#normally drawing a lot of characters takes longer.

[mikawa13]

Every time I look at fanarts of TID I have to take a deep breath because some of the clothes aren't completely period accurate, so I wanted to try to draw them with more accurate dresses.

Charlotte did not take as long as I expected, probably because I always imagined her style in a more simple and elegant style.

I used Cassandra Jean's design for the gear and tried to adjust it a bit following the Codex's information about older versions of the female gear having a skirt, but I just decided to make that padding around the abdomen and hips longer and simulate a skirt (but not too long to not reduce the mobility), whereas the male gear would be shorter and the way that Cassandra Jean did it.

RIP Charlotte, you would've loved jumpsuits QUEEN

(February 4, 2024)

Little Miss Barbie x Regina George (1878 Edition)

Jess was a bit more complicated because she does care about her appearance more and has a more intricate style. And normally I try to not add a lot of detail with Victorian characters because Queen Victoria didn't like makeup and found it vulgar, so women usually went for a natural look. Jessamine paints her dark circles whereas Charlotte naturally has them for obvious reasons. ☠️

Low-key, I loved doing Jessamine's ghost form.

And please let's not talk about my strange doodling attempt with the electrum lace design on the parasol. Halfway through it I started telling myself Henry is not a fashion designer and he tried his best to mimic a lace design with the electrum and hide some runes for her protection.

(February 13, 2024)

I will be honest, I struggled with the color of the dress because I do not imagine Cecily with a plain color dress, but not too intricate as Jessamine's. Everything looked too blue at first and I switched so many colors until it ended up like that. And don't get me started on the hair... It felt ✨WRONG✨ to give her a historically accurate hairstyle considering everyone gives her straight hair down.

So in my head her hair IS straight, she just has to appropriately wear it up. But nothing too complicated. And it's worth mentioning my memory is starting to blur out a lot. I had to check her wiki for the weapon and whatnot, and I found that she was petite and thin. In my head she was about Tessa's height. But I barely remember a lot from the books by now.

But I did try to make her look closely similar to Will. And I think she does look like a female, better, version of him. Also, if you're wondering why she's not wearing the necklace: I didn't realize I didn't add it until I finished coloring the dress and by that point I was so sick of it I left it like that. I had the sketch of the necklace, I just forgot to put it with the dress. 🫠

(March 2, 2024)

Gideon is so lucky. 😩

The suits might discourage me from doing the men because there's not really much difference aside of small details of how each man wears it. But anyway... Back to Sophie.

The damn maid dress. It's simple. It is ten times simpler than Jessamine's dress and YET I was struggling with it. And don't get me started on the scar.

The wiki said it was a big, silver, scar on the left side of her face from the corner of her mouth to her temple. I had an existential crisis trying to figure out how to do it, because in the other set ups of these drawings, I depict them like they're facing me, so the portrait wouldn't have shown the scar.

And it's a problem because I also suck at drawing scars. The first try looked fine but it wasn't silver, then I did this and in one part I guess it's fine because I didn't want to make a pretty scar when it's supposed to be bad and shocking for the time period. But a part of my brain thinks it looks like the fungus from The Last of Us. ☠️

Anyways. You may be wondering, "why didn't you do the Shadowhunter gear?" And it's a simple answer... I wanted to see her in a pretty dress. Of course, I could have done the portrait with the maid dress, the middle with her fancy dress, and the second full-body drawing with the gear but I didn't think about that until 10 minutes before posting. 🫠 And that gear is COMPLICATED (Not really, I'm just tired after the dresses).

(April 10, 2024)

If you are wondering why there is a huge time jump from the last fanart to this, I had a really bad art block and the frustration from the inaccurate dresses brought me back lol

Unfortunately I am currently in another slump 🫠

The next one was supposed to be Tessa but the dresses really frustrated me and I never even started the sketch. Idk if I'll ever finish it. I hope so, but don't get your hopes up.

[untoldsoup]

This is part TWO of chapter Four! Please read part one first. Or start from the beginning of the sequel here, or the very beginning here!

trigger tags: comic typical violence, minor character death, violent death (off screen), child character in peril/ verbal abuse, ableist language, obsessive behavior

I worked so hard over the last two months to get this out before November. Please let me know what you think, lots of time and effort goes into these pages.

Anyways, I'll be taking a month off of drawing my comic to prevent burnout before I start on the next chapter. I know I normally only take two weeks off, but to meet the deadline I set for this chapter I worked harder and longer than I should have. So I need a little time to chill. I'm sure you understand! That means new chapter should come out sometime early next year.

enjoy the cliff hanger in the meantime!

previous: chapter 4 part one

Next: chapter 5

Start from the beginning of everything Here!

Start from beginning of sequel here!

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

after listening to an among us song i was given the drive to reboot this au so ,

originated from a doodle that spiraled , SPREAD THE INFLUENCE is an au where ragatha is the ( unwilling ) host of a parasite called ' the influence ' which is a virus that only wants to spread and survive . she wasn't compliant about it at the beginning which was ' fixed ' with an itty bitty bit of psychological torment !

also yes i know the abbreviation is unfortunate and i do not care it's funny

even though ragatha's still our usual sweet little optimist , there is this persistent feeling of wrongness . too positive . too affectionate . it's like all of her humanity has been scooped out and you're left with the mask she made for others in the circus .

which is how the virus spread in the circus - they preyed on vulnerabilities which was what their host is perfect for . striking when the victim puts their guards down , making them submit under the guise that their problems will be fixed ... unfortunately it's a monkey's paw situation .

of course , that's only for this particular instance of the influencer ! something to note is that the virus takes a lot from the host's personality , so t.i's mellow and passive , only resorting to violence whenever necessary . t.i's not really an opposite ragatha she's more like a Dark , Fucked Up Version of ragatha the amazing digital circus . she cares a lot for everyone she considers a part of her hive , but it took a lot of manipulation and gaslighting for them to get infected .

caine is left uninfected because " i would do that if my goal is to destroy this place ! " t.i's ultimate fear has always been dying . it'll do everything to not die , to the point it's trying to spread out of the circus ( <- honestly take this info with a grain of salt i wrote this before i fully developed the story ) . unfortunately there's this jester who's resisting the virus with pure lesbian rage and is trying to stop her .

now rags would eventually get de-influenced and the circus will no longer be infected , but we will talk about the extremely rocky journey of recovering from knowing you harmed everyone you cared about Later

was this ' the influence ' that amanda ( ragatha's va ) keeps referencing ? sighs ... yeah . ( feels so surreal that i can say i have their seal of approval for this )

why ragatha ? in story , how is she not the perfect host ? metatextually , this is an au of an au - this came from a blog about ragatha getting a virus that is inconveniencing her life . i simply thought of an idea of ' hey what if the virus took over her body ' one day . then this abomination was born . i would reveal the why and how she got infected ... eventually .........

is she still afraid of centipedes ? is it a ragatha if she doesn't have a fear of centipedes

does pomni still use a taser ? yeah

could i use / be inspired by the influence for my au ? i did not invent the concept of Computer Viruses so feel free to be inspired by it , no credit needed . for t.i as a character specifically , please credit me !

are there ships ? just pomni x ragatha

is suggestive content of t.i ok ? just don't send them to me , tag it as #tw suggestive or #suggestive so i could filter it out

is nsfw content of t.i ok ? my tiny artist hands are powerless against the unstoppable force that is the internet so my answer will not matter . that being said , i recommend that they're not put in the main au tag so people won't unexpectedly come across it . and no i do not want to see it please do not send them to me

could i draw fanart / write fanfic of this au ? 100% yes you could either mention me or tag it under #tadc influence au

does this au have an ask blog ? nah just a normal blog lol

READ THE COMIC ... I GUESS ... !!

the main story

oh boy a prologue

[antivivziepopparade]

All of the proof that we have that Vivziepop is abusive. (So far....)

While you support this post please go ahead and support my channel to see more about Vivziepop's abusive behavior. Thanks!

1. She rushes her employees.

Season 1 was made in 2020. While Season 2 was made in 2021 while being released with MULTIPLE EPISODES only ONE year later.

That's-

INSANE!

-and im about to tell you why:

The average cartoon needs almost ONE WHOLE YEAR to produce one episode. And this is what we see in MAINSTREAM shows.

Meanwhile, Helluva Boss took only one year (and a half) to make MULTIPLE ENTIRE EPISODES that last over 20 minutes. The longest waiting time for an episode being 8 months. Not even a year, and we get multiple episodes off the drawing board.

You can even see here that it's taken only three years to make 16 episodes. When this is an indie studio, so this should have taken so much longer to make. Yet for some reason, it took only a few years for us to get full seasons. In 2021, we got over 4 episodes alone. Have you ever wondered why these episodes come out so fast while other shows take a lot longer to get new seasons? That's an easy question to ask... Spindlehorse...

Is being ABUSED.

And I have the proof to show.

2. The pay controversy.

Spindlehorse's payment has been under controversy for providing the lowest pay possible to those that work at the studio.

One piece of evidence was given by Adam himself (albeit unintentionally) by saying this:

This kind of pay is highly unstable! And before you say "But he didn't force them to be there-"

LOOK.

The employees themselves admitted that they had no choice. People had no choice and Vivienne Medrano took advantage of that for her own selfish desires. This is disgusting treatment of a studio as small as Spindlehorse. Or any studio for that matter.

Hell! chaifootsteps said once that once Zeurel released that he was paying his animators too low, he deleted one of the tweets showing the low pay and decided to do something to give his employees better wages. Meanwhile, Chimera Bunny pays even less than Viv does and just because paying your workers low is normal in the animation industry- plot twist: Doesn't make it ok!

People have suffered so much in this industry, it's why "New Deal for Animation" exists. The only reason you haven't seen many Vivziepop workers having protests and speaking out is because Vivziepop says things like this behind people's backs if they "dare" do anything she doesn't like:

So that explains as to why so many people remain as "anon" or say nothing at all because they got cold feet. Vivienne's terrible!

Especially since even her top employees have admitted to not being paid enough despite Adam's "I pay them to stay if they make us the most mon-ey!" claims from the article:

Also this:

This is how she speaks about her own employees:

"YOU DONT LIKE HOW I TREAT YOU?! FUCK OFF!"

Straight up abuse.

Also, wasn't Walt Disney known for abusing his employees?

To the point where people had an entire protest in 1914 about it?

Wow... such a healthy workplace treatment comparison. Doesn't make Vivziepop look more like a jerk.... at all! /s

3. She bullies kids/laughed at a sa victim that was sa'ed by her friends. As one kid was bullied into a panic attack (I know them personally) back in about 2020 and Viv decided to vague post about them behind their back even after they apologized.

For someone who's so focused on "forgiving despite cancel culture" she sure likes to blame and harass people for disliking even ONE thing about her show or herself. One thing- and you're harassed over making a meme about a cartoon with fictional characters (What Froot Did that set Vivziepop and Gumball off.)

Secondly, one of her friends sexually harassed a minor.

And instead of acknowledging the sa, Vivziepop wrote this:

She ended up calling it a "joke" and made fun of the victim involved.

This is outright abusive behavior that should not be tolerated.

Children don't deserve to be traumatized this way. Especially over something as simple as making memes about a cartoon (negative or not) or simply telling someone to stop fetishizing abuse.

More on this in this video made by Gummypop:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND-

That's all that I have for now!

Will likely be updating this post in the future. Goodbye!

EDIT:

More evidence of Vivziepop using abusive language and slander against her employees behind their back. Claims of them being a "stalker" (like she did to Kedi and also its clear that she told her employees to say that Kaz was a "stalker" otherwise how else would they be saying these things after she fired them.) along with using abusive language such as "CUNT!" to prefer to Kaz this way in a professional setting I cannot. 💀

More evidence of Vivziepop harassing a kid:

ANOTHER edit:

More evidence, she's burning them the HELL out!

Yet ANOTHER edit:

More evidence of Spindlehorse being abusive:

EDIT:

Even MORE evidence:

The fact that the story AND the storyboards AND the animating for season one's episodes were all done in one year is just so crazy to me like... WHAT?! Either way, this post will continue to extend the more that I find evidence. So remember to look forward to that one!

EDIT:

Sadly no, as animation abuse is so common that the police dont even see it as an issue. The last time I tried to call the police on her they needed a location. The problem? There is no location of Spindlehorse since it's a "private" studio. So because of that viv gets away with abuse despite the obvious implications of her behavior and how many people came out with allegations towards her.

[lonelysheepling]

Recently read @queenofthequillandink ’s DPxDC crossover fic Unearthed, Reborn

I got inspired to draw character sheets for Danny, Sam, Jason, and Jazz’s vigilante personas. Here’s a link to the author’s drawings of their outfits (these were a vital reference for me when doing this so thank you so much for sharing them Quill) More commentary (like 7+ paragraphs plus 2 images) about this project and the designs below the “keep reading” line.

None of these thoughts I have for each character are in order, but I have a lot of commentary for these since this project was a lot more conceptual than my normal work. I also just like talking about my art/design process. If you ever find yourself wondering at some point why an element from the original design wasn’t included, the answer is that the removal was completely intentional and part of my grandmaster vision for this work and wasn’t because I just forgot about it entirely during the design process.

————————————————————————

Aconite (Sam)

This was the first one I sketched out, I wasn’t even sure at the time if I was going to fully commit to drawing all of them. I thought that Sam was gonna be the hardest since her description was way longer than the others, but then bird boy beat her out. I took a lot of creative liberties with her design, the bag was added bc I couldn’t figure out how to add pockets to the skirt. I was trying to avoid a joker color scheme so I had a lot of ref images that I got by searching like “purple green aesthetic” on Pinterest. The dark purple and dark forest/blueish green won out in the end. I desaturated a lot of my colors for her just to get as far away from the neon Gotham rogue aesthetic. I also added the bdsm harness over the armor to add more punk elements to her design, I know that in real life that would be very uncomfortable to wear over scalemail armor but sometimes we take creative liberties when they look sick as fuck. Also, I didn’t realize until I went to look for a reference for aconite flowers that aconite is wolfsbane! That was neat to learn! Also, the font I used for Aconite is called “zai Art School Calendar 1931”, I’ve used this a few times for other projects, it’s one of my favorite fonts. The ‘zai’ fonts the creator has are all very good.

Shade (Danny)

There wasn't much to add to this page. His outfit is pretty simple (besides the patterning). I wasn’t sure how to pull of an optical illusion pattern but I was reminded how I sometimes get an eyestrain induced headache when looking at someone wearing a patterned shirt with really thin stripes so I just leaned into the idea of a small/detailed hard lined pattern. I originally made 5 separate patterns for him and then turned them into stamp brushes in procreate. I only ended up using three of them, the one on the chest, the one on the legs, and the one on his hand. But, I imagine the patterns fade and shift when he moves, sort of like a lenticular print. I gave him constellation freckles and stylized the hair’s fade into white. The hair was inspired by how time-woods draws Martin Blackwood’s hair (linked: time-woods’s fanart of Martin Blackwood). Also put way too much effort into the teeth on the mask. I just like the chunky teeth design. Oh yeah and the font I used for him is called “Typewriter_Condensed_Demi”

Erinys (Jason)

Repeatedly ran into the issue of not having enough canvas space bc of my fervent need to thoroughly document and plan out how the wings worked. I also reversed the colors for the bodysuit & armor so the under layer was black while the armor plates were red. I only realized afterwards that I may have been inspired by the red centipedes in Rain World (linked: gif of the red centipede, don’t click the link if you’re unsettled/afraid of bugs/insects), artists subconsciously draw inspiration from other artists all the time though so I’m not like upset about it. I stand by it because it looks sick as hell. Also leaned into the magpie theming for the wings. I think the vigilante form was supposed to be reverse magpie coloring? I can’t remember, but I stuck with normal magpie coloring. The anatomy of how the wings connected to the collarbone was inspired by JayEaton’s Magpie Bridge Project. Reference image link. Link to the article the image is from. I didn’t draw the wing armor because I couldn’t figure out how to would work with the wing anatomy and I ran out of canvas space. Finally, the font used for him is “DIN Condensed” this is a default font, I would’ve used something more punk but I needed the text to be legible.

Insight (Jazz)

I did Jazz after I’d already finished the initial trio, so I had to switch to a new canvas for her bc I’d hit the layer limit multiple times on the previous one. I really do love doing that spiked under-eyelash thing with characters. Don’t know when that started. Anyway, I added the shoulder pads to her outfit to help break up the empty space. The golden eyes were a nice accent color since her design is very overwhelmingly green. Honestly the braid hairstyle and gold eyes really do obscure her identity, multiple times when drawing her I was worried that she didn’t really resemble Jazz enough. There wasn’t a drawing from the author for her so I only had the text description to go off of. I just realized that she sort of reminds me of a forest ranger and I don’t know what to do with that realization. I copy/pasted my drawing of her eyes when gold and recolored them to match her normal eye color. There were two layers for that, a hue shift and a hard light layer to emphasize the shadows.

Here’s what it looks like without the hue shift: 

It looks really cool and I’m 100% that color combo in another drawing down the line. Oh yeah and the font used for this sheet was “Euphemia UCAS”. It comes with Apple’s operating system, I use it as a neutral default text most of the time bc it’s nicer than helvetica but not overly fancy like Times New Roman—and why am I talking about fonts. ——————————————————————— Anyway, this project was very fun to work on. The alt text for this was its own endeavor, hope the folks using screen-readers don’t mind 4-5 paragraphs of description text. Also, I cannot remember for the life of me if Dani got a costume description, but if she does I’ll make sure to update this image set with a sheet for her. And to the author, QueenOfTheQuill, if you’re reading this message that I’ve left at the very bottom of this post below a read more line, thank you for the fic. It’s very good and I’m glad I caught it during my slow decent into DPxDC brainrot. I love the interactions between Jason and Tim, it’s nice seeing a revived Jason that’s not bogged down by pit rage. They definitely seem like they could’ve been good friends if not for the unfortunate circumstances that led them to meet in canon. Also, I’m sure Jazz will love interacting with Batman and Nightwing. So much psychological & childhood trauma to unpack with them. Feel free to use/share these images if you so desire and thanks again for your work.

[acesw]

Disabled Characters in Reverse: 1999 - Part 3

Welcome to the final installment of this list of the game's disabled characters (for now), and we are ending it with the most interesting of them: the neurodivergent characters!

These characters are particularly special since a lot of them are mainly speculated, but they draw heavy parallels to their respective conditions that they had to be taken note of.

Now because there are so many characters, they became an entire category of their own instead of being lumped with the previous post, and this became undoubtedly one of the longest texts I've written down among most of the analysis posts I've made for this game.

I hope that you enjoy reading this final piece, let's get started.

Autism: 37, Horropedia, Melania, Balloon Party, Avgust

All of these characters are incredibly similar to each other, and yet they all have their share differences. For example, both Horropedia and 37 are characters that embody one of the main stereotypes about autism: Incredibly intelligent characters who fixate on specific subjects. 37’s focus is on mathematics, while Horropedia’s is the horror genre. Even their personalities are quite similar: arrogant yet kind and understanding people.

They lace their speech with associations to their topic of interest, and will infodump about it unprompted. The two of them also struggle to pick up social cues, nor can tell if the information they’re sharing is unsolicited because the information is normal to themselves.

However, the difference between them in this is that Horropedia is more carefree about it, whilst 37 is more self-aware about the fact that she can’t come to a mutual understanding with others.

The rest of the characters here also share these traits, but they all stand out in their own ways:

Melania’s intricate way of making plans tends to be in the form of academic exams. These tend to be her greatest motivator when it comes to doing work, and gets easily frustrated when having to change them. She also has a set routine that she gets easily surprised by sudden interruptions.

Balloon Party’s speech is found to be unconventional (i.e. the speech impediment from earlier, the tone of her voice is found to be naturally flat) and is paired with word association and echolalia.

Avgust has a unique understanding of the world around him, with him associating everything and everyone with more innocent concepts. (e.g. his father’s death is often referred to as him “sleeping in the mines”) None of these mean that he doesn’t understand things like death as what they are, only that he’s very young among the cast and has been raised in a healthy environment that allows him to continue thinking this way for a bit longer.

ADHD: Regulus & Eagle

With Regulus, it’s more of a headcanon than it is backed by evidence, but the main points that can be found for her are her restlessness, lacking attention span, and her impulsivity. They’re common aspects (hyperactive) in ADHD, and thus they aren’t exactly conclusive.

But I also found that Regulus also tends to bring her interests to light when navigating through conversations, and this with the reasons mentioned above makes me personally believe that Regulus does not just strictly have ADHD, but still overall neurodivergent.

Eagle seems to have the inattentive type of ADHD. A more established indicator of her likely having it is through her anecdote, where she was said to have had some sort of attention-deficit. In that anecdote, Eagle mainly acts on her own impulses such as jumping to try to find the missing boy scout, and even helping X if it meant that it progressed her mission.

She struggles to take rejection and constantly tries to prove herself to be able to gain the acceptance she’s looking for. It made me believe that she has Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. (RSD)

While these alone aren’t conclusive either, they still give me enough reason to believe that Eagle could be implied to be neurodivergent too.

AuDHD (Autism + ADHD): Vertin, Marcus, AliEn T

From the earlier points, we find that some of the mixed traits that make for auDHD are found in Vertin, Marcus, and AliEn T. All three of them are quite emotional (even Vertin in spite of her stoicism) and impulsive people, where they tend to jump into action when they have a rough plan set in mind. They also have their own interests (wildlife, reading, Earth) and tend to get absorbed into their own thoughts quite often. Because of the latter, they tend to lead themselves into executive dysfunction. Some things about them differ, however.

Starting with Vertin, most of the “obvious” signs are present in her childhood, where she was restless and curious of the world beyond SPDM, making it difficult for her to focus in school. Yet, she still kept up with topics that interested her, going as far as skipping classes to learn in her own way.

She has gotten punished often for her “defiance,” and ended up being radicalized by it and by the trauma she faced in Chapter 3. Currently, she masks quite heavily to a degree, leaving her main indicators to be her tactile tendencies (i.e. touching things and others out of curiosity) and her becoming absorbed to her own thoughts.

Meanwhile, Marcus is an incredibly anxious person. She often relied on someone like Hofmann to socialize with others and make decisions for her since she struggled greatly in that aspect. She can be easily upset by things and even by her own overthinking, taking rejection quite poorly before resorting to immediately coming up with ways to resolve it.

She often retreats back to reading to be able to ground herself from any stress. But now with everything that’s happened, Marcus has begun working on herself and mustering the courage to be able to push her limits independently.

We’re not entirely sure about how AliEn T’s home society is structured, but it can be argued that his and our societies tend to parallel each other. For example, AliEn T is seen as a bit eccentric to his kind like the regional manager and co-workers because of him being emotionally prone and being very fixated on the Earth. (which his society collectively avoids)

A lot of his notes about his home in the anecdote imply that in his home society, they have their equivalent of some of the struggles found in the neurodivergent experience, which is why he and Officer Williams in the anecdote could empathize with each other.

Others / Related but non-diagnostic: Mesmer Jr., Isolde, Pickles, Kaalaa Baunaa, Tooth Fairy, Blonney

As I explained in the previous post, Mesmer Jr. and Isolde both greatly suffer from conditions that particularly stem from their trauma and subsequent C-PTSD.

Again, Mesmer Jr. is heavily hinted to have OCD, while Isolde has many disorders linked to C-PTSD. (formerly named as "hysteria") Due to the nature of their respective conditions, they both deserve a place here in this list.

It can be assumed that Pickles is neurodivergent due to him being nicknamed as an “indigo pup.” While this might be related to his arcane skill, the nickname is also intriguing because it's like the term “indigo children.” 

“Indigo children” are classified as those who are incredibly intelligent and possess special talents or powers according to the New Age concept. However, this classification is closely associated with neurodivergence due to the similar descriptions.

Meanwhile, Kaalaa Baunaa, Tooth Fairy, and Blonney have shared stories in which they've had to maintain some form of distance towards their arcanist identities due to the hostile nature of their environments. They embraced it as part of themselves in the end, though.

Kaalaa Baunaa has been an avid researcher ever since she was young, and enjoys maintaining punctuality through routines. However, she had been often discriminated against in her initial workplace, where her arcanist identity had been picked out first before taking her research in consideration; even her research had been disregarded due to the “unconventional” methods that she applied to conduct them.

It can be considered a familiar feeling among neurodivergent people and it is incredibly frustrating when it happens. For KB, it had gotten bad to the point of her (and Kumar) getting kicked out of their institution, but it never stopped either of them from continuing to do their work.

Tooth Fairy and Blonney both grew up in mixed societies, where they had to force themselves to conform to be able to be accepted in both human and arcanist social spaces.

Tooth Fairy, while achieving this balance in her college years, had never been treated as an equal by either side due to both her arcanist identity and frequency to interact with humans. She was bullied for it and was even taken advantage of when she made the medicine in her character story. These experiences led her to accept her own identity and eventually stop overtly conforming to both societies.

Blonney meanwhile moved to a predominantly human society, where she greatly conformed to human ideals and trends to “fit in” with the humans. But she was still off-handedly discriminated against due to simply just being an arcanist. She tried really hard to suppress herself, to the point that she dimmed her own “light” and was unable to use her personalized arcane skill. But when she came back to Green Lake, her mask slowly fell apart, and then it reignited her passion, which allowed her to begin accepting herself again.

Honorable Mentions

Sonetto, Matilda, Sotheby, Ezra, Jessica - Autism (mainly credited from: @/H0LOdm on twt)

While these are mainly headcanon, some of these characters here do display neurodivergent traits in their own ways, most especially the latter 3 of these characters here. They all struggle to pick up social cues and tend to struggle in (conventionally) socializing/empathizing with others.

Sotheby and Jessica in particular both lace their language using their interests and the environment they grew up in. Ezra also uses his interests in fungi as a conversation starter with others, eager to see any mushrooms that might be potentially found anywhere.

Final Notes and Thanks

When I started writing these down I didn't really think much of it outside of the fact that there were so many characters who were particularly neurodivergent, which then further extended to the rest of the disabled characters as well. I tried my best to word these as respectfully as I can, and that I hope people could find fun in reading these as much as I did writing them.

I give my acknowledgements to these people for their help and support for the creation of list in entirety: Jager, Lupjo, Reg, Bee ( @e-0timely ) , Abyss ( @abyss-idiot ), and Tokki

Considering the nature of this list, I want to say that are non-conclusive and can be interpreted in any way you want. As I said in my previous version of this post, "...Every experience is different, and I think these characters here openly show that."

Feel free to add your own insights, corrections, and even your own headcanons here. Thanks for reading, and have the two links to the first two lists down here.

Physically Disabled Characters Psychologically Disabled Characters

[roosterforme]

Covering the Classics Part 3 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: When Anna finally agrees to meet her new friends at the bar, she learns pretty quickly that the hot guy from the bookstore is actually Bob Floyd. But the fact that she ran and hid from him, thinking she'd never have to see him again, leaves her feeling mortified, and Bob is left to draw his own conclusions.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, eventually 18+

Length: 3700 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)

Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more! Thank you to @mak-32 for the beautiful banner!

Anna took a deep breath as she swiped on some mascara and found her tube of lipgloss. She finally caved and agreed to go to the Navy bar that her friends couldn't stop talking about at lunch every day. She only had about five dollars in her wallet to buy a drink since she sold her car for rent money. She couldn't believe was going to take an Uber all the way to Coronado just to make an absolute fool of herself in front of this Bob character. And worst of all, she was still thinking about the hot guy with glasses from the bookstore. 

"It's okay," she told her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "At least you're absolutely killing it at work. And you're having a good hair day." She dabbed at her lips, but skipped the concealer. Kevin used to love it when she covered up her freckles which made her never want to do it ever again. Every time she thought about him, her heart skipped a beat, but not in the fun way.

She counted to five and said, "Kevin isn't here." Then she put her makeup away and made sure her computer was plugged in so she could mess around online when she inevitably returned to her miniscule apartment within the next hour and a half. "Let's get this show on the road," she muttered. 

The ride to the bar was uneventful, as she was sure the rest of her evening would be as well. Bob sounded like an absolute dream when Advanced Calculus and Advanced Physics talked about him. Anna couldn't imagine him being outright rude to her after the two of them said he was sweet and had perfect manners, but she could already tell what his reaction would be: a kind but forced laugh, and maybe a halfhearted smile. And then Anna would probably get to watch him pick up a different girl instead if she didn't leave right away with her proverbial tail between her legs. 

Maybe she should have stayed home.

"Here we are," the driver said as he pulled into a beachside parking lot as the sun started setting over the ocean. "The Hard Deck."

"That was quick," she murmured, wishing she could stay in the solitude of this backseat a bit longer as she climbed out. "Thanks."

The fact that every day in San Diego was warm and beautiful was going to take some getting used to. The weather almost never wavered here unlike back at home. Anna opened the weather app on her phone and scrolled to her saved location in New Jersey, and sure enough, it was raining there. She nibbled on her lip and checked her work email, dragging the toe of her beat up sneaker on the gavel parking lot. 

She was just stalling now, wondering if her friends would even notice if she didn't show up. They just met her two weeks ago; they probably didn't even really like her that much. Her thumb hovered over her rideshare app as she thought about the two other women just going about their business like normal if she never went back to the weird tree at lunchtime. She was inconsequential to their day.

Anna pressed her lips together and tapped the app. There was a car two minutes away, but the guilt of having wasted eighteen dollars to come here in the first place was eating away at her mind. "Damn it," she whispered as she closed out of the app and shoved her phone into the pocket of her snug jeans. She started walking up to the sand covered wood planks that led to the entrance of the bar, and she didn't stop until she was inside. 

Slow Ride was blaring from the sound system, and the place was pretty packed. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust so she could get the lay of the land, and when she did, she realized she was surrounded by mostly men. "Great," she mumbled, earning a few looks, probably because she had barely taken a step beyond the entryway before freezing up. 

But as Anna made her way closer to the bar, a big guy in a khaki uniform winked at her and called out, "Hey, Red!"

She felt her cheeks warm up which was certainly not going to help with that nickname. "Oh no." Deftly, she squeezed her way through the many bodies until she had one hand resting on the bar. Why were all these men so attractive? And why were they looking at her? 

When a different guy next to her turned and saw her, he stuck out his hand and said, "Hey, I'm Jackson."

"Anna," she replied, slipping her smaller hand into his very briefly before trying to take a step back. But she just ended up bumping into someone else. 

"You gotta let me buy you a drink," Jackson told her with a grin. "Seriously. You're already the best part of my night."

Anna swallowed as she looked around for her friends, but she didn't see either of them. "Um... not yet. I'm not a big drinker."

Jackson laughed merrily. "Aww, honey. You came to the wrong place. Hey, Penny!" Anna watched the bartender turn around with her hands full of two martini glasses. "Can you get this one anything she wants on my tab?"

Penny laughed, and said, "You'll have to get in line, Jackson. You're number four on her roster already."

"Damn it!" Jackson complained with a laugh.

Anna's eyes went wide as Penny delivered the two drinks and then came back and leaned on the bar right in front of her. "By the looks of things, you won't have to pay for a single drink all night. So what'll it be?"

Penny had friendly looking eyes that made Anna feel a little more comfortable. "A ginger ale?"

"Coming right up," Penny replied, reaching for a pint glass and the soda dispenser gun without looking away. "I've never seen you in here before, so I feel like it's only fair to warn you that these guys can get a little relentless."

That was literally the last thing Anna wanted to hear right now. Even Jackson hadn't moved an inch away from her, and her hands were starting to sweat as the ginger ale came gliding across the bar. When she wrapped her hand around the cold glass, she told Penny, "I'm actually supposed to meet some friends here. But I don't see them?"

She smiled and said, "Give me a name."

Anna looked down into the bubbles of her drink and muttered, "Jessica Reed?"

The response was immediate but kind. "By the pool table. Where she always is. Oh, and do not challenge her to a game, because she will kick your ass."

Anna laughed as she picked up her drink. "Thank you so much. And um... could you thank whomever paid for my ginger ale?"

Penny nodded as Anna started to head for the pool table. Jackson pouted at her, and the big guy in the uniform called out, "Come back, Red!" She ignored both of them as she fought her way through the crowd, desperately trying not to spill her drink on anyone. There were a lot more khaki uniforms and even some one piece jumpsuit type things that had patches sewn onto them. She read a few of the patches as she got closer to the pool table. Harvard. Omaha. Halo. Those were some weird names. 

"There she is. Anna!" 

She turned her head when she heard her name, and she saw Jessica waving one hand in the air as she juggled a beer and a pool cue in the other. Jessica actually looked happy to see her as she stood there, all wrapped up in the arms of a guy that Anna couldn't fully see yet. And then her other friend was waving both hands in the air, too, so she waved back. "Hi."

Both women squealed, "Hi, Anna!" in unison, and it was honestly one of the nicest sounds Anna had heard in recent memory. She already felt better about being here now, and that's when she caught sight of who she assumed was Jake. And she was momentarily struck dumb. 

The blonde man kissed the side of Jessica's neck and whispered something before releasing her, and then his green eyes met Anna's as he smiled. She decided immediately that he looked like a GQ model, and that was actually pretty fitting for what would pair well with Jessica.

"Hey," Jessica said, reaching for her hand and pulling her closer. "This is my boyfriend, Jake." She gestured over her shoulder to the GQ model who reached his hand out.

"Hi, Anna," he said with a southern drawl. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh. Same," she replied, biting her tongue before she told him she'd never heard of a man who was sweet enough to pack his girlfriend fancy sandwiches and also had the nerve to look like he belonged on a magazine cover.

"And that's Bradley," Jessica said mildly. 

"My god," she whispered to herself. Her other friend was wrapped up in a pair of thick arms that belonged to a man with a mustache and alluring scars that ran along his left cheek and down the side of his neck into his floral shirt collar. He was every bit as good looking as Jake, but he had dark hair and eyes and looked decidedly a little bit rougher around the edges. 

She blushed as she remembered the comment about how he and his wife liked to use math as foreplay in the bedroom. Right now, he kept pulling his wife closer for another hug and kiss while she playfully tried to escape his grasp, and Anna had to look away, because a flash of jealousy hit her like a brick. 

"Hey, Anna," came Bradley's gravelly voice as he finally released his wife, and she shook his hand as well. "Sugar told me you're from New Jersey."

Sugar? Anna was definitely beat red in the face now. "That's right."

He laughed and reached out again for a fist bump. "Way better than all these west coast losers," he said over his shoulder, earning a middle finger from another seriously good looking guy.

"Stop trying to make her think you're cool, Beer Boy," his wife told him with an eye roll before he turned away to talk to the other guy. 

The problem was, Anna already thought they were all devastatingly cool, and now she was standing here like an awkward fifth wheel. "Do you want a beer?" Jessica asked with a smile. "They have Sam Adams."

Anna didn't want to tell her about the scant five dollars in her pocket, and she also didn't want to have to thank one of the random guys who told Penny they wanted to buy her a drink, so she just shook her head. 

Then her other friend said, "Well Bob is up at the bar right now. You just missed him, actually." She was smirking as she added, "He's probably getting himself a ginger ale, but if you want a beer or something else, he'd be happy to get it for you."

She made like she was about to call out his name when Jessica said, "Bob also likes ginger ale. And the bookstore in North Park."

Anna met her eyes before turning and craning her neck. "He does?" she asked softly, thinking about those pretty eyes and wire rimmed glasses and the smell of tea leaves. And then she saw him. He was here! "Oh," she gasped. He was Bob?

---------------------------

"Thanks, Penny," Bob said as he accepted his drink. Two of the guys at the bar were talking about a cute redhead, and all he could think about was the girl from the bookshop who decided after probably four minutes and seventeen seconds that she didn't want to talk to him anymore. He wanted to look around for this mysterious, new redhead, because if he was being honest, that was something he really thought was pretty, but what was the point? She was probably already over trying to talk to Bradley or Jake or Mickey.

Yesterday, Bradley told him to start wearing his uniform to the bar if he wanted more girls to talk to him, but Bob wasn't that desperate. He still had this fantasy where he met the girl of his dreams kind of organically. But maybe wearing a Dungeons & Dragons shirt wasn't the best thing he could have paired with his jeans tonight. Jake took one look at it thirty minutes ago and told him to go home and change into something else.

"Your girlfriend likes it," Bob had told him with a smirk, and sure enough a minute later Jessica was making a fuss over it.

But now he was making his way back to the pool table where the two couples were most likely on the verge of being indecent. Seriously, if Bob had to watch Bradshaw's hands all over his wife's rear end for one more minute, he was going to scream. 

Then he saw her, and he nearly dropped his glass of ginger ale on the floor. It was the girl from the North Park bookstore. Red hair, brown eyes, freckles, kissable lips. She was looking back at him in disbelief. 

Oh my god. He was hallucinating. He must be. Jessica was talking to the redhead who wasn't paying an ounce of attention to her, because she was focused on Bob. Her lips curled into a smile, and he thought he'd better make sure. When he glanced to his left and then his right, he didn't see anyone else who could be on the receiving end of that smile besides him. 

"Bob!" called Bradshaw's wife. "Come meet Anna!"

Anna. That was the name of their new friend from the university. They talked about her all the time even though they just met her. They told him he would like her. But this was the girl who wanted that horrible Vonnegut book last weekend. This was the girl Mickey thought he imagined.

Apparently he hadn't stopped walking, because now he was right in front of the three women, and he had three pairs of wide eyes trained on his face. "I remember you," he said softly. "From the classics section." Her lips parted softly, and her pupils went wide as Bob asked, "Are you Anna?"

She nodded, her cheeks tinged with pink beneath her freckles. He almost groaned, because she was so much cuter in person than what his memory supplied. Nothing about her was flashy, which he almost preferred, but there was no way she wasn't the hot girl that those guys at the bar were talking about. 

"I am," she replied. "And you're Bob?"

He glanced at the other two women, wondering what exactly they told her about him. They looked like they were both holding their breath as he held out his hand and said, "I'm Bob Floyd. It's nice to meet you. Again."

"I'm Anna Webber." She bit her lip, a look of embarrassment overtaking her features as she shook his hand gently. Then he remembered that she ditched him last weekend, leaving nothing but the book he'd already devoured in her place like some sort of parting gift. He released her hand abruptly and cleared his throat.

Now she looked a little hurt, but he didn't know what to say. He ran his fingers through his hair, his nerves getting worse by the second as the other two women practically vibrated with excitement on either side of Anna. "Uh, thanks for that book recommendation. I loved it," he said, barely meeting Anna's pretty eyes.

She gasped and asked, "You read it? You actually read it?"

Bob was trying to formulate another coherent response, but the urge to walk out of the bar was very strong. He was already embarrassed right now, and then he heard Mickey's voice as his friend walked over. "Holy shit, she does have red hair and brown eyes."

Mickey seemed to capture Anna's attention for the time being which really grated on Bob's nerves. Nat would never do this to him, and he couldn't wait until she got home from being deployed. Then Bradshaw's wife was in his personal space along with Jessica. "So she was the girl? From the store in North Park?" she whispered, squeezing his hand.

"The one you had instant chemistry with?" Jessica added hopefully. 

Bob swallowed hard. "Yeah," he murmured. "It was Anna. But the two of you need to knock it off now, because it's probably not going to happen. There's just something about me that doesn't translate well. She kind of ditched me at the bookstore."

"What do you mean?" Jessica practically shrieked, and Bob had to hush her. "You're perfect for each other!"

He closed his eyes and shook his head, letting his awkwardness wash over him. "I don't know, Jess."

When he opened his eyes again, Anna was looking at him while she talked to Mickey, and Bob knew it would take even longer to get over the mystery woman now.

--------------------------

Anna couldn't believe Bob was the mystery man from the bookstore. Their chance meeting read like a piece of poetry that had no business being in her life, but the fact that she was meeting him for the second time felt something like fate. And she didn't like it. Not one bit. 

He was so handsome, just like Jake and Bradley. Now Anna was wondering what they fed these men in the Navy, because Mickey was very good looking as well. But the more she spoke to him, the more irritated Bob seemed. And she didn't like how his brow was pinching above his glasses. Not compared to the way he'd looked at her in the bookstore. 

Her mind was a mess right now. And then she remembered that she actually ran and hid from Bob last time she saw him. She started to panic and look around, silently coming up with an escape route, but it was too late. 

"Let's play pool?" Jessica asked a bit cautiously, and that was when Anna fully pieced it all together. Her new friends from work were going to think she wasn't attracted to Bob, but that couldn't have been further from the truth right now. Frankly she didn't know what she should do, so she followed everyone over to the pool table.

Well, everyone except for Bob. He remained at the bar alone, and she couldn't really blame him for not wanting to talk to her after the stunt she pulled in the bookstore. But she was only trying to protect herself. Maybe she could explain that to him. 

She was trying to decide if she would have hid from the most attractive man who had given her the time of day in years if she knew it was actually Bob. That's when she set down her empty glass of ginger ale because she was being handed a pool cue and told to team up with Bradley. She went through the motions, playing as well as she could while she chatted with everyone, but she found herself hoping to catch Bob's pretty eyes looking at her. Once she lost and handed the cue to Jessica, she saw him heading her way, and he had a glass of ginger ale in each hand.  

"Anna," he said softly in that voice that left her shivering. She took the drink he offered her and tried to act normal, but she was still so startled by what he said earlier. 

"Did you really read A Room with a View?" she asked quickly before she lost the nerve.

Bob smiled softly and met her eyes briefly before glancing at the floor. "Every word of it."

She bit her lip to keep from screaming. Kevin never once read any of the novels she suggested for him, preferring modern horror monstrosities instead. And then he went and actually turned her life into a horrific monstrosity which she should have probably seen coming. But right here in front of her was Bob who she had actually already met and formed a pitiful crush on, and she couldn't bring herself to say more than, "I'm happy you read it."

He was blushing now as he sipped his own ginger ale before saying, "Yeah, it was great. I wouldn't mind some more of your book recommendations, honestly. As long as you don't try to get me to read that Vonnegut."

"Cat's Cradle," she said with a laugh that had his gaze snapping back up to hers. His eyes were hopeful as she smiled at him, but she rubbed her hand along her forehead and said, "I'm sorry I... vanished. The other day."

"What happened? I told Mickey I needed a minute, and you were just gone."

She wanted to be honest with him, but she didn't know how to explain herself. And now she was starting to feel like she and Bob were in a fishbowl; so many pairs of eyes were looking their way with next to no subtlety. She cleared her throat and decided to avoid his question. "Have you read any Jane Austen?"

He looked a bit disappointed by her response, but he said, "I have not."

"I think you'd enjoy Persuasion. Or Northanger Abbey. What about Virginia Woolf?"

Bob shook his head. "I feel like I'm about to embarrass myself again like I did last weekend at the bookstore, but no, I haven't read either."

Anna practically moaned at his bashful expression and pink cheeks. He smelled so good, it was unbelievable. Why did she feel so drawn to him? Why couldn't she stop herself from taking a step closer when he muttered, "As soon as you said you knew what Cat's Cradle was about, I figured I was in way over my head. The classics kind of elude me. I'm actually more of a poetry buff."

"Poetry?" she gasped, heart pounding at an overwhelming rate as he swirled his glass of ginger ale around with nonchalance. As if he hadn't just said the sexiest thing any man had ever told her. 

"Are the two of you just going to stand here and play footsie all night?"

Anna looked up to see Jake with a smirk on his face right in front of her. She didn't even notice anyone else in her vicinity before he spoke. Bob was shaking his head and already taking a step away from her when she asked, "Do you want me to text you some more recommendations?"

Bob froze and turned to look at her with a soft smile. "That'd be great." When she handed him her unlocked phone, he quickly added his number before handing it back to her. His calloused fingers felt even more exhilarating this time, which was very bad, because she'd already been thinking about the way he accidentally touched her at the bookstore on repeat.

"I'll send you some of my ideas," she muttered, pocketing her phone again before allowing Jake to pull her away toward the pool table again. She tried her best not to let her attention return to Bob over and over again, but she mostly failed. Sure enough, after a while, she saw another woman break the perimeter of the pool table and make a beeline toward Bradley before eventually turning toward Bob. 

She was really pretty with shiny brown hair, and it made Anna uncomfortable when she touched Bob's arm. It wasn't fair. He was so lovely and soft spoken and handsome. He was even wearing a shirt Kevin would have never been caught dead in, but it made Anna smile. In another version of her life, she would have gone for it tonight. Instead she got to watch the brunette woman hand him her phone just like she'd done a few minutes prior. 

"It's pretty late," she said suddenly even though she had no idea what time it actually was. "I'm going to head out."

Advanced Calculus and Advanced Physics both looked a little alarmed. "Already?"

"Yeah," she said, setting down her ginger ale and trying to skirt past Bob and the unknown woman. She gave both of her friends a quick hug and said, "I have a lot to prepare for my upcoming classes this weekend."

"Let me walk you to your car," Bob replied immediately, slipping away from the brunette to be closer to Anna. "Maybe you can give me the titles of the Jane Austen books again?" His cheeks were flushed, and the other woman looked annoyed now which did make Anna smile.

"Persuasion and Northanger Abbey," she repeated for him as she started to walk past the bar sending a wave in the direction of the pool table. Bob was following her now as she added, "And I don't have a car, so there's nothing to walk me to."

"Persuasion and Northanger Abbey," he repeated softly to himself. "Will you let me drive you home then?" he asked hopefully. "All I had to drink was ginger ale."

Anna let herself look up at him before she shook her head. "I'll get an Uber, but thanks for offering. It was nice to meet you. Again."

"It sure was," he agreed as he continued to follow her all the way to the door.

With one last glance over her shoulder, she noticed the dark haired woman on her tiptoes looking around for Bob. "Your brunette friend is looking for you," Anna said softly before slipping outside into the cool night air and opening the rideshare app on her phone. Bob didn't follow her any further, and she rode home with disappointment and sadness thrumming through her body. She was out of cheap wine, but at least she had her favorite poetry website to keep her company.

-------------------------

Bob groaned as he nudged his glasses up his nose and pressed his fingertips to his eyes until he was seeing stars. "But I like redheads," he moaned to himself. He could not believe it. He really just couldn't get over the fact that tonight of all nights some random woman started to chat him up. Anna could barely look at him to begin with, but now he'd be damn lucky if she actually texted him the book recommendations at all. 

His dream girl was Anna. Anna was the perfect woman he met at the bookstore. Anna was the one he'd been thinking about nonstop, but now he had confirmation that she wasn't into him. That's why she vanished last weekend. That's why she gave him the cold shoulder tonight when he was practically tripping over himself at the sight of her. She was perfect. He was just hopeless. He could keep thinking about her, but what was the point? Now that he knew she worked with his friends, he had to stop this crush in its tracks and try to save face.

"There you are, Robby." A hand snaked around his side to his abs, and he almost jumped a foot in the air. He hated being called that, and he hated that Anna saw this woman talking to him. 

"Hi," he said cautiously, taking a step away from her. 

"Is the redhead your girlfriend?" she asked, clearly annoyed now.

Bob sighed and said, "I wish."

She rolled her eyes and vanished back into the crowd, leaving him alone again. He never imagined he'd have such an eventful night involving the fairer sex. "Damn it," he whispered as he made his way back toward the pool table to his friends. 

"There he is!" Bradley called out with his hands cupped around his mouth. "Big ol' Bob! Did you just give your phone number to not one but two women?"

His wife and Jessica both looked mad now. "I thought you liked Anna," Jessica snapped. "Once we realized she was the redhead from the bookstore, we thought you'd probably end up sneaking off with her or something."

Bob could feel the heat rising in his face. "Come on," he replied, giving Jessica a look. "There's no way that would have happened. And I didn't give that other woman my number. I didn't even want to talk to her." In a softer voice, he added, "She just started touching me for no reason."

Bradley's wife pulled Bob in for a quick hug as she said, "Pretty soon, you'll be as good at dodging them as Bradley is." She looked him in the eye and quietly asked, "Now what happened with Anna?"

"I don't really know." That was his honest answer. "I was excited to see her again. I guess I imagined she vanished in the bookstore like some sort of romanticized Cinderella fairytale or something stupid when in reality she just... kind of got tired of talking to me. She seemed a little uncomfortable when she saw me again tonight, so that must be it."

"I think you're wrong," she said with conviction that almost made Bob believe it himself. "Jess and I will ask her about it next week."

"Please don't," he groaned, shaking his head. "I'm going to go home. See you at D&D tomorrow," he told Jessica before stopping by the bar to pay for the ginger ales, but Penny just waved him on. He left her a ten dollar tip and walked out to his truck. 

It wasn't even that late, and when he parked in front of his duplex, his elderly next door neighbor was still awake with her door propped open for her cat to come back inside. As Bob trudged up the shared walkway with his key in hand, she called out, "Robert! Is that you?"

"Hi, Suzanne," he replied with a laugh. "It's me."

She was sitting on her couch, and he could hear game show reruns playing as she loudly said, "You're home pretty early for a Friday night. Still haven't found a girlfriend?"

Bob groaned. He could kick himself for even mentioning that he wished he had a girlfriend a few weeks ago when he took dinner over for her one Sunday evening. "Still single," he confirmed as he headed for his front door which was all of ten feet away from hers. 

She scoffed, and Bob saw her massive cat, Sylvester, streak back inside. "You must not be trying very hard, Robert. Handsome, strong thing like you."

It was like arguing with his grandma, so he just avoided it completely. "Okay, I saw Sylvester run inside, so I'm going to close your front door. Make sure you lock it before you go to sleep. Good night, Suzanne."

He pulled her door closed for her and then unlocked his, and he walked inside to find his copy of A Room with a View sitting on the coffee table. It seemed to be taunting him like it knew he'd seen the adorable redhead again. And struck out a second time. He was confused and hurt and annoyed, and he just wanted to go to bed and pretend like he wasn't as hopeless as he felt. 

-----------------------------

These babes need to get themselves straightened out! Anna, he thinks you're not into him! Bob, she's scared to admit she is! Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 4

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[kozachenko]

I swear to god, Zanmu has just been on my mind recently, she's taking over my fucking brain please send help

Artist's Note:

Why is it that everytime I do a drawing of Zanmu I always make the canvas size fucking huge and it ends up being a living nightmare to fucking export. I swear to god I had to go from 1200 DPI to 600 to 350.

Exporting hell aside, I loved working on this piece. With Zanmu's design, I wanted to combine all the design details that I love and have seen in other people's drawings of Zanmu and give them my own personal touches. First of all, her sleeves were inspired by @amemenojaku's design for Zanmu, and I absolutley love that detail because not only does it make her feel more regal, it also can be a callback to Satori and old hell, and also gives me the idea that Satori's fashion sense was inspired by Zanmu because IRL a lot of historical fashion was inspired by what the nobles were wearing at the time, and since Satori was around since when Old Hell used to be Hell, she probably took some wardrobe inspo from her (or it could be my headcanon that Satori could've been Zanmu's royal advisor or she was in her court or something but that theory is kinda grasping at strings from other headcanons I have, but that's for a different post). Also, the eye makeup she has was inspired by @jothelion's drawings of Zanmu, and like, I fucking love that detail because it just adds so much like omg I just love it sm.

And now for the design details I put in. I gave Zanmu tassel earrings because I think they'd look great on her. I also really like to exaggerate her hair and really try to make it look wild, as well as having little grey hairs here and there. I also try to add some wrinkles to the corners of her eyes, but TBH I don't know how visible that detail is, since the image is pretty fucking big. I also really exaggerated the tassles/strings on her outfit, since I really wanted to play around with the potential flow they could have. Also, big fan of giving Zanmu longer sleeves and pants. IDK why but I just like how it flows better. Also big fan of making her taller, idk why a lot of fanart makes her short. Also, I placed her horns closer to the front of her head as I just think placing horns in that position looks cool.

Also, if you're wondering about the halo, I took some inspiration from a few of Caravaggio's paintings where he often depicts saints with this very thin halo around the top of their heads. I just liked that detail a lot so I thought I'd include it.

Fun fact, I was originally gonna make the four skeletons Chiyari, Biten, Enoko, and Hisami but I didn't like the prospect of having to draw four more characters, so I chose to replace them with skeletons (if you wanna get silly with it, Zanmu got Hisami to kidnap Aya, set up some skeletons with bones from her bone collection and told her to take a picture of her).

I kinda gave up on Zanmu's feet and the one skeleton's hands (as if drawing hands normally is hard enough but NOPE, HAD TO MAKE IT LIVING HELL FOR MYSELF BY MAKING IT A SKELETON) and the quality of the image may suffer because of how much I had to fucking compress it (Zanmu's presence alone was enough to make the computer lose all of it's desire and motivation to export the drawing of her lmao), but I have been hacking at this piece for a while now, plus I need to learn when to call it quits when it comes to drawings). Also as I was fixing up the hands there was one spot where I forgot to clean up with the sketch and I can't fucking unsee that now and it's going to fucking bother me until I fix it but fixing it requires going back and putting my computer through hell so yeah.

So yeah, that's about all I have to say with this drawing, it was fun but also a nightmare lol

[the-s1lly-corner]

CRP characters crushing on the reader 2/2

Placeholder opening here, check part 1 for the other characters! i dont usually write for zalgo because my take on him is... so... yeah... and hard to write for him, but the idea of this intangible godlike entity that can warp realities falling for someone is horrifying

Characters: Jane, Jeff, Ticci Toby, Nina, Bloody Painter, Zalgo

Notes: reader is GN but post mainly focuses on the canon characters, admin uses any pronouns for nina so if you see the pronouns swapping that's why!, heavy hcs for Zalgo and his part isnt really open for "it gets better and you guys get together" no his part is just... horrifying

CWs: zalgo is zalgo; ie non human entity does not follow human morals and is kind of... toxic and horrifying

JANE

I need you guys to bare with me because this blog has always been hc/au heavy with how I write characters but between all the main crps, Jane is probably the most likely to just.. be a normal person 90% of the time, so the chances of you and her meeting during a normal day is pretty high. She's closed off so you don't even notice that there's feelings developing on her end. If there is a difference it's just her being slightly more affectionate and open to you. She becomes even more protective of you, can you blame her? You've heard of the rumors about her family... She doesn't deny her feelings if you ask her, though, so it's a clean confession when the time comes instead of it just being spilled or forced out.

JEFF

He's so full of himself that he approaches you without thinking anything through because he's so confident that you're going to just fall for him. Makes a lot of jokes with you, some darker than others. Flirts with you up front because once more, he's so confident that you're into him that he doesn't take a moment to consider that you would reject him. Probably takes rejection the worst, at least out of the characters on this list. And that's on being on the run since your mid teen years, he didn't interact with many people because of that. "Oh you dig me" as you slap his arm because he said something dumb.

TICCI TOBY

Very similar to the other proxies, watches you from afar but he decides to interact with you sooner than the other two. He's wary, because he doesn't want to humiliate himself or screw anything up but he's so so so desperate to meet someone new who's in his age range so he's doing his best to appeal to you. Sometimes slips up because he's trying too hard. He can pester you and get on your nerves, but he doesn't mean anything wrong by it... usually.. You outright ask him if he has a crush on you and you can see him internally scrambling for something to say. It's actually a little sweet. Probably the most normal out of them all asides Jane, at least by Creepypasta standards.

NINA

Oh she is so upfront about her feelings for you! Makes you small trinkets and keepsakes with random stuff she finds. Very quick to approach you as well and make a friendship. Very chill if you don't end up returning their feelings, and more than happy to keep up a friendship with you if you want that. A yapper, too, so they have a habit of keeping you by keeping a conversation up and alive longer than others would. Custom kandi for you as well, with your favorite colors and some stuff they know you like! As an aside, Nina is a "cringe fandom enjoyer", so you guys can get into the same things and be cringe and free together! Not related to this post but have it as a bonus!

BLOODY PAINTER

He finds himself drawing you more than he draws his other subjects, and honestly its a little frustrating. You start finding some of his papers laying around. He approaches you so he can try to get even more accurate with his art, having the real thing as a reference is much better than relying off of memories of you wandering around town. Once the initial tenseness dies down, you might be able to get a few words out of him while he's drawing. "Muse of an artist" trope, a lot of the things he makes are dedicated to you in one way or another. His art is the only real tip that there's something going on, because otherwise he's good about swallowing and hiding his emotions.

ZALGO

Bonus character, Zalgo would literally alter the universe if he could to ensure that you're there and his. He can manipulate media, and create creatures.. I mean in my au he's literally the reason half the creepypastas exist... I WAS going to make a joke that he makes a stand in to act for him, but he's so into you that he can't stand the idea of someone else being with you... doesnt matter if he was living vicariously through it. Genuine psychological horror elements here with him warping the world around you in an attempt to get your attention and to get you to come to him. Technical cosmic / otherworldly horror (?) because he's something that transcends just about everything in universe. Simultaneously everywhere at anytime all the time, there is no real way to get away from him. Horrifying stuff.

[starheavenly]

hiii!!! loving your locket comics!!!!!! just wanted to ask a few questions about your process, if you dont mind :D

whats your general process like?

do you do thumbnails, how do they look like?

roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?

how detailed are your sketches? do you do multiple?

do you have any specific techniques for lineart?

do you typically use references for your comics?

generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?

do you have any advice for drawing comics?

sorry for for the absolute bombardment of questions, lmao. just really enjoy your art and comics and very interested in the behind the scenes!! feel free to skip any questions (or this whole ask) well wishes and salutations!!! :D

Hello! I'm so glad you enjoy my comics, and I totally don't mind breaking down the process!

For a normal comic page, I would likely actually write a script since it's much easier to keep track of dialogue and actions. But since these are short, I just write it into my thumbnails.

Step 1: Thumbnails. Easily one of my favorite parts, since I get to throw all my ideas down. I do these comics on a 2-panel grid, so I don't have to worry about actual paneling, and it allows me to focus more on the setup of each shot. Think of it like storyboarding!

Step 2: Add cleaner thumbs if needed. I actually made 3D models of Deadlock and Ratchet's chest in Blockbench, so I often trace them to save myself some time! (It might look insane, but I promise, for me, it's not.)

Step 3: Lettering! I actually like to get the lettering out of the way right away since it can take a while. Ever since I started treating lettering as its own form of art, my skills have gotten better, but it also takes much longer.

Step 4: Clean sketch! I'm just now finding out that people think I’m doing lineart for these? I am not… these are all just clean sketches. Maybe doing the blackwork gives the illusion of lineart?

Step 5: Color! Most of these comics are in black and white to save time, but it also lets me focus on values and shot framing again. I add my glow overlay to the eyes, and boom, done!

Roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?

It really depends on how complicated the panels are. I like to step out of my comfort zone. I know the Grimlock and Misfire one took longer because of how many panels there were and the fact that I was drawing characters I’d never drawn before, but I’d say it usually takes around 5-8 hours for a whole page.

Do you typically use references for your comics?

I'm literally the reference GOD- we all know this. But yes, I love using references and doing character studies. I have yet to do a study on LL Drift, but I have a few references of him that I’ve made.

Generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?

I mean, I wouldn't say I don't put in a lot of effort? I put in enough. I don't know… there's a point in the clean sketch process where you can kind of just turn off your brain. I'm passionate about comics, but we can all agree there's a point in a drawing where you just zone out.

Do you have any advice for drawing comics?

I think being able to balance dialogue and visuals is super important. I don't know if you guys have picked up a graphic novel from Barnes & Noble recently, but if you open a page, you'll see a character sitting with the biggest bubble you've ever seen, filled with paragraphs of text. While I get it—being a novel as much as it's graphic—I personally like to visualize emotions more. If it means adding two more panels to make an interesting dialogue setup, I don't mind doing it. Another thing to remember is that not all panels need to have details or 100% effort. Sometimes you need to simplify and move on, and that's okay! Those two extra panels that are giving you a better stage setup might be the ones that need fewer details and less time. I would consider my comic page work and my 4-panel work very different. One is about paneling, setup, and visuals, while the other is very much like storyboarding. Both are skills you learn with practice and study.

[creatingblackcharacters2]

Did you know that the creator of #Inktober stole his work from a Black artist?

Now you do!

I want to kick off October by talking about #Blacktober, an event for supporting Black and Black biracial artists that ran from 2020 to 2023!

According to the organizers' own website:

In response to the creator of Inktober plagiarizing his art book from Alphonso Dunn, and the antiblack harassment Black cosplayers and artists face for re-imagining their favorite characters as Black in media and an art community where we're underrepresented - we created #Blacktober in 2020 in hopes to celebrate ourselves, nurture the community and create a positive, empowering space for Black creatives.

Any Black creative and/or cosplayer can tell you that creating or cosplaying beloved characters while Black will lead to vitriol. From comments as supposedly "harmless" such as "oh thats the "Black version" of [character]" (instead of acknowledging that they are the character), to more overt antiblackness like "n***er [character]" and "[character] isn't Black!" with the intent to mock both the creator and the character in question. They suggest that the Blackness is an insult to the character, that it's not accurate. Far less normalized is anyone saying "white [character]" or "cracker [character]" about white people cosplaying nonwhite characters.

Virulent antiblack racism towards organizers and participants was amongst the main reasons that the organizers had to let go of hosting Blacktober.

We've had a blast with everyone these past 3 years watching fan art to original creations be born out of a passion for seeing ourselves in media. However, we, the organizers, are no longer able to keep going with this event, especially with the current state of social media. We've had to combat a lot both on the front lines and behind the scenes. Not just the organizers, but also those participating. This, along with time, was two of the few reasons why we've decided to sunset.

While Blacktober itself is unfortunately no longer an organized event, Black and Black biracial artists might still choose to draw something for the month under the #Blacktober tag.

No, this is not for nonblack creatives to participate in themselves. Not for you nor your Black OCs!

It's a shame that racism constantly seeks to destroy what Black people create, and that it's so common to steal, take credit for, and benefit from our work. But you can avoid being a part of that by supporting Black creatives in your space! I am sure they are there, if you put in the effort to look for them! Search the tag- you might find old AND new work! This also includes standing by them when they speak up on mistreatment within your communities. When you don't speak against antiblack racism, it means you tolerate its existence. And when you tolerate antiblackness, guess what it makes you? We can't say fandom is for everyone, and then not act to make it so. Let's do better.

Happy Blacktober!

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 14

Summary: Together, everyone continues to enjoy New York City, but the fun comes to an end when Joel's feelings for Y/N makes things uncomfortable between them. Negan gives Joel a huge surprise that Joel's not ready for.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Elizabeth, Peter, Maggie, Tommy Miller, Maria, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/156587101

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Joel sings again in this chapter, dirty talk, etc.

Notes: This is being put up late because I fell asleep. Sorry about that. Thanks for those that read and comment! The song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls is a big part of this chapter. If anyone wants to listen to what it sounds like. I also edited this when I was very tired, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!

Hope was a very influential emotion. It could make you do things that you didn’t think you were capable of. Today it had Joel feeling a lot of things. It had him acting ways he wouldn’t normally. After last night and this morning, Joel was in better spirits than he had been in a very long time. So he was enjoying things more. He was putting forth more of an effort to be outgoing, optimistic. Friendly. Giving the energy that he thought his family wanted from him on this trip. Everyone seemed to enjoy this change in Joel, even himself.

After their shower, Joel and Y/N came downstairs to see that Negan and Elizabeth were finishing breakfast for everyone. What was hard was hiding the fact that they were both wet. Joel was pretty certain that Tommy may have picked up on something, but neither one of them tried to draw attention to things.

During their breakfast, Elizabeth enthusiastically told her uncle about what happened earlier in the morning. About how she woke up and Joel was missing. Which of course had Tommy asking a lot of questions to Joel when they were alone, but Joel refused to answer them in any way to give Tommy some kind of hint as to what happened. It was only his business with Negan and Y/N. That was it.

They had to finish breakfast fast because Negan had plans to take them to a Christmas market at Union Square. It was a longer walk to get there, so Negan had them driven there by a person he hired. And the car was insane. It definitely felt way too rich for Joel’s blood. Stuff like that still made Joel feel ridiculously uncomfortable. Because it felt like Negan was using his celebrity status to do things most people wouldn’t be able to. And in his opinion? Being driven around the city in expensive cards did draw unnecessary attention to his family in New York City. Even though those discomforts were lingering, Joel didn’t speak up or saying anything.

While they seemed to enjoy being at Union Square, most everyone seemed to enjoy Bryant Park more. Peter went through trying a bunch of food and it was usually without Joel realizing because Negan was consistently buying everyone things. And no matter how much Joel attempted to be comfortable with this kind of thing, he wasn’t. Having Negan pampering his whole family including him just made him ill at ease. The only thing that Joel had managed to accept from Negan was an apple cider donut that Negan had bought for him. It was one of his weaknesses and he had a hard time turning that stuff away.

Today was more about being tourists. Y/N had her camera out, taking photos of everything that caught her eye. Elizabeth was excited to get everything in and Peter was just happy to be there. Tommy and Maria were acting like what they were. A brand-new couple, high on each other and happy to be near one another.

They didn’t stay nearly as long at Union Square as they had Bryant Park the night before. Getting back into the cars, Negan had them driven to Macy’s claiming it was important getting to see it at Christmas time. Since Negan was the only person that had been there he gave them all the ‘so called’ tour. And because Negan was a celebrity, he managed to skip a large line of people that were there to get a photo with Santa Claus so all of them could have a keepsake. Getting to skip the line felt wrong to Joel. But then again? Considering how long that line was, Joel actually appreciated that they didn’t have to wait like everyone else. Christmas was days away and this experience was a whole lot easier than it was back at home when Joel got photos done with Peter and Elizabeth on his own.

The next thing they did was go to the Empire State Building because Negan insisted it was a must see for them. As a contractor, this was something that Joel knew Negan wanted him to see. While it was interesting, Joel found himself mostly just wanting to be near Y/N. Right now he felt close to her. Closer than they had felt in a long time and he was enjoying the fact that they weren’t fighting or uncomfortable with each other. Wanting to keep going, Elizabeth got them to go to Central Park where she was eager to walk around, everywhere. Problem was? Most of them were exhausted. They dragged along, but they certainly didn’t have the energy that Peter and Elizabeth had.

That meant there was a lot of coffee that was downed and Joel counted on Tommy and Maria to watch after them in the moments that he couldn’t with Y/N. If he was tired? Joel knew that Y/N would only be that much more tired.

Once the sun started to set, the group had decided to go ice skating. Negan denied going out on the ice suggesting that he hold onto Y/N’s camera to keep it safe. Out of the group, Joel was the only one that knew that Negan had hurt his knee doing the piano stunt the night before. Truthfully? Joel didn’t fight him on it. That meant more alone time with Y/N and he was eager to take it. At first, Negan just sat down on a bench alone, but Elizabeth wanted to go to a place that served hot chocolate that was famous because of a movie that it was featured in. Since Negan knew where it was, he agreed to take her allowing the rest of them to keep skating.

And that’s where they were now. Skating together and Joel loved it. Peter had met some kids that he was hanging out with. Tommy and Maria were enjoying themselves and Joel was skating on the ice with Y/N holding her hand.

“This has been nice,” Joel informed Y/N with a long sigh, gazing over at Y/N with awe. Thinking back on it, Joel couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good about things. Everything in the moment felt perfect. And he liked feeling that way. “I feel like I’m a kid again with you. It’s like I’m seventeen, deeply in love and happy. This has actually turned out to be a better trip than I thought it would be.”

“You had your doubts?” she wondered, frowning at the idea that he didn’t think he would enjoy himself. “You wanted to come here so bad when we were kids, Joel. I don’t know why you thought it would be awful.”

“It’s not the city that made it good Y/N,” Joel stressed to her, wanting her to understand that while when he was younger the city would have made him happy, it was more so the things that they were doing that left an impact on him. “It’s the moments. I’ve enjoyed getting to spend time with everyone and I don’t know…making memories?”

“That’s good,” she squeezed her fingers tighter around his, finding herself almost slipping. Spinning her into his arms, Joel smiled with her falling in against his chest. Sweeping his gloved covered hand in over the side of her face, Joel’s eyes were locked on hers. Giving her a wink, Joel lowered down as if to kiss her and she uneasily tipped her face to the side so that he kissed in over her cheek. “Thank you.”

“What was that?” Joel stammered, feeling a lump developing in his throat after being denied the kiss. Giving him an awkward expression, she motioned Joel to follow her back to skating again, but he refused to move from where they were at the edge of the rink. “Hey?”

“Tommy or Peter could see,” she whispered looking back in search of their family. At this point? They really hadn’t put a label or made things official with what they were doing with Negan. Publicly, they were hiding things still. So she didn’t even understand why Joel went for the kiss in the first place. This morning they had avoided walking down together after they had done what they had in the shower. “If Peter saw, he could get the wrong idea about things. We don’t want that.”

“The wrong idea about things?” Joel repeated with an ache growing at the center of his chest. Letting out an uncomfortable sound, Joel shook his head and bit down on his bottom lip. “I would think that Peter would be okay with his parents getting along again. After last night and this morning…”

“Joel,” she hushed him, placing her finger in over Joel’s lips to silence him from talking any further about this. Urging him to follow her, they got off the ice and went over to sit down on a bench changing out of their skates. It left them close enough to still keep a watch on Peter and the other two. Sliding in closer to her, Joel looked over at her and was searching for some kind of answer. “If Peter saw us kissing, he might think we’re getting back together.”

“I…” Joel stammered, his eyebrows tensing thinking about the words that just left her lips. “I’m confused. I thought after last night that there was that chance that maybe the two of us…that maybe things were okay and we might think of restarting our relationship again.”

“Well, we can talk to Negan about things with the three of us, but…” she started to ramble provoking him to shake his head firmly after she mentioned Negan.

“I’m not talking about Negan,” Joel claimed, his jaw tensing up at the idea of him being mentioned again. “You came to me this morning worried that I might look at you different. You didn’t stay with Negan, you came to me. There is something between the two of us that can’t be broken. You know that just as much as I do. So what if we show affection toward each other in public? I think the children should get used to it.”

“Yeah, but Joel,” she began, her face twisting with sadness. Outstretching her hand, she placed it in over his and gave it a small squeeze. “I’m with Negan.”

“Yeah, but last night…” Joel shook his head considering what happened between the three of them. “You were really happy. And with us…I thought you were feeling what I was. I thought you might feel the same way I did and maybe the two of us could try again at something.”

“Last night was incredible Joel and I am happy. I love spending time with you and…I do love you,” she swore seemingly conflicted with what she was saying. “But I was never planning on leaving Negan for you. I thought you understood that. Negan was allowing you to be part of something, but that’s it. If anything, it was him allowing you to be part of our relationship. Not having him hand me over to you.”

“It kind of feels like you’re saying what happened last night between us was nothing,” Joel stressed, tugging his hand back and away from Y/N who seemed worried with his response to things. “It didn’t feel like nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing,” she shook her head, stretching her hand out to caress in over the side of Joel’s face. Earlier it seemed like he understood things, but now he was getting extremely emotional about everything they were talking about. “It was special. And I enjoyed it very much. But I am officially dating Negan. Negan is my boyfriend and I told him that I wanted to make this work between us. I told you the same thing. You knew that going into last night.”

“But how you’ve been acting…” Joel reasoned with her, his head shaking in disbelief. Between the two of them both this morning and last night things felt so much more passionate between them. Like they were bonding again with each other and there was that potential for something more. “We’re happy again. I feel like Negan is the third wheel here. Eventually it’s just going to be us again and…”

“Joel, that’s not what’s happening here,” she stressed, sadness flooding her eyes that Joel was going to this. Now she was starting to realize how much that threesome they had may have been a bad idea. Especially since these were the feelings that Joel was drawing up from it. “If anything, I think Negan would be comfortable with the three of us having something together, but…”

“I would ultimately be the third wheel,” Joel finished for her having her searching for words to say. That idea just pissed him off. He was the one that had been with her for almost two decades. Negan may have been there for her first, but he only just came back and had been there a few weeks. “You weren’t acting like I was a third wheel.”

“You’re not. I love you both,” she assured him having a hard time looking at him with the way his face was mixed with both sadness and what appeared to be anger. “Would you even be comfortable with people knowing that you were in a three-way relationship with us?”

“You act like it’s going to last longer than when he has to go back for spring training,” Joel brought back what he had said to her previously which had her frowning. “You’re putting him in the front runner position when he’s just going to leave you when work calls. Right now you’re just a distraction for him when he’s off of work and at home. I was with you first. I know you better than anyone. It should be us that’s…”

“Mom!” Elizabeth called out walking side by side with Negan cutting Joel’s words off. Right now, Joel was fired up and he wanted to keep talking about what they were, but he knew that opportunity was now gone with their daughter approaching. “That was so cool. Because of Negan being who he is, we were able to sit at the table they did with the movie! They gave us free drinks, showed us around. My friends are going to be so jealous.”

“Don’t tell, but she didn’t really like the hot chocolates,” Negan muttered, nudging Elizabeth with his arm when Y/N stood up from the bench leaving Joel to himself. Moving in beside her mother, Elizabeth pulled out her phone to show her photos. Once she was done, Negan waved Y/N forward to look at the camera that was hers that he was holding for her. “I’m not the best at photography, but I got some photos of your daughter there and some other places on the walk back.”

“Adorable,” Y/N winked, giving her daughter a one-armed hug. A moment later Elizabeth was sliding in beside Joel to show him. Even though there was misery in his eyes, Joel put on a fake smile and listened to what she had to say. Right now Y/N didn’t know whether or not to tell Negan what was going on, but since Elizabeth was with them, she opted not to.

Getting her camera back from Negan, she took some photos around the park and of their family. All the while feeling very guilty about everything that was happening. Last night, she didn’t think Joel would really take things the way that he did. The idea of them being a trio was something that she was completely okay with, but Joel seemed to have it in his head that she was going to leave Negan for him and the two of them would be together. If she would have known that’s how things would have gone, she wasn’t sure she would have allowed last night to happen.

The happiness that Joel had previously during the day had turned to a quiet, shut down version of himself. Even the children had asked him multiple times if he was okay because they picked up on the change. Maybe she handled that all wrong and it was the only thing that she could keep thinking about for the rest of the time that they were together at the park.

On the way home, Elizabeth had wanted to see the lights that they walked by the night before. Joel had suggested that he wanted to go home and when she thought she would go back with him so they could talk, he quickly changed his mind to stick around. He didn’t want to talk to her. Which meant this was bad and she knew it.

Once home, everyone was tired. Sluggishly each one of them walked back into the apartment, ready for bed, but then Negan alerted them that he was going to take the adults downstairs to a bar that he wanted to show them. Elizabeth and Peter were okay with it. They were just going to sit in front of the gigantic television in the living room to watch some movies for a while.

Instead of just heading down there, they all chose to clean up some and gather back at the elevator in the apartment. Leading them toward the bar, Negan seemed excited, yet Joel lagged in the back keeping his head down with his hands pushed into his pockets.

“You know what this is right?” Negan muttered loudly as they walked into the bar together, stopping when they were surrounded by a large crowd of people that were waiting. “This bar is famous for finding some of the biggest artists to this day. Some of the top singers came from here. Started here. Big wigs are always hanging around the place.”

Joel didn’t react. Just stood there. When the owner of the bar came around to take Negan to a special table that they had prepared for him, Joel rolled his eyes. Negan left out the part where he called ahead and planned this days ago. They were given one of the nicest tables away from the crowd. The owner even brought them an expensive bottle of alcohol for free. Joel turned it down in order to get a cheap beer for himself that he insisted that he paid for.

“Can we talk?” Y/N whispered under her breath. She was seated between Negan and Joel at the booth they were at. Ever since the park she felt bad about everything that had went down. “I feel like I didn’t say things right at the park. I don’t want you feeling this bad about everything. You were right, things were good between us and I think I said things wrong that just…”

“We already talked. I understand, you don’t have to try to make me feel better,” Joel grunted under his breath, finishing off his beer and then waving down one of the waitresses that were eager to dote on their table since Negan was a celebrity for them. Pretty quickly Joel was three beers in and Y/N wished he would tone it down.

“I’ll be right back,” Negan tapped his hand on the table from where he was sitting at the end of the booth. Sliding out, he gave Y/N’s shoulder a quick squeeze and leaned over to press a kiss against her cheek. “Don’t run away.”

With a final wink Negan back stepped and headed somewhere in the bar leaving her alone with Joel, Tommy and Maria.

“This is pretty cool, right?” Tommy broke the ice, trying to get his brother to talk about what was going on. “We dreamt of coming to places like this when we were kids. Remember? You always thought you would bring your guitar, sing and then someone would notice you. I’m pretty sure this is the actual bar you talked about all the time. And now you’re actually here.”

“Yeah,” Joel stammered, his head nodding about when he dragged his fingers over the bottle that he was holding. “The only thing is? If we would have tried coming here when we were younger we would have gotten kicked out. We were poor little Latino boys that would have never gotten through that door. Nor would I have ever been given a chance.”

“You never know,” Maria suggested after the silence surrounded them at the table. Joel’s negativity made things uncomfortable, but Maria was trying to keep things positive. “I’m sure you would have swept people off your feet with your southern charm and your boyishly cute looks.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Joel scoffed, his eyebrows bouncing up when he took another big gulp of the beer that he had grabbed himself. An act had just gotten off the stage so it was just the sound of loud talking at this point. “Why did Negan even bring us here? I don’t give a shit about music anymore and I really think we should just sleep if we want to go another day tomorrow.”

“Does this thing work?” a horrible ringing sound came from the microphone up on stage after the owner started tapping on it. Everyone in the bar cringed with the sound that echoed throughout the place. “Now that I’ve ran everyone off with that, I thought I would introduce a guest of mine. He’s not the most popular in New York City, especially during the baseball season, but he’s one of the funniest guys I know. Please don’t boo him too hard. Or maybe do. It might knock him off his game when he comes back to New York for his final year of playing. Please welcome my friend, Negan Smith.”

A loud groaning sound was heard from Joel with him dropping his head and shaking it in disbelief drawing the tables attention. There was a round of applause from mostly women, but the boos did come from the men. Truthfully? Y/N was surprised that Joel didn’t enjoy that bit. The New Yorkers took their baseball teams seriously. Especially since Negan was on the team that they hated the most.

Noticing Negan stepping up onto the stage, Y/N got curious when she saw that there was an acoustic guitar in his hand. Getting before the microphone, Negan waved his hand a bit more, antagonizing the boos and urging on the cheers that he got from those that did know him.

“I know, I know. There is a whole hell of a lot of you that don’t like me. And I’m okay with that. I welcome that,” Negan hushed the crowd getting hackled by a few of those that weren’t a fan of him. It had Negan smiling and it seemed to entertain him that people disliked him. “It’s just gonna fuel me to do better when you see me here next.”

“Of course he’s gonna fucking sing,” Joel slurred under his breath with a firm shake of his head. “He’s gonna get himself killed and stabbed by the end of the night. I told him that New Yorkers weren’t okay with him walking around like it’s no big fucking deal.”

“Joel,” Y/N tried to keep Joel quiet but instead Joel just rolled his eyes and looked to the stage with a disgusted expression.

“See, I’m not here for me,” Negan declared, changing the position of the guitar in his hands to strum at the strings. “I can play the guitar, but my singing voice? It’s shit. Unlike my baseball skills…”

There was another round of boos that had Negan snorting and he shrugged his shoulders, “Don’t worry. I’m not about to bore you with any comedian shit here. I just came here because I have a friend. One of my oldest friends actually who had a dream of coming to this very place when we were kids. Talked about it all the time. Today is the first time he’s ever been here. He should have been here years ago, but you see my friend, he’s a hell of a guy. Life didn’t go the way he planned and he had to give up his dreams to take care of his little brother. More than anything, this guy wanted to be a singer so I came here today hoping you guys would let him sing for you.”

“The fuck,” Joel dropped the beer bottle, jumping when some of it spilled out on the table and it started to pour out toward him. Quickly, Y/N helped him clean it up when he looked to her with a panicked expression. “Did you know about this?”

“No, I didn’t,” she swore with Joel’s face going completely pale.

“Now this man hasn’t played in public in a very long time so he’s a little bit shy. Hell, he didn’t even know that I was doing this today so I’m kinda putting his ass on the spot,” Negan spun the guitar in his hands looking out into the crowd.

“Asshole,” a person shouted having Negan snicker and nod his head.

“You’re not wrong,” Negan shrugged his shoulders, accepting the diss that was thrown his way. “I’m sure he’s not too happy with me right now either, but I think everyone should be given a chance to live their dreams once.”

“If he’s your friend, he must suck,” another man yelled out from the crowd causing Joel to sink down in the booth hoping to just disappear from the moment that was happening right now.

“You suck,” Tommy called out back getting a round of laughs from his response. Patting Joel on the shoulder, Tommy realized that it looked like his brother was trying to disappear under the table. “The hell are you doing?”

“I’m just wasting time at this point. If you could do me the honor of accepting my dear friend Joel Miller up here to sing for you tonight, it’d be really fucking nice of you,” Negan held out the guitar in the direction of the booth that he had left his friends at. “Be nice to him, okay? Because if you’re not, just remember I’m really fucking good with a bat.”

There were laughs from the crowd at the serious expression that Negan gave them that was followed by a big cheesy smile afterwards, “So come on up here Joel.”

A bright spotlight was suddenly put on the table having Joel’s brown eyes get big. Shaking his head immediately caused the crowd to laugh at his response and it had color flooding into Joel’s face, “I’m good. No thank you!”

“Like I said, he’s a little nervous so please amp him up a little bit here,” Negan asserted, having the crowd clapping for him, but Joel shook his head again.

“Come on big brother. This is what you always wanted,” Tommy pat Joel on the shoulder with Joel continuing to refuse to go up there. “You can do this.”

“I can’t. I haven’t sang in front of a crowd since I was a teenager,” Joel stressed to Tommy what he knew to be the truth. An overwhelming sense of panic flooded through him and he didn’t know how to get out of here fast enough.

“Hey, you can do this,” Y/N promised, grabbing a tight hold of his shoulder. Shaking his head, Joel tried to get her to move so he could run away but she grabbed a firm hold of his upper arms. “Just think about it. When the children hear tonight what you did, they are going to be so proud of you. I’ll be proud of you. Do it for them. Do it for me. Do it for the child in you that still yearns for this life. Live it once.”

That last bit crushed him. Swallowing down hard, he spoke quiet enough for only the table to hear, “What if I suck?”

“Then at least we will be here to support you,” Tommy blurt out, shoving into Joel’s back to try to push him out of the booth.

Getting up from the table, Y/N let Joel out who stood there looking like he was going to die being put on the spot. A few catcalls had him looking around the crowd and Joel rubbed at his lips with the back of his hand. Going to turn away toward the door to run, Joel ran straight into a large mass that was behind him. Looking up, Joel realized it was the security that had been put on the table to protect them during the night and he huffed.

“Yeah, lead him up here if you could,” Negan waved his fingers with the security helping Joel through the crowd up toward the stage. “Just so he doesn’t get lost.”

At the steps to the stage, the security pushed him forward having Joel stumble on the first step which embarrassed him immediately. There was no escaping this. Not now. Moving up the steps, Joel stopped before Negan and looked to the guitar that Negan was holding out for him.

“You’re gonna need this,” Negan held out the guitar placing it into his hands. Accepting it, Joel felt like the world was spinning around him. Up on the stage, he couldn’t really see much out into the crowd. It was a hot light that was pointed directly on him almost blinding him. Raising his hand, he tried to block it to stare out at everyone there. His eyes fell to the table where his brother and Y/N were. “Good luck buddy.”

Patting Joel on the back, Negan gave a bow and then dramatically pointed to Joel who just stood on the stage feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety. After everything, Joel gave up that hope of having a career in music. He stopped playing in front of people and he shut himself off from the world. He didn’t like being the center of attention. Not like Negan did.

Then again? This was the life he yearned for. The one he regretted never getting.

“You can’t play it by staring at it with your eyes,” someone heckled him from the crowd and it had Negan stopping before he got back to the table.

“Give him a break!” Negan demanded causing Joel to roll his eyes putting the guitar strap over his shoulder. Sitting down at the seat they had dragged up to the microphone, Joel sat down and shook his head.

“Yeah, please give me a break. Some asshole just pulled me up on stage without warning after I’ve downed about three drinks,” Joel was nervous so his words were shaken and his southern drawl was much deeper than normal. Those that didn’t like Negan clapped and others laughed at his comment. “So I’m drunk, unpracticed and frankly scared out of my fucking mind.”

“But you’re hot!” someone called out from the crowd cracking a smile over Joel’s lips with him shaking his head.

Adjusting what needed to be changed on the guitar, Joel strummed a few chords and heard himself fumbling. A few people booed and he knew that he deserved that. He had no charisma. No charm like Negan. He was only up here because Negan got him up here. Not because he deserved it. It was horrifying. It was nothing like he thought it would be. He was a mess.

“I’m sorry,” Joel went to get up when he messed up again, but the sound of something tapping on the stage was heard having him lift his head to see that Y/N had gotten up. She was right before the stage, her eyes staring up at him with hope and awe.

“You have this. I’m right here,” she encouraged him having Joel swallow down the lump that had been building in his throat. He was sweating. Bad. And he was so uncomfortable. But for her? He sat down.

The last time he played was for her. That’s when she turned him down. That stuck with him. For that night, Joel had practiced many songs. Ones that he thought would be good for her, but he had settled on the one that he did. So he started with one of those songs.

“I’m gonna go with some older songs. Something people know because I didn’t have time to plan one of my own songs,” Joel explained to them, finding his strength in the fact the only thing he could see right now was Y/N standing at the front of the stage for him.

It took a minute for him to gain the courage as he started playing a familiar tune in acoustic that he had practiced many times in the past, “And I’d give up forever to touch you. ‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now.”

It wasn’t his best. He knew that, but he was doing his hardest to keep it together right now. Lifting his head, his eyes locked on Y/N realizing that she was his steady. The thing that grounded him, so he made sure that while he played, he continuously looked to her for his comfort.

“All I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later, it’s over. I just don’t wanna miss you tonight,” Joel continued to sing feeling a sense of lightheadedness but he was trying to play through his fears. “And I don’t want the world to see me. ‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken. I just want you to know who I am.”

In her eyes, Joel saw an array of emotions. Sadness. Joy. If anything, she looked proud of him.

“And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive,” Joel continued to sing hearing the awe from some of the women in the crowd from what he was singing. He likely didn’t look like a love song kind of guy, but considering these were the last songs that he practiced, this is what they were getting.

After finishing Iris, Joel went to Make You Feel My Love. And with each song, Joel took notice of the burning over of tears in Y/N’s eyes. It only fueled him to keep him singing. Maybe to show her what she was missing. What he was capable of. Yet, when he saw the single tear sliding down the side of her face, Joel found himself locked on her. Not knowing how many songs he should play.

Next he went with Unchained Melody, then Can’t Help Falling In Love before finishing off with the song that he had sang to Y/N that night. The one he had actually chosen that he thought would be the perfect song for her.

These were all songs that he had wanted to dedicate to her the night that he had brought her to the school. By this point, the women really seemed to be the people drawn to his southern drawl with him singing and since they were all romantic songs, it was natural for them to be excited for him to sing. 

Rounding up the final song, Joel locked his eyes completely on Y/N hoping that this was doing to her what he wanted it to, “I believe and I believe ‘cause I can see. Our future days. Days of you and me. You and me. Days of you and me.”

Finishing up, Joel lowered his head and heard clapping from the audience, it was a bit of a mixed reaction and he was okay with it, “Well I think that’s enough from me tonight before the men boo me off the stage. Thanks for letting me sing here because lord fucking knows I probably won’t do it again.”

Joel stood up from the chair to clapping and he was surprised to hear it. This moment? This right here? It was his dream come true from when he was a sixteen-year-old boy longing for this moment. Taking a moment to appreciate it, he sighed and then moved down the steps. Once he reached the bottom step, Y/N eagerly wrapped her arms around him to hug him and with his free arm he loosely hooked it around her waist.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, pressing a loving kiss against Joel’s cheek. It had him closing his eyes and cherishing the moment. Leaning back, Joel realized that she was crying because of being happy along with be proud of him. “You were amazing.”

“I…” Joel thought about how much he loved her. How all of those songs were dedicated to her. He wanted to tell her that she was think that kept him on that stage. How she was his comfort. The one thing that kept him from losing it. But he knew it would mean nothing. Especially now that Negan was in her life. “Thank you.”

Giving her a wink, Joel handed her the guitar before walking away. Heading toward the door, Joel walked outside. In contrast to how he was feeling, it was nice and cold. His body was on fire and he was trying to gain back the feeling in his limbs. What he knew to be true was that he fought his way through a few panic attacks up there on stage. So his body was feeling the effects from the adrenaline rushes.

“That was amazing,” a voice called out to him and he looked back over his shoulder to see a woman approaching him. What she was wearing looked like she would be freezing because she was in a very small, tight dress that brought attention to her body. “That was your first time being on stage?”

“In almost twenty years?” Joel suggested with a scoff eyeing over the younger woman moving in beside him. Pulling something out of her purse, she revealed a pack of cigarettes. Taking one for herself, she thought for a moment and held the pack out to him. Accepting one, Joel cleared his throat and looked her over. It had been a long time since he had smoked. It used to be his way to alleviate the stresses of his life, but he had to stop when it got to be an expensive habit. “I know it was obvious that I’m not used to being in front of people. You’re just being nice.”

“You did better than half of the people they bring around here,” the bright green eyes of the woman beside him stared out at him. Getting her cigarette lit, she helped Joel light his. Once he took the first puff, it had him coughing and she laughed. Joel’s face grew red and he tried to bury his head into his arm when he continued to cough. “You don’t smoke, do you?”

“I did,” Joel confessed, embarrassed that he coughed like that. “I had to stop because…” shaking his head, Joel cleared his throat again and shrugged. “It was too expensive and it was between these or the house bills. So I had to give them up.”

“Sounds right,” she winked at Joel, leaning back against the building. Taking another puff of the cigarette, Joel held it in and remembered all over again what it was like to be addicted to these things when he was younger. It was a stress reliever for him even though he knew it wasn’t healthy. “You married?”

“No,” Joel was honest, looking her over. Really? He should have just told her to mind her own business. Have his own space to think things out, but he was honestly enjoying the attention. “Are you old enough to be married?”

“That’s funny,” the stranger pointed back toward the bar. “You have to be twenty-one to get into there. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Right,” Joel muttered, extending his free hand out to shake herd. Still, Joel knew that she was significantly younger than him. “You know my name. What’s yours?”

“Maggie. Maggie Greene,” she introduced herself, her eyes narrowing with the way that Joel was staring down at her. “Do you live in New York? You’re good looking.”

“Visiting and…thank you?” Joel snickered not sure how to respond to that. It had been a long time since he had someone flirting with him. She was quick with her questions and he felt like she was sizing him up. “You’re cute too.”

“Do you want a blow job?” she offered having Joel coughing immediately, choking on the smoke that came from the cigarette. It made her laugh at his response and she shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want one. It was just an offer.”

“I uh…” Joel didn’t know how to respond. On the one hand, she was cute. Very cute, but there was no doubt that she was much younger than him. And that was very forward for a stranger who didn’t know a thing about him. He wondered if this was what it would have been like to be that young and flirting with people. Since he got married young and it was too his high school sweetheart, he never got to experience life like that. Anyone that he hooked up with in the past was someone he knew for at least a little while. And some of the one-night stands were with people who at least had a full conversation with him. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

“Yes or no would be a good answer,” she suggested with a wrinkle of her nose, stepping in closer to Joel allowing him the chance to look down her dress that she was hoping would draw his attention. There was also a bit of a southern drawl to her voice as well. “Where are you from?”

“Texas,” Joel answered, licking his lips knowing that it was inappropriate for him to be gawking, but he still found himself doing it.

“Georgia,” she pointed at her chest having Joel nod once. “New Yorkers don’t do it like southern men. And any southerner up here, doesn’t look like you. I would happily take you into the alley and suck your cock. Let you fuck me…”

“Goddamn. You’re forward,” Joel was surprised by the way she was throwing herself at him. While he was amused and slightly attracted to this woman, it wasn’t the most comforting thought. He wondered how many men she had done this with before previously. Which made him feel immediately old. The younger version of him would have probably loved this, but now that he was older he was considering just how healthy she might be. And how it might be dangerous to do something like that.

“Do you hate it?” Maggie wondered having Joel tip his head from side to side.

“No,” Joel thought aloud, his face flushing over with heat again. Even though he highly doubted that he would do something with her, it felt nice to have someone that looked like her wanting to hook up with him. “It’s flattering.”

“I aim to please,” she fluttered her long eyelashes at him and it had Joel in deep debate. There was the logical side of him that knew it was stupid. But then there was also the emotional side that didn’t think a blowjob would really be that bad. But, then again, he was in a depressed state after everything that happened today. “The offer is still on the table.”

“There you are!” a boisterous voice had Joel breaking his eyes away from Maggie to lift his head up to see Negan approaching him. As soon as Maggie saw Negan, her body seemed to tense up and she stood up straighter beside Joel. Cussing under his breath, Joel knew that Maggie was in awe of seeing Negan up close. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you buddy! You did fucking amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m talking to someone,” Joel pointed in the direction of Maggie who gave Negan a nod when he looked to her.

“Hey,” Negan winked with a friendly smile and then gave Joel his full attention again. By Negan’s reaction to her, it was obvious that Negan had zero interest in being near the woman. Hooking his arm around Joel’s shoulders, Negan turned just enough so that Maggie was pushed out of their interaction. With the expression over Maggie’s face, Joel knew that she had taken the hint that Negan didn’t want her there. By the look in her eyes, Joel knew that she was offended. “And now you’re talking to me.”

“It was nice meeting you,” Maggie stammered with a half wave, dropping her cigarette and stepping it out. Watching her walk away drew Joel to grunt and he walked over toward the alley having Negan following him.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Joel pointed in the direction that Maggie had walked off. Negan’s thick eyebrows bounced and he laughed. “She was just trying to be nice.”

“She was a gutter slut,” Negan blurt out, getting a glare from Joel who was surprised to hear that. “You think this is my first rodeo with people like her? Girls like that try to hook up with up-and-coming stars. Either to brag or hold some kind of thing over that person’s head when they get famous. Whether it’s at a place like this or at baseball games. They used to always try to follow us to our hotels. Get some kind of fame by fucking people. They are so entirely easy to read.”

“And that’s why she came over to me?” Joel confirmed with Negan who dramatically nodded. “I’m a no one.”

“You’re hot, you’re talented, you’re my friend and you were the best act of the night,” Negan listed off, using his fingers to show that Joel had many reasons for that girl to come out and flirt with him. “She wasn’t worth your time Joel.”

Debating that, Joel knew deep down that Negan was right, but he still was annoyed that Negan chased her off like he did.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Negan commented, his head tipping to the side when he saw that Joel took a long puff of it. Handing it to Negan, Negan accepted it and did the same before handing it back to Joel.

“I quit when Ellie was three,” Joel informed Negan with a hiss, tossing what was left of it across from him. Resting back against the wall, Joel tipped his head back and felt a rush flooding throughout his veins. “You had no right to do what you did tonight. You realize that, right?”

“Come again?” Negan snorted, hissing when he released the smoke from his lungs looking at Joel with surprise behind his hazel eyes. “I did this for you. I planned it once you told me that you were coming along. I knew that the apartment was by this place and I remember you talking about it all the time when we were young.”

“Oh fuck off Negan,” Joel snarled rolling his eyes with the way that Negan was talking. “Do you get off to the idea of torturing me? You are the most manipulative piece of shit I’ve ever known.”

“Did I miss something?” Negan wondered, pointing between the two of them, looking to make sure that they were alone. Because right now he was confused as to what was happening. “What’s going on here Joel?”

“What’s with this whole I’m going to be incredibly nice to Joel thing? You know I’m the last person you should be nice to,” Joel scoffed, his dark eyes narrowing with the way that Negan’s shoulders slumped forward. And there it was. Bringing up the past again after everything seemed to be going right. “After what I did to you, this is all too fucking much.”

“I got over it,” Negan breathed out, pushing his hands into his pockets with the chill that was surrounding them. “Life happened Joel. I was mad for a while, but I’m an adult. It’s been a long time. I don’t care about what happened in the past.”

“You’re so full of shit. I think you’re enjoying this,” Joel claimed with a firm nod of his head. All he could think about was his interaction with Y/N when they were ice skating. There had been a large amount of anger that was building up since then. “You’re throwing in my face how much better you are than me. With my children. With my wife. With everything. You’re perfect. Everyone loves you. I think you want to torture me.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m torturing you,” Negan almost mocked Joel, bobbing his head back and forth with Joel’s stare growing angrier. “I just got you up on that stage. I let you live one of your biggest dreams growing up. I bargained with the owner to get you up there because…”

“I wanted to do it on my own. Not because someone helped me, but because I deserved to be up there. Because I was talented,” Joel corrected Negan, his jaw flexing in anger the more he spoke. “Instead I was handed it. When I didn’t deserve it at all.”

“What makes you think you don’t deserve it?” Negan wondered, trying to understand where all of this was coming from. “You gave up your life for your little brother. You could have been where I am right now if you weren’t selfless and…”

“But I’m not there Negan. You’re the only one of the three of us that got away. You’re the only one that got to live your fucking dream. And you are so happy to throw it in our faces all the fucking time that you’re famous and you have money,” Joel bickered back, throwing his hands up in the air while he spoke. “My family begged me to take them to New York. But I couldn’t do it. In comes Negan on his white horse bringing them in the first few weeks of meeting them. You are infuriating.”

“Listen, okay? You’re just amped up. The adrenaline is flowing through your veins, but what you just did was incredible,” Negan stepped forward in attempts to support his friend, caressing over his shoulders supportively. “Mixed with alcohol, sometimes we think a little differently. And I understand that. Soon, the endorphins are gonna kick in and you’ll see this is actually…”

“Fuck off Negan,” Joel firmly shoved into Negan’s chest having him stumble over his feet backwards tripping over some of the garbage cans that were out. Hitting the ground hard, Negan groaned out and Joel shook his head. “Just because you sucked my dick this morning doesn’t mean we’re okay. It doesn’t mean I trust you and it doesn’t make us best buds again.”

“Is that what this is about?” Negan hissed out, pushing himself up on his hands. “You beg me to suck your dick and suddenly you are freaking the fuck out?”

“Shut up,” Joel warned Negan who shakily pushed himself up to his feet. “I didn’t beg you to do shit. You wanted to do that. You play mind games with people. It’s what you do. You’re a fucking asshole. You know it. I know it. It’s been your talent since we were younger. You always knew how to get what you wanted. You really are the most manipulative piece of shit I’ve ever known.”

“You’re freaking out because you’re attracted to me,” Negan suggested with a scoff shaking his head. “I know you’re all I’m from Texas. I’m an alpha male. I can’t like fucking guys because I’m straight as can be. I’m a fucking cowboy. But guess what Joel? It’s okay to like dick sometimes. Yeah, I sucked your dick. And you came so fucking hard down my throat that you let the whole apartment know just how good it felt. If that embarrasses…”

Wincing out, Negan felt Joel grabbing him by his shirt to spin him and slam him hard against the wall, “Why are you so fucking miserable? I went out of my way to help you tonight. I’ve done nothing but be nice to you. The fuck else can I do?”

“You just think that you can butter me up in order to steal my family. In order to steal my girl,” Joel pronounced each word with venom, his heart hammering in his chest uncontrollably.

“I would never steal your family. They love you. You’re their father and they will always love you,” Negan declared with a shake of his head only to have Joel push him further against the wall. “As far as stealing your girl? I wouldn’t call it that since she wasn’t yours anymore.”

Shoving him hard with his left hand, Joel raised his right fist to attack Negan, but Negan didn’t budge, “You wanna hit me Joel? Fucking hit me. But I don’t have any ulterior motives with you. Maybe I just want to be fucking nice.”

“When has being nice ever gotten you what you wanted?” Joel scoffed at Negan, his eyes narrowing with Joel shrugging his shoulders. “You’re a piece of shit. We both know it.”

“Of course I am,” Negan finally snapped at Joel, the lines in his forehead growing. How loud Negan was actually surprised Joel. It had Joel’s brown eyes growing big, his breathing becoming more broken. “I know what a piece of shit I am. I’m fucking scum. The worst kind of scum and I realize I don’t deserve the shit that’s in my life. I never deserved this. You know what my father did to me growing up and he was right about me the whole time. You know it. I know it.”

“Your father abused you,” Joel lowered his fist hearing Negan’s breathing uneven. Negan’s eyes were tearing over with the emotions that he was visibly feeling from their discussion. “Why you would believe a word that came out of that man’s mouth…”

“But he wasn’t wrong,” Negan stammered with a firm shake of his head. “I was everything he said I was. Useless. Pathetic. Incapable of being anything other than a fucking failure.”

“You have everything,” Joel responded with a wrinkle of his nose, releasing Negan. Hearing Negan call himself a failure when so many people looked up to him in this world was crazy to Joel. “How are you a failure?”

“I lost the one thing in my life that fucking mattered,” Negan confessed, a shuddering breath falling from his lips when he thought about his past. “Everything I touched turned to gold once I left. Except my marriage. The one person who stuck with me throughout everything. We tried to have children. We couldn’t. I was an asshole. The biggest piece of shit out there. But I loved Lucille. And she loved me. And what did I get? I lost her. I lost my wife Joel. Does that really sound like having everything?”

Silence. That’s all that followed because Joel couldn’t exactly have a comeback with that one.

“You had everything I wanted,” Negan stressed with a broken sound. “A family. Children. The perfect wife. And you let her go. In my eyes, your life was perfect. In your eyes, my life was perfect. When in reality? We were both so fucking stupid.”

Curling his fists up into balls, Joel didn’t know how to respond to all of this especially since a part of him wanted to beat the hell out of Negan, “I’m not doing everything I am because I want to rub my life in your face. I’m not doing it to hurt you.”

“Then why are you doing it?” Joel questioned, his chest rising and falling heavily.

“Because for once in my fucking life, I want to do something good. I want to use my power to make people happy,” Negan reasoned with Joel, tossing his hands up in the air in an emotional moment. “When Lucille died, she begged me to promise her that I would live life for her. And I did.”

Negan’s bottom lip trembled when he thought about his late wife, “I’m sick of being a selfish bastard. This money? It means nothing to me. So if I can use it to help people. To bring joy to someone’s life, why shouldn’t I do it?

A rush of guilt flooded through Joel’s veins. In that moment? He believed what Negan was saying and it made him feel bad.

“But why me?” Joel couldn’t understand why he was even an option here.

“Is it so hard to believe that I fucking like you? That I missed you,” Negan wondered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “The two of us were best friends and we were separated from a fucked up situation. But the only people to truly even know me were Lucille, Tommy, Y/N and you. You were the only people that cared when no one else did. I’m doing this because I want to do this for you. I want you to be fucking happy Joel. I want you to have the things you long for. Because I care about you.”

Silence fell over them. Both of their breathing was labored when Joel stepped back and away from Negan. Looking down toward the ground, the lines in Joel’s forehead grew deeper. Stepping forward, Joel reached for Negan’s shirt again, balling up the material to pull Negan close. Instead this time, Joel pressed in close to Negan. Resting his forehead against Negan’s, Joel’s eyes came to a tight close. The warmth of Negan’s breath was over his lips. Faintly his lips brushed at Negan’s and he didn’t know what he was doing. This was all so confusing for him.

With a shuddering breath, Joel stumbled back when he heard the sound of footsteps rounding the corner and he tried to move away from Negan.

“I’ve been looking for you two everywhere,” Tommy’s voice drew their attention making both Joel and Negan look to him. Even though something was just happening between the two of them, it didn’t seem like Tommy picked up on it. “I bought drinks for everyone to celebrate. We’ve been looking for you guys. I didn’t expect to find you out here.”

“He just needed some air,” Negan lied, stepping around Joel in order to head back toward the bar. “I’ll be inside.”

“You okay?” Tommy inquired once Negan was gone leaving Joel alone with his little brother. “You should be on cloud-nine right now because that was awesome. Beter than I could have ever pictured it going. You had everyone eating out of the palm of your hand. It’s what you always wanted.”

Tommy was right. That was what he always wanted. And it was hard for him to truly see that, but after everything. Joel didn’t know how to feel. 

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[leighsartworks216]

Knitting Hands

Zayne x gn!Reader

Sometimes you be knitting when you have chronic joint pain and wish a certain doctor was there to help soothe the ache

Warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, established relationship, knitting

Word Count: 821

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The metal needles click quietly against each other. Gentle scrapes as you draw the needle through the stitches. Alongside it is the occasional turn of a page. The soft thwip, the whisper of fingers sliding along the page, the transfer from one side to the next.

The silence should be suffocating. It should be unbearable. There was a time when it used to be. Back then, neither of you really knew how to handle the silence, assuming your own expectations from past relationships or the advice of others (friends, colleagues, and movie characters alike).

Now, it's welcoming. It's warm.

When your thoughts slow and the world comes back into focus, you can rely on the slow inhale and exhale of Zayne's breath. You can look over and see him reading. It’s a book you recommended to him after relentlessly teasing him about needing to branch out from medical texts. Sometimes, he'll even look up at you, too, with a grin reserved only for you.

Your world is brought back into focus now by the strain on your hands and fingers. You slot the right needle into a stitch on the left, wrap the yarn around it, and hook it on, dropping the old stitch. Repeat verbatim until you reach the desired length.

It's not a difficult project - a simple scarf, built with rows and rows of knit stitches that fade between different shades of blue. The only issue is the size of the needles you work with. They're smaller than you're used to, requiring more precision than your normal set. But this yarn was just too pretty to pass up, you simply had to use it.

The clicking of the needles gets slower, but more forceful, as you get through this row and to the end. Your left hand is beginning to severely cramp by the time you transfer the last stitch over. It creaks and tenses as you place silicone stoppers onto the ends of the needles to keep the project from slipping off.

Similarly, Zayne slots a bookmark neatly into his novel and sets it aside. He takes one of your hands in his before you can even set your needles down in your lap, massaging the sore tendons and muscles with practiced fingers.

You lean your head on his shoulder, watching as his thumbs press into your palm.

"You should take more breaks," he says, speaking low to avoid breaking the atmosphere. He rubs along the sections of your fingers, easing out the lingering tension there. "It won't all unravel if you take a second to rest."

You let out a pleased hum. The soft knit of his sweater caresses your cheek as you nuzzle further into him, closing your eyes and basking in his care. "And what if it does?"

He sets the first hand down and lifts the other. He goes through the same movements as before. "Then you can make it all over again, with well-rested hands."

Since when were you this tired? It seems like the longer you stay there, resting against Zayne, the heavier your eyes become and the foggier your brain gets. You stifle a yawn. "How's the book?"

"I like it," he answers. He kisses your head knowingly, setting this hand back in your lap. He doesn't pull away, and you twine your fingers together in your lap. He draws them closer to his leg. "The main character acts a lot like me, doesn't he?"

"Ah, you noticed?"

"Is that why you recommended it?"

You shake your head lazily against him. "No, I thought you'd like the plot." Your words are beginning to slur together.

He hums thoughtfully as he rests his cheek on your head. Your mind feels as though it is floating on water. Bobbing in the waves, lost to the rest of the world.

"We should get you to bed," he suggests, "before you fall asleep here."

You rub mindlessly at the ring on his finger. "If I did, you'd carry me anyway."

"Mhm. Is that what you want?"

"Hm?"

"For me to carry you?" Zayne smiles to himself. There is a special kind of sweetness in watching his beloved fall asleep. The way your brain slows down, uncomprehending, as you give in. The fight you put up trying to speak until the very end, until you can't anymore. The way your body unconsciously clings to him, ever pulling him closer. It's an honor, truly.

"Hmmm, maybe."

He kisses your head, almost as though apologizing for having to let go of your hands. You let him go. You sit back up, sort of, and let your hands sit limply in your lap. The couch shifts as he sits forward and moves your knitting project aside. He makes sure the silicone stoppers are on there well, ensuring it won't all unravel in the night.

He's pretty sure you're fast asleep when he stands and lifts you in his arms.

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @deepzombieyouth @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko

[strawberry-seal77]

hiiii hollowknight fandom!! Hornet is my favorite character :3

As always, more thoughts under the cut.

Time Spent: ~2.8 hours

Ive started playing Hollow Knight recently, woohoo!! In terms of progression, I've just gotten the dream nail. It's super fun to play, though bosses are kinda scary (and sometimes frustrating ! the lack of benches in that purple gemstone area... ough..). Overall awesome :3

I LOVED everything with Hornet !! Her running and looming, plus the little quips of voice! Yayayayy!!!! The boss fight was very fun and It was cool to see her using tricks from the bugs of greenpath. Does she hang out there often?

In terms of art, this functioned mainly as a practice in composition and rendering!!! I'm currently taking a drawing class, but it's very beginner so it's mostly a reminder of the basics (though that's always welcome!). My main focus right now is to learn about light and shadow, and how color plays into that.

If you zoom into the heads of hornet and ghost, you'll see lots of colors around!!

Not only darker and lighter colors, but different hues too! The white would reflect LOTS of the area around em, which is QUITE grue. >:3c

Hornet's needle(?) should be longer if it were game-accurate, but I chesed it a little to get the right feel.

Also, she's underlit to be intimidating! teeheeee

OH! And here's the sketch!!

I think the final piece looks better, which is an absolute WIN for me!!!

There's also a normal and sane amount of layers, yippee!!! I used a method that started with broad strokes, then alternated between color correction and paintover for tweaks.

[cripplecharacters]

Alright, I'm just gonna bite the bullet. Worst that can happen is I make a fool of myself. I've been working on superhero stories, versions of the same universe since I was in 8th grade and what I want more than anything is to modernize superheroes, create a world where they act for all people's social good and take representation to the highest level I can think of. From your position of expertise, what can I do with the creation of disabled characters that would buck the trend, do some good, and show a good side. The non-prosthetic and non-corrected for disability rep in the genre is basically nil, I have no ideas and nothing to draw on. I guess I just wanna know what disabled audiences might like to see for once in their lives.

Hello!

Disabled superheroes are awesome. There's really few of them but the ones that we do have are often really important to us - you can look at the reactions to Sun-Spider being first introduced to the Spiderverse, back then I couldn't open my fridge without seeing that one panel where she explicitly says she has hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos.

Here are a few suggestions of what I'd like to see in the superhero genre:

Superheroes with facial differences. Comics love to use us for their ugly disfigured evil villains but not much else unfortunately. I'd kill for a superman type hero who saves people with a smile and a facial difference on his face. Especially for superhero stories that are geared towards kids and teens, we just desperately need something to help with shifting the public perception of people with facial differences from "evil and ugly" to "people that can be awesome". A hero with burn scars, with Treacher Collins syndrome, Bell's palsy, neurofibromatosis... anything.

Superheroes who use disability aids (and still need them when doing their job). Sun-Spider is an awesome example, she swings from her crutches and has a spider wheelchair. That's cool as hell. But even a less in-your-face aid would be great. A superhero flying above the city with her ankle-foot orthoses visible would go really hard. Also, superheroes who are concerned on how much these things cost and try their best to make sure they're still functional while they save the city.

Heroes with different causes of their disabilities. The vast majority of morally good disabled characters were involved in An Accident or some sort of Attack that disabled them. That's not bad or wrong at all, but I think in media is kind of oversaturated with this specific portrayal when a lot of people have progressive or congenital conditions. We need more stories that show those who were born disabled as heroes equal to those who were born abled and spent most of their lives abled. Superheroes with cerebral palsy, chromosomal disorders, congenital rubella, achondroplasia, all the disabilities that tend to get ignored despite so many people having them. Same for really common chronic illnesses, diabetes or COPD are criminally underrepresented.

Disabled superheroes that aren't saints because of their disability. This is the whole "disabled person can do no wrong" trope that appears sometimes. I'm mentioning it since superheroes are more "perfect" than most characters in other genres, so try to not make it so the disabled ones can do no wrong. Disabled people can still make mistakes that are their fault, make poor decisions, or just simply be angry sometimes.

When there's no active superhero action going on, show the normal human parts of the disabled experience. Depending on the demographic you're writing for it would be different things, but there are some fairly universal concepts like inaccessibility, microaggressions, or just boring things like the prosthetic leg no longer fitting well after the character gained some weight. If your characters are from the US, don't be afraid to mention that their insulin costs are barely affordable with their superhero pay. Show how the common everyday kind of ableism affect them when they're in civilian mode. This will make it much more authentic to disabled readers.

These are my suggestions, and I hope they are helpful. My last advice is to have multiple disabled characters, and in different roles. Maybe a character with ALS can no longer do superhero fighting, but he can still be a wonderful parent. Maybe the character with Usher syndrome is more interested in the hero than being a hero themselves (disabled heroes in relationships!). Maybe the character with phocomelia can't be a hero yet because she's six, but she can train hard to be one when she's older. Keep it varied, have them come from different life situations and have different goals just like abled characters do.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[karoochui]

What im hearing is:

Little crow feet outside my window bcs im feeding them- that’s besides the point!

Is there magic??? His shovel looks magic and they look magic

And do give me every detail you are thinking of for the series even if its in the distant future or not that relevant but you want to share

Crows!! Cute!! Also sorry i didnt get to this sooner my laptop BROKE (still broken but usable) and my mom and i have been looking for someone to fix it. Ive been drawing with it sparingly to be careful.

YES there is magic. Of course im still working on this storywise but im getting characters designs n whatnot done right now. Dynamics n stuff. BUT i do have some refs i made before my laptop broke.

I like to draw out certain stuff so that it helps with descriptions in the future; i have the worst memory so it helps to be able to do so. (More beneath cut)

Im so excited for moon's shadow form. Oh my god. Its probably my favorite thing right now.

Fun thing about it is that in this form he can touch you but you cant touch him. Something something you can be cast in shadow but you cant take it off yk? He's still light sensitive like this though, so if the area hes in isn't dark enough or he's hit with anything too bright he just reverts back. At that point he'd just have to rely on normal hand to hand stuff and his sand lol. The shadow form is just better for sneaking and speed. Really, he's some amalgamative idea of the sandman and boogieman. I thought it fit well with his whole "naptime attendant gone wrong" thing.

Sun's design, however, is more like if you mixed a cowboy, wizard, and gravedigger together. I made it a while ago on a whim with no intention behind it but then i ended up thinking "ykw would be so awesome".

The hat dips to cover the crescent side of his face (not intentional on his part) to symbolize his resentment towards moon and how he basically damned him to an hourglass. His eyes are easier to see bc of this which could seem more trusting (eyes are the window to the soul or whatever), but the thing is thats not normal for him (as we know) so it's meant to make him look suspicious and looming to 4th wall viewers. There's also the fact that i just thought it was cool too.

He also doesn't get a second form. Moon's sneaky and weird so i thought it would fit to give him some freaky thing iykwim. Sun, however, is a pretty "in your face" kinda guy, so his look and fight style is more extravagant and boisterous. Lots of swinging amd yelling and boom bang zap! Despite the showiness he's actually a longer range fighter. Mainly because unlike moon, thousands of years ago, he wasn't often one to get violent with his hands. His weapon is just obnoxiously large too though.

They are still one animatronic and their transformation is still triggered by light. Instead of an AI chip though (which is still in there but long dead), they live through the work of a soul. They're still physically inorganic but as far as spiritually they're as close as they're gonna get to being human. Their life and functionailty is derived from the magic itself, not the machinery. Like if for some reason they lost all their magic they'd just drop dead from a battery life long since drained.

The hourglass has a carousel-like design to it purely as reference to moon's level in Help Wanted 2.

Sorry for rambling so much but this is what i've got for you so far! I have a general idea for the plot but im tryna to make it more than what it is rn, so i dont wanna share too much of that just yet in case i change or completely toss away an idea.