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voltrontranscript · 16 days ago

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VLDS7E4: The Feud!

Season 7 Episode 4: The Feud!

Transcript by @lasersheith

Summary: The Paladins somehow become contestants on the game show Garfle Warfle Snick, but they're playing for much more than cash and prizes.

[Google Doc]

[Scene opens on the set of a gameshow]

Announcer: Hello and welcome to another exciting episode of the craziest game in the galaxy: Garfle Warfle Snick.

[Audience cheers]

Announcer: And now here’s the host of Garfle Warfle Snick… Bob!

Bob: Thank you, Norlox. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another exciting edition of Garfle Warfle Snick, the game where anything you garfle will be warfled, and vice versa. I’m Bob. Now let’s meet the intergalactic goofballs we’ve got playing with us today.

[Allura, Hunk, Lance, Pidge, and Keith all rise up from the floor, to stand behind podiums.]

Allura: What is this place?

Hunk: Looks like some kind of game show.

Keith: What’s happening?

Pidge: I don’t know. The last thing I remember, we were all flying in our lions.

Bob: [holds microphone in front of Keith] Hi, there. Tell us your name and where you’re from.

Keith: Wh-what is this?

Bob: Uh-oh. Looks like somebody wasn’t listening to Norlox.

[audience laughs]

[Announcer/Norlox shrugs and makes a dismissive noise]

Bob: Tell him what this is, everybody.

Audience: Garfle Warfle Snick!

Bob: That’s right! The name of the game is Garfle Warfle Snick. Now tell us your name, son.

Keith: My name is Keith. How did we get here?

Bob: I’ll tell you how Norlox got to be on the show. [In a stage whisper] His uncle owns the studio.

[Audience and Bob laugh. Norlox looks unamused.]

Bob: Alright, Keith. Why don’t you introduce us to the rest of your team?

Keith: W-We’re the Paladins of Voltron. This is Allura, Hunk, Lance, Pidge. But you haven’t answered my question. How did we get here?

Bob: I hope not the same way I got here. A moofglider was jackknifed on the Haldar Expressway and it took forever to get past it.

[audience chuckles]

Bob: I still smell like moof.

Audience: [laughing] Ew!

Bob: Okay, Keith, I’m sure you know how to play our game. All you’ve gotta do is accumulate quaz-cenbullion credits, and you win. Of course, if you don’t, you’ll hear this sound. [sad trombone playing]

Audience: Awww.

Bob: And that means you’re trapped here in our studio for the rest of eternity.

Hunk: Wait, what?

Pidge: Did you say we’ll be trapped here for the rest of eternity?

Bob: Uh-oh. Is there an echo in here? [quieter] Echo in here?

[audience chuckles]

Keith: I don’t know who you are or what’s going on, but we’re getting out of here.

Bob: [chuckling] Oh, I don’t think so.

[Bob snaps his fingers and the Paladins’ feet glow, revealing they are now stuck to the floor. The Paladins all grunt and unsuccessfully attempt to pull their feet out of the restraints.]

Lance: My feet are stuck!

Pidge: Mine too!

Bob: See, all of you are guests on my show [voice distorts sinisterly] and you will play my game as long as I want you to. [normal voice] Understand?

[Audience chuckles]

[All Paladins except Keith nod vigorously]

Bob: Great! Let’s start with our first warfler. Tell us what it is, Norlox.

Norlox: The first warfler is… Pictation!

[Audience cheers]

[A screen descends from the ceiling, Keith is flown up to the front of the studio towards the screen by his foot restraints]

Bob: Come on over here, Keith. Pictation, the drawing game.

[A podium rises from the floor and Bob spins Keith, landing him behind the podium.]

Bob: Now, Keith, the answers will pop up on your screen where your team can’t see them. It’s up to you to draw the people and places you’ve seen [a pencil appears in Keith’s hand] during your adventures as a Paladin of Voltron while your team tries to guess the answers.

[Pans to other Paladins looking very skeptical]

Bob: Are you a good artist, Keith?

Keith: I, uh…

Bob: Well I hope you’re a better drawer than a talker, huh?

[Smoke flashes briefly on Keith’s head to reveal Keith’s hair is tied in a very high, short ponytail and he has a pacifier in his mouth. A baby giggles.]

[Audience laughs]

Bob: Let’s put blazzle hoochas on the board! And… go!

[Keith begins to draw. A robotic voice says “The answer is Arusian.” displays beep and a clock ticks down]

Hunk: It’s a rock! Balmera!

Pidge: Olkari cube!

Lance: It’s a chicken!

Pidge: When did we see a chicken in outer space?

Lance: I don’t know! It’s not my fault Keith can’t draw.

[Keith continues drawing]

Lance: Rooster! A chicken hawk. A chicken with a beard!

Allura: It’s an Arusian!

Bob: Correct!

[Displays light up and ping in celebration. The audience cheers.]

[Keith begins another drawing. The robotic voice says “The answer is Blade of Marmora.” displays beep and a clock ticks down]

Lance: What is that, chopsticks?

Hunk: It’s something from space, Lance.

Lance: Space chopsticks?

[Keith crushes the pencil in his fist in frustration]

Pidge: It’s a knife. Sword? Oh, oh! Oh! Blade of Marmora!

Bob: Right again!

[More celebratory pings]

[The robotic voice says “The answer is Red Lion.” A new pencil pops into Keith’s hand in a small cloud of smoke. He begins to draw. Displays beep and a clock ticks down]

Lance: Dog! It’s a dog!

Hunk: It’s a lion.

[Keith nods emphatically and makes a circular motion with his arm to indicate Hunk should continue]

Hunk: Uh… Black Lion, Blue Lion, Yellow Lion, Red Lion.

[celebratory pings]

Bob: Red Lion is right!

Hunk: Yeah!

Allura: Way to go, Hunk!

[The robotic voice says “The answer is Haggar.” Keith begins to draw. Displays beep and a clock ticks down]

Lance: Pepperoni! An alligator! A cave, a windy cave! Oh no, no, no. What is that thing called? It’s a.. a thermos!

Allura: [growling in frustration, slams her hands on her podium] Lance, would you stop talking!?

[timer buzzes]

Bob: Oh! Time’s up.

Audience: [sadly] Aww.

Lance: What! No way that was blazzle hoochas.

Bob: Looks like our other team is gonna have the opportunity to steal.

Hunk: What other team?

[Bob gestures to the other side of the studio. 5 new podiums are present. Cardboard cutouts of Zarkon, Haggar, Lotor, and a small Galra appear and then in a puff of smoke take on life-like forms.]

Lance: Zarkon? No way!

Hunk: This can’t be happening.

Bob: Hello, there!

Zarkon: Hello, Bob.

Bob: Why don’t you introduce yourself to the audience and tell us who these wonderful people are with you?

Zarkon: I’m Zarkon. This is my lovely wife, Haggar.

Haggar: Hello.

Bob: Hubba hubba.

[audience laughs]

Zarkon: My son, Lotor [Lotor turns his head and grunts petulantly], and one of my insignificant underlings, Morvok.

Morvok: I am such a big fan of the show. I can’t believe we’re here!

Bob: Well, welcome welcome. It’s good to have you all on with us, especially this lovely. [Bob approaches Haggar] Hmm? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[audience makes various whooping approval noises]

Zarkon: [chuckling] Watch it, now.

Bob: All right, Zarkon. Have you been watching backstage?

Zarkon: Yes, I have.

Bob: The Paladins of Voltron have scored three correct answers, but now you and your team have the opportunity to steal all of their points if you can correctly identify what ol’ Keith was doodling on there.

Zarkon: [chuckling] Well, I’d rather steal their Lions than their points.

Bob: [stage whispering] Yeah, I bet you would.

[Audience laughs]

[Screen and laughter distort for a moment before returning to normal]

Hunk: Uh, why are they acting like that?

Allura: It doesn’t matter. There’s no way we’re going to lose to the Galra.

Zarkon: [chuckles] But seriously, I think I can guess this. [puts his hand on Haggar’s shoulder] You might not like the answer.

Bob: Uh-oh. Don’t wanna stir up any trouble with the missus.

[Audience laughs]

Zarkon: She doesn’t look like that drawing, but I’m pretty sure the answer he was going for was…

Bob: Fingers crossed [displays ding]

Zarkon: Is it Haggar?

Bob: That is correct! [displays ding in celebration] The answer is Haggar!

[audience cheers]

Lotor: [pumping his fists in celebration] Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

[Morvok grunts and cheers]

Hunk: This is really bizarre.

Keith: [exasperated] Windy cave?

Lance: Hey! I’m not a mind reader.

[audience laughs]

Bob: So, Zarkon, you have garfled the first warfler. That puts you in control of the board. Do you wanna play or pass?

Lotor: Play! I spent centuries perfecting my exquisite, lifelike renderings. Not that you cared.

Haggar: I treasure your art. [moves to place her hand on Lotor’s arm]

Lotor: Don’t touch me, you filthy, filthy hag! [he jerks his arm away]

[audience chuckles]

Zarkon: Don’t speak to her that way, you insolent whelp!

Audience [softly]: Ooh…

[Lotor growls and smacks Morvok upside the head]

Morvok: Ow! I didn’t do nothing!

[Audience laughs and cheers]

Bob: Family, am I right?

[Audience laughs]

Zarkon: They are quite a handful.

[Audience laughter quiets]

Bob: So, what’s it gonna be, Z?

Zarkon: Well, I’ve always said that the best offense is a good defense.

Bob: Sounds like you’re gonna pass.

Zarkon: I am. And I think I’d also like to play this. [Zarkon holds up a card]

Audience: Ooh!

Bob: Uh-oh!

[A large version of the card pops onto the screen and enlarges]

Bob: The solo card! That means one of these Paladins is gonna have to take the next warfler alone. The question is, Zarkon, which one is it gonna be?

Zarkon: Well, I think there’s really no choice here. I’m going with the dumb one!

[Zarkon points and the camera zooms in on Lance’s slack face. A graphic of a ball swings in and strikes Lance’s head, squeaking and clanging. Bob laughs.]

Lance: Who’s he talking about?

[Audience laughs]

Bob: It’s time for a word from our sponsors. But when we get back, Lance will be starting the next warfler all by his lonesome. Stick around.

[Audience cheers]

Lance: Wait, I’m the dumb one?

Norlox: Garfle Warfle Snick is sponsored by…

[scene changes to the tacky Earth shop from Season Two Episode Seven “Space Mall.” A gray, large-eyed alien wearing an Area 51 hat enters the scene.]

Alien: Come on down to It’s Earth for the craziest Earth deals in the galaxy! [a CD in a clear clamshell case pops on screen] We’ve got throwing discs with cases. [price beeps in corner] Twenty GAC, or six for a hundred. [cash register noise] [A toilet appears on screen] We’ve got a luxury seat that doubles as a water fountain. [water burbles] That’s two-in-one for one low price: fifteen hundred GAC. Yggiz aliens would say, “I’m snarloft in the cranker!” And they’re right! [A broom is displayed] We’ve got a foot scraper. Forty-nine GAC. [Vacuum is displayed] A skin sucker for your foot scrapings. Fifty-seven GAC. [Box for Mercury Gameflux II video game system appears] The arcade three thousand exercise machine. Twenty-five hundred GAC. And don’t forget, each purchase comes with a free Kaltenecker. [A cow slides onto the screen. Cash register clinks] That’s right, we’re out of our crankers! [Cow moos]

Norlox: And now back to Garfle Warfle Snick.

[Audience claps]

Bob: Right before the break, Zarkon’s team decided to make one of the Paladins of Voltron play solo the next round, and the Paladin he chose was the dumb one, Lance.

[Audience laughs]

Bob: Hey, Lance, how’s it going?

Lance: Well, you know what, I’m not too happy about being referred to as “the dumb one,” like, eighteen times.

[Audience laughs]

Bob: Oh, it was only about four times, you big dum-dum.

[Audience laughs. Sad trombone plays]

Bob: But now you’ve got a chance to change all that and show everyone how smart you really are. Are you ready for that?

Lance: Absolutely.

Bob: Okay! Let’s give Lance a big round of applause! He is a great sport.

[Audience cheers and claps]

Bob: Norlox, tell Lance what the next warfler is.

[dramatic drum roll]

Norlox: The next warfler is Faces From the Past!

[audience claps]

Bob: Ah, a little walk down memory lane. Lance, you know how this game goes, am I right?

Lance: Uh, yeah! T-totally.

Bob: [grunts and gets very close to Lance’s face] What do you think, audience? Do we believe this beautiful dum-dum?

Audience: [laughing] No!

Bob: I know you’re telling the truth, Lance, but just for the folks at home, let’s run through the rules real quick. Now, you’re gonna see pictures of some of the folks you’ve met on your adventures around the galaxy. All you have to do is tell us their names. I’ll give you a goolian credits for each one you name correctly, adding to the points you’ll need to earn your freedom. How does that sound?

Lance: Sounds like we’re going to be getting back to Voltron pretty soon.

[Audience cheers]

Bob: That’s the spirit! But, just to make sure you don’t get any help from your friends, let’s lower the isolation shield.

[A clear tube falls down from the ceiling and surrounds Lance. The camera zooms out to reveal what looks like a green tube with teeth at the very top of the clear tube]

Bob: Perfect. Now let’s see our first mystery face from the past.

[monitor beeps and the display shifts between characters. It slows briefly on Kolivan before changing one more time and landing on a masked Blade of Marmora member]

Lance: Easy! That’s Koli-- what? Who’s that?

Bob: He’s an important figure. [screen pans to Keith, pointing at his Marmora knife] Someone who helped you in your fight against Zarkon.

Lance: Hmm… Keith keeps pointing at his blade, so…

Bob: Oh, that’s a pretty big clue. Have you got a guess?

[a clock ticks down]

Lance: Blade… y? Bladey?

[Buzzer blares. Sad trombone plays. Hunk groans and slides down below his podium. The rest of the Paladins make various distressed faces and sounds]

Bob: Oh! The answer is Antok.

Zarkon: Yes!

[Lotor and Morvok high five]

Lance: Oh, yeah, that guy.

Bob: Kolivan’s right-hand man who fought valiantly for the good of the universe. This next one is a little more personal. I think you’ll remember this gal.

[Display beeps and almost stops on one character before landing on another.]

Lance: Ooh! Her? Yeah, that’s Plax-- her?

[Audience laughs]

Lance: Uh, she was the serious one?

Bob: That’s right! What was her name?

Lance: Uh… oh! Hold on. Okay, I know this. She was the one who measured my head for the jellyfish hat. She rode on a giant manta ray.

[camera scans across the Paladins all looking hopeful and excited]

Bob: We need an answer.

Lance: Ah… mmm… Wait, was it Jelly? No, no! Shelly!

[Buzzer blares. Audience awwws. Sad trombone plays]

Bob: Her name is Swirn.

Lance: Swirn? Huh [chuckles] Never would’ve come up with that.

[Audience laughs]

Lotor and Morvok: Go Galra! Go Galra! Go Galra! [Zarkon hums along with them]

[Audience laughs]

Bob: Your team is starting to lose faith in you, Lance.

[Lotor and Morvok continue chanting in the background. Audience continues laughing]

Lance: I’m just not real good with names. I’ll get the next one.

Bob: I hope so. Let’s see the next face from your past.

[Display beeps. Characters scroll by. The display almost stops on one character before landing on another]

Lance: Finally, a name I know! Quiznak! Can you guys stop changing it at the last second? Hmm… This guy, this guy…

Bob: You remember.

Lance: He faked the distress signal!

Bob: He stole the Blue Lion.

Lance: That too.

[Audience laughs]

Bob: What’s his name?

Lance: [growls] Okay. It’s on the tip of my tongue.

Bob: Traveled with Nyma and Beezer.

Lance: Yeah. Pidge loved that robot. [takes a deep breath]

[cut to the other Paladins spelling out R O L O with their arms. The letters buzz like neon lights.]

Lance: Nope. I got nothing.

[Buzzer blares. Paladins groan. Sad trombone plays]

Bob and Lance: Rolo!

[Audience awwws and laughs]

Bob: You are terrible at this.

Lance: To be fair, we’ve met a lot of people.

Bob: Well, this is the last face, Lance. If you finish without a single correct answer, you know what that means.

Lance: No. What?

Audience: [laughs] Snick! Snick! Snick! Snick! Snick! [continues chanting]

Morvok: Yeah! Hahaha!

Lance: I can’t hear what they’re saying. Is it “snick” ?

Bob: That’s right! Miss this next question, and I will be forced to hit this button, [button glows and makes a noise] which will shoot you out of the studio and into the lair of the Snick.

[audience cheers]

Bob: Show us the Snick, Norlox!

[A display shows a large rocky, spider-like creature. It roars into the camera showing its large teeth]

[Lance screams]

Bob: Ooh! [chuckles] He looks hungry.

Lance: What! Nobody said anything about the Snick!

Bob: Well, it’s in the title of the show. Garfle Warfle Snick!

[audience chuckles]

Lance: I wasn’t listening to that! You know I’m the dumb one!

Bob: Well, here’s your last face, dum-dum. Look carefully.

[audience cheers and laughs]

Lance: Quiet! I need to concentrate!

[Display beeps again and scrolls through characters while a drumroll plays in the background. Lance whimpers and begins to sweat. The display stops.]

Lance: It’s Bii-Boh-Bi! Bii-Boh-Bi!

[Jingle plays triumphantly. Audience cheers]

Bob: That’s right! You are not gonna get fed to the Snick.

[Audience boos]

Bob: They are savages.

[Audience laughs]

Bob: Well, sorry, Zarkon. Looks like you’re going home.

Morvok: It was just fun being on the show!

Haggar: Shut up.

[The floor drops out from underneath the Galra. They shout and fall.]

Bob: And now, since he’s the only person in the galaxy Lance can remember, let’s bring him out! Ladies and gentlemen, star of the hit stick-com, Bii-Boh Me, the one and only Bii-Boh-Bi!

[audience cheers]

Bob: Bii-Boh, welcome back to the show. Seems like you’ve been pretty busy since we saw you last.

Bii-Boh: Bii-bi-boh, bi-boh-bii, bii-bii-bii, bi-bi-boh, bii-bii!

[Bob and audience laugh]

Laugh: Y-yeah. Heh…

Bob: Okay, Bii. You’re an old pro at this, so maybe you can help this dum-dum out.

Bii-Boh: Bii-boh, boh-bii.

[audience laughs weakly]

Bob: Norlox, what is our next warfler?

Norlox: It’s the Garflater!

Audience: Oooh! [cheers]

Bob: Alright, now, as everyone knows, the Garflater is worth vezcenbullion credits. So, Lance, this could get you and your friends well on your way to freedom.

Lance: Let’s do this!

Bob: Of course, if you don’t answer five questions correctly, you’ll end up in the Garflator, where you’ll be slowly cooked alive.

[Screens pans to a clear vat of boiling acid. Sad trombone plays. Audience gasps.]

Lance: What? Come on!

Bob: Let’s put blazzle hoochas on the board.

[monitor beeps]

Bob: Bii-Boh-Bi, you’re giving the clues, and remember not to say the word.

Bii-Boh: Bii-boh.

Bob: Start the Garflator!

[Garflator (the green mouth attached to the top of the tube Lance is trapped in) growls and chomps on the clear tube. Clock begins ticking down]

Bii-Boh: Bii, bii-boh-bi.

Lance: Um… I have no idea what’s happening right now.

Bii-Boh: Bii! [Garflator chomps further down the tube] Boh! [Chomp] Bii!

Lance: Bii?

[jingle plays]

Bob: Correct!

Bii-Boh: Boh-boh…

Lance: Bii?

[audience chuckles]

Bii-Boh: Bii… [squeak]

Lance: Bii-boh?

[Bii-Boh grunts and points at Bob]

Lance: Bii-bii?

[jingle plays]

Bob: That’s two!

[Paladins laugh and celebrate]

Bii-Boh: Boh…

Lance: Bii!

[jingle plays]

Bob: Two more to go!

[Garflator continues chomping on the tube]

Bii-Boh: Bii-boh-boh--

[buzzer blares and Bii-Boh grunts in frustration]

Bob: You can’t say the word.

Bii-Boh: Bii-boh…

Lance: Boh-boh, bii-bii-boh, boh-bii-boh.

[jingle plays]

Lance: Yeah!

[Garflator chomps]

Bob: Final clue. Running out of time!

[Garflator continues chomping, getting close to where Lance is in the tube]

Bii-Boh: Boh-boh-boh!

Lance: Bii-boh-bii-bii?

Bii-Boh: Boh-boh-boh, boh-boh-boh-boh, boh-boh-boh!

Lance: Bii-bii-bii, boh, bii-boh, boh, boh, b-bii-bii-bii!

[buzzer blares]

Lance: Oh! Oh! [screams]

[The Garflator makes it to the bottom of the tube and chomps Lance]

Bob: Oh! So close.

[Lance grunts and screams as he’s dragged along the tube of the Garflator and dumped into the acid]

Bob: The answer was Bii.

Lance: I said that!

Bob: Give it up for Bii-Boh-Bi, everybody!

[audience cheers]

Bii-Boh: Bii-boh, bi-bi-bi-bi!

[Bii-Boh exits the stage]

Bob: When we come back from the break, we’ll see if Lance’s fellow Paladins can get him out of the Warflator before he gets turned into hot pudding… right after this!

Norlox: Garfle Warfle Snick is sponsored by Vrepit Sal’s!

[screen distorts and fuzzes to show Sal in front of his restaurant at the Space Mall]

Norlox: Come on down to Vrepit Sal’s for family fun and approved imperial flavors.

[Sal is shown holding a plate of the meal Hunk created, giving a thumb’s up. A faint twinkling jingle plays. A bag of chips with Haggar on the front is displayed]

Norlox: For a limited time, get a Haggar snack pack every time the Melgregian Fitzers score three havers in a sprat.

[Zarkon and Haggar pop up next to the bag of chips. Haggar has one glowing yellow eye and her tongue stuck out in a hungry pose. Zarkon is giving two thumbs up with the same hungry tongue position. Lotors pops onto the top of the screen at an angle, also giving a thumbs up and winking. A close up of the food is shown again.]

Norlox: Vrepit Sal’s! Sustenance prepared right.

[Sal pops back on screen in front of the food. A chicken-like animal clucks and the shrieks. A sharp, knife-like sound plays followed by a thud. The screen goes back to the game show.]

Norlox: And now back to Garfle Warfle Snick.

[audience claps as the show’s jingle plays]

Bob: Welcome back, everybody. The Paladins of Voltron are trying to win their way off the show, but they just lost one of their team to the Warflator. How’s it going over there, Lance?

[pans to Lance in the vat of acid]

Lance: Actually, this feels great.

[Audience laughs. Lance is in a seated position, relaxing with his arms behind his head, his shoulders and up are floating above the acid and the rest of his body is submerged.]

Lance: The goo is nice and warm and it feels like it’s exfoliating me.

Bob: Well, eventually, it’ll eat through your skin.

[audience laughs. Screen cuts back to Lance in the acid, now looking shocked and frightened instead of relaxed]

Bob: But let’s see if one of your friends can help you out. Well, hello, Princess.

Allura: What are we doing here, Bob?

Bob: We’re playing the game.

[audience laughs weakly]

Allura: Please let us go. The universe needs Voltron.

Bob: Well, then the Paladins of Voltron are just gonna have to get serious about winning this game. Now, which one of you do you want to play to free Lance, huh? Who’s the brainiest of the team?

All the Paladins: Pidge.

Bob: All right, little fellow, step on out here.

[Pidge is wheeled out to the front by her foot restraints and yells in surprise. The audience claps and cheers]

Bob: Norlox, tell us what the next warfler is.

Norlox: It’s Bankchannel!

[A robotic jingle plays. The screen shows a complicated mini-golf course. The audience claps]

Pidge: Hey! Miniature golf!

Bob: Miniature what?

Pidge: This game, it’s… Never mind.

Bob: All right, let me show you how to play here. [Bob picks up the golf club] All you have to do is hit the sphere through the bankchannel into the tunnel.

[the jingle plays again. A display pops up showing a close up on the hole. Bob demonstrates how to hit the ball off several walls to land in the hole. Audience claps politely]

Bob: Easy. Think you can do that?

Pidge: I think I can handle it. [she takes the club from Bob]

[music plays as Pidge carefully inspects the terrain. She Hmm’s several times. The screen distorts as she lines up her shot like a pool cue instead of a golf shot. And squints with one eye closed]

Bob: Ooh. Very serious.

[Audience laughs. Pidge looks behind herself back towards the Paladins at their podiums]

Bob: The hole is over there.

[Audience laughs]

[Pidge stands up and carefully lines up her shot, taking several abbreviated practice swings at the ball while humming softly. She rears back to swing hard and grunts. The ball slams into the game show camera with a crunching noise as the glass shatters. It ricochets off the camera and hits Bob’s floating chair, sending him spinning wildly around the room making noises of shock and alarm. Static briefly flashes over the screen, then reveals Bob on the ground and Pidge jumping on top of him, holding him to the ground by his head.]

Pidge: Let us go! Now!

[and alarm begins to wail. Red lights flash in the studio.]

Pidge: Huh?

[Audience cheers wildly]

Bob: It looks like the Paladins have just made it into the final round!

[Bob zips out from under Pidge and appears in front of the stage again with a glittery jingle. Lights flash around the screen triumphantly. The audience continues to cheer. All of the Paladins (including Lance) are back behind their podiums and look very confused.]

Pidge: What the…

[Lance grabs at his own face]

Hunk: Okay, I know I’ve said this before many times, but this is the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Bob: One of you will now be allowed to leave the game. The rest of you will be staying here with me forever.

[Audience oooh’s]

Bob: You have blazzle hoochas to write down your choice for who should get to escape on the screen in front of you. Go!

[dividers pop up between the Paladins’ podiums so they can’t see each other. A clock begins to tick down. The Paladins examine their pens and begin to write. All of them seem reluctant and conflicted.]

Bob: Final hoochas. Make your selections, everyone.

[Clock finishes and the podium dividers slide down with a whoosh]

Bob: Hunk, let’s start with you. Who’d you vote for?

[A picture of Allura pops up on Hunk’s podium display with a jingle]

Hunk: Well, Bob, I voted for Allura.

[the audience gasps and aww’s]

Hunk: I figured she’s the princess, and she’s such a natural leader, you know. The universe needs her more than it needs the rest of us, plain and simple.

[Audience aww’s. Allura places her hand on Hunk’s shoulder]

Allura: Aw. Thank you, Hunk.

Bob: Allura, who did you vote for?

[Pidge’s photo pops up on Allura’s podium]

Allura: I selected Pidge. She and her family have the best chance of rebuilding what my father started.

Bob: Interesting. Lance, who got your vote?

[Keith’s photo is shown on Lance’s podium]

Lance: I voted for Keith. He’s our leader, plus he’s half Galra, so I think he’s, like, the future.

Bob: Keith, the leader, who do you think deserves to make it out of here, huh?

[Lance’s photo is shown on Keith’s podium]

Bob: Lance? Why Lance?

[Audience makes surprised noises]

Keith: I just don’t wanna be stuck here for eternity with Lance.

[Audience laughs]

Lance: Aw. Thanks, man. Wait, what?

[Audience laughs]

Bob: We’re down to our very last vote. Pidge, you’re the Paladin that everyone says is the smartest, the most analytical, the most logical. Let’s see who you voted for.

[Hunk’s photo is shown on Pidge’s podium]

[Audience aww’s]

Bob: Hunk? Seriously?

Pidge: Yeah. Hunk gets along with everybody. If anyone’s gonna go out into the universe and bring people together, it’s Hunk.

[Audience aww’s again]

Hunk: Aw, thanks, Pidge.

[Hunk and Pidge fist bump]

Bob: No one voted for themselves. Everyone wanted someone else to get to leave and every single one of you got a vote.

Lance: So I guess we all get fed to the Snick or something now, right?

Bob: [voice distorted sinisterly] You all get… [normal voice] quaz-cenbullion credits!

[Cheerful music plays, confetti shoots at the corners of the screen, lights flash like a camera bulb. The audience cheers.]

Bob: You win!

[Paladins all hug each other and cheering in a cloud of confetti]

Pidge: Yeah! Yes! Yay!

Hunk: We’re the best!

Bob: That’s our show, everybody. From all of us here at Garle Warfle Snick, please have your klanmuirls spayed or neutered. Good night!

[A power down beep sounds. The screen fades to black. The Lions are flying in formation with a nebula-like background. An alarm clock goes off. Screen jumps to inside Hunk’s cockpit where he gasps awake.]

Hunk: [whimpering and looking around for a moment before relaxing] Oh! Whoa. Oh. That was messed up. Hey, guys. I just kinda dozed off for a second and I had this crazy dream.

[scene changes to Pidge’s Lion, Shiro looking concerned in the background.]

Pidge: Garfle Warfle Snick?

Hunk: No. Way.

Keith: You guys saw that, too?

Lance: So wait, does that mean Bob is real?

[Scene changes to inside Allura’s Lion. Romelle and Coran are behind her seat.]

Coran: Bob? Did you all just meet Bob?

Allura: Coran, you know him?

Coran: I’ve never met him myself, but I’ve heard tales. He’s an all-powerful, all-knowing interdimensional being who judges the worthiness of great warriors.

[All paladins pop up over a display of godly being in the swirling cosmos, holding all of the paladins in one enormous hand. Allura, Hunk, Pidge, and Keith look very skeptical.]

Lance: Well, I bet he never met anyone worthier than us.

[Light glints off Lance’s tooth as he grins with a sparkly chime]

Coran: The legends say that if you meet Bob and live to tell the tale, you’re destined for great things indeed.

Keith: The guy was kind of a jerk, though, right?

[Hunk murmurs in agreement]

Allura: Completely.

Lance: I’m not that dumb!

[The Lions jet off farther into space. A constellation of many stars and planets in the background faintly make the shape of Bob’s face.]

[Static fills the screen and then an underwater scene is shown]

Blumfump: [voice distorted at first, growing clearer with every word] Looking for a play the whole family can enjoy? Come on down to Luxia’s Kingdom. Ride a seahorse. Feed Swirn’s jellyfish.

[People riding seahorses come onto the screen, followed by a person feeding jellyfish out of their hand. Then the scene is replaced by a group of people relaxing in a hot spring]

Blumfump: You can take a dip in our new volcanic hot springs or see the hypnotic Octodancers perform [Scene changes to people watching an octopus creature dancing on a stage] while snack on treats [Scene changes again to Plaxum handing out food] from Plaxum’s bakery and lots more!

[Scene fades out with mermaid people waving to the camera]

Blumfump: [voice distorting] Luxia’s Kingdom, so safe and warm, you’ll wanna stay forever.

END

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #transcript #allura #keith #lance #pidge #hunk #zarkon #haggar #lotor #morvok #bob #norlox #bii boh bi #coran #blumfump

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voltron-s7-8-rewrite · 6 years ago

Text

“The Feud”

This is part of my Voltron Season 7 & 8 re-write. If you are interested start HERE

The Feud

Like every episode, Norlox welcomes us, the viewer, to "Garfle Warfle Snick!", prompting the audience to cheer. He announces our favorite host, Bob, who flies out, sitting on his ever present floating lounger. Bob informs us that there are very special contestants on the show today, and introduces the Paladins of Voltron.

All five Paladins rise up out of the floor, extremely confused as to what’s going on. Just a moment ago they had been traveling in Voltron on their way back to Earth, now they appear to be the midst of an alien game show.

Bob comes over and asks for the Paladins to introduce themselves, bewildered by everything, Keith asks what this is. Bob chastises them for not listening to Norlax, and asks the audience to tell them the name of the show.

The cameraman switches to a view of the audience, where Shiro, Krolia, Romelle, Coran, and even Kosmo are sitting, just as confused as the Paladins. Surrounding them is an audience made out of Bobs who all answer the other Bob with a shout of “Garfle Warfle Snick!".

With that out of the way, Bob once again asks for the Paladin’s names. Keith tells him, and asks how they got there; Bob dismisses his question with a joke, and continues asking the others for their names.

Once everyone is introduced, Bob begins the first game. He explains the usual rules, how they need to accumulate quaz-cenbullion credits to win, and informing them that if they don’t reach the stated amount, they will be trapped in the studio for all eternity.

The Paladins are stunned at his statement. Enraged, Keith says they won’t be wasting their time here, that the universe at stake, and they are leaving. However, Bob snaps his fingers, and the Paladins find their legs bound to the floor. Bob’s jolly behavior turns downright sinister as he tells them that they have been selected as guests on his show, and they will play it for as long as he wants them to. The Paladins, unnerved at the change of his behavior, agree.

Seeing the Paladins understand, he immediately snaps back to his normal jolly self, and calls Keith over for the first game.

Having heard the rules, Krolia turns to the others and says they have to help the Paladins out. She explains while Bob is focused on the game, they can attack. The others agree and stand, walking down one the aisle, only to return to their vacant seats from the other side. They are shocked and turn around, only to see their vacant seats behind them.

Refusing to give up, Krolia motions the isle below them, and they start hopping over the seats, much to the displeasure of the Bobs they are stepping over. Walking down several rows, they once again end up on the isle with their vacant seats. Realizing they are stuck here, the five sit down, angered and annoyed.

Pulling Keith up to the main stage, Bob explains the first game, Pictation. With it being like the human game, “Pictionary”, Keith is able to easily understand and play.

While Bob puts Keith through some extra humiliation by pulling his hair up and sticking a pacifier in his mouth, the Black Paladin takes it in stride and concentrates on the game as the timer starts.

Allura is able to guess his first drawing of an Arusan, while Pidge gets the second with his drawing of a Marmoran Blade. Lance figures out the third picture of a Bytor, and while Hunk guess the fourth being one of the Voltron Lions, Bob says he need to be more specific. Hunk tries to quickly list the different lions, as Keith draws some flames, but the time runs out before he can say the right one, so they don’t get that final point.

Bob talks to the audience some more, while Keith is returned to where the others are. Hunk apologizes, but Keith assures him it’s not his fault, and tells the Paladins that if the only way to get out of here it to play along, then fine, they are going to destroy Bob at his own games. They agree, and the five are fired up and ready to take the game show host down.

Returning to the Paladins, Bob picks Lance for the next game’s contestant, but breaks for a word from the show’s sponsors.

In the audience, the others are still looking glum and annoyed, all except for Coran, who’s starting to enjoy the game.

Kosmo, sitting in one of the seats, teleports away only to reappear in the exact same spot.

Krolia, Romelle, and Shiro sigh in frustration as Coran claps with the audience Bobs as the show returns.

Coming back, Bob asks for the next game, which Norlax reveals to be “Garflater”. Bringing in a special guest, Bii-boh-Bi, Lance is told the rules. He must answer five questions correctly in Bii-Boh-Bi’s native language.

Lucky for him, Lance had learned a bit of the language in order to talk with fans during Voltron’s shows. He hopes it will be enough, and the Paladins encourage him on. Bob says there can’t be any communication between Lance and his team, and has an isolation shield dropped around him.

Bii-boh-Bi asks his questions, and Lance takes it slow, trying to answer. He gets all but the last one right, and is returned to his spot.

The others console him, and complain about having to answer in another language. Bob tells them that if they didn’t want to play the games, they shouldn’t have come on. Pidge snaps that he forced them here, but he ignores her and moves onto the next game, calling Hunk up.

Bob tells Hunk the rules for the game he gets to play; he's going to be shown a series of photos of people that the Paladins met on their journey, all he has to do is correctly name them. Hunk panics, saying they’ve met a lot of people, but Bob starts the game.

First up is Antok, who Hunk knows, but he has a hard time remember his name. He feels horrible, saying that he lost his life while helping the Paladins fight, and that his death really impacted Kolivan. Saying that triggers his name, and Hunk quickly says it.

The next is Swirn, who Hunk instantly remembers, explaining that she helped save him and Lance from being brainwashed, then helped take down a creature that was harvesting her people.

After her is N7, a cyborg Rebel friend of Matt’s who Hunk says he met and really got along with after the battle of Naxzela.

And the final image is Klaizap, who Hunk fondly remembers as the third alien he ever met.

With that, the game is over, and thanks to his caring and altruistic personality, the Paladin’s score was greatly boosted. The Paladin’s, as well as the rest of the group in the audience cheer for him.

Allura and Pidge are chosen for the final game, “Bankchannel”. The two must answer a series of questions as they run through an obstacle course. Every question wrong causes more obstacles to hinder their path. The goal is to get to the end line before the timer runs out.

The two start off and work together, Pidge answering the questions while Allura gets them through the obstacles.

However, halfway through the two put their own plan into motion. As Bob floats nearby, rather than helping Pidge over an obstacle, Allura turns and throws her at Bob, allowing her to tackle the host to the ground.

In the audience Krolia, Shiro, and Romelle excitedly cheer Pidge and Allura on, as Coran and the other Bobs stare in shock.

Pidge holds Bob down, as Allura runs over. They demand to be released, but an alarm starts blaring, and immediately the two girls are back with the other three Paladins at their podiums, everything having returned to normal.

Bob announces the final round of the game; the Paladins must vote for one of their team members to stay, trapped in the audience forever, while the others will be released. He gives them a moment to vote. The Paladins all glance at each other, the prospect of leaving one of their own behind is unthinkable. Slats come up, cutting their view of each other off. They all step up to their podium and take their pens, none of them hesitate with their answer. They all know who the right person to stay is.

Bob comes over for their answers, and one by one each of the Paladins reveal that they voted for themselves to be the one left behind.

Bob once again loses his cheerful personality as he sees this. The Paladins prepare for the worst, but he snaps back to normal and jolly self tells them that they all get to leave.

He then turns to us and ends the show, snapping his fingers and causing the Paladins to disappear in a flash of light.

With the Paladins gone, Norlox asks Bob why the anomaly he sent wasn’t enough. Bob says the anomaly was a trial, but this was the verdict.

Waking up in the Lions, Hunk complains about a horrible dream he just had. Pidge asks if it was about "Garfle Warfle Snick", prompting everyone to realize it wasn’t a dream.

Lance asks what that whole thing was about, but before they can ponder, Keith, voice in a state of disbelief, tells the Paladins to look at their sensors.

They do, and stare in shock as they see that they have reached the Milky Way, despite having still been hundreds of light years off before being pulled into Garfle Warfle Snick.

Not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, Keith gives the command to head home.

Notes:

So, after the emotional turmoil of the previous stories, and the upcoming darker ones, we need a nice light-hearted story to break things up. However just because it’s lighthearted and fun, doesn’t mean it can’t help progress things in the story and characters. So, I changed some of the games, and who gets to play them, to do just that!

First, I hated how they made Lance look so flippant and uncaring about those who they’ve met by having him not remember their names. So, I changed that game to being played by Hunk, and used the Bii-Boh-Bi game to show that Lance actually cares about those he meets too.

So often Lance is shown interacting with the aliens in a way that makes it look like it’s all about his own self-admiration. Showing here that he actually takes the time to learn things about other species, including taking time to learn bits of their own language, shows that he cares about these peoples and tries connect with them.

And for Hunk, he is a character who is so caring and attentive, I thought not only would he remember the names of the people he’s met, but ways they might have made an impact on him.

The creators having the characters be so flippant with characters, especially ones like Antok who sacrificed his life for the Paladin’s cause, is a horrible thing to show. It’s important that the characters the Paladins meet during the events of this story mean something to them. Because if the Paladins can’t be bothered to remember the names of people who helped and died for them, why should we?

I changed the fourth game, to an obstacle course. I had some kind of “Legend of the Hidden Temple” Temple Run parody in my mind for it, with an added quiz element to it.

I mean, in the show Bob asks who is the “Brainiest” is, to which they all say Pidge; so why is the game mini golf? Because of that, and Allura being the strongest, I thought a team game where they could both use their strengths to get through would be fun.

Finally, I changed the last round for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I don’t like the characters didn't have any issue with just picking one person to go free. You would think that they would say something to each other, or try arguing with Bob about freeing the others. They are supposed to be close, without showing them have any heartache about picking one over the others makes them look like they don’t really care all that much.

By changing it to them having to pick one person to stay, we now get to see that what they said in the last story is true, without hesitation, they were each willing to be the one left behind. They would sacrifice their freedom, their lives for each other.

So, with this fun ‘filler’ story, not only have we shown deeper parts of these characters, by showing how they care and think about the peoples of the universe, but we have shown how much they all truly love each other.

I also didn’t want to leave Krolia, Shiro, Coran, Romelle, and Kosmo out of this story, as we spent most of the last one without them. They might not be Paladins, but they are a vital part of the team, and should not be left out all the time.

Having them in the audience and seeing their reactions to the ridiculousness would be a great way to have humor in the story. Least, I find it better then the “lol, Lance is dumb” ‘humor’ the episode had.

You could even make it worse for them by having them have to wear ridiculous costumes the whole time, giving a nod to shows like “Let’s make a deal”.

Now, about the end with Bob and Norlax ; one of the interviews with the show runners I remember seeing, mentioned that Bob was kind of like Voltron’s version of Q (from Star Trek). Being the Trekkie that I am, I wanted to play that up and imply that this ‘game show’ is Bob’s version of Q’s courtroom. Both the anomaly in the previous episode and this event is Bob’s way of judging the Paladins; testing to see if they are worthy of their positions and if their bonds are strong enough to face what’s coming their way. Which they are. . . . . . . . Oh, and Bob should have totally been voiced by John de Lancie in the actual episode.

Thanks for reading, have a great day!

#voltron #lance voltron #keith voltron #Allura #hunk voltron #voltron pidge #MyVoltronSeasonSummary #mywritings

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