#no pressure to do it ofc but yooo

[thrandilf]

Purposefully didn't choose anyone I have as an icon anywhere rn

Visual aids for those who want em:

Tagging @raayllum @imminent-danger-came @nelfes @its-leethee! Anyone else can do it too/tag me if you do I wanna See

[the-crow-binary]

Yooo a Devil Forgemaster Belmont would be so cool! Strong magic already flows in the Belmont veins thanks to Sypha, so it is possible that one of them would be born exceptionally powerful! Now I almost see him as a darker counterpart to Juste... oh, the drama of the demons calling him to Castlevania, but knowing that his fate is to destroy the one place where he could be accepted...

YES PRECISELY!!

And because i like IRONY, his name is Benedict. :3 A name wich means "blessed". :3 Isn't it perfect for a cursed child ? :3

I also want him to have sibling(s), and i think it would work better if he's the oldest: he would be the one with the responsability of wielding the whip, of continuing the family's legacy. He'd have all this pressure on his shoulder, expectations he will never be able to live up to because of his dark powers. Not that he doesn't want to do good and help the family... but its pretty hard to do when even the ancestral whip itself is against you. It burns his hand, he can't hold it :3

Actually, the moment where he would discover he can't touch the whip is THE moment that would forever change his life (for the worst, ofc). Because it's from then on that everyone in the Belmont clan started being highly wary of him. Started excluding him. Mind you, he was 10 years old. Its also at the same time that his mother was pregnant with her second child. Yeah it took the parents 10 years to make another one and thus for several reasons:

First is, the mother almost died giving birth the first time. She didn't quite wanted to do it again for a while. There was also this fear of the second child being as cursed as the first (they could feel right away that something wasn't right about Benedict). Then when they began trying for a second one, it didn't work for a long time, to the point they even started blaming Benedict because they thought his dark powers somehow made the mother unable to bare another child (listen its the grief talking here, people are not always reasonable :/). The mother also blamed herself at one point because she thought SHE was the cursed one, and she passed it on their child.

But anyway, she does end up pregnant so you imagine the JOY. But then the "whip incident" occurs, wich convince everyone that Benedict is lost and will become a big threat to the world in the future. The parents dont want to straight up abandon him, he's still a child after all... but they wont leave him alone with his sibling. They wont even let him TOUCH his sibling in fear he would somewhat taint them ?? Oh and yeah the sibling comes to life totally clean, wich was a deep relief to the whole family. But from Benedict's POV, it hurts a lot to see everyone so visibly happy that the newborn is nothing like him. Just... Aouch ?

SO THE YEARS PASSES and Benedict becomes really lonely. The environnement around him is pretty hostile now, he just doesn't feel like he fits in anymore (did he ever ?). He barely interacts with the little sibling, partially because his parents and the rest of the clan don't want him near the youngs, but also because he became convinced he was a monster. An error. Something that should have never seen the light of day and will cause great harm one day. Nonetheless, i can still imagine them having cute moments, like the young sibling going to secretly see their big bro who, even if he doesn't want them too close, still very obviously cares. Most his time, he passes reading and practicing his forbidden craft. It's the only thing he knows how to do, after all. The only thing that make him feel... warm. Everything else is cold to him. The Innocent Devils he creates became his only friends. But he does hunt night creatures from time to time, to show he can still do "good" things, hoping his family would consider him more... doesn't quite work.

And then, what was always meant to happen, happened: Demons from the Castle found him.

I think he would be around 17 at this point. Even though his dark powers always were really strong, the demons couldn't feel him yet because of the rest of the clan, acting like some kind of "camouflage" (even when Benedict would use his magic, it would be inside the family's home). But well, there's a limit to what the clan can hide.

So the whispers start. They're warm, and welcoming, or so they seem. They invite him to the Castle, they invite him to Dracula's side, we can even imagine that Dracula is (still) dead and they want him to bring him back to life. So Benedict is torned. On one hand, he has his family, his clan. Yeah they hate him, fear him, or are straight up disgusted by him, but they're blood, surely it should mean something ? And on the other hand... he has evil, and monsters, and everything his family stand firmly against. But it feels so, so right to go to them. To let go and stop trying to be someone, something he isn't... He would finally feel home.

LUCKILY FOR HIM, HE WONT HAVE TO MAKE THAT CHOICE. CUZ HIS FAMILY WILL DO IT FOR HIM !

Because after months of temptation, Benedict decides to go check the Castle for himself. Y'know, just to get a taste of what his life could be... so he sneak out and follow the demons into the unknown. He finds the ruins, and there's something deeply evil emanating from it. Some incredibly chilling cold aura that would make any normal folk run away in terror. But to Benedict, it felt so right to be standing there. He felt warmth. For the first time in forever, he felt like he belonged. And it made him feel immense guilt and shame. He really shouldn't be feeling so good in such a horrible place.

So he comes back home, still unsure of what to do... but what's waiting for him is his father, visibly unhappy. He saw him go out with demons and he knows where he went. Benedict tries to make him understand that he would never betray the clan, but it doesn't work. His dad then admit to him that the only reason why he was still alive, was because they couldn't kill a child. But now that Benedict is "a man", old enough to be fully conscious of his decisions (is he though?), he will feel less remorse. He doesn't have a choice, if he wants to protect everyone. And so he grabs the Vampire Killer.

You can imagine the violence of the fight that ensue, both physically and psychologically. But as much as Benedict didn't want this, and was hurting by the very idea of having to fight his own dad for survival, he still gave it his all. In the back of his mind, demons were still whispering things to him, encouragements, invitations... promises. He actually wins, and his father ends up at his mercy. Just one last blow, and he would be dead for good, but Benedict didn't do it. He couldn't. And anyway, before he could even mutter a word... It was his time to be on the ground. This time, it was the work of his mother, cuz of course she can fight. She's not alone though, because their fight woke everyone up, and they all came to see what is going on, hunter instincts obliges. So now Benedict is in a pretty bad situation, and he knows talking won't get him anywhere. They all decided his fate a long time ago, anyway... He thought about fighting again, about defending himself. He had the power to do so, he knew it. THEY weren't going to grant him mercy, so why should he ??

But then he saw his younger sibling, and how they ran to their injured father. He met with their teary eyes and saw the terror in them. And it broke him. So he fled, teleported away... back to the ruins of Dracula's Castle. He survived, but what was he supposed to do now ? He was to the only place that would accept him as he is, and it was nothing but ruins. Well... he did have the demons.

For the clan, there was just one thing left to do: erase everything about Benedict. Every proof he had ever been there. Never talk about him again. He doesn't exist anymore, not in their family tree, not in their hearts. New Belmont children would be born, and none of them would ever learn about the Belmont Devil Forgemaster... But Benedict's sibling never forgot about him. They even made it their personal quest to find him. Not to kill or hurt him in any way, they just... wanted to talk. And to go back to how things were beetween them.

And they would meet again, eventually... 👀

ANYWAY THERE'S MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH A DEVIL FORGEMASTER BELMONT (the drama potential inspires me very much) This is my story for Benedict for now but idk it might change a bit overtime, i'm also open to suggestions hehe (haven't put it here but i did think about what would happen after all that 👀)

[mythesque]

[people I want to get to know better] tagged by @goodmode yooo ty for the tag it made me smile :)

Last Song: …..…….the drusselstein driving test waltz from phineas and ferb. (listen it randomly popped in my head and is also a banger so like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ im livin my best life woop woop)

Last Show: uhhhhhhh oh god i really don’t watch shows much, most recent would be that animal documentary series on netflix

Currently Watching: like i said i don’t actually watch things much? i’m Very Bad at getting into new shows skjhfs oh wait can i say critical role campaign 3 does that count? well it counts now bc it’s the only thing i Regularly Watch lol

Currently Reading: to the surprise of Literally Nobody, i am indeed reading dracula, and i must say i’m quite enjoying this weird ass bookclub kdsjhs

tagging @oiks-tofu @nnotcharlottee @officialbogwitch @bewitchedbat @nessife @capriciousvisage @yamas-babe @hopipp @sunsiettia

no pressure ofc and if anyone else wants to do this and say i tagged u then feel free!

[wowtobio]

hi!! i’m not really good at requests bc i’m an anxiety filled person but i really want to see nishinoya, tsukishima, hinata, and kageyama’s reactions to a s/o with rbf (resting b* face)?? i have it and people always think i’m mad 😅 i hope i’m not pressuring you!

Nishinoya, Tsukishima, Hinata and Kageyama’s reactions to an s/o w/ rbf 

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

a/n yooo i have rbf too and i get the same reactions hahaaa. and don’t be scared im open to anything 🥺 thank you for being so sweet! :) i hope u like it

Nishinoya

Alright alright so his first impressions of you he would probably come to a conclusion that you’re super cool, stoic, aloof, yanno that whole thing. 

You probably remind him of Kiyoko, so effortlessly pretty yet so cold to the touch so he’ll be very attracted to you.

Noya probably doesn’t have a clue of what rbf is so he’ll be very confused when he tried to approach you at first and your face completely morphs into a more expressive one. 

At one point you probably had to explain what rbf was to him because of the amount of confused expressions he shoots your way when he catches your attention. 

And Noya’s just like ohhhh whaaaaa- but he totally gets it don’t worry. 

It lowkey might mess with his perception of people. He’ll walk by someone who looks absolutely miserable and he’ll just be like “probs just that cbf thingy (y/n)-chan told me about” 

Poor Tsukishima, Nishinoya would just tackle him on the daily because he disregards his scowl and thinks everything will be a-okay. 

OK back to you

Noya would definitely pop out of nowhere in the halls and make it his mission to make you grin. And it never fails ofc 

“(Y/n)-chan! You should walk around with a smile more hehe”

Tsukishima

Tsukishima generally walks around with rbf as well so he gets the same reactions and comments as you do.

Only difference is he never really changes his facial expressions like you do upon interacting with people. 

He probably doesn’t even think much of it tbh. 

But once y’all get closer and it has been confirmed you have rbf he would occasionally tease you about it. 

“If you continue resting your face like that you’ll get wrinkles much faster”

He doesn’t mean it ofc he’s Tsukishima, he just loves seeing your cute reactions from it yanno

Pinches your cheeks upwards when your resting your face around him in private while snickering. 

I can imagine that if anyone were to pick on you because of your resting face he would bluntly tell the other person to piss off. 

Haha he’s like only I can pick on (y/n) like that awwh

All in all, I think deep down he loves seeing your facial expression light up. Tsuki thinks it’s absolutely adorable, but he would never admit aloud to you of course.

Hinata

He would lowkey be sooo scared of you awwh

Probably thought “ah kageyama 2.0″ 

But then when he realizes you have another side to you he can’t help but feel confused??? Yet so?? Attracted to you???

Opens up to you immediately and you both just click it’s almost adorable. 

The more he’s around you, the more he’s used to it. Like spending time with Kageyama. 

For a bit though, he couldn’t help but be like “oh shoot is she mad at me again??” upon approaching you. 

If you explain rbf to him he would nooot get the concept at all haha. Like he doesn’t understand his mindset would be like just why not just walk around with a smile???

I feel like you can’t help but smile whenever Hinata comes up to you whether he tries to or not. 

His energy is just 🥰🥰🥰

And Hina just enjoys seeing your expression morph into a happier one, he will be 10x more happy if that’s even possible ;;;

Kageyama

Okay it is canon that Kageyama walks around with a scary/rbf soo he’s in the same boat as you. 

It would be cute, you two cross paths wearing the same scowl and it’s just like this connection

“oh my gosh i think they get it”

Mister i was born with this face wouldn’t really care at the fact that you have rbf. He would still approach you whether you had a smile on your face or nah with no thought about it

Could totally see y’all in private, cuddling and just rambling about certain stories of people pointing out your guys’ rbfs hehe 

You and Kageyama would be known as the grumpy couple lmao, people would feel intimidated with just you two walking hand in hand in the halls.

it’s mostly kageyama’s intense aura dw

But it’s all good in the end, less people would dare cross paths with you and your boyfriend so it’s safe to say it is a very peaceful relationship

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

masterlist

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[kolbiewa]

Yooo how you doing?💖💖💖 I wanted to say I really love your work and content, it makes me genuinely happy and you’re doing a great work!! I look forward to seeing more of ur doodles and art! No pressure ofc! I just think you’re neat 💕💖

aww thank you very much💖💖💖

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[blademaster-banryu]

yooo I got tagged by @gladihoes​ in another thing.

Rules: Answer all the questions, add one of your own, then tag as many people as there are questions. (we’ll see if I even know that many people lol ;;; )

I tag: @juakianako @tamqtran @buccura @tacorosso @alagaesha @biryu13 @hornedfreak @noctuart @thetictactician @awkwardklutz 

NOTE: DON’T GOTTA RESPOND IF YOU DON’T WANNA. No pressure y’all

1. Coke or Pepsi? Ehh, both.  2. Disney or Dreamworks? Tough call but Dreamworks DID make HtTYD. 3. Coffee or tea? I hate coffee so tea all the way lol 4. Books or movies? Ahhh... I love both... books tho 5. Windows or Mac? Windows, I say, typing this on a mac xwx 6. DC or Marvel? Oh hell I honestly can’t choose. I really like them both... 7. XBox or Playstation? PlayStation. Even though I’ve played more Xbox I’ve also had more bad experiences with it lol... 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect? Mass Effect :D 9. Night owl or early riser? Depends honestly... I tend toward Night Owl I think tho 10. Cards or chess? shit I dunno. I like chess but I think I’m better at cards lol 11. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla. =3= might be boring, but s’good 12. Vans or Converse? Ahh vans I guess. 13.  Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar? ....???? 14. Fluff or angst? I like both but prefer fluff honestly .3. 15. Beach or forest? forest :D 16. Dogs or cats? Both? Same? (actually having a cat for a while but no dog has probably made me into more of a cat person.... I def don’t hate either tho) 17. Clear skies or rain? Clear Skies. 18. Cooking or eating out? ahhh cooking is fun but it’ll never be as good as food bought out ;; (assuming you get a good place ofc) 19. Spicy food or mild food? man I LIKE spicy... but spicy doesn’t like me... ;; 20.  Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas? HALLOWEEN 21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? hot probably 22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Telekinesis .w. 23. Animation or live-action? Animation. 24. Paragon or renegade? Paragon probably lol. 25. Baths or showers? Showers. 26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man? which one had Spider-man again?? 27. Fantasy or sci-fi? Both plz (together if possible lol) 28. ¾ favorite quotations? ........?? 29. YouTube or Netflix? Youtube... don’t watch netflix that much 30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? HP yooooo Percy needs to go back to preschool 31. When do you feel accomplished? When I don’t just stare at a wall all day. <- Y’know Raeven said this too but Imma go with same. Whether it’s getting out and doing business or just making something I tend to feel pretty good about myself. 32. Star Wars or Star Trek? Star Wars. 33. Paperback books or hardback books? Paperbacks are easier but hardbacks are nice.... so.... both I guess...?? 34. Writing or typing? Typing. 35. Velvet or satin? shrug?  36. Video games or movies? Video games f’sho 37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon? oh be the dragon definitely. EITHER WOULD BE GREAT THOUGH 38. Would you rather learn Chinese or learn Spanish? Technically I already know some spanish, but I’d like to have a better grasp on it so prob still that. 39. If you could spend one day with one famous person, who would you choose and what would you do? Shit dude I dunno. Probably one of the goofy youtubers I watch and play + talk about video games lol. 40. What’s your favorite game? Okay so even though I like games this is actually really hard lol. FFCC, Fire Emblem 7, Paper Mario 1/2, and Monster Hunter are all strong contenders in that regard but I’ve always had trouble picking my TOP top favorite. 41. If you could change one thing about your past, what would you change? I’d want to know more about what I was talking about regarding certain things for the sake of being nicer to my wife while we were dating long-distance... 42. Who is the person who can melt your loins into butter. It can be a famous person or fictional character. HAHA WELL my wife is my go-to answer here... but since she’s technically neither fictional or famous... well... I guess Camilla from Fire Emblem is a good secondary option ;;;;; 43. What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekends? IDK man play more games than usual I guess? 44. What was the last picture you took with your phone? screenshots of Fire Emblem Heroes to make a joke lol 45. What’s one thing you love about yourself? love is a strong word. But uh. Being able to make people laugh (whether intentional or otherwise) is nice. When it happens anyway

my question: 

46. Name a character you love to hate. I’ll name several! The Yiga from BotW, Narcian from FE6, and Brachydios from Monster Hunter.