#none of them are 'the original' though because the universe had to self-correct as she climbed out

[starfoam]

//... Actually, this would be a great time to postulate one of my theories about The Pit, specifically in MCU verse, and use that to be very annoying from this point on

[ylangelegy]

montage of love ꩜ seungmin x reader.

── .✦ 💌 reader uses she/her pronouns. includes: idol!ksm, feelings realization, [childhood] friends to lovers, freeform, time skips, fluff, light angst.

── .✦ 🚏 self-indulgent and prose-heavy with a reference to Twenty-Five Twenty-One! originally posted on ao3.

── .✦ 📟 wc: 1,600+

Seungmin’s poorly concealed indifference towards her is probably the biggest tell of his affections.

She’s known him for so long, after all, growing up in the same Gangnam neighborhood. Their mothers stayed in touch, too, so Seungmin knows all about the course she’s taking up at university and the sporting competitions she’s winning first place in. 

Had things been any different, Seungmin is sure he would have been urged to pursue her. As a teenager, the thought would have repulsed him. Now that he’s a bit older, he’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t cross his mind at least once.

Maybe a couple of times. 

Maybe every single time he got to go home, really, because there she always was. A few houses down, their basement converted into a flower shop.

He wishes sometimes that it wasn’t flowers, because he sees flowers everywhere, which means she haunts him even when he’s miles and miles away. 

They don’t keep in touch online. They only ever see each other when his mother sends him out to buy a fresh bouquet for the living room vase.

Never mind that Seungmin comes home hours late, his face flushed and his answers curt. She always gives him the prettiest arrangements to make up for their rendezvouses.

(And, secretly, their mothers are still hopeful.)

But there was no romance in their meetings. Not the first dozen, anyway.

She would close up shop for an hour or two so they could visit a nearby convenience store or some obscure cafe. And when the group’s popularity began to pick up, Seungmin didn’t have to say anything. Their walks began to veer into quieter neighborhoods, more secluded spots. 

He doesn’t want to love her. He doesn’t have time for any of that, anyway.

But when she mentions offhandedly that a classmate flirted with her, Seungmin flexes his hand unconsciously. He feels the sudden urge to swing a bat at something.

And when she says it didn’t work out, Seungmin is embarrassingly relieved. 

She notices, laughs, reaches out for his hand. He doesn’t move away.

So Seungmin cares for her. He lets himself admit that much.

None of the boys know for the longest time, but he lets slip in front of Minho and Felix and Jeongin one day that he’s going back to Samseong-dong for the night because it’s his 여자친구’s birthday. 

Girlfriend. They all balk, even Seungmin. His what? 

Seungmin doesn’t bother to correct himself. He leaves his roommates in a general state of confusion and spends the night with her in her flower shop, eating take-out on the floor and talking about his latest trip overseas.

He contemplates, then, asking her what they are. But Seungmin has never been the type to rock the boat. Not when something is still good. 

They spend most of their time together in her shop. Rarely anyone who knows him stops by. It’s always an old man, an apologetic husband, a clueless boyfriend.

He asks her, one night, which flower she likes the most, and she simply says, “All of them.”

So he watches a couple of YouTube videos and arranges a bouquet with a little bit of everything. She tells him to stop wasting her resources but keeps the arrangement in the back room until they wilt. 

Though the boys ask, Seungmin never dignifies their questions with a response. They stop prying when they realize he’s not about to crack. They follow the breadcrumb trail instead, the traces of her that are difficult to avoid. 

Passport photos that Seungmin keeps at the bedside table of every hotel. Pictures he never posts but sends to someone, not the fan Bubble or the like.

And when they’re back home, he’s always hitting the ground running. The typically put together, restrained Kim Seungmin has started rushing, speed walking “home” after extended trips abroad. 

One day, his roommates look out their window and spot who he’s running towards.

Seungmin is in love with her, he eventually concedes. Big deal, he thinks.

He doesn’t really realize just how much it matters until he tells her offhand I think I might be in love with you and she freezes. Then laughs. She laughs and laughs and laughs, and he leaves the shop that night with the tips of his ears red.

They don’t talk for a week. Chan even pulls him aside at one point, concerned because all his recordings are too sad, too angry. 

She meets Seungmin at his dorm one evening and apologizes about her reaction. She was trying to act cool, she admits. And then she says, I think I might be in love with you, too.

Seungmin wants to laugh coldly, wants to get back at her, but there’s something so earnest in her confession that he knows she means it. 

Their first day as a couple goes by without much fanfare. Slowly but surely, she becomes more known to him. When he introduces her, formally and finally, to the boys, they are all shocked at the Kim Seungmin he becomes without him even noticing. 

He keeps an envious, watchful eye on all the members. There is always some form of connection between them; their knees touching, his arm around her shoulders, his fingers twisting a strand of her hair.

When she speaks, he nods in all the right places. “Call me when you get home,” he tells her as she leaves, and she rolls her eyes like it’s something he’s said a thousand times before. 

Seungmin dismisses the boys’ jokes about it. He has no idea, it seems, just how unfathomable his love is to others. And is that not the best kind? His affection is almost intrinsic, instinctual.

To him, loving her was as practical as breathing. 

“Did you ever really love me?” she asks bitingly during a particularly nasty row. The details are hazy, now, about what had them bringing out their claws and spewing venom.

It could have been Seungmin’s jealousy. It could have been her aloofness.

Nothing justified her question.

Seungmin recoils like she’d hit him. He stares at her, hard and angry. “Watch what you say,” he hisses, his voice impossibly tight and his eyes deceptively dry.

She has her lips pursed and her arms crossed. She’s poised and raring to fight, and waiting for the right answer. But Seungmin is stubborn, and tired, and what kind of question was that? 

There’s no way she could have known, or even seen, the way that Seungmin looked at her. The devotion in his expression. Oh, he practically worshiped the ground she walked on.

And here she was, questioning that. How dare she, Seungmin thought. 

What do I have to do? he wanted to ask. Do you want me to yell your name off rooftops? Give everything in my life up to prove it? Say the word. Say the word and I’ll show you just how much I love you. 

He says none of that. Instead, he does what he does best: He watches her leave. He watches her retreating back, watches the light blink out from the window of her room, watches their KakaoTalk conversation receive no updates for yet another grueling week.

He doesn’t even find out that she’s fallen ill from her. It’s his mother who tells him in a conspiring whisper. 

He shoulders into her room despite her protests and treats her until he’s coughing and sneezing, too. They switch roles.

“Is this enough proof?” he asks one night, delirious and drugged. Then, for the first time, with his whole chest, he says: “I love you.” 

She strokes his forehead with a damp handkerchief. Her eyes are dry but they shine, twinkle, and quietly, dozens of times over, she says it back. 

They’re able to keep it a secret for four years. Even the most harsh of critics begrudgingly have to hand it to them. What phenomenal discipline! What utmost consideration! Why did she never demand, never ask to have a bigger share of his life?

The short answer: She was happy. She didn’t need the whole world to know that she was the idol’s muse. She was content to watch his stages and know that he would be coming home to her for the weekend. 

Right before he enters military service, he releases a SKZ-Player. 사랑의 몽타주. Montage of love. And its hers, wholly hers, referencing their relationship, promising a safe return.

Fans think its about them. She knows who it’s really for. 

And when the 21 months of service is over, Seungmin is a bit of a changed man. Enough to stand before the higher-ups of JYP Entertainment, and then his adoring fans, to tell them all that he is in love. He has been for quite some time now. And there’s nothing he wants to do more than to keep making music, and be in love with that one person, if they’d all still have him. He asks, too, for his privacy to be respected. 

People do, for the most part, but she’s still found out.

Her flower shop booms in popularity. Old classmates from uni blow up her inbox. She waits for Seungmin to come home to her after his surprise pronouncement and can’t decide if she’s going to hug or slap him.

He gives her the long answer: He’s tired of hiding. He doesn’t care what might happen to his career. And the boys, he ran it through them, and they all think the same. 

If you love someone, why hide it? If you love someone, let it be known.

Seungmin takes her hand. “Let’s go out,” he urges.

It’s late in afternoon. Most of their dates have been snatched up moments; evenings in parking lots, backstage in dressing rooms. 

But the day is warm and promising, and the flowers are in full bloom. And Seungmin is looking at her, expectant and hopeful, his hand trembling ever so slightly.

And she can’t say no.

She squeezes his hand. “Let’s go out,” she repeats. 

He smiles, then. Indifference be damned.

They walk out of the store and the flowers lean towards them like they're somehow brighter than the noonday sun. 

[moonpoolcat]

Epoch Moon Backstory (Long version)

Ya'll actually did it. Okay. As promised, here is the longer version of Moon lore. I'm not very good with rainworld lore no, none of this is tied to anything canon to the game, for the love of christ DO NOT spam my inbox trying to correct me. Everything has been written months in advance so there will be no changes unless it proves to be an obstacle in future posts. So sit back, put on some music, because this is going to be extremely long. How does this universe work? Simple! This universe takes place before the Rivulet campaign (don't worry they still show up in this timeline. All iterators are able to leave from their cans at will with no restraints. They have the ability shift into animals their creators designed them from. Their superstructures are mobile (yes i'm letting these mfs move) and are able to traverse the land long as they're close to resources such as ground water an void fluid. The cities are wrapped in a gravity that keeps it from tipping over or falling off. The rot is curable in this universe but only if cured within a short timespan. I hope this helps.

The beginning-

In the beginning, when the iterators first emerged, they served their creators known as the ancients. The ancients, who held the first generation by the throat, gave no hope for individuality. LTTM and other iterators of her generation had no concept of mentors. Instead, they were self-taught and guided by their administrators. The ancient who mentored her was named Spangled Sinking Dagger, four hundred flowers. belonging to the House of Silhouette, count of 8 living blocks, Counselor of 13, Mother, and spouse, and the true founder of the Congregation of Moderated Dedication. Also, she was a legend, and was the administrator responsible for LTTM's creation, oversaw Moon teachings. In this universe, iterators have three stages of growth, and the role of the senior respectfully. The puppets being a small part of them were meant to interact with the real world, but they can grow into whatever size suits them best depending on the conditions and environment the ancients placed them in. Moon and her creator's relationship, basically parent and child, was not a very cherished one. Spangles' teachings were very strict, keeping Moon on a tight leash and making sure the iterator stayed on course in terms of finding a solution to the great problem. This did cause trauma, as Moon only knew to obey and never ask questions out of term under any circumstances.

However, the maintenance worker, Five Webbed Clouds, a spiraling anchor, was responsible for maintaining the stability of LTTM's superstructure and would then go on to help build Five Pebbles. Five Webbed Clouds was much kinder to the iterator than Moon's creator. He was the only ancient Moon who had any real physical connection with helping Moon's personality develop. It does not come without its setbacks. The ancients believed their creations were incapable of expressing emotion, merely imitating it for the sake of communication. Moon was one such exception. Despite being one of the many first iterators created, she was not limited in terms of emotions. Many iterators hardly even noticed Moon's behavior, as they saw it as natural - until someone pointed it out. Her behavior of showing more compassion and empathy than the standard iterator, thanks to her maintenance worker who gave Moon more permission to develop her personality, drew other iterators towards her rather than away. Though some had doubts, such as an iterator that went by "Enlightened Overturned Silk," who joined Moon's local group not too long ago speculated that Moon's kindness would inevitably be her downfall in the long run, but was brushed off as harmless by the majority.

The original members of her local group were Sliver of Straw, Chasing Winds, and EOS, along with others. Later, Seven Red Suns and Sig joined the group as the youngest members before the arrival of Five Pebbles and UP. Moon worked hard to build an empire based on friendship and determination, creating a sanctuary for all forms of life. Because of this, she earned the titles "Mother Moon" and "Queen Moon," with all the fourth-generation iterators looking to her for comfort and safety. As Moon matured, she realized she didn't have an apprentice of her own, even though she was told that it was not necessary for seniors to have one. However, Sliver insisted that she should have a successor since there was no one else to become admin after her should anything happen under strange circumstances or natural causes. This made taking on an apprentice seem like a good idea? LTTM was originally planning to take on Seven Red Suns as an apprentice, but he was taken under the wing of EOS instead, with the trust that EOS would teach Suns to the best of his abilities. Overall, the local group had become a refuge for troublesome generation 4 iterators. She was more than willing to let them in, as her group was able to shape them into what iterators should be. They were then released back to their mentors, but this time with much more personality and individual freedom. This allowed them to make a significant mark, prompting all local groups to replicate these methods. Everyone agreed it was best not to traumatize the youth with what they had to endure when they were younger.

Moon's first apprentice was Unparalleled Innocence, a spirited, feisty fourth generation iterator who was spoiled yet poorly maintained by her creators. Moon, being a merciful iterator, brought Para into her local group and took on mentoring the young iterator herself. With the arrival of Five Pebbles, Moon was overjoyed, considering Pebbles as a younger brother. Pebbles was the last fourth generation iterator to be created, and their cans were so close to each other Moon was default his Admin. Moon introduced Pebbles to the local group with open arms, giving him the nickname "young prince" as she was already nicknamed a queen. She hosted a ceremony to make him feel welcomed, just as she had done for all the newest members.

Everyone reacted positively, except for Unparalleled Innocence, who didn't like the idea of the young prince taking up Moon's time. Later on, Moon found it tough to juggle work and mentoring. The responsibilities of being a senior were much more stressful than watching over a rebellious teenager. Moon couldn't manage both at the same time. The task of teaching was then passed on to Chasing Winds, who kindly offered to mentor Para until Moon could return. However, this arrangement didn't last long, as Para proved to be difficult and too stubborn for Grey Winds to handle. The young iterator saw their work as meaningless and boring, desiring more entertainment and excitement, which was an insult to their purpose, especially because it was based on pacifism. This caused Grey Winds to give up on mentoring Para after she rejected his teaching style. Moon tried her best to find someone in her local group to mentor Para, but no one was willing to take on the challenge of handling such a troublesome individual. Everyone, except Seven Red Suns, had already taken on the duties of mentoring Moon's troublesome brother, Five Pebbles, who had reached an age where he questioned everything and became rebellious. Para would be no different. Suns didn't mind, for he had already corrected this behavior through specific methods of discipline with Pebbles. They were mildly violent, yes, but Moon approved of it as it was the only way to try and teach the two their place within the local group. Moon knew Sun's silent aggression was enough to combat Innocence's loud ferocity and hopefully tame the little fox into becoming more modest and less quick to assumptions that lead nowhere.

As the great ascension began, Moon didn't have an attachment to her creators as they left for the void sea. She made sure that every last one left her city and never returned. The cycles she had to endure by her administrator encouraged Moon to do the impossible and she was the first to break free from her umbilical, standing firm before her creator as she ascended the elevator. She mocked the ancients that had spent their entire existence tormenting her. They cursed Moon's name, but it didn't matter, as Moon's act of rebellion became the reason she became an echo, forever locked in their prison to be mocked by Moon out of spite.

The maintenance worker that built her had sealed himself in a stasis pod deep within her structure, instructing Moon to never wake him up until a specific amount of cycles had passed. Moon didn't miss her ancients at all. She respected them, yes, but missed them? No. They were just parasites on her back with opinions.

Grief and healing

Moon felt proud of Five Pebbles and Innocence, for they had come a long way since unit 1, becoming very intelligent yet maturing iterators thanks to Suns. On this night, it was supposed to be a time of independence and celebrations for iterators who had finally found their place in the world, free to do whatever they pleased. Little did Moon know - this would be the last time she would ever see Sliver of Straw again. Five cycles later, Sliver would send out the "Triple Affirmative" never to be seen or heard from again. The signal shocked every local group to their core; a solution had been found, but Sliver had died before she could even explain. Moon was heartbroken. The love of her life had just died before her eyes without any explanation. She knew Sliver was close to a solution, doing everything she could to help, promising a future where they could ascend together. But she hadn't expected she would find it so soon. Instead of using overseers, Moon made the journey to Sliver's can herself, in denial that her love had truly just "died." She wasn't the only one.

Billions of iterators. Young, and old. Who saw the triple affirmative and considered Sliver a leader, inspiration, a friend, made the journey hoping it wasn't true and that they could somehow save her ignoring they were miles apart from each other. Moon was the first to arrive, but it was already too late. LTTM, her local group, and all the local groups, present or via overseer, gathered together to mourn Sliver.

Moon made sure that Sliver's puppet was taken care of, as everyone pitched in to create an altar around her body so that all of them could mourn her properly, as the first iterator to ascend. Only NSH stayed behind and helped Moon mourn. Moon had no choice but to move on; her local group needed her, for it would have been what Sliver wanted if she was still alive. That also didn't mean that she would find companionship in someone else either. Sig was more than happy enough to fill that missing hole in Moon's heart as he eased the senior from spiraling into depression.

Despite the initial challenges, the discovery of a solution encouraged many groups to continue their work as iterators. However, it also led to divisions among the groups. The Sliverest group focused on investigating the cause of Slivers' deaths, hoping to replicate a solution. Meanwhile, the anti-Sliverest faction accused Sliver of Straw of betrayal and opposed any discussion of the self-destruct taboo. Those who disagreed were silenced or removed from chatlogs. Although Moon opposed the creation of the Sliverest group, she saw value in their role. The data pearls left by Sliver were stored in a secure room within Sliver's can, and Moon was the only one with access. The Sliverest group was tasked with protecting Sliver's can from anti-Sliverest iterators. Access to the room was restricted to Moon and other trusted admins.

The incident...

Work continued, and she and Sig would form a formidable pair. They wouldn't do anything without the other. Moon insisted that Sig become an admin, but for that to happen, he needed to take on an apprentice, which he had never done before. Another local happily gifted one by sheer luck. The role could have gone to Seven Red Suns for taking on two apprentices at once while managing a large workload. However, after witnessing his crippling sanity and the banishment of EOS for malpractice and physical/emotional abuse, he was proven to be unfit for seniority due to his unstable mental health. This sparked conflict between Seven Red Suns and Sig. Moon tried her best to explain the reasons behind her decision to Suns, but they blamed her for favoritism, leading them to never trust Moon's word again. During another meeting, a fight broke out between him and his brother Chasing Winds, one that she had to promptly break apart.

What Moon didn't know was that her late wife's death would cause her brother, Pebbles, to fall into madness himself. He started bringing up very unusual topics and theories that were not aligned with the main issue, thinking outside of the box as younger generations of iterators tend to do. This behavior concerned the entire local group including his sister Moon who could only discouraged Pebbles from speaking on such subjects instead of scolding him. Meanwhile, Suns, still holding a grudge about his canceled seniority against Moon, would do something that would ultimately lead to an event that would cost Moon her life. (You already know what happens) Five Pebbles began his experiment, causing Moon to panic as he took a large amount of ground water shared within their territory. Despite multiple attempts to get Pebbles to stop, he had cut all forms of communication. Moon was unaware of why he was doing this, but it marked the start of her slow, agonizing cycles of dehydration as Moon's eternal systems began to fail. Moon pleaded with Pebbles to stop his experiment, even using her senior privilege to force a broadcast and beg for her life. However, Pebbles was merciless, with his only goal being to break the taboo and end the cycle. He ceased all contact. Moon's last message was broadcast with the help of Spearmaster, sent by Seven Red Suns to restore her communication tower. Her words were heavy an labored- begging, pleading for anyone who was listening to help her, but there was only silence. Just as Moon's legs were beginning to buckle on the brink of collapse, No significant harassment, loyal as he always had been, ran on foot with his slug Hunter to her aid. Using his virtual panels, he managed to stop her legs from breaking, sealing them together with all his strength, despite almost being damaged in the process.

But he was not the only iterator who had answered. Another iterator, Fire Epoch from the Oasis local group, the first and only of his kind whose can was mobile, had traveled for nearly 45 cycles at maximum speed after hearing her plea for anyone to help, caught Moon's superstructure (literally and physically) from hitting the ground. Everyone around the world sat in wait, hoping and praying that LTTM had not collapsed.

Moon was awakened by Hunter, who had brought a neuron containing slagkeys created by Sig, bringing LTTM back from her coma. However, for a moment, while floating in the celestial plane of nothingness, Moon was able to see Sliver of Straw. Their reunion was brief, but she cried happy tears to see Sliver again, and they shared a long embrace. Before she could even ask Sliver how she ascended, Moon was pulled back into the land of the living, with a new perspective and a new personality.

The majority of Moon's memories would suffer a fatal error, forever erased from existence. This included personal memories of her and Sig being together, tarnishing their relationship as Sig attempted to help Moon recover her memories. Yet, the damage had already been done; the only relationship she had known to have was with Sliver. Fire of Epoch spent cycles repairing the damage to Moon's legs. Even her rarefaction cell was missing and could not be found or recovered. Five Pebbles did not contact Moon once during her time of recovery... Beloved by many, other groups were willing to pitch in and help the best they could, costing them thousands in supplies and resources to help in the repairing process to fix what had been broken. The good news was a random modified aquatic slugcat Rivulet was found with the rarefaction cell in the depths of the groundwater under LTTM. No one knew where it came from or who sent it, but it had successfully brought it back in one piece. Moon named them Ruffles.

Thanks to Fire epoch, every iterator's superstructure was upgraded to became mobile. Now, iterators could join their local groups and live together, combining entire cities into empires if they wished. So that the situation of collapsing would never happen again. It was the greatest mass migration of biomechanical masses ever seen on the planet, as the earth shook under their legs. The world didn't feel so large anymore now that they could move along its surface no longer restrained to their shackles.

Regret, despair, the madness...

The situation had become critical as both Five Pebbles and UI had contracted the rot. Moons could still be connected to Pebbles and, if not cured, could spread to her as well. For some reason, UI's illness was worse than Pebbles, but Moon cared deeply for both iterators' well-being more than ever. They demanded answers, wanting to know how this could have happened? However, as NSH explained the situation, her mood turned to anger upon learning that it was Seven Red Suns who had created the pearl that caused this calamity. The truth was that Seven Red Suns had planned an assassination on NSH, not LTTM, by disguising the forbidden taboo in the form of a coded purpose organism that, upon creation, would give Sig the rot. But his slugcat was intercepted in the mix by someone else, causing both Pebbles and UI to become infected. Moon gave Suns a second chance—if he cured both Pebbles and his late apprentices' rot, he would be spared. It was a good thing he heeded her warning. As for Pebbles, she could forgive him for wanting to escape, but she could not forgive him for his lack of showing her any mercy.

He was punished with exile, (basically muted) and he had to leave the area, being denied from ever speaking in the local group. Before exiling him, Moon did her duties as an older sister going as far as to stay by his side until his rot was completely eradicated, wanting her little brother to be safe as a last act of kindness before he carried out his sentence. Knowing Pebbles would never forgive her ever again, she was not in a position to show weakness as everyone in their group now questioned her inability to lead. Cycles after she was filled with a sense of relief being notified that he was found by Chasing Winds who took responsibility of looking after him until further notice.

Moons main focus was on the well-being of her local group. However, she found it odd that, after her supposed 'death', only a few members of her local group had contacted her to express concern about her well-being? Suspicious, Moon allowed Sig to infiltrate private group chats using an anonymous ID. What Sig discovered revealed Moon's increasing insanity. The chat logs, recorded on each active date, began to provide a clearer picture. The individuals Moon had spoken to for cycles, the ones she had trusted, were all traitors. They were part of the anti-Sliverists, with the soul purpose and goal of infiltrating Moon's group to identify her weaknesses and gain information for a planned assassination. If they could get close to Moon, she would grant them access to Sliver's can, where they could destroy the archive data pearls and eliminate Sliver's puppet, ultimately getting rid of the traitor.

Their plan was halted when Five Pebbles, so-called 'completed the mission for them.' Moon was described as weak, clinging onto Sliver's death as if she were a prophet. Spending too much time protecting the traitor was considered treason, making it a reason she was not fit to be senior. There was a debate on whether Sig or Suns was the better outcome, knowing they would fight over Admin after her death.

Breaking point

Something within Moon- SnApPPed! After all she had done for her local group, this was how it all paid off. Her kindness, generosity, sympathy, compassion and endless sacrifice to provide them with a sanctuary of comfort well as safety among a sea of bitterness and envy were all in vain. To top it all off, she was nearly killed by her own brother, who had nothing to do with this, and was caught in the crossfire. Either of them almost paid the price with their lives. All because she wanted to protect Sliver's can as a last act of honor, hoping her body could be left to rest in peace.

It couldn't have been farther from the truth. Ever since UI was infected, Moon hadn't questioned a thing, for she denied the thought that her apprentice would ever dream of killing her senior, let alone attempt such a traitorous act in the first place. She felt bad for neglecting UI to focus on her duties but she hadn't forgotten the young iterator entirely an did her best to be present. Moons heart was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seven Red Suns had redeemed himself, except he left out one crucial detail: who exactly intercepted his pearl? NSH, still being loyal as ever despite being somewhat grief stricken would go out to investigate on his own for that answer. Out of all the iterators he investigated no one confessed or knew who had done it, however not even him would suspect Unparalleled Innocence of all iterators to confess to another group member of her crimes. LTTM was distraught obviously, she had just banished her brother for no reason for a crime he didn't commit. It was UI who had intercepted Sun's pearl. It was she who had caused her death. She knew the two of them shared resources and the consequences that lay if Pebbles carried out the taboo! Instead of telling Moon of Seven Red Suns attempted murder on NSH, she instead gave the pearl to Pebbles out of jealousy while he was on a rampage searching for a solution.

Five Pebbles name was cleared of all accusations and he was allowed to return. UI however, was placed in Moon can for judgment. The soon-to-be heir was sentenced to exile, and forced to carry out the rest of Five Pebbles's banishment till further notice. UI called Moon a tyrant. Moon screamed she was a queen. Spending cycles building an empire was no easy task. To be betrayed was the worst feeling to ever experience especially from her. To think she treated UI as if she were her own when Moon had done nothing to deserve it. What did she do to make her point clear? LTTM- beheaded UI's puppet in front of what was left of her small shamble of a local group without a second thought. It hurt her, memories spent carrying for the iterator all thrown out the window. What a waste of potential. Chasing Winds was never seen again when this occurred soon leaving to make his local group disgusted by Moons actions no longer saw her as his senior, Sliver was his mentor after all and he could not obey Moon's new vicious demands on the belief that Moon's teachings were setting a bad example for younger generations straying away from the path Sliver of straws had created.

Moon regretted nothing, she was an old heart that was in pain. And yet the queen was not satisfied? She wanted ALL of them to pay for their crimes in causing harm to her family and the world she and Sliver had put their blood, sweat, and tears into creating. Those loyal to her were ordered to stay within their cans. Under any circumstances, they were not to attend the meeting at all. It rained during Moon's travel, a hellish rain that was red. Ironically this would be her an Slivers anniversary night... if she was alive to see it at all? an agonizing reminder of what she could not have. As she confronted these traitors in front of thousands of spectators the old admin could have sworn she saw Sliver's haunting ghost in the corner of her eyes. Overwhelmed, betrayed, saddened, ill-ridden in speculation, and uncertainty LTTM raised her scythe into the air in front of a hellish blood moon, there was no going back from this. She was doing this for her local group. For her… There will be blood on her hands. She was very aware of this and quite possibly no one will trust her again but she could not care less for anything else other than wanting revenge. Maybe ascension was never possible? Looking at the other Admins she wondered if they had betrayed her as well? It would mean no difference to be rid of them like the rest. Their groups would have to suffer without their precious leaders. Or did everyone want her dead? Why was the world unfair? Moon could not fathom to think of an answer for all of them only thinking of the consequences when she was the one suffering all this time. Where was her relief and prosperity? No one was allowed to leave the building, she needed- no- wanted them to watch. An urge to feel their fear watching their friends die in front of them, setting an example to anyone who dared to cross her path again. And so the traitors, the admins who played a part in all of this were slaughtered in the dead of the night. Anyone else who tried to escape met the same fate. The polished marble floor pooled with the blood of the fallen, their cries echoed throughout the abandoned city. This night was known as the crimson massacre. (All meetings have since been denied on this certain date)

[Recovery overseer surveillance feed has been removed. Seek permission from an admin before viewing contents. Viewers discretion is advised.]

Meanwhile the secondary group that was sent to infiltrate Slivers can in Moons absence never saw the light of day either. Moon an Slivers anniversary meant security was decreased. Seven red Suns, NSH, Pebbles of all iterators and everyone else who was told to stay back fought alongside Moon who had gained a profound sense of vengeance to protect what was hers. During the aftermath she was banned from gatherings for a short while. Not that she cared though. Cries of outrage from the public for Moon to be stripped of admin status were all anyone could talk about but the new admins that replaced the old ones couldn't bring themselves to do it out of fear of what she'll do. The sliverists were of course on her side, the rest wanted Moon dead. She laughed knowing none of the remaining admins who did not attend that night couldn't possible think of a better plan to stop her. The tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife sparking a repeatedly never ending war between the sliverist and anti-sliverist. Not a surprise there. In the eyes of the older generations ones- the innocent little Moon they had known and loved had become a monster blinded by hate. Anyone remaining was denied a moment's rest. The criticism an blasphemy she received did not matter anymore. From this day forward. LTTM showed no mercy to anyone. Not even her local group. If they wanted her dead so badly. They would have to come and rip her head off themselves.

She had sworn not to become like her creator, but she had become the monster she had tried to avoid. On long, open nights when the moon hangs in the clear open sky, you can hear her wailing into the night. She never wanted to be this way. All she wants is her sliver back. She'll do whatever it takes to keep her group safe and out of harm's way.

"Do not gaze into the moons eye's. Avoid the Moons wrath. Fear her venomous tongue, the scythe that cuts into failures. Bow at your own risk. The Moon carries the souls of the dammed, her cries shall drown the world in blood. Do not let the moon catch you. Running is all you can do. Did you make it to the end? Good job ya little gremlin you're actually paying attention.

[specialshinytrinkets]

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum? (For Seraphet)

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right? (Derres)

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame? (Kee, I already know but I want to hear again!!! :3)

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why? (Seven Seven)

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.? (Ies)

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw? (Lioo)

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self? (Derres again >:3€)

🔫 — Despite his demonic origins, Seraphet very easily puts his trust in others. Perhaps because one might call the way he was raised as "sheltering". Perhaps because he knows who exactly to trust with his "sixth sense", so he had never been backstabbed. In either case, if he thinks you are worthy of becoming his friend, expect to hear his voice on your deathbed, for he shall never forget you. That comes with no betrayals as well (at least, conscious ones: you can still get in trouble, but it won't be of ill will). If given an ultimatum... Pray one of the sides doesn't include his family.

☄️ — Derres is the first person that any Spiderberry Hills visitor will meet, so it's very important that the first impressions are good for him! Many assumptions about him are correct, but a few stood out as particularly odd. Some talk of him as naïve or aloof, when it is simply not the case. Others had suspicions as to why he was the only witcher in the entire village, and they had to be dissuaded from the idea of their purposeful elimination. Overall, he is very easy to read, so if you have talked with Derres at least one time, you have a general picture of him.

🔪 — He would be terrified, to the point of freezing in place. Out of all the possible scenarios, this one applies to Keeares' pessimistic mindset the most, and yet facing the reality of it would crush him. As for who would be to blame, the Universe would be first on the list, before him. (I don't rember when I answered that before, sorrey lol)

👑 — Seven wants to be remembered as a magician that is worthy of continuing her family's legacy. That might change after seeing certain people, but hey, at least her passion is staying intact.

🎭 — Not much is different. For strangers she might lean into more mysterious side of themself, but Ies always stays as Ies, no matter the people.

🎨 — Lioo is a tattoo artist's apprentice, so of course she can draw! But on her free time, she rarely does so for herself. She's more into sightseeing. When she does have the inspiration, though, she likes to put down some sketches of more... artistic tattoos. Mainly of skulls surrounded by greenery.

🔥 — Believe it or not, Derres has none of those. You could say he pushes himself too hard to get around everywhere and help the villagers, but it's not done to an extreme and isn't often at all. By his own opinion, Derres is the best version of himself now, and he's glad he had reached that point.

[grinoir]

Religious Medievalism: “Stregheria”, Wicca and History - part 1

[TN: This article will break the Introduction to Stregoneria series for a second, but I believe it’s important to set things into perspective about both Witchcraft and this blog. My goal is to put out content, translated or redacted by me, in order to give people the correct historical information. I see a lot people on TikTok messing with things they don’t know, appropriating and distorting practices and cultures and profiting off of it. The only focus of this blog is the practice and the history behind it, I don’t want to “put people down”, I want to make the information available so you won’t hurt yourselves.

Also, I do not support fa***sm, na**sm or any other movement/ideology that oppresses and discriminates people. I’m specifiying this because I’ve received an anonymous ask about it and it kind of hurt just reading it. I hope this will clarify things and make whoever asked me that more confortable with my blog and my content. I’m a history nerd Strega, nothing more.

This article will be a translation, synthesis and re-elaboration of the following articles

https://tradizioneitaliana.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/medievalismo-religioso-stregheria-wicca-e-storia/

https://medievaleggiando.it/la-legittimazione-storica-della-wicca-margaret-murray-e-la-manipolazione-delle-fonti/

https://medievaleggiando.it/il-vangelo-delle-streghe-e-linizio-della-wicca-il-fascino-di-un-falso-storico/

The first being a rectification of the two that follow.

This article will be divided in two parts because it’s way too long to read and to translate, i’m drained af]

THE DEBUNKING OF MURRAY

Margaret Alice Murray (1863-1963) was a British Anthropologist and Egyptologist, well known in the academic environment for her contributions in the studies of folklore. Even if she was very criticized and her reputation as an historian was poor, her work became popular bestsellers from 1940 onward.

The most well-known and controversial one is “The Witch-Cult in the Western Europe” published in 1921. In this book, Murray alleges that there was some sort of secret model of pagan resistance to Christianity spreaded all across Europe, and that the witches’ hunt and the proof presented to the trials were an attempt to eliminate a rival cult.

This book was clearly influenced by “Satanism and Witchcraft” by Jules Michelet, that alleged that Medieval Witchcraft was an act of popular rebellion against the oppression of feudalism and the Roman Catholic church, that took the form of a secret religion inspired by paganism and organized mainly by women.

To support her narrative, Murray chooses to analyze some of the trials that took place during the great hunt and employs 15 primary sources, mostly British or Scottish (not paneuropean, or sources from the european continent), that describe famous trials. Murray’s analysis of the Somerset Trials in 1664 offer a good example of her work ethics; quoting the testimony of Elizabeth Styles:

“At their meeting they have usually Wine or good Beer, Cakes, Meat or the like. They eat and drink really when they meet in their bodies, dance also and have Musick. The Man in black sits at the higher end, and Anne Bishop usually next him. He useth some words before meat, and none after, his voice is audible, but very low.”

Murray conveniently seems to “forget” to quote the immediately preceding phrase:

”That at every meeting before the Spirit vanisheth away, he appoints the next meeting place and time, and at his departure there is a foul smell.”

Other details offered by Styles are omitted, like when she alleges that the Devil presented to her in the shape of a dog or a cat or a fly, that the Devil offered her followers an oinment to use on their heads and wrists that made it possible to move them from a place to another. Or that sometimes the reunion involved only the spirits of the witches, while their bodies stayed at home.

Murray was fully aware of the fantasy element in the testimonies she included in her books, but she was able, by deliberately manipulating historical sources, to make people believe the fake narrative that a Medieval religion of witches with covens, rites and their own beliefs that relentlessy opposed Christianity really existed.

In her “The God of the Witches”, published in 1933 and clearly written for a commercial audience, she further broadened the scope of her claims on the witches’ cult. In this book, she alleges that until the C17th BCE the there was a religion, older than Christianity, that kept existing in all of Western Europe. Said religion, was focused on the worship of a two-faced horned god, known to the Romans ad Diano; this god presided the witches’ gathering and was mistaken by the Inquisition of the Devil, conclusion that made them associate witchcraft with a satanic cult.

Murray claims the existence of a *specific* non-christian organized cult spread all across Europe that worshipped Diano and relentlessly opposed the Roman Catholic church, but the sources she quotes are late and recount the flattening of the various “pagan” cults to the assimilation with the christian Devil, operated by the Church.

In fact, the Devil that the trials report on, depending on the religion, overlapped with different figures: in British and Scottish traditions the Devil was the result of the demonization of the King of Elphame. In the Basque country, the Devil substituted Mari. In Northern Italy it overlapped with the Donna del Buon Gioco. This means that the “Northern Italian Devil” is different from the “British Devil” and the “Basque Devil”.

This “Devil” is a figure that flattens everything and overlapped and substituted so many different figures, depending on the religion and the figure it ended up overlapping with.

Therefore, Murray’s narrative of a paneuropean cult of the Horned God stems from the analysis of late sources and to the false equivalence of the Devil that presided the Ludus (Sabba) in Scotland (where he masks the King of Elphame) and the Devil of other countries (where he masks other entities).

Since the Devil isn’t the same entity in all of Europe, the narrative of a counter-christianity organized paneuropean cult of prehistoric origin falls too. Instead, what we’re dealing with are Medieval, non-christian rielaborations of different remainders of the Religions of the Gentiles that survived in the Christian age and were absorbed in the legend of the Faery Procession/Procession of the Dominae Nocturnae first, and the legend of the Ludus (Sabba) later.

The following quote by Ronald Hutton, English historian who specialises in Early Modern Britain, British folklore, pre-Christian religion and Contemporary Paganism and professor at the University of Bristol, confirms this:

“Over a quarter of a century ago, I adopted the expression “Pagan survivals” to describe elements of ancient Pagan culture that had persisted in later Christian societies. In doing so, I was drawing a distinction between such survivals, of which there seemed to be many, and “surviving Paganism”; that is the continued self-conscious practice of the older religions, of which there seemed to be none. This point was worth making because even in the 1980s, there was a persisting belief, based on outdated academic texts, that Paganism had survived as a living force among the common people in much of medieval Europe: it was widespread in other scholarly disciplines than history, let alone among the general public. My formula and approach was adopted by other authors in the 1990s. During that decade, however, a reaction set in against it among historians who preferred to stress the comprehensive Christianization of medieval European societies and to relegate elements that had hither to been identifed as of pagan origin to categories of religiously neutral folklore or of lay Christianity. Some emphasized that the undoubted tendency of some Christians at the time to condemn such beliefs and practices as pagan was a hallmark of a highly atypical, reforming, intolerant and evangelical strain of churchman. Michael’s system of classification, in this volume, may be said to take its place in this, apparently now dominant, set of scholarly attitudes. Revisiting the issue myself, I am inclined to meet it halfway. I am startingto agree that to speak of aspects of medieval culture as “Pagan” might indeed be misleading and inadequate. Moreover, it would be especially inappropriate to characterize fgures such as the lady of the night rides, the fairy queen or the Cailleach as “Pagan survivals” when they seem like medieval or post-medieval creations. However, I have equal diffculty in describing them simply and straightforwardly as “Christian” because of their total lack of reference to any aspect of Christianity, including theology, cosmology, scripture and liturgy; all of them would indeed fit far more comfortably into a Pagan world-picture. […] It may be that the old polarized labels are becoming inadequate to describe a medieval and early modern religious and quasi-religious world that is coming to seem even more complex, exciting and interesting than it had seemed to be before.”

Also Michael Ostling, religious studies scholar focusing on the history, historiography, and representation of witches and witchcraft, confirms this in Fairies, Demons, and Nature Spirits: “Small Gods” at the Margin of Christendom, published in 2018.

“Christians encompass aspects of their prior paganism both by inversion and revaluation. But where traditional spirits remain salient to a Christianized culture in encompassed or inverted form, their ongoing reality ought not to be counted by scholars as a pagan survival—though it is likely to be so construed by Christians themselves. Such “surviving” spirits are not just marginalized or diabolized pagan remnants, they are continually re-performed, recreated through Christian ritual and Christian discourse. We find such re-creation of the small gods throughout Christian history, and throughout this volume: when the Urapmin drive out the motobil by the power of the Holy Spirit, when Andean people frame their propitiation of the yawlu with devotion to the Christian God, when Mami Water appears primarily as a trope of Pentecostal deliverance ministry, when thirteenth-century Frenchwomen see, in an unoffcial Christian saint, their best hope of negotiating the return of their stolen babies from the follets, when the brownie and Robin Goodfellow appear in prayers of protection against them, in assertions of their diabolical status, or in tolerant mention of superstitious old wives who stillbelieve in such “harmless devils,” when cunningwomen insist that they only use “good devils” or that the fairies who facilitate their divination have no fear of the cross, this is because the beings involved have succeeded in taking up a niche within Christian discourse. The “good people” have not departed, have not been driven out by the sound of church-bells or the smell of gasoline. There are no pagan survivals: small gods are Christian creations with which to think the limits of Christianity.”

In essence, Murray’s version of events that describes Paganism as an anti-church, anti-society isn’t backed by any historical evidence.

Sources:

https://tradizioneitaliana.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/medievalismo-religioso-stregheria-wicca-e-storia/

https://medievaleggiando.it/la-legittimazione-storica-della-wicca-margaret-murray-e-la-manipolazione-delle-fonti/

https://medievaleggiando.it/il-vangelo-delle-streghe-e-linizio-della-wicca-il-fascino-di-un-falso-storico/

Michael Ostling. Fairies, Demons, and Nature Spirits: ‘Small Gods’ at the Margins of Christendom. Palgrave Macmillan, 2018.

[mintaka14]

See the Light

A Miraculous Ladybug fanfiction

By Mintaka14

Chapter Three – Living in a Blur

  “No Rose or Juleka today?” Marinette asked as she stepped down into the galley of the Liberty with that effortless grace that Luka was coming to associate with the woman she’d become. She reached up to tuck back a lock of hair that had escaped from the braid over her shoulder, and Luka moved around the tiny kitchen, pulling out mugs, while the kettle whistled loudly in the background.

“No, they had a few things to organise today for the wedding. They said to say hi, though.” He didn’t mention the other things that Rose had had to say, or the broad, suggestive beams she given him before she dragged Juleka away on whatever mission she’d manufactured.

He handed Marinette the tea that he’d just made and shifted towards the couch in the living room, cradling his own coffee. Marinette sank into the armchair across from him. She blew on the mug and closed her eyes to inhale the steam.

“I still can’t quite believe that Juleka and Rose are getting married. It feels like only yesterday we were all in collège.” Marinette smiled, and sighed.

“They’re incredibly lucky to be getting MDC original wedding dresses. That’s one hell of a wedding present you’re giving them.”

“Juleka and Rose are covering the materials I’m just volunteering my time and a bit of sewing.”

Luka’s eyebrow rose sceptically. “One artist to another, I know it’s not ‘just’ anything, Marinette. Your time and skill is a very generous gift, and don’t forget, I’ve seen what you’re putting together for them. Jules and Rose can’t have been straightforward to design for.”

Marinette laughed. “But they’re giving me the chance to have fun,” she insisted. “I spend all day every day dealing with clients with no individuality or imagination, trying to convince them to trust me, so it’s a relief to get a chance to do something interesting for a change, with friends who are happy to indulge me.”

Luka leaned back, all plans to rehearse forgotten, as he watched Marinette talk about the inspiration behind the wedding dresses and the creative possibilities in dressing certain clients, her face lighting up and her hands gesturing animatedly as she grew more impassioned about her theories of clothing as a reflection of self. He followed the movement of her hands and lost himself in the endless blue of her eyes.

“I really need to ask Juleka if she’d be willing to model for me sometime. She’s always so compelling in whatever she wears, and so much fun to design for,” she said eventually. He found her eyeing him speculatively. “I’d love to have the chance to dress you one day.”

“You could at least buy me dinner first,” he said without thinking.

There was a heartbeat, then Marinette burst out laughing.

“Smooth line, Couffaine. Does that work on all the girls?”

“I wouldn’t know.” He decided to lean into it, and grinned at her. “I’ve only ever tried it on you. Is it working?”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “How are you still single?” she asked.

“You’re a hard act to follow,” he said, and Marinette levelled a look at him.

“Luka, I was a fourteen year old clumsy mess who kept on flaking out on our dates. You can’t tell me I’m the gold standard of your relationships.”

Put like that, it was ridiculous, but it was true nonetheless. He’d had relationships, and they were sincere in the moment, but he’d drifted out of them as easily as he’d drifted into them, and they’d left him with little more than fond memories. None of them had left a mark like Marinette had. Over the years, he’d put it down to rose-coloured nostalgia, but then she’d walked into his life again, more Marinette than ever, and he’d fallen harder and faster than he had before.

He looked down at the mug of coffee in his hands.

“How about you? Anyone special in your life these days?” he asked the coffee with casual disinterest. She gave a soft snort.

“Hardly. It’s not like anything’s changed since we were going out.” She seemed to catch herself, and froze as Luka’s head came up to stare at her. “I just… mean, who’s got time for a relationship, right? Life’s too busy.”

“Not since we were going out?” Luka echoed her, frowning. “Marinette, you were fourteen. You haven’t dated anyone since then?”

She shrugged uncomfortably. “I dated. It just never lasts long. It’s not that big a deal. And besides,” she muttered, “I’ve learned my lesson, the universe doesn’t want me to have a relationship.”

She put her mug abruptly on the table and stood.

“Weren’t we supposed to be practising?”

Luka got to his feet and reached for his guitar. Clearly this was a line of conversation that Marinette did not want to go down with him, and he dropped the subject to run through the song with her a few times, correcting her gently when her voice faltered.

He had to wonder, though, what the hell was wrong with the men in Marinette’s life that had left her love life such a sore subject?

Luka stopped again to make a suggestion about phrasing and breath control.

“All that time, never even knowing just how blind I’ve been,” Marinette tried again, sounding more confident with the slightly awkward vocal skips this time, and Luka gave her a smile.

“See?” he told her. “Fashion designer to the stars, artist, and now singer. You can add that to your résumé.”

He’d finally coaxed a laugh out of her, and then Marinette’s handbag buzzed. Luka watched the smile drop off her face. Her eyes flicked to the door. “I’m really sorry, I have to go. I have… a thing…”

She was gone before he could say anything further. For a moment, Luka sat there with his guitar silent in his lap, frowning thoughtfully. Apparently she was right – not much had changed in the ten years since they’d been kids together. There were still the abrupt excuses, the silences, the sudden disappearances.

Luka plucked out Now she’s here, shining in the starlight, and he considered the empty space where she’d been. He was coming to suspect that whatever had been going on when they were kids, whatever she’d been keeping to herself when she broke it off with him, it was something bigger than he’d imagined.

At that moment, Luka’s own phone chimed with an akuma alert, and the timing of it was jarring. His hand dropped, as it always did, to touch his empty wrist. He looked down at it, his frown growing troubled as a new thought took hold.

He found himself thinking back over the timing of some of those disappearances, and odd excuses, and the times she’d had just a little more knowledge of Ladybug's movements than any random civilian ought to, but it had all sounded so plausible at the time. Seen through this new lens, those moments took on a new significance the more he turned them over in his mind.

Black pigtails, unmistakeable blue eyes. The same damn plain black earrings that Marinette, the consummate fashion designer, was still wearing ten years later.

How had he never put it together before?

Luka was still sitting there, his hands resting on his guitar and his gaze fixed on nothing, when Juleka and Rose came home.

“Where’s Marinette?” Rose asked in obvious disappointment when she took in the quiet room.

“She had to leave,” Luka replied absently.

“Luka! You just let her leave?”

Luka could see the tiny frown that he was feeling reflected in his sister’s face, although he wasn’t sure what had prompted it in Juleka’s case.

“I’m not going to badger her into staying if she needs to go, Rose,” he said mildly.

Rose threw up her hands. “And how is she supposed to know you want her to stay if you don’t tell her? I don’t get why you’re both fighting this so hard. She’s single, you’re single, but both of you are too chicken to make the first move.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Juleka interjected, shooting a dark look at her brother. “Because I remember weeks and weeks of Taylor fucking Swift, and I do not want to go through that again.”

“That was ten years ago! You cannot tell me that there’s not something there!” Rose whirled and stabbed a finger at Luka. “You can’t argue with the Sparkly Sense.”

Luka was only half paying attention to the argument, and responded vaguely, “Marinette has too much going on in her life right now to worry about a relationship with anyone.” Like saving the city, over and over and over again, holy shit, she was Ladybug.

Once seen, it was hard to understand how he could have missed it, and his mind briefly derailed to speculate that it must be some sort of kwami-induced magic that obscured her identity. Given how adamant Ladybug had been back in the day that the secret of the miraculous holders’ identities had to be preserved, and how hard she had worked since then to maintain that secrecy, Luka had a bad feeling about how things would go if he told her that he knew.

He was about to become another crack in her armour, another worry dumped on her already overloaded shoulders. Although, what did he really know, when all was said and done? He had his suspicions, nothing more.

“Hopeless, the both of you,” Rose complained, and glared at Juleka. “Don’t you want your brother to live happily ever after?”

“I don’t want to have to live through weeks of I Almost Do again, because my stupid brother hasn’t got the sense he was born with, and you’re just encouraging him.”

Rose stomped away, muttering things under her breath, but Juleka stayed silent after that. His guitar still in his hand, Luka got to his feet and headed for his bedroom before Rose could come back and start again. He had too much else on his mind to deal with Rose’s matchmaking.

Every time he thought Marinette couldn’t get any more extraordinary, she surprised him all over again, but the music he played softly in the solitude of his room that night ached with all the burdens he’d seen in her eyes.

Some time later, he heard a soft knock on his door and it opened quietly. When he looked up, Juleka was leaning there, her hand on the door handle and a look of equal parts irritation and uneasiness on her face.

“Luka –“

“I’m fine,” he cut her off before she could say what he knew she was going to say. “I know what I’m doing, and it’s all good.”

Juleka’s mouth pinched. “Do you, though? Because from where I’m standing, we’re heading for Taylor territory again.”

Luka didn’t answer, his focus on his hands and the fragments of melody that he’d come to think of as Marinette’s song. Eventually he heard a sigh, and Juleka said, “I love you, you dumbass.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

The door shut behind her, and he was left alone with his thoughts and Marinette’s secrets.

~~~~~

“You’re playing with fire,” warned the voice of responsibility in Marinette’s handbag, and Marinette sighed. She shifted the bulky dress bags in her hands so that she could see the little round face peering up at her.

“It’s just a dress fitting, Tikki. Can’t I even have friends anymore?”

“It’s Luka,” the tiny kwami said primly. “Things never stay just friends with Luka, and I saw the way you’ve been looking at him. Remember what happened the last time you told someone?”

“That was ten years ago, and Luka is not Alya. Don’t you think things have changed a bit since then?”

“It never ends well,” Tikki insisted, and Marinette felt the weight of Ladybug closing in on her all over again. She looked up at the Liberty as she drew closer, and had never felt less free in her life.

“Don’t worry, Luka’s not even going to be there,” she said wearily. “Juleka said he’s got something tonight, so it’ll just be her and Rose there. And anyway, there’s no chance he’d ever be interested in me like that again.” Because if there was a chance, then Marinette would have to walk away now before she could do any more damage, and she’d never get to see Luka again. She couldn’t do that. She just couldn’t.

“Luka was a wonderful holder for Sass,” Tikki conceded, “but he’s always been a little too perceptive for comfort. If he were to find out…”

“We’re here,” Marinette said, cutting off the rest of Tikki’s dire predictions. The kwami vanished into the depths of her handbag, and Marinette maneouvred the dress bags carefully as she climbed the gangplank onto the boat and called a greeting as she reached the empty deck.

In spite of her mood after Tikki’s lecture, she felt a tiny smile curl her lips as Rose’s answering shriek echoed up from below deck, and she followed the sound down into the depths of the boat.

“Marinette!” Rose scolded reproachfully as Marinette descended carefully into the galley with the two dress bags in her hand and moved through into the living room. “You didn’t even say goodbye last time! We got back and you were just gone.”

Marinette held the dresses clear as Rose engulfed her in a whirlwind hug, and turned to meet Juleka’s more sedate greeting. The dark-haired girl gave her a nod and a quirk of a smile that turned to a frown when Rose gave her girlfriend a smug look.

Rose turned towards the bedrooms, and bellowed, “Luka! Look who’s here!”

“What’s up?” she heard Luka’s voice, and felt her heart stutter. Oh, that wasn’t good. Luka swung around the edge of the door, leaning against the frame behind his sister as he directed a slow, sweet smile at Marinette.

“Hey, you,” he said, and Marinette couldn’t help but smile back at him. Juleka rolled her eyes and slugged her brother in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Juleka!” Rose scolded.

“Weren’t you going out? Rose said you had a thing tonight,” Juleka said, and Luka frowned at her.

“Not for another hour. The band we were going to check out isn’t on til later.”

“Did I say eight?” Rose said innocently to the ceiling. “I meant nine. Oops.”

Marinette found herself standing there awkwardly holding the dress bags, her eyes shifting between the three of them.

“You don’t want to keep the guys waiting if you said you’d be there,” Juleka pushed.

“I only said I might,” Luka said, shooting his sister an annoyed look.

“Besides, he can catch them another time,” Rose insisted, staring at her girlfriend with a pointed message that Juleka ignored for once. “They won’t mind, and Marinette’s here now.”

Luka elbowed Juleka aside none too gently and came into the room. “I’m getting a coffee. Did you want anything, Mari?”

“I’d like a coffee,” Juleka said in a saccharine voice, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

“I didn’t ask you, monster child.”

“You don’t have to stay on my account,” Marinette told Luka. “I’m only here to do the final dress fitting.”

“Oh no!” Rose protested. “You have to stay for dinner. It’s the least we can do after everything you’ve done with the wedding dresses.”

“You haven’t even seen the finished thing yet,” Marinette pointed out, and felt a flush rising at the smile that Luka was giving her.

“We don’t need to see them to know they’re going to be incredible,” he said. “And it wasn’t important. I was only half thinking of going out anyway.”

The noise Juleka made was not polite, and Luka made a rude gesture back without looking at his sister.

“Well,” said Rose brightly. “How about we leave them to it? They’re going to be doing this for a while.”

In Juleka’s bedroom, Marinette didn’t have to ask Rose if she was happy with her wedding dress once she’d settled the clouds of soft pink organza around her and done up the miles of tiny buttons. Rose was making a noise like a tea kettle on the boil that rose to a squeal of happiness as she spun around in front of Juleka’s bedroom mirror. Handbeaded organza flowers spilled down in glittering trails across the skirts as she turned, and Rose raised a hand to touch the flowers that clustered all over her bodice.

“It’s perfect!” she breathed. She made a move as if she was going to throw her arms around Marinette, but Marinette fended her off with a laugh.

“Hug me when we get you out of the dress,” she smiled. “How does it feel? Nothing slipping, or too tight?”

“It’s perfect,” Rose repeated, her voice turning a little wobbly with emotion.

When Marinette finally got Rose to stop twirling around for long enough to take the gown off again, they headed back to the living room to find the Couffaine siblings glaring at each other. Luka looked away as they came in, his mouth pressed in a tight line, and Juleka spun on her heel, stalking towards the bedroom without a word, leaving Marinette to follow.

She carefully removed Juleka’s wedding dress from its hanger while her friend stripped down to her underwear and slipped her formal shoes on, and then Marinette started easing Juleka into the gown.

“Mari, what’s really going on with you and Luka?” Juleka asked, her voice a little muffled by the softly glittering black fabric over her head. Marinette slid the dress down and settled it into place. “I love you, but he’s my brother and I’m worried about him.”

“We’re just friends,” Marinette said, and suppressed a flinch at the words. Juleka rolled her eyes.

“You were never just friends even when you were just friends. And the last time I thought you were just friends it turned out you’d been dating my idiot brother. So excuse me if I’m not buying it.”

Marinette swallowed at that, stung but unable to argue the point.

“Believe me, Juleka, I’m well aware of how badly I fucked up back then, and the last thing I want to do is hurt Luka like that again,” she said, insistent in the face of Juleka’s scepticism.

“You won’t mean to, but Luka gets stupid when you’re involved.”

“That was ten years ago,” Marinette protested.

“That was two minutes ago.”

Juleka’s exasperated words provoked a cold wash of dismay. Juleka had to be mistaken. Luka was long over her, he had to be. Somewhere deep down, though, Marinette felt a tiny fireworks explosion of something that she didn’t dare acknowledge.

“The moment you turn up, he drops everything without a second thought,” Juleka muttered as Marinette eased the hidden zip up. Marinette stepped back, and Juleka turned to face the mirror.

“Wow. Damn, Marinette,” she breathed. She angled herself a little, her eyes still on her reflection in the mirror. “I take it all back. You’re welcome to wreck my dumbass brother, as long as I get to keep this dress.”

Marinette gave a tightlipped little smile, and went back to regarding the gown with a critical eye. There really didn’t seem to be much that needed adjusting. She repositioned the crystal chipped dragon brooch that coiled over Juleka’s hip, where it caught up the fall of the fabric, but it all seemed to be working.

She extracted Juleka from the gown again, and back in the living room Rose was sprawled on the couch, scrolling through something on her phone. Luka had his guitar in his hands again, strumming something with his coffee forgotten on the table beside him. He looked up as Marinette and Juleka came in.

“How’s the dress?” he asked.

“It’s stunning,” Juleka said, and heaved a put-upon sigh. “I can’t stop you from being stupid, but at least you have good taste.”

He gave her a suspicious look, his eyes shifting to Marinette when there was no further explanation forthcoming. “What was that all about?”

Marinette shrugged awkwardly, but fortunately he didn’t press her on it.

“So are we doing Thai or that new Indian place tonight? There’s nothing on the Akuma alert,” Rose said from the couch, “but there is a new theory about who Ladybug is on the conspiracy forums.”

“Aliens, or the Mayor’s secret revenge love child this time?” Juleka asked, dropping onto the couch beside her.

“I miss the Ladyblog,” Rose said, stretching her arms over her head. “Remember that time Alya thought that Chloe was Ladybug?”

Marinette remembered.

On the couch, Juleka laughed. “How is Alya,” she asked, and tilted her head to throw a look at Marinette. “Have you seen her lately?”

Alya again. The universe seemed determined to beat her over the head with her failures. She opened her eyes to find them all watching her, and she gave a strained and unconvincing smile.

“Not recently. I think she’s working in a travel agency now. It’s been a few years, though.”

Nearly six years, to be exact, since she’d last bumped into Alya.

“Jules,” Luka said casually, “how about you and Ro go pick up dinner? Mari and I really should work on the song for the wedding a bit more.”

It was a transparent excuse to shift the subject and give her a bit of space, and she was grateful for it, even if Rose did give Luka a very unsubtle wink that he pretended to not see. Rose and Juleka didn’t seem to have noticed anything odd, but Luka threw her a quick glance as he laughed at something Rose said, and reached out to toss his wallet at Juleka, who pulled a few euros from it and threw it back. Marinette managed to respond lightly enough to a question about her preferences, and by the time it was just her and Luka she’d pulled herself together again.

“I take it that things aren’t good with Alya,” he said gently.

She shrugged, and the smile she gave him was a little unsteady. “Our friendship didn’t end well. We don’t talk to each other anymore.”

It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it was as close as she could get without giving away too much. There was no way she could explain how her former best friend had looked straight through her as if she was a stranger the last time they’d run into each other, or the sickening wash of guilt, remorse, and self-loathing she still felt over the reason behind it, even after all these years.

“It was a long time ago,” she said as easily as she could manage, but Luka had always been able to read her better than that. His hand closed over hers briefly, reassuring and strong, and for a moment she let herself draw on his warmth.

“It still leaves a mark, though, doesn’t it?” he said.

She couldn’t help wondering a little bitterly how different things might have been if she’d told Luka everything, instead of Alya, back when she was fourteen. Would it have been Luka looking at her with that terrible emptiness?

Marinette broke eye contact and pulled her hand away to wrap it around her now-cold mug. She was aware that Luka was regarding her as if he saw a lot more than she was letting on, but he didn’t push for more. Instead, he got to his feet.

“I need another coffee,” he said, and gave her a questioning look. “Tea for you?”

She took the distraction, and followed him into the galley.

Luka kept to safe subjects after that, telling her about the group of students he’d been working with after school, and a gig that had gone disastrously wrong, until she couldn’t help but giggle when he described the drummer slowly sliding off his stool and passing out face down on his snare drum.

“It actually improved the quality of his playing,” Luka said wryly.

And he laughed when she countered with an account of Chloe Bourgeois commisioning her to design and make an outfit last season.

“I don’t think she’d even considered that MDC might stand for Marinette Dupain-Cheng until she turned up for the fitting,” Marinette grinned. “You should have seen the look on her face, though.”

“Ridiculous!” Luka scoffed in a passable immitation of the Mayor’s daughter, and waved his hand in the air as Marinette giggled at him. “Utterly ridiculous!”

“And of course, nothing was good enough. She couldn’t believe I was expecting her to pay full price for such shoddy workmanship. I should be paying her to wear my rags.”

“Tell me you told her where to shove it,” Luka said, and folded his arms on the benchtop, leaning forward in anticipation. Marinette’s smile grew broader.

“Oh, better than that. I told her if it wasn’t to her satisfaction she was welcome to leave the dress and I’d cancel her contract, and I’d even waive the cancellation fee because we’d known each other such a long time. I was very helpful. I told her I was sure I could find someone willing to buy it instead, and Clara Nightingale had already seen it and asked if it was for sale. Which was true,” she added as an afterthought.

“And?”

Marinette tilted her chin, her smile turning smug. “She took the dress, of course. And ordered another one under a fake name a month later.”

“Seriously?”

“B. Queen, to be delivered to the Grand Paris Hotel. With her exact measurements. Seriously.”

Luka tipped his head back and laughed hard, and Marinette lost herself in the sound. God, he was a beautiful man.

Next to the couch in the living room, her handbag shuffled in agitation, and Marinette ignored it, but her smile faded in response to the reminder.

“Marinette,” Luka said more seriously, and when she looked up his blue eyes had deepened into something that was a little hard to read. He frowned a little, as if he was trying to decide what he should say. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but I get the feeling that things haven’t been so easy for you. I know it’s been hard to let yourself get close to anyone.”

He was speaking slowly, measuring out each word carefully, and it felt like there was a whole lot he deliberately wasn’t saying.

“I just need you to know, the Liberty is always a safe place. We’re here for you. I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

It would be so easy, so very easy, to fall into those ocean deep eyes and fall into his arms, and tell him everything. That was what made Luka Couffaine so dangerous to be around. With ten years of Tikki’s constant litany of concealment and duty ringing in her ears, Marinette clamped her mouth shut on all her secrets even as a tiny voice in the back of her head pleaded but this is Luka.

“Weren’t we supposed to practise the song?” Marinette blurted out, and felt the heat of an embarrassed flush rise in her cheeks. She hadn’t felt this thrown in years.

Luka accepted the abrupt shift with nothing more than a nod and a soft smile, as if he’d expected it.

“Back to the Disney salt mines,” he said drily, and startled a laugh out of her. “Don’t tell Rose I said that. She’d have me tried for treason.”

“How did we get ourselves into this?” Marinette asked, and Luka chuckled.

“Well, Ro loves Disney, no surprise there, and Jules loves Ro.”

“And you love them both,” Marinette said softly.

“And you’d do anything for the people you care about, even agree to sing at their wedding if they asked you to,” Luka said just as gently, and they exchanged glances. “So here we are, knee deep in Disney magic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to sit through Cinderella, both versions, and I can recite Tangled in my sleep.” His smile softened. “I’m developing a new appreciation for it, though.”

Marinette dropped her gaze, avoiding his eyes. He said in an easier manner, “I have to admit, there’s some great music. You should hear Rose belt out Let It Go sometime, and Jules did an incredible cover of Once Upon a Dream one Valentine’s Day for Rose.”

“What about you? Do you ever sing along?” she asked, trying to match his tone.

“What do you think? Music nerd here.”

He rapped out a solid, syncopated beat on the benchtop, and that husky voice of his sang, “Tatou o tagata folau...” She couldn’t help grinning, and he grinned back as he segued into a phrase from Circle of Life before riffing a bit of the simple bear necessities, and then finished on “You’re welcome, and thank you!” as she burst out laughing.

“Good music is good music,” he said with a shrug. “I get a lot of eyerolling from some of the kids when I start talking Disney in class, but it’s a starting point for a lot of discussion, and it turns out everyone always has their favourite song.”

“So what about you? What’s your favourite?” she asked, and he said easily, “Oh, there are a lot I could go with. It all depends on my mood.”

“Yes, but if you had to pick one?”

She wasn’t sure why she was pushing, and he hesitated for a long moment. Just when she thought he was going to brush it off, he reached for his guitar.

“It’s not strictly Disney, but ...” She didn’t recognise the soft, rippling intro that he played, and it wasn’t until he started singing that she worked out what it was.

He didn’t look at her as he sang about someday, out of the blue. It didn’t have to mean anything, it was just a song, he could have been thinking about anyone, but when he sang about still believing and still having faith in a voice that was far too heartfelt, Marinette felt her breath catch.

She couldn’t be doing this to him all over again.

~~~~~

He knew, the moment that his hands stilled on the guitar strings, that he’d gone too far and given away too much. The stricken look on Marinette’s face made that blatantly clear.

From the doorway, Rose breathed, “Oh Luka, that was lovely!”

Juleka dropped the bags of takeaway on the table and muttered something, while Luka watched Marinette and felt his heart sink like a stone.

“We so have to do a Road to El Dorado movie night tonight,” Rose was saying brightly. “You’re staying, aren’t you, Marinette? Otherwise Luka’s going to be the odd man out again.”

“I wish I could,” Marinette said. “I… I have to go. Sorry, Rose, maybe another time.” Her glance flickered in his direction. “Sorry. I’m really sorry I can’t stay for dinner after all.”

She scrambled her things together, dropping her handbag and coming up red-faced. This was more like the Marinette he remembered from their teenage years, and it brought up some difficult memories. She flashed an awkward smile in answer to Rose’s protests, and then she was gone.

“Well,” Rose said, staring at the empty doorway. “I guess Marinette’s still Marinette.”

“Rose!” Luka’s voice cracked like glass, and his future sister-in-law’s eyes widened at Luka’s uncharacteristically sharp tone. “Remember all those plans to get Marinette and Adrien together?” How well did those work out?”

“But this is different!” Rose protested.

“This is no different. No more plans. I’ve screwed things badly enough as it is.”

He drew in a deep breath and blew it out again, thinking of all those secrets that Marinette had to keep, and the distances that had grown in her life because of them. More quietly, he said, “Marinette could really use a few good friends in her life. I don’t want her to lose us again because we’re pushing for more than she can give.”

“I…” Rose looked away, biting her lip, and then met his eyes. “Yeah, I get it.”

Dinner was quieter than usual, and Luka ignored the perturbed glances his sister kept shooting him. He pushed the food around, barely tasting it, and put it aside when he couldn’t pretend he was actually eating it anymore.

Luka swung away from the table, his phone in his hand, and hesitated, then he texted Marinette before he could talk himself out of it.

+Sorry about that. Rose has promised to back off on the matchmaking – I think she’s just got wedding fever. Want to run through the song one more time before the wedding?+

It wasn’t Rose’s schemes, though. He knew that. Marinette was taking far too long for it to mean anything good, although he kept trying to tell himself that she might not be able to answer, she might be in the middle of something, she might have her phone off... Juleka muttered at him to stop fidgeting so much, god, you’re driving me crazy, before it finally chimed with a response.

+I think I know it now+ she sent back. +See you next week+

Luka stared numbly at the words on his screen. It was happening all over again, and this time he had no defences left. Juleka was watching him with a look of exasperated sympathy.

“You’re just as stupid as you ever were,” she told him, and Luka exhaled heavily. It was hard to argue with that.

[deplatform]

A very long word vomit about The Traveler’s age because some people still insist that they’re minor or have “minor body” and I’ve had enough

Note: I’m referring to the English voicelines because I don’t have enough understanding of the original Chinese dub. Also, I’m gonna refer The Twins with they/them since either one can be Traveler or Abyss Twin.

It’s pretty much already established from the Archon Quest (Act 1: Chapter IV) that the twins are at least 500+ years so I’m not gonna delve deep into it. Here’s some things people bring out every time The Traveler’s age brought up

Characters’ voicelines about The Traveler being underage

The Traveler’s origin isn’t known to just anyone. Of course there are people who are aware of The Traveler’s origin such as Fischl & Xinyan (from their voicelines) and the Archons. But most people only know The Traveler as “traveler from afar” which is what Amber introduced them as to Kaeya in the prologue. 

And even before meeting Kaeya, Paimon only introduced The Traveler to Amber in an ambiguous manner (that they’re lost their sibling in a long journey) and not mentioning anything about another world. 

The Traveler also praised Albedo when they first met after he correctly concluded that they’re from another world.

If everyone know that Traveler is not from Teyvat, the above exchange wouldn’t make sense. So it’s safe to assume most people (and NPCs) are just assuming Traveler’s age and not letting them drink, which brings us to the next point.

People won’t let The Traveler drink

Honestly I don’t remember any NPC that forbade The Traveler to drink but I saw some people mentioning Charles? I don’t remember when that happened but in the idle dialogue, he gives The Traveler liquor recommendations

Also since Venti’s and Kaeya’s voicelines are most frequently brought up in this argument I’m gonna bring that up too:

Kaeya, as mentioned before, is assumed to not know about The Traveler’s true origin. Also, in Windblume Festival he offered The Traveler wine (should this indicate that he now knows about The Traveler’s being an alien??? save that for another lore discussion). 

Venti’s voiceline is from the middle of the prologue, where he showed no sign of knowing The Traveler’s origin, or at least hide it because Jean and Diluc were also there. Later though, in Zhongli’s voiceline (which took place after the prologue and Liyue arc), Venti apparently gave some alcohol to The Traveler and tricked them into getting drunk.

It’s worth mentioning The Traveler acts annoyed whenever people refuse serving them drinks on multiple occasion yet never tried to correct them. I’ve seen people mentioning that China have laws about this and The Traveler drinking in game would count as “alcohol promotion” which put Mhy at risk of getting banned or having to change the game’s rating (which isn’t good if you want as many players as you can). I can’t verify this because I don’t understand ch law and I’m not spending my time learning about game censorship law in china.

They’re still minor mentally/still have the mind of a minor because they slept in those 500 years

The Twins are immortal beings and can’t age physically. We can see the Abyss Twin (who didn’t sleep for 500 years) still looks the same as before the Unknown God took them away. And how do you know that they’ve only lived for, say, 15 years before sleeping? The Traveler is shown to be mature and capable of making difficult decision like an adult. 

Also it’s funny that people mostly bring out the number 15 or 14 from speculating about Mondstat’s drinking age being 16 yo (like Germany irl), even though it’s pretty much confirmed that the drinking age in Mondstat is 18 yo (pictured: Diluc’s 18th birthday bash from the manga)

and finally for the most popular argument:

It doesn’t matter they’re 500 years old, they still have a minor body

1. What the fuck is a minor body 2. Mhy only uses 5 body models and those models are supposed to represent people in a variety of ages. The body models are not indicative of their ages. Not everyone with that model are the same age and not everyone with different models have different ages. 

Regarding to characters’ age, I think Fischl is the only one we vaguely know about their age from her vision lore, she’s at least 16 or older (she received her vision at 14 and we know no one has received electro vision in the last 2 years). Noelle explicitly tells us she’s not old enough to drink, while Hu Tao is described to already passed her teenage years. Keqing is one of Liyue Qinxing, you know, people with the highest influence over Liyue’s whole economy and is unlikely to be a teenager. And they ALL have the same model.

3. People who looks younger than they are actually are exist in real life lmao (from being short like me or have baby face)

Also worth mentioning the “we’re only getting dating event with minor characters so The Traveler is minor-coded” argument:

None of those character have confirmed age, let me remind you that body models are not indicative of the character’s age

It’s a hangout event, not “dating event”

You people will lose your mind when future hangout events come lmao (like with Diona or other other characters that doesn’t have young girl/young boy body models) 

“I hope Mhy would release official age to make this clear”

I don’t think they’ll do that because The Traveler is a self-insert character. Stating a clear age would make some people relate even less to The Traveler’s character. Even if Mhy eventually gives The Traveler official age, it’d be super old like 1000+ or something (there’s actually a popular theory about the twins actually being 1000+ years old. It’s connected to Honkai Impact’s universe but idk enough about HI3 to talk about it)

And honestly, The Traveler’s age doesn’t matter. Like I said, it’s a self-insert. Which means, people can interpret it as freely as they want. It’s not important to the story progression afterall. Mhy gave us a room for different interpretation by keeping it ambiguous. As long as you don’t attack random people on the internet for thinking differently, you’re good.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

TL;DR: It doesn’t matter if  u think the traveler minor or not, just don’t harass people who think differently. Read the bold parts for details

[ophelialoveshandsomemen]

Cristo y Tú vivís en mi corazón.

 Capítulo Dos.( second chapter.)

Warnings: mentions of blood, wounds, seizures, medical procedures, self indulgent use of an ABBA song, Catholicism, maybe a swear or two. If you are under 18…please go to sleep instead and do not read my works!!!!

Medikua; is Basque for Doctor. Espagnole is French for Spaniard. I realize he’s not a spaniard but hispanic however she doesn’t know that and espagnole can sorta mean someone who speaks spanish if you will.

And yeah, I used an ABBA song. Guilty pleasure of mine and -Fernando- just shouts romance with El Catorce for me, so voila! Enjoy!

***********************************************************************************

 Medikua Hermenigilde Hortense, or Doc Hortense as he is more commonly known, is Isabeau's nearest neighbour from 6 and 3/4's of a mile away. A kind 88 year old man of Basque and French descent and the best medical man this side of the Atlantic, he came over to ask Isabeau if she could perhaps spare him an onion or two for his supper. Then promptly found her hunched over a strange, injured Hispanic man almost a km into her 'woods'. Luckily, he rode the donkey cart in. Making the delicate job of transporting said caballero back to the house much more stress free.

 Isabeau sat on the floor of the cart, the ragged cotton quilt he keeps on his seat to fend off the cold now draped across her lap to cushion the patient's head. As his donkey walked the trail to her house, the doc turned his head towards the back. The stranger is still unconscious, and Isabeau gently brushes his hair from his forehead, with her right hand keeping steady pressure on his wounds.

 That punctured lung is worrying him. Not because he doesn't have the equipment to treat such an injury. Of course he has the correct equipment, he is, after all, ex-military and he knows people, for God's sake. But because it's a punctured lung caused by a machine gunshot, something the good doctor can spot a mile away. Those are never pretty or easy to treat and almost always end fatally. How this young pup has stayed alive for this long is beyond him! Must be his guardian angel putting in much needed overtime...

*******************************************************************************************

  Isabeau has officially gone into shock. Or a panic attack. In this situation there can't be much difference, one is just as useless as the other. She vaguely wonders if it's a result of falling out of the cherry tree or of finding a badly wounded, Hispanic man in her woods. Both, in all honesty.

She still cradles his head in her lap and is monitoring his breathing almost constantly.

'"Doc, his breathing is getting to be quite laboured. Can I do something?"

 Doc hears the heavy worry saturating her tone. And makes the donkey pick up his pace.

" Alright, try hanging his legs off the end of the cart, get his blood to rush to his feet instead of into his lungs. And settle his back fully on your lap to elevate his heart level even more. But do it slowly, girl. Slow and steady."

 He turned back his head many times as he ordered her to ensure she didn't accidently jostle the boy wrong. He had noticed her complexion become paler. "Breathe, Isabeau, breathe! I don't need the both of you passed out in a donkey cart on me. I'm far too old to deal with this all by myself."

 She wordlessly nodded. Her returning nausea didn't thank her for it. She subconsciously and minutely tightened her grip around the caballero's shoulders, consequentially pressing his scalp further against her stomach, mildly alleviating her need to lose her guts. She could feel his shallow breath in the crook of her left arm, quick, wheezing in and outs with a few of the inhales resulting in short choking fits. By now, both her arms and her naked thighs made her appear to be a human incarnation of a battlefield, stained scarlet with the lifeblood of young men, ( or of one young man, in this instance).

 His heartbeat, Isabeau could faintly feel thrumming in a rhythm too slow and unsteady for her comfort.

 She began to sing. Softly. For her comfort. For his comfort. In order to forget the pain in her head from the fall. In hopes to ground the wounded man in her arms. To gently guide him back to the land of the living through his sense of hearing. Isabeau knows from both her studies in university and her own brief dabblings in mild hypnosis and lucid subconsciousness that a person who has lost consciousness, either from sleep, or pain, or loss of blood, can still register, deep in the recesses of their mind, sounds and voices and even full conversations. But they especially hear singing.

 So, Isabeau sings.

 The melody is the first that pops up in her brain, a song from one of the numerous cd's she keeps in her 2001 Ford f-250 King Ranch. An ABBA Gold cd, if she recalls correctly. She can't remember all the words, so instead she hums when her mind is blank of lyrics.

Can you hear the drums, Fernando? I remember long ago another starry night like this.

 They hit a tiny bump in the road, not even enough to bother the steed pulling the cart, but more than enough to send a jolt of pain coursing through the caballero.

In the firelight, Fernando

 The pain noticeable in the wince upon his face, causing the girl to expect him to awaken soon. However much she dreads to see the pain etched on his brow, at least he would show more sign of life than now. She continues to hum.

You were singing to yourself and softly strumming your guitar!

 A thought briefly flitters across her mind. She wonders if he plays guitar? Or perhaps he sings? Maybe his voice is strong, loud and boisterous. Or is it smooth and deep? Or he dances? Perhaps none of these and he prefers to sits in the sidelines and enjoy the talents of others instead...

And I'm not afraid to say the roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry!

" Almost there cerisette, which door?" "Uh...the back garden door has no stairs and is the closest to my bedroom." "Oh, your bedroom huh!" "My bed's on the floor. Easier to care for him that way."

There was something in the air that night. The stars were bright, Fernando!

Her chorus much slower and more weary than the original.

They were shining down for you and me, for liberty, Fernando!

The doctor steers the cart off the driveway and towards the house.

Though we never thought that we could lose, there's no regret.

They round the last corner of the house, stopping a few feet away from the door, back end turned to the door.

 If I had to do the same again, I would, my friend, Fernando!

******************************************************************************************* Three Hours Later....

Isabeau was exhausted.

 They'd been barely successful in carrying the still unknown man into her bed before he slightly awoke, only for him to begin having seizures while she went away in her pickup to Doc's house, grabbing the direly needed equipment for the procedure. Mercifully, he'd only had two minor fits before Doc stabilized him enough to treat the wounds.

Which had taken nearly three hours.

 She'd held his hand through most of it. But no one, including herself, could genuinely tell you if she'd done that for his comfort or her own...

She honestly can't recall much else.

 She stood in the bathroom down the hall from her bedroom, furiously but tiredly scrubbing at the blood stubbornly caught beneath her fingernails, staining her hands, sticking to the plush hairs on her arms, seeped deep into the fabric of the old yellow plaid shirt she'd swapped her lacy 70's top for...

 Her thoughts were disrupted by the good old doc gently placing his freshly washed hands upon her shoulder.

 " Get some rest cerisette. The sun may still be awake but you shouldn't be. The caballero is safe now...and so are you. " He sighs. " I am going home for a few hours. Call me if you need me. But get some rest."

 With that, Doc Hortense leaves the room. And yes, he did grab a proffered onion on the way.

*******************************************************************************************

 She carefully pads across her own bedroom, silent as a Trappist monk, to not disturb her espagnole, as she's begun to call him in her mind. She decides against simply grabbing her sleep clothes and changing somewhere else. Instead she stays standing before her dresser, in full view of son espagnole if he were to awaken. Which he doesn't. She swaps her soiled plaid shirt and jeans shorts for a comfortable pair of well-worn navy flannel pants and a soft long sleeved beige cotton undershirt. No underpinnings either. Girl likes her freedom too much to subject herself to that.

 Still a tad too wired up to fully rest, what with the time only being around 8:30 or so, Isabeau cautiously rummages through his minor belongings. Carelessly thrown to the side whilst his life was in danger, now she takes everything in her hands as if it's a precious object. She gingerly folds the white linen jacket, the torn beige button-up, the filthy knit cotton undershirt and the striped wool pants, putting them to the side to be washed later.

 Next come the gun holsters and the bullet belts, made of beautifully well crafted leather, the stitching somehow immaculate. Without a doubt handmade. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Isabeau gets the barest nudge that there is no way in hell this was made within the last 50 years. They seem worn: however, they can't be older than a three or four years.

 What intrigues her the most about the belts and the holsters, besides being nearly completely full, is the embroidered cross upon the pistol holster. No outlaw trusts that much in God, but no soldier dresses like this. Perhaps a revolutionary from Southern America way back...in...the...

 She quickly makes the connection between the guns and the age of the leather and the medallion of La Virgen, the fact that he was shot by a machine gun, mass manufactured and distributed to many governments by Americans in the time she's thinking of.. She may be wrong, but an inkling tells her that she probably isn't. She walks hurriedly back to the bed, sits gently cross-legged on the side where she will rest and softly stares at her sleeping espagnole. Several minutes, or maybe hours, pass and then, she whispers, to the unconscious man, to the dark, to the angels, to God, to herself.

"There's a Cristero in my bed!"

________________________________________________________________

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[rinharu-purple]

Relationship Goals: Ch 15

Flows of tears being wiped away by the fingertips of love- dreamless night skies full of stars - a heavy heart washed clean by the rain - hot sweat and cold droplets of water-  a simple “good night” and a “good morning” - that all too well known scent - the excruciating pain of yet another “goodbye”- a blood drenched jacket that’s long lost its owner’s warmth...Name of Faith 

Being the solidifying chapter of my Gavin stanness, chapter 15 has a very special place in my heart. On the other hand, the whole chapter is the very embodiment of “relationship goals”, ensuring that in the MLQC universe MC and Gavin’s relationship is the most harmonious, mature and loving one. The chapter is about an hour-ish long so you could guess how long this analysis will take to read but it surely will be much less than it took me writing it, I promise ;)

At the end of chapter 14 MC had to say goodbye to Kiro without knowing if he would survive the fight against tens of BS men and carry the burden of being the key individual who can put an end to the out of control EVOL outrage. She was heartbroken about Lucien’s betrayal and was worried as hell about Victor’s whereabouts. She was still struggling under the overbearing weight of having to play the role of the “Queen” all the while being one of the last remaining people who still bear to think about the whole TV- tower incident. She’s found herself doubting the meaning of her existence and couldn’t help but feel as though she wouldn’t belong there. At the beginning of Ch 15  we find an MC that hit the rock bottom and is therefore deeply depressed. This is the first time she’s shown such a distressed psyché. So this is how the chapter starts...MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in thoughts and looking for reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist.

To have and to hold...

While she is buried in negative thoughts Gavin shows up at her place to give her the good news that there are no more signs of EVOL fluctuations and that STF’s investigation ends as of that day. This results in a real smile blossoming on MC’s face and then her concern switches to Gavin’s well-being. This first dialogue between them is already an embodiment of the foundation of their relationship. Gavin and MC’s main concern is always the well-being of the other. Sure, Gavin and MC always put others before themselves so they both have an altruistic character, however if protecting any other person would mean their s/o getting hurt, then they prioritize each other. We get to see what it means in the second half of the chapter. MC is worried about Gavin’s injuries, Gavin is worried about MC’s emotional state, MC is worried that she makes Gavin worry about her, Gavin is worried that MC worries about him worrying about her, thus keeping her real thoughts inside- not- opening up about them to him. That’s a vicious cycle which needs to be broken and that is exactly what our best boi does by reassuring her that she doesn’t need to put up a front and that she could tell him whatever is eating at her...anytime at all. That guy is already 3 steps ahead of her when it comes to worrying so he pulls her out of her self-agonizing overthinking bubble with those simple words which work like a charm. MC feels as though her heart was slowly lifted up by two hands out of a ravine. So she finally tears down the walls surrounding her agony and lets her tears flow and Gavin wipe them away and he brings the sunshine back into her heart.

Ever since her father’s passing MC didn’t much have anyone to open up to about her most bothering concerns or a shoulder to cry on. Gavin sees this crystal clear and encourages her to tell him about it all, cry it all out and also manages to lift her spirits up. He knows instinctively what she needs at that moment. She is broken, she is lost and she is stripped of her self-worth. Gavin can relate to this state all too well, because he too has been there when his mother died. He knows that she doesn’t need any encouraging talks or sweets or a scientific explanation to her feelings. At that moment, all she needs is warmth and a safe space to process what she is going through thoroughly. Which is why Gavin simply offers her to share what’s eating at her with him and cry all she wants. He doesn’t do anything beyond that. He NEVER EVER PUSHES HER TO DO ANYTHING! He just stays by her side in silence, giving her space...a warm space and the rest unravels from itself.  GOAL #1 Find someone who can feel your troubles, address them with care and share your burden with you. Someone who gives you a safe space to feel down without feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone who makes what’s yours theirs. 

For better, for worse... 

Gavin is aware of the fact that his words can give her comfort, but he also knows that she hasn’t told him the whole story yet. She needs to feel self-worthy again and go back to her true, kind and brave self. So he arranges a Ferris wheel ride in the middle of the night to show her the bright side that she fails to see at the moment. If MC had been asleep then he would’ve just tried another night but much to his luck she was standing on her balcony, lost in her thoughts, gazing at the bracelet he gave her and confiding in it. So he sweeps her off her feet once again and takes her to the construction site. He shows her from the cabin the world she succeeded in saving and that the world which is still turning thanks to her. She is the savior and not the burden and most certainly not a burden to Gavin. Neither with her negative feelings nor with her presence. She belongs there where she is and Gavin appreciates her existence. Because she didn’t only save the world but also him, many times, she caught him while he was falling. However, MC believes that its always been Gavin who was always there to catch her from falling. Their feelings and thoughts are again mirroring each other. Both of them are invested equally in their journey together, both have saved the other. Hearing this, MC finally opens up about her true feelings and lets the tears flow, and those tears are again wiped away by Gavin. When the wheel reaches its zenith, MC and Gavin are in a tight embrace and MC is finally almost back to her usual self: “With it, he took all my tears, all the unsaid words, all my worries and regrets. At that moment, it felt like the walls around my heart had fallen, letting in countless rays of sun. All the unease, suffering, doubt, pain and hesitation just evaporated”. Once they get off the wheel and they run/fly hand in hand under the summer rain, MC feels like Gavin has always been by her side all over the past years and her heart’s worry and gloom is washed away by the rain. This is a very crucial thing for their relationship, because they were separated for six whole years and yet now MC feels like he were always by her side, watching her from afar, accompanying her in her journey. 

On a side note, Ferris wheel and the gingko bracelet have become the main symbols of their relationship. The bracelet represents their bond with each other regardless of the distance separating them and I am certain that the bracelet doesn't have any tracker on it to be honest but it helps MC to cool down when feeling upset or sad by reminding her of Gavin, her precious moments with him, his love for her, and that he will always be there for her. The Ferris wheel on the other hand is their journey. Each time they ride the Ferris wheel together their spirits are lifted up alongside with the cabin. Once it reaches its zenith they consummate their love for each other once again, no matter if it's on a date with a kiss or in CH 15 when MC tells Gavin her true feelings and Gavin addresses them directly resulting of them reciprocating their importance for each other. GOAL #2: A relationship is much like a Ferris Wheel. It goes up, it goes down, then goes up again. It's not always a bed of roses, there are many thorns during the ride. The important thing is to go through both phases hand in hand. 

This whole episode names Gavin as the source of MC’s sense of safety, courage and faith. MC feels herself the safest and most serene around him. Their night together at MC’s home is a strong evidence to this. Up to CH 15 and in the following episodes, MC has constant nightmares almost every night.  But when she sees the faint ray of light from the crack of her bedroom door, she finally enjoys a night’s sleep without nightmares or worries. Knowing that Gavin is on the other side of her door gives her the deepest sense of peace. This happens again in CH 26 btw. and I think the original idea was for them to sleep in the same bed in CH 15 but then abandoned due to obvious reasons... As far as I know Gavin is the only LI who sleeps in MC’s apartment so it shows the level of trust she has towards him. No matter what’s happening during the dates, in the mean story MC is not canonically that close with any of the guys, so it truly shows how safe she feels around Gavin, knowing that he wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. And she couldn’t be more correct, since Gavin leaves before she wakes up, making sure that none of them feel awkward in the morning and leaving the place as he found it, but not before leaving a note which gives her a reassurance that he is going to send somebody to keep an eye on her and ends with a simple “good morning”. Gavin is a very considerate guy, who doesn’t miss any hint thrown at him. After hearing MC not being able to sleep without wishing him good night, he realizes how important this simple wish is for her. So he makes sure to wish her a good morning, whether he is there to say it face to face or not. GOAL #3: Be with someone, with whom you can fell safe and be yourself around them. Someone whose presence chases your fears and nightmares away . Someone who knows what your values are and respects them.

In sickness and in health...

Not long after having a heart to heart conversation, MC and Gavin find themselves in a dispute over Perry. MC wants to stay by Perry’s side with the hopes of being able to help him but also come closer to the truth about her father. Gavin is not happy with the idea since he’s lost his EVOL and is dubious about Leto’s intentions so if any danger were to strike, he might not be able to protect MC. Despite this he agrees with MC’s wish in terms of her not putting herself in danger and that he would stay by her side. The second time the topic comes up, Gavin outright forbids her to get involved with Perry and MC in return, for the first time ever, tells him that she is going to do otherwise. This dispute arises because Gavin doesn’t tell her full story, that he’s lost his EVOL and that the STF is executing the Evolvers. MC on the other hand fails to see the situation from Gavin’s perspective or to trust him when he is so strict about keeping out of the whole ordeal. But right before they temporarily part ways she finds the courage to ask him about his worries and troubles, since she too can feel his distress, much like Gavin did hers at the beginning of the episode and offers to share his burden with him and that’s the thing. MC isn’t upset that Gavin doesn’t want her to see Perry anymore but that Gavin isn’t open with her and that he is still keeping his problems to himself. MC was hoping that he would trust her to face the truth and take on everything with him. That’s what actually hurts her the most. And Gavin is lost in this unexpected argument since he’d never had a situation like this with MC so he is torn between telling her the truth or leaving it be. Unfortunately he decides to just leave their dispute at that and leaves, not willing to have a fight with her. So they give each other the good old silence therapy for days and only after Perry reminded MC of Gavin’s good-will that she finally sends him an SMS (but only at second try, she wouldn’t send the first SMS in which she tells him that she is worried about him). Gavin is not  better either, since he is already at the hospital to check on her from afar, but is not ready to face her yet. Its a typical “earlier in the relationship dispute” so much so that MC even literally sleeps with her phone while waiting for Gavin’s text/ call/ any response at all. Even I am shocked by his level of stubbornness at this point.  The next day MC receives the bad news about Perry and leaves the hospital, letting herself get soaked in the rain. This time around without Gavin by her side, with completely different feelings, thinking that the rain can’t wash everything away. This is a pivotal realization on MC’s end, because at that very moment she realizes that Gavin was the reason of her being able to overcome her worries and face her troubles with faith and courage. Luckily for her, right when she was thinking of him, she senses his scent behind her aaaand cue “Rosy Mirror”...

Its such a lovely moment for the maturity of their relationship, despite them still getting to know each other and being the youngsters they are. So MC apologizes to him (but only going through the reasons why in her head so Gavin only hears that she is sorry) and then Gavin finally opens up, since he has realized that was the mistake on his part, not telling her about his true worries. So without further ado he tells her about his insecurities about the possibility of not being able to protect her since their downfall from the TV tower, about him losing his Evol, about following her for a while from behind without knowing what to do. And that’s pretty much all it takes for them to overcome their dispute, since it was a relatively small dispute and so MC again fells warm and dry inside, not caring about the rain. GOAL #4 There are disputes in all relationships. What’s important during those disputes is not to hurt each other’s feelings irreparably and communicate in honesty. It’s about trusting in each other’s good intentions and resolving the problem in hand with care and understanding. 

Till death do us part...

Our pair makes up and are ready for the next move but there are no happy endings in the MLQC universe...nö nö nö. Of course drama ensues as MC and Gavin find out that Perry has been kidnapped while MC’s precognitions start getting worse. But remember folks, Gav-babe is back so he calms her that as long as her precognitions are about the future, they can still change the course of events and that He trusts in her, so she also should put her trust in him too.  “That was his absolute faith in me, and his absolute reassurance for me”. We could actually roll the credits here without going further with the heart wrenching end of this chapter. 

Not long after though MC and Gavin has to face the worst of the worst...They have to witness Perry getting shot in the chest and leave him in his state, only to be greeted by the STF aiming at them by the exit of the warehouse, leading Gavin to resign from the STF. While on the run from the STF/NW, Gavin realizes that his Evol becomes extremely weak, so much so that he cannot even raise a barrier to hold back the bullets, which then results in MC getting shot on the back while trying to protect him. Not only MC’s precognition is coming true, but also Gavin is at his limit, both physically and mentally. So he is left with no choice, but to sacrifice himself and once again get separated from MC. For Gavin is Ch 15 is the worst-case scenario. The justice he has always believed in turned out to be a façade, he had to witness another child’s suffering in front of him and his raison d’être comes to the brink of losing her life because he failed to protect her. Everything that keeps him alive, everything that makes him who he is , is shattered right in front of his eyes. MC doesn’t have it any better as she can only watch as her worst nightmare comes true. The last 15-20 minutes of this chapter covers MC’s perpetual fear of being left by Gavin. She says thrice that she doesn’t want him to leave and begs him to stay (unfortunately Gavin doesn’t hear any of it). The have just built their faith in each other and yet got separated again after a brief moment of togetherness. IT becomes one of the issues that MC struggles with for at least 10 chapters, namely her fear of being left alone by Gavin.  

Here is a small comparison: All other LIs relationship with MC are doomed because of their choices: Kiro’s alternate personalities as Key (no time) and Helios (no love), Lucien’s involvement as Ares in BS or his values contradicting that of MCs, Victor’s pride and dominance as the research topic for my Phd at Boston College. Those guys actions and personalities conflicting with that of MCs are whats standing on the way of a harmonious relationship. With Gavin, these two are doomed by the seemingly endless external threats. Both Gavin and MC are constantly the main target of somebody’s plans and are under attack. Those poor babies cannot have a second of peace. As if it wasn’t enough, those parties constantly use their bond for their own means. Its Shaw using MC as a bait to provoke Gavin, its Josie telling MC that she is going to kill Gavin, its Gavin’s father using MC to convince Gavin to accept the NW plan. MC and Gavin don’t have any obstacles with regards to their own personalities or choices. They trust each other, stand by each other, understand each other’s perspective and love each other. In this chapter Elex even shows us that they could even take care of a child together for God’s sake. They...just...fit...

Unfortunately once again things unwind to their demise and Gavin, once again, has to leave MC for her sake. Before leaving her, Gavin repairs the gingko leaf bracelet brand new, so that MC can find the reassurance she seeks for on it in his absence and remind her that he will return to her side. He also leaves his jacket behind so that she can still feel his warmth. That’s his promise to her. That’s his reassurance that this is not a goodbye and that he is not ever going to leave without saying goodbye.  GOAL 5# True love is selfless, true love never dies and if two souls belong together, then nothing can keep them apart. because true love prevails. 

The chapter ends as its started. MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in her thoughts and finding reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist. The only difference this time around is that she wouldn’t find Gavin in her living room or hear three knocks on the door and find him standing tall in front of her... for this time around Gavin is gone...

[adobe-outdesign]

Little something for everyone while y’all are in quarantine. Part 2 coming whenever.

Transcript under the cut:

Five Nights at Freddy’s. Where do we even start with this one? FNAF is probably one of the most confusing games out there when it comes to trying to figure out what the hell happened in it. Everyone has their own opinions and interpretations, so I figured I’d provide my own.

Do keep in mind that I’m not going to cover every single part of the lore, as some of it’s fairly self-explanatory. Instead, I’m going to focus mostly on FNAF 4, as that’s where this Gordian Knot of confusion really stems from.

Be warned, this video’s going to contain something truly scary: OPINIONS. [scream effect] Yes, my views on the lore are much different than everyone else’s, so don’t get your springlocks set off just because my theories don’t align with yours. Because for starters…

[Why I don’t think Michael is the brother]

[Mob noises]

Okay, okay, hear me out. Basically, there are two main family in FNAF: There’s the Aftons, comprised of William, Elizabeth and Michael. Then there’s the - is this really their name? Really? okay - Emilys, comprised of Henry and Charlie.

However, in the books Charlie had a brother named Sammy. So the question is, is Sammy canon? And the answer is yes: During Stage 01, we see one of the kids disappear when left alone with Spring Bonnie, which parallels Sammy slash Charlie’s kidnapping in Fredbear’s by William.

This raises another question though: Who is Sammy in canon, then? And I’ll jut outright say it: He’s the Bitten Child. Yeah, I’m kind of amazed more people don’t realize this. The Fredbear Plush is implied to be possessed by Charlie, as its talk about putting the Bitten Child back together parallels the Puppet giving cake in Happiest Day, and the empty girl’s room indicates that the Bitten Child has a dead sister - her being the Plush explains why the Fredbear Plush cares so much about the welfare of this random kid.

Likewise, Charlie and Sammy were twins. The Bitten Child and Charlie have the same blocky sprites, and they both have brown hair and brown eyes.

Most importantly, the Bitten Child is spirited to look exactly like the Puppet. Given that he isn’t the one possessing it, the only way this makes sense if the two were related.

Finally, the Bitten Child freaks the hell out when approached by an employee in a Fredbear suit, and the Fredbear plush says that he’ll “know what happens if he catches you”. Many people believe this means the Bitten Child witnessed the children being murdered, but it’s too early in the timeline for that - Phone Guy says in 2 that the Freddy’s where the murders occurred was shut down and left to rot afterward. The restaurant in 4 is still open, meaning the murders haven’t occurred yet - given some other context, it’s likely they died in 1985.

The only other incident the Bitten Child could be reacting to… would be the kidnapping back in Fredbear’s, where William stole one of the twins while in a Spring Bonnie suit. And the only way he would know about it is if he was there during the kidnapping - which is enough for me to say with confidence that the Bitten Child is indeed Sammy.

Also, Sister Location has a lot of kidnapping references. [I kidnapped you.]

Especially in the Immortal and the Restless. Vlad represents William throughout the games - not dong much in FNAF 1, working the night shift in 2, being in the burning building in 3, and the hidden scene representing Baby not killing Michael who she thinks is William. And what is said every episode?

[The baby isn’t mine]

The baby isn’t his because Sammy literally isn’t William’s child; he’s Henry’s.

However, if the Bitten Child is Sammy, then that means this [Older Brother footage] cannot be Michael.

Now, I know all of you smart people out there are already thinking the obvious: The books are an AU. Couldn’t Sammy be the one kidnapped in canon, thus allowing Michael to still be the Brother? And to that I say: …Yeah. If you want to work with Michael being the Brother, then this is the best way to do it, and it’s entirely possible this is the correct answer. …But with that said, I’m not entirely convinced.

[Why Charlie was kidnapped and not Sammy]

For starters, there’s the simple question of motivation. Why would WIlliam be raising Henry’s kid? Killing kids is kind of his M.O.. Even in the books, he killed the child he kidnapped. The idea of him kidnapping and raising a kid is even brought up in the Fourth Closet… then dismissed because it would be out of character for him, which would be strange if he did exactly that in canon.

As established earlier, Sammy also remembers the kidnapping, which would make it weird if he was the one kidnapped and yet is just allowed to freely wander the neighborhood. What’s to stop him from telling someone else, or even just running away?

Moving on to actual evidence, the map in SL’s breaker room lists the FNAF 4 house and the minigame house as two separate observation areas. This could be to differentiate the two for the player, but I don’t know why they’d be separated in-universe unless they were two separate houses. This would also explain why the living rooms don’t look the same and why the grandfather clock is in two different locations.

Likewise, the Fredbear Plush has either a camera or a walkie-talkie in it to spy on Sammy. However, the private room also reveals that William has the FNAF 4 gameplay house bugged. He shouldn’t need to use the Fredbear Plush to spy on Sammy, given that he can watch him both through the house cameras and the (presumable) cameras in Fredbear’s - unless Sammy is still in Henry’s house, which would force William to slip a camera into the place discreetly.

Speaking of the minigame house, there are a few parallels between it and Henry’s house in the books. The house was connected to an underground location in the Twisted Ones, just like it’s connected to the Sister Location in canon. And one of the rooms contains a tiny toy animatronic - just like the ones Henry built for Charlie in the Silver Eyes.

Continuing on that train of thought, let’s look at that tiny Toy Mangle. Assuming the Toy Chica principle is in place here - that being that the literal toys in this game look the same as the Toy Animatronics - the Mangle here looks like the FNAF 2 version of Mangle, not like William’s Funtime Foxy, pointing to it being Henry’s creation and not William’s. The SL extras even reveal that Funfox was supposed to be purple at first, which doesn’t make sense if it was supposed to match the tiny toy version.

But perhaps one of the biggest pieces of evidence regarding this toy is in Mangle’s Quest. While walking, you can encounter a huge silhouette of the Puppet… which makes Mangle look toy-sized in comparison. This only makes sense if this room was Charlie’s, and the Mangle toy was hers.

This also makes sense considering that Sister Location didn’t exist at the time of 4′s release. Scott claimed you could solve the lore back then using only the first four games, and if this was Charlie’s room, you could do it by combining the knowledge of the Fredbear Plush with Sammy’s missing sister and Charlie from the novels. If this is Elizabeth’s room, the only way that could be would be if it was retconned into place behind the scenes.

Additionally, I don’t think Elizabeth’s death is the correct date for this room to be empty in 1983. Handunit says that CBEAR didn’t open until after Freddy’s closed, as it gave them the opportunity to move into the entertainment space without competition. I’d assume this also applies to the original Circus Baby’s Pizza World, which indicates Elizabeth didn’t die until after FNAF 1. Given that Michael still has eyes in FNAF 1, SL in general had to have taken place after it - it’s unlikely William waited 10+ years to finally send Michael to save her, so her death being after FNAF 1 makes more sense timeline-wise.

Meanwhile, Charlie died in the very first Freddy’s location, before the other murders. HW confirms the FNAF 4 location was this first Freddy’s, meaning that she died in 1983. This not only lines up with her death date in the Fourth Closet, but also explains why the room in 4 hasn’t been cleaned out; she only died recently.

This would also explain why Henry claims that no-one was there to save Charlie. It’s his restaurant; wouldn’t he have, like, been there and been watching her if he was the one who brought her in?

And finally, I do have one massive piece of evidence that I feel proves the idea that Charlie is the one who was kidnapped.

[Chica School Days opening]

I know, I know, stay with me. Each of Toy Chica’s husbandos in these cutscenes represent one of William’s victims and how he killed them, as proven by her talking about running over a dog which aligns with Susie’s death in both Fruity Maze and the novels. There are a total of six people she targets.

However, that’s the thing - there are six victims, one for each of the original five - and the Puppet. That means Charlie’s death has to be included in here. And yet, none of the deaths line up with what we see in the minigames… unless you assume Charlie was the one kidnapped. In which case, there is one that fits…

[Toy Chica talking about kidnapping]

There are six deaths, so Charlie must be included. If the only thing that lines up with her death is the kidnapping scene, then Charlie must have been the one who was kidnapped, not Sammy.

But that brings us back to the original problem: If Charlie was the one who was kidnapped, Sammy is still living in Henry’s house. Which means Michael is not the Brother.

[Why do people think Michael is the Brother?]

Let’s move on to explaining away some of the evidence for Michael being the Brother.

The first and most obvious piece is that we play as the Brother in FNAF 4. Michael lives in the FNAF 4 house, so he must be the Brother. Which is a fair piece of evidence. However, I do think there’s something that explains this: Midnight Motorist.

Yes, the reason this minigame has perplexed so many fans might be because they’ve been looking at the entirety of FNAF 4 wrong. Let’s start with the Yellow Guy, who’s likely Henry. Why? Well, he’s driving William’s purple car and yet isn’t purple himself, so he can’t be William yet must have a connection to him. Henry and William were friends and business partners, so the idea of this being a company car or one of them just borrowing it for the weekend makes sense.

Likewise, every minigame and cutscene in FNAF 6 pertains to one of the main characters. The Puppet minigame for, well, the Puppet; Fruity Maze for William slash Scraptrap; and Candy Cadet’s stories for Scrap Baby and Molten Freddy. Henry is the only main character who wouldn’t have something in-game pertaining to him unless this sprite is him.

Moving on, we see him interact with a green sprite. I’d wager this is Clay Burke, for no other reason other than the sprite is presumably color-coded because we know the character, and because Clay is a cop and therefore could easily kick Henry out a bar.

Out a bit from Henry’s house, we see a grave, and around the back of the house there’s a smashed window and an animatronic footprint. In the books, the Twisted animatronics specifically targeted Henry’s family, kidnapped people through aggressive means, and buried themselves during the day. Given that the Twisteds are just AU Nightmare animatronics, it’s likely one of William’s robots was trying to kidnap another one of Henry’s kids.

However, the kid being targeted doesn’t seem to be Sammy or Charlie. Henry’s wife is still present and this is a different house than the one in FNAF 4, suggesting this is early on in the timeline, as Henry got a divorce and moved shortly after the kidnapping. The kid that was targeted here was old enough to lock himself in his room and make a run for it, suggesting it wasn’t one of the two babies but rather the Brother from 4, who’s certainly enough of an Angsty Teen to lock himself in his room several times.

As we can see by the footprints and Henry’s blase attitude, it looks like the Brother escaped from the animatronic… this time. It’s likely William kept trying to kidnap him until he succeeded, locking him into his house once he was successfully captured after the Bite. The dialogue from the FNAF 4 trailer might actually apply to William; he brought home the Brother, he think he sees a ghost haunting him which is why he’s observing him in the first place, and he treats this whole thing like a sick game.

So with the FNAF 4 house out of the way, there’s only a few other pieces of evidence. The logbook shows Michael having drawn N. Fredbear… but given that the Nightmare animatronics were still in his house, it’s likely he would have seen then at some point during the night.

The logbook also indicates that Michael is Mike Schmidt from FNAF 1, with his pseudonym being a combo of his own first name and “Eggs Benedict”. FNAF 4 plays like FNAF 1 does, and you can hear one of Phone Guy’s calls in the background, meaning the Brother must have worked in the FNAF 1 location and heard Phone Guy’s messages. And while Michael does fit these requirements… there is one other character who fits them even better.

[Continued in Part 2]

[talesbytaylor]

When characters don’t have last names.

I don’t think this is common for most fandoms but in SaGa Frontier, none of the protagonists nor the supporting characters (except for Red Okonogi) were given surnames. When you love a character so much, you can’t help but wonder about the littlest details about them, including their family names xD

Although, in Romancing Saga; Re;universe, Gen’s full name was revealed to be Genjiro Nobushige. But can we really count spinoff games as “canon” with the original game series?

Here’s another example: the whole love triangle between Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith from Final Fantasy 7. Although most recent production seems to veer towards the whole CloudxTifa ship, there are some works out there that support CloudxAerith (ahem... Benny Matsuyama’s book... ).

So many questions to consider xD Now... I know this isn’t really a big deal. Fanfiction exists because while we love the original creators’ work, we can’t help but want (crave) more, even though we can’t get anymore xD Also, too many fans mean too many different desires to fulfill. You can provide fan service to only so many fans xD

Which brings me to my own devices when it comes to the surnames of SaGa Frontier characters. I’ll list a few what I believe is their actual full names (first and last). 

(And like many crazed fangirls... I lowkey wish my prediction of these last names are correct, or at least would be used in some official capacity by other SaGa fans one day until it becomes “canon” in that sense xD sigh...)

SaGa Frontier characters:

Red Okonogi is already set in stone, officially

Genjiro Nobushige is sort of official ...?

Fuse: Hugh Roster His last name is official, but I imagine that his first name is something that sounds similar to his nickname “Fuse” hehe. Interesingly, Roster (the German last name) means “blacksmith”. And Hugh means something along the lines of “mind” and “spirit” in Old English. Doesn’t that fit Fuse so well!? 

Blue and Rouge Magnussen - the magician twins! From Google - “ The surname Magnussen derived from the given name Magnus, which means "great" in Latin and means "power" in Swedish. The name was made famous by St. Magnus and Magnus, the son of St. Olaf of Sweden. “ Um ... self-explanatory, yes? xD

Asellus Mori Mori is both an Italian and Japanese last name. Since race (as we know in OUR IRL universe) is not categorized the same in the SaGa Frontier universe but DOES have some influence from our world (i.e: Red’s Japanese last name, Roufas’ Italian restaurant, etc), I’d imagine that the Humans (and Mystics) have what we’d perceive as a mixed-ethnic appearance. Which is why I had trouble deciding on whether Asellus is more European or Asian. So I thought “Mori” would be a fitting name.  In Japanese, it means ‘forest’. The term ‘Mori girl’ is a fashion aesthetic that usually includes nymph/dryad/fairy-like clothes. I think it suits her xD

In Italian, it is apparently a patronymic name based on the Latin name Maurus, which means “moor” or “North African”. But this is not what I was thinking about at first! Morbidly enough... “mori” means “died” in the Italian language x_x And as we all know, Asellus (at least her human form) is very much dead ... 

Emelia Conrad From Google: “ It is derived from the Proto-Germanic name Konrad, from conja meaning "bold" and rad "counsel". It was the name of a 10th-century bishop of Constance, and became popular in post-medieval English and post-medieval French. “ I think this suits Emelia perfectly. 

Annie Ferro It’s an italian word for “iron”. Annie’s tough life growing up only made her stronger as she works to financially support her little sister and brother. I bet this is their last name, despite their hardships :3

Liza La Volpe Basically means “the fox” in Italian. Foxes are generally a symbol for being cunning and clever ... and no doubt that Liza (including every other member of Gradius) is also just that! But the reason why I chose “fox” for her name is because of her loyalty to Roufas. I suspect they were romantically involved at some point in their lives. Whatever their relationship status is like now, Liza remains at Roufas’ side, just like how foxes mate together for life. Did you know that if a fox’s mate died, the surviving fox stays single for the rest of their life? I feel like Roufas and Liza would be the same way.

Roufas D’Amico This one is a common Italian name. It means “of friend.” I just thought that Roufas is sort of like a “caporegime” for Gradius. Also, he has an Italian restaurant that is most likely a front to launder some of Gradius’ money xD Despite Roufas’ own reputation for being a clever, cunning man, he has a slightly friendly history with IRPO agent Fuse (they were in training together, whereafter Fuse got hired by the IRPO and Roufas chose to join Gradius instead). He is both a “criminal” but also a friend. Doesn’t that remind you of the classic Italian mafia? xD

Anyway, this is as far as I went with surnames of SaGa Frontier characters. I will post more when I develop more.

[iwillwalk500miles]

the strings of the soulmate au

So I promised @astraskylark​ I would break down some of the strings. I’ll be explaining Weiss’ and the symbolisms of them, and then I’ll throw in a couple of random ones about other characters I couldn’t quite fit into the story. It’s a long post sooooo, yay.

First things first, you have to know where all of hers are. Starting from top to bottom, Weiss has strings around her ears that belong to her siblings, one around her neck from Ruby, Sun around her chest, Blake around her left pinky, Yang around her right wrist, and Pyrrha around her left knee.

The Ears

Let’s start with the Schneeblings, because I love them. 

Weiss is connected to Winter from her left ear, Winter is connected to Whitley from her right, and Whitley is connected to Weiss from his left. Together they form a proper circle, when they turn their backs on each other, the strings get tangled, but when they face each other their bonds flow naturally and easily. I imagine that if they were raised in a better home their bonds to each other would be really quite strong, but due to what they suffered all of their strings to each other are patchy, the threads splitting off a little. I chose to connect them by their ears for a number of reasons, 1) it was the easiest place for them to be connected, 2) having them connected by the ears was symbolic, and 3) listening to people you care about is quite important, therefore ears.

They are connected by their abuse, but they don’t quite understand how yet. All three of them reacted to their home life in different ways, as most of you probably already know. None of them understand each other because they aren’t listening, not yet anyway. I also chose the ears because they’re near the head, closer to the mind than the heart.

The ears mean misunderstanding and acceptance. Well, right now they only mean misunderstanding, but eventually they’ll mean acceptance.

The Neck

Let’s talk about the neck string. Everyone has one of these, and the relationship between those connected doesn’t have to be explicitly romantic or platonic, this is just the relationship that will ultimately have the potential to mean the absolute most to you.

But, as seen in the story, this string also has the potential to do you the most harm.

The neck is a vulnerable place. Originally, I wanted the main string to be around the pinkies, as a homage to the ‘red string of fate’ but I decided to change it up, and I’m glad I did. This string means trust, vulnerability, and (obviously) love.

Weiss’ string hasn’t formed around Ruby’s neck yet, but it will. I promise.

The Chest

I went over this in a comment already, so I’ll copy paste it here and then add onto it.

“take the bond between sun and weiss, his string wraps around her chest (meaning things like protection and warmth and all that comes with the area near her heart) and her string wraps around his stomach (the center of his body which comes with strength and resilience i suppose)”

The way I see the relationship between Sun Wukong and Weiss Schnee is a complicated one. It’s supported entirely by my own personal headcanons of these characters, as they only had like one or two scenes with each other in the show. Sun, admittedly, is a himbo. I once saw a post that said the very best friendships are between ‘the himbo and the lesbian’ which, while funny, is a concept I took and ran with.

Though, my version of Sun is... not more knowledgeable exactly, but more aware of the people around him at the cost of his own self. It took me a while to characterize him the way I wanted, and I’m still working on it, but for now in this fic he is the type of person to see the emotions and want to help them no matter what, taking no time to take a good look at his own emotions.

Weiss also isn’t good with emotions, but eventually learns more about Sun to be able to actually see him, to make him feel understood. 

(It’s a match made in heaven.)

So, Sun helps Weiss and Weiss helps Sun, it just takes a little while for it to get like that.

The (Left) Pinky

Weiss’ bond with Blake is different from the first two, mainly because while Blake’s string is around Weiss’ left pinky finger, Weiss’ string is around Blake’s right bicep. Weiss is left handed, and the fact that the bond is on her left pinky instead of her right means something. The pinky is usually the smallest finger on someone’s hand. When I decided to connect them, I was admittedly thinking of pinky promises. 

So that area indicates honor and commitment, as Blake and Weiss’ relationship came with a somewhat rocky start, Blake not trusting Weiss because of her name and Weiss being... well, Weiss. 

As their relationship flourishes, the words ‘honor’ and ‘commitment’ seem to fit them more and more. They are tied together by their desire to make things better, Weiss sees the destruction her father had wrought and succumbs to her own righteous anger, and Blake grew up fighting for the rights of her people. They both made promises to themselves, and that is what tied Blake to her. (Though the right bicep means something similar, ‘strength and endurance.’)

The (Right) Wrist

Similar to Blake and Weiss, Weiss and Yang have different parts tied to each other. (But of course, not that different, considering that Weiss’ string is tied around Yang’s left wrist.) Their relationship (once again similar to Blake) is rocky at the start. In the fic they don’t get along for the first two or three chapters because of the way Weiss reacted to Ruby, so Yang (the best big sis ever) was like “square up, bitch” and Weiss responded in kind.

(The relationship between them is hard for me to put into words so forgive me if I don’t make much sense.)

They reluctantly grow to care for each other, not broadcasting their friendship in obvious ways, so the first time that Yang is obviously protective of Weiss, little miss ‘I don’t need friends they disappoint me’ is understandably shocked. On Yang’s side of things, the first time Weiss is obviously attempting to correct her behavior between them she’s very much surprised.

The relationship between them sort of snuck up on them, I guess.

The wrist is used to move the hand, turning it and positioning it places—the movement is simultaneously restrictive and not. Operating under the impression that Yang is right-handed and Weiss is left-handed, I had their strings go on the opposite sides of the wrists they use the most. 

Things between them are important, and maybe it’s not as obvious sometimes, but they need each other. Just like they need the wrists of their non-dominant hands to do things like tie their shoes, or easily pull on a pair of pants or a shirt or something. Though there are ways to do it with only one wrist, it’s easier when you have both, right?

So their bond represents a quiet sort of devotion, ‘consistent’ and ‘helpful’ are what come to mind when I think of their strings.

The (Left) Knee

I actually touched a little on their bond in the story, so I’ll put it here in quotes and then explain further.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where are we connected from?” It was a simple question, but she couldn't quite help the small tinge of unease in her stomach.

“My left knee to your right.” Weiss said hesitantly, looking at the aforementioned string. It was glowing just a little bit more than before, the fiery red slowly going lighter shades until it turned into the pale blue that belonged to Pyrrha.

“Stability, then.” She said after a moment, smiling serenely.

“Pardon?” Weiss asked, frowning a little in confusion.

“Well, knees are used to keep you standing, aren’t they? And you’re left handed, and I’m right handed—so we favor those sides of ourselves.” Pyrrha explained after a moment, looking Weiss in the eye and smiling broadly. The look on her face was so genuine and soft that Weiss felt that she had been punched in the stomach. “So, stability.”

Stability. They keep each other grounded, standing up. Weiss shows Pyrrha a rare kindness the first day they meet, and Pyrrha (understanding that the teenage girl in front of her isn’t often kind) responds in thankfulness. They are each other’s strongest supporters, in a sense that they would always be their keeping each other standing, or helping each other get back up.

Which, if after the story is over you choose to imagine what happened in the canon universe happening here, is all together heartbreaking.

Team R_BY’s Strings

It is here where I will write the information not about Weiss specifically, but the people around her. Most of it will be relatively short, as I haven’t fleshed as much of it out as everything else. You’ll notice that some relationships have different meanings. For example, the string between Ruby and Yang means different things on the different sides, though they are similar.

Ruby’s strings that haven’t been mentioned are: Yang around her left forearm (strength and admiration), Blake around her right palm (guidance and support), Jaune around her right bicep (working well together and acceptance), Taiyang around her left ankle (motivation and pride), Qrow around her right ankle (motivation and reluctance), and Penny around her chest (protection and intimacy). Summer Rose’s string used to be around Ruby’s stomach (balance and—similar to Yang’s—strength).

Blake’s strings that haven’t been mentioned are: Yang around her neck (love and vulnerability), Sun around her right elbow (flexibility and control), Ruby around her left palm (guidance and support), Ren around her left ankle (understanding), and both of her parents are wrapped around her stomach (balance). She used to have one to Adam, one that if you read the story you know she created herself and then had Weiss cut off. It was located on her wrist. This string meant nothing but what Blake wanted it to, in the beginning it was love, but it mutated into hate. Also Adam’s a douchebag. (Not important to the strings exactly, but it’s important to me that I put that there.)

Yang’s strings that haven’t been mentioned are: Blake around her neck (love and vulnerability), Ruby around her right forearm (protectiveness and strength), Qrow around her left pinky (importance and resilience), Taiyang around her right pinky (balance and gentle love), Sun around her left shoulder (support), and Nora around her left shin (encouragement and excitability). She does not have one to her mother, there is the potential to grow one of course, but you’ll remember that Yang had never met her. But I think that you’ll find it interesting that Raven will have one connected to Yang, it will be one sided, with Raven tied to her daughter and Yang free of her mother.

Some Tidbits:

Willow Schnee used to have her strings connected to her children by the right pinky, right ring finger, and right middle finger. Her strings mirrored her children, so the strings were tied to each of their respective fingers.

Jacques Schnee has only one string, and it has long since faded to almost nothing. I imagine that this might be to one of his parents.

Sun and Neptune are tied together by their necks.

Ozpin and Salem are tied together by their necks.

Winter will eventually meet the happy huntresses, and will receive strings from both Robyn Hill and Fiona Thyme, interestingly enough—they are both around her neck.

some grimm can pull on the strings (...i’m not planning anything for the next chapter stfu)

Poly STR was totally a thing back in the day

Qrow does not have a string around his neck, not till he meets Clover at least

Winter and Qrow are connected by the palms of their hands, their relationship purely one of bitter rivalry (they are both gay leave them alone)

a lot of people have onesided strings to Miss Pyrrha Nikos, heartbreaker extraordinaire

I imagine that as the years pass Penny and Weiss might develop a string; Ruby would be ecstatic

Winter and Penny have a string together, Winter having one around the palm of her right hand and Penny having one around the palm of her left hand

Team CFVY have strings together, I mentioned once that Fox and Coco have a platonic bond around their necks, I think

Team SSSN does not, only Sun and Neptune are tied together, but they do have the potential for it to develop over time

[lepertamar]

PART 1 of 4(?): LUCIFER ON THEURGY AND HOLIES, NARRATIVE STRUCTURE THERE. 

Bullet pointed thing not separating out good and bad stuff because most of the bad stuff is just like, failures to follow through on good stuff? Or weird arm-twists when the good stuff starts implying things a little too numinous and rebellious to the worldbuilding order and gets forcibly reined in?

Incapable of organizing my thoughts properly even though I tried so I’m just going to post all my thoughts and semi-arbitrarily break them apart into sections, I’ll probably come back to add links to the other parts later:

(I broke this in half lol becuz is was seriously too long but anyway part 2 which is more holies stuff is here)

Bullet 1. Fuck, theurgy is so good.  Like the concept, the entire idea of it. Just fuck that is so good. *Much better explanation of wtf it is in this meta post.* 

But it’s especially good as like a gateway to interactions or concepts too complex or liminal or interactive or emergent to be captured in anything like ‘a normal physical object’ — and it makes for a really really great process from the point of view of the characters doing it (or in Tamar’s and Eliya’s cases, interacting with someone else’s for the first time.) 

The hint comes percolating through, slowly, inexplicitly, (or maybe it’s just because I read that meta post I linked first? I’m not 100% sure) — the whole world is made by this. Infinite recursion of souls. 

1.a Yet it’s........actually pretty shallow simply from explanation of what it is, almost new-age-y vibes that really do it a disservice, and even more an underwhelming disservice when characters are being told how to do it. This is abrahamic fantasy! No embodied and tangible rituals? No songs and chants, no mysterious properties of specific things, which would have an extra layer of meaning because all things are souls? Eliya comes up with, in total (but forcibly unacknowledged) defiance of Lucifer, spoken-word ritual type things towards the end that DO help her, powerfully so. But so much of the book’s discussion of it seems almost designed to make it sound....lame. Thank G-d for Yenatru’s early-on pov of doing his own theurgy or I would have disliked it a lot, and thanks even more to that meta post I linked. 

1.b It’s just…..weird and a bit of an um, self-own, that learning about theurgy was done through the characters literally just fucking…..being taught to about theurgy. As if this was a non-fiction book! Instead of a fiction book, a fantasy one no less, where information-communication is inherently always done differently. Why not have Eliya learn theurgy by subjecting her to various theurgies, manifestations of various people, sending her on a hunt for manifestations and making her have to try to figure them out or understand what this meant until finally she understands enough to ask questions? Why not have various elaborate rituals for theurgy?

BULLET 2. Lucifer is…………!!!$$%%???&&**???>. I loathed Lucifer as a constructed character, an execution of a part of a full narrative story. Absolutely hated them. Could not stop thinking about how much I hated them, how bad it was, all the ways the execution of them completely fails and takes out huge amounts of the overall book — character arcs, concepts, worldbuilding, resonant emotions — with them in the blast radius of the author utter failure at executing them. 

And yet, Lucifer’s CONCEPT is………..amazing, their BACKSTORY is phenomenal. Absolutely incredibly original and drop-dead clever and woven into the worldbuilding in a way where dozens of tiny details about them, about theurgy, about G-d, about angels, etc, all line up to collide and open in the reveal *perfectly*. On the other hand, they are absolutely loathsome as a person. But this isn’t the problem. In fact it’s awesome. It’s not a problem on the front hand of it, at all, that they are so so so awful, as a person. It fits. This is what trauma does. Tells a truth, but then that truth metastasizes into a demanding cancer covering the world. 

2.a (In this book, Lucifer’s (incredibly sympathetic) fall is very, very far from either the traditionalist folk depiction (ewwww rebellion against the wise and good laws of Heaven) OR the now-ubiquitous folk resistant reading (oooooh rebellion against the unjust and oppressive laws of heaven!) Their rebellion is instead basically a rejection of The Way Angels Are Naturally Existing, which is entangled with G-d’s soul in a lawless chaotic orgasmic orgy of unchecked creation that has the pitiless one-way un-budging This Is What Is simple Being-ness of nature and the universe. And it makes so so much sense, that in the intensity of traumatized backlash to this, Lucifer is not simply wise in the ways of ethical demands for justice from G-d and the world the way (I think) Lilith is, but is instead cruelly, reductionistly, circumscribingly dogmatic. They are many other bad things — projecting, saneist, insincere, avoidant, glib, safety-fetishizing, lacking in the tiniest budge of character development, but all these mostly go back to being dogmatic.)

None of which, again, I emphasize again, is anything except BRILLIANT and perfect from a characterization perspective. All of these things fit their character conception and trauma backstory perfectly. The issue is really that not a single one of these things are unearthed or bounced off of as the bad things they are. By which I REALLY don’t mean ‘ugh why didn’t any of the characters explicitly Call Them Out [tell not show] for how awful they are while they’re just minding their own business being awful [shown not told] as a character in this story’. I hate that kind of thing. I mean simply….the other characters’ personalities, natural reactions, and in fact the entire world around Lucifer, warps wildly in order for their creepy narrowing way of steamrollering and falsely-restating-using-‘it’s just my issue’ to be enshrined and stated [telling not showing] as Correct and somehow The Way and The Truth, the Reason Yenatru is happy now, the Reason Eliya succeeded at theurgy. When there’s not a single way this actually tracks.

2.b Why does Yenatru care about this person when everything they say would be horribly devastatingly harmful to Yenatru if its content was aimed at a slightly different category of people, but happens to not be harmful to him simply because this person happens to understand him specifically? Not the tiniest bit of supporting evidence why. There’s a tiny moment, where Lucifer challenges Yenatru to challenge them, in a way where I would almost claim that Lucifer was hoping Yenatru would challenge them and argue back against them, and continue to argue against them throughout the book because Yenatru is one of the few people who could do this without deeply triggering Lucifer’s trauma. But it never ever happens.  It’s also not acknowledged but sadly refused along with their friendship later on, as it also could have been. It’s devastatingly disappointing and brought my liking of Yenatru, which was so so promising and deep because he in many scenes and aspects is written so well, down many notches. 

2.c Why does Eliya successfully uncritically learn anything from them? Why does she [telling not showing] credit Lucifer with anything she learned, when she very very clearly [showing not telling] actually learned everything about herself and about theurgy’s weight and truth from Yenatru and from Tamar? It shatters the imagination to think that any of what Lucifer told her would not be grade-schooler basic knowledge for a lifelong resident of this non-portal-fantasy world, unless theurgy was a Secret Misunderstood Forgotten Art (which it very explicitly and clearly is not). I could see the information Lucifer gave her as perhaps so basic that it could easily fade into the background as not really Meaning anything or being graspable — which is exactly where Yenatru and Tamar, as an unusually gifted and deeply expressive theurgist, and an unusually extreme soul-appreciator and lover, respectively, come in!!!!

2.d And also it could have been where Lucifer’s rigid, trauma-calcified, dogma could have very expressively and poignantly come in too, as something that purports to be about How Souls Are and is illuminating by dint of how hyper-specific and inapplicable to most other people it is, how it’s actually not what souls are, but is very much what a traumatizing but successful struggle to Not Be Steamrollered Into Something You’re Not is. This would have been intensely sympathetic even. And speaking of, here’s the thing: I would have liked Lucifer a thousand times better if they [as a person] had been openly *worse.* If they were outspoken and explicit about their horrible ideas, and if the book [as a narrative] had let them be a mess incapable of intentionally teaching anyone functionally (and therefore much more poignant and illuminating-of-theurgy just by existing as an example of a person, an example that changed the world). Instead of them smoothly tucking their prescriptive ideas into the stretches between other unrelated scenes of ‘oh this is just my issue, these are my own weird biases’. They would be far better if they weren’t being twisted into having the narrative state [tell not show] like they were right about everything.

Bullet 3 It’s this — that’s what I mean. Insincere and politely erasing nonviolent-communication (a specific thing I have encountered a hundred time, more damagingly than any blatant articulated disgust and hatred I have ever encountered) -- with repeated statements  of ‘no it’s okay to be you :)’ ‘i don’t think you’re immoral :)’ ‘everyone is different :)’ despite everything they say belying this. Which when placed alongside everything Lucifer says when not being confronted, does not ever function as a genuine ‘don’t listen to my biases’, but instead functions as a way to avoid actually stating (and therefore baring up to an argument) any of the erasing assumptions underlying their authoritative explanations of other things, so that those assumptions sneak through undetected when they would be interrogated and valuable if they were stated. 

3.a. For example, if Lucifer’s [obvious to me, but probably not obvious to anyone else who hasn’t been personally subjected to a lifetime of this language] revulsion for the Holies and Tamar was openly stated and if they tried to actually argue they were right to be revolted…..I would have loved them! Even if they are arguing Tamar (and indirectly, I too) was a disgusting thing — a ‘leper-soul’ (to quote this fanfic), mad and lost and ruined and degenerate (to quote *this canon book quote*)—I would have loved them! I have nothing but delighted love for people whose clawing desperate insistence on not being what they were raised and created to be, no matter how hateful that makes them towards my loves and experiences.

If Lucifer had said and stuck by this until proven wrong by the narrative [show not tell, or even tell or not show!], instead of simply going ‘oh don’t worry, I don’t think you’re bad :) I don’t think it’s harmful :) it’s just my issue :)’ whenever speaking about Holies, it would have been GOOD and I would have REALLY respected them. Even while everything they’ve actually said about their opinion of souls in other contexts is such that it fundamentally precludes and rejects, as sick and as nothingness and deluded and incapable of being real, the entire concept and lived real existence of Holies (Tamar: I saw them, I am someone who’s done that) — but then Lucifer being actively explicitly validated [again, i mean ‘gets validated’ as in the book states this, with a positive-presence, tell not show wording, while also refusing to admit anyone else influencing Eliya as much or more. i do NOT mean ‘waaahh it’s Obviously Validated becuz Lucifer doesn’t get explicitly called out’ or whatever]. 

In fact, this specific struggle, between what they state to be True, and what Tamar’s very existence declares to be a truth, would have echoed the struggle of their backstory, and conveyed the message of this book more powerfully, more clearly, more sincerely. But seeing Lucifer instead warp a way into an actively (tell not show) defined enlightened master position in the book’s narrative structure made me shake a bit, not going to lie.

Continued uhhhhhhh soon, links to other parts (continually updated) under the cut:

2

[the--sad--hatter]

No Survivors - Chapter Two

Fandom: None, this is an original work of fiction.

Genre: Sci-fi, fantasy, space opera

Rating and warnings: 18+ ONLY. Contains scenes of graphic violence, death, gore, cursing, and scenes of a sexual nature.

Disclaimer: All content and characters are created and owned by me, and my work is NOT to be reposted anywhere else without my explicit permission. Reblogs are fine, and very much appreciated.

The No Survivors Tumblr Blog | Masterlist 

Blurb:

6000 years into the future and humanity is thriving, having made their home in The Emerald Galaxy, lightyears away from their home planet. They’ve come a long way since the days of Earth. Lifespans have tripled, interstellar travel is a daily occurrence and humans have successfully integrated with alien species. All is well.

But for Captain Ice, nothing has been well for a long time. The once distinguished Captain is now a disgrace and a liability, carrying the weight of the cost of war on her shoulders. All Ice wants to do is carry on drinking herself into an early grave pod, but the Emerald Empire has a use for her yet.

Deep in The Emerald Galaxy lies Sector 12, or The Empires armpit as it’s referred to in polite company. When Sector 12’s Captain retires, General Felicity Hart decided to rid herself of a nuisance and instructs Ice to form a new crew and take over the job of glorified janitor.

Humanity survived the annihilation of its home planet and a journey across the universe, but can it survive the adventures of a disgraced Captain and her mismatched crew, or will there be… No Survivors?

The tall towers of the citadel were dark and imposing, carved from the black obsidian that was abundant in the mine shafts of Heart. Inside the looming spires the same darkness was copious, dark marble and stone as far as the eye could see, onyx around every corner that J`ess`inca ‘Jess’ Crowley had turned on her way to the laboratory she spent every day in, though she’d come to see it more as a self-imposed prison. She idly pretended to be diligently taking notes as her boss talked very quickly and very inaccurately about cell stabilisation until she couldn’t take it anymore.  

“Doctor Marx it’s impossible, even if you were able to create a shield around each individual cell, the rapid shrinking would damage them inside it and that’s before you displace them and then resize. Teleportation just isn’t possible” She interrupted.

He paused and looked up from his screen, putting extra effort into his sneer so his lowly assistant knew how little he thought of her.

“You’re my assistant, you’re here to take notes not give your opinion.” He snorted derisively, the white wispy hairs of his unkempt moustache fluttering from the breath.

She didn’t know his exact age, but the wrinkles and grey hair indicated he had to be at least 260 years old. How someone could live for two and a half centuries and be so tactless and obstinate, she would never understand.  

“It’s not my opinion, it’s the facts.” She argued calmly.

Doctor Marx could look down on her all he liked, she would never let the opinion of someone she didn’t respect have any effect on her. Before Doctor Marx could foolishly rebut the logic, a sharp rap on the labs open door had the two doctors turning around.

“Yes? What do you want?” Marx demanded impatiently.

He was more than used to having to provide his services to the Empire’s army so he wasn’t overly concerned, though admittedly most Captains didn’t bother to come to him directly. He might have been disinterested with the woman standing impassively by the door, cutting an imposing figure but Jess was intrigued. Captains were not a rare sight in the Citadel, in fact the base was crawling with them, but none like this. She was clad in the standard garb, the leather Captains coat they were all identified by, but she didn’t wear it the same way every other Captain did. It was loose, worn and battered and ill-fitting and yet the woman wore it more naturally than any of the stuffy uptight Captains that roamed around.

“I’m recruiting for my new team and I need a scientist.” The woman shrugged.

Jess felt a little jolt of jealousy run through her. All crews required a scientist and a medical doctor to to accompany the teams across the galaxy and partake in their adventures. It was the kind of adventurous life she had dreamed of, but as bright as her future once seemed, she knew better now. Her life was never going to be more than surviving, never living.

“Well we’re busy. Go away.” Marx snapped.

He clearly thought his research was too valuable to be abandoned in favour of running around the galaxy with a group of trigger-happy goons but that was no excuse for being so disrespectful, especially to someone who outranked him. Jess sighed and walked over to her, extending her hand with an apologetic look.

“I’m Jess Crowley, Doctor Marx is in the middle of something. He doesn’t mean to be so rude.”

The Captain smirked knowingly and took Jess’s hand in her own, grasping it firmly.

“Pleasure to meet you, Doctor Crowley. I’m Captain Ice.” She introduced herself, watching carefully for the inevitable reaction.

Jess felt her own eyes widen as Marx looked back up from his screen in shock and awe. Captain Ice was more than legendary, she was iconic. Jess was too young to remember The War properly, the one that had taken her father from her, but she had heard the stories. Hidden away from the sharp ears of the Empire the truth was whispered reverently, ‘The Empire didn’t win the war, Captain Ice did’. Enough people had seen the Captain for her existence to be confirmed but she was so elusive that she had become something of a folktale. Nobody knew the truth about The War, who it had been with or why, all they knew was billions of people had died, an entire sector of the Galaxy had been destroyed and that when it was all over, Captain Ice had been the only person The Empress had personally thanked. Legend had it that The Empress had decreed that Ice was the only subject in The Empire who would never kneel for her, and that The Empress had herself knelt for Ice.

“Captain Ice, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. Please accept my apologies. Recruitment you say? By Ice herself? What an honour. I would of course be happy to accept.” He stammered.

Even Marx wasn’t immune to the reputation of the Captain.

“You can go away, I’m here for her.” Ice dismissed him, not taking her eyes off of Jess’s.

Jess physically recoiled, trying to stuff away the spark of hope that flamed to life in her heart, even as she protested.

 “Me? Oh, but I’m Marx’s assistant I can’t…”

“Doctor J`ess`inca Crowley, you received highest honours in your graduating class from the Empire Academy. In all fourteen of your subjects. You are most definitely the smartest person in the Galaxy and yet here you are, taking notes for a crackpot.” Ice interrupted.

“I beg your pardon?” Marx spluttered.

“Get out.” Ice ordered with all the care of swatting a bug.

“This is my laboratory!”

“Now.” Ice snapped in a tone that brokered no argument, fixing him with a chilling glare that had him looking terrified and hurrying away.

As soon as he scarpered from the room, practically tripping over his own feet in the process, Ice turned back to the young Doctor with an expectant look. Jess inhaled shakily before she straightened her shoulders and stood tall.

“I’m flattered, really I am, but I’m staying here.” She said resolutely, hiding her disappointment in having to pass up the chance to live out her wildest dreams.  

Ice hummed thoughtfully and nodded, wandering around the lab, peering at the screens with scant interest. She found a large model of the Galaxy in the centre of the lab and reached into the centre of it to snap the model of Planet Heart from the display and tossed it in the air like a ball as she regarded Jess thoughtfully.  

“Humanity cracked the secrets of space travel, broke the light and sound barriers, invented gravitational force fields and synthetic atmospheres. We have eradicated most of the diseases that threaten us, slowed the aging process, tripled our lifespans and we did it all six thousand years ago. We still haven’t got teleportation right, which means we probably never will. Even if we did, Marx isn’t going to be the man behind it, which means you can’t steal the technology from him.” She announced, her eyes glinting with mischief.

Jess swallowed her heart back down as it jumped into her throat. If Ice knew the truth then she was done for. The Captain wasn’t here to recruit her, but to arrest her.

“Steal it? I wouldn’t, that’s not what... I mean why would you think that?” She asked thickly.

“Because that’s what you are being paid to do, so you can pay off your brothers considerable gambling debts.” Ice explained.

Jess’s shoulders dropped. It was over, she had been discovered.  

“You’re here to take me in.” She whispered.

“No.” Ice corrected.

Jess frowned. For one of the first times in her life she didn’t understand.

“I told you, I’m recruiting you. I’ve paid your brothers debts. You’re free, so is he. Welcome to the crew Doctor Crowley.”

Ice tossed the model planet through the air one last time before she held it out to Jess with an expectant look. Jess reached out, her fingers tentatively closing around the miniature replica of the planet they were standing on, the rich green sphere pressing into the palm of her hand.

“Why?” She asked softly, squeezing the planet in her hand.

“I have a new assignment and I need a crew for it, which means I need a scientist and a doctor. You tick both categories because you really are the smartest person in the known worlds. And because Captain or not, I don’t particularly care about the law.” Ice scoffed, pulling a small tablet from under her coat and passing it to Jess.

“Now, according to The Code, I still need at least one cadet, a first lieutenant and a mechanic. Let’s get going.” Ice finished briskly, making a beeline for the door.

Jess stood there for a moment longer, tablet in one hand and… the whole world in the other. She laughed softly in disbelief as it all started to sink in. Her brother was safe from the thugs who threatened him, she was free from Doctor Marx and a living legend was walking down the hallway after literally just handing her the whole world. Slipping the model planet into her pocket she hurried after the her Captain.

 ~~~

He knew that most of Earth’s history had been lost, or twisted beyond recognition, but believed that the old tales of warriors who fought for the spectators were true. Standing before the cheering crowds with sweat dripping down his face and his opponent groaning on the floor beneath him, he knew it had to be true. The allure of adoration, the thrill of victory, the burn of exertion, it was addictive.

“You have a long way to go before you’re ready to rise up the ranks, Corporal.” He scoffed, stepping over the bleeding person he’d defeated.

When he’d made lieutenant he hadn’t for a second imagined that he’d end up here, stuck on the same planet he’d spent his childhood, stowed away in the training rooms so he couldn’t embarrass his family any further. He’d made the best of it, acting like it was a choice, using the opportunity to show off his combat skills. He spent his days preparing men and women for a future he couldn’t achieve and his nights in the arms of whatever adoring fan took his fancy, all the while trying to convince himself that it made him happy. So what if he never made it to First Lieutenant, never advanced up the ranks, never achieved the same glory his sister had effortlessly snatched from her competitors? He had everything he needed here, in the training pits below the citadel.

He eyed the crowd of cadets and citizens, eyes drifting over them until he found one that stood out to him. Someone he could wrap himself around, bury himself inside, a distraction for the night. Beautiful men and gorgeous women alike were considered and discarded until his gaze fell on two anomalies. Two women, standing together, one in a lab coat and the other in a Captains. That wasn’t what caught his attention about them though, it was the lack of interest in him that had him walking over to them. The lab coat didn’t even glance up at him as he approached, her eyes glued to the tablet in her hand. The Captain just stared at him impassively.

“Captain. Doctor?” He greeted them, slamming his fist into his chest as he was expected to do in the company of a Captain.

“Lieutenant Hart.” The Captain responded, stating his name blankly.

“I see my reputation precedes me, but I don’t know you two. Which is strange because I know most of the Captains, especially the beautiful ones.” He tried, turning on the charm that always had people warming to him.

“I’m Doctor Crowley, we actually have met. You tried to buy me a drink once.” The lab coat informed him, finally looking up at him.

“Tried?” He pressed, bemused.

“Tried.” She confirmed, firmly no less.

He nodded respectfully, accepting the unspoken terms of their interaction she had set out for him. The Captain cocked her head at the Doc, amused or confused he couldn’t be sure.

“I’m Captain…”

“Ice.” He interrupted her introduction. “The whole citadel’s talking about you. More than usual that is. The legend has finally returned and she’s taking over Sector Twelve. I’ve heard about your little recruitment drive and as soon as the doctor introduced herself I knew who you were. I thought you’d look more intimidating.” He noted.

The same day she’d been made into a legend was the same day he’d been branded a failure, and yet he had never crossed paths with the woman before. He knew all about her of course, well, as much as anybody knew. Probably a little more than most, though not much. The woman was shrouded in so myth and mystery that to see she was just flesh and bone, and not very tall, was anticlimactic.

“I’m not the only one with a reputation.” Ice reminded him.

He dropped the friendly grin and clenched his jaw at her vicious remark.

“You should be nicer to the people you are trying to recruit.” He snapped.

He knew why she was here, there was no other reason for her to seek him out.

“Trying to recruit? I’m a Captain, you’re just a lieutenant. I can draft you to my crew if I want.” She pointed out, far too smugly for his liking.

“My sister is the General, you can’t force me to do anything.” He spat, furious at having to bring up Felicity.

“I don’t see any other Captains offering you the chance to add First to your Lieutenant title and it was your sister who said I could have anyone in the Citadel for my crew, and look where you happen to be standing.” Ice told him, looking pointedly at the ground.

“I have no interest in patrolling the Armpit of the Galaxy for a washed up has-been of a Captain. If you want me, you have to fight for me.” He sneered, his lip curling back over his teeth.

He issued the challenge hoping to get a reaction of some kind, but she disappointed him, slipping off her coat without blinking. The Doc held her arm out for it, already so obedient for her new master. Ice stepped forward, rolling her shoulders to loosen them up.

“Terms?” She asked, raising her hands defensively and placing her left foot back.

“First person whose back hits the ground loses.” He suggested, a little shocked he’d been goaded into issuing the challenge and that she had accepted so easily.

Ice was unreadable, nothing tangible or recognisable behind her eyes. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that someone who could wear a mask that effectively only showed emotion if they wanted it to be seen, so he had a sick feeling in his gut that he was being played. She had reminded him of his reputation and put him down just to get his hackles up. Most likely so she could humiliate him, break him down and prove she was his superior.

He clenched his hand into a fist and struck out, aiming below her raised arms for her ribs. His fist never connected, she moved back and trapped his wrist between her forearms, twisting his arm between hers and pulling him forward, off balance. He let himself stumble forwards, falling to his knees and twisting his upper body so he could slam his elbow into the soft flesh of her waist. She didn’t even grace him with a grunt of pain, but it clearly hurt her because he was able to free his trapped arm and spin away, getting to his feet and facing off against her again.

“You’ve got a lot more fire than your name implies.” He snarled at her.

“Ice can burn you just as badly as fire can.” She smirked, waving him forward to try again.

He feinted left, like he was going for the bruise he’d likely already left and she didn’t flinch, reading his body expertly. He felt a flicker of begrudging respect. He opened his mouth to ask her if she was frozen in place but before he could get the words out she stepped forwards, faster than he had ever seen another human being move. He never stood a chance, the impact of her fist slammed into his ribs, knocking the breath out of his lungs. She wasn’t overly strong, but she was strong enough. It was her speed and dexterity that made her deadly, because as soon as her knuckles left his ribs she fluidly turned her back to him and stepped into his body, wrapping her arm behind her - around his waist. It all happened in a split second, too fast for him to realise what had happened, never mind defend himself against it as she leant forward, pulling him with her so he was flipped over her shoulder.

As his back slammed towards the ground something twisted inside his heart and it was only decades of Empire training that saved him. He got his feet on the ground first and threw his hands underneath his body, holding his back centimetres off the ground. He saw her raise an eyebrow at his gambled manoeuvre, and her nod of approval sent a wave of anger blazing through him.

He neither wanted nor needed her approval. She was the darling of the Empire, respected by every person residing within it. A life that should have been his, had he not fucked it up. He was the first son of the first family of The Emerald Empire, in the days before the democracy that ruled The Empire now, he would have been a Prince. She was a nobody who had risen through the ranks on nothing more than her own ability, earning what should have been his birthright. She was better than him in every way, and they both knew it. He didn’t want her approval, because it was just thinly veiled pity.

He used his upper body to flip to his feet, holding back the snarl inside his chest as he attacked, raining blow after blow down on her. Most of them were blocked with ease, but a few landed. The seconds ticked away as they engaged in a violent dance, spinning across the floor in a macabre and dangerous waltz. For every blow he managed to land on her, she retaliated with two more. They were far from evenly matched but though she was faster and nimbler, he was stronger and built to take more damage, thus neither of them achieved the upper hand. He realised it was going to be stamina that won the fight, and there was barely a sheen of sweat on her skin. If he wanted to win he wasn’t going to do it by playing to his strengths, he had to play to his weakness.

He waited for an opening, a chance to step forward and leave his face unprotected, steeling himself for the hit that would be coming as a result of it. He’d known it was inevitable, he’d opened himself up to it, and yet he still didn’t see her move. It was only after the side of her fist slammed into the space between his neck and his shoulder that he knew she’d done it, by the pain shooting through him. Agonizing as it was, it was what he needed. He stumbled back, wincing in pain. Ice almost casually followed and kicked his legs out from under him, letting him fall to the ground. At the last possible second he grabbed her wrist and pulled her body into his, cradling her against his chest.

The dull thud of them hitting the ground signalled the end of the fight, the silence that followed only broken by his laboured breathing.

“You lose.” He whispered, pushing himself upright until he was kneeling on the ground.

Ice lay on her back, stunned. He’d used his own fall to bring about hers, pushing her under him in a move she couldn’t have foreseen. After all, she was a warrior and in a real fight, he’d have just gotten himself killed.

He stood up and held his hand out to help her up, but was unceremoniously shoved out of the way.

“Are you alright? Did your head connect with the ground?” The Doc demanded, clucking worriedly and looking over her slightly bemused Captain.

“No, it didn’t. His hand was cradling my head, because he didn’t stumble at all. It was a manoeuvre wasn’t it?” Ice deduced, looking up at him with more of that respect he hated.

He forced a smirk onto his face to mask the ire, glancing around as he only just registered that they’d had an audience. They were clapping for him. For the first time in his life he turned away from the adoration and watched as Ice climbed to her feet, gently swatting away the Docs attempts to help.

“Well done, nobody’s bested me in a long time. A deals a deal, I won’t recruit you.” Ice declared, tugging her coat out of the Docs arms and slipping it back on.

“Seems you’re not washed up after all, you are as good as people think you are,” He admitted, “It just so happens that I’m better.” He added, unable to help himself.

She just nodded, seemingly agreeing with him and walked away. Apparently she meant it, she wouldn’t be trying to recruit him after all, and that meant she had no further use for him. Shaking off the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach he turned back to the crowds and held out his arms.

“Who’s next?”

~~~

“I want to ask if you let him win but I can’t think why you would let your ego take a beating like that.” Jess muttered, side eying Ice with lingering concern as they left the training bays.

Ice pulled the door open and held it for her, frowning slightly.

“I don’t have an ego.” She stated as Jess passed her.

It wasn’t a rebuttal or protest, just a simple irrefutable fact.

“But you’re….”

“I’m what?” Ice pressed when the doctor trailed off.

“Captain Ice.” She uttered, like it should be explanation enough.

“Putting that massive IQ to good use I see. See Daniel, he has an ego,” Ice said, waving her hand in the direction they’d come from, back towards Lieutenant Hart, “And people with ego’s are easy to manipulate. They either develop an ego because people inflate it for them or because they need to inflate it themselves as a shield. Either way, you bruise the ego and you’re an enemy. I need a First Lieutenant, not an enemy.”

“So you don’t have an ego because you don’t want to be weak?” Jess formulated, trying to make sense of her new superior who was more forthcoming than she had expected.

It occurred to her that Ice wasn’t really being all that talkative, she was just answering Jess’s questions, treating her like an equal, letting her work her brain. It was refreshing.

“I don’t have an ego because I am weak, and I know it. Most of the tales they’re telling about me these days aren’t true, and the ones that are have been embellished. Listen to me Doctor,” She demanded, stopping dead in the middle of the corridor and staring Jess down, “Better people than me died in The War… My reputation is fuelled by their bloodshed and built on a foundation of their bones. You’re a scientist so don’t put stock in fairytales, examine the evidence yourself and form your own opinion.”

It was said gently, she wasn’t being scolded, but still, she had to prove that Ice was right to seek her out for the job, to save her from monotony and crime.

“Who’s coat are you wearing?” She asked.

Ice quirked her eyebrow and tilted her head to the side slightly, curious about the sudden line of questioning.

“Captain’s coats end at mid thigh, yours ends mid-calf. There are creases in the leather around the elbows from the amount of times you’ve pushed the sleeves up. The coat wasn’t made for you, it was made for someone much taller.” She continued, pointing out her deductions calmly.

The corner of Ice’s lip twitched minutely in a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ motion.

“You’re right, I was someone else’s. It’s mine now though.” She validated, starting to walk onwards again.

She wanted to ask whose it was but it somehow didn’t seem kind to press the issue any further. After all, most Captain’s didn’t retire.

“Why Lieutenant Hart?” She asked, moving to what seemed like a safer question.

Apparently she’d assumed wrong because Ice just shot a blank look over her shoulder instead of actually answering.

“Why do you need a crew at all? What’s the assignment?” Surely Ice would answer that one, since Jess was going to find out sooner or later anyway.  

“I’ve been assigned to Captain a sector.”

“Which one?” Jess gushed, rushing to fall into step beside Ice again.

A new solar system, dozens of potential planets to explore. The things she could learn and discover, the adventures she could have. Her mind filled with visions of the acid rains of Tregelorth in Sector 3, the black diamond moons of Artemis in Sector 412, the iridescent hallucinogenic gas from the trees of Fairthorlia in Sector 77….

“12.” Ice announced as she swung open the outer doors and stepped outside.

“The armpit?” Jess asked somewhat dejectedly, her daydreams shattered.  

“You were raised here on Heart weren’t you?” Ice scoffed, glancing up at the teal skies above them.

“Yes?”

“Then the armpit is an upgrade considering you grew up in the Empire’s asshole.” Ice informed her.

“What?”

Ice held her arms out, gesturing to the expanse of the Planet.

“This is where all the Empires shit comes from.”

NS Taglist (OPEN) 

@cateyes315​ @severepienerdturkey @justellu​

I can’t explain how grateful I am to everyone who has read this. I’ve had this concept in my mind for years and I have wanted to tell this story for so long. 

Reblogs (especially reblogs), comments, likes, anything you’re willing to give is massively appreciated. 

[spicy-yikes]

So I know the Steven Universe movie clarified that Steven is Steven and any true consciousness of Pink Diamond is gone but what if Steven’s existence is a byproduct of Pink Diamond’s corrupted gem? P.s I don’t know if this theory has been posited before but here I go

Corruption causes gems to forget who they are. For all gems it turns them into something primal but I theorize that a corrupted diamond could absolutely elevate the absence of self from primal instinct with or without intention.

Often times a corrupted gem will adopt the appearance and behaviors of the creatures around them. So many gems have jellyfish, fish, and bug like characteristics to name a few. None of these are necessarily native to their planet but they blend in with the Earth’s ecosystem.

This corruption happened well before humans were at the population rate that we see let alone that population sprawled out. Pink had seen and enjoyed humans at this time but outside of the diamonds and those working at the zoo it appears that other gems had little to no contact with the human race. It makes sense that other gems would not adopt any human features or characteristics in their corruption but I firmly believe that Pink could.

Corruption can also exists in stages as demonstrated by Centipedle.

I would also like to point out quickly that corrupted, cracked, and shattered gems are all different states. A gem does not have to appear damaged to be damaged so there would be no reason for White to comment on a crack for a corrupted Pink at the end of the original series.

This is also a viable explanation for how Steven was created since the series gives no insight into how human/gem reproduction would work.

What really sells this theory, for me anyway, isn’t the mechanics of corruption or a lacking explanation of Stevens conception but the staggering number of dialogue and story evidence that exist when keeping this theory in mind.

“I thought you'd never want to hurt anyone! You hurt everyone! How could you just leave Garnet, and Amethyst and Pearl, and-and Dad?! They don't know what to do without you! Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding the mess you made! And that's why I'm here, isn't it?! Did you just make me so you just wouldn't have to deal with your mistakes?!” - Steven, Storm in the Room

While Steven ultimately decides to give Rose the benefit of the doubt later in this scene Rose isn’t really there to answer. Steven rationalizes good intentions onto his mother but creating Steven to either escape or fix her mistakes is 100% within Rose’s character.

As Pink, Rose created other Rose Quartz in order to maintain her disguise. She has already given life to multiple beings in pursuit of correcting her mistake of asking for a colony. She even goes as so far as to give them aspects of her personality in addition to her physical traits as Rose. Steven comments in Steven Universe: Future that he and the other quartz are “like siblings.”

Pink created her ego of Rose to fix her mistakes as well but it failed in the greater picture. Now, as Rose, she’s left with corrupted gems. I theorize she attempted to heal them in secret and, of course, failed. At some point, she would have come to the same conclusion that Steven would come to later: healing corruption takes more than one diamond.

But how would Rose get help from the diamonds? She’s their enemy. She can’t return as Pink because Pink is dead. Even if she miraculously returned; why would they listen to her now when they didn’t back then? She can’t reconcile the two identities without admitting the betrayal of both the Crystal Gems and the diamonds. She’s so used to running and hiding and lying that she is unwilling to accept the consequences of coming forward which could cost her Earth itself.

So Rose can’t just create another identity for herself to assume in order to fix these mistakes too. It would just be another layer of lies that would bury her deeper and yield who knows what consequences.

If only there was someone who had attachments to Rose and Pink diamond but was blameless because they are neither Rose nor Pink, who could uncover her secrets. Someone to unbubble Bismuth. Someone who could unite humans, Crystal Gems, and the diamonds because they can be all three at once. Isn’t it awfully convenient that Steven fits that exact profile?

Rose corrupted her gem to make Steven. Steven’s physical form is copied largely from Greg. The corruption erases the identity of Rose and Pink Diamond so completely that Steven is not aware of having been them except for the occasional flashback of memory upon processing that Rose was Pink.

It’s also strange that Steven keeps glowing pink in Steven Universe: Future. That his hair and body resemble Pink in some scenes. What hits me the hardest though is that Pink/Rose kept trying to solve their mistakes in secret and before Steven’s meltdown into what I consider to be further corruption he says:

“Oh, don't worry! I fixed that too! I can fix anything. I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it! How messed up is that, that I've gotten away with this for so long? You have no idea how bad I am. Y-You think I'm so great, and I'm so mature, and I always know what to do! But that's not true! I haven't learned a thing from my problems! They've all just made me worse! You all think of me as some angel...” Steven Universe, Everything’s Fine

Steven hasn’t been doing this behavior for long. A few weeks maybe a few months have passed since he adopted this process but he says it’s been for so long. Rose is the one who has a long history of this behavior and the issues with being idolized for maturity and having answers applies to both Rose and Steven. The subconscious realization that Steven is ending up just like Rose pushes him into that further state of corruption we see. It’s also Steven’s own tears that heal his corruption enough to bring him back to his normal state and his willingness to heal. I firmly believe that despite exposure to all four healing properties that since he is unaware of his base corruption that he wouldn’t revert. Diamonds must consent to being healed and you can’t consent if you don’t know any better.

This also explains why when Steven was separated from his gem it cycled through Pink and Rose before settling on Steven’s form. The gem itself had a reflexive memory but knows Steven best and thus is Steven.

There’s probably other connections but I’m tired and it’s late so y’all just have fun with this theory. Good night!

[digitalbounce-digitalsound]

My in-depth analysis of why I left the Kpop fandom.

Please be aware, this may touch on sensitive topics.

As most of my  followers may know, I have been in the Kpop fandom for many years (Since 2006 to be exact) which means I have seen a lot, A LOT, of shit. I have had nearly my entire life controlled by Kpop and by about 2010 I completely moved away from more normal music.

Since I started secondary school I was bullied for my taste in music, I never thought anything of it because as I still believe, music is music and nothing is wrong with safe creative influence and inspiration. But the thing was, this music, this fandom had me so deluded and so removed from myself that I didn't see it was destroying me, inside and out.

After I was in the fandom for around 4 years, I was getting more and more obsessed with kpop, keeping track of the idols, watching their MV's obsessively, hoarding albums and putting up high defences for when someone made fun of them. Up until 2019 when I dropped the fandom completely, I managed to spend over £4000 on Kpop merch, be it albums, clothing, food, concerts. It was bad and a huge waste of money.

The Kpop fandom is a toxic place to be with people constantly pushing you to like certain groups, with battles around which fandom is better, which group is better between fans. Fans will discriminate against you for the way you look, the way you dress. If you don’t meet their standards they will find a way to push you away. They are all entitled and many think that stalking and giving idols zero personal space is perfectly acceptable.

Kpop music has no real meaning to it and is completely lacking when it comes down to personal messages (Bar the ones that have been self-written by the idols themselves) Kpop is just as bland and emotionless as the people that listen to it as the fans attach meanings to the songs where there are none. They don’t see that all of the music is extremely generic about money, women, men, being in a relationship and looking perfect. It is extremely sexist, concreted in gender binaries that make quite literally no sense and don’t have any soul behind them.

I guarantee that many if not all the idols that don’t write their own material, hate their songs with a passion but have to put up a plastic perfect mask to hide it. There have been so many horrible things that happen inside the genre that fans just ignore. Pretend don’t happen and it is horrible.

Because of Kpop I ended up becoming disgusted with myself, Kpop made me see flaws that weren't there, it made me want to look "Just like my idols". The impossibly thin, obviously unhealthy idols, and I did, gaining body dysmorphia and an eating disorder to boot. It led to me becoming extremely unhealthy, I would barely eat and listen too much at the insults thrown my way which did nothing but make me more self-conscious.

The constant struggle between wanting to look pretty and not wanting to kill myself was extremely difficult to deal with. Kpop made me shy, it made me reserved and not want to talk. It made me aim for dreams in the wrong way. I wanted to become a translator since I was very small so that I could help governments converse with each other and maybe help countries understand each other. That dream was changed with a want to become a translator to "Translate for my oppas" and become a concert translator or a TV show translator. I want to do seamstress work on the side, originally I wanted to do it to make costumes for Broadway productions, maybe cosplay for characters as well. That dream too, was ruined by Kpop. Making me want to do seamstress work to make stage outfits for my "Oppas and Eonnies." 

All of my dreams have been ruined by Kpop, my body too. To this day I still get confused about why I am doing certain things or why I am eating this or that because it will make me fat.

Because of the constant barrage of hate coming from my own brain, my own friends (Who consequently ended up liking Kpop), from my own family and people who I thought was close to me. I ended up thinking that the only way to escape from all of the hate was to kill myself. I became suicidal, I hated myself, I have scarred my leg so badly that I am scared to wear shorts. I constantly wore long sleeves to cover the marks on my arms, I turned in on myself and became scared to talk to people incase they bullied me or shouted at me. I grew more dependant on Kpop and I'm not proud to admit it but I ended up fetishizing Asian people, it was not a good time in my life, I felt like I could change my life, marry someone who could give me child on the inside of Kpop, it was disgusting but at the time, I didn't see it.

I had no one to openly talk to about what I was going through, nowhere to go but down at the time. I ended up doing performing arts at college, hoping that I could be recruited by an agency and meet my idols, be my idols, I thought I could get somewhere with performance. It helped, but not in the way I would have expected. I became more confident and even though I was still being bullied for my likes, bullied for things that happened in school, I continued. I kept at performance. started liking more Japanese Pop/Rock, I listened to my struggling brain instead of my aching obsessed heart and it led me to become friends with C.

She is into Kpop like me, she understood what I wanted, she understood the Asian fever, we became close friends, close friends very quickly. She lived near to me at the time and would invite me over for Kpop sessions, to have fun making Korean food, singing along to Kpop songs, to learn Korean together. At the time, I thought it was brilliant to have someone like me around but low and behold, I didn't see what she was doing to me in the meantime. I didn't know that she was controlling me.

She kept me interested with stories of becoming a teacher, this would have been the perfect way into Korea. It made so much sense, if I became a teacher I could get into Korea and live in the same place as them. Now and then I would get a small spark of realisation that C was not listening, that she didn't care about anyone but herself but I still ignored it. After I finished my Dance BTEC I decided to work for a while, gain money before looking more into becoming a teacher.

Something that you should know about me is that I am a very dependant person. Due to years of being bullied and shouted at, being constantly told I'm wrong and stupid, I rely on other people to know when I have done good, to know when I can celebrate without it coming off as me getting excited over something insignificant. I rely a lot on other people for my happiness. Emotion isn't my strong-suit so I have to surround myself with happy people who can help me see that I am a good person, who can help me with how to display emotion in a normal way.

C did not seem to realise this throughout our whole friendship and would never try to help when my emotional state started dropping, she wouldn't help me understand what the correct amount of emotion is, what grade is good and what isn't. We started a higher education course together, C basically clinging to me but my dependant ass didn't notice and clung back since she was the only other person who liked Kpop that I knew. During the course I had time to think about what I actually wanted to do. Being part of the English literature course made me remember my dream of translation, in the psychology course I learned more about myself, about how my anxiety works, how my manic depression effects my state of mind. I learned about so many different and interesting things that my brain started to click, I started to realise that I didn't like Kpop, I was obsessed with it.

I was obsessed and infatuated, Kpop was my unhealthy coping method which I didn't see. Kpop was the thing that was hurting me the most. At this time, I was still unable to let go. I still couldn't stop myself. When we applied to Universities somewhere in the back of my head my brain was telling me to apply for another course, and I did. whilst C applied for teaching courses and Korean I applied for nearly entirely teaching and Korean courses but snuck in an application for Japanese and International Business.

I felt like I had to sneak at that point because of her becoming overbearing and controlling, making me feel like the only place I could be was right behind her, following her the whole time.

In some fucked twist of fate me and her got into the same university, her on a Korean and tesol course and me on Japanese and Int Business. The small light in the back of my head was still telling me that it was still twisted, that I should not be how I am. That obsessing over Kpop isn't right but I still didn't listen, thinking that Kpop was the right place to be.

I should have seen what she was doing to me when she came to my Bass Practice at one point and heard me play only to weeks later suggest I don’t bring my Bass to Uni as it would “Distract me” yet she brought her PlayStation. She also tried to deter me away from normal music both at the time and during my time around her at University.

Now, I would never try to fully get rid of that time in my life, I would much rather just ignore it as I made many great friends through Kpop (C not being one of them) and I had a lot of fun at the concerts I went to.

Funnily enough, it was religion that actually jogged me out of this freakstorm called Kpop. I always understood the idea of a higher power, of something more than chemicals but less than a "god" It ended up with me finding Satanism (Laveyan) I realised that Religion is only as powerful as you make it. Obsessions, whilst good, are bad in large quantities, you must indulge yourself but too much indulgence leads to greed which is exactly what happened to me. I got too greedy and neglected the rest of my life.

It started small, I would listen to more heavy metal (thinks like Rammstein and Slipknot) and would practice bass more, listen to Kpop less and work on my course and my grades. Of course this slightly strained my friendship with C, I still listened to Kpop, went to the events at the uni, had a fun time at most of them. It wasn't until mid-year that I started seeing the error of my ways.

We went to another Kpop club night that was part of the uni. Because I was getting more used to normal music I could see people staring more, glancing at us with disgust because we knew older songs, because I wouldn't dance for certain groups. It was a small wakeup call, the feeling of being judged and bullied yet again by people nearing on 3 years younger than me was just a pain.

C had pointed a guy out to us during first year, his name is David, he is Korean and was a little bit of an ass (which was understandable due to the amount of Koreaboos he has had to deal with) I did think he was cute, he was a nice guy, liked music I liked but I was not attracted to him (Like I would have been when I was under that disgusting influence) so I just wanted to be his friend.

It started kicking off one night when C got upset over a what David thought was a joke, they both argued and shouted, I ended up as a go between, figuring out what happened, defending C and stopping David from hurting anyone. C took this as me taking David's side, proceeded to not listen to me, make me upset and with my horrible control over emotions, I started having a panic attack whilst shouting at her. She hugged me during my panic attack (A big no no because she was restraining me and giving me physical contact which I hate. Which she should have known being friends with me for 6 years) that made me pass-out, hit my head and get sent to the hospital with a concussion.

I had to pretend it wasn't her fault even though it killed me to do so. During my night in the hospital she managed to make it about her which really upset me. I ended up hanging around with my classmate/friend M after that. M was nice, she listened to me, her and E helped me realise that Kpop isn't all it's set up to be.

After that it went down hill with argues popping up a lot and for me, no escape since we lived together. I started getting disgusted by the Kpop nights with how obsessive and OTT the Kpop fans were, how horrible they were too. It all snapped one day when I just got my results back for an essay which I got a 1st in, I was over the moon but yet again, didn't know if it was good or not. When I showed people for confirmation that I could be happy I was met with jealous but very happy responses apart from C. The one person who was basically my jailer, who told me when it was okay to be happy or not, she responded with "Oh that's alright then I guess." and brushed it off like it was nothing.

It was then that it hit me she has been manipulating me for years, not giving me any real emotions to show. We were friends for 6 years and at that moment, all of the times she brushed me off or never let me talk, talked over me to speak about herself, it all came back. I was so disgusted and upset that I just stopped talking to her, I was too angry to talk to her and was worried that I may hurt her if I do talk.

She took offence to my silence and called me names, tried to force me to talk to her (Which is also bad because I do not react well to forced confrontation and most of the time lash out both physically and verbally) so I kept ignoring her to the point I felt too threatened to leave my room. It was horrible. I wasn't until she sent me a message telling me to act like an adult that I flipped.

No one, and I mean no one, calls me childish and gets away with it. That is the number 1 way to piss me off and get me to immediately cut ties.

I put in an application to move with the Uni due to being under threat and feeling unsafe. They moved me the next day. Whilst She was still in the flat, she didn't even notice me moving out. I was so disgusted with that.

After that, I met my new flatmates, none of them liked Kpop, they introduced me to nice music, better music which actually made me feel good, not infatuated. Happy. I could talk to them more about normal things. because of the lack of the obsession, my grades went up, I started making friends easier, my confidence went up.

After getting back into normal music, i started to realise how low-quality Kpop actually is. How disgustingly gendered it is and how sexist it is. Kpop ruined me but normal music made me realise who I am and how to become that person I always wished I was.

The only music I strictly don't listen to now is Rap, Kpop and Top-Chart Pop music.

Currently, I am a university student working towards my dream of becoming a government translator. I have prospects to work in Japan after I graduate and I am absolutely ecstatic about that. I cut out so many bad friends and managed to make myself feel more human again just by getting rid of a single music taste from my life.

 -Killian.

(If you’re going to spam me with hate and try to whine about how “Not all Kpop fans are like that” or “Kpop isn’t bad, you’re just stupid” and shit like that then you are just proving my point. If you come at me with a valid argument and actual valid points, I will explain my opinions and my side of the argument.)

BASICALLY, TREAT ME HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Don’t be an asshole because I will just be an asshole back.