#no i don't want kids they'll get in the way of my Ambitions I don't want that kind of responsibility

[thebirdandhersong]

I think I'm over the "men are the WOOOOOORST" hill of irrational rage :D

[luviestarz]

yoon jeonghan fic recs!

✧ such a flirt ! - @amateurasterism (it’s simple: jeonghan knows he’s a flirt, but didn’t realize you flirting back was the key to breaking him.)

✧ deeper in denial ! - @amateurasterism (if there’s one thing you know about jeonghan, it’s that he’s a tease. what happens when the teasing makes it to soonyoung’s game of spin the bottle?)

✧ MON ANGE ! - @itadorins

✧ KIDULT - @hvae (jeonghan always believed he was never fond of children, especially when he took the job at your daycare. little did he know the child in him was playing hide and seek, finally revealing itself after growing to love the kids. oh, and you too)

✧ mirror mirror - @cheolism (jeonghan asks to roleplay him being jealous and fucks you like the little desperate slut you are)

✧ It's Nice To Have A Friend | yjh x reader - @sluttywoozi (You and Jeonghan have embarked on your fifth annual Best Friends trip, but it's a bit different than usual, considering he made the reservation under Yoon Y/N and told them he was your husband. What's a honeymoon between friends anyway?)

✧ a little attention - @onlymingyus

✧ MY ATTENTION - @slytherinshua

✧ when jeonghan realizes he's in love with you - @wonwoonlight

✧ 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐘 ♥︎ - yoon jeonghan ! - @hoshzone (not being able to wait until Jeonghan gets off the phone with Joshua, you decide it’d be a good idea to get yourself off on his thigh. He makes sure you pay for that.)

✧ call me by his name | yoon jeonghan [M] - @sweetlemontart (to you, one of jeonghan's most admirable trait is his candid nature. he's straightforward with most people—if he's angry, they'll definitely know. but with you? he'd rather swim the ocean day and night than take his anger out on you. well, that is, of course, unless you ask him to.)

✧ to live again | yoon jeonghan - @viastro (it’s been years since your last milestone birthday; a time when everything still felt right in the world with youth and ambition. now that you’re older and times have changed, would you dare take a chance to save someone else in the past at the cost of your own future?)

✧ 彡 my heart is beating for two. — yoon jeonghan - @seuonji (daycare worker yn! x secretary jeonghan — you’re a worker at the daycare and of course, your main priority is the safety of the kids. how’d you deal with an unfamiliar face trying to pick up one of the kids one day?)

✧ the long way | yoon jeonghan - @trblsvt (it was just like any other shoot. go in, pose, drink water, don't get food on the clothes, and don't joke around with the staff. easy. except it wasn't that easy.)

✧ — ode to you  - @lovelyhan (if there's one thing you've learned from all the lives you've spent together, it's that jeonghan isn't always someone you'll end up wanting. he can be crass. he can be secretive. he can be nothing short of vexing. but in the end, he's everything you need him to be.)

✧ rain and kisses | yoon jeonghan - @babyleostuff

✧ sharing is caring - yoon jeonghan - @etherealyoungk

✧ lowkey — yoon jeonghan - @chenfleur (Jeonghan's supposed to be on stage in twenty minutes, and he's nowhere to be found.)

✧ our dawn is hotter than day. - @ikigaisvt (in which you and your boyfriend says i love you for the first time surrounded by his friends.)

[m0e-ru]

i know your blog mainly focuses on more of the “side characters” (?) from p4 but i was curious if you had a favorite member of the investigation team? :3

side characters AHAHAUAHAA i like that theyre to the side because it makes it less pressuring to think about them compared to like an izanagillion piranhas infesting a lake about a more popular character. maybe that's why I'm repellant to them <- ??????

anyway I love risegirl from the bottom of my heart I want to brush her bangs and kiss her exposed forehead and tell her she's doing amazing and we hold hands and run around in a circle lalalalala. I don't have any pictures but shes just so sweet to me.

her idol life and masking 24/7 absolutely crushing her I'm glad she made the decision to bail and actually chill for a while a be herself with people that love her, instead of trucking on and breaking herself like other poor child idols. she has the strength to let people into her life and know that they'll accept her back. it's absolutely astounding to me that she can be so cheerful and hype up others to be their best even after everything she's been through, or maybe that's where she got her willpower in the first place. her ambitions for being an entertainer are genuine as she just wants to make little girls like she once was, and still is, be the best that they can be.

the competition and drama in the entertainment industry is predatory, but I'm also so happy she can bond and be friends with kanami and the rest of the kitchen girls, despite the rivalry being forced on poor middle school scouted idol kids.

it's so fascinating to me how she has a navigator persona, a support persona. along with her endearing and cute nature, she's keen on reading people and reacting accordingly. of course, you can't blame her for her shit reactions, with naoto most notably, because she's literally going through puberty I mean she just turned 16 cmon guys cut her some slack. she can raise people's spirit whether or not she's in her idol persona because that's her power as Rise Kujikawa, that's just the kind of person she is.

she's free to express her feelings, whether her excitement, her playful infatuation with bancho, push her boundaries when shes unsettled and needs space, being angry or annoyed or stressed, and even crying tears nowhere near crocodile tears. she's a very genuine girl and a very genuine teenager of her age. she regulates her emotions accordingly, whether or not she actually does, but it makes her feel real in that regard. there are things she'll regret once she's older but I'm glad she's living and thriving the way she's supposed to: freely—despite her working as an idol.

speaking of genuine, I love her quirks. her laugh is so cute and the way she squeals is adorable, in the english or jp dub, so props to both voice actors. she's pretty athletic, being a great dancer with enough stamina to sing along. but she's kind of shit at songwriting, with that one flavor text I thought was funny. she spends her free time outside her classroom looking at the fire alarm, tempted to ring it. she knows so much about tofu and walks around the shopping district in her apron when business is slow. she goes to remedial with kanji during the summer because their autism lies in doing vocal exercises and crocheting NAWT the pythagorean theorem.

don't get me started with her beef with marie because I think it's the cutest and most hilarious thing ever. imagine you're the labeled tsundere of the cast but your category 9 autism transfers all your tsundereism to the girl behind you. marie is hot and cold about her feelings, just being embarrassed when she puts her guard down in front of bancho usually. but she's a curious and impressionable girl, so when margaret insults the girl on TV, Marie's just going to parrot that and rise starts pouting about it "that's not how the slogan goes!!" But when bancho's out of the picture, they can be normal girl friends, eating desserts and styling outfits for each other and singing duets. hell, in pq, theodore makes a lame haiku and marie and rise giggle in unison. well, maybe rise isn't a tsundere in these cases, but her seiyuu Rie Kugimiya is known for voicing tsundere roles, some I'm already familiar with, so it's funny hearing her in her element.

I could keep going on how I love risegirl but I'm going to sleeo goodnight I love girls

[bkdk-art]

Okay. I need to get this out because this idea is literally haunting me.

So, welcome to my brainrot on how the fight between Izuku and Shigaraki / OFA and OFA will play out and how Katsuki could play a part in it 🙌🏼 Even though I know it's never gonna happen like this but anyways, let me dream a little.

[Edit: I wrote this before chapter 403 came out and our beloved returned 🧡]

I always come back to imagining the final, crucial confrontation would somehow end up happening in the vestige realm with Izuku und Shigaraki being on opposite sites and AFO trying to steal OFA from Izuku, just like in the Paranormal Liberation War Arc.

And I feel like this time the battle of emotions might be more challening for Izuku and the former OFA holders. Because, yes, they are still seven people and All Might's vestige has even more to bring to the table after his fight against AFO but so has AFO himself and Shigaraki as well. I mean, the LOV has been defeated, all his friends are in critical states, he's feeling used by AFO etc. etc.

So imagine, the forces collide and it seems to look not so well for our heroes, doom hanging not just over them but over all of Japan.

But that's when Katsuki steps in.

And in my head it plays out like this: Katsuki is entering the scene, maybe only a panel of his shoulders (him being in his UA uniform) is shown, the his feet, the drawing just hinting on him and suddenly the OFA side gets brighter and stronger and all sorts of emotions fill the space.

Namely, Katsuki's confidence, his anger, his ambition, his insecurities, his determination - with every step there're more emotions.

And then he stops, right next to Izuku. The greenhead is just shellshocked, not understanding how Katsuki is in the vestige realm to begin with and he's also so overwhelmed to see Katsuki looking like himself and not like the corpse Izuku had to witness earlier.

Katsuki, now standing next to his nerd, looks at Izuku with that soft expression that has been driving us all crazy lately and a new wave of Katsuki's emotions starts filling the realm: Tenderness, deep regret about his past behaviour, the frustration he used to feel towards Izuku when they were little and a new frustration about Izuku being too reckless, mixed with gut wrenching worry and fear, pride about Izuku's development and so, so, so much more, but all of this is nothing compared to when Katsuki holds out his hand to Izuku and-

Love. The love-kanji becomes dominant, taking up a full panel or even a full page, boosting OFA's fight against AFO's grip.

Izuku is still too stunned to think or understand anything but he would never reject Katsuki, so his hand moves on its own, wanting go grap the blond's but then he staggers, the thought of "control your heart" paralyzing him.

Because how can Izuku control his heart when it comes to Kacchan? Suddenly he's way too scared to take Katsuki's hand because everything could blow up in their faces and they can't risk one single slip against their opponents.

Daigoro, the fifth holder, who said those words all those months ago, is the one to snap Izuku out of his spiraling by saying: "Don't worry, kid, following your heart is important too."

That's all Izuku needs. He launches forward, intertwining his fingers with Katsuki's and slinging his other arm around the blond's shoulders.

Izuku lets all his suppressed feelings for Katsuki come to the surface, a storm of emotions rages through the realm and that's when AFO is hurled out of the domain, maybe even Shigaraki but leaving little scared Tenko there.

And there they are, Izuku and Katsuki, clinging to each other for a heartfelt moment until Katsuki mumbles something like "Don't you still have an ass to kick out there?"

Izuku leans back, tears in his eyes and makes Katsuki promise that they'll see each other again in the real word, that Katsuki has to come back to him. Katsuki makes the promise with a smirk, asking Izuku where else he was supposed to go.

Sharing a last, calm eyecontact in all of this chaos, Izuku gets back to end things with what's left of AFO and maybe even Shigaraki and the final fight is over, Edgeshot and Jeanist manage to save Katsuki, hero society needs to be rebuilt and all of that stuff and ~ the end.

And I'm very aware of the fact that it's not gonna play out like this but storywise it would work! Balancing the "control your heart"-theme in a more healthy way because up until now, it only has lead Izuku to supress stuff. And it would also resolve Katsuki's presence in the vestige realm and would make him the key to winning against AFO.

Because we all agree he has to play some part in it, right? But in my eyes, there's no way Katsuki could return to the real live battle field. I mean, half of his face and his dominant arm have been crushed, not to mention his heart (!) exploded (!!).

So. Yeah, that's it, that's the brainrot living rentfree in my head.

Okaythankyouforreadingthisbye ♡

[lewis-winters]

sorry, u can ignore this if u like but i been wanting to ask this queztion for days: who would the bob bous romance in bauldurs gate 3 do u think?

anon, I want you to know I fucking screamed when I saw this in my inbox like no fucking joke thank you for this overlap in my recent obsessions idk how to explain the absolute JOY this gave me the moment I saw it

first of all. i don't know if david webster would hate gale or if he would like gale. gale "of waterdeep" dekarios is just david webster but with magical powers and a very toxic ex girlfriend. do you understand me? do you get it? do you see the vision? either he hates him because like repels like, or he loves him because he sees something familiar in him and web's a little self-absorbed that way. DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND--

second, let's get this out of the way. speirs WOULD play dark urge. he would play dark urge and enjoy killing people. that has nothing to do with who he romances. i just need you to know that i think he would enjoy being the faerun's anti-christ and bhaal-daddy's favorite little boy. speirs would ALSO go for gale, mostly because he'd be VERY intrigued by gale's ambition as well as endeared by how gentle he is as a character. he's like... that's my slightly fucked up little guy!

third-- you just want to know who'll go for astarion, would you? you just wanna know, don'tcha? well i have an answer for you-- the answer is lip, malarkey, chuck, web, and dick! the ones who give you very strong omg i can fix him vibes. dick would be very upset if he accidentally ascends astarion though, are you fucking kidding me? he'd be SO upset.

bill guarnere and alton more would go for him, too, because they're chaotic. they'll do their damnedest to ascend astarion. and also because they're horny and astarion is unfortunately their beautiful princess with a disorder.

LEWIS NIXON WOULD HATE ASTARION DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME??? HE WOULD SEE HIM AS A MIRROR THAT REFLECTS ALL HIS WORST TRAITS BACK AT HIM DO YOU UNDERSTAND? DO YOU GET IT? lewis nixon WOULD however? go for wyll or gale, because they're both gentlemen, and lewis likes gentlemen. or he'd go for halsin, because if lewis nixon is anything, he is RIDDLED with daddy issues. though if he went for halsin he'd prolly break up with him in the end.

babe heffron would also go for wyll or halsin if he's playing a tav that's a bit closer to who he is irl. he might also go for karlach, because i feel like babe's type in men is the exact opposite of his type in women? like, he'd want a tall and buff lady who could break him in half but be real sweet about it, ya know? he might also go for shadowheart but fumble it so so so badly. he'd misclick and accidentally tell her he wants to break up.

eugene roe would find karlach and wyll very endearing and would go for one of them for sure. he'd view it as a win when they all end the game together in avernus. eugene roe can have a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time. as a treat.

i headcanon that harry likes mean girls (my iteration of kitty grogan is very much a mean girl) and because he likes mean girls, lae'zel and shadowheart are DEFINITELY up his alley. if he's doing an evil run, minthara, too. he'd also be very upset that he can't romance jaheira.

halsin or karlach for johnny martin. because he likes them big. he likes them chunky.

joe liebgott........ HAHAHAHA ok. he'd be so messy at this game he'd be trying to fuck everyone. he would ALSO go for astarion, but only in the beginning. i think he'd rather shadowheart, tbh, but I also think he'd go for karlach. he'd have a soft spot for lae'zel though. recognition through video game characters, i guess.

that's all I've got now though HAAHAHAHAH

[letterstopedrito]

#9

Dear Pedro,

I just saw this Sylvia Plath quote...

"What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.”

It... hit home. Really hard. I'm one of those "gifted kids," the ones who get told that they'll go on to do amazing things, important things. I got that shit all the way through college. I realized when I was about 16 that I was never going to live up to the idea people had of me. It got worse in college, when I realized that I had no idea what I wanted to do. All the ambition and drive of my youth, all the work I put in, all that praise led to... nothing.

I decided to be a teacher because I could not fathom what the fuck else I was supposed to do. And I hated it. I despised that job. It felt like I was battling this behemoth without any weapons at all, to try to teach and help these kids. I had no resources, no support, and the system is terrible. I couldn't handle it, so I quit. Now I'm a copy editor.

So I was supposed to be great, I had all this promise and I had this great education. And what I turned out to be was another mediocre millennial working from home. There is truly something horrific about the idea of being useless or unimportant.

I feel like I'm still young enough to fix my trajectory. I guess I could write a book of poetry and get it published. But I don't think mine is good enough for all that. I don't know. Basically, my whole life I was told I was going to be something and I ended up not being that. It's embarrassing, it's difficult. I want to be happy with where I'm at. I should be! But I don't know how to be satisfied with "fading out into an indifferent middle age."

Later Pedge,

G.

[cantkillhales]

I hate to be that person, really, but if I get called a hater then it's literally whatever do not gaf 😂. Eat my ass. I don't want to hate, just to be realistic. But so many people are Tumblr are so incredibly delusional about becoming "multimillionaires" or filthy stinking rich one day.

Not saying y'all won't come into wealth one day, but in order to become a multi-millionaire you would have had to be given a small loan of $100K. Or had rich parents/families. No amount of "grinding" or intermittent fasting is going to get you within reach of that. The vast majority of us on this app will not ever become that, but scrolling on here for 2 minutes or less I see like 18 different people having affirmations "I am EXPENSIVE and will be rich one day". Changing your attitude DOES bring in prosperity and wealth, yes, but millions?? MULTI-millions???? C'mon now 💀.

I don't want people to not have ambitions, I'm just saying be realistic. Wake up and smell the 🥀. It's just so delusional on here, like real bad. Being delusional does help with some things, but the greater part of humanity lived and died middle class. Working class. Poor.

And you haven't lived any less of a life if you aren't filthy stinking fucking rich. You can still attract beautiful, sensual, prosperous moments in your life without becoming a multimillionaire. Your life isn't small because of that. Me personally, I just want to be a thousandsnaire 💀💀💀. And to stay busy and curious. If I find a rich husband and become rich, great. If not, GREAT.

But I don't want to kid myself. I feel like too many of us on here are just way too balls deep in fucking Lala Land with this becoming millionaires shit. It's not different than all the tech bros who think they'll become an Elon Musk when they will fucking NOT 🤣🤣🤣💀😭.

Rant over.

[7r0773r]

There's Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Abdurraqib

And besides, it might do all of us some good to reconsider what making it even means, or at least to honor a world where making it is not defined by the glamorous exit, not only by television cameras, not only by coming back with a pair of trophies riding shotgun. What, after all, do you call it when your name is good on every block you touch, or when kids gather around porches to hear stories of when you were great, even if you haven't held a ball in a meaningful game in decades. When you don't have to pay for a drink, when the guys at the corner store wave you off while you reach into your pockets. What do you call it when players who came after you fight back tears at the mere memory of you, at the mere mention of your life now, the path you made. Someone who ages, thank God. Someone who lives beyond their past selves. But someone who is also bronzed, a monument embedded in the emotional infrastructure of a place. People will remember you, sweat-slicked and twirling through two defenders, splitting the foolish ambitions of your enemies. People will remember you, swinging from a rim with your eyes wide open, as if you can't believe that you got that high and can't believe that you have to come down. People will point to a kid wearing an Allen Iverson throwback jersey or a pair of Kobe Bryant sneakers and shake their heads, and maybe they'll say Estaban smoked all those fools once. And that's it, I promise you. Once is all it takes. It takes you, and a ball, and someone between you and the basket. You have won once, a single time, and worn your victory around your neck until it grew rust, and then wore it for years after. Don't talk to me about any version of making it that ends with someone like Estaban Weaver being described as a failure. Not if you weren't here. Not if you don't know what it's like for a city to make you into a savior before you finish ninth grade. Not if, despite that, you survived. (pp. 88-89)

***

Sometimes there are funerals, and sometimes there is nothing. No portal through which grief can be passed, no housewarming for the new grief that furnishes the ever-growing tower that we carry, that we are responsible for, whether we want to be or not. Both landlords and tenants within our own sadness, and sometimes it just happens. Grows while you sleep. Death isn't the only way to die, though it can be argued that it is the most merciful. (p. 90)

***

The greatest engine within the machinery of deception is mercy. The mercy visited upon you by those who know something is amiss but don't say shit. Who know the machinery is what is keeping you going, granting you a little bit of dignity. And the deception that mothers all other deceptions I may try to finesse past you is the one that whispers in my ear and tells me I keep all of my heartbreak in the chamber. Zip it up before going out into the world. But oh, how it overflows, even when I have prayed that it doesn't. And so I suppose I should assume there are many people to thank for their mercies. The friends who never asked the questions I didn't want to answer about the same clothes two days in a row or why a new person opened the door of my apartment when they knocked once and then never again.

But yes, also, the kind woman who once handed me a key to a storage unit I couldn't afford and who also, surely, heard me rustling around in that unit on the mornings I couldn't get out in time and who never knocked and who, when her manager came to do inspections on a morning I was tucked, trembling, in my sleeping bag, steered him in another direction, telling him I've checked these already outside of my door, the faint echo of her lie breathing life into my own prolonged lie. And yes, the library workers who did not shake me back to the living when I had nodded into a dream where I was free, and I mean the good kind of free, a dream no storm could snuff out. And yes, whoever saw fit to open the doors of the downtown church a little early on the mornings, and whoever saw fit to leave blankets on the pews, and whoever saw fit to play the gospel so low it became a morning lullaby, women singing about God and those who have run toward God and been lifted up beyond the wreckage, and I am thankful, too, that I did not, in that moment, stand over the cauldron of my rage. I am thankful that I simply slept, bathed in the glow of stained glass and the hues of the pastel Christs. But there was rage. I came to God once. I made a deal. I said If you give me this, I will give you anything. We both knew I was a liar. I suppose God is under no obligation to be merciful about our deceptions. (pp. 125-26)

***

There were years before the fences crowned with barbed wire. Years before the monochromatic manufacturing plants began to sprawl, before concrete was poured over the grass, over the brightest shouts of the yellow flowers. Before the parking lots and the cars, flooding the lots so tightly one could barely walk among them. Mostly, though, it was the time before the simplest, most mundane pleasures could be governed by fear.

In those years, when I was still young, my father would take my brother and me to a field that pushed right up against the airport. It is hard to imagine now, because of all of the aforementioned architecture designed to keep people away, or at least keep people with idle time and idle intentions away. But you could walk right up to the airport in those days. The Greenbrier housing projects were next to it, and our complex was just down the street. We'd drive most days, but if one wanted to, one could, in fact, walk straight onto the field, sit in the tall grass, lean back among the flowers, and watch the planes take off.

We'd always go at sunset, mostly on Fridays after my father got off work. It was one of the rare times with my father that demanded silence. No speaking, no music pushing the limits of stereo speakers in a car or living room. You were so close to the runways at the airport that you could feel the ground tremble when a plane was preparing to take off. That is how you knew to look up. The soil would jump, slightly, brown specks spilling over onto the brown hand pushed against the earth. And then, moments later, the reveal. From behind the airport building or a single tower interrupting the sky, a plane would emerge, the front of it tilting back, a mouth drinking in the sun's final offerings, brightness collapsing atop another, more alarming brightness. A metal machine, large and loud at first and then smaller, smaller, smaller, silent, gone.

At that age, I never thought there were people inside of the planes. I never imagined anyone leaving anywhere, or who they might be leaving behind. It all just seemed like a show, no different than the explosion of fireworks. Temporary decorations before the sky went black. (pp. 169-70)

***

Though I suppose fire is a type of song, too. Some might say fire is the song that arrives after all the begging has exhausted itself and after all those who reasonably asked and prayed and wept rise from their knees and make use of newly idle hands. Don't know what good it is to burn a few cheap jerseys and a pair of sneakers, but fire sho' gonna have its say, one way or another. Just let anyone who has ever stood in front of a police precinct with fingertips reeking of gasoline, wrapped around a bottle, a lighter itching in their pockets, tell it. Just let anyone taping a bomb underneath a car tell it. Just let the niggas who want their hood back one way or another tell it, but definitely don't let the gentrifiers ever tell it. And look, I'm not placing a value or morality judgment on the shit (I suppose it depends on who and what is doing the burning and what brought the burning to life), but fire is a song, fire be a whole symphony if you allow it to be. And I don't just mean its sounds, the way it disrupts the sky with a snapping of fingers—rhythmic if you catch it on the right notes (I suppose it depends on who and what is doing the burning there, too). I mean the hands, I mean its makers, I mean the things that drag people to its urgent heat, to watch and to spread its gleeful damage. The people who bring every wayward feeling they've held behind a near-bursting door and throw it in the flame. People who bring what some might plainly call sadness but what we know as the dry and fraying pages of our past lives, peeled off and accumulating in all the places we can't avoid and so let's instead say haunting. Yes, bring your hauntings down to the fire and throw them in. Bring not just the trinkets and tokens of dismantled love but bring your broken hearts, the whole damn faulty machine. There are enough new ones to go around. There are those who might say fire carries a mercy with it, which I take to mean that it doesn't prolong the anguish. In the promised land, on the other side of this sometimes-wretched scroll of miserable, spinning days, I would guess that the decorum there will suggest that we not ask each other how we died or what dying felt like, the same way that those who have been locked up don't ask people how they got there. [paragraph break added]

But the living have thoughts on burning alive. Scientists say that it's the worst feeling imaginable at first. But then, nothing. The heat from the fire quickly chews through nerves, senses, renders the dying person without feeling. The dying person, they say, is transported toward a type of ecstasy. Forgive my wandering into the fantasies of no longer living, once again, but I would want to hear from someone who crossed over, who spun through the flame and ended up in the after-life. No telling how I'll go whenever I go, but I am skeptical of anyone living who suggests that any part of dying is less painful than it seems, in the physical sense or otherwise. But I want to believe. Knowing as I do that I absolutely will one day have both legs over the fence that divides living from whatever comes after, and knowing as I do that leaping from the top of that fence might not be my choice. I would like to believe in this idea of ecstasy, or at least a moment when there is awareness of what consumes us but no physical feeling to attach it to. I respect fire like I respect any song that bends to the desire of the person who summons it. The flame is political, of course, but it is sometimes mundane, sometimes romantic, sometimes simply a necessity, and not all necessities are political but some certainly are mundane and a few damn sure are something close to romantic. And speaking of burning for a brief, candescent moment before there is nothing left to be felt, this, too, is longing. This, too, is at least one stage of heart-break. The earliest stage, when any damage will do and it is seductive to watch some shit go up in flames, even though the burning won't bring back anything any of us miss or love. But that ain't the point. I get why the jerseys burned in Cleveland, I get why the men gathered around and sacrificed their once-beloved garments. How quickly can we get past the part where we feel everything and cross the other threshold, gasping and numb. (pp. 198-200)

***

Though I had been seduced back under the familiar covers of Ohio for far more trivial reasons than basketball, this time I didn't make the trip home only to watch a game on a TV in a pal's living room. On June 6, 2016, Columbus police murdered twenty-three-year-old Henry Green. Green was a victim of the city's newly minted Summer Safety Initiative, brought to life by the mayor, encouraging police to target "hot spots," places in the city deemed to be at risk for crime. 

The murder happened in the early not-quite-summer that hovers over central Ohio. The days are longer and gripped by an extension of twilight, but whatever real freedom summer can contain for anyone not beholden to the schedule of school hasn't been determined yet. At 6:30 p.m., Green was walking back to his aunt's house with his friend, Christian Rutledge. A white SUV with tinted windows swerved in their direction, and two white men jumped out. Plainclothes cops. Jumpout boys. Wearing shorts and T-shirts and pointing guns. Rutledge heard one of the men shout You gonna pull a gun on me, motherfucker? before firing. Rutledge ran; Green was hit seven times. He was taken to the hospital. His parents were not allowed to see his body. There was blood on the sidewalk where he was given CPR, where people would place lit candles in the days to come. In the immediate aftermath of this kind of violence and the tremors of grief that encase this kind of violence, there are logistics of healing that escape the grander designs of burial, of taking meals to a family's doorstep. How does a person's blood get washed away from a sidewalk on a block they lived and loved in, on a block where they waved to neighbors, carried groceries home? What of an early and humid summer where the clouds sit, overburdened with rain they refuse to release?

Whatever is left behind dries and turns a dark crimson, the wayward light from candles flickering over what remains—a strange kind of memorial, a strange kind of haunting. I got home, and before going to the store and then to watch the game, I went to the street where Henry Green was murdered. It was a street I knew, a street near where I'd played ball before, hustled on basketball courts before, near places where I'd slept when I had nowhere to sleep. When I got there, I had nothing to clean the ground with, and if I did, I'm not sure it would have been the most appropriate step for me to do such a thing. But I remember what was left

5:19

of the blood and I remember the light from a candle hovering over it as the sun began to set and I remember staring down at my shoes and I remember feeling like the concrete was opening up and I know this to be nothing but rage I know this to be what comes after swinging wild punches at the air and imagining the faces of your worst demons the cops the politicians who call the places you love war zones the helicopters that won't let you sleep that claw through the walls and wake up elders and children and goddamn I remember at my feet that blood-stained concrete just split right in half and opened up and I want a whole city underground if it does not love my people I want to bury the new condo developments instead of my people I want to bury the craft breweries and the barcades and the mixed-use helltowers instead of my people I want the statues melted down I want the mothers of murdered children to do it I want the heat to rise from a statue's vanishing and last for ten summers I don't want apologies anymore no not this time I want the mayor to walk through a place he called a war zone at night I want people to get real honest with themselves about what war actually is I want the schools to have heat I want the schools to have air I want the riot gear thrown in the river the river that was blue when I was a boy but now leaves brown streaks as it runs away from the city I want the brown river to carry the riot gear to some other hell and I want the babies to stop passing out in school do you hear me I want a whole city under the ground some days but I at least want the rain I at least want something to wash the blood away so that no one who loved him has to and somewhere beyond the blood what I don't remember is

5:00

when I learned not to run from the cops and I don't remember when I first ignored that advice. But I always laugh in movies when there are people running from cops, who stop abruptly, fear in their eyes, when they hear a gun cock, or hear a shot fired in the air. If there is a usefulness in being able to see what's coming, it comes when one feels like one has at least a little control over what the outcome might be.

But we're talking cops��motherfuckers you know are cops. Who roll up in the blue and whites or at least roll up on you wearing the uniform of treacherous empire. Easy to spot and easy to plan around.

Henry Green was murdered by what looked like two plain dudes hopping out of an SUV with blacked-out windows. There's a difference when one gets rolled up on that way. Running might be in the cards, sure, but you might stay fixed to the ground just long enough to see what's going on, even if it seems like it might be what does you in. This is, in part, what makes the jumpout boys exceedingly nefarious, operating in neighborhoods using tactics that have a very specific translation and more of reaction that shifts, ever so slightly, from how someone might react to sirens, to a badge. The officers that pulled up on Green were supposed to be acting as surveillance in the neighborhood, calling in a cruiser if anything looked suspicious. This stuck with me when I first heard the story in Connecticut. I don't trust anyone who isn't from where I'm from, who doesn't live where I live, to report anything as "suspicious" or "not suspicious," and yet this is the ecosystem that I've known and had to rely on, that people I love are subjected to. Tourists wandering through areas they don't have any connection to, speculating on people they couldn't care less about. Life and death, determined by the haphazard tourism of people who believe they are eternally at war with everyone but themselves. (pp. 278-82)

***

If I haven't made it clear yet, this is all about the good fortune of who gets to make it out of somewhere and who doesn't. Who survives and how. But let it be known that some of us

0:30

never once dreamed of leaving. Never thought about making it out of any place as glorious as this. Tell me if you have ever built a heaven out of nothing, and then tell me what it would take for you to look for a new one somewhere else. The people who circle this heaven from the outside wouldn't know this. Might think that everyone is trying to make it somewhere else, through ball, through music. That's another myth. Crack rock or jump shot. Courts and cages and caskets. Everyone getting out one way or another, or so some might say. Some with no imagination, who speed through the hood, who speculate about sneakers ornamenting telephone poles. Who read stories of gunshots dragging serenity from the arms of nighttime. Some who imagine a place with no fathers, who—relying on that myth—believe mothers and grandmothers incapable of the type of ferocious affection that might pull a child back from any ledge they run toward. I never wanted to be anywhere other than where I was, my two feet planted on concrete that was breaking, but satisfied to still be of use. I never wanted to stray far from the shitty speakers weighing down old trunks, the symphony of bass and rattling metal, the smoke that drifts from an open window, an arm swinging from it, a wrist dangling out the side, a gold bracelet on that wrist, the sunlight running its fingers along the links, the shine of it, echoing for blocks. My people are here, and my people built the here in their image, and at least for a few precious years, there was nowhere to make it out of. We built the impossible utopia. You can't see the fence, but it's there. It'll keep you out, too, if you don't come correct. The gangs were never our enemies, but the people who look upon where we stay and see gangs in every gathering certainly were our enemies. But I ain't never gonna complain about who don't come around. If that's what it takes, then yes,

0:25

gang everywhere. A gang of stars mobs the infinite, cloudless black. A gang of black blooms infinite through a mob of dripping light, which reflects off of the sweat mobbing the skin of the black kids who should be home but are instead ganged up on the dying summer, the night itself sweating out a gang of shouts that swallow the gang of sirens, the echo of a ball fired off of a backboard mobs the silence, which was hardly ever silence around here anyway. A whole gang of porches and mobs of good folk set atop them, a gang of shoes or bare feet stomping the old wood, beckoning a mob of dust to fly skyward before settling right back down where it was, where it has always been, the homie leans back in the grass while a gang of fireflies decorate the absence above our heads and he says I'ma have me a gang of kids, and my kids gonna have a gang of kids, and we ain't never leaving. We gonna own a whole block of houses, right here in the hood. (pp. 313-15)

[bbxteeblog]

I miss the ignorant me, the one that had no idea what was ahead of her but with more energy and more willingness to reach for things. I miss that burst of confidence, I miss the way she would just show up and do the work, no matter how small. When the pandemic hit, it made me aware how little life means to me, how little purpose I had, and how many different people will keep disappointing me. I keep getting overlooked and abandoned. I know I am a insecure person, I know my skin isn't very thick because words and events will takes it critical hits on me and my self-esteem. The positive voice that I barely have isn't much for encouragement and not even the constant parent nagging and controlling behavior is substantial to want to do things for myself. I am still this lost, confused person with nothing. There's no ambition, there's no passion, there's nothing I am good at and I don't even have any friends. Friends that rather post on twitter instead of sharing their life with you says something, friends that gets mad at you for opening up and just shoves the problems back at your face. No wonder I stopped talking about my feelings, my feelings don't mean anything. Whatever I do, doesn't please anyone and I don't know how to just live happily. I don't know how to handle stressful situations without blaming myself every step of the way. There's a reason why I fade out people that "reach" out to me, I feel I don't deserve their time because I have nothing to offer. The person I feel "comfortable" is someone that cares but doesn't love me. I don't know if I really mean anything or if they'll miss me if I ever was gone because they never message me first or ask me anything. I am so lonely, every day has gotten difficult to do normal things. I am more tired, more exhausted than before when I don't go outside or work anymore. I feel so trapped no matter where I am, like I am holding myself prisoner for a crime I never committed and yet I feel I deserve this isolation and emptiness. Who the hell am I these days? I am not a friend, not a job, not a good daughter, I am not anything. Makes me wonder if I ever knew who I was to begin with, I feel so broken and nothing sticks to me, nothing puts me together. I feel so envious of people that are getting married, engaged or have kids. I feel jealousy when I don't want to be that person, some kind of villain in someone's else story.

[daydreambelievcr]

"Aww, hush. That's only true for circus stuff. Believe it or not, sometimes I prefer to stay on the sidelines. It's just as nice of a view," she remarked, fair cheeks plumping as a wide smile bloomed across her features. "Ah, so you called in the experts. Lou and Sky are both real creative. They help me with crafts for the daycare kids all the time. But I'm not workin' on anything too fancy right now. Mostly just some crochet projects for the holidays comin' up," she informed him, her mind wandering to the things she'd been idly making in her spare time with him in mind.

"Huh... I guess I do wear a lot of pink, don't I?" she mused, a touch of surprise in her voice that Seojun had taken notice of the staples in her wardrobe. At the mention of getting her something for the holidays, her eyes grew wider, brows shooting up with curiosity. But she didn't want to spoil his plans, so she played along. "Heard what? I didn't hear a thing. Scout's honor," she insisted, crossing a hand over her heart for good measure. "But now that you mention it... your graduation's comin' up too, right?"

As he recounted his training regime, Valerie pursed her lips together, doing her best to listen intently and keep any notions of solidarity to herself. She had her own stories of days packed with rehearsals as a child, with never enough time to properly rest and mounting pressure coming from all directions. But it wasn't something she told many people in Anchorage, content to leave that part of her life dead and buried. "You did all that as a kid? How'd you balance that kind of schedule with school?" the blonde wondered wistfully, doing her best to keep her voice light and curious, though a concerned wrinkle still snuck it's way onto her brow. "I admire you for going after what you really wanted... for not letting your dad's ambition color your vision of the future. It takes courage to forge your own path. And it's a good thing that someone like you will be in charge of helpin' people get justice. They'll be in good hands," she said softly, offering him a small grin. Though the sincerity of her sentiment was palpable, the performer didn't want to weigh down their evening with anything too heavy, so she made an attempt at a light-hearted redirect. "I salute you, 'cause I definitely don't have the stomach for that kind of work. I can't even watch those crime shows everyone seems to be obsessed with," Val laughed. In truth, most of those shows made her feel physically ill—not exactly what she considered escapist entertainment. "I'm the charming one? Uh, I reckon you're a pretty smooth talker yourself, darlin'," she shot back, any momentary tension in her features fading away.

"I bet you hear some wild stuff at the bar. Humans are fascinatin' creatures, aren't they?" The former actress could only begin to imagine being a fly on the wall at a place like that, but she was more inclined to patronize establishments lit up in fluorescents that served overpriced, sugary cocktails. "Hey, there's nothin' wrong with havin' your usual haunts. Although, that does make me feel extra special, that you've added my show to your very exclusive list of stops," she teased, feeling lighter at the thought that maybe he came to the carnival just to see her. "You'd be surprised; kids are pretty resilient. They take tumbles and usually spring right back up. But I'm also not six feet tall, so I can avoid them a lot easier than you," she chuckled, playfully bumping her hip against his. "Ooh, how'd ya know I love lemonade? Let me know if you spot a pitcher. What about you? What's your drink of choice?"

"Girlie, if I ever lose you in a crowd, I'll just found ya at the center of it", Seojun retorted with a smile. There had been times back at the circus when he couldn't get near because of the amount of people surrounding her after the show. Everybody wanted a word, a picture or any kind of attention she could give them for at least an instant. Seojun nodded at her question about the costume. "Lou and Sky helped me with the more artistic details since I'm not very good with that", he admitted. "Sounds like you got a bunch of hobbies. Anythin' you're currently working on?", Seojun asked with another little smile.

"It's definitely the hair", he agreed, "but the personality and all the pink certainly contribute to the image. Holidays are a month away but at least now I know pink stuff will do the trick". Oh, it was probably not a good idea to spoil his thoughts of giving her a present and it hit him a bit too late. "—— forget i said that", he grunted.

"It was intense for real", he nodded. "Training every day, keeping up with worldwide scores, news and regulations; little time to meet with my friends and so on. Dad has always been training Olympic athletes for a job and I used to spend so much time with him at the gym that eventually it piqued my curiosity as well", Seojun explained. He went silent for a bit at her questions. "Well..." he pondered for a bit if it was either too early into their friendship or into the night to open up about such personal stuff, but one last glance at her made him wave off the hesitance, "it started to feel like my dad craved that gold way more than me", he shrugged, "and there's so much you can do until you have to retire from Olympics. Didn't want to spend my life training others afterwards. Wanted to make a positive impact that lasted longer, so solving crimes it is", Seojun dropped a little laugh as if to lighten the mood of words that carried even more meaning and weight than he had originally disclosed. Still, the heaviness was nicely dodged with how casually she dropped a compliment. "Ain't you a charming one, belle?" Southern accent easily dripping when the jokes started to roll in.

"Depends on the occasion and the company", he shot back with half a smirk after swallowing the big bite. "Working at the pub gives me enough wild interactions throughout the week, but the occasional visit to the boom boom room or a warm place to eat something is not scratched out. Most nights I'll spend them at home catching up with school work, though", he explained. "The carnival was a rare occurrence, because it can feel slightly overwhelming with so many children running around. I'm scared I might bump into one and get an angry mom yelling at me", he laughed. "But your performance is part of my routine now; so it's worth the risk", Seojun added while already reaching for a cupcake similar to hers. "Are you drinking anything, by the way? I've heard the strawberry lemonade is good".

[totiredtowrite]

Can you write aizawa meeting denkis dad and like father like son is also a himbo?

Thoughtless Man - Headcanons

Warnings - Cursing

Note: Long headcanons? Long headcanons! Now I know what you're gonna say, "But Unavailable, the only two Aizawa works you have are headcanons!" and you are absolutely correct. My brain is going down the drain, I don't think I could pull another full fic out of my backside 😩. I did have fun with this though, the loose format of headcanons is a nice break from plot development in fics hehe

sorry it took like a week lmao

Male Reader

Tired hobo man oh noo

Aizawa is just a himbo magnet

This poor poor man istg

Anyways it's himbo headcanon time hehe

Different formatting 0o0

Meeting

You met at a typical parent teacher conference

Honestly Aizawa was hoping that you would be nothing like your son, but the universe has dashed his hopes once more

You seemed very respectful though, so at least you don't sUCK-

But anyways

You yourself aren't a hero, but you fully support Denki's ambition

Aizawa actually thought it was kind of endearing how much you wanted him to succeed

He'd casually slip something in like "Where'd he get his energy from" or something like that

And you'd just kind of chuckle and go "His mom. We split up though, so I try my best to deal with him :)"

CAUGHT HIS ATTENTION

You're single?

ohoho

Well that changes everything doesn't it?

No, actually, it doesn't.

He doesn't care.

Not now at least

Aizawa's Totally Heterosexual Panic

After the conference Aizawa was doing his normal stuff

Yknow, being tired and hating his job

Everything is as usual

Until you popped into his classroom??

You could see the question marks in the air

Naturally he's like "Oh Kaminari's hot dad why r u here?"

And you'd answer with something about needing to leave something for Denki

Because I can't think of a valid reason

PLOT PROGRESSION

You, being charismatic somehow coerced him into a conversation?

And you were actually really sweet and fun to talk to???

Panic frfr

As it turns out you're just oblivious and naturally good with people

If you aren't just pretend

So now the little fact that you're single is just CIRCLING HIS HEAD

Oh no, what will this 100% straight man do?

How This Disaster Relationship Happened

This man didn't ask you out he's too much of a pussy

He can handle literally anything but this

Villains? Yeah sure he'll beat their ass

Angsty teenagers with strong quirks? Yeah he's got it

Present Mic? Kind of-

But he absolutely will not ask you out first

How rude, you had to do it

You actually ran into each other at the supermarket

You, having a kid ykyk go to the store every now and then so you don't starve

And you saw Aizawaaaaa

And you basically just run up to him n go "Aizawa-san!"

Man was terrified

Basically you struck up another conversation

One topic led to another topic, and before you knew it, you said "Hey wanna get dinner sometime?"

He got sO REd

Ofc he said yes he isn't a loser smh

And BOOM relationship

How You Are As A Couple

Cuuute

Zawa is soft for you but he will admit it the day he dies

He doesn't have to admit it though

He's obvious frfr

Present Mic and Midnight tease him about it all the time

You're picking him up from work?

Bet ur ass they'll poke fun at him

They are actually happy for him though, the man needs some love

Aizawa is surprisingly affectoinate

He won't initiate anything though

He'll just kind of hover around you until you invite him to cuddle

man is hopeless

But now for the elephant in the room

Your son 0-0

Denki actually didn't know you and Aizawa were together until like 2 or 3 months after

Aizawa had left his keys at your place

And you figured "hey why not give them to him, it's along the way to my work anyways"

So you pull up to UA

Check in through the front (cause security ykyk), and head to his classroom

You open the door, say "hey babe you left your keys," dropped the keys on his desk, gave him a kiss on the cheek, waved to denki, and left

The chaos you just walked away from

"AIZAWA-SENSEI'S DATING MY DAD???"

Kirishima and Mina will not let him live it down

Denki totally calls Aizawa dad just to gauge his reaction

So much chaos I love it

[ivesambrose]

Pick a gif which tugs at your heart and/or evokes a long lost memory or a dream. 💙

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com 💫

1.

2.

3.

1.

You've prayed for them, manifested them into your life. You've asked and received.

They've broken tradition in some way. Either in their family, social group/community or they will be the one who breaks your usual type.

A very good listener. Has a penetrative gaze, their facial expressions are actually very emotive. You'd actually find it fascinating.

Anytime they're stressed they'll go and take a walk or be out in nature. They gather inspiration from there as well. They value they quiet time but they also work well with others. They know several people likely but trust very few. Probably have this same set of close friends for the past several years. They don't really open up easily but their aura is comforting. Pretty non judgemental and grounded.

A leader / has latent leadership qualities in a group setting. (can have a strong Aries or Mars influence in them)

Might be into puzzles, board games, putting things together.

Experimental and changes their look often. But they pull it off brilliantly.

Looks really good in red and / or white.

Strong morals, strong sense of right and wrong. They could be going through something but it's not easily visible on their face. Could have an air rising (gemini, libra or aquarius) or can keep a poker face.

Very attractive. Since they do change their appearance often they have definitely bleached their hair at one point. Fair skin with a sun-kissed glow / tan to them. Broad - strong shoulders, narrow waist, strong legs. Might have played sports or is good at sports. This is someone who learns things relatively quick given how attentive they are.

I'm tempted to say they have daddy vibes. Yes even if they identify as female. They have the BDE.

Ambivert but leaning a little more towards the introvert side. However in social settings they do handle things well given their confidence regardless of how shy they can be. However once you get to know them they'd be very quirky and funny around you. The kind to randomly do a weird tik tok challenge but for you/close friends/cuz they felt like it and not the camera

Cinematography, cinema, editing, photography.

Well travelled, street smart and knowledgeable.

They love hoarding knowledge, you'd be surprised.

You'll meet them when you leave a place/location or situation that's been causing you stress and giving you more anxiety and repression than peace and progress. Highly likely during travel or once you've relocated to some place.

2.

Sensual. So damn sensual and captivating. They look unreal sometimes honestly it's intimidating.

Something about their voice is downright so enchanting and sexy. You can't help but feel attracted to them, it's almost annoying how drawn you feel. (possible lilith rising, could have scorpio and taurus or capricorn placements) I mean I wouldn't be surprised if they sing, have an asmr channel, are a speaker, spokesperson or representative etc

Very dreamy, rather spiritual as well. They definitely have faith in something that they feel is above them. They seem a little prone to really vivid dreams as well as nightmares. Might even be a bit clairvoyant or Clairsentient.

Secure in their business and career might own a business actually. Thing is there is a lot of goals they want to accomplish. But they're not the kind to stall it, they actively go for it. They don't care, they'll achieve it. Especially if you tell them that they can't, then they definitely will. However their ambitions aren't the shallow kind, they really do want to leave a mark or simply express themselves for how they are on the inside.

Either they look like a complete softie, care bear, mom friend or they look like a siren or what Christian Grey thought he was or they have the aura Eric Draven had in The Crow or Maleficent carries. There's no in between. They switching positions like that Ariana song.

They have the most kissable lips.

Highly likely have tattoos because they love the sensation of getting inked.

Tall, lean, Dark hair, dark eyes, beauty spots, really nice hands. Look really good in every shade of blue and green, black (definitely black) and even certain floral or geometric prints. They may also like wearing accessories a lot.

For some reason I saw a crown.

Emotional and intense, they need a creative outlet of expression or they shut down. Like, I kid you not they need to at least once completely lose themselves in something then come home and pass out on the sofa.

Expect a lot of thoughtful random gifts and display of affections from them. They're a bit possesive, I almost feel they can be a little bratty but oh when they look at you, they have eyes only for you. Talking to them is finding a best friend from a life you have no knowledge of but yet it feels right.

Sincere

Trust

Romantic

Passionate

Beach baby / loves the water. Doesn't really like the cold as much.

They may have a pet? They seem to be very good with animals.

You'd meet them when you feel really good about yourself, you'd be really feeling yourself or would have achieved something. Making travel plans or setting your next goals it might even be night. It'll feel perfect actually, right it happened at the right time. You'd be getting signs though but I feel you'd be preparing yourself for other exciting stuff to take proper note of them and boom it happens.

3.

An explorer, a seeker, a student who wants to keep learning, keep being a ray of sunshine in everyone's life.

They seek their soul family/found family or would really want a family of their own someday. Very good with kids likely or at most, very patient with different types of people.

Honestly if they were a Pokémon they'd be bulbasaur.

Regardless of their age they're very youthful, the inner child is intact.

They might dress very vintage or old school. Very laid back actually. Also something about walking barefeet on wooden floors came up. They look they belong in a old photograph / polaroid almost. I'm not getting much on their looks besides they look like they belong in a painting or old polaroid. They feel like home, they feel like laying in a field and relishing the golden hour, they feel the the type whose hand you'd hold and run off with. Red and browns are definitely their color, they pull of the muted tones really well. (almost thought of Taylor Swift's Willow music video)

Might have a strong aquarius and capricorn influence in their chart as well.

Their upbringing may not have been in the best conditions but they've worked very hard or are working very hard to improve their quality of life or give back to their family in some way. In some way they've turned their life around. They did a full 180. Crazy.

Deep voice. Warm whispers.

Honey in tea.

Carnations, lilies and red grapes.

They'd like to celebrate the little victories in their life with you. They get happy over the simple things so much, I can just feel my heart melt because of this person and their smile. They're so affectionate and kind and it's making me tear up almost. Wow.

Also they smell really nice. Flowery notes maybe?

They love touching foreheads.

Might play an instrument or paint.

Honestly, I kid you not. They feel straight out of a fantasy book. The closest characters I can think of is Westley from Princess Bride, Aurora from Maleficent and Belle from Beauty and the beast.

You'll likely meet them when you've shut out something toxic in your life. You may not even be looking for love, this might be after a break up even, you may even be escaping a situation or be away from a gathering and be around New people / faces you aren't as familiar with when this happens. Your anxiety will ease around this person. You might even had a passing thought or dream of this scenario before it happens but you'll brush off the thought thinking that isn't possible or something, then you'll be in for a surprise regardless.

[fiveisnumber1]

I'm getting attached to way too many 5SOS songs for these two but you recommended it and I got hooked so here's another impromptu music analysis cuz can't stop, won't stop:

Here I am waking up Still can't sleep on your side There's your coffee cup The lipstick stain fades with time If I can dream long enough You'd tell me I'd be just fine I'll be just fine

I have SO MANY THOUGHTS. I analysed these verses as both Reader and Five. Sort of like a split screen/back and forth thing.

Reader obviously can't sleep in Five's room or stay there too long in the beginning before the grief of his disappearance threatens to make her cave in on herself. She finds his hidden stash of coffee beans and coffee cup cuz of course she got him that cup, she knew how much he loved coffee but that Reginald didn't allow it, so she knows where he keeps it and it makes her cry thinking about it cuz she misses him so much. She holds it and it's like she can feel the ghost of his fingertips still. And when she falls asleep finally after running on her own caffeine highs to avoid sleeping (before Diego and Grace catch her out), when she crashes she manages to sleep long enough to dream of Five who whispers to her that everything will be OK even though when she wakes up he's still not there and there's an emptiness in her soul and next to her.

Similarly, with Five: He also can't leave Reader's makeshift grave for the first few weeks. He can't bring himself to leave but he can't bring himself to stay long either cuz he's in despair over her loss. Her diary and locket is the "coffee cup" for him and like her, if he manages to sleep, she always haunts his dreams and tells him he'll be okay and that they'll see each other again which is hope he can't bear to give himself but simultaneously needs to keep going.

So I drown it out like I always do Dancing through our house With the ghost of you And I chase it down With a shot of truth Dancing through our house With the ghost of you

They both drown out their reality and misery. They try to forget. Reader dances around the manor pretending to be happy but she's still haunted by the memories of Five because it's literally his home and he snuck her around all these halls so they're tainted with him mumbled the stories for her in their one-sided conversations when she was invisible and trying to avoid getting caught.

For Five, Reader's ghost is literally with him at all times through his hallucinations so he tries to use that to forget that Reader isn't actually with him. His reality of the apocalypse is the bitter truth despite him making Reader up in his mind to keep him company to drown out the loneliness.

They both pretend to be happy with each others ghosts but those ghosts simultaneously remind each other about their bitter truth that they're actually far apart. They're simultaneously trying to drown out and chase the truth of each other with the remnants they have of each other.

Cleaning up today Found that old Zepplin shirt You wore when you ran away And no one could feel your hurt We're too young, too dumb To know things like love But I know better now (Better now)

So I imagine Reader finding Five's notebooks where he was calculating for time-travel and just sitting down with her head in her hands and shaking because Five just had to go and prove himself to Reginald who just had to be an asshole and refuse to be understanding. If only he had treated the Hargreeves all better maybe Five wouldn't have been so hurt and angry and the desire to prove his superiority to Reginald for some measure of control wouldn't have existed and forced him to be rash while lashing out.

Five probably finds something in the rubble belonging to Reader or maybe just her diary entry detailing how hurt she was when he left her behind but also talking about understanding his pain and it makes him ache because she understood him and his hurt and his ambition unlike everyone else and he took it for granted.

And they're obviously so young and just children but they're in love. They're too dumb to understand what it means or how to deal with it cuz it's so much emotion in such a small time but they know how it feels now that they've lost one another. They regret not saying anything and they know themselves better now and wish they had realized the depth of their feelings earlier.

Too young, too dumb. To know things like love. Too young, too dumb

The repeated lines just make my heart ache even more. It's just emphasis on their longing for each other and sort of speaks to that heightened desire over the years to see each other again the more they are apart and their hearts grow fonder. Theoretically, they were kids who shouldn't have had such a deep attachment to each other but they did. Five made a dumb mistake that landed them in a mess but it wasn't entirely his fault either and it led to their separation.

So I drown it out like I always do Dancing through our house With the ghost of you And I chase it down With a shot of truth That my feet don't dance Like they did with you

This last line hurts like a bitch. They'll continue to move on and pretend everything is fine cuz they need to keep going but they're missing their most important piece which means they can't dance exactly the way they did when they were together. They falter without each other cuz there's an empty space next to them both occupied by each other's ghost just waiting to be filled by the real person they miss. They'll drown out the truth of their emptiness as much as they can but they can never drown out the fact that the person who made them want to dance was each other.

Anywho here's my analysis. I can't wait to see what you add and I hope you liked it! :D

As always I love your analysis! I wrote a lot so I’ve put read more link below:

Here I am waking up Still can't sleep on your side There's your coffee cup The lipstick stain fades with time If I can dream long enough You'd tell me I'd be just fine I'll be just fine

When I hear these lines it gives me the feeling of time standing still, nothing is changing and it’s only little things that even dictate the passage of time. I think this is really fitting for both the reader and Five. The academy is frozen in time for the reader. The rooms of the building are the exact same and untouched from when she left to when she arrived in the future. Nothing has changed, especially so with Five’s room. It’s little things like the amount of dust collected that even show that time has passed. As for Five every day is the same in the apocalypse. It’s only the rising and setting of the sun and the changes in weather that really dictate time. 

In terms of the coffee cup, I imagine after a while the reader starting to use it as it makes her feel closer to Five. She’d keep it in her room and take perfect care of it using it for whatever drink she had. The color of her lipstick staining the glass. Somehow when exploring the academy ruins, Five finds the cup perfectly intact with the lipstick stain of the reader’s on it. Five takes care of the mug but as the days, months, and years go on, the lipstick stain fades away and it breaks his heart because it’s just another part of her that he realizes is gone.

The repeated line of “I’ll be just fine” can also refer to what the reader tells other people who are trying to care for her like Grace and Diego during such a difficult time. She continues to push the issue away when they try to help by offering up the excuse of I’ll be just fine even though she won’t be fine and she is not fine.

So I drown it out like I always do Dancing through our house With the ghost of you And I chase it down With a shot of truth Dancing through our house With the ghost of you

With this, it’s both Five and the reader trying to ignore the reality of the situation they’re in.  The reader tries to involve themselves in a brand new life. They make a group of friends, they spend time with Diego, they do piano, they do boxing, they work on their powers. The reader is drowning out the pain with other things but when it comes down to it she can’t escape the ghost of the memories living in the academy house. 

As for Five, he turns to drinking to drown out the problem. When the pain of knowing that the reader isn’t there is too much he will chase down the problem with a shot of truth. Truth, in this case, being alcohol.

Cleaning up today Found that old Zepplin shirt You wore when you ran away And no one could feel your hurt We're too young, too dumb To know things like love But I know better now (Better now)

Even more so than finding his notebooks, I can see the reader helping Grace clean up some of the old rooms (excluding Five’s) and underneath Klaus’ bed she finds and old academy uniform, and although it’s not one that directly belongs to Five it’s still the exact outfit he wore on the day he ran away because he was angry and hurt by Reginald’s dismissal of him.

So I drown it out like I always do Dancing through our house With the ghost of you And I chase it down With a shot of truth That my feet don't dance Like they did with you

When I think of these last lines I imagine that on really lonely nights Five and the reader both get up and dance alone. They have their arms placed as if they were dancing with someone else as if they were dancing with each other, but there’s no one there but the empty air. Dancing alone, even in the loneliest of moments, is never the same as dancing with the other person. 

Also like imagine this as a scene in the show with this song in the background: On a starry night in the apocalypse, Five is having a drink next to the reader’s makeshift grave at the ruins of the academy. Wanting some form of familiarity he gets up and starts to dance with the imaginary version of the reader that he has, even though he knows she isn’t real. At the same time, the Reader is in her room on a similar starry night and decides to pretend to dance with Five even though she knows he is not there. As they spin around dancing, the scene goes back and forth between Five in the apocalypse and the reader in her room making it look like they’re dancing together even though they are in two different places alone. As the song nears the final lines Five spins the reader out and there is a split-screen where Five is in the apocalypse with one arm extended and the reader is in her room with one arm out. It looks like they’re holding each other's hand but then the shots pan out and there’s nothing there. And the two of them sadly once again realize that they’re dancing through the shared house with a ghost of the other.

Just wanna add, I listened to the live version of the song, and god does it hurt to imagine Addison taking the reader to a concert and her hearing that song for the first time live. Like while everyone else is waving their cellphone flashlights side to side and having fun singing alone she just gets a distant look in her eyes as she remembers Five. Thinking of that is just like ugh, a stab in the heart really. I’d recommend it if you wanna be sad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwsXebE_f64 (watch 0:00-3:53)

[quickdeaths]

Mizuki definitely gave the impression of someone who latched onto some idea and would run with it to the end. That kind of hustle was admirable, and if more people tried their best to do the things they wanted, and see things through, Yi-Chun figured a lot more things would get done. "Well, I bet everyone appreciates your attitude and your support, with whatever you end up doing." She smiled and pointed to Mizuki with a wink. "Other agencies have their own strengths, but you're like our secret weapon. They'll never see you coming."

After all, it wasn't like just anyone had a smart kid like Mizuki running the show (kinda...), but there was another aspect of it, too. Even if she hadn't been around when whatever had happened happened, Yi-Chun had her own thoughts. It seemed like this was something Mizuki's dad had built and now that he was gone, it was something to remember him by, his ambitions, his passions. When she thought about it that way, Yi-Chun couldn't imagine anything other than giving her all. Even if Mizuki was only a kid, and wasn't really in charge yet, she would be one day, and it was everyone's job to make sure there'd be a Lemniscate for her to take over, if she wanted it.

As Mizuki spoke, Yi-Chun nodded. "Well, it's kinda necessary for me," she said in a breezy way that implied not thinking too hard about it. "I'm a foreigner after all. If I didn't try to understand people or get along, it'd be pretty hard to handle things. I don't have any friends here unless I try to make them." Although, she'd had this kind of attitude for a long while, so maybe it wasn't totally just a matter of circumstance. Well, whatever.

"Tell you what," she started, nodding along to her own words. "I'll finish up my sketches and check in with some people." She waved her hand dismissively, all the adult stuff that she didn't need to go into. "And when I'm good to go, we can go shoot some hoops. Then, if you want, we can get something to eat after. Somewhere you like, or if you don't mind either way, I found a really good Taiwanese place that I've been eating at a lot." Yi-Chun liked Japanese food, but there was something homey about a place that catered to her own country.

She frowned, thinking. "Oh, if it's okay with your guardian." That blonde guy with the shaggy hair, right. "Mr. Date, right? If it's okay with him, too." Normally, she was the laid-back kind of person who wouldn't think of those considerations, but even if Mizuki was smart, she was still a kid. Probably better to try and get some permission before taking her somewhere, especially if she'd need to drive. "Sound good?"

"Yeah! I think I will. It gets so boring here when it comes to the work stuff, so this could be a way for me to like... y'know. Do something. For all of you guys." Make herself a little more useful- not that she really needed to at this young of an age but that wouldn't stop her from trying. That was for sure. You won't find many 12 year olds around that have as much tenacity as Mizuki. For better or worse, anyway.

And sure, a collaborative sports event isn't going to be a gamechanger but it'd be better than nudging at those numbers or all that other stuff behind the scenes. She's got enough headaches at home dealing with Date, if she can make her inherited business something fun then it'll help alleviate some of the pain that came with it. There are, after all, still lots of pictures of her dad still around the offices.

"Yeah, but what I mean is like you seem to want to try to understand people first and get along with them. You did that for me too, it's cool. That's what I always thought was really cool about A-set. She doesn't let the haters really get to her either when she's streaming." The fact she mods sometimes (isn't that against TOS?) probably helps too. "...uhhh, I dunno if it's something I'm as much cut out for but I try. Honest."

Debatable given how quickly she can bicker with others. Fortunately that hasn't happened much with the people employed at Lemniscate. Around Sunfish Pocket however... damn, she could go for a bite of food but they're closed because the tattoo machine in the back nearly exploded. Damn health hazards.

"Well.... I dunno. Didn't really have plans for today besides catching up on video games since everyone else I know is busy. The couch here is nice. I'll stick around if you wanted to do something later though! Basketball? Sure. Sounds fun." Mizuki says with a smile. Thankfully Yi-chun hadn't suggested baseball. She's broken a couple bats. But bouncing a ball and shooting it isn't a problem! Even if she'd rather go to the arcade.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 49 - watching notes

*takes deep breath* ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT!!! 😭😭😭

Btw, this is how I spent my day. Baking a subtly shippy pie for my family, who thought I had mixed up the date easter falls on 😅

Therapy-baking to cope with the end of a show aside, I'm still not ready for this show to end 🥺

I still find it hilarious how little patience wwx has for jgy's villain act 😅

Like bitch, you wanna talk tragic villain backstory? You got nothing on me 🤨

Yeah, I thought the "my friend" part was a bit rich, too :/

I get that jgy, like all good villains (If he really is the villainof this story is debatable, but for tha sake of this argument I'llrun with it) doesn't think of himself as such, but he's got to realise the magnitude of his betrayal towards lan Xichen

Wait what?

What did jgy do at the burial mounds specifically that has lxc renounce their friendship ALREADY? 😳

Ah! or was that off-screen during the previous episodes when lxc got trigged into this situation?

What do they say about the anger of a gentle man?

Oooh, so the fact that jgy acted now was due to the letter! I feel a bit dumb that I hadn't realised that 😅

"Do you really not believe in me at all?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? HE DID!

He believed in you when no one else would!!!

I just noticed that that's another parallel to wangxian. Only ... 😬

That shot gives me goosebumps...

Those red robes are beautiful :'(

Poor Quin Su ...

Jgy saying to lxc that his naivety shocks him ... well that's the point, right? That's why he could fool lxc like this. I'm not sure if naivety is entirely the word I'd use, but I can't find a better one right now 🤔

But it's definitely the right word for the way he saw jgy. Maybe it's the fact that lxc naturally assumed that because HE didn't see jgy social standing, jgy wouldn't either. But jgy could never shake off his parentage because both his environment and his own ambitions never let him

So of course jgy thought he "had no choice". The choice was between doing the right thing and giving up his status he had fought so hard for or doing the wrong thing and keeping it. To him it wasn't a choice

And he's right, that's a position none of the cultivators present, not even wwx would have ever had to face

Still

FUCK JIN GUANGSHAN!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬

I can emphasize with almost everyone in this story at least somewhat

But that guy can go fuck himself

Fuck, did he just slap him? 😳

Lan Xichen is honestly way beyond his limit

Didn't we already establish that Jin Guangyao arranged for the confrontation that lead to Jin Zixuan's death?

Okay, no I just gathered that from context when we learned that Su She had played the second flute 😅

Oh Jin Ling 😥

Yes, life isn't fair. The world isn't fair. Frankly, there is no one in the cultivation world who isnt at least guilty of some crimes by virtue of doing nothing

BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO DECIDE TO BEST THEM AT THEIR OWN GANE BY BECOMING ARGUABLY EVEN WORSE THAN THEM!!!

Argh!

What an awesome shot!!! 😳😳😳

Sometimes this show's cinematography is just *chef's kiss*

"Women are trouble, especially those who have read a few books."

*takes a deep breath* *screams into pillow*

I'm good

I know patricite is frowned upon but ... that's the one thing i can't be angry at jgy for 🤷‍♀️

Not saying it's right, just that I'm not particularly angry about it 😅

Nooo! You won't dare to hurt the ONLY FUVKING PERSON WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO FAULT IN YOUR MISERY!

🤬

"He hid it inside his body"

He did what now? o__O

Ugh

Jiang Cheng offering himself up for Jin ling 😢

For a second there I thought the banging on the door was a gunshot and was REALLY confused 😅

Sometimes I forget Huaisang is even there and then they'll show his shocked and I'm like ohhhh you're still here 😅

Who?

Lan Sizhui! How is it that everyone in this town???

I swear to got if Lan Sizhui dies now I'm going feral 🤬

Mingjue! 😳

First of all I GOT ONE PREDICTION RIGHT! 🥳

But ... wasn't he in that coffin BEHIND them???

Hä?

Ah okay, it's wen Ning not Nie Mingjue

Explains why he was with Sizhui

I have a new kink. It's wwx controlling spirits by whistling 😳

Ohhh shit

Is this how jgy dies?

Holy shit that's a lot of blood

Awww, jiang Cheng called out for wwx with the same concern he called for Jin ling *sniff* :')

Ugh

Ugh

Another lost arm

Was it baxia or lwj? 😳

IT WAS LAN WANGJI! 😱

What? Why?

Why is it attacking Jin Ling???

Omg Wen Ning is still there 😭😭😭

Oh Wen Ning

So much stronger than anyone gives him credit for

I'm crying you guys 🥺

Oh my god

Guys ...

That little moment right here!!!!

Of Wei Wuxian using demonic cultivation and obviously Lan Xichen is worried, but Lan Wangji tells him, with just a glance that it's okay and then with an other glance to wwx that he trusts him. And there's a nod and a little smile from both of them. No words needed. And I don't even know if lan Wangji knows what wwx is planning exactly, but it doesn't matter because he trusts him without question and wwx knows it and accepts it and ... guys

It's such a little moment but it's EVERYTHING

A little nod and a smile

"I know you. I trust you"

This is it guys

This is endgame and I'm so so glad I started this show :')

I wish you guys could see how wide my smile is right now 💙🖤

JIANG CHENG KEPT CHENQING!!! 😭

How?

How am I even supposed to begin to describe what that expression makes me feel? 🥺

Now we have the perspective of the stygian tiger amulet? 😳

Ooh, dies he want to reunite the sword and Mingjue?

Shit

Why DID su she want to kill Huaisang??

Well that went differently than expected

Guess he's dead 😬

I don't quite understand where baxia came from btw

I know it was missing but I dont remember where we last saw it 🙈

Sure it's a great idea to bury the amulet? Wouldn't destroying it be safer? It's not like no one ever desecrates graves in this world 😬

Favourite wangxian specific trope: lwj will always be there to catch :') wwx apart from that one time but we don't talk about that

"I'm dying!" Gotta love Nie Huaisang 😂

Even now, Lan Xichen show jgy kindness

I'm in awe of that man

Ohhhh!

The paper butterfly!

Does Sizhui remember?

Um

What did Huaisang just do there?

Was that ... a lightbulb?

The fuck????

The fuck?????

Tbe fuck?????

Sjoiiiiiiittyvgybsnnhk

Chkckvh

Huaisang...

What?

He wasn't there

WHST????

WHAT?

Did Huaisang just ... purposefully get Xichen to stab jgy????

Or was that camera angle a misdirection?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

Also Lan Xichen JUST STAPED JGY ON ACCIDENT!

He probably just killed him on accident!!!

What t f happened to my ship!?!? 😭

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

No time for pleasantries!!! I'm off to the next episode 😳😬

[starliightxo]

JAPAN INTERVIEW - Perrie Calloway 

WHO ARE YOU?

what’s your star sign? ---

what’s your favourite holiday? Summer vacation!

what colour are your eyes? Blue

if i went on to your spotify right now, your most played song would be what? Just the way you are by Craig Reever! I've used it on a lot of my videos cause it's so fun and reminds you you're beautiful just the way you are

do you read much? Articles and magazines

where did you grow up? I was born in London and spent a lot of growing up there but my mum did go back to Paris so my time was split between London and Paris. Although I never learned French.

when it comes to siblings; are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child? Only child but I have step siblings

what were you like in high school? I was the polar opposite to who I am now. I was quiet, timid, shy. I had one or two friends but mainly kept myself to myself. I was a bit of a nerdy kid; school work and studies were top priority. I always had high ambition on wanting to be able to go for whatever job I fell in love with so I fought for good grades to ensure I could.

if you could be any magical creature, what would you be? A mermaid

where is your happy place? Wales

can you tell us about a hobby you have that has NOTHING to do with your career? I love the outdoors especially in the sunshine! Like my mum, I love hiking. It's a great way to explore.

CAREER STUFF

which academy do you attend? Willow House Academy

do you have a routine that gets you in the right frame of mind for work? Usually it's in the form of some kind of smoothie or iced coffee.

can you give us some insight into your next big project? I have some brand deals coming up around the same subject. It's very taboo but I want to normalize it and get rid of the stigma around it!

if you weren’t at a talent academy, what occupation would you be working towards? Something fashion-y like styling people. I always loved the idea of being a personal stylist.

are you a ‘work hard, play hard’ or a ‘work hard, sleep hard’ type? Ah i switch between the two to be honest, it depends on the day.

what’s your proudest moment in your career so far? I signed an on-going deal with Lounge wear/swimwear/underwear that'll last a long time! They love what I do and what to keep me full time which is incredible

do you remember where you were when you realised you were accepted into your academy? I think I was home alone and hadn't told my mum I'd applied so I cried a lot. She got home and thought someone had died.

did you get rejected from any academies? do you care anymore? I don't remember but I think I did. Willow was my first choice though.

what is your DREAM achievement? To help someone learn to love themselves.

finish the sentence: “when it comes to my career, my goal is to make sure that...” I'm happy

SPILL THE TEA

are you single or taken? Single

what’s your snapchat score? It's all about Instagram

read us your last received text... "I was wondering if you wanted to colab at some point? I think we have similar ideas and messages"

would you ever date a fan? Sure

how could somebody go about getting your attention? In the complete opposite way they usually do. Most of it is hate because they'll think they'll get a rise out of me. Or they compliment my looks. I'm brilliant, if you want to compliment me then compliment my brain

have you ever stalked an exes socials? No

have you ever stalked an exes new partners socials? No

which song best describes your last crush or relationship? I've never had either

have you ever used tinder? Yes

who on tour would you most like to see naked? There's a long list

who’s the most annoying person on tour? We all have annoying traits, even me.

which person on tour would you NOT let your hypothetical son or daughter date? This isn't Victorian times. They can decided who they want to date, I'm not about to arrange their marriage. They can make their own choices and or mistakes and I'll be there no matter what.

what’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done? Given a man my power.

have you ever peed in the shower? No actually

who is one person on tour that you trust more than anything? Family.

BRING ON THE FUN

what kind of drunk are you? Flirtatious

if you could spend a day inside one movie, which would it be and why? Girls Trip

if you could have any piece of music play whenever you entered a room, what would it be? My most played Spotify song! Just the way you are by Craig Reever

everybody has ONE word tattooed on their head that most describes who they are, what does yours say? Passionate

if i came round your house for a dinner date, what would you cook me? Some kind of Pasta dish

do you have any guilty pleasures or weaknesses? We all do!

say a word that you HATE the sound of... ugly

what is one country you have no desire to visit that other people do? There aren't any but I will say I'm definitely more of a rural girl rather than cities

if you could rename yourself, what would your name now be? I actually prefer my middle name; Addison

if these were your famous last words, what would you say? Life is too short to not eat cake