#no mark cameo though :( sad

[frostedpuffs]

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[justagaycryptid]

Just saw the fnaf movie and I am literally so glad that my favorite stupid fucking bastard was in the movie and we got a springlock failure scene like was the movie the greatest no but I got exactly what I wanted so goddamn it I'm gonna be happy about it

[thepringlesofblood]

bonus content for those who read the taz: the 11th hour graphic novel and haven’t listened to the podcast arc

disclaimer: so. I lost my book about 1/4 of the way into this post. so the rest of it is just from memory (I did finish reading it several times, I just no longer have it to refer to). I wanted to post this before the next one comes out though, so here we are. If I find my book, I will attempt to finish up the details for the rest of the book. I cover some basic big things from memory, but nowhere near as detailed as the stuff I wrote down when I had the book to refer to. but in the meantime...let’s go!

by god they’ve done it again. 11th hr is a Lot and definitely the most plot-heavy book so far, PLUS they had to include the first lunar interlude where the boys had individual scenes. the result is frankly beautiful. we’re really hitting critical mass now.

as a result a lot more stuff got compressed, cut, changed, or skipped. i’m going to try to at least point out each difference, though there’s no way I could summarize EVERYTHING that got cut in one post. I’m going to be linking relevant episodes (& transcripts thank u tazscripts) instead, for things that are Just Too Much to include.

as always, this post is intended to be Fun and Cool Bonus Content for people who haven’t listened to the podcast, not a manifesto of stuff they “should have” included or a list of flaws. they had 11+ hours of content to squish into one graphic novel, that happened over a period of months. of course stuff got cut. and it’s stuff that was recorded in 2016. that’s eight years ago. of course some things are going to change.

tl;dr - I liked the dang book. you can be sad something wasn’t in the novel while still understanding why it isn’t. here is a list of the stuff that was changed, skipped, compressed, or cut, presented as cool facts & extra info for gn fans who haven’t listened to the podcast.

spoilers ahoy for the 11th hour, but I’ll try to keep spoilers for the rest of the series to a minimum or at least mark them clearly. At the very end I’m going to put a section of series-spoiler theories and observations, very clearly marked

Before getting into the nitty-gritty, there are a few MAJOR changes from the podcast I want to get out of the way first. This list also includes “stuff I remember but don’t have the book to refer back to on”

Several characters and a whole section of the map were cut.

I think this is the first time that any named, plot-relevant characters have been completely cut. The closest we’ve come so far was the bugbears, but they at least had a cameo in the photo in Lucas’ quarters. Luca, Redmond, and Stonefruit Farms fully don’t exist in the GN series.

the boys meet Redmond in ep 46, pt 6 of the 11th hr arc, having met his brother Luca at the end of the previous episode.

long story short, Redmond was the leader of the purple-kerchiefed ruffians and the brains behind the bank robbery, which The Boys had to go through with so that Redmond would help his lowkey-estranged brother Luca raise the temple of Istus from its decrepit state, as they were both devout priests of Istus. The whole key being in the vault thing is GN-only.

Also, Luca is a skeleton bc he was in the temple when it got rapidly old-ified, but dw he’s fine he’s just a skeleton. he gets better.

Redmond’s motivation for robbing the bank is that as a priest of Istus, lady of fate, he follows his gut feelings and intuition, and he had a strong feeling that whatever was in the vault would be the key to taking down the bubble.

they basically took all of the plot-necessary elements from Luca & Redmond and gave them to Ren. In the podcast, Ren actually blasts some of the purple-kerchiefed ruffians out of her bar after they get too rowdy. She isn’t involved with the robbery in the slightest.

Merle’s Temporal Chalice scene

in the podcast, it’s his arm being chopped off. or more specifically, grabbing a crystal that exploded and made him have to get his arm chopped off. 

Him running out on his kids is played kind of for laughs at first in the podcast. Merle is a heel for a lot longer there, bc the funniest improv is usually not the most ethical improv. They do talk about his life and the fact that he has a family, but the offer made by the chalice is for him to have his arm back

frankly, I think they made the right move in the GN. We get very little of Hecuba in the podcast, and I really liked seeing more of that conflict.

Roswell, my beloved

so, in 2016 when they did the podcast, the McElroys were at, let’s say a different place in their journey of learning about the queer community. which is to say that in the podcast Roswell’s pronouns were wildly inconsistent, in part due to them being a clay construct, in part due to them not being introduced with any pronoun in particular [though Griffin clarifies that he intends for Roswell to use they/them a little later on in the arc], and in part bc the boys just weren’t really familiar with the singular they. they tended vacillate between they/them, it/its, and he/him. we all learn and grow. 

in the book, thankfully, Roswell is 100% they/them. fuck yeah. related. The Boys are significantly worse people to Roswell in the podcast. like, significantly. we’ll get into it as it comes up more, I just want to signpost it here. 

e.g. Taako giving Roswell control of themselves and their command word is a GN original, in the podcast The Boys kind of “junebug” them around for large swaths of the last few episodes. also, a significant number of earlier loops involve them basically negging Roswell into believing that Isaak hired outside help (The Boys) with security bc they weren’t cutting it anymore (rude). I much prefer the geologists gambit they go with in the GN.

Diamonds

Paloma’s prophecies cost money in the podcast, so a lot of The Boys’ shenanigans (and a significant number of loops) are in pursuit of getting cash. which, in Refuge, is diamonds. Some examples: 

Before figuring out that you can’t take objects with you, the boys do straight up take some diamonds from the bank post-robbery. 

Taako gets Ren and a patron of her bar, Ash, to sign up and pay for a seminar/magic lesson he’ll be giving tomorrow (one of my all-time fav scenes). This leads to a touching scene at the end when the bubble finally comes down where Taako gives Ren a little certificate that says “first graduate of Taako’s Amazing School of Magic.”

Magnus tries to armwrestle a guy for cash (Merle’s idea), and though he rolls a 27 Strength check, the Goliath barbarian he’s rolling against gets a 28.

Paloma offers 1 diamond for a small prophecy, 10 for a big one. in the GN they aren’t differentiated, and one small prophecy just doesn’t show up as it’s not needed.

the taz fandom wiki has a handy list of all the prophecies she gives in the podcast

ok! let’s go!

Prologue (the bit before ch 1)

this isn’t in the 11th hour podcast.

the information we get about The Visitor in the 11th hour (from The Boys asking various Refuge residents) is that

Jack and June brought them to Refuge

or, they brought Jack and June to Refuge. We hear both things at different times.

they’re depicted in the statue as having a Red Robe and being kinda broad-shouldered.

Roswell never met them. At first they refer to The Visitor with he/him pronouns, but then mention “I say ‘he’, I didn’t know them”

they tended to keep their face hidden (maybe?)

that’s pretty much it

we learn about this interaction much much much much much later in the podcast, not as a scene that is played out, but abstractly as an event that happened, after we find out who The Visitor is. 

that said, I LOVE this scene’s inclusion and expansion. it makes total sense to me.

Jack is never described as having a sketchbook or being an artist. this will come back later. 

the final scene of the arc in the podcast is instead June giving Magnus some previous designs for the statue of Jack, June, & a Red Robe/The Visitor in the middle of town, with a version where the hood of the robe is down and the face of the Red Robe/The Visitor is visible.

Ch. 1

this is where the podcast starts at episode 1 of the 11th hr. 

boyland’s funeral is very accurate. his comically large family of 400 sons (mentioned in CK podcast) is why the Voidfish lights up like that.

the only real differences I could find were:

in the podcast what is erased is basically boyland’s personnel file. like, a report or write-up of who he is and his work for the BoB. johann writing songs about boyland’s life is new.

the only pronouns ever used for the voidfish in the podcast are they/them, it/its, and occasionally he/him. past taz graphic novels have used they/them. on pg 13 of 11th hr, both Johann and Merle use she/her for the voidfish.

I do not like this, but I have a suspicion as to why, and I don’t like that either. see spoiler-y observations at the end for more.

they merged this scene with a scene from the skipped lunar interlude before CK, where The Boys take cpt. cpt. bane’s “file” to the voidfish to be eaten.

 I described this in my other posts, but the two things relevant here are Magnus putting his hand up on the glass and vibing w the voidfish, and this exhange b/w Johann and The Boys:

Johann: When I, um, can I ask you guys a question?

Magnus: Sure.

Taako: Of course, Johann.

Johann: Are you guys really okay with, with this part of the deal?

Magnus: That we get forgot?

Taako: Which part?

Johann: Yeah, are you cool with like, if you beef it down there, the world just forgets about you?

Magnus: Well, I’m not planning on ever dying.

in the podcast, bc Avi isn’t there, Angus operates the cannons (Avi showed him how before he left). he is extremely nervous about it and about killing them on accident. once they’re in the orb taako casts stoneskin on himself “just in case”, but everything works out totally fine, though avi mentions when The Boys land that the stoneskin should’ve thrown off the trajectory.

the gn keeps the spirit of taako trusting no one without the angus psychological damage by having him just cast a better version of the spell angus cast, and I am a fan.

the leveling up stats aren’t right in the book, as I’m sure every dnd 5e nerd has already tweeted about.

they’re all level 10, so magnus should be a level 8 fighter and a level 2 rogue bc 2+8=10, while the other two boys are still just a level 10 cleric and a level 10 wizard bc they didn’t multiclass.

fantasy costco-wise: aside from the stuff they have in the book (all things they do own in the podcast, though hole-thrower and the feather-weight cuirass were from the fantasy gachapon), merle picks up matthias the living grimoire, magnus gets the magnetic charge and the tarantula bracelet, and taako gets the arcane trickster’s glove (no wiki page rip it just gives you some arcane trickster powers) and mockingbird gum.

they beat up the baby worms more before letting them go, it’s a full battle

Ch. 2

in the podcast, when they go through the barrier, they find themselves in an empty white space where they see an old woman holding the cup. she says “It’s you!” with recognition upon seeing them, and then says “find me” before they wake up.

important: every time the boys die in the podcast, they go back to this space briefly before waking up.

sometimes the woman gives a cryptic message, sometimes not, and in their later loops, the woman collapses, breathing heavily.

we find out in the end that this woman is June - she has a whole extended de-aging sequence later that they probably cut so poor Carey didn’t have to do a bajillion character models for June at different ages just for a few panels of dramatic effect.

pg 36 - to head off any dnd 5e nitpickers, Magnus does not have proficiency in rustic hospitality, since that’s not a skill. Magnus does have a character feat called “Rustic Hospitality” that he chose at level 1.

claiming to have proficiency in things you can’t possibly have proficiency in is a longstanding goof both in taz and among people who play dnd 5e in general, because it’s funny.

in the book, they intercut each loop with a scene from lunar interlude 3, and it works really really well. we’ll get to those scenes as they come up.

Is this the first time someone uses he/him for The Red Robe in the gn series? (Roswell says ��his’)

in the podcast Roswell mentions having never met the visitor, and comments “I say “he”, but I don’t know.”

in the GN, when The Boys tell the director about The Red Robe in CK they use they/them pronouns and so does the director, but after this, even @ the end of the book after Taako guesses that The Red Robe they’ve been talking to isn’t the same Red Robe from Refuge, he and the other boys continue to use he/him for The Red Robe.

“Mystic Analysis”

he just did an arcana check in the podcast, I don’t think Taako had Identify as a spell, which is what the DND equivalent would be. 

they also don’t figure out that Roswell has a command word until much later, during the Diary Of Sheriff Isaak scene.

Griffin basically says “[they’re] an earth elemental, with a bird on [them], and earth elementals don’t generally have birds on them, so maybe it was just nearby when the spell was cast and got caught up in it”

Cassidy

in the podcast, she’s in jail for blowing up the temple of Istus, which she didn’t do.

GN Ren mentions later on that the temple got “un-built” which references how in the podcast the temple suddenly aged a matter of centuries in seconds, so from the outside it looked kind of explode-y. and cassidy is known for blowing shit up, so she was blamed. she also theorizes that it might be racism due to her half-orc heritage.

in the GN, cassidy’s arrested for trespassing on the closed mines, which she absolutely has done. it makes more sense, and eliminates a major plot point they cut from the book

she is otherwise pretty much the same, I love her very much

Paloma pretty much stays in her cottage in the podcast rather than sneaking around.

the fantastic exchange of “you guys have been here 45 minutes, what the fuck did you bring with you?!” “you should see what we can do in an hour!” is 100% verbatim from the podcast.

in the podcast, Ren is dead the first bank fire (and in most subsequent bank fires). she also wasn’t one of the bandits, or involved with the bank robbery at all

in fact, in the loop where The Boys were doing the bank robbery, she unexpectedly came in, recognized Taako, and almost blew their cover.

With so little time left on the clock, Taako cast Banishment on her to keep her safe and out of the way, but she made her saving throw - so it didn’t work, but she knew Taako tried to cast some spell on her, and there was a somber moment of her falling backwards trying to get away from him, tears in her eyes.

look it’s a good lil character moment

I can’t emphasize enough how brutal the first description of the bank fire and subsequent world-ending is. Griffin pulled 0 punches.

Magnus rushes in and he describes the scene like “you see a guy, who looks like this. they’re dead. you see two guards. they’re dead. you see a woman holding a tray of diamonds. she’s dead. you see this person, also dead. you see a dwarven bank teller. she might be alive, but it’s hard to tell, and if she was she is on the brink of death”

I think the boys, brogden, and maybe one of the purple-kerchief ruffians (which is how they are described in the podcast) survived the first one, and everyone else died in that bank. it felt so brutal listening to it the first time because you (and the boys) didn’t know about the loop yet, so it was just. horrifying.

I love how they pulled in off in the GN!!! the clock hands are just *chef kiss*

just before Griffin describes the destruction of Refuge, Travis interjects, “Ditto, did you base this on Majora’s Mask?”

while Griffin does not respond in the moment, he later confirms that Travis is correct.

Griffin’s description of the fiery deaths of The Boys: “And you’re being crushed by the shattered earth as it compresses down into the ground. And you hear an anguished scream come from something massive and furious, and all three of you have died…And there’s something about the dying that feels familiar.”

“and then you wake up.” hardcut to end of episode music. v epic.

Ch. 3 (i s2g they’re not all going to be this detailed the major plot differences are mostly out of the way now)

as mentioned, the scenes between each loop in the gn happen in Lunar Interlude III (transcript) (episode) - each of The Boys got to choose a scene to have in between arcs and Justin chose to have Taako give Angus magic lessons.

they’re all more abstract in the eps (Taako establishes a recurring time and place to give Angus lessons, and we get scenes from earlier vs later lessons, various shenanigans, etc.) but the major points are actually pretty much the same, just condensed into one scene in the book.

also taako giving magic lessons in his quarters makes 100% sense, but in the podcast they did it in the cafeteria, and that’s where the LUP is burned into the wall. significant? potentially.

in the podcast angus had made some macarons for taako but forgot to flavor them (he nailed the texture though which is hard to do in a macaron) so he asked taako to prestidigitate them better and then scorching ray happened and blasted em to shreds.

LUP. dude. I thought it was an acronym when I first heard it, bc in the podcast, Griffin says “So your staff, you lost control of it and you blasted the letters “L-U-P” into the wall.” Seeing it in cursive, all gorgeous and capitalized like a proper noun? knocked me the fuck out.

another dnd 5e tiny detail: in the gn, the description for Angus’ first wand says “wonderful stocking stuffer for the young sorcerer in your life”

i could have a whole conspiracy board about this.

skip this if you’re not super into dnd 5e mechanics

the difference (in dnd 5e) b/w a wizard, a warlock, and a sorcerer is:

wizard: gets magic from study and practice - taako is a wizard bc he studied spellcraft and learned how to do it.

warlock: gets magic from making a deal with something/someone far more magical than themselves - garfield is a warlock, so his magic stems from a deal he made with something (the devil??)

sorcerer: has innate magic within them.

this could come from a myriad of places, but usually from heritage or bloodline - maybe your great-grandfather was a god or a dragon or a demon or a djinn or something, or maybe your mom touched a weird rock as a kid and got magic powers that she passed onto you when she had you.

in the podcast, angus is only ever referred to as a wizard. makes sense - regular boy + magic training from taako = wizard boy.

but if he’s a sorcerer, the magic really was in him all along. is taako teaching him to channel it? does he know?

this also fits with a weirdly popular headcanon the taz community had for a while about angus secretly being a silver dragon (in dnd, color = different abilities, diff personality, etc, and silver ones like to shapeshift and pretend to be humans sometimes).

“draconic bloodline” is one of the most common sorcerer backgrounds - it basically just means ‘a dragon got involved at some point in this family tree, so now you can cast ray of frost’.

hmmmmmmm

end conspiracy theory

It is at this point that I lost my damn book. so. I’m just gonna post this bc the next graphic novel is coming out soon and I want to post it before then. If i find my book I’ll finish it up. If you have post-chapter 3 differences you noticed that aren’t already covered, feel free to reply/reblog with them!

Spoiler-y Observations Below!

CAUTION: contains spoilers for the rest of taz balance!

*voidfish speculation: my suspicion is that they’re using ‘she’ for the voidfish to foreshadow that they have a baby, so that makes them a “mother”? i call bullshit, but i’ve heard it used before as a justification for misgendering an enby who gives birth. obvs the voidfish is not a human being, people can have multiple pronouns, it’s not a 1:1 comparison, but i for one (as an enby myself) really liked the voidfish using they/them and feel oddly betrayed at them suddenly changing the pronouns. fingers crossed that there’s a different reason.

"what am statue” is low-key foreshadowing since magnus says it

merle knowing what relativistic time dilation is

LUP was burnt into the wall in the cafeteria in the podcast - lucretia would’ve seen it for sure. so they put it in taako’s room this time...

aw no ‘sorry about the cookies little man’

In 5 or however many years when gn series ends, someone should do a poll of people who only read the graphic novels and see if any of them pronounce “Lup” weird since they’ve only ever seen it written down.

hero wreathed in flames 0.0 I hope Joaquin is still there in the finale but I like the duality here

BATTLEAXEPROFICIENCYEASTEREGG

SNEAK PEEK AT THE HUNGER SNEAK PEEK AT THE STARBLASTER AAAAAAAA

257 - ‘I know him better than you could ever imagine’ because he created you? Oof ouch ow my bones. also....the magnus that made the cup was a very different person from magnus now. it’s not what Julia would want - the cup never met julia, obvs, and does not know the ways she changed him for the better.

Bottom of 327 - sweet Angus boy are you drawing something on that orb?

Istus is like you’ve been serving me your whole lives without knowing it in the podcast - maybe a bit too much foreshadowing for the GN

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

I do not want this to become a pattern but holy shit.

Let's talk about episode 8.

NOOOOO SPIDEY CAMEO YOU WERE THERE FOR ONLY A SECOND WHYYYYYYYYYY. At least we got a reference with the Batman bit. Still sad though :(

So, elephant in the room. Most of this episode was setting stuff up for the future which was cool but wow. I thought this was gonna be longer but no that was just a montage. I also thought they were gonna focus more on the future guardians but nope.

Awww Amanda and Rudy reconciled, how nice. I'm sure this relationship isn't gonna end in a particularly fucked up scenario where one of them becomes a genocidal maniac. That would be craaaaazy.

CECIL AND MARK'S FRIENDSHIP ARC BEGINS LET'S GO

Awww come on, no Thragg? You don't give me Spidey and then you don't give me the prison break, what are you even here for!? >:(

I love Nolan being like "I deserve death" and Allen's just like "oh come off it".

NOMINATE DEBBIE FOR GREATEST MOTHER/BADASS OF ALL TIME

Mark beats a guy to "death" for nearly killing his mother and is like "what if I AM just like my father who used me as a battering ram to kill hundreds of innocents?"

And also WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THAT BABY TO GET THOSE RECORDINGS DID THEY JUST DECIDE "let's hold off on feeding him so we can get that recording" LIKE GIRL WHAT

My prediction is that the Invincible War is probably gonna be the end of the next season, either ending it on a cliff hanger or just doing what they did here and covering it in one episode. As much as I would love it to be the plot of the latter half of season 3 or season 4 it was so damn short in the comics, so it's probably gonna be like an episode and a half at best. The setup will probs be longer but the actual event no. Either way, we'll probably be seeing more Rex next season haha...

And of course I am always delighted to see even a moment of my boy. Craig.

[tickldpnk8]

Distant Mirrors Reread: Three Septembers and a January

One of the things that Gaiman does in his works is that he ties in real people and real events. And to me, it makes all of the fantastical seem ordinary and believable. This issue builds off of one of those things. There really was an Emperor Norton, but here we see what might have inspired his “madness” …if the Endless were to exist.

In any case, this issue packs a lot of sibling dynamics, so let’s get started.

On family dynamics:

The whole issue starts out with Despair attending to Norton. Despair contemplates Norton at his lowest and calls on Dream to attend to her. She then challenges Dream to a contest over whether his “little dreams” can redeem Norton or not.

Now, the first time I read it, I read it as the challenge was started out of competition/jealousy and anger/goading. And I still see that. But this time it struck me more like Despair trying to save Norton from suicide at the very least or as her trying to engage Morpheus in life again.

This is what she says right before calling for Dream:

And once the competition has started, Death makes it sound as though the three youngest tend to play these games with mortal lives when she admonishes Dream. This confirms that the older three don’t really interfere in mortal lives. At least as much as the younger 3 do.

The younger three seem to pick fights over who “owns” a mortal at a given time. And I think this relates to how mortals tend to pass in and out of their domains: Desire (want/indifference), Despair (sadness/hope) and Delirium (insanity/lucidity). Meanwhile, Destiny, Death and Dream are all inevitable if you are living. (Sure minor aspects of the oldest three might be something you pass in and out of, but not their larger functions.)

And as the contest plays out, we see each of them try to tempt Norton away from Dream’s sway. Which means we get to see Delirium and Morpheus interact:

I love how these two interact. Morpheus has such tender interactions with his sister. He’s gentle with her: more gentle than with any of this other younger siblings. Even when she’s opposing him in a contest or later on in the series when she annoys him. But despite that, she always finds him to be scary and continually comments on it. This is the first time she tells him she thinks he’s scary in my reread so I want to note it here.

On their missing sibling:

So we still don’t have a name for this missing brother who keeps getting referenced. I had to reread this all carefully because I could have sworn they mention his name, but they don’t.

The only things we know for certain are that he left and that it was his decision. But Despair is able to goad Dream into taking the bet by blaming him for the Prodigal leaving. She claims that Morpheus’ superiority complex is directly to blame for their brother leavjng. That Morpheus didn’t care about their brother and he doesn’t care about the rest of the younger ones either.

Nothing could get Morpheus to take the bet as well as this argument: it directly attacks his pride and also his strong sense of responsibility/guilt. Death sees it differently and reassures him that their brother left due to his own decision. Death seems to have the scolding older sister but down to a tee. I’m sure she’s had a lot of these conversations over the years.

Literary tie in:

And it wouldn’t be a Sandman arc if it didn’t have a literary reference. And here we get Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain! A nice little cameo. His Royal appointment from Emperor Norton happens as Dream and Delirium have their little chat nearby. So is it a coincidence that it’s worded as “…is made by Royal appointment, official spinner of tales and teller of stories to these United States of America.” It leaves me wondering if Norton wasn’t inspired by Dream to gift this proclamation.

Last, but not least, foreshadowing:

Here we see what a sore loser Desire can be when they lose a bet. Their ostentatious plan of bringing someone back from the dead to tempt Norton backfires. When Morpheus remarks that it wasn’t really very subtle, Desire vows to not only come up with a subtle plan, but to bring the Kindly Ones down on his head.

In Conclusion

So in the end, what Lesson was it that Morpheus imparted to his siblings? That great meta post leaves it up to interpretation. But I personally think that it shows the permanency of dreams in our lives. Despite how transient the dreams we experience in the Dreaming may be, the Dreams we have about ourselves or about our future are so integral to who we are as mortals.

It’s a great last line to leave this arc on. Because over the course of this arc we’ve seen the power of dreams in shaping revolutions, nations, and shaping one’s self. We’ll come back to this theme with the last issue in Distant Mirrors when we get to Ramadan in a bit. For now, Book 2 continues with Orpheus. So that’s up next.

[happytapirstudio]

Redwall Reread #1: Lord Brocktree

1st in chronological order, 13th in publication order (2001)

(major spoilers under the cut)

Summary: The Badger Lord, Brocktree of Brockhall, journeys to the legendary mountain of his ancestors, Salamandastron, to liberate it from the cruel wildcat tyrant Ungatt Trunn.

Framing Device: A Badger Lord many years after Brocktree's time is sharing this story with the greater Salamandastron community: his wife, two kids, the hares of the Long Patrol, and various seaside neighbors.

The Goodies: Primarily Brocktree (da badger on da quest) and Dotti (a young hare, headed to Salamandastron to visit her aunt.) Along the way they pick up Ruff the river otter, Gurth the mole, and a veritable shitton of other critters, including shrews, hedgehogs, and hares of the regular and mountain variety. Meanwhile, back at the mountain, we've got Brocktree's dad, the elderly Lord Stonepaw, and his host of similarly elderly warrior hares. One of these hares, Fleetscut, is sent on a quest to recruit younger warriors; he is saved and then joined by Jukka and her tribe of squirrels. In the last third of the book, a team of sea otters joins the fight.

The Baddies: Ungatt Trunn (wildcat), leading a horde of vermin (rats, weasels, foxes, etc.) all of which have dyed their fur blue. It is his Blue Horde, and there are a lot of them. There's a major nautical component to the army--they come in on ships, and a lot of their number are former pirates--but Trunn himself is a landlubber from the mountains. Truthfully I don't know where he got this incredibly massive army (arguably the largest in Redwall history), but I'm gonna say it was daddy's money. Notable underlings include the stunted fox magician, Groddil, a ferret called the Grand Fragorl, the rat captain Mirefleck, the stoat captain Fraul, the fox captain Karangool and the searat brothers Ripfang and Doomeye.

The Freakies: CRAB MOMENT 🦀🦀🦀!!! Additionally, a big pike.

The Birdies: A flightless, short-eared owl named Udara Groundslay and a (nonverbal) grey heron named Rulango.

Noteworthy Locations: Primarily Salamandastron and the surrounding coastal area. Also Mossflower Wood, pre-Redwall Abbey. Everything inbetween falls into the category of "somewhat arid open country", though I'd say King Bucko Bigbones' Clearing deserves a special mention as a sort of verdant oasis in all that sad scrubland.

Noteworthy Weapons: My main man Broccoli wields a double-hilted broadsword. With all due respect to the cover artists of both editions, I don't think that's what Mr. Jacques had in mind. I think it looked like a normal sword with a second cross guard on the blade itself. We've also got Tuna's weapon of choice, a three-pronged trident. Very nautical-core of him. Honorable mention to Dotti's carpet bag, swung about with wild abandon, as well as the hareccordion within.

Riddles: None!

Continuity Notes: Brocktree (+ Stonepaw) and Trunn are each part of their own extensive lineage of badgers and wildcats, featured in other books. We've also got a Martin the Warrior cameo (he shows up in one of Brocktree's visions.) Additionally, although Salamandastron and the Badger Lords have already been around for a long time, this book marks the beginning of I guess its "modern" age, with the founding of the Long Patrol.

Other Notes: This is perhaps the one and only Redwall book without a distinctive mouse character. Martin doesn't count, nor do the smattering of mice mentioned once in Bucko's court, as none of them have either a name or a speaking role. Squeaking role, excuse me.

Bonus Note - Homestuck: Trunn is, and I am not shitting you here, Vriska-core. He keeps his ship's stateroom full of spiders and spiderwebs, stocked with flies via the decaying bodies of people who pissed him off. Like the spider-pirate intersection is not one well-traversed in fiction, right? This is not a trope, right?? Also an uncanny coincidence that Trunn's sidekick, the crippled fox, is crippled because Trunn intentionally broke his back as a child. ?!? Alexa play X-files theme

Tapir Takes:

(1) I am a huge fan of the Brocktree-Dotti dynamic (big scary man burdened with the shadow of destiny + a sunny hyperactive little girl who seems apparently oblivious to life's darkness but can in fact dish out some serious ass-kicking.) Unfortunately, this relationship (and several others) are overshadowed by the exponentially increasing cast of characters and the forward momentum of the plot itself.

(2) Realizing for the first time that Redwall does a surprisingly good job at subverting gender roles. Not perfect, but still leagues above many movies and shows that are still coming out in this the year of our lord 2023. The girls can fight about as good as the boys, the boys can cook just like the girls, and nobody in-universe bats an eye. Some of y'all should be taking notes.

(3) Pulling out a quote in chapter 6: "If'n yore bound to take the life of a livin' thing for food, then take only wot you need. Life's too precious a thing t'be wasted." This is said by Ruff as he pulls fish out of the water for dinner. I've wondered about vegetarianism in Redwall before, and although I haven't got much to say on it now, I wanted to mark this passage for later. It's worth noting that fish are non-speaking animals in the Redwall universe.

(3.5) I'd also like to point out that the starving Horde plans to eat their captive hares once they've exhausted Salamandastron's food supply. Is this cannibalism, since the hares can talk and think same as the vermin? It's never explicitly stated in the series, but I think it's pretty clear that the differences between (talking) animals in-universe are more akin to race than species. Anyway, putting a pin in that for now.

(4) On a similar vein, I'm interested in the philosophy of Jukka and her tribe. She and her squirrels live in a patch of woods in the midst of the open grasslands, several days from the shore, but still close enough to consider themselves neighbors. In a world where nearly all non-vermin fight only to defend themselves or the weak, Jukka's squirrels are unusual, in that they fight "for profit". To them, war is a business, a means of acquiring weapons. They kill all and take no prisoners. This is all pretty similar to general vermin philosophy. Perhaps the two main differences here are attitude (vermin are cruel and disloyal even to one another, whereas the squirrels demonstrate compassion for one another and even sometimes strangers) and necessity (vermin tend to steal everything, and are unable to support themselves without exploiting others, while the squirrels really only steal for weapons, and can provide themselves with food, clothes, shelter, etc.) I'm putting a pin in this one too, because the good guy-bad guy dichotomy in Redwall deserves some major analysis, particularly once we get to Taggerung and Outcast of Redwall.

OVERALL: I enjoyed this book tremendously. Bar is high for the rest of the books, but I'm confident they'll measure up. Cheers everyone :D

[rainydawgradioblog]

A (not very) definitive ranking of the songs on "enema of the state"

I am a blink-182 fanatic. I watched American Pie for the cameo. I have California on vinyl. I gave a shit when Tom rejoined the band (AGAIN). So what better way to introduce myself to the blogosphere than to rank the songs on one of (in my opinion) the greatest pop punk albums of all time. Please keep in mind this is all my opinion, and I have not been known for my great takes.

12. Dumpweed

Although we start off promising with a loud, catchy riff, even that can't save this song from the bottom of the list. It's not even the borderline misogynistic lyrics that have left this song in last place, it just isn't remarkable.

11. The Party Song

This is the "Joke song" of the album. Unfortunately, blink has much better joke songs. They had some great ones on their 2001 release, unfortunately, they were CD-exclusive, and seem to be just a distant memory in the world of music streaming.

10. All the small things

Maybe its because this is one of their most well-known songs, and still gets frequent radio-play, or maybe it's just annoying.

9. Don't Leave Me

Super catchy! That's all its got going for it though!

8. Wendy Clear

Unfortunaly, this is a great song. The only reason it doesn't get a higher ranking is similar to Dumpweed. It is a somewhat unremarkable song on an album filled with much more remarkable songs. :(

7. Adam's Song

Honestly I cant listen to this song much anymore, because it just reminds me of when I was annoying and depressed in high school. Only ranking so low because it is too sad for a casual listen. Phenomenal song though

6. Mutt

I don't know how Mutt ended up being so high on this list. It's just a satisfying song to listen to. Also, this was one of the first songs recorded with Travis Barker on drums, after he replaced Scott Raynor as drummer.

5. Dysentary Gary

This is what Dumpweed could have been! Everything in this song just sounds right.

4. Anthem

I feel like people often disregard Anthem. But for a closing track written for an album released 24 years ago, I find it still relates to the youths of today. but what does "I timebomb" mean. ???/

3. Alien's exist

In hindsight, I don't know how this one got so high. Maybe it's nostalgia because it was on Lego rock band, and you could perform it on the moon, to a crowd of aliens. Or maybe it's the bridge that seals the deal. Or maybe I just think it's funny they have a song about aliens, and then Tom left the band to go find aliens. Whose to say!

2. What's My Age Again?

Another classic, except I get excited when I hear this one on the radio. Something about this song is so much easier on the ears than All The Small Things. Maybe I relate to the lyrics too much? What the hell is ADD?

Going Away To College

This song was written by bassist Mark Hoppus after watching Can't Hardly Wait, a movie about kids graduating and leaving for college. Anyone who's ever left, or been left behind for college can probably understand this song. It is a rather bittersweet song, but the ability to capture the confusing feelings, and pair them with a classic blink sound is what pushes this song to the top of the list. Also, the way it fades into What's My Age Again is unbeatable.

xoxo,

sleepzo

[thebuzztrack]

A Review of 'The Flash' (2023)

Toward the beginning, Barry tells a maternity nurse to speak with a mental health professional because the Justice League is not good at such a thing. This made me sad, given the context of the real-life issues with Ezra Miller in recent years and the toxic workplace environment described by Ray Fisher after the Justice League movie was released. On its own, the story of The Flash is a fun twist on an origin story by utilizing the Flashpoint Paradox concept as a premise. We are introduced to Bary’s origin story, the introduction to the DC multiverse, and the appearance of Reverse Flash. For the downsides, I believe the CGI babies in the opening sequence and CGI Speedforce for the rest of the movie are horrendously rendered. It’s like a rough draft animatic instead of a final rendering for a multi-million dollar movie project. I am giving it a mid rating for being a mixed bag of results. A review point is given for bringing back Michael Keaton as Batman. Another review point is given for containing all the cameo appearances, even though some are extremely bad CGI reconstructions. And a final review point is given for the story arc being emotionally engaging but avoiding the usual tropes that would be easy bait to include in this type of story. My last words would be to admit shamefully I like Emo Kara. When will she start an emo band and name it All Kryptonian Rejects?

The Flash (2023) is a superhero film that adapts the popular DC comic book storyline Flashpoint, in which Barry Allen, aka The Flash, uses his super speed to travel back in time and save his mother from being murdered. However, his actions have unforeseen consequences, as he creates a new timeline where General Zod has conquered Earth where no other superheroes exist. To restore his original reality, Barry must team up with an older Bruce Wayne, who has retired from being Batman, and a young Kara Zor-El, the last survivor of Krypton.

The film is directed by Andy Muschietti, best known for his horror films It (Part One and Two) and Mama. The screenplay is written by Christina Hodson, who also penned Birds of Prey (2020) and Bumblebee (2018). The film stars Ezra Miller as Barry Allen, Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne, Sasha Calle as Kara Zor-El, Michael Shannon as General Zod, Ron Livingston as Henry Allen, Maribel Verdú as Nora Allen, Kiersey Clemons as Iris West, Antje Traue as Faora-Ul, and Jeremy Irons as Alfred Pennyworth.

The intention of this movie is expected to be a game-changer for the DCEU, as it formally introduces the concept of the multiverse into the DC movies universe, which allows for different versions of the same characters to coexist in multiple realities. The film also marks the return of Michael Keaton as Batman, who previously played the character in Tim Burton’s Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992). Keaton’s Batman is said to be a mentor figure for Barry and Kara.

The movie had been in studio production development with Warner Bros for over a decade, with various writers and directors attached and departed over the years. The original plan for a release date was supposed to be in 2018 but got delayed multiple times due to creative differences, production issues, the COVID-19 pandemic, post-production setbacks, and controversies surrounding Ezra Miller. The film finally began filming in April 2021 in London and wrapped up in October 2021. The film’s first trailer was released at DC FanDome in October 2021, generating positive buzz among fans and critics.

[foreverisntenough]

1. what was my favorite chapter and why:

i don't think i have a favorite because i liked too many... but the one that comes to my head first and the one that probably marked me the most was the one in which jude's diary is revealed. idk i feel like that was it for me, to know how much it actually meant to him. ill prob switch when i re-read 🤣

2. ⁠do you go back and reread any specific scenes?

yes! when the angst starts and then they get back together, my faves.

3. ⁠did u have a favorite character?

i mean i loved the main couple but can i say teddy... her cameos in this story were too cute!!!

4. ⁠did u like or dislike the smut?

loved it!

5. ⁠what do u wish happened in the fic?

i think most of the things that i wanted to happen, happened. maybe more drama with gabriel, make jude a little crazy

6. ⁠did u think it was too long or too short?

i wouldve loved to read more about how they navigate their married life, kids etc but i totally understood why the course of the story had to end there. hopefully we get one shots 🥺

7. ⁠was there anything unique in this fic compared to others?

it was very well written. each character... i hadnt read fanfiction as serious as this one in years and that felt so nice. i just loved it

8. ⁠did u like when links were included?

yes!!! it added so much more to the story. pls continue doing it

9. ⁠did the fic go as you wouldve expected?

yes!

10. ⁠was there anything u hated?

nope

11. ⁠was there anything u loved?

i loved jude i loved her i loved them sm everything seriously

12. ⁠what was the saddest or worst bit to read?

i feel like this one is pretty obvious 😭 when he cheated on her ughhh. both the sex and the party when she was upstairs (ik thats not cheating itself but ykwim)

13. ⁠what made me the happiest to read?

when they said i love u to each other for the first time 🥺🫶🏼

UGhhhhhh the girlies that respond >>>>>

Thank you so much for this feedback! It is everything to me!

a few things... I jut love love and whether thats in the form of Jude being sad in a diary of Teddy clinging to Judey... it just makes me smile so I love to know other people get that whilst reading my works.

I think I could do one shots of sort of an epilogue of their futured, if people would read. I'm fairly locked into Movie Night atm but i will need a breather eventually. and Maybe Act II epilogue is it.

I agree about the talking to the girl at the party! i feel like because it was so innocent because he didn't 'do anything' it like hurt me more for her. I don't know that one stung me because Y/N was falling, finally letting her guard down and Jude's out there actively trying to do anything but that 🥺🥺

I like to think he made up for it though.

TYSM for reading and messaging.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

FOP: A New Wish ep 9-12

only 1 more week after this. kinda sad; this is actually a pretty fun ride

Episode 9: Trial and Hair-ror

the description of this episode almost literally is Hairicane. the title card is even similar. i guess we'll see if Cosmoa and Wanda bring up any deja vu about this scenario.

also weirdly this one isn't listed separately again On Demand; the other 3 are while we have e10/e11 stitched together and e11/e12 stitched together also available. again, this is why airing only 15 min segments as *separate episodes* is annoying. yes it's available stitched to e8 (as it properly should be), but it's still annoying. ok i'm done ranting about this, onto the actual episode!

the hair is talking...ok, we are not retreading...

so many hair puns...

and Hazel is bald O.o

i'm having trouble commentating here, as i don't do hair stuff. i mean we're doing a lot of Looney Toons shenanigans, so that's fun i guess.

"this clock tower was here the entire time" pfft ok

the hair built a person suit....ok, i'll add that to the horror elements

but ok the overall message is be kind to yourself and others, winning isn't everything, i...idk what else. this episode just didn't do it for me, which is a-ok! it's not bad, it's just...not interesting to me personally. and you know, being the first episode to be like that this season, that's a pretty good track record. so we still good.

Episode 10: Weird Science

this and the next taking title cues from old tv huh? i can dig it

wait Alec Schwimmer is a writer??? didn't you write some of my Top 10 episodes?? *goes to check* oh...no you didn't...you did write the more tolerable s9 episodes though so maybe that's why i recognize the name. ahem, anywhos...

SPORT! that's what Wanda called Tim...thus Squirt for Hazel...idk why that just clicked in my head

but wait, she can't wish for her failed science project to work with the intent to win eth science fair with it; that's using magic to win a contest and you aren't allowed that in Da Rules. her lightbulb should just turn off once we get to the judging portion...

oh but no we're doing this; they changed the laws of science so her potato lamp would work. well...i suppose that would skirt the "can't use magic to cheat" rule a bit, since they didn't make the project work...they just made physics change to allow what she made to work...that's totally different right? (heh Inkshade's "is it really a lie if reality twists itself to make what you said truth" really applies here)

oh hai Jorgen! there's a science fairy...who's a brain in a jar...*puts another check in the horror category* but interestingly enough that fairy magic has to follow the laws of physics, considering they always manipulate it. if anything i'd say they'd have to listen to the rules of entropy and chaos sure *shrugs* but interesting that once Jorgen knew it was for eth science fair he didn't cite the "no magic to cheat and win" rule

potato power fixes everything lol ok sure

i love the "I tried" sticker

mk, so overall it was an ok episode. very typical for the setup, and we learned our lesson by the end. it's passable.

Episode 11: Mystery She Wished

ok for real, you do a Murder She Wrote parody title? who's watching me? i LOVE Murder She Wrote so much!! (unironically) you already are starting off with mega points

daww she's a mystery buff too, that's cute

hehe Father Time cameo, boy does he look ominous

hmmm...we're going classic detective noir like in Where's Wanda? and not Mrs Fletcher-ing this. my excitement has dwindled, but it's ok

implying a dead body's in a rug so casually O.o dang show, i love your darkness

wait why is Mark Chang on the suspect/conspiracy board??? Elvis i get, and the Jar-Jar knock off, but there was a Grey alien, so Mark was redundant...but hey Mark cameo

ok so we'll cite Da Rules here but not in the previous episode?

oh cool twins, that's a neat twist

and yeah Hazel, even i figured they were doomsday preppers. and they are also conspiracy nuts

heh fairies in the lava lamp. Genie Meanie Minnie Mo reference

but ok that was kinda cute. the best part was the title...for me, but yeah no it's fine.

Episode 12: Prime Meridian Love

the girl is an anime fan. mk, i can get on board with that. it's a different, yet familiar character trait. Tim liked comic books, and they tried to do it for Chloe with her Hungry Games book series. plus anime and manga are far more popular and easily accessible these days. so yeah, cools.

heh she can't avoid spoilers

oh and hazel girl, i get the dance thing

pfffft buwahahah the magical girl sequence as fish-boytoy is made real from the book XDDD

ok so we're citing Da Rules about fictional characters knowing about fairies.

AND HE'S ROBBIE DAYMOND!!!!! BLUE MAGICAL BOI!! you're getting type cast but it's so funny XDDD also magical anime dress up montage XD

heh Dev secretly likes the manga, that's cute. the principal is too...that's funny XD

i kinda love the different frame rate hotfishboi has vs Hazel and the rest

another magical transformation into a blobfish XDDD

but wait if he's staying in the real world, doesn't that mean his series is gonna fall apart? that's what happened when the Chin was wished out and refused to go back. then again, it's a manga...their release schedules are different, so would anyone really notice if the series just ended. i mean, Hazel didn't know about the non-translated prequel. and also series can go on hiatus for years then come back too, so yeah it'd be far less noticeable compared to the monthly Crimson Chin series

so, this was actually a fun take on wishing your media character real. and you know, Robbie Daymond being a magicalhotblueboi. so i give this episode many points.

[twittercomfrnklin2001-blog]

Popcorn

If you love 1950s horror-scifi, you’ll love the movies shown during an all-night horrorthon in Mark Herrier and Alan Ormsby’s POPCORN (1991, Shudder). The framing story isn’t as horrible as most critics complained about back in 1991, but it’s not as good as the spoofs, particularly the first two. That’s because Ormsby — who had worked on CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS (1972), DEATHDREAM and DERANGED (both 1974) with Bob Clark— was fired after lavishing too much time on the mini-movies, leaving Herrier to shoot most of the framing scenes. Ormsby also wrote the script but opted for the pseudonym Tod Hackett after being let go. Jill Schoelen is a young film student haunted by nightmares of a death cult leader attempting to kill her. When her class decides to stage the horror festival to raise money (remember the time when university film programs had to fight for funding instead of swallowing up other majors), they discover a movie reel that matches her dreams. Before long, someone from her past is skulking around the theater killing people. That plot tries to be as funny as “Mosquito,” a take-off on radioactive mutant insect films, and “The Attack of the Amazing Electrified Man,” modeled on INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN (1956), and both with gimmicks originally used by William Castle, but it doesn’t quite make it. There are some good jokes about films, the cast is attractive and energetic. The audience responses to those films are also very funny, reminiscent of THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975). The rest, though, is sometimes incoherent and attempts to inject some queerness by having the villain impersonate a female victim come off as half baked. Ray Walston cameos as an expert on movie memorabilia, and the film could use more of him. As the class’ film geek, Tom Villard deserves a lot of credit for his physicality and antic humor, but it’s also rather sad to realize all that potential was cut short by HIV a few years later.

[systemadministratorclu]

Miro

Age: His actual age is unknown, but he appears to be 43.

Species: Human (Terran), as far as he or anyone else knows.

Gender: Male

Hair color: Brown, with a gray streak on either side of his head (like Rourke's white streaks) Length is somewhere between Milo and Rourke.

Eye color: Brown. He has big soft eyes, but at the same time, they're very intense eyes.

Appearance: His biggest similarity to the two he used to be is his appearance (he does look like a combination of them, like one of them is halfway through morphing into the other). He's 6 feet tall exactly. He's not a stick person, but he's not a human freight train either. He can see without his glasses, but they help his vision a little, plus he just likes how they make him look. He has a star mark in the center of his body, just below his collarbone, similar to the other two's star tattoos. He has always had it as far as he can remember. He also has a glowing blue crystal pendant he will not part with because it's special to him, he's had it as long as he can remember. His initial outfit is a gray tank top, brown pants, and boots (like wat they wear in the film) plus a pair of black fingerless gloves that cover half his forearms.

Sexuality: None at the moment. He doesn't really know what he is yet.

Background: None, really, since Miro doesn't remember anything except a bright light and he was laying down when he first became aware of anything. Because of this, he believes aliens/beings from another realm were involved somehow.

Personality: He's very curious, almost childlike, and always ready to learn something (while he doesn'thave the other two's memories, he does have their common knowledgeof what things in the world are and how things work. Just nothing unique to them). He's never really had anything bad happen to him, so he's never really sad or mad (that will likely change as he goes on, though). He's normally very sweet and likes to try and help others when he can. He will try to 'tough it out' if he gets hurt/sick or something bad happens. He tries to keep much of his feelings inside, mainly because (depending on the emotion) he's either scared of it or doesn't understand it and wants to study it. He'll let positive ones show more than negative because he sees other people showing those and figures it's okay to feel those.

Dreams: Where the others had trauma, Miro instead has unusually vivid and fantastical dreams, many of which involve space and stars and spaceships and other worlds/peoples*. He doesn't know if they mean anything, but he enjoys them a lot, and if asked will be delighted to talk about them. He also likes to do artwork of his dreams or write about them.

*These may mean glimpses at stuff from other fandoms and/or cameos by my other characters. It's a dream, anything is possible

In a relationship (of any kind): He's loyal and caring, very sweet, and he likes being held, hugged and cuddled. He loves the warmth of it and how it makes him feel safe and protected.

(Like all my characters, this one will be updated as I think of new stuff and he forms more of an identity for himself)

[yoonia]

numbers 4, 18, and 19 for Slow Dancing, please? I really love the series and was sad that it ended. Speaking of rereading fics, I've actually been going back to reread Slow Dancing back in the holidays. it's so beautiful and both JK and Joon were really charming in that story. I had a hard time choosing sides but was happy with the way you ended the story 🤧

Aww thank you so much for loving Slow Dancing!! Oh, these are some interesting questions. thank you for sending them :)

4. What detail in Slow Dancing are you really proud of?

Ah, the details! For Slow Dancing, I do love a few that I included in the story. Let's start with this one:

When I was planning the story, I contemplated a little bit about the soulmate mark. With soulmate AUs, we've seen them written with specific themes to identify the soulmates (through colours, tattoos, etc), and I wanted to give these characters something specific that I could make as my own. I can't remember where I first saw the timer idea, but I figured it would be interesting to add another element to it to make it different, and the idea of the timer changing into flowers to identify the soulmates ended up shaping the entire story as a whole. I also love the details on the flowers itself, how the characters and pairing determine what kind of flowers you will get once the mark appears, as explained in this post. it was so fun doing all the research on these flowers and what they all represent (yeah, I didn't just make it all up. I actually browsed through tons of websites about flowers and their meanings lol) and then matching them with the characters and their personality traits.

Another detail that I'm really proud of is the idea of having Namjoon's timer stop running and remaining the same after years gone by. I don't want to spoil too much in case some people haven't read it yet, but the idea came to me after the fact that Namjoon and OC never truly met eye to eye. Adding this put a lot more meaning on their one-sided meeting, and added suspense during the scenes where Namjoon was being focused on.

18. If you wrote a sequel to Slow Dancing, what would it involve?

Hmmm, I'm not sure, but perhaps it would involve Jungkook and OC's life after everything that happened. We can see the aftermath, and maybe have them solve the mystery about their soulmate mark, or how the story about how their relationship unfolded would change the entire credence in the soulmate system that was formed in their universe. Yeah, now that I think about it, it does sound interesting if we could delve deeper into the theory haha

19. If you wrote a spin-off of Slow Dancing, what would it involve?

For a spin-off, I have two options that I could choose from. One, the story between Namjoon and Yeori. With Joon reuniting with Yeori, his life seemed to have gone a full circle, but I did leave things open for readers' interpretation of how his story would unfold. Two, the story between Tasha and BM/Matthew. It's interesting how Tasha grew to become readers' favourite leading towards the end of the story. I think people expected to see her as a love rival at first, though I've never planned her to be one. I'm glad that adding her part in the story pleased people and how everyone celebrated her journey to find her happy ending too. Even if she's a made up character, I figured some readers would like to know more about her side of the story (even if it's only to see more of Wooyoung and BM and perhaps even DEAN, as he made cameo too haha)

Ask game: "Questions for fic writers"

[junjiie]

isa fic on jj day call that the best birthday present ever.. fave bits utc >< YOU ATE AS USUALLLL I FEEL SO WHIMSICAL AND FULL OF CHENLE LOVE

“your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.”  —  OH THAT GOTTT ME easily flustered CL.. i want to die and wrap him up in my arms and keep him forever

“your lips which just look so tempting.”  —  I will bite something. why’s he down horrendous already.. so horrifically me it’s frightening

“why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?”  —  my baby 😭😭😭 this is sickening truly im gonna keel over and die

“how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything”  —  this is ltr gonna be me calling him my baby the whole time but HE ISSSSS im so sad

“you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter.”  —  IM CRYINGGG he’s literally just like me @ croomf 😢

“choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.”  —  THEO SPOTTEDDDD ⁉️⁉️💯

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog.”  —  LEE HEESEUNG MENTIONED 🧏‍♂️🧏‍♂️ not the wannabe dan humphrey..

“you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong.”  —  yes im gonna be doing this too WINTERRR 🤗💕🎉

“chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.  /  he doesn't want you to leave, though.”  —  do you think i wont end it all 😭 LITERALLYYYY the loml.

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like.”  —  READ TO FILTH i wouldn’t show my face after that one BYE

“mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice.”  —  MARK CAMEO 😍😍

“i didn't want for you to leave anyway.”  —  JUST SAY YOU WANT HIMMM 😕😕😕

“maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever.”  —  just gay as hell😂 (I want him.)

“jeno is jaemin’s ride or die”  —  LEE JENOOOOO ML 🫶💕

“soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face.”  —  ITS BIAS CITY IN HERE😭 SOOBINNNN

“his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.”  —  [COUGHS UP BLOOD] he’s so aegipie.. i cant do this…

“you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak”  —  im going to KILL myself.

“overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip.”  —  rolling around in bed throwing up maybe dying etcetera.. need him more than i need air to breathe

“i love you.”  /  your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.  /  “i love you too.”  —  THEYRE SO PERFECT I FEEL SICKKKKK

a day for love !

"so…what are we exactly?" "mortal enemies". "oh".

synopsis: zhong chenle has too much on his hands, with his musical education studies and being apart of the NCT U student body and basketball team, he has no time for any distractions, but then he meets you, cocky, flirtatious, attractive you, core member of the NCT U fencing team. he's immediately put off, taken aback my your self absorbency and sky high confidence, he finds it annoying, how you never take anything seriously. zhong chenle does not like you, he hates the way you always have his face red, how you make his legs feel weak, how you continue to run through his mind even when he's trying to not think about you. you're so annoying, and he's carrying that sentiment to his grave, he swears.

pairing: zhong chenle x male!reader

genre: university au, strangers to lovers, annoyed (chenle) x annoying (reader), fluff, crack/comedy, again no angst, lowkey fast burn(?), pining pining pining, chenle's in denial the whole time 😭, just super unserious, angry love confessions (kinda), many many other idol cameos, ft. na jaemin the instigator (and also kinda lee heeseung)

warnings: swearing, sexual jokes, mentions of sexy time, threats agaisnt your life in like a romantic way, mentions of drinking, lots of back and forth between our main leads, chenle being the stubbornest person ever

word count: 15k

notes: heyyyy… heyyyy…😇 so this is another draft from march that i abandoned for a good few months before finally getting up off my ass and finishing it, im not going to lie, it could've been much better writing wise, the thing that carries this work is the dynamic between chenle & reader which was soooo fun to write because i loosely based it off a dynamic between my irl friends 😭😭 this was originally supposed to come out in may at best BUT.. a lot happened, this is a birthday gift for the one and only user junjiie (take a shot everytime i mention jj in a note) the silliest, my bsf ever, and the person who i constantly attack with unsolicited spoilers! i apologize jj 😓 he listened to all my insane rants about this thing and i always have to thank him bc he's always interested!! happy birthday jj i love you sm 😿 again named after a yukika song, i have a pattern

IF CHENLE IS ANYTHING THESE DAYS, IT'S ANNOYED. it's already annoying enough that he's practically been worked to death this week, given no breaks by the student body or his coach, but now jaemin has decided to drag him away from his work to watch some stupid match between people he doesn't know. now, chenle isn't the kind of person who likes working on friday evenings, but this friday is different, because he genuinely has so much to do and has no time for distractions of any sort. just the sight of jaemin barging into his dorm was enough to make him and sigh and roll his eyes. it wasn't just that, but it was also his insistent begging for chenle to accompany him to his friends little competition, a friend he doesn't even know to begin with.

chenle isn't just annoyed, he's pissed off, his head hurts and there are so many people talking around him. he's currently overwhelmed with thoughts because he has an assignment to turn in soon and because he's standing here looking after jaemin's stuff, even more pissed because jaemin said he'd only be gone a few minutes.

it's been ten minutes, and jaemin is nowhere to be seen.

the moment jaemin appears, chenle swears he's going to punch him in the face. he crosses his arms and lets out his fifth exasperated sigh of the entire hour, a displeased look makes itself apparent in his eyes, what even is this anyway? some dumb fencing competition? chenle doesn't care about this, or about jaemin's friend that he hasn't met yet. at this point, chenle doesn't even want to meet this friend, he's frustrated.

and yeah, maybe it's stupid of him to be dumping all of his frustrations on this friend he hasn't met yet, but he's sleep deprived, and he wants a cup of coffee.

standing around and waiting for jaemin has become boring, so chenle has begun to scour his surroundings. the banners above display your usual school spirit words, all of them talking about beating the other school or something, he hears the people above him conversing about the upcoming competition, making bets on which fighter they think is gonna win.

it's enough to make chenle snicker, they're betting on this like it's a boxing match, it's just dudes fencing, it truly cannot be that serious.

"all this shit for some dumb fencing competition?"

"well, what crawled up your ass today?"

chenle startles when you seem to come out of nowhere, but his momentary fear immediately becomes annoyance once again as he notices your tone of voice. what is he getting an attitude for? chenle doesn't like you already.

"nothing, where the hell did you even come from?"

chenle looks you up and down, taking in your features. you have bewitching eyes, they're a beautiful shade of light brown, your tall, much taller than chenle, your hair falls prettily around your face, a pretty butterfly necklace adorns your neck (chenle has no idea why he's staring there), and your wearing a varsity jacket, the letters NCT U printed on the side.

ah, so he's an athlete. somehow, chenle doesn't put two and two together, or maybe he isn't exactly thinking about that, just annoyed by your audacity.

"i was just.. observing" you respond, shoving your hands into your pockets as you let a small hum leave your lips. "what's with the fencing hate? i don't think it's that bad.."

"your probably saying that because you're a fencer yourself".

a snort. "well— you caught me there".

chenle raises an eyebrow, now your tone confuses him. what is this guy getting at? he can't read you, and he doesn't really like it.

"i'm not even supposed to be here, i have work to do, but now i'm here looking after jaemin's stuff while he's doing who knows what because i agreed to come watch him support his friend!"

"well there's no need to yell.."

chenle glares at you, a certain distaste in his eyes he doesn't think he could replicate with anyone else, but you do sound kinda unreasonable, so he takes a deep breath. "yeah, sorry".

"it's alright".

there's a silence. chenle doesn't know what kind of conversation this is, he's not the kind of person to just interact with strangers like this, he usually doesn't like having conversations with strangers, but he doesn't want to stop this conversation..for some reason. you intrigue him, so he begins again.

"NCT U fencing? i didn't know our school had a fencing team.."

"maybe you just aren't around much, we are the stars of the show after all".

your words make chenle scoff, a small raise of his eyebrow accompanying it. he crosses his arms and examines your varsity jacket once more, then narrows his eyes. wow, what a high ego. "stars of the show? isn't that a little cocky of you to say?"

"cocky? tell that to my fifteen medals" you reply, and that gets an eye roll out of chenle. "and those are just college medals" you whisper, leaning closer.

chenle somehow gets frozen in his spot, not moving back, leaving the two of you with your faces almost pressed together. if he wasn't speechless right now, he would've pushed you away, but your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.

he stares, and he stares for a while. he allows for his eyes to roam your face, and they instinctively fall down to your lips, your lips which just look so tempting.

what the fuck? you don't even know the guy chenle! why are you thinking about kissing him?

"wow, you must be quite the impressive fencer, then".

his words are meant to come off as sarcastic, and he stops staring at your lips so that he can gently push you away from him, trying his best to ignore his currently reddening cheeks. "i am! i would even say so myself, not to give myself too much credit or anything.."

"well that is giving yourself too much credit" a small hum escapes your lips at his words, and you allow for yourself to be humored by his words. "what about the rest of your team?"

"your acting like i called them shitty fencers" you easily reply, glancing down at your watch and sighing as you notice the time. "i never said they don't bring anything important to the team, i'm just acknowledging how good of an asset to the team i am, and that's totally fine, nothing wrong with it".

your reasoning makes sense, but chenle doesn't this conversation to stop just yet. "that's just a level of confidence that seems a little unruly".

"there's nothing wrong with being confident" you say, and chenle allows for his shoulders to fall. he can't exactly disagree with that. "i know how good of a fencer i am, and you should be applauding me for that".

"maybe i'll applaud you when i actually see you display such skills".

you snicker at chenle's words, he hates that you look so good, he doesn't even know you, but you've managed to both annoy and sort of make him swoon in one go. "well it's your lucky day, you can cheer me on when i beat my opponent in a few minutes".

ah. chenle thinks back to the school spirit banners that are hanging from the ceiling, he thinks back to jaemin, to the stupid promise he made a good few hours ago, and now he's standing here with some overconfident fencer, some overconfident fencer he would've never met if he didn't give in to jaemin's incessant begging.

"that's nice, you really think your gonna win?"

"i don't think, i know, chenle".

chenle is about to counter your words with another remark, but pauses upon hearing his name escape your lips. how did you even know who he was? he's about to start assuming your a stalker or something. "you know my name?"

"you're apart of the student body, you play basketball, and your constantly in the top ranks , everyone knows who you are".

the words get an uncertain smile out of chenle, but he quickly lets it drop because he doesn't want to be smiling because of you. chenle doesn't care, he'll remain stubborn. "yeah, right, glad you know that".

"alright then, you can cheer me on, chenle, i'll be looking for you in the crowd".

chenle scoffs again, now he's completely done with you. "in your dreams.." he mutters, and while he intends for that to not be heard by you, you catch it anyway, but you allow for chenle to think he's in the clear, deciding to not comment on it.

"wish me luck!"

chenle watches you walk away.

he allows for the questions to immediately run through his mind, what the hell was that? why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?

but then again, you are just so annoying, you're so convinced your going to win. chenle almost wants you to lose just so he could laugh in your face about it, but he also does want to watch you face off your opponent, just for entertainment.

and with no jaemin to be seen anywhere, chenle just groans and cusses at the older in his mind, he is genuinely going to punch jaemin when he sees him.

for now, he'll focus on this dumb competition (and on you, wait— no, NOT YOU! he is not focusing on you at all).

CHENLE HAS A HEADACHE THE NEXT DAY, AND HE MAKES sure to put all the blame on jaemin. what kind of friend is he? dragging him off to go see his friend's dumb competition only for him to disappear for more than half the time than proceed to only show up after the competition was almost over and scream in chenle's ear in the entire time. chenle thinks he should start getting paid for hanging out with jaemin, because he can never tell where the other male is half the time, but he's still getting dragged out to shit like this all the time. when jaemin skips his way into chenle's dorm the next morning, he's met with an immediate glare from the chinese, and he seems to have no idea why chenle is so upset with him. "woah, who pissed in your cereal?"

chenle scoffs, throwing jaemin his sweater and going to get a glass of water. "you did, i have a headache because of you".

jaemin laughs at chenle's annoyance, a taunting smile coming to his face as he makes his way towards the younger, a surge of pride in his chest. "really? what did i do?" it isn't a genuine question, and chenle can tell by the exaggerated pout which graces jaemin's features.

"you made me go to your friends stupid competition, then still decided to drag me around after the competition" chenle grits his teeth as he says those words, and all jaemin does is raise a humorous eyebrow, a small hum escapes his lips as he gets another glare from chenle. "not to mention, your friend is so annoying".

jaemin chuckles, getting a small punch in the shoulder from chenle. "oh, so you met y/n then?"

the name doesn't register in chenle's mind, he never actually got to know your name. "is that his name?" just the thought of you has chenle's stomach turning upside down, and he has no idea why. "he pisses me off, he talks too much".

"aww, he didn't make you swoon?"

"absolutely not" chenle says immediately, he is not going to admit how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything. "he's so into himself, how do you even hang around a guy like that?"

how do you not fall so in love with a guy like that?

"well he has every right to be! y/n has basically won the school all of their fencing awards, a majority of them anyway, i don't get what the hate is all about.."

chenle clears his throat. "i don't hate him, i'm just commenting on his self absorbency".

"your saying that, but you couldn't take your eyes off him the whole competition".

the accusation is enough to make chenle's cheeks go fiery red, what the fuck? he noticed? he opens his mouth to immediately deny the claim, but all he does is stutter whilst trying to clearly articulate his words. "that's not true".

"but it is! you were fangirling more than his actual fangirls! you couldn't even contain yourself!"

chenle rolls his eyes, a small scoff escaping his lips as he tries to ignore his reddening cheeks. "i was not fangirling, you're crazy".

"am i crazy? or are you just in denial?"

"your projecting onto me".

jaemin just snickers, able to see right through chenle's little denying streak. his red cheeks are a clear indication that you probably did end up flustering him, the latter is just too stubborn to admit such a thing. "uh huh, sure, keep telling yourself that chenle".

chenle scoffs, completely turning away from jaemin as he tries to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. no he wasn't fangirling over you at all, jaemin is just crazy, jaemin is just making stuff up.

at least, that's what his mind tells him.

"YOUR LATE, ZHONG CHENLE" THE WORDS get a small glare from the addressed boy. a chortle sounds from his fellow student body member, kim jungsu, who is humored at the sight of the usually stoic zhong chenle being pissed off, but then again, such a face has become a norm to the titular zhong. "woah, what happened to you?" chenle only scoffs at the question, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips as he ignores the question from choi beomgyu, who only raises an inquisitive eyebrow. the two older boys exchange glances, watching as chenle begins getting up to his usual things. "jaemin decided to hold me up, again" chenle grits his teeth as he thinks about the stupid shenanigans of the na, rolling his eyes.

"what did he do this time?"

"made me walk around the whole school to find something for him.." chenle mutters, pissed off. "but he kept stopping every few minutes to catch up with his old friends!"

beomgyu startles at the sound of chenle's shout paired with the slam of files onto the table. it's often these days that na jaemin seems to be annoying zhong chenle more than anything, the prospect is hilarious, though, he has to admit.

"did you guys hear? y/n got an perfect score on friday!"

the absentminded comment is one chenle so badly wants to ignore, but just the mention of you is enough to make his stomach begin stirring in a way he can't explain. it's monday, why are people still talking about your stupid friday competition? (chenle knows why people still would be talking about it, you're a very talented fencer, he can't deny that).

"did he?"

"what are you guys even expecting at this point? it's y/n, he's never lost a competition once.."

chenle stays silent as he listens to his fellow peers talk about you, your competition, your winnings, just you you you. chenle hates the way you take over his mind, he's only met you once, only talked to you once, but he can't stop thinking about you.

it's a mix of butterflies and some other unknown creature fluttering around in his stomach.

"chenle! how come you and y/n aren't friends?" beomgyu suddenly chimes in, nudging the other in the shoulder. the younger blinks, puzzled by the abrupt question. "you two would be a good.. pair".

chenle knows what he's implying with the emphasis on the word pair (pair? more like couple..), and just the look on his face is enough to give him away. he ignores the red which dusts his cheeks, something that's been happening much more regularly when chenle starts thinking of you, he hates that it does. "we just.. don't know each other like that".

"you two have talked though haven't you?"

chenle is getting bothered by these constant interrogations, he doesn't want to talk about you, because he's not sure he'll be able to keep his ground, or his face from heating up irregularly. "yeah we talked at the competition.."

"oh you went!? how was it?"

"it was uh.." chenle pauses, trying to figure out the words to describe the competition, he isn't even thinking about the competition, he's thinking about you. he can't stop thinking about you, you've been running around in his mind for the past few days. "yeah uh— what you said, y/n got a perfect score.."

chenle quickly turns away from his peers so that he doesn't have to be faced with their several questions about you, mostly because he doesn't know how many excuses he'll be able to make for his red face. he puts away the files as he listens to everyone else continue conversing about you, how known are you? chenle doesn't think he wants to know.

"that can't be tru— wait y/n! come here!"

chenle's heart drops at just the mention of you, and he hears a confused "what?" escape your lips accompanied by the sound of footsteps. he curses in his mind, how is he supposed to avoid you now?

"what's up?"

chenle turns around as he tries to not look at you, but unfortunately, his eyes have other ideas. they drift off to you immediately, and once he looks at you, he can't look away. you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter. chenle reprimands himself in his head for having such thoughts, he shouldn't be thinking about you so much, especially with you currently in the room. so, he clears his throat and takes his eyes off you.

"beomgyu said—"

"i didn't say anything! don't put the blame on me! dongyun back me up here!"

chenle blinks as he watches his friends dissolve into a full blown argument, with you standing there awkwardly having no idea what was going on. he is quick to tune out the argument, as he's done several times in the past.

but you don't seem to care about the argument transpiring in front of you, seeing as how you slip away from the shouting guys and go over to chenle. "do they always do that?"

chenle can't ignore you now, so he takes in a sigh and looks over at you, his legs immediately feeling like jelly as he locks eyes with you.

you're beautiful, just as beautiful as you were the first time chenle met you and became absorbed in you as a whole. chenle wants to fall over, but he stands his ground, he remains stubborn, he doesn't want to give you that satisfaction.

finally, after what seems like forever, chenle finds his voice, it took him pathetically long to though. "yeah, they argue about stupid shit all the time, don't worry about them".

you snicker, eyeing the student council members who are continuing to go at each other's necks. choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.

you aren't focusing on that, though, because your eyes immediately go back onto chenle. "we never truly established our relationship.. are we friends?"

chenle finds the words baffling. did you really just ask him that? he scrunches his nose, but he can't exactly tell how he feels about the whole thing. "are you really asking me this now?"

you hum, fiddling with your sweater collar. "well, jaemin told me i should try getting on your good side, apparently we need to get to know each other".

"of course he said that".

chenle grits his teeth, but his irritation is feigned, because you snort and look away, your smile this bright, blinding spectacle that chenle could admire for ages. "if you don't want to it's fine" you say, smile unable to be erased.

"i didn't say that" chenle quickly rebuts, much too eager to make that fact known to you. "we can be friends i just.. don't be as annoying as you are".

you gasp, offended. "you think i'm annoying?"

"your just jaemin's copy and paste really".

"is that supposed to be insulting? i happen to like jaemin".

"well that's obvious".

you scoff, crossing your arms. chenle has to stifle his giggles, because watching you look so defeated is just a little bit amusing to him. he can't help his smile, why the fuck do you look cute right now?

"you're so rude, i like you though".

chenle blinks. well he was not expecting that. maybe he doesn't have you all figured out like he thinks, you're unpredictable, how aggravating. he feels his jaw clench as he stares you down. "is that how you always make friends?"

"no.. you keep avoiding the term, though".

"you keep questioning me".

"i just want to get to know you".

"you can do that when we aren't in the student body room".

you roll your eyes, but it's not serious, because nothing is ever serious with you. "okay then, i'll see you some other time, zhong".

you give chenle one last smile before muttering something intelligible to beomgyu, which draws an incredulous gasp from him. you bid your goodbyes to the rest of the student council before once again smiling and making your way out of the door. "he's so dreamy isn't he?"

taeyang snorts, shaking his head. "totally, but i think he liked chenle best".

chenle's face goes bright red the moment he's put on the spot, and jungsu's little giggles meet his ears. "you— he was just being stupid.."

"ohhh, i see".

"wait, chenle and y/n have thing?"

"we do not!" chenle immediately shouts, but as his voice elevates, his cheeks continue to flare. he isn't convincing enough, seeing as how taeyang snickers at the way he heats up embarrassingly. "we do not have a thing! he's just.. annoying".

"so you don't want to fuck him?"

"no!"

but unfortunately, zhong chenle isn't spared from the teasing of his student body members.

"CAN I ASK YOU A STUPID QUESTION?" IT WOULD BE annoying if not completely a norm by now. good god jisung is lucky he's jisung, chenle can't count how many times he's wanted to just clock him square in the face. maybe he's saved from such a fate, but yangyang surely isn't, and chenle is just gearing up the punch as he hears the liu begin snickering. if kun didn't nag so much he probably would've followed the whispering thoughts that told him to shut yangyang up with his fists, but keeping his composure is important. chenle clicks his tongue, tugging at his sweater and rolling his eyes at jisung's subsequent muttering. "okay but don't be mad!" chenle immediately snaps his head towards the younger, and jisung halts in his movements, yangyang's growing laughter is definitely not helping. "you're already mad!"

"i'm not, idiot" chenle grits his teeth, but he relaxes his shoulder and takes a deep breath. "just ask".

"what the hell is going on with you and y/n?"

chenle immediately scrunches his nose, pausing. now how would jisung know about anything that happened between you two? not that anything did happen between you two! it's just strange how chenle meets you on one friday, has like three interactions with you, and suddenly everyone thinks that he has a crush on you or something.

he doesn't! he really doesn't! why isn't anybody convinced?

"nothing! oh my god why is everyone asking me this?"

yangyang snorts, great, now he's going to add his two cents to the mix. "you look at the guy like he solved all of your problems, you sure you don't even want to kiss him?"

chenle scoffs, quickly flipping off yangyang and rolling his eyes. "no, yangyang i don't want to kiss y/n, and i don't stare at him like.. that, who even implied that to you jisung?"

jisung is just the slightest bit terrified of chenle, seeing as how his facial muscles strain to try and fit a smile. "jaemin hyung.."

"and you know heeseung gossips about everything! he's about to put it on the school paper!"

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog".

"gossip gets around quickly".

"you guys are acting like i got caught kissing the guy! i'm not in love with him or anything!"

jisung clearly doesn't believe that, and of course yangyang doesn't believe that, seeing as how he doubles over in laughter at chenle's statement of denial. chenle glares, yangyang isn't as funny as he thinks he is. "it's not funny".

"it really is, your cheeks are so red, how are you not in love with him?"

"i'm just not, how do you guys not believe me?"

"it's a bit obvious".

"your terrible at lying".

chenle gasps, dropping his arms at his sides. gosh, even when he is telling the truth everyone thinks he's lying.

and no he's not secretly lying! he is telling the truth! he has absolutely no feelings for you at all!

"i'm not lying".

"well you can go prove yourself then, your boyfriend is right there".

when chenle snaps his head in the direction jisung pointed, he stills, because there you are. his cheeks flare up at the nickname yangyang gave you, the words he's not my boyfriend rest on the tip of his tongue, but they get stuck in his throat when his eyes land on you.

are you fucking everywhere now? chenle talks to you one time and now you suddenly appear every single time he tries to convince himself that he doesn't harbor any romantic feelings towards you. you have to be some kind of psychic, you're probably reading chenle's mind, just ready to show up when he suddenly gets stuck in denial.

"see? your doing that weird love like stare" the whisper gets him out of his daze, his eyes of admiration quickly becoming eyes of hatred fully directed towards his fellow teammate.

"i am not".

jisung blinks, contemplating his words because of the way chenle glares, so his mouth falls shut. "there's nothing going on there, you guys are just stupid".

for the first time ever, yangyang and jisung do something in unison, snicker. "okay chenle, i'll totally believe that".

you laugh in the far distance, the harmony is beautiful, and chenle has to use all of the self control in his body to not turn his head in your direction. he can already imagine your smile, and he has to fight his own smile, chenle can admit that you're annoying, but he can also admit that you have a very pretty smile.

"your lover boy is over there".

you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong. "who?" you inquire, wincing at her hard pinch to your shoulder. when you turn your head, you grin at the person you see. "i can't exactly figure out why you say that".

"you seem a little obsessed".

you laugh. a huge, polyphonic laugh that would make the words you're hearing seem like absolute nonsense. "obsessed? i like the guy a normal amount".

"woah.. like?"

"platonic feelings do exist ms. kim" you rebut, arms crossing over your chest as you listen to the mutters of your fellow students. "and besides, he doesn't seem to like me much".

"he looks like he's even in love with you".

"you don't even know what love is, jiung".

if you're being completely honest, you have no idea why you're going to extreme lengths to defend yourself like this. zhong chenle is cute, easily aggravated, your actions piss him off insanely quickly, you can see why people would think you feel something for him, you enjoy admiring his face way too much, you zone out on his features way too much, others might get the wrong idea. "fuck you, anyway, there is no way he isn't in love with you".

"in love? are we in a romcom?"

jiung scoffs, and minjeong pinches the bridge of her nose. "are you stupid or do you just not want to admit it?"

"admit what?"

your feigned innocence gets a groan of unison out of your friends.

and maybe a certain zhong is just admiring you from afar..

IT'S NOT USUAL FOR ZHONG CHENLE TO WAKE UP EARLY, and six am is really a stretch he can't believe ended up happening. after minutes of tossing and turning, he screamed into his pillow and rose from his bed to begin his day. classes start in two hours, but he's not going to be able to get back to sleep. he makes sure he doesn't wake daegal, grabs a basketball, and leaves his dorm to make his way to the school gym. it's something he usually does when he finds himself sleepless, playing basketball can get his mind off of literally anything, so whenever he wakes up in the early hours of the morning and can't get back to sleep, he simply makes his way to the school gym to entertain himself for a few hours. it's usually always empty too, so he doesn't have to worry about being interrupted while he's cranky in the morning.

he hums to himself as he dribbles the ball down the hallway, basking in the silence of the air. sometimes people are too much, he can enjoy being alone on most occasions.

the cool air of the gym hits his face as he continues his dribbling, taking a shot and having it land perfectly in the basket. he whistles, proud, but not surprised. it isn't surprising how good he is anymore.

"nice shot".

the moment chenle hears the voice, he has to bite back his groan. you snicker at the expression you see blossom on his features, and chenle turns towards you, lips pressed together. "nice to know you're so happy to see me".

"it's beginning to get ridiculous how you are everywhere" chenle is quick to bite back, and you shake your head, a laugh threatening to escape your lips.

chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.

he doesn't want you to leave, though.

"are you saying i'm doing this on purpose?"

"exactly what i think" you laugh, fingers picking at the fabrics of your sweater, and chenle finds himself frowning.

"what are you doing up so early?" he inquires, cutting off your response with a question.

you feign thought, rolling your eyes. "i usually wake up early to stretch, maybe get in some practice, it's sort of like a built in alarm clock".

"you wake up at six in the morning every day?"

"it's torture" you reply, eyes glancing around the practically empty space you two stand in. "but i've gotten used to it, coach is always on my ass about it.."

"ohhh because your his star player?"

there's a hint of sarcasm in that question, and your brows furrow as you watch chenle distracts himself with his basketball. "he's just constantly like that".

"okay, so you aren't doing this on purpose?"

"even if i was, is there anything wrong with me wanting to see you?"

chenle pauses, blinking as he lets the words slowly settle into his brain. if he had absolutely no self control, he would've giggled out loud right in the very moment. why are you so.. you? it's absolutely ridiculous, actually, why do you say things like this? do you have no regard for chenle's heart? you have to know what you're saying.

"what? like you have a crush on me or something?"

"seems you want for that to be the case".

chenle opens his mouth to respond, but it closes the moment he sees your smile. he grits his teeth, it's sickening how easily he's about to fall. who allowed for you to have such a pretty smile? he finds himself grateful to even be witnessing such a thing.

he finds himself flustered at how speechless he is, and he sighs, ignoring his heated cheeks. "you and your weird fantasies".

"whatever you say zhong".

chenle groans, quickly wanting to change the topic. "you wanna play?"

you chuckle at the question, shaking your head almost immediately. "oh no i'm not good at basketball".

"it's not that hard, just dribble and shoot".

you seem to find that idea ridiculous, because you laugh again. "you're definitely going to kick my ass".

"maybe i want to do that" chenle smiles, and you narrow your eyes.

"okay, i see the game your playing".

chenle laughs, and you frown at the corresponding sound. "come on, just once? i'll return the favor, i'll fence with you!"

you seem puzzled by that one. "..do you want to?"

"it can't be that hard".

you bite back another laugh. "you know how to be convincing".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "is that a yes?"

you sigh, rolling your eyes. "fine yes, whatever".

"don't 'whatever' me".

you can barely resist your smile as you watch a hint of irritation settle in his eyes. "come on, let's play".

and maybe chenle smiles a little too wide at that, because he can't stop admiring your smile.

CHENLE TAPS HIS PEN AGAINST THE DESK, LISTENING TO the murmurs of the rest of the student body. it's easy to be quiet when in a room full of noisy, immature men. he barely even remembers where most of their conversations go, it's become much too easy to tune them out. beomgyu must have said something insane, because taeyang is giving him that incredulous glare he can only share with someone like beomgyu. god chenle misses hanbin, he's the only person who can contain such idiots (which is amusing, because all he has to do is clap and they all go silent). "who even agreed to that? did mr. jeong tell you anything?" chenle just barely fights his groan, of course they're arguing about this again. maybe he should just get up and scream, then they would all shut the fuck up.

"i already told you! nayeon said—"

"i didn't ask about nayeon, did i?"

beomgyu sucks his teeth, throwing his hands in the air. "see? this is why no one likes talking to you!"

"i'm just stating the obvious".

"you two have been at it for hours! please just let it go".

honda hitomi leans against her hand, just barely able to fight her own exhaustion. she's about to collapse onto the floor and not get up, but she keeps herself awake for the sake of her own sanity. "what did mr. jeong say about the end of the year fair we planned?"

chenle sighs. "he has not gotten back to me on that one".

"good god it's never going to happen at this point! can i just take down the posters?"

"don't lose hope so quickly!"

"at this rate hope no longer exists! we have to wait weeks for a response from the principal himself! aren't we supposed to be hosting all the cool student events?"

"yeah that's what we have chenle for".

chenle ignores the giggles that reply to those words, much too tired to even care anymore. "i need to make sure donghyuck doesn't traumatize daegal.. you guys have a good day" he grabs his stuff and scrunches his nose, almost unable to stand on his legs considering how long he'd been sat.

"why would you let donghyuck babysit daegal?"

"he's broke so i'm practically forcing him to" chenle swings his bag over his shoulder, smiling at the snickers he receives from his members. "i'll see you all tomorrow, and if any of you see hanbin tell him he better come up with a good excuse for being missing".

it's a threat that again has beomgyu throwing his arms up in the air, even if it wasn't directed towards him specifically. "will do boss!"

"don't call me that" chenle just barely misses the incoming whine choi beomgyu lets out when he finishes the response.

and then chenle exits the student body room, his shoulder slumping accompanied by a silent sigh. he just wants to get home without any distractions, no yelling, no stupid jokes that lead nowhere, no one to imply something idiotic that will make his eye twitch—

"chenle! hey!"

well of course that can't happen.

zhong chenle's life will never be peaceful, and that disturbance comes in the form of na jaemin, running towards him with that abhorrent smile on his face. chenle is already praying in his head, because he knows jaemin is just going to try something insane again. "amazing to see you jaemin".

the guy isn't even breathless, which chenle finds amusing considering he was totally bolting the whole way here. "did you hear?"

"what?"

jaemin looks disappointed, and he crosses his arms. "you didn't read the blog post? pretty much everyone has already".

chenle blinks, no longer interested in pretending to humor whatever it is jaemin is going to show him. "everyone?"

"mostly everyone, don't be surprised if gyu yells in your ears about it soon".

chenle scrunches his nose. sensing his complete obliviousness, jaemin sighs and pulls out his phone, giggling before even turning it on. "you and y/n are the school's couple of the month".

chenle's eye twitches.

"excuse me?"

jaemin nudges him, showing him the phone. chenle doesn't even have to read anything, all he has to do is look at the title.

[THE SCHOOLS FENCING STAR & SHOOTING GUARD ARE IN LOVE: BUT WE ALL KINDA KNEW THAT ALREADY..]

chenle sighs, of course lee heeseung wrote it. he rolls his eyes, massaging his temples. "tell me you don't believe this.."

jaemin giggles, turning his phone off. he laughs for a while, but pauses when he realizes chenle isn't laughing with him. "wait.. you two aren't dating?"

"no jaemin, we aren't".

the information flabbergasts him. "what do you mean you aren't!? i thought you two were doing like the secret thing.. the whole yeah were dating but like not publicly thing!"

chenle simply shrugs, turning on his heel and continuing his walk towards the exit. jaemin almost trips on his feet, following closely behind him. "how many times do i have to tell people this? there is nothing going on between y/n and i!"

"so then what were you two doing in the gym?"

chenle stops, glancing behind him to catch a look at jaemin's face. he narrows his eyes, scratching the fabric of his sweater. "talking, jaemin, like you usually do with people".

"six in the morning and you two are just talking?"

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like".

"well i know y/n, though, and i know his expressions, he stares at you with so much love it's sick!"

chenle can't even muster another eye roll, he simply keeps quiet at the words, turning around to look forward. "whatever.."

he stares down at the floor, not allowing for the words to get to his head. if he does than he'll begin thinking about you, and if he envisions your smile he won't be able to bite back his own.

IT'S FUNNY HOW QUICK GOSSIP CAN SPREAD, BECAUSE ALL chenle's been presented with in these past few weeks are rumors and mindless gossip. what kind of grip does lee heeseung have on everyone? how does his wannabe gossip blog really do all of this damage? he can't even begin speaking without someone asking if he's dating you. is this what being your boyfriend would be like? suddenly everyone is invested in his business and he can't even live in peace because everyone assumes you two are dating. he's let out enough sighs these past few weeks, he's beginning to get tired of everyone's constant muttering, he can't even talk without annoying himself, and he hasn't had an actual conversation with you in a good two weeks, which was totally unintentional at first, but it slowly became more.. voluntary.

you two don't talk much, simply give glances to each other in hallways. it's not that chenle is avoiding you! it's just that chenle is definitely avoiding you.

he just sort of needs space, for an unchecked amount of time.

you almost completely consume his mind, and because everyone thinks you two are dating, it's hard to not think about you. maybe it was difficult to get you out of his head before, but it is insanely difficult now. he doesn't escape jaemin's snickers, whispers, or even just mentions of your name, you're practically haunting him.

looking at your face ensures that chenle will probably collapse onto the floor.

so chenle's avoiding you for the peace of his mind. he makes excuses for why he doesn't want to see you every time, a tight lipped smile on his face whenever someone brings you up.

and of course, because of his avoidance, even more rumors swirl. something about you two getting into a random fight, a lovers quarrel the audience are calling it. how annoying.

but he can't avoid you forever, because you literally know everyone, including the people in his close knit friend group. so what is chenle supposed to say? it gets harder to come up with excuses for not wanting to be in the same room as you. jaemin keeps sending him weird looks, asking questions with his eyes, but chenle simply walks away.

you seem to want to talk to him, but you also seem to sense that he needs his space, because you don't just suddenly ambush him to ask why he's suddenly avoiding you like the plague (even if you do really want to).

and chenle keeps that track record pretty solid for a while, he dodges all of the questions, stares, you, it almost becomes easy after a while.

but it doesn't stay the same, because of course it doesn't, you always just.. appear.

"you sure you can make it? we don't wanna bother you if you can't".

mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice. "yeah, yeah i'll be fine! just text me the time and i will be there".

"on time?"

chenle snaps his head towards donghyuck, glaring. the older simply giggles as the younger flips him off, and he scoffs. "yes on time donghyuck, fuck you".

"see you lele!"

chenle scrunches his nose at the nickname, he would flip donghyuck off again if not for wanting to keep his sanity in tact. he has to have some kind of limit, and when he hears yet another giggle spill from donghyuck's lips, he wishes he had acted on his intrusive thoughts.

chenle has a few hours considering they always like going out late (and they wonder why their always tired in the morning), he can binge all of how i met your mother for the seventieth time, and he can keep daegal company enough that she'll tire herself out.

chenle's hands stay shoved in his pockets, it isn't even that cold, he just has an emotional attachment to this sweater.

but then chenle stops, because he just walked the complete opposite direction of where he was supposed to go. he blinks, mentally cursing at himself.

"what an idiot you are zhong chenle".

"well that's rude to say to yourself".

chenle jumps, but he can't be startled for long, because it's you. after avoiding you for almost two weeks (seriously he was so close!), you had successfully cornered him.

well 'cornered' may not be the right term to use in the context, you smile, as if pleased to see him. "feels like i haven't been here in years.."

you glance around, feigning interest in your surroundings. chenle bites into his inner cheek, suddenly feeling the air become awkward. "did i do something wrong?" you inquire, seeming completely.. normal.

"no" chenle almost whispers, turning around as to not stare at you. he begins walking the right way this time, unconsciously inviting you to follow him, which you clearly sense with how you straighten up and begin walking beside him. "it's not you".

"so you're avoiding me for what reason?"

chenle shrugs, silence overtaking the air between you two. he listens to the small mutters of others as you two walk together, he can ignore it easily considering you're right beside him now, maybe it's because you overtake all of his thoughts. "i don't know.. everyone thinks were dating, it feels kind of weird".

"well i guessed that was the case".

chenle again goes silent, you are much calmer about this than he would've expected. it's just something he isn't used to seeing from you, he knows if he was getting avoided so clearly he probably would've blown up on the person, but that's just him. "aren't you mad?"

"not really, i can see where your coming from".

chenle hums, the air again becoming awkward. "i'm sorry" you don't look at him as he apologizes, but you smile anyway.

"it's alright, we technically aren't.. friends so i'm really not that offended".

chenle pauses, well he totally forgot that one. he's the one who said it himself. oh he is such a fucking idiot, but you don't say it to offend him, you simply state it as a fact. "still, i probably would've blown up on you if it was the other way around".

"oh trust me, other people have done way worse, a little ghosting is nothing".

that finally gets a smile out of chenle, and you seemed to miss that smile, because you mirror his expression. "i didn't mean to worry you, none of it is your fault".

"i wouldn't say i was worried, i was just confused, but you have your reasons".

chenle sighs, stopping as you hold the door for him. so you're basically just walking him back to his dorm now, no words even having to be exchanged. that's funny. he doesn't put all of his focus on that, though, you're directly in front of him right now, he should put all of his focus on that.

"so were good, right? no bad blood?"

chenle glances over at you. "there never was any bad blood, i just got into my own head".

"that's good, you still have to make good on that promise of fencing me".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling his cheeks dust red. "fencing and basketball are vastly different".

"obviously, but you kicked my ass so i should get to kick yours".

"it was a pretty close game, ten to six".

"my point still stands".

chenle hums, just barely biting back his laugh. "okay fine, we'll fence, just go easy on me".

"aww, but then it won't be fun!"

chenle childishly sticks his tongue out at you, immediately met with an offended stare. still, you laugh, giggle even. chenle finds it funny how easily he can make you laugh.

"either that or we won't".

"fine then".

your smile indicates to chenle that you definitely don't plan on completely fulfilling that.

you raise your hands up in mock surrender, and chenle simply shakes his head, completely done with you. he stops in front of his door, rummaging through his pockets looking for his keys.

"thanks for walking me" he says, quite literally unable to shake off the weird feeling in his stomach. "even though you kind of just followed me here.."

"we were talking, i didn't know how to just leave".

i didn't want for you to leave anyway.

but chenle doesn't say that one, simply smiles again. "it's fine, thank you again".

"so what are we exactly?"

chenle blinks, just about to open his door when you ask that question. he thinks about it, thoughts chugging like a train.

"mortal enemies".

you snicker, looking down at the floor. "oh".

chenle hums, hand resting on his doorknob. "yeah, have a good day y/n".

"you too chenle".

CHENLE DIDN'T UNDERESTIMATE YOU WHEN HE CHALLENGED you to a fencing match. you've been a fencer as long as you could stand on your two feet, you mentioned in passing once that you'd been fencing since elementary school, introduced to the sport by your father. chenle doesn't know anything about fencing, he's watched one competition and can barely recollect the memories of what went on because it was at that competition that he met you. it's hard to focus on anything when your around, especially the match he literally challenged you to. he wasn't exactly thinking when he brought it up, just really wanting for you to play basketball with him. he stumbles back, tripping on his own feet and falling back onto the floor.

"wow i suck at this" chenle mutters, back resting against the mat on the ground.

your distinct chuckle meets his ears, and chenle lets out a sigh. "well i didn't say it.."

"oh fuck you, your the fencing expert".

"that's what you get when you compete with an actual fencer" you respond, chenle rests the épée beside his laying figure. "you didn't go down without a fight though, four points!"

"four points to twelve points, you think that's a worthy competition?"

"it's impressive for someone whose fencing for the first time ever right now" you remove your fencing mask properly, getting a good look at him on the floor. "i'm sure you could take jiung in a match".

"oh don't mention your teammates, i can't handle any of this, how do you do it?"

you whistle, dropping the épée onto the floor and extending your hand towards chenle. he takes it, feeling a pain spike as he stands on his two legs. "you liar, you said you were gonna go easy".

you simply smile, feigned innocence behind that wretched sight ('wretched' is the wrong word to describe it, chenle absolutely loves your smile).

"that was me going easy" you reply, squeezing his hand against yours.

that's when chenle is brought back to reality. holy shit you two are holding hands. he stares at the spectacle, blinking dumbly as you again snicker at your own words. he pulls his hand away quickly, ignoring the excessive heat of his face.

"oh then i really suck".

"your better than most people".

chenle hums, being better than most people doesn't really mean anything when going against you. "stop frowning, you did well".

chenle is definitely not frowning, he's not! how would you even know that? "well doesn't mean much in these books".

you shake your head, and chenle doesn't frown (but his lips turn downward). he picks the épée up from the floor, twirling it around. "can't just say i'm not good at this?"

"the reason you aren't good at this is because of your handiwork" you quickly respond, stepping closer to him and wrapping your fingers around chenle's wrist. "you have to angle your hand at ninety degrees, it has to be parallel to your foot.."

chenle blinks as you begin explaining the ways for him to improve his fencing. your rambling, very interested in actually helping him instead of just beating him at your own game again. chenle is quite literally on the verge of a heart attack, everything you're saying has blurred into the background as you get closer, the heat in the room steadily rising.

you continue talking, angling chenle's arm forward and pointing the sword straight. chenle cannot focus on what you're saying because you are so.. beautiful? you look so good in this lighting, it has to be criminal. you unconsciously get up in his personal space and chenle's breath hitches, but you don't notice.

"—and when you lunge your other hand should go down to balance your body weight" you mutter, smile on your face as you glance at chenle, who looks midway through a disassociating scene.

"hey, are you even listening to anything i'm saying?" you nudge chenle with your shoulder. chenle snaps out of his little episode and blinks, leaning away from you as he sees how close you are.

"oh.. uh— well".

you sigh, letting go of chenle's wrist and watching it lean down in just the slightest. "nuh uh, keep it up, ninety degrees".

chenle scoffs, but you raise an eyebrow, and he pauses. who knew you could be like that? chenle is just a little afraid seeing you serious. "you really don't have to help me".

"it's out of courtesy".

chenle narrows his eyes, and you whistle again, removing the fencing gear your wearing. "you aren't going against me again are you?"

"absolutely not" chenle shakes his head, another heavy breath leaving his lips. "you're brutal, i can't keep up".

"i'm sure you could".

"you have too much faith in me".

you hum, slipping your sweater back on and shoving your hands into your pockets. chenle again sighs, walking past you. "you could've at least tried to get eight points on me".

"the only way i'd get eight points on you is if you gave them to me" chenle replies, and you hold the door open for him again, watching as he narrows his eyes at you. "and you'd never let me".

"it's good to be competitive".

"at least you said something true".

you two must have a thing for unconsciously walking together now, much too distracted in conversation to even catch the looks your being given.

"i see you guys have made up!"

you pause, smiling at the sight of your longtime friend, and chenle sighs at the sight of jaemin. "why are you so sad?"

"jaemin brings chaos into my life".

jaemin scrunches his nose, offended. "don't be so quick to say that, i brought y/n into your life!"

"exactly".

now it's your turn to be offended, a gasp drawing from you. "wow i see how it is, chenle, maybe you should just go back to ignoring me then".

"you're so petty".

"oh and you aren't? that is completely unfair!"

jaemin glances between the two of you as you begin your mini argument, the bickering between you two surprisingly entertaining him.

what an interesting lovers quarrel.  

"DON'T BE BORING! LET'S GO TO JINYOUNG'S PARTY!" JAEMIN shouted in his ear as he saw chenle trying his best to drift off to sleep. the younger was very much not on board, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to rest, maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever. it's not like he had a load of work dumped on him tonight, he just didn't want to go out on his fine evening, and he also doesn't know jinyoung that well. he's not the extent of social butterfly jaemin is, he's sort of afraid of being that awkward friend who just follows his much more known friend around. he just knows jaemin is going to ditch him the moment he finds a cute guy to make out with, and that isn't his ideal kind of night. it didn't matter what he said though, jaemin had somehow convinced him to not sleep in his bed all night.

"this room reeks of drunk breath".

"don't be boring, chenle!" that must be jaemin's only response, because he smiles when chenle frowns. "have some fun" he pushes at his shoulder, but chenle simply sighs.

"i can't wake up with a hangover tomorrow.."

"just a little?"

jaemin puts his best puppy dog eyes on display, pouting with his hands clasped together. chenle immediately leans back against the wall, put off by whatever.. this is. he points, pressing his index finger against jaemin's chest. "if you get wasted i'm leaving you".

"that isn't a threat".

yeah, it really isn't, jeno is jaemin's ride or die, he'd carry the guy up the stairs while he was hanging off his shoulder for pete's sake.

so when jaemin does eventually get wasted, chenle isn't even that surprised when jeno shows up to follow him around and make sure he doesn't kill himself.

jinyoung is nice, a little erratic, chenle finds it amusing how easily he gets offended at heeseung's jokes. he almost socked the guy in the face, but then they looked at each other and began laughing loudly about it, they're much too gone to even realize they're being stupid.

chenle could barely take one sip of those drinks without grimacing, he can't even get tipsy, he might fall over from the taste alone, he isn't going to risk it.

he can't stand being alone for long, though, because he finds himself at beomgyu's side, listening to the choi talk his ear off. he doesn't know many of beomgyu's friends, he's met taehyun once, courtesy of jisung surprisingly, but the other guys are practically ghosts to him. one of them really likes bread though, he's never seen a guy so passionate about wheat.

"i can't believe you think strawberry ice cream is good! it's terrible!"

"it's not! you're a pussy! no wonder you can't eat fruit!"

maybe beomgyu and this bread obsessed guy have arguments like this often, because the words sound so practiced chenle assumes they must rehearse this argument for every time they drink. beomgyu huffs, crossing his arms, and he snaps his head over to chenle. "tell soobin he's wrong".

"is that his name?" when he asks that, soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face. "i have no say here".

beomgyu pouts. "even outside of school you're boring".

"you're arguing about strawberries!"

and just when chenle is about to join the argument about the ethics of strawberry ice cream, he hears something.

"boo!"

chenle almost jumps out of his seat, startled by the sudden sound. he grits his teeth once he's met with your smiling face, and you giggle, your breath reeking of the disgusting alcohol. "oh hello you".

"hiiiiii did you miss me?" you ask, hands clasped together as you try your best to sit, tripping on your feet. you hiccup; "cause i definitely missed you—" a poke to his cheek, another giggle leaves your lips. "—i can't believe you're reeeeal" your words slur and syllables stick together, you clearly aren't in the right mind at the current moment.

you lean half your body weight against chenle, laughing at something you say in your own head (at least that's what chenle assumes is happening, you're simply laughing for no reason). "did you miss me too?"

you jut out your bottom lip, chenle has to turn his head to stare at you. your cheeks are flushed, eyes are wide, and you have a permanent smile on your face. "it's debatable".

"you take that back!"

chenle can just barely stifle his laugh, you're absolutely ridiculous. you pout again, brain fuzzy. "don't laugh at me.."

"how much have you had to drink?" chenle asks, a finger in your hair. the strands are soft, just like he predicted.

"uhhh nothing really like um.. uh— four?" you hold up four fingers, then burst into laughter at the sight of your own hand.

oh. so you're that drunk, you giggle again, a snort following that sound. your head rests onto chenle's shoulders, and you shake as you giggle.

"four drinks? already".

you hiccup again. "jinyoung said.. um, i actually forgot what he said, but he promised me something! i like promises!"

you snap your fingers, leaning back in your seat and almost falling backwards in the process.

chenle watches, listening to the continuous drunk chatter of beomgyu and soobin. he then sighs, tired. "y/n, come on".

you crack open one eye. "whaaaaat? you don't wanna dance?"

"i think you've had enough, let's not dance right now".

"but we have to" your lips turn downward into a frown, visible sadness in your eyes.

"we can dance at another time".

"oh really?" your eyes shine, as if you're already awaiting the moment you two will dance.

"yeah, let me take you home before you end up passing out on the floor".

chenle wraps an arm around your waist, and you wrap an arm around his, but he's basically carrying you around.

"jaem" chenle calls out, grunting as he lifts you from your place. when jaemin turns around, he looks fine, not like what chenle expected. he's met with an immediate eyebrow raise, as expected of jaemin. "i'm taking y/n home.."

"youuu just wanna see my bedroom" you slur, poking chenle again as you practically fall onto him, no longer controlling any of your movements. "hiiiii jaemin!"

"okay, i see" jaemin looks you two up down, and you're still waving while he judges you. "have fun".

"don't start".

at the sight of chenle's piercing glare, jaemin puts his hands up in surrender. "okay, make sure he doesn't die".

"he might end up killing himself anyway.." chenle mutters under his breath, again lifting you up as he sighs.

"byeeeee jaemin! i love you!"

chenle scrunches his nose, and you continue to wave even when jaemin disappears from view. you lean onto him again, noticing his silence. "don't be mad, i love you too".

he glances. "not mad".

you giggle again, wasted beyond words. "no need to lie to me, you're so obvious".

chenle's cheeks flare up at that. alright you fucking psychic.

WHEN YOU TWO MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR DORM, you collapse onto your couch, bringing your knees to your chest. you weren't as talkative on the way back as chenle thought you would be, the moment you two left jinyoung's door, you simply went silent, the many drinks probably went to your head, you must be exhausted, and for the first time in forever, you two don't really bicker. you simply walk along with him in silence, so there are no words exchanged between you two. when you collapse onto your couch, chenle can just barely keep in his laugh. you let out a heavy breath, groaning. "i hate parties.." you mutter against your cushion, scratching at the fabric of the cushion. chenle turns to stare at you, and you let out a groan of pain(?).

"no you don't".

"no i don't".

you stretch your limbs, then hug your knees against your chest. "chenle?" you call out, eyes closed, and arms circled around yourself.

your voice is barely audible, he doesn't think he's heard you be so silent ever. he hums as his response, and you take in a deep breath before asking yet another question. "can you get me a blanket from my room? it's always cold in here.."

chenle nods even though you can't see. "okay, and which door is yours?" he's afraid of accidentally walking into the wrong room, he's heard your roommate isn't exactly the easiest to get on good terms with.

"the one at the far end of the hall" you stretch the final letter of the word 'hall', your sighs endless.

chenle mutters a small response and turns on his heel to make his way towards your room. he hears you let out another sigh, your fatigue following closely behind him as he opens the door.

when he does enter, instead of immediately doing what you asked, he allows for himself to get engrossed in the scenery of your room. the posters which litter the walls, your many fencing awards, medals, trophies, certificates. the photos on your shelves containing some familiar faces, there's one with you and jaemin that chenle can only assume was from way before university.

oh, so they do go that far back.

your room is adorable, it isn't exactly big, but you mastered how to make due with the space you were given. he glances at your bed, and he grabs a good enough blanket, heading back to the living room.

"you're a blessing zhong chenle" you say when he lays the blanket over you, watching as you let your body relax.

chenle stares, simply watching the way you shuffle against your couch. "it's really no problem, sleep well".

"what?"

chenle snaps his head towards you. "sleep well y/n, i'm leaving".

"you can't leave!" you open your eyes, staring at him incredulously. "what happens if i get attacked while you're gone!?"

chenle deadpans, you cannot be serious right now. "you're not getting attacked while i'm gone, y/n, that makes no sense".

you cross your arms, clearly not as completely sober as chenle thought you were. "i need for someone to stick by me, just until wonjin comes back!"

wonjin. oh, that must be your roommate. "and when is he gonna come back exactly?"

"i don't know" you put your own hand on your forehead, wincing at the heat that you feel. "he's a wild card.. kind of".

chenle sighs, of course you're starting with something again. "i can't stay y/n, i really have to get home".

no. he doesn't. he doesn't have to get home. the only real reason would be daegal, who his brother graciously stole for the weekend. he doesn't live with anyone else, so he isn't exactly going home to anyone. he doesn't know why he said that, he just lied to lie.

"no you don't".

you're correct, but chenle wants to remain stubborn. he sucks his teeth, irritated at the pure truth. "just for a few minutes?" you ask, putting on pleading eyes as you stare at the other standing at the arm of the couch. "please? you don't have to stay for long, just until i sleep".

now how can chenle deny that? he can pretend he isn't in love with you while others are around, he can act like the flirting doesn't affect him in the hallways, he can act like nothing's there in the bright light of the day, but now? now? while you're staring at him with pleading eyes? how could he ever deny you?

"i— fine.." chenle sighs, hands dropping at his sides as he steps closer, sitting down beside you on the couch. he doesn't lie down just yet, he isn't that tired. "now will you sleep?"

you nod quickly. "much better, good night".

you rest your head against your couch, snuggling against the blanket as your hand reaches over to take chenle's, intertwining your fingers together. "thanks for staying with me.. you're a good friend".

chenle keeps silent, but you still aren't asleep, because you snort in response to your own words. "sorry, enemy, we're enemies".

chenle gives a chuckle in response. "yep, mortal enemies".

you give a dismissive wave with your free hand, laughing again. "okay okay, i love you, good night" you let your hand drop and keep your eyes closed as you slowly begin drifting off into a slumber.

chenle again pauses.

you what?

his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.

you love him.

well that's nice.

THE SUNLIGHT PEAKING IN THROUGH THE NEARBY window earns a small wince from chenle, eyes begging to remain shut as the light shines against his eyelids. he shuffles— or, he tries his best to shuffle with the lack of space he's in, a small groan escaping his lips as he tries to wake himself. he goes through an inward battle of trying to adjust his eyesight whilst also attempting to avoid the direct light of the sun, taking a few moments of squinting until he can finally open his eyes, adjusting to his surroundings as he begins to fight the fatigue in his body. oh he is such a fucking liar. he agreed to just a few minutes right beside you, and he fell asleep, right beside you. he woke up before you, and your soft snores become all he hears in the room. "oh my god" chenle massages his own temples, cursing under his breath.

you're still asleep, just barely awaken from your seemingly good dreams as chenle takes in a deep breath, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes with one hand.

he stares down at your sleeping figure, your hair too messy, cheeks rosy red, and your other hand still holding his, squeezing. he snickers silently, and you must not have been that deep asleep, because you shuffle against your couch.

chenle lets go of your hand to rummage for his phone, and you let out a small sound of defiance as you feel his fingers slip from yours.

he almost laughs again, watching the way your eyebrows furrow. 09:14 am. wow, he doesn't remember the last time he slept that long.

"good morning.." you mutter, though you keep your eyes closed. chenle narrows his own eyes, amused by the sight. you feel around until you grab his hand again, intertwining your fingers. "i'm tired".

"yeah?"

"..and it all hurts".

chenle sighs, unable to get away from your hand squeezing his. "you have ibuprofen or something?"

"i just need to.." you pause, finally getting up, somehow without letting go of chenle's hand. "like walk around for some hours" you wave your free hand dismissively, and when chenle sends you a look, you clear your throat. "sometimes i can just walk in circles and get rid of a hangover".

chenle scrunches his nose, and you laugh at the face he gives you. "i'm not sure why it works that way either, it just does".

"you're a strange guy".

you hum, running a hand through your tousled hair. you two stay silent for a moment, staring at each other. "so you stayed over, huh?"

chenle again scrunches his nose, his cheeks flaring up. "i didn't mean to fall asleep.." he mutters, stubbornness immediately on display. "i was tired".

"aww, you didn't stay for me?"

"don't make me vomit, y/n".

you stick out your tongue, jumping off the couch and dusting off your clothes. "you gonna stay around or would you like for me to walk you out?"

"let me settle into the morning air first.."

"okay weirdo".

chenle almost scoffs, there's no way you're calling him weird, you're as weird as jaemin. maybe that's why, weird people can't grasp their own weirdness, they see it all as completely normal.

"you don't have a shitty hangover do you?"

you shake the bottle of ibuprofen then grab a bottle of water, taking the medication as if simply programmed to do it. you narrow your eyes, picking up on chenle's staring problem. "you stare a lot, huh?"

chenle snaps out of his dissociative state, realizing you asked him a question. "oh no i'm fine, i didn't even try to drink that shitty alcohol".

you snicker, putting the medication away and walking towards the bathroom. "you're simply a little too uptight".

"uptight? how did anyone drink that?"

you shrug from where you are, your voice echoing from the bathroom. "jinyoung is pretty convincing" chenle hears the sink water start running, assuming that you're brushing your teeth.

"not enough for terrible drinks".

chenle rises from his place, trudging behind you towards the bathroom. he stands in the doorway and watches you, he doesn't know why he's so interested in watching you do even the simplest of things, there's simply something about you that makes the simplest of tasks so compelling to watch.

you again catch his eyes, spitting out your toothpaste. "you definitely have a staring problem".

chenle sighs, how is he even supposed to argue with that? he is quite literally proving to you that he has a staring problem.

he doesn't really have one, though, it's just with you that he can't help but stare.

he can't exactly respond to that one, and a smirk shows on your lips, you've rendered him speechless. "oh.. am i right?"

chenle's scoff is stubborn, his arms folding over his chest, there's tease in your voice that makes red spread across his cheeks. "you aren't, i just constantly need to be around someone.."

what a reasonable lie that you clearly buy! you simply roll your eyes in response, he really just lies like it's nothing. you clasp your hands behind your back, lips turning up. "why do you lie to me so much? do i make you nervous or something?"

and it's not like you step closer, you simply stand there with your hands behind your back, a tormenting smile playing on your lips. you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak, you're simply standing and smiling, it's nothing crazy, but you are crazy, what gives you the right to stand and smile like that at chenle?

"don't flatter yourself".

you raise an eyebrow, smile permanent. god you look so kissable right now, maybe chenle should give into his desires and lean in.

but he doesn't, he simply scowls, feigning irritation at your lack of action. "sorry, forgot we're mortal enemies and all".

you whistle, hands shoving into your pockets and walking past chenle. "you want me to walk you out now?"

chenle turns as your shoulder brushes against his, following behind you to the door. "you don't have to".

you open your front door, motioning with your head. "i technically already did!" oh so you're trying to be a smart ass, how funny. chenle's face falls, and your lips turn up as his turn down.

"you're so annoying".

"i'm simply here to entertain" you sing, gently pushing chenle out of your dorm. "have a good day enemy!"

and chenle would've flipped you off if he wasn't distracted by your smile.

CHENLE LETS HIS STUBBORNNESS CARRY THROUGHOUT the week, even while you two see each other, occasionally talking, occasionally staring longingly (that's more on chenle's part, you have such intriguing facial features, and not in a creepy way). he definitely does not have dreams about kissing you, about going on dates, or even about you two being a real couple, that would be ridiculous, zhong chenle does not have a crush, and he especially does not have a crush on you. yes the evidence looks pretty undeniable, his stares linger too much, his eyes linger too much, especially on your lips, he practically itches to hold your hand when you two are in public, the whole "mortal enemies" thing becoming an inside joke for you two. you seem perpetually oblivious to chenle's stares, or maybe you're just acting, it's getting a bit difficult to tell.

the rise in romantic tension doesn't help the rumors that were already up in the air, because the more chenle stares at you like he wants to eat you (in very figurative and literal ways), the more people just make assumptions about what exactly is going on between you two.

to be fair, they die down in whispers, but not in speculation. chenle can't even glance at you without another post popping up on heeseung's (frankly terrible) gossip blog about how he's obsessed.

and maybe there's some truth there (but chenle would never admit that, he can't give lee heeseung credence, he actually likes himself), but no one should ever know that, and hopefully you don't, he knows you don't read all the shit online. you do enjoy completely irritating chenle, though, he doesn't remember the last day he had that wasn't fueled by your annoying rants.

now, it's become mundane for you to be everywhere, and though it's never uttered, chenle really doesn't mind. he finds your presence to be enjoying, you entertain him like no other.

so no matter how much he tries to feign stubbornness, he loves your company. it's amazing how someone so annoying could also be someone so entertaining, and so.. well— beautiful too.

it's strange how easily you two fall into a rhythm of just existing together. chenle feels as if his life would be stranger if you weren't showing up abruptly for another strange conversation to follow.

it does become friendship, yes, but you two never say it. there's a peculiar romantic line there that you guys never bring up, there are too many almost kissing moments that never actually amount to kissing. chenle thinks you must be playing with him, psychologically torturing him. you fucking know, he can see it in your stupid smile.

but he doesn't say anything, not wanting to think he's getting it all wrong. if there's something chenle has learned about you, it's that you're unpredictable, and seeing as how you usually act with your other friends, being super affectionate is naturally your thing.

chenle doesn't want to seem stupid, it would be so embarrassing if the feelings he's spent a good few months trying to ignore turned out to be unrequited.

"is this your idea of a dat— oh my god you have a puppy!?"

your voice pitches up as you catch sight of daegal, cooing at the puppy who barked as she saw you enter. chenle glances at you, your eyes practically shining as you stare at his dog. he barely bites back his smile. "this is daegal, she's my daughter".

you kneel down to get a closer look at the adorable puppy, lips jutted into a pout. "hi daegal! how are you?"

though she's a little hostile at first, she takes one step forward, and you ruffle her hair, earning an excited yelp. you look like your about to burst into tears with how adorable she is, and you cast your eyes at chenle. "she's so cute chenle.."

"are you gonna cry?"

you shake your head, but chenle still isn't convinced. "i love her, i should come here more often!" daegal makes a sound you take as agreement, and you gasp again.

"oh wow, you're already replacing me with my dog?"

"absolutely" daegal jumps into your arm, and you melt into the feeling. you close your eyes, basking in the air of chenle's dormitory. "she likes me more than you do".

chenle narrows his eyes, but he can't even pretend to be pissed, because you simply look so ecstatic, how could he even be mad?

"okay baby, come here" he doesn't even have to move his hand, but daegal leaps out of your arms to circle around chenle. "you can't just steal y/n from me" he teases, carrying her in his arms as he makes his way over to his room.

he hears your overdramatic gasp in the distance, the words certainly surprising. "did i just hear what i think i heard!?"

you're practically hopping as you follow behind chenle towards his room, barely able to contain your own excitement. "oh my god you like me!"

chenle snaps his head towards you, a piercing (yet faked) glare in his eyes. "no dummy, were mortal enemies".

"i heard that~" you sing, turning on your heel to glance around chenle's room. "you just always have that large stephen curry poster on your wall?"

"he's my idol" chenle places daegal on his bed, she immediately curls up beside one of his pillows and settles, relaxing.

"seems like an obsession".

"you don't get stephen curry like i do".

you stare incredulously, a small smile on your face. you place your chin onto chenle's shoulder, watching his once serene expression become one of irritation, his eye twitching. "maybe not, but i definitely get you now".

chenle raises an eyebrow, silently questioning those words in the reflection of his mirror. he blinks, almost afraid to catch your eyes, but he already has, he's staring at your spitting image right now.

you peel yourself on him, a dramatic sigh falling from your lips as you stare, hands on your hips. "how long have you had a crush on me?"

chenle narrows his eyes. "excuse me?"

"come on! give me an honest answer! i won't laugh, i like you too you know, it's honestly kind of cute—"

"y/n".

you pause, chenle knew you were about to begin a ramble, so you shut up, angering him not really being on your list of things to do. you give him the stage to speak his mind, and he deadpans at you. "you are so annoying".

"does that mean you do have a crush on me?"

he stares, fighting the smile that threatens to break on his face. "you are so annoying, it's stupid how i have a crush on you, it's so dumb! you're so annoying but it's also what makes you endearing, and charming, and cute and fuck you!"

and maybe chenle does spit such hurtful words, but he doesn't mean them. his face is unbearably red, cheeks heated to the max, it's embarrassing that he's admitting this to you, now all he has left to do is kill himself and change the trajectory of your life forever.

you stare for a moment, and then you begin laughing, small giggles falling from your lips in such a rapid pace chenle is afraid you'll die.

"you always tell people you like them by shouting?"

"you're so annoying".

"is that your way of saying you love me?" you ask, stepping closer with your hands clasped together. "maybe we should talk about it".

"do you want me to die..?" he mutters, face still incredibly hot. he glares again, but he can't even keep his composure. "i'll take back that confession".

"aww, i like it when you yell at me though".

chenle shoves you backward, yet he smiles anyway. you're so annoying, but maybe there's allurement sprinkled in that he can't exactly ignore. "i fucking hate you.." he mumbles.

you again stare, simply pure adoration in your eyes. you again step closer, fingers grazing his jaw in gentle swipes along the edges. you pause, uncharacteristically silent. "can i kiss you?"

chenle stops. oh! well he didn't expect for this to happen now. he looks up, staring for much too long, thinking for much too long. "i— um, yeah.. yes".

the response fizzles into the air, overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip. chenle didn't guess this one, maybe it's because he always bites first, but then again, unpredictability is a thing with you.

your teeth scrape against the plush, pink skin, not rough enough to draw blood, you have courtesy. the action produces just the slightest hint of a whimper from chenle, what a fuel to your ego.

when you two pull away for air, chenle's first move is to avoid eye contact. you giggle at the sight of his cherry red cheeks, your fingers still graze his jaw, slowly turning his head in your direction. "hi".

maybe chenle's smile is too wide, but he's done giving a fuck. he begins fiddling with the zipper of your sweater, trying to distract himself. you again laugh, seemingly amused by his actions. "let's not do this before i take you on a date" you whisper, implications high in the air.

chenle's cheeks again flare up, and much too easily as well. "you think i wanna sleep with you right after we just kissed?"

"people are strange.. and you are people".

"you think i'm moving too quick" chenle pokes your cheek, resisting the urge to place a kiss onto it, maybe not now. you hum happily, intertwining your fingers.

"i didn't say it, let me treat you before sex".

the words are much too honest, but chenle loves honest. it's so stupid, you're so stupid. "what makes you think we're having sex?"

"oh just wait".

chenle frowns, eyebrows furrowing. "that sounds like a threat" he states, scratching behind his ear.

you whistle again, hands behind your back as you laugh. "you've definitely said worse, i'll treat you well".

you hold your hand out again, and chenle takes it without any hesitation, basking in the feeling of your soft hands on his own. "okay, i'm holding you to that, if you fail i'll hang your head on my wall".

you snicker, nudging him. "see? you are worse! it's obvious!"

chenle scowls, but it's so lighthearted that he can't even call it a scoff anymore. "you're so annoying".

you tug at his hand, a small act of defiance. "thank you, enemy".

your fingers slip from chenle's, and he can't fight his smile. you're so annoying, yes, but you're also so pretty.

"CAN YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU WANT to kill me?" if chenle thinks about it, you really are jaemin's twin. jaemin's stare is reminiscent of the ones you share with chenle whenever he glares, arms crossed, nose scrunched. jaemin's lips turn downward into a frown, a frown that directly copies yours, wow, you two are simply carbon copies of each other, no wonder you're such good friends. chenle finds it weird that almost anything can remind him of you now, considering you two have only been dating for two weeks (where did all the time go?), his terrible staring problem hasn't gotten any better anyway, he can stare at you with free reign whenever he wants to. it's too hard to be stubborn when he's so obvious, especially because you could just raise an eyebrow and he'd crumble (only a little though, not all the way).

"how else am i supposed to stare at you?" chenle's eyes hold a certain distaste, and jaemin lets out a loud, overdramatic sigh. "do you always have to ask me stupid questions?"

his hands fall at his sides, an action that chenle judges in it's entirety. "jeno would treat me better than this.."

"go sit with him then".

chenle doesn't have to tell him twice, he stomps his feet like a baby and trudges towards where jeno sits. he can barely stifle his laughter, something about jaemin's stupid way of responding to things is amusing.

chenle might just leave right now, it's not like this is one of the games that one of jaemin's random friends is playing at, this is simply a random volleyball game for a team he doesn't really care about (with no offense to the players).

his hands scratch at the fabric of his pants, he's only here because he decided to give into jaemin's incessant begging. oh screw na jaemin.

"this fucking sucks.."

"is this becoming your thing?"

chenle startles, jumping from his spot with a small squeak. he then relaxes when he sees you, a glare settling in his eyes. "you need to stop doing that" he responds, and you snicker, completely amused. "i didn't think you were coming".

"i was looking for you" you whisper, hands behind your back. "since when is jaemin so convincing to you?"

"he isn't, he's just annoying".

"wonder where i've heard that before" you feign thought, tapping your finger onto your chin. your lips turn up as you catch chenle roll his eyes, he's simply so easy to irritate. "you're so mean to me".

"that's my job".

you gasp, hand placing itself over your heart. "you just stole my cue".

i've unconsciously begun taking up some of your habits too, what the fuck is up with that?

the words aren't said, though. chenle simply reaches over and takes your hand, deciding to not say the obvious. you stare for a moment, then your lips turn up in their usual manner.

"that happens when i spend so much time around you" he tugs you forward by your hand, practically pressing you against him. "i'm picking up your annoying habits".

"is annoying your favorite word?"

"annoying is what you are".

you narrow your eyes, swinging your laced hands back and forth. "but you love me" you sing, much too enamored to even be bothered by his insults.

chenle scoffs, but he doesn't deny, simply squeezes your hand. it's difficult to care about anyone else when you're right here, even the people who send you weird looks (which is strange considering everyone already thought you were dating before you actually were, why is it weird that you two are holding hands?).

he shakes his head. "absolutely not".

you frown, that sick, sad frown that is just much too convincing. there's no reason for you to look so sad so flawlessly, chenle wants to punch you in the face. it's how he'll show his love for you.

the game won't start for a long time, he probably would've died of boredom if you hadn't shown up. "hey you wanna go?"

chenle glances at you. "go where?"

"literally anywhere but here" you state, nudging him with your shoulder. "i won't bore you much, i swear".

chenle sighs, he has no argument for that, he would rather be anywhere but here. "if jaemin texts you, don't answer".

you snicker at that, looking down at the ground. "he's going to think you killed me or something" you mutter, just lightly shuddering at the cold air that hits you both as you exit through the door.

"maybe i will" he responds, his rings would usually clash against your hand if not for the feeling being so mundane. "i have to rip you away from daegal, she's getting too used to you".

"is threatening to kill me your way of showing love?"

chenle stares for a moment, simply basking in everything. your intertwined fingers, the cool evening air, the comfort of it all, maybe chenle isn't exactly all that mad at jaemin, you're right here beside him, talking your ass off, and he laughs, it's all so funny. "sometimes you piss me off".

"i'm hoping you said that with love".

it's gotten much too difficult to successfully act serious around you, you're too funny. "of course i did, stupid".

you raise an eyebrow, an action that makes chenle sigh. you have to know that's his weakness, it's much too easy to get him. "say it, please?"

chenle cannot believe the audacity you have. you greatly piss him off, you bat your eyelashes as you patiently wait for him to confess his love to you.

chenle lets out a loud, exasperated breath. you're so annoying.

"i love you".

your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.

"i love you too".

[dawn-moths]

“Life is Like Tetris, My Time’s Precious”

CHAPTER 1

Tomura x Female Reader

part 1 * part 2 * part 3

word count: 12,400+

(A quirkless college AU where there’s been some sexual tension between you and a classmate you’ve had a crush on for quite some time. But despite your frequent interactions over the years due to your similar class schedules, you aren’t quite sure if Tomura Shigaraki is actually into you. When he finally invites you to hang out in his dorm while his roommate is away however, you have quite the experience and learn even more about the boy who you’ve been trying to get closer to for so long.)

disclaimer/content warning: 18+ sexual content! minors dni! Tomura is actually kind of sweet to you in this but he’s also a sad boy, touch starved/virgin Shiggy, Touya/Dabi cameo ‘cause i couldn’t help myself lol, title taken from “Hoodie Up” by MISSIO. 

***

The brisk coolness of early fall swept through your college campus, forcing you to trade the shorts and crop tops of the fading summer for jeans and oversized sweaters, cute pleated skirts paired with college crewnecks and ankle boots. The leaves on the trees lining the main path were beginning to change too, the pale greens and bright yellows of last season merging into vibrant sunset oranges and sultry crimson and plum.

Though, despite the dwindling warmth of September that bled into the first few weeks of October, you were excited for the new season, even if it did mean you were closer to having to bundle up in as many layers as possible and trek to class in the snow. Because a new season meant a new semester, new classes, new chances. And you’d gotten lucky to end up in a computer science class with your favorite acquaintance.

As you practically skipped to the lab where rows of monitors were lined up with big, bright glowing screens, you couldn’t shake the giddiness that filled up your chest at seeing him again, the emotion like a blend of sweet honey and spicy cinnamon.

You’d had at least one class with Tomura Shigaraki since freshman year so, while the two of you weren’t quite friends, per se, you did know each other well enough to pick seats next to each other during lecture or for you to slide into a booth in the cafeteria if you saw him sitting alone, exchange some small talk here or there, little interactions like that.

He’d let you copy some of his notes a few times and you’d helped him edit some essays, never really gotten much further than school assignments or the occasional mutual complaining about a particularly hard professor. But even so, you held onto every interaction you’d ever had with him, the memories and conversations piling up over time. 

You hadn’t always had a crush on him. Nothing like love at first sight or anything like that.

In fact, the first time the pale boy with the disheveled hair and dark clothing made eye contact with you during your freshman intro class, you’d actually been quite intimidated.

But over time, once you’d actually talked to him (you’d been the first one to break the ice, of course), gotten to know him a little better, that harsh outer exterior decorated with scratch marks and scars had become softer in your vision, maybe even charming in his own awkward kind of way.

You’d learned that Shigaraki was actually pretty shy, just used his aloof aura to his advantage because he was afraid to get too close to anyone. He wasn’t mean or scary or any of those other things you’d speculated him to be upon first glance, though he could be pretty reactive when someone tried to overstep his boundaries.

Being touched in particular, especially by strangers, seemed to set him off like nothing else.

You’d only witnessed it once during these past three years, but that single incident had been enough to leave an impression.

And it hurt you a little bit, the thought that, even if he maybe did like you back, you might never be able to touch him, that he might never let you.

But you’d brushed fingertips before while exchanging class handouts. You’d bumped elbows next to each other in the computer lab.

Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope.

But time was running out.

Because this would potentially be your last year together. And when you realized that you might never see him again after graduation, a little crack began to splinter in your heart.

You found yourself overthinking every interaction, every conversation or greeting nod he directed towards you when you passed each other on campus, every crooked smile or sarcastic chuckle you could pull from him even when he tried so hard to keep his emotions contained.

It was like you were trying to make sure things were perfect, even if they were just meaningless encounters in his eyes, because once he was gone that would be it.

You’d only have the fleeting memories.

But you couldn’t get hung up on the fear, on the what if’s and why didn’t I say or do this sooner’s.

You had to make this next year— these next months— count for something.

So you continued to play this odd game of mental tetris with yourself, trying to rearrange the pieces so that everything would fall perfectly into place before the time ran out and it was game over.

“Hey,” you greeted Tomura with a smile as you approached the monitor next to the one he was already seated at.

He nodded his head at you once without looking your way and replied with a muttered, “Sup,” already pulling up the latest assignment that he would most likely be finished before the end of class.

That was ok though. Once he was done with his then you could have him help you with yours, if you caught him before he grabbed up his bag and scuttled out of the room to go wherever it was he sought refuge in between classes.

“God, you’re fast,” you breathed out in awe as his fingers flew over the keys, punching in code line after line on the screen. His hands had always looked pretty to you— long, lithe fingers and alabaster skin, free of the rust tint that was sometimes caked under his short fingernails today, though you could see a few fading reddened stripes peeking out from under the sleeves of his black hoodie on his wrists and neck.

“S’cause it’s easy…” Tomura replied with a quiet drone, vermillion gaze stuck lazily on the computer screen, darting back and forth in minuscule motions as he typed.

“For you, maybe,” you responded through a gentle chuckle, continuing to watch him work while you waited for your computer to boot up. “I’m not even halfway done.”

“Well that’s why I’m a video game design major and you’re not,” Tomura smirked, bloodshot eyes still glued to the screen.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever nerd,” you shot back playfully. If it were anyone else, you’d lean over and nudge them with your elbow, forcing them to look you in the eyes for a split second and notice your sly grin. But with Tomura, you played it safe and kept your distance.

“I’m almost done,” he then sighed, confirming your earlier assumption about his progress. “I’ll help you after.”

Your smile widened, though the moment of joy was short-lived as the professor walked in, flicked off the lights, and began the day’s lesson, only the brightness from the monitors illuminating the surrounding area. But even in the dim, cool light you tried to sneak glances at Tomura beside you, the silvery waves of his hair cast with soft hues of cyan and pearl.

It only took Tomura about ten more minutes before he was done with his assignment, but he kept to his promise to help you out, discreetly taking your mouse in his hand and sliding your keyboard closer to him before correcting a few mistakes you’d made along the way before straight up doing your work for you, not even trying to hide the fact that he knew you wouldn’t be able to finish on your own.

You didn’t complain though. Honestly, you only took this class because it was the last requirement you needed to graduate. Well, that and the fact that you knew he was taking it too.

You didn’t really pay attention while the professor spoke and directed the other lost students step by step over the big projector screen at the front of the room. You were too mesmerized, both by the lightning speed of Tomura’s fingers over the keys and the way his scarlet gaze was so focused on the task before him.

It was like second nature to him.

Computers— and just electronics in general— had always been something he could understand easily. The way they’re put together, the way they come apart. It was the most intimate relationship he had, the certainty in which his fingers tapped on the keys with one hand while the other rested on the mouse, cursor zipping back and forth across the screen.

You caught yourself staring at his hands again, noticing a short stint of silence when he took a break from all the typing to scratch at one of his wrists, the sound of his nails raking across his skin setting you a little on edge.

You wish he wouldn’t do that. All the scratching all the time.

If it wasn’t his neck or his wrists that were marked with streaks of red, sometimes so deep you could tell the tracks had definitely been bleeding recently, then you were sure that the discomfort must be written on other parts of his body as well, places you couldn’t see, but would like to, given the chance.

You wanted to reach over sometimes when you caught him doing it absentmindedly and clasp his hand in yours, give his fingers something else to find purchase in rather than his own flesh.

But again, you knew you couldn’t.

He’d surely reject you, maybe even get mad at you like he did to that one kid the time he placed a hand on his shoulder after class, entire body flinching away violently and slamming into the painted over cinder block of the hall, eyes gone wide and wild as his chest rose and fell with frantic hyperventilation before he told the guy off and stalked away in a rage.

You always wondered what had made him that way, why touch was so hard for him, but again, you didn’t ask. Because, whatever it was, you figured that he probably didn’t want to talk about it, especially with the likes of a classmate that he’d only ever really hung out with because he was forced to via matching class schedules.

And soon, your computer science class was over, the lights were flicked back on, momentarily blinding you as you squinted through the harsh brightness of the fluorescent bulbs running along the ceiling, and students began to file out.

You thanked Tomura for his help, offering to treat him to coffee sometime as payment for the favor, and then you expected him to just grab his stuff and leave like he usually did, maybe give a weary “See you” on his way out.

But that time he didn't.

Instead, he lingered in his seat a little longer, watching you as you slowly gathered your things. And then, just before you were about to be the one to give the obligatory farewell before you went on your way, he stopped you.

“Hey, uh…” he began, nervously scratching at the back of his neck, tangling his fingers into tufts of pale hair as his scarlet gaze flicked away from your own. “Do you, uh… Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime? Like, outside of class?”

You almost couldn’t believe it. Your ears rang a bit with all the blood that was rushing to your head, hoping it wasn’t showing too much on your face while your heart hammered in your chest and your cheeks burned.

“O-of course!” You finally replied with a nervous smile, breaking from your daze. “Is there a particular day or time or…?”

Tomura asked if you’re around this weekend, Friday evening specifically, as he would be done with his classes around three in the afternoon. “My roommate’s gonna be out for the weekend,” he added, then caught himself and corrected it by saying, “I mean, not that that matters, but I’m just saying— You could come over to my dorm, if you wanted…”

And then you knew your face was reddening, the mere thought, the idea of being alone with Tomura filling you to the brim with pure joy and nervous excitement. You tried to play it cool though, telling him you’d check your schedule and text him later to let him know even though you’d already decided any and all plans that you may have already had were going to be postponed because you might never get another chance like this.

“Cool…” Tomura replied with a nod as a nervous smile began to spread across his lips, tongue darting out to lick at them where they were chapped.

You said you’d see each other soon and then you headed out, Tomura still staying behind for a moment after you exited to collect his nerves, letting out an exhale of relief that you actually accepted his offer, though still felt stupid for making the comment about his roommate. Though, he was glad that the two of you would be alone. The last thing he needed was that guy stirring up trouble with the girl he’s had a crush on all these years.

And you, well, you beelined it for the nearest bathroom, locking yourself in the stall all the way at the end until you could get your big, goofy smile under control. Because you were happy. You were so, so happy. Because maybe, just maybe, he liked you back after all.

Maybe all the months and days and moments of stolen glances and fleeting smiles exchanged between the two of you had actually been amounting to something, however painfully slow.

And he’d looked so flustered at just asking you that simple question, at inviting you over.

It was adorable to you, his sheepishness at a task that was all too familiar to you. You had to fight hard to suppress a series of giggles that were trembling through your chest, face buried into the palms of your hands regardless of the fact that no one else could see you.

You took a few more deep breaths before you emerged from the stall, studying your face in the mirror to make sure that all the rosiness of your glee had disappeared for the time being, though you were sure once you were back in the safety of your dorm room and got to texting him the inevitable “hey, so I checked and I’m free on Friday” that the color would return to your cheeks.

And so, after you received Tomura’s reply of “Ok, how about you come over around five then” and you instantly replied with a “See you then!” you were left to lay back on your bed and clutch your phone close to your chest, your smile lingering for hours as you daydreamed about what Friday would behold, what opportunities it would present for the both of you.

And you felt like, somehow, someway, maybe you were getting a hang of arranging the pieces of this mental tetris game you’d been playing. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d be able to look at the final image and see that it all lined up perfectly, in the end.

***

Friday had felt like forever away, especially since you and Tomura hadn’t had any other classes together that week after your Thursday one had gotten canceled and you’d been cooped up in your room or the library to finish as many assignments as you could so you would be free to enjoy the weekend without worry.

But now that it was here, you were starting to wish you’d had a little more time. Because it was four o’clock, just one hour before you were set to meet Tomura at his dorm— one of the senior apartments on the edge of campus— and your elation was quickly melting into a thick, sticky mire of dread and anxiety.

What if things were awkward? Or what if you overstepped somehow?

What if Tomura didn’t actually like you like that after all and you’d gotten all worked up for nothing? What if you made a fool of yourself and he never wanted to talk to you again?

What if you arranged all the pieces incorrectly and screwed up with just one wrong move?

Stop overthinking, you reminded yourself sternly through a long exhale. Everything’s going to be fine.

But what were you going to wear? What kind of look would Tomura like? I mean, he’d seen you on a weekly basis for just over three years now, give or take the months out of the summer and winter when you’d both returned home for break and hadn’t been around each other. Would it be too obvious that you were trying too hard if you showed up all decked out? Would that make him uncomfortable?

You didn’t even know what the two of you would be doing. If you were just going to be sitting around and chatting or playing video games or watching TV then you would probably want to be comfortable. Tomura didn’t seem like the type who went out much. Not unless he had to, of course. And for as much as a party-goer you’d been in your underclassmen years, you hadn’t run into him at a single event.

He usually dressed pretty casual— a black long sleeve or hoodie over a pair of jeans and the same red converse every single day— so did that mean you should match his level of nonchalance?

But you wanted to look cute, for him and for yourself, especially since a nice outfit always helped boost your self-confidence and calm your nerves.

You tried on a few different options before making a final decision of one of your pleated skirts— a white one— paired with a baby blue sweater, some delicate gold jewelry to accent the outfit and a pair of black combat boots.

It was nearing 4:45 by then, and you carefully surveyed yourself in the mirror to make sure you really were satisfied before grabbing your purse and heading out the door, knowing it took about twenty minutes to walk across campus to where Tomura’s apartment was, fifteen if you walked fast.

The evening air was chillier than the atmosphere that covered campus during the day, golden sunlight that spilled over the neatly manicured grounds in amber and honey shades now sinking behind the main student center building and soon disappearing below the horizon.

You held your skirt down as a gust of wind blew past you, sending a shiver through your body and causing you to pick up the pace a bit, the senior apartments coming into sight from down the hill.

You cut across the lawn and, only a few more strides from his front door, slowed your steps, taking in a few more deep breaths before convincing yourself that you were ok, that everything was going to be fine, and then knocked on the door, stepping back and wrapping your arms around yourself to further attempt to keep out the cold.

“Hey…” Tomura answered, looking down at you with a slightly mystified stare, vermillion eyes shining in the low light of the little sconce above the entrance.

“Hey,” you replied with a timid smile, approaching to walk through the door and feeling instant relief at escaping the autumn winds that seemed to be picking up by the second.

“Glad you could make it.” Tomura closed the door and then took the lead up towards the second floor of the apartments where his dorm was located. After a few steps upward he began explaining, some fading irritation laced into his tone, “So, my roommate’s still here. But he’s on his way out. If he says anything weird, just ignore him. He’s kind of an asshole, but…” But he didn’t finish that particular thought, punctuating it with a lazy shrug.

“Don’t worry,” you giggled, easing a little bit of Tomura’s concern. “I can handle it.”

Tomura muttered something about how he knew his roommate was going to do this— was going to be late in making his exit even though he’d assured Tomura he’d be out long before five— just to see exactly who his loner of a roommate was inviting over.

“Is it a girl?” the roommate had pressed after Tomura had informed him that he’d be having company on this particular day at this particular time. Tomura hadn’t indulged him, just sighed and said that it didn’t matter. “Well if you’re gonna fuck ‘er,” he’d gone on crudely and with a hint of sinister satisfaction in making Tomura uncomfortable, “just don’t do it on the couch. I don’t wanna have’ta sacrifice the best seat just ‘cause you got cum all over it.”

Tomura had scrunched his face in disgust and then told his roommate that any situation where that would even be remotely possible wasn’t going to happen, so he could stop worrying about it.

“I mean, shoot your shot, dude,” he’d teased Tomura. “Just don’t do it in a shared space.”

Tomura had ignored him after that, just retreated to his room and shut the door, getting lost in one of the many virtual worlds that he liked to use to forget reality and responsibility for a little while.

But now, as he was about to lead you into his apartment where you were most definitely going to come face to face with his cocky asshole of a roommate, he wished he’d just agreed to meet you somewhere until he was sure that guy was gone.

The moment you passed through the doorway, a set of sapphire eyes snapped over to scan you up and down, onyx hair sticking up in tousled spikes and a devious grin playing on his lips, two tattoo sleeves wrapped around his arms with all kinds of black inked designs and numerous piercings lining his ears.

“Uh…” Tomura began awkwardly as you stood between the two boys. “This is Touya, my roommate.” Tomura then informed Touya of your name with much reluctance.

“So it was a girl after all,” Touya said through a devilish smirk, taking a few lazy strides towards you where he could tower over you better, take in the sweet sight of your innocent little eyes staring up at him. Then, with a dangerous amount of audacity, Touya leaned down a little closer to you and said, as if it were a secret, though loud enough that Tomura could clearly hear, “If you get bored with this one, well, I guess you know where to find me now.”

“Alright, ok…” Tomura raised his voice and rolled his eyes, coming to stand beside you, as if in claim or protection, and scowled at his roommate. “Shouldn’t you be leaving, Touya? Would hate for you to get stuck in traffic.”

Tomura wanted to put an arm around you, to pull you closer to him to further accentuate the fact that you weren’t up for grabs as easily as Touya thought any girl on any given day was, but he didn’t. Couldn’t, was more like it. Because he was afraid to freak you out.

He was afraid to freak himself out too, and something as simple as a touch was such an easy trigger.

“Yeah, yeah, alright, I’m leavin’,” Touya replied with petty attitude as he slung his bag over his shoulder and pulled his car keys from the pocket of his ripped black jeans. “Just remember, Shigs…” he cooed condescendingly as he passed Tomura, reaching over to pat his shoulder twice and gaining a damn near evil glint in his eyes when Tomura tensed and sucked in a hiss of a breath at the unwanted contact. “Keep it PG in here.” Touya looked over his shoulder and winked at you, clicking his tongue twice and then heading out the door, letting it slam behind him.

And then it was just the two of you. Just you and Tomura— who was still tense long after Touya’s hand had left his shoulder— standing in the silent dorm and going through two very different waves of emotion at the guy who’d just made an unforgettable intro and exit in one fell swoop.

“Shit, you weren’t kidding…” you finally said, trying to lighten the mood with a smile, even if it was crooked and uncomfortable. “That guy really is an asshole.”

“Yeah, well, sorry ‘bout that…” Tomura glared towards the door, as if Touya were still out there and waiting up to listen to the reactions he’d stirred in you two. “I’ve tried to get a roommate change, but I haven’t been able to find anyone else…”

You could tell that Tomura was actually really bothered by Touya, especially the comment made towards you and the whole touching his shoulder thing, but you wanted him to know that it was ok. Or, at the very least, that you weren’t bothered by it, if that were actually a concern of his.

You opted to change the subject, maybe turn Tomura’s attention back to the task at hand rather than that anticipated altercation by asking him to show you around. Luckily, he took the bait, snapping out of his simmering fury and looking back at you with a softer stare, stuttering through an, “O-ok, yeah, sure…” before giving you the short tour of the apartment.

There was minimal decor, as was expected from two college boys. Just a couch in front of the TV and game consoles, a bean bag chair off to the side, a small kitchen area with a table and two chairs and dishes piled high in the sink (Tomura muttered something about how Touya was never cleaning up after himself). The bathroom looked clean, at least, though there were products strewn across the sink counters in disarray.

Tomura let you peek into Touya’s room, which was across from his, and you weren’t surprised to see Tarantino posters adorning the walls. There was also a big, blue lava lamp which hadn’t been unplugged casting the room in a soft cobalt light, school books scattered across the desk next to the bed which was barely made, covers just thrown over the mattress hastily and without care, and a leather jacket hanging over the back of the desk chair.

Next, however, was Tomura’s room. He’d clearly straightened up before you’d arrived, no doubt kept his space in controlled chaos the rest of the time. But it was nice that he’d cared enough to clean up before you came over.

His room was much more modest than Touya’s, which did surprise you a bit with how much time you’d figured he spent in it given his antisocial personality. Besides his main gaming PC, which contained three monitors, there were just some classic horror movie posters and dark indie comics piled on one of the shelves.

“So, yeah…” Tomura said at the end of the tour. “That’s pretty much it.”

“It’s nice,” you nodded. It was a vague compliment, if not a considerate lie, but you weren’t here for the interior design. You were here for Tomura. He could’ve lived in a cave and you still would’ve arrived to sit next to him in the damp and the dark.

“Yeah, so, uh…” he began again nervously, hand reaching for his neck before turning into a fist, stopping himself from retracing the already visible red marks. “I was thinking we could maybe order some food and just chill… Whatever you want, really.”

You told him food sounded nice and when he asked if you had any preferences you said that you weren’t picky. As the two of you reemerged out into the living area with the couch and bean bag chair, you took a seat on the latter and took note of his game consoles.

“Lemme guess…” you speculated with a mischievous narrowing of your eyes and upward quirk of one eyebrow. “PlayStation is yours and Xbox is your roommates?”

“Yeah,” Tomura replied through a tiny breath of amusement, picking up a controller and tossing it your way, flicking on the TV to the already in use PlayStation where a video streaming app had been left open. “Why don’t you pick us something to watch while I order us something to eat?”

Before you could form an answer, Tomura walked out of sight and into the little side kitchen to deal with the food. You were left sinking into the bean bag chair a little further, controller held in your hands as you stared blankly at your options.

Again, you were trying to rearrange the pieces to fall perfectly into place before your time ran out, wondering what Tomura might like, besides old monster movies like the posters on his walls clearly suggested. Surely rom-coms were at the complete opposite end of the spectrum for him, but to be honest you weren’t usually crazy about those types of things either. Maybe some kind of dark drama or mystery would suffice. Or maybe he liked fantasy.

But when you spotted your favorite movie tucked deep into his to watch list, you knew exactly what to choose.

“Hey, food’s all ordered,” Tomura informed you as he headed back into the living room, sorting something out on his phone real quick before powering it off and slipping it back into his pocket. “Did you find something for us to—”

“Have you seen this before?” you asked, your excitement cutting him off along with that cute smile adorning your face.

Tomura’s eyes flicked to the movie pulled up on the screen and then back to you. “Uh… No, actually. Not yet. Have you?”

“Uh, it’s only my favorite movie ever!” you exclaimed like it was obvious.

At this, Tomura found himself beginning to smile involuntarily again, the expression becoming strangled on his face as he tried to keep his emotions at bay like he was so used to doing.

“Well then, guess we know what we’re watching.” He took a seat on the couch and you suddenly found yourself regretting your choice of the bean bag. To fix this, however, you made the excuse of going off to use the bathroom before the movie started, taking a seat next to him— but not too close— on the couch once you returned.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this before,” you went on as the production credits began to roll, the intro music and sounds beginning to fade in. You wondered if Tomura was the type who liked to talk during movies or stay silent. Given his track record of not being known to be too chatty you figured your viewing experience would consist mostly of the dialogue and score of the film, though you wouldn’t be able to help but make comments during certain parts where you knew fun behind the scenes facts or bits of trivia.

Tomura didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, he actually liked your inserted pieces of commentary that were peppered throughout the movie in a hushed voice, as if you two were sitting in a theatre and not just on his dorm’s couch.

Pretty soon though, his phone dinged, letting him know the food had arrived, and he paused the image on the screen to retrieve your dinner, carrying in two bags of take out from his favorite local noodle place that he thought— hoped— you liked. Luckily, you actually recognized the logo on the bags, perking up and pointing out how you loved that place too.

You sauntered over to help him sort through and place everything on the table in front of the couch where you could eat and watch at the same time.

“No way…” you chuckled once you realized what he’d ordered. “I’m not even joking, this is actually my favorite thing from that place.”

Tomura’s scarlet eyes widened a bit, appearing to be caught off guard by you again until he averted his gaze and replied through a crooked smirk, “R-really? Well, guess we have the same favorite then.”

You smiled through your next bite and Tomura pressed play on the movie, the scene jumping back into motion while the two of you watched intently through the rest of your meal. However, once your bellies were full and the takeout containers lay empty on the table, you felt your eyelids starting to get heavy with an oncoming food coma.

Tomura noticed this, as he’d been sneaking glances at you here or there while you were distracted with your favorite film, and anxiously asked, “Are you tired?”

“Hm?” you perked up a bit and looked over at him. “Oh, no, I’m fine,” you tried to assure him, readjusting your position on the couch from a slumped position to sitting cross-legged and upright to keep your attention focused.

And, god, how Tomura wanted to be closer to you.

He wanted so badly to slide over and press his thigh against the bare skin of yours, to put his arm around you and let you lean in and rest your head against his chest. To run his fingers through your soft hair, to let his fingertips graze your tender skin.

He wanted you so badly but he didn’t even know where to start when he was so terrified of how he might react against his own will, of how you might view him as a freak with the way he struggled to accept the sensation of touch.

And you, well, you still weren’t entirely sure what Tomura’s intentions were in inviting you here.

Did he just want to be friends? Did he want to be more than that? Had you already screwed up somehow and now the game was doomed to be lost?

But maybe that was the problem both of you were facing right now.

You were thinking about this in binary terms, in a scenario where there were only two options.

To win or to lose.

To touch or to stay away.

To be friends or lovers.

Maybe you both just had to reinvent the code, reprogram the ending.

And to Tomura’s own surprise, he was the first to make his move, sliding just a little closer to you as he nervously cleared his throat, trying to swallow down all the fear and past traumas that had kept him away from you for so long when all he’d really wanted was to be by your side, to feel the weight of your body on his as he cradled you in his arms.

You flicked your gaze up to meet his, that sweet and innocent doe-eyed expression making him even more nervous as he was afraid that his body would start to act out against his own will and expose how he really felt about you before his words had the chance to explain.

“Is… Is this ok?” Tomura asked as he inched just a tiny bit closer, heartbeat hammering beneath his scarred chest while he nearly held his breath in anticipation for your approval.

But when you smiled and nodded with a cutesy little hum of mm-hmm he was able to breathe a little easier, letting out a sigh of relief as some of the rigidness his figure usually carried melted away.

That was step number one, he thought to himself. Now if only I could just…

Tomura took a chance and slowly raised the arm that was nearest to you to first rest on the back of the couch, his fingers close enough to brush against the baby blue fabric of your sweater if he wanted to reach out and touch it. Close enough to apply enough pressure to feel the shape of your shoulder in his palm, if he could find the courage.

With another careful inhale and exhale, a calming breath, Tomura initiated the first physical contact he’d had with another human being in he didn’t even know how long. His arm came to rest over your shoulders and when you willingly snuggled in closer to him, rested your head against his chest just like he’d fantasized about, he almost didn’t know what to do with himself.

He felt like he could black out any second now, the feeling of another human being so foreign, so frightening against his body that he was sure you could feel his entire being drumming to the beat of his frantic heart.

But if you were aware of Tomura’s nerves on any level, you didn’t let it show.

Instead, you were too occupied by the fact that yes, this was actually happening. Tomura was actually touching you, actually letting you lay your head against him and curl up to his side.

You imagined you really could fall asleep now, a certain kind of trustworthiness emanating from him that you usually didn’t feel from other guys.

Maybe it was because you’d known him for three years and he hadn’t tried to make a move on you. Maybe it was because, unlike the other frat boys or sports proteges who usually flirted with you or tried to make a move before they could even learn your name, it felt like Tomura actually cared for you.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” you asked him eventually, neither of you really paying attention to the movie anymore despite your stares being stuck to the screen.

“Uh…” Tomura began, recalling the memory easily though not wanting to let you onto the fact that he held it so preciously. “I think so. It was the first day of freshman intro, right?”

You nodded, and Tomura had to fight hard not to tense at the motion of your head against his chest. Getting used to the pressure of the contact was becoming easier, but the feeling of movement was still an entirely different thing for him.

“You were sitting in the back by the corner staring out the window,” you recounted, picturing the memory in your head like your own film of fondness.

You could still remember the way his silvery hair caught your attention through the crowd of eager new students, the way the sun casting through the glass panes painted half of his pale face with the warmth of late summer light.

He’d looked bothered by something as he gazed out at the campus landscape or, in the very least, deep in thought. You’d figured you ought to keep your distance from him, that you needed to make friends and he most definitely wasn’t going to give you the time of day.

But then something made the scarred-skinned and bloodshot-eyed boy turn his head to look at you, his bright crimson stare widening even more once he caught you staring back, quickly looking away to hide his embarrassment at being noticed, and by a girl as pretty as yourself at that.

“And I remember wondering…” you continued with an almost dreamlike lilt to your tone, “I remember wondering what exactly it was that you were thinking about before you looked over at me. You looked so deep in thought, like you didn’t even notice anyone else in the room.”

“I noticed you,” Tomura said, the words just sort of slipping out and making both of you tense for a moment. But when you looked up at him again he somehow found the courage to continue. “I mean, it’s just— You just caught my eye and…”

Tomura then let out an exaggerated sigh and removed his arm from around you momentarily to run his hands down his face, growing frustrated with his confined emotions and the lack of ways to express them.

But what he was really doing was talking around this.

He was avoiding what he actually wanted to say.

Because Tomura had known back then that he’d liked you and he definitely knew now that those feelings were even stronger.

And it was so hard to convey that to you without telling you everything, without opening years worth of old wounds, most of which he’d inflicted upon himself at this point, and risking scaring you away with all the odds and ends of his emotional baggage.

But he wanted to tell you.

Because he wanted you to understand.

He wanted you to understand that it wasn’t you— was never you— that had caused him to drag this game out for so long, getting stuck on this level of being nothing more than classmates or acquaintances.

Once Tomura realized that the only boss he had left to battle before advancing to the next stage was himself though, he gathered all the weapons in his arsenal and prepared for battle.

Because he was going to complete this game and he was determined to get a good ending.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” Tomura finally admitted, trying to keep his voice from breaking upon such a bold confession. But his bout of newfound confidence was short lived, the fear creeping up on him with its looming shadow, causing him to start stumbling over his words again as he choked out, “And I-I guess I just— Well, I mean I—”

“Tomura…” You sat up and turned your body to face him better, forcing him to look into your eyes while his mouth clamped shut and frowned slightly, scarlet gaze wide when he saw the sympathetic expression you were casting upon him.

Then, ever so carefully and with a featherlight touch, you reached up with both hands to gently cup his cheeks in your palms while you smiled at him with an unfamiliar sadness that he wasn’t used to seeing on your usually cheery face. He only flinched a little upon the initial contact but soon found that he liked the feeling of your soft skin against his, your little hands warm from being balled up in your sleeves and causing him to lean into the touch and close his vibrant eyes with calming comfort.

Because with you, Tomura realized he felt safe.

With you, Tomura felt loved.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time too,” you told him, and his eyes snapped back open like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, just staring at you in a daze for a few more moments until you added through a slightly nervous giggle, “Too bad you didn’t invite me over sooner.”

At this, Tomura couldn’t help but crack a crooked smirk, his expression softening a bit and then morphing into something a little sadder.

Because you were right.

Why hadn’t he invited you over sooner?

Well, the obvious answer was that he was always so terrified of getting close to someone and then messing it all up, of having any relationship he got lucky enough to form crumble to dust in his hands the moment he was able to finally feel like he was getting a grasp on it.

But ever since the beginning, you’d been different.

Unlike everyone else Tomura had come across during these past three years, you’d never expected anything of him other than for him to be exactly who he was, even if that was just a quiet, awkward loner. And, sure, he’d done you favors before, helped you with assignments you struggled on (especially ones involving computers) but you’d never tried to cozy up to him just so he’d let you cheat off him.

And you’d always returned the favor somehow, whether it was by bringing him a coffee during an early morning class you shared or offering to help edit his essays.

And the fact that he was just realizing this now, when the time felt like it was almost out…

Well, the notion brought him both a strange kind of relief and a little panic in knowing that yes, these next few months carried more weight than merely being a series of four weeks beholding different names.

“I… I’ve never really…” Tomura tried to explain, seeming to grow rigid again as you pulled your hands away to fidget in your lap while you continued to stare up at him with those adorably innocent eyes of yours. He let out a small sigh through his nose, again growing frustrated with his lack of direct communication.

It was like there was a gate inside his throat that would close every single time the words tried to slip through. It didn’t matter how many gaps in the perimeter they found, they’d be shut out every time until they were dragged back to the cell of his mind and locked away.

Stop being such a coward, he scolded himself mentally. Just fucking say it.

“Are you ok?” you asked him, pure concern falling over your features now.

Tomura’s gaze snapped back to meet yours as he quickly tried to salvage this moment, “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. It’s just…” He paused, hoping— praying— that his words could finally escape from the prison he’d kept them in for so long. Maybe he’d forget to lock the gate. Maybe, as their warden, his back would be turned when the searchlight fell upon them. Then they’d be free. He’d be free.

“Can I admit something really embarrassing to you?” he asked, trying to suppress a nervous smile.

You giggled again, the sound giving Tomura more of that feeling again, the one he was afraid of most of all. The one that he had to be careful not to let you see. You said, “Sure. Of course.”

Tomura took in one long, shaky breath, exhaling in the same way until he felt like he’d finally found the right order to arrange his words in their newfound freedom.

And then he told you everything.

He told you about his childhood and his trauma and his trust issues.

He told you how, not only had he never been with anyone, but didn’t even know how to be with someone. He told you how hard it was for him to watch others be happy as couples together, that this idea of singularity was the only one he’d ever felt comfortable with but was still curious as to what it might feel like to experience what he knew hundreds— thousands— of other people did on the daily.

“I thought it was just touch that was stopping me this whole time…” Tomura confessed, unable to look at you. Still though, when you’d placed your hand on his knee in an attempt to console him, he hadn’t flinched away. “But I think it’s maybe something more than that. And I’m just afraid that…” He flicked his vermillion gaze back up to meet yours for just a moment until averting it again, and now it was your turn to think about how cute he was, how innocent he seemed right now, how vulnerable. “I’m afraid that maybe no one’s ever gonna love me and no matter how hard I try I might never…”

You feared he might try to distance himself from you, mentally or physically, so you reached up to cup his cheek in your hand again since he seemed like he liked that last time, this time sliding your hand further around the back of his head to gently tangle in his fluffy hair, which was a lot softer than you’d expected it to be, twisting his loose curls around your fingers while you spoke quietly, as if to a sleeping child, and assured him, “I’ve known people who don’t deserve love. But, Tomura…” Your eyes were locked and this time neither of you dared to look away, both equally transfixed, mesmerized by the way the colors in each other’s irises caught the changing light of the movie still playing in the background. “You’re not one of them.”

Tomura wanted to cry and, for a moment, he was afraid tears might really be welling in his eyes. Because he’d gone his whole life being told or convinced by others or himself that there were so many things that he didn’t deserve. So many things that he could never have. But you’d just broken all those bad memories, shattered them like millions of tiny pieces of glass, reduced them to a state so small that they blew away like sand in the wind.

Because, for once, he believed what he was hearing.

Tomura believed that he deserved love.

“I know that things may seem scary sometimes,” you continued, readjusting your position to lean in a little closer to him. “We all have things about ourselves that we’re afraid others might think are weird or wrong if we show them. But I think you’d have to be kidding yourself to be convinced that everything about you is perfect. Even people who seem like that on the outside, who are super confident or cocky or whatever front they’re putting on. They have insecurities too.”

Tomura let out a strangled sort of chuckle, his chest shuddering with the sound as the back of his throat tightened, those tears threatening to break through the gate like his confession just had. “I just don’t wanna lose you…” he whispered as his forehead came down to rest against yours, the touch so gentle that you almost didn’t feel it until pressing into him a little harder, giving him a second to adjust to the contact.

“You’re not gonna lose me…” you whispered back, combing through his hair with both hands now and causing a few hitched breaths to escape through Tomura’s clenched teeth. “And I want you to know that, when you’re ready, I’m willing to help you try, if you still want to…”

Tomura was sure his heart stopped for a beat then.

Because yes, he really, really wanted to.

And he wanted it to be with you.

God, he wanted it to be with you.

It was a scenario he’d only seen in his dreams, in a place where he could touch you and be touched without really feeling it, though if he could handle it he could only imagine what it would feel like. What you would feel like.

“Is this ok?” you asked as your careful little hands drifted down to clasp around the back of his neck. When he nodded his head you gently stroked your thumb along his skin, tracing the raised line of a scar you could feel while trying to meet his timid gaze again as his own shaking hands lightly gripped your waist.

You slowly positioned yourself to straddle his lap, watching as his adam’s apple bobbed with a particularly thick gulp at seeing you like this. Feeling you like this, your legs spread over his lap as the weight of your thighs rested against the tops of his own.

“How ‘bout this…?” you whispered, your face reddening a bit as your own heartbeat picked up speed.

“Y-yeah…” Tomura replied shyly, his hesitant fingers digging into your hips a little more, so close to where the hem of your sweater and the waistband of your skirt could part to expose your soft skin. “Is… Is this ok?”

You let out a soft giggle then, which made Tomura blush, nervous that maybe he’d overstepped somehow, but when you drifted a little closer, wrapping your body around him in a tender, loving embrace, he felt a little more at ease, actually returning the gesture once he’d gotten used to it.

The two of you sat like that for a little while, the weight of your body pressed against his so warm, so welcoming to him despite his inexperience. And he allowed himself to gain a little more confidence, his hands traveling down your back and towards your hips again until they drifted even further and made contact with the bare skin of your thighs, which were still comfortably spread open on his lap.

He could feel that sensation within him building again, anxiety accompanying it the more he realized he could basically feel the outline of your sex against his own through the material of his jeans.

Would you think it rude of him if he got hard under you right now?

Well, he couldn’t exactly control that, but he didn’t have the first clue about what girls were really into, what they might consider gross or what might freak them out.

But then again, you wouldn’t have straddled his lap like this if you didn’t want to feel something…

“Can I…” Tomura began cautiously, his tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips as he nervously concluded the question of, “Can I kiss you?” And god, the sight of your sweet, innocent little smile that he imagined was reserved just for him was killing him, sending sparks shooting through his blood with white hot electricity.

“Course you can, silly,” you assured him through another adorable giggle.

And Tomura, who’d only ever fantasized about kissing you, knew that he didn’t have time to be a coward right now. He leaned in closer as your eyes closed, your lashes looking even longer than he’d noticed them to be before when he saw them lay flat against your cheeks.

So pretty, he thought as his own eyes fluttered closed and he felt his rough lips brush against your sweet, soft ones, hesitating only a moment before completing the gesture. She’s beautiful…

You tried to help guide him by the time both your mouths were open and your tongues met, taking in the taste of each other as several satisfied hums escaped from both your throats.

For Tomura’s first kiss, he wasn’t all that bad. You’d chuckled when he’d apologized for his teeth tapping against yours, but you told him not to worry about it, further directing him and allowing him to keep trying until he got it just right.

He was a fast learner. You had to hand it to him for that.

“A-Are you sure you’re still ok?” Tomura asked you during a break in your kiss. “I mean…”

“I’m ok,” you nodded, voice a sultry whisper. “As long as you are…?”

Tomura nodded as well, and when you slightly shifted your position on top of him, he felt a certain breed of dread turn cold in his veins.

Because he was completely hard now and both of you knew it.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I just—” he began to frantically apologize, instantly self conscious and unsure of what to do while you were still on top of him.

But you cut him off with an unbothered, “Tomura. Don’t worry, it’s fine,” before you actually pressed down harder on his growing erection, pulling a sudden and completely involuntary gasp from the boy underneath you at the pleasure and the surprise.

“Fuck…” His breath shuddered in his chest as he took in the sensation of you rolling your hips to grind against him, your panties getting wetter with every repetition of the motion, rubbing yourself in just the right spot and causing a melodic moan to sound out from your throat.

His grip on your hips tightened, eventually hard enough to make you wince, but you didn’t mind. You liked a little bit of pain if you trusted the person enough. And you trusted Tomura. You trusted him more than any of the other boys you’d let fuck you before. Because to them, you’d just been a body, just some place tight and pretty for them to stick it and get off with oftentimes zero regard for your own pleasure.

And those other guys, they’d talked about how many girls they’d had and how often they had them only to finish within five minutes or less once they were inside you.

So, for a virgin, Tomura wasn’t doing half bad.

In fact, he was already doing better than the other fuck boys that composed your body count. And you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself a little bit at the thought of all your exes seeing you walking around campus hand in hand with Tomura Shigaraki and looking happier and more satisfied than you’d ever looked with them. Because it would eat them alive, the thought that, for all the time and effort they claimed they put into their basic appearances or how much they could bench press at the gym, that none of that had ever mattered.

Not to you, at least.

“T-Tomura…” you whined as you pressed against him particularly hard, your own tightly coiled arousal twisting further inside of your core. And your mewling nearly had Tomura’s vermillion eyes rolling back in his head, such beautiful sounds coming from a gorgeous girl that he still couldn’t believe was on top of him right now.

“What…?” he exhaled, trying to focus on you a little more as his vision shifted in and out of a blurry haze of pleasure.

And when you whimpered out the most helpless, pathetic little, “Touch me…”

Well, Tomura almost lost his goddamn mind.

The more his hands explored your body, the more he was getting comfortable with the feeling of your skin against his. In fact, he actually really enjoyed touching you. It was more so you touching him that still put him a little on edge, though he was going to work hard to try and keep himself together when that time came.

His short nails grazed up under your skirt as he continued to kiss you, going a little deeper each time and feeling relief when you returned his level of passion. By the time his hands found their way up under your shirt though, he gave pause. However, instead of asking if you were ok again, he just looked at you and waited for you to nod, which you did, and then he gently pushed under your bra to cup your breasts in his palms, this skin even softer and more tender than where he’d touched you before.

“Here…” you muttered as you began to pull your sweater over your head, Tomura attempting to assist you where he could until your bare torso was exposed to him.

He couldn’t help but stare at the delicate lace of your bra, the way your chest rose and fell with each breath you took. When you said his name again he was pulled from his trance and picked up where he’d left off. You went to reach behind you to undo your bra but when you unsuccessfully fumbled with the clasps for a second, Tomura actually took initiative and unhooked it in one try to both of your surprises.

You both stared at each other for another long beat and then you shrugged your bra off entirely, discarding it to the floor and placing a hand on his shoulder to steady yourself as he began to knead your supple flesh in his hands, noticing how you reacted with another whine when he pinched your already perked nipples.

And he was pretty good at taking your auditory and bodily cues when it came to discovering places that you liked to be touched, your neck and ribs being two of your favorites so far that he’d been able to find.

Eventually, Tomura had ended up on top of you, finding himself once again not entirely sure where to go from here now that you were laying underneath him and looking up at him with those big doe-eyes of yours.

“D-do you want me to stop?” he asked you, praying that you wouldn’t nod your cute little head this time.

“Why would I want you to stop?” you responded, partially dumbfounded.

But that was all Tomura needed to continue, leaning down to kiss you again as one of his hands slipped under your skirt and brushed against the damp lace of your panties. You twitched at the gentle, ghosting touch but were desperate for him to keep going.

He was desperate too, though was trying to keep his need for you under control lest he become too over eager and scare you away.

But still, he couldn’t help but have a little laugh to himself inside the private confines of his mind.

Because Touya could go fuck himself.

Tomura would have sex with you on the couch out of spite for the comments his roommate had made earlier.

And if Touya gave Tomura shit for it once he got back, Tomura would just have to tell him tough luck.

And the fantasized altercation just felt all that much sweeter when Touya would inevitably realize that you’d given yourself to Tomura willingly, not falling for the rehearsed, backhanded pickup lines or sly smirks that the inky haired bastard thought he could use to lure in any girl he set his sapphire sights on.

So Tomura thought he ought to try and pull as many of those pretty little whines and moans from your throat as he could so he’d have more to replay and savor in his memory later or just whenever Touya tried to remind him what a pathetic virgin he was— well, used to be, after all was said and done tonight— and to help keep him company during his loneliest of evenings when you weren’t around to curl up by his side in person.

Tomura slipped his fingers under the side of your panties, slowly gliding them along your soaked slit and reveling in the way your back arched when his ministrations fell upon your most sensitive spot.

He started massaging slow circles onto your clit until you breathed out, “Faster,” and he instantly obliged.

In return for him being such a good listener, you rewarded him with those cute little sounds he liked so much, the frequency of your breathy moans and whimpers picking up along with the speed of his fingers.

When he finally dipped his digits inside of your tight, fluttering hole, he felt himself getting painfully hard, his cock aching as he got his first taste of what your walls would feel like when they clenched around him.

He let out a stifled groan and then a short, strangled yelp when you reached down to palm his erection that was pushing out from his jeans, waiting for a moment to make sure he was alright to proceed before your little fingers fumbled with the button and zipper.

“L-let me help you…” you offered, now reaching under the waistband of his boxers and wrapping a fist gently around his twitching cock, causing his entire body to tense and shudder as you slowly stroked him, motions getting faster and more intense until—

“S-stop! Stop…” Tomura gripped your wrist and stilled you, eyes wide and wild as he tried to catch his breath.

“I-I’m sorry…” you meekly apologized, feeling tears threaten to well as you were afraid he’d reject you now. “I-I didn’t mean—”

Tomura dropped his head to rest in the crook of your neck, feeling his breath on your skin, the trembling of his body on top of yours.

“It’s not… I don’t…” he mumbled, trying to calm himself down.

Because what he really wanted wasn’t for you to stop.

What he really wanted was to be inside you when he came.

What he really wanted was to go all the way. Or at least, as deep as he could without hurting you.

“What is it…?” you whispered as your fingers gently tangled in the fluffy, silvery tufts at the back of his neck again, trying to keep him close to you and assure him that everything was still ok.

After another second of attempting to regain his composure, Tomura lifted his head and met your worried gaze, silently pleading with you to continue to be patient with him, promising to get this right if you just gave him a little extra time with those bright crimson eyes.

“Can I take this off of you?” he asked, lightly tugging at your skirt. You nodded and then helped him slip it down from your hips, kicking it off to join your other clothes on the floor and left in nothing but your lace panties now.

And, god, Tomura had never seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life.

Even among the perfectly crafted and expertly coded virtual women displayed throughout the copious amount of video games he’d played during his lifetime, none of them could compare to you.

Because he could actually touch you.

And you could touch him back.

And Tomura was starting to crave the sensation he’d once feared so much, so long as it involved you in some capacity.

“What about you?” you inquired, lightly gripping at his pullover hoodie. “Are you gonna…?”

And for as much as Tomura had been excited to see what your body really looked like underneath all those cute outfits you always put together, you were equally as curious to see what lay behind the shield of his black long sleeves and jeans.

You wondered if his pale skin would be marked with more of those scratches he usually showed up with during a particularly stressful exam week, or maybe slashed with scars similar to the ones that peeked out from his collar and shirt sleeves.

You didn’t care what imperfections his body had sustained. You just wanted to see them, to know them, and to remind him that sometimes the most beautiful things in life are those that aren’t perfect.

So after a moment of hesitation and mental debating on whether he should show you the parts of him that even he didn’t like to see, Tomura pulled his hoodie over his head and tossed it over the back of the couch, revealing himself to you through the dimness of the living room where the movie screen cast an array of pale light over his skin as the scenes changed, the film nearing its end.

And, similar to what you’d predicted, Tomura did have countless scratches and scars and even a few freckles marking his otherwise flawless body.

But you liked him like that.

Because, unlike any of the previous guys you’d slept with or dated, Tomura was who he was. He wasn’t trying to be anyone else. And you’d been waiting a lifetime to come across someone like him the same as he’d been waiting to come across someone like you.

A chill ran through the both of you and you let out a small chuckle, suddenly unable to take things too seriously but loving that you could laugh about it in front of him. And when he asked you what was funny, a crooked grin quirking up on one corner of his chapped lips with the question, you simply replied, “Nothing. You’re just cute,” which made his face blush so red that his skin nearly matched his eyes.

“S-stop it…” he grumbled as he averted his gaze from you. “That’s not true.”

You clasped your fingers around the back of his neck and gently pulled him down a little closer, forcing his eyes to snap back to meet yours as he continued to blush and said, “It is true. Not my fault if you don’t believe it.”

Now both of you were giggling a little bit, even if Tomura’s laughter was more from nerves than actual amusement.

After you kissed him again and you both tried to find where you’d left off before his hoodie had found a new home on the floor, Tomura began to shift his position over you so that his head could lower between your thighs, both of you working together to remove the thin piece of lace that was left covering you until you were wearing nothing at all.

And if his fingers had been too skilled for a virgin, then his tongue was damn near masterful.

Maybe all those lonely nights spent slumped over in the dark watching porn on his phone had finally amounted to something, had finally paid off, because as he lapped along your glistening arousal and teased at your clit and hole with the tip of his long, slippery tongue, you had the strongest reaction to his touch that you’d experienced yet.

“T-Tomura!” you yelped when the teasing became too much. He stopped then and looked up at you with concern from where his head was still slightly lowered, tongue swiping along his lips to collect the lingering taste of you.

You reached out for him, beckoning him closer, to reassume his place overtop of you and he took the cue.

But now what?

Did you really want him to…?

“Take these off too…” you instructed, tugging on his already unzipped jeans. He quickly mumbled out a, “Oh right, yeah, ok,” as he hopped up off of you to shed his remaining clothes.

And you saw that, like his chest, his legs were also adorned with an array of scars, though not as many as his upper half. You wanted to ask him what happened, how he’d come to be like this, but that was a conversation that would have to wait. Because you were starting to feel bad when you once again noticed how hard he was.

Tomura had been focused on pleasuring you for several reasons— some being his want to impress you and also because he found it easier to touch you than to let himself be touched— but now you wanted to return the favor a little bit. At least, as much as he would let you.

You offered to perform the same treatment on him that he’d just done on you, but he actually politely denied it, knowing there was no way he would last much longer, especially if he even so much as envisioned your cute lips all puffy and swollen as they wrapped around his twitching cock.

So he just reassumed his position overtop of you and asked you one more time if you were ok, if you really wanted to do this, with him, and you pulled him down for another kiss, this one a little rougher than he was expecting, telling him once it broke that you appreciated his concern but you wanted him inside of you already, a sly little smirk playing on your lips as you knew such a confession would make him blush.

So, despite Tomura’s reddening face and shaky hands, he trusted your lead and began to stretch you, scissoring his fingers inside of you like you’d instructed him until you told him you were ready. He lined his aching cock up with your pretty little hole and almost came on the spot the moment the tip was inside, feeling your walls pulsing and clenching so relentlessly around him that for a moment he was afraid he’d lost control.

But he was able to hold on, his body nearly convulsing as every muscle of his being tensed and his breathing hitched.

Because, god, you felt even better than he ever could’ve imagined.

Once he was fully inserted, he waited a second for you to adjust, and then began thrusting, slowly at first, but soon enough he couldn’t help himself. He had you moaning and whining out his name every time he pounded into you, hips snapping against your inner thighs as he sunk even deeper.

It was total ecstasy, this feeling that he’d denied himself for so long. 

But it would’ve never been the same without you.

Never the same…

“S-slow down, Tomura…!” you pleaded through a whimper.

But he knew you were right, as much as he wanted to continue with the vicious pace.

Because if he didn’t slow down a little bit then it would be over soon.

And he wanted to draw this out as long as he could withstand, just in case maybe this would be the first and last time you’d want to do this with him.

But you were getting close, once he found a pace that was good for the both of you, and Tomura couldn’t take his gaze off you once your eyes finally rolled back and your neck craned, spine arching as your body trembled and you gushed all over his cock, walls constricting tighter than ever and causing him to sputter out a shaky, “Fuck…” as he filled you to the brim with his hot, sticky cum.

And then you both huddled together in a harmony of heavy breathing and shivering limbs, feeling the warmth emanating off each other’s skin. You reached around the back of his head to lightly tangle your little fingers into his soft, fluffy hair once again and he kissed the side of your neck, causing a cute little hum of satisfaction to vibrate in your throat when he sucked a gentle love bite into your flesh.

“Not bad…” you giggled after the haze of lust had cleared a little from your mind, Tomura continuing to take in your embrace, the scent of your skin and hair as he nuzzled his face closer into the crook of your neck. “You sure this was the first time you’ve done this?”

Tomura couldn’t help but scoff, his cheeks turning slightly pink again as a crooked smirk curved up on his lips.

“Shut up…” he chuckled, lifting his head to look you in the eyes, now gently weaving his careful hands into your hair like you’d done to him so many times.

After the two of you caught your breath, you jumped into the shower together, Tomura unable to keep his hands off you now that he knew he didn’t have anything to be afraid of, kissing a constellation of lilac and navy across your neck as he nipped at your skin, his hands trailing over every part of your body until he was sure he’d memorized every inch, every curve.

And he was addicted to you now, hooked on this feeling, this sense of safety and love that he’d never felt with anyone else before. He didn’t want to let you go. Didn’t want anyone else to be able to put their hands on you like this. And you, well, you definitely wanted this time to be the first of many. You figured, with a little guidance, he’d only get better over time, if he’d been that good on his first try.

That night, after you’d both gotten clean and changed into more comfortable clothes, you borrowing one of Tomura’s hoodies to sleep in, you curled up under the thin covers of the narrow dorm bed and cuddled together through the night, Tomura’s hands inevitably snaking up under the hoodie to softly stroke down your back or lay at rest over the dip of your waist.

And the entire time that he was trying to fall asleep, the only regret about tonight Tomura could find was that he’d waited this long. Waited this long to tell you how he’d really felt about you for all these years, waited to find enough courage to touch you and allow you to touch him in return, waited to kiss you, to taste you, to sink deep into you while you whimpered out his name like it was the only word you knew.

Because all of the pieces had finally arranged into precise placement for the tetris game that the two of you had been playing, the end screen nothing short of perfection as you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

***

(Hello! Hope you enjoyed if you made it all the way to the end lol

I usually tend to write long but damn I really overindulged myself with this one haha

Honestly I’ve been wanting to write a Tomura fic for a really long time and had come up with a list of ideas but this just so happened to be the first one I decided to tackle. So in other words, expect more to come in the future.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks again for reading! I feel like there’s probably other things I could do with this particular college AU Tomura so maybe more related one-shots will pop up over time.

Ok, bye for now~)

[captainninej]

Not too long ago, stans were telling antis to find a different series to read if they didn’t like feysand. HOSAB IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SERIES AND THEY STILL MADE A CAMEO. This whole thing is so funny but also kinda stressful because acotar has become so inescapable

i actually honestly thought ccity had potential as a fantasy series and that even though i didn't plan on reading past the first one, it marked a new start for sjm and hopefully got her back to writing quality books instead of chugging out toxic ACOTAR books. but noPE

it is really funny but also kinda sad for fans of ccity alone. and if you picked up this series without reading her other works, then you'll have no idea what's happening which i don't think is good storytelling. it doesn't make sense for either series, one being only two books in and the other being FIVE books in, for them to merge. there was no indication in the FIVE books of acotar that it was headed in this direction. some vague stuff about worlds and shit but that's just sarah regurgitating the same uncreative shit over and over, not being some literary genius who planned this from the beginning.

and we ALL know that sjm will now make ccity focus entirely on the ic (namely rhysand) instead of developing bryce and hunt. they will all be subjugated underneath this boring white man now.

i do really feel bad for readers of just ccity who didn't want to read acotar. sarah really fucked them over with this