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halfmoonism · 3 months

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Writing Masterlist

mela | 21 | she/they | carrd | ao3

heya! I've put off making this for so long but I. should just get this done. I write multifandom so all fandoms will be listed w/ fics below, and all indie games will be linked. feel free to talk to me abt any of these, if I was insane enough to write abt it then I am down to talk abt it. smile

important: ficsforgaza initiative masterlist

Completed

*asterisked fics include major spoilers

*Double Blind (Mistrick, John/Chase) rating: T | category: M/M | chs: 1/1 | words: 2k (exactly! somehow) relevant tags: canon compliant, post true ending, unhealthy relationship (not a surprise for them)

The afterlife(?) with John Blanc: take two.

*young romantics (We Know The Devil, Jupiter/Neptune/Venus) rating: T | category: F/F | chs: 1/1 | words: 823 relevant tags: post true ending, comfort

Venus is still grinning that same careless little smile as Neptune sweeps to her and slides a murky finger in her hair, judgemental despite the mutual plunge, the allure of the feathers they had already fallen for. Jupiter is still in the distance, her living storm scaring away the last of god’s world, her living storm a balm on their misery, and Venus coughs out small flecks of blood, laughs at the sensation. (Three girls and a hug after the end of the world. Two girls are still kind of liars. That's okay.)

light-like (Mob Psycho 100, Emi & Mob) rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 971 relevant tags: during canon, introspection

The night he restores her manuscript, Emi takes her blue pencil and colors Kageyama in, just like that. Emi writes a story and considers her feelings more. She considers Kageyama's, too.

*I am afraid to write the stronger word (Xenoblade Chronicles 1, Seven/Meyneth)

note: Seven is the moniker used to avoid the spoiler character's name; as soon as you click the link, this will be spoiled. please be cautious!

rating: T | category: F/F | chs: 1/1 | words: 1.3k | series: 1/2 relevant tags: during canon, body dysphoria, canonical character death

Her name is Meyneth—perhaps Lady Meyneth, but no, it just doesn’t feel quite right. So Meyneth it is, and the flare of memories she leaves in her wake is enough to bring a girl to her knees. All of this freely presses itself against her spine in wonderment, but she has not been brought to her knees. She stumbles, but refuses to fall. They, her machine body, together-and-separate, refuse to fall. So then, she is… Seven, before and after.

*your dead best friend is walking up the stairs (Xenoblade Chronicles 1, Seven & Shulk)

note: Seven is the moniker used to avoid the spoiler character's name; as soon as you click the link, this will be spoiled. please be cautious!

rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 2k | series: 2/2 relevant tags: during canon, identity issues

When Seven pulls him aside, it isn't to tell him that she's dying, which is honestly what he thought she would lead with.

*we put our mouths on the least lovable (Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Kazuma/Ryuunosuke, Ryuunosuke & Everyone) rating: T | category: M/M | chs: 1/1 | words: 7.9k relevant tags: post-canon, marriage of convenience (sort of. it's stupid), found family

Almost two years after the Professor case, Ryuunosuke encounters his own greatest problem known to man: himself. Or: the adventures of Naruhodou Ryuunosuke's assumptions and the civil partnerships they may or may not pull certain best friends into.

*there are no secret lives (Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Gina/Susato) rating: G | category: F/F | chs: 1/1 | words: 2k relevant tags: alternative universe - canon divergence, hopeful ending

"Ya know, I kinda figured you'd follow 'Oddo anywhere." I would, Susato thinks. I would, if my need to grow into my own person wasn't just as strong as his. (Susato, Gina, and a goodbye that wasn't.)

these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever (Project Sekai, An/Touya) rating: G | category: Multi | chs: 1/1 | words: 1.1k relevant tags: post-light up the fire, unresolved emotional tension

The first time he says her name — really, properly allows himself to say it — she's working at the counter, even now, and her smile is off.

*that's what you call thaumaturgy (Persona 5, Akechi & Sumi) rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 1.4k relevant tags: mild psychological horror, royal bad ending, unreliable narrator

She—Sumi goes carefully frozen, like someone sculpted her face into practiced surprise. "Akechi—" "I forgot," he says, and pushes forward, ignoring the disoriented look she's shooting his fingertips, "I fucking forgot on the way here. What is your name?" She giggles, a stupid nervous trill that throws a stone right into his spine. "Shouldn't you know that already?"

note: very brief, very violent flashes of self-harm and suicide

Pyramid Scheme (Persona 5, Takamaki Ann) rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 1.9k relevant tags: during canon, (mild) alternate character interpretation, strained friendships

How did I get to this point, Ann thinks desperately, and like a film reel, hears the echoes of her own self say, Stop worrying, I'll be fine. I know exactly who I am and where I'm supposed to fit. I'm a girl; we can't afford not to know in this world. (Takamaki Ann grows up too fast.)

note: canon-typical allusions to pedophilia, implied sexual assault, referenced sexual harrassment, everything associated w/ p5's first arc

on your steps at dawn (Persona 4, Kanji/Naoto/Rise) rating: T | category: Other | chs: 1/1 | words: 964 relevant tags: during canon, pre-relationship

So she figured out pretty quickly that Kanji’s thoughts were in her head, but how do you even start that conversation? ‘Hey, I know we’ve been hanging out lately, and you let me hold your arm sometimes even though you never give me animal crackers, and once you knitted me gloves because I forgot mine back in the city, haha, also I can read your thoughts now!’ Rise can feel people's thoughts and emotions in the TV world the closer she gets to them. Kanji and Naoto-kun’s thoughts are especially loud for some reason.

Devotion Theory (Pokemon Rejuvenation, Erin/Aelita) rating: T | category: F/F | chs: 1/1 | words: 1.1k relevant tags: during canon, pre-relationship, major v13.5 spoilers

The thing about Aelita was that she’s stubborn, and relentless, and so self-absorbed it actually hurt to speak to her sometimes, and she was everything Erin could ever have wanted. And the thing about Aelita is that all those things are just a little to the left and she’s still everything Erin could ever have wanted. Erin, on starting to want things for herself and the girl who made it possible.

*and now, and now, and now (Pokemon Desolation, Tristan) rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 1k relevant tags: during canon, guilt, a tragedy in motion really

"I just want to help people," he finds himself telling Robin, and isn't it something that he can still say something so poisonous with such conviction? (You are a bad person. You are bad at being a person. He knows both to be true.)

*As You Well Know (Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Kazuma & van Zieks & Gina & Iris & Sholmes, Sholmes/van Zieks) rating: T | category: Multi | chs: 2/2 | words: 16.1k | series: 1/2 relevant tags: post-canon, introspection, found family, self-discovery

After the Professor trial, Sholmes starts incessantly visiting the prosecution's office and Kazuma watches habits form all around him. Neither of them ever really stop.

note: don't be fooled by the tags this is mainly about kazuma self-discovery while sholmes and van zieks are the most divorced duo ever in the bg

hand on my stupid heart (Fire Emblem: Awakening, Inigo & Henry & Olivia, Henry/Olivia) rating: T | category: Multi | chs: 2/2 | words: 8.1k relevant tags: during canon, canon-typical violence, developing relationship

He’d imagined a world like this several times: his mother still standing in front of him, beaming with a confused sort of gratitude as he shouted her name and flung himself into her arms, warm and alive and fond. But when he asks where Father is, she pulls back, frowning. “Father?” It dawns on him as soon as Mother’s face turns scarlet. “Wait, you said—do I—I get married?” (Inigo reappears too early. History works itself out, anyway.)

note: ch1 is inigo's pov (and therefore has all the mild humor), ch2 is olivia's (and therefore has all the romance). can be easily summed up as 'inigo stumbles around in the bg of henry and olivia getting it together'

*Somewhere, Sometime, Surely (Where Is The Red Queen?, Alice/Mad Hatter) rating: G | category: F/F | chs: 1/1 | words: 8.1k relevant tags: post-Alice ending, yearning, minor violence, undoomed yuri...

Happiness, probably we had no such fate, but we wished for it. In one world, Alice and the Hatter reach that fate.

*And West of the Moon (Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Sholmes/van Zieks) rating: T | category: M/M | chs: 1/1 | words: 6.4k (exactly!!!) | series: 2/2 relevant tags: post-canon, developing relationship, getting together

A public courtship’s private moments, told in halting steps.

The Scorpion and the Frog (Death Note: Another Note, Beyond Birthday "&" Naomi Misora) rating: T | category: Gen | chs: 1/1 | words: 4.2k relevant tags: unresolved sexual tension (allegedly. it's all one-sided), canon-typical violence, car rides

When alone together in Naomi Misora’s car, who really is the hunter and the hunted? Well, even if the answer to that question mattered, the ensuing car ride doesn't change anything. Or it changes everything, but only if you're sentimental like that. (Months after the Kira case, Mello makes an addendum to August 19th.)

note: written in the style of mello's narration in another note

Ongoing

*yours, yours, mine (Find Love or Die Trying, Kat/MC) rating: T | category: F/F | chs: 10/? | words: 2.3k so far relevant tags: canon-typical violence, yearning, jumps around from pre- to post-canon

Stolen moments from the lights, cameras and action, given new meaning after the end. [Prompt fill collection]

#writing #masterlist #mela.txt #if you notice my writing style change between works. yes #it does that whenever i switch povs. it is what is it

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magireco-minibang · 9 months

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ABOUT AND FAQ

What is a Mini Bang?

The Magia Record Mini Bang is a fandom event for writers and artists, with the goal of creating collaborative work based on and inspired by the mobile game Magia Record (and its spinoff media).

Participating authors will each write a fanfiction of at least 5,000 words. Once the authors have decided on and submitted summaries for their work, the stories will be claimed by artists and matched. As the author works on completing their work, they will collaborate with the artist. Then, each artist will create at least one piece of accompanying fanart.

Once we reach the deadline, all fic writers and artists will 'reveal' their work, resulting in a 'bang' of MagiReco fan content.

PLEASE DIRECT ANY QUESTIONS NOT ANSWERED IN THIS POST TO OUR ASK BOX.

Alternately, you can contact @abarero at any of my linked social media accounts (twitter, tumblr, or discord).

How Does it Work?

Once signups open, authors will have until early April to complete a MagiReco fanfiction of at least five thousand words. A month into the writing period, they must submit an anticipated summary of their piece, and closer to the end of the event, they must submit a draft showing that at least two thousand words have been written.

Before the summaries are submitted and artists are selected, you must keep the contents of your fics secret. This is because we want the artist/author selection process to remain anonymous. You may discuss your piece with close friends or your beta reader, but not on social media or in the official discord. Once an artist is assigned to your work, both artist and author may freely discuss their works in progress on social media, discord, etc.

A month into the event, summaries are received and posted publicly for artists to see. Artists then go through and pick the TOP THREE summaries they would like to draw art for most. We will do our best to get artists the summaries they prioritize highest, but it's very important they select three, because unfortunately giving everyone their number one pick is likely impossible.

Artists will be allowed to tell us pairings, squicks, triggers, tropes, ratings, characters, etc that they refuse to draw for, and they can also inform us if there are any participants they are not comfortable working with (we will publish a list of all participants before this date).

Once the posting period begins in early April, participants may post their works at any time throughout it. Collaborating art and fic should be posted at the same time, so you will need to work this out with your partner. You can, but are not required to embed your art in the fic. If it makes you more comfortable, you are welcome to post the art separately and link it in the fic (and the artist must link your fic in the art post). Or you can do both!

All of these will of course be reblogged to this blog!

Who is in charge here?

Mod Abarero (she/her, cis lesbian): This is my first time running a bang, but I've run several large fandom projects before. I’ve been playing MagiReco since August 2019, survived playing on both the NA and CN servers until closure and still play regularly on the JP Server. This project is part of my yearly goal to spread my MagiReco love to the fandom.

Tumblr: @abarero

Twitter: abarerokitty

Discord: Abarero

At this point in time I am moderating this by myself, as I don't anticipate it being too large for me to handle, but on the off chance it does, I will add a second mod.

FAQ:

What can I write?

Whatever you want as long as it’s Magia Record. There is no rating restriction (but you must be CLEAR about the rating when submitting your summary, and participants under eighteen cannot write or draw for mature fics). Alternate Universe is acceptable, as is crossover as long as the focus is primarily on the MagiReco cast.

Finished fics must be posted on A03. If you do not have an A03 account and need one, let me know.

Finished fics will also be added to a MagiReco mini-bang collection.

Why secrecy?

To keep things fair. Writers who are well known or prolific are more likely to get artists flocking to their summaries. This way both writers and artists get an equally fair shot.

Can anyone participate?

Yes, absolutely. Just sign up.

What happens if there are more writers than artists?

In this admittedly likely scenario, there will be a section of the artist signup form that asks if you are willing to complete art for more than one fanfiction.

If you are, please select 'yes' and let us know (tentatively, this does not have to be set in stone) how many you think you can do. It is perfectly fine if you can only do one.

There will also be a section for if you are willing to 'pinch hit' i.e. complete a piece of art if someone drops.

Can I do something that isn't art? Cosplay, gifs, graphics, or fanvids?

Yes you can! However, there will be a section on the form for writers for if they'd prefer only art, or they'd be willing to collaborate on another medium. Please do sign up though!

Can I sign up as both author and artist?

Yes. Definitely. Just fill out both forms.

CONTENT GUIDELINES:

• ALL work must have sensitive content labeled.

This includes the standard A03 labels (Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage), as well as anything else you may deem necessary. Please do not just label something 'dead dove, do not eat!’ You must explain what the dead dove is. All pairings present must also be labeled.

• As mentioned earlier, mature content is okay, but participants under eighteen cannot write or draw for it.

PROCESS:

1. Writers and artists both sign up. Writers begin drafting their fics and preparing their summaries.

2. Writers submit summaries. Artists select their top three favorite summaries, and they are assigned one (or more) fic to draw for. They are given the contact information for their writer.

3. It is required that participants join the official mini-bang discord to help communication between artists, writers and mod.

4. Once the deadline comes around, you are free to post your fics and art! If your story is a chapter fic, you do not have to post it all in one go, but it MUST be majority posted by the time the posting period has ended. (If you have a longer fic and want to space out chapters on a weekly basis starting in April, feel free to do so.) The goal is to try and have it mostly finished by the final posting date of May 1st, 2024.

CHECK-INS:

There will be two check-ins.

1. First check-in is one month in, when you submit your summary and acknowledge to us that you have contacted or been contacted by your artist.

For artists, we ask you to acknowledge to us you have contacted or been contacted by the author.

2. Second check-in is one week before the due date. At this time we will ask to see at least two thousand words of writing. It is okay if it is in 'draft' stage and not polished or beta read. For artists, we will ask to see a preliminary sketch. This CAN be rough.

SOCIAL MEDIA:

As noted, please do not discuss your bang on social media until you have been assigned an artist.

You will be asked to provide at least two forms of contact in your signup form.

PLEASE join our discord. The link will be provided to all participants on acceptance into the bang. I cannot ask for this enough, because it will make it so much easier for us to do check-ins and for you to collaborate with your partner. There will also be channels where you can brainstorm with your fellow creatives.

#!modpost

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lbfad-minibang · 1 year

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ABOUT AND FAQ

What is a Mini Bang?

The Love Between Fairy and Devil/Cang Lan Jue Mini Bang is a fandom event for writers and artists, with the goal of creating collaborative work based on and inspired by the hit 2022 Chinese Drama, Love Between Fairy and Devil. It's being done in celebration of the show's first anniversary.

PLEASE DIRECT ANY QUESTIONS NOT ANSWERED IN THIS POST TO OUR ASK BOX. Alternately, you can contact @harocat at any of my linked social media accounts (twitter, tumblr, or discord).

How Does it Work?

Once signups open, authors will have until early December to complete a LBFaD fanfiction of at least five thousand words. A month into the writing period, they must submit an anticipated summary of their piece, and closer to the end of the event, they must submit a draft showing that at least two thousand words have been written.

Once the posting period begins in early December, participants may post their works at any time throughout it. Collaborating art and fic should be posted at the same time, so you will need to work this out with your partner. You can, but are not required to embed your art in the fic. If it makes you more comfortable, you are welcome to post the art separately and link it in the fic (and the artist must link your fic in the art post). Or you can do both!

All of these will of course be reblogged to @lbfad-minibag.

Who is in charge here?

Mod Haro (she/her, cis lesbian, millennial): This is my first time running a bang, but I've run several large fandom projects before. Previous events moderated include @yuuriweek and @yuurizine, as well as endless events from before tumblr was a thing. I got into LBFaD in January. It was only my second Chinese Drama after The Untamed, but now I've become extremely addicted to them.

tumbr: @harocat

twitter: harocats

discord: harocat

At this point in time I am moderating this by myself, as I don't anticipate it being too large for me to handle, but on the off chance it does, I will add a second mod.

FAQ:

What can I write?

Whatever you want as long as its Love Between Fairy and Devil. There is no rating restriction (but you must be CLEAR about the rating when submitting your summary, and participants under eighteen cannot write or draw for mature fics). Alternate Universe is acceptable, as is crossover as long as the focus is primarily on the LBFaD cast.

Please note that while you can bring elements of novel canon into your story if they help enrich it, this is first and foremost for the drama and as such fics should be based on it.

Finished fics must be posted on AO3. If you do not have an AO3 account and need one, let me know. Finished fics will also be added to a LBFaD mini-bang collection.

Why secrecy?

To keep things fair. Writers who are well known or prolific are more likely to get artists flocking to their summaries. This way both writers and artists get an equally fair shot.

Can anyone participate?

Yes, absolutely. Just sign up.

What happens if there are more writers than artists?

In this admittedly likely scenario, there will be a section of the artist signup form that asks if you are willing to complete art for more than one fanfiction. If you are, please select 'yes' and let us know (tentatively, this does not have to be set in stone) how many you think you can do. It is perfectly fine if you can only do one.

There will also be a section for if you are willing to 'pinch hit' i.e. complete a piece of art if someone drops.

Can I do something that isn't art? Cosplay, gifs, graphics, or fanvids?

Yes you can! However, there will be a section on the form for writers for if they'd prefer only art, or they'd be willing to collaborate on another medium. Please do sign up though!

Can I sign up as both author and artist?

Yes. Definitely. Just fill out both forms.

CONTENT GUIDELINES:

Racism, sexism, transphobia, misogyny, and any other forms of bigotry are unacceptable. This does not mean your story has to be entirely free of these things (i.e. a story where a character has to deal with misogyny in the workplace would be fine), but it cannot promote it.

ALL work must have sensitive content labeled. This includes the standard A03 labels (Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage), as well as anything else you may deem necessary. Please do not just label something 'dead dove, do not eat.' You must explain what the dead dove is. All pairings present must also be labeled.

As mentioned earlier, mature content is welcome, but participants under eighteen cannot write or draw for it.

PROCESS:

Writers and artists both sign up. Writers begin drafting their fics and preparing their summaries.

Writers submit summaries. Artists select their top three favorite summaries, and they are assigned one (or more) fic to draw for. They are given the contact information for their writer. The collaboration begins.

It is required that at least ONE of you have a tumblr account, so the completed works can be posted to this blog. Both of you do not need one. You do not have to join the official discord, but it is recommended. If you do not, there must be an easy way for author and artist to communicate (i.e. tumblr DMs, twitter DMs, or via email).

Once the deadline comes around, you are free to post your fics and art! If your story is a chapter fic, you do not have to post it all in one go, but it MUST be entirely posted by the time the posting period has ended. I.E. our posting period is two weeks, so if you have a four chapter fic, all four chapters have to be posted by the time that is over.

CHECK-INS:

There will be two check-ins.

First check-in is one month in, when you submit your summary and acknowledge to us that you have contacted or been contacted by your artist. For artists, we ask you to acknowledge to us you have contacted or been contacted by the author.

Second check-in is one week before the due date. At this time we will ask to see at least two thousand words of writing. It is okay if it is in 'draft' stage and not polished or beta read. For artists, we will ask to see a preliminary sketch. This CAN be rough.

SOCIAL MEDIA:

As noted, please do not discuss your bang on social media until you have been assigned an artist.

You will be asked to provide at least two forms of contact in your signup form.

PLEASE join our discord. The link will be included in the signup post ON 8/7. I cannot ask for this enough, because it will make it so much easier for us to do check-ins and for you to collaborate with your partner. There will also be channels where you can brainstorm with your fellow creatives.

SCHEDULE:

AUGUST 7TH, 2023: Signups for both artists and authors open

AUGUST 25TH, 2023: Signups for both artists and authors close.

SEPTEMBER 26TH, 2023: Summaries are due, and artists begin selecting their summaries.

OCTOBER 4TH, 2023: All artists must have selected their top three summaries by now.

OCTOBER 6TH, 2023: Artist assignments go out.

OCTOBER 13TH, 2023: Check-in to make sure all artist and author teams have contacted each other.

DECEMBER 1ST, 2023: FINAL CHECK-IN. Artists must at least have a sketch, and authors must at least have a 2K draft.

DECEMBER 8TH, 2023: POSTING BEGINS

DECEMBER 22, 2023: POSTING ENDS

As we anticipate this event to be fairly small, we are not stringent on time zones. It just needs to be the relevant date somewhere in the world.

OH YEAH, ANYTHING ELSE?

Actually, yes. All participants in the event will be entered into a drawing for a gift bag of LBFaD official merchandise! One will be given out to an artist, and one to an author.

#!mod #lbfad minibang #faq #rules #about

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dontcallmecarrie · 2 years

Note

In Endgame it seemed like the producers wanted Tony dying to be the only way he could be at peace. Like Pepper literally tells him 'Rest now', as if sacrificing himself to destroy the enemy that's been haunting him since Avengers 1 is the only ending where he can be happy.

"Sorry meant to add this to my ask (about Tony's death in Endgame being portrayed as his only possible happy ending): The whole thing makes me want to cry. And scream. Your opinion on what was being portrayed there?"

Friend, I...think you're more invested in this than I am, at this point. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have ranted at length about my feelings on everything related to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. [Note: those are only some of the highlights. There's plenty more— I'm not even including the whole "in an interview, the writers flat-out said they didn't like the characters" thing, even.]

Beyond that, the main thing you should know about me is the fact that I have very, very limited time and energy, and prefer to focus on things I enjoy over dwelling on things I know I'll hate. Because I've seen this road before, and it never ends well, and life's got enough bs without me piling on even more.

Am I going to be forever bitter about what went down? Yes. Am I never going to let go of the fact that the writers prioritized ticket sales over the age-old art of telling a good story and threw years' worth of effort down the drain in the process? Also yes. But I refuse to let it get to me.

The MCU lived in my head rent-free for a good chunk of my childhood and teenage years, and— yeah, I mourn for the potential it once had, but if I cling to the anger I feel about how the writers butchered everyone's character arcs and consistency for *drama*, I will never know rest.

If I let myself, I know I'm capable of being incandescent with rage over how they fridged the only woman in the original Avengers' Initiative, of the way they somehow managed to make Steve "I don't like bullies, also FUCK Nazis" Rogers into someone completely unrecognizable in the span of three movies, and—

I'm tired.

Look: you probably found this blog because of my most famous fic, The War is Far From Over Now. I started writing it because I needed at least one (1) world where Tony Stark got a happy ending for all the bs the MCU kept throwing at him [and only him], and if that meant making it myself, then so be it.

When I first started, I wasn't old enough to legally drink. Originally, it was supposed to be something short and sweet, something funny— but spite made it longer, and the readers' reception meant more inspiration to go into even more detail, and then it turned into a stress relief valve for all the shit that kept going down in my life.

[I try to keep personal life bs separate from my writing, but.

Shit went down.]

So, long story short: TWiFFON started out a fun thought exercise, but ended up becoming my love letter to what the MCU used to be— and later, a eulogy for the same.

Because over a decade of being invested in the world that turned my casual interest in the comics into something more concrete, only to watch as the audience was robbed of just about every sort of resolution there possibly could have been.

This isn't my first disappointment of this type, sure: Harry Potter was the book series I learned to read English with and I'd once thought the epilogue was as bad as things could get in that regard [...boy was I wrong], and Naruto and Bleach both managed to be incredibly ??? in their finales, but.

Of all of the things that made up so much of my childhood, my favorite character was Tony Stark.

The man who tried so, very hard to do his best, and kept getting beaten down for it time and time again. Who, by all rights, should have been the villain— either as the rich white guy who apparently can do nothing right [see: Iron Man 1 onwards], or simply because it makes no sense for him to be on the same side as the heroes who lied to his face and stabbed him in the neck or back time and time again [see: Iron Man 2 onwards, special mention for Avengers: Age of Ultron and Captain America: Civil War].

Who was both the Da Vinci and Cassandra of his generation, because for all his accomplishments, nobody ever took him seriously— and never even got an "I told you so", after shit hit the fan and everyone immediately turned to him for answers [see: Iron Man 3, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Infinity War, Endgame and need I go on?]

...I could go on for hours. But I won't.

If the writers won't give it this much thought, I won't either, not anymore.

Same way I refuse to watch another Marvel movie or tv show. I'd only barely been sticking around and gritting my teeth at the writing before Endgame, but that's the movie that made me ragequit the MCU entirely.

I've moved on, trying my hand at other fandoms and hobbies to occupy my brain when I'm not working or studying. At most, I have been poking at old cartoons and comics when I feel up to retreading old ground, but...right now, the main thing I feel when I think about the movies is disappointment.

#thinking aloud #I got an ask!#Naught replies #replies #Naught rants #sorry for the rant

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sakurology · 4 years

Text

Summer School

Kōshi Sugawara x Milf!Reader

Warnings: lmaooo bitch this shit hurted I can’t even get into it just know that I don’t wish to be perceived and will not be taking questions at this time. This is also not based on a dream I had and I am completely okay and sane

WC: 2.2k

A/N: Part of the lovely Miki Mouse Whorehouse collab- @undermattsun I love you I’m sorry my appendix got in the way of having this in on time. If you haven’t read the rest of the best mf porn trope collab in the universe, check out the mlist here for more hot milfs in your area that can read to you. 💕 and also ty kwis @honey-makki for the banner because y’all almost didn’t get one... she’s the real hero of the story.

The silence in the room was deafening as you sat in front of his desk. The air was thick with tension, and your palms, though sweaty, felt ice cold. He was always jovial, except for in moments like these, moments where he commanded attention. Moments in which he was serious, an ever looming presence over all his students- over the entire school.

“I assume you know why we’re meeting, right?” he said, taking a seat at his own desk, piled high with papers and discarded paper coffee cups- you could also just barely make out... an ashtray? Maybe that was only for after hours- hours like these in which he probably stayed on the school grounds half the night grading term papers and exams- as he’s not one to bring work home with him. You remembered him mentioning that from the orientation. You remembered the gentle, kind, Sugawara-Sensei with a warm smile and soothing voice; but the man in front of you was sinister.

“Final grades?” You swallowed a lump of fear and anxiety.

“They’re not good,” he scoffed, rifling through papers on his desk to pull out one riddled with red marks.

“Something like this definitely means summer school....”

He wasn’t letting up at his icy demeanor.

“That’s- it’s not an option,” you sputtered.

“I agree,” he said. “I’ve heard about your summer plans, I wouldn’t hate for you to miss out, they really seem like fun…”

Your blood was boiling over at the condescension, but it felt ice cold as it ran through your veins thinking of what you stood to lose if you protested him.

“I’ll tell you what,” Sugawara began, rising from his desk chair and crossing over to the classroom blackboard. He started erasing the day’s earlier lessons, leaving murky white streaks across the board.

“I’ll give you a chance to raise the grade, extra credit of sorts- how does that sound?”

By now he had picked up a slender wooden pointer with a white plastic tip. You had already put forth so much effort into Summer vacation, there was no way summer school was written into the occasion. But you felt yourself suffocated by the offer, a nervous twisting starting to build up in your gut as he stared at you, twisting the pointer in his chalk dust coated hands. You begrudgingly nodded.

“Great- it’s an offer you won’t be able to refuse, I know you…”

You knew exactly what he meant.

He bought the pointer to your chin, gently lifting before tracing it down your neck and décolletage, emphasizing the curvature of your breasts as he rounded the chair to be behind you.

“Let’s start with getting this off, yeah?” His hands massaged at your shoulders, gently pulling the woolen cardigan off your body, gently exposing you to the cool air of his classroom. You shuddered in response to the drastic change of temperature. Your exposed shoulders revealed the straps to your camisole and bra, Suga snapped the straps of both against your skin, a wince forming on your face from the soft slapping pain.

“Such pretty skin,” he remarked lowering his head to your neck, lips barely grazing the surface before peppered light kisses along it.

“You smell so nice too- all of this just to meet me, huh?”

You fixed your mouth to say no, but couldn’t get anything out against his advances. instead a small moan rose through the air as his kisses turned to kitten licks and a soft sucking right beneath your ear.

Sugawara’s hands were warm and soft as they lost themselves underneath the fabric of your shirt and bra, leaving a rash of goosebumps in his wake that rose almost as quickly as the heat to your face and neck. He slowly took your nipples between his fingertips, twisting gently as you threw your head into his chest.

“That’s it, it feels good, doesn’t it?” You hummed in response.

You felt him press his body into your back, the presence of his half hardened cock becoming painfully apparent as it slid against you. Suga crossed back in front of you, hands positioned at the buckle of the belt that held his pants at his waist. He didn’t bother to undo the clasps of his suspenders, slipping them down his shoulders instead. Still exposed, your chest rose and fell at the sight of him. Your eyes were locked at his waist, his own eyes growing familiar with your gaze as he slid the khakis down his waist, stopping just above the knee and leaving his hard-on fully visible.

You can’t recall when or how the straps of your shirt and bra fell from your body, but your top half was completely exposed to him as he pushed the head of his cock between your breasts, the soft pink head sporting a prominent freckle akin to the beauty mark under his eye. His cock moved against your skin, gaining soft friction as you held your tits together around it. You couldn’t resist sticking out your tongue to lap tiny kitten licks as he thrust- a soft yet lewd chortle from your own lips offered a little more lubrication, the slick sounds of his dick against your skin now rising in the sticky air. The spit glistened against the supple skin of your breasts as your hands held them together, fingertips hovering just above your pert nipples as you continued to envelop his dick with them. You started to help him, moving the mounds of flesh against him in a matching rhythm.

“Fuck yeah, just like that,” Sugawara hissed, speeding himself up. You could see the emergence of precum at the tip, tongue involuntary darting out to lick the salty fluid. His cock grew wetter, veins more prominent with each thrust against you. Your legs were presaging together in your seat, the thin panties you were wearing had started to become uncomfortably wet at this point, as you were so turned on at how turned on he was. In the back of your mind though, the heat on your skin translated to embarrassment, sickened by yourself for stooping to this level, disgusted by your need for perfection- how could you ever live with this?

No time to think about that now, though, not when he was looking down over you like this, cheeks pale pink, and strands of silver still king to his perspiring forehead. The feeling of his dick twitching against your tits weighed heavier than your pride at the moment, and you’d rather swallow several of his loads than grin and bear the stares of all those other bullshit PTA moms looking down on you- looking down on your kid. It was time to work for your bribe- just like the one you’d worked with Sugawara at the beginning of the year to get your son into his class.

Without warning, your son’s teacher thrust farther forward, pushing his dick past your lips- the signifier he was done using your tits to get off, and needed something more. You let go, moving your hand to the base of him, twisting your wrist upward as you opened your mouth wider and granted him full access.

“Very good- open up-ngh-, pretty thing,” He cooed through gritted teeth. “Want you to take this cock down your throat.”

His hands grasped the nape of your neck, pushing your head down further on his length. You gagged the first two or three passes- after all, it had been awhile since you had been adjusted to his size, or any man in general- being a single-mother does that to a person sometimes. But it took a few softer thrusts for your throat to ease up, and he was happy to oblige. He found you cute like this, so pliant with a mouth stuffed full of him. ‘Such a good mom,’ he thought, looking down to marvel at your face, nose buried in his pubes.

There was nothing more appealing to him than the idea of replacing your tight, wet throat with your even tighter pussy- than feeling the tip of his cock right at your cervix- the sensation of him filling you to the brim with his cum, and eventually seeing you swollen and round with his own child after a few months of making sure it stuck. Amazing thoughts- at least to him. But for now, he could wait; his mind telling him he’ll have all summer to wear you down since he has every intention of keeping you at his beck and call for the break, the looming thought of how much you owe him hanging over your head like the most perfect apple on a branch just out of reach.

Looking up at him from your seat like this fit that same illusion for you too. You shouldn’t feel this overpowering desire over the stiffness of your jaw and the burning of your throat- you shouldn’t enjoy the weight of his dick on your tongue, much less crave the feeling of him splitting you open. Yes these are all things you shouldn’t feel- but if it’s so wrong, why does it feel so right?

You popped your lips off of him for a second, gasping for air as strings of your saliva separated you from him. Your hand twisted at the base of his cock, pumping him with a tight grip. You could feel Sugawara shuddering under your touch, eyes meeting his to watch him stifle a moan by pulling his bottom lip through his teeth. He bought a soft hand to your cheek, stroking it lightly with the pad of his thumb before taking both hands to press your head back onto him- pushing as far down as he could fit- a harsh gag filling the room as his cock lodged itself in your throat.

His face was stained scarlet, nose scrunching and eyes creasing as he felt himself starting to slip, succumbing to his impending orgasm.

“Such a good-hhngh- such a good fucking mommy,” he said thrift gritted teeth, sending several hot ropes of cum sliding down your raw, and most likely bruised throat. You could barely hear the rest of his obscenities as he hit his high- your blood was already in your ears the moment you heard him say the word “mommy.” You couldn’t help but swallow every last drop, thinking of how much better it would’ve been if he did cum in your now drenched pussy. It was an invitation waiting for him, but your womb simply had to wait- a dull ache forming where you felt he should be.

You had several seconds to come back into reality, the fluorescence of classroom lights bringing you back to your surroundings of tinfoil planet dioramas and baking soda volcanoes among the rows of desks in front of you. You tried taking stock of how you got here in the first place, but your brain was liquefied in lust. Sugawara took a few moments to fix himself up, slicking his sweaty hair back as he readjusted his suspenders and rifled through the pockets of his pants. Pulling out a silver engraved cigarette case, pulling two out and placing one between his teeth. Handing you one, he pulled out his matching lighter, flicking it open to spark you up first. Almost as if nothing happened, he was the same, jovial, sweet Sensei that your 4th-grade son adored- the same kind, gentleman you entrusted your child to at orientation.

“Don’t tell the PTA,” he joked, a soft smile spreading across his still pink cheeks as he finished his drag, sitting back down in his chair.

“I won’t if you won’t,” you responded, rather breathlessly for having not done much work yourself.

You sat in silence for a beat or two, marveling at how he was able to turn himself on and off like this, at how he was able to continue on in the thick, sex stained air while filling out a gradebook.

“The final grade will remark as a pass,” he commented.

“I can’t give honor’s marks or it’ll look suspicious, so I’ll put in a couple extra credit points and just write it off as a book report or something.”

“Th-thank you, Sensei,” you uttered weakly, remembering just who Sugawara was- after all, he is your son’s teacher. As you stood, you picked up your purse and smoothed your skirt to leave. You slowly pulled the cardigan back over your sleeves, shuddering yet again at soft contact against your sensitive nerve endings, goosebumps still painting your body.

“You can call me Kōshi if you’d like- I’m not your teacher after all.”

“Thank you… Kōshi,” you corrected yourself.

He continued to work, not taking his eyes off the pile of papers in front of him, one by one, marking them up and down with red pen.

The click of your high heels sliced through the palpable silence as you began to leave the classroom. The voice inside of you screamed to hold your head high, not to look back, not to address him, not to crave him but that same voice fell down inside you, mind quelling its fear with a ‘you just have to tell him goodnight, it’s the polite thing to do.’

“Goodnight, Kōshi,” you called, twisting the knob of the door, pushing it halfway open before he stopped you.

“Oh, Y/N- please don’t forget to tell S/N to enjoy his summer vacation… you enjoy yours too.”

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #Sugawara x reader #suga smut #whorehouse collab #raw dog 1080p #haikyuu writing #hq writing #hq smut #hq x reader

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earnestly-endlessly · 3 years

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Hi! I'm wondering if you can make a list of fics where Erik's jewish heritage isn't ignored? I just came across the fact that a lot of authors don't explore this part of him for some reason and i found it kinda upsetting so i'm wondering if you have any recs! I liked "As They Kiss, Consume" and "Who Shall be King Hereafter" by sherwoodfox, in case anyone who's reading this ask is interested in the same topic.

Hi Anon. I'm sorry for taking so long with this list but your request sent me on a wide search for fics that fit with your request. I tried to find a variety of fics where Erik's Jewish heritage is addressed. Some of them aren't necessarily cherik, but most of them are. I hope you enjoy this list.

Mistletoe, Latkes, and Long-Term Revenge Strategies – pocky_slash

Summary: Charles knows that Erik hates working at a department store in the best of times. Being Jewish in a department store during the holiday season is far from the best of times. He does what he can to help.

A Nice Boy (the Family Matters Edition) – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik's not sure whether the problem is that he doesn't want his parents to meet Charles or that he doesn't want Charles to meet his parents. Either way, he never invites Charles to brunch. Why should he? It's not like they're dating.

A Road Trip to Pennsylvania – Aainiouu

Summary: For a year Charles has nurtured the biggest and most embarrassing crush known to man towards Erik. They are friends and roommates and when Erik asks Charles to accompany him to home on Thanksgiving of course Charles goes.

In the Bleak Midwinter – keire_ke

Summary: It is not easy to find out, well into the second decade of the twenty-first century, that your mother arranged a marriage for you. It is even less easy to convince her that you have no interest in the very fertile Magda, she of the wide hips and lustrous auburn hair. Fortunately, with a good friend at his side over the holiday weekend, Erik is sure he will prevail.

Speech Making – phalangine

Summary: Modern Emma AU- Charles Xavier, accomplished matchmaker and headmaster of North America’s preeminent school for mutants, intends to add another notch to his belt: setting up his friend Moira. His oldest friend, Erik, has doubts about this plan.

Charles doesn’t share them.

This is life (and everything’s all right) – pocky_slash

Summary: Edie Lehnsherr came into Charles' life long before he ever heard Erik Lehnsherr's name, and her death left a gaping hole in the lives of everyone in Charles' family. As the first Purim without her approaches, he begins to get creative in his efforts to bring everyone out of their grief. Kitchen creativity, however, is not quite his strength....

Bashert – AvengingAngel

Summary: Erik and Charles meet and fall in love. I wanted to write a story where Erik had a huge family. Pretty fluffy (for me anyways). I suck at summaries.

Note: The summary doesn’t reveal much but if you’re looking for a fic where Erik is jewish and has a large family with a heavy dose of cherik fluff and angst then this one is for you.

Math Reasons – pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: "Mom says Erik always knows what he wants, it just sometimes takes him a little while to actually realize it," Ruth said.

Charles fell in love with Erik the first night they met, the first week of freshman year. Two years of friendship, adventures, arguments, hijinks, secrets, and summer visits later, Erik is starting to catch up.

Ser

It’s kind of our whole things – pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: After two years of best friendship, Charles and Erik thought they knew everything there was to know about each other. They're surprised, then, when their first summer as a couple reveals that they have a lot to learn about each other and themselves.

Sequel to Math Reasons

A Winter in New York – nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles and Erik have been childhood friends for as long as they can remember – Erik, living with his mother in Queens, and Charles in the big mansion in Westchester. For all, expect themselves, it was just natural progression that they'd end up together.

A series of ficlets from the same universe – can be read as separate and are out of chronological order.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside – heyjupiter

Summary: "It's just, this is my first Chanukah away from my parents. And it's--it's like 90 degrees out."

Erik Lehnsherr and Kitty Pryde celebrate a Genoshan Chanukah. It's a little different from the way it used to be in New York, but some unexpected visitors help them embrace the spirit of the holiday season.

Hold Back the Rain (front!strict mashup) – euphorbic

Summary: Charles Xavier: society darling, powerful political activist, well-known professor, and Dominant.

Erik Lehnsherr: anti-social, international motorcycle racer, and defiant submissive.

Erik is at Sepang in Malaysia for the fourteenth leg of the International World Championship. After doing poorly in qualifying, he's furious to find he has to take another VIP around the track instead of meeting Charles at the KL airport.

The Swan – waitfornight

Summary: In 1939 Erik and his sister Ruth are sent to Devonshire, England, during the Kindertransport refugee program to live with Kurt and Sharon Marko as foster children just before the start of World War II. Angry and wishing he could return home on the night of his seventeenth birthday, Erik meets a boy alone in the forest who is cursed to transform each day into a swan, only taking his true form by night.

Swan Lake AU.

The boy with the heart on his sleeve – euphorbic

Summary: Charles loses a high-stakes bet to Raven and is required to get a tattoo. However, when he makes a disparaging remark about the art form, Raven's acerbic mentor, Erik, steps in.

Or, the one where Erik and Raven are tattoo artists.

The Wurst Case Scenario – sareyen

Summary:If anyone asked why Charles, come rain, wind or shine, made the significant trek during his dismal lunch hour to dine at "Edie's Kosher Delicatessen", he would stubbornly say that it was because their pastrami on rye and potato knishes were absolutely to die for. He wasn't completely lying, because the deli's namesake, Edie Lehnsherr, made the best matzah ball soup Charles has ever had in his life. Still, Charles would rather shave his full head of hair off than admit that the real reason he would willingly walk through hail and fire to get to the corner deli was because of Erik, the insanely attractive man working the counter.

Sure, Erik has barely spoken two words to Charles other than "Hello, what can I get you?" or, after the third day in a row that Charles came to the deli, "Welcome back, what can I get you?", but Charles was more than happy to just ogle at the man from afar while devouring the juicy wurst Erik had put together with his (large and very capable) hands.

But, little does Charles know, Erik doesn't usually work the front counter. He only does it when he knows the cute blue-eyed man will be dining in.

This is life (and everything’s all right) – pocky_slash

c'est regarder ensemble dans la même direction – melonbutterfly

Summary: Since that day on the beach, Charles and Erik have learned to agree to disagree for the sake of living and working together. Then, for Christmas, and Charles gives Erik Hanukkah back a second time, and their relationship shifts a little further.

Terrible Hanukkah Sweaters and Other Life Challenges – professor

Summary: “Why am I here again?” Erik groans.

“I need you to lift things and glower at people over my shoulder when I tell people that it’s not ‘politically correct’ or a ‘war on Christmas’ to have a non-denominational winter holiday festival,” says Theresa Pryde.

Well, at least those are two things he’s good at.

Shrapnel – librata

Summary: It's late 1940, and tensions between the Axis and the Allies are tightening. Displaced and alone, 16-year-old German Jew Erik Lehnsherr finds himself employed as a servant by some snobby, terrible family in England whose house is far too big and whose money never seems to end. The worst part is, he isn't just mucking stables or cleaning plates–-he's tasked with tending to the whiny, disabled son named Charles, who might just drive Erik into absolute madness.

Or, the World War II fic in which Erik and Charles experience a changing world and a lot of teen angst.

Defying Expectations – Baamon5evr

Summary: Charles and Erik meet each other’s family. Neither of them gets what they expect.

table for three – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik should have known to call ahead to the Chinese restaurant--it's Christmas Eve and he lives in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, after all. But before he can go home to mourn the loss of another one of his mother's yearly traditions, he's accosted by a teenage girl with a strange proposition--that he should stay and have dinner with her and her mother, instead.

different from all other nights – metonymy

Summary: "This year we are slaves; next year we will be free." Kitty and Erik host a seder for Passover at the Xavier School.

Libertad – ariadnes_string

Summary: Erik knew the look, had seen it his whole life, even before the war. ”You, with your height and blue eyes and straight nose, you can pass. You can be free of us. You are not marked with your difference.” If you only knew, he’d thought then. He thought the same thing now. And it was that thought, as much as anything, that made him move towards the gate.

Wash Away – sebastian2017

Summary: One quiet, lonely morning, before Yom Kippur, Erik makes his way to the sea in search of forgiveness.

After? There is No ‘After’ – Unrepentant_Marvelist

Summary: Erik knows what he is for. He has known his responsibilities as a survivor since the moment he woke under a scratchy, lice-infested blanket in the Red Army hospital. His world is painted in lucid blacks and whites (so often splashed in red) and there is no room for uncertainty or indecision... until a certain sunburned Englishman throws himself into his world.

The Children of an Idle Brain – Margo_Kim

Summary: Sometimes, when he’s lucky, Schmidt can’t hurt him. It’s like there’s a room inside of Erik’s head that’s he’s usually locked out of, that won’t open no matter if he beats himself bloody against it. On those days, he endures. But sometimes—and Erik doesn’t know why, whether it’s that the stars align or some higher power takes pity or Erik screams loud enough to earn his reward—the door opens. Erik can duck inside and slam it behind him and watches himself through the windows as Schmidt slowly, methodically tortures him to strength.

These days, this past week, there’s a boy in the room with him and he tells Erik, “That’s horrible,” like that means something.

Somehow, across the world, Erik's and Charles' minds touch when they need each other most. They can't be sure that the other boy is real. They suspect that he is not. But that doesn't mean they aren't each other's lifeline until they lose each other and then for a while longer.

Tehillim – kvikindi

Summary: Erik, in Israel, afterwards: another life he could have had. If.

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) – childishinquiry

Summary: Erik has worn long sleeves his whole life, even before they had to wear yellow stars. Marching along his arm, in neat, black, English letters, are the words "My name's Charles Xavier."

Precious Few Years – sherwoodfox

Summary: Erik and Charles (known only to each other by the letters inscribed on their wrists) are meant to be together, soulmates, destined for the most powerful kind of love and connection a human being can experience.

But they are separated in almost every possible way- by distance, by circumstance, by language, by war. Their chances of success- of finding one another in the labyrinth of the world- are very slim. There is a reason why most people never find their soulmates.

But of course, Charles and Erik aren't ordinary children-

They have their gifts.

#cherik #cherik fic recs #fic recs #Erik is Jewish #holocaust #asks #earnestly answers

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timelyowl0 · 3 years

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Brittana/Faberry Fic Recs

Hi! Here’s a list I compiled of some of my all time favorite Brittana and Faberry fics! I was originally going to separate the list by Faberry and Brittana, but many of the stories have both, so instead you can just read the pairings listed for each. They are sorted by multi-chapter complete, multi-chapter incomplete/in progress, and one-shots. Each title is a link you can click on to take you to the fic. All credit goes to their respective authors :)

Also, here’s a quick rating guide in case you needed to know:

GA/PG - General Audience

T - Teen

M - Mature

E - Explicit

NR - Not rated

That’s all, I hope you enjoy!

Multi-chapter (complete):

Between The Lines (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Rachel invites Brittany and Santana to a sleepover. Brittany/Santana with a healthy side of Rachel/Quinn

The Only True Paradises (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The tortuous evolution of Santana's feelings toward Brittany. See also "Pas de Deux," a companion piece from Brittany's point of view.

Pas de Deux (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Companion piece to "The Only True Paradises." The evolution of Santana and Brittany's relationship from Brittany's perspective.

Faithfully (T) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "That moment when Santana had sworn, even though she and Brittany were standing at opposite ends of the raised platform…that she could still feel Brittany's energy zinging toward her, like they were connected on the same current." Brittana, Seasons 1 through 5, as told in five increments.

My Girlfriend's Sister's Keeper (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany isn't the only Pierce that has Santana wrapped around her finger. Santana's life with her two favorite people.

Mariposa (M) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Like a butterfly, Santana's journey out of the closet occurs in stages. From the first time she heard the word gay to the first time she flew free from her chrysalis, she can remember everything.

time passes, in love and in seasons (T) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittana, from the end of junior year and throughout senior year, told through the seasons. Mostly follows Season 3 canon.

Brittana Shorts (GA) - 8 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A collection of Brittana-centric short stories

it’s nice to have a friend (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - They're six when they first meet. It's the first day of school in a crowded classroom and Santana finds herself drawn to the new blonde girl. OR The story of how Brittany and Santana meet and all the significant moments in their lives following the first time they see one another. - sequel

A Matter of Miserable Time (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "His voice was deep, quiet, and sure, so calm compared to the last words they had exchanged. Her voice was only a faint whisper as she questioned the man she hadn't spoken to in three years.'Papi.'"

Influence (M) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is perpetually cast as the dumb blonde, but the reasons behind her demeanor are more complex than that. She looks back on her childhood, her relationship with Santana, and the life-altering effects the decisions of her youth had on her future.

It’s Not Like I Wanted This to Happen (T)- 101 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Quinn takes a very drunk Rachel home from a party...encounters the Berrys…and herself. This story contains a huge amount of Brittana and a lot of Puck.

Rough Beginnings (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn decides she needs to end this obsession once and for all, but life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. Sometimes it's so much better. Faberry.

Never Asked to Feel Your Halo (T) - 45 Chapters (1/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - The thing was, neither of them wanted this-whatever it was, but since when did the Universe care about what Rachel or Quinn wanted? Their cards had been dealt the moment they'd entered that shower together. Now it came down to how well they played them.

Standing on the Edge Dancing in the Flames (M) - 34 Chapters (2/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Life isn't all singing and dancing, not even in Glee club. And what if being on top of the pyramid just gives you further to fall. When everyone feels like a frienemy and fathers and faculty and babies and boyfriends complicate EVERYTHING, how are you ever supposed to get anything right? (Book Two of the 'No Halo' series)

The South Side of Anywhere (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Sometimes you fall in love with your eyes closed, and when you open them, the person is someone you never thought it could be. It started with letters, and turned into Faberry.

Somewhere in Between (M) - 77 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Imagine if Faberry happened instead of Finchel. This is a re-telling of every episode as if Faberry were cannon. Each chapter will chronicle each episode starting at the very beginning. Some things will change and some will remain the same. Longer description in first chapter. Also side Brittana. As well as Quinntana friendship, and Puckleberry bromance.

Didn’t See it Coming (M) - 63 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - AU HS. After a devastating breakup, Quinn turns to Rachel in need of a friend, and ends up with so much more. - "If, one day, someone asks me how it all started; I'll have to say it was a granola bar that finally did me in." Faberry.

Bet You Didn’t Know That (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Faberry. What she doesn't know, she doesn't need to find out.

Take Me As I Am Seasons 1 & 2 (T) - 48 chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The incredibly true adventures of Quinn and Rachel, starting from Sectionals Season 1. It's just like watching the show, if Faberry were the central couple and everything revolved around them! Brittana & Klaine co-star in supporting roles.

Take Me As I Am Season 3 (T) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The continued adventures of Quinn & Rachel as the starring couple of Glee. Some integration of canon events, but mostly this is the story of Faberry and their world! Klaine & Brittana co-star in supporting roles

Blink and You’ll Miss It (M) - 31 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry discover they like each other. Against all odds, will they be able to get together before they tear each other apart?

You’re All I Need (M) - 17 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - A Faberry romance story, set when they are both single but I haven't specified when as I'm not even sure myself but most of the events are from series 3. Points of view will change every few chapters. And that's probably the worst description you've ever read but yeah I can't be bothered to change it.

quarantining or how quinn might lose it, once for all. (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It starts like the worst horror movie ever but instead of being trapped in the basement of a creepy 50-something year old, Quinn finds herself being trapped in Rachel Berry's basement.

Once More From the Top (T) - 22 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and others - Here's what you missed on Glee: McKinley's Glee Club reformed under the direction of Will Schuester. Rachel tried to recruit the Cheerios but that ended up being a total disaster. It's cool though because she heard Finn Hudson sing in the shower and he's actually really good. She successfully recruits him and now the Glee Club has enough members to be a real thing.And that's what you missed, on Glee!

Outside Hearts (M) - 37 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel Berry's world is about to be turned upside down when one of Hollywood's most sought-after young actresses, Quinn Fabray, abruptly and mysteriously leaves her fame behind, moves to Ohio and tries to have a normal life while attending McKinley High. (Faberry w/ some Brittana)

I See That Ragged Soul Take Flight (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Mike/Tina, Kurt/Blaine and Sam/Mercedes - Ensemble cast piece exploring what happens after Season 3. Rachel, Santana and Kurt are in New York together. Quinn is at Yale. Explores adulthood, friendship and long-distance relationships. Eventual Faberry. Also contains, Brittana, Klaine, Tike and Samcedes content, plotlines back at McKinley, and frequent use of Santana POV.

All The Best (T, but I would rate M for descriptive scenes of suicide, eating disorders, rape, etc.) - 80 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - After spending the entire summer away, Quinn is eager to get back to normal and make the best of her junior year. Excited to put everything behind her and start fresh, she struggles to establish a new normal. But when she's least expecting it, Quinn finds support in the most unlikely places and is forced to confront the very feelings that landed her where she is in the first place.

take these broken wings (M) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Sam - Begins in Season one and follows Quinn through her life should she have chosen to keep Beth, realize she is gay, and fall in love with Rachel Berry. The main romantic relationship will be Faberry, with a bit of Hevans and Brittana, but apart from Faberry it will be very heavy on friendship and Quinn&Beth oriented.

the state of dreaming (T) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel couldn’t help the guilt that bubbled in her chest when she watched Quinn get a prom photo alone. Determined to make it up to her, she invites Quinn over for a sleepover. It becomes a routine. Set immediately after 2x20 (Prom Queen).

Enough to Believe (T) - 2 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Years after Shelby ups and disappears from Lima with Beth, a blonde girl shows up on Rachel and Quinn's doorstep, armed with a lot of questions, and very familiar cheekbones.

you and her loathing this cruel world (M) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Quinn/Rachel, minor Kurt/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - "Of all the girls he had to have sex with (which really, were none), of course it was someone with a painting of Jesus above her bed, so he knows that his only hope in hell that this will go away is in a negative test result." Season 1 AU; Kurt is pretty sure he's gay, but would like to make sure. Quinn Fabray has similar questions running through her mind. They put their theories to the test, with very much unintended consequences. - sequel

I’ve Been Trying to Reach You (T) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Santana/Puck, Rachel/Jesse and Sam/Tina - After falling pregnant in sophomore year, Quinn Fabray plummets from the top of the teen hierarchy at McKinley High to the very bottom. In an effort to give her a chance to start over, her parents transfer her to Carmel, a private school in the area with a blossoming arts program. It's supposed to be a new beginning, but what she doesn't count on is immediately becoming enemies with the most popular girl in school: Rachel Berry, co-captain of Vocal Adrenaline.

The Lopez Manifesto (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - santana starts writing a rachel/quinn fanfic for everyone at McKinley. it’s also extremely popular as everyone awaits her weekly updates. (usually based on what the girls are doing that week.) quinn is the last to find out and is… pissed.

my heart’s a leather jacket I am waiting to give to someone sweet (T) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is McKinley’s resident broody rebel who doesn’t see much point to high school, and who, completely incidentally, just so happens to be kind of a math genius. Santana is Lima's golden child, the perfect and unapproachable only child of public figure Dr. Lopez. She’s also the high school’s enigma; no one actually knows anything about her aside from the fact that she’s cold, distant, terrifying, aloof, and willing to eviscerate anyone who looks at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for her, Brittany is about to get a crash course in the complete mystery that is Santana Lopez when she is asked—or, more realistically, forced—to be Santana's math tutor.

Dead Girls Don’t Sing (T) - 39 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Kurt/Blaine and Tina/Mike - S3 AU. Brittany doesn't believe in unicorns anymore, Rachel's dreams are as dead as the world, Santana is no one's hero…and Quinn? Quinn's just trying to breathe. The world as they knew it is gone -now all they can do is survive. Zombie Apocalypse. Faberrittana Friendship. Slow Burn Faberry. Character Death. COMPLETE

Simple Parts (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - That awkward moment when you travel thirty years forward in time and find out you're married to your high school nemesis? Yeah, it totally sucks...except...maybe it doesn't.

The Lateness of the Hour (M) - 12 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "Brittany has much less to lose. She always has."

half of me (T) - 4 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - a run-in (quite literally) at the bookstore, two broadway tickets, and a seven-year-old in a plaid catholic-school uniform. what has rachel gotten herself into? future AU where quinn has beth and rachel makes it on broadway.

April Fools (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Santana recruits - forces - Rachel to help her prank Quinn. All she has to do is pretend that a love potion has caused her to fall madly in love with the cheerleader. Simple, right? Wrong. Faberry.

Stars & the Moon (M) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - In the midst of dealing with Beth's adoption, Quinn ends up working on a summer community theatre production with Rachel. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding.

Love Me Any Less (M) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Junior year becomes the beginning of something no one expected, and maybe the beginning of something a few can't understand how they ever lived without. Starts mild but progresses to M rating. First fic ever! Faberry.

Better Where It’s Wetter (M) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel and her dads are going on a LGBT family-friendly cruise for the summer and Rachel's told she's can bring a friend. Who else to bring but Quinn?

Like a Seal Upon Your Heart (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - Quinn Fabray is Daddy's little girl and the perfect Christian. She CAN'T be gay. But then her friendship with Rachel Berry starts to change...

Somewhere in Brooklyn (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana and Brittany have been trying to get pregnant for a year without any luck. What happens when a teenage foster child and positive pregnancy test land in their laps on the same day? A unique journey of motherhood ensues.

Multi-chapter (incomplete/in progress):

Everyone's Gonna Know Now (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - 3/4 in series - When Santana confronted Finn about outing her, his response was, "The whole school already knows." That was pretty much true. This story is about the first moment or incident in which each member of Glee - and a few others - discovered Santana's secret.

Be Okay (M) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - “Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed.“ This is the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship taking place over a series of one-shots.

looks like a girl but she's a flame, so bright she can burn your eyes, better look the other way, you can try but you'll never forget her name (M) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - santana lopez writes down the story of her life for a reunion project set for the glee club by none other than rachel berry. aka, a deep dive into santana's life told through her eyes. very santana/brittana centric.

No One Left to Blame (M, read tags) - 30 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray is well-versed in keeping the truths of her family and her past firmly hidden away. But, her efforts prove to be moot when Rachel Berry, armed with her own secrets of the past, arrives at Dalton Academy and manages to turn both their worlds upside down - or, perhaps, right way up. Faberry. Trigger Warnings.

I’m not breaking, I won’t take it (M, read warnings) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor Quinn/Santana - Santana gets up and starts toward her, “Jesus, what happened to you?” she mumbles, but she's softer than she was moment before. It's obvious that she’s concerned. Quinn chokes down a sob and then admits, “There’s something wrong with me.”“Hey, listen. Whatever it is, you’re going to be fine." Santana is still not getting it, but she’s rubbing soothing little circles on Quinn’s shoulders. There really must be something wrong with her too, because then Quinn is lunging forward and then she’s kissing Santana. Quinn feels her freeze, but then Santana relaxes and she’s kissing her back. or, a study in quinn fabray.

no love like your love (T) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Blaine/Sam - Following the death of her mother, Rachel Berry assumes guardianship of her six-year-old brother, Daniel. After a cross-country move for his sister's job, the first friend Danny makes is a soccer-playing, lucky fin having, firecracker of a girl named Beth.

Song of Mine (M) - 18 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana Lopez, the new Music teacher at a religious private school in Indianapolis, meets Brittany Pierce, the resident Math teacher. A love story with a happy ending. Promise.

Girls Over Flowers (NR) - 14 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana - Dalton Academy—a school of prestige, refinement and the country's wealthiest students—houses the famous F3. When "commoner" transfer student, Rachel Berry directly offends F3's leader, Quinn Fabray, she becomes their target. Mayhem ensues.

we were built to fall apart (then fall back together) (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel and Quinn haven't seen each other for seven years and neither thought they'd see the other again. They certainly didn't see themselves starring together in a Broadway musical, as each other's love interests.

A Different Life (E) - 33 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine - Canon!Divergent Brittana. Santana and Brittany move to New York after high school. Everything is going perfectly until Brittany gets a phone call that changes everything. Seven years later, Santana has a daughter and she and Britt haven't seen each other...Canon until 3x16ish. No Louisville, no second senior year.

you get too close you’ll get a royalty high (so breathe it in to feel the love) (T) - 9 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Sam/Mercedes, Mike/Tina, Kitty/Artie and Kurt/Blaine - "Alright," she began uneasily. "I'll do it. I'll go to the dumb school."Her parent's smiles beaming back at her were almost enough to make her think this could possibly be a good idea, but the nerves surging in her stomach said otherwise. Boarding School/Royalty Brittana AU

One-shot:

Tattoo (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "She soaks it in for a few seconds—this night, this place, these friends, this family room floor, this girl—before she says it back." Post-3x11. Brittana.

Eden (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana teach Joe about love. 4K

Riding in Cars With Girls (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - After Quinn quit Glee club and joined a band Rachel feels the gap Quinn has left and sets out to get her back, whatever the cost. But what happens when Quinn's only condition involves her car and Rachel's lips on hers every day at five? Punk!Quinn

and things we’re all too young to know (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Five vignettes set after the point when Brittana become girlfriends. Not too many people would guess it, but Brittany knows that loving Santana is the easiest and best thing in the world to do; Santana is just the best person to love.

My Friends Say That I’m Falling In Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana spend the week leading up to Valentine's Day giving Mercedes grief about her date. Brittana romance, Brittanacedes friendship. Mouseverse. One-shot.

And What Would You Say If I Wrote the Whole Thing Out for You? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Some things have changed a lot since Sam left McKinley and some things haven’t really changed at all. Set circa 3x08.

The Landslide Brought Me Down (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Our girls’ story. Sweet lady kisses, Landslide, their separation, the night of Prom Queen, Songbird, Santana’s Abuela’s rejection, the night after Santana learned about the political ad, Brittany’s senior year falling apart, the lights of New York, and other scenes.

seven (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A companion piece to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Takes place after the first scene in the second chapter - can be read separately to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Basically just childhood fluff that examines their friendship and the items they connect to their friendship.

baby you don't gotta fight (i'll be here til the end of time) (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - She sees red for all of last period, a strange twinge of pain in her chest because all these people think they know Santana but they’re all wrong. or: three times Brittany tells people they've got Santana all wrong and the one time she tells Santana

The Unicorn Tapestries (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - We lie on our stomachs on my pale blue sheets, a book lying open in front of us that we bend our heads over, sunlight all over the page and bringing bits of gold out in your skin..

But You Could Sing (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Why am I always the one who tells bedtime stories? Because your stories are prettier, BrittBritt. But you can tell real ones. Like what?

Colors (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The sunlight in my room shines from the south. The way I know: when I lean far out my window, the sun rises on the side where I can feel my heartbeat, and sets in the direction of my writing hand.

You’re Something Else (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - 'Quinn gets the impression she and Rachel are finally on the same page about what may or may not be happening between them. All she really knows is that it's colourful.'

Raising the Bar (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - Quinn never expected that the best matchmaker would turn out to be a lumpy pullout couch.

the one with the friends reference (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, minor/implied Brittany/Santana and minor/implied Kurt/Blaine - "You can see it. Quinn standing in front of you, as close as she can get without touching you and saying, 'Are you attracted to me?'" Faberry. Post-season six.

Blame it on the Alcohol (or the gay, whatever) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - “I can’t believe what you did to my body, I used to have abs!” - In which one sentence is totally incorrect and causes chaos and havoc and Faberry feelings to happen. Also known as drunk Rachel is kyoot and Finn is stoopid.

could you pass in love? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - “'Quinn Fabray, I will divorce you, don’t think I won’t!'” In which Rachel and Quinn get married, sending them into a possibly out-of-character feelings frenzy . Season Three. Faberry.

Do You Wanna Know How This Story Plays Out? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It's not her fault that you feel the way you do about women, you know that, and you knew that then, too. But you've been angry at Rachel Berry for making you feel things you wanted to lock away for years, and it was far too easy to put all of the blame on her to avoid dealing with your own feelings. It wasn't and isn't fair, but it was about protecting yourself and it makes it a little easier to bear. - OR - After everything implodes with Finn, Quinn moves in with Rachel. They make out a lot without ever talking about how much more it means to both of them. Introspective Closeted!Quinn POV from second-person.

you succeed at being mine (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - Sequel to 'you and her loathing this cruel world'.

This Must Be The Place (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana is eight years old when her Tio Carlos joins the Army. Or the less-cracky-than-you-might-expect Glee/The Losers crossover where Cougar is Santana's uncle. (If it tells you anything, i nearly titled this 'Ohana Means Family.')

This Modern Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "How do you know when you're dating someone?"

Beth’s family tree (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - "Now that being said, my family tree is composed by both my biological family and my adoptive family" Beth explains easily enough as she clicks the mouse. But then the next slide appears and the teacher gapes at all the information, names, colours and arrows in the diagram.

pictures of you, pictures of me (hung upon the wall, for the world to see) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - "Quinn looked around her room again. She'd never noticed it before, but she had a lot of pictures of Rachel." or: a faberry oneshot set between seasons 1 and 2 where Quinn reflects on a series of moments with Rachel that led to where she is now

anything could happen (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - She stared down at the test in her hand. The line was faint, disappearing depending on the angle. It was possible she was just seeing things, but still. She pulled out her cell phone, tears running down her flushed cheeks. It felt like the earth could open up at any second, just swallow her whole. The line rang. Once, twice, she cursed quietly. She sucked in a breath as she heard a click signifying the call had connected."Hello? Rachel?" Her voice cracked. "Quinn. I need your help." A Faberry-centric rewrite of Rachel's season 4 pregnancy scare

Frannie’s View (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - When Frannie was a child she did everything she could to make her father happy. She was a daddy’s girl through and through. She was quiet and never disrespectful. She went to church every Sunday with her mother and father and prayed every night. Frannie had a lot of friends at school and was popular and well liked. She did very well in school though her participation grades were always low. Daddy told her women were supposed to be quiet and always treat their husbands with respect. She was a princess and he was the King. He ruled the house. Frannie absolutely hated the way her father treated her little sister. Frannie desperately tried to change Lucy. She thought if Lucy could be better then their father would be happier, nicer. OR A journey from Frannie's perspective of Lucy/Quinn and Quinn's sexuality and later feelings for Rachel.

According to Judy (PG) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - How Judy Fabray deals with Quinn's infatuation with Rachel.

#brittana #faberry #fic rec #brittana fic #faberry fic

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lilover131 · 3 years

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Chapter 56 Analysis+Theories

AHHHHHH CHAPTER 56 AHHHHHH!!! <--Chrissy every time a chapter comes out

I wasn’t as hyped up about this one as I was for the last one thankfully, seeing as we didn’t have a super long wait, but I certainly don’t want to diminish in any way the importance of this chapter!!!

I won’t waste any time and will get right to it, so buckle in, cuz’ the theory train is coming! More under the cut!

So I’ll start by saying that when I first read the chapter, it was 2 AM where I was. I had been sleeping and just kinda magically woke up right when the chapter just came out, so I like to think there was some fate there. But when I opened that chapter on my phone and the first thing I saw was that Syaoran color spread, I audibly gasped and instantly woke up a bit.

I woke up not because it was absolutely stunning to look at, or even at the fact that we haven’t had Syaoran in a color page for a while. No, the thing that caught my attention was the serious atmosphere it contained and the tone that it seemingly set. To me, this was one of CLAMP’s subtle ways of saying “Prepare for the final battle”. I could be reading into it too much, but I was right about what I believed the Syaoran and Kaito color page insinuated, so I’m gonna stick to my guns here.

We start off the chapter without a moment’s pause where we left off last time. It continues right from the last point of the conversation where Sakura dropped the bombshell that she had seen Kaito use magic. She seems to think that they may not believe her at first, but Syaoran interrupts her to affirm that he 100% believes her and that he even already knew. Sakura is naturally confused by this, but he finally FINALLY gets to tell her what he’s been dealing with this whole time, and it definitely seems to be an uncomfortable topic for him. But at least this time he got to tell Sakura truthfully that he hadn’t ever intended on keeping this from her but was physically not able to. Despite not needing to feel guilty about this, Syaoran seems uncomfortable for the simple fact that someone else had that much control over him, and he was unable to do a thing to stop it. It’s also important to keep in mind that Kero and Suppi were hearing this for the first time themselves as well (about the silencing at least).

Not much time passes after this before Kero and Suppi fess up to also knowing about Kaito, but they admit that theirs was a conscious decision rather than force, but that they believe they too would have been silenced like Syaoran was had they attempted to speak. One could say that since they didn’t know Syaoran was silenced in the way he was that this is not entirely truthful or was just a bad decision, but in reality it still makes perfect sense why they thought to be more careful. They saw Kaito’s magic first hand violently take down Eriol, and if he could shut down a magician of that caliber from halfway across the world, then he could easily do the same or worse to the guardians. And since they also weren’t yet aware of his true intentions with Sakura, it would have been likely seen as dangerous to provoke him and possibly put Sakura in harm’s way. I guess the only thing that doesn’t make much sense to me is why Syaoran and the guardians didn’t collaborate and put together what they knew sooner. Even when Yue went to Syaoran’s apartment, the topic of Kaito or Eriol never came up, and since they both clearly had Sakura’s best interest in mind, I’m not sure specifically why they chose to keep their information to themselves when they both knew they had the same goal. This, I would say, was actually a bad decision on their part, but when it comes down to it, they’re not perfect and everyone makes mistakes (I think Cinzia made the same point here, so I apologize if it seems like I’m copying here! I just also agree when it comes to this).

I’m actually going to pull in a little thing I learned from my counselor not long ago when I felt guilt over a particular decision I had made long ago, and that is that you can only work based on the emotions and information you have at the time. And because we don’t know the future, it is not possible to always make the right decisions, but there is also no telling if our decisions would have changed things for the better, so it is best not to dwell on them. I believe truly that based on what they knew at the time and through the experiences they had, they were likely only trying to protect each other, but missed that they could have probably helped each other. It’s easy to miss things when you’re on the defensive.

What I love about Sakura after this is that she forgives them immediately. This is not the first time she’s had things hidden from her for her protection, and naturally it’s upsetting to not feel like you can be trusted to deal with the serious information. When Syaoran told her how he’d been hiding what he knew before, she was upset but more because she thought he suffered as a result. This time around though, they concealed things from her not because they were worried about how she’d handle it, but rather out of fear from what Kaito would do if they tried, so it’s a completely different reason and much easier to forgive. Sakura is able to differentiate this, because she is a very emotionally intelligent girl and a lot more observant than she gets credit for when it comes to reading people. She’s grown a lot and isn’t as ‘dense’ as she was in Elementary School.

Then we get a precious gift of seeing Syaoran show off how smart he is, working out how Kaito managed to make them forget about said confrontation at the botanical garden. He’s probably thought about it a lot already, considering he mentioned before that he felt like someone made him forget something. But this time, he had additional information that Sakura was able to provide, and this was the final piece of the puzzle he needed. The most important detail that Sakura gave him was the location in particular, the botanical garden. He knew that that was where they intended to go, but that they had yet to go there. This prompted him to check his phone and see how much time might have passed without them realizing, and because he knew what time he had arranged to meet Sakura, 9:30 AM, he was able to observe that it was impossible for them to meet, go to the botanical garden, have this encounter with Kaito, and both get back to their houses in only 16 minutes. This meant it was not just a mere meddling of memories but rather time magic as it was the only explanation for the time discrepancy issue and memory loss. I can’t say how freaking proud I was of Syaoran for working this out. He’s such a smart boy, but I know that Sakura also would have been able to come to the same conclusion had she had more knowledge about the magical world. Sakura is running on pure instinct right now, which is super strong, but Syaoran really helps fill in those gaps where things don’t make sense for her, making them the perfect magical team!

The scene changes to Momo, who appears to be keeping tabs on the conversation (though it’s unclear if Kaito is aware while they are under Siege). And this part is perhaps the most worrying of the entire chapter, and I’m not talking about the line where the English translation says “Into the final act of your story”. That line in particular is a gross mistranslation cleared up by @meimi-haneoka, who graciously gives us translation notes each month in comparison to the Japanese version. The actual line in fact says “Into the final act of THE story”. This changes the entire tone of that page as the first translation implies it is leading to Kaito’s death, whereas the Japanese translation actually more implies that we’re nearing the climax of the story. Momo’s facial expressions also match the wording of the Japanese translation better, as we know she does not seem to want Kaito to die, so she would certainly look more upset here if she were speaking of such a thing. Also, I have to speak up about how pretttyyyy Kaito looks in that panel. The way CLAMP designed that page is just stunning as always.

HOWEVER

Back to what I was saying before! The most concerning part of the chapter for me is the page right before that, where Momo says “Once a spell’s been seen for what it is, it all comes crumbling down. Particularly, where time magic is concerned. And that’s to say nothing of your target’s considerable power. Now everything you’d turned back time to undo. Everything you’ve succeeded in freezing…is beginning to move again”. So here comes Chrissy’s big crazy theory and possible overthinking, but bear with me here!

I think…that what they are saying here is that these moments that were frozen in time and turned back were cut off from the timeline and now floating in a separate space. And now these scenes, which were all intense in their own way and incredibly frustrating for us, are about to move forward.

….all of them….

….at the same time….

This concept isn’t exactly new in CLAMP series. It happened with Tsubasa where Syaoran turned back time to go back to a moment where he could take Sakura’s hand and keep her from being cursed, and to keep that moment ready until he could return, it was in its own separate dimension, cut off from the rest of the universe. Eventually, once he got there, time started to move forward again. Turning back time is a taboo in the magical world for a reason, and Kaito has done this over and over and over again. But also, wouldn’t it be so like CLAMP to say “Hey, we know you’ve been frustrated that all these scenes were seemingly amping up to a big confrontation, but then Kaito rewound time over and over, so how about we give those back….ALL AT THE SAME TIMMMMEE?”. Can you even imagine the consequences of such a thing? At least three of the occasions where Kaito turned back time, Akiho went into what I call ‘book-mode’, where she is no longer herself and tries to absorb Sakura along with her magic (and even succeeds on one occasion). Then there is also Syaoran and Kaito’s battle and Syaoran having his outburst about Kaito being a magician right in front of Akiho. It would be absolute utter chaos, and honestly I’d be living for it. Lmao.

If you believe that this line Momo said was simply to state that his time magic won’t work anymore and that things will continue to progress in this timeline, that would make perfect sense as well, so I don’t want to discount that. I’m just throwing out theories here based on what I know about CLAMP and concepts that are not out of the realm of possibility.

The scenes from here on out bounce a little bit back and forth from a continuation of the conversation with Syaoran and the guardians and present time with Akiho at school. I kinda like the way they did the transitions here, and it didn’t really feel awkward at any point but rather pulled up the relevant information when it was needed.

When Akiho comes in to the classroom, Sakura recalls how the topic of Akiho came up in the conversation from the day before. It’s natural for everyone to question at this point what she knows and if she is someone to be concerned about too. Syaoran mentions that he can’t detect any magic from her, which was something he had looked into from the very first day Akiho arrived at Tomoeda Middle (he knew literally nothing about her, but you know how transfer students go in this town. Lmao). Sakura drops another bombshell here by saying that she actually senses something in Akiho, but she is unclear of what that is and why she feels that way. It’s completely likely that she’s strong enough now to sense the suppressed magic spell the association and her clan put on her. I also noticed Syaoran seemed to tense up when Sakura said this, and I’m sure that this new information probably made him feel very uneasy. Sakura’s instincts are never wrong, and if she feels something, that means there is something, but to think that it’s something even Syaoran can’t sense would definitely be concerning.

It is then that Syaoran decides to approach the idea of addressing Akiho directly about Kaito’s magic to see what she knows. Maybe at this point in time he is thinking “If she possibly has some sort of magic in her, then she might know already about Kaito”, but like Sakura, he has seen Akiho’s behavior as a person and probably believes that she is not doing anything malicious of her own accord. Perhaps he thinks that Akiho might be able to talk some sense into Kaito and put a stop to things. But the way he goes about it doesn’t push Sakura, but rather just offers it as a suggestion as something a bit more direct.

Before we see Sakura’s response to this, we are back to Akiho in the classroom and she is very cheerful from having gone out with Kaito the day prior, and OMG CAN I JUST GUSH FOR A MOMENT ABOUT HOW FREAKING PRECIOUS SHE IS? She is seriously adorable, and the more I see her smile, the more it makes me want to burn her whole clan down to the ground for being so awful to her. But also, it reminds me how strong she is to have gone through everything she did and still smile and hold no hatred in her heart. I can’t honestly say I would be the same in her shoes, so it’s really admirable. For those My Hero Academia fans out there, remember Eri’s smile? You know the one I’m talking about. That’s how I feel every time Akiho smiles.

Anyways, back to Sakura’s response. She decides, in a very Sakura-like fashion, to avoid the subject with Akiho for now. It is true that they don’t fully understand who Kaito is and what his intentions are, but the one thing she does know is that he is considered precious to Akiho, and that at least says something about his character. Akiho herself also isn’t an idiot and is perceptive to Kaito’s feelings. Even when he’s smiling, she can tell when he’s actually hurting inside, so if he had bad intentions at all, that likely wouldn’t go unseen either, so Sakura decides that she’ll wait for Akiho to come to her first if the discussion between them needs to happen. I think this is a very mature decision on her part but also continues to show how much she considers the people around her and cares for them.

Back in the present, Akiho apologizes for talking so much, and Sakura tells her that she doesn’t mind and will listen to whatever she has to say. More than just trying to show good will as a friend, I think this is also her way of opening up the door to tell her “If you want to talk about more serious things, I’m here to listen as well”. That way, when the time comes, Akiho will feel comfortable having that conversation with her.

The scene moves on to Yukito’s home where all the guardians are having a nice little get together in their true forms. It’s not entirely necessary for all but Yue to do this, but I love it as we haven’t gotten to see much of them in these forms in the series so far, especially Spinel and Ruby Moon. Ruby Moon is surprised that they decided to go along with what Sakura said, which I suppose makes sense considering they’ve been kinda doing their own thing up until now. But it turns out that it was Syaoran who made the final decision, and the others just took his lead.

I love that Syaoran was so comfortable just trusting Sakura and realizing that this time, they needed to let her make some choices, especially since it concerned her the most. Moreover, I love that Kero, Suppi, and Yue just basically caved when Syaoran agreed. This shows how much they respect the opinion of not just Sakura, but Syaoran too. They could have easily gone off and continued to work secretly without Sakura, but they didn’t do that. It obviously didn’t work well for them before anyways.

I cracked up when Ruby Moon mentioned how much Syaoran has grown a lot and used to be a ‘pouty brat’ back when they were in Japan the last time (in his defense, Eriol was screwing with him a lot, so he had a lot of good reasons for the bratty attitude. Lmao). But Kero and Yue’s responses are just precious. They both have the same expression initially, but their actual responses seem to differ quite a bit. Kero states that he will always be a brat to him and that he’s only grown ‘a little’. This is classic Kero essentially saying he agrees that he’s grown a lot, but he won’t admit it yet, hence why Spinel calls him childish. Hahahaha.

Yue’s response however makes me absolutely melt. He states he’s not upset about the mention of Syaoran’s growth, but that that he doesn’t think they “should be in such a hurry to grow up”. He sounds just like a freaking dad here who is happy to see his children grow up, but is also wanting to them to slow down and stay children simultaneously. I am absolutely living for it, and I love seeing how soft he gets when it comes to them. -squeals-

Despite how lighthearted this scene is, I’m gonna put out another theory here that might seem like I’m overthinking and perhaps makes this appear a bit darker than possibly intended. My thought was “Why did CLAMP put such focus on this subject right now?”. They could have simply stated that they decided to go along with Sakura and been done with it, but the made a point to talk about the children’s growth as human beings, particularly Syaoran. Now where am I going with this you ask? Perhaps it’s the Tsubasa PTSD speaking, but when CLAMP has dialogue like this, it usually it done quite purposely at times, because it is meant to enhance our emotions when a particular moment comes later on. So when I thought “Now, why would they be talking so much about how Syaoran’s grown emotionally and how much Kero and Yue care about him?”. I think they are trying to emphasize how much people in general care about him. CLAMP showed it again recently with Touya, who threatened Kaito and purposely included Syaoran in his statement, and again when Kaito pointed his staff at Syaoran and Sakura reacted. CLAMP is pointing out right now how much people care about Syaoran, and I think this is once again a signal that something bad is going to happen to Syaoran, and I think it’s going to be soon.

Now, Cinzia actually recently found my reaction to spoilers of chapter 1 of Clear Card (that’s right, chapter 1 from all the way back in 2016), and from the very beginning, I have been screaming at the top of my lungs that I had the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen to Syaoran. I imagine some of you are probably tiring of hearing it from me. Lmao. So here we are, 55 chapters and numerous bad dreams later, and I finally feel like that time is really really close. I’m calling it right now that it will probably happen within the next 4-5 chapters, and if I’m wrong, I will eat my words, but them even putting Syaoran on the color page all by himself for this chapter gives me more reason to think that “that time” is approaching.

That is a good transition for me to talk about the last part of this chapter. We are finally getting some progress on this play Naoko has been writing, and the moment she mentioned it was about “Twin Alices”, I thought to myself “this is going to be where the climax happens”. The pieces are coming together for it, and we’ve finally gotten to hear the premise of this play. We all knew Naoko would ask Sakura and Akiho to play the main roles, but it’s unclear what the role she wants for Syaoran will be when she inevitably peer pressures him into it. Lol. But I’m telling you, I really think this play is where shit is going to hit the fan and we’ll finally get some real answers.

I can’t wait to see what happens from here on out, but it’s very clear to me that things are just going to get more and more intense from here on out!!

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yoichichi · 3 years

Text

To Call You Mine

college!tsuki x reader series

Ch. 1 - study buddies

warning(s): swearing, early early mornings 😵‍💫, second hand embarrassment LOL

a/n: ahhhhh!! Here’s chapter one of my first series!! I have the masterlist and details linked above but for some quick info: this is a college!au multi chapter fic about tsuki and the reader :) if you’d like to be added to the taglist let me know!! And as always I really appreciate your thoughts and comments n all that :) my inbox is always open!!! Enjoy <3 psps - don’t forget to check out the playlist linked above hhehehe

You’re not sure what woke you first; your alarm, the pain shooting up your back from the stiff cot your university has the audacity to refer to as a “bed”, or your own sour attitude from having to be up so early.

Five am. Five am. It takes a certain kind of sick and twisted individual to suggest meeting up to study at five in the morning. Although, you have to admit, it does take a different kind of person to actually agree to those terms.

Why, why, why, why, why.

Is the mantra you chant to yourself while you mindlessly dress and pack your bag, not even bothering to snatch a power bar from your nightstand for breakfast. Water will have to do.

You make an effort to click the door shut behind you quietly, not wanting to wake up your more than sweet dorm mate who’d surely be focusing on being just as careful as you were right now.

“Oh my gosh, don’t you have that study date in the morning sweetie? You should be sleeping right now.” Bonnie, said dorm mate, leans over the back of your desk chair to peer down at the page of your calculus ll textbook you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes. Concern is evident in her voice and her body language as she brings up a hand to gingerly rub your shoulder, hoping her small sideways smile will give you a sense of comfort. Or maybe even convince you to give it, and yourself, a rest.

“I know, I know. I just want to be prepared is all. I’m already dropping past a C at the speed of light and I’m sure my professor thinks I’m an idiot, hence him actually setting me up with a tutor, and I don’t need this guy to think I’m one too.” Your head falls in your hands at the end of your sentence, a dramatic groan feeling needed to really emphasize your point, too.

“Okay, just head to bed soon.” She placed a kiss on the top of your head before crawling into her own bed, using a storage container to prop herself onto it properly. She almost made you homesick with the way she doted on you like she was your mother.

You looked over and tapped the screen of your phone to see it read 9:14, not too late. You could reasonably cram in one more lesson.

You scoffed at yourself with the door fully shut and locked. You should’ve listened to Bonnie when you had the chance, it was just past midnight when you finally tore yourself away from last weeks review and decided to get ready for bed. Barely even four hours later and you’re up and getting ready to look at it all again.

You could at least appreciate how quiet the dorm hall was this ea-

“Mornin’, you!”

You internally banged your head against the wall at the bright voice that came towards you with such heavy and loud footsteps, how can someone’s footsteps manage to be so loud on carpet?

You substituted a hello with a gentle smile and wave as your R.A., who definitely didn’t remember your name - which is fine cause you didn’t remember theirs either, rushed past you.

Sighing deeply, you left the warm confines of the dorm building and stepped into the cold and brisk morning, starting your trek to the library.

He couldn’t have even chose a coffee place or something?

You had some, thoughts, about this guy. You didn’t know much about him, only two things.

One, his name: Tsukishima Kei.

Two, he was a good enough student to be assigned to you as a tutor.

You swallowed your slight embarrassment at the thought of your professor reaching out to someone on your behalf and instead chose to focus more on how weird this guy has to be.

Waking up before the sun rises on a Sunday was not something you looked forward to, you don’t think anybody would truly; especially to meet someone for the first time; yet this guy thinks it’s a great idea. So much so he didn’t even think to ask first, just tell you when and where to meet.

Thursday 4:14 pm

- ‘It’s Tsukishima. See you at 5 in the library this sunday.’

- ‘Oh hi!! Oh ok, am or pm?? lol’

Thursday 7:43 pm

- ‘am.’

- ‘Ok cool, see ya then!’

And that was it. Neither of you have texted since, which was three days ago on a Thursday afternoon. It kind of bothered you really, I mean, what kind of self righteous ass-

You took a deep breath and chose to think happy thoughts instead. You’d much rather be in a somewhat pleasant mood when you meet this guy than have some grudge against a stranger. And he probably talks different than he texts, right? You’re sure he didn’t mean to sound like a complete jerk.

You shook your head as if you were shaking away your thoughts as you started to walk along the path to the library. It was a fairly nice walk, about five minutes, and being alone was kind of peaceful on the way there this early.

Your feet shuffled only slightly on the cold concrete surprisingly enough considering the way your fatigue was starting to creep into your joints - but surely the cold wasn’t helping.

It was that kind of morning cold that stung your nostrils when you breathed in and tickled your cheeks and ears. It made your hands clench and unclench in your coat pockets, debating whether or not it’d be worth it to pull the cold metal of your jacket zipper just a centimeter higher in hopes of keeping your neck warmer. The morning fog leaving droplets on the synthetic material of your coat, making it squeak awfully when you moved your arms. And there was the dew on the grass that’d cling onto the tops of your shoe when you had to walk through it.

But the way the old fashioned light posts lit your walk and illuminated the fog kind of made your slight discomfort worth it. And by the time you reached the tall brick library, you could almost say you were in a pleasant mood, almost. And then you remembered why you were here.

You took one final deep breath as you reached the heavy doors of the university library. It was a grand sight really.

The building had its own separate spot on campus, towering at about four stories high, which although didn’t sound ginormous, it definitely felt that way when you had to climb those stairs to the top floor for a book you really didn’t even want. The brick with the foliage creeping up the sides to cover some of the lower windows even gave it an almost magic feeling when you took it in from the outside, it’s too bad that sense of wonder couldn’t be mirrored on the inside.

It was too quiet, especially this early, it smelt almost stale, and everything seemed to have a layer of dust no matter how new a book was. And the bathrooms? Old. Most stalls didn’t even have usable locks at this point. It’s arguably all apart of the charm of such an old building, but it’s not as charming when you have to reach out to keep the stall door closed with your fingertips just to use the restroom. And the water from the sink that never seems to get warm enough when you wash your hands doesn’t help either. Yet the water fountains are always too warm curiously enough.

You made little to no noise besides the occasional rustling of your jacket and squeaking of your shoes as they padded across the dingy off-colored carpet towards the back of the first floor.

There were various sizes of tables spread out throughout the space, few actually matching in color or style. The chairs varied less - but you could still find the oddball desk chair, or the chair with the wooden frame just a tad to wide to feel like a normal seat but just as evenly too small to be a bench.

Your heavy eyes surveyed the dimly lit space in hopes of finding any sign of human life when you finally noticed a backpack haphazardly tossed onto a table, still zipped open. Pens were splayed across the table with a single notebook, scribbles scrawled across the pages too far from you to be read. Not seeing anyone occupying the seat pulled away from the tables edge, you took out your phone to take a peek at the time.

4:58 am

Wow, I’m early?

Shoving your phone back into your pocket you began to make your way towards the (un)occupied table, debating whether a seat closer or farther would be more polite.

If I sit too close that’ll definitely be-

“Hey.”

You felt your shoulders hunch up to your ears and a small gasp leave your mouth at the way the voice behind you so suddenly interrupted your train of thought.

You turned around to come face to face with the voice.

“Are you (y/n)?”

Damn. He’s kinda tall.

Kind of was certainly an understatement. God he was definitely above 6 feet, 6’2” maybe? No, maybe even a little taller.

A single earbud was still in his ear as the other hung down and rested against his chest. He took the time to take the other out and wrap the cord gently around his middle and index finger before shoving it into his coat pocket, presumably the same one with his phone, in an effort to prevent them from getting tangled most likely. He took a deep breath and eyed you up and down before chuckling softly to himself.

“Okay.”

The tall man, who you’re now beginning to realize is Tsukishima, gives you a quizzical stare with a quirked eyebrow as he looks you up and down one last time, definitely judging you and your silence at this point, before turning around and making his way to a table.

Well it’s a good thing he stopped you before you sat at some other strangers table. You don’t think your heart could’ve taken that today.

You watched his back as he made his way towards a table farther into the back, closer to a window peering out onto the foggy and barely illuminated field.

Oh shit

“Oh, sorry!” You clear your throat and begin again, your own sudden volume startling yourself for a moment, as you double your pace to catch up and walk beside him towards a table,

“Um, yeah. Sorry, it’s a little early, brain hasn’t woke all the way up.”

Silence.

At the lack of a response, you decide to awkwardly laugh rather than wallow at the fact he didn’t even give a pity chuckle at your bad attempt at a polite joke to ease the seemingly tense vibe between the two of you.

Okay, well he definitely seems to talk the way he texts.

Clearing your throat again, you tried once more.

“I’m (y/n) by the way, it’s nice to m-“

“I know your name.” He stopped at the table and turned to glance down at you over his shoulder, the tiniest of smirks resting on his face with raised eyebrows, before pulling out a seat to sit in.

Yeah, maybe being quiet for a bit would do you some good. You’ll try again later.

Still trying to shake the embarrassment, no humiliation at this point, you busied yourself with taking out all the proper materials and waiting while he did the same. Sitting patiently opposite of Tsukishima, you decided to finally get a good look at him. Take in what you see and make some judgements.

He shook off his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair, showing you his wide shoulders underneath the simple grey t-shirt he wore. You didn’t fail to notice how the sleeves were cuffed, either.

Hm. Nice look.

Points for Tsukishima.

His hands and ears were slightly pink from the weather outside, contrastingly sweet against the paleness of his skin.

Kinda cute, in like a Keebler elf kind of way.

More points, you guess, for Tsukishima.

He sighed as he opened up the calculus ll textbook, adjusting his glasses with long and slender fingers before flipping through the pages. You decided it’d be best to do the same.

It was quiet for a moment too long when you thought it might be a good idea to try and speak again, but apparently he must’ve had the same idea.

“So, why d-“

“Thanks for-“

Cutting each other off, you pursed your lips as he gave you some emotionless stare, one of you waiting for the other to start back up again.

Andddd, another awkward beat of silence.

Jesus, this was gonna be the longest hour of your life.

—————————

AHHHHH HERES CHAPTER ONE - I promise the next one will be full of tsuki and tsuki content ok, I just had to get the ball rolling and really wanted to post smth!! I hope you guys like and please please leave your thoughts or anything in my ask box or anywhere!! I’d love to talk :D MWAH I also have little footnotes in my tags too :) (more like commentary but yeah)

taglist for series: @plutowrites @c0rncheez @ruetaro @daniagabriela48 @toyas-wife @devilkou @anime-and-kpop-trash (if you’d like to be added or removed let me know! And if ur crossed off tagging didn’t work!)

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blouisparadise · 4 years

Photo

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Harry, Louis, or both Harry and Louis are single parents. This list includes both fics where one of the parents is not in the picture (at least for a period of time) and fics where the parents are both single even if they’re both present. If you enjoy this rec list, please like and reblog to spread the word. Happy reading!

1) All I Want For Christmas Is You (And Your Children) | Explicit | 11307 words

Harry finds himself at Tesco on December 24th for a quick grocery shopping with his daughter Leah.

He thought he’d come back home with a few things for dinner (and probably a few that Leah slipped through the cart without him noticing).

He absolutely did not think about the possibility of meeting a gorgeous single father of two children.

And inviting him to his Christmas Eve dinner at home.

2) For The Thrill Of Your Touch I Will Shamefully Lust | Explicit | 12873 words

“Harry, are you really making red velvet?” He breathed, excitement clear in his voice and written in his eyes. As if Harry making him something (after he asked about it) was something he had never expected to happen and Harry wondered for a second when he had given of the impression of not wanting to please Louis’ every wish.

“Of course I am, I had two tiny Tomlinson’s asking for it” he smiled, aware of the fact that Louis did not think of himself as short or anywhere near tiny. But in comparison to Harry, he was definitely a tiny one.

Louis huffed and moved a step away from him. They had been standing very close up until that moment, and Harry had not even noticed before the smaller was moving away.

“I am not tiny, Harold” he said, in a sharper voice, but Harry knew from the look on his face that Louis was far from mad about the comment.

3) What's Love Without Tragedy | Explicit | 17130 words

Louis is a widower with three kids. Harry is the babysitter. They fall in love.

4) Dear Santa | Explicit | 20518 words

"Dear Santa...I know you're very busy and you have lots of toys to make but I wondered if this year I could ask for something else. I changed my mind about the puppy and I'd like to ask if you can help me instead. "

Miss. Fields looks mildly bemused as Beau takes a breath.

"I used to have a really cool Doctor; possibly the coolest doctor ever and then he went away only he's back and he helped me feel better and I'd really, really like it if I could say hi to him again."

"Who was your doctor, Beau?" Her teacher asks.

"Dr. Styles," she replies with a sweet smile.

Miss. Fields glances over to Sam.

"He's just come back into town hasn’t he? I'm sure we can arrange for you to say hello..."

"My Daddy won't let me," she pouts, scratching a nail against her page a little.

She's decorated it with glitter in the colours of the rainbow.

"We can ask him if it’s alright," Miss. Fields suggests. “Perhaps he can come with us?”

"Oh, can we?" Beau beams, gasping.

Her teacher smiles and rests a gentle hand on her back.

"Think of something else you'd like to ask Santa for," she suggests.

5) Give So Much (Not Enough) | Explicit | 24610 words

A friends to lovers AU with tons of mama Louis and domesticity.

6) Yours To Lose | Explicit | 25742 words

Louis always gets distracted with his mummy duty and he eventually catches Harry's attention.

7) All The Lights are Full Of Colour | Explicit | 26727 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

8) A Fallen Star That Shines No More | Explicit | 25926 words

Louis might have a problem.

Said problem lies entirely in the fact that he can't seem to avoid Harry Styles, The Ex-Boyfriend That Broke His Heart and World Famous Popstar Sensation. Everything is only made more complicated by the fact that he doesn't really want to avoid Harry either, even though they're supposed to mean nothing to each other.

Another tiny problem may also be that Harry has no idea that Louis has a daughter now.

Yeah, he's screwed.

9) Starlight's Crossing | Explicit | 30496 words

All it takes is one night for Harry and Louis' life to change forever. Fast-forward four years, and they embark on an adventure of a lifetime across the universe.

10) Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles | Explicit | 34329 words

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.

He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

A mob au.

11) Sedative Duty. | Explicit | 46588 words

Pop-star of the moment Louis Tomlinson is on his third-world tour. He decides to hire renowned professional dominant Harry Styles to unwind while on the road. In an effort not to raise suspicion by the crew, fans, and press, Harry pretends to be his bodyguard. He ends up being far more than that.

12) So Much We Didn’t Say | Mature | 53584 words

Harry’s near fatal accident exposed the cracks in his and Louis’ eleven year marriage. A serious error in judgement by Louis shattered it completely.

13) The Bachelor | Explicit | 53953 words

"Don't tell me, you're Lola," Louis pointed at the little girl and she crowded her father's leg shyly, sticking her thumb in her mouth.

Harry chuckled lightly and cupped the back of her head with a large palm, his calloused hands catching the fine strands of her hair.

"She's shy," Harry told him. "Plus you swore mighty loud...M'Harry by the way," he stuck his free hand forward, his diction belying his way of life- slow and casual.

The somewhat dainty-looking loud-mouth flicked a look to his hand, then back to his face. Harry waited patiently for him to take it.

"Louis," he finally shared, clasping Harry's hand with his smaller one and giving it a gentle squeeze, placing his other over the top of both of theirs. "Tomlinson," he added. "I'm your personal assistant," he added.

14) All I Want | Mature | 289311 words

When Harry and Louis got together it wasn’t under the best circumstances. Louis was taken by another. But go figure that the way they ended up together is the very same way it ended. And Harry left Louis. He left him with a lot more than he thought. A story about how people’s misconceptions almost destroyed a love that went beyond measure.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#fic recs #bottom louis #top harry #single parent fics #blp #blp fic recs #larry

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mymadmedleyw · 2 years

Note

For the Wips ask game.

First of all, you have so many wips. I'm a little scared for you. 😂

Seriously though, everything looks so exciting. I'll ask specifically about "No other choice Left" and "Lightness of Dark."

Thank you for being interested! ❤

Yes, I have many WIPs - especially in my mind 😅 - and you don't even know half of it. 😄 (I did not list the many short ones for GG or WTPH because that would have been long, so it was a shortened list. Now, you can imagine why I am going ahead with everything this slow. My mind is chaotic, working on its own most of the time and against my plans.)

Anyway, so ‘little’ summary about the asked ones.

:readmore:

No Other Choice Left:

Technically it'll play after WTPH/21, but it could be read independently. You ask how. Well, it'll contain a revealing scenario. Without mentioning how that particular circumstance happened that led the happenings there, it could be about anything, so then, working as a simple reveal fic too, and as a sort of standing alone one. On the other hand, it will be the continuation of the mainline, cutting off a question about a not-answered sideline.

Right now, I don't know if it will be a two-shot - as I would need at least two POVs - or it will 'just' one chapter with cuts init. I had this idea for a while, and I think I could say it is mostly written, but since it (could be) connected to WTPH, it's in queue now.

However, I'm going to share its main synopsis:

"Mr and Mrs Fenton,

This is Phantom. This is an automated message in case of an emergency. Please detect the signal. The Specter Speeder is attached to it.

Whatever happened, remember, I'm on your side. I always was. Be hurry.

Note: if it is Danny, please don't take him to the hospital, this is important! Later he will tell why. If it is me - Phantom - it is just as important not to shoot me. I will tell you everything later.

(Please don't freak out if I change in front of you before I could tell you everything.)

The attachment will help you in case of a medical emergency."

(Side note: it is a sequel of previously shared Portal)

---

Lightness of Dark (a.k.a. 'LoD'):

Oh, god, I could rant about this... This's my next planned long story. This was my medicine during December when I was having my final exam at the university, writing my thesis, and other great stuff... I was longing for that to start writing on this. It was tormenting me at the same time and was helping me to go ahead too. You can imagine the headache. So, the moment I could sit down for that, getting free from school obligations, I began to work on this idea as soon as I could. And I managed to figure out mostly its whole plot that time too. 😁

It has already a prologue, four and a half chapters right after that, two and a quarter chapters in the middle, and the earlier shared 'concept' (Sailor) is somewhere in its 'third' part. (I have three separate docs for its sections to write: the continuation of the beginning part, the middle, and for the end).

The whole idea got born from this little idea because it was bugging me so much that soon my brain had to come up with some background for that little scene. So then, it turned out into a complete story, into LoD. (And the scene itself is actually in the first chapter, so...)

I have so much to tell about this story, but I think I have to keep myself back a bit to avoid bringing out the surprise factors.

Technically, the story will play between WTPH and GG, but it could be read entirely independently from those. The little connection LoD will have to those will be mentioned, but only briefly. (I could say its only reference to GG will be that once or twice Dan's dreams about a girl - Dani - will be brought up, but really just for some side notes. Anything relevant that happened in WTPH will be explained too, through some short comparisons of the happenings in LoD, but nothing more will be needed.)

The story itself won't be about Dan. Sure, he'll be one of the main characters, but the focus will be on Valerie. LoD, even though won't be as complicated as WTPH was, it'll have its surprises, I am sure. My longest chapter in this so far is 4k long, so it won't be as gigantic either, as my 'usual' chapters are in WTPH. Which, hopefully, would allow me to work on it faster too if its time comes.

I think I can't say more about it, but here are some interesting (irrelevant) facts. It won't be mentioned as clearly, but it'll mainly be played in Europe. I was like, 'hey, why not write once a fic playing a bit in Europe?'. So I did it. And it happened similarly with the sailing stuff. (I could drive a boat and more or less could sail too, so yeah, I am stealing some stuffs init from my life. 😅)

Also, some could say it'll be a darkgray fic. I can't decide if it could be counted as that or not. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Personally, I can't write romantic things, and I am far away from Deliverance-level - even though that story gave me the idea to once write on my own one with Valerie and Dan - so it could be said it will be darkgray one, as much that it won't.

The story itself will play in a TUE timeline - but I can't say more about it without saying too much.

Officially LoD was planned for InvisoBang, but I very soon realised I wouldn't be capable of finishing WTPH and writing this to be done at the deadline, so plans changed. This decision freed me from a huge weight, though, allowing me to go ahead at my own pace with writing both. (Which means I haven't touched LoD in a while... 😅)

The story itself will be about Valerie, along with Vlad, kind of having no other way but working together with her thought-to-be enemy to avoid an event. But of course, things wouldn't be this easy. Things (that were never said before) come to light, and trusts get shattered, old stuffs return, and other lovely things will happen. So 'Lightness of Dark' will be kind of about Valerie finding herself again behind the Red Huntress. Just as much it'll be about not necessarily seeing everything 'black and white', so then neither her enemy as just her enemy, but as a person, and facing severe issues meanwhile too.

---

(Collecting these thoughts, I realised how much I miss writing these ideas. Now I've got curious and took a quick check, 'No Other Choice Left' was updated on 1st February 2021! 😳 I can't even speak about LoD without causing me heartache wishing to work on that again. 😔 But maybe, soon! ☺)

Thanks for being interested in coming stuffs! ❤

#my stuff

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scullydubois · 3 years

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that terror that keeps me brave: a sex education fic

hi, hello, now that I am riding high off the excitement of season three, i am finally gonna start publishing the sex education fic that I began writing in uhh...february! it primarily follows jean, maureen, and jakob as they deal with the ramifications of the season two finale. again, i started this months ago so it is not influenced by season three, and you can read it without watching that. it will focus on jean's pregnancy and maureen exploring her sexuality in the wake of her separation.

chapter one is under the cut! 1.5k, rated T. read it on ao3 here.

Jean taps her pen absentmindedly against her soft leather notebook, misery on the faces of the couple in front of her. It’s a classic story: the once-adoring wife who has seen the dream crumble in front of her and her unshaven husband. Jean’s eyes train on him as he squirms in his seat.

“So, to clarify, you experienced a nocturnal emission from a dream about your co-worker, and then when Cecelia asked what the dream was about, you told her the truth.”

The man nods. Jean shifts her focus to the woman.

“And now, Cecelia, you are mad at him because you believe that he cheated on you.”

“Yes,” the wife squeaks. “He got off on another woman! Am I supposed to be okay with that?”

Jean pulls her lips into a poorly drawn line. “But you don’t have any other evidence of his cheating, correct? You’re using this dream as the sole reason for your accusation?”

“The dream is the cheating, there doesn’t need to be nothing more.”

Jean glances at the woman over her glasses. “Let’s ask Brian, shall we?” She crosses her legs, turning her attention warmly toward the poor man. “Have you ever engaged in sexual intercourse or anything of the sort with this woman while you were awake?”

“No.” He shakes his head violently. “Never.”

“Would you ever do so?”

“No...Addison--that’s her name--is fine-looking, but I’m married and I love my wife. I would never do such a thing.”

Jean has seen her fair share of men who are bullshitting. Brian is not one. She closes her notebook. “See, Cecelia? You are the one he wants. Nocturnal emissions are involuntary physical responses to subconscious stimuli. Addison is Brian’s co-worker, which means he probably sees her quite often. This makes it more likely for her to turn up in his dreams. It’s neither an affront to you, nor a compliment to her.”

Cecelia pouts. “I just don’t feel right about it.”

Jean rests her glasses on the crown of her head. “This could easily have been you who had the dream about your co-worker, and what then? How would you feel if Brian were accusing you of something you couldn’t control?”

“I never have those nasty dreams,” Cecelia counters, scoffing. “Not even about my own husband.”

Jean can’t help but fight back a smirk. “Well, Cecelia, that may be an issue for another session.”

“Like hell it will be! I’m giving you money to tell me it’s okay for my husband to make love to another woman! What do I look like, a fool?”

Jean folds her hands over her lap. Nothing she hasn’t heard before.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Cecelia, but I’m glad you and Brian could come in and have this conversation today.” She exchanges a sympathetic look with Brian. “My ears are always open.”

“Thank you, Jean,” the man says, ushering his wife out of the office. “We’ll see you next time.”

And Jean’s sure they will, because they’ve had this exact session about five separate times. The only thing that ever changes is what woman features in Brian’s dream. Once, it was even Jean! Now that was a session. You’d think, by now, that Brian would just tell Cecelia that every dream is about her. The honest men are always the ones who can afford a little dishonesty.

This is what’s on Jean’s mind when she jaunts into the foyer and finds the most honest man she knows standing there like he’s waiting to be checked in. Grease streaks his clothes; he’s stopped by in between jobs.

“Jakob!” Her voice is taut and uncompromising.

“Jean!” His is cordial and languid. “That nice couple let me in, I hope it won’t be a problem.”

Jean shifts her weight onto one heel, stretching her free leg. “I have another session in a few minutes. You should go.”

“Such strict avoidance of an ex-partner is not healthy, you know. I’m sure they taught you that in therapy school.”

“And continuing to show up at your ex-partner’s home after they have indicated they do not wish to see you is called stalking.” Jean strides into the kitchen. His clunky footsteps follow her. “I didn’t need to go to ‘therapy school’ to learn that.”

“We didn’t have those kinds of laws in Sweden until very recently. It was viewed as an expression of fondness when I was growing up.”

“That’s a view universal to men around the world,” Jean retorts. “They can’t all be right.”

“I was let in here, remember?” Jakob points out. “I don’t believe that makes it possible to prosecute me for any crimes.”

“Well, if I see you grab a kitchen knife, I’m going to assume the worst.”

“If I touch a kitchen knife, you may arrest me.”

“Wonderful.” Jean starts the coffee pot and pulls her beloved honeycomb mug from the cabinet. Despite herself, she grabs another one and offers it to Jakob. “Coffee?”

“No thank you. I had my smoothie this morning.”

“Ah.” She should’ve known. She stands on her tip-toes to slide the rejected mug back on the shelf. When she turns around, her visitor is gone. This isn’t of particular concern to her, though it is rather strange.

She sets her mug beneath the coffee pot and lets it run. As the steamy liquid spews out, she surveys her kitchen. Following the trend of the day, curiosity gets the best of her. “Jakob?” she calls.

A familiar head pops out of the pantry. “You have not used your pan shelf.”

Jean takes her coffee and shuffles over. “No, I have not,” she confirms, mimicking his charmingly formal way of speaking.

“Is it not adequate?”

“I told you, I don’t need it.” She turns on her heel, gliding toward the table. “Now, can you get out of my pantry?”

With an amused smile on his face, Jakob slips out and shuts the door.

“How was the session?”

Jean casts a downward glance at him. “I’m not supposed to share--”

“My mistake.” Jakob sits down and settles his hands on the table, the epitome of patience. Jean feels a nagging tug in her stomach, and she can’t discern one potential cause from the other.

She sighs. Jakob’s eyes have always struck her as those belonging to a guard dog who’s sworn to protect. Their inability to deceive is a great comfort, and so different from most of the men she has known.

She presses the mug to her lips, drinking in the miracle roast that she has been meaning to cut back on. 200 milligrams per day, that’s the recommended maximum intake for expecting mothers. She’s keeping herself right at that.

It is hard to steel herself against Jakob when he looks at her with such genuine eyes, especially knowing that she can’t offer him the same.

She swallows her sip, sets the mug against the table. “Do you feel that a husband who’s having wet dreams about another woman is cheating?” She eyes Jakob like he’s one of her clients, someone she must pick apart.

Jakob eyes her in kind, deducing that this is not a trick, but an honest question. “Yes,” he responds in his frank tone. “That would be an emotional betrayal at least.”

Jean leans back in her chair. “Why do you say that?” She may as well have her notebook and pen in hand.

“Because he’s emotionally attached enough to this person to have those sorts of dreams.” It sounds completely sensible, Jean thinks, when he says it. And it makes her sound like a bitch for what she has to say, but a situation where she must leave her emotions out of the equation is exactly what she needs when it comes to him.

“Dreams occur in our subconscious, unbeknownst to our waking selves. We cannot plan them. And the physical response is involuntary. Nocturnal emissions happen without our intervention. He is neither choosing the subject of his dreams, nor is he choosing his sexual response to them. Therefore, no cheating is taking place.”

“So cheating is a choice then,” Jakob muses. The weight of this statement hangs between them. He searches Jean’s face for signs of apprehension.

She stiffens in her chair but holds firm. “Yes. It is.” She understands the implications of admitting this, and she hopes he does too. She has done him wrong, and the worst they can do is let it keep happening. Even this choice, though, does him wrong, and for that Jean is sorry.

The doorbell rings, no doubt the next sexual conundrum she must untangle. She slides her chair back, grabs her mug, and gives Jakob a look that’s almost apologetic.

He returns the look, his eyes both fire and ice. “Another pair whose relationship you will save.”

Jean breaks eye contact when she realizes he’s being serious, for that’s simply too sweet a thing for him to say. She walks him to the door, and it strikes her as all too familiar.

“Thank you for your help,” he utters when she opens the door to her clients. She sees what he’s doing and plays along.

“You’re welcome. See you next week.”

“Yes,” he says, fixated on her. “See you next week.”

#the title is from an audre lorde poem #pls pls let me know what you think #is the characterization okay? is it enjoyable? i wanna hear it all #sex education #jean milburn #jakob nyman #sex education fic #sex ed #sex ed fic #tttkmb #mine

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letsdiscoverkitty · 3 years

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"Life" Update - May 2021

This is the last of the three updates I have to post at the moment. If anyone actually reads these, especially in one go, you really do deserve a medal and I have no idea what I have done to deserve your kindness and support but THANK YOU SO MUCH (to all of you who are here, you are all truly wonderful and amazing) Okay, let's get going....

I suppose the title is a bit, well, overkill. To say that anyone has been had any sort of "life" over the past year would be a huge misuse of the word. The global pandemic has, quite literally, turned life upside down for the vast majority of people and I know that lockdowns, especially in the UK, have meant that anything other than what was deemed "essential" has been off the cards, which has hit us all hard.

I personally found it quite difficult whilst I was in hospital as although on the one hand it was good to know that there wasn't much that you were missing out on whilst locked on a ward with 15 minutes fresh air (if you were lucky), it did make it hard to find/hold onto motivation at times. Coupled with the fear of how my dad's condition would progress, whether he would make it and what sort of home life I would be going back to; the world suddenly felt even noisier than it had before (which I didn't think was really possible). The situation seemed to further heighten my fears as well as add to them. I found my mind was swamped with so many questions and fears, to then be asked about my future/what I wanted to do with my life (that classic question) and what my motivations were to get better, was too much. I fell blank.

I had completely lost myself and any shed of hope that was left inside of me. I tried to put on a smile; paint a different picture to the outside world but inside I was dark. I was hollow. I was empty.

What was the point? You never know what is waiting around the corner; everything can turn upside down overnight. What kind of 'life' would there be going back to anyway? Would it be possible to go to University anymore or would there still be multiple restrictions in place? would that make the huge financial costs worth it? What sort of society will we be coming out of the pandemic anyway? Will we even come out of this? Will people ever go back to offices again? Will we be able to see friends soon or go out to places? What about travelling? Fun? LIFE?

I found depression swamped me more than ever after dad's accident. I was trying to hold myself together for mum but I was losing all hope of anything ever being 'the same' or 'okay' again. In the end, the only reason I accepted the admission was for mum - I wanted to be able to support her with dad in hospital and us not know what the future held; as much as I wished I could be there all the time, I knew in the state I was that I couldn't. Initially I was told the admission would be a short one, that I could then go back home to support my mum through the family trauma...but that 4 weeks soon turned into over 8 months, which I still can't believe.

Gosh, I am sorry, I seem to have got a little distracted. This was meant to be the POSITIVE update. So let's get to those bits...

NEWS ONE: I HAVE A JOB (starting in Sept)

So whilst in hospital my consultant kept trying to get me to think about what I wanted to do with my life (just the small questions you know *lol*) - in her eyes she thought it would be risky to go back to University to do neuroscience/a degree so intense, and that instead I should think about doing something more creative, taking small steps to get a part time job and then go from there - which, as much as I hated to admit, I agreed with. However after one particularly bad run-in with the nutritionist when she decided to tell me that she didn't think I could achieve a life beyond Anorexia (it must have been mid-way-ish through my admission) blah blah blah (I get that she could have been trying to motivate me but there is a way to go about it and then there are ways to really not go about it and she chose the latter). Anyway, I was rather angry/mad and ended up doing basically trying to prove everyone wrong and started doing some research into my different options...

Long story short: I ended up applying to a degree apprenticeship scheme in business management...I've never really considered something like this before, perhaps partially because at school they drilled into me that business was a "soft" subject as it would not be looked upon very highly for Oxbridge applications *rolls eyes*. Thankfully I did a lot of research into Degree Apprenticeships a few years ago so I knew where to look online. Anyway, back to this application. I ended up going through the process/tests, somehow managing to make it through the initial online stages, then just before I was discharged I was invited to a online interview!

I only had a few days to do the interview before it timed out so I actually ended up doing it In the end the day after I was discharged (not ideal) and I was convinced that I had messed it up as it was one of those ones where you get shown the question for around 30 seconds before being given 2 minutes to respond - i.e. stress.pressure.anxiety.stumbling over words. HORRENDOUS.

I somehow passed the interview and the reviews before being invited to an online assessment centre in Feb, which spanned a whole day and included multiple interviews (the first was a strengths based interview with 2 interviewers for just over an hour - yuck!!!) as well as a presentation which we were given 24hrs in advance to prepare for (we were given 4 'topics'/questions and had to answer all of them in a 15 minute window using aids if we chose to, again to 2 (different) interviewers before having a 45 minute further interview - double yuck!)

Dare I say that I actually enjoyed the preparation for the presentation and the interviews?! It was so nice to have a focus and something to be working on that I was actually really beginning to connect with/want/see myself doing. The interviews and presentation themselves? HORRIBLE but the process reignited something within me. After the assessment centre day we were told it could be 7-10 working days to hear back from them - waiting for anything like this is just the worst so I wasn't looking forward to it and tried not to get my hopes up as these schemes are ridiculously hard to get into... Well, I got the call the next day saying that they were so impressed and out of something like 14,000 applications, I was offered one of the spaces on the scheme!! - I honestly still can't believe it and imposter syndrome is v real -

I know at the beginning of this I sounded very blase about the whole thing but as I progressed through the process, as I read more about the scheme and the business and what it would entail, the more I began to get excited. The more I realised how interesting it was and what an amazing opportunity it would be for me.

Despite this, I was also at the time, finishing up yet another an application to University (for the millionth time, I swear I must be a pro at these personal statements by now) this time for psychology and behavioural studies. This was before I got the offer of the degree apprenticeship scheme, which I knew was a long shot with only a handful of places given for thousands of applicants, so I felt I had to keep my options open (Neuro is still an area of fascination to me but not so much with the INTENSE LEVEL of physiology and pharmacology that I was doing at Bristol. Yes bits of it were good and interesting but that degree was ridiculous and, again, I felt far more drawn towards the behavioural studies and psychology when researching into Universities). I ended up getting 3 offers, 1 interview for Cambridge and 1 rejection (ironically from Bristol, even with my recommendation/support being from my previous personal tutor at Bristol!) - so I suddenly had options. And then the offer from the degree apprenticeship came through and there were even more options to choose from.

It honestly felt so surreal (and still does).

In the end, after a lot of thinking and debating and researching and talking, I decided to withdraw my University application and I accepted the degree apprenticeship role. Overall it is such an incredible opportunity that I knew I couldn't turn down, whereas University will always be there. I am actually getting a little excited about it (as well as extremely nervous, but I must say that the company has made a really positive/good impression thus far, even as far as creating MH podcasts with a psychologist for us and offering things like zoom baking sessions!).

So what is this degree apprenticeship? In short, it is a 3 year course during which I will have a Monday to Friday job at the company (for which the office is actually commutable from home - it is about 1hrs drive, which is not the best but it does mean that I can stay at home for at least the first year and there is a train I could get if I was too tired to do the drive all the time. As much as staying at home is not my long term plan it might help with the transition back to work/education to have a bit of stability and the support). During the first 2 years at the company we do four separate 6 month rotations in different areas to get lots of experience (marketing, supply chain, sales etc) whilst in the final year you get to put in a preference for where you would like to work for the year long placement. During this, every 6 or 7 weeks, we have to spend a week at University (which is not in commutable distance at all so the the company pays for our accommodation, travel and food during this time). As far as I have been told, we also get time during the working week allocated to do Uni work as well as our standard 'desk' jobs. Oh and not to mention one of the biggest sellers for degree apprenticeships....the company is basically sponsoring you so pays ALL of your tuition fees PLUS a basic salary! This means that you come out, in this case, with a Chartered business management degree, 3 years of hands-on work experience, as well as you being pretty much guaranteed a job within the company AND no student debt!!! How incredible is that? PLUS one big perk of the job is that they allow dogs in the office - I mean how could I say no to that?!!!!

So yes, by some magical miracle I actually have a job lined up for September! It still doesn't feel real and I am yet to fully process it. They don't know how it will be affected by COVID but the company did continue the programme last year (unlike some that postponed) so fingers crossed all should be going ahead. I have 'met' the other 4(?) who are on the scheme at my office as well and they seem lovely (including one other person who is my age/slightly older - which was such a relief as I was worried about it being only people just out of college).

I realise that it is going to be tough, I do not underestimate that at all, but I couldn't let anorexia still yet ANOTHER life milestone and opportunity away from me. There was a lot of questioning as to whether I should take it or not; I went back and forth between many spreadsheets that I made but I think this opportunity far outweighs going back to University. I have tried that route twice already and had to leave because of everything/haven't really coped (I think in some ways, being at Uni there is TOO MUCH free time and it allowed my perfectionism to run riot as I always felt like I was 'behind' in one way or another?). And that is not to mention that if I was going back to University, I would need to spend another 3-4 years studying, I would leave with little work experience or job in mind at the age of 29/30 with a mountain of debt.... And as I said before, I can always go back to University if I want to in the future/re train if I decide to, but this opportunity with a global company, well, this will never ever come my way again.

So yes that is my BIG BIG news. But I also have one more bit of news....

I'm getting a kitten. Yes, A KITTEN!!!!! I have so much more to say on this but for now you will have to wait and see. Photos will come when SHE does (a couple of weeks now)!!!

#personal #update #long #sorry I am no good at writing short posts anymore #well I never was #but this is my big news #TWO BITS OF BIG NEWS #ive still been baking and crocheting #and have taken up some gardening #and just generally trying to muddle through each day to be honest with you

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