#no longer talking abt the goats btw feel free to ignore if youre not invested in my personal life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

transgothicgenre · 2 years ago

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i really like mole because it's like. it's about a lot of things. but one of the biggest parts to me is the paranoia . like. "i know what you want and you know what i want" is already so incredibly damning bc that's not how human interaction works so at least one of these parties is making assumptions. and then just following that line up with "information, information". again its the assumption bc neither party is saying with any clarity what the information is so they could be communicating on totally different wavelengths but there's still just that unspoken level of assumption. you know what i want. i know what you want. we don't need to specify at all. you know. i know.

#sorry im like. hghghhghj. march makes me weird #im also. god. i feel bad because i cannot be normal about this #no longer talking abt the goats btw feel free to ignore if youre not invested in my personal life #but ive figured out whats setting me off and its so strange #bc i thought i got over it. this is a thing of the past. literally nearly a decade ago by this point #there is not a single me that remembers it and those that do are seeing someone else's warped vision of it #but it's. a thing. and it's messing me up. and i can't stop it and it frustrates me #i tried to ask my brain to stop it and they explicitly told me 'you don't get to make that request'.#and like. on monday i thought they were deliberating about what to do but it seems like theyre not or if they are they just wont tell me #and its. sucks. cause i dont like being excluded from conversations in the first place #and then theres people talking about things that im not present for which is a large part of what is freaking me out #(i say large part. i mean a small part interwoven w the rest but i don't know for sure bc i literally don't know)#but theyre just. im not. nobody is telling me anything. and im all alone and im getting paranoid about it. so hence the moleposting #its just frustrating cause some parts are avoidable and others arent #like shes always going to know things we dont know bc thats the basic idea of it #but she doesnt have to lie. about it. and misleading.#i dont want to confront her but i get the feeling that at some point i will not be given a choice which is unfortunate #considering that's likely to be big and loud and public #and i dont like that theyre collaborating without telling us. when the informed consent is sus. but thats gonna stop soon #they said its gonna stop soon and i have no choice but to believe them bc i cant. do anything. if theyre lying #i will say i cant like. speak for all parts but some of them have been sliding me notes under the table so to speak and theyre on my side #so that's something #but i really don't wanna have to explain anything. especially not publicly especially not to her etc etc #aand im getting the headache again so that is a sign to stop. goobaba all i hope tomorrow will be better #post

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