#nix's random posts

[theend1shere]

and yet again i am getting hooked on tragic yuri. sigh...

[theend1shere]

yeah, there's a picture of that!!

specifically here:

Hai, have u ever been on television?

Uhmmmm i think i was in a short film thing in 2011 but i don't like thinking about the dark times

...

[tmi-fanbl0g]

Ok,so,little thing that I thought at the beginning of the lost book of the white.

So..in the frist chapter,Ragnor was acting a little bit crazy,and for me and for myself,it was a similiar scene to that one time that Aldous Nix,in the Bane Chronicles,tried to create a portal to the pandemonium using the Hotel Dumort.

Now,Ragnor wasn't trying to make a portal straight to hell,ofc,but the level and type of madness reminded me too much of Aldous,and if all this thinking of mine was canon, I would also have liked to see Magnus' reaction and thoughts about the scene being all too familiar.

"I think I have seen this movie before,and I didn't like the ending"

[godzexperiment]

this hellsite error screened me for an moment '-' *update* it's really pitching an fit wow! (also seems to be mostly dash related so -glares at the fucked up ui changes etc- guess they're messing with it more, making it worst? fixing it who knows)

[godzexperiment]

He paused to unfold an corner of his leather jacket. Failing to notice the mess. Stepping in it, not even an slip due to how he tended to move and his heavy boots. Noticing when his boot lifted up and then almost hit mess free space. Face visible puzzling over it; until somebody who was heading out- slid on it. Reflexes fast to catch them and steady them both so didn't fall over. Quickly offering an wet wipe from his bag for them to wipe off their shoes. Sound of them leaving while he wiped his boots down as an employee who noticed came running over.

Moving out of the way, up to the counter and not thinking much of it. Ordering before yawning into the crook of his arm. Chunk of cash into the charity fund jar. Before leaning against an out of the way wall. Just taking in the atmosphere, all the conversations he didn't really want to overhear but would and would always remember.

She didn’t give up her mission to make his life a living hell. Everywhere she went, she kept an eye out for him. She considered traveling around to try and find him sooner, but she knew that would just take longer. That could end up with her always in the wrong place, while if she just stayed here he would eventually show up. 

Rose was enjoying a chai tea with honey in on of her favorite spots; she was just working on editing a book she had to get turned in by the end of the week. Occasionally, she would find herself glancing up at the other patrons, finding their comings and goings interesting. It wasn’t until she saw a familiar face approaching the cafe from through the wall made of windows. She, quickly and without thinking, threw an illusion over herself to make her appear to have mousy brown hair, brown eyes, and all of her physical features changed--she was even 6 inches taller. 

When he entered the cafe, she manifested slick olive oil just in front of the door. She was sure once one person fell--hopefully him--the employees would clean it up so there was no worry of some bystander slipping and falling. Hopefully, of course. There’s no way he could expect this. 

[baphometsss]

We need to talk about spirit hand!Inquisitor

I've been trying to put this into words for a while but it's really tricky to explain. I'm gonna try anyway bc I feel like it's an important discussion to have

First though, a disclaimer: I'm not physically disabled. Everything I'm about to say is based on me trying to relate through my own experiences of mental illness, the experiences of a disabled family member who uses a prosthetic leg, and research into how to write disabled characters properly in my own personal projects (thanks to cripplecharacters blog for helping me understand it better!) So, you know, you can take it or leave it--and please feel free to add your own experiences! This isn't a call out post or anything, I'm just trying to put my thoughts into words and start a conversation in good faith

The problem with fanworks where the inquisitor's wooden prosthetic is replaced by a magic/spirit hand is that it falls into a really tiresome trope where the character has the limb replaced with a magical prosthetic that essentially nixes the disability entirely. It's called the Cool Robot Arm or Perfect Prosthetic trope and it plays into disability erasure in a big way. This is pretty frustrating when you know having a limb amputated is a big deal that comes with a lot of pain and long-term effects, even if the amputation procedure itself was free of complications. Prosthetics are also basically a whole thing of their own, but suffice to say they also come with their risks and problems as well.

The thing with representation is that it needs to reflect real life experiences if its going to approach anything good or meaningful. Video games like Dragon Age often attempt to do this, but they also often miss the mark. I know a lot of disabled (and able-bodied) people want to see better representation of disability in media, but when that fails, we have the opportunity to do better in our fanworks. It feels like a lot DAI/DATV fanworks jump into the magical prosthetic trope far too easily and without very much thought for how it negatively impacts that representation. The Inquisitor becomes disabled through losing their left hand, and that would be a complicated journey for them. This is not a part of their character that can be written away without losing a huge part of their story--regardless of how we role-play them.

For me personally, I try to balance it out by being realistic about both the prosthetic, the spirit hand, and the remaining limb. For example, prosthetics rub and cause blisters and other skin conditions. They can be bulky and heavy and cause musculoskeletal problems. Residual limb pain is thing and can be chronic and debilitating. Learning to use a prosthetic usually requires physical therapy, and some people just prefer not to use prosthetics at all, or only some of the time or for specific tasks. Much of the discourse around prosthetics is focused on making them indistinguishable from a natural limb, when practicality and comfort should really be the focus and not this ableist idea that differently limbed people should want a prosthetic that looks identical to the one that was lost. There are so many potential stories that can be written about this experience, yet we almost never see any of them. My mage Inquisitor has a spirit hand, but she doesn't use it much because it's difficult to maintain both that and use offensive magic in battle, and she doesn't have the mental energy to use it 100% of the time. It's also not that easy to use, even when she does have the energy. She only really uses it occasionally anyway (usually to make random shapes with it to amuse other people) and prefers her prosthetic.

To put it another way--consider how deaf/HoH people who get cochlear implants often continue to use sign language afterwards anyway, even if the procedure was successful. This is because a. it's their first language, which means verbal language is a new language to them and b. gaining hearing after a long period without it can be extremely difficult to adjust to. It can be overwhelming and even painful. The point is that just because aids and treatments exist, it doesn't mean that they're a one size fits all and each individual person will have their own journey in figuring it out. That's one of the things we should be writing about, rather than just nixing it away with a magic limb because it's the easier route and it doesn't require us to consider writing outside of our own experiences. And don't get me wrong, I get that it's scary. You don't wanna upset people with your writing or make them feel even more alienated. But you have to start somewhere and be willing to listen to criticism if you're going to get better.

Furthermore: ableism for sure exists in Thedas. Can you imagine how that would affect the Inquisitor? How they'd adjust from being revered as the Herald of Andraste with a divine mark on their hand to being almost killed by it? How their political enemies would use their disability against them? How they would be affected emotionally by having to deal with that ableism potentially for the first time? Would they find community among other veterans who have become disabled through conflict? Or would they isolate themselves and carry the burden alone? Would they experience mental health issues because of it? These are all examples of how ableism affects real people. Of course, none of this is negated by the spirit hand, but it's something I've seen very little attention given in fanworks.

For me personally, I also try to think of this through my own experiences of mental illness. I have chronic depression/Dysthymia, which is not exactly the same as clinical depression. It follows similar patterns to other mood disorders like Bipolar Disorder in that it's cyclical; my baseline is being moderately depressed, and then every 2 or 3 months I will go into 'double depression' which is where I experience an intensification of symptoms that mimic going into an initial depressed state, while aggravating the symptoms I already have. It's hard to explain it, but suffice to say, it requires me to take medication to control it. I don't like it, but it's the way my brain is wired up and I've been told by multiple professionals that I will always have to take medication for it (antidepressants and antipsychotics, although I don't take the antipsychotics atm). This medication causes a variety of annoying side effects that I have to accept as a trade off so I don't regress too far.

This is just one of the mental health conditions I have to contend with, but it's one that probably effects my life the most. I know it's not comparable to amputation or other physical disabilities and I'm not trying to say it is. But I use it to understand writing for disabled characters by, in conjunction with my research, empathising, by thinking of how much it would bother me if someone wrote about my life and did everything they could to ignore this very prominent part of who I am. I would have to ask why they were so keen to ignore it. Dysthymia doesn't define me, it's not something I'm 'proud' of per se, but it does affect a big part of my life; I've struggled with it every day since I was 10 or 11--so of course it's shaped who I am. I use it to imagine how frustrating it would be if someone tried to cover up or negate this part of me and then dressed it up with something like... idk. Magical anti-depression goggles or something, or worse still decided to make my story all about the goggles. It would make me feel like I wasn't a person with experiences worth writing about, that I would be fine if it weren't for this illness I undeniably have and can't help having. That my illness is akin to a personality flaw--an ableist assumption that Dysthymia sufferers in particular have to deal with, because it's a depression that does not go away and people think it's just our personality rather than an illness.

I personally found these posts x x x really helpful in figuring out how to write my inquisitor. Tbh cripplecharacters is invaluable anyway, especially their 'magic aids' tag for writing Inky. I really strongly recommend that you read them before writing about your inquisitor's prosthetic and their perspective on losing their arm. Listening to actual disabled people when writing disabled characters is the most important part of the process and it'll only make your work better. You really have nothing to lose by doing it.

Like I said, I'm not trying to call anyone out. I have most likely missed the mark just in writing this post, because it's not my personal experience. I do think the spirit hand is a cool concept. It's just not a quick fix and writing about it needs to be done more consciously than I think most people do.

[mai-komagata]

fyi poll at the end! for people who like clicking buttons.

im gonna do a thought exercise here, this is not me getting my hopes up. im very much on team amazon is a bunch of cowards

ok if i were take the showrunners at their word that there is a queer character and i further assume it wont be a posthumous confirmation AND it wont be a love triangle situation (characters can be bisexual, but im assuming if they are in a current het relationship or have a current or future on screen love interest im nixing them. subtext doesnt count either as a het or queer relationship).

im not assuming that them being queer means they will have a queer romance but im assuming they will have some setting appropriate reveal. (even if it is like "oh they are not the marrying kind")

cool who is left here:

halfling storyline:

nori -- she can be a lesbian even if poppy is not. if she is made into a frodo or bilbo character that never marries suspiciously and just hangs out with gandalf. they'd just need to give her some hera hammerhand style lines of never wanting to marry a man or something. or introduce new lady hobbits.

gandalf - technically possible although my skeptical meter is at 100% i dont want to nix it entirely but just fyi i dont believe this.

everyone else either actively seems to be pursuing someone or has a partner or is too minor a character for me to believe their sexuality would be mentioned.

dwarf storyline

narvi -- good candidate to be honest if he stays in the show.

humans (numenoreans ++)

theo -- sure good possibility, good cover to wait til he is older for a reveal.

isildur + estrid, earien + kemen, miriel + elendil all being excluded. dead people (rip bronwyn, valandil) also not counted.

ar pharazon -- previous wife seems dead and i dont see them trying to do a book accurate marriage to tar miriel. honestly would be an L for bisexual representation.

orcs, adar, evil southlanders

not counted on account of being dead. adar insufficiently explicit in s2 and i dont see a gay reveal flashback (but def would make many people very happy. it would just be random)

elves

gil galad -- sure.

cirdan -- has the right vibes

everyone else dead or married or will be married or too in love with someone dead.

and of course

sauron -- hope springs eternal for you to do something overtly sexual and queer. :) i am in the "neither gandalf or sauron will show overt interest in someone in the show on account of their angelic nature" but a girl can dream.

what do you think? assuming they arent lying, who is queer that we have met AND they would say explicitly?

fyi pls make your own post for negativity. i want to live in delulu land for a bit. the world is harsh out there and i want this discourse to seem possible rather than an impossible ask.

[tweenlove-n-hate]

Thanks for taking the initiative and time to organise the Gelphie Big Bang! Must be a lot of work behind the scenes to orchestrate this. I can’t wait to see all the amazing artwork and fics that will surely come from this.

I wanted to ask if we would be getting an update on the Scientific Study of Destiny anytime soon? Also, out of curiosity do you have any ideas for future Gelphie fics once the fic ends?

Hello hello!

Thanks for the ask and thanks for the well wishes on the event. It has been going very well. Over the weekend the @gelphiebigbang2025 surpassed 150 sign ups for the event. Which is 3x as many people as I thought would participate! If you haven't already followed the account(s), you should! Over the next 6 months there should be some cool things posted. The more people that follow the account(s), the further the posts will go for the writers and artists when the reveals go live in October!

Now, on to The Scientific Study of Destiny -- I will have an update sometime this week. I'm not sure when though. Might be over the weekend. Last chapter caused a little rift in my plans for Chapter 11 (aka Chapter 10). That I need to fix before it can go live.

Now for my Gelphie WIPs that I haven't posted but am working on:

Soulmate fics:

Elphaba's POV from The Scientific Study of Destiny - I have this mapped out pretty well and half a chapter written for it. But I need to finish the first story before I can commit to this one.

Soulmate Potion - an idea someone mentioned in a comment in The Scientific Study of Destiny. I've already got three pages written for it.

Blinded by Your Color - Seeing color for the first time Gelphie version.

Your Name on my Skin - Gelphie soulmate marks having the name of your soulmate on your skin.

A Magical Mishaps happen series:

Gelphie Magic Baby/Pregnancy Fic - where the characters and readers won't know WHO the baby daddy is till the end.

(Love) Potion Gone Wrong --- Galinda just wants Elphaba to love her too. But it goes terribly wrong. Not to be confused with...

Lust Potion Gone Right -- think of this one like "sex pollen" / "sleep together or die"

Double Trouble -- Elphaba accidentally cast a spell meant to multiply the practice coin, but is distracted by Galinda and now there are TWO Galindas. (Galinda and Glinda)

Random Ideas:

Defying Gravity but DARK - Movie verse

After Part 2 -- Elphaba's Gift to Glinda -- Isn't just the Grimmerie but a baby - Book and Movie combination

Never ending One Short Day - Groundhog day style

Matching Making - Galinda thinks she's the BEST match maker. She's not.

Fake Dating -- NOT who you'd think would be fake dating ;-)

Kidnapping -- May nix this idea as a whole, not happy with it thus far.

As a rule, I do not post a multi-chapter fanfiction unless I am 85% of the way done with it. If I never reach that 85% done, I never post them. (I have three unfinished Yennaia fics living in my google drive along with half a dozen SuperCat fics and MirAndy fics). So, I have a LOT of ideas and I hope I'll have the time to get to them but I won't post them till I'm sure I'll finish them. Thanks so much for taking the time to send me an ask and for supporting The Scientific Study of Destiny! <3

[monodramatic-cannibal]

Monodrama ('skelesona' ref)

(reupload of his ref, but this time with info. More artwork)

He's my 'skelesona', but I treat him more like an mascot/oc. So he doesn't fully represent me, or my ideals.

More under cut, Will be adding to this post as I think of more stuff to add. (Me out here giving stories for my sonas)

Notes from first drawing (no particular order, and explained a bit more):

-Full name is 'Monodrama', but uses the nickname 'Mono'. -He/They/It -A 'parasite' using a skeleton doll/puppet as a body. Because of this his 'body' has ball joins like a doll. His movements can even -Always wears hat, shadow covers his face most of the time with the hat on. -Has a collar which is optional for him to wear -Has arm bands/straps, as well as multiple belts which the belts have more straps attached to them. -His shirt has an open back, no particular reason for this, other than him being able to use features he's stolen from others. (will explain more for the second drawing) -Features he's stolen from others e.g. rabbit tail/ears or skeletal tail and horns. Other features can be drawn on him too. -Has two types of ecto, yellow for his tongue/mouth, but for his main body he has white with a rainbow reflection. -Wears gold over any other type of metal.

Notes from second drawing (no particular order, and explained a bit more):

-His 'true form'. Is goopy (almost like Nightmare, Or Venom ((from marvel))). And his 'head' is snake-like. -Can change to whatever shape he wants to be. Can grow to the size of a large dog, but can't go much bigger than that. -A being of 'negativity', feeds off of negative emotions (like Nightmare), but prefers 'shock'/'surprise' over pure negativity. Other things he can feed off of is a host's 'life force', or just straight up eat the host from the inside out. -If he eats someone, host or not, he will gain a random trait/feature from them. Either it be a monster's magic, or a specific cosmetic look e.g. how Mono has horns he took from a monster that had horns. Too ad to this, if he is using a host, he can then give that host's body those traits while he is using them, e.g. in the drawing where he's given Nix horns, and also combined his under eye markings colours with Nix's. -Prefers to take hosts with weak minds, as he finds it easier to gain control over them. Hosts with stronger minds will take more mental fighting. Can speak to the host inside their minds, and the hosts can speak back via their minds. Hosts that know Mono may feel comfortable enough to give Mono more control for one reason or another. e.g. Someone like Nix may give Mono more control to help him fight. -Also prefers hosts that have easy access to take over. e.g. skeleton monsters via their eye sockets/etc. He doesn't just go for skeletons, could be other types of monsters. -Despite Mono being able to take hosts, he prefers to stick with his 'main body' which is is puppet/doll body. He doesn't really like to share his things, so likes to stick to his own body. -Neither good or bad, whatever side lets him put on the 'best performance' is the one he will side with. Or whatever is the funniest side to join.

Extra stuff (no particular order):

-Was created when a scientist was trying to bring someone back from the dead, was imbued with the negative emotions, leading to him being a being of negativity. This scientist still took him as their own. But the other scientists in the lab strongly disliked Mono (who didn't have a name at the time). They preferred another creation one with bright yellow eyes. After a while Mono's scientist gave him the puppet body, trying to help Mono to fit in better, but others found Mono creepy due to his lack of eyes. Mono's scientist later died in a freak accident, leaving Mono alone with the scientists that disliked him. They left Mono alone with their adored creation the one with the bright yellow eyes. Mono in an effort to be adored by the scientists and grieving his 'parent' devoured the other creation, gaining their signature yellow eyes. But this act had the opposite effect, them now fearing what Mono was capable of, and the fact he completely disregarded life, tried to contain him. Which Mono not wanting to be locked away, fought back, devouring some of the scientists, gaining more traits and magics which helped him escape. Through the constant taking of others traits/magics/etc he found himself with the ability to travel to different aus. He'd later be given the name 'Monodrama', due to his dramatics and the fact he normally acted alone.

-Can be drawn with other features e.g. wings different tails or horns, different eyes, etc. Just as long as they follow his colour palette e.g. blacks, greys, whites and yellows. Can also be drawn with any sort of weapon too, e.g. summons he's gotten as the magic powers from monsters. -smug bastard. Normally seen grinning showing teeth. Basically is not doing himself any favours in looking nice/approachable. -Does have people he gets along with, though some he doesn't consider friends. Most he just gets along with because they can offer him something e.g. the opportunities to put on a good performance.

Boundaries(?)/stuff I am okay with:

-I am 100% okay with people drawing Mono, this includes Mono as different monster types (e.g. in different hosts). I am also 100% okay with people drawing their sonas/ocs/other characters with Mono as well. I'm also okay with Mono being drawn in different outfits, would prefer him to follow his colour palette, but I am still okay with other colours been drawn. I'm fine with people drawing/writing their ocs/sonas/etc being a host for Mono, with any added features from Mono (as long as those added features follow Mono's colour palette.) (e.g. like I did with my oc Nix in the second drawing) -A lot of the time I draw Mono in an unserious way/looking goofy, I am okay with people doing the same with him. Mono is a character I don't take seriously at all.

-Any asks directed at me, will be directed at Mono. I don't really use any indications between sona Mono and oc Mono. But as stated at the top 'He's my 'skelesona', but I treat him more like an mascot/oc. So he doesn't fully represent me, or my ideals.'. So for example, Mono being a 'cannibal' is not something I agree with lol. And I'm not as dramatic as him in rl either. If your wanting a more clear cut asking experience directly talking to me as a person you can send asks to me on my main account which is @cryingbluez

-I DON'T want anyone shipping Mono with anyone, mainly cause Mono is a sona, so unless your a close friend, or I've made several jokes myself about being shipped with a character, I would prefer no one to ship Mono with anyone.

[theend1shere]

2d Alien Thing <3

[corellianhounds]

You know, I WAS joking about Jaina Solo in that poll post but can you imagine if they hadn’t nixed her from canon and Disney just kept doing the Tired Surrogate Dad/Guardian™ + kid story they’ve been doing and had instead had itty bitty Jaina Solo kidnapped, either meeting Boba Fett by random chance as he’s gunning down whoever it is that ransomed her, or Han and Leia specifically hiring Boba Fett to go find her. One of those chance meetings where these two characters cross paths once and then never see each other again until decades later when Jaina goes to him as an adult for training because she needs to be able to fight Jacen

I’ve never thought that Luke should be trying to build a Jedi school directly after the events of the original trilogy. They should have realistically known that there were going to be Imperials that needed to be found and defeated after the end of the war, it’s not like those structures suddenly stop existing, so Luke is off on whatever mission he’s doing as the resident Jedi, killing imperials and blowing up their resources or whatever

Leia’s helping run the New Republic. Han and Lando have their own roles. Jaina ends up kidnapped, Han and Chewie take off in pursuit. Leia obviously sends a more official group of guards out searching but Han was already halfway out the door, and he and Chewie’s pasts provide them with a bit more unscrupulous avenues of gaining info

Boba Fett just happened to be tracking whatever criminals kidnapped Jaina and just happens to intercept them a few days after Jaina was nabbed; the criminals’ ship is damaged in a firefight between them but not completely destroyed, and Boba boards the ship and there’s a whole standoff between him and them based on whatever their beef is before he just wastes the guys

And then he’s picking through their stuff for whatever it is he was there for and— oh sh*t is that a kid

We see both sides of the story unfolding as they get closer and closer to colliding with one another; on one side we have the worst week of Han Solo’s life and YES he’s counting being frozen in carbonite and waking up in Jabba’s Palace. Just sheer terror at what could happen to her, not knowing where she is, using every old trick and contact and criminal means necessary trying to find the kidnappers. Chewie having to stop him at one point as he’s just carving his way through anyone standing between them, needing to rein him in, make Han realize he needs a clear head and can’t lose his focus and snap right now. The two of them mowing through criminals and obstacles and us getting to see a more serious, intimidating side to Han, all the charm and levity gone from his interactions because this time he’s the one in pursuit, not the one running away, and what he’s trying to find is more important to him than anything else

Meanwhile Boba’s chilling (though somewhat put off by, y’know, the presence of a whole kindergarten-aged child) and trying to figure out who this kid belongs to so he can return them. Calling up Mando like “Hey you’ve got a kid, right? Can I pay you to watch this one until I figure out where she goes?” And Mando’s like “uh well ordinarily yes but I AM on a job right now and also Bo-Katan is still trying to kill me. Also why do you have a kid? Do I congratulate you or what’s the deal”

So Boba’s stuck with her because he doesn’t know who else he would trust this kid to besides Fennec, who is at the moment holding down the fort on Tatooine which is just where he would be staying with the kid anyway if he went there. Jaina chattering away and asking questions about the ship, poking through stuff she shouldn’t. Fett realizing he should probably lock the weapon’s locker just in case and will you please get down from there, you’re messing up my ship

Anyway. Adventure shenanigans, Fett eventually coming around to the kid’s charm and tenacity, either going back to his base of operations to do some research and stock up on supplies (meaning Jaina’s there on Tatooine getting a front row view of said wretched hive of scum and villainy, oh hey is that a rancor—?), or him sticking it out while he’s on the road because he was already out running errands, killing people and getting work done, the kid’s just gonna have to wait and tag along. What? Jango did it with him, she’ll be fine.

Either option has great story and character opportunities whether they’re on Tatooine or out exploring in the greater galaxy. Boba ends up figuring out who she is (because of course he does, he’s one of the greatest bounty hunters who ever lived) and Han figures out who now has her, inevitably leading to the collision course these two were on from the start

[pfctipper]

this post is only half-serious but i am constantly thinking about whatever weird body image issues dick winters had going on

i mean, the man is obsessed. look at how he talks about joining the paratroops:

'The more I looked at the paratroopers, the more I was inclined to join them as soon as I graduated from OCS. Of all the outfits I'd seen at Fort Benning, they were the best looking and most physically fit ... Airborne troopers looked like how I had always pictured a group of soldiers: hard, lean, bronzed, and tough' (Beyond Band of Brothers)

'It was at Benning that Winters first saw paratroopers up close. They were everything he'd always envisioned a soldier to be: lean, hard, well trained and disciplined, bronzed and tough. The men bore a fierce pride' (Biggest Brother)

and the main things he values in his friendship with tab:

'Later [Floyd Talbert and I] developed a personal friendship that transcended rank. Talbert was athletic and dedicated. You knew if your life were on the line, he would come through'

and he's always mentioning it in his letters to deetta - this isn't even all of them from Hang Tough:

'Is cheese fattening? What a question! What's cheese made out of? Well, is milk and butter fattening? Ok, then, stay away from the cheese, eat more proteins, like that steak, but no carbohydrates' (Letter during basic training)

'Now if you want to take off weight, you must do it every day and in addition, take it easy on the chow and liquid intake. After about two or three weeks, if you've been real conscientious, you'll see some results. This may sound like a lot of bunk to you but there are few days when I don't run between two - two and a half miles, do 80 pushups, 60 situps on a footlocker, a couple of splits, and some leg and trunk exercises after the day's work is over. As a result I keep in pretty good shape' (Letter literally written at the airfield a week before Market Garden)

'I don't believe out of 600 men [in Second Battalion] that over 10 have been married. And in about 6 cases, they drew a lemon, I'd say. Something that should come with a sack where they really wear a hat ... Starting to get in pretty good shape again, 174. Just ten pounds off my fighting weight and I could make that in three, four days. How's your fighting form? Don't answer that' (Letter from Austria)

all of which is an objectively insane way to speak to your maybe-girlfriend. did he think this was flirting? was deetta thrilled to get weight loss advice and comments about how random english women were ugly from a man in the middle of a warzone

he manages to include multiple shirtless photos of himself in his books but not a single physical description of nix. even the random man who picks him up hitchhiking and then tries to pick him up gets called 'good-looking'. irene, nix's english wife, gets 'anything but beautiful' and 'skinny' which. dick. what is wrong with you

[oh-phoenixx]

intro post !

-

hi !! my name isn't actually phoenix, but i like using it on here. you can also call me phoe or nix :) my pronouns are he/him, i'm trans ftm and audhd.

marauders stuff:

i've liked the marauders for three years, they take up my life lmao (i have a marauders-inspired tattoo).

my main ships: jegulus, wolfstar, marylily, dorlene, rosekiller, and pebill.

kins: evan, remus, peter

i write microfics, i draw but idk if i'll post any of it, and i like to talk about my random opinions and headcanons. i post them here because i don't have many friends who like the marauders, and i feel like i'm going to scream when i don't talk about these things lmao.

if you don't agree with something i say or a headcanon i have, i'm happy to discuss it, as long as you remain civil. i'm not interested in arguing over these things and i will just stop replying if i feel you're being rude.

non-marauders related stuff:

my hyperfixations/special interests: percy jackson, will and james, greek mythology, good omens, b99, dead poets society, and more.

music: big thief/adrianne lenker, mitski, kevin atwater, jake minch, noah kahan, hozier (seen him live), radiohead, bowie, the beatles, harry styles, james marriott (seen him live), the front bottoms.

i play guitar, draw, and write.

i'll probably only post in english, but i'm fluent in spanish as well, just less confident with it. i live in spain but it's my second language and i speak it less and less these days. pero es lo que es, háblame en español si quieres.

my tags:

microfics

phoe's favs (my favourite microfics i've written)

marauders

phoe has thoughts

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here is my ao3

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i am firmly anti ai. there is no space for ai in fandom or any creative spaces, and if you use it you are promoting the stealing of people's work without credit.

[godzexperiment]

nix bored filling his boots tread with pebbles is 100% something he would do

[nikoniclove]

Hi, loving the new stories you have been posting!

I was wondering whether you might consider one, set really early in the 3, and Em and JJ try taking another to bed, and their conversation afterwards where they realise that strangers are no longer 'it' for them - all they want is Ace?

I know there was a scene in one of your stories where JJ asks Em if she feels the same about Ace, but just wondering about the 'final' time they took a 'stranger' to bed.

Thankees xx

Here you go, my friend!

Emily is itching for control. Her feelings are out of whack. She can’t keep her well-manicured defenses poised and supported where their new teammate is concerned. It’s sending her for a loop, and she is not enjoying being so unsure about her own self. She can’t take it out on the young woman yet (or maybe ever). JJ is, at the moment, being an unhelpful pain in the ass. They’ve tried their usual bars where they like to pick up one night stands, but every option got nixed for one reason or another. It’s how they end up at the club looking for a single.

“I was hoping I would see you two back here again,” a young lady says with a smile. Emily is polite as she declines with the excuse that they’re not looking.

“What was wrong with her,” JJ asks, knowing full well what Emily won’t admit.

“Nothing. She’s fine, I’m sure. Just too forward for my taste tonight.”

“And you said I was being too picky,” she teases.

“Shut up,” Emily snips with a sharp roll of her eyes.

The girl they take back to a room is quieter. They approached her. It matters, Emily insisted under her breath. She says her name is Peyton, but neither of them intends to use her name, so it doesn’t matter. She’ll be called some random nickname - pet, darling, something like that. Names aren’t for this kind of space.

All things considered, it’s fine. They spend a few hours letting loose on someone who knows what to expect from two dominant partners in a room like that. It’s rough and controlling, and on any other night, it would have been what they needed, what Emily needed. That’s not how it works though. They go their separate ways. It’s fine.

The drive back to the apartment is silent. Dead silent. The keys in the lock jangle loudly in comparison. Emily goes off to take a shower almost immediately, and JJ flops onto the couch to stare at the ceiling. She texts Garcia about brunch plans and listens for the water to shut off. When Emily comes into the bedroom in her towel, JJ is waiting for her. “Jesus, you scared me.”

“We’ve got to talk about it.”

“We really don’t,” Emily denies, turning her back on her girlfriend.

“You put a stranger’s hair into a braid, Em. You have never once cared about a sub’s hair so long as it was out of your way, and that was the first thing you had her do once she was on her knees.”

“It’s easier to maneuver someone by a braid than a bunch of loose hair or a bun. That’s just efficiency.”

“Efficiency,” JJ repeats in disbelief. “Efficiency?”

“Like you’re one to talk. You vetoed every option at the bars. Every single one. One was too tall. One had a whiny voice. One gave you a weird vibe. No one was the right one.”

“That’s my point, Emily. We both know exactly who we were looking for. We know exactly who we wanted with us tonight, and it wasn’t some stranger with her hair in a braid for efficiency.”

Emily throws up her hands in frustration. “What do you want me to do about it, JJ? Ace is off limits. She’s new to the team. She’s impossibly young. Off limits.”

JJ sits cross-legged on the bed, watching Emily pace around the run, tension oozing from each stiff movement. She feels it too. A stranger doesn’t fit anymore. Now they know Ace; they’ve fantasized about her. It feels demanding in how much she craves it. “She doesn’t have to be. We’ve been flirting with her for months.”

“And she hasn’t returned a single one of those advances, Jen. If she was interested, she would have given us some sort of go-ahead.”

“The fact that Ace is letting me touch her at all is a go-ahead. You’ve seen how she is with everyone else on the team. She does not like people in her personal space, and she will relocate to get the space she needs. With us, she doesn’t do that. Neither of us. She lets us in her space.”

“That doesn’t equate to wanting a threesome with your older, partnered teammates. Because Ace allows you to be handsy does not mean she’s interested in this…”

“We won’t know unless we ask. If it’s not her thing, that’s fine. We’ll know for sure and then we can resume the pattern of one night stands that worked for us before. We’re just going to frustrate ourselves trying to find versions of her out at the bar to bring home if we don’t know for sure.”

“And if it blows up in our faces? If we freak her out? Then what, Jen? Because that girl is damn good at this job. And if she transfers because we propositioned her and read her space cues incorrectly, that’s going to feel like shit.”

JJ sighs softly, catching Emily in her arms and pulling her to the edge of the bed. “I really don’t think that’s going to happen. Ace gets caught up in the way you wear your stupid belt. She focuses on your lips and gets flustered when I make her dance with me.” JJ pulls the towel away. “C’mon, Em. We both want her. We can all be grown ups about it. Maybe she’ll have kinks of her own she wants to share.” Emily’s eyes flutter closed at the idea. “I know she’d be a good girl for you. Press her against a wall and just ravish her.”

She sucks a nipple into her mouth, only to have Emily pull her off. “No, keep talking.” JJ smirks, even as she uses her hands instead.

“Personally I’m still stuck on the idea of folding her over her desk and using the jacket to keep her bound. I bet she would make the prettiest noises. Would you spank her like that? Or would you fold her over your lap?” Emily moans, holding onto JJ’s shoulders, while the blonde rubs her clit in perfectly teasing strokes. “Can you imagine seeing your handprints on her bare ass? Or pinning her legs to her chest while you fuck her with your strap? Would you put her on her knees and use her braid as leverage while she eats you out?”

“Fuck, Jennifer,” Emily gasps in a whisper, bucking her hips forward with her release. Catching her breath, Emily presses her forehead against JJ’s shoulder. “What’s your plan?”

“Invite her over for a Girls’ Night and see how it goes. We’ve got to know one way or another, Em, and honestly I think it could be really great. The sex would be phenomenal.”

“One Girls’ Night, and the first sign she’s uncomfortable, we call it,” Emily insists.

“Of course. Enthusiastic consent. That’s always how our bed works,” JJ agrees. “Now I need your mouth to do something better than all this talking.” When JJ closes her eyes, she dreams of the three of them together, and God, she needs to get that girl in their bed before she combusts.

[fractualized]

So I saw Joker: Folie à Deux, and I thought it was… fine. Enjoyed myself at parts, felt disappointed at others, which was better than my complicated feelings about Joker. (My reaction was much the same as Jenny Nicholson's.)

Gonna ramble a bit with, like, all the spoilers.

Obviously, since Joker wasn't really a Joker movie, that aspect was highly unlikely to change in the sequel. Perhaps some elements could've moved more in alignment with the General Comics Joker vibe, but that doesn't happen. Funnily enough, in it's own way, this movie is about how it's not a Joker movie!

And then there's Harley. They nixed her accent and bubbliness, of course, 'cause that's not gritty enough. They also called her Lee, while mentioning that her legal name is Harley Quinzel, not Harleen, because the movie industry loves the IP but gets too in their heads about names seeming "grounded" or whatever. Anyway, there's a bit of a fakeout at first where she indicates she's in Arkham because she's a pyromaniac, but we learn midway that she actually went to school for psychiatry and lives with her wealthy parents, and she checked herself into Arkham because she wanted to get closer to Arthur after seeing him murder Murray Franklin. Lying is her way of getting closer to him, and Arthur doesn't mind as much as he should, because she makes him finally feel less alone.

So she is an obsessive Harley, but it's not the typical jarley story, is it? As a Telltale fan, I can't be too spicy about that, though I was wondering if Arthur would try to manipulate her back. He is manipulative, after all. He develops an OK rapport with the Arkham guards, and when his lawyer's psychiatrist asks him leading questions that assume he has DID and Joker is one of his alters, Arthur goes along with that defense, repeating elements of her questions like they're facts. Arthur wants to trust Harley so badly, though, that he doesn't try to deceive her; when they first meet, he even confesses that his mother is among his victims.

It's sad, but it does take it too far from what I want to see in jarley, personally. Even John Doe lied to his Harley!

The end of Harley's story is a let-down. Near the end, Arthur confesses that "Joker" is not an alter; Arthur killed those people and his mother. He says that ultimately there is no Joker, and Harley is disillusioned with this man who inspired her with his audacious violence and leaves the courtroom along with other supporters. Later, when the guilty verdict is read, the proceedings are interrupted by the side of the court room fucking exploding, which was an exciting twist— at least when I assumed it was Harley. I thought she'd had her own break and had decided to take on a chaotic Joker persona of her own. But no. It seems a car bomb was planted by some other random supporter. Harley and Arthur have a final meeting, and she just reiterates her disappointment that he's disowned Joker, and she leaves. Eh.

That actually leads me something that did make me think of Comics Joker, specifically Amnesia Joker from Batman (2011) #48. There've been some recent posts about him, but the poor bastard is often on my mind regardless. The nameless butcher quite obviously wants to stay in his quiet life; even if he doesn't remember explicitly who he used to be, he certainly knows he doesn't want to go back. So when Arthur ends up trying to escape the Joker persona that he embraced by the end of the 2019 film and for much of Folie à Deux, it does align with Joker feeling no fulfillment from his chaos.

Throughout the movie, he seeks that fulfillment in his sudden connection with Lee, which is obviously doomed because of said suddenness. But that's where the music comes in! There's been a lot of "is this a freaking musical or not??" and it is very much a musical using old standards. Both Gaga and Phoenix sing, and for the most part I enjoyed it. I will say, though, that I wish they leaned harder into the musical aspect, with more numbers spinning into fantasy sequences with setpieces, and that they had original songs. But anyway, the point of the songs is to highlight how Arthur finally feels like he's connected with somebody.

But there's no real foundation to the love. Arthur ends up alone back in Arkham, and I don't think we learn if he got an official death sentence before he's horribly stabbed to death by another inmate, who wants to tell him a "joke" with the same punchline delivered to Murray Franklin.

Whereas at the end of the first movie Arthur felt like he got society to finally see him by committing murder and igniting chaos, this movie follows through on how that was just a kind of malicious high. Nobody cares about Arthur; both his supporters and the justice system are responding only to his worst acts, not the whole of his person. Only the lawyer he ends up firing is focused on getting him into a real hospital. When Arthur tries leaning into the power of the Joker persona, it leads to unspecified but brutal abuse by the Arkham guards he once charmed, followed by a horrible scene in solitary. Another inmate sings in solidarity with Arthur, and then Arthur listens to a guard murder him. Arthur's moment of power was fleeting, and in actuality he's still under the thumb of the system (and doesn't live in a franchise where Arkham has a revolving door). He dies in that system.

I'd say it's worth watching if you're prepared for another dose of bleakness, though this time with singing and a little dancing! Often I thought during this movie (and during my rewatch of the first one last night) that there were many elements I wish I could see in an actual Joker movie. Unfortunately since it's "already been done," that chance is probably even lower than it already is. But hey, if we got three different Spider-men in a twenty-year period, maybe I'll see a full Broadway-style, for-reals-supervillain, Batman-loving Joker before I die!

(Oh, I guess I should mention that. The Waynes and their murder don't come up at all, and thank god, because I remain hostilely uninterested in Joker possibly being Thomas's son.)