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theragnarokd · 7 years

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either way, there is a light on [POI x Fallout 4 fusion, reese + finch gen, rinch if you squint]

[fusion crossover with @maculategiraffe‘s fantastic “How Life Goes On, The Way It Does” series. self harm TW, contains physical & psychological torture, canon-typical violence, internalized & external dehumanization, caretaking]

R3-53 was just back from tracking down a rogue unit: he'd only finished washing the blood off when the order came to go down into the laboratories.

He passed through the places where humans in white lab coats worked, his head bowed respectfully, and onward through four locked doors. Finally, he found Dr. Snow, unit K4-74, and a human R3-53 didn't recognize.

"Unit R3-53," Dr. Snow said, "this is Dr. Finch. You are not to obey his orders. You are to keep him from escaping. And you are to obey K4-74 in everything."

"I told you," Finch said, his voice reedy. "I'm quitting. If you want to exile me, get it over with."

Dr. Snow nodded at K4-74 and left without a word. K4-74 pulled out a sharp blade.

"Unit R3-53," K4-74 said, "cut across your stomach. Avoid any long term damage. Do not hide your response."

Dr. Finch's breathing and heart rate sped up. An adrenaline reaction, surely, to seeing someone so similar to a human threatened.

R3-53 exposed his abdomen and took the knife from K4-74. The cut was only two milimeters long when Dr. Finch said, "Fine! I'll do it. I'll do it. Please tell him to stop." Sweat beaded on his forehead and he blinked a little too rapidly.

K4-74 gave the command, and R3-53 obeyed.

"This is what they gave me," Kitty says, and hands a piece of paper over to Nora.

Nora frowns. It's a rudimentary map, with a few nearby settlements marked on it, and an X marked with the legend, "the least of what father owed you."

"There were supplies there," Kitty says, "and this." She takes out a simple device with a tiny LED. "The instructions said to wait until it turned green, then get going. That's what I did."

Kitty's chosen name suits her: she's tiny and adorable. Nora asks, "And you didn't face any danger on your way here?"

Kitty shakes her head. Her ponytail bounces. "None. I saw a mirelurk once, but someone I couldn't see blasted it off."

That's four synths now with variations on the same story: a map left, tossed through an open window or hidden in their clothes, a trail of supplies ultimately leading to Fort Independence.

"Thanks, Kitty," Nora says. The kid, shyly, offers her a hug which Nora gladly accepts. "I'm glad they brought you here, and kept you safe."

"Me, too," Kitty says, and wrinkles her nose. "Would it kill them to hang out long enough to let me thank them in person?"

"Here's hoping not," Hancock says quietly behind Nora.

The only time R3-53 saw Dr. Finch show emotion were when he was being punished, up till now.

"I'll let you think about it," Dr. Snow had said, before leaving the room. "Unit R3-53, you know what to do if Dr. Finch refuses."

K4-74 lay on the table before them, motionless. Her relay chip had become damaged. Dr. Finch was ordered to fix it, without any other scientist's help.

"This is stupid!" Dr. Finch finally snapped. "I'm no doctor, I'm not even advanced systems! They're ordering me to kill her for no reason but to watch me squirm!"

2593 milliseconds pass, and R3-53 said, "Was I mislaid about your name, then?"

For a longer span of time, Dr. Finch stared at R3-53. Then he said, voice high, "Did you just make a joke?"

R3-53 didn't flinch, of course. He'd been trained out of such responses. Instead he said, "I am capable of field surgery, Dr. Finch. I can take out the chip for you."

"Can you?" The sudden interest in Dr. Finch's eye is... oddly gratifying. Perhaps R3-53 had learned to connect Dr. Finch's relief with the cessation of his own pain: the link between the two was plain enough, and frequently reestablished.

"I'm no scientist," R3-53 said. That much was clear enough.

"You're certainly smarter than some I've known, and more capable," Dr. Finch muttered. "Although that might be considered damning with faint praise."

Getting access to PAM was kind of a bitch, given that Desdemona is still pissed at Nora. At the same time, Desdemona isn't stupid, so access Nora got.

Not that it helped her a whole lot. "Data set invalid," PAM says, after taking forever chewing the data.

"Oh come on!" Nora does not thump her fist on any nearby surfaces. She's too classy for that. "This is the data we have, are you telling me it's impossible?"

"Data set invalid," PAM says again, with a hint of reproach. How dare Nora fault her logic.

Nora looks at her maps and timelines. Okay, yeah, it doesn't seem likely that just one person could manage to run around escorting four synths to her, each more than a few hours' walk from the others. An operation of that size would take at least six or more people, unless they could teleport, and then the support those people would need - you'd end up with an operation that Nora would hear about, one way or another.

She frowns and rewinds that thought. Unless. Unless they could teleport...

"You have to go," Dr. Finch told them, his face ashen. Above them, the explosions were louder and louder, coming close.

K4-74 only waited for long enough to ask R3-53, "Coming?" When he shook his head, she shrugged, said, "Suit yourself," and took off.

"I am not required to obey you," R3-53 told Dr. Finch. "My orders are to prevent your escape."

"From what?" Dr. Finch demanded. "The Institute is literally getting blown up! You have to go, unit R3-53, or you'll die here!"

"The same applies to you." Distantly, R3-53 noted that his voice was rising. "These were not my command parameters. I cannot let you escape."

The next explosion hits one of the armored doors, shaking the room. R3-53 caught himself, but Dr. Finch fell to his knees.

He looked up at R3-53, blinking. Hesitantly, he said, "What if I left with you?"

Before Dr. Finch finishes his sentence, R3-53 says, "These parameters are acceptable." He hoists a squawking Dr. Finch on his shoulder in a firefighter carry and hastens away.

The problem with tracking down someone who can teleport... well, it's right there in the question.

The first place Nora considers is the Institute's old location, but there's barely anything left of that. Michael would have been able to teleport there if the pad had still been active, probably.

So there's another teleporting device somewhere in her commonwealth. Isn't that dandy.

PAM did end up helping, unexpectedly, when she flagged up several exchange sites.

What these were, Nora had no idea until she got there to see a pile of broken technology and a tiny hill of glittering caps. "Doesn't anybody steal those?" Nora says, gesturing at the caps.

"Not if they like their kneecaps," says the settler who showed her the place. He seems a bit too cheerful about the idea. "You leave any piece of tech, plus caps, and it comes back fixed. That's how it works."

If Nora's mystery guy - or gal - turns up around here with regularity, there should be a pad close by. All Nora would have to do is find it and wait.

They had not escaped unscathed; R3-53 had only shallow injuries which, although numerous, healed quickly, but Dr. Finch took shrapnel to the back. R3-53 did his best to stabilize Dr. Finch, and it seemed he'd heal, but he would probably never have full range of motion again.

The first thing R3-53 told Finch when he woke up was, "I'm sorry."

Finch croaked, "You saved my life." Then, more alarmed, "Why can't I move my legs?"

Even after R3-53 explained Finch's injuries and how R3-53 was responsible for them indirectly, through failing to better protect Finch, Finch refused to cast any blame on R3-53. "You saved my life," he repeated, stubbornly.

Caring for Finch was repetitive and weirdly soothing, not unlike caring for his weapons, except that Finch was alive. Finch was oddly courteous about his care; he always thanked R3-53 for even the smallest action, and asked for assistance in the most polite terms. Probably this was due to Finch's embarrassment. R3-53 paid it little mind.

He did appreciate that Finch no longer tried to deter R3-53 from following his mission parameters. One time, when Finch asked, "What's on your mind?" R3-53 admitted that.

"The Institute is gone," Finch said, quiet. "Nobody is going to order you to hurt yourself, now."

That was undeniably true. It was a relief to hear - less because R3-53 was afraid of damage to himself, and more because R3-53 never enjoyed the evidence of fear in Finch's heart beat.

"Nobody will order me to hurt myself," R3-53 agreed, just for the vicarious pleasure of Finch's relief. That, too, was part of what made caring for him soothing: Finch's lessened pain felt better than using a stimpak.

Finch looked at R3-53 thoughtfully. "Do you miss having orders?" he asked.

R3-53 considered. "It was good to have a purpose," he said, slowly. Even if, bit by bit, he'd come to wonder if that purpose was real or worthwhile after all. Finch's scathing lectures about morality and wastefulness had crept into R3-53's mind.

This, too, made caring for Finch soothing: that it was like the opposite of all of R3-53's other missions. A mission to save, not to destroy.

Sometimes, it was as though Finch could read R3-53's mind. "I have an idea," Finch said. "Supposing that I could ascertain the location of synths in danger. Supposing that I sent you to escort them to safety."

R3-53's heartrate and breathing were elevated, despite his best efforts to the contrary. "What safety is there, with the Institute gone?" he asked.

Finch grimaced. "Please don't play stupid, R3-53. We've both heard the radio announcements."

"How?" R3-53 demanded. Unthinkable, to take this tone with a human, even if he'd expressly been told not to obey Dr. Finch. "My mission parameters prohibit leaving you for so long." R3-53's mission parameters were a thin sham, now with the Institute gone, but so far Finch had not called him out on it.

Finch's answering expression is unbearably smug. "R3-53, do you need to be reminded that I build relay interfaces?"

Nora's mystery person turns out to be a tall guy in a courser uniform. He has a gun aimed at Nora before she can say anything.

She raises her hands high. "Do you know who I am?" she tries not to smile, or look too much like she wants to tackle-hug him.

"Director Nora Bowman," the courser says. He has a weird sort of tone, like he's stage-whispering, a little sing-song. "Father's heir, protector of the Commonwealth."

Nora nods fast. "So you know I have absolutely no intention of hurting you?"

He looks at her. He's more expressive than most coursers she's met, but that's true of stone statues, too. "That might be a mistake on your behalf."

That... doesn't make a lot of sense. "If you think I'd hurt synths, why did you send all these guys my way? Not that I'm not grateful. I am, a lot." Something moves in the courser's face. Nora seizes on it. "They're all doing great. Kitty is really great at doing laundry, which is a skill I didn't know how much we needed until someone picked it up, and Mikey--"

She stops when he tenses. The most minute movement, as obvious as a full body seizure to someone who's gotten used to speaking courser. "You think we're human." His voice is flat. It sounds like an accusation.

Nora spreads her hands. "Well... duh. Did you think I'd be doing what I've done otherwise?"

He comes a little closer. His gun is still trained on her, but now she can tell his eyes are very blue. "Then tell me, Nora Bowman. Are we responsible for the things we've done? If we're not machines, how can we say we were just following orders?"

"Oh," Nora says, full of understanding, and an, "Oh, honey," slips out.

It was the wrong thing to say. As soon as the word comes out, the courser flinches away, then runs back to the pad; a flash, and he's gone.

"Shit," Nora says, to nobody in particular. She knew she should have brought Michael along for this.

He paces their little hideaway, aware that Finch is watching him.

"It's hardly in my best interest to suggest that you hear her out," Finch says at last. "And yet, the encounter seems to be weighing on you considerably."

He feels like he's going to burst, like something deep and nameless will crawl out of his chest if he's still for too long. "She was just curious," he says harshly. "Now she'll be satisfied."

"Amazing," Finch says, quietly. "All this work the Institute did on you, and you retain just as much capacity for self deception as an ordinary human."

He turns around sharply. "Am I human, Finch? There's a name, isn't it, for the kind of human who did the things I've done." Murder, if the synths were as human as Finch and Bowman. Worse than murder.

Finch opens his mouth, then visibly rethinks his words. "People can do bad things and be forgiven."

"If she can forgive me," he growls, "after the things I've done, I don't want her forgiveness."

"R3," Finch begins, then stops, looking at his face. "Do you want another name?"

"I don't see why that matters," he says harshly.

Momentarily, there's silence. Then Finch says, idly, "You know, I used to think of your former colleague as Kara. Her designation nearly spelled that. You could be... Rese? Reese. If you found that a name you could connect to."

He freezes. Then he turns around and walks out. Part of his mind ticks items off a list: their hideaway is secure, Finch has abundant food and water and caps. Finch abhorred venturing outside, but in an emergency he could.

Reese. The name flickers and flashes in his mind like a meteorite, too far and hot to touch.

He dresses as a human, sometimes, to buy food food in nearby settlements, spending the caps Finch earned repairing equipment. He's learned to speak similarly to the locals, so as not to draw attention. Nobody has ever asked his name; he assumed he would say it's John. It's a common name.

John Reese. It's as good a name for a killer as anything else.

Nora doesn't drown her sorrows in drink anymore: instead, she cuddles her kids, at least those of them amenable to cuddling. That's pretty much just Emily and Shaun, although the others have really come along on the hugging front.

"I was stupid," Nora says. "I knew he was skittish, but I had to open my big mouth."

"He'll come around," Emily says firmly.

Nora has to admit that experience is on Emily's side. She lays her head over Emily's shoulder. "He better. Or we'll all hunt him down and cuddle him into submission."

Emily hugs her, then stiffens. "Is somebody calling for you?"

At his side, a frantic beeping sounds. Reese jerks upright and starts running.

"I'm the General," Nora says. "Somebody's always calling me." But she gets up: part of being the General means being available when you're needed.

She leaves the family room to find Kitty, her freckled face pale. "There's someone at the gate," Kitty says. "He's all bloody, and he's carrying someone."

The raiders are still there when Reese makes it to their hideout, but not for long. It takes him only a few seconds to get rid of them, and then he wishes he could have made their deaths last longer.

Because the alternative is to look at Finch, lying twisted and broken on the floor: alive for now, but beyond Reese's ability to keep him that way.

He kneels next to Finch. "What did they want?" He doesn't care about the answer, just wants to hear Finch's voice.

"I told them they could have the caps," Finch says. "They wanted my maps."

That the raiders knew about the maps Finch and Reese kept, the ones detailing the locations of synths who might need their help, is troubling. That they wanted the maps and ignored caps and supplies to search for them is worse. But Reese can't think about that right now.

"You need medical assistance," he says.

Finch's hand finds his and grabs for a moment. "Go to Bowman," Finch says. "She can utilize your skills better than I ever could. Bring her the maps."

Reese meets Finch's eyes. "I thought you knew that's not in my mission parameters," he says.

Finch is shaking. He must be in agony. But his voice betrayed no sign of it as he said, "Your mission is going to be over soon, anyway. You'll need a new one."

Something spasms in Reese's chest. He flings himself up and rummages around. He doesn't have materials to make a travois and there's no time, anyway.

He can still do better than last time: he stabilizes Finch's wounds to the best of his abilities before picking Finch up in his arms.

At that, Finch makes a futile attempt at struggle. "What are you doing?"

"If I'm going to Nora Bowman," Reese says, determined, "you're coming with me."

Finch huffs softly. "I think," he says, "I might find less of a welcome there than you will. I'm not one of those she regards as her children - I'm one of the people who oppressed them."

"If she can't forgive you," Reese says, with a slight feeling of - what's it called? Deja vu. "Then I don't want her forgiveness."

"Are you okay?" Nora asks the guy in the blood-soaked courser uniform.

He tracks her gaze. "Hardly of the blood is mine," he says.

"Yeah, that's not what I asked," Nora says. "Look, I'm sorry I spooked you. I said the wrong thing, I do that a lot. Please let me make it up to you."

He looks at her, blank as only a courser can be. "You will continue to give him medical care?"

"Absolutely."

He stands at even stiffer attention, which she would have thought impossible. "Why?"

Nora considers. "Well, usually I'd do that for anyone showing up injured at my door, unless I have reasons to suspect they're a danger to me and mine."

Suddenly he's looming over her, coming further into her personal space than any courser she hasn't taught to hug. "What if they are a danger?"

Unfortunately for him, that just means she wants to hug him, bloody clothes and all. Still, she restrains herself. "I don't think he's going to do anything horrible while under general anesthesia," she says. "But is it him you're worried about?"

For a minute she worries he'll storm out again, but he looks into the clinic again.

"Do you want a chair?" Nora says suddenly. "You could come inside and sit next to him." She eyes him, tries to think of a tactful way to say it, then just opts for, "Maybe grab a shower first. I'm pretty sure I have a clean courser's uniform around here somewhere."

"What I wear doesn't matter," he says. Of course it doesn't.

It suddenly strikes Nora that she's being a dumbass. "Hey, what's your name? Designation. Whatever you call yourself."

For a long time he's quiet, long enough that she worries she offended him again. Then he says, quietly, "John Reese."

Well. Nora doesn't think she can be blamed for hugging Reese then, even if it is an absolutely terrible idea. "That's a great name," she tells him, wholeheartedly. "It suits you."

"It was Finch's idea." Is it her imagination, or is he softening a bit under the contact? Whatever. She'll take it.

#nora bowman #rinch #fallout 4 #poi #how life goes on the way it does #i post #my fic

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livingasaghost · 3 years

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what is grief?

wandavision (2021) / a man called ove by fredrik backman / "endless night" from the lion king / "without you" from rent / "no one is alone" from into the woods / into the still blue by veronica rossi / the haunting of hill house (2018) / andrew garfield / queen of shadows by sarah j maas / the king's men by nora sakavic / "supermarket flowers" by ed sheeran / jojo rabbit (2019) / harry potter and the order of the phoenix by j.k. r*wling / fleabag (2016-2019) / summer bird blue by akemi dawn bowman / "marjorie" by taylor swift / the dark interval: letters on loss, grief, and transformation by rainer maria rilke / the song rising by samantha shannon / little women (2019) / a grief observed by c.s. lewis / "empty chairs at empty tables" from les miserables / "it's quiet uptown" from hamilton / dead poets society (1989) / a little life by hanya yanagihara / "hallelujah" by haim / "nana" by the 1975 / tweet by @creativechi1 / moulin rouge (2001) / personal text / a million junes by emily henry / "good grief" by hayley williams / "secrets from a girl (who's seen it all)" by lorde / monstress vol 5: warchild by marjorie liu / hawkeye (2021) / "good grief" by bastille / red, white, and royal blue by casey mcquiston / “i’ll be seeing you” by billie holiday / the haunting of bly manor (2020) / "everybody lost somebody" by bleachers / "chinese satellite" by phoebe bridgers / "joanne" by lady gaga / clockwork prince by cassandra clare / avengers: endgame (2019) / moana (2016)

#web weaving #parallel post #parallels #grief #grieving #death #sorry everyone but i had to update this #at all times my brain is just GRIEFGRIEFGRIEFGRIEFGRIEF

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anteater-not-aardvark · 3 years

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a-spec books: contemporary

Here are some book recommendations for contemporary books with a-spec main characters

Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

Technically, You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson

Rick by Alex Gino

Loveless by Alice Oseman

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montilyets · 4 years

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Ace Week 2020 → Asexual Spectrum Characters in Literature

— Georgia Warr, Loveless by Alice Oseman — Raphael Santiago, The Shadowhunter Chronicles by Cassandra Clare — Neil Josten, All for the Game by Nora Sakavic — Nancy Whitman, Wayward Children by Seanan McGuire — Rumi Seto, Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman — Kamai Nuala, Beyond the Black Door by A.M. Strickland

#ace week #ace week 2020 #litedit #yalitedit #neil josten #storyseekers #booksocietynet #georgia warr #raphael santiago #nancy whitman #rumi seto #kamai nuala #mine #mine: mixed #f: literature

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asexual-library · 4 years

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Fiction Books With Asexual/Aromantic Rep

The Bone People by Keri Hulme (Adult, Asexual Rep)

Perfect Rhythm by Jae (Adult, Asexual Rep)

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann (YA, Asexual Rep)

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann (YA, Asexual Rep, Aromantic Rep)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (YA, Demisexual Rep)

Loveless by Alice Oseman (YA Asexual Rep, Aromantic Rep)

Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijikamp (YA, Asexual Rep)

Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman (YA, Asexual Rep, Aromantic Rep)

This Song is (Not) For You by Laura Nowlin (YA, Asexual Rep)

Brief Chronicle of Another Stupid Heartbreak by Adi Alsaid (YA, Asexual Rep, Aromantic Rep)

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages anthology (YA, Asexual Rep)

Jughead by Chip Zdarsky and Erica Henderson (YA, Asexual Rep)

Belly Up by Eva Darrows (YA, Demisexual Rep, Grey-Ace Rep)

Rick by Alex Gino (Middle Grade, Asexual Rep)

How To Be a Normal Person by T. J. Klune (Adult, Asexual Rep)

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic (YA, Demisexual Rep)

Upside Down by N. R. Walker (YA, Asexual Rep)

Hazel’s Theory of Evolution by Lisa Jenn Bigelow (Middle Grade, Asexual Rep)

Six Angry Girls by Adrienne Kisner (YA, Asexual Rep)

(will keep updating)

#asexual #aromantic #asexual books #aromantic books #fiction books #book recommendations

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mythoughtsxxblog · 4 years

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A Toxic Mess of Entertainment - Secret Life of the American Teenager

Quarantine Update: I've started rewatching this mess of a show for the 100th time (its so infuriating, I can never not rewatch it 💀). And I've decided to rate the characters on this show because they're just all so......interesting.

Ricky Underwood: A precious angel. His character development was fucking amazing. He deserved the absolute world and was the best parent to his child. Despite his tragic childhood and his lifestyle choices/inner struggles, he really turned his life around for his son and honestly became my favorite character on this show. His relationship with John was the cutest and I absolutely adored him and Amy (when she wasn't being annoying/immature).

Amy Juergens: Oh Amy.....so damn annoying, but likable at times. Honestly after rewatching this show so many times I've come to the conclusion that she may have had postpartum depression. She had the signs and seemed to resent her own child at times. I will say though, she had her good moments. Like when she actually acted like an adult and not a little kid. Also her cute moments with Ricky. And honestly, Shailene playing her made me dislike the character less lol

Ben Boykewich: Where the hell do I start with this piece of shit. He was slightly decent the first season, but my God wtf happened...I mean he is honestly creepy as hell. So obsessive, compulsive, and manipulative. I don't understand how the hell Amy went back and forth with him when the better man, her baby daddy, was right there the whole time. Although he's a little bitch, the storyline with Adrian and their baby killed me. It hurt me the first time I watched it and every other time I've seen it. Other than that though, he can fall in a sewer.

Adrian Lee: When I watched the show as a young teenager, I couldn't stand her, but being older now, I grew to like her. I loved her growth throughout the series, but I'll admit she did have her shitty moments. She made dumb ass mistakes (sleeping with Ben, going back to Ricky all the damn time, etc.), but I'm happy she got her happy ending. After everything she went through, she deserved it. I also loved the way her friendship with Grace evolved.

Grace Bowman: God, this bitch was annoying as hell for a good 3 seasons. She had her good moments, but she was so insufferable. Especially when it came to Jack. The storyline where she thought her having sex killed her dad will forever be the dumbest yet funniest shit ever 💀

Jack Pappus: He was alright I guess. I'm very indifferent on him. He had good and bad moments. His obsession with Grace was extremely annoying.

Ashley Juergens: I had a love/hate relationship with Ashley. I loved when she'd drag Amy when she was acting dumb, but Ashley herself acted dumb at times. She was a know-it-all and that annoyed me because it lowkey reminded me of myself 💀 at times I forgot she was the younger sister cause she was more mature than Amy lol.

George Juergens: Though he has his obvious flaws, I freaking love him. He's hilarious and I honestly think we need a reboot of this show with him and Moose 💀 also I loved his father/daughter relationship with Ashley.

Anne Juergens: Molly Ringwald is an icon. I didn't care for the character, but I love her lol. "Everybody forgot my 16th birthday" ICONIC.

Betty Boykewich: A character that had me dying of laughter most of the time. She honestly gave the show the light hearted humor it needed. Jennifer Coolidge is a legend.

Leo Boykewich: One of the more likeable parents on this show. I loved when he'd tell off Ben for how dumb he was acting which was almost 24/7. I also loved his relationship with Ricky. He treated him like a second son and it was sweet to watch.

Henry and Alice: I absolutely love them. They were the perfect duo that offered comic relief.

Bunny: LOVE HER. I would have loved to work in a butcher shop with her lol.

Lauren and Madison: Annoying as hell and honestly were never true friends to Amy. They couldn't keep shit to themselves and honestly the show would have been just fine without them. They were irrelevant characters to me 🤷‍♀️

Tom Bowman: I really liked his character. He brought a different feel to the show. I love that he wasn't treated differently despite him having down syndrome. I also love when actors with down syndrome are given a chance to shine and the actor really shined.

Some Thoughts:

With how the show ended horribly, I'm happy knowing the producer came out and said that in the end Ricky and John follow Amy to NY and ultimately they get married. I still cannot believe I watched this show for 5 years and the finale happened the way it did. But knowing this little fact keeps me at peace lol

Despite my obvious hatred for Ben, I lowkey wish he and Adrian had worked out. Yes they were, at times, extremely toxic, but I thought they had great chemistry.

Nora was awesome. I wish her character had been around since the first season. Her dynamic with George was entertaining af

Even though I didn't really care for Jack, I loved his and Tom's friendship.

#secret life of the american teenager #tslotat #amy juergens #ricky underwood #shailene woodley

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berryqueerbear · 4 years

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Aquarius ★ Aries ★ Cancer ★ Capricorn ★ Gemini ★ Leo Libra ★ Pisces ★ Sagittarius ★ Scorpio ★ Taurus ★ Virgo

So I went and downloaded 144 sims by other people for this challenge I’m doing. I then mixed them up using a random number generator to decide which Zodiac they would embody. I tried to keep them as close to the originals as possible, I didn’t touch any of their facial features. All I did was Berryify them to fit the story.

Here are the Pisces dads!

Left → Right Up ↓ Down

Amulet (River Fitch by @hula-zombie) Boysenberry (Finnegan Tolbert by @nekomomoiro) Leeloo (Leelo Fontaine by @missrubybird) Meditate (Nora O’ Carroll by @snottiesnot) Moonglow (Pauline Bowman by @aliennooboo) Periwinkle (Mandy Grubbs by @bekindtoyourself-darling) Pistachio (Komei Tellerman by @ice-creamforbreakfast) Reef (Rosemary Reef by @missrubybird) Teal (Nico Dubois by @bekindtoyourself-darling) Thimble (Frankie Button by @madgnomes) Thyme (Tim Harvey by @simmeronnie) Wiggles (Nanika Kaya by @ceomi)

#TS4 #Sims 4 #berryzodiac #100 Little Stars #100LS: Pisces #Teal on Teal BG was a mistake.#oops

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mountainmaven · 4 years

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My Life in Books 2020

I was tagged by the incredible @the-forest-library - thank you!!

(Originated by AnnaBookBel)

Rules: Using only books you have read this year (2020), answer these prompts. Try not to repeat a book title.

In high school I was The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Robert Louis Stevenson)

People might be surprised by I Am the Storm (Karpov Kinrade)

I will never be Starfish (Akemi Dawn Bowman)

My life in lockdown was like American Cozy (Stephanie Pedersen)

My fantasy job is Warrior of the Wild (Tricia Levenseller)

At the end of a long day I need Dance Upon the Air (Nora Roberts)

I hate being The Lost Words (Robert Macfarlane)

Wish I had Mistress of Dragons (Margaret Weiss)

My family reunions are Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Ian Fleming)

At a party you’d find me with The Great Alone (Kristin Hannah)

I’ve never been to Jurassic Park (Michael Crichton)

A happy day includes The Wood (Chelsea Bobulski)

Motto I live by: Shatter the Sky (Rebecca Kim Wells)

On my bucket list is A Holiday by Gaslight (Mimi Matthews)

In my next life, I want to have Essential Zen Habits (Leo Babauta)

I tag @midwestinkdrinker @all-these-paperback-dreams @a-little-book-wormyand anyone else who would like to do this!

#books #about me

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maculategiraffe · 3 years

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I was holding a baby recently and remembering the bit in Remnants where Nora notices Emily recoiling a bit from baby Javi, and wonders why Emily doesn't seem to like babies very much, and I realized they never really had that conversation, and I wrote a ficlet. might post it on ao3 later but here

also obligatory song link:

"Aren't you cold, baby?"

Emily turns her head to see her mother, bundled in a thick wool sweater, but hatless, her hair bright in the moonlight.

"No," she answers, smiling.

She's rarely cold, any more. Even in the dead of winter, the Commonwealth air doesn't chill her the way the dry, electrically clean air of the Institute did, and it doesn't choke her either, like the stale air of the various raiders' dens. The air out here is fresh and alive, it swirls around her, her own breath mingling with the breath of her brothers and sisters, and all of her mother's people, and the trees and grass of the land they live on, and the touch of it on her hands and face is like the touch of someone who loves her. She drinks it in, like the sight of the stars.

Her mother says, "Mind if I sit?"

Emily pats the woolen blanket beside herself, and her mother kneels down, a little creakily, and settles herself next to Emily, drawing her feet up under her.

"Can't sleep?" Emily asks.

"Mmm." Her mother holds out a hand, and Emily takes it, and her mother gives a little gasp, and says, "Oh, your hands are so warm."

Emily lifts her mother's chilly hand to her lips, presses it to her cheek, warming it against her own skin. They sit in comfortable silence for a bit, listening to the night's quiet, the singing of crickets, an occasional barred owl, with its distinctive call: Who cooks for you? is what her mother says they say, the owls.

"I was thinking," her mother says, finally. "About that poem you wrote, for the baby's birthday."

"Oh," says Emily, and feels a warmer flush come to her cheeks. "I-- you know. I know it's a strange present for a baby, but I wanted to give-- something. Something personal."

"It's so beautiful," says her mother, who, Emily suspects, is somewhat biased when it comes to the beauty of Emily's poetry. "And I-- you know, I thought-- I wasn't sure how you'd feel, about-- the baby. A baby. You-- I used to think you didn't like them. Babies."

"I didn't," says Emily.

Her mother nods, leaving space for Emily to say more, or not.

Emily looks at her mother's face, at its scars and creases, the imperfections of well-used human skin, of a woman who dives face first into everything. Into life, and all its damage and beauty. Her mother's face is one of the very few things Emily would rather look at than the clear night sky.

"I used to think--" she begins, and then hesitates. But experience has taught her that it's never a mistake to trust her mother with the truth.

She says, "I thought-- especially after Naveena was born-- I thought about how you'd had a baby, once. And I know you loved him so much."

"So much," says her mother softly.

Emily says, "And I used to think, I used to feel-- jealous, I guess. Because-- I never got to be-- that. Your baby."

"But you are my baby," says her mother, smiling, and Emily smiles back, and says, "But I never got to be so little. Even when you first found me, when I was so skinny, I was too big for you to pick me up."

"I gave you a bottle, though," says her mother, and Emily laughs a little, remembering the bottle's lip at her own parched lips, the unfamiliar liquid on her tongue, how she swallowed obediently, without knowing what she was drinking, her eyes on the scarred, shaved-headed, strangely gentle woman-- What's your name? No? I'm Nora-- and started to feel less sick.

She says, "You gave me everything."

"That's what mothers do," says her mother.

Emily says, "But I felt so guilty. And scared. Before I knew you were my mother."

"I wish you'd never had a minute without knowing you were mine," says her mother.

"But we all did," says Emily. "Even your--" She cuts herself off before saying real. She's real too. They all are. "Your baby. Shaun. Father."

Her mother's breath catches, and Emily squeezes her hand, says, "It wasn't your fault. You know that."

Then, after a little while, she says, "But I used to be-- yes, jealous. Of babies. Because I thought, they never had to wonder if they were loved, or if everything was going to be all right."

Her mother hums soft comprehension.

Emily says, "But now, now that there's a baby I love, I know that's not true. They wonder all the time. Like I said in the poem. Every moment is a question. And everything that happens, or doesn't happen, is an answer. They're piecing the world together, all the time. Just like me."

"And me," says her mother.

"And all of us." Emily kisses her mother's hand again. "And everything we can give them, it all means so much. As much as everything you've given me. I know now."

"I'm glad," says her mother.

The owl calls again, and Emily says, "You should go back inside. Get some sleep."

Her mother doesn't move, and Emily doesn't insist. If her mother were shivering, she would, but she's wrapped up warmly, and the night really isn't that cold. Emily tries to save her protectiveness for when it really matters. They all do, she thinks, for their human mother, and she does the same for them.

"Baby," her mother says, eventually. "Emily, you know-- I couldn't ever have had another baby. If Hancock hadn't been a ghoul, I would have-- I don't know. Done something, to keep myself from-- I couldn't have done it again. Gone through it again. Broken myself-- open-- like that."

She swallows. Emily listens.

"Father gave me Shaun," her mother says, "and I tried-- I was trying-- to be a good mom. Because he thought-- he knew-- I was his mom. So I had to be. The best I could. But it was like, it still felt a little-- sick. The way he was just-- a copy. Of my human son. It wasn't his fault, I knew that, how Father used him to-- trick me, and fuck with my head. And I was trying-- but--"

Emily listens. She remembers, how the little boy flung his arms around the woman's waist, how the woman said, Hey, Shaun. How she sounded tired. From the walk, Y4-15 thought, from the fight. Y4-15 could smell the sweat on her, and the faint coppery tang of dried blood.

Her mother says, "If it hadn't been for you-- Emily--"

Emily isn't afraid of her mother's tears. They fell on her the night she was named, like rain, and rain is another thing she'll never get used to, the miracle of it, falling through the same sky that opens to show her the stars, watering the crops, washing the sweat and dust and blood from her skin. There's so much sky, and all of it a gift.

#nora bowman #how life goes on the way it does #fiction

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booksociety · 4 years

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hey!! can you recommend some books with protagonists that are pan or aro or demi? im looking to do some lgbtq + readings this month and im having trouble finding books with canon protagonists who are pan, aro or demi :(( thank you!

Hi! Here a few books with canon aro or demi representation 😊

Dread Nation (Dread Nation #1) by Justina Ireland (Marisa) [aroace secondary character gets POV chapters in book 2]

I Know Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman [aroace mc]

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann [demi mc]

Loveless by Alice Oseman [aroace mc] *not yet released

Not Your Sidekick (Sidekick Squad #1) by C.B Lee (Mels) [one of the main characters is aroace and book 3 is from her POV]

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (Lu, Cas, Megan, & Chelle) [demi mc]

The Foxhole Court (All for the Game #1) by Nora Sakavic (Marisa & Hazel) [demi mc]

- Alex

#thebanechronicles #answered #*rec #lgbt #alex

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theragnarokd · 7 years

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maculategiraffe

replied to your post

“am i going to now unleash on the world my awful self-indulgent...”

omfg do iiiiit

YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR THIS TRAVESTY

(contains: multiple OCs, ableism, murder, small children who are not harmed, non graphic discussion of bathroom functions. 2.4k and there might still be more)

They were two hours away from Fort Independence when the bushes rustled suspiciously.

There have been reports of raiders in this area. Nora caught Hancock's eye, got a tiny nod in return, and cautiously approached.

She wasn't surprised to see a gun pointing at her. The hand holding it, though, was unexpected: it was shaking so hard that the gun's owner was likelier to hit themselves by accident than to hit Nora.

"Don't come any closer." The gun owner's voice was flat. "We don't want any trouble. Please just leave us alone."

Nora held up her hands. She was pretty sure she could take the gun away without hurting the person in front of her too badly, but it would be better to talk them into putting it down.

Before she could start, another voice piped up. "Mommy, can we go home now?"

Nora looked downward. Sure enough, that was a small child tugging on her mother's pants; the mother, still looking at Nora, was trying to keep the kid behind her, with little success. "Please leave us alone," the mother repeated.

Slowly, hands still held up, Nora sank into a crouch. "I'm not going to hurt either of you," she said, as soothing a tone as she could manage. "I just want to help. Where are you from? Do you need help getting there safely?"

The mother was silent. The child said, insistent, "I wanna go home." In a quieter voice, she added, "I wanna go potty."

Nora met the mother's eyes. "My daughter is just over there," Nora said. "How about she take... what's your name?" she addressed the kid.

The kid chose this moment to hide behind her mother's leg. After a moment, the mother said, "Shelby."

Nora tried to keep her smile soft. "Hi, Shelby. Can I bring my daughter Emily here to meet you?" She looked up at the mother, who finally nodded, holding Shelby behind her like she could be a human shield for her daughter.

To Nora's complete lack of surprise, Emily had Shelby shyly holding her hand within ten minutes, with the mother allowing this. "How about I take you to water the bushes," Emily said, making Shelby giggle, "and my mom and yours can talk a bit?"

Shelby threw her mother one last doubting glance. "Go on," the mother said softly. "Go with her."

Nora waited until they were out of earshot to ask, "So?"

"I was exiled," the woman told her, "because I killed my brother. I drugged him and stabbed him in the neck when he was asleep, and I'm not sorry." She let out a gasping sob, then, and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "But Shelby's only three." She forced the words out, wheezing.

Nora laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. C'mon, you don't have to tell me everything right now. Here, drink some water." She attempted to pass her canteen.

That only got Shelby's mom to bend over double. She was crying so hard she shook with it, but she didn't make a sound until she started speaking again. "I meant to leave her with friends," she said. "But she ran away after me." She took three ragged breaths, stood up and wiped her face, smearing up half-dried blood and dirt. "If you walk a little way away, you can execute me and tell her I said to go with you. Just find somewhere safe for her. She's healthy, I know there's families in the Commonwealth looking to adopt, or in Diamond City--"

"Hey, no," Nora said, alarmed. "I'm not executing anyone right now." Belatedly, it occurred to her to ask, "You know who I am?"

In return she received an unimpressed look. "You're Nora Bowman."

Nora grinned, sheepish. "That I am. Mind telling me your name in return?"

"Cindy," Cindy said, after a short hesitation.

"Nobody's getting executed today," Nora said firmly. "Or, I mean, definitely not in the next hour-- oh, shit, I'm sorry," she said, as Cindy started crying again.

Cindy waved it off, tears still streaming down her face. "Sorry," she said. "I don't think you mean anything bad. I'm just." She swallowed. "Scared about Shelby. Promise me you'll keep her safe? Please."

"Promise," Nora said promptly. She was pretty sure Hancock was side-eyeing her from where he stood, but it's not like he could think she'd say anything else. "And you too. Where are you from?"

That seemed to shock Cindy silent. She blinked several times. "I can't tell you that."

"Okay," Nora said slowly. "You're not a synth by any chance, are you?" Cindy just shook her head; if she was a liar, she was better at it than most of Nora's kids. "Okay. Come with us and we'll sort things out."

A little way away, Emily was listening to a halting story about-- a cat and a hippo? And birthday presents? --and Cindy said, "You sure you want an unrepentant murderess in the place your children live?"

Nora snorted laughter. "My kids," she said with pride, "can take care of themselves."

This statement turned out to be less universal than she thought it'd be only a week later.

X6-88 brought her the news, stone faced. "J3-42 is dead," he said, "and the scientist formerly under her protection wishes to meet with you."

He'd told her to sit down before speaking. Yet another time Nora was glad she listened to her kids. "Shit," she said, with a heavy heart.

She didn't really know J3-42, not at all. Michael and X6 told her some tidbits about her - that she was strong and fierce (like all of Nora's children), that she was loyal (like all of Nora's children). At the time of her death, J3-42 hadn't been comfortable coming under Nora's wing, or bringing her charge there.

Nora wiped her face. If only they'd had more time... but they didn't. "So, why should I listen to the person who probably sat back and let her die?"

For J3's memory, if nothing else. But X6 said, "Dr. Harrington let me know that there is another synth hiding with him. I was not permitted to see this synth, or talk to them."

Nora chewed her lip. "Could be a wild goose chase."

"Undomesticated fowl has never stopped you before," Michael said behind her, and Nora had to stop herself from crying with how grateful she was for his presence.

She stood up, shaky but true. "I'm going to need to be in top form for this," she told Michael.

He answered, "Of course, mother," and opened his arms to hug her.

Whatever was going on with Harrington, he probably wasn't lying about another synth. The voice screaming "No! No! No!" was definitely female, which Harrington wasn't last Nora checked.

When Harrington opened the door to Nora, he was visibly sweaty, malnourished, bags under his eyes that looked like actual bruises. Good, Nora thought, gritting her teeth.

"She's quite intractable, I'm sorry," Harrington said, "and she's been worse ever since poor J3 - hey!" The last word was said to Michael's back as he approached the synth huddled semi-fetal on a chair in the corner.

"K8-99?" Michael said, with something like disbelief.

K8 raised her eyes at him. She was small and dark, with her short hair in cloudy fluffy curls. "X9-21?" she said, uncertain.

"That was my name," Michael said. "I prefer to be called Michael now." He gestured at Nora. "This is Nora Bowman. She's the General of the Minutemen, and Father's heir. She wants to help you, and so do I." K8 listened to this unblinking. "Were you yelling? Can we help?"

K8 huddled tighter, and said something Nora couldn't make out.

"I don't see a reason you should have to do that right now," Michael said. "Is this something you have difficulty doing?"

"That and everything else," Harrington said crossly.

The look Michael gave him like a laser beam. His voice was utterly polite when he said, "I wasn't asking you."

"I have difficulties in many tasks." K8 was audible, just barely. "I need help using the restroom. I can't touch anything dirty. If commanded to do so, I-- malfunction."

"You don't have to," Nora said, the words rushing out of it. "You don't have to do anything that hurts you, okay?"

K8 turned her eyes on Nora. "I do have to," she said, as if correcting a small factual error. "I have to use the restroom, and I can't do that by myself."

"So, someone can help you," Nora said. "Who did it until now, Dr. Harrington?"

"Every since we lost J3-42," K8 said softly.

"Are you comfortable receiving help from him?" Nora asked. K8 nodded. "I don't see a problem."

"I'm a man of science," Harrington said tightly. "You can't reduce me to a wet nurse."

It was an effort not to pin him to the wall by the throat. Instead, Nora smiled very brightly and said, "I can do lots of things, Dr. Harrington. You'd be surprised how few things I can't do, actually."

Harrington got the point and fell into grumpy silence.

With the same bright smile, Nora said, "So, is everything settled? You guys are coming? Can we go home now?"

K8 looked at Michael. "Can I have a name, too?"

Nora beamed. "Of course. Which one do you want?"

"Katherine," she said promptly.

Nora approached for a hug before she could think better; but after only a brief hesitation, Katherine hugged her. It was stiff and gingerly, but Nora was pretty sure it was genuine. "I'm so glad to meet you, Katherine," she said, choked up.

"I'm glad to meet you too," Katherine said. "Apparently I can hug some people, that's good to know." She sounded like she was noting a curious fact.

"That's great," Nora said, whole-heartedly, and hugged Katherine some more.

It took less than a week for Harrington to make a nuisance of himself. Nora couldn't say she was surprised, but she did wish it could have taken longer for the shit to hit the fan.

"This is preposterous," Harrington yelled. Katherine had backed into a corner, mouth drawn into a stiff line. "You're acting like a child!"

"I can't," Katherine said. Those were the only words she'd said in the last ten minutes.

Harrington turned to Nora; if he was looking for sympathy, he wasn't going to find any here. "Please stop encouraging her. How do you think she'll ever get better if you don't--" He apparently caught on to Nora's fury and abruptly changed tactics. "Be reasonable. What if something happens to me? Without me, who's going to," he grimaced, "care for her? Are you going to do it?"

A voice came in from the doorway. "I could do it."

Nora looked up. It was Cindy; Nora wasn't certain, but that may have been the first thing Cindy said to her since arriving at the Fort. Nora had been busy, and every time she caught a glimpse of Cindy she'd had her hands full of various crops and a three year old.

Cindy was looking straight at Katherine. "What kind of help do you need?"

Katherine pointed at the fork she'd dropped on the floor. "I can't pick it up." Her voice shook. She yelped when Cindy bent and grabbed the fork. "Don't bring it near me!"

"Not bringing it near you." Cindy's voice was steady and calm. "What do you need me to do?"

Katherine took several deep breaths. "Wash it with soap. And your hands, too. I won't look. Then give it to me."

Harrington burst out with, "This is insane."

Katherine stared at him with wide eyes. "Did you just notice that? Then what was all that research about?"

Nora spun around to stare at Harrington as well. "Yeah, how about we discuss that. What research?"

It wasn't hard to figure out that Katherine had some species of OCD: Nora didn't know much about mental illness, but all the hand washing was kind of a dead giveaway. She didn't know synths could have that. Apparently, neither did the Institute: Michael told her he'd thought Katherine had been destroyed as a defective specimen.

The ugly ramifications of what the Institute might have done to her instead were too easy to imagine.

Harrington flushed. "I protected you," he told Katherine. "Remember that. The others would have wiped you, at the very least left you to die."

Katherine looked down. "I know."

"So what?" Cindy's voice was high and sharp. "Gee, thanks a lot, how nice of you not to kill someone who depended on you. Real sweet of you."

Harrington gave her an incredulous look. "Do you know what I've done for her? I've bathed her when she soiled herself. I've--"

"Yeah, I raised a baby," Cindy said, before Nora could burst into flames of sheer fury. "You're not going to make me think you're a saint because you helped someone with bathroom stuff. Also, bringing it up like that is super shitty."

There was a stiff silence, which Katherine broke by chuckling.

"What?" Cindy said, wary.

"Shitty," Katherine repeated. Then she flushed. "I'm sorry."

Cindy smiled at her. "What for? You're not the one making unintentionally terrible puns." She turned back to Harrington and the smile fell off her face. "She's not a child, and maybe she wasn't born, but nobody asked her if she wanted to be made. You're the one who had a choice, you deal with it."

Harrington stormed off in a huff. Cindy looked at Katherine, then looked at Nora. "Uh, sorry?"

Katherine took a step forward towards Cindy. "That was the bravest thing I've ever seen, and I want to hug you now."

Cindy's face blanked and she started crying. Even as Katherine retreated in alarm, Cindy waved her hands. "I'm fine, you didn't say anything wrong." She sniffled. "Sorry. I don't know, I start crying when people are nice to me."

"You've cried every time I talked to you so far," Nora said, alarmed. "Are you calling me nice?" Cindy looked at Nora and started sobbing harder, clutching herself. Nora raised her hands and stepped back. "Sorry! I'm sorry I said anything!"

Cindy stood up. "I'd like you to hug me," she told Katherine, "if I'm, uh, not too gross."

Katherine hugged her without another word.

"You too seem to be doing okay," Nora said, feeling unnecessary and extremely proud. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Cindy, still crying, gave her a thumbs up. After a moment, Katherine copied her.

#maculategiraffe #i post #fallout 4 fanfic #nora bowman #my fic

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