#no I absolutely did not spend 20 minutes on this at work instead of doing my job

[dobbysimp]

third year summer scenario i cant stop thinking about

sirius who spends his first summer properly at the potters for the first time gets exposed to James’ latino culture on full blast 24/7

sirius who starts to learn things, more so by proximity than actually trying to

learns what spices effie likes to add, what songs james plays around the house when he helps clean, that the pots and pans go in the oven(??? he wont question it) and that you save the plastic grocery bags under the sink

BUT sirius who after just one summer is very much a beginner in this new world of culture, and god james yk i cant understand spanish yet

sirius who feels guilty he isnt doing more to actively learn and connect with james’ culture but is so lost on where to start

sirius who heard effie call james mijo every day consistently until one day she calls him Jaime

not james, jaime

…

james what the fuck was that?

what?

your mom?? she called you- what did she call you?

my name? jaime?? yk, james in spanish?

…. so your name is jaime?

yeah? i mean it’s also jam-

AM I RACIST??

cue the panic of oh my god im just like my family omg am i colonizing you?? is it offensive james- fuck jaime im so fuckingsorryinevermeanttobe-

to which james would spend 30 minutes reassuring him its fine and he goes by both names and its absolutely no big deal and no padfoot you arent racist

and it is fine… until they go to sleep and sirius decides he needs to do better so he stays up all night determined he will learn spanish in one night

well, “learn” is a loose term, charm and spell his way to spanish

except, fucking wizards havent made a spell for this yet?? what??? fine I’ll make my own

sirius who, the morning after sits at breakfast tight lipped because oh he fucked up

and james asks whats wrong and sirius refuses to say a word for hours until eventually james gets sick of whatever is going on and tickles sirius to get him to talk

and sirius opens his mouth to tell james to stop, only for there to be absolute silence following, and then

laughter

james is on the floor crying. effie is bent over trying not to laugh too. through the door to the kitchen you can hear fleamont make no such attempt to hold his in

because sirius got the spell right, he can now speak spanish. the issue? he only charmed his voice to know grammar and vocabulary, he still has his accent

the OTHER issue? he can ONLY speak spanish

so sirius now sounds like a “no sabo, donde esta la biblioteca?” kid with his posh accent and shit pronunciation

james has a good 20 minutes of rolling around on the ground while sirius explains in aWfUl spanish what he did last night before james gets up to help undo the damage lest he bursts a lung from laughing

except, sirius MADE the spell, so undoing it is tricky. there’s no counter charm yet given sirius didnt come up with one and now he cant speak latin even to cast anything

after hours james has gotten nowhere, and effie refuses to help because its funny its not like its causing anyone harm so there’s no rush

so james thinks, what if instead of a counter curse he just makes another spell all together? one to fix sirius’ pronunciation. he’d be speaking spanish but at least they could take him siriusly seriously

long story short its been hours. he’s been switching back and forth between a counter curse and trying the new pronunciation spell and, well, his brain sorta starts mixing both

so at 4am one fine summer monday, james’ wand casts a light as it works its magic on a half asleep sirius, both of them freeze and stare at each other because oh merlin did they do it?

and sirius opens his mouth and- out comes english

FINALLY, ENGLISH

…

…in a tHick colombian accent

okay so maybe james forgot he didnt need to fix his spanish pronunciation if he was making him speak english again

so now sirius just sounds like he’s mocking james’ accent

all of this to respect james’ culture and now he sounded aCtUaLlY racist?? kill him

[only-1-a]

Imagining this within the first week of Charles and Edwin knowing each other. Charles has helped Edwin catch up on a BIT of what’s happened in the last 70 years, but Edwin can tell that Charles’ knowledge and strengths are not in history (finding out there was an even worse world war right after The Great War was certainly horrific though). So Edwin decides his best bet is to look in the public archives. Charles is sitting in the room with him absolutely bored out of his skull when he comments “Wow, you weren’t joking about not being great at people, were you?”

To which Edwin’s patience runs out, and he snidely responds, “Evidently not. If my researching the events of the last seventy years is so off-putting to you, then you can leave.”

Edwin was expecting some kind of token protest, but instead Charles just hops up, and says, “Cheers mate. See you.” Then LEAVES. Just like that. Edwin would like to be offended, but he supposes he did tell Charles to go. He just thought there would have been more to it than that? It almost feels…anticlimactic. At least he and Charles barely knew each other. Better to cut their losses now than get attached. Even as he thinks it he can’t help but feel maybe he was already growing attached.

So he spends the whole day digging through the archive and he learns so much about the past half century. It’s amazing and daunting just how much as changed. No wonder Charles hadn’t been able to go over even a fraction of it. It’s like the world is a completely different place.

He’s engrossed in his research when a head pops in through the door, and violently startles him with a cheerful, “Hey mate!” Edwin doesn’t have a heartbeat, but if he did it would be running a mile a minute from that fright. Charles is just grinning as he walks through the door. “I have to say, that’s my favourite part of being dead so far. I can just walk through walls.” Charles continues to chat happily, completely oblivious to Edwin’s shock.

Eventually Edwin gains enough of his senses back to interrupt Charles and say, “You came back.”

Charles just cocks his head, but he’s still smiling. “Yeah bruv. You’ve been here ALL DAY. The sun’s started going down. I know we don’t need to eat or sleep, but I figure you should take a break. Plus all the people playing football at the park left, so I got bored.”

Edwin doesn’t quite know what to say to that. He’s still working on the fact Charles came back. Charles hadn’t planned on leaving in any permanent way. He just went to do his own thing while Edwin did his. Yet instead of anything intelligent coming out of his mouth, he says “Football?”

“Oh c’mon! I know you had football even a thousand years ago. Yeah, I went to play with some other guys at the park across the street.”

Edwin snorts at that, and isn’t that a strange and wonderful feeling, laughing after all this time. He doesn’t even know if he did it often before he went to Hell, but here Charles has been making him laugh on and off for the week they’ve known each other. “Yes, we had football. You’ll have to explain how you managed to play a team sport without being seen by either team. You are right though. If it’s getting dark out, they’ll be turning the lights out in here soon. We might as well leave for the day.”

“Cheers. Mostly it involved messing with the ball so it went the wrong way when they kicked it. Oh! I kicked one over a fence. Do you think we can go grab it? How about your day? Learn anything exciting?”

Edwin leads them out, and now in a much better mood he shares something he thinks Charles will enjoy. “As a matter of fact, there was quite a lot about how music evolved, and styles from the Americas really took off since the 20s.”

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Dialogue v. Tags v. full sentences

A (mind numbing) fight on the internet, particularlly twitter goes something like this:

"Absolutely no tags on any of your dialogue." (or it's bad writing)

"Tag every line of dialogue." (or it's bad writing.)

"Superlatives on every line of dialogue." (Or it's bad writing)

"I absolutely will not change the way my characters speak so full sentences everywhere before the dialogue." (or it's bad writing.)

Can we do a face drag here? If you did all of these to the extreme like they suggest, yes, they are all bad writing.

!@#$ Twitter makes it hard to read the entire argument. So, I'm going to go over the origin of the advice for each of these in a fit of, WTF is with the extremists missing the point?

And please, advice isn't an either/or, often it's a yes and, and try it for yourself. Also, this is why you should give credit to your sources. I originally improved my dialogue from an old back isue of Writer's Digest who went over part of this. I like story theory over hardcore rules.

"Absolutely no tags on your dialogue."

This was originally posted by me into Nanowrimo in order to DIAGNOSE Dialogue. The point wasn't to get rid of stage directions, which was a Brandon Sanderson thing as part of an exercise he did for writing excuses, but from the original article in Writer's Digest it was to ask the following questions:

If you leave the writing alone for a week, without tags, can you tell who said what in the dialogue? This doesn't have to apply all of the time, but it should apply about 80-95% of the time.

To check the flow and pacing of the dialogue.

To check the emotionality of the dialogue.

THEN, you put back the tags, then check if the tags are necessary still. This is a good way to get rid of adverbs on tags.

So instead of:

"I was waiting a long time," he said angrily through clenched teeth.

You can rewrite the dialogue to:

"Unbelievable. I've been waiting over an hour," he said.

See, the difference? The second one has more punch and personality.

Also, it can help with checking the flow and pacing of the dialogue.

Sometimes dialogue sounds jerky, and you don't know why, so dropping tags helps, figure out if you need a pause, or if you need to change up the mood. So slow, fast, snappy, snarky, etc.

After you finish diagnosing, then you can cut down on the tags.

"Tag every line of your dialogue."

No, this is bad writing in this extreme.

This is a crutch and makes you do things like post, "he said, storming across the room." instead of using dialogue and the tags to support each other.

Who wants to read every line of dialogue with a he said, she said, they said?

C'mon? Who invented this idea? I didn't post it anywhere. This both makes the dialogue weaker and the tags weaker.

YES, you absolutely need some tags, sometimes as a lazy way FOR THE READER so they don't have to spend 20 minutes figuring it out, but once you have it established, NO, you don't have to tag every line. Sometimes objectively, it's easy to figure it out and you will still need to tag the dialogue anyway. And if you go over a page, it's a good idea about every page to add a dialogue tag. (This comes from Brandon Sanderson.) (~250 words)

But adding it to EVERY Line. No, your reader isn't that dumb. Sometimes it's better to edit the dialogue itself.

"I went to the park yesterday," she said.

"Oh, was it fun?" he asked.

"No, it was terrible," she said.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," he said.

"Yeah, a wild bear got loose," she said.

Why are you tagging every line? After the first she said he asked, you can cut it, unless there are more than one person in the conversation. Then you better make sure the way the character speaks is clear as day.

Superlatives on every line.

Face drag again. No. Improve what's inside of the dialogue unless it is overly short. Try to make shorter dialogue pack a punch.

"Hello," he whispered.

Probably would work.

But if you're writing something like,

"Hello," he said to his long time acquaintance otherwise not quite his friend, but teacher.

REVISE PLEASE unless you're making fun of bad dialogue or purposefully being pedantic. You're better served by writing, "Hey, Mr. Jerico."

See, contrast. You can probably figure out from one line of dialogue the type of relationship it is and it's much shorter.

If you're at the point where you have to explain the relationship to that much detail, replace it with dialogue.

"I was not at the movies with that girl," he shouted.

You could probably rewrite this to something like:

"I saw you cheating on me with that girl," Mark said.

"That girl was my friend."

"Kissing? If you were polyamorous, you should have told me."

See... more punch.

I absolutely will not change the way my character speaks so full sentences before and after the dialogue without any tags anywhere.

Cue me eye rolling again. WTH is with this idea. Do you know how terrible this would be to read?

Let's take the scenario up above and do this.

Mark paced the room. "I saw you cheating on me with that girl."

Patrice growled significantly. It was not true in the slightest that Patrice had cheated on Mark. "That girl was my friend."

Mark turned towards Patrice and stared. "Kissing? If you were polyamorous, you should have told me."

TT It ruined the pacing. Every single line with this. NO. Please. God, no. The snappiness of the dialogue is gone. and the feel of an argument has been diluted a ton. It's pedantic to read.

This was originally suppose to tell you if no matter what you are doing to the dialogue, it's not working, and you can't do anything about it. BACK UP, read from earlier and swell the emotion from an earlier point.

(Yeah, not conflict, but yes, emotion.)

So if your character has to say something with a long supporting tag like...

"I was at the mansion earlier to find the study where I found the clue in the second drawer." Juan said very self-satisfied with himself. He saluted to his chief.

But it's in the middle of the book, either you need to write that scene and establish Juan better, earlier, or you need to completely reassess the new scene.

"Was it where we said it was?"

"Yep," Juan said.

See... if you established the previous information, the dialogue becomes shorter and snappier.

If you're writing between two characters who know each other, such as a mother and daughter,

"As your mother, I hope you have completed your homework and completed your chores before you leave to school today."

It sounds unbelivably stilted, and ABSOLUTELY you should change what's in the dialogue and how your character is speaking instead of thinking that what's in the quotes is super precious. What mother really speaks like that?

It would sound more natural to say, "Did you finish your math homework? Don't forget breakfast. And finish the dishes when you get home from school."

Then you don't even have to add the mother bit at all. What the hell is that dialogue. No, the point of editing dialogue at all is to make sure the character SOUNDS UNIQUE and SOUNDS like them, in relation to other people in the scene and works in the setting. The character should not be speaking to someone they have an in-joke system with the same way they are speaking to a janitor they barely know.

If you think the way your character speaks is too precious that you need to add huge swaths of explanation afterwords in full sentences, you really need to work on your dialogue so you can occasionally not put full sentences afterwards.

Conclusion

Use all of these techniques and whatever else you need to get the scene to work.

[freefromthecocoon]

Gaslighting in the fandom

I have some very hot takes here that may piss off a lot of you, but I can't not say anything anymore.

I have been quiet for a long time about a certain member of the Caryl fandom. This person blocked me a long time ago when I dared to disagree with her and the collective because I felt like we did not know the whole story of what went down when TWD ended and the spinoff changed. But I have kept tabs on her misguided rantings though. I have long had a theory about this particular member of fandom. I believe this person had good intentions to begin with, but now it almost appears as an ego trip to prove that her theories were correct when almost all her theories have blown up in her face. (AI Melissa anyone?). I also question whether someone who spends as much time on Tumblr writing bad theories and answering an incredible amount of asks has true ties to the entertainment industry. I know there are others who feel the same way and if you choose to block me or ignore me I understand. I will rejoice when Caryl goes canon by myself if need be.

"You are absolutely right that, so far, what AMC is showing us instead is that they allow insecure men to punish talented women and gaslight fans who threaten their vision. "

A direct quote from her most recent post. I do agree that AMC marketing has gaslit fans at times and yes there have been instances when women have not gotten a fair shake. But I heartily disagree that they "punish" talented women. If you think that then you really have not been paying attention to the marketing for The Ones Who Live. Danai has been front and center in interviews and seems to have had full creative control over directions of the story for Rick and Michonne. Same with Lauren C when Dead City promo was going on. I truly hope we hear from Melissa soon, but I also know that Melissa has never been a fan of having to do press, most likely because she doesn't like all the attention. I hope that with the upcoming months we see more of her interacting in the public, but I would not be surprised if we did not.

Another quote: "That's not a show I can support. I admire Carol and Melissa because they rise above everyone who puts them down. I love Caryl because they represent the light at the end of the tunnel. Gimple, Nicotero, and Zabel are 100% NOT on our side and never will be, but I need AMC and Norman to show me that they are."

Honestly...I can't disagree about Gimple. I have been totally glad he has been far away from Daryl Dixon being distracted by his being showrunner on TOWL. But Nicotero and Melissa McBride are incredibly close and always have been. The rumors were rampant about tension on the set the last day of filming TWD and then a few months later, we got these pics from BTS.

Along with Norman laying his head in Melissa's lap. All seemed very much at ease.

I know Zabel has not always chosen his words carefully but it also seems that he is very excited to be working with Melissa as well as Norman. As far as being shipbaity with other female characters....well he talks in typical showrunner speak about that. Let us not forget the whole 10C debacle with Leah being introduced in a 20 minute flashback scene. And that was EVERY BIT on Kang, so spare me the righteous indignation that a female showrunner knows best, because obviously Kang did not. Norman and Melissa both hated that storyline...it was not fun as Kang always likes to say it was. I am glad she is gone from the spinoff.

Well, I think I have said enough now to get the rest of the fandom pissed off at me, so I guess I will sign off for now. Believe what you want, but don't fall victim to someone who is trying to reclaim a self-perceived power position by claiming an authority she clearly does not have. Enjoy the show or don't. But I will be around to spread positivity as we get new promo and interviews with hopefully both Melissa AND Norman.

[shinyhappysims]

Saturday, 12:03 AM, Saelim Household, Tomarang

Fluke: Hey Nat, did i ever tell you about this video I watched?

Natharinee: *sighs* No, what did you watch.

Fluke: Did you know that the universe won’t end for another trillions upon trillions of years? Humans are just a blip in grand scheme of things. What we do with our short, insignificant lives shouldn’t be such a big deal! The black holes will outlive us all!

Natharinee: Is there a point to you telling me this?

Fluke: Oh yeah. I quit my job. My mom’s mad at me. But I don’t think it should matter.

Natharinee: Fluke, that’s—

Glory-Jane: Ahem.

Natharinee: Ah, hell. How long have you been standing there?

Glory-Jane: A while.

Fluke: Oh man, I thought I was high as fuck and imagined that girl standing there. Who’s this, Nat?

Natharinee: *groans* One of my cousins. The weird ones, remember? Does your mom know you’re up and outside, kid?

Glory-Jane: No. I come out here when I need a break from listening to screaming children. Please don’t tell her.

Natharinee: You don’t have to worry about that at all. I’ve only spoken to your mother once in my life and it wasn’t on purpose.

Glory-Jane: Thank you. I’ll leave in a minute.

Natharinee: Nah, stay as long as you need. I can’t imagine that things are going well on that side of the house. Anyways, you look kinda shook up. You alright?

Glory-Jane: Yeah…

Natharinee: Don’t lie. I’m not dumb like your parents.

Glory-Jane: Fine. Your friend’s right. Life is short, and I’m terrified I’m going to spend my all of my years in total misery. I don’t believe in God. I turn 18 next year and I know my parents are probably going to marry me off to some crusty dude that’s a decade older than me and I’ll have to be his baby machine for the rest of my life. That’s my worst nightmare and I can feel it becoming a reality.

Fluke: Oof. Don’t think your parents would want to hear that.

Natharinee: Dude, shut up.

Fluke: Yes ma’am.

Natharinee: But seriously. It doesn’t have to be a reality. What do you want to do with your life instead?

Glory-Jane: … It’s silly.

Fluke: Can’t be sillier than getting married at 18 and having 20 kids.

Glory-Jane: Um… Don’t laugh. I want to be a model.

Natharinee: How is that silly? Look at you. You could realistically do it. You should go be a model.

Glory-Jane: But what if I’m wrong? About everything?

Natharinee: Look, Mercy?… Gracie-Belle… Holy shit, I don’t even know which one of them you are. But anyways… No one knows if they’re doing the right thing in life. Not even your parents. They’re just loud and overconfident. That’s why you have to forge your own path instead of just listening to them. Find a way to make money and get out of here the second you turn 18. I’ll even help you out. And if the modeling thing doesn’t work out, at least you’ll have your own place, your own money and won’t be married to a balding 30 year old man and barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Glory-Jane: Oh wow, you’ll help me? Are you sure?

Natharinee: Absolutely. I’ve always been weirdly concerned about you guys.

Glory-Jane: Thank you. I’ll find a way to make some money!

Natharinee: Atta girl. You wanna smoke?

Glory-Jane: Hmmm. No. Not tonight.

[dukeofriven]

So I haven't watched Spy Kids for probably 20 years? It came out in 2001, I never saw in theatres, but my stepbrother had it on VHS. I remember watching it several times when my step-mum and father first started dating but never after they moved into a house together, which I think cannot have been any later than 2003. The podcast How Did This Get Made just got me to watch 2004's Sleepover staring Spy Kids' Alex Vega, and it had me going 'man, I should rewatch Spy Kids, a film I used to love—hell I should watch all the Spy Kids movies because I've only ever seen the first and Robert Rodriguez is a director whose work I want to dive into' and since its 2023, with a little bit of effort I can easily do that. (Also, I always thought, based on a vague knowledge of their similar poster design, that Spy Kids 3D and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl were the same movie, but apparently not! Also, Sharkboy et al. had a 2021 sequel? That was popular? And is getting its own sequel? Will have to investigate.) Thoughts on the opening ten minutes of my Spy Kids rewatch:

This production logo is so ugly it causes me physical pain. I hate this boy with his Kate Moss arms (Miraculous Ladybug arms, for you youngsters out there), his ugly beanie, and unbearable smirk.

Also, the telecine weave on the production logos is very noticeable, they're bouncing all over the place and it got me idly musing as to when more modern image stabilization techniques simply took that away. Not that we really noticed in 2001 because even with auto-tracking, gate-weave and other playback artifacts were just accepted as a given on your eight hundred pound convex CRT TV with 480 Ps of resolution that output enough radiation to kill grandma with a Jeopardy marathon. Do young people know about VHS tracking, auto or otherwise? Does the above paragraph make any sense to them at all? Do they know the pleasures of laying your hand on a still-warm television screen and having your whole body shiver as the static discharge runs through your unresistant flesh? Kids today with their big pants and their blue-tooth hula-hoops and their fancy PSPs just can't understand.

The opening shot of the movie is so under-exposed (or, more likely, over-exposed and then over-corrected in post) that Rodiguez's 'written and directed' credit is unreadable. You can see its blur to the right of the red 'FILM' there. It's so bad I thought there was something wrong with my copy so I... uh... found a new copy with a larger file size and it turns out that, nope, it actually just looks like that. Even in fancy 1080p this is just a terrible ærial shot. There's some fantastic shots and cuts in this film so to open with such a stinker is bizarre. Was it bad coverage that day, only one good shot in the can, did somebody fuck-up the film in the lab? I am curious.

Carla Gugino is so cute in this movie it's criminal. Not to be a lesbian but oh my god oh my fucking god. 12 year-old me was all about Carmen but adult me just wants 90 straight minutes of Carla Gugino in casualwear wandering around her lovely home smiling coyly. I would buy a BluRay player to own that movie on BluRay. I'd not picked-up that she played the mom on The Haunting of Hill House because she had long styled hair instead of this absolutely flawless textured pixie cut. 10/10, no notes.

I would like to spend an hour talking about the incredible tilework in that bathroom and nothing but the incredible tilework in that bathroom. I will update you if the film has any further shots of the incredible tilework in that bathroom but I fear it does not. As as an aside, kind of furious that this film was not more influential in the field of home decor. Two decades of effing shiplap and cold grey suburban blandness—what if we'd given up on bloated cookie cutter micro-mcmansion shitboxes and instead gone all-in on brightly coloured Andalusian rough plaster and stonework? What if we all had great tilework in our bathrooms, like the kitchen sink in Howl's Moving Castle?

You know what I mean, you depraved tile nerds.

I don't want you to think Antonio Banderas is not also a total smokeshow in this movie. Because boy howdy. He's a goddamn hunk.

There's a four-second long shot of Banderas flicking this ring box along the coping of the Eiffel Tower balustrade, and all I can think of how hard it was to get to get that box to stay in a straight line, how completely frictionless the box must be (did he shellac it?), and if his marriage prospects would have been ruined had it—in all rational likelihood—gone flying off the railing and smashed into the Champs de Mars.

You know you're in for a rollicking good time when the helicopter perfectly slices-off the stone heads of the two statues, but it's the padre giving the benediction while attack choppers go roaring over head that gives you chills.

A particular shout-out to this lovely unnamed bridesmaid on the left here who not only takes 'putting a parachute on the bride' in stride but looks gleeful and fabulous doing it. Where's her movie?

In 2001 we really thought computers were going to be cool and fun instead of machines that sold our personal lives to corporations and gave children crippling anxiety disorders.

Carla Gugino has a track built into the floor so that her vanity-computer chair can slide backwards across the room so she can have face-to-face chats with her husband. From this we learn two things: 1) she does this so often she's automated it for maximum efficiency, and 2) Banderos, in an ordinary desk chair, never attempts (or knows better than to attempt?) the reverse. To be continued?

[stellar-constellations]

"Christmas isn't in July?!"

        Writer! Fem! (Y/N) x Flower shop owner! Tanjirou

        Prompt from a prompt generator: "A owns a flower shop and one day B comes in. B slaps 20 bucks onto the counter and then asks  "How do I passive-agressively say 'fuck you' in flower?" and A bursts out laughing before making a bouquet for B"

        The Kamado family was famous for their bakery’s fresh bread and flowers. The eldest son took over the bakery not too long ago and helped make a huge profit out of the family business with their diplomatic advertising and their delicious recipes.

        I became a regular customer soon after their eldest son took over. Their mother and sister tends to the garden growing organically grown flowers of many different varieties. 

        I figured that I needed to go outside instead of being cooped up in my bedroom all day writing as I multitasked from looking out the window and at half-typed page that I haven’t touched in 20 minutes. I quickly grabbed my keys and locked the apartment, deciding to leave and go get coffee. I took my laptop too in case I randomly get hit with inspiration or a idea as I spend an hour curled up on the side of some poor owner’s wall typing away at my keyboard (don’t ask why that was so detailed).

        It didn’t matter that I was in my pajamas and my hair was a little messy from just waking up 2 hours ago (it also didn’t help that I didn’t brush my hair when I woke up either). But that’s fine, lots of people go to places with coffee while looking like they got hit by semi-trucks. Besides, with a gamble of my luck, my hair might just fix itself. 

        I walked into the shop, noticing instantly that I was the only customer. The bell rang as I entered, walking up to the cash register and observing the menu. I’ve never been here before but I’ve heard of it from a friend or two. They said the place was really good but looking around this place looks absolutely deserted.

        Maybe I should call up one of my friends to see if they want to stay here with me, this place is a little creepy alone. I thought. Actually, never mind, I wouldn’t get any work done that way. 

        The sacrifices of being an anti-social writer I must make. Sacrifice my work or my comfort? I decided on my comfort, especially after I made eye-contact with a boy who started walking to the cash register from out of the kitchen door. If I leave now, I’ll feel guilty. 

        “Hello! What can I get started for you today?” the boy asked cheerfully.

        Chill, it’s only 3 p.m. right now… I thought, not quite enjoying his energetic persona.

        “Um…the raspberry lemonade?” I smiled nervously.

        I just realized that I don’t know how to explain what a Carmel Macchiato from Starbucks is so the boy could copy it nor did I realize how attractive the male was until he got closer.

        I suddenly felt self-conscious of my morning appearance as I started fiddling with my fingers and shirt as he typed the order down.

        “Anything else?” he questioned.

        I quickly looked at the menu, noticing the flower menu. I looked at it confused. His gaze followed mine as he smiled.

        “The flower menu? My mother and sister works on the garden in the greenhouse outside. The flowers are organically grown with no pesticides or chemicals so their all natural.” The boy explained. “They’re really pretty and great for gifts! I can explain the flower language for you if you want.”

        “Um, okay… I’ll have a vase and a white-pink orchid.” I answered.

        “Great choice! Did you know orchids have different meanings such as luxury, wealth, fertility, good fortune, and abundance?” he explained excitedly. 

        I felt a smile creep onto my face as his contagious energy got to me.

        “I didn't know that. I’m getting the flower so I can get good luck to being productive today—fingers crossed.” I smiled and crossed my fingers to liven my words.

        He smiled back. “Well, in that case, allow me to give you my own fortune.”

        Before I could ask him what he meant he disappeared behind the doors and didn’t come back until a few minutes. I waited semi-patiently as I looked around the small yet homey shop.

        I saw small heads peek out from behind the counter, easily being able to figure out that it was the other Kamado siblings. I looked at them nervously, unsure what to do as they stared at me curiously. Do they not think I can see them?

        I settled on smiling shy and awkwardly as I waved at them. They smiled, giggling as they scattered outside in excited and speaking in childish voices I couldn't understand. 

        I smiled slightly, well at least I made them laugh. The boy said soon came back from the back of the store with a vase filled with white-pink orchids. 

        "Here you go!" he smiled, placing the flower pot gently on the counter. 

        "Uh...I said one..." I mumbled awkwardly as I thought about how much that would be in total if I got them all.

        I'll admit, it looks prettier with all the flowers together but I don't plan on spending 30 bucks for flowers and lemonade for myself. 

        "I said I'll give you my fortune, didn't I?" he spoke gently, causing my heart strings to be pulled. "I was originally going to give you an extra but it seems my siblings wanted you to have more." He chuckled nervously as four heads popped out behind him in sync. 

        "W-what!? I didn't give her one!" one of the kids shouted, his face going red. 

        "Yeah, you did! Don't you lie, Takeo!" a young girl said. 

        "Besides, even the dullest flower can bloom the brightest with another's touch." The eldest smiled.

        I smiled back nervously. "W-well... thank you for thinking of me?" I commented.

        "The flowers are free." He smiled, reading my mind as he got straight to the point.

        "Free? You don't gotta, I can pay." I spoke, flabbergasted.

        "No, no! I insist! Though the lemonade you'll be paying for." The boy chuckled nervously.

        "Way to be a gentleman..." The young sister spoke sarcastically, puffing out her cheeks and giving her brother a disapproving glare.

        "Lady killer...and not in a good way." The tsundere brother teased as he placed his hands behind his head.

        I giggled, seeing the playful sibling banter between them.

        "You're all siblings, right? I heard this bakery was family owned." I asked, making small talk as I grabbed my wallet from my pocket. 

        "Yes. I'm Tanjirou Kamado, the new owner. These are my siblings, Hanako, Takeo, Shigeru, and Rokuta. My other sister is out back along with my mother." The boy, Tanjirou, explained.

        "I'm Y/N. You're the new owner, huh? How has that been treating you?" I questioned, trying to last the conversation as I slid him 20 bucks.

        "It's very exhausting..." he physically deflated, causing his youngest brother, Rokuta, to poke him and giggle. "Oh. The lemonade was two dollars." Tanjirou explained.

        "Consider it a thank you for the flowers and your hospitality." I smiled as I picked up my flower pot. "You think I could hang here for some time? I have some work to do on my computer and I love your bakery's atmosphere; it's calm and it'll help me think." I spoke. 

        He smiled excitedly and nodded. "Stay for as long as you like; we don't mind!" 

        That was the first time I met Tanjirou. Who knew my work would lead me to becoming friends with a locally famous baker? His bakery has now expanded and is now located a bit further from my apartment, yet I make an effort to try and get there every day. Whenever I skip a day, I'm greeted with kids huddled around me as Tanjirou they sulk about how much they missed me. 

        Tanjirou being Tanjirou, he's turned the bakery into a fundraiser too. Orphaned children and the children's hospital patients come here and hang out to get away from bad news or to enjoy their time with friends. I volunteered to read kid books and family-friendly novels for the children since I'm aware my books aren't exactly kid-friendly.

        Tanjirou was absolutely flabbergasted when he found out I was a writer, specifically the new trending writer Y/N (yes it was hilarious watching his face morph from excitement to confusion to embarrassment to guilt to straight up tears of how he didn't figure this out sooner).

        For months, I'd come in and help out. On days I didn't help, I'd work on my book or buy flowers. Tanjirou's been studying a whole bunch of flower language to try and figure out flower facts I don't know so he can impress me explain the meanings in more depth, but I believe it's endearing. Throughout our journey of getting to know each other, I've found myself to be slowly falling for him.

        "I need blue hydrangeas, some white lilies, and iris!" I explained in a rush as I ran up to the counter.

        "For your father? It's Father's Day! Did you know hydrangeas represent gratitude, grace, family, and beauty? And white lilies mean purity, innocence, rebirth, and caring. And Iris represents love and trust." Tanjirou explained.

        "Yes! I'm aware! Thank you!" I smiled, tapping my foot anxiously. "And I'm late to dinner!" I cried out. 

        "Oh! Oh no!" Tanjirou exclaimed. "I'll get your flowers right away!" he ran quickly, getting my flowers in just a few minutes.

        I slammed money down on the counter, not bothering to check the amount as I ran out towards the door.

        "Good luck! Tell your dad I said hi!" he screamed. 

        Yeah, my dad doesn't like you but I'll tell him. 

        Other encounters went like this.

        I slammed 40 bucks on the counter and looked at him Tanjirou irritated. "Give me the most hateful and rudest bouquet you can make while the flowers look pretty!" I huffed out.

        "U-um...what happened? If you don't mind me asking." Tanjirou questioned, nervously. 

        "I'm going to a party with my friends and we're doing Secret Santas. Unfortunately, my friend gave me my ex as the person I'm going to be gifting." I explained, glaring at the counter. "And I don't like them but I want it to be passive-aggressive." I smiled. "And, I'm petty." 

        "Um...okay." He laughed nervously, disappearing out back.

        He came back and handed me a bouquet.

        "Geraniums represent stupidity, foxglove represents insincerity, meadowsweet represents uselessness, yellow carnations represent 'you have disappointed me', and orange lilies represent hatred." Tanjirou explained. 

        "One more thing." I slammed another 40 bucks on the counter, this time more gently. "Give me a whole bunch of lavender, pink bluebells, peonies, roses, and red chrysanthemum." He gave me an extremely confused look yet agreed. 

        He came back with the flowers and looked at me confused. "I thought you said you hated your ex?" Tanjirou questioned. 

        "Yeah? Well, happy birthday and I love you." I blurted out, handing him back the love bouquet as I grabbed the hate bouquet and ran.

        "Thanks? But wait! Christmas isn't in July?!" Tanjirou exclaimed. 

        "The flowers are for you!" I shouted, before shutting the bakery door and racing out of the apartment, ignoring the smile present on my face.

        Have any requests? Check my masterlist to see the characters I write for: Masterlist

[thorniest-rose]

hi Angel… ughhhh…. I have a strange question I think but I’m so curious and can’t help but asking… don’t you feel like you spend your writing energy when you post something like headcanons, takes, ideas, answers to questions on tumblr? I’m just wondering because I have realized recently that I absolutely have no energy to write anything but at the same time I post something on my twitter almost every day. And I thought maybe it steals my writing energy… so I would like to know is it similar to someone else and especially I’d like to know what do you think about that? How do you feel that? 

hi my love!! yes this is definitely something I struggle with sometimes. Because I love to be so active in the fandom in a social way, I can spend a lot of time interacting and writing headcanons and little ideas just for socials, when a lot of this time could go into my actual fic writing.

But likewise sometimes I find that I don't have the energy for writing fic, and instead writing headcanons and small things means I'm still being creative and interacting with the fandom without having to write a full fic. I wish I did have much more time to write fic, but I also have a full-time job and other hobbies & responsibilities so sometimes doing the headcanons and social posts is the only thing I have time to do.

I'd say generally, don't beat yourself up if you don't have the energy or motivation to write fic right now. The worst thing you can do is try to force it. What you could do as a compromise, is spend just a little time every day working on something. It doesn't have to be an hour or two hours, it could just be 20 minutes. And that way you're still flexing your creative muscles and chipping away at what you want to write without feeling like you're getting nowhere with it.

So maybe take away just 20 or 30 mins of social time and write in your doc, even if it's very rough. It'll help you feel accomplished at the end of each day without being wiped out. Also experiment with your tone of voice and characterisation / plot etc so what you're working on doesn't start to feel stale. I want to write a couple of shorter pieces for example because I tend to write around 20k for each fic and sometimes I just don't have the time to fully commit to that.

Stay open too to new things too. Read as much as you can, watch films, look at art, anything that'll help give you inspiration, it doesn't have to be fandom-related. Sometimes a single image sparks off an idea for an entire fic and that's so exciting to me. Like "chalice" was completely inspired by a photo of a wine bottle upturned on a picnic blanket and an entire fic came from it.

So be kind to yourself, don't force it, take breaks, and put in a little time each day towards your writing rather than posting on socials. You'll find a good balance 🩷🩷🩷

[theghostpinesmusic]

I've already written about a few "Thatch"s in my time as a guy who randomly writes blog posts on the internet about Goose jams that almost nobody reads (thanks if you do!), so I'm not going to do an introductory bit this time around. I'm also not going to link to every single one of those previous "Thatch" posts, but if you're interested in any of my previous Goose posts in general, this is probably the easiest way to wade through them.

If you're feeling unprepared for reading about the 6/5/24 "Thatch," here are the main things you need to know at the onset:

Goose is a band that makes good music, sometimes for upwards of twenty or thirty minutes at a time without stopping.

Usually only one or two of the geese play guitar at one time, though at least three of them can play guitar, theoretically speaking.

Most of the time, two of the geese play drums.

The collective noun for a group of geese is a "gaggle." If they are in flight, they are known as a "skein."

"Thatch" is a certified banger about Milo from Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

This version of "Thatch" is approximately the 4,000th version I've listened to, but it's only the second version the band has played live with their new drummer, Cotter Ellis.

Can you tell I've been writing assignment sheets for my classes all afternoon?

Anyway, last time I brought you all the good news about the 6/4 tour opener and, in particular, the massive version of "Borne" contained within. Well, it turns out that the band continued on to play a second show on 6/5 at the same venue! Go figure!

I'm honestly not sure why anyone would spend a second night in St. Louis after spending a first night there, but in this case I'm glad Goose did because 6/5 is a great show.

If you're only here for the big jams, this show does take a little while to get going (compared to, say, the 6/4 show with its monster opening "All I Need"); however, for my money the meat of the first set is well-sequenced and well-played despite the lack of deep improv. Any show that opens with "Atlas Dogs" > "Turbulence & The Night Rays," "Earthling or Alien?," and then a rare full-band "It Burns Within" is okay in my book.

"Tumble" was a bit stagnant for most of '23 to my ears, but has become an absolute monster jam vehicle since Cotter joined the band: the 6/5 version is a great example of that, and it's followed by a "Rockdale" that paints just far enough outside the lines to wrap up the first set in grand fashion. But I'm not writing about that!

Instead, I'm going to be covering most of the second set in my next two posts ("Thatch" in this one and "Red Bird -> Tomorrow Never Knows" in the next one) so...there's also a pretty cool "Creatures" in-between, too, I guess?

Suffice to say it's a badass enough second set that I'm spending my afternoon work break writing about parts of it two days in a row.

Let us begin with this here "Thatch"!

We get some brief set-opening space noises at the onset here, but the song proper starts at 0:35, and the drop into The Funk Kingdom hits at 1:20. This version seems to be played at a particularly slow tempo, which is a little odd to me considering lots of songs that felt slower-than-before in '22 and/or '23 have been getting played faster in '24. It doesn't super matter, I suppose: if playing "Thatch" slower makes it more interesting to the band, more power to them. I'm just used to them ripping through this tune and this version feels a bit more like wading through molasses.

Sexy, funky molasses...

Nerd fact: Peter's wearing the same Marvin The Martian shirt he was wearing for last year's Amsterdam "Thatch," one of my favorite bits of the Euro tour. I mean, I don't know if it's literally the same shirt, but I assume it is.

Anyway, after a tidy and efficient FONK workout, the band drops into Improv Mode at 6:28.

One thing I've noticed at this point, having watched a fair amount of '24 Goose shows, is how much more often and obviously Trevor leads the direction of the band's jamming. This is one of those points. Sure, everyone's adding touches right away (and Pete should know that I'm a sucker for that siren effect) but Trevor has the wheel and the rest of us are just along for the ride.

Around 7:20, Peter switches over to his xylophone patch, and things take a turn toward what we would have called "Plinko" in 2010. I dig this sound a lot: nobody is particularly soloing over everyone else, but everyone is locked in and playing together, ideas getting tossed out and responded to and sent back faster than I'm willing to bother pausing repeatedly to accurately break down and describe.

Around the 9:00 mark, Peter locks on to an evil, syncopated figure on the keys, and the rest of the band rolls with it (around it?). Rick's playing here is sinister and great, but hell, everyone's still piling onto the Group Improv train.

A really tension-y section kicks up around 9:50, and the band stays in it much longer than usual. The lights here are great, reflecting the frenetic sound of the jam.

As the tension section continues, Cotter's playing really starts to stand out to me. He has a flow to the way that he plays the drums that really complements thorny pieces of improv like this one.

Okay, so the band hangs out in this abstract space for way longer than usual, and around 12:00 or so, Peter starts using his synth (?) to make Weird Ghost Noises (?), which is a new thing to me.

Then the sirens come back, which is excellent!

Finally, at 13:33, Rick leads a neat transition back into the key of "Thatch" (whatever it is), and we get a little bit of more-typical Goose/Rick shredding leading up to the conclusion of the song at 14:46.

By Big-Time "Thatch" standards, this one is actually a bit on the short side, and now that I've revisited it, it is actually kind of one-dimensional. But that's okay because the one dimension is THE HELL DIMENSION

Seriously, it's no 2/23/24 "Chalkdust Torture," but that kind of sustained, abstract tension jamming is something I'm always happy to hear Goose explore for more than thirty seconds at a time. It makes this version of "Thatch" unique and worth revisiting even if it's no multi-headed hydra monster jam.

Although, speaking of multi-headed hydra monster jams, the "Red Bird" -> "Tomorrow Never Knows" from later on in this very set is coming up next time...

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

how do you make money with untreated adhd chronic pain chronic fatigue and chronic illness??? What the fuck do I do??? I officially do not have a working washer/dryer as of today and I do not have it in me to hand wash everything and I don’t have the space to line dry that much anyway and when I say I cannot afford a new washer/dryer I don’t mean “I have access money but I’m in debt so it’s not even really my money” or “oh no they’re so expensive I don’t want to use most of what I have on this one thing even though I really need it” like the kind of shit people usually mean when they say they can’t afford something (which pisses me off ngl) I don’t mean I can’t justify the purchase or that it would be irresponsible or that it’s not in my budget I mean “I quite literally do not have the funds to acquire any quality of washer and dryer period. I do not have an income or access to any money.��� and honestly if I did I wouldn’t even know how to spend it because I also do not have hot water and also the people that lived where I live before me did not seal the floors so our floors are fucking soggy when it rains which is constantly and also my house is still mostly unfurnished after living here four years. so do I want furniture or hot water or dry floors or clean clothes??? How do I prioritize those kinds of things?? I mean I don’t have to bc I can’t have any of them but in theory?? Instead of making money all I can do is five minutes of dishes at a time (oh a dishwasher would be cool too) and then sit around and ice whatever hurts most and feel guilty for not being more grateful and not trying harder and not getting over my stupid ridiculous fears and going to see a fucking doctor already. ???? I can’t even ask for help bc how would anyone possibly help me other than literally just money??? My dad is the only one that would even consider it which I’m extremely grateful for but then there’s my stepmom who is In Charge and will be like “we’re here for anything you need” and then travel internationally twice a year and remodel their whole already very nice (to me) house and then go “of course we’re happy to help although we are on a budget so we’ll do what we can” and then hand me a 20 :) and I feel absolutely atrocious for not being more grateful that I have parents that will even give me $20 or that I have my parents in my life at all or that I can worry about all of these home things because I have a home, instead of being in the position of actually worrying about a place to stay. It sounds so shitty because I have so much to be grateful for I know but it’s hard to be grateful when it doesn’t feel like you have anything because if you had what you needed wouldn’t you be happier? It’s hard to feel grateful when you’re fucking miserable and every moment of your day-to-day is a huge stress trigger and there is no safe space. I’m so fucking tired mentally and emotionally.

[knittedkikwi]

So, this turned into more of a vent session than I intended. Just need to send it out to the void. Please ignore.

How is it that people send in all their requests at once? Do they coordinate?? I had my work inbox all caught up when I left on Friday. Then yesterday happened. One of my favorite things about my job is that it’s just busy enough to keep me from getting bored but still gives me time to breathe and take breaks. Which, yes, I still took a couple of breaks today because if I didn’t I’d end up staring blankly at my screen and get even less done. But that meant I ended up leaving 20 minutes late. And even then I haven’t finished everything! I did as much as I needed to do to not immediately cry when I get in tomorrow. I was prepared to stay later if it meant I could actually sleep tonight. This was supposed to be my easy week! There’s no payroll this week! I was supposed to be able to do all the employee changes yesterday, spend most of today on a report due tomorrow (which I did actually manage to finish, thank god), and then spend the rest of the week preparing for payroll next week and answering questions from employees. Instead, I got bulldozed by verification requests, which I couldn’t even get to because I had a million little fires pop up from last weeks payroll. That meant I walked in to a second round of requests this morning. Except mandatory government reports take priority, so I couldn’t get to them til this afternoon, by which time a THIRD round of requests were coming through. When I finally called them back, the guy had the gall to ask if the email they sent all of the requests to was still good and what the turn around time was. I’ve had them for a day! Sir, I think 24 hours is a pretty good fucking turn around time for someone trying to juggle payroll, employment verification, employee changes, government wage reporting, and every damn employee question about their paychecks, taxes, and pto for three decently sized companies. Forgive me for prioritizing!

Phew, rant over. For clarity, I love my job. The people are great, the workload is (usually) just right, there’s enough routine that I always know what to do but enough variety that it’s not the same thing day in day out, and they actually actively encourage me to take time off. Partially because the government requires people in my industry to take a week off every year so that someone else has to do my job and hopefully notice signs of fraud, but also because they legitimately don’t want their people burning out. I’ve been there a year and have finally really started to believe that I’m not going to be interrogated or guilt tripped if I ask for time off AND my team will actually take care of my responsibilities while I’m gone.

Like, my last boss never minded me taking time off, but she would ask me why. I think it was mostly because I was the one person she could maybe consider a friend at that place and was just interested in my life as a result. But I never truly let myself forget that she was my boss, so I always felt like she was checking to see if I really needed the time off or if she could turn me down. I always felt like I had to justify my requests. And while I was gone, she was too busy to do my job unless it was 100% necessary, which pretty much just covered new hires and payroll. She did her best, but I would inevitably come back from just two days off and be absolutely buried in emails and paperwork. Then, I would have to deal with overhearing people gossip about me not doing my job. Forgive me for wanting to spend time with my family occasionally.

At this job, my boss keeps telling me to take time off while the weather is nice and I can “go do something fun!” Every email I send asking to leave early is immediately answered with an “absolutely!” I even stopped myself from including reasons for the two afternoons I asked for next month, just to see what would happen. She just said yes. She’ll probably ask when we get closer to the dates, but the distinction is that she’s asking AFTER she’s agreed to the time off. I actually believe that she wants me to rest and will deal with what she can while I’m out. I mean, I not only left for a week, but came back to a nicely organized inbox (better organized than I had it, even), the only things that hadn’t been processed were new hires starting that day (and some term forms that the team clearly hadn’t realized were there. We get so many ahead of time that I keep them in a sub folder of the inbox so I can actually see the rest of the emails I need to answer. Yay for a job where people actually give two weeks notice instead of just disappearing) and any changes that had come through after hours. AND my team was immediately asking what they could help with because they knew I’d have a million emails in my personal inbox (it was actually 69 which is just too perfect). Hell, my boss started checking payroll reports before I even asked! Like, Christ, I haven’t had this level of support in years!

PLUS everyone in the office asked how my trip went and were exceedingly patient as I proceeded to show them a million pictures of my niece. She’s very cute and this was the first time I’d gotten to meet her, so I was a very excited auntie (also, she rolled over for the first time this week and they got it on video!! She’s not even 4 months old yet. The kid’s a genius!). Anyway, there was no shit talking, or if there was, they had the decency to do it where I can’t overhear. I have a hard time believing anyone in this office would begrudge me taking time off though. Everyone else takes off time around holidays or gives themselves the occasional long weekend. It’s really common for me to be the last person leaving on a Friday. Like, so common that the other lady who doesn’t tend to take off those days has started calling the two of us “the usual guard” for holiday weekends. I can reliably predict the days that it's gonna be just me and the other lady. People actually use their time off in this company and it's refreshing. i took an afternoon off to go kayaking and it was surprisingly guilt free.

Anyways, that kinda turned into a second rant that i didn't plan. I just think the sudden spike in demands that I do things NOW reminded me of the old job and kinda sent me into a spiral. I’m really glad to be where I am now. I’m just not used to having 200 demands on my time anymore and having to stay late just to get through half of them. I’m so ready to let go of the old job. It just rears it’s ugly head when I least expect it and I don’t know how to forget it and move on. I'm think i'm going to ask my doctor if she can recommend a therapist the next time i see her. I'd really like some help with overcoming the trauma of that job.

[walkawaytall]

Look, this post relies heavily on the idea that Anakin Skywalker shows signs of having borderline personality disorder. Do with that what you will.

When I see people romanticize the idea of Anakin Skywalker as a dad — as if the only thing standing between him and being a loving, protective father was the knowledge that his children were alive — I legitimately want to ask them if they know anyone who was raised by a father with untreated borderline personality disorder. Because, babes, lemme tell you, that obsessive love he allegedly has for Padme? In real life, that doesn’t translate to the kids. In real life, all that affection (and a lot of ire) is focused solely on their significant other (well, or whoever is deemed the “favorite person”. For us, it was a pretty classic story of my mother being the Best/Worst Person in the Universe depending on the hour and us kids being…physically present in the house, I guess).

I grew up with a father who demonstrably only cared about my mom. This isn’t the same as a dad considering his wife to be the most important person to him or his favorite person or whatever; that’s pretty normal and healthy. What I mean is that literally the only person that matters to my father is my mother and it is neither cute nor romantic.

What I’m saying is that, when I was 10 and my siblings were 8 and 3, my dad got a job in a different state and he moved to start work a few months before we did. The entire time he was gone, he’d call home to talk to my mom and never once asked to talk to any of us. My mom would have to prompt him. What I’m saying is, when my parents divorced seven years ago (all of us kids were grown), my mother made a condition of their reconciliation that he at least try to develop individual relationships with us, and that absolutely never happened. What I’m saying is, to this day, he mines my mother for information about me and my life and counts that as knowing me.

What I’m saying is, he seriously thinks that he’s only been MIA for the past six or seven years, but in reality, I’m in my mid-thirties, I lived in the same house as him for roughly twenty (20) years, and I have two (2) memories of him spending meaningful, individual time with me on purpose (and I’m being generous with the “on purpose” part — because one of them only happened because I got grounded last minute from going to the movies, so my mom took the other kids and he had to stay at home with me).

What I’m saying is, three years ago, I had to come to terms with the fact that the only way I won’t want want to scream or sob after every interaction with him is by having absolutely no expectations of him in regard to his relationship with me. This isn’t “the bar is on the ground”; this is “there is no bar”. Whatever happens is what he’s able to do in that moment, and I cannot treat this relationship like I would one with someone I can trust and expect certain behavior or care from. Every positive interaction is viewed as a pleasant surprise, not an indication of turning over a new leaf or evidence that I can trust that most of our interactions in the future will be positive. Because I can’t trust that. I’ve been given zero reason to trust that.

I’m super aware that the emotional reactions that Anakin Skywalker drags out of me are projection. I should probably talk to my therapist about it. I was floored on a rewatch of Return of the Jedi recently when I really processed how awful his final message to Leia is. (In case your memory’s fuzzy, the man’s dying words are “You were right about me. Tell your sister you were right.” Which I translate to: “Apologize? Why do that when I can instead just communicate that I always had good buried deep down without actually acknowledging the harm I’ve caused those allegedly important to me?”) And I know the only reason I had a strong reaction is because I identify with Leia as a character and that is exactly the sort of nonsense that I expect from my father. So, like, yeah, my baggage is showing. But also, uh…Anakin Skywalker would suck as a father if he didn’t sign up for Space Therapy at some point.

(Also, look, I know that people with BPD have experienced super crappy things — BPD develops as a result of trauma. And I also know that they can live totally functional lives and be good parents and that the condition is unfairly stigmatized. And I also know that claiming that any fictional character has any particular mental illness is a fraught topic at best. Buuut, I also have been the unfortunate recipient of the consequences of having an untreated/treatment-resistant father with BPD and whether Anakin is BPD-coded or not, some of his actions and attitudes are still super in line with my personal experience. You know, minus the genocide and stuff. And I’m just saying that the obsessively loving your spouse thing common with many males with BPD has a singular focus. It doesn’t translate to being a good dad.)

[malamai]

Tonight I was 100% that emotionally exhausted mother and I now have "parent-guilt" for the first time in my life.

I had a good runz it's almost 11 years of being a parent and Aura's 9th year of life I suppose. I'll give myself credit where it's due.

Aura is being really challenging at the moment for me, I feel like I am the closest to her in this house so she takes a lot of it out on me. She's 9 years old but her head is actually at an older place because her hormones are in full force and sometimes I struggle to really get her to meet me half way at the moment or get her to have some family time, she's on roblox chatting away to her friends all the time, she's a complete social butterfly and I love that about her but she seems to want to repel me away at the moment and her attitude towards me sucks. 75% of the time I can approach her and she looks at me like I'm something on the bottom of her shoe. I tried to get her to come and spend time with everyone in the livingroom tonight, I asked her and she said no because she was playing with her friends on roblox, it was fair enough, I made her tea and settled in and spent time with Elijah and Lee was on the computer, talked a lot, watched TV, retired up to our rooms at 8.30pm she comes into my room basically asking if it's okay to have a bath, I said that she wouldn't have time and asked if she could instead have a quick shower because she's got swimming tomorrow and her hair is gonna be covered in chlorine anyway, she then just took an IMMEDIATE attitude starts yelling at me about how the shower is "crap" blah blah blah... and I literally said "Aura you are going to bed in 15-20 minutes, no." She then just started going on about how it's not fair and I said it's a shower or nothing and said "fine! I'm not even gonna wash then!" And I said "cool. Go away then." And I feel guilty about that but at the same time she can't just come in barking demands at me, I'm sick of her doing that. She's driving me mad but tonight she really caught me at a bad moment because I literally was so done with my day I really couldn't even be bothered to argue with her, it was just unnecessary, It wasn't an angry "go away" it was a "I'm not letting your treat me like this right now because I'm emotionally exhausted" one, I was utterly drained.

I'd had a bad day, I was at work and I basically carried the shift, by the time I'd done 51 things on the computer and served every customer, the person next to me had done 15,(yes I literally checked the STATS) I'd been up since 6am, made everyone meals when I got home, couldn't find 2 minutes for myself at all and the moment I did she's standing there trying to bark her demands, I wasn't having it. It seems to be a common thing at the moment, she even made a mean tiktok about me the other day not letting her wear what she wants because I told her she couldn't wear worn out leggings, that she plays out in if she's going to get dirty, to a party at Christmas. She's really rebelling against me at the moment as a little pre-teen and I'm finding it so exhausting because at the end of the day she is my best pal and my daughter but the attitude towards me at the moment absolutely stinks. 😮‍💨

Anyone who thinks the baby stage is hard doesn't know how good they have it because this stage is some crazy shit.

[watchmegetobsessed]

THE SUN WILL RISE (part 1)

A/N: so maybe it was a stupid idea, but i thought i would just start the story and see where i'll head with it. don't kill me if i can't update regularly! im winging it as i go lmao

PAIRING: College!Long-hair!Harry X Reader

WORD COUNT: 4.8k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

It’s been like a tradition to gather on the first Friday of September at BlackHole and celebrate the start of another school year. As much as you can call something that happened twice a tradition.

It’s not just your usual, close circle of friends, the group grows immensely, everyone invites someone else, boyfriends and girlfriends and soon there is a group of 20 people sitting around your table. You know these people, most of them at least, you’re just not close with all of them. 

Today is the third time you take the exact same table in the bar, your two best friends you met as a freshman on your sides, Vivian and Iris are nursing their margaritas, just like you are and as you look around you feel contented and excited to be back on campus. Most students might find you weird for looking forward to the new semester, but they probably don’t hate spending their summer with their family back at home.

You do. You absolutely hate it. 

College is your escape from your family, mostly your parents, you’re happy every minute you can spend physically away from them, though that doesn’t stop them from calling you…

BlackHole is packed with students, it’s a popular place around campus and you see lots of familiar faces you’ve seen either in classes or at the cafeteria. 

“You alright?” Iris pokes your side with her elbow and you turn to face her just as she swirls her tongue around the straw.

You’re close with Vivian too, but Iris is the one who knows exactly how much you’ve struggled with your family. You don’t like to share the dirty details of your trauma to every other person, but Iris was there for you when you were at a particularly low point. She listened to you as you hyperventilated about your family drama that occured when your sister got engaged last year.

Your sister has been your nemesis since day one, but not because she’s been mean to you, or a bad sibling, it’s because your parents made you hate the idea of her. 

They planned to have only one child. One perfect fruit of their even more perfect love. That’s your sister, Alice. She’s been first in everything since the day she was born, even on the day of her birth, because she was the first baby of the year in the country, born exactly at midnight, your mom gave interviews in the evening with Alice sleeping in her arms, news channels broadcasted the little girl that was born first. Since that day Alice has lived up to every dream your parents had. Talented gymnast, dancer, top of her class, she got into Harvard law and she is now working at your parents’ law firm along with her disgustingly perfect fiancé she met at college, Gabriel.

You were not part of the plan, but four years into their life you surprised them. It was always clear to you that they didn’t expect to have a second child, nor did they want to. But they had to deal with your arrival so they changed their plans and decided to try to make you an Alice 2.0. They always expected you to be like her, to reach as high achievements as she did and they never cared that you were a different individual, not your sister. 

You weren’t good in gymnastics and you were at best an okay dancer. You would have preferred to learn music instead of taking dance classes, but they forced you to do what they wanted until you graduated from high school. You weren’t top of your class. It’s not that you’re stupid and had bad grades, you’ve always been a great student, it’s just that you weren’t the best in class and it would have been fine by you.

But not by your parents.

They never miss a chance to bring up how your sister turned out to be better in everything. Of course she outdid you in most activities, she chose all of them while you were forced into them. It’s always about Alice and they don’t particularly try to hide how they feel about your so called failures.

Growing up you just wanted to make them happy. You wanted them to look at you the way they always looked at Alice, you ached for their recognition, but you got it only a very few times. Even now, you still wish to be accepted by your family, but as yourself and not the replica of your sister. You’ve realized you’ll never be like her, nor do you want to be, but your parents haven’t really gotten to this conclusion and you’d rather swallow down your pride and try to make them happy than stand up for yourself. That’s been your tactic recently, though it’s getting harder to bite your tongue. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you smile at her, grabbing your drink from the table. 

“Happy to be back?”

“Yes,” you chuckle. “It’s great to be alone at home.”

“The privilege of having a place to yourself instead of living in a dorm,” she sighs dreamily.

“I offered you a thousand times already to take the spare room and live with me.”

“But you wouldn’t accept money for it and I don’t want to rip you off,” she replies, giving you a knowing look. 

“You wouldn’t be ripping me off, you know that–”

“That your dad pays for the place, I know. But still. It would feel wrong.”

All you can do is roll your eyes at her. You live in a two bedroom apartment very close to campus, it’s literally the only good thing you got from your parents. Your dad thought it would be degrading if his daughter would have to live in a dorm room, sharing the space with another person, that’s the only reason why you can now live in your own place. Not at all because he wanted you to be comfortable.

You’ve offered your spare room to Iris and Vivian too, but of course, you refuse to take money from them, but that doesn’t work for them, so for now, you live alone. 

The conversation flows to everyone’s summer and you listen to their stories with jealousy, because you spent your summer working for your dad. For one, you wanted to save some money of your own and for two, you thought it would earn you some good points at him. Well, you earned the money, but the good points? Not so much. But he loved to tell you how bad of a lawyer you’d be if you were to start your career now. 

“I’ll get another drink,” you tell Vivian as you stand from your seat and head over to the bar. There’s a long line, so you’ll probably be there for a while. 

Humming to the music you’re waiting patiently, slowly inching closer to the bar. When you finally reach the counter, you ask for a vodka soda from the bartender, but before she could turn away to make it for you, a voice cuts in from next to you.

“And a beer, please!”

You recognise the tattoo covered arm next to you on the bar before the voice. A shiver runs down your spine, though it might be the bad kind.

You wish you could say your relationship with Harry Styles is neutral. He is part of your circle of friends, Vivian’s boyfriend, Tanner was Harry’s roommate freshman year and though they don’t live together anymore, their friendship remained, ergo Harry still hangs out with your friends.

However, it appears that he doesn’t like you very much. The more time you spent with him in the beginning, the more you realized he is not too interested in getting to know you or at least being friends with you. The two of you just basically co-existed at the best. Sometimes you felt like Harry actually hated you with passion, but you can’t even think of anything you could have done against him and because you’re not one to confront with others you just kept your mouth shut, wondering why Harry disliked you so much.

“Hi,” you greet him, part of you hoping that maybe he changed this summer. But the way he just nods at you with an uninterested look, you have to accept that everything is the same.

He has grown his hair out these past years, his mop of curls you found cute when you first saw him is now long enough to be put into a bun. It suits him, you can’t deny that he looks good with his handsome features, long curls, funky patterned button down shirts he usually leaves open enough to showcase his tattooed chest and then there are those chunky rings he’s been wearing lately. There’s no use denying that Harry Styles looks fine.

It’s a shame he hates your gut for some reason.

“How was your summer?” you attempt to chat with him, the urge to break the silence choking you.

“Good. I went home, like everyone,” he answers without as much as looking at you as he watches the bartender make the drinks. Normally this is the part where he asks you about your summer, but he remains silent and you take the hint. He doesn’t want to hear anything about you.

Great talk, you think to yourself. 

The bartender places the two drinks in front of you and you pay for them both.

“I’ll Venmo it to you,” Harry offers, but you just shake your head no.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you say and he just nods before grabbing his drink and heading back to the group, you trail behind him feeling a tad bit humiliated and annoyed he treats you like a stranger when you’ve been in the same group of friends for two years now.

You return to the table and try to pay no more attention to Harry who is sitting on the other end of the table from you. The evening doesn’t go off the rails, you stay at BlackHole until closing time and then some head to a party, but most of you go home. As a junior you’re not that tempted to go to every party, you’re over those days already.

You’re climbing the stairs up to your apartment when you check your phone that’s been buried in your bag all evening and you see a text from your sister.

ALICE: Can you please confirm your plus one situation by the end of next week? We really need the exact number of guests. Thanks! Xx

“Fuck,” you mumble under your breath as you finally reach your front door and unlock it.

You knew this would catch up with you eventually, but you hoped you could push it out a little. Your sister’s wedding is in January, it’s gonna be a real winter wonderland and she’s been planning it for a year now. At first you didn’t think about it, but then came the question: are you attending the wedding alone or will you have a plus one?

One day you made a mistake and said that you might bring someone. Your statement raised quite a few eyebrows, since you haven’t brought anyone home before and now you’re implying that you would have a date for Alice’s wedding.

You could easily say that you won’t have a partner, but you know they are expecting you to bring someone so you can’t just back down, but how will you find a date until the end of next week?

You shoot back a short reply that you’ll have an answer by next week and then decide to go to bed before you could overthink it. Maybe the universe will sort it out for you. 

The semester kicks off as usual, you feel at home on campus and you look at the freshmen with a sense of envy. They have years ahead of them to enjoy university, while you’re always done with half of your studies. You have some classes together with Iris and Vivian, since they study political sciences so there’s some crossover with law, but you’re the only one in your group of friends who studies law, leaving you alone for a good majority of your classes. You don’t mind it, you can just hang out between classes.

The three of you are sitting in the cafeteria on Friday, Vivian is showing you some dresses she ordered when Tanner walks in with Harry by his side and they join your little trio.

“Hey boys, why the long face?” Iris asks. Tanner kisses Vivian’s cheek as he sits beside her, Harry taking the seat next to Tanner, sitting across from you. 

“You haven’t heard?” Vivian asks, talking for the boys. You both shake your head. “The plumbing and the heating system in Westfield went into shit last night, they need to renew everything, so the building can’t be used at least until november.”

“What?” Iris asks with wide eyes. “So where are you guys gonna go now?” she asks, knowing that they both live in Westfield this year.

“I’m moving in with my brother, he lives near campus, so it’s gonna be fine. But Harry’s situation is still uncertain,” Tanner sighs as he leans back and drapes an arm over the back of Vivian’s seat.

“They have to accomodate you somewhere, right? They can’t just put you out on the street,” Iris eyes them in disbelief.

“They’re planning to open up the east wing of Hillrose,” Harry speaks up for the first time. 

“That place is like a haunted house, definitely not suitable to be used again,” Vivian scrunches her nose.

“You can’t live there,” Iris says.

“It’s not like I have a choice,” Harry shrugs snorting. 

Listening to the conversation quietly a plan forms in your head before you could rationally think it through and you speak up in the heat of the moment.

“You can live in my spare room,” you offer, all heads turning towards you, but you’re only looking at Harry, whose eyebrows shot up at your words. “I-I have an extra room. You can use it until they fix Westfield.”

“Just so you know, she won’t let you pay for rent or anything,” Iris adds with a chuckle and you just roll your eyes at her.

“Is that true?” Harry asks.

“Well, it can be an option too. I’m not too keen on charging my friends,” you say, though calling Harry your friend is a far stretch.

Harry stares back at you with an unreadable look and it’s so intimidating you can feel your cheeks heating up.

“They said if we can find a place for the semester for ourselves they’ll give back the money we’d pay for the dorm room. I can offer to give that to you, I don’t want to stay there without paying anything,” he then says.

You have different plans though, but you’re not gonna tell him those in front of everyone else, so you just nod.

“It’s settled,” you say and your anxiety is already skyrocketing from just the thought that you’re gonna live with Harry, the person who doesn’t seem to stand you at all. You’re surprised he even agreed, but you guess anything is better than Hillrose.

Turns out you and Harry are headed the same way from the cafeteria, so it gives you the opportunity to present him your original idea, praying he won’t laugh into your face.

“I know we agreed that you’d pay me the amount you get back from Westfield, but I thought that we could settle it a different way,” you say as the two of you are walking towards building D.

“Uh, okay, I’m listening,” he nods, pressing his lips together into a thin line. 

“But I need you to promise this stays between us.”

“Is this gonna be something illegal?”

“No, just… promise me?” you sigh as you stop and Harry comes to a halt as well, turning around to face you. 

“Okay, I promise.”

“You can stay in my spare room if you’ll be my plus one at my sister’s wedding.”

You blurt it out so fast you’re afraid he didn’t even understand a word from it, but Harry heard you clearly. It’s just that you most likely shocked you with your offer.

“You want me to be your date? At your sister’s wedding?” he repeats and you nod.

“Yes.”

“Why do you need me to be your partner?”

“Because… I don’t have a plus one, but my family is expecting me to bring someone. I think it’s a deal we both can benefit from. Keep the money you’d pay for the dorm room, you can stay at my place and I have my partner for the wedding. This is all I’m asking for.”

Harry stares back at you for so long you start to think he’ll decline the offer or at least tell you how stupid you are, but he just stays silent before running his tongue across his lips and nodding at last.

“Alright, when’s the wedding?”

“Uh, in January. We’ll have to go Vermont on Thursday and we can be back here on Sunday. There’s a family dinner on Friday, the wedding is on Saturday.”

“Vermont?” he asks with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to pay for anything. It’s all on me, you just have to come with me.”

“Okay. I’m in.”

“Really?” you ask before you could mask your surprise.

“Yeah. I’ll be your date at the wedding if I get the spare room,” he summarizes and holds his hand out for you that you take before you could change your mind. Harry’s large, warm hand wraps around yours and even squeezes it. It’s probably the first time he is touching you intentionally, other than just brushing past you and it’s gotten your blood rushing for some reason. 

And that’s how you agreed to not just live with the guy who’s been obviously avoiding and disliking you, but also fake date him at your sister’s wedding. 

That night you call your sister to confirm your plus one for the wedding officially.

“So, what did you decide?” she asks and you can tell she is curious what you’ll tell her. 

“I’m bringing a plus one.”

“Oh!” you can tell she is surprised you’re actually bringing someone. “Is it just a casual date or your boyfriend?”

“I’m bringing my boyfriend, Harry,” you say. Why not go all out with your lie at this point?

“Boyfriend! Great!” she says and she actually sounds excited about the news. “I’ll tell mom and dad. I’m sure they will be thrilled to hear that you have a boyfriend.”

“Sure, very thrilled,” you nod, not believing it actually. They will probably just want to tear him apart and tell you he is nothing like Gabriel, because in their eyes he is the only suitable man, since Alice chose him.

Harry moves in the next morning. He brings two huge sports bags, a paper box and what surprises you the most, a guitar. He walks into your apartment as if he is looking out for danger as you show him the room you’ve been mostly using as a storage room, but you moved everything out of it. It’s furnished, because it’s meant to serve as a guest bedroom, though it doesn’t get used often. 

“Bathroom is down the hall, unfortunately I only have one. But there’s a washer and dryer in the closet next to the front door.”

“Washer and dryer, fancy,” he hums as he drops one of the sports bags onto the bed and unzips it. It didn’t sound amazed at all, more like an annoyed comment, but you have no idea what could be annoying in an in-unit washer and dryer. 

“Here are your keys,” you say, ignoring his previous comment as you hand him the set of keys. He takes them and just drops to the little desk by the window.

“Thanks.”

You have no idea what else to say or do so you just turn around and walk back to your own room, listening to him move around on the other side of the wall, unpacking his bags. You would have never imagined yourself living with a guy, what’s more, with Harry Styles, but here you are. 

It definitely won’t be like in the movies when they move in with their best friend and have endless sleepovers, cook and watch movies together. You have a feeling Harry will try to reduce interacting with you to the minimum, so you’ll basically live together with a ghost. 

He stays in his room for the better part of the noon. You’re in the kitchen, making lunch when you hear the front door open and close and without a word, he is gone. Well, he doesn’t have to check in with you when he wants to go out, but you thought at least he would throw a bye at you before walking out.

You have a lazy afternoon after that, watching Gossip Girl on the TV in the living room and later you do some reading for your civil law class to get ahead of the workload that will be thrown at you in no time. 

Harry returns a little after eight with his hands full of grocery bags. You hear him shuffle around in the kitchen, packing away his food before he pads down the hallway and closes his room’s door behind him, a clear sign that he is not willing to have some roomie talk with you. 

Trying not to take it too much to your heart, you go on with your own day as usual, finishing up the reading before you decide to take a shower and head to bed. You’ve been living alone for over a year now, so you got used to walking around the place freely. You completely forget to take a change of clothes in with you, but you obviously can’t walk out butt naked, like you usually do, so mumbling under your breath you wrap a towel around yourself, but it barely covers your intimate bits, especially under the waist, so you tell yourself to just sprint into your room.

However, as you open the door and are about to make a fast escape, you’re met with Harry standing leaning against the wall in the hallway, a towel thrown over his shoulder.

“Oh!” you breathe out, instantly tightening your hold on the towel at your chest. He doesn’t seem too bothered by your lack of clothing, but you catch his gaze running down your body before it meets your eyes.

“You done?” he simply asks.

“Y-yeah. All yours,” you clear your throat and walk past him, straight into your room and you shut the door behind you, slamming your back against it.

You hear him lock the bathroom door and then you hear water running while your heart is pounding on your heaving chest. 

Why was he waiting there like there was a line? Like someone could get ahead of him? Did he want to run into you on purpose after avoiding you all day? What is his deal?!

You realize that if you’re going to live together you’ll have to learn to coexist and that you need to have a conversation to get things clear. You wait for him to finish in the bathroom and you hear him return into his room, closing the door behind him. Taking a deep breath you mentally prepare to have a one on one with him.

Walking over to his door you stand at the door for a few seconds before building up the courage to actually knock on it. There’s no answer, so you wait and you’re just about to knock again when it flings open and you’re met with a shirtless Harry, wearing a pair of shorts only, his damp hair in a haphazard bun. The smell of his shower gel hitting you like a truck, it’s kind of spicy and very much intoxicating, especially when it’s paired with the sight of his naked torso.

“Hey, sorry to bother, but can we talk?” you ask, clearing your throat.

“About what?”

“Um, our situation. Living together.”

“Alright,” he nods and steps back, inviting you into his room. It has stayed the same more or less, but now it’s obvious someone is living here, he’s got books on the desk, some nick-nacks on the dresser and you realize that he has changed the sheets to his own, a simple, dark blue one. 

“It’s been a while since I last lived with someone, so I’m not really used to having another person around,” you admit, stopping by his desk, folding your arms over your chest. “We need some boundaries.”

“Boundaries?” he asks, his eyebrows rising in amusement as he leans against the doorway leisurely. 

“Yeah. Like, I would appreciate it if you didn’t wait by the bathroom door when I’m inside.”

“I was just waiting for my turn,” he shrugs.

“I get that, but can you do that in your room next time?”

“Did I scare you or something?”

“I was just… I wasn’t expecting you to be standing there, and I forgot to bring my clothes in, so I was in just a towel… I was way too exposed than I intended.”

“If you’re worried I was trying to see you naked, I suggest you not work yourself up about that. I’m not interested in you,” he simply replies and it hits you harder than you expected.

You never thought Harry might be interested in you in any way, but the way he just said that… as if he straight up found you ugly and so dislikable that he would never even spare you a look. 

That was kind of the push you needed.

“I’m not interested in you either,” you start, sounding a lot more confident than you were just moments ago. “But I would still like to keep my privacy. I know we made a deal, but this is still my home, so there are going to be rules.”

You didn’t plan this out, but now that you said it, there’s no returning. Harry arches an eyebrow at you staring back at you as you continue.

“We have to respect each other’s space. If you want to use the bathroom but I’m in, don’t queue at the door, this is not a dormitory, it’s just the two of us. It would be nice if you at least burped a bye out when you leave the house and does it hurt to say hi when you return?” you rage out everything you’ve been enlisting mentally all day. “Look, I’m not stupid,” you sigh, shaking your head.

“No one said you were,” Harry comments.

“I can tell you hate me for some reason. I have no idea what I did against you, I couldn’t figure it out, but I gave up to get to the bottom of it. You have the right to hate me, whatever. But we’re gonna live together, so it would be nice if we could at least coexist. If you have requests towards me, now is the time to make them, you’ve heard mine.”

It seems like you surprised Harry with your outburst and impromptu monologue. He stands there, watching you with that stupid, unreadable look again and doesn’t say a word while yor confidence vanishes and you realize what you just said. Part of you wants him to say that he doesn’t hate you, that it’s all in just your head, but you know that’s not gonna happen, there is definitely something he has against you, but you’re not expecting him to tell you.

“Okay,” he finally speaks up. “I respect your requests.”

“Do you have some of your own?” you ask quietly.

“I don’t want to chit-chat and pretend like we’re best friends. Don’t try to make friends with me.”

Like a slap across the face. He basically just confirmed that he wants nothing to actually do with you and that you’re not friends. It’s nothing new, but it still hurts that someone feels such dislike towards you when you didn’t even give them a reason to.

“Fine,” you breathe out. “If that’s everything, then…”

You walk past him and out of his room feeling humiliated and hurt, but you manage to keep yourself together until you reach your room and shut the door behind you. 

All this time you’ve been trying to be neutral towards Harry despite his obvious dislike towards you, but why would you use extra energy to keep it up when he wants nothing to do with you? No more trying to be nice or friendly and no more neutral, grey zone. If he doesn’t want to be friends with you, then you’ll just keep your distance from him, like you should have all along.

Now you’re starting to regret that you asked him to be your fake date for the wedding. There’s no way anyone will buy it that there’s anything between you and him. You’ll just make an even bigger fool of yourself. 

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[ahoysteviex]

Homie I’m asking politely for headcanons about Billy, Steve, or Jonathan dating Hopper’s son (assuming he adopted the reader like he did Eleven) 👀

The Boys with an S/O Who's Been Adopted by Hopper

contents: mild/brief nsfw under steve's, billy being an ass, fluff, reader is a senior and 18, reader is GN, minors DNI

Ko-fi

DO NOT LIKE WITHOUT REBLOGGING

Billy

you already know that Billy is doing everything he can to piss Hop off

leave the door open three inches? that bitch stays closed. no going out after a certain hour? that's when Billy's picking you up.

he's sneaking in your window, dressing you in shit Hop would never approve of, getting you to drink and/or smoke... you name it

he gets a sort of satisfaction from pissing your dad off, as evidenced by the smirk on his face whenever you protest with "Billy I can't, my dad will kill me!"

if Hopper ever confronts him, Billy plays stupid. Hop sees right through it, but with you standing right there, he can't push Billy against the wall and threaten him like he wants to. and Billy knows it. that's why he's smiling like that.

you'd be lying if you said the whole bad boy act didn't turn you on, but you still feel bad for your old man. you owe him a Billy-free movie night or two

as much as El does not like Billy, she's sometimes grateful that he takes the spotlight off of herself and Mike

whenever Billy gets Hopper all worked up, Mike seems like an angel by comparison and your dad seems to take it easy on him for the time being

Steve

Steve is a lot more respectful of Hopper and the rules he puts in place. in fact, he's almost scared to piss him off

he's definitely not perfect, though. sometimes he'll notice the clock tick past 8, but your lips on his just feel so good... ten more minutes can't hurt, right?

if you notice and say something, he'll take you home without protest, but he will pout a bit. "8 is so early. can't you get him to extend curfew just by, like, an hour?"

since Steve has already proven himself trustworthy with the kids (protecting them, babysitting, being in on the whole Upside Down business, etc.) Hopper will be open to letting you stay out with him a little later

maybe, maybe you'll even be able to spend the night at his house? but absolutely not on a school night and definitely not two nights in a row! and if your homework isn't finished when you get home, you're grounded for the rest of the year. (totally not exaggerating)

it'll take awhile to get Steve to quit making out with you in order to actually get your homework done, but he'll settle down eventually. he wants to stay in Hoppers good graces. just promise to wrap those pretty lips around his cock once you're done with chemistry?

overall, Hopper doesn't give Steve too much grief

Jonathan

Hopper is pleased when he finds out you and Jonathan are dating! he knows Joyce's boy is a good kid. how could he not be? look who he has for a mom!

Jonathan is also very respectful of Hop. He's always the one the point out the time or get nervous if you shut your door all the way

he'll take you home 20 minutes early if he notices, so you better keep his attention or hide every clock in sight

sometimes it can even get a little annoying with how much your dad likes Jonathan. your boyfriend will pick you up for a date and end up having a 20 minute conversation with your father while you wait by the car

the worst part is that he doesn't even mean to! he's not kissing Hop's ass, he's just a good guy. and your dad can tell; it's why he likes him so much!

if you ask to go out with Jonathan, Hop will sometimes ask if Jonathan wants to come over to watch a movie instead, fully intending to hang out with him himself. you'll end up third wheeling as they become best friends, so be careful

going over his house instead is always nice, though. you get to see Joyce! she's always asking how your dad is doing or if he's busy. sometimes she'll send food home for him or even send it with Jonathan whenever he comes over

Hopper is forgetful, though, and you're always the one to bring the tupperware back to Joyce