#no one except sidious did

[marmot-bee-person]

i have decided that Padmé just passed out and Obi-Wan, Bail, and Yoda were dumb. Padmé went into hiding and she was living a content-ish life somewhere or other.

[david-talks-sw]

Dooku didn't leave because of the Jedi.

At least, if you're going by George Lucas' word.

In deleted scenes of Attack of the Clones, when we learn about Dooku's departure and his values, there's no mention of the Jedi or "the Jedi Order as an institution".

And every time Lucas refers to Dooku's disenchantment and reason for falling, he doesn't mention the Jedi.

"When you realize that Dooku is Darth Tyranus, it explains what Darth Sidious did after Darth Maul was killed: he seduced a Jedi who had become disenchanted with the Republic. He preyed on that disenchantment and converted him to the dark side, which is also a setup for what happens with Anakin." - Mythmaking: Behind the Scenes of Attack of the Clones, 2002

"[Dooku is] one of the few Jedi who became disenchanted with the Republic and left the order and he is leading a separatist movement." - Vanity Fair, 2002

"I wanted a more sophisticated kind of villain. Dooku’s disenchantment with the corruption in the Empire is actually valid. It’s all valid.  So, Chris plays it as, 'Is he really a villain or is he just someone who is disenchanted and trying to make things right?'" - Starlog Magazine #300, 2002

He probably meant the Republic/Senate in that last one, but you get the point. And you're seeing the pattern, right?

Dooku's problem isn't the Jedi, it's the Republic.

He's become disenchanted with a system that - according to Lucas' prologue in the 2004 book Shatterpoint - worked for 1,000 years...

"For a thousand years, the Old Republic prospered and grew under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the venerable Jedi Knights."

... but has been rendered ineffective because of 1) senators becoming corrupt and 2) corporations gaining political power.

"But as often happens when wealth and power grow beyond all reasonable proportion, an evil fueled by greed arose. The massive organs of commerce mushroomed in power, the Senate became corrupt, and an ambitious named Palpatine was voted Supreme Chancellor."

That's the message Dooku runs on, when he rallies the systems to form the Separatist Alliance.

"By promising an alternative to the corruption and greed that was rotting the Republic from within, Dooku was able to persuade thousands of star systems to secede from the Republic."

The Jedi aren't really a factor in his decision to leave.

Why would they be? Their political status isn't very high, they're virtually powerless, as illustrated by the film's narrative and stated repeatedly by Lucas.

On the contrary, as we already established in this post, Lucas full-on confirmed that Dooku actually carries the sympathies of most of the Jedi. Again:

Most Jedi agree with Dooku, ideologically.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, the politicians are effing up the Republic, and it sucks because the Jedi see this but aren't allowed to interfere in the political process. They have to resort to looking for loopholes in their mandates to actually get stuff done.

That's what that whole "she's a politician" scene is meant to hint at. In the commentary of Attack of the Clones, Lucas uses a similar turn of phrase as he does with Dooku.

"[This scene gives us] a chance to talk a little bit about politics and the Jedi’s disenchantment with the political process, due to the corruption and the ineffectiveness of the Senate." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

Considering all this, it becomes clear that the intended narrative surrounding Dooku's decision to leave the Order is not:

"The Jedi are dogmatic and asleep at the wheel except for Dooku, who is ahead of the curb and sees the system is flawed, so he left."

It's actually:

"ALL Jedi see the system is flawed, Dooku's the only Jedi who decided to take it a step further and leave the Order so he can try to get into politics himself and change things."

That's why they hesitate to accuse him of murder.

That's why in an earlier draft of the Attack of the Clones script, by the end of the second act, Mace STILL has his doubts that Dooku would sign a treaty with the Trade Federation to attack the Republic.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, Dooku is out there fighting the good fight, making noise because whenever they try to protest it falls on deaf ears... until his betrayal on Geonosis.

After all, let's not get it twisted: the Dooku we're introduced to in the films and The Clone Wars, isn't really just Dooku anymore.

He's Darth Tyranus.

A point Lucas makes sure to highlight in his Shatterpoint prologue:

"Unbeknownst to most of his followers, Dooku was himself a Dark Lord of the Sith, acting in collusion with his master, Darth Sidious, who, over the years, had struck an unholy alliance with the greater forces of commerce and their private droid armies."

It's not about doing the selfless thing for Dooku, anymore. He's knowingly part of the problem.

He's all about ambition, now. His personal goals are things like overthrowing Sidious and becoming the most powerful Jedi.

"[Anakin's] ambition and his dialogue here is the same as Dooku’s. He says “I will become more powerful than every Jedi.” And you’ll hear later on Dooku will say “I have become more powerful than any Jedi.” [...] It is possible for a Jedi to want to become more powerful, and control things." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

"If you put two Sith together, they try to get others to join them to get rid of the other Sith. [When revealing the truth to Obi-Wan], Dooku's ambition is really to get rid of Darth Sidious. He's trying to get Obi-Wan's assistance in that and help in that, so that he and Obi-Wan could overthrow Sidious and take over." - Attack of the Clones, Commentary Track 2, 2002

Y'know? Selfish things.

Dooku - like all other Sith, and like the very corporations and Senators he had sworn to destroy - is consumed by his own greed.

[saphronethaleph]

Double Dialing

Anakin looked around, cautiously.

“Was that the last of them?” he asked.

“Last ones we know about,” one of the liaison wookiees reported. Chewbacca, Anakin thought his name was – the son of Attichitcuk.

“All right, good enough for me,” Anakin decided, deactivating his lightsaber. “Skywalker to Five-oh-first command, report in?”

“Their attack has stalled, sir,” Appo reported in. “We’re preparing a counteroffensive move, but it’s not urgent – I’d appreciate your input if you can give it, sir.”

“I’ll head back to the command post,” Anakin replied, rolling his shoulder a little.

He had a pleasant burn in his muscles, and he’d done some really cool things so far today. Sure, he wasn’t a Master, and that was still a bit annoying, but it was a lot harder for it to feel annoying when he was helping out to save an entire planet!

Again.

And saving a planet full of wookiees was particularly good at making you feel like you were completely kickass and amazing. If they needed help, and you could give them that help, it was well worth it. Especially as a sign that the Council was willing to let him pick his assignments.

Then his comlink crackled again.

“...guiding light to big handful,” Obi-Wan’s voice said. “Guiding Light to Big Handful, over?”

“Master, it’s me,” Anakin replied.

“You’re supposed to say, Big Handful copies,” Obi-Wan pointed out, reproachfully. “Really, Anakin.”

“Sorry,” Anakin said. “You know it’s me, though. And I still think whoever picked that codename was being cruel. I wouldn’t have picked it for me.”

“Nobody picks their own codenames,” Obi-Wan replied. “It’s like nicknames. Anyway, Anakin – I’ve got some good news.”

“Oh, that’s… good?” Anakin replied. “Hang on, I think I remember, weren’t you on Utapau?”

“Yes, but that was a while ago,” Obi-Wan told him. “You must have missed the last update for the Council.”

Anakin felt a bit guilty about that, except that he had been in the middle of a lot of fights on Kashyyyk over the last few days. So he’d probably just ignored his comlink when it was ringing, because he’d been trying to cut a tank droid in half or fend off STAPs or make sure his crashing hoverspeeder crashed into the enemy without anyone on board. Instead of crashing into their own command centre while there were still two liaison wookiees on board.

It really had been an eventful few days.

“I probably did, Master,” he admitted. “So what’s been happening on Utapau?”

“I beat Grievous,” Obi-Wan said, just tossing it off there. “He was quite good, but not quite good enough. But before our battle I overheard him telling the Confederacy council to run away, heading to Mustafar.”

“Mustafar…” Anakin repeated, thinking. “That’s not all that far from here. I could probably head over-”

“Alas, you’re too late,” Obi-Wan replied. “The Open Circle fleet chased them to Mustafar. That’s actually what I’ve been doing, I led the assault on the mining facility they were holed up in twenty minutes ago. The whole CIS leadership has been captured.”

“Great!” Anakin said. “Does that mean we can bring an end to the war?”

“Not just yet, Anakin,” Obi-Wan apologized. “I’ve been interrogating the Trade Federation leadership, and Nute Gunray is quite clear that he’s been working for Darth Sidious for the last thirteen years at least – since before we met. Which is why I called you.”

Anakin was silent for a long moment.

“...I don’t get it,” he admitted.

“I captured their computers, Anakin,” Obi-Wan explained. “Including current comcodes to contact Darth Sidious. I’m hoping to get R2’s help in tracing them.”

“Yeah, he could do that,” Anakin replied. “Though…”

“Though what?” Obi-Wan asked.

“I’m just thinking about something the Chancellor said, once,” Anakin explained. “He said that, if Darth Sidious walked through the door he’d try and negotiate with him.”

He shrugged, not that Obi-Wan could see him. “Just a thought.”

“That might actually work,” Obi-Wan said.

Anakin stared at his comlink, not that Obi-Wan could see that earlier.

“It might?” he asked.

“Well, it’s a plan you came up with, Anakin, and I’ve had plenty of experience in how well those go,” Obi-Wan replied. “Which is to say… distressingly well.”

“Thanks,” Anakin said.

“It’s better than the alternative,” Obi-Wan replied. “Unfortunately, the codes seem to be secured to this computer. We can’t just send them to you or to the Chancellor.”

“That’s okay,” Anakin decided. “I’ll get back to the command centre and hook up R2-D2…”

“Chancellor, you must appreciate your position,” Mon Mothma said, reasonably. “Your arguments that we are still in a crisis situation are becoming increasingly threadbare; this is not, necessarily, a problem that is impossible to solve, but it is a problem that needs solving.”

“I hardly see how it would qualify as a problem, Senator,” the Chancellor replied.

“The war is coming to a conclusion, Chancellor,” Bail pointed out. “It is going to be time to transition back to normal governance at some point soon… that transition is going to go more easily, for you and for the Republic as a whole, if you are willing to make it rather than dragging it out.”

“I’m not sure what you are insinuating, Senator Organa,” Palpatine began.

“It’s not an insinuation,” Bail replied.

He shrugged. “It’s a statement of fact. Speaking purely from the point of view of securing public support, it is a matter of fact that the public responds better to someone who is willing to face an electoral challenge than someone who fends it off as best they can. If you continue to run the Republic in a crisis situation until the end of the war, then – speaking purely in terms of fact – that makes it far more likely that you will lose the subsequent election.”

Palpatine glowered.

“Assuming I accept your assessment,” he began. “What is your suggestion, then?”

“Abandon your emergency powers, or make a clear statement with a short timeframe as to when those powers will be abandoned,” Mon advised. “There are also issues relating to the courts, to be clear.”

“I don’t consider such issues to be issues at all,” Palpatine said, then there was a beeping sound.

He picked up the comlink from his desk.

“Yes?” he asked, then smiled. “Anakin, my boy! It’s good to hear from you. How have you been doing on Kashyyyk?”

“Is this… a bit impolite?” Bail murmured to Mon.

“Skywalker did call him,” Mon replied. “You know how the two are friends.”

“...that sounds marvellous,” Palaptine said. “Oh? ...yes, I remember. I’d be happy to negotiate with the CIS leadership… I’m sorry, who are you talking to?”

“And… there we go,” Static declared. “It’s using a priority override key, the only one in the system. You’ll show up as being Nute Gunray, since we know he had contact.”

“Excellent,” Obi-Wan replied, nodding to the expert. “Anakin?”

“Ready, Master,” Anakin replied. “I’ve got the Chancellor on the other call, I’ll put the comlinks next to one another.”

“Very good,” Obi-Wan said. “I’ll do the same.”

He triggered the system, and for a long moment nothing happened.

Then the call connected.

“Explain yourself, Nute,” came a sinister voice, and Obi-Wan shuddered.

Who would ever think such a man had their best interests at heart?

“I assume you are referring to Nute Gunray?” the Chancellor said. “I believe he is not available. However-”

“Begone, then,” Sidious snapped.

“Please, allow me to finish,” the Chancellor requested. “This war has been going on for too long already, and I believe there are grounds for a peaceful settlement.”

“A peaceful settlement?” Sidious asked, chuckling darkly. “What kind of peaceful settlement could you possibly be talking about?”

“Surely the conflict between the Jedi and the Sith has some basis in the past, but that was hundreds of years ago,” the Chancellor pointed out.

“The conflict between the Jedi and the Sith is quite recent,” Sidious replied. “The Sith have developed techniques which some would consider… unnatural… and the Jedi were opposed to them from the start. They wished to keep the secret of healing the very ill out of the hands of the galaxy… many of them won’t even know it themselves.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling to ward off his intense dislike for the Sith.

That was an obvious tissue of lies, phrased to manipulate and with a built-in reason why the listener might not have heard of it.

“There must be a basis for peace,” the Chancellor protested.

Sidious made an amused noise. “Very well, then, here is your proposal. The Jedi Order must be dismantled.”

“I will not accept that,” Palpatine replied. “Some Jedi are my personal friends. Anakin Skywalker, for example, is a hero.”

Sidious chuckled. “You’re not expecting me to change my mind based on that, are you?” he asked, sounding amused. “What if I revealed to you that the Jedi do not have your own best interests at heart?”

“I would be very much inclined to not believe you,” Palpatine said, with a sigh. “Your Confederacy has caused enormous bloodshed!”

“The Confederacy was never a Sith creation,” Sidious replied. “It was a creation of my apprentice, Count Dooku. But Count Dooku is not the Sith. What the Sith want – what I want – is to be free from the tyranny of the Jedi.”

His voice became silky and insinuating. “Haven’t the Jedi resisted your own influence? Prevented that hero you spoke of from achieving the rank of Master? What other reason could they have – they must be hiding something.”

Obi-Wan felt sick for a moment.

The way this Sith was speaking was almost calculated to get under Anakin’s skin, as well as that of the Chancellor.

“I… don’t think the Jedi Order is quite so corrupt as you suggest,” Palpatine replied, after a moment, which was almost worse than an agreement.

Did the Chancellor really think he could give orders to the Jedi?

“You know what it would take for a peace,” Sidious said. “It’s the only way to stop the bloodshed. The only way that the Sith would feel… comfortable… sharing our superior knowledge of the Force.”

Then the call ended, unceremoniously.

“...well, that could have gone better,” Anakin muttered.

“It was worth a try,” Obi-Wan said, though he privately agreed with Anakin.

Static and Sparkle were checking if they’d managed to track down Sidious during the conversation, and once they delivered their verdict Obi-Wan would check with Anakin to see if R2 had achieved anything. Maybe he’d even managed to send a virus.

At least Sidious had stayed on the line for a while.

Palpatine heaved an enormous sigh of relief, setting down the comlink he’d been using to talk to Anakin.

He very much hoped to never have to do something like that again.

Then a tiny sound made him look up.

Bail Organa and Mon Mothma were staring at him. And, in a shimmering blue hologram, so were about half of the Jedi Council.

“...what. The kriff. Was that?” Mace Windu asked, eventually.

“Ah…” Palpatine began. “...performance art?”

Nobody seemed very impressed by that answer.

[mock-arts]

In honor of me not having any more bangs on the schedule for the year, here's part 1/2 of my 2023 cover collection! This portion 100% star wars. The next bit will be up tomorrow. I've started a cover collection tag for the compilations like this, but you can always look through all my bang art in my big bang tag. Though, not all of these were for big bangs. Eh, whatever.

Links and summaries below the cut!

Cover collection 2023

So There's this Guy by @catbuirs-alt & @elsaanna007 (art) (with more art by @anstarwar)

The war is over!

Jesse, Kix, Echo and Fives live together in an apartment on Coruscant.

Echo finds himself in a new romance with a beautiful woman named Hehna. After finding himself lacking in experience, Fives offers to help him out with advice and practice.

Unfortunately for Fives, this awakens some feelings he thought were buried deep and he doesn’t know what to do about them. He decides to put them aside and be happy that Echo has found someone.

Fives’ advice does help Echo become more confident with his new girlfriend, but something is holding him back. His thoughts keep returning to his best friend and he’s not the only one who notices. Will Fives keep his role as the best friend, or will Echo realize that his attraction to Hehna pales in comparison to his feelings for Fives?

Keep by @tallnegotiations (art)

Vader is a technical genius, it is a well-known fact. So, following his defeat at the hands of his old Master on Mustafar and the rise of the Empire, Vader executes his greatest act of genius to prove his dominance: he creates an artificial intelligence modeled after Obi-Wan Kenobi.

After the rise of the Empire, nothing remains of Commander Cody except for CC-2224, just another rank-and-file stormtrooper among many. He goes where he is told to go, shoots where he is told to shoot, and doesn't question it because good soldiers follow orders.

A droid told to be human meets a human told to be a droid. They meet somewhere in the middle.

(Tooka) Cat-Scratch Fever by @pebblish (art)

Luke is lonely, and instead of joining space bumble decides to cure the problem with a tooka cat. When he visits a shelter, he stumbles upon the most unadoptable feline there- a scarred, jet black, mangy creature that tears apart the homes of any who dare to adopt him.

Darth Vader has been turned into a tooka cat by his former Master, Darth Sidious. And now, he's been adopted by some blonde brat who has no idea who he's dealing with.

The pair of them are in for some startling revelations, and each will have to learn that what you want isn't always what you need.

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night by Trillium Orchid (art)

Force Osik can make things difficult and decidedly strange. Sith versions of Cody, Fox, Thorn, Thire, and Stone get switched with the bodies of their alternate selves that are from a near-cannon timeline…

They decide to Help Things- and manage to kill the Chancellor. Meanwhile, the vod’e that they switch with is trying to get back home and hop a few universes before getting switched back… after the Sith versions kill the Chancellor.

Ripple in the Universe by @darthtarvera (art)

Jango Fett has done many things in service to Mandalore. Tricking a couple of Jedi so he can use them to get to the heart of a conspiracy seems simple enough to add to the list. Get the Jedi, get to Mandalore, and find the traitors. One more step to take on his path to fix the mistakes from the last time he did this.

Ripples on the water can have longer-lasting effects than you might think. Jango Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi meet years before they were supposed to.

This changes things.

An Hourglass in Hand by @ecarian (art) (with more art by @blog-o-randomness)

“I thought daemons didn’t eat,” Rex noted once, during a celebration feast, as he and Cody watched Boga devour her meal with some fascination. Varactyl she may be, but she was a tiny one. There wasn't much interior space for the truly momentous amount of meat she was ripping into. Boga daintily rubbed her beak against a folded serviette that looked kind of like a bird, and said, prim, “I can do anything a human can do.”

“Oh?” Obi-Wan said mildly, from where he’d been tapping at a datapad. “Shall I save you a portion of these reports then?”

No Trophies, Only Prisoners by @diviluscorner (art)

Jango’s life took a wrong turn somewhere around Geonosis and spat him out years later to haunt one of his clones.

Or perhaps Jango doesn't realize the Force has other plans for him.

Every Shadow by @kenobster (art)

The days on Kadavo were long, but the nights moved quickly. Hundreds of pairs of wide, sleepless eyes haunted the space of the holding cells. Droves of terror clogged the heavy, sweaty air, and every sound, however faint, was like a physical ripple across the crowd. Every sound. The jingling of keys, the clicking of locks, the thudding of boots, and that’s how the nights on Kadavo started—with a gradual increase in the degree of quiet.

OR—during the mass casualty event following Kadavo and Zygerria, Obi-Wan and Anakin seek ways to cope with trauma.

[kayberrie]

You know what the worst thing about Ahsoka is?

It's that she could never have a happy ending.

From the moment she was introduced as Anakin Skywalker’s padawan, from the moment she existed as a Jedi, she was doomed. Because no matter how much she tried to fight, how many good things she did, her character is bound by the narrative, just like every prequels character is.

The Jedi order will fall. Anakin will become Vader. The 501st will be follow their orders.

Everything Ahsoka loved will die (at least most of it). It must, for the timeline and the story to stay intact. Her culture. Her brothers. Her masters and friends and family. All of them, doomed just like her. Nobody gets what they want, except for Sidious.

Her story was already written. And it was not a happy one.

[darth-jess]

Anakin: A Genius and an Idiot

I love the headcanon (is it a headcanon or just an observation?) that Anakin Skywalker is just a complete idiot in addition to being a genius.

Like, don't get me wrong, he's extremely intelligent, he's often described as a genius, and I really don't think that's an exaggeration. He is an incredible strategist, he understands people and knows how to motivate others. I know he doesn't give off the vibe that he's very book smart but he's the kid who barely studies at all and somehow still absorbs all the material.

He also knows himself very well, and you see this in how he pursues Padmé. He is confident in himself and he knows what he wants, and he's not afraid to admit it. You also see this in his guilt over the things he's done: massacring the Tusken Raiders and murdering Count Dooku. He's not stupid, he knows these things are bad and it really eats away at him that he did these things, that he was capable of doing these things.

Even as Vader, he absolutely knows that everything he's done is his fault. He knows Padmé's death is his fault, he knows Sidious manipulated him, he knows he's a slave. He knows he betrayed all his friends and it amounted to nothing.

However, I think that sometimes he's just completely blinded to things that should be obvious.

Like… Obi-Wan makes it pretty damn obvious he knows that Anakin and Padmé are A Thing but Anakin thinks he's being pretty secretive about it. Skywalker notoriously lacked subtlety. Honestly, the whole Jedi Council was probably aware.

Also, in ROTS when Anakin is seeing Padmé for the first time after the battle over Coruscant, he picks her up and hugs her and like… he didn't feel how pregnant she was? DUDE.

I also think it's funny that the Jedi have literally allowed other Jedi to be married (Ki-Adi Mundi, for one, as well as Revan and Bastilla Shan) and Anakin didn't think they'd make some kind of exception for him, for the Chosen One. Like if he'd come out and told the Jedi Council that he was married to Padmé, they would absolutely disapprove but he was too valuable to them for the Council to banish him from the Jedi Order.

Don't get me started on all the instances of Anakin blatantly missing the obvious during the Clone Wars, as well. It's absolutely wonderful.

[whitejays-galaxy]

Star Wars cat AU pt. 2: The Villains of the Prequels

Some pose studies I did of these evil goobers:

Sidious:

Maul:

Dooku:

Vader:

Lore:

<Lightningstrike/Sidious>

Name Meaning: Bolts of "Lightning" are very unpredictable, and they always "Strike" when you least expect it. It also represents his deadliness and power that of a lightning bolt.

Plus he also got struck by lightning across the right side of his face when he was a smol psychopath kitten during training at some ancient Darkhaven temple

He's the same size as Yoda/Horizonstar in my AU

He eats other dead cats

He tore Dooku's pelt and made it into a cape he wears sometimes

His nest is made out of cat pelts and bones(mostly from the victims of Order 66)

He is capable of Force Masking(a rare Force ability that allows one to shapeshift into anything. The only other cat who had this ability in the same period was Qui-Gon-Jinn/Sagepelt)

He is an albino cat, and his only physical weakness is bad eyesight

<Bloodburn/Maul>

Name Meaning: "Blood" symbolizes his bloody past, and the loss of his brothers, and "Burn" symbolizes his world and true self burning away.

He was formerly called Russetstorm, and lived with his two brothers, Tigertalon/Savage, and Amberspark/Feral.

Since Dathomir is a society where she-cats have more power, Poisonstar/Mother Talzin was fascinated and angered at the same time when her son, Russetstorm beat all the other she-cats during sparring.

Soon, she realizes that Russetstorm is Force Sensitive, and she tries to get rid of him by sending him off to Lightningstrike in exchange for valuable metals and other resources.

Russetstorm quickly finds out that Poisonstar is trying to get rid of him, so he runs away in the middle of the night with Tigertalon and Amberspark.

They didn't go far, as the two brothers were brutally slaughtered by the guards before Russetstorm's very eyes.

Russetstorm tips to the dark side in his fury and anguish, killing all the guards; Lightningstrike, noticing Russet's raw power in the Force, abducts him anyhow and seduces him to the ways of the dark side.

Years later, Poisonstar would meet her downfall by her son's own claws, which takes place two years before the events of The Phantom Menace, and Russetstorm would be renamed Bloodburn.

<Frostshard/Tyrantturn/Dooku>

I mentioned the meaning of Dooku's name in my first Cat AU post, so I'll be telling you his Sith name here

Name Meaning: "Tyrant" because Frostshard betrayed everything he once stood for, and "Turn" represents his fall to the dark side.

Since he was never a full Darkhavener, his pelt stayed clean and his eyes were normal and not orange like a typical Darkhavener.

When he got killed by Skyfire/Anakin, he gets stuck in the Dark Forest(cat hell), soul constantly glitching/shifting from Frostshard to Tyrantturn(who has a dead grey pelt and orange eyes)

<Deadsoul/Vader>

Name Meaning: I chose "Dead" because Skyfire/Anakin died when he turned to the dark side. He lost everything, with no reason to live except to serve Lightningstrike/Sidious until he died. 

I chose "Soul" because he is a lost soul wandering in the remains of his failures and losses. His body is functioning, but his spirit has been crushed into smithereens.

After his battle with Hazeldusk/Obi-Wan, his body gets reconstructed in the Dark Forest(which Lightningstrike opens a portal in Mustafar using the dark side of the Force)

Nine Darkhaven/Sith souls(Revan/Corvidheart, Maul/Bloodburn, Plagueis/Plagueshadow, Bane/Nightshade, Tyranus/Tyrantturn, Starkiller, Malgus/Stormcutter, Tenebrae/Vortexvoid, and Hellfire/founder of Darkhaven)were used for his life support, and each soul gave him the power of its owner(but only if he studied the different aspects of the Dark Force was he then able to obtain the soul's energy. Which he does with most of the time during the OG trilogy)

Thank you for watching/reading this

If you want to read the AU(I only managed to finish the Prequels and Dooku's story)

https://www.wattpad.com/user/Whitejay0307

The Disaster Lineage as Cats

Do NOT COPY ANY OF MY DESIGNS

This is a very personal AU and they mean so much to me

[phoenixyfriend]

Star Wars AU Masterlist: General AUs

Navigation Post

Fun fact, tumblr allows 250 links on the old editor and 100 in the new. So. Network of masterlists. This is one of sixteen masterposts I have for Star Wars. These are just the most ‘generic’ of the AUs.

(Also this post has been randomly deleted at least once so uhhhh great thanks to the wayback machine holy shit.)

RANDOM AUS IN CANONVERSE

Misconceptions AU

Fem!Obi-Wan - not the same AU, but related: hair and makeup

Magically attractive Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan is Immortal (and it’s not great for his self preservation)

Padme/Sabe timeline

Jedi who leave the Order as a way to save it

“AUs where Obi-Wan gets adopted by Mandalorians” but I made it pro-Jedi and also Obitine

I did not know that about Haiti, whoops

Omegaverse Jedi should be LESS intense about sexism, not more

Pre-TPM

Obi-Wan fakes his death on Melida/Daan

Dooku knows Jango before Galidraan AU

Slutty Xanatos

Sharad Hett finds baby Anakin in Mos Espa and has to Deal With That

Shake that (Stewjoni) Bagpipe - various instruments with various characters

Anakin & Obi-Wan age swap, ft. Anakin and Satine being saltmates

Mand’alor Satine

Rael finds and keeps Komari - Expanded

Force-Sensitive Satine Kryze

Xanatos-Obi age swap (Xanatos/Bo-Katan)

Aayla/Bo-Katan meet during The Year On The Run

Quinlan meets toddler Anakin pre-canon, and Obi-Wan has a contact on-planet (Shmi) when TPM comes around

Raised a Sith Anakin, except Dooku snaps up Anakin and his mom from Mustafar since he’s better at Childcare than Sidious (who is annoyed at this situation)

That time Qui-Gon turned into a tree (via @willowcrowned, with fic by @smilebackwards)

Pre-TCW

Anakin&Obi-Wan, Jedi Stuff

Anakin’s paternal DNA came from Palpatine via Sith Magic

Anakin Skywalker, Secret Son of a Disgraced King

* Kick Up Your Heels - The Summary

Drag Queen AU - Oh, That’s Just Ben

Obi-Wan Wins a Moon

Tiniest Assistant Teacher

Anakin Loses his Connection to the Force, Time For Career Guidance - Addendum

Amnesiac Qui-Gon

Taking out Obi-Wan Kenobi (MaulObi)

Murder Puppy Anakin

Anakin the Snake - This AU is in the Wider AUs masterlist

One of several reasons Qui-Gon may not have been the best teacher for Anakin

Anakin’s teenage rebellion

Through strange coincidence, Obi-Wan and Shmi are actually stepsiblings

The Jedi are Kyber

Best masters for Anakin when Obi-Wan and Mace aren’t available

Obikin Sleeping Beauty AU - TCW Anakin finds a hot guy in cryo, turns out it’s Qui-Gon’s missing padawan from like twelve years ago

Mandalorian and Clone Stuff

Bo-Katan Decides She’s Siding With Family

* Kamino Belongs to the Clones (ft. banana)

Secret Clones AU

Anakin finds the clones a year early

In which Bo-Katan, or possibly Jango, breaks the cycle of violence that raised them

The Darksaber Picks Satine

Sith&Other Stuff

Ventress vs. Absolute Primogeniture

Maul ‘acquires’ Ferus Olin

Dooku Acquires a YA Sith Maul, following up on Sidious’s notes: I can teach you the ways of the Dark Side. Dooku, following literal decades of habit: …I can domesticate him.

Dooku becomes Count of Serenno… and brings the Jedi with him

Dooku hasn’t Fallen yet, and adopts teen Ventress, who has

An Accountant in Theed

Parenting Focus

Obitine Raise Anakin, ft. Grampa Dooku

* Mand’Alor Korkie Kenobi

The secret accidental Obitine baby isn’t Korkie, it’s Bo-Katan - Bokkin addendum

Obitine’s Pregnancy Scare

Obi, Protect Them

She’s Little Sister Shaped

Power Limiter Robes

Quinlan’s Smear Campaign

Artoo and Threepio adopt Boba

* Congratulations, Master Jinn, It’s a Boy!

Anakin isn’t human and reproduces via Space Parthenogenesis (and possibly lays an egg)

A “Stewjoni are all capable of pregnancy” fic where Obi-Wan offers to have Bail and Breha’s heir for them

Calligraphy I prompted from @theshitpostcalligrapher

Bo-Katan is Korkie’s bio mom, but got him removed to finish gestation in a tube (like clones) as soon as she found out because she was sixteen and not at all ready

Transmasc Obi-Wan babytraps ‘escaped Naboo intact’ Maul, who is now having difficulty deciding what to do with himself - Why we love MaulObi

TCW

Main: Anakin

Anakin Assists the Jedi Council While On Medical Leave (with a Horrible Miscommunication Addendum by @willowcrowned) - Now with a longform (and really good) fic on AO3! Sith Lightning, Paperwork, and Other Extreme Sports by @deadstarsrisingsblog

Chip Reactivation AU

The Romance Movie Curse - Ficlet written by @chaoticevilbean

Deserters? What deserters?

Anakin accidentally used the Force to make people like him, and is now panicking in an attempt to undo All of it (especially Padme)

Mace gets de-aged, hooks up with Anakin (much to the distress of Obi-Wan and Depa)

* Ficlet: Because I Fell Too

In for a Penny (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens)

Truth Serum AU (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens) - It’s all fun and games until it isn’t

In Which Palpatine Leaves the Door Open (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens) - A conjugal visit

Voluntary servitude (slavery) as the highest form of penitence and reparation on Tatooine, Anakin’s apology to the Tuskens - A different response - The context of Anakin’s childhood

Anakin invents a twin brother

Undercover Anakin&Mace have to pretend to be father and son

Anakin becomes aware of the fourth wall and ‘solves’ his problems by leaking nudes and otherwise fucking up his life “The way to break free of a story’s gravity is to consider every possible option and then pick the one that makes the absolute least sense.”

Sith Heir Anakin arranged marriage to second daughter of Mandalore Bo-Katan

Everyone Anakin meets is obsessed with keeping him safe post-Mortis and he hates it (horror)

Main: Obi-Wan

Mandalorian Mamma Mia (AKA Korkie lies about his dad)

(Most Obi-Wan focused AUs are in other lists).

Main: Ahsoka

Ahsoka gets Winter-Soldiered (This already exists and is much better than I could have managed)

Artificially Evil Ahsoka (Mortis had some lasting effects)

Ahsoka accidentally becomes a Film Noir Private Detective after leaving the Jedi, and derails all of Palpatine’s plots

Ahsoka’s crush on Barriss is “notice me senpai”

Bosoka arranged marriage when?

Main: Disaster Trio

Ghost on the Wire AU

* Anakin’s DNA Wish

Even Ventress Sees You’re Dad - Anakin talks too much

Disaster Lineage on SpaceTube

SW Prequels “Watch Your Own Series” AU (chrono)

Anakin & Barriss

Obi-Wan joins Dooku in AotC as a ploy to gather information, fails upwards

Anakin Accuses Obi-Wan of being Blonde

Sudden Soulmarks

Ahsoka accidentally outs Palpatine as a Sith through the use of incomprehensible emoji jibberish

Main: Clones

In which Cody and Rex Accidentally God-Mode - Kix Fights Rex’s Blood

Furbie the Coruscant Guard

Clint and Matt

Ghost Kitten Clones

Keep the Jedi Out of It, now with art by @lemoneste

In Which Fox Arrests His Boss - On a Technicality

Bly’s Glitching Brain Chip

Commander Fox is the Organas’ sugar baby (non-sexual, mostly)

Rex/Ventress - stranded together

Sponsor a Battalion

Fox arrests some senators for littering

Cody and Fox become building safety inspectors post-war

Clones deserve to be frat boys. Also date Anakin.

Rex/Barriss, in which Barriss is Fucked Up (but trying to do better)

Echo takes Dogma under his wing

Main: Other

Sidious and the Worst Kidnapping Ever

Who Gave Ventress the Keys? - Additions by others

Yoda commits a murder, blames the dementia

Shrink ‘em

Necromancied Qui-Gon kidnaps Ventress (she’s a Free Grad Student) - Addendum

Ventress Gets Married to Fuck Up Sidious’s Day

Dookasta interviews/negotiations, TCW as the galaxy’s ugliest divorce

Korkie picks up the Darksaber, and sees Dead Mand’alore

Satine manages to piss off both sides of the war by taking in defecting clones

Parenting Focus

Ahsoka Steals a Baby

Rattatak Death Swap

Baby 501st Legion

Oh, So THAT’S What People Think

Fairy Jango Fett

* Big Sis ‘Soka

Anakin volunteers to be a surrogate (the timing is… not optimal)

Trans Anakin explains that he is NOT the father

* Implications of a Miracle Pregnancy

If Obi-Wan gets pregnant, Anakin’s going to be the one getting invested in the future nibling

Grieving with Newborns (Padme still dies, and Anakin goes to Obi-Wan for help) - Addendum - Addendum 2

Ventress gets pregnant as a get-out-of-jail card

Anakin and Obi-Wan babytalk the twins differently

Post-O66

* Eldritch Ahsoka (1k plus notes)

- Speaker of Mortis

The Mortis Song

Emperor Bail - Addendum

Pirate Mace (Mace survives O66, joins Hondo) - Tax Evasion

Yularen’s Radio Show

Yularen undercover on the Death Star (feeding info to the Rebellion)

* When Vader Fails (in the Wrong Direction) (quick note)

* Owen Needs a Favor

Korkie gets dragged along on Bo-Katan’s insurgency plots

What’s Korkie Up To?

Barriss breaks out of prison and incidentally joins up with Rex

Barriss breaks out of prison and finds Ahsoka because she needs an external moral compass

Quinlan finds, frees, and press-gangs Bly into helping him fuck up the Empire, in Aayla’s memory/honor

Ventress Bothers Darth Vader

Bo-Katan bothers Ben Kenobi

Vader hallucinates so intensely that he destroys the Empire because he talked to a ghost who was disappointed in him.

Vader gets turned into an anime waifu and everyone hates that

A trad Mando of Din’s type finds Merrin, and decides to return her to her people. The only one still alive that they know of is Ventress.

Padme’s Handmaidens: Let’s Scam The Empire Into Thinking Amidala Is Still Alive

Original Trilogy and Beyond

Han’s Anti-Force Force-Sensitivity

Bumbling Vampire Han Solo

The ghosts of all those murdered Jedi Kids are haunting Vader but he’s just… too pathetic for them to try that hard

Mace’s ghost mentors Luke - Jocasta’s ghost mentors Leia

ANH Obi-Wan pretends to be senile, lost, and politely befuddled on the Death Star when noticed by Stormtroopers

Rex and Wolffe, dying Cody

Boba Accidentally Acquires The Darksaber, And Now He Can’t Get Rid Of It

Vader skypes his kids from jail

Mpreg Vader - This AU is in the Wider AUs Masterlist

Trans Vaderkin pregnancy, prenatal addiction to the Dark Side - Followup

Darth Vader gets turned into a cute teen girl and makes it everyone’s problem

Luke finds Decrepit Old Hermit Dooku hiding out on some mountain and recruits him to the new Jedi School before anyone can tell him why that’s a bad idea

The Mandalorian:

Ahsoka’s got Beef (The Mandalorian)

Boba’s Older Brothers

No, REALLY Old

Whacking sticks

Maul’s Back - Now with art by @its-not-a-pen

What I would want out of The Mandalorian            

Bo-Katan knows Luke is Vader’s kid, keeps her mouth shut

Bo-Katan fucking with Obi-Wan’s Ghost

Get some actual Mando’a in here, Disney, you cowards

BobaDin but Fennec’s making fun of Boba the whole time

Satine is one of the darksaber ghosts - Addendum

Tradition as Din’s Covert vs. Tradition as Death Watch

Middle-Aged Foppish Duke in Distress Korkie is very enamored by Mand’alor Din regularly rescuing him

[stealingpotatoes]

can we get a rundown on the anakin-raises-leia au? i’m totally in love with (read: obsessed with) it but i missed most of the context and i’m so curious!

are they coparenting? was it a parent trap style agreement to split the twins? is it temporary, until the war ends? who decided who gets which twin? did mustafar just never happen?

the answers to ur questions in short are: not really, arguably, absolutely, i did, and no!

in longer, the main thing you need to know for context is it's an Anakin-doesn't-turn-to-the-darkside-but-Palps-still-succeeds AU!

Anakin chooses not to try save Palpatine from the Jedi council and instead goes to Padmé's to angst abt the fact he might be losing her -- only to feel a very solid Other loss in the Force and see the temple up in flames ): he tries to go help but gets his shit kicked enough he leaves when Bail shows up

obi-wan and yoda both return to coruscant, obi-wan shows up to Padmé's to ask her hey do you know where Anakin is??? except Padmé's not there either bc after Sidious made his Big Speech anidala realised Anakin's totally a fugitive so they decided to Leave

i'm not 100% on what happens around here (lbr we all know my focus is the kids) but i'm currently thinking they nearly get caught or smthn, fight happens (??), Obi-wan gets there just in time to help thanks to Dormé snitching -- and Padmé goes into labour w the shock/stress

whatever exactly happens, Obi-Wan is there when they get Padmé to a medical station and the normal rots ending group unite. Padmé gives birth (keeping her will to live) and a question hangs heavy in the air: what are they supposed to do with the twins?

Anidala are too caught up in the joy of being parents to think about it, but they're quickly and forcibly snapped out of that when the Survivors all have a chat like canon. Yoda's the (brave) one to say they need to be apart because their force signatures would be too strong together and in the dire case Palps finds them, he could NOT take both. He's probs initially like they shouldnt even be kept w you two, Anakin's too powerful himself and Padmé you're too visible (while I imagine Bail and Obi-wan know their respective besties and are like king they are NOT gonna take that well)

and theyre right! Padmé, fresh out of like three of the top ten most harrowing experiences of her life, is like stfu u little green bitch im not losing my kids. but after some convincing she sees the need for her to remain in the senate and anakin's need to fight/run. she knows they can't fight the empire effectively together and she knows it's too dangerous to put the twins together. both parents want more than ANYTHING to be with their kids -- but they also don't want their kids growing up in a galaxy eaten by tyranny or being stolen by palps.

so they made the hardest goddamn decision of their lives and each take a twin (probably chosen on "anakin thought the baby'd be a girl/padme thought it'd be a boy" or smthn) and after some time planning their next moves, Padmé and Anakin are forced to go their separate ways to save the galaxy for and with their kids ): knowing the better they fight, the sooner they free the galaxy from the empire's clutches, the sooner they can reunite and be a family

[charmwasjess]

The fact that the Council doesn’t know Dooku is a Sith by episode ii means he hasn’t pulled that thang out in public in years (his lightsaber).

I know you even clarified “his lightsaber” but I’m really thinking a lot about Dooku's dick right now, so I started to type like “NO, no one is touching it except for him --sadly, he killed his beautiful husband and I think the initial sex with Sidious was so rancid that they both got grossed out afterward...” but then I reread your ask, so, ahem, excuse me—

–Well, he does kill a Jedi Councilor – the second Council member he’s killed in either a matter of months or like three days, depending on differing timelines – on Coruscant with it, and significant people close to him or last scene with him (Sifo-Dyas, Yaddle, Jenza, almost certainly Rael…) all keep mysteriously disappearing or turning up dead…

But I don’t know, the Jedi Order’s consistent incredulity and disbelief over Dooku’s fall really gets me in my feelings. I LOVE it as a narrative point in his story. Sure, there are plotlines in the books or TotJ where Dooku does some big red flag and everyone looks around uncomfortably and clears their throat. But the thing the KILLS me is the opposite - Dooku as Yoda’s beloved son, training an entire generation of Jedi younglings during his lightsaber instructor tenure, a trusted mentor, a familiar sight at the Temple even after he left, raising two well-liked and popular Jedi Masters, remaining close enough even with friends on the Council that they immediately vouch for him in the face of evidence that he did something shady. Dooku was so fucking loved. 

There’s a fantastic scene in the Yoda comic finale where Sith Ghost Dooku uh, chases Yoda around the swamp, throwing Yaddle’s body at him and telling him how he’s complicit in his atrocities because he, Yoda, LET Dooku fall by not seeing it happen, letting him keep his lightsaber, etc etc... And of course, this vision is happening in Yoda’s head, he's just confronting his own fears about what happened with Dooku and his ability to not fuck up Luke, but god, it kills me. IT KILLS ME, GEODE!

[whorevader]

Here's my comparison of what Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme would do given the chance to go back and change things.

Anakin would keep his mouth fucking shut and try not to change anything EXCEPT he would figure out a way to try and kill Palps RIGHT before Order 66. Might occasionally try to use foreknowledge to spare more people during CW or to help Ahsoka but that's all low priority. Knowing that Padme falls for him I think actually makes him less intense about his affections, trusting that their love will carry through, but more intense about protecting her, if in a more self-sacrificing way on top of murderous way. OH, he also leaves without permission and saves his mom before the raiders can even touch her, maybe with murder, maybe with strategy. I think he struggles not to use the dark side for a while, too, but he also comes to recognize that overemphasis of one side of the force over the other will always lead to extremism and atrocity, whether through active oppression or systemized neglect. He focuses on Mace's saber style as the best compromise he can come up with in the meantime. Obi-Wan gets more and more concerned, depending on when exactly he was sent back, and starts cramping his style, which only increases Anakin's resentment over time. Because on the surface, he's doing exactly what Obi-Wan always wanted him to do, even if he has been shutting out their bond and keeping secrets, so why has he suddenly decided that's no good? This culminates in a series of increasingly bothersome confrontations, blah blah

Obi-Wan takes his foreknowledge to the Council, unsure if he actually went to the future, or if he had a shockingly horrifyingly vivid vision. When the Council is skeptical, he gets frustrated and struggles, bouncing back and forth between obedient and depressed, and paranoid and ornery. Then when the first major event that he predicted happens, he freaks out and the Council calls him in again and debates to hell and back what to do. He maybe starts to realize that the Jedi are less than perfect. Dooku — whom he accused of being a future traitor — confronts him about the nature of his vision, but as a result, he is, to Obi-Wan's horror, the most receptive of the council members? Again, everything will depend on when he gets sent back, still. But as his predictions are true, one after another, the council takes them more seriously... but then they stop being true, bc their changes cause changes which are enough so sidious's plan changes, and now it's increasingly hard to predict whether the actual important and harrowing stuff will occur as it once did and what can be done. Shoots himself in the foot essentially as is his modus operandi

Padme gets sent back to the first film and swoops in before the Jedi can change their minds about training Anakin. She gives him a place with her on Naboo, and the council just gives up on getting him back, essentially, like they only barely agreed to Obi-Wan's plan in the first place... Obi-Wan is distraught and secretly seething that she's interfering with his ability to honor his master's dying wish. She knows how important Obi-Wan was to Anakin, offers to let the two of them engage in correspondence, and is disgusted and less than impressed when Obi-Wan insists that would be pointless and against the Code. She sends a couple updates to him about Anakin's well-being at the beginning, but then stops. Obi-Wan perhaps asks after him eventually, at which point she tells him to just send the kid a letter himself. If this even does occur, then he may or may not actually do so. Padme also buys Shmi out of slavery. She emphatically does not support any of Palp's political endeavours, but because she has the subtlety of a foot to the face when she's upset, and Palpatine's not an idiot, he tries to have her killed much earlier, and Anakin has to save her. She reluctantly tries to tell the Jedi about there still being a Sith, but they dismiss her, except for Obi-Wan. Padme and Anakin have to go on the run from Sheev probably and Obi-Wan keeps in contact with them both. Padme eventually tells Anakin the truth about her having been from the future, Anakin believes her no questions asked... all my thoughts are jumbled with Padme and a lot of these events would probably have to be rearranged based on actual logic, but anyways. It's literally dinnertime so I'm stopping bless

[hmslusitania]

Paint Down Our Memories

Obi-Wan Kenobi & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus, Cere Junda & Cal Kestis, Cal Kestis/Merrin, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Ezra Bridger/Luke Skywalker

Luke Skywalker, Cal Kestis, Ezra Bridger, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Leia Organa, Cere Junda, Merrin (Star Wars), Trilla Suduri | Second Sister, Kanan Jarrus, Ahsoka Tano, Han Solo, Chewbacca (Star Wars), Hera Syndulla, Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Various Others

Fix-It, by It I mean the entire Empire, The World Between Worlds (Star Wars), That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars), skywalker bullshit, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Except one notable person, Road Trips, Married Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, universe reset

23 years ago, the burgeoning Galactic Empire was stopped before it could fully start. Jedi hero Anakin Skywalker struck down the Sith Lord Sidious and was tragically slain by the Senate Guard before the situation could be understood. The Clone War was ended, and although the Republic did not survive intact, nothing worse rose to take its place. Which is... always how it went, isn't it? At the 23rd anniversary of the conclusion of the war, a sudden Disturbance in the Force raises questions about Galactic history as they know it, and combined with Luke suddenly manifesting Force abilities no one ever expected, there's really only one thing for the Skywalker family to do: undertake a zany space adventure with a bunch of other misfit Jedi to try and get to the bottom of this situation.

[fanfictasia]

Luke should have killed Vader in ROTJ. He should have cut off Vader's hand then said "you betrayed your friends, the Jedi who raised you. You broke Obi-Wan's heart and caused him to live in exile. You killed my sister's family and killed my mother and my aunt and uncle. And now you're going to pay the price, Anakin." And then Luke kills him.

First off, every single one of those statements is inaccurate.

Anakin’s “friends” betrayed him first. He never had any real friends, except Kitster, who he left on Tatooine years ago. Obi-Wan betrayed him and turned on him. Obi-Wan did, in fact, turn Padme against him. Ahsoka abandoned him. The moment Yoda heard what happened to Anakin, he orders Obi-Wan to kill him. That was everyone Anakin cared about, except Shmi, who was dead, and Rex, who was gone.

And Obi-Wan broke his own heart by being a dumb*** and not helping Anakin or even trying to talk him down when he had the chance. And he lived in exile because of Sidious. Look up who the Emperor was, please..

None of what happened to Leia had anything to do with Vader. That all had to with Tarkin. Padme died from childbirth, literally nothing to Vader either, and even if it did, it’s not like LUke would even know that. And Beru and Owen also had nothing to do with Vader at all.

Luckily, unlike every other single person in Anakin’s so-called family (and most of the blind fandom), Luke actually cared about him.

The point of Star Wars is redemption, not “so-called” consequences that people who like to play god think others should have gone through. And what the kriff is wrong with someone who *wants* other people to suffer, anyway?

Luke was not a monster, and if he’d done that? He would have been worse than Vader ever was. 

[freshlyjuicedbeetles]

DARTH VADER NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He would need the aftercare. You would have to check his respiration and oxygen sats and since he probably can't sweat anymore, make sure he cools down. He won't like it but knows it's an unfortunate necessity.

If you scratch him in the heat of passion or otherwise break his skin, he would be like 'Finally a scar I want to have,' because you did it.

As for you, Vader is quite rough in bed, so you'll walk away with bruises. He'll marvel at them as they contrast against your skin, knowing that he marked you, claimed you.

His perception of pain has totally changed since being burned alive and he doesn't care that you don't understand it like he does. He'll grab you roughly, force you to look at him as he pounds into you brutally.

You'll have to take care of your own aftercare. You'll be bruised on your hips and thighs from his cybernetic hands. Your nipples will be swollen and sensitive from his mouth and fingers.

Your cunt is ground zero.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Eyes. Eyes seem to hold a lot of power and symbolism to him. He wants to see your eyes, the desire in them, reverence in them, even a little bit of fear in them. He wants to see your eyes widen as he enters you, as they flutter shut in pleasure.

For himself, he thinks his body is a disaster. He hates his body, there's nothing he likes about it anymore.

Except maybe his size.

He's 6'8 in his armor, maybe take 6'7 without his boots, and like 264 pounds of muscle and metal. He loves to use his size against you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Dude's definitely got a breeding fetish. He needs an heir to help him fight Sidious. It's all going in you.

Or you're swallowing it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

If he's still in his mask, he can smell when you're wet. The olfactory sensors in his mask are strong enough to pick up on the smell. He'll never say a word about it, using it to his advantage, teasing you, and riling you up for him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's only been with Padme, but he knows what he's doing. He was exposed to sex at a very young age from the unsavory people in the slave trade. He never had hope for a normal, vanilla sex life.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position where he's in total control, where he can see your eyes, and restrain your hands if he desires.

He won't do it when anyone else is around because he finds it crude, but when he's sitting on his throne, he'll manspread. He's probably the only guy who could justify actually needing to, with his codpiece and fat cock and virile balls.

The look of him on his throne in such a powerful, masculine position does things to you and he knows.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think his funny bone was chopped off by Kenobi. His humor tends to make your eyes roll like his 'choking on aspirations' line.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

In total, he may have three single hairs scattered across his body. But seriously, almost all of his hair is gone, maybe a few patches here and there but nothing noticeable unless you're up close and personal. He did have a nice happy trail before he was burned.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's not one to set the mood. He'll dive into your mind, saying all the things he can't bring himself to say anymore, to let you feel his feelings as though they were your own. Him saying I love you and commenting on your beauty? He knows it's ridiculous coming from him. People run from him, for good reason too. Sweet nothings and pillow talk don't happen verbally.

Cock warming is a big thing for him. He loves it when you let him slide it in so you are connected. He loves the feel of your warm cunt around his massive cock. Either completely non sexually as an act of closeness or post-sex intimacy.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't necessarily see himself as a sexual being anymore without you in the context. He has more important things to think about. Like conquering the literal galaxy.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Here is an itemized list of Darth Vader's kinks:

Breeding

Restraining you with The Force

Owning you

Dominating you

Making you feel small

Dirty talk (in basic, Huttese and Sith). He'll comment on how wet and tight you are for him, a monster, a killer, how he owns you, owns your body. He'll say into your ear how he will kill Sidious and you will rule the galaxy together and he'll fuck you so hard on the Imperial throne and breed you. How you will be seen in public, pregnant with his babies.

Marking you, visibly or not. He likes when people look at your bruises or hickeys that you wear with pride and bystanders think 'Darth Vader did that' and gets their minds going about who is under the suit and they're terrified of even being in the same building as him but here you were getting fucked by him. He likes being a monster.

Power play: If you make him feel like the most powerful being in the galaxy, you will be rewarded greatly in the form of earth-shattering orgasms that only he can give you.

He loves when you worship his cock, stroking it, sucking in, marveling at it's size. I mean, his cock brought balance to The Force...

Oh god, if he took your virginity. You'll never hear the end of his dirty talk about how he corrupted you and he loves it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

On his throne oh my god yes, he would just die.

Hard and fast against a wall, overlooking the lava fields? Yes.

Suck him off in his TIE amongst the stars, where he truly feels free? Yep.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Lust and passion are big things to the Sith. Fucking you six ways from Sunday can be counted as a religious experience for him. Sometimes, he'll simply use your body to reignite that connection to The Force.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

I actually think he wouldn't choke you, by hand or force. That's how he lost Padme and that is the way he takes people out. He wouldn't want to risk it with you.

Also, he's not one for pet names. He won't call you 'honey' or 'darling'. Honestly, I cringe anytime anyone has Vader say that. I don't think he'd call you a whore or slut, either, but he would tease you about how wanton you are, how you're wet for him, a mechanical monster, a Sith Lord.

He will also never be submissive. It's too traumatic for him, from past owners and Sidious.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's got a wicked tongue. He is the Dark Lord after all. He loves playing with your cunt and clit with his tongue, how it drives you delirious with pleasure.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be slow and sensual, but he's such an intense and passionate person, that he has to make a conscious effort to slow down.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's not crazy about quickies. He wants to take his time, branding every nerve you have with him, in both pleasure and pain.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's not a true exhibitionist. He doesn't even want to be thought of as human anymore, really. So he's not going to risk getting caught. He has no hesitation in snapping a few necks if it ensures his privacy.

But.

There's a weird part of his animal brain that likes people knowing that he's a sexual being.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Just let him catch his breath and he's good to go again. He's an injured veteran, give him a minute.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Does The Force count? Because he'll mess with you from the other side of the Galaxy. He may feel like it's an inappropriate use of The Force but at the moment, he's not thinking with his brain.

You'll feel his metal fingers sliding up your thighs and down your panties at any given moment of the day. He'll send you dirty sex dreams in your sleep, of him eating you out, the kind of dreams that leave you on the edge of an orgasm as you awake.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Like I said, he'll use his size to his advantage.

He's always in your head. He'll implant a memory of a hard and nasty fucking he gave you at the exact wrong time just to mess with you.

He'll hide your clothes and force you to walk around naked when it's just the two of you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

The man is ravenous in the sense he makes a lot different sounds. His vocal cords were burnt, so they do tire out but his voice now has a raspy, husky quality to it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Don't wear your favorite clothes around him. He'll rip them off of you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It's still there.

It still works.

It's big.

And he knows how to use it.

You'll limp the next morning if you can walk at all. You're only thought will be of him.

He does still have a deep inguinal crease to die for.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

The dude needs you in his life. You keep him from unaliving himself. In the bigger picture, you keep the part of him that is still Anakin Skywalker alive, without either of you knowing it. He is human with you. He already screwed up once, the chance to have a decent life, and he's not going to do it again. If something happens to you or your relationship, he's taking the entire galaxy with him on a tour of destruction.

Far too often, he dissolves into his Vader persona and lets himself believe that he is death personified.

In his mind, he's constantly arguing with himself, wanting to know if you're in this with him. He comes with baggage; he's got childhood trauma from being a slave, losing his mother, his mother dying in his arms, hiding his relationship with Padme, contributing to Padme's death, being a slave again, this time to Sidious and not to mention all his medical trauma. He needs to know that you know what you're signing up for.

But.

He'll never say anything about this to you and will continue to spiral to himself.

Vader is an 'action speaks louder than words' guy. Him seeing you want to jump his bones and slob his knob as often as he wants to is what he needs.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He barely sleeps, part from trauma and he's also a guy that needs to be doing something. Ready for round two? Round seven?

[bird-in-the-space]

Case 56: The End of Evil

You uncovered the whole truth and confronted Palpatine. Now you are on the run as he activated the inhibitor chips and sent your own dear partner to hunt you down.

Warnings: Palpatine himself being a warning, getting chased and hunted, falling inside a lift, broken bones, bleeding, getting shot in the head, attempted character kill, scheming, and arrest.

------------------------------------

The investigation was a success. With the help of Fox and a few others, you uncovered the whole truth about the inhibitor chips and Palpatine. The inhibitor chips were implanted by the Kaminoans and were designed to make the clones follow specific contingency plans without question. You uncovered that it was Count Dooku who ordered the creation of the clones, but his master, the Sith lord, who orchestrated the whole war. All led to one specific plan which involved the destruction of the Jedi Order. And the man responsible for it all was the supreme chancellor himself. 

You were thrilled to find the truth and the proof of it all. Fox now had no doubts about turning against Palpatine after you showed him the truth. Together, you formulated a plan to expose the man and decided to give the evidence only to the Jedi Order and a few senators you trusted. 

You knew it would be a huge risk to confront Palpatine, so you revealed the truth to the rest of the CG who were willing to arrest the man, and asked Senator Amidala to bear as your witness after showing her the evidence. She was more than willing to see Palpatine arrested and agreed to accompany you. 

You had time to prevent the worst outcome, thus you set the plan into action. You had Bail Organa deliver the news and present the evidence to the Jedi Council while you, Amidala, and Fox confronted the supreme chancellor. Unfortunately, you underestimated the chancellor’s cleverness. 

Palpatine had been aware of your investigation, and after you called out his plans and identity as the Sith lord, he activated the chips. Apparently, he had a contingency plan just for you and now all the CG were ordered to execute you for treason against the Republic and the chancellor. 

Luckily, you were quick enough to escape the chancellor’s office but now you and Amidala were forced into hiding in the Senate building. Palpatine seemed to have planned it as there weren’t others in the building, except for Chuchi who had been suspicious of your activities and wanted to see what was going on, so now, you had two senators to protect from Palpatine and the rest of CG who were hunting you. You were completely locked from the outside world as you couldn't even use your coms to call for help. You had to use your wits and hope Organa and the Jedi Order realized you were in danger. 

It did not help when it was Fox, who was hunting you. 

You did not wish to hurt him yet despite everything you did to slow him down, the chip made him chase you like a mad dog. 

During this time, Palpatine, or Darth Sidious watched from the security cameras, enjoying the view as your dear partner chased you around the building. He confessed to everything and congratulated you as he had considered you the largest threat to his plans if you ever caught a niff of his involvement. He feigned how it was a pity for the people that their most beloved detective would die as a traitor for killing the two most beloved senators and trying to kill him. 

It was no big surprise that he would have Amidala and Chuchi killed with you, and then paint you as the villain. So when you three tried to escape through the lift, Palpatine had the wires cut, causing the lift to plummet to the bottom. You pushed Amidala and Chuchi out of the lift, trusting them to stay hidden till help arrived.

You heard them scream out to you as you fell with the lift. You managed to focus and use enough force to slow down the lift so that you didn’t die from the impact. However, the crash was powerful enough to cause broken bones, and you were forced to crawl out with a broken leg and bruises deep enough to bleed. 

So now here you were, helplessly leaning against the wall with a broken leg. You were in a deep hole as you couldn’t move with your leg and were in the direct view of one of the security cameras. It wouldn’t take long for Fox to find you and finish the job. 

You were right as Fox was the one who stood before you, silent and ready to shoot you with his blaster. 

“I must say, my dear detective. You are one of the most dangerous foes I have ever faced. You would have made a powerful Sith and an ally with that kind of intelligence. It is a pity this game has to end this soon,” Palpatine’s voice came through the speaker. 

You grinned while breathing heavily from the pain. “Maybe… too bad I enjoy the thrill of exposing evil,” 

You heard him chuckle. “Your efforts were admirable. Perhaps it will be a beautiful irony to have you killed by your own dear partner. Do not worry… I shall remember this game with fondness,” he stated. 

A dry chuckle escaped you. “If you wanted to make this ironic, you should have allowed him to kill me as himself. I do not enjoy this silence,” You glanced at Fox. “Fox. If you’re in there, please say something, lecture me even so I can know it is you and not some meat droid the civies see you as,” you dramatically pleaded. 

“I’m afraid all he could think about is following the order through. Prepare to eliminate her, commander,” Palpatine ordered, making Fox aim at you. 

“One more thing!” You raised your hand. “If you allow it chancellor… I wish to see Fox face-to-face when I die. I want the last thing I see to be the face of my dear partner, not some soldier who thinks like a droid. Please, I will even beg if you grant my wish.” You gripped your hands together. 

“Very well. For entertaining me, I shall honor this one wish. Remove your helmet, commander,” Palpatine said. 

Fox then used his one hand to remove his helmet. He then looked at you with cold and disregarding eyes as he aimed his blaster at you. 

“Now that’s a more pleasant sight…” You smiled. 

Fox then aimed at you, the red dot hovering above your head. 

“Any last words, detective?” Palpatine questioned. 

“Only this one thing for my dear partner,” You looked Fox in the eye. “Fox… I know this won’t be over,” You muttered. 

“Eliminate her, commander,” 

Fox then pulled the trigger. The shot echoed across the corridor, allowing Palpatine to see through the security camera as your body slummed against the wall after the shot. He could see blood form around you and could not sense any spark of life within you through the force. He grinned at his victory. 

“Sir, Senator Amidala, and Chuchi have been found. What shall we do with them?” One of the guardsmen asked through the comlink. Palpatine saw them through one of the cameras, the two women were horrified after seeing your death. 

“Execute them for aiding the traitor,” He ordered. 

“The Jedi are coming. What shall we do with them?” Mas Amedda asked as they could see LAAT fighters nearing the Senate building. 

“Had the emergency call been sent to them?” Palpatine asked. 

“Yes,” Amedda nodded. 

“Then we shall deliver the news that the treacherous detective (Name) (Lastname) has been eliminated and the misfortune that the Senators Amidala and Chuchi did not survive the vicious attack,” Palpatine stood up from his chair. 

“What about the guards now that their chips have been activated?” Amedda asked as they began leaving. 

“Do not worry. If the Kaminoans kept their promises, the Coruscant Guard shall remain loyal even after activating their inhibitor chips. It is more important that the chips in the grand army remain prepared for order 66, and this incident remains as a treacherous attack against the Republic,” Palpatine explained as they left the senate building. 

As they waited at the platform, Palpatine sensed Anakin’s presence and grinned within his mind as the death of Padme would allow him the opportunity to turn Skywalker to the path of the dark side. He mildly thanked you for the opportunity and prepared as the clones and many Jedi masters jumped out of the ships. 

“Jedi masters. I am so glad you are here. I am saddened to—” Palpatine prepared his speech but then he was interrupted by Master Windu. 

“Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine. You are arrested for your treachery against the Republic and conspiracy against the Jedi,” Mace Windu declared, causing Palpatine to stare at them with widened eyes. 

“Treachery? What on earth…” Palpatine backed away. 

“We have the evidence!” Bail Organa pointed at him. “Detective (Lastname) provided all the evidence needed to prove your identity as the Sith lord and the truth of the inhibitor chips. We also know the detective along with Senator Amidala came to confront you. “ He added. 

“Then suddenly we get an emergency call of a detective trying to assassinate the chancellor and senator Amidala,” Mace Windu said. 

“Where is she?” Anakin looked around. 

“This… this is a vile accusation! I would never… ” Palpatine was interrupted by a familiar voice. 

“Anakin!” Yelled Padmed as she ran out of the building with Chuchi and other Coruscant guards behind her.

“Padme. Are you hurt?” Anakin asked as she embraced him. 

“It was all true. Palpatine is the man behind all of this. He ordered the Coruscant guard to attack us to keep us silenced,” she explained. “And detective (Name).... she was,” Chuchi said sorrowfully. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Amedda uttered. Suddenly the guardsmen around them pointed their weapons at him and Palpatine. 

“Grand Vizier Amedda, Supreme Chanchelor Palpatine. You are arrested for treason against the Republic and attempted murder of detective (Lastname), Senator Amidala, and Senator Chuchi,” Thire pointed his blaster at them. 

“Okay. What is going on?” Anakin asked in confusion. 

“Oh, the maker! That went better than I expected!” A voice called out. 

Everyone turned to look as Fox walked out of the building, carrying you on his back. Your broken leg was put into a cast and you grinned while waving Fox’s helmet in your hand. 

“Thought… it would have been much better if you guys showed up much sooner,” You added as Padme and Chuchi looked at you with shock. 

“(Name)? You’re alive?!” Padme exclaimed. 

“Of course I’m alive. I’m just too great to die that easily,” You said, causing Fox to roll his eyes at you. 

“How is this possible?! We all saw you get shot in the head!” Amedda demanded. 

“Oh, that?” You touched your forehead which was untouched. “Yeah, this dumbass was supposed to go easy on me,” You ruffled Fox’s hair who only scoffed at your dramatic. “But to answer your question… I focused enough force to prevent the bullet from hitting me but make it believable enough to look like I was shot. It’s an old trick I used to trick a dangerous crime syndicate into thinking I’m dead,” You explained with a smile. 

“Still one of your worst tricks to this day,” Fox uttered. 

“Anyway, I hope the evidence and my witnesses are satisfied enough to arrest our good chancellor for his crimes?” You looked at the Jedis. 

“Indeed… since it seems the Coruscant Guard were in the scheme as well,” Plo Koon pointed out. 

“We had the chips removed once (Name) showed us the proof. We apologize for the trouble senators,” Stone said beside Padme and Chuchi. 

“It’s alright, commander, but why didn’t you tell us that Fox and the other guards were not under Palpatine’s control?” Padme asked, looking at you. 

“We needed solid proof and witnesses as I exposed him, and I thought it was clear by how they missed on purpose when they were shooting at us,” You answered.  

“They did?” Padme looked more confused. 

“I believe we have seen and heard enough. Commander, arrest these men,” Mace Windu ordered. 

“With pleasure,” Thire said as he and the rest of the guard took care of cuffing Palpatine and his advisor. 

“This is an outrage. I was set up!” Palpatine tried to explain as he and Amedda were taken on the ships. 

“Shut up. You are going behind bars for a long time,” Thire pushed him forward. Mace Windu turned toward you. “I will make sure our good chancellor will not try to escape,” He said, joining the guards on the ships. 

“Bye! Bye!” You waved as they began leaving. Palpatine only glared at you till he was out of sight.

You hopped off Fox’s back and held onto him for support as Master Yoda, Plo Koon, Kenobi, and Skywalker stood before you and the senators. 

“Great service, you have done for the Republic and the Jedi. However, your plan. Reckless, it was,” Yoda stated. 

“With all due respect, Master Yoda. When have my plans not been reckless?” You grinned. “And besides… I was not alone,” You glanced at Fox. 

“Now that we know the truth about the inhibitor chips. I suggest we start removing them from the rest of the clones to ensure that whatever Palpatine had planned will never come to fruition,” Kenobi said. 

“Indeed. We should also investigate the Kaminoans as they had been involved with this plot along with Count Dooku,” Plo Koon nodded. 

“You know, (Name). The Jedi Order could use your skills further to solve this war,” Kenobi looked toward you. 

“I already did most of the work. You can handle the rest, and besides I’m very happy with my current job,” You replied. 

“Very well. We should then start with removing the chips,” Kenobi stated. 

“We should reveal this to the Senate. They should hear all that Palpatine had done and that it was he who orchestrated the war,” Padme said. “This should allow us an opportunity to open peace talks with the Separatists as they had also been fooled into this war,” She added. 

“I can’t believe he was the Sith all along…” Anakin uttered. 

“Nah. Don’t blame yourself. He was good enough to fool me for a while until Fives came to my door and gave me the right clues to start digging. I guess we can finally close this case and say we have finished what he started,” You slapped your hands together. 

“(Name), will you be willing to testify in front of the Senate?” Padme turned toward you.  

“You have Chuchi for that, or you can ask the rest of the guard. I just wanna rest for a while, and perhaps rest my broken leg,” You pointed at the cast on your leg. 

“I will call a shuttle to take you to the hospital. “ Organa said. “Lovely,” You smiled. 

Padme turned toward Chuchi. “We should get started gathering the evidence and prepare our speech with the senate. “ She said. Chuchi nodded. “Yes. Let’s do that,”

The senators then began discussing among themselves as the Jedi masters left to handle the rest of the tasks, minus Anakin, who wanted to stay with his wife. You had an intuition that he might leave the order for her after the war is solved. 

“Hey, Rex,” Fox said, and the clone captain looked at him. 

“I just… wanted to say I’m sorry for shooting Fives,” Fox said. 

“It’s alright, Fox. Thanks for making sure his death was not in vain,” He nodded and left with Skywalker and the two women. 

You looked at Fox. “How do you feel now that this is over?” 

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I am glad that he’s locked up and we possibly avoided the worst, but I don’t know how to think,” 

“What if we didn’t remove the chips and I actually shot you dead?” He questioned, looking at you. 

“Then it's good that we were smarter than that,” You patted his shoulder. 

“I’m serious, (Name). I do not think I would have been able to live with myself if I killed you,” Fox said seriously. 

You looked at him softly. “Oh, Fox. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Like I said before I rather have you kill me as yourself, not as some soldier who thinks like a droid. And come on, you should know me. I would have never allowed myself to die that easily,” You said. 

“But even as myself I could never kill you,” He uttered. 

“I know… but guess what? We can take a long break now that we put the evil behind bars. “ You grinned. “You definitely could use some time out from this city,” You added. 

“I do not think vacation is that easy for me,” He said. 

“I have my ways, darling. “ You grinned as the shuttle arrived to take you to the hospital. 

“Will you at least accompany me to the hospital? I will get lonely,” You teased, causing him to roll his eyes at you again. He then smiled with a soft look. “Fine,” He said, helping you in the shuttle as you were taken to the hospital where you two spent a peaceful respite after such a long night.

[tennessoui]

"Sidious is trying to turn him completely into an uncaring death machine but his padawan is also insinuating that he’s going to cut his hair and go for a romantic walk in the gardens of coruscant with Quinlan fucking Vos. Total evilness has got to wait." LOL. I like how Obi-Wan's simultaneously torturing 3 Sith: Anakin, Sidious, and Dooku (who I am assuming has to hear about it from Sidious during what is supposed to be *Dooku's* annual evil performance review).

[in reference to this post about obi-wan and anakin in "hold my heart more gently than you do my throat"]

it's what throat fic obi-wan deserves <3 most hated jedi in all the galaxy by all the sith (except for one, who is just off his rocker about him. debatably worse)

in the original throat fic, i really wanted to have the main "present" storyline be about how obi-wan was kidnapped by darth maul or something because maul is fascinated by the amount darth vader clearly cares about this kid. and then anakin like. cuts him into little pieces in front of obi-wan who, obviously, has never seen so much blood lmao

but the prompt did call for anakin being captured and obi-wan rescuing him and i'd already gotten attached to talking about melida/daan framed as obi-wan is in trouble/away and anakin goes to him to bring him back so i liked the idea of obi-wan rescuing him for the "present" part of the fic.

but man imagine if darth maul had captured obi-wan. obi-wan suddenly is torturing 4 sith just because maul can't stand him and his smart mouth and also how slippery he is. and then master skywalker kills him. brutally. and, par for the course, bloodily