#no one in my life understands just how bad it is and i don't know how to explain it to them; or if i even want to

[oldqueergrandma]

Everyone's experience has nuance, so here is mine;

While I was in high school, I was having a pretty good time. I had a circle of friends besides my one Worstie. I outsmarted a couple of scheduling problems so that I could take instrumental music, vocal music, and art electives each year. I'd started going to SF/Conventions so I'd found My People and my world was already a lot bigger than my high school.

It wasn't until later that I saw how seriously fucked up my life was then. Why I busted my ass to go to college four hours away, and then just collapsed. That drive I had in high school evaporated on me. I was free, and I didn't really understand what that meant.

Some years later, after he went through a lot of therapy, my (3 years younger) brother asked me if I could pinpoint "when things at home got really bad."

My reply was that they got steadily worse. I could really see it when I flunked out of college and had to move back home the following year.

For him, that year I went away marked the "Worst" year. And I just stared at him and very softly said, "And why do you think that? What was different about that year?"

I watched him connect the dots at last. "You weren't there... To protect me."

"And I'm sorry."

Now, we didn't have a horror story.

We weren't beaten, or starved. We weren't forced to work part-time jobs while in school to feed the family. My brothers were allowed to play sports and I was allowed to pursue art.

But we were being emotionally abused, financially abused, and watching our parents' descent into their own miserable madness.

High school is when you start to see the bigger picture. High school is when many of us start to see what kind of cage we have been living in.

And, for some people, they don't experience that awareness. They love it so much because it's the only time in their lives when the ratio of freedoms-to-Responsibilities is favorable. And they spend their life reliving those Glory Days.

But I gotta tell you, and tell you truly:

It gets better. It's going to get better in ways that you might not even know about. You are going to become the manager of your own affairs, and that means you're going to get to make choices about the shape of your life.

High school *can* be practice for figuring out your life. But once you're no longer being monitored, you have only yourself to answer to.

If your life right now is miserable, try to find a space in your mind to decide what you want it to be like.

One day, you will be able to curate your experiences fully.

Maybe you won't have a mansion to live in, but an apartment. If you need personal space that is really private, promise yourself now that you'll work toward that goal. (Ditto for a house full of fun roommates, a dorm room all tricked out with a loft, or house with a yard.)

One day, you will be able to curate your friend group, based on people you like, who are supportive and fun. You won't be thrown together with randos who happen to live nearby and were born the same year.

One day, you won't have to sneak around to date. One day, you can make your own choices (including not to date.)

Life is a great adventure. Consider me the wizard walking through the door to inform you that you're special. That there is great peril, but also great rewards ahead. It is dangerous to go alone.

But take my hand. Everything will turn out right in the end.

what a beautiful day to not be in high school

[thewritingfairy]

When I think of nobody's child I feel that one of the most depressing and scary things is that the reader can't learn self defense/will have the hardest time learning it because of how their medical condition is, especially how it's got after Jason's beating.

I was thinking of an idea you can make into an UA where the reader's mother was secretly an ex assassin or a spy or something like that who was so good at what she was doing to the point that even Bruce didn't suspect a thing when he met her. He thought that she was a completely Normal person.

Maybe she left the field when she got pregnant, or maybe because of her medical condition.

The mom believes that the best way to protect someone is to teach them how to protect themselves. so she ends up teaching the reader how to fight, how to read people and how to know if someone is a danger.

I remember reading from a book named Spy secrets that can save your life. It's talked about trusting your sense of danger and knowing how to read people and situations.

It said that one of the best ways to not get in danger is to avoid it in a safe way. Know when to be nice and when to show how much you don't trust.

I wonder how much may change with this. Imagine the reader not telling the fam about how strong they are but the one who started to really see that they are strong are Damian and Cassandra.

Damian attacked them with a katana and in the kitchen and they blocked him and fight him of using a pan. (I took this one from Rapunzel 😅) Like imagine Cass walking in on the 'Normal' kid fighting the son of assassins. 🗡️vs🍳

Also imagine when Damian attacked Tim the reader defended him (using the pan again?).

I believe in this UA they will tell the reader about their nightly activities. Maybe the reader didn't want to join because they know their medical condition and how the vigilant life can negatively affect it.

I don't know how Jason attacking them will go. But if they are strong enough to fight off Damian they will be strong enough to fight him off (?).

Anyway, I love how you portraited Jason. Even if he is a bigger asshole in this fic (I love Jason) he's still believable in a way. I can imagine a universe that has a Jason who is like that. I mean there's a universe where Bruce sacrifices Damian to a Demon to protect Gotham.

Love your work. Please take care.

-😶‍🌫️

Story mentioned: Nobody's child

First off, I absolutely understand why you feel that Reader's inability to defend themselves is one of the most scary and depressing thing. But what I believe is the scariest part about this is, they used to be able too. Reader always had moments of great health. Before Jason's attack Reader was already losing strength, but they didn't know why, after Jason's attack their illness just flared up.

They were able to defend Tim because their mom made sure to keep their health up when their first health flare disappeared. Reader's mama was basically obsessed with preventing another flare up, but did that obsessing in a productive and non-toxic way.

But your au idea is a good one, and Jason's attack would still make sense as well as the other details (to an extent). Health can come in waves, some weeks I do have the strength to carry 4 kilos with both arms. Some days I cannot carry 1 kilo with my bad arm. And I used to be able to lift up to 10 and 20 kilos (something I was really proud of and my doctor too, this was with the help of my bad arm/shoulder. I am advised to not pick up more then 2 to 3 kilos alone with my shoulder as it could stress my birth condition severely if I lift the object wrong).

Reader's health also comes in waves, and their waves are more problematic then mine because due to their drive to get out of the Wayne manor they forget to take care of themselves. And they have no one to help them, sometimes a wave is just too harsh and you cannot get out of it yourself, so their health tends to get worse and worse until their friends (and Duke) can help them or motivate them to try and get their health back.

But I like the pan idea, tangled is my favourite practice new languages movie bcs the humour of the pan hitting Flinn or another character translates in every language.

[differenteagletragedy]

Heyyy !!

So i had an idea.

Since Simon doesn’t celebrate birthdays at all, let’s imagine a world where reader’s birthday comes before his.

How would he react?

I thought that maybe he would ignore it just like anyone else’s birthday which would sadden reader A HELL LOT.

I absolutely live for angst so I believe that Simon would be crushed once he realizes his mistake and try to fix it.

Anyway, I hope that was understandable! Your writing is so good, I’m a 100% sure you’ll turn this into a masterpiece !

THANK YOU!??!!?! I live for the angst too, big big time, I hope you like it!!!

Simon keeps a watchful eye on you as you get ready for a night out with friends. He watches you do your hair and makeup, slide into a tight little dress, and it's a pleasant sight to see, but something's off. There's a tenseness in your shoulders, and he can't figure out the source.

"Everything all right?" he asks from his spot on the bed while you move to the closet to find a pair of shoes.

"Yep," you answer in a tone that tells him that everything is not, in fact, all right.

He stands, making his way to you, and you still when he puts his hands on your hips, pulling you so that your back rests against his chest.

"Can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is, love."

"The problem," you tell him, sliding around to face him, "is that I'm going to be late if you keep being handsy."

He lets you slip away from him.

Later that night, when you come home, you're buzzed enough to be honest but not enough to be belligerent about it. He meets you at the door, kneels to take your shoes off for you, and you begin.

"I'm sad."

He sets the shoes down and stands, taking your hands in his, and says, "Well, we can't have that, now can we?"

"It's my birthday," you tell him.

"As of midnight, yes."

"... You knew?"

There's hurt in your eyes, and Simon understands immediately that he's played this all wrong, but he's still trying to work out where exactly he failed.

"'Course I knew," he answers truthfully. "I know everything about you."

"Then why didn't you say anything? My friends took me out for my birthday, and you ... you didn't even say anything. You didn't want to come. Why not?"

"Because I knew you'd have more fun with your friends than you'd have with me."

It's another truth, but it's just the tip of the iceberg.

You sigh, then drop one of his hands, taking the other and leading him to the couch. You've been together long enough that he knows what this is -- you've just realized you've uncovered another piece of Simon Riley that is a little bit peculiar, and you want to talk it out.

"So here's the thing," you begin, sitting next to him. "I love you. I love being around you. And I want to be around you on my birthday."

He fights against the din that begins immediately in his mind -- the too-loud thoughts about how he doesn't deserve this understanding, doesn't deserve your kindness, doesn't deserve you, and he tries to speak.

Nothing comes out.

It's too many things, too many mistakes. It's the deep-seated feeling that plagued him at the beginning of the relationship, that quietened over time but is now back in full force, screaming through the silence in the room and making the patience in your stare painful: he's not cut out for this.

Finally, in a small, defeated voice, he says, "I was going to tell you happy birthday."

You pull him into a hug, then push him down until he's half-laying on the couch, his head in your lap and your fingers running through his hair. He closes his eyes, part of him waiting for this to be the final straw for you and part of him knowing, somehow, that you love him too much to let him go.

"Listen," you say softly, "I know sometimes you feel like you're not enough. But I need you to know that you are, ok? You're more than enough for me, Simon, you're everything. And that means spending birthdays with me and holidays and good times and bad times and everything else that makes up a life, because I want to share my life with you. Is that what you want?"

He can't say it in words, he doesn't know any that would suffice. He tries to say it in actions, in the way he gives you the first cup of tea, how he scrapes the ice off your windshield when it frosts and how he stops the radio in the car on your favorite songs, even when he can't stand them. He tries to press it into you too, through his hands and his mouth when he holds you.

Now, in the moment, he nods, his head still resting in your lap, and he hopes you can feel everything else. How hard he tries.

Your touch turns softer, and you pause to lean down and press a soft kiss on his temple.

"So tell me."

He hesitates, then turns to lay on his back so that he can look up at you. He feels the corners of his mouth tug upwards into a smile, small but genuine. It still feels strange, even after all these months, like a muscle that's never quite developed. It aches a little less every time.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he says.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Glam & Grease

Fandom: Marvel (Car Mechanic AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Requested by @lemonylover : what about like mechanic bucky where reader comes in for a date but he forgot so instead he shows her how to fix up cars and her nice dress gets all dirty but she loves it, something like that

Warning: lots of sexual innuendos

Grease & Rust | Lapse of Judgement | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Bucky said he'd be picking you up at 7pm. It was 7:30 now and he wasn't answering his phone. You were worried.

Despite you all dressed up in a cute dress and heels, you grabbed a hoodie and slipped it on. You went out and hopped into your new car, because yes, you finally got one after Angel died for the final time.

You drive over to Barnes Auto Shop and are surprised to see Bucky still there, hunched over a car.

"Bucky?"

He looks over his shoulder in confusion and his eyes widen in realization, "Shit!" He turns to you as you walk up to him, "I'm so sorry, baby. I lost got track of time and-fuck."

You shake your head, "Baby, it's okay. I was just worried something bad happened. I was calling your phone and was getting the automated message from the shop."

Bucky sighs, "Sorry I worried you," he looks you and up and down. He pouts a little, "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," you say after looking down at your dress, "I cancelled the reservation since I wasn't sure if you were in trouble or not."

"I understand. The night's still young. I can take a quick shower and-"

You place your finger on his lips, "Or, how about we order some pizza and you show me what you're working on?"

Bucky cocks a brow at you, "You sure? You got all nice and pretty and you're probably gonna get covered in grease-"

"Not the first time I've been covered in grease because of you," you say with a smirk and a twinkle in your eyes.

He chuckles, "True, but very well. Don't get mad at me if the stains won't come out."

You shrug, "You'll buy me a new dress anyway," you kiss his cheek and then pull out your phone to order a pizza.

____________________________________

With a half eaten pizza resting on his desk long forgotten, Bucky has you hunched over the car.

His hands grip your waist as he stands behind you.

"Tighten up, atta girl. That's it. You're doing so well," he kisses your neck as you twist the wrench tight.

You smile at him over your shoulder, "Am I skilled enough for you to hire me?"

He chuckles, "Pretty sure people will question my professionalism if I'm dating one of my employees, sweetheart."

"I mean, you don't have to pay me in money. You can pay me in...other things."

Bucky throws his head back and laughs, "Baby, it sounds like you're quoting a porn film."

You shrug, "Life imitates art," you step back and assess your dress. There are, indeed, grease stains all over the skirt, especially where Bucky had his hands on your hips.

Bucky hums, thumbing some of the fabric, "It really is a pretty dress."

"Would look prettier on your floor," you look at him, batting your eyes.

Your boyfriend snorts and places his hands on his hips, "Sweetheart-"

"Come oooonn, you know how watching you work riles me up," you whine, running your hands up Bucky's chest.

"We'll get your dress even more dirty."

"You act as if it'd be the first time."

Bucky sighs and shakes his head, "Lemme close up shop and we can head home. We'll both clean up and spend the rest of the night in."

"Doing...."

"Whatever you want."

"Then I wanna do you."

Bucky laughs even more, "Insatiable woman," he pats your butt, "Come on. Lemme clean all this up." You step aside and let him do his thing.

You look down at your dress, covered in grease, and, despite how much you liked it, you didn't care that it was ruined. All you cared about was that Bucky was okay and that you still got to spend time with him.

[1-800-local-slut]

Hi jenny. I wanted to request if you could please do reader with the personality of april O'Neil from rise tmnt as mark grayson girlfriend . April O'Neil's powers primarily revolve around her enhanced psychic abilities and telekinetic skills, often stemming from her connection with the Aon crystal. These powers include the ability to sense danger, track telepathically, and even manifest telekinesis

Mystic energy manipulation: April wields a baseball bat imbued with mystic energy, magnifying the power behind her strikes when activated..

I just really live this April's personality since she's just a all around amazing and funny person to be around. She's just much better in personality compared to 2012 april but not to fully downgrade 2012 april.

Sort of just asking for dating headcanons and how they match each other's vibe together.

Ooo this looks fun! Thank you for the request beautiful! I'm sorry this took so long, I'm attempting to balance everything in my life rn. I appreciate your patience sooo much! I used to love TMNT growing up but grew out of cartoons by the time ROTTMNT came out. But it's been on my watch list for a while now!

Mark Grayson x Black! Superpowered! Reader

Warnings: mention of y'all arguing but nothing serious, just fluff and good vibes!

༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺

🐢 Mark loves him some you, just like you love you some him.

🐢You two balance each other out. You're high energy, always on the go and full of life. Mark is on the calmer end. He's more likely to just sit quietly, give a few verbal warnings until he feels there's no more time for warnings

🐢You two are down for any and everything though. Usually your idea, such as going on a random road trip or seeing how much food you could hold in your mouths at one time

🐢"Babe I feel funny" Gf x "I told you not to eat that shit" Bf

🐢You bring a certain flavor to life that Mark had no clue he was missing out on

🐢 You do have a certain time when nonsense stops. Such as late at night, when Mark gets a random burst of energy but you're trying to sleep

"Babe do you ever think about the fact that there's a universe where I'm a girl and you're a man? Would it make it gay if I was still attracted to you in any universe? I mean I'd love you no matter what but-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

🐢Before you roll over and go back to sleep.

🐢Mark is the type of boyfriend to do anything for you. But he has a bad habit of using gifts instead of discussing feelings. You want to discuss him misplacing your bat again when you've told him multiple times that you can't get another one. Mark wants to give you a box of fancy chocolates from Switzerland and leave it at that

🐢Eventually he does get the hang of discussing feelings with you. He just can't help it, his dad very rarely said more about his feelings than 'I feel angry'/'I feel angry because I'm hungry'

🐢And with everything he's seen and done, he doesn't feel like he deserves to be vulnerable, sometimes he feels like the pain in his heart is a good motivator to save others

🐢You firmly disagree, always telling Mark that he's a good man. He helps from the kindness of his heart, not because of guilt. He deserves to be happy, you tell him that while kissing all over his face and nuzzling against his bruised skin.

🐢You have bad habits too. Getting trapped inside of your own head sometimes, rendering you unable to see when you're hurting the person you love. Mark has to sit you down sometimes and explain.

🐢You're very creative but sometimes you feel like you don't know yourself. So, you end up trying to explore yourself more, and sometimes it leads to you neglecting yourself and relationships

"I'm feeling hurt, it's like you don't want to spend any time with me. I understand you are trying to find yourself but there are better ways to go about it. I love you no matter what, I just need you to remember me while you're looking for you."

🐢You also don't like to hear when you're wrong, it shakes your sense of self just a bit

"That's not true! I just...okay. Maybe I have been a little bit out of sorts lately. I'm sorry baby."

🐢You two are still a loving couple regardless of the few flaws in the relationship

🐢You two like to pull pranks on each other, but it came to an end after Mark accidentally pelted his mom in the face with a shaving cream balloon

🐢Debbie loves you two, she loves seeing her son smile again but she doesn't love getting shaving cream in her mouth and hair after a hard day at work.

🐢You're both still in disagreement on whose fault that was.

"You know I can literally sense danger! It is not my fault, all I did was duck. Besides, why would you throw that with your mom standing so close to me?" You argued playfully while Mark massaged your foot.

"We were in more danger from my mom after that. Plus, how was I supposed to know you'd duck so quick?" He scoffed, dropping your foot. You playfully extended your foot to poke him while he evaded.

"No, you were in more danger from your mom. I took my black ass home."

🐢Mark worries about you in battle. Yes, you're strong, you can handle yourself. But he also doesn't love the idea of your greatest weapon being a baseball bat. He'd rather you had something that could do more damage. Like a gun. He'd feel a lot better about you fighting if you had a gun.

🐢Lowkey a skeptic, he knows you have strong aura and understands that you cover that bat in psychic energy that makes it stronger. But he still worries. He literally takes that thing from you sometimes out of teasing boredom.

🐢He also worries about your attachment to that thing. You even named it Theressa. He understands that an old friend gifted it to you. You'd told him about your friend Donnie before, but Mark one time caught you napping with the bat tucked in next to you. He understands it's important to you but his brain couldn't understand for a while. But Mark loves you, so what's important to you is important to him

🐢He's suggested better weapons to you before

"Mark, I'm not using a gun." You laughed, pushing the catalog away from you.

"Okay, but -and just hear me out on this one- you did use the gun. And you shot bad guys. You could even cover the bullets in your energy!" He suggested, pushing the magazine back to you.

"You want me to use a weapon I can literally get off Amazon? Oh no honey, I'm too cool for that. I'm original. Me and Teetee have been through too much." Then you shoved a pretzel in his mouth to cease his talking.

🐢He has his doubts about how strong that thing it until he took a hit from it one day.

🐢 He literally got knocked into your fight one day and crashed into the next victim of your mighty swing. Mark pushed the alien creature out of your way and the next thing he knew he was waking up in the hospital. The last thing he saw was a streak of green light as your bat cut through the sky like a knife, the look of terror in your eyes, and the splintered wood flying into his face.

🐢You explained what happened through sobs of relief and guilt once he came too.

"You got caught in one of my hits. I saw you at the last moment and turned the power down, it was too late to stop the swing. I'm sorry." You sobbed.

Mark patted your hair; you laid on the bed and hugged him. Your head rested on his chest while Mark's entire face throbbed. The bridge of his nose pulsed, and he was certain he felt a splinter stuck in his face. If that was a hit with the power turned down, Mark was literally never going to stress about you again. His face hurt for two days afterwards.

"You slumped over completely, I thought I killed you!" You wailed and Mark conjured a laugh from the depths of his stomach.

🐢From there, Mark never ever doubted you or Teetee again.

🐢You guys share music together. You put him onto H.E.R, Mark introduced you to Mac De Marco.

🐢You guys go to concerts together when you can, it's special for you two.

🐢Most people don't expect you two to be a couple. You're vibrant, always the center of the room, at any party you could be found dancing. Mark was quieter. Likely to be fast asleep at home, or really just minding his business.

🐢His quietness is deceptive; the man is a terror. He'll stick his tongue in your water bottle. He'll hide your car keys. He'll sit on you. He'll tickle you until you tap out. He'll pretend to be asleep when you're asking him to get you something

🐢But you ultimately couldn't have asked for a better man. Mark does anything to make you happy. He vibes with your creativity and follows you. You sometimes get frustrated and decide to do things on your own, but Mark is right there beside you.

🐢He always lets you know he loves and appreciates you.

"Do you know that I love you and would've gone crazy without you by now?" He asked, while you cradled his face between your hands. Your glasses shifted down before you pushed them back up on your face. You were bandaging him up one night, not too out of the ordinary.

A soft grin spread over your features, while you pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

"I know baby. I love you too."

🐢Mark loves your fearless nature, but he's not the type of guy to play around with shit you're scared off. Like if your deathly afraid of clowns or some shit, he's never going to jump out dressed as one. He takes your boundaries very serious, he'd never want to upset you

🐢If you of all people are scared then it's for a reason. He knows his girl, he's not going to push you into something that scares you

🐢At first, like when Mark first got powers you were both hella friendly, Mark was always willing to go help. After the whole thing with Titus though, he doesn't accept people who just come up to him for help

🐢Battle Beast knocked the mario coins out of you two, you can laugh about it now, but Mark still feels immense guilt when he sees the scar on your stomach from you getting slammed into a piece of rubble

🐢You always make him laugh during serious moments. Like when you both tried out for the Gaurdians and you were watching a battle. The two heroes fighting seemed to have some serious history, it was looking like they were gonna kill each other. Everyone was watching on edge. Then you said "damn!" at a particular hit and Mark had to stand there and try not to laugh

🐢You felt so guilty too, literally lowering your head/fighting laughter at the same time.

🐢Mark made fun of you on the flight home though.

"All of us standing there, but only my girlfriend has to make a comment."

"Man look, I didn't expect her to kick that other girl in the coochie. I don't know what you expected from me." You defended through laughter while he tightened his grip to keep you from falling

🐢You two don't fight often, but when you do it's bad. You don't want to be around him, you don't want to see him, you don't even want to think about him. You're angry and you need some space.

🐢Mark gets uncharacteristically desperate to the point that it just pisses you off more. He's terrified you're going to leave him. He begs you to talk to him, to just look at him, even just remember he's alive.

🐢You need space, Mark is petrified of that space, so he sometimes forgets to leave you be sometimes. He wants it fixed now. You can't focus on fixing things when you're in the mood to toss him out of a window.

🐢Then you feel like you have to baby sit him through his emotions and like he's trying to control you, which you do not like. Mark is just scared though; he would never try to control you. One of the things he loves about you is how you march to the beat of your own drum

🐢You two eventually figure it out. You tell him 'listen, I need a few minutes to myself then we can talk about it. I am mad at you right now, yes. But it doesn't mean things are over.'

🐢And he listens patiently. You two are stronger after you two figure out how to manage your emotions.

🐢Mark the type of boyfriend to eat your cooking if you burned it. Or he would try, then he would come clean to you.

"I love you, but I can't force myself to eat this. Let's try making something else, okay?"

🐢Then he's rolling up his sleeves and chopping up onions with you to make some simple pasta. Isn't he just so dreamy?

🐢Overall, you and Mark balance each other out. You love each other, understand each other and work together to fix things.

🐢He loves how you inspire him to live life to the fullest, and you sometimes need someone to bring you back down to Earth because sometimes you go running headfirst into danger. There's no one better suited for each other than you two.

[cherriies-snake]

But I like it!! ⋆˚꩜｡

PAIRING : Sam Monroe x Curly/Wayvy!reader

WORDS : 1.1 k.

WARNINGS : Reader insecure about her hair.

“Sunshine, do you believe in love at first curl? cause I’m hooked. Now, Sam truly believes that angels have curly hair."

Sam Monroe is your best friend, so it was no surprise that he was always at your house. Clearly, today wasn't the exception. You both had developed a strong bond since you had been friends since preschool.

Who would have thought that sharing half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the kid who forgot his lunch would be a great way to start a wonderful and unbreakable friendship?

Obviously, if you ask Sam, he wouldn't have any problem with breaking the friendship, you know, in that way.

You had just gotten out of the shower, so you were sitting at the vanity in your room, about to struggle to make your hair look decent for once in your life, without looking like one of those clowns that wear a giant rainbow wig.

All the products you always used to define your hair were scattered across the surface of the vanity, brushes, creams, mousse, gel, and even serum. All the products were open and kind of spilling from use since everything always ended up in a sticky mess, and you were too lazy to clean it up.

"Why do you have so much stuff for your hair? Looks like you're scared of going bald."

Sam asked with a smug smile from the comfort of your bed, which was something adorable to watch from your perspective because his black clothes made a huge contrast with your pastel colored sheets, not to mention your army of stuffed animals.

(Where there was also a cute Rilakkuma plushie that Sam had given you for your birthday.)

"You're also at a good age to avoid the receding hairline you might inherit."

You replied with the same sarcasm he always used with you, and you could see how his smug expression turned into a look of pure horror and panic as he dramatically ran his hands through his hair, looking for any possible bald spot.

"Don't ever mention that shit again, I don't want to have nightmares about bald patches on my head."

Hearing his comment, you couldn't help but laugh out loud. Oh, you would definitely remind him about it for the rest of his life.

"There are other alternatives, don't worry, you can always wear a wig, Sammy!"

He immediately rolled his eyes in response as he sat on the edge of your bed to watch better what you were doing.

"But seriously, what’s all that crap for? I never see you using all that."

He asked curiously from his new position.

He was right, you almost never defined your hair unless it was for an important occasion or something like that because you found your curls very annoying to manage.

This time was no different because Sam had told you that tomorrow both of you were going to take a walk on the beach and eat an ice cream, so you wanted your hair to look nice and not like you had just woken up.

Usually, you always styled your hair somehow without leaving it loose, that’s why you always ended up with a messy bun on your head and some loose strands, because you had the idea that when you wore your hair down, you looked like a walking bird’s nest.

"They're to define my curls."

You explained in simple words so he could understand, but you failed because Sam had a completely confused face.

"I mean, all these things help my hair look nice."

He simply nodded when he understood your point.

You started to divide your hair into small sections with clips, then you applied cream and gel and used the brush in a way that your curls formed naturally.

"Why do you almost never wear your hair down? Your messy buns don't look bad, but your loose curls are prettier."

Sam broke the silence with that comment, and he could feel how his ears and entire face turned red and heated instantly.

"Thanks Sam, that was something sweet to hear. The truth is, I don’t think I’ve fully accepted my hair yet, you know?"

Your relationship with your hair had always been complicated because you were coming out of a curl transition after years of chemical straightening in a desperate attempt to boost your self-esteem, but that just destroyed your hair.

However, now you were at an intermediate point about how you felt about your curls. It was more of a love-hate relationship.

It didn't help either that during those years, you had dated a boy that, under your spell of being in love, you thought was the one.

But Sam had never liked him for various reasons, but you always thought he was just being dramatic and jealous because you were spending less time with him.

But when your curls started showing again, that boy began to grow distant little by little and finally stopped talking to you, but not before saying a hurtful comment that stayed burned in your memory:

"You looked cleaner and prettier with straight hair, now it's like I'm dating a damn bird's nest."

When you told Sam what he said, it was like a pressure cooker exploded, his blood boiled completely. How could someone dare say such a thing to HIS GIRL? Okay, you weren't his yet, but you would be.

You literally had to stop him and beg him not to go and punch that guy.

"If you ask me, I like your hair the way it is. I mean, you basically look like an angel fallen from heaven."

Hearing his words, your cheeks instantly turned a deep crimson pink. Whenever Sam gave you a compliment, you could feel little butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You always tried to convince yourself it was because you weren't used to the compliments he gave you.

But deep down, you knew it was because feelings for him had bloomed inside your heart.

You just gave him a warm, submissive look because, as always, words seemed to get stuck in your throat.

You both stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, looking at each other. Words weren't necessary at that moment, your gazes were more than enough to speak for both.

You slightly lowered your gaze to his lips they looked fluffy like a freshly sponge cake and pink like melting cotton candy, so fucking kissable. You thought.

And as if Sam could read your desires, finally leaving his fears behind, he lunged at you, pulling you closer and pressing his lips to yours in a soft and warm kiss.

The kiss was full of passion, but without becoming sexual, it was simply your souls melting together in a kiss you both had been waiting for a long time.

After slowly pulling apart, gasping slightly for air, your foreheads rested together, and you both laughed warmly.

"I'm crazy about you, dumbass."

Sam finally said with a slightly nervous laugh.

"Me too, Sammy."

Who would have thought, after ignoring and bottling up the feelings you had developed for each other over the years, you finally confessed, starting a new stage together.

OMG, I FINALLY REACHED THE 1000 WORDS!!! CONGRATS TO ME 🥹🫶🏻

All of u are invited to a party 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I love Sam with all my fucking heart man <3

TAGLIST: @anakinstwinklebunny @bxbyysstuff @sinisterminist3r

[nabi-unveiled]

Catching Up: Love for Love's Sake (Ep 4)

Other Reacts: Ep 1 Ep 2 Ep 3

Yes, it's 3:15 in the morning. Yes, I have to work tomorrow. No, I can't even sleep in because I have to interview a potential intern at 9 am. Plus, the kids will be home with me too since it's a school holiday. I don't care. I'm starting episode 4 anyways.

And yay! We've went back to the fight. I was hoping we would find out more about what happened.

Is this a new way for them to do the subtitle for "debuff/curse". I guess that's fine so that people who don't understand gaming get it. It feels a little late in the game for that though. Still, I loved this screenshot, because you can see the transition that's a bit gamified. And the purple aura energy is showing up on Yeowoon's arm.

We didn't have any debuffs last episode so I guess the debuff really does relate to affection of Myungha and not Yeowoon's personal affection. Fine. I'll exit my clown car theory about the debuffs....for now. Outside of my clown car, it makes sense that the debuff would show up now since Myungha's affection level just plummeted.

Myungha absorbs the debuff. Yeowoon is left in shock. He definitely is feeling rejected/slighted at this point.

Myungha is dragging Sangwon through the halls. Sangwon says "I'm not a kid." I'd be careful Sangwon. That line of thinking means he can hit you. I know Myungha knows how to fight, but I do wonder more and more every episode about "why" he fought. I'm already developing a lot of head canons on that score. Maybe we'll find out eventually though.

He's not going to hit him (not that I thought he ACTUALLY would anyways), because we now have a ringing sound. I'm guessing the debuff is having an effect. He absorbed all the bad purple energy, and it was STRONG this time base on his -99. Was the -99 in red last episode? If not, it should've been. Sorry, random thought.

Myungha falls down the stairs.

I've given up on the episode names being strictly related to missions. The gamer in me though is going to retranslate this as "progress". That feels better in gamification terms. Especially if it's talking about progress in the mission quest. I obviously have no clue whether that is right. Wait. Unless they're talking about aspects of the game being "in development" like new code/levels being written or the story being redeveloped/changed. Hmm. That actually feels likely. We'll stick with development.

KYUNGHOON! You're back. I missed you so much. I'm guessing they're having to skip class to go to the competition. Apparently, Myungha has hurt his leg. Kyunghoon struggles to get over the wall. Based on how Myungha hopped the wall, I'm guessing it's the right leg that's hurt. But Myungha's leg obviously wasn't THAT badly hurt. It didn't look like he tried to favor one leg more in the landing. Guess that could depend on the type of injury though. My perspective is probably skewed. I've dislocated kneecaps more times than I wish to recount. I definitely wouldn't have made it over the wall shortly after one of those times. My personality is such though that I'd have doubled down and probably hurt myself more while trying. Lol.

Sangwon is waiting on the other side of the wall. I loved his "hi". Kyunghoon asks if he was waiting. Myungha says it's a "disease". It works, but I wonder if there is a different translation of that word. They've used it several times. It was also used in a very similar way during Secret Relationships ("being nosy is a disease").

Sangwon says he was just late to school. It's coincidence that they met up. I love that he's somewhat "talking back" to Myungha. But I also have a very sarcastic/roast style sense of humor. These types of exchanges always make my day. I wish I had more of that energy in my life.

Kyunghoon asks about the shoes, and Sangwon realizes that he had made a mistake. I didn't mention it last episode as the post was already getting really long. But my guess is that Sangwon was upset about the shoes, because he thought that his mom gave them to Yeowoon. His mom had just been to the school after all, and it appears like they have a complicated relationship. I'm guessing there's a lack of affection there too based on Sangwon's reactions to Myungha's signs of care. This is all conjecture on my part. The show isn't really SAYING any of this at the moment.

But now he knows the shoes weren't from his mom. It's okay Sangwon. I made several bad calls in the last episode too. Sangwon decides to follow.

And just like that, we have a gaming party embarking on a quest.

Our trio notices that Yeowoon is standing instead of taking his place on the blocks. Is he wearing the blue shoes? It looks like it. Myungha is still outside of the love supremacy zone, but he yells Yeowoon's name. I'm taking note that his number is 251 just in case it pops back up at some point. I loved the sound effect as the camera circled around and Yeowoon realized his name was being called.

Yeowoon is recalculating his affection, and the number starts moving up fast. Lol. This feels very much like love indeed. Highs and lows and emotional turbulence. Some might say that's the fickle nature of teenage affection. I'd say that doesn't ever really change. But maybe that's just the nature of my personal relationship talking. Maybe it'd help if we had affection scores above our head so we'd both know when we screwed up. On second thought, I don't think I'd want to know my score. That feels like a recipe for disaster.

Yeowoon takes his place at the blocks with magic sparkles coming off of his blue shoes. The affection level keeps rising.

If this wasn't a "game", the new shoes would be disastrous in a competition. But as I've thought about it, I actually like that this feels like an equipment upgrade in a game. Higher tier equipment immediately leads to better outcomes in a game assuming you have the skills to use it.

The music reminds me of late 90s/early 2000s movies. I kind of love it since we're panning across Sangwon and Kyunghoon's faces, and it feels like a friend montage moment out of one of those types of "high school" movies. Ah nostalgia.

Affection level is back at 0. The subtitles say Yeowoon is second, but I'm guessing he's actually third. They announced two other names before him.

Yep, he's third place based on the next part of the dialogue. Myungha says he did well. Yeowoon is crying, but Myungha definitely doesn't understand the reason. Yeowoon is trying to figure out why Myungha is nice to him.

Poor boy is definitely dealing with romantic feelings now. I'm loving the romance driven emotional angst of it all. This is my cup of tea.

The coach interrupts. Yeowoon is still emotional, but Myungha says he'll wait. They can eat together afterwards. Yes, please do. I'm always going to be down for a shared meal.

Yay! Our whole crew is EATING together! And Yeowoon is smiling.

Yeowoon tells Myungha to eat too and gives him food. OMG - our affection level has crossed the zero threshold. We're now at 5. And it keeps climbing as he keeps giving Myungha food. Lol. Kyunghoon tells Myungha to eat slowly and Sangwon's face is priceless! He seems absolutely disgusted by Yeowoon's actions. We end on an affection level of 17 for now.

Sangwon and Yeowoon are bickering. I love it. so. much. Frenemy relationships are the best. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops moving forward.

For those that like talks about linguistics, they said a bit about honorifics too. If I followed it correctly, Sangwon used more casual speech with Myungha and Yeowoon didn't like it. I could be mistaken though. Myungha really is the exasperated parent here. Lol. Cutie Kyunghoon helps Myungha out. He is worried that Yeowoon's feet might hurt since he ran with new shoes.

Yeowoon says he's fine, but he asks what happened to Myungha's leg.

🤣 This pout had me dying. For the game aspect, it really is like now that his "affection level" has went up, it's unlocked all kinds of new dialogue/expression options.

I wonder if Myungha realizes that his leg getting hurt was due to the purple energy. He's a smart cookie. I bet he's figured that out.

This whole scene just put me in a good mood.

Yeowoon offers to help "hold" Myungha. I'm betting there's a better translation of that. Kyunghoon used the term earlier too. I bet it has to do with letting Myungha lean on him or something like that rather than "hold" as I typically interpret. Myungha says he fine.

Yeowoon wants Myungha to rely on him too. This is a tricky situation. Yeowoon wants them to be EQUALS, but Myungha is definitely going to struggle with that. Myungha has taken on a caretaker role, and while those things aren't mutually exclusive, it can make things complex.

Yeowoon asks how Myungha knows his (shoe) size. Myungha says he let the fan (sis) pick it out, and that she wants to meet Yeowoon. Yeowoon doesn't seem happy about Myungha hanging out with her often, but he agrees to meet up with Si-a.

Yeowoon has essentially walked Myungha home. He tells him thank you which Myungha teases him about. But he says it again and leaves.

The entry light starts flickering and there are some jarring sounds. Ominous music plays, and Myungha's head is hurting.

OOOOOOH. It WAS development like "game in development". Exciting.

We're back at the bar from episode 1. Senior is asking Myungha questions.

I first noticed the three butterflies in the corner of the paper. It shouldn't be a surprise given my blog name that I'm likely to notice butterflies. They're a symbol of transformation and personal growth. Actually, they have different stages of development just like a game. A butterfly's development requires they insulate themselves from the world and focus on changing themselves before they can emerge in their final form. I don't know whether that has anything to do with this show or not though.

But these questions are interesting. Yes, I used my phone to translate. Though it kept giving slightly different translations depending on the angle I held it, I think I got the gist of it. One of the things says "like minded friends" which was what the quest said in episode 2. If I remember correctly, that was in Myungha's hand writing. So is senior having Myung-ha essentially write the game levels? I had said in an earlier episode that this was really a quest for Myungha's own happiness as well.

It WAS his writing. I love this shot. It feels like a magic dungeon with the candles and lighting. The shape of the glass is nice. I think it's a glencairn whiskey glass. Actually no. The base is wrong. It doesn't matter. The glass itself is probably not symbolic. I just find certain types of glassware pretty. As a fun side note, I used to drink everything (soda, milk, etc.) out of a red wine glass that I got while dumpster diving in college. I loved that beautiful glass. My roommate eventually broke it "on accident", but said it was "probably for the best" so that people didn't think I was drinking alcohol. Fun times 🙄.

It's late/early. I'm rambling. *Focus brain*

Senior is in white as the "heavenly" being with the power. Am I supposed to trust him? I don't. But it feels like he's God/angel coded.

"Will there be happiness to 29 year old Tae Myungha?"

"So the standard is very important." says Senior.

Myungha doesn't hear him clearly, and we can't hear his next line clearly either. He's muffled as if he's under water. It's the same sound as when he first entered the game world.

This feels important, and it feels mistranslated. Or at least like it was translated without the needed nuance. I need to pause anyways. I'm tired enough that I know I'll miss details if I keep going tonight.

(pause)

Ok. I've slept a few hours and hung out with the kids for a bit. I've mulled it over. I'm guessing that senior is really meaning that Myungha needs to be very careful about what goals/words he's using. Happy is a pretty vague term. I actually walked down the aisle to a song called "Different Kinds of Happy" from the movie Sweet Land. The idea/theme in that movie is that happiness can take different forms and mean different things to different people. In a game, if you don't have a clearly defined objective, then it's going to be difficult to meet it. So what does Myungha actually mean by "happy"?

But Myungha "can't hear" what senior is telling him. Myungha, and us by extension, are missing a critical piece of information. I'm guessing it has to do with the standard/clearer objective or that it's a warning of some kind.

We're back in the video game world. Myungha is looking at his notes.

AND OMG - YES! HOORAY! A time jump/alternate world that GETS how problematic it is for a 29 year old to be suddenly back in high school. The dialogue is clearly establishing that he IS 19 in this world. It's how I had resolved it mentally myself in episode 2. I love it when my head canons become actual canon.

Anyways, it's a good question. What CAN he do? Because "making someone happy" on a identity level scale really isn't easy. I would argue that it's not actually possible. That they have to strive for their own happiness as they accept themselves. It's not just circumstances that's driving Yeowoon's mental disdain for himself. New shoes are great, but they're not a long term solution. When you're dealing with suicidal ideation the other person has to "want" to live. A lot of times they don't even realize it until the moment. Yeah, it wasn't my grandfather's first attempt before he succeeded. My brother's neither. So far my brother has always decided he wanted to live and sought help in time.

I love that Myungha is being smart about this. He goes "What does he WANT me to do?" If you're playing a game, that's an important question. It's anticipating the game maker's design. I am noticing that the butterfly is on the journal paper here. But it's only one this time, and it's in the top right corner instead of the bottom corner.

Now THAT'S interesting. He doesn't remember "senior". There are a lot of fun implications in this development, but I'll have to stop for now. It looks like my husband has got off of work early today. It's a national holiday. I should've expected it. This will have to wait until after everyone is asleep tonight. I didn't get very far in this session, but it's fine. I really should've been working/writing anyways. I have five scripts due in the next two weeks.

(pause)

Well...the emoji tag game happened, and I got a wee bit carried away with it. I loved it so much. But then my brain was broke so it's taken a few days to get back here.

The fact that Myungha doesn't remember "senior" from his real life is a cool detail. I had said I thought it was in odd in episode 1 that he wasn't weirded out by the situation. It could mean that ONLY senior is obscured. Or it could mean that the facts of his "future" will slowly disappear as he creates a new story leaving him only with the 19 year old version of Myungha. There are a few other possibilities too, but I'll go with those two for now. I actually like the latter one in some ways. I don't remember if he recalled senior once he entered the video game during episode 1. That would provide evidence for which possible interpretations to keep moving forward. I might have to go back and check that out.

Regardless, we know this memory was jarring. The question is what triggered the memory.

We're down to 288 days left to complete our mission so a good bit of time has passed, and we're reminded that death is the penalty. We still don't know whose death we're talking about though.

We cut to Kyunghoon and Myungha walking down the hall together. Myungha is complaining that the teacher treats him like a thug. Kyunghoon proposes that they go to college together, drink together and have fun together in the future. I love the video game sound effects in the music/soundtrack.

OH! Random thought. I wonder if those sound effects show up at critical/specific moments. Is this like the rain drops in When It Rains or just a fun part of the soundtrack? Sound analysis is tricky for me, but it can add a lot to a show. And I LOVE it when sound is used symbolically. That would require an entire rewatch though as I'd have to focus just on the sound. I'll try to make note of it moving forward though to see if I can find a pattern. I can't promise I'll catch it every time though.

Hold up. We HAVE had a sound. The freaking water. I said before that it sounded like water when Myungha is shifting between worlds. That's definitely a specific sound at critical moments. Is that significant? Is it even water? Stop brain. You know your hearing can't be trusted. Move on.

Myungha is obviously uncomfortable here. Probably because he knows that he doesn't have that kind of time. He was just reminded of the countdown. It could also be because he didn't have that kind of life in the past. I don't know if he has those resources in the current videogame timeline either. Money isn't an obstacle for Kyunghoon. But it will be for Myungha and Yeowoon. But I figure it's that he feels like he's lying to Kyunghoon by agreeing to a future that may not exist. Yeowoon has already called him a liar after all.

Ah, the bullies are circling for blood. Frizzy blond guy asks Myungha if he's gay and is obviously intimidating Kyunghoon. Myungha says "I'm gay. So what." That's the confidence of someone who is very comfortable with themselves. I wonder if he was always that way, or if this is a manifestation of him already working through that part of his identity in the "real world".

Cutie Kyunghoon steps in between to protect Myungha 🙌🙌🙌. This is VERY important. Why? Because it's a dynamic shift. Myungha is collecting people in his life that care about him too and who will stand up for him even if it's risky. He's gathering "like minded friends" as well.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Myungha kisses the bully.

Should I be laughing? Probably not. This is a forced kiss. But AM I laughing? 100% yes. And all of the bully gang not knowing how to respond is epic.

Blond guy is rightfully angry, and Myungha just scolds him for swearing. What I love about this interaction is that it quickly and decidedly shifted who was the "victim" in this interaction.

Blond guy - Tak ...Joonho? It'll eventually stick with me. Anyways, he punches Myungha and we see Myungha deftly assert his dominance. He threatens to kiss him again.

This is the second interaction where Myungha has really shown this guy to be pretty pathetic. As he seems to be a leader in this "gang", he's probably not going to react to this well. He wouldn't be able to keep power over his bully gang if he ignored things like this. I'd expect backlash soon. He'll either take it out on his own members or start targeting people Myungha cares about (Yeowoon, Kyunghoon). Potentially both. If he comes after Myungha himself, it will be sneaky style. He can't (or shouldn't) risk another direct confrontation like this one. He's already lost twice.

Teacher intervenes. Apparently Myungha has got some type of cleaning duty punishment.

Yeowoon is on the other side of the window being cleaned. I'm trying to figure out if Yeowoon had heard about the fight or he just noticed Myungha's busted lip. Either way, his expressions here are KILLING me. They are so earnest and so different than what we had in previous episodes. The rise in affection level has definitely had an impact.

Myungha tries to brush it off, but Yeowoon won't let him. "Who hit you?" Myungha tells him he doesn't need to know.

Yeowoon gets very serious. Just like that earlier interaction with Kyunghoon, this is actually very important. Yeowoon is asking to be seen as an equal. As someone that Myungha can rely on. He's asking Myungha to trust him. Ooh interesting. Yeowoon dropped honorifics.

Yeowoon drags Myungha to the nurse's office. It's a reverse of care. Yeowoon taking care of Myungha. I mean, technically Yeowoon had intervened before. However, this is DIRECT care. Yeowoon asks if he's really not going to tell him. Myungha responds "What would you do if you knew?". Yeowoon - "I'll kill him". 🥹 Yes, I'm taking the threat as a squee worthy moment. There was no hesitation. Just a direct assertion of "you matter to me that much".

Myungha rubs his head.

I'm going to have to think about this one. Why is this man's physical affection so hard for me to interpret? This feels like a parent/child interaction to me. Which...is possible. Is he in guardian mode? Trying to calm Yeowoon down while acknowledging that he's grateful for Yeowoon caring about him? Or do other people see this as just a friendly interaction? Because things would not end well if my friend rubbed my head and used that tone with me. I'd see it as condescending for sure. But cultural differences could be in play here. I'm going with guardian mode.

Myungha says that rather than hit, it's more like we kissed. And Yeowoon's reaction is amazing.

Myungha is flustered by Yeowoon's reaction. Yeowoon has to be cycling through all kinds of feelings. One - this gives him hope. Two - Myungha was kissing someone besides him.

So many thoughts running through this boy's mind.

He says he should ask Tak Joonho. That means he DOES know who was involved, but he wanted Myungha to confide in him on his own. "Can men kiss too?" "I want to kiss him" while staring at Myungha's lips and putting on the ointment. Baby boy is down bad.

We cut to Sangwon coming towards the bully gang. There's the "hi" again. Love it. But it does feel like he's out of the loop. It feels more like he's invading their space. @dropthedemiurge I see what you meant now. He's not part of the hierarchy of this group. The uniforms vs. plain shirt is visually depicting that as well. That does make me have some questions about the earlier rooftop scene, but I'll hold them for now.

Did he come because he had heard about the fight? Or is this just part of his routine? He does seem to do whatever he wants. Case in point - he didn't come to class just because he didn't want to. Skipping seems to be a regular occurrence for him.

Tak Joonho says that he's going to teach Myungha/Kyunghoon a lesson. Sangwon is trying to put the pieces together. I do find it odd that Joonho is openly admitting that Myungha kissed him. I would've expected him to threaten the others and keep that quiet. Unless he's expecting Sangwon to commiserate with him and understand.

Not happening though. Sangwon is clearly on Myungha's side in this one. I figure he knows Tak Joonho enough to know he instigated whatever happened. The chuckling of the other students as Sangwon pushes back has got to raise Joonho's ire.

Tak Joonho thinks Sangwon is teasing him, but he's actually angry.

I'm rewording this line a little bit in my head to fit better with that sassy head tilt that just made me so happy. In some ways, it's a lot like Myungha earlier. "Yes. I am. What are you going to do about it?" It's a statement and a challenge.

Unlike Myungha, Sangwon does punch Joonho and IMMEDIATELY puts his hands back in his pockets. LMAO. That's a dominance signal right there. He knows Joonho isn't going to immediately punch back. He doesn't see him as a threat.

Joonho says he's holding back because he's rich. Sure you are. Keep telling yourself that. Kyunghoon seems to be pretty rich too, and you tease him just fine.

Note - I do realize that they've said that Sangwon can get away with everything due to his family. I'm sure it does play some role. But it's not everything. Sangwon is exuding dominance in this situation. He's even leaning in a mock little bow and saying "thank you" in a snarky tone. God, I love him and his self-confidence. He has grown on me so much, and I'm only halfway through this show.

Joonho asks if he can't see that he's outnumbered.

Sangwon (in other words): Bring it.

I'm sorry. I've tried to ignore that hideous wall color this entire show, but now we've added what has to be one of the ugliest arrangements known to mankind in front of it. I'm sure there are people who like that kind of thing, but it just makes me wonder why someone thought a feather duster was appealing. Normally I would be trying to figure out if the red meant something, but I just can't. It's an eyesore.

Is Si-a considered part of our gaming party now. I'm not sure. 🤔 They're collectively worrying about Sangwon though.

Si-a asks if Myungha wants to be a model for Swoony (the brand). The pay is better after all. Pay is always an enticing thing.

Myungha tells Si-a to buy him dinner. I'm confused. Why does he want Si-a to buy him dinner? 🤔 Myungha doesn't do things without a purpose. What's the catch?

LMAO. It's because Yeowoon is here. He's giving her the fangirl moment. Yes, she better buy the meal. A good one too.

Wait. Her name has an "h" sound? The subtitles now say "Shi-a". Did I miss that before? No. I'm pretty sure that's a change in subtitles.

Yeowoon looks ticked. My guess is that he thought he was going to get to eat with Myungha alone. He wouldn't be reacting like this if he had known it'd be a fangirl moment. Yeowoon is being very terse. Yes, he seems to be a more introverted, private person. But this is what you do when you're thrown for a loop. Myungha, you really need to give us introverts a heads up for these types of situations. Especially true if you gave us false expectations and now expect us to socialize with someone we are not comfortable around.

I'm still bitter over there being no food at the company meal that I drove two hours to yesterday. Don't promise me food and then give me a non-alcoholic beer instead. Shared meals are sacred. Oh...it's probably this kind of stuff that prompted the anon's "what's with you and food" question the other day. I get it now. Sorry anon. I didn't understand what you were asking.

I'm squirreling. None of that's really relevant. Yeowoon is just upset because he expected alone time with Myungha (pretty sure on that one), and he isn't getting it.

This conversation is awkward. Si-a signals Myungha to please help. Myungha asks Yeowoon if he has any questions. "Are you two close?" I've said all along that I love how direct Yeowoon is with Myungha. If he has questions, he is going to ask them. It's admirable, but lol. He's not looking at Si-a at all. Yeowoon is grilling Myungha.

Myungha responds playfully and tries to direct the conversation back to Si-a. I actually see that as a way of trying to include her in the conversation. He was trying to create a fan moment for her after all. Si-a says they're just colleagues which Yeowoon smiles about. But then Myungha protests that designation.

Yeowoon didn't like that at all. 🤣 "Are you closer to her than you are to me?" I love that Si-a can see this is important to Yeowoon. She's giving Myungha this look that's like "You idiot. Don't you dare make my blorbo upset!"

Myungha says "I only have Yeowoon in my heart" which makes Yeowoon beam. Si-a takes the opportunity to ask for an autograph. Si-a, I know I struggled with you in earlier episodes. I'm sorry. I can respect your non-toxic, supportive fangirl side.

"What do you think of when you run?" "I imagine there's a big crocodile chasing me." Well...that would be motivation I guess. I never imagined what was behind me when I ran. I was always focused on the finish line. Different things for different people I guess.

Ok Yeowoon. Let's not manifest that energy. There are too many trucks of doom in dramaland. And I've had two of my family members hit by vehicles. They survived, but they still have side effects. My brother got hit by a car while he was INSIDE a building.

Anyways, Yeowoon is saying that the vision has changed. He now imagines that someone is waiting for him at the finish line.

Sweet. I wish I knew what his personal affection was at this point though. We're seeing the impact of Myungha's affection level changing in his mannerisms and dialogue, but has it impacted how he sees himself?

Si-a says that's romantic, and Myungha breaks eye contact and visibly shifts. Lol. He felt that one.

We cut to them walking home. Yeowoon tries to ask Myungha about Joonho again, but Myungha says that Yeowoon isn't allowed to say kiss.

We got confirmation that Yeowoon thought it was going to be the two of them. Myungha chastises him a bit saying he needs friends. That's really not the point Myungha.

Yeowoon said that he's annoyed. Myungha says "he's been rude lately". Did he drop honorifics?

Yeowoon says "I want to go play with you". My kinky brain takes that line a completely different way that intended. But he's asking him out really. I LOVE this frame. There's a blinding light of love, but it's mostly over Yeowoon. Yeowoon knows he wants to kiss Myungha. He knows he wants to spend time with Myungha 1-1. Myungha still hasn't come to that realization yet.

It's an amusement park near the sea. Myungha seems hesitant, but he says yes. Wasn't Myungha's mom near the sea? I wonder if that's part of his hesitation. Yeah, there's definitely something there. This means something more to Myungha for some reason. But he's agreeing anyway.

Well hello. 👀 She's pretty. She was hidden initially in the frame, but they've now exposed her as she's asking Si-a for help. Who is she? Is this the person returned from abroad that Kyunghoon mentioned?

We're now in a dream sequence. 100%. "Do it with me too. The kiss."

Based on the game interface, this is Myungha's dream. Fun. Realization is coming. It's a bit of a kabedon moment with the tree. I'm enjoying it, because as confident as Myungha was when he kissed Joonho, he's not confident at all here. He's flustered.

Myungha wakes up.

Yeowoon has been sending him messages. Apparently he woke up early. If you get messages from me at 4 am, it means I haven't went to bed yet. Not unusual.

Myungha has a message from an unknown number. It's referencing children's day, mother's day, and teacher's day. Myungha isn't sure who it's from though. My immediate guess is his mom. But that doesn't make sense. He hasn't had contact with his mom since he was really little.

Is it the heavenly senior? We know information about the game comes to Myungha through his phone. "But no time for me to meet you." It's reminding me of the poem I wrote for my grandfather following his suicide. It wasn't about holidays/time, but about hiking trails. That was our thing. "But no trail that brings me to you." Crap. I'm crying again. This has been a week of tears in BL land. For the record, I cry very little in real life. But I bawl like a baby watching shows. It's cathartic in some ways. I can't analyze this properly. I'm going to read things into this that aren't there. I'm sure this will become a reoccurring event. I'll wait until the next message to figure it out.

Yeowoon came to pick Myungha up, and it looks like he paid for the bus fare for both of them. Cutie. Myungha may not realize it, but Yeowoon is definitely taking him on a date.

The mural next to the bus is of the sea. I could get a better angle this time. Phone keeps translating different based on angle, but it's better than last time. Something about sacred and beautiful love. Something about a lighthouse.

I love that Yeowoon quickly says "Look at the seagulls". There were birds on the mural too. Seagulls are a trip down memory lane for me. I got handed a bone during my oral qualification exams and asked what I could tell the professors about it. It was a seagull bone.

Seagulls have so many different symbolic meanings depending on culture. I know there are a few different takes in literature. There are also a lot of different meanings for them in Native American lore. Some positive, some negative. It depends on the tribe. A lot of it has to do with their ability to navigate in a storm and overcome obstacles if I remember correctly. There might have been something about the connection between physical and spiritual realms which would be interesting given the premise of this show. Like a bridge or messenger between the two. I don't know what they typically means in S. Korea though. I'll dive into that later.

Yeowoon says he should've brought shrimp chips. They're not my favorite, but my sous chef loves shrimp chips.

Oh. We're feeding them to the seagulls? I mean, they'll eat it. It's a fun experience for the human. It probably doesn't give them the nutrients they need.

Myungha asks if Yeowoon likes the sea. Yeowoon says he likes the mountains more. I love them both, but I live closer to the mountains. I've asked my kids this question before. One chose sea. One chose mountains. One chose "Wherever Uncle Zach is". Yeah, I'm not the only one who thinks my brother is awesome.

They're planning to climb mountains. Yeowoon wants to climb "Kongryung". Based on Myungha's reaction, that must be a hard climb. Based on Yeowoon's reaction, I'm guessing it's a long one. "I'm happy to be with you." Myungha doesn't seem sure how to process that.

Yeowoon asks if Myungha has been here before.

This feels like a lie. It's going to be interesting if lying becomes a thing for Myungha. Well-intentioned lies. But lies nonetheless. It might not be a lie though. That's just my gut talking.

They're planning on going to a clam kal-guksu place. I enjoy noodle soups, but I've never had clams in any capacity. They're not very common here. I have dissected one and done an experiment on heart rate for a class though. Not important.

Apparently, Yeowoon doesn't like seafood. And Myungha slips up. He's using information from the manuscript. Yeowoon is rightfully perplexed and then amused that Myungha knows this about him.

"Sometimes it feels like you're someone that knows me."

Yeah, that's probably going to hurt when he realizes Myungha has known about him all along.

All of Yeowoon's little smiles are killing me this episode.

Yeowoon says he now understands why Myungha likes the sea. Did Myungha say he liked the sea? I don't remember that. 🤔 It could be in an earlier episode, or I could have overlooked it. If he likes the sea though - is that why we have a water sound? Yes, I'm still stuck there. My brain is still obsessing over a sound that probably isn't even what I think it is. I curse my brain sometimes.

Yeowoon says "I've come to like it too". Cut away to them sitting on the stairs in their coordinating blue/green shirts.

There is so much I could say about that closing frame, but I know that I'm out of images. Anyways, we're halfway up the stairs. We're building the relationship. We're sitting side by side. We're equal...in this moment at least. There's no railings on this part. It'd be easy to fall off the sides.

The blue/green combo I find interesting, because it's a shift. These two characters have worn a lot of black & white. What does the shift mean? Is it part of their relationship developing or the changing levels of affection?

Is this show even color coded? I'll have to think about that. Because Sangwon also wears a white undershirt. He's definitely not a "heavenly human" type. Wait...is Myungha the ONLY one wearing a different color undershirt as part of their uniform? Is he the only one in black? I guess that makes senses. He's from a "different" world after all. But why black? Actually, Yeowoon's running outfit was in black too when he had the -100 value. So Myungha isn't the only one in black. Nevermind. I was overthinking again.

This was a fun episode. I'm loving that Yeowoon is so open and direct with his feelings. Myungha isn't there yet, but he's beginning to react. Now I just need to convince my brain that it's 4 am and it needs to just let the water sound go. IS IT WATER?!?

Don't tell me. Because if it is water, that means it's important. And if it's not water, I'll eventually realize it wasn't important.

For now, I'll just distract my brain with a more pressing question - what happened to Sangwon?

[poodlejoonas]

I didn't wanna say anything, just observe and try to process on my own, but fuck it we ball.

Joel leaving the band should be a wake-up call for some of y'all to come to terms with how you treat mental illness and neurodivergence. Yes, even if you're also depressed, or also anxious, or also diagnosed ADHD. Especially if you're one or more of those things. It's like you don't wanna believe that Joel's lifelong, every day mental and emotional state could actually cause serious physical health concerns - you only wanna see him as the "hehe quirky energetic boi." Which he can be that sometimes, but y'all let that view of him cloud your judgment and make you ignore real issues.

And when you only see the quirky side of his ADHD, some of y'all [emphasis on some] get a little too comfortable with bullying him about it. But you might say, "Oh, well I have the same thing too and it's #relatable so it's okay if we joke and bully him (affectionately)." That's still ableism, babes! Being a little depresso bean yourself doesn't mean you get to make fun of someone else's depression, it just give you permission to talk about your own. Having ADHD doesn't mean you get to be a bully about someone else's symptom expression, even if you think you're just being playful about it. Leaving it on your blog or on Discord is one thing. Posting it in a place where you know he'll see it is a totally different beast. We should all know better than to know you can't read tone through text. You can only do that once you know someone's typing style on an intimate level and can understand if they're joking, pissed off, or chill about it.

None of us know Joel on a daily basis, no matter how many IG stories he posts or how many times we rewatch their tour vlogs and watch him make silly noises or be moody. The other guys can (affectionately) joke around with him because they know him and they've lived in buses and the studio with him for 12+ years. WE. CAN'T. He's always caught the most shit from fans for captioning pictures with future song lyrics that read a little depressingly (like what the other guys did), posting about his sad feelings or low self-esteem, and even sharing his playful moments. He's been a lot of fans' personal voodoo doll for projecting feelings and fanfiction headcanons because his ADHD and other issues are treated like a headcanon.

(And before you say anything - yes, I'm aware I'm not entirely innocent of this either. I've written it into the dad!AU to be as honest to reality as I can be. But I've never tried to force any of my fanfic ideals onto others. I've never forced my fics into anyone's faces if they didn't want to read them. And I for damn sure haven't been the judge, jury, and executioner for how fics with Joel could be written. Because he's a person, not a doll to play with.)

Finally - for the love of GOD - recognize the difference between Blind Channel's songs about mental illness and suicide and the reality behind them. In the songs, they're aesthetics. That's what musical symbolism is about. They exist in their aesthetics so that we can also feel things and process our own shit on our own time. Anytime I get "Die Another Day" on my shuffle, I stop what I'm doing to cry about it then move on with my day. Every one of their sad songs has an even sadder backstory. "Bad Idea" exists because Niko was literally talked off a ledge. "Feel Nothing" tells the story of being so done with life that your whole body goes numb. "Don't Fix Me" is about coming to terms with having a fucked up life and mental state. "Scream" is dedicated to one of Joel's dearest idols, whose life story and death (I'm 95% certain) was part of his fears of continuing in the band with his mental state.

Remember that Joel was literally the guy whose answer to the question, "Where do you see yourselves in ten years?" was "In a grave." IN A GRAVE. And he has the self-preservation now to acknowledge that he may end up there in his stated timeline if he continues doing something that will get him there. Maybe, just maybe, there's a little twinkle of hope that he can grow old and find real happiness and peace in his life. This is someone who probably never thought he'd live to see 30. And he finally has the chance to chase peace on his own terms. We should be grateful for that, but the Anger part of the "Fandom Five Stages of Grief" would rather have us all turn against the five remaining members of the band we all claim to love so much.

Cope how you want, I'm not a fucking cop. But when you're ready for this conversation, return and do some serious thinking about it. There will be future depressing songs not written by Joel. Then who will you project onto?

[beifong-brainrot]

I've seen the "Suyin reminds me of someone I know Irl" thing cited as a reson for disliking Su multiple times. I think this will be like the third? At least. And I get it, our experineces and biases colour how we engage with media, that's understandable and unavoidable. Happens to me too. I do try to seperate myself from my own previous experiences, unless I'm actively incorporating them into a post, but they definetly slip through. But I do think sometimes its important to look purely at the text.

I notice that people use extremely emotionally loaded language when talking about Suyin and Lin's altercation. "Suyin assaulted Lin" is shaky at best, as OP has stated, it was an accident. Especially when, if we're getting nitpicky, Lin was the one who escalated the situation twice. First by yelling at Su, and then bringing the altercation to the physical level. I also want to remind everyone, that this is a 22 year old cop, airing out personal beef with a 16 year old in the middle of an arrest, an already heavily tense situation.

Another one I commonly hear is "Suyin sliced Lin's face open" like Su somehow jumped onto Lin and pinned her down and carved her face with a scalpel or some way. The way some of yall talk about Lin's scar in general, actually, as a person with a scar from a family member, is just.... ew. Weirdly dehumaising. Idk how to describe it. It also happens with Zuko.

Su and Toph also didn't isolate Lin, it is clearly stated that they reached out to her, asking to reconnect and Su welcomed her to her city with open arms.

Suyin : Lin, Mom and I already talked about this years ago and worked things out. If you had gotten together with us like we'd asked, you would know that I'm a different person now. I've been a different person for a long time.

Hell, it's not out of the question Su would be more apologetic and distressed about the situation than she was years after she had worked through it, but that's speculation.

Lin is isolated, yes, but it is mostly self influcted, sadly. I, and this might shock some of you, like Lin as a character. I think she's a very soft and sensitive person deep under it all, and, of course, she's hurting. But she also uses her job as a shield, actively pushes people away, holds grudges to a ridiculous degree and escalates conflicts like no one can.

Lin seemed to have actively isolated herself from her family, even when they were actively trying to reconnect. Like, say what you want, but Suyin was fucken desperate to intergrate Lin to her family, introducing her by name to Huan and Opal (as the twins and BJ were occupied), to which Lin responds with mockery and calling Suyin's love for her children into question.

I also just think a lot of people tend to percieve this weird, hidden, manipulative depth to Su. And while yes, she certainly can be sneaky at times, I think some of yall are taking it to an absurd degree.

Suyin making Lin "look unreasonable" is just a product of Su having moved on and Lin not. And that naturally upsets Lin. I think, subconsciously, she was expecting Suyin to not have changed at all. Seeing that Su changed, grew as a person and is living a happy life feels like a betrayal to Lin. And to the audience too. I suppose does feel like Su is being "rewarded" for doing something bad. But we also have to remember that Su struggled to find her place in the world, and happiness for years, travelling, until she decided to build a home. And not just a home, a city, a city of innovation and growth. Like, yes her monetary status allowed her to achieve this, but i still don't think this was easy.

Suyin: It's complicated. We didn't have a normal childhood. Neither of us knew our fathers and Toph was always busy being Chief of Police. Because mom grew up in such a strict household, she gave us all the freedom in the world, hoping we'd figure out our own paths. Korra : That sounds like a good thing. Suyin : And in a way it was. But we both ended up fighting for mom's attention. Lin followed in her footsteps and became a cop. I was ... more of a rebel. Mom wasn't too happy with how either of us turned out. When I was sixteen, I left home to explore the world. [Pan to show Suyin's various collections and photographs.] I sailed the seas on a pirate ship, joined a traveling circus for a while, and lived in a sandbender commune in a desert. It took me a while, but, I finally realized what I was looking for was a family. So I bought this plot of land, found a brilliant architect who later became my husband, and created a place I could truly call home.

And once again, I don't want to say Suyin is perfect. She's not. She's a deeply flawed character and she's hurt people. So has Lin. And so has, dare I say, anyone who has aged past being an infant.

But she also tries to be good, and she cares and she suffers. She's greets the world with an open heart, connecting with others, even if she's been betrayed. She cares deeply for her family, and is terrified of something happening to them, yet still tentatively supports Opal in leaving to become an airbender and is proud of her for it.

I honestly think that her realism is what makes people dislike her. We have a different lense for her.

We take Lin's verbal abuse and outbursts of violence in stride, because that's just her character to us. So when she actualy has her moments of peeling back that brusque mask, that is what sticks out to us about her character.

While for Suyin, every action counts and is placed under scrutiny. Hell, we might even start using people from our real life to make her more easily digestible.

Of course, there's always a weird undertone of misogyny in a lot of Suyin hate. The constant pitting of two women against each other, the double standard compared to characters like Iroh from atla.... etc. Fun.

It feels like everytime we end up back here lol.

People always say they want complex characters. They ask for nuance, for gray areas, for emotional depth and realistic growth. But when a character starts feeling too real, so much so that they stop acting like someone in a story and start feeling like someone you could actually meet – that's when the discomfort kicks in. That's when admiration often turns into criticism. And very few in The Legend of Korra walks that tightrope quite like Suyin Beifong.

Su doesn’t follow the typical “lesson of the week” formula. She doesn’t get handed a tidy moment of reckoning, followed by an instant transformation. Her arc isn’t flashy or obvious. It’s slow, subtle, and sometimes contradictory. Just like real people. Because the truth is, most of us don’t change overnight. We grow a little here, slip back there. We learn something, but that doesn’t mean we always apply it in every situation. That’s Suyin in a nutshell.

Look at how she changes as a mother. At first, she tries to micromanage Opal’s choices out of fear, mostly, and a need to protect her. But eventually, she lets Opal go and lets her live her life without trying to control her path. That’s a win. That’s real growth. But then Baatar Jr. betrays the family, and Su reacts by putting him under house arrest. It’s easy to point at that and call it hypocrisy, but that misses the bigger picture. Her deepest fears for her kids came true with Baatar, and so, of course, she tries to regain some kind of control in the aftermath. And yet, she doesn’t try to rope Opal back in. She lets her stay free. That shows her earlier growth wasn’t erased, just complicated by pain.

This is the part people tend to ignore. They rush to call her a hypocrite without stopping to think about what hypocrisy really is. People are full of contradictions. We want conflicting things. We act on emotion. We stumble. We grow unevenly. No one is morally consistent all the time. Su isn’t some moral failure she’s just human. And that’s what unsettles people. They want characters who get what’s coming to them or learn the “right” lesson. But Su doesn’t fit into that framework. She just keeps going, flaws and all.

That’s also what makes her so compelling. She’s not a straightforward hero or a satisfying villain. She’s a complicated woman trying to balance power, family, control, and identity in ways that are messy and real. When people critique her, it’s often not because she doesn’t make sense, but because she makes too much sense.

She’s too familiar. Too human.

Everyone says they want nuanced characters... until they’re faced with someone like Suyin. Someone who holds up a mirror. And when that reflection hits a little too close to home, people tend to look away. But it’s in that raw honesty where her character really shines.

[prapaiwife]

Not people are already complaining that they are mourning way. Now I think how anyone stands on way is valid that's your opinion. In the show the team themselves individually as well I do think all of them have a different stance on their feelings about way. Especially cause one thing i think they all can agree on is that they all have made good memories with way and miss their friend the one they've grown to love throughout the years. More onto Babe as he literally grew up with him and was the closest with him and they did have many memorable memories. I think him being conflicted about his feelings is exactly what I would expect. Cause what he did and he has done to everyone that cared for him especially babe will stay with him for a long time and has significantly traumatized him hence the nightmares.

But that's the part about grieving and just mourning someone who you had thought you had such a good relationship with. But then that person totally ruined that and everything went downhill and that person did so much unforgivable things that you can't even fathom to begin how this person was even important in your life at all. I think it's okay for them to mourn him I think they all have not forgotten any of the things that he has done because it has significantly changed everything in their dynamic as a team. But to me them mourning him isn't them saying to me they forgave everything he did. If anything they miss who we was not who he had become and the way he chose to live his life.

If anything I feel like for jeff and more so Charlie since they were not at all close to way in any aspect. And had the most issues or seen as the bad person in way's eyes when he was here in season 1. I can see them having more of a complicated way of dealing with his death after the fact. Like Charlie is there to support babe cuz he knows how much way actually meant to him at some point in his life. Before he even came in the picture at all cause all babe did have was way. Even more so for Jeff and Alan cause alan being the father figure brother figure to them cause he literally raised everyone in the team and he saw them all grow up. So his attachment is understandable to have witnessed and seen his family break apart. So if anything I think it would be the same for jeff he's there to support alan. While I think jeff might feel indifferent in a towards way maybe even uncomfortable cause he wasn't close to him not that he even got the chance too obviously. Cause their short time together was nothing positive. So I think we will see how everyone will be taking his death differently. I just don't think it's the show trying to write it off as we were trying to forgive him but that's my two cents on that.

[deardiarywrites]

dealing with the blues : how to manage negative emotions and more ૮꒰◞ ˕ ◟ ྀི꒱ა rotting vs resting

i know how upsetting life can be sometimes. you want to get better but something happens and life just keeps pushing you down, and you fall further and further into a rut. and because of that, you start to feel even worse. "why am i not doing as good as the others?" , "why am i so xyz?" , "why am i not like her?" etc etc. cmon my love. this isn't the time to compare yourself to others and feel even worse but to slowly dig up the soil, and find out what is actually going on. ♡ just take a day off, babe seriously. sometimes you just need to let yourself be upset and be unproductive yk? there is nooo shame in being unproductive as hell for a day or two. take your time and have a good break. now talking about breaks, we have a problem. are you really resting or rotting? RESTING makes you feel good, happy and energised ROTTING makes you feel guilty, unproductive, sluggish a lot of the times, instead of resting and recharging our minds, we are feeding our minds with lots and lots of brainrot, indulging in bad habits in the name of "resting", avoiding important work etc which in return make us feel even worse! well, resting isn't supposed to do that, right? resting is supposed to recharge you, get you ready to fight again. so next time you choose to 'rest', be mindful. do not indulge in things that you know will make you feel worse. doomscrolling is not resting. stalking your friends is not self care. intentionally avoiding important work is not self care. binge watching series by wrecking your sleep schedule and then feel guilty abt being on your phone all day is not self care. self care and resting is doing things you love which will nourish your mind and distract you for a little while, so that you can take a step back and just be aive for a bit.

an example of a day off could be smth like this ( just an example, please remember that everyone's life is different and so is yours. adjust accordingly ) : ʚɞ do not set any alarm, let yourself wake up naturally and when you do, pick up that book you have been meaning to read for a long time. ʚɞ have breakfast ʚɞ do 1 thing you really love and which makes you super happy (dancing, singing, acting etc) ʚɞ talk to someone or write abt how you are feeling ʚɞ try to create smth. a quick diy project, a lil sketch, crochet, a new dance move, a song cover, a poem, a video, photography etc ʚɞ do 1 imp work which you have been putting off (homework, stdy for a test etc) ʚɞ delete instagram for a bit and surround yourself with positivity. use tumblr, youtube, pinterest instead. ʚɞ go outside, even for just 5 minutes. ʚɞ maybe call up your friend/s and play smth ʚɞ take cute pics of urself ʚɞ maybe post smth cute on tumblr wink wink ʚɞ have a cute night ritual and then go to bed. ₊⊹ monitor what you have been consuming lately what you feed your mind and body actually matters (lol what a shocker). so tell me, have you been eating well? sleeping well? surrounding yourself with positivity? or have you been consuming content which further degrades your mental and physical health? try to replace unhealthy junk with healthy stuff. fix your fyp, choose "not interested" for posts which no longer resonate with you. declutter and reorganise. i really, really suggest trying a quick digital detox for a day. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ talk to someone who you feel safe with. you can even text me, ill try my best to respond <3 please talk to someone when you feel upset, communicate bbgs, communicate! even if it is hard and uncomfortable. if you feel like you have no one to talk to, talk to a stuffed animal or a tree or yourself. let those thoughts and feelings out, don't hold them inside your body. release them. observe them. try to understand them. but never let negative emotions become a part of you. they come and go, like any other emotion. you will be just fine. even when it feels like it is the end of the world love you always,

@deardiarywrites

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

i feel like tan is a man i would hate in real life. but you write him so well?? like sorry for going on a little rant here, i do like atj and i also like tan but i have these little nitpicks about some things he does or says in the movie that just frustrates me yk? like the scene where he tosses the cig on the floor (yes, i will admit that scene is hot but that one bit ughh), or how much he swears, or how he acts with his brother and i'm thinking what if he's like that with his partner? what if he acts nonchalant and you can't tell what he's thinking? what if he jokingly calls you a twat but you're having a bad day and you start overthinking it? and so sometimes i'm thinking that i don't like him as much as i once did but you come up with a new fic where he takes care of things for us, his eyes softens as he gently grabs our cheek and kisses our forehead? and suddently i'm calling him husband material again! or similarly, i'd be like, hey remember when little-miss-dilf-lover posted that one fic on jun 29 2024 where tan literally pulled some strings so that he could marry us? i remember

i'm sorry for this rant, i know it's silly to even think so much about a fictional man and i'm aware i'm kinda contradicting myself here but i know this blog is a safe place. do you ever feel like this about those you write about?

you know what, I so get that bc I don’t really think I would be able to get on with him if he was a real person. he’s too blasé and standoffish and I can’t lead conversations to save my life so I would be fucked😭😭

totally understandable bc yes it’s very very hot, but like it’s littering???? and that’s very very ugly

yep with the swearing thing I do very much get that, but must say bc im also english it doesn’t feel too erugh to me (I do have to add I come from a non swearing household, so my mum would hate it LMAOO)

I often chat with my friend here about tan and we talk about this sort of thing when sharing ideas etc. so I shall regurgitate some back to you🫶 tan is a very interesting and complex character and we don’t see/ learn much of him, but based off how he acts and behaves we learn sooo much abiut him and his character. like that man loves DEEPLY. he protects, he serves and he respects but like he’s also really cold and can be distant and verbally hateful, but honestly I think those traits are more of a cover/ facade. he’s so complicated, I love him

but real talk, I think that man is a once in the lifetime love kinda man. so I don’t think he would be with someone if he didn’t really truly love them and see it as a serious relationship. sooo if the things he usually says don’t get the response from you they usually do, he would do something to rectify that, and wouldn’t want you getting upset by jokingly being called a dick or a nob just bc you’re having an off day

AHHHHHHHHH NO STOP THATS SO CUTE OF YOU!!!💗💗💗💗💗

never be sorry!! I love analysing things, and especially tan bc he’s so much fun! and yep, you’re so totally safe here with your thoughts 😽

and yup I feel like that all the time, or worry that I have somehow personified the character differently and got it wrong and I’ll embarrass myself publicly for it😭😭

apologies this is very long😭

[astriiformes]

@whiteheart7 replied to your post:

would you happen to know any good sources on the history/origins of halloween? (i cant for the life of me discern whats a decent source and whats influenced by neopagan stuff)

So caveat that this is super not my field, nor is it something I've researched much on my own. But my biggest piece of advice would be to look at what actual Celticists have to say on the subject, especially scholars from Ireland and Scotland. There are exceptions, but Celtic Studies as a field generally has to balance the ideas of tradition and syncretism, and those are the people I would trust the most on the matter, tbh.

Honestly, some of the best and least sensationalized thoughts I've read on the whole subject have been through Gaelic language organizations doing cultural education alongside language teaching. That, and talking to folks in those circles. When I was really digging into learning Irish and Scottish Gaelic, I was impressed with how a lot of folks balanced the idea of Celtic culture and language preservation alongside acknowledging the hundreds of years of syncretism with Christianity that you have to acknowledge if you want to talk about Irish/Scottish/Manx/etc culture.

Also just.... accept that it's a subject we can't necessarily make completely confident claims about. Sometimes with history that's how it is, and a lot of bad takes on the subject involve someone claiming they know or understand the real, 100% true origin of a custom or tradition that we just don't and probably can't know that much about. Like, for example, in the presentation today the person who was talking about Halloween gave one etymology for "Samhain" that a tiny bit of searching revealed to me is contested and probably not the most likely one. But even just learning that there multiple possible etymologies acknowledges way more nuance!

Save me from extremely ahistorical neopagan-flavored takes in my classmates' presentations in my witchcraft class.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[mercymaker]

also, sorry for going quiet in some chats and servers, lately i've just been so incredibly overwhelmed that i'm struggling to keep up with absolutely everything

[jaggedteeth]

hey google how do i google 'how to stop feeling violently ashamed of my body post-weight gain' without being fed a bunch of fatphobic ableist bullshit