#nishimuras comments about glass beads again & the natsume he met at night having those too. (also the parts where nishimuras thinking about

[lunarcry]

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[kateywlo]

Glass Beads (Natsume Week; Day 1— Natsume’s Birthday)

@natsumeweek Glass Beads — Day 1 of Natsume Week; Natsume’s Birthday

The feeling of him slipping through someone’s mind wasn’t a new feeling for Natsume Takashi. In fact, he was rather used to that feeling of neglection. The coldness that embraced him each time on his birthday was all too familiar, he once longed for the warmth of another human but he knew that it wasn’t something possible. Likewise to how he had stopped calling for his father, he realised it was also pointless to long for someone you could never have nor experience.

However, just like him, his attitude had changed over time. In the beginning, he had been detached from life, no one accepted him. Not humans nor youkai. Ever since he had arrived at the Fujiwaras, their kindness was so warm that he gradually became afraid to lose his home. He wanted to stay here forever. For once, he loved a place. It made him happy. Yes, he wanted to stay here. The first time he had expressed those feelings were to Kitamoto, one of his close friends. However… was there really such a thing as ‘forever’?

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Natsume’s eyes had remained like glass beads. Without emotion, fake and impossible to read. At least… that was once how Kitamoto had viewed him. His amber brown eyes gazed off into the distance absentmindedly as he had brushed his fingers against the wood of the window pane, the dust collecting on his fingers.

Shigeru had been out on a work trip since yesterday whilst Touko was out with a friend and they had been catching up on old times. Nyanko-sensei had gone out drinking with the dogs’ circle. It was the 1st of July yet he had forgotten what that date even meant to him. Was there a special event today? He could no longer remember but it felt like he was forgetting something important about the ‘1st of July’.

Again, like before, he had been alone and detached from this world. Just like how others had allowed his very existence to slip through their mind, he, too, without even realising it, allowed himself to also slip through his own mind. Yet even so, he was used to it. That feeling of loneliness and negligence. His previous foster parents seemingly ‘forgetting’ to feed him or ignoring him once they had noticed he continuously spewed out ‘lies’ so he could get attention. It was all… far too familiar for his liking. However, the Fujiwara household was different. Shigeru and Touko cared for him regardless of his circumstances and his past, regardless of the strange rumours about his grandmother Reiko, regardless of everything… besides his ability to see youkai. That was the one thing he’d never tell them.

Hearing the Fujiwaras’ home phone ringing, he opened his door and headed down the stairs, the only sound being his footsteps against the timber. He soon reached the white home phone and reluctantly picked it up, wondering who it was. “Hello? This is the Fujiwara household.”

“Hello Natsume,” the voice replied and Natsume sighed. It was none other than Natori Shuuichi.

It wasn’t that he wanted Natori right now but rather he had just immersed himself in the mood of silent contemplation. With the so-called ‘mellow’ sound of Natori’s voice (as said by many of his fangirls), all he could imagine were the budding roses and sparkles that were emanated from his self-proclaimed ‘fabulousness’.

“Natori…” Natsume replied before continuing, “I didn’t expect you to be the one that called me.”

“Neither did I,” Natori admitted and chuckled in response, “I’m at work right now for an advertisement. Yet despite my preoccupation, it felt like there was something important going on. Is there anything you want to tell me Natsume?”

“Nothing special has happened with the Book of Friends?” Natsume replied inquiringly.

Ever since the incident at the mansion, Natsume had confessed everything about the Book of Friends. About Reiko. About the names he was releasing. About the youkai that came after him. About everything. During that time, Natori had remained silent, seemingly listen whilst the lizard continuously moved around him. Afterwards, Natori had stated that he’d find a way to free Natsume from that burden and from something so dangerous.

“T-That’s not what I mean,” Natori laughed, “I meant, is there an event going on right now?”

“No, but…” Natsume replied and parted his lips in an attempt to speak but nothing came. Gulping, he spoke once again, “But I feel like there’s probably something going on but I just forgot what it was.”

“Maybe it’s your birthday,” Natori remarked jokingly, “But Natsume, like I said before, whenever you get tired of lying, you can alway— I’m coming! Sorry Natsume but I’ve got to go back to work.”

Natsume laughed as he heard the faraway background noises from Natori’s work. Although, the home phone had now been ‘beep’-ing as a sign of the disconnected call. It was just a comment that Natori had spontaneously said but he was correct. He recalled what he had been forgetting about despite how important it was, after all, it was the day he was born. It really was his birthday. He was honestly astounded by the fact that he’d forgotten his own birthday. Shaking his head to himself, he decided not to kick up a fuss about it. After all, both Shigeru and Touko were busy. Tanuma, Taki, Kitamoto and Nishimura were probably busy as well and he didn’t want to be a burden to either of them. As for Sasada and Shibata, he didn’t mind their company but he didn’t want to distract them either. He wasn’t the slightest bit interested in smelling sake from Nyanko-sensei so he scratched that option as well. As for Natori, he was busy, hence, the recent disconnected phone call. Matoba’s answer was obvious and rather self-explanatory considering all the action he had done, especially when the man had threatened Natsume, saying he’d tell the Fujiwaras’ about his ability to see youkai.

Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, Natsume shook his head. He wasn’t eager to celebrate it in the slightest but he reluctantly admitted that it would’ve been nice to spend time with all of his companions. Feeling himself blush at the thought of bringing all his friends together, he realised that maybe a birthday wasn’t so bad after all even if it meant he was just going to be year older. However, even if he wanted to, it was probably impossible. Just like how he loved the prefecture he had been living in and the fact that he wanted to stay here forever with his foster family, he, too, knew that it was impossible.

Was it just a human’s instincts to long for something that they’d never had? He thought he had outgrown his sense of selfishness but it seemed that it wasn’t the case. As loathe as he was to admit it, he was lonely, he wanted to be with someone, he was tired of lying but that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to go to Natori. He just wanted a place to go to that belonged to only him so he could rest in solitude. However, he had been designated the task of looking after the household considering both of the Fujiwaras’ hadn’t been present. Sighing to himself, he recalled the time when he had felt so detached from the world where he couldn’t have cared less about his birthday or life events of his because he had merely forgotten them since he had always focused on the existence of youkai and ayakashi that had been pursuing his life or the Book of Friends. Only recently had he acquired the knowledge of what the Book of Friends actually was and that had been his first encounter of Nyanko-sensei after having tripped and breaking the protective seal that was placed on him.

For his birthday, with nothing much to do, he decided to recall the times he had met everyone. Nishimura, having spoken to him in the classroom, Kitamoto, who had spoken to him during lunch break, Sasada, who had shown him around the school when he first transferred, Tanuma, who had been another student that could see youkai, Taki as the girl attempting to see youkai, Touko during the night when he had ran from home, Shigeru, when they had passed one another at a funeral, Shibata, during school when he had been a bully back then, Matoba in a storeroom that attempted to strangle him, Natori when he had been at a movie set. There were so many people he had known even if he may have not gotten along with few of them.

Was this the reason as to why he recalled the feeling of loneliness? In this world, he felt so small and lost with no one to guide him. He longed for the company and compassion that he had received ever since he had transferred to this prefecture. Originally, he suspected that they, too, would’ve gotten sick of him but they never did. He was grateful for that fact, beginning to shrug off the absence of his friends and foster family during his birthday.

Smiling to himself, he sighed happily. The greatest present that he had ever received in this world right now was the fateful encounters he had. Although, with that present came sacrifices such as his biological mother and father. He didn’t need anything special. Maybe he’d tell everyone tomorrow on the 2nd of July but... for now, he’d live the moment and allow himself to devote the entirety of the day to himself.

Perhaps Kitamoto had been right. Once again, as Natsume gazed off absentmindedly, his eyes seemed like glass beads. Without emotion, fake and impossible to read.