#no one should talk to me on weekends
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I just remembered that perthchimon’s new show starts today, so it’s ‘Dangerous Romance’ Friday. And then Saturday is ‘Laws of Attraction’ and ‘Only Friends’ day. And Sundays are for joongdunking and ‘Hidden Agenda’. What a perfect weekend lineup to help wash away all the stress and pain from the week, although Only Friends will bring a different type of stress. The (Thai) BL lords are working in our favour, we are being fed well.
#reminds me of the msp/nlmg/mlc era#gay ass weekends#no one should talk to me on weekends#i will be busy watching my shows#rewatching and overanalyzing every single thing#i need compensation for the damage they will bring#dangerous romance the series#laws of attraction the series#only friends the series#hidden agenda#thai bl#queer thai dramas#thai actor
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Valentino Rossi & Marc Márquez
[ happy (belated) 9 year anniversary to sepang 2015 aka the one weekend everything went wrong, everything changed and that still haunts motogp to this day <3 ]
history of man by maisie peters
#soo we were talkinh about possible rosquez narratives in sepang i heard?? *insert that bear picture* bonjour 😏#*technically* the anniversary was last weekend already on oct 25th…but the sepang weekend is now and the edit wasn‘t resdy sooo#:)))#‚i‘m sure there was heartbreak in the world of motogp‘…‘so valentino blamed marc‘….‘valentino started the war yet valentino hates marc‘….#yeah….yeahh#also vale‘s evil spirit entered ae and fucked with the audio and now the one part sounds like ‚his program is to make me lose..‘#which is basically what he said anyway but now the text is all fucked up!!!#get out of my computer evil vale spirit!!!!#also. if the texts don‘t exactly line up and you see any glitches. look past it bestie. please. i went through PAIN to render this#and tumblr fucked the quality left and right and center…why. why. 🤠#what if i just—☠️#anywhoooooo#btw. is is. is it normal to still get brainworms about them. just. asking for a friend. because. maybe that friend hears a song sooometimes#and is thinking is like ohmygod that‘s rosquez#and then she has the urge to make an edit on her fuckass old laptop with a crackef after effects that doesn‘t play audios n lags like crazy#and she will HATE the edit but then think fuck it we ball and hits post with zero regards for the people who will have to the see it#no yeah i should talk to her yeah i agree mhm#motogp#marc marquez#valentino rossi#rosquez#rosquez edit#s.edits
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How have your interactions with your floormates been? Do any of them seem particularly friendly?
I think this might be your guy to talk to, Leo, just a hunch...
prev ask
#this post has been cooking since the beginning omg. and thus ends the chronicle of my long weekend of shenanigans...#now that magnus and annabeth's designs are out I can rest T-T. this is my lovechild post I have literally been g l u e d to either#my laptop or the books putting all this together. it was the Chases' hair and those damn strawberries from 2 posts ago. my labors of love#anyway not to glaze myself but isnt this post such a cutie patootie-off btwn the 3 of them?? Leo's lil 👀😮.#and the Chase cousins obviously have the most babygirl eyes to ever. that was so important to me#I'm gonna go try to be more normal now that I'm officially a week out from moving back to uni...#but I do have at least another post for this week and obviously the inbox is open#I think someone should get Leo & Magnus to be closer friends -- maybe then we'll get the chance to talk to Maggie & figure out whats up#V²AU#valhalla!valgrace#magnus chase#leo valdez#magnus chase and the gods of asgard#mcga#hotel valhalla#leo valdez responds#answered asks#art#annabeth chase#forgot to tag pookie oh no!!#hopefully context clues and tags help explain this one lol i thought it was cute
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#i wish for a day where my heart did not bleed from all the losses that come with serious chronic illness#i know i should be grateful for even being able to type today#to think today#to make choices good or bad today#but there's just so much mourning to do that never gets done and it just piles up and up#i wish i could have a thanksgiving#or a birthday#or a shabbat#but instead this weekend will be about maintaining consciousness to not wreck my sleep schedule#making sure i don't lay down more than 14 hours each day#and trying to remember that this boredom is s gift#bc when my cognitive dysfunction was super bad i couldn't even be this bored#or this sad tbh#i couldn't even be this sad bc I wasn't physically well enough to have emotions this intense#🎉#anyway this is so wildly inappropriate im so sorry its just so hard to hear how terrible i am for not handling my illness better#and i feel like such a failure but i don't know how to do better with the symptoms that im given#and i live in a society that is always going to try to make me feel bad for being this sick#so i know i should just do the best i can do and focus on not beating myself up#but its so hard#chronic illness is loneliness upon loneliness#the loneliness of being too sick to connect#the loneliness of everyone giving you advice that is the functional equivalent of 'run 10 miles a day instead of 20'#the loneliness of having experience no one else can relate to#the loneliness of having nothing to talk about bc you don't do anything#my heart is broken#and this is not an appropriate venue for it#but it's just so hard to smile all the time and try to be appropriate#i'll get it together#i'll learn my lessons and put my public face back on and go back to mourning in private I just need a second
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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finally starting to see a finishing line imma say this comic update should be done and posted by next friday at latest 🤘
#i got 4 pages left one of which im more than halfway done#and im hearing talk that we might not work saturday so ill actually have time over the weekend SO#it should be posted next week for sure ya#also might get a skateboard sometime this week too which will be a category 9 autism event for me YEEEHAWWW#if not this week then SOON#also ripped my inner arm open from a metal corner in the Same Exact place as my other arm slice now scarred so thats gross yet satisfying#AIGHT shutting thy fucketh up back to haul ass mode
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;; ☁️
#I don’t know where to talk about this so here I am ahhhhhhh anyway I’m worried that he doesn’t#want to talk to me anymore/ which is hopefully me being overreactive#and I don’t think I came off clingy at all I really hope I didn’t and I haven’t been texting him a tremendous amount also because#I’ve been waiting for him to text me back sometimes?#and idk maybe he was busy yesterday and doing things but hhhhhhh god#I hate being nervewracked by this stuff especially after feeling SO happy and grateful#and just like overwhelmed with emotions#the last text was a question I sent last night and nothing now and yet I’m a total loser#he deleted/hid his bumble profile so that’s a good thing right? because he’s not interested in anyone else#but I’m paranoid about a crash after that high about not being able to have good things#and I just need the reassurance that it’s okay and he does like me#because he’s flying away soon I think next weekend and he was the one who said we should hang out again#before he leaves#anyway this is what the inside of my head looks like right now. sad and nervous and anxious and needy and unsure#personal
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I should have known I was screwed the first time I described to my parents that I had slipped/dislodged/etc some soft tissue in my back while doing a routine task and was having terrible pain and muscle spasms from it.
And they both went, "Oh YEAH, I hate when that happens, have a heating pad about it," instead of being confused and upset.
#to be clear: the issue isn't that I think they should have rushed me to get medical care (which won't help anyway)#the issue is that they BOTH knew exactly what I was talking about because they both experience it to some degree#but I'd planned to get a bunch of stuff done this weekend#ended up making a trip to my parents AGAIN and nursing whatever I have out of place in my back/hip#usually I'm miserable for about 24 hours but this one seems to be lingering a little longer#stop b think of the children
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me a week ago: i love my job!!
me now, after having a mid-year review that amounted to you’re doing an excellent job and you bring such a valuable perspective to our practice but i don’t have the ability to give you a raise right now but don’t worry bc i just hired a new CFO to try to figure out money so we can maybe give you a raise later this year: *breaks into a cold sweat as i crack open indeed dot com*
#like how have you hired FOUR new employees in the past year (two new providers a new admin assistant and now a CFO)#without having plans for people to level up?#also i have talked to a friend who got hired at a similar practice a few months after me and she’s already making way more than me!#and you know who else makes more than i do?#my 19yo nephew who didn’t even finish high school. to be fair he’s grinding way more than he should#but also so am i!!#my disabled ass is working 6-7 days/week almost every week and i can barely afford to LIVE in the city where i live!!!#anyway don’t mind me i’m only apartment hunting#while also knowing that my paycheck is about to be hundreds of dollars lighter every month bc my health insurance is about to kick in#right now it’s either looking like we are gonna have to live in the world’s shittiest apartment (not even in the nice part of the city) or#we might just have to find something outside the city. which would be farther from work and friends and everything#yes i am having a full mental breakdown every single day and it’s only gonna get worse bc i’m due to start pmsing any second now#and also my last day at my hospital job is this weekend#bc everyone (including my boss) has encouraged me to quit and focus on only the one job#so now that’s also at least a few hundred bucks more i won’t be making every month#godddddddd#i hate it here i hate it here#did you know? having a fulfilling job still sucks if you aren't fairly compensated???#this is also what happens when you are part of a hot girl profession where everyone else is married to husbands with tech jobs#so they don't have to worry about money like this#anyway anyway anyway#i have never had anxiety so high that i feel as if i might puke before and i used to have a panic disorder so this is a fun new experience#a nice cherry on top of the typical summer depression which is also beating my ass yet again!
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When still living in the same city as her there is always a chance that you will run into a person you Do Not want to see, and even if you recognize her but you are not sure she saw you and you only walked by her it can Still absolutely Tank your mood for the rest of the day.
#monster noises#and I was so proud of myself too!#i did pride today and I was up on the float doing crowdwork!!#a few years ago i would have absolutely locked up and had a bit of a breakdown and had to get down or run away or something#but I did it and I did a good job!#but then I saw her at a bus stop i was unavoidably going to be walking past and my brain was Immediately like#-One Thousand Screams Alarm-#and I walked past quickly and she was talking to someone else and my hairs much longer than when she last saw me and so's my beard#and i had a hat and sunglasses on so she probably didn't even See me amd it wouldn't have mattered if she Did#cause she also probably doesn't want to chat idly with me#it still freaked me out real bad#and now my brains just been spiralling all around that junk all afternoon#when i should have been working on my Comic#and ACK#i wanted to have this done this weekend but that's kinda on me for forgetting Pride was happening this weekend as well vjcjkdc#but i digress#really didn't need to see her at the time i'm at in my life right now specifically#but it was both pride and a convention for a thing she's really into this weekend so the percent chance we'd be in the same area went Way u#it was bound to happen#just#Ugh
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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i miss being hikineet life was less miserable then.
#genuinely less depressing. idk i just dont think im meant to be a person#i cant fucking talk to people without having an autistic sperg out and humiliating myself#i just want to not fail ONCE just fucking once but i cant#whatever. little nurse should be arriving soon.#burando will keep me alive burando is my will to live.#i miss working retail yeah it was shitty and i had fucking meltdowns but not as often as i do in school#plus when i was the only one at the store i could read or crochet or just generally slack off and tell customers to go fuck themselves.#now prof is gonna act like its high school and get mad at me for sleeping in class once like bro cmon im eepy leave me alone#if i fail thats my problem if im wasting money thats my problem mind ur own business.#she went fucking camping over the weekend thats what she was busy with. all i did was see a play and go to the club.#i fucking. did chores and ran errands and shit. did some lame and gay computer shit.#plus im really nauseous rn so like.#im just in a horrible mood and a horrible way and i wish life could be just a little bit easier just a little bit
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Hey so Snap this is going to be so fucking weird, but honestly don’t care. So I was watching a clip of Drag Race Philippines and it was the make over episode and I think they were making over family members and this father was all about getting into drag. So, I just wanted to tell you never forget how much of a lovely loving kind and caring father you have, who loves you and protects you and makes you feel heard. That’s all.
i'd have to die before i forget how great my dad is thank you for the opportunity to brag about him again anon
#snap chats#no smarmy one-sentence response i fear i never play about my dad's character and its been. A Month so i gotta be earnest#Comically And Topically tho i still wonder wtf my dad meant when he said 'i always thought of being a girl' when i opened up to him#part of me thinks he was just joking and thats probably it but also ....... //audible confusion + vine boom + eyebrow quirking//#its so funny you brought up my dad though i was thinking of visiting him this weekend#last week my Bitch Ass Mom wanted to watch a movie with me and since speak no evil was coming out i proposed we see that#since starting therapy shes been 'trying' to be closer with us but she still doesnt like me on a fundamental level so get bent ig#but she hates horror movies and made a whole show of not wanting to go and how american movies are so brutal and blah blah#this was right after she took me ice skating with her .. cause shes obsessed with ice skating now ... like maam please#i like skating so thank you but ... idk ... she never wants to do things i wanna do#then again we're pretty different i think so. LOL sorry i like horror movies and nothing you like apparently#im glad she didnt come cause i just went with my bro and since the theater was Virtually Empty we just cracked jokes the whole time vjlaekv#plus i just know my mom wouldve been annoying and i wanted to enjoy the movie !!!! which i did ty !!!!!!!#but yk who LOVES horror movies and who i used to watch horror movies with all the time growin up !!!!!!!!!!#i havent seen a movie with my dad in forever.... the last one we saw was so long ago but it was some weird owen wilson movie i think#wait now that ive dragged my mom into this she started therapy Did I Share That. Im Reminding You Anyway#but the most vile thing i ever heard her say was that she admitted to me she never loved my dad 'emotionally'#like wow ..... a thousand life times in hell for you i think i cant even begin to describe the rage chat i could write a novel#but i only have 30 tags so i wont. i should call my dad tho.. this is inspiring me to call my dad thank you anon#if youre still reading Double Thank You. i havent complained about my mom in a while and this was just funny timing overall vjRLKJAEVK#ok im gonna go talk with my dad now. my college friend's coming oevr in like three hours and we're gonna watch glass#cause that came up in convo yesterday Long Story so that should be funny vjlekjlakj
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i wish trying to do things with groups of people was not the most horrible time wasting activity on earth
#just went to local palestine action group meeting because i wanted to figure out if i could carpool to protest this weekend and the answer#was yes but then i spent the next hour and 15 minutes standing in a circle with people repeating the same things back to each other#like ok we are all here because we know it's bad. can we not talk endlessly in circles PLEASE#they did have other things planned but their speaker couldn't make it or whatever but like a bunch of people turned up anyway and i feel#like we could have accomplished something besides talking about how bad genocide is and what documentary they're wanting to show later#i should have known better and just emailed but whatever.....i did connect with someone i can get a ride with who lives in my town but then#they did not offer me a ride back when they left and i wasnt sure if it was socially acceptable to ask so i didnt so then i had to walk 20#minutes to the bus stop and supposedly the bus is coming in a couple minutes but of course. it won't#i'm so annoyed lmao i'm not going to get home until almost 9 and its going to be pitch black and there are no streetlights and i already#barely know where i'm going#not usually one to experience hanger but i definitely have barely eaten anything today and am angry but maybe for separate reasons#i can't even decide what i want for dinner!!!! goddammit#if i didn't have tomorrow off i might get lost in the ocean fr#me
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My coworkers preach work-life balance but then they keep telling me I can call them on their vacations because they want me to succeed
#Andrew specifically said ‘I would rather you message me than curl up in a ball crying which. RUDE”’#which is actually funny cause at one point I did consider doing that instead of messaging him and then got really mad at him for being right#I ended up wandering the office until I found a coworker I have talked to twice to answer my question instead#and then J is going to Europe on vacation#and he specifically said we Are having a meeting at the end of October#and I was like ?? bestie ur on vacation stop doing work??#and he said talking to a friend whose success he cares about isn’t work which is soooo sweet#could not be me.#actually technically he’s called me at 8 pm on vacation before and I was just like. sigh. what do u need#and then sat with him for an hour helping#but if anyone else tried that I would hang up#I just think people should all be completely the same in terms of their social cues#like they should stick with One Thing#cause one time Andrew heard I worked on the weekend and he got SO mad at me#but then why would u let me talk to u while ur in Australia.#be CONSISTENT#delete later#all the rules should be Hard rules with little to no exception because nuance scares me
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