#none of this is ship. if u say otherwise im at your front door

[machinepilled]

FINAL PAGE IN MY SKETCHBOOK!!!! gawd this took for EVER but this is my fav sketchboob so far omg

[chokememrstark]

Requiem Of Memories // Part 1

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2004 (Chapter 1 / 15)

Fic Summary: After Lucifer's Death, Sam is stuck in the alternative universe with none other than this version of the Devil himself. He can't handle the loss of his other half so shortly after they began to work things out and it throws the hunter into a spiral of depression and self-loathing that he can't seem to escape. What he doesn't expect is to find comfort in the unfamiliar Lucifer that gave him shelter though and when he does it creates more problems than it solves for both of them.

angst, hurt & comfort, alternative universe, au!lucifer, mourning, depression, blood and gore, nightmares, loneliness

Note: I highly recommend to read Nightmares Become Reality before this, otherwise the premise of the story and the setting might not make much sense.

I’m very excited to finally bring you the sequel to this story as I promised months ago already. I hope you like where this is going, I surely enjoyed writing this and explore a new variation of Samifer.

Tagging: @shebahda @sassysupernaturalsweetheart  @spnyoucantkeepmedown   @brieflymaximumprincess  @kajuned @archingangel @this-darkness-light @dreamreaded @secretlydaydreaminglifeaway @humongouscandycoffee

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Sam didn’t know where he would end up when he decided to leave with Lucifer but after what had happened he didn’t care about it at all. They could jump into an erupting volcano, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. When he ended up in a dark room with only the dim light from a window giving him an impression of his surroundings, he didn’t even frown. He simply sat down on the nearest surface, which happened to be a creaky old bed, and covered his face with his hands.

“You will be safe here,” Lucifer said after a few moments, his low voice barely reaching Sam’s ears through the numbness taking over him. “If you need anything you can call for me, I will let someone prepare a better room for you for now.”

Sam raised his head slowly, as if to take in the room he was in, even though he could barely see anything due to his blurred vision. What he did see was a room no one had been in for ages apparently. Eventually, he shook his head and looked down at the ground.

“It’s okay here,” he sighed weakly. “Just… just leave me alone please…”

“Of course,” Lucifer nodded. “I know you need time, you will have all you need. If you get hungry let me know, there is water on the counter next to you already.”

“Thanks.”

Sam didn’t wait for the angel to leave before he curled up on the dusty bed, facing the wall. He had no energy to talk or to even think, not now and maybe never, but it didn’t matter. He just wanted to sleep and preferably never wake up again, even though he knew that wouldn’t happen. But why should he be awake? He didn’t know where he was or what would happen next, he didn’t even want to go back home anymore just to lose more people he cared for. It would happen, it always did, so he would just lay here until he starved or something.

There was no way to tell the time when Sam finally woke up again, but it was dark outside and an ominous red light wavered into the room. He sat up with a groan, rubbing his eyes way too long and feeling fifty pounds heavier than usually, as if his guilt and remorse had taken physical form and clung to him now. Maybe that was the case, he couldn’t tell.

He sat in the darkness for a long time, not having the urge to move or do anything really. All he did was stare out of the window and listen to the silence around him. It wasn’t all silence, however, he noticed that very quickly. From time to time he heard distant footsteps or a haunting howl that seemed to come from a different location every time. There were also banging noises sometimes, as if someone knocked against a heater somewhere. Sam had no idea what any of these noises meant and he had no desire to find out. At one point he stood up and walked over to the counter to drink a glass of water - it tasted stale, but he still drank it. Other than that, he just sat on the bed, staring into the dark red sky and thought of nothing.

Sometime during the night, Sam didn't know how long after he woke up, he heard a knock behind him and turned around.

“Come in.”

He expected Lucifer to walk in, but instead a young woman entered the room, or at least he thought it was a woman first. When she stepped into the light from the window, Sam noticed the horns on her forehead and squinted his eyes. A demon.

“Master Lucifer asked me to bring you something to eat,” the demon said in a slightly arrogant tone and Sam’s lips jerked a bit. Of course she didn't like him, how obvious. “He will come back to you later when your room is ready.”

“Thank you,” Sam said as polite as he could right now and watched her put a plate down on the counter. When she pulled her hands back and turned around she looked disgusted.

“Don't try to run away,” the demon suddenly said very cold, a creepy smirk on her face. “You won't make it very far, unless you can fly or turn into a fish.”

She left without saying anything else, leaving Sam frowning and very confused. What was that supposed to mean, fly or turn into a fish? As soon as the thought appeared it became meaningless already again, however, and Sam shrugged it off. It didn't matter anyways. He didn't plan to run away, if anything he'd just call for Lucifer to kill him. If he could find the strength for that because even the thought of seeing the other right now made his stomach tighten. So, instead of wondering what the demon tried to tell him, Sam stood up to see what she brought in.

Much to Sam's surprise - who had expected similar can food like he found in the cabin - the plate was actually filled with fresh fruits and something that looked very similar to a steak. There was also a brown liquid in a mug, which was most likely coffee. Sam took the plate and walked over to the window, where a small table and two chairs stood, and sat down. The food looked rather bloody with the light from outside, but Sam still ate it with no hesitation. Even if he didn't have the will to go on, starving seemed like a rather painful way to go out in the end.

After eating some of the fruit and taking a few bites of the steak, Sam’s stomach made an awful sound and cramped together, blowing away the little bit of hunger he had started to feel right away. He pushed the plate away and bend over to lay his head on the table, holding his stomach as he waited for the pain to go away again. It took a few minutes before it turned into a dull pressure and he managed to sit up again. Sam ignored the rest of the food and the coffee and walked back to the bed, falling onto it straight away and curling back up into a ball. The shirt he wore, still one from the cabin, was not enough to keep the cold away, but he still used it as a blanket of sorts and hid under it completely before falling back asleep. He didn’t want to sleep but he didn’t want to stay awake either.

All of this was a nightmare and Sam didn’t know how to escape. Even when he tried not to think about anything, whenever he closed his eyes for just a second he saw Lucifer in his arms, his white and blind eyes staring through him and his lips moving without a sound. It made his chest ache and the pressure on his lungs so bad that breathing became an exercise. How he should keep going like this was a mystery to him.

Sam didn’t sleep long or even very deep, but he was still plagued by painful visions in which he was frozen in place, staring at his other half dead on the floor as those filthy beasts tore him apart. He tried to scream, but his body just wouldn’t obey no matter how hard he tried. All he could do was watch and let hot tears run down his face, begging for this to end or for them to turn around and do the same to him. It was all useless though. No matter how hard he tried, he didn’t wake up.

What eventually did rip Sam out of his nightmare was not his own will, but someone shaking his shoulder. He jolted awake and ripped his arms up so fast that he punched whoever was trying to wake him, but in this moment he couldn’t bother to care. His heart was racing so fast, it felt like it would jump out of his throat the next second. Sweat covered not only his forehead and neck, but made his clothes stick to his skin and he felt ice cold from head to toes. When he finally managed to look for who woke him up, his eyes still ripped open in panic and shock, he found a familiar angel rubbing his cheek.

For a second Sam almost felt the need to apologize - his still clouded mind didn’t immediately realize that the Lucifer in front of him was not the one he wanted him to be. Once the truth settled in though, his sympathy ebbed away and his throat tightened, preventing every sound coming from him. He just stared at the angel in silence and waited.

“Your room is ready,” Lucifer informed him, not particularly angry or mad for some reason. “It’s bigger and clean, you can stay there if you wish to.”

Sam couldn’t answer, so he simply nodded. Otherwise, he stayed where he was and didn’t make an attempt to get up or speak.

“I know this isn’t a pretty place, but if you stay outside you are in danger. You will have everything you need here.”

“No…” Sam managed to say with a thick voice and shook his head. “No, not everything.”

Lucifer sighed audibly. He held out a hand for Sam, who took it after a minute and let the angel help him off the bed. When Lucifer left the room, Sam followed him without much eager and his head lowered. He didn’t want to move or speak, but if he did what the other wanted he might be able to be left alone again soon. If he would have looked up, he could have recognized the place they were in, but he didn’t. He simply followed Lucifer through a corridor and a few rooms, before the other opened a door and signaled him to come in. Only now Sam looked up and inspected the new room.

“We have no electricity,” Lucifer explained as Sam took a few steps into his new place and looked around. “But you should not need it. You have an oil lamp that should substitute, if you need anything else, you know what to do.”

Sam nodded, but this time didn’t thank the other. After a few moments the door opened and shut again and he was left alone in his new quarters. He kept staring at the burning lamp on the table in front of him for a long time, not knowing what else to do or how to ignore the emptiness inside of him. Everything felt so… meaningless. So dull. Not even the warmth in this room changed anything. Eventually, he simply reached for the lamp to turn it off and turned around to lay on the bed. This time he didn’t fall asleep, however. He just laid there and stared at the cracked ceiling above him, reliving the last day over and over in his head. Every time he felt a bit heavier, a bit worse, but at the same time, he also got more used to the emptiness that wanted to devour him.

After many hours of torturing himself like this, when the sky had cleared up long ago already and the room filled with a soft light, the ache in Sam’s chest slowly changed. It felt as if it sunk into him completely, erasing every last bit of hope he might have clung to unconsciously and left the hunter simply feeling nothing at all anymore. He couldn’t explain it, but his need for answers was not urgent anymore. Like a distant memory, it simply existed, far away and quiet until he decided to think about it again. But Sam didn’t. He didn’t want to think about anything at all anymore. Lucifer had died and with him, something important in Sam had too, he knew it. And without it, whatever drove him before, was simply gone.