alright my friends.
it’s time.
look! the wall I always take my pictures in front of is blue now! so much has changed. aeons have passed.
this looks unsettling
ohhhh this is dry milk powder! I’d know that taste anywhere - I used to love the stuff, and it’s pretty flammable.
hmm. tastes like there’s a bit of salt in this, and definitely some poppy seeds. fascinating.
I was gonna just go right to cooking it but hahaha holy shit this looks so gross now that I've added water to it
look at it! it looks like a really scummy pond with dead bugs floating in it!
okay. waiting-four-minutes time
Jackie why are you squeaking at me. I’m not letting you climb in the dishwasher again
(look at all the claw marks on the woodwork! she's a menace)
hmmm.
it doesn’t have a strong smell - it smells mostly of noodles with just a hint of garlic and caraway underneath
oh! all the sauce sank to the bottom, but stirring it up there’s definitely some creaminess in the texture of the sauce
hmm. now that it’s stirred up and there’s steam coming off of it, it smells mostly like hot milk, but specifically the instant kind. unsurprising.
okay, I’ve put this off for long enough.
oh the noodle texture is particularly slimy. and...huh.
on their own, the noodles taste like nothing. maybe some milk taste, but not much otherwise. but when I get a bite that has lots of seeds in it, I definitely taste them! and some bits of onion, too.
it’s not outright disgusting though, so that’s something
does it taste like an everything bagel? no. it tastes like noodles with caraway, poppy, sesame, onion, and salt.
does the sauce taste like cream cheese? disappointingly, no! it’s got a milky creaminess, but no sour tang to it at all!
weirdly, I feel like if it did have that sourness, it might taste more like an everything bagel.
speaking of...
it’s time for some science
so the first thing I have is popcorn that’s supposed to be everything-bagel-and-cream-cheese flavored. my sibling gave me this specifically for this experiment, so everyone say thank you to them for enabling me.
interesting! this doesn’t taste bad. it still doesn’t taste like bagel (and actually hold on...no, the popcorn on its own doesn’t taste like bagel either, just garlic) but I think the flavoring on the popcorn has added some much-needed taste to the noodles, and so it mildly improves it. three stars
next for the cream cheese
oh, significantly improved! ...or maybe I just love cream cheese. it adds such a nice tangy creaminess to it, and balances out the spices and seeds. four stars.
still tastes nothing like a bagel, though.
and so we try: packaged everything bagel seasoning!
ah. this was a lateral move. the seasoning on its own tastes good, but when added to the noodles it does nothing but make it a bit more salty. one star.
so now, I have to reveal to you. that I have one final trick. one last thing I can do to attempt to make these noodles taste like an everything bagel.
behold: an everything bagel
(and it’s a fancy one too! not a pre-packaged one! it’s even got sunflower seeds on it!)
I’m going to try a couple bites without cream cheese, and then I’m gonna add cream cheese and try that
...
hmm...
conclusion: this was a waste of a good everything bagel
I liked the cream cheese variation better, simply because I stopped being able to taste the noodles at all. five stars!
so when I started out I said the noodles themselves were not outright disgusting, but I’ve changed my mind. after tasting this really good actual everything bagel, these noodles do disgust me. partially because of their flavor, but more because of their (and Nissin's) moral integrity.
how dare they claim that this is what an everything bagel tastes like. this is an insult to bagels everywhere, and I find it truly offensive.
...anyway I guess I’m gonna go eat the rest of this now, because this is my actual breakfast today.
welp.
oh god. and I still have two more of these cup noodles! I forgot; I bought extras just in case!
wish me luck -_-
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