#no mourners. no funerals. / promo.

[crowshoots]

tumblr forgot my tags, so here's me trying to place them all back down again

[lilisouless]

sorry, i know you are sick of my self promo already but i am still copping, i am not feeling okay like the rest of the world

Chapter 1.

Alina peppersprays Mal´s face

Alina drives a tied up Mal and threatens him with a taser

Chapter 2

Kaz steals Alina´s car keys

Genya, affectionately, calls Mal a cheap whore

Morozov almost rolls over Alina with his car

Chapter 3

Alina takes tea with Colm

Mal ask Alina to a "no date" and says goodbye before forgeting he never asked where she is staying

Morozov reveals his magic to Alina, who runs away the second the turns his back

Chapter 4

Alina believes she must be on a prank or gasligthing tv show , so she asks Mal to take off his shirt to search for a mic, then quickly stops him cause "i am not giving those pigs some fanservice material"

Mal licks a piece of a statue to prove what material it´s make off

Alina makes a list of the citizens she met-the characters they may be playing and Kaz´s section is:

- Karl Baz Klark Vanz    Kaz (written by Mal)- unknown (altought he might be Shrek) 

Chapter 5

Alina and Mal break into Kaz & Zoya´s house, they are busted because they took two candies from a jar and Zoya has them counted

In Kaz´s room, they find a note in a drawer while he is absent: ”Looking throught my stuff, Miss Starvoka,That´s a dissapointment, i was expecting better from you PS: If Oretsev is with you, tell him that from him i didn't expect better"

They find a wand that turns out to be a bubble bottle in Kaz´s hiddings

Chapter 6

(Simplified) Morozov: And Alina, this is very important, don't say a word of this to Mal (cut) Mal: not a word to Mal?!

Mal chases a fox that has Alina´s keys on it´s mouth

Mal encounters Baghra being the bitchy old lady she is (aka he gets insulted and hit with a cane a lot)

Chapter 7

Alina has lunch with Ohval but she fears the food is poisoned so she has to throw it in plants or under her shirt

Mal throws himself in the fountain and cuts his pants into shorts to prove he doesn’t have microphones

Morozov has to force himself to awkwardly and reclutantly hug Mal as a thank you for helping Ulla (both are completely disgusted)

Chapter 8

Kaz steals a watch from a dead man in his funeral

Zoya offering her lawyer services to the widowed woman while she is crying on the same funeral

Alina sticks her hand on the corpse’s mouth to make sure it’s real

Chapter 9

Kaz gets in a fight by saying a “your mother” joke

Mal and Alina being jealous from a distance , so unsubtle that Ulla only can look in disappointment

The names shown on the graves: Per Haskell, Dominik Vertov, Ylva Brum, Jordie Rietveld,Wylan Hendriks,Isaak Andreyev , a triple thombstone

Chapter 10

Alina stealing food from a funeral,then Hanne also stealing some from Mila

Mila stabbing a raggedy mouse chanting “bad Zak,bad Zak”

Hanne making a flower crown for Mila

(More things happen but i consider them too serious to call them random shit)

Chapter 11

First thing Nina does after being freed, is dolling herself up in the mirror

Kaz taking care of a drunk Zoya

Ivan and Fruszi being disgusted of having to act like a couple and finding a loophole so they don’t have to kiss

[meinliiedarchived]

GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! WE HAVE ALL THE DREGS GATHERED AT LAST!!! 

@astrificare @demijn @sharpshoots @ghezenblessed​ @stagnantsaints​

[dreamertrilogys]

promo for @kerchonline

                                                    no mourners, no funerals.

[finishinglinepress]

FLP POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: Sandalwood-Scented Skeletons by Rhea Dhanbhoora

TO ORDER GO TO: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/sandalwood-scented-skeletons-by-rhea-dhanbhoora/ RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Rhea lives and writes in Upstate NY. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in various publications including Chronogram, Peripheries Journal, Capsule Stories, The Spill, and JMWW. She’s currently on the Board for literary organization, Quiet Lightning, and is working on several projects, among which is a linked collection of stories about women, based in the same Parsi Zoroastrian diaspora featured in this debut chapbook. Follow her work at rheadhanbhoora.com.

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR Sandalwood-Scented Skeletons by Rhea Dhanbhoora

When you enter Rhea Dhanbhoora‘s artfully composed universe of these twenty poems, you will find received forms like the pantoum, those in nonce forms, excellent prose poems, and one of my favorite sestinas of this century. You will know that you are experiencing a new master of observation, investigation, and mystery in her poetry. She knows when to be tender with an edge:

Silk scarf stinking of sandalwood

swaying pretty to

hide the smile on my odd face.

and when to be political:

it is not a country I have left behind, but a colony on the brink of extinction.

Dhanbhoora opens her collection with the line, “There are words people like me will hear that you don’t know” and takes us to a world “slipping in and out of global consciousness,” of “once-flushed fires,” of “a maladjusted minority struggling for space,” of “menacing warmth from the soughing of the wind,” “where invisible is better than seen,” where “some vulture carries memories through the sky in its belly.” When you read Rhea’s work, you must be ready to do as she asks, to “pick a place to watch the beginning of the end.” And you must be hungry because her words are truly “food, flowers, bodies — ready to be devoured.”

–Kevin Dublin, author of “How to Fall in Love in San Diego”

Thoughtful, soulful, beautiful, and thorough, Sandalwood-Scented Skeletonsvoices the diasporic existence of an ethnoreligious minoritized speaker. Rhea Dhanbhoora exhibits mastery of imagery with her rich references to the smells and textiles associated with Parsi Zoroastrian culture. From the funereal to the whimsical, Sandalwood-Scented Skeletons is a savory collection of poetry.

–DeMisty D. Bellinger, author of “Peculiar Heritage” and “Rubbing Elbows”

Rhea Dhanbhoora’s poetry sings with longing. Her delicate intertwining of gorgeous lyricism and raw storytelling paint vivid pictures of a world that is slipping away, and taking her identity with it. Dhanbhoora is a historian, an archeologist, a mourner—a collector of memories and images that stay with us long after we finish reading.

–Hannah Grieco, author of “So You Don’t Hear Me” (Summercamp Publishing, 2021)

Poems of longing and questioning, of identity, biology, home, charged as the ring around a flame.

–Ashley Mayne, author

Please share/please repost [PROMO]#flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry

[mazzystargirl]

if you die from a bullet or someone's left hook no mourners, no funerals it passes as good luck

[drusjan]

❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    posts   . ❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    psa   . ❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    recommendations   . ❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    self promo   . ❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    liveblogs   . ❪    𝐢.    ❫                   out of character‚    saved   .

❪    𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   countenance‚    danielle galligan   . ❪    𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   aesthetic‚    corpsewitch   . ❪    𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   study‚    call me death   . ❪    𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   romance‚    let me drown in your ocean   .

❪    𝐢𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   headcanon / meta‚    the queen of mourning   .

❪    𝐢𝐯.    ❫                   writings‚    the waters will wash away my pain   .

❪    𝐯.    ❫                   shadow and bone‚    war made me a soldier   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   six of crows‚    no mourners‚    no funerals   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   crooked kingdom‚    and i would do anything for love   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   king of scars‚    running with the wolves   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   rule of wolves‚    tba   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   modern‚    hearts in trouble   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   undecided‚    ?   . ❪    𝐯.    ❫                   may the tides bring you back to me   .     (   betraeyer   )

❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   kaz brekker‚     the legend.   the myth   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   inej ghafa‚     the wraith.   a whisper   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   wylan van eck‚     it’s time to blow them up   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   matthias helvar‚     twin souls.   like one flame   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   hanne brum‚     a second chance at love   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   zoya nazyalensky‚     fear is a phoenix   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   shufire‚     a fire that never stops burning   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   nikolai lantsov‚     for my king.   for my country   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   betraeyer‚     if i fix you‚    would you hate me   ? ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   pistolslinger‚     two mourners‚    no more funerals   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   icepromised‚     if i let you go‚    please always come back   . ❪    𝐯𝐢.    ❫                   builtmyth‚     without him‚    we wouldn’t be here   .

❪    𝐯𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   matthias‚     only in death will i be kept from this oath   . ❪    𝐯𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   hanne‚     there’s never been a moment where you weren’t beautiful   . ❪    𝐯𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   zoya‚     there is always a part of me that is only whole with you   . ❪    𝐯𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   regulus‚     even from the bottom of the ocean‚   i will bring you home   . ❪    𝐯𝐢𝐢.    ❫                   the crows‚     home is where your heart is   .

[ncfan-1]

Gotham 04X20, ‘That Old Corpse’

This week: grave-robbing and presumed Jekyll and Hyde antics. This is Gotham.

- Episode hasn’t quite started yet, and I’m already wondering what the inevitable scene between Lee and Jim in the precinct is going to be like. Why doesn’t she just claim she was a hostage, anyways?

- Since the preview showed Ed burning the deeds, I do wonder how this is going to come back later. Logically, those weren’t the only copies of the deeds, but still…

- We open on some impromptu memorial service for Jerome. “Second time’s the charm” is actually a pretty good inscription for his headstone; I think he’d approve. A funeral-crasher shows up with a message: dig up the coffin.

- Oh, look, the Jim-Lee melodrama has arrived. “What can I do?” Oh, come on, Jim, don’t pretend you don’t think the law only works for the people you think it should.

- Why is Harvey the one pointing out that Lee’s robbery was semi-justifiable this week when it was Jim pointing out something similar last week about dirty banks while Harvey was being the hardass?

- Jim and Lee have it out; Lee’s strikes are clearly hitting home.

- A “present” from Jerome shows up. There’s a video. A VHS instead of a DVD, further obfuscating what time period this is supposed to be in. Jerome informs him some goons are heading for the precinct for a “wake”… just as they show up.

- Will Lee take advantage of the chaos to escape?

- A car shows up with Jerome’s casket.

- Back at the Narrows, Ed and Lee’s goons are discussing how to break Lee out. Their group seems to be on a collision course with the “mourners.”

- They’re using Jerome’s casket as a battering ram. That’s just absurd enough to be mildly hilarious. This show’s really at its best when it embraces three things. A) Camp. B) Black humor. C) General morbidity. When it embraces all of these things at once, you understand.

- Who wrote this episode, by the way? I haven’t seen enough to know if it’s halfway decent (and the inconsistencies in Jim and Harvey’s positions is a warning sign if ever I saw one), but it’s been decently well-paced so far. Is this another Ben McKenzie script?

- Jim’s plan is… I’m not a tactical genius, but it actually sounds okay.

- Bruce and Jeremiah are in their maze. I’m wondering when Mr. Hyde is going to come out to play and leave our Dr. Jekyll in the dark.

- Jeremiah is flipping through Jerome’s diary. Bruce looks appropriately disturbed and appropriately concerned. I hate he’s going to go over the edge so quickly, because he and Bruce have a fairly sweet dynamic.

- Alfred is heading around Wayne Manor with a gun, apparently having heard a disturbance, only to get ambushed off-screen. I’m assuming by Jerome’s people.

- Jeremiah tells Bruce about getting gassed. Well, I’m glad that for once the little communication issue of people refusing to tell other people vital information was side-stepped.

- Bruce suggests going to where Jerome’s buried to prove that he’s dead and give Jeremiah a little piece and mind. Boy, is that going to be an unpleasant experience.

- It’s Operation Unruly Clown in the precinct. Just before all hell breaks loose, Jim and Lee have one last little exchange. I wonder if Jim is at all affected by this.

- Lee gets knocked out. Oh, the drama. Oh, the half-baked drama that I’m sure won’t lead to glurgey EdxLee scenes later.

- Jim faces off against some of Jerome’s people in the locker room. Harvey and Harper ambush them, and Jim apparently decides to have a good old-fashioned fist fight with the head goon.

- Gotta say, now that I don’t care about what’s happening anymore, it’s a lot easier to just be Zen about all this. Like, the bad writing still irritates me, but I think it’s going to take a lot more for me to get properly angry.

- Is that… Is that a pool of blood in the kitchen? Wow, I actually feel a little sorry for Alfred.

- Jeremiah desperately wants to bolt out of the cemetery. He’s twitchy as hell, poor guy. I actually feel sorry for him, now; now that they’re being more upfront about the fact that he’s not well, it’s easier to sympathize with him.

- Jeremiah sees Jerome’s exhumed grave, screams “He’s alive!” and runs away. Honestly, that is probably the most sensible thing anyone’s ever done in the history of this show.

- Oswald tries to eat his lunch, only for Butch to be an asshole and steal his food straight off his plate. Butch… You radiate anti-sympathy waves. Why do you expect me to feel sorry for you?

- Why is Oswald reduced to robbing liquor stores for income? Doesn’t he have more resources than that?

- I’m just waiting for Ed and Co. to show up. Where are they?

- Oh, great, police brutality. Again.

- The little gag of rogues opening the back of the van while that one guy yells “X! We’re saved!” is kinda funny, I’ll admit. Especially when Oswald just motions for Butch to grab one of them.

- Lee wakes up in the precinct while the orgy’s going on. She’s probably concussed, so I wonder how well she’s gonna do. No charming your way out this situation when it’s all you can do not to fall over, throw up, and pass out.

- Jeremiah has apparently run into a crypt. Suddenly, I’m beginning to understand why people ship Batman and the Joker. …I never wanted to be in this position.

- Jeremiah seems to think Bruce… is Jerome. Given how paranoid he seems to be even at the best of times, I can actually buy this as being plausible.

- Back to the orgy. Ed Nygma is dressed as a clown, and we learn the casket is full of liquor bottles.

- Lee ambushes him and hits him with a can that makes a satisfyingly metallic clang. I laughed.

- Jim shows up at the maze. And seems to have no trouble navigating it without Jeremiah’s help, further giving the lie to the idea that he’s any kind of expert maze-builder.

- Jerome’s followers just left his body sitting out by the exhumed grave… and nobody noticed it until now??? What?????

- The harlequin from the opening scene has a gun to Jim’s head while he watches the video Jerome left… until someone reaches from off-screen and throttles him. That’s interesting.

- Is it Ecco under that mask? What’s her involvement with all this?

- It is Ecco. What’s with this?

- Jim turns his attention back to the window, where it turns out the throttling thing was just a theatrical thing. Back to proper programming.

- Jerome’s followers show up and separate Jeremiah and Bruce (Good thing, too; I doubt Bruce is skilled enough with headlock safety to keep from hurting him). The part where Jeremiah wipes his face with a handkerchief to show his now-naturally white skin is another homage to the 1989 Batman film; we’ve been seeing a lot of those this season, haven’t we? Well, I’ll give them this much; when it comes to other Batman homages, they’ve got decent taste.

- Cameron Monaghan’s great.

- I wonder if Jeremiah is going to be to Bruce in this continuity what Harvey Dent is to Bruce in the DCAU. It would make a fair amount of sense.

- The mask of madness, huh? Somehow, I doubt that very much.

- Jeremiah: “To truly build something, you must tear down what’s already there.”

- Jim’s left locked in the room with the overloading generators. And apparently they work pretty well as bombs.

- Just before the GCPD can storm the clinic, the first of the generators explodes. The one in the maze, apparently. How the fuck did Jim get out of the blast zone in time, because I seriously doubt this show has the guts to kill him—especially since we see him in promo shots for future episodes, apparently unharmed. The blast zone is supposed to have a radius of a mile (Jeremiah said you didn’t want to be anywhere within a mile of it), and there’s no way Jim could have gotten that far away in time. Also, I’d bet the explosion would be enough to make the ceiling collapse, so logically, he should be deader than disco.

- Bruce gets tossed in the grave with Jerome’s corpse. Christ, poor kid’s gonna have a stroke when he wakes up.

- Oswald is interrogating Jerome’s head goon.

- Butch, all you have to do to look normal is to get a spray-on tan and hair dye. I don’t feel remotely sorry for you.

- Oswald calls it a “tale of woe.” Bless you, Oswald.

- Glurgey EdxLee scene is glurgey. That is all.

- And cue the tear gas! Well, I guess that’s one way to break up an orgy.

- Ed and Lee watching those guys escaping down the fire escape is a decent scene, though.

- Last scene is Jeremiah at Wayne Research. With Ecco. Is anyone ever going to explain what the deal is with Ecco. And don’t just give me that “She’s Harley” crap and try to leave it there. I want an explanation that isn’t lazy. Why is she like this?

[rudycurlss]

tags

❛  pinned

❛  mains call

❛  plotting call

❛  starter call

❛  ooc   ›   music. numbers. equations.

❛  self promo   ›   marketable skills‚ merchling. marketable skills

❛  promo   ›   but they were his friends‚ his only friends

❛  writings   ›   no mourners‚ no funerals

❛  headcanon   ›   not all poisons have an antidote

❛  ramblings   ›   not all poisons have an antidote

❛  desires   ›   i’d like to make a down payment

❛  appearance   ›   that’s our fresh-faced runaway merchling

❛  art   ›   that’s our fresh-faced runaway merchling

❛  study   ›   you’re letting shame decide who you are

❛  crack   ›   wylan van crack

❛  aesthetic   ›   it was a calculated risk

❛  dashboard   ›    ghezen and his works!

❛  prompts   ›   there is so much in life you don’t have to be afraid of

❛  inbox   ›   the leg was asking for it

❛  keepsakes   ›   why run from the amazing things you can do?

❛  shitpostery   ›   be still‚ little bumble bee

❛  queue   ›   times like that bring out the best in some people

❛  relations   ›   jesper fahey

❛  relations   ›   kaz brekker

❛  relations   ›   inej ghafa

❛  relations   ›    nina zenik

❛  relations   ›   matthias helvar

❛  relations   ›   jan van eck

❛  relations   ›   marya hendriks

❛  the crows   ›   these would have been the people he chose

[bangkokjacknews]

The Weekend Mystery - Will the real Paul McCartney please stand up?

Did the famous ex-Beatle really die in a car crash back in 1966?

On 12 October 1969, Tom Zarski rang the ‘Uncle’ Russ Gibb’s radio show on WKNR-FM in Dearborn, Michigan, and announced that Paul McCartney had been killed in an accident in November 1966 and the Beatles had drafted in a lookalike to keep the band fully functioning. He backed up his argument with several pieces of credible circumstantial evidence, including the decision by the band in 1967 to stop playing live in order to concentrate on their studio recordings and film work. Russ Gibb was so intrigued by the story that he then spent two hours on air mulling over the clues and playing Beatles records. When one caller urged him to play ‘Revolution 9’ (from The White Album) backwards, Gibb was amazed to find he could distinctly make out the words ‘Turn me on, dead man’ through his headphones. Despite the fact that Zarski had pointed out he didn’t actually believe Paul McCartney was dead, he was just interested in the theory, by the end of the programme networks across the United States were discussing the mysterious death of one of the world’s most famous rock stars and the events surrounding his demise. Hundreds of news journalists promptly flew to London and interviewed as many of the conspiracy theorists they could find, and from the reports that followed the only certainty is that many of them were experimenting with LSD, as none of it made much sense at all. The story ran that on the evening of Tuesday 8 November 1966 Paul McCartney and John Lennon were working late into the night on the Beatles’ upcoming album Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band when a row developed over recording techniques and McCartney stormed out of the studio. Furious, he sped off in his Aston Martin and smashed into a van, dying instantly. The resulting fire prevented the coroner from positively identifying the body but the remaining band members were left in no doubt at all that McCartney had not survived. Another caller to Russ Gibb’s show claimed that McCartney had picked up a hitchhiker called Rita that night. When she suddenly realized who he was, she had screamed and lunged at her hero, causing him to crash into the van. Neither Rita nor the other driver were ever seen or heard from again. The public mourned as shock in but there was one unavoidable question: if McCartney had died in 1966, who was the man that looked like Paul and who had been hanging out with the Beatles ever since? The explanation ran that Beatles manager Brian Epstein was so horrified at the thought of the world’s most successful band breaking up that he held secret auditions and persuaded John, George and Ringo to have all their photographs taken with a stand-in to keep the public unaware of the accident. When Epstein died only nine months later, after a battle with depression and drug abuse, his untimely demise was cited as another piece of evidence. It was said that he just couldn’t come to terms with the loss of McCartney. The Paul-is-dead mystery was also conveniently used to explain McCartney’s sudden split from long-term fiancée Jane Asher (because McCartney stand-in William Shears Campbell didn’t like her) and that his new relationship with Linda Eastman (later McCartney) was Campbell’s real love interest. Another piece of supposedly compelling evidence is that for several years the other three Beatles had wanted to stop playing live shows because the audiences were screaming so loudly they couldn’t could hear anything, but McCartney had resisted. With Paul gone, the remaining three could do as they pleased – indeed the Beatles had last performed live on 29 August 1966, at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, and played no more live concerts after that. Conspiracy theorists nodded and agreed that it all made perfect sense, while others, including the Beatles, laughed it off as a ridiculous urban legend. And still the story continued. One American radio presenter had photographs of the singer before and after November 1966 scientifically compared and found there were obvious differences, one being that the nose was of a different length. A doctor from the University of Miami analysed voice recordings and concluded publicly that the recordings prior to August 1966 were different to those recorded afterwards. Paul McCartney, he claimed, did not sing on Beatles records after August 1966. By now fans all over the world were beginning to look for their own clues in Beatles music and album covers, and the clues turned up in spades. Here then are some of them, and the evidence seemingly pointing to the fact that Paul McCartney was dead. Sgt Pepper was the first album the Beatles released after the supposed accident, after recording began on 6 December 1966. When it reached the shops in June 1967, nobody noticed anything unusual about the artwork in connection with the Paul McCartney mystery, but in 1969 conspiracy theorists were able to detect a range of coded references to Paul’s demise. For a start the band appear to be standing at a graveside complete with flowers and wreaths. They are surrounded by famous personalities, who could be mourners, and one of them is holding an open hand above McCartney’s head, said to be a traditional Eastern symbol for death. The theorists looked closer and concluded that the yellow flowers at the foot of the picture are arranged in the shape of a left-handed bass guitar, Paul’s instrument, and one of the four strings is missing, signifying his absence. Under the doll’s arm on the right hand side there appears to be a blood-stained driving glove and the doll itself has a head wound similar to the one Paul was supposed to have died from and he is wearing a badge on his sleeve on the inside cover bearing the letters OPD, standing for ‘Officially Pronounced Dead’. The open-palm gesture actually appears on the front cover of Revolver, twice in the Magical Mystery Tour booklet, twice in the Magical Mystery film and twice on the cover of the original Yellow Submarine sleeve, but, in reality, none of it means anything at all. There is no such gesture in Indian culture symbolizing death. The badge Paul is wearing on the inside sleeve does not read ‘OPD’, it has the initials OPP on it. The badge was in fact given to McCartney when he visited the Ontario Provincial Police in Canada during the Beatles’ world tour in 1965. A statue of Kali, a Hindu goddess, also features on the front cover of the Sgt Pepper album, which the theorists maintain represents rebirth and regeneration, hinting that one of the Beatles has been reborn, or replaced. But Kali, from which the name of Calcutta is believed to derive, has traditionally been a figure of annihilation, representing the destructive power of time (kala being the Sanskrit word for ‘time’) Also, the ‘O’ shaped arrangement of flowers at end of the band’s name has caused some theorists to speculate that the whole thing reads ‘BE AT LESO’ instead of ‘BEATLES’. This was taken as a sign that Paul was buried at Leso, the Greek Island the band had supposedly bought. But none of the Beatles had bought a Greek island and there is no such place as Leso. There are many more pieces of ‘convincing’ evidence. I’ve just picked out some of my favourites. The Beatles all grew moustaches at the time to help mask a scar on the lip of McCartney stand-in William Shears Campbell. In fact McCartney did grow a moustache for Sgt Pepper as he was unable to shave at the time. Paul had fallen off his scooter on his way to visit his aunt and split his lip on a pavement, making it too painful to shave. He also lost a front tooth in the accident, explaining why he appears in the ‘Rain’ and ‘Paperback Writer’ promo videos missing one of his teeth. The accident also explains the scars seen during the White Album photograph sessions. The number plate on the VW Beetle shown on the Abbey Road cover reads LMW 281F, taken to mean Paul would have been 28 ‘IF’ he had survived. But Paul would have been only twenty-seven, and the VW Beetle had nothing to do with anyone at Abbey Road. The director of the photo sessions tried to have it towed away, but the police took too long to arrive so they went ahead with the picture anyway, leaving it in shot. McCartney is wearing no shoes in the Abbey Road photograph. His explanation was: ‘It was a hot day and I wanted to take my shoes off, to look slightly different to the others. That’s all that was about. Now people can tell me apart from the others.’ But the conspiracy theorists swore that the picture had been set up to look like a funeral march, with him as the corpse. On the records Rubber Soul, Yesterday and Today, Help and Revolver there were said to be many more clues. The song ‘I’m Looking Through You’ on Rubber Soul was thought to be about discovering that McCartney had been replaced. Some fans took these blatant ‘clues’ as hard evidence while others quickly realized all of those records were made prior to 9 November 1966 and could not possibly have anything to do with the supposed accident. But with hysteria mounting, even the thinnest clue came to look like definite evidence. In the lyrics to ‘I am the Walrus’, the line ‘stupid bloody Tuesday’ is taken by some to be John Lennon referring to the day of the accident that claimed his band mate. But when it was pointed out the alleged accident was supposed to have happened on a Wednesday morning, conspiracy theorists then claimed it was the Tuesday night that the two of them had fallen out before McCartney had stormed off, and to his death. Some believed it, while others dismissed it as an already thin lead being stretched even thinner. But then came the line ‘waiting for the van to come’, a supposed reference to the ambulance, and ‘goo goo ga joob’ – apparently Humpty Dumpty’s last words before he fell off that wall and bashed his head in, as Paul was supposed to have done. The Beatles themselves very quickly became very irritated by all the speculation. And it was not long before the band, aware every lyric and photo shoot was now being studied, began to play up to the hysteria. After writing one complicated and seemingly meaningless song called ‘Glass Onion’ Lennon remarked, ‘Let the f**kers work that one out.’ But he included the lines ‘Well here’s another clue for you all / The walrus was Paul’. In no time at all, people were announcing the walrus was a symbol of death to some cultures and Lennon despaired. It wasn’t much fun being a Beatle any more and the band broke up soon afterwards. So – to sum up – if the real Paul McCartney had died in his Aston Martin in 1967, and a replacement found in time for the photo shoots for the next album, then imagine the string of coincidences that needed to have taken place. For a start he had to look and sound just like Paul. Then he had to convince Linda or, if she was in on the plot, she had to like him enough to stay married to him for the next thirty years. And he would have had to learn how to play guitar left-handed, which is even less likely, I can assure you. John Lennon would have to have been fooled too, as it is unlikely he would want share song-writing credits and royalties with a stranger for the last three years of Beatles recordings, especially as Epstein wasn’t there to tell him to. And most of all, for the lookalike to have written and recorded songs of a McCartney standard for over thirty years would be hard to imagine. Hang on a minute, I have just remembered ‘The Frog Chorus’ and ‘Mull of Kintyre’, and so my argument is beginning to wear thin, even to me. And another thing – would the real Paul McCartney have married Heather Wills, or whatever her name was? Perhaps Zarski was right after all – there must be an impostor. - Albert Jack Albert Jack AUDIOBOOKS available for download here  

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NO MOURNERS,

                NO FUNERALS.

private & mutuals on JESPER FAHEY & KAZ BREKKER from leigh bardugo’s six of crows duology. promo by monroe. ©

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belated tag dump no.2  !

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tag drop!