#nobdoy yelling into the void
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So The Notebook triggers me, I learned tonight.
#I don't think I can finish this movie actually#my body physically hurts what the fuck#I did not know that I had triggers for this#shit. shit i still got shit to work through.#I mean I knew I had stuff to work through but. shit.#nobdoy yelling into the void
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Second badge acquired! Time for a little break but I'LL BE BACK to boop all you cool cats and kittens 馃槑 after dinner
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Feeling awful so I bought myself a yoga mat and really my needs are so few actually
#nobdoy yelling into the void#feel like I've been crying or laughing for a solid 24 hours#I need to stretch myself out and go to bed
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Today I've realized that Yaya doesn't bury her bones in the litterboxes anymore. She hasn't for months. I've been thinking about how habits change when you're in a safe place where the things you need are found in abundance. I've been thinking of how resilient she was when she was pregnant and kicked out of the only house she'd ever known and how she found the guy that gave her to me.
She is such an airhead, which I guess all huskies are, but she is also so impressive and I didn't think I'd ever love her this much because she really is so much trouble but I keep thinking of that line that's like. It's not rotten work. It's loving you. And I think you're worth it, you're worth loving.
#posting this old draft on account of that actual line came across my dash and made me think of it#nobdoy yelling into the void#it's rotten work--#but not to me--not if it's you#in which i continue to use my pets as replacements for social interaction#cause like aren't pets social interaction???#if they're a social species like cats and dogs and horses i feel like that counts#freyaya
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Someone please tell me why my job interview today was conducted by one of the hottest men alive and also why I admitted to him that I have five cats
I truly hope that you cannot get disqualified from a job for having too many cats because I KNOW IT'S TOO MANY CATS but they all love each other so much and I'd feel like a dick if I separated them
#nobdoy yelling into the void#four of them are siblings and they haven't been apart in 3 years and I just don't know what they'd be like if I split them up#also I love them your honor#I didn't plan to have five cats but I also certainly don't plan on getting rid of them#I do have a very firm NO muscle as far as taking on any more
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Applying for jobs is scary anyway but when you've been doing the same job at the same place for 10+ years is absolutely harrowing. I've had too much time to learn to distrust everybody in power at my current job and it's not that I think they'd give me bad references but I don't want them to talk about me at all ever again forever.
#nobdoy yelling into the void#I was supposed to start job hunting in February but I didn't finish the agonizing act of writing a resume until now#and now these people want cover letters?#and references?#for 15 an hour???#its too much effort#i dont know how people do it
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Why is the g in phlegm silent but the g in phlegmatic is pronounced. Why. I am so angry about the English language right now.
#nobdoy yelling into the void#I know this anger is irrational#I'm pretty sure it is related to all of the food dye on all of the medicines#this post brought to you by day 8 of having covid
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Y'all I am a 33 year old educational professional why am I ignoring the lesson plans that I need to write in favor of arguing with probable children on the internet about whether or not Peach and Bowser are good for each other
#nobdoy yelling into the void#I'm going to need somebody to stop me#or hand me a link to a discord#because I really need to get out of the YouTube comment section
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You know what maybe what I actually need is to find friends to talk to because my problems never seem big enough for a therapist, like the therapist always wants to find the, the big thing that's ruining my life and I keep telling them no this is just how it is and they're like but that's not that bad. But when I was talking to friends regularly they could say hey that's fucked up, don't internalize that miniscule situation, let's go do something distracting and that was helpful, for me, anyway.
Until I found out that they were really horrifying racists actually and ultimately believed I shouldn't have rights to my own body. That's pretty fucked up too, that the people that supported me and listened to me were shitty. Maybe that did something to me. That would be worth talking out with a therapist.
Or maybe that wouldn't be a big enough problem either. Who knows? Cuz I'm broke so we won't be finding that out! And also pretty distressed so I won't be making friends to find out about it either lol!
#nobdoy yelling into the void#also am I too on tumblr or not enough on tumblr?#am I too busy to be thinking about this or using this to procrastinate?#see these are friend questions not therapist questions#anyway none of it matters it's not really that big of a deal but I needed to yell into the void about it#I miss lockdown#I miss things being slower#i miss living by myself#I miss having my own space for real#also my own refrigerator
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I don't really celebrate Christmas outside of family obligations but maybe I shouldn't do even that much.
#nobdoy yelling into the void#it's so hard living at home sometimes#it's so hard when there isn't another option really#I need to find a therapist probably but who has time or money for that now
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Maybe it's silly that I'm so old and I think about what I would say if I was ever a celebrity and had an interview
But I've just seen like a lot of those BuzzFeed puppy and kitten interviews lately
And like don't get me wrong they're cute as like a concept but in real life I just don't like puppies and kittens
I would want Senior dogs at my interview. Like if their face isn't gray they are not eligible. Just like two or three that are straight vibin together and thrilled to settle down all around me and get snuggles while I am actually able to pay attention to interview questions
#nobdoy yelling into the void#Jennie's mantra came out and then apt by Ros茅 I'm just now I've seen Keanu covered in goldens#I only want to do an interview if they're silver#and then of course I get to adopt them afterwards obviously
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It's time to look for boarding again 馃槱
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My mom gets so mad at my dad for having a disability and I just. Don't. Understand.
#nobdoy yelling into the void#dry january is off to a terrible start#i think mostly shes mad at herself but like#shes tries to drag me into drama about it and im like SO???#yeah hes not helping put away Christmas decor he can varely walk unassisted????#then shes standing over him being angry that he cant remember where stuff was#i just cannot relate to being angry at people who are doing their best???
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Really wish I was part of the numbers fandom so I could not fail this math class quite so hard. Like theoretically I know there's a formula for compounding interest or whatever and sure there's Khan academy I just don't care about the number blorbos and so I don't want to know any of it and then I fail all of my homework and I'm going to get an F in this class 馃檭
#nobdoy yelling into the void#precalc is not my jam#physics is gonna be rough when i finally get to it 馃槶#I need somebody to write a k-drama where you have to know banking things to follow the story#also make it fashion just to hold my interest a little longer#there should also be a ghost involved#and a black cat. for luck#I think I have only ever made one c in my life before this class#and my grade average for this class is currently 44% 馃槀
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I will never again sign up for a college course before checking ratemyprofessor. 馃檭
#nobdoy yelling into the void#like its not a great site but its on point for the issues im having now#馃珷
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I have never in my life failed 3 classes in one semester but there's a first time for everything I guess
#i might not fail#but its not looking good#nobdoy yelling into the void#im super overwhelmed but too far in to withdraw :(
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