#no real warnings

[angelyuji]

HEHEHHWHEE imagine the bau team hunting down a serial killer not knowing its their OWN PARTNERRRR imma use hotch as an example cuz dilf😫😫😩😩😩

no real warnings tbh just that reader is a serial killer

i think that he would literally never ever guess it was you. this unsub has been taunting the team, they'd get close and then, the MOMENT they think they're getting close... you're gone (kinda). cuz technically you're still around yk. you're going on dates with aaron, taking care of jack during emergencies, etc. but your serial killer hobbies are in hiatus.

aaron would talk about it with you too. he knows he's not supposed to tell you about the case, but sometimes he gets so frustrated with the case and you lend him an ear yk.

you hide it well, but every time he talks to you about the case. you feel giddy knowing how well you've stumped the great bau.

aaron would never suspect you. you're a great partner, a great parent, he loves you. i mean, every night he holds you talking about how much he loves you. you're the sunshine on his rainy day. all of this distracts you, keeps you on haitus for a long time maybe even permenantly. he tells you that he's planning on quitting the bau. that lets you relax, truly putting your hobbies to rest.

"i think i'm going to take the offer..." aaron says, leaning against the counter, watching you cook dinner.

"hmm? which offer?" you look over at him, in his tight shirt and baggy pants.

"to resign." he laughs and pushing his hair back with one hand. "i want to be here... with you and jack. i want to focus on being a father... and a husband." he looks away and you smile at his bashfulness.

"i'm happy with whatever decision you chose to make, aaron. you're stuck with me."

then he proposes, you're elated. every thing is perfect. you have an amazing fiance, an amazing (almost) step-son. the entire bau is there when he proposes. every single thing is perfect... except that aaron isn't quitting. he's staying at the bau with them. he's staying with them. even after he promised you that he'd quit.

"you told me... you told me that you'd quit." you pace around the living room.

"i know. i'm sorry, but the team needs me." aaron looks at you, eyes filled with guilt.

"we need you, aaron! me and jack! we need you." you feel tears roll down your cheeks.

"(y/n)..." he tries to reach out to you and you back away. he stops, hurt.

"i need some air." you leave, kissing jack good-bye.

you were gone for a week, and in that week, two people had died.

"something on your mind, aaron?" rossi put a hand on his shoulder. aaron sat in his office, staring at the picture of the three of you on a picnic.

"i'm not sure... since (y/n)'s been gone, two people have died and... i noticed this last time too." aaron puts his head in his hands.

"what do you mean?" rossi sits down.

"i-i'm not sure. last time too, we had a fight and they left and- and people died." the dots start to connect, but rossi shakes his head.

"aaron, you don't really think-"

"no. no, i'm sure i'm just imagining it."

"i think you should listen to strauss. the stress from scratch, the new unsub, everything..." rossi trails off.

"i know... i know, i'll think about it."

of course, aaron calls your parents and they say you've been with them the entire time. so he lets it go, but it stays on his mind even when you were back. you'd be sleeping in the same bed and he'd look at you and wonder... could you be a killer? but you'd pull him into a kiss and he'd fall for your warmth once more. you knew he had his suspicions, rossi told you himself. he said he was "worried" that you should "convince him to resign. it'll be good for the both of you". and you did just that. you moved up the wedding, you sent out the invitations, you did everything to distract him from his suspicions and work.

when you walk down the aisle, you see all his suspicions melt as tears fall from his eyes. you feel a grin creep up your face, you did it. you had him for yourself.

"i, aaron hotchner, take (y/n) to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"

[mylittleredgirl]

that moment when you cross the point of no return with a character should be accompanied by a specific chime i think. like 🔔 congratulations! this one has been installed in the Permanent Collection and you will never stop thinking about them as long as you live

[egophiliac]

back at it again with the extremely self-indulgent diafams! I am being emotionally supported by overly-cutesy interactions between anime characters right now, don't judge me.

(also continuing with my headcanons that 1) mustache Bauru, and 2) he'll be hugely tsundere about it but you can, ultimately, convince him to do just about anything via careful application of Sebek.)

[dykesevika]

Happy Holidays!!

Men DNI

Do Not Repost/Use Without Asking+Crediting!!

[somewhereincairparavel]

credits to @aroaceleovaldez for generously revealing the font name i had so much fun w this (the fonts called 'centaur')

[rystiel]

au where ford gets over himself when he gets to gravity falls and reaches out to stan sooner

stan thinks ford still doesn’t want him around and is gonna kick him out the moment he doesn’t need his help anymore ahaha. but like also they’re so sillayyyy

(plus a part 2 & part 3)

[midnigtartist]

Somatic

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[tpwrtrmnky]

lockdown

[ID 1: Three-panel comic, first out of four, with crudely drawn stick people.

Panel 1: The sky is blue and peaceful, with some clouds. Someone says "Ah..."

Panel 2: An orange person with dog ears is laying on the grass.

Orangepup Dogsaturated: "Despite the weirdness, it's nice here.

I think... I'm enjoying my fate as an orangepup dogastur-"

They are interrupted by barking.

Orange: "Huh?"

Panel 3: A green person with dog ears and a tail, who is holding a gun, stands over Orange. There is a tree in the background and some windmills on top of a hill in the distance. The barking continues.

Green: "Comrade Hot Pink is sounding the alarm. Come quick. We're going on lockdown."

Orange: "Huh? What are we-"

Green: "No time. Now."

ID 2: Three panel comic continuing from above.

Panel 1: Orange is led by Green down some stairs from outside.

Orange: "What's going on? Expository doctrine please?"

Green: "It's too dangerous. Safety first, explanation after."

Panel 2: Green shuts a vault door as Orange and a blue person with dog ears and sunglasses, as well as some sort of bandolier and a walkie-talkie, watches. The room is a plain beige with a simple ceiling light.

Green: "There."

Orange: "ok can someone explain now"

Blue: "Allow me."

Panel 3: Zoom in on Blue, who looks down dramatically.

Blue: "You must understand, young Orange. As much as we wish to trust you, there are circumstances where safety for the commune comes first.

We are aware that you have certain... Rhetorical susceptibilities, and so could not risk having you make contact with them."

Orange: "Who? Who are they?"

Blue: "One who destroys discourse."

End ID 2, begin ID 3.

Three panels once again.

Panel 1: A split view of a loft and the bunker. A hot pink person with fluffy ears is speaking on the walkie-talkie, while an onyx-colored person with dog ears and long claws is aiming a rifle out the window.

Hot Pink: "Comrade Blue. Onyx is ready. Do we have majority ethical consent?"

Blue: "Take the shot. If we later vote against, I will take accountability for the decision myself."

Orange: "What"

Panel 2: A view of Onyx staring down the scope of the rifle from outside of the window, as Blue narrates.

"You must understand, Orangepup Dogsaturated.

There are many who despise us. Many who would do anything to see us destroyed."

Panel 3: The narration continues from a view from the outskirts of the farm area. A mountain is in the distance, and a pair of grayscale legs are in the foreground, framed by some tree trunks.

"The horrific lesson we have learned...

Is that there is no low that outsiders can be trusted not to sink to.

And the danger of this interloper lies in their ability to provide others with all the excuses they need to justify their hatred."

Interloper: "I..."

End ID 3, begin ID 4. You know what this image is by now.

Panel 1: The Most Illiterate Person Alive, a grayscale individual wearing a book on their head, emerges from the woods, saying: "I am the most illiterate person ali-"

They are cut off by a view of Onyx pulling the trigger, which results in a view of the bullet going straight through the head of the most illiterate person alive, emerging in a shower of gore.

This continues to be a crudely drawn stick people comic.

Panel 2: Inside the barn loft, Hot Pink and Onyx are contacting the others.

Hot Pink: "Comrade Blue, we've confirmed a direct hit! Target eliminated!"

Onyx: "Wait. There's movement."

The Most Illiterate Person Alive: "Holy.

Fucking.

Shitfuck."

Panel 3: A front view of The Most Illiterate Person Alive, blood seeping out of the hole in the front of their face. They are framed in darkness and surrounded by a menacing red glow.

The Most Illiterate Person Alive: "I cannot believe"

The text color is inverted and changes to a more hostile font.

"You actually thought that you had any chance of killing me?"

End ID.]

Start - Previous - Next

[dungeonmastersconsortium]

things are getting WILD on far-right twitter

[purrvaire]

they're so in love im gonna throw up real quick

[platoapproved]

— And he hadn't told me. — I did, once. He didn't hear it.

[egophiliac]

DOGS

IN

SPACE

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[bubbarnes]

“... sebastian, look at me, look at me, this way.”

[bucket-of-amethyst]

Impulse finds out what good pussy sounds like stimboard ✨ 🧀 🐟 💕