#no matter how much I may want to leave I just can’t! /HJ

[goodknightsweetcookie]

OMG NEW CR HEADCANONS??? NOT CLICKBAIT???

This won’t really follow my og hc’s but shh; anyways Firespirit, Knight and Princess shenanigans (feat. Pistachio):

* Princess and FS interchangeably are the “one that gets them into trouble” and the “one that hypes up/instigates the other one getting them into trouble”. Knight is always the “one getting them out of trouble”

* Princess gave the other two the silent treatment for a full 24 hours when she found out they finally got together and didn’t tell her. She was the one advocating for them to just get the romantic tension over with already! How could they not tell her?? She of course understands that they’d probably be a bit scared of how people would react, but don’t they know her well enough to know she wouldn’t judge them or flaunt their relationship around if they truly didn’t want her to?? But, like I said, it was only for 24 hours. She walks right up to them afterwards, winks, then gabs them both by the arm and marches off to their next adventure! (With them both looking baffled)

* She laments her woes of romance to them, pining after the pretty green haired paladin (is that the proper term for what she is??? Idk). Knight comes up with the idea to sort of wingman for her during training. It backfires horrifically bc Pistachio assumes his compliments were confessions that he had feelings for her highness. When he informs the other two of this, Princess groans as she slaps her face onto her vanity’s desk while FS laughs hysterically

* FS happens to find Pistachio on her own later on and she seems upset. He floats down to check on her, startling her and getting a bit too close to the point of her spear. She quickly retracts her weapon and apologizes. There’s a silence. He’s about to ask what’s wrong when she blurts out that she herself has feeling for Princess, but does not wish to hurt her dear friend Knight. Then she rambles on about how she honestly thought FS and Knight were a thing since the two are often seen with each other and it only would take a glance at them to think they were flirting. She looks at him. He stays silent. She looks away and rambles on more about how Knight’s compliments seemed a bit odd since despite what he was saying he didn’t seem all that “in love”. Silence again. She rambles even /more/ about how it must just be his inability to get his emotions across. A second of silence before she’s off again about how he has gotten much better about that though, especially when complimenting FS on his abilities after a battle or something, all with a sweet, soft smile on his face. She looks back at him. He stays silent but he is definitely holding back a snicker and smirk. Something clicks in her head. “OH. OH!!” She runs off.

* He tells Knight about this and he scolds Firespirit for meddling like that and FS just says “Babe, I didn’t even SAY anything! She figured it all out on her own!”

* FS used to secretly teach Princess how to fight through late night training and sparring. Knight found out and was having none of it till they both hit him with their respective puppy-dog eyes. He began to help as well, though he mostly worried over her getting even the slightest of injuries. Then when Pistachio and Princess become a couple, she also teaches her (and Princess /totally/ didn’t “forget” how to hold a sword just so Pistachio could stand behind her and show her how by physically moving her arms and legs to stand correctly. She really didn’t remember! Don’t look at her like that Firey she’s being totally truthful here!)

* (Pistachio knows she’s lying but you’re not gonna hear her complain or argue)

[huboi]

GENSHIN BOYS WITH AN AUTISTIC S/O HEADCANONS (SUMERU BOYS)🌴

character(s) — cyno, tighnari, alhaitham, kaveh, wanderer

reader’s gender is not specified, nor is their race. I always try to make my fanfics as inclusive as possible

tw/cw — none ig, lmk if there are any

note(s) — I made this as an autistic person, however this may not include like every trait of someone with autism if that makes sense. PLS DON’T USE THIS FANFIC TO SELF DIAGNOSE URSELF WITH AUTISM, it’s important to get professionally diagnosed due to overlapping symptoms

CYNO

he would be the perfect boyfriend tbh

like if you have any hyperfixations u wanna talk about? he’s all ears

even if he’s busy playing tcg with someone, he doesn’t mind you talking about your hyperfixations with him

my man can multitask, it ain’t hard

if ur not a big fan of large crowded areas, he will make sure to walk with you in the least busiest parts of sumeru city

if you don’t like loud noises, like the crowded area, he will try his best to make sure he doesn’t bring you to loud areas

if anyone ever makes fun or belittles you for having autism.... he will beat them up/hj

he will mainly use his threatening aura to make them apologies or just make them leave you alone

no one messes with the mahamatras partner and gets away with it

you have comfort foods? he’s learning how to make them. whenever he can’t make them, he will buy them for you

you’re clingy? he loves that, hug him all you want, fidget with his hands all u want, he’s smitten asf

struggle to make eye contact? he’s ok with that too! he’s actually kinda used to it tbh, cause people can barely look him in the eye due to his status

overall, quite protective and just overall rlly loving, doesn’t rlly care u have autism, he still loves u as you are <33

TIGHNARI

when it comes to your sensory issues, he can relate, as a fennec hybrid his senses can easily get overwhelmed, so don’t worry about your sensory issues being a burden, he’s totally ok with it

have comfort foods? he will make them as much as he possibly can, he doesn’t mind how simple they are, he’s making them and sometimes he will buy them whenever he goes to the city

you stim? he will support you with it, if he’s feeling generous, which he usually is since ur his partner, he will let you fidget with his tail and ears, as long as ur gentle with them obviously

have hyperfixations? he’s all ears, quite literally, you can tell him all about whatever it is ur obsessed with no matter what he’s up to, whilst he’s studying the wildlife? he doesn’t mind, whilst he’s patrolling the forest? go ahead

anyone ever makes fun of you or is mean to you, he will sort them out with a good telling off. this sassy fox man will give them the lecture of a lifetime, he doesn’t mind if it’s for u tho :)

collei is supportive as well, she’s even more so understanding than the other forest rangers mainly due to her elazer, it’s not the same in any way shape or form, but she understands what it feels like to be different

ALHAITHAM

this man has traits that are quite similar to autism, so it doesn’t bother him that you have it, he’s supportive in his own way if you know what I mean

sensory issues? oh look, there’s now a pair of noise cancelling earphones for you, how strange, how’d that get there?

people would think that your stinking annoys him, newsflash it doesn’t. in a way he finds it kinda cute, but not in a belittling way if that makes sense

have hyperfixations? he can and will listen to you all day if he has to, and he would do it gladly too

doesn’t mind if ur clingy, he can read his book whilst you hug him on the couch or sum, kills two birds with one stone, he gets his research done, and you get cuddles

he’s actually a huge softy for you but won’t admit it to anyone, not even himself :))

KAVEH

kaveh is amazing, like best supportive boyfriend alert

if you have sensory issues, he can’t really help with the big crowds and loud noise but he’ll try his best to help you cope through it and give you distractions

like if ur in a crowded erea he’ll ask you to talk about your hyperfixations to him. if you don’t have hyperfixations he’ll just ask what you have done today

when it comes to taste sensory issues, he’ll try to avoid eating food that you dont like the smell of cause he doesn’t wanna overwhelm your nose. he will eat said food like that someplace else when ur not around

if you have comfort foods, he sadly can’t really buy them often since he doesn’t have a lot of money, but now and again as a special treat he can make it for you or buy it

clingy? great, he is too, cuddle him all you want, he’s not one to complain. wanna kiss him all over? go ahead, he embraces it

tries his best to understand how you work, he can sympathise with how frustrating things can be when people don’t quite understand you and how you work

you don’t like affection? that’s fine too, he will try to keep physical affection to a minimum as much as he possibly can, he can be affectionate in other ways tho

love language is probs spending personal time together, so that’s enough for him if u don’t want affection too

overall, 10/10 best boy and baby girl, recommend

WANDERER

ngl he’s not rlly the best, but he tries. it’s just really difficult for him to be nice since after all he’s been through, he tries tho, he really does

whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed by large crowds and/or noises, he will pick you up bridal style and bring you to nahidas place, where it’s quiet and no one else is there

like certain foods? he can’t cook, since he was made by ei who can’t cook to save her life, so he will just buy your comfort foods for you instead

want cuddles? it depends on his mood wether or not he’ll comply, if he’s in a good mood, yes, if he’s in a neutral mood, yes, if he’s in a bad mood, no.

whenever you stim, he sometimes watches, other times he looks away, he doesn’t wanna say anything mean to you by accident

if you can’t understand sarcasm, he’ll try his best to not use it around you, but it’s difficult sometimes since he has used sarcasm for so long

if you have hyperfixations and like to talk about them, he will listen, doesn’t mind hearing you talk about your interests, in a strange way it fascinates him, sometimes he asks questions other times he just stays silent and nods his head now and again in acknowledgment

if he ever hears anyone being mean to you, wether that be on purpose or not, he’s finna throw some hands, and he will win. tries not to actually fight them, tries to argue with them. he tries to fight less cause it makes nahida kinda upset

speaking of nahida, she’s amazing with you, like the best person to ever go to. she’s the god of wisdom after all, more or less knows how to take care of you during certain phases, he sometimes actually goes to her for advice on your behaviours and how best to support you, but you didn’t hear that from me

content belongs to @huboi on tumblr, DO NOT REPOST ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS WHATSOEVER

[darkphoenix07]

Hi love if requests are still opened may I have an established relationship hongjoong oneshot where reader isolates herself frequently because of mental health and spends a lot of unwanted time in bed because she can’t muster up the courage to get up where hj helps her start her day and stuff?

Hongjong helps you as you isolate yourself often

Masterlist

Series Poll

Mental Health Request

Paring : Hongjong x Reader

Genre : Comfort, Fluff, Romance, Dance

Song 🎶: Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish and Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

7.00 a.m.

You hear Hongjong entering the house as he parks his car in the garage. You want to get up, run towards him and hug him. You want to break in his arms feeling free as tears leave your eyes. You wish you could get up but it's too hard.

You have been lying on the bed for the whole day like a corpse. He called you a million times for having breakfast but you said you weren't hungry. He left kissing you goodbye, saying he loves you. But you didn't even say love you back. You laid there not moving a single muscle, not taking shower or having food.

Right now you can't feel your body. You don't feel like you are in this universe anymore. The pain, the anxiety, the panic attack have taken over your body suppressing everything.

"Baby, are you home?" His sweet voice echoes in the living room.

You haven't touched him for how long you don't remember. You don't know when was the last time, you kissed him, hugged him properly. Sex is far.

"Baby!" The way he calls you baby. It should pick your body up. You feel guilty for being such a prick. But you can't help. You imagine how he will leave you alone, you'll be able to lay here for the rest of your life until you actually become a corpse.

There looking for you, he enters in your room. Seeing the darkness of your room, the curtains all down, your blanket covering half of your body and you same gaze at the ceiling, he understands you haven't moved from the bed.

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" He asks entering as he touches you forehead.

"Hm," you mumble not wanting to get attacked with more questions.

But he notices how messed up your hair is though you aren't warm or cold. You are still wearing the dress from three days ago which means you haven't showered for three days.

You think of the consequences that will occur if he switches on the lights, pulls the blanket off you and starts screaming at you. What will you do?

You wait for it but the lights aren't being turned on, no screaming is around you like it used to happen in your household. Its more quite than usual that you can hear his heartbeat beside yours.

"Can I get inside?"

You would have said no. You would have pushed him away. But the way he asked you, the way he plead like he is asking foe forgiveness that you had to move slightly making space for him.

He gets inside the blanket though you know you stick as bad as a garbage can. He pulls you on his hand, "I want to have dinner outside with you or we can have a terrible cheat day. Only street foods and chocolate or ice cream. What do you say?"

You don't answer him so he looks at you with all of the love he has for you, "Or we can stay here in the bed while I sing for you. Then we can take a shower together while dancing and order dinner. I can make you some too but I am not as good as Wooyoung when it comes to cooking."

You look at him with sleepy eyes. His touch makes you realize how long you haven't slept. Maybe three days or more. It happened without any reason. You don't know why you are feeling like this life doesn't matter or why you don't want to move. You feel heartbroken, guilty for not having a single reason to tell him why you are feeling this much heavy.

"Baby. You'll become sick. I would let you stay here but you look so pale. I am worried," he says pulling you close to his chest, "You know how much I love you, right?"

You wanted to walk up a while ago. But it was just night. The ending of another day you could have spent productively that you wasted. You feel so disgusted by your own self but the man in front of you gazing at you like you are some diamond.

"I don't know what to do," that's when you speak up because you don't want to disappoint him. He has so much patience and hope for you. You understand now that if you speak up maybe he will understand but it's just too hard.

"Will you let me do something for you?" He asks kissing your forehead gently.

You don't say anything as a positive answer and he gets up, "Stay in your little paradise for some moment. I am coming back."

He says and rushes outside. After some while, you hear his car's sound. You don't understand and you forget that you should care after sometimes. You curl around hugging your blanket drowning in your dark side again.

You don't know how long it passes away before Hongjong comes, "I am going to pick you up. Okay?"

He warns you so you can say no if you want to. But you don't say anything or do anything as he cradles you up in his arms and walks outside the room. You notice the lights are all off, there is just the chandelier lighting in the living room.

As he enters in the bathroom of the room you two share, you see there are scented candles on the sink area. He doesn't stop here, he places you inside the tub filled with purple flower petals, you don't understand what flower are these. But the sudden warm water washes thrill over your whole body. You start feeling a little better from the warm water.

He helps you take off the clothes and runs outside again. You start hearing him playing Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift in the background before he enters in the bathroom again with a fruit salad bowl.

He sits outside the tub feeding you the salad, "I thought you may faint so I had to give you some food and suger."

You smile as you keep having the fruits one by one. Some little effort is all you wanted to give to feel better again but it was too hard.

"Join me," you tell him making his eyes go big.

He places the bowl on the sink and makes you stand up, "I have a better idea," and pushes the shower button. Cold water starts washing over both of you and you start giggling seeing him shiver.

It's so adorable yet fascinating how he is looking and acting right now. He holds your one hand and wraps your waist with another, "Let's dance in the rain."

"It's literally summer," you tell him as he spins you while the water of the tub splashes around dripping on the floor.

"Who cares?" He says pulling you towards him and again moving you with him. The dance, the movements, they are so messy yet perfect for your body to feel alive. It's like every cell of your body is waking up one by one.

"Kiss me," he says cupping your face in his hands and your lips find his in no time.

You wish you would have talked about your feelings to him earlier, you wish you wouldn't waste your time, you wish you would kiss him back and say love you back. But it's alright, you tell yourself. It's alright because I can do it now.

"Hongjong," you say as you wrap yourself in the towel and he looks at you.

"I love you," you tell him and his smile gets bigger than ever.

"I love you," he says and pecks you on the lips.

No, you haven't stopped feeling the heaviness yet but you have stopped blaming yourself making it look like a crime for feeling depressed without any reason. Every feeling is precious after all.

For the people who thinks your feelings aren't valid. They are.

[arotechno]

what do you call that aro grief when you can watch your friend leaving you in real time (not even for a relationship! 20s work and life and everything) and you wonder /hj if you were in a relationship with them could you lock them down and ask them to stay

(Musing how it feels so much more selfish asking a friend than a partner to keep you in their life. Like, I can’t offer you anything and I don’t want anything from you (in the way allos *want* dates, kisses, that possessiveness) but just please don’t go.

to be honest, it's the kind of thing that in my opinion would be selfish in a romantic relationship too. possessiveness is a problem. the difference is in committed romantic relationships it is typically far more acceptable and expected that you discuss big life changes with each other and make compromises for the other person, if that's what you want.

it does suck, though, to drift apart from friends for any reason and feel like you can't express how much it hurts. you can't make someone stay, no matter what, but i think expressing how you feel (that you want to stay in one another's lives as much as possible) is worth it. it's difficult and vulnerable, but it really is worth it. and if it's really not possible to stay together at all, it can be the first step to processing that grief. leaving things unsaid is something you may regret.

[myseungsunglove]

The love we share | Hjs

Pairing: Han Jisung x reader

Warnings: fluff

Word Count: 660

𖠫Summary: The many ways you and Jisung express love for each other is something special. It’s something you never knew you needed and are endlessly thankful you have.

✎WIP✎: No particular thing planned right now. Send in asks or requests and we can see if it sparks any thoughts. No promises, but it might get me going!

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

「© July 8, 2023 by mysweethannie」

You aren’t the type of person to say the words I love you often. You reserve those three words for meaningful situations. You want those eight letters to leave an impression when you utter them, so you kept them locked away in a vault like the precious treasure they are because for whatever reason you feel your resources are limited and you have to use them wisely so as to have enough to give to those most important to you.

Han Jisung is the complete opposite and seems to have an endless warehouse of I love yous to give. What confuses you the most about that is no matter how many times he says those three words, you know and feel just how much he means them. They aren’t just eight letters thrown around haphazardly. Each moment they are used is specifically picked and important. It just so happens that Han finds most moments rather important, no matter how small or insignificant they might feel to someone else.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles softly against your temple, pressing a firm kiss there as you brush your teeth each morning.

“I love you immensely,” he boasts confidently when you awaken sleepily from an afternoon nap wrapped in his arms.

“I love you endlessly,” he whispers gently as he makes love to you on a rainy summer night.

“I love you completely,” he assures you when you express your doubts about yourself on hard days.

“I love you so much,” he reminds you, even though you’ve been arguing.

“I really love you,” he tells you when you make him laugh so hard he just might cry.

“I love you the most,” he responds when you do finally utter those three words to him one night when you think he is fast asleep.

“I love you the most in the whole world,” he confidently declares when getting down on one knee and asking you to be his forever.

“I completely, madly love you,” he breathes against your lips, capturing your lips with a passionate and reverent kiss.

It’s not hard to understand and believe that Han Jisung loves you with everything he has. While you may not say those words as often, you show him just how deeply you love him with your actions.

I love you so much shows when you bring him dinner in the studio when he has been working tirelessly on a new album.

I love you immensely shows when you pack his bags for him when he is preparing to go on tour.

I love you endlessly shows when you cling to him in the night like you never want to let go, your bodies joined together in love.

I love you completely shows when you are there for Jisung during his hardest and most anxious times, holding him close and telling him all the ways he makes you whole and is enough just the way he is.

I love you so much shows when you resolve to not go to sleep angry but are determined to understand each other in your hardest times.

I really love you shows when you can’t stop laughing at Hannie’s completely ridiculous self, his joy bringing you more happiness than you could ever possibly imagine or understand.

I love you the most shows when you surprise him on tour when he is feeling the most exhausted and really needs you by his side.

I love you the most in the world shows when you put Han’s precious face between your hands and tell him “yes, I’ll spend the rest of my life with you. Loving you.”

I completely, madly love you shows when you tell him you’re pregnant with your first child and you can’t stop crying because of how excited you are to finally get to see him be a dad.

It’s not hard for Jisung to understand and believe that you love him with everything you have. They way you love each other is exactly what you never knew you needed so desperately.

[fallenshatteredcrystals]

HAHA— YANDERE KAZUHA HEADCANONS NOW /HJ

Oh ho ho, my first Kazuha Request, y'all like yandere content, I hope you like this man. -Chaos

TW: Mentions of kidnapping, obsession, unhealthy relationship, Kazuha being a stalker

Characters: Kazuha

🔓Requests are open🔓

Master list is coming soon..

"Drifted Flowers"-Yandere Kazuha Headcanons

🍁- Ah yes, Kazuha, A wandering samurai of the once-famed Kaedehara Clan, a poet who's on the run from Inazuma forces. A gentle and carefree soul whose heart hides a great many burdens from the past. This man is obsessed with you.

🍁- I feel as if Kazuha is a soft yandere at first, his obsession is small, he knows he loves you, he just doesn't want to scare you off.

🍁- He's a yandere who starts off as a friend, you two meet when you board Beidou's ship. You were heading to Inazuma with The Traveler and you ended up meeting Kazuha, the two of you got along great throughout the journey.

🍁- Throughout this journey, that's where his obsession developed, and once the realization hit him that you're going to Inazuma, a place he's not too welcomed at, things get much worse.

🍁- Everything starts off slow, as you stay in Inazuma Kazuha sends you letter, poems, everything he can to make sure you're okay. Eventually, these turn into gifts, these start to show up no matter where you go, sometimes they don't even make any sense as to how they got there.

🍁- Which leads into my next thing, Kazuha is a man who doesn't like to stay indoors, he likes to be outside. The time he spends outdoors makes him attuned to nature and the wind, being able to "hear" and "smell" everything around him with absolute clarity. He can sense dangers, read people and track them down in an instant no matter how well they try to conceal it. Making him a dangerous stalker.

🍁-I see Kazuha as a stalker, I mean he's very in tune with nature, he can stalk you with no problems at all.

🍁- He’ll hide in trees, bushes, behind buildings, whatever he could hide behind to watch you as you go about your day. He loves to just watch you, watch your emotions, who you interact with, and whatever else you do that may interest him. But he also does this to make sure you're safe, he's always listening and watching your every move, and he doesn't leave you alone until he knows you are safe sleeping.

🍁- If you're having a conversation with someone, he’ll just listen to your voice, in his opinion he thinks your voice is absolutely beautiful and something he’s never heard before, of course, he's watching whoever you're talking to as well, if it's someone who's not too important he'll most likely kill them, making sure they can't cross paths with you ever. He can't risk someone taking you away.

🍁- Eventually he'll start to pop up more, not showing himself but hanging out with you. He'll show you his favorite spots in Inazuma to hide out and relax. Now this doesn't stop his behavior since he's around you more.

🍁-Despite his best efforts to hide it, it’s rather easy to tell when he’s jealous. Instead of confronting the thing which causes his jealousy, he’ll remove himself and you from the situation, making up many excuses if he has no other choice for backup. The sudden urgency of needing to be somewhere else is a dead giveaway.

🍁- He knows that he shouldn’t get so worked up over small things, especially people. A street vendor smiling at you, or someone just talking to you, but he can’t seem to help it. And he doesn’t like the feeling it creates, so he runs from it. He hides from it, he doesn't want to make you upset from it.

🍁- However he's getting better about his feelings, he knows he shouldn’t feel like this, he knows that it isn’t right. He shouldn't have to worry about someone innocent taking you away.

🍁- Once his behavior gets caught however... Things get much worse for you.

🍁- He won't hide it fact that he's obsessed with you, he gave up on that, as upset as he is that you don't like this side of him, he'll make you love him.

🍁- He'll kidnap you, keep you locked away from others.

🍁-Escaping him is quite difficult considering he clings to you all the time not letting you go, so you would have to plan something out for weeks, hell even months or years. You’ll probably have to go when he’s relaxing outside, that's if he's not bringing you with them, or when he’s out leaving you by yourself. I think he would restrain you just in case so you’ll have to deal with that somehow, good luck if you don’t know how to pick a lock btw.

🍁- When you actually escape he would be terrified, what’s going to happen to you? Are you hurt? Are you dead? He'll hunt you down with accuracy of course, you won't get far.

🍁-Once Kazuha gets ahold of you again, he would be mad at you when he finds you, he literally lost you and now that you’re back in his arms, why would you want to leave? He's taking care of you, he's providing for you, he's not happy about it.

And he’s not leaving your side anymore...

fallenshatterdcrystals © 2023 ┃ do not copy, modify, steal, repost ANY of my content.

[nethercomfies]

✨They comfort you when you’re down✨

Characters: Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Thoma, Xiao, Itto, Kazuha, Gorou, Tomo

Content: Warning for anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, etc; Hurt/Comfort, gn!reader

Note: I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and all that jazz lately and just needed some comforting thoughts about Albedo… Then I thought I may as well write about this for anyone else who’s struggling. If you’re feeling sad, please know you’re not alone and there’s people who care about you and love you (Me included -- Here’s a big hug for you, dear person)

Albedo:

Albedo has a bit of a hard time understanding why you feel the way you do -- In his mind, there’s no one better than you and he doesn’t know how anyone could not see that

That being said, he doesn’t have to understand why you feel a certain way in order to care -- When he doesn’t see you for a few days, he naturally gets worried and goes looking for you. Once he finds you and sees that you’ve been crying, his first instinct is to lie down with you, wrap you in a blanket and hold you close

He listens to your concerns as you cry into his chest, gently carding his hands through your hair. Once you’re done, he tries to tell you how he sees you, how lovely and amazing you are in his eyes. He doesn’t know if it’s helpful or not, but the fact that you’ve stopped crying seems like a good thing

He’ll make hot chocolate or tea for you and get some snacks you can eat together (sweets and some fruits so you get healthy stuff too)

He makes sure to leave you lots of notes saying how much he loves and appreciates you and how amazing you are. Also some drawings he made of you because hey, maybe if you can see yourself through his eyes you’ll be able to focus on something other than the things you perceive as flaws?

Diluc:

He tends to be a little busy, but when he realizes that you feel down, Diluc will drop everything else and make sure you’re cared for

Diluc gives warm and comforting hugs. It’s like being wrapped in a comfortable blanket… Except the blanket talks to you and whispers into your hair how much you are loved

Will put his hand on your cheek to gently wipe your tears away while giving you the softest look you’ve ever seen on him

He lets you bury your face in his chest and whisper some comforting words to you while you cry. When you’re too exhausted, you can just fall asleep like that and he holds you close

Kaeya:

His first approach is to offer a playful “You’re prettier without those tears”, but he’s quick to drop the act and ask you what’s wrong in a more serious tone

He makes very sure you don’t neglect yourself -- If you don’t have the energy to take care of yourself, he’ll help you in any way possible

You’ve rarely ever heard Kaeya be as serious about something as he is when he tells you that he cares about you and would do absolutely anything about you. No matter what doubts you have about yourself, Kaeya can offer you a reason why your mind is lying to you and why you’re actually so much better than you may think

He pulls you into his lap, telling you how much he loves you in between small kisses

After some time he may fall silent and instead just runs his fingers through your hair or rubs your back.

Thoma:

Thoma showers you in love and positivity, because well… He’s just the personification of sunshine, and he’s more than eager to make you happy again

He’s also just really good at taking care of you when you can’t do so yourself (Because Ayato is a big child sometimes /hj), so he’ll make sure you take a shower, put on some new clothes, eat enough and stay hydrated… And after you’ve taken care of that, the world tends to already look a little brighter again

He’ll listen to you talk about your problems, or if you don’t want to talk, he’ll instead just chat away about some ordinary stuff, just to take your mind off things

If you’re up for it, he’s gonna take you on a small walk through Chinju Forest or down to the sea. Just so you can breathe some fresh air and have a little change of scenery

He’ll hold your hand and give you lots of hugs, telling you how amazing you are and how much he loves you.

Xiao:

He’s probably dealt with his fair share of intrusive thoughts as well, so he knows how hard it can be to deal with them. He listens to your concerns, offers reassurance and makes sure you know you’re not alone

Xiao holds you close when you have to cry and makes sure you can feel safe and comfortable while you’re with him

He takes you to his favorite spot on top of Wangshu Inn so you can look at the stars together and forget about your worries for a while

He’s always around you, making sure that if you feel like you’re going to break down once again, he’s right there to catch you

Itto:

Itto’s turns it into a challenge to try and get you to laugh -- And he’s at least semi-successful. It’s just hard to keep crying when your oni boyfriend makes weird grimasses and tells the dumbest jokes you’ve ever heard

He’ll take you out to get some food, or maybe he’ll ask granny oni to cook for you two… Either way, he makes sure you don’t end up starving yourself

He gives you the BIGGEST bear hugs. Warm and comfy, even if there’s a small chance your ribs get crushed (Just kidding, he’s extra careful with you)

He’s gonna make sure to repeatedly remind you just how awesome you are -- You’re his lucky charm and he’s so glad to have you by his side.

May or may not offer to gift you his best onikabuto -- You’re for sure gonna cheer up a little after you’ve won a few fights and see how awesome and cool you are, right?

Kazuha:

Kazuha is an incredibly good listener -- He makes you feel seen and heard, all without any kind of judgment

He’s also good with words and probably has just the right thing to say to you the moment you finish -- How he loves you, understands the way you feel, how he’s glad to be by your side… He says it with such sincerity that you really have no choice but to believe him

He convinces you to go outside with him for a bit, taking you to some nice secluded spot where it’s just the two of you

You can rest your head against his shoulder while he holds your hand or wraps his arms tightly around you

When you’re exhausted from crying, you can just fall asleep in his arms. He makes sure you’re safe and he’s ready to take care of you once you’re awake.

Gorou:

It’s Gorou -- Of course he’ll sit down with you and be your shoulder to cry on, listening to your worries without judgment

He makes it surprisingly easy for you to talk about everything you’ve kept buried inside for so long… The words spill out just like that, while he patiently sits and listens

Once you’ve run out of things to say, he’ll just pull you into a long, warm hug. He may not have a solution to your problems, but he can at least offer some words of affirmation and let you know how deeply he cares about you

Just because it’s you he’ll make an exception and allow you to touch his ears. It feels calming to run your fingers through the soft fur while he nuzzles his face into your neck

He makes sure to make it very clear that you’re never a burden for him, no matter what -- He’s there to support you in any way you need

Tomo:

He’s a pretty easy-going guy, but as soon as he realizes how bad you’re feeling, he’ll take it very serious

Sits you down, wipes your tears away and asks you to tell him exactly what’s wrong. He listens very intently to what you have to say

Gives you a pep talk.. Mainly consists of him telling you how much he loves and appreciates you, while also throwing in some attempts to make you lighten up a little and see things in a more positive light

He’s gonna cook, just for you -- With a full stomach it’s way easier to tackle these kinds of issues

He’ll wrap his arms tightly around you and cuddle you until you feel better… His cat may also pop in, curling up in your lap and letting you give her as many pats as you need

[zevexsii]

Miinsy here! :p, Could you do an Idv request of Joseph, Andrew, And Antonio ( separately ) have a very curvy/thicc fem! s/o? (sfw & nsfw ( or slight!nsfw if ur too uncomfy with it!))

nsfw is completely fine hun! these might be a bit short, sorry :( i tried to focus on the prompt but then it became more generalized :sob:

andrew, joseph, and antonio with a curvy fem s/o

cut for length and nsfw content!

andrew kreiss (sfw)

hooooo boy. andrew already thinks you’re an angel. he isn’t picky about body types and puts more stock in personality; he has a hard enough time believing people are being genuinely kind to him and actually want him around.

you’re skinnier? great! you’re chubbier? poggers!! you’re somewhere between the two? wonderful! he loves you no matter what and would give you the world, if you weren’t his world already.

cuddle him!! andrew already yearns to be held, but now he’s got the perfect pillow. 

andrew has a lot of suppressed emotions, he never really had the space or tools to deal with the results of the abuse that’s been inflicted upon him his entire life, so he suffers from oddly terrifying nightmares that he can’t quite place. the best method he’s found to combat his night terrors is going to sleep in your arms with his face buried in the safety of your shoulder/upper chest and knowing that you’ll be there to comfort him should he wake with shaking hands and a pounding heart.

if you run your fingers through his hair or rub his back, he’s falling asleep immediately. i don’t make the rules. 

kiss !! his !! forehead !! andrew is super insecure. we been knew. he has firsthand experience with how shitty the world can be, and no matter how much affection you give him in the beginning, doubt will still linger. reassure him that you think he’s perfect. tell him how much he means to you. you wouldn’t want to replace him, right?

whenever andrew gets up normally or one of y’all have a match he does Not want to get up. his exact thought process is “hnnf. wifey soft.”

then he’s fully conscious and blushes for a solid hour afterwards /hj. 

andrew kreiss (nsfw)

andrew is generally touch starved, which could easily slip into hypersexaulization, which just makes him all the more frantic. but not in a horrible way?

well that, and he’s got a hard time controlling the thoughts that run rampant through his brain when you stretch out a certain way or the collar of your top shifts just enough for him to catch a glimpse of the soft skin below.

top him. andrew was unsurprisingly a virgin when he came to the manor and has barely any knowledge of sex, so you’re going to have to go easy on him, too. as he gets more comfortable he might be a soft dom every now and then.

he’s so whiny underneath you; every slight touch makes him whine and subconsciously curl his toes. every bit of loose praise that falls from your lips pushing him closer to the edge. 

andrew clings to you the entire time; you make him feel so safe; wanted. needed, even. when you ride him he’s gasping for breath between unhinged mewls and whines, gripping your hips with his calloused hands as tightly as he can while you unravel him. 

sit on his face. do it. he’s obsessed with how soft your thighs are, and being surrounded by you makes him feel like he’s in heaven. 

andrew takes any opportunity he can to bury his face in your breasts; another soft, safe place. 

he loves you sm hon. it’s so precious i can’t take it nsdfsdkjf.

joseph desaulniers (sfw)

peepaw  joseph is absolutely enamored with you, dear. 

smooth french compliments send the blood right to your cheeks, giving joseph a rather insufferable smirk for the rest of the day. 

to get back at him, wear his clothes. it’ll make him short circuit. 

joseph isn’t incredibly cuddly all of the time, he has more spontaneous moods where he craves the feeling of you in his arms, or even your arms around him! he may put up a little bit of a huffy front when you ask to hold him, but he loves it <3

these moods end in cuddle sessions that last for hours and joseph whining if you have to leave.

“chérie.. are you sure you have to leave now? please... stay a little longer.”

joseph desaulniers (nsfw)

he’s the perfect mix of gentle and tantalizingly rough. he’ll get rough at first; only thinking about how he can coax those delicious sounds out of you as he slams into you from behind. he mellows out just a few minutes before he cums; this is an act of love, after all. 

so damn handsy. and joseph knows exactly how to use his hands, too. 

he’ll praise you as he fucks you; telling you how good it feels to be inside of you while he drags his nails up your thighs and marking the side of your neck like no tomorrow.

suck him off and let some of his cum drip out of your mouth and onto your chest; it’ll burn the image into his brain for days.

antonio paganini (sfw)

very chill about everything. antonio’s had his fair share of partners, albeit most of them were one night stands; he tended to focus more on his musical career than romantic pursuits.

his main focus is definitely not on anyone’s physical form, unless he’s in a match with them.

antonio loves the way you look though! don’t get me wrong.

likes to take bubble baths with you :) 

antonio paganini (nsfw)

has soft dom energy but enjoys tying you up or restraining you with his hair. 

enjoys leaving marks all over your chest and hips; especially if someone has managed to pull out his possessive side recently. 

he’ll hum in content when he sees you writhing and whimpering underneath him; he’s also got quite the size kink.

you’re going to have to be patient and settle for antonio’s long fingers before he can reward you; he wants you completely undone before he can sink his cock into you. 

[yelenasdog]

hurricane (brian may x fem reader)

request by the wonderful @speciallyred w prompts 45 and 58 from this prompt list! i was super nervous to write this bc i love her writing but i hope u enjoy!!

genre: per request of anna, angsty! but it ends w some fluff to mend ur broken heart hehe

summary: he’s never home, and neither is she. he can’t communicate, and she just wants to be loved.

words: 1.5k this was supposed to b a drabble OOPS

warnings: crying, sadness, mentions of marriage+kids, mentions and accusations of cheating, i think that’s it but as always, lmk if i missed any!

a/n: ok so a. y/n wasn’t used so if u wanted this do bri x some other female or oc that would work, and b. i also didn’t use anything that would keep this from being able to be read as a gwil!bri fic :) mwah (also i just realized this but this could totally be a song fic for i want love by elton john ok bye luv u)

 ⭑ 🎸

It was deathly silent in the spacious former home of Brian and his beloved, that had now been reduced to only a house. The ticking of the grandfather clock he had insisted that they had to have when they moved in could be heard ringing out and echoing, pestering the girl to no end.

It was always quiet in their house, even when they fought. There was never a rushed bustle of children you had to get out the door to school, and not even a cat or dog to create a disruptive chaos as they ran about, muddy paws leaving marks on the floor.

There would be the occasional record playing lowly, the notes floating about the house, and sometimes if she couldn’t sleep, she would have Bri play her a soft tune on his old acoustic, his voice having no issue bringing her to rest.

But even now, during one of the most heart wrenching fights that the pair had gone through, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop on the hardwood flooring.

As Brian was a soft and gentle man, never yelling or raising his voice in the slightest. He wasn’t mean or cruel, in fact, his entire aura calmed her to no end, which is why she supposed she hated this so much.

She scanned with careful eyes over his silhouette, watching as stray curls rustled from the draft coming in from the open window, goosebumps raising on both of their exposed arms.

“What are you looking at?”

“Just you, Bri.”

He rolled his eyes from where he sat on the white sofa, moving his fist under his chin. A scoff fell from his rosy lips as he turned his head to look out the window, not actually paying any mind to the green hills, a light frost covering the entire landscape.

“So are you just going to ignore me?”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

A salty tear rolled down her face, the incoming breeze hitting her dampened face. She inhaled sharply, her chilled skin becoming slimy and cold to the touch.

Brian wouldn’t know that, though, he hadn’t touched her in days. Weeks, even.

She had wanted to say that his words were malicious, with venom dripping from his tone, like some sort of acid was coating his vocal cords.

But they weren’t. His voice never raised a damn octave, staying completely neutral. And it was driving her mad.

“Then what is this, Brian?”

“I’m collecting my thoughts.”

She laughed, the sound lacking its usual melodic intonation that the guitarist adored so much. He was the reasoning behind the dry chuckle, that much he knew, and he hated it. God, how he despised it. But, he would never let it show. How could he, when he was the initiator of the (extremely childish, now that he thought over it) conflict to begin with? He knew his accusation was emptier than the large building they resided in, and he knew that the results would be horrendous.

But jealousy was an ugly green parasite that had rooted itself in Brian May’s heart, slowly consuming him from the inside out. It was like a devil that rested on his left shoulder, insisting that she was unfaithful, taking advantage of his extended leaves. He foolishly acted on the devil’s words, which led to where they were now.

“Well, how long do you need to ‘collect your thoughts’?” She folded her leg under her opposite thigh, leaning towards him, the distance of only a few feet feeling like worlds away to her broken heart. She would always be drawn to him like some sort of magnet, no matter how badly he hurt her.

“I’m not sure, would you like me to do so elsewhere?”

A beat passed.

“Why, so you can go shag someone else, just like I apparently have been?”

Again, silence.

“You were gone for 3 hours every night on every Tuesday the past month-“

“You kept track? You’re out of your damn mind.” She raised her voice, sitting up, suddenly enraged with his obsessive distrust rather than saddened.

“That’s not important-“

“What’s important is that you’re gone on tour for 10 times as long as that, leaving me here completely alone to my own devices! I trust you enough to believe that you remain mine while you’re away, but for some unknown reason, you can’t manage to think the same about me.”

His flippancy on the issue at hand agitated her (or his lack thereof in general, she supposed) to no end. She wanted him to scream and cry, to throw something, to loudly shout, to shed fury fueled tears as she had. She knew it was wrong, but quite frankly she didn’t care.

He tried to speak up for himself, stuttering out something about how he did in fact trust her, but all to no avail. She would have none of it, not now.

“What’s important, Brian, is that every Tuesday, I’m staying 3 hours after work to try to make it so that I don’t have to rely on you for money, because I don’t want you to think even for a moment I’m with you just because you’re some incredibly famous rockstar who happens to be loaded!”

She was standing now, although she couldn't quite remember bringing her body from the comforts of the soft chair by the mantle to her feet. The roaring fire beside her had died down into a flurry of golden embers, heat still radiating from the pile of charred logs, Brian failing to provide even a fraction of the same warmth.

“Because I love you, and as of late, I’m starting to wonder if you love me too.”

He stood, walking over to where she was in a timely manner, his long legs carrying him quickly. Her breath hitched at their sudden proximity, her surprise only growing when he gripped his hands on either side of her face, pulling her forward and capturing her lips in a long awaited union.

She loathed that her stiff figure was melting into him faster than she would like to admit, and she even more, she loathed the fact she knew she always would.

He was able to taste her tears that hadn’t ceased to roll down her face, the bitter droplets seeping onto the tip of his tongue. He pulled away, his right hand caressing her cheekbone while his forehead rested upon hers. His bottom lip quivered, a wave of emotions hitting him like a hurricane in full force.

His eyes become glassy, and all at once, tears flood his eyesight, pouring down his flushed features. He looked down, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. The bawling didn’t stop as he had hoped, though, it just slowed, the liquid dropping onto her shirt.

“I love you, I love you so much that it hurts. And ’m sorry, I’m so incredibly sorry, darling.”

She smiled softly, lightly massaging the top of his scalp, his locks growing frizzy.

“I know. But it’s just so hard- It seems everyone is getting married, and settling down. Hell, even Fred has his cats.”

They both laughed, and she chewed her bottom lip, a habit of hers that Bri had picked up on in the time he’d known her.

“I just get lonely, Bri, and it feels like you never let me know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. That’s all, honest to God.”

They moved to sit down, and he pulled closer than they had been in ages.

“I’ll support you in any way shape or form, no matter what, yeah?”

She simply nodded, leaning onto his shoulder.

“Yeah. I know.”

Raising his eyebrows, he cocked his head, choosing his next words carefully.

“And if you’re serious about, y’know, having a family and ‘settling down’ and everything, I’ll do it.”

She met his eyes, her smile growing wider.

“Really?”

He hummed, nodding his head. “I love you, and this house is far too quiet.”

She giggled, tossing her arms around his neck and throwing herself on him.

“I must say I agree.”

After the grins had retreated into soft smiles, and the two had come to a much more stolid point, she sat up, patting her lap.

Brian understood immediately, laying his tired head down and allowing her to play with his hair. She moved her hands to oh so lightly trace the crook of his nose and the bags under his eyes (from the late nights he spent performing, wishing he was in the exact position he was in now), the ticklish feeling making him nuzzle into her hand with a whine.

She couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful boy beneath her, as even with all the work that there was to be done between them, she felt confident that he was in it for the long haul.

🦔⭑ 🎸

me @ u for reading that

ty for reading, like and rb if u wanna :) go drink some water and eat some protein if u can!

as always, xx hj <3

[woogurl]

DISCLAIMER: I DO WOOSAN ANALYSIS, PLEASE SKIP IF U DON’T LIKE THIS SORT OF STUFF. I’M BY NO MEANS A PROFESSIONAL JUST SHARING MY OPINIONS. :)

so, i decided to make a san jealousy post because before i said i don’t think woo’s a jealous man, but now i think otherwise. however, unlike san woo is a lot more subtle(and at times he’s just outright brash with his jealousy) while san is a lot more transparent in general. so it’s easier to make a post about him. but i will include bonus moments or notable moments of woo’s jealousy. not only that, but we get less moments of woo being clearly jealous because san doesn’t give him much opportunity. ‘cause san is constantly giving him the attention he wants and is trying to woo him...

get it?

no? oke

anyway, i would like to preface this by saying jealous is not a bad emotion. in fact it’s not an emotion. it’s a feeling that every human experiences. unlike emotions a feeling is where you have a decent enough time to think about how to react to something. jealousy is often a feeling of insecurity. this may shock u but this includes ur idols. ‘cause u know they’re not robots. tho it’s understandable to get confused because they’re all so dreamy. but not the point. 

however, jealousy isn’t technically a good thing either and it can also derive from an unhealthy characteristic or trait of being possessive and territorial. to even someone’s detriment. especially if it makes the other party feel smothered, uncomfortable or constricted.  

now. the important question you’re wondering is whether i think san is possessive and territorial. 

well, yes, i do think he is a bit. but not to an unhealthy degree if u ask me. he isn’t overly dominating. such as making everyone else feel uncomfortable because he’s very careful not to impose himself on others. in fact i’d say san is mostly dominant/territorial and jealous because he’s insecure AND possessive.

but that’s enough talking let’s talk about moments of jealousy from san.

let’s start with some iconic jealousy moments that immediately come to mind when we’re talking about woosan. 

this moment where woo kissed seonghwa. as soon as san realized what was happening his body became stiff and awkward. just look at his face in the first ss. lmfao. he instantly became jealous and walked away and said. “i can’t watch this”. it was pretty obvious and his body and face also had a lot of tension which also shows displeasure. 

this moment where he became absolutely shocked that woo caressed seonghwa’s face. please note how he was looking at wooyoung as if he couldn’t believe that he would do something like that to him. san’s face instantly changes from smiling to just pure jealousy in response to woo’s actions.

let’s talk about subtle jealousy, i mentioned this moment in an interview analysis. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/620788572454371328/hey-i-wanted-to-make-a-small-mini-woosan for reference. 

as i pointed out before. san’s jealousy starts the second wooyoung places his hands on yunho. while the moments before show how easily triggered and jealous san can get. i feel like this interview clearly shows san’s possessive side. his jealousy consumes him to the point where he simply cannot focus at all during the end of the interview. it’s also interesting to see san genuinely seeing his members as a threat in this manner. 

let’s talk about another subtle jealous moment, however it’s also very open and aggressive body language. and i’m still surprised san reacted this way. but interesting moment that’s not often talked about. a friend sent this to me in dm a while ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26rscSxwIEU @ 5:25.

san was initially just minding his own business until he noticed woo talking to someone named tag. i was told that this was woo’s friend (ofc who isn’t woo’s friend at this point). as soon as san spotted them he started walking towards them. which surprised me because san is an introvert, he wouldn’t normally react like this in any situation but i def felt like san reacted more aggressively in this atmosphere because he’s aware isac is often a place where idols “meet" cough cough if u get what i mean.

as soon as san approached them he smacked woo hard and i mean hard af on the back. like damn. lol. something u should take note of is a persons status in a group is often revealed through body language. if a person uses dominant indirect/unconscious body language they’re displaying an indirect form of aggression. 

not only that but san adds himself into the conversation. not only that but he touches/tousles woo’s hair which is a pretty affectionate gesture. tag is close to woo but san keeps invading that small space between them and his body and feet are pointed towards woo. you can see tag talking to hj from a decent distance but san is literally taking up that small personal space between woo and tag. he touches woo’s side and continues to try and get closer. u can also see that woo is fidgety avoiding eye contact while san’s eyes and gaze are directly on woo and follows his every move. it’s lowkey scary how san’s eyes are scanning woo. and as soon as woo has to leave the whole convo between them ends abruptly. lol.

next thing i wanna talk about is neck touches. i’ve already made an analysis about this. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/626125803005116416/woosan-neck-touches-this-is-probably-one-of-the?is_related_post=1. but there’s been many more moments since then. and my initial opinion has only solidified since then. 

now i mentioned before that san doesn’t touch the other members neck as often as he touches woo’s neck. and definitely not as often as i thought he did. i mentioned before that does this either out of habit, to comfort or to assert dominance(it could even be all of them depending on the situation). and because san has shown signs of being possessive and territorial. i wouldn’t be surprised if the later was true. here are some recent ex.

san was pretty protective of woo during the surprise youtube vlive. his hands just couldn’t keep off him. lol. and woo as always is extremely comfortable with san’s skinship. not only that but i also think it genuinely comforts him when san does it.

this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAMfdeQ4DcM, was quite interesting. to me it was one of the most interesting recent interactions from them. yet people barely talk about it. lmfao. well it’s understandable ‘cause their interactions were def edited/cut but a lot of moments were cute but here. san was being more possessive and territorial than normal with woo. so much so that the staff literally had to move him. LOL. @4:30 san was lowkey jealous that woo chose yeosang(even tho san was first to volunteer himself) as his guard and not him. but it doesn’t matter because san still ended up next to him. lol. however after some time they moved him and i’m not entirely sure why. i won’t really go into depth about this moment because this post is meant to analyze san’s jealousy as an outcome of possessiveness/protectiveness. 

i would like to highlight again that i do not think san is possessive and territorial in a way that’s imposing. or in a way where he’s trying to dominate a conversation or propose himself as the ‘leader’. i think he’s this way because he’s naturally a caretaker. which is why he seems to want to protect those he genuinely cares about and are possessive over them.

next i wanna discuss this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XslMoD5h3M&list=WL&index=12&t=2s. this video is one where san was particularly touchy and possessive with woo. attempting to physically draw woo into him as much as possible. 

he starts touching woo @1:54. then, @2:15-2:33. and there’s a moment at 2:33 in particular that interest me.

san’s still touching woo, and if you ask me his touches with woo are a bit intimate. and on the side you see seonghwa’s hand on touch san’s waist. and it’s either because 1. he can’t see or 2. he’s warning san of something. @2:40 you can see it more clearly. 

as you can see, seonghwa can’t(omg, joke from gmm don’t mind me). anyway, seonghwa’s kind of leaning forward. but this could also be because he wants to be subtle with his warning to san. you see the thing about subtle moments are.....they’re subtle moments. lol. they’re supposed to be subtle. and when they’re this subtle it’s easy for people to go. ‘oh, you’re overreacting, he’s just looking over’. so for now, i’m gonna say he’s just trying to look over.  

now, i know people wanted me to put the part where san’s hands glide over woo’s back but this isn’t the sexual tension analysis. so anyway san’s hand is placed on woo’s neck @3:00-3:17 until he has to clap. lol. 

san’s back to touching woo @3:35, but seonghwa can’t see again, because san’s pretty pressed up against woo and he’s a little in front of seonghwa and seonghwa keeps trying to pull san back. but at this point what is he trying to see? lol. and if you watch carefully, immediately after hwa touches san’s arm. he moves it. so i’ll leave that up to u guys to interpret it as you wish. there’s a couple of more moments after that where seonghwa attempts to warn or pull san back. and i’m pretty sure it’s because san was being touchy. i’m gonna guess it’s because he really liked woo’s fit that day. 

i mean just look at the way he was looking at him at 3:50. his hands were firmly place on his neck and he was staring at him while licking his lips. 

now let’s talk about how my man san is literally draped over woo at this point @4:46. i wanna mention the way san’s no longer literally holding woo’s neck anymore(which is a pretty possessive gesture because the neck is a pretty intimate are and san feels like he owns woo’s neck or something). now he’s pressed even closer to woo and his arm is wrapped around his him. something san has always done even in predebut is wrap his arms around woo’s shoulder and to me that’s pretty evident body language that he wants to be physically closer to woo by drawing him into him and wants to get rid of space between them which is pretty evident esp in this ss. just look at woosan compared to everyone else. so the reason i added this moment is because it shows how possessive and touchy san to be kind of like displaying ‘he’s mine’ or ‘we’re super close, see?’ and everyone else is just minding their own business while hwa is probably inwardly freaking out. lmfao. 

here’s a similar moment/situation. https://www.vlive.tv/post/0-18364450. the vlive on idol radio with woosan as host. 

we start off the video with san holding woo’s neck. can i just reiterate how intimate this gesture is. also how san often does this to woo and rarely does it with others? just imagine your partner holding your neck like this. it’s a pretty intimate and possessive gesture. it’s not mentioned often but woo’s neck is pretty sensitive and he viscerally reacts when it’s touched by others intentionally intimately. lol. but anyway san holds woo’s neck for quite sometime and their body language is once again so different from everyone elses.

i also wanna mention that someone said the interview with oneus and mostly onf was awkward in my dm. esp the tension between wooyoung and the boy in the green and yellow sweater. i’m sorry i don’t know his name. xD i would have to watch again. ‘cause i’m not sure if there was tension but i do know woo was quite bold in starting their amicus ad aras thing. anyway the clip was relatively short so not much to be said.

next this vlive. https://www.vlive.tv/post/1-18386548. san was pretty hyper here. lmfao. excited from the start he was already clinging to woo. 

but we’re here to pinpoint possessive/jealous san. lol. he starts holding on to woo around 21:45-22:57. he holds on for quite a while. lol. 

he let’s wooyoung’s neck breath for a while before it’s yeosang comes in @23:07 and he grabs it again. lol. and at 23:38 as woo was gonna blow in yeosang’s ear san comes down to peck woo’s head and grabs his shoulders with both hands. lol. 

and of course he continues holding woo and gets closer to him and he checks to see if the staff is looking at him weirdly. lol. 

he holds on to him a while longer before yeosang finally get up. i would also like to say san was following woo around for a bit previously before this happened. lol. now as woo gets up the camera kind of goes somewhere else and jongho’s kind of in the way(it’s oke, we love to see his handsome face). so i couldn’t really see exactly what happened but @25:15 woo clings on to hwa and san’s like, ‘oh...alright’ lmfao. i also wanna mention woo tried to peak under hwa’s shirt. at this point we can say he’s not only an ass man but a tummy/abs man oke. anyway that’s it in conclusion san loves to touch and hold on to woo in any way possible. 

i also wanna mention the moments where san wraps his arms around woo’s waist, because i also think this is possessive/territorial body language. i’ve made a whole comp of this because san does it that often. 

THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG. so i wanna bring up a few of the online fansign moments. it difficult to interpret these because 1. they’re short clips without much context and 2. i don’t understand what’s being said but i’m gonna analyze this from body language alone.

so something we know about san is he often initiates contact first and i’ll be making an analysis talking about this soon. but anyway in a lot of these moments san is just in wooyoung’s space, but woo gets in san’s too and these moments make me realize woo can be just as possessive and territorial as san. because they crave for each others attention. (you can find most of these moments on woosan insta’s acc’s like kn nk, yowoosan, etc.)

here woo is talking to a fan but san suddenly pops out of nowhere and waves his hand as if he’s waving the fan away. i’m not sure what else this could have meant. i don’t think he was waving at the staff(who i think are in front of them) to leave ‘cause he was looking at the camera. he then left and came back and wrapped his arm around woo and left again and then came back and said something to woo, but woo looked annoyed. possibly bc he was trying to interact with the fan and san kept invading his space. to me it looked like san was being possessive, craving woo’s attention esp bc woo’s interest and attention was on the fan at that time.

i’m not gonna post all of the moments bc this post is already too long, but i think the fansigns showed how they both want each others attention and how possessive they can be. san’s jealousy appears more often because he’s just generally more transparent than woo. but anyway i’m tired, thas it. 

i’m gonna just do a separate post for woo, ‘cause it’s just too long. xD

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

[reydelcastill0]

Between Dirt & Water

Word Count: ~3530

Characters: Fundy, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit, Tubbo_

Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Fundy

About: Wilbur Soot is told one day that he has a kid. Being a responsible dad, he takes in the young fox kit he's told is his and swears to protect them. He just want to protect his son, Fundy, and he'll ensure that, within and out of L'Manberg walls, he'll make his son happy.

Other: Fundy is Trans; Fundy uses all the pronouns; he goes from it to them to her to he; tubbo is blonde because of his skin!; Wilbur has a brown fox tail because i said so; sally the salmon is NOT canon-compliant /hj

Truthfully, he hadn't expected to have a kid. Not at the cusp of war and certainly not with a salmon. But it happened. The salmon told him about the baby one morning and how surprised it was to see that the baby was not like other salmon spawn. Confused, Wilbur followed the fish up the river, ignoring the curious eyes of all the other fish who swam around. Wilbur nervously flicked his tail. The eyes of the salmon are very prying and knowing. He does not like it.

Wilbur is very careful as he follows the fish to go see his kid. He doesn't want to step onto SMP land. Without established L'Manberg boarders, even straying far from his caravan is risky. He expects to be ambushed at any moment of every moment of his life. He doesn't even know if he can trust the salmon. It might be lying about a kid. Dream is the type to try and use anything against his enemies. A fish who once meant something to Wilbur would be a great opportunity.

"How old is it?" Wilbur asks quietly.

The fish peaked out of the water to speak, "A few suns," it replies. Wilbur lets out a noise of acknowledgement. He isn't even sure if he wants to meet his child. But he'll take responsibility for it, because that's what father do, right?

"How long did you know?" He asks. It seems unfair and really suspicious to have sprung this on Wilbur. They've stopped walking by now so that they could talk. If this is an ambush in the end, Wilbur wants to stall it.

"I knew I would have my spawn around this time, but I assumed all of them would be like any other salmon," it tells him, "I wouldn't have even known if any of my spawn were yours."

"So you didn't tell me-?"

"So I didn't tell you," the fish interjects. Its black and beady eyes stare at Wilbur unamusedly. Wilbur makes note that it sounds like this kid is an inconvenience. "But one of my spawn is very clearly yours. It has your eyes."

They walk in silence the rest of the way. When Wilbur sees the child, Wilbur thinks as to how the salmon only made comment on the eyes. The child, a young fox kit, bears not even a single resemblance to the salmon surrounding it.

"A fox?" He questions the validity of this being his child. The kit looks like any other fox kit, so he can't even be sure it's his kid. Yeah, he is part fox himself and he has the tail to prove, but this fox kit is so generic and so much more like a fox than he is...

"You're the only one who could even have fox kits," the fish states sternly, "and it certainly wasn't abandoned here. You're the only fox around here." He wants to correct the salmon and say he isn't even a full fox, but he supposes that furthers its point.

He still barely believes that this is his kid. It's a fox, that's for sure, but it could be any old fox. The salmon says that it knows no foxes though, Wilbur being the closest thing to fox as there can be around her. So it has to be his kid, despite the fox remaining mostly submerged in water. If it's a few days old, it probably can't even see and he certainly doesn't expect it to get up and walk. It might not even have eaten since its own birth, which provides Wilbur half a thought to go get it some food. He ignores the urge to do so as soon as possible once the salmon starts talking.

"I can't take care of a fox, Wilbur." Wilbur should have expected that. What could a salmon do to provide for a fox? If anything, the salmon should fear for its life. Its child is a threat to its own family.

Sighing, he simply says, "Ok." He finally moves, not having done so when he arrived to the spawn area. Without a word, he steps into the river to get closer to the kit. He realizes too late that maybe he should have taken off his boots, but it doesn't matter any more. He wades in deeper until he is right beside his kid. All the salmon in the area swim swiftly away.

He picks up the fox slowly, mindful of how it becomes panicked. It lets out a little cry, and something within him decides then and there what his future holds. Bringing it to his chest, he makes his way back to dry land, hushing the baby in his arms. It barely looks human or salmon-y, but he can take care of it. He'll make everything better for it. He'll build this nation if it means his kid is safe. Yeah, he's reluctant about being a father, but he'll do it. No matter the cost.

Wilbur finds himself a bit stressed. The fox kit cries a lot, and really loud, too. Tending to it is very difficult, but making sure the surrounding area is safe is the difficult part. If Wilbur leaves for too long, he's afraid that the kit will get hurt. It needs him almost all hours of the day.

So Wilbur ignores border maintenance for a bit and hopes the SMP doesn't take notice. Dream is ruthless. He would take any opportunity he is given to destroy L'Manberg.

Wilbur lays his kit on his bed, laying down beside it, curling up to keep it warm in the late hours of the night. He barely sleeps. Worries of what could happen keep him up. He is upset to have had a child in the middle of war. To atone for his biggest mistake, he will protect his kit with his life. He'll dedicate every day to it if he needs to.

It takes a week of sleepless nights and calling his kit every variation of infant he could think of before he comes up with a name. They're too young for him to tell what they are, so he settles for any name. The first he thinks of is Fundy. The name reminds him of his family and he think it suits the kid. Fundy Soot, the first citizen to be born in L'Manberg (he'll claim the river as his land later, just to make it official).

Wilbur often takes Fundy out to the lake his caravan is beside (but never to the river, he thinks it's too risky). He doesn't ever dip them into the water, but he dips his own feet in. He's raising a fox, his child, but also the child of a salmon. To think he would ever form a connection to the water was baffling, but that doesn't matter. Fundy isn't treated any less because of their other parent. Wilbur doesn't care about that, he only cares about Fundy.

Months later, when Fundy starts walking on their hind legs, does Wilbur decide to finally check what he should start calling them. He almost sticks with calling them 'them', but he figures he should make more of an effort to understand them. 'They,' 'them,' and 'theirs' sounds impersonal in this context, in his opinion, for the simple reason that he just doesn't know much about his own kid. After checking them, he comes to be happy to say that he'll make this nation great for his daughter.

Now that she is walking around on two legs, though she does switch between two and four legs, he decides now is as good as a time to get her clothes.

"Fundy," he starts firmly, "I need you to be a good girl for papa, ok? I need you to stay inside and to stay quiet, ok?" His voice cracks at the end, fear of what may happen to her in his absence.

She whines in response, but nods. He smiles, his worries easing up slightly. He puts a finger to his lips makes a shushing sound. She tries to repeat it, but she can't quite do it, so she only presses a finger to her muzzle.

Wilbur packs a bag and heads off. His goal is kid's clothes. Anything he could manage to grab, but a dress or a big shirt would do good. He doubts any pants he'd be able to find would even fit Fundy. He'll learn to tailor some if he needs to, but he doesn't have time for that right now.

He wonders if anyone in the SMP has kid's clothes he can sneak off with. He doesn't dare set a foot near the main houses, though. He may be on good terms with a few people, but Dream would sick anyone on Wilbur and every SMP member would have no choice but to comply.

He comes across a dirt shed eventually, at the top of a hill. It almost seems abandoned, but the nearby carrot farm is too maintained and the inside of the shed is too... Lived in? To be abandoned. He rummages through the first chests he sees. There are a lot of shirts there. Lots of identical white shirts and even a couple green button-ups. He stuffs one of both into his bag and quietly closes the chest. He tries to find other rooms with chests, but it seems the storage area was the main room...

While he's about to leave, he hears a couple young voices talking to each other. Neither sound like any members of "The Dream Team," thankfully, but the unfamiliarity leaves him uneasy. He tries to sneak out, but he only knows of one exit out of here and the voices are just where it is.

He doesn't have time to hide when two blond kids are at the front door. One of them pulls out a sword quickly, the other not doing so quite quick enough. Wilbur should have brought a sword of his own. He hopes these kids are nothing like Dream.

"Who are you?" One of them shouts. He pushes the sword forward slightly, urging Wilbur to talk. He gets the point, but Wilbur only stares at the doorway. He won't answer.

"I didn't know we were having a visitor," the other one says after a few seconds. His sword is also pointed to Wilbur. A quick look at the kid and he sees no malice behind his eyes, but the kid seems like he is still ready to make a swing. If anything, Wilbur could take them on, but he's unarmed and these kids are the opposite— fists against swords, Wilbur would be at a disadvantage.

"I—," the first kid lowers his stance a moment and turns to the other one, "We're not supposed to have visitors, Tubbo!"

"Oh," the other one, Tubbo?, responds, "You didn't invite anyone?" He, Tubbo, takes a glance to the lowered sword and subtly lowers his own.

"No, Tubbo, I didn't invite anyone." The unnamed kid takes a moment to sigh and fully lowers his sword. Tubbo looks down to it and then glances to Wilbur (he knows what he was doing). Tubbo repeats the dejected sound from earlier, but he doesn't sound disappointed. The not-Tubbo kid runs a hand through his hair and, with no effort, points his sword to Wilbur.

"Who are you?" He repeats.

Wilbur figures he'll get home sooner if he complies. "Soot," he says. He's sure Dream would have warned everyone of Wilbur, the one L'Manberg citizen (Dream likely doesn't know about Fundy).

"Soot?" Tubbo asks, as thought he's connecting dots, "Like Wil-" Wilbur is sure Tubbo says his full name, but the other kid speaks over him.

"Soot? You mean like Wilbur Soot? Oh Dream would be so proud of me if I caught you," the kid says, "He would be like 'Tommy you are so cool.'" Wilbur knows Dream would never even say anything remotely close to that. The kid, Tommy?, stiffens his grip on his sword, changing from relaxed to serious.

"Listen, no— I'm not, uh," Wilbur thinks for a moment, before he finishes what he was saying, "I'm Fundy Soot. Have you heard of me?" Wilbur becomes very aware of his tail for a moment. Dream would probably have mentioned that Wilbur has a tail. He keeps it as still as he can and fights back a whine of worry. He just wants to get back to his daughter.

"Fundy?" Both boys inquire and, with immense disappointment, Tommy lowers his sword once again. Wilbur nods and they shake their heads.

"Why are you in our house, Soot," Tommy says, his tone accusatory. Wilbur doesn't think Tommy believed him one bit, but he'll take this over a fight.

"I was just looking for some clothes for my daughter," he answers honestly. He lets his shoulders sag to further sell the truth.

"Ooh, how old is she?" Tubbo asks, "Maybe I can help you!"

Tommy pulls Tubbo aside for a moment. Wilbur vaguely hears a 'we don't work with the enemy.'

Wilbur takes that chance to try and sneak by. He goes behind Tommy, noting that Tubbo is very aware that Wilbur is taking off.

"Um, Tommy," Tubbo starts. Wilbur's eyes widen and he realizes how dumb it was to think escape would be that easy.

"What, Tubbo?"

Tubbo takes another look at Wilbur and then looks back to Tommy, "If he's a dad, why wouldn't we help him?" Tommy stops for a moment. Wilbur can't tell if Tommy is is genuinely thinking or if he's staring at Tubbo like Tubbo is crazy.

Wilbur is gone before Tommy notices he left. He makes it home before sunrise, but all he scored was two shirts. Slipping the red and white t-shirt (that Wilbur is sure must belong to the Tommy kid) over Fundy, Wilbur thinks back to how lucky he came across those two kids and not Dream or his team.

Wilbur coos when he sees Fundy in the shirt. She's so adorable! His heart won't last long if his daughter is just so cute.

Fundy makes a happy noise back and makes grabby motions to be picked up. Someday, the world will be perfect— just for her.

Months later and Fundy says her first words. "Flower," she yips, and Wilbur almost falls apart at hearing her talk. He loves her so much. He exclaims happily and picks her up. She laughs with the same enthusiasm and pats her dad's head.

He makes more of an effort to teach her English. As Fundy's schedule shifts to a more manageable one, Wilbur begins writing songs for her. He sings them to her before she sleeps, or while they're eating by a campfire, or when she plays in the water. He makes an effort to teach her some of his songs. She seems to greatly enjoy the music. He's glad to pass that love down to his daughter.

She even starts making her own songs, humming mostly, but he's so proud of her.

One night, as she's singing to Wilbur, she suddenly stops and scatters behind the log she was standing on. He hears her try to dig.

"Fundy?" Wilbur whisper shouts, worried as to what scared his daughter. He stands up quickly, but hears a twig snap behind him. He grabs for his sword (he keeps it around in case he was ambushed) and swings it behind himself.

"Woah there, Fundy," a young voice hurriedly says. Wilbur immediately recognizes Tommy and Tubbo.

"What are you doing here?" Wilbur growls out. They didn't act so maliciously last time, but they weren't acting according to Dream's orders. Wilbur can't be sure if they're here because Dream told them to be. He doesn't think rationally, for if he was he would have noticed they were unarmed.

"We came to visit!" Tubbo says, "Was that your daughter? Is she Fundy Jr.?" Tubbo is trying to change the subject. He isn't sure if he is doing it to calm Tommy or Wilbur down.

"Yeah... We came to visit. Your name isn't Fundy, is it?" Tommy says, straight to the point.

"Why are you two visiting?" Wilbur deflects.

Tommy eyes Tubbo for a moment before speaking. "We wanted to listen to you sing," he says. Wilbur isn't sure if it's honest, but Tubbo emphasizes Tommy's statement by sitting on the log Wilbur was sat at.

"My daughter is scared of you guys," Wilbur states plainly.

"What's her name?" Tubbo asks. He whispers, clearly aware that being loud might be startling.

Wilbur hesitates. "... Fundy." Tubbo tilts his head, but he smiles and whispers out the name. "What's your names?" Wilbur's sword is still pointed, but not really at the boys. He takes a moment to really understand the situation. The boys are unarmed, but Fundy is still cowering behind a log. These boys are the first players, beside Wilbur, that Fundy has met. This could be very stressful for her.

As the boys introduce themselves (he already knows their names), Wilbur goes to get Fundy.

"I'm Tommy the Coolest Man Ever, and they're name is Tubbo," Tommy says. Wilbur takes note that maybe he should switch the pronouns he uses for Tubbo. "And your name, Mr.Soot?"

"Wilbur," he tells the two. It doesn't matter. If they're on his land, they probably already know. Dream must've told him.

"Right, well, Big Dubs, we figured that out," Tommy says, his tone implying an underlying 'ha I was right!' Tubbo nods. Wilbur expected this. He picks up Fundy and whispers to her, telling her that the boys are nice. She cautiously looks to them and waves. He expected this shy behavior. He was just like her when he was younger. Shy and cautious of everyone. It's the fox in them. Strangers are unwelcome. It takes a good bit of convincing to accept a new person.

Or constant conditioning to take away the shy.

"Hi," Fundy mumbles.

It doesn't take long for Fundy to get used to the boys. They stick around more often, so Fundy has a lot of time to get used to them. Tommy and Tubbo sneak out often to go visit Wilbur, and sometimes Tubbo brings new shirts or even dresses for Fundy (WIlbur doesn't know where they get them). They come around a lot, to the point that the boys proclaim themselves Wilbur's little brothers, not before claiming themselves to be Fundy's uncles of course.

They play with her a lot. She's growing fast. At this point, she's almost as old the boys (Wilbur almost thought they were twins, but it turns out Tubbo is nearly two years older), but just shy of. She hangs out with them so much and kind of takes after them. She especially gets along with Tubbo who shares a passion for music as well.

Tommy likes the music, too, but his passions for it aren't as strong. He does, however, take pride in a music disc he has. Tommy takes it to L'Manberg. They have fun listening to it. Tommy then goes on about how much he loves this disc. And that devolves into a night of rants, confessions, and the boys seem to trust Wilbur enough to confide in him.

He's glad. He wonders if he and the boys would be as close as they were if they met under different conditions. If he never formed L'Manberg, would he have even met them?

Fundy, too, confides in Wilbur. He takes a moment to wonder if he would have still have had Fundy if he never formed L'Manberg.

"Dad" Fundy starts. She tugs at Wilbur's shirt. Maybe's she's tired. "I'm a boy. Like Tommy and Tubbo." She— no, he— He pulls Wilbur with him, leading him to the caravan. "I'm tired."

Wilbur's mind had blanked for a moment (the bluntness took him off guard), but Fundy snaps him out of it when he insists that Wilbur unlock the door. In a rush, he picks Fundy up and looks into his eyes (he thinks that maybe they do look like his own). "Look at my son!" He exclaims to the world, "Look at my son!"

Fundy is confused for a moment, but then he yips and hugs his dad tightly.

Wilbur swears to make life as perfect as it can be for his son. It takes some four to five years for Fundy to be grown big. He looks older than the boys now. Wilbur thinks that Fundy is about as old as Wilbur was when Fundy was born.

Regardless, Wilbur hopes the world is good enough for Fundy. He grew up so fast and the war isn't finished yet. He hoped it would be. He hoped he'd be able to have ended it by now. But he's made L'Manberg safer. Tommy and Tubbo officially moved into L'Manberg. An embassy was established (it's the dirt shed Wilbur stumbled into that one day).

Truthfully, he hadn't expected to have a kid. Not at the cusp of war and certainly not with a salmon. But it happened. And he doesn't regret it. Fundy is his pride and joy. He would gladly do anything for him. Through thick and thin, through blood and tears, it doesn't matter. He'd do anything for his son.

[enderspawn]

🎼 (I can’t find the correct emoji lol) exile arc tommy?

Oh boy! (opens up breakdown playlist) /hj

Montreal – Penelope Scott

Sleep with a Baseball Bat – Cosmic Johnny

Brother – Gerard Way

breakdown under cut, tw for suicidal ideation on the first song esp

1.       Montreal – heehee hoohoo suicidal/depression thoughts baby!!

I mean in short this is tommy saying he wont Survive exile. The intro of the song lists when the singer would be home from college/school and that “another 90 day summers gonna take [their] fucking life” which is rlly just. Tommy not gonna live THAT long in exile.

“And I would rather die And let me make it clear It's nobody's fault But I think we all know That I won't make it to Montreal”

So the thing here is that its “nobody’s fault” bc on one hand it is that he doesn’t blame tubbo but worse he doesn’t blame DREAM. Its just meant to happen, its not bc of anybody, yknow?

“And I would rather die I'll jump before I'll fall And I'm having lots of fun But I won't make it Montreal”

Mans tried to jump to his death before he “fell” whether bc of dream or an accident, hes makin the active CHOICE to end it rather than just waiting. Even w the fun he’s having w dream, he’s miserable and he knows he wont make it to see lmanberg again

“You like to talk about the future As if it's real And when you tell me that you love me I can almost feel it”

Dream keeps promising him stuff for the future. Maybe he can visit to see the tree, maybe he can get another visit, maybe he wont be alone. But tommy doesn’t care, its all fake to him (which like, it is so good for him but fjkdlsjf)

“It's not that it's a bad plan No, the plan fucking slapped I was so excited you don't know how bad I wanted all of it The coffee shop, the weather, the apartment But I don't want anything anymore I don't know, I guess I just got bored”

Okay so. Tommy kept trying to get shit together to leave, right? He wanted to go back so bad and have this domestic life w his friends but in the end he just got so downtrodden that after his shit got blown up he was so ready to just GIVE UP.

“And I don't wanna die I don't wanna get left behind But it's better half than none I hope to god you have some fun”

He doesn’t want to be in this situation, he still CARES abt the lmanberg crew but in the end hes been told that they’re happy WIHTOUT him. He’s not angry at them, not anymore, he just wants them to be happy bc he isn’t.

2.       Sleep with a Baseball Bat – tommy and dream relationship baby!!

“And every time you wake up Thinking this could be the day Well something, something just”

Every day in exile he had no real plans. He just had to exist out there alone and hope someone else came. This IS the day he can do…. Something. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a goal.

“And when your love is an anxiety attack Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat”

Hes been manipulated into thinkin dream is his friend, that dream “loves” him but it makes him miserable! Hes paranoid and stressed and falling apart!! Boy!!! Fjdsklfj

“Siena says you’re getting used But something’s broken in your head And you can’t run away when you need to”

The other ppl who visited him, like ranboo, KNEW something was happening and that he was in a bad place but tommy had been manipulated by dream so much that he couldn’t process it. No, dream couldn’t be bad, dream was his friend, right? He couldn’t leave exile, dream would be upset. Its all what DREAM wants, not tommy.

“Hey, space cadet Are you still floating round the rock That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from? And does it at least look different from up there?”

OKAY SO ONE. SPACE CADET? THAT’S CLARA BABY!! TWO: he spent ALL his time on this server fucking fighting dream, trying to “get away from” him. But now hes stuck “floating around” with him as his “friend”. The last line feels sarcastic and bitter but like. FUCK it hits, yknow??

“It might take a couple tries till you believe it But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it But you still have to take a couple of falls And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls So batter up Is your bed made? Is your helmet on?”

HAPPY ENDING POG!! HE STARTS HEALING!!!! HE STARTS REALIZING DREAM WASN’T HIS FRIEND!!! He still “falls” and relapses into wanting dream w him but hes so much better!!! Also,,,,, “is your helmet on” w the turtle shell helmet (eyes emoji)

3.       Brother – IF TECHNO AND TOMMY NOT BROTHERS WHY THIS SON—(gunshot rings out)

Okay so on a serious note this song is abt addiction and while I don’t want to take away from that Serious Topic, it Does relate but w tommy dealing w his ptsd of dream

“And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up And can I sleep on your couch To the pound of the ache and pain? Oh, in my head 'Cause I'm awake all night long To the drums of the city rain”

Hhrhnrng staying at technos place to hide from dream and get better a lil JFKDLSJK. Also “the drums of the city rain” is referenced a LOT in this song but like. It keeps him up so,,,,,, dream JFKDLSJF. Mans barely ever slept in exile so it WORKS okay jfkdlsjf

“The lights we chase The nights we steal The things that we take to make us feel this (To the drums of the city rain)”

This is him and techno livin together!! Like in the first chorus you could see lights we chase being tommy finding techno’s place, then later it’s the lights of lmanberg as they sneak in. the nights they steal is both just time spent together and also straight up the times they stole shit JFKDSLJ. “the things that we take to make us feel” is the gapples tommy always eats so that he can feel safe (also, bc in the og song this is PROBABLY abt drugs and potions are drugs in universe so. Arguably getting a potion effect from the apple means it is Also Drugs? Fjdkslfj)

“I can't go back I don't think I will I won't sleep tonight as long as I still Hear the drums of the city rain”

Go back to logstedshire or lmanberg you ask?? The answer is yes. Both. He feels like he doesn’t belong in lmanberg and logstedshire is too traumatizing for him to return at this point. As long as he “hears the drums of the city rain”, or is thinking of dream, he Cant Sleep:tm:

“Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? 'Cause I believe that every night There's a chance we can walk away So hold on tight Because I won't wait too long In the drums of the beating rain”

Okay so hear me out but. This is just tommy and dream. “I believe that every night theres a chance we can walk away” is tommy hoping desperately for dream to let him go home, to walk away from logstedshire. He never will be permitted, not really, but theres a chance that tommy clings to. He wont “wait too long” while out in exile and stuck w dream bc hes desperate and miserable (also fun fact these analysis is basically me just pmv’ing shit in my head and rambling vaguely abt it but like. Listen,,,, flashback verse jfkdsljf) ALSO. The line “does anyone have the guts to shut me up” in relation to exile!tommy is just VERY important to me. Mans was so quiet and afraid to speak up when in exile.

“'Cause the nights don't last And we leave alone Will you drive me back? Can you take me home? (To the drums of the city rain)”

Following up that last paragraph, this is still in flashback. The days end and dream leaves again, making tommy alone. He asks if he can go back, if he can see home and lmanberg and everyone. But echoing the “to the drums of the city rain” after home CAN imply that “home” has become logstedshire WITH DREAM even tho it keeps him up and aaAAAAAHHHH

I swear this ends up okay and techno + tommy focused fjkdsljf

“Faces I don't know I am tired in the glow”

He feels isolated from everyone during his exile and lashes out at those who visit, to the point he feels like they’re all more or less strangers and “faces he doesn’t know”. Being tired in the glow is, imo, him over the lava.

“Of the freezing club Keep me breathing Don't make the lights come back Can you take me home? We all need this When we leave alone”

Hhhngg okay so tommy breakdown time! Hes in techno’s house (the freezing club) and is just pleading for techno to help. Don’t let “the lights come back” (lava again maybe? He doesn’t want to be Like This?) and just wants to feel like hes at home because hes just left exile and hes Messed Up Over It

“Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down To the place we can hear them play I miss that sound 'Cause now we don't sing so loud To the drums of the city rain”

OKAY SO THEY MAY NOT BE CANON FAMILY BUT WILBUR REMEMBERS SPARRING W TECHNO AS A KID AND PHIL IS HIS CLOSE FRIEND SO THEY STILL KNEW EACH OTHER AS KIDS SO SHUSH FJSDKL. Tommy just wants things to go back to how they were, before everything. When things were easy and they were kids just having fun. He misses it. Before exile, before lmanberg, before dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re stuck in this now. With his brother dead and his closest friend being the man who killed his best friend and helped blow up his country. Again, the drums of the city rain is dream. Because of his influence, its all different.

Hhhngngngn this is too long so I wont go into the last outro bc you can interpret it a LOT of ways, esp depending on how you want to Pace this song w the exile arc. But like. The analysis is THERE if you really wanna push it/animatic it babeyyy

[imaginariumrpc]

okay so the lovely @imbicilite​ / @whitrph​ and i were talking and it gave me the idea and we thought it was a great idea to spread it around so here’s how it goes: when talking with someone about pretty much anything tbh, but especially for something that could potentially be triggering, communicate with color codes based on city traffic lights ! GREEN means it’s good to talk about these things and you’re not feeling triggered by the topic, YELLOW means to slow down or stop talking about the topic at for now while RED means to stop the conversation about the topic immediately until green again where the conversation can divert into another topic or they feel safe to talk about it again !! this is EXTREMELY important, because it’s a way to alert others that you’re going to be talking about something that could possibly upset someone because of the subject matter, especially for those who may get triggered by a certain topic - even without you realizing it because squicks and triggers can honestly be anything, it could be different words or phrases or certain topics - and can cause severe anxiety in those affected, even panic attacks or flashbacks, and because we want to be considerate and respectful towards one another, it’s important that we use these to help our friends and fellow rpers know that we’re going to be posting or talking about something they might not want to see or talk about, and it’s of utmost importance to make them feel safe, it’s best to use this to be a more supportive friend and a member of the rpc!!

on a sidenote, i’m also here to tell you about tone indicators !! keep in mind that i didn’t come up with nor invent the concept of tone tags itself, but it was being spread around for a while now and i’d figured i’d talk about it !! essentially, tone indicators are used to indicate if the person is joking, being serious, etc., neurodivergent people often have trouble conveying and understanding emotion and tone through written text, using tone indicators is really helpful for neurodivergent people to make it easier for them to read/convey, it is also very helpful for people with anxiety. i encourage anyone who reads this to also type the meaning of the tone tag ( i.e: i love you !! /p for platonic ), so it is more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled people, like those who use screen readers.

“why should we use tone tags?” one might ask, but as an autistic, disabled and otherwise neurodivergent person myself, sometimes i don’t always get my friends and fellow mutual’s tones by their message but when they use tone indicators, it helps me understand and, not to mention that it can be really helpful and avoid misunderstandings. i would also like to note that NOT ALL neurodivergent people want you to use tone indicators on them, so if they don’t want you to use tone tags on them, please respect their wishes.

“i don’t like tone tags!” one might add, well, okay... but don’t make fun of the people that use them, it’s not a big deal, and if you’re a neurotypical who insists on not using tone tags when a neurodivergent person clearly asked you to, get your head out of your ass.

“using /j at the end of a joke ruins it!!” one might bitch, and okay but... it might be ruined for you, but it still makes me laugh, personally, so please try and get used to it, and not to mention, what’s more important: making sure you’re clear with your tone so that there’s no misunderstandings or throwing a fit just because the joke’s ruined for you?

additionally, some other things to keep in mind !! please do not mock the use of tone tags, you may not need them but some people do, not everyone can tell when something is a joke, when someone’s either being platonic, romantic or sexual in intentions, etc.,, especially when there’s no visual cues or tones of voice to help us, just be nice about it, it’s... really not hard, man. if you don’t use a tone tag and someone reads the tone of your statement incorrectly, do not get upset with them or laugh at them for not getting it - that is perpetuating ableism and/or sanism, whether you intentionally intend it or not. just kindly clarify and next time, keep in mind that tone tags are very helpful for neurodivergent, disabled and people with anxiety disorders. using a tone tag isn’t an excuse to be mean either, you can’t just say something mean or not cool and then put /j ( “joking” ) after it to get away with it, don’t be an ass. if you’re saying something that could be anxiety inducing for others, i would highly recommend putting the tone tags at not only the end but also the beginning of that post. do not intentionally use tone tags incorrectly “as a joke”, to confuse people, etc., the entire point of tone tags is to clarify, not confuse people, if you intentionally use them incorrectly, you’re an ass. keep in mind that no one has to use all the tone tags, use what you’d like, respect others who use what they would like, use them however feels rights to you. for me personally, sometimes i use multiple, sometimes only one, or sometimes none at all, just do what feels right, depending on who i’m talking to and how long i’ve known this person or group of people i’m speaking to, it’ll be fine, and if someone asks for clarification on what you mean, that’s okay, kindly clarify for them. additionally, please be patient if people don’t know what tone tags are, someone might not even be aware of what they are and that’s not their fault, just patiently explain it to them or link them to a source !! education always helps !! please don’t use “/srs or serious” as a joke, some neurodivergent and/or disabled people don’t need you to use three tone tags, and in my case, i’m presuming you’re neurotypical if you’re doing that when conversing with me, but what i’m trying to say is it looks like you’re babying us neurodivergents / disabled folx, so try to use only two tags ( that is, if that person is okay with it !! ), because some people don’t need you to use three tags.

please note that the following aren’t every single example out there and there are different terminologies in different languages, but they are important, a few examples of these are: 

“/j = joking / used when saying something in a joking manner, “so im pretty much the president of oreos /j”, 

“/hj = half joking / used when saying something that’s kind of a joke but kind of serious / “well,,,,, im usually right /hj” / 

“/s or /sarc / refers to the opposite of what you really want to say / “i just [clenches fists] love...... being sad..... /s”, 

“/srs / used when saying something you really mean / “i really appreciate you /srs””, 

“/nsrs = not serious / used when saying something not too seriously / “you’re the worst /nsrs”, 

“/lh = lighthearted = used when something’s said lightheartedly / “hEY LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS /lh” / i’d say something like this when me and my friends would get into a silly argument and they’re trying to ask my opinion on a topic”, 

“/ij = referring to something that’s only understood by people with special knowledge about something, typically only a small group of friends or a group of people would be aware of, those outside of the group would most likely be confused by it or not find it funny in the same way people within in the group would / “aAAAAAAAAA MY NUGGIES!!!!! /ij””, 

“/ref = a reference to media, usually movies, tv, music, etc., “yOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSSSS /ref”, 

“/t = teasing, use when teasing someone or provoking someone, often playfully, “aiight sure mx idk wtf im doin /t”, 

“nm = not mad, to indicate you’re not actually mad or upset about something / “ow... i felt that /nm”, 

“lu = a little upset / used when about about something or someone, but not too upset / “oh... that sucks /lu”, 

“/nbh = “nobody here” = often used when talking about something vague to ensure your friends it’s not indirectly to or about them / “sometimes i just wanna..... tell someone to shut the fuck up /nbh”, 

“/nay = not at you / used when saying something but not meaning it at the person you’re responding to / “god i can’t stand lame people /nay”, 

“/ay = “at you”, make the person aware you’re addressing them”, 

“/g or /gen = used when saying or asking something for real / “i’m proud of you /g” or “have you watched the news?? /gen”, 

“/th = threat, used when giving a genuine threat / “if you don’t stop, i’ll block you /th”, 

“/p = platonic, a friendship type of love, used when saying something with platonic intentions / “i love you /p”, 

“/r = romantic intentions, typically of partners when saying something with romantic intentions / “i love you /r””, 

“/a = alterous, an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being at all or entirely platonic and/or romantic, used when saying with alterous intentions / “i love you /a””

“/m = metaphor / used when saying something metaphorically / “god you’re a shining star /m””

“/li = literal / used when saying something literally / “i hate pears /li””

“/rh = rhetorical / a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer / used when saying or asking something rhetorically / “who cares? /rh””

“/hyp = hyperbole, exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally ; “i have a million things to do today”

“/sx = sexual intent, used when meaning something in a sexual way”, 

“/nsx = nonsexual intent, used when meaning something in a not sexual way”, 

“/pos = positive / used when saying something and meaning it in a positive way / “omg im gonna cry /pos”, implied they’re crying for a happy reason”, 

“/neg = negative / used when saying something and meaning it in a negative way / “omg im gonna cry /neg”, implied they’re crying for an upsetting reason”, and 

“/neu = neutral / used to show that what you’re saying is neutral or that you feel indifferent about it / “yeah i don’t care man do what you want /neu”, you don’t care about something but not in a mean or a negative way, you’re just indifferent”.

on a final note, HERE is a list of tone tags both in english and in other languages ( namely italian, spanish, portuguese, french, polish, german, lithuanian, serbian, dutch, indonesian, romanian, bulgarian, russian, hebrew, japanese, mandarin and korean !! ) and HERE are the list of sources about the content of tone tags !! i wish everyone reading this a lovely day !!

[santoteez]

A Manhattan Tale - Seonghwa (4)

Parts: 4 of ?

Masterlist HERE

Genre: Chef!Seonghwa, FormerDrugdealer!Seonghwa, FormerKingpin!Hongjoong, Bad boy/ Good Girl kinda??

Warnings: Love interest is a Black Female, sexual contact (kissing and stuff), swearing, eventual smut, mentions of abandonment (kinda)

Requested: yes

NOTE: This fic does NOT, in any way, shape, or form, portray the way I view any member of Ateez nor does it depict their true personalities or actions. This AU is just that. An AU. All family members are FICTIONAL.

They walked into Seonghwa’s studio apartment after retrieving Zelie’s things. The curly-haired girl looked around before setting her bag down. Seonghwa’s place wasn’t much, but it was home. A full-sized bed in one corner, with menu drafts and a laptop on the nightstand. The other side was the kitchen/ dining area, where clean pots and pans sat atop of the stove, and a set of knives tucked away on the marble countertop. Along the one was a small, black leather couch.

“I know it’s not as nice as your place is. Or…was.” Seonghwa said, his footsteps resonating on the hardwood floor.

Zelie shook her head. “No! This is a great place!”

Seonghwa chuckled. “I know you’re just saying that, but thanks.”

“I’m serious. It’s great because it’s yours. You took an empty space and made it a home. Even if it was a cardboard box, you should be proud.”

Seonghwa sighed. “I said I was going to explain the situation to you when we got here. Have a seat.”

Zelie sat down on the bed. “You look like you’re sweating. Maybe we should turn the air on?”

Seonghwa shook his head. “I’m fine. I just haven’t acknowledged this part of my past in a long time.” He sighed. “It started when I was 17. I had recently graduated high school. I didn’t want to go to med school and become a doctor like everyone in my family. My parents were furious when they found out I wanted to go to culinary school. Said I should be more like my older sister. The great Dr. Minseo Park. When they found out I was enrolled in culinary school, they kicked me out. Said to find my own way to put myself through school. I ended up on the streets, didn’t even bother to show up to class. With what money? Supplies? I pickpocketed, attended soup kitchens, did what I could to survive. But it wasn’t enough. My health was deteriorating, and despite the free food, I still starved. So, I swallowed my pride and when in search of my sister.”

Zelie frowned. “That’s a lot to handle at that age. Did she help you?”

Seonghwa scoffed. “Like hell she did. She saw me from the glass door outside her private practice and sent her receptionist to escort me out. I broke down in tears. Begged her for help. A dollar for a slice of pizza, anything. She told me enrolling in med school would help. That my parents might take me back in. But that she couldn’t help me. I couldn’t stay with her and her snooty ass husband. Told me to leave. That I was disturbing her patients.” Seonghwa rubbed his knuckles, remembering the ordeal.

“But you managed to make it through culinary school. You’ve made a whole life for yourself. How did you do it?” Zelie tilted her head in confusion.

“That’s the part I’ve been afraid to tell you. One night, I was wandering around the streets. Starving. Filthy. I was dizzy from lack of food, and I bumped into this man. He told me to watch where I was going. I told him to fuck off. So the guy that was walking with him whipped a gun out and pointed it to my face. I was terrified, but I refused to flinch or let it show. Man said ‘Look at that, boss. He ain’t flinchin or nothin.’ The man asked me what I was doing on the streets, I said I was hungry and needed a shower. He said his name was Big Ross, and that he could help me.”

“Isn’t Big Ross that kingpin that disappeared off the face of the earth a couple years ago?” Zelie asked.

Seonghwa nodded. “He took me to Subway, bought me a sandwich. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a good meal. I dogged that shit immediately. Big Ross said, ‘If you work for me, you can have that and more.’”

“Woah, wait. So, you…?”

“Yup. He brought me back to his warehouse, gave me some clothes and let me shower. Said he saw something in me he needed on his team. He took me under his wing, showed me the ropes. I learned how to make product. Sell it. A couple months later, another guy came in, and we became close. Like the brother I never had.”

“Something tells me that’s the guy I met last night. HJ?”

“Beauty and brains. That’s him. I won’t get into every little detail, but he was appointed kingpin when Big Ross left, and during an errand, he got caught up in some shit. They had him up in Sing Sing for something he didn’t do. The problem is this: Someone has it in for us. We don’t know who or why. A customer came in yesterday, questioned why I wasn’t arrested for my involvement. How did I avoid jail time, and what would the city think if they found out my restaurant was bought with dirty money.”

“Dirty money? So you mean you bought a restaurant with drug dealer money which probably wasn’t in circulation for years?”

“Mhm.”

Zelie shook her head. “As cute as you are, you sure are dumb. I still don’t get where I come in.”

“HJ and I believe that it’s more than just us they’re after. It’s everyone around us. Friends, loved ones. HJ received a threat regarding Santana and their baby. My best guess is that I was unknowingly being followed when I saw you on the street. When they saw me drop you off and walk you in, they must’ve assumed you were my girl or something. Old drug dealer trick.”

She nodded. “A hustler is most vulnerable around his woman.” She sighed. “Well, how do you plan on fixing all this? Not to complain, but I can’t just hide here forever. Won’t me being here cause your house to be targeted too?”

“Nah. HJ received a threat written on a rock left on his doorstep. Whoever it is, they’re smart enough to not enter our actual houses. That’s another thing Big Ross taught me. Always meet in a neutral place. Meeting in one’s home makes the other vulnerable. Plus, HJ and I already spoke to an old friend, who’s gathering intel.”

“An old friend that’s still in the business?”

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you afraid this will just drag you right back in?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I’m afraid this is always gonna be my life. I thought I could run from it; forget it ever happened. Three years later, this shit happens. Maybe this is just destined to follow me no matter what. And that’s why I’m so cold with people. I’m a bad person. I only bring toxicity wherever I go. That’s why I don’t want to get close to you. And you should stop trying too.”

Zelie stood up, walking over to where Seonghwa stood. “Seonghwa. If I may, and excuse my French, tell you why that is absolute bullshit. First off, I’m a grown-ass woman. I will associate myself with whoever I feel like it. Two, you have to stop putting yourself down. You are not a bad person. I was just a student fresh out of culinary school, no experience and you were willing to give me a chance. I fucked up time and time again and even when you could’ve fired me, you didn’t. You said ‘Fire up the grill. Try it again.’ And let me tell you, bad people don’t sponsor soup kitchens and donate the end of the day servings to homeless shelters. Your story makes so much more sense now. You know what it’s like to go without, so you want to help those who have none. If anything, I like you even more than before.” She reached up to cup his face, causing him to flinch slightly. “You’re just a work in progress, that’s all.”

Seonghwa looked deep into her eyes. He saw sincerity. Honesty, and compassion. Before he could realize, he was leaning in.

Zelie was taken aback when their lips met, but she recovered quickly, kissing him back passionately. Her hands moved from his face to the back of his neck, tugging his hair lightly. Seonghwa groaned, his hands grabbing onto her waist and pulling her closer. He hadn’t felt this way in forever. He lowered his hands to her ass, deepening the kiss.

Just as Zelie’s hands crept further into his hair, Seonghwa’s phone rang. The pair jumped apart, startled not only by the phone call but by their actions.

“Shit. Sorry. I-, sorry.” Seonghwa said, fishing into his pocket. He checked the caller ID. “It’s HJ.” He said, confused. “Didn’t we just leave?”

“Then it must be important. Answer it.” Zelie said, still catching her breath.

“Hello. Slow down, I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Wait, what? By who? Where are they taking him? Fuck. Shit. Okay, okay. We’re on our way. Just hang on.” He hung up, running his hands through his hair. “C’mon Zelie.” He said, frantically rushing out of the room.

“Where are we going?” Zelie asked, right behind him.

“The hospital. It’s Minjoon.”

Stephie here! Just a quick update until I can write again, which will probably be in 2 days or so. I know I’m still dragging it out but it’ll all make sense next chapter so please please bare with me!

[muneerahwrites]

A tribute to my grandfather

To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. My grandfather passed away in Singapore on 8 May 2017 at the age of eighty-one. He would be reaching eighty-two on 10 May, today, but it was not written for him. It is as Allah wills.

The last time I saw him was on a skype call and he was already in the hospital bed. While technology does help with the distance, I can’t help but feel extremely regretful that I was not there in person to visit him in the hospital, to be with my family and to help and support my mother as she goes through this tough time. May Allah forgive me. It is a horrible feeling dealing with the news of death by yourself, unable to engage in the communal rituals that gives so much comfort to me - the tahlil, washing, kafan, prayer and burial, they all have a wisdom that it prepares the departed for the journey of the next life and its comforting to see family and everyone who knew him pray for him and support each other in their loss.

But I pray that Allah rewards everyone who was there with Atuk and eased him through the last moments he had in this world.

I was just thinking about him these past few weeks and I think the greatest lesson that I took from Atuk is that this world is merely a means and Allah is the ultimate end.

In the first weeks that he fell ill, my father told me that he did not want to be in the hospital because he did not want to miss the Friday prayers. While he was already really weak, he insisted that he was put on a wheelchair so that he could still go to the mosque on Fridays. He was also worried that he could not fast for the coming Ramadan. I mean, it just told me so much about his priorities and how the trial of sickness should not affect him, being an ‘abeed.

I remember after I got my first proper salary from working in MDA in 2015 and arwah Atuk asked me in Malay “So is work good?” I said: “So good! The pay is very good haha boleh save up untuk Masters.” He replied knowingly, “Ok Alhamdulillah! But remember that our Rizq is from Allah, not from the government.”

And there was another time we were talking about someone else’s death, this person had no history of illness but he just suddenly passed away. I was expressing my shock and Atuk said “If the time for him to leave this world is decreed, it doesn’t matter if he is healthy and young, Allah will put a sabab (reason) and he will return.”

Everytime before I leave for the UK to study, he would always tell me to study hard and to be vigilant about my prayer. Without fail, always reminding me that all the knowledge in this world and the pursuit of this world means nothing if I don’t constantly remind myself of my Creator and the true purpose of why I am being put on this earth.

Some of my earliest memories of Atuk were just him telling my brothers and I to take out the Qur’an after Maghrib to recite to him so that he could hear what we had learnt from our tajwid teacher. This was a constant memory too, everytime he came to Loyang or if we were at Melaka, he would always want to hear us, including my cousins, recite the Qur’an.

He was a quiet man in general but after arwah Nenek passed away, he did become slightly quieter. But, he always said the right things at the right times, when needed. He was a hardworking man, who rose early to have productive mornings – cleaning the kampong compound, going to the market, tending to the plants etc. He was a generous man, always giving time and money but never speaking about it. He was an intelligent man from a lifetime of acculmulating knowledge and experience. He knew how to sew a proper curtain!

I am always so grateful to my parents for being who they are, valuing education and learning, for their hardwork and sincerity, for their patience and most importantly, for introducing me to Islam and teaching me the deen. Inevitably, I am grateful to Arwah Atuk and Nenek for raising my beautiful mother who has taught me so much through her everyday actions, honouring the Messenger s.a.w and his message. Together, they raised a beautiful family – three women who are so different in personalities but similar in their inner strengths, confidence in the faith, patience and sincerity, all three of whom I admire immensely. May Allah reward the family abundantly and reunite all of us in Jannah.

I wanted to write a longer tribute to him and his many virtues, but for now, I request prayers for his soul. As I reflect upon my memories of him, I can confidently say that my Atuk gave me a lived example of someone who was an ‘Abeed and a khalifah, who was dedicated to Allah and His Messenger and who was active in making sure his progeny and descendants received the message that he lived by too.

I pray that Allah forgives him of all his sins and that he is in a better place, that Allah protects him from the punishment of the grave and the Hellfire. I pray that Allah admits him into Jannah with the saaliheen and reunites him with his wife and other family. 

May Allah grant His Mercy on his soul. Al-Fatihah for both arwah atuk, Hj Mohd Kassim bin Mohd Said and arwah nenek, Hjh Azizah Binti Abdul Aziz