#no one understands. how bad this is for me. did i force myself to forget this scene

[midatwrtr]

Turn back time

LE SSERAFIM Sakura x Male Reader

6.6k words

Credits

Tags: Fluff & Smut

It was a chilly night of spring when you met Sakura. You were coming home from a late shift and she was sitting in front of your apartment. Your boss decided to abuse his position again by forcing you to work overtime, using some loophole in your contract as an excuse. You didn’t recognize her at first in the dark, she simply looked like a drunk teenager.

You could have ignored her, walked right past her, and everything would have been alright, but somehow, you didn’t. 

“Hey, are you okay?” you asked her, walking closer. She was wearing a pleaded shirt and jeans, while she used a black cap and black mask to cover her face. You made sure not to get too close, she was still a stranger, who knew what she had under her shirt. 

“Mh? What?” she replied with a surprisingly clear voice.

“Oh, I was just checking if you were okay,” you said carefully. “I mean, you’re sitting here alone, in the middle of nowhere…”

“You’re right, it doesn’t look very good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you answered. “So? Did you drink or something?”

“Oh, no, I didn’t have anything,” she said, mortified. “I was just having…” she sighed. “A bad day. That’s all.”

"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked, the words coming out almost instinctively. You weren't particularly interested, but you understood that she needed someone that listened to her. It was more about offering her a chance to vent than satisfying your own curiosity.

The girl stared at you for a second, dumbfounded.

“I don’t have anything to do tonight anyways,” you added in case she felt guilty.

She thought about it for a second. It was a bit personal but after all, it wasn’t a bad idea. She didn’t even know your name and you didn’t know hers. For all she knew, you were a stranger she could have met on the internet behind an actor’s photo. What were the chances that she’d meet you again? 

“Well…” she started. You crouched down and sat next to her. You could see the moon peaking through the darkened clouds.

“You know, it’s been a rough day,” she said. “It seems like no matter what I do, people always have something to say.”

“Mh, I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes it does feel like that.”

“Exactly,” she sighed deeply and then she straightened her back. “You know, it’s just so frustrating!” she growled, tensing her hands. “I’ve been doing this for years, and still, there’s always someone saying I’m not doing it right. It’s like they don’t even see how hard I work!”

“That sounds really tough,” you agreed. “People can be so quick to judge.”

“Exactly! They don't see the long hours I put in, the constant pressure to be perfect. They just hear one thing they don't like and suddenly they're experts, telling me how I should do things differently. It's infuriating!

"And the worst part is, sometimes it's not even constructive criticism. It's just mean like they're trying to tear me down. Why do they do that? Can't they see I'm just trying to do what I love? I don't understand why people feel the need to be so harsh!"

“It's tough when people don't see the effort and passion you put into it," you agreed. “But I bet there are still people that love what you do.”

“You’re right, it’s not all that bad. My friends are really supportive and always have been. They remind me why I started this in the first place and keep me grounded.”

“That’s great to hear. It makes a huge difference having people with you.”

“Yes. They're the ones who always believed in me, even when I doubted myself. It's like they see something in me that I sometimes forget” The girl sighed happily. “They're amazing. They are always close to me and help me when it gets too much.”

“It sounds like your friends do a good job of helping you focus on the right things. It's like having a personal cheering squad.”

The girls laughed. “That’s exactly what they are.”

Then she sighed deeply, her demeanor changing. "You know, as supportive as my friends are, I sometimes feel like I'm becoming a burden to them. They're always there for me, listening to my complaints and trying to cheer me up, but I worry I'm dragging them down."

"I doubt they see it that way. Friends are there for the good and the bad times."

"I know, but I can't help but feel guilty. like, how much can they take before they get tired of it?"

"It's natural to feel that way, but real friends don't see you as a burden. They care about you and want to support you, no matter what,” you said. “The important thing is that you’re still working hard. If they see your efforts, they will help you.”

"I hope so,” she said, her voice wavering. “They've never said anything to make me think otherwise, but sometimes I just feel so... needy, I guess. Like, I should be able to handle this on my own and not rely on them so much."

"It sounds like you're being too hard on yourself. Everyone needs support sometimes, and it doesn't make you a burden. It makes you human."

She nodded slowly. “I guess you’re right.”

"If they're there for you now, you've probably been there for them before. It's okay to lean on them. When something happens, you’ll return the favor,” you said. “For example, my friend helped me finish the project. So I bought him a really cool shirt, it was like this Pokemon-themed thing with Charmander and stuff, right? Because he liked Pokemon,” you paused. “But it was two sizes too small.”

The girl giggled. Her laughter bubbled up, bright and infectious.

“God, he looked ridiculous. But it’s alright. He was trying to lose weight anyways, it will motivate him.”

“Yeah, I am sure you did him a favor,” she said joyfully.

“That’s what I am saying!”

The girl recollected herself. "Thanks. I guess I just needed to hear that. It's hard to remember that sometimes, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed."

You got up, patting your pants off to get rid of the dirt. “Do you want me to help you go back home? It’s kinda late now.”

The girl hesitated for a second. She didn’t know how to answer that question.

“Do you live far away? Do you want me to call a cab?”

“No, it’s not that…” her voice trailed off.

You listened to her silence for a second and understood. “You don’t want to go home, right? How about you stay here for the night? I have a guest room.”

“Well, I don’t want to disturb you…”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it, it will be just tonight.”

She was a bit hesitant, she didn’t want to impose herself but you were sincere and she accepted the offer. You walked to your apartment, modest and minimal. You didn’t need a lot to live comfortably and you were at the job most of the time anyway.

When she took off her cap and mask, you realized who she was. You chose not to say anything. You didn’t want to scare her away. 

“Are you allergic to anything—?” you asked, you stopped just a moment before saying her name.

“Sakura,” she added. “No, I’m not allergic to anything.”

You quickly made her feel at home, showing her around and offering her a spot at the kitchen table while you prepared a simple meal.

As you cooked, you continued their conversation. She opened up about her life as a singer, and the passion she had for music. You already knew most of it but you wanted to hear it from her, it was much more interesting.

You listened attentively, sharing your own experience at work. It became a healing experience for you. You ate together, enjoying the meal and continuing to talk. You learned about her love for mangas, and how much she played videogames. You were a gamer as well, that’s where most of your money went and why your house was so bare. 

“If I could turn back time…” Sakura said, in the middle of your conversation about her idol life. “I wonder if I’d choose to be an idol again. Maybe I should have become a soloist.”

“Grass is always greener on the other side” you replied. “I’m sure once you’re old, you’ll look back at it and think it was a great experience.”

“I hope so.”

When it got late, you offered her the guest room, fortunately, you kept it clean. She accepted and you said goodnight.

Sakura didn’t feel like a celebrity. You felt like you met a good friend and you wanted to keep it that way. In the morning, you prepared her breakfast and bid her goodbye. You didn’t expect her to come back and neither did she. It was supposed to be a one time thing, to get her mind off.

But a week later, she knocked at the door and you were happy to welcome her.

It started with small exchanges—it was a bit more embarrassing now that you were both conscious of each other. Sakura would sometimes bring her books and discuss them with you, or you would turn on the TV and watch animes together. 

As the days turned into weeks, the conversations grew longer. You talked about her past, your past, your problems. It was a safe space for the both of you, where you could be honest with eachother. Sakura found herself looking forward to these moments with you, your presence becoming a familiar comfort in her life. It became a routine.

Her eyes sparkled everytime she spoke with you and you would always listen to her. You loved the way she spoke with such passion. 

But one day, you had to leave. 

It was your boss again. “I made some arrangements with this company, it’s a big opportunity, you have to leave tomorrow. I already scheduled the flight.” You couldn’t refuse and you didn’t have Sakura’s phone number either. You left in the early morning and didn’t hear from Sakura since.

A week later, you finally came back home. You close the door of your friend’s car and thank him. You take a deep breath, finally the air of your town, you missed it. Taking the stairs, you reach your floor and there she was, standing weakly in front of your door, Sakura.

“Oh my god, Sakura! What are you doing here!” you exclaim.

“You—! You’re back! You asshole why didn’t you say anything!” Sakura rushes to your arms and hugs you tightly. “God, I thought something happened to you! I thought the loansharks kidnapped you.”

“It was just a work trip,” you say. “And sorry I didn’t say anything, I didn’t have your number.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll give it to you right now,” she hurries you. You take out your phone and add her digits. 

“Is that your stage outfit?” you ask her.

“Yeah, I rushed here. I didn’t really feel like changing, I wanted to see you,” she says. Her sentence shocks you. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was more to it. You thought about all the little things—how she always seemed to know you were having a rough day, how she always came to you first to vent about her troubles.

You smiled but were worried. It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about Sakura in that way before. You did plenty of times, but there was always some reason not to pursue it.

“But you didn’t even know that I’d be here,” you comment.

“I felt it.”

“You have a sixth sense, don’t you?” you laugh as you open the door for her.

With a quickly made dinner, you have time to catch up with Sakura. She had a lot to talk about, not only about her members but also all the other idols she met during the shows. She had a lot to vent about, people aren’t as nice as they look.

Sakura offers to clean up the rest of the dinner, which isn’t a lot since you have already cleaned most of the dishes, and in the meantime, you go and take a shower. Cleaning up the remnants of your hastily prepared dinner, Sakura tosses the scraps into the trash bin before wiping the table. Once everything is tidy again, she heads towards the bathroom to take off her makeup.

However, while passing by the bedroom, she finds you lying sprawled across the bed, fast asleep. An odd mix of emotions courses through her veins—it is a combination of fondness and happiness. You look so cute carelessly snoozing with that sleepy face of yours. She wants to join you, to touch you. She wants to do what she sees in the shows, to hold your hand, hug you while you sleep, and kiss you.

Sakura isn’t sure if her feelings are right, especially after everything that has happened to her. She knows to trust you, but to love you? Is she allowed such a luxury? Her mind tells her to steer clear, to not get mixed up in such a troublesome relationship, but she is stubborn.

Her back shivers. Sakura can’t tear her gaze away from your sleeping face. Your soft breaths are like music to her ears, soothing and comforting.

Then you wake up. You look at Sakura through your tired eyes and smile. “Oh, sorry. I fell asleep, didn’t I?” you say, laughing, and Sakura exchanges a smile. “Say, aren’t you tired, Kkura?”

“Mh,” she hums. “A little bit. But you must be—” she trails off, unable to finish her sentence.

“Then join me,” you say, interrupting her. She opens her eyes a little wider as she values your offer. She could find countless reasons not to, but instead, she settles for a place beside you. She awkwardly lies down on the bed, slightly curling her legs and resting her arms close to herself. Her eyes never leave yours, watching your welcoming smile.

“I really missed you, Sakura,” you say. You laugh from the embarrassment, clenching your eyes. “I got so used to your presence that I keep going back to my bags thinking I left something at home.” You pause to take a breath. “I guess it was you.”

Sakura is surprised. She listens to you silently, feeling that warm sensation inside her chest slowly expanding to the rest of her body. “I missed you too,” she confesses.

“The bulgogi at the cafeteria just doesn’t taste the same, you know?” You laugh. Feeling the mattress dip beside her, Sakura becomes aware of your presence. The wave of heat coursing through her veins makes her heart race wildly. Carefully unfolding her legs, she slides closer to you, nestling herself against your warmth, finally accepting your invite. Sakura catches her breath as your arm slips around her waist, pulling her even closer.

“This feels nice,” she says, and you giggle. It is a gentle embrace, completely different from the coldness that she had to endure for the week you were away. She simply lies there, letting the familiar scent of you envelop her, calming her frayed nerves.

“Don’t you want to change into some more comfortable clothes?” you ask Sakura.

“Mh? You don’t want to see me in it?” Sakura replies in a light tone. “You don’t like it?” she teases you.

You keep brushing her soft blonde hair. “No, it’s not that. I think you could be more comfortable in something else… but I don’t mind it at all. Besides,” you swallow your saliva, “it looks really good on you.”

“Oh? How good?” she coos, moving her hair away from the red top. You remember your reaction from earlier: how you choke at the sight of her tight top hugging her pearly white chest, how her toned midriff peeks from her gray pleated skirt, and how all the blood leaves your head. But you can’t say it, of course, and settle for a “Very good.”

“Come on, be more specific!” Sakura whines in annoyance.

“Ten out of ten!”

“You always say that,” she says.

“Because it’s true,” you retort.

“You know what I mean…” she says with a softer tone, looking at you with her typical puppy eyes. There you go. She plays with your feelings again. What are you supposed to feel? Your mind is a mess. She is so adorable, yet so hot.

You sigh. “Well…” you start. “I think you’re terribly hot. You make my head spin every time I see you. And today, you are unbelievable.”

Sakura clings to you tighter, taking refuge in your chest. Her breath comes in short, needy gasps; who knew words could be so piercing? She knows she wants you to say it, but she doesn’t know how it’d feel like.

Shifting ever so slightly, she presses her lower body against yours, finding comfort in her arousal.

“When you say it like that…” Sakura whispers. “Is it too much?”

“Too much for me to handle, that’s for sure.”

Sakura rubs herself against you, her hips moving slowly, riding your thigh. She starts moaning, low groans choked in her throat. She grows more desperate. Your words were turning her on. She wants you to see more of her, she wants your eyes planted on her body, she wants more. Sakura knew this was going to be a mistake, that she should stop before crossing the line, but she couldn’t resist anymore.

“Mh,... is that all?” She asks you once more.

“I have nothing nice to say, believe me,” you admit and Sakura understood perfectly. You finally notice her movements on her leg and you are just as aroused as her. At the same time, you are worried if her intentions were truly honest and if she wasn’t being carried away by the heat of the moment. You knew how impulsive Sakura was.

Swallowing hard, Sakura meets your gaze, refusing to look away. She could see the concern etched on your face, the worry mirrored in her eyes. For a brief moment, she contemplates pushing you away… and then she decides against it. Her hips don’t stop rubbing against you. She keeps holding you. Sakura wanted to know what you felt and what she felt.

Closing the remaining distance between you two, she captures your lips in a firm resolute kiss. 

Caught in the heat of her excitement, you couldn’t do anything else but kiss her back. Moaning against your lips, Sakura loses herself in the feeling of your lips. Rolling on top of you, her arms around your neck, she keps kissing you deeper and deeper. Her skin was warm and smooth beneath your fingers, a stark contrast to the rough texture of your own.

Pulling away slightly, she looks into your eyes. She could see her own pure raw desire reflected back in your eyes. Without hesitation, she guides your hand between her thighs. “Are you sure, Sakura?” you ask one last time.

“I am.” You could feel the moistness around her shorts. She invites you into her panties, into herself. Your fingers trace lazy circles around her swollen clit. She grips your shoulders tightly as the pleasure scatters through her legs. 

Arching her back, Sakura gasps as your fingers effortlessly slipped inside her wet folds. Her muscles tensed and relaxed, spasms of pleasure, drawing you deeper. 

Sakura lets out a high-pitched whine. “Mh!” You hit a sensitive spot inside of her. Waves of pure bliss ripple throughout her body. Her grip on your shoulders tightens painfully as you continue to finger her pussy.

Sakura’s mind spirals out of control leaving her breathless moans. 

“Can I see it?” you ask softly. Painting heavily, Sakura glances down for a moment at her spread legs, catching the sight of your fingers buried inside of her. She shudders at the sight of the messiness of her juices. They coated your hand, dripping down to your wrist and forearm.

She forces herself to meet your eyes to nod quietly. You quickly take of her shorts and underwear and take a good look of her wet lips. Gasping at the cool air, Sakura stared at you with worry as she was revealing her most intimate parts to you. She finds herself even more aroused than before.

With both hands at either side of her vagina, you part her slightly. You look at the droplets of wetness leaving her hole, sliding down her pink flesh, the warm scent invading your nostrils. You take a moment to observe how her muscles twitched but you couldn’t resist any longer. You open your mouth and dip your tongue inside of her.

“I love how you taste, Sakura,” you muffle. “You’re just as good as I imagined.”

Your words make her moan harder. Every finger of lower body tighten at the new sensation. You lick her slowly, spreading your tongue out on her pussy, licking from the bottom to the top, pausing on her clit. You send waves of pleasure to her head, making it difficult for her to remain still. Her legs clamp around your head. Her soft thighs just make it more enjoyable.

You eat her with voracity, making your head up and down. Sakura helps you by stretching her lips further apart with her hands, giving you full access to every inch of her folds. Her walls clench around your tongue, contracting involuntarily. 

You stop for a moment to swallow the liquids piled on your tongue. Sakura can’t wait a single second. “Please continue,” she pleads.

“You want it that bad?” you say with satisfaction.

“Yes,” she admits. “Please, eat me out.” “I will,” you conclude and go back to her pussy. This time, you wrap your lips on her clit and start sucking it softly. You don’t give her time to adjust as your fingers enter her at the same time, fingering her helpless hole. 

Sakura goes crazy. She begs for release. “Ah! Fuck! Don’t stop!” Her fingers dig into your shoulders, leaving bruises all around your back. Lewd wet noises sloppily resonate through your mouth. Moaning your name nonstop, she is pushed more and more to the edge. The orgasm approaches rapidly. With a feral growl, she explodes, wracked by wave after wave of ecstatic pleasure.

Arching her back, she clutches your head, pulling you deeper inside her. Thick liquid drips from her swollen pussy, thick cum flow right into your mouth. Breathless and spent, she collapses back onto the pillows, utterly exhausted but satisfied.

You continue by softly eating up her remaining cum. Watching in disbelief as you eagerly lap up the sticky remnants of their passion, Sakura's breath hitches in her throat. 

“I didn’t know you could do that,” you said and laughed.

“I didn’t know I could do that either,” she repeated, giggling and covering her blushed face. 

Panting heavily, Sakura lays still sprawled across the bed, her body still pulsing with residual with the residual kickback of the orgasm. When you nuzzle your face against her exposed stomach, she moans softly, arching her back invitingly. Her leg itch, the shivers discend to her core. "Mmm…" she murmurs, begging you to continue.

Her fingers brush through your hair. You leave small pecks and smooches on her tone midriff, trailing your lips along the grooves of her abs. Your hands hold her hips, lifting her arched body closer to your face. Her heart swells with tenderness, she’s grateful, you truly care for her and want to make her happy. 

Your head further ascends along her body, stopping at the hem of her top. You look up to her, to her flushed cheeks and clouded eyes, panting heavily. “Can I see them?” you ask her.

She nods, “Yes…” Sakura then sits up to take of her top. It’s a bit complicated, she raises her arms and slowly pulls it off. When she takes of her last layer, you hold your breath. The tube bra finally slips off and her breasts fall down. They are beautiful.

Though not as big as they looked under the clothes, the shape was a lot more inviting. They were slightly saggy, drooping to either sides, with rounded nipples and beautiful pink nipples. There was a mole right on her left breast that you had never noticed. 

You look at her eyes just to be sure and gently grope her breasts. She lets out a small moan, bringing her hands back to open her chest to you. Blushing deeply, Sakura looks down your eager expression, her heart racing. She’s surprised at how excited you were and it made her even more aroused.

“Do you really like them that much even if they’re small?” she asked.

“They are perfect, Sakura,” you said. “And they could’ve been 100 different shapes but I’d still love them, because they are yours.”

Sakura smiled and locked her arms around your back. She's grown accustomed to your touch now and she couldn’t be happier. Her nipples harden beneath your fingers and she struggles to keep her composure. "It’s okay, keep going..." she whispers, her voice barely audible above the rapid beat of her heart.

Leaning in closer, she captures your lips in a heated kiss but you don’t stop fondling her soft breasts. She falls back to the bed and her boobs fall to the sides. Your hands collect them back up and you continue to play with her mounds.

Her body trembles as you continue to knead and tease her sensitive breast, alternating between gentle strokes and firmer pinches. Sakura bites down on her lip, but she doesn’t hide her moans, you love them. 

She had never felt so exposed yet so safe before. She wanted your hands to explore every inch of your body, she wanted you to know every part of her. And now she wanted to see you as well.

“Are you going to take off your clothes?” she asks.

“Oh, yeah,” you answered, only now realizing she was the only one naked. You made it quick, not wanting to make her wait too long. You were a bit embarrassed to show her your body, especially since it wasn’t nearly as toned as hers. However, if Sakura didn’t care than neither should you.

You were also worried about your size. Your hands were both covering your crotch, the head of your penis peeking between your fingers.

Sakura flashed a seductive smile and got closer to you. “Are you really going to hide that pretty cock of yours?” she asks you. Her hand grab your fingers and she peels off your hands. She licks her lips and palms your balls, holding your cock out right on her right hand. She silently looks at it for a second, looking at how hard it was, standing so tall just for her. That’s what she loved. You were hard for her.

And she was wet for you.

“Sit down,” she told you and you obliged, keeping your legs open. With her hand still under your balls, she raised your cock higher, giving her full access to the whole length. And then she was blowing you. With a hand at the base, she wraps your head with her wet mouth, beginning to move her head in slow, circular motions. Her eyes stare right back at you, with her sunken lips, looking for your approval.

Your flushed face is enough for Sakura. She increases the pace of her actions, sucking harder and faster on your rock hard penis. The muscles in her mouth stretch as she takes you deeper than ever before, her cheeks hollowing out with each passing thrust. A thin stream of saliva drips down from the corner of her mouth, mixing with your precum and forming a sticky trail along her jawline. 

She tries her best but she couldn’t take you into her throat. The pleasure was still enough for you to roll back your eyes. Continuing with her sucking and bobbing, the mix of fluids foamed up to a frothy white substance, sloppily falling down her mouth, to her hands, to your crotch.

Feeling you pulling her head down, thrusting your penis roughly into her throat, Sakura gasps for air. Her gag reflex kicks in momentarily, causing her to gag and choke briefly, but she quickly regains control, continuing to work her mouth. 

It could have been only a couple minutes but you couldn’t last any longer. It all came so fast, you couldn’t even warn Sakura that you were already filling her mouth with cum. Your release startled her, she opened her eyes and jolted back, letting the cum spill out to her hands. 

You continued letting out a couple more splurts before you could stop, however you were still twitching maniacally. “Oh my god, sorry Sakura,” you said.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” she laughed it off. “That’s exactly the reaction that I wanted. Now let me taste this…”

Sakura scooped up all the semen that had escaped her mouth and poured it back inside. With a slurp, the last strings of cum left her palms. She gulped it down and showed you her empty mouth. She let out a satisfied giggle, watching your dumbfounded face. 

“Well, look like that got you hard again, huh?” Sakura said watching your penis coming back to life. “You’re so naughty.”

“You’re the one that just—look at what you just did,” you retorted.

“You’re right…” she agreed. “So? What are you gonna do no? Are you gonna put it in?”

“Do you want to?” you asked.

“I do.”

“Then I’ll do it.”

Sakura laid down on the bed, taking your place. You looked at her, her hair sprawled on the white sheets, her pearly white skin covered in her shiny sweat, her perfectly round breasts drooping down her chest, her creamy thighs. She looked like an angel. You couldn’t believe that you were going to do it with her.

You weren’t the only one. Sakura didn’t want anyone else but you, she’s been thinking about you this whole time and this was going to be the seal of her love.

Sakura opened her legs and let you get closer. With her hand, she helped guiding yourself inside. You sank in with ease. You were forced to blink rapidly and grit your teeth at the new sensation. It was incredibly tight, completely wet, and burning hot.

Your penis stretched her open. She moaned and contorted her face as her vagina opened up to you. Her hand gripped down your forearm with all her might.

“God…” she sighed.

“Are you okay, Sakura?” you asked worryingly. “Does it hurt? We can stop if you want.”

“No, no, it’s not that, we can keep going,” she said. “I just have to get used to it. It’s a bit uncomfortable, that’s all.”

She breathed deeply and pulled on your shoulder, “Please, slowly.” 

“Alright,” you said. You contracted all of your muscles to be as slow as possible, as gentle as you could. You let yourself sink, a millimeter at a time, being extremely careful not to let out any sudden movement. Sakura’s face relaxed as you went in, she stared blankly, giving all her attention to the feeling between her legs.

“Okay, like that… alright, that’s it,” she let you know. “I’m good now. I think.”

“Tell me what to do,” you said.

“Try thrusting it a bit,” she said. You nodded and guided your hips back before slowly thrusting your penis back inside. 

“Oh…” Sakura moaned. She didn’t look in pain, you were glad. “Yep, that’s good. That’s really good. You can keep going.”

You nodded again and started thrusting at a regular pace, still slow. 

Sakura flips around, grabbing the pillow in front of her. You plunge yourself back inside and using your whole weight, you stretch her to the point of bulging her belly. 

Gripping the sheets tightly, Sakura cries out in both pain and ecstasy as you brutally claim her pussy. Her vagina accepts you, stretching wide to accommodate your whole length. Each forceful thrust sends waves of pleasure rippling through her body. 

Her moans become more and more primal. She cries out in ecstasy, muffling the screams into her pillow.

Unable to contain your growing hunger, you move relentlessly at the roughest pace possible, trying to satisfy your lust. Your movements become increasingly frantic, punctuated by your grunts. Every brutal thrust fills her to the brim, making her feel used and ravaged. The bed shakes violently beneath you as your passion escalates, leaving the once pristine linens drenched in sweat and other fluids.

Despite the intensity of your assault, Sakura doesn't fight it—she loves it.

The new pace costs you a lot. After a minute, you’re tired and way closer than before. You breath heavily, slowing down to give the both of you a rest. Sakura is panting and couldn’t even keep her head up.

“Sorry, Sakura, could you turn around another time?” you asked between your heavy breaths.

“Sure…” she replies weakly. “It will be better for me too.”

You groan quietly as you slide back into her. The rest of her body is stretched out on the bed, she’s way too tired to do anything else. You grab her hips and raise them in a prone stance so you can go deeper. It works, she immediately tightens around you so intensely that you feel like you might climax instantly. Her hands clutch the edge of the bed, her moans are free and loud as her face is no longer buried in the cushions. It's clear that she's on the brink of orgasm, and you continue to thrust into her as hard as possible.

You lean forward to place kisses on her neck and shoulder, your body pressing on top of hers as you slow down the pace to a grind. You want her to feel loved and worshipped. She tries to look up at you but the pleasure is so immense that she can only focus on your blurry silhouette. Sakura is so lightheaded that she her words sound drunk and splurred. 

“I—I’m gonna cum,” she says. “Please I want you to cum too!”

A few more thrusts before the dam breaks, her squirt flooding your bed as she moans your name much louder than before.

“I love you!” she screams.

You don’t stop thrusting however as you are also very close to reaching your orgasm. Wrap your hands around her small waist and you can feel her toned abs contracting and relaxing as the spasms of her orgasm keep milking you. Her squirt floods the grooves of her abs, pooling into a shiny mess. 

“I’m really gonna cum now,” you says. “I’m gonna cover you in cum!”

“Do it, please!”

“Fuck!” There was no way you were going to last any millisecond longer and with one final thrust, you spill everything you have been saving on her abs. Ribbons after ribbons of thick sperm cover her tummy, her breasts and some even get to her face.

Sakura lays there, exhausted. She wipes the cum of her abs, playing with it, looking at how the strings of thick cum stretch between her fingers. “It’s really warm,” she comments, with satisfaction. “I made you cum a lot, huh?”

“I thought I was going to pass out,” you admit.

She laughs.“Me too.”

You inhale for a moment. “Let me get you some towels.” You get off the bed and walk to the closet. Only then you notice how sore your legs truly were and you have to hold the door to stand up. You grab a couple from the stack of towels and hand them to Sakura.

“Here you go,” you say and help her stand up. Sakura takes them and slowly wipes her whole body. You could feel some of the remaining blood feeding into your penis but you were too tired to do anything else. So you sat down on the bed, besides her.

“You got work tomorrow?” you asked Sakura.

“No, nothing.”

“That’s good,” you say. “Otherwise the others would have scolded me. I can’t imagine what Yunjin would do to me.”

Sakura lets out a breathy laugh, amused but weary. Her shoulders shake gently, and her eyes though tired, sparkled. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell her.”

“Thanks,” you said and gave her a smile. “Let’s get cleaned up now.”

The two of you sluggishly move around the bathroom. Sakura must have gotten used to feeling tired after all the dance practices but emotional exhaustion was something else. It wasn’t just the sore muscles, she was exhausted from the ecstasy. 

She splashes cool water on her face, and quickly takes off her makeup. You brush your teeth with your eyes half-closed, the toothbrush moving lazily. You exchange tired smiles through the mirror, knowing you are the reason for the other’s tiredness. 

Once done, you shuffle back to the bedroom and drop on the bed.

Sat beside you, disheveled and natural, Sakura looked unreal. Bathed by the pool of the moonlight, she only sat still, but your heart couldn’t stop pounding. She was your world.

You took a deep breath when you remembered her words earlier. “I love you.” That’s what she said. “I love you.” Sure, you were in the heat of the moment, the adrenaline was pumping harder than anything else and she probably didn’t even mean it. Maybe it was a “I love how you make me feel.” Maybe it was just another way to praise you. But what if it wasn’t?

You had to know. “By the way…” you start. You gulp down. “Did you say ‘I love you’ before?”

Realizing what she said, Sakura’s face pales slightly. For some reason, she felt scared, and she wanted to cover her face. “Oh, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I mean, I do care about you, but—”

With your heart pounding, you interrupt her. You try to talk to her as gently as possible. “Sakura, wait. Did you mean it? Because if you did, it’s okay.”

Sakura hesitates, she can’t look at your eyes, then nods. “Yeah, I did mean it. I’ve been trying to keep it to myself, but… After this week,” she sighs with frustration. She couldn’t believe what she was saying right now. “Fuck, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. I just never had the courage to say it. I don’t want to lose you, I care about you too much.”

Your eyes soften as she talked. “Sakura, I feel the same way. Every time we’re together, I feel so happy, so alive. I didn’t want to say it either, because of the whole situation we got going on. But now that you said it… I won’t hide it.”

Tears well up in Sakura’s eyes, she’s relieved. So relieved. “Really? You feel that way too?”

Sakura stands up and jumps to hug you. You almost fall but you catch yourself with a foot. Her face is against yours, cheek to cheek, you can feel her tears run down your skin. “You have no idea how happy this makes me!”

You sat hand in hand, letting Sakura calm down as she wiped her tears. “You know that time that I told you I wanted to turn back time?”

“Yeah, it was the first time we met.”

“Mh, I thought about it and I wouldn’t change anything. Because I’ve got to meet you.”

You laugh. “God, how did I get so lucky to have you, Sakura. I love you!”

“I love you too!”

THE END

Written, 13 July 2024 - 18 July 2024

[byechristopher]

fuck'em all, but us.

– CHRIS STURNIOLO ANGST.

Author's note: Hello, little angels. I have been gone for months, but I've been wanting to write something for a while now. Excuse me for the hiatus. However, I still can not promise that I'll be consistent from now on – but i love you still. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: HELLA LONG. This is almost 3.000 words, sweet Jesus. As usual, if you know me, I like writing about dark, angsty shit. Nothing too bad, but you know, mention of fights, blood, smoking, etc.

I caught Chris staring at me again, that same cold, unreadable expression on his face. He had a cigarette between his fingers, as usual. His eyes were like ice, and whenever they landed on me, I felt a chill run down my spine. He never says anything — just watches, arms crossed, jaw clenched, as if I’ve done something to offend him without even knowing it. I don’t understand what I did to make him look at me that way, like he’s barely holding back some hidden resentment. And yet, every time I catch him watching, I can’t help but wonder what he’s really thinking.

I’ve seen him with a few other people. He’s not exactly warm with them either, but there’s something different when he talks to them, a sort of casual ease. With me, it’s like he’s built up walls — high, thick ones, and I’m just standing outside, banging on the gates. And every now and then, I think I catch a glimpse of something behind them, something vulnerable and unexpected, but it’s gone before I can be sure.

Chris was my older brother's closest friend, and he has been ever since they were little kids. No one ever got as close to him as my brother did. Whereas when it came to me, he was rather cold; I never understood why.

My thoughts were roughly interrupted by my brother's hand, which took a strand of my hair and pulled on it to annoy me.

"Ow, you fucking asshole!"

"Hey, wake the fuck up. I said me and Chris are leaving." I rolled my eyes and looked at Chris one more time, seeing that he still had that same look on his face.

Deciding to ignore it one more time, "yeah, bye. God." I said and grabbed the remote to switch on the TV.

I didn’t want to watch anything in particular; I’d just rather avoid looking at my brother’s best friend once again.

"Where the hell are you?"

A notification popped up and before I read the sender's name, I already knew it was Fred. My ex.

Of course, I ignored it, but deep down, I knew he was losing it. Ever since we broke up, he’s been acting stranger and stranger — showing up at places he knows I’ll be, sending messages that alternate between apologies and accusations. It’s like he can’t decide if he wants me back or wants to make me regret ever knowing him. I kept telling myself he’d get over it eventually, that he just needed time. But lately, his behavior had me on edge, and I began wondering if he’d ever really let go.

I’d never go back to him; that’s something I’m certain of. He crossed too many lines, left too many scars I can’t forget. But now, it’s like he’s everywhere—lurking just out of sight, always one step behind me. I feel his presence even when he’s not there, a constant, heavy reminder that he’s still watching, still obsessing.

I’ve started checking over my shoulder more often, catching myself dreading the sound of my phone vibrating with yet another message from him. I tell myself it’s just paranoia, that he’s all talk and no real threat. But some small part of me can’t shake the fear that this time, he might actually be out of control.

And I was right to be cautious. Because he finally crossed the line I’d been hoping he’d stay behind. When I got home, my stomach twisted as I saw it; my car, with its tires slashed and a deep scratch running along the side. It was unmistakably his work; I’d ignored his messages, blocked his number, and now he was trying to force my attention.

My hands shook as I took in the damage, a mix of anger and dread flooding through me. How could he stoop this low? He knew that car was everything to me, the one thing I’d saved for and bought on my own. The memories of late nights spent driving to clear my head, the freedom it gave me — he’d tainted all of it in a single, desperate act. I wanted to scream, to call him and let him know just how furious I was. But I knew that’s exactly what he wanted.

He wanted a reaction, wanted me to feel trapped and afraid, wanted to pull me back into his twisted little game. But I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Instead, I took a deep breath, locked my jaw, and stared at my car.

"What.. the fuck is that?" My brother's voice echoed in my ears and I turned around to see that he was with Chris.

"Fred. Fucking Fred." I screamed, not able to contain my anger.

"That bastard.. I will fucking kill him." He said and got closer to the car to see the damage, "calm down" was what Chris said to him.

Chris looked shocked and angry, he walked towards me, "this motherfucker lives nearby?"

"Yeah… just a few blocks away." I sat down on the ground, pulling my legs to my chest and hugging them tightly. I looked up at Chris, my voice trembling, "that was my fucking car..." a tear slipped down my cheek, and in that moment, I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness.

Chris clenched his jaw, and I felt a rush of warmth as his hand reached down to cup my cheek. His touch was soft, gentle, and completely disarming. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had held me like that, with such tenderness. He looked down at me with a promising expression, his eyes filled with determination. “I’ll see what I can do about your car. I might have a friend who can fix it.”

His thumb brushed softly against my skin, and I felt a flutter in my stomach, a strange mix of comfort and something deeper. The way he touched me sent a shiver down my spine, pulling me out of my anger for just a moment. In such a chaotic moment, I couldn’t help but think it was nice seeing him like this for once. I stayed silent and leaned into his hand, seeking that warmth, desperate for a distraction from the whirlwind of emotions coursing through me.

I was rather quiet the following days – I didn't want to go out of the house much. Not because this asshole scared me with what he did, but because that car meant a lot to me. Me and my brother lived by ourselves, and that car was the only thing I could call my own. Fred would pay and I'd make sure of that.

I was alone in my room getting ready for work, trying to drown out the chaos of the previous days when I heard the front door slam shut. My heart raced with curiosity and unease. Just as I was about to head downstairs, my brother’s voice boomed through the house, cutting through the silence, “what the hell happened to you?”

I sprang to my feet, instinctively rushing toward the sound of the voices. As I reached the living room, I froze at the sight before me. Chris was leaning against the wall, blood dripping from a cut on his eyebrow and cheek, and staining his shirt. My brother stood in front of him, fists clenched, a mixture of concern and fury etched across his face.

“Chris, what the actual fuck!” my brother exclaimed, his voice a mix of anger and worry. Chris turned his gaze toward me, and in that moment, everything else faded. Despite the blood and bruises, there was a softness in his eyes that held me captive, a silent plea that made my heart race.

“I’m fine,” Chris replied, though his voice was strained. He shifted slightly, not even a single emotion of fear, or pain, nothing. If anything, he had a pleased expression on his face, I could almost make out a smile. My brother continued to glare at him, demanding answers, but Chris seemed unwilling to give them to him.

“What happened?” I asked, stepping closer, my heart pounding. Chris’s gaze flickered back to my brother, and for a brief moment, I felt a wave of unease wash over me. I could sense that whatever had happened involved more than just a simple altercation, and the tension in the air was thick with unspoken words.

"Nothing happened. I just shouldn't have gone to Mike's. There was another fight and I got involved." My brother seemed to know what he was talking about, because his whole body language changed, softened.

"I told you, asshole. You should never go to Mike's. This bar is a shithole." He went off to the kitchen, probably going to grab something to clean the blood.

I walked closer to Chris, my sweaty fingers digging into my leather bag. I reached out hesitantly, my fingers trembling as I brushed against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin contrasted by the coolness of the blood that trickled down from the cut above his eyebrow.

“Chris,” I whispered, my voice barely above a breath, my heart racing. “Does it hurt a lot?” My fingertips lingered on his skin, tracing the line of the wound as if I could somehow erase the pain with my touch. His eyes locked onto mine, a storm of emotions swirling within them — vulnerability, frustration, and a glimmer of something deeper that sent shivers down my spine.

He winced slightly at my touch but didn’t pull away. Instead, he leaned into my hand, a subtle gesture that felt almost intimate in the tense air between us.

“Not much.” he said, his voice low and rough, but it was the way he looked at me that stole my breath. There was a rawness in his gaze, as if he was baring a part of himself that he’d kept hidden, and in that moment, everything else faded away.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, my thumb brushing lightly over his jawline, searching his eyes for reassurance. The moment felt suspended in time, a fragile bubble where nothing else mattered but the two of us. His expression softened, and I could see the flicker of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips despite the pain.

“I will be,” he replied, his gaze steady and unwavering, filled with a mixture of gratitude and something that felt like longing. It was as if, in that brief exchange, we shared an unspoken promise — a connection that transcended the chaos around us. My heart raced, and for the first time since the chaos began, I felt a sense of calm in the storm.

Having to go to work and leave him like this pained me, but I had to go, "I have to go to work.." I explained.

"Mhm. D'you want me to take you to work?" He said and I sighed.

"No. Of course not. Stay here, with my brother. I'll see you.. later." I nodded my head and said goodbye one last time before leaving.

The night air was cool against my skin as I walked home from work, each step feeling heavier than the last. The streetlights cast a faint glow on the pavement, illuminating the shadows that seemed to stretch endlessly in the darkness. My thoughts were consumed by what had happened — I couldn’t shake the image of him standing there, bloodied yet resilient, leaning into my touch.

My heart raced at the memory, but alongside it was a gnawing concern. What kind of trouble had he gotten himself into? It was like him to end up in trouble, but I'd never actually see him like this.

As I approached my apartment, a sudden impulse gripped me. I didn’t want to go home and drown in my thoughts; I wanted to see Chris again. I needed to know he was okay, to check on him in a way that felt more personal than just a casual conversation. With each step toward his place, a mix of anxiety and anticipation bubbled within me.

I turned the corner, the familiar path leading me to his apartment building. The windows were dimly lit, casting a warm glow that made me feel a little lighter despite the weight of everything else. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I was overstepping or if he’d even want to see me after everything that had happened. But the thought of him alone, nursing his wounds and possibly replaying the day in his mind, pushed me forward.

I climbed the stairs, my heart pounding louder with each step. When I reached his door, I raised my hand and knocked softly, the sound echoing in the silence of the hallway. What if he wasn’t ready to see me? But as I waited, I couldn’t help but hope that he’d open the door, that he’d let me in — not just to his apartment, but to whatever was going on in his life.

"What.. are you doing here?" He furrowed his eyebrows, a little band-aid covering the wound on his eyebrow now, a cigarette between his lips.

"Sorry, Chris.. I couldn't.. stop thinking about you. I mean.. what happened to you.. today." I was nervous, I couldn't quite understand why.

He cleared his throat and stepped aside to let me in, and of course, I wasted no time. I sat down on his couch and he sat down beside me. So many years of knowing him, and I've never actually been inside his house, so I took a quick look around, trying to take in everything I could.

"I'm fine. I told you." He insisted and sipped from his beer that was on the coffee table, his cigarette nearly done now.

"Your cheek is swollen, you didn't even bother putting some ice on it. Geez." I huffed and got up to go to the kitchen, opening the freezer and wrapping some ice cubes in a towel.

I walked back to him and sat closer to him, cupping his cheek and gently pressing the ice on his other cheek. Only then did I realise how close we were, I could feel his breath fanning over my lips, his dark blue eyes staring into mine.

"My fiend. Zack. He will help you with the car." He whispered and I whispered back, "thank you.. so much."

The sight of him so vulnerable, the blood still seeping from the cut and the way he tried to mask the pain, made something deep within me stir. I forgot about everything else — the fight, the worry, the uncertainty of where we stood. All I could focus on was him and the way he looked at me, those fierce eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and something more that made my pulse quicken.

I could see the way he held back a flinch, how he tried to remain stoic despite the pain. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, a flush of desire that surprised me. I wanted to kiss him, to close the distance between us and erase the hurt with something softer, something intimate.

As I leaned closer, his gaze flickered to mine, and in that moment, everything else faded away.

“Chris,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper, as I hesitated just inches from his face. I could sense that he was just as caught up in the moment as I was, his eyes darkening with something that mirrored my own feelings.

Then, before I could overthink it, I closed the distance between us, pressing my lips against his. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if we were both afraid of what this moment meant. But as I felt him respond, his hand gently cupping my neck, deepening the kiss, I knew I had crossed a line that I never wanted to return from.

The kiss was hungry, needy. I needed to catch my breath. As we pulled away for a breath, my heart raced, and I felt a rush of conflicting emotions, “this is so wrong..” I whispered, my forehead resting against his.

“I know,” Chris replied, his voice thick with desire. He searched my eyes, a mix of guilt and longing swirling between us, "I cant stop now.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” I breathed, feeling the warmth of his body so close. Yet I leaned in again, capturing his lips with mine once more.

He pulled back slightly, looking conflicted, “what if your brother finds out?”

“I don’t.. care right now,” I admitted, my hands threading through his hair as I kissed him again, the heat of the moment overwhelming any reservations I had, “I just want to be here with you.”

“I shouldn’t want this,” he murmured against my lips, his breath mingling with mine, “but I do.”

“Me too,” I confessed, pulling him closer, lost in the moment, “I can’t stop.”

“Then don’t,” he whispered, his eyes darkening with intensity, “don't think about anything else.”

With that, we dove back into the kiss, the world outside fading as we lost ourselves in each other.

As I left Chris's apartment that night, a rush of exhilaration filled me, and I realised that the unexpected had happened; my ex hadn’t reached out at all since the incident with the car. And for the first time in weeks, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.

A few days later, while I was passing by my brother's room, I heard him talking on the phone. Curiosity piqued, I paused outside the door, trying to listen in.

“I can’t believe you did that, man,” my brother said, his tone a mix of disbelief and admiration, “how did you even find his place?”

“This bitch peed his pants when he saw me.” Chris replied, his voice low but amused, “it wasn't that hard, just had to ask around.”

Something shifted inside of me, realizing that Chris had taken matters into his own hands.

“You know, you didn’t have to do that, I was planning on destroying his car instead", my brother said.

“But I wanted to,” Chris replied firmly, and I could hear him chuckle at what my brother said next.

I stepped back, my heart racing. So, it was Chris who had put an end to my ex’s harassment. I couldn’t help but smile, feeling a warmth spread through me. I knew then that my feelings for Chris were deeper than I had allowed myself to acknowledge, and knowing he had my back made me feel safer than ever.

I found myself running back to his apartment again, right then and there, running up the stairs of his building as if someone was chasing me. I knocked on the door, loud enough for him to open it quickly, worry written in his eyes.

"What–"

And this time I didn't let him finish. With tears in my eyes, I pressed my lips against his and lost myself in his arms.

⠀

⠀

⠀

[uzurakis]

Hi! I like your writing about jjk men reaction to y/n reader breaking up, but would they react the same if the reason for break up is y/n falling out of love? 🥹

YOU? FALLING OUT OF LOVE?

featuring: gojo satoru. fushiguro megumi. nanami kento. choso kamo.

n. yall rlly like to hurt yourselves 😭 godd the amount of angst i have in my inbox. hope this one pains you enough then </3

“we need to talk..”

GOJO SATORU. he looked up from his phone, that stupid smile dancing on his lips. “uh-oh, that sounds serious. what did i do this time? forget to take out the trash?”

trying to maintain your composure, you shook your head. you usually would lecture him about that, but not this time. it’s far more different than forgetting to take out the trash or not washing the dishes. “no, it’s not that. it’s… it’s about us.”

gojo’s smile faltered slightly, but he remained playful. “us? oh, let me guess. you’re secretly in love with my best friend, right? this is just one of those elaborate pranks. you should delete tiktok, i think it’s—“

“satoru, i’m falling out of love with you.” you took another deep breath, held in it for some amount of time to see his reaction, feeling tears welling up in your eyes.

“great, just what i needed to hear today. so funny, babe.” for a moment, he just stared at you, as if waiting for the punchline. then, when it didn’t come, he laughed nervously. “you’re kidding, right? this is a joke. you can’t be serious.”

“i’ve been feeling this way for a while now..”

his laughter faded, replaced by a look of confusion and hurt. “no, no, no. that can’t be true, baby. you’re just having a bad day or something, right? we can work through this.”

you felt a tear slip down your cheek, and you wiped it away quickly. “it’s not just a bad day, satoru. i don’t feel the same way i used to.”

he stood up, pacing the room, his hands running through his hair in frustration. “this doesn’t make any sense. we were fine. we are fine. you can’t just… fall out of love like that, right?”

“tell me i’m wrong, please..”

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI. for a moment, megumi just stared at you, his eyes wide with surprise, mouth slightly opened; like he intended to say something but immediately got eaten by the weight of the situation. then, his expression hardened, and he looked down, his hands clenching into fists. “i… i don’t understand,” he said quietly, his voice devoid of emotion.

the silence that followed was suffocating. you could see the pain in his eyes, even though he was trying to hide it. “megumi, i’m so sorry. i didn’t know how this happened, i.. never wanted this to happen..”

“no..” he shook his head, still looking at the ground, “what changed? did.. did i do something wrong?”

you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away. “i tried to make it work. i really did. but i can’t force my feelings, it’s eating me alive too, gumi..”

megumi nodded slowly, his gaze distant. “it’s my fault i didn’t realize you felt that way. just, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

guilt and regret struck a chord deep within you. the pain in his eyes, the genuine hurt in his voice, the way his shoulders slumped slightly, and it tore at you. it was clear that he blamed himself, and that realization only made your own emotions more compound.

you reached out to touch his hand, but he pulled away, the gesture making your heart ache even more. “i don’t, i didn’t know how to say it to you.. how could i? i care about you so much, megumi. but i can’t lie to you or to myself.”

“if that’s how you really feel, i guess there’s nothing i can do to change your mind.” he stood up abruptly, not sparing a glance at you, not even once. “so, we.. we just… go our separate ways now?”

“…sorry, i.. i need some time alone.”

NANAMI KETO. nanami just stared at you for a brief while, his expression unreadable. he nodded slowly after that, his eyes becoming thoughtful. “i see,” he said in a quiet manner. “i guess we’ve both changed.”

you felt a lump form in your throat. “i never wanted this to happen, kento.. never once i even thought about this.”

he reached across the table and took your hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring. “it’s not your fault,” he said softly despite the circumstances you’re throwing him in, “people change, feelings change. it’s a part of life.”

“but i feel like i’m letting you down. like i’m betraying everything we had. i don’t want that, kento.”

“you shouldn’t burden yourself with guilt, sweetheart. this isn’t something you can control, and it’s not fair to blame yourself for it.”

looking down at your intertwined hands, you felt some kind of sorrow and relief. “you’ve always been so understanding, kento.. i don’t deserve this.”

he squeezed your hand gently. “we shared something special, and i’ll always cherish that. but if your heart is no longer in it, then it’s better to be honest.”

“we can certainly try. it will take time, but i’d rather have you in my life in some capacity than not at all.”

CHOSO KAMO. choso’s face fell, a look of shock and pain replacing his usual demeanor. “no, please,” he said, voice desperate, reaching out for you. “let’s talk about this, please. there has to be a way to fix things, love?”

it crushed your heart to see the agony in his eyes. “choso, it’s not something you can just fix. it’s how i feel.”

“is it something i did? how can i make things right?” he pleaded, every word cracking with emotion.

“it’s not about you. it’s just… i don’t feel the same way anymore.”

choso took a step closer. “i still love you,” he murmured, hanging his whole existence on it. “i don’t want to lose you.”

your heart ached at his words, knowing how much you were hurting him. “i know, choso. and i’m so sorry,” you said, your voice also breaking. “but i can’t change how i feel.”

“please,” he whispered, reaching out to take your hand and pulled you into a tight embrace. “don’t give up on us.”

“i just want you to be happy,” he murmured into your hair. “even if it’s not with me.”

@uzurakis

[cautiously0ptimistic]

Nolan 

Still reeling, I stumbled my way back upstairs to my room, narrowly avoiding clipping the banister with my hip as I came around the corner. Continuing in spite of it, I trudged clumsily across the room and threw myself back onto said precious bed with a sigh, hanging my head.   The faint jingle of Rea’s keys rung below, followed by the muffled thud of the front door slamming. My eyes rolled before I could stop them. She was gonna bug Mrs. Vega...for what, exactly? There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she was no privier to her daughter’s current whereabouts than either of us were, nor did she need the headache that the reminder would bring. At least I had the decency to spare her of it.  Twin telepathy was a hell of a thing.  I couldn’t deny that I’d found myself in a daze all morning, drifting through a stupor of foggy memories and old feelings under the blue neon of my bedroom lights. It was why I’d found myself staring blankly at the ceiling when my sister started her tirade downstairs, and why I found myself staring blankly at the ground now. I couldn’t even find it in myself to be truly annoyed with Reagan's antics or her attitude. I just felt...weird.  Somehow weirder now. 

Maybe it wasn’t twin telepathy, but my sister’s strange intuition...somehow...misdirected? I tried my best to rationalize the uncanniness of it all. What were the chances that my sister would force me out of bed to call the girl I’d spent the morning dreaming about, and the last decade trying to forget? 

We’d never talked about what happened. Neither of us were much of the talking type, and, besides, Sabrina’s absence was a wound we both ignored, for each of our own reasons. Part of me figured that Rea was just being willfully obtuse to its existence to begin with. I found it hard to believe she truly banked on the idea that her and Sabrina had some unshakeable bond that'd withstood the test of time and distance. My sister was many things—stubborn, perhaps; prideful, absolutely—but foolish was never one of them. There was no way she was still so disillusioned that she didn’t see exactly how little we’d all meant for Sabrina to move on from this town and everyone in it so easily. She’d left us all behind, maybe at different points, but in the dust, nonetheless. 

The truth didn’t make the wound any less there, though. Last night’s dream was certainly a grating reminder. 

Right on cue, familiar images of messy red hair, mascara-stained cheeks, and tangled lips and limbs flashed behind my closed lids. I tried to shake it all away; tried not to think too much about how she smelled like vanilla but tasted like strawberries, or how the roar of the bonfire nearby was no comparison to the heat seeping from her skin. If it wasn’t already clear, I was doing a damn bad job. 

Back in the day, I’d probably imagined that moment a million times before it finally happened, but now, everything in me wanted nothing more than to forget it. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t. The kids in that fantasy no longer existed, hadn’t for so long. We’d grown up somewhere along the way, and I had the facial hair and the credit score now to prove it. Kissing on swing sets, haunted dreams—it all felt so fucking juvenile. My fingers floated up to my temple, rubbing intense circles into my temporal artery as if I could massage the thought of her out of my head. 

What if something really was wrong, though? What if Rea’s sixth sense had struck again? The thought rose up my esophagus like reflux. 

If I had any sense of my own, I wouldn’t care. I would’ve discarded Sabrina the same way she so easily did to me. I wouldn’t still be dreaming or thinking of her in any capacity almost a decade after she left. However, I think it’d become immensely clear over the years that I was, in fact, entirely devoid of logic—at least when it came to Grey. 

Maybe my sister and I were more similar than I was willing to admit. 

I buried a wince into my palm at the mere thought of the nickname. It was only her middle name—nothing cute or clever that I’d thought up on the fly—but I was the only person she ever let call her by it. It was the closest thing to intimacy we had, something that only we shared. Things like that were few and far between for us, much like that night on the swing set. I knew she’d never told a soul about it because neither had I. Not even Rea. It remained our little secret, but at least it was ours. 

That was the last time I saw Sabrina. She left in the middle of the night for New York and took any chance of “goodbye” or “see you later” with her. I tried calling for weeks before finding out she’d still been in contact with Reagan the entire time.  

I never called again. 

That is, until today. 

I released another sigh into the atmosphere, somehow more melodramatic than the first. If something really was up, surely Reagan would get to the bottom of it, even if Sabrina’s mom ended up being a dead end. Once my sister put her mind to something, neither hell nor high water could stand in her way, especially if it came to her so-called best friend. I’d personally witnessed countless examples of that over the years. This would be no exception. 

Nonetheless, I wasn’t optimistic that I was remotely prepared for what she’d find, or if I even wanted to know in the first place. Worry began to gnaw at my fingertips like a school of hungry minnows. I flexed my hands against my face, my chest, my thighs, but the restless energy travelled like sparks through my veins. It didn’t take long before my entire body was practically vibrating—from anxiety or anticipation, I wasn’t sure. 

Guess I wasn’t going back to bed, after all. 

beginning | previous | next

[bnny0rgnz]

The Wayne Effect

I’ve learned three things while living in Wayne Manor:

Bruce is a very busy man, so he doesn’t have time to talk to me.

Bruce forgets about the promises or plans he makes with me.

I have an older brother. The only thing is, he isn’t my biological brother—but I’m fine with that.

My first encounter with my older brother was better than my first encounter with Bruce. Dick actually spoke to me, but he was awkward. He smiled at me—unlike Bruce. He shook my hand—unlike Bruce. And he said goodbye—unlike Bruce.

So why am I still invisible to both of them now?

Dick once promised he’d play a game with me to get to know me better, but he always forgot. "How about another time, yeah?" he’d say before disappearing again.

He forgets my name, the name Bruce gave me. How shocking. No matter how many times I try, he forgets about me. It must be because he’s busy, like Bruce. Or maybe... he has short-term memory loss.

I’d like to add something else to my list: 4. Dick has short-term memory loss and doesn’t know it.

Coldness wrapped around me as I stirred in my sleep. Whispers slithered into my ears. I gripped the covers, pulling them tighter around me as the darkness thickened. Then, I felt it—an eerie weight pressing down on me.

(Y/n...)

A whisper. My body stiffened.

(Wake up.)

My vision blurred as I forced my eyes open. A shadow hovered above me.

My mother.

(It’s me, your mother.)

I whimpered. My body wouldn’t move. The room darkened as she drifted closer, an eerie grin spreading across her lips. A single tear slipped down my cheek.

(Oh, you poor thing. Sweet, mourning lamb.)

Cold fingers traced my hair, brushing my cheek. I wanted to speak, to scream—but no words came out.

(Stop... this isn’t real. You’re dead.)

The air turned ice-cold. My mother’s voice became a cruel, lilting laugh.

(There’s nothing you can do.)

Her hands reached for my throat.

"STOP!"

I jolted awake, panting. The light from my curtains cut through the darkness. My hands trembled as I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead.

"It was just a bad dream," I whispered to myself, though my heart pounded against my ribs.

A knock at the door.

"Master Y/n, are you awake? It’s time for breakfast," Alfred’s calm voice called.

"Uh… yeah. I’ll be down in a bit."

I threw the blanket off and sat at my vanity. Grabbing a brush, I ran it through my hair, replaying a voice from the past.

"Always brush your hair when you wake up, after lunch, and before bed. This keeps it from getting frizzy. Never cut it. It must stay long. Do you hear me?"

I stayed silent. My mother’s fingers twisted into my hair, yanking my head back.

"I said, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Mother. I understand."

"Good. You must always listen to your mother."

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking the memory away. Voices echoed from downstairs—Dick, sounding excited. Bruce, uncharacteristically calm.

A new voice.

I stepped out of my room and walked downstairs. There, standing between Bruce and Dick, was a boy.

Jason Todd.

My new brother.

Jason was the best thing that ever happened to me at Wayne Manor. He acknowledged me. He made time for me, even when he was busy training. He played games with me, helped me with my homework, and read books with me.

One day, while we were out, we passed a streetlamp with a paper taped to it—a flyer for a ballet academy. Jason saw my interest and tore the number from the bottom.

Ever since then, I have attended ballet classes. I invited Bruce and Dick to my first recital, but they declined. Jason would’ve come, but it was his first night patrolling the city as Robin. Alfred recorded the recital for them, but no one ever watched it.

Then, Jason died.

The Joker killed him.

My world shattered. I cried myself to sleep every night. I waited up, hoping he'd come home—but he never did. Bruce locked himself away in his study, refusing to eat.

I prayed for Jason to come back. He never did.

A year passed. Jason returned—but he wasn’t Jason anymore. He ignored me, grunting whenever I spoke to him.

More people came into the house. More brothers. More family. More people who didn’t see me.

Dick forgot me completely. Bruce never acknowledged me. Cassandra didn’t talk to me. Damian insulted me. Jason ignored me. Stephanie was awkward around me but lively with everyone else. Barbara scoffed at me and walked away.

Wayne Manor wasn’t home. It never had been.

I hate it here. I’m not wanted here. I don’t belong here. What’s the point of me being here?

I sat alone in the living room, lost in thought. Then—

A knock on the door.

I blinked. Alfred wasn’t around, so I answered it myself.

A beautiful woman stood in the doorway.

"Wow… It’s you."

She smiled warmly. "Oh, hello. Y/n, right?"

She remembered my name.

"I believe we met last week when I came over."

I stared.

"You remember my name?"

"Of course. Why wouldn’t I?" she asked, stepping inside and removing her coat.

No one ever remembered me. Not like this.

"Say… I don’t think I gave you my name," she mused, adjusting her glasses.

"No, you didn’t," I admitted.

"Well, my name is Vivienne Heartland—but you can call me Vivi."

She reached out, softly patting my head.

"Hello, Vivi. You’re pretty."

The words tumbled out before I could stop them. My eyes widened, and I slapped a hand over my mouth.

Vivienne laughed. "Aww, that’s sweet. I appreciate the compliment. I guess it’s like the old saying—‘Pretty knows pretty.’"

I flushed.

"Is your dad around?" she asked. "I need to talk to him about something important. I tried calling him from the office, but he won’t pick up."

"Yes, he’s in his study."

"Thanks. See you around, Y/n."

Vivienne walked down the hall, her presence lingering like a warm ember in the cold house.

And for the first time in a long time—

I felt seen.

______________________________________________________________

A/N: Sorry this sucks guys, was really busy today!

[deqdlyowl]

I actually have some old doodles TPtR au related... This one portrays an event from the second chapter.

I have a few more things, but they're kinda spoilers and I'm not really into spoiling... Though one of them is just a spoiler of one interesting detail I want to add (the event my sketch shows most likely won't appear in the fic), while the other one is a WHOLE AHH SPOILER of the shit happening in, maybe like 10+ chapter, I'm still not sure how big I want to make the fic, ahaha.

Also rambling and venting out my feelings under the cut because I forgot to take my meds yesterday. You don't have to read but I would be happy if you do.

.

Every time I start something I like, it begins to feel like a small obligation after some time, no matter how I feel about the thing I create. I love my fic and I really want to finish it, because it's also a huge emotional boost for me when I understand that I passed my word count goal in the chapter and I finally can write down my 24/7 daydreaming about CotL (even if not all of them, I often think about selfship, sorry, ahaha),AND I have a nice feedback. BUT. My ability is to abandon things. I have many unfinished drawings, unfinished crafts, like, a crocheted Spycrab or a full-sized HHH tf2 weapon, even though I really want to finish it all, but since I took a really long break, I just abandoned it all. That's usually the reason why I don't make comics. (The only comic I've ever made is that one silly meme about bees). And a month ago I started writing TPtR.

I'm scared of this happening to my fic, that's why I force myself to write if I'm not doing so for more than two days. Somehow it boosts my motivation, but at the same time, the thought of having to force myself to do something, even if I love it, makes me anxious. Why am I not doing anything if I love it? Perhaps it's just my depression with AuDHD kicking in, and sometimes I forget to take my ADs (I don't have ADHD meds yet) that makes me suddenly apathetic about everything. And then anxiety. And then I get sad when I can't come up with words.

Today I was describing the thing I have no experience in. I made tonnes of research, watched many videos of how people do it, tried to find words, but it looks... Meh. And I'm sad. And when I'm sad about something I do, I abandon it. BUT I WON'T. I will force myself to not, because I still want to write! I try to reassure myself that it looks shitty because it's still a draft and written in my native language. However, if looking at my current word count, the chapter won't be short, and it makes me happy. I'm sad and happy. I'm confused about my feelings about what I do!! I can just abandon doing ANYTHING and be lazy for years as it happened in middle school! But I have to force myself. To do anything at all. I already bed rot when I'm not studying, and if I'm studying at home, I still do it in bed. I'm losing weight (I'm severely underweight), my dogs feel bad (they're almost 12), it's my final year in school so I also study hard for my finals, my dreams say weird things (I believe in dream-telling or whatever, and I kinda can decipher them) and it all devours me from inside. But I can't give myself a rest. Or. I'll. Abandon. The thing. I love!

I'm repeating, but my head repeats everything most of the time as well, it's either loud and messy (adhd) or quiet and agonizing (autism), my ADs make my body parts twitch, I don't think that I need my therapist anymore, because it feels like there's no different between me before and me after talking to her.

I love my friends though. Their cheerful reaction to my fic or sketch updates is something that also boosts my motivation of doing something. I love art because of the feeling of creating something, but after finishing, I get the desire to see someone's reaction to what I did.

That's all, I think. I mean, not all, but I don't want to repeat again and again, my memory is getting worse as well, I feel like I kin Shamura ahahahha. I want to take an MRI. What if I have a tumor.

[theheartsickdevil]

It is important to let go

{Ronin x reader that can't let go of their groomer}

Tw's: grooming, kind of my personal experience, implied murder

A/n: I couldn't finish this in one sitting lmao. If you're the person who requested the high school au I'm sorry but you've got to wait a little because I don't really want to think about school rn. In this fic there are some actual messages that we exchanged. If you or your friends are being groomed, please, I beg you to reach for help because these are the results. Please remember that grooming can also be your best friend's 24 years old boyfriend who's with a 16 years old. Also I'm sorry if this fic is shorter than the others lmao

*.• ☆ •.*

"Hey, sorry to disturb you, but since I did apologize for the way I blocked you so randomly, now I want an apology too. Why? Well maybe because of you and the fact that you kept trying to ""apologize"" for what you did using different numbers, I got so stressed I almost killed myself.

And about everything else, whether you did it “ironically” or just forgot about it, just know that it really hurt me back then. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, it seriously messed me up. I still remember crying near my parents, and it wasn’t just because of you, believe me, you weren’t the only one "who was hurt".

That said, the only thing I’m asking for is an apology for what happened between us. And since I was able to apologize- even though I was the acrual victim, I think you can take a moment to reflect and say sorry too.

I was 12 years old, almost 13. Now I'm literally the age YOU. were when this all happened. Don’t forget that."

You hit send. You couldn't believe it. After years you finally had the courage of asking him to apologize. But was it actually worth it? Maybe not.. guilt was literally eating you out, and before you could've hit the delete button, too late. He already readed that.

"Tf"

Was the only answer

Y/n: "please try to understand my feelings, just this once.."

"Yeah yeah I'm sorry I hurt you it hurts me seeing you like this I hope we're fine now"

Y/n: "I'm glad you apologised"

You felt like shit. What the hell was actually happening, why did you do this to yourself? This wouldn't have happened if you didn't accept that friend request last week, and now there you are, many years later, still feeling bad for this bastard. Tears started rolling on your cheeks as you got up and plopped down on your bed, sobbing as you hugged the plushie Ronin gifted you a few weeks ago for your birthday. That's when you heard someone calling you on your pc, and guess what? It was your amazing boyfriend Ronin. You immediately got up and waked back to the desk and sat down on your gaming chair before accepting the call. Before you could even say 'hi', Ronin hit you with a

"What are those tears on your cheeks for?"

In a kind of worried yet still teasing tone. You just sighed as you tried to explain what happened, and you heard Ronin take a deep sigh.

"Can you give me their @?"

"Why? What do you wanna do?.. If you try to say something about me he's gonna come for me.. he's going to.. ruin me.."

"If he dares to do something like that he's going to have a taste of my crowbar."

He said, in a more stern tone, you knew he was pissed, but he wasn't pissed with you, he was pissed with that bastard. How could he ask a 12 year old to touch themselves with him on vc and force them to watch anime games porn? That was absolutely disgusting. Ronin wanted to fucking ruin him. He was really sad he couldn't have helped you before.

"..fine, but don't try anything too extreme he's.. kinda chill now.."

"Darling let me take care of it, do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course I trust you."

After that, Ronin hung up the call. He looked more than pissed.. you've never seen him like that..

After some days, you noticed your groomer didn't upload or text you anything.. yet he was online and he read all your messages. It was strange.. you lowkey felt like something was off. Before you could send him another message, you felt a knock on your room's window. It was Ronin, and for the first time in ages he didn't come all bloody. You closed the chat and went to open the window.

"Missed me?"

"Mhhmm.. I was just about to call you.."

"Well good thing I'm here now"

He said, as he climbed in and sat on your bed. Your room was messy as fuck but he didn't mind, it was not like his room was better anyway. You straddled him and hugged him, as you laid your head on his chest.

"I made sure that bastard learnt his lesson.. and don't worry darling, you're safe now.."

You remained a little speechless as he said that.. you were happy he wasn't going to bother you no more but at the same time you were kinda sad.. you just nodded as a "thank you" and then you let yourself drown in his embrace.. you were safe.. he was finally gone from your life..

[admirationandromantics]

Going overboard, 6: Vengance

As you can imagine, this chapter does not feature Josh. I know! Scandalous, but it had to happen. It's also a very short chapter, but I'll make it up by posting the other one in not long (aka today). Hope you're still keeping up, can't wait for your reactions to the next one. Again, reminding people that my blog is 18+, and requests are open!

I wake up slowly, head hurting and nausea overtaking me. It takes a while for my vision to clear again. The last thing I remember is Josh being on top of me, kissing me, before forcing a mask on me, breathing in the substance. I try to get up, but find it impossible. I’m tied down to a chair, hands behind the back and feet in the front. My legs are tired, occasionally twitching from the overstimulation I suffered. He took off my shoes, which are lying on the opposite side, but I’m still wearing my normal clothes. The room itself is quite small, still made with concrete walls and floors. I look around, desperate for anything that can help me get out, but I guess he learned his lesson from the last time he locked me in. 

He tricked me. He went down on me, pleasing me, caressing me, just for me to be gassed and tied up. He manipulated me, using the worst of tricks to get me out of the way. Lying, manipulation, scheming… This is not the Josh I know, or even want to know. 

I suddenly get a sinking feeling. I remember finding his meds, his untouched ones. He’s definitely off his medications, but I didn’t know he would get this bad. He said that he’d been planning this for a long time, planning on putting his friends in misery and scaring them for their lives. Now I get why he didn’t want me here. I had nothing to do with it, but why, why hurt Chris then? Chris hadn’t done anything to him. None of this made sense, but in his head, it did. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He can’t. Who would do stuff like this to someone? 

“Pssst.” I jump, looking around for the voice. 

“Down here” someone whispers. I look around, noticing an opening with small grills. Behind, is Sam and Mike. 

“Oh my gosh, guys” I whisper. 

“Are you okay?” Mike asks, trying to look me up and down, but the chair makes it difficult. 

“I’m fine, but there’s this maniac-”

“We know” Sam states. “He tried to get me, but I managed to hide”

“No, no, you don’t know” I say, starting to get emotional. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Can you try getting over here?” Mike asks. I use my feet, and try to push towards the bars. It takes a couple of tries, but I make it. Mike takes out a machete, and cuts the ties on my arms. The blade glides, and makes several small cuts on my arm. 

“Ouch”

“Sorry”

I free my arms, turning around to get the blade from him. I cut the ties on my legs, standing up and getting my shoes. My legs are wobbly, tired and used up. Small tears form in my eyes, but I quickly dry them off. I walk back to them and sit down while dressing myself. 

“Mike, where’s Jessica, she’s not with you?” I ask, remembering how they left together. His eyes fill with dread, a sad look coming over him. 

“Jessica is dead.” My heart stops. No, she can’t be. 

“What?” 

“And there’s something else too” Sam adds. I dread the coming words. This can’t get worse. Maybe Josh faked Jessica’s death too. Maybe she’s also tied up in one of these rooms, safe. 

“Josh is dead too”

“No, wait, Sam”

“I saw it, the killer, he played a video, showing it to me”

“No, Sam, you don’t understand”

“We’ve got no time for this now” Mike interrupts. We both stay silent. He walks a couple of steps back. Pointing to something in the room. 

“There’s this door here, it won’t open. Think you can unlock it from your side?” I nod, standing up and opening the door out of the room. There’s a long hallway with two doors. The one to the left must definitely be them. I open the door for them, and they look at me with worry.

“I’m okay, just a little dirty” I say, completely forgetting about the blood. 

“Jeez, Mike, you look like hell”

“Nice to see you too”

Sam is wearing a training suit, red and black. It looks awfully familiar. 

“Beautiful as ever” I tell her. 

“At least someone thinks so” she says, looking up at Mike who rolls his eyes. 

Suddenly, we hear a bang, like something being shot. The sound repeats two more times afterwards. What the hell.  

“What was that?”

“I don’t know”

We all look at the closed metal door. I look at Sam, and she nods. We all push it, trying to get it open. Just as it does and we make our way inside, Chris and Ashley are sitting at a table. Chris with a gun against his neck. Before I can react, I hear another shot. 

[creative-kny-fics]

Hii! sooo, if requests are open, can I request lee obanai and ler giyu? I liked the ler Kaburamaru fix, so if you could make this fix a second part of the other, if not, ignore this! 💞

Yes. I hope it doesn't bother you, but, this fic contains ObaGiyuu's ship (Iguro Obanai x Giyuu Tomioka).

Lee: Iguro Obanai

Ler: Giyuu Tomioka

How far can trauma go? "It depends on the person", they are right, but what happens to that person who refuses to receive help because they believe they do not deserve it? Why do you think your blood is impure?

That was the dilemma of the serpent hashira, Iguro Obanai, he did not feel able to endure physical contact, he felt afraid.

'Iguro-San, I think you're not a bad person! You are one of my closest friends! You are so good and kind! You are amazing!' - M.K

'You're my best friend, what makes you think otherwise?' - S.S

'I understand that sometimes you feel inferior, but you are not. Despite the harshness of your words, you are someone very special, Obanai' - S.K

'I consider you my brother and I know that you are not bad! I know you act like that, but inside, you're a softie!' - K.R

'You shouldn't feel self-conscious, you're not a bad person. Just because your family is, doesn't mean you are too.' - T.U

'You are a cute cat and although cats are somewhat aggressive, with the right people, they change' - M.T

'You are someone who is sensitive, who enjoys talking to people. I know that you strive every day to improve and that gives me a good image of you' - G.H

'Iguro Obanai, I couldn't be happier with myself, my son. You are someone admirable and I know the weight you carry, but I assure you that you are not as bad a person as you think, you are just confused. The past, although it affects us, does not define our present in itself. I know that you feel undeserving of something because of your lineage, but that doesn't matter. You are you and I couldn't be more proud of it, Obanai, don't forget it' - K.U / O.S

Even with the good perspective that others had of him, he didn't feel the same.

The only one with the ability to understand him seemed to be Kaburamaru, after all, he saw all his suffering, he knew who Iguro Obanai truly was, he knew his insecurities, his thoughts, his feelings, everything...

'Kaburamaru, do you think... 'Do you think Tomioka... You know...?', Kaburamaru nodded.

It would sound absurd, but it was real, Giyuu Tomioka, the hashira who used to annoy Iguro Obanai, was now his romantic interest.

He doesn't know at what point he would have fallen for it, what had Tomioka done?

'Ugh... Of all the men, it had to be him...?! Damn, what's wrong with Tomioka? Sure, he's handsome, he has good hair, he protects you because he cares, his eyes are beautiful, his breathing style is majestic... Oh fucking mother, damn Tomioka, I curse you for liking me!'

Yes, that was a normal thing in the "conversations" between Kaburamaru and his owner. This conversation was interrupted by the aforementioned hashira.

Whoever it was, he had asked Giyuu Tomioka to come to his estate, and it was very likely that he had heard everything, oh god... 'What brings you here, Tomioka?'

'Well, Oyakata-Sama told me that we had a joint mission today, so, I came to tell you on my own. Do you agree with it?'

'Yeah, sure...', Giyuu closed the door and approached him.

Obanai looked up, why the hell hadn't he left?! He got up and adjusted his haori, he didn't have time for it, it was bad enough that their joint mission was with him. However, Giyuu did the unthinkable and gave him a hug.

'W-what the fuck are you doing?!'

'Huging you. Isn't it obvious?'

'Let go of me you idiot! This is weird! Get away from me!'

But Tomioka didn't listen, instead he put a little more force into the hug and his eyes sparkled a little when Obanai stopped fighting and timidly accepted his hug.

Obanai closed his eyes, despite his cold demeanor, his hug felt so warm, his heart liked the feeling and he simply couldn't refuse the hug.

'Sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I know we don't have the best friendship, but you seemed to need it'

'Yeah, well, thanks, I guess. I didn't expect it, but, I can't complain...'

'Well, then, see you at night?'

Obanai wanted to nod, but wait until night? He could, of course, but damn, he hated it when his feelings betrayed him and his body moved or talked to itself, and before he realized it, he had already invited Giyuu to stay with him a little longer.

'Well, what would you like to do? Would you like me to stay silent or would you like to talk?', damn...

Obanai didn't know, on the one hand, if he stayed silent, he could see him better, he could get closer to him and so on, but also, if Giyuu spoke, he had not had a long conversation with him before, perhaps it was the opportunity to listen to his voice for longer, what was the best option?

'Obanai, do you like me?'

'What?'

'I asked, do you like me?'

What kind of question was that? Of course, not only that, he liked him, he loved him, he wanted Giyuu Tomioka to be his lover, that was the reality but... Could they both be together?

Wasn't it what people would say that terrified him, he was terrified of not being enough for him, would he still love him if he knew his origins? If he knew what was hidden under those bandages? If he knew who he really was...? Still, would he want it...?

'Iguro?', Giyuu called after him, but he shook his head.

Giyuu then understood, how absurd it had been to ask, obviously there was no way, after all "his rat face is what pisses me off."

Obanai watched him get up, he didn't understand, until he realized that he had never answered the question and his only "answer" had been the movement of his head. 'Tomioka...'

'Do you think we'll meet at night?'

'No, please stay. Please...'

Obanai's voice heard different, of course, it already sounded different because of the bandages, but this time, it sounded so broken, it sounded disappointed, he had never heard him speak that way.

He didn't argue and returned to his seat, facing each other; he had never had that closeness with him.

'Forgive me, I didn't shake my head because I didn't like you, I was thinking too much, let's just say it was more to bring me back to reality', oh, so that was it.

Giyuu nodded and opened his eyes slightly when Obanai got even closer to him, such a normal connection felt... 'Tomioka...'

'Yes?' 'Would you like to go eat something?'

Go eat something? Something like, a date? Well, it didn't bother him, but he suggested something better...

'How about we go and order food to eat here at your house? Of course, if doesn't bother you', bother him? Damn, of course not, it just made him like he more.

And said and done, that's it, they ordered their food and took it home, definitely the best meal they've both had so far.

'You don't plan to eat?' 'I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or feel disgust' 'Why would I?'

And that's where Kaburamaru comes in, who was watching the whole situation, even knowing what it entailed, he made the decision that seemed appropriate and released some of the bandages from Obanai, who quickly covered himself and turned around.

'Kaburamaru, what the hell have you done...? Damn... Just when we were so good... Huh?', his anger dissipated.

Giyuu approached from behind, holding him by the cheeks and staring at him, his fingers soon slipped and lowered the bandages that hid the truth, but it didn't seem to bother him. 'Tomioka? Hey idiot, I'm talking to you!'

'Sorry, it's just that, you're even cuter without your bandages...'

Obanai's eyes lit up and a small blush formed on his cheeks, what was wrong? Was it perhaps for the compliment? Was it because he shouldn't have doubted that Giyuu would disgust him? Everything was so confusing.

'Tomioka...' 'You can call me Giyuu. Of course, if you don't mind'

'It's okay, Giyuu.', whatever the answer mattered, there was no reason to have doubts anymore.

Obanai felt calm and this time, he did not deny him the hug, he felt so calm and he liked how Giyuu caressed his head, it made him feel happy.

'Can I see a smile?'

'Don't be a hypocrite, you don't smile either'

'And when they tickle me?'

Oh, right, well, he wasn't going to deny that he's enjoyed seeing him laugh many times, but that's not the point, why the hell did his mind wander so much when it came to him?

Giyuu looked at Kaburamaru as Obanai once again got into his thoughts, he clung to his cheek and rubbed his head against it, he seemed to understand what he wanted, just, he hoped that Obanai wouldn't mind.

'Forgive me for what I will do'

'Huh? E-ehehehe...'

'Are your cheeks ticklish?', yes, but he didn't have to know that.

Giyuu chuckled and gently nibbled on his cheeks, becoming even more captivated when a light blush formed on Obanai's cheeks and he began to laugh.

Unconsciously, his hands moved down to his lower back and he used just one finger to swipe it, smiling when the smaller one arched his back and tried to swat his hand away.

'Whahahat a-ahaHAre you dohohoihihing?!'

'I wanted a smile, wow, first your cheeks are ticklish and now your lower back is too. Can you be even cuter? I guess there's only one way to find out...'

'Hu-huh?! Stohohop thihihis! Tohomiohokahaha! Pleheahasehehe!'

[shunin-gumis]

Nagi Hachinoya Novel

Essence of a Bouquet

Track 01 - Secret Energy that can attract Happiness

Please note that the novel contains some major spoilers in regards to Nagi's past that is revealed in L4mps main story before you read!

The dialogues do not actually state who is speaking, but I noted it anyways to make it easier to understand.

"Now, let us dive deep into the sea of memories…"

As if guided by the voice I hear from the podium, I close my eyes, and dive deep into the depths of my memories.

The earliest memory I have is that of my mother, the two of us having fun at a park.

The fresh and vibrant four-leaf clover.

The happy times, immediately followed by our separation at the laundromat.

The moment I learned that the scent of partings was the smell of fresh laundry.

'……'

I open my eyes.

'Why did you have to leave me behind…'

'I want to go back to that day, a day that should have been filled with happiness.'

In the corner of a special venue in mahorova, I look around and see the avatars all around me were in tears. I had already come to terms with what happened with my mother, so I didn't join them in their tears. But I could still understand their feelings very well.

If it were truly possible for me to return to that day, I would be willing to make any sacrifice. That's what it means to be 'sad'.

This was the orientation for beginners who want to join the "Society of Secret Energy to Attract Happiness". The gathering had around 30 members, and since everyone was in their anonymous avatars, there was no way to tell anyone's age nor gender.

The person talking at the podium was known as the Flower Princess, Master Hideko. She was the one responsible for leading this gathering. She had the avatar of an old woman in her sixties… but I had a feeling that's how she looks in real life as well.

Master Hideko looked around as everyone was crying, and with a solemn yet gentle expression on her face, she started speaking.

Hideko "Please, dry your tears. I am certain that you will all be able to return to those happy days once again. "Good fortune" is simply an energy that attracts happiness based on the principle of attunement wave function, in other words if you can access your "Secret Energy", you can-"

She was using a lot of technical terms, but it was very informative. I'm glad I attended.

After joining HAMA Tours, although I was late to the party, I started browsing videos on dazzle. Strangely enough, after a bit of searching, I found that my feed was full of videos that were related to luck.

One day, I asked Buchi-san about it while I was in the living room with him.

Nagi "Seeing all these videos on the topic of luck, I wonder if it's all the rage these days…"

He responded with-

Daniel "That's just the target algorithm doing it's job."

Nagi "Algo-huh?"

Daniel "I mean, it's because you keep watching those kinds of videos all the time- ah forget it. It's too much of a pain to explain."

Nagi "So what does it mean?"

Daniel "Yeah it's all the rage, but only in your phone."

-Is what he said.

I thought it was popular because it was effective, so I'd immediately applied to join the gathering.

I myself had a predisposition that made me attract bad luck proportional to the happiness that I receive. But rather than simply wanting to be happy for the sake of being happy, I wanted to be able to spread happiness through my flowers, which meant I had to be happy first.

Hideko "Say it together now, Secret Energy!!"

Master Hideko's voice grew louder. As if everyone was pulled by an invisible force, they all stood up together. I got up in a hurry as well.

"Secret Energy!"

"Secret Energy!!"

Before I knew it, everyone was chanting "Secret Energy" over and over while hugging the person next to them.

I see, this is the power of "Secret Energy".

Everyone was hugging the person next to them as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

In which case, the person next to me…

Black cat avatar "Secret Energy!"

When I looked over, a person with a black cat avatar was already waiting with their arms wide open.

Nagi "Secret Energy!"

That's why I returned the hug as well.

I don't think I've ever hugged anyone before, but now that I have, I could feel my heart being filled even in this virtual space.

I don't even know this person, and even if it's just through virtual avatars, this is not something that I'd experience normally. Is this one of the secrets to happiness?

As a matter of fact, the avatar in front of me seemed quite happy. There was something about it that made you feel a connection, beyond age, gender or even words.

Once again, Master Hideko's voice full of love washed over us.

Hideko "The next gathering will be for the intermediate level, so make sure you all do your assignments before you attend!"

Nagi "Phew… that was quite the passionate session."

I got a glimpse into ways of increasing happiness from a perspective that's different from mine. As I thought, it was good thing that I participated today.

Just as I was about to log out, I felt a tap on my shoulder-

Black cat avatar "Hello again! I just wanted to say, it was a really fulfilling time despite being a beginner's session."

It was the person with the black cat avatar.

Nagi "I agree. I'm looking forward to the next session."

Black cat avatar "Right!"

Since I felt like I shared in some happiness with this person, I couldn't help talk with them at that moment.

Apparently, he was a 35 year old male. Although I was one generation younger than him, he didn't mind at all and was very frank, all smiles.

Black cat avatar "I'm glad I got to meet someone I can get along with! Feel free to talk to me the next time you see me!"

Nagi "Yes, I will."

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 /Part 5

[anemonelovesfiction]

I Don’t Hate You

Ao’nung x Fem! Human! Reader

Warnings ⚠️ : Oral (fem receiving), cussing, MDNI 🔞

Thank you to whoever requested this, this is for you ❤️

I didn’t proof read as I am my own beta reader and I’m at work, sorry if its not too smutty for you, if it was actual smut it would have been too long!! As always English is stricken through

Translation Station

Tawtute: Sky Person (human)

Marui: Home (in Metkayina)

Ma’ite: my daughter

Innui- (ee-new-ee): made up name for Ronals youngest child

Tsahik: Spiritual healter; Shaman

Vrrtep: Demon

Sa’nok: Mother

Tsmuke: Sister

Iknimaya: Rite of Passage

Tsurak: Warriors mount

Syulang: Flower

Tewng: Loincloth

Word count 2.8k

I was only acting in the way everyone else had expected me to. Given the predicament I was in- a tawtute won the hearts of not one but both my parents, leading to a ritual in which the three of them were mated- I would say what I had currently just said to my newest sibling was up to par with what anyone else in the village believed I would say. Something hurtful about her extra digit, something about her looks, something about her size, how much of an inconvenience she was; and I’d said all of them. She was a shy thing and often spoke to Tsireya in a hushed voice, my sister had welcomed her and her mother in with open arms, but I was yet to be won over, but I was truly happy for my parents for having found their missing piece, I just wish she weren’t a tawtute, or that her daughter was unbelievably beautiful.

Her lips thin in an attempt to stop herself from crying but the fat tears in her eyes were a dead giveaway that what I had said had hurt her, and even though this was the last thing I wanted to do to the beauty that stood before me, I knew it was expected of me to hate her, so I acted like I did. My ears flicker and become downcast as I hear her sniffle, once more attempting to keep in her tears before they spilt on her cheeks, and she managed to look as beautiful as the day I first saw her.

Without another word she turns briskly and starts running in the direction she had come from, my heart hurts as I notice she picks up her hand to wipe what I assume are her tears, her sniffle causing my ears to perk up in an attempt to continue listening to her, I sigh. I want to chase after her and apologize but there were people watching.

_________

“Thats why I don’t talk to him, mama, I can’t keep-“ I stop as soon as the marui pod’s curtain was drawn back and Ronal -my stepmother- walks in, I don’t bother continuing the conversation and force myself to look away from her stare, one look and I’m sure I’d spill everything I’d just told my mom.

I make an effort to speak in English to my mom in order to prevent anyone from eavesdropping, but she had started teaching Ronal and Tonowari the language so they understand what the humans who drop supplies off say and they’re picking up on it very well. I’m starting to feel as though no one is on my side anymore.

“Ma’ite-“ She coos as she runs her thumb on my cheek gently, I only pout at her response, knowing she’d switched to Na’Vi so Ronal would understand clearly.

“What is wrong, you look bothered, are the village boys being mean to you again?” Ronal asks as she settles the newest addition to the family down, I only avoid my mothers gaze and watch as the baby starts crawling around curiously checking everything out before smiling widely and crawling faster toward where my mother and I stood. She worked quickly to make her way toward me and wobbly stood herself by using my thighs as support, she reached the length of my mid thigh in full height and she was only nine months old.

“Forget it.” I mumble before gently shifting Innui to support herself on my mother, making sure she was stable before walking out of the marui without sparing a glance toward the tsahik.

I don’t bother lifting my head off the knitted walkway as I’ve slipped on it and ended up with one foot through the hole one too many times, a bad habit I’d created as I walked on the beach, looking at the sand seep through my toes with every step I took, not bothering to check my surroundings. Although if I’m honest I would have thought that I wouldn’t be bothered since it was almost dinner time and a majority of people were starting to wash up to prepare food.

“Hey little freak, what are you doing out here alone?” My back stiffens and my head is immediately snapping up at the sound of his voice, a shiver runs through my body as I slowly turn my head and coming face to face with one of Ao’nungs lacky’s, the one I stupidly mistaken for Rotxo when I first met him, but he was so unoriginal I didn’t bother learning his name.

“I’m not a freak.” I responded while still keeping my back to him.

“I’m sure your fourth finger would beg to differ, you’re so weird, yet so interesting.” He stated clearly and I could feel my face growing hot at his words. He always has to find a way to torment me and I thought I’d escaped it until tomorrow but I was wrong. I could feel my body tensing in anger and I’d rather not blow up and give him another reason to hate me, so I turn around to finally face him.

“Four fingers or not-“ I lifted my hand to show him my fingers and wiggling them for added effect “-I am not weird.” I managed to get through without stuttering.

“With the way you act I’d think the reason you torment me is because you like me.” I roll my eyes as I cross my hands at my chest and notice his hairless brows furrowing, giving me an angered expression, he sneers and gets close to my face, causing me to back up.

“I would never like someone as worthless and useless as you. Get that through your thick tawtute head, you are undesirable and it is unclear how your vrrtep sa’nok managed to sneak her way into our clan leaders home.” He places a finger on my chest and pushes me rather harshly, causing me to fall on my bum.

“What is going on.” An angered voice spoke from behind me, the unmistakable sound of my step-brothers voice ringing through the air, I furrow my brows in confusion before turning to look at him, seeing the water droplets falling from his skin and hair, he must have gone for a swim before dinner.

“Your vrrtep tsmuke was mouthing off to me-“ He begins with his lies to justify why he’d pushed me but I scoff at his words before feeling Ao’nung reaching down to lift me up, I’d never felt his skin before and even though he’d just stepped out of the water it was warm.

“She is not a vrrtep, she is family, you do not go around pushing Tsireya like this, do you?” Ao’nung is quick with his words and doesn’t let his act of lifting me up deter his staring contest with Great Value Rotxo- Rotxo from wish? I try not to giggle at my thoughts.

“I am only treating her how you do. Is it only okay for you?” He asks with a slight snarl.

“Leave her alone.” He stated in an authoritative voice and my knees almost buck, he almost sounded like his father, I would be lying if I didn’t find my step father attractive, but I couldn’t bring myself to think of him that way.

Wish Rotxo shifts his eyes down to my blank expression, before they dart up above my head at what I could only assume was my step-brother, his face showing annoyance and anger before turning around and walking away without another word.

“Stop getting into trouble, you always need my help-“

“Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t ask for your help, you just came up here flaunting your-“ I stop myself as he looks at me the way his mother stared at mine after yelling in English, understanding of the action but not the language. I roll my eyes and squeeze them shut before taking a calming breath, letting a sigh roll off my body as I pinched the bridge of my nose, and looking up at my step brother.

“I didn’t ask for your help.” I stated in Na’Vi “I had the situation under control.”

“That is what you call ‘under control’, getting harassed by a man and being pushed by the mere strength of his finger?” He scoffs as he crosses his arms.

“How is that any different than what you do? You hate me just as much as he does. I didn’t know you wanted to be the only one who tortures me.” I roll my eyes and deliver the same amount of sass back to him.

“I don’t hate you.” He stares directly through my soul as he says these words and a shiver runs up my spine.

“You only say the mean things you’ve said to me if you hate someone, so do not lie to me and pretend you don’t-“

“I do not hate you.” He moved closer in a matter of a millisecond, his face close enough to touch mine, but he’s being serious.

“Ao’nung, stop lying, you don’t treat Tsireya the way you treat me.” I huff and cross my arms once more.

“Thats because I’m not in love with her.” He stated matter-of-factly and I open my mouth to yell at him for how he’s treated me some more but the sudden confession hits me like a ton of bricks.

“You-“ I stare at him as he nods slightly “-Me?” I ask as I point to myself and see him nod once more.

“But I-“ I stop as I attempt to analyze the situation.

“-and you!” I use my hand to signal to him and stop from speaking once more, lowering myself to the sand as I attempt to process it, yet am unable to. I can see he’s also sunken down to squat near me, paying close attention to me.

“Why?” I finally ask. His hand reached out to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“Because of who you are.” He shrugs.

“You’re kind to everyone in my family even when I wasn’t kind to you. You’re quick to learn a lot of things especially when it came to helping our parents spend some tome together by taking care of Innui. You’re adorable when you hold my baby sister in your tiny hands, especially when you make that face.” He points at me as I listen to him.

“Oh I get it, this is a joke.” I slap his finger away with the back of my hand and start to laugh.

_________

Her head tilted back and the melodious sound of her laughter made me angry at first, but the angle at which she held her head was perfect in showcasing the tattoo on her neck, the design she’s carefully chosen after passing her iknimaya- even as a tawtute she managed to bond with a tsurak, making me hopeful in her ability to bond with a mate. And not just any mate, me.

Some feeling must have overtaken me as my fingertips dance around the flesh of her neck, following the tattoo down toward her collar bones where they stop, her laughter had died down as soon as I’d touched her and my ears perk up at the slightest gasp mixed with a moan, my eyes darken as she backs up quickly, my first instinct was to grasp her by her neck, scooting closer to her.

“What are you-“

“Shh,” I shush her as my other hand carefully slides down the length of her arm and allowing myself to divulge in the smooth feeling of her soft skin. I finally take her small hand in mind and gently bring it up to my lips, eyes staring at hers, and kissing her knuckles gently.

“I. Do. Not. Hate. You.” I enunciate my words while using my thumb to caress the tattoo on her neck.

“Okay,” she mutters breathily, seemingly in a daze.

“Do you believe me now?” I ask as I get close to her face and watch her dazed stare, I can feel her breath quicken and grow heavier, her mouth slightly agape.

“Please-“ she stops herself from speaking and y hand instinctively presses on her neck, urging the words to slip out of them.

“Tell me syulang, please what?”

“Kiss me,” her eyes only focus on mine as I lean in and touch my lips toward hers, her the softness of her mouth on my lips had me feeling as if Eywa had taken me up to live with her, my entire being felt complete with this little tawtute.

I push my knees on the sand below, letting go of her neck and allowing my hand to wanter up her delicate cheek, my other hand pulling her waist closer toward me.

She nips at my lower lip and I back off immediately, wondering if the reason for her doing that was because I’d somehow been too rough or hurt her in any way, just to see her smiling shyly instead. Reaching her hands out to grasp my face, pulling me closer and looking into my eyes before leaning in and kissing me again.

I run my fingers along the rest of her body just wanting to feel all of her, feeling how her skin raises under my fingers and prickling a bit, making an effort to run my hands against her back and feeling her wriggle in my grasp.

“Fuck,” The foreign word escapes her mouth, drunk off her scent I continue kissing down her neck where her tattoo sat and hearing her beautiful moans.

“Wait, ‘Nung-“ She gasps as I gently nip at the skin on her neck and shivers at the feeling.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask in a serious tone.

“N-no,” She murmurs.

“Then why wait?” I ask as my arm snakes around her waist again.

“The water-“ She turns her head to point at the tide and I feel the heat rise up in my chest. Whenever we choose to mate we usually do so in the water, and the fact that she remembered that made me feel happy, this was definitely the woman I wanted to mate with.

“Come.” I stand and gently tug on her arm as I walk toward the water.

_________

My tewng was pushed to the side, his mouth was working on my pussy, his tongue swished along the side of my clit, his hands were playing with my nipples, and my back was up against the rock of the retaining wall. I was furiously bucking my hips and attempting to keep my moans to a minimum in case other Na’Vi were nearby.

I could see the cook fires in the distance but they didn’t matter when my pussy was being devoured skillfully by the man who tore up my feelings, now he’s just tearing me up, and I loved it. I squeeze my thighs around his head as his tongue slides against a particularly sensitive area pf my clit, making me his tongue continue to slide over that same area, my nipples are being squeezed and I can feel myself losing control.

“I’m coming, ‘Nung-“ I gasp as I let go, the explosive feeling making my hips buck on their own accord and the waves of the ocean lapping up over my already sensitive stiffened nipples added another sense of euphoria. His hands had abandoned them and taken place to hold my thighs close to him as I came down from my high until I went lax in his hold.

He pops his head out from under the water with a smirk on his face, his first breath in wasn’t even that deep and made my cheeks sting at his previous words before he’d sunken under.

“Let me show you just how long I can hold my breath,”

“Wipe that smirk off your face.” I roll my eyes tiredly, I was just happy I’d already given him a hand job and half a blowjob before he’d gone down on me.

“I’m good.” He doesn’t even bother making it sound like a question at this point.

“Practice makes perfect I guess.” I joke and he can tell my underlying comment meant I knew he’d done this with other girls before.

“Yet none have ever tasted as sweet as you, syulang.”

“Sure,” I mumble as I reach over to grab my top, expertly putting it on my body in a quick fashion.

“Are you upset with me?” He asks as he places a gentle hand on my arm.

“No you big doofus, we need to go to dinner before ur parents think we’re out murdering each other,” I laugh lightly and his smile returns.

“I like seeing your smile.” I mutter almost too quiet, but his ears flicker when I say that, his cheeks turning a purplish color.

“I like seeing you.” He smiles sheepishly, something I’d never see him do before.

“I see you,” I mutter.

“I see you as well.”

[xhmeusworld]

a perfectly good heart | jeon wonwoo

genre: angst, comfort! bf wonwoo, established relationship

pairings: jeon wonwoo x gender neutral reader

warnings: reader is going through a difficult time, mentions of depression, and reader makes a comment about not wanting to exist

word count: 871

note: lately life has just been throwing me for a loop and as a result, i wrote this. i just want everyone to know that you have a purpose in life. regardless of how big or small, it means so much that you are here and my messages are always open to talk.

no one understands another’s pain. not truly.

words and actions can only explain so much, but no matter what someone says, the extensiveness of the pain can not be conveyed. that’s what you thought.

but as jeon wonwoo held you against him, he swore he could feel everything. the pure turmoil and agony. it felt like his soul was on fire, the flames forcing their way out and racing across his limbs.

the shakes that tore through your body and the struggled breaths through the tears made him hold you tighter, wanting to do anything to provide some sort of comfort. some sort of relief to the despair you felt.

instead, he felt helpless. what could he do? did he have the power to do anything? he wanted to tell you that everything you believed about yourself was wrong. he wanted to tell you that your brain was lying. he wanted to tell you so many things, but he wasn’t even sure if you could hear him right now.

your words from earlier rang in his ears.

“life has no set timeline. I understand that. I hear that every single day from so many people and it’s supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. because then I think about it in terms of years and the longer I am floating around without a plan or a goal, the less likely I am to feel connected to everyone around me. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be the friend that is left alone; still wandering through life while everyone else has careers.”

the future was a scary thought. wonwoo understood that. the unknown of where you could end up in five years was terrifying, especially with no set plan. but sometimes things like this were meant to happen. maybe you were being led onto another path that you just didn’t know about yet.

“and I feel like I’m such a bad friend to literally everyone. i can hardly muster up the courage or energy to speak to some of closest friends. they have reached out, but i just find myself unable to reply and it hurts because i know the despair i’m feeling is my fault. i am so mentally weak. cutting everyone off makes my soul hurt so bad because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but my brain keeps constantly saying over and over that I’m a burden. I’m annoying. if i reach out, I’m taking time away from their lives; interrupting whatever important thing they have going on. and even through all of this, i’m lonely and i’m scared that everyone will forget me. I know none of this is true. I understand that, but god, I feel so weak and helpless.”

wonwoo wanted to scream. it hurt to hear you admit how lonely you felt and he instantly felt guilty himself as a result of his touring schedule, but you were in no way a burden to him or anyone else in your life. you just weren’t. there was absolutely no way you could be to the l people who loved you the most in the world. you weren’t weak or helpless. you were just scared. he wanted to tell you, he wanted to engrain into your head, that fear was normal. nothing was wrong with you being afraid.

“i’m a disappointment to my parents; to everyone that believed in me. I used to be so happy and now I feel incredibly stupid and I’m just filled with regret and anger. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I wish I was one of those people who knew exactly what they are doing with their life, but I’m not and I hate it. instead, i’m here with a void in my heart.”

your voice was thick with tears that you were desperately trying to hold back. wonwoo thought you were going to start sobbing right then, but somehow you managed to keep your composure to talk once again.

“i’m just so ashamed myself. I’m so utterly and truly an embarrassment and a failure that sometimes I’m even afraid to face you.”

that’s when your boyfriend grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him as he insisted almost angrily that you weren’t a failure. you were doing what was best for you. you were trying to take it one day at a time. there was no shame or crime in that. wonwoo was so proud of his person. so so very proud.

“i see no light or hope at the end of the tunnel right now”

these were the last words you spoke before you fully broke down, burying your face into his chest.

and no matter what you thought, jeon wonwoo could feel your pain and he held you tightly against him, tears streaming down his cheeks as well. his grasp tightened with each one of your sobs in hopes that if he only held on a little stronger, maybe he would be able to put you back together. he kissed the top of your head. he whispered that you were safe and loved and that you weren’t alone.

because he knew it hurt to be alone.

[atinyjules]

How We Had An Angel Ft. Lee Haechan

A/n: Happy Haechanie Dayy 🥹💛✨️💫 This is a birthday special for our sunshine! I wasn't gonna do this since I was busy, but considering everything my love is going through, I had to! My boy is so precious and amazing. The allegations were so bad. If I think it's really bad, imagine how hard he must be having it.

Haechan is my sunshine, and I love him so much! So this is dedicated to my amazing and adorable fullsunand all the sunflowers (cause as one myself, ik how everyone must be feeling)💛✨️💫☀️

Haechanie, you are sooo loved 🩷🌸

This font for foreign language and thoughts.

I haven't done a dad au in forever so I thought I might as well write one for how they had Chaein 🥹

Genre: new dad au, a little angsty, romance, fluff, humor

Pairings: Lee Haechan X Fem Oc

Warnings: swearing

The house was chill with tension as the only daughter of the family sat in front of her parents, eyes staring down at the ground. Too scared to face her parents. She flinched a little when her father cleared his throat.

"Hina, did our family's teachings and morals still not get ingrained into your mind?" Her father said in a low, calm tone.

"Dad, I-" her father raised his hand up to stop her from speaking.

"No. I think your actions have said everything. We sent our daughter to Korea to study... and we came all the way from Japan to see how well she was doing... only to find oushe got pregnant by some korean punk. We'llschedule you for abortion." Hina's dad said making her widen her eyes and look at her father in shock.

"I know... that we made a mistake. But... Donghyuck is not just some Korean punk... I love him dad, we love each other... you can't just decide everything on your own." She said making her father scoff.

"So you were so crazy in love that you ended up creating a baby at 19? You are too young, too young to know what love is and too young to be a mother. Are you even sure he loves you?" Her father spat making Hina's eyes gloss up.

"Honey." Her mother looked at her father with a worried look.

"We didn't mean to create a child! And I know for a fact that he loves me.... because he was more caring and understanding about the situation than my own family. He makes me forget about the expectations and pressures you put on me... he makes me feel like myself when I'm with him. We're keeping the child." Hina said in a shakey tone before walking out.

"Hina!" Her mother called out for her as her father went red with rage.

Hina's

I aggressively wiped my tears as I walked towards the park to cool down. I breathed irregularly while walking but I abruptly stopped in my tracks when I saw a familiar figure slumped on the bench.

"Donghyuck..." I called out to him making him look up. The sight of his bruised face and busted lip making me gasp and run to his side.

"What happened?!" I asked as I cupped his face and looked at his face.

"Nothing, nothing happened. Don't worry." He said in a calm tone with a smile making tears brim my eyes. Knowing that his father hurts him I began crying at the thought of his father hurting him because of the pregnancy.

"It's not okay... it's all my fault-" Donghyuck quickly cupped my cheeks and kissed my lips.

"Don't. You aren't at fault. It's my fault for putting you in this situation. I love you okay... I'll protect you, I promise." He said making me sob as I hugged him.

"Dad wants me to abort." I sobbed as I hugged him making him tense before letting out a breath and hugging me tight.

"It's your choice... I can't really force you to keep the baby. I'll still love you no matter what your decision is." Donghyuck said making me break the hug and look at him.

"I... do you... want the baby?" I asked making his eyes soften.

"If given the chance... yes. I love you and our child. And I'll still love you if you decide not to keep it. But if you do consider... I promise... you won't have to worry about anything. I'll take care of everything." He said making me break into a sob.

"I'm scared... I want the baby too... but I'm scared dad might force me to let go of the baby." I said in a shakey tone making him wipe my tears as he smiled.

"Why are you worried? I'm here... your father will have to get past me first." He said while caressing my hair.

"You've suffered enough because of me... now let me suffer for you. I'll cry for you and I'll scream for you. Let me give back the love you gave me." Donghyuck said making me shake my head.

"That's not fair..." I cried making him chuckle.

"When have I ever been fair? All you need to do is think of a name for our little angel." Donghyuck said and booked my nose, making me giggle.

After having a talk with Donghyuck, we stood outside my apartment hand in hand, ready to face my family. As promised, Donghyuck personally asked to speak with my parents. After entering we the whole atmosphere was quiet until he spoke up.

"I deeply apologize for being so indecent and getting your daughter pregnant. I take full responsibility. But please... let our child live, I promise I'll take care of your daughter and our child with all my heart." Donghyuck said with his head touching the ground in a full bow making me feel touched as I stood up and sat next to him, before fully bowing.

"Dad, please... let us keep our baby." I said as I bowed making mom look at dad.

"You don't have a job, nor a house... how are you gonna raise a child?" He spoke making Donghyuck sit up straight and look at dad in the eye.

"I'll get a job... and a house. I'll do everything you say." He said firmly making dad look at me.

"He's stupid. Making big claims. But since he's so insistent, I wanna look for myself just how much of the things he claims he can do." Dad said making me widen my eyes.

"Thank you, dad." I said and bowed deeply as Donghyuck joined me.

A month after that we had a court marriage and a small dinner. Donghyuck's dad didn't attend but as long as we had each other it didn't matter. Although dad had his doubts, Donghyuck was able to get a decent job and with the help of his friends, he got a cute little house for us in the country side which was big enough to house us and one child.

"Hyuck..." I called out his name as we sat hand in hand at our corridor watching the sunset.

"Yes, love?" He said in a loving tone as he looked at me with adoration.

"I love you. And I know our daughter will love you too." I said with a knowing smile as tears glossed my eye. Donghyuck widened his eyes as he stood up.

"WE'RE HAVING A GIRL?!" He exclaimed making me nod as I began crying. Donghyuck cupped my cheeks and kissed me before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I love you so much! Thank you, thank you!" He exclaimed making me giggle as he wiped my tears.

"Oh my gosh... PINK! WE NEED TO PAINT THE HOUSE PINK!" He exclaimed and ran inside making me smile as I looked at my bump.

"Look at how excited dad already is for you." I said with a smile as I caressed my bump.

×××

Time went on and the Lee household soon had an angel in their arms. In the form of baby Chaein who definitely won the hearts of the otherwise angry grandparents. It was as though the light of happiness and success shone on the family.

"Dada... say Dada." Donghyuck said slowly in order for his daughter to follow his words.

"What are you doing?" Hina came in the room to see her husband and their 10 month old baby.

"She's too young to be able to say that." His wife said making him shake his head.

"Not our daughter. There's a prodigy in our family and it's her. I know she can do it. Say daaa daaa." He said in a sing song voice.

"Dadaaa" He continued making their daughter laugh.

He went on singing Dada for weeks until one day when he was asleep and Hina wasn't home she said her first words without anyone's knowledge.

"Dada." Little Chaein said with a smile without anyone ever finding out. Was she really a prodigy?

I feel asleep while writing it and originally I was gonna post it at midnight but I slept.... so it seemed a bit rushed. But I'll try to post another one. Maybe the one where Haechan and Hina are present when she says her not so first word.

But thats it for this one 🥹

Haechan! Happy birthday! I hope one day you have the woman and the family of your dreams 🩷🌸

Likes and rebloggs are appreciated 💖 ✨️

[lillaydee]

In Time Part 12

Rancher Joel Miller / Reader

You lost your dear Uncle. Your TV Star boyfriend dumped you. You needed a job. You got one at a ranch in Wyoming. Where you met Joel. A very grumpy man. Grumpy man has issues.

WARNINGS:

Grumpy Joel, Hurt Joel, Grieving Joel, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Mentions of Hostage Situation and Shooting, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 11

---

Joel was at a loss; he was shocked by what was happening. One second, he was comforting his inconsolable ex, the next, her tongue was invading his throat, and she was aggressively grinding on his lap in the middle of the chow hall. He was torn between biting her tongue off, or just throwing her on the floor, risking deliberately harming a woman for the first time in his life.

But his thoughts were all moot.

Because the next thing he knew, she was pulled off him and thrown onto the floor by a very angry pair of hands.  

Cleo slid on the floor for a good few yards, shock written all over her face, magically no longer devastated at all, looking around for the powerful source that literally yanked her by the hair and waistband off of Joel before she found herself sliding on her ass. For a moment, she thought she should be looking for a big burly man. But no one fitting that description was anywhere near her, save for Joel who was still in shock on the chair she had pushed him into.

The only person standing near her was you.

The soft spoken, lady-like, would-never-harm-a-fly you.

You, who didn’t do anything when you found her naked at your boyfriend’s house.

She opened her mouth to shout at you, but the look in your eyes actually threw ice-cold daggers all over her insides.

You stood over her, advancing on her as you spoke, forcing her to shuffle backwards to get away from you. All the frustrations you had ever felt for this woman came pouring out of you like a faucet.

“I’ve had it with you trying to get your slutty paws all over my men. You already stole one man from me, and you want to steal another? You think you had it bad right now? You think you’re ashamed right now? You think you’re at your lowest now? You forget yourself, Cleo. I lived in Hollywood for over twenty years. I had top notch producers and directors and A-listers as neighbours and babysitters. I walked their dogs, I babysat their children, I made a living chopping their dogs’ balls off and curing their pets of cancer. One phone call to the right person, and you will know what being cancelled really means, Cleo. Get your ass off our floor and get the fuck out of here. If I so much as catch you breathing anywhere near my man, let alone put your filthy hands on him ever again, I will draw and quarter you myself. You understand me?”

She scrambled to her feet, opened the front door and ran off, not looking back.

It was like you floated out of your body and got snapped back into it.

You were standing in front of the main door.

How the fuck did you get there?

You turned around and walked back into the chow hall, your stomach rumbling.

You were met with many pairs of eyes staring at you.

“Well,” Mrs Adler said, “looks like we don’t need a guard dog after all.”

“Damn, Doc,” Tommy said. “The hell did you find the energy to pull her off like that?”

“She pulls calves and foals off of cows and horses. One malnourished D-lister? No problem!” Frank chimed in, eating his lunch as if nothing just happened.

You picked up a plate and began piling food in. Suddenly famished. Joel joined you, an amazed look on his face.

“Well, that was… something. You okay darling?”

“Yeah. Course. I’m just hungry,” you said, suddenly horrified that this man just saw you hulk out.

You sat down, and began eating, doing your best to avoid eye contact with him. He placed a glass of water next to your plate and sat next to you.

“So, your man, huh?”

Oh God, he heard that.

You couldn’t look him in the eye. The She-Hulk had been unleashed, and she was more than content to go dormant again for a long, long time.

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss you on the cheek. You got up to your feet and put your hand out in front of him.

“Nope. You are not getting those lips anywhere near me until you have brushed your teeth at least ten times and gargled an entire bottle of mouthwash. Perhaps sanitize your mouth with alcohol too. I am not kissing you right after that.”

You shuddered at the thought.

He laughed and put his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, She-Hulk,” he said, winking at you, retreating to his house to do just that.

You sat back down and continued eating. Tess and Maria joined you. Tess eyed you, impressed at what she just saw.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought, shit. She’s not going to last for long on a ranch. Too soft, too polite. Damn, I am proud to say I stand corrected.”

“Joel better watch it. Fierce, and chops balls for a living. Love it, sister,” Maria said with a grin.

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. You honestly couldn’t believe you just did that.

Would it be wrong to be proud of yourself a little bit?

---

Not a week later, Maria called you to the office, a lawyer representing David and Cleo with her. The entire family was there. The lawyer brought in an NDA, trying to ensure that you and the family wouldn’t be exposing his clients’ unfortunate past mistakes, ailments, misbehaviours and misfortunes to anyone. In exchange, they will keep all your identities secret and never bother you again, and Cleo would not be pressing charges on you for ‘attacking’ her, twice. He had even located ‘the source’ of the leak, and they had agreed to sign a document stating that they will not make any more statements regarding Sarah or her family, for a little incentive, of course, paid for by Mr Landon himself.

Maria, ever the lawyer, made sure the documents were iron clad, the family’s privacy must be protected at all costs. She advised you that if you declined to sign, the whole family will back you up, and she will personally make sure any lawsuits Cleo threw at you will be thrown out, but the document was legit now, and she and David will have no choice but to leave you and the entire family alone. Only once everything was to her satisfaction did everyone, yourself included, sign the document.

---

Of course, the world was not always fair. Cleo and David got back together, putting on a strong front, although you suspected they were only doing it for show. They never announced their supposed split, so pictures of them holding hands were everywhere, looking all loved up and happy. Cleo appeared on some talk show, talking about PPD, and her ‘experiences’ being affected by it, a supposed ‘expert’ supporting her claims. And then, of course, she put on the waterworks about how much she had been punished, her child taken way too early, and how she had found God, and hoped to see her in the Pearly Gates. Her fans ate it all up, loving her bravery for coming forward amidst all the criticism thrown at her.

No one showed those clips to Joel, naturally.

David suddenly was an inspiration to younger men with ED everywhere, talking about his problems on national TV before endorsing little blue pills for men like him. The couple appeared together promoting their show, claiming that they had married in an intimate ceremony, just close family and friends, which you suspect was a lie too. Their strategy seemed to work. People seemed to love them still.

Although, their show was cancelled pretty much immediately. Funny, that.

You didn’t hear of see much of them after. Last you heard from your friends in LA, Cleo was seen walking dogs and working at the pet saloon now. David had taken up teaching acting to aspiring actors. They were definitely no longer together though, never seen together again after that interview. Apparently, the offers dried up. Shame. Such a fickle industry.

---

The day after the lawyer came in, Tommy drove you and Joel to town to pick up your new secondhand car. You were very excited. Tommy dropped you two at the dealership, before leaving to run his errands. Joel stood in front of your new car, an incredulous look on his face.

“This is what you bought?”

You nodded excitedly, and unlocked your new car, only a few years old, practically brand new. You got in and watched as Joel struggled to get his huge frame into the passenger seat of the Mini Cooper you just bought. His grumpy face was back on as you drove the little car back to the ranch, his head bumping on the roof several times as the car bounced off the gravelly road to his house.

When you’d arrived, you gave him an excited look, and asked him what he thought of your new car. He responded by pulling you onto his lap, which ended with you bumping your head on the roof. Okay, maybe this was a bad idea, frowning a little, upset that making out in this car was near impossible with your hunk of a boyfriend. He kissed you on your nose with a small laugh, telling you he loved your car, but maybe let’s go inside?

After a bit of a struggle (for him) getting out, he dragged you into his house, and carried you straight upstairs. He began to pull your clothes off before you even got up the stairs, his lips on your body, never leaving it for a second as your bodies get all tangled up together in his bed, filthy moans and whimpers filling the room, before the two of you lay sated in each other’s arms.

“You really don’t like my car?” you asked him.

“I love it, but maybe we’ll take my truck if we go out okay? I think I’m in great danger of a concussion if I ride in that car too often.”

You smacked him on his bare chest playfully.

“It’s not for long. It’s already June. My contract runs out in November.”

He stilled.

“Do you really want to leave?”

You didn’t know how to answer that. How do you tell him that you wanted to stay more than anything, but it was up to him? This was his territory. His life. His family. He hadn’t dated anyone since Cleo, and that, to you, meant that you had no right to set the rules of this relationship. You couldn’t just decide to stay, even if you could afford to without the job. You two had been seeing each other for what? A month? Bit too soon to be making life altering decisions, no? Sure, you were crazy in love with him, but technically, you were still in the getting to know each other stage.

“It’s not up to me, Joel.”

“Where would you go if you leave?”

“I dunno. Back to England? Travel? I really don’t know.”

“Then stay, please.”

“Joel…”

“No, I’m serious. Stay.”

“When Peter comes back, what would be the point of staying? I can’t stay and take up his business, his livelihood. But I can’t stay just being your… whatever this is. We haven’t even decided what we are, it’s been a month!”

“I want to be with you. If you decide to leave, I will leave with you. Whatever you want. But please, think about it. Stay, stay here, with me. Please…”

Your lips involuntarily curled into a smile, happy to know he wanted you to stay.

“I’ll think about it.”

He kissed you; muttering thank you over and over.

“But we will still take my truck when we go out.”

“Okay.”

He stopped kissing you.

“Okay? Okay you’ll stay or okay we’ll take the truck if we go out?”

You didn’t answer, just pulled him back down for another kiss, one that didn’t stop for hours.

---

He picked you up at home, dressed in his best flannel and jeans. You asked him, yet again, if he was sure he wanted to do this? He was, he said. He needed to.

The drive over was silent. He had insisted that you sit right next to him rather than across the bench seat, he needed to feel you pressed up to him. You kept your head on his shoulder as he drove, your hand on his leg, occasionally stroking his arms as he let go of the steering wheel to take your hand in his. He was nervous, you could tell. And you couldn’t blame him, you would be too.

He parked in the lot designated for family for the day. The family was already there, he hadn’t decided to go until the last minute. You had called Tess when he decided to take the leap, and they had waited for the two of you in the parking lot.

All of you walked hand in hand towards the store. A tent had been erected right out front, the pictures of those who lost their lives three years ago stood at the front, their families sat in the front row.

It was a beautiful service. Representatives of the families spoke about the people they’d lost, spoke of grief, of hope, of courage. Anita spoke on behalf of the family for Sarah, and Ellie spoke for Annie, Joel’s hand on yours the entire time.

After, he and Ellie went up front, placing flowers underneath the pictures of their lost loves, holding hands, followed by a long hug. It warmed your heart to see them like that; they had come a long way, even in your short time there. You couldn’t imagine them any other way. Their evenings spent riding together, Ellie joking around with Joel, endlessly teasing him for being old. He acted annoyed, but it was clear to anyone who saw them together how much he loved her.

The entire family visited the cemetery next, Ellie officially introducing you to her mom, telling her what a kick-ass vet you were. She had been disappointed to miss the throwdown with Cleo, claiming she would have paid good money to have seen that.

When you got back in the truck after, you asked him if he was okay.

“Surprisingly, yeah. I thought I was going to cry, completely lose my mind, but I guess, talking to her every night made it feel as if she was still around, you know? It felt like she’s gone, but still with me.”

You could only nod. You could relate to that. Talking to your parents and Benny had kept you sane, so to speak. It felt good to know that it had done the same for him.

Everyone stopped at the Bison for dinner that evening, you a bit apprehensive to see Angela again. But she was nowhere to be seen. Andy told you that she had quit a couple of months ago, no idea where she disappeared to. Tess might have suggested that maybe she was making full use of a windfall she may have gotten. People in the village knew it was her to leaked the entire David-Cleo thing. Rumour was, she got away with more than a million dollars to her name.

“Well, at least I can come work here when Peter comes back. I’d go crazy sitting at home waiting for this one to come home from being fawned on by tourists and the mysterious surge of ladies who had signed up for horse riding lessons if I don’t have a job,” you said, laying your head on Joel’s shoulder.

“You’re staying? Even if Pete comes back?” Ellie squealed.

You shrugged. “Where else am I gonna go?”

Joel turned to look at you, asking you if you were sure. When you nodded, he pulled you in for a kiss, which earned an “Eww… get a room old man… I don’t know how you could let him kiss you like that Doc…” from Ellie.

Joel got up and pulled you with him, tossing some cash on the table before taking you outside and into his truck. You pressed yourself up to him, ready for the drive home, but he turned and pushed you onto your back, devouring your mouth as if he would starve without kissing you, his hands roaming all over your body, his mouth travelling to your ears, your neck, your chest, before ripping your panties off and unbuckling his belt. He searched in the console for a bit, tore open the packet he found, and the next thing you knew, the top of your dress was pushed down, you were screaming his name, your legs locked around his waist, his mouth on your nipples as he rocked himself into you over and over until the both of you stilled, mouths opened in silent screams before shuddering uncontrollably, breaths quivering, hands holding each other tight, not wanting to separate, ever.

“You’re really staying?”

“Mm hmm… I’m really staying.”

The grin he gave made him look sixteen again. He kissed you long and sweet, happy that he would get to do this for the rest of his life.

A knock on the passenger door jolted the both of you out of your rendezvous, Tommy stood with his back to the truck, warning the two of you to leave before everyone else comes out. Tess will have your heads if Ellie saw you two like that.

Joel thanked him, the two of you got dressed quickly and drove home. Joel reminded you that THAT was a good reason to use his truck whenever you two go out. You smacked him on his chest before cuddling up to him, sighing contentedly.

Joel made love to you again and again that night, his heart too full of you, wanting to show you over and over how appreciative he was that you’d decided to stay. As you were starting to doze off in his arms, he told you he loved you.

Sleep became the last thing on your mind after that.

---

You were sitting in Maria’s hospital room, her brand-new baby boy in your arms, Ellie cooing at him, her head on your shoulder. Oh, you were so in love with him already. Thank God you decided to stay. When you thought about it, saying goodbye to Joel wasn’t the only thing making leaving difficult. You couldn’t imagine not seeing these people every day anymore. And now, this dashing young thing arrived, and completely stole your heart.

“You are so cute, yes you are, yes you are, you are so cute I’m gonna kidnap you every day and put you in my little pocket!” you cooed at him, while Ellie giggled in your ear.

Joel sat at the other end of the room with his brother, watching you coo over his nephew. Oh shit. You’re a natural. Something about you holding a baby stirred something in him. You pregnant with his child. Him, talking to your belly at night.  Now, that’s an image he couldn’t get out of his head, no matter how many times he shook it clear. God, Joel. It’s only been a couple of months. Chill. Take it slow.

He came over and took his nephew from you, much to your chagrin. He started speaking to him in his low, low voice, telling him he would spoil the living shit out of him, that he would want for nothing. Come to Uncle Joel if your daddy gives you grief, huh?

You sat in your chair, watching him coo over his nephew. Oh shit. He’s a natural. Something about him holding a baby stirred something in you. You, pregnant with his child. Him, talking to your belly at night. Now, that’s an image you couldn’t get out of your head, no matter how many times you shook it clear. God, Amelia. It’s only been a couple of months. Chill. Take it slow.

---

When August came, Peter called. He had reconnected with his childhood sweetheart while back home. He was giving his three months’ notice. Looked like you were really staying now, and Joel’s hidden worry that you would be working with Andy every day dissolved.

You were happy to keep working, your only problem being the many, many swarms of buzzing ladies who kept fawning over Joel during those touristy things. Shameless women crooning at him, telling him to teach them how to ride properly, calling him the BDE rancher, asking you to give them his number, wondering out loud how you could stand to work with someone that hot every day.

Joel shut them up, though, going out of his way to get close to you any chance he got, kissing you sweetly, telling them in not so many words that he was happily taken. And apparently, there was a new rule now, there was strictly no separating from your group if you were on one of those tours. Word was, an email the resident vet had received from a certain Italian vet asking for advice on force birthing a cow had the owner in a tizzy, convinced that ‘ciao’ had a hidden meaning somewhere.

No matter, when all was said and done, when the tourists had gone home, the two of you came home to each other, and the next morning, kissed each other goodbye, matching thermoses in your hands, filled with drinks made by each other, for the other.

---

“Come on, I want to show you something.”

You took his hand, and he led you at a leisurely pace towards the Benny place. It’s still your favourite place to go on the ranch. As you got nearer, he stopped you, and covered your eyes with his hand. He carefully guided you to where he wanted you to stand for the big reveal.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

He took his hand off, and you blinked several times, before seeing a brand-new giant hammock tied between the two oak trees.

You squealed, hugged him so tight, whispered thank you over and over, kissing him all over his face, getting lipstick everywhere.

You ran to the hammock, calling for him to join you. You made him stand on the other side and told him how important it was to get this right. You cannot afford to topple over today. He nodded, putting on his focused face.

You asked him to follow your movements, exactly. With some difficulty on your part, the two of you managed to climb on, before the hammock tilted dangerously towards his side, him being a lot heavier than you. He quickly adjusted, going towards the middle, and caught you before you could fly off it. You fell half on his body, laughing hysterically, remembering all the times you fell off it at Benny’s. He wrapped his arm around your body, his other hand behind his head. You wrapped your leg over his, your head on his chest.

“Do you remember the first time I brought you here?”

Hmm… you replied. Remembering the first Christmas you spent with him.

“That was the night you healed me.”

You looked up at him, confusion on your face.

“I talked to Sarah for the first time that night. And everything just… fell off my shoulders. Woke up feeling lighter, happier, like I could move on. Like I would be okay. And it was all because of what you said to me, that night, here.”

You couldn’t speak, remembering what he was like back then. Hidden in his shell.

“I was so angry at everything, everyone. And now, look at me.”

He kissed you on your temple, long and deliberate.

“It just takes time to heal, that’s all. I’m glad I’m here to enjoy this wonderful man you have become.”

He turned towards you, placing his fingers under your chin, making sure your eyes were on his.

“It wasn’t time that did it, darling.”

And he kissed you, like it was the first time, like it was the last time. This man you fell in love with, the love of your life.

“Oh, my God, I knew it! I found them, guys! Really? Again?”

The family came rushing towards the Benny place, Ellie leading, having found you after the two of you disappeared, yet again. Tommy arrived in Joel’s ratty old truck, freshly washed for the occasion.

Joel groaned at the interruption but conceded that you should probably get going. He gently helped you off the hammock. The two of you quickly said your goodbyes, hugging and kissing everyone, Joel escorting you to the passenger door and made to open it for you. You held up a hand at him and did the jiggle-push-pull combo with ease, and the door opened with a creak. Joel laughed out loud, and lifted you up, placing you in the cab, making sure your skirt and train were all in before closing the door for you.

He got in, kissed you, hard and true, and began driving.

The red, rusty, ratty, old beater of a truck with ‘Just Married’ sprayed across the bumper and cowbells tied across the back rattled onwards, flower petals and rice, along with joyous laughter and cheers from loved ones following in its wake.

---

Epilogue

[teatimebeliever]

Not well written, but the idea was too interesting to just not write it down. I will prolly write a fic on ao3 with better writing, this is just to put the idea out there so I dont forget about it. Just an enemies to lovers Azriel x oc or azriel x reader idea I had, with a lot of random background Idea I had on the character. Its angsty, and not the best meet cute but you know, I got the idea from a dream after I fell asleep listening to look what you made me, I did something bad, you should see me in a crown and therefore I am on loop. Good dream tbh. Anyway enjoy!

"What do you want from me, Shadowsinger?" She spat out, her hatred for his kind evident in her tone.

He tilts his head to the side again, his hazel eyes sparkling in the moonlight. He walked closer to her, his footsteps silent. "Nothing much, just curious as to why a young woman with no records of her existence is going out raiding, massacring and making so much chaos at illyrian camps?"

"They deserved it." She said quietly, but firmly. "If you're here for the women and their kids that are missing, they don't want to be found. They are safe, fed, comfortable and for the first time in their miserable lives, happy." She held her head high at the words.

"That did not answer my question. Why is a young girl such as yourself, carrying out such planned raids and missions? It can't possibly be to no end? What is your purpose?" He paused, giving her a moment to answer, but continued when she didn't. "You have caused quite the ruckus, you know? Become quite a threat." He said again, face still unreadable as he maintains the distance, knowing she could winnow away at any moment, in the cold and chilly mountains. It took months for him to track her once, he could not afford to lose her now.

"I will ask you again, Shadowsinger, what do you want?" She snarled.

"I am just trying to understand why you think a young girl like you is fit to be the judge, jury, and executioner. Justice is not something just anyone has the right to bestow." His words were veiled in amusement, as if all of her carefully plotted plans and raids were temper tantrums of a child, and not a movement in and of itself.

Her eyes glowed as her anger takes over and her magic her magic seeps out from her, uncontrolled and wild. The sheer strength of it had his amusement dying down into a look of wariness. "Do you want to know, Shadowsinger? You find it so amusing, don't you?"

He stares at her for a minute, a dark chuckle escaping his lips as he realized her weakness.

Her wrath.

"It seems I struck a cord. I do not find it amusing, but rather pitiful, you are so young, with so much anger inside you. What a waste."

She stepped closer, her magic thrumming in the ground, yet her words were quiet, filled with a kind of contempt that could only come from years of experience of things better left unheard, and unseen. "They took me from my mother by force, chopped off my wings, used me for their pleasure and left me there to die. An illyrian camp. And no one. Did. A thing." Her eyes were glaring right into Azriel's, her eyes full of all consuming wrath, as her words reminded him of another female he knew.

She laughed, but no humor was present in her voice as she continued. "No one even knew. You and your high lord lived blissfully unaware while my existence crumbled." She hissed at him, stopping just a few steps away.

"I was broken, thought I would never find myself again as I struggled in a lonely cabin I found abandoned in the woods. Felt as if everyday, I was still there, half-dead on the side of the road. Of course I knew living in the cabin was mercy compared to how they treated the women in those camps, like slaves. And thats when a girl came knocking at my door, an escapee from a camp. We decided soon after to create a safe space, for people like us. And the rest is history." She continued, eyes becoming damp at the memory, before shaking her head and smiling slightly, so sweetly. Azriel almost forgot that she had slaughtered a few dozen men a few hours ago.

He tried to reach out silently to catch her as she finally got to a distance where he knew he could grab her, so he could get more information out of her, about things she were clearly omitting, only to realise, that he couldn't move.

He looked up at her in horror as she continued smiling, almost as if it took her no effort restraining one of the strongest illyrians in history.

It didn't, Azriel realised.

"And so we trained. And I took so much pleasure in breaking the bones of men in illyrian camps as we raided them. Saved the women that wanted to leave, took them with us, back to our hideout, expanded it until it became a thriving community. We raided camps and bring people back, who can pick whatever they excel in and work in tandem. It is what I deserved when I had nothing. What they deserve." She smiled, pride shining in her eyes as she now dropped down to sit on a log in front of him, more interested in a white wildflower glowing in the moonlight instead of him.

"Say, Azriel, You're half illyrian, are you not?" She asked, her voice higher, lighter, mocking. "You trained in one of their camps, with your oh so righteous brothers, did you not?"

She did not wait for him to reply, knowing he couldn't. She made sure of it from her magic, taking away his ability to speak.

"You know it as well. Your brothers do too." Her voice was bitter as she plucked the flower. "And yet you choose to hide away in your pretty little city of starlight, ignoring the pain these women go through every day." She finally looked up at him, eyes shining with contempt. "You're just as bad as them." She hissed. "Why shouldn't I shred your wings like your people did to me? Speak, Shadowsinger, speak."

It took a moment for him to realise he could speak again.

Azriel was frustrated, he understood where she was coming from but he could feel his defensive nature for his family coming up. "Rhysand tries. He tries his best to do things for the girls there. There's new laws, there's change. It's happening but these things take time. We are nothing like them."

"You're illyrian, they're illyrian. You saw the suffering of the women there and chose to do nothing about it. You high lord may have put new rules in place, banning clipping of wings, and starting the training of girls. But you and I both know it still happens. All of you do." She shrugged, back to examining the flower. Her face was young still, and her body lithe, Azriel's heart felt a little heavy at the thought of her past, but the anger he felt at being this defenseless in front of a young fae overpowered that.

A dark growl escaped his lips as his jaw tensed, his voice was raspy when he finally continued. "We are trying our best to keep track of it, to eradicate such malpractices comple-"

He was cut off yet again, but this time her voice was louder.

"Well trying is not good enough!" She snapped. "You don't even know it when it happens. You're too busy going on fancy dinners with your inner circle. If you are so good at protecting illyrian women, where are my wings, Azriel?" She hissed as she looked into his eyes as if she was looking into his soul.

He froze at her question, his hazel eyes widening slightly. His jaw was still tense, and he tried to move his body again, failing to do so. He didn't say anything, choosing to remain silent. There was a hint of shame in his eyes as he looked away.

She scoffed as she looked away again as she dropped the flower and stood up again, dusting off her hands against each other.

"Thought so. Anyway," She cleared her throat, putting on a sickly sweet smile. "I am bored and tired of playing with you now. Scurry off, like the dog that you are and tell your high lord I said Hi. I am sure a very interesting gossip session awaits the inner circle tonight." She finished, the end of her sentence blended with yawn that had her stretching her taut muscles as she freed him from her magic and disappeared before he could even get used to the control he now had over his body again.

[sad-scarred-sassy]

tamlin “trapped” feyre after all negotiations broke down with the certainty of knowing feyre would endanger herself and others temporarily

from the wu this fandom talks about it you’d think he’s mother gothel but like. it was only until he came back. it wasn’t like he had her isolated, restricting access to who got to see her. he offered to invite her sisters - she was the one who said no! i really don’t see how it’s comparable to feyre + the ic making nesta stay on a remote island for what it’s worth with two near strangers who she has little to no positive associations with if they can’t be considered the cause of all her trauma in the first place (in that they are fae etc)

whereas nesta’s sentence (bc let’s face it she was sent to azkaban as punishment with a fun caveat like “you’re free if you can cross the sea! and manage to maintain a sense of identity while around guards who remind you how terrible you are of course!”) is indefinite and it’s pretty obvious from everything that comes after that it’s just something she’s expected to make the best of as opposed to something that can get better with time.

and cassian being her jailer whose amicability she has to earn by performing rigorous physical activity she had no interest in even if she grew to love it.. i wonder if she’s had that experience before

sorry, i’m not disagreeing with you, i saw your post + i just die a little inside every time someone’s like “ew tampon” “wow i wish i had a cassian” like no. they’re not the same, you (not you, ily) just have the attention span of a gold fish on catnip

You know I restrained myself from posting more on this because I’m such a hater sometimes lol, gotta focus on more positive things sometimes but... I’ll get this out of my chest.

I wanna preface by saying I do not care if people like Cassian/Nessian, truly. I even like fanon Cassian and fanon Nessian. I also have seen very little people that like Cassian bashing Tamlin (probably bc of my filters and just the type of blogs I follow bc I do love them all) BUT☝🏼 what I do see is a lot of “Disclaimer: we know Tamlin is an abuser” on Tamlin neutral posts (when no other character gets that treatment) or using Tamlin as a cautionary tale of how he treated Feyre and then praise the other “mates” for being “the right ones” and treating them correctly or something, which does annoy me a bit, but alas.

In my opinion yes, you are right, what Cassian and the Inner Circle did to Nesta is a million times worse than what Tamlin did to Feyre, but nobody, nobody considers Cassian’s actions in Silver Flames as bad as they actually are. Nobody considers him an abuser like Abusive Tamlin™️. When talking about what Nesta has endured in SF people put all the blame on Rhys and Feyre (which yes of course) but they forget Cassian was also there, willingly.

I’ve seen people use the argument that both Nesta and Cassian treated each other poorly in their relationship, but I have to ask… what did Nesta do to him that’s worse than what he did… intentionally. She was mean to him and called him bastard like four times? And only when he trespassed her boundaries. Somehow this is comparable to him being her jailer, taking her to train in the middle of Illyria, being a dick when he knew she was struggling, telling her everyone hates her and he cannot understand why her sisters love her, controlling her food intake as if she’s a gym bro or something when she clearly had an eating disorder, not telling her that Feyre was not mad at her and letting her BREAK while making her carry a huge backpack and forcing her on a hike not talking to her for days, to the point she fainted and fell on her face near a cliff?? (this because she made Rhys mad). Anyway the list goes on.

And you know what I don’t care if people like this guy after all this, but it is just funny how somehow Neris shippers are the “morally dubious” ones lol (and don’t get me started on Tamlin stans aka the devil worshippers), because Nesta said she “deserved Eris” (as a punishment), babygirl your WHOLE relationship with Cassian has been a punishment, for what sins you ask? Being mean (as she should) and spending the High Lord’s coin.

And what makes it worse is that the narrative will always favor the Inner circle, Cassian will never pay for what he’s done the way Tamlin has (and still is) he will never even apologize because he was “holding out his hand” or whatever bs that was. (Honestly if I get proven wrong and he does pay and apologize then I may give him a chance, but I highly doubt it)

I won’t even pretend that I think Neris will be canon as much as I wish it was, even if I know that if SJM wrote it, it still would have had its problems but at least Nesta wouldn’t have ended up with the people who treated her like a criminal just because she wouldn’t kiss their ass. And on top of all, with a mate that doesn’t even have the balls to stand up for her. Holy shit.

Okay I got it all out of my chest I think, I’ll try not to hate so much but this shit bro makes me seethe. I’ll go touch some grass.