#noodle making machine amazon

[laxmienterprises]

Noodle Making Machine - International Traders Channel - Laxmi Enterprises

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A year in illustration, 2023 edition (part two)

(This is part two; part one is here.)

The West Midlands Police were kind enough to upload a high-rez of their surveillance camera control room to Flickr under a CC license (they've since deleted it), and it was the perfect frame for dozens of repeating clown images with HAL9000 red noses. This worked out great. The clown face is from a 1940s ad for novelty masks.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

I spent an absurd amount of time transforming a photo I took of three pinball machines into union-busting themed tables, pulling in a bunch of images from old Soviet propaganda art. An editorial cartoon of Teddy Roosevelt with his big stick takes center stage, while a NLRB General Counsel Jennifer Abruzzo's official portrait presides over the scene. I hand-made the eight-segment TILT displays.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/06/goons-ginks-and-company-finks/#if-blood-be-the-price-of-your-cursed-wealth

Working with the highest-possible rez sources makes all the difference in the world. Syvwlch's extremely high-rez paint-scraper is a gift to people writing about web-scraping, and the Matrix code waterfall mapped onto it like butter.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

This old TWA ad depicting a young man eagerly pitching an older man has incredible body-language – so much so that when I replaced their heads with raw meat, the intent and character remained intact. I often struggle for background to put behind images like this, but high-rez currency imagery, with the blown up intaglio, crushes it.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/04/dont-let-your-meat-loaf/#meaty-beaty-big-and-bouncy

I transposed Photoshop instructions for turning a face into a zombie into Gimp instructions to make Zombie Uncle Sam. The guy looking at his watch kills me. He's from an old magazine illustration about radio broadcasting. What a face!

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/18/the-people-no/#tell-ya-what-i-want-what-i-really-really-want

The mansplaining guy from the TWA ad is back, but this time he's telling a whopper. It took so much work to give him that Pinnocchio nose. Clearly, he's lying about capitalism, hence the Atlas Shrugged cover. Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights" makes for an excellent, public domain hellscape fit for a nonconensual pitch about the miracle of capitalism.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/27/six-sells/#youre-holding-it-wrong

There's no better image for stories about techbros scamming rubes than Bosch's 'The Conjurer.' Throw in Jeff Bezos's head and an Amazon logo and you're off to the races. I boobytrapped this image by adding as many fingers as I could fit onto each of these figures in the hopes that someone could falsely accuse me of AI-generating this. No one did.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Once again, it's Bosch to the rescue. Slap a different smiley-face emoji on each of the tormented figures in 'Garden of Earthly Delights' and you've got a perfect metaphor for the 'brand safety' problem of hard news dying online because brands don't want to be associated with unpleasant things, and the news is very unpleasant indeed.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/11/ad-jacency/#brand-safety

I really struggle to come up with images for my linkdump posts. I'm running out of ways to illustrate assortments and varieties. I got to noodling with a Kellogg's mini-cereal variety pack and I realized it was the perfect place for a vicious gorilla image I'd just found online in a WWI propaganda poster headed 'Destroy This Mad Brute.' I put so many fake AI tells in this one – extra pupils, extra fingers, a super-AI-esque Kellogg's logo.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/05/variegated/#nein

Bloodletting is the perfect metaphor for using rate-hikes to fight inflation. A vintage image of the Treasury, spattered with blood, makes a great backdrop. For the foreground, a medieval woodcut of bloodletting quacks – give one the head of Larry Summers, the other, Jerome Powell. For the patient, use Uncle Sam's head.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/20/bloodletting/#inflated-ego

I killed a long videoconference call slicing up an old pulp cover showing a killer robot zapping a couple of shrunken people in bell-jars. It was the ideal image to illustrate Big Tech's enshittification, especially when it was decorated with some classic tech slogans.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/22/who-wins-the-argument/#corporations-are-people-my-friend

There's something meditative about manually cutting out Tenniel engravings from Alice – the Jabberwock was insane. But it was worth it for this Tron-inflected illustration using a distorted Cartesian grid to display the enormous difference between e/acc and AI doomers, and everyone else in the world.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/27/10-types-of-people/#taking-up-a-lot-of-space

Multilayer source images for your remixing pleasure:

Scientist in chemlabhttps://craphound.com/images/scientist-in-chem-lab.psd

Humpty Dumpty and the millionaires https://craphound.com/images/humpty-dumpty-and-the-millionaires.psd

Demon summoning https://craphound.com/images/demon-summoning.psd

Killer Robot and People in Bell Jars https://craphound.com/images/killer-robot-and-bell-jars.psd

TWA mansplainer https://craphound.com/images/twa-mansplainer.psd

Impatient boss https://craphound.com/images/impatient-boss.psd

Destroy This Mad Brute https://craphound.com/images/destroy-this-mad-brute.psd

(Images: Heinz Bunse, West Midlands Police, Christopher Sessums, CC BY-SA 2.0; Mike Mozart, Jesse Wagstaff, Stephen Drake, Steve Jurvetson, syvwlch, Doc Searls, https://www.flickr.com/photos/mosaic36/14231376315, Chatham House, CC BY 2.0; Cryteria, CC BY 3.0; Mr. Kjetil Ree, Trevor Parscal, Rama, “Soldiers of Russia” Cultural Center, Russian Airborne Troops Press Service, CC BY-SA 3.0; Raimond Spekking, CC BY 4.0; Drahtlos, CC BY-SA 4.0; Eugen Rochko, Affero; modified)

[cloudymindddd]

some of my fav safe foods/ meals 💗✨

- oatmeal (specifically cinnamon maple)

- cucumber salad (I just make with white vinegar,soy sauce & seasame seeds)

- edamame

- air popped popcorn w 0 c@l butter

- sugar free jello w light whipped cream

- fiber one bars (coffee cake flavor)

- egg whites

- pho flavored sipping broth

- veggie roll sushi

- snowcones with 0 cal syrup (got a lil machine on Amazon)

- everything bagel rice cakes w light laughing cow cheese

- broth based soups (minestrone, chicken noodle, etc)

[wernher-von-brawny]

Winter 2023 Faves

So, this was a season.

Nothing wrinkled my brain – No Bocci or Do It Yourself!! – but these were enjoyable company with my morning muffin. No ranking this time, but here’s my top four:

Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

(Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill) AKA A Boy and His Dog: The Isekai

An isekai’d salaryman whose superpower is an Amazon account – I kinda think this is what The Shield Hero should have been.

I’m a sucker for great animal sidekicks, and Veldora, I mean Fenrir the super-wolf is absolutely adorable, no matter how obnoxious. And who can forget rat boy, I mean baby slime? If you’re gonna Rimiru, then female child soldier/swiss army knife is an another adorable merchandising opportunity.

And extra points for the cooking tips, but all your wyvern stew and orc-burgers made my chicken nuggets and buttered noodles feel even more like peasant food.

They handled the repeating gags well, and all the characters from goddesses to butchers are well written. But Ash Ketchum (or whatever he’s called in this show) needs to grow a damn pair.

Kyuuketsuki Sugu Shinu 2nd Season

(The Vampire Dies in No Time 2nd Season) AKA Stupid, Stupid Vampire

In a stronger season, this would have been a Returning Champion, but in Winter 2023, being such a solid player bumped it into the leaderboard.

Always amusing and queer and weird and I like everybody in it. I think it had already found its groove in season 1, but the S2 opening titles were WAY better. Like, I would sometimes actually watch them instead of skipping.

It always left me smiling, and I hope we get a season 3.

Rougo ni Sonaete Isekai de 8-manmai no Kinka wo Tamemasu

(Saving 80,000 Gold in Another World for My Retirement) AKA Isekai Lesbian Capitalist

More like Little Orphan Anime, am I right? 😃 Or maybe The Legend of Tanya The Merchant.

I sometimes got too busy to keep up with all the shows, but this one kept me coming back week after week.

On the one hand, I can see where they painted over what'sername from Bookworm, but on the other, I don’t care.

I was amused by how the world would bend implausibly to conform to our Mary Sue’s ambitions. The king just shows up unannounced at a restaurant to foil the machinations of an evil merchant? Sure, babe. I think I saw that same thing in an old episode of Three’s Company.

IDK if we’ll see more of her, but she’s my imaginary friend, and I’m glad she her dukedom got.

Benriya Saitou-san, Isekai ni Iku

(Handyman Saitou in Another World) AKA I Had To Die and Be Reincarnated In Another World To Finally Get Some Fucking Appreciation

I was surprised by how quickly I fell for this. I think I needed something to take the place of Picking Up Girls In Dungeons, and this satisfied. Plus, dick jokes!

I also liked how it would mix it up between short four panel gags and longer arcs. Fave found family show of the season.

The rest of my watch list:

Isekai Will Never Die:

Isekai Nonbiri Nouka (Farming life in another world) AKA What If Superman Was A Farmer?: Harem Isekai AKA Indolence Is Sin: Part 2

Isekai Ojisan (Isekai Uncle) AKA I’m You But Better, You Fucking Neet

Kami-tachi ni Hirowareta Otoko 2nd Season (By the Grace of the Gods 2nd Season) AKA Isekai Slime Tamer AKA Indolence Is Sin: Part 1

Shin Shinka no Mi: Shiranai Uchi ni Kachigumi Jinsei (The Fruit of Evolution: Before I Knew It, My Life Had It Made 2nd Season) AKA My Kawaii Gorilla Wife: The Isekai

Tensei Oujo to Tensai Reijou no Mahou Kakumei (The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady) AKA Isekai Lesbian Princess and Her Harem

Wholesome and Adorable:

Itai no wa Iya nano de Bougyoryoku ni Kyokufuri Shitai to Omoimasu 2nd Season (I Don’t Want to Get Hurt, so I’ll Max Out My Defense 2nd Season) AKA VR Is Life

Sugar Apple Fairy Tale AKA A Girl and Her Hot Elf Tsundere AKA Medieval Fruits Baskets

Tomo-chan wa Onnanoko! (Tomo Chan is a Girl!) AKA My Dude, Just Make Your Fucking Move Already!!!

Tsundere Akuyaku Reijou Liselotte to Jikkyou no Endou-kun to Kaisetsu no (Endo and Kobayashi Live! The Latest on Tsundere Villainess Lieselotte) AKA My Dude, She’s Sitting Right Next To You, Make Your Fucking Move Already!!!

Edgelords Assemble!:

Hyouken no Majutsushi ga Sekai wo Suberu (The Iceblade Sorcerer Shall Rule the World) AKA Dorm Room Workout Bros: No Homo

Kage no Jitsuryokusha ni Naritakute! (The Eminence in Shadow) AKA Isekai Edgelord: Utlimate

Ningen Fushin no Boukensha-tachi ga Sekai wo Sukuu you desu (Adventurers Who Don’t Believe in Humanity Will Save The World) AKA The Emo Quartet and Their Talking Sword

Returning Champions:

Several second seasons, but nothing that qualifies as a “Returning Champion”. Picking Up Girls In Dungeons or Hero Academia might have been included, but for the fact I’ve lost interest in them and stopped watching.

Pour One Out For Interspecies Reviewers:

Oniichan wa Oshimai! (Onimai: I’m Now Your Sister!) AKA Eromanga Sensei 2nd Season - This was animated with so much love – of boobies!!! (hehehe) But seriously, mad love to all my eroanime senseis out there. Your commitment to never half-assing the job of making beautifully drawn sex farces is greatly appreciated. You are doing God’s work.

And one for my “Definitely Eventually Watch” list:

Lupin Zero AKA Lupin: Year One

[kitchentoolsguide]

Home Improvement Products

In today's fast-paced world, our homes are more than just a place to sleep; they're our sanctuaries, our offices, and our entertainment hubs. With the rapid advancement of technology, the home improvement market has exploded with innovative products designed to enhance our daily lives. Whether you're looking to create a more functional kitchen, a cozy living room, or a futuristic smart home, this comprehensive guide will introduce you to the latest and greatest home improvement products, including smart gadgets, lighting solutions, kitchen essentials, and stylish rugs.

Smart Home Gadgets for a Futuristic Living Space

Smart Home Assistants: Start your journey into the world of smart home gadgets with a voice-activated assistant like Amazon Echo or Google Home. These devices can control your lights, thermostats, and even answer questions.

Smart Lighting: Upgrade your lighting with smart bulbs and switches. Control the ambiance of your home with just a voice command or a tap on your smartphone. You can even schedule lights to turn on and off automatically, enhancing security and energy efficiency.

Smart Locks: Ditch the traditional keys and opt for smart locks. They offer keyless entry, remote access, and the ability to grant temporary access to guests.

Smart Thermostats: Save on energy bills with a smart thermostat like the Nest Learning Thermostat. It learns your preferences and adjusts the temperature accordingly, ensuring comfort and savings.

Lighting Solutions to Brighten Your Home

Ceiling Lamps for Living Room: A statement ceiling lamp can be the focal point of your living room. Whether you prefer a minimalist design or an artistic piece, there's a ceiling lamp to suit your style.

Bedroom Ceiling Lamp: Create a cozy and inviting atmosphere in your bedroom with the right ceiling lamp. Dimmable options allow you to set the perfect mood for relaxation.

USB Lamp: In the age of digital devices, having a USB lamp on your bedside table or desk is a game-changer. It keeps your gadgets charged and provides adjustable lighting.

Innovative Kitchen Gadgets for Culinary Enthusiasts

Best Kitchen Gadgets: Explore the best kitchen gadgets to make cooking a breeze. From high-quality knives to smart appliances, these tools can transform your culinary experience.

Cool Kitchen Gadgets: Add a touch of fun to your kitchen with cool gadgets like automatic pancake makers, ice cream machines, and multi-functional kitchen scales.

Unique Kitchen Gadgets: Impress your guests with unique kitchen gadgets like spiralizers for creating vegetable noodles or innovative coffee makers for that perfect brew.

Kitchen Essentials: Don't forget the basics! Invest in high-quality kitchen essentials such as cookware sets, utensils, and cutting boards to ensure your kitchen is fully equipped.

Elevate Your Home Decor with Stylish Rugs

Bedroom Rugs: Add warmth and style to your bedroom with a soft and luxurious rug. Choose from a variety of materials and patterns to match your decor.

Living Room Rugs: Make your living room more inviting with a statement rug. It can tie the entire room together and create a comfortable gathering space.

Rugs for Living Room: Selecting the right rug size and shape is crucial for achieving the desired look and functionality in your living room.

Essential Kitchen Tools for Every Home Chef

Kitchen Tools: To become a master chef in your own home, you'll need the right tools. Invest in quality knives, cutting boards, measuring cups, and more to elevate your culinary skills.

Kitchen Essentials: Stock your kitchen with essential items like pots, pans, and baking sheets. Look for non-stick and durable options for hassle-free cooking and baking.

In conclusion, transforming your home into a modern and efficient living space is easier than ever with the latest home improvement products and gadgets. From smart home assistants to stylish lighting solutions, innovative kitchen gadgets to cozy rugs, and essential kitchen tools, there are endless possibilities to elevate your home. Take the time to explore these options and turn your living space into the haven you've always dreamed of.

[mint-moon25]

FUTURE - YOUTUBE - CHANNEL - I'M - PERFECTING -

RELOCATION - SPECIALIST - BASED - ON - COMEDY -

1 MIN - ADULT MOMENT - DANIEL HENNEY - ACTOR -

2 - BAD - COULD HAVE - BEEN - FAMILY - COMEDY -

ROMANCE - 'SHANGHAI - CALLING' - CHINA - DVD -

(+$5) - NO - AUTO - REPEAT - BLOND - GIRL - LEAD -

OF - FILM - THAT - WE SHE - DOES - SHANGHAI CN -

HIRING MANY - RELOCATION - SPECIALISTS - NOT -

JUST - WHERE - 2 - EAT - BUT - WHERE - 2 - GO -

OTHERS - THINGS - 2 - DO - WHAT MAKES OUR -

CITIES - SPECIAL - FOUND BETTER - CHEAPER -

WATERPROOF - NON-SEE - THRU - BAGS ALSO -

20L - NOT - SAME - SIZE - 4 - ALL HERE LARGE -

20 INCH - LENGTH - WIDTH - BOTTOM - 10 INCH -

$17.99 - AND - RARE - CAN - CARRY - BY - HAND -

DIFFERENT - WAYS - 4 - SHOULDERS - 1 SIDE OR -

BOTH - SIDES - WATERPROOF - IMPORTANT -

NEED - 2 - SHARE - ALSO - 4 - COMPUTERS -

U - WANT - 2 - SLEEP - BUT - LIBRARY - AND -

PUBLIC - PARKS - SINCE - THEY'RE - NOT -

SLEEPING - AS - WORKERS - NEITHER YES -

CAN - U - SPANISH - SPEAKING COUNTRIES -

SIESTA - WHAT THEY - HAVE - IN COMMON -

THEY - SLEEP - AFTERNOON - MANY - HRS -

2 - WAKE - UP - LATE - DINNER - BEGINS -

6P - BUT - ALL - AWAKE - EVEN - AT - 2 A -

SPAIN - OTHER - THAN - HOTELS - EVEN -

GROCERY - CLOSED - AFTERNOONS YES -

DURING - SIESTA - HOW - INCONVENIENT -

4 FOREIGNERS - TERRI SAVELLE FOY -

'TAKES - 3 WEEKS - OR - 21 DAYS - TO -

ESTABLISH - ROUTINE' - 21 DAYS - TO -

BREAK - BAD - HABITS - CREATE NEW -

ONES - YOU'RE - SO - HUNGRY LUNCH -

TIME - BUT - ALL - SLEEPING - SO - U -

ORDERED - ROOM - SERVICE - VERY -

EXPENSIVE - THUS - EVENING - THE -

GROCERY - OPEN - AS - THEY - YES -

BOUGHT - 4 - THE - NEXT - DAY - AS -

THEY - SHOPPED - AT - MALL - YES -

NIGHT - TIME - HOW - UNUSUAL - 4 -

ALL - OF - US - THEN - IN - HOTEL U -

SLEPT - AFTERNOON - THEY - AS -

SPANISH - SLEEP - EVERYWHERE -

PARKS - ON - THEIR - PURSES AS -

SITTING IN - PARKS - THEY SLEPT -

SITTING - 4 - THE - WEATHER AND -

AIR CONDITIONING - MOST - EXPENSIVE -

REASON - 4 - ELECTRICITY - BILLS BEING -

HIGH - PARK - TIME - JUST - ELECTRIC -

FANS - IN - THEIR - HOUSES - WHEN SP -

SPANISH - GO - HOME - THEN - THE AC -

IS - TURNED - ON - WHY - IN - PARKS AS -

ELECTRICITY - BILLS - LOWER - PLUS -

LIKE - ME - I - USED - ELECTRIC FANS -

INSIDE - 2 - INCREASE TEMPERATURE -

COLD - ELECTRIC - FANS - LESS NEED -

4 - COOLER - TEMPERATURES - THUS I -

SAVED - ON - ELECTRIC - BILLS - ALSO -

GOING - 2 - SUBMIT - I'M - HOMELESS -

WITH - EBT - FOOD - STAMPS - LET's -

SEE - HOW - MUCH - I'M - GETTING -

THUS - PAPERLESS - BECAUSE I'M -

HOMELESS - INFO - BY - EMAIL XO -

WHICH - THEY'E - NOT - DONE - SO -

CALLED - NEAR - BRICKELL STATION -

OPEN - PHONE - BUSINESS - TOLL XO -

FREE - $17 - TOOK - 15 MAY - FINALLY -

NOT - 14TH - VIRTUAL - ASSISTANT -

FEMALE - MY ANSWERING - VOICE -

LOVE - HER - VOICE - SO - PRO YES -

WITH - MY - TOLLFREE - LOVING IT -

GOT - MY - REFUND - OF - WILDLIFE -

FOOD - $10.10 - WITH - TAX - ON THE -

AMAZON - GIFT CARD - NOT 2/3 HRS -

MAYBE - AFTER - 1 HR - I - DIDN'T -

BELIEVE - SOONER - SO - I'M YES -

ORDERING - MARUCHAN - BEEF -

NOODLES - VEGETABLES ALSO -

ADD - HOT - WATER - TOTAL -

12 - FOR - $4.62 - AND - EBT -

GETTING - 24 - HUB LOCKER -

LA FITNESS - 2ND - FLOOR 2 -

YESTERDAY - ATE - 6 CHOCOLATE -

DONUTS - PUBLIX - $3.99 - THAT's -

IT - RAN - OUT - OF - CRYSTAL - LT -

LIGHT - SWEET - TEA - BUT - GOT -

MY - VEGAN - HYDRATION STUFF -

THAT - WILL - B - MY - FOOD FOR -

TODAY - 4 - KICKED - OUT - OF -

GOV'T - CENTER - THEY - YES -

REMOVED - OUR - FOOD - SUPPLY -

BUT - THEY - PLANTED - SO - AS -

WE - FIRE - ALL - POLICE - FR 50 -

STATES - REMOVED - OF - HAND -

CUFFS - FIREARMS - WITH - YES -

SEVERENCE - PAY - CRIMINAL -

RECORD -

PLEASE - APPLY - 4 - ADDITIONAL -

MILITARY - FORCE - MILITARY YES -

WEAPONS - FULLY - AUTO - STRAP -

MACHINE - GUNS - LIGHTWEIGHT -

LESS - THAN - TIC TAC - SIZE YES -

BULLETS - HIGHER - WAGER PER -

HOUR - 30 MIN - LUNCH

5 CONSECUTIVE - DAYS

THEY - ALSO - MUST - OBEY - THE -

TRAFFIC - LAWS - REMOVING - AX -

FR - FIREMEN - ALSO - THEY WILL -

B - USING - AIR - NOT - WATER - 2 -

END - FIRE - LIKE - EUROPE - FOR -

IN - MY - COUNTRY - WE - USE AIR -

NOT - WATER - IN - RICH - AREAS -

LIKE - MAKATI - PHILIPPINES - PH -

SO - USING - INFLATABLE - NECK -

AND - STRAP - THIGHS - WHAT TO -

WEAR - 2 - SLEEP - SIDEWAYS - AT -

R SIDE - CAN - BREATHE - BETTER -

SIDE - SLEEPING - BRAIN - CAN -

FUNCTION - BETTER - WHILE U -

ARE - SLEEPING - VERY ACTIVE -

THEN - ONLY - SIDE - SLEEPERS -

INCREASE - BRAIN - HEALTH -

AND - BRAIN - CAN B ACTIVE -

DURING - SLEEPING - SWEET

DESKTOP - DOWNLOAD - FREE - LIGHTSHOT -

SCREEN - CAPTURE - THIGHS - STRAP - GET -

NECK - PILLOW - WHILE - SLEEPING - SITT'G -

DOWN - BOTH - END - PAIN - OF - LOWER -

BACK - SHOULDERS - HIPS - ALSO - WITH -

NO NECK - PILLOW - YOU'RE - ALWAYS -

HEAD - GOING - DOWN - THAT's - VERY -

DANGEROUS - NECK - PILLOW - STOPS -

THAT - ALSO - WHILE - WORKING - PC -

STOPS - SLEEPINESS - ALSO - SO YOU -

CAN - CONCENTRATE - BETTER - ADD -

SHEA MOISTURE - VOLUMIZING - YES -

MOUSE - MY - FAVORITE - SUPER HAI -

EXPENSIVE - RIGHT - NOW - SO - I'M -

TRYING - THIS - INSTEAD - LOVE - AS -

SHEA WHITNEY - KRISTEN McGOWAN -

WHEN - THEY - SHARE - AMAZON - US -

STUFF - NON-SPONSORED - HOW -

ABOUT - THIS - WHAT - THEY - DO -

RELOCATION - SPECIALTY

I'M - HIRING - BOTH - 2 YES - SHOP -

AMAZON - WHAT - I'M - LOOKING 4 -

PAYING - THEM - PER - HOUR - AND -

PAYING - 4 - THE - PRODUCTS

KRISTEN - AND - DIY MOMMY - OF -

CANADA - LOVE - IKEA - WILL PAY -

BOTH - ALSO - PER - HOUR - 2 BUY -

AT - IKEA - AND - PAY - THE - IKEA -

PRODUCTS - WITH - KRISTEN AND -

DIY - MEANING - MORE - PLACES 2 -

GO 2 - THEY - WILL - NEED -

STUDIOS - 2 - SHOWCASE WHAT -

THEY - BOUGHT - FR - CANADA's -

IKEA - SO - BUYING CASTLES - FR -

CANADA - FORGOT - WHERE -

KRISTEN McGOWAN - IS BUT -

LOOKS - LIKE - FOR -

GBC - TV STUDIOS -

AS - KRISTEN McGOWAN - DESIGNS -

A - BEDROOM - A - KITCHEN - WITH -

AMAZON - PRODUCTS - IKEA - YES -

PRODUCTS - WE - CAN - PROVIDE -

CREW - BUT - FOUND - OUT THAT -

KRISTEN - IS - CANADIAN - ALSO -

AMAZING - MOST - LIKELY LIVES -

IN - CANADA - BUT - SHE - DID -

MENTION - MANHATTAN - NY -

BUT MAYBE - LAKE HOUSE IN -

CANADA - SO - EITHER - NEW -

YORK - OR - CANADA - WILL -

STILL - WORK - SO - HOPE 2 -

MEET - HER - DIY MOMMY - PAY -

BOTH - PER - HOUR - AND 2 BUY -

DECORATE - PLACES - IN - MY -

CASTLES - FR - WHAT BOUGHT -

AT - AMAZON - AND - IKEA - SO -

THIS - CAN - B - AMAZING - AS -

BIBLE - 'MONEY ANSWERS ALL' -

RELOCATION - SPECIALTY

RELOCATION - SPECIALISTS

OUR - COUNTRIES OF BIRTH

WE'LL - GO - FROM - THERE

EARLY - THIS - MORNING - LIKE

5A - OR - 4:45A - 2 - ASK - ME IF

I - NEED - MONEY - I - SAID - ME

RECEIVES - SOCIAL - SECURITY

DISABILITY - I - HAVE - MONEY

BUT - RIGHT - NOW - I HAVEN'T

EATEN - THIS - DAY - MONDAY

YESTERDAY - SUNDAY - MOM'S - DAY -

4 - BEEF - EMPANADAS - BOUGHT - 4 -

ME - HISPANIC - MALE - GAVE ME - $5 -

4 - COFFEE - BOUGHT - 6 CHOCOLATE -

DONUTS - INSTEAD - WITH - PUBLIX -

$1 - TALL - NATURAL SPRING WATER -

TODAY - HAVEN'T - EATEN - THUS IT -

LOOKS - LIKE - JUST - HYDRATION -

POWDERS - BUT - INTERMITTENT -

FASTING - HAS - CHANGED - ME -

I'M - NO - LONGER - LONGING - 4 -

FOOD - NOT - NEEDY - I - WATCH -

RAINA - AND - ROCKSTAR EATER -

THEY'RE - MY - FOOD - I - USED 2 -

B - SO - HUNGRY - ALL THE TIME -

GAINED - WEIGHT - NO - THAT - I -

ATE - ONCE - 12P - 6P - DAILY IT -

HAS - CHANGED - ME - I'M - NO -

LONGER - DESPERATELY - HUNGRY -

ANYMORE - 3 WEEKS - AND - I'M XO -

VERY - SATISFIED - HAVEN'T EATEN -

SINCE - 6P EDT - YESTERDAY - I'M XO -

MORE - THAN - FINE - LOVE - LOVE -

INTERMITTENT FASTING - BRICKELL -

CITY - CENTRE - MALLS - IN FLORIDA -

LESS THAN - 1 HOUR - AND - ONLY -

ONCE - IN - MALLS - LAW - OF - FL -

STATES - BODY LOITERING - AS -

HOMELESS - ESPECIALY - BODY -

LOITERING - IN - PRIVATE - FLORIDA -

PROPERTIES - NON-OPEN - CARRY & -

27TH - US - STATE - TEXAS - 28TH - & -

OPEN - CARRY - 31ST - CALIFORNIA -

AS - NO - LONGER - SLAVES - STATE -

INDEPENDENT - DEMOCRATIC - PARTY

50 STATES

BY - INTERNET - BRINGING - YOU - THE -

BEST - OF - THE - BEST

VALENTINO

CHANNEL

LOUIS VUITTON

CHRISTIAN DIOR

MOST - EXCLUSIVE - MODELS

RUNWAYS - INTERVIEWS - AS

WE - ALSO - HAVE - AUTHENTIC

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DR JERRY SAVELLE

[artificialqueens]

End of the Day (Crystal x Gigi) - Ashley

A/N: The plan was simple. All Crystal had to do was pretend to be her twin for one week: sit silently in seminars, only leave her room for her basic necessities and stick closely to the set of rules she was left with. Only the rule that stated she “mustn’t bother the bitch from downstairs” became a lot harder for Crystal to follow once she had laid eyes on Gigi Goode.

Hope you guys like this!! Think of it as Breakfast at Tiffany’s meets She’s the Man only at a Russell Group where there’s a stereotype around every corner. Sending infinite thank you’s to Meggie for being a fab beta. p.s thanks so much for all the lovely feedback for Everything Has Changed (I could have cried reading some of it)…xoxo Ashley.

“No way.” Crystal dropped the pencil she toyed with, a laugh squeaking out of her throat at her sister’s audacity.

“It’s only a week,” she pleaded over the phone, the voice that had convinced Crystal to do stupid things since they were children making its reappearance.

“You seriously want me to pretend to be you just so you can jet off to Majorca to see that creep?” 

“Yes!” Elle ignored Crystal’s clear disdain. “That is exactly what I want. We used to do it all the time in school.”

“You’re crazy, actually insane.”

Crystal was used to her sister’s wild antics, but this plot may have been a step too far.

“But you love me.”

“I hate you.”

“It’s not like you have any plans.” Elle held no hesitation in poking the bear - the boundaries between the two twins almost non-existent.

“I have Depop orders actually,” Crystal snapped back, a tiny part of resentment that her sister was attending one of the best universities in the country whilst she was sitting at home making jewellery rising inside of her body but not quite breaking the surface.

“£200.”

Crystal stopped in her tracks - now she was listening.

“It won’t work anyway, people will notice!”

“They won’t. I don’t speak to anyone in my college anyway and my course friends won’t say anything, just stay in bed all day once you’ve been to my seminars. I’ll even give you my Disney+ password.”

A hint of worry rose in Crystal’s mind; she wondered how her more outgoing other half had managed to go to university and not make friends in her accommodation. Where Crystal was shy and nervous throughout the entirety of her education, Elle had never been afraid to put herself out there, always surrounded by one group of pretty girls or another. “So what am I supposed to do in these seminars then? It’s not like I have an extensive knowledge of anthropology is it?”

“All you have to do is sign in and sit there pretending to type - they don’t even pick on you I swear. And it’s the last week before we break up so everyone will be really chill.”

“£300,” Crystal responded, the idea of escaping the four walls of her bedroom whilst making three months of her usual income beginning to tempt her, cursing internally at how easily convinced she was.

“I can’t give you £300.” Crystal could hear that her sister was talking through a grin despite not being able to see her face, the grin that meant she’d won.

“Well, you can’t go to Majorca then.”

“Three hundred pounds it is,” Elle agreed. “But you better get me a decent Christmas present.”

“Deal,” Crystal responded, knowing she had already purchased her sister’s gift two months prior. “Now, tell me absolutely everything I need to know about collegiate life.”

“It’s a good job. I knew you’d say yes and already planned this part out.” Elle beamed, proud at her ability to convince her timid younger-by-ten-minutes sister to do almost anything.

***

If secondary school was supposed to be a jungle of cliques, then Elle’s college may as well have been the Amazon rainforest.

Walking through the incredibly hard to find dining hall for breakfast, Crystal could make out almost every university stereotype she could think of, each confined to their own special hold.

From the druggies to the athletes, to the Oxbridge rejects, to the girls who borrowed daddy’s credit card - they were all there and thriving. A small part of Crystal wanted to go and sit with who she decided were the artsy girls despite knowing her sister wouldn’t be caught dead doing so.

Trying not to draw attention to herself, she kept her head down as she made it to the front of the queue, Elle’s clear step-by-step of how she approached meals playing through her head on repeat, the weeks of planning for this moment all coming into play.

Only at that moment, she panicked, the child’s paint by numbers that were her instructions started to turn into a set of IKEA diagrams without captions in her brain. Wishing she’d stuck to eating a pot noodle in her sister’s room, Crystal’s body froze in a state of fear after dolloping a ladle of baked beans onto her toast. A tonne (or maybe ten tonnes) of bricks smacked her right between the eyes. She knew she wouldn’t be able to pull this off. The lack of self-confidence she always battled with ran thick through her veins, her thoughts turning to ways she could go home and return to the comfort of her hometown, willing to sacrifice her sister’s already flagged attendance and the three hundred pounds to be watching Bake Off with her mam in the kitchen.

It almost happened in slow motion, time losing its speed as the boy behind her walked into Crystal’s back, propelling her tray forward onto an unsuspecting blonde. An unsuspecting blonde who seemed the opposite of dumb.

“What the fuck?” She snapped her head around to Crystal, thick brows furrowed and pink lips pursed.

“I’m sorr-” Crystal started, beating herself up internally at how she had managed to do the exact opposite of laying low despite being only one night into her weeklong mission.

“This won’t come out!” The girl started turning her neck frantically to the back of her shirt, the white satin stained bright orange.

Her mouth opening but no words coming out, Crystal didn’t have a chance to apologise again before the girl had a swarm of minions dabbing her back with tissues.

“It’ll be okay, G.” One of them took her hand.  Crystal wanted to burst out in tears like she usually did at the smallest sign of conflict, pinching the skin on the back of her hand and looking at the white ceiling lights to stop herself.

“So long as people look where they’re going.” The girl, G, cast a terrifying yet beautiful scowl in Crystal’s direction before sauntering away.

So much for laying low, she sighed before leaving the queue herself, her body tingling as if she’d hit her funny bone over a dozen times. The girl’s stare still imprinted in the back of her eyes.

Having narrowly avoided a panic attack, Crystal thought hard about her old coping mechanisms and tried her best to remain positive as she did after these situations, sitting down at an empty table and giving herself a pat on the back that she had at least passed as Elle without any doubts, ready to take the rest of her day by storm (also known as sitting in silence and occasionally nodding her head as a bunch of middle ages men discuss human evolution and diversity).

***

Having achieved three B grades by the end of sixth form and the award for ‘most creative’ in their final assembly, Crystal always thought of herself as somewhat intelligent and capable of living in the real world despite her decision not to go to university like her sister.

Yet there she stood, her face in a scowl and her fist in a ball, completely and utterly perplexed by the laundry system.

After sleeping in her sister’s dirty sheets the night before, she had arrived back to the college with hopes of resting her head on a pillow that wasn’t mascara stained and washing her face with a flannel sans toothpaste blobs (which was basic hygiene in Crystal’s opinion, but she hadn’t expected anything more from her twin). Only those dreams were temporarily dashed as she spent an entire thirty minutes pressing buttons and swiping the card Elle had left her manically against an aged machine. 

Thirty-six internet searches and two desperate phone calls to her sister later, Crystal was beaming at the sheets swirling around, not a care in the world at how much of a psychopath she would look to anyone entering the room, the stress she had previously faced in getting the machine to work inducing her to stay and wait for the clothes to wash instead of leaving them like normal practice. 

Elle had seemed happy on the phone, gushing to Crystal about how tanned she’d gotten in such a short space of time and how delicious all the food was - Crystal shutting her down quickly by reminding her that such a tan would only alert their mother to the fact she’d spent a week abroad visiting the sleazy holiday rep she’d fallen in love with that summer rather than in the brown-bricked, straight from a horror movie, sixties’ style complex that Crystal was currently residing in.

Crystal made a mental note to text her mam later and tell her how much she was enjoying her time “visiting her sister” - knowing fine well that talking to her on the phone would probably cause her to crumble and confess their scheme.

She had always been a family orientated person, always choosing a night in the house watching movies over playing out with friends, crying buckets the day her sister moved out and started a new chapter of her life without her. It was clear her mother wanted her to get out into the world, knowing she was capable of more than selling jewellery online, but unlike her sister, Crystal wasn’t quite ready to leave her home yet, needing that extra push to get her feet moving that just hadn’t come her way yet.

She figured that spending a week pretending to be her sister may actually be a good start.

Lost away with her head in the clouds like usual, Crystal was snapped back to surface level as her phone chimed to signal the end of the cycle, only to find herself even more frustrated when she realised that no dryers were free.

Today really hadn’t been her day. 

She personally blamed the lack of lucky necklace around her neck (Elle telling her specifically during their planning stages that she would never wear such a monstrosity and Crystal following suit despite knowing it was only entrenched in their rules because her sister thought it was ugly). Her secret superstitious side kicking in, she thanked herself for bringing some of her jewellery making gadgets with her, figuring she’d have to make her own version of it, for now, it wasn’t as if she had any better way to spend her evening.

Seeing a dryer with two minutes left until it timed out, Crystal figured she’d simply wait until it had been emptied to use it, allowing her brain to return back to Pinterest for a short period of time.

But ten minutes passed and no one came to empty the machine.

She glanced at the other piles of clothes that lay on top of the machines, figuring it was normal to remove other people’s when none were free, the thought of her sheets staying wet and crinkled making her feel uneasy.

Opening the dryer, she was hit immediately by a waft of lavender, reassuring herself that it was okay to move the clothes and feeling almost proud of herself for making a leap the old Crystal would have ran from in fear of awkwardness. 

Being her most careful, she picked the clothes one by one and started to fold them, her brain subconsciously admiring the mystery tartan-wearer’s sense of fashion and wishing she had the confidence to wear some of the outfits. That was when her hands met a satin blouse, a familiar satin blouse with an orange tinge on its white back.

Before she had time to process that the clothes she was moving belonged to the pretty girl from breakfast, Crystal’s train of thought was interrupted by the devil herself.

“Admiring your handiwork?” She strutted over and snatched the shirt back from Crystal’s hands.

Crystal couldn’t quite place her accent but she knew it was Southern. Her overactive imagination hearing the girl whisper dirty thoughts to her in that posh voice without being able to stop herself.

Oh, fuck.

“I’m sorry.” Crystal turned to her, not even attempting to act like anything other than the soft wimp she was inside. “I didn’t mean to.”

Crystal looked into the girl’s eyes, almost seeing her melt a little before her.

She felt the tension between them, dense and heavy in the air.

“It’s fine,” the blonde responded, losing the passive-aggressive tone she’d carried beforehand but still not sounding entirely sincere as she began to throw her clothes into her hamper. 

Crystal couldn’t help but gawk a little as she began to strut away, her body swishing like a model’s as she made her way out of the room, pausing for a second at the door.

“Can you do me a favour, though?” the girl called back to Crystal.

‘I think I’d give both of my kidneys to you’ Crystal thought. Only it instead came out as an awkwardly stuttered, “Erm, sure.”

“Turn your music down, please.” She shot a sarcastic smile in Crystal’s direction. Crystal felt it burrow straight through her chest cavity and into her fast-beating heart. “I know that anthropology may be a bit simpler than most degrees, but some of us really struggle to work when all they can hear is your shit music directly above them.”

Her mouth dropping open to catch flies as the girl left the room for good, a pang of realisation hit Crystal.

Opening her phone and flicking through the dramatic guide to her sister’s university life that was now saved at the top of her notes, she found what she’d been looking for:

“12. DO NOT, under any circumstances, bother the bitch downstairs.”

Too late, Crystal thought to herself, wondering how many more of her sister’s rules she would have broken by the end of the week.

***

Crystal would be lying if she said she hadn’t been watching out for the blonde that week, whose name she had figured out (after an intensive Facebook stalking session) to be Gigi. 

Yes, she was lying low, not leaving Elle’s room other than for seminars and to eat - but that didn’t stop her from taking stolen glances at the girl across the dining hall or walking up that second flight of stairs to the room just a fraction slower than she did the first flight.

Three days at university and she’d somehow turned back into a fourteen-year-old girl fantasising about the most popular girl in the class.

Except this time, the popular girl didn’t even know her real name.

She felt like Tracy from Hairspray - one look and she could hear the wedding bells playing in the back of her head. 

But at the same time, Crystal knew what was at stake - leaving their interactions to intense eye contact and mumbled “excuse mes,” knowing that even speaking to Gigi again could blow her entire cover.

Yet, she somehow managed to do exactly that on Wednesday night. Or, technically, the early hours of Thursday morning.

At first, Crystal tried to ignore the argument below her, drowning out their voices with her headphones (partly because she felt like she was intruding and partly because listening to people screaming at each other, like a lot of things, made her cry). However, as the war below was still awaiting a cease-fire, snippets of conversation slid their way into the room.

“Why do you have to do this on every night out?”

“I just want what’s best for you.”

“You don’t know what’s best for me.”

She could hear the pain in Gigi’s voice heighten right before her door slammed, Crystal wincing in bed at the sound.

Expecting to hear male footsteps stomp away, Crystal was surprised to instead hear lighter ones, making their way up the stairs and past her landing, a muffled sob travelling through her door.

Looking out of the window, she squinted in the dark until she saw the red glow of a cigarette from their fire escape, the hum of an unfamiliar tune making its way through the thin walls.

She knew it was a risk, but it was one that Crystal couldn’t help but take when she thought of the beautiful girl from the laundry room freezing in the cold.

Grabbing her sister’s spare dressing gown, she made her way onto the landing, taking a deep breath before going out onto the fire escape.

Logic and speech pushed to the back part of her mind, Crystal simply made her way over to the other girl and sat down beside her, placing the dressing gown over her slim shoulders.

Even in the dark, she could see how perfect Gigi was.

The mole on the side of her cheek.

The soft pout on her lips.

Despite the mascara smudged down her face and her eyes stinging red, Crystal thought she looked like an angel.

“Hi,” Gigi spoke to her, dropping the cigarette she smoked on the floor and pressing it out with her trainers. 

“Hi,” Crystal spoke back, unsure of what to say to the girl, blood rushing through her at a rate of knots, nervous filling her body and bursting through her head like she was some sort of human kettle.

“I guess you know what I mean about the music now.”

“Yeah.” Crystal nodded in the dark. “It’s noted.”

“I’m sorry about Karl…” Gigi trailed off, taking some time before speaking again. “He just gets like that sometimes when he’s had a drink. I know he doesn’t mean it. I guess you know that.”

Unsure of who Karl was, or why she was supposed to know that, Crystal began to feel like she was drowning. Only instead of jumping on the next lifeboat, she swam down deeper for Gigi.

A part of her was afraid, afraid she’d read the aura surrounding the other girl so wrong, afraid that Karl was her boyfriend.

“Mmhmm,” Crystal responded, maybe a bit more high pitched than she naturally would have.

“Don’t get me wrong, he’s my best friend. But sometimes a part of me thinks that he just doesn’t have any idea who I really am if you get me.” 

Crystal couldn’t have understood any better at that moment.

All she wanted to do was tell her. To tell her how hard it was when everyone expected you to be the same as another person. How awful it felt when they never knew the real you, only a shell of the more outgoing sister.

Only she couldn’t, so she did the next best thing and placed her hand on the girl’s forearm, instantly getting a shock at how cold she felt.

“Do you wanna go inside? We can make hot chocolate,” she suggested, noting how Gigi’s body relaxed under her touch.

“He’s still in my room.” Gigi rolled her eyes. “I just can’t deal with him right now, it needs to be left for the morning.”

“You can stay in mine,” Crystal asked, squeezing her grip ever so slightly.

What was she doing?

This wasn’t part of the plan.

And it was certainly breaking some of the rules.

Potentially all of them combined.

This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.

But nothing filled her with greater relief then when Gigi finally responded: “If you don’t mind, thank you.”

***

At first, she felt awkward as she let Gigi into the room, especially considering the fact it wasn’t hers. But after two hot chocolates each she had felt the most comfortable and at peace as she had since masquerading as her sister.

She watched as Gigi’s eyes made their way around the room, a kid in a sweetie shop, gawking at the treasures around her.

“What’s that?” she spoke between sips, pointing towards Crystal’s craft box that had been haphazardly set up on her sister’s desk.

“Oh.” Crystal went to pick it up, a flutter of warmth rushing through her at the thought of someone, let alone Gigi, being interested in her jewellery. “Just some bits and bobs I make.”

“These are so cool.” Gigi held a pair of scarlet earrings up and examined them closer, her mouth opening slightly as she focused. “Like the ones you had in the other day.”

Crystal’s face turned a deeper red than the earrings, the thought of Gigi remembering what she wore sending shivers down her spine - her head telling her heart on an auto loop that no matter what she thought about Gigi, all of Gigi’s returned thoughts were instead about Elle.

“Yeah,” she choked out, nipping her skin to bring herself back to reality.

“You should sell these!” Gigi gasped as she rooted through more of Crystal’s collection. “I sell the clothes I make on Depop, we’d make a great team.”

Crystal didn’t get a chance to respond. She was too busy picking the pieces of her exploding heart from the carpet and trying to put it back together again.

“In fact.” Gigi grabbed her phone and began to search.

Crystal decided that her thinking face was even cuter than her regular face.

She was in deep. Too deep.

 “I think I follow an account that does stuff like this, let me think, something to do with crystals…”

Way, way too deep.

“I’m feeling a bit tired.” Crystal blurted awkwardly, getting mad at her mother for never placing her in acting lessons as a child, ready for the inevitable week that she’d have to pretend to be her twin sister or else she’d be kicked out of university and murdered by their family. Seeing the almost defeated look on Gigi’s face, she tried again. “But you can show me in the morning?”

“I’d love that.” Gigi smiled.

Crystal wanted to rewind time just to hear that sentence again. She wouldn’t be too greedy, she’d only listen to it one more time. Two at a push.

Making sure to go into the en suite as Gigi got changed, Crystal returned to find her in bed, already asleep, her hair a sprawl of honey against the pink pillows.

She waited a second before turning off the light and getting into bed beside her, something about lying next Gigi sending Crystal into a sleepy haze despite the way her heart had been beating so fast just moments before.

She could hear Gigi breathing, snoring just a little, finding her own breathing starting to sync along.

Sleep was only minutes away from taking over her body when she heard it, the muffled cry coming from the other side of the bed.

“No.” She heard Gigi mumble as she tossed from one side to the other. “Don’t go.”

Crystal placed a reassuring hand on her arm without thought. “Are you alright?”

Gigi woke startled, her eyes beaming at Crystal like a young deer caught in the middle of the road.

“I’m fine.” She realised her surroundings and threw the quilt to one side, moving her body down to the bottom end of the bed. “I best be off.”

“Hey.” Crystal sat up, flicking the lamp on by her bedside. “It’s alright, we can-”

But before she could finish, Gigi was gone. Nothing more than the faint smell of lavender on the pillows and the dark ring of hot chocolate in the bottom of her sister’s mug.

***

Making her way back into the college that evening, Crystal waited by the entrance for a few moments, wondering if she could manage to get to Elle’s room without passing the drinks and shenanigans that were currently taking place in front of her, wondering if she could manage to make it without passing Gigi, more precisely.

Tesco carrier bags full to the brim of every comfort food she could gorge on (salami, cheese, salt and vinegar crisps and three different bars of dairy milk to be precise) as she watched her sister’s Disney+ alone, Crystal concluded that the coast was clear and made her way to the bottom of her stairs without passing Gigi.

The words of the note she had posted under Elle’s door the day beforehand were still dancing around Crystal’s mind like a puzzle that even Professor Layton couldn’t solve:

“Elle, please forgive me for this morning. I don’t know what happens when I get like that..we’re all having drinks at around 8 tomorrow if you wanna join? - Gigi.”

As much as she longed to join Gigi for a drink, Crystal knew that she couldn’t. She’d already put too much on the line, allowed herself to get too close, too emotionally invested. A short text from Elle asking if everything was okay scared her straight, there was too much at stake. Yes, she wanted more than anything to be the one who comforted Gigi the next time she had a nightmare, to make jewellery for her and kiss her forehead whenever she looked stressed. But family meant everything to her, and she knew if anyone were to find out what they’d done, the consequences wouldn’t be worth it. 

About to make her way up the stairs, Crystal felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Let me help with those,” the boy motioned to her bags, his voice familiar.

With dark hair slicked back, and skin the colour of caramel, it took Crystal a second to realise where she knew the boy from, remembering his face next to Gigi’s in their corner of the dining hall.

“I’m fine, they’re not heavy.” Crystal tried to walk away but was stopped by his voice, yet again.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come help? It’s been a little while, Elle.” He grinned, a smirk in his eyes that Crystal couldn’t quite trace.

“I’m sorry, I’ll have to catch up with you later,” Crystal responded, trying to remain calm on the outside as her insides reached peak panic mode, her brain mentally scanning her notes for anything mentioning this boy. Her search found no results.

“Oh I get it,” he laughed. “It’s one of your games.  Sure, you wanna catch up later.”

That’s when the realisation hit Crystal. Her sister was having sex with this boy. And she completely failed to mention it.

Trying to think of something to say, a heavy silence lingered between them. Broken by a familiar tone that managed to scare her half to death and turn her on at the same time.

“Karl.” Gigi shook her head as she made her way down the staircase, carrying what looked like a sippy cup of vodka red bull in her hands. “Do you mind not trying to shag every girl in college for five seconds?”

“I’ll see you later, Elle.” He muttered before strutting away with Gigi, Crystal making out the word ‘cockblock’ in their hushed conversation as they left.

She knew that Elle didn’t tell her everything.

Just because they were twins they didn’t have to know every detail of each other’s lives, even though they spoke every day. Crystal always knew that. But a part of her heart stung at the thought of her sister not even telling her about a boy she was sleeping with. Is that how far apart they’d grown since Elle came to uni? 

Fighting back tears, she made her way up the stairs and tried to call her sister. She knew she was being silly; a part of her had just thought she’d know when her sister was sleeping with someone. So many questions ran through her mind. Was Elle safe? Did she love him? Why didn’t anyone know? 

She tried to call again, no answer.

Gigi must have known, Crystal figured - slotting together their interaction the night before with the one they’d just had. Is that why Elle didn’t like her? Why they weren’t friends? Why she’d told Crystal to avoid her?

She answered on the fifth call.

“Hey, babe, I really can’t talk right now.” 

Crystal ignored her sister’s words, dropping her shopping outside the door and moving out onto the fire escape, the cold breeze hitting her face harshly.

“Who’s Karl?” 

“Oh.” She heard her other half’s surprise, she could see the look on her face, high definition in Crystal’s mind. “I told you not to speak to people, for fuck sake, Crystal.”

“Who’s Karl?”

“I can’t speak about this now.” Her tone lowered, clearly someone else was in her company.

“Who’s Karl?” Crystal asked again, not even stopping to think about how dramatic she was being.

Only her sister had hung up before she could get an answer.

Crystal didn’t know how long she’d been out there when she heard the door open, she didn’t even know if she was still crying or not.

“Hi,” Gigi spoke, almost a whisper, as she approached her. “We gotta stop meeting like this, hey?”

Crystal watched Gigi’s face drop a little at the sight of her, looking hurt the second she got close enough to see her tears.

“Yeah, I-” Crystal started but was swiftly interrupted.

Normally in films, it happened after a moment. 

The pair would talk, get deep about their issues, reach a comforting solution then sit for a moment in an all-knowing silence.

Then they’d look into each other’s eyes, letting them flicker down once or twice before meeting again, that lock not leaving until they were shut.

Next came the strand of hair, pushed away and tucked neatly behind the ear.

Finally, the kiss, slow at first then growing in passion.

Only Gigi had no patience.

It took Crystal a second to react, to realise what was happening, to press her lips back against Gigi’s, to race her hand through the other girl’s hair.

It was unexpected.

Yet it felt nothing but natural.

And right.

“I’m sorry.” Gigi pulled away, pausing to bite her tongue between her teeth, a nervous side of her appearing that Crystal had not yet seen. “I know that’s like the last thing you’re meant to do when someone’s upset but, I don’t know, you just looked so sad and-”

This time Crystal wasn’t going to let her finish.

She felt Gigi’s hands wipe the stray tears from her face before moving right down her body to her waist. Moving her body closer so she was almost straddling the other girl, Gigi pulled away for just a second to let out a breath. 

Crystal moved her hands round to Gigi’s back, further and further down until she was granted a nod of permission, letting them slide over the silky fabric of her skirt.

Before Crystal knew it she was being pushed back to the ground, Gigi’s long and beautiful body towering over her, as she got to her knees and began to kiss Crystal all over.

Gently, methodically, slowly. 

Crystal’s mind was carried away, far from reality and refusing to take away from the moment in front of her.

“I knew you wanted me.” She felt Gigi’s breath tickle her ear, sending hot flushes down her entire body, reaching her hands out to touch the other girl’s breasts.

“Fuck, Elle.” Gigi grinned, flicking a switch in Crystal’s body as she pushed herself backwards away from her touch.

She’d almost forgotten that part.

Looking at the other girl’s confused face, she was lost for words, pulling the strap of her vest top back in its place. She knew she couldn’t do it anymore, she couldn’t keep lying. She would have let Gigi sleep with her thinking that she was someone else. She’d become a monster. She had to tell the truth.

“What the fuck?” A voice came from the door behind them, Karl’s confused face flicking between the pair of them. “Is this a joke?”

“Shit,” Gigi muttered and stood up, but Crystal was frozen in place, her hands and feet turning numb with anxiety, the sky around them warping in time. “I can explain.”

Crystal watched as Gigi chased her friend back into the building, listening to her tell him she was sorry and she just got carried away. Listening to Karl ask if that was why she’d told him to stop sleeping with her. Listening to Gigi explain that it wasn’t it, that something had just changed recently. Listening to her life crumble around her.

And then she heard nothing at all.

Even when she knocked on Gigi’s door later that night, ready to give her the explanation she needed, Crystal heard nothing at all - eventually giving in and retreating to the cave of Elle’s room, with no plans to leave it until their train pulled in at the station. 

***

Looking up at the hideous brown bricks in front of her, Elle Barge never thought she’d be so relieved to see the college in her life.

One day earlier than she was supposed to return, she hoped that Crystal would forgive her for withholding some of the stuff she’d been doing at university, thinking that they could have one fun night together before getting the train home the next day, giving at least a hint of truth to their family when they arrived back.

Besides, her holiday romance meet-up hadn’t exactly gone the way she had planned when she accidentally met up with his wife. Hence her early departure.

She figured she’d just have to chalk this one up to being a good story to tell, throwing away her sadness at the thought of having a best-selling novel about her awful love life someday. 

Heck, she’d probably already have half of it written with just stories about Karl.

Walking up the stairs to her room, she rolled her eyes at the sight in front of her.

One thing she certainly had not missed was Gigi Goode braying on her door to tell her to turn her music down.

Surely, Crystal wasn’t irritating her, Elle thought to herself. The only music Crystal ever played was One Direction and she hardly blasted it.

“Ahem.” Elle coughed loudly enough for Crystal to hear from inside the room, praying she’d understand with her magic twin sense not to come out (also quickly texting her not to incase the magic twin sense failed them. Elle did not want a repeat of that time in year nine when Jackie Cox asked if they could read each other’s minds).

“Hey.” Gigi turned to face her, a strange look on her face that Elle couldn’t quite decode. Tension started to seep through the stained carpet and up the walls like lava.

“Hi?” Elle raised an eyebrow to her, more of a question than a greeting. 

“I’m sorry for ignoring you before,” Gigi started, nodding her head as she got into the rhythm of her speech. “I was just scared and I didn’t know how to say it but I can now. Please just listen and wait ‘til I’m done, I have to explain.”

Minefields began exploding inside Elle’s brain.

She simply nodded.

“I’ve been fucked over in the past. And it still scares me today. You know the other night? That was it, I haven’t felt myself get close to anyone in a while. And I know it’s bad because of Karl and I’m a shitty friend to him but honestly, I think that this is something bigger than that, cause I’ve not felt it for a while. And I think you feel it too. Look, I’m really shit at this but something changed this week, I saw you in this light I’d never caught you in. I might sound mad but I think that I need you.”

Looking back at the girl in front of her with dismay, Elle spoke back the only three words that rang through her brain at that moment.

“What the fuck.”

And then her door opened, her sister’s face peeking out around the corner, clad in the same expression she used to have whenever she’d spilt juice on the carpet or smashed plate. Her hair matted and eyes puffy, Elle immediately moved to her side.

And then Gigi uttered the three words as well - only adding a “fucking” in there too for good measure.

Killing the silence that lingered for some time, Crystal spoke the fastest sentence Elle had ever heard all in one breath: “I’ve been pretending to be my sister so she could go get fucked by a Spanish guy.”

“Wow.” Elle looked back and forth between the pair, recognising a glint in her sister’s eyes that was certainly not there before.

Crystal prepared herself and walked up to Gigi, placing her hand on her arm. “I wanted to tell you so bad. I was going to but then Karl came and everything got messy. I know you probably can’t forgive me, but I saw that bigger thing too and I let myself get carried away in it.”

Gigi looked between the pair and raised a hand to her mouth, letting out a hearty laugh. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Elle pleaded, fear rising inside her.

Silence filled the landing again, the twins standing sheepishly as they gave time for Gigi to process.

“If I’m honest I think I’m less confused now.” Gigi turned to face Crystal and grinned, showing an emotion Elle didn’t think the Barbie doll was even capable of showing. “This makes a lot more sense.”

Elle watched as her sister grinned back, seeing the genuine happiness on her face and throwing away all thoughts about whether or not she’d get in trouble.

“I think I might just be able to forgive you.” Gigi looked her up and down, pouting her lips in a joking manner. “If you let me take you out so we can talk this through over dinner?”

“Yes,” Crystal responded without hesitation.

“But first, could you tell me your name?”

“Crystal.” Elle watched as her sister reached out and shook the other girl’s hand, proud of the growth in confidence she could see - happy to see the return of the happy-go-lucky Crystal who wasn’t too scared to try anything new that she knew as a child.

“Crystal,” Gigi repeated, smiling to herself. “So Crystal, do you go to uni or just hang around at other people’s?”

“Maybe next year.” Crystal smiled back a sense of optimism in her voice. “Are we going for this dinner or what?”

Although it took her a minute to take in what she’d seen, a strange feeling inside of her as she waved her sister goodbye for a date with her bitchy downstairs neighbour, Elle couldn’t help but think that her disaster vacation had all happened for a good reason. In fact, she found herself almost shedding a tear as she heard her sister laughing at something Gigi said on their way downstairs, figuring that she might just see more of her sister than usual next term (and being nothing but happy about it).

[jungshookz]

i was thinking abt my personal finances this morning and i was like hehe what if every time android!y/n gets a receipt she hands it off to yoongi who slurps it up like a noodle and updates his internal spreadsheet and is like “y/n you’ve spent nearly 37% on this months budget on scented candles don’t u think it’s time to chill”

yoongi actually has a banking application as part of his many maNy talents which y/n has been trying to convince namjoon to uninstall because she feels like the things that one chooses to purchase should be personal!!!! so WHAT if she likes to spend her money on scented candles!!!! she can’t even sneakily buy things for herself because once she hits that ‘purchase’ button yoongi immediately gets notified

like he’ll stop reading all of a sudden and look over at her and he’ll go: “…what did you just buy from amazon” (because while he can see the website she purchases her things off of he can’t see what she’s bought specifically) and she’ll mutter something under her breath (which of course he still hears because hello supersonic hearing) and then he’ll let out a breath before making a ‘hm’ noise that’s supposed to say ‘i know it’s your money and all but whY would you buy that’ 

and you know what!!! y/n is siCK of his attitude!!! sure she loves yoongi and all but she hates the eye rolls and the judgemental twist of his lips and the offhand comments that are supposed to be ‘’teasing’’ but come out as just ruDE so when she makes her next purchase she makes sure to SLAM that purchase button and- 

“Oh my- seriously?” yoongi stops slicing the vegetables for dinner to turn and glance at you sitting at the kitchen island “You just bought something yesterday. What did you buy now??” he scoffs before returning his attention to the veggies 

“well, if you must know, my sweet yoongi-” you pause and lean back against your chair “i just bought amazon’s best-selling vibrator.” 

yoongi freezes

you bought amazon’s what 

“yeah! i just watched a buzzfeed video on it and it seems like it’s worth the money, so why not?” 

“I… well, it’s your money, so.” he clears his throat before swallowing thickly

why did you buy a vibrator????? HE is literally a vibrator!!!!! 

oh god

is he not good at his job anymore

maybe he should call namjoon and talk to him about some upgrades

no but that would be slightly embarrassing he can’t do that 

“’died, resurrected, died again. i was walking side to side after i finished using this thing, you’ll feel like you just had your best dick appointment ever.’” you giggle to yourself as you read the 5 star reviews out loud “’y’all i have never squirted in my life but this rigHT HERE!! if your man ain’t doing you like this toy then rePLACE HIM-’” 

yoongi stops listening at this point because now he’s just getting tOO into his head about this 

…are you planning to replace him with an inferior little bright PINK machine

he takes a second to rifle through all the recorded videos he has of you

and you seEm to be enjoying yourself in every single video so he doesn’t know what he-

oh you certainly liked when he did that

and that  

and that’s the time he nearly broke the headboard from gripping it too hard

but in all the files not once has he made you squirt 

what even is squirting???? 

it sounds so.,,. aggressive 

Squirting [skwurt-ing]: Squirting is a slang term for female ejaculation. In pornography, it usually features a voluminous-

okay that’s enough of that 

“it’s a good thing i have amazon prime. i’m actually pretty excited no-” 

“Alright, come on.” yoongi drops the knife on the chopping board before practically ripping his apron off “Let’s go.” 

“what are you talking abo-” you barely get a chance to respond before yoongi’s grabbing you and tossing you over his shoulder like a rag doll “yoONGI-” 

“Stupid little pink vibrator trying to steal my job-” yoongi mutters under his breath as he storms down the hallway 

well

you certainly weren’t expecting him to respond like this but you can work with it 

[aiweirdness]

My TED talk on AI

Remember a few months ago when I spoke at the 2019 TED conference in April (and kinda used a classic machine learning reward function hack on Simone Giertz’s robot workshop)? Well the video is UP! Watch it, share it with your friends, train an AI to predict the next frame, throw a plush giraffe at it, use another AI to replace me with a giraffe—or All Of The Above??

Of course I decided to find out how a neural net would finish my TED talk. I prompted GPT-2 with the beginning of my talk (in bold) via talktotransformer.com and, um, here’s how it predicted how it would end. Thanks, neural net. I hate it.

AI is disrupting all kinds of industries.

What about... ice cream?

What kind of mindblowing new ice cream flavors could we develop using the power of AI?

How about the flavor of "Noodle".

This might seem like the worst of the worst, but the reality is that when you think about it, there's a lot more in the world of food than just the ice cream and food processor category.

For instance, we could create new and exciting ways to eat protein foods, we could create delicious protein foods that you can't buy anywhere else, and food companies could sell protein foods. These are just a few ways we'll be able to use AI to create novel and exciting new products and also offer a bigger variety of ingredients!

In addition to protein, we could explore creating flavor combinations for new foods and desserts, something called "soups", "baked goods", "pasta," and "snack food" - all of these new product categories are ripe for the picking!

And then there's the food processor business itself.

What if you could mix different types of foods together, from proteins and fats to spices and beverages? Imagine a kitchen that's better than any kitchen you've ever seen, where you can make almost any kind of food at home, and all to your own specifications.

We're not there yet - we're just at the beginning of exploring how we can apply AI in such a wide-scale way - but this is just what we've got going for us. As we continue working this out, we'll be sure to share the next great advances.

Thank you.

Anyways, I hope you like my actual talk, even if it never addresses the wonders of something called “soups”. A bunch of the drawings I used for the talk appear in various places in my book! Did I mention I have a book coming out on November 5th? I have been working on it for two years and I’m kinda totally incandescently excited about it!

More on the book, including rejected titles!

Fake news about the book!

What neural nets are saying about the book!

Events!

If you live in Denver, or Seattle, I’m coming to your city for a book event!

Denver - Wed, Nov 6 - Tattered Cover Colfax - Book launch, followed by traditional Irish music at the Irish Snug

Seattle - Tues, Nov 12 - Elliot Bay Book Company - Reading & signing! My first time in Seattle!

Subscribers get bonus content: I generated a few more ways that GPT-2 thought my TED talk could end.

Here are some links for ordering my book You Look Like a Thing and I Love You! It’s out November 5 2019. Preordering now is one of the best ways to help my book do well - it’s like a super duper order. Plus, US orders can get greeting cards and stickers as a perk!

Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s

[academicgangster]

.

[razieltwelve]

Necessity (Legend of Korra AU Snippet)

Korra glared at Azula with all the power she could muster. It had absolutely no effect.

“How pathetic,” Azula drawled. “Even your predecessor could glare better than you and he was a vegetarian who tried his hardest to be a pacifist until reality convinced him that sometimes you have to break a few eggs if you want to make a decent omelette.”

“You’re a terrible person, you know that right?” Korra grumbled. The teenager was half-buried under a pile of books and pieces of paper. “I’m the Avatar. I can understand the torture you call training, but do I really need to know how modern banking, taxation, and economics work?”

Azula poked Korra in the side with the cane she used whenever she had to fake being a helpless, old woman for a mission. “Money, Korra, makes the world go round. You might the Avatar, but you are only one person. Do you know why the Fire Nation did so well against the combined might of the Earth Kingdom, the Water Tribes, and the Air Nomads?”

“Because you guys were really good at setting stuff on fire?” 

“Apart from that, Korra.”

“Uh…” Korra had learned the hard way that the look on Azula’s face right now meant that she had better give a decent answer or her afternoon training session was likely going to involve the wonders of lightning and what it did when it struck Avatars who were too slow to dodge or bend it away. “Industrial capacity?”

“Hmm…” Azula gave Korra a thoughtful look. “That’s actually not a terrible answer. Yes. In simple terms, the advanced technology and greater industrial capacity of the Fire Nation gave us a sizeable advantage. However, it was our economic strength that truly allowed us to crush our enemies.”

“I see…” Korra did her best to imitate the expression Tenzin had whenever he said anything particularly wise. Alas, her lack of a beard to stroke really ruined the effect.

“It’s obvious that you don’t.” Azula sat down opposite Korra. “Logistics is the key to war, Korra. Armies need food, equipment, shelter, and other supplies. Whoever can provide those things the most efficiently across the largest possible area will be victorious. The Fire Nation was the first modern economy, and it was built on the industrialisation of production. Machines, primitive automation, mass production - all of these allowed us to outproduce and out supply our opponents. Moreover, our stronger economy allowed us to either buy out or pressure independent factions, forcing them to join us or removing them from the field of battle.”

“You make it sound like the Fire Nation should have won.”

“In all honesty, we would have if my father hadn’t been an idiot and if I hadn’t been insane.” Azula chuckled grimly. “The Earth Kingdom was on its last legs, ruled by a well-meaning but utterly incompetent man. The Water Tribes were essentially non-entities in terms of military strength outside of the polar regions. The Air Nomads, well, you know what happened there. Your predecessor and his allies rightfully identified that removing the Fire Nation’s leadership was the best chance they had for victory, and my father obliged by picking a fight with Avatar Aang while I…” Azula’s lips twitched. “I was in such a poor state of mind that I actually lost a fight to my brother. Honestly, if I’d been in my right mind, I would have beaten him easily. Oh, well, I can’t really blame him. Had the roles been reversed, then I’d have done the same. Attacking an opponent who is too mentally unstable to fight properly is the intelligent thing to do.”

Korra winced. Azula could occasionally be quite candid about her past, and it was not a nice past. “And this relates to my current assignment…?”

“You are the Avatar,” Azula said. “When you reach the height of your power, I doubt there will be a single person who will be able to best you in battle. I will make sure of that. But the world is a big place. Can you be everywhere at once? Can you fight everyone’s battles for them? You may not see it now, but the world stands on the precipice of change. Machinery continues to improve, the divisions between benders and non-benders grow, and discontent is rising.”

“People keep telling me that,” Korra murmured. “But I hardly ever get to leave this place.”

“I will see what I can do about that,” Azula replied. “A naive Avatar will likely end up a dead Avatar.” She grinned. “Believe, I know. But back to the matter at hand. The truth, Korra, is that most people are not interested in high minded ideals, honour, or anything like that. What they want is simple: a roof over their head, money in their pockets, and nice things for their family. Can you, as the Avatar, give that to them?”

“Not to all of them,” Korra replied. “Maybe some, but not all.”

“Yes. You’re powerful… not omnipotent.” Azula nodded at the books. “But as the Avatar you will be incredibly influential on the rulers of the various nations. Economic policy will be key to establishing long-lasting piece. If people are content, well fed, and wealthy, they will not go to war, nor will they look upon their neighbours with envy and discontent. As the Avatar, you will be called upon to settle conflicts. You need to understand which side you should be on and what recommendations you should make.”

Korra nodded slowly. Years ago, she’d believed being the Avatar would be simple. The more she learned, the more she realised there was always more to learn. “That can’t be your only motive, can it?”

“The White Lotus are not your friends,” Azula said. “They are using you. In a way, everyone wants to use you. After all, you are the most powerful piece on the board. Keeping you isolated here removes your ability to form political alliances and amass monetary wealth. Once you take up your duties, though, you will be travelling a great deal. If you are wise, you will make political alliances, and you will spot investment opportunities.”

“You’re teaching me how to make those investments…” Korra paused as a thought occurred to her. She reached for a book and began to flip through it. “And you’re teaching me how to hide any money I make!”

Azula smiled. “Very good. If people know where your money is, they can take it or cut you off from it. The White Lotus has eyes and ears everywhere. But if you have money they don’t know about, they won’t be able to plan against it, and they’ll be caught off guard once you use it. Feign weakness until you have built up your strength.”

“To buy an army?”

“If you need to.” Azula shrugged. “But there are many other reasons why you might want to have money at your disposal. Bribes are essential throughout much of the world. Some coin here and there can preserve the peace temporarily while you look for a permanent solution. And promising individuals can be helped to reach their potentials if you have sufficient funds. Money, Korra, matters, and it is simply another form of power. You need to learn how to use it.”

“How much money do you have?” Korra asked.

Azula told her.

“…” Korra’s eye twitched. “Are you serious?”

“I have made many fine investments in my life, some legal and some… less so. Over time, those investments have paid off handsomely, and I have diversified my portfolio to ensure my fortunes are protected from downturns in any single area. How do you think I fund my spy network and my other endeavours? People don’t work for free, and threats will only get you so far.”

“You could buy better instant noodles then,” Korra countered. “You always get the cheap stuff!”

“If I started spoiling you with premium instant noodles, you’d get soft.” Azula smirked. “And what makes you think I’m not keeping the premium instant noodles for myself?”

“You wouldn’t…” Korra trailed off as she realised that, yes, Azula totally would keep premium instant noodles. “You have!”

“Of course.” Azula smiled sunnily. It was terrifying. “And now that you know about them, I can use them as a reward.”

“You might be the most evil person I know,” Korra said seriously.

“Oh, Korra, you have no idea.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

Korra’s naivety when it came to matters of economics in the show was mind-boggling. She might be the most powerful person in the world, but her naivety in certain critical areas left her woefully underprepared. Indeed, it’s difficult to believe it wasn’t intentional since keeping her naive would make it very easy for the White Lotus to ‘advise’ her in a manner that allowed them to use her power for their own ends.

You can find me on fanfiction.net, AO3, and Amazon.

[k4nill]

ROTTMNT Headcannons for a Friend ~ S/O being sick.

Sorry i'm damnnnn late but translating this took a me while hahaha I hope you get better soon dear!!! @turtlestanfirst.

Raph

> Calls you all the fluffiest pet names with that sweet "hey buddy" tone all the time you are sick.

> Rather visit you than having you in quarentene by Donnie on the lair (and also to have some time alone)

> Raph is most likely to pick you up for anything, so forget about being able to walk for a while.

> Tries to cook for you, but it's always the same Raph special Hot Soup™ (ramen noodles with maccaroni and spaguetti pasta, Raph is a high-cab guy) still, is warm as his heart and a delight.

> He understands how tired you must feel so he suggest soft activities (having netflix marathons of movies, a console game, board games, BUT NEVER FUCKING UNO HE WILL CRY IF YOU THROW HIM THAT +4 CARD)

> He's the one who would probably ask you if you wanted him to leave or if you want to be alone, he thinks he's too suffocating. (It is a little, but you know, he cares too much)

> Builts a pillow fortress for you and when entering he says: "you need something, your majesty?" He just treats you like royalty.

> Blast your favorite songs and sings for you in the smoothest jazzy voice. (you know his beautiful deep ass voice)

> Let's say you are so entretained you and Raph forget the time for your meds, still you take em, but like 5 hours late.

> Raph constantly talks about his family and friends. He's the one to bring up deep conversations topics (about him being the leader , not being good enough, concerned by his brothers dumbassery) and you open up as well. Raph is full of emotions and loves to be listened to and he'll do the same for you.

>His eyes become crystalline when you start coughing or when the thermometer marks a mild fever.

> He tries to clean your place. Tries, but most likely to trash it a little bit more... Just a little.

> When you told him you were sick he came rushing, didn't even think of getting sick himself, so, after you recover is most likely you have to take care of him.

> Dumb dumb also didn't tell his family where tf he was, so he made his family a little concerned.

Donnie

> Boy thinks He's Dr. House or some shit like he'll ask you all you symptoms and then he tells you with his dorky "Mr. I know all" smirk that is a rare desease that you can only adquire on the amazon rainforest like... You have a cold.

> Doesn't want to get sick (a waste of time) and definitely don't want anyone on the lair sick cuz they are DRAMATIC AF when they get sick.

> So he suits himself up with those NBC suits and ask you to stay in a (previously prepared) station in the lab, which is basically a sickbed with some comfy futons (that he stole from Leon), with a screen near for your entretainment, and tons of pillows.

> Programs Shelldon so you can have your meds on time or if you need something he can bring it to you.

> You may find a plushie in the station and ask Donnie where he got it and he'll tell you with the most monotone and uninterested tone : "Oh I took it from Leon, it was with the pillows, don't mind it, you can take it home if you want"

> YEAH THE BITCH TOTALLY FOUGHT A CAT FOR IT ON THE FUCKING DUMPSTER AND HE'S SCREAMING INTERNALLY WHEN YOU SAY: "Thanks, it's cute."

> He'll work on some project but high-key is not, he's watching you all the time, like you are watching some dank ass memes and look over to see him and he does that "thing", you know when you pretend you stare at nothing when they catch you staring at someone?

> He' wearing the suit but with any barely improvement of the symptoms he'll take it off and get closer to you cuz he misses being close to you.

> Won't allow you to be just in bed tho, he says activity is important. So he takes you out to dance to your favorite songs and his weeb songs. (Bootyyyshaker9000 entered the game)

> When you are getting ready to go to sleep, he tucks you in, gets his caffeine overdose and in your deep dream state he plugs you in a machine to continue to monitor your sickness.

> Gets sick cuz he's a dummy and took the suit to early, also not enough sleep can lower your defenses.

Leon

>Ok low-key the doctor of the family, (I live for this HC of Leon being a doctor) knows right away you are sick when you come in the lair.

> Also doesn't want you in quarentene (Damn Donnie it's not time to test that gigant quarentine snow globe protocol) so takes you to the "Neon City". (Leon's room is filled with Neon signs of all kinds.)

> Lets you use his bed, no questions and doesn't take a no for an answer. (plus his eye mask)

> In the shelfs they are these plants and miniature zen garden, rubik's cube, some origami stuff, figurines....he shows you how to take care of the plants, solve 3d puzzles, even teaching you origami (Leon is a very zen person, if he doesn't have a break from the meme lord he is he would've snapped a long time ago) and his personal favorite: sewing patches to his gigant bed sheet (he started trimming pieces of fabrics and putting em together, remember they aren't rich but resourceful) just to keep you entretained.

> But board games are next level shit, you don't want to play because Leon is a really bad loser/winner he's dumbass and will always complain.

> You two end up watching compilations of memes and vines for HOURS, until you decide is time to watch a movie, but wait its the fucking 69 movies of Jupiter Jim the only thing in the catalogue.

> But you love to reenact your favorite scenes with him, and maybe, just maybe he would let you be Captain Jim this time.

> We all know Leon is really clumsy, yet he's really gentle and soft when he wants to. He treats you the same as always (quoting shitty vines and hideous oneliners from time to time) but he tries to touch you a lot more and if you think of something it's like he already read you mind and bring you what you wanted or needed. Smooth mofo.

> Leon isn't obsessive when it's something mild (like a cold) he knows is something temporary and just want you to keep you distracted, without feeling suffocated or making you feel you can't do anything.

> But if it was something like a broken bone, beatings in general or you having a relapse in any major illness he would get depressed. He won't be as bright with you or with others, his behaivor would shift from 100 to 1 until you get better.

> In this last scenario, silently cries when people he cares about (that are in this state) are asleep, cuz he can't make them heal faster or make them feel better. His brothers snap, are agressive, are short tempered and anxious when they are in this situation, Leon just shuts down and bottles up his feelings of impotence.

>Also another dummy who gets sick, he's a pain in the ass who thinks he's gonna die soon, but give him all the attention an cuddles and he'll be a good boy.

Mikey

>Stole literally all the comfy items (plushies, futons, shelldon, Raph's hot soup) to give it to you.

> Mikey is not knowledgable in med stuff, so he often ask Leon or Donnie about your sickness but won't credit them lol.

> The entire time wears a classic halloween costume nurse hat and wears a white coat and a fake glasses with a mustache when he wants to be a doctor. (plus: makes his voice a little deeper)

> He says that the lair isn't at all like a hospital but the hospital is made by all the good will people of the personal that want to help others, so he dresses up to make you feel in one. You can't help but enjoy everytime he changes from a nurse to a doctor having their monologues about payday and gossiping about the "other" staff.

Dr. Mikey: "Dr. Saenz just told me that he's firing Barbara because he didn't bought him the right sidedish with his pizza."

Nurse Mikey: "hOW DARES BARBARA DISRESPECT DR. SAENZ ONION RINGS WITH BARBECUE SAUCE"

> And takes the game kinda far.

Dr. Mikey: "yOU INSURANCE DOESN'T COVER THIS!!!"

You: "Ok doctor what about if I make a deposit of hugs in the bank for this?"

Mikey:"O-okay!!!! I'm the bank man now!!! (Totally changed into a bank man just adding a red tie)

> Mikey won't turn down your entretainment, neither his. So he'll paint and let you paint saying is your recovery therapy.

> You would have a lot of fun but sometimes you'll feel a little ashamed to show what you did because honestly Mikey is really good, nontheless he'll will always compliment your art and keeps everysingle piece in storage (even things you think he should throw away).

> Mikey's meds skills are basically laugh therapy.

> While his brothers are calm he kinda panics and pretends everything is okay, until he trips on an imaginary banana peel or drops just one of your pills he snAPS and says he's sorry he's not a good enough nurse/doctor in the verge of tears. (Of course you later reasure him his not.)

> He's just so active but he knows you can cope with him, it's sorta frustraiting to him to lower her normal energy levels.

> Doesn't get sick, surprisingly.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#4yrsago Postcapitalism: A Guide to Our Future

Economist Paul Mason's blockbuster manifesto Postcapitalism suggests that markets just can't organize products whose major input isn't labor or material, but information, and that means that, for the first time in history, it's conceivable that we can have a society based on abundance.

Mason is one of those fortunate writers who can talk about complex economic subjects and still be engaging, and Postcapitalism is a grabber from page one.

Of course, he's got a lot to work with. Global capitalism has gone weird. Whole generations are unemployed, pension liabilities are skyrocketing, and the decades-old assurance that acting selfishly will make the world better for everyone is a hollow joke. Occupy, Gezi, Arab Spring, Hackney riots, Black Lives Matter, Ferguson, mass surveillance, Euromaidan, Corbyn, Sanders... Where is it all heading? How did we get here?

Mason constructs a careful argument, grounded in the failings and successes of Marxist theory. Specifically, he's interested in the relationship between Marx's Labor Theory of Value to information technology. In the Labor Theory of Value, the true value of goods is the amount of labor it requires, including the labor included in delivering that labor -- the hours that went into growing the worker's food and making her clothes and getting her to the factory. Automation produces more goods with less labor, driving the value of goods down, so industry seeks out more complex products that need more labor, and more opportunities to profit.

If you accept this -- and Mason has quite a long argument about where the Labor Theory comes from and how it's been tested and what counterarguments have been raised and so on -- then it's clear that as goods become more and more made from information, not material or labor, that their prices get very weird and hard to determine. The marginal cost of reproducing an information good -- a song, a book, a movie -- is zero.

That's not to say that books and music and software cost nothing to make. There's a bunch of fixed costs associated with their production -- the labor that I put into writing my books and the labor of the farmers who feed me and the spinners who clothe me while I do (not to mention the factory workers in China who made the laptop that I type on, and the miners in Africa who extract the conflict metals in that laptop). But to arrive at the cost of any individual copy, you have to divide the fixed costs of production by the number of copies that can be made once the book is done: an infinite number of copies. Divide any number by infinity and you get zero.

Unlike machines, information doesn't wear out from use. Software "machines" can theoretically do an infinite amount of work, in an infinite amount of places, for only the cost of electricity and computers to run on. As our goods become more and more conjured from information -- as everything from jet engines to pork noodles are -- they become more abundant, and the case for using markets to organize our world falls away.

So far, so good. I've made this argument before in fiction and essays, and even mentioned a lot of the same technological systems and phenomena as Mason cites.

Mason makes good and often brilliant arguments about the transformative effect of information technology on market capitalism. They're important arguments, too. But often, they're just not very informed arguments when it comes to technology.

For example, in a section on how the positive externalities from companies like Amazon and Tesco could be socialized, he suggests that user data could be "suitably anonymized" and then made public, which sounds like a plausible idea, but contains one of the most contested technical arguments in policy circles today: namely, whether there is any basis for claiming that large data sets can ever be de-identified in a way that doesn't allow for mass-scale, automated re-identification later.

Mason likewise misses the deep divisions in the open source/free software movement, misidentifies the founder of Creative Commons, and never really comes to grips with the deep debates over the moral versus instrumental cases for free and open licenses. He cites Benkler's Wealth of Networks, but for all his discussions about copyright, never mentions Lessig (let alone Samuelson). And though the casting of products as embodied information is at the core of his argument, he has apparently never heard of spimes, nor read Sterling's Shaping Things.

These are glaring omissions, and they show. Mason is entering a debate that has been conducted for a long time, and which has been defined by contributions from real experts on software, 3D printing, information theory, copyright, crypto, licensing, anthropology, sociology, and a myriad of other disciplines. I disagree with some of those people and agree with others, but the point is, they've covered a lot of turf.

I'm not arguing that Mason hasn't paid his technical dues and therefore does not deserve an opinion. Rather, Mason's argument often rat-holes into easily discredited cul-de-sacs of technological hand-waving and long-settled groaners, and it is to his book's detriment.

Which is a pity, because there is a lot to love in this book. It's audacious and when Mason is arguing his own topic, economics and revolutionary history, it is thorough and crisp  as you could hope. There's arguably too much history of Communist revolutionary movements here, seemingly aimed at Old Left skeptics who need to have their concerns about how this accords with historic disputes in Marxist circles.

This is a book that plays to Mason's strengths, but displays some regrettable weaknesses. It's fine to treat software as a theory-object in which it is a machine that never wears out. Just as physicists need to descend from abstract frictionless surfaces and geometric solids and engage with the stubborn materiality of the physical world, Mason's particular argument about infinitely reproducible machines with no marginal labor inputs needs to address the fact that code is a liability, not an asset.

Likewise, it's great to talk about modelling economies in depth, but there is a mathematics of complex systems modelling that is engaged in lively debate about the limits of big data, and it would be nice to hear how Mason's plan takes account of those limits, when (not if) we reach them.

Thomas Piketty's Capital in the 21st Century failed to come to grips with Marx. Mason's Postcapitalism spends too much time on Marx, and not enough on networks. But both books are indispensible reads, with important things to say.

To get a flavor of Mason, try  longread in the Guardian, The end of capitalism has begun.

Annoyingly, even though the UK edition has been out for a month, Mason's US publisher has scheduled his book for February 2016. It's worth getting a copy from the UK now.

PostCapitalism: A Guide To Our Future [Paul Mason/FSG]

https://boingboing.net/2015/09/15/postcapitalism-a-guide-to-our.html

[massagersstips-blog]

The Best Electric Back Massagers on Amazon, According to Hyperenthusiastic Reviewers

Here at the Strategist, we like to consider ourselves insane (in the great way) about the stuff we purchase, however as much as we'd like to, we can't have a go at everything. Which is the reason we have People's Choice where we locate the best-evaluated items and single out the most persuading ones. (You can study our rating framework and how we pick every thing here.)

And keeping in mind that we've secured back rub seats and chairs, foot massagers (both manual and electric), and a percussive back rub gadget darling by expert competitors, here we've gathered together the best electric back massagers, as adulated by the most energetic commentators on Amazon

Best-evaluated electric back massager

A most loved of both Amazon commentators and Strategist perusers (it's been a standout amongst our top of the line items in the wake of showing up in a few present aides), this shiatsu massager soothes back agony with warmth and working. One analyst calls it "possibly my best Amazon buy of the year! Gotten it for my better half for Christmas yet everybody in our family battles about it. The back rub weight is impeccable and the warmth choice takes it over the top!" Another states, "This little massager is unimaginable in working out the torment for me. It has helped each zone of my back — and in the middle of my shoulder bones, which is so hard to get to."

Bunches of analysts like how it's less expensive and more helpful than getting ordinary back rubs. "While I completely appreciate full-body rubs, my back rub specialist moved to another state about a year prior and from that point forward I haven't found the 'right' one for me yet," composes a commentator. "In this way, with torment in my shoulders, neck and upper back, I turned to investing a portion of my Christmas cash and get this massager as a present for myself. First given me a chance to state, I wasn't anticipating much, however kid was I wonderfully shocked. It works so well that it has turned into my daily custom to sit with this massager on my back and bears for 30 mins as I settle down before bed. I feel like a noodle when I complete, regularly so loosened up I some of the time discover myself napping off while this thing is on." And this commentator includes, "this item has been astounding in helping me with my rest and general personal satisfaction — also the cash I would pay for an expert back rub specialist."

Best-appraised (more affordable) electric back massager

With a warming component and manipulating rub hubs, this increasingly moderate massager is fundamentally the same as our top of the line model, and numerous analysts are dazzled by how solid it is at the cost. A commentator says, "I don't have a clue what I at any point managed without this in my life! I was hesitant to get it supposing it may not be sufficient in light of the fact that I favor profound tissue rub however it gets in there and feels simply like genuine hands massaging your muscles. I truly love this massager and it has done miracles for my sore muscles in the wake of working 12 hour movements," and another raves, "this is the most profound back rub I think I have ever had and at the cost I'm actually stunned!"

Best over-the-shoulder electric back massager

Ideal for those with neck, back, and shoulder torment, analysts call this massager "my supernatural occurrence," a "little monster of a machine," and "likely the best thing cash can purchase." A commentator who has "incessant shoulder torment — the benevolent that keeps me conscious, and makes me tear at my hair," says, "everything about this is magnificent. In addition to the fact that it is anything but difficult to slip on, it really works. The warmth and back rub together causes a pleasant shiver that goes down your spine." Another analyst composes, I adore utilizing this so much and use it each couple of days just to keep my neck and shoulders fit as a fiddle. It helps to such an extent. In the event that I rest entertaining, I can completely recoup in the wake of utilizing it for around 30 minutes. I additionally discover it very relieving following a monotonous day at work."

Best handheld percussive electric back massager

A few commentators contrast this with the prominent (and pricier) Theragun, in light of the fact that this massager additionally utilizes high-recurrence percussion to enable sore muscles to recoup. "I looked into the majority of the percussion massagers at present available, and this will be your best worth," keeps in touch with one analyst. "The measure of time I spend on rubbing and recuperation had been sliced down the middle and is increasingly viable." Another includes, "I've been in non-intrusive treatment for around two years. I've paid several dollars for a specialist to do to my shins basically something very similar I am doing myself with Vybe," and this commentator cherishes that "this machine works extraordinary with getting in there and separating the scar tissue alongside discharging poisons [and improving] blood stream."

Best handheld percussive and vibrating electric back massager

With ahandle that makes self-knead easy, and connections for various kinds of weight, commentators love this adaptable massager. "This is my best wellbeing buy to date," thinks of one. "Owning [it] resembles having your very own back rub advisor. The unit itself is rough, solid, and ergonomically intended to achieve those troublesome regions of your back effortlessly." Another analyst says, "the connections have a significant effect and separate it from different massagers. The principle connection is extraordinary on most zones of the body, including the hard bits that were impossible with different gadgets. The profound tissue connection can truly get in profound to slacken up sore muscles."

Bes andheld profound tissue electric back massager

"This convenient massager is a distinct advantage," raves one analyst who cherishes that it's "truly agreeable to hold and simple to move, and packs a serious punch on sore shoulders and neck." Cordless and battery-powered, it's a handheld massager that can be utilized anyplace. One commentator says, "this item is the bomb! I utilized it on all aspects of my body [and] I had an inclination that I had a full body knead. I scrubbed down a short time later and amazing, my body felt so cheerful and not tight like it generally does. My shoulders are my concern zones yet in the wake of utilizing this item just because my shoulders feel incredible."

HoMedcs SP-100H 3-D Shiatsu and Vibration Massage Pillow Save

A warmed shiatsu back rub pad, this pad is a most loved among analysts at its quality and sensible cost. "I recovered this pad for my awful issues and I simply cherish it," composes an upbeat analyst. "I can move it all over for alleviation of shoulder and back agony and it works. The warmth highlight works out the bunches. It has helped me a ton and it was a fair cost for something this calming." Another cherishes that it's "little enough to store effectively and enormous enough to release tight muscles," and "can be moved any place you need it and utilized with any sort of seat."

[sohmariku]

RIKU’S RANDOM LIFE: JAPAN HAUL

As the year comes to an end, I think it’s the perfect moment to have a look at the amount of merchandise I managed to gather in the last month of this year. (And give you an incomplete report of my trip to Japan.)

First of all, met Xiang Xiang, the little baby panda that’s turning Ueno’s zoo in a amusement park. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you need to line up to get a glimpse of this cutie-pie. Well, obviously, for the real thing, not to see the plushie. Anyway, long story short, I love cute plushies, so... boyfriend bought me the panda plushie.

All right, let’s move on!

The manga/novel haul! Touken Ranbu -Hanamaru- vol.1-4, Rengoku ni warau vol.7-8, Kuroshitsuji vol.22-28, Birdmen vol.7+ 10-13 and the novelizations of Touken Ranbu’s stage plays. Half of these I had meant to buy last year (in 2017), but on both trips my suitcases had been too full and I had to give up on bringing the volumes. This time I had weight to spare, so I just went for it! Most of these volumes were bought on the last day of my trip. xD In the end, I did buy a volume I apparently already owned. I was pretty sure I owned up to volume 6 of Rengoku ni warau, but... appears I owned up to volume 7. ^^;; Oops, got that one double now.

SRS2018 haul! These are actually the very first things I got in Japan. Well, granted, most of these things I bought for @blackfireswallow. I’m only keeping on of the happi coats and the stickers. The sticker sheet was a free bonus for the musical website’s premium members.

Akiba haul! Well, about this assortment of merch... If you’ve been to Akihabara, you’ve probably seen these blind bags aimed at tourists. Just from the look of it, you can tell it’s pretty much a scam, but for shits and giggles my boyfriend and I both decided to try it out. This was the content of my Touken Ranbu bag. I paid 5000 yen for it. The Dodanuki noodle stopper figure appears to be sold anywhere between 2500-3000 yen at this moment. The large buttons were probably around 300 yen each. The little Akashi egg is also 300/400 yen.The clear file’s original price is 200 yen. And then you have some assorted stuff that was originally free. All in all, I guess you just about make it to 5000 yen, but it certainly isn’t as good a deal as they try to make it sound. (Oh, and one of the tiny buttons is actually Ensemble Stars...) xD In short, I don’t recommend anyone buy these tourist bags. Although I am happy with the figure, it’s gorgeous!

Nakano haul! It’s not much of a haul really, but... Since I got Dodanuki, and I already own Kashu, I kinda felled compelled to bring Hasebe when I found him for a more than decent price. After that, I also found a bunch of these really cute tiny figures for next to no money. (Hachisuka and Horikawa I actually got in Akihabakara some days earlier from the gacha machine...) At the very least, it means I’m closer to gathering all those sweet figures!

Shibuya/Ikebukuro haul! After meeting up with @lukanene in the early morning, I ran around Shibuya and Ikebukuro to kill the time before it was time to join the Christmas “party” at my brother’s place. In Shibuya, I was really only looking for one specific Touken Ranbu figure, but while I couldn’t find it, something else caught my eye at the Mandarake. The Akatsuki no Dokuganryu T-shirt! When these shirts were originally sold, I had no way to get it, but... having a chance to buy it now, I couldn’t resist it. (Btw. the back of the shirt is amazingly beautiful!) I also came across the cutest figure of sleeping Ritsu... so I had to get that too. (Even though I’m not even into Ensemble Stars. I simply like Ritsu, he’s my spirit animal!) And that’s when I ran out of money. xD I had to find an ATM first, before I could hop on a train to Ikebukuro. I mostly returned to Ikebukuro (I had been there before some days earlier, but shopping around “fujoshi” stores is hard when your boyfriend is a few steps behind), since I still had to check out K-book’s “musical” department, but on the way I also grabbed a sweet Tonbokiri mochi. Then I got some Fudo stuff from myself and some Mikazuki/Mario for @blackfireswallow The keychains came from Lashinbang btw. I remember those were like 1500 yen last year at K-books, now only 100-200 yen at Lashinbang. What a year does to prices of certain items...

Nendoroids! I can’t help it, I need more of these! Nikkari is actually part of my Akihaba haul. He wasn’t in the tourist bag, I bought him separately at one of the shops. Hasebe and Tsurumaru were secondhand purchases I got at Ikebukuro’s Mandarake. When I was shopping with my boyfriend, he told me I couldn’t get them. So, when I returned another day, I bought them using my own money. xD They were just too cheap! I think it was 3200 yen for Tsurumaru and 3500 yen for Hasebe. For that kind of price, don’t tell me to leave them behind! They’ll have to stay in their box thought till I’m officially moved. It’s no use unpacking them now.

All sort of stuff! Yes, some other things I grabbed while there. Kashu’s 2017 solo BD wasn’t on the list of expected purchases, but when I came across it in a secondhand store and it was only 4000 yen for the BD, I couldn’t resist. I mean, it was still unopened! So, it’s basically a brand new copy. The Touken Ranbu stage play documentary BD was an amazon pre-order I had delivered to my brother’s place and thus totally planned. Then I also got a Sayo figure from a blind box and also the little Sada. I didn’t know the new series of little figures would be released this year (I thought they were scheduled for January), so when I came across the gacha machine on my last day in Japan I was already out of 100 yen coins and my boyfriend didn’t want to provide me with coins for more than one try. >_< Otherwise I would’ve tried to get a couple more. Anyway, he did buy me the stage play soundtrack right after, so I guess I’m not allowed to complain. ^^;; We also got this little snow globe thing at Saitama’s Railway museum. And the bookmark was a little present I got with the Data SIM we bought. 

And I think that concludes the list. At least, when it comes to merch. I also bought some food and candy...

The interesting thing is, I returned with all kinds of stuff I hadn’t planned to buy. The things I had planned on buying, I haven’t really bought... xD Guess I’ll have to place some online orders next year, I really want my Touken Ranbu musical collection to be complete. ^o^

[mysynthfetish]

Volca Keys MIDI Out Mod. Or, KORG, WTF?!

Right. So I need to get my shit in gear and start figuring out a live set for the annual Showa Techno event that’s coming up late April. Not wanting to haul a shit-ton of gear up stairs that are more like a fucking ladder, in an OLD house in an area of Osaka City that survived the fire-bombing of WW2, I thought I’d try to go with a minimal amount of gear this year. Volca Keys & Modular, MFB-503 & a Doepfer Pocket Control, a few pedals, maybe the Virus TI Polar or Novation K-Station to keep things interesting. First order of business: noodling with all of the above minus keyboards. Hmmmm. The Keys only has a MIDI in. Hmmm. The MFB only has a MIDI in. Oh for fuck’s sake, seriously?! Goddamit. Half the fun of these live events is ACTUALLY DOING SHIT LIVE, so for the past few shows I’ve played, I dropped the master sequencer from the gear list, using only the on-board loop sequencers of whatever such-equipped gear I decide to bring. Anyway. Yeah so as is, no noodling was gonna be possible thanks to NO MIDI OUTS. I know KORG has been rather kind and labeled solder points on the PCBs of the various Volcas so users can mod them easily, and that’s nice and appreciated, but it still means more work for the end user, and time lost which could’ve been spent noodling around as opposed to doing said work. Sigh.

First step was opening up the Keys and locating the appropriate solder pads. There they are above. You need to wiggle out the connector there for added clearance, Clarence. Be sure to check your vector, Victor. Roger. What?! Ok, random movie reference over. Couldn’t help myself.

With wires soldered up.

With wires soldered to a 1/8” stereo jack.

The end. It took maybe twenty minutes start to finish. I could’ve been a little more precise in my hole-drilling but I was in a mood, and just wanted the goddam thing to be over and done with already. Here’s a dumbass video I sent to a pal in Oakland when it was all done.

Oh shit I forgot I bought a fucking cheapo reverb pedal off amazon. Spawn #1 wanted a magazine of some jap idol music shit, but it was one of those “total order must be over ¥2000 or nope” weirdo deals they do, so I looked for something random I didn’t really need and found that reverb pedal. The outfit that makes it is called Gokko (incidentally, as a suffix that means “pretend~” in Japanese), it’s from china, it was on a special limited time 50% off sale so for ¥3000 (about $30) why the hell not? It’s mono, but has six controls (!!!), seems to be true bypass, and it actually doesn’t sound bad at all for what it is. Very nicely surprised! Now, does it compare in freaky weirdoness to the Death By Audio Reverb Machine clone pedal I just built? Nope. But for what it is, I can’t really complain at all. And besides, the name of the pedal is “Creepy” LOL. Good shit.