#nonsensical speculations and other bullshit

[netscapenavigaytor]

the stage in a hyperfixation wehre every day you go talk to a friend on the same wavelength of insanity about it as you, and every day emerge from the dms shaking and covered in blood .

[anisespice]

“ the fuck-it list ” || hq!

two || three || four

synopsis: there’s a list going around consisting of hot guys on campus that are deemed “fuckable” with theories as to what they’d be like in bed. it’s all fun and games until somehow your boyfriend ends up on this list. 

pairing: various x gn!reader [ kags, akaashi, atsumu, kenma ]

warnings: cursing, suggestive language, mild objectification, mentions of cheating, cringe descriptions that aren’t 100% accurate lol 

notes: based this off how my friend and i speculate about how the men in hq would be like in bed sooo it’s really just a little jokey joke, so have fun with her :] thinking of making more parts of this with other characters, lemme know what you guys think, and hope you enjoy!! 

To be completely honest, KAGEYAMA wouldn’t know much about the list aside from maybe surface level stuff. He knew it was full of nonsensical speculations, nothing but weird projections put onto strangers by other strangers who found them attractive. It creeped him out a little, so that’s as far as he wished to know. 

Plus, he had no reason to care about some dumb list—He had you. 

“Have you seen this bullshit?!”  Well, speak of the devil. 

All the training in the world couldn’t have prepared his reflexes for the amount of whiplash you put him through in the span of ten seconds. There he was, minding his business in his dorm room, chilling with a volleyball, then BAM; he’s getting bum-rushed by his 5-foot-something significant other with smoke coming through their ears.

Good thing you had a key because the setter was certain you would’ve smashed right through his door by sheer force. 

“Huh??” Frankly, you startled the poor man. The ball that was in the middle of being set toward the ceiling came barreling down on his face, causing him more disorientation. “See—ouch. See what?” 

You stood there next to his bed, one hand on your hip while the other practically shoved your phone in his face. He squinted at the harsh light, but eventually his eyes adjusted enough to read the post. His lips formed a confused pout. “That stupid, horny hit-list? What about it?” 

“What about it? Some bitch put you on there! Just listen to this garbage, ‘Tobio Kageyama. 6’2ft stoic, and mean Dom who’s pretty damn good with his hands. It’s obvious how much of a perfectionist he is, so be ready for some killer overstimulation. Probably won’t make any noise, and doesn’t know much about aftercare. Overall score: 6/10’. Are they deadass right now?” 

Ah. Now he gets it. 

He figured it was only a matter of time, homie was very much aware of his status around campus, not to mention being a looker to top it off. However, he figured being in a relationship would lessen his chances of him ending up on it, especially since you weren’t a secret or anything. Guess that list really had no morality after all. Who’d have thought? 

“I mean, the audacity to put your name on it knowing damn well if anyone even tried it, I’d gorilla glue all their holes shut.” He snorted, face scrunching slightly at your unusual threat. But, something told him deep down you were being serious. 

You continued ranting while pacing back and forth. “But not only that, they completely warped your entire sexual identity just because, what, you know how to mind your business and happen to have a RBF?” 

“RBF?” He tilted his head, making you halt mid-rant to admire the adorable sight. How dare he? You were in the middle of seething, dammit. 

“Resting Bitch Face.” 

He frowned. “I don’t have that.” 

“Tobio, you’re doing it right now.”

He huffed, looking away from you in defiance. His face was fine, he thought, a perfectly normal face indeed. A handsome face, he’d even say. Immediately picking up on his sourness, you chuckled softly before reaching over to cup his face and make him look at you. Kageyama instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist, his frown still apparent, but a little less heavy once it met your soft gaze. “Don’t be pouty.”

“I’m not…” he mumbled, cheeks squished under your palms. A small blush bloomed across the apples at your teasing giggle. “You’re the one that’s upset, not me. Why do you care if they misrepresented how I am in bed? Shouldn’t you be happy it’s inaccurate?” 

Now it was your turn to huff, your bottom lip sticking out. Kageyama’s eyes honed in on its pillowy surface instantly, licking his own as he restrained himself; there’d be plenty of time for that later. 

“I mean, yeah but…I don’t know. It just…feels icky knowing there are random people around campus theorizing about your dick size in the comments, or if you cry after an orgasm. The least they could’ve done was be a little accurate if they’re gonna cause us all this trouble.” 

“Us? Pretty sure I’m the victim here. Who sucks at aftercare, apparently.” He scoffed, of which earned another giggle from you. “Besides, the only person I care about knowing any of that stuff is right here. They can take their 6/10 and fuck right off. I know my baby would rate me higher than that, right?” 

You pursed your lips, avoiding eye contact as you playfully ignored his obvious bait for praise. Kageyama doesn’t take too kindly to that. He softly glared at you, arms tightening their hold around your waist and pulling you even closer to his toned chest. 

“Oh, it’s like that, huh? That’s fine.”

Before you could register what happened, your boyfriend swept you up without struggle and gently tossed you onto his bed. “However, I will admit they were right about one thing.” 

With a slight bounce, you couldn’t fight the delighted squeal as you watched him prowl towards you. 

“Oh, really? And what’s that?”

He hummed softly, large hands traveling up your legs from the ankles all the way to your inner thighs before spreading them open to rest in between them. Finding home there for a brief moment, Kageyama practically smothered you under his gaze, attention once again zeroing in on your lips. He could feel his restraint dissipating, biting his own lip before slowly leaning down to place warm kisses against your skin. He left no spot unloved until he eventually stopped at your ear, his warm breath sending chills down your spine. 

“I’m pretty damn good with my hands.” 

Like Kageyama, AKAASHI didn’t care to know much about the list. He knows a good chunk of guys that ended up on it personally, and based on the conversations he’s heard them have it sounded like nothing but trouble. 

And he was right to assume such. 

One afternoon a few of his friends came barreling toward him during his break in between classes, each sporting various expressions that ranged from extreme determination (Bokuto) to absolute amusement (Kuroo), while the third looked as if they were brought there against their will (Kenma). Slowly, Akaashi lowered his sandwich with a sigh; so much for a peaceful lunch. 

“AKAASHI.” Bokuto exclaimed, hands slamming down on the table to keep himself from nearly toppling the man. Akaashi flinched slightly at the volume, but before he could reprimand him, Bokuto grabbed him by his shoulders and looked him square in the eyes with grand intensity. “How could you be so selfish? I thought I raised you better than this, young man!”

The former setter gaped; that’s not at all what he was expecting to hear. It didn’t help when Kuroo started busting a lung, both hands on his knees as his hyena-esque laugh bounced off the walls of the canteen. Kenma side-eyed the business major before going back to playing some game on his phone, offering the ravenette a soft greeting, then helping himself to a chair. 

Akaashi acknowledged the pudding-head with a small nod, sharp eyes redirecting back to his senior as he removed the rough hands from his shoulders. “What are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about you cheating on [_____]!” 

Akaashi blinked. Then, like a switch, his eyes nearly popped out his head as he registered the spiker’s words.  

“WHAT.” 

Kuroo, after finally catching his breath, gave a hearty exhale as he placed a hand on Bo’s shoulder. “Way to rip off the bandaid, buddy. Thought we agreed to work our way up to that part.” 

“Screw that! I demand answers! Can’t believe I’ve been friends with a no good, cheating scumbag, hmph.” Akaashi blanched at the harsh accusation, falling deeper and deeper into a state of pure shock. 

“Wait, hold on—”

“Whoa there, let’s not jump to conclusions. The man hasn’t even gotten the chance to speak for himself. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this whole thing.” Kuroo reasoned, but was obviously eating it up. Kenma lightly scoffed.

“You’re so full of shit.” He voiced, not even bothering to lift his gaze away from the game. Kuroo gasped dramatically at the dig, hand over his heart and everything. The former paid him no mind. 

Akaashi abruptly stood. “Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on? I’m not cheating on [______], who’s spreading such a thing?” 

Bokuto squinted. “Oya? Then how do you explain this?” 

Like incriminating evidence being shown to a jury, the silver-haired tank pulled up the updated version of the list on his phone that was posted over an hour ago. Akaashi was still perplexed until he saw it. His name. Oh, god no. 

Akaashi snatched the device to get a closer look just to make sure it wasn’t some sort of prank. To his dismay, the post was legit. Oh, god no. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” 

“Uh huh, busted your ass!” Bokuto snatched the phone back only for Kuroo to then take it from him. “Hey!”

Clearing his throat, the sly bastard began reading the caption. “‘Keiji Akaashi. 6’0ft tall, pretty boy with intelligent steel blue eyes. His mysterious nature and bored expression would automatically put him under the Dom category, but I can see right through him.’ Wow, they make you sound like some sort of experiment.” 

“Don’t read that outloud!” Akaashi lunged forward, only to be stopped by a large hand in his face. “Omf-! Fohkuto-son!” 

“What? Ashamed of yourself? You should be, traitor!” 

Kuroo continued. “‘What many would believe to be the strong silent type, I believe there’s a sensitive side to him. That’s why I declare Keiji Akaashi to be a Switch with Sub-leaning tendencies, who’s not afraid to be vocal and would 100% let you peg him. 11/10. Would fuck again.’ Holy shit, this is gold.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Akaashi felt like his entire face was on fire. This was like his worst nightmare come to life, and apparently now everyone on campus could participate in his misery. “This cannot be happening to me…” 

“Oh, me, me, me. Is that really all you can say for yourself? What about [_____], huh? How do you think they’d feel after finding out their boyfriend is an unfaithful—”

“I DIDN’T CHEAT ON MY S/O, BOKUTO-SAN. That isn’t even the purpose of the list, you should know, you’re on it too!” 

Bokuto gaped. “I am??” 

Akaashi groaned, sinking back into his seat. His hands dragged across his face in distress, feeling as if he aged ten years from this mishap alone. But, Bokuto had a point—How were you feeling about all this? Had you seen it?

Luckily, he didn’t need to wonder for long. 

“Keiji!” 

He flinched, as did the two stooges hovering near him. Kenma was the only one to greet you normally while everyone else resembled deer in headlights; this immediately alarmed you. What you expected to be a surprise lunch with your boyfriend since your class let out early, now felt as if you just walked in on an intervention. After taking in the weird atmosphere, you eyed Akaashi with mild confusion. “Uh…is everything okay?”

“It’s all good, [_____]! Turns out my best friend isn’t a scumbag after all. Akaashi is definitely not cheating on you, so no harm done!” 

You did a double-take in bewilderment; didn’t expect that. “O..kay?”

Bokuto looked so proud of his declaration, chest puffed out whilst Kuroo looked like he could barely hold it together. Your boyfriend clearly had seen better days, frown heavy as he glared at his seniors; all he wanted was to eat his goddamn sandwich. 

Eventually, you decided to just take a seat next to him, pulling out your own food while the two former captains began bickering about who knows what. Kenma continued to play his game, happily taking the apple slices you graciously slid over to him as a boost. After you got situated, Akaashi instantly plopped his head right on your shoulder, desiring comfort from the emotional turmoil he just endured. 

You kissed away the stress lines on his forehead before opening up your bento, already having an idea in mind as to what’s gotten him so deflated. But, you spared him any further humiliation—You planned to report that stupid post later anyways. 

You chilled outside the locker rooms waiting for ATSUMU, upon his request to walk you back to the dorms after practice was over. You told him there was no need, that you’d be fine walking back on your own, but he insisted. 

And you were so glad he did. 

While you were waiting, you mindlessly scrolled on Twitter until a familiar username caught your attention; @/FckIt22. Everyone knew of the infamous ‘Horny Bucket List’ going around and boosting already inflated egos, speculating and even sometimes outing people of their most lewd fantasies with popular guys on campus. You couldn’t help but watch the drama unfold every time there’d be a new update to the list, eating it up whenever it’d be someone you knew, or someone you would’ve never guessed to be on it. 

And to your surprise, after you refreshed the page, it was both. Your mouth was slightly ajar when a picture of your boyfriend’s boyish grin greeted you, in his volleyball jersey, soaked with sweat and hair pushed back from his forehead; looking like a full course meal. 

Eagerly, you tapped in to read the thread attached to the image, intrigued to know what was said about Atsumu until… 

“...The fuck?” 

As quick as your excitement came, there it went. Right there, in big letters for the whole campus, no, the entire internet to see was your boyfriend’s face attached with someone else’s name. And not just any someone. 

‘O S A M U   M I Y A’ 

You didn’t know whether to laugh, or what. Could they’ve seriously not been bothered to make sure they had the right twin? And not only that, they mentioned you in the thread. Didn’t bother to @ you, though.

That only pissed you off even further.

‘Osamu Miya. 6’1ft of muscle and charm, whose insatiable appetite won’t be satisfied until he’s had your thighs wrapped around his face for an hour AT LEAST. Not the most expressive, but make no mistake that he’s the ultimate brat tamer; no doubt [______] could attest to that.’

“I know damn well they didn’t just…” You muttered in disbelief, shaking your head as you read on.

‘But, if you’re good, he mayyyy let you top. Don’t think for a second you’re in control tho. Unlike his brother, he’s got Dom energy for daysss. Doubt this man does anything but grunt and groan, but overall he still gets an 8/10. Yum ♡.’ 

Wow.

You weren’t expecting to see your future brother-in-law painted in this light today, but supposed there was a first for everything. To be fair, whomever ran the account sure knew how to sell a fantasy, but it didn’t excuse the lack of decorum they had. You felt a little disturbed, almost violated. One could only imagine how the twins would feel if they saw this…

“Hey there, stranger.” You jumped slightly at the sudden intrusion; speak of the devil. Atsumu wrapped his arms around your middle from behind, placed his chin on your shoulder, and gave a loving squeeze. “Ya ready?” 

“Uh, yeah.” You quickly locked your phone.

A little too quick. 

A small pout formed on his face. He immediately called you out. “What’re ya lookin’ at?” 

“Hm?”

“Your phone, y’were lookin’ at something.” Noticing your shifty behavior, his grip around you loosened a little as he strained his neck to look you square in the face. It wasn’t long before a teasing grin spread across his. His eyebrows wiggled, “Ya lookin’ at porn?” 

With a roll of your eyes, you lightly jabbed him in his bicep. “Yeah, ‘Tsumu. I was totally looking at porn. You got me.”  

Atsumu shrugged, sporting an even bigger grin as he started to sway both of you. “Hey, no judgement here. But don’t forget ya got the real deal right here, darlin’. Whenever you need it, your lovely boyfriend will take care of ya. All’s ya gotta do is ask.”

He spun you around in his hold, and grabbed your hips. With low, tired eyes he stared deeply into your soul. His lopsided grin brought more damage to your already fluttering heart, not to mention his semi that was now pressed against your stomach; this man had been dying to have you in his arms for a while, it seemed. However, even with this sexual tension growing between the two of you...you just couldn’t help yourself. 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, Osamu.”

Immediately, his grin dropped. You did your best to remain stoic, but the absolute disgust that took over his face was just too good. Your body began to shake with laughter, small snickers escaping you as you bit your lip to hold it back. Atsumu was not amused.

“That joke wasn’t funny back in high school, [______], still ain’t funny now…”

“Oh, this is no joke. As of today, my boyfriend’s Osamu Miya, and apparently he’s my brat-tamer. Did you know that he won’t even let me top unless I’ve been good-?”

“Knock it off.” Atsumu glared, gently pinching your sides. You squirmed, but the teasing smile you had didn’t falter. “What’s gotten into ya? Tryin’ to get a rise outta me or somethin’?”

“Oh, you haven’t seen it yet?”

“Seen what?”

You unlocked your phone and showed him the thread. Atsumu held a look of utter confusion, squinting at it until it eventually registered what you were showing him. He’d heard about the list that circled around on campus, some of his friends and teammates used to brag, or complain about it to him when they ended up on it. At first, he found it entertaining…but now?

“THE FUCK?”

He snatched the phone out of your hands to get a closer look, catching on to what you’d originally been hiding from him in the beginning; Atsumu wished it had been porn.

“That’s what I said!” You laughed, incredulously. “The nerve of them to just mix the two of you up like that. And to add me into it without even bothering to tag me? Probably ‘cause they knew I’d call them out on their bullshit. Can you believe-”

“‘Unlike his brother, he’s got Dom energy for days’?? I totally have Dom energy! We’re fucking twins, why wouldn’t I? And ‘Samu ain’t no brat-tamer! If anythin’, he’s the goddamn brat.” Somewhere on campus, Osamu sneezed.

You stood there in bewilderment. That’s what he’s concerned about? 

Crossing your arms, you watched him in astonishment. “So, you don’t care that they used your picture? Or the insinuation that I sleep with your brother?”

“‘Course I do! Ya think I like the idea of his filthy mouth being anywhere near you? And usin’ my picture to clickbait my supporters is just cheap. But nothin’ pisses me off more than anyone thinkin’ that bastard has better game than me. 8/10 my ass…”

You snorted. Why were you not surprised?

Taking a small step closer you grabbed his wrist and lowered it, bringing his attention away from the phone. Atsumu now wore a heavy pout, one that you couldn’t help but to kiss; so you did. With a free hand you reaching up to his nape and pulled him downward, capturing his lips. Catching him off guard, man nearly dropped your phone when your tongue slipped into his mouth. With a soft groan, Atsumu wrapped an arm around your waist as he tilted his head in response to your sudden affection, deepening the kiss as it instantly made his mind go blank.

You pulled away too soon for his liking, the blonde blindly chasing after you with his eyes still closed as a light chuckle escaped you. You thumbed at his bottom lip, wiping some of the spit left behind as he slowly opened his eyes. Atsumu’s honey-gaze seared right into you, the hunger from early returning as the semi he sported was now fully hard, thick and heavy as it pressed against your stomach—So fucking whipped, after just one kiss. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Gazing at him lovingly, your nails raked gently through his hair as he practically melted into you. For a moment, you thought he’d start purring.

“What do they know, huh? How about you take me to my dorm and remind me why Atsumu Miya, my lovely boyfriend, is the only one who takes good care of me. Then, we’ll put that account on blast afterwards, what d’you say?”

His boyish grin reappeared, leaning in to place his forehead on yours. “Thought you’d never ask.”

KENMA felt indifferent about the list. Nothing about it made sense to him, and he left it at that. It didn’t matter how many times his friends brought it up, or how many people whispered about it during lectures—He had no opinion on it. 

“You’re not even a little curious?” Hinata asked.

“No. Not in the slightest.”

The two of them were chilling in the canteen, in the student gaming section, both occupied with their own respective poisons. While Hinata farmed pixelated fruit on his switch, Kenma battled npcs on the public-shared ps4. The copper-head talked on and on about trivial subjects since they’ve arrived, ranging from tough assignments he nearly failed to new moves he tried in volleyball, while the quieter of the two responded occasionally when he felt it necessary. 

Hinata gasped, looking up from his game in genuine surprise. “Whoa, Bakayama said the exact same thing. You and him are probably one of the few guys I know who aren’t interested in knowing if they’re on the list. Well, you two and Suckyshima. And Sakusa-san...and...”

This went on for a good minute. 

Kenma sighed, neutral expression not matching the rapid movement of his thumbs across the controller. “It’s just some dumb list. Not like it benefits anyone.”

“Sure it does! I heard it brought lots of people together,” Hinata paused, tilting his head as he hummed in thought. “Although, I also heard it split people up, too. And caused a lot of rumors…and got that one professor fired…”

Yet another minute, passed. 

Kenma couldn’t help but snort, at least finding his rambling endearing enough to stomach yet another pointless conversation about that accursed list—Why people were so obsessed with it was beyond him. 

“Sounds like a lot of drama. No thanks.”

There’s silence between the two of them, the sound effects from their games being the only thing filling the space. Kenma continued rapidly mashing buttons, tongue sticking out as he concentrated on the level. However, he couldn’t help but feel like they were being watched. They were in a public space, sure, but…something definitely felt off. Choosing to ignore it, he refocused on the game. Hinata just finished up harvesting his watermelons when he suddenly let out a teasing chuckle.

“I wonder if [______] checked.”

Kenma’s thumbs stop. His character was taking incredible amounts of damage, but none of it registered after the mere mention of your name; the pudding-head flushed red. After a moment, he regained composure and went back to smashing buttons, ignoring how slippery his hands just got.  

 “…Why would they do that?” He muttered. 

Hinata shrugged, “Well, just because you’re not curious doesn’t mean they aren’t. Believe it or not, you’re a good looking guy, Kenma-san. And if there’s a fuck-list going around where my s/o might end up on it, I’d wanna be the first to know.”

Hm. Couldn’t argue with that. He always feared you’d end up on the list, but eventually realized it only catered to a certain demographic, mostly focused on the more sociable students, so he figured there was no other reason to care. It’d be a waste of time, Kenma knew for a fact there’d be no chance of him being on it, his outward appearance be damned.

He practically spent his first couple of semesters cooped up in his room, going to class, bare minimum socializing, streamed with his camera off, rinsed and repeated. He didn’t make many new friends during that time, and met you completely by happenstance during a late night cram session in the library; how in the fresh hell would anyone think about fucking him if he rarely gave other people the time of day? 

Kenma kissed his teeth, “You’re being annoying.”

Hinata merely flashed a bright grin, leaning over to playfully poke him in the arm. “Don’t mind~!” 

The dirty-blonde playfully swatted at the intruding hand, earning a bright laugh and another poke from the ginger just for shits n’ giggles, before he returned back to his video game. Unfortunately, the eyes around him didn’t falter, some being less obvious about it whilst others didn’t even try to hide their blatant staring. After a while it started to get uncomfortable, even Hinata couldn’t help getting concerned once he started to notice.

“Uh…is it just me, or are we drawing in a crowd?”

“I dunno. Maybe they’re just waiting for me to get off the game…” Kenma reasoned. But deep down, something told him that wasn’t the case at all.

After some time passed with the situation not getting any better, he decided to just call it a night. There was no point in trying to relax anymore with all those people pointing and whispering. As he began to leave the game, not bothering to save his progress, his phone buzzed. Immediately, Kenma knew it had to have been you—He kept everyone else on DND. When he unlocked his phone, though, the gamer was shocked to see the overwhelming amount of notifications on the screen, all from his closest friends, minus the one he’s currently with. 

It appeared they’d been trying to get his attention for a while. You must’ve been the last resort, as your message urged him to meet at your place.  He didn’t need to be told twice, grateful for this escape from the prying eyes of the random bystanders. 

“I’m heading over to [_____]’s. Sorry to cut our time short.” 

The ginger simply smiled. “It’s okay, know you don’t like crowds. See ya later, Kenma-san!” 

Kenma curtly nodded, offering a tiny smile in gratitude. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he made haste for the nearest exit, keeping his gaze locked on the ground until he made it outside. He could feel the eyes following him as he left, making a cold chill run down his spine. He couldn’t wait to get to your place.

When he eventually arrived, his knuckle barely grazed the door before it flew wide open, startling him a little. Before he even had time to catch his jumping heart, you pulled him into your embrace, making him tense up slightly until he soon melted into your familiar warmth. Sanctuary. 

“I’m so sorry, Ken. You must be devastated.” 

“Um, I’m fine...” he mumbled. Your arms only grew a little tighter around him, as if you were…shielding him? Eventually you pulled back just enough to look at him, searching his eyes for something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “Why would I be devastated?”

You blinked widely at him. “You mean you hadn’t seen it?”

He squinted, visibly confused, and your silence did little to calm his wariness. Another cold chill traveled down his spine, hairs on the back of his neck standing straight up as he struggled to figure out what this feeling meant. It wasn’t until after you gave a strained smile, sympathy swirling within your gaze, did it eventually hit him like a semi truck. The flooded messages, the suffocating stares, the whispers...It couldn’t be. 

He slowly began to shake his head. “No...”

You exhaled. “Yes.”

‘Kenma Kozume. 5′6ft recluse with the mannerisms of a kitten. But don’t let his meek demeanor fool you—it’s always the quiet ones you need to look out for. Though his posture may appear questionable, we all know it’s because of the monster between his legs dragging him down, baggy clothes no doubt concealing an absolute masterpiece of toned skin for you to mark up. The effort he puts into playing video games, don’t expect the same amount in the bedroom. I believe Kenma to be a lazy Switch with Sub energy, who’ll spend most of the session on his back, but that’s okay. We stan a pillow prince. 9/10.’

He looked at your phone with mild disgust. “You’re fucking joking.”

“'fraid not. It was posted less than an hour ago, probably while you were gaming with Hinata. Kuroo was the first to see it, and sent it to the groupchat. That’s why I assumed you had seen it already. Dammit, I knew someone would notice how hot you were sooner or later. And here I thought I was doing a good job gate-keeping you. ”

“Don’t just say stuff like that out loud...” He flushed, tugging on your sleeve in mild embarrassment. After composing himself, Kenma let out an irritated exhale. “What a pain. Whatever, this’ll probably blow over by tomorrow. Someone else will be posted and they’ll forget all about me. Guess I’ll just keep an even lower profile until then. Shouldn’t be too difficult.” 

Laying together on your Snorlax beanbag chair, Kenma turned on his stomach to bury himself in the plush cushion, wanting to forget this whole nightmare. But, you weren’t gonna let him wallow so easily. Tugging on the shoulder part of his sleeve to get his attention, Kenma groaned before tilting his head slightly to peek at you with one eye through the curtain of his hair. 

“You don’t understand, Ken. Bitches practically froth at the mouth for the sexy, socially awkward, gamer-boy type with the messy hair and lax attitude. I would know, I am bitches!” He snickered softly, rolling his visible eye. “My point is, this most definitely will not blow over by tomorrow. Not when they’re already hooked on the fantasy of you.”

“Exactly, a fantasy.” He said, slightly muffled. Shifting to lay on his back, Kenma rested his arms behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. “Meaning they’ll never get to know the real thing, so eventually they’ll get bored. You shouldn’t work yourself up over this, kitten.” 

“Yeah, but what if someone-” 

Reaching over, Kenma gently flicked your forehead. With a soft yelp, you half-heartedly glared at him before going to retaliate with your own flick. He merely grinned, eyes full of mirth as he swiftly grabbed the hand and used it to pull you in closer. “They won’t. And even if they do, I'll just get Kuroo to tell one of his lame jokes to scare ‘em off. Problem solved.” 

You lightly hit his arm, but still graced him with a laugh. Somewhere on campus, said rooster-head sneezed. 

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[horrorsboyfrie]

Loser!Zandik being crushed on by Popular!Reader

(masc terms on reader+ it's the typical corny social butterfly × weirdo shit, queer edition, honestly + Zandik displays traits of autism + a little murderous♡)

Zandik, as per usual, was spending the night's time in the library. It was quiet, for the most part. While a lot of his fellow peers were focused on finding answers for their own satisfaction, even those who viewed their values and research to be above everyone else's had someone to keep them company; for that reason, they often chose to borrow the necessary books and study in their respective dorms, or the dorms of their friends. Some did indeed prefer the setup of the library's sections and desks, but even so, the peaceful atmosphere was not interrupted by them.

Zandik sat on a table at the very ends of the room. He had a pile of books to his right; some half opened, and others neatly stack on top of each other. He had his notebook and pens nearby, taking notes of anything he deemed crucial knowledge for his personal projects.

Not long had he been entangled in his theories when a specific group of students decided to make an appearance. They could be heard from miles away— and it just so happened that they chose to sit on a table to his right. Malicious intent, no doubt. These people tended to act as if Zandik was some foreign species to be studied; as if he was a sort of a subject that needed constant supervision.

Of any day to endure the constant speculations and disgusted or concerned expressions towards him, today was not the right one. Nothing too horrific had happened to him, not something that would matter to an average person, at least. It's just that he slept wrong, causing him to wake up with slight neck pain, which played a role in worsening his already short temper, which in turn made his sensory issues towards his clothes, especially his socks, far more insufferable than they had to be. He was one unexpected move away from having a meltdown.

Yet again, he managed to ignore the obnoxiously loud 《whispers》 that sprouted out of those filthy rat-filled mouths of theirs, as Zandik's already-overwhelmed mind decided to call them.

Unfortunately for him, the multiple different voices started chanting even more nonsense as you walked towards the table— he could see that you were dreading it. Was everyone so damn bothered by his existence? You were known to be such a sweetheart— contrast to majority of boys there— by those who've interacted with you, but to be fair, none had a reputation quite like Zandik's, so it's no wonder you resented him, as everyone else did.

"Why'd we have to sit here?" he heard you emphasize. He looked your way; he could see the grins on the faces of your friends, the way they seemed to be picking on someone, hushed whispers, mentioning his name time after time, as if he wasn't barely three chairs away. Gods, his patience was running thin.

"Can we just switch seats?" He listened as you practically begged your friend, who was sitting on the complete opposite end of the table. As much as he may have claimed (to himself, seeing as he had none to actually confide in) not be a man driven by emotion, his worse sensory days were tempt to be a catastrophe in every way possible. He left soon after he heard those mumbles; he was too sensitive for his own good, even if he dismissed that fragile soul of his with walls of anger and apathy.

Your friends seemed to notice before you, the fact that he was no longer in the room. All you got was endless teasing about how you've missed your chance or about the fact that you probably 《intimidated》 him. Bullshit, no? You sighed as the group split up again, each going ahead to do their own thing. The only true reason they decided to meet up here was to force you into talking to him. That did not quite work out, it seems.

You hurried to leave as well, when you noticed a small pen on the ground. That must be his; you always see him writing with that specific shade of blue. It's not like nobody else in the whole Akademiya owned the same one, but he was sitting on the table you found it under. You decided to hold on to it. Perhaps it would be an opportunity to finally have a conversation with the guy!

On your way back to the dorms, you noticed him nearing his own room. Maybe now's the time to return him his belongings— especially considering how he seemed to be searching his pockets. His face was indifferent when he realized he didn't have the pen on him, but his hands were trermbling; a hint of anxiety perhaps? One could only speculate. You decided to leave him on his own. He probably wasn't up for company or conversation anyway.

The following few days weren't quite like you expected. Usually, you'd manage to get at least a glance your way by him; laughing at stupid jokes, bumping into people or objects that you could have easily avoided, accidentally saying things a bit too loud. Nothing worked this time. It's as if he purposefully was avoiding you; a fact that got confirmed after you tried walking towards him. He saw you—he made sure you saw his look, he held it for a couple of seconds— and then he walked away. Fuck, there's no way this guy wants anything to do with you.

Weeks later, you had grown to forget ever owning that pen of his; actually, you started using it for yourself. If you can't give it back, then why not use it for yourself?

Zandik, despite trying his hardest to keep his stares away from you and your friends (and pretty much everyone else in that damned building), couldn't help but notice that his long-gone favorite pen is under your possession.

After the very last class of the day, he decided to give you a visit; your fate had been decided by him already. He's done what he's done in the Eleazar hospital and got away with it. It wouldn't be hard to add another body into the endless pile of disappearances; he knew how to keep suspicion off his shoulders.

Perhaps it was a bit too far. He was letting his rage get the better of him; but gods, he really hadn't felt at ease writing with anything else. "His death would make no logical sense to my goals," he sighed as he reminded himself. "What sort of researcher puts his emotions above his values?" He groaned— frustrated both at himself for considering such a solution to his problems, and at the situation itself.

Times like these, he'd go to his special place to sit and think; it was a big tree, near a lake. Children would often talk about their encounters with the Aranara there. At first, he only ever visited that place so he could find one creature and take it for himself, but he grew quite comfortable being there.

He grabbed the opportunity by its hand once he spotted you all alone; sitting with your back against that very same tree that he favored. As if you had a seventh sense, you turned around to see him. He wasn't quite prepared to be greeted with a smile. It caught him off guard; why were you, of all people, showing any form of sympathy for him?

"I was hoping you'd be here" you said, handing him the pen that he has been desperately trying to get a hold of again.

[kremlin]

i figure most human behaviour that, not only doesn’t occur in other animals but has zero connection to animal behavior is basically distantly rooted in the known fear of inevitable death. let me be clear. cats and shit don’t know they’re gonna die. we do. we have thoughts. we know it’s coming. we think we’re gonna be rich, bullshit like that, most humans believe in magic and most humans doubt that math is a universal or consistent thing. total nonsense right. but everyone knows their ass is gonna die. before you write me off as some dumbass reciting basic 101 level university lectures just Trust Me I’m An Engineer. anyways. being human and dying are somewhat one in the same.

“if i do nonhuman things i can cheat the reaper.” short and sweet. if i can beat zelda faster than anyone i can outrun the reaper. and you know what, fuck it, i’m scared shitless of dying. it’s gonna hurt really bad no doubt. what if the brain destroyal process makes time slow down in my perception and it’s not just like five seconds of bleeding out or fire ant bites or however you go. Scary. so i’ll play along:

i am an average american man and i enjoy bad game runescape. it’s a computer game. MMO. kill monster get loot. sell what i don’t want to other players for gold. spamming chat with “SELLING BOWSTRINGS 200gp” for an hour “sucks” so the devs add a grand exchange where you can post buy/sell orders for a given item+price to maximize gameplay efficiency and minimize social interaction.

like any other MMO you can pay some sketchy website real money for ingame gold farmer by chinese gold farmers. totally against the rules. remember this

so the first thing that comes to any male aged 23-27 mind is “buy low sell high” basic bitch shit. no good. there’s a 5% tax that’ll wipe out your profit margin intended to eliminate this behavior (you’re supposed to friggen kill monsters). but everyone thinks they’re a genius and can beat the system and that there is a secret george soros style illuminati group that is holding the secrets, blah blah blah, whatever, and this comes as a coping mechanism after losing your shirt after trying to beat the market (success rate of 0%).

here is where people mostly quit thinking: if you do the math, which takes about ten minutes and can be done on one side of a sheet of paper with the most basic calculator, it’s easy to figure out that the amount of gold you’d need to play dirty (buy out all the available Feathers or Fire Runes or whatever) in order to corner the market would be so high that there is no possible way for a character to hold that much without having spent IRL money for gold. you’d get autobanned.

SO..finally, go on the ol’ www.reddit.com, and make a really really professional-to-professional sounding post advertising a “service”. Saturate the fuck out of it with dense but very real financial jargon. the “service” (which needs to be obscured enough with plausible and relevant language) is a hedging service aimed at make-believe market players who are buying and selling such huge amounts of items and gold (usually in anticipation of a game update that will speculatively introduce a sudden, dramatic, and capitalizable price change for some item). you need it to be as alien-sounding and foreign as possible but with enough believability and clarity that a handful of reddit jackasses will figure out what the fuck your post is about. whenever pressed further, act totally puzzled and make it very clear that this is not a service relevant to “individual entertainment-motivated” players or some shit. no matter what amount of gold anyone quotes at you, just act puzzled and if that amount is 1/1000th the amount one of your “normal” clients deal with. you need to do all of this extremely artfully. and by “you”, i’ve been meaning to write “me”. really lay it on thick that whatever you’re “doing” is totally unavailable to them and that you want zero to do with them.

so now theyre still mostly totally confused but enough is made clear that their interest is piqued. got my hook in em. some guy will copy/paste wikipedia shit in an obnoxiously long and pseudointellectual, contemptible but characteristically reddit guy style what you’re “selling” actually is in the most exhausting, hand-holdingest way to his fellow reddit gamers. with complete tone of authority.

inevitably one of them will put on their sherlock holmes hat and go deep undercover, emailing me posing as an interested party. bingo. now i get to really lay on the WTF and go off the rails asking about vouchers from One Of The Big Seven, but oh no, you can’t get one of them to vouch for you, that’s fine, it makes sense, we’re the only firm that deals with unvouched, that’s our market, well, one of them at least. Just give me a rough rundown of your entry criteria, dwell time, risk tolerance, fuckin “Gamma Ratio”, you know, all the basic stuff, and i’ll have the team generate a .xlsx for you to plug your data into to get a rough feel for what the final contract might be like.

(lololol) But REMEMBER, that excel sheet is seeded, output is fuzzed and salted and if you share it or try and sell it to our competitors, it will be fuzzy enough to be worthless to them but obvious to us who leaked what. this is the only way we’re able to integrate unvouched clients without untenable premiums and while managing our risk levels

blah blah blah blah, i go on and on and on and the guy on the other end is developing a scab from constant head-scratching. and that’s about the maximum real-world harm i’m willing to inflict. i know this sounds like an elaborate as fuck confidence scam but it isn’t. that shit makes me sick. i’d literally slam my arms in a car door before taking a cent from all this. hell, i’ll go out of my way to guarantee i don’t even piss anyone off or offend them or anything.

your guess is as good as mine but i do stuff like this constantly for anything i know well enough and the example i gave above is just a pretty low quality one i made up on the spot. this is a public blog after all.

anyways, cheers, hoping this saves me from dying or whatever the hell i was talking about before that could have probably been cut out. Namaste. Mahala.

[mdzs-fanon-exposed]

MDZS Fanon VS Canon: 6/?

Jiang Fengmian was in love with Cangse Sanren

Rating: RUMOR

Some characters, notably Wang Lingjiao and Madam Yu, bring up the gossip that Jiang Fengmian was in love with Wei Wuxian's mother in order to reason why he seems to favor Wei Wuxian over his own wife and son. Despite the idea originating in the text, however, there is no concrete evidence either way, so it cannot be considered "canon." Instead, this is only an in-text rumor.

Supposedly, "the entire cultivation world knew" the rumors surrounding the Jiang marriage drama, but as we learn in the very first chapter, the information spread throughout the cultivation world is incredibly inaccurate and relies on misinformation (Seven Seas Ch. 1, Ch. 12).

We do know that even at the time, people thought Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren were romantically involved:

Speculation abounded that Cangse-sanren was extremely likely to become the next mistress of Lotus Pier. To everyone’s surprise, it was around this time that the Yu Clan of Meishan proposed a marriage alliance with the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng. (Seven Seas Ch. 12)

But as established above, while the popularity of this rumor implies that it may have been based in fact, the assumptions that the "cultivation world" makes are not a reliable source of information.

Crucially, of the few characters who mention the rumor aloud, it is Madam Yu herself who first brings it up with her husband:

"I refuse to believe you haven’t heard the gossip—that after so many years, Sect Leader Jiang is still obsessed with a certain Sanren and sees his old friend’s son as his own. Everyone speculates whether Wei Ying is your…" (Seven Seas Ch. 12)

But only a few pages later, Wei Wuxian refutes this "nonsensical bullshit":

“My mom and dad are real people and have names. I can’t stand when people blindly assign me to other families!” (Seven Seas Ch. 12)

With all this contradictory evidence in the books and no first-person account from someone who witnessed their relationship (Wei Wuxian wasn't born yet; Madam Yu only refers to the gossip as if she learned it second-hand; Jiang Fengmian never confirms nor denies), there is no way to know for sure whether Jiang Fengmian had feelings for Cangse Sanren.

However, canonically, multiple characters labor under this assumption. In the end, because of the complicated nature of this topic and its roots in the text, the idea that Jiang Fengmian was in love with Wei Wuxian's mother has to remain a rumor.

[mafaldaknows]

Kylie and timothe are allegedly getting married next year. Now tell me how is thios PR and how he's still getting his cherry popped by Armie Haammer. And I want a logical explaination, not some cult guru shit about believing in love and all that nonsense.

Hello, Anon:

Let’s stop for a moment and consider what the word “allegedly” means.

It seems to me that an unfortunate by-product of our social media culture is that people conflate allegations with facts, to the point that all anyone has to do these days to make something true in many people’s minds is simply to say it somewhere on the internet. It doesn’t even have to be “official”.

Allegations are not facts. Speculation is not confirmation. Hypotheses are theoretical. None of these things assumes itself as the truth, but merely introduces a starting point for further discussion or investigation in order to discover the truth about something.

So why bother to come to my inbox to ask me what I think about something that you already seem to think is true? It seems to me that you don’t need my validation. And don’t worry, Anon. I’ll spare you the cult guru shit about love.

Because what’s love got to do with it?

It takes at least two years for people to stop being on their best behavior around their romantic partners, so making a lifelong commitment to love, honor, and cherish someone in less time than that is a serious gamble, and seems highly unlikely in this case, assuming that at least one of them still has functional critical thinking skills, and isn’t in the habit of setting their life on fire without first contemplating the consequences, as most reasonable grown adults do, especially when making such a major, life-altering decision like getting married to someone they barely know.

What’s ironic to me, Anon, is that if you wanted me to agree with you, this would be a good spot to give you some cult guru shit about love. Because I believe that there are some people who know right away that they’ll love someone for the rest of their lives. But they tend not to need a team of managers and publicists, and constant, chronic, random no-one-asked-for-it-but-here-it-is-anyway press attention to prove it to everyone on the internet, in order to seal the deal. Lovers just love, no press required.

They only just allegedly met this spring. One year’s time is most likely not enough time for them to know if they’re suitable life partners for each other, if they intend to stay married, especially if they’re not even “official in private” and only “casual” at this moment in time, depending on how their insider source is feeling that day, depending on which way the wind blows, even when no one asked. It might be helpful for someone on their PR teams to keep track of what their insider source is telling the media on an hourly basis on an excel spreadsheet or something so they’re at least all on the same sheet of bullshit.

If it happens, then mazel tov to the happy couple, and let’s hope there’s a prenup, to keep things simple when if it falls apart.

As for popping a cherry, that’s a one-shot deal. Once in a lifetime. You might want to brush up on your idioms, Anon. 💥🍒💥

However T & A chose to define their connection to each other is no one’s business but their own. I’ve said this time and again. And who T sleeps with is also none of my business.

How T chooses to share his business that’s nobody’s business like nobody’s business is the larger issue, imho. The fact that T&K’s presence together has become ubiquitous in the media has now made it my business, like it or not.

Selling their relationship seems to be the point, and that’s the part I struggle with. It’s difficult to see the truth of their alleged love story when it’s so deeply embedded within such an obvious PR sales pitch. Even if they’re madly in love, that doesn’t change the fact that they’re also using each other as a means to an end. Famous people marry each other all the time without ever having to ask one to commodify themselves for the sake of elevating the other’s image.

Unlike some other relationships, however, T &A do not make it their business to make it our business to know their business, every damn day, for months on end. So I have no idea about the status of their relationship; romantic, platonic, doesn’t matter to me, Anon. But I can still be hopeful and watch for signs, with both my feet firmly rooted in reality.

Only time or Tim will tell.

Thanks for your question. ❤️🧿☺️🍒👀

[delicatelystrangepolice]

Simon is my favorite character from young royals so I didn’t really care if wille ended a monarch as long as Simon could stay away from that. A better ending for me is for Simon never taking Wille back again. He didn’t deserve all that bullshit. For me monarchy was not the problem but Wille never understanding Simon he never did in any season.

Hi Anon, thanks for the message! I'm the worst person to discuss YR with because I have a complicated relationship with that story and my opinion about it has changed a lot since I first watched it. But let me use this moment to blab about my thoughts...

I agree that whatever s3 did to wilmon's relationship didn't inspire me to imagine a happy future for them. For first two seasons I cheered for them because they seemed like such a tragic set up; conflicts always thrown at them and they desperately wanting to just be together. I understood their motivations from both sides.

However, I was always a little critical of the amount of conflicts. At some points, it felt like the characters were just being tortured. I excused that with 'oh it's such a complex story, it packages a lot with the little screentime it has and some things are left for the imagination!'

For me it has always been Wilmon relationship that was more 'you just need to read between the lines' which isn't bad in itself but looking at things that actually happened on screen - they never had a proper conversation. There were fights and there were sweet moments but s3 proved that they just don't know each other.

I've seen fans speculating: surely they do talk to each other much more off-screen. Wille saying Simon is the only person he can talk to was one of the reasons for that theory.

Well, how much did they talk if by the end of the story they became... that?

My overall hope came from my own delusions - because I do think it's very interesting to meet people from different backgrounds when you are able to learn from each other, enrich your point of view through their experiences. It happens easily and all the time when people are willing to listen and understand each other. It's what keeps this world fascinating and beautiful.

There were choices made to always keep Wille and Simon apart - creative choices that I first thought were very good but in s3 they became irritating. Instead of showing the potential of what Simon and Wille could be together, the show decided they needed to be tortured all the way through and quickly threw a 'happy ending' that seemed completely nonsensical.

And it pulled me out of the story so much that I was not even judging any of the characters - I only judged the creator. Which... I guess says something about how realistic that story felt to me.

So yeah...

[roboticonography]

it's getting really upsetting to see certain corners of the fandom demonize peggy. do you have any thoughts on the matter?

Oh, if only this were a new thing, anon!

I’ve been in the MCU fandom since before there was an MCU to speak of. Shitting on women characters and the actors who play them has been going on forever. People posted about how they hated Pepper Potts, saying she wasn’t a good partner to Tony because she didn’t constantly enable his erratic behaviour, or sacrifice her safety to accommodate his trauma. They posted about how Pepper should have died in Iron Man 2, for the good of Tony’s story, and when Iron Man 3 came out, they said the same thing. It was fucking exhausting.

People also posted about how they hated Natasha Romanoff, how they hated Jane Foster, how they hated Wanda Maximoff, how they hated Sharon Carter. 

And yes, there were Peggy-haters then too. They called her a “karate-kicking fucktoy” and a “vengeful feminazi” and those are the most polite terms I can recall. They complained that she was too powerful, they complained that she was too feminine, they complained that she was pointless without Steve, they complained that she talked about Steve too much. And so on, and so forth, ad infinitum.

Now, to be clear, I am not talking about some of the very valid criticisms people had about the Agent Carter series - its writing, its casting, etc. I am also not talking about the very valid criticisms people have about the larger MCU related to representation, or lack thereof, across multiple fronts. I believe it’s possible to enjoy a piece of media and still have issues with some (or even many) aspects of it, and I enjoy reading posts that grapple with those issues. I’m not even talking about venting about a popular character you can’t stand: that has its place, though I’d argue that the place is probably not in the tag for that character. (I guarantee you, your “unpopular opinion” is never as unpopular as you think.)

I’m talking about misogyny. The same tired, rehashed, played out bullshit woman-hating that has existed in fandoms, so many fandoms, for at least the 25+ years that I’ve been active in them.

And that’s still what’s happening.

Many of the posts I’ve seen that fall under this category are expressing anger that one character or relationship or storyline or interpretation of canon is getting airtime, while another one, one they like better, is not. I’m not going to argue with anyone about that. You like what you like, and you're entitled to be annoyed if you don't get it. But if your argument is sound, you should be able to make your point effectively without calling the character the grossest euphemism for vagina you can find, or speculating on the exact sex acts an actor had to do to keep her character popular.

Other posts I’ve seen are just absolute buckwild conspiracy theory nonsense. The only thing I have to say about that is, yikes. Get well soon.

Tumblr, like other social media platforms, recognizes that they get more engagement if people are forced to play in the same sandbox, which is why it probably feels like you're seeing a disproportionate number of hate posts. And anyone who writes for money on the internet knows that hate clicks are often the juiciest clicks, and so they will write articles and listicles and polls with titles and subjects designed to get your blood up. It’s become increasingly difficult to avoid seeing other people’s ridiculous opinions. But that’s still the strategy that I find best helps me enjoy fandom. 

So if “certain corners” of the fandom are not to your taste, anon, then my advice is this: block, blacklist, and just don’t engage. Don’t feed the trolls. Instead, put that energy into positive interactions. Make art. Comment on things you liked. Find your friends, and have conversations that inspire you and amuse you, instead of ones that make you angry and tired.

Thanks for the ask! Take care.

[eisforeidolon]

I am not sure how long you have been in the SPN fandom (I have only been in it for 3 years) but I was wondering has the infighting about which J is actually the better one always been a thing? I sometimes see some fans really hating on them for what seems like very petty reasons and projecting all kinds of jealously, codependence, and envious behavior especially onto Jensen. I love Jared but the way some Jared fans act like Jensen has or had some creepy obsession with him makes me wonder if this is something that has always been around or manifested more after the prequel situation.

It's been around 11 years for me, being properly in the fandom. I binged the series just in time to catch the start of season 8 airing real-time, and came to tumblr when I realized fanfic was not going to scratch the itch of sharing speculation about what would happen next. So far as I'm aware, from personal observation and seeing people who've been around longer talking about the what the fandom was like? It's always been a thing to some extent, but the extent has varied a lot depending on when and what part of the fandom you're in.

The extreme Jensen stans - generally called Ackles Army (AAs) - have always been upfront and loud about hating Jared over anything and everything - almost literally to the point of insisting he's breathing wrong. They overlap a lot with hellers because of a generally shared desire to get Jared off SPN and away from Jensen, convinced he was in the way/holding Jensen back/throwing jealous tantrums to control Jensen and the show/whatthefuckever.

While some extreme Jared stans didn't bother to hide, a lot of them insisted they were totally fans of both prior to prequelgate and maybe some were - to an extent. For the most part they could blend in, because most of the time? Jensen and Jared were in pretty synchronous agreement - doing publicity together, agreeing the brother bond was the center of the show, not really doing a lot of other projects, etc. But over time, long before prequelgate, well it just always so happened that if either J got solo attention or there was some perceived difference? According to these supposed bibros, Jared was not capable of even considering making a bad decision ever, while nearly everything Jensen did alone was somehow embarrassing or suspect and supposedly reflected badly on him. They didn't necessarily want Jensen to go away, just know his place as the cheerleading subordinate. Of course now that Jensen and Jared are doing separate projects and attention for Jensen does not automatically mean attention to Jared, with the handy kickoff of prequelgate to claim extra totes legit justification over that misunderstanding they sorted out in a single phone call ... well, here we are.

By and large the AAs/hellers have always been more extreme - in terms of sheer quantity of assholes openly wishing not just failure but actual harm on Jared and sending death threats to him and other fans. But in terms of petty back and forth bullshit dragging the actors, these days they openly do a lot of the exact same nonsense: J is ugly! J is an alcoholic/druggie! J is a complete failure post-SPN! J is abusive to fave!J! J is obviously jealous of fave!J/trying to sabotage fave!J! J only did X because fave!J did Y so much better! Only fave!J was essential to the show, it was his character's story!

Both sides are constantly justifying themselves with the ol' OMG THEY STARTED IT! nonsense. Sure, the self-serving justifications differ just a little where the Jensen stans pretend to be amnesiac and blind to the really gross and reprehensible shit sent directly to Jared and basically everything the real Jensen says, while the Jared stans insist no one should object to anything they say because at least it's not wishing death on anybody (despite how much they lose their shit over even the petty nonsense when it's being directed at Jared). As if it's not obviously a constant back and forth of copycat stupid that has everything to do with each side trying to "prove" their personal superiority in being fans of The Better J by talking shit on the internet.

[wolfeyedwitch]

I bet Weapon will be very confused about getting anesthesia for the removal of that tracker! Will any of the team realize how confused they are?

Weapons Don't Weep, Part 10

So my plans changed from the original "remove the tracker" to "it makes more sense to put the tracker somewhere it wouldn't be safe to remove, so let's fry that sucker instead." Have some angst and miscommunications.

CW: living weapon whumpee, internalized dehumanization, it as a pronoun, panic attacks, implied touch starved whumpee. Please let me know if I missed anything, or if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

Masterlist

---

The Weapon tried to sit still and think of nothing. It succeeded at only one of these tasks.

What were the terrorists planning? They said they were going to get rid of the tracker, but Command had always said that was impossible. And then they took not only radiographs, but a CT scan as well…

It wished it knew more about the scans than just how to best produce results. What were they looking for? 

No. No, no, no, it needed to stop these anomalous thoughts. They weren’t conducive to optimal functionality. It couldn’t predict the terrorists’ plans, and speculation only led to decreased efficacy of its biological system. It needed to stop, before it caused even more cortisol production. 

The Weapon turned its focus to breathing as evenly as possible and smoothing out its heart rate. 

After far too long and not nearly long enough, the leader and the doctor returned. 

“So,” the leader began. “Do you remember what we discussed earlier?”

“Yes, sir,” it said, voice a bare thread of sound. It was glad Command hadn’t heard it give such a paltry, feeble response to a question. 

A long moment passed. Was that not a good enough response? It had answered their question promptly, if quietly. It had been concise and not included anything more than asked of it. It knew better than to say anything other than what its handlers— no, these weren’t its handlers, but still. It knew better than to speak more than asked.

 One of the terrorists cleared his throat. The doctor picked up speaking where the leader had left off.

“Right,” he said. “As you recall, we said we were going to remove your tracker.”

“Yes, sir.” Non-negotiable, they had said. 

“The radiographs and CT scan were to give me a better idea of where exactly it is located,” he continued. “It’s in your right pleural space. That’s between your lung and ribs.”

The statement didn’t seem to require a response, so it remained silent.

“While Government has the resources to safely put a tracker in that location, I don’t have the resources to safely take it out.”

Oh. 

Oh. 

The Weapon’s chest was too tight. Its eyes filled with excess fluid even as it looked down to the floor. System malfunction. 

It’s trying to act human again. Make it cut that shit out.

So they were going to destroy it after all. That. That made more sense. Far more sense than the- the bullshit (the word was too crass and inaccurate for its reports, but it seemed appropriate for this situation) that they’d spouted off earlier. All the nonsensical things about giving it food and water and appropriate medical care. Like it was a person, not just a thing.

You aren’t human, darling. You’re a weapon. My weapon. And weapons don’t weep.

It was still malfunctioning, and it couldn’t make itself stop. Its breathing pattern was impeded by its chest refusing to expand properly. It bit its cheek viciously to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. 

The door opened with a clatter, and…

Was that the sound of wheels squeaking? 

“Weapon? What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

That was Chloe’s voice. So she was going to be here for its destruction as well. It didn’t look up as it swallowed hard.

“Nigel was just telling them what he’d told us, about not taking the tracker out,” said the leader.

“Did you tell them the other part?” Chloe asked, tone not holding anything close to the proper respect for her superior officers. 

“Not yet,” the doctor said, sounding… defensive? That couldn’t be right. It must be misinterpreting that. “I was getting there.”

“Well, maybe you should have started with that,” Chloe said back, tone even less respectful. Was she not worried at all about the discipline these infractions would incur? “Now they’re not exactly in the right mindframe to listen!” 

Footsteps came closer, then a figure came into its blurry vision. 

“Weapon? It’s Chloe.” Her voice was soft. “I’m going to kneel down in front of you now.”

She did as she said, and it moved its eyes to avoid hers.

“Can you look at me, please?”

Since when did anyone say please to their weapon? 

It did as she asked. Asked, not ordered. The difference was jarring. It still avoided her eyes, but now it could see the birthmark creeping up her neck and the freckles liberally dotting her skin.

“Thanks,” she said. She smiled, though the Weapon didn’t understand why. What about this situation warranted that expression? 

The expression seemed to fold in on itself, somehow. When she spoke, it seemed to be more to herself than to it. 

“Okay. Okay, I can do this. Normally I’d touch, or at least ask, but… yeah, no. Okay.” Her tone got louder. “Weapon, can you please tell me five things you see?”

It blinked. An observational exercise? Now? For what purpose? 

It complied, even if it didn’t understand why. It didn’t have to understand; it just had to obey. Its breath hitched as it said, “Freckles. Birthmark. Blonde hair. Earrings.” 

It was at this point that it realized it probably should include things about the room, not just Chloe. “Um. Floor.”

“That’s… that’s really good. Good job,” she said. “Now four things you hear.”

Its voice was steadier this time. “You speaking. The… air conditioning?” Everything was so faint compared to the sound of blood rushing in its ears. What else, what else? 

“You’re doing great. Don’t worry if you can’t get four, just… do your best,” Chloe said.

Of course it would do its best. It would never perform at less than peak efficacy. 

(Except when it did, when it malfunctioned, when it pretended to be— No. No, it wasn’t a person, and it wouldn’t try to pretend it was.)

“Electronics beeping,” it finally added. The noise was faint but audible.

She smiled again. “Yeah, I think three’s plenty. Well done.”

“Thank you? Sir.” It hastily added the proper form of address.

“Okay. So,” she said, “I’m glad you’re back with us. Let’s try this again, since Nigel didn’t break the news the best he could have.”

“My apologies, Weapon,” the doctor said. He even sounded like he meant it.

“First thing: we don’t want to hurt you,” Chloe said.

What?

“I should have made that clearer,” the doctor said. “I don’t often work with people in… difficult situations, so I wasn’t as sensitive as I should have been.”

What did people have to do with the situation? They were still talking about it, weren’t they?

“It’s like we said earlier,” the leader added. “Unless it’s necessary for the team’s safety, we aren’t going to do anything you don’t consent to. And even then, we will do our best to minimize any harm done to you.”

A quiet snort came from near the door.

Chloe turned towards the noise and said, “Shut the fuck up, Tyler.” Her voice was perfectly pleasant despite the harsh words. 

“I just think it’s funny, is all,” Tyler said. It hadn’t even realized he was in the room. “Minimizing harm.”

“This is neither the time nor the place,” the leader said. 

Chloe turned back to the Weapon. “Alright. So. The plan is that we’re going to disable the tracker rather than remove it, given that we can’t take it out safely.”

What?

“We had to get some equipment, which is why it took us longer to get here than Nigel and the boss,” she added. 

The following sequence of events were surreal. There was no way this was actually happening. There couldn’t be. There was no reason for the terrorists to explain their process to it. 

Chloe and her partner moved around the wheeled cart they’d brought in. (That explained the wheels squeaking, then.) They sifted through clunky electronic devices, so unlike what it was used to at the compound. They talked as they went. 

“That’s a bug sweeper,” Chloe said, gesturing to the device in the other terrorist’s hands. “Tyler’s gonna use it to find the frequency your tracker is on.”

“Got it,” he said.

Chloe peered over his shoulder at the device. “Yeesh, that's strong. Government wasn’t fucking around with this thing. Okay. Next step is we’re gonna use an EMP on it. It won’t touch you, and you shouldn’t feel anything other than…” She trailed off.

“Maybe a muscle twitch?” Tyler speculated. “Shouldn’t be anything, really.”

“Want me to use it on him to prove my point?” she asked.

It didn’t understand the question, and said so.

After an uncomfortable pause, Chloe said, “I’m just gonna take that as a yes. Doc, where can I use this without frying your tech?”

He pointed her to a section of the room. Chloe took Tyler’s arm and led the reluctant man to the area. 

“Now stand still and do your best to look pretty,” she said. She grabbed another device off the cart and held it almost directly over his ribs.

Tyler twitched and shook himself. “Okay, that was definitely not nothing. Jesus, that's weird. It didn’t hurt, but it definitely made the muscles sit up and pay attention.”

Then it was the Weapon’s turn to undergo the same process. Chloe set one hand on its shoulder as she aimed and fired the EMP. The warmth of it through its thin scrub top distracted the Weapon from its muscles clenching involuntarily.

Tyler brought the bug scanner over. “Nothing. The signal’s gone.”

And just like that, any chance it had of being rescued disappeared.

---

Taglist:

@ghostfacepepper, @kim-poce, @badluck990, @cupcakes-and-pain, @lonesome--hunter, @wits-and-wrongs, @neuro-whump, @winedark-whump @aswallowimprisoned, @rose-pinkie, @whumpy-writings, @whump-cravings, @secretwhumplair. @hobiisthesunfiteme, @whumpcreations, @myhusbandsasemni, @heart4brains @kixngiggles @neverthelass @extrabitterbrain @towerlesskey @ohnowhump @vickytokio @whumpinggrounds @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @extemporary-whump @pigeonwhumps @ifurd4d @aswallowimprisoned @the-magpiesystem

[jenyifer]

Pit Babe ep 4 initial reaction

Well I’m having fun at least lmao I’ve not found the ABO stuff too annoying. I’m pretending like it’s magic or something. People get magic powers it’s what happens 🙌🏻 I do like there hasn’t been a sexist divide in the show which is my main problem with abo I mean there are no women but you know what I mean. After struggling to watch cooking crush I was worried maybe I didn’t like BL anymore cause if offgun Neo my babies can be in a flop that makes me want to tear my eyes out then what else is there. HOWEVER pit babe brain rot is the exact kind of bullshit I need.

Anyways on to the photo review

Okay so they drunk drove quite a ways out of town. Great job boys.

I wish the flashback told us WHY WAY IS SO HUNG UP ON BABE. I mean sure I can understand having a little crush on your friend but for 10 years and using your mind powers to keep him single and a playboy? Lots of work for nothing.

Is it bad I kind of think Charlie hired the goons as a way to get back into Babe’s life? Wish I had been watching this ep by ep cause I would have speculated for a week. Last thing he says to Jeff is that he’ll fix it.

Such a grumpy boy. Okay so if everyone has super powers why does this man want babe again? I know supposedly he has super senses when he’s banged someone but anything else? Why does Tony want him so bad. How did he know Babe had these abilities as a kid? Babe wasn’t having sex as a kid I hope. Also for someone who doesn’t care about Charlie I think this confrontation has to do with the fact Charlie got hurt for Babe.

Honestly I’m surprised Way and Babe haven’t attacked Jeff before this tbh. So is Jeff Charlie’s little bro? I’m thinking that instead of senpai complex rn

So Tony’s other son body guard guy is going to get with Pete the Hot man I guess that’s okay. I don’t see the point in killing him that doesn’t make his money or deals go away so any other course of action seems nonsensical.

Okay BUT WHY IS CHARLIE AT THE RACE TRACK AT ALL BABE CLEARLY BROKE UP WITH HIM. Yes I want them back together but boy needs to learn boundaries

BONUS

Dear god of tumblr,

Let my next lesbian lover dress like the dark hair influencer boy (north maybe? Idk)

GAY-MEN

Love ya

Jenny

I still am just attracted to what that man wears every time!!!

[canonicallyobserving911]

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 13 is now available on AO3 - "Petty Eddie" and "Jealous Buck" make their comebacks.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 13 chapters completed: 363.1K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 13 of a conversation Buck and Eddie had with Connor.

___________

Eddie tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes as he tries to remind himself that he's been to therapy and that he's not as petty as he used to be.  But then he thinks fuck that because someone needs to tell this fucker the truth.  “Therapized Eddie” has left the building and “Petty Eddie” has entered the chat.

“Connor, why are you even here?” Eddie asks.

Connor leans back like he’s been slapped across the face.

With fierceness in his honey brown eyes, Eddie continues. “Did you come here to add insult to injury? Is that why you asked to see Buck? I mean let’s be real for a minute because Buck already knew your son wasn’t biologically related to him so what was the purpose of you asking him to come here today?”

He shakes his head in disbelief because he knew Connor was on that competitive bullshit and if he really thought he couldn’t get his wife pregnant, he should have gone to a damn sperm bank instead of roping Buck into his nonsensical fuckery. But now he’s here rubbing the fact that he was able to get his own wife pregnant into Buck’s face and Eddie’s not having it.

When Connor doesn’t respond, Eddie keeps talking. “Ah, I knew my suspicions about you were correct. Not only did you abandon your wife when you thought the baby was Buck’s but instead of you coming to find her and ask her to come home, you let her stay with Buck so he could clean up your fuck up. Then you left her here and asked Buck to talk to her for you.”

What else is Eddie going to say to Connor?👀

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-13 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[piandaoist]

Sometimes, I get stuck on Iroh's siege. Like, it spins in my head like a microwave plate. Weird, I know. After all these years, why am I still thinking about this bullshit siege?

I just… The walls of Ba Sing Se are made of stone, and they're in a kingdom filled with people who bend stone and dirt. It seems like the least viable option would be to attack these massive walls that your enemy's children can bend at you. Yet the Fire Nation kept "hammering away" at the Outer Wall as Azula put it. We can tie this nonsense 'strategy' into things like stupidity, hubris, greed, ambition, ego, the Fire Nation's unwavering belief in its own Exceptionalism despite all evidence to the contrary… And, let's be honest, there are a lot of real-life examples of people who are, frankly, just doing all kinds of stupid things for reasons rational people wouldn't understand. Personal reasons we aren't privy to, for example. Coercion and mental instability can also play a factor. Then there is the fact that some people truly believe they're smarter than the rest of us. But I don't want to speculate about the motives of every Fire Nation knob who tried to take down Ba Sing Se's Outer Wall because 'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'

For what it's worth, Iroh's motivations are both clear and uninteresting. He said he had a 'vision' of conquering Ba Sing Se. Which is…whatever. (Imagine you're the top general and you make all of your decisions based on Destiny.) I would have preferred canon give us something more interesting than 'destiny', but here we are. Who are we to dispute this claim from a guy who can see into the Spirit World? Not to mention, 'destiny' is one of ATLA's core themes. Personally, I always found it suspect how 'destiny' always seemed to line-up with ambition. It was Iroh's destiny to conquer/liberate Ba Sing Se (to further an agenda). It was Zuko's destiny to become Firelord (even if that meant he had to take down his own sister). Is destiny really on their side, or is it just bullshit Iroh was making up as he went along? Another discussion, another time, I suppose.

I'm more interested in the siege itself. How did Iroh ever get through the Outer Wall which, again, is made of easily-bendable earth? This next part is all speculation. No idea if any of this is covered in supplemental materials because I haven't been keeping up. But I needed to develop this for a story I'm not writing, so I have thoughts…

I think Iroh's siege was always meant to fail, just not in the way it happened. It was a trap. The planning went something like this…

A siege takes a lot of preparation--months, even years of planning. Logistically speaking, it requires moving around a lot of resources to get the resources and manpower ready for a huge push. There are a lot of moving parts. EK spies would have noticed things like resource reallocation, uncharacteristic troop movements, shipments of wood and other materials for the building of siege forts, a lot of weapons and artillery being moved to a specific location, maybe they'd gotten some inside intel… It's a bit of an undertaking to keep something like that a secret.

There's a good chance Iroh didn't know about the Dai Li presence in Ba Sing Se. Maybe he had an idea of some secret police in Ba Sing Se from some intel received decades earlier from some infiltration team, but he had no idea of their scope or reach. It's pretty clear they call the shots, not General How. How gets his walking orders from the head of the Dai Li, probably Long Feng. So, what happened? And why?

In the Five General's War Room, in Ba Sing Se, How confirms the intel that the Dragon of the West is going for the wall. A smart-ass makes a comment about how they should let Iroh's forces knock down parts of the wall and then they raise it like "Psych" until he gets tired and retreats. ;)

How looks at the general who always thinks he's the funniest guy in the room and says "Here's what we're gonna do. You're not gonna like it. We need you to take one for the team…"

A siege is probably one of the worst types of warfare. They often drag on for weeks, months, years… Resources are depleted and, if the enemy cuts your supply chain, you're looking at starvation and the rapid spread of disease as well as a shortfall of more men, weapons, ammo, and other materials. It's bad for morale because time erodes the men's resolve and frays their nerves. Iroh probably knows this but, you know, it's his destiny. Whatever. EK generals would know this, too; they're counting on it.

After six hundred days, due to various unpleasant circumstances, Iroh's army drops to an acceptable number of tired and broken men--a number the Dai Li is prepared to fight. Also, the Dai Li had to make it look like they were actually putting up a fight hence the timetable. But now it's time for the wall to come down.

The Fall Guy, General Funnyman, is there with his 'army', ready to surrender, giving Iroh his knife as a show of 'respect' for the unbeatable Dragon of the West. This gives Iroh's ego the boost it needs to convince himself that he can turn the tide in the siege. If, for a brief moment when Iroh's men were dropping like flies he questioned his destiny, that moment has now passed. He's within striking distance of his goal. The Inner Wall is literally within his sights, and an EK general is in his custody…

The remaining EK generals and several Dai Li have infiltrated Iroh's ranks. It isn't like Iroh knows the thousands of men under his command. How could he? And his command is in shambles, anyway. They're just running on desperation and hope at this point and no one is really looking at anyone else. They're all looking ahead, at this massive Inner Wall looming on the horizon, at the far end of a vast expanse of wide-open land.

All How and his handful of earthbenders needs to do is follow the last vestiges of Iroh's army inside the Outer Wall so they can close it behind, trapping Iroh's men between two walls. And those farms that maintain the land that feed the people inside of Ba Sing Se's wall and the structures built into the walls themselves are just crawling with eager earthbenders ready to take their pound of flesh from the Dragon's army. They can't wait to see the look on Iroh's face the moment he realizes it's a trap.

As Iroh is about the give the order to advance forward toward the Inner Wall, he gets word Lu Ten has died. You know the rest.

When Iroh abandons his siege, the commanders who are left realize they cannot take down the wall without him. Maybe some of them have figured out this is probably a trap? Others are doing the math on their losses thinking they just don't have the numbers or resources to mount a another siege on the Inner Wall? Maybe they think attempting to move across this landscape toward the Inner Wall is too great a risk? Some of them just probably want to go home. For whatever reasons, they retreat.

Iroh doesn't conquer Ba Sing Se and the Dai Li don't capture the Dragon of the west. Maybe the Dai Li capture Iroh's men, but they don't know where Iroh is because he just left… All that bloodshed and nobody got what they wanted.

Point is, things never go as planned. Life happens. Best laid plans, blah, blah, blah. Everybody just has to live with it. Everybody took huge risks with that engagement and thousands died and nobody came out ahead.

But at least General Funnyman got out alive. How was never gonna let anything happen to him even if he is super annoying.

Maybe when Iroh realizes how many Dai Li there are in Ba Sing Se, and of what the city is like, he realizes his siege was a trap. Maybe he realizes that Lu Ten's death saved his life.

[zurajanaizurakoda]

Katsura Biologist Post

I haven't finished a fic in forever but I wrote 1k words about Katsura and his constitution and how him being a genius politician is actually really smart and well supported by the story. This contains major spoilers for season 4 of Gintama.

Another headcanon I don’t think is true but really like is the idea that Elizabeth has been slipping various antidepressants and other medicines to Katsura the whole time and the day she chose space Adderall he drinks his tea as usual, goes to his office as usual, locks his door and doesn’t come out for three days.  No one knows what to do, but hell, it’s Zarump, who knows what he’s thinking?  And three days later he leaves his office and he doesn’t look any different from when he went in, and he drops about a ream of paper on his secretary's desk and announces he’s taking the rest of the week off.  And she thumbs through it listlessly and there’s writing on every single page, front and back, with no corrections, and she asks him what it is, and he replies, “It’s a constitution.  I was thinking we needed one,” and then he walks off.  And she reads a little bit and it’s absolutely incomprehensible to her, so she calls someone who deals with legal jargon and he starts reading it and it’s absolute nonsense and he thinks, “Zarump-san is playing a joke,” and he decides he’d better read it so he doesn’t get in trouble but he’s not looking forward to it…

…and a few pages in it’s like a magic eye poster and it clicks-

It’s brilliant.  Everything works, the jargon makes it sound like incomprehensible bullshit but if you cut away the red tape then you get a perfectly balanced constitution.  It won’t insult the Amanto, but it retains autonomy for Japanese citizens.  What looks like a tough policy on criminals hides plans to offer services to marginalized and unhoused people.  It promotes equality.  It has long term plans to help ease the populace into the more radical changes.  It provides relief to citizens whose lives were upended by the battle of Edo.  It shouldn’t work, and if you took out a single paragraph it would fall to pieces, but it works.

He calls an emergency meeting and all the heads of state get together and they can’t explain it but it solves all the problems that people had been trying to foist onto others for months.  None of them can believe that idiot came up with this.  Of course they’re going to put it into action, but they have innumerable questions.  They call Zurump’s villa and gets a servant who announces that he’s not taking calls right now, and turns the camera to show Katsura in Elizabeth footie pajamas in the middle of the day, watching a Korean drama on the theater TV, eating popcorn and explaining to Elizabeth that the real killer is the porter in the first scene that didn’t even get a face reveal.  He’s right but his logic is 100% unhinged speculation.  Elizabeth is hanging on every word like it’s a religious manifesto.  The servant informs them that he’s not taking calls for the rest of the week, not because he’s avoiding them but because it’s over and it never occurred to him that there would be questions because it addressed the issues.  

And they just shake their heads and are glad he’s on their side.

Like I don’t think he’s a savant (I do strongly believe he’s autistic, but that’s another post) but I do believe he’s normally the smartest and the dumbest person in the room.  And  I think the constitution is baffling on purpose because he didn’t want anyone to mess with it (for instance, less accepting officials can’t just cut out the equality because it’s woven into the constitution) but it’s also oblique because he does not think like other people think. 

And I think the series does establish that, strange as he is, he’s a great leader and a strategist, and he’s also very good at getting people to underestimate him.  Especially in the episode Zura, Sakamoto says the war would be lost without Katsura’s guidance.  The soldiers agree and even refer to him as the leader of the Joui 4 but it never occurred to them that he was strong because he likes to give the impression he’s not important.  He was a total dumbass when he got taken by Prince Hata in the end arc, but he also shows shrewd strategizing when he wants Hata to declare war and then flee.  He doesn’t want unnecessary loss of life, even when it’s not his men, and he rightly choses plans that are more destructive in terms of property damage if they result in less loss of life. He wants to buy time, and of course, he has 100% faith that Gintoki will take care of the mess on earth if they can just give him the time.  He didn’t become Prime Minister for power, he became PM because there was a need for someone to do a lot of thankless work and be hated for it.  I think he’s in his best element when he’s handling jobs that would drive other people crazy, because it’s the only thing that can occupy his mind enough to get him to focus.

Anyway, I could keep going forever, but if I don’t stop I will go forever.  It seems like a lot of people think that Katsura is just a silly character and  trying to assign meaning to his actions ruins that, but I think they can both be true. He’s a brilliant war hero with  a traumatic past and crippling PTSD (I actually think he has CPTSD because of the homelessness, but that’s also another post)  and he’s also a goofy dumbass who manages to get through life despite having no self awareness.  He’s both.  Get you a guy that can do both.

Anyway, just my personal views and not to be taken as my argument that these things are canon.

[transpersian]

That clip shows you entering a space you knew you weren’t welcomed. Your ex looked terrified to see you, and then you laughed at the distress you caused. That clip looked like an abuser trying to torment their victim in front of hundreds of onlookers.

Brittany and Courtney have both posted on Kiwi Farms. Both of them have admitted it. I don’t know why it’s “a new low” to bring up your friendship with Kiwi Farmers when it wasn’t hidden in the first place.

It’s too little too late to insist that people leave you know who alone. We all saw how you did nothing when Courtney posted about her sex life. We all saw how you did nothing about the speculation for weeks. The only reason you're bothering to respect her dignity now, is because you think there’s a chance she’ll come to the blogs. If this isn’t vindictive or malicious behavior, I don’t know what else is.

I love it when people try to dictate my truth to me.

Listen, people like them don't see any possibility of anyone else being right, and they spread that perspective to their followers. The fact that you can say with a straight face that I look like the abuser when I've got evidence to prove otherwise is pretty gross.

As for the KF thing, this is not a conversation that I'm going to entertain over anonymous asks. I'm not going to be pulled into some "gotcha" question to make it seem like I'm coming up with reasons that make it okay for people to use KF. I mean, did you see the transphobia in Courtney's earlier screenshots? People can change and grow. Poppy talks about this all the time and it's one of many things I agree with her on.

I don't agree with everything they've done, but I'm assuming that Poppy is more diligent about looking into people's backgrounds than I am before collaborating with them, so if they came knocking at my door I'd at least hear them out.

Because if we're talking about actual actions taken and people being forgiven for them, did you know that Poppy straight-up used an actual KF'er's drawings to dunk on Lily for a while? No?

Here's a screenshot of her old Twitter account from a video on her own channel.

That art right there, posted on their old Twitter channel account? That's by Shifty, a Farmer. Go ahead, ask her where she got that. I'll be here.

~~~~~~~~~~

And what do you mean "too little too late?" What do you think I am? 😂

Do you see how much intent you're projecting onto me? This is how it works. They get you to believe in the worst possible version of me so that every single thing I do is taken in bad faith. You can't imagine a scenario where I might be right or even have a slightly defensible position. You have no idea what I'm doing behind the scenes. You don't know the people I've reeled in or talked down.

While we would welcome her, the important part is that she and her (seemingly wonderful) other partner get safe and free from Poppy's manipulative bullshit. That's it.

They seem like nothing but lovely people, and I fully believe that she genuinely loves Poppy. I'm doing my best not to project because I know what it's like to be somewhat in her position, but this is a whole new level of horror and I feel for her.

What you don't seem to understand is that my goal is not to hurt Poppy and Zena. It's to hold them accountable for the actual harm they cause and hopefully prompting them to change their ways. They've refused to do so in private, so here we are.

And if they don't want to do that, then people need to know how they actually act if you get close to them. Otherwise you're endangering vulnerable queer people and letting them walk into a serial abuser's arms.

I don't have room to focus on catering to you people's bizarre attempts to take whatever route you can to invalidate me and stop people from seeing a word I have to say. I have more important things to focus on and there's no point trying to argue with you until I'm ready to show you more.

In the meantime, you can watch her Twitter and see how she composes herself in conflict. Like today. This might be seen as a one-off, but it's just a more extreme version of how she composes herself in private.

I hope you see the truth soon, friend, as so many others have. I'll be here when you do.

Until then, please take care.

[3416]

do you know if there's a timeline (ideally with sources) available anywhere detailing mitch's last contract negotiations? i didn't follow the leafs until a couple years after and seeing how quickly some pretty minor things ("looked upon as gods," all the times he's been torched for out of context/partial quotes, this whole security nonsense, etcetcetc) have been exaggerated into unforgiveable controversies in realtime makes me very curious how much of the relentless anger over his contract is rooted in actual reality vs people just clinging to the most uncharitable perspective possible to justify their weird obsessive hatred for him for like idk not taking a hometown discount and having a shitty dad lmao. like right after willy signed this year a leafs podcast (!!) guy tweeted about mitch wanting more than him and i still see replyguys using that as absolute Proof of his camp leaking to ~the media~ when it makes zero sense for that dude to be a legitimate source?? how much of what they repeat as the cold hard facts is an accurate assessment of what happened vs falling for "insiders" speculating on a hot topic to farm engagement from a super reactionary fanbase, ykwim?

i don't know of anything like that (although you may be tempting me to make one), but even trying to sort through some of the bullshit of that time, it's impossible to tell what's real and like you said, what people's Interpretations of things have just become canon in a whole bunch of other fans minds who are primed and ready to hate him anyway. just looking at their numbers, i'm sure mitch will want more than willy and i'm sure that's a reasonable demand considering the leafs know the stats too, lol.

i think darren dreger played a big part in leaking certain information, like the offer sheets w cbj and potentially mitch playing in switzerland. he also did a lot of 'well the leafs are going to need to over x amount', but if i'm so honest.... i've definitely seen that used even being a more recent fan for other players so LOL. regardless of what's true or not, those are all just tactics and mitch marner ended up signing a deal that the team offered him. to act like players and their agents have never in the history of the world threatened to leave is ridiculous bc that's exactly what negotiating IS and the dumbest ppl among us cannot comprehend that. mitch's negotations just were apparently very chaotic and public and his team wanted auston to be the comparable, so everyone always tries to say he DEMANDED matthews money but like...... did he get it. is he still here. does he still want to be here despite not making as much. like it's all just such stupid arguments. i mostly haven't done a lot of research about this because i don't want to have to wade through just hours and hours and layers and layers of bullshit on forums like reddit or twitter or targeted articles that journalists put out in anger. we're gonna have to experience it again this year, but i hope mitch's agent can just keep things under wraps.