#njnth

[keikakudori]

ooc.

god, i am genuinely not okay. like i am sitting here trying so hard not to cry over aizen fucking sousuke because of how he is in the blood war. i don't know how to put it beyond that he's lost that sense of presence he had before, prior to Deicide, that ... magnetic draw. like prior to this, when aizen was around, he was so -- PRESENT in the scenes. he was active. he was lively. there was that sense of him right then and there in those moments and he was literally such a charismatic man. even in Deicide, he was still ragingly passionate and full of emotion and life.

and i look at him now in the blood war and he's ... he isn't the same man. i know how insane it sounds but it's true. aizen's empty of emotion and energy. he's so tired. the slow blinking, the lack of emotion in his voice, the lack of that grandeur that so signified him as such a threat against the seireitei. he's lost all of it. he doesn't have that presence any longer. whether it's because of the loss of gin or his two years in solitary isolation (which is something that is absolutely horrific for anyone to go through; i have written a meta about it. i think solitary isolation for prisoners is fucking in humane.) or both, he's just not the same man anymore. he showed more contempt and emotion for yhwach than he has anything else and that's because yhwach offended him by trying to say "hey work for me."

now, he's sitting there and all but begging for shunsui to take the shot, to kill him, to just fucking end his life. aizen WANTS to die. i knew that he wanted to, i've been talking about it FOR LITERAL YEARS NOW, but to see it animated? to hear it in his voice? to sit and see that lack of himself and who he used to be? it's heartbreaking. it's genuinely heartbreaking. like cas and i have discussed that aizen does need gin at his side before but to see him, alone, with nothing but the power that he didn't want becoming even stronger? yes, i am miffed that they left out the line of renji commenting that aizen targeted himself with that kurohitsugi, but -- i think that was also a suicide attempt. i really do.

aizen wants to die. there's no ifs ands or buts about it. he is passively suicidal and actively hunting for a way to die. it's devastating. it's destroying me. he's not going to get better. you do not get better in solitary confinement. he's static. he's going through negative growth. he will not -- perhaps cannot -- be able to move on from where he is now. even at the end of bleach, he has nothing to him but a mere understanding and acceptance that things are the way they are and that he won't be getting out.

but he still wants to die and that's what kills me. he has no meaning to his life any more. he's lost everything. i don't count kaname as a loss because aizen made him that promise to kill him but i think that it fucked aizen up all the same to have to make that kind of promise, nevermind what it says about kaname. i miss @njnth so much. i miss talking about kaname with eli.

but more glaring is that this all began with the penultimate moment of Deicide. i will never say that ichigo defeated aizen. gin did that. ichigo was just cleaning up the aftermath. aizen lost the moment that he was felled by kamashini no yari. this? al of this? this is just the echoes of that day. he's just an echo of who he used to be.

and i'm not okay about it at all.

[txchikaze]

Sex values

--- “...Hn.”

Stolen from: @hirako5hinji​ 

Tagging: @kazeshinigami (gotta compare of course hah), @viciousvizard @hanabiira @aariose @cirsiu-m @xyuuken/@njnth @ujinoko​ 

[wargod]

two mimir @njnth / @xyuuken

[kenpxchi]

Name:  tousen kaname / @njnth Age:  ???? 500+? How well do we know each other?:  at this point, very. after the development postwar, kenpachi's definitely among the few people who knew kaname most. there are things about kaname that only kenpachi's privy to, particularly his transformation and journey postwar, since ken has, by some miracle, been there the entire time since the very beginning. Do you have a pet name for me?:  ken Do I have a pet name for you?:  he still shivers when ken as much as calls him "kaname." like he couldn't believe it. Are you attracted to me?:  very Why do you want to marry me?:  kaname doesn't exactly have marriage on the forefront of his mind. he never thought he would, frankly. he's not of noble birth, doesn't have a family or bloodline to carry, and his life and circumstances overall just make marriage one of the last things he thinks about. he still doesn't think about it. but if it's in the sense of a proclamation of devotion and affection, he very much wants kenpachi to know that he's entirely committed to him. Big wedding or Small wedding?:  small. he's a fugitive presumed dead. those who know he's alive are supposed to act like they don't. a big wedding might fly in the face of that. though i'm sure yumichika would find a way to make it all fancy and elegant. Do you see children in our future?: yachiru is their child

@njnth

approved. they just exchange vows on a walk in the woods, with only nature and each other in attendance. they don’t need anything else.

and yachiru. yachiru demands to be flower girl and just sprinkles petals wherever they go.

[deivorous]

@njnth​

"I almost hate you more than Aizen-sama."

One day, Grimmjow might learn when it's better to just keep his mouth shut and walk away, but that ain't today.

" 'Almost' only cuz at least you’re a fucker but at least you’re an honest one."

[senkaimon]

❓+ if it's up to sajin, how would he like things to turn out with kaname?

SEND ❓+ A QUESTION AND MY MUSE WILL ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

@njnth.

          “...  All that I can ask for is that he finds peace.”  How things turned out between them was based upon that,  Sajin believed.  If Kaname did not find peace,  there was no future together for either one of them.  Too much pain,  too much hurt and distrust   -   the ideological differences that they both held kept them at a distance.  Perhaps then,  it could be true for himself too.  If he did not find his own semblance of peace,  and true peace  ( not what he forced himself to show to the rest of the world ),  then how could he accept these differences too?

          Late in the evening,  when the world was entirely still for a moment,  Sajin had also considered the very likely possibility that even the friendship between the two of them had never been meant to be.  Their entire relationship had been built on lies and borrowed time.  Perhaps it was only right for him to let it go...  No matter how much it hurt to do so.  He was strong,  he could withstand...  He could fake it for everyone else’s sake as he always had.

          “What comes,  comes.  What doesn’t was never meant to be.”

[monkifuraibo]

clear the air for the suspicious doc. and kaname if he has any thoughts about shuuhei's cap lol

For the doctor:

--- "Uhh.. I don't think yer suppose ta intimidate a student like that... That's all." He has to attempt to keep his cover, right? Can't very well come up with other grievances he might have..

As for Kaname:

--- "I don't think you were wrong, per se.. Knowin' more'f th'full story now. But.. Ya went about it completely wrong, an' ya hurt my best friend. I can't fergive that. I suffered too. I lost people too. Ya don't see me manipulatin' and murderin' just 'cause I can now that I have gained power.."

[hirako5hinji]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 (𝐏𝐓. 𝟏) [ Accepting | X ]

@xyuuken​​​/@njnth​​ asked:

(kaname) " try me. "

               “ ...Try you, Tousen? Whatever for? ” 

          His gaze lies calm and placid as he regards the other man. There is a marked lack of anger, not even a smidgen of resentment or pity in his tone and demeanor. He is a mirror, reflecting the other’s dispassionate detachment. 

               “ I’ve already gotten a clear measure of what yer made of a hundred years ago...and there still ain’t any substance of particular note in there, even now. ”

          A man who does not hesitate to turn on his own squad, a man who is willing to raise his blade to silence his own comrades, a man of vast faithlessness who will resort to harming and destroying the innocent in order to achieve his selfish goals...isn’t the kind of individual whose ideations Shinji is interested in. 

               “ Are ya tryin’a prove otherwise? ”

[kazeshinigami]

❤️ for kaname

SEND  ❤️ AND MY MUSE WILL LIST SOMETHING THEY LIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

“Your patience has always drawn my profound respect and admiration, taichou. There must be more times than I can count when it would have been far easier to give up on a recruit like myself.” Stupid, floundering, traumatized little thing that he was (still is, really). “You have always taken the time to guide me when I am lost. I would not be the man I am today without you. I can never repay your kindness, but nevertheless I intend to try.”

( @njnth )

[keikakudori]

I can't believe Aizen isn't attracted to BB Kaname's massive claws. And here I thought he was a monsterfucker 😔

out.

oh, don't get me wrong; aizen is a monsterfucker though he won't admit it openly or easily. it's just that he's not attracted to kaname, not the way he is to shinji or gin. do i think there's a strong possibility that aizen and kaname could've slept together? sure. we know that kaname would do pretty much anything that aizen wants him to do. but that doesn't appeal to aizen. he prefers challenges in terms of attraction and for someone that he finds attractive, they have to challenge him in some fashion. kaname just doesn't do that. do i think that he would sleep with kaname?

... yeah, possibly. it depends.

the time that would occur is most likely the period after shinji's been left in exile. kaname would be, as callous as it is to say, aizen's rebound. it's cold-blooded to put it that way, but that is simply how it is. and aizen has too much respect for him to do that. probably. i'm not saying it didn't happen and, in fact, i've discussed it over with @njnth over how it might have happened in this exact way. cue another secret that aizen would never tell gin. in general, however, i've never seen it happening. doesn't mean that aizen doesn't think kaname's hot in general, though. like he absolutely does. and he does look at kaname's beyond bankai form and it's a brrrrr kind of thought. but kaname's just too willing to fold himself into whatever he thinks aizen wants of him. so that removes all chances of anything more intimate to a large extent.

[txchikaze]

🖊 dealers choice

|| @njnth (dont think this should come as a surprise hah)

[wargod]

❝ there is more about you than appears on the surface. ❞ from kaname / @njnth being perceptive

MEME ) …        no longer accepting !!   @xyuuken / @njnth

“  You think so?  ”  They inquire kindly. Their voice airy and cheerful as ever. Something about the tone implied flippantness, one ear and out the other. But it’s not that they did not hear or is not listening, because they are, always. Dawa’s demeanor tends to send an opposite message though. Often to their chagrin but in the company of this man they feel more confident in being understood. Didn’t even pause from crawling around in the dirt and brambles when Kaname spoke. Hand after hand after hand sifting through grass and twigs and fallen leaves. “  That’s flattering!  ”  Dawa exclaimed while simultaneously uprooting a rather large wild tuber. Between various carrots and roots that could be rutabaga or turnips or oca, they all taste fairly similar to them. Therefore all of them were good enough to eat! The one they ripped from the ground was larger than expected and ended in their bottom hitting the ground behind with a light ‘ OOF! ’ And what the monk was wearing certainly wasn’t proper attire for manual labor and foraging. 

“  Back home most everyone thinks of me as a simpleton!~  ”  Again spoken with an unnecessary brevity. Once again finding purchase on their feet Dawa collected the vegetables in their billowing sleeves. Intricately woven robes would now need to be deep cleaned of grass stains and mud. Looking as the mess they’ve made of themself Dawa’s expression did curdle like milk. Sour and nearly huffy but it simmered just as quickly as it came. More so upset at their lack of forethought. But a smile returned once they looked back at the man.

“  But it’s nice though, to be recognized like that~ I mean I know I am made of much more! Everyone is. But it’s still stinks to be treated like a one - trick - yak.  ” They use a clean part of their outer robe to wipe away accumulating sweat from their brow.  “  Because when they think of you in such narrow terms then suddenly you don’t matter at all! Like a paper doll stand - in for a person laid flat against the wall. Hmph~  ”  A harrumph that’s mimicked by a nearby bovine, a royally adorned yak grazing some ways away but still in earshot. 

Dawa shuffled out of the brush. “  Although it makes me curious what you felt was more about me.  ”  they continued with a hum, two hands now shifting their garb and removing baubles and dangling bits that should have been removed before. “  Oh, and would you mind if I undressed a little? Just by half! It’s occurred to me too late I probably should not have gotten these so filthy~  ”

[kenpxchi]

TRUTH + what is something that you're afraid to tell kaname?

“i’m not afraid to tell him anything. if he asks, i’ll let him know, simple as that.”

There’s a pause as he considers his next words.

“...what worries me is that what i say could disappoint him. he’s taken an interest in me, an’ i’m grateful for that. i’ll be honest with him. he deserves honest answers. but i just hope those honest answers are... enough for him.

i don’t wanna disappoint.”

[deivorous]

Anonymous Asked: That purple haired Shinigami girl seems to like you a lot, Grimmjow. What do you think about that?

"Purple haired shinigami girl????" Very confusing. Who in the hell would chose to like him? “Pretty sure any shinigami I know would prefer t’ kill me.”

{ @dokvhana @midnightactual @njnth}

[senkaimon]

i’m glad i learned your  true feelings  first.  @njnth

[monkifuraibo]

--- @xyuuken​ said: the fishy for kaname... you draw him so beautifully || I looked for a fishy for him for so long and then it struck me....... Eagle ray !