#no amount of nuance or sensitivity will ever be enough for these people!!!!

[musical-chick-13]

Also (and trust me, I know this isn't the point, this is why I am making a separate post and not tagging it as anything, the focus should 100000% be on the victims), as someone who is currently writing A Complicated Story about a really thorny topic where two characters navigate that topic in a way that is. Probably not going to make sense to people and also gross a lot of people out...

Not a fan of this idea that that is inherently suspect and makes me a predator/abuser! I already see this shit based on the way people act toward bisexual women and how more people on the more extreme end of human behavior misunderstand OCD! And while I am (thankfully) at the point where I can shrug those things off now, there are plenty of other people who can't.

Like, yes, this is incredibly annoying, and I would very much love to not be assumed to be the worst kind of person alive based on literally nothing, but it's really not...out of concern for me, even. It's for the 19-year old with OCD who doesn't have anyone they can talk to and thinks they're a monster. It's for the struggling trans woman (especially trans WOC) who is told at every turn by her conservative or exclusionary community that she is inherently unsafe by virtue of existing. It's for the black person who is assumed to be dangerous based on nothing but their identity. It's for the CSA victim who doesn't have the vocabulary to describe what's happening to them and sees writing it out as the only way to make sense of it. I'm not going to tell those people they have to police themselves in regard to the art they make so they can prove they're "not a stereotype" and "one of the good ones," what the fuck kind of right would I have to do that?????

[aszles]

since my first pinned post had a tierlist of csm characters, i decided to redo it as a tierlist of Fujimoto works instead! (i had only read csm when i made this sideblog) it's a lot less ever-changing so i feel a bit safer keeping something like this at the top of my blog lol...

within the tiers there is no specific order, they're just the things i happened to put in first. if you wanna make one here's the template! (made by yours truly)

because i'm a nerd you can read my opinions about each work below the cut~

S TIER

Chainsaw Man - i mean, csm is just awesome. in all honesty, this manga has changed my life. i KNOW that sounds silly and corny but it's genuinely true. i have been able to get past a lot of my struggles and develop so much as a person since starting this manga. as a fun bonus i feel like i've finally started improving my art again (or at least changing it enough to feel fresh) after like 3 years. i can't really describe how much csm has done for me, but if i had told myself from 2021 that this would happen i would never believe it (especially because i had written off this series for some personal reasons...lol) but yeah. i think i'll forever be grateful for what Chainsaw Man has done for me.

Look Back - i think Look Back is seriously the best piece of media i have ever experienced. i don't think i have ever seen a story so beautifully crafted as this manga, it made me sob when i read it. i remember having to move the manga away from myself so i wouldn't get tears on it. at the time of writing this i am SO SO excited to watch the movie, whenever that will be. i will cry and throw up watching that thing LOL.

Nayuta of the Prophecy - ok maybe i don't TECHNICALLY believe this is an S tier work, but Nayuta is just such a lovable character that i can't possibly rank her any lower. Fujimoto was right to adapt her into csm because she deserves it!! however despite that, this oneshot is the only one that i genuinely wish he would make a sequel to. i think oneshot Nayuta and csm Nayuta are pretty different, so they still don't feel like the same character - i would love to see oneshot Nayuta's personality and relationship with her brother continue to develop!

A TIER

Sisters - one of the few other works i had heard anything about before i started exploring Fujimoto's other stuff, and i definitely felt apprehensive about it. but wow, the fact that Fujimoto is able to take the concept of "girl non-consensually paints her sister naked and it gets displayed on the school wall for everyone to see" and NOT make it weird is crazy! a sweet oneshot that i enjoyed, and love the nuance that was able to be created in such a short amount of time.

Woke-Up-as-a-Girl Syndrome - a really cute take on a silly trope that can often be handled... oddly. i love how much the characters in this really feel like teenagers, doing stupid things but being completely earnest all the while. (Spoilers) i really like how it ends with Toshihide being adamant that he is still male, and also Rie still loving him as he is. very sweet!

Love is Blind - it's no wonder Fujimoto won an honourable mention for this, it's such an adorable and funny oneshot. i was giggling the whole time reading it! i don't really have much to say about it, but i definitely enjoyed it.

Fire Punch - i don't really know where to start with Fire Punch, but wow. it is seriously so impressive to me how good Fujimoto is at tackling such sensitive topics, not shying away from them while also clearly not glorifying them. i also think a big place where Fire Punch shines is character relationships, especially Agni and Togata. they fucked me UPPPPP. it goes off the rails a bit near the end, but i also never got the feeling that it WASN'T what Fujimoto intended with this series. i may not quite get the ending, but it didn't ruin anything for me and i think the rest of Fire Punch is really good at what it does. plus the art is AWESOME ?????

B TIER

Goodbye, Eri - ohhh people might not like me for this one... i'm sorry guys, i just honestly didn't get this manga. i'll definitely reread in the future (me and my sister still haven't finished our sticky notes to read it blurry/clear) but for now i can't rank it any higher. i didn't feel much reading it, and the ending definitely confused me a lot lol. love the art though!

Shikaku - this one's interesting! i thought the story was quite cute, and Shikaku herself is completely adorable. though Yugeru is ummm... not my type let's say. i also do wonder if Makima took any inspiration from Shikaku - she looks similar to her, which to be fair for Fujimoto works probably doesn't mean much (as a lot of his character's look similar to each other /pos), but a clearer comparison is both characters presenting eyeballs they stole from people. (also... if Makima is inspired by Shikaku, is Barem then inspired by Yugeru? yuck) anyways just my speculation, back to the point. the reason this doesn't make its way into A tier is because to me it doesn't really feel like a Fujimoto work? i'm not sure why, but yeah.

C TIER

Mermaid Rhapsody - this one's definitely cute, but as a result of Fujimoto trying to create a "normal story" it unfortunately loses all of the charm of Fujimoto works!! i want it to be weird and fucked up damnit!!!!! though he did succeed in his goal of creating a normal story, so i can't complain too much lol.

Sasaki Stopped a Bullet - i don't have anything against this oneshot, but i think it just doesn't particularly appeal to me. unfortunately nothing in this story grabbed me

D TIER

A Couple Clucking Chickens Were Still Kickin' in the Schoolyard - it's no real surprise this is here, considering it's Fujimoto's first work. overall it was pretty cute, but i'm not all that into aliens..? not much to say lol

if you read all this then thank you >_o

[kanansdume]

I think it honestly just depresses me that Qui-Gon has become this character that fandom either turns into a saint or a villain. He's either this perfect "Gray Jedi" who is more enlightened than anybody else ever who can do no wrong, or he's an abusive selfish monster too focused on being right all the time to care about anybody but himself.

And it's too bad, because Qui-Gon is honestly one of my favorite characters. TPM was the first Star Wars film I ever saw, and part of why I will defend that film with my life is because of how much I enjoy Qui-Gon as a character. Yes, he's unorthodox sometimes. Yes, he takes risks. Yes, he can be kind-of an arrogant bastard sometimes. But he's hardly a villain or a monster or some kind of incompetent buffoon. Qui-Gon trusts his instincts and the Force above nearly all else, which allows him to make split-second decisions that he doesn't even entirely understand himself. He doesn't know exactly how things will turn out, but he trusts that it'll eventually work out so long as he keeps following his own instincts and letting the Force guide him to what he should be doing.

And that's SUCH an interesting character with really unique motivations! THAT'S what he means when he says to live in the here and now, to just trust that things will eventually work out if you keep following your instincts and the Force's will if you can hear it. Don't overthink it too much to the point that you talk yourself out of doing the right thing, even if you don't know why it's the right thing yet.

For people who aren't Force sensitive and who don't have that kind of connection to the Force, I imagine working with Qui-Gon could be immensely frustrating because he's so often doing things that SHOULDN'T work out for him and seem completely contradictory to his goals sometimes and maybe even entirely crazy, but then they just KEEP working out. A few hours, days, maybe even years later, Qui-Gon gets the last laugh. Imagine how frustrating that is to someone who can't hear the Force! All logic says this dude should keep losing, and somehow he just keeps getting proved right!

The level of faith he has is incredible, the amount of trust he has to place in others because of this is also incredible. It's not just Anakin, either, he has to do this with Obi-Wan, with Padme and Sabe, with the Council, even Dooku when he's younger.

And I love his relationship with Obi-Wan, the faith he has in Obi-Wan's abilities and the level of comfort and familiarity with each other that they've clearly built up over time. He can say something to Obi-Wan that to the audience (or to an outside viewer) might seem like it's only a half-formed thought, and yet Obi-Wan is completely able to understand what Qui-Gon means by it. They work together really well, Obi-Wan knows when to step up and when to let Qui-Gon follow his instincts. Qui-Gon trusts Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan does choose to speak up and often treats Obi-Wan as more of an equal partner than a subordinate. I love the subtle line Qui-Gon walks between allowing Obi-Wan enough independence to learn and grow because Obi-Wan is an adult who is clearly nearly ready to head off on his own anyway, and continuing to guide Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan is still his student and that's his role. I love how quick Obi-Wan is to tease Qui-Gon and how easily Qui-Gon chooses to take it when it happens.

Qui-Gon is SUCH an interesting character and it's really sad that fandom just keeps choosing to mischaracterize him no matter which direction they go, removing any and all nuance from him and the part he plays in the narrative.

[izzyspussy]

i think a big disconnect happening here is that people don't really know what people mean when they say "write [demographic] characters but don't write about the experience of being [demographic]"

i really don't think it was ever intended to mean "don't include things in your characterization that are unique to [demographic]". because frankly that would be absolutely slug brained advice.

what i truly think it means (and was intended to mean before being warped into what amounts to a catchphrase) is "include [demographic] in your stories, but don't write something where the entire plot/purpose of the story is This Is What It Means To Be [Demographic]". and i think that is solid advice, and something that a lot of people do need to hear.

i mean there's nuance even in that, of course, because literally nothing about the human experience is in any way ever even remotely cut and dried.

you know, if you're writing a metaphor for [demographic] - let's take the X-Men as an example - that could easily be interpreted as or identified with by any number of different demographics. so it's more broad like This Is What It's Like To Be Oppressed. and "what it's like to be" is a much different thing than "what it means to be" first of all. a lot of things are like a lot of other things, that's the nature of things. but a thing only IS that one thing.

and secondly pretty much every living person can know to some degree what it's like to be oppressed tbqh. gender, race, religion, physical ability, age, class. i mean c'mon.

additionally, X-Men is about more than just that. it's also about, like, war crimes and unethical medicine and being kind of weird and going to private school and manufactured political divides and being in subtextual gay love with your nemesis and where is the line between self control and repression and and self-acceptance and who should decide what is Right and catholic aesthetics kind of slap and standardized education absolutely does not slap and some old guy's latex fetish probably etc etc etc.

and! it's not impossible for someone not in a demographic to do enough research and be sensitive enough and have enough empathy to write something that is This Is What It Means To Be [Demographic]. it's just very unlikely, and almost certain to have the catch-22 of you can't know what you don't know. but more to the point of the advice is that a story who's entire plot/purpose is to express This Is What It Means To Be [Demographic] is simply automatically going to be more accurate and more valuable and more relevant and more effective as a narrative from an author who is part of that demographic.

Add onto that the considerations of who gets published and why, and what kinds of implicit messaging in fiction is considered the most "marketable", it's less a question of what you Can do versus what you Should do. what is the most respectful - perhaps even the most responsible - thing to do.

And there's also the question there of, like. Why do you as someone who is not a member of [demographic] even want to write a story whose entire plot/purpose is to express This Is What It Means To Be [Demographic]? if your motivation is simply that there isn't enough of it, would it not be a better use of your effort to encourage more of it from the people who have a real reason/need to express that in particular? i guarantee you have other things you can write about What It Means To Be - that would be more accurate, more valuable, more relevant, and more effective written by you.

but back around to the disconnect. yes, any [demographic] character will be in part shaped by the experiences of [demographic]. even if they are from a secondary world without [demographic]-ism, they will still have different ways of taking care of themselves, expressing themselves, socializing, etc. true. and if you are not a member of [demographic] and your character is, you certainly should still include those things and if you don't that's absolutely loser behavior. yes.

and if you are not a member of [demographic], you can still write something that is What It Means To Be [Demographic], as in you are capable of it. yes. why people are saying you can't or instructing you not to or being upset when this occurs is because there's no reason for you to do that when you could write something else or something broader and leave that kind of specificity to the people who are specific to it - and because your less accurate, less valuable, less relevant, and less effective version is likely to be systemically favored.

[get-back-homeward]

The Case of Thelma Pickles

Thelma's account of John is most often cherrypicked by detractors as evidence he was some lifelong wifebeater. While the violence in the incident she describes is clear, the nuance that makes her account so vivid gets lost in the debate.

I keep coming back to her account for her picture of John at a crucial time, only a few months after Julia is killed.

John’s girlfriend in the autumn of 1958 was Thelma Pickles, a new and interesting student at the art school, just turning 17. Initially, she thought him “a smartarse,” then changed her mind when she witnessed his reaction to a girl who asked if what she’d heard about his mother was true. “She said, ‘Hey John, I hear your mother’s dead.’ He didn’t flinch. He simply said, ‘Yeah.’ She carried on, ‘It was a policeman that knocked her down, wasn’t it?’ Again he didn’t react, he just said, ‘That’s right, yeah.’ I was stunned by his detachment, and impressed that he was brave enough not to break down or show any emotion. Of course, it was all a front.”30

Soon afterward, John and Thelma sat talking at the Queen Victoria Monument and each revealed being deserted by their dads. “He pissed off and left me when I was a baby,” John said of Alf, which was far from correct but no doubt how he felt. Thelma’s father had left home when she was ten; she was sensitive to the stigma of having only one parent and emotional when anyone mentioned it. “I couldn’t sustain the detachment John managed,” she says. “I thought it was quite an achievement to be able to behave like that.”

Suddenly, John and Thel, as he called her, were “going out.” The shared soul-baring cemented it, and also they fancied each other. Thelma was the first female John allowed to get close after Julia’s terrible death. She was given glimpses of his other side.

When we discussed it between ourselves I realized he was clearly more sensitive than he appeared. He spoke of the pure shock of losing his mother, and he said what a loss it was (though I don’t think he used the word “loss”). At such times, he spoke in a much softer, more explanatory way than usual, and though he never demonstrated extremes of emotion, his pain was clear. The other side of the coin was that he’d detect any minor frailty in somebody with a laser-like homing device. I thought he was hilarious, but it wasn’t funny to the recipients.31

Thelma was witness to a rare occasion at Mendips, when John, Paul and George all stood in the kitchen and played their guitars. Mimi was out, and before she was expected back Thelma and the two lads scarpered. John knew Mimi didn’t want them in the house and would raise merry hell about it, and he just didn’t need the headache. For a while, though, John and Thel took regular advantage of Mimi’s going out (it seems she went to play bridge one night a week). The plan, carefully formulated by John, was for Thel (who lived in Knotty Ash) to take the bus to Woolton; she and John would meet and sit across Menlove Avenue in a shelter on the edge of the golf course, and when Mimi left and walked down the street, over they’d go. “I only ever saw Mimi from a distance, in the dark,” Thelma says.

Mostly, Thel found John “enormous fun to be with, always witty, and when we were alone together he was really soft, thoughtful and generous-spirited.” He made them tea and toast, he made her laugh, and he made love to her in his little bedroom above the porch. “We didn’t call it sex—that word wasn’t really used by people then. John called it ‘going for a five-mile run,’ because he’d read or heard this was the amount of energy a man spent.” They used no protection, trusting only to luck, and John told Thel he was glad she was no “edge of the bed virgin”—his euphemism for the kind of girl who would take him half the way there but no further.

John and Thel often took afternoons off from art school to go to the pictures. He liked the old horror films at the equally old Palais de Luxe on Lime Street, and they also went to see Elvis’s final pre-army film, King Creole, which reached Liverpool Odeon in mid-October 1958. Though John very occasionally wore his glasses at college, he definitely didn’t do so in public, and without them, even sitting near the front of the stalls, he could hardly make out how his idol was faring up there on the big screen. He kept nudging Thelma, nagging her to describe all the action: “What’s he doing now, Thel?”

—Tune In, Ch. 9 (June–Dec 1958)

Her account of the beginning of their relationship supports Paul and Cynthia’s characterization of young John as a kid that put on a public front to mask fear and insecurities and grief. She is surprised by his detachment to loss, something she wishes she could attain. (Echoes of this story of John and Paul. Like recognizes like?) Yet with further scrutiny, she sees the detachment as a facade and discovers a shared trauma, and they bond over opening up about their family losses.

After this recognition, they become close. When alone, Thelma sees the softer side to John, thoughtful and generous. When in public, she notices his awareness of the eyes of others, mocking frailties of others while walking around half-blind himself. She finds him hilarious as long as his target is someone else, feeling a sense of specialness by being part of his crew. You can see echoes of John and Paul's mean girls schtick here.

It's notable that by 1959, John has made a habit out of bonding over shared grief/trauma. John meets Paul just after his mother dies, and John lost his father figure a few years before that. John meets Thelma after Julia’s death and they bond over absent fathers. John goes on to meet Cynthia, who has just recently lost her father.

Her account of the end of their relationship supports how John would lash out when power shifted and exposed his insecurities. This lashing out comprises not only one hit in a moment of anger, but several days/weeks(?) of public mocking in response to her ending the relationship over his own actions. Notice how he mocks her with a lie they both know isn’t true all because she wounded his ego? It’s the performance of it all that sticks with me.

And the only way she gets him to shut up is to match him in being equally vicious back. The games of adolescence perhaps, but its echoes in John’s other significant relationships suggest a pattern. Mind games, more than anything, is the weapon of choice.

[Quotes and sources under the cut]

During the course of this, John leaned over to Thel and asked if she fancied “going for a five-mile run.” She agreed, and they slipped upstairs to the Art History room, assuming it would be free. “It was dark but we could tell there were other couples in there, probably having a five-mile run of their own, or trying to,” Thelma recalls. “I told John I was uneasy about doing it in a place like that, especially with other people there, and he wasn’t happy with my attitude. When I insisted on going, and got up to leave, he became rough and whacked me one—his fist connected somewhere between my shoulder and my head, around my neck.”8

During the course of this, John leaned over to Thel and asked if she fancied “going for a five-mile run.” She agreed, and they slipped upstairs to the Art History room, assuming it would be free. “It was dark but we could tell there were other couples in there, probably having a five-mile run of their own, or trying to,” Thelma recalls. “I told John I was uneasy about doing it in a place like that, especially with other people there, and he wasn’t happy with my attitude. When I insisted on going, and got up to leave, he became rough and whacked me one—his fist connected somewhere between my shoulder and my head, around my neck.”8

Thelma stormed off, and decided that was the end of their relationship. She did her best to avoid John through the following week, and when this wasn’t possible she simply ignored him. He started to mock her but she resisted his gibes, and this went on for several days until reaching its culmination in the Cracke. “He was still mocking me, in front of others, and then he called me ‘an edge of the bed virgin.’ That really pissed me off because we both knew it wasn’t true. He was just being sarcastic and wounding because he was pissed off with me, and I got so enraged I shouted back, ‘Don’t blame me just because your mother’s dead!’ It was a cruel remark, but he knew all about those. It just seemed the easiest way to get back at him.”

John and Thelma had reached the end of the line, though they’d remain friends and keep in touch for several years. In an interview in 1980, John reflected on his teenage behavior: “Hitting females is something I’m always ashamed of and still can’t talk about—I’ll have to be a lot older before I can face that in public, about how I treated women as a youngster.”9 Except that he was talking about it, and with the sort of candor customary even when it was to his own detriment. In 1967, John mentioned it within a song lyric and spoke about it to his biographer Hunter Davies. “I was in a blind rage for two years,” he said. “I was either drunk or fighting. There was something the matter with me.”10

This was also, of course, the way it was in many other relationships, and had been for a long time and would be in the future, especially in the north of England. It wasn’t excusable but nor was it unusual, and such attitudes were reinforced constantly in receptive minds by the silver screen. “Not only did we dress like James Dean and walk around like that,” John later remarked, “but we acted out those cinematic charades. The he-man was supposed to smack a girl across the face, make her succumb in tears and then make love. Most of the guys I knew in Liverpool thought that’s how you do it.”11

In terms of dress, John continued to interchange between college scarf and Teddy Boy drape, though being a Ted was always more a state of mind for him.12 The persona remained very much part of his attraction to Paul and George, however—as Paul says, “We looked up to him as a sort of violent Teddy Boy, which was attractive at the time. He got drunk a lot and once he kicked the telephone-box in … [and] what might have been construed as good old-fashioned rudeness I always had to put down to ballsiness.”

—Tune In (Ch. 10, Jan–July 1959)

Based on the accounts of Thelma here and Cynthia elsewhere, both known incidents of John being physically violent with women are single, isolated events. Thelma describes a hair pull and full-on hit (punch) in the neck, which is physically painful to think about, whereas Cynthia describes a slap in the face. In both cases, they feel confident enough to shut it down and walk away, Thelma for good and Cynthia at least making him grovel first (Christmas 1959 card). Domestic violence comes in several forms, some of which do match John’s behavior with Cynthia even if they were common for the time (controlling appearance and activities, possessiveness and paranoia of infidelities, etc.), but neither of these women describe habitual physical violence.

However, this incident does not seem to reflect the guilt with which John talks about it later. Even when put together with Cynthia’s account, which is less than a year later (fall 1959), the level doesn’t seem to match. I notice both incidents would be within the two years after Julia’s death, yet he’s writing about it in 1967 (“I hit my woman”) and still talking about it in 1980. Even 3 months before his death, he was calling himself "a hitter." Either there were more incidents left untold (e.g., Thelma and/or Cynthia are condensing into one where they left, or other women who’ve remained silent) or John’s guilt spun it into more over time. This is notable because there’s not much else he ever seems to publicly regret.

Looking up Lewisohn’s sources, the worst quote from John is actually from Source 11 (the James Dean quote above), a print interview from a dubious author (link in the sources listed below). The author Sandra Shevey has claimed to have spent at least 12 hours interviewing John and Yoko, and while at least one recording of her interview with them is available, I’m skeptical about other quotes in print considering her output. Reading a few pages of her book on John, some parts are so unhinged I wondered why on earth Lewisohn even used anything from her as a source (serious burn book vibes). John has mentioned elsewhere about being influenced by Hollywood’s images of (toxic) masculinity as a teen, but her full quote makes it sound like he was basically raping women all the time. She uses the quote as a springboard to her more outlandish theories (like devoting several pages to the idea that John raped and then murdered Brian over a contract detail?!).

Burn book moments aside, Shevey also gets tons of basic details completely wrong like attributing Get Back’s writing or Bernard Webb’s Woman to John (both are Paul’s) and in general treats Paul as a nonentity in John’s life and work. So I have a hard time trusting anything from her book. However, she is one of the few John bio authors to consider bisexuality (unhinged theories aside) and is questioning the ballad of John&YokoTM in print as early as 1990, perhaps because she spoke with them during a time when the cracks were more visible. So assuming her quotes are accurate and her reading is just wildly off the mark, I think it’s worth mentioning the context of this James Dean quote in her book. It's prefaced with background that may shed light on the case of Thelma Pickles, who had the dubious honor of being John’s first real girlfriend.

Talking in 1972, he's speaking about this in relation to his struggle with accepting Yoko as an equal creative partner on the latest album. There’s a flavor of blaming British society and American culture that sounds very Yoko shaped (he goes on to call British men both effeminate and sadist). However, applying this background to 1958, you can see how a young John would have struggled to apply his relationships with other boys to his first attempt at a relationship with a girl, especially one who was by her own account looking for recognition and belonging with the boys.

Aside from the physical violence, Thelma’s account details the headtrip of John’s verbal violence. When you’re 16, a week of public mockery can feel like a lifetime. Doubly so when it comes from someone you were once close to. Like Pete and Paul, Thelma figures out how to match John’s level and shut him up. Bill Harry also recalls the importance of standing up to John to gain his respect. Thelma has to deal with him like one of the guys, delivering a verbal uppercut that leaves him clocked out and in the sand.

In a way, John’s mockery of Thelma looks like a mirror of the much longer, much more public mockery Paul gets from John 1970-1972. Ram aside, Paul waits to turn the public equivalent on John until 1972—which just so happens to be when John starts to cool his fire toward Paul. Shevey claims to interview John a day in September 1972 and the only recording she’s released is John ruminating about working as a partner with Yoko vs male artists (“It’s a plus, not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without…I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship, maybe that would have solved it”) and the continued struggle of making this transition. Assuming Paul knew more about John after 13 years than Thelma did in 6 months, I’m left wondering why did Paul wait so long in the 70s? Maybe it’s harder to kick back when you’re feeling down? Or guilty? Maybe smarting from result of the last attempt? Maybe it’s harder to kick back when there’s a mountain more of feelings between you.

After Thelma gives him a taste of his own medicine, they continue to be on speaking terms though the closeness they had was gone. She recalls loaning him art college assignments because he’s in danger of flunking out. John goes on to date Cynthia, and Thelma remembers thinking he’d fancied her given his taunts but sounds a bit dismayed by how he got her to change her entire identity for him (“He got what he wanted”). She recognizes being married to John would be a “gargantuan task” and had no regrets herself.

Lastly, a comment on Lewisohn’s framing here. I think it’s appropriate to mention John’s guilt and the effect of pop culture on the social mores of the time here. But I find it incredibly distasteful that Lewisohn concludes this incident with a quote that suggests Paul liked John violent and hitting women, considering the actual context of the quote.

Here's Paul's words in Many Years From Now that Lewisohn quotes from:

The first sentence of Paul's words on this says it all. This quote is all about the image of the Teddy Boy as a protective measure. Conflating violence against women with fashion is not helpful at all.

This word-twisting feels especially terrible because Paul ends up dating Thelma himself a few years down the line...

All the Beatles were now in settled relationships. Having ended with Dorothy Rhone, Paul played a broad field without hindrance, sparking flames old and new, and he also (from August 1962) found himself a special new “steady.” This was Thelma Pickles—John’s art school lover before he got together with Cynthia. Paul had always liked Thelma, and happened to see her in Liverpool while driving his car—his proud and precious Ford Consul Classic, which he bought new (“on the never-never”) in early August.16 She married, had a baby boy and then separated from her husband. Approaching 21, Thelma lived in a Prince’s Avenue bedsit as a single parent and was trying to resume her art school studies, a talented young woman … and here in her life arrived Paul McCartney.

He was no longer a slightly plump young schoolboy but very much his own person. I only like visual art, I’m not into music, so I had just a vague notion that John and his group were still going. Paul said he’d pick me up later to see them play at the Cavern. It was a jazz club when I’d last been there. It was full of raw energy. Girls were screaming and boys liked them as well. I’d only ever watched Six-Five Special and this was different. I hadn’t believed what Paul said about their increasing fame—being brought up working-class in that era, we were given to believe “our sort” couldn’t become successful.17

—Tune In (Ch. 31, Aug 19–Oct 4 1962)

Her comment on class and success is important to put in context with the rest of her account. Given John's more middle class standing living with Mimi at the time, I’m sure Thelma felt the power differential between them at least the first time she visited Mendips. Notice how sneaky John is to make sure Mimi doesn’t meet her? It mirrors how John only has the band over when Mimi's out of the house; he knows how she will react to him seeing a working-class girl and doesn’t want the trouble. That sticks with a girl, feeling like you’re not worth the trouble. He does end up introducing the much more prim and proper Cynthia to Mimi, and it still goes terribly, but at least he tries, signaling to Cynthia he sees some future with her. That hit in the neck? Sounds a lot more gruesome than a slap in the face. And it's in public, after she turns him down. Despite their shared closeness alone, the power differential in public still reigns supreme. But she knew her limits and stood firm in spite of it all. We only have one picture of her at this time, but it’s a telling one all the same. I look at it and can’t help thinking, oh, I know this girl. Good for her.

Even after Thelma and Paul’s relationship fizzles, they stay friends through other connections. She ends up dating (and later marrying) Mike’s bandmate, Roger McGough. She recalls staying with Roger at Cavendish in the 60s. It’s not clear if she crosses paths with John at this time. Perhaps her presence prompted the guilt we see John express in 67 in Getting Better and interviews with Hunter Davies. I hope she haunted him…even just a bit.

Sources by Chapter

Chapter 9

30 Observer, December 13, 2009.

31 Author interview, September 6, 2010.

Chapter 10

9 Interview by David Sheff, September 24, 1980, for Playboy.

10 Davies, pp56–7. The song lyric: “I used to be cruel to my woman / I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved”—“Getting Better,” 1967.

11 Interview with Sandra Shevey, the Hartford Courant, November 26, 1972.

12 “The Teddy Boy … that was my scene, but it was only a club to belong to at the time”—interview by David Skan, Record Mirror, October 11, 1969.

13 Many Years From Now, pp49/33.

Chapter 31

16 Author interview, May 2, 1991.

17 Author interview, September 6, 2010, and e-mails August 29, 2010, and February 28, 2012.

[lady-griffin]

I don’t want to say I have complicated feeling towards Drew Barrymore and her show coming back on, because I really don’t; I like her as an actress and shit, but seriously -

Fuck you, Drew!

She keeps talking about how she’s so sorry, but she’s doing it nonetheless, so really how sorry is she?

Oh, I’m so sorry, I say, as I keep stabbing you in the back. This totally isn’t me and not at all indicative of the kind of person I am nor what my values are. Not at all. Honestly, I think you’re the one who's being the real jerk, screaming and telling everyone I’m a bad person for stabbing you. Rude.

Oh, but silly me, how could I forget that Drew is doing this because other jobs are on the line and of course this show started during the sensitive times of the pandemic and so of course it needs to be out for these current sensitive times of ours, and let us forget, how Drew’s intention was never to hurt anyone, as she stabs them in the back. That’s not who Drew is at all.

Bullshit. Fucking bullshit.

You keep saying you own this decision, Drew. Well then fucking own that this is who you are. Your actions aren’t separate from who you are as a person.

You chose to do this. No one put a gun to your head and is forcing you to do this; you weighed the pros and cons, and decided that putting your show back on was well worth it in the end, others be screwed.

Also please stop lying. You didn’t do this for other people and you're certainly not do this for the little guy or those struggling; because this doesn’t help them. It puts them in a weaker position going forward, especially when they’ll be fighting against the behemoth giants who are making these times so fucking sensitive, which is just...

How is your show for sensitive times? Wouldn’t your show need to be actually sensitive, for it to be a show for these sensitive times. So, you know, like the bare minimum of not screwing over your own writers?

Just a thought there.

Seriously, Fuck you, Drew Barrymore.

Like, I can’t stand Bill Maher. I mean the amount of loathing I feel for that man; I just...

I hate him. I just do.

I can barely listen to him speak for more than a few seconds.

But and don’t misunderstand me because he’s also a shitty person for his show breaking the line as well, but at least he acts like he’s a shitty person. I’m sure HE doesn’t think he’s that terrible, but let’s be real, he’s not someone who goes out of his way to be kind and understanding to others...

Bill Maher is an asshole who acts superior to everyone and complains about everyone else’s entitlement, as though he’s not some entitled, whiny jerk.

I just find it hard to believe that people are shock his show is coming back, because I’m really fucking not.  

That doesn’t make it okay or any more acceptable nor him any less of a scab, than Drew. NOT AT ALL!!!

Seriously, I need more news article calling him out.

But I already knew whose side he was on.

And it's not like my world view has been shattered by Drew’s talk show coming back – but like...

Spare your fucking crocodile tears.

You don’t get to fuck others over and then cry about people being mad at you.

You chose to do this. This was your fucking choice, stop acting like this is a nuanced and complicated situation and it’s just so tricky and hard to navigate, and that you’re in it for the little guy, because that’s PR talk if there ever was.

And again, how many times have you said that this was your decision and that you take full responsibility for it.

What did you think was going to happen?

Or maybe, you knew this was exactly how people were going to react and you accepted that some people are going to be mad at you now, but you’ll be fine. You’ll weather this no problem. Because they’ll forget and forgive, soon enough. You’ll be in good standing with the behemoths, and once this is all over with, people will see you as your charming and down-to-earth self, once more.

I sincerely hope that all those who are crossing the line now and, in the future, never recover from doing so.

That this will always be an ugly stain on their reputations and other celebrities, who can still be friends with them personally, I don’t care, will be like, yeah no about working with you buddy, because that is some stink, they can't have on themselves.

Like I want people to weigh the pros and cons of associating with these scabs and deciding the cons aren’t fucking worth it, at all.

-

In case you couldn't tell I'm very angry and worked up about this

[quibbs126]

You know, I always feel limited in what I can say about Cookie Run, mostly just because I never feel like I know enough about the world and characters

Like, I’ve been in this fandom for about 7 months, now beating out the Layton fandom in how long I’ve been here, but even now I still feel like a beginner in what I know. And even if I think I know a character or bit of the world, enough to make some sort of post, I feel like there will be someone telling me that I’m wrong in interpreting the character. I don’t recall if that’s actually happened to me in recent time (other than the Golden Cheese Kingdom confusion I had), but I always feel like that will happen

I mean granted, I think part of it is that I just really don’t know. I’m fully aware that there are story cutscenes for both Ovenbreak and Kingdom that explain the lore of characters, and that I can just watch them in YouTube (or in Kingdom’s case, on the game itself), but for some reason, I just choose not to. Granted, I think part of it has to do with the way I usually consume stuff about things I play

Generally, if it’s something I don’t think I will ever play, I’ll just watch people talk about it or watch them play it so I can experience it to some degree. However if I do end up getting the game, I tend to stay away from things discussing it because I don’t want my experience to be ruined or something, despite me usually already knowing things about it. And still wanting to consume fan content about it on here. I’m not really sure how my flawed internal logic works

Anyways, I think in this instance, it might be a case of my brain wanting to experience things for itself, but we’ve gotten to the point where I’ve experienced almost all content that is currently available for me to experience, so that point should be moot, but my brain’s still operating on that “don’t spoil things” mentality, so I just won’t do it. This is kind of my first experience with a game with an ongoing story, as I usually play console games that already have a complete story once I get it, so I think that might be part of the reason wires aren’t connecting like they should

Though to be honest, that’s probably only half of it. The other half is that I just can’t be bothered to, despite me knowing it won’t take much effort. But that’s been a problem that’s been going on and increasing throughout this amount of time, unrelated to Cookie Run, so that’s a topic for another day

Though if I can give some sort of defense, there’s 200+ characters in these games. I can’t be expected to know everything. Even if I usually only talk about a handful, meaning this point is probably not as relevant as I think

But also probably a part of why I’m hesitant is that I see people talking about how other people just have bad takes on characters, and I’m afraid I’ll end up in that category. I can fully admit, I’m not very good at understanding nuance, I kind of just take things at face value, only rarely seeing deeper meaning and needing others to explain it to me, and I feel like an understanding of nuance is needed to understand some of these characters, which is something I lack

Also I have a problem of being a bit too sensitive and not wanting people to dislike me. And the fact I’m very indecisive and will change my opinions, usually if someone gives a different take that makes more sense to me. That’s usually why in my posts I put a lot of “probablies” and “I thinks” and “I dunno”, since I never want to be too confident in my ground. But again, personal issues

But yeah, I feel like in general, I’m never confident in posting concrete opinions on characters or some sort of take on a character in this franchise. And I mostly bring this up because I remember that I had some level of confidence in talking about the Layton games. But also there, I feel like the characters, story and world were much easier to get a grasp on, you just need to watch the cutscenes for the games and probably the movie. And the anime if you want to, but that’s at the current end of the timeline, way after the mainline games, so you don’t have to. Also, not nearly as many characters. All around it’s just easier to understand. Also frankly, the fandom was smaller and felt just generally more relaxed

[leewritesthings]

Hiding the Truth

So I got the job. Mongolian food was had. Ramen will be had very soon. I bought myself one of those comfy blanket hoodies to commemorate the occasion.

It's... such a huge relief. I'm still sorting through the new-hire paperwork, still trying to get everything set up. I don't know how I feel about signing a non-compete clause still, but that's mostly irrelevant now. It's signed. I'm gonna get paid again, finally, and I won't have to worry about my savings or finances.

Well, at least a little bit. I won't get paid as much as I was making, but I will get paid. Not a huge drastic paycut, but still.

I'm kinda back where I started with regards to religion. I... don't know where to go from here. I feel like I won't be welcomed no matter where I go, just because of things I believe to be true.

This is the internet, so I don't want to step on too many toes by setting off a time bomb that is an outline of my beliefs. I've riled people up for simply speaking my truth on discord servers, and in private conversations. Let's just say Chr*stianity isn't for me. Which is... interesting to avoid over the holidays.

I love Quakerism but truth be told, a fair amount of people -- and Quakers -- assume Quaker = Christian. Which makes it very awkward for such a community-based belief system. It's also very hard to talk to people in general for me, especially new people, and I have severe anxiety, so sitting in silence for an hour and then immediately peacing out doesn't exactly do wonders for my spiritual or mental health.

I do appreciate Judaism but also I keep procrastinating on reaching out to my local Reform temple because it never seems like a good time. Especially with the war happening. There's so much misinformation with regards to who has "rightful" ownership and what exactly it entails. I don't really know if I have it in me -- on top of putting myself out there to join a completely different religion -- to touch on an issue so crucial to people's hearts. For all the sensitivity and empathy I can muster, I'm not sure if it's ever enough to truly handle this situation with the depth and nuance it requires when speaking to people.

The Muslim people I've spoken with generally believe that I'm some sort of abomination by simply being queer. By not having a gender and by having the family that I do -- by being myself and loving my family -- I'm somehow an affront to G-d. So... that's pretty out of the question.

I've genuinely tried being polytheist, but I just can't wrap my brain around it. I'm panentheist at best -- that is, all things are G-d just presented in different ways.

I don't know what I'm doing here with regards to my spirituality. I'd like to find a group of like-minded people, but it seems near-impossible to do. To say nothing of this deep-seated need to be liked, which usually presents itself by forcing me to hide. Hide who I am, hide who I was, hide who I want to be.

[translationwala]

Bridging the Language Barrier: The Art of English to Hindi Translation

It is more important than ever to be able to speak clearly across language and cultural barriers in today’s linked world. English has become a lingua franca, bringing people from all over the world together. It is the language of global business, education, and technology. But for people who don’t understand English as their first language, especially those from India where Hindi is the main language, the English language barrier can be very hard.

Because of this, English to Hindi translation is a key part of closing the communication gap and making it easier for people who know English and Hindi to share information, ideas, and cultural understanding. It’s not enough to just change a few words from one language to another; you have to get across the main idea of the original message while keeping the Hindi grammar, style, and culture details.

The Significance of English to Hindi Translation

English to Hindi translation has become very important in many areas of life, such as

Business: Since English is the main language used in international business, Indian companies need to translate from English to Hindi in order to connect with global markets and grow.

Education: Indian students who want to get ahead in the global job market need to be able to access English-language learning materials. Translation from English to Hindi is an important part of making these tools available and clear.

Literature and Media: Hindi-speaking people can enjoy and interact with a wide range of artistic ideas by translating English literature and media material into Hindi.

Government and Public Services: It is important for a democracy that the government and the people it serves can talk to each other clearly. Translation from English to Hindi makes sure that more people can understand government policies, statements, and services.

The Challenges of English to Hindi Translation

Even though there are more people who need English to Hindi translation, there are some problems that translators have to deal with:

Cultural Sensitivity: Hindi has a lot to do with Indian culture and practices, so writers need to be aware of these and avoid using words or phrases that could offend or confuse people.

Linguistic Nuances: Hindi has a very large and complicated vocabulary and grammar structure, which makes it hard to find correct and natural-sounding English words and sentences.

Technical Terminology: To translate scientific terms and ideas from English to Hindi, you need to have a lot of experience and knowledge in the subject.

How to Get Good at English to Hindi translation

To successfully translate from English to Hindi, translators need to be good at languages, understand other cultures, and know how to use technology. Here are some important traits of a good English to Hindi translation:

Deep understanding of both English and Hindi languages: The person translating should really understand the terms, structure, and idioms of both languages.

Cultural sensitivity and awareness: They should know a lot about Indian culture and customs so there aren’t any mistakes or cultural faux pas.

Technical expertise in specific fields: If the translation is detailed, the translator should be an expert in that subject, like in science, engineering, law, or something similar.

Ability to convey the essence of the original message: The person translating should try to keep the original text’s tone, style, and meaning while making sure the Hindi version is correct and sounds natural.

The Role of Technology in English to Hindi Translation

Technology has changed the field of translation and given interpreters useful tools and information. There are some flaws in machine translation tools, but they can be used to translate big amounts of writing. But human review and editing are still needed to make sure that English to Hindi versions are correct and of high quality.

Conclusion

English to Hindi translation is an art that takes a deep knowledge of both languages, as well as professional know-how and cultural awareness. Translators are very important for helping people who know English and Hindi communicate with each other and share information, ideas, and cultural understanding. Even as technology changes, human translators will still be needed to make sure that the art of correct, culturally sensitive English to Hindi translation grows.

Source: https://translationwala.wordpress.com/2023/11/23/bridging-the-language-barrier-the-art-of-english-to-hindi-translation/

[utopianparadoxist]

ok so i posted this when i was outright reeling from posting that Big Post and just keeping my mind busy so i wouldnt go bananas, but it would be incredibly irresponsible of me to put this out there and then not make this clear:

Penguindrum is an incredibly dense, abstract, but most of all deeply challenging and uncomfortable work that deals head on with basically any triggering subject imaginable from child abuse and csa, to incest and trauma boding, to capitalism and terminal illness and grief and survivors guilt, to animal death and outright terrorist attacks.

it is extremely not a show to approach lightly if you're in any way sensitive to anything like that, and even saying this much i am not confident my list is exhaustive so i suggest looking up trigger warnings before looking up the show.

As far as understanding it goes, I heavily suggest watching Revolutionary Girl Utena first at a minimum as it is basically a spiritual sequel to that show. Sarazanmai and Yuri Kuma Arashi which are just as intense but at least shorter works are a decent idea for prep as well. In general Penugindrum is the show I would recommend watching *last* among Ikuhara's oeuvre out of all four of his originals, even though Sarazanmai is technically a spiritual sequel to it, because Penguindrum is simply that complex and emotionally demanding an experience.

Penguindrum also demands a certain amount of familiarity with Japanese literature; in particular, it is hopeless trying to understand its plot if you haven't read Night on the Galactic Railroad, and you should probably do some reading on the 1995 tokyo subway gas attacks to boot.

Really, my suggestion would be to track down the @imaginemeandutena podcast gang on your podcast app of choice, and follow the shows along with them so you can benefit from their incredible insight, empathy, and sophisticated grasp on culture and abuse and so many other issues that need careful navigating in order to grasp the moral nuance that guides Ikuhara's narratives.

I was lucky enough to be allowed to guest with them for a podcast episode after they finished Yuri Kuma, and just recently got to join them for ep 18 of Mawaru Penguindrum, followed by an end of season wrap up after they finished the show where I got to talk about some of my ideas about the ending and nature of the narrative. I thought we'd be in it for an hour and a half or so, but that recording ended up being like 3 hours >_>.

Take me seriously when I say I think that conversation was in the top 5 I've ever had in my life, and the fact that the gang was not only interested in my ideas, but challenged them, put them to the test, surprised me by coming up with insights on the fly that complicated and evolved them, and ultimately seemed to agree with my perspective and regard it as their answer to the show to some extent, though I'm sure they'll all go on to develop their own variations and complications and entirely seperate readings from there over time too!

But Y'all.

Arriving at that perspective took me literally 10 years. Penguindrum came out in 2011, I watched it serially as it came out week after week, and ever sense the final episode there has been some part of my brain constantly trying to unpack and put together exactly what the fuck is going on in that ending. the fact that it feels like I've arrived at an answer that feels meaningful and i actually managed to convince smart people I respect that there's merit to it?

At least as big a rush as anything I ever got from Homestuck, and honestly maybe more, I love Homestuck intensely but Ikuhara really is that big for me.

That podcast episode is one of the best things I've ever been a part of and I cannot fucking wait for it to go live, I am actively stamping down my hopes that it might lead to actual changes and new directions in conversations about Penguindrum and I want to see whether that happens or not so so fucking bad its unreal.

anyway sorry i know you asked me about Doom, not an anime that has nothing to do with Homestuck, but you've gotta understand that Penguindrum did more to teach me about Doom and it's symbolic and thematic underpinnings than Homestuck arguably ever did. It is THE perfect show for Doombound and if you dont wanna take it from me you can ask my Page of Doom friend @captainquestionart

anyway. thats my opinion on that lol

doom, for me at least, is still the most confusing aspect, could you maybe give a short analysis on it?

Watch mawaru penguindrum

[planetsstarsandmoons]

Mars trine/sextile moon

What I like about synastry is that all ‘aspects’ make for such different experiences depending on the role of which heavenly body you’re filling, but each aspect makes such sense and is so recognisable in the way of ‘oh so that’s what I’m feeling’, ‘that’s the way other couples vibe differently than the other’ or ‘that’s why I think her valid emotions are irrational, but am on the exact emotional wavelength as hers’. It makes me think that in other universes, relationships must be so different, and funnily enough in a way that would also make sense.

I love the herb that mars aspecting moon adds to a romantic relationship. I’ll try to formulate it as well as I can: Mars is basically energy, passion, confrontation, drive. It’s something people can find brash, but also like to compete with and people find quite sexy. Mars is a ‘do-er’ and doesn’t trigger thinking in a person unless that person is confronted with his martian nature in relation to something that is so plainly deep and worthwhile, like the ideas of a mercury person or the softness of the moon. The moon is a forceful heavenly body that centers around peace, safety and sensitivity for intuition. Whatever bond they have with planets, especially other powerful ones, is a strong one because the way moon is easily impressed by all compassing force due to her sensitive nature as well, planets are easily affected by moon because she intuitively touches the places where they are most sensitive and tries first and foremost to make them feel safe. Her relationship with mars is a funny one because mars 1. A force that couldn’t care less about how others are feeling, it’s all about their desire 2. Is a force that doesn’t need safety or a connection to express themselves or come forward, what they need is a trigger. Whatever an aspect may be, a line is a line and because mars’ power has no nuance, every energy that’s felt through an aspect is channelled and filtered in the same way. It just depends on the amount of energy that flows through a synastry aspect and in what way. If martian energy becomes rough and bolt-y, it will create conflict if the mars person isn’t someone with a ‘healthy’ natal mars to begin with. So in a way, mars aspecting moon can be dangerous, but otherwise there’s always a person behind the planet that is forced to develop and take a look at themselves and why they feel the way they do.

I’m going to talk about mars aspecting the moon more often but for now I’m staying with the trine and sextile: the peaceful, harmonious and dare I say friendly one:

In the case of mars trine moon, that ‘confrontation’ that mars has with moon drives through in the form of a comfortable carriage with a thick blanket in a Swiss village, instead of an army range rover through a wet night like the harsher aspects give. So in this case, mars is emotionally aroused by the moon person. Have you ever had or were you a SO in which you adored their emotional softness in a way that made you want to have them? Was this a theme? Chances are this aspect was here. Luckily in the flowing aspect, mars decides to be nice to her. The moon person gets butterflies from mars, especially when he is being affectionate to her because to them, they’re such a wild thing that could have gone everywhere and settled with her. They’re like a teenager in how they swoon and get butterflies from mars’ affections and chances are that every single contemporary YA romance you’ve read is based around this aspect, without the writers of course realising it.

The mars sextile moon basically plays out the same as the trine, except the trine is way more physical in their expression. In the sextile, the aspect flowing energy manifests itself in conversation and actions, whatever they may be. It adds colour to the overall dynamic and it’s a very good aspect to have. Just make sure that you realise that although there is a nice air of passion added to the relationship, we are still talking about a mars and a moon here, aka roles. This should not be a conflict, because the mars sextile moon famously almost ensures harmony between these two forces.

[glowingbadger]

Hi! Could you do SFW and NSFW relationship headcanons for Raphael and Hubert, please?

(P.S. I swear I sent this in a few weeks ago but you must not have gotten it. I am mortified at the chance I accidentally sent it to another blog!)

Your timing is incredible- your request was literally the next one on my list haha :3 So no worries, it got to the right place! I'm just still catching up a bit lol. Let's talk Raph and Hubie!

Raphael, Hubert x GN Reader

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Raphael:

- Raphael is such an absolute sweetie as a boyfriend. He's very nurturing and just a healthy level of protective, but he also knows that he's not perfect and is willing to listen to you when you need something different from him, or just to vent. He's also endlessly uplifting, always instinctively looking on the bright side of things and eager to open up that sunny perspective to share with you.

- As we all know, the way to Raph's heart is through his stomach. If you're even a little skilled in the kitchen, you've got an easy in to spending time with him whenever you like. If you're not much of a cook, he's happy to be a taste-tester until you've got it figured out. Though it's not like his palette is incredibly refined, so you might not get the most nuanced feedback.

- It is essential that you meet his little sister's approval- it's practically like courting a single father. Her happiness is his utmost priority, so one day when she mentions off hand that she can't wait for you all to spend time together again, he practically starts tearing up and warmth fills his chest. Knowing that you get along with the other most important person in his life just reaffirms his affections for you a thousand fold.

- His idea of a date pretty much always involves food, and with his energetic and warm personality, those kinds of dates are easy to enjoy. If you suggest other ideas though, while he might not be sure it's his "thing" at first, he'll quickly find something to get excited about and invested in. Besides, when he's with you, he has a hard time caring about anything but watching you just be your wonderful self, all with a wide, goofy smile on his face.

Hubert:

- Hubert quietly dotes on you. His love language is absolutely acts of service. This is largely because he finds it so hard to believe- practically disorienting- that you'd want to be with him of all people. As such, he does everything in his power to ensure that you're provided for. You may not even realize the lengths he's willing to go to for some time, as he has a habit of doing helpful or sweet things for you without your knowledge. Maybe it takes a vaguely threatening "chat" with some disrespectful knave who's been trying to get your attention, or perhaps there's a tear in your favorite shirt that he has sent to be repaired without ever mentioning it. Hubert doesn't seek praise- only your happiness.

- that said... He does absolutely melt when you do praise or compliment him. He does his best to appear stoic, but his face turns bright red when you tell him how lucky you are to be with someone so considerate and conscientious. Funnily, when he's riding high on his adoration for you (whatever you would call Hubert's version of feeling warm and fuzzy), not much changes other than that he's less conversational, appearing exceptionally introspective. The truth is just that he can't stop thinking of you and this bizarre feeling you've nurtured in him.

- he will NEVER admit this and will strike fear into the soul of any who would suggest it- but when others give him romantic advice, he does take note. When Edelgard suggests he have flowers sent to you for no particular reason, or Ferdinand recommends he take you riding through the countryside on a particularly lovely day, he does consider them and possibly even follow through.

- listen. The first time Hubert returns to his quarters from a late night "mission" to see you waiting up for him, struggling to stay awake to greet him and make sure he's okay, he's just... A puddle. He holds you so close and so tight, resting his face in your hair without a word. He's simply so overwhelmed that he should ever be so fortunate as to be welcomed home by someone he loves.

NSFW 18+ v

Raphael:

- Raph is a Big Boy and a Strong Boy, and those two facts are never more relevant than when things start getting heated. He's had one or two prior sexual partners (people from his hometown who came onto him- he enjoyed it well enough, but he's WAY more into it after falling for you), so he generally knows what he's doing, but likes a bit of guidance. He worries a lot about hurting you, but also enjoys showing off his strength and stamina for you- so letting you set the pace tends to work best overall.

- He openly loves it when you compliment his muscles and physique, reminding him of just how big and strong he is compared to you and how easily he lifts and positions you. Hearing it from your lips energizes him and makes him more determined than ever to pleasure you and take care of any and all of your needs. He's a bit clumsy about some of the finer operations involved- but honestly, sometimes it's hot enough just to feel his large and powerful fingers spreading you open. It's hard to lament his lack of dexterity when he can so easily fill you and reach your every sensitive spot at once.

- He's really not much one for power-play, or any kind of spicy roleplay. He simply doesn't see the point. Raphael would always rather just tell you openly how amazing and gorgeous you are as you ride his big, thick cock. You're so small even when you're above him, and he can't help wanting to hold you as your stretched out little hole takes him again and again.

- Raphael can resist cumming for a long time for the privilege of getting to fuck as many orgasms out of you as possible. He's got some impressive stamina. He'll lift and reposition you several times, then very carefully ease his huge member back into you, giving you plenty of time to acclimate to him filling you up from a new angle. There's no question that you'll be satisfied by the time he finally cums- but once he's done, he's done. Raphael cums hard, and a good volume, and once he's ridden out his climax, all he wants is to cuddle you on his broad chest and maybe share a snack, then drift off for a nap together.

Hubert:

- I've talked about some general spicy ideas for Hubie before in the past, so definitely check my masterlist for those (I love this miserable bastard so fucking much-). Overall, I see him as a classic, domineering Dom in the bedroom. Hubert needs a certain level of control over everything in his life to feel even a little at-ease, and intimacy is no exception. It won't take long into a relationship with him for it to become clear that he's happiest and most satisfied when you're a good, docile little pet for him.

- It's not extremely obvious at first, but Hubert's body is very sensitive and very touch-shy, simply due to lack of exposure. He's had a few sexual partners, though largely for pragmatic, political purposes, so the experience of being with you and wanting so badly to be truly intimate with you is completely new to him. Add this to the fact that, at his core, he still believes you deserve so much better than he could ever give you in all things, and you've got yourself a complex over-thinker in your bed. This is part of why dominating you is so soothing to him. When you're his personal needy kitten, he can direct you as he pleases, catering your treatment to his comfort level.

- Hubert gets very invested in the finer details of your submission. He takes great care to select a collar custom made for you, and will manage everything from your posture to your line of sight to when you're allowed to cum. He does not suffer brats; misbehaving will result in literal hours of punishment, and you're lucky if it only amounts to spanking. He's much more likely to tie you, or even magically restrain you on his bed completely exposed (or in a shamefully erotic outfit) and tease your clit/head of your cock until tears wet your eyes and you beg him to be allowed to cum.

- That all said, if you're a very, very good pet for him- or if you're someone a bit more shy or anxious in bed, he is capable of being a very soft and caring Dom. This even surprises him, but he can't help brushing a gloved hand to your cheek as you take his cock into your pretty lips, and he murmurs, "That's right, my dearest, just like that. You're doing wonderfully- just a little longer for me and I swear that I'll satisfy you."

[merotm-a]

  you know .... ever since i remade + switched from being t//wst main to fandomless i’ve had some things i wanted to get off my chest about it all. and i think i’m gonna do it now because it does affect my ability sometimes to get on and write on this blog. pls go ahead and blacklist ‘vent.’ if ur not interested in seeing this post but i just have had enough of thinking on it. 

  this is like a rpc callout tbh 

  for me, personally, i can’t enjoy the series or writing in the verse as much as i did before bc of things that go on in this rpc sometimes (not all the time or at least not that i’m aware of nor do i wanted to be made aware of more than i already know). 

  first of all, the division in this place is terrible for lack of a better term. if u end up being ostracized from one group you’ve essentially lost like half of the potential writing partners in this space. if this fandom were bigger, getting pushed out or cut off or what have you wouldn’t be so bad but it’s not a big fandom so it’s like ‘ oh well ’ if that happens. secondly - and idk if it’s just bc i only talk to like two or three people consistently enough so i’m out of the loop or whatever - the amount of ooc shit talking that goes on behind the scenes away from the public eye is frankly appalling. there is no reason why there are little groups dedicated to talking shit about other rpers in the fandom. if you have a problem with someone, you can go talk to them. 

  if you don’t like someone, just block them or blacklist their tag or whatever you need to do to have a peace of mind. that’s what i do when my mutuals interact with ppl i don’t like or i have blocked. i just move on. y’know, like a normal person. literally no excuse to be in dms saying awful things about people or making people feel shitty like they might get blocked just because they disagree with you on something or for whatever other silly little reason that may be ( like you just talk to someone they don’t like or have a problem with ). 

  why is there always this constant feeling of walking on egg shells ??? the tumblr rpc can be toxic; i know i’ve been here since like 2012. but this is on a different level since i’ve been on this platform. 

  regarding the pro vs. anti stuff that goes on in this rpc ( i literally never came into contact with this stuff much until i got here ). now, i am personally someone who adheres to the ‘you do you’ mentality. i have content i won’t write and that i wouldn’t be fine seeing from my mutuals hence why i either unfollow or block someone if they write said content; i leave people alone to write what they write. THAT ALL BEING SAID, this is a public platform, so when you write stuff that is publicly frowned upon, you really shouldn’t be that surprised when people have issues with it or give it attention bc, you know, you’re putting it out there. people being rightfully uncomfortable when you write sensitive subjects isn’t “”harassment”” and certainly doesn’t make you a victim. 

  on the flip side, i personally think that you can’t just jump to conclusions based on what someone writes right off the bat since quite a few of us also write for fandoms that are violent or have darker topics woven into the narrative and doing so can come across as being bad faith and lacking nuance. a lot of my evaluation is based on the intention of the writer ( why are you writing this ? are you doing it respectfully ? do you really HAVE to incorporate this into your character / story - if it’s original for an oc or hc for a canon ). frankly, if you’re writing downright terrible things because you get off on it then it shouldn’t come as a surprise that people will criticize or ostracize you; you’re not treating the subject matter with the appropriate time and respect it deserves. and not only that, instead of writing such a thing privately, by writing it on a public platform you are subjecting it to people who could potentially read it and judge it.

  saying that i support murder because i have a character that kills someone is downright stupid and it takes away any nuance in this line of thinking. 

  everyone does have a responsibility to curate their own space to navigate the internet as much as possible but they also have a responsibility to not subject others to unwarranted, unwanted and potentially triggering content ( either through having a proper tagging system or writing this stuff privately or on another website ). 

  the pressure to have labels in this rpc is dumb imo because they really don’t explain everything that person is thinking or what they actually support. you can be an ‘ anti ‘ but still be okay with writing a toxic dynamic between two characters provided it’s done right. you can be ‘ pro ‘ but not support certain things like CP or n*ncon. it’s dumb. it’s pointless. idk why this rpc is rampant with this issue in particular but it’s one of the main reasons that so much shit goes on. 

[a-froger-epic]

tw: mention of eating disorders

hey i read something about freddie having an eating disrorder, and I hate asking this but could you please explain if you know anything about it. my poor baby :(

Hey anon!

I’m sorry it took me a while to reply. This is a sensitive topic for many, so I wanted to take my time and give you the nuanced reply it deserves.

I’ve talked about this a little before, but I might as well take the opportunity now to speak about it at length. This is only my personal opinion based on everything I’ve read about Freddie and many different takes I’ve seen others put forward.

So, did Freddie have an eating disorder?

The shortest answer to that, as far as I’m concerned, is... maybe?

Before I carry on, I’d like to say that I think everyone is free to speculate about this and make up their own mind, as well as creatively explore this in their writing, and I don’t consider my opinion to be any more correct than anyone else’s.

Why do people think Freddie might have had an ED?

There are a few things about Freddie and food which could be interpreted as ED behaviours. First off, here is what Phoebe has to say about Freddie and his eating habits:

His taste in food changed over the years I was with Freddie. When I started the group of us would make monthly visits to the restaurant Shezan, an Indian eatery, in Knightsbridge. Freddie never had a menu as they always provided his favourite selection of foods without asking. As his illness progressed, his taste buds could not take the assault of spicy foods and he tended to more bland foods. He also turned his eating habits around. He used to have a lighter meal at lunch and then have a big meal in the evening, usually at a restaurant with a big group of friends. Towards the end he would eat more at lunch and a smaller meal in the evenings.

Nothing much out of the ordinary here, as far as I can see. Freddie definitely had favourite foods he enjoyed, but then, a common misconception is that people with EDs don’t like/enjoy food, and that isn’t true. Phoebe also says this:

As I have said before, Freddie was a very light eater. Some of us live to eat, but Freddie was one of those people who ate to live. He was the master of moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten a good amount. He did enjoy good food, but really didn’t need to consume very much. He loved entertaining guests at meals in the dining room at Garden Lodge and was able to disguise his non-eating by making sure everyone else was ok during the meal. Don’t get me wrong, Freddie always ate enough to keep him going, but I can’t remember one time when he leant back in the chair saying ‘I’m stuffed!’

Now here we have a lot of things to unpack. There are three things in here - moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten more, disguising his non-eating and never eating enough to be full - which are definitely known ED behaviours.

However, people who just do not care about food all that much and are light eaters do also exist. In fact, I’m one of them myself. I did struggle with Disordered Eating in my teens and my early 20s, but I have a healthy relationship with food now and I never like to eat until I’m stuffed because it’s not a nice feeling, physically, to overeat. I’m also someone who easily and genuinely forgets to eat when I’m in a creative haze. Just as an example.

Also, seeing as Freddie most likely was made to finish meals all throughout his boarding school times, like many children in lunch halls, which is usually not a great experience for children who are picky or light eaters, the “moving food around the plate to make it seem he’s eaten” could well be an old habit stemming from there.

Either way, Phoebe doesn’t seem too concerned about Freddie’s eating, and even though people with EDs are very good at hiding them, Phoebe did know him for a long time and very, very well. Phoebe could also be withholding information that he considers too private. All of that is possible, all of that is speculation.

There are other things which point to the fact that Freddie was definitely preoccupied with his weight/appearance. In this interview in 1974, he says:

“Oh really,” he exclaims in disgust, “this paper has no flair - I mean to print this picture three times in succession … and just look at my arms!” He was horrified, “look at how fat they appear, now my arms aren’t like that at all - what do you think?” He rolls up his sleeves for me to inspect and I’d like to state here and now that the poor dear’s arms are quite, quite slender!

The photo Freddie is most likely talking about, is this one:

It’s not a very fortunate angle, admittedly. So I think it’s possible to see where he was coming from, but even so, he was worried about his arms looking fat at a time when he looked like this:

Yes, it is important to keep in mind that people were generally thinner in the 70s than we are used to now. (Brian, for example, was also incredibly thin.) But in this picture it really is evident that Freddie was very, very thin at this point.

Other things which are often brought into the discussion around Freddie’s eating habits is the account of him throwing a fit when Brian ate one of his biscuits once, choosing to walk after a meal at a restaurant while his driver drove alongside him and his friends, eating cereal on the floor in his dressing room, this picture where he clearly prefers salad to chicken wings (unlike Roger “What Even Are Vegetables” Taylor):

All of the above, to me, are things which can be heavily read into but ultimately don’t prove very much.

And there is this bit from Mercury & Me:

The Sun did later print a photograph of Freddie taken while he was performing at the festival, which he didn't appreciate. It showed off "Flabulous Freddie" with a slight paunch, wickedly describing it as his "midriff bulge". When he saw the picture he looked at me and shook his head in despair. 'It's typical,' he said. 'If I'm slim the papers say I'm too thin and if I put on a little bit of a belly they say I'm too fat. It's a no-win situation.'

Now, that doesn’t give off the impression to me that Freddie was particularly distraught about that article, at that point in his life. But it certainly appears to have bothered him to some degree.

So what’s the conclusion?

To me, personally, it seems quite likely that Freddie did suffer from Disordered Eating in the early to mid 70s. That’s really not uncommon, sadly, although it usually afflicts young women more than young men. But he was in the spotlight and had to care about his appearance. He was clearly very preoccupied with it, not only when it came to his body, but his looks in general - there is plenty of evidence regarding that. He was very selective about which photographs of himself he did and didn’t like. However, I find it impossible to say just how much this preoccupation affected him exactly. 1974 especially was also a very taxing year for Queen. Their management was shit, they struggled with money, they almost lost Brian, their touring schedules were brutal, the press was bashing them, Freddie was struggling with his sexual identity. There were a lot of immense stress factors, and he could have very well been someone who responded to stress by not eating - just like others respond to stress by eating too much. And Disordered Eating is not classed as an eating disorder. It is, if you will, the beginning of one.

Or, he absolutely could have developed or already had an actual ED which he was hiding fairly well, and it could have affected him a lot, but nobody would have ever known because he would have been unlikely to ever speak to anybody about it.

Both is possible. I simply don’t think that there is enough information to do more than speculate on the matter, beyond: He had a preoccupation with his looks and minded what and how much he ate throughout his life.

However, in the second half of the 70s as well as the 80s, he was still thin but had started working out and looked more “athletic” thin rather than gaunt. I think it’s entirely possible that whatever issues Freddie had with food were not a constant thing but something that may have been worse and better at times, depending on his overall mental well-being and his levels of confidence.

Or, it could have been something that he always struggled with.

Again, as far as I am concerned, both is possible and I don’t feel I can say for certain. And so, my take leans towards Disordered Eating when younger and less preoccupation with it later on. That’s the impression I get.

But I wrote all this out so that others can make up their own minds, and rather than share my exact opinion, I encourage you to do just that.

[tundrainafrica]

hi! i just wanted ask how can you not be so pressured to change hange’s gender to your fics (she to they/them) despite that many twitter users are saying that “au authors must use they/them to hange because they are canonically NB” . because to be honest, as an aspiring writer who is working on her first levihan fic, i feel so pressure or maybe obligied to use they/them pronouns for hange.

Hello Anon,

Thanks for the ask!

To be honest, I actually was pressured to use ‘they’ tbh. In fact, I was so pressured I actually did a lot of research on this and put a lot of thought into my decision to use ‘she’ as my chosen pronoun for Hange.

But tbh, I think I am pretty confident with the amount of research and the amount of thought I put into it that I don’t think I will be using ‘they’ in my fics anytime soon. 

Disclaimer: This doesn’t mean at all that I don’t like reading ‘they’ fics nor that I don’t like seeing people use ‘they.’ Tbh I don’t really mind whatever people use? I can enjoy a fic with either pronoun, I can enjoy a good meta with either pronoun. I have my own personal reasons for using they. 

Some of the reasons why: 

Personal HC 

Personal HC but I’m still gonna drop this here. 

To make things clear, I headcanon Hange as gender fluid. I headcanon her as sexuality fluid that personally, I’m not too much a fan either of fics that portray Hange as overly feminine either. So I have seen people who request that we do not use overly female or feminine words with Hange. Which yes, I don’t do them. But was a peer pressured into not using them? 

No, not really. I just personally think Levi would prefer the word partner if he was with Hange. I personally think that Hange would not have liked to fall into traditional female roles either. 

At the same time, I thought about the concept of using ‘they’ as a pronoun with Hange then I couldn’t help but think, it just isn’t in my personal interpretation of Hange to correct people. Hange is too much of a free bird to actually care what people use. Hange would probably respond to he, she, they or whatever and she probably wouldn’t correct anyone calling her mr., mrs. etc.

And in the context of Filo soc med AUs, Hange would probably respond to ate, kuya. (And besides, what is the gender neutral form of ate or kuya??? Mamsir)

And generally the default for most people is to look at someone and think okay, she’s a girl, I think I’ll use ‘she’ first. Or okay, that’s a guy, I think I’ll use ‘he’ first and what usually happens is if anyone is particularly conscious about the pronoun used on them, they will correct the other person. 

But there are people out there, who don’t care whether someone uses she, he, they, mr., mrs, ma’am, sir. For example, personally for me, I wouldn’t bother to correct anyone. And I headcanon that Levi and Hange wouldn’t have cared either. 

I’m sure people who read my fics would notice, I do put a lot of research when I write because I like to make things as realistic and as in character as possible.  So to get into the spirit of my fic and whatever setting I’m writing, I try to capture everything to a T and given the overall landscape and setting I’m writing about and given my own headcanons of Levi and Hange I decided on she.

Because in my headcanon, if someone were to ask Hange what pronoun she preferred? Hange probably would have said any. 

Likewise, if anyone asked Hange what her gender was, Hange probably would have said ‘any’ also.

And the setting of the show is practically medieval and gender identity is a relatively new concept. I don’t think many people would have spent too much time pondering ideas like individualism and  gender identity when they’re literally facing death everyday.  Actually a lot of the great thinking happened after the war, and when there was actually food on the table. Because people weren’t actually hungry everyday anymore so they had time to think about more modern thoughts. 

‘She’ is still an NB pronoun 

I answered this in another ask already. But the point behind this, is although ‘they’ is the go to non binary pronoun, there are NB people who go by she too. And creating this idea that all gender fluid characters HAVE to go by ‘they’ is dangerous in itself because the reason we had gender discrimination in the first place is because we had these boxes to fit ourselves into. So if a NB person wants to go by ‘she’ or ‘he’ or ‘they’ who are we to stop them? 

And I said it many times myself. We will never know which pronoun Hange would have preferred for herself. 

I get confused. 

This is a shallow reason but I’m gonna drop this here anyway. I get confused when I see ‘they.’ I read a lot of content which uses ‘they’ for Hange and I get confused a lot of the time that I have to read the sentences like three times because I end up thinking ‘Hange and who?’

I know I should have gotten used to it by now, but I still get confused because english is the only language I use on a regular basis that actually has such strict rules for how to navigate gendered pronouns.

I don’t wanna be peer pressured into doing shit just coz. 

Tbh, for me, as long as I did my research, as long as I can argue both sides as to why and as long as I am confident in the fact that I have thought about this enough before deciding on this, I will not change it. 

I am pretty convinced that a lot of people who actually go all the way as to attack someone on twitter and to cancel them (over a lot of topics tbh) haven’t done their due research. 

Because most of the people I know who have done their due research wouldn’t be fighting (on Twitter OF ALL PLACES) in the first place. 

Because doing actual research (which means reading articles which support both sides of the argument) will only make people realize that the world is too grey and too complex to ever make pushing their own agenda, ‘cancelling’ someone and calling them transphobic, homophobic, racist etc ect  or as they like to call ‘educating’ someone the right thing to do. Believe me, if people genuinely wanted to educate someone, they would slide into their DMs and calmly tell them their own opinion, ask why the other person believes a certiain way and you know, be ready to learn something too because education is a two way street. And if the conversation isn’t going anywhere, I think any level headed person would probbaly just give up and do something more worth while with their time than cancel some stranger on social media.

Regardless though, I respect either decision and I recognize the fact that a lot of Hange stans are very much more comfortable with the pronoun ‘they’ My general practice when navigating this sensitive topic is to use ‘they’ for Hange when talking to someone who prefers ‘they’ because it’s a conversation and in conversation, the space becomes something shared between me and the other person so I would do my part to make it as comfortable for them as possible. 

But here’s the thing, my fic is my space. It’s a house I built for myself and the readers are the visitors that come in and out as they please. No one is forced to read my fic and never have I and never will I tie someone down on a chair and not free them until they read my work. 

It’s my fic. It’s my work and I can do whatever I want with it.

People tend to forget that in the end this is a fandom space and people should be free to headcanon things however they want. They should be free to explore whatever themes they want. And I like to do my part to promote this type of environment by sticking to a few iron clad rules.

I write what I want to write.

Don’t like, don’t read.

Content is free. There’s a back button and if you do not appreciate the themes someone is exploring or the headcanons someone is applying to their fic, you may click the back button and look for something that doesn’t offend you. 

(I’m gonna end up digressing a bit here so feel free not to read the rant below)

There are an infinite number of headcanons and ideas which ideally should be able to exist. Yet because of this constant need to be politically correct and this constant fear that we might be offending someone and we might end up cancelled, a lot of people have been watching their own creative works more than necessary. 

I actually fear that there are a lot of good ideas and there are a lot of themes that could have been explored but weren’t. 

And this is why I love ao3 a lot. Ao3 is free from societal pressure, corporate synergy and I appreciate the fact that in that space, I’m free to explore whatever themes I want. I can read something pro-rape, I can read something anti-rape. I can read something pro abuse, I can read something anti-abuse etc etc. 

I personally have very liberal views and obviously I am not for rape or abuse in ANY situation.

But I am also the type of person who will read things that celebrate a controversial topic and things that will attack that same topic because I just generally want a more nuanced opinion on a lot of things. Because when I have seen both sides of the spectrum, then it’s just easier for me to proudly say ‘Yes, I believe this’ or ‘No, I don’t believe that.’

And I think these pieces should be available for other people to explore so that they can for themselves form more nuanced opinions on whatever topics come their way and the more sides people are aware of that exist, the less likely we’re going to end up with groupthink or hivemind situations which have fucked people over countless times in history already.

Should questionable content be widely available? Personally no but I don’t think it should be completely unavailable.

Regardless these potentially offensive pieces should exist and  I’m saying this for both controversial topics such as rape and abuse and something as relatively harmless as Hange being referred to as ‘she’ on a fic. All stories exploring every facet and every side regardless of how controversial should exist in this space because these promote discourse and they promote thinking. These pieces of work that explore taboo and offensive topics and the discourse these create only serve to make our opinions more nuanced so at least we aren’t blinded or we don’t have these half assed opinions only fueled by having read material created by people who are biased to one particular side. At least we have enough fuel for ourselves to say ‘Yes I have read this and now I can more proudly say I believe this more.’  

Whatever opinions I have made for myself about social issues are only how they are because I listen to both sides of the argument. I like to play devil’s advocate. I like to listen to people even if I don’t agree with what they’re saying. 

And I like finding compromises so that people can co-exist and I like tweaking my opinions everyday based on new information I learn.

And personally, there are so many views I hate and there are types of topics I personally would prefer not to explore but I still believe in the back of my mind they should exist. And if we do whitewash or try to force everyone to adjust their works to whatever side we deem is more ‘politically correct,’ then we will lose facets of the fandom that could have existed, that could have promoted a more colorful discourse and that could have sprouted new ideas and new ways of thinking which may be even more creative if people weren’t so scared to be cancelled or wrong.

It’s different in a conversation. I will adjust the way I speak, the way I navigate interactions with people in a shared space. 

But no one is forced to read my works no one is forced to read fanfiction so cancelling someone over how they go about their creative works will always be worse in my book than someone who is exploring problematic themes. (As long as that person tags their trigger material properly and isn’t forcing anyone to read it or forcing their own personal beliefs on anyone or attacking them)

Anyway, sorry for the long ass rant again but I hope you get the courage to use whatever pronouns you want for Hange. 

I hope this makes you realize that there really isn’t a black and white to this. And this is a fandom space. Do whatever you want. Headcanon whatever you want. Just be respectful and kind.

[song-of-oots]

Fuchsia Groan: my (un)exceptional fave

A while ago a friend of mine was asking for people to name their favourite examples of strong female characters, and my mind immediately leapt to Gormenghast’s Fuchsia Groan because it always does whenever the words “favourite” and “female character” come up in the same sentence. In fact scratch that, if I had to pick only one character to be my official favourite (female or otherwise) it would probably be Fuchsia. There are not sufficient words in the English language to accurately describe how much I love this character.

The issue was that I’m not sure Fuchsia Groan can accurately be described as “strong”, and until my friend asked the question, it hadn’t even occurred to me to analyse her in those terms… 

Actually this isn’t completely true; Mervyn Peake does describe Fuchsia as strong in terms of her physical strength on multiple occasions. But in terms of her mental strength things are less clear cut. She’s certainly not a total pushover, and anyone would probably find it tough-going to cope with the neglect, tragedy and misuse she suffers through. In fact, this is something Mervyn Peake mentions himself – whilst also pointing out that Fuchsia is not the most resilient of people:

“There were many causes [to her depression], any one of which might have been alone sufficient to undermine the will of tougher natures than Fuchsia’s.”

Anyway, this has gotten me thinking about Fuchsia’s other traits and my reasons for loving her, going through a typical sort of list of reasons people often give for holding up a character as someone to admire:

So, is Fuchsia particularly talented?

No.

Is she clever, witty?

She’s definitely not completely stupid, and her insights occasionally take other characters by surprise, but she’s not really that smart either.

Does she have any significant achievements? Overcome great adversity?

Not really, no.

Is she kind?

Yes. Fuchsia is a very loving person and sometimes displays an incredible sensitivity and compassion for others. But… she can also be self-absorbed, highly strung, and does occasionally lash out at other people (especially in her younger years).

So why do I love Fuchsia so much?

Well, I’ll start be reiterating that I don’t really have the vocabulary to adequately put it into words, but I will try to get the gist across. So:

“What Fuchsia wanted from a picture was something unexpected. It was as though she enjoyed the artist telling her something quite fresh and new. Something she had never thought of before.”

This statement summarises not only Fuchsia but also the way I feel about her (and for that matter the Gormenghast novels in general). Fuchsia is something I’ve never really seen before. On the surface, she fits the model of the somewhat spoiled but neglected princess, and yet at the same time she cannot be so neatly pigeon-holed. It’s not just that her situation and the themes of the story make things more complex (though that is a factor); Fuchsia herself is so unique and vividly detailed that she manages to be more than her archetype. She feels like a real person and, like all real people, she is not so easy to label.

Fuchsia is also delightfully strange in a way that feels very authentic to her and the setting in general (which is particularly refreshing because it can all too often feel as though female characters are only allowed to be strange in a kooky, sexy way - yet Fuchsia defies this trend).

She’s a Lady, but she’s not ladylike. She’s messy. She slouches, mooches, stomps and stands in awkward positions. Her drawing technique is “vicious” and “uncompromising”. She chews grass. She removes her shoes “without untying the laces by treading on the heels and then working her foot loose”. She’s multi-faceted and psychologically complex. Intense and self-absorbed, sometimes irrational and ruled by her emotions more than is wise, but also capable of insight and good sense that takes others by surprise. She is extremely loving and affectionate, and yet so tragically lonely. Simultaneously very feminine and also not. Her character development from immature teenager to adult woman is both subtle and believable. She has integrity and decency – she doesn’t need to be super clever or articulate to know how to care for others or stand up for herself.

Fuchsia is honest. She knows her own flaws, but you never catch her trying to put on airs or make herself out to be anything other than what she is. She always expresses her feelings honestly.

She’s not sexualised at all. I don’t mean by this that she has no sexuality – though that’s something Peake only vaguely touches on – but I don’t really feel like I’m looking at a character who was written to pander to the male gaze (though her creator is male, I get the vibe he views her more as a beloved daughter than a sexual object).

Finally, I find her highly relatable. I am different to Fuchsia in many ways, but we do have several things in common that I have never seen so vividly expressed in any other character. This was incredibly important to me when I was a teenager struggling through the worst period of depression I ever experienced – because she was someone who I could relate to and love in a way I was incapable of loving myself. Her ability to be herself meant a lot to me as someone struggling with my own identity and sense of inadequacy. It didn’t cure my depression, but it helped me survive it.

What am I trying to say with all this?

I love Fuchsia on multiple levels. I love her as a person and also as a character and a remarkable piece of writing. I mention some of the mundane details Peake uses to flesh out her character firstly because I enjoy them, but also because it’s part of the point. Her story amazes me because it treats a female character and her psychological and emotional life with an intense amount of interest regardless of any special talents or achievements she happens to exhibit. She doesn’t fit the model of a modern heroine but neither does she need to – she’s still worth spending time with and caring about.*  To me the most important things about Fuchsia are how different and interesting and relatable she is – and how real she feels.

* To be honest, this is part of the point of the Gormenghast novels in general. The story is meant to illustrate the damage that society – and in particular rigid social structures and customs – can do to individuals with its callous indifference to genuine human need. Fuchsia is one of many examples of this throughout the novels. These characters don’t need to be exceptionally heroic in order to matter – they just need to exist as believable people. And despite how strange they all are, they often do manage to be fundamentally relatable.

Why am I talking about female characters in particular here?

The focus on “strong” female characters and the critique against that is pretty widely acknowledged. Growing up, I definitely noticed the lack of female characters in popular media and the ensuing pressure this then places on the ones that do exist to be positive representations of womankind – someone girls can look up to. It’s very understandable that we want to see more examples of admirable female protagonists, given that women were traditionally left to play support roles and tired stereotypes. The problem is that the appetite for more proactive female heroines can sometimes lead to characters who are role models first and realistic human beings second (characters who I mentally refer to as Tick-All-The-Boxes Heroines). It’s not a problem with “strong” proactive heroines per se, but rather lack of variation and genuine psychological depth (not to mention a sometimes too-narrow concept of what it even means to be strong).

Male characters tend not to have this particular problem because they are much better represented across the whole range of roles within a story. You get your fair share of boring worn out archetypes. You get characters who are meant to represent a positive version of heroic masculinity (and now that I come to think of it, having a very narrow and unvarying presentation of what positive masculinity looks like is its own separate problem, but outside the scope of this particular ramble). We don’t usually spend time obsessing over whether a piece of fiction has enough examples of “strong” male characters though, because we’re generally so used to seeing it that we automatically move on into analysing the work and the characters on other terms. And because there are often more male characters than female, they don’t all bear the burden of having to be a positive representative of all men everywhere. They exist to fulfill their roles, and often exhibit more variety, nuance and psychological depth. They are also often allowed to be weird, flawed and unattractive in ways that women usually aren’t (which is a damn shame because I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a weird outsider and yet this perspective is so often told primarily through a male lens).

Tl:dr; Fuchsia Groan is a character who feels like an answer to so many of those frustrations that I felt growing up without even truly understanding why. A large part of why I love her is simply because of how much I relate to her on a personal level. I admire her emotional honesty and her loving nature… But there’s also a part of me that was just so relieved to find a female character who exists outside of the usual formulae we seem to cram women into. She is unique, weird and wonderful (but non-sexualised). Psychologically nuanced and vividly written. She isn’t exceptionally heroic or talented or a high achiever – but she does feel like a real person.

Female characters don’t need to tick all the right boxes in order to be interesting or worth our time any more than the male ones do.