#none of this matters but the depression is eating me alive today so I'm in a shit mood (trying to work myself out of it tho)

[izzy-b-hands]

Got all excited last night bc i saw a post from a mod on the gta o subreddit abt the Halloween update being set to drop today around 5 AM (backed up by at least two gaming websites that had stories also stating the same start time and date)

Went in today ready for Halloween and uh. Nothing lol

Checked the actual Rockstar website and there's no mention of it, just that RDR o is getting a Halloween update this week

If i was a betting man I'd start a pool on how late in the month it'll be by the time the gta Halloween drops lmao

(also a pool on how likely it is the mod is lying; as they continue to insist they have access to all the usual Halloween stuff in GTA o today and that everyone who doesn't must not know how to restart their game to see if that changes anything, or maybe they didn't click play on GTA but a different game in their library? Which is insulting af, especially to the guy with the flare that shows he's at a level so high in the game that i frankly didn't know existed, who called them out and asked if maybe they didn't get confused and thought gta and rdr were both getting the update at the same time. Person was nice abt it, just asked plainly and said it was ok if that was the case, but that it would be helpful for others to know. poor dude immediately got piled on by the mod for it but like. he's right lmao. if that's the case it's fine! mistakes happen! but stop insisting you have access to something seemingly no one else trying to play online does!)

[prostopaket]

OK, so I was always intrigued and interested by mental illnesses, and well psychology. So here is my little analysis on why q84 from the game hello charlotte has bpd !

First of let's list all the symptoms of bpd and then see if it fits her :

1. Threats of suicide or self-injury.

I think it fits her a LOT, since she threatened and even committed kind off a suicide! Charlotte or way more known as q84 is suicidal and depressed, there's no doubt in that. She even was read beat the shit of Charles, her creator, her God, her kind of a father just cuz he "revived " her.

• "I feel like shit."

• I get up in an instant.

• "What the hell, Charles?!"

• "Why the hell am I alive again?!"

• "But it was still you who brought me back, wasn't it?!"

• With horror, I notice the change in my voice's pitch. Something isn't right.

• "Oh god."

• "Whose vessel is this now?"

• "Please don't tell me it's Vincent's."

• "Fuck!"

• "Can't you just let me rest already?"

• "Why do you keep doing things like this?!"

• "Calm down? Calm down?!"

• "I want to die! God, I want to die!"

2. A pattern of unstable, intense relationships, such as believing someone is perfect one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel.

This also fits for her relationship with Charles, or way more know as c. Since she actually thought of him as a friend, and then the moment he gets in her way of dieing, she snaps and shouts at him.

• "Yeah, sure. Bet you're happy you got yourself a new meatsuit."

• "You should join me on the WSoc meeting next time. It'll be fun."

• "Charles has no friends!"

• "Hm. Valid point."

• "Okay you win."

• 3. Quick changes in how you see yourself. This includes shifting goals and values, as well as seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist.

This one is shown in her ego, and how much it matters for her to show herself off to people as a strong and independent person! She even "reads " books that would swoon anyone into thinking she's smart. But deep down inside she" knows "

Nobody likes her or that she has no friends.

• "I haven't read most of these books anyway."

• "But when I mention these titles, people think I'm smart."

• (Thank god we brainwashed him!)

• "Of course the tea was poisoned. I knew it."

• "Yeah, right. You hate me."

• "The tenants hate me."

• "They say they don't, but I know how it actually is."

• "Felix's afraid of me."

• "The others act like I don't exist."

• "Only Aiden is on my side, but he was brainwashed into it."

• ""Friendly"? Just what part of those nutcases is "friendly"?"

• "56 of my deaths in the House were their fault and only 23 of those cases were purely accidental."

• "But if I don't pick on them, they'll ignore me altogether."

4.Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality.

This one shows in the way she reacts to people of the home, they are actively trying to get her and that makes her paranoid from anything. To the point she knew her tea was poisoned which led to her death.

• "Most of these dolls look like me."

• "This one kinda resembles me."

• "To come think of it, I've never seen the faces of the corpses you're performing the experiments on."

5.Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, dangerous driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating, drug misuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.

This one is literally all the execution hours ! And of course the fact that she got on Bennetts nerves when he was "angry" and sober. This is also shown in her fight with scarlett in which she actively chooses to get the gods wish and die afterwards.

• Oh."

• "Someone's having a hard time."

• "But..."

• "...it's none of my business, is it."

• "Oh wait. Let me snap a photo."

• "Ka-chink!"

• "Aaaand done."

• Hi everyone!

• "Welcome to our daily program, the Execution Hour!"

• "Meet Girl B! For today's show only, she'll have the privilege of having a face!"

• "You must be wondering, "Who the hell is this?""

• ""This is the first time I've ever seen this character!"

• ""How the hell am I supposed to sympathize?""

• "And you're absolutely, totally RIGHT!"

• "Because this...is a total stranger!"

• "But...If I told you she did bad things, you'd believe me, right?"

• "If I told you to avoid her, you'd believe me, right?"

• "Nobody cares enough to check the facts anyway!"

• "That is why we're here right now."

• "Anyhow..."

• "She was chosen to be the guest in this week's episode by you, dear friends."

• "Today we'll be baking cookies!"

• "Hush. We're on TV. Manners, remember?"

• "Now them you need to preheat the oven to 180C."

• "But since we don't have an oven, we can use our guest's body as a substitute!"

• "Here I go!" <3"

• "This concludes our show!"

• "Stay white with us! Join White Society!"

• "Bennett? Are you dead?"

• "What a meanie!"

• "Oh, oh! Don't tell me you're going through withdrawal syndrome?"

• "So disgusting! Weren't you supposed to be a comic relief character? Where did that go?"

• "Oh! I know!"

• "It's all because of the regular soap intakes, isn't it?"

• "Anyone can be manically happy forever when they're braindead, right?"

• "Yeah, right. You hate me."

• "But, it doesn't really matter."

• "You can't kill me anyway."

• "Oh no! Bennett is so scary!"

• "Are those the kinds of jobs you do for dr Huxley?"

• "Yet, he failed to raise a mindless killing machine out of you."

6.Wide mood swings that last from a few hours to a few days.

This one's shown frequently all through out the game ! From her reaction to aiden to the talk with c, her near death with scarlett and her relationship with anri.

• "...ah."

• "Aiden! Hi! Hi!"

• "School, schmool~ Who cares!"

• "Play with me?"

• "Come on! Let's go arrange the food in the fridge or something. You love that stuff, don't you?"

• "It'll be fun!"

• "...Aiden?"

• "...oh."

• "Well, whatever."

• "Bye, Aiden."

• "Hey, dr Huxley."

• "What is the meaning of this?"

• "You left the door open yourself."

• "If you try to harm me, my soul data will get loaded into a new vessel."

• "And I'll be coming here again and again until I get an answer."

• "Hey. Don't change the subject."

• "What are you getting at?"

• "No, and I frankly don't care."

• "Does Felix know about this?"

• "Eugh. I didn't need to hear that part."

• "..."

• "I'm gonna tell him."

• "..."

• "I see, I see! You have it all arranged!"

• "Oh. So this is where you were hiding."

• "A panic attack, really?"

• "It's fine. Here, I'll pat your head, useless C."

• "Well. Sort of."

• "it hurts it hurts it hurts IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS "

7.Ongoing feelings of emptiness.

This symptom is so clearly seen in the scene when charlotte was talking about anri and how she met her !

• It was back then, when her skirt got stolen from her locker during PE class.

• By the girls sitting right here, no less.

• She had nothing to change into, so she had to wear her track shorts all day.

• Everyone was laughing at her.

• Seeing how helpless and embarrassed she was...

• I felt nothing.

• And didn't do anything.

• I left her alone, and now she's nothing more than an errand girl buying us coffee.

• That's all there is to it.

8. Inappropriate, strong anger, such as losing your temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting.

Is shown with Charles and everyone else ! Especially scarlett ! With whom she is really bitter and sarcastic, also it's really shown in her interactions with people from "home ".

• Eyler, what the actual hell?"

• Scarlett kicks my broken leg, causing me to arch my back in pain.

• "Gh...!!"

• "Why are you...doing this..."

• "...oh really? We're playing heroes and villains now?"

• "Oh, so she's the victim now?"

• "Alright, alright, I'll shut up."

• "But what..in the world... do you want to achieve by showing me all of this? Kh..."

• "Shut it, Eyler... you don't know anything about this...world...or the person you're talking to..."

• "Just whom are you protecting? A bunch of NPCs whose only line is a laugh track?"

• My Educational Program at School began.

• On Monday, I got laughed at in class.

• On Tuesday, my bag got stolen.

• On Wednesday, I got dunked into a toilet.

• On Thursday, I got assaulted in the changing room.

• On Friday, I was made to eat dirt.

• On Saturday, I decided.

• I will not give in.

• I will not become a victim.

• I will not get soaked in ugly colors.

• I will not become tainted.

• No matter what it takes, I will stay pure white.

• "Oh? What are we celebrating?"

• "Ah!"

• "I love surprises."

• "Mind pouring me a drink?"

• "Oh, you went so far as to frame my photo with black ribbons. My favorite color is white, you know?"

• "No, no, keep it."

• [slurp]

• "Truly delicious!"

• "Well then, I'll be off. Keep on partying!"

So yeah ! That kind the end of my little analysis! I hope ya liked it :) I sure would love to see your input in this !

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ TWO ROADS ❜

with Canche and Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 2k.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

“Please, don't do that. Let me go”. With both hands raised to the man, you tried to push him away.

“No”. He just said with a naughty smile drawn on his lips, before grabbing your wrists to lift you up over his shoulder like a heavy bag, walking to the main room of the house.

“Let me go!” You shouted stirring over him, until you felt your body falling down over the mattress.

Sitting up on your forearms, you blow into a rebellious tuft of hair in the middle of your face, frowning. You couldn't barely breathe because of the efforts, watching the man crawling above the bed.

“I swear I'm gonna kill you”.

“Will you?” He asked, twisting his neck slightly, pouncing on you to tickle you on both sides.

“Canche, stop!” You screamed between laughs, trying to catch his hands while he made himself some space between your legs.

“C'mon, five minutes more, princesa de los Mayas”. The mexican surrounded you with his strong arms, resting his face on your stomach.

“My father is gonna kill us, if he finds out”.

“Just five minutes more”. He begged almost in a whisper, closing his eyes.

“I hate you”. You growled rolling your eyes, pretending that you didn't want to spend some time more together.

“I'm glad to know that it's something reciprocated”. The Mayan muttered, moving some inches until reaching your lips.

Tangling your legs with his and placing your hands on his head, you deepened the kiss, keeping the slow pace but welcoming his tongue inside your mouth. Every time you were this close, he had the same effect on you like the first time, bristling your skin and needing for more. You could assure that he was so in love with you, as you were with him. And you would like to shout it to the rooftops. But that wasn't an option. Not for the moment, at least.

“I know that… you can't call me”. You said caressing his neck with one of your hands, using your nails to made him some sweet tickles. “But… two weeks is too much. Maybe… I don't know… a text, to know that you're okay”.

“I will try, mi amor. I swear it”. He replied with a low tone of voice, accommodating his head on the pillow. “And when I come back, we will disappear for some days. We can go to the beach, if you want”.

“Sounds good, yeah”. You nodded assorted on the way of his lips moving, totally spellbound hearing his voice.

The man took back his hands to undone the clasp of the fine gold chain, with a small medal of the Virgen de Guadalupe. Silent, and very focused on his new task, he placed it around your neck. You knew how much he loved that necklace, being a gift from his mother who passed away some years ago. Giving it to you meant more than anyone could imagine, and you would swear you were about to cry if he hasn't kissed you again.

You have never been a believer, but you started to pray every night for him, to keep him safe and alive. It has been two long weeks, with a trip that started in Southern Cali to Stockton and Oakland, continuing to Portland. And after that, back to Santo Padre. One of the trips more dangerous of Mayans history, with a shipment of AK-47, even if they were accompanied by some SOA charters. But the day of their return has come and, with it, all your men. At least, you know it when you see through the front window of your car all the bikes parked there. The first you find is your father's. Next to it, Canche's.

Almost jumping out from your seat, you run like never before to the inside of the clubhouse. But the situation that welcomes you is chaotic. You open the door on time to watch Bishop tackling your boyfriend. A storm of hits and kicks is around everywhere, while the other Mayans stare at you almost frowning. You don't need to be a genius to know what is happening. Grabbing Ibarra's gun, being aware that no one is going to stop the fight, you point at the roof to fire it. The bullet impacting on it, calls everyone's attention. The two men on the floor are breathing violently, blood on their faces and angry gestures. Then, you point at them.

“The next one throwing a punch, juro por la Virgen that I'm gonna shot his brain off”.

The men separate from each other, standing up over their feet and shaking their clothes.

“How much time have you been together?” Your father asks, cleaning a brief red thread flowing from his bottom lip. His eyes are filled with rage.

“Why does it matter, dad?”

“Because I asked you for one last thing, and you shitted on it”.

“Do you think I made it on purpose? That I chose it?”

“You betrayed me. And you lied to me”.

“For God's sake… Ain't gonna talk about it in front of all these men”.

“We don't have anything else to talk about. You already took a decision”.

You just nod, one time. Stretching your arm to Ibarra, you give him back his gun.

“Doing the same shit that your mother did”.

His whisper doesn't go unnoticed to your ears, taking a step ahead when he's about to unlock himself inside the Templo.

“You pushed mom away, just like you are doing with me. If you are alone, if you are losing the only people who really love you, it's because of you, padre. Because of your jealousy, because of your inflexibility, because of your egocentrism complex”.

Bishop doesn't turn, but suddenly stops his heavy feet.

“(Y/N), don't talk to your father like that”. Canche says, frowning at you.

“Truth fucks you up, right?” You say raising your chin. “Love doesn't mean to hurt, dad. And sometimes I feel that you stab my chest. That you suffocate me. I feel alone the whole time, and you don't really know what it feels like, because I'm always by your side. But you weren't for me when I needed you the most. So don't blame me for choosing a man who cares about me, without asking anything back, over you”.

It has been the worst weeks of your life. You were sure that you were suddenly and inevitably falling into a dark depression, when you realized that you haven't gone out of Canche's house since you came. Mostly, you are tucked in his bed, grabbing the pillow as strongly as you can, wetting it with your tormented tears. A prospect was accompanying you all the time that your boyfriend was away from your side.

“How is the kid?”

Taza gets up from his chair, before Canche can leave the Templo. He turns around crossing his arms over his chest.

“Who asks?”

No one replies.

“She isn't happy, if you wanna know it”. His eyes are on Bishop's. “She cries most of the day. Hardly eats anything. And I can't remember how her laugh sounds”.

Your boyfriend is about to continue his steps, but he stops again.

“And I had to take her to the hospital some days ago, because she has a panic attack”.

“Maybe if you di—”.

“Don't you dare to add me in your equation, Bishop. This is your fault, not mine. I care about her. I love her. And I want to spend my life with her. I'm not trying to steal your daughter from you. I'm not asking her to leave you. I was even about to delegate my position as Presidente, and ask for a change of charter to be close to her. To come to Santo Padre, so she wouldn't have to leave her family”. His voice sounds firmly, blunt. “You are losing your daughter because of you, not because of me”.

Canche doesn't want to waste more time, having a road of one hour and a half to his house. The only thing he wants right now is come back, be with you, and try to comfort your pain somehow. So he doesn't notice that the crew follows him to the outside, in the meantime that he reaches his motorcycle.

His way back home feels like an eternity, parking in front of the porch, and almost jumping out from the top of it. The prospect is waiting close to the door, shrugging his shoulders to let him know that nothing has changed. You heard the door getting opened, turning your head over the pillow, watching him coming into the room. You would like to smile, as every time you see him, but it's like if your brain doesn't send the order to your lips. Lying down and embracing you over the mattress, filling your face with a bunch of kisses.

“I've missed you, mi vida”. He whispers onto your lips, before caressing them. “I took a day off, so I will be here with you the whole time”.

You can't help but sink your face under his chin, letting him hold you tightly. That's the only moment you feel somewhat better, knowing that he's not going to kick out your ass. Knowing that he loves you unconditionally.

“How was him?” You whisper.

“Fucked like you”. He just replies, kissing your head. “But I know that he's going to come today, you will see. I know it”.

He wasn't wrong. Actually, Canche is never wrong. You suddenly wake up because of the loud roar of an engine. It's coming closer, accentuating over others behind it. The bed is empty, and the room is almost in darkness. Rubbing your eyes with your knuckles, you get up from the mattress, guiding your steps to the living room as soon as you hear your boyfriend greeting your father. Sticking your head out the corner of the hallway, your eyes find him before anyone else there. He looks like shit. His beard is longer, scruffy. The two black marks under his eyes tell you that he hasn't slept much more than you.

Canche moves his head in silence, indicating the crew to leave the house, so you would have some intimacy and time alone. Bishop takes a step ahead, trying to reach you, trying to say something. But he can't. Doubting, he walks a little closer. Slowly. Hoping that you don't turn him down. Raising a hand towards your left, he holds it to push you into his arms. Surrounding your body, he hugs you with that kind of love and warmth that only your father can transmit you. All the sadness and the pain has gone. The fear of losing him, inside your chest, isn't oppressing it anymore.

“I'm sorry”. He says in a whisper, tightening his grip around you.

“Me too…”

“You don't have to, because you were right. This is my fault, mi princesa”.

He pulls himself away from you, enough to find your reddened eyes, about to cry again.

“I know you have to leave the nest, but I'm not ready. And I will never be. But if you have to do it, I'm good knowing that Canche is by your side”.

Leaning, your father kisses your forehead, pressing his lips on it for some long seconds.

“Just let me take care of you tonight, please”.

You just nod in silence. You couldn't say ‘no’. You need him, you didn't know it could be this hard to live without him. It's not the same when he's on a trip, than when he's just away from you. Closing your arms around him, you hide your face on his chest, like you used to do when you were a child waking up from a nightmare.

“I will always love you, pa'. No matter who else is in my life. I will always love you more than anyone”.

“I know, princesa. I do. And I will always do it”.

[ahsxual]

Perfect Day

Pairing: Arthur Fleck x Reader

Summary: You and Arthur are excited for your first date, since it's an essencial key for your relationship.

Genre: Fluff

Warning: sexual harassment (literally one sentence, nothing too serious)

Word count: 2,7k

A/N: I don't know how to feel about this one... I wanted it to be romantic and cute, yet I feel this isn't enough to express my feelings for him... anyways, I really hope your opinion is different! :)

Gif Credits: @arthurflecc <33

Today is the day I will finally find true happiness, Arthur thought. Last day, you invited him to have dinner at your place, since none of you could afford an actual date, and that way you could spend some time alone. You work with him as female clown for a couple weeks now and that's where you met him: he, besides Gary, was the only one who's truly kind and respectful, not some jerk like Randall who would always make some unwanted comments on how pretty you are. With that, Arthur got the courage to defend you, a gesture you noticed and really appreciated. That's when you decided to invite him as a thank you gift for what he has done (and maybe because you thought he was really cute and a real gentleman).

To Arthur, that morning seemed brighter than any other he had lived: he could swear that the birds were singing to him, like it was a sign from nature and destiny telling everything was going to finally be ok... as long as he was by your side. This time, the sky wasn't covered by depressive and heavy gray clouds like every other day: instead, it was replaced by the sweet scalding yellow sun and the gorgeous shade of baby-blue. Even the stairs weren't painful to walk anymore and the runs to the bus weren't as stressed and tiring as they used to be. He came down the stairs bouncing with joy, like he was a kid who just got his favorite ice-cream flavor for free. People even looked at him awkwardly, but he couldn't care less. Nothing could ruin this day to him.

Once he entered Haha's, his heart started to beat way too fast once he realized he would see you in a matter of seconds. He couldn't wait any longer, so he quickly ran to the room of clowns, hoping for you to be the first thing he would lay his eyes on once he got there.

"Hi, Arthur!" you happily said as soon as you saw him, realizing that he had been standing there for a while, staring sweetly at you. However you didn't mind: you knew his intentions were utterly good.

"H-hi Y/n! You... you are very... b-beautiful today." he finally got the courage to praise you, to speak his mind out loud, even if he stuttered meanwhile. He was with his red waistcoat and pants, and a white social shirt, an outfit that suits him just perfectly.

"Oh, thank you, you look really good too! And I'm glad you liked it, I want to look good for our tonight's date." you teased him, just to see his cheeks turn redder than they already were. You were with your date's outfit on, because you were planning to go home right after you left Haha's. You wanted to surprise him, however he arrived sooner than you expected, so you didn't have the time to change into your clown's work outfit.

"A date??" he seemed surprised for you considering your meeting an actually date.

"Yeah, sure. Don't you want to call it that way?"

"Yes!! I mean, i-if you want to..." he correct himself, after realizing he sounded too excited than he should.

"Ok, great! Can't wait for tonight." you said gladly, earning a sweet tooth wide smile from him.

"Me too Y/n, me too..." after sharing an intense and intimate exchange of glances, you decided to break the reconforting silence between you. That silence told and shared way more emotions than any possible spoken word, but you couldn't risk any other coworker complain about you two to Hoyt.

"Well, I'm going to get ready now. Talk to you later, ok?"

"Uh... sure." he understood, giving you once again a thin, shy smile.

You both did your work for the rest of the day, not wanting your secret love to interfere and prejudice your professional life. Both of you knew how demanding your boss could be, so you better not test his limits.

The day was finally near to its end, so you went to your locker to collect your belongings and then change into your clothes, before joining Arthur who was already waiting for you outside.

"Are you ready?" you asked once you got near him.

"Absolutely." he calmly, yet enthusiastic answered. You wanted to overcome your shyness, so you slowly interlocked your arms with his. You could tell that he was a little hesitant by the sudden affectionate gesture and seemed to paralyzed, looking intensely at the spot where your arms found each other.

"Arthur? Are you ok?" you were scared that you crossed the line without meaning it.

"Y-yeah! I'm sorry, I'm just... not used to being touched..." he got upset, remembering how miserable and lonely his life was... but not anymore. That's the past, and now you are more then willing to change radically his and your future as well, putting all that suffering and intense pain far far away behind him.

"It's ok Art, you are safe with me, I promise you that. But if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, please let me know." before your lovely night started, you needed to make sure that he would be comfortable: you wouldn't forgive yourself if anything bad happened to the man who supported you and made you feel like the only beautiful woman alive, and you being the responsible for it.

"Thank you, Y/n. That's really nice of you... I really appreciate that." he made that sweet stare towards you, one that makes you melt right away every time.

"Come on Art, my stomach is already complaining." he happily laughed, and you acknowledged his smile.

When you arrived home, it was impossible for you not to notice: he was quiet, yet so observant with everything: sometimes he would even touch so softly your belongings, and you would just smile, feeling nothing but comfort and acceptance. How can anyone consider me as someone so essential and special in their lives?, you deeply thought. But that's just how Arthur was: he always manages to feel like it's only you and him against the world, the rest being irrelevant.

"What do you want to eat? I can make your favorite plate... or at least I can try." you softly laughed, feeling a little nervous by your kitchen skills. You really wanted to impress Arthur... especially on your first of many dates. He then looked at you with wide eyes, swallowing his dry throat from growing anxiety. "What's the matter? Did I do anything wrong?" you started to get even more nervous than you already were, now being you having your mouth and throat dry.

"No, no, you didn't do anything wrong! I-I just..." he paused for a moment, not being able to look at you since he felt very ashamed. "I'm not hungry... I'm sorry..." he said slowly with a low voice, derived from his embarrassment.

"Oh..." you felt a little sad if you were honest: you bought a bunch of food so he could choose freely what he wanted to eat and make this day special by making him a surprise... but you couldn't blame him: you knew about the secondary effects from the meds he takes, the lack of hunger being one of them. "It's fine, don't worry about it." you tried to relax him, which you did since he offered you a kind smile right after, just like his big, yet fragile heart. You tried to think of something else: you couldn't miss this opportunity to be with him, both of you being so busy with your lives that the time you spend together is absolutely rare and precious, being as valuable as gold, or diamonds, or even more. "I got an idea!" a cliche, yet romantic idea came to your mind. "What about... seeing a movie? Or a tv show that you really like? While eating popcorn, obviously." you winked at him.

"Sounds like fun." he smiled. "But... I-I never... ate popcorn. Never had the chance to try it..." he shyly said. You felt bad for him... in our childhood, it's the most delicious thing to eat, a sweet that brings us joy, happiness and even peace, for some. But now, him being in his middle 30's, how has he never eaten or at least tried it?

"Then seems like you're going to have this delicious experience with me instead!" you gently laughed, trying to make him more comfortable. This time he gave you a toothy grin, staring at you like he was in heaven and you were the only pure angel in it. You blushed at his staring, so you decided to look away and do the popcorns instead. "Make yourself at home! You can sit on the sofa if you want." you offered while pointing to the most comfortable furniture you had. He instantly obeyed you, sitting on it awkwardly since he was afraid of doing something wrong that could annoy you. Yup, that was definitely the last thing he wanted to do... mainly on this special day.

Once you finish the popcorn, you sat right next to him, being way closer than he expected. Not that he minded, no no, not at all, but he couldn't help but to shake unstoppably by the complex emotions he was feeling from the warm and soft human contact... from the most perfect human being in his eyes.

"Before we watch it, I want you to prove this delight first. But you have to close your eyes! It will taste better, I promise." you grabbed one popcorn kernel and signaled him to open his mouth. He instantly felt tenser and his frail heart started to beat furiously because of your gesture. If someone had told him when he first saw you, that he would come to your house and spend these moments with you, he would've laughed by the immense unlikelyhood. But here he is: in your house, with you. He shakingly opened his mouth, slowly closing his big ocean eyes right after. When he tasted it, it was like he was 7 again, living his lost happy childhood: it was sweet, crunchy and tasted like happiness, this feeling amplified with you by his side. "How is it?" you curiously asked while smiling by his reaction.

"This is so... wow." that's all he could say.

"You want more? This bowl can be just for you, I will do more for myself." the moment you got up, you felt your arm being gently, yet firmly grabbed.

"Wait!" he suddenly said, removing his hand from your arm right after, not wanting to scare you away. "I-I'd rather share them with you... i-if that's ok..." His shyness was something you could never be tired of: it's one of the words that describe him the best, making him look immensely cute to your eyes. You felt genuinely happy because he was making a move on you: as little or even insignificant that gesture was to everyone else, it meant the world to you.

"Sure, sharing is always better, right?" you shared a glare that spoke the untold love for each other, yet not unknown. "So... what do you want to see?" you finally asked.

"I don't know... maybe-" suddenly he noticed the tv, that was already on, presented the Murray Franklin show, catching immediately his attention. "Murray!!" once he saw it, it was like his shyness was never there: the carefree and excited Arthur who you never had the chance to meet, was now shown. You even felt jealous for a moment, seeing all his attention was now in the show.

"Oh, you like Murray? I watch him from time to time, the show is really funny." he turned his attention to you again, seeming surprised by your answer.

"You do...?" his grin shined even more once he discovered you had more things in common, one of them being something he admires and even considers as a dream, the main goal in his professional life.

"Of course! Who doesn't like to laugh and relax after a tiring day of work? Laughing is the best medicine for happiness." his smile broke, slowly decreasing into nothing. "I mean, when you really want to laugh, not when you have to." you remembered his condition, so you corrected yourself.

"I heard that my whole life, so I guess you're right..." he seemed mindful, looking and playing with his own worn hands. You gently grabbed his hand into yours.

"Don't worry Arthur, I'll make sure you really laugh, not just because you can't control it or because you forcely have to. I promise you... I will do my best to make you happy everyday." these moments and words were unforgettable to him. He couldn't see his life without you anymore: the only way he could be truly happy is by your side, the only way he could survive... is only by your side.

"Thank you, Y/n. I... I-I really enjoy these moments I spend with you. They're the only thing that make me feel happy and alive. You make me feel like... like I'm real and seen... and you have no idea how much that is important to me." you felt so proud of him for being able to speak from his mind and heart without hesitance, and utterly special for being the only one who entirely owned his trust.

"You don't need to thank me, Art. It's my pleasure to be with you, a man who's so kind and respectful like you. If others can't see it, it's not your fault. Like I use to say, it's their loss for not seeing someone so good in front of them. But I can see it... and we all only need the ones who really care about us in our lives, the rest is just the rest. They don't matter." now was your turn to speak the honest truth. He didn't have to say anything for you to understand how right and perfect he thought you were: it was like destiny was telling him to not let you escape... because you are his soulmate, his one and only person who came to this world with the purpose of filling him, to fill his heart with pure love, compassion and comprehension. "Oh, the show has already started!" both of you were so distracted or, should I say, so concentrated on each other, that you didn't even notice what was happening around you: the world always stops when you are together.

Once you decided to see the show, you shared the made popcorn and some laughs, Arthur always making sure you would laugh when he would. Every time Murray made a joke, Arthur looked at you, concentrated on your expressions while admiring your beauty. It was an incredible spent night: you laughed, ate popcorn together, supported each other... with time, you even hugged him softly, only for him to gladly return it, yet shyly, as predicted. If you two were honest, you would admit that you wanted so badly to share a sweet, passionate and meaningful first kiss... but that has to be preserved for your future dates, since the respect you have for one another it's incomparable to any other: you want things to happen naturally, without hurry, because what begins fast... ends quickly as well, and that's the last thing you want to happen, for sure.

This was the last piece of the puzzle that was needed to finally go forward your relationship: you belong to each other, like your hearts are attached and only function correctly when you are together, like the universe had and still has wonderful plans for you... and both of you are so glad to finally be able to be by your soulmate's side... forever.

[marshmallowprotection]

(part 1) Hey can I please get a match up? I'm an infp-t I do everything last minute (eg I study the night before) but I still somehow end up getting an A I LOVE animals my fav are dogs crows and bats I enjoy drinking tea and listening to music(I don't really have a preference)I'm a fashion freak and I have trust issues(even if I know someone for more than 6 years I always expect the worst from them and wouldn't be surprised if they end up hurting me) I really like being in the nature.

(part 2)I like thunderstorms & cloudy climate & I love the beach The most intimate moment I can spend with my s/o is taking a walk on the beach in late evening with the moonlight shining down upon us Im really into supernatural stuff & believe in the unknown.I overwork myself if I have a important exam I end up breaking down & I don't eat or sleep until the exams are over & end up looking like a skeleton if I don't do better than my friends I feel depressed and im quite harsh on myself

(part 3)Im a Leo,bi & I don't show my true feelings to other people I like writing poems & I don't express my feelings well even though I care for someone I'll never say it out loud I don't really like dating for fun (it's fine if other people like that it's just not my cup of tea) I would date a person who I'm actually going to marry in the future. I'm really sorry for such a long description🙏 & sorry that you had to read all of that😅 thank you so so so very much & I hope you have a good day

I match you with...

Jumin!

You’re someone that tends to push yourself to your limits just because that’s how you’ve always functioned. That doesn’t always mean that it’s easy to be you or to do what you’re doing, but you’ve gotten into a habit and once you’ve set up one of those it’s hard to turn around and change your mind on the subject, none the less. You’re passionate, and that’s something that not everyone can say in this world today. 

You like to feel a certain way and look a certain way, and it has to be in order or you feel a lack of control. If you hold the cards, then nothing bad or unexpected can happen and that’s your comfort zone. All that considered that is why you need a partner in your life that understands this fear and empathizes with it so much so that you never have to worry. Jumin can to in first because you sound like a really perceptive person and the little things matter to you. 

Jumin is no-nonsense kind of guy too, he wants to commit, but he’s not been able to find the right person given his status in life. That changes when you come around him and make him feel alive again. You’ve got a good heart and he can tell that you fret over everyone but yourself, so he’s going to be that person that puts you first and reminds you that you deserve a moment to be selfish and yourself. He will spoil you rotten if you let him, and he’ll be the first to make you take a break and just... breathe. 

You share many of his more niche hobbies, so that’s going to be exciting late at night! Spooky stories? Hell yeah. He would love nothing more than to enjoy an evening with you around the world if you’ll let him into your heart, just as he’s let you into his. 

[no-nipplesonlybunnies]

This is a photo of Germans carrying a very large wheelbarrow full of cash during the period slightly before the second world war.

Between the first world war, the 1918-1919 Spanish Flu epidemic, and very poor management of the financial markets the crash of '29 destroyed the world economy. Millions were forced from their homes, millions around the world starved to death as the supply chain was so deeply disrupted that even the little food available was often rotting in the fields because the farmers could not get it to markets.

The early 1930's in the United States saw the dust bowl era and the Great Depression come together to cause poverty and starvation here in the most wealthy nation in the world. People left the midwestern farming states and went to California, Oregon, Washington, and even Alaska to start over and try to survive, some did well, most did not, many died in abject poverty.

Now for those few who have followed me over from my previous tumblr, m2gmt, you'll will be asking yourself "what does this have to do with bunnies and nipples, or the lack thereof? " and I'm going to answer that question now.

If you are a young girl reading this you don't have the understanding of just how bad the Great Depression was, your grandparents weren't alive then, very likely your great grandparents were not either, mine were, they went through it trying to raise a family. Thankfully they were farmers, able to feed their own families with the food the grew, the animals they raised, and they made it through with only minor suffering. Many were not so fortunate, many died who should have lived had it not been for the economic and social distress of the period.

Those of you under 25, my main target audience right now, have the idea that the government is your savior, and you are so wrong as to be ludicrous in your assumptions. Government cannot save you, the government has no money it did not forcibly take from those who earned it. I don't want to hear a fucking word about how "everyone has to pay their fair share" you haven't earned a fair share of my money, nor have I earned a fair share of yours, or more to the point the fair share is exactly ZERO! Almost none of you would steal from another person, you know it is wrong, and you are good girls and not thieves, hiring the government to do it for you is the same as stealing it yourself, but here comes the bigger issue. Soon, very soon, the way the state governors are shutting down the economy in order to "flatten the curve" is going to mean there will be no money for governments to steal and give to you. In fact with over 15% of the normal GDP for 2020 already having been spent on the stimulus and corruption package passed by congress, we are already fucked, and the longer the economy stays shut down, the worse this will be, and it is just a matter of time before the stock markets all crash and burn. Currently the only thing keeping that from happening is the United States president, Donald Trump, and the left is trying as hard as it can to remove him. We aren't going to argue politics either, I am older and far more intelligent than you, and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

I listened to my grandmother and great grandmother telling stories from the depression, and my uncles and great aunt as well. The stories were often sad, but humorous, and told of a time when people did whatever was needed in order to survive. The girls looked for a strong man, a man who was not polished and wealthy, those men had girls already, but who could keep them safe and feed them. Some girls turned tricks for food, fucking strangers for milk and bread so their brothers and sisters could eat. Mothers who had lost their husbands in the Great War, WWI, often got with men who had sex with them and their daughter in order to have a home and food. Things were done and winked at because the situation was just that bad.

Right now, today, some of you are worried about your next meal, and with good reason, because you aren't sure where it will come from, and rightfully so. Many of you are soon going to lose your housing, some may already have done so, and still more will be in the same situation in a matter of weeks, no one is exempt.

It is about to get really interesting, and most of you have no clue as to how bad it will be. The boys your age are utterly useless on the best of days, now they are an absolute liability to you. The skinny jeans, manbun soy boys are incapable of taking care of you, and even though you may think you can take care of yourself, you can't. You will need a very different sort of man.

Me, I've seen battle on four continents before I was 21, speak multiple languages, can repair a diesel engine, kill and butcher cattle and game, routinely catch crab and fish, and even without a single dollar I can take care of a girl if I choose to. I'm one of the absolute most violent and dangerous men you'll ever meet, and yet I'm polite, well educated, and well read. I'm not Rambo or James Bond, but I'm no soy boy, and I damned sure don't have a man bun, those boys are, justifiably, terrified of me and those like me, we are the apex predators of the world, no bunnies unless you are talking about this kind.

(Yeah, I like Catshit 1, sue me)

So, what is this post about?

It's about you girls making the choice to be with a man who, in exchange for your sexual slavery to him, will take care of you during the coming instability and economic disaster. If you want to know more send me a PM and we can chat.

[thatoneallpowerfuldemon]

Time to torture more mobile users: Once taken place in a terribly dreadful time, there was a small cat-licking bird that lived on a not-so-big lane by my house whose name was Charles just like every other soul, male or female, that lived on my smelly, stinky, orange , old, rotten, messy, busted cul-de-sac between Belmont and Rose which are both awfully gay Streets Like North street or some shit that reminds me of a celebrity like Paris Hilton or some blonde loser that doesn't even know the capital of her own country, which is the United States of America aka: The U.S.A which is a pristine nation of beauty, opposing to a country as the country of Somalia and Belgium, a part of Europe, which doesn't even have a government, it's just in a complete state of anarchy just like my mind and soul which are both filled with outrageous nonsense that I'm typing down right now into some fat long sentence that probably makes no sense but who cares I'm trying to set some sort of weird record here like most ducks snorted or some weird thing like that and if I do set some sort of record I will be in the Guinness Book of chimkin nungets World Records (though anti-American and pro-European, a place of pitty and despair as Somalia is) which was always my dream because that book has a whole bunch a cool and weird stuff in it and I would Become famous and add to the weirdness of the book like some of their records which reminds me of the Rob & Big where Rob sets all of those skateboarding Records And Big Black eats bananas and donuts and three weeks later they both get plaques saying the record they set and I want to get one of those so that's why I'm writing all of this stuff down without ever using a period or some other sentence ending mark like an exclamation point or a question mark or any other symbol that could possibly end my streak of words that is really long now and would take me a while to count just like counting sheep which is supposed to put you to sleep but it really keeps you awake because you want to keep counting and counting until you don't know what comes after trillions, but that would take Years or something because it would take a while just to count a trillion seconds or minutes would be even worse just like how ducks are worse that geese because they are more aggressive around their young unlike great white sharks which are often eaten by their mothers when they are born and the ones who do make it out alive have no mother to teach them how to hunt or whatever because none of that matters because us human beings have mothers unless they die or run off with some CEO of a big company or someone else who makes a lot of money and then they leave you with your dad and you are jealous of your friends if you have any because they have moms and you don't because your mom was some greedy pig who wanted money but ended up only getting the money part and she bought drugs because she was depressed and ended up killing herself from an overdose and you wouldn't even know about it until you become some rich person and check the files somewhere and learn that she died of a overdose and you eyes get all teary and then you start crying because you know that you wouldn't be alive without that woman you called mom and I just found out right now that the longest sentence is like 10,000 words so I have a ways to go and you have to go with me so let's go to 6th gear and throw out some words like Emphysema which I had to do a report on in 4th grade because we had a ton of projects and this was the disease one and we chose diseases out of a hat and I came out with Emphysema which is a form of lung cancer which is 98% caused by smoking which reminds me of the way my dad describes smoking: "you get plant leaves, wrap them in paper, light it on fire and suck on it" which is normally a sentence but not today because I'm setting out on the quest for a long sentence that I'm typing up which reminds me of a story my grandpa told me about himself when he was "your age" about how they covered the letters on the type writers and they had to type so

that they could memorize where the letters are on a type writer and my grandpa says he will never regret taking that class because it helped him out a lot when it came to typing and now a days he is not bad a typing at all because He is almost as fast as me because I am a pretty fast typer and writing this article isn't taking very long and expect being pretty far pretty soon at the pace I'm going right now so there are going to be some serious records getting busted when I'm finally finished writing this article on this dumb website which will probably end up huffing this article even though it is fun-packed and joyful and keeps the reader reading when they use that excuse to mom saying "just one more sentence" but that sentence is 10,000 words long and still continuing to go at a reasonable pace and it is going to shatter most of those long sentence records just like how the chargers are going to shatter the most consecutive years without a super bowl win record and I doubt that they will win one in the near future but they patriots are going to win some serious super bowls because they are the best team ever even better than the cowboys or 49ers and no one cares a bout them so go patriots and boo chargers even though I live in San Diego and Like the Padres I hate the Chargers because they are bad and the padres are bad too but I don't care because they are my favorite team and the dodgers are my least favorite along with the Yankees because the Yankees get a lot of money to spend and the padres and marlins get almost nothing and then the Yankees buy a-rod for a lot and the Rays get almost no money but are still fighting for first place this season without expensive players like Derek Jeter or a-rod or Johnny Damon or whoever because they are an all around better team that can beat the Yankees even though the Yankees can beat the royals a lot who really suck because they suck more that the padres do and so do the mariners and Rockies even thought the Rockies went to the world series last year they lost and haven't stopped losing for a while now, either and they are last place in the NL west and that is where the padres used to be but they started hitting home runs and winning games and are dong pretty good right now despite having little offense except for Adrian Gonzalez who is leading the NL in RBI's even though he is on the team who scores the least runs in the league but they are not last in homeruns though they are like 5 away or something but I’m not sure so screw that and let's talk about something fun like water or food or dirt or something but I think food is the best because their is a lot of things to talk about with food like you r favorite food which mine happens to be some spicy burrito form Chipotle mexican grill and it is very good just like this macaroni my mom made one time that had bread crumbs on top and it was very good like all of the food they serve on top chef which I wish I could be a judge for because they have a lot of good food on that show and it makes my mouth water whenever I watch it and that is why I watch it because the food is totally awesome and sometimes I hate the people but they end up getting eliminated like the Dance crews in France's Best Dance Crew which is a great show and you should watch it because people do good dancing like the JFrabbawockeez because they won the first season and they are very good just like supreme soul and So real crew and phresh select and super cr3w and I’m only at 1500 words right now so I have to write some serious stuff like a life biography about myself and anything I’ve ever done which includes going to big bear to ski, fishing, breathing, swimming, going, farting, eating, sleeping and a whole lot more stuff which reminds me of 4th grade again when my teacher was debating with the class whether "a lot" was one or two words and all of the kids including myself said one while the teacher said two and he was right and we were wrong but no one cared because we all had fun arguing about and I have fun arguing with my friends about football and not

baseball because in baseball we all like the same team but in football I like the patriots and my friends like the chargers and the 49ers and the eagles and the saints but my team always woops their team's ass and they say that the patriots "cheat" and that's how they won even though the patriots just pwned their team and they suck and my team is good but we all agree when it comes to baseball because we all like the padres and we never really argue over anything in baseball which is my favorite sport and I play it and I am good a it and I want it to be my profession but I doubt that that will happen so my backup plan is being a cop because you get all of the benefits and you get paid after you retire which is good news and I would also like to be some government dude or something like that because they get the benefits too so it would be cool to work for the government which reminds me that my principal worked at the white house and taught the president email because he was the computer guy or something like that so h knows a whole bunch of computer crap like my dad and he is fat too so everyone makes fun of him and I think he huffs kittens too but I am not sure and about that and what the hell is up with all the noob and kitten huffing on this gay ass website like all of the things like "the writer may have been huffing kittens" and stuff like that it really annoys the hell out of me just like other things such as when people clip their finger nails it makes that weird noise that get me all crazy and I hate it just like how me friend hates the sound of chalk on a chalkboard which I find soothing and relaxing but he gets really annoyed and psyched out and he is also very pale-skinned and so is the rest of his family so it must have been some genetic thing like twins and clones and whole bunch of other confusing science crap that I learned a long time ago in 7th grade or something which was when we watched movies in class like UHF which has "Weird Al" Yankovic in it and it is very funny because "Weird Al" Yankovic has to save a TV station with a whole bunch of weird shows like wheel of fish and rauls wild kingdom with a whole bunch of cool animals like flamingos and turtles and stuff like that but who cares lets get to the meaty part of this article which is the part where I write the longest word known to man which is Methionylthreonylthreonyl...isoleucine which is cut out because it has 189,819 words so Wikipedia had to cut out the middle part and the longest word is the name of a protein which is the largest known to man to so big names go to big things is apparently the moral of this story ladies and gentleman the road doesn't stop here and I have to continue no matter what you say or think so I should just write some story now that has no periods so lets start with a guy named Carl who liked fish and women and he went to Clara’s house and they had a good food but that isn't enough of a story to set the record so I think I’ll just stick to writing random crap which really makes no sense at all and here is some random picture that shows a guy who has two legs and another guy who has three who is mocking the guy with two legs because he rips his flesh in disgust every night and you think about who would be dumb enough to rip their flesh instead of cut the ring off or something that doesn't involve entirely gruesome crap like that and I have another life after this one just like how cats have 9 lives I have three because I’m on my second one right now and it is great and you might think I’m a whole new person but you are thinking wrong it's just when I died I came back t life and next time I die I’ll come back to life again and then when I die I’ll be dead for sure which reminds me of Stephen king's book called pet sematary which is coo because people come back to life because there was a burial ground that bring people back to life if they are dead and that book is a great book and you should read it along with the Harry Potter series which has magic in it and it is cool too so don't shank yourself when you are

cutting that meat for dinner or you might die of massive blood loss or might just need a band aid I mean that works too or you don't even need a band aid because I don't use them and I have never gotten and infection in my life so maybe I’m lucky or have an alligator immune system or something but I don't use band aids and I don't use Neosporin on my cuts so I’m some sort of miracle I guess but I’m wasting twenty minutes of my miracle life on this retard article that I just want the Guinness book of world records to see and go that is the longest thing ever and have me in their book so I’m striving towards that goal right now and I’m not stopping until I hit at least 3000 words and then I’ll do the construction thing and finish thing up tomorrow or sometime after now and I will be the author of the longest single sentence on the planet earth which will be a real accomplishment on my part so you can be real jealous right now because I am making history right in front of you and if you are still reading this I am truly impressed because this article must be getting really boring by now and maybe your not even reading this just scanning the article for periods which I’m afraid you will not find until the very end of this article which is a very, very, long way away and if you are a slow reader well sucks for you but now I have to use that construction thing and I will finish this and now I am back after a hard day at work but I’m still going now so get ready to rumble with this long thing called a sentence that is as long as Mt. Everest is tall and the Marinas Trench is deep and speaking of the ocean fish of all kinds live in the ocean such as puffer fish which are poisonous to eat if not prepared right and will make you die after and you ADMINS BETTER NOT DELETE THIS BECAUSE IT IS SOME RECORD and if you do delete it well I will have this saved and what will you do then you people who will want to delete this because you don't care about people trying to break records so don't delete this or I will boycott Uncyclopedia and will be very mad at you guys like how I am Mad at Tim for being so annoying just like Celebrities and loud people and people who don't brush their teeth which makes me think of killing myself except I wouldn't do that because I am some sort of miracle as you probably read before or not because you are tired of reading this jumble of words that are still making a grammatically correct sentence that is breaking records right now and I won't stop until you let me break some serious records like longest sentence and some other weird stuff that I might get an award for or something but I also want that Guinness record plaque that you get for setting a monster record like most consecutive noses picked with boogers in them or something completely obscure like that which is like a bunch of the articles on this website which are actually some times funny like how to solve a one by one by one Rubik’s cube which made me laugh pretty good and the star wars one is good too so never delete those two because they are funny unlike this article because this article is more boring than funny but who cares some retard might laugh at this bundle of crap and I think that I will put that crap tag on this article so people know that this article isn't really funny but that it is long and boring like Dances with Wolves and some other long movies that you actually fall asleep during which is hard for me to do so I tend not to nut I did when I watched Dances with Wolves because it was really boring like counting sheep to a trillion or some other large number that some little kid says he wishes he had that many dollars but he will never get that many dollars because there isn't even that many in circulation right now and if there was that would be some major inflation right there so don't think you can get that much money kid because then you would not be doing this country a favor which it desperately needs I might add so instead burn money instead of make it and lower inflation rates and do everyone a favor except for the

people who are already really rich and don't care about inflation and would rather drive an escalade instead of a Prius in times like this with all of the gas prices and stuff that would drive up your bill but they don't notice because they have a lot of money and don't care therefore they should die and burn in hell with all of the lawyers and other bad people on this ball we call earth that really isn't a perfect sphere because of the mountains and valleys makes it look all jagged but from space it looks like a sphere but looks may be deceiving so don't think that the world is a sphere no matter what other people say and tell them to eat themselves when they try to convince you that the earth is really a sphere but it isn't just like how most ignorant people think that Columbus found America but he really didn't that was Leif Erickson, but Columbus really found the Bahamas thinking they were penis outside of china and he was wrong so everyone forget Columbus and remember some other sailor like Henry Hudson who tried to find the northern passage but didn't so his crew killed him but a he was a great man any way so remember him instead of Columbus or remember William Penn who created Pennsylvania or remember your grandma or someone but not Columbus so go ahead and think that the earth is flat even though it isn't and it can have for corners if you think about it so go die and fall off a cliff or something interesting like that or at least get a life that want’ to penis e a cool record like the one I'm setting right now so go to a pawnshop and buy a life or kill yourself and get a new one or something weird like that or I will force you to and if you are still reading this you are an amazing human because I forget most of the stuff I’ve written already except for the great white shark thing at the beginning of the article and I remember that I need to go see some good movies tomorrow or sometime in the near future like within a week or something but forget that I'm only at 3500 words now so lets go to 4000 penis and then maybe I’ll call it quits because this is boring and I would rather write another article that is good and long but not all one sentence like this one so let's come up with some final five hundred words or so to say before I stop writing all of the nonsense so let's brainstorm ideas like poo, ducks, lemons, flanges, more ducks and star wars which sound about like enough and I like star wars out of there so let's talk about some penis star wars stuff like Kit Fisto who has weird tentacle things on his head and Ki-Adi-Mundi who has two brains and is on the Jedi which is penis honor and privilege because it is and Kit Fisto gets killed by Palpatine in the 3rd movie like Mace Windu who is cool and I like his light saber because it is purple unlike the standard blue and green colors which I prefer green out of but most people seem to like the blue colors but who cares about them they like blue and green is better so you better not like blue or you are some lame person that will be lame for the rest of your life like some people who think that they are cool but are really posers and they live their life not knowing that they are continually mocked and made fun of all of the time behind their backs and that they are really dumb or something so go out and tell all of the posers you know to not be posers anymore and tell them that they should go jump in a lake or something insulting like that and make them run and cry and you can laugh at them and hope they don't tell their mom who will be mad at you so maybe you shouldn't even do that you should just laugh at them behind their backs while they live the poser life and I'm near 4000 words now so let me slow down now yeah I have about a hundred words left so let me write down the exact amount before I stop writing so let me finish this thing up by talking about donuts and their fried goodness and how they make you fat and stuff but they do taste good so you should eat them because they are good and they taste good even though you could get fat but no one cares so

eat them and be happy and I am starting to near 4000 now so just be a bit patient and this has been fun guys so let me finish right about, where you should wait for it, and wait, 'till right about, where we are almost there, having just two more for that you should wait, while this actually isn’t going to stop because I want this to keep going for a little while longer so that I can still break some record but man am I tired so I think I will actually shut up now, nope this has to continue forever and will continue for years and then a Bert killed the 3-legged guy and ate his orange while pooping and then I shall say the bird's name is "a bird who walked across the street killed a guy with a Minecraft nose and stuff. Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.You guys probably think that that is the worlds longest sentence, but it's not,because I just keep on adding commas, and it's pretty easy, if you think about it, so anyway there is this girl at school and she's my friend, and all but she's turning really mean, its a different person, and I'm trying to beat the record, but that girl, who likes this boy, who likes this girl, and who likes this other boy, and that same kid likes this other girl, but that girl like another guy, but the guy is actually a 40 year old man that eats penis for a living for the ability to never show the meerkats who's doing the write things oh and my last remark is that socialism does not work because look at Europe and Greece which is failing miserably; America always wins, there is no doubt about America's beauty, Amen and I just made it longer, and longer still as I continue to talk and talk and talk and talk throughout this, though I believe it would be referred to more as typing, so I will continue to type and type and type and type and type until I grow bored of it, and I have so I will take my leave soon, but not before I say that I somehow managed to make this already super long sentence longer, so HALLELUJAH, but we are not done yet everything I just said IS NOT RELEVANT to daily life, if you read this all you have no life, did u mention I like waffles and pancakes and people and gay marriage. This is a hell of a sentence peeps. What ever the man did the child would not wake up from the bullet that entered his head and he woke up again to find himself in heaven and then he felt fire and it was hot very hot very hot very hot very hot very hot but then he said "so" and he was alive again, alive, alive, alive, alive and then he flew like a bird and he looked in the mirror and saw his wings and his beak and his legs he was a bird like wow like what like wow like what that's so cool but then a dragon came and saved the bird and turned him into a princess and he had to live with the dragons and it was so boring and like who wrote this, who has the time to do this, because I obviously don't, and many other people don't, such as the president, CEO's of companies, terrorists, workers, kids, parents, adults, and many other people, but who even gives a fuck about what we're doing, because this is all bullshit. yeet yeet ass haircut goobly gooobly spongebob asspants

⚠️ ROAD WORK AHEAD ⚠️

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________________ SPEEDING FINES DOUBLED WHEN WORKERS PRESENT —————————

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⚠️ ROAD WORK 500FT ⚠️

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🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧

        🚚 🚚                  🔩             웃  🧰   🕳️   🪚웃       웃📋     웃    웃 🛠️       🔨웃               🏗️  🕳️                 웃   웃 🔧                                                     🚚 🔩      🔩                      🔩                             

🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧

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⚠️ END ROAD WORK ⚠️

[netizensdiary]

Monday - 13 December - 2021

Well, to be precise I'm writing this at 12:20AM so it's the 14th but hey, it's still today for me. Weird how this works right? It should be tomorrow yet I still feel like the day is not over. If I go to bed now instead of writing this journal then tomorrow will come, I'll wake up in the morning, get dressed and start up a brand new day, only, I don't want to. Yet.

I'm scared of tomorrow, I'm scared that one night I might just go to bed and never wake up again. I'm scared of death, I'm scared of not knowing what happens next, I'm scared of waking up one day only to see eternal darkness. As an agnostic I don't believe in heaven or hell or reincarnation or spirits or anything, I'd love to but I just can't find reason in believing that there's someone out there judging all the decisions I've made in my life just to throw me to some random place after I die based on my entire life. I mean, think about it. There are tons and tons of not only humans but beings in general, bugs, animals, extraterrestrials, there is life all around us, why would someone judge me in specific? Or you in specific? It just doesn't make much sense in my tiny little head. Sorry I'm rambling, this is not what the day was about, well sort of.

Today marks the day that I decided to close myself again from others for the 3rd time and live life alone for a while, how while that is I am not sure yet. I don't know why I'm doing this again, I don't know why I'm willing to lose everyone again, maybe I feel like I'll gain some new insight by doing this? I don't know. I thought I was doing better, here I was getting a job, talking to people daily, getting out of my comfort zone constantly, I thought I was healing myself, thought that my anxiety, stress and depression would finally be healed and I'd be normal again.

What is normal? Are you normal if you have a lot of money? Are you normal if you have a big friend group? Are you normal if you're outgoing and fun? Are you normal if you don't suffer from any mental illness? Are you normal if you don't suffer from any illness? I'm none of that. Am I abnormal? Am I okay?

I don't know.

For some time now I've felt that maybe living a monotonous life wouldn't be so bad, get a decent job, maybe start a family and eventually live out a long life till my death. But then I realized that by doing that, I would disappear. What's the point of being alive for all these years if no one will remember me after I'm gone? Eventually the friends I've made throughout my lifetime will also die and wither away, so will my family and the family of my family and so on. If everyone that knew me is gone, then did I ever exist? I exist right now because I have others who validate my existence but can I say the same in 10 years from now? Or 20? Will I even wake up tomorrow?

It scares me. I want to leave a mark in this world. I want to be remembered, I want my existence to be validated. I don't want to be forgotten.

But what does it matter right? I mean, I won't be here to see it happen so what's the point.

I don't know what's the point.

It just feels bad not trying to do that.

I went to work today with a terrible headache and it never really went away, at some point I was feeling a bit disoriented as well, as I was struggling with all my thoughts I also had to deal with stubborn customers and that didn't help my situation, I also noticed that I haven't been eating lately, at least not a lot. For some reason when I look at food I lose my apatite. My stomach will be in a world of pain due to hunger and the moment I lay my eyes on a plate or a snack or anything with the intention of eating I just, stop. I know what this is, I know. I just don't want to accept it.

Back to social media, I still don't know why I'm staying away from everything. I might just revert my decision tomorrow, or maybe the day after tomorrow. I thought formulating my thoughts on a piece of paper, or in this case a word processor, I'd be able to understand myself better. I still don't have an answer though. I know I can't fight these feelings alone. I'm scared of pushing others away with my issues. I don't want to trouble anyone else but myself.

Maybe that will be my downfall.

[sadgirlzforever]

It’s 3 am. The night is dead, everyone is asleep, yet I'm still awake.

     There’s a lot to think about in this moment. Right now, I was considering writing all of what I feel in a journal, but I just can't help to think that my feelings need to be out there. Keeping things to myself eventually builds up in me and it becomes this painful, aching thought that i never seem to get out of my head. 

     Sometimes I fathom that no one truly listens to me. No matter what I do, the continuous efforts of wanting help, but receiving almost nothing in hand, it feels like maybe I’m just bitching about it more than having someone listen and give insight. Or maybe that I'm blind to reality. I have this habit, rather, anxiety and fear that in the end no one is truly there for me. Even though I know and acknowledge people that care about me are in my life, it seems as if they really try their best into avoiding me, so that they don’t have to listen to my sad life.

     The truth is, maybe I haven't been blind to reality, but rather I've been blind to everyone who loves me. Maybe I really don’t want to listen to the truth, to their feelings about me and what I do. But hearing my significant other cry and say how they deeply and genuinely fear losing me, it’s something that makes all of my senses disappear. hearing him cry, It’s like I felt everything of him. His mind, his soul.. But I realized, I am human.

     This whole life I've had, full of sadness, trauma, anger, fear; I had truly realized only recently that this is my only time of being alive. I’ve spent these years being afraid that I haven't been living it up to the best, and I haven’t. This harsh depression ate at me, it made me fall into using drugs, abusing alcohol, an eating disorder, I self harmed, and it drove me to suicide. I survived by luck. and seeing who I am today, who I have in my life, I can say for once I am actually grateful. I’m happy to be alive with the ones I love. 

     I've also fallen in love with someone... and I don’t want to fall out of it. Everything about him is why I’m still alive. Just when I was about to lose hope in myself and life, I met him, and I knew instantly that he was going to be someone in my life. Unlike my previous relationships, he was the one I could open up to. With him, I could be myself, and he stayed through my roughest times. He truly understood me, and I understand him.

     If I had the chance to change anything in my life, I would throw it away. After seeing what I have now, what I've become for the better, I wouldn’t want to change anything at all. Because one simple thing makes everything change. I could’ve never met any of my friends. None of these amazing things in my life could have happened. 

     I think this is what happiness is. Knowing you have people who love you, and will be there for you when you need a pick-me-up. 

It feels relaxing.

[alittlecrazyalwayshazy-blog]

My mom just called to ask me what I'm doing. Told her I was cleaning the house because my anxiety and depression have been bad the last few months and it feels like its getting worse. Busy hands sometimes help to calm my busy mind. She paused, said "oh no, have you made an appointment with the Dr?" I explained that with my shitty insurance I'm on a waiting list and thats all I can do. (They also said if I need assistance immediately go to the ER...gee thanks) She kept quiet for maybe 4 seconds and said "well that's terrible, I guess you can only wait" and changed the subject to ask me expiration dates on things and if she should keep or toss them and had to get off the phone... I know it's hard to hear me struggle but guess what it's even harder for me to tell somone. I'm drowning and everytime I open up I get shut down, interrupted or told I have no reason to be depressed and that I just need to eat something, pray, take a nap and I'll feel better tomorrow. Guess what I've been waiting for that "tomorrow" every single day for the last few years and it hasn't come. I'm done telling people. I'm done being the strong one and letting everyone lean on me when they need support or advice yet going back to the thing that makes them miserable. I'm tired of people complaining about things they CAN actually fix and have control of but they just choose not to. I can't control my thoughts or how my brain reacts today or any day for that matter. None of my friends bother to check on me like I check on them, to ask if I'm okay with the intent on actually listening when I say I'm not. I just want them to stop bailing on me when they say they are coming over instead of me getting my hopes upand making an effort to be a human instead of a robot. You don't know how hard it is for me to get up, shower, get real clothes on and participate in the world. I don't enjoy anything anymore so when I get excited for this one event and you bail on me literally the second I'm heading out the door or am already sitting in my car, thats all it takes to break me. It may not be a big deal to you, I may say "it's fine, next time" but I lose all interest in my surroundings, eating, feeling and I sit in my room under the blankets and just cry until my eyes are dry and empty. Nowadays I can count the friends I care about on 1 hand, these are the people I would die for and yet when I send msgs. They are often left on read and never replied too. My husband( God bless him) tries, he really does and I know it's not easy but sometimes he can be an asshole about it too and instead of checking on me when I'm under the covers bawling he decides to sleep in the living room and leave me alone. That's what hurts me... I have 3 things I'm terrified of in life. Being alone, is at the top. I feel so incredibly alone and invisible. Does no one see me being burried alive or do they just not care anymore.. Maybe I've bothered them too much. Lesson learned. From now on, I'll keep it to myself.