#no seriously there's ending cinematic spoilers

[thebearer]

love me tomorrow |carmen berzatto x reader| part three

prompt: after time apart, you and carmen meet up for the first time since the fight.

or part three and the final part of the devastation fic (spoiler- the resolution haha). part one and part two can be found here :)

contains: angst. hurt with comfort (finally lol). mentions of mean!carmen, past fighting. past trauma, family trauma. carmen's been to therapy (yay). language. mom!reader x dad!carmen. fluff at the end, i had to make it a little funny and end on a light note bc it felt so heavy lol. word count- 4.7k+

“He’s here,” Sugar announced, the chime of a doorbell following nearly cinematically. 

Your shoulders tightened, stomach twisting with an ache of nerves you tried to swallow. You were so nervous- why were you so nervous? He’d fucked up, not you. He was here to grovel and beg for forgiveness, not you. Still, you felt your hairline prick with heat, hands clammy when you heard the door opening downstairs. 

“Okay,” You tried to steady your voice, exhaling slowly out of your nose. “I’m almost done.” 

Sugar nodded, not leaving, keeping her post behind you. “You know you don’t have to do this.” Sugar looked at you through the mirror, arms folded over her chest, watching you carefully for a sign- anything that would give her a red flag, make her call this off. 

“I know,” You swallowed your buzzing nerves, jittery in the pit of your belly. 

“I’ll tell him to go away. You give me the word, and I’ll kick him out.” Sugar stood, pushing off the door frame and walking towards you. “Seriously. One wrong word, wrong look, anything, he’s gone. Say the word.” 

You gave a small smile. “I think I’ll be alright, but thank you.” You muttered, looking down at your bare ring finger. You still found yourself reaching for your ring, heart spiking in a panic when you’d see it was gone, only to sink when you remembered why- why you left it. 

“I feel like it’s time.” You admitted, trying to convince yourself more than Natalie. You were still unsure, so jarred and hurt by the last time you’d spoken to Carmen. The things he’d said, how he’d hurt you. “I think we have to figure something out.”

“You don’t have to do anything.” Sugar gave you a pointed look. “Trust me, if this was me, Pete would never live that down- never. He’d be at my mercy for the rest of his life, if I even let him back into it.” 

You knew Natalie wasn’t joking, that she would do just as she said, but that was also easy for her to say; when Pete could not fathom ever thinking those things about her, let alone saying them to her. Sometimes you wished Carmen could be softer, a little more like Pete in that way. 

“He’s been going to therapy,” Richie’s voice played in your mind. “He’s, uh, he’s doin’ good. Tryna get better for you, for both of you. He loves you, you know that, sweetheart. He’s just… He’s fucked up, y’know? We all are a little, but he’s workin’ on it.” 

You hoped that was true. For your marriage, for your baby. Sugar and Pete had been taking Teddy to see Carmen. You couldn't bring yourself to see him yet, but depriving him of Teddy felt cruel and inhumane. 

Downstairs, you could hear her gurgling, Carmen’s soft tone greeting her in hushed excitement. It soothed you, even for just a moment, it felt familiar- felt like home. What you’d missed so badly, what you longed for to have again. 

“Uncle Carm, why haven’t you been staying here too?” MJ’s tiny squeak of a voice rang up the stairs, greeting you as you quietly crept down them. 

“MJ,” Pete muttered, shaking his head gently. “C’mon, bud, you know Uncle Carm’s been on a business trip.” 

“Right, yeah.” Carmen nodded, his hand patting Teddy’s back gently, soothing her and him. Just feeling the weight of her back on his chest, it put him at ease. She was bigger now, longer than he remembered, but he tried not to think about that, nose pressing into her soft tufts of hair. 

MJ saw you first, his face falling into a pout. “Aw, does that mean you’re going home?” He whined, looking at you then back at Carmen. “Are you takin’ Anchovy and Teddy?” 

Anchovy skittered towards you, running up the stairs at the mention of his name. He’d been a trooper with MJ and Maggie, both kids enamored with the cat who was less than impressed with them. 

Carmen stiffened at the sight of you, spine rigid, heart skipping and falling in his chest. There was a pause of awkward uncertainty, neither of you sure what to say. “If you’re good,” Sugar stepped in. “Maybe your aunt and uncle will let you play with them a little longer while they go out.” She looked at you, shrugging gently at the suggestion. 

You looked at Carmen, eyes meeting him in a brief, unsure gaze, before nodding. “Yeah, that would be- that would be great, MJ.” You gave a soft smile to the boy. 

Carmen stood, passing Teddy off to Sugar with a quiet muttering of thanks. He met you in the doorway, hand reaching for yours, but stopping himself, pulling back hesitantly. Instead, he held the door open, letting you pass by him first. 

The car smelled like a mix of cleaning supply, masked with car fresheners he’d stuck in the vents. He’d been smoking, more than usual, you were sure of it. He’d gotten down to one a day after Teddy was born, paranoid that he’d give her asthma or a rash or something worse. 

“Um,” Carmen hesitated, his voice shaking in a way that he hadn’t since your first date. “I was… I was thinkin’ we could go somewhere t-to talk?” Carmen’s gaze met yours, lips pressing together, swallowing around the lump in his throat. 

You nodded, your hands clasped in your lap, both of you too rigid, too uncomfortable. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” You looked down at your nails. “We could go get coffee? Go to the one by the restaurant.” 

Carmen’s heart burned with a dull ache. The coffee shop a block from The Bear had been a staple in your relationship. When you’d first moved in together, to the shitty downtown apartment to be closer to the restaurant, Carmen would go every Sunday. Sometimes he’d pick up, other times you’d come with him, sit in the corner seat side by side in a booth- like the couples you used to roll your eyes at, lovesick. 

Someone was already sitting in that booth when you got there, so you settled for a small two seater in the back, secluded and empty. Carmen brought you your coffee without asking, he knew the order by heart now, etched into his mind permanently. 

“Thank you,” You muttered, accepting the paper cup, your eyes not meeting his, but your hands brushing. You didn’t pull away this time. 

Carmen sat across from you, a dread filled silence falling thick between the two of you. His knee bouncing under the table. “I, uh, I wanna talk first if-if that’s good with you.” Carmen’s eyes lifted under his ball cap, pulled low on his head, curls peaking out. 

You nodded, twisting the paper cup around on the table, too nervous to drink it. Carmen took a breath, trying to calm his racing mind. “Take a deep breath before you start. It’s ok to take a second to get your words in order, Carmen. Collect your thoughts.” Dr. Mullins’ words rang through his head. 

“I wanna start by saying that I’m sorry.” Carmen looked at you when he said it, eyes rounding in a pathetically sweet way. “I-I’m sorry and I…I didn’t mean anything I said. I would never- It wasn’t you.” 

You looked down at the table, the familiar heat burning in your nose and throat, a threat of tears already. “Hey,” Carmen said firmly, leaning forward. “C’mon, look at me. Please?” You look at him hesitantly, jaw clenching, trying to keep yourself from crying. 

Carmen held your gaze, his lips pressing together in a tight line to keep his own emotions in. “It wasn’t you.” His gaze was intense but soft all at once, holding yours. “It… It was all me. All of it. I-I was overwhelmed, I was stressed, I fucked up, a-and-” Carmen’s voice cracked, breaking at the end, his hand running over his face to try and calm himself. 

You felt your own eyes well with tears, chin ducking closer into yourself, leaning towards him. You wanted to reach out, to grab his hand that rested on the table, squeeze it in comfort like you always did. Instead, you looked at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“And I shouldn’t have said any of that shit because-because none of it was true.” Carmen continued, his voice strained. 

“So why’d you say it then?” You surprised yourself with the firmness in your tone, edging on a snap. 

Carmen blinked, surprised but not entirely shocked. His knee bounced faster and faster under the table. He took a second, holding his breath before exhaling, trying to keep the growing tightness in his chest to a minimum. 

“I was stressed. I was tired. I-I was overwhelmed, and… and I was an asshole.” Carmen admitted, but you still didn’t seem convinced. You knew him better than anyone, better than Dr. Mullins, better than even Fak or Richie or Sugar. 

“I… I was hurting. I was hurting an-and I was so fuckin’ angry. I don’t-I don’t even know why I was so angry.” Carmen admitted, nodding slowly, eyes flickering from your gaze to his hands nervously. “I just… I think I wanted someone to hurt like I was hurting. I just, I don’t know, I wanted someone else to feel like I was, an-and I should have- it was fuckin’ stupid, an-and selfish, and…” 

Your eyes were glassy with tears you tried to hide, blinking a tear that fell down your cheek, wiping it quickly. Carmen’s chest ached, burned with hurt at the sight of you. 

“And I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.” He looked at you sincerely. “I-I-I never said anything more untrue and fuckin’ stupid in my life.” 

“You…” You took a breath, your voice shaking with emotions. “You really hurt my feelings, Carmen.” You admitted looking at him. He nodded, jaw flexing, neck blossoming with splotches of emotion. 

“I just don’t really understand how-how you didn’t mean to say those things. I mean, clearly you-you’ve thought that before.” Your voice lifted higher and higher, climbing with a cry that threatened to break. “I know you’re saying you didn’t mean those things, and I get that, but my problem is you’ve thought them before-” 

“-No, no, I swear-” 

“-You have, Carmen. Clearly you have. You wouldn’t- You didn’t just come up with that shit out of nowhere.” Your voice was beginning to climb, trying to level it out in the cafe, keeping your composure. You took a breath, pinching the bridge of your nose, pad of your thumb swiping the corner of your eye to catch a stray tear. “Just… Just don’t lie to me.” 

Carmen pressed his hands together, trying hard to remember his breathing while his mind was racing. Sugar was right, it was uncomfortable, worse than he could have imagined. 

“You’re right,” Carmen admitted with a nod. There was no point in lying, not to you, you always knew better, knew him better. “I-I did, but not-not like that. Not,” Carmen’s breath hitched, chest tight with a wave of anxiety. 

“You know wh-when I was at the restaurant, and I… I would be ready to rip my fuckin’ hair out. Everything was just goin’ to shit, o-or we’d realize there was a critic on the books, or I’d forgot to order some shit, I’d be going fuckin’ crazy, ya know?” Carmen rambled, words spilling out in tumbles of jumbled truth.

 “I’d go to my office for a second, just to-just to take a fuckin’ breath, and… and I’d check my phone and I’d see a text from you.” His heart swelled at the memory. You’d text him updates through the day, knowing he’d seen him when he could. Baby Teddy in her crib, Anchovy in the bassinet, her outfit for the day, nap time- all the moments he missed at work because you wanted him to see. You had considered him. Carmen missed it more than words could describe the past days, checking his phone out of habit, hoping to see a little OOTD with a smiley face and a wrinkly baby Teddy attached- instead, he saw nothing. 

“I’d just… I don’t know. I was sittin’ there, just fuckin’ stressed o-or angry, and then I’d see that and I-I’d feel,” Carmen paused. Gather your thoughts, gather your thoughts. 

“I felt… I just felt weird about it?” Carmen’s brows pinched together, looking at you for help, unsure. Your face fell, his heart lurching with fear. 

“No, no, no, no. Not-Not like that. I- fuck, that’s not what- I love the pictures. Love them. I-I- They’re the only things that get me through the day, it-it’s not that-” Carmen stuttered out, head dropping into his hands in defeat. Way to go, Berzatto. 

“Felt weird?” You repeated, calm, your way of soothing him. Keeping your voice even, steady without any tones he could read into and spiral. It was second nature at this point. “Weird how?” 

“It made me feel like… like I was, I was missin’ out.” Carmen admitted, eyes shining bright and a little wide like they always did when he’d finally admit something. Wide eyed, scared, almost, like he shouldn’t have told the truth. 

“I felt like, I’m at work, an-and you were at home with Teddy, and…and I felt like I was bein’ a shitty dad. Like I was there too much, an-and I’d miss out on her, and then I’d miss you, I’d just…” Carmen threw his hands out lightly, cheeks puffing with a slow, shaky exhale. 

“I was jealous, maybe? Ma-Maybe that’s the word, but I just… I didn’t want to be there, and I know,” He lifted his voice before you could begin to speak. “I know I’m th-the boss, and-and I get that. And it’s not- it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault you’re home- I’m glad you’re home, I am, because you’re doin’ so much. You are, an-and I know that, I know. You’re-You’re doin’ the most important job in the fuckin’ world, I mean, you’re keepin’ ou-our baby alive.” 

Carmen laughed humorlessly, a scoff that turned into a sniffle, shaking his head. You sat quietly, listening to his words, taking them in with a slow nod. Carmen looked at you, trying to read you, taking in your expressions. Your shoulders less tense, tired, face neutral but he saw the way your lips twitched, holding back a cry. 

“Just sometimes when-when I’d be in the shit, I’d just want to be home.” Carmen admitted. “I’d want to be home, but… but I knew I couldn’t be. I knew I had to-to take care of things, take care of you an-and Teddy, and I don’t- fuck, I don’t mean it like a bad thing. I like doing it, I mean obviously I fuckin’ do, it’s just- it-it’s a lot sometimes and I get-” 

“-Carm,” You cut off his ramblings, reaching across the table, your hand sliding over the top of his, squeezing it gently. 

Carmen thought his lungs might have given out, his heart too, looking down at your hand in awe. Bolts of electricity shot through his body, tingling at his skin that touched yours with excitement. He’d missed this, missed your touch, missed you. It felt surreal, sitting here, feeling you, seeing you. 

“I’m sorry.” Carmen whispered, turning his hand to hold yours. Hands clammy, fingernails bitten to the quick. His fingers intertwined in yours, holding your hand so tightly your fingers tingles. He held your hand like he was scared to let go, like if he did he might never get to hold your hand again. 

“I’m sorry. It-It wasn’t fair. It..It’s not fair.” Carmen squeezed your hand, shaking his head lightly. “You didn’t… I don’t know how to say how much you mean to me.” Carmen looked at you, eyes glassy, red rimmed with tears that gathered at his water line. 

“I, uh, I-I tried to- Well, Richie’s thera- my therapist told me to, uh, to try an-and write out what I wanted to say to you. Take time and reflect and give it to you, but I, uh, I was up all night because I kept starting over.” Carmen rambled on. 

“Everything I was tryna write it just… it didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t do you justice.” Carmen looked up at you, thumb brushing over your knuckle gently. “I felt like it just wasn’t enough. They’re aren’t any words to describe you. To…To describe what you mean to me, an-and how much I love you.” 

You swallowed back a sob, looking into his eyes. An intensity you hadn’t seen since he said his vows, maybe more now. “I-I love you so much, and… and I don’t deserve you. I don’t fucking deserve you.” Carmen choked out, a sob slipping out between his confessions. 

“I-I’m a fuckin’ loser, an-and a psycho, and I-I’m a shitty dad and husband…And I-I’m fucked up, and you-you chose to love me anyways. An-And to marry me, and have a kid with me- start a family with me. And what do I do? I fuck it up, and I don’t deserve you. I never have, an-and I never will.” Carmen rambled, tears sliding down his cheeks freely, leaning towards you, shoulders stuttering with a choking of tears.

“Don’t say that.” You sniffle, shaking your head. “Don’t say that-” 

“-No, it’s true, it’s fuckin’ true-” 

“-No, it isn’t. Carmen, don’t say that.” You reach your free hand out, cupping his cheek across the table, thumb swiping over his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. You held him, feeling the heat in his cheeks, he turned into your touch, breath slowing. 

“You’re not a loser. You’re not a psycho. You’re not a bad dad, or-or a bad husband either.” You leaned forwards, closing in the gap between the two of you, the edge of the table digging into your stomach. “You made a mistake-” 

“-No, that’s-that’s- it’s worse than that. It’s so much fuckin’ worse than that. Don’t-” 

“-You made a mistake.” You said, firmer this time, cradling his cheek in your hand. 

Carmen took a breath, squeezing your hand in his, sniffing deep to keep his tears in. “I don’t… I don’t want to be like my parents.” He whispered, eyes rounding in a scared way. “I-I don’t want to fuck up you o-or Teddy or… I just don’t wanna end up like them. I wanna be different.” 

“You’re not gonna end up like them.” You shook your head softly. 

“No, I-I was actin’ just like them.” Carmen muttered. “Yellin’ at you a-and actin’ like a complete fuckin’ lunatic. Just like them, an-and I don’t wanna live like that.” 

“You won’t.” You reassured him gently, whispering across the table. He shook his head in protest. “Carm, listen to me. You’re… You’re not like them, ok?” 

You could feel Carmen start to shake, a trembling through his system that was a tell-tale sign of a panic attack. Your eyes scanned over the restaurant, filling up with the mid-afternoon rush. “Come on,” You nodded towards the door, pushing your chair back, hand still in his. “Let’s get some air.” 

Carmen didn’t argue, he wouldn’t- couldn’t even if he wanted to. Your hand in his, squeezing his gently, pulling him towards the car. Carmen pulled the keys out with shaky hands, unlocking the door. He reached for the passenger door, but you pulled the back door open instead, surprising him when you slipped in the backseat, nodding at him to follow you. You squeezed into the middle, Teddy’s car seat pressed to your back, Carmen pressed into your side, shutting the door.

“You’re not like them.” You broke the silence, turning yourself towards him. “You’re not.” 

Carmen leaned his head back against the seat, tears leaking out of his eyes. “You-You don’t have to do this, say that.” He shook his head. “I don’t deserve it.” 

“Carmen, you’re not like your parents.” You reached for his hand again. “The fact that you’re scared to be like them, scared and trying to stop it, that shows me you’re not like them.” 

Carmen’s chest stuttered, a hissing of a cry leaving his lungs. “You made a mistake.” You swallowed, your own heart aching. “But… But that doesn’t mean you’re as a whole a bad person. It just means you made a mistake, and if you learn from it and become better, then it’s ok. It’s a lesson learned.” 

Carmen nodded, eyes squeezing shut, tight like he was trying to keep everything in. “I just…I really fucking miss you.” Carmen admitted through a wobbly voice, eyes still closed. “I-I really miss you, and… and I want you to come home.” 

You shook your head, tears sliding down your cheeks. “I miss you too.” You whispered, squeezing his hand. “I missed you so much.” 

Carmen turned, arms wrapping around your body, pulling you tightly into him. His nose pressed into the top of your head, breathing in detergent that didn’t smell like what you used at home, shampoo, too. You held onto him, fingers digging into his shoulders, pushing him further and further into you until it felt like your bodies were meshing together, fusing into one. 

Whispered apologies shared through teary, wet sniffles filled the space. Carmen’s nose rubbing against yours, hesitating before he kissed you. You pulled him into you, finally soothing the aching longing that had built in your chest, your lips catching his, the two of you staying unmoving, wanting to feel the other. Clinging to each other, hands grabbing, lips parting, Carmen pressing you against the car seat, hand cradled on the back of your head. 

“I-I understand if you still don’t wanna come home.” Carmen muttered, breath hot over your cheek, nose rubbing against your skin. “But I really fuckin’ miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” You muttered, lips buzzing against his neck, tears hot and trickling onto the collar of his t-shirt. “I-I want to come home.” 

“A-Are you sure?” Carmen’s eyes lit up with hope, though he tried to hide it, the way he always did; too scared to let him get too excited, too hopeful because he always feared it would end. 

“Yeah,” You whispered, nodding gently, balling the back of his shirt between your fingers. 

“Yeah?” Carmen repeated, lips pressing together to keep his cry in, a different one this time. One of relief. For the first time in days, he felt like he could breathe, like his lungs weren’t constricting and on the brink of collapse. His mind didn’t race and cloud with delirious confusion. No, here and now, holding you, Carmen had clarity. 

The both of you stayed in the back of the car, holding the other, chest to chest until your heartbeat became the same, steady rhythm, matching the others. 

Carmen held your hand on the drive back, pressing wet kisses to your knuckles, trying to wipe his eyes of any tears. “Can’t let Pete see me cryin’ again.” He muttered. “That was a new fuckin’ low.” You had giggled softly, enough to have his heart fluttering. He’d never admit it out loud, not now, anyways, that he was thankful for Pete. How he’d taken care of you, of Teddy, of Anchovy. He’d stuck up for you, even if it was against Carmen, and that meant the world to Carmen. 

Pulling into Sugar and Pete’s house, Carmen shoved the gear shift into park, his hand still in yours, both of you sitting in each other's company for a minute longer. Just a little bit longer the two of you, before you had to face the others. 

“Oh, uh, one more thing.” Carmen’s thumb ran over your knuckles before he let go of your hand for a moment, raising up in the seat to dig into the front pocket of his jeans. 

“I, uh, I brought your rings back.” Carmen’s voice dropped, a shake in his words that matched the shake in his hands, pinching your wedding band and ring in between his fingers. 

You swallowed at the sight, Carmen holding the ring between his fingers, it took you back to years before when he’d proposed. Nearly as nervous as he was now, just as shaky, but for a different reason. 

“You don’t have to put them on or anything. I don’t- I’m not tryna make you do that, it’s your choice, obviously. I just,” Carmen took a breath, looking at you. “I thought you might want them back.” 

You paused for a moment, looking at the rings, the sting of the last time you saw them still burning and aching in your chest, but this time, it wasn’t as crushing. It was more of a dull ache, a tiredness that came with it instead of devastation. 

Reaching out, your fingertips tickled his palms, gathering the two rings in your hand. You looked at them, turning them over in your hands. “Thank you,” You mumbled, looking up at Carmen. He swallowed, giving a nod, trying to mask the hurt that you hadn’t put them back on- you didn’t miss it. 

“Do-” Your voice caught in your throat. “Will you put them back on?” You blinked at him, wide eyed, asking so sweet, Carmen thought his heart might give out entirely. 

You held the rings out towards him. “Will you put them back on for me? Please?” 

Carmen didn’t deserve you. The notion rang loud over and over in his head again, throat burning, welling up with tears. He didn’t deserve you. You were too good, too fuckin’ good for him. 

His hands trembled, holding yours and slipping the rings back onto your ring finger, back to their rightful place. Carmen twisted them, a deep breath of a sob that was threatening to break filling the space. His fingers intertwined with yours, free hand cupping your jaw, pulling you into a kiss over the console. 

Sugar looked out the window, peeking through the blinds. “What’re they doin’ out there?” Pete whispered behind her, like the two of you might hear them. “Do they look happy? Sad? You don’t think it went bad, do you? I mean, Carmen can be-” 

“-Pete,” Sugar snapped with a soft huff. “Look for yourself.” She moved, biting back a small grin. 

Pete slid in her place, pushing the blinds apart, sneakily looking out the side of them. He could see the two of you in the car, Carmen’s hands on the back of your head, holding you while you leaned across the console in a deep, passionate kiss. 

“Well, lookie there.” Pete grinned, letting the blinds fall. “I guess there was a happy ending after all.” 

Sugar rolled her eyes, lips twitching in a small smile. “He still has a lot to make up for. I hope she didn’t let him off the hook too easily.” She grumbled, crossing her arms. “But I am glad they made up. I would kill Carmen if he fucked things up with my favorite sister-in-law.” 

Pete let out a small laugh, looking out the window again. “The kids are gonna miss Teddy and Anchovy when they go back. MJ’s gonna be devastated they’re taking them.” Pete muttered, Sugar nodded. 

Pete paused for a moment, looking behind him with a soft frown. “Y’know, this is gonna sound crazy, Nat, but I’ll be kinda glad when Anchovy is gone.” Pete admitted in a hushed tone, like Anchovy might hear him. 

Sugar snorted lightly. “Yeah. Except MJ and Maggie will be begging for a cat of their own. They’ve already started and I told them-” 

“-No, I mean,” Pete turned, watching the orange cat slink around at the top of the stairs, Anchovy glaring down at Pete before disappearing to the guest room. “I don’t think that cat likes me.”

[frankcastleautism]

okay. venom 3 spoilers kinda? just me talking about my feelings n stuff.

i don’t think anyone truly expected actual monster fucking during venom. let’s b real. it was a joke because everyone knows it’s a PG-13 marvel-adjacent movie. i made an alien sex joke because i like joking about monsterfucking. i wasn’t seriously expecting that in a pg-13 movie. no one was.

also. like. people are allowed to feel disappointed by this movie. it wasn’t as good as the other two venom movies which gave us a LOT more, hence the high expectations. venom and eddie’s interactions felt rushed and hollower than they did in the previous movies. the dialogue was awkward and felt cheaply edited in. the pacing of the movie left a lot to be desired. the random cutaways to characters that didn’t really mean all that much and that stuff about the scientist with her dead brother (that kinda really didn’t matter that much in the end) made the movie kinda fall flat on it’s cinematic face. no, i wasn’t expecting groundbreaking cinema or the next godfather from a marvel adjacent movie about a spiderman villain, but i was expecting more than i was given.

also, they did talk a big game with the whole marriage motif thing (aka the literal tag line they used for the movie, the way the trailer was laid out) and it kinda didn’t go anywhere. their relationship felt more romantic (and deeper in general, if people don’t want to see them as romantic or don’t think the movies should have portrayed them in such a way) in let there be carnage, which didn’t play them up to be more romantic (in a sense), when advertising for the movie. i wouldn’t use the word “queer bating” per say, but i would use the word “disappointing lack of actual interaction between eddie n venom that have any emotion meaning / added more to their relationship like they had in the other movies.”

idk. i did enjoy the movie for what it was. it was funny and related to my #1 top interest in the world . i just wish we got MORE in a way. go read the comics. they’re so married.

[miquellaluciscaelum]

Spoilers Elden ring DLC

Thoughts about Miquella's and Ranni's destinies.

I came across a video in Tiktok about how Ranni never had a good relationship with Golden twins because of Miquella's manipulativeness and his ability to enchant people. Well, first of all, this is stupid. We don't know what kind of relationship Ranni and Miquella had, but they definitely weren't full of hatred for each other, on the contrary, there are much more hints that they had some kind of connection, maybe even worked together on their goals.

But this is half of the trouble, in the comments people, as always proved that faith in humanity is absolutely in vain. The best you could hear there was, of course, that Miquella was just manipulating people and that he was the main villain of the story, which we were told from the beginning in the description of the branch. It went on to speculate, or even claim, that Miquella was definitely manipulating everyone around him, especially Malenia and Godwyn (unbelievably how brothers and sisters who for a long time only had each other in an unfriendly and dangerous world, where being different or deviating from the general line meant being an outcast, could sincerely love and understand each other? and of course no way Godwyn could love and cherish his brothers and sisters because he had once lost his younger brothers and did not want to lose these too).

But the funniest and scariest thing for me, actually the thing that pissed me completely off and made me write this post is that people are seriously so praising Ranni. In comments of the video, where they're condemning Miquella’s actions, they’re saying how cool Ranni is. Fuck, seems like nothing in these people’s heads works? I have nothing against Ranni, she is a character with a cool story, motivation, her quest is one of the most interesting in the game, and the ending is one of the most memorable and cinematic. But it’s so hypocritical. Ranni was literally the one who brought all shit into the fan, the Shattering was caused by her, she orchestrated the murder of a member of the royal family with a terrible weapon, the influence of which spread a literally deadly plague across the land, and blessed Tarnished to do whatever it took to help her, including killing one of her brothers.

The best thing to say is that Miquella and Ranni are worth each other when it comes to "the ends justifies the means". But I don’t see the point in saying which one is better or worse, who is kinder or nobler, who has pursued what goals. For me personally, the whole point of Ranni and Miquella is how their stories ended. Because when Ranni succeeded, Miquella lost, but why? They both did some very shady shit, manipulated, killed, etc. but Ranni got what she wanted while Miquella didn’t. I personally think it’s selfishness. There’s a healthy ego and ambition in Ranni. There’s ambition in Miquella too, after all, he is empyrean but the huge difference is that Ranni has all of her ambitions focused on herself. She sacrifices herself, yes, she literally kills her own body, but that’s the sacrifice she was willing to make, just as much as she was willing to give to get rid of the influence of the Great will. Her soul, her heart, her will, her faith and her principles, they all remain the same from beginning to end, she does not sacrifice her personality, she does not change course, even when faced with difficulties or losses in her way. Because she’s doing it for herself first. Ranni does not aim to save the world or make it a better place, or to help all the poor and sick. Her motivation may be the desire of power, revenge for the fate of her mother, hatred for the Golden order - all that you want and all those reasons are deeply selfish.

Miquella doesn’t want to change the world for himself. He thinks about his sister, about his brother, about the people he’s taken under his protection. He wants to create a better world for them. And this is the point. He’s very altruistic and sacrificial. When it comes to sacrificing himself for the greater good, he does it without a hesitation, but if Ranni gives only what she is allowing to give, Miquella gives everything. And it is a mistake, his biggest mistake. He was thinking about everyone else except himself. Pushed himself too far and eventually lost himself completely. He threw away everything that had made him him, on his way to the top and there was nothing left in the end. No heart, no soul, no love, no kindness. How can you create a kind world if there’s nothing kind left in you?

That’s the key point, because he’s changing the world with his kindness and compassion because he’s capable of it. But when he dropped it, it just didn’t make any sense. I think at the end he was nothing more than an empty shell of a man who had only a phantom target on the horizon, he doesn’t remember what he was doing all this for or nobody who he left behind. He chose the path of absolute self-sabotage and this could not have been successful in any way under the circumstances. If Miquella had become a god, he would have simply become new Marika and continued the cycle. By abandoning himself, Miquella became part of this vicious circle and cruel world. His kindness and compassion were very things that made him special and gave him the power to change the world around him.

I think that’s why Saint Trina asks us to kill Miquella. Free him from the cage of divinity and grant him forgiveness. To me, it looks as if Miquella himself asked us to kill him (she is literally a being born out of his discarded parts), because somewhere deep inside, when he had not gone too far, he understood the wrongness of the way, that was chosen, he wanted forgiveness for all that was done, but he had no way back, nothing to go back to.

In the end:

Ranni, being selfish and purposeful, succeeds and breaks the vicious circle, takes away the Golden order and leaves the world that she does not care much about to recover on its own.

Miquella, being altruistic and compassionate, tries to change the world and the cruel system, but completely loses himself and his goal along the way, becomes part of a vicious cycle of senseless cruelty and dies.

Could he have succeeded? Yes, I believe that. He could have succeeded, but not as a god. At least not as someone who would have taken Marika’s place. In fact, the divinity through the Elden ring and the Divine gate are no different, Marika was on both ends and we all know what have happened to her. I believe that Miquella could have achieved so much more without being a god, without becoming a part of this vicious circle. He had already achieved more than anyone could have imagined with his tree, with the Unalloyed gold, against the Outer gods, and he was not god all this time. If he had found a way to break his curse, if he had been able to do it as he had planned through  Haligtree, history would have gone a whole different way.

To me, he was not and will not be the villain of this story. He’s just another victim, from a long list of suffered the cruelty and injustice of the Elden Ring world.

[fgmetanoia]

So let's recap briefly

(DBD spoilers below the cut)

While Edwin Payne:

Was kidnapped by a cat-god

Discovered his sexuality

Was courted by said cat-god

Then was courted by a crow

Realised his feelings for his bestfriend thanks to said courtship and a hug

Was dragged to hell

Discovered another gay who had a crush on him seriously Edwin how do you do it? Spill your secret man

Was saved from hell by said friend

Got trapped for a second in the lust circle

Was saved again by said friend ah, the cinematic metaphor

Proceeded to confess his feelings mid-run on the stairs of hell, the only place where they could probably feel each other if they were about to kiss, paralleling Orpheus and Euridyce

Charles Rowland:

was about to die alone when he met Edwin, who stayed with him through death and Charles immediately went "between Heaven and you? I choose you"

Proceeded to spend the next thirty years with Edwin, helping ghosts stuck on earth and hiding from Death

Spending every second of every day of those thirty year together

Met a medium, took her home, tried to romance her and when his best friend manifested annoyance at it proceeded to compare the two and said "maybe that's why I like her so much"

Was visibly jealous annoyed and worried about the intromissions of the cat-King and Monty

Threatened to kick the cat-King ass if he was to bother Edwin again

Insisted several times that "we're going to stay TOGETHER"

When his gay best friend confessed his feelings for him proceeded to reject him while also declaring his undying love for him and said that "there's no one else he would go to hell for"

Managed to keep them together in the end

...and you're telling me Charles is not in love?? Yeah ok.

[Edit: Forgot to mention, they are literally each other's light in the dark]

[pagerunner-j]

All right, all right. Scattered, out-of-order thoughts below. Spoilers for the first three episodes are all up in this bitch, be forewarned:

They've made some serious changes in the adaptation here, and you know what? I'm here for it. It's more economical, it's dramatic, it's cinematic, it works. We're still hitting the high points with the essential characters and plotlines, so I'm good.

Some of the expanded/new stuff I'm very, very here for: KIMA AND ALLURA AND THEIR OLD SQUADMATE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Love it, 10/10, no notes, can't wait to see how it resolves. (Also, I picked a very good week to finally start in on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Stephanie Beatriz, you remain awesome in all ways.)

J'mon! Is also awesome! just saying.

At a certain point in the plot I found myself remembering a long, long-ago convention panel where Matt made a sidelong joke about Ripley/Percy hatesex. 'Cause uh. Can't speak for Percy, but Ripley? She'd clearly go for it.

Grog and the kids! Love.

One word: Canoes.

(Bless you, Cassandra, for pretty literally pushing your brother down the stairs.)

Kiki in full, deserved rage mode: again I say I'm here for it.

Oh, Vax. Honey. So smooth with Gilmore, so very clumsy with your girl. I know you'll get there eventually, but this is making me question your choices.

So glad to see some new locations animated! It all looks great.

Also so glad they recorded Lance Reddick's performance in time. He sounds fantastic in this, unsurprisingly. The In Memoriam card sure put a lump in my throat.

At the other end of the emotional spectrum: THE RUBY OF THE SEA! Bless that song for existing.

Spice? Spice? She spice? (Hi, Matt.)

Bard's Lament setup? Bard's Lament setup.

And there's a whole lot of other stuff I could be talking about except

...

......

.........bless you, Laura, for being the champion of your romances that you are, because the Perc'ahlia of it all is everything I ever wanted

like, seriously

they REALLY WENT THERE

I am having many feelings

lots of them

(and Trinket seeing what's up and promptly getting in between them is priceless, 100/10, no notes)

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Time Marches Forward

Our story follows Aziraphale as he toils alone in Heaven to thwart the Second Coming while Crowley, back on Earth, encounters a powerful and frightened 15-year-old Adam Young in desperate need of guidance. One of the infinite possibilities for how the Good Omens story can end. With some twists, and some angst, and lots of character development.

Length: 128,201 words

AO3 Rating: Mature

Best for: Safe in Public, Slight Angst, Post S2

Triggers: Temporary Character Death (kind of)

Read it here, fic by Bellisima_writes

*Minor Spoilers* I need everyone to read this story and marvel at the fact that this is the author's first fic! I am astounded by the quality of this story. It's cinematic, clever, and creative. It constructs a world that fits seamlessly into the canon while introducing its own truly interesting concepts. If you're looking for a Season Three "what if", this is a must-read!

Our story starts immediately after the Final 15. Aziraphale arrives in Heaven and already things are suspicious. I really love that this story goes with the route of taking things mostly at face value. It's not until the Second Coming line that Aziraphale truly kicks into gear, fully understanding the threat he's under. Crowley meanwhile finds himself in Tadfield, where a 15 year old Adam Young is in desperate need of some guidance. I won't spoil the plot; it's best experienced as it unfolds. This is a long story, but the pacing and plotting are brilliant, the time will fly by so easily. I read way past the time I was supposed to stop without even realizing it!

The characterizations are all excellent here. Adam in particular is one of the best uses I've seen with him. There is a character introduced that he will parallel with beautifully. Both placed into positions they did not ask for, tasked with things they do not want, and burdened with unbearable responsibility. It was a really insightful bit of characterization, and made me look at that "new" character in a way I never have before. Adam's new relationship with Crowley was such a beautiful and heartwarming plotline. He needed Crowley in his life, to help guide him, to understand his powers, and how he fits into the world. Crowley needed him just as much.

Crowley and Aziraphale's characterizations are top notch as well. It was effortless to read this in their voices, and just be prepared for this story's 1941...ouch. Actually a lot of what Aziraphale went through here broke my heart. This story creates a phenomenon called, "The Void." It's as ominous as it sounds, and puts Aziraphale through the ringer. As much as it hurt, it was also a really interesting concept. I'm so relived that Aziraphale will be taken care of now.

Seriously, what an excellent story this was. This is a more action based plot, and every twist and turn kept me right on my toes. Safe in public, and while there's some hints of angst, it's not a heavy story. If this is what a first fic can be, I can't wait to read this author's second!

Read it here, fic by Bellisima_writes

[booktomoviebrawl]

We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

Mortal Engines:

GIVE HESTER A DEFORMING SCAR YOU COWARDS. But in all seriousness, there was a lot wrong with the adaptation. The book was very cinematic to begin with, with lots of grandeur and intrigue as Tom starts to unpack all the brainwashing he's grown up with. Then the movie turned Hester into a generic girl boss, wiped out all of Tom's character growth to make him a useless sidekick, and took out a lot of the cool world building and political intrigue. Oh, and heaven forbid Hester, who had her face run into with a sword, be in anyway disfigured. Even though Hester being "ugly" was what made me love her so much as an insecure teen girl.

Joyless. Unwilling to actually give the female lead a decent facial scar which is just embarrasing. Shoved in a chosen one narrative where there didn't need to be. Changed the entire ending from tragic to saves the day style shit. Worst of all it's a really niche property and seeing it suck ass is all that most people are ever gonna see of it but the books are So Good. CGI does slap tho

The cool, severely scarred female character is replaced by a girl with a teensy little cut on her face. The robot ethics are removed and the humor is stupid

Stormbreaker:

GOD it sucks the og book series deals with the whole fact that if a 14 y/o schoolboy became a spy he’d have TRAUMA and MISERY and HATE IT AND THE GOVERNMENT TOO but then the movie is like. la de da this is so fun tee hee i love being a spy :))) i hate it. i hate it with the power of 1000 suns why are you trying to make this shit GLAMOROUS. especially i hate the us release poster what IS that

Gonna be honest I watched this years ago so I don't remember exactly what was different but it was different enough that I didn't like it and I LOVED the book series

The absolute slap stickery of a mess that movie made of the supposedly cool spy boy and his descent into darkness due to adults who only use him for their own means , ptsd symptoms rising be damned

[embyrinitalics]

Don't get me wrong. Tears of the Kingdom is a fantastic game. I'm still having so much fun with it. It delivered on so many fronts. It has my favorite final boss in the series. And the new mechanics really do make BotW feel like a tech demo.

But.

My Big Complaint is: TotK should not have been a sequel to BotW.

(spoilers below the cut!)

I understand why they did it, and think it was inevitable. Getting to reuse the assets and maps saved so much time. And BotW was such a huge success that they couldn't not give it a sequel.

But seriously, what the heck?

TotK's storytelling basically ignored or erased everything that happened in BotW. What happened to the Sheikah tech that was literally everywhere? The Divine Beasts that had been plaguing the four regions for a century? Zelda's incorporeal battle with evil incarnate for 100 years and the inevitable trauma she and Link must have after everything that's happened to them? Nah we don't talk about that. Half the NPCs don't even know who Link is despite having plenty of canonical interactions.

And I'm like, ok, I get it, sure. We are so 100% into this new plot we don't have time to explain away the old stuff and I'll just have to deal with it. All right, sure! BotW had very cool and well crafted lore, I'm sure TotK will too! I can't wait for this airtight new story!

Except 🤨

Who are the Zonai actually? Why did they come to Hyrule and from where? Why do we only meet two of them? If Rauru and Sonia are the first of the Royal Family, is she part of the goddess' bloodline (a direct descendant of SS Zelda)? Did she die childless? If they had a child, was it distinctly half Zonai? SO MANY GANONDORF QUESTIONS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START??!?! What's the deal with the secret stones anyway? Who made them? Why do they cause draconification? Is that what happened to Dinraal, Farosh, and Naydra? The Sheikah Shrines were trials left behind by devoted monks who underwent self mummification to train the Hero, but what's the deal with the Zonai ones again? And if they're supposed to be for Link too, when did Rauru have time to build them? And like the Depths?! Make zero sense??!

I could go on and on. As much fun as this game is and as cinematic as a lot of it was, the whole thing is riddled with holes and would've been SO MUCH BETTER if they just made it its own pocket universe like they did with Termina. Trying to have it make sense in the world BotW already established is impossible, and honestly just sort of like. Disrespectfully shoves BotW's dead body off a cliff and hopes no one finds the remains.

So, yeah! Great game! Beefy cutscenes! Fantastic ending! Awesome mechanics! But really really disappointing BotW erasure.

(I also feel like it suffered from trying to follow the same open world formula? Lots of people found the Tears in the wrong order and felt like they spoiled the story for themselves. And the way you were going around doing "search for Zelda" sidequests when you knew where she was but couldn't tell anyone seemed like an oversight. And I wouldn't have minded some more traditional dungeons, like what the Fire and Lightning temples had going on, but just, like. More.)

[treasure-mimic]

Okay, I feel like I have to get these thoughts about Deadpool and Wolverine out or they're gonna drive me crazy. I saw the movie last Thursday and it's not left my mind since then and I kinda wish I could just blurt it all out in response to the dismissal of the movie but like it's so specific to me that I don't even know if it's a valid rebuttal to that kind of thing so I just. I'm just gonna say it now as its own thing and we're gonna run it. Okay? Alright.

Major spoilers for Deadpool and Wolverine, btw.

It's kind of hard to know exactly where to start on this thing that D&W does that really captivated me, so like, bear with me, this is gonna start in a weird place.

I have a mild fascination with the concept of continuation in fiction. On its face that's not so strange, most fiction, especially nowadays in an age where the goal is almost always to become an ongoing franchise, one of (not necessarily the) central goals of a fictional work is to immerse the viewer into its world to the point where they believe that it exists within context. There is the work itself, there is backstory which establishes the context of its setting and characters, and barring situations where the ending of the work is that the world ends, something of it is presumed to continue to exist after the fact whether that be the characters or the world in context of the characters. While the band of fictionalized time composing the work itself strictly "exists" in the same sense that the pipe in Treachery of Images "exists", the before and after periods don't even under such loose definitions of existence, they are pure implication under the notion that events tend to have context, a gap that the brain intuitively fills in. At least until the work has a sequel, which itself will have an implied context of before and after which itself will vary in its level of existence depending on the distance between it and the previous work and if it too has a sequel.

That's a really long and complicated laying out of a concept that I think most people intuitively get, right? It's one of (again, not necessarily the) founding motivations behind fanfiction. When a work ends with "and the adventures continue" we seek out ideas of what those adventures could be and some people will naturally be drawn to filling it out with their own ideas. If I can be allowed a quick plug here, I'm currently writing a novel that's partially about the after of a character trying to bring about the end of the world. But, like I said, I think most people intuitively get the appeal of that, what I find most interesting about this subject isn't just exploring the surrounding context of a work of fiction, that can be done with a sequel or a prequel or a spin-off.

What fascinates me most, what I'm just enamored with, is the implied continuation of existence in bad media.

How many godawful movies have ended with a "To be continued..." even til today. And how many times has the predominant criticism to that decision been, "who cares?" We, the consuming public, are uninterested in the continued investment in this world and these characters and whatever conflicts may remain. But, the work still exists, it was made and cannot be unmade, and in that is the implication that no matter how you feel about it, through implication, so too exists a continuous existence in both the directions of before and after.

A few years ago I wrote a massive crossover multiverse fanfic which had a really complicated selection process for what characters would be involved that isn't relevant to my point, but one of the flourishes at the very end was replacing the intended inclusion of Lancelot with a hypothetical version of the character from Guy Ritchie's ill-conceived and incomprehensible attempt to kickstart a King Arthur Cinematic Universe in 2017, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (seriously, this is one of my favorite bad movies of all time, it is a bizarre combination of elements from superhero movies and gangster heist films and loose, untethered understandings of English antiquity). To be clear, this character does not exist in the work itself, Lancelot never appears or is even implied to appear in the work itself, likely planned for an eventual sequel or spin-off that never occurred due to how much the movie underperformed financially. But the eventual existence of a Lancelot is nonetheless an implication by the very nature of the work's existence, regardless of how little anyone actually wanted to see it. I find that fascinating, and seemingly I'm not the only one, considering I wasn't even the first person to write fanfic of this hypothetical non-existent version of Lancelot.

Let's bring it back, shall we? The promise of the Marvel multiverse as of right now, regardless of whether you like it or not, is not (at least wholly) an exploration of the cascading effects of character choices and outcomes of natural chaos, but an exploration on the notion that every story has continuation. The turning point, in my opinion, was Spider-Verse, not the 2018 animated film, but the 2014 comic series it's loosely adapted from. That's not to say the concept had never been applied before, the run itself took inspiration from Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions and the finale episode of Spider-Man: The Animated Series, but 2014's Spider-Verse was what ultimately codified the concept of a multiverse of adaptations rather than variant outcomes. It was an exploration on if 616 Spider-Man met 1610 Spider-Man met Noir Spider-Man met 2099 Spider-Man met cartoon animal Spider-Man met animated Spider-Man met video game Spider-Man met manga Spider-Man, pre-existing works which were created by disparate creators whose only intentions were only to make standalone entertainment, recontextualized by interaction with one another and by the newfound confirmation of their continued existence. Spider-Ham didn't stop being when the run of Marvel Tails ceased, he continued to exist in the same context and continued consistency of that appearance and now he's capable of talking to a version of himself that kills people.

But Spider-Verse also showcases the other end of that concept, the continued existence of bad media, the "who cares" mentality. Quick primer if you're unaware, the original comic book Spider-Verse run was not predicated on a well-meaning Kingpin using the multiverse for personal reparation but a race of interdimensional energy vampires who feed on the souls of Spider-Man variants. This is where most of the bad media Spider-Men are sent, killed by these Inheritors, in many case in comedic fashion, with their mere existence as the source of comedy, contrasted against such dark themes.

For example, here's the Spider-Man that only exists in custom print ads for Hostess sponge cakes.

Killed unceremoniously because, nobody's favorite Spider-Man is the Hostess sponge cake ads Spider-Man, but by bringing him back decades after these ads quit running it implicitly asks the reader to understand that this Spider-Man and his context and his consistency continued even when the ads don't.

Now, this is a reason why I honestly, personally really dislike the original Spider-verse run, dark comedy is obviously the tone Dan Slott is going for, but I think the overall effect is so much more grim than I ever wanted because, like, I do care. Even if I don't like the story, I do care about this version of Spider-Man being killed while on his way to a date with MJ. I care about the implication of continuation of bad media.

To finally, finally bring it back to the ostensible subject of this post, what I find so enticing about Deadpool and Wolverine's story is that it's able to explore both sides of this concept. Within the framework of the movie, the Void is a very implicit metaphor for discontinuation, both in the sense of corporate media distribution rights but also want for continuation. Rather than the victory lap of Avengers: Endgame, rather than returning to the Captain America and Hulk of of 2012's Avengers or the Gamora and Nebula of Guardians of the Galaxy, Deadpool and Wolverine asks us to remember and revisit bad media. Tim Story's Fantastic Four, X3, the Elektra not of the Netflix adaptation, but of the delightfully edgy Daredevil and Elektra films (another of my favorite bad movies of all time). Deadpool explicitly asks, hey, can we get help from the cool character that people like, and gets told no. They aren't here. You get us.

Now, obviously this has some qualifications, because it's not all that. While Blade 3 is universally reviled, Blade is obviously the point of reference for this depiction as evident from the visual and textual callbacks, it is ultimately a Disney product, nostalgia is still a major driving force.

Still, this depiction allows the film to explore both ends of it. The Void as a metaphor for discontinuation and lack of interest, similar to the killing of pointless Spider-Men that nobody likes in Spider-Verse, their existence within the context of their stories is over and cannot be returned to. But it also implicitly asks the viewer to consider their continued existence, to process that they didn't just go from the existence we saw to the non-existence of now, that regardless of how much people cared about these products at the time, the characters do still exist and can't not exist in the context of an all-canon multiverse that Marvel has now. That all-canon is not exclusively composed of that which is still profitable and endearing to general audiences.

This paratextuality comes to a head with the credits sequence, a surprisingly loving tribute to the entire breadth of Marvel properties under Fox. Not just the ones universally liked, not even just the ones brought in for this film, not even just the ones in the band for newly forming 00s nostalgia, but films like Fant4stic and Dark Phoenix. You can't pick and choose, you must acknowledge everything. And by showing behind-the-scenes footage rather than finished film, it asks the viewer to understand these movies, these universes, this whole completed fiction with implied context, not as the product of a studio simply deciding to put something out but of the effort of hundreds, sometimes thousands of individual people. There was an attempt, failed or no, to create a story here, and inarguably, it succeeded.

That is why I've been enamored with Deadpool and Wolverine since seeing it several days ago, beyond the jokes and the homoerotic subtext and the excitement of seeing new things from the source material brought to the big screen in the last moments that they're still possible to bring back, it struck at me specifically because it shares my fascination with the continuation, the irreversible existence, of bad media.

[maboroshi-no]

Hello! Thank you very much for your translations, I appreciate them more than you think! I just read bonus story 1 of Hamefura's cinematic novel and my paranoid reaction is… What is this?! Will it be like a preview of what will happen? Maybe it's a spoiler that Katarina and Maria will end up together? but Geordo mentions that in the kingdom people of the same sex still cannot marry, or maybe it symbolizes something else since everyone empathized with the knight except Geordo, maybe everyone steps aside for him, I don't know, it's strange… I have nothing against ships, but I don't like María and Kat's ship…what do you think will happen?

Hello!

To me the extra story illustrates how everyone feels about the situation with Katarina.

Mary and Sophia adamantly agree that the knight shouldn't have stepped aside.To me it means that Mary has no intention to give up and Sophia is no afraid to keep preaching Nicol that stealing a fiancee is okay.

Maria can sympathize with the knight's thinking, but she wouldn't have stepped aside. To me, it means that she knows her status and won't ignore it to woo Katarina, but won't let it stop her if Katarina choose her.

Alan and Nicol deeply empathize with the knight, which illustrates that they won't try to steal away Katarina to be considerate of Geordo.

Keith's reaction got me puzzled. He feels sad that the knight "entrusted" the princess to the prince. I expected Keith not to empathize with the knight for giving up on his precious princess so easily, but based on his reaction, it feels like he can somewhat accept Geordo marrying Katarina and is steeling himself for the day he will have to separate from her.

Geordo's reaction feels like the most interesting to me. Of course, Geordo didn't empathize with the knight, but he didn't think he did the right thing either. Even if the prince in the play was the "suitable" one to make the princess happy, Geordo felt like the knight should have fought for his love. To me, it means that he wouldn't hold it against anyone in the gang to steal Katarina away from him as long as they seriously fought for her.

[eldritch-elrics]

i finished silent hill 3!

really excellent game. feeling a bit overwhelmed because damn are those last two areas story-dense - but i understood everything and will definitely come back to think more about it later!!

heather is.... so good. i love her arc over the course of the game. i love her determination, her fucked up sense of humor (WHY would she "threaten" douglas in the ending cutscene like that lmaoooo), the fact that she's such a fashion girlie... it's great.

also! excellent continuation of the first game's themes surrounding bodily autonomy and reproductive rights. claudia is an interesting character to add into the mix; she's got some issues of her own that make her a bit sympathetic for sure. i was also surprised how much they leaned into the christian cult angle, but it's pretty neat. i want to know more about the theology of the silent hill order...

ummm let's see what else. final boss is hell and ass if you don't have much ammo. my right trigger finger still kinda hurts from trying that thing too many times. also i have mixed feelings on the overall pacing of the game? i think a lot of the odd pacing decisions (such as the fact that the protagonist only gains a proper motivation halfway through, lmao) are deliberate - they absolutely contribute to the eerie feel - but i'm still deciding how i feel about the structure of the story overall. in some cases, such as the slog through endless transitory spaces with the subway/underpass, i think that the weirdness and lack of direction works perfectly and contributes well to the atmosphere. at other times, it just feels a bit like too much is happening at once - most of all, i would have loved to travel through more of silent hill to get to the amusement park. the timeskip there is super jarring and i really missed how much time the first two games take in outdoors silent hill

pacing is an easy criticism to make because SH2 is so superbly paced and tightly-plotted, but i don't know if i have any other complaints beyond general criticisms of the series (like it often being difficult to spot key items and such lol). i'm not sure if i'll be going insane about SH3 in the same way i was about SH2, but there is just so much to like about it. i said it before, but damn is heather a good protagonist. also, the graphics?? my god???? really beautiful. cutting edge for the ps2, really

various really good moments from today's play session:

the haunted mansion in the amusement park.... what a great vibe.

the puzzle where you have to kill the horses is seriously disturbing. god. who thought that up. very twisted. good job

pretty much every lategame cutscene between heather and douglas made me emotional

oh yeah, douglas's personal notes on heather are pretty interesting. gotta think more about that later

the scene in the confession booth... ough

the church map drawn by a kid :)

THE MEMOS FROM HARRY!!!! sooooooo good

really fun finally getting to watch the spoiler-laden opening cinematic. i like how a bunch of music in this game feels like early 2000s alt rock... clearly this is what heather listens to

FINALLY... i did a bunch of research into all the NG+ unlocks and stuff and it's SO funny how GOOFY this game can get. the konami code unlocking underwear-clad douglas? the fucking magical girl transformation? the ufo ending???? can we all agree this indicates that harry and james are married

[cassiopeialake]

ok. gonna get some thoughts about CXG out here

spoilers for 4x16 and 4x17

I said something about this in tags but I wanted to expound on it more clearly. Basically I really love the paradoxical nature of 4x16 and how it simultaneously plays into rom-com tropes while also skewering them. So. We have our three dates. The dates Rebecca goes on with Josh and Nathaniel are traditionally romantic; the key uniting factor being grand romantic gestures that show how much each guy cares for her. They’re respectively really sweet, heartwarming, check all the boxes — essentially 2 versions of the same date.

And then we have Greg, who by the grace of the narrative, gets a little extra weight to his story as he’s featured throughout the episode fretting about his big romantic gesture. The Grebecca “date”, when it ends up happening, matches them perfectly: casual, unplanned, falling into a familiar partnership dynamic. We as the audience see that and think, “Oh those dates before were just stereotypical romantic moments, but this? now THIS is real love.” But the key thing is that their date is equally as “stereotypical” as the other two. The non-date date, the casual confession of love, the slow push out lingering on their non sequitir conversation - it’s a cinematic language we’re immediately trained to notice as romantic after seeing it in dozens of movies and shows. So as a viewer you’re led to think one guy is ‘in the lead’ which the episode plays into with Love’s Not a Game, but really all 3 dates (and guys) are equally romantic and tropey - we’re just trained to believe that one kind is ‘more romantic’ than the other. (So tbh if you think any one guy is The One after this episode i think it mostly comes down to your personal opinion)

This sort of continues into 4x17, with the dream ghosts showing her 3 equally viable futures with the 3 men (in reverse order which I feel like is significant? Greg is first bc he’s fresh on our mind), but in all of them she’s sad and unfulfilled.

So, that’s the ending, right? Rebecca learns to love herself and pursue what makes her happy without the pressures of a romantic relationship weighing her down, and now, a year later, she might finally be ready for the other kind of relationship, and it could be with anyone.

(Tangent time: I Really love how they showed Rebecca’s year with songwriting. Like, they didn’t make it this incredible hidden talent she’s had all along, in fact we know she’s not a good singer and hasn’t played piano before. So I really loved how that montage showed her struggling, not just coasting through, but really challenging herself and living in the uncomfortable reality of learning a new skill - and it makes her happy. I just love how it shows how loving yourself is a skill, and it’s something that needs to be practiced.)

…except I’d argue that the show Does take a side here, since Greg is the only one whose story isn’t updated in the year since Valentine’s day, she reserves her speech for him till the end, and the show makes a point to note he’s still single. Sure, he said to Rebecca that he won’t wait for her…but honestly I think that was more of a way of showing his personal growth. Yes, Nathaniel was also not shown to have a partner but it’s significant that he made a big life change just like Josh - moving away and working at a zoo - while we don’t see any evidence of Greg doing the same. so what was he doing that whole year?? waiting??? bitch please. ok this essay is getting off the rails i’m gonna stop while i’m ahead. but yeah i think the finale strongly hints they’ll end up together and in my delulu shipper brain that’s what i’m choosing to believe

anyways CXG really said “find out what you do to make sense of the world and pursue that seriously” and i will always love it for that

[ahitfan5]

Hoo boi... The Forge was so GREAT !!!

Ooh man ! Yesterday , I went to see the Kendrick Bro's movie called the Forge and it is a sequel to their film, the War Room ( which I haven't seen before so I need to go watch that one ) and me and my parents watched that movie at Eaglewings Cinematics ( which is a Christian movie theatre that is owned by a devout Singaporean Christian , and that guy owns the company called Eaglewings and it is based on the verse from Isaiah 40:31 and it says '  they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint' ) . But yeah for the movie, i gotta say this movie does have some emotional parts to it, and those emotional parts really touched my spirit deep inside and it has made me cry my eyes out and it really inspires me and also my parents too , and really this movie is SO FREAKING GOOD ! And I give it a 100/10 :)

The actors themselves really are SO VERY WELL DONE , and they pull off the expressions and their emotions SO FREAKING FLAWLESSLY !

There are some humor moments here and there and man when you need to feel emotional , it is RIGHT THERE AND HOOOOOOOOOOOO BOI IT IS SO GOOD !!!!

Soundtrack , ABSOLUTELY SO GOOD TO LISTEN !!!

Cinematography is VERY WELL DONE AS WELL !!!

Although , one thing that I have to make a small nitpick, NOT on the movie though, it's just that the cinema theatre room was quite loud to say the least and I wished they could have turned it down , and that me and my parents were sitting at the very top of the cinema hall where the speakers were, and most of the time while I was watching it , i was having Airpods on the whole time while the movie is going on though ... Wish they could have lower down the music a little bit, but eh ... that's what it is when you watch a movie in a cinema huh? That is a small nitpick on that alone, but really despite the loud music that is blasting at the very top level of the theatre hall, I was having a blast watching this movie , and my soul and spirit were being challenged by it too.

For those who want to see my summary review for the Forge ( warning for spoilers for those who haven't seen it yet, Seriously , if you YOURSELF LOVE JESUS and what He did for you , I IMPLORE YOU TO PLEASE GO AND GIVE IT A WATCH !!! ) Here it is :)

There was this young teen boy but he is like a non-Christian and he was being a jerk , and he is looking for a job , and there was a guy who works for this fitness thing but it’s for like an overseas ministry , and the guy who works for this fitness place , he gets the young boy to come to Christ , and there have been some struggles with him and the dad, but the guy who runs the fitness place , tells him that just give it all to God . And that as the boy reads the holy bible , his life and behavior began to change , and during almost like the end , the fitness place has a lay off , but the boy told the people , we are pushing it until we can get al the orders out , and they delivered , and at the coffee place , the boy finds the girl who’s working at the coffee place and her dad who was working there , he came in to apologise to the both of them , and also at the post credit , the boy bumped into the girl , and the both of them are doing high school . All in all , 100/10 !

and here is what Google has to say of the summary of the movie itself:

A year out of high school with no plans for his future, a boy is challenged by his single mom and a successful businessman to start charting a better course for his life. Through the prayers of his mother and biblical discipleship from his new mentor, he begins discovering God's purpose for his life is so much more than he could hope for or imagine.

Seriously , I IMPLORE YOU GUYS TO PLEASE GO AND GIVE THE FORGE A WATCH !!! This really touched me in so many ways and that this movie has challenged me in ways man... This movie is SO FREAKING GOOD !!!! I'm sorry for all this gushing about The Forge, but it is really SO GOOD ! PLEASE GO AND GIVE IT A WATCH MAN !!!!

The movie pushes and challenges us christians to be the light in this dark and hopeless world that we live in right now, and to make disciples and to spread it everywhere in the world , and that prayer is EXTREMELY SO FREAKING POWERFUL , and forgiveness , respect , responsibility .

This movie IS SO, SO, SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING GOOD !!!

Seriously, PLEASE GO AND GIVE IT A WATCH !!!!

Alright , i'll stop now with me gushing over this , this is my first time doing a review on my this hatty time blog on here , and I hope you all have a blessed rest of your day and that I need to sleep right away ! So good night and I hope you all have a blessed and awesome day :)

[mystic-myrtille]

Watched the movie and honestly it was fine. No groundbreaking cinematic masterpiece. No disasturous dumpster fire. Just an ok movie that felt like a fanfiction from s1

Here's some more thoughts I have. There's no structure it's a little chaotic. Also spoilers (duh)

The stuff I liked:

The music was good

THE ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS. The lighting in every scene is perfect, the city actually feels populated and the colors overall are so much prettier than in the show

I loved the akuma designs

They do a good job of establishing how Marinette, in the beginning, is very anxious, affected by Chloe's bullying and how she doesn't have friends. That works better than what the show tried to establish, about how Marinette had no friends but still being popular for some reason

Alya being a good friend

The way Adrien deals with the loss of his mother and how playing the piano brings him comfort and makes him feel close to her. Imo the show went overboard with how literally everything Adrien does is dictated by his dad and never something he might genuinely enjoy doing. The fact that he had this hobby made him feel like he was more than just a sad boi

Adrien also seems to struggle with not having many friends outside Nino. Works pretty well with the characterization that he's socially awkward after being homeschooled for most of his life

Generally this Adrien has more PV vibes? I‘m digging it ngl

Marinette's dad is the best

Fu's introduction to Marinette sure was something xD

Gabriel was a good villain character. The show version is just some weird ass goof who is a huge ass to his son and everyone, yet the show wants you to feel for him without giving us a reason to care. This version actually has complexity. He’s still an ass, but now the pain over loosing Emilie feels real. You also have him hesitating to use the butterfly but ultimately spiraling completely into an actually threatening villain.

the fight scenes looked great

Marinette is still clumsy and awkward towards Adrien but without being too cringe about it and doing stupid shit. It‘s just heart eyes and day dreams and some stuttering. She‘s still nervous but I never felt like Adrien brought oit her worst side like in the show. She was simply a girl in love. This was wholesome to watch and so much better than... whatever the fuck the show did with the fucking dating trauma to use for """comedy""" bc the show runners have zero respect for her seriously I'll never get over how fucking stupid that was Marinette honey you deserve so much better

I honestly think this is a better version of the square. Still heavily flawed, but their dynamic feels so much more natural. Ladynoir stuff was sweet

The end where Marinette looses the earrings and then saves Chat without the costume was a good scene

Most of their moments were just quiet moments between just the two without any outside forces and characters constantly pushing them together. This bothers me in the show so much and is another major reason I cant get behind the ship, but for the most part the movie has some gentle pushing here and there but no convoluted and stupid cringy plans. In that regard movie love square is superior

Nino had a thing for Alya from the start pretty much, unlike in the show where he was crushing on Mari five minutes before getting with Alya. I like them in both the show and the movie, but the way they got together in the show was a little meh

Nino getting screentime in general

The stuff I don't know how to feel about:

Careless whisper. It was silly goofy but especially the second time when Paris is on fire and we skip to Adrien's room where he sulks... yeah that tome switch really threw me off

Two different voice actors for singing an talking. The difference was very jarring and while good for Bryce, Cristina has the voice of an angel like cmon I need her to do at least a cover from one song

Gabriel's redemption. Ok so I'm a little torn because the way they did it ties in very well with the the "power of love" theme that his love for Adrien makes him realize his mistakes bla bla, but he still terrorized a city and yet faces zero consequences, and Adrien forgives him, which are all thing that really rub me the wrong way. Idk the franchise is so obsessed with painting this man in a sympathetic light and in order for this to feel truly satisfying Gabriel shouldn't have tried to destroy Paris like 5 minutes earlier. I see what they went for and thematically it worked but I just need Gabriel to be put in prison

Speaking of Gabriel, the Adrien Gabe relationship isn't as abusive as in the show. This isn't good or bad, but I still think (very unpopular opinion) the show doesn't handle abuse well at all bc the only point of the abuse is pity points in oder to get the fans to care about the characters. So taking that out of the movie where you have limited time to wrap this whole thing up might've been a smart decision

With the ending they sort of hinted at a sequel

The cut off kiss at the end. They still act like a love square kiss is something sacred that they can‘t just give their fans. Commit to it already

The stuff I didn't like:

The dialogue was… something. Marinette just asking her mom over breakfast how to make her dreams come true. Babe just just woke up, that deep convos are for late nights

Generally the dialogue in both the movie and the show is a little weird

Lika Alya‘s „people try really hard to fail as hard as you“ Marinette spilled some coffee it‘s not that hard

Even though I liked the portrayel of Marinette‘s anxiety, at times the went overboard with it

Going back to the Gabriel redemption, just let Adrien have negative feeling about Gabriel already. The s5 finale have him idolize him and here he just instantly forgives and forget

So the butterfly is a villainous tool by default? They could've fixed their messy lore but noooo

The scene where Marinette gets her miraculous feels rushed.

The way Adrien receives his miraculous. He was chilling in his room and suddenly a black cat shows up. He doesn't even have to proove himself like Mari when she almost got hit by a truck. The moment in the show was already weak but this is just fucking stupid

the first akuma was just some random dude. They should've used someone the main duo has a connection to

Chat being a lil bitch about Ladybug rejecting him. Hated it in the show, hate it here. They could've used the movie to fix Adrien and they didn't. Other than that being a dick move as so many people have explained millions of times now, I find this such a boring source of conflict for the climax of the movie? They worked well before and they both know they care for each other as partners and even if being rejected hurts, Chat acts like LB just threw their friendship away or something with how strongly he reacts to it. In the show it felt blown out of proportion and it does here as well. I think they should've had a different kind of conflict which actively hurt their partnership or Chat stops treating LB unfairly just because to her he‘s not a romantic partner.

The fart jokes. Though tbf this is a kids movie

The way Marinette falls for Adrien was extremely underwhelming. Adrien smiles at her and helps her get up and then just walks out of the library all like „she‘s so weird“. Could‘ve been fixed if he and Mari stayed in the library and had a little conversation

Also Adrien‘s introduction in general? He just chills in the library and… yeah that‘s it. I blame this on the writers of the movie cutting character introductions short because they assume the audience already knows the characters and therefore doesn‘t have to introduce them. I don‘t think that was a good choice

The Adrienette stuff was just a montage. Would've been nice to actually see them connect (though that was probably a time issue)

Also they didn't give any spotlight to Marinette's good qualities like selflessness and intelligence. Would've been nice to see her be more willing to be there for people and help them out with things as a result of her gaining more confidence

Seriously the montage was a big mistake and takes away a lot from what could've made the movie stand out

The reveal felt a lot like Adrien only loving Marinette because she's LB, which was a big reason for me to not ship Adrienette prior to the flip (not that I did after). Something like this would‘ve been believable in a setting where they didn‘t know each other as civilians I guess, but that doesn‘t work for the square. Had they actually shown Adrienette develop outside of a montage this would'be been way more believable and touching.

I think a reverse love square from the beginning would've worked better here, or they should've made the Ladynoir side canon

Adrien tells Marinette about his dead mom. Chat noir tells Ladybug about his dead mom. How does she not make the connection?

The "power of love" theme fell flat with Marinette. she doesn't have her moment of "oh I have to protect the people I love" like Tikki's dialogue suggests. There were multiple people at the theme park she could've spotted being in danger and that should've made her want to save them. Tom being there was literally the perfect set-up. The show does this with Alya being trapped under a car or something and Marinette seeing her

I also think the jump from anxious Mari to brave Mari didn't work. In both the show and the movie it just feels like she just decides to be confident now without really getting there through hard work. The motivation was there in the show (see previous point) but in both instances it just happened too fast. Let Marinette have time to really adjust to her new role

This would've worked if the movie didn't try to keep the show's formula of "villain of the week". Why are we getting a montage about that when there's already a whole ass show with five seasons where we already see that? This montage took up time that could've been used more effectively. The movie should've tried to be more of it's own thing, really shoud've tried to flesh out the characters more in a way the show doesn't. They didn't need LB and CN immediately competent and loved by the public after the theme park fiasco. Just use the run time of the movie to get adjusted to fighting crime on a weekly basis, have them fail to then fix their mistakes and learn from them. Why not do a training montage with the point of becoming better instead of flirting? The movie tries too hard to keep up the show formula and it takes away the quality the story could've had

Also in Marinette's case it felt like the only "power of love" that mattered was her partnership with Chat. Her family and friends weren't completely unimportant but definetely underutilized in that regard. Romantic love is not the only important love you know

Their powers of cataclysm and miraculous ladybug only came in at the very end. The built up could've worked if they spent more time showing how they become good and experienced heroes over time

Generally the climax was underwhelming. Gabriel learns Chat‘s identity and the damage is made undone like 10 seconds later

Adrien being like "yeah I didn't really get close to people after my mom died" what's with the Nino erasure smh

Luka wasn't important

Kagami wasn't even there

I think the end scene hinted at the sentimonster stuff and I wished they would've just not include that

Final thoughts

There are things the movie did better than the show and some things it didn't. They don't waste much time on establishing who the characters are because they expect viewers to already know that from watching the show. But like the show, they fail to use the concepts they've set up in an effective way. The movie not only tries to stay true to the show but is almost dependent on the audience knowing the series.

But yeah, the movie atmosphere was nice. Nothing extraordinary but also not super bad. It had s1 vibes and despite the problems I listed, I had a good time for the most part. Not a must watch but still fine

4/10

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

RISE OF THE BEASTS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AAHHHHH SPOILERS AND THOUGHTS BELOW

When Arrival to Earth kicked on during the running from Unicron sequence it was cinematic poetry!!!!! And the fact that Unicron isn't dead and is still a threat, looming out there, yes!!!!!!!!

Also, showing the energon in Peru is perfect!!! Fucking perfect!!!! We can't get the Autobots to Cybertron, so why not bring the Decepticons to Earth??? In search of the energon????? Genius!!!!!!

And the human characters!!! Amazing!!! Love Noah, love his display of healthy nontoxic masculinity, love his family, love that he's Puerto Rican, love that he's from Bushwick, love him and his brother!!!!! And Elena!!!! A genius from Brooklyn who is super smart but won't be taken seriously and succeeds in her career in the end!!!! And the shoulder lean on the plane!! So soft!! So lovely!!

The character designs were amazing!! Arcee's stood out the most to me and I really liked how cool it looked!! I was also worried about Liza Koshy voicing her but she did pretty good! And my god the Terrorcons!!!

Not sure how I feel about the GI Joe reveal but I think it holds promise!

Also the fight sequences!! Finally Transformers live action fights without uncessary shaky cam and being unable to see wtf is going on. The steady cam, the tracking shots with no breaks, the everything!!! So good!!!!

Overall, 10/10, super good, no notes, go see it again!!

[hoodlessmads]

Who wants to read a long ass review of FFXVI?

I would give this game a 6/10. Here’s why. (seriously, it's long, I'm warning you)

SPOILERS for late game (I don't spoil the ending but I do mention characters and events through basically the beach scene - if you know you know)

First, I've seen a tendency to dismiss and/or mischaracterize people’s criticisms of FFXVI as them saying “I don’t like that it’s not turn-based” or “it’s not like other Final Fantasies” when that’s not at all what I’m about to say. Those aren’t my issues with the game. At all. So just getting that out of the way. Kingdom Hearts II is one of my favorite games of all time, so I am not at all adverse to this game having action combat. Final Fantasy XII is different from other Final Fantasies too, but that’s in my top 3 FF games, so that’s not my issue either.

To be honest, I haven’t actually seen anyone criticize the game for not being turn-based except in memes, so I can’t help but feel like fans are blowing this particular criticism out of proportion, unless I’m just in the wrong places online. Who is actually saying the game isn’t Final Fantasy because it’s not turn-based? 90% of people seem to love the game.

Moving on.

This is not...professionally written, by the way. I kind of wrote it in one sitting. Also, please try not to take my extreme language too seriously - that's just how I write. praying emoji

Credit where credit is due

The presentation is great – graphics, cinematics, voice acting, cutscenes. Some of the cutscenes in this game and some of the cinematic QTEs were actually insane. Completely bonkers. The game reaches extreme high points with its story and spectacle that had me yelling. I’ve never in my life cared about graphical quality or spectacle, but this game got me, and I think part of it is the way they successfully integrated the story’s most dramatic moments with the grandest spectacle possible gameplay-wise. Virtually all of the big story moments were dope as hell. I hope this integration helps these spectacular moments stand the test of time when they eventually become graphically outdated. (Because they will. Who cares about the FFVII motorcycle chase anymore? But it blew minds back in the day.)

Things I didn’t know I needed in Final Fantasy: Ifrit hanging off a crystal going, “Fuck.”

The combat is pretty good. It could be better, but it’s pretty good. Action combat-wise, it’s a huge improvement from FF15. I didn’t love it, personally, but I enjoyed my time with it sometimes, and would definitely count it among the game’s strong points. I like that you can control Torgal; it added a nice layer to the combat. I did find myself skipping most mob fights, though.

The story, like the combat, could be better, but overall I think it’s pretty solid. My issues have more to do with the execution and storytelling than the core concepts, which I think are really good. There are some really compelling and interesting ideas here. The story feels very “Final Fantasy” in a good way. I enjoyed it for the most part. I had one MAJOR issue with it that I’ll discuss in the negative section of this review but other than that the flaws in the writing, while there (especially the writing of some of the characters and the ending), aren’t huge detractors for me. I hated the moments I call “Game of Thrones bullshit” which is where I felt the GoT posturing got a little too on the nose, but otherwise, I’m a sucker for political storylines and the political machinations and such in this story were some of my favorite moments, along with the epic confrontations, of course.

Some of the characters: I like Joshua, Cid, Mid, and Dion. Joshua....what can I say. I’m obsessed with him? I’m hyperfixated on a character that is trapped in a game which I think is otherwise mediocre, and that sucks.

Overall, I'm actually really frustrated by all the things I like in this game, because similar to the last mainline entry, I feel like Square almost made one of the best games in the series, if not the best. Truly. But they kind of shat the bed instead.

Gameplay negatives

I could nitpick forever, but the main gameplay element that fully ruins this game for me, if I’m being honest, is the fact that there is no permanent party.

You have your dog, and sometimes you have Jill, but for most of the game Clive is alone. The game’s story preaches a lot about bonds with other people and togetherness and how that is humanity’s strength, but the gameplay doesn’t match up with that message at all. The gameplay sends the opposite message: that this is Clive’s sole journey. As a result, a lot of the story’s themes don’t land well. Also, because you are playing alone as Clive for most of the game, the game is pretty much made or broken on how much you like him. For me, I don’t like him. I’ll get more into why in the story negative section. But because I don’t like him, I have a hard time really enjoying my playing experience because I am forced to spend all of my time with him, and only him. This isn’t about not being able to play as other people, though that would be nice. It’s that the other people aren’t even there.

Final Fantasy XV is a broken mess of a game that I did not enjoy, with a messy story, but even that game understood this most basic principle of building a sense of camaraderie with the main character’s friends by having them all in a permanent party together all the way through until the very end of the game. When that game talked about Noctis’s bonds with others being his strength, it landed because of all the time I, as a player, had spent with the party members. I bought that. The game had earned it.

This sort of leads into my other big issue with the game, which is the virtual lack of RPG elements. Even when you do have temporary party members, they are (relatively useless) AI bots that you have no power to affect whatsoever. You can’t even change their equipment. In the menu, the only character is Clive (other than some cute sprites). It makes you feel even more alone in the journey. So there are no party members to outfit – what can you customize? The game’s customization options are limited to picking and choosing which abilities to give to Clive using earned ability points and an extremely bare bones crafting system. As for the abilities, I will admit there is potential to customize your combat based on which Eikon abilities you choose to outfit Clive with. But it pretty much stops there. The itemization and crafting system are utter dog shit. I don’t feel like I need to justify saying that...even fans of this game have to admit how tacked-on that shit is. In addition, there isn’t even something as simple as elemental weaknesses that might be affected by said tacked-on crafting system. This is a game where the story centers around eight Eikons for eight magical elements and yet there is no elemental affinity baked into the gameplay. I have to ask, what the fuck?

Some Zelda fans would probably get mad at me for saying this, but even though Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom also feature a solo journey without any party members, they legitimately feel more like RPGs than Final Fantasy XVI. Those games have elemental weaknesses and systems that force you to put some thought into your approach to combat, and they have a more worthwhile and involved gear upgrading system. It’s crystal clear that the developers of FF16 put a lot of effort into the presentation, the story and the combat and I applaud those efforts, but it really feels like they put zero effort into ANYTHING else outside of that because there is NOTHING to this game outside of the main story and combat. I would almost rather they hadn’t even bothered to try to pretend this was still an RPG instead of the linear character action thriller it wants to be.

Even in that sense, it’s not particularly outstanding. The combat’s depth is questionable...I would have preferred if you could at least use ability points to, say, modify the base combo, which never changes. Shake it up just a little bit. Instead, the modifications to Clive’s combat as the game goes on come entirely in the form of Eikon abilities that are on timers and you can cycle through them as you want. I don’t get the feeling that Clive himself is growing stronger or better, persay. Each ability has a unique utility, but that utility is limited in any given boss fight due to the lack of enemy variety, and they mostly served for me as extra damage dealers rather than relating to any sort of strategy. The lack of combo modifiers and also the lack of a dedicated block mechanic other than the one Titan ability makes the combat feel a bit clunky and outdated to me. I don’t know how to say it, I guess, because Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom also don’t have combo modifiers and that combat isn’t particularly deep but it doesn’t feel nearly as clunky to play, so I don’t know what I’m saying...but FFXVI’s combat just feels clunky to me sometimes and you’re gonna have to believe me. (I'm not trying to compare these two games, I just feel like since I compared them in the last paragraph I should at least mention I'm not trying to make a double standard about the combat here.)

Lastly, a big issue I have with the gameplay is the exploration. It’s shit. Really. You get a couple of big maps but they’re empty. The coolest locations in the game are ones you either only get to visit once or ones you only see in cutscenes. This does a lot to alienate me from the world the game is trying to build.

I've seen a counter-criticism amounting to basically, "You shouldn't bring franchise expectations to the game!" when people criticize the lack of a party or the lack of RPG elements but I have to ask...why shouldn't I? Any game that carries a series title is going to draw comparisons with other entries in the series, and why shouldn't it - otherwise, what's the point in carrying the title? Every Final Fantasy game has always been "new" in many ways, but there has also still always been a thread connecting them, even a thin one. For me, this game just frays that thread a bit too thin. Through 12, 13, 13-2, Lightning Returns, 15, you name it, I've still always felt like "This is Final Fantasy." When I'm not even playing an RPG anymore, it's gotten too far away from the core of the series. I'm sorry, but it has.

Now here's the story negative section:

Final Fantasy XVI has a slavery problem

There are other story negatives, but for me, this is the big one. I haven’t seen people talking about it much (yet) and I don’t really understand why, because for me it was glaring and cast a pall over the entire story and many of the characters.

There’s nothing wrong with featuring slavery in your fantasy story and/or world; far from it. I think it can add stakes and a dark, realist tone to the narrative (as we know, unfortunately, slavery is a disgustingly frequent part of human history and still exists even today) as well as set up some political commentary. It just has to be done right. It’s obviously a sensitive, heavy topic. FFXVI completely bungles its handling of said topic and betrays that its developers seemingly did not have the historical comprehension or tact to appropriately handle it.

In the narrative of FFXVI, there are good slaveowners and bad slaveowners. (You can see where this is going.) The bad slaveowners are people like Clive’s mom Anabella, who view Bearers (magic users) as vermin and treat them abhorrently. Like, clownishly evil and violent treatment. The good slaveowners are people like Clive’s dad Elwin, who claim to want to make life better for Bearers and treat them relatively well by comparison—see them as human beings (theoretically)—but still keep them as slaves.

During the game’s prologue, you play as a teenage Clive who was raised as a prince of Rosaria in a slave culture where Bearers are branded and are forced to work in service to his father’s duchy. We are shown that Clive is nice to the slaves and wants to make sure they are treated well; however, he doesn’t see that there is much wrong with them being enslaved and is perfectly fine with the status quo. Clive idolizes his father, who is otherwise an evenhanded, astute ruler who truly cares about his people (at least the ones that aren’t slaves). I like Clive during these first few hours. He shows a bit of personality: he is earnest and loyal to a fault, he is fiercely protective of his brother, he is focused on what he sees as his duty to his father and his country, he is secretly devastated that his mother doesn’t love him and wants to earn his place so he has poured his entire life into making himself worthwhile in his own way, i.e. becoming the best swordsman of all time. He’s kind of giving a jock but with a sensitive side.

It’s uncomfortable that he is so comfortable with slavery, but that is exactly how a kid who grew up in a slave culture under a father he admires might think and behave. That’s why there is massive potential here to have his worldview shaken up in a big way – we know that Clive later becomes enslaved himself.  As an adult, how might he look back on his interactions with the slaves in Rosalith? How might he reevaluate the man he thought his father was, compared to the man he actually was: a benevolent father but a man who owned and sanctioned the owning of slaves?

There is one scene where, as adults, Clive and Jill are in Martha’s Rest having just witnessed some awful treatment of slaves, and they comment on how it’s crazy that they never saw anything wrong with slavery as kids. That’s it. The commentary begins and ends there. Outside of this moment, not once does Clive come to terms with his complicity in slavery as a teenager, and not once does he ever think to criticize his father for it.

On the contrary: throughout the game, Archduke Elwin is revered by everyone, and we the player are supposed to revere him too. There is one part of the game where Clive returns to a village in Rosaria and the mayor, recognizing him as the prince, offers him his father’s old Bearers back in a chillingly casual tone. Like, offers to give him his father’s old slaves back who have just been hanging out in this village ever since the country was taken over. Clive of course declines, but we don’t get any indication of how Clive feels about this reminder that his dad was, you know, a slaveowner. Clive also never confronts the mayor’s assumption that these people are things to be owned, just lets him keep on as he was. Clive then meets one of his father’s old kitchen slaves, who has become senile. The old former slave thinks he is still waiting for Elwin to return and take him back to the kitchens, where the former slave apparently enjoyed working. The old man apparently has no idea what to do with himself in the mean time and just hangs out by the well waiting for Elwin, day in and day out. The old man thinks Clive is Elwin returned to get him, and Clive plays along, but says the old dude should just chill out in the village until he’s done with his journey and eventually he’ll come back and get him.

Now...it’s not super clear what we’re supposed to get out of this scene. It’s not entirely clear if we are supposed to take the old man’s ravings about how great it was working in Elwin’s kitchens at face value. Obviously, that would be horrifying. I have to assume that we are supposed to sort of see this as a really dark and sad look at a Stockholm Syndrome-type situation. But the uncertainty that I feel is just the problem. Does this quest exist to show how great Elwin was and how much everyone loved him, including his slaves, or to show how fucked up slavery is? This shouldn’t be a question I’m asking. And the reason I’m asking it is because our viewpoint characters give us nothing to go off of.

Assuming for everyone’s sanity that it’s the latter, why doesn’t Clive have some sort of emotional reaction? This is his father we’re talking about. The great Archduke Elwin. And here is a devastating reminder of the horror Elwin wreaked on a man’s life and psyche. Nothing. We get nothing from Clive. If a normal person suddenly realized that the food they ate growing up was always prepared by slaves, you’d think they’d have some kind of reaction.

And like...is Clive serious? Is he actually planning on coming back to “get him” when he’s done with his journey? Does Clive literally just own slaves in this game? (I don't actually think so, but I'm just saying, the scene was weird.) In any case, it is clear that most of the current and former slaves in this game are completely helpless and will just keep being enslaved through inertia if someone doesn’t save them or at least come and explain to them that being enslaved is wrong, actually, and they should be free. (A portrayal of slaves that is more than patronizing...it’s revolting. Certainly many real life slaves were victims of this sort of brainwashing, but it just feels like...way too many of them are like this in the game, and there are almost no rebellious slaves to provide an alternative portrayal, so it feels very one-sided. The Hideaway folks don't count - I'm talking about current slaves that you meet in the wild.)

After the events of the following section, where a village is massacred, Clive and Jill are upset and suddenly decide they want to help Cid free all the slaves, even though up until this point they have been pretty lukewarm on the idea of joining the liberation effort. I don’t feel like the threads between events are clearly drawn to show how the characters changed their minds. Instead, it’s sudden. They see a massacre (that includes non-Bearers as well as former slaves) and decide slavery is wrong.

Normally, you’d think that since Clive and Jill have, you know, been slaves themselves for the past thirteen years, that alone would be enough to give them a new perspective on slavery. But apparently not. Apparently they had to go through a journey in Rosaria to come to the conclusion that all the slaves should be freed, and even then it doesn’t feel like a perspective change that is earned or that makes sense. The scene with the mayor could have been a great opportunity to show that transition – just have Clive be like “oh, fuck...my dad did this too” – and boom, his character arc starts to make a lot more sense.

Instead, Clive proudly wears his father’s old clothes and later goes so far as to claim that he is carrying on his father’s ideals. At one point, when viewing the atrocious crimes against humanity that Anabella’s men perpetrate against former slaves, Clive mutters something along the lines of, at least in Elwin’s time Bearers weren’t “spit on as slaves.” Fam, what in the world are you talking about? We literally just talked to one of Elwin’s former kitchen slaves? We talked to a man in the Rosalith courtyard in the prologue named “Slaveowner?” It would be one thing if he was in deep denial, but the game doesn’t play it like that. The game plays it straight, like we are supposed to take what Clive is saying as truth. Later, Clive tells Byron that he won’t take back rule of Rosaria, because instead he’s fighting for the world his father believed in, where all people can live freely. Clive explicitly tells us that his father’s beliefs and the goal of ending slavery are one and the same. This does not make sense at all.

I spoke with a friend about this who argued that Elwin did believe in ending slavery, but he didn’t outright do it because he would have had revolts on his hands and so on – it would have been too sudden of a change for the free people to accept since the hatred of Bearers was so entrenched (my thoughts: oh dear, not the free people having hurt feelings, not the revolts! Better keep those people enslaved to avoid such a horror), so he was trying to change attitudes over time. According to my friend, this is what Clive meant by following his father’s ideals - moreso in spirit than in actuality. I think this is a bit of a stretch to assume this is what Clive was thinking since the game doesn't really make it super clear, if I'm being honest, and it's still a very unflattering portrayal because he's essentially excusing his father's policies of slavery. I agree with my friend that such behavior makes perfect sense for Elwin as a character, but owning slaves is still 100% wrong, Elwin was wrong, and the problem is the game’s narrative never really acknowledges this. It's obvious to us, but the game needs to acknowledge it, and it doesn't. (Also, if the reason he didn’t end slavery was truly because he was afraid of the chaos it would cause (eyeroll...it’s giving Northern liberals in 1850s United States...), then why did he himself also own slaves? Surely that wasn’t required if all he wanted was to avoid revolts. It's because he needed to use them as resources and he'd rather use free human beings in forced labor than use up the meager supply of crystals they have, right? Isn't that the real reason?) I bring this up not to discredit this friend, who is great, but because I hadn't considered this perspective before and it helped me understand Elwin's thought process a bit more, so I thought it would be helpful to mention.

What we get, as a result of all this, is a main character who comes across as extremely putzy and tepid. Sure, Clive thinks slavery is wrong, generally. He definitely thinks treating slaves badly is wrong, at least. He probably thinks having them at all is wrong...probably. (Unless you’re his dad, Archduke Elwin.) But at the same time, he doesn’t bat an eyelash when he comes across random NPCs that are in the process of abusing their slaves. And I mean including after he takes over Cid’s role as the international slave liberator and removes his brand. He doesn’t even have an emotional reaction. He just moves on like it’s to be expected. Clive is the most powerful man on earth by this point and he doesn’t lift a finger to help any Bearers he comes across in the wild. Cid the Outlaw, everybody, Clive the great liberator of slaves. What a stand-up guy. If I were a slave in Valisthea, I wouldn’t want this guy to be the one advocating for me. Personally.

It is incredibly difficult for me to emotionally connect with this character when this is how he is characterized, and when the slavery storyline is handled so tactlessly. Like it’s just tacked on to make the world more dark and fucked up, but the developers didn’t care to follow through with exploring it.

FFXVI’s portrayal of the badness of slavery is mostly limited to the cheap, low-hanging fruit of showing horrific atrocities and abuse being perpetrated against slaves by awful slavemasters. But it mostly avoids the true insidiousness of slavery, which is how normal it could be, and has been. How normal, otherwise nice people, could and have been complicit in it. Slavery doesn’t need horrific treatment to be bad. Owning other people is inherently bad. And FFXVI somehow doesn’t seem to get that.

There’s a fun, interesting, comedic relief type character with a lot more personality than most of the other main characters: Clive’s uncle, Byron. He’s wonderful. I wanted to love him.

Except - nagging at the back of my mind from the second we met him was the thought that this guy probably owned Bearers as slaves back in the day, and even if he was somehow the only noble in Rosaria that didn’t, he was close with his brother and could have made an effort to convince Elwin to end slavery, but didn’t.

You can’t have the fun quirky comedic relief uncle character also be a former slaveowner (or, optimistically, a guy who used to help maintain the system of slavery). Tonally, it just doesn’t work.

It would be one thing if Byron ever addressed his past, or his failure to act, or ever somehow recanted his former beliefs and complicity in a way the player can see. But he doesn’t. The slavery in Rosaria thing goes completely unaddressed. Byron easily slides into his role as the benefactor of the Freeing the Slaves Group as if he was one of them all along. It’s confusing and distressing to see the insidiousness of “good” slavery in Rosaria go totally unaddressed.

There’s also this uncomfortable feeling when you go around as Clive after he removes his brand and suddenly no one treats you like shit anymore, and you can’t help but thinking, “Are all of these NPCs actually racist assholes and the only reason they’re not showing it is because they think I’m not a Bearer?” Steph Sterling (The Jimquisition) has a great video where she talks about how everyone in the world of Valisthea comes across as an irredeemable bigoted monster and it makes it hard to care about saving the world. I agree. Like, saving the world is obviously still the right thing to do. I know this logically – but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel any attachment to this world or the awful people in it. This makes it even harder to connect with the “role” I’m supposed to be playing in this “RPG.”

Then the slavery storyline is forgotten halfway through the game for more Final Fantasy-like and less complicated nonsense like killing gods. (Probably for the best.)

There’s also the obvious issue of there being very few people of color in the game, and many of those being white passing to boot, but I feel that has already been touched on elsewhere better than I could say it. It’s obviously stupid and it makes their bungling of the slavery storyline even worse.

There are other flaws with the story, but I can’t even pay attention to those because the slavery thing overwhelms all the comparatively small writing problems for me. I feel like one of the 2.5 people on the Internet who is actually bothered by the portrayal of slavery in this game and it’s making me a little insane. Are people really not bothered by this?

Listen. The slavery storyline had a lot of potential. Episode 2 (or 3?) of Resonant Arc’s FFXVI analysis podcast series on YouTube goes into a really great deep dive about the portrayal of slavery in Valisthea and it made me realize it was more nuanced than I had initially given it credit for. Particularly, the fact that the reason people treat Bearers with such comic book villainy and abuse is because they have to buy into the idea of Bearers being sub-human in order to justify enslaving them and slowly murdering them, and they have to buy in hard. This is extremely true to life. In order to justify treating people like objects, they dehumanize them. There is probably guilt and shame involved over taking advantage of Bearers as a resource, which they have been brainwashed into thinking they must do in order to survive, so they channel that shame into hatred and abuse. Even many slaves themselves have been brainwashed into buying into this system, and as a result they value the “good” slavemasters compared to the “bad” ones. The system has been so entrenched for generations that there is buy-in even from the lowest rung. It’s realistic and true and I definitely get what the developers were going for, I think. But there’s still a problem:

The game never does condemn the “good slavery” in Rosaria. That coming-to-terms, that realization that it seems like the game should be building up to within Clive – it never happens. Clive never has the character growth he needs in order to make the slavery storyline land properly. By the end of the game, Elwin is still a great, admired guy, Rosaria’s slavery is still good, and it is presented as fundamentally different from, say, imperial slavery. This is really just...wrong. So all of that potential for nuance that I just discussed in the previous paragraph ends up falling flat.

Anyway, I don’t like adult Clive. I think he’s a loser. For all the game’s talk of strength of will, I don’t see much strength of will in Clive. He comes across as uncommitted and wishy washy in nearly every instance, with a side dose of angst. He doesn’t compel me in the slightest; in fact, he outright disgusts me at points, and I’d have given my left arm to play as his twinky brother instead.

The women

Okay, so I’m just gonna touch on it briefly. The women in this game...could be better. Like, they’re not bad, but I came out disappointed. Especially in Anabella.

Benedikta’s storyline has already been criticized a lot for being too short and not giving her enough depth so I won’t rehash all that, but we have to talk about Anabella. Clearly, the woman’s inspiration is Cersei from Game of Thrones, unless there’s another beautiful blond traitorous kingmaker who is a total monster that I’m forgetting about. But Cersei is a great villain because in spite of all the horrible things she does, she still feels like a real person. A fucked up person, but a real person nonetheless. Her past is carefully explored so we understand the institutional misogyny, insecurity, horrible monster of a father, and toxic relationship with her brother that led her to grow up into this person. On top of that, Cersei shows a glimpse of humanity – in spite of how she may feel about everyone else, she truly loves her children. She isn’t really a monster – she’s actually just a really fucked up, evil human being.

On the other hand, Anabella is a total monster with no redeeming qualities. We get an indication at the very end that she did genuinely love Joshua and Olivier in...her own way, perhaps...but it’s just a glimmer and then she gets killed off immediately. We watch her commit horrific act after horrific act with no idea why she would do such a thing for tens of hours, and we only just manage to learn what her motivations were the whole time when she spews it out in a rush right before she dies. And the motivations are surprisingly shallow. She was just tired of people gossiping about her behind her back in Rosaria, so she had them all killed. Cool. Why is she like this? I guess we’ll never know.

I love evil women, but Anabella doesn’t even feel like a real person. Such a missed opportunity. I still kinda love when she’s being deliciously evil, though.

*tiktok autotune voice* and I’m not saying she deseeerved it – but god’s timing is aalwaaays riiiight

Oh, you want me to talk about Jill? How did they do? You mean other than her entire life revolving around her love for a man? (Just kidding...sort of.) Well, she’s fine, I guess. Personally, I find Jill to be kind of bland as a character, but that’s just me. I think we needed to get more from her backstory than what we got. As it is, she’s too Clive-focused. She’s giving Dollar Tree Tifa but not in a good way...Tifa definitely still had her own goals and motivations independent of how she felt about Cloud, and she had much more personality. (I also don’t really understand how Jill had the patience to wait for this dude for 18 years, but we don’t really get to see how she feels about that. Or was he the one waiting for her to make a move, and she was the one hesitating? Unclear, but unlikely.) Jill is just totally gung-ho to go at Clive’s pace, in all things. The Hideaway’s goals, their relationship, talking about their feelings, anything and everything is whenever he wants and no sooner or later. I don’t necessarily have a problem with that if it makes sense for the character - We’re just never in her perspective, so we don’t know why, and I find that a shame. But I do love Jill’s design, her voice acting is great, and I like that the narrative treats her like an equal to the men when it comes to combat prowess and general agency. My problem with her giving up her powers to Clive isn’t unique to just her – I hate it in every case that it happens – it just happens to sting a little bit more since Jill is the only female party member in the game.

I like the Jive ship, by the way, even though I'm not very fond of them individually. Like many people (especially fellow adults lol), I appreciate the refreshing maturity and healthiness they have. Not exactly common in Final Fantasy (as much as I love other FF ships).

So close and yet so far from greatness

For those thirsting after Clive and Cid, I raise you, Barnabas? He’s weirdly hot, right?

I feel like fixing FF16 wouldn’t be hard. Not nearly as hard as fixing FF15. It would take some redesigning the way the story plays out a little bit to give us a permanent party, but it would be worth it. The party could include Clive, Jill, Gav, and Tarja for the duration of the game. Characters like Cid could drop out when it’s their time to drop out, and characters like Dion, Josh, and Mid could jump in after crossing paths with the party, and then stay there. When the characters go off on their little quests, like when Dion sneaks off and goes back to the Crystalline Dominion, instead of having them go alone, have the whole party accompany them. This would help organically build the bonds between the characters instead of just having the game tell us that they have bonds.

There are even classic FF archetypes to work with, if they wanted to balance the party accordingly. Clive is a knight/jack of all trades, Jill is a black mage, Gav is a rogue, Tara is like a white mage or an alchemist, Cid and Mid are machinists, Dion is a dragoon, and Josh is a red mage. See? Not that they have to be called this, but I’m just making a point that balance-wise, the party is RIGHT THERE. Then allow the player to outfit them with unique gear and maybe have a couple options for how they want the AI’s playstyle to be, like offensive, defensive, attack Clive’s enemies, attack enemies other than Clive’s enemies...just simple options (if I wanted to be really greedy I’d say add a gambit system but I’m trying to keep it “easy” here--).

But if I can be a bit greedy – how about you allow us to return to the areas featured in the one-off missions and, more than that, how about you actually let us roam around in the fantastical set pieces we only get to see in cutscenes, like Oriflamme? It wouldn’t have to be a big area. Just give me like one little town square. One tiny itsy bitsy little town square per city. Nothing too graphically intensive. Something, anything to help me feel more immersed in this world, because the game desperately needs it. The world is so cool, conceptually, but I can’t really immerse myself because I can't explore most of it.

For the story, just include some deeper revelations for Clive, Jill, Josh, Byron, even Dion, where they regret their complicity in slavery in the past (well, Josh was basically a baby so I wouldn’t necessarily call him “complicit,” but you get it, his family owned slaves, that’s a lot to swallow). Instead of having the boring ass side quests that exist now, create some side quests that are like Clive and gang actually going out and freeing more Bearers on the side, even while they’re dealing with the Mothercrystal shit, so that the freeing the slaves storyline can continue even after the plot shifts to be about the crystals. Have the quests be about unique, fleshed out characters where they have agency in freeing themselves and building a better life for themselves so it’s not all about helpless slaves with Stockholm Syndrome who need to be saved (because that’s both historically inaccurate and gross).

Of course, I think the RPG elements need to be fleshed out, but I think if you just change these two major things (a permanent party and improving the slavery storyline) the game turns from being a uncomfortable and often dreary slog into an absolute banger.

Demake

Okay hear me out – a Switch demake in the pixel art style of, say, Final Fantasy VI (like the sprites we see on the menu). The party that I mentioned above exists. I don’t care if it makes sense with the story or where the characters are supposed to be located in the world. If you’re fighting, you’ve got the party. They’re just there, get over it. If you want it to make sense, you can play the original or watch a Let’s Play of the original. You can choose four of those fuckers at a time. It’s turn-based, for the hoes (I’m the hoes).

The Eikon battles though – the Eikon battles are a 2D side scrolling brawler. How fucking sick would that be? Hell, if they really wanted to keep it entirely action-oriented even in a pixel art demake, the regular combat can be a 2d side scrolling brawler too, and maybe you can control your other three party members with, like, their own assigned buttons. Kind of like TWEWY. So it would be chaotic but in a fun way. And maybe (also for the hoes) they can insert some of the epic cinematic cutscenes as FMVs.

Have I mentioned my emphasis on having a party?

Would this not be sick as hell?

Conclusion

I needed somebody to scream at about this and my only friends who are playing this game are still early in, so I turned to the Internet instead. I welcome discussion if you for some reason actually read all of this and feel so inclined. This isn’t a comprehensive review (in spite of being this long) and there’s room for debate and there are certainly more things that could be touched on.

I wrote all this about a 6/10 game because I love Final Fantasy that much – if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have this much to say about it. Ultimately, I love all Final Fantasy games, even the ones I don’t like. If you get it you get it.