#no you fucking dipshit we mean the NAME

[pastafossa]

hello gunnar has been mentioned 9 times in the rough draft and i have had to change every single mention

[loving-barnes]

LOGAN HOWLETT - VERSION OF YOU

A/N: Inspired by the Deadpool and Wolverine trailer. Inaccurate things when it comes to timelines and shit. Beware, it was not edited properly. Sorry.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x mutant female reader

Warning: angsty?, attempt at being funny?

My stories are written for mature audiences - 18+!

Words: 2500+

Important note: Hugh Jackman!Wolverine (which means he's tall as fuck!)

FULL MASTERLIST | LOGAN HOWLETT MASTERLIST

LOGAN HOWLETT - VERSION OF YOU

“Do you think this is gonna work?” 

“Agent Smith said it would.” 

“It’s fucking weird, you know?” 

“A lot of fucked up things happened before. This is nothing compared to what I have to deal with now. So, ladies first.”

Wade pointed at the weird-looking orange door. He didn’t want to walk through them first. That fucker shoved Y/N right into the portal before he took a step forward. Coward. 

They appeared in front of a dive bar, during a bright sunny day. Y/N looked at Wade, well, more like at his masked face. “Wasn’t this place supposed to be fucked up?” she asked. “It’s too nice outside.”

“It will become in a matter of hours. Now, here’s the plan,” he said. “We’ll go in. I’ll talk first. If I won’t move with that stubborn mountain of a man, it’s your turn. Do whatever it takes to bring him with us - smile at him, have sex with him, for all I care. And, who knows, maybe we will know whether Agent Smith was right.” 

“I call bullshit,” said Y/N, cracking her knuckles. “I don’t know him. I think it’s a fairy tale he made up so I would work with you,” she said, fixing her tactical suit. “Can’t believe I’m doing this shit with you, Wade.”

He chuckled. “Come on, you love spending time with me, kicking ass, making men suffer.” 

“I will make you suffer.”

Together, they approached the entrance door of the dive bar. Wade was the first one to walk in. During the day, there weren’t many people around. Some people gave them brief attention but quickly went back to their beers. Y/N glared at Wade. 

“Our guy is right there,” he said, pointing to the bar. 

And there he was - their target - the man they had to collect to save the universe. Was it the universe or the multiverse? Whatever it was, he was crucial for this mission. 

Y/N eyed his back - the dark jacket he wore and how bent he was over the bar. The sadness radiated from him. Something was happening inside her. As if she experienced a magnetic pull towards him.

Y/N showed Wade forward to start. She was curious to see the man’s reaction. She sat at a nearby table ready to watch the scene unfold. Of course, Wade used a beautiful opening line that would normally get his assed whipped. 

“Hi, peanut.”

Y/N bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing. This was Wade, typical Wade Wilson. Fucking Deadpool and her best friend. How the fuck did they manage to become friends? She knew him for a long time, fought alongside him and tolerated that dipshit. 

“Look, lady, I’m not interested,” the man said gruffly. His voice was deep, husky and kind of sexy. It made Y/N tilt her head. Interesting. 

It was painful to watch the interaction. Wade tried to get him off the chair, away from the bar before he could explain anything. Such a rookie mistake. It was time to intervene before Wade overstepped and jeopardised this whole mission. 

She got off the chair and walked to the tall, well-built man. With a smile, she tapped on his shoulder. He instantly turned, his weird metal claws already out of his hands, ready to fight. When their eyes met, she showed him her bright smile and teeth. “Hi, peanut.” 

His face changed from pissed to shocked in less than a second. For a second it lost its colour. The man’s mouth opened wide. “Y/N?” he said her name gently, too gently for her liking. “Holy shit.” 

“Ha, Agent Smith was right,” Wade laughed, pointing a finger at her face. It got him three claws into his stomach. It made him grunt and fell to his knees. “Ouch. That fucking hurt.” 

“You know me?” Y/N asked, not believing the whole story she was told back in the TVA. 

That question took him aback. “What kind of dumb question is that, baby? Of course, I know ya,” and his hands reached for her face, holding her cheeks. To Y/N’s surprise, she let him. “How is this possible? How are you alive?” 

It was Y/N’s time for her eyes to widen in complete shock. “Woah,” she stepped back. 

“It’s me,” he said, frowning. “It’s Logan.” 

Wade decided to step in, waving a hand at them. “I don’t want to interrupt this romantic reunion, but we need to talk to you, big guy. It’s important.” 

“You came here with the weírd-looking sex toy?” Logan’s eyes were back on Y/N. “What the fuck is this? The the fuck is going on?”

That made her laugh. “Ha, Wade, even he thinks you look like a sex toy. With Cable, we are now three who think the same thing.” 

“Fuck you, Y/N,” he spat back. 

The man, Logan, pushed away from her, glaring. His claws were in the air, ready to strike if necessary. “Who the fuck are you?”

“My name is Deadpool and this is my annoying friend Y/N,” Wade introduced them. 

“You are an ass,” Y/N glared at Wade.

“Impossible,” Logan shook his head, bumping into a wooden stool. “You are dead,” he pointed a finger directly at Y/N’s face. “You cannot be here. You died in my fucking arms! Who the fuck are you?” he raised his voice at her. 

“I’m Y/N,” she said. 

“Don’t bullshit me!” 

There was a sound of a loading gun. All three lazily turned their gaze to the bartender who was pointing a shotgun at them. None of them was intimidated by that. “Get the fuck out of my bar! Now! Or I will shoot you all.” 

“I think this is our cue,” Wade whispered. 

Logan grabbed Wade by the red top of his suit, pushing him out of the bar like he was a ragdoll. Y/N immediately followed them out, ready to step in if necessary. She wasn’t worried about Wade. He was immortal. His body parts would grow back. She was more ready to step in intellectually. That was something Wade didn’t know how to do. 

“Everyone calm down,” she said. 

“No!” they both yelled at her, already fighting like children.

Y/N looked at herself, reading this story and made a sour face. “Men,” she sighed and turned her gaze to the two men who were about to tear each other apart. A purple-looking mist appeared in her hands and she pushed the men away from each other. 

“That’s enough, gentlemen,” she said. 

There was blood coming out of Wade’s abdomen - the marks from the claws. She had to shake her head. Wade had his gun out, pointing it directly at Logan. “Will you fucking listen, you oaf?” 

Logan’s eyes moved from him back to Y/N. She saw how his stance relaxed. It was painful to look at her, see someone he lost. His claws retraced back into his hands. His fists clenched tightly, knuckles becoming white. “How come you are alive?” he asked. 

Y/N sighed. “Because I’m not her… me… uh,” she shook her head. “It’s complicated.”

“Fucking talk, woman,” he raised his voice. 

She raised her hand to calm him. “I can explain. But I need you to come with us, Logan.”

His eyes closed. When Y/N said her name, more emotions ran across his face. “How can I trust you? I can’t seem to trust my own mind.” 

Wade was ready to say something stupid, but Y/N quickly shut him up by throwing him away with her power. “Believe me, it doesn’t make any sense to me, too. I can give you an explanation if you will help us.” 

“Help with what?” he raised a brow. 

Y/N made a face, changed it to a frown. ”To save the multiverse?” she said it like a question, hesitant whether he’d believe her. “Before you say anything, I know it sounds fucking crazy. Trust me, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.” 

Wade came running back. “That was rude, you know?” 

“Shut up,” she glared at him. “We need his help, so let me handle it. Just for once, Wade, I need you to zip it, okay?” 

He leaned closer to Logan. “She’s hormonal,” he whispered to him. 

This time, Y/N decided to ignore his comment. “Please,” she turned her gaze to Logan. “Will you come with us? Help us save our world, all of the worlds?” 

He scoffed. “I’m no hero, kid.” 

Y/N turned her head to Wade, then back to Logan. “None of us are heroes here,” she said. “Maybe that’s why we are meant to save everyone’s asses,” she shrugged. 

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “How come you are not a hero? You are the sweetest thing in this world. You are the definition of heroism and kindness,” he said. 

She made a face. “Come with us and we’ll talk about it all.” 

And he did. 

. . . 

Logan and Y/N sat behind an old-fashioned plastic table. He still wore his clothes while Y/N changed from her tactical suit to jeans and a simple shirt. The silence between them was awkward. The tension could be cut with a knife. His eyes scanned her from head to anywhere they were able to reach. 

There was a stack of documents and papers by her side. She grabbed them to show them to prove she was not lying. 

The door opened and Wade stepped in, out of his red suit. Logan gasped, horrified when he saw the man’s face. “What the fuck? Holy shit, that is fucking horrible. As if you were ran down by a Zamboni,” he yelled. 

“It’s disgusting, right?” Y/N nodded. But a second later a grin was on her face. 

“Ha, ha,” Wade pretended to laugh. “Can’t believe you two are laughing at a poor disabled man who happened to have his face fucked to safe his shitty life.” 

“That was your decision,” Y/N reminded him. 

Logan pretended to hurl. Y/N chuckled. “It’s hard to look at him.” 

Y/N smiled at her friend. “Could you leave us alone?” she asked. “I need to talk to him alone and, well, it takes time to get used to your face.” 

Wade pointed a finger at her. “One day, I will cut your tongue out,” he threatened. He was already on his way out. “Oh,” he threw her a little device. “If you want to show him something spicy,” he winked at her. 

Once the door shut behind him, Y/N exhaled the breath she was holding. “Now that he’s out of the picture,” she waved with a hand.

“Just start singing,” said Logan, annoyed. 

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N, but I am not your Y/N. I’m from a different timeline,” she started. 

“How are you, not my Y/N? You sound the same, you look the same. You have the same mutation,” he said. “And a different timeline? What kind of bullshit is that?” 

She shrugged. “Hey, I found out about all of this today, okay?” she then glared at him. “I, myself, have trouble taking it in. It’s crazy, it’s fucked up on so many levels. It’s not easy for me too, you know?” 

Logan huffed. “Continue.”

“This is going to sound crazy, so prepare yourself.” She took a deep breath. “I was told, and showed, that somehow, we are meant to be together in almost every timeline.”

“What?” 

Y/N made a face. “It sounds like a fucking fairytale.” Her hands grabbed the first folder, looking at its name. When she opened it, there was a photo of both of them. They looked the same. Y/N pushed her chair closer to him and showed Logan the details in the document. “In this timeline, we are both normal people. We live together in the Canadian mountains.” 

Logan took the folder and read the document. His eyes went over the photo. He shook his head. “Holy shit,” was the only thing he said. 

Y/N reached for another folder. When she opened it, she chuckled. “Here, you are a notorious mob boss,” she showed him. In the picture, he had an eyepatch over his left eye. “We live in Madripoor. People know you there as Patch.” 

“What about my version in your world?” he asked.

She sighed. “There is none. I said we are meant to be together in almost every universe. In mine, you don’t exist.” She turned to the documents and took out the one from her timeline.

Logan snatched it from her, reading through the words. “You are a mercenary?” he asked. 

“Uh, yeah,” she nodded. “Wade and I have a business together. He’s the only family I have. Well, Wade and his fianceé Vanessa. In the past, the Avengers approached with the offer to be in their team. I declined. That’s not who I am.” 

“Is there a world, uh, timeline where you don’t exist?” he asked.

“They told me there used to be one, but that timeline was destroyed a long time ago,” she explained. “Don’t ask me how that happened, because I don’t have an answer for that. You should ask Agent Smith that.” 

“Why do you keep calling him that?” 

“He looks like a character from a movie,” she explained. Her hand reached for another folder. When she opened it, she laughed. “In this world, you and are enemies that secretly love each other.” 

Logan’s brow raised. He read the details of their relationship. “You are on Magneto’s side?” he gasped. “I mean, she is… This is so confusing.” 

“Uh,” she hesitated for a moment. “When did you lose me? Or the version of me. You know what I mean.” 

“Haven’t you read that?” he asked. 

“Nope,” she shook he head. “I’ve got through a couple of those folders. I was only told that we were going to your timeline and that I was dead. Plus to get you out of there and convince you to help us.” 

Logan nodded. “You died…” It was hard to talk about it. “It happened a few years ago during a war that the mutants were in,” he said. “You died in my arms,” he cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry,” Y/N whispered. 

“I live with that pain every day,” he continued. “And now, it is fucking harder than ever before, because here you are, sitting in front of me, but you are not… her.” 

At that point, she realised how difficult this experience was for him. Logan seemed like a tough guy. The pain that reflected in his eyes, how he avoided meeting her eyes more and more. 

“Everyone I knew is dead,” said Logan after a pause. “No one lives in my world that I care about.” 

Y/N bit her lower lip. “Logan,” she said his name softly. “We pulled you out of your timeline because it will be destroyed soon.” 

His eyes widened. “Wait, what? What’s going to happen to me?” 

“The TVA will present you with options. But if we save the multiverse, we will be rewarded. Or that’s what they told me,” she said. 

“It doesn’t matter. No one in my world is alive.” He stood up from the chair. “Let’s do this shit. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.” 

Y/N put a small smile on her face. She wanted to show him more, tell him what they told her, what she thought of it. “Yeah, let’s do this.” 

[stevieschrodinger]

Baker Steve/Rock Star Eddie wrong number AU

Part One

Part Two

PART THREE

"It's like a TV show, but on YouTube."

"Right," Steve answers, half listening to Dustin's explanation, "so it, like what, has an air time, or whatever?"

"Yeah, like a series."

"And it's just, what, famous people playing dipshits and dickheads?"

"Steeeeeeeeeeeevvvvveeeeeeeeeeee why are you like this?"

"Dunno," Steve shrugs, trying to read a recipe online. Unfortunately that's resulted in his having to scroll past someones entire fucking life story and he's ready to give up and try and work out the dumb Oreo cake recipe himself, "just lucky, I guess."

Dustin drops his head on the kitchen counter like Steve is the greatest difficulty he's ever going to face.

"So why do you need to be here to watch this?"

"Because we all want to watch it together, the guests are Corroded Coffin, they all like, play, the whole band, it's so cool-"

"Corroded Coffin? Playing your nerd game?" Steve's interest leaks through before he can stop it, "I mean, like, I think I've heard of them?" The last thing he needs is the kids finding out he's been kind of friends kind of flirting kind of maybe wants to date the actual Eddie Munson.

Dustin looks at him skeptically, "yeah...so you-"

"You can all watch it here, it's fine...I'll make cookies."

Dustin's completely distracted by his own success, instantly whipping out his phone to inform the other kids. Steve's pretty sure their group chat is called 'No Steve's allowed' but he hasn't actually found out for sure yet.

Steve does bake cookies. All the kids are gathered around his smart TV, absolutely demolishing them while they wait for this thing to start. It's like, an actual channel, with intros and graphics and stuff, a logo that reads 'Final Roll.'

And there's Eddie and the band, sitting around a table with two dudes who must run the channel. They all have the bits of paper and dice and little figures that Steve's used to seeing when the kids commandeer his dining room table.

There's preemptive ramble, and Steve leans forward a little every time Eddie's in shot. He's relieved all the kids are all sitting in front of him and all glued to the TV, so he can ogle in peace. They do introductions, and then everyone introduces their characters.

"May I introduce Sir Steven, the half elf paladin," behind Eddie Gareth rolls his eyes so hard his whole fucking body moves. Steve can see him and Geoff mouthing something to each other. Steve can only assume it's because Eddie has named his character, presumably, after him, "he has a sworn oath to always protect those weaker than himself."

Steve's heart fucking melts.

Steve's phone is buzzing. He's prepared. He knows Eddie's back in the country, they've been talking for months. Steve's kind of done waiting, and he's ready to press his advantage. He's had this set up for a little while, just waiting for the right moment. He presses play, and then answers the phone.

"Hey Stevie how-...are you listening to Corroded Coffin?"

"Yeah, yeah," Steve turns it down, bomb dropped, trap sprung, advantage played, "the kids absolutely love them, they're trying to get me into them even though they're not exactly my thing."

"Right, ah, right, what do you, uhm, think?"

"Yeah. Still not my thing-"

"Oh."

"But I really like it when the lead guy sings."

"...yeah?"

"Yeah, not the like, shouty growly singing, I can't understand a fucking thing he's saying-" Eddie chuckles, "but like, the parts where he properly sings. I think he has a beautiful voice."

"I ah, well, I mean, I bet the, uhm, shouty bits are hard work, you know. I expect that takes a lot of, you know, practice. Hell on the throat. I imagine, I would guess anyway, I don't actually, like know-"

"No no, yeah, well, maybe he should just sing more then, save those vocal chords, or whatever. I'd like that a lot."

"Yeah?" Steve can practically hear Eddie blushing down the phone. Eddie's so cute when he goes shy.

"Yeah." There's a long beat of silence before Steve goes in for the kill, "the kids are trying to get me to go see them. They're in the states now, apparently. Will be playing a gig in Indie."

"Yeah they are- I mean, I assume they are, most bands, uhm, yeah-" And Steve is hardly holding it together, Eddie is such a bad liar, and he's trying so hard not to lie at all. Steve doesn't know how he;s keeping his tone normal and not letting the whole ass cat out of the bag.

"And the kids are absolutely itching to go, you know? But tickets man, they're all doing every chore they can find to get some extra cash, but tickets are pricey, and for eight of us? Because I'll need someone else to help me chaperone and, you know..."

"I. I might...know a guy. Maybe. Like, because of the band I might...know someone who can get you tickets."

"Seriously? Eddie that would be incredible, the kids will absolutely loose their shit."

"Yeah, ah, is your work email cool?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course of course, man, the kids are going to love you for like, forever."

And maybe I will too, Steve just about manages to keep the words inside.

@steves-yellow-cardigin @melodymeddler @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao

@superduckmilkshake @she-collects-smut @paintsplatteredandimperfect @resident-gay-bitch

[aprillikesthings]

The entire plot of She-Ra would be kind of hilarious from the POV of a random Horde soldier the same age/cohort of cadets as Catra and Adora (we know there's more we see on screen whose names we never learn)

Because just imagine

You grow up and sleep in the same bunk room and those two are constantly sharing the same bed, and Adora is at least friendly with everyone but if you're TOO friendly Catra hisses at you and threatens to cut you

Shadow Weaver is obviously obsessed with Adora and using Catra to control her (...and vent her own anger whenever she feels like it), so you just uhhh stay out of that as much as you can

And then one day right after Adora makes Force Captain she disappears and both Shadow Weaver and Catra lose their fucking minds about it, as if there's not dozens of other Horde soldiers, why is it always about Adora

Oh and there's some new tall blonde princess named She-Ra who keeps kicking the Horde's asses?

What do you mean that's also Adora??? THE FUCK???

Oh and look Catra is still weirdly obsessed with her and the two of them seem to start every battle only to run off and fight each other, for fucks sake they should just bang already, you're tired of getting beat to shit because of those two

Anyway at some point Shadow Weaver is gone and then Catra is too, for a while; but oh nope ha ha there she is again

Also at some point some kinda portal thing opens up and everything is HELLA WEIRD and then suddenly everything is back to normal

Except after that Catra's giving orders ALL THE TIME, and she gets meaner and meaner and if anyone tries to talk to her about it they also get shouted at

And then Catra and Hordak disappear, then Horde Prime shows up, and the world almost ends but it doesn't and the Fright Zone is covered in plants for some reason??? Wow the sky is bright without all that pollution. Weird.

And then you find out that the reason the world didn't end is ....Catra and Adora had a make-out somewhere underground and also, now Catra is glued to She-Ra's side and making goo-goo eyes at her

LIKE. The plot of She-Ra would be absolutely batshit from their POV and I can't stop laughing about it, like what do you MEAN I've been sent to fight in battle over and over because these two dipshits couldn't just tell each other they wanted to bang for MULTIPLE YEARS

[kentobb]

The Bet (Part Eight)

Characters: College!Sukuna x Female Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Angst. Breakup.

Author’s note: SAW YALLS COMMENT. ITAFUSHI MENTIONED!!! PERIOD!

Part One

Sukuna gently covered you with the blanket. He watched you for a moment, a soft smile on his face, before quietly getting up. He tiptoed out of the room, careful not to wake you, and made his way to the living room.

Nobara was still knocked out on the couch, snoring softly. Sukuna shook his head with a small chuckle and went to dispose of the empty water bottle in the kitchen. Just as he finished, he heard the door open slowly. He turned to see Yuuji trying to sneak in quietly, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw Sukuna.

"Shush," Sukuna whispered, pointing at Nobara who was sleeping on the couch. Yuuji nodded and tiptoed past her, following Sukuna into his room.

Once inside, Sukuna closed the door quietly and turned to Yuuji, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "It's 8 in the morning, dipshit. Where the hell were you?" Sukuna asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yuuji rubbed the back of his neck, clearly flustered. "I was at the party," he mumbled.

Sukuna's eyes narrowed as he noticed the hickey on Yuuji's neck. "Is that a souvenir?" he asked with a smirk, pointing at the mark.

Yuuji blushed and scowled. "Fuck off."

Sukuna chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Mahito’s party finished hours ago, idiot. Where were you really?”

Yuuji sighed, knowing he was cornered. Sukuna’s smirk widened as he leaned in closer. "Come on, admit it. You were kissing the Hedgehog Head, weren't you?"

Yuuji’s eyes widened, and he spluttered. "Who?"

Sukuna laughed, enjoying his brother’s discomfort. "You know, the guy with the spiky hair. What’s his name... Megumi? Yeah, that’s it. You were kissing Megumi, weren’t you?"

Yuuji squirmed uncomfortably. "You’re so annoying" Yuuji said, clearly flustered. "Seriously, can we stop making this about me? What about you? Is she here with you?"

Sukuna's teasing grin softened into a genuine smile. "Yeah, she's here. But she is drunk.”

Yuuji placed a hand on Sukuna's shoulder, giving it a supportive squeeze. "Don’t worry. You will get to talk to her.”

"I will," Sukuna replied, his voice filled with determination. "She means everything to me."

As Sukuna started to walk away, he stopped in his tracks and turned back towards Yuuji, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Oh, and Yuuji," he called out, "next time you see Megumi, ask him if his hair can pick up satellite TV. I swear, it looks like it gets better channels than Netflix."

Yuuji's eyes rolled back dramatically, and he let out an exaggerated groan. "Seriously, Sukuna? You need a new hobby."

Sukuna laughed, his grin widening. "Just saying.”

Yuuji shook his head, a reluctant smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go take care of your girlfriend."

Sukuna gave him a playful salute. "Will do. Enjoy your satellite reception."

As Sukuna headed back towards his room, he couldn't help but chuckle at Yuuji's exasperated expression. Re-entering the bedroom, he found you still sleeping peacefully. He climbed back into bed beside you, careful not to disturb you.

In the afternoon, you woke up feeling the effects of the hangover. Your stomach churned, and you were sweating and thirsty. As you shifted on the bed, you quickly recognized where you were. Sitting up, you felt the room spinning slightly. Sukuna woke up instantly at your movements, his protective instincts kicking in.

He saw the pallor of your face and immediately got worried. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly, moving closer to you.

Before you could respond, the feeling of nausea overwhelmed you. Sukuna noticed the look of distress on your face and quickly grabbed the bucket he had placed next to the bed, anticipating this reaction. You leaned over the bucket and started to throw up.

Sukuna gently held your hair back, making sure it didn’t fall into your face and get dirty. His touch was soothing, and he spoke to you in a calm, reassuring voice. "It's okay, just let it out. I'm here with you. You're going to be okay."

You continued to retch, your body shaking with each heave. Sukuna's heart ached seeing you in such distress, but he stayed by your side, whispering words of comfort. "You're doing great. Just get it all out."

Eventually, the vomiting subsided, and you slumped back onto the bed, exhausted and shaky. Sukuna put the bucket aside and wiped your face gently with a tissue. He noticed the weakness of your limbs, how you seemed to barely hold yourself up. Gently, he took the bucket away and set it aside. Without a word, he scooped you up into his arms, carrying you towards the bathroom.

"You need a bath," he said softly, his voice filled with concern.

You nodded weakly, too exhausted to protest. Sukuna carefully set you down and began running a hot bath. The steam filled the room, creating a soothing atmosphere. He turned back to you, gently undressing you while trying to avert his eyes to respect your privacy. Once you were undressed, he helped you into the tub, the warm water immediately starting to work its magic on your aching muscles.

"I'll be right back," he murmured, quickly stepping out to grab a bottle of water. He returned in no time, sitting down beside the bathtub.

You looked tired and weak, your eyes heavy-lidded as you leaned back against the edge of the tub. Sukuna took your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

"I… I don’t know" you whispered, the heat of the water helping to ease her discomfort.

Sukuna dipped his hand into the water and gently wet your hair, taking his time to be gentle. He massaged shampoo into your scalp, his fingers working through your hair with care. You closed your eyes, letting out a small sigh of relief as he worked. After thoroughly rinsing out the shampoo, he repeated the process with conditioner, making sure your hair was soft and clean.

Once he was finished, Sukuna took a large towel and helped you out of the tub, wrapping you in its warmth. He carried you back to the bedroom, your body limp with exhaustion. Gently setting you down, he rummaged through his drawers and found one of his sweatshirts and a pair of shorts for you to wear.

Turning his back to give you privacy, he handed you the clothes. "Here, put these on," he said. "I'll wait until you're dressed."

You managed a small smile despite your fatigue. "Thank you," you murmured, slipping into the oversized clothes. The sweatshirt hung loosely on you, and the shorts were a bit baggy, but they were comfortable.

"I'm done," you called softly.

Sukuna turned around and his heart melted at the sight of you in his clothes. You looked so small and cute, and there was something incredibly endearing about seeing you wrapped up in his things. "It looks comfy," he said with a gentle smile.

As both of you sat quietly on the bed, Sukuna watched you drink the water he had given you. You kept your gaze lowered, your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You seemed to be struggling with something, and after a few moments, you finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry for causing such a mess," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t mean to be a burden."

Sukuna's heart ached at your words. How could you ever think you were a burden to him? He looked at you, shocked and saddened by the weight of your feelings.

You continued, your eyes fixed on the floor. "It's been rough these past few weeks. I've tried moving on, tried to forget you, but it's been so…hard." You sighed, “I just wish…I wouldn’t have been a bet.”

He listened intently, his heart breaking with each word. He could see the pain etched in your features, the hurt you were carrying. Without thinking, he reached out and took your hand, his touch gentle but firm. You looked around the room, avoiding his gaze, too embarrassed to face him.

Sukuna squeezed your hand affectionately. "Look at me," he said softly. When you didn't respond, he repeated, his voice almost begging, "Please, look at me."

Finally, you lifted your head, your eyes brimming with tears. Sukuna felt a lump in his throat as he saw the raw emotion in your gaze. "You are not a burden to me," he said firmly, his voice filled with conviction. “And you were never just a bet to me.”

You tried to look away, but Sukuna gently cupped your chin, turning your face back to his. "Please, listen to me," he continued, his voice trembling with emotion. "I'm so sorry for making you feel this way. I'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to, but I did, and for that, I'm truly sorry.”

You started to cry, the tears spilling down your cheeks. Sukuna's heart shattered at the sight, and he pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you as you wept. "I love you," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I love you so much. And I will spend every day proving that to you."

You clung to him, your body shaking with sobs. Sukuna held you tighter, his own tears mingling with yours. "You don't have to forgive me now, or tomorrow, or even the next day," he said softly. "Just please, give me a second chance. Let me show you how much you mean to me."

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with a mix of pain and hope. "I want to believe you," you whispered. "I want to believe in us." You sighed, “But how can I? If I was just… a bet.”

Sukuna wiped away your tears with his thumb, his touch gentle and loving. "We can start over," he said softly. "We can take it one day at a time. I will do everything I can to make things right, to earn your trust again."

You looked at him, your eyes filled with pain and tears. "I can't, Sukuna," you whispered, voice breaking. "Not right now… I can’t do it. I need some time…”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He watched as you stood up, tears streaming down your face. You began to gather your clothes and your purse, movements shaky and uncertain.

"No, please," Sukuna choked out, grabbing your arm as his own tears began to fall. He pulled you into a tight hug, both of them sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

You clung to him for a moment, hearts breaking together. You kissed him one last time, a desperate, tear-soaked kiss that spoke of everything you felt but couldn’t say.

Finally, you pulled away, eyes red and puffy. You walked to the door, steps heavy with sorrow. Sukuna felt his heart shatter as you closed the door behind you, leaving him alone in the room, unable to stand himself.

He sank to the floor, his body wracked with sobs. The silence of the room was deafening, echoing the emptiness he felt inside. He had lost you, and the weight of his mistakes crushed him, leaving him feeling broken and alone.

The next few days were hard for Sukuna. Not being able to see you, speak to you... it was breaking him. Every corner of his apartment reminded him of you, and the silence was unbearable. He found himself spending most of the summer at home, clinging to the few remnants of your presence.

The books you had accidentally left behind became his solace. He read them over and over, trying to understand the stories you loved, hoping to feel closer to you. Each page he turned felt like a connection to you, a thread that kept him from completely falling apart.

He didn't text you or call you anymore. He didn't want to seem annoying or desperate, even though his heart ached with every passing minute. The only thing that kept him going was the hope that maybe, just maybe, he could make things right when classes restarted.

As the days turned into weeks, the start of the new semester loomed closer. Sukuna's resolve grew stronger. He was determined to do anything in his power to take you back, to show you how much you meant to him and how deeply he regretted his mistakes.

He spent hours planning, thinking about what he could do to make you see how sincere he was. He practiced what he would say, how he would apologize, and how he would make it clear that he was willing to change for you. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was ready to fight for you.

One evening, as the sun set and the sky turned shades of orange and pink, Sukuna sat on his balcony, a book in his lap. He glanced at his phone, tempted to send you a message, but he held back. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, whispering into the cool evening air, "I won't give up on us."

Classes started, and Sukuna found himself on campus early, anticipation and anxiety gnawing at him. He knew you would be there early too, probably heading to the library like you always did. Determined to see you, he made his way across the campus, his heart pounding with every step.

As he approached the library, he spotted you. But, you were walking with someone—Nanami. Sukuna stopped in his tracks, his heart sinking. He knew Nanami from when they used to be paired for homework assignments. Nanami was from the science club, always serious and diligent.

Sukuna's heart started beating faster, a mix of fear and jealousy gripping him. He watched from a distance, seeing the way you spoke to Nanami, the way your eyes brightened with enthusiasm. He knew that look; you were talking about something you loved.

He clenched his fists, feeling a pang of jealousy that he couldn’t ignore. He wanted to be the one making your eyes light up like that, the one you shared your passions with. But now, he felt paralyzed, too scared to approach you.

Nanami said something that made you laugh, and Sukuna's chest tightened. He knew he had no right to feel this way, not after what he had done. But the sight of you with someone else, someone who might understand you better, made him feel like he was losing you all over again.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. This was his chance to talk to you, to try to make things right. But seeing you with Nanami made him doubt himself. What if you were happier with Nanami? What if you had already moved on?

Sukuna stood there, torn between his fear and his longing. He watched as you walked into the library together, voices fading as you opened the door. He felt a knot in his stomach, unsure of what to do next.

So, he let his fear consume him.

He turned around and walked away, trying not to look back. His heart was heavy, and he felt a sense of defeat. You probably didn’t see him, right?, he thought, as he made his way out of the library.

What he didn't realize was that you had indeed seen him. You had noticed him standing there, the familiar figure of Sukuna who was always so confident, now looking hesitant and vulnerable. Your eyes followed his retreating form, a mix of emotions swirling inside you.

You glanced down at the watch on your wrist, noting the time. Sukuna was never this early. He liked to take his time, often arriving late, making an entrance with his usual swagger. But today, he had come early. For you. The realization hit you with a pang of bittersweet emotion.

As he walked away, you couldn't help but keep looking, your gaze fixed on his back. There was a part of you that wanted to call out to him, to tell him to stop and come back. But the hurt and confusion held you back, leaving you standing there, torn between your feelings.

Nanami, who had been observing your lost gaze, gently placed a hand on your shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

You snapped out of your trance, blinking as you turned to face him. "Yeah," you said softly, your voice unconvincing. "I'm just... I don't know."

Nanami nodded, understanding your unspoken turmoil. "It's okay to feel confused. It's a lot to process."

You sighed, looking back towards the door where Sukuna had disappeared. "He came early," you murmured, more to yourself than to Nanami. "He never comes early."

Nanami followed your gaze, his expression thoughtful. "Maybe he's trying to show you that he's changed," he suggested gently.

You looked at Nanami, your eyes filled with uncertainty. "I don't know if I can believe that. Not yet."

Nanami gave you a reassuring smile. "Take your time. You'll figure it out. Just know that you don't have to rush into anything."

You nodded, appreciating his support. "Thanks, Nanami."

As you returned to the conversation, your thoughts kept drifting back to Sukuna. The way he had looked at you, the determination in his eyes, the fact that he had come early just to see you. It all weighed heavily on your mind.

[kremlin]

"This event ends the moment you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker" -- Big Bill Hell

There was a time when you'd see little old ladies paying for the groceries with a hand-written personal check, holding up the line, causing an immediately-forgiven slight sense of annoyance with those behind her. Buddy. Those days are over. They've been over. What, did you think you were going to just pop a couple extra zeroes on the end of your paycheck there? Maybe scan your paycheck, open it in photoshop, make a template, print em out all nice? You think you're the first to think of that, dipshit?

It takes the law a long time to catch up with the state of the art. You're reading this on the internet, which means you never use checks. The law has caught up. Your ass will be going to prison immediately and you will see zero return.

You can't even kite checks anymore, and hell, nobody under 40 will even know what that means, due to the blazing fast, two day settlement on all ACH transactions. Let me paint you a picture.

You get paid on Friday, but it is Monday, and bills are due on Tuesday. And you're broke: $0 in the bank. Goose egg. Pop open your checkbook, go to a store, "buy" some things, write a check for the amount. The cashier takes it!

Now take those things you "bought", across town, to another store location, and return them for cold hard cash. Sweet. Bills paid. Friday rolls around, and you just make it to the bank to deposit your paycheck before it closes. After the weekend, the checks you wrote finally post, and they don't bounce! You've kited a check. You've surreptitiously taken a zero-interest loan. And we know your broke ass. The interest rate on that short-term payday loan should have been straight up usurious. We're talking 29%. That makes predatory fuckers like us horny for sex. We're so mad. Now you are going to Federal Prison. For a good minute. Fuckface.

COST: $0.10 (With banks offering free checking accounts + Bic pen)

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor sleet, if you fuck with the mail, we'll rip your nuts off" -- Ronald Mail (Inventor of Mail)

Many people have this misnomer that the most powerful people in politics are democratically elected. The president, of the United States, of America, is a stupid cartoon hotdog. All of them, I don't care. Way less clout than you'd think. Brilliantly, it is the people that the hotdog president appoints who are actually doing anything significant. The director of the CIA. The fucking chairman of the Federal Reserve. Probably the, like, most senior, uh, general of the military, and shit too. I don't know, we don't "do" army here at Bloomberg. You probably don't even know their names! I don't! These are the ones you should be seeing in your sleep.

There's another position like that. Appointed directly by the hotdog. The Postmaster General. That's a real title. He's the CEO of the mail, and buddy, what he may lack in political power relative to the director of the CEO, he makes up in raw sexual energy. Total Tom Selleck energy. Like an airline pilot. We're talking Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I'm tentpoling in my black business slacks just writing this, and all my Bloomberg newsroom bros are peering over my shoulder and also tent-poling. We're not gay though, and especially me, I'm probably the least gay, but sometimes I just lay awake for hours at night what that mustache would feel like pressed against my lips, the unbelievable and utter, total sense of security I'd feel burying my head into his hard chest.

You get it. He's your dad. And if you fuck with the mail, you've fucked with the tools in your dad's garage. And dad's been drinking. You're in for it, bucko, you are in trouble. Do you think the United States Postal Service actually makes any money? Hell no. It costs like five bucks to mail a box basically anywhere I can think of and they give you the boxes for free. You can just walk in the post office and take them. I do that, and then just throw them away, I don't know why, some kind of compulsion. Being able to move shit around like this, quickly, cheaply -- Jesus H, I've got a huge amount of money in my bank account, probably tens of trillions of dollars (due to financial knowledge gained from reading Bloomberg articles) and I could probably mail every single person ever something and still come out in the black.

No way pal. They've thought of that already. The Postmaster General is going to know every time, and he's going to grab you by the shirt collar, wearing his cool as fuck hat, and you're going to get your pants pulled down, and your bare ass spanke...I need to go use the restroom real quick.

We rely on the mail system to get important shit done. It's not something to be taken lightly, and it isn't. Trust me. This is why, like almost every other person who receives mail in this year 2023, I just fucking put a wastebasket under my mail slot. I don't even shred that shit anymore. I just burn it. Takes less time.

COST: $0.63 (Postal stamp)

"Can call all you want, but there's no one home // And you're not gonna reach my telephone // Out in the club, and I'm sipping that bubb // And you're not gonna reach my telephone" -- Lady Gaga

I read something wild that the children of today do not know what a dial tone is, because of how fucked up and stupid they are. Isn't that super fucked up?

While it's not really our style, allow me to fill you in on some ancient, arcane knowledge about the telephone. You can turn it on, and then you can punch in numbers. Any numbers. Random ones, or maybe not random ones. If the ten numbers you punch in are the same as the numbers in someone else's telephone number, their phone will ring, and then you are talking to them. This is called "Phreaking".

Here's the kicker: You can tell that jackass anything you want. "Oh, Hi, Yes, I am Reginald Sumpter calling from Avalon Consulting LLC, we are just following up on the invoice we sent you. Please remit to ###### routing ###### account."

BOOM! Your name isn't Reginald whatever and that company doesn't exist, but you just received a deposit. It's fucking beautiful. What have you done wrong? It isn't your responsibility to handle who your business' clients/etc are, it's their's. If they want to just pay you money for no real reason, well, that's kind of on them, isn't it? I haven't stuck a pistol in your face and demanded everything in the register.

Well, it's too clever. It's too slick. This is the United States of America. It's one thing to commit a felony like armed robbery, it's another thing to piss off someone in charge of the accounting division who uses a special bathroom you need a key to get into.

You can do it on the computer too, I use a PC Computer at work and send email, so you can see how it'd work there. You can make a document that is indifferentiable from a real invoice and, straight up, 1/3 of the time they will pay that shit. Lmfao.

It's called wire fraud because, uhh, duhhhh, there's wires. What do you think that thing is strung between the telephone receiver and the dialer? And computers? Give me a break. There's so many wires with those.

COST: $0.25 (Coin for payphone)

"People calculate too much and think too little." -- Charlie Munger

It is insane how dumb the common man can be when it comes to our world of expertise. I hear this same sentiment, like, ALL THE TIME:

"Durr hurr I will buy an insurance policy for my car or house or whatever so that in case something happens to it I will get money". And then that same person proceeds to drive safely or not burn their house down. Dumbest crap imaginable.

Let me break it down for you. Insurance is a two player competitive game. There is a winner and there is a loser. Go take out an expensive insurance policy on your American sports car. Buy a neck brace, a football helmet, and pack that bitch with throw pillows. Then get in the left lane of a major highway at like noonish, let it rip and then SLAM on your brakes. Hit from behind! Your fault! Congratulations. You have won insurance. How this gets past people is beyond me.

You can only do this once or twice before the insurance companies catch on. Then they don't want to fuck with you. It is also..I don't know man...something feels off about taking a car or a house, which like, some guy had to build and just destroying it, but that is only a weird emotional thing, since you're making money, more than whatever the destroyed thing is worth, so in reality you've built that house plus some extra. You've contributed.

COST: $106.00 (Average monthly car insurance payment)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SUBSCRIBE TO MY WHATEVER FOR PART TWO, COMING SOON. i'll post it later today probably. whatever time frame will juice the numbers. have a sneaky peaky

disclaimer | private policy | unsubscribe

[meiiie]

dave lizewski, i’m so into you. (pt. 2)

summary: you say something unexpected about Kick-Ass while discussing with your friends which hero you prefer the most.. Kick-Ass? Or Red Mist? little did Dave know or so you thought, you knew it was him all along..

a/n: i have an OC named Melilah who will be your best friend in this imagine, this only has fluff and comedy, there are some inappropriate jokes, and thats it i think! i also didn't proofread this so like... yeah happy reading :)

(pairing: dave lizewski x fem!reader) link to pt. 1

word count: 1.6k

now playing: boyfriend (with Social House)

♫ 'Cause I know we be so complicated But we be so smitten, it's crazy I can't have what I want, but neither can you ♫

the lyrics echoing throughout the store,

“well- for one i think Kickass is wayy cuter, i’d fuck his brains out if i got the chance.” you say out of your thoughts completely regretting saying the said statement- “Really?” Dave says out of nowhere, observing the conversation from behind your booth.

♫ But you ain't my boyfriend (Boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (Girlfriend) But you don't want me to touch nobody else (Nobody) Baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody ♫

“okay wrap it up you two.” Todd interrupts

you really didn't know what to do at that point, i mean- what else would you do?

Dave takes a seat beside you—you think to yourself, 'ah, so this is what Todd and Marty were planning…' ...not knowing your best friend was in on it too

Melilah was rambling something about Red Mist to Todd and Marty, you couldn't care less since it wasn't about Kick-Ass “what you said, did you mean it?” Dave asking you, you almost break your neck by looking at him “wait- what yes what no, huh?”

Dave tilts his head looking confused at your reply, chuckling a bit “well, maybe, i guess? i mean, who wouldn't want to…?” you say nervously, your palms and toes are practically sweating at his question

“so, uh is that why you've been avoiding me these past few days? because you find Kick-Ass more attractive than me?” smirking in attempt to tease you, but you didn't take the hint, and instead you fumble on your words by saying “no- you are very attractiv- i mean, Kick-Ass is very attractive, well- not really? i keep my options open” you sigh trying to catch your breath, but Dave doesn't look the slightest upset. instead he was just looking at you in amusement, recalling the previous days.

4 days earlier

“how come nobody has ever tried to be a superhero?” Dave asks Todd and Marty sitting at the same booth spot, “boy.. i dunno! probably because it's fucking impossible, dipshit!” Marty says while Todd just laughs “what? putting a mask and helping people, how's that impossible?” Dave says trying to defend his question

“that's not superhero, though. how's that super? super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. that's just hero” Todd explains

“no, it's not even hero. it's just fucking psycho.”

Dave Lizewski knew at that moment that his goal was to become the first real life superhero. as soon as Dave opened his parcel for his Kick-Ass 'superhero suit', he goes to find his first mission as a superhero, which was to fight bad guys right? haaah.... that actually didn't turn out so well- *PUNCH*

“AHHHHH” Dave screams after making 4 guys faint that were trying to beat up a guy in front of the convenience store, “what the fuck just happened.” he says assessing the situation he was just in. he looks around his surroundings and realize the amount of people recording the fight “holy shit, I DID IT!” he shouts at the top of his lungs, he just felt so unstoppab- “AHHHHHHHH” Dave screams, again but IN TERROR. he was just about to fall off a ledge, barely hanging on. who knew saving a cat would be this hard? "FUCK YOU MR. BITEY!" *THUD*

Dave hits the ground, HARD. “aggghh.. FUCK.” he checks whether his back was okay-then if his phone was fine or not. looking at his screen & it was ALMOST 7PM. “shit, it's almost past my curfew! i cannot STAND pretending to be like i'm some sort of superhero anymore.” he stomps on the ground walking fast into a dark alleyway, he notices there was someone standing beside the lamp pole but who cares. all he could think of was giving up, what kind of superhero would be able to beat up 4 guys but can't even save a CAT? he removes his mask out of frustration, partially still angry at Mr. Bitey, but then a faint gasp is heard—his eyes darting towards the pole. it was you. sounds of quick footsteps tip-tap-tip-tap quickly fading away. "WAIT!-" Dave shouts, “i- oh god..”

it was the next day in school, he already saw how the videos from the convenience store was spreading in the news, but most importantly was what did you think? "hey y/n-" you quickly pass by him in the halls, his heart stung at the sight of you trying to ignore him. during classes, he would be staring at you- like, FULL BLOWN staring at you with such sadness in his eyes. what he felt for you was different, he didn't know what it was. before you both became friends, he would always notice the little details about you during class.

you were always fidgeting with your pencil, or doodling on your notebook, the way you squint your eyes at the white board when you couldn't see what the teacher wrote, he found you so endearing. after being paired up to work on a major project for one of your classes, it was like he won the entire universe. so now seeing you ignore him made it feel like his life just crumbled apart

"are you sure this is going to work? i don't think y/n is going to fall for this, you always come to the hangouts its going to be obvious that we're lying…"

"dude, you should just talk to her and ask her whats up? what'd you even do to make her avoid you man??"

"stop it- it's, privat-"

"oh my god. they probably kissed and she ran away because Dave was a shitty kisser ohhhhh GOD. i can envision it! why did you have to do that????"

"first of all, we did not kiss. AND I AM A GOOD KISSER! i just need Melilah to convince y/n to hang out with you guys in Comic Atomics but tell her that i'm not coming, then i'll hide behind the booth then just ask her what she thinks about Kick-Ass-"

"why does it have to be specifically Kick-Ass though..?" the three of them look at Dave expecting an answer, Dave really wanted to know what you thought about him- well, about his alter ego, Kick-Ass, but you couldn't just tell your friends that was the reason

"guys... just do this... for me... as a friend.. I swear i'll pay you guys back- ANYTHING."

"anything?"

"anything."

Dave slowly watches the conversation unfold in front of him, “guys what do you think of Kickass?” Melilah asks subtly looking at Dave behind you to wonder if she's following the plan right. Todd and Marty then expressed who they liked more, which was Red Mist which lowkey made Dave sad but once he heard your reply his eyes saw stars, the whole world, the universe, his whole life was lifted- “well- for one i think Kickass is wayy cuter, i’d fuck his brains out if i got the chance.” you say, your words were ECHOING IN HIS BRAIN.... 'she... thinks... i'm cute...wait...SHE'DFUCKME?'

"Really?" he says, trying to keep his cool when in reality he was screaming internally.

during the whole hangout you could feel Dave's stares at you, grinning like he was the luckiest man alive yet you both weren't even together "jeez man stop glaring at her, you're going to make her run away again!" Melilah pointed out keeping the rest of the time there light, and your worries were all gone.

it was almost 5pm when you all said your goodbyes, "can I walk you home?" Dave asked, hoping for you to say yes "yeah, i'd like that." the walk home was silent but the silence was, comforting. "you know about it, don't you?" you pretend to look confused at his question "oh don't pretend now.." he said, you both started giggling

"well what do i know Mr. Lizewski?"

"maybe the fact that you saw me falling from a height in attempt to save a cat, perhaps?"

"oh that was you?" you jokingly say, he stopped walking in his tracks- baffled

"PFFT i was just kidding- come here" you both walk towards your house, walking at the same footstep rate. still laughing, reminiscing what happened. "for what its worth, i think it was cool that you tried saving... what's the name? Mr. Bitey? that was very brave of you" you chuckled. you both finally arrived at your front yard "well, why thank you y/n. i think it was very brave of you as well to follow the green stranger"

your laughs died down while you both looked into each other's eyes, he's admiring your features and you're admiring his. it was silent for a few seconds until he asked, "why'd you runaway? why'd you avoid me?" you didn't know what to say, while avoiding his eyes you say "i was scared, i was contemplating my.." you sigh while he looks at you with hopeful eyes. "i discovered that i like yo-" he cuts you off, feeling the warmth of his lips while he hugs your waist. you both begin to laugh again, his hands still around your waist. "i liked you ever since-" he says until you both hear your name being shouted from your house

"Y/N I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW YOU WERE ALWAYS WITH THAT PRETTY BOY!!!"

"MOM I SWEAR ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS!!!" you peck his cheek, you whisper a quick 'i’msointoyo- imeantalktoyoutomorrowbye' winking back at him while running back into your house "moooommm let me explain wait-"

Dave turns around, starstruck, walks away feeling fulfilled. he didn't need to become a superhero, you were already one to him

a/n: ok i kinda cringed typing the last part but i ran out of ideas 🫠 thanks for reading!

[redtsundere-writes]

Ride or Die | Sukuna Ryomen

big brother!sukuna ryomen x f!reader Sypnosis: Your troublemaker bestie, Yuuji, gets into a fight, so you had to call his big brother, Sukuna, to rescue both. Contents: Yuuji and you are 18. Sukuna is 19. High school/Modern AU. Friends to lovers. “Who did this to you?” vibes. SMUT. MDNI. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Warnings: Depictions of violence and animal abuse. Word Count: Author's Note: Thanks for helping me pick which fic to write first on my last poll! I hope you guys like it! :3

Sukuna likes you. Yeah, yeah… His ego is so up his ass that he can’t confess his feelings towards you, we all know that. I mean, you are gorgeous, smart, and kind, how could Sukuna not fall in love with you? There’s a problem, though. A pink-haired, stubborn and over-friendly problem. You were Yuuji’s best friend. His little brother’s best friend.

Sukuna knew that Itadori had a big crush on you because you two were inseparable. If he fell for you when you first met, Itadori definitely fell harder. Sukuna knew it by the way his lil bro smiled, giggled and focused on you every time you hang around. Sukuna could be a player, but he wasn’t Mr. Steal-Your-Girl.

One day, Sukuna was taking a nap after work. He was well off until he heard his phone ringing. He picked it and the sleepiness went away once he saw your name lighting on the screen. This was unusual. You sometimes text each other, but the conversation always revolves in Yuuji’s location or well-being. You never called him because you knew how snarky he can be, so you always decided to text him. Naturally, he picked up quickly.

“Yuuji is getting his ass beat! Please, come!” You begged through the phone. That was enough for Sukuna to jump out of the couch and pick his car keys.

Yuuji was always in some kind of trouble. He wasn’t a bad boy, he was more of an avenger. He didn’t want to understand that bad guys just exist in our society without consequences. Yuuji always felt the need to do something about it. He was damn good at fighting, so he used that to give out justice. He usually never needs help kicking ass, but this time it was different.

Yuuji and you were hanging out in a park after classes as usual. Yuuji saw a group of evil guys kicking around a starving dog, so he had to do something about it. The pink fury rushed to punch every single one of them. The thing that Yuuji didn’t count on was that he was out numbered. It was a 5 vs. 1 fight, obviously he couldn’t take them all. You called Sukuna when you saw your friend struggling.

Sukuna drove to the location you sent him, and he saw red once he saw the scene. Yuuji and you were being kicked on the ground by the five guys. You were covering your head with your arms in fetal mode. Don’t worry, the poor dog escaped once he could. You tried to stop them a couple of times, but you were thrown back to the ground. Sukuna didn’t hesitate to jump in and starting knocking out high schoolers.

Sukuna spit on the pile of dipshits once he finished the job. “I hate dealing with kids” he groaned, even thought he is just a year older. Sukuna kneel by your side to help you stand up. You were covered in dirt, bruises, and shame. He kept asking you if everything move correctly as you stood up, holding you by under your elbows. Sukuna was still shaking in anger but tried to stay calm.

“What the fuck you were thinking?! You can’t just start fights for damn dogs like that!” Sukuna screamed at Yuuji once all of you got in the car.

“But they were kicking the poor doggy!” Yuuji screamed back. You were just staying still on the backseat.

“I don’t give a shit about the reason! Y/n’s safety is your priority every time you hang out! Fight whoever you want alone, but when she is around, no fighting! Do you hear me, little shit?” He asked, furious. Yuuji looked briefly at how hurt you ended up. He hates to admit it, but his big bro was right. He save a dog but put you in risk instead. Yuuji nodded in understanding and Sukuna started the engine.

Sukuna drove you to their house. After getting his bruises treated, Yuuji went straight to his room to sleep off the pain. You were left alone with Sukuna. This wasn’t the first time. When Sukuna was still a senior in high school, you used to hang out with both siblings often. Sometimes you ate at McDonald’s with both, other times you would just study with Yuuji alone, and a few times you would walk home with Sukuna.

Sukuna tapped the top of the kitchen counter so he could treat your bruises. You obeyed and let him do his thing. He asked you how you were doing in your senior year, and you asked him how he was doing at his job as a guard at a local club. It was a while since you two talked alone.

Maybe you were used to hanging out alone, but you weren’t used to feeling each other so close. Sukuna was in awe while rubbing your smooth and tender skin with the ointment. He never thought of feeling you in this way. It was a bummer that the first time touching you so tenderly was in a situation like this.

“Do you like Yuuji?” he asked boldly while rubbing ointment in your arm. You blushed upon the sudden question.

“Why would you ask that?” you asked, confused.

“I always wondered if you and Yuuji were just friends, you know, since you are always together” Sukuna asked without making eye contact with you. Not because he was focused on treating you, but because he was too afraid of your answer. You felt so good under his touch, he didn’t want to hear that your heart belong to his little brother.

“We are always together because he needs backup sometimes. We are just ride or die, like you and I” Sukuna paused for a second and looked up at you after hearing that statement.

“We are?” He smirked.

“Duh. I’m always there when you need me, and you are there for me” You explained. Sukuna grabbed some more ointment and rubbed a bruise on your thigh. He used the opportunity to knead your whole thigh with his big hand.

“For anything I need?” He asked in a seductive purr. Sukuna grabbed both of your thighs and slowly started to split them. You blushed after deducing what he wanted from you.

“Anything” You declared before taking a leap of faith. You took his face in your hands and kissed him. He felt like he was melting under your touch. He was a living fire, and you were the only one who could extinguish it.

We know Sukuna was crazy for you, but he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn't the only one, though. You were crazier for him. Yeah, you like to hang out with Yuuji, but you loved being alone with Sukuna. He was a player and a bad boy during high school, but you noticed he was nice only with you. He would buy you drinks out of nowhere, walk you home when Yuuji couldn’t and recommend you bands you might like. For the longest time, you thought that he only did those things because you were Yuuji’s best friend.

Now, that Sukuna was sticking his tongue inside your mouth while rubbing your pussy over your panties, you knew how liked you back. Maybe not for a serious relationship, but you didn’t give a damn right now. He made you feel so good, like no one has ever before.

Sukuna was drifting into madness every time your knee brushed past his pumping bulge. His dick just wanted to rip his pants so he could be felt by you. Sukuna pulled you closer by your thighs while devouring your lips desperately. You pushed yourself closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck and pushed your breast on his chest.

Sukuna pulled your underwear to the side to finger you good. You let out a moan but stopped once you remembered that Yuuji was on his room, and you were openly getting finger fucked in the kitchen by his older brother. Sukuna noticed that, and he challenged himself to make you moan his name out loud. You bit your lower lip to restrain yourself, but his long fingers reaching your deep end made it really difficult to do so.

“Fuck, you are so damn wet” he whispered on your ear while rubbing your wet clit in circles. You tried to close your thighs, but Sukuna made sure to keep them open for them.

“Sukuna, I want you in so bad” you moaned as low as you could. Sukuna didn’t need another queue to pull his cock out. It was big, a throbbing. Sukuna dreamed about this moment since Yuuji presented you. He couldn’t stop looking at your beautiful face, your plump thighs and adorable breasts.

He carefully put your panties to the side and stuck his dick inside of you. You both moan in a whisper once he slowly pushed all the way in. He started thrusting slowly to make sure to not hurt you more with all those bruises. He was moving slow but still passionate, making sure you could feel every inch of his thick cock.

Your toes curled every time Sukuna thrust in you. He felt better than you thought. You hide your face in the crook of his neck and bite his shoulder to stay quiet. “You are so fucking tight, bestie” he groaned under his breath.

His thrusts speed up once Sukuna made sure he wasn’t hurting you. He pulled your legs up so he could dig deeper in your insides. You covered your face with your arm and just take it like a big girl. “Oh Sukuna I can’t take it any longer” you whispered.

“I am about to cum too, baby” Sukuna grunted before orgasm at the same time. His thick milk swayed in your insides. You smacked his chest as a scold. “Sukuna, what the fuck!” you muffle.

“I’m sorry, it’s not my fault you felt so good” he smirked. After cleaning you and himself up, he drove to the closest pharmacy to buy Plan B.

Order your own fanfic! (Starting price: $5 USD)

Masterlist.

[dogbunni]

shut up. saiki k tumblrverse

0 notes

🍤shrimptextures reblogged

😊justnormalguythings Follow

#I LOOKED IT UP AND 69% IS THE AVERAGE SCORE IM SO MAD

2 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

🗿nenjoriki Follow

ii. Jsshj; nsjsks)hæj

💟yuri2k

go off king!!!

#nendo did u fall asleep scrolling tumblr again #<- last time he did that he reblogged the same post 27 times in a row <3 #one time he fell asleep scrolling tiktok and posted a clip of him snoring lmfaoooooooo #real life #not aesthetic #sorry y2k babes i'll reblog some cunty lil jpegs rn #i just have to clown on my irls i kno u all understand💅

12 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

😻chiyobangs Follow

rah rah fax machine

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

aha i didnt know u were freakay like that 🫦

💟yuri2k

SHE MEANS LIKE THE HAIRCUT. BANGS!!!!!! LIKE THE HAIR ON UR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIPSHIT!!!!!!! KILLS U WITH MY EYES 💣💣💣

#stop being a pervert challenge: impossible #also omg chiyopipi!! i didn't know u had a blog #hiiiiiiiiiii 💗💘✨🍰🌸💐💖🥰🌷🌺🍒🍡👛🩷🍧🧋🔮🦄🌟🪷💗💫⭐ #dont listen to him he was cursed w no rizz

6 notes

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r reblogged

😻chiyobangs Follow

rah rah fax machine

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

aha i didnt know u were freakay like that 🫦

#girl i'll fax on ur machine til u rah

6 notes

😐tanaka489

what the fuck is human pet guy

1 note

🍤shrimptextures

fukc it.i ccant stop thinking abt that one blog. normalguy. do u think he jnows abt human pet guy

#maybei am hsving a bental makebown

0 notes

💸thericherelonmusk reblogged fivefingerdiscount

🗿nenjoriki Follow

chair -> 💺

50,021 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

🎤urinarytractinjection Follow

toumatome -> urinarytractinjection

Fear not friends, for I have only changed my URL. I remain the same [FULL LEGAL NAME REDACTED FOR INTERNET PRIVACY AND SAFETY REASONS, AS ALL TUMBLR USERS SHOULD DO, IN CASE OF DOXXING, PHISHING, BLACKMAILING, CYBERBULLYING, STALKING, ETC. CRIMES IN WHICH YOUR INDENTITY COULD BE DISCOVERED AND USED AGAINST YOU] that you have all known and come to love. For reasons undisclosed I will not be taking suggestions or criticism re. my new URL at this time. As always my ask box remains open (anon is always on, anonymous yappers- I desire you carnally) I will begin answering some of the backlog shortly ÒvÓ

Read more

💟yuri2k

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS URL

#SAY SIKE RN

24 notes

😊justnormalguythings Follow because you follow #normcore

#normalcore #normal #oranges #normcore #justnormalguythings

80 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

‼️⚠️HELP⚠️‼️

do3s 4ny1 kno a GOOD 4rtist who tak3s oc commissionz??? i w4nt 4rt of my orv oc plzzzzzzzzz

💟yuri2k

i think @merartist is taking comms!!

#get that bag girl!! #not aesthetic #real life

2 notes

💸thericherelonmusk reblogged underagegunshot

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

my oc cld probz take yjh in a 1v1

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

what if i killed you dead

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

L copypasta

🐉dragons-locator Follow

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

dragons

DRAGONS LOCATED

#once again thinking about how much money I could make if I had Father copyright this copypasta #follow for more unethical capital gains pro tips #also I don't go here but ORV fandom seems uncouth and rabid #when I buy tumblr I'm banning these two specifically

37 notes

💟yuri2k

🎀dump him moodboard🎀

for anon <3

#omg an actual y2k post who is she!! #this ones for the girlies #kiss me instead #<- who said that #y2k #y2k aesthetic #y2kcore #y2k moodboard

170 notes

🍤shrimptextures

I AM NOT HAVING A FUCKING BREAKDOWN

0 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

🌸perfectprettyplease

.

💟yuri2k

dm me babe 💕

#real life #not aesthetic

3,209 notes

🌸perfectprettyplease

.

#oomf is having a breakdown about a random blog?? #idk it's just a normal blog #they make relatable captions with stock images #worried about oomf :( #what do i do? #how do i reach out without sounding rude </3 #i just think someone should check on them #pppposts

3,209 notes

🍤shrimptextures

ORANGES?????????????? FUCKING ORANGES?????

0 notes

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r reblogged

😊justnormalguythings Follow

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

SAIKI??????!?!??

7 notes

🗿nenjoriki Follow

Hi

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

Hi

💟yuri2k

hi!!!

🎤urinarytractinjection Follow

Hello fellow tumblr user and real life acquaintance :3

🍎merartist Follow

Hi

🌸perfectprettyplease

Hi!

😻chiyobangs Follow

Hi

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

hi

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

Hi

💸thericherelonmusk

Hi

💰fivefingerdiscount Follow

Hi

😐tanaka489

Hi

Hi

[bangchxnnie]

how long will this last? (pt. 2)

pairing: felix and fem!reader

tropes: friends to enemies to lovers, idiots in love, brother’s best friend if you squint? , college!au?

content warnings: 3rd person writing, alcohol is mentioned, reader is nicknamed barbie, felix is stupid, cursing, orange cats, shitty writing, bin being bin, massive miscommunication, what can barely be considered angst, some suggestive elements (but as always, read at your own risk buddy!)

chapter word count: ≈4.7k

|| hlwtl masterlist || part 1 || part 3 ||

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

“Did you eat my fucking pasta leftovers?” She groans, searching through the fridge. 

“You were asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up and ask what is off limits and what isn’t.” 

“You’re such a prick.” She slams the fridge shut and fights a full-on pout. 

My pasta…

“What bit your ass?” 

It takes a while to explain everything to her brother fully. With how busy his job has been, he’s barely popped in over the last few months. She’s be lying if she said it wasn’t good to see him, though. Scare or not. 

She keeps stopping to fight the residual anger, sadness, or the weird mix of both that comes whenever she says Felix’s name. To Chris’s credit, he does his best to sit and just listen. Until she gets to the part about Felix saying she’s not worth it. He laughs at that. 

“What’s so funny?”

“God, he’s so transparent.”

She looks at him in confusion. 

“Continue. Please.” 

BP, the little traitor, sits in Chris’s lap the whole time, purring contentedly at the constant affection.

Can’t trust none of these hoes. 

When she finishes, he sits in silence for a moment. 

“So it sounds like he’s jealous, dude.” He says simply. 

B immediately shakes her head in protest and waves him off for good measure. 

“No, he’s just a dick.” 

“That may be true too, and I do want to kick his ass, but he’s clearly and obviously jealous of you and Binnie.” 

“You’re clinically insane. There’s nothing to be jealous of!” Her irritation could not be more obvious. Folded arms, jaw tensed, eyes skyward. “He’s just an ass, and there’s nothing more to it.” 

“Are you really that oblivious? I mean, c’mon, I know I’m the brains of the family, but-“ She smacks him upside the head. “Ow! Don’t damage the goods!” 

“Then stop saying dumb shit!” Chris glares at her. 

“I’m not. Anyone with eyes and half a brain cell can see he’s into you. Like, well into you. And has been. It’s quite gross, actually.” Her heart rate picks up at his words. She doesn’t actually believe him, but it gives her butterflies all the same. 

She covers by raising an eyebrow at him. He takes it as a sign to continue. “Look, I’m not gonna tell you what to do. But think about it. He threw a fit that day because he came home and saw you flirting with Bin.”

“I wasn’t flirting with him! That’s gross. Bin was just being himself. He’s always like that. Felix knows this.”

“Doesn’t mean he likes it. Maybe he just snapped.” 

She doesn’t buy it. They’re grown-ass people.

If Felix really was that upset, why wouldn’t he just say something? He’s always been able to tell me when he’s bothered.

If it were that simple, why didn’t you tell Felix how you felt, either? 

…Even my brain is a traitorous traitor. Why are we defending him?

“Okay, fine. What about that day he lied about his laptop?” 

“Maybe he genuinely forgot he had it. Or maybe, that loud ass sound you heard was him at the door.” 

B doesn’t say anything. 

“You said he was in the hallway, right? Maybe he had come home, saw Bin and you doing…whatever the fuck you were doing, and left.” 

Surely she would have noticed if Felix had come in, right? She’s normally so observant. Or at least, she thought she was. It’s a lot of information to process. 

“I mean, really? What the hell were you doing?”

“Irrelevant. What do I do about it?” B reaches for her cat, still seated in Chris’s lap. BP hisses at her. 

Fucker.

“Talk to him, dude. Jesus Christ, I thought you were smarter than this.” Chris just sighs. 

“Thanks, dipshit. And how exactly do you expect me to do that when he ignores me at every turn?” 

“I can’t give you all the answers. Damn. You’ve got to do some of the work yourself. Now,” He gently sets BP down and stands to stretch. “I’d really like to get some sleep. Is the spare room clean?” 

B thinks she’s probably going to kill him before this week is over.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

“What about that one? He’s so cute!” Felix points to a nearby cage, cooing at the cat on the other side. 

“His sign literally says, ‘I Don’t Like People.’” B counters, shaking her head. 

Felix just smiles that goofy smile at her that she loves. “Which means you already have something in common!” 

Her mouth drops in semi-shock at his comment, and she half-heartedly nudges his arm. “I like you well enough!” The same arm wraps around him and she continues walking. “How about this one?” She points to a couple of cages over; a little paw sticking out between the tiny metal poles of the door. 

“I dunno…she seems a little small. So dainty. She’s got to be able to hold her own in your house.” Felix plays with her as much as he can through the barrier, even going so far as to make baby talk to her. B giggles, just watching him for a bit. He’s so gentle with everything; no wonder the littles flock to him at family events. “Whad’ya think, Beautiful? Do you wanna come home with us? Just say the word, and we’ll take you home, yeah?”

Us. The way that one word makes B feel is more than dangerous. Floaty, warm, and fuzzy. After all, there is no us. Just her and Felix. As friends. Until the end of time. 

How miserable.

Felix jolts back when the cat swipes at him, catching his knuckle. “Ow! Fuck!” B blinks back to reality.

“Serves you right for calling her dainty.” 

Felix throws his free arm up in defeat. “Fair enough.”

 He steps into B’s space silently, suddenly laser-focused on reaching the top of her head. He gently moves a stray hair back into place, following it down to tuck it behind her ears. “Sorry, Gorgeous, it was standing up weird.” It’s all he offers in explanation. 

Not that she minds. But between the pet name and the touch, she’s sure her face is outing her in more ways than one. 

You’ve got to get it under control, girl! Get. A. Grip. 

Felix clears his throat, steps back, and offers his arm to her. “Shall we?” 

They interact with a few more cats, and every time Felix talks to the cats, it tugs at B’s heartstrings. She can’t help but watch the way his freckles crinkle when he smiles or how his eyes light up when any of the cats interact with him back. “How are you today, sweetheart?” or “Are you having a good day?” or B’s personal favorite, complete with baby voice-“I might have to just steal you for myself. Yeah, I think I do.” 

Eventually, they come across one that seems thoroughly uninterested in Felix. Felix tries to play with him, but he doesn’t budge. “Well, fine. Be like that then.” He pouts like a petulant toddler. 

“I think he’s just tired.” 

“Is he? He seems pretty indifferent toward me.” 

“Let me try.”

“Be my guest, gorgeous.”

B tries to coax him out from the corner of his enclosure. He slowly sits his head up and just stares at her. At least it’s more of a reaction than what he gave the man.

The cat approaches the cage leisurely like he has all the time in the world. Which, one supposes, he does. B drops her arm from Felix’s to get closer to the semi-curious cat, who lets Barbie pet him and seems content with just that. 

“I think he likes me? Maybe?” She searches the cage for his information card. 

Name: Bobby Pin 

Felix laughs. It compels another smile from B, much like anything else he does. “Bobby Pin? How do they come up with these names?” 

“I mean, my friend in grade school had a cat named Crayon. She tried to eat one as a kitten right after they got her. So there it was.” 

The way he listens so intently when she speaks makes her feel like anything she has to say is important. That she is important, it’s a feeling she cherishes more than he knows. 

Felix tries to reach for the cat again, seemingly feeling like he’s missing out. When the cat grumbles but lets him, both humans laugh. B decides that he’s the one.

She goes searching for a shelter employee. 

“Excuse me, we’d like to fill out an application for this one?” 

The memory pulses a pang in her chest that feels so wrong. It doesn’t seem right that just a few months ago, they were fine, and now, he’s saying shit like, “You’re not worth it”. It doesn’t make sense. Her conversation with Chris and the memory keeps her up until her eyelids can’t hold their own weight anymore. 

She manages an entire 36 hours almost completely people-free. She gets out of bed three times the first day. Once to use the bathroom, once to grab an obscene amount of snacks and dash back to bed, and a third time to grab the remote that fell underneath her bed. Other than that, she’s either sleeping, eating, or watching episodes of a show she’s seen a million times. It usually leads to another nap, honestly. The other days it's even less. Maybe twice, if that. Chris checks on her once a day to ensure she’s alive, asks if she wants him to stay (she says no), tells her to call if she needs him, and leaves. She doesn’t call, though. In fact, she turns her phone completely off to avoid everyone else. 

The fourth morning, however, another unwelcome visitor breaks into the apartment. He also has a key, but that’s beside the point. 

“B, are you home?” She’s already awake but would rather be sleeping off what feels like the beginning of a massive headache. Maybe it’s from all the crying. Maybe someone snuck in the middle of the night and poured alcohol down her throat. Maybe it’s from the yelling. She can’t be sure. The possibilities are endless, really. But what she is sure of is the fact that she doesn’t want to deal with Changbin. Not today.

Die. I want to crawl into a hole and make it my home like I’m some kind of mole. I could be a mole man. Mole-woman? Mole-person. 

She snaps her eyes shut and listens for his footsteps. She’s trying to gauge how far away he is since he says nothing else. She is unsuccessful.

“Well, you look awful.” 

Fuck.

“Go away.” She pulls the covers over her head and turns away from the door. 

“No, we’re not doing this sulking thing. C’mon.” He grabs BP from the foot of the bed and sets him on the floor. BP is unhappy about it, grumbling annoyed cat noises while he stretches and searches for a new sleep spot. 

“Oh, hush. You love me.” Bin argues with himself, it seems, because BP ignores him. 

He gently tugs at Barbie’s comforter. He’s trying to give her a chance to let it go. And when she doesn’t, he just snatches it from her hands and tosses it to the end of the bed. He sits on the edge and waits for her to sit up. She doesn’t. 

“Um, hello?! I have no pants on!” B protests, though she makes no effort to hide anything. Her sleep shirt is long enough that it covers everything anyway. 

“Oh, no! Legs! What’s a man to do?!” Bin faux gasps, clutching his hand to his chest. 

He deadpans seconds later. “C’mon, Barbie.” 

“If you say, let’s go party, I will kick you in the stomach.” 

Bin blinks at her. “Just get up!” 

“I don’t want to!” She thrashes around in protest, tears already threatening to expose themselves. “I’m in pain, I’m humiliated, I’ve been invaded, I’m-“ 

“Invaded?” Bin tilts his head, amused. 

She props herself up on her elbows. “Chris is here.” And just as quickly, drops herself back flat on the bed.

Bin mouths a silent oh. 

“Well, he can come too.” Changbin pats her leg and stands. 

“Where are we allegedly going?” Once again up on her elbows, B eyes him carefully. 

“The beach. Obviously.” 

An eyebrow raises. “In autumn?”

“Nobody said we were swimming. Now get up, and take a shower. You smell like sadness.” 

He finds his way to her tall dresser across the room and starts rummaging through it for appropriate clothing. 

She sighs in defeat, dragging herself up to a sitting position. A hefty yawn escapes her lips, and it dawns on her she has no idea what time of day it is.

“Wait, what time is it?” B searches for her phone, but it’s not in its usual spot on her nightstand. “And where’s my phone?” 

“7:30.” 

“AM?!” 

Bin waves her off as if it’s unimportant information. 

“You do realize this is an executable offense.” 

He turns his head to look at her, evil smile spread across his face. “Kill me and I’ll haunt you until your last breath.” 

It’s probably true. 

He tosses some clothes at her and points to the bathroom, exiting the bedroom in the same stride. “Shower. I’m gonna go wake your brother up.” 

“Best of luck, soldier.” 

She takes a deep breath, determined to face whatever the day throws her way. She quickly grabs the clothes thrown at her and heads to the bathroom. As she steps inside, a feeling of dread overcomes her. 

Why do I feel like this day is going to be a shitshow?

She closes her eyes and prays for the best. 

The shower is surprisingly refreshing. Once she finally convinced herself to get in, it’s hard to get out. A full wash can be quite draining most days, but the effort came with a little more ease once the warm stream also warmed the room. She leaves a little less dread-filled and a little more hungry.

After she gets dressed and styles herself to her liking, she heads to the spare room to see how successful Bin is at getting Chris up. He’s usually hard to rise since he doesn’t sleep much, either. 

She finds her brother and her friend..giggling. On the bed. Bin lightly punches Chris’s arm, and Chris falls into a full fit of laughter. 

She smiles, happy to see some of her favorite people so happy. “What’s so funny?” 

Their laughs settle, and Chris waves her off. “It’s nothing.” 

Bin agrees, lingering laughter escaping. “Don’t worry about it, Barbie.” 

She frowns, but doesn’t press. The uneasy feeling in her is growing, but doesn’t have the energy to have it out with them about it.

“Oh. Well, are we going to leave soon?” Her entire demeanor shifts.  

“Soon, we’re just waiting for one more arrival.” No one has time to address B's body language because as if on cue, the door shakes violently. The doorknob attempts to turn, but, of course, it’s locked. The door shakes again, and B sighs. 

“Why would you leave a brainless squirrel outside by himself?” 

Bin shrugs.

“I heard that!” It’s slightly muffled, but the hurt is still there. 

B unlocks the door and steps back, allowing Jisung to clamber inside. He almost crashes into Barbie with how aggressively he runs in. He’s breathing heavy, dramatically sets his hands on his knees to ‘catch his breath’. When he stands, he narrows his eyes at his friend.

“The door wouldn’t open.” 

B laughs. “Because it's locked, dumbass.” 

“How was I supposed to know that?”

“When it didn’t open?” She ruffles his hair. He swats her hand away and attempts to fix it, muttering something under his breath. 

Han Jisung is…a special friend. He can be incredibly intelligent, and very insightful, but it’s blanketed by a lack of common sense sometimes. Most times. He likes to say he’s too smart for his own good. There’s a sliver of truth to the statement. 

“Can we go now?” 

The beach itself is relatively uneventful. Bin packed a picnic kit and some chairs for the group to just sit and talk for a while. He even packed a book for B for when she’s burnt out socially. It’s a kind gesture, but B opts to just sit and listen to the waves, conversation as her background noise. Jisung chooses to sit with her in silence. Eventually, she lays her head on his shoulder. It’s the happiest she’s been all week. 

Nobody says anything to her until they start getting back to the car.

“You know, it’s okay to talk about it.” Chris says, pulling his seatbelt across his lap in the driver’s seat. “How you feel about it.” 

B shakes her head. “I don’t know how I feel.” 

“That’s fine too.” It’s the last he says on the subject. 

The rest of the boys pile in after closing the back of the car, resuming whatever new conversation they’d started on the walk back. B doesn’t really take in much of it. Until she heard something about her brother’s birthday.

“Oh, yeah! Have you finished everything for Saturday, Chris?” 

“Yeah, about that…” He cringes, like the words are paining him.

“What did you do.” 

“ThevenuecanceledandwehavenowhereelsetohostitsoIwashopingyouwouldletususetheapartment.” The words blur together, but she manages to get the gist. And she’s not happy about it.

“And how long have you known this, Christopher?” She stares him down through the rear view mirror. 

“Just since yesterday! I swear! I was just as mad as you are but I know that you love me and you’ll do me this major solid and I’ll owe you big time.” He flashes her his biggest smile, hoping it’ll seal the deal. The car is quiet, save for the radio, while she contemplates her answer. 

“…Yeah, you’ll owe me big time.” 

The whole car lets out a sigh of relief. “You’re the best!” Chris sing-songs. B flips him the bird, smile fighting at the corners of her lips. 

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Turns out, Chris has much more of his party planning shit together than anyone realises. The transition from venue to house party is relatively smooth over the next few days.. Hiding away the valuables and ultra breakables (nobody plans to get that wasted, but who knows), deep cleaning every room in the house, locking doors to off-limit rooms, the works. 

“Do you really not trust your friends that much?” Barbie questions. She’s washing up the rest of the dishes before she has zero energy left. 

“It’s not his friends he’s worried about, Barbie.” Seungmin joins in, spread comfortably across her couch.

“Oh, right. The New Year’s incident.” Jisung had gotten so drunk he’d gone up to every single person at the party and challenged them to an arm wrestle, and if they lost, he got to kiss them. He almost left with a broken arm. 

“We agreed we won't talk about that anymore.” Jisung gripes anytime somebody mentions it. 

“You agreed. With yourself.” B counters. 

Jisung, Changbin, and Chris all make weird eye contact with one another. It sets off that uneasy feeling in B’s stomach again. It’s so frustrating to feel out of the loop. Again. 

“What is this, some sort of weird intimate mindmeld? What aren’t you guys telling me?” 

They make eye contact again, and Bin clears his throat. 

“Um, Felix is, uh, coming to the party.” 

Her stomach drops at his name. Whether that’s from anger or something else is unknown. She hides her feelings behind a neutral face. 

“Oh. Well, I knew that. He and Chris have been friends for ages.” 

Nobody’s buying it. 

“Are you sure?” He speaks slowly; he’s scared to spook her. 

“Yes. Just because he can’t be civil doesn’t mean I can’t. Kill ‘em with kindness, yeah?” She shrugs and walks off to her room as casually as she can manage. 

She locks her door behind her and can feel a panic attack rising with every breath. She uses her grounding techniques to fight it off before it consumes her. 

Okay, I have exactly…16 hours to get my shit together. Oh shit. Chris was right. I just need to get through the night, and then I can sit his ass down and sort this shit out. His being into me is the only logical explanation for all his bullshit. It has to be. Yeah, I’m gonna talk to him when this is all over. 

She eventually hears a knocking sound in the back of her mind. It takes a few seconds to register that it is, in fact, a real knocking sound. 

“Hey, y’okay? We can tell him no if that’s what you want. Believe me, I have no issue doing that with how stupid he’s been acting lately.” 

She tries to laugh, but it comes out choked. It’s more air than sound. Some stray tears get eaten, which is weird because she didn’t even realize she was crying. She wipes her face and gets off the bed to unlock the door. 

She’s met on the other side of the door with Chris leaning on the doorframe, a sympathetic look adorning his face. 

“It’s okay, really. One night won’t kill me.” 

“I’d be a shit brother to let him around after all this.” 

“Good thing it’s not your call, then! It’s mine, and I say I want to move forward.” 

Chris nods. He knows when it’s the final straw for her, and she’s nearing it. He doesn’t bring it up again. She’s grateful for it. 

One more day and I’ll get my answers. 

….

….

She jolts awake, a scream echoing through her brain. Was it real? Was it in her head? 

She takes a moment to process her surroundings. The clock says 2:26 am. It’s dark. It’s cold. She realises 3 things:

She had a nightmare.

Felix is not here. She doesn’t know where he is. Thankfully? Unfortunately? Why do I wanna know where he is?

The scream was real, as noted by Chris and Changbin rushing to her room to see what had happened. My bad, bro. 

It takes a cup of tea, half a movie, and an extra body (Changbin) in her room to get her back to sleep. It’s in moments like this that she deeply appreciates the friends she has and the way they support her. 

When she wakes in normal operating hours, Changbin is still asleep in her bed. Granted, he’s somehow wrapped up in two blankets, and one of his legs is hanging off the bed, but he’s still there. She reaches across and attempts to unravel him because it must be hot like that, but all he does is grumble something that sounds like, “Get off my head,” and rolls toward the middle of the bed.

Can't say I didn’t try. 

B leaves him to his fate and gets herself ready for the day. 

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

“Hi! Thank you for coming!” B greets guests happily, hugging and smiling as each person steps over the threshold of her apartment. She gestures to the nearest bedroom, offers them a place to drop their bag and coat, and tells them to enjoy themselves. It’s the same formula for nearly every person. 

While doing rounds, she spots a familiar face by the back door. 

“Look at you, all dressed up!” She wolf whistles at him, and Seungmin’s face reddens, but he brushes her off. Truthfully, it's just a button-up and pants, but he looks good anyway.

“I was told dress nice or die, so.” He does his best to keep a neutral face, but it’s obvious he’s in good spirits. 

“Well, you look very nice. Very handsome.” B teases, pinching at his cheek. She loves to mess with him like an older sister, and as much as he complains, B has a feeling he doesn’t mind one bit. To save face, however, he ducks away and wanders off to find his friend Jeongin. 

Chris is mingling happily as cohost, beer in hand, as he hugs or high-fives his friends who made it out here. Communicating the last-minute change was the hardest part, but they made it work. It's nice to see him relaxed. It doesn’t go unnoticed how he works himself into the ground at that studio of his. Hopefully, this week has been a nice break from that. 

A hand on her back makes her jump,and she gets immediately defensive. Have spins around, ready to say something about personal space, but it’s just Changbin. “My bad, my bad! I didn’t mean to scare you!” He looks…nice. Fitted polo shirt that shows off his arms (shocker) and neutral pants. It’s a good look when you add in the watch on his wrist. 

“Just wanted to tell you that you look cute, Barbie!” He continues, gesturing to the dress B picked for the evening. Black and simple. Hair and makeup to match. 

Elegant. Classy. Easy, breezy, beautiful, covergirl. 

She smiles. “It has pockets!” She dips her hands into the pockets and twirls the dress to show it off. 

“I’m thrilled for you and your pockets. Do you want a drink?” She takes him up on his offer, and he sets off on his mission. 

In the meantime, she checks up on supplies. Everything seems to be good. Something catches her attention back toward the entry, and B’s heart drops to her ass. 

In walks Felix. And he looks divine. Black turtleneck, black pants, he even dyed his hair. She swears time has stopped.

Holy shit. Just, holy shit.

She agreed with everyone earlier against greeting him for fear of a cold shoulder. She knows herself, and she won’t let it slide if he decides to show out today, and today is not the day for that. Tomorrow, definitely, but not today. Instead, she just watches him walk in and barely notices the person following behind him.

Binnie returns with her drink, and they watch Felix timidly approach Chris. They share a mildly awkward embrace. Another person is standing beside Felix, a woman who looks just as, if not more, uncomfortable by the situation. They can’t hear what’s being said, but they see Chris give Felix a weird look before turning his attention to the woman. Chris greets her politely, gestures to the kitchen, and makes eye contact with Bin across. 

It genuinely looks like he’s trying to say something telepathically, and Bin almost looks like he understands. 

Men. How fucking weird. 

Just like it’s weird that Bin steps behind her, semi-casually wrapping an arm around her waist. “Don't do anything crazy.” Is all he says. She’s so busy getting ready to question how much he’s had to drink and what the fuck he means that she doesn’t notice when Felix approaches. Felix clears his throat and stops an awkward distance away. 

She acknowledges him by meeting his eye but doesn’t break Bin’s hold. 

“Felix.” Bin doesn’t hide his ire. Apparently, things haven’t been as smooth as he’s been telling Barbie it has been. She makes a mental note to bring it up later. 

“Long time no see, huh?” He attempts a laugh, but it falls flat.

B scoffs. “And whose fault is that?”

Bin squeezes her waist, a warning. She ‘accidentally’ steps on his foot in response.

“How are you?” He looks straight at B. He almost sounds…genuine. She contemplates giving him a real answer. Changbin answers before she can say anything-“We’re fine.” 

Felix goes silent. The moment stretches, long and very awkward. It’s becoming more and more uncomfortable with each blink, and B prepares to just walk away before Bin decides to speak up. 

“Who’s your friend?” He gestures to the woman pretending to look around the room. Felix reaches for her hand, and she smiles, interlocking their fingers. She’s pretty. Like, really pretty. Between the two of them, B’s not exactly sure who she should be looking at. 

“This is my girlfriend, Aila.”

Changbin’s grip on ‘his’ girl tightens. 

I think I’m gonna throw up.

[agentjazzy]

The Evil Dead Dashboard Simulator

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

YES I got my girlfriend a pretty pretty necklace from a gumball machine and when she sees it she's going to give me so so many kisses :)

(411 Notes)

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

man, fuck tourists, I was heading to my spot when a car came up and honked at us, all friendly like, so me and buddy waved bc there wasn't anyone else there, but then they YELLED at us???? we were just walking?? wtf did we even DO

#i hope the bridge collapses i hope they all DIE #vent

(4,079 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

unethical life pro tip: if you overhear your professor talking about their family cabin that they have, and they have open office hours posted, it's your RIGHT to go check that shit out

they're not gonna be there!! they have papers to grade and other shit to deal with!!! free cabin!!!

🌋 thehillsalsohaveanniceass 📛 Follow

op what are you going to do when you roll up and they're just sitting there

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

lmao his ass is NOT going to be in that cabin 😂 he just got back from a vacation with his family or something (dipshit couldn't wait until break) he's supposed to be at his office and he does NOT have the vacation days to be leaving so soon

(151 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

fml my older brother asked if I wanted to tag along on a trip to a cabin and I said sure bc it beats staying at home w/ dad

BUT IT'S A COUPLE TRIP

HE'S BRINGING HIS COWORKER/GIRLFRIEND THAT HE DOESN'T SHUT UP ABOUT, HIS FRIEND IS BRINGING HIS GIRLFRIEND, WHYYYY DID THEY INVITE ME

#if i knew i would've said no 😭 #he didn't even invite his Actual best friend #which SUCKS bc then we could've fooled around when no one was paying attention #huh who said that 😳 #cheryl posting

(4 Notes)

📜 anthroapologist 🦀 Follow

haters will hear you scurrying underneath the bowels of your home and freak out like HELLO where else am I supposed to scurry????

(1,288 Notes)

🔮 shessellingseashells Follow

you ever feel like people Immediately forget your name upon meeting you :(

#i might be too high but i don't think any of these people know my full name #i mean I'm Definitely high #and tried moonshine for the first time #but like. really feeling like an outsider rn

(0 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

it's so hard being the only chad amongst nerds, like, I GET IT, you're too much of a pussy to investigate the creepy fucking cellar, the LEAST you can do is let me listen to the tapes I found down there, they're cool as fuck

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

okay and now they're all yelling at me bc a stupid tree broke a window right when the tape got good 😑

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

fuck it, here's a recording of the tape, I hope none of you guys are cowards like all my friends apparently are, have fun bc I can't

(206,089 Notes)

💀 theevilacrosstheland Follow

when someone plays your song you can feel that shit in your SOUL catch me coming towards you at 15mph awoken from my eternal slumber if I hear that first note fr

(6,282 Notes)

🔍 peachycraftsection Follow

my boyfriend spent $14 in quarters attempting to get a magnifying glass necklace from one of those gumball machine toy capsules at work bc he knows I LOVE mysteries and detective stories and I need to [redacted] him in the [redacted] right NOW 💖💖💖

(432 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

everyone's making out rn which is REAL inconvenient bc there is Absolutely Something Outside

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

should I check it out

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

there's no one online to tell me no so.....

📝 charcoalfingertips Follow

op you haven't posted in an hour are you okay???

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

I'm Irrevocably Changed Now 👍

(104 Notes)

🌹 deadite420 Follow

I'm just a silly goofy guy if I happened to have killed and maimed and bite and stab that's just who I am and how I show love ^_^

(5,724 Notes)

🔮 deadite68 Follow

coyotes are SO right, if youre trapped somewhere or someone grabs ya, just bite your limb off, no hesitation, show superiority, it's not like THEY'RE gonna do it

(2,051 Notes)

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

whhy is there so muchh blood everywhere........

#help #i accidentally kept my mouthh open and blood got in it :((((( #my head hurts sso bad bookcases kept falling on me

(5 Notes)

🔩 deadite883 Follow

heehee i love crawling through pipes and electrical outlets

(207 Notes)

🎶 8tracksarebetterthancassettes Follow

I logged onto Tumblr and wtf why am I following so many people with deadite in their username? is it a reference? did I miss a meme? are we mishapocolypse-ing again?

🌿 dirtissoyummy Follow

I think it might be a virus transmitted by bots but idk I'm too scared to interact

🤡 thespareshemp Follow

okay I investigated to see if it was a bot swarm or people having fun SO

for the first cluster of blogs, all their IPs are logging from the same location, which usually means a lazy bot swarm BUT I went through all their archives and most of them, before changing urls, interacted with one another naturally and stuff, @-ing one another and junk, and they seem to know each other irl

so it's just friends having fun!! and then people joining in on the fun!! feel free to reblog without fear!

#they're all still posting original content so that's kinda a giveaway #even though it's all 'deadite'fied and all #i wonder if theyre doing an arg thing

(1,004 Notes)

🔍 deadite81 Follow

when men are SOAKED with blood 👌😍🥰😘💖🥰🥰💖😍👌😘😘😘💖💖😍

(20,983 Notes)

🤡 deadite6091 Follow

JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOHN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US

🛏 honkshoomimi Follow

🤡 deadite6091 Follow

You Will Be Dead By Dawn

(5,732 Notes)

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

man, fuck tourists, I was heading to my spot when a car came up and honked at us, all friendly like, so me and buddy waved bc there wasn't anyone else there, but then they YELLED at us???? we were just walking?? wtf did we even DO

🥐 evilpillsburydoughboy Follow

hey you live near the state line right? can you check the news real quick

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

uhhhhhhhhh

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BRIDGE IS GONE

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

fml if any of you need me i'm going to lay down in the cold and let the forest take me

(4,079 Notes)

🛏 deadite7390 Follow

if you were to break me down to my pure essence you would be left with pure, unfiltered evil

also grits

mmmmmm grits

(2,561 Notes)

🎥 deadite3023 Follow

falling down the stairs is the most efficient way to go down them :)

(941 Notes)

🎲 deadite69 Follow

y'all ever open the window and AUGH OUGH UGH UGH UGH AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA THE AGONIES and then you adjust to the sunlight and you're fine

(8,091 Notes)

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP ME

(3 Notes)

[boreal-sea]

Firstly: get dunk'd, transphobe.

Secondly, nice source, dipshit:

I have to do everything, don't I?

Let's talk about this source before we even read this article, because it shows how poor your rhetorical analysis skills are - or how unwilling you are to practice those skills, or perhaps just how willing you are to ally yourself with racist, nationalist, far-right reactionaries if they also happen to be transphobic.

Wings Over Scotland is a far-right, nationalist, reactionary blog run by Scottish "video game journalist" Stuart Campbell. It is not an unbiased news website - it's some dude's personal blog, and he created it because he hated that mainstream news in Scotland wasn't spreading the far-right rhetoric he wished it would.

And this is what you used as a "source". Fucking laughable.

Now let's get into the actual blog post. I refuse to call it a "news article", because it's not. This one was written by a nobody named "Mar Vickers". At the bottom of the article, Stuart claims Mar has "extensive experience in equality law". I can't seem to find any indication Mar is some sort of lawyer or scholar; all I can find is a link to his twitter - sorry, I mean his "X":

https://twitter.com/mar2vickers

You can tell this is the same Mar based on the content of his tweets. He's also transphobic garbage, surprise surprise. He has a backup account on "gettr", because it seems like his twitter gets suspended frequently - which says a lot. Gettr is a clone of twitter that caters to right wingers who get suspended and banned on Twitter for constantly violating its hate speech policies. So. You know. Though these days, X is the safe-haven for far-right reactionaries, so honestly that's a red flag period.

As a summary: Mar doesn't understand surveys or their limits, he doesn't define what a "sex crime" is, he doesn't know what the Rorschach test is, and he's bad at math. He plays with numbers like he's some sort of population statistician, which he's not. He draws conclusions that are completely nonsense, because he's not asking the relevant questions.

Basically, he states that over the past few years, the ratio of trans women in jail for sex crimes to compared to the general population of trans woman is now higher than the ratio of cis men in jail for sex crimes compared to the general population of cis men. Ok, but why did these numbers change? He doesn't ask why. He just assumes these trends are natural and reflect the behavior of cis men and trans women, rather than the increased transphobia in England and Wales that he and his buddy Stuart have been fueling.

I absolutely don't doubt that trans women are incarcerated for "sex crimes" (which he never defines of course) at a higher rate per population than cis men. It's the same reason people of color are incarcerated more per population: bigotry. "Wow, this population of people who society hates sure gets sent to jail a lot. That's probably a reflection of their true nature, and not a reflection on society at large!"

[goodluckclove]

Some Loose Thoughts on Queer Rep (Specifically Aspec Rep)

(Just in advance I'm going to dunk on Alastor from Hazbin Hotel like a lil' bit, as a treat. Mainly the team that made him and what he represents, but still. If that's rage bait for you, I suggest maybe dipping out now)

I have a theory that queer media needs both queer characters and queer genre characters. The difference is very important.

I think a queer character would be a character in a story about their queerness. For some reason the only two characters I could think of are the guy from Love, Simon (What was his name again?) and the protagonist from Rubyfruit Jungle, which should express the weird and complicated relationship I have with this particular archetype.

Queer stories centered around queerness are definitely needed, but at the same time I feel like we're just starting to come to terms with the desperate need for the alternative, which are queer characters in genre media that contain overarching plots larger than their sexuality. Not separate, necessarily (Their queerness certainly influences things), but just beyond. This is more accessible for a variety of artists, which is also the reason why it can be a flop or a massive success.

We get more of this than ever for gay and sapphic characters, as well as some trans folks and occasionally non-binary. It's definitely way less seen in aspec characters, and even less respected. I started thinking this way because the internet is flooded with references to fucking Alastor from Hazbin Hotel as an aroace character and - like - god, I don't get it.

Like you can have your serial killer comfort character, that's fine. But latching onto him as representation for the entire aspec community when he was only confirmed to be aroace through a reference in a livestream and the weakest joke onscreen is pretty disheartening. It definitely reads like this part of his identity was added pretty late in his character development, and by a team of people that didn't seem to consider what the response and reaction would be and how they'd handle it.

I also wish the newest aspec icon in media wasn't created by a team so adamant on encouraging shipping culture above actually respecting the identity they've decided to provide representation for. Like I see it means a lot to people to have an aroace character doing something cool in a fun TV show that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their identity. Then there's like four other people right behind that person who really wants that person to be romantic and fuck.

And like, yeah, aroace people can do that sometimes. It's a spectrum, I know. But can't we start with a baseline representation before providing proof of fluidity?

I just think we deserve better. Like a character who in the media is established to be aspec, and people are like "great" and move on to fight robots or do magic or whatever. And the person can be morally grey, or even a total dick, but like I'd personally prefer something with a little more depth than Hot Topic genericism.

Like don't get me wrong, I'll take some sort of eldritch horror as my representation, but...make him at all horrifying? Like everyone talks about how he has Eldritch powers, which I know to mean unfathomable and maddening. But I've seen everything he does in the canon of the show and it is both incredibly fathomable and makes me feel normal and sane. Yog-Sothoth this man is not.

But yeah, I don't think there's a solution here besides more aspec artists creating aspec characters in their work. That way people can still like Alastor if they want, but he's not like the only viable option in terms of representation in the media. Let me see lovingly-crafted cool guys and dipshits and chaos goblins and little babies and True Horrors, all of whom have varying degrees of distaste or indifference towards sex and romance.

Do it. We need it. Please.

[whoseholtz]

today was a fairytale | alexander holtz

pairing : alexander holtz x fem!reader

warnings : one of my first fully written fics, swearing, use of y/n, switch of pov (will be written in italics!)

summary : when reader goes to a devil's game and decides to make a sign asking #10 for a puck in exchange for a lego set and he actually notices her and the day turns out to be like one in a fairytale.

word count : 1.6k

y/n pov

“Girl, it’s a stupid idea, there’s a bunch of signs around the rink why would he choose yours?” your best friend says looking at the sign you made for your favourite player.

She always knew how to ruin the mood.

You slightly adjusted the sign in your hands which read, ‘Can I trade you a Lego set for a puck, #10?’ in a goofy font. The white card had been something you picked up from the craft store on your way home from work, an impulsive decision as always.

“But but but there’s barely any with his name on it, plus who cares, it’s fun okay, and if he actually spots me it’s a bonus,” you smiled clinging onto that little bit of hope that he would see your sign.

“Yeah, I guess,” your friend shrugged as a smirk grew on her face.

“What is it?” you asked knowing that when that smirk appeared there was always a plan brewing in her head.

“Oh nothing, just the fact that you are a beautiful hot girl who likes lego oh and he’s a guy who likes girls and lego, get his number girl,” she said jokingly nudging your shoulder.

In what world would ALEXANDER HOLTZ notice you?

“Okay get out of your Wattpad-loving brain, let’s just enjoy warmups and the game,” a smirk forming on your friend's face, “but no high hopes of anything more than the game.”

The lights started dimming in the arena, the colours of the devils shining bright with the booming voices from the speakers announcing the players would be entering the ice soon.

Your friend slapping your arm, “Look how cute they look, they’re Disney princesses with pads.”

“Yes, yes, I know to calm down, we don’t wanna look like the crazy ones,” you replied, being conscious of when #10 entered the ice.

Then there he was, gliding smoothly across the ice.

He could easily be on one of the top lines but he gets treated like shit from the shitty old coaches.

Warm-ups went on like normal, the silly superstitions, and pucks across the ice in every direction.

“He’s good at skating I guess,” your friend said smartly, “he plays for the NHL dipshit, of course, he’s good at skating.”

“I know but I looked at his stats and his ice time is really low and like that means he doesn’t have any chance to get good plays,” your friend shrugged, her eyes following his every move.

All she said was true, he dealt with the game. all he cared about was that he was in the league, the best league in the world for hockey.

Being a player's biggest fan came with the depression of the issues at hand, their places on the lines, their falls and other setbacks that come with being an NHL player, and every day you wish they could be the best and biggest player in the league.

Even harder being on a team with two top first-round picks and a bunch of other players who are raved about all around the league.

“Girl snap the fuck of out, he’s looking at you, right at you holy shit,” your friend said slapping your shoulder, pointing at him skating around in circles, locking eyes with you.

“Oh my god, no way he’s looking at me,” you said, jumping up and down not knowing what to do, stay weird or keep calm and try your best to look hot.

The Lego Ferrari car shook in your hand, the other shaking against the glass trying to keep your cool as he skated towards where you were situated.

—

alex pov

Skating towards such a pretty girl was scary, but the sign caught his eye. he didn’t get many signs, trades even and Lego is his favourite thing, so why wouldn’t he be excited?

The white, red and black sign with the pretty girl holding it couldn’t pass his way, maybe he’d even get a point this game.

Going home after a win but with little ice time and no points didn’t help with his mood. he’d sit on his couch in the dim room questioning why he could never be enough for the team and the league.

He has tried so hard.

—

y/n pov

“No way he’s gonna actually want the set. no way you are getting a puck, oh my god y/n this is crazy ahhh he’s coming towards us,” she said, slapping you repeatedly in the same spot, it was starting to hurt.

“Okay just stop, calm down and look cool girl,” you said, wanting to look as normal as possible for Alexander Holtz.

Tap, tap, tap on the glass.

A red glove right in front of your face, the culprit of the tapping noise.

His adorable smiling face looking at you, signalling to get ready for the puck to be thrown over the ice.

You smiled back and nodded, pulling the sign down, holding your hands ready to catch it, not believing what was going on.

You almost wanted to keep your eyes on him even when the puck had been thrown from his hands, but you obviously couldn’t.

The puck weighing in your hand, your eyes fixated on it.

"Y/n, y/n, y/n the lego set, stop googling at the puck and hand him the bloody lego set,” your friend said, slapping you once again.

“Oh fuck yeah wait, hold the puck while I chuck this thing over the glass,” you said, questioning if all those years of skipping gym were back to bite you.

First try, failed.

Second try, failed.

Third try, failed.

Fourth time, WE GOT IT.

He grinned at you one last time before turning around and skating to the bench to place the set down.

A weird feeling flowed through your body. Almost as if you’d just lost something, a presence and a sense of comfort just poof, gone.

But that thought quickly got taken away when the stadium filled with screams of die-hard fans, with you being one of them.

Somehow you’d made it to your seat already getting ready for the game to start.

You realised your head couldn’t stop thinking about the interaction with him, the puck clinging to your hand.

“Hey hey y/n, maybe loosen your grip on the puck, your knuckles are turning white and we don’t want to leave before the game even starts,” your friend said, nudging you to get your attention.

“Oh shit sorry, it’s just he’s so ahhhh, like oh my god he’s got something in his possession that I bought, with my own money,” you grinned, immediately the wave of regret of spending that much money on a lego set, washing away.

“Well let’s just enjoy this game and hope for a win and a Holtz point,” she said, holding up her overpriced drink to yours.

“I’ll toast to that, to Holtz getting a point and maybe a devil's won.”

—

“AND THE DEVILS WIN THE GAME WITH ALEXANDER HOLTZ AS THE STAR OF THE GAME”

The shock on your face shouldn’t have been that big but when a fourth-line player gets chosen as the star of the game it is huge.

“Girl he did it for you, you are his good luck charm, you need to give him something every game,” your friend yells beside you jumping out of her seat.

“Okay, I get hockey players are superstitious but girl there’s no way, let’s just leave it,” you sighed, your life couldn’t be all butterflies and rainbows.

It was not a Wattpad story, and you couldn’t treat it like it was. He probably just threw out the Lego set, you thought you were insane thinking there was a chance he actually remembered who you were; there’s no way he did.

—

alex pov

He couldn’t stop thinking about her smile, how it was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. and he got a goal, points, the fucking star of the game.

yeah, he laughed at people saying hockey players are suppositions and yeah he was a tiny bit. he had his routines but it was never that serious, the only thing different about his game was seeing her, locking eyes with her.

The Lego set sitting on his living room table was a reminder of how her smile made him feel, all bubbly inside like he could rule the world.

“Bro stop zoning out it’s scary, you just got star of the game let’s celebrate,” Luke said as he walked past you, he had invited himself in like he did every other night. win or lose he was there.

“Sorry sorry just trying to figure out what happened today that made me play so good.”

“It was totally that girl you were spying on from the start of the game to the end,” Luke joked, “this is the Lego set she gave you right?” he questioned picking it up off the table.

“Hey, don’t touch that,” he yelled, running towards Luke.

“Shit, sorry didn’t think it was such a big deal,” he said dropping the Lego set onto the table again.

“No sorry I just can’t seem to get her out of my head, and the thought I probably will never see her again,” Alexander said slowly sitting down on the couch.

“Okay don’t think about it that way, be happy you’ve somewhat met her and that you are the star, be present,” Luke replied sitting down on the couch like it was his own home, grabbing the remote and flicking some random show on.

“Never say something like that again, it's weird hearing advice from you,” Alex replied, shocked by the words coming out of his mouth.

“HEY,” Luke yelled, slapping him in the process.

It wasn’t like Luke thought, he still felt her presence somewhat, a faint smell of grapefruit which you would only notice if you really paid attention.

He couldn’t get away from the thought of her.

He couldn’t stop wondering when he’d see her again.

a/n :: hi guyssss sorry i've been lacking motivation so this took... a while to publish and stuff so i hope u like it!! tysm for all the love on if i could tell her <33

also i might be making this a series? maybe? don't hold me to that though :}

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 408: Orphaned Cryptid to Billionaire Supervillain

Previously on BnHA: HE WAS BORN AN ARROGANT BABY.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi decides he’s going to cover the rest of the AFO/OFA saga in the span of just seven pages, the majority of which are mostly just filled with lovingly detailed closeups of AFO and Kudou’s eyes. Back in the present day, Kid For One takes a couple of seconds to trample the last of the “Kacchan is OFA II or is related to OFA II” theories into the dust, and is then all “fuck it, I’ll just take him out with one last spectacularly grotesque supermove.” Kacchan is all “lol you fucking dipshit”, and he says it with such confidence that it truly makes me believe he can defeat AFO’s “ALL THE QUIRKS EVER!!” attack with his piddly little exploding bloodsweat quirk. AND IT WILL BE A SIGHT TO SEE.

interesting!

Yoichi’s name btw is written with the kanji 与 which means “bestow” or “give”, and 一 which means “one.” so basically “one who gives”, which is fitting as the creator of OFA, but also fits in with this new context of being the first “possession” bestowed upon AFO

oh yes and also AFO I guess has just torn his brother to shreds or something too. idk. I’m going to be honest with you guys, this panel has such a surreal vibe that I just sat here blinking stupidly at it and wasn’t even shocked or anything. like what. is he dreaming this?? or did he really just make a “STOP! IN THE NAAAAME OF LOVE” gesture and in doing so remove half of his brother’s jaw

ewww

idk what’s wrong with me today guys. AFO just disintegrated Yoichi, and Kudou and and OFA Tres (who apparently still doesn’t have a name???? freaking Kudou got named before you??) are literally RIGHT THERE and presumably horrified, and all I can think about is how fucking gross it is that they’re all hanging out in a fucking sewer

oh shit y’all it’s about to go down

he can’t kill Kudou right off the bat can he? does Kudou even know he has OFA yet? are we going to see him transfer it to OFA III? I’m so fucking excited omg

LOL WHAT

“weirdly matte” omg. so apparently he’s like All Might, where the “he’s just drawn differently” thing is something people actually acknowledge in-story. “yeah he actually has no pupils. that’s a real thing. technically that should mean he can’t see since pupils are what let light into your eyes, but don’t worry about that part. just know that his eyes canonically look weird to the story people as well, and everyone is creeped out by it, not just you”

yeah he’s actually blind

so he literally can’t see outside himself. way to lay those metaphors on thick, Horikoshi

(ETA: this is my “just in case my impeccably dry wit doesn’t translate well across the internet” ETA to assure everyone I know he’s not actually blind lol.)

now we’re cutting to some random city where AFO is broodingly staring at Yoichi’s severed hand because he’s perfected the art of always doing incredibly unsettling things

I cannot believe the fucking hands thing has an actual origin story. of course it does. this man has never done a single hinged thing in his life. it’s all unhinged or bust. am I talking about AFO or Horikoshi? YOU DECIDE

he’s sitting at a table with a bottle of wine holding his dead brother’s embalmed severed limb and thinking about fucking quirk shit

so your transformation from Orphaned Cryptid to Billionaire Supervillain happened almost completely offscreen huh. I’m kinda disappointed, ngl. I could have read a few more chapters about that. maybe a spinoff miniseries

WAIT WHAT

are you serious. we finally get a panel that’s INCREDIBLY RELEVANT to pretty much ALL OF MY BNHA THEORIES, only for that same panel to contradict itself ONE SPEECH BUBBLE LATER?? so what is the truth???

omg omg omg

so many fucking questions, omg. what the hell does “through research” even mean. how did he confirm Yoichi’s quirklessness, and why did he later change his mind? how the fuck can Yoichi have a quirk factor and yet not have an actual quirk. “it was just so weak it didn’t count or something I guess” okay??? how much of this is unreliable narrator vs. the word of god? how is it we’re getting so many answers and yet all I have is more fucking questions you guys

BRUE?CE?CEE??!

bruce

Kudou is so goddamned hot. I hope you washed the hell out of that arm wound after getting it all covered in sewage you stupid sexy man

I can’t get over Three’s name. “idk if anyone noticed, but it’s kind of a subtle homage to another very famous superhero” Horikoshi your nap wasn’t long enough, please go home

also love how Bruce is talking shit about OFA being a puny loser quirk for wimps. how the fuck do they even know what’s going on, anyway? was there a tutorial???

oh you just had a feeling huh??? that it was “something like this”, huh??? how is it that I, who knows all about OFA because I’m from the future and have read 408 chapters of this nonsense, am somehow still less in the know than this handsome clown who doesn’t know shit but just “had a feeling”

(ETA: while editing this post I noted that Bruce is sitting in front of a computer in what seems to be some sort of medical lab, so maybe they ran some tests or something? except that only makes me more confused, because it implies they didn’t actually figure out OFA’s workings via convenient plot instincts. so then how the fuck did they figure out the transfer process?? questions)

meanwhile AFO is sitting in the panel next to him whining about how someone stole Yoichi’s quirk. excuse you. he did not steal it. it was in fact a gift

these flashbacks are all jumbled up and it’s unexpectedly fun to read, but also really chaotic

I guess he’s talking to Kudou on the right and AFO on the left

so many intense closeups of eyes in this chapter oh my goodness

Horikoshi even drew the individual goddamn eyelashes. this looks like the margins of someone’s notebook from when they were really bored in middle school

oh my god the information overload!!!

so much for AFO actually feeling emotions lol. or is he just lying to himself about why he cried. that delicious ambiguity

so we don’t even get a flashback explaining how the transfer actually happened?? to either Kudou OR my beloved Bruce?? goddamn you Horikoshi. omg I would seriously kill for more of this. make a movie about it. I want the OFA origin story prequel movie damn it

I like how AFO just sits there on a throne holding court with a single tiki torch beside him for aesthetic reasons

I can’t quite figure out how he killed Banjou and I’m not sure I really want to know. it looks very violent

friendly reminder that Shinomori is Sir Not Appearing In This Flashback because he’s the only OFA user who died of natural causes! good for you Shinomori. En probably wishes he was more like you

poor En

was Nana just taking a stroll or something one day and stumbled across this epic fight with the evilest man on the planet vs some kid in a trenchcoat, and then the poor kid got bisected and he looked at her and he was all “please eat my hair” and she was just like “ok”?

OH WOW

what a transition omg

LOLLLLLLLL

you know, part of me always wondered how All Might was so certain he’d killed AFO that he apparently never bothered to confirm it. but looking at this panel now, I can understand

fjjfdzjgf

he’s sweating so much. like “okay yeah he punched the top of his face off, this is pretty bad but I’LL DO MY BEST”

BACK TO THE PRESENT DAY AWW SHUCKS

so let’s recap. over on Kacchan’s side we have “GOTTA USE THE PAIN TO WIN!!!” haha ouch. and then over here on KFO’s side we have. whatever the fuck we just experienced over these past two chapters. so basically it’s a battle between the two most deranged characters in the entire series. glorious sweet chaos

DSFJKSLDKGJL he’s now trying to figure out how the fuck they look so much alike and whether they’re actually related

“no, that can’t be it. so then maybe... this kid grows up and then somehow travels back in time...?!” HE’S JUST LIKE US FR

so now he’s saying it’s because Kacchan didn’t have character development yet the last time, but now that he does his eyes are all Full Of Determination just like Kudou’s and so we’ve basically come full circle!

transcended WHAT? :O :D :D omg I’m kidding you guys please don’t hurt me

lol

actually the more we learn about Kudou the less I personally see the resemblance now lol. because Kudou seems so calm and collected, but Kacchan is just... [gestures to literally everything about Kacchan]

so AFO’s trying to strategize, but he can’t warp Kacchan away because the only available targets are too close and he’s still got that SUPERSPEED, BOYO so it wouldn’t make a difference. lol but if you kept doing it repeatedly it might be kind of funny though

and he can’t keep fighting him either because he’s getting his ass whooped and it’s speeding up his de-aging or whatever. well you could just give up then I guess. your call, AFO

oh was that your plan?

spoiler alert for me lol. but it’s not exactly shocking or anything since he’s dying, guess he wants to abandon ship

(ETA: just FYI for anyone reading this who’s not familiar with my dumbassery, I have currently only read chapters 1 through 374 at this point in time, before skipping ahead to 403 because Kacchan came back and I lost all willpower. I am working on catching up with the rest!)

oh so now you did come up with a strategy?

lmao what the FUCK

how much of this is going to be clearer to me once I finish the chapters that I missed, and how much of it is just plain old “nope this is all brand new zero-context BnHA bullshit” lol. this looks like every single quirk AFO ever absorbed combined into one gigantic horrifying blob that forced Horikoshi to take an extra week just to draw it

oh my god!?

Kacchan hovering there bravely facing all this is giving me Gandalf “you shall not pass” vibes and I’m LIVING FOR IT

so either AFO is going to kill Kacchan for the second time right here and now, or he’s going to fail and turn back into a squishy evil baby fdslfjkls

love how All Might is all “DODGE IT YOUNG BAKUGOU!” thanks for the warning, champ. doing his part

more exploding bloodsweat closeups. are these just going to be a mainstay of Kacchan fights from now on

“are you stupid?”, when faced with [gestures to the entirety of the previous page], is possibly the best line ever uttered by anyone in the series. even better than the polite “coming through” uttered only seconds before it

ah man. you love to see it. he literally doesn’t even care. HE ALREADY DIED ONCE TODAY, AND IT CLUED HIM IN TO THE FACT THAT HE’S A MAIN CHARACTER AND ACTUALLY IMMUNE TO DEATH. sorry AFO it’s curtains for you. CURTAINS

[hp-hcs]

Lipstick part two when ??😭😭😭

when i work up the courage to write and post smut, lovely 😭😭

hate myself for writing this but yk wtv i’ll enjoy hell

this is filthy in my mind but i’m also ace so- this is probably prudish to y’all ngl

•smut• What Went On in the Supply Closet (Pt. 2 of lipstick) — yandere! Draco Malfoy x gender neutral! Gryffindor! reader x yandere! Enzo Berkshire

the boyos have a fwb thing going on fyi, thank you to the anon who suggested that. you’re a real one, homie ✊😔

gender neutral reader with no anatomical descriptions! YOU’RE WELCOME

(to my taglisters! i haven’t tagged anyone in this post because of its content. if you’d like to be tagged in any future smutty shit, send me an ask or dm or a comment or smth. i don’t wanna make anyone uncomfortable, so if i do end up making a smut taglist, it’ll be an opt-in kinda thing rather than opt-out. know your limits and triggers and stay safe 🩶)

[SMUT AHEAD. MDNI.]

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Shit, darlin’,” Draco gasped, pulling back from the kiss. He was breathless, his chest heaving with exertion.

Enzo’s eyes had gone dark and his breathing had gotten heavier. He barely waited for Draco to split apart from you before he took over, kissing you hard with reckless abandon.

Draco waited impatiently, barely giving Enzo a minute to kiss you before he was dragging him off by his collar.

“Not in the hallway, dipshit. Closet, right there.”

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d ever choose to go back into a closet, Dray,” Enzo mumbled under his breath, yanking open the door to the supply closet and guiding you inside with a firm hand.

Draco tugged the pull-chain of the single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, the dim light doing fuck all to illuminate the room.

After Enzo shut and locked the door, the three of you just stood in a tense silence, staring at each other. You were all daring each other to make the first move.

“So why- why now?” You asked, breaking the moment of silence.

“What?” Enzo murmured, a hungry look in his eye as he slowly took a step forward, then another, effectively backing you up against the wall.

“Why now?” You repeat, the pitch of your voice raising minutely as your adrenaline spiked. “I mean, why not ask me to the Yule Ball or something?”

“I thought you already had a date, love?”

“Yeah, but it’s just Harry.”

Draco practically growled.

You furrowed your eyebrows at his odd reaction, confused until he rested his hand on your hip, gripping your flesh tightly—possessively.

“Oh, I get it!” You gasped out with a sly grin as his grip tightened. “You’re both jealous of Harr-”

Draco clamped one hand firmly over your mouth.

“Get his damn name out of your mouth,” he hissed threateningly, crowding into your space further.

You gulped, your cheeks heating up under his hand.

“Enzy, think we oughtta show our darlin’ how much better we are than Potter?”

Enzo nodded in agreement, wasting no time before leaning forward to smack away Draco’s hold on your hips and grab them both for himself, quickly seizing your mouth with his own.

You let out a tiny noise at the obsessive way he began to run his hands over your body; gripping your waist, your hips, your thighs. You held onto his shoulders for dear life as he stole your breath away with little regard.

You stifled a small moan. Draco must’ve joined back in at some point, because you could feel a second pair of lips sucking lazily on your neck and collarbone.

Whereas Draco seemed to prefer to go slow and casually, Enzo seemed frantic, his fingers fumbling and slipping on the buttons of your uniform shirt with how quickly he was moving.

Whereas Enzo was go, go, go! Draco took his time, savoring every second.

As if to illustrate that point exactly, Draco ghosted his fingers over your ribs, not quite making contact with your skin. At the exact same time, Enzo shoved his hand down the front of your uniform bottoms, grinding the heel of his hand against you.

You gasped into his mouth, your hands tightening on his shoulders and your fingers digging in at the two contradicting sensations.

When Enzo could feel your hips move, caught under the spell of those magical fingers of his, he smirked against your mouth, snickering at every little noise and gasp you made.

He pulled away from your mouth, ducking down to focus on a spot at the base of your throat. Draco swooped in, capturing your unoccupied mouth and smoothing a hand down the front of your chest.

Babbled pleas fell from your lips as Enzo’s movements sped up, his fingers knowing exactly where to twist and prod and massage.

“Pl- please- can I-”

“Ask Dray, sweetheart,” Enzo mumbled against your neck, a cheeky grin on his lips.

“Dray- D-Draco, ple-please!”

Draco pulled his hand away from where he’d been stroking your upper torso, pretending to think.

“I don’t know, have you really been that good?”

“Yes!”

His eyes sparkled with amusement under the weak lighting. “Say what I want to hear, doll. You know what I mean.”

You groan in frustration, ceding. “Merlin- yo-you’re b-better than Har-ry!”

“Come.”

At his permission you fall apart, your body all but going boneless as your eyes roll back in your head.

You panted for air, your eyes clamped shut, as the pair of boys drew back. Your skin was sticky with sweat, and you could feel the tacky texture of that damned lipstick everywhere.

Your eyes remained shut as you willed your legs to stop shaking. An odd noise broke you out of your reverie, and you slowly blinked, trying to make out shapes in the dimly lit closet.

You drew in a sharp breath when you saw Draco and Enzo sharing a kiss, smearing blue lipstick all over each other’s skin.

You blinked once more, trying to commit the image to memory, when you realized that the odd noise you’d heard had been a grunt from Draco, muffled by Enzo’s mouth. The latter had his hand down the former’s pants.

Draco yanked at the button of Enzo’s uniform pants, quickly diving his hand in to return the favor.

You watched through heavy-lidded eyes, your mouth hanging partially open as the two hot guys you’d just been making out with began jacking each other off.

Holy fuck. That’s hot.

~~~

Your trio eventually stumbled out of the supply closet, disheveled and stained with blue.

A familiar ghost was waiting for the three of you outside, bursting into raucous laughter as soon as he saw your rumpled clothes and lipstick-dyed necks.

“Naughty, naughty children! Naughty, naughty!”

Peeves let out another cackle, blowing a raspberry in your direction and immediately disappearing through the floor.