#normally i can at least force myself to sleep around 2-4am even if i wanna keep watching something but

[mcrmadness]

I tried to google about spring tiredness (in Finnish), why is every article about being burnout and related to work, and not about the phenomenon itself??? Like, I just wanted to know if spring tiredness as a term (well it's one in Finnish at least) means excessive tiredness in general and whether it has something to do with seasons etc. or not, but everything is about "this is why you might be tired at work during spring" - NOT WHAT I WAS ASKING ABOUT???

This is more like a chronic jetlag. I know it takes time for a body and brain to get used to the changes of a sleeping schedule, but I also know my own circadian rhythm is not normal. My sleep phase is delayed, and my day has more than 24 hours in it. I would say 30h is closer to the amount of hours in my inner clock.

But at this point this is getting ridiculous. It feels like my inner clock would be partially broken and only has 12 hours now. It's not the first time this has happened, but it's hella annoying when it feels like my body does not stop producing melatonin at all. It's like having melatonin high 24/7, my whole body is shaky and my muscles feel SO WEAK because of that. And I know I'm not sick or anything like that, because this is how I feel when I have stayed up for 24 hours too, and this time I haven't.

This is now the third day in a row. I have slept at night, I wake up around 8am, I become really tired at 10am, afternoon is the worst, just wanna have a nad at 5pm and then can't wait for it to be late enough so that I can go to sleep because if I go to bed too early, then I will wake up even earlier and will be even sleepier and drowsier the next day.

I woke up after 8am today and I have been awake for 2 hours and I already feel so exhausted. I haven't even eaten any breakfast yet and I still feel like I'm ready to go to bed cos I just want to sleep. I SLEPT FOR OVER 8 HOURS WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS. Besides, it was MY BODY that woke up. It could have very well kept sleeping for a couple of hours more but no. Just had to wake itself up and be like "oh it's morning :)" and now it's getting sunny outside and I'm getting so much more tired it's insane. I affects my ability to even do things cos my whole body feels so annoying and I can't focus on anything because of the sensory things. Even tho that might be also the key, and it might help me wake up physically if I actually went for a walk or something instead of sitting in front of the pc the whole day doing nothing cos I feel too exhausted.

But yeah, this is my normal. This is what happens with my if I can't follow my circadian rhythm, and some times my brain does this thing especially in the spring where it just randomly clicks and follows the majority's normal circadian rhythm which doesn't fit my body at all. I keep being told you can get used to it and you can learn to get used to waking up in the mornings. No I cannot. I have done that, I have been in schools and had to wake up to those early on for YEARS because my schools started at 8am, I have had a job that started before 8am. My current school starts at 9am. I am able to distract myself from the feels of tiredness with work, especially physical work, but if I keep sitting in one place, I just get so tired. I was always so exhausted at school and even in vocational schools I have had to fight against my body's urge to fall asleep in class. It usually doesn't matter if I have slept enough hours, it's just that I'm forced to wake up earlier than what would be natural for me. It's like if someone with the normal rhythm was waken up at 2am to go to work/school at 4am. I bet they'd get drowsy too eventually.

My own normal circadian rhythm would be to sleep from 2-4am to 10-11am. If I wake up at 11am, I won't get nearly as tired as I get now that my body has kept waking me up between 7-8am after I've gone to sleep between midnight and 2am.

Hopefully it gets better today if I manage to shower after breakfast and then manage to leave the house.

[primsycoldbottles]

ohhh yeah. im. im definitely experience a hyperfixation rn lol

[cheswirls]

tbh i dont even know why i bother anymore ive been trying to fix my sleep schedule for the past few days now and this is the millionth time in a row where its nearly 4am and im still awake and part of me wants t go to sleep but another part is jus like if i go to sleep now then i wont wake up until like 6pm and i dont wanna waste away another day like that and hm hm hmmmmmm

but the past couple days ive been awake until like 9-10 and going good but then i lay down to do something like watch a video or w/e and then i fall asleep and its 8pm. and ive wasted the day away

so i think the optimal solution ive come to is this: im gonna get coffee. maybe we have gingerale, i doubt we have soda, i jus need caffine. maybe some oreos, some food. cold water. and im gonna start going thru the first divided section of my room so at least that’ll be out of the way on the chance i do fall asleep and stay unconscious for the entire day again. that’s one of the things ive been meaning to do but that i dont really have the motivation to do when its evening/night soooo uh yh

and im hoping i can be on it doing stuff until morning, maybe go get breakfast again, get like a slush or some caffeinated drink from the sonic near the house, take care of the dog some, and continue working on that section of my room. theres a lot to do when you’re having to decide a if you want to keep your shit and b if you want to take it w you to college and then c if not where does it need to go. i can maybe still be doing that in four hours, when its 8 and i maybe feel like trying to wake dad up. 

if i get done i got reminded today/yesterday eveningish -at this point everything rusn together ehfgkrwweb only the 4th is keeping me straight date wise like this many days til a holiday okay- shit

does dad even work tmrw? wow okay. maybe someone can wake me up if i fail myself but otherwise scrap that ig

k most things are still open so w/e mom still has work itll be fine. 

i got reminded earlier than i have like two weeks until my arizona trip that turns into the southern west coast trip a few days after that. so i can start thinking abt packing/planning for that a little more. i can draw after that i need to draw more

so basically im gonna force myself awake until like 2 pm bc by then mom will be off and shes the person ican work out maybe going to like target or kirklands and looking at dorm stuff with, maybe lunch bc chances are she had maybe a bag of chips, some popcorn, w/e since its a tuesday and thatll tie me over until tonight where i can sit out nd talk w dad while he grills shit and talk abt how the fireworks are gonna get rained out maybe but if not ey good for those ppl its been soso dry for these past few years but theres been rain every night this week like. hard. hard rain. so its a good fireworks time now.

and then after i eat dinner i can conk out around 10-11 pm which is NORMAL PPL SLEEP TIME and hopefully ill be so tired from doing a +24hr circuit that ill sleep early and wake up decently.

ooor i can sleep in til 5 but even 2-5 is better than 7-8 bc i literally do nothing then eat and then have all this time to do w/e bc im not tired sooo yh. thats the plan we will see