#nor can i make an appointment with them to figure it out until my insurance is cleared up (IF it is and the accept it in the first place)

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

I'm going to throw myself off a bridge

[theotherjourney7]

“Imagine this

You wake up in bed with your partner, your little ones are asleep in their bedrooms. It’s 3am. You hear a noise downstairs. It sounds like a scraping and a scuffling.

You realise it’s someone either trying to get into your house, or someone is in your house.

You nudge your partner. “Do you hear that?” Your partner is drowsy and says no. You say “listen”.

Your adrenaline is pumping. Your first thought is for the kids, your second is how to arm yourself in case they come upstairs. Your third is telling yourself this can’t be real.

The scuffling and scraping stops. You hear footsteps. Then the front door slams. Have they gone?

Your partner is alert now and both of you are on your feet, the lights are on. Your partner goes to check on the children, they are both asleep.

You go downstairs. It’s a mess.

They’ve got in somehow, they have ransacked your kitchen drawers and gone through the living room.

It takes a while to figure out what is missing. Then you notice the drive is empty.

A handbag and contents are missing.

Some items have gone from the living room.

A games console, your child’s school bag, some sports equipment, an iPhone, a laptop. All taken. You phone 999.

The operator connects you to the police.

The kids wake up and are sitting on the stairs. The little one is crying.

“Have the offenders gone?” The operator asks.

“Yes. With the car.”

“Are you sure there is no one in the house?”

“Yes they’ve taken our stuff and gone in our car”

“I’m sorry but we can’t get anyone out to you right now, we will send someone out as soon as possible.”

Your partner is shaking. No one feels safe in the house, what if the burglars come back? You can’t work out which keys are missing. Can you tidy the house up or is it a crime scene?

“CSI will come out later on, try not to touch potential points of entry & footprints”

Later on. But later becomes later and later. You’re all left in the house alone, wondering when help will come. At 4pm CSI come and go, but the police don’t attend. The next day a police officer calls to make an appointment to take your statement. By this time, you have changed the locks and called your insurance company.

You don’t feel like you want to live in your house anymore.

“Do you have any CCTV? If we don’t get anything back from forensics and there’s no CCTV you need to be prepared for this to be unresolved.”

At least she’s honest, you think to yourself. You wondered what you’d been expecting.

Blue lights racing up your drive? Door to door witness enquiries of neighbours? Local CCTV checks? A reassuring immediate presence in your hour of terror? Maybe even a local patrol picking up your car as it sped away. ANPR enquiries....? Any of that.

“Did you have Find My iPhone activated?” The police officer asks you.

“Have you tried calling your local cash converters to see if your things are there?”

What is this, DIY policing?

Then, remarkably, 2 months later you get a phone call. CSI found a fingerprint and it matched to that of a local burglar, who has been arrested. BRILLIANT, you think. We may even get our stuff back.

The officer informs you that you won’t get any of your stuff back.

The suspected burglar has been released under investigation.

This is like bail, but isn’t bail, they say. It just means he’s gone home while the case is left to be worked on.

He had been interviewed, and he told the officers that he used to fit windows.

Because the only fingerprint was on the outside of the house on a windowsill, the police need time to check when the windows were installed and by whom, and whether he worked for the companies involved.

“OK, how long will that take?” You ask

The answer is fairly non-committal. Weeks pass, weeks turn into months. 9 months later you call for an update. He still hasn’t been charged. The first company came back with a statement, but the police haven’t taken a further statement from you about when you moved in and whether the windows had been installed since then, how often they were cleaned.

9 months become 14. You move home, unable to sleep. The children were having nightmares about “the bad men” coming back; the youngest was bed-wetting.

You can’t tell them the men have been caught.

The car was eventually found but it had been crashed and was written off. The police said they couldn’t recover any evidence from inside it. You don’t know if they tried or not, nor how long it had been left crashed and abandoned.

Eventually the police tell you that they have released their suspect without charging him, because someone else accepted responsibility for the burglary in an offence that was Taken Into Consideration. The police explain this means they confessed to it as part of a deal.

You aren’t told who the person was.

4 years later, you get a phone call. “We think we’ve found your laptop, would you like to come to the station to identify it and collect it?”

Bloody hell, you think to yourself. OK.

“It was in a room in a house with 300 stolen laptops”

You go along to the station. It isn’t your laptop. You go home.

Variations of this experience are now common in respect of household burglaries across England and Wales. It is not the police’s fault. They WANT to do more for you. They WANT to rush up your drive the moment you call 999. They WANT to hare after thieves and burglars in your car.

Sometimes, but only because of sheer luck, they are resourced sufficiently on a particular day to be able to respond.

Most of the time though, they are not.

I prosecute and defend burglaries all the time. A lot of the time, CSI don’t attend at all.

In one case I prosecuted, a PC put in so many hours the crime was solved and a burglar prosecuted and convicted at Crown Court within 4 months.

That case was so rare I tweeted about

it at the time. It would be wonderful if the police could devote sufficient resources to make people feel safe in their homes.

It would be wonderful if officers could police as they did in the ‘old’ days, going around giving preventative advice about home security.

So all I say is this.

Thanks for the offer of £16bn for defence spending in space Boris, but until people can sleep soundly in their beds on the ground, you’re missing The Big Picture in respect of what is needed in this country.

Fund Police

Fund Courts

Fund CPS

Fund Legal Aid

Without this funding, on the rare occasions when burglars are arrested and charged, it is taking YEARS for their cases to be heard in Court.

This is *not* justice for those families who have been burgled, and it isn’t justice for those accused of burglary either.

It means potential burglars have the opportunities to commit many more offences, it means criminals are quite literally “getting away with it”.

And the delay means that when the minority who are convicted are sentenced, they receive much shorter sentences for their crimes.

I’ve prosecuted burglaries

I’ve defended burglars

I’ve defended people who’ve been found not guilty of burglaries

I’ve had my own home burgled

I’ve directly or indirectly experienced everything I have written is the truth.”-Crime Girl

[mytransvoice]

5/15/20

Hello again, here’s an update on my voice evaluation with the speech language pathologist I was referred to.

Before I go into details, let me just say the whole trip was disappointing for me. It might not be how everyone else interprets it, but I personally was underwhelmed and hoped for more.

Let’s start with what factually happened, and then I’ll go over my feelings on everything later.

What happened:

- I boarded a flight to LAX from SEATAC around 7 AM. We got into LAX at about 10 AM.

- I took a shuttle from LAX to their ride app (Uber and Lyft) pick-up lot and took a Lyft to the Peter Morten building at the UCLA medical plaza in Los Angeles. This is the building where my surgeon and the SLP operate.

- My appointment was at 3:30 PM, so I had a lot of time to kill. I went into the building where they asked me if I had any symptoms of COVID-19 and then took my temperature. Then I found the office I needed to go to, speech therapy on the 5th floor. 

- I went to a City Target nearby and got lunch and then I walked back to the Peter Morten building and ate it on a bench outside. Then, I walked to a botanical garden nearby and spent an hour and a half there just waiting.

- I walked back to UCLA and checked in by calling from outside the office first. 

- When it was time, I met the speech pathologist and went back into her office. She showed me a powerpoint she made about trans voices and figured out what my vocal range was by having me try my best to sing “Ooo” to keys she played on a piano app on her iPad. We briefly went over what I should be doing to practice a deeper voice.

- The session was an hour long and for the evaluation cost me $137, I got a 40% discount for paying in person.

- I went back to LAX and flew home.

Now, my feelings about everything. I’ll speak only about the voice evaluation, since it’s already obvious that navigating airports and walking around LA trying to kill time was shitty because of the current pandemic.

- I didn’t learn anything new. I’ve done extensive research about my voice and trans voices and didn’t hear any new information from the SLP.

- The SLP didn't take the time to get to know me. She didn't ask about my transition, my voice dysphoria, nothing. She basically filled out a form for my name, preferred pronouns, and then a silly question about my hobbies which has nothing to do with my voice (except gaming, which gives me a lot of dysphoria because I can't use voice chat on multiplayer games without getting misgendered).

- She told me that if I increased my T dosage, my voice would get deeper. Yes, even after being on T for 5 years. Not to mention the fact that her telling me this is medically irresponsible. I’ll just tell you guys now that experiencing a natural drop, like the “T cold” ones that every trans man experiences 3-5 months to a year after starting T, is impossible for me now. It started to become an impossibility after my first year on T and became completely out of the realm of possibility after my second year. I know this, my endocrinologist knows this, the SLP does not know this. When I expressed my skepticism, she said “you really think your voice won’t get deeper even after this long?” like it was an issue of lack of hope on my part. No, I just know it can’t happen naturally anymore. Sure, voice deepening with age is a thing for everyone, cis or trans, but I’m not waiting until I’m 60 years-old to finally sound like a 27 year-old man.

- The SLP explained to me that cis males get deeper voices during puberty if their T is higher, which corresponds to the fact that trans males who start out on lower doses of T tend to not have as dramatic voice drops as trans males who start out at a higher dose. I started out at 0.2mg but have friends who immediately started out at 0.5mg and developed deeper voices than I have now just after 3-5 months of starting T. I already knew this before she told me, but I thought I’d include it here just to educate anyone reading this.

- The SLP included a slide about vocal surgery as a means of changing voice for trans women in her powerpoint, but not one for trans men. The only slide she made as a means of changing voice for trans men was hormones. So if your voice didn’t get deeper with hormones, I guess you’re shit out of luck? The only reason I’m working with her in the first place is because I’m pursuing voice surgery. With a surgeon who works in the same building as her. I’m asking myself why she’s blatantly ignoring a possible means to change trans male voices. I feel she may have a personal bias against it, which I know sounds odd

- When I asked her how she decides how many sessions patients have with her before surgery, she told me it depends on how happy I am with my results. But she also kept pushing that I should stay in LA for 3-5 days and have two sessions every day. If it really is up to me, I don’t want any voice therapy sessions. I’m extremely unhappy especially after this evaluation. I don’t want to fly down and stay in LA during a pandemic and risk my life. Also, each hour-long therapy session costs $480 and I'm not throwing $5000+ at something that isn't working for me. This is something I’ll be calling about on Monday, I want a clear answer on what is required of me before I can get a surgery date. I’m sure there is a required amount of voice therapy sessions before we can even think about a possible surgery date, but neither the surgeon nor the SLP will be clear with me about it.

- No one told the SLP that I was paying out of pocket. She assumed she would be billing insurance. When I told her about this, she assured me that she doesn’t get my money directly so she wasn’t pushing the 3-5 day bootcamp therapy session idea to me because of that.

- She had me doing this voice (produced by lowering my larynx as if I’m about to yawn, which she agreed was the correct technique): https://clyp.it/2iuioklb that I’ve already tried practicing with for a number of months which ended up not working for me. When I expressed to her that I feel like it sounds and feels fake, like I’m just doing a “macho man” impression and that it doesn’t sound like a natural male voice, she wasn’t having it. She wouldn’t stop pushing it until I finally agreed with her that I liked how it felt and sounded (I still don’t). She wouldn’t listen to me and didn’t want to adjust her techniques to fit my concerns.

- The only thing she said that made me feel a little relieved was she pointed out that it appears that my higher range has been cut off but my lower range didn’t budge. I’ve pointed this out to friends and family before and I guess it felt good for a professional to say it to me. 

- I felt the SLP was undereducated about the subject she was tackling with me. It was clear she wasn’t open to the idea of learning from me, and that she’s never worked with a patient like me before. I’m sure I’ve been on T longer and I’m older than her previous trans masc patients. She treated me like a child, like she was the only one who knew what I wanted. 

I’m sure she has helped other trans masc patients before, enough to where they ended up not pursuing voice surgery, but she didn’t help me and I will definitely keep pursuing surgery. I’m extremely disappointed and I don’t want to work with any of UCLA’s SLPs anymore. It kind of feels like I'm trying to get a nose job done and the surgeon wants me to hire a masseuse to massage my nose several times over the course of a week in the hopes it'll just get smaller on its own. Voice therapy isn't going to work for me and I want a surgery date.

I’ll be updating again after I make a call to the voice therapy department, and the SLP herself, to let them know I’m unhappy and want a clear answer on what is required of me to get a surgery date.

Until then, stay safe and keep your head up.

[ajroyalty68]

Withdrawal Part Two

So, both because I can really only talk to a few people in my life about this and because no one is likely to read this, I’m gonna go ahead and rant for a minute.

When I was diagnosed with depression in my sophomore year of high school, I was prescribed (after trying five or six other meds first) Venlafaxine (brand name, Effexor). Right up front, my doctor shared that it had been nicknamed by health professionals “Side Effexor” and to let him know if I couldn’t handle the side effects that would happen. He didn’t say “might” happen, he said, “would”. The side effects did suck, but after trying so many other meds that either didn’t help at all or made my depression worse, I was willing to stick it out. 

A few years later my diagnosis was amended to bipolar depression, and although another medication (Oxcarbazepine), was added, the fact that the Effexor was still working for me led my psychologist to suggest I keep taking my original meds as well. At this point, I was warned about the near certainty of debilitating withdrawal if for any point I was to stop taking the Venlafaxine. 

Less than a year later, I lost my health insurance and found out that one month of medications would be over $1000 without it. The withdrawal was brutal, but since I was also dealing with another million (or so it seemed) life issues on top of it, I didn’t realize how much of my miserable condition was caused by withdrawal.

Fast forward to last week, when I made an inexcusably stupid mistake. Right after picking up my Effexor, I cleaned out my car in the Kroger parking lot. As you may have already guessed, my medication made it into the trash can by accident. I attempted to get a new prescription (knowing that I would have to pay the cash price) but was basically ignored by my current primary care physician (don’t worry, I already have an appointment with a new PCP, this isn’t the first time they’ve made it hard for me to get medical help and I’m sick of it) and was unable to get a new refill.

Long story short, I knew I was about to go through withdrawal again, but having been through that sort of situation while my life was already falling apart a little bit, I figured it would be a lot easier now that I had a good support system and was honestly discussing my problems with my best friend (my grandma). And that is helping. A LOT. I cannot express how grateful I am to her and my current situation. 

But here comes the withdrawal portion of the rant. I’m basically just going to list complaints about my withdrawal symptoms and the rest of the post may be even more tiresome and incomprehensible than the beginning. You have been warned.

I am always cold. I have always been like this, and I’m used to it. But when I am huddled under a couple of thick blankets wearing a jacket using my dog as a heater and I’m still shivering so hard I have trouble answering my grandma because my teeth are chattering, that’s a little much. And that’s just at home. Earlier today at work, while on the phone with another bookstore, they actually asked if our heater was out. Because they could hear my teeth chattering.

Now for the opposite. Something I didn’t have to deal with the first time I went through withdrawal with these meds: HOT FLASHES!... Or at least I don’t remember them happening before. As I mentioned, I’m always cold. And the highest the temperature has been here for the past several days is around 40 degrees Fahrenheit, so the shivering has been easy to pass off as nothing. But when I feel like I’m gonna pass out until I strip down to my bra and hang out in the garage for a bit, that’s a little harder to explain. NOTE: I have been able to resist stripping in my classes and at work, but sometimes it’s been difficult to hold out!

Another fun thing is the shaking. Not just the shivering, but when my hands shake so violently that I have to stop doing homework. To be fair, I have a natural tremor. I literally cannot remember life without one, and it’s noticeable enough that at least once a week a stranger will remark on it. I often hear, “Are you nervous? I don’t bite!” HAHA! YOU’RE SO FUNNY!

I’m sick to my stomach all the time. I haven’t been eating much (which doesn’t help the shaking) because I keep thinking I’ll throw up if I do. I finally realized today that it’s pretty much here to stay for the near future and eating neither helps nor harms the level of nausea, so I’ve just been making friends with Pepto Bismal to negligible results.

I CAN’T STOP SLEEPING. Yes, I’m exhausted, but I also keep having to huddle up in bed in an attempt to keep warm and fall asleep in the process. Again, not conducive to homework or personal life. Shout out to having a grandma who went through an addiction to prescription drugs and understands what I’m dealing with.

Finally, I feel INSANE because I know, as soon as I get a new prescription, I’ll be beelining it to Kroger to get more meds. I hate my dependency, but I find it incredibly difficult to be a productive member of society who can avoid suicide attempts without it. I am more than willing to try alternatives and would love to find a non-medicated method of dealing with my mental illness, but at this point in time, I know I’m not strong enough to deal with my chemical imbalances without prescription drugs.

Thank you, Tumblr for letting me rant, and I apologize to anyone who may actually read this.

[fatenista]

Welcome to the World my dearest son. Nadashi Siripatana, was born on Saturday February, 1st, 2020 Sydney, Australia. 

Let’s throwback a bit before it all began. I remember by the time we got here in early of May 2019, we were getting settled, adjusting new daily routines and managing our lives in all perspectives. From getting a cozy home to choosing the good-enough private health insurance. After we got all these and felt quite settled with our (financial) situation, I realize I was late. Before we did the test, we were pretty okay and not panicked if we were to expect another child. We were mentally ready and I was physically ready to deal with pregnancy again. Except, $$$ that we were quite worried. But Alhumdullilah, it was manageable. Of course, unlike in Saudi, we were insured. But here, a day after we got insurance, we knew we were expecting. I called my insurance company and unfortunately, they only cover birth & pregnancy after 12-month of waiting period. In Saudi we had BUPA insurance, in here they also got BUPA but the coverage is not the same as in Saudi. In Saudi, I got there less than 3 months and pregnancy & birth was fully covered. (How we missed Middle East lol) After that, I couldn’t wait to find out. So off we went to Royal Hospital for Women (10 mins walk from our house) and set appointment to meet with the midwife in my 14th week. If you have a normal pregnancy here, you will not meet your midwife and your GP (from any clinic of your choice). The OB-GYN doctors are for high risk pregnancy only, it makes sense. My whole pregnancy check-up, I managed to meet GP twice and 5 times with my midwife. 

After we been living here for almost a year, Australia work and life balance is at its best. Most people I know or talked to, works 3 days a week at office and the rest work from home or not working at all. This way, both parents got to spend time with kids not only on weekend but also on weekdays. No wonder when I first came here and brought Insha to the park, there are some dads who brought kids to playground and do all mom’s jobs. It’s a new normal for us. I was also surprised knowing that the nurses at the hospital works 3 days a week only and with total of 36 hours a week. Isn’t that great? 

Nadashi at 20th week ultrasound

With this pregnancy, I was craving for all the sweets and chocolate mousse in the first half of my human-incubation period. Until I had my sugar tested and surprise surprise! I had pregger diabetes (GDM;Gestational Diabetes Mellitus) and I had to stop all sweets, no white rice nor white bread, control my diet and lots of walk and prenatal yoga. My midwife appointed me to meet with the group for women with GDM and really, Australia has a very impressive health care system. You will feel that they really care about you. They don’t want you risking by having a too-large baby and ended up with C-section. Ahh, I don’t want it too. So I was extra careful with my diet though it was such a torture to not eat what I craved for when pregnant. 

12-hour before getting into labour!

Birth time! Insha was born right on her due date at 40 weeks, so I didn’t expect Nadashi to want to come out earlier than week 39th. A day before I was in labour, we went downtown Sydney and I was walking like I’m still far from baring child. But walking a lot also naturally induce the labour. 

At 6am in the morning next day (Feb, 1st), I was lying in bed after a constant trips to the toilet. I felt my water broke and then contraction started literally 3-5 minutes apart (already? I thought it’d start at every 20 minutes or 10 at first but 3-5 mins right away). I kid myself that ‘Nuhh, not yet. I’m too sleepy to be in labour now” I was sure that it wasn’t Braxton hicks because it was repeated and also hurt like hell. I decided to wait to see another 30 minutes and it was the same. Oh man! he’s coming, he’s really coming!

Then I called “Delivery Suit” at hospital and explained my situation. They asked me to take hot shower and have breakfast and then come to the hospital. So I did, but I couldn’t eat because the contraction got stronger and more painful that it hurts like my pelvis being crushed by a tractor. I woke Adil and Insha, “We need to go to hospital now. Nadashi is coming” .. my last-day-only-child then said “It’s February already?” Haha, yep, she knew Nadashi will come in February. We walked to hospital. It was 8am. when we were walking I had like 5-6 contractions along the way. Ain’t I crazy. 

Delivery Suit

Delivery Suit

At hospital (8am), Delivery Suit. One of the on-duty midwife (Kim) welcomed me right at the door. Everything felt so calm and quiet. Kim brought me straight to our delivery room. A spacious purple room, big windows that we could see UNSW, bathroom attached, birthing ball and fully quipped suit for delivery. I wasn’t ready to be honest with all the birth thing (again) but at the same time, I also couldn’t wait to meet my new lover.

    I had Kim and Nicole assisted me at the first stage of getting into labour. That time I was wondering how far along was my dilation because I needed the most magical thing in my life, Epidural. I asked Kim that I need an epidural and she checked I was 3cm. dilated. With Insha, I had epi at 5cm. which is good timing not too early and not too late. But with the 2nd birth, I figured it dilated quicker so I decided to have it asap. Of course, there’s lot of consent to be made due to the possible (1 in 10) side effects. I consent, I consent, I consent. I couldn’t stand any more pain from this. It crushed me. I thought I could do better this time round, but no, it’s such a trauma to feel it again. I cried few times to be honest. How can women, other women, handle this pain without any drugs? You really are super super human. 

 Delivery SuitI had Kim and Nicole assisted me at the first stage of getting into labour. That time I was wondering how far along was my dilation because I needed the most magical thing in my life, Epidural. I asked Kim that I need an epidural and she checked I was 3cm. dilated. With Insha, I had epi at 5cm. which is good timing not too early and not too late. But with the 2nd birth, I figured it dilated quicker so I decided to have it asap. Of course, there’s lot of consent to be made due to the possible (1 in 10) side effects. I consent, I consent, I consent. I couldn’t stand any more pain from this. It crushed me. I thought I could do better this time round, but no, it’s such a trauma to feel it again. I cried few times to be honest. How can women, other women, handle this pain without any drugs? You really are super super human. 

Finally! Epidural time

At around 10am, the anesthesiologist came. She brought papers with her and explained everything to me (exactly like in Saudi) and I consent to every words said. Only this time round, the procedure is quite different. And I must say, it is better than the Saudi one. The one I had in Saudi was all at once injection. The needle was 4 inches long and really thick one stuck into my spine. My lower body felt all numb after that in less than 2 minutes and I couldn’t even lift my legs. It was amazing to not feel any labour pain at all but I think it’s better to at least feel something without any pain.

Here, they connected the epidural tube on the built-in wall and attached some needle to my back. I don’t remember where exactly but there was something like a locket hanging on my shoulder which passed epidural into me every 20-40 minutes. Every time it kicked in, it felt chilly a bit. At first, I felt no contraction pain but a bit of pressure at my bottom (bearable) and then the other was feeling a bit like small menstrual cramp. Anyway, epidural delayed delivery time. So from 10am, I was scrolling my phone, chatting, netflixing, and was napping till around 3pm. then Kim came in and said that looking from heart rate and other things (from machine) I was almost 10cm dilated. We should get ready to have little bub come out around 3.45pm or so. How exciting! Adil and Insha went out to the playground and came back once I told them we’re so ready for Nadashi! 

“Okayy, you’re contracting now, PUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Kim asked me to have our first push. I did feel small cramp which without epidural, I would feeling being struck by a train and cut myself in 2, literally dying. We tried several times and I took so many deep breathes but Nadashi and my body did not cooperate well. We tried for like 20 mins or so and unsuccessful but baby was still happy not in distress. Then, we needed doctor to come and see the situation. He said that the baby’s head is down and he was curling to the side. His spine was on the side when it supposed to be against your tummy. So, he re-positioned the baby. (Imagine, putting all hand inside the move him from the inside. Oh lord. I felt nothing only pressure without pain while he changed his position. I was exhausted from all the pushing (many times) almost an hour later, doc said, okay, if it’s not coming out this time, we might need to cut lil’bit. I was thinking .. no way. okay, i’ll be pushing all my energy out now so I don’t need that cut just to let him out, nooooo!” This time, I did pushed really hard and I could feel the ball shape was coming out then deep breathe and that long push from the body and then deep breathe that last push till all body parts are out! Like I mentioned, my lower part wasn’t all numb it just no pain from contraction, so I could feel the baby human was coming out. It’s still a trauma. really big trauma. I can’t . I don’t want to do it anymore but maybe one more .. after I saw him for the first time and fell in love all over again. Alhumdullilah for everything. At 4.42pm. healthy baby boy, weight 3.2kg, 52cm in length. was finally out into the world. 

In Australia, normally if you have normal child delivery and there’s no complication, you can leave hospital after 6 hours of delivery. I had to stay at least 48 hours because during pregnancy I had GDM so they had to monitor baby’s sugar level. Me and Nadashi spent one night in the hospital and I asked the nurse if we could go home next day because after 24 hours checking his blood pricking test, it was all fine and if I have to,I can prick him at home. I also told the nurse frankly that we’re not covered by insurance so within the deposit limit, I’d prefer to stay one night only. Then she said, the Pediatrician will come check Nadashi and she’ll see if we could go home. Alhumdulillah, all is well so we all went home on the 2nd evening. 

   Alhumdulillah, all is well and it’s time to go home!

   Not only great service from Royal Hospital for Women, we also got NSW Baby Bundle full of baby essentials! (worth of $300); Baby playmat, first aid, room temperature indicator, baby Australian books, nappy cream, hand sanitizer, changing mat, baby swaddle, baby sleeping bag, baby milestones card, breast-pad, diaper bag.

Once we’re home, my personal midwife who I’ve visited during prenatal check-up come visit us at home. One day after deliver and the other 2 days during first week post-delivery. Overall, to check my health and baby’s. Checking baby’s weight, baby jaundice, checking on how he latch, checking my recovery etc.

   After few days home, hospital also contacted us to have a heading test for Nadashi. 

    I’m not sure if Nadashi is a good baby or it’s just my biological clock that got used to the wake up in middle of night. But he could sleep longer than Insha as far as I remember. Insha was every 2 hours and Nadashi sleeps 3-5 hours. I even had few dreams before I woke up and realized that I’m a newborn mom, I have to wake him up to feed now. He’s just a deep sleeper! 

   Thanks for reading about my first week of life. I hope you all have a blessing days ahead.

How much it cost for out-patient delivery cost (For temporary research activity visa 408); 

Midwife consulting A$147 (6 visits) 

GP visit A$90 and A$60 (twice) 

Ultrasound at week 20th A$270 

Blood test and glucose testing was covered by our private insurance 

Delivery package (A night stay) A$1,383 

GDM consult A$77

*The hospital required us to pay deposit of $6,000 2-month before month of admission. 

 You Are My Sonshine, Nadashi Welcome to the World my dearest son. Nadashi Siripatana, was born on Saturday February, 1st, 2020 Sydney, Australia. 

[aiden-png]

On Starting T

10/22/19

I don’t really do journals or blogs or talk about my personal life much to be honest. I don’t share much online anymore because I don’t know most of the people who follow me, and some who do I don’t feel comfortable being candid with. However, I think it’s important that I document my feelings and experiences through my transition for others so they can have the info I didn’t going in.

Today I started T. I’m on .2 mgs every week, so .4 mgs biweekly when I inject. I’ve been trying to get on T for over a year and have wanted to start since I was 16. Last year I could’ve gotten on with help from my college but I couldn’t afford the $75 blood tests out the gate to do so. I moved to a new school this year and I’m very happy but the things in place here for trans folk are far less.

I got a referral to my clinic early in September via the health center at my college and went to see them right away. They don’t do informed consent so I needed to attain a referral letter from a “mental health professional” saying I was fit to make the decision, had gender dysphoria, and should be placed on hormone therapy.

It took 5 weeks to get this letter.

I tried to go through case management at my school because by the end of September counseling slots had filled entirely until late October. The case manager met with me quickly and promised the letter by the end of that week. Then communication cut off. With persistence I finally got the letter and made an appointment at the clinic for the next business day.

I was able to get on a low dose of testosterone by request and explanation. It’s always been difficult to explain what I’m looking for from my transition, as I’m not a binary trans person. My gender doesn’t exist, hence the Neutrois label, but my experience of having no gender is complex to lay out for cis het folks.

I’ve been out as Neutrois, using the name Aiden and they/them pronouns for 4.5 years now (and the name Aiden has been legal for over 1 year too!) but most are slow to adapt to this change. My name is pretty much respected but my pronouns aren’t “real” and many choose to ignore my preference entirely and just call it like they see it—female. My whole goal of transition is to change this perception, and not just how others see me, but how I see myself. I can’t explain what I want to see in the mirror when I’ve completed my transition. I don’t have terrible dysphoria anymore because I managed it with my depression and anxiety and now it’s simply a dull ache I can ignore 90% of the time. But that other 10% I try very hard to forget about, and so I can’t explain how masculine is too masculine to others. I figure I’ll find out as I slowly crawl into that territory.

I’d be happy to stay on T for years. I might find I never hit the point I think is too far into the male binary, that may not actually exist. It’s how I see myself that matters. I’d be far happier being called Sir 9/10 than being called Ma’am. I’m only certain of a few things, like how I want my voice to pass as male over the phone, and how I want to still look masculine enough when wearing feminine clothing that I’ll hear both Sir and Ma’am.

The terminology and phrases that make up our language are still very binary, with Mx. still rarely used and no inbetween available for third or agender folk. I wouldn’t want to be called a mother or a father, I’m not really a boyfriend and certainly not a girlfriend, I’m not a niece, I’m not an aunt, but I don’t want to be a nephew or uncle really either. I ask my sisters to call me their oldest sibling, but I know it’s hard to change the words society drills into you. Just like my distant relatives I see very rarely still don’t call me Aiden, just like most people don’t use my pronouns or even call me he/him.

I have a hard time being assertive with the people I love. I want my transition to help me love how I look, because I love myself but it’s hard to accept the things I see in the mirror when I’m never satisfied with how I look. Maybe when my voice has dropped and I’ve grown taller and stronger and more masculine I will finally shift in their perception enough to change their thinking. I hope one day I will tick over into neither male nor female enough that people find themselves using they/them simply because they can’t figure out what box to put me in.

As long as there are only 2 boxes I will always aim to fall between. I don’t aim to fit into a binary concept of gender.

When I got my prescription for T I had to try to qualify my transition goals and it made me think, but I still can’t do it. I got the script and the vial and needles are in my room, tucked lovingly into a drawer for my biweekly dose. I used to be scared of testosterone and never thought I’d feel comfortable doing hormone therapy, but a few years ago I researched some more and found a few accounts of nonbinary folk using low dose T to achieve an androgynous appearance. I’d never considered this route, and many providers still haven’t.

When I got my prescription I rushed to the CVS, hopped from foot to foot while waiting for them to finish filling it in my excitement. I was surprised at the $11 I was asked to pay for a 3 month supply of needles and a years supply of T, fully expecting to pay upwards of $50 for a medicine I was assured might not be covered by my insurance. I scheduled my nurse visit for the very next day, same time, and waited.

The first time I felt nervous was about an hour before the appointment. I wasn’t concerned about the effects, but about the injection itself. I’ve never had an Intramuscular injection done before, let alone injected myself. It’s a daunting and scary concept. I’d read up and watched videos in the weeks leading up to getting T, finally allowing myself to research further after years of abstaining out of fear I’d never get there. I’ve heard several conflicting things about injections and had many questions for the nurse, who took my eagerness, nervousness, and shakiness in stride.

I asked to inject myself, something I was terrified of but knew I needed to do. I wouldn’t be coming back every other week to have a nurse do it for me. She walked me through each step, from cleaning the head of the vial, to pushing air into it to force the syrupy medicine out, to preparing the correct area on my upper right thigh, and finally the 90° angle at which to put the needle in. I was terrified, my hands shook so much. I tried my hardest to stretch the skin taught and took a minute calming myself down before I sunk the needle in. It didn’t really hurt, to my relief. I hurt my wrist with the force I needed to press on the plunger, and it was so thick it took a couple minutes to get it all in. When it was all over I didn’t bleed at all, and I smiled because I knew I’d done it right.

There was no bump, which there can be with how thick the medicine is. I rubbed my leg and felt no pain, and as I’m writing this about an hour later I really only feel a dull ache.

Online some people write about how they could feel the T working the same day, or even see it’s effects the first couple weeks on, but for me I’m patient. I feel nothing yet, and I hope I don’t feel anything for a long while. I’m in this for the long haul, I’m prepared to wait a year or more before I see the effects I’m looking for. I’ve waited 4.5 years to transition and now that it’s finally happening I’m prepared to stop whenever I need to. If I experience any adverse side effects I plan to stop right away. And it will never be my intent to stay on T forever.

As much as I want to be more masculine, I love my curves and my feminine aspects (well, at least half of them). I hope to get them back in the future, or to never lose them. I’m looking to achieve something very different from hormone therapy and pave my own path forward. Top surgery looks to be in the near future, and that’s what I’m really waiting on. T is just for myself, and it makes me happy simply to be on it.

[sidenotelife]

3 things I learned from 7 years of counseling

One of the major perks to the med school I’ve been at for the past seven years is that they offer free counseling and psychiatry visits for students. I essentially started going to counseling to deal with issues related to depression and anxiety which include but are not limited to: understanding my emotions, anger management, coping with stress, recognizing when I’m stressed, social skills, effective communication. Sidenote - fun fact, 66% of state medical licensing boards require you to disclose if you’ve ever had a mental health diagnosis regardless of whether you are receiving current treatment and if it affects your ability to be a physician. If you are interested, see article here that shows that physicians in states where you have to disclose your mental health history are less likely to seek psychiatric treatment. There’s actually a bunch of online conversation about this topic, but I had never even considered it until I graduated med school. Anyways, over the past seven years I’ve had good and bad counselors, but I’ve managed to learn some useful stuff regarding self-care during these years. Sidenote - I should preface this by saying that many counselors spoke to me about the importance of exercise, taking time to myself, etc. but I feel these ideas are well established and basically common sense, so I’ll address three things that I had never really thought about before going to counseling. 

1. The emotion wheel.

A big problem I had/have... Sidenote - throughout this post I’ll talk about problems that I’ve worked on during counseling and I’ll refer to them either as “had” or “have”, but really these are all problems I still have, hopefully just to a lesser degree than I did seven years ago. Anyways, one problem I had is that I felt angry a lot and whenever Katie would ask me what was going on I would explain it as being tired but in reality I was having trouble putting my finger on the exact emotion I was having. I would just bunch up a lot of emotions under the umbrella of “tired.” So I had one therapist that introduced me to this emotion wheel where you choose your initial emotion which starts in the center, which is a simple one that literally includes the emotion “bad.” Then you branch out from there and progressively specify your emotion. 

For example, a common scenario when I would use the wheel is when I was doing the laundry wrong and Katie would comment on it and I would get upset, but when I broke down the “angry” feeling it branched to humiliation to disrespect. I was feeling disrespected about my laundry-doing skills, and understanding this was the precise emotion I was feeling helped me to troubleshoot it by working on my humility and helping myself see that I wasn’t the king of laundry, this was in fact Katie’s domain because she deals with house stuff all the time and I needed to humble myself to follow her laundry guidance. This feeling angry really had more to do with a resistance to being humble than simple being angry There are other examples of this, but the point is that the emotion wheel has been really useful for me because it helps me to interpret my own emotions at a more specific level, and thus allows me to better figure out how not to get angry. I saved a screenshot of this emotion wheel on my phone and look at it frequently. 

2. Nobody pays as much attention to me as I do. 

Another topic I worked on a lot during counseling is dealing with social anxiety and becoming real paranoid that everyone was judging me for all the awkward things I was doing. Part of this was probably true because I do lots of awkward things but I had several counselors coach me into understanding that the reality, for better or for worse, was that people were not paying that much attention to me. They, like me, were probably obsessing over their own actions and too preoccupied with themselves to pay attention to me. This has really helped me brush off social anxiety and not get so caught up in what I am or am not doing and become more comfortable just being myself. This kind of transitions nicely into my last thing: 

3. Stopping to think through my circumstances as if I were observing someone else. 

Whenever I found myself in a frustrating situation at school, like say I got critiqued for making a mistake in the operating room, I would go down a rabbit hole of worrying and thinking about irrational things which would rapidly deteriorate into meaningless anxiety. A thing that helped me escape these sorts of stress sinkholes was the idea of looking at my problems as if one of my friends were telling me about their problems, and then imagining what sort of advice I would give them. This was really useful because what I would tell someone else to do was usually a lot more rational and well-grounded than what I would do myself. For instance, if my friend was stressed about making a mistake in the operating room and being criticized by an attending I would not tell that person to reconsider medicine as a career, I would not tell that person to avoid that attending for the rest of their life, and I would not tell that person to replay the mistake over and over. Instead I would probably tell that person that it’s extremely normal to make mistakes as a medical student in the operating room, and it’s not really a natural setting for learning, and that they should go back and work with that attending unless they were told otherwise because they probably don’t even remember that you made a mistake nor do they remember your name. I sense that this general principle of minimizing self-bias is really important to introspection and self-improvement. 

So overall I’ve had a good experience with counseling these past seven years, but I wanted to end on this slightly paradoxical caveat. I want to take a second to talk about access to mental health care. If I had to consider paying for counseling, especially if I had to consider paying like $100/hr for it, I’m not sure I would have done it. I hate to say this because I would love to be a stronger advocate for counseling, but it’s just logistically complicated. And it’s not just the price. Over the past seven years I had like ten counselors and I felt really good about one or two? of them. I imagine this is the ratio for just about anyone who goes to counseling because it really does come down to personal fit, and it’s really not like finding a good orthopedic surgeon, it’s a lot more like finding a good spouse. So using some back of the envelope calculations, the cost of all the visits just to find a good counselor, not to mention it takes several visits to establish an initial rapport with a counselor, you could easily rack up $1,000+ to simply FIND a good counselor, and then you have to start paying $100 an hour to do the actual work of counseling. And we haven’t even gotten to the time it would take out of residency. In all the rotations I’ve never seen a resident leave early to make a personal medical appointment. In fact, I’ve rarely even seen a resident call in sick. I’ve much more frequently seen residents come in hacking up a lung. Considering that you would probably have to meet with a counselor semi-regularly to establish some initial rapport, it rapidly becomes impractical from the financial and scheduling perspectives to go see a counselor. Like I said, I hate to say this because I really believe counseling is useful and would be beneficial for basically everybody, but the way mental health services are valued by insurance companies and the greater healthcare community, I have serious questions about the practicalities of counseling. I guess I’ll end by reiterating that I overall recommend going to counseling and I really feel if the connection with a good counselor is there the benefits are quiet impactful, but I can also see the reality and I’m honestly not sure if I will continue going to counseling after medical school. 

see you on the other side,

from ken

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[coreymichaelsmithson]

The Gecko

I dance when I paint.

I don’t mean this to sound like some kind of barfy New-Age metaphor; rest assured that I haven’t yet become the “I wear floral caftans and practice yoga and drink kale smoothies and shop at Whole Foods and the whole universe dances through me, rama-lama-ding-dong” version of myself. I mean to say that I dance in the actual sense of moving rhythmically as I wield my brush. There are good practical reasons for doing this … sometimes it’s important to rehearse a tricky stroke before committing it to canvas, so I trace in the air what I intend to do, and prepare myself in advance for the actual execution. Some strokes are so complex in their trajectory, twisting and turning on themselves like the coils of the small intestine, that I need to make a few practice tries first. I have to use my whole arm, from shoulder to fingertip, and on really long strokes, dozens of other muscle groups come into play. Add some music, a soupçon of dramatic flair, and voilà! Dancing. But there is another, weirder aspect to what I do with my body when I paint. When my painting is going well, when I’m really ��in the zone”, it feels like I am physically manipulating the forces within the composition. And by “forces” I mean actual dynamic forces … like torque, shear, tension, compression, lift, drag, gravity. These can all be represented in two dimensions, but I like to diagram them out in four. So I’ll make a range of expressive motions, which may seem to any observer like the gestures of a conductor, or a sculptor, or a magician. I may push, pull, draw out, spin, wave, smudge, swirl, scrape, all without touching the canvas. This may go on for several minutes, until I’m satisfied that I know what needs to happen. Then, and only then, I’ll make my move.

Lately, all this dancing has drawn the attention of local wildlife.

The place where I’m staying, on the northeast coast of Florida, is surrounded by water: ponds, marshes, rivers, and estuaries. Herons and egrets flap overhead, and falcons perch on the live oaks. Snakes make an occasional appearance. Because of all the swampy green space nearby, the yard is overrun with skinks, anoles, whiptails, and geckos. Our studio space has four large picture windows, and a pair of sliding glass doors. Each window has a mesh screen. Sometimes, the smallest lizards will cling to these screens and just hang out for a while. They’re probably doing this to enjoy the ventilation and to scope out the yard … but it’s a cute, endearing behavior, and it makes me strangely happy to see them.

As I was working on a particularly challenging painting, dancing out my curlicues and whatnot, this one gecko scurried up the mesh of the nearest window, and parked himself right in the middle of my view. He kept turning his head this way and that, eyeballing my progress from various awkward angles. After a few minutes of this, he climbed down the screen, crossed a few inches of patio, and zipped back up to the top of a nearby lawn chair, which allowed him to see more directly into the window. I’m guessing it was my dancing that caught his eye. Maybe he couldn’t tell if I was a threat, a large predator lumbering about on the other side of the window. Maybe he thought I was a particularly gawky crane. But, at the time, it seemed like he was interested in watching what I was doing, for he stayed in place a long time, tilting his head back and forth to look at either me or my canvas.

This may sound absurd, but I must tell you why the interest of this gecko filled me with such profound sense of validation. But in order to do so, I’ll have to plunge into a very dark place for a while, so that I may impart some important contextual information. Bear in mind that I am saying this all quite matter-of-factly, while calmly sipping my tea, without a lot of handwringing or lip-quivering or Sturm und Drang, so please don’t panic as you read. What follows is not meant to worry you, nor am I merely bemoaning my bad fortune … rather, I wish to paint this oddly joyful experience in a fuller, more revealing light. So bear with me for a moment, through a few paragraphs of heavy weather, and I promise that we’ll eventually find our way to a happy ending, the kind you’ve come to expect from my stories.

The fact is, I’m in trouble. Real trouble.

My bank account is now five hundred dollars in the red, with more automatic bill deductions coming in every week. My phone’s been shut off for non-payment. Pamela’s WA tabs have expired, so I can’t legally drive her … as a result, her battery’s gone dead, and she’s had unused fuel sitting in her lines for three months, which may lead to further complications. My laptop and smartphone are beginning to show signs of wear and tear, and I can’t afford to replace either. The big picture gets worse the more I look at it. I have over $160,000 in student loan debt, $9,000 in New York State tax debt, and somewhere around $50,000 in IRS debt. My bank account is likely to be seized again any day now. Because I haven’t been able to make even the bare minimum on previously established payment plans, and because I don’t have much freelance income, I have no means of negotiating for further relief. Every former address has piles of unopened mail from debt collectors. Bankruptcy will not dissolve either my scholastic or tax liabilities. Furthermore, because of my loan defaults, I cannot access my college transcripts to apply for teaching positions or degree-dependent jobs. And I’m too old and weird to be an attractive candidate for most of those appointments anyway. I have no health insurance, and can’t afford even sliding scale care to address my three broken teeth, lifelong asthma, and untreated severe depression. Free clinics cannot help with the severity of my dental and mental issues.

In short, things may seem a little bleak at present, down here in the Sunshine State. But as I said, there is a silver lining to all this … so hang tight, and in a little while I’ll lift us back up into the land of dancing and portent reptiles.

Now, I’m sure that some of you are already rolling your eyes and saying, “Well, you made your bed … quit whining and get a real job.” This seems to be the go-to response when artists don’t perform well in a capitalist society, and many people have already said as much, directly to me or among themselves. The thing is, my résumé is already full of “real jobs”: sanitation, construction, moving, disaster services, dishwashing, deliveries, landscaping, corporate video editing, darkroom printing, customer service, telemarketing, proofreading, design, teaching, consulting. I’ve worked in a car factory, a soup factory, a vineyard, a children’s hospital, a bookstore, a college library, a marketing agency, an art supply store, two publishers, five photo labs, and serviced more industries than I can even remember. I’ve designed menus and logos and show posters, I’ve bartended and filled dumpsters and hauled furniture and maintained spreadsheets. I’ve scrubbed soot off of ruined antiques, painted stripes on wastebaskets, taken dictation from lawyers, torn down drywall, pulled weeds, yanked nails, bottled whiskey, loaded ceramic tile, and demolished office cubicles. I even once helped raise a circus tent. I’ve kissed plenty of asses, both in the literal and figurative senses, for ridiculously low sums of money. I’ve done plenty of the icky stuff that nobody wants to do.

But my work ethic, skill, and earnestness simply aren’t paying off ... yet.

This is not an unusual predicament for people like me, though. The kind of jobs that folks expect me to have, based on my education and capabilities, won’t even grant me an interview, no matter how carefully I tailor my cover letter and CV, no matter how much positive energy and enthusiasm and hope I muster for the application. I’ve been completely and conscientiously sober for nearly seven years now, but even that level of commitment and self-care hasn’t done anything to change my financial situation, which has reached an all-time nadir. I’ve learned that “rock bottom” is an illusion … at the bottom of the well you’ll sometimes find not bedrock but quicksand and bobbing turds.

The inevitable question to ask, of course, is whether or not I am bringing all of this on myself. I’m sure some of you insist that I have this masochistic / self-destructive narrative that I’m adhering to, some kind of badly warped Van Gogh complex. You may feel that I remain impoverished only because of my own stubbornness, self-pity, delusions of grandeur, sloth, or outright stupidity. Some of you probably feel that I keep failing because I never apply myself properly, that I just don’t try hard enough, that I should love myself more, that all I need is a good full-time job with health insurance. You may have already thrown up your hands in frustration. I don’t begrudge you your opinion or your irritation … but to all of these things, I can only say, “I’m doing my best with what I’ve got.”

Throughout my career, I’ve been very forthright about my struggle with living … not because I am fishing for sympathy or solutions, but because I’ve come to believe that sharing such challenges openly is an essential part of my purpose as an artist. I am describing my state of crisis not to alarm you, or even to cry for help, but simply to reveal the full dimensions of my situation. I also hope that by explaining my fears and doubts I may help you to alleviate some anxiety of your own … for there is no relief quite like that of fellowship. As some of closest friends know, I have been on the precipice for my entire adulthood, and have come close many times to losing my grip altogether. Many of you can relate. Despite these troubles, though, I’ve clung stubbornly to existence, even when my fingertips are slipping on the beveled edge, just so that I could occasionally arrive at a moment like the one I had today with the gecko … moments when my life’s work seems to reveal its actual shape, when I can feel the ongoing dance of the world move through my fingers, when I am reminded that the long meandering road itself is the whole point. All those shitty jobs and sleepless nights were a vital part of the composition. They all brought me here, collectively, to this one instant, when I was dancing with a brush in my hand and a lizard was watching me from the window, a moment when everything changed.

Art is the alchemy that transforms any hardship into gold.

I hope you’ll come to understand what I mean when I say, right now, that it feels like as if I’ve inadvertently engineered my entire life just so that my passion might catch the eye of a wandering gecko.

I keep working because there is more work to be done. I keep fighting to live because I believe that I have an important message to deliver, and that I cannot rest until it is safely received. I don’t yet know what this message is, or where it comes from, or why it has been placed in my clumsy hands … but I feel burdened with the responsibility of lasting long enough to relay it. Judy Garland once told me the secret of immortality, and now a gecko is telling me the secret of artistic success.

So I am here to tell you about a gecko who was watching me paint.

I am here to tell you about a gecko who is now forever splayed on the window mesh of my mind, a gecko who stares at me with a mixture of curiosity and confusion as I struggle to keep my brush moving, as I desperately dance away from the reality of ruin, as I choose one more day of making art over surrendering to doom. I am here to tell you that this gecko is looking sideways at my canvas, with his googly roving eye, and he seems quite pleased with my output. I am here to tell you that this gecko has become my biggest fan; if I achieve nothing else in my career I’ve at least entertained one living creature with my artistry.

I am here to tell you that the gecko is delivering a message through me to you … on behalf of all the artists who have ever lived and died in total obscurity, all the forgotten and abandoned and hopeless creators who valued experiences more than fiscal solvency, those who saw many of the world’s most wonderful riches despite having no money or fame or toothpaste. My friend the gecko is saying to us, you and I, that it’s all been worth it. Every flawed and stupid choice we’ve made has been the right one, as long as each of us keeps trying our best to write a compelling poem with our life story. The gecko is telling us, you and me both, that everything’s going to be okay. He says that no effort is wasted, that no bravery goes completely unnoticed, that no talent is ever squandered if it has brought comfort or amusement or a moment of beauty to others. He says that we won’t be remembered for our poverty, but we will be remembered for our grace under duress. The gecko is assuring us that no sincere artist is a failure. The gecko believes in you and me, just as I believe in you and me. In fact, the gecko just whispered to me now that you’re the richest person he’s ever seen, and that your dance moves are awesome. The gecko told me to tell you to keep dancing, no matter what, for as long as you can, and to never give up on your gifts, which are plentiful and splendid and rare. He says he admires your brilliance, and your stamina, and your coordination. He says that he can see the whole world dancing in your hands.

[simplelittlebrowngirljae]

Becoming an advocate

I have lived with chronic illnesses since I was a child. While they were mild, I faced some challenges in learning to deal with the fact that my life was different. At age 7, I started breaking out in hives and these weren’t your ordinary hives either. They were so massive, almost the size of a large tomato. And they were all consuming. We would spend days and hours going back and forth to doctors and Emergency Rooms and never found answers. My mother kept pushing and doctors were stumped. And then this mysterious cough came and took the place of the hives. And for months we back and forth to doctors and specialists and nobody could figure things out yet again. It wasn’t until my mother, who had been pushing and pushing got my PCP to give us a referral to another specialist and what happened next was beyond mind blowing.

We went to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor and literally within moments he was able to diagnose me….I had asthma. He knew that cough very well and gave me a referral to an amazing pulmonologist. And that doctor was just as awesome and gave us some great resources to learn to manage this condition.

I know that none of that would have happened if it wasn’t for my mother continually pushing for answers and the ability for us to see multiple doctors and specialists and have tests ran. The reality is that many people are unable to access healthcare nor effectively manage their chronic conditions.

Let us fast forward many years and me having to go through almost similar situations again. This time it started with my feminine pain and issues and me desperately seeking to be heard and diagnosed. It took me 13 years and 13 doctors to end up being diagnosed with Endometriosis. I was blown off, dismissed and had so many door shut in my face that it discouraged me and made me feel like I was insane until I finally found a doctor who believed me and was able to help. And I wish it stopped there. But it never does. Also during this time I developed so many other symptoms and had to seek out other doctors and the same thing happened. It would take me years to find someone who understood what I was going through and receive not only a proper diagnosis, but proper treatment as well.

And once again, I wish I could stop there but that isn’t how life works right? Right. I have had to go through all of this yet again, but with my parents and let’s just say it is much harder this go round. Something about having to do this while still fighting my own battles just makes this beyond exhausting. But if I don’t step in and help, then what will the outcome be? Who will be the one the assist them? I will tell you what will happen because I just went through this.

My father was to have a two day surgery about a week ago on his back. He went in for the first part of his procedure and that went fine. He was in his room when he started to crash. His b/p and other vitals began to drop rapidly and the rapid response team was brought in. They got him stable and then noticed a pool of blood in his bed. They also noticed his catheter bag was empty. Over a several hour period he had not voided any urine. They removed the catheter and tried to place another one. Same situation happened. He had lost more blood and his bladder hadn’t drained. They tried to cath him again and had no results. We went through this several more times and then eventually the urologist came and they got a good cath. His urine finally drained and it was filled with blood. He had also lost quite a bit of blood at this point.

The doctor came in the next morning and told my mother and father that he could not do the second part of the surgery because he had lost too much blood. At this point I was on my way to the hospital to see what the hell was going on. I found out his blood level were so low and he was basically at transfusion level. However, they wouldn’t transfuse him. He also still had quite a bit of blood in his urine and on top of that he was a bit disorientated and wasn’t eating. He also had these severe hiccups and was not getting the medications ordered for him. Because all of this was going on, I requested the Patient Advocate, Nurse Manager and the Hospitalist. They didn’t send any of these people, just assistants and at this point he was not doing well. So we filed a complaint with the hospital. He was discharged with a catheter, blood in his urine, not eating and dangerously low blood levels. We know that this occurred 1.because nobody wanted to take responsibility for what had happened post operatively with the catheter which was the cause of most of his problems 2.because he was a patient of color and 3. Because nobody really wanted to address these issues.

My mother and I spent days pushing and advocating for his care and yet nothing happened.  Even after his discharge we are continuing to push for things to be addressed and for the continuity of care as he should have it. However, this is more of an uphill battle than we have ever experienced. And the sad part is, the resources are there, the doctors that need to be ordering these services are simply not doing it. However, about a week out of the hospital we did see a glimmer of hope…his primary care doctor was able to finally fully review all that transpired and not only was she upset at the chain of events, she was able to order some things that would help him comfortably recover at home. Praise God for a great Primary Care because without her I don’t think that we would have made any progress. She also has made a complaint about his care and it is documented that she has great concerns with how he was treated during his inpatient stay.

So here is the other harsh reality: many patients do not have advocates and the ways our healthcare system is set up, if you don’t have someone who can serve as your voice when you are unable to speak, then it is almost as if you are doomed. And this a shame. We live in a society that if you don’t have insurance or if you are of a certain socioeconomic status or even of a certain race, then these factors predetermine the level of care you received and that isn’t right. And if these things cannot be changed, then it is necessary to have someone pushing for you to get the best care that you can receive. And even if you have insurance or you are from a privileged background, you still have to keep pushing to get the best care because if not they will leave you to perish.

I the coming weeks, I know I will continue to stretch and strain myself to help my mother care for my father, and also ask the tough questions at his appointments. And I know his providers may not have the answers we are looking for but as an advocate, at some point they will need to come up with the answers and that is the honest truth. And the same goes for those who work in hospital administration and with the insurance companies and any other aspect of the healthcare industry. When we know better we do better!

[ultimatestudyabroad]

Health Insurance: Adding Insult to Injury

Not only have I been unemployed and homeless since I arrived back in America, but I’ve also not had any health insurance. So, on top of worrying about how long I can make my money stretch and stressing about whether anyone will ever hire me, I’ve had this nagging voice in the back of my head: You’d better not get sick, Mel. You’d better not need a prescription filled, Mel. Don’t go ice skating with your friend, Mel. If you break your ankle, you don’t have health insurance.

I feel the need to pause here and clarify for my Australian friends: no health insurance = no health cover of any kind. This isn’t a “I don’t have private insurance, but Medicare still covers me” situation. (Note: universal health care in Australia is called “Medicare” whereas “Medicare” in the U.S. is primarily for the elderly – this can admittedly get confusing). In the United States, if you don’t have a job, you don’t have health insurance (unless you buy it yourself, but we’ll get to that). There is no automatic social safety net.

When I was younger, I would simply take the risk of not having insurance in between jobs. In retrospect, I was lucky nothing serious happened. But now, I’m older, wiser, and only two years away from the age my mom was when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, so no insurance is no longer a risk I’m willing to take. Before I left Australia, I tried to figure out how to get some insurance until I get a job. I didn’t have much luck. Because here’s another oddity in America: you can only buy/make changes to your health insurance at certain times of year, the “open enrollment period.” There are exceptions to that, of course, for major “life events” like getting married, etc. and it turns out that returning from living abroad is one of them. However, outside the open enrollment period, options are scarce. They are also tied to the state you live in and I wasn’t sure where I was going to live! The only plans I could find were so expensive and so crappy that I decided against buying “real” insurance and instead obtained emergency cover through a travel insurance plan for expats returning from abroad. I figured I just needed something to cover me in case I was in a car accident or I needed an emergency appendectomy or something like that. I figured I’d only need it a few months and then I’d have a job (hahahahaha, joke was on me). I bought the plan and extended it once. Then open enrollment hit and I still didn’t have a job, so I knew I needed to bite the bullet and get some health insurance.

Some of my friends in Australia assumed that Obamacare gave all Americans health insurance and I had to explain to them that it merely required us all to have insurance; it didn’t give us anything. It did add some regulations to make our health insurance plans suck less and it created the marketplace, a website where individuals could go purchase their own health insurance if they didn’t have any through work. And this is where I went to buy my insurance plan, an eye-opening experience. I entered in some demographic information and where I lived so that the system could identify plans I was eligible for. I got to a screen that asked for my anticipated 2020 income. I entered “$0.” I mean, the whole reason I have to go through this is that I’m unemployed! In return, I got the message that, based on my answer, I do not qualify for subsidies to help cover the cost of my insurance. What?! How can someone with no income not qualify for the assistance the law provides for the insurance the law requires people to have? Oh well. I wasn’t terribly surprised by this. I’d already made weak attempts to see if I could qualify for any kind of social welfare program. Unemployment? Nope. Medicaid? Nope. For food stamps, I was at least asked to provide some additional information, but after that, I never got any kind of response…

Anyway, I cursed the heavens and clicked through to see my plan options. Words cannot express how shit these plans were. As I report on this, bear in mind that I am a healthy, non-smoker with no pre-existing conditions. Plans that were affordable – around $250-300 a month – had deductibles upwards of $8,000! Meaning, I would need to utilize $8,000 worth of medical services before my insurance would kick in. Now, I neither intend to need $8,000 worth of medical services nor do I have $8,000 to spend on medical services. Some of the more affordable plans also had no cap to the out-of-pocket expense. For example, if once I had met my $8,000 deductible, I ended up in the emergency room, I’d still be responsible for, say 50%, of the total cost. For other kinds of treatment, insurance might pay 80% and I’d be responsible for 20% (again, this is all after I’ve met my deductible). Two things make these kind of plans a very bad idea. First, as I mentioned, I have a family history of breast cancer. My boobies are most likely going to turn on me one day. I don’t just need insurance; I need cancer-quality insurance. This fact was vividly driven home to me in the month before I went on the marketplace, when two people I care about were diagnosed with breast cancer. Crappy insurance is not an option for me.

Secondly, health care in America is expensive. How expensive, you ask? Check out this thread of responses from when Bernie asked the same question. From personal experience, I’ll give one example. Before I moved  to Australia, I’d been having annual breast MRIs as part of my preventative care.  My GP in Australia wanted me to continue that type of screening, but warned me that my overseas student health cover (basically, the equivalent of Medicare) didn’t cover MRIs. I immediately refused the test and we got in a bit of a spat over why I was refusing her recommendation. I told her I could not possibly afford an MRI out of pocket. We went back and forth a few times before she finally looked up the price: $500. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR AN MRI! The total cost of this test in the U.S. is $3,000-4,000. I told her that. She almost fell out of her chair. This kind of experience happened to me several times in Australia. I’d be having a disagreement with someone on health care and there’d be this sense that neither one of us really knew why we were so opposed to each other and the reason turned out to be that we were operating from two completely different frames of reference. To close the story, I had my MRI (and my OSHC surprisingly ended up covering it! This – paying less than what you think you’re going to have to pay -- is something that never happens in America!)

But back to the Marketplace. I ended up choosing a plan that had an out-of-pocket maximum. I’m not interested in going bankrupt because of medical bills. I also chose a plan with $0 deductible because the difference in cost between low-deductible and no-deductible plans was fairly negligible. So, my plan isn’t that bad (or, I should say, it doesn’t seem to be. We’ll find out when I actually try to use it). What’s this costing me, you might be wondering? $580 a month! Please recall that my income is currently $0. I do not have $580 a month, which is only $139 less than what my mortgage was before I sold my house! Americans reading this are most likely thinking, “yeah, that sounds about right” whereas my Australian friends are probably a little shell-shocked.

To give my American friends some context … When I moved to Australia, in order to get my student visa, I had to pay for 46 months (the duration of my visa) worth of health cover up front. At the cost of my new American health insurance plan, that would have amounted to almost $27,000. Instead, I paid $1,893.12! That’s just over $40 a month. And for that, I got amazing health care. I went to my GP all the time because it was so easy and it was free. The only time I ever had to pay was $35 for a blood test that wasn’t fully covered (and I got part of that back from my insurance within a WEEK of submitting a claim!) My OSHC didn’t cover prescriptions or routine dental, but both of those things were cheaper fully out of pocket than they are in America with insurance. I once had to take an American study abroad student (who had no Australian health insurance) to the equivalent of urgent care for strep throat. He waited less than five minutes without an appointment (can’t remember the last time I waited less than 20 minutes in the U.S. even with an appointment). He paid $50 for the visit and $10 for his antibiotic with – I repeat – no insurance.

I listen to the Medicare for All debates in the Democratic primary and my first reaction is to be completely flummoxed that anyone (other than a health insurance executive) could be against it. But upon further reflection, I think that Americans are just so used to being screwed by their health insurance that they find it hard to conceive of an existence in which they are not. We are so conditioned by the structures that run our lives that a functioning system seems fanciful. Once I got to Australia, it took me some time to believe. During pretty much every encounter with the Australian health care system, I was confused/surprised/skeptical that it really was that easy/quick/cheap. Now that I’m back, I’m equal parts a) dreading the reverse culture shock that will occur when I need to go to a doctor and b) pissed off that the “richest country on earth” extracts so much profit from the health of its citizens. So to my fellow Americans I say: support universal, single-payer health care! Trust me, you’ll love it.

[wasilewskitbfrostzn64insura-blog]

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dodge avenger 2008 insurance

[takecharge]

The health care costs you weren't expecting

Tl:Dr - fees can be hundreds of dollars that you have to pay for every office visit or test at a medical center. Do your homework before choosing a doctor to find out if you will be paying these fees out of pocket.

Two years ago at my job a new chat room was started. It was called Insurance Issues. In the span of two weeks three people at my job were charged an extra $300 dollars for routine medical tests at our local hospital. One was a simple blood test. I moderated the chat room because I was one of them, and I'd done the work to figure out where these fees were coming from.

What are facility/hospital fees

The charges were facility or hospital fees. The word hospital may be misleading here, if you go to a medical center, these may also apply. They are a surcharge you can be charged for simply being at a hospital or larger care facility when you see a doctor or get a test done. They can be charged even if the hospital lab is in-network for your insurance. And in some cases even after you've paid your deductible, these are out of pocket costs.

Where you can go to get cheaper tests

The insurance company would rather you go to get your tests done at a testing facility like Quest Diagnostics. These places offer far cheaper rates and for some people going to them it's not that much of an inconvenience. But none of the people at my company, nor HR, knew that. We'd watched the webinar at the beginning of the insurance term and hadn't walked away realizing we had homework to do every time we needed a blood test.

We were all confused. In the large city I live in even PCPs are usually part of a hospital network. When we read the patient information materials the hospitals in question were in-network. The document stated that any outpatient labs were covered for any in-network locations. Only when we looked up each test in the document did we find that the insurance would pass any extra costs like facility fees on to us.

I had already been fighting the insurance company for months so I had the person whose job it was to make me stop calling on speed dial. I walked her through the materials and she agreed that they were extremely misleading. Eventually the $900 we paid got waived. I'm pretty sure the next year those documents were written differently.

Cost estimators will help you make a choice to lessen or prevent these charges

Insurance companies in the US have websites and often apps that exist just to help you figure out what charges you might be on the hook for. Get to know them before you need them. Look up an ankle x-ray and you'll be able to see based on the facility how much it will cost you. I recently did this when I knew I needed an ultrasound. My out of pocket costs ranged from nothing at a hospital over an hour away to $300 from the hospital where my specialist works. When I factored in the cost of transport to and from the other hospital, the $300 didn't look too bad, but I also had another strategy in mind.

Sometimes where the test is done changes the billing

I'd learned before my last surgery that blood draws done in my doctor's office, instead of the lab downstairs. The charge numbers are different, so the hospital fees didn't apply. I asked my specialist if the ultrasound might be the same story and if possible could we do it in his office. I got it done in the office and didn't get charged the hospital fee.

Office visits can charge hospital fees too

When looking for a provider, I would recommend contacting the billing department where they are located and asking if a facility fee is charged for office visits. My new pain specialist is at a facility that does charge this fee and I've decided to pay it. The clinic is a good one and it's worth it to me. I also can afford it until I've paid my deductible, at which point my insurance will pay it.

Insurance companies think they've given you enough information

When I saw the facility fee for a routine office visit, I called the claims department at the insurance company to find out if this was the new normal since I'd never been charged one for an office visit before. The woman on the phone said it's becoming more common for hospitals to bill this way. We chatted about my concern that many patients are going to be blindsided by this. She commiserated. She and her colleagues have to explain these bills daily.

To be totally honest, the insurance companies are trying to be more transparent. That's why the cost estimators exist. The materials insurees get every plan year do recommend using the cost estimator so you don't get unexpected bills. But most people who have insurance won't use the estimator. They go to the doctor maybe twice a year and when they're injured. Preventative care appointments are usually covered at 100%. And the last thing you're going to do when you break your ankle is consult the estimator before deciding which hospital to go to.

The people these estimators help the most are those of us who are already insurance savvy. We know we better check for unexpected fees. So do your friends and family a favor and make them read this post or articles on the same issue. Be the person who asks about this at the webinar even if the presenter went over it (because your colleague that was playing a game on her phone will probably pay attention to your question because she's frustrated you're making this boring meeting go longer).

Just like ballooning mortgage bills these fees are things even well people need to know about. I just had this discussion with my parents and colleagues and they were convinced they didn't need to know this until I spelled out the potential costs.

[braindamageforbeginners]

A fate worse than death...

So, bright and early this morning (well, for me), after asking directions at several other places, I finally found the chosen GP of my publicly-run (AKA government-provided medicaid)(I should also point out that I’m automatically qualified for social security)(and, in two years, Medicare). That might seem unfair to all the healthy folks out there, so all I’ll say is, “I’ll happily pay you a lot of money to swap life expectancies.” It’s suddenly not a great deal, huh? Anyway, back to the scene at hand:

SELF: I’m here for a physical with Dr. X! PERSON WHO CLEARLY DOES NOT ENJOY BREATHING: That was canceled when you didn’t show up. SELF: I’m (checks watch) 20 minutes late! FORMER PERSON: We cancel all appointments if the patient is 15 minutes late. SELF: 15 minutes? (I didn’t mention that this policy is completely asinine in a state known for traffic jams, but there are also moments when you know you probably shouldn’t talk)(that would also explain the weird, strangled sounds I heard myself making).

I took a seat in the abandoned waiting room, where I was told, shortly, that there would be no appointment times available for me that day. I spent an extra half-hour in the gym working off the aggravation and fury of that one.

You might wonder - as I occasionally did this afternoon - why a man feeling well enough to risk Warlock Sr’s curse that I should take life a little lighter, for the sake of my knees would be interested in seeing a medical group not terribly well-known for... well, anything I really need, health-wise. And you might ask why I wasn’t in the lovingly insane embrace of my usual cadre of providers. Oh, you sweet summer children.

So, a major complaint about American healthcare - and I agree with this one - is that it is neither private (free market) nor public (like in social democracies), but an unholy amalgamation between the two. Personally, I’d be fine if the system worked like it does in... well, every industrialized country except America, wherein you just go to a hospital or licensed physician, and, as part of your taxes, receive some modicum of healthcare. To those of you who think that such systems don’t work, or are unfair, or promote laziness - I would advise you to get hit by a car, and require a hip replacement. Even with the best insurance in the world, you could wait a while. Or, you could do what an increasing number of Americans are doing, which is, get wheeled onto a plane to Spain, get a hip replacement there for a fraction of the cost, and at the same level of quality. Or you can subject yourself to a system in which I overheard - on a recent flight (I really should ask Radiation Oncologist if it’s possible to get enhanced hearing from the radiation)(WORST. SUPERPOWER. EVER.) an “hospital” administrator talking about his plans to shut down the sleep laboratory/research unit “because it only helps a few dozen people a year, and we have to generate revenue.” May his daughter be one of those people. Where was I? Oh, yes, so, in a strictly capitalist system, if I had pain in my right foot (or an abandoned disease that only came to public attention recently thanks to a public figure dying from it), I would do some research on Yelp or maybe ask a doctor friend for a recommended podiatrist. Who would then perform an inspection or procedure or whatever for an agreed-upon price.

In the American private insurance system - which did not legally exist until the 1970s, remember (this is true) - you essentially buy an exclusive subscription from your favorite medical group (it’s horrifically like a cell phone contract), and hope that, like 90% of young, healthy people - you don’t need any further care, or outside specialists, and God help you if you get pregnant. If you need any of those things, and have a lawyer in the family who can get on the phone after reading the fine print, they may or may not - depending on your contract (hint: get PPO insurance) get you the appropriate care. In this case, the Warlocks - who seem to have some sort of working cure (or somewhat long-term solution)(it’s definitely better than the alternatives), are the expert second-opinion. And they take my filthy peasant public insurance, probably because when you can summon hurricanes, you’re not interested in filthy lucre. HOWEVER, the hospital system that employs them does not accept my filthy peasant public insurance for GPs. Which means I need - even on my public option - a specialist referral for “specialized care.” Which is why I found myself desperately trying to find crippled/handicapped parking off a main thoroughfare this morning. Having tried - and failed that, I’m not ultra-worried, yet - but, like a lot of life post-diagnosis, it’s harder, nastier, and more dangerous than it needs to be. And I’ll have to be on the phone with the private carrier of my public option (BTW - this is a real statistic - public insurance options have a 2-4% “administrative cost.” Private insurance options, on the other hand, have a 24% “administrative cost.” Yes, “administrative cost” includes both the cost for employing all those unhelpful receptionists and executive hot tubs. I’ll figure it out, one way or another - I have for a full year so far - but I might also grind a few teeth.

[jobisitejobs]

Independent Contractor-Vehicle for Successful BA Owners/Sales Persons

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The key characteristics we are looking for, or you are willing to develop, are being an effective communicator, an ability to listen, asks great questions, a problem solver, well organized, a self-starter and self-finisher, positive self-image, well-mannered and courteous, and a person of integrity. Our average FT sales person earns over 140K annually, and some have gone on to own their own offices. You can work on PT until you decide it?s the right path, and we have some PT making over 10K a month. We have a fun corporate culture, and the only limits on you are what you put on them. We will assist you in growing personally as well as assist you in making the income you desire-we just work backwards, as the system works, if you do X you get Y. X being activities. Y being monies. If you are interested, please review the information below via video vignettes and overview below that will give you a good understanding of what we do, how we get paid, and the culture of our company. Symmetry Financial Group - Business Overview can be found here: We offer: *Performance based promotions every 2 months *A training system that offers support from day one *A flexible schedule that allows you to work on your own time Applicant must have a strong work ethic and be driven to succeed. If you are willing to plug into our proven system, then the sky is the limit here. This is a commission based job. If you know that you are the one we are looking for, please call me at or set a conference call at the following link: -symmetry/30minutes Our Philosophy: Our philosophy is to better our lives through bettering the lives of others. If you have a willingness to learn and are passionate about improving your current situation, you will be able to find tremendous success through our proven sales system and amazing team support. As long as you are willing to learn new skills and follow our system, you will not fail. You will be able to better your life through bettering the lives of your clients and your team! If you consider yourself a self-driven person who is willing to do whatever it takes to improve your current situation and upgrade your life, please read on for a description of our lead generation system as well as what you can expect from this position. Basic I am looking for a sales associate who will take these applications, call our clients, set an appointment, and go sit down with them at their home for about 45 minutes and help them pick out the best mortgage protection plan that fits their budget. Our full-time agents will sit with 8 to 15 families per week. Some of our agents start on a part-time basis and gradually move to full-time. The other income option available is for your to start your own agency, with a turn-key system. Commissions as a New Team Member: Typically, commission on a mortgage protection product is about $670 per family you protect. Our average full-time team member will sell 5 to 10+ mortgage protection plans a week. In addition to mortgage protection, another focus of my team is to use a selection of premium financial products to help people save for retirement or protect their current retirement accounts (e.g., 401k?s and IRA?s) from losing money in the market. Our Equity Bonus: There is an Equity Bonus program that sets us apart from all other companies. We are able to participate in receiving a percentage of the total company?s monthly net sales. This is unheard of in the insurance industry. Our leads: We specialize in producing the highest quality of exclusive direct mail leads. The homeowner will provide their personal information including their date of birth, height and weight and their cell number where they can be reached. On average our agents close at least 50% of the leads they work. We have agents making $10K to $30K per month through their own personal production! There is no cold calling. Only those who have requested the information will be contacted. This sales system has revolutionized the insurance industry and that is what allows our agents to make over $175K to $350k in the very first year regardless of experience. What to Expect from this - Know that what you do helps protect the financial future of families - Benefit from a lead generation system that puts you in front of qualified buyers - Eliminate cold calling - Receive first-class training - Enjoy the support of your team - Enjoy a unique and positive company culture where leaders lead with their heart - Earn over $75K to $150K+ per year--some earn substantially more - Create passive income for life - Cultivate leadership qualities and achieve personal growth - Help others achieve the same financial freedom in their lives Who I Expect to Hear From: - Someone who has a deep desire to achieve greater things in their life - Someone who is ambitious and self-driven - Someone who is willing to learn new skills* - Someone who is willing to learn from others - Someone who has a desire to excel in everything he or she does - Someone who has an excellent work ethic and a high level of integrity - Someone who is passionate about helping others Are You the One We are Looking for? We have found that candidates with the following backgrounds, have seen success faster than other professional backgrounds because of the similarity in sales systems. *Successful Business Owners* *Successful Sales Managers* *Successful Sales Person* *Professional Athletes* * Successful Real Estate Sales/Brokers and Mortgage Brokers* * Successful Insurance Sales * Successful Automotive Sales * Military Background * Successful Consultants * Company Owners * Medical Professionals * Coaches * Teachers *Licensed Agents or Advisor?s Paying Rent to Their Employer* Our System: Our proven system includes extra-ordinary mentorship and supportcombined with our lead generation system that allows our agents to have THEcompetitive edge in the industry. Whether you are an experienced life agent, sales person, recent college graduate, retired, or you?re looking for a part time opportunity, you will find the nation?s most effective training and the best marketing platform available. If you feel that you are the one we are looking for, please send resume for an interview we want to talk with you so you can learn the following: Why a partnership to agency ownership is becoming a career path of choice for executives looking to escape the corporate world and take back control of their live. How the path to agency ownership works...a clear and simple explanation of the system and how it generates income and value for agents and agency owners. How to determine if Symmetry is the right option for your unique circumstances. How to find your ideal Symmetry Structure through a tried-and-true, simple selection process. If you?ve ever dreamed of leaping, climbing, or building a bridge out of the corporate world and into a life of entrepreneurship, you owe it to yourself to take time out of your busy schedule to coordinate an interview and verify if this is a fit, please click on this link to schedule: -symmetry/30minutes The above statements are intended to describe the general nature and level of the work being performed by people assigned to this work. This is not an exhaustive list of all duties and responsibilities. We reserve the right to amend and change to meet business and organizational needs as necessary. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer and a drug free workplace. Please note if you have ever had a felony, mishandled clients monies, or have an assault charge you will not pass our background nor our partners. We are a team within one of the largest and fastest growing IMO?s in the Insurance Industry which was established with the goal of helping to bring balance to the professional and personal lives of independent insurance agents and agency builders across the country. The link to our website for more information is below: By focusing on a more balanced distribution of commissions, SFG is truly committed to sharing the wealth of opportunity with you, all while delivering high levels of service and training to our sales force. IndependentContractor-VehicleforSuccessfulBAOwnersSalesPersons from Job Portal https://www.jobisite.com/extrJobView.htm?id=134295

[classycollectorartisanposts-blog]

north carolina insurance exam prep

"north carolina insurance exam prep

north carolina insurance exam prep

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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How do individuals benefit from having health insurance? What are the sources from which an individual can obtain health insurance? Why do you think the government provides insurance to older and poorer Americans? What are your opinions of this practice? Why is health insurance likely to become a bigger and more complex issue in the future? Is health insurance a current events issue today? Why or Why Not?

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Hi, im looking to buy my first car with some money im getting from school; it will be used of course but i would like to know if anyone can give me insight on insurance costs. I will soon be 21 years old, have had a license for about a year and a half, and i have one accident on my record (possibly) that happened almost a year ago while driving my sister's car; and i was not listed on thier insurance as a driver does that make a difference? With all that being said how much could i expect to pay for insurance? Oh and i live in Philadelphia,PA if that helps with answers. Also what additional fees should i expect to encounter outside of insurance? Thanks!""

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California teen insurance question?

How much would insurance for a 16 year old beginning driver in a 25,000 car in California be. Thanks in advance friendly Yahoo Answers users :)""

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im trying to get a ninja 250 from around the year 2000, im 16 and need full coverage insurance. I hear the insurance is about 200-300 a year? why yearly and not monthly insurance payments like my truck?""

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hello i am a 18 years old i am lucky enough to have a very good job so i can afford to spend alot of money for a 18 year old on a car i am looking to spend around 11k in all even tho the cheaper the better its not buying the car that is the problem its the insurance on the cars i want to buy all being around 4k for any half decent cars ?? any help would be grateful for some facts and figures .... cheers alex

Car Insurance Question - will I have to pay if I cancel?

I am going to cancel my car insurance because I have not been driving my car - at all. It needs some work so it's been sitting at my house for a few months now. I kept the insurance going because I didn't want to have an uninsured vehicle in the parking lot and be blamed if someone hit my car. I pay $150/month which is crazy especially when not using the car. I am going to cancel the insurance because I am able to use another car. I have a bill due on the 13th - if I cancel today will I have to make this payment? Thanks in advance :) !

1992 BMW 850I CALIFORNIA INSURANCE PRICE?

IM 19 YEARS OLD I PAY $115 FOR MY TOYOTA MR2

I have a B average(4.0/5.0). will it lower the cost of insurance for my dad?

So my friend told me that if i have a B average, it will lower the cost of insurance for my dad, but idk if its true. im 15 and about to get my license in 4 months and i dont get in any trouble and i have a 4.0/5.0 gpa and on my last report card, my grades were A B B B C C. so will it lower the cost of my insurance?""

How should i best pay car insurance?

Okay, so I'm trying to understand car insurance. It says my premium is $833.75 which I guess is the total amount for the insurance for the entire year. I pay $157/month for the full year which is $1000 over that premium. Is that correct? Can I change my month to month plan to annual and just pay the rest of what I owe up front to save me money? Why does it cost so much more month to month?""

I'm 21 years old and i work full time&i live at home with my parents&im pregnant what benefits do i get?

I'm 21 years old and i work full time&i live at home with my parents&im pregnant what benefits do i get?

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i got 3 bans but now legal and got a new job as a delivery driver should i tell my insurance company and would it make my insurance cheaper

I need super cheap health insurance?

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Are there life insurance policies for seniour citizens?

Are there life insurance policies for seniour citizens?

How much does insurance cost?

in california? my mother is on a stupid hmo, i was wonderingif i paid for a better insurance if it would get better.""

""On Average, How Much are braces without insurance?""

I Love my top row, they are just fine, but my bottom front teeth need alignment. i want to get braces for the bottom half only, and i wonder how much it would cost, due to the fact i don't have dental insurance.""

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Hello, I was rearended (not my fault) and I called my insurance companyt to let them know what happened. The car is insured and at the time of the incident was insured under my mother because I am under 21. Now two months later I am receiving a letter that I am being kicked out of my insurance unless my parents insure me. So what do I do in this situation. I find this situation very unfair because why do we need two people insured on one car? Can you offer any insight?""

Why is motorcycle insurance insane for everything but cruiser types?

I called Geico and they quoted me on a bunch of motorcycles. Cruisers were the only reasonable ones, but I thought the other types (sport, standard, touring, offroad) that I got quotes on were riduculously high! I even asked about the ninja 250 and that was 4 times the amount of a 750 shadow. How is that possible?""

north carolina insurance exam prep

north carolina insurance exam prep

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Do any of you have insurance?

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After a DUI how much does it cost for new car insurance if you are dropped by your old insurance company?

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looking for car insurance?

""An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy.?""

An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy. A 21-year-old male has 0.999 probability of living for a year. a. From the perspective of a 21-year-old male (or his estate), what are the values of the two different outcomes? The value if he lives is _____ dollars. The value if he dies is _____ dollars. b. What is the expected value for a 21-year-old male who buys the insurance? The expected value is ______ dollars. c. What would be the cast o the insurance if the company just breaks even (in the long run with many such policies), instead of making a profit? _____ dollars. d. Given that the expected value is negative (so the insurance company can make a profit), why should a 21-year-old male or anyone else purchase life insurance? O A person who buys a one-year policy will expect to make a profit. O Insuring the financial security of loved ones compensates for the negative expected values. Please show your work""

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I know no one can say exactly what my rate would be, but if I could get a ball park figure, that would be great. I live in Lakeland, Florida. I'm have State Farm, have never been ticketed for anything, get the steer-clear and good grades discounts. I am currently on my mom's plan. I would either stay on her plan with the motorcycle as my only personal vehicle, or would have my own car and my bike. I will take the MSF course before getting my license. I will be 20 when I get my bike. I would be getting a 250cc bike to learn on, and probably trading up for a 600cc later. Where would my rates fall for a 250cc bike and a 600cc bike? I would be listed as a primary driver on my mom's plan. I know insurance is full of variables, but if anyone could possibly give me any ballpark figure, I'd appreciate it! Thanks""

Do I need car insurance if I drive on a learner's permit with a parent?

Also, do I need car insurance if I drive with a driver's license and with a parent. Also, this car is not mine, it is my parents.""

Pay the Extra Premiums for Whole Life Insurance Quotes?

I currently have a term life insurance policy and am considering converting it to a whole life policy. I'm married with no kids. My wife has her own life insurance and retirements already in place. We are not going to have children. The main reason I was interested in the Whole Life was the investing portion to supplement my current mutual fund retirement. Should I pay the extra premiums for the Whole life or should I keep the term life and put the extra money into a Roth IRA? Any advice would be great. Thank you

Republicans: If your wife or mother died of breast cancer due to Blue Cross terminating her insurance on a?

flimsy excuse, how would you react? This is exactly what happened in California and several women died due to lack of treatment. As a Republican, would you Glad Hand the exectutive responsible for increasing profits, just take the court settlement and start your life over, or would you hunt down the exectutive responsible for her death and avenge it?""

Where can i get individual health insurance for me and my daughter that also covers pregnancy in connecticut?

I need to get health insurance for me and my 1 year old daughter. I am planning on becoming, or possibly already am pregnant but need insurance for us. Any help? This is in CT, so it is a state that does not require individual policies to cover pregnancy.""

""Car Insurance, ammended details of profession lead to increased premium?""

My car insurance company rang me two weeks ago asking to update my details. I was previously registered as a student and unemployed but changed this to working part time as an admin assistant. A week ago I received my new certificate of insurance but today they rang me to say that my premium had increased by 150! I find this difficult to understand how changing my profession from student to admin could whack up my premium by this much. At the same time they offered me a new deal from another insurer , which they claimed would be cheaper, but I refused over the telephone as I felt too confused at the time. Now they told me that they will be sending me the bill to pay off the new increased premium. Can anyone help me confirm whether insurance companies can do this? I am not driving my car any more than I previously had and I cannot see as how my new job increases the risk of me having an accident!! Thanks""

""Can I own a car, but be covered under my mom's insurance policy?""

Im 17, and I live in Indiana. Right now I own a car, but the title is in my mom's name, and I am insured as the only driver of that car under her insurance policy. Can ...show more""

Motorcycle insurance for a 17 year old?

im interested in getting a bike (CF Moto V5), and i was wonder what would be a close estimate to the yearly cost? thank you.""

""If I get an insurance quote from a price comparison site, am I guaranteed the cheapest price?

Is there likely to be hidden costs?

Will insurance rate rise...?

I'm a sixteen year old driver in Florida and a few weeks ago I accidentally bumped into someone's car. The damage on both cars was very minimal and the other driver has not done anything. A cop, however, did write me a ticket. I'm wondering what effect (if any) this will have on my insurance rate seeing as it is my first ticket, and how or if I could avoid this by getting the points off my license. Thank you very much.""

""Spouse suspended license, live together, can I get auto insurance?""

Actually, it is my son in law who has a suspended license. My Daughter's policy was canceled and she wants to start a new policy, but she says that no insurance company will touch her because she lives with someone with a suspended license. Is this for real? Sound like a bunch of hog-wash to me. She lives in Massachusetts.""

How old to Sell Life and Health Insurance in Kansas?

Today I had an interview for Penn Life Insurance, and Im 17. He told me to join license2go so they could prepare me for my license test, and then to take my test. Well I was wondering if I had to be 18 to sell insurance? how would I approach him on this manner?""

Question on car insurance?

i have progressive and i was wondering if i would be able to swtich my insurance from one car to a different one. my current car got its sub frame pretty bent up and theres no fixing it. so im looking for a diff car. so when i do get my other car. will i be able to switch my insurance over to the new one?

Denied for life insurance thru employer?

Met life denied me for life insurance. Met Life sends a denial letter to my employer....Can I get fired for that...The life insurance company stated they cannot disclose any info, however, can Human Resources call me in and ask me why? It is a company life insurance...... I would think this is a privacy or Hippa Issue......Need some help..""

Geico insurance raised my rate after first installment payment?

I was online last nigh getting insurance quotes,and found Geico to be the cheapest. So I purchased a new 6 month policy at a good price and was happy. But now today I got an E-mail ...show more""

08 lancer gts or 08 altima coupe what would be best for 17 year old and cheaper on insurance?

I want one that's fun to drive it has to be reliable I don't want to race but I do want a little speed I want whatever is cheaper on insurance and I'm stuck between these two cars what do you guys think?

north carolina insurance exam prep

north carolina insurance exam prep

Self employed and need affordable health insurance for self and children?

Self employed and need affordable health insurance for self and children?

""I'm looking for fullcoverage insurance that is cheap ,but i'm under 25 so what is the cheap campany around?""

Ft.worth ,bedford,euless hurst?""

Will getting a car permit/License increase tax?

I wanted to get my permit and then license as soon as possible. My mom however says by driving there will be an increase on tax she has to pay. Does she mean insurance? I'm not sure what she means by that, so can anyone explain?""

Cheap car insurance uk?

My car insurance is due, anyone know the cheapest company to go with? I'm a 19 year old guy with 2 years no claims and no convictions. The cheapest I found on a comparison website was 1300. any help would be appreciated. Thanks""

What companies provide auto insurance for adult learners?

What companies provide auto insurance for adult learners? I am an international student in Ohio. I am older than 21. I get a learner's permit recently and am now looking to buy auto insurance. I am independent and can not be added to other people's policy. I have been searching the Internet, including Yahoo! Answer, for one week to buy auto insurance for adult learners. It seems the majority say I have to be added to other people's policy. Some say I can do it by myself without giving further details. It seems that no insurance companies are willing to give me a quote considering my situation. GEICO is willing to give me a quote one month before I get my DL. Are there some companies that give adult learners' auto insurance? Thanks in advance.""

Do I need motorcycle insurance?

Do I have to get motorcycle insurance? If so, whats the absolute cheapest insurance i can get?""

Do you have to have car insurance?

like the car has liabilty, but i will soon get my liscense and i am wondering if it is required by law for me personally to have insurance.""

2004 WRX STI insurance for a 16 year old in arizona?

16 year old, arizona, good grades, took the safety class and driving school thing, how much you think insurance would be for an sti?""

""Why is my car insurance for my 1st car, 2500 and my friends insurance is only 1500 for his 1st car??""

Why is my car insurance for my 1st car, 2500 and my friends insurance is only 1500 for his 1st car?? This is confusing me, both our annual milage is estimated to be 5000 miles, they are both in group one insurance groupes, they are both a 1.1L etc, everything is the same apart from the make of the vehicles. I have treid other vehicle qoutes, but yet my insurance qoute is still 2500, and my friend qoutes is only 1500.""

""What is the cheapest car to insure, and what makes insurance go up and down?""

Well, i'm 17 and i want a car. I've been going on all the price comparison websites and lately prices have been going up, alot. Not too long ago you could get a 1.6 Focus, 02 reg - for around 2.5k. Now it seems that a 1L corsa is in excess of 4,000? I've just been looking now, and i can get a 1.4L Nova Saloon '92 reg, for less that the price of a 1L Corsa, '99 reg. What's going on here, both cars are completely standard. Also, what makes insurance go up and down? And please, don't just post about group 1 insurance vehicles, because i cant afford a new/nearly new car.""

Insurance on an 2006 chevrolet equinox?

My parents are buying me a used one for my birthday in a few months. I am suppose to buy the insurance for my vehicle though I was wondering about how much it would cost for a 16 year old? Also I have a daughter that would be riding with me most of the time, I dont know If that has to be added into the insurance cost of not? Im kind of clueless, thanks for your help!""

Car insurance at 17. help needed?

Am 17 and just passed my test :), I was looking at the three following cars: - Renault Clio (1.2) - Vauxhall Corsa (1.2) - Peugeot 206 (1.1) All post 2000 pre 2003. Which insurance company is cheapest at my age and can anyone give me rough evaluations on how much it cost them/ would cost? Thanks.""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old now?

hi im sixteen i dont know where to look for the amount every site i go too wants too much information if you can find one for me my zip is 17325 or give me an estimate. thanks!

Cheap auto insurance for mid-california...?

i had a accident in december last year and a speeding ticket doing 90 in a 55 last year.. 2 different occasions. i am buying a 2002 jeep grand cherokee laredo and wheni went to geico they said my quote was like $406 a month.. thats crazy. progressive was $199 a month.. but it still seems outrageous... cant i find it cheaper than this? please help..... im 23 female who has had my license for 7 years since i was 16, never had it revoked or anything.. how do i get my rates to go down?""

Car insurance for a 19 year old?

Ok about a few Weeks ago I was involved in a wreak, I had no license and was not under my parents insurance. Luckily i didn't go to jail cause I was rear ended. Now I'm attempting to get A drivers license after SO long I've been begging for one, The only thing that's held me back from getting one was my parents because they said i would be tagged on into the insurance, and that I had to go under another address. Now after the wreak they said I cant get one, because once the insurance finds out im driving, they'll automatically add me on, is this true? I want to get back on the road and walking is pretty bad knowing i have a car ive been paying for the [ast two years for. BTW I live in Texas and under state farm.""

How much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california?

how much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california? lets say i get a bmw or porsche how much will it be?

Can a vehicle be registered and insured to different people?

i want to register the car in my name but ... the insurance will be cheaper in my boyfriends name... can we do that?

Van with low insurance? HELP?

My car broke down, and i need a van pronto. I am a professional dog walker and need wheels all the time as cover a large radius. This is a perfect time to take the step into have a van. I only want something small. which i can split the back into two sections so can carry two dogs at a time. similar size as a renult kangoo, transit connect, vahxall combo - that sort of size van. It needs to be a low insurance group - as i have 4 years driving but no commerical No claims only car no claims - which ive been told doesnt count on a commercial policy. also needs to be diesel and a very small engine like 1.3 or something as i do so many miles and fuel costs atm. I have around 3000 to spend on a van. Any direction as to a suitable van, that fit my requirments would be fab! Ive been looking all night and cant find anything :( Thank you!!!!""

Which is best health insurance?

I was wondering whats the best insurance for me im 18 live with my parents dropped out dont go to college plan to get my ged soon. But i have to get some blood work done for my doc out of state and the place i called said its 832$ i can pay for it but im thinking i should jus get insurance since im going to go on TRT soon prehaps.. so what Health insurance can cover my blood work and hopefully everything in future also im not a citizen but i am a green card holder does it make a difference? thanks i didnt reread this so sorry for any errors

What is the best way for me to compare California Health Insurance companies?

It's open enrollment time and I would like to compare health insurance companies without having to go into each and every individual insurance website. Is there a website with a grid for this? If there isn't, someone should create one! Thanks for any advice --""

Which minivan has the cheapest insurance for a NEW driver?

looking at second hand minivans - been doing some rough online insurance calculations but so far all above 1000. any body know any minivans which will have a low insurance for a NEW driver

Accident in a WalMart parking lot and the other party's insurance denied my claim... any advice?

Hi everyone, I would appreciate your ideas regarding the following situation: My son had a car accident last week in a nearby WalMart parking lot (Dallas, Paulding County, GA). He was driving down a parking lane and hit a car which came out of nowhere cutting across the aisle. Both vehicles had extensive damage (front of the vehicle on our car, and driver side on the other car). There was a gentleman who saw everything and called 911. The sheriff's deputy arrived at the scene promptly. He explained there would be an accident report, but since this happened in a private parking lot, he was not in a position to state who was at fault. I got the report the other day and it states the facts about the accident and gives the contact information for the witness. I have spoken with the other driver's insurance company three times and I just found out that their claims rep has determined that my son was at fault, so they have denied my claim. The claim with them was actually originally filed by the other driver. I politely asked to speak with a supervisor and was advised that I should expect to receive a call from a supervisor soon. I did not get a chance to talk to my insurance rep after I found out the other insurance denied the claim, but I am not sure if there is anything my insurance can do for us, especially given the fact that we only have liablity coverage on this vehicle (no collision coverage either). I think it is really outrageous how they could claim my son was at fault, if all evidence points to the fact that their insured was driving across the parking lanes and obviously did not see our car. I cannot find anything online (like traffic regulations) that explicitly says that the driver cutting across the parking lanes is at fault if there is a collision, but I think it is common sense that this should be the responsible party! If anyone has had a similar experience, or has any suggestions, your help will be very much appreciated!""

What 600cc Sports Bike is cheapest to Insurance?

Cheapest i got some far is 750 on a honda CBR 600 im looking at not spending more then 500 on insurance

What companies provide auto insurance for adult learners?

What companies provide auto insurance for adult learners? I am an international student in Ohio. I am older than 21. I get a learner's permit recently and am now looking to buy auto insurance. I am independent and can not be added to other people's policy. I have been searching the Internet, including Yahoo! Answer, for one week to buy auto insurance for adult learners. It seems the majority say I have to be added to other people's policy. Some say I can do it by myself without giving further details. It seems that no insurance companies are willing to give me a quote considering my situation. GEICO is willing to give me a quote one month before I get my DL. Are there some companies that give adult learners' auto insurance? Thanks in advance.""

""20, female, just passed test.. cheapest car to insure?""

Hi, So I passed my test today :). But I want some ideas on cars cheap to insure.. either on my own or on my dads insurance with me as a second driver.. Also having a baby in 8 week so would be better being a 5 door, but I can cope with 3.. Some cars I've thought of are.. Corsa Clio Focus Fiester KA Polo Punto Any piston heads out there to help me out and give me some ideas of age and engine I'm best going for for cheap insurance please help :) Thanks""

north carolina insurance exam prep

north carolina insurance exam prep

Is it cheaper to pay for car insurance for an entire year vs monthly or quarterly?

Also do you know about how much it would be a year? I am 20, I am not married, however I own a home (well have a mortgage) so I do have homeowners insurance and I was going to go to the same place I have that to get a discount. I have never had any tickets or accidents. I am looking for a new vehicle right now so the money I have saved for a down payment I would like to put some of it towards the insurance for a year and I am going to be paying payments on the vehicle so I have to get full coverage. If you have no idea then an estimate of what you pay would be nice too. I was on someone elses policy until now so I don't have a very good idea at all about the general cost of insurance. Also I am going to go with State Farm""

Is it cheaper to pay for car insurance for an entire year vs monthly or quarterly?

Also do you know about how much it would be a year? I am 20, I am not married, however I own a home (well have a mortgage) so I do have homeowners insurance and I was going to go to the same place I have that to get a discount. I have never had any tickets or accidents. I am looking for a new vehicle right now so the money I have saved for a down payment I would like to put some of it towards the insurance for a year and I am going to be paying payments on the vehicle so I have to get full coverage. If you have no idea then an estimate of what you pay would be nice too. I was on someone elses policy until now so I don't have a very good idea at all about the general cost of insurance. Also I am going to go with State Farm""

Does getting a ticket without losing points increases your insurance price ?

I just got a ticket for driving my car without having my drivers license with me. Altough it's better than 128$ and 2 points, its still 52$. The thing im wondering though is will my insurance company charge me more because of that even if I didnt lose points on my drivers license ? Thanks""

What would happen to my dad's insurance?

My friend was driving my car and he has no insurance when we got pulled over. The cop asked for license and registration. My friend gave his license, but he gave my insurance information and my registration information (which is under my dad's). Would we get penalized for it? Would my dad's insurance rate go up?""

Add Car to Insurance for Just a Week?

Has anyone ever added a car to their insurance for just a week. The car is my parents and they have insurance under geico and I have insurance under progressive. We are going out of town and would like to borrow the car but to be on the safe side we would like to add it to the insurance for the time we are outta town. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Car insurance question?

My mom finaced a car for me in Montana its in her name but i pay the car payment. I live in Colorado. even though she has car insurance already on the car in her name... can i get full coverage in Colorado in my name? so say fro example if i crash it The car will still be covered. is that against the law? please help. thanks

How can i find the name of insurance company with the policy number?

I need to find out the name of the insursnce company with the policy number

I was in an auto accident without insurance. What am I facing?

I was in a car accident yesterday. I live in California. I had no insurance at the time, although I was unaware that my girlfriend had not sent in my quarterly paryment and was actually driving without insurance for almost 3 months. The day after the accident I went in to the Highway Patrol's office and spoke to the officer who took the report and informed him I discovered I had no insurance. He didnt seem all that concerned and thanked me for going in. As for the accidnet itself, I belief I will be found at fault as I did not brake in time and rear end a small car who in turn hit the car infront of her. I was traveling at about 30 mph when I started to brake and I heard the firefighter at the seen tell the chp he thought it was 25-30 mph. If anyone could tell me what I am facing legally and finacially. I read online I will automatically have a one year driver's license suspension. Is this accurate and is this all? WIll I ge a ticked or fine? I would also like for someone to rule out jail time. The driver immediately infront of me had good damage to the back of her car and was taken to the hospital with minor injuries. Her daughter called me the day after the accident and told me she was at her house but wanted her car fixed soon because she wanted to return home in another state. I suggested she call her own insurance and let them know I was inot insured. THe other driver in front and her passenger were also taken to the hospital with minor injuries and their car had minor damage when I looked at it at the time of the accident. I have not heard from them. Financially can anyone tell me what I am facing? I understand I will be responsible, but I also understand that the other parties' insurances will have to cover their own drivers. If so will I simply be responsible for their deductable. I am more concerned with the legal aspects than the financial. I am an single father of three and need to be there for my kids. Thank you to whoever can help!""

How Accurate Is The Progressive Auto Insurance Website Quote's?

How Accurate Is The Progressive Auto Insurance Website Quote's?

Will my car be fixed even though car insurance runs out?

Hi there. A car came into me the other day and bumped my car, I have fully comp insurance which runs out january 11th in my mums name, but i am the named driver. The car will have to have quite a bit of work done so im guessing it wont be fixed before this date. The other drivers insurance will be paying for the cost, the insurance and car is in my mums name, and I want to change myself to the owner (official through DVLA) and take out my own insurance before 11th instead of renewing with the smae company. Will they carrying on fixing the car if the insursance who have delt with the claim has run out, also will if be wrong if the car was in my name before the car was returned to my mum. I hope this makes sense, and i hope someone can help thanks.""

Florida motorcycle insurance?

So I have a small 49 cc scooter that is street legal and I drive through the roads like everyone else. In Florida it's not necessary to have insurance on this small of an engine bike, so I don't. My question is, in the case of an accident that's NOT MY fault such as a car rear ends me at a traffic light or any other incident, can I still claim anything? Will the other persons insurance still fix or replace my bike? Will the other persons insurance cover me in any needed doctor visits?""

Should I show the car repairman the insurance estimate?

I was in a wreck that the insurance company of the other driver agreed to pay for. They made an estimate and said they will put a check in the mail. They said that if it costs more than the estimate, then they will take care of that also as long as I show the estimate to the repairman. That seems straightforward... and on the other hand: With other car issues, auto shops have seemed to be willing to underbid each other. I wouldn't mind getting it fixed for less than the check that I'm going to receive. Should I try to get estimates that are independent of the insurance company's estimate to see if I can save money? If I then go with a shop that says they can do it for cheaper, can I trust that they won't say it will be more later?""

'occasional driver' Car insurance?

Hi, I'm 18 and I'll be heading off to college in the fall and so won't be home very often. However when I am home I'd like to be insured on my dads car. I don't see the point in having to pay the same price for car insurance as someone who drives almost daily, so I wanted to know if there was a type of car insurance for the 'occasional' driver. I'll only be home on vacations, and even then I won't be driving all the time, but I really need a car insurance for when I do drive, mostly summers.""

How do insurance companies determine fault?

I was in an accident. My insurance company told me I was 0% at fault and the other driver 100% at fault. The other insurance company said i was 50% at fault and the other driver was 50% at fault. what happens next? who suppose to agree with who?

What is an affordable health insurance for a 61 year old woman?

my mother needs a new helath insurance plan. any suggestions?

Will this have high insurance?

i was thinking about buying a 2010 vw gti coupe or sedan. manual or automatic. is insurance on this high for a younger guy? it has a turbo on it. but it only adds i think 25hp coming out to about 200. would a sedan and automatic be cheaper insurance than a coupe/manual?

Which auto insurance company offers the best six month rates for a 19 yr old male?

im looking for a company public or private where i can get a 6 month premium for under $2500. the rates i get or ridiculous. am i expected to cough up $6500 for a 1 yr premium at minimal coverage with all discounts (6 hr class, vin ethching,etc.)included in the premium? thanxxx in advance for ur help""

Canadians-What's a good insurance company for motorcycles?

I live in Halifax, NS and looking for good insurance rates. Also, what type of insurance should I get? Full coverage? I would like to insure my soon-to-be 2000 Kawi Ninja 250. I've already put this up before, but I got a lot of answers for AMERICAN companies, I'm looking for Canadian. Thanks.""

Is the company allowed to change my insurance price?

Is my company allowed to change the insurance price when i call them and change my occupation details? For example i have been put down as a student but now a couple weeks later i left college and right now i am working. Are they allowed to change the fees, etc? I have a tracking device from the company fitted in my car as well.""

Can an insurance company drop your auto insurance any time?

I have had 3 claims in 4 years. The first two claims where while living in another state. I since moved and just put in my third claim today (first claim with this company). My insurance payment really isn't all that high, about $75 monthly. The lady told me today that it would go up 10% if the cost was over $750. (it will be) She said this didn't effect my insurability or anything, but what if I had another accident in a year?? The real question is, can an insurance company drop you for any reason at any time? Some have said no, only within the first 60 days, others say yes, absolutely any time. What's the right answer?""

Cheap car insurance!!!?

hello i am a 17 year old boy looking for cheap car insurance what is the best car and the best company to go with with to get the cheapest prices.

Classic car insurance for new drivers?

Hello. Can you get classic car insurance for a new just test passed driver. If the car is say a 1.1 escort or similar and the driver is over 30 years old? or is it verboten until at least 2 years have passed driving with normal insurance? Thankyou.

""RX8 or BMW Z4, who has the highest insurance?

Does the 2004 RX8 (lol used for racing) have higher insurance than the 2004 BMW Z4?

Best child Plan or best insurance plan or Mutual funds ?

hi iam 30 year male from india working in merchant navy..i want to invest for future of my child through monthly investment of Rs.5000..please suggest me right way to achive my goal of getting good amount when my child reaches age of 18...i already have LIC jeevan anand..with cover of 10 lakh..and i am also depositing 70.000 p.a in P.P.F...so where u should think i invest to get maximum returns..??

What is the difference between a liability vs full coverage insurance for motorcycles?

also, what is the cost of each insurance? And which one should I get? I am 18 and going and live in PA. Thanks to anyone who could help.""

north carolina insurance exam prep

north carolina insurance exam prep

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