#no more sudoku for me ig

[blue-madd]

When you haven't daydreamed correctly in a while and you decide to put your headphones back on for a few hours :

[thepocket221]

I have brought you Finn headcanons!

Finn is part French

He even speaks French!

Somtimes he calls you little names in French

Big Hozier fan

Also a Harry Styles fan

Terrible at combat video games but puzzle and indie games he's good at

Hes a mf old man

He crochetes little sweaters for you and him

Also to mention

He dances in the kitchen with you with the record player on <33

Soft snoring boy

Sleep talker also

Hes surprisingly strong Also

Its cuz He lifts flower pots for a living He says

This is canon but he is a very good cook

He knows all of the best small cafes that aren't very known in town

He is very good with kids!

Hes very awkward at first but then if the kid says, "You have very pretty hair, It's like a princesses hair!" He smiles and let's them play with his hair

One time you walked into him and his nieces doing his makeup

*Finn has bright red lipstick on and blue eyeshadow on with one girl doing his hair and the other doing his makeup*

"Oh hi love!"

The girl doing his makeup: "Quit moving and look at me uncle Finn!"

"Oh I'm sorry!

Ig that's one way to end it-

USER 0lliel0vesfr0gs YOU HAVE THE SAME NAME/NICKNAME AS MY LISTENER FOR FINN I SHIT YOU NOT /pos

ALSO THANK YOU FOR THESE😭🤲🤲 THEYRE ALL SO <333

(usually for hc posts i try to have art i’ve made to go along with it BUT I DONT DRAW FINN ENOUGH <//33 well, i do, but it the scribbles don’t look too well (to me at least) so i do not post them <//3 /lh /nm but until i have finn art i’m proud of:

in return, here are some of my finn hcs!!

on the topic of what type of phone games/games in general he would play: he’s a king at sudoku.

crosswords too!!

he’s so smart, i love him dearly <33

maybe he tried a dating sim once but it did not go well for him

other than that, he definitely would play RPGs (and before ANYONE SAYS IT, based on my personal experience, i’d say finn’s more of an animal crossing fan compared to stardew.) and is the type of guy to overthink the choices he’s given in game. he doesn’t look the answer up, but oh boy is it tempting,, “if i go with this option, it will ruin my relationship with this character :(“ babes they’re not real🫶/lhj

storyteller finn however, would love stardew valley. the mystical aspects would be his favorite.

deadass would forget you can date someone bc of the lore.

anywho, back to garden variety💪🫶‼️

BUFF FINN IS SO TRUE ACTUALLY

i would like to believe he has thick thighs

but may i raise you: muscle chub finn.

somehow is seymour AND audrey as far as personality. idk how he does it but oh sweet heart <//33

also imagine him saying the most cryptic stuff when he’s sleeping. like bro are you just saying words or are you plagued with the murder of someone,, /lhj

i’m also a finn hot freaks fan truther🫶🫶 /pos

maybe he can also play piano

“fuck you joint pain!! i do what i want!!” (his ass did NOT take his pain meds and regrets his decision)

in reference to bunny finn, garden variety finn would have a pretty big family. he’s second oldest

the type of fellow to to squint his eyes, move his glasses down slightly, and bend back a little bit to see something someone’s showing him on their phone

also the type of fellow to never wear shorts unless they’re cargo shorts.

also gives him chronic pain bc i have chronic pain😼

decked out his mobility aide with various stickers gifted to him by his little nieces and nephews

in public he uses a cane and a wheeled walker.

doesn’t use one at work (like a silly goose) and regrets it

definitely forgets his braces as well

has especially terrible wrist, knee, and hip pain

ALSO WHAT IF HE CROCHETED LITTLE SWEATERS AND SCARVES FOR HIS LITTLE NEICES AND NEPHEWS TOO

you can’t tell me he wouldn’t spoil them

also goes to all of their recitals, ball games, award ceremonies, plays, literally any and every after school event. he loves those little goobers and wants to support them!!

also embarrasses the shit out of them as well!!

“hey remember when-” “UNCLE FINN, PLEASE NOT NOW OH GOD IT’S MY GRADUATION”

people who crochet are so cool and epic like actually‼️‼️/g /srs

methinks this is canon but he probably doesn’t have a lot of friends; at max he has 2-3.

jack ofc being his bestie

they have sleepovers you can’t change my mind /lhj /nm

who says i can’t make every character autistic?? i’m the nd doing the coding here!! /pos /lhj

could just be me but he definitely has a male/masc preference

GUYUH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I LOVE TALKING ABT HIM TOO ILL DEFINITELY DRAW HIM MORE🫶🫶

okay that’s it, goodbye and stay safe🫡‼️‼️

[ostianshadow]

TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: vicky (aka key or wkey)

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): jan 6

Where are you from? What is your time zone? french canadian. west coast best coast. pst.

Roleplay experience: idk since i was like 7? running around the neighbourhood w the boyz and gming our own little world of makebelieve… writing/online-wise, since around the age of 10-11 when we got a puter in the living room.

Got any pets? black kitty called cabbage i fostered and then adopted. she's no thoughts head empty and that's why she won over my other 16 foster cats. /hj

Favorite time of year: autumn-ish or spring. don't do well in the heat but sad makes winter bad.

Some interests and things you like: comics&webtoons, puzzle games (picross, sudoku, etc), ultimate frisbee, tennis, hiking, traveling

Some funfacts & trivia about you:

-prefer crepes to pancakes

-don't leave me alone with a box of ice cream sandwiches for the love of-

-past key has cumulatively drawn 500+ comic pages over the years (and misses it dearly)

-used to play ice hockey, played for bout 12 years. stopped due to injuries.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? ffxiv, zelda, tales of, undertale

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: ghost, haunter

How did you get into Fire Emblem? smash bros /j i think my bro acquired a copy of fe7 and the rest is history

What Fire Emblem games have you played? 6 through current

First Fire Emblem game: 7

Favorite Fire Emblem game: hrkkk probably 7 but super fond of sacred stones n path of radiance too

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳

lmao

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?

- Awakening: mightve been chrom by accident n woulda been pissed about it. henry & gaius beloveds

- Fates: conquest- niles, birthright- azama, revelations- kaze

- Three Houses: was it claude or felix? idk but claude is def why i started w deer haha

- Engage: louis and lapis i married both that's my story and im sticking to it

Favorite Fire Emblem class: thief or mage

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? probably an archer, or mage. miss me w close combat

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? hmm… i wanna say deer but probably beagles

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? lyn. long distance pew pew goes brrrrr

How did you find TOA? kept seeing it on twitter from ol ferp mutuals and eventually caved

Current TOA muses: hector, matthew, azama

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? ewan. some days i think i could.

Have you had any other TOA muses? florina, henry

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? prickly, maybe. in general muses that allow me to explore… ewan is more outgoing than i will ever be, but lets himself feel petty or jealous. hector is brash, but struggling with an uncomfortable and unexpected weight on his shoulders. azama invites conflict like he needs it to breathe, while ive typically been averse to conflict. florina is timid but trying to grow stronger for her friends (and herself, she comes to realize). henry is… an oddball, idk how to describe what draws me to writing him. change of pace maybe? requires thinking outside the box with his unique worldview. i dont tend toward angst but matthew is a good output for it if im feelin it haha.

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? i think i like. when threads start to come together. yknow in stories when you can start referring to things that have happened? and you're like "woah wait i know what that's referring to!!"

when you manage to reach a shared history ig? i know im p slow re. writing but i cherish the bonds and overarching/intertwined stories my muses wind up with. people you meet touch your life in ways you might not immediately fathom…

Favorite TOA-related memory: lots of lock & key justice shenanigans… bunker … enjoyed unscripted a whole heck of a lot as well

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔 T-O-A. sounds fancier to spell it out haha

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉 felix, ike, kaze, serra, sain, naesala, ingrid, eldigan, bramimond, lethe, shinon, kliff… not so much delusions as "might be fun to explore…" – and i wouldn't trade our current reps of the above for the world ✌️

[mellow-worlds]

I'm meeting Snoopy tomorrow. I'm meeting Snoopy tomorrow. I'm meeting Snoopy tomorrow. I really don't want to. I'll have to tell them how I feel about whatever it is we're doing and that I'm not ready to form such a commitment with another person and that I really just want to die. I don't want tomorrow to happen. I've been miserable thinking about them and whenever I got a message from them. I don't deserve them.

Most of all, I don't want to hurt them. But in a way, I'd hurt them soonder or later, so I might as well tell them. In order to keep my anguish to the minimum, I'll plan ahead. I'll ask them what it is that we're actually doing. I'll tell them that we've never really talked about it. Then they'll have to respond? I'm guessing that they might try to lead the conversation into a direction that makes it difficult for me to share my feelings, so I'll have to be careful. I'll also tell them, because I should, in order to be fair and honest, that I do really like them, just maybe differently. AAHHHH this makes me realize that they might like me more than is justifiable, and more than I like them. I've never consciously thought about it that way. Anyway. Can't fixate on that or I'll never get anywhere.

I'll tell them that they know how replacable I am. It's the truth. I think that what they realistically value most about me is that there is potential for physical intimacy. Not just in a dirty way, though, even if maybe primarily. But they've made a really big point out of how they feel lonely when falling asleep. I think that's what makes up a big part of what they look for in a person. I don't think I can give them anything else. They have noticed that I'm not very... affectionate? Or devoted? I pull back a lot. And I did enjoy the few kisses we shared. It's just... There's something holding me back. I can't really open myself to them. I can't. We're too different. Our lifestyles are too different. Nothing fits with us two. Nothing is right.

Ok. So. Here's what I'll tell them:

"We've never really talked about it. What really is it, the thing that we're doing."

Then... Ig they'll respond? And I'll cry? I wish I could. Anyway. Then I'll continue.

"We both know that this could turn into something serious and I'm not sure that it's a good idea. I don't think that this is good for either of us. I think that I'm not the person you're looking for."

And I guess that's about all I can plan. After that, everything I talked about earlier will follow.

It's not like I'm breaking up with them. I do want to continue being friends with them and we never went steady in the first place. I do like them. I just hate myself? And they deserve better? And I'm a piece of shit? And they deserve better? And they deserve someone whom they see more frequently than once a week? And they deserve someone who is ready to provide intimacy? And they deserve someone who doesn't think about committing sudoku? And they deserve someone who can provide interesting conversation? And they deserve someone who has the same interests? Someone who doesn't talk about philosophy and literature and movies to them? Someone who wants to do all of the things they do? Someone who is not too insecure to live? Someone who can form cohesive sentences witout stuttering? Someone who is attractive? Someone who doesn't look like a homeless person? Someone lean? Someone who isn't a dick towards their own mother for absolutely no reason? Someone who isn't terrified of meeting their family? Someone who isn't scared of people a lot of the time? Someone who can actually support them? Someone who can idk... give them the things that they look for in a person? Someone who isn't me? Someone better? Someone better? Someone better?

[carcasstohounds]

wild that i’m just doing normal daily activities like i’m not moving out in less than a month

[weedass]

ok got tagged by @yanderelenin thank you i dont think ive ever done one of these...

1. Do you make your own bed?

yes or i just dont make it

2. What’s your favorite number? 7 but 4 is a close second

3.  What’s your job? i work at a movie theater except it’s closed and i got placed in a grocery store job that starts tomorrow

4. Can you parallel park? cant drive (yet, almost there)

5. Job you’ve had that would surprise people? technically my grandpa had this company before he died that made electromagnetic devices that help with healing and inflammation (short explanation) and i had an under the table internship there and it sucked because i hate that side of my family

6. Do you think aliens are real? yeah man

7. Can you drive a manual car? i started learning to drive a while ago and i was technically taught manual but i couldnt really do it so sorta

8. What’s your guilty pleasure? it’s always sunny in philadelphia marathons and video game livestreams

9. Tattoos? getting a jellyfish on my forearm next month for my birthday assuming some places reopen

10. Favorite color? uhh like all of them but probably teal or cyan type colors

11. Things people do that drive you crazy? lying and being fake bitches xo

12. Any phobias? scared of dying i guess and heights....

13. Favorite childhood sport? i danced for ten years (very seriously at one point) but i liked soccer and volleyball more even though i didn’t get to play soccer. i also had a figure skating phase and that was fun too but now im crippled so lol

14. Do you talk to yourself? uhh only really in my head and even then only sometimes

15. What movies do you adore? what kind of wording is this.. “adore” wth. anyways i like ponyo and itsv and pacific rim and then also movies where i can laugh at people that objectively suck like the social network etc

16. Do you like doing puzzles?

yeah i stopped playing minesweeper very briefly to write this and also really love sudoku

17. Favorite kind of music? https://open.spotify.com/user/gov94do66imp87bhb5njr1lt6 it’s traesh

18. Tea or coffee?

neither but if i have to pick probably some kind of sweet tea

19. First thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

how the hell do you expect me to remember that

tagging uhhh @fkawigs1 @6o6 and pretty much anyone who wants to ig im shy and i dont wanna bother anyone

[whispies-iremade]

all multiples of 5 for the ask meme :p

5) glass soda bottles r the preference,, they make me feel classy

10) i was a dodgeball icon bc i have good aim and am strong and can run fast. no one fucked with me. also volleyball but only cuz i played for like 6 years

15) ive never been assigned a specific book to read for an assignment but i will tell you i used to do legitimate book reports on panic at the disco fanfiction

20) laptop google docs is my best friend

25) BUTTONS BY THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS its literally such a sexy song too im so g*y

30) places i find sacred ummm... pretty much any forest-y area that’s somewhat hidden.

35) 10-10:30 pm

putting the rest under a read more fsdhfks

40) uhhhh one time in fifth grade this girl flashed the whole class her lower half

45) omg... ew..... fantasy ig

50) one time me and my best friend did the chubby bunny challenge with mini marshmallows and we both died

55) ummmmm...... sleeping beauty probably.......

60) girls with special powers and homoerotic subtext. lesbians on tumblr would kin me

65) too many..... none are fun stories mostly sh/dad related

70) right

75) my two front teeth were punched out by my friend named roxy when i was five, those are the first ones i remember

80) earth 1000%

85) a healthy mix, but mostly fairy tales

90) omg one time in volleyball i got hit in the face w the ball but it made it over the net so we still got the point

95) fav app...... sudoku

holy shit that was so many asks

THANK U JUMPY

[spilledthoughtsaf]

we spent the weekend doing whatever I wanted. and I feel like saying that, thats what we always do cause she can never choose what to do, but she especially wanted to do anything I wanted for my birthday weekend. so we played mystery games and watched all the pitch perfect movies together. she even got me a gift card so I could finally buy the first one to complete the collection, so we watched them alllll all.

the rest of her presents were delivered on Saturday morning, and of course I cried at just how sweet everything was. sudoku books and a bear, what more do I really need. I guess just to be able to smush all my dang love into her as much as I can when she's here in two weeks I guess.

I ordered these mystery egg things that she likes and I may have gotten too many but honestly anything is worth it for her, I cant wait to open it with her when she's here. and we have plans to get these parm garlic fries from this food truck that I always get them from and show her when I eat them, like the food truck follows me on ig and I messaged them already asking if they would be anywhere while she's here and luckily they'll be in Denver on one of the days, so she'll finally get the fries.

I'm excited, I dont know if these two weeks will go by fast or dragggg. we'll see

[zimmermanns]

uuuuuuuh hi I'm not really sure what I'm doing my kitten died today and I keep going from numb to shaking and sobbing and I don't know I've been following you for a while now and you seem very nice do you have anything positive you can share with me? funny pictures or videos (that hopefully don't involve cats)? I'm sorry if this is weird I'm just not sure what to do or who to talk to

hey sure thing !!! i would direct u towards a tag i have for that but there might be stuff in there you don’t want to see so: some posts and videos that make me happy or laugh and might make you feel better too (honestly just the entire show for the last one lmao)

vine complications ??? the absolute MOVE to get yourself laughing please look some up on youtube!!!!!

some other things that make me feel better when im trying to Deal with something:

john mulaney comedy specials, on loop

if you just want to get your mind off it for a while, what i do is i put on a comedy i’ve seen before in the background and then start doing sudoku (or like a crossword puzzle or like a puzzle app on your phone). it’s just a whole lot going on at once without it being Too much so it’s …. good for not letting yourself think about anything you need to ignore

escapism really is just The Move sometimes. some very good healing, cathartic shows: ATLA, leverage, psych

talk !! you are super free to talk to me about it if you want. sometimes you really just need to get your grief out. like it’s not going to solve it or make it go away but typing it out or saying it out loud and just letting yourself cry are really cathartic …… we do these things as humans for a reason, because it makes everything more bearable. 

this is going to sound … so strange, i know, but i like to slow dance with myself. it’s very good. you put on some slow indie music (i like any death cab album, like transatlanticism is classic) and you close your eyes and lock your door and sway with yourself. it’s truly the most peace i have ever felt in my entire life i am absolutely not kidding. it’s kind of like ? meditation ? in a different way. just find some way to tune into yourself ig it makes all your emotions just much more manageable

[relaxandlaughatyourself]

Recap of Ika’s IG Live 11/20

A wonderful anon sent some moments from the IG love so here they are, along with some from others and myself. Also these are in no particular order and I am positive we missed some, especially the details.

Honestly, they seem more in love and obsessed with each other than ever before; I didn’t know that was possible. They were absolutely love drunk. You can tell how much they admire and respect each other, you could see how proud Ika was of Dem and his career.

Someone in the chat asked about their wedding and they were like “when is YOUR wedding, worry about your wedding… and are we invited?”

Someone asked about them doing a youtube channel and Ika said it wouldn’t be that would be weird because they don’t live together. But Dem was all into the idea.

They talked about McDonald’s and Ika was like “that’s where he took me on our first date.” Dem said that was not their first date and they argued back and forth a bit. Dem then said: “Ika decided halfway through the meal that that was our first date. I just wanted a burger. It was not a date.”

Ika also talked about Jamaican guys as someone in the chat said they were dating one. She basically told them to end it and run.

Dem talked about wanting to go snowboarding but Ika said no. Someone mentioned in the chat that Ika could get hurt and Dem was like “that is what I’m worried about.” He also wants to take her to an oilers game and she didn't want to do the caucasian sports.

She said there’s never a dull moment with Dem, everything becomes an adventure and a story.

He said she looks cute with thee black girl head wrap, she brought it to Edmonton and was wearing it in the shower. She said he still tells her everyday how beautiful she is even when according to her she looks like shit.

They talked about George.

They were acting old because they were drinking coffee and doing a hard sudoku because ika wanted something to do on the plane so she bought it. They said they were spending the whole day in.

She said his parents make the best greek food and Dem talked about his favorite dish his mom makes. Ika talked about how his house in edson had 3 bedrooms and one of them was filled with all golfing things.

They talked about how he made her put on the dress he liked and then asked her to take it off (she accidentally said that and then was like TMI) and Dem's like this is a PG live.

They went out with the friends - a fancy, rich couple - and Dem ate all the food then asked if there was anything in his teeth and Ika was mortified. Basically Ika was embarrassed and Dem has no shame. She said when they got back to their hotel they started arguing about his behavior but she said “it turned from a fight to my agreeing with you.” That’s why they work so well.

Someone asked what they learned about each other or something like that and Dem said he is neater than Ika.

They did an escape room together.

She said lily don't post it on because someone asked her if she was going to save the live ... and she was like it’s just me talking so I’m not and lily don't post it. Next time no one ask!

She said she’ll do more lives and Dem is going to show her a house and she’ll try to snap it.

She also said that she doesn’t watch bachelor canada and just watched the one she had to review and dem JOKINGLY said something about her participating and leaving him lol JOKINGLY though.

Dem said they were going to go wash his truck and ika was like “we?!”

He said that he likes getting her to do things that she doesn't like to do.

They also laughed about their halloween costume

Ika wanted to end it because Dem was on a business call she thought, so didn't want to disturb him.

[soumako-central]

I've followed you for a while, so forgive me if you've stated something and I missed it, but what's your opinion on each of the four "new" guys from starting days? E.g., Asahi, Nao, and the Kirishima bros? Do you have any interesting headcannons about them?

COMING BACK A YEAR LATER this post got kind of long so stuff will be under the cut. 

This is gonna be a rough opinion/headcanon list thing, but if you want me to go deeper into anything just say so (replies, asks, message)!

Asahi:

- I really love Asahi, it was hard for me to get a feel for him in starting days, but seeing him grown up he’s done everything I hoped he would in terms of character. 

- He’s still just as bright as he was, but now he has the skills to back up his claims I’m really proud of him

- I think his friendship with Haru is really cute especially in the first episode

- His attitude and how much he cares about his friends is really refreshing 

As for headcanons I’m going with a pretty popular one ig? That he’s a really doting uncle but is low-key bad at taking care of kids and has to get the gang to help him out. Maybe it’s advice or maybe they physically have to come over because he doesn’t know what to do but he tries really hard and that’s what matters. Also he would have thrown down with Hiyori if Ikuya hadn’t kept Hiyori around as a friend after their fallout and the iwatobis reconciliation. 

Ikuya:

- EMO

- just kidding poor guy he rlly didn’t talk much to people other than his brother and Hiyori jeez

- He’s sweet but I think he’s still a little lost, he’s had 2 big reconciliations it’s a lot

- I honestly didn’t like him that much in starting days BC I thought he was annoying, but he’s actually matured since he was 13 and that makes me happy I love him now

My headcanon is that he is or at least was in love with Haru (jkjk but rlly the wish he made? His whole speech to Hiyori, it’s very dramatic) but it wasn’t super healthy for him since it was more of an idolization than a love, but he’s grown out of that.

Nao: 

- Honestly deserved more screen time why did I feel like he was barely in the show

- I was so excited to see him swim but it didn’t happen? Why? I know he had that injury back in middle school but I at least didn’t pick up  on any other reason he stopped swimming 

- they really made us sit through him destroying the middle school iwatobis in that reflex game in starting days and then we just never? Got to see him swim? Blasphemous

- I respect him a lot if I had to watch natsuya be an idiot about everything all the time I would probably lose it

- I always like the seems soft/pretty but is actually scary types what can I say

I headcanon he still swims for fun in his spare time and it’s one of the ways he and natsuya hang out and he helps natsuya out with his fitness. He probably has a sewing/crochet hobby or really likes puzzles/crosswords/Sudoku etc.

Natsuya: 

- Owes Hiyori child support

- He’s fun but he’s kind of thick? Oblivious? He really doesn’t understand how his actions impact others unless you say it to his face

- I have mixed feelings about him, he’s just kind of inconsiderate even tho he doesn’t mean to be and I guess as an older sibling myself how he’s treated ikuya really bothers me

- his banter with rin an sousuke was good tho and I’d rally lik to see him interact with the mikoshibas

He probably has a fun side when he’s really really drunk; very flirtatious or just very affectionate. He’s a lot more broken up about Nao not swimming than he lets on, but Nao knows. 

[mellow-worlds]

It's weird. I don't know how I feel. Languid? Yeah, kinda. I guess I feel ok, I haven't been thinking about sudoku today, and hardly during the past few days. Tho I do want to just stay at home.

This also puzzles me, I have been doing some of the things people recommend doing to "get your life together" or whatever. I worked out today, did the laundry, read a little, showered and did some other things over the span of these few days. I don't know if I enjoy it? I read very few pages and worked out maybe ten minutes tops. I'm glad I did it, it's absolutely better than nothing, but I still... Idk? I didn't really enjoy doing it, it doesn't fulfil me and it was hard. In the past, I have liked working out and I'd say I generally love literature. Actually, reading today was just hard because I really had to concentrate (even though I felt like half of the contents still went over my head). I'm currently reading the Picture of Dorian Gray and I got to a very philosophical passage. Asides from that, Wilde's language is hard for me to read with ease.

So idk, I feel a certain dispassion towards these things that I do. Most of the day I do spend in bed, so maybe I should consider changing that. But what else would I do? Hmm, going for walks. Approaching friends myself if I want to meet up. Practicing the piano. And ofc apathetically staring at my computer screen. Idk... I don't really feel like doing any of these.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I'm meeting *that* person. To make it easier for me, I'll be calling them Snoopy. Idk... thinking about whatever it is we're doing does make me go :( I don't like it. I enjoy their proximity and spending time with them, but it feels so wrong. Whatever we got ourselves into, it was meant to not last. It never was meant to be. I had so many doubts from the beginning. In fact, there used to be a time where I would start shivering when thinking about them. Like crazy. And I used to avoid them purposefully.

It's so weird... They told me that they'd found me interesting for a pretty long time and I COULDN'T tell you why. I asked them, but got no useful answer. I didn't really phrase my question that directly, so it might be my fault. Anyway. Idk. It's weird. I still wonder. Why would anybody want to talk to me? Back then, when they claim to have started to like me, we've never really had a conversation. None of this makes sense to me. They said they thought I was cute?????? I didn't want to mention it because that makes it feel more... real? And braggy? AH idk idk idk.

It's wrong for me to spend time with Snoopy. I could never meet their needs. They have kinda noticed, and mentioned a lot, that they're always the one to approach the other person and asking to hang out. Honestly, most of the times when I see that they have texted, I wait up to two hours before responding because... I don't know. Maybe it's because I want to make them tihnk that there's a reason I "can't" hang out with them every day all day? Because they don't really know the truth, that being, me sitting in bed all day. Idk... And maybe it's because of this feeling that I'm trying to describe? That I don't really want to meet them despite really enjoying their company?

To be fair, I think that love is a social construct and maybe that is causing me to withdraw from getting too intimate and allowing this to be something serious? Or even giving it a name? Though it "being something serious" is also, in my opinion, just a societal uhm... thing. Which means that I really like talking to them, but... Idk. I do think about them a lot. Anyway. Let's drop that.

What's kind of messed up is that I've been thinking about how I can let them know that not seeing each other in this way any more would be the best. They've got no idea, or so I think, that I'm like this. Or... they've got a hunch. But they kinda do see me as a quell of endless positivity. Which... ig I am, except not endless. I don't want to hurt them, is my point. I don't want them to hate me. I wish we could just... never have met? And maybe still be on good terms with each other after I somehow let them know that I'm just too stupid for this to be a good idea. So uhm one method I came up with, which is the messed up part, is to get more depressed, if you can even call it that. Idk. Just uhm. Not being all that happy around them anymore. And uhm. Idk. They'd notice, I think. I don't know if I'd be able to pull it off, though, since I do enjoy talking to them. And I really, really don't want to be rude. I wish I could be upfront, but this is not really something that I could tell them, right? They'd be too supportive. And I just... I'd be so much easier if they hated me. Or never had spoken to me in the first place. I'm such a loser, anyway. And we're actually so... incompatible, if you think about it. I don't really want to talk about that rn, though, since I fear it'll make them sound less likeable, which isn't really the case, if you know them personally.

Despite all this, I keep thinking about what could be if only I weren't so stupid. They're the type of person you could do loads and loads of fun and stupid stuff with. And I kinda did want to meet 2 of the friends they sometimes tell me about. IDKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I want all of this to end, it fills me with more self-doubt than I'd like to experience. And ofc the thought "I should just unalive myself" keeps flashing in my head because I'm so stupid and selfish and narrow-minded and at this point I think that my brain is just trying to be edgy. Because I'm oh so cool.

I don't really want to meet them tomorrow. Or ever again. This is all my fault.