#no chance im sleeping anytime soon lmao

[iridescentis]

every so often I watch a playthrough of the quarry, unable to stop myself from watching the whole thing, knowing that every single time I will bring back my fixation on it

doesn't sound like a bad thing though right?

OH BUT IT IS

sadly my fixation on the quarry always comes with constant anxiety 24/7 as long as it lasts so I have to distract myself with every piece of media I can find to get rid of it

it's so annoying because laura and dylan are two of my favourite characters of all time but I can never stay interested because it ruins my mental health 😭

but I just finished jacksepticeye's playthrough so HOPE THIS ONE GOES AWAY FAST LMAO

[darkbluekies]

Jerry asks #2

Previous one

Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3

Warnings: nsfw mentions, drugs, murder

Rahhh i love ur OC Jerry smmm, i wanna squish her like a stress ball and inhale her into my nose 😔😔Im conclusion, i can't wait to see more of Jerry and your writing in general!!! &lt;;33

youwannadowhatnow???? (thank you so much ily)

Bro i am SO in lesbians with jerry its not even funny

Very good >:)

how would Jerry react to reader killing someone out of self defense?(p.s. im lowkey in love with Jerry)

She will be proud over you. All that self defense she taught you actually worked. She's so pleased to know that you can take care of yourself when she's away. She'll comfort you, knowing that this most likely will take a toll on your brain.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay I promise, you did nothing wrong! You did so well. You could even have been harsher if you ask me, but you're so nice, aren't you? The nicest little baby? Come here."

As soon as Jerry puts a colouring book in front of me bam my attention is gone I am drawing I am gone I am happy

Perfect, just like she wants :>

"Giving you a coloring book to keep you occupied" Jerre what the actual f... do you think i'm a child ?! *is absolutely doing the coloring with an offended look*

Lmao coloring books really are fun, i love them so much

She'll come over every ten minutes to check up on you and see how far you've come.

"No need to glare at me when you're obviously having fun, you child." She peeks at the drawing. "That looks good, baby doll. If you finish the entire page before I'm done here I might let you sleep on my arm tonight."

Does Jerry get softer over time? She’s stand offish but we get those moments of softness, when she settles down with her darling and they both trust each other will she be soft or still only fleeting moments?

She doesn't get softer in theory, but you learn how to take her behavior and analyze it. Her cockiness is a part of her personality. it's not disappearing anytime soon. However, if you match her energy she will be much more comfortable. You might even be on the same level with her instead of being her property.

Example:

"I ought to give that son of a bitch a real pounding", Jerry mutters with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You should wipe the floor with his hair", you reply. "Use it like a real good mop."

She scoffs out a laugh. "I should, shouldn't I?"

"If you don't, I will."

You're about to leave, but she grabs your shoulder, forcing you back.

"Not a fucking chance, Y/N", she says. "He would grab your hair and swing you over his head like a damn propeller. I'm not letting him hurt you, you're too important to me. You can help me, but you're not doing anything by yourself, do you understand that?"

"In that case he'll hurt you too."

"I'll be fine." She taps your nods at the man. "If you take his glass, I'll put in the sleeping pills. Let's go, baby. I'm right behind you."

on my hands and knees begging for more information on jerry’s mommy kink

Well ... haha ... Jerry loves to be in control and know that she's the leader of the relationship. Having you call her that makes her feel important to you. Plus it feeds her gigantic ego.

She's the type to want you to call her that among others, just so people know. It makes her feel even cockier.

Of course she mocks you about it when you become shy about it, why wouldn't she do that? The more embarrassed you are, the happier she gets.

BLUE OMG I LOVE JERRY SO MUCH SHES LITERALLY RHE STANDART ‼️‼️

AGREED<33333

jerry stole my heart<3 -💤anon

She will steal more than that, she will steal your entire life

[superpeanutgarden]

Night Blogging

okay, *technically* I'm not using the term right. It's an old phrase from before we called it Shitposting- we blamed all the weird stuff on sleep deprivation and Australians lmao

But it's night, and I'm blogging, so here we are.

so if you've read my other long posts, you'll know I'm in multiple open polyamorous relationships... and that I'm having what one might call "a hoe phase" and an accompanying crisis about if I still have worth if I'm a slut.

Well now im having a whole different (but still slut-adjacent) crisis. Do I even know what romance is????

This didnt come out of nowhere. My girlfriend mentioned that I was dating around as though I was single several months ago. And today she- wisely- brought up that i am at risk of girl bossing too close to the sun. and I had already been thinking about how my sibling had said that our parents didnt really model romance for us, and that we were told that romantic love is just kissing your best friend. And to be clear: I TOTALLY am. I'm not lonely or touch starved or sad or maidenless (or lad-less) in any sense of the imagination.

So... why am I still pursuing people??

The tree i can understand. He's a fun fuck, and he travels the renfaire circuit so I wont see him all the time. No chance of a solid relationship, just a fun easy breezy fling.

The lookout? Similar thing. Super fun to make out with and fine as HELL, but he lives like three hours away and doesnt seem interested in going steady. I can work with that

Max is PolySaturared and we just make out when I'm over for house parties, which isnt as often as I'd like but I'm desperately trying not to have too much of a crush on him (or his wife... or his girlfriend... or his other partner) so it's fine (jesus, maybe I'm not Ace, maybe I am just autistic)

Theres my good ex and my middle school bestie, but they're hella busy and our schedules havent really lined up. Disappointing, but acceptable.

The thing these people have in common is that they are almost entirely unavailable for me to date!! Until literally a month ago I was under the impression that I was just chasing the dopamine of New relationship Energy with ethically renewable sources and I could get my cozy domestic stability from my lovely girlfriends and partner...

And then trumpet guy and I made out at one of Max's house parties.... and Then I went on two dates with The Goblin King after making out with him and the Tree at the same time on NYE. And like??? It's so weird to say that I dont think either of them are stupid hot???? (But only one of the three people I'm dating is Stupid Hot, so there is precedent but?) It feels kinda weird and disingenuous to want to spend more time with these people who I'm not crushing on

And yet im Quickly falling head over clown shoes for trumpet guy. He's cute and fun and he asked me out on a date to dress way fancy and get sushi and go see a musical and???? I had just been telling a classmate that I didnt feel like I had been properly romanced since high school and?????? While I'm an impatient slut, it feels nice to be pursued.

The goblin king is really fucking sweet, and he's got really nice hair, but I'll wait to try talking myself out of liking him until after our next date... (too late, cant unthink that. I'll bring it up in person. He's really cool and I do want to still be his friend, but we both live with parents who would NOT get it so that kinda makes it hard to have solo couple time... or any couple time. It's not like I have to make a choice anytime soon but the dude deserves to know that I'm not sure if there's anything for us beyond friendship and the occasional kiss. Heck, we've only made out the one time and not even just us.)

Anyway, what's tumblr for other than an online diary??

[hhunjins]

Seventeen questions tag

I was tagged by @jypestraykids and @yangjeonginz!! thanks lovess ���💕

1. Nickname: hills

2. Zodiac: libra sun, libra moon, capricorn rising (add me on co-star oops ✌)

3. Height: 5′2.75 but i round to 5′3/160 cm

4. Hogwarts house: ravenclaw

5. Last thing googled: prices for an ipad air lmao

6. Song stuck in my head: close by han (been having this song on repeat as inspiration for a thing im working on aslkdjfas, i love han jisung)

7. Number of followers: more than i expected tbh 

8. Hours of sleep: 5 - 6 on school days, 2 - 12 otherwise (i either stay up for skz and take naps during the day or i ktfo there is no in between)

9. Lucky number: 5 

10. Dream job: in the ideal world where money wasn’t an issue, i’d be an author but that is not my reality so elementary school teacher/anything working with kids! (working towards that now, im 😊 !!)

11. Currently wearing: oversized navy blue shirt and basketball shorts

12. Favorite song: i can’t say i really have one? it changes all the time but lights out by exo gets me every mfing time 😌 👌

13. Favorite instrument: i’ve always wanted to learn guitar

14. Aesthetic: sunsets, muted/neutral colors, oversized sweaters (i truthfully do not know how to answer this question LOL)

15. Favorite author: i don’t really read books anymore and i don’t think i’ve ever read anything because of the author lol 

16. Random: i just got a new badminton racket but i don’t think i’m going back up to uni anytime soon so there goes any chances of playing with it???? big sad

17. Tagging: not going to tag anyone since this has been going around for a while but if y’all wanna do it pls tag me!! i wanna know people 

[overthere-in-neverland]

Hey i was wondering if you could do one where the readers band is on tour with all time low and at night she sings herself to sleep and jack listens to her and starts developing a crush on her? You can change it up a bit so it doesn’t suck but thanks :)

AN Hey guys! Sorry it’s been three years since I’ve posted lmao. I think I’m slowly coming back to these. For one thing I’m at my job, and I work graveyard so I’m bored as hell. For another, I really miss creative writing. I’ll update you on my life if you want next time I visit this, but other than that, hello! I won’t be updating the halloween imagines for the time being, especially since I’m trying to come back to this. I know I had one  (1) request to update the side blog fanfics I had going on, but as for now, I’m going to try to do it one at a time. @ my motivation? Where r u (and im so sorry i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonighttttt) Anyways! Also I just realized that it was Creeper who were atl’s opening band on the european mainland tour for lyr and now im emo all over again. The text conversation is in the story already, I just felt the need to make it for you lol

Your POV

I knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. Our manager knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. My bandmates knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. We all were well aware, and now the fans were too. But holy shit, is it surreal. Starting from nothing, playing a max of ten people, then going to 1,000 cap rooms, oh my god is it fucking incredible. Not to mention All Time Low have been my heroes for as long as I can remember.

I’m in a pop punk band, and I play the bass. I’m not quite a singer, but I can do back up. I have three other bandmates. One sings, her name is Maria, one plays guitar, that’s Drew. And we have Allison on drums. Altogether we’re pretty badass.

I had heard in the industry that Jack was a bit of a flirt. Having Drew in our band, we didn’t think much of it. Granted, Maria was engaged, and Allison’s gay, so it’s not like either of them were available. But I knew of Jack’s wiles, so I knew to stay on my toes. We were touring in Europe around the mainland for Last young Renegade, All Time Low’s new album, and it was my band’s first time being in Europe, so we were stoked. We were up at like 8 am, exploring around the city. Though trying to fall asleep is critical, especially jet-lagged. I don’t know about most things, but what I do know is anytime I go anywhere, even if it’s in the same time zone, I’m always jet-lagged. Maybe I’m just always tired?

So we arrived in Copenhagen, Denmark, the first stop on our European tour, and we meet the guys at their bus, and I’m a little star struck. Alex Gaskarth and his iconic hair. I’m not saying I’m in the fandom, but Alex’s brown hair is nothing short of iconic. Especially when it’s longer. Huge throwback to Timebomb era, and hooo boy. That was an era to be alive. Alex was wiping down the table in his bus, muttering about these “good for nothing men, who can’t even pick up after themselves.” Jack is behind him opening the fridge, then opening the cupboards, then opening the fridge, then opening the pantry, I smiled a bit at that. Zack and Rian weren’t anywhere to be found, at least from what I could see, staring down the bus’s hallway. We were to be dragging behind them in our small little van pulling a trailer. Drew coughed, and Alex looked up. “Guys!” he smiled, throwing away his wipe. “You’re here!”

Jack looked over from his rampant searching of food and smiled at us as well. I felt my face grow hot, but tried to brush it off like I was alright. I kicked my other food and looked down at the ground to try and forget I existed for a bit. I noticed Maria smiling at me, probably knowing exactly what was going on. She knew that Jack has always been a celebrity crush of mine since 2008. “What’s up,” he said to us, nodding in our direction.

“We’re in GutterPunk,” Drew responded, usually taking initiative. “Nice to meet you guys. We’ll be on tour with you throughout the mainland.”

“Sweet!” Alex smiled, and came over to us, probably intending to shake our hands. “What’ll you be riding around?”

“We kind of don’t really know yet? We have to go pick up the rental van and trailer soon. We just wanted to meet you guys.”

“Well I’m Alex,” he said gesturing to himself. “And that fiend over there is Jack.” Jack paused from his cupboard raid and waved, then went back to it. “Hope to enjoy your guys’ music and energy out there.”

“Stoked, dude.” Drew shook his hand, and turned to walk away, out of the bus. We were all standing in his way. So he had nowhere to go.

“I’ve been a fan since middle school!” Allison told him, also shaking his hand. “Y/N and I have always dreamed of touring with you guys. It’s been a dream, really. You’re a huge inspiration! At least half of it. Tre Cool has always been my biggest, but don’t sweat it. He’s a fucking god on drums.”

“Here here!” came a voice in the back.

“That’s Rian,” Alex chuckled. “He always makes himself known at any mention of Green Day.”

I thought I had seen Jack peak over at us when Allison mentioned my name, but then again, it was all happening so fast, I didn’t have any idea as to what was going on. I tucked my hair behind my ears and introduced myself to Alex. We talked a bit before we had to go to the rental agency and get our modes of transportation. It was to be about a month in the van with these guys, tightly packed. Thank god we weren’t a ska band.

After a couple days on tour in Europe, I was getting my bearings. I started to get a feel of how it would be like throughout the month. It was a show every night for a couple days, then we’d have one or two days off. Our van broke down the fifth day, and we were ready to call it quits, me being on the verge of tears, and Allison kicking the wheel of our shitty van rental. Alex graciously offered to let us stay in their bus, but we all refused, trying desperately to figure out another way to travel. He insisted.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Maria asked him as we gathered our stuff in their bus

“Oh, it’s fine!” Alex waved us off. “You’ll just stay with us. It’s not fair that we get this huge ass bus for four of us and you guys all have to share that tiny van. Make sure you get your money back though, because that’s bullshit. Jesus Christ, man. I told Fueled that we should’ve just shared a tour bus but they’re all about ‘separating bands’ or whatever. Why we ever signed to this record label I’ll never know.”

“It was your idea,” Zack chimed in. We all laughed. “Well it was! After going to Hopeless, twice, Alex wanted to branch out. Which we all agreed to anyway. It was funny though, because he complained about it every chance he got.”

“I’m well aware of that. But Fueled by Ramen seems to forget that we were once small too! Power to the little people!”

We all laughed again and gathered in their bus to prepare for the next night which was to be a day off. I was nervous, because this meant that Jack would be just down the hall, if you can even call it that, from me. It reached 1 am that night after the show, and we had all gathered in our beds to try and sleep so we could get out and do fun things around France.

I always used to sing myself to sleep to calm my nerves, and after about an hour of tossing and turning, it seemed like that was my only option if I wanted to sleep. I started off by humming softly, in case I would wake anyone up. After about ten minutes of that, and no sounds of stirs happened, I sang quietly. First was Lullabies, which is my go to song to sing when I need to sleep. Something about the line “Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams” makes me feel at peace. After I finished with that, I heard the quiet patter of feet. I stopped for a bit, to wait to see if it came again, and when it didn’t I started again. Snuff by Slipknot is another one that calms me down, and I sang that, but right at the bridge I heard the patter again. I drew back the curtain, and saw Jack standing there. He looked scared to see me notice him, and promptly turned back towards his bed, and didn’t look back at me.

I frowned but pulled the covers up. I guess he doesn’t actually want to get to know me. I closed my eyes to try for the.. Was it the fourth time? Third time? I lost count. But I tried once more to sleep. Then I heard the pang next to me of a text message.

I promise I wasn’t trying to listen to you sing.

It was from Jack. We had all exchanged numbers at the beginning of the tour. My thumbs danced over my screen as I thought of what to say.

Don’t worry about it

I just heard it and then i couldn’t stop

It’s fine, jack. Really

Your voice is really pretty tho Can we talk tomorrow? I have something I need to tell you

What could he possibly need to tell me? I was freaking out. And now I can’t sleep even more. Fuck. This was going to be a long night.

I mean I’m awake right now

I can’t really say it right now

Well, what the fuck does that mean? I sigh and then turn around and face the wall. The bus was moving, but I felt like my stomach was moving ten thousand times faster. Him talking to me like this is the first real conversation he’s had with me. Most of the time he avoids me. Whatever it is, I guess I can wait. I prepared for a long sleepless night after that.

When I woke up, everyone was bustling about, getting ready for the day off. “Jack! Y/N!” Rian called down to us. I guess neither of us had gotten up. “We’re going out to breakfast!”

I moaned in recognition, and heard nothing from Jack, so I assumed he had gone with them. I threw my covers off and went straight to the bathroom. When I got out, I saw a tall lanky man with bed head staring at me.

“Uh. Hello.” I said stupidly.

“Hey, uh. About last night.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to say anything. I get it. I’m a backup singer for a reason.”

“No that’s not it! Um.” He stopped talking to look down at his feet. “Look. I know this is weird. Especially since I hardly know you. But, I’ve actually been following your band for a while. And dude, you’re like insanely hot. And then I find out you’re a good person too? Last night, hearing your singing it made me realize.. Fuck, this is so stupid. It made me realize I’m in love with you.” With the last uttering of  those words, he looked up at me. “Sorry.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I raised my eyebrows, completely awestruck. Jack Barakat, the celebrity crush of my teen years was telling me he was in love with me? When it looked like he in fact, was not kidding, I immediately blushed and looked away. “Dude. I’ve been in love with you since I was like 14.”

A smile lit up his face as he started talking really fast, rambling. “Oh my god! Really? Holy shit okay, so like we can go get breakfast with the others, or we can go get breakfast by ourselves, we could walk down the Seine, we are in France after all. Holy fu-”

I started laughing, but grabbed his hand with mine, since he was waving it all around. “Slow down there, I can barely keep up. Let’s go get breakfast first, and talk this out. You’ve basically been avoiding me since I got here.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t really know how to strike up a conversation.”

I chuckled. “This is weird, huh?”

“So weird.” He nodded in agreement. I realized I was still holding his hand, but I didn’t let go. Instead we walked off the bus, headed towards the cafe for breakfast. My heart was in my throat but this felt right. After the initial break of the ice, he wouldn’t shut up, but I loved hearing his voice. He could talk for hours on end if he really wanted to.

[haikyuu-loves-thiccies]

I just found you blog and let me tell you thank you for being here as a bigger girl I love reading how the boys would act with a bigger s/o I want to read more when you have the chance please write more and if you ever leave tumblr I will be so sad cause not many of these blogs exist and someone big girls need love to anyways keep up the good work 💖💖💖

UMM,, I LOVE YOU ANON?? i dont plan on leaving anytime soon but I also write super slowly lmao!! I finally got my puppy to sleep so im gonna try to work on one of my asks but I've got a growing headache so I can't promise it'll be up anytime tonight ;0;

Also honestly thank you!!! I always get nervous posting my fics because I'm not used to public writing in fanfiction format (usually only headcanons), that, and i worry that I don't really delve/show the fact that the reader is bigger than normal. Im still fleshing out a happy medium of my works not being completely centered around being insecure with your body, but also not just writing without any body description at all??? Sjsjsjkjfkd

Like I used to try and find chubby x readers for years in my early teens and stuff and while I definitely did find some, they were always the same sort of like... "I'm y/n and im fat and insecure and I'm bullied for my body" which EVERY NOW AND AGAIN is fine but a majority of the time like,, can we get something not so melodramatic djdjf. Even if you're insecure with your body (which you should never be but that's a conversation topic for another long talk), fanfictions relating to someone with a thicker body don't have to revolve around the negatives. Neutrals and positives exist too, with our bodies.

I know I'm high-key rambling but this is something I've tried putting into words for years now and icdjjsjsjf I still can't find the right way to say it lmao

Maybe I'm just tired of reading bullied! Reader fics and I want some neutral or positive beginnings thrown into the mix, too.

[emeraldfic]

07:

Stormy:

Miami: Monday April 29, 2018 1:58 PM

Shit. I feel like complete shit and when I forced myself out of bed to shower, my reflection was showing me that I looked like shit too. My smeared make up and a neck full of hickies made me cringe. 

Even after showering and brushing my teeth twice, I still felt gross and I couldn’t get the taste of vodka out of my mouth. 

After freshening up the best I could I pulled on some sweats and went to get some water so I could down some Advil and catch this headache before it got the best of me. I was surprised to see Chris sitting at the breakfast bar. He was rubbing his temples like he was annoyed. After getting my glass of water I sat down next to him trying to quietly grab his attention without poking at his obvious aggravation.

“Hey.” He murmured forcing a smile

“Hi.” I smiled. “Are you okay?”

He slid his phone over to me and signaled with a nod towards the screen for me to see what was bothering him. I raised a brow seeing that his messages were pulled up, and sighed seeing they were from Mimi.

Mimi: REALLY CHRIS???? im w deja one night and ur out drinking w stormy the first chance u get?? not to mention u two were all over each other the whole time??? WTF! 

To Mimi: ok? thought we were taking a break? wtf does it matter??

Mimi: BREAK? lmao ok. this is how u want to play it?? i just gave us space for a night to cool off ... but if u want a break that fine. 

To Mimi: i do. 

I handed back his phone and let out a sigh. I could feel warm tears sitting in the corners of my eyes. I feel so guilty. I’ve caused so much unnecessary drama since being here. I stood up and was about to make a run for my room but he stopped me. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Chris... I can’t keep messing things up for you.”

“Messing things up? Stormy...” he chuckled “What are you messing up? I wanted this. Things were so rocky between her and I. We were due for some space.”

He pulled me in for a hug and I felt myself relaxing against him making me remember how tired I really was. I was hoping we could hide out on the couch and be lazy all day but when the buzzer went off I knew that wasn’t happening. He let whoever it was up and a few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Can I help you?”

“What’s up man, we’re from the furniture depot, we have a delivery for Chris.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s me.”

“Check over the info here and sign at the bottom for me, man and we’ll start bringing everything up.”

I could not hide my excitement. I clapped and jumped up and down thinking about how amazing my hunnies bedroom was going to be. It made the thought of her coming home soon all the more real!

About an hour later they had everything all hauled up and in her room. Chris headed off to the store to get us some drinks and snacks and I got ready for a long night. 

“Let’s do this baby.” He smiled 

Hearing the way ‘baby’ flowed off of his tongue so easily made me smile but U wasn’t going to make a big deal about it so I cracked open my monster and took in a big gulp acting like I hadn’t even heard it.

It was after nine when we had finally assembled everything. The bedroom set was so much more beautiful than I had remembered from the store. I was in love, and part of me wanted to cry. My emmy finally has everything she’s ever deserved thanks to Chris and I can’t wait for her to come home so he can finally have the chance to be the daddy she’s needed. I’m nervous for myself though... I’m getting a second shot at being her mom and I just hope I live up to her expectations. 

When everything was arranged perfectly I put her clothes away, made up her bed and vacuumed up the floor. It looked so great, but it was missing the little things.. and her.

“You did a great job in here.” Chris said popping his head in.

“Its all thanks to you.” I reminded. “She’s gonna love it!”

I grabbed the last of the trash from the room and turned off the light. Chris followed behind me and shut the door after us. I was so tired, but so happy that I had got it all done today. I plopped down on the couch and Chris followed suit letting out what seemed to be a satisfied sigh.

“Come here and gimme a kiss.” he asked lowly.

I happily crawled into his lap with a smile and did just as he’d asked, but of course it didn’t stop with just a kiss, before I knew it we were caught up in a full blown make out. I couldn’t help the moans that slipped through my lips as our tongues wrestled for dominance and his stiffness beneath me told me he didn’t mind.

He stood up with me in his lap mid kiss and started walking towards his room. I could feel the nervous butterflies start to flutter but I brushed it off.

“You staying in here tonight.” he said letting me fall back against the bed.

“Yeah, I could.” I nodded with a smile.

“Na, it wasn’t a question. I’m telling you that you’re staying in here tonight. I’m tired of you disappearing on me.”

“Disappearing? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Anytime you fall asleep in here you’re always gone when I wake up. Like you’re running scared or something.”

“I am not scared.” I sassed

“Well then quit running.”

He laid down next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We laid there comfortably for a few minutes and I could feel my eyes getting heavier by the second.

“Chris...” I yawned

“Hmm?” he hummed 

“I lied... I guess I am scared.”

“Of what baby?”

“Getting hurt.”

“I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”

I let those words linger around in my head and before I knew it, I was out.

Chris:

 Two Weeks Later:

Miami: Monday May 14, 2018 2:40 PM

Things have felt so off and negative lately it’s enough to make your skin crawl. Stormy just walks around in this funk and it’s so hard to handle so I’ve been working my ass off at practice; going in on my days off, going in early and staying late- the whole nine... all of it just to avoid being home.

Last week in court we were denied to bring Emmy home and it wrecked Stormy... I’ve been avoiding it all to try and hide the fact that I’m hurting too but it’s no use. It broke our hears. We have another hearing in about a month but it feels so hopeless. Apparently in the eyes of the judge, we aren’t ready to have Emmy home. He’s asked us to sign up for a few parenting classes and have more meetings with her and our worker Stephanie so we can have a better understanding of it all. 

“Good job boys” Coach called out. “Give me two laps and call it a day.”

After pushing myself so hard today I felt so tense and aggravated. I was so deep in my own thoughts nothing I felt like I’d never snap out of it. I pushed out the two laps and as I was headed to the ocker rooms coach called me over.

“What up, coach?” I huffed out of breath wiping the sweat from my forehead with my shirt

“I just wanted to check in on you, make sure everything’s alright. You’ve seemed a little off lately and I’m a little worried about you, especially with the hefty plate you have in front of you.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m alright, I’m good. I’m stressed, but I’ll be alright.” He raised a brow like he didn’t believe me. “Really coach. I’m fine. I think I just need to blow off some steam.”

“Alright. Well just take it easy. Are you ready for this weekend?”

“Yeah, I’m stoked. This event is always all over the news and I can’t believe I’m apart of it.”

“It’s so great, it’s a great time and you get paid for it. Win, win.” He chuckled with a shrug

“Yeah definitely. I’ll be ready coach. I promise.”

“Alright, get out of here.” He patter my shoulder and I was off to the showers. I couldn’t seem to get the water hot enough to satisfy my aggravated body enough to relax making me more irritated than I already was so I cut it short and packed up my bag and headed out. I was hungry, and knew I needed to eat something but with the way my stomach was feeling I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to hold it down so I just headed home hoping that I could crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the night away. 

When I walked in, I tossed my gym bag down by the door and shuffled off for my bed. To my surprise, Stormy was snuggled up sound asleep. I wont lie it brought a small smile to my lips. I kicked off my shoes and snuggled up next to her.. The second I was in bed , she crawled on top of me and ran her hands up and down my chest as she started kissing on my neck. I closed my eyes enjoying her touch feeling myself finally starting to relax. 

“Damn, baby.” I groaned lowly as she started sucking lightly 

I rolled us over so I was on top and pinned her arms to the bed. I smiled down at her but my smile quickly faded when I saw that her eyes were puffy like she’d been crying. I raised a brow, asking what was wrong without really having to ask.

“I don’t feel well.”

“What’s the matter?” I asked falling down to the bed next to her

“I don’t know.” she sighed “I guess with all of this going on I’m stressed to the point where it’s making me sick to my stomach.”

“Don’t let it get to you, Storm. Emmy will be home with us before you know it. There’s nothing to make yourself sick over. We got this. And, Besides, I need you feeling better for this weekend.”

“What’s happening this weekend?”

“The big charity event. Buckets for bucks. Every year it’s a big thing and it’s basically just a bunch of people who sign up to play basketball all weekend for a a different charity every year. Some people are sponsored for each basket they make, and some just donate. Every year the NBA training camp is involved.” 

“Oh. So you want me to participate?” she asked with an unsure chuckle

“No..Well, if you want to. I was just figured you’d be with me for support.”

“Well, of course. I’m more than happy to be there with you.”

“Good.” I yawned snuggling more into the bed and closed my eyes

“Chris...”

“Hmm” I murmured 

“Can we go get some food? I’m hungry.”

“I promise if you let me take this nap right quick I’ll take you to go get some food in a little bit.”

“Fine.” she whined and kissed my forehead before disappearing into the living room

I was sleeping so good but my phone kept vibrating beneath me and I was starting to get aggravated so I sat up and finally answered after the third call

“Yeah? I huffed”

“Hi, Chris. This is Stephanie. I’m sorry to be a pest but I needed to get a hold of you before I left the office today and Stormy wasn’t answering her phone either. I’m leaving in the morning for a family emergency and I’ll be out of town for a little while so we’ll need to postpone your visit with Emerald.”

“Oh, alright.”

“I’m really sorry about all of this last minute. I’ll give you a call first thing when I’m back in the office.”

“Okay, I’ll let Stormy know. Thanks for the heads up,”

“Sure thing. We’ll talk soon. Bye now.”

I rubbed over my tired eyes and let out a loud yawn. As much as I wanted to just lay back down and sleep for the rest of the night I knew I had to get up.

“Hey sleepy head.” she called out with a smile as I walked into the living room.”

“Where’s you phone at?” I asked sitting down next to her.

“In my room charging, why?” 

“Stephanie was calling.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, she’s just gonna be out of the office for a family emergency so we have to postpone our visit.”

“Oh, okay. As long as everything is okay with Em.”

We got comfortable on the couch and continued watching her show on Netflix. I wasn’t really into it, but I enjoyed being close with her. It was peaceful and had me feeling a lot more relaxed than I’d been all day... until my phone started buzzing with text after text

Mimi: hi... can we talk?

Mimi: i need to grab some things from the house...

Mimi: well... r  u gonna be home this weekend? maybe we can talk over dinner?? lmk.

Mimi: i miss u chirs

Mimi: it’s so hard being a way from u... i hate it sm

I let out a hefty sigh and dropped my phone into my lap. I was not trying to kill my mood with all of this but it certainly didn’t stop me from getting a headache.

“What’s wrong baby?” Stormy cooed 

“Nothin’“ I muttered with a shrug

“Liar. Your tense.”

“I just have a headache is all.���

“Let me make you feel better baby.” she purred crawling into my lap.

She tangled one hand in my growing curls and kissed me slowly teasing me with her tongue. She pulled away from the kiss slowly with my bottom lip tucked between her teeth. She gave it a little tug and let it plop back into place. She peered down at me with a cheeky grin before tucking her face into my neck making me groan lowly as she hit all the right spots. I could feel my tension melting away little by little.

“Let’s take this to my room baby.”

She ignored me and continued to take charge. I hissed lowly as she reached into my pants and exposed me. My head hung back as she continuously stroked at a steady pace. I was so close to finishing when there was a pound at the door.

“Fuck it. Don’t stop.” I pleaded 

“Chris! Open up!” Mimi shouted from the other side of the door.

Stormy sucked her teeth and got up from my lap. I rolled my eyes watching her storm off the room with an attitude.

“Chris! Hello? I know you’re in there.” Mimi barked with another pound to the door.

I pulled my pants up and stomped over to the door. I snatched it open as hard as I could and gave her a glare.

“What?” I snapped furrowing my brows at her

“I told you I needed to come by and get some things.” she said as her eyes looked me over she stopped at my neck and sighed “I’m sorry I didn’t know  you had company over.”

“I don’t” I snapped “Just hurry and get whatever you need.”

“I can’t stay?” shed asked chewing on her bottom lip

“Look, Mimi. I’m not trying to be a fucking prick right now but I was really in the middle of something and here you come pounding at the door like the fucking police, and that’s pretty fucking irritating. And, I’m definitely not in the mood for this conversation with you right now.”

She walked in after me and went straight for what used to be our room and I went in the other direction to Stormy’s room.

“She’s just getting a few things ans she’s leaving.”

About an hour later after we’d finished out last round in the shower we were comfy in sweats and ready to go finish watching TV  but to both of our surprise, there Mimi sat on the couch with a death glare pointed our way.

“Really Chris?” she snapped folding her arms over her chest. “Her? Really? This whole time it’s been her? I couldn’t believe you’d cheat on me, but with her of all people?”

“Why are you still here?” I spat “What did you stand by the door and listen to us? I wanted space Mimi, get the fuck over it.”

“Screw you Chris. I can’t believe you did this to me.” She sobbed

I heard Stormy slam her door behind me and I knew she was irritated with me but, I’ll have to sort that out later... Seeing Mimi crying was bothering me and I knew I had to sweet talk her up to get her out of here.

“Mimi, we’re separated... I’m sorry you walked in on all that, and I’m not sure why you waited around, but I’m sorry for whatever you heard too.”

“I just have nowhere to go, Chris. Thus was my home, remember? And we’re apart so I have nothing now” she cried “What am I supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know, Mimi.... Can you ask Dej to stay there for a while longer? I have a big charity event this weekend and I’ll be out of town so maybe we can talk when I get home? I wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt you tonight, but you can’t get upset with me for fucking around. I am single right now and I do have needs.”

“But why her?” she whined with a frown

“I can’t help that I got attracted to her, Mimi. We spent a lot of time together... something you and I didn’t do. Just give me a few days, okay. I need a clear head for this weekend.”

“Okay.” She sighed

She picked up the two bags she had packed and walked out the door without saying another word. When the door closed behind her I finally let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Is she gone?” Stormy asked poking around  the corner

“Yeah. I’m sorry baby. She’s just hurting.”

“I know, I understand.”

“That’s why you’re so amazing.”

“I’m hungry, and you did promise to take this amazing girl out for food after your nap.”

“Yeah, I did, huh?”

“Yes, so let’s go before I starve to death.” 

As she walked away from m I couldn’t help but to stare at her ass and hips. She was getting thick and I loved it.

“Al this fucking we been doing has you looking hella thick baby.” I muttered biting on my bottom lip “God damn...”

“Quit starring at me and get your ass ready.” she giggled.

Thirty minutes later we had agreed on a bomb ass bar and grill joint waiting on our order. I enjoyed the dight of her sitting across from me happily sipping on her soda.

“Look baby, they’re hiring!”

“Yeah, I see that.”

“Well maybe I should apply? It would be nice to make my own money for a change.”

“Hell no! I’ll be damned if you’re up here waiting on these pervs. What do you need to work for anyways?”

“Because, baby. I mean having my own money really is necessary. I can’t mooch off of you forever.” 

“But I want to take care of you.” I admitted reaching across the table for her hand “Especially when Em comes home, don’t you want to be a stay at home mom?”

“Not so much...” she sighed

I knew I wasn’t winning this one so I didn’t budge when she rushed off to find the manager. She came back about five minutes as just as our burgers were arriving at the table. She sat down with a huge grin and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“Guess who has an interview first thing tomorrow morning!”

I wasn’t thrilled but I couldn’t help the growing smile on my face. I knew she was going to do great. After we finished our food we moved over to the bar and ordered up a few shots

“Come on light weight.” I teased “You literally only finished one. I got like six down over here.”

“It’s not sitting well, I feel sick to my stomach.”

I chugged down a tall glass of water to weaken up the shots and we headed out. As soon as we were home, Stormy was running for the bathroom. I could hear her dinner coming back up on her and it made me feel bad for suggesting we take those shots.

Once she was finally well enough to get up, I helped her up to bed and she was fast asleep.I said a quick prayer hoping she was well for this weekend and was off to sleep myself.

[22introuble]

Okay well that was a fail lol, stupid wifi. This week was basically me acting on impulse. The universe has been on my side lately. I finally got my navel pierced and it looks v cute! I got paid from my new job which then led me to spontaneously come to SF for the weekend lol. Yesterday I was in SJ and I had fun too. I enjoy my own company so much. I love walking around and not waiting on anybody, going into random stores and taking my time or walking out 5 seconds after. Coming here has made me realize im a mf city girl! LMAO no but really the city is where I belong. I remember being in NYC and just feeling this sense of belonging and now in SF another city.. I just feel like I belong. The city has this way of making me feel powerful and emotionally creative. Today I did all the touristy stuff. I got breakfast at the hotel (which I ended up getting for free) then I went shopping, on the trolly, on the ferry, saw the skyline, went to Chinatown, ate a this fancy ass restaurant, I did so much. Now im back in the hotel with the beautiful skyline as the view. They have cable and im watching 90 day fiancé lol. I’ve been so busy all day I haven’t even been on social media. Britt and Jesse are the ones who catch me up on what’s going on sksks and it’s always funny to hear their input. I might fall asleep anytime now bc I am so sleepy from walking all day. I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow but I’m excited to get lost. Also omg I’ve come to the realization that the reason why I love mirrors is because I love looking at myself. Literally I am so obsessed with myself that every moment I get a chance to see myself I’ll take. Anyways queen finish ur boba and sleep soon bc tomorrow awaits. Me entristece que no todos los días son así pero los días así me recuerdan de que tan afortunada soy de tener esta vida.

[candlestub]

all odd numbers

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?lol fuck if i know! nobody ever tells me anything

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CLEO! shes a nice kitty i met yesterdayand i thought she couldnt get out of the horse stall i was in but turns out she just loved me n wanted to stay with me :)

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?yeah i cry when i feel like im falling in love because like theres a good chance ill fall out of love later and thats the worst feeling

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?probably lmao

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?my bed, the bed at world market, megs bed & my sisters bed

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?hell no i wanna die

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?ROTTWEILERS ARE ADORABLE

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?art museum im a goddamn art hoe

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?seventh grade

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?fuck no

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?not today bc im a babby but if i KNEW i had the righr person then definitely as soon as i can

25: What’s on your mind?my woes

27: What is your favorite color?green

29: Who are you texting?ricky my main man

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?always, i just never listen to it

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i know for sure one person does, i miss her but we could never have anything because she’s so far away and im so caught up in other people. as for anybody else who has feelings for me who the fuck knows angmore lmao

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?thats happened and i dont care

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yeah

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?lmao

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?hm i dunno anytime my entire damily comes over

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?probably my adidas just bc theyre so comfy

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no my head is lumpy!!

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?my dad of course

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?long term/permanent goodbyes, yes

55: How is your hair?a mess

57: Do you think two people can last forever?i sure hope so

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN GRAPES WHAT THE HEEELLLL

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?kind of but its the emotional aspect of being somehwere else cuz im real comfy here rn just not happy

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?at rehearsal

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?kissed a cat

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?always

71: How many fingers do you have?10!

73: How old will you be in 5 months?sixteen

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?wow jeez uh. because im bad at communication, hes disloyal and has an insatiable sex drive, and we both are emotionally isolated

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?barely. only a few people ive kept in touch with

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?one im going to kms

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?only if he texts first

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends on the drugs, idc about weed but coke or heroin i dont think id be comfortable

87: Who was your last received call from?my mom

89: What is something you wish you had more of?money

91: Do you sleep with your window open?yes i like to but my parents dont let me

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?not NEEDS but SHOULD

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?no thats the beginning of a comedy duo

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?nope i believe jn love plain and simple

THANK U SM ANON I LOVE U SOOO MUCH!

[chxrimoya]

ok i guess i’ll finally get around to typing this whole journal post i meant to for the past damn week lmao.

so it’s tuesday night and i’ve ditched class last wed, this past mon and figure drawing today. i just ain’t up for it. for some reason my sleep quality is so poor, even with a full night’s sleep, i can’t stop myself from napping for 3-4 hours. it’s getting in the way of me doing stuff honestly? i get home and want to clean up my room, play some persona, or draw or SOMETHING but sleep is obviously a priority. it sucks but i gotta do it, lacking sleep just makes it so much easier for me to get into a depressive episode. maybe it’s the irregularity of my sleep? for a long time i didn’t sleep past 2am but i slept at like 4am couple of times in the last two weeks or so.  

this past week or two i’ve slowly progressed from one thing bothering me to another and now i can’t even place my discontent. general malaise, as i’ve been telling other people. hopefully writing this helps me find some fkn way to articulate myself? lmao. honestly i don’t know why, talking to other people helps me cope but hasn’t helped me confront the feelings. they’re still there, bothering me, and i would like them to go away? but they won’t anytime soon i’m sure. and i, as usual, am invalidating myself and how i feel so megakek

so i’ll talk to my journal like i’m talking to someone. 

so recently, i introduced my friend, let’s call her Nu, to my regular group of friends who i usually play games with. i invited her to a bbq at J’s house, and it’s all good and stuff, day passes. I tell her before anything, these lot of men aren’t good at all as dating options but i wouldn’t judge her otherwise, because you can’t rly help who you pick. the only two dudes that day available were J and H and both are kinda shitty, but H is way more shitty than J is; J just got his issues to work out. but fast forward, H messages me about wanting to pursue Nu, and was convinced on trying to be a better person, bc one night on discord we were talking about art and things in general, and i just flat out said i don’t think he’s a good person and he has a lot to work on? so after he says to me on FB, hey thanks i needed someone to say that to me and seemed genuine, so my kind ass heart is like ok sure i’ll help you. he asks me genuinely if it’s ok for him to ask me for help so i say yeah, ofc. he realizes hes being selfish pursing this girl because he’s never had a gf, and that J was also interested but he values himself over J. this was mean of me, but i said frankly to H that i agreed, J is in no place to have a relationship because his life is a fucking mess at home; no school, no work, car’s not passing smog and his dad and mom are still shitty as always (his dad can die for all i care). later tho J agreed with me bc i brought it up with him. anyway, couple days later me and H talk and this guy, he’s probably the shittiest offender i know, because he says autistic, retarded, faggot, gook, all in jest and i HATE him for it. i’m not gonna pick a fight because his dumb conservative ass can choke now, for all i care. i have depression and triggers that send me into episodes, so he keeps using “triggered” all casually and it bothers me. it’s disrespectful. so i ask him if he could avoid using it around me, and i see the typing bubbles for like 4 minutes and this guy is typing an essay about how i’m wrong. deletes it, sends “Lol alright” but goes onto his stupid shpiel anyway even though i wanted to drop it. accuses me of “artificially killing the word” even though i just THINK it’s disrespectful, talking to me in a know-it-all fashion because fucking men always do this. so i remember, this entire time, why i didn’t like him, so i decide this bitch is on his fucking own. but me, being the soft-hearted individual i am, didn’t get mad till couple days later and indignant about the whole ordeal. before my anger, Nu and H and me went to eat and shop a little so fucc everything seemed fine and dandy!! and even now i still help this disrespectful child because i care for Nu, even though I don’t know her well enough to be super comfortable with her. I’m naturally an open person, but the comfort i’m talking about comes with time and i just haven’t known her that long. but Nu, she’s had a bad history that ended only recently, and i honestly would kill for her bc she deserves to be happy. not being pushed around by men who vy for her attention? she deserves someone who cares and validates her, but can still set her straight bc she’s a stubborn girl. the men in her life haven’t been good to her, and she hardly had friends before i met her at work? so i want to be someone she can rely on and talk to but i don’t want her withdrawing into the comfort of a man that can’t even comfort and face his own issues without his toxic pride getting in the way. because that what H is to me. 

he calls me saturday before mothers day, 9amish and tells me he accidentally stood Nu up. he obviously feels guilty. but maybe he’s only guilty because he’ll lose his chance with this girl if he fucks up. i’m tired, i comfort him telling him it’s not his fault, because apparently he overslept his alarm and didn’t wake up until Nu called him. Nu also told me that she had been waiting for an hour for him, showed up 30 minutes early to look nice and surprise him, but when she called 30 minutes after the meetup time, she just wanted to go home. she had limited time that day so she wanted to do breakfast at 8. he wants to make it up to her with a gift, but she doesn’t want a gift, so i tell him to draw something for her bc it’s more sentimental. after the call i talk to Nu about it and she seems pretty upset actually, and after everything, she just tells me she feels “jaded” but she’ll get over it.

i don’t approve. i really don’t. i hate this guy but i can’t really be consumed to even be marginally mean to him because Nu is interested, but even she acknowledges maybe she’s been starved of proper affection that she’s just reveling in it. if this guy can’t be bothered to do me a favor, when im trying to be his wingman and get him on good footing with this girl, i’ll fucking light the bridge on fire. but it’s not my choice to make, Nu’s happiness is what matters more. but it exhausts me? i’ve been there, done that with toxic guys and it’s so exhausting. i have issues i still carry and struggle with to this day because i was manipulated and did manipulate other people, for the sake of a guy. and it’s really not worth it. as i talked to her, the friday before, we hung out and spent a whole day with each other... she has a lot of baggage. stuff she doesn’t wanna bring into a relationship. and we shared a lot of similarities with the people we’ve dealt with. i tell her, friends are here to help you carry that baggage. she doesn’t have to carry it on her own. relationships should be always mutually beneficial to both parties. why invest yourself in something you’ll never get shit out of? you end up empty and pining, and anything will satisfy you. it’s not a good cycle to enter. ive been there!! and fuck man, im still recovering. my value is in myself, not in others. and i love to help people because... simply i wish people would have helped me when i needed it. so i help others because they need it. but i wont help people at the expense of myself, at the expense of people i care about. 

but also, i just... dunno if i feel right, being some sort of arbiter for their relationship. i don’t feel like i should have this power to judge, i keep telling myself i don’t know either of them that well so i really shouldn’t be doing the things that i’m doing now? like who am i to get in the way of their happiness, judge that someone isn’t good, and say yes or no to them entering a relationship? for all i know, it could turn out well. i doubt it, because H has never had a gf and i feel his selfishness extends beyond ignoring J, and more of “finally i can get a gf and not be lonely anymore” bc i want someone to value Nu for who she is. 

maybe i’ll write more when i get to to it but this is way too long already lolol

[vuryxn]

1-150 bich

I hate you Diane lmao, we can suffer together though binch

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My girlfriend-chan, Kaylah~

2. Are you outgoing or shy? I could be both depending who Im with

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? People who I care about

4. Are you easy to get along with? I would like to believe so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yeah!

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I guess people that I can get along with

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I hope so

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My girlfriend~!

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? A little bit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Kaylah

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? My brother brought home food lol

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? That’s What I like - Bruno Mars, Pretty Thoughts - Alina Baraz & Galimatias (FJK Remix), By Your Side - Hoody, Good - Loco & Gray, and Rendezvous - Sik-K

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yeah!

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Not really

15. What good thing happened this summer? There’s a lot of things!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Ofc!

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yeah probably, the universe is so vast~

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No

19. Do you like bubble baths? I don’t remember ever having one, but I think I would

20. Do you like your neighbors? Never talked to them lmao

21. What are you bad habits? Lmaoooo procrastinating, overthinking, I tend to get annoyed pretty easily lately, sometimes I don’t eat

22. Where would you like to travel? Yeah, I want to go to a lot of places! Like Japan and Korea~! Especially with loved ones, that would be so perfect tbh

23. Do you have trust issues? I have pretty bad trust issues lmao, I literally don’t really consider anyone really my bestfriend

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? I dont really have a daily routine, but I like waking up to goodmornings from my girlfriend

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Lol

26. What do you do when you wake up? I usually check on new anime episodes or go on tumblr

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Probably my friend Gabby, we can be really weird together lol

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Lol nahh

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yeah, not anytime soon though

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I am a child of god

33. Spell your name with your chin. frhyanhj, lmao I actually tried

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I don’t play sports really, but playing badminton or biking is fun

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I don’t

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I like the cutesy type, innocent but can also have a dirty mind, funny, have things in common, and someone who is always down

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I shop a lot at H&M, Cotton On and Top Shop

40. What do you want to do after high school? Well Im down of hs already, but Im just going to work and school rn

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I actually don’t believe in second chances

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Most likely Im sad or annoyed, or tired or all of the above lmao XD

43. Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes? I kinda have to for work

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Im not sure, they both seem really scary tbh

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Work/school, friends

46. What are you paranoid about? I’m paranoid about a lot of things, I guess I’m pretty insecure

47. Have you ever been high? A few times

48. Have you ever been drunk? A lot of times lmao

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I guess yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes, all the time

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Probably my motivation in life

53. Favorite makeup brand? I don’t

54. Favorite store? I like Top Shop or Cotton On

55. Favorite blog? My friend hikikohmori, ayeee shout outtt lmao, holla at her, she’s single hahaaha

56. Favorite color? Black

57. Favorite food? Sushi

58. Last thing you ate? Rice porridge 

59. First thing you ate this morning? I ate cup noodles lol

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Im a failure in life XD

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I had a in-school suspension for one day for punching another kid in elementary lol

62. Been arrested? For what? Lol

63. Ever been in love? Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was in a library lol, it was really awkward

65. Are you hungry right now? Not really

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No one talks to me on here lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter? I dont have a twitter so I guess facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? I haven’t watched tv in years lmao

70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t really consider anyone really my best friend, but closest would be Van

71. Craving something? What? My girlfriend-desuu~ lmao jk, but I’m not really craving anything rn, I was thinking of getting mexican food but I was like nahh

72. What color are your towels? I have a blue one and one that has brown and teal

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have two, one normal and a body pillow, I also have a plushie that’s big enough to be a pillow so I guess three?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? I guess? lmao

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I use to have a lot but it took up too much space in my room so I took them out

75. Favorite animal? I like foxes

76. What colour is your underwear? It’s either black or grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

78. Favorite ice cream flavor? Pistachio~  

79. What color shirt are you wearing? Black

80. What colour pants? Grey

81. Favorite tv show? I don’t watch tv

82. Favorite movie? I really liked FFVII

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? There‘s a second movie?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls? I don’t remember names

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? I guess Dory?

87. First person you talked to today? Kaylah

88. Last person you talked to today? Kaylah or Diane lol day hasn’t ended yet, but probably Kaylah

89. Name a person you hate? I don’t really hate anyone tbh, I’m pretty chill, I tend to tolerate if anything

90. Name a person you love? Kaylah~

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?  Myself XD

92. In a fight with someone? I was????

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Like 4 or 5 haha

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? A lot, maybe like 7+

95. Last movie you watched? I don’t remember

96. Favorite actress? Sulli baeeee

97. Favorite actor? Johnny Depp

98. Do you tan a lot? No

99. Have any pets? I use to have pet fishes, but not anymore

100. How are you feeling? Okay

101. Do you type fast? Kinda, I tend to have a lot of typos though

102. Do you regret anything from your past? I regret a lot of things

103. Can you spell well? I think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? I guess I do, but times past

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yeah

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Lmao lowkey

107. Have you ever been on a horse? No, idk if ponies count lol

108. What should you be doing? A lot

109. Is something irritating you right now? Not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yeah...

111. Do you have trust issues? I think this question is repeated

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I don’t cry in front of people lol so I don’t recall ever, or I don’t even cry tbh, maybe teary but that’s about it

113. What was your childhood nickname? Never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Nuuu unfortunately ;-;

115. Do you play the Wii? Lol I actually really wanted one when I was younger, because Wii sports was so fun

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Depends how it’s made

118. Do you like Chinese food? I love chinese food

119. Favorite book? I don’t read lmao XD

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not really

121. Are you mean? I don’t think so, I’m generally pretty nice 

122. Is cheating ever okay? Never

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Nah

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes

126. Are you currently bored? I have to be if Im answer all of these XD

127. What makes you happy? Spending time with my girlfriend~, and food

128. Would you change your name? I never really liked my last name

129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius

130. Do you like subway? Never been in one, but I think it’s really aesthetic

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Lol nah

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Kaylah

133. Favorite lyrics right now? Idk

134. Can you count to one million? No wtf

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Idk

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed

137. How tall are you? I’m like 5′7 or 5′8

138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? Idk, I like both

140. Summer or Winter? Winter~

141. Night or Day? Night

142. Favorite month? December

143. Are you a vegetarian? No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee

146. Was today a good day? It could have been better

147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers

148. What’s your favorite quote? The less you care, the happier you’ll be

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Maybe idk

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? I don’t have books

[smireyac]

yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great  that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE  people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers