#nooooo the lyrics are so sad and sweet

[bitchybutcher]

Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 2:

-        Gird your loins

-        I’m dying to know more about Black Noir

-        Ugh ffs Homelander smarming about on stage at Translucents funeral

-        It’s an empty box but I suppose how would people know cause invisible corpse

-        WHY IS ANNIE SINGING AT THE INVISIBLE PERVS FUNERAL

-        Aw no straight in with Sad Kevin

-        Oh ok angry drunk Kevin

-        Ugh not these Samaritans Embrace fuckers again

-        Oh Annie. Parroting the company line. I hope she’s gonna fuck them all over

-        SAD HUGHIE OH NO

-        BILLY JOOOOOELLLL

-        Aw Kimiko is learning

-        Her lil smile

-        Oooh Hughie is a liiiiiar

-        Meeting on the subway like a couple shifty teenagers

-        Oh I forgot they microchipped the supes like dogs

-        Oh nooooo young love angst

-        Oh no a Sad Kevin incident

-        Aaaaand he’s been arrested

-        A nice archer bailed him out

-        Omfg the fake Butcher re-enactment

-        Oh do NOT tell me this crazy bastard is gonna drink the frozen breast milk

-        Oh fuck he is

-        What the FUCK, HOMELANDER

-        This visually impaired ninja seems nice

-        That probably means he’s gonna turn out to be a dick

-        OH FUCK

-        Homelander what the fuuuuuck

-        Ok what the shit is happening here in the motel

-        WHAT

-        What the fuuuuuck

-        I – MM is making a dolls house? That’s so cute

-        Oh shit smuggled people

-        Homelander is nuts with power

-        Uhhhh who is Carol and why is she staring at Kevin while he sleeps

-        Finally an archer who is honest about how useless they can be once they run out of arrows

-        Oh noooo are they gonna try brainwash Kevin with homeopathic stuff? And why do they keep offering him Fresca

-        OH FUCK ME NOT ANOTHER RELIGION THING

-        Oh Hughie has grown a pair since last season. Good for him

-        Where’s Butcherrrrrrrr

-        Body gore porn dude is called Gecko that’s too cute a name for him

-        Stormfront seems like fun

-        She’s gonna be pissing off Homelander so much I like her already

-        OH WHAT THE FUCK THE CIA LADYS HEAD EXPLODED

-        I like Stan

-        Giving Homelander the dressing down he needs

-        I know it’s convenient for Toni to wear the padded suit all the time but does Homelander ever wear anything else

-        Oh hiiii Becca I still think you’re a bitch and Butcher deserved better

-        BUTCHERRRRR YASSSSS

-        “Daddy’s home”

-        I’m dead. It’s official.

-        The fuckin smirk and the voice I’m fuckin dead

-        OH NO KEVIN IS TRYING THE CHURCH THING

-        Is he making shroom tea

-        Why is Patton Oswalt voicing Kevin’s gills this is delightful

-        Atrain is awake again that’s not good

-        I’m cracking up at Sad Kevin and his singing gills

-        Homelander is gone way off the deep end oh boy

-        Awwww soft Maeve in the hospital with her girlfriend

-        I want to like Becca but I can’t shake the bad feeling

-        Homelander is a terrible father

-        I mean I know he has no role models to base his parenting on, but yikes

-        It’s like if Scar was raising Simba instead of Mufasa

-        ….are the gang raiding a party city store

-        I love how Frenchie always looks a mix of horrified and amazed whenever Kimiko kills someone

-        AWWW IT’S HER BROTHER YAY

-        Oh shiiiiiiiit

-        Butcher STOP JUST SHOOTING PEOPLE

-        You were right this season is weird

-        I like Kimiko’s brothers bedazzled denim jacket

-        Butcher don’t punch Hughie wtf

-        Starting with Hughie listening to the same song again, nice

-        Butcher is terrible at apologising it’s so cute

-        I’m sorry did Hughie just fall over trying to throw a punch

-        The kid’s a dandelion omg

-        Why are they on a boat? Did Karl just decide “I like being on boats lemme go on a boat”?

-        I see what you mean about Homelander being scary

-        He’s completely insane

-        Why does this storyboard guys shirt say assbinder

-        Chace Crawford is an excessively veiny man

-        BLACK NOIR IS CRYING

-        Or possibly laughing

-        Hard to tell when they have no face

-        Annie actually leaked all the compound V stuff good for her

-        FRENCHIE KISSED HUGHIE

-        Homelander is gonna get this kid killed tryna make him fly

-        Honestly the kid looks more like Hughie

-        OH MY GOD HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF

-        OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOMELANDER YOU CAN’T DO THAT

-        Oop there’s the laser eyes

-        Oh Homelander is back at the Tower and freaking Maeve out

-        OH FUCK THE BROTHER IS LOOSE

-        Hughie don’t do it

-        Oh ok I thought he was gonna jump off the boat

-        Kevin and the cult weirdos are up to something

-        Hughie no you don’t call the girl you like crying over Billy Joel lyrics

-        Oh god boyo you don’t then drop the L word in the same voice message!

-        He’s hopeless

-        Oh nooooo Kevin is attacking the boat goddammit Kevin

-        OH FUCK A WHALE

-        For fuck sake Kevin

-        Ewwwww

-        Butcher what the fuck

-        Hughie having a nervous breakdown inside of a whale

-        No but why is Karl so hot covered in blood

-        Actually I didn’t even need to include the blood part of that question

-        Oh boy here we go, the 7 show up to find Sad Kevin crying over spilt whale

-        ….why is Stormfront tryna get all up in Homelander’s ass?? I thought she was cool but now she’s all lemme suck that radioactive dick

-        OH NO

-        Poor Kevin he’s worked so hard to accept his gills and now Homelander has knocked him back down

-        Oooo dear Atrain is having a heart attack again this isn’t good

-        Oh fuck is Hughie gon get caught

-        Oh no it’s Annie it’s ok

-        OH FUCK

-        ANNIE WHY

-        THAT’S YOUR HUGHIE

-        OH MAN KIMIKO’S BROTHER IS BADASS YES SQUASH THE SMUG PRICK

-        Oh I do NOT like Stormfront holy fuckin shit what’s wrong with this woman

-        Poor Kimiko

-        What’s with the random woman talking about calling off her wedding?

-        Why is Frenchie taking drugs

-        FUCK SAKE FRENCHIE DON’T TRY KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE’S GRIEVING

-        What the FUCK is thiiiiis

-        Is he dreaming or is this the shapeshifter tryna stay alive by granting Homelander some sick wish

-        Yikes I feel bad for Doppelganger

-        I am fascinated by whoever and whatever the fuck Black Noir is

-        MM sees right through everyone’s bullshit

-        I feel so bad for Annie

-        Ooooo Atrain getting fired

-        MM having to put up with Hughie and Annie having a we didn’t start the fire singalong 😂

-        Ok who’s in the weird group therapy sesh with these women with strange views on love

-        Vending machine date so cute

-        Omfg ahahahaha the girl with the Ed Sheeran tattoo

-        I really want to like Becca cause she stands up to Homelander but I can’t shake the suspicions about her

-        I feel bad for Butcher

-        Homelander is a scary good liar

-        Oh shit interviewer lady is pulling out the diversity questions

-        OH FUCK

-        HE’S OUTED MAEVE

-        Poor Maeve what the fuck

-        Ugh Stormfront

-        Shut your racist hole bitch

-        Oh shit Kimiko on the warpath

-        Frenchie! Kimiko listen to him he’s tryna help

-        MM is doing a lotta sharing this episode

-        Ohhhh something bad is gonna come out about this Liberty lady they’re looking for oh fuck

-        Wait WHAT. STORMFRONT IS LIBERTY

-        Stormfront is like 70????

-        She’s really good with social media for an old bird

-        Ohhh fuck Homelander is pisssssssssed

-        Christ you’d know Homelander was an only child

-        Bitch you better not be fucking Butcher over

-        I FUCKIN KNEW IT

-        BECCA YOU RAGING BITCH

-        Got her goodbye fuck then called the supercops on him cause he’s a little broken? FUCK BECCA

-        Oh no Annie don’t give Hughie the “we can’t do this” talk

-        Pick your emo ass up and stop being melodramatic

-        All these women are chatting to Kevin?? Why??

-        Also this most recent one is super weird

-        THEY WERE INTERVIEWING TO BE KEVINS WIFE

-        This cult thing is so fuckin weird omfg

-        KEVIN GET YOUR SAD BUTT OUT OF THE CULT

-        Oh gross not the Doppelganger shit again

-        Doppelganger is really bad at flirting

-        ….

-        WHAT THE SHIT

-        Nonononono don’t do the selfcest

-        Not even Homelander is that fucked up

-        This is super weird

-        Why is Homelander crying

-        OH SHIT HE KILLED HIM

-        Uhhhh are they doing a lesbian scene in a vcu movie

-        Christ that was terrible and way too on the nose

-        “Strong female lesbians”

-        Homelander you himbo fuck what other kind of lesbian do you get

-        I feel bad for Ashley

-        She just wants to do her job well

-        Poor Butcher. His lil heart is broken

-        Oh no baby you’re hurt and upset? That’s so sad let me suck your dick about it

-        Oh no what’s he gonna do

-        BUTCHER WHAT THE SHIT

-        I mean it’s really fuckin hot but still

-        There’s always a cut on the cheekbone

-        “They’ve been moving her around like a Catholic priest” omg HUGHIE

-        Aww he called Hughie his canary

-        Oh shit are Frenchie and Kimiko missing?

-        KEVIN GOT MARRIED

-        BILLY HAS AN AUNTIE

-        Doggiiiiie

-        Awwwww soft Butcher with his dog

-        Aaaand now I feel bad for Atrain cause he’s being kicked to the curb

-        Oh gross this interview with Kevin and his cult wife

-        This is so cringe holy fuck

-        Bring back the Patton Oswalt gills

-        Why are the gangsters discussing musicals specifically Hamilton

-        FUCKING HELL KIMIKO PEELED OFF THAT GUYS FACE

-        Ahahaha the boys showed up at Butchers aunties house

-        The dog’s name is Terror that’s so cute

-        Hahahaha Hughie was holding the fuck pig

-        Why is there a sniper on the roof

-        Oh shit it’s Black Noir

-        Ugh what does Annie’s mom want and why is Stormfront being her friend

-        Oh hey it’s dickless

-        These two writer dudes are hella irritating

-        Poor Elena getting dragged into this shit

-        Yes Maeve scheme against his ass

-        Heartbroken Butcher is so tired

-        He needs a hug

-        Hughie give Butcher a hug please

-        Why is Kimiko in a church

-        Oh hey its Frenchie’s other girlfriend

-        Oh ok Kimiko is doing hits that’s fair

-        The old man just looking away like “I do not see it”

-        Aw no Frenchie don’t break up with Kimiko

-        Oh fuck off Cult Kevin

-        Stormfront again?????

-        Does this bitch ever fuck off

-        DID SHE JUST CALL ATRAIN GARBAGE

-        Wait why is Homelander giving an unapproved speech

-        This is gonna end in someone getting murdered isn’t it

-        OH FUCK

-        That’s a lot more murder than I expected

-        Ohhhh phew ok he was just daydreaming

-        Ashley is gonna go bald from stress

-        I adore grumpy Butcher

-        Omg auntie Judy is a drug dealer I love her

-        Ohhhh shit Homelander is having a nervous breakdown

-        BOBBY FROM X-MEN????

-        Uhhhh why is Homelander talking to Stormfront this can’t be good

-        Ooh MM set a trap this gon be good

-        BUTCHER HAS A BROTHER???? THAT HUGHIE IS LIKE

-        Oop Lenny is dead

-        The random explosions as Black Noir trips the traps

-        Oh shit Butcher locked the others out to face Black Noir alone

-        YES MM

-        OH NO MM

-        YES HUGHIE

-        Oh fuck did he KO Butcher

-        Shiiiit shit shit shit

-        Yes Butcher save your Hughie

-        Oh good they all survived

-        For fuck sake Kevin stop with the cult shit

-        Maeve please save Kevin from the cult

-        Annie why are you sneaking around don’t do it

-        There’s a lot of shots of Annie’s bum

-        What the fuck is Sage Grove

-        Stormfront needs to go choke on a bag of dicks

-        Oh fuck no not Homelander again

-        Uhhhhhhh

-        Stormfront x Homelander was not what I was expecting

-        These two have the WEIRDEST relationship

-        They’re gonna do some really fucked up supe bdsm shit aren’t they

-        Frenchie is Betty White. Fair enough

-        Wait what is happening. Why is Annie letting Frenchie at her with a lil saw

-        Ohhh the chip

-        “This might sting a little” FRENCHIE IT’S A FUCKIN SAW

-        Oh fuck that’s a big chip

-        Oh look it’s loves psychotic dream

-        Well that’s suitably gross

-        Aww Kimiko hugging Annie

-        Butcher is so menacing I love him

-        Kevin tryna be helpful to his buddies he’s so cute

-        NO! NO BAD KEVIN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE JOIN YOUR CULT

-        Kimiko with her brass knuckle

-        Oh man, flowers??? Homelander has it BAD

-        Annie back the fuck off and leave Butcher alone

-        OH SHIT IT’S STORMFRONT AT THE HOSPITAL NOOOO

-        What the fuck is going on at this hospital

-        OH FUCK BOBBY FROM X-MEN IS LAMPLIGHTER

-        Oh shit who got let out

-        What does Cindy do

-        OH SHIT SHE’S THE HEAD BURSTER

-        Aaaaaaand now they’re all out

-        Good job, guys

-        Ewwwwww acid vomit

-        OH NO HUGHIE

-        Are you kidding me?? Annie can’t go all Starlight unless there’s a power source in the immediate vicinity??

-        What kinda fuckin shite superpower is that

-        Aha Butcher agrees with me

-        Ok so I’m guessing Homelander went berserk on set

-        Uhhhh apparently Cult Lunch is a therapy sesh?

-        Atrain get outta there

-        This cult leader guy is an arsehole

-        Hospital escape lookin like a horror survival game

-        Awwww flashbacks to happy times

-        Omfg Butcher with the slicked back hair

-        Welp, Annie just killed a guy

-        Oh shit a baby seat

-        Annie is gonna have a bad case of the guilts now

-        Oh fuck ok Lamplighter killed the kids by accident

-        So Frenchie went to save his friend instead of tailing

-        Oh god that’s the penis isn’t it

-        Stormfront to the…rescue? Maybe? She’s gonna kill Lamplighter isn’t she

-        Oh, no ok she didn’t kill him

-        Aw no sad Butcher cause Hughie’s hurt

-        Oh nooooo Elena found a video from the plane

-        Mallory gon kill sad Lamplighter?

-        Stormfront is coming clean to Homelander? Whaaaa

-        She was buddies with the Nazis??? SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE VOUGHT FOUNDER GUY

-        Oh fuck the head burster is still alive

-        A montage of how Stormfront is brainwashing people into racist attacks, nice

-        I hate Annie’s mom so much

-        Black Noir has just fuckin LAMPED Annie

-        Butchers mum called him 😂😂

-        Oh shit his dad died

-        Why are Hughie and Lamplighter watching knock off supe porn

-        Oh boy a racist rally

-        Homelander just threw Annie under the bus

-        Hughie that’s a really weird pep talk

-        And he’s gonna get Lamplighter killed

-        BUTCHERS MUM IS ADORABLE

-        Oh shit it’s Denethor

-        And he’s not dead

-        Oh fuck he’s why Lenny died?

-        Shit Lenny shot himself

-        Butcher was SAS???

-        WHERE ARE MY PICS OF BUTCHER IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM

-        Ah fuck he’s bringing stepmommy Stormfront to meet the kid

-        I have an urge to run my fingers through Butchers beard

-        Frenchie and Kimiko are too cute she’s teaching him her sign language

-        Is this a cult birthday party?

-        Poor Eagle the Archer. He pissed off the cult so he’s gon be excommunicated

-        Uhhhh kiddo made a Lego film?

-        Good for him

-        I know it shouldn’t be sexy when Butcher starts threatening to brutally murder people in his growly voice, I know, but hear me out: sexy growly voice

-        11/10 would let Karl Urban murder me

-        Oh FUCK Lamplighter killed himself

-        Poor Hughie

-        Why do all the bad things happen to him, like having to saw off a dead guy’s hand with a broken whiskey decanter

-        Annie versus Black Noir, beat his/her ass girl!

-        HUGHIE COME SAVE YOUR ANNIE

-        YAY MAEVE

-        Black Noir has an almond allergy that’s such an off the wall weakness

-        Annie’s favourite chocolate bar saved her life

-        Well Maeve did, technically. But still

-        Omg Hughie accidentally saving Annie’s mom

-        Hughie and Annie are too cute

-        Oh shiiiiit Homelander screwed the pooch and showed the kid everything

-        HAHA SUCK IT BECCA

-        OH SHIT HEADS ARE BURSTING ALL OVER THE PLACE

-        Butcher in his lil jumper

-        For a non-American, this school safety psa video is supremely weird

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS CALLED BOB

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS JUST BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL BUT FANCY

-        Annie’s mom critiquing her choice in boyfriends while in mortal danger is gas

-        And typical

-        The lads going nuts with weapons they’re so happy look at them

-        And Butcher in his lil jumper again he looks so comfy

-        I would very much like to cuddle him in the soft jumper and give him beard scritches

-        Annie ffs let Hughie enjoy his Billy Joel, that’s a good choice

-        Ahahaha Maeve just called Hughie a twink

-        She’s not wrong

-        Oh fuck off Becca

-        Uuuuugh OF COURSE Mr Edgar is in with the cult

-        Oop Atrain overheard all of that

-        Poor Ashley she’s going bald from stress

-        The kid is gonna have a meltdown

-        Poor Hughie with his mom leaving

-        I wonder if she’ll pop up at some point and turn out to be a supe that would be fun

-        ATRAIN YOU CAN’T JUST APPEAR IN A CAR LIKE THAT YOU COULDA KILLED SOMEONE

-        Hold the phone is Homelander actually being a good dad for a minute

-        What the actual fuck is Stormfront on with this white genocide shit

-        Ahahaha the news broke

-        Uh oh the Vought soldiers got caught by Homelander

-        OH SHIT

-        MM BETTER BE OK

-        Becca fuckin constantly squawking about Ryan is so annoying

-        WHY IS KIMIKO LAUGHING

-        It’s adorable but still

-        Oh FUCK she snapped her neck

-        She’ll be fine

-        She’s like a wolverine, snapped neck won’t keep her down

-        AYYYYY MAEVE

-        The lads just watching them kicking the shit out of her like uhhh

-        Oh hey Becca did something useful and stabbed the Nazi in the eye

-        Huh. The kid melted Stormfront

-        Good for him

-        AHAHAHA YES HE GOT BECCA TOO

-        BYEEEEE FELICIAAAAA

-        I mean yeah, heartbroken sad Butcher isn’t nice to see, but Becca sucked

-        Aaaand now Homelander covered in blood has arrived to listen to Stormfront babble in German

-        This is like in those scenes where it’s like oh who will the dog go to

-        Ayyy Atrain got back into the 7

-        Aww poor Kevin getting rejected again

-        See Kevin this is why we don’t join cults

-        Annie thought he was breaking up with her, girl don’t be daft

-        Butcher and the kid, not awkward at all

-        The one lesson Butcher can teach a kid – “don’t be a cunt”

-        Aww happy endings for all the boys

-        Aaaaand a “happy ending” for Homelander too by the looks of it

-        Oh ffs a corrupt politician in with the cult, what a surprise

-        HIS HEAD BURST

-        Wait the politician lady is the head burster? I’m so confused

-        Confusion may have been aided by it being almost 3am

-        Hughie getting a real job, bless him

-        Too bad it’s with the head burster

-        Oh this is such a good song to end the season with

-        Welp, now begins the long wait for season 3, I guess

-        Should I sleep or find fic to read

-        Body says sleep, heart says fic

-        That’s a lie, heart says Butcher

-        ….Butcher fics it is

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best places for young children (chapter 17)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:  

 After the long day at the park, everyone deserves a bit of a cool down

Chapter word count: 2498

AO3

Since the day had been so much more eventful than usual, the boys had decided to head home a little earlier than usual, Tommy insisting on being carried the whole way. He had been whining about his shoes hurting his feet but Phil knew he was probably just upset from all the fighting and needed some reassurance that they were all happy again now. Anyway, it wasn’t as if Phil really minded carrying him at all, albeit he was tall for his age, he was still relatively light.

Once home, all four of them seemed to loiter in the kitchen, nobody really wanting to disperse out in case something bad happened again. Eventually Phil just sighed and started making dinner, deciding that they deserved a proper cooked meal instead of the stuff from Uber eats, he wasn’t exactly a chef though and he didn’t have the widest array of ingredients to choose from so in the end he chose to just make some chicken pasta. It was quick and easy but more importantly it would keep his brothers fed.

“Toms, you wanna help with the sauce?”

Usually Tommy loved helping make meals, going off pouting and whining if he was told he wasn’t able to help. This time was a bit different though, he hadn’t jumped up and sprinted to the oven like Phil had predicted, he hadn’t given him that iconic grin that he always seemed to have plastered on his face. No, instead he got up solemnly and nodded, walking over to where Phil was standing. It was an adorable sight but it would be flat out irresponsible to keep him up when he was so obviously exhausted from the day, Phil would be lying if he said he wasn’t too.

“Oh okay bud, you wanna have a nap before dinner?” Phil chuckled and turned the heating down on the stove before trying to gently guide the youngest into the living room to lay down.

“Nooooo” Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Tommy tried to squirm his way back into the kitchen, wanting to hang out with his brothers “Philll...Come onnn Phillll I’m not a baby I can stay awake”

“Didn’t say you were, naps aren’t just for babies Toms” Phil chuckled at the irony of having to reassure a seven year old he wasn’t being babyish “Come on bud, I’ll wake you up before dinner, you just seem very sleepy, I don’t want you to get sick or anything”

“I’ll go to bed early! C’monnn” He carried on whining until Phil stopped trying to guide him out of the room and instead just crouched down beside him, getting him to lay down obviously wasn’t working so he wanted to try a different approach.

Phil held out his pinky finger

“Okay how about this, I pinky promise that I won't force you to lay down for a nap if you tell me what’s going on”

“‘M worried” Head tilted to the floor, Tommy mumbled his response as he linked his pinky with Phil’s “Don’t want anyone to get hurt or sad again”

Oh. Phil’s heart swelled up so much that he was sure it was about to break, pulling Tommy into a hug and giving him a little kiss on the forehead, Phil tried his very best to reassure him that everything was going to be okay with Wil and Techno. It was hard, these were the kind of moments where he wished the adults in their lives were a bit more prevalent, it would help so much to have a parent around right now, someone who knew what the best thing to say would be.

“Oh Tommy” Phil had breathed out as he hugged his small body close, arms wrapped around him protectively. “Techno and Wil are gonna be okay, Wil’s just a bit shaken up right now, he needs a lot of comfort from Tech’ to feel happy right now but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to be happy, just that Techno needs to be here for it.”

Tommy nodded into his chest, glancing over at his other two brothers who were still at the table “But what if he never ever feels good again?”

“He will, I can add that onto the pinky promise, he just loves Techno lots and lots and he got very scared when Techno wasn’t there, you understand that part right?” after getting a little nod from Tommy, Phil continued “Well after a scare that big it’s hard to go back to normal straight away isn’t it? Remember when you watched that scary movie and you couldn’t sleep alone for a week? It’s that type of scared” The analogy of the scary movie seemed to help it snap in, Tommy nodding with a little smile spread on his cheeks.

“So...he’s scared of Tech’ getting stuck again? So he wants to stay with him?” Phil nodded and Tommy grinned “I’m gonna make sure Techno never gets stuck anywhere ever again! Then Wil won't be upset!”

After that, Phil had given up entirely on trying to get Tommy to rest, letting him just sit with his brothers since that seemed to make him happy anyway, just going back to cooking the dinner for the boys.

At some point during the time it took to cook the meal, Wilbur and Techno had gone off upstairs, causing Tommy to pout and slouch over the table, only to return again when Wilbur had retrieved his guitar. The mood in the kitchen was soft, everyone was comfortable since thighs were okay now but there was still the underlying feeling of just being so exhausted that nobody really felt like talking much. That was fine though, Phil was sure he’d develop a headache if the house was as loud as it normally was.

“Any requests?” Wil had smiled as he cautiously let go of Techno’s hand, moving to hold his guitar properly. Since Techno hadn’t immediately gone to holding his arm, presumably thinking Wil wanted the contact to stop, Wil gently took Techno’s hand and moved it onto his arm so there was still contact even when he was playing his music. An almost inaudible apology came from Techno, clearly purposeful so Wil would know it was for him.

“Do the girl one!” Tommy perked up, sitting on his knees as he looked up at his brother with big eyes, full of adoration “Vienna! Do that one!”

Wil smiled as slid his hand on the fretboard until it was in the right position, starting to strum quietly and sing along, at some point Tommy had decided to join in too, singing the second verse with him, albeit a little off key but it was an incredibly sweet moment. The next song had come without the need to stop and ask for requests, knowing Tommy would stop him if he thought of anything he really wanted to hear.

“I think this time I’m dying. I’m not melodramatic” Wil had started, Phil was well aware how dark some of the lyrics to his songs were but he didn’t see a reason to intervene, music was a good outlet for him to get rid of any nasty feelings, plus Techno had mentioned before how sometimes their therapist looked at them to get a wider view on how Wilbur was doing since he sometimes found it hard to articulate messy feelings. Honestly, Phil was proud that he had come up with such a healthy way of sorting his thoughts out.

Halfway through Saline Solution, Phil had placed each boy’s food on the table, taking into account what portions they each preferred and whether they liked cheese on their pasta or not. Wil finished up the song and placed his guitar to lean against the wall behind him, going back to holding Techno’s hand, well aware of how awkward it was going to be to eat with his left hand. At least it was pasta though, he could just stab it with the fork, eating that with his left hand wouldn’t be too hard.

Dinner was quiet too, there was no tension or awkwardness, just a steady feeling of comfortable silence as everyone ate their food. As always, Tommy had wolfed his down first and was now gulping down his water, whining about not being a kid when Phil insisted on wiping the sauce from around his face. Next was Techno, then Phil and then finally Wilbur was finished too. The meal had been simple but it was clear from the way everyone cleared their bowls that it had been much appreciated.

“I recall promising Ice cream and a movie, you guys go in and choose the movie and I’ll clean up in here and get the Ice cream”

Wilbur seemed to look a little hesitant about leaving the room at first, shifting his eyes between the door and Phil a couple times before Techno gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and he was filled with the courage to go without the guaranteed protection of his big brother.

Phil stuck to his word, cleaning out each dish and placing them on the drying rack before getting each boy a bowl of ice cream, Mint for himself, Vanilla for Tommy, Chocolate for Wilbur and Raspberry for Techno. Everyone got some sprinkles, a flake and strawberry syrup over their dessert as well, well almost everyone since Wilbur’s bowl got Chocolate syrup instead. Going into the living room, he saw that the boys had chosen to watch Ponyo. It was a cute movie really, he remembered when Wilbur and Techno were still little, around Tommy’s age, saying that Techno was Ponyo and Wil was Sosuke all because they were going to be best friends forever too.

This movie definitely brought back some good memories.

The four of them snuggled up on the couch as the movie started playing, the dubbed one of course since Tommy was still learning to read. “This is nice,” Phil sighed as he relaxed into the comfort of his family, feeling the soft fabric of Wilbur’s jumper brush against him.

The movie had sufficiently cheered everyone up it seemed, there were lots of sleepy smiles filling the room. Phil thought the name of the ‘sleepy bois’ was still extremely perfect. It had been Techno’s idea to go up and get an early night’s sleep and everyone seemed to agree, Tommy was due one anyway since he had insisted on not needing a nap, he definitely looked like he was regretting that now as his head kept dropping every few seconds. It was sweet but it also meant Phil was going to have to carry him up.

“C’mon Toms” Phil chuckled as he lifted him up, trailing behind Wilbur and Techno as everyone went to brush their teeth, Phil needing to half wrestle Tommy to do it since he was practically falling asleep where he was. Eventually though, the boy had clean teeth, a washed face and was changed into his pyjamas and finally Phil was able to set him into bed. “Night bud, you were really good today, I’m super proud of you” With one last hug, Phil left the room to go and say goodnight to the twins too.

-----

“Hey Tech’?” Wilbur mumbled after Phil had left, carefully placing his guitar back on the wall “I know we’re getting a bit uh.. I know we’re getting a bit old for this but man you know how today was just really...bad?”

“Fucking hell Wil, Yes you can sleep with me, you don’t need to dodge the question. Plus, I thought it would just be assumed by now, I’m hardly going to force you to get freaked out on your own”

Wil grinned and nodded, thanking Techno before sitting down on the bottom bunk, leaning against Techno when he sat down

“You’re still stiff” Techno stated as he placed a hand comfortingly on Wilbur’s hair “You don’t need to worry, I’m not planning on going anywhere. Today only happened because I got overwhelmed, I’d never purposefully make you go through this”

Wilbur nodded, burying his head in Techno’s shoulder as he sighed, trying to compose himself a bit more before he spoke.

“I know. I should have listened to you too. I got so angry that I forgot I was doing it to protect you guys and ended up hurting you instead.”

Sighing, Techno flopped backwards on the bed, life was complicated and weird sometimes.

“It’s fine Wil, I already said I’m not mad, you were just frustrated. You’ll be fine though, nobody’s planning on hurting anyone anymore. On Wednesday we -or maybe really just you guys- will talk to the Dream Team about everything that’s been happening. It’ll be okay.”

The conversation was caught short by a small knock on their door, and then a little head of blonde hair peeking through as Tommy slowly opened it, still not really understanding that you needed to wait after knocking. A visit from the boy had been surprising, considering how he had been struggling to even hold himself up earlier.

“Guys?” He mumbled as he walked in, closing the door behind him, a plush pig Techno had got for him one year held in his arms. “I got worried. I couldn’t sleep”

Making sure to grab Wilbur’s hand first, Techno got up and gently led the boy onto the bed with them.

“Hang out with us for a bit then, we won't tell Phil if you end up staying up late, it’s hardly your fault if you can’t sleep” Wil hummed, making no effort to scooch across on the bed. He loved Tommy but he was not going to move away from Techno just so Tommy could be in the middle. Eventually they ended up with Tommy by the wall, Techno in the middle and Wil on the outside. It was a squish considering it was a twin sized bed but once Tommy moved to be laying on Techno’s chest than the bed, it was a lot more comfortable and snuggly for everyone.

“Toms do you wanna watch Up? That’s your favourite film right?”

The boy nodded excitedly, squirming over his older siblings to be the first one to grab the laptop off the nightstand.

Nobody had really meant to fall asleep like that but they had, Techno’s hair was an absolute state in the morning since he hadn’t even braided it before going to bed. While the wake up of being cuddled from all sides was kinda nice, he absolutely didn’t want it every night if he would need to spend an hour doing his very simple hairdo in the morning. For once though, Phil hadn’t forgotten his phone and when he went to wake up the boys, he couldn’t help but snap a picture to keep as a memory for when they were older. The view of them all cuddled up had just been way too sweet!

That being said, they were late for school.

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 9 commentary with my sister:

I need a happy episode before I rage quit this show. What episode was this?

(informs her its the second to last)

Wait what? Only one more?!

Okay my emotions are somewhat back in order..let’s do this

Tour De France Robbe is back

No! Police!

Why did I think she wasn’t going to be here

FUCK. OFF. BRITT!

He can’t hear you over Britt yelling at you

Omg Sander looks so small there

No Britt, he isn’t in love with YOU

Girl I have memorized a shit ton of lyrics...that don’t mean shit

I hate you

**slams the pause button** I’m so pissed for so many reasons. I hate that that character always reveals the “secret” and I’m sorry but why are you hitting him? And Britt’s example is fucking bullshit. She pisses me off because who tf are you to say how he feels? That’s not her damn place to say that! I knew this was coming but for some reason this one was worse than Skam...I hate her. I have so much to say but idk where to begin so I’m just gonna move on for right now. **presses play**

Robbe and the rain do not go well together..he is at his peak sadness in the rain 

So glad we started off with that upsetting scene..

Robbe you weren’t supposed to put the pieces together on your own, it’s not your fault

There is really no way he was supposed to figure this out, I hate that he thinks he should have

You’re supposed to give him time and then talk to him

NOOO IT WAS REAL!

Yes! Milan was about to say something good! Nooo

No it was a great idea!

Istg I’m so done even reading the name Britt

He admitted himself? That’s actually a good thing, right?

Why does he still look adorable when he is so sad?

Omg that hug! Love this friendship

This little family is everything

Is his background the mural?!

Omg it is

Who be texting him??

Sander maybe not the time for jokes, but I love that you are trying

NO! NO! Robbe no!

Oh good he didn’t send it

Jana..what you doing here girl?

Studying? That shit is not on his to do list

In this house we do not mention Britt!

I know I’m bias, but her reaction was shitty. So no, I don't get it

Fuck Britt and her “strength” I’m sorry but no

No he IS in love with you, fuck what she said

Pause it!! I’m sorry but I’m so pissed right now...I can somewhat understand where Jana and Britt are coming from and I know I’m bias because of you (being bipolar) but I’m seriously struggling with this. I know she is a 16 year old girl who is in love with her boyfriend, but the shit she said is fucked. Just because someone is manic doesn’t mean you can disregard everything they do and feel. Not everything someone says or does is connected to them having bipolar disorder and it is unfair to think otherwise. I know I sound like a heartless bitch, but I can’t with her. I’m over Britt…**presses play**

Wait what..help him?

FUCKING TERRIBLE ADVICE JANA! Jfc...

Finally Robbe is finally getting hugs, but I hate this right now

Robbe…

NO! Stop the texting

Ugh he sent it..

Oh he responded!

Nope, someone take this man’s phone away

WHAT?! No us???

I can physically feel his heart breaking

Why is this actor so good though…

I don’t have time for the boys right now..

Him having exams on top of all this...someone give the man a break!

Oh cool, Moyo’s back..perfect, let’s just make this even more terrible

Jens! Zip it!!

Oh Aaron, you sweet simple boy

Robbe don’t announce it!! I just yelled at Britt....ugh!!

Aaron..I can’t with you

Hold up! Moyo is gonna...oh lord..let’s see how this plays out

As far as we know only Jana has a parent

Moyo better get this speech right

Yes, exactly! I can’t believe I’m agreeing with him

Did he just….minute by minute? Oh hell...why they gotta play me like this

Who knew that Moyo had a heart? Not me that’s for sure

Jens is me! WHATTT?

Liessssss!!

YES HE SAID FUCK THAT about Britt!

Moyo actually out here making sense and spitting facts

Normally I would say never trust him..but this one time, yes trust him

Robbe is the definition of a confused and conflicted boy right now...look at him

He’s eyeing the phone...do it

Yes! Sander!

Nooo pick it back up!

YES!!! Good Robbe!

Why is their trash can on the counter?

Chef Milan at your service

You don’t know what that is???

Sander my dude, answer!

Robbe, Sr. is calling!

Oh shit...totally forgot about that dinner

Let’s not mention the bf right now..it’s complicated

Robbe out here saying all kinds of bullshit

Robbe, Sr. is confused as hell

Good job, Robbe!! 

Breaking up? Never heard of it….what’s that again?

No he is far from okay

Oh god is he gonna cry?

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I’m fine...I’m fine...if I say it enough it will be true

I hate this, but damn ...what the fuck is his name? (inform her it's WIllem for the 100th time) Yes! Willem! He is fucking killing it and me

Oh good lord Aaron...you need a tutor 

Robbe is like stfu aaron hahah

What the hell is this enterprise??

Luca thanks for the inquiry but not the time girl

Yasmina thank--- OH GO AWAY BRITT

Don’t look back at him! Eyes forward!

Thanks girl, he could use the help

Thank you for making me laugh Luca, I needed it

Spit it out Aaron

Yasmina and Luca you continue to be icons

Oh cool Zoenne fighting..

Clumsy gay

Black is a good color on him...has he ever worn black? (Sander’s shirt...👀)

Good point, Milan, very good point

STOP FIGHTING! We have enough going on!

That is a tough spot to be in, Zoe, but I’m having a hard time concentrating on you right now

Yeah listen to Milan

Milan if you’re looking for a friend, I’d like to apply for the position

No new messages...sweet..love that for us

Where are you going?

Oh right! The dinner...shit totally forgot already

A message!!

Sander!!

I’m stressed…

No he wasn’t!

NO!!! 

Nooooo the shaky breaths are back!

Was Sander crying? Go back! Replay it!

Yep, he was...fuck my life

Don’t leave!! Robbe, Sr. is waiting!

RIP to the dinner, sorry dad we are having a crisis right now!

He sorta looks like Santa

I feel bad for everyone involved in this episode...except for Britt, she can bite me.

We started with Tour De France Robbe and we end with Tour De France Robbe...cool

I never thought I would say this, but Robbe looks like shit..

I want to watch episode 10 but I don’t because I know it’s the last one

[colbybrocksmolder]

Blue - Colby Brock x Reader - Part 2/3

Part 1...

*** end of last chapter ***

“How’s it going so far?” Jake quietly asked, sitting on the coffee table facing Colby. 

“Terrifyingly easy.” Colby answered, looking down and finding Ivy fast asleep. 

“Well that’s a good thing, right?”, Jake said. “Y/n seems to fit right in. Her and Tara are bonding over SpongeBob memes as we speak.” 

“That’s the terrifying part.” Colby said, gently brushing Ivy’s hair out of her face. “They’re here for a month. They’ve only been here for like 7 hours and I’m already sad that they’re going to leave.” 

Jake watched Colby gazing down at the tiny sleeping figure in his arms. “I don’t know, brother. You’re usually a loner that likes his space. You might be happy when you’ve got your apartment back”, Jake laughed. 

Colby just sighed. *what the fuck am I getting myself into?* he thought to himself. 

*** start of new chapter ***

“All done!” Tara said, her and Y/n walking out of the spare room.

“I knew she was going to crash soon.” Y/n laughed, seeing Ivy once again asleep on Colby.

“This girl has endless energy.” Colby laughed, holding her tight against him while he sat up, making room for the girls on the couch.

“I told you. Having a kid is a lot of work.” Y/n replied, taking a seat next to Colby.

“Mike is the one that ran around playing tag with her for over an hour”, he laughed. “I got the easy job. We took naps and watched movies.”

“Well I, for one, am exhausted.” Y/n said, reaching to grab Ivy. “Us two are going to head to bed.”

Colby shifted Ivy from his arms to Y/n’s. “If you guys need anything at all, come get me. I don’t even care if I’m asleep.”

“He’s a deep sleeper.” Tara laughed. “Make sure you bring something to hit him with if you need to wake him up.”

Colby nodded, “She’s not wrong.”

“I think we have everything we need”, Y/n laughed. She turned to Colby. “Thank you again for making this so easy. All of you guys have gone out of your way to make us feel welcome.”

“You ARE welcome, Y/n. Both of you.” He could see her getting choked up again. “I’m going to walk these two out while you two get settled in your room.”

“It was so nice meeting you guys.” Y/n said, waving to Tara and Jake as she made her way to her bedroom.

“Same. I’m looking forward to hanging out again.” Tara replied while Jake waved.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Colby said, walking them to the door so he could lock it after they left. Once the door was locked, Colby walked the apartment making sure everything was turned off or put away. He hesitated at the spare bedroom door before lightly knocking.

“Come in.” Y/n called, throwing her hair up in a messy bun as Colby opened the door.

“Hey, I just wanted to check in one more time.” He said, standing in the doorway.

She looked over at him. “I’m sorry I got emotional a minute ago.” y/n apologized, looking away from Colby. “I’m exhausted and the trip was stressful….” She rambled.

Colby walked towards y/n, interrupting her with a hand on her shoulder. “Y/n. While I have no doubt that road tripping with an almost 3-year-old is stressful…I know there’s something else bugging you”, he said, pulling her into a tight hug. “I don’t know if something happened or if maybe someONE made you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated well, but if you ever want to talk about it, I’m literally only a room away.”

Y/n nodded, her face hidden against Colby. “I’m just…I’m realizing a lot being around you guys for even just a short time.”

“I mean, we ARE kind of awesome.” Colby teased, trying to break the tension. He smiled hearing her laugh. “Get some sleep. You’ve got a few more people to meet tomorrow.”  

Colby woke up the next morning to loads of noise coming from his living room. When he turned over and checked his phone he realized why. It was almost 1pm. “Oh fuck.” He croaked out, slipping a clean hoodie on before noticing something on his bedside table. There was a piece of computer paper with a crayon drawing on it. A stick figure in blue and a heart in red.

He walked out to the living room with the drawing in his hand. “Good morning, sleepy head.” Mike teased him, “Did my baby sleep well?”

“I slept like a rock, sweet cheeks”, Colby replied, blowing Mike a kiss.

Mike moved to “catch” the kiss Colby blew him before turning and pretending to wipe it all over Sam’s face.

“Noooo. No!” Sam dramatically wiped his hands on his face.

Ivy was cracking up watching the whole exchange. “Iiiiivyyyy” Colby drew out her name, holding up the drawing he had found by his bed. “Is this mine?” he asked, squatting down next to where she was coloring at the coffee table.

She looked up at him, nodding yes. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m going to hang it up over here.” He took the drawing and hung it on his fridge. “Why didn’t anyone wake me up?” Colby asked, turning back to the room.

“I was going to when Ivy went to put the drawing in your room, but she shushed me and pointed towards the door.” Jake laughed, “I wasn’t going to argue with her.”

Colby sat cross legged on the floor by the coffee table, pulling the little girl into his lap so she sat a little higher. “You can always wake me up, Ivy.” He told her, watching her draw.

“No get in trouble.” She mumbled, reaching for another crayon.

“I promise you’ll never get in trouble for waking me up.” He said, kissing the top of her head. “Where are the girls?”

“They’re picking up lunch. Kevin and some of the others are going to head over here soon, too.” Mike answered.

The next few days were a crazy hectic blur. Y/n and Mike had shared some of their half-written songs and lyric ideas with each other to get their creative juices flowing. Kat and Y/n filmed a “Singing on street corners” video and before they even posted their video, clips of them had practically gone viral. Each of the guys and a few of the girls all filmed group videos. Y/n was in most of them and Ivy was in a few too. And after an already long day, Colby still needed to film his video.

“uuuughh”, Colby groaned, staring blankly at the wall.

“You good?” Sam asked, his laptop out with research for their next series location on the screen.

“I have to film my video tonight and I have no idea what to film.” Colby replied.

“Film something that always bangs.” Sam said. “Let’s do a truth or strip.”

“Ahem.” Colby cleared his throat, pointing towards the little girl sleeping on the couch cushion next to him.

“Yeaaaaaah, let’s not.” Sam laughed. “Wait, do it the way Kat and I did! We put something on every time we didn’t want to answer a question.”

“Could do.” Colby said, thinking it over. “Just no swearing or sexual stuff.”

“Who would have thought Colby Brock would turn his channel PG.” Sam teased, going to set up the camera. “Go grab a bunch of hoodies and stuff. I’ll start writing down questions.”

“Aight, I’ll be back.” Colby replied. He stopped by the spare room to see if Y/n would ask the questions for the video.

“Of course.” y/n replied.

So far, the video was pretty funny. Even with keeping it fairly cleaner than Sam and Colby’s usual content. “Next question. Have either of you ever skinny dipped?” Y/n asked.

Sam and Colby looked at each other, Sam reaching out and grabbing another sweater.

“Brother, putting on another shirt is basically just saying yes.” Colby laughed, blushing a bit, “So yes. I have gone skinny dipping.”

“I think everyone should at least once.” Y/n added, saying “Next question” before either of the boys could say anything back. “Who are your YouTube crushes?”

“Katrina Stuart”, Sam smirked into the camera.

“Not fair.” Colby shoved Sam.

“I mean, Kat’s hot. I get it.” Y/n pointed out.

“Don’t I know it”, Sam made kissy faces at the camera.

“I’m keeping that whole thing in the video” Colby laughed. “Ignore me while I throw on ANOTHER friggen hoodie.”

“You cold?” they heard Ivy ask. She had woken up sometime during the last question. Colby finally popped his head through the hoodie and he made a face a her. She burst out in giggles.

“Are you laughing at me?” Colby asked, slowly creeping towards the little girl.

Sam stood up, taking the camera off the tripod. “I think she was.” He added.

“Nooooo” she squealed, backing up off of the couch.

“I think you were.” Colby said, wiggling his fingers towards her like he was going to tickle her.

She ran around the coffee table, uncontrollably laughing before trying to hide behind y/n’s legs.

“Oh no you don’t”, Colby crouched down on the other side of y/n, reaching around her legs and tickling Ivy.

“Hey, how did I get in the middle of this?” Y/n laughed.

“Moooom”, Ivy squealed between fits of laughter.

“Run Ivy!” Y/n pushed Colby off balance, so he fell back on his butt. The girl went to hide on the side of the couch.

“Not fair! I can barely move in all these hoodies!” Colby laughed laying on his back, pretending like he couldn’t get up. “Ivy, come help me!”

The girl peeked around the side of the couch. “I don’t know if I’d trust him.” Sam said, still filming the whole thing.

“I can’t get up!” Colby continued.

Ivy started slowly walking towards Colby, leaning over to see what he was doing. Colby laid there with his eyes closed not moving an inch. “Blue?” Ivy said, reaching down to poke him.

“Got you!” Colby half shouted, sitting up and pulling Ivy to his lap. He tickled her again, laughing quite a bit himself.

“You fibbed” she squealed out between laughs.

Colby chuckled and stopped tickling her. “I’m sorry”, he said, pulling her into a hug. He looked up at Sam and remembered they had been filming a video. “I think that’s all we’re going to get done for this one, guys” Colby laughed, addressing his audience. “Make sure to like and subscribe. Hit up all my social media pages. I’ll make sure to link Y/n and Sam down below so make sure you check them out too.” Colby looked down at Ivy. “Wave bye to the camera, Ivy”

“Byyyye” she waved, laughing when Colby tickled her again.

“Alright, guys. See you next week!” Colby waved to the camera.

“I am sweating to death” Sam said, starting to take the hoodies off.

“You think you’re sweating? I’ve got on twice as many, brother.” Colby whined, struggling to get them off of himself. “I’m going to shower and edit, so I probably won’t see you guys again tonight”, he said, looking up at Y/n.

“I have to be at Mike’s early tomorrow anyways” Y/n replied, looking at the time.

“You look nervous”, Colby chuckled, shedding the last of the hoodies.

“It’s always nerve-wracking working with someone new. I’m equal parts excited and nervous.” She explained.

“You’re going to do great.” Colby said, standing up and looking at her fondly. “Seriously. You write amazing music and your voice…come on. Your voice is killer.”

Y/n blushed. “Thank you. I think I needed that.” She said, turning to head to her bedroom. “Come on, Ivy!”

Ivy ran to Colby, reaching up for him to pick her up. “You have to get to bed, kiddo.” He said, picking her up.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Night, blue.”

Colby couldn’t help the smile on his face. “Goodnight, sweetheart”, he replied, putting her down so she could head to her mom. He was up editing for a few hours and when he checked the living room, all of the lights were off. He made sure the front door was locked and headed to bed.

“Ivy, you need to eat your breakfast so we can start our day.” Y/n quietly told her daughter for the 3rd time. Ivy laid her head down on the coffee table with her hand to her other cheek. “Aww, baby. Your teeth?” Y/n realized why her daughter had woken up in a mood.

Ivy nodded as a few tears fell down her cheeks. Y/n grabbed her ice pack and picked ivy up, cradling her in her arms with the ice pack against her cheek.

Colby was up the second he heard Ivy crying. He shot out of bed and hurried into the living room in just his sweatpants ready to tackle whatever made that little girl cry. “What’s going on?” he said, looking around until he saw the two girls on the couch. “What happened?” he asked, kneeling down in front of them.

“Nothing happened. I’m sorry she woke you up.” Y/n apologized, “She’s got a few more baby teeth coming in.”

“Stop apologizing”, Colby said, his voice still thick with sleep. He grabbed Ivy’s hand “I’m sorry you’re hurting.” Looking up at Y/n he asked, “Is there any medicine we can give her to help?”

“Yeah, actually. It’s in my room.” She answered, going to stand up.

“Here.” Colby said, putting his arms out for Ivy to come to him. “Why don’t you go grab the medicine and I’ll take this one.”

Ivy clung on to Colby, tucking her face in his neck. “Oooo your cheek is cold”, Colby laughed. “Do you want the ice?” he asked her, feeling her shake her head no.

“Here you go, baby.” Y/n walked into the kitchen to grab a spoon. “This will help you.” Ivy lifted her head to take her medicine and quickly tucked her face back in Colby’s neck. “This stuff always makes her so sleepy.”

“You’ll feel better soon.” Colby said, lightly bouncing her in his arms.

“I’ll go grab her a comfy outfit so she can sleep in her car-seat.” Y/n said, turning to head to her room.

“Y/n, you can just leave her here”, Colby suggested, continuing to bounce the little girl in his arms.

“I’m going to be gone all day, though.” Y/n replied, putting her hand on Ivy’s back.

“So? We can go back to bed for a while, I’ll make sure she gets something to eat in a little bit, and you won’t be stressing about her on your first writing day with Mike.” Colby reassured her.

Y/n thought about it. “Maybe I can come home for lunch.” She said, “I’d feel bad if you had to watch her all day.”

“Y/n, I don’t HAVE to do anything. I’m volunteering. And if you install her car-seat in my car, I can bring her to visit you guys if she’s feeling better when she wakes up.” He offered.

Y/n took in the scene in front of her. Colby was standing there shirtless, gently bouncing her daughter, rubbing soothing circles into her back. His hair was a mess and his eyes were closed as he mumbled little ‘you’re okays’ to Ivy. *I could get used to this* she thought to herself, finally warming up to the fact that maybe some people really do care. Not everyone wants something from you.  “You’re a hard man to argue with.” Y/n smiled up at him.

“Then don’t argue with me.” Colby smirked.

Y/n reached up and pressed a kiss to Colby’s cheek. “I’m going to go get dressed”, she said, looking down at Ivy. “And this one is already half asleep so you two are good to go back to bed.”

“Does she have like a blanket she likes or a stuffed animal or something?” He asked, following Y/n.

“She’s never liked stuffed animals, actually.” Y/n answered. “Here’s her little security blanket.”

"I’ll grab that, we’re going to go nap, and you have a great day.” Colby said, sleepily wandering back to his room. He left his door open so Y/n could stop by if she wanted to before she left. “Let go, sweetheart.” Colby whispered to Ivy, laying her down on his bed and handing her her little blanket. He made sure she was on the side that was against the wall so that she didn’t roll off. “Your mom said you didn’t like stuffed animals, but this guy here is special.” He said, grabbing his stuffed koala.

Ivy sniffled, little remnants of her crying finally fading. “Thank you”

“Get some sleep.” He said, crawling into bed “You’ll feel better soon.”

When Y/n finished getting ready about an hour later, she quietly tiptoed into Colby’s room. She immediately grabbed her phone, taking a picture of the precious sight before her. Colby was on his side and Ivy was the cutest little spoon you’ve ever seen. In her arms was the stuffed Koala and Colby’s arm was draped over both of them, snoring.

Over the next week or so, it became a habit that when Y/n would wake up early to go write with Mike, Ivy would just crawl into bed with Colby. He would wake up hours later to tiny cuddles. They’d get dressed, go sit at some restaurant for lunch, and then bring food to Mike and Y/n. In fact, Colby’s video this week was just vlog footage of him and Ivy. They had gone to the zoo, gotten ice cream or food a dozen times, and gone to the park to swing. Today, Brennen brought Kobe over to the apartment so Colby and him could film a video for Brennen’s channel.

“I never thought I’d think something was cuter than my dog, but damn.” Brennen laughed, watching Ivy and Kobe play fetch.

Colby laughed, reminding Ivy not to throw the toy in the kitchen. He didn’t want her to get hurt on the corners of the counter. “She’s something”, he said, hearing Ivy call out an “I’m sorry.”

“You’re okay, sweetheart. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Colby smiled.

“You’re in full dad mode, bro.” Brennen said, smirking over at one of his best friends.

Colby looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed together. “Am not.”

“My dude, it’s obvious you care about her. And you haven’t shut up about Y/n.” Brennen laughed, hitting Colby’s chest with the back of his hand. “You haven’t come out partying once since they got here.”

“First, y/n obviously doesn’t like me like that. She’s been here for 2 weeks and absolutely nothing has happened. No real flirting, no nothing. So, I can pine all I want, but I’m going to have to accept it when they leave.” Colby said, trying not to sound sad about that fact.

“I disagree”, Brennen tried to sneak in, but Colby continued talking, giving him a look.

“And second, I do care about Ivy.” Colby said, hearing her break out in a fit of laughter as Kobe licked her face. “I have this feeling that her dad was a dirtbag.”

“Yeah?” Brennen asked.

“Y/n would fight back tears the whole first week she was here whenever we were nice to her. Like, just our normal friends group level of nice.” Colby said, thinking back on how Y/n had reacted. “And Ivy apologized for everything. She accidentally spilled water on the coffee table and kept asking me if I was sure she wasn’t in trouble. Like, who the fuck would get mad over spilling water? Especially at their own daughter?”

“Have you talked to Y/n about it?” Bren asked.

“No. I kind of let her know I knew something was going on. That I was here. That she could talk to me whenever she was ready, I just…They don’t deserve that, dude. They deserve all the love in the world.” Colby continued watching Ivy and Kobe play.

“I gotta head out, but I’m going to say something to you first.” Brennen said, waiting for Colby to look at him. “I know you’re young. I know. #Brolby. We’re wild boys that like to have fun and do stupid shit so I know I’m not who you expected this to come from…but you’ve got a lot of love to give, brother. My dad didn’t give two shits about what happened to my siblings or my mom. It’s fucking obvious you care. A LOT. So don’t NOT take your chance because your palms get sweaty around your crush. There’s a lot more riding on this than whether or not a girl rejects you. No one’s going to love that little girl as much as you already do.”

Brennen stood up, putting his phone in his pocket and grabbing his camera. “Preciosa mío, come say bye to uncle Brennen.” He called out, picking Ivy up when she ran to him. “I promise I’ll bring Kobe back to play soon.” He kissed her on the cheek and put her down.

“Hey Ivy, if you go put on your jacket, we can go see mommy and Mike.” Colby stood up, following Brennen to the door.

Ivy ran to her room squealing about getting to play with more dogs.

“Brennen.” Colby said, pulling him into their usual bro hug when he turned around. When Brennen went to pull away, Colby held him tight for a second. “Thanks, man.”

Brennen clapped him on the back, “Anytime, brother.”

part 3...

[berniedette]

Walls by Louis Tomlinson First Listen Album Reaction

Alright, I have my good earphones plugged in and I will be listening to the whole album in order, no skipping. Let the Brit come and invade my ears and mind. Here we go...

Track 1: Kill My Mind

I’ve heard this before. Upbeat. Devil in my brain. Ease the pain. I really love the bridge to this. The energy. Yessssssss

Track 2: Don’t Let It Break Your Heart

I’ve heard this before. This is the track version now. Little bit longer intro than the single version. I love the lyrics to this a lot. It’s already helped me in my personal life. It’s just so so nice and comforting and reassuring, but it never crosses the line to cheesy. I think it’s cuz it’s sincere. It’s saying yeah it fuckin hurts and you feel like it’s killing you… but DON’T. LET. IT. Also, the guitar towards the end is just magnificent.

Track 3: Two Of Us

I’ve heard this before. The keyboard on this song is absolutely killing me. The swells in this song is just heartbreaking. The chorus is just so passionate. One Life For The Two Of Us. It’s sad, yet hopeful. OH MY GOD the outro. That might be my favorite part. It makes me want to give him a hug, not because I think he needs it but I think he just deserves it for being so strong.

Track 4: We Made It

I’ve heard this before, but it’s hitting me so hard right now. The melody of this song is something special. The big pop chorus swells aren’t there, and without it, the song just has a flow and a tempo and a rhythm that kinda says, “yeah, we made it,” We’re here. We’re not stopping. We’ll keep going. We’re “never coming down.” SO. WHAT. The almost spoken-word style of this song just makes one need to listen to the lyrics all that intently. It’s a statement. Some of the verses talk about a relationship with somebody, yet the chorus and feel of the whole song makes me think that he’s just talking about himself. He could also be talking to his fans, but I like my idea that he’s talking about himself. Maybe to the person in the mirror, idk. And the quip about the “singing something poppy in the same 4 chords” lyric is hilarious when compared to the style of pop of this song. I really like this song. Favorite so far.

Track 5: Too Young

Oh wow okay. Echos. This style seems so familiar to me, like a songwriter or a producer I’m familiar with made this. I don’t know what I feel about this song. I’m not getting sadness, it seems like it’s just so matter of fact. And that’s weird cuz Louis’ voice normally (and so far in this album) have been so expressive and emotional. This is weird. It might be how much echo there is…. this is weird. His voice kinda sounds distorted, like it’s been edited to sound even more soft and tender. Creeps me out a little, like listening to asmr. Maybe it’ll be better if I didn’t have earphones in.

Track 6: Walls

The title track of this album. This was released a few days or weeks ago. I might have listened to it once, but I haven’t even watched the music video yet. This vocal is so much better than the last one. “Nothing wakes you up like walking up alone.” I hear that. That’s happened to me once or twice lol. There are a LOT of instruments in this already, and I haven’t even gotten to the first chorus yet. I like the vocals in the chorus actually. Up and down, and up and down. Okay, I’m sorry did this man just rhyme lost and because???? I love that! That’s a quote right there. I really like the melody of this chorus. Oh wow. End with the opening line. Okay, Mr. Tomlinson, I see you.

Track 7: Habit

He really likes the combo of acoustic and electric guitars huh? OH MY GOD excuse me mister baritone wtfffffffff. Where did that come from??? LEMME START OVER. THAT THREW ME OFF lmfaooo. Aw, this is so sad. Aw, he misses crack cocaine. KIDDING!!! I like this song. Yeah, compare that person to a drug. I love that. I love this song, wow. “I was better with you”? Oh honey nooooo. Awww, I usually love bridges and Louis writes really good ones, but the lyrics in this song’s bridge is not okay with me. :( This is a fantastic song tho. Second favorite so far.

Track 8: Always You

Damn okay. Uptempo it after my heart just broke with the last one. I like the opening chords. OH WAIT, are these even chords? Whoah hold up. It went SUPER POP rn. Sounds kinda dance-y. Is there gonna be a bass drop in this song? I’m calling it now lol. What the fuck?? Bro. Wtf. This is SO POP I cannot even. I can’t focus on the lyrics cuz my head in is spinning. Is there a fuckin feature on this???? What the fuck is this. Okay, it’s over. What. The. Fuck. Was. That. Why the fuck was that song in this album??????? That’s so weird. Who let that happen??????? It’s so out of place!! I can’t. I have to move on.

Track 9: Fearless

Are those sounds of children? Ew. Wait a sec, is that shade? OMG These lyrics are soooooo shady. Yesssss I love this sound for him!!! It’s anger. YESSS. YELL BABY!! Claps. Who is this song for??? Who is the umbrella under?? Who are we shading, honey? I NEED TO KNOW omg. “Tell me do you still remember feeling young” YES BABY ROAST THEM. This is fuckin hilarious and this just knocked down Habit as my 2nd fave.

Track 10: Perfect Now

Strumming an acoustic. Awww, the lyrics of this song is so sweet. This would be a great song for him to sing by himself on stage in concert, him playing the guitar. That would be so sweet. I know there’s some violins, but the song don’t need that live. “I guess some queens don’t need a crown” It’s true hun, but it’s obviously the perfect accessory. “You make me feel like being someone” is such a fantastic line.

Track 11: Defenceless

Ugh, the British spelling, I guess lol. Okay lyrics, you’re strong. Okay kickdrum, you’re working overtime. I really like this. Nice drums on this one too. It felt kinda busy at first, but it works. “By YooOoUuUu.” I feel like I’m getting attacked. And I’m fucking defenseless (that’s not the British spelling lol).

Track 12: Only The Brave

The title sounds like an army thing lol. Okay, is this the 60s? I like the sound actually, it’s pretty cool. Retro. Wait, it’s over already?!?! I gotta listen again wtf. I didn’t even understand a word. I just heard that he went up to head voice thrice. Okay, again. “I’m breaking all my rules, I’m crying like a fool.” Wow. I get the sound now. I appreciate this a lot. I gotta read these lyrics. Seems to me he sang “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave” which wow. Amazing end of album line.

Final thoughts:

Louis Tomlinson is a very talented singer and songwriter. He has his sound and he’s not floundering about. This album proves it. I’m not mad at it at all. I liked almost every single song at first listen and I’m sure the only one I have a problem with will grow on me. I thought ending on Only the Brave was absolutely perfect. It is a very strong song to end on. Lastly, if you’d excuse the lame metaphor, this debut album is a strong wall which he can build more onto (with tours and more singles and more albums) so that in no time, he’d have a very tall building that can touch the sky.

My Top 3

3. Habit

2. Fearless

1. We Made It

Special Recognition to Only The Brave for being hauntingly raw and honest

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

Folklore first listen✨

There’s no other magical experience like listening to a new taylor album for the first time. It’s like being immersed in a whole new world. Idk does anyone else like just make themselves cosy in a little listening cave somewhere so you can really take it in? There’s so much and it’s so exciting to see where she’ll take you on the journey and how the songs flow together. I love coming on here and seeing everyone else’s take on the new album, I imagine it’s what a Christmas morning feels like to a little kid. Anyhow, I thought I’d just drop this here for my own memory mostly to look back on. *presses play

Ok i’m super nervous, idk why. Like excited nervous. I just know it’s going to be so magical and beautiful and make me cry. Ahhhhh ok here we go.

the 1

ohhhh the piano

miss taylor…yessss girl

if my wishes came true it would’ve been you oh my god

it’s so honest and raw

WE WERE SOMETHING DON’T YOU THINK SO

AND IF MY WISHES CAME TRUE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN YOU

IN MY DEFENCE I HAVE NONE

BUT IT WOULD’VE BEEN FUN IF YOU WERE THE ONE

i’m crying…BYEEEEEE

cardigan

ooooooooh I’m in a movie, it’s like james Morrisony

her voice is so velvety

I am wearing this song and never taking it off it’s a song that actually FEELS like a homey cardigan HOW?!!!!

speechless i am speechless

*slow dances around room holding self

the last great american dynasty

oooooh orchestra…drums

a STORY…AHHHHHHHHHHH

WOW WOW WOWWWWWWW

HER SMILE when she sings

my heart is beaming but also sad and nostalgic for a time I can’t remember..ohhh I am just gonna close my eyes and just wow my heart is SMILINNNNN

exile ft bon iver

more pianos? A DREEEEEEEAM

OOHHHHHH yesssss it’s dark and velvety

LORRRRRRRRD THE FEELS my heart

Taylor….ohhhhh god her voice

noooooo they misunderstood each other ohhhhh nooooo

*curls up on the floor and drowns in tears

my tears ricochet

angels…I am in heaven

lyrics lyrics LYYYYYYRICS

TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT, HER PEN IS SHARPER THAN A KNIFE

my heart…nooooooooooooo

I didn’t have it my self to go with grace

IF I’M DEAD TO YOU WHY ARE YOU AT THE WAKE CURSING MY NAME WISHING…LORD

I CAN GO ANYWHERE JUST NOT HOME

BYE BYE BYE I have left the planet….

mirror ball

oh my god, the guitars

oooooohhhhh

her voice is a dreammmmm

I am in a bohemian dress dancing under the night sky under pretty garden lights with tears streaming down my face

seven

HOLD UP i have never heard her sing like this

I AM DOWN

Sweet tea in the summer cross my heart won’t tell no other oooooooh YES YES

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN YES YES YES

IT IS BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIFUL HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL

HER VOICE IS SO SOFT….I AM DISINTEGRATED

August

Lana del ray vibes

I am in a 1920s holiday great gatsby dreammmmm

August slipped into a moment in time …meet me behind the mall

you we’ren’t mine to loose

remember when i said get in the car and cancelled my plans just in case you call

living for the hope of it all

DAAAAAAAAAAMN THE LYRICS ARE SUBLIME

this is me trying

wow wow wow wow the synth rhythm

i feel like this is like those indie coming of age movies where they go on a late night drive but it’s also so grown up in how honest and raw up it is

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential…DAMN

THE LYRICS….i’M WOW

I’m speechless

illicit affairs

wait hahaha cheating but like made to sound so cutesy and like ‘it’s nice to have a friend’ sweet

this is so mature, clever and the lyrics are so deep

ohhhhhh wowwwww the LYRICS

ALSO THE BIG WORDS…YES MY LITTLE LITERARY THESAURUS…BROADEN MY HORIZONS

THE BRIDGE? THE DAMN BRIDGE….TAYLOR THE BUILDER IS HERE

The transition…BYE

invisible string

oooooh this is like INTHAF

IT’S SO DREAMY

isn’t it just so pretty to think All along there was some invisible string tying you to me

ooooooooohhh

her voice is sooo soft and luxurious

LYRICS LYRICS

ONE SINGLE THREAT OF GOLD TIED ME TO YOU

HELL WAS THE JOURNEY BUT IT BROUGHT ME HEAVEN

GOOD LORD SHE IS ON TOP FORM SHE IS ON TOP FORM…BYEEE

mad woman

More pains and sting i am winning

a scorpion sting when fighting back they strike to kill and you know i will

it’s like dark vintage velvet and the tone she’s singing in

F U? HO HO HO HAHA MISS TAYLOR DID YOU JUST-

Every time you call me crazy i get more crazy, what about that? I AM HOLLERING

you made her like that damn

THE LYRICS THE LYRICS THE LYRICS

THE WAY SHE SAYS MADDDD THEN WOMAN

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I HAVE BEEN MURDERED

IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND VINTAGE AND DARK AND DANGEROUS

I HAVE BEEN MURDERED

TAYLOR IS AT MY FUNERAL IN A KILLER OUTFIT RED LIPSTICK STUNNING SUNGLASSES AND A GORGEOUS LARGE BLACK HAT SMIRKING AS I AM BEING LOWERED INTO THE GROUND

IT’S WHAT I DESERVE

epiphany

the orchestra…I am in heaven…this is HEAVENLY

SHE SING’S LIKE AN ANGEL SHE IS AN ANGEL….

it feels like a war song, like you’’re watching him go off to war and die

ohhhh it is

hold you’re hand through plastic…

some thing’s you just can’t speak about

I am genuinely in tears…wow it hits so deep

I don’t know why it just makes you cry…wow

betty

ooooh it reminds me so much of never grow up

ooooh a story

would you want me…would you tell me to go F myself

I’m only 17 I don’t know anything but I know I miss you

ohh the hope beauty and tragedy of young love

I’m just gonna lay here and beam…STORY TELLING SWIFT HAS OUT DONE HERSELF

will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends

Standing in your cardigan again kissing in my car again

awwwwwww

peace

ooooh i love the melody

I have never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near

darrrrrlin ooooh i love it

i’m a fire i’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean waves blues come

all these people think love’s for show but i would die for you

MY GOD THE LYRICS

*chef’s kiss chef’s kiss chef’s kiss

I’M CRYING THIS IS TOOO MUCH TOOOO MUCH OH GOD

GIVE YOU MY WILD, GIVE YOU A CHILD…. A BABY?!!!!

GIVE YOU THE SILENCE ONLY WHEN TWO PEOPEL UNDERSTAND EARCH OTHER

SEE YOUR BROTHER AS MY BROTHER??????

BYYYEEEEE

I’M GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES AND LAY HERE FOR A 100 YEARS AND DROWN IN THESE TEARS AND JUST DRINK THIS IN

I AM IN LOVE I AM IN LOVE I AM IN LOVE

hoax

POETRY POETRY POETRY EQUISITE POETRY

THE PIANO…OH SWEET HEAVEN

YOU’RE FAITHLESS LOVE IS THE ONLY HOAX I BELIEVE IN

THE BRIDGE…THE HEAVEN SENT ARCHITECT HAS BUILT US ANOTHER MASTERPIECE

MY ONLY ONE MY KINDGOM COME UNDONE

I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS… oh my god

the lakes

IF THIS IS A WEDDING SONG ANNOUNCING THEY GOT MARRIED BY A LAKE I WILL LEGIT GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST

I’m actually speechless. I- wow. Excuse me while I drown in this ocean of tears. Wow.

[atinytokki]

Here’s my first impressions.

Warning! a loooong post, squealing, incoherent thoughts smashed together, and crying ahead. A lot of crying.

OH NO. They really started it like this. I’m shivering in bed rn. It’s haunting and beautiful and too short. Is that marching?? That’s marching, are they going to war now omg hold on—

[I didn’t include the audio for Wonderland because I hit the limit and ALSO you should go stream it on the KQ channel instead ;) hehe]

The transition into this was spectacular. The marching just became the beat wooooah! HONGJOONG AHJFKSL YES that’s how you start a song. Seonghwa and Yunho, beautiful. Wooyoung!! sounds amazing!! Seonghwa’s low voice o I was not prepared. San helloooo I love the instrumentation at this part. Jongho, as expected with the high note. Oh OH KAJA!! oooooohhhhh man the chorus goes hard I can’t wait to see the choreo. The production on this is spectacular. FiX oN MiNgiiiiii go off oml 🔥 YEOSANG 👏🏻 GET 👏🏻 THOSE 👏🏻 LINES 👏🏻 this is a head banging song I’m head banging rn. The way they bring it back right before the chorus *chef’s kiss* This is overwhelming man. Jongho with the bridge yussss he and San sound amazing. Wait they were right it is like Hala Hala they added both parts of the chorus together!! It’s almost over isn’t it. Yeah it’s over. Ok I need to breathe,,,

It’s starting kinda like a sad song this isn’t a sad song is it?? SANIIIIEEE! Aw this is cute I like it. Hongjoooooooong! I love this rap it reminds me of something. Ooh prechorus?? It’s so pretty oh No here’s the chorus— oh EDM?!!? OKAY!! Wait do I bop or cry 🙊omg Yeosang!!!! oh my baby you sound amazing. Harmonies 😭 harmonies omg there are harmonies... Mingi! He didn’t say fix on :(( short but slick rap as always. I’m still trying to figure out what they’re saying in this chorus I don’t wanna blast it too loud everyone else is asleep I think... hhhhhh!! Mingi and Hongjoong SINGING IN THE BRIDGE holy cow im gonna lose it they sound beautiful YES THANK U THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Wowwwww high note 🙌There’s something really really nostalgic about this song,, I am undone. The harmonies omg I can’t take this it’s like they know how much I love harmonies, unfair.

OMG— throwback???????? This sounds so 80s YEEEESSSS ! San!! New beginning fairy?? He sounds heavenly I can’t. Mingi, he’s singing again I can’t stop smiling this is my new fave thing. This prechorus, idk what to say it’s amazing. WOOYOUNG JUNG WOOYOUNG NO NO NO NO HES SINGING THE CHORUS AFHSJLSLE Jongho ur vocals are sweet honey please have mercy it’s only like the 4th song and I’m crying already. Hongjoong my boy, this style of rap holy cow. Did someone tell him this is my fave style of rap, because— oh, he’s still going?? Ah this is going on repeat the rest of today 🥰 Yeosang I couldn’t be happier you sound gorgeous and Yunho woah their voices match well. WOOYOUNG AGAIN!! This part was made for him it has to be. JONGHO! SO PLEASE!! This bridge I’m just a mess of tears now they are really singing their hearts out. Is it too early to have a favourite?

Ugh all these songs are ending so abruptly I’m never ready for the next one. Oh I’ve heard his.. aHA AHAAAAA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT this is from the teasers. I had the teasers on repeat this bgm alone is. so. cool. Yes the Mingi rap aaaaaaaaahdhsjkdflsl but we can hear it this time lol. woah it’s not over yet. The beginning of Treasure! Hongjoong singing the beginning of Treasure again but different lyrics?? I need to look them up later oh what if it’s like they found their treasure,, no I can’t take it where are the tissues the ending is so sad whyyyyuyyy

Yay there is already a fun flavour in this song! Hongjoong your voice is so rich in the low register daaaaang I need more of this. Seonghwa is that you? I feel like I haven’t heard his voice since Wonderland I’m sorry seonghwa my bff I’m getting whiplash trying to hear everyone’s parts but you killed it. These lyrics!! This is a hype song fs. THE BEAT DROP AAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAH!! “Ayyy we are gonna win” YES YOU ARE BOYS! Oh shoot I said that out loud I hope no one heard. Okay yes this is my new hype song no one is allowed to be discouraged listening to this. Oop “aha” Hongjoong hakdlaplajql I squealed again. Aw the rap verses were short but still slayed. This song is so fast I can’t keep up but I love it I am feeling this. The low voices and then the beat drop I can’t FUNCTION THIS IS SPECTACULAR !!!!! You are gonna wiiiiiin. This reminds me of Pirate King the altered voice and then adding a harmony the second time, anyone feel me? Mingi singing in the bridge again yes I love this. Ooo EDM break aaaahhah go crazy go stupidddd! I want a choreo for this, I need a choreo for this. Woah the instrumental is very unusual here. And it ended like that with the piano, deconstructing the elements of the song. Oh I need a second listen for musical reasons but we gotta move on.

This album is moving way too quickly we’re halfway done ripppp. I love the instrumental here it’s super slick. I’m already enjoying this very much. Oh high notes San!! Vocal line has popped off, exceeds expectations 100% Aww hi Mingi. Ah thank God the chorus is sweet and full of riffs wowowow this is a sharp contrast from last song. YEOSANG!!! My heart jumps every time I hear him, you don’t know how hard I prayed for him to have more lines. Hongjoong! What are these voices in the background?. Adorable, this is adorable aaaaahaha!! Oh it’s “we are one, we stay one” that they spoiled in ANEWZ I seeeee. This chorus ugh this whole song I love I just have the biggest smile on my face while also sobbing yall don’t understand. The bridge ahh idek what to say I’m so happy with this. You boys make me so proud I hope you know that 😭 !! The voices are back! This is literally so cute hELP

Here comes THANK U I’m not ready ok deep breaths. Whaaaa? I’ve never been more caught off guard in my life that guitar... Yeehaw? Is this a yeehaw song what-? Hongjoong’s singing wait I have to go back I missed it. His voice I— digging my grave. Wait why does this sound lowkey country ohhh dear say sike ah no alright the CHORUS mmm I knew it would be a feel good song. That echoing thing after the chorus is cool. Mingiiii! Did he not say fix on again?? This rap is too cute noooooo oml why Mingi why my jaw is on the floor I can’t believe he’s capable of this.. Ok I like it I’ve decided I like this. I was surprised at first bc I’m not a country fan and it sounded like it was about to be a country song 😂 but this is a bop!! “Gomawo” 😭 no gomawo yourself. Thank you for being on my side 🥺 It’s a hands clapping song. Yes Jongho go off!!! Oh I just gasped the biggest gasp the ending riff was beautiful

Sunrise. Okay deep breaths. I’m gonna just listen and try to not think about the fact Hongjoong cried writing this song. Let’s go. .... oh. OH. Oh it’s soft. I’m soft 🥺 ahhh man they sound so good. This— the background music... it’s doing me in. Aww Mingi. Ahh no this sounds sad whyyy I’m afraid to see the lyrics dangit. (0:41) I just dropped my phone. K that scared me but the lyrics just shot me in the heart. !!!!! I gasped again and now I’m coughing hang on I gotta pause. Just keep it up... boys you outdid yourselves. This GUITAR HOLY CHEESE AND CRACKERS ITS AMAZING. *stomp stomp clap* Hongjoong hiiiii wow this rap right here, I only caught half the lyrics but I know exactly what he is saying ah man. We’ve added instruments in the back. Oh Jongho that was such a clear note the vowel was perfect there. This chorus I can’t. Yeah ok I’m crying again something about the guitar I . Cant type. Oh man. Oh OH OH the bridge the BRIDGE THE BRIDGE everything the vocals the background music. Okay here’s our real stomp stomp clap moment. Ah ok wiping the tears now. They sound great. Hongjoong aaaahh what a way to end the song.

That was an experience I hope I get to breathe during this but I already know I won’t. Um.. it’s piano... for like a solid 20 seconds and it’s slightly jazzy are we getting a ballad?? Our first real ballad!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Seonghwa yessss 🥰 Oh you guys I’ve wanted to hear a ballad from him for so long you don’t even know. Wait everyone sounds so perfect I can’t even describe this. Yunho baby yesss your voice. Wooyoung oml SAN ahhh San your transitions are stunning. Jongho our ballad king it’s like he’s barely even trying and it sounds amazing. Lovely lovely lovely. Mingiiiii he’s singing yet again. Hongjoong too!! Yes oh yes this is it. Their voices all being showcased so perfectly. I’m amazed how well they can all fit this style just as well as they can fit a song like Win. I have one criticism only so far and yall already know what it is. Yeosang still could’ve gotten more lines in this one :_( This is the last song before Beginning of the End oh no. Nooooo I don’t want it to be over. Oh? OH? Yeosang! Yeosangggggg!! Omg I have goosebumps he said NO IM TAKING OVER it’s MY SONG NOW! Wow amazing. The structure of this has been so so interesting I’m definitely going back to analyse. No it’s over...

I’m scared. I’m crying again noo it hasn’t even started jeez pull yourself together. Ok but before I start I really don’t want it to be over and not in a way that implies I want more songs just thinking about how... this is Ep Fin right? The end. Obviously not of ATEEZ (God forbid) it’s only been a year and they’re slaying it I mean absolutely knocking it out of the park each Ep bigger and bolder than the last, they aren’t afraid to try things and when they do they hit the nail on the head. But still this is the end of an era, a storyline too if I’m correct. And it’s just a surreal experience to see it come to a close. ATEEZ, I don’t know where you’re taking us next but I trust you guys and I know it’s going to be amazing.

Ok anyway let’s start the song 🤣 crackling noise? Fire? Ok it’s orchestral. VERY orchestral. “Open your eyes” I felt that San. They were open but I just opened them again. This orchestra is really really moving and cinematic I love it. I see what this is, we’re going Intro: Long Journey except Outro version which is fuller, richer, even more epic and emotional. Oh boy I’m really crying now. Idek what to say again I’m speechless. Oh it swells just like Intro!! Is it the end? Woah???????? What is this? .....SAN?? Wait wait wait it’s over? Like that? No hang on. Waaaait what was that? Seriously that was very strange. I’m not imagining things am I? No does this have something to do with upcoming albums? I’m so confused 😭 it sounded rly cool and spooky whatever it was. Well. Okay! Yeah I guess that’s it. That was the last straw. I should really try to go back to sleep I only have a few hours till I have to get up. But now I’m probably going to go write something, that music was really inspiring. Yeah I think I said what I wanted to honestly! Again I just want to reiterate how proud I am, and remind you to go stream!!!!

KAJAAAAA!

[softforcal]

please OH PLEASE continue the roommate|AU with golden boy Luke PLEASE

continuation of this post (x). Cal here, Ash here, Michael here. 

i got like 7 requests for this little nugget of happiness so here we go

Luke hemmings Roommate!AU

-this little munchkin

-you can’t sleep one night and you’re in the kitchen, Luke comes in and looks tired but wants to keep you company

-talking quietly as he listens to your day and what’s stressing you out and why you can’t sleep

-he looks like he’s going to pass out but refuses to leave you until you go to bed so you’re just like, “look, we can go lay down in my bed and if you fall asleep thats fine.”

-laughing to yourself when Luke wants to be the small spoon

-and he is soooo tired but he’s so warm and soon he’s asleep and you know you’ll be asleep soon too so you press a kiss to his cheek then drift off

-waking up in a tangle of limbs with this giant breadstick

-he’s so precious and golden in the mornings

-never really having fully appreciated it because you’ve never woken up next to him

-kinda just looking at him and he opens your eyes and blushes slightly

-he’s just so pretty and you can’t not kiss him

-your hands tangle in his hair as he pulls you to be straddling him

-pulling away and he just brushes your hair out of your face and you both just smile at each other, then he whispers something like “you’re so beautiful.”

-hiding your face against his chest and you’re both just so happy

-smiling until it hurts

-”so do you maybe wanna… like go on a date sometime?” “pick me up at six Hemmings?” “i’ll try not to be late.”

-realizing that although that was a cute line, since you live together and spend the whole day together anyways might as well just go out whenever

-he takes you to this little hole in the wall restaurant that has a super comfortable vibe

-”can i tell you something?” “of course Luke, you can tell me anything.” “you make me want to write sappy music.”

-heart. melted.

-”oh yeah? like what?” and he proceeds to pull out his phone and read you really cute, romantic lyrics

-”sorry if i’m making this weird, i mean we’re roommates so if you don’t feel the same way-” cutting him off with a kiss

-he’s that guy where you’re walking home and it begins to rain so he covers you with his jacket

-running to get out of the rain but before you can go up the stairs to the apartment he grabs you and spins you around and plants a kiss on you. you pull away, breathless and he just kinda grins sheepishly like “i’ve always wanted to do that with you.”

-grabbing his hand and going back to the apartment

-”you guys are soaked.” “don’t get water on the carpet.” “wait, are you two holding hands?! Luke! you dirty breadstick, you!”

-immediately being attacked with questions and Luke kind of shields you and walks you to your bedroom

-coming out later for food and Calum is kinda just like, “come on, you can tell me.” “Luke and i are trying it out okay?” “pff.” “what do you mean pffff?!” “i mean, that kids been in love with you since the day he first met you. you were everything his ex wasn’t and it made him realize he needed to get out of it. don’t tell him i told you.”

-so thats a bit of a shock

-Michael is pretty straight up about the whole thing, “you know, i’m glad its him. because at least he has the decency to be quiet if he’s in your room, unlike Ashton and Calum who are TOO LOUD!” “its not my fault the girls i bring home are verbally appreciative of my skills in bed.” “sure Mr ‘call me daddy.’”

-Luke tries so hard tho. like so hard. he tries to get Calum to show him how to cook

-bringing you breakfast in bed and you’re so shocked that he cooked but he can’t lie and ends up admitting the eggs he cooked we so bad Calum pushed him away from the stove before he could burn the apartment down

-”Thanks for the eggs Cal!” “don’t mention it Y/N.”

-Luke is king of mushy pet names

-”But babe i wanna cuddle!” “you look gorgeous princess.” “good morning sweetheart.” “there’s my Pretty Girl.” “aw baby, how did i ever get so lucky with you?”

-and he’s so big

-sometimes you think he forgets how big he is

-like this boy tried to shower with you once and then realized it was not going to work cuz his huge body makes him hog all the water

-or when he flops down on top of you when he’s tired

-getting to run your fingers through his hair

-braiding his hair. this is a serious kink of mine but only for Luke, i dont know

-he surprises you at work and leans over the counter to put a flower in your hair

-he’s so smiley and cute and angelic

-all your coworkers are just like “DAMN, Angel boy’s got game!”

-okay he’s just beautiful and if you are not taking pictures of him for artsy instagram posts then you are wrong. you’re wrong fam.

-wearing his clothes and they are soooo looooong on you

-throwing on one of his shirts in the morning and it goes past your knees

-and his jackets just dwarf you

-he’s king of soft kisses

-lazy kisses

-warm kisses

-kisses in the morning where sunlight through the window lights up his bedhead like a crown

-can someone give him a back massage?

-the guys have never seen him this relaxed before, they’re all blown away by all his happy smiles and giggles

-restful spa days where you paint each others nails and put on face masks

-being the most relaxed, laid back, cuddly couple ever

-he’s so happy to move out of Ashton’s room and Ashton is stoked about it, no more sleeping on the couch for Luke

-so much cuddling

-he does grabby hands,  ty to convince me otherwise

-needy boy just wants to be soft with someone

-the softest honey

-so many smiles

-”Luke i have to go to work.” “nooooo.” “Luke, let go of me i have to leave.” “goodbye kisses.”

-and he has such a beautiful voice

-so much singing together

-and him serenading the shit out of you

-him singing you a song that he wrote for you while playing guitar for your anniversary, or just when you have a bad day, and because its such a sweet song that always cheers you up, he sings it whenever you’re sad

-this cuddle muffin freaks out when you’re sad, he can’t stand it

-intertwining your fingers

-he tries so hard to cook for you because he wants to show you that he’s a good boyfriend and he has all these weird prerequisites like being able to cook

-you both freak out when you realize he can actually make decent boxed mac and cheese if he decided to follow the instructions

-”there’s my mac boy.”

-you guys are just so cute the others can’t help but smile when they see you together being all cute

-movie nights where Luke cuddles against you and doesn’t even watch the movie but he looks so happy and peaceful with his head in your lap that none of you guys are going to call him out for it

-when he lets his scruff grow out he loves rubbing it against your neck because you kinda hate it but you always end up laughing and giggling

-inside jokes that are special for the two of you

-his groans are angelic. like imagine being able to make this guy just come undone

-i feel like he’s the really passionate lover

-like he feels things so intensely because he’s a creative soul

-so its usually slow, with lots of grabbing and kissing and scrunching up his eyes (and nose) and just sweet sounds and sweet nothings

-he’s really into praise, giving and receiving

-face stroking 

-looking into your eyes

-laughing while kissing

-just being so at home with this sweet boy

-he’s just a sweet baby who needs love okay?!?!?

[daisychains4]

Strings (9/16)

Chapter 9: Imagination (Masterlist)

Warnings: None

Note: Italics are song lyrics

AN: This is the Shawn Mendes x reader AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

*This chapter switches POV back and forth between Shawn and you. The horizontal line indicates a POV switch.

After he and Hailey had broken up, Shawn returned to his home in Toronto. He needed a break from Hollywood, he needed to focus on writing his album, and he needed to be around his family as much as possible.

Going to sleep in his own bed, he felt settled for the first time in a long time. It was that vulnerability that allowed his subconscious to conjure up images of you while he slept. He hadn’t dreamt about you in months.

He woke up thinking about you. He sat up sleepily and made his way to his large, open kitchen. He opened the cabinet above his coffeemaker, where the coffee should have been. Except Shawn hadn’t been home in months and his cabinet was empty.

“Nooooo,” Shawn moaned. He was going to be useless without caffeine.

He headed back upstairs to throw on clothes for the gym, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door.

———————————————————————

It was your turn to get coffee. You left Shade at the studio with Zoe, a teacher you were becoming close with, and headed down the street to the closest coffee shop. Someone from the studio went almost every day.

You were starting to settle into your new life. You’d found an affordable apartment for you and Shade that wasn’t too far outside downtown Toronto, where the studio was. It was small, but you didn’t need a lot of space, and rent was higher here than it had been in Edmonton.

Shade seemed happier than he had ever been. You could tell he missed Tori, but he fit right into his new studio family. The faculty and dancers adored and fawned over him, and he had a friend to play with while his mum worked. Zoe had a little girl, Selena, who was only six months older than Shade.

You still caught yourself thinking of Shawn often. Being so close to where you grew up made it hard for you to keep him out of your head. Any time you passed somewhere you had been together, you could see him so clearly you could swear it was him. You tried not to think about him as you made your caffeine run.

———————————————————————

Shawn was still thinking about you when he exited his favorite coffee shop near the gym. His dreams had been so vivid that he was seeing your face everywhere, on every stranger he passed. He ducked his head as he stepped further from the coffee shop entrance, hoping to avoid being recognized.

He was so distracted that when he turned the corner, his shoulder slammed hard into a woman who was walking the opposite direction. The coffee he had been holding was knocked from his hand, splashing onto the sidewalk below.

“I’m so—” he began as he looked up to apologize at the woman he’d run into. When he saw your face, the rest of his sentence caught in his throat. He shook his head, sure he was imagining that the woman staring back at him with an expression as shocked as his was you.

———————————————————————

Your mouth gaped at him. You were speechless, too.

In the half second of commotion that passed between dropping his coffee and recognizing you, someone recognized Shawn. Not a moment later, he was swept up by a crowd of excited fans.

At first, you were sure you had imagined that you had just run into — actually run into — Shawn on a crowded street in downtown Toronto. You pictured him everywhere you went. You’d seen his face countless times over the last three years and had been wrong every time.

But when you looked back at the crowd of people that had encircled Shawn, effectively splitting you apart in front of the coffeeshop, you knew it was him. You could hear people in the crowd excitedly shouting his name, asking for pictures with the star.

You didn’t know what to do or how to feel; you were so shocked, you turned and practically ran back to the studio. You’d come so far from the scared teenager you were when you found out you were pregnant, but you weren’t prepared to face your past.

———————————————————————

Oh, there she goes again

Every morning it's the same,

You walk on by my house,

I wanna call out your name.

Shawn tried to fight his way through the crowd — it was truly incredible how many people seemed to appear out of nowhere — but in the minutes that had passed, you had disappeared.

He took off down the street in the direction he thought you’d gone, but you were nowhere to be found. Finally, he turned, walked back to his car, and drove dejectedly home.

Three days later, he was moping on his couch. He had thought of nothing but you. He closed his eyes and conjured the image of you, staring wide-eyed at him from just feet away. You had opened your mouth as if to speak, but no words had come out.

He mentally compared you to the seventeen-year-old version of you. You were now more beautiful than ever. You still wore your (Y/HC) hair in loose waves. You looked like you were coming from a dance class; you wore tight black leggings under a loose shirt, which had always been your preference for practice. Your legs looked longer, leaner, and more appealing than ever. You were a little thinner than he remembered, especially in your face. The biggest difference was your eyes — maybe it was because you were shocked to see him, but your eyes didn’t hold the mischievous, carefree glint he remembered. You almost looked sad.

He had frantically tried to find you on social media, although he’d searched for you on random lonely nights many times before and found nothing. He’d even enlisted the help of his closest friends. He was determined to find you. Even if you didn’t want to see him, he had to try.

I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where I'm standing

You got me thinking what we could be 'cause...

———————————————————————

You were watching Shade play on the playground of a small park near your apartment when your phone rang. You exhaled a sigh of relief when you saw Tori’s name across the screen.

“You have no idea how much I need you right now,” you said by way of answering the phone.

“Hi (Y/N)!” Tori said happily. “Miss me?”

“You have no idea,” you sighed.

“You don’t like the new studio?” Tori asked.

“No, it’s not that, I am starting to really like it here. But Tori, I saw him. I saw Shawn. He’s here.”

“In Toronto? I thought he lived in LA.”

“He doesn’t. I Googled him. He lives here. I ran into him outside a coffee shop.”

“You ran into him! Like—“

“I literally ran into him. Or — maybe he ran into me. It happened so fast, and there was coffee everywhere—“

“Ok, ok, slow down. Start from the beginning.”

You recounted every detail of her brief encounter with Shawn.

“And you’re absolutely sure it was him?”

“Yes! I looked on Twitter. People were posting selfies with Shawn outside the same coffeeshop I was going to on the day I saw him. It was definitely him.”

“But you didn’t talk to him.”

“No! Haven’t you been listening? I freaked out and took off. I didn’t know what else to do. I was just standing there, gaping at him like an idiot. And then this big crowd swarmed him and I split. What else could I do?’

“Well here’s an idea,” Tori said sarcastically. “You could have talked to him. You’ve been pining over him for three years, and you finally get a chance to talk to him, and you run away?”

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“Ok, let’s pretend I’m Shawn.”

“What? No! What’s the point of that?”

“Look, do you want to see him again or not?”

“I don’t know,” you said nervously. “I guess. Yes. Of course I do,” you admitted.

“Then you need to be ready to talk to him. So. Let’s pretend I’m him. What would you say?”

“I guess I would tell him that I’m sorry I left him and that I didn’t have a choice.”

“Ok, that’s a good start. What else?”

“I’d have to tell him about Shade. But how do I even—” Tori could hear the stress in your voice.

“(Y/N), listen. If Shawn is as a great of a guy as you say he is, he’ll want to know about Shade. He’ll want to be part of his life.”

“What if he tries to take him away from me?” you asked.

“Does that sound like the Shawn you knew?”

You thought about the Shawn you knew. The goofy, sweet, loving, sensitive, caring Shawn who would never do anything to hurt anyone. Who always put everyone else before himself. “No, that’s not the Shawn I knew. But I don’t know him anymore.”

“Then maybe you don’t start with Shade. Not right away, anyway. Maybe you just start by getting to know him again. And letting him get to know you. You know, you’ve also changed a lot since you were seventeen.”

You thought about what Tori had said. You thought maybe, just maybe, if you saw Shawn again, you would be ready to talk to him.

———————————————————————

I keep craving, craving

You don't know it but it's true

Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you.

This is typical of love,

Can't wait anymore, I won't wait

I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever

Shawn was still moping on his couch that evening, but he was sitting up and a couple of friends had joined him for a chill night of video games and takeout, so his condition had improved slightly. He had just finished telling the story of running into you.

Ian, Shawn’s friend since grade school, was flabbergasted. “I can’t believe she’s here. No one has heard from her in years!”

“So will you see her again?” asked Matt.

“I want to, but I don’t know how to find her. I tried following her, but by the time I got out of the mob, she was gone.”

“Did you look on Instagram?” asked Brian.

“Yes,” Shawn replied.

“Twitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Snapchat?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Facebook?”

“What? No one’s on Facebook anymore,” Shawn responded. “But yes, I did look.”

“What day did you say you saw her?” Ian asked.

“Uh… Tuesday,” Shawn calculated.

“At the coffee shop on Church?”

“Yes,” Shawn answered.

Ian was thumbing through his phone. “Here?” Ian asked, holding up his phone for Shawn to see the screen.

Shawn saw picture after picture of the mob scene that people had tweeted. “Yeah, that was right after I saw her.”

Ian took back his phone and began looking through the pictures carefully.

“She left, she won’t be in those pictures. There’s no point in looking,” Shawn sounded defeated.

After a few minutes of searching, Ian held up the phone again. “Is that her?” he asked.

Shawn looked closely at the woman he thought Ian was indicating. “No, that’s not her. I mean yeah, she’s got (Y/HC) hair, but that doesn’t look anything like her.”

Ian looked at the screen again. “Not her, her,” he said, pointing to the back of a woman’s head. A (Y/HC) woman. Shawn could tell she was wearing black leggings and boots. He thought he remembered you were wearing boots.

Shawn practically jumped from the couch, grabbing the phone out of Ian’s hands. “That’s her! At least it could be her!” he said excitedly.

Matt and Brian both reached for the phone to see, but Shawn wouldn’t let it go. He was zooming into the picture to see if there was any detail that would prove it was you. Whoever she was, she was walking away from the camera. Her (Y/HC) hair was flying out from behind her as though she had turned quickly to walk away. She appeared to have just thrown her bag over her shoulder as she was turning around. Shawn zoomed in further — and that’s when he saw it.

“Look, on the bag!” he exclaimed. “Do you see it?”

Ian peered over Shawn’s shoulder to look at the picture again. “Is that a logo?” he asked, squinting at her bag.

“I think so!” Shawn was beside himself with excitement. “What does it say?”

Matt took the phone back. “I think that’s a Z. Or… an L?”

Brian disagreed. “Are you an idiot? That’s definitely a T.”

Ian looked at it again. “What’s that above the T or whatever that big letter is?”

“Looks like maybe sturdy,” said Brian.

“Stupid?” asked Matt.

“You’re stupid,” Brian sniggered.

Shawn shoved him. “Stoned? That’s definitely an ‘st,’” Shawn said. “Maybe.”

“Stucco?” Ian suggested. “She works for a stucco company!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“Now who’s the stupid one?” Brian asked.

“Stucco…” Shawn thought. “Stuuuh… studio? STUDIO! It’s a dance studio!” He was jumping up and down in excitement.

“Ok let’s Google it. Studio… T,” Matt typed on his phone. “There’s a Tremaine Studio. Could the T stand for Toronto? There’s nothing called ‘Studio Toronto.”

“What about Studio Z?”

“Nothing.”

Ian was squinting at the picture of the logo again. “Could it be a 7?”

“Studio 7— that sounds like a club! Is she that kind of dancer?” Brian looked sideways at Shawn, who smacked him in the shoulder.

“Studio 7!” Matt shouted. “Look at the logo! It looks like the bag!”

Shawn was jumping up and down on the couch now. “She must dance there!”

“Look at the website, look at the website!” Ian was bouncing on his toes.

Matt navigated to the Studio 7 site and began looking through the company page. “I don’t see her,” he said, disappointedly.

“Maybe she works there,” Brian added, helpful for the first time that night.

“She’s not on the faculty page either,” Matt said after a minute of searching.

“Can we call?” asked Ian. They waited impatiently while he looked up the studio hours.

“They’re closed until 8:00 am,” Matt said.

After his friends had left, Shawn lay awake in his bed, thinking about you. He would go to Studio 7 in the morning. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he dreamt of you.

In my dreams you're with me.

We'll be everything I want us to be.

And from there — who knows?

Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time.

Or is that just me and my imagination?

———————————————————————

You and Shade opened the studio at seven the next morning. You needed to spend some time working on a combination before your morning contemporary class started, and you wanted to leave some of your anxiety on the floor. Dancing always made you feel better.

———————————————————————

Shawn was standing outside the studio door at twenty to seven. He had waited as long as he could to leave his house, but his excitement — and his nerves — had gotten the better of him. He wore a baseball cap and sunglasses, hoping to remain anonymous in the busy city. He didn’t want another scene like before.

He peered in the studio windows. They were reflective, so he had to put his face against the glass to see inside. He jumped slightly when he realized a woman was staring back at him from inside. She walked around the large counter she had been standing behind and approached the door. She pointed to the sign on the door that indicated the studio hours, and then to her left wrist to indicate that he was too early.

“Please,” he plead through the door. He took off his sunglasses, hoping the woman might recognize him and let him in.

She didn’t recognize him right away, but the pathetic look in his eyes made her unlock the door and open it just enough to poke her head out. “Can I help you?”

“Hi. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m looking for someone. I think she dances here. Or maybe works here.”

“Who are you looking for?” Zoe asked.

“(Y/N) (Y/LN),” Shawn said hopefully.

“There’s no one here by that name,” she said.

The hopeless look that crossed Shawn’s face nearly broke Zoe’s heart.

“But...” Zoe paused thoughtfully. “We do have a (Y/N) with a different last name.”

Shawn wondered if they could be talking about the same woman. If they were, and you were going by a different name, that would explain why he’d never been able to find you online.

“(Y/HC) hair? (Y/EC) eyes? About this tall?” Shawn asked, holding his hand up to indicate your height. “I have a picture of her,” he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.

Zoe held her hand up. “No, it’s ok. I’ll just go get her for you. You can wait down here.” She opened the door further to let Shawn into the lobby. She turned to go up a set of spiral stairs to the studio where you were warming up.

———————————————————————

“Hey, (Y/N), there’s some guy here to see you,” Zoe said as she walked across the space to where you were stretched out on the floor. Shade was adorably mimicking your stretches. Or trying to, at least.

“What guy?” you asked curiously.

“I don’t know, but he’s tall, dark, and hot,” Zoe said. “He’s waiting downstairs.”

You gasped. It had to be Shawn. “What did he say?”

“He just said he was looking for you. Well, actually, he said he was looking for (Y/FN) (Y/LN). Is that you?”

“I just use (Y/fake LN) professionally. (Y/LN) is my real last name.”

“Well I guess he found the right girl, then. You going to go talk to him?” Zoe asked.

“I guess I have to.” you hesitated before you walked downstairs. “Zoe, could you keep an eye on Shade for me? Keep him up here?”

“Sure,” Zoe agreed.

You glanced in the mirror on your way out the door. It could be worse, you thought, looking over your faux leather leggings and black sports bra with a baggy open flannel on top. You ruffled your hair, attempting to give it a little more life. It would have to do.

You stood at the top of the stairs. Shawn was standing in the lobby, his back to you. He looked taller than you remembered, and his hair was longer, but it was him. You took a last deep breath before making your way down.

You were almost to the bottom of the stairs when Shawn turned around. You heard him inhale sharply. You stepped onto the landing and stopped. He was just feet away. Neither of you moved and neither of you spoke for a long moment.

Finally, he broke the silence. “(Y/N),” he whispered.

You took a tentative step forward. “Hi Shawn,” you said. You didn’t sound nearly as nervous as you felt. “It’s been a long time.”

He smiled. “Too long.”

Your head dipped down. You didn’t know what to say.

Shawn crossed the room in three steps. He was suddenly right in front of you, so close you could touch him, and you wanted to. Without thinking, you reached your hand up as if to touch his arm, but paused halfway there. You didn’t know if he would want you to touch him after everything you had put him through.

But he did want to touch you. He took one more step forward and wrapped you in his arms. You hesitated, only briefly, before you brought your arms up to encircle his waist. You let out a breath that you felt like you’d been holding for years. You felt Shawn’s mouth brush the top of your head gently.

When you finally pulled apart, you and Shawn both had tears in your eyes.

“I don’t know what to say,” you confessed, smiling.

He beamed back at you. “Have you been here all this time?” His hands were still on your arms, as though he was afraid you would disappear if he let go.

“No,” you were crying in earnest now. “My mum moved us to Edmonton after—” you couldn’t bring yourself to finish your sentence. He knew what you meant. “I’ve only been here for a month.”

“You’re still dancing,” Shawn said, looking around at the studio lobby.

“Choreographing mostly. And teaching,” you said. “And you. You’re taking over the world.”

Shawn blushed. “It’s been quite a ride.”

“Well listen,” you started. “My class is about to show up—”

“Can I see you again? Can we,” Shawn interrupted you, “can we get together? And talk?”

You thought about all of the things you needed to tell him, and knew it would be the hardest thing you ever had to do. Harder even than leaving him behind all those years ago. “Yes,” you said finally. “There are things we need to say.”

We walk, we laugh, we spend our time

Walking by the ocean side.

Our hands are gently intertwined,

A feeling I just can't describe.

All this time we spent alone

Thinking we could not belong

To something so damn beautiful,

So damn beautiful.

You and Shawn met at a nearby Lake Ontario marina the next evening. Shawn had suggested it — he liked walking by the water and he frequented this particular spot because it seemed no one recognized him there. You had left Shade with Zoe and Selena, although it made you nervous. You’d never left Shade with anyone but Tori before.

At first, the conversation was awkward. Although you had three years worth of catching up to do, Shawn could tell that you were holding back.

Shawn was furious as he listened to you recount your move from Pickering to Edmonton. He clenched his fists as you told him the things your mum did, and especially the things she had said to you.

“But then I met the most amazing woman, Tori, who owns a studio there. She let me work around the studio so that I could dance for free, and after I moved out of my mum’s house, she took me in, too.”

“When did you move out?”

“Before I graduated. I just… couldn’t take it anymore,” you said vaguely. “And then I started working at the studio full time and finished high school online—”

“Hey, me too!” Shawn interrupted, excited that you had something in common. He had no idea how different your experiences had been.

“Over the years my choreography started getting some attention. And then Studio 7 picked me up, and as much as I didn’t want to leave Tori, the opportunity was too good to pass up. So here I am,” you finished.

“What about your mum?” Shawn asked.

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “We haven’t spoken since I moved out. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for what she did to me. For what she did to us.”

You had been walking side by side, but Shawn stopped and turned to look at you. You had that sad look in your eye again, the one that told him there might be more to the story than you were ready to share.

“But my life has been so boring compared to yours!” you perked up as you began walking along the water again. “World tours, awards, record-breaking hits, famous girlfriends—”

“One famous girlfriend,” Shawn corrected. “Well. One famous ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh?” you asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“She was just… she wasn’t…” Shawn wanted to say she wasn’t you, but he didn’t want to scare you away. “It was never going to work out. It was over for a long time before we broke up.”

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly.

“I’m not,” he replied.

I keep craving, craving, you don't know it, but it's true.

Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you.

This is typical of love,

Can't wait anymore, I won't wait

I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever.

In my dreams you're with me

We'll be everything I want us to be.

And from there — who knows?

Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time,

Or is that just me and my imagination?

The awkwardness between you dissipated more the longer you talked. Shawn was hopeful that you were finding your way back to each other, the way he’d always dreamed you would. His hand itched to reach for yours, but he put his hands in his pockets instead. In some ways, you reminded him of a wild animal — it seemed you might bolt at any moment.

When you reached the end of the marina, you turned to look out over Lake Ontario as the sun set across the water. Shawn took a deep breath, then slowly placed his arm around your shoulder. He felt your body stiffen momentarily before you relaxed into his touch. It felt so natural to him, like you had never been apart. He wanted to hold you and never let you go.

You stood in silence as the sky darkened around you. You both knew there was more to say, but for the moment, you were content to simply breathe each other in. The awkwardness had been replaced with a new kind of tension Shawn could feel humming between you. He clutched your body to his a little more tightly, only to have you pull away, slowly untangling your arms.

“I should go,” you said.

“But—” Shawn began to protest.

“I really need to get back home. But this was nice,” you conceded.

“Can I see you again?” Shawn blurted out before you could flee. The hope in his eyes was evident. “Take you to dinner?”

You thought your heart might explode then and there. You longed to close the distance between you and feel his arms wrap around you again, to feel his lips on yours. But you knew that you had to tell him the truth before you went any further.

“Shawn, there’s something you should know,” you said.

Shawn’s face fell. “Oh. Is there… is there someone else?”

You just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. Not yet. The fear of losing your son overcame you. “Yes,” you said before you thought about what that would mean.

“Oh. I see.” It felt like his heart might shatter. “Is it serious?” he asked after a long silence.

“It’s pretty serious,” you said, thinking of your son.

“I see,” Shawn said dejectedly. But he still wasn’t ready to give up on you. “But can I still see you? As a friend? I mean, after all this time. I’m just not ready to say goodbye again.”

“Of course,” you smiled sadly. “Friends.”

For now, Shawn would accept that.

In my dreams you're with me

We'll be everything I want us to be

And from there — who knows?

Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time,

Or is that just me and my imagination?

I keep craving, craving

You don't know it, but it's true.

Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you...

[taetaespeaches]

got my albuuuuuuummmm, it took longer than what i thought bc i ordered to my uncles office in the us and he had to go get it lol, its very heavy and very pretty,

these are my first random cards, bc i only have the deluxe BE album and there weren't any random pick, i want to buy the other ones slowly but surely someday lol

aaaaaand i got suga postcard and jimin photocard

its like they know they've been making me weak these days

srsly jimin is wrecking my soul lately, i was listening to filter and i just wish i was there when map of the soul came out just so i could die with all of you listening to filter for the first time

and i didn't say this last time but i loved yoongi's attitude at festa

i love how he's just so sure of this decision, the boy is chilling, thriving and it shows and i love it

taking millions of classes 'cause he's a nerd i love himmmmmmmmmmm

i say nerd in the sweetest way possible, im so proud of him, i love a multitasking yoongi

after all tbh ive been feeling a bit down

maybe a lot down lol

im normally a sleepy person, people say "she's always tired" which yeah i am

but i don't think they understand why, sometimes i don't understand why

but i hate this bc last week i was actually feeling good, i was ok and i had at least some faith ... idk what but i felt nice

and since sunday i just don't feel like that at all anymore

im trying but im just so sick of everything

i feel sad and desperate but i just want to sleep

this time i think i know why i feel like this but tbh i don't know what to do

i think im starting that period of the year when im just craving vacation or just some alone time, i miss myself

also i think my body wants to catch a cold and im like nooooo bitch but im in between lmao

anyways, my cousin arrived yesterday when i went to get my package and my other cousin said "ask him the names of bts members".. so i did lol, and he was really good,

he said "jungkook, jin, jimin, suga..." and my uncle went in and said "V!" , "yeah lol V!, jhope.. he's my favourite, and of course the leader RM"

VERY IMPRESSED , and then he said "i've studied before i came here........ my girlfriend likes them now" looool "ive listened to butter A LOT i think i know all the lyrics "

he's sweet, he was my best friend when i was in high school bc i was new in this city (i hate this city btw) and he's the only cousin of my age so we were inseparable, now he lives far away and im sad again damn it

right now im alone at work bc everyone went out to... idk where... tbh i don't care, this is what i wanted lmao

anyway just wanted to talk about my album and my sad part came out im sorry it was longer than what I thought

but youuu, Liv you have a nice day, ur cool ♥ 😎

Aww yay!! I'm glad you got it! The random pulls are so exciting, like it's such a small joy of life lol. I'm still waiting for the big complete version of the album :/ Yoongi and Jimin!!!! Great pull, I love that for you <3

I think we all wish we found bts earlier than when we did so that's very relatable. I can tell you that I remember everyone losing their minds over filter and my time like those were the two that everyone went nuts over, and rightfully so! And I agree, Yoongi's attitude during festa was very cool, he's just so comforting

I'm sorry you're feeling down :( I can relate to the feeling of being just tired and drained and it sucks. I definitely get wanting to have some time to yourself or wanting to get away for a bit. I hope you can get in touch with yourself and start feeling a bit better. But like be gentle and patient with yourself! It's ok to feel down, I just hope it doesn't last much longer. Also, your cousin sounds cute :( but yeah, it's ok to be sad! I hope you're feeling better today. Enjoy your album!! <3 I love you!

[reifromrfa]

hii! i was wondering if you would do rfa + v reacting to male!mc performing as either evan in dear evan hansen or whizzer in falsettos?? its really nice to see another mysme fan who likes theatre stuff!!! :) thank you if you do this and thank you for making content!

Sorry this took so long! I had to watch Dear Evan Hansen and just. WOW. It was beautiful ;A; I really like it 😃 I’m not a super big fan of the lying, I have to admit ;;; But I understand why he did what he did and I love the story so much ❤️ I feel like it’s really relevant 😃 Thank you for requesting this hahaha! I hope you like it!

Yoosung

He’s super excited to see you perform up on stage, the bouquet of roses for you ready on his lap

He’s really focused on the songs and he tries his best to understand what the characters are saying through the lyrics

How come nobody wants to sign your cast?? Yoosung wants to sign your cast so bad!

But then Connor signs your cast and he’s pouting

Waving Through A Window —gets goosebumps when everybody steps up on stage and backs you up

Connor…killed himself?

Oh my God he’s already crying

For Forever —he’s biting his lip because the way you sang about your friendship is beautiful and he’s really touched and sad okay

You can bet he’ll take you out on that perfect day after the musical

Sincerely, Me is waaaay better and he finds himself laughing and even blushing when the guy playing Connor acts out what Jared is typing

If I Could Tell Her —your eyes slide to his in the middle of the song and he’s blushing because he knows you’re thinking of him when you’re singing it

When you kiss Zoe though, he has to remind himself that it’s only a musical ;A;

He knows you only have eyes for him though ❤️

Disappear — why is Connor touching you?? the lyrics are beautiful though and Yoosung finds himself smiling when your character proposes the Connor Project

And then Zoe kisses you and yandere Yoosung comes out

He feels sad when you and Jared fight though; he knows Jared considered you a real friend despite saying you were only “family friends”

And then Evan’s mom is at the Murphy’s and he’s frozen, dreading the scene that about the unfold

Good for You —he’s scared of Mrs Hansen now ;;; and he’s shocked when your character talks back to his mom

Your harmony is so cool though and he can’t tear his eyes away

Words Fail —nooooo Yoosung is crying so hard

He’s biting his lip but the RFA members next to him can hear him sniffling

He will give you a huge hug after the show ;A;

And tbh he’ll probably want a hug too ;A;

So Big/So Small —he misses his mom now

And he’s crying even harder because he sees his mother in Heidi

That no matter how much he screws up, she will be there for him

She only wants the best for him and he promises to call her after the show

He’s still teary-eyed as the show comes to an end but he’s the first on his feet, clapping and cheering for you and wiping his tears away, grinning

He’s so proud of you and he loves the musical so much

Backstage, he will give you the big hug mentioned above, making sure to hold you longer than usual so Zoe and Connor would know you’re his

And he will give you a bouquet with a cute teddy bear, gushing over how good you were that you made him cry a lot

Would probably ask you to sing to him when you guys are home, he loves listening to your voice and he really likes the lyrics of the songs

He makes it a point to call his mom more and makes sure his parents know he loves them

Zen

He’s so excited to see you up on stage

He hasn’t seen or heard anything about the musical yet so he’s really excited to see what’s going to happen

You nail the mannerisms and habits of the character so much that he leans forward in his seat and watches your every move

He’s actually learning from you

Waving Through A Window — he is hooked. You sing so well and with so much emotion

The smooth transition from your natural voice to your falsetto turns him on so much makes him puff out his chest with pride

That’s his MC up there

Sincerely, Me —he’s laughing at how adorable you are and he really hates himself for not auditioning for Connor

“…the only man that I love is my dad!”

That’s not what you were saying last night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

For Forever —your voice is beautiful and he just wants to listen to it for forever

If I Could Tell Her —he loves this song; you play the part of the guy who’s telling his crush how he feels but not letting her know it’s really him speaking really well

He’s not worried about Zoe at all, because he already knows you love him

Connor is another story ;;;

Because look at the guy playing Connor’s ripped body okay Zen is a little threatened

Disappear —yep, he’s so angry at himself for not being Connor

You Will Be Found —he’s so amazed and proud of you; he thought that last line that you sang, so soft and heartfelt after the crescendo of the cast was amazing that he felt shivers go down his spine

You are that good

Words Fail — His words have failed him. He wants nothing more than to run to you and hold you tight and promise you that everything will be okay. He’s so immersed in your performance and when you start crying —oh man, Zenny’s crying too

So Big/ So Small —Oh man, he’s crying even more because he’s wishing his mom was like Heidi; someone who didn’t resent him for having good looks and being interested in performing

“And I knew there would be moments I’d miss, And I knew there would be space I couldn’t fill, And I knew I’d come up short in a billion different ways, And I did, And I do, And I will.” —these words will stay with him

Because his family thought he was a failure for not “being successful” like his brother and for pursuing something that’s not “normal” or considered a “good job” by his family

And he feels like he let them down somehow but Zen still pursued his dream regardless; he’s not perfect and he knows he’ll disappoint his family one way or another but he also hopes they see what he’s achieved and one day be proud of him instead

He loves the ending though and he’s so proud of you

He’s cheering and whistling and he rushes backstage and pulls you into his arms

“Babe! That was amazing!”

He is your number 1 fan and he makes sure to post a selfie with you right after the show

“Giving my MC some much needed love after his breathtaking performance! Everybody check out Dear Evan Hansen and support my love~!”

He really wishes he could have been your Connor but he’ll memorize Connor’s parts nonetheless and will sing it with you at home

Late that night at home, you wake up and realize Zen’s not in bed

You tiptoe to the door and hear him tapping his foot impatiently on the floor

And then you hear his voice

“Hey mom…sorry, I know it’s late. Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m okay. No I just wanted to call and check if everyone’s alright…Yes, I’m fine…Yes, I’m still doing musicals…Oh? He said that?…When are you guys free then? I’ll book you the best seats in the house!”

You go back to bed grinning, happy for your man

Bonus: For your anniversary, he sings his own version of If I Could Tell Her with lyrics meant specifically for you

Jumin

He’s confused as to why you keep fiddling with the end of your shirt or act all awkward

But then he understands that Evan Hansen has anxiety and he watches with rapt attention at everything you do, making mental notes and learning about your character as much as he could through your actions

Anybody Have A Map? —wow, being a parent must be so hard. Makes a mental note to read up about parenthood because he wishes to have a family with you someday

Waving Through A Window —he’s so focused on you that he doesn’t even hear Saeyoung and Yoosung whispering about how good you are

But he understands how it feels like to be alone and to have no one truly understand you

That is, until you came into his life

For Forever —he vows to give you loads of perfect days to sing about

Of course, he doesn’t wish to just be “buddies” with you

But he doesn’t really approve lying about being friends with that Connor boy when your characters were obviously not friends

Sincerely, Me —creating fake emails about your relationship? He’s not sure supports what your character is doing

But for your sake he tries to be understanding and watches quietly, smiling at the friendship you and Jared seemed to have

If I Could Tell Her —he’s smiling to himself at how goofy and awkward your character is; honestly, he thinks you can be awkward like Evan, especially when he goes sweet on you and you become flustered

You Will Be Found —he truly thinks that what you’re doing for Connor is wonderful but Jumin knows things built on lies don’t last forever

He admires your voice though and he closes his eyes unconsciously sometimes, wanting to focus on your voice, the emotions behind your words

He wants your voice and only your voice filling his mind

To Break in a Glove —his heart melts at the song because it reminds him of his relationship with his father

Jumin really values family and he’s sad that your character doesn’t have a father figure but he’s glad you were given an opportunity to bond with Connor’s dad as though he was your own father

Makes a note to ask Assistant Kang to schedule a dinner with his father

“You do the hard thing ‘cause that’s the right thing.” —he already knows this is a foreshadowing ;;;

He’s afraid of the ending now; he doesn’t want everything to come crashing down on you

Only Us —a romantic song between you and the female lead? Lol he’s just chill because he knows you’re not interested in her romantically

Ah, your mother gets invited to dinner with the Murphy’s…this will not end well ;;;

He winces during Good for You

He doesn’t like family fighting and he feels bad for your character but he also sees things from the mother’s perspective

And then the Murphys find out you had lied to them ;;;

Words Fail —he sucks in his breath and he’s blown away by the raw emotion you’re showing on stage

He’s crying inside

This man loves you so much and he would never do anything to hurt you precisely because he doesn’t want to see you get hurt

But now you’re showing him how you would sound —how you would look with tears streaming down your face as you sing

His heart is breaking

So Big/So Small —he’s smiling now because he’s happy at the mother’s reaction

He’s a firm believer that at the end, your family is the one who will truly support you and love you and accept you; they are the people you can lean on and who will love you unconditionally

He can’t wait until you two start a family together

He’s happy with how the play ends; Zoe forgiving you and you moving on, trying to get to know Connor in your own way

He goes backstage to congratulate your wonderful performance when he sees the actor playing Connor is congratulating you

Big mistake

Jumin strides over to you, bouquet in hand

“MC.”

You turn to him and your eyes go wide when he pulls you to him and kisses you in front of the actor

Lol Jumin please calm down ;;;

Juju she’s into women ;;;

MC he’s not listening hahaha

He finally pulls away and hands you a large bouquet of red roses, lolol they are the same color as your face

“The show was truly beautiful and I’m very proud to have you as my partner, MC.”

He would try his best to watch your shows because he absolutely loves watching you do what you love

Saeyoung

Note: This happens after the whole Mint Eye so Saeran is with him in the audience.

Dear Evan Hansen, huh?

A lot of people have been saying Zen should play Connor on Tripter so Saeyoung has heard about the musical a little

When the curtains open to reveal you sitting on the bed he’s clapping and cheering the loudest

“We’re family friends.” He’s laughing so hard in his seat

It’s a good thing you reserved the balcony for him and the RFA ;;;;

Waving Through a Window —he’s quiet because he can actually relate to the song and your character

He’s a secret agent so he doesn’t have any lasting relationships apart from the RFA, Saeran, Mary Vanderwood the 3rd and of course, you

“When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around. Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? It’s like I never made a sound. Will I ever make a sound?” —this line really gets to him because he doesn’t “exist” in this world

So if he disappears…will anyone even know?

But he looks at you singing your heart out on the stage and he smiles, glad that you chose to love him

For Forever —uh oh. Did your character just lie? Oh boy, he already knows where this is heading ;;;

He loves the imagery of For Forever though and his eyes slide to Saeran, who’s sitting beside him and he can’t help but wish he could have that perfect day with his brother as well

He cracks up during Sincerely, Me though

Makes a mental note to look for Zoe’s costume so he can wear it at home~

Disappear —Saeran could swear he saw tears in his brother’s eyes but Saeyoung’s gaze never leaves you

And when you turn to him during the song, he bites his lip so hard that he tasted blood, to keep himself from crying

But when the Connor Project is mentioned he clears his throat and hastily wipes away his tears

You Will Be Found —he thinks you sang it perfectly and he’s up on his feet the moment it ends, clapping and cheering

He disappears the moment the lights come on though but Saeran tells the rest of the members not to worry; he has an idea where his brother is and he knows Saeyoung just needs to be alone

He returns just as the lights are dimming for Act II and he’s fine for a while

Until Momma Hansen comes into the picture

Uh-oh

He’s cringing because he knows the consequences of lies and he cringes even more when he sees your character flustering on stage during the dinner with the Murphys and your mom

Good For You —whoa there, Momma Hansen is getting riled up and he’s honestly scared for you ;;;

Words Fail — …oh my God. He’s speechless. He wants to run to you so bad Saeran scrambled to pull him back when he stood up and started climbing the railing

He hates seeing you sad and the sight of you singing there, the anguish laced in your voice —Saeyoung is heartbroken

So Big/So Small —the twins are crying

They’re not even hiding it anymore, their friends know their story

The rest of the members give them a group hug, yes even Jumin, because these boys have been through a lot and they had the roughest childhood with no one to support them —no one was even allowed to know they exist; it’s worse because their mother was the one making them suffer

His eyes are puffy at the Finale but he’s happy that Zoe forgives Evan and he’s screaming your name during the curtain call, clapping loudly

He nervously meets you backstage and you notice his red rimmed eyes and you smile at him

He knows the poster is of you in a cast so he hands you his gift: a robot cat with a cast on its leg —and Saeyoung’s name on the cast

At home you’ll hear him humming the songs to himself sometimes, and when you come back from shows (and he doesn’t realize you’re home yet) you hear the songs blasting through the speakers and he’s singing along with it

I couldn’t do V’s because I haven’t played his route and I saw some photos of his mom floating around tumblr somewhere so my interpretation might be inaccurate ;A; Sorry! 😔

Check out my other Mysme writings here!

Mango Shake/Ko-fi is always very much appreciated (ᵔᴥᵔ)

I’d be honored to write your story

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[hsmp3]

ok here we go! i wanna get 'love me please?' in harry's handwriting or maybe something from witw! oh babe i ALSO have a sad playlist (tbh i listen to it more than I'd like to admit), and what i CAN'T believe someone hasn't asked you out! are they blind or something? anyway you're way too special and amazing for them... and in my worst date we just walked and we didn't get along at all but we made out and i ghosted her DSKD i was getting ovee someone. my mistake. & honestly i don't have 1 yet! 🎅

LOVE ME PLEASE !! that’s such a cute tattoo, also the walking in the wind is adorable too :’)) my sad playlist is called “gucci tennis shoes runnin from your issues” (a fave lyric from one of my fave ariana grande songs ksjdhfjads) and it’s so long sO yes i

sdkfdksfds you’re too sweet :’(( i haven’t really officially dated anyone either but i want that to change bc i’m in college and would like 2 treat a girl to a nice date :’(( SADFHDSFJDSL NOOOOO AT LEAST YOu got to make out with her sdkjfakdsj

[lovemesomesurveys]

Your name, please? Stephanie. Are you heartbroken right now? My heart is still... sad. If so, how long have you been heartbroken? It’s not just in the romantic sense. It’s that, but it’s also just cause of life and things that have happened. Things and people I’ve lost. Do you like the area you live in? No. Do you ever get complimented on your eyes? What color are they? No. They’re brown.

What facial feature do you like the best on a person? It really just varies depending on the person.

Do you like to be called baby? No. What is your favorite flower? Roses. When did you last use the restroom? Earlier. How long is your hair? It’s past my butt. Do you have braces? No. Do you have any freckles? Yes. I have some on my cheeks, my nose, and my arms. How many windows does your room have? Just one. Do you have a rug in your room? What color is it? My room is carpet. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever held? I’ve only held dogs and cats. Do you get extremely hyper when under the influence of sugar? No. It doesn’t affect me. What about caffeine? No I don’t think it affects me at all anymore. <<< Same. I just drink it because I really do like it and it’s just become an addiction habit now. lol. Although, you don’t wanna talk to me before I’d had my cup of coffee in the morning. Have you ever tried any drugs? If so, did you regret it? I’ve only smoked weed. Do you have any pregnant friends? I don’t have any friends. Have you seen anyone lately that you knew but didn’t remember from where? No.

When was the last time you toilet papered or egged someones house? I have never done that and I never would do that. Do you usually dress up for Halloween? Last year was the first time I didn’t dress up. I wasn’t feelin’ it. I’m over that whole thing, honestly. Just give me fall. When ordering food, what do you usually get as a drink? Soda. Put your favorite color and favorite animal. EX: Silver walrus Pastel giraffe. Yes, I grouped colors together but how cool does a pastel giraffe sound? ha. When drawing something, do you try to be super precise or do you not care? I try to be as precise as I can, but I’m no artist by any means. I just try to draw every now and then. It’s been a long time, though. When was the last time you snapped at someone? I get snippy a lot. :/

Does it bug you when people clap with their palms? No? That doesn’t affect me in any way. Have you hugged anyone today? No. How many languages do you know how to say ‘happy birthday’ in? Two. What language would you like to learn that you don’t already know? Swedish. Are you able to take this language at your school? I’m not in school anymore, but no it wasn’t something that was ever offered. Have you ever been into a bar? Yeah. Wasn’t my thing, but I went sometimes with my friend. What ethnicity are you? Mexican and Caucasian. Some Irish and Filipino. How much makeup do you wear? I rarely wear makeup anymore. It’s been awhile.

If you could fly, what kind of wings would you have? Soft, big, pastel colored ones.

Write some lyrics from the song stuck in your head right now. “All you have to do is stay a minute, just take your time, the clock is tickin’ so stay.”

Do you like that song? Yeah. Would you describe yourself as ‘feisty’? No. How corny is High School Musical in your opinion? I was into the whole High School Musical thing, I can admit it. I actually saw them on tour. lol. The songs were catchy, what can I say? Have you actually read Twilight? Yes. What about Harry Potter? Actually, no. I’ve only seen the movies. Out of the two, which is better? I was a big Twihard at the time, something else I can admit. I think it’s pretty cheesy now. I enjoyed the Harry Potter movies as well. Now; though, I’m not super into either one. I’d watch Harry Potter over Twilight, though. Name a member of the Beatles! Ringo Starr. If Elvis Presley was in a hot tub, what would he be drinking? Deep fried ice cream smoothie. <<<< Hahah. I like that. What was the name of your first crush? Phillip. How long ago was that? I was in 3rd grade lol. Do you still know that person? Nope. I never did know him. Can you handle your emotions very well? No. How often do you read books? I go through spurts. There’s times I’m reading several books back to back and then I stop for awhile and repeat. There’s a book I need to finish, actually. I haven’t read in awhile. Are you the jealous type? More envious. Are you the type of person who gets jealous of people’s pasts? Like jealous about the past of someone I’m dating/interested in? I don’t really understand that. I get people have a past before me. I really can’t say anything at my age now, especially. I’ll be twenty-eight soon. As long as they’re not still talking/seeing someone or caught up with their ex, then I don’t care. All I care about is the present time with me and the other person.

Have you ever gotten an ear infection from riding an airplane? No. When was the last time you witnessed someone throw up? I don’t know.

When was the last time YOU threw up? Four years ago. Do you know anyone who faints at the sight of blood? No. I get squeamish and a little light headed, but I don’t faint. Can you do any ‘magic’ tricks? I actually knew some card tricks when I was a kid. I was into that stuff for a bit. Do you know how to play Checkers? Yeah. It’s easy. Chess, on the other hand, is one I never really caught on to. I didn’t really care enough to really try and learn. What clubs are you in at school? I’m no longer in school. I was in the psych club while I attended community college. What do you fear most in this world? Losing my loved ones. What do your siblings fear most in this world? I’m not sure. Is Taylor more of a boy’s name or a girl’s name? It can be both. What about Dylan? I typically think of a guy when I hear that name, but there’s a female news anchor on the Today Show named Dylan. What colors are the eyes of your family members? My dad’s eyes are blue. My mom, both of my brothers, and I have brown eyes. Are you related to anyone with red hair? Yeah, my cousin on my dad’s side is a natural red head. Do you know anyone with super super green eyes? No. What color was your hair when you were little? My natural hair color is dark brown. What color is it now? I dye it red. Were you a chubby baby? Yes. What is your favorite mythical creature? Fairies. Do you know anyone with a mullet? No. What is your favorite fruit? Bananas. Do you always feel like you have to be the best? No. I’ve never felt that way. Are you looking forward to summer? Nooooo. It’s already summer, and I dread it every year. Are you wearing socks right now or are you barefoot? I’m wearing socks.

What’s on your favorite necklace? I don’t have a favorite necklace. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Seven. Which is better: gingerbread or butterscotch? Butterscotch. I don’t like gingerbread. Caramel or peanut butter? Peanut butter. Nutella or chocolate? Chocolate. I don’t like Nutella *gasp* Do you own an iPad? No. I use my mom’s sometimes. How hard is it for you to get out of bed in the morning? I never really want to, but that cup of coffee gets me out eventually. How many books are in the current room you’re in? A lot. Do you keep a sketchpad in your room? No. Is there anything you do right before you go to sleep? Drink a glass of water and pray. How much money is currently in your wallet? None. Do you get an allowance? No. I’m old. Do you usually have sweet dreams or nightmares? I rarely dream at all. How has the weather been lately? H o t.

When was the last earthquake you felt? I’ve never felt one.