#no but seriously this show is spooky yet hilarious and i love it for that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spookysweet-heart · 3 years ago

Text

Vacancy

Request: No

Fandom: Battle Egos

Pairings: Battle Egos x Self insert

Warnings: NSFW, blood, cursing, gore, death of character.

A/N: Time to kick off October to a spooky start! Here part one, and two. this is part three of the on going Scream AU with the Battle Boys! hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Collage was made by me! Edited by @semiproeagle!

Gale set the air mattress next to Riot’s bed, bringing in fresh blankets and pillows for the both of them. “Alright, remember the door stays open. If you need anything, our room is just down the hall, and the bathroom is right across from it.”

“Thanks, mom. We got it.” Riot closed one of the windows by his bed. “Hey, uh, do you mind if I close the curtains?”

Fluffing up one of the pillows, Kimberly looked over at him, shaking her head. “No, go ahead. I sleep better in the dark anyway. Light just makes me uncomfortable.”

“What are you? A vampire?” Riot giggled at his joke but quickly stopped when he saw his mom glare at him.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to get comfortable.” Gale smiles, walking out of the room, making sure to keep the door open as she walked down the hall.

“Your mom’s nice.” Kimberly sat down on Riot’s bed. Crossing her legs, she watched him make the bed he’d be using.

“Yeah well, you haven’t seen her get angry yet. Just you wait, my mom can be a real bitch when she wants to be.” Riot looked up at her, his eyes landing on her blood-stained shirt. “I feel like you could use a clean shirt to sleep in. I don’t think you wanna sleep in that, do you?”

Looking down at her clothes, Kimberly only shrugged. “Yeah, but I didn’t exactly plan on almost being murdered on my first night here.”

Riot walked over to his dresser and pulled out some of his clothes. He tossed them over to her, giving her a sympathetic smile. “You can use mine. I’ll um- I’m gonna go shower. You can change in here and leave your clothes with my mom. She can wash them for you.”

“You know, you don’t have to do this-”

Riot interrupts her before she can finish. “I want to. I don’t want you to feel like you should push yourself away from us when we can help.”

“Help?” Raising an eyebrow at him, she leaned in a bit. “Help with what exactly?”

“Y-you know, making friends...feeling comfortable with us when everyone’s probably going to be pointing fingers at you tomorrow.” Gathering his things, Riot quickly made his way to the door. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound bad. But it’s just...Lexi and I went through all that in middle school and the beginning of high school. I just don't want it to happen to someone else who’s in our position.”

“I can handle it myself, I always have. But thanks...I’m sorry. I’m just not used to people being...kind? I guess. Not many have been throughout my life.”

“I get it. Well, uh, yeah I’m gonna go shower. If you need anything, you know where my mom is.” Heading to the bathroom, Riot glanced into his mom’s room, seeing she was on the phone, probably talking to his dad. Getting into the bathroom, he locked the door before taking out his phone and sending a text to a group chat with Mare and Bones. ‘Is the camera working?’

Mare was the one to reply first. ‘Up and running.’

Bones replied right after. ‘Guys, why the fuck are you setting up a camera in Riot's room?’

‘Kimberly’s sleeping in there, duh.’

‘Mare is this just so you can see her undress?!?!’

‘Bones, don’t act so shocked, it’s Mare.’

‘And you’re helping him do it Riot, what the fuck!’

‘Hey, he gave me $40 to do this. Besides, it’s harmless. It’s not like he’s getting full nudity.’

‘PG-13 at best, Bones. Just enjoy it.’

‘No thanks, I might not trust her, but I’m not gonna be a perv towards her.’

Riot rolled his eyes and left the chat alone while he got ready to shower.

While carefully taking off her shirt, Kimberly looked at her bandaged-up arm, seeing red spots from underneath where the blood seeped through. Sighing, she looked down at the shirt Riot gave her, but before she could put it on, she looked around the room, feeling uncomfortable. “You’re in a stranger’s room, of course, you're feeling uncomfortable.” Feeling the strap of her bra start to slide down her shoulder, she picked it up quickly with her good arm, not wanting to risk him walking back into the room if he forgot something. After pulling on the shirt as fast as she could, she folded her clothes and took them with her down the hall.

Standing in the doorway, she was about to make her presence known until she saw Gale was on the phone.

Looking out her window, Gale sighed, feeling exhausted. “Are you sure? Well, what are we going to do? We can’t let her go back there. The girls went through enough already. Yeah no, I know that Dewey. We’ll talk more when you get home. I’m just glad you’re okay. Love you too.” Ending the call, Gale turned around and tossed her phone onto the bed, only to be startled when she realized Kimberly was standing in the doorway. “Jesus fucking Christ how long have you just been standing there?!”

“Um, just now?” Kimberly nervously looked at her clothes before looking up at Gale. “I’m sorry I startled you, but Riot said I could leave my clothes with you to wash.”

“Right, I’ll take them. You go get some rest.” Gale walked over to take the clothes from her hands and noticed her arm. “I’m going to have to wake you up a bit earlier to look at your arm. That okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Thanks again for letting me stay the night.” Handing her the clothes, Kimberly made her way back down the hall to Riot’s room. Sitting back down on the bed, she looked around the room at the movie posters he had on his walls. A lot of them were your standard horror movies like Halloween, Friday The 13th, Night Of The Living Dead, but one stood out from the bunch. A poster from the first Stab movie was hung by one of the windows.

“Why does he have this one?”

“Maybe because I like the movie?” Quickly turning to look in the direction of the door, Kimberly saw Riot walking towards the bed. “Might be fucked up for liking something that happened to my parents, but it was interesting to see.”

“You think that's interesting? I think that's disturbing.”

“So movies based on true events are only interesting to you when they aren’t directly based on something close to home?��

Kimberly leaned away when Riot leaned in, his hair still wet from the shower. Moving her hand away from him when she felt the drops of water land on the back of her hand, she wiped it off on her shirt. “Yeah, when your brother was the real villain, that tends to do that to you.”

“Oh, c’mon, you can’t tell me you weren’t just a bit curious about him.” Riot sat next to her on the bed, almost shoulder to shoulder despite all the space he had.

“Never, since my dad wouldn’t stop talking about him, comparing me to him nonstop, showing me those articles when I was a kid. That shit changes your perspective.”

“Yeah, but have you ever thought about doing what he and Stu did?”

Shoving a pillow into his face, she made him fall onto the air mattress. “Shut up and go to sleep. You have no fucking right to ask that kind of shit. What’s gotten into you?”

“Hey, I was just kidding. Seriously, that movie is only interesting to me 'cause the acting is so over the top, it’s hilarious. But I did get you going with that act, didn’t I?” Riot had a goofy smile on his face while tossing the pillow back.

Kimberly rolled her eyes at him, getting comfortable in bed as she faced him while laying down on her side. “You’re fucking weird, you know that?”

“I was just trying to be funny.” Riot sat up and stretched a bit. “Lights off?”

“Yeah. Night.” Taking off her glasses, she put them down on the bedside table.

Turning off the light, Riot glanced over in the direction of the hidden camera. Reaching for one of his books, he leaned it against the camera, blocking the view of his bed before getting comfortable.

Back at the Prescott house, Lexi and Sidney were laying in Sidney’s bed. Lexi rested her head against her mom’s chest, just barely being able to keep herself awake any longer.

“How do you know they won’t come back?”

Sidney gently pats down some of Lexi’s hair, holding her closer as she kissed the top of her head. “I’m not so sure, but it’s something I can handle if they do. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

Lexi hugged Sidney back, being careful of her arm. “This isn’t your fault, mom. No one could’ve predicted this would happen again."

“I know, but you shouldn’t have to go through this.”

“Well, I’m in it, and there’s nothing we can do about it but fight back, right? I’ll be fine, though. I have the strongest woman in Woodsboro by my side.” Lexi sleepily smiled up at Sidney.

“Alright, kiddo, get some rest. Are you sure you’re up to going to school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I know things will be fine there, at least.”

“Alright. Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight…” Sidney stretched her free arm out to turn off the bedside lamp before falling asleep, watching the blue and red lights shine into her bedroom from the window near her bed.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Riot worked on the last few problems from his math homework while Gale finished rebandaging Kimberly’s arm.

Dewey walked in, immediately going to fill a mug with coffee. Looking over at Gale and Kimberly, he finished filling up his mug and walked over to the table, setting his mug down. Nervously clearing his throat, he gains everyone's attention.

"Kimberly, there's some news that I have to inform you about."

"What is it?" Checking her arm to make sure the gauze was secure, she looked up at Dewey.

Dewey took a deep breath in before continuing. "It's about your godmother, Nancy. I'm sorry to tell you this after what happened last night, but she's dead. We found her body last night."

Kimberly's eyes grew wide in shock before she shook her head at Dewey. "No, I was just with her yesterday morning!"

"I know this is a lot to take in. Gale and I will be here with you, and you can stay with us-"

"Did that creep do this to her?! Did he kill her?!" Her eyes looked glossy as tears started to well up.

Dewey stuttered for a moment. "I- well- we suspect that might've been the same person because I got a call from them just before discovering the body…"

"I can't fucking believe this!" Slamming her hand against the table made Riot and Gale jump in their seats.

"Honey, it's going to be okay, we'll be here-"

Riot quickly closed his book and shoved it in his backpack. "I think we should leave. I still have to pick up Lexi and Phantom. Let's go, Kimberly." Taking her hand, he led her away from his parents and out of the house before they could say anything else to her.

Getting in the car’s passenger seat, Kimberly hit the dashboard in frustration.

“Hey! I get you’re going through it right now, but don't try to take it out on my car, I just got it.” Riot closed his door when he got into the car. Looking over at her, he started to feel bad seeing her start to cry.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” Taking a deep breath in and out, she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “It’s just...she was all I had left of a family.”

“I’m sorry.” Riot sighs as he starts the car. “Do you want some coffee? Or anything to eat? We can stop by and get something real quick. My treat.”

Shaking her head, she just silently put on her seat belt. “It’s fine, I’m okay. If you wanna get something for yourself, you should.”

“You know what, I’m still getting you something. I don’t care if you say you’re fine. You need a little distraction right now.” Backing out of the driveway, Riot headed to the nearest cafe to get the group some drinks and breakfast before heading to pick them up.

Lexi grabbed her backpack from the couch, checking that she had everything she needed for the day.

Sidney walked into the living room. Picking up the remote, she turned on the tv, leaving it on the morning news. “Have everything?”

“Yup.” Hearing her phone go off, she checked it and saw a text from Phantom, letting her know he was waiting outside. “Are you going to be okay here alone?”

“I’m not staying home today. I’m meeting Gale and Dewey in a bit. Are you fine having dinner at their place tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. You’re going to be there too, right?” Adjusting her bag, Lexi heard her phone go off again.

“Of course I’ll be there.” Sidney brought Lexi in for a tight hug before letting her go out the door. “Stay safe and call me or Dewey right away if you need us."

“I will. See you later!” Walking out of her house, Lexi saw Phantom standing by the end of the driveway.

Phantom smiled when she made her way to him. Taking a hold of her hand he leaned in, kissing her.

Lexi smiled into the kiss before pulling away and kissing his cheek. “How’d you sleep last night?”

“On and off, I was too worried about you. How about you?” Phantom rubbed small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

“I slept, but not much. I was way too anxious last night.”

“No kidding.” Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, Phantom leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be here for you though, no matter what happens.” Hearing his phone go off, Phantom took it out of his pocket to check the notification. “It’s Riot.”

“What’d he say? Is he close by?” Lexi rested her head against Phantom’s chest.

“He’s asking if we want anything from the cafe.”

Humming in response, Lexi wrapped an arm around Phantom's waist. “A muffin sounds good right now. Can you tell him he can get any kind?”

“Sure thing, babe.” Phantom smiled down at her before replying to Riot with their orders. Before he can put his phone away, he saw another text from him pop up. “Oh...shit.”

Lexi felt his body tense up a bit. “What’s wrong?”

Quickly replying to the message, Phantom put his phone away. “I feel like an even bigger asshole after last night. Riot’s dad told them they found Kimberly’s godmother dead last night, so she’s not doing so well right now.”

“Oh no, and she's going to school? She should’ve stayed home- fuck, she probably didn’t have a choice. What kind of fucked up shit is that. First her dad, and now her godmother.”

“She’s in our group now, and as much as most of us aren’t too excited about that, she’s also a victim till hopefully not proven otherwise. We can look after her, but we still need to be careful.”

“I think you and your brothers have seen too many scary movies. She’s harmless.”

“I hope you’re right…” Gently rubbing her back, Phantom rested his head on hers. “How’s your arm doing?”

“Sore, but better than last night. I can at least bend my wrist without it hurting much anymore.”

“Good. You sure you wanna go to school today?”

“You’re starting to sound like my mom.” Playfully rolling her eyes at him, she pulled away from his hold. “I’m alright. I wanna go. I don’t care what anyone is going to say if they have anything to say.”

Both turn in the direction of a car coming by when they hear it honking at them. “Looks like they’re here.”

Getting into the car, Riot immediately handed them their things after they got settled in. “Here you two go!”

Lexi smiled, taking the bag from him. “Thank you!”

“Thanks.” Phantom took the last coffee in the cup holder and carefully blew away some steam to take a sip. Glancing over at Kimberly, Phantom cleared his throat, putting the cup in one of the cup holders. “Um, Kimberly?”

Looking back at him, she tilted her head. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean what I said. It was uncalled for.”

Kimberly shook her head and looked back out her window. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not, I accused you of attempted murder when you were also attacked.”

“Look, you were scared. I get it. Just forget about it, I forgive you anyway. You were looking out for the person you care about the most. I’d do the same out of fear and protection.”

Lexi and Phantom shared a look before Lexi spoke up. “Um, we heard what happened and we want you to know we’re here if you need us. You know, for anything. We’re in this together.”

Kimberly just stayed silent for a moment. The only thing they heard was a barely audible ‘Thanks’.

Rose, Jem, Ebony were standing by Lexi’s locker. The three of them shared a worried look when they searched the hallway for the rest of their group. Bones made his way to them when he walked out of the restroom.

“Still not here yet?” He leaned against one of the lockers, looking in the direction of the front doors.

Jem shook their head, looking over at Bones. “Where’s Mare? Running late again?”

“Oh yeah, he had to go with Natpai to talk to his teacher. Had to clear up that he was sick and lost his voice, so he's asking them if Natpai could take the tests he missed while he was out.”

Jem nodded and turned their attention back to the front doors when they heard people whispering as they passed by the group.

Spotting their friends, the group made their way to Riot and Lexi, immediately engulfing them in a group hug.

Rose pulled away first, looking worried. “How are you guys holding up?”

Lexi shrugged while adjusting the strap of her bag. “I’m alright, just a few scratches here and there. Nothing serious.”

“I wasn’t the one who was attacked, so I’m fine.” Riot’s eyes followed Kimberly, watching her walk away from the group, heading to her locker.

The rest of the group heard the crowd whisper again when they passed by, their eyes all landing on Lexi and Riot.

Sharing a look, they both sighed, already feeling tired with the day. Whispers turned completely silent when a scream echoed through the hall. All eyes were on Kimberly who was sitting on the floor after falling back when something fell from her locker. There in front of her feet was a Ghostface mask and fake knife.

Looking around the hall, Kimberly’s eyes landed on the group, but before any of them could go up to help her, two sets of screams could be heard from the end of the hall. Looking in that direction, everyone saw two people running down the hall in full costume screaming as they passed by.

One of them almost got in Lexi’s face, but Phantom quickly grabbed her, holding her against his chest.

Riot took a step back when the other person almost bumped right into him.

“Jesus fucking Christ, what's wrong with these idiots?” Rose watched the two masked pranksters disappear out the double doors

Ebony looked over at Lexi who was shaking a little. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah just...shaken up is all.” Letting herself relax into Phantom, she took one of his hands. He gently squeezed her hand reassuringly and kissed the top of her head.

Bones looked over in Kimberly’s direction, noticing Mare helping her up and leading her away from her locker. “Where the fuck are they going?”

Riot and Rose both looked at Bones, catching him talking to himself. Rose was about to ask what he was talking about till she saw Mare turn the corner with his arm around Kimberly’s shoulders.

“When did they get all friendly?” Rose crossed her arms in front of her chest, not happy with what she saw.

“Mare just has a way with women. Not surprising since she hardly knows him.” Ebony leaned back against the wall, looking over at the mask and knife still on the floor.

“She was probably talking to him since she got here. She’s just a slut wanting attention since no one can give it to her now.”

“Hey!” Phantom raised his voice at them, his expression turning serious from the soft look he had just a few seconds ago. “How the fuck can you say something like that? Don’t assume shit or spread rumors around like that. Especially now when people are dying around us. Mare’s just comforting her, that's it.”

“So what, now you’re on her side?! She’s a Loomis, Phantom! She can’t be trusted!” Rose stepped forward, but she was interrupted by the bell ringing.

“We’ll talk during lunch, this isn’t something we should be arguing about.” Phantom took Lexi’s hand, starting to lead her away and walk her to class.

Riot and Ebony looked at Rose before they also started to leave for their classes as well. Riot adjusted his backpack and looked back at Rose as they carefully walked backward. “You know, jealousy is not a good look on you.” Turning around, they caught up with Ebony, leaving Rose standing in the almost empty hallway.

Tag List:

@smolwash

@huffle-princess

@missrose-writes-stuff

@wildspeciallavender

@justwritingscibbles

@stuff-from-the-void-matron

@nekosounds

@stretch-time

@lady-bee-fechin

@twotimesforthewatw

@r1-0t

@captainrose35

#natewantstobattle egos #battle egos #battle boys #youtuber egos #natemare #phantom #natpai #bones #scream AU #slasher #horror #self insert

20 notes · View notes

sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Donald Duck Week: House of Mouse: Dennis the Duck (Patreon Sponsored Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to the fourth and final day of Donald Duck Week. Two reviews today.. because I got behind and i’m working on not being so late all the time. So after taking in some duck days with the Quack Pack, where I dealt with shifty con artists, killer computers, and totally radical teens, we’re now coming back on in to the House of Mouse! As he does every month Kev, my patreon and fincial backer, has chosen to earmark one to use for a random House of Mouse episode and like I did for Goofy Week, I had him pick from a pool of select episodes, this time Donaldcentric ones I hadn’t covered yet. Thankfully we ended up getting a highly memorable one and one I remembered liking well enough as a kid, Dennis the Duck. But as i’ve seen with other episodes in this year long look at the show, sometimes something you loved as a kid can turn on you. So let’s see if this loving tribute to Disney’s black and white days still runs out or if it burns out the film reel under the cut!

Since the main gimmick for the episode is laid out in the wraparound, we’re going wraparound first this time:

Dennis The Duck:

It’s Black and White Day at the house of mouse! That means all sorts of old Rubberhose characters are coming by to visit and mickey even breifly takes on his Steamboat Willy apperance in the opening! This does lead to a ton of fun gags including Max valeting for the car full of them and getting intimidated by the gorilla driver only for him to have a high squeaky voice and be a casual guy, a weird two head thing eating a roasted chicken with one mouth and spitting out the bones with another and best of all a cameo from my boy Spooky Scary Skelton!

You know it’s a party when they invite the Spooky Scary Skeleton. I assume he summoned the rest at his table but it was either cut for time or saved for the halloween episodes. I don’t know I don’t know what goes on the life of a Spooky Scary Skeleton but seriously Disney if your looing for DIsney+ content i’m just saying.. put House of Mouse on there already. And then make a Spooky Scary Skeletons show. The name alone is money, come onnnn. And they do a relaly good job blending the black and white characters with the color. it’s a great gimmick.

But Donald isn’t impressed with all these old timey toons and is least impressed with Daisy’s faviorite Dennis the duck, a joly little fellow resembling a combination of Early Donald and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. And I do like tributing Oswald: he was Disney’s first star and while I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing his toons, he has a great personality and a great story thanks to Epic Mickey. He’s also been WEIRDLY underutilized given Disney traded a sportscaster for the guy. You’d think with all this Disney+ contnet and all the new mickey mouse shorts they’d find a place for him. Come on Disney have a heart.. and a sandwich.

Dennis as a character is a mixed bag. He has exactly one gag, hitting someone with a sandwich, with it either ending up in their mouth or face. It’s hit and miss, some landing some not. His jolly nature and genuine like of Donald do help him be a bit likeable.

What ultimately trips him up though is his partnership with Donald who has legit reasons for not liking Dennis: Dennis keeps smacking him with sandwiches and everyone, especially Donald’s own gilrfriend finds it hilarious nad dosen’t defend him. What’s worse Donald getting angry and calling Dennis not funny.. is treated like Donald being an ass. While he was a bit harsh about it sure, this is Donald we’re talking about. he has a short fuse and being a fan of his , Dennis should know that he could only take so much.

But the episode outright portrays it as only Donald’s problem and everyone else guilts him by revealing Dennis is his biggest, and apparently only fan. Which I call bullcrap on I was alive back then, so was Don Rosa that was at least 2. Semantics aside the point is Donald is made out to be a jerk.. when he at worst was mean to a guy he thought hated him. The series does have a really bad habit of having Donald fall into...

Territory, and this is a bad example.. esepcailly since Donald’s accidental scorn leads to DENNIS TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH A GIANT PENCIL

This leads to a sequence of Donald trying to draw him back to life and Dennis trying to literally rub himself out that is pretty morbidly hilarous, but just... holy shit they really did go there didn’t they? I had to put a content warning on this one... and I don’t MIND doing those, I like my readers to feel safe, but if you’d asked me if I had to put a content warning on any of this weeks reviews I thought at worst it'd be the carl barks story, and only because it was the 40′s and casual racism keeps popping up and hitting me in the face unexpectedly.

But Donald tries the Sandwich gag to cheer dennis up, and ends up doing it on Daisy which gets the two to bond and alls well tha tends well.. that being said Daisy getting hit as her commpuance is good as is Donald and his new pal hitting each other with sandwitches so it’s not all bad.

Overall this plot isn’t a bad idea, it just has poor execution, not helped by the fact we could’ve got a really good gag out of the fact DONALD was in black and white cartoons and simpily used the Orphan’s Benefit as the second cartoon to set that up, having Donald realize he’s not much diffrent from dennis as a better catalyst for the climax than what we got, which takes it way too far with the cartoony suicide attempt. So yeah while I remember this one from as a kid overall it’s just not a very good wraparound. Plus we didn’t get any of weird protype donald as a result of not using orphan’s banquet. I mean come on who dosen’t want this in their nightmares.

Speaking of retro mickey shorts though...

The Whopee Party:

Something I can really give this episode credit for is the shorts> The first is an actual black and white short I reviewed three weeks ago for Goofy’s Birthday, the Whopee Party. And not a bad choice either, having half the house of mouse cast in it and generally being a really fun watch.

It’s not a complex short, Mickey and friends throw a party, various shenangians insue, Mickey dances with a cow than makes it rain glitter on her.

It’s your standard good time 30′s Mickey Short. And while there are far more impressive older mickey shorts like the one where he has a robot fight a gorilla, it’s still a fun short that gives the cast all chances to shine, with Goofy getting his breakout roll here and Minnie on Piano being an absolute thrill. And again it has Mickey making it rain on a cow he had a jolly dance with. If you can’t get behind that I can’t help you.

Finally I noticed this cut was slightly longer than the cut I watched for Goof Week, which is a double edged sword: it does make the short drag a bit.. but some of the best gags, Clarabelle getting messed with by goofy and getting her revenge and said making it rain, were cut from the cut I watched, so ultimately I raelly prefer the longer version. It drags slightly here or there but the added stuff really makes it pop. Final final note, you’ll noticei choose two dogs dancing for it.. and I question why we’ve never seen those dogs again. Who dosen’t love two hound dogs in love? Bastards, bastards don’t.

Mickey and the Goat Man:

Now this one is INCREDIBLY interesting. Not only is it an all new short in the style of the 1930′s mickey shorts, but it was made JUST for this episode, something that only occasionally happened given the series primary focus was on recycling shorts they had lying around from Mouseworks. Not that those shorts they had lying around are BAD mind you and House of Mouse got them to a wider audience, so alls good, I’m just saying it’s not a usual thing for this show to do.

And this one is really good: it uses Mortimer who wasn’t around then, so he not only gets his own classic style apperance but is used well. He and Mickey are in a vaudville double act where Mortimer hits him with pies and Mickey sadly doubts himself and assumes Mortimer is always right when, in fact like our reality he’s a loveable asshole. They run into Minnie on the way to Alaska and Moritmer dumps mickey on the side of the road to try and keep Minnie for himself.

Eventually though Mickey’s reunited iwth the others.. by way of a creepy goat man who what kidnaps them for his sick collection. But before he does Mortimer tries to make a deal by putting on a show with Mickey. Minnie, whose taken a shine to Mickey because he’s a certified fuck machine, tells Mickey to do bad, mickey does so with some wonderful ruberhoose antics, and as a result Mortimer gets kept and the mouses get to go free to hollywood.

It’s a fun 30′s Mickey style plot, just as mildly bonkers and delightful as one of those and incredibly well done. Easily the highlight of the episode and one of the best shorts i’ve seen thus far.

Final Thoughts:

This episode was meh. The shorts were decent and good .. but the wraparoudn was just not good despite a great premise. It also didn’t help that despite being a DONALD episode.. he was in none of the shorts and it felt weird to focus on him yet have Mickey be the star of the shorts. While having a short not focusing on the episode’s main character is usually standard, we also usually get at least one. We didn’t even get an old timey version of Donald’s Dyanmite. So overall a dispaointment of an episode with a bright spot at the end.

Next Time on the House of Mouse: Timon and Pumba break up! Can this marriage be saved?!

Next Time on this Blog: We wrap up Donald Duck week with a camping adventure from good old Carl Barks!

If you enjoyed this review, consdiering becoming a backer RIGHT HERE. Even if you can only kick in a buck it not only helps but gets you access to exclusive reviews, my discord, and to pick a short when I do a shortstacular, my celebration of a character from the theartical short’s day’s birthday. You also help me reach stretch goals: 20 has been changed from monthly reviews of darkwing duck to reviewing, also at a monthly or more if I feel like it pace, THE OWL HOUSE. all the episodes but the two i've already covered all for everyone if you pony up 5 bucks along with 2 Ducktales mini as well as a brucey bonus Danny Phantom: The Ultimate Enemy review, while 25 will have me reviewing 3 MORE disney movies (The Recess, Proud Family and best Kim Possible Movies), and allow you the backers to pick a review. And the best part is like this review EVERYONE, wether you can afford to pay or not, gets the review. So if you end up liking this review and want more, hop on. And if your consdiering becoming a 5 dollar backer and thus helping meet my next goal automaitcally you not only get a review a month but if there's a reward down the line you'd rather swap one of the current ones for the 20 dollar tier with let me know. If it's within reason i'll gladly do it.

#house of mouse #donald duck #donald duck week #mickey mouse #daisy duck #minnie mouse #spooky scary skelteons #max goof #skeleton dance #dennis the duck #have a sandwich #disney channel #2001

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woodchoc-magnum · 4 years ago

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911 4x07 “There Goes the Neighbourhood” Reaction

Under the cut!

A solid, enjoyable episode - I laughed multiple times during this.

A sad lack of Eddie Diaz but that’s okay, he had a big episode last week.

Thoughts:

The rocker moms at the start had me lolling

Look, was it sexual harrassment? Sure. But that lady saw that Diaz ass and realised she had a golden opportunity for some slappin’

Veronica certainly was interesting. I’d love to know how the date started? Like... did she just dislike him instantly or did he say something to piss her off... she was openly hostile right from the get go.

Kinda weird that the last episode ended with Eddie on a date and this one started with Buck on a date, you know, the man who hasn’t dated in anyone in a season and a half now 👀

I don’t pretend to know what the writers are doing but what are they fucking doing seriously

Why did Buck decide to jump into the dating pool again now? Is this just a straight-up reaction to Eddie dating? WILL WE FIND OUT NEXT WEEK? Fuck I hope so

I want a REALISATION, PLEASE

Moving on - I would’ve kicked Albert out the moment he stole that cheesecake

There are some things that are sacred. Women come and go but CHEESECAKE IS FOREVER.

Am I... anti-Albert? After that? Yes.

Also like I know Buck is a social person but I am a person who cannot survive without my own space so for him to have had literally no space for himself for the last six(?) months like... I wouldn’t be coping at all.

Good god NIA IS SO FUCKING CUTE - they have 10/10 nailed the casting there holy SHIT

Okay so Michael’s wall of windows is great but HE LIVES ACROSS FROM THE HOTEL CECIL

I AM LITERALLY WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THAT SPOOKY ASS HOTEL

I could not BELIEVE IT

Also when Bobby gets involved was just 10/10 so. fucking. funny. And the Austin Powers music? I was DYING. HILARIOUS.

Like all the men on this show are just as bad as each other and the women just put up with it

The entire turkey scene was 10/10 as well - Buck and Eddie finally managing to catch it? So good. And they weren’t wearing masks! Honestly I hate that the masks cover their faces, I know they’re necessary but I can’t wait until the day when they don’t have to wear them anymore.

Buck telling Eddie he needs a “safe space” - DUDE. If they’re not foreshadowing Buck moving into Eddie’s house - does that mean he kicks Albert out? Maybe? He could kick him out; it’s Buck’s fucking apartment.

I mean I realise it is wishful thinking for Buck to move in with Eddie - I am 90% sure Eddie doesn’t have a spare room, and if he does, they’ve never shown it - but GOD I WANT IT. Buck’s not a guest in Eddie’s house!

I love the Hen & Athena friendship - and Hen and Karen are SO GOOD TOGETHER, honestly I was so happy to see Karen. And not all the parents on this show are super terrible - there’s hope for Hen’s mom yet.

No mention of Ana 👀

And then the big reveal at the end that Albert is dating Veronica... look, I was anti-Albert after the cheesecake stealing incident (NEVER FORGET) but... he could’ve told Buck? It’s not like Buck was pining after this girl. Why didn’t he just tell him? So fucking weird.

Let’s wildly speculate (and I’m always wrong!):

So we know that Buck and Albert are on the rocks as roommates (cheesecake thievery). We know that Taylor Kelly comes back in the next episode (I one hundred percent think she’s married). We know that Buck is looking for a safe space. We know that Buck has a one-on-one scene with Christopher and there was also a BTS video of Oliver in the same outfit as he wears in the scene with Christopher at the hospital. There are also those set photos from the airplane emergency where it kinda looks like Buck and Eddie are fighting (though I remain unconvinced about that). We know that Ana is in the next episode. The next episode is called Breaking Point.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

I have no idea.

Genuinely have no fucking clue.

My gut tells me that... Buck and Eddie probably aren’t fighting, especially not about anything jealousy-related because Buck doesn’t seem to be that jealous of Ana? Unless things dramatically change in the next episode.

The hospital thing, I don’t know.

Why do Buck and Christopher have a one-on-one? My original wild theory was that Eddie was sick but I don’t think that’s going to happen either (he looks fine in the set photos).

Can I wildly speculate for one second (this will not happen) that Eddie gets food poisoning on a date with Ana?! Because... I’d enjoy that. Not Eddie’s suffering, of course, but like... Buck to the rescue, kind of thing.

It’s not going to happen; moving on.

The theory about Buck moving in... I mean, I want it. @from-nova made a brilliant post about that and I so hope she’s right.

If Eddie does have a secret hidden spare bedroom, it could happen? But he’s only got a small couch, so where the fuck would Buck sleep? “Oh hey Ana, so Buck’s moving in with me and I don’t have a spare room so we’re just gonna share a bed also he’s been co-parenting my son with me for the last three years, so did you want to order now?”

I don’t know.

I just feel like next week’s episode is going to have something big Buddie-related? I have a FEELING.

Does Eddie get jealous about Taylor? We all remember the Season 2 murder strut.

It seems too soon for Eddie to tell Christopher about Ana?

I don’t know. I’m anxious. This has been rambling.

My fear is that they will end the next episode with Buck and Eddie fighting and I really don’t want that, so I’m manifesting for that not to happen.

This whole season has been about Buck and finding his family and finding his place... the recurring theme of the invisible string, them constantly showing Eddie supporting Buck; constantly drumming in that Buck and Eddie talk to each other about everything... Buck is searching for a safe place, where is safer than Eddie’s house?

What if he moves in and it just... clicks? Like... everything falls into place for him. This is where I’m meant to be.

God, I hope. I REALLY REALLY HOPE. 🙏

Also fingers crossed for Eddie dumping Ana next week PRAYER CIRCLE

She says one fucking thing about Buck and/or Christopher and he’s like “we’re done.”

I want it.

#911 season 4 #911 episode reaction #wild speculation #mostly incoherent #i had a good time though

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fan-art-ic · 4 years ago

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By Chance | DT Secret Santa 2020

A writing gift for @zestyquetzalcoatl who requested a fic with Gladstone and Donald getting along and use of Paperinik for the @ducktalessecretsanta2020 event! Despite how the rockiness of everything that’s happening, I hoped I conveyed that they care about each other. Even moreso, I hope you enjoy this!

Posted on archiveofourown here

Summer, 1999

Gladstone and Fethry’s parents wanted to go on a wine tour through Calisota, so the two of them were dumped on Scrooge McDuck, their barely related ‘uncle’. However, since Scrooge had taken in Della and Donald as his wards, the geezer had become a bit more approachable, a tad more indulgent of his young family. Part of that was giving in when Della asked her uncle to let her cousins stay with them for a couple of weeks during the summer.

Gladstone considers Fethry more brother than cousin given how often their parents had the other family over. Fethry is a good kid, silly but reliable. Della is whip-sharp with all the subtlety of a rocket, but she’s the only one who can prank Gladstone without his luck saving him. It’s unfortunate for his wardrobe, but it makes seeing her so much fun. Donald…

He’s easy to rile up, is all Gladstone can really say. Or is it? That certainly hadn’t been the case earlier.

Scrooge was stuck in meetings the whole afternoon of their first day in Duckburg, so Della and Donald showed their cousins around town. While walking around, they passed an electronics store with a window filled with televisions tuned to the same channel. On the screens was a Kiwi, the name Angus Fergus - Channel 00 visible on the subtitle banner. The breaking news headline was DUCK AVENGER: ENEMY OR FOE?

Gladstone laughed. “Enemy or foe? What kind of question is that?” He watched briefly as a news clip of a dark duck-shaped figure jumped a fence. His cousins stopped so he wouldn’t be left behind and turned to face him.

Donald frowned, saying, “It’s not a question.”

Della jumped in at that point. “That’s the top reporter on the Duck Avenger,” and as she said the name, she moved her voice up and down and wiggled her fingers. Gladstone and Fethry laughed at her antics, and Donald’s shoulders hitched up.

“Top reporter?” Donald scoffed. “The Duck Avenger is only a menace to those who need menacing, and that reporter is a joke. He can’t even write a byline.”

“Do you even know what a byline is?” Gladstone joked and Donald started to grow red. Della jeered at her brother and Fethry mimicked her. Donald’s face darkened.

“Yeah, didn’t you fail that English test, Don?” Della brought Donald in for a noogie, but he escaped it easily. He nearly swung at her, but stopped mid-way, grimacing.

“You okay, Donald?” Fethry asked.

Gladstone watched as Donald looked at the groups of people walking past them on the sidewalk before blowing his emo-long bangs out of his eyes with faked nonchalance. The duck rolled his shoulder and all he said was, “I got clipped by some ninny on a unicycle earlier. Don’t worry about it.”

“A unicycle?” Gladstone and Fethry questioned at once, but were steamrolled by Della’s reply.

“Wow, Don, if a unicycle can take you out you better let me take point on the next adventure,” Della laughed. She then tacked on, “Do you wanna put an ice pack on it back at home?”

“Nah, let’s just keep walking. That new arcade Funzo’s is a few blocks away,” Donald brushed Della off.

While going to Funzo’s had been awesome, especially because Gladstone tried the Big Bass wheel and won the 10,000 tickets (and he played the claw machine, successfully grabbing a toy each time), Gladstone feels...

There’s this niggling emotion in his chest, and as Gladstone tosses and turns in his bed, he can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with Donald.

Gladstone huffs and drags his luxurious pillow down his face. “This is stupid,” he tells the dark of his temporary room. He flops onto his side and pulls the down comforter over his head. Underneath the blanket, it is pitch black and with each exhale it becomes stuffier and hotter and more unbearable.

He bursts out and pushes the comforter away. Gladstone grimaces and closes his eyes. He opens them and then sits up, grabbing his pillow and pummelling it a few times. He lays it and then himself back down. Sighing, he closes his eyes again.

“Argh!” Gladstone gripes out loud and he beats his fist into the mattress. Why couldn’t he go to sleep? “This sucks.”

This is fine, though. He’ll just drink some water and then fall right asleep like a baby. That’s it, right, his luck won’t let him go to sleep because he’s dehydrated, no problemo-

He turns to the nightstand, where no matter Gladstone stays there is always a glass of water, there’s no glass of water.

“Seriously?” Gladstone squawks at his luck. “Seriously?”

He sighs heavily and glances at the door. “I guess I’ll just go get my own water.” Luckily, by the door are a pair of shamrock green slippers. Gladstone shrugs his bathrobe over his pajamas and finds the slippers to be exceedingly soft when he slides them on.

The door opens quietly on oiled hinges, and Gladstone slowly makes his way out of the guest wing of the mansion to the main steps. He’s certain there are closer stairs that would take him to the kitchen, but he’s yet to learn them. He could probably ask Della or Donald about it tomorrow. He passes by a suit of knight’s armor and the moonlight pouring in from the windows glints off the poleaxe menacingly.

Gladstone shivers and shuffles faster. He can’t imagine living in such a creepy place with creepy things all year. Would make him bananas. All these magical artifacts and mystic doodads must be at least half responsible for Scrooge’s weird habits, Gladstone thinks and then laughs at his own thoughts.

“I’m hilarious,” he says out loud and definitely doesn’t startle when a hushed wailing emanates from a collection of strangely-shaped clay. He shivers again, “Eugh.” Soon he’s at the main stairs and not a single step groans as Gladstone walks down.

A sharp creak snaps through the still air.

He freezes on the stair landing and he looks toward the sound. Towards the steps on the other side of the landing that lead to the west wing of the house, where he was told Scrooge, Della, and Donald’s bedrooms are somewhere located. Gladstone grimaces. On one hand, it’s probably nothing, just some treasure acting up a bit how that pottery had. On the other hand…

Gladstone can’t help but imagine his cousins and their uncle in trouble and somehow unable to yell for help, that creak being the sole sound to alert anyone, and Gladstone had just happened to be nearby to hear it. His hands fiddle with the bathrobe tie, and his head swings to look back-and-forth between the ground floor, just down the steps, and the other side of the mansion, up the steps.

“That didn’t happen, I didn’t hear anything,” Gladstone murmurs to himself.

Thud.

Gladstone glares incredulously. That sound was so soft and distant, but he undeniably heard something thud in the house. Right after he said...nope, no more tempting fate, Gladstone decides. He turns to walk down the stairs, but as soon as his foot touches the first step, he hears another creak. Gladstone huffs and the moment his other foot touches the next step, there is...

Nothing. He didn’t hear anything. That’s good, right?

Gladstone makes it halfway across the foyer before he whips around and races up the stairs. He speed-walks down the hall of the opposite wing, feeling silly as he cups his hands to his ears. He hopes he hears something. He hopes he hears nothing.

There! A muffled yelp pierced the still air and was cut off not even a second later, but Gladstone had heard it. He stops in his tracks, and as luck would have it, he’s in front of a branching off hallway. Gladstone sees a few doors down it, but the main one that draws his attention is wrapped all around in bright yellow CAUTION tape. As he reluctantly walks closer, Gladstone spots a tiny boat sticker on the door jamb.

He nearly sweat drops. Gladstone loves his cousin, but he knows it’d be tempting fate to knock on the temperamental teenager’s door in the middle of the night. And what would Gladstone have to say for himself, that he was worried? That there were some weird sounds that scared him? He’d be very lucky if the only thing that happens is Donald waking up, telling him he heard some spooky artefact, and closing the door in his face.

Oh wait, it slowly dawns on the teenager. He is that lucky! He’s incredibly lucky every single day, why would this be any different? All he needs to do is knock, lay his fears to rest, go to bed, and lay himself to rest. Everything will be fine. He'll go back to sleep and the sun will rise and everything will be fine. Gladstone sucks in a deep breath and exhales in a whoosh. He knocks four times, just enough force to catch attention if Donald is awake, but not raucous enough to wake him. A muffled curse filters through the door. Gladstone frowns and folds his arms awkwardly. The door opens a few inches to reveal the sleep-squinting eyes of his cousin.

“Gladstone?”

He laughs weakly. “Ah! Donald, just the duck I wanted to see…” Gladstone means to say more, but is distracted by the dark shadows under Donald’s eyes. Or, more, around the eyes…?

“Did you need something?” asks Donald. His eyes are looking away from Gladstone’s, and his fingertips around the door are flecked darkly.

Gladstone blue screens for a second before finding some words to say, “I was wondering if you knew anything about the pottery near my room! Such fascinating pieces of, uh, artwork.”

The door shuts without answer and the goose scrambles. “Wait! No, I uh, I actually was, I’m worried,” he stammers out, and the door opens back up, a little more than before. Success. If only it wasn’t at the sacrifice of his dignity. “You see, they’re really freaky, and were making some weird moaning wailing noises? And I just couldn’t get to sleep!” Gladstone grins bashfully. The door opens fully, and there stands Donald, rumpled and grumbly but definitely awake.

“Move to a different room tonight. Tell Uncle Scrooge in the morning about it, he’ll give them a lecture,” Donald advises him, actually more helpful than Gladstone thought he would be. “Go back to sleep, Glad.”

“Well, uh, sounds good,” Gladstone says. The door begins to shut and Gladstone blurts out, “Why are you wearing boots in the middle of the night?” He had barely noticed them at first, but now it’s striking him as super weird.

Donald squawks. His eyes flick down and then back up to meet Gladstone’s. His cousin goes to slam shut his bedroom door, but before it closes Gladstone shoves his hand in between and blocks it. He hisses loudly in pain and Donald’s eyes go wide. The door reopens and Donald starts to reach out to Gladstone, who’s withdrawn the injured hand and stuffed it in his mouth to muffle his yelps, but then the duck aborts the gesture. When Gladstone finally lets go of his bruised hand, Donald flicks the side of his beak.

“Idiot,” he rasps. “Don’t put your stupid hand in the door.”

Gladstone declines to respond because with the door open more, he has a better view of his cousin. Donald’s feathers are badly ruffled, his tee-shirt oddly bulky on him like he’s wearing something big underneath, his black boots dirty and scuffed. Now, Gladstone can tell that his eyes aren’t swollen with only a lack of sleep but also with bruising.

He whistles lowly. “That’s a hell of a shiner, Don.” His cousin’s shoulders jump to his ears and he snarls at Gladstone.

“Shut up! You didn’t see any of this!” Donald stands taller and moves to block Gladstone’s view of the room, but Gladstone uses that to push him out of the way and walk in. As he walks by, he spies a thick piece of blue fabric spilling out the back of Donald’s shirt. He quickly reaches out and grabs it, pulling it closer to inspect. It has more weight to it than Gladstone expected and the underside is a deep coal black.

“Is this a cape?”

Donald whirls around to face him, and man, oh man has Gladstone messed up. If looks could kill Gladstone would be worm food. The duck’s shoulders start to shake and Gladstone can practically see steam whistling out his ears. Oh man.

“Get out of my room! You didn’t see anything! GET OUT-” Donald’s volume exponentially rises and Gladstone rushes to clamp the duck’s bill shut before he grows loud enough to wake up everyone else. Donald shakes in his grasp for a few seconds but regains his calm quickly enough that Gladstone feels somewhat certain he won’t start yelling again. Donald breathes heavily and with a dark look at Gladstone, he turns his back on him and stalks over to his bed. “Get out of my room,” his cousin orders, pulling his blanket over his head. As if that would be enough to dissuade a curious (not scared!) gander. Gladstone eyes the haphazard mess around the room. Piles of clothes, overflowing trash, an open window letting in an unusually cold summer draft. He shivers. Then he looks closer at the window.

Dark, two-toned smudges litter the windowsill. The floor below the window is oddly clear of any mess in a rough circle. Gladstone knows for a fact that there is a climbable trellis right outside Donald’s window. Della had pointed it out during his and Fethry’s first tour of the manor grounds, bemoaning the fact that lame straight-lace Donald got a sneak-out-able window and she didn’t.

Gladstone had laughed then, but now he was severely doubting the idea that Donald never snuck out.

“Donald? Is this…” Gladstone walks closer to the window and bends over. He picks up something small and black, rough in texture and sort of sticky. Spread out in his hands, he can see it’s a domino mask like the ones comic book superheroes wear. His trailing off must have been telling because after a few seconds Donald forcefully tumbles out of bed and snatches the mask from Gladstone’s hands.

“It’s for a school play,” Donald says harshly before shoving him towards the door. “Get out of my room.”

“Is this blood?” Gladstone asks as he stares at the reddish residue on his fingertips. “Donald, I want an explanation.”

“Yeah, well I want a thousand dollars, and you don’t see me getting it,” the duck says brusquely.

“Do you want a thousand dollars? I can give you it.” It wouldn’t even make a dent in his savings with how his parents make him deposit all the twenty-dollar bills he finds and cash prizes from sweepstakes he unwittingly wins.

Donald’s feathers fluff out a bit, and Gladstone realizes that was the wrong thing to say. “I, uh, well I mean, are you okay?”

His cousin gives him a disbelieving look and pauses in his attempts to push Gladstone out. The goose notices a small patch of darkened feathers on the side of Donald’s head. He reaches out to poke it. “You’re hurt?”

Donald bats his hand aside. “Just leave, Gladstone. Forget all this and I’ll let you get away with as many jokes as you want tomorrow.”

Tempting. Very tempting, in fact. For a second, Gladstone wavers. He and Fethry are in the works planning a prank on the Duck twins for the next day, and it’s a doozy of one that definitely would result in getting chased up a tree. His tree climbing skills are lacking…

“Nope!” Gladstone replies. “C’mon cuz! What’s the big secret? Some adventure you don’t want your sis getting in on?” His response gets him a tired look. Gladstone frowns. He’s just getting nowhere tonight. How untypical. This calls for drastic measures.

“Look, Donald,” he says seriously, and steps aside and away from the door. He levels a look at his cousin and is returned with an exhausted, stony stare. “I don’t want in on…” Gladstone gestures around the room, “whatever this is. I was worried earlier, but, eugh, this pains me to say, but I was worried about you.”

His cousin’s stunned expression is enough to make Gladstone continue. “You seemed off earlier, and this is like, REALLY wildly weird, whatever you’re up to, and, I don’t know, are you actually okay?” Donald stares at him, his face closed off and blank. Gladstone fidgets a bit awkwardly; bald-faced honesty is not his usual policy and the longer this silence drags out the heavier the sinking feeling in his stomach gets.

Finally, his cousin sighs harshly and looks him in the eyes before glancing around his owm room. Donald sighs again, but reaches out and closes the door with a click. Gladstone backs up to give him space and sits down in the desk chair to the left of the bed.

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” Donald begins quietly. “Not Fethry, not Della, not Scrooge, not your folks, you tell anyone and not even your luck will save you.” Teenage bravado or not, a shiver runs down Gladstone’s spine.

“Okay.”

“You promise?” Donald marches up to him and sticks a pinky finger in his face. Gladstone curls his own pinky around it and swallows roughly.

“Promise, Don.”

Donald breathes in and it’s like all the tension in him had been cut in two. With a deep sigh, his shoulders sag and the duck stumbles a few steps backward to sit heavily on the bed. He awkwardly draws up one leg and encircles his arms around it, and scratches at his elbow. In the soft moonlight pouring in, Gladstone can just make out a bandage clip peeking out of feathers. What craziness is Gladstone stepping into this time?

Donald mumbles...something into his elbows and knee, his face too buried for Gladstone to hear. “What?”

Donald mumbles again.

“What?”

Donald’s fingers clench. Unclench. He lifts his head to glare at the goose. Reluctantly, as if the very words pain him, Donald says, “I’m the Duck Avenger.”

Gladstone’s eyes bug out.

“WHA-” Donald moves lightning-quick, lunging forward and clamping a hand around Gladstone’s beak. He lets go after a second. Gladstone continues, volume adjusted, “-what do you mean you’re the freaking Duck Avenger? You’re saying you’re a vigilante? Did you hit your head?”

“Yes,” says Donald. “At least several times.” Gladstone has no response to that.

His cousin...is a vigilante. What did Gladstone know about the Duck Avenger? Not well-liked by news reporters, not well-liked by police, not well-liked by criminals. Criminals. His cousin regularly goes out and sneaks around at the dead of night getting...who had Gladstone heard about? The mayor?

“What was the deal with the mayor?” Gladstone asks. Donald frowns and seems a little caught off-guard.

“He was embezzling funds from Duckburg taxes,” explains Donald. “Using people’s money for his own fancy, schmancy pool at his big fancy, schmancy mansion, instead of fixing potholes or funding something worthwhile!”

“You live in a fancy, schmancy mansion with a pool,” Gladstone points out. Donald glares at him.

“It’s not the same!”

“Okay, okay!” Gladstone raises his hands in surrender, and he changes the topic. “So, like, you go out and expose politicians and punch robbers and stuff? Like Superdog or Wonder Warble?”

Donald scratches the back of his neck. “There’s a bit more to it than that, but uh, yeah.” The duck sits taller. “I avenge. I avenge on those taking advantage of those not in power. Or is it I avenge those not in power…” the teenager trails off.

“Neat!” Gladstone interjects as he can empathize with being brain fuzzy late at night; this is all so confusing without thinking about grammar of all things. Ugh, grammar.

“Wait, so how’s being a mysterious vigilante going to work when summer is over and school starts?” asks Gladstone. He starts to spin himself in the desk chair. “Are you going to just ‘avenge’ on weekends and holidays or…?”

Donald shakes his head and then yawns so big Gladstone hears a joint pop. He shivers. Eugh, gross. Whoa, he’s dizzy. He stops spinning the chair and realizes he’s missed half of what Donald has said. “Wait, back up, can you repeat that?”

His cousin rolls his eyes but obliges. “I was saying that I’m gonna go out whenever I can. If I’m not unconscious from the latest adventure or I don’t have a huge exam the next day, I want to be out there,” Donald turns his head to look out the window, “making a difference.”

Gladstone is seeing all sorts of hidden depths to his cousin tonight. Yikes, what to say to that kind of statement, jeez. “We got plenty of time to make a difference, Don, we’re not even out of high school,” Gladstone reasons. “Right now, we’re just learning the ropes and being crazy kids, no need to really stress about it that much. Making a difference is for adults.”

Donald shoots him a sharp glare that settles into a deep scowl. “Of course you’d say that.”

“Of course I’d say what?”

“That we should let the adults handle it. That we should wait to become adults to handle it. Some of us-” Donald visibly bites off the end of his sentence. Gladstone frowns. The duck continues, wrestling with his words. “I,” he stresses, “I am not waiting to do something. That’s not...It’s not something I can do.”

Gladstone stands up from the desk chair and starts pacing. One, two, three, four steps, turn around, walk back. One, two, three, four steps, turn around, walk back. One, two, three, four-

“Glad?”

The goose stops pacing and stands still for a moment. Gladstone ignores his cousin for a second to inspect his hands, where they’d held the mask earlier. He rubs his fingers together and some of the light brown, dried blood crumbles off his white feathers. He turns to look at Donald.

“Donald.” Gladstone hesitates before repeating himself from earlier, “Are you okay?” He hopes his cousin sees it for the out it is. Let Gladstone win once tonight. His cousin frowns and scratches at his elbow. The bandages shift around the arm. Gladstone looks away.

“Am I…are you okay?” Donald deflects instead.

“I’m peachy keen,” Gladstone replies with pronounced cheer. He rocks back on his heels. “So, you are okay? You’ll live to the morning?”

Donald catches on, frowning at first before finally saying, “Yep, all good. You can go back to bed now.” Gladstone laughs weakly.

“Good to hear! Good to hear…” Jeez, now the duck almost looks downcast because Gladstone wants out of this frankly strange conversation. His stomach churns uneasily and Gladstone really just wants to dart out the door and chalk this all up to a weird dream. He turns and begins to walk toward the door, but before he crosses the threshold, Gladstone spins around and rushes up to the duck.

“Gladstone?” Donald says and then groans, “Mind the ribs!” as Gladstone quickly, tightly wraps his arms around his older cousin. He holds the hug for four seconds before letting go and stepping away immediately.

“Well, goodnight, Don,” Gladstone says. Donald looks back at him.

“Goodnight, Glad.”

The goose nods and then makes his way out of the room. Just before he closes the door, he hears Donald’s tired voice ask, “You won’t tell anyone ‘bout me?”

Gladstone swallows roughly and it takes him a moment to respond. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“ ‘Kay...goodnight…”

“Goodnight, Don,” repeats Gladstone and he closes the door with care. He walks back to the stairs and goes down to the kitchen. He remembers that reporter, asking if the Duck Avenger is the enemy. The shadowy silhouette of the Duck Avenger jumping a fence. Gladstone pulls a glass out of the cabinet and pours water into it from the pitcher. He sets the pitcher down and there’s a slight brownish tint on the white plastic that hadn’t been there before. Gladstone wipes it away and drinks from his glass. A mayor embezzling funds, that would require breaking and entering to figure out, getting into secured files or going onto the mayor’s, well, ex-mayor’s property, trespassing. That’s just one thing Gladstone knows about, and who knows how long Donald will keep superheroing? If he ever gets caught…

Gladstone finishes off his water and rinses the glass, setting it to dry on the mat beside the sink. He walks back to his room and slips under the covers. He stares up at the ceiling. His cousin the vigilante. Out there, trying to make a mark and fixing injustices. Although Gladstone isn't quite sure his cousin is really old enough, when he thinks about it he can find it pretty cool of Donald. Hopefully, he won’t have to think about it all. Tomorrow, he’ll have to talk to Fethry about changing their prank plans. Maybe something with not quite as many roller skates.

Gladstone closes his eyes and waits for a new day to begin.

#ducktales #donald duck #gladstone gander #paperinik #ducktales secret santa #my writing #ahhhhhhhh i enjoyed how this turned out but i just hope you enjoy this as it is a gift lmao

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quillyfied · 5 years ago

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Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 5

What up, it’s back!

77 carefully-curated titles for your perusal today! As always, the fics are broken into the following categories: Jaunts through History/Canon, South Downs, Post-Apocalypse, Bus Ride/The Night Before/Heaven and Hell, AU/UA, Just Soft, Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings, Bonus, and H/C /Whump/BAMF. I don’t read smut fics but sometimes there are sexual elements to the stories and sometimes you get invested and then suddenly the author drops a smut chapter, so warnings where applicable.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

LET ME KNOW IF A LINK IS BROKEN OR MISATTRIBUTED AND I WILL FIX IT RIGHT AWAY.

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. Get Thee To A Nunnery – Owenjones (T, the one where Aziraphale is put in a nunnery and needs a bit of a rescue. More or less Ineffable Wives time, but warnings for Aziraphale being forced into a female corporation against his will, that’s pretty icky (three guesses for who the offending Archangel is). Crowley is posing as a little lady known as Julie D’Aubigny, which, if that rings no bells, you should Google her immediately and then go into this fic cackling like I did. Very sweet, a fun little adventure!)

2. Bibliophilia – @wingedspirit (G, the one where Aziraphale has a book nemesis and Crowley always seems to have the perfect book as a gift, what a coincidence. This is so funny, you guys, seriously. We stan ONE (1) oblivious angel in this house. And when Aziraphale finally catches on, it’s so cute, I can’t even. I cannot EVEN. Go read it right now immediately.)

3. The Heart Goes To Heaven, The Head Goes To Hell – Dekkles (T, the one where Crowley has intentions of making an angel Fall and it kinda…backfires. Guys fair warning, this one’s version of Hell is really gross, if you’re squeamish tread very carefully bc WOW it can get a bit graphic. Y’know what’s also gross? The PINING (obviously not gross in the same way but the pining is awfully feelsy and part of it does happen in Hell). Watching this Crawly go from an honestly nauseating portrayal of Hell to watching Aziraphale and kinda awkwardly twitching in his light is so delightful and I hope for more in the future (though maybe less visions of Hell, I will be so glad if and when the fic leaves that place because yikes).)

4. i like this place (it feels spooky) – @asideofourown (G, the one where Warlock manages to convince Nanny and Brother Francis to take him to a haunted house and it’s so cute. You guys. It’s SO cute. You really get a feel for little Warlock’s personality and how he sees things (and he sees ALL). Just a really cute “family” outing, really, and someone gets spooked at the end and it’s not who you think!)

5. Doubt the Stars are Fire – LilithReisender (T, the one where Aziraphale bails Crowley out of prison and they spend time together in an Italian villa. This one has cool history bits, really fun banter, and Crowley actively on the job while trying to pretend he isn’t on the job. It’s a delight, and it’s just getting started! Jump on this bandwagon, folks, it’s great!)

6. The Hellfire Club – @amarguerite (NR, the one where greater measures are taken to make sure Aziraphale isn’t promoted back upstairs. This one is so hilarious, you guys, I can’t even tell you which bit is my favorite. And the cherry on top? Wing grooming! (I can also tell you that something highly unpleasant happens to Sandalphon, if that sweetens the pot for anyone.) If you have a Thing for Crowley and Aziraphale being melodramatic and overacting, then stay put, friends. Also continue reading this list, there’s a few more that’ll catch your eye later on.)

7. The Immortal Look – MickyRC (G, the one where Crowley puts Aziraphale in some kohl and it’s awesome. A written entry for the Prince of Omens DTIYS, and even independent from Prince of Omens this fic is a winner, in my book. Crowley going dewy-eyed over Aziraphale’s looks in any capacity is always My Jam and this fic really goes for it.)

8. Merry & Bright – @peppervl (G, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley go undercover as a married couple in the Regency. You like fem!Aziraphale but don’t see it often enough? SIT DOWN, FRIENDO. Not only does this have a lovely Miss Fell for us to fawn over, but it’s a Miss Fell in possession of a fortune and surely in want of a husband, according to prim-and-proper London, and who better to help her out than one Mr. Crowley who happens to need some help on a temptation? Fun, romantic, and with a cute little twist at the end I shan’t spoil but you should really stick around for.)

9. Putting the Endearment in Dear – @joyandotherstories (G, the one where Aziraphale starts calling everyone “dear” just so he can also call Crowley by endearments. This one is sweet and a little sad and has the softest possible ending, y’all don’t even know. Read it, the point in time where Aziraphale doesn’t have to hold back his mountain of endearments anymore is a sight to behold.)

10. Between the Lines – cyankelpie (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale’s feelings are known but not spoken, at least not directly. This one is a historical jaunt where they have a lot of double-meaning conversations (and Crowley is very rightly lost through a lot of it, poor dear), and it aches, you guys, it just hurts. Not finished yet as of this review but WHEN IT’S DONE—I’m sure it’ll be worth it. Hot dang.)

11. No Matter How the Stars Align (They Make Me Think of You) – silentsonata (G, the one that covers stars that Crowley and Aziraphale have met under. Every once in a while there’ll come along a fic that shakes the ground as it walks. I understand the Big Bang events usually churn these out, and there are quite a few on this list, but this fic here? A masterpiece. Pitch-perfect in every way, just a stunner. I want to tell y’all to pay special attention to certain chapters but they all took my breath utterly away and it would be unfair to single any out over the rest, the whole work is a monument. Just beautiful.)

12. Too Wise to Woo Peaceably – purewanderlust (T, the one that’s five times they see “Much Ado About Nothing” throughout history. I love me some “Much Ado,” personally, and this fic knows what it’s on about. Wonderfully romantic and ends with the single most perfect conversation, I swear 2 someone. Hits right in the feels.)

13. Just Another Sword Fight – DemonicGeek (NR, the one that’s a 5+1 about Crowley swordfighting. If you’re here because Aziraphale taking on the role of the swooning maiden to Crowley’s dashing hero makes you, in fact, be the one swooning, say hello to your new best friend. If you like to follow all that up with Aziraphale taking charge when needed, I might suggest building a home here, because ABSOLUTELY that’s what you’re getting.)

14. A Few More Rescues – @poetic----nonsense (T, the one with, predictably, a few more rescues. If the previous fic had you reeling and begging for more, welcome to the buffet, children. These are some really fun rescues by Crowley on behalf of Aziraphale, and they’re unconventional and historical AF (especially the bit with the dragon) (you bet your sweet keister there’s a bit with a dragon). This fic is so much fun and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.)

15. Floriography – Frenchmeister (T, the one where Crowley doesn’t get flower language. The premise is, Crowley slept through a large chunk of the Victorian era, so he doesn’t know what Aziraphale keeps trying to say as they work at the Dowlings’ estate raising Warlock. He does know that the philodendron is a menace, no matter what it’s supposed to mean. Funny and nerve-wracking and so, so sweet.)

16. The Interplay of Illusion and Magic – SoulJelly (T, the one where Aziraphale tries to join a magicians’ society. This one has some delightful history and Aziraphale trying to perform sleight of hand magic to get in a secret magicians club and a surprising twist near the middle, all told; it’s a lot more exciting than I initially thought it was going to be (I was just expecting some fluff and that was not all I got; it’s always a good day when Crowley has to come to the rescue).)

SOUTH DOWNS

17. There goes the neighborhood – @bestoftheseekwill (G, the one where Crowley’s retirement peace is threatened by construction. If you’re here for Crowley wiles, anti-capitalism, and flashes of protective Aziraphale, get ready to take a load off because this is primo.)

18. Teatime Revelations – Cardinal_Daughter (T, the one where God invites Herself over for tea. This one is strained and it’s emotional and it’s all the softer for it. Aziraphale being quiet and protective while Crowley has a come-apart in the face of God is iconic, tbh; pretty sure this fic inspired a lot of my own portrayals of the GOmens God, looking back on it. A wonderful and light-hearted take.)

POST-APOCALYPSE

19. Lose a Kraken, Gain an Angel – MistressKat (T, the one where Hastur has an expected friendship. This fic has everything—Hastur being a sympathetic character, the Kraken, Crowley pining after Aziraphale, the Antichrist, and is hilarious from start to finish. A fun and tonally accurate diversion, please read.)

20. Something Old, Something New – shippityshipship (G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are involved in weddings. Short and hasn’t updated in a while but still excellent reading, I find; great characterization, some fun OCs, lovely atmosphere, oblivious pining while everyone else thinks they’re dating, it’s amazing.)

21. The difficulty with disposable demons – @areyougonnabe (T, the one where Eric the disposable demon shows up and it’s a madhouse in Crowley’s apartment. This is a really funny take on what happens to the disposable demons and why they are the way they are, and with the added bonus of driving Crowley up the wall and some mild miscommunications with Aziraphale that are all sorted out in the end.)

22. Care and Keeping – @arcafira (M, T, the series where Crowley is shedding and Aziraphale tries to help. Not rated M for anything violent or sexual, really more of a T than an M but there is a bath scene and a lot of self-loathing. There’s a lot of convincing Crowley to let Aziraphale care for him and a lot of working through Fall-related issues, but it leaves off in a wonderfully hopeful place.)

23. The Clockwork Days – redwinehouse (T, the one where the world’s ending again. There are many fics that have tackled possible sequels to Good Omens and this is one of the more tonally accurate ones, I feel; it’s very tongue-in-cheek and matter-of-fact, and the little twist at the end was a genuine surprise to me. Whack in plenty of mutual pining and a Bentley that has had it up to HERE with these idiots and you’ve got a recipe for a good little story.)

24. don’t leave me here alone – Elvendork (T, the one where Crowley asks for holy water again. This one is a tense argument, right up until it isn’t, and absolutely delectable, really. If you’re a fan of Aziraphale bringing up hellfire to go toe to toe with Crowley on the issue, BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP, this one is dunking itself into Soft Town with that accelerant to really drive it home.)

25. The Next Time We Wed – seashadows (T, the one where a mix-up leads to marriage. If drunken mistakes and their aftermath is what you’re after, welcome to the party, folks, because this one’s a whopper. Can people pine while being married to each other? The answer is yes. Can it have a soft ending? Also yes. Can it include the mothers of such characters as Anathema and Newt being wonderful characters in their own right? The answer, incredibly, is yes.)

26. You Can’t Un-See A Dog – @holycatsandrabbits (T, the one where Crowley is summoned and there’s shenanigans afoot. I won’t talk too much about the plot of this one bc I don’t want to spoil it but suffice it to say that this one is hilarious and has some especially gratifying Ineffable Husband silent communication at play. If your entire reason for existence, like Crowley’s, is seeing Bastard!Aziraphale at work, then bunk down here, friendos, you’ve arrived.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

27. Crowley, Big Bad Demon, Can Keep His Cool Around His Crush – @edennovik (T, the one where Crowley…well, see title, and then immediately disregard. Crowley cannot, in fact, keep his cool around his crush. Crowley is doing the opposite of keeping his cool around his crush. Crowley is a ball of anxiety and screaming pining gooey mess and Aziraphale might just like him anyway.)

AU/UA

28. If Not Now, When – @ineffablefool (T, the one where trans café worker Crowley strikes up a conversation with fat pretty Aziraphale. Listen. Y’all know ineffablefool. Y’all know he is a force that cannot be stopped or reckoned with, when it comes to Soft Fat-Postive Asexual Romance. So I do not say this lightly when I say that this is possibly his masterwork. There is a lot of good, good content in his catalogue but the emotional work put into this makes the whole thing stand straight up and resonate. It’s tender and respectful and handles conflicts of gender and sexuality with grace and gentleness and oh no I’m tearing up pls send help I’m DROWNING—).

29. Trip the Light – @summerofspock (M, the one where Aziraphale falls in love first. M for a sex scene near the end of the fic, second half of Chapter 17, so keep an eye out for that if you’re sensitive to it. Oh, y’all. This one goes through canon and a few scenes outside of it and the recontextualizing of those scenes as Aziraphale hopelessly in love and Crowley as oblivious is amazing. Even more amazing: once Crowley finally catches on and then it becomes Aziraphale once again in his role of holding back. Guys. Y’all. My DUDES. I am in the throes of agony. It’s so good.)

30. one love (only for you) – @weatheredlaw (M, the one that’s a vague Snow White AU. It’s truly unfair how poetic and romantic this one is, how lovely. It has fantasy elements and ridiculous vengeful brothers and soft, soft boys in love. A sweet little way to spend an afternoon, tbh.)

31. in the house we remain – @commodorecliche (M, the one where Crowley’s a ghost in the house Aziraphale has bought. M for masturbation, weird ghost sex, and a harrowing backstory for Crowley; if you’re squeamish about sexual things and not good at gauging how to skip them, or if you can’t stand abuse stories, I would pass this one up. Y’all. Y’ALL. So thoroughly upsetting, this one; the horror elements are real but so is the romance and it’s a beautiful balance of the two. What’s wild is how believable it is; it could easily have been a story about Aziraphale just becoming obsessed with and romanticizing a dead person who used to live in his house but it feels like an actual love story, with Crowley learning how to trust Aziraphale, as well, despite their planar incompatibility. The ending is so unbelievably sweet. And there’s art now! There wasn’t, when I first added it to the list! Huzzah!)

32. pop! goes my heart – @areyougonnabe (E, the one that’s a Music and Lyrics AU. E for a sex scene near the end of Chapter 6 that’s a bit difficult to skip, since there’s a couple of relevant paragraphs after it that set up the next chapter, but if you’re up for the challenge, godspeed. First things first: this fic has ORIGINAL MUSIC RECORDED BY THE AUTHOR AND IT’S AMAZING. Music and Lyrics is one of my personal favorite romcoms, and what’s been done with it is not only accurate to the actual music industry, but accurate to the characters, as well. It’s such a fun story, adapted well, and the writing style is just charming. Fantastic!)

33. For the First Time in Forever – @nicnacsnonsense (T, the one that’s a Frozen AU. I am excited for this one, y’all. The adaptation is already so much fun and it’s only going to get funner. Aziraphale as Elsa and Crowley in an Anna-adjacent role (but not actually bc no incest) is amazing, the Olaf stand-in outshines the original, and the emotional toll is already pretty high. Absolutely worth a read.)

34. Sailor’s Omens – NeverNooitNiet (G, the one where Crowley’s a pirate and Aziraphale is his prisoner. There’s a touch of historical homophobia but that doesn’t matter much out at sea, really. If the boys being clever and bickering and also one-upping beloved series antagonists is something you enjoy, welcome to the party, friends. It’s a good old-fashioned piracy romp that’s sure to satisfy.)

35. Pomegranate Seeds – @nicnacsnonsense (G, the one that’s a Persephone and Hades AU with Aziraphale as Hades and Crowley as Persephone. This one has a unique tone and is also romantic as all get-out; throw in genderfluid Crowley, love at first sight, and Aziraphale being a sweetie, it’s a story well worth its salt, imo.)

36. Laws of Gravity – @brightwanderer (T, the one where Aziraphale invents pining for Raphael. Listen. I think we all know at this point that brightwanderer, or Atalan on ao3, has earned her clout as a GOmens fanfic heavyweight. She didn’t NEED to write an awkward and earnest Raphael trying to go incognito as Crowley into the Garden of Eden. She didn’t NEED to write about how incredibly awkward Aziraphale is while heels over halo in love. She didn’t NEED to have an engaging plot and a wonderful twist on the Temptation of Eve and also the most awkward and obvious besotted angels in the universe. But she did. And we are blessed. So go partake.)

37. Incubus!Crowley – GenericUsername01 (G, T, the series where Crowley is a sex demon and we get to see what that means. This fic threads the very specific needle I personally enjoy where sex is an element of the story and has bearing on it, but the story doesn’t have any actual sex scenes in it. I love this writer’s style and where they take Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship; I love the view of Hell in the first bit; I love all of it, really. A+++.)

38. Everyone But You – @summerofspock (M, the one where Crowley is hired to seduce an angel. M for some saucy makeouts and some post-coital afterglow but nothing explicit. If y’all like stories where a conman is hired to do a job and starts to have complicated feelings about it, especially if those feelings are falling in love with his mark, then here you go. It’s amazing as all heck and hilarious to boot; Crowley learning what falling in love is like is always a treat but omg. Poor Aziraphale. And the most DELIGHTFUL resolution, my goodness.)

39. In Mixed Company, or the Corporate Retreat of Heaven and Hell – @theoldaquarian (M, the one where Heaven and Hell have a joint corporate retreat every so often and Crowley and Aziraphale are doomed. M for some adult themes but nothing explicit. Y’all. TheOldAquarian must be stopped. They cannot continue to be so funny and engaging. They cannot continue to have the most corporate and hilariously mundane depiction of Heaven and Hell. They are a MENACE who, in the space of one fic, has packed all the pining of the ages in so tightly that when it finally bursts free, my shoulders physically relaxed and my spine uncoiled. This fic in particular is too much and too wonderful. I really must protest.)

40. Loosely Ballroom – marginalia_device, @mortifyingideal (T, the one where Aziraphale is a professional dancer and Crowley is a contestant on a show with him (for American viewers, think Dancing With the Stars). This fic is so good and so funny and so achingly in-character. I love Crowley as the washed-up old star trying to kick his career back up, I love Aziraphale as the put-upon dancer on his last legs, and I love that they’re both the victim of a studio gimmick and then decide that malicious compliance is their best bet. It’s still early in the fic (…at over 40k words wow it’s gonna be a monster and I’m ready), but it’s going to be so good already, I can just tell. There’s already some art for it floating around by naniiebimworks for the interested.)

JUST SOFT

41. Repeat the Sounding Joy – @allonsy-gabriel (G, the one where they decorate a Christmas tree. This is a short and sweet look at what the holidays are like for an angel and a demon post-apocalypse and it’s so adorable, you guys. Crowley having FEELINGS and Aziraphale being fussy about his decorating, it’s just a treat.)

42. The Nesting Habits of Angelus Principalum – @obaewankenope (NR, the one where Aziraphale nests and is gently protective. This fic is quiet and understated and so unbelievably romantic without being over the top about it; it’s a quiet coming together that creeps up on you, much like how the realization of Aziraphale’s nesting habits creeps up on Crowley. A lovely little thing.)

43. we’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow – @tonyhawksmovingcastle (E, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale wind up faking a relationship on a couple’s cruise. E for Chapter 7, which is completely skippable without ruining any plot. This one gets a double whammy for both engaging plot and wonderful OCs that add to rather than distract from the story. Fake dating is fun enough but when you’re fake dating and also being wingmanned by well-meaning possibly supernatural sapphics, while also having fun in the tropics, it’s a recipe for a good time all around (at least for the audience). So lovely and sweet and that moment when Crowley and Aziraphale finally get together is magic.)

44. Road Trip Games and Love – rgfalso (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale go on a road trip together. This one almost takes place in real time, and has the most intense and emotional back-and-forth while these poor saps try to work out the Thing between them without actually talking about it for as long as inhumanly possible. Of course there are lots of road trip games, and of course those road trip games are a vehicle of conveyance for what they’re actually trying to say, and cue all the misunderstandings in the world. It’s frustrating and cathartic and amazing and the end especially is so, so sweet.)

45. The Most Stylish Wedding of AZ Fell and AJ Crowley – @leapoffaith1489 (T, the one where Aziraphale is determined to discard tartan for the wedding. Y’all. Omg. If relatively low-stakes cute wedding shenanigans are your thing, welcome home. If Aziraphale being pleasantly surprised is your thing, welcome home. If Aziraphale working through minor insecurities is your thing, welcome, truly, home. Featuring a lovely cast of side characters and a soft-as-butter plot.)

46. The Newlywed Game (Not What You’d Think) – @heavenslittlehellion (NR, the one where a game of drunken truth-telling goes a little farther than anticipated. Hello, welcome to the emotional gut-punch fic, you’ve arrived. The only thing that saves this from dunking into the last category on this list with the other h/c and whump fics is how low-stakes it is and how soft it is when they get past the unpleasant bit. People who love theories on what the Fall felt like, welcome to the table.)

47. On the Road to Love – Mizmak (G, the one where Crowley enters a motor rally race with the Bentley, with Aziraphale as navigator. While there’s great fun in Crowley and Aziraphale needling each other, there’s greater joy in their friendship and tenderness towards the other (and asexual bed-sharing fans, rejoice). It’s a fun concept all around and definitely worth the read.)

48. Mr. Fell’s Bookshop ficlets – @holycatsandrabbits (G, T, the series where Mr. Fell has regular customers and they love the place as much as they love its weird and eldritch owner. For folks who love seeing the Ineffable Duo through others’ eyes, this is a fun series to scratch that particular itch, and has spawned a number of spin-off fics, unless I’m mistaken. It’s a relatively low-stakes series, for people wanting something like that these days, too.)

49. Quiet Reflection – @shinyopals (T, the one where they have to duck into a church to avoid demons. If the phrase “spicy Jesus crackers” holds any appeal whatsoever, go read this fic immediately. It’s heartfelt and hilarious and really that’s all you can ask for in a good fluff fic. Also Crowley being held. Really, that’s all any of us want from life.)

50. Deck the Halls – forthegreatergood (G, the one where mistletoe should really not be this hard to get a hold of. Y’all you simply MUST stick around for the hijinks in this one. They are manifold and hilarious. Does it end in makeouts? Possibly. You’ll just have to read it, won’t you?)

51. The Secret Dress – GlitterSkullFairy (G, the one where Crowley has a secret wedding dress. This one is very dramatic and sad…and then Aziraphale pops in. Like with all things concerning these two, it immediately takes a turn from there. If putting Crowley in pretty dresses is a thing you enjoy, have a seat and enjoy the show, it’s a softy.)

52. Well…That’s New – @almaasi (G, the one where Crowley doesn’t realize he’s in love. If oblivious Crowley is more to your taste, this is the one for you. Takes the concept “what if Crowley was in love but didn’t realize it” and runs with it for all it’s worth. Hilarious and sweet and wonderful.)

53. serpent, serpent-bearer – @elsajeni (G, the one that’s about horoscopes. I realize the Soft section of the rec list is for things that are Soft but hhnnngkk you guys. This one is so cute. My heart can’t take it. They’re so gosh darned precious, with their newspaper and their horoscopes and their welcome invasion of each other’s personal space.)

54. If Only You Were Mine – @somethingscarlet13 (G, the one where Crowley gets so drunk he can’t remember who Aziraphale’s husband is, just that he’s married. This is a little sugar shot for your day, folks—short, sweet, silly, and did I mention sweet? It is so worth having a giggle at drunk Crowley’s expense, please do read it.)

55. Cupboard Love – @copperplatebeech (T, the one where Crowley is a cranky snek. I would also highly recommend this for folks who enjoy Madam Tracy, especially Madam Tracy being utterly unaffected by being face-to-face with the supernatural and cooing over things like the wonderful lady she is. Fun and a little silly and a lot adorable.)

56. affirmation, appreciation – pearlwaldorf (G, the one where Aziraphale helps someone in need a little differently than expected. This one has Aziraphale taking on the persona of an interested male party looking to pick up the spirits of a woman on the tail end of a messy divorce and Crowley understanding but still getting a little jealous. It’s so sweet and so lovely, both what Aziraphale and Crowley do for this poor woman and how Aziraphale reassures Crowley afterwards. Top notch.)

57. Forget-Me-Not – @dietraumerei (T, the one where Crowley gets amnesia. Not as dramatic as others, he just loses 200 years and it’s temporary, but it’s ever so sweet, watching Crowley fall back in love with the modern world and be gobsmacked that he and Aziraphale are finally together. There’s a lot of reassurance and tender sweet nothings thrown about and I’m pretty sure I developed a heart condition just from reading this, it’s too good.)

58. They Shake The Mountains When They Dance – @copperbadge (T, the one where Crowley finds Aziraphale’s scar. Operating on the theory that Aziraphale was injured in the War in Heaven and that’s why he clutches his leg and limps when he’s discorporated, this is the sappiest, sweetest rumination on the subject I have ever read. Crowley gets so protective and defensive, and Aziraphale is so gentle in talking him down. On the whole, it’s just wonderful and so, so cute. Omg.)

59. Familiar Care – ginger_mosaic (G, the one where the Ineffable Dads have to take their snabies in for medical help. This comes from the Wiggleverse, which on the whole I cannot strongly recommend enough, but this fic in particular centers around the most delightful OC veterinarian who handles Crowley and Aziraphale’s strange family very well. There’s also a fun twist at the end, so absolutely keep reading to find out what that is. And also, immerse yourself in adorable snake baby shenanigans, because they are the best sort.)

TOUCH-STARVED/BODY WORSHIP/WINGS

60. Rituals (or the Seven Layer Bean Dip Approach to Sex) – SleepySelfLoathing (T, the one where no seriously metaphysical angel/demon sex is super weird. Fans of truly esoteric ethereal/occult mating rituals rejoice, for this is your new home. It’s abstract but no less beautiful for it, I think; the imagery and emotional accompaniment are all lovely, even if they don’t meet conventional human romance standards. You can really tell that it means a lot to Crowley and Aziraphale, the ways they show how much they love each other. A weird and delectable little dish, by all accounts.)

61. Under Pressure – @copperplatebeech (M, the one where Crowley steals kisses. M for sensuality and body worship but nothing too explicit; also could be construed as dubcon kissing, for those of you sensitive to that. Hhhgkk y’all. Crowley thinks he’s being sly getting away with smooching Aziraphale throughout history while they’re both drunk off their rockers but does not count on Aziraphale actually remembering, and then once the Apocalypse is done with and they’re On Their Own Side and Can Aknowledge These Things…well. They do. Crowley is a mess and Aziraphale is a mess and they love each other so much. The writing is so tender and I’m CRYING.)

62. London Calling – forthegreatergood (G, the one with slow-burn wing grooming. There’s so much crammed into this bad boy and it balances it admirably—Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale, Crowley’s relationship with Hell, Crowley thinking about retirement, Crowley getting preemptively banned from a certain European country for being a pest outside of its consulate, Crowley losing his cool over getting to touch Aziraphale’s wings. Humor, aching tenderness, the kind of longing that feels like a high, quavering violin note, tension and release. A beautiful piece.)

63. Elmie’s Ineffable Fireplace Fics – @almaasi (G, M, M, the series that is completely unrelated except for the physical and also figurative appearances of warm fireplaces. M for sensuality but nothing explicit. The first two are mainly short fluff; the third is a long Regency-esque AU with some gender and sexuality shenanigans on top of Real Danger and Intrigue. True to the writer’s promise, all three fics are pretty comfortable and warm, even if the third has some action and tension. They’re absolutely lovely, imo.)

64. The Hands Applauded (And This Was No Sin) – @ticketybye (G, the one where Crowley as a preoccupation with Aziraphale’s hands. Deals with both touch-starvation and touch-aversity in the same fic and weirdly enough it works. The fic is heartbreaking but it has a good resolution and that’s important.)

65. Moult – @sameoldsorceress (T, the one where Aziraphale molts and Crowley doesn’t. This is typical wing-grooming fare…right up until it isn’t. I won’t spoil the twist but rest assured that there is absolutely a twist. Other than that, it’s supportive and sweet and lovely and lord knows we all could use some of that right now.)

66. never get to heaven on a night like this – RestlessWanderings (G, the series where the Ineffable Wives are touch-starved and pining. The only reason this fic goes here instead of in Jaunts Through History is because especially in Crowley’s side of the story, the touch starvation is so horrifically visceral I very nearly bought myself a weighted blanket out of sympathy stress. They are both so afraid and so desperate for a bit of connection, the pining is absolutely ridiculous. And it helps that there’s worldbuilding there that’s both thematically appropriate and interesting to read. Engendered by lesbianism and catholic guilt, I believe the author said, and in this case what a delicious combination with an absolutely amazing ending.)

67. Strength in Modesty – flandersmare (T, the one where Aziraphale has a secret wardrobe. Y’all. I have a special love-hate relationship with clothes and my body and this fic somehow felt very soothing on both of those fronts. Corsetry is front and center, and it’s all very well-researched and well-presented. The story is so quiet and understated and is really told through excellent sensory details. The ending about broke my heart for tenderness. It’s a double love letter to Aziraphale and to fashion throughout history and I love it.)

BONUS

68. Tales of the Them – @lyricwritesprose (G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are the Them’s godparents, too. This is such a fun series, with a lot of stories that are not just funny in bits, but also meaningful. For fans of the Them and people who like stories about children that aren’t dumbed-down or grimdark.)

69. Stans in High Places – @doomed-spectacles (G, the one where there’s someone in the Earth Observation department keeping an eye on Crowley and Aziraphale. Another take on the angel(s) in charge of Earth Observation, this time featuring a singular angel called Grigori, and boy is he a cutie. His friendship with fellow angel Pravuil is also blossoming and sweet throughout, and the amount of innocent cuteness throughout is just spectacular. What an adorable story.)

70. Anthony J Crowley, Retired Demon and AirBnB Superhost – @theoldaquarian (G, the one where Crowley turns his flat into an AirBnB. Told as if reading a comment section, it is hilarious and paints a horrid picture of what interacting with Crowley—and Aziraphale!—is like for normal humans. I can’t give you any more details than that, you are just going to have to read it and laugh your head off about it like I did.)

71. A Guide to Fame for the Enterprising Demon – @asideofourown (T, the one where Crowley writes a book and accidentally becomes a queer icon. This is…so funny. And so sweet. And like most fics where human bystanders try to piece together what’s happening and come away with completely wrong conclusions, it’s utterly charming. You almost start rooting for the internet conspiracy theorists trying to unearth what exactly Crowley is from his (presumably) evasive or strange answers to interview questions.)

72. Hell Of An Angel – WaitingToBeBroken (T, the one where everyone thinks Crowley is a mafia family. This one is funny in a dramatic irony way; the way that every narrator in this is CONVINCED that Crowley is A. a family of redheads that all look eerily similar, and B. extremely dangerous, is entertaining all on its own. It helps that the writing is smooth and the characters are all fairly engaging, too. A fun little diversion for your day.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

73. the only one i want – @qorktrees (T, the one where Crowley needs some convincing. The hurt in this one is real, folks. But so is the comfort. At last steps are taken to assure Crowley of how much he is wanted, of how much his love is cherished and his touch desired. If you cry while reading this, congrats and welcome to the club, we are all miserable touch-starved fools here.)

74. Always One More Time – boughofawillowtree (T, the one where Aziraphale has remaining psychological scars from Heaven. This one is tough, y’all, real tough. Aziraphale has a couple of abusive flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and his anxiety flaring up is a constant, so people sensitive to that should take heed. That said, this is a very healing fic, with a lot of underlying hurt that floats to the surface. But throughout Crowley does his best to be patient and understanding and even with a disagreement, it remains gentle and loving throughout.)

75. Smote and smitten – @nohaijiachi (G, the one where Aziraphale is a badass and we are ALL here for it. Screaming Hastur, briefly-sentient flaming swords, Aziraphale being amazing, and starry-eyed Crowley are all the ingredients chosen to make a wonderful little fic, and we are all grateful for it. What a guy, that Aziraphale.)

76. Nearly Romeo and Juliet – bisexual_dumbass (T, the one where Crowley’s hiding his panic attacks. This one hurts, friends. This one has miscommunications and fear and boundary communication, all while being so tense even the gentlest touch will snap something. It’s got learning to take care of yourself and value yourself and live FOR yourself. It is very important and I hope a lot of you read it because gosh dang.)

77. Pigeon Girlfriends With A Long Preamble – SleepySelfLoathing (T, the one that’s exactly what it says on the tin. This fic has it all: humor! Torture! Terrible humans! Wrathful Aziraphale! Pain and suffering! Tenderness and care! Pigeon girlfriends! The Hurt and the Comfort are present in about equal measure, but fair warning that what Crowley is made to do just before his rescue is more than a little disturbing, both to readers and especially to Crowley.)

#good omens #good omens fic recs #mega gomens fic rec list #mega fic rec list #whoof #probably take a break for a bit #then start work on six and seven's reviews #and maybe start on compiling eight #why do y'all write so much fic #why is it all so good

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katarina-elaine · 4 years ago

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I’ve been busy with Adult Things and didn’t know it was up yet...so of course, when I saw this message, I nearly sprayed hot tea all over my computer screen as I scrambled to go look! Since we weren’t told too much about Alastor in the pilot episode of the show, I knew that the comic would likely tell us a lot more about his personality, as the other comic did an excellent job of sort of slowing things down and zooming in to focus on Angel Dust’s character. This made me VERY excited about the Alastor comic...and I am far from disappointed. @iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife, you probably weren’t looking for a lengthy ramble about the comic, but friend, thAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET!! (I’ll be nice to everyone who doesn’t care about my thoughts by putting this under a read more, I went completely friggin’ feral over m’boi, my eyes have been blessed)

I adore the detail of the first three pages. I also find it hilarious that Alastor is legit just vibin’, and everyone else is dodging out of the way like “N O P E”. Even the worker at the cafe is just like “why tf did this walking nightmare on speed have to visit on my shift?!” There are no words to describe the way I felt upon seeing Alastor just sitting at the table reading a newspaper, I made the most embarrassing noise b/c I am soft!! I just really want Good Things for our best boi?!

The bit with the birds was...something. I thought it was precious that Alastor shared with them, but later on I just sort of narrowed my eyes at him, b/c it’s totally possible that he knew what would happen and couldn’t resist a bit of violent entertainment. One could also argue that he hoped they’d just share the egg, as he does walk out shortly after the one bird decides to wreck ALL the things (RIP that poor employee’s peaceful morning). However, I wouldn’t put it past Alastor to stir things up and then just walk away. He didn’t even close the hell hole he made in the pilot when he crushed Sir Pentious, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I need to know what’s up with the roses. Does every flower that manages to grow in hell instantly wilt? Does Alastor just have that effect on people flowers? Did he make it wilt, and if so, why? Is Alastor just having a hecken exasperating morning b/c it’s hell and disappointment and agitation will always be in the forecast? I also wheezed with laughter when the other sinners literally noped away in the middle of Alastor saying hello. Poor boi cannot get an uninterrupted introduction to save his life! ~That must get rather lonely~ 8) On the other hand, he seems to be very well-known and accepted in the cannibal colony! It’s good to know he has friends...and fangirls. That group is an entire MOOD! I would totally fight the lucky lady who caught Alastor’s hat. I find it slightly tragic that we didn’t see him wearing that hat though, because I will always need to see him wearing a hat that adjusts for his antlers and ears (they are ears, I will never believe otherwise). The person playing sax on the street is so beautiful?? I cry?? Also, bless Alastor for tossing the guy a coin. “All hat and no cattle!” Alastor. Sweetheart. Darling. Baby boi. *cries for a long time b/c he’s such a dork and I flippin’ adore him* Also, Alastor cursing was oddly amusing? All Vox did was be a showoff, but Alastor friggin mutters to himself for what looks like at least a few city blocks? Like?? Calm down, sweet pea, you’re undoubtedly giving Vox exactly what he wants, and that glorified box of static didn’t even have to work for it! The panel on page eleven where we see Alastor mid-step confirms that he is one very lanky boi! I would also like to know how often he glows?? We saw him glow a few times in the pilot, but it doesn’t seem like the light is always there. Maybe the glow is involuntary and is connected to his emotions, such as being overly agitated/excited? Of course, it could just be another intimidation tactic (mission accomplished on that last one, babe, you can stop being a firefly now). Also, I am hecken annoyed on Alastor’s behalf, hE JUST WANTED TO GET SOME FOOD AND NEARLY GOT ATTACKED INSTEAD?? HE LITERALLY DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG?! I know it’s hell, and to be fair, I would probably prefer to be armed against someone who was notorious for being *gestures toward Alastor entering hell and forcing people to take notice of his badassery* Like That, but it’s not exactly good business, now IS IT?! “I want fresh meat, not bubble gum!” Okay, listen...I love this man. A lot. This line? Perfection. Alastor both amused me and gave a perfect description of so many disappointing cuts of meat I’ve had to practically dissect before consuming. 11/10 would trust Alastor to do my shopping. I was NOT expecting Alastor to be so polite?? Even after the butcher clearly makes a move to attack Alastor when his back is turned, Alastor basically just gives a passive-aggressive (and probably very static-filled) warning, lets the incident slide, and thanks the guy for his service?! He even held the door open for the lil sheep bab, I cry!! Too bad the sheep is likely terrified of him now. On that note...the last panel on page fifteen. I am LIVING for that panel. Say what you will, but with consent, I would definitely still smooch the murdeer while he looked like that. It also shows that, contrary to what I had originally thought, Alastor’s ultimate spooky look isn’t just a slightly elongated (and antlered) version of how he looks while crushing Pentious. Apparently his eyes and mouth turn into oozing black voids of death! *cackles* I am so very glad the comic came out before I wrote certain scenes for my fanfics...and I hope Alastor enjoys his meal! >8) This does make me wonder whether complete dismemberment (such as being torn/blown to pieces or having your body squashed) truly kills sinners, as I wouldn’t think this would be all that difficult to accomplish or even all that rare. For example, the guy in the pilot who snatched the drugs from Angel likely got smeared into paste by that falling debris. Is he double-dead now, or will his body veeeery slowly regenerate? If it’s that easy to truly die in hell, why would heavenly weapons be such a big deal? Is it just that they can kill someone with less effort? We really need a list of ways that sinners can permanently die or at least a brief explanation of the rules, it’s one of the few things that’s seriously bugging me! I’m gonna be rereading this comic for ages, especially since we get so many lovely shots of Alastor. Do I technically have the time to do so amidst work and grad school? No! Am I going to do it anyway? Yes!

#I'm dying here y'all #glorious content of m'boi #my eyes have been BLESSED #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor comic

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punk-tozier · 5 years ago

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Social Media famous Eddie and Bill au (part 1)

(Reddie/Stenbrough)

Part 2 Part 3

- okay so, if Tik Tok/Vine was around in the 80s you all know for a fact the losers would be all over that shit

- Richie LOVES making stupid videos of him yelling random shit, doing stupid stuff and pranking the others

- and Bev join in with Richie 90% of the time with the stupid videos

- they don’t get many views though, they have maybe 12 loyal followers

- but Eddie and Bill are the real famous ones

- Bill loves to make horror themed videos, like the ones you see with fake blood and spooky edits

- He also loves to tell horror stories/write short horror films

- Every week he does a story time where he tells a creepy story

- it’s either something he and the losers have witnessed or just something he made up

- the losers also star in his films, they’re all semi decent actors

- except Richie, he’s not allowed to be in them anymore because he can’t take himself seriously

- Stan thinks it’s stupid but loves his director boyfriend too much to say no

- All of Bill’s fans love Stan and quote the shit he says often

- on more than one occasion on Bill’s live shows the viewers get to overheard the best conversations between the losers

- this is because Bill likes to stream whenever they’re all at the club house because it produces the best content

- ‘Stanley why the fuck have you labelled everything in here’

- ‘I had a meltdown last week and that’s how it is now’

- Which was the first of many quotes Bill’s fans have stolen

- others include

- ‘Shut the fuck up before I end everyone in this room and then myself’

- and

- ‘Im friends with the biggest idiots in the world, HOW AM I NOT DEAD YET’

- let’s just say Stans a favourite in the Bill Denbrough community

- The viewers also have a conspiracy that Stan and Bill are dating, they are but they find it hilarious to see people argue about it

- ‘L-Look, someone in the chat said I’m obviously dating Eddie because of how much we make videos together

- ‘HAHAHA really? okay, tell Richie that’

- ‘Everyone now wants to know who R-richie is, look what you’ve done Stanley’

- Eddie has more fans than Bill so that comment obviously caused an uproar

- Eddie makes cute soft videos like outfit videos (he’s a Pastel queen) and aesthetic videos

- he also tells funny stories of the losers often

- ‘So today I was convinced to jump of a cliff’

- ‘Heres the story of how I got stuck in a hammock for 5 hours’

- ‘Today I want to tell you guys about the time Bill got stuck in a mirror maze’

- however most of his followers are just there too adore how cute he is

- Richie likes to also post comments about how adorable he is because he loves his cute as fuck boyfriend too much

- ‘Wow you are the cutest human ever’

- once in one of his aesthetic videos he had a short clip of him holding hands with Richie but the video just showed their hands

- This caused 50% of his fans to get jealous and the other 50% get super excited

- Richie also commented on that video

- ‘your boyfriend is so lucky’

- Eventually the amount of comments asking who Richie is got annoying so he posted a photo of them both

- the photo was one that Bev took of them holding hands but the shot was from behind so people still didn’t know exactly what Richie looks like

- this was 100% because Richie is insecure and doesn’t want to get bullied by jealous fans

- the photo got a lot of comments

- mainly people commenting about their height difference as Richie is 6’1 and Eddie is 5’6

- Bill also commented saying ‘omg I wonder who that could be lol’

- Which was a mistake on Bill’s part as he also began getting comments asking what eddies boyfriend looks like

- It got annoying fast so eventually Eddie managed to convince Richie to be in a video

- The video was basically a compilation of stupid shit Richie has done

- the video included but wasn’t limited too

- Richie falling out of the hammock at the club house

- The time he forgot his glasses and walked into a lamp post

- Him shouting ‘SUP FUCKERS’ whilst jumping down the stairs at the club house and immediately falling over

- Richie yelling ‘aaaaa’ whilst running to Eddie and hugging him with Eddie saying ‘I haven’t seen you for ONE day it’s not that dramatic’

- Eddies fans went from obsessing over him to obsessing over his boyfriend in a matter of hours

- Eddie likes to live stream in his bedroom and often does live Q&As

- the questions are usually about the losers because many of his and Bill’s fans are in love with the group as a whole but only get to watch them through Bill and Eddie

- so the questions are things like

- ‘What is Beverly’s social media’

- ‘Are Stan and Bill dating’

- ‘Is Mike a vegan’

- He often gets asked about Richie as well who is usually doing something stupid in Eddie’s room or sleeping

- ‘Richie someone asked you why you stuck duck tape to your arm last week’

- cue the camera panning to Richie standing on Eddie’s desk chair and trying to spin

- ‘It was funny and now my arm is SMOOTH AS FUCK’

- ‘HEY someone asked you how you get your hair so fluffy’

- this time the camera pans to Richie sleeping with his head on Eddie’s chest

- ‘??..blow dryer?’

AGAIN with the spelling mistakes, I’m sorry I have d y s l e x i a

Please add more, l love reading your additions

Also please request themes/aus, I love writing but have 0 ideas xoxo

#it chapter 2 #richie tozier #the losers #reddie headcanons #reddie #stenbrough headcanons #stenbrough #guess who actually posted something #wow

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amaya777 · 4 years ago

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The Mad Mummies | A Twisted Wonderland OC Oneshot

TwstOBer 26. Octavinelle - Sander and Octavinelle

Since this theme is Octavinelle, I definitely wanted to write about Sander and Octavinelle during this Halloween event. I was imagining how they could go over the top with their mad scientist setup, to really terrify the visitors and so I came up with this fun little thing, even if it’s at the expense of poor Sander.

Warning: Blood (fake), chainsaw

------------------------------------

“Coming right up!”

Sander called out as he was running around, serving food and drinks to all the visitors in the Monstro Lounge. It was extremely busy since today is the one day everyone was looking forward to, Halloween. Those from outside the school get to come visit and take part in the stamp rally, checking out all of the different themed setups of each dorm.

Azul and Jade ended up choosing the theme of Octavinelle’s costumes as mummies and the theme of their setup being a mad scientist’s lab. Sander was very surprised to have found out days before that everyone has to wear the costume, so while it meant not wearing what he had planned to, he didn’t mind as he wore it like everyone else in the dorm. It wasn’t that far off since this mummy costume is mostly white and he loved the hat with the cute bow that had the bone on it. But the straps and harness were confusing, knowing that these were supposed to be stylish outfits but wondered what was the point of them as Azul had to help him put them on.

After what felt like hours of serving the special Halloween-themed menu to nonstop customers, it got to a point where it wasn’t so busy at least for right now. Sander sighed, relaxing for a bit and smiling as he saw Azul came over.

“Are you doing okay? Thanks to all these visitors and our new menu just for today, this has been our busiest day yet. We definitely needed all the help that we could get.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m glad that I could help, especially today when the Monstro Lounge would be busier than usual. Night Raven really does go all out with Halloween and Octavinelle is no exception.”

Sander had gotten a glimpse at the campus decorated all over, seeing all the happy visitors in costumes along with other students in their dorm costumes too. Even the Monstro Lounge was decorated with jack-o-lanterns and spooky items, the foods and drinks going along with the Halloween and mad scientist theme too.

“Of course, we just had to make full use of that limited budget to really get the highest quality costumes and the best setup possible. We were even able to get cheaper maintenance work for the lounge out of it too.”

“That’s great. You’re so good with money and negotiations,” Sander said back as Azul chuckled and gave a smirk.

“Thank you. Tell me, what do you normally dress up as for Halloween?”

There was the question Sander had expected, a little nervous at revealing an embarrassing thing to Azul.

“Oh, I usually dress up as an angel.”

“Seriously? With wings and a halo too?”

“Y-Yeah. They help people and are what people become when they go to Heaven.”

Sander blushed a bit before seeing Azul laugh, thinking that he was making fun of him. But then he was surprised to feel the other hug and give him a peck on the cheek.

“You really are too sweet, a perfect angel. But you’re my little angel after all. Don’t ever change.”

Sander blushed even more, hearing Azul call him his angel as he hugged the other back. But then there was a cough as Jade came walking up to them.

“Azul, we have the mannequin ready for tonight. But we still need someone to help with the other thing too,” Jade had said before glancing at Sander and then back to Azul with a little smirk. Azul thought about it, now giving a smile of his own.

“Sander, do you think you could help us? We planned on having a little demonstration in the workshop when it gets dark to really scare the visitors, but we need a volunteer to be part of it.”

“Yeah, of course I’ll help! What do I need to do?”

“Nothing really, it’s quite simple. When it gets closer to time, we’ll have you change and show you what to do.”

Sander nodded back, agreeing to it and curious as to what he would be doing. But for now, it was back to work as more customers came into the Monstro Lounge again. After some more time passed, the sun had set and it was time for him to get ready. Azul took Sander to the bathrooms close to the workshop and had him change into a hospital gown. While odd, he didn’t think anything of it since it was a mad scientist theme. From there, he was brought to the workshop where Jade stood there and told him to lay down on the table. Sander nodded, getting on and laying down on the table, only to see Jade placing large straps over him and tying those tightly as he couldn’t move.

“S-So what am I supposed to do now?”

“Just lay there and give your most genuine reactions, okay?”

Sander was really confused, nodding but wondering what he meant by giving his most genuine reactions. He watched as Jade left the room, turning down the lights to be barely lit before seeing the water tank light up. He almost screamed when he saw someone inside of it, their mouth open in a scream only to realize that it was fake since he was close. That’s a relief, that must be the mannequin Jade talked about.

But the eerie green light coming off the tank in this dark room was starting to freak him out, wanting to know how long he would be like this. Then he could hear the visitors come in, standing there as they saw him and the one in the tank. He felt really bad, hearing the little kids start to cry and say that this is scary.

It only got worse as Sander was now hearing familiar laughter and then the sound of a chainsaw. Wait, is that who he thinks it is? Sure enough, Floyd came out wearing a lab coat and holding a chainsaw, blood on him and the chainsaw while giving the biggest grin.

“Sandy! Let’s play!”

Sander screamed so loud, struggling a lot as he was watching Floyd get closer and closer to him with that chainsaw. The visitors were screaming too, kids crying really loud and wanting to go home as parents covered their eyes. But that didn’t stop Floyd before he got right up to the table, towering over Sander who was still struggling and screaming. There’s no way he would hurt him with that thing, right?

Floyd laughed even louder, holding the chainsaw up high and then quickly bringing it down while Sander still screamed. The visitors screamed even louder, especially when the room went completely black right before it came down on him as they all ran out of the workshop so fast. Once they were all gone, the lights fully came back on as the chainsaw was off and Floyd was laughing his butt off.

“That was hilarious! You were screaming so much, scaredy Sandy!”

As soon as Jade came over and freed him from the table, Sander ran over to Azul and hugged him tightly, shaking and tears in his eyes. Azul hugged and rubbed his back, comforting him while apologizing for all this. But they needed someone who scares easily and would believe it’s real in order to convince the visitors it was real, scaring them so much too. Of course Crowley came by later and lectured the trio on their demonstration being too gruesome, having gotten complaints about it.

Sander ended up sleeping in Azul’s bed with him, hugging the other and being comforted as he couldn’t sleep without envisioning that scene and Floyd actually killing him. Azul gave him a sleeping potion, holding the boy close before the two had fallen asleep curled up together. The next morning, Azul let Sander have the day off and gave him all the candy, making Floyd apologize to him too.

#TwstOBer #twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #octavinelle oc #twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland #oneshot #fanfic #twisted wonderland scenarios #twisted wonderland fanfics

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nellied-reviews · 5 years ago

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Box 953 Re-listen

Well, I got a bit side-tracked by life (seriously, I had to take an impromptu trip to a consulate!) but I am back, and just in time for episode 8 of Wolf 359:

Box 953

In which Eiffel finds a mysterious box, Hilbert really wants to avoid the quarterly talent show and Minkowski is the very model of a modern major general.

Sometimes I'm surprised by these episodes when I get back round to them. This one? Not so much. I think I actually remembered pretty much everything relevant about this episode, going into it: Eiffel is avoiding Minkowski, finds a mysterious box, the mysterious box gets blown up before we see what’s inside it.

And in general, I do like the episode a lot. It's funny, after all, and it does that thing that I'm noticing a lot on the re-listen where the show throws out a big weird mystery, then ends up dropping it with a theatrical shrug of the shoulders. It's a smart thing to do, because all of the unanswered questions ("Do those transmissions really come from Earth?", "There's a plant monster on the loose!", "What's with that weird voice?", "What's in the box?") could be answered in the future, but could just as easily not be. Sure, some of them are super important and interesting in hindsight. But burying the plot-relevant questions under a heap of less relevant but equally intriguing questions disguises them, and means that we're surprised when something like, say, that weird ghost voice comes back later on. Plus it creates the impression that the Hephaestus itself is a setting full of mysteries and weird things. Which is fun.

As we begin, though, all we know is that Eiffel, for whatever reason, is hiding from Minkowski in a store room. Why? Turns out, Minkowski is worryingly invested in their quarterly talent show, while Eiffel is... less than enthusiastic.

And look, I am easily pleased. The idea of the four crew members being forced to participate in a mandatory talent show is very funny to me. The fact that this is quarterly - and so they have, presumably, already suffered through several of them - makes me smile a lot. Eiffel and Hilbert being united in their dread of it? Awesome. I love it. Honestly, it makes me want to consume and/or write fanfic about the Hephaestus' previous talent shows, and the shenanigans that I just know must have been involved.

An another level, though, can we also stop to appreciate how seriously Minkowski takes it all? It's played for laughs throughout, sure, but I do like the fact that Minkowski is the sort of person to go all out and just unselfconsciously embrace the talent show. Her love of musical theatre is so joyful and pure, and I really appreciate it. I think, on some level, it even makes her a more interesting character; instead of going down the well-trodden "I'm a badass with a secret love of something cheesy, which I'm horribly embarrassed of" route, she goes for "I'm a badass with totally non-secret love of something cheesy, which I am totally open and unashamed of." It's a sign of self-confidence, I think, plus a reassuring reminder that Commander Minkowski, badass extraordinaire, nerds out just as hard as the rest of us. (Plus, you really can't be a fan of G&S and take yourself all that seriously, because come on...)

Anyway, the conversation Minkowski and Eiffel then have, and Eiffel's ensuing log entry is just enough to give some tantalising hints of what past talent shows have involved (smoke rings? poetry readings?) before Hilbert calls Eiffel, desperate to avoid the talent show. And his solution? Knock Minkowski out. Because it's Hilbert, so of course that's the answer. *Sighs*.

While Hilbert gets going with that, then, all that remains is for Eiffel to explore the store room. And while this isn’t super relevant, it is a great excuse for a Night Vale-style list of Improbable Weird Things. And seriously, pretty much every single object here is worthy of mention. We have eyeless Russian dolls straight out of a horror movie. We have letters to Santa, a revelation whose implications are both hilarious and baffling. We have Chekhov's cannon, which totally won't be relevant later in the episode.

And in among all this, Eiffel mentions Goddard Futuristics by name for the very first time, which actually surprised me. I thought they'd already come up, since in hindsight, they really do have their fingers in everything going on up on the Hephaestus, even in the first few episodes. But I guess this is their first official mention? And to be fair, I do remember assuming, early on, that this was a military mission. So this is probably the point where we are aware, for the first time, of the corporate context of it all, and the fact that it's Goddard who are basically running a for-profit private army here. Which is... fun.

The dystopian side of that is brushed aside here, though, in favour of just revelling in the out-there weirdness of all the stuff that Goddard have stored up on the Hephaestus. L-shaped Lego pieces? 3 suits of armour? The partial skull of megafauna specimen 58 "to be handled with a vague feeling of existential dread"? It's Warehouse 13, in space!

It's also kind of heartening to see how excited Eiffel is by all this. Like, I know that he essentially got forced to go to space, but he really does have the sense of adventure for it. There's something very sweet about how not-jaded and enthusiastic Eiffel gets, as soon as he encounters something new. And then the plot thickens when he discovers the titular Box 953, which is reserved for Douglas Eiffel. What could possibly be in it? Eiffel, ever curious, is clearly desperate to know.

Before we find out, of course, we're interrupted by Hilbert, whose plan to knock Minkowski out has hone horribly wrong - he's just gotten her drunk. Even better, we get Minkowski's drunken rendition of "I am the very model of a modern major general" in the background during all of this, and kudos to Emma Sherr-Ziarko, because every single thing drunk!Minkowski says from here on out is amazing. From making pirate costumes, to nearly shooting Hilbert over ice cream, to the little hiccup she does, everything about Minkowski here is perfect and wonderful.

It doesn't distract Eiffel for long, though, and soon he's asking Hera what's in the box. She doesn't know, though, and actually can't access those files at all. Instead, she gets the message "Error, inappropriate security clearance", which is pretty creepy. It's the second time in as many episodes, after all, that we hear somebody who isn't Hera speaking through the Hephaestus, and it's a reminder of just how many secrets the station potentially holds. And so all we learn, in the end, is that Box 953 is weird. It's huge, and bolted in place, and it's cold to the touch. Plus it's making a heart beat kind of sound? It's at this point, I noticed, that the background music also cuts away, and we’re left with a weird crackling noise as Eiffel goes to open it. Spooky.

Every part of me was expecting this to be a Pandora's box-type scenario where Eiffel's opening the box would unleash something terrible and all hell would break loose. So when we hear something explode, it seems like confirmation of this... except when we cut back to Eiffel, several in-universe hours later, we learn that the problem wasn't Eiffel opening the box. In fact, Eiffel didn't manage to open the box; the explosion was from Minkowski setting off the cannon. It seems like a lot happened in the three hour gap in the recording (not least, Minkowski ended with burns and frostbite?) and as a result, Box 953 was lost to the vacuum of space. Bummer.

And then that's it. Episode over. Everyone is safe and well, and the station is fine. But we don't learn what was in the box, and I don't think it really come up again? I googled it, and I think I saw a suggestion that it's the simulation-y machine from Change of Mind? But I don't remember the connection really being commented on, and even then it doesn't explain why it's specifically Eiffel's name on the box now. Like... what situation would Command have been expecting him to use it in? Why? How? So many questions, all of them unanswered!

And I suppose that's fine, at the end of the day. I enjoyed this episode, I loved the talent show idea, and I didn't mind the weird storeroom bits. I can imagine that some people probably felt cheated by the lack of answers we got here - and Eiffel's own anger and frustration as the episode ends maybe feels like a concession to those people. But personally, I'm more than willing to leave it as a riddle for the ages. If this had developed into something more later on, that would have been fun. As it is, I didn't mind it one bit, though. As long as you don't overdo it, weirdness for weirdness' sake can be plenty entertaining.

Plus, drunk Minkowski is a gift to us all :)

Miscellaneous thoughts:

So I checked out the poem that got name-dropped in this episode, Sylvia Plath's Lady Lazarus, and holy smokes, disturbing much? In an interesting kind of way, sure, but still disturbing...

"You can't solve all your problems by knocking them out." "You know, people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away."

D'awww Hilbert is enjoying this, isn't he?

I bet your alcohol tolerance goes way down in space. Hmm...

"Eiffel, you do not understand, there is singing."

"Swashes and buckles, Hilbert, swashes and buckles."

Also, it sounds like Hera has absolutely no objections to the talent show, and is just busy practicing her lines? What a cutie ^-^

"I don't know if it was a warning shot or if she just missed." Scared Hilbert is 100% not what I'm used to.. Is this the most frightened we ever hear him?

Don't think I missed Eiffel finding Dr. Fourier's diary :'( (another thing linking this episode to Change of Mind?)

#wolf 359 #wolf359 #w359 #wolf 359 relisten #box 953 #nellied reviews #a solidly entertaining episode #and pleasantly low-stakes #I would 100% watch a version of Warehouse 13 set in space

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mytastessuck · 4 years ago

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Gorillaz: Gorillaz (2001)

The history of my relationship is a long one...but I don’t like explaining stuff so I’ll keep it brief. I became a fan of the band when I saw a premiere of the “Clint Eastwood” video on Toonami. This could be attributed to the fact that I loved cartoons and I didn’t know there was a bunch of animated music videos back then. But there are. There are a like a ton of animated music videos. Even back then. Even before back then. Did you know one won an Oscar? It was by Tom Waits. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. We’ll get to him later. Anyway, I heard a couple more songs from them around this era but I couldn’t get into them because I was young, stupid and had no money. It actually wasn’t till around the Demon Days era (Phase 2 for us in the know) that I managed to get a hold of this album. My dad is also a fan of this band and gave a special edition version of this album. Thanks to that gesture, I really got back into Gorillaz in a huge way. Looking up lyrics, lore and cameos (these guys did a song with D12. For 9/11. Is The Rap Critic’s Patreon still open? I got a request to make...).

We can get into more details later. Right now, I am going to rate every single song on Gorillaz (2001) US Deluxe Edition. 1. Rehash A nice breezy way to start off the album. Although, to be honest, if you picked this CD up and put it in a player after seeing of Gorillaz’ released singles, you’ll most likely be going, “Did I get the right disc?”. Still, that’s the reason I love the band. They can go into any genre and there is still something there that sounds like them. This song is pretty cool.

Song Score: 8/10

2. 5/4

Now this is what I’m talking about. Classic British Alternative: Uncommon time, indecipherable lyrics, disgust when you figure out what the lyrics are actually saying and a sick bass. This song right here? It justifies the purchase of the whole album. It’s nasty and it’s cool, like Peanut Butter water ice.

Song Score: 10/10

3. Tomorrow Comes Today

Oh my lord, this song. I always have a soft spot for songs that I can pretend I was deep to back in the day. Very slow, very contemplative, very moody...just like a young me. It’s good that they made this their first single because it really showed up what they were capable of.

Song Score: 9/10

4. New Genius (Brother)

Ooooo...spooky. This song is pretty nice for a dark atmosphere and recommended for singing in a bar by with smoking patrons. Also nice of Gorillaz to give us the Stranger Danger spiel without sounding completely lame about it.

Song Score: 8/10

5. Clint Eastwood

AWWW SHIT MUTHAFUCKERS, HERE WE GO! This is the song that I obsessed over for a decade of my life. I sucked the entire life out of this song to the point that I skip over it in some playlists because it has nothing left to offer me. Still, I objectively love this song and I appreciate it for introducing to this band and for introducing me to Del Tha Funkee Homosapien. Seriously, how was I supposed to live the rest of my life without knowing a guy was capable of bars like that? This song fucks.

Song Score: 10/10

6. Man Research (Clapper)

I think I can blame this song for me getting into Electronica at a later age. High-pitched voices, nice beats, the feeling that I’m in a lab watching people being experimented on...everything a good track needs. This song was really fun to sing out loud to myself when I was younger. Probably one of the things that made my neighbors call my sanity into question.

Song Score: 10/10

7. Punk

Fuck yeah. Gorillaz was slaughtering some bands before they even got of their crib with tribute to the genre. Don’t bother with the lyrics because the words just basically become another instrument on this track and boy are the instruments on their loudest display here. I can only hear a dude telling his mom to shut up on it anyway.

Song Score: 9/10

8. Sound Check (Gravity)

Gotta admit, didn’t really appreciate this song when I was younger. It felt like the pieces were there but it didn’t come together into something of substance. Now that I’m older, I...am still of the same opinion. I like the breakdown but I feel like the high-pitched voice has been played out at this point in the album.

Song Score 7/10

9. Double Bass

Ah, an instrumental. Probably one of the first ones I listened to on repeat. I love the string work on this and the accompanying beats. Really good music to chill to...if you ignore that one line.

Song Score: 9/10

10. Rock The House

Hey, it’s our old friend Del! I was pleasantly surprised to see him on another track, kicking ass to a set of nice pan flutes. Man, this song ruled. But I can only listen to the album version. The music video version censors ass crack. Ass crack! How conservative can you get?! Luckily, Gorillaz never ran into this problem again.

Song Score: 10/10

11. 19-2000

I remember this album being the first time I heard the original version of this song instead of the Soulchild Remix. Obviously, I had to prefer this version because the original version is always the best. At least, that’s the way I thought back then. Nowadays...

THEY BOTH SOUND NICE!

But I do have a special place in my heart for this song. I like the woman in the background. Adds an ethereal quality to the song.

Song Score: 9/10

12. Latin Simone (Que Pasa Condigo?)

The first time I heard this, I was like, “Why is this song in Spanish?” This is because I listened to the G Sides album first (more on that next week). But the more I listened, the more I preferred it to the English version. This guy sings like he’s before an auditorium and he wants the people outside to hear him. Funny story: I tried to play this song for my Spanish class but my speakers didn’t work for them to hear it. Sucks for them.

Song Score: 11/10

13. Starshine

This is probably my least favorite song on the album. Just melancholy for the sake of melancholy. Kind of bothers me how there’s no substance to it I can find...nice instrumental though.

Song Score: 6/10

14. Slow Country

My second least favorite song on the album. Usually I like discordant noises in a song but the amateur piano with the honks...don’t really do it for me. Nice mumbling at the end though. Never change, Damon.

Song Score: 7/10

15. M1A1

I remember the first time I watched Day of the Dead and during the beginning I kept going, “WHEN THE GUITAR COME IN?!”. I know, I know, I’m hilarious. Especially when I’m by myself. But seriously, not even factoring in nostalgia, this is the best track on the album. Great song, great singing, awesome fucking solo. The only thing better than M1A1 on this album is M1A1 live.

Song Score: 12/10

16. Dracula

You know that when I heard the sound bite from this track, I thought it was from the original movie? It’s not. It’s from fucking Looney Tunes. Damn. Egg on my face. Anyway, I love the goofiness of this track. It tries to sound dark and scary but it’s like that nice goth kid in your class who always pick Edgar Allan Poe as his Powerpoint topic. Good kid, great song.

Song Score: 8/10

17. Left Hand Suzuki Method

FEEL THE IMPACT

And I did. Like a wise man once said, I don’t need drugs to enjoy this track, just to enhance my enjoyment of it. And you know what? I don’t want to enhance it. This shit sounds good by itself. See, Slow Country? This is how you mix in things that don’t sound good together and make them sound good together. You know what that track needs? Japanese children talking. That improves everything.

Song Score: 9/10

18. 19-2000 (Soulchild remix)

And the head honcho themself, one of the first Gorillaz songs I listened to. Man, this shit slaps like Dave Grohl in a Michael Gondry video. Whenever I heard this song when I was a kid, I was thinking about it all week. It just sounds so sunny, so uplifting, like something you should be listening to on an amusement park ride. Fuck, this track is tight.

Song Score: 10/10

19. Clint Eastwood (Ed Case and Sweetie Irie remix)

...

...Is it too late to change my least favorite track on the album choice yet?

Okay, Slow Country was on the original album so it can keep its title. This track is the worst track of all the bonus ones. It’s just...they were onto something with the breakdown but the goofy reggae singing and the way too fast to enjoy beat? Just rubs me the wrong way. Ugh, and now I’m thinking of Laika already...

Song Score: 5/10

Album Score: 8.8/10

Join me next week as I review G-Sides. It’s gonna resemble fun!

#gorillaz #music #review

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