#nope but let's get it done
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kicking biting maiming want to sleep
#what do i have okay#library modules (going to lose it)#fuckingggggg#ancient greek exercise#latin translation of catullus and horace#ugh those bitches#uh latin assignment#and then the reading for the bullshit unit#plus ideally checking over my latin grammar again#latin also includes studying my vocab and reading my class notes#oh and wash my hair#but it's quarter past 10 at night and i have to be up in 8 hours do i have the time or energy?#nope but let's get it done#this is a cry for help#oh and attention that too lol
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Why are we as a fandom not talking more about this scene ??
Clive is literally asking the professor to come back and stop him. Like this isn't him pretending to be Future Luke : he looks genuinely upset/displeased even after the professor promises to come back. He only goes back to smiling after the professor says, and I quote "I wouldn't dream of leaving things here in that state" before talking about stopping his future self. Clive wants confirmation that Layton is actually going to confront the bad guys, that he won't just solve the mystery but fix it too.
And this is literally so important. Clive's speech at the end, about getting saved. This is concrete proof that he had truly meant it from the start, because he's asking for Layton to stop him and thus save everyone here. Which, hey- he didn't just hope and wait to get saved, he tried to save himself too.
Yep, that's right. The game talks about how dangerous it was for Clive to bring Layton underground : it doesn't talk about how even more dangerous it was to let him leave. He could have brought back cops (he did). He could have gathered precious knowledge out there (he did). He could have never come back (and yet he did !!). Clive letting Layton leave is the biggest threat to his plan, and yet HE DID. And you know what else he did ? Make Layton promise to stop him. You can't make a clearer call for help, you just can't.
"Oh but it doesn't make his crimes more forgivable, now does it-" of course not. This isn't about Clive's redemption, it's about Clive trying to avoid needing a redemption : his efforts are vain the moment he started using the fortress. But. There were efforts.
#Damn Syl ! Back at it again with the nonsense/stating the obvious !! <3#Actually nope I don't care. I know how it feels when your self is working to achieve a goal your essence is actively against.#You just feel TERRIBLE. Shouldn't I give in ? I want to give in. It feels wrong but fighting it feels even worse. I'm tired#This exchange is so important. The despair. Asking for help when he knows at that point he's not getting saved it's too late#Like he's been working on the mecha he knows it's done he knows he's starting it. He knows Layton will be his enemy#And yet he still asks him to fix things. He still lets him go when Layton would have understood if it wasn't possible#It's about Clive asking/trusting Layton to keep the fight going and win even when Clive himself knows he can't keep fighting#I feel like I'm repeating myself. It's 2am and I'm sleepy ahah but I needed to get this one out <3#clive dove#professor layton and the unwound future#professor layton and the lost future#unwound future spoilers#lost future spoilers#My analysis#(Scheduling this one to post when I'm sleeping. I wonder how this one will go lol)
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Subtitles below the keep reading:
Hey you, shut your mouth and look at my paw! DON'T FORGET!! [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] This... Journey... Money... Loads of coins. [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] What-about-her? What-about-her? ... What-about-her? 'She still like me? [Quiet but mostly incomprehensible gibberish about subtitles] O P S O P N O-1 1. Here's the spell: Love the mermaid, for sure! The mermaid is HAPPY! Okay! It's pretty normal for a fish, right? Guuuyyyssss, beeeee caaarefuuulll wiiiiith theeee GIIIIIRRRRLSSS!!! [Incomprehensible] Oh! Silly! Oh yes! Lamb chop boy! [Incomprehensible] [Very quietly, while white noise is playing over it] Goood eevening, aand weeelcome too the shoooowww... [In the background] Ohhh, mooney!
#video#elevenlabs#i generated three versions of this video and basically spliced together the best parts from each one into one thing#and also toned down the flashing of the red and white pound signs to be a lot slower#i'm honestly surprised how well everything spliced together. i was expecting it to be even a little bit noticeable but. nope apparently not#i did a few generations of meet the spy's intro and tried to splice together the best bits but theres just so much happening with the audio#there's a lot of funny portions of that audio. maybe i'll try again at it and see if i cant get the parts i like in one thing#truthfully i also don't know how much folks'll like these. as in compared to around the time the infomaniac stuff was made#so i'm not sure how much of these i'll be putting together and uploading. mostly just been fucking around and showing my friends#i'm mostly just intrigued to hear what the ai tries to say with some of these generations#since it's just trying to translate from one language to another#in this case. providing videos in english. and setting the translation from russian to english.#which seems to be the best thing so far (that i've tried) that causes more of the words being said to be off-script#like it'll usually most be like whats originally being said mostly but other times it's completely different from the source#i think this dub shows it best. between ''hey you. shut your mouth and look at my paw!'' and ''love the mermaid. the mermaid is happy!!''#i am also officially out of characters to generate more so i won't really be doing more than what i've already done for a while#i wanted to try and give it a video that plays backwards. flip that. then let it dub over it forwards.#but i'd have to wait until i get the character limit reset
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kate bush if she used letterboxd: ill put it on the watchlist
#is this anything. sorry im browsing letterboxd and the wedding list is stuck in my head#a fun thing i like to do is go through an actors filmography on letterboxd and look at films of theirs you havent seen#and unfortunately sometimes you may find that nope youve already seen all the good ones. only the bad ones are left#and other times you find something to kate bush voice PUT ON THE WATCH . LIST!!!!!#sorry. anyway right now im going through james spaders filmography for personal understandable reasons#insane to me hes only done 49 movies feel like it should be more??? oh well#when i get to hell i will be looking for the people that made the dvds of curtain call without any subtitles or closed captions#i cant process audio bitch . let me understand what that goofy boy is saying. apparently on streaming its got subtitles let me have themmmm#anyway. in this coming winter when i need to cling to things to enjoy i may be watching more movies
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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imagine if instead of having vic mignogna keldeo, we got an iris movie about her relationship with kyurem
#yknow the sinnoh movies also sorta have this issue but i think ik why the unova and kalos movies feel so weird#theyre not character movies#they dont focus on the relationships between the characters or their goals. and if they sorta do its all ash focused but loosely#volcanion did sorta come close through making ash at risk for most of the movie#but even then. idk theres not a lot there for ash as a character if that makes sense#like remember max got a movie with jirachi and may kinda got one with manaphy and lucario was focused#on ash and pikachu’s relationship#heroes was also focused on ash’s strengths as a character and his relationship with the latis was really important#and not all the og movies were like that#like the original wasnt really a character movie for the os trio. but we still frequently got them#and then after sinnoh. its just ‘’let the mythical wiggle at the screen for a bit to promote the games’’#and ik everyone has complained abt this but its so blatant in the keldeo movie especially bc that movie completely breaks the lore to make i#it work#for the sake of just. getting the movie done i guess idk#and its so distracting for kyurem bc the whole point of the alternate forms is that theyre fusions and kyurems trying to make itself whole#nah nope kyurem is just a scary ice monster who does that normally amd theyre just normal changes and not fusions bc thats too complicated#what do you mean we couldve done something legitimately really interesting here with one of the main characters. who cares we gotta get this#out on time#actually i do think some of it probably boils down to deadlines and the movies being an obligation really#tbf the beginning stuff with keldeo was cool. i thought so anyways#but then ash and co get there and its just forgettable#echoed voice
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Anyways, I declare this era as Steven Universe Fixation 2: More Fun, Less Bullshit
#the fandom is more peaceful finally#there's less people being noisy with takes i disagree with#my fics are going to get less traffic thus less chances of rude commenters#i am Not majorly active in any SU servers#i do Not have to deal with my ex friends#instead this is a happy and joyous time for creativity#like legit... i got seven pieces of art done in the past two weeks#and i've written over 5K words since the beginning of the year#it's been so nice to reconnect with old stories#and to start dreaming up new one-shots#i just feel like sometimes i need to grit my teeth and go 'it WILL be different this time'#bc there's nothing i'd hate more than to drag myself into the same patterns and let the same things bother me again#so nope!#we're going to be Better than that#we're going to block when things mildly annoy me#we're going to stop looking at youtube comments#we're going to stop looking through the tags#we're going to focus on creativity instead of comparing to others#so speaketh jen#jen rambles
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i think it's really funny how people just go on the internet and tell lies
#this post is about nightheart#i went into every book following river horrified that theyd ruin him#but man im just#not#seeing it#at all#nightheart is a misogynist? nope! thats the writers#nightheart doesnt respect sunbeam's boundaries? wrong! nightheart has done nothing but respect her boundaries#nightheart undermines frostpaw's problems by comparing them to his? wrong! hes empathizing with her#its to the point im wondering if im reading the same book as you all. how did you get this impression of this dude.#i think the last one in particular stems from nightheart's conflicts not being taken seriously. yes#its dumb#this was never a prior issue for any of firestar's kin#but it is happening#and that shit is so damaging let me tell you#and also#calling him a misogynist is just gross im gonna be so fr#the AUTHORS are misogynistic. we know this. this is not our first rodeo.#that fact just seems to be projected on to nightheart instead of pointing the finger at the erins#it is misogynistic that these characters are being conveyed the way they are. but the fact remains is that its whats on the page#and nightheart has every damn right to be upset about it#AORRY I AM LIKE. PASSIONATE. ABOUT THIS. i like nightheart a lot and see myself in him#i dont think its bad if people dislike him#but a lot of the reasons ive seen arent even valid reasons because they arent accurate representations of his character#tldr; stop blaming the authors' shitty writing decisions on nightheart pleaseee 😇#nightheart#warrior cats#i would not blame anyone if u said i aint rwading allat tbh this was not meant to get so out of hand
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Whoever decided it was a good idea to bake a pie on a fucking wednesday afternoon is a goddamn clown and should be dropkicked into the sun
#🤡#it's me#god it was SO much more complicated than i thought!#i baked pie just a few weeks ago and there was no problem so i figured today would be the same but nooOoO#i can't function in a dirty kitchen so I had to do the dishes first and let my ingredients thaw as most are stuff i buy or gather on sale#and then use when i have energy or want to#but yeah i did the dishes for like an hour and a half yesterday so in my brain baking a pie would just be as easy as me going to the kitchen#and getting started! meanwhile i forgot mom cooked dinner yesterday and somehow that woman uses every goddamn pot and pan in the house when#she cooks#so i had to clean that up plus glasses and utensils and stuff we used since yesterday afternoon#anyway then i started on the actual fucking pie and i semi followed a recipe this time and it called for one and a half TEAspoons of#cinnamon but last time i baked a pie i was just going off my own brain and i used half a TABLESPOON so like. same fucking thing basically#but my brain read the recipe and was like oh that's kind of a lot. double checked yep that says tablespoons okay i mean sally hasnt led me#astray before in it goes THEN MY BRAIN READS IT RIGHT and I'm like fuck#that said 1.5 teaspoons not 1.5 tablespoons#and i had dumped it in on top of other unmixed spices so i couldnt just scoop it out#anyway i think i managed to save it maybe? drained a lot of liquid and reduced it instead and i tasted an apple and it was good though i#havent tried the reduction yet and i only added a little to the pie#AND THEN FOR SOME REASON I DECIDED TO DO A LATTICE CRUST. EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE BEFORE#and did i look at a guide? nope. it took forever#anyway girlie is finally in the oven and if it turns out bad I'm throwing out my oven#my post#baking#this took so much more energy than i was expecting it to#it better be fucking good!
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Astarion is the kind of guy who refuses by all means to snuggle you, or anyone, or just touch people in general.
But I totally just know my barbarian Dragonborn, Korru, would forcefully grab that twig and drag him to bed, then basically grapple clutch Astarion to himself and never let go. Korru falls asleep long before Astarion does, but the strength of the grip on him is too strong. He can't escape. With absolute grump and defeat, Astarion just falls asleep like this, the Dragonborn locking him in place with arms and legs and tail, Astarion having accepted he has no other choice.
The next morning, when both wake up, Korru lets Astarion go free. And the Vampire Elf just scoffs, pushes himself forcefully away, and marches off in silence.
And as the party heads back to camp for another night of sleep, Korru goes to lay down alone.
However, Astarion approaches shyly. He asks sheepishly if Korru can hold him again.
Korru chuckles, smiling, and says sure. He and Astarion lay down, and Korru locks himself around the man. Astarion falls asleep long before he himself does. The sleep for the Elf is nearly instantaneous.
On the third night, the two get ready to sleep once more. However once Korru grapples Astarion, he feels two small hands grab his arm, holding it firmly. Dearly. Carefully. Korru does not move or push them away, he welcomes them.
Eventually the hands are joined with legs and feet. Then, a forehead gently laying against Korru's chest. Before either knows it, Astarion is outright returning the grapple in a sense. It's not the way a warrior would forcefully hold an opponent down. No. This is an embrace. One of love and comfort and trust. It's about vulnerability and protection. And that's when Korru smiles again.
When both wake up next, Korru hugs the waking Astarion close and softly, resting his chin on Astarion's head. He says a good morning, and he swears there's a very quiet "I love you" whispered by Astarion. Korru leans in and kisses his hair once he hears this.
#tav#bg3#bg3 tav#Astarion#gay#i love big beefy horrifying warrior brute falling in love with tiny weak twig guy#beefy warrior man is a gentle giant while his twig lover is sheer wrath and rage incarnate#and both WILL kill for each other but twit man is horrified at the torture his beefy warrior causes#twig guy is like nope kill them get them out of here but warrior man is like make them suffer let them know#what pain they inflicted and let it be returned to them so they die knowing what they've done
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Look. Look.
I need to get it out of my system, okay? I just need to. Immediately
Himmel + cheer up tickles
The reason?
I rest my case. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk I am slowing descending into madness here
#not me literally writing 1863635 tickles hcs about this guy HE MAKES ME LOSE MY MIND#never though I would get attatched to him#literally watching the first ep sent a screenshot of him to my friend saying 'If he dies I'm dropping out'#one minute after I was sending her screams#anyway#never been so close to writing a self insert fic in MY ENTIRE LIFE. probably will commission some art w him in the future LIKE AAAAA#Wanna put him in a mcrowave and SHAKE BECAUSE HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU LEAVE MARKS HOW DARE YOU LEAVE A PIECE OF YOURSELF IN EVERY VILLAG#EVERY FRIEND EVERY ADVENTURE EVERY INTERACTION#and don't even let me start talking about Friern because I will go crazy#this anime broke and healed me so much#Kanene being Kanene#not even going to tag this w the anime I shall perish alone#'oh but kanene when you say a self insert you mean a reade-' nope. i'm dragging my sona by the hand and throwing into that world#and then carefully building an entire background with daydreamed interactions and relationships until I get to the point of cheer up tickle#Gosh haven't done one of those since..... 2018 I think#Time to get my dear oc out of under my bed as it seems
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I HATE COMMUNICATIONS SO MUCH OH MY GOSH
I was doing great! I had a grade of 70% to 100% in every other subject up until this moment. My last class......communications....I watch the lesson video........I do the quizzes......I write the scenarios.........I turn in my work.......I GET THE LOWEST GRADES IMAGINABLE. SCREW YOU COMMUNICATIONS. GIVING ME A 50% AND 0%??? RUDE. SORRY I DIDN'T WRITE A WHOLE 1000 WORD PASSAGE ON THE MEANING OF ETHICS. SORRY IG. my mom is gonna KILL ME
#I got a 0% two days ago too :[#I am NOT passing this class#communications I hate you#I DO GREAT OR OKAY IN EVERYTHING ELSE#EVEN ART IS NICE TO ME!! I GET 100% IN ALMOST EVERYTHING I TURN IN THEY LOVE MY WORDS ABT ART#BUT APPARENTLY COMMUNICATIONS DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME#UGHGHHGGHUG MY MOM IS GONNA READ MY WORK WITH SUCH DISAPPOINTMENT#please please please please let her forget to check my grades today#let me enjoy my weekend tomorrow.......please.........m#how can communications be so hard.. theoretically it should be the easiest class :'D#just overanalyze conversations for an hour......BUT NOPE#can't even enjoy the fact I'm done with my school :[#I hate you communications half of what you teach me makes no sense anyway#kokarambles#complaining hours
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was very brave today (installed a new screen protector for my iPad without crying)
#I'm sweating so much and for what#usually I get it done by a professional but I didn't want to wait#i was like “ive been meaning to replace my phone one for a while lets do that while I'm at it”#and quickly decided that nope one was enough
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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#I'm almost done with this fucking book#wuthering heights#wuthering heights 2009#so far i like the miniseries better#i know stone me#but linton is annoying#baby cathy is a brat although also neglected and definitely isolated like i get it but WHY PUT UP WITH LINTONS BITCH ASS LET ALONE MARRYHIM#also like did emily like her cousin or something#cause this is a lot of cousin lovin for my taste#like someone get that girl to a ball!#dance#outing on the town#EDGAR BOARDING SCHOOL SOMETHING!!#like if i found out my wifes ex lover/my archenemy waltzed into town and basically put hindley outta his misery#i woulda shipped her off to boarding school immediately#like nope no chance go be a lesbian there's nothing here for you#also i will say it again#EVERY PROBLEM IN THIS BOOK COULD HAVE BEEN SOLVED BY EVERYONE REMARRYING#like edgar go get another wife that isn't already in love with someone#and get you a son!#NOW
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Chapter 10 done \o/
#salad-txt#baby steps or something#hey time to bitch in the tags#a few weeks ago I was talking to a coworker (who knows I write) how I aim for 300w/day#and she was - absolutely serious btw - like that's so little#don't you usually do much more is that writer's block#and it's just so discouraging??#yes I did much more when I did nothing fucking else for 4-5 months#no lazying around playing games almost no book read#(also no gw expac in that year lol)#but I can't keep that up or I'll go insane and also can we not underestimate how hard it is to do it literally every day#perhaps it's not quite 300/day but one day 100 and one day 500 but I try to get a bit done every day and have 10k at the end of month#for months. oh a migraine an evening out or whatever. well those missing words keep piling up#i've done multiple nanos before I know that and I need a goal that's low enough I can recover a missed day or two without hating my life#and let's not go to where that also applies for everything else. but you did that once so you must be able to do that again don't be lazy#do you really believe the tone of 'well you did better once before so every other attempt is worthless' is encouraging??#nope makes me stop trying why bother if i am never gonna be good enough or if i am it will make future me more miserable
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