#no YOU have a crush on het shut up!

[femmmie]

My teenager self was so into Linkin Park, this song captures the essence of angst so perfectly and i was super angsty lmao. This song just SPOKE to me. and Emily really makes it her own. I'm so happy for Mike, they are going to do great things 💜

[sevensoulmates]

BTW predictability isn't a bad thing in writing. If you set up your characters in a certain way, and reinforce many times through various writing techniques that a character's storyline should go in a very specific direction, then it's not a bad thing to have the predictable thing actually happen. That's called GOOD writing. That's called giving your audience a satisfactory payoff.

911 specificly:

If Eddie experiencing cyclical comp-het, or constantly saying that dating women feels like a "performance" and that he wishes he could be "normal" sounds like a "predictable" set up for a queer realization arc, then it's normal to expect one at some point. It would be a natural next-step in his arc.

If the constant hints at Buck being "not straight", crushing on boys, being receptive to the possibility of dating boys, not shutting down people who question his sexuality, feels like it would be "predictable" for Buck to come out as bi (or otherwise specified queer) at some point then it's not a bad thing to just do it!

The audience doesn't need to be "surprised" and writers don't have to come up with absurd plot twists in order to be seen as ground-breaking or compelling.

Stories reaching their natural conclusions/next steps IS compelling all on its own. Two men discovering their sexualities later in life and having the courage to break all stereotypes and go for what they want IS compelling.

[mapplesand]

Gender Chart with Marco/Tristan (AU)

this post is going to be LONG because I autismed too close to the sun, just click on the "see more" if you actually want to dive with me in madness and gender

what I mean by gender chart is, well, exactly what it means actually, I just took every option (except non binary because i couldn't think of anything) and I just dive into how the dynamics would play out with my ocs ! it's just me being autistic

tw for internalized transphobia in a lot of these

this is the gender chart that i actually didnt take the time to edit any more than that because i expended too much lol

Cis Marco/cis girl Tristan

if cis girl Tristan is a lesbian than this is hilarious because Marco would get hit by the reality that he will never be with a woman ever

if somehow girl Tristan isn’t a lesbian you might think that this is just a boring het couple now and just giving Marco an easy win with getting the girl while being the most unhinged guy ever about women

well this is underestimating the power of Tristan and autism, and also judging Marco a bit too quick

first of all whatever gender Tristan is, just know that he’s always going to be taller than Marco so cis girl Tristan is a giant weird autistic girl who’s very oblivious to the world around her and Marco’s attempts at flirting are just flying over her head

I also think that Marco would be caught in the paradox of unhinged behaviors and then remembering he’s supposed to make himself look good and he starts to panic because he doesn’t know how to behave like a normal person in front of a girl

Tiphaine (Tristan’s girl name lol) wouldnt care at all how he acts, actually she thinks it’s funny when he’s making a fool out of himself

the more their friendship grows the more he stops to act like girls are a different species and get as comfortable as he would be in canon with Tristan which means Tiphaine gets these kind of texts out of nowhere

Marco : yeah I mean the porn I’m watching isnt doing for me it’s boring as fuck it’s actually funny

Tiphaine : huh

Tiphaine : you’re watching porn AND talking to me ?

Marco : …

Marco : FUCK

Marco : it was a joke don’t take it seriously

Tiphaine : I mean you would do that that’s why I’m asking

Marco : you’re making me sound like a pervert now

Tiphaine : but YOU ARE

Marco : THATS NOT THE POINT SHUT UP

you know what maybe they’ll get together because they’re stupid, because Marco can’t keep his mouth shut and even if he often forget that Tiphaine is a girl he has a crush on, she’s still a girl he has a crush on

and Tiphaine probably likes the attention just like Tristan did in the canon storyline, it’s all about being oblivious until Marco is really fucking stupid about it and you can’t really ignore it anymore but you don’t say anything about it, not because you’re uncomfortable but because someone is being stupid because they like you (that’s just how Tristan works in canon)

they probably get together at the end of sophomore year/during the summer break, would Marco use the same “I wonder how kissing feels like” tactics ? Yes, yes he would, would Tiphaine pretends to fall for that ? Yeah, she would

Marco probably feels embarrassed that he’s shorter than his girlfriend and then he remembers that he’s at boobs height and actually, it’s not so bad, also they’re both aware that Marco’s type usually have bigger chest but in the end, boobs are boobs so he doesn’t care

also Marco gets pegged, I’m trying not to get too suggestive with all of them but sometimes you have to say it

Cis Tristan/cis girl Marco

I mean Tristan is still gay so they would just be friends or something like that, girl Marco would definitely think Tristan is flirting with her tho lol, girl is still desperate

She would probably do very stupid things because she wants his attention and doesn’t realize she’s crushing on a GAY MAN, then she would be very embarrassed over everything and flop on her bed face down and lay there for one hour while Tristan tries to laugh it off

they give off a very Tyler and Carmen energy in this one tbh, unhinged girl and autistic boy

Marcy, contemplating life : why are all the good men gay

Tristan : why do you sound like an incel

Marcy : no I’m a femcel

-

Tristan : listen... i have something to tell you

Marcy : (oh my god he's gonna finally confess)

Tristan : i'm gay

Marcy : ....WHAT

-

Marcy : but we cuddled on my bed so much how is that even possible

Tristan : we're just touch starved Marcy

Marcy : BUT I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU THATS NOT FAIR

Tristan : I KNOW I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU WITHOUT CRUSHING YOUR DREAMS AND MAKING THINGS AWKWARD

also yeah, there’s some timeline where they don’t always end up together, but I think it’s funnier this way, I mean, femcel and gay best friend is peak

Cis girl Marco/cis girl Tristan

this one is great because I don’t think being cis girls would change them that much so you just have to imagine an equally deranged Marcy (girl Marco) I think she tries really hard to be not like others girls because she always failed to be the perfect daughter so she’s not bothering anymore

Tiphaine thinks she’s being really good at not showing she’s a lesbian and then she’ll stare at Marcy’s boobs for the entire conversation and wanting so bad to recreate the meme “this looks heavy let me help you”

they get together the same way they do in canon which means they get drunk and Marcy asks Tiphaine if she can kiss her to see if she likes girls and Tiphaine is more than happy to help

again Marcy is at boobs height, the hugs are great she’s in heaven, I also think they’re both checking each others out in absolutely 0 subtle way, Tiphaine has a flat chest but it won’t stop Marcy from staring at it

I think for the rest it’s like their canon selves, just make it weird smelly girls edition

Cis Marco/transmasc Tristan

Marco thinking he finally got a girlfriend and then Tristan comes out as a man

he’s probably confused and it takes some key elements to understand trans identity because cis Marco doesn’t know anything about LGBT issues, he probably says a bunch of dumb stuff because he doesn’t really understand what Tristan feels but he wouldn’t say anything hurtful on purpose, Tristan probably calls him out on the bullshit and Marco just shut up about it

the rest is pretty much the same as in canon but Marco is stuck in the paradox of wanting to touch Tristan’s boobs and the fact that he doesn’t want to be weird about it so you just have to imagine him sit on the edge of the bed while Tristan takes off his shirt

Marco : huh tell me if it sounds weird as fuck but, will you ever get like, top surgery or something ?

Tristan : I don’t know, they’re not bothering me that much they’re just chilling you know, plus it’s expensive as fuck I think there’s more important stuff like, taxes

Marco : yeah okay, that’s fair, yeah

Tristan : you know you can just tell me if you’re worrying about the fact that you keep using them like a stress ball and that if I get rid of them you wouldn’t be able to do that anymore

Marco : THATS WASNT ABOUT THAT AT ALL I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR WELLBEING

I also think that Tristan being who he is would randomly points out how funny it is that they’re both men with boobs but Marco is cis and Marco starts yelling at him that his boobs are pecs and that he’s totally manly okay ? Let’s just ignore the fact that cis marco has bigger boobs than any version of Tristan who can grow boobs in all these alternate universe

Cis Marco/transfem Tristan

Tristan “oh my god I was actually a straight woman all along” and Marco “this relationship is gay af even if it’s straight this is very different from what I imagined when I said I wanted a girlfriend”

I’m not sure what name she would chose in this one, it’s not going to be Tiphaine but it might be Angèle just like the french singer (and also it’s close to the word angel so yeah)

like the one about transmasc Tristan, Marco really doesn’t know anything, he will say stupid shit but on the other hand the more they grow in the relationship the more likely Marco is to use a lot of petnames either to annoy her or to be flirty, various things like my angel to babe (which she doesn’t like because it truly feels way to cishet couple for her) or he’ll throw a “hey gorgeous” out of nowhere, probably tries to call her french pet names and fails because he can’t pronounce any of them

Marco : hey mon… (look at his phone) cuoeure ?

Angèle : … coeur ? Like heart ? Is that what you’re trying to say ?

Marco : yeah that

from Marco accidentally being transphobic and still having to deal with his toxic masculinity towards how he views their relationship to Marco being the biggest simp ever

Angèle starting hormones in near the end of high school and suddenly Marco gets really invested in it because he realizes he’s gonna win a tall girlfriend with boobs, it’s always about boobs with him because he doesn’t get to touch boobs in the canon so he has to fulfill this dream in the others timelines somehow

monthly boobs check up together which is totally not an excuses for anything devious on anyone behalf okay

Marco : dumb question, how much oestrogen can make your boobs grow ?

Angèle : since I’m super skinny I don’t think I’ll have enough fat in my body to have much going on, so huh, I don’t really know

Marco : okay so now we’re gonna fix that eating habits AND make you grow boobs, alright let me order something really filthy

when she walks around in one of his shirt (despite being way taller than Marco, all version of Tristan are floating in his shirt because they’re just that skinny) and when she leans over it exposes literally everything and that’s how Marco will die probably

Cis Tristan/transmasc Marco

to be honest in the early concept of the story, Marco was a trans man so it would have been the same without the cis men shenanigans from him

I think Marco was too focused on socially transitioning and being bullied in his freshman year to actually think about other people but definitely had an eye on Tristan this whole time, he starts hormones in his sophomore which gives him enough confidence to talk to him but he’s also probably dealing with lots of dysphoria and just you know, his usual bad self esteem

they get together at the end of sophomore but Marco was probably beating himself up on his stupid “girl crush” and that Tristan would never date a trans man because he’s gay and Tristan is just like “I can’t believe I’m pulling a beautiful fat man that is exactly my type maybe this is a crazy dream that I’m having”

Marco : this is stupid why would you be attracted to me this body is all awful and nothing’s right with it, you’ll probably be better off with a real man with a dick or something

Tristan : okay how should I prove to you that I’m attracted to you, I’ll do anything you want me to do (he said that genuinely without any flirting intention behind)

Marco completely shifting his mood and smiling like the bastard he is : ...anything ?

Cis Tristan/transfem Marco

this would only happen if those two are together because Tristan is the one leading more healthy thinking to Marco until well the egg crack and they both stare at the ceiling wondering what’s this supposed to mean for them

complete silence until Tristan exclaim something like “does that mean I’m straight now ?”

I don’t think they would breakup, it would however lead to a lot of confusion and questioning for both of these dumbasses lol

in this case I don’t think her name would be Marcy and I think Tristan would help her chose a name because she keeps insisting that (random anime girl from her waifu list) is a good name (Tristan : no you cannot call yourself after a danganronpa character please just let me scroll through baby name site I’m begging you)

she would only start to try and transition in college tho, the egg probably cracked in junior year but she’s the type to only tell one person and never talk about it ever again

Tristan : I mean, I think sexually is as fluid as gender so it doesn’t really matter to me if you’re a girl now, I still think you’re pretty and that won’t change

Marco (whatever her chosen name would be there) : I’ll still call you a fag so don’t even try running away from that gay boy

Tristan : okay now that’s just rude I was trying to be a supportive boyfriend there

Cis girl Tristan/transmasc Marco

they probably starts off as friend, Marco is already out but tries too hard to be a macho man and to impress her just for Tiphaine to bluntly be like “what the hell are you doing”

lots of height dysphoria again, did I mention he’s at boobs height, yeah… at least he gets to act like a cis men about boobs, that’s just Marco, he loves boobs in every timeline and this whole post is making me sound insane because I just know the word count for the word boobs is INSANE I’m sorry about that, this is a post about boobs

just like canon Tristan, Tiphaine is fascinated by anatomy so huh let’s just say they explore each others body but in ways that Marco wasnt really thinking about and he gets to hear her rant about anatomy and how cool the human body and how hormones truly are a powerful things

Cis girl Tristan/transfem Marco

one autistic bitch will crack your egg in several timeline to make you realize you’re a woman, bonus point if lesbian relationship ensues

Tristan is truly bringing the best out of Marco in every timeline lol, there’s probably a lot of emotional turmoil because transfem Marco is always devastating to me (/pos)

Tiphaine probably isnt good at makeup but she’ll look at tutorial on youtube just to help her girlfriend, similarly to cis Tristan/transfem Marco, she’ll probably help her pick a new name, probably Marcy for this timeline because Tiphaine’s big brain is like okay but what if we call you Marceline like the vampire, because you’re always biting me, like a vampire, get it, and I get to be princess bubblegum, and then we both kiss

Transmasc Marco/transmasc Tristan

transmasc Marco would probably deal with a lot of dysphoria and internalized transphobia, heavy on transmed take and bad take in general that probably make him feel miserable about himself, like in the cis Tristan/transmasc Marco one, he probably starts taking testosterone in his sophomore year and probably gets top surgery as soon as he’s 18 with the help of his own money from jobs, his mother’s and a gofundme

and then there’s Tristan, androgynous he/they who doesn’t really care about how he looks, doesn’t use a binder, doesn’t plan on having top surgery either, man is chilling and that’s infuriating for Marco

honestly, Marco probably dislike him heavily throughout high school for being such a “pussy” and being quiet about his transition, and just, being way too chill about it

they probably only start talking when they realize they’re both going to the same college and have to share their dorms, Marco probably realize that Tristan is actually a pretty nice guy but he’s still very jealous because Tristan is a white skinny dude with a small chest who doesn’t care while Marco is the fat filipino guy who couldn’t look at himself in the mirror because he was nowhere near the perfect idea of being a man and even with top surgery he still feels like there’s too much going on

idk how they get together but you know they were roommates you know how it goes

you just have to imagine Marco ranting about how weird people who don’t bind or don’t want top surgery are and Tristan being like “okay then I’ll keep my shirt on for everything now” and Marco panicking “wait no not you, please your manly boobs are the only thing keeping me alive rn”

Tristan has to fuck the bad takes out of him, literally, I’m sorry, that’s how it goes sometimes, he has to realize that he can’t hate the people he wants in his bed because Tristan isnt taking shit anyway

Transfem Marco/transfem Tristan

what if we cracked each other egg and we were both girls and kissing

it’s probably one of these AU where they start talking near the end of high school where Tristan is already out and hanging out with each others makes Marco be like damn you know what I might be a woman too…

they start taking oestrogen around the same time and the world is beautiful

and I'm missing some because I'm really struggling with how they would play out so maybe i'll update later for them :

Cis girl Marco/transmasc Tristan

Cis girl Marco/transfem Tristan

Transmasc Marco/transfem Tristan

Transfem Marco/transmasc Tristan

anyway sorry I went overboard with this

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi, I noticed your bio says you’re open to giving advice and I don’t know if this is comp het or not but id be really grateful for any insight.

Basically, I am 20 and have never been in a relationship.  Is it okay to identify as a lesbian if I’ve not 100% felt like a lesbian in the past and haven’t been in a relationship?

I used to identify as bi but I now cant imagine myself or feel like I would want a relationship with a man. But because I have maybe liked a boy when I was younger I feel i should now or if it was just comp het.  It feels a bit alien to me, although if I picture it in a very queer way with me being a boy or more masculine (I am quite femme) and the boy being queer too or the perfect kind of Disney animation. I can imagine it blurrily but not really in reality. Sometimes I feel as though I need to just find a man and that I can like boys like everyone else. I feel like if i found a boy who was basically Remus lupin I might be interested and I used to find boys like timothee chalmet attractive but again, I don’t know .

I identify as a lesbian and have used the word to describe myself with friends. Although I have explained that im not sure if im bi. But I feel like I am a lesbian because the word brings me a lot of comfort, joy and is freeing. It feels like me.

The feeling that people wont see me as potentially being with a man or have men thinking id be open for a relationship with them is so nice but scary. I feel like i can talk to me friends like i would my journal, like they know me better now. I feel like for the first time in my life I feel comfortable with cis het men because it is like I can treat them like brothers I never had.

Although, at the same time I feel a lot of sadness because I never knew this. I didn’t grow up wanting a girlfriend, I felt very happy watching straight rom coms, talking about my dream wedding. I remember being on the bus at the age of 16 and seeing a random boy I didn’t know . For some reason I wanted him to notice me , wanted him to know me. It feels weird to me now, to think of how much of my early teens revolved around imagining id love a boy and believing I could when that’s so confusing to me now. Now, I feel like I actively don’t think of men because so much of my life I thought I’d had to and I don’t want that to take up space even though maybe I’m just denying I’m bi? I guess this makes me feel discomfort because i feel like ive found who i am but what if i havent.

I remember shutting the idea that I could be bi down at 15 because id never felt like that... and then realised later i was not straight because i thought about wanting a girlfriend very often. I just don’t want to be lying, but I don’t feel happy identifying as bi because I can’t imagine wanting a boyfriend. I also have never had sex, and I cannot imagine it with a man at all unless I change. I watch a lot of Tv/films with lgbtqa + characters to feel validation and comfort. I can sometimes / more often imagine having sex with a women and it feels safer in my head to me.

I have also questioned if im maybe asexual, because I don’t know comparatively what its like to really like someone and wanting sex feels quite externally pressured sometimes.

Id love to have a girlfriend and yet I haven’t found anyone that I really like. Maybe this is because I am a big introvert but hey I don’t know. Anyway, I’m sorry for this big ramble, but I guess I think about this a lot.

Hi!

First is that having had previous experiences with men or not having any type of experience in terms of relationships doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian (or any other identity for that matter).

You have to understand that sexuality can be fluid, even though it’s not fluid for a lot of people. So it’s definitely possible for you to have liked a guy in the past but right now think you don’t like men nor can’t imagining yourself with a man in the future.

Also, what you felt about that boy doesn’t mean it was a crush. When it comes to comphet our “crushes” aren’t actual crushes. You can find guys attractive while not being attracted to them. Noticing their physical beauty has nothing to do with sexuality.

When it comes to unattainable men they’re usually portrayed as perfect and made to be appealing to women, those men don’t really exist in real life.

I think trying out a label can definitely help you understand whether you actually fit that label or not. There’s nothing wrong with doing that.

And as a lesbian, I really relate to your feeling that you’re more comfortable (in some ways) around men. Because after you figure you’re a lesbian you also understand you don’t have to do anything for men and to always please them.

I think a lot of lesbians didn’t really grow up yearning to have a girlfriend, because that would mean that we all knew about our sexuality right from the start. And in the society that we live in it’s perfectly normal to figure your attraction later in life. I can speak for myself that as a child I’ve never wanted a girlfriend, but that’s because it wasn’t shown as a possibility to me, I thought only boys could be with girls in that way.

We as women (and anyone who is treated as a woman by society) are taught to like men and center them in our lives since we’re born. We’re influenced to want marriage and a family with a man, so it’s perfectly natural for little girls (even lesbians) trying imagining themselves with men and liking straight romance, because that’s the only thing you were shown as possible. I’d watch rom-coms and pretend the guy didn’t exist and that the story wasn’t all centered around a straight romance, and that would make it a little more enjoyable to watch.

Believe me I also spent my childhood and teen years revolving around eventually finding a man to settle down with. All that does not make me any less lesbian because I’m not responsible for what other people taught me was the right thing and what they influenced me to be and to believe.

A lot of the things you said I relate with, so I think you really could be a lesbian.

Now for the advices:

1) I think you should watch the comphet related videos I post here, you just click on the tag “source: patronsaintoflesbians” after you watch that video because there’s a bunch of those videos that can help you figure out your identity. 2) Maybe read both the lesbian masterdoc and the bisexual manifesto? They could help you understand your attraction (or the lack off) and even if you end up not being bi or lesbian I’d still advise reading both. The only thing is that I think you shouldn’t only rely on the videos or the masterdoc/manifesto, try watching the videos and reading the docs to make sure of your identity. The masterdoc’s link is on my pinned post.

[steeltwigz]

I just think the endgame of TV romance being Marriage and fitting into expected moulds kinda ruins it for me. Like characters dating and adopting labels like "boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other" is Fine but it makes them foreign to me bcuz I'm Aro. Obviously at the end of the day I don't care what the writers do becuz this is a very specific problem, but it's why I appreciate the way II is written especially and why all the questions of "IS FANTUBE CANON IS LIGHTBRUSH CANON DOES SILVER HAVE A CRUSH WILL THEY GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE CHILDREN AND RAISE A FAMILY AND BUY A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS" are so so SO annoying. Becuz I can understand things like mutual respect, like enjoying another person, caring for people. But like. Having a Boyfriend is something that happens in middle school. Like idk not to b rude but it's childish to me, to call someone that lmaoo. It takes me out of the show and I'm instantly put aside from the characters' relationship. And especially with queer characters, I don't like trying to fit them into the typical het relationship! Whatever they had going on before that is always way more interesting. Honestly I enjoy romance when it isn't the very underwhelming and overplayed cishet white American suburbia song and dance. These characters have such interesting dynamics, they don't Need a traditional white wedding to cap it off. Most of them wouldn't even have one imo! Why can't it be enough that they very clearly care abt each other. "It's too ambiguous!" Okay. Would that be so bad? Why do you need everything you want to be explicitly stated for you? Can't you have fun reading between the lines and extrapolating information yourself? And come on. Fantube? Fantube is Too Ambiguous? Most of them aren't, I think you just have piss-poor media literacy. Anyway. Sorry I HATE shipping. How many times do the creators have to say "guys it can't possibly be More Canon, what more do you want from us" before you all Shut Up. If Test Tube said "Fan I Have A Crush On You, Will You Be My Boyfriend" verbatim I think I'd THROW UP. They don't need labels they don't need labels they don't need labels it's way better without labels it's such a clunky and horrible thing to say anyways crushes aren't real after you graduate highschool guys come On

[majorbitchwillgraham]

I just finished another semester and so many things have happened

I have surrendered to loneliness and comp het and have fucked this guy 3 times

Well... the first we made out, the 2nd we almost had sex in his car and the 3rd we had sex

I really thought ok this is it I am bisexual? But then when we had sex I didn't feel a thing lmaoo. Maybe I am still a lesbian

Ok but who could this guy be to convince me to have sex? An ISTP guy ... oh my god. Well they are something for sure. I had never had anything with an ISTP

Last semester I was thinking how I like ESTPs so much ... well I also like ISTPs so much loll so far the only guy to convince me to have sex

ESTP psychopath is also very hot to this day but something is missing (he needs to shut up) and also he is a literal psychpath and he would sell photos of me naked, continue to manipulate me and maybe murder me one day lmaooo

Ah.. my first and only girl crush has been ISTP btw. I had no idea, I have no idea ever of what I like. Until it happens

So no...

However 1 year later ESTP psychopath still likes me. No other guy who has hit on me has looked at me like that. Like he doesnt just want sex. And his friend told me he was talking about me. But all he does is lie and manipulate me. Literal hannibal lecter

Also my closest friend here now is ISTP too. Such a sweetheart actually I love him so much. And ESTP psychopath is jealous of him bc we spend a lot of tme together loll

Oh but the ISTP guy who is..friends with benefits... is actually 10 years younger than me oh well, and an idiot with no creativity at all. I'm getting fond of him as friend, not gonna lie. He is stupid and I find that funny.

On the 3rd day we were in his car and I flirtes with him saying "oh you are already hard.." and he goes "it's always hard" lmao what is that, the hulk meme? Gjdjsk

Anyways. I even considered that if I could do it with many guys and charge money for it I would do it. How things change

So 2 ISTPs my closest friend and the guy I have fucked. I found really great mbti fanart that reminds me of us, so here it is...

Me and my friend:

Me and guy who I have had sex with:

I had no idea this was a great ship

[aroaceking]

And lots of teens don't have crushes, don't have sexual desires and aren't otherized for it at all. And aren't ace or aro for that.

I feel like we are somehow having two entirely different conversations on this. I don't disagree that there are plenty of teenagers who don't have crushes or 'sexual desires' and that are not aro or ace.

I don't even know how to make a list of all the numerous tiny and large ways I personally was treated as strange. 'Sexual desires' it's not. Ugh. Developmentally appropriate ways people may get into it are things like admiring cartoon characters or celebrities, wanting to act out dating or marriage through both pretend play and as they get a little older childhood dating (like when kids say 'blahblah is my boyfriend' regardless of even a change in behavior).

Sometimes this includes recognizing feelings of discomfort or shifting attitudes towards how they would play or imagine themselves in these dynamics for their future. Many gay and trans children may shut down on this because the roles more directly press on some of these struggles or they get attacked for the roles they attempt to play through--I know some girls where when younger it was okay for them to play the husband in pretend play but as they got older, not only were people less willing to play house, but also became critical of their desire to play a certain role within it.

This is so. I don't even know how to get into this topic. I minored in developmental psychology to try and understand myself. I tried to understand why the things that happened to me did. It feels absolutely irresponsible to both other people in situations like I had been in and just dishonest to interpret any attempt in the conversation to acknowledge why some might go towards the label at a completely developmentally appropriate time to question it.

Would you say 14 is a developmentally inappropriate age to recognize you're gay? Also I understand some gay children will shrink into the identity because they're scared of unpacking that, and sometimes they cling to it even after it would be healthier for them to move on. But they could just as easily do that with identifying as straight, especially women, who are constantly taught that it's normal to not have desires because it would be wrong for them to experience attraction (like how many lesbians who realize later in life because they just thought it was normal to not like the boyfriends or even husbands they tried to have, at least to not like them the way they actually would like a woman they were attracted to).

I just feel like so much of this conversation is weirdly centered on disproving the experiences ace and aro people try to discuss, so much so that it can also devolve into defensive aro and ace people lashing out instead of building our resources. I withdrew years ago from these conversations online because I was frustrated by the way it was escalating. Seems we never fucking moved on past 2015 discourse, just more into it.

I remember the fucking abhorrent conversations about AIDs, I remember the derailed conversations about 'queerness', I remember both the refusal to acknowledge that, yes in fact, there were aces that are both cis and het, and also the refusal to acknowledge GLAAD accepting aces as LGBT+ anyway. Because it's not a fucking innate thing, like everything it's all socially constructed and maintained and it was already a coalition, not a singular thing, and yes I am also still bothered by the refusal to properly discuss things like misogyny or trauma that props up in the community I am a part of but I am also involved in other communities that have their own struggles to identify and discuss certain issues and it's also frustrating and it's also something that does NOT get better when you make a group more defensive and upset.

quotes under read more because I'm literally confused:

"Realizing I had an experience that could be defined and also was outside of many of my friend's helped alleviate some of the panic surrounding what attraction even meant."

"it's weirder and creepier to me that you 1) equate it with sexual activity"

"It's very alienating to be a teenager and not have any crushes or understand what people are even talking about when they discuss crushes or what makes someone 'hot' or whatever fucking else and sex doesn't! Have to be a part of that even!!"

"I have friends that have admitted my confusion and lack of attraction messed up their processing of their own sexuality because of how intensely I expressed bewilderment over it."

"I know there are plenty of people who developed later. I am 28 years old now. I have seen people who developed later. Or whose development was delayed because they were dysphoric, traumatized, or struggling with internalized homophobia/just straight misogyny."

"Realizing my differences helped me with understanding and being more compassionate with my peers. It also gave the ones who cared a basis of understanding said differences in a way that helped them, too."

"And yes, plenty of people develop later/DONT have crushes and aren't ace. There's a million reasons for it."

[dxrknessembr8ced]

A few hours later....

Far within the now ruined metro city there was sounds of gun fire, the screaming and the sounds of flesh being torn apart as body parts flying and blood is spilled. The source of the sounds came from BSAA soldiers in a bloody fight against Hsien-Ko still as horrid and monstrous as ever slaughtered a whole group of these troops no matter what they gave her, she will always come on top all without help. Why is she here? Well it's all because she's protecting and saving an old friend who she had thought was dead but she should have known better that not only they aren't dead but also affected and now mutated by the same virus. That old friend is Lord Raptor, the infamous wise cracking rockstar zombie, now mutated and changed into a woman due to the virus derived from Hsien-Ko's body changing his, err... Her's body structure but more on that later for now the monstrous Jiangshi used all her strength, weapons and immense weight from her lower torso and bulkier four foot.

' PRAAACCCKKK!! '

' GRAAAASSSCCHHKK! '

' CCCRRUUUSSSHH! '

In animalistic rage she crushed them and decimated all of them until nothing is left but their mushed up and torn apart bodies. Lord Raptor stared at a state of shock as to realized she's rapidly mutating faster than Lord is. But she's thankful that they now had reunited.

" Bloody hell, you's more fucked up than I am... "

Hsien-Ko turned towards the zombie with animalistic rage in her mind, but she now begins to calm down coming to her senses.

" ....You're welcome. "

" So wot' appens now? You's gonna turn me' down an' we do our little dance again? "

She turned around and started walking back to her territory and she insisted that Lord Raptor followed.

" Follow me, and don't even try to start flirting with me. "

Of course the zombie rockstar followed her back into her territory where het offspring are, while following she stared at the bulky and muscular saurian like legs with all ten sharp toes on each foot, the long grotesque tail, the sharp dorsal spikes and her bones now act as armor on the chest and then the glowing light from her stomach. Raptor after seeing this made increased her love for the jiangshi even more.

" Aye' so fuckin' wicked...! "

Huff.

" Shut up and keep moving... "

[alarrytale]

I think anon is overexaggerating about Nick saying he is straight many times. Context is really important. When he was doing PH him and Sofia didn't have a PR relationship but they played up to the cameras, like all actors do, to sell the movie. The media did the whole "are they or aren't they dating" thing. In an interview Nick made a comment about ex girlfriends and Sofia gave him a funny look. It threw her off lmao. Iirc he also made a comment about being straight during PH era. In his more recent interviews the interviewer was really pressuring him to talk about his sexuality and it was uncomfortable. The interviewer kept assuming his sexuality and he didn't correct them. Then there was a tweet about being an ally when he worked with GLAAD. I'm not saying that he isn't straight but I don't find that proof enough that he is, or him saying he had a crush on Anne Hathaway when he was younger or whatever. He hasn't said anything that Louis hasn't said when pressured to talk about his sexuality. So I'm still keeping an open mind. If he starts making out with women and shows sexual chemistry towards them then I'll change my mind. But not based on the context of the interviews alone. Would love to hear your opinion of the Variety interview Marte! Also, just like HL's fandoms he does have het fans who try and shut down any talk about his sexuality and ship him with every woman but at the moment they seem the minority. It might change as he gets more famous.

Anon, you are going to roll over laughing at the anon i got seconds before yours. Nick's spokesperson and head of his straight defense squad just sent an ask. Giggles under the cut.

Nicholas has openly stated that he doesn’t care to be followed the way other celebrities are, that he wants his work to stand alone for what it is and that he likes to do his own thing.

It’s baffling that new fans are sitting here saying things like ‘cite your sources for us, there’s so much information, but I choose not to believe in any of it anyways because I’ve already decided he’s gay’. Simply say that you don’t care about him at all.

I understand you found a hot new guy to project all your fantasies and insecurities onto and now that Harry and Louis have essentially cut all ties with larries you all need a new project, but Nicholas isn’t going to be the one for you guys to fuck around with. He’s not indebted to the queer community, he doesn’t owe us anything. He’s a character actor moving from one thing to the next and he does not care about whether or not the 46 larries that still exist will hype him up or promote his projects. The work he has coming out in the next year is going to catapult him far beyond what larries think fame is.

Well, hello again. Asdfghjkl.

I have no horse in this race. Like i've said before i don't really mind what he identifies as. I just like him as an actor and as a person, from what i've come to know. And like i said just minutes ago, i haven't formed an opinion yet. Why would i lie about that? I could just say i think he's gay if i did? I don't form opinions on guesswork and stereotypes. And why are you so defensive? You do know that he still might be queer even if he's proclaimed himself to be straight mulitiple times? It wouldn't be the end of the world if he was queer. He'd still thrive and have a large fanbase who'd support him, including 46 larries. Even if that's not his goal.

And to you the first anon, i am inclined to agree. Context and knowledge on how the business operates is important. Saying that he had a crush on AH means little to me. He might be gay or bi/pan and closeted.

I'll give you my opinion on the variety interview when i get a chance to listen!

[momo-your-gay-is-showing]

fuck you, there's not enough content about the rich kids (momo, iida and todoroki) being the bestest of friends

i see people being all "bakusquad this, dekusquad that", which is VALID, but WHERE is my RICH KIDS SQUAD AT

[the-gay-trashmouth]

Okay so I binged q-force. Is it perfect? No. No its not- it's a comedy adult cartoon about gay spies. It was funny, it had that found family trope and it had it good rep. It had butch 4 butch rep (pam and Deb my loves) trans goth chicks, and even an older women in power who I have a permanent lesbian crush on. I see a lot of people complaining about the stereotypes - mostly Twink- but like.... Y'all realize stereotypical gay people exist, right? Like there are butch lesbians who BBQ on weekends and adopt way to many dogs. There are drag queens who are super extra and loud and sexual. There are alt queer people who like obscure shit and would maybe like to fuck robots- shut up

Like ... Gay people are allowed to act gay. Y'all know that right? Gay culture is built on the "weird". Q force gave us stereotypes but also broke them.

Twink is a top who can throw a punch and is fucking badass. His drag connections come in handy and offers them tons of Intel. I've seen people talk about how it's bad that he wants to be skinny but.... Yall know some people Wanna be skinny? And that's not a bad thing??? Like yeah it can be unhealthy but he never once commented on anyone else's weight negatively- and we had a diverse body types. Just in the force we had a muscle vers, a fat stud lesbian, a tall lanky hacker, a slim thicc drag queen, a chubby hunk, and a middle aged woman with actual proportions. Could I have done without some of the tummy tuck jokes? Yeah, sure, but y'all realize actual queens talk like that.

Then we have Deb- the only character with her life together. She and her wife are very very happy and secure and its like... One of the first butch 4 butch relationship I've seen on screen that healthy. She's a mechanic and was on surviver but she's also the mom of the group. She's in touch with her emotions, she rescues dogs, her happy place is on the phone with her wife- she is a black stud lesbian and she's not a cold mean shell of a person. How often do y'all see that????

And then Stat- STAT! she's weird!! And that's the point! She likes being weird!! She's a trans hacker badass and she fucked an AI!! She's herself and unapologetically so. While affection and emotions make her uncomfortable she's still the one to go after Twink on his birthday. She cares about them all, even in her weird goth way. Shes good rep for those of us who are the "ugly alt queer" people love to make fun of. And the force loves her and her weirdness! Her and twink- two characters on complete opposite sides of the stereotype spectrum- are like best friends. They could of had them hate each other but they don't! He loves her and her weird goth vibes, she doesn't understand his scene but loves him and his drag and never says a damn word. Also!! Her VA is a trans woman!!!!

And fucking Steve- he's the cis het ideal. Strong, masc, average gay man. He could pass as straight- but he doesn't?? He has a boyfriend (who isnt some fuckin super model with the same body- he's a shy bear with glasses and a suffocatingly loving family- also!!! No homophobic family side plot???? Unheard of!!!!) and half of his arc is trying to be there For Him. He's not some hyper masc guy who "happens to be gay but everyones surprised" There is no sub plot of him hiding himself or "being seen as het" he's just a vers with a dorky sense of humor and has a little gaggle of gays (plus buck) that he's adopted and co-parenting with his butch lesbian best friend. Also wlw mlm solidarity!!! Holy shit!!!! that's rare!!!!

Even Buck- who's prolly bi let's be real- goes through an arc and isnt a 2D prick- he loves those gays like family by the end. And that's the end message- community in each other and loving your fellow queer people. There's no fighting between them about being a stereotype. No one makes fun on Twink for being femme, every one gets so happy when Stat smiles, Pam and Deb are happily married and Pam automatically takes her wife's little gay family from work and goes "I love them :))) you should bring them over more."

No its not perfect- I wish there was more open trans rep and nb rep, I wish there was some ace aro rep and I wish there was less animated dick and I could do without some if the skinny jokes Twink made but y'all realize rep isn't ever gonna be perfect? Gay ppl aren't perfect. Gay people are allowed to be stereotypes and the amount of LGBTQ people who worked on the show made it realistic. There was never a point that I was like "this was written by straight people".

Y'all shot down a funny, well written comedy cartoon made by the gays for the gays and hate it because there's a femme drag queen? There's stereotypes?? We're never going to get good rep if y'all crucify everything we do get. That's not saying don't be critical, but don't attack queer writers and what little rep we have because it's not the perfect cookie cutter shape for gays.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

@butch-reidentified Some of your comments seem to be visible at random for some reason, so I'll summarize them: you asked if "het" women who experiment with a woman and don't like it + "het" men who have sex with men in prison are bi. Well yes, obviously. They hide their same-sex attraction behind excuses because they're ashamed of it, but they still chose to have gay sex even though they could just not do that. In the case of bicurious women who hated the time they tried with a woman, I can tell that, as someone who was sexually harassed by such women, while they pick male partners based on attractiveness, chemistry, common interests, etc., they will just have sex with any woman who consents to it. If you have sex with a random person just to test something, -- surprise! -- the sex will be bad. Personally, I think it's a form of self-sabotage: they don't want their same-sex attraction to be real, so they will test it in conditions that will make it a mediocre experience.

---

To OP, I've been in feminist and lesbian circles for ten years longer than you, I understand where you're coming from. I used to believe whatever women said, especially if they identified as lesbian and/or radfem. As years pass, I think more and more than only gold stars are lesbians. Especially since gold star includes victims of rape, forced marriage and sex trafficking.

Your comparison to straight women being coerced into sex with men isn't very relevant, as it is congruent with their sexual orientation. Do you think a straight woman could be pressured into a relationship with a woman? Into a marriage with a woman? Have sex with that woman for years and pretend to enjoy it while being actually heterosexual?

You talk about dysphoria, self-harm and suicidality in lesbians, but that's exactly the point! There are so many ways to hate yourself and harm yourself without going against your very nature, why would any lesbian go out of her way to have sex with a man? If it's social pressure, why have sex when you can just create an excuse ("I'm focusing on my studies", "I want to wait for Mr. Right/marriage", "the only man I love is [whatever prophet/god you're supposed to believe in]") or invent a summer romance with a random dude?

(Also I'm sorry to tell you that, but there are many "non-gold star lesbians" who will say their experience with men is traumatic when there are gold stars around, but when they think we're not reading/listening, admit that it was actually ok, even good sometimes, but boring.)

Since we're both French, I'll add this study on bisexuality from Ined that shows that 50% of people who identify as homosexual admit that they are attracted to both sexes. While it also says that 60% of women who identify as lesbians had sex with men (you would say the difference between the two shows the "real non-gold stars"), you have to remember that those 50% are only the people who will admit to it! Unfortunately, in my many years on radblr, I've seen several women swear they were non-gold star lesbians and not bi... only to have very obvious crushes on men and/or date men again.

I mean, think about it. Why would those women be so mad that we exist, if they are truly lesbians? They can envy us, sure, but to the point of censoring us? Stopping us from sharing our experiences, even if that could help younger lesbians stand up for themselves? I've envied lesbians who had an easier time than me (accepting family, no bullying...) to the point of being angry, but never to the point of mocking them or telling them to shut up.

i have goldstar in my bio because i am tired of everyone making fun of that word and of lesbians who use it as if it was a crime not to have had sex with a man, but at the end of the day i do not believe that only goldstar lesbians are real lesbians and i never will. you people need to start wondering why you believe that straight and bi women can be coerced into sex/relationships by men even though they aren't attracted to them/don't want to be with them and have sex with them but don't believe that it can happen to lesbians too. we're not immune to male violence or sexual assault, we're not immune to rape by coercion, we're not immune to abuse - especially given the homophobic society we live in that will do everything to push us in men's arms. you people have to wonder why you understand that prostitutes do not consent to the sex they're having with sex buyers and do not enjoy it (even when they pretended to at the time) but don't understand that a lesbian who has been with a man did not consent to the sex she's had (or did so because of homophobia which isn’t real consent) and did not enjoy it (even when they pretended to at the time). you people have to wonder why you understand that homophobia, internalized homophobia and a homophobic society can lead people to be dysphoric, to identify as someone of the opposite sex, to go through life changing surgeries and hormones and so on, but don't understand that homophobia can lead lesbians to try to be with men. i could go on forever because there are many examples, but i think my point is clear. you people have to wonder why you do not treat lesbians the way you treat other women.

[dilfsugaaa]

Falling for Sin [2] | M.YG

summary: “I have heard shy girls are the loudest on bed. I wanna see it for myself.”

Yoongi, the florist next door, falls for the already-smitten-with-him high school student, Y/N. but for her, is loving him a sin? how does her world crumble when her elder brother comes to know of their forbidden relationship?

pairing: florist!yoongi x female reader

rating [over the series]: explicit | 🔞

word count: 4.5k [for this part]

genre/au: smut/fluff/angst, porn with plot | flower shop au

warnings [over the series]: age difference (not too much but still uncomfortable for some readers), loss of virginity and innocence, hickeys, shameless smut, voyeurism (both accidental and intentional), dark and tragic themes, outdated and conservative school of thought, yandere! (kind of), this screams bad!

a/n: originally posted to my wattpad, and ao3. slightly rewritten.

my first het fanfic ever (actually started January, 2021). this might be shitty so reader discretion is advised.

the pov of the o/c is that of an eighteen year old, and hence she sounds innocent when she’s doing the narration.

also, this fic has been split into parts and has been written in the first person pov, which is alternately of the female reader, and that of Yoongi. links to the different parts can be accessed via my masterlist!

ao3 | wattpad

01/19/2021

11.00 AM

"Ding-dong!" The bell rings. Today is off from school for the whole of our class because of something they call winter cleaning. I really don't know what that means. Maybe the group of janitors are all going to sanitize the classrooms and clean all of the teaching-learning equipment, ensuring they are all working in proper condition.

I run to get the person at the door. Taehyung is still on bed, the lazy ass. His snores can be clearly heard across the hallway. I giggle slowly while opening the door.

"Hey!" The bunny-faced guy at the door gives me a warm smile while bowing. I can't help but smile back.

"Hi...who are you?" I ask politely.

"My name is Jungkook. I have come from that beautiful flower shop round the corner with the flower pots you ordered." He winks at me. The guy is cute, I will admit.

I look beyond him. He has indeed come with the said pots. "Are you Yoongi's younger brother?" I put forth my gut-feeling.

"Falling for him already, are we?" He playfully raises an eyebrow. I roll my eyes. "Uff Jungkook I am just curious. I want to-"

"Ahhh yes, I am his younger brother. I help him around with the deliveries and stuff...or some chores."

"Okay..." I nod my head.

"Where can I put these at?" He points at the pots kept in resting state on the ground behind him. I open the door wider and ask him to come in. He carries the pots in.

"Leave them here." I say, pointing at the floor of the living room leading up to the kitchen. He obliges. He then straightens up and wipes his brow. 

"Bye-" He says, in a passing tone of voice, walking to the main door. "It was nice meeting you, our new customer!" He bows while exiting. I smile. He is so sweet.

"Bye!" I reply as I lock the door shut from inside.

2.30 PM

"Y/N!" Taehyung calls out for me from his bedroom. I walk to it and push the door open with my leg.

"What is it?" I ask, slightly irritated because of being disturbed from my daily serious math practice sessions.

"I forgot to pay for the flowers..." He gives me a goofy smile. I shake my head.

"Don't expect me to go all the way there just to make a teeny payment. I am not going to-"

"Please Y/N! I have to do my mandatory coursework today...I will get you your favorite sundae if you agree..." He looks at me with large, pleading puppy eyes.

"Fine..." I say, suddenly realizing the twin benefits of going there. One, I would get my favorite Brownie Blast stoned sundae, and Tae will be the one paying. And the most important perk, I would get to see, meet and speak with my new interest Yoongi...wait a minute. Has he become my crush?

Whatever. I sigh. "Where is the money?" I ask him.

He points to a wad of cash kept by the bedside table. "Here."

I walk to the table and stuff the cash into my jeans pocket. He asks me to take the cash receipt with me as well. "Just in case he has forgotten who you are." 

I have a gut feeling he has not.

I make my way to the main door waving goodbye to Taehyung. "Bye, Y/N!" He coos. "Don't be late...gotta get that ice cream sundae!"

"Yeah, sure Tae..." I mumble as I walk towards my parked bicycle. Cycling is among my favorite pastimes, and I am pretty good at it, sometimes having beaten even boys at the sport.

I mount the bicycle after dusting the seat with a piece of soiled cloth that is always kept by it. I am so excited at the prospect of meeting Yoongi, the florist who has stolen my heart. 

The noontime breeze is unusually calming in nature.

3.15 PM

I ring the vintage copper bell while pushing the door open. Yoongi is working at his desk, probably doing some calculations.

"Hi!" I greet him. He looks up from his notepad. And gives me a sweet smile.

"Hello!" He sounds so welcoming. His tone is so pleasing!

"Do you...remember me? I am Y/N...from that day-"

"Yeah I do. How could I forget you? You're so beautiful..." He cuts my small talk off with these words spoken completely with a straight face.

Oh My God! Did he just say I am beautiful? I think I am going to die...!! 

"W-wait, did you just say I am b-beautiful?" I manage to stutter. I simply cannot believe what I heard. I am on cloud nine right now.

"Of course I did. Did you not hear?" He says, again with that poker-faced expressionlessness that never fails to intrigue me. He then bends down to his side and comes up with a beautiful red rose clutched between the long digits of his hand. "Here, Y/N. A rose for you." He offers it to me. "Even this fresh red rose can't match up to your beauty."

"Good Lord, thank you!" I smile shyly, overwhelmed by the weight of his compliments as I approach him to take the flower from his hand. He lets his fingers linger slowly along my hand while I am taking the rose. I like the feeling of his partly worn hands on my soft ones. I want the touch to go on forever.

"What did you come here for?" He asks me, establishing eye contact with me. His gaze is powerful, hence simply alluring. I hold his gaze as I answer. "My brother had forgotten to pay for those pots we had bought from here so-"

"Ah yes I remember." He proceeds to take his notebook out from one of the drawers of the desk he is sitting on. He opens it to the receipt that has my brother's name written on it.

"So you remembered my brother's name as well?" I ask. He chuckles softly. "Not exactly."

I see a little inscription on top of the receipt. It has my name written in red ink, with a heart drawn encircling it. I raise my eyebrows in pleasant surprise, but don't let it be apparent that I saw it. So that is how you remembered it.

Yoongi is smiling as he does the requisite calculations on a rough sheet of paper. "Thirty dollars. Price discounted because I like you. You're beautiful." He looks into my eyes again. The look on his face is deadly. I smile as I hand him the cash.

"Thank you!" I exclaim. I can't believe he likes me. Just so make sure I don't look like an ungrateful bitch I add. "You're not so bad yourself." I giggle, trying to pay back the the thousands of compliments he has showered on me since I entered his field of view.

He too laughs. Gracefully. The sound of his laughter is like music to my ears. Makes me want to record it and play it on repeat everyday. I would never get bored of it. Guaranteed. I start walking towards the exit.

"Do you like me?" He asks, suddenly. I am a little taken aback by his question. I smile a little. "What do you think?" I counter playfully as I push the door open and leave the shop.

01/22/2021

4.23 PM

"Hey Yoongi!" I push the glass door open, not even caring to ring that damned bell. All bells can wait when you are meeting your crush.

He looks up from his flower pots, startled. "Umm...hi Y/N. Why so sudden? Take it easy! Be calm! Breathe-"

"Uff Yoongi you really are easy to scare off." I must have giggled cutely because his facial expressions immediately soften.

"Whoa, Y/N, you really did so!" He feigns fear, placing his hand on his chest to show how afraid he really is. I roll my eyes. "Oh, now Y/N is rolling her eyes at me!" He bites his lower lip playfully while walking in my direction. I smile shyly in response.

"Gosh, you really do know how to come at someone!" I shake my head. He smirks.

"I also know how to make someone come." He fixes me a look. I look at him, eyes wide open in surprise.

"I hope you are not serious." I mumble, scratching my neck awkwardly.

"No, I am serious." He inches closer. I like the feeling of his height towering over and above my smaller body. I step behind a little, and he catches my frame in his large and vascular hands, thereby pulling me close. I hold his gaze. He looks at me with dark eyes for a long moment before he frees me from his grip. I look down onto the ground, all embarrassed by our sudden contact.

He sighs. "About your question...the one that you asked me before you left my shop yesterday..."

"Ah yes. That one." I smile slightly as I wait for his answer. 

"Well, I do think you like me." He claims in a cocky tone.

"You're way too sure of that, aren't you?" I can't hold my chuckle back as I go to the cashier's desk and grab a drink of water from the water bottle kept on it.

"You didn't ask for permission to drink from my bottle." He states calmly, eyeing me with a look of pretended hurt.

"Okay, fine..." I raise my hands in a mock show of surrender. "I will go to my home, fill a bottle, then bring it here to return the sips of water I took that was rightly your share. Easy!"

"That isn't what I want, precisely." His cat eyes settle on the details of my face, scanning it carefully like they are some sort of an investigative equipment used by the FBI. "I just want you to come here as often as you possibly can and talk to me. I get bored all alone." He shows his gums while he grins like an idiot.

"Poor baby Yoongi gets bored all alone?" My voice assumes a teasing tone. I can see his facial expressions change into that of mock horror.

"An eighteen year-old calling me baby isn't exactly what I am used to listen to." He runs a hand through his soft and silky brown hair. I chuckle in response.

"Uff I am so sorry...by the way, you speak of my age as if you are a seventy year-old grandad?!" I scoff. 

"I am twenty five, and proud of it. Thank you." He brushes off his shoulders in a display of pride. I roll my eyes at him again.

"This, my dear Y/N, is the second time you rolled your eyes at me." He gives me a fake smile. I mumble a muffled apology.

"You are old." I smile playfully soon after. He sighs.

"It's useless to argue with kids." He spits the last word out scornfully.

"Yes exactly, wise old man. So, doesn’t this age gap make you a-?" I try to make him react.

"Would you stop teasing me because of my age? It feels bad." He asserts. This sentence spoken by him wipes the smugness off of my face.

"Okay okay, this time I really am sorry." I look down to the ground, somewhat ashamed at having pissed my crush off. I try to lighten the mood by making a small quip. "Don't worry, Yoongi. I like my men older."

This one really makes his mouth widen to a huge grin, and this time it is the cutest he has ever smiled. I sigh with relief. "Excuse me, but did you just say...your men?" He raises his eyebrows.

"I...oop-" I smile at him, really sheepish this time. The hunter became the hunted.

"So you actually took the liberty to call me yours, even though I haven't or, as a matter of fact, even you have not asked me out." His face carries an amused look on it.

"Well, well. I know you probably know this so I might as well say it, you are my crush."

He coughs, taken by surprise at my confession.

"My first crush, in fact. I was never interested in any guy, ever, before I came to this shop four days ago. I don't know if I should admit this or not, but it was clearly something at first sight. It was this spark, you know, and we just immediately connected. I don't know if this is love or anything cringey as that. I just know that, this is something. Something huge." I finish my monologue with a smile.

He looks at me all dazed for a moment. Then he begins to walk towards me, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I stand rooted to my spot. He leans down to me, leaving little distance between us, and more particularly, our lips. I lick my lips in anticipation. His gaze lowers itself to my mouth and he bites his own sexily. My hands find their way to the back of his head, wanting to pull him real close to me. So close, that our bodies merge into each other. Yes, that's the amount of passion in here.

He fixes his hands onto my butt and pulls it in, hence closing the space between the lower parts of our bodies. The proximity is just dangerous. I can clearly hear his breaths close to my ear, and apparently they have gotten way faster and deeper than usual. 

His lips graze against my jawline. I close my eyes in response to the sensation.

He starts placing short, sweet kisses all over my face. "Yoon...Yoongi!" My breath is caught in my throat as I see all my fantasies about him realizing themselves at this moment. Never before have I ever felt these things, these feelings, these sensations that both of us know to be forbidden and sinful. But fuck, this feels so good.

His lips combined with his tongue skillfully work their magic on my face. Slowly, I feel his veiny hands travel up and clutch my jaw tightly between the long thick fingers. I feel the velvety soft cushions of his lips making their way to my lips, giving them a small peck. He breaks the proximity between us by pulling away softly, his hands still lying on the small of my back.

He smiles at me.

"Wait, is this all? A peck is what you call a kiss?!" I exclaim. And here I was, expecting my first kiss to be the best I would ever have. It would be all sloppy and deep and French and everything as first kisses really are portrayed in films. There, my hopes were dashed onto the ground.

"Hey...hey, take it easy, kitten. All in good time. This is just the beginning of our relationship." He gives me a wide gummy smile. "Now go back to your home. Your brother must be pacing back and forth, worried and waiting for you to return." He bends to take a small bar of chocolate out from the desk drawer. "Here, for you." He offers it to me.

I grab it with both of my hands. "This...what for?" I smile a little.

"Just felt like it." He shrugs, going to sit on his chair by the cashier's desk. He takes a ball point pen in his hands and plays with it for a while. "Bye, Y/N. Hope to meet you again soon. Don't forget, I'll be waiting." He gives me a small smile. I smile back.

"Bet you wanna." I give him a side smile as I push the glass door open, leaning onto it. He smirks.

"I know you want me."

Knowing what he just said is more than true, I simply shake my head and exit the beautiful shop.

7.00 PM

Yoongi P.O.V.

"Jungkook-ah!" I call my brother upstairs to my room. I am seated on my bed.

"What happened, hyung?" He pokes his head in through the door of my bedroom.

"Come, sit here." I pat the mattress beside me, indicating the spot I want him to sit on. He obliges. "I want to share something with you."

"I am listening." He nods his head, coming closer to me.

"What were you doing downstairs?" I ask him.

"I was doing the dishes, duh. Just my regular chores. Why'd you ask?"

"The dishes can wait." I bite my lip. "This is something really important." I inhale slowly.

"Then stop beating round the bush and tell me." He has obviously lost his patience. That look on his face actually hurries me up.

"There is this girl-"

"I knew it. I just knew it. You can't live without being a colossal flirt, can you?" He exclaims on the highest octave of his voice. 

I fix him a look. Disapproving.

"Okay-okay..." He grumbles. "Go on, don't mind me."

"Yeah so, like I said, there is this girl that comes to our shop often...she is very pretty. She must be around eighteen. She has this cute nose, big brown eyes and hair that's neither too long nor too short, kinda falls at her shoulders-"

"I know who she is! She is Y/N, isn't she?" He interrupts me. "That girl to whom I delivered those pots of flowers the other day! She too seemed interested in you."

Huh? I continue, nevertheless.

"That brings me to my next point, we have officially begun dating."

"What the actual fuck!" He throws his hand to his mouth. "You are not kidding me, are you?"

"Nope." I yawn.

"Good news! My hyung just got a girl!" He starts singing at the top of his voice. I calm him down.

"Stop being a shitty clown, Jungkook."

"I am not shitty, you are shitty. Why didn't you tell me before?" He yells at me.

"Because we began dating today." I make a face.

"Oh okay." He smiles foolishly. I chuckle at his cuteness.

"Well, best of luck. Even though she is quite young." He voices his opinion skeptically.

"Age is just a number." Saying thus, I stand up. 

"You guys sure are fast, aren't you?" Jungkook follows me into the kitchen. "Like, it took you only four days since you first met to start dating."

"Umm..." I start making myself a cup of coffee as I answer. "I really think it would be good if you minded your own business. Don't ask stupid questions to your elders."

Jungkook mumbles a muffled "fuck you" as he continues doing the dishes from where he had left off. Both of us work in silence for a while before Jungkook decides to ask another question from his never-ending series of inquisitive thoughts. "What was her name again?"

"Y/N. Kim Y/N." I answer.

"And she is Taehyung's younger sister, right?"

"Yes, she is."

"What if he comes to know of your affair? He certainly wouldn't approve of his sister being in a relationship with a flower seller..."

I seriously had not thought about it. "That is a valid point." I drain the last of the coffee from my mug as a thought strikes me. "Y/N is introverted. That can come to our rescue."

"And how, may I ask?"

"First things first, she doesn't talk to her brother much. So, I really don't think she would disclose such a personal thing to him. Secondly, she loves me and I know it."

"What has that got to do with playing safe?" Jungkook almost cringes at the last sentence I spoke.

"If she loves me, she most certainly wouldn't want to sabotage her own relationship." I shrug.

"You might be right..." Jungkook starts to hum a soft tune. His chores for the day are nearing completion, and he can't wait to run to the basement that he has converted into his dance studio to vibe with some pop music. The genre he lives for.

Y/N P.O.V.

"Tae!" I throw the pillow at him. "You promised me a sundae!"

"When did I do that?" He asks, pretending nonchalance. I roll my eyes.

"You monster!" I almost yell. "That time when I went to pay the check on your behalf-”

"Ahh, now I remember." He interjects me with his boxy smile, and I try hard to not melt at the look on his face. "Now stop being cross with me. Come here and give me a hug."

I roll my eyes for the second time in the last five minutes and walk to him to give him a quick hug. "Hugs don't and can't compensate for sundaes and you have got to give it to me, as soon as possible."

He takes his phone out of his coat pocket and switches it on. "Here, let me order a sundae for you." He opens the food delivery app and asks me what I want. Of course, a brownie stoned sundae. My choice is clear.

"Cool, thank you!" I clap my hands together and give him another quick hug. I run up to my room and lock the door from inside, and, taking the laptop out of my closet, sit down on my worktable to get started with homework assignments.

I open the school website and type in my login credentials. I key in the password and my profile opens up. I see an email from my Chemistry teacher, Mister Park Jimin.

Kim Y/N, I am impressed by the progress your Chemistry has made. Keeping that in mind, I have decided to make you go through the harder study material, and its exercises. Attached with this mail you will find a Google Docs file with an advanced paper on the applications of organometallic compounds, and another file with some problems for practice. I expect you to turn in the work by the next Sunday i.e. 01/31/2021.

Whoa! 

Harder study material? As if I wasn't busy with my creative writing workshop, now I'd have to do harder homework? But the upside of things is that I would get an A in this Chemistry course, leaving some extra time for me to prepare better for Mathematics, my weakest subject.

I read the paper he has sent in through the mail for a while. The harder learning content is somewhat difficult to grasp, obviously, and after a half-hour struggle to understand it, I give up for the time being.

My thoughts drift to the kiss, or rather, the peck I had today. I recall the touch of his lips, his soft, velvety cushions attaching themselves to mine. I imagine those lips smashed against my lips, his tongue exploring each and every corner of my mouth.

"Y/N!" A loud, booming voice shakes me out of my fantasy-induced state of ecstasy.

"What now?" I groan as I snap the laptop shut. Taehyung plops down onto my bed, right across from me. "You could give me some privacy sometimes, for a change."

"I called your name at least fifty times before I came up to check on you." He shakes his head.

"Yeah, thankfully I haven't been murdered." I roll my eyes at him. But inside, I am surprised that I was not able to hear his call.

"Which dreamland had you set sail to?" He chuckles. Before I can roll my eyes at him again his face assumes a serious expression.

"I am worried about you, Y/N." He starts. I open my mouth to retort but he raises a hand to make me sit silently and listen to what shit he has to say.

"You seem to be so far away, you rarely pay any attention to what all is happening around you. You didn't even notice the lasagna I had rustled up for you the other day-"

"Umm..." I start miserably. "Look, I did notice the food. It was really very tasty-"

"Y/N." He shoots me a look. "It is pretty clear that you're distracted. Else why would you shut the laptop down as soon as I entered your room?"

"I know you have been watching porn. The level our society has slumped down to!" He gives me a disapproving look as he snaps it open, only to see my half-finished Chemistry assignment on the screen. He yanks it back shut.

"Ew. Why would I do that? Girls don't watch porn." I look at him in disbelief.

He returns the same look. "Just don't feed me that shit. Girls do watch porn, and they do it as much as us guys do, if not more."

"Wow." I mumble without interest, willing him to leave me alone in peace and tranquility. But he seems to be in no hurry to leave.

It's my fucking destiny. I remind myself as I prepare for a whole new round of questioning.

"You are in love, aren't you?" He raises an eyebrow as he bites a smirk back. "Or worse, you have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"What is worse in it?" I snap, my patience thrown out the window.

"Aww, my little baby got so touchy." He chuckles, much to my chagrin. "So, shall I take it as your final word, that you have a boyfriend?"

"I do not have a boyfriend." I shout. "You think I stand any chance, with this shy nature of mine?"

"Guys do like shy girls, especially the extroverted ones." He points out matter-of-factly. "Or it might be a kink sort of a thing, you know."

"Tell you what, I don't give a fuck." I mumble almost inaudibly before I raise my voice an octave higher. "And you shouldn't, either. I am eighteen, after all. I can do as I please."

"I am your elder brother, and I have been taking care of you selflessly, without expecting any return from your side, ever since you were twelve. I was in charge of you, I will be in charge of you. It is last and final, and you don't have a choice." He stands up and walks out of the room. Just like that.

I let out a small tsk and resume my work. It is pretty late into the night when I get a summon from Taehyung.

11.30 PM

"Come, eat dinner. It is too late." Taehyung stands at the door, not letting our eyes meet. That is how he behaves with me after we have had an argument. I find it cute, though.

"I am coming." I reply in a small voice, finishing typing the last few lines of my assignment.

"Come fast, you have to sleep soon." He says.

I look at him. He has donned an apron, a tan-colored one, which he considers to be the best among all the aprons he owns. He gives me a small smile, cute and boxy.

"C'mon, Y/N. I have been waiting for you." He urges me. I stand up from my worktable after shutting the laptop down.

"Why didn't you eat yet?" I yawn as we go down the stairs together.

"I wanted to eat with you, you know. I cooked some spaghetti for you." He bites his lip.

"As if we Koreans don't have enough types of noodles of our own." I laugh, trying to break the ice that has begun forming in its preliminary stages.

The corners of his lips curve upward into a smile as he pulls a chair out for me at the dining table.

previous | next

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 8) - Good Days, Bad Days

Summary: The reader has a special birthday surprise for Jensen and starts to get to know Jared more. When Jensen returns home from Toronto for good though, he and the reader have their first big fight and make more moves in their relationship...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,300ish

Warnings: language, angst, fighting, smut

A/N: Enjoy!

________

Thursday Night

“So how do you want me?” asked Jensen, leaning against his closet door in nothing but his boxer briefs. 

“Oh well that’s a dangerous question,” you laughed. “Jeans are fine for where I’m taking you.”

“Alright,” he said. He ducked into the closet and returned wearing only a pair of dark jeans, smirking at you with his hands behind his back.

“Being a little shit?” you asked.

“One of my best qualities,” he said. You hummed and went past him into the closet. “So what should I be wearing on this date out?”

“I’m kinda a sucker for you a henley and flannel. Not to let that go to your head at all,” you said.

“Oh you should never watch Supernatural then,” he chuckled, grabbing a long sleeve white henley off the hanger and pulling it on.

“I did sort of start watching it,” you said. “You look like a little baby that hadn’t hit puberty yet.”

“I got better with age, sweetheart,” he said, flashing you a wink.

“Oh yes you did,” you said. “I like it. It’s kinda scary but not too bad if you watch during the day.”

“It gets less scary pretty fast,” he said, putting on his red and gray flannel. “I all set?”

“You look very pretty,” you said, walking out with him on your tail. “So does the show end happy? Like they live? It’s got this angsty feel to it where I feel like something bad is gonna happen.”

“Do you want me to spoil it?”

“Dean doesn’t like die, right,” you said. He made a face and you frowned. “No. Why? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Eh, calm yourself woman. Things could happen in the future...he might not have to die...or he might come back and I really shouldn’t be discussing these things.”

“You’d do more?” you asked.

“Oh for sure. On a streaming network where we get to do all the shit we couldn’t on cable. Get some fresh eyes in on the writing or maybe we’d even take a crack at it. It’s not really an if, more of a when so don’t go worrying about Dean. I like my new friends at work and everybody’s great but I miss Jared and my old ones. I’m definitely working with them again.”

“That’s great! Now come on, move that tush. We have reservations.”

“Reservations. Fancy,” he said. He put on a pair of socks and shoved his wallet in his pocket, following you out to the hall when you spun around. 

“Oh yeah,” you smirked. “You may also have a little birthday surprise waiting for your downstairs so eyes shut mister.”

“You’re devious. I like that. I like that a lot. We should explore that later in bed.”

“Tempting. I’ll have to take you up on that,” you said. “Eyes shut.”

You held his hand and he shut his eyes, going down the hall with you. You went slowly down the steps, Jensen’s arm around you the whole time. You grinned and walked him over to the family room before leaving him in place.

“Open,” you said. He blinked open his eyes, quickly landing them on a grinning Jared standing there.

“How the hell are you here?” said Jensen, Jared giving him a big hug he quickly returned. “Shit I missed you man.”

“Me too. But it’s someone’s birthday this week and I don’t have work tomorrow so I caught a flight up this afternoon. Y/N thought I’d make a good present.”

“Fucking awesome present,” he said, still grinning ear to ear. 

“You doing okay?” asked Jared, Jensen nodding. He gave him another hug and you smiled. “So how’s that crush on the nanny working out?”

“Shut up,” said Jensen, smirking as he pulled you into his side. “Jared. I know you guys met already but Y/N is your soon to be best friend just as an fyi.”

“Oh we’ve already started chatting,” you said, Jared chuckling. “He’s really sweet. I had to legit stop him from jumping on a plane that second when I texted him he thought something was wrong.”

“I think between the two of us we can keep an eye on him,” said Jared. “So you mind if I crash your date?”

“Not at all,” you said. “I’m taking both you boys out. My treat.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said Jensen two hours later while he excused himself to the bathroom. Jared finished off the last of his beer and smiled as he leaned back in his corner of the booth. 

“You know I’m totally covering this right,” he said.

“Dutch?” you asked.

“I’ll take the alcohol, you take the food.”

“That I can agree to,” you said, glancing over the dessert menu. “I’m really happy you were able to come up to hang out. I know you got your own family and everything and this was last minute.”

“He’s my family too,” he said. “I’d do anything for him. Literally. Don’t ever hesitate to call me, no matter when or where. I’ll be there for him like he’s always been for me.”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a smile on his face like that before.”

“I have. You just didn’t notice that night at the bonfire.” You shrugged and he cocked his head. “How long you two been dating?”

“A month or so,” you said. 

“You like him?”

“He’s alright,” you said, smiling before you took a sip from your glass. 

“Thanks for taking care of him lately.”

“Don’t need to thank me for that,” you said, sliding the dessert menu over to him.

“Yeah but I’m still going to,” he said. “I meant what I said earlier. Between the two of us he’ll be okay again.”

“He’s never gonna be the same. He’ll be happy and it won’t hurt as much. But it’ll come back and hit him time to time.”

“There’s a reason he’s my best friend and it’s not just because we worked together for so long. He’s always been there for me and I’ll be there for him. I feel better about him being up here when he’s got someone else watching his back.”

“You had the hard job, not me,” you said.

“He’s come a long way. Doesn’t mean this is a cakewalk though I’m sure.”

“No, you’re right about that,” you said as you spotted Jensen returning.

“You guys order dessert yet?” he asked, sliding in beside you.

“Why doesn’t the birthday boy pick,” teased Jared, handing the menu over to him. “You guys ought to come home for a weekend when you get a chance.”

“It’s kinda a long way to go with the kids for just a few days,” said Jensen. “But we’ll be home soon. Hopefully.”

“I can get you a gig on Walker anytime you want it dude, just ask.”

“Maybe. I kinda want to get with the guys and maybe work on that Supernatural stuff. I need good stuff to look forward to, you know?”

“I do,” said Jared. “As long as you come home eventually I’ll learn to live with just using your jet skis in the meantime.”

“See what I’ve been dealing with for over a decade?” asked Jensen.

“Oh yes. He’s horrible,” you teased. “We really shouldn’t have him sleepover then, should we?”

“You’re staying at the house?” asked Jensen with a grin.

“Duh. I didn’t just fly a thousand miles to not see you dude. I’m here all weekend. Let’s have some fun.”

“Boys I’m heading to bed,” you said around two in the morning. 

“Yeah we ought to go to bed ourselves,” said Jared.

“I’ll grab you some sheets and stuff,” said Jensen. You waved goodnight to Jared, heading down the hall towards your room when Jensen wrapped an arm around your waist. “I thought you were gonna sleep with me from now on.”

“I am. Want to check something real quick.”

“Hurry back,” he said. He kissed your temple and ducked into his room, leaving you in the hall. You went down to your own and checked your email, smirking when you saw what you were looking for. A rattling of fingers on the door made you glance up, Jensen smiling there. “Texting your other boyfriend?”

“No, I sort of...submitted one of my stories to a publisher. They’ve been talking to me this week and said they’d get back to me today on if they wanted to move forward. They want to do a five book deal. I already have the stories done and mostly drawn anyways. They gave me an offer just now.”

“That’s awesome,” he said. “Seriously. We’re gonna celebrate tomorrow for sure.”

“It’s no big deal,” you said.

“It really is,” he said. He picked you up and grinned, carrying you back to his room. “I’m proud of you.”

“They’re stupid stories,” you said.

“I love those stupid stories,” he said, setting you on the bed. “The kids do too.”

“You’re just saying that cause you’re supposed to say that.” You set your phone on the nightstand and crawled under the covers, Jensen pulling you into his chest when het got underneath.

“My children think their mom is really okay now. They don’t get sad anymore and they ask questions about her again and I don’t want to cry every time I talk about her because your story reminded me that the wolf dad can be happy again for him too. That’s really fucking important to me right now in life.”

“Okay Papa Wolf,” you said. You grinned and he returned it. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“Hey Jared,” you said as you answered your phone. “What’s up?”

“Jensen at work?”

“Yeah. Late night again,” you said. “He’s answering texts between breaks I think.”

“Cool,” he said.

“You need something?” you asked. 

“No, no. I’m good,” he said. “Thanks. I’ll catch you later.”

“You doing okay?” you asked.

“Yeah. Just want to talk to him for a minute,” he said. He was a little quiet and you sat down on the couch. 

“You want to talk to me?” you asked.

“That’s okay.”

“Jared...Jensen and I are starting to get serious which means we’re gonna be together a lot considering how you two can’t go more than a day without talking. We can be good friends too,” you said. He was quiet and you hoped you hadn’t sounded too corny.

“I uh, I have bad days sometimes. Really normal days can be bad days in my head. It’s kinda how I was built I guess,” he said. 

“Nothing wrong with that,” you said. “Today a bad day?”

“Kinda. Nothing happened. I had a normal day at work and home. I’m just off. He um...Jensen makes me feel better as lame as that sounds. Just talking for a few minutes helps my head get on track that somebody really does care.”

“He’s very good like that,” you said. “I know you mean the world to him. You’re his brother. It’s not lame that he makes you feel better. You make him feel better too. I owe you a lot for taking care of him after the accident.”

“I much prefer when I’m the one freaking out and he takes care of me,” chuckled Jared. “You guys coming home soon?”

“He’s got a few weeks left of filming but I might head down a little earlier, try to get the house sorted out down there with the kids and stuff,” you said. “He’s literally counting down the days.”

“He really likes working on the show though I thought.”

“Oh he does but he’s got a big circle on the calendar for the fifthteenth called Jared day. I think your boy is planning something fun.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said. “You mind if I ask a personal question?”

“Shoot, buddy,” you said, stretching in your seat.

“Do you love him?” he asked. 

“Going full throttle out of the gate I see,” you said.

“I know. I know how he talks about you though. There’s no...casual relationship with him.”

“Well I haven’t said it to him yet and he hasn’t said it to me so...maybe another time I’ll be able to answer that question.”

“It’s been almost four months. You get to spend more time together than most couples starting out. I’d think you know by now,” he said.

“I do. But he deserves to hear it before anyone else,” you said. 

“So you love him.”

“Most things I love have a habit of going away,” you said. 

“He won’t,” he said. “You do more than make him happy, Y/N. A lot more.”

“I just wish he didn’t hurt.”

“He hurts a lot less lately. Some of that’s time and some of it’s you. Enjoy being one of his best friends. He doesn’t let that many people in that close.”

“I know. We were supposed to be talking about you I thought.”

“Eh, sometimes I just need the talk. Thanks. I got somebody else I can call now too.”

“It’s never a problem,” you said.

“It’s getting late there. I’ll let you go. Thanks for talking, really. I feel better.”

“Anytime Jared.”

“You too, Y/N.”

Three Weeks Later

“Doug you’re a lifesaver,” you said as finished washing Jensen’s truck in the driveway back home in Austin. He smiled as he wiped off his hands and gave Arrow a wave goodbye. 

“I owed you for that 3am incident,” he said. “You got easy kids. Mine are vultures.”

“Yes, yes they are,” you laughed. He gave you a kiss on the check and smiled as he headed back for his car, another one coming down the open driveway. “Later Doug.”

“Later,” he said. Jensen exited the back of the car along with his backpack and a suitcase, the car pulling out, Doug following after.

“Hey. How was the flight?” you asked.

“Who was that?” he asked, dropping his bags on the pavement.

“Oh that’s just Doug. He’s a nanny. I needed an extra set of hands today watching the kids trying to finish up these chores before you got home and it was perfect timing,” you said. You smirked and walked over to kiss him, Jensen taking a step back. “Something wrong?”

“You kissed him.”

“No. I didn’t. He kissed my cheek,” you said. Jensen narrowed his eyes and you scoffed, wiping the sweat off your forehead. “Seriously? He’s my friend.”

“That kisses you.”

“He’s affectionate,” you said. “Also he’s kinda married so you can tone it down with the judgemental looks.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You’re right. You should be able to kiss whoever you want despite being in a relationship,” he said. He grabbed his bags and brushed past you inside. You grumbled and went after him, finding him upstairs in his room. “What?”

“What stick is up your ass today? I haven’t seen you in almost three weeks. None of us have and you’re in a bad mood.”

“I was perfectly happy until I saw you kissing somebody else.”

“I wasn’t kissing him!”

“It didn’t look like that from my perspective.”

“Jensen.”

“Is this just a little game to you? You get bored of the older guy with kids finally?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Or maybe you just got caught finally.”

“I don’t cheat,” you said, getting in his face. “He kissed my cheek. I’ll call him to come back and explain this situation right now but I apparently you just think I’m a cheater.”

“Well maybe you are. Geez, we’ve been together over four months and no real sex yet? Cause that’s not sending red flags.”

“Because you weren’t fucking ready!” you shouted. “I’m not your wife and I’m never gonna be her. Don’t be mad at me for it.”

“No that’s for sure,” he said.

“The kids are in the front yard. Don’t expect me back today,” you said. You stormed downstairs and into your room, shoving some things in a bag before taking your purse and getting behind the wheel of your car. 

You were seeing red by the time you were out of the suburbs. You slammed your hand against the wheel and shouted.

“You fucking asshole,” you said. You sniffled and drove for a bit before finally pulling off. You drove down a long road, rolling your eyes when of course you passed by his brewery. You’d never been but he’d told you about it more than once. You kept going down the road, eventually finding a park to pull into. You shut off the car and shut your eyes, a knock on the window making you jump. You put down your window when you saw a cop there and did your best to wipe off your face.

“You’re double parked,” he said. 

“What?”

“You’re parked on the line,” he said. 

“Sorry,” you said. 

“Bad day?” he asked.

“Something like that,” you said. You could feel snot threatening to drip down your nose, the officer reaching into a pocket and handing you a tissue. “Thanks.”

“Best not to drive when you’re upset,” he said.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna sit here for a little while,” you said with a nod.

“Probably not a great idea to sit in a car next a playground,” he said. “The mom’s are kinda intense around here.”

“Of course they are,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Why don’t you move your car and you can join me on my patrol,” he said. “It’s only a short walk. Fresh air might do you good.”

“Last time I talked to another man my boyfriend sorta freaked out on me so maybe not a good idea,” you said. You blew your nose and realized what you’d said, the officer staring down. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Why don’t we take that walk so I can find out what you did mean.”

Two minutes later you were walking next to the cop. He had a baseball cap on and was in all black. You weren’t sure how he wasn’t boiling considering it was May in Austin.

“This boyfriend got a name?”

“You gonna run his name or something?” you asked.

“Do I need to?” he asked. You shook your head and he smiled. “He the jealous type? He get angry over you talking to other men?”

“It’s complicated.”

“If it doesn’t get uncomplicated I might have to pay this boyfriend a visit you understand.”

“His wife died last June.”

“Okay. I understand part of the complicated thing now.”

“Why’s he gotta be a dick? Called me a cheater,” you said. You crossed your arms and the cop chuckled. “Sorry.”

“As long as you don’t call me a dick we don’t got a problem. Did you cheat on him?”

“No. He...he works away and he just got home today and my guy friend was over helping me with watching my boyfriends kids while I did some chores and my guy friend is like, a really affectionate guy and he kissed my cheek as my boyfriend was coming in and my boyfriend thinks I was kissing him back and been cheating on him for the past three weeks.”

“Why don’t you just call the guy friend over to explain?”

“He got so pissed so fast and accused me of cheating. I’ve been dating him for nearly five months and he brings up the fact we haven’t had sex yet like that even matters when I’ve been holding back for him and he just blows up on me for fucking nothing,” you said.

“You’re both stubborn people, aren’t ya,” he said.

“Maybe,” you grumbled.

“Maybe this guy is scared and looking for a way out of the relationship. Or maybe he thinks you want out. You mentioned kids. That’s not easy.”

“He’s also...older. There’s an age gap. I was the nanny and now I’m the girlfriend nanny. He’s also kinda...famous,” you said.

“So there’s a lot of stress in this relationship then.”

“No,” you said, dropping your arms to your sides. “It’s not like that.”

“Maybe the dumb bastard just got scared of losing someone again,” he said. “Just a theory.”

“I wish he wasn’t scared,” you said. “I don’t know how to make him not afraid.”

“You ever think maybe he said that because you’re getting in there pretty good now and he’s getting real scared that losing you might hurt just as bad as this wife did.”

“He’s an idiot. But he’s my idiot,” you said. 

“Talk to him. Get an apology and try to forgive him.”

“I already forgive him. I know him. He was scared and I got mad instead of realizing after so many weeks apart all he needed was a freaking hug.”

“Then go home and give him a hug,” he said.

“Thanks,” you said with a nod. “I must have looked like a hot mess or something.”

“Oh for sure,” he chuckled. You smiled and he laughed. “That looks better.”

“Jensen probably left like five messages on my phone by now,” you said. The cop you were with paused and smiled. “What?”

“A kinda famous Jensen. There’s really only one of those in town,” he said.

“Oh. Yeah. Please don’t share that he’s dating. He really wants to keep things private for a lot of reasons right now,” you said.

“He’s my buddy.”

“Your buddy?”

“We went to school together,” he said. “In tenth grade he went for a slide on second base, ripped his pants right down the middle. His hanes bright blue covered ass still managed to get around to home base.”

“He split his pants in a baseball game?” you smiled.

“I know quite a few of his dirty secrets,” he said. “I don’t really know that whole acting thing but him I know and that must make you Y/N. You ever in trouble kid, ever just got a bad feeling and want a cop to come by, give me a call.”

“Thanks,” you said as you took his card. “You really think he’s a dumb bastard?”

“Oh knowing it’s him, 100%. Give him a break. We like him when he smiles,” he said.

“I’m gonna give him a call,” you said. “We should hang out sometime now that Jensen has a break.”

“Definitely. I gotta finish my patrol,” he said. “Take care Y/N.”

“Bye,” you said as you headed back towards your car. You pulled out your phone and saw seven missed calls and twelve unread texts. You tapped the screen and put the phone up to your ear, only ringing for a second.

“I’m sorry,” said Jensen.

“Me too.”

“I’m the one that...shit I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what happened.”

“You missed me and you were scared and seeing Doug probably hurt like a bitch,” you said.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be the stupid jealous boyfriend.”

“I’m not too far from your brewery if you want to meet there. Get a beer. Blow this over,” you said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Stop apologizing. I want to give you a hug,” you said. 

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes?” he asked.

“I’ll see you soon honey.”

“Hi,” said Jensen as you sat at a quiet table in the back, sipping on a beer and eating a piece of pizza. You smiled and stood up, giving him a hug. He tucked his head down and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey we survived our first big fight as a couple,” you said. “That deserves beer and pizza.”

He sat down next to you, forcing a smile on his face. You reached over and cupped his cheek, Jensen turning into it. 

“Please forgive yourself,” you said.

“I don’t really want to,” he said.

“You called me a cheater. I get what I want today and that’s for you to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“Jensen,” you said, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”

He stared at you, a different look in his eyes, the tiniest sliver of a smile peeking through. You inched closer and slid your hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He felt softer than usual, lips barely moving against yours. 

“I love you,” he said. He wrapped his arms around you and grinned. “I have loved you for a very long time.” You kissed him again, Jensen returning it. 

He left his arm around your back, smirking when you did the same to him.

“Can we forget about earlier?” you asked. He nodded and rested his head on your shoulder.

“One last I’m sorry though,” he said.

“Just don’t call me that again and we’re all good, Jens,” you said. “Now eat some of this pizza so I don’t feel like a glutton.”

“I don’t have to slip into a superhero costume any more so dad bod here I come,” he chuckled.

“Does that mean Solider Boy meets some untimely end?”

“No spoilers,” he said. “But I don’t think I’ll be going back to that show. At least as often. I know I want to direct an episode of walker in the fall. I talked to Jared about it actually so that’ll be fun. I might do a duck and run guest appearance on it. I’ll line up something for next year but I want to be home for awhile, do work around here.” 

“I know quite a few people who would be more than okay with that,” you said. 

“Don’t make any plans for Saturday,” he smirked.

“I thought you were having your Jared day tomorrow.”

“Oh we are. Gen invited you and the kids over. She’d like to get to know you. You’ll love her,” he said.

“So what’s Saturday then?” you asked.

“I’d like to take you and the kids out on the boat. We haven’t been since before the accident. Maybe we can go out for dinner and put up the tent in the backyard, have a sleepover out there with the kids.”

“That sounds fun.”

“And...I’d like to maybe next week take you out for the day, just us, maybe...spend the night somewhere,” he said.

“Like a hotel?” you asked.

“Yeah. Or the kids can have a sleepover at Jared’s. Maybe.” He glanced down and you moved your arm from his back, reaching behind yourself to hold his hand. Green eyes flickered over to yours and you smiled. “I’m-”

“You know if you keep apologizing about earlier I’m not going to have sex with you,” you said. “That’s just facts.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “No more apologies. Aside from...I really am sorry about what I said. I’m the one that’s been holding back and not once have you asked for more.”

“We said we’d take it slow and that’s okay,” you said. He squeezed your hand and nodded. “I don’t like you because you’re attractive or your hair is great or your arms are massive. Having fun with you is fun but that’s not why I’m here.”

“I don’t know if I can give you things you want,” he said.

“Just give me you and that’s good with me,” you said.

“Okay,” he said quietly. You scooted closer to him, Jensen tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “Let’s do it now.”

“Uh, what?” you said, taking a sip from your beer.

“The kids aren’t home and I don’t want to wait and-”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” you said, knocking back your beer and flipping the cardboard down over your pizza. He stared and you burped, picking up the box. “There’s like six slices left and this is too good to waste, even for sex.”

“You have literally never been more attractive than in this moment,” he said. 

“I could be.”

“I’ll see you at the house in twenty?”

“Yes you will Ackles.”

Forty minutes later you hand was slapping against his headboard, legs squeezed so tight around his waist you were shocked he wasn’t complaining. You moaned loudly as he teased your clit and he delivered one more hard thrust. He grunted as you gripped his shoulder with your other hand.

“Jensen,” you breathed out. “I’m right there. Please, please, please…”

You arched your back when he thrust hard, fingers rubbing just a bit rougher and you came all around him, every muscle tensed and riding out that high, long, deep, absolutely perfect orgasm. Jensen thrust a few more times before he groaned and rested his head on your shoulder, big panting breaths fanning over your skin. 

He was sweaty but pulled out slowly, plopping down on the bed beside you, hand resting on his chest.

“I don’t know about you but that was good,” he said. “Damn good.”

You giggled between breaths, nodding your head slightly. You tilted it over towards his, Jensen already staring at you with soft hooded green eyes. 

“Definitely damn good,” you breathed. His lips tugged up into a smile, warm and gentle, his head inching closer to you. You sat up and leaned down to kiss him, Jensen breaking off when he needed air. You trailed a finger down his chest before climbing out of bed and excusing yourself to the bathroom. After you cleaned up you found Jensen chucking the condom in the trash and wiping himself off quickly. 

“Come here you,” he said. He picked you up bridal style and carried you back to the bed, laying you down carefully. “I’m big on after sex cuddling just so you know.”

“I find that to be a very attractive quality,” you said as he lay down. He reached down to the end of the bed and grabbed the bunched up blanket, pulling it over the two of you. His arm slid under your head and he pulled you into his side, encouraging you to use him as a pillow. “You’re warm.”

“So are you,” he said. He kissed your temple and let out a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I never thought I’d be able to do that ever again. Let alone not feel bad about doing it,” he said.

“You okay?”

“I’m great,” he said. “Really. I know Dee would have been telling me to not worry so I didn’t. I don’t...I feel like I can talk about her again, you know?”

“You used to call her your wife a lot. Recently you’ve been saying her name more. I think you really are healing, Jensen.”

“I knew the second you left earlier I messed up. I dropped the kids off at Jared’s and then I wound up at the cemetery. I saw these purple flowers there. It’s kinda a different flower but they were her favorite. I’ve only ever told one other person those were her favorites,” he said. You traced your finger over his pec and rested your palm flat on his chest. “Why’d you put flowers there?”

“Why wouldn’t I Jensen?”

“That’s how I knew I can stop being so scared when it comes to you. Purple fucking flowers. You’re just…”

“I love you too,” you said, giving his whole body a squeeze. He returned it, holding you for a long time, neither one of you saying a word. It wasn’t until you noticed the light starting to change in the room that you both moved. 

“Y/N,” said Jensen when you sat upright. You looked over your shoulder, a smile on his face. “Do you want to stay upstairs with me from now on instead of your room? It’s okay if-”

“I’d love to,” you said. “To be honest, I slept up here the other night.”

“You did?” he asked as you nodded.

“I missed you.”

“Me too,” he said.

“I know three little faces that really missed you too,” you said. He smiled and nodded. “Let’s go get the rascals.”

______

A/N: Read Part 9 here!

[alifeasvivid]

Your recent posts inspired me to share this idea that’s been in my head for a few years but I haven’t had the inspiration to actually make into a full story:

An au with Alfred and Arthur growing up together and Arthur’s known since he was pretty young that he’s gay, and Alfred learns this about Arthur at the same time, so it’s never an issue between them. Alfred is assumed het. By the time they’re in college; Arthur is like. Wildly in love with Alfred in the kind of “he’s my soulmate and no one knows me better and I would trust him with my life” sort of way because they’ve known each other for so long and have always been best friends. But obviously he can’t say that. So he just. Keeps his mouth shut when Alfred starts dating/sleeping with women, even if he is jealous. Alfred is a dumbass so he doesn’t notice any of this.

Then one day they’re up late chatting and when discussing Arthur’s crush on one of the hot professors, Alfred is like “I mean I don’t blame you, the dude is pretty sexy. If I were gay I’d tap that.” And Arthur is like ???? I’m sorry?

Alfred: what?

Arthur: Alfred, straight men don’t find each other attractive.

Alfred: What? Yeah we do. I mean, not all guys, obviously, but like, sometimes you see a dude and it’s like “damn he’s sexy” doesn’t mean we want to actually have sex with them, just. You know. I know a hot dude when I see em.

Arthur: Alfred… that’s… love, straight men don’t do that.

Alfred: of course they do, I mean, I do it and I’m straight.

Arthur: ……so you’re saying that you, a straight man, find men - some men - sexually appealing.

Alfred: yeah. …wait, hold on, no, I’m not - I like girls, dude.

Arthur: and men, apparently!

Alfred: I’m not gay!

Arthur: I didn’t say you were, you can like both men and women, Alfred, bisexuals exists

Alfred: …….hold up, that’s an OPTION

Arthur: ???!!!???!??

Anyway long story short a while after that they kiss and live happily ever after

this is really cute, anon. I think you should do it, I only have a few things to caution you about:

-heterosexuality is no more rigid than any other and straight men can totally think other men are attractive and still be straight -"if I was gay, I'd hit that" is a very common thing some (usually more progressive) straight people say and all it means is that they recognize the person is hot/aesthetically attractive -wanting to sleep with someone is not necessarily the same thing as being in love with them

I can very much see Alfred being type of dumdum who is very sure of his sexuality while simultaneously being at least somewhat wrong about it XD also the dialogue you have here is cute and very in character, imo. :D

[itsonlystrange]

So, after reading @hawkinsschoolcounselor latest post, I went into the comments and, boy- they were, well. They were not great. I mean I guess I laid this onto myself but, anyways, I’m going to be answering this comment right here:

This is ALL for fun! It’s all a bunch of light hearted love, but this comment REALLY ticked me the wrong way.

For starters: There’s always been this trope in media of “one is enough.” Or “we have enough representation!” And it’s VERY prevelant in tv shows. The theory that “oh! There’s already one gay character, that’s enough for you, right?” Is sh!tty. It’s horrible.

Think of it this way: if there are 200 white sheep in a room, and then the shepherd brings in one black sheep, do you think that would suffice the other black sheep from the other herds? Do you think that would ‘hold them over’? I mean imagine being a black sheep in a crowd of 200 other white sheep, you’d feel alone. Okay, so now pretend there is a tv show, and this black sheep is watching that tv show, and of course, all the actors in the tv show are WHITE SHEEP. So then, in season 3 of Sheeper Things, they FINALLY introduce a black sheep, and of course the black sheep is happy, but still, they can’t help but realize that all of the white sheep are still there and overcome that small black sheep by a LOT!

I’m assuming that comment was made by someone straight, as they clearly don’t grip representation. Also, I’m assuming that person is slightly homophobic, just by the way they phrased it. It seems odd, I mean, what’s the issue with having one more gay character?

Well apparently, in their minds, Will being able to overcome his childhood is much more effective then Will being gay- so.

Let me lay it out for you:

Surprise! You can be gay AND want to hold onto your childhood! And, there are already so many other characters that could have a lovely arc of learning to accept themselves and learning to be their true selves away from societies norms *cough* mike *cough* Lucas *cough* but of course, they want to make WILL the one who gets this arc because if Will was gay that means he has a better chance of getting with Mike! (This was under a Mileven video btw) so they want him to be canonically straight so there is no chance Mike and Will can be endgame!

Now second: 90% of the comments under this video are people saying they think he’s asexual.

1. You can be gay AND asexual

2. Asexuality is the feeling of not being sexually attracted to anyone. YOU CAN BE ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE IF YOURE ASEXUAL.

3. Will is fourteen! And if we’re using the logic of “oh he hasn’t wanted to kiss anyone so he’s asexual!” Then shouldn’t Dustin be asexual too?-

4. WILL IS FOURTEEN! Just because he doesn’t want to get down and dirty at that (very young age!) DOESNT mean that he doesn’t like sexual attraction at all. It’s kind of insane how people are seriously making these assumptions over a 14 year old child, some people like to wait, and that’s fine!

5. If the people in the comments meant aromantic, there really isn’t anything in the show that proves that he doesn’t like anyone, period. I think partially it’s heteronormativity and people not wanting to see the fact that Will clearly has a crush on mike, or had one in the past. The script even went as far as saying “But his eyes aren’t on the cute girl, they’re on - - Mike.”

Why do you think the script would put that in if there wasn’t something there, unrequited or not? Personally, I think that a lot of people don’t want to accept the fact that Will could have a crush on Mike as that would destruct their heteronormative bubble. They don’t want the main boy in the show to be gay because it disrupts the balance in their life. And it makes the chances of mike and Will ending up together being strong.

6. Saying “you have one gay character, that’s enough representation!” Is BULL. SH!T. There will NEVER be enough representation in the media for the lgbtq+ community. Ever. Even when we keep trying, there will always be something. Whether the show being cancelled or the one gay character dying, representation in the media for minorities are slim, but ESPECIALLY for the lgbtq+ community.

We are all VERY proud of Maya and Robin. We love Robin, but that doesn’t mean the Duffers just get to sit back and be like “oh, we already have one gay character, we don’t need more.” Like, what? That’s not how this works. Representation doesn’t just get to stop after the heterosexuals deem us to have “enough gay characters” or “if you add too many gay characters it’d get unrealistic” no. We’ve (me being a bisexual) have went through YEARS AND YEARS of ZERO representation. ZERO. While the hets always got their happily ever after love story, we WAITED.

We love Robin, but that doesn’t mean they can just halt Will’s arc since season one because you deem the representation to be enough.

This isn’t apples and oranges. Will can be gay AND not want to grow up. It isn’t always just black and white.

Maybe it’s the people who refuse to see the way Will looks at Mike, and just takes that as “2 bros looking at bros”, but there is very clearly something under the surface there.

since season ONE they have built Will up to be gay. Since the first episode.

Put it this way. Joyce used the term “f*g” in episode one. Why do you think they would use a slur like that If it weren’t going to go somewhere. What was the point of using a slur to describe Will in season one, or to Troy and James literally tormenting the Party for Will being gay almost all of season one. What was the point of that if that wasn’t going to go anywhere?

I can GUARANTEE that If Mike promised El that he’d go crazy together with HER instead of Will, the milevens would eat that up and call it “romantic!” However, because it’s just two boys, it’s totally platonic, right? It’s totally just two bros being bros.

If Mike held el’s hand like that and said “we won’t let him.” To el instead of Will, milevens would EAT THAT UP. They’d say that was the most romantic sh!t in the show.

If Mike told El that meeting her was the best thing he’d ever done, MILEVENS WOULD EAT THAT UP. They’d call it the most romantic thing of the century. It’d be on ever fan accounts Instagram pages. It’d be in all of the bios. But of course, because it’s two boys, it HAS to be platonic.

A lot of times milevens excuses for things are “well mike said he loved her so it’s end game”

Stancy, anyone?

Or Mike said “you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

In the most DRY way possible. If Mike said that to Will in that way, EVEN I WOULDNT BELIEVE HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH.

I mean the way Mike said that line clearly shows that el isn’t the most important thing in the world to him. There’s something underlying there. Like I said, that line was DRY. There was no emotion behind it. He was just saying that to get El to shut up, to get El to forgive him, so they could move on.

If Mike had said “you’re the most important thing in the world to me” to WILL like that instead of El, I wouldn’t have believed it either. And I bet that If that was the case the milevens would say “Mike doesn’t really love Will! That line was so dry!” But because it’s El and Mike, they say that’s the cutest thing since sliced bread.

Again, I have zero issues with Milevens, it’s only the toxic ones like the comment above that get to me.

Will has been set up to be gay from DAY ONE. The duffers have studied film for YEARS. Do you seriously think they’d let these all be coincidences? Do you seriously think that after writing season two NOBODY said, “hey, that’s a little gay.”

One scene is fine. If we only had gotten crazy together, yeah, I don’t think I would have thought it to be canon. But it’s the fact that they wrote in OVER 10 QUEER CODED ROMANTIC SCENES BETWEEN MIKE IN WILL, JUST IN SEASON TWO.

You can’t make that up! That cannot be an accident!

They’ve said over and over that everything they do, every song they play, every outfit the characters wear, is intentional. It’s all there for a reason.

Finn and Noah had to read these scripts, rehearse them, and then spent hours filming them. Do you seriously think it wouldn’t have cross their minds that “Hey! That’s a little weird Mr Duffer.”

That’s mostly because Finn and Noah probably already know where the show is headed.

If your only source of Mileven evidence is that Millie has said that they should get married and that they kissed in the end, then, I have some news to break.

Obviously, if anything were to happen in season 4 with Mileven not being end game, Millie couldn’t just say that. Finn couldn’t just say that. It’s their jobs to keep the fans intrigued and on their toes.

David knew he wasn’t really dead but he still had to pretend in interview after interview that Hopper was indeed dead. And he played it off pretty well.

Millie knew El wasn’t really dead after the season one finale yet she still had to play it off like El was.

So obviously, they can’t just outright say “Mileven isn’t end game!”

I mean,,, I’m sure they’d get fired for it.

So, we really shouldn’t pay attention to what the cast says in interviews, and we shouldn’t take that as canon, either. Their job is to subvert our expectations for the show, and they’re doing it well.

TL;DR:

Will can be gay and also have an arc where he doesn’t want to grow up and where he can learn to be his authentic self. The interviews the ST cast do should not be taken as canon as their jobs as actors are to keep us on our toes and subvert our expectations. Byler has a lot of proof and has a large chance of being canon, and most milevens don’t want to believe Will is gay because that means Will would have a larger chance of getting with Mike. The lgbtq+ community still need representation regardless of Robin and just because we got one lesbian does not mean the duffers can sit back and go back to their only heterosexual couples and ideas.

Byler is end game :)

@kaypeace21 @strangertheory @stranger-analysis @willthecleric (opinions?)