#no one will probs notice. im not redoing these

[polylabs]

2x14

[s0lar-ch3ri]

out of context things for a fic im reading (its from my mutual, and i might update my unfinished oneshot for gill after...and do a big oneshot seperation lol)

fic link for people who havent read it yet GO DO THAT NOW EVEN IF YOUVE ALREADY READ IT REREAD IT AND COMPLIMENT IT THIS IS ALL ABOUT CHAPTER 5

im adding "This letter is filled with glitter. If you open it you will be too." in some way shape or form into my vocab its beautiful

i honestly thought that jay was gonna say gill and OH MY GOD THATD BE SO FUNNY AND KINDA ANGSTY IF DONE IN A CERTIAN WAY LOL

(honestly kinda a fic idea there: ava gets help from lizzie as they learn lizzies brother [chip] believes that gillion likes ava or smth. i wanna see the siblings helping their siblings come together)

...oh the heart refs are starting

"He did. She screamed." pure comedy imo

"He kind of liked that idea, he needed more mean girl friends (one can never have too many)." SCREAMING MUTUAL YOU KNOW THE LESBIANS SO WELL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

...mutual. im not your mother father or parent i wanna put you in timeout AHHHH WHY THESE REFS

mutual. hey. you dont need to remind us. you can let us be happy.

i wonder what the title of the fic means btw

as someone who calls their friend pookie, MISS FERIN DIDNT FUCKING STUTTER

"Stress shouldn’t be real, it was stupid." PREACH!

OH MY GOD HE SAID THAT BEFORE THE KISS HES SO GAY YOUR HONOR GAY AS HELL

FUCK ME I CAN IMAGINE GILLS VOICE SAYING THAT HANG ON IF I DO AN OUT LOUD IMPRESSION...

fuck it is as riduclous as it appears

bro jay and ensa have had a "they/them pussy" moment together and i see it thats the fucking look on their faces good for them

OH. I SEE. GAY "SEX" THEN DEATH. FUCK

he found his kid got a bitch and was so shocked and happy he fucking died

"But then again, maybe he deserved it." chip babygirl you make no sense

wait chips 17 here. 2 years away from being 19. the canon age. oh nononononononono

hey. anybody else notice a pretty big character of chips past hasnt been brought up yet? like, fucking price. the guy thats believed to have mistreated chip. the guy who made chip kill a man. MUTUAL WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING.

okay so i have a theory. my mutual doesnt plan on giving chip a break, hes just lost his dad unknowingly how, hes currently 17, and price hasnt been mentioned ONCE. characters act pretty similar to canon, including how theyve been mistreated in a sense (seen by the elders). the title (You'll Forget (It's Not Your Fault)) doesnt seem any good.

my theory? following the canon idea that chip has been through so much he easily forgot about kenta and his nightmare shit, chips gonna be dealing with price, and i dont think its gonna be just for a couple months. price is behind arlins shit, and price gonna make chip think this shit is all his fault.

oh nvm checked tags REDO THEORY

minor character death probs means you know who if you read it i dont wanna say it cause big spioier uhhhh READ IT OKAY IM SAYING IT NOW arlin, but from the beginning its had memory loss (how i didnt notice this before is beyond me) so im thinking its caused by like bad shit that happens (price is going to fuck with him more and ill sob) and hes blaming himself for it cause he thinks all thats happening including the memory loss is because hes doing shit wrong

(from what i know, depression and shit can cause memory loss BUT im not sure ill be back with results tmr on this so until then REBLOGS OFF)

check my mutual out or ill llegally have to eat you (on tumblr @red-might-be-dead)

[batterygarden]

announcement

tl;dr: coming out of hiatus & completely changing da blog

hello, i am hoping to post writing on tumblr again! i haven't used this blog in what feels like ages and was on here so sparingly when i still was, so i'm not even sure who's stuck around to witness this lol. but i wanna start putting works on tumblr again,,, the thing is i hope to start fresh and redo my blog. i um. actually tried making a new blog almost a month ago but it literally never worked! neither my tags nor reblogs were functioning even after trying to email help / troubleshoot 😭 i think tumblr is dying and upon doing research its simply hard to make a brand new blog rn w all the bots... idk but i decided it's just easier to recycle this one idrc anyways. so yeah, i'm not going to delete stuff but i AM going to change my url, pseud, navi, theme, etc. im not hoping for boosts of this also, im cool w being sneaky / losing followers. if no one notices this that is also very okay i've kept pretty indie w it lol.

anyways with the blog change, i hope to add some new fandoms to my roster and probs post more dc as well, namely more taboo dynamics like incest. unfollow me if ur not into it, no hard feelings. i hope to get crazy organized this time around hehe! i'll even make a little about me post in navi if anyone wants to poke around. sending soooo much luv okay bye

[suckishima]

I was looking at your header and I noticed how TALL kageyama is. Was he always taller than yamaguchi and that close to tsukki or is it just third year him? I'm anime only so I probs just didn't notice lol

He IS a lot taller in that panel loll. Where the anime is right now, he’s 181.9 cm and Yamaguchi is 180.0 cm exactly, so Kageyama has always been a biiit taller than him - which I think a lot of people forget too that Yamaguchi is actually one of the tallest players on the team (on avg tho Karasuno is a pretty short team compared to all the other schools)

But yeah that panel is of them in their third year and even though we don’t have stats for them from that year, it’s safe to say they’ve all grown a bit and that Kageyama is definitely more than just two centimeters taller than Yamaguchi now!

(alsoooo you mentioning my header reminds me that im working on redoing it rn bc i’ve gotten a lot better at coloring since i made it and i need to get back to that loool)

[ravenaveira]

Ok, time for my review of Kh3 Re:Mind Dlc

This is gonna be long, so be prepared, and yes there will be many spoilers so if you dont want spoilers of the game then you probably shouldnt read this, but if you dont care then stick around.

I will start off with my unbiased and critical opinion.

From the title menu alone you already know what this game is gonna be about. Kairi is gonna be center focus, or should say specifically Sokai, and Riku will be virtually non existent.

Now I know what your thinking, well duh its all about saving Kairi of course Riku wont have that big a role and she’ll be the main focus, and to that I say no shit sherlock I already knew that. My issue isnt that it was Kairi focused because I already knew that and still pre-ordered the DLC, but my issue is what this title screen represents and my fears were proven correct.

Let me elaborate

Riku is just as much of a friend to Sora as Kairi is, from the beginning of the series its always been Sora, Riku, and Kairi, thats the way its ALWASY been. But from this title screen I could tell Riku’s bond with them wasnt gonna be present at all and I was right.

I’ll elaborate further

I know Im jumping way ahead here but bare with me, at the end of the game after Sora rescues Kairi they travel the worlds together, Sora notices he is fading away which is why he goes to the many different worlds he has visited but now with Kairi, spending his final moments with her before he finally disapears.

See the problem? Sora doesnt involve Riku at all in his final moments being alive, he is just completely absent during his entire remaining life. Sora only spends time with Kairi during his final moments, Riku wasnt shown with them once.

I know some people say well we dont know how long Sora was alive before vanishing and he was probably the one who organized the party, but did we see that though? did we see any signs that Sora was alive for more than a day or two? did we see Sora talking to anyone like he was setting anything up? NO, it was all about Kairi and Riku was completely forgotten.

I can understand if Sora wasnt dying then it wouldnt matter how much time he spends with Kairi alone, but Sora was fading away ANY SECOND and he didnt spend any of his remaining time with Riku at all, even at the beach party who is Sora sitting next to alone with before he finally vanishes? Kairi. That is inexcusable and a huge insult to Riku and his bond with Sora, hes just completely excluded, that is unforgivable.

These new added scenes to the ending actually made it worse than the original version of it, before we didnt even know Sora was around for more than a day and just assumed they all had a beach party afterwards to celebrate getting everyone back and saving the world, but now we know Sora was actually around for an extended period of time and made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Kairi, not even his best friend Riku did he spend time with for his final hours, that is despicable.

Another major issue is how Sora keeps saying his journey started with losing Kairi in this game, as if Riku wasnt ALSO lost that day, as if Riku wasnt the reason Sora kept on his journey even after saving Kairi and sending her back to Destiny Islands, as if he didnt fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out finally reuniting with him, as if he wasnt content with spending the rest of his life trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Riku, as if for the entirety of the base game of kh3 Sora wasnt constantly and only thinking about Riku and how many things he wished he could show him.

Apparently in Remind none of that happened, none of that mattered, it was Kairi that was his main motivation, it was Kairi that started his journey, Riku wasnt involved in it at all.

That is a huge issue with this DLC, it treats Riku like a side character and of little importance to Sora, in the base game they handled them fine minus that on instance in the Keyblade Graveyard where Sora says ‘Alone, Im worthless’ even though Riku’s right there but other than that their relationship and bond was handled very well but in Remind? practically non existent.

Now onto the story aspect, if your not into time travel and have trouble understanding the many variations of it then your gonna have a bad time because it gets VERY confusing to follow, which is why you should never introduce time travel because it becomes way too complicated to keep track of and not only that you also have to worry about things like paradoxes, ripples in time, alternate timelines etc. Its a complete clusterfuck to keep up with and manage so time travel really shouldnt have been introduced in this series.

Chirithy tells Sora that no matter what he cant change the past again, yet there are times where Sora does just that so exactly what cant he change? for example, when Roxas appears he asks Sora to do him a favor which is essentially getting the X back from Xemnas in their names. Sora does several things to make this happen and even Kairi gets a couple swings at Xemnas this time but then the two of them are basically caught and restrained inside shadow balls [pause]

See the prob? this is a huge change to that fight, Kairi never took a single swing at Xemnas, she just stood there and got snatched up, Roxas never asked Sora for help getting the X’s back from Xemnas, and Sora and Kairi never got restrained by Xemnas and knocked out.

Chirithy explicitly said Sora cant change what happened and no matter what he has to accept it for what it is, yet here he is, changing what happened. Maybe you could argue well this is an alternate timeline, even if it is that makes all of this irrelevant and means it never happened because the true ending is the one where it didnt happen, making this semi useful Kairi moment really pointless because at the end of the day its not canon, her being useless is the true outcome, none of this matters.

That is extremely disappointing, so even if you alter the past for the better it doesnt matter because its an alternate timeline and that timeline isnt the real one making this whole redo pointless and time consuming for a short DLC that was an extra 30$ to play.

So the time travel is very confusing and even if you follow it, it ends up being very disappointing when you realize none of it matters.

Moving on to some of the tied loose ends, Im glad they explained why Aqua froze up after saying ‘We stand together’ and I like how we get to see how Young Xehanort came to have the beliefs that lead to what he did and also MOMs subtle influence on him succumbing to darkness.

He told Xehanort that he would outgrow the robe and no longer need it because if he was truly powerful then he’d be the one controling the darkness, this leads to Xehanort later begining to travel without the robe and being corrupted. So we know now that MOM also influenced that as well and is very sketchy, even more now than he was before since this action greatly influenced what Xehanort eventually does and all the pain he caused, all of which would have probably never happened if it wasnt for him.

But thats just my theory and what I got from it.

I liked that we got to see Namine for a brief moment where Sora basically brushes her off and completely forgets about thanking her, this is a plotline Im pretty sure at this point is just never going to get resolved. He just tells her to go to the Final World and walks off, which makes no sense because Sora was surprised to see her in the original playthrough.

Another change was Lingering Will dying to protect Sora, again this never happened because Sora was busy fighting alongside everyone in the maze while Lingering Will and Terranort were fighting away from them. After Lingering Will died for him then Sora is pretty much squeezed to death by Terranorts Stand, or atleast knocked unconscious.

So much about these are just so confusing as to how they are happening when Chirithy said the events couldnt be changed I just stopped questioning it.

But atleast this time its made clear that Namine is the one who sent Lingering Will to help everyone and how she did it, so now people can stop saying Kairi is the reason everyone survived because it wasnt, without Lingering Will they would have all died a second time.

Basically the first half of the DLC is just recap with some minor changes and additions to the cutscenes, you get to play as other characters like Riku [optional] Aqua [not optional] and Roxas [optional] but other than that its basically the same thing all over again for the first 3-4 hours of the DLC, that is ridiculous.

The new content finally starts when Kairi is shattered, funny how the game gets good after Kairi dies xD I’ll stop.

Anyway once Kairi dies is when we finally get explorable Scala, but not without having to endure an insane fight with tons of heartless and nobodies and yes its more complicated than you think. It doesnt matter how many heartless or nobodies you kill, they will keep coming until you kill this one red heartless with way more health than your average heartless has.

After that you can pretty much wander around Scala as you wish and this is the only time where you can buy items or food so make sure to do that if your low on items. If your low on money there are minor enemies there that you can kill to get some so take advantage of this opportunity because your not getting another one.

Your goal in Scala is to basically run around, solve a couple puzzles, and get 5 of Kairi’s heart shards, revealed to having to be 7 later on. Sound fun? besides being able to see more of Scala’s layout, not really. But its a good place to take a breather before getting back into the big battles ahead.

Unfortunately your actually forced to fight the armored organization again but thankfully you dont have to do the ENTIRE final battle over, just that one section which I appreciate but wish we didnt have to do any of it at all.

So after we’re done Scala we get in MY opinion the two best parts of the entire DLC. We get to see what was going on with the rest of the keyblade wielders back home and it was INSANE and extremely well done, everybody had a chance to shine.

When everyone was swept away and Mickey was down and out, it was amazing seeing Mickey push himself back up and slowly with what little strength he had take on all the armor organization BY HIMSELF severely weakened, yet still powerful enough to hold them off and stand his ground. He really showed us WHY he is the King, so THAT I really enjoyed. It was extremely well done and one of the most memorable parts of the DLC.

The next part was even more insane and well done, which is us getting to fight as all the keyblade wielders against the armored organization and even get some cool dialog and team attacks in between, it was just amazingly well done seeing everyone work together and switching between characters was just so epic and enjoyable.

Honestly I could play those two parts over and over again and enjoy it everytime, their just that good and the most memorable in the entire DLC.

Coming back with Kairi and killing Xehanort together with all the keyblade wielders including Kairi this time was satisfying to see but it excludes Xehanorts and Eraquses final words, I mean yea seeing Xehanort have a semi happy ending put off alot of people but at the same time, seeing Xehanort come to the realization that he was wrong about everything and giving the Wayfinder trio closure by seeing their master one last time and hearing his apology to them just held more weight to me.

Im not saying I think Xehanort should be redeemed as easily as he was, but I feel like excluding Eraqus and their final words made the ending feel hollow, just ok we beat the bad guy, happily ever after now. Thats pretty lackluster and unsatisfying In my opinion.

Finally the ending....

Heres where Im gonna be biased and give my personal thoughts. Warning if your a fan of Kairi skip to the very end of the review where I give my overall rating

I hate the ending, for the reasons I listed in the beginning but also many others. I get the main focus was gonna be Kairi since the DLC was about saving her, Im not mad about the obvious, Im mad about the execution.

The Sokai agenda was so forced and apparent its not even funny, they shove it in your face so hard yet when Sora is talking with Chirithy he still refers to Kairi as a friend, really? your shoving this pairing down our throats just to have Sora still friendzone her? Im not mad because I dont want them together anyway but I hate the games being played here, you either want them together or you dont, pick a friggin side Nomura.

And while we’re on the subject, I hate, HATE, how this game is so heavily romance focused when Kingdom Hearts was NEVER about romance to begin with, it was always about friendship and bonds. Not in this DLC though, no now its all about Kairi and being with her forever, traveling the world together, holding hands, all this lovey dovey nonsense nobody invested in the plot could give a rats behind about.

Sure people who are into Kingdom Hearts for the romance of course they dont mind, but Im pretty sure MOST people invested in this series are in it for the story, not some stupid pairing, and I HATE how much they shove it down your throat because it is just so forced and obvious what they were doing.

This was all damage control for Kairi, who has been a useless damsel in distress and dues ex machina in every single game shes been a part of. I repeat, EVERY SINGLE GAME SHES A PART OF.

Kh1 - Kidnapped, unconscious, Sora needs to die to save her.

Kh2 - Kidnapped, held hostage, Sora needs to find and save her.

Kh3 - Kidnapped, unconscious, is killed twice, Sora needs to die to save her.

Do you see what I fricken mean? Every fuckin game its the same danm thing over and over and quite frankly Im sick of it. You might as well say this is a Mario game because Kairi is princess Peach always gettin snatched up and Sora is Mario always going through insanely deadly trials to get her back, and then it happens all over again.

This DLC was damage control for that, instead of immediately getting snatched up by Xemnas she actually gets a few good swipes at him to no avail of course, and then she fights together with Sora against armored Xehanort, all of which is just damage control for her not doing anything in the entire franchise and pandering to her fanbase that are constantly screeching for playable Kairi and for her to do something.

It was also damage control for how non existent their relationship was and what a joke its been since Kh1. They arent fooling anybody because thats exactly what this was, otherwise why you have to try so hard to CONVINCE us how important she was to Sora? why did Riku have to get sidelined so much just to boost Kairi up? why’d Sora completely disregard Riku as a part of his journey? why did Sora not spend ANY time with ANYONE for his final moments alive? its so obvious why. The only way to convince anyone shes actually important and relevant is to play down everyone else or exclude them entirely.

Congratulations, you got your wish, good for you fandom, but at what cost?

The time they spent forcing so much Sokai could have been used to tie up way more loose ends than there were but nope, gotta squeeze in that Sokai, thats what yall really here for right? fuck off.

The two best moments of the game was so short lived its not even funny, this DLC was full of so much padding in the first half, forced romance and pandering for damage control they forgot to actually make this a decent DLC.

Since I recorded my gameplay from start to finish I can actually tell you the amount of old content vs the new

3-4 hours of mostly what we already seen with a few changes, I only died twice

1-2 hours of new content, probably less because I got lost and died alot

That is unacceptable, 30$ for only 10% new content? that is a robbery.

Not only that but the worst part is the Limitcut episode, databattles have always been optional for competative players who like the challenge. Now you are FORCED to fight these INSANELY hard bosses, all 13 in order to get the final bits of the aftermath of the story.

WE PAID FOR THIS, this wasnt free we PAID for it and yet we’re basically told ‘Hey if your a casual player and want the rest of the story? well you gotta fight 13 of these insanely hard databattles that used to be optional but now their madatory for you to get the rest of your moneys worth. Too difficult? cant do it? well too danm bad, get good or go home we got your money already so screw you guess you’ll never know’

That is a fucking robbery and a huge slap in the face to people who are invested in the story, not proving their the best by fighting insanely difficult battles no matter what difficulty your on. It wouldnt be an issue if this was always the case, but these battles were always OPTIONAL for competetive players to do if they WANTED to, but now its mandatory and if you cant do it then oh well middle finger to you.

I couldnt even beat Vanitas, I fought him first and then Luxord and I couldnt beat either of them so I just said fuck it and went on youtube to see what I paid to see for free. 30$ wasted on a game I cant even finish, your out of your fucking mind if you think thats fair and excusable.

Thats why at the end of the day I give it a 5/10, its not good but its not bad either, its just decent. But if you asked me if it is worth the time and money? fuck no, my advice? watch other youtubers play it and keep your 30$

If you want it just to play as some of the characters, experience the new content for yourself, and play the databattles then by all means get it.

But if you think thats not enough for you to spend 30$ for then dont get it.

Overall Re:mind gets a 5/10, useless padding for majority of the first half of things we’ve already seen and cant skip because theres new scenes mixed in, forced romance that nobody but shippers care to see, severely lacking new content, and unfair extremely hard mandatory databattles just to see the final aftermath of the story which is kind of important setup for the next game.

Fuck this DLC, this was my fist time EVER buying a DLC for ANYTHING and thanks to this its probably my last. So thank you Re:Mind, for ReMinding me why I never bought DLCs in the first place.

Ps - Im so glad playable Kairi was optional, thats one of the only things this DLC did right.

[elliot-orion]

An Overdue Writing Update 8/9/19

Word Count (today): 8427

Favorite Line: “Do you hate me?” I wonder. “Just curious.” “I hate this you. This awful person you became once Sophie left. I actually really liked the you I saw with her.” Grace sighs. She sounds… sad. “How funny. I’m the same way.”

(the month overdue) Update: So we’ve hit writing well over 5000 today so that means i need to stop writing, which also means i’ve been bored as heck for the past three hours with nothing to do because all i want is to KEEP WRITING DFSGHFKJLGH so i thought i’d pop back to tumblr and catch yall up since i’ve been absent for exactly a month, funnily. Its under a read more because... long...

In this month, I’ve written... 38k words for this rewrite of a story i discontinued years ago because it fucking sucked (obviously, i wrote it when i was 12 for gods sake). Its just hit the Finale where i left it, but i’m intending to leave it there because i dont like the Finale i’ve set up and intend to change it completely in the rewrite ANYWAYS, so who cares right? Since ive been doing rewrites and comparing them to how i do first drafts, i’ve been noticing that my first drafts have shit pacing (i mean obvi it’s a first draft), but that turns into underwriting like fuck, aka ending at 40k-50k words. Sparks Fly T1 was barely over 50k, T3 ended at 62k, and i intend to do a T4 at some point too, where i expect it’ll get even longer. So ive actually been putting less pressure on myself to get pacing and length and whatnot right in the first draft, and really just getting the idea and general plot. Which, okay, i know is what you are SUPPOSED to do in first drafts and this isnt any big revelation, but you need to realize, i haven’t rewritten anything in the past 9 years of writing until Take 3 of sparks fly (T2 didn’t get past 20k words, but im counting it as an attempt). For 9 years of writing novels, i did my best to get draft one PERFECT because i knew i wouldnt redo it, and i think that caused a lot of my unfinished wip actually. Too much pressure. Now that i know i CAN do rewrites if its worth it, its not as big a pressure.

So because of this realization, I finished the rewrite of the old thing, which im considering its first take(idk why i call them Takes, not Drafts? idk its just a thing i do). i’m changing the title, most of the characters are massively changed, the plot is entirely scrapped and redone, like it’s just a new story now with vague inspiration from that old thing at this point. It’s shit, it’s not good, but it’s done (mostly, again didn’t do the end bc it’s being overhauled anyways and i can’t find a way to change the ending that draft has set up without rewriting it all so. shrug. might do it anyways, prob wont). I’m also starting something new in the DHU universe that i cant say anything about, but i think i started it like, two scenes after it probably should start, the pacing is truly terrible, but im having a ball because im not putting any pressure on myself to do those right, i’m just exploring the characters and piecing together the plot. It’ll probably wind up being around 30k, but hopefully its more. So this story is going great, and i’m really happy i figured this out about myself. Finishing rewriting Sparks Fly was honestly the biggest achievement i’ve ever made in writing, and i’m so proud of it, and just. I’m so glad i did it, because it’s just made things so much better for me, simply because i proved i can do it. It might take a few years breathing room, but i can do it. Any just... yea.

So that’s what i’ve been up to this past month basically. The redo of the thing from when i was twelve, and this new project i can’t say anything about yet. Oh, also a shitty fanfic or two. I won’t be coming back to tumblr except very sporadically to make an update or say hi to someone, by the way. It’s been so amazing for my mental health to be off here, and my writing productivity has gotten much better to, and... yea. I have a discord though, so if you want to keep in touch with me, that’ll be the way to go! just shoot me a message and when i see it, i’ll give you my username. ^^

[tumortunes]

aya

i've been thinking that i should get more involved in aya stuff and address my own issues surrounding my cancer. i've really been pushing aside feelings and not making the time or space to reflect on it. it's really easy for me to do. i have lots of friends and tv and books to fill my time with. it's much easier to get lost in a story than in my real life. but maybe i shouldn't. it's probs not good in the long run.

idk if im ready to go back to therapy yet. but i was thinking i could start to journal and self reflect more as an alternative.

im also signing up for more aya things. some webinars, yoga, writing prompts.

everyone keeps saying it's good to build a network of people who are aya and can truly understand what you're going thru. i guess. idk. i kinda shout my issues into the void of the internet and get it out that way. but i think writing a real article and getting it posted/published in elephants and tea would be cool.

i've been reading more elephants and tea stories and there are always a few themes that i dont/cant relate to. the main thing is finding a new normal. what's wrong with my old normal. i loved my old normal. and im kinda back at it. with some limitations but those are gonna be gone really soon. it's just meds and follow up appointments. not being in crowded places and stuff. it's not crazy different from what my life used to be like. plus i respawned back to stanford right at Q1 so it's like im redoing last year. i feel very normal too. no symptoms plaguing me. maybe just fatigue and tbh who isn't tired. i donno. i just dont think that i need a new normal. my normal is just fine the way it is.

one of the things that i was really missing that i used to love doing a lot is shopping a westfield valley fair. i looooooved that mall. and it was so fun to go there to decompress after work. i liked shopping for new clothes or just window shopping, walking around, getting a salted pretzel, going to the movies by myself. it was like my therapy. i loved going to the mall alone with my headphones in. and this weekend nathan took me there! it was different than before bc now the construction is done and they make you pay for parking. but the mall is soooooo nice. i still get lost even tho i would go there all the time. there's new shops too. but my all time fav has always and will forever be cotton on. i've been looking at people creating capsule wardrobes of staple basic classic things that they can easily combine with other items in their closet and i realized that i dont have that. but i want to! so i hella splurged. i made a list of the ideal items i wanted and what stores i wanted to hit. everyone loves artizia so i wanted to go there too. but i ended up finding all of the pieces that i wanted at cotton on and a&f. it was wild. when i got home i took out some clothes that i would donate to make room for my new stuff. and the pieces that really stuck around were other shirts and jeans that i got from cotton on in the past. it's really been a great store for me. their jeans are always a great length. their shirts are super soft and slim. i feel confident in their stuff. i usually dont shop at a&f but tiktok has been talking about nonstop. so i went and they had some good items too. i finally got some beige trousers! and a stain black dress. im very excited to wear these.

one thing that i want to do but i know i cant yet is go to more concerts/raves. i wanna dress up and look hot and feel care free and young and enjoy time with my friends. a list:

-portola fest sf -cochella -hard summer -vegas -outside lands -lollapaloozaa

i'll try out the journaling more and also the aya events. maybe i'll like it.

gonna try and do more of courtney does too:

let my self feel > notice how im feeling > ID what is causing those feelings

[galaxy-of-hair]

hmm woke up w a big ass scratch on my elbow, and im not sure how it got there

it coulda been (a) me, but my nails are bit to the quick, and ive never done such a thing in 28 years, so no (b) kevin, but very unlikely, his nails are long enough to do it but my elbow is very small in terms of a target, like the chances of an accidental scratching of that depth in that spot are pretty small, and again, while he does throw elbows at me w some regularity, he's never scratched me before (c) me, but not really me, ya know? (d) some kinda spirit related thing? either a warning from something benevolent abt something malevolent or just straight up an attack from something malevolent?

idk ive been noticing weird shit around my bedside table, i think my nightmare jar needs a cleansing and i know my house is due for one and my wards probably need redoing, and ive been doing really well lately so that's reason enough for them to attack me, theyve probs been waiting for an opening and now they have one bc its hard for me to keep up on my mundane chores much less my magical/spiritual ones

anyways i guess ill see, ill do a cleansing/warding and keep an eye in things