#no one in my life understands just how bad it is and i don't know how to explain it to them; or if i even want to

[genderqueerdykes]

This feels almost stupid to say but it feels useless for me to try and be taken seriously as a non-binary person in my day to day life. Everyone sees me as a girl. I will always be a girl to them. And even in the queer community I feel scared because I was a girl in my childhood and I feel like that makes me less valid, like my existence makes a laughing stock of people who deserve better. I tried to be a girl and I felt wrong, I tried to be a boy and it felt wrong...

I also. This feels really selfish to say but I get sort of...lonely? Sad? When I see things about trans men and trans women that don't include non-binary people, or when trans men/transmascs and non-binary people are lumped together. Makes me feel invisible, but at the same time makes me want to just...stop trying. It feels bad. So bad.

i'm sorry that you've been made to feel that way, it really sucks and i get it. people really do just only focus on trans women and trans men if they do acknowledge both binary genders and not focus on one or the other. i understand that theres a lot arguing going on between trans men and women right now but people are just totally forgetting about other genders, or like you said, lumping everything together

i can relate in that i never see mentions of genderqueer people in positivity posts at all unless myself or another genderqueer person wrote them. i feel there's the same going on with nonbinary as well. even though it's more well known, i feel like people don't treat nonbinary people any better. for whatever reason people assume nonbinary means quirky cis girl and it's like why are we still doing this. why are we still hurting people. why are we still misgendering people. why are we still willing to be misogynistic as hell to people we interpret as women, anyways? how is that okay? even if you were a girl why would it be okay to treat you like that?

people are just very open about how they don't see nonbinary people as real queer people and its exhausting. i'm sorry you're going through that. i know i don't talk about the broader gender spectrum enough and i really need to. it's like other genders are being pointedly left out for the sake of having something to argue about. it's not okay. i hope things improve soon. you're nonbinary no matter who you are or how you identify. nobody has the right to tell you who you "really" are or how you identify. take care of yourself

[allgoodnamesrgoneee]

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Silent Conversations

Masterlist

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — After living in Madrid for nearly a year, Jude's gotten the hang of spanish. So he never thought he’d have to learn a new language just to flirt with someone—until he meets you.

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — Jude Bellingham x Deaf!reader

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 — 9.7k

Warnings! FLUFF!! Jude is kind of obsessed with you in the best way, lover boy, you're very adorable in this one, reader speaks but can't hear, reader can read lips,

Preview

********** Being deaf and a chatterbox is a contradiction that most people don’t know how to wrap their heads around.

But it’s who you are.

Since you can remember, you've always loved to talk—loved filling spaces with words, with thoughts, with laughter. Being deaf has never stopped you. If anything, it’s only made you more creative in how you communicate.

People underestimate how much talking you can do with your hands, how much personality you can pour into a single sign, a raised brow, a quick smirk. They think "talking" only means sound, that conversations without voices are somehow lesser, as if the absence of noise makes words any less real. You’ve spent your whole life proving them wrong.

And tonight is no different.

Your little brother practically vibrates with excitement next to you, hands flying as he signs about how insane the game was. He’s been a Real Madrid fan for as long as he’s been able to walk, and your parents had gone all out for his birthday—jerseys, meet&greet tickets, the whole experience.

So far, the night has been going well.

Your family has been cheering and chanting for Real Madrid alongside the thousands of other fans packed into the stadium, their voices blending into the electric hum of excitement that fills the air. The game has been nothing short of exhilarating, each pass, each near goal sending waves of emotion through the crowd.

Your hands ache from the number of times you’ve signed to your brother, asking for updates on what’s happening when the movements on the field become too chaotic to follow. He’s been patient, grinning as he translates key moments for you, his enthusiasm infectious.

When the final whistle blows, confirming Real Madrid’s victory, the stadium erupts into cheers. Your family is ecstatic, jumping to their feet and embracing one another in celebration. You smile, soaking in the energy, but exhaustion is already creeping in. The weight of tomorrow morning sits heavily on your shoulders.

You love nights like this—love the way your father’s face lights up after a good match, love the way your younger cousins beam with pride, shouting the players’ names like they know them personally—but you can’t afford to linger. Not when your boss expects you bright-eyed and fully alert at the crack of dawn.

You sigh, glancing at the time. If you leave now, you’ll get home at a decent hour, and maybe you'll get six hours in tonight. I should go, you sign to your brother.

He frowns. So soon?  

"I have work in the morning."  

He relays this to the rest of your family, and they groan in unison. Your mother reaches out, squeezing your arm in understanding. "Text us when you get home," you read on her lips.

You nod, exchanging quick hugs before making your way toward the exit.

The corridors are still crowded with lingering fans, some of them stopping to take pictures or rewatch highlights on their phones. You weave through them, emerging into the crisp night air just outside the stadium, and pull out your phone to call for an Uber.

Five minutes.

Not too bad.

You exhale, shoving your free hand into the pocket of your jacket as you make your way toward the designated pick-up area near the parking lot. Your feet ache slightly from standing for so long, and the cool breeze is a welcome relief after being surrounded by so much body heat. You scroll through your phone absentmindedly, debating whether to pass the time by answering a few messages or just watching the people around you.

That’s when you feel it.

A presence.

It’s subtle at first—a shift in the atmosphere, a slight prickling at the back of your neck. Then, footsteps. Slow. Unsteady.

You look up just in time to see him stumbling toward you.

The acrid scent of alcohol hits you first. It’s overpowering, the kind of stench that clings to a person’s skin and clothes, the kind that makes your stomach churn. He’s disheveled, his jacket slipping off one shoulder, his eyes unfocused. But there’s something sharp in the way he grins at you, something that immediately puts you on edge.

"Hey," he slurs.

Your grip tightens around your phone. You don't respond. Instead, you take a step back, angling your body away from him. But before you can put more distance between you, his hand shoots out, gripping your wrist with surprising strength.

"I'm talking to you, you little bitch!"

Panic spikes through you like ice water.

Your breath hitches, your heart hammering as you instinctively jerk back, trying to free yourself from his grasp. Your hands move on their own, the motions quick, desperate. Leave me alone.  

The man’s face scrunches in confusion. "What? What are you doin' with your hands?"

You swallow hard, pulse racing. You try again, this time forcing yourself to speak, hoping the sounds come out right. "I can't hear you. I'm deaf."

His expression twists into something cruel. "Deaf?" He laughs, loud and mean. "You serious?" His grip tightens. "C'mon, don’t be like that. Just talk to me.I can show you a good time."

Your throat constricts. You shake your head quickly, signing, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, over and over, even though you know there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s just instinct. A plea for him to stop, to let go.

But he doesn’t. If anything, your silence only makes him angrier.

"Stop doin' that shit!" he snaps. "Just say something!"

Before you can react, before the panic fully settles into terror, a shadow moves behind him. Fast. Deliberate. A hand clamps down on his shoulder, yanking him backward with enough force that he nearly loses his balance.

"That’s enough, mate." The voice is low, firm. Unmistakably authoritative.

The drunk stumbles, blinking in confusion as he turns to face whoever pulled him away. And that’s when you see him.

Jude Bellingham.

He’s taller than you expected, broader too, his frame imposing even in casual clothes. His coils are damp, like he just stepped out of the showers, and there’s an undeniable exhaustion in his features—deep shadows under his eyes, a certain heaviness to the way he holds himself.

But none of that matters right now. Right now, his entire focus is on the man in front of him, his jaw tight with barely contained irritation.

The drunk sneers. "Who the fuck—"

"Walk away," Jude says flatly.

The man wobbles slightly, his mind struggling to catch up as he starts recognizes Jude. His eyes widen. "I was just—"

"I don’t care." Jude’s voice is sharper now, cutting through the drunken haze like a blade. "She’s not interested. Walk away."

There’s a moment of hesitation. A beat where the drunk seems to consider whether or not this is a fight worth picking. He glances between you and Jude, his lip curling in annoyance, before finally, begrudgingly, releasing a scoff.

"Whatever," he mutters, stumbling back. "Wasn’t even worth it."

You don’t breathe until he’s gone.

The moment he disappears into the crowd, your entire body sags, tension draining so quickly that your knees feel weak. You swallow, pressing a hand to your chest in an attempt to steady yourself.

Jude turns to you then, his brows knitting together in concern. "You alright?"

You nod automatically, even though you’re not entirely sure it’s true. Your hands tremble slightly as you sign, Thank you.

Jude watches your hands carefully, and your gaze shifts to his lips expecting him to say something next—to offer words you wouldn't be able to hear. Instead, he hesitates, then lifts his hands.

You… okay? The sign is clumsy, the movements stiff, but the effort makes your heart stop.

He had recognized what you were signing before. He had understood. you think.

You nodded, your throat tight with gratitude. He relaxed a little at your response, but still glanced around, protective. "You waiting on someone?" His lips move slower this time, giving you a chance to read them.

You nod again, holding up your phone. "Uber." The words come out in a bit of a slur but he understands them.

Jude frowns, looking at your screen. "Two minutes?"

He must have seen the time displayed on your phone because there’s no way he could’ve understood the tone of your nod. "Yeah."

The way he scowls in response makes you think that’s not an acceptable answer. His eyes shift, scanning the parking lot, and you can practically see the wheels turning in his mind. "Look, you want to wait inside? The security team can keep an eye on you till your Uber arrives."

His concern is sweet, and you find yourself nodding before you can think. "Okay. Thank you."

You let him lead you back to the main building, where there’s a security team waiting by the entrance. He explains your situation, and they offer you a smile. They won't let you stay inside the stadium since the game has already ended, but they’re willing to stand outside with you until your car arrives.

You nod in gratitude and wave a goodbye as Jude makes to leave. You expect him to keep going, to be on his way, but instead, he hesitates. For a second, he just looks at you, as if deciding something, but he shakes his head, offering a quick smile as he slips away into the night.

The security team stays with you the whole time. They make sure you’re safe and wave down your Uber when it arrives. You thank them and climb into your car, making your way home.

That’s it, you think. That’s where the story ends.

But it’s only the beginning.

**********

-Bianca🌻

[darkfictionjude]

Okay so I know this is a touchy subject already especially since certain people have already been bitchy about it before, but sometimes Crowny is genuinely difficult to play as. I feel super conflicted about them since they're the literal personification of "damn bitch you live like this?"

Realistically, progress isn't linear and different people get different results even if they do the exact same thing, but as of now it feels like they aren't really allowed to improve at all. If you study you're still mediocre leaning towards bad in terms of understanding. You try to workout you see absolutely no results, not even the tiniest bit. When it comes to the other characters, it's always one step forward and two steps back. When you give them a hobby or try to get them to pick up a skill they find little enjoyment. When people bother them they barely fight back or even argue, and when they do it's like a sarcastic quip or a grumble at most. By the end, they haven't even made a dent. These don't make them less of a person and it doesn't make them a failure since the world is quite literally out to get them, but it's like they aren't allowed any satisfaction in their life. (Yeah it's been like a month, maybe barely scratching two in the current timeline so maybe this contradicts what I first said about progress but I'm dumb as hell)

It's wild to go from the side quests, backstory segments, interactions with the ROs and then Crown family just for all the hype to fade when there's a segment with just Crowny all alone. I know that there's a reason for why they are the way they are, but I literally have to take breaks from reading their solitary moments sometimes because it seems to drag on. I know things aren't easy in this universe, I know the world is supposed to be cruel and unfair, but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?

I hope I'm not sounding like an asshole or a insane here. Personally, they're relatable in a lot of aspects. I may not have had supernatural shit going after me, but I had a lot of issues that many of their experiences brush way too close to. It's just the way it's presented that makes them feel like they're like the random piece of chewy cartilage in an otherwise perfectly cooked steak, unpleasant but I'm gonna eat it anyway.

I literally just wrote a whole ass book complaining, but I at least wanna say I do love your work, Crowny included even if my words seem to say otherwise, and I'm super excited to see what happens in the timeskip since i know this is like JUST the beginning. I'm like seriously praying my tone is coming off the right way if that's even possible. If you read through all this thanks. I'm not gonna hide behind anon because I at least wanna be able to explain myself if this comes across wrong.

but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?

Well no 😭😭

And that comes from the fact that they are self loathing, depressed as hell and have virtually no support system while dealing with things that they aren’t mature enough to handle, actually their mental health is getting far worse which is by design

I feel like perhaps some readers have not realized just how depressed crowny is. All the things you described about them finding little enjoyment, etc., are key markers of major clinical depression

I feel also people did miss the fact that crowny kind of exploded in the library they didn’t shut up, they didn’t let it go which I think is a positive because this is the first time they’ve have enough to say “enough”

Sorry but I like my things slow burn 💀 that Halloween party is meant to be a breakthrough for them and I think perhaps it’s been glossed over by some because what happened to James has gotten the most attention and the final moment in the woods. Crowny outed their “friends” for the first ever and fought back against their tormentor in only one single night. James for all his issues did the one thing that broke the camel’s back and pushed Crowny over the edge, all 7 episodes have led to this

Crowny is meant to fall before they come up that’s how I wanted it because realistically someone could not handle all of this without losing their mind. It has barely been two months, Crowny has only seriously hit the main plot in episode 4 which in the current timeline was about 3 weeks ago (from episode 7)

Truly the progress that crowny did make in episode 7 should have taken longer, people with crowny’s issues spend years in therapy before they feel they have the right to fight back.

There’s a reason episode 7 is the midseason finale. It’s not only about the plot but about crowny themself….

Dw you’re tune is fine I can usually tell when someone doesn’t think before they write 😭

[factual-fantasy]

27 Asks! Thank you! :}} 💞

@peaspods

I might not be understanding, but I'm imagining this as people opening up commissions so people can give them money and they can turn around and donate that money to me..

I fear that this would create the opportunity to scam people.. "I'm taking commissions on behalf of Factual Fantasy! They're very sick so please commission me!" only for them to run away with the money they make..

I've been thinking a lot about setting up some kind of commission/donation thing because I'm starting to kind'a need the money.. but idk, I'm just kind'a run down and need some time to keep thinking about it. Thank you very much though <:)))

@zecromgen5

Thank you very much! :) And I've been hanging in there.. there hasn't been much improvement to my health or my mental state. The fact that in April it will officially been over a year since my health started to decline, and the fact that I'm going to spend my birthday at home collapsed on the couch has made me feel very sad <:( But I'm doing my best to work on it.. I'm hoping this new advice from my doctor helps me feel better <:)

And something good HAS happened actually, I got my tablet/FireAlpaca to work again! :))

XDD SJKFJSH AWW! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

I've only seen a bit of it from Markiplier. So far I'm 50/50. Somethings I like and others I don't care for 😅

@neo-metalscottic

Thank you so much! :D 'm glad you've liked my recent artwork!! :}}}}

Also for Homes eyes, that was just meant to represent its oppressive presence and the fact that its watching them in that moment.. 👁️👁️

And I don't have any plans for any of the neighbors or Wally to figure out the house is alive. My AU is more like "a day in the life of" thing. Having someone discover Home is alive would move the plot forward. Which I don't feel like doing <XDD

Now communication... Home understands the concept, but he has no way of communicating other than creaking the floorboards and slamming doors..

I've heard about the well. That could work for Cliffjumper and Breakdown maybe.. and the twins perhaps.? But wouldn't they have to have Tailgates body in order to revive him? Hmmm.. idk actually,,

I've watched the bayverse movies, most of Prime and a few other things here and there. I didn't mind the bayverse movies that much, but I can see why a lot of people don't like them <XD

I just imaging trying to consume more than one Transformers media would be a lot to take on.. and I also don't like the animation styles of most other transformers shows 😅

(That's actually how I decided to watch Prime. I took a look at all the shows and went "this one looks ugly, this one looks ugly,, this one looks REALLY ugly.. Oh, this one doesn't look half bad. TFP it is then!")

@acreaturecalledkyfa

I've watched Markipliers first video on it. So far I'm not sure how I feel about those two 😅

The way I immediately opened YouTube and went looking for it XDD

@fandomcenteral (Link in ask)

Thank you so much! :DD This will come in handy!

@mason-gaylord

Aw! Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰

@im-nice-but-i-dont-like-you

Jangles would be a helicopter probably, Gerald would be a tank, Cici would be a Miata and Bibi would be a slightly raised up Miata XDD

Aw, I'm honored that you miss them <:}} Though I don't know if I'll draw them anytime soon.. I'm really not into inserted OCs anymore <:(

I'm waiting on Markiplier to release more videos on it <XD

@fadlingartisanfreakwinner

I like to imagine that Pokémon can learn dozens of moves. But 4 is the limit for official Pokémon battles. So any wild Pokémon in my comics can use/learn as many as they want :0

And yeah, they had that chat eventually. I just never got around to drawing it 😅

@wolfie-777

Nah nah its just iced tea XDDD

@whereismycupofcoffee

:DDD Thank you so much!! :}}}}

AAAA THANKYOU SO MCUHH!! :DDDD

@nuggybee

Yeahh,, Sky has its ups and downs. I'm currently in one of its downs. It seems like I'm let down by everything they're releasing 😓

@smithanonsworld

I feel like I've never seen a rabbit that color... its so cute 😭💞💞💞

@heaventhehedgi3

That sounds like me! Though I don't draw Octonauts anymore 😅

I'll keep it in mind! :0

🥹🥹🥹Aw... that's so sweet! Thank you so much!! 😭💞💞

@captain-skyler1987

You made an account just to follow me? :DD Aw that's so sweet! :) Thank you!

Also I'm sorry to hear you got the flu :(( I hope you're better by now!

I also have not played Dandy's world 😅

@stargirldrawsx3

The first thing that came to mind was very anxious all the time 😅

@network-warrior-01

Ah, that was an April fools post. <XD There is no drawing

[utilitycaster]

Wait. So CR3 ended with Liliana, Ludanis, technically Predathos (within Imogen or something?), and all the gods all still alive (though technically in mortal form)?

I understand that sometimes it's journey before destination and the story is more important than the finale of the story but....W-what was the point??? If the BBEG Cult Leader who kicked this whole thing off to kill the gods and the gods are both still alive what was the point??

So Liliana was alive, Ludinus was alive (having used Clone or similar), and Predathos ran away because the gods assumed mortal form and there was nothing to eat on Exandria.

Really, while again I have my many critiques, the actual only part of this end state I think is a genuine mistake is Ludinus.

I think that Imogen deciding to join with the Volition and assassinate Liliana would have been a compelling character moment for Imogen; when she didn't do that I felt that Liliana dying when she chose to defy Ludinus would have been a compelling character moment for Imogen. When that also did not happen, my general feeling was "I don't really care about her fate, but it doesn't matter at this point," so her ending is one of the many "yeah, that's fine I guess" ones this campaign delivered. I don't think she's a good person, but I also think that now that she's just a regular-ass sorcerer and her cult leader tried to horribly murder her and then disappeared she has no motivation to continue committing crimes so yeah wandering around figuring out who she is now makes sense. It's still not interesting; most of my criticism in the end is "this wasn't very interesting."

The gods becoming mortal was genuinely interesting and any critique I have is how poorly it was signaled, how irrelevant it made any of the excruciatingly dull circular discussions throughout the campaign (and how hypocritical and stupid it made the characters as a result, not that that wasn't a problem from the start), and how malformed the logic of what this means mechanically for clerics was. But that is an interesting change, to me, especially since the Divine Gate is now down. Idk I think it's possible for the cycle to genuinely begin again; I mean, wizards figured out the rites of ascension before. Will one of the gods-become-mortal undo their own bindings, or will some wizard studying this phenomenon hit on the formula? The party (and fandom) discussion of Who Gets Power was rendered completely pointless but like, the actual concept is great.

Ludinus, however; honestly it makes no sense either way because not only did he do nothing to narratively earn any kind of redemptive ending [if I say "earn" know it's narratively because he is a pretend guy and the people who act like fictional characters are real and should get capital punishment are Calvinist freaks]; I don't see why he'd just hang out making tea unless he somehow thinks the gods are genuinely gone, having missed out on the happenings after his form was killed. Like, look. I do not believe that you have to kill the bad guy to have a satisfying ending, but you do need to follow through with the implications and this doesn't seem to have done so. The only possible ways this fits with his character are either that he's biding his time to do some other bullshit (possible, and if he pops up in a one-shot or miniseries to do villainy and get murdered I'll grant this), if he somehow hasn't found out and thinks the gods are dead (less likely but admittedly pretty funny, and if he lives out the remainder of his life in an isolated cottage, blissfully ignorant, thinking he got his revenge when he never did, that is a boring option but see above, this campaign usually went with the boring option for character development so what else is new), or if we somehow managed to get an ending that is more unwilling to give someone any kind of follow-through in the end than Ted Lasso, which is embarrassing, and I liked Ted Lasso for what it was.

[into-the-hellaverse]

Lucifer's Bad Day

Sequel to Adam's Bad Day

this... this may be a series...

I take commissions! Look at my main blog (@asmerlotus ) for details!

---------------------

Adam had become more distant over the past few months, which was understandable. After the whole ordeal with Cameron, he didn't really want to be around them.

Lucifer started sittting in the lobby, close to the fireplace with KeeKee on his lap, waiting for Adam to come down every day and hopefully getting a chance to talk things through with him. Adam would come down mid-morning, rushing past Charlie's stupid trust exercises and bonding activities, making his way out the door before Lucifer could even say a word. And Lucifer would sit there all day, refusing to eat or drink and watching the door like a hawk. He'd wait and wait late into the night, but sleep would eventually overtake him. He didn't know what time Adam came back, but every morning, at 9 am on the dot, he'd watch Adam rush out before he could say anything and stop him.

"Dad, maybe you should give up," Charlie would say every time. "If he's acting like this over a minor misunderstanding-"

"It wasn't minor to him, Charlie," Lucifer would always reply. "He didn't break our trust. We broke his. I just...need to do something to fix it." And he'd go back to staring at the door.

One day, he was forced to move from his seat, now manning the front desk. Alastor was at an Overlord meeting and Charlie took everyone out for some kind of "Good Samaritan Venture", whatever the hell that meant. At least he had a better view of the door. He was mostly bored, having been there since 5 am, and almost fell asleep standing up. It wasn't until he heard the creaking of the floor boards on the stairs that he woke up, seeing Adam coming done.

"Adam!" he said with a smile, seeing the taller man approach the desk.

Adam didn't smile. He didn't say a word. He just put a key on the desk.

Lucifer frowned and looked down. "What is this?"

"My room key, Captain Dumbfuck. I'm leaving the hotel," he said simply. "I'll finally be out of your life, forever." He turned and started to walk away.

"Wait! Adam, wait!" Lucifer jumped the counter and rushed after him, stopping him long before the door. "I want to make this up to you! Please, just listen-"

"Oh, listen to you like how you listened to me after I trashed the lobby?" Adam asked sarcastically, pushing past him to get to the door.

"I'M SORRY, OK?!" Lucifer screamed, tears falling down his rosy red cheeks. "I'M SORRY! I'M A FUCKING IDIOT! I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR SIDE! I SHOULD'VE HEARD YOU OUT AND I DIDN'T! PLEASE, JUST TAKE ME BACK!"

Adam looked over his shoulder, a cold look in his eyes. "You're pathetic, Morningstar..."

Lucifer stared, trying to hold back his sobs in the quiet room. They stared at each other for an eternity, not saying a single word. After a long, uncomfortable silence, there was a harsh knock on the front door. Lucifer seemed to break out of his trance, drying his eyes and opening the door with a little magic.

"Are you ready to go, babe? You told me you didn't have to pack much." ...why... the fuck... was Mammon... at the front door?

"Yeah," Adam said, trowing his duffel bag onto his shoulder. "I just had to take care of a few things." He walked up to him and stood on his tiptoes to kiss the Sin.

Lucifer just stared in shock. He didn't want to believe what he was seeing. He couldn't believe it...

"Oi. If you wanna watch, you gotta pay," Mammon growled.

"Mamm, baaaabe," Adam said with a small blush.

"What? If he wants to gawk at a beautiful thing like you, he should fork over some cash, Addy."

Lucifer felt his heart break and his fists tighten. Only he could call Adam that...

"C'mon, let's not bother him anymore. We should go." Adam pushed him out the door. "I gotta take care of a few more things. I'll meet you at the car."

"Don't keep me waiting! Gas is fucking expensive!"

"I won't!" Adam shut the door and turned back to Lucifer, glaring.

Lucifer tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "H-How... How long-"

"About a month or two. He heard from a friend of a friend that I was a good guitar player. Came to check me out to be performer in his stupid clown thing and we hit it off," Adam said.

"I..."

"I swear to fucking God, if you say you're sorry one more time."

Lucifer shut his mouth, trying to think of something else. "Where are you going?"

"To the Greed Ring. To live with Mammon," Adam said simply.

Lucifer bit back a smile. "You're a Sinner now, Adam. You can't leave Pentagram City, nonetheless Pride."

Adam reached under his shirt, pulling out a dark green crystal on an elaborate necklace chain. "Think again, bitch."

Lucifer started in disbelief. "Is that..."

"A Mammonite Crystal. Let's me travel from Pride to Greed and back."

Lucifer remembered each Sin having some kind of crystal, to allow their subjects or various Sinners the ability to travel to different rings. He had to think of something to keep him here, to break it, quickly.

"He- He can't do that," Lucifer lied. "Any production of those crystals has to be signed off by me."

"Bullshit, Morningstar. Complete. Bullshit." Adam glared at him and turned away.

"Addy..." He said, tears falling as his voice cracked. "Please don't leave me... You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me..."

Adam looked over his shoulder. "I want you out of my life forever, Morningstar... Sound familiar?" He scoffed and turned away, finally heading out. "B-T-Dubs, you're blacklisted from my shows, Captain Dumbfuck. Goodbye." And with that he finally left the hotel.

The silence became deafening as Lucifer stood alone in the lobby. He dropped to his knees and let out a guttural cry, his vision blurring as he couldn't stop crying. Why was he so stupid?

[fiveredlights]

Loved it!!!! Is there any Benjamin POV of when he found out Max and Daniel were drivers in this world? Like any thought process? It surprised me too that they weren't in his world haha. Thanks for sharing!

okay i managed 400 words of benjamin arriving in the universe and then my brain continued on its holiday in aruba so i’ve written out what would’ve happened afterwards

It's not like Benjamin expected there to be a whole parade when he landed into his DAUD universe, but a room full of people staring at him like he's an alien from another planet feels a little weird.

Technically, he is an alien from outer space—if you equate an alien to a life form, and the other planet is true, but at that point they should consider that we’re all aliens in a planet floating around the universe and there’s no need to stare at him like that.

Or really, they aren’t staring at him. They’re staring at the name emblazoned into his race suit. Or the flag. Maybe they’re struggling to understand why the Dutch and Australian flags are mashed together.

Benjamin worked really hard to get the team and the FIA to approve that. He had to do a whole presentation.

One of the people—his boss he assumes, given that he’s one of the two people to be wearing RB shirts—takes a slow step forward, adjusting the black rounded frames on his face.

“Benjamin—” Ooh, French, “—Ricciardo-Verstappen,” he states, though it’s really more like a question.

“Yeah.” He steps out of the portal tube. “Did I get sent to the wrong universe or?”

“Maybe,” someone in a Red Bull shirt quietly mutters and the other RB shirt guy hits him in the shoulder and scolds, “Christian.”

He has no idea who this Christian guy is but he knows he already doesn’t like him. Giving off bad energy, or whatever Julian uses as an excuse whenever he meets someone he doesn’t like.

“I’m Laurent Mekies, I’m your team principal,” the French—Laurent says. “Can we just confirm who your parents are?”

Everyone in the room seems to lean in and hold their breath. Benjamin thinks they’re all really weird. “Daniel Ricciardo and Max Verstappen. They live in Monaco, or well in my universe they live in Monaco, so maybe they’re in the Netherlands or Australia here.”

Laurent immediately spins onto his heels and they all form some sort of emotional support huddle, like they’re the ones who got sent through to another universe.

“I’ll get Max,” Christian sighs and points a finger at Laurent. “You’re calling Daniel.”

Laurent tenses. “I don’t want to call Daniel. Why can’t you call Daniel? You knew him longer?”

Christian goes very quiet. “I think he’s blocked my number,” he says with no room for further questions as he walks out of the room.

—

benjamin has found a wheely chair to spin around the room in whilst laurent peter and helmut (idk if he's here) debate on who is calling daniel, benjamin's like "I can call Daniel if you don't want to break the news," and frankly it's a bit concerning how three of these very grown men look very ready to take this offer.

eventually someone is like, you know what. we'll get MAX to call him. daniel will answer max's calls and they leave benjamin in the room with laurent whilst the rest of them look in the mirror and wonder what they need to do to atone for this hell-ish situation they've been placed in.

(there is no atonement possible. you must live in the decisions you made. no amount of apologies or prayers will be able to heal the deep, deep scars you have given. zero love and zero light will be given.)

“So Max works here or?” benjamin asks, if only to make small talk so they’re not sitting in silence. laurent takes a very long look, he's confused. he tells him that of course Max works here, he's a driver?? but reigns it in because maybe benjamin was asking if max was at some different RBR factory. or maybe he's asking because he thinks max is in monaco, laurent doesn't possess the brain cells needed right now.

benjamin is thinking oh maybe max's a sim driver. or a test driver. he knows that max's father was a f1 driver, but doesn't really know much else. nowhere in benjamin's brain is the thought that max is a formula 1 driver, and certainly nowhere in benjamin's brain is the thought that he's a 4x WDC.

max walks in, looks at benjamin. benjamin looks back. max walks out.

he walks in again. looks at benjamin again. walks out again.

he walks in again. is about to walk out when benjamin's like, "You know walking out for the third time doesn't activate me being sent back to my universe?"

(internally, max is like, oh my god. he talks exactly like daniel. i'm looking at another daniel. which you know. a little bit insane given that i wrote benjamin to look like max, and benjamin wouldn't really sound like daniel accent wise at least, given that they raised the kids in monaco, but you know. maybe the speech patterns are similar, who the fuck knows. easier to see the parts of the person you love than yourself in your kid. can't blame him, daniel did the exact same thing for like the whole fic.)

max immediately looks around at the whole group of people and does a head nod for benjamin to follow him into his office, and it’s probably not until he sees the replica WDC trophy sitting on a bookcase with max’s name inscribed on it benjamin’s like what the fuck…

in his head benjamin is like, i am hiding the fact that i am shocked about max being a driver so well. he’s not. he’s kinda just staring at the trophy but max is way too distracted about the fact that alternate him had a kid (emphasis on kid, singular) with daniel.

benjamin is stalking around the room looking at EVERYTHING, and he catches the photo of max and daniel in malaysia 2016 and is even more like what the fuck… BOTH of my parents are drivers?????

first thought: they’re both horrible normal road car drivers. maybe it makes sense now.

second thought: god it’s so cool that his parents (or this version of his parents) are formula 1 drivers. that’s like so arguably cool. suck it julian, he KNEW doing the DAUD program was a good thing. 

third thought: do they know sebastian vettel.

in this moment he has decided that this max and daniel cannot know that his max and daniel aren’t drivers. he kinda suspects that max might be going through a quick existential crisis and he’s not making it bigger by telling 4x WDC max that his max is a 0x WDC and has never driven a f1 car in his life. 

(also it has not crossed his mind that this max and daniel are not together. if you saw that photo of malaysia with max looking at daniel doing the shoey like he wants to jump his bones in public, yeah i wouldn’t question it either and end that line of thought immediately.)

i’m learning very quickly that benjamin processes things so quickly that he doesn’t really have time to freak out.

max is processing everything and benjamin is like “are you gonna call dad or?? where is he??”

max: dad?

benjamin: yeah. dad. daniel. this tall. your husband. or partner idk i don’t know, i’m not gonna assume. oh god are you guys broken up here please don’t tell me that. i mean like tell me, but like that’s so weird.

max kinda looks embarrassed and benjamin clocks him so quickly. 

benjamin: oh. you two aren’t together here. you two have never been together here.

max: … yeah

benjamin is immediately like fuck everything about them being drivers what do you MEAN they aren’t together???? he looks at the malaysia photo again. looks at max again. 

benjamin then decided his only goal is to parent trap his parents. which i think he did achieve. good job dude.

[dyl-z]

Hello! I sent a couple of anon asks a while back about you ranting in the tags and I’m so happy to see you actually do it 🥰 no more anon and I’ve got a question this time😅

Seeing as the AU is named after a Noah Kahan song (great choice btw!) which song would you assign each character in this universe 👀👀

OH MY GOD. Best ask ever I love noah kahan and yapping. (tbh as soon as you told me to yap in the tags I ran with it I love yapping so much it's all I do.) Thank you for giving me to an excuse to listen to every noah kahan song.

Barty: (honeslty every single Noah Kahan song is such Barty core)

Growing Sideways - do I even have to explain. No? well, I am going to. The terrifying ordeal of admitting you need help. This song is just so Barty core, especially in this AU but also it can be applied to so many characters such as Sirius and Remus so this is an honorary Sirius and Remus song as well.

Call Your Mom - Don't imagine this song after Barty's attempted suicide.

Cynic - not even going to explain just listen to the song

Sirius:

Godlight - Don't even need to explain to be honest. Just listen to the song and the first lyric will be so Sirius core that you'll understand.

False Confidence - (MY FAV NK SONG BTW) Even the title is so Sirius core, again this is just one you need to listen to and you'll get it.

Regulus:

Still + Part of Me - Black brother's angst must I say more.

Fear of Water - OK PUN INTENDED BUT ALSO THIS SONG IS SO REGULUS FEARING HIS OWN FEELINGS CORE. (This song is so jegulus in general honestly)

James:

Hollow - Him and his struggles to find himself and leave behind who he thinks everyone else wants him to be.

Busyhead - I hc him as having ADHD so busyhead itself fits him so well but also his fear of his own wants and desires is soooo

Remus:

Howling - ok so obligatory werewolf pun but also this song is sooo Remus core. But also "And I won't admit my parents split when I got sick / But I refuse to be a burden" IS SO REMUS CORE??

Bad Luck - Remus and his issues with substances while he's manic and his guilt about Sirius worrying about him.

Save Me - ok this is so Regulus, Sirius, AND Remus core but I'm putting in under Remus.

Lily:

The View Between Villages (Extended Ver.) - I love Lily angst and idk why but this song has such Lily vibes. Also an honorary Remus song as well, but I see Lily more for some reason. I can't even explain it but it gives such leaving her small-town life behind to make a name for herself.

Evan:

Strawberry Wine - This may be a controversial pick, but this song is so Evan and Rosekiller core. I picture Evan as this wannabe tough guy who doesn't want anyone to know his innermost thoughts, but then he meets Barty and somehow softens him right up. He can't help but let his feelings begin to shine through his tough exterior.

Hurt Somebody - early au Rosekiller need I say more

Dorcas + Marlene:

Sink - DORLENE CORE

Mary:

New Perspective - CHILDHOOD BESTFREINDS MARYLILY.

Peter:

Carlo's song - such a James and Peter friendship song. Just Peter watching James change and lose himself to his fears. (this is also such a Bartylus song)

Xeno: I COULDN'T FIND ONE I LIKED XENO I AM SO SORRY

Pandora:

Young Blood - Pandora who doesn't realize just how badly her childhood fucked her up because she seems well adjusted my love

[daydreamwhumpinc]

Fake Traitor Whump

Okay, so I kind of have a love-hate relationship with this whump trope, because I have seen so many cringy ways it is done in media, but it still have so much potential!

Imagine the Whumpee has to play the role of a traitor just to infiltrate the Bad Guys tm group.

Maybe they received an order from above that they have to play the role of the villain, so no one in their immediate group of friends know that they are just fake defecting. It hurts so much looking at their betrayed faces and knowing that they can't say anything back.

Maybe the person who ordered them to defect is the only one knows and so not to create any trail back to the good guys and give them plausible deniability, so if they get caught they are on their own.

Maybe the Whumpee has a very low perception of themselves, so they don't even question that it has to be them to play the traitor and that no one will care about them enough anyway to go into the enemy's den and save them afterwards.

Maybe the Whumpee is hurt, deep down in their soul, that their friends believed so easily that they would ever be capable of betraying their friends.

Maybe when the Whumpee is finally discovered to be a fake traitor by the Bad Guys tm and have them, potentially, mortally wounded, all they could think about is how they wished to be able to tell all their friends that they didn't betray them after all. The Whumpee wants to see their friends trust them one more time again.

Maybe the Whumpee has some kind of poison pill that they take after they are found out as a fake traitor, so the Bad Guys tm can't get any real information from them. Imagine the Whumpee's friends find them only after they already poisoned themselves..... Ah, the possibilities.

Imagine the guilt of the friends if the Whumpee actually dies and they realize that their last moments were filled with the memories of them hating the Whumpee..... The ANGST!!!!

Maybe the friends of the Whumpee get angry at the person who ordered the Whumpee to become a fake traitor.

Maybe after everything is cleared up and the Whumpee survives, when someone tries to accuse the Whumpee of being a traitor, their friends get angry, because "How dare you accuse Whumpee of something like that after everything they gave up and did for us!"

You see, the one Whump scenario of fake traitor I was thinking about involves my favorite platonic relationship of royalty and their Servant. Imagine, the servant is asked by the Queen/King to act as a fake traitor for the Bad Group tm that is plotting against the prince/princess. Since the servant is the one serving the prince/princess they seemed to be like a good target who can turn away from their duty just because of an allure of gold or some perceived slight by the royals. Only the Queen/King knows that they are a fake traitor, because they don't want anything coming back to the royal family since it might create some kind of public outcry/diplomatic incident, so the Servant is on their own if they get caught. The Servant think that their life consists only to serve their prince/princess, because who are they to even try and compare themselves to the royals. The prince/princess can't possibly see them as anything, but a lowly servant. They TOTALLY can't be friends with the prince/princess, that's just absurd!

The King/Queen gives them a poison pill so if they are found out and captured they can have a quick death and not reveal any real information to the enemy. The servant understands that even if they succeed in their mission, they still have to quietly disappear since only the King/Queen will know of their mission and they will still be technically labeled as a traitor. So they do it, they play their role diligently and when everyone in the kingdom finds out about their supposed betrayal and people viciously whisper that they wouldn't expect anything else from them, they just hang their head low and take it all and keep quite. When the prince/princess asks them why they did it, they just keep quite, because they can't just betray their royal mission no matter how much it hurt. They are just a servant, so they keep quite.

Somehow, later, the servant is taken by the bad guys tm and they find out that they are just a fake traitor. Seeing as there is no other way and no one is coming to save them, the servant takes out the poison pill that the King/Queen gave them. Back in the palace, the prince/princess finds out the truth and confronts the King/Queen who only says that you should be ready to loose some people when you are a royal and that the lives of many outweigh the life of one servant. The prince/princess is royally (heh, no pun intended) pissed and leave to try and save their servant. They arrive just as the servant is half dead from poison and, while trying to save them, apologize profusely and rant at the servant that they shouldn't have done this. That the servant should have trusted them with the secret, that the servant's life worth so much more than this mission.

The Servant then recovers (I need my comfort, but they can die too, I guess, you heathens/ affectionate) and everyone talk about their feelings LOL

[bean-spring]

You can understand Helena's complexity, the reasons behind her actions and the inherent connection between her and Mark that is clearly there beyond questioning if she's Helly or not ("that sort of kinship carry over from innie to outie"), because at the end of the day, she is her (in different circumstances and enviornments).

But that doesn't mean that outside of the poetry and natural attraction between them there isn't the whole question of whether this is right or wrong. It isn't just "this is rape and she's inherently and utterly evil" or "they're the same person and she's also hurt, so it's okay" because that would minimize what the show is working so hard on. And that is fucking with our heads making us wonder who we truly are, what things would make us commit these actions, what truly is freedom, and at what point we stop being ourselves.

Let me make this clear (it's just my opinion): No, it wasn't consensual. Mark didn't consent to having sex with Helena. He thought it was Helly. That part is obvious to everyone. The whole "he said he doesn't care who she is outside, but he cares who she is with him, so it is consensual!" doesn't matter when he actually doesn't know who the fuck she is. He is being lied to. He said that because he thought he was talking to his Helly and didn't care who she was outside because, at the end of the day, despite being the same people, innies are practically born again (socially) and build a personality and experiences from the very beginning, from their very first memory that is appearing in the office (Dan literally refers to this point of their lives as "adolescense" while S1 was "childhood"). And they keep fighting for their rights and individual freedom.

I don't think we're giving this its proper depth, tbh. It isn't just "Helena wasn't Helly here". It's: Helena has way more knowledge than Mark has, while Mark believes they're both on the same page. Helena went there hoping for an experience in specific with him (selfishly), while for Mark it happened way more organically. Helena has said she doesn't view innies as human and has been watching them as if they were a Sims 4 gameplay. For Mark, it's Helly and the fact that their connection goes beyond that night while for Helena it's not that much about Mark himself. There is a clear, obvious power difference in here and she is, after all, for now, one of the antagonists. We can't forget that.

But it isn't just "evil" or "bad" or "cruel". Because Helena, due to the lack of freedom in her own life, is in the same place (in a different enviornment, though and turning that into power over others instead) as them. She longs for a human connection she has never experienced before. She is broken and torn apart about who she truly is. She uses Mark to experience this, yes, but at what point does that turn into real attraction? At what point her jealousy towards her innie and dehumanization of both herself and the group turns into her also realizing she's the same and understanding Mark? At what point does Mark fall for and embrace the kinship that connects Helly/Helena (that guilt and shame and lack of freedom and yearning for love) instead of just seeing double? At what point does Helena stop seeing a chance to experience love to start seeing... Just Mark?

And after ALL OF THAT it still doesn't make it okay to do what she did.

In the most natural, poetic, human perception of this scene, there is a connection between no matter who they are. But memories and shared experiences are also a huge part of ourselves, we do change with them. Both Mark and Helly have said multiple times that they don't see themselves as an extension of their outies and are their own selves. It doesn't matter whether they are the same or not, it's how they see it. Mark never agreed to share his body with Helena specifically and that's taking away from him the chance of choosing individually. His freedom.

In my opinion it was 100% rape but it's way deeper than just that. It's still awful, though, and we have to start learning to embrace complex characters and try to understand them without only being guided by our IRL moral compass.

[tribalauthor]

THE WISEWOMAN (roman reigns ff) <chapter 14>

word count: 2.1K

Roman's POV:

Me and Sophia are in my home now. The place where I was born and grew up - Pensacola. We are in our big yard, eating a classic Samoan barbecue with the company of my family.

My mother specifically kept asking her a lot of questions about her life and to be completely honest I didn't quite listen cause I was too busy admiring my girlfriend's beautiful body that was hugged by the baby blue floral summer dress she is wearing and most specifically her breasts that are cupped by it.

Suddenly I felt a strong hit on my shoulder that completely startled me out of the unholy thoughts that I was having about my girlfriend.

"I raised you better than this." dad said quietly yet with scolding tone.

My father played such an important role for my mindset that is today. Frankly, if it wasn't for him, I'd probably never become a wrestler. He saw my potential before anyone else...even before myself.

He must have noticed how I look at Sophia and as a man, I expect him to understand me here but as I see, he wants me to behave. I couldn't help but feel bad.

"Don't blame me, dad." I whispered at him.

"I don't. The girl is amazing but please, keep your composure." he replied while he slightly widened his eyes.

I resemble him in a lot of ways. People tell me I look like him and act like him a lot, so I can bet my ass when he was young and met mom, he was completely crazy over her. But of course, he will never admit it to me.

"You are such a well-spoken woman, Sophia." I heard mom remarking. Judging by her expression and body language, she seems to like Soph and that brings me so much relief and comfort.

She didn't quite like my ex-wife ever since the moment I brought her here. Moms are always right. They really know when somebody isn't right for you. My dad has also been telling me that I shouldn't stick to a woman I met in the darkest period of my life.

I met Michelle when I thought I was never returning to WWE again. I had a serious injury that could have ended my life and even if it didn't, it was questionable if I could return to sports one day. I was so lost and depressed. She was my escapism to all of that.

I really viewed her as a breath of fresh air and all that and she was. That's why I was convinced she was the love of my life and married her and tnen I found out she doesn't want kids.

I mean it's her choice, of course, I am not judging but when you marry someone, you have to have similar goals for the future, right?

Not to mention that the second I returned to WWE and started to become the greatest in the business, I felt her pulling away.

She just wasn't the same person I met when I was at my lowest. And that's why people say it's not important how people treat you at your lowest but at your highest.

Michelle is the pure examle for that. The more I was rising at work, the more she was drifting away from me. What she told me was that she just didn't feel like a priority to me which is completely wrong.

I was always trying to spend time with her as much as I could but I guess, there is nothing I could do if she felt that way. I couldn't convince her and I wasn't intending to.

That's why our divorce process was very smooth and unproblematic. No quarrels, no scandals, no fights.

So yeah, people sometimes can underestimate the vibe check on the parents and the clichè sayings.

Right now before me, I see my mom and sisters watching my girlfriend talk smartly, my lil' nephews drooling over her and my nieces admiring her.

I feel completed.

"And how does Paul feel about this?" my eldest sister asked.

"He just threatened my career." I replied with my arms crossed and the table was filled with laughter.

"It's so amazing. The fact that your uncle has been with our family for such a long time. I remember him ever since he was so, so young and now his niece being with my son. A generational bond." my dad remarked and I couldn't help but giggle.

"We may be talking about very deep generational tie here. I agree." mom replied and I took a sip of my water cup. "If you two have kids." I suddenly choked on my drink and started coughing like crazy and Sophia started hitting my back immediately.

"Sophia, you want kids, right?" mom asked her.

"Of course. I'd love to have one day." my girlfriend replied.

"Great. His ex-wife didn't want." she spoke with bitter tone.

"Mom." I said with scolding tone.

"Are we going to have little cousins?" one of my little nieces asked excitingly and I gave mom the "you fix this" look.

Sophia's POV:

"All these trophies are yours?" I asked Joe as I was looking at the shelf full of trophies in his room.

We just had a pretty amazing day with his family and relatives. I got to know his parents and sisters. I spent time with his nephews and nieces as well all of which are raised so good.

I could see the wrestling genes are running in the whole family. The boys were fighting like crazy in the yard, I got scared for a second but Roman and Sika assured me it's a full circle moment. They were even advising them how to do the moves better and so on.

A bit scary yet wholesome.

I was left with the impression they liked me though but even if it was a pretend, it was a good one.

"Yup. I won my first one at seven. Even before you were born." he replied and I smiled continuously admiring the different gold figures in front of me. "I told you I have always been a winner."

"Impressive." I muttered. His room really looked like the typical room of a jock. Judging by what I've seen in the movies. High school me would never hang out in a place like this and I couldn't help but let out a mute giggle at that fact.

"I'm sorry if mom made you feel awkward, she just-" I interrupted him.

"No worries. She just wants grandkids like every mother." I replied logically. My mom has never expressed if she wants grandkids but even if she does, I don't know when she would be able to see them from her work schedule. What I know is that she would make sure the best midwife is around me.

"But it's too soon to be talking about this. Hope she didn't scare you." my boyfriend looked seriously concerned. I mean in a way I understand him since some of my peers as a whole can get triggered by this topic.

Not me though. Especially when my best friends are starting to get pregnant and the ones from high school are probably even expecting second kids.

"Nope. Not at all." I shrugged and finally decided to sit next to him on his bed. "This is not a taboo topic."

"I know but I had to make sure you are okay." he replied with cutely nodding his head.

"You're so cute." I exclaimed as I softly grabbed his face and kissed his lips. "I'm gonna eat you."

Joe looked excitingly scared with his boba brown eyes popping out. That expression however suddenly changed into a smug one.

"You know what I'm gonna eat? Those boobs." he said and buried his face in my cleavage making me squeal.

"Not here." I whisper-yelled.

"Why not?" he pouted and grabbed my wrists.

"I am not doing any freaky stuff in your old household where anybody can hear us." I declared. "I'm a woman of class."

"You just don't wanna make your biggest nightmare a reality." Joe said with that tone of a therapist who is psycho analysing you.

"What? Don't be ridiculous." I rolled my eyes.

"It's true." he argued and as I was about to argue back, the door opened abruptly and it was the younger part of Joe's nephews and nieces, running to our bed.

"Uncle." they all yelled and climbed on the bed.

"We came here to say good night to you and aunt Soph." one of the curly haired angels named Alani spoke. They are all so sweet and the way they call me aunt is just so wholesome, it fills my heart.

I love kids.

Joe lifted himself up a bit and all of them went to hug him. I think I'm gonna pass out any second.

"Good night, my little angels." he replied to them as he stroked everyone's dark curly hairs.

"Good night, aunt Soph." they yelled and now they came to me for a hug.

I didn't hesitate to hug them back and I felt one of them burying his head close to my chest.

"Nuh-uh, little Julian." I heard Roman saying slightly dragging the boy's head away from my chest. "Go get your own."

"Leave the poor boy alone, Joseph, oh my god." I dragged the little kid back for a hug and my boyfriend squinted his eyes at me.

"You are very pretty, aunt Sophie." Julian now faced me. He is such a cute boy - around 5 years old with light brown skin and big brown boba eyes, curly hair.

"You are prettier." I replied and started tickling him a bit and the toddler started laughing out loud.

"You look like Barbie." Sarah exclaimed and I smiled at her, squeezing her little hand slightly.

"No, she looks like Pamela Anderson." Liam, the eldest one here which was around 9 years old opposed. Me and Roman exchanged confused looks.

"How'd you know Pamela Anderson?" his uncle asked him.

"I found some old magazines in my dad's bedroom shelf." the boy replied and I started shaking my head.

"You really do look like her, though." my boyfriend agreed and I gave him the dead look cause there is another thing we should be concerned about.

"There you guys are." one of Joe's sisters, Summer, got in the room. "It's late already. Leave uncle and aunt to sleep, okay? They must be tired from the flight and the match yesterday."

She collected them like little stones and the kids actually listened to her. What I noticed from earlier when we were at the table, they may seem reckless and full of energy like every kid but when their parents or relatives tell them something, they listen immediately.

"They are so cute." I said after they left.

"Indeed but lil Julian can be a trouble." Joe remarked and I rolled my eyes.

"I guess he takes after his uncle." I snapped at him and he laughed.

"Some of them has to have my traits." he defended himself and then leaned to kiss me.

"I wonder what the fans' reactions are from last night." I said as we got away.

"Let's check." Joe replied excitingly and got in a sitting position, as he reached for his phone on the nightstand. "I will see on Twitter, you go to Instagram." he suggested and I agreed.

We started going through our phones. I am kinda off-guard since Joe claimed before that he isn't a technology guy and so on, he barely uses his phone but yeah, of course right now he is gonna be interested what the fans are going to think about us.

We opened the apps excitingly and while I was in the search bar about to type what I'm looking for, the stuff was all over my feed.

The capture of us kissing.

Headlines all over the place and questions rising for our future. Of course, there are comments about our age difference.

"I don't know if I wanna be Sophia or Roman in this situation. " Joe read out loud and started laughing. I followed him cause this is a good one.

"I knew it from the start that they were meant to be" I read a comment from Instagram.

"I was the first who knew that." he replied and my lips formed a tiny smile of sweetness.

"Of course the Tribal Chief would get the good stuff." Joe continued reading and started laughing at this. "Period."

"I wanna be in Sophia's shoes so bad." I read out loud and chuckled.

We actually read mostly very positive things and I am very surprised from this fact. People seem invested in this already and me and Joe said we shall not disappoint them.

[ussuri-tiger]

I wrote a whole thing about why Catra's decisions in the beginning of the show are very understandable, focusing a lot on Adora's complete lack of threat perception and lack of disclosure making it very hard for Catra to make the complete jump into the dark that going AWOL from an Evil Horde is, especially when you consider how Shadow Weaver shaped her world view and expectations.

As the show goes on there's a race between Catra's understanding of the Rebellion being not so bad and perhaps willing to forgive and her own transgressions ruling her out as a possible beneficiary of such forgiveness, a door that is fully shut with the events of Shadow Weaver joining the rebellion and the Portal.

There's a few stages to Catra's evolution through the show though it keeps the same overall trajectory. Initially she's, imo, trying to replicate the safety and camaraderie she had with Adora by forming the Super Pals Trio. She'll have their back and they'll have her back, and it works pretty well up until the Crimson Wastes where repeated body blows to her psyche put her in a frame of mind to make some truly awful decisions.

One series of awful decisions later her trajectory is altered as she alters herself to fit the expectations and roles of the Horde, there's a lot less Catra in Catra by season four compared to earlier seasons because as much as lashing out and anger are a part of her personality that's a flattening of her character and this flattening is to help her serve her role and push her guilt aside with anger.

Ultimately this both succeeds and fails, succeeds in the sense that she has the Alliance on the ropes and displaces Hordak as leader but fails because as much as she's at war with the Princess Alliance she's also at war with herself and she's losing that war. Then the Heart reverses the fortunes of the war against the Alliance too.

Now you have a thoroughly tormented catgirl who's been harmed by others but more recently harmed by herself all to get a role whose supposed safety has proven illusory fighting a war that's now turned against her.

All that for nothing. Catra's not so much feeling energized to do better as much as too exhausted to keep doing worse her self-worth is nil. 'What're you waiting for, do it' are her words to Glimmer when she's got the magical equivalent of a gun pointed at her.

And then she goes to space.

Given time and space in the semi-captivity of Prime's ship she's given a chance to think and be introspective. Her self-worth probably recovers a bit in this time but not by much, she goes through the motions but...

Trinity : Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be.

She's climbed power structures before, she's been the underdog before, she's played a bad hand well for her own power before and she hated it. Still, she knows how it works and it's as much habit as choice by now, surviving.

With Prime though things are harder, she has even less agency in how she fits into the Galactic Horde. With Glimmer reminding Catra how alone she is and Adora just being seen to remind her of something she cares about.

Both Glimmer and Adora keep her from fully succumbing to that habit. Glimmer nettles her about how alone Catra is and seeing Adora threatened reminds Catra that she still cares. Then Glimmer asks a lonely catgirl to stay and she does. While I don't think Catra makes her final decision at this point I do think this is the last external push needed for Catra to change her course, she gets the rest of the way there sitting in a window watching the apocalypse from orbit.

The key here, in my opinion, isn't Catra's intrinsic willingness to do nice things so much as her willingness to bear the usually brutal cost. Because that's her life, when she does something nice she very often catches hell for it so she tries to be discreet, a bit nice perhaps but not so nice that she gets caught. Now though, with Catra's self-worth still pretty low and her future looking bleak at best, her life is not such a high price to pay, if she can help someone she loves... still.

So she saves Glimmer, helps Adora and apologizes to her, she knows she's going to catch hell for this but she's accepted that.

Getting saved and having to continue living in the aftermath of that choice is almost as hard as the choice itself, in Corridors she poured hours or perhaps days of intentionality into 5-10 minutes of saving Glimmer and apologizing to Adora. Now she has to learn to bring that intention to the present which is hard for her but she does manage it.

Catra Rant! >w<

Everything has a cause and effect. If you don’t water a flower it will die. If you tell a child their worth and literal life is based on and how much another person loves them, they will believe you. That child will learn to do anything for that person’s affection, as she was told she would be literally killed if that person didn’t like her anymore.

What she-ra does amazing at showing is how someone can do bad things, but that doesn’t make them a bad person. Catra obviously throughout the show makes many bad choices and hurts many people but that is because she was desperately fighting to make herself a title and give herself worth when Adora left.

A lot of anti-catra’s make the argument that Catra had the opportunity to leave with Adora, but let me count the times and reasons she (and you) wouldn’t want to go with her, keeping in mind how her worth was defined by her relationship with Adora her whole life:

When Adora initially left she told Catra to stay behind so she could sneak out and then from Catra’s perspective ran away with two strangers who where now her best friends (replaced Catra) and the only reason she asked her to come along was because she was there in the moment. Adora never tried to go back for her.

She went out of her way to save glimmer and bow after princess prom, but Catra damn well knew Adora never came back for her. And yet Catra still saved her from the horde and gave her back her sword. Does Adora understand why? No, does Catra even know why? Probably not consciously, but subconsciously it’s because she cares so deeply about Adora, she just won’t admit it to herself because the ways she was betrayed by Adora.

And THEN Adora (accidentally) tells Catra that Shadow Weaver abandoned and used Catra to get to Adora which sends her in a complete mental spiral and she ends up setting off the portal in a manic episode.

in the portal, Adora forcibly Tazed and kidnapped Catra to bring her to the sword with her, where her intention was good but also Tazing someone you love to force them to come with you? Not very smart, I’d be pretty pissed too.

At that point Catra was so caught up in being her own person, even if that meant being the bad guy, just to separate herself from someone who hurt her so badly. It makes sense that it took her loosing Hordak’s trust, Scorpia’s relationship, DT’s relationship, her title, EVERYTHING for her to fully understand that “oh shit I need to move past what Adora did to me and fix what greater good I can while I’m still alive”

Everything that happened to Catra was the cause for her actions. Cause and Effect. Does that make it okay? No. Does it make her a bad person? Also no.

You while reading allat:

I’m sorry <3

[raticalshoez]

i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode

[astertimberwolf]

We're all survivors of one too many bad things happening to us. I've healed from a lot, but CPTSD still makes me feel like I'm the lonelist of all, at times... Mostly because of trust issues. It becomes so hard to trust again and so easy to become a hermit or social recluse who never wants to leave their safe space or interact with other people ever again- out of fear of being abused, hurt, let down, disappointed, etc. all over- for the umpteenth time.

I think the thing that stings the most is- knowing, deep down, that the likelihood of you finding love... AKA someone who understands you wholly, respects you, cherishes you, supports you and wants to know- and love every single part of you... Is close to none. At least for me it is- or feels that way. When people look at me, they only see my mental health issues, my quirks, my defects, my vulnerabilities- or worse yet: my past mistakes. They're not able to see that there's a complex, emotionally deep, sensitive, empathetic, caring conscious being underneath all this.

Yes, I'm autistic and have ADHD. Yes, I suffer from Complex PTSD, which can lead to unfounded anxiety or depressive bouts from time to time- and hinder my ability to socialize and connect to others... But I've got a lot of love to give as well, a past- complete with a stupid number of experiences, both good and bad... a story to tell- a personality, which, while quirky, doesn't make me repulsive or hard to be around. I've also got lots of hobbies and interests as well... In short, I'm not just another "walking, talking problem" or "NPC you can interact with". I'm a person that can add color to your life. All you have to do is take some time to get to know me. If you're not a bad person, then I don't bite at all and won't retreat into myself to safeguard my wellbeing.

Life is so short, yet so many people have been traumatized or are socially maladapted to a stupid degree because they grew up on toxic social media... Wouldn't it be amazing if it became easier to form bonds and deeper connections with people? If we learnt to communicate and respect each other more? Live in harmony despite being very different? Share laughs, good memories and find company in one-another?

I don't know if this pain is just a consequence of having CPTSD- or if it's a whole slew of generations that depended on the internet for everything and, now, don't know how to form meaningful friendships / relationships with one-another.

If we want to change things for the better, we have to start putting more time, effort and points into empathy and mutual understanding. I have... But so many people I have come across have not, and it's deeply saddening and disheartening that nobody takes the time to develop their emotional intelligence or maturity any more... I want a better world and better people...

...a better future. I'm fighting for all that, tooth and nail. But will people join my plea and fight? Can we turn this around...? Be it through investing more time in platforms where you actually have a semblance of seeing a person in front of you like VRChat- or even creating new places where people can gather and help one another?

I don't know anymore. I'm rambling at this point. But I think these are real problems that everyone is just looking away from or denying the existence of by pretending everything is fine... It really is not. Can we make this year, a year where humanity starts slowly turning around and becomes a truly social, communal species again- instead of this individualistic, narcissistic, consumeristic / capitalistic nonsense? I know the former sounds political, but it really isn't. Look at how the most popular social media platforms are designed to enrage us, manipulate us, degrade our attention, ability to function- and click on stupid ragebait and misinformation. All for the sake of targeted adverts, engagement... And at the end of the day, money. It's always about that and not people's wellbeing. Is there a way to stop this and start over? :(

believe me, it hurts like hell to face the fact no one is coming to save you.. but fighting to save yourself can give you a connection to yourself that no one else can give you. it's a feeling that honestly can't be put into words. but it's so worth sticking around for.

and this doesn't mean you have to fight alone. there will be people in your life who can help tend your wounds. give you a safe space to rest. teach you how to strengthen the parts of yourself that are injured. or simply be with you in between battles, doing all the wonderful things that make life worth living, together.

i don't know if that made sense. i just want anyone else going through it to know there is another side to the hopelessness and desperation you're feeling. maybe it won't feel like mine is. but i do hope it's just as rewarding for you. you deserve that much, and so much more.

whatever you're facing now does not have to be the end of you. keep going. i promise you're worth it.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[mercymaker]

also, sorry for going quiet in some chats and servers, lately i've just been so incredibly overwhelmed that i'm struggling to keep up with absolutely everything