#nini is the best and deserves all the love and support

[prince-jjae]

why r u so sweet i love u so bad

!!??!!?!?

YOU THINK IM SWEET??? NO YOU!!!!!!!

[prince-jjae]

rereading this. dont bother me until im done. LMFAOAOAOAO

an iron man | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: beomgyu has only ever known how to live function as a rental sexbot. he fucks whoever and whatever comes his way with a forced smile plastered on his face. that is, until you, a self-proclaimed trainwreck, come along.

genre: android!au, sexbot!au, angst, romance, fluff (more than i ever thought i could ever write i fear...), skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

warnings: very brief and vague mentions of beomgyu being forced to engage in sexual acts he does not want with previous clients, skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

smut warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming, praise, dacryphilia, sub!gyu

word count: 14.7k (trust i will not be writing this much again if this flops BWNWJSJEJDK)

notes: terrified to post this one because this is probably my favorite thing i've ever written and if it gets a bad reaction i might die :,) also very unsure if this is the best time to post it since it's during kinktober so i'm not sure if the demand is there but i love this work so so much i pray you all like it. if you don't read anything else from me, i hope that you read this bc i rlly care ab it :,) please don't be mean i beg

beomgyu doesn’t know how long he’s been living like this. living is an odd term, too, and it’s not just because “life” is ill-defined for an android, but because to call what he experiences a life feels like a bastardization of the term. his power is turned on at some point, usually late at night, he fucks or gets fucked by somebody he probably doesn’t know, then he does the same shit all over again. so yes, he may be “alive”, but he wouldn't dare to call what he experiences living. living is too precious of a term to be used so cheaply on a sex android who’s made available for rent for the highest bidder of the night.

he’s seen how people live through his scattered vignettes of human life. he only gets them when he’s powered on, but he soaks them up with pleasure because they’re the only thing he’s ever known. some people do it wildly, living unattached to everyone and everything. their lives are not completely dissimilar to his, in a way, except they have a choice in the matter. they have time to find themselves, what their likes and dislikes are, and they get to connect with people in a way he will never have the power to. others, though, live the kind of life he really wants. they live by loving and being loved, knowing and being known. he wonders what it’d be like to know somebody outside of whatever secret deviant sexual pleasures they have. he wonders what it’s like to be known, too, but he guesses you would need to have something for someone to care enough to know about in the first place. he has no such thing.

it’s a night like any other when he’s powered on by a total stranger. he briefly takes in his surroundings and notices that it’s a really nice place, but you wouldn’t be the first rich person to rent him — not by a longshot. next, he takes you in. now, there’s no reason for you to dress up, really. you have no need to tempt him, as he will be able to feign attraction no matter what you look like, but he still finds it odd that you seem to have forgone any effort to appeal to him, if only because most people’s fantasies require them to look and feel sexy; but you don’t look sexy at all. you look like you’ve just gotten home from a long day at work, and honestly? you kind of smell like it, too.

“do you think you could do the dishes for me? i’m exhausted,” you ask with a perfectly-timed yawn. what… ?

he short-circuits for a moment as he tries to think of an appropriate response. he’s never had anyone try to get him to do chores for them, but maybe this is some sort of weird roleplay? maybe you want him to act as a house husband for you before doing the deed, which isn’t necessarily a problem since he’s well-versed in acting, but there’s just one issue.

“i don’t know how,” he tells you honestly.

“you don’t know how to do dishes?” you ask curiously, 

“it’s not in my programming,” he replies. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s embarrassed because of the way he hesitates and looks away from you when he says it. he can’t possibly feel that, though, so it must just be your imagination.

“oh… that’s alright. okay, do you know how to clean a room? mine’s kind of dirty,” you try. 

“n-no,” he says, and he wishes the earth would just swallow him whole. he’s never failed at living up to expectations, and never so badly, at that. just what kind of fetish is this? 

“that’s okay,” you sigh, and he may not fully understand it, but he can sense your disappointment. “well, what can you do?” and the question is not asked maliciously, but with what seems to be genuine wonder. ah. he knows how to answer this one. slowly, he walks up to you and loosens your hair. you look up at him in shock, but he just cups your face, swiping his thumb across your lower lip. 

“i can do whatever you want me to, baby,” he whispers alluringly. “just tell me how you like it.” you’re so stunned at his switch in demeanor that you forget how to speak for a moment, but you quickly recollect yourself and pry his hands off of you.

“i don’t want you to do anything,” you insist. “i’m just tired. if you can’t help me clean, that’s alright. you can watch something if you’re bored. i think that’s it. well, goodnight.” beomgyu is malfunctioning at the moment. he thinks the gears in his head might be sparking while he tries to understand this new development. you don’t give him time to process it, though. you just slam your bedroom door shut behind you. he thinks he hears you lock it, too.

genuinely at a loss at the thought that he has nothing and no one to do, he sits himself on your couch. he tries not to make himself too at home at first, just barely making a dent on it and scooting to the very edge of the cushion as to not appear to be too relaxed. what if this is some sort of test? what if you’re actually going to come out soon so you two can fuck? until then, what should he do next? thoughts like this plague him until he accepts the fact that you are actually sleeping. your obnoxiously loud snoring is a dead giveaway, and he finally, finally feels brave enough to fiddle with your remote control. 

he scrolls for something to watch. movies and shows have been on as background noise during sex before, so he’s somewhat familiar with them, but he’s never gotten the opportunity to pick for himself or actually pay attention to what's happening on screen. he settles on a romantic movie about a robot who joins human society. the robot falls in love with a human girl, but in the end, the robot has to leave the girl because the town won’t accept him, even after using him. she marries a human man and has children, and eventually grandchildren, too. she still loves the robot even though he’s gone, which he thinks is supposed to make him feel sorry for her, but all he can feel is pity for the robot, who spends the rest of his life alone. 

it’s enough to make him cry, which he shouldn’t be able to do in a non-sexual setting, but he does it, anyway. it’s just so unfair to him. the girl is able to live a normal life while the robot is doomed to be alone forever. why? because he was born different? it’s not his fault that he was invented, but he spends the rest of his time on earth paying for the crime of existing in a world not built for him. the more beomgyu thinks about it, the more wronged he feels. he’s outright sobbing by the time you plop down on the couch beside him. he jumps up and straightens his posture while trying in vain to regain his composure.

“yeah, this movie makes me cry, too,” you quietly remark. he’s silent, not because he didn’t hear what you said, but because he genuinely doesn’t know how to act after being caught red handed.

“can i ask you something?” you ask in lieu of his lack of a response.

“yes,” he feebly answers.

“why are you crying?” you question with a tilt of your head, but something in him tells him that you already know.

“because the movie made me sad,” he admits after a pause.

“are androids supposed to feel things like that?” 

“... no,” he replies after a pause. 

“then why can you?” 

“i… i don't know. just please don’t say anything to my owners,” he pleads. he knows that if the company that owns him were to find out about this, he’d be scrapped in a heartbeat. or worse, they’d analyze him like a labrat to try to find the anomaly within him. his “life” as a sexbot will be over, and he’d really rather be a box of scraps than live as a case study in a lab somewhere. 

“it’s okay,” you tell him with a reassuring smile as you watch him trying not to spiral. “i won’t tell them. it’ll be our secret.” beomgyu has never had a secret to share with anyone before, so he feels an overwhelming amount of excitement at the idea that he will finally have one. his chest feels warm at the thought.

“thank you,” he says with a grateful smile.

“no problem,” you reply with a yawn. “i’m tired, so i’m heading back to bed. i just wanted to get some water. goodnight, for real this time.” 

“goodnight,” he murmurs softly. you return his words with a sleepy smile and go back into your room. he finds that he’s smiling even when you leave. 

he spends the night consuming as much media as he conceivably can before he has to leave. usually, he'd be powered off after he’s done being used, so he greedily savors every moment he can. who knows if he'll ever get this chance again. when you wake up, you're surprised to see that he's exactly where you left him, still watching the screen intently.

“good morning,” you say while stretching your arms. 

“good morning,” he replies. 

“are you ready to be returned?” you ask. 

“... yes,” he lies. 

“okay. i think somebody will be here to pick you up in an hour or so. you hungry?” 

“i don't really eat,” he bashfully answers. for some reason, he's embarrassed at the fact that you're treating him like a human while he's unable to fully act like one.

“oh. i guess that makes sense,” you nod. 

things are quiet until he’s picked up, but it’s not an awkward silence. you sit next to him on the couch as you wolf down some breakfast and let him watch whatever he pleases. when he eventually hears knocking at your door, he feels an incomprehensible sense of dread.

“i think that's them,” you remark, breaking the silence. 

“y-yeah,” he replies. 

“well, it was nice to meet you,” you say, reaching out your hand for him. he’s unsure what to do with it. not missing a beat, you gently grab his hand and shake it. he's stunned at the physical contact, and he's still reeling when you let the man from the rental company in. you have a brief conversation with him before he walks towards beomgyu.

“goodbye,” you tell the android with a smile and a little wave. 

“... good—” and the man switches him off.

-

the next time beomgyu is powered on, he’s in your house again. relief floods him when he realizes it. you don’t seem as exhausted as the last time he saw you. when that was, he has no idea, but if he had to guess, he’d say it was just last night because of the fact that he’s so popular he’s rented almost every day.

“hey,” you greet him with a smile. he’s still feeling relieved before he realizes that tonight might be the night where you ask him to have sex with you. maybe you were just tired last night and had no desire to fuck, but he can tell that you’re feeling more energetic tonight. 

“i didn’t catch your name,” you add. 

“... beomgyu. i’m part of the choi line, but i’m a custom model, so they gave me a name,” he tentatively replies.

“nice,” you nod, and you briefly introduce yourself before asking if he wants to watch a movie. 

“watch… a movie?” is this some sort of euphemism for fucking? it wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard of something like this. as mentioned before, some people like movies as background noise. 

“yeah, you can pick,” you say, casually plopping down on the couch and patting the cushion next to you. he hesitantly takes your cue, and he’s mentally preparing himself for what comes next before you take a blanket and cocoon yourself in it so tightly, it’d be impossible for him to touch you.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, and he jolts a bit when he realizes that he’s been staring in disbelief. “oh, are you cold? do you want a blanket, too?” 

“‘m fine,” he replies.

“are you sure? the clothes they make you wear look a little thin,” you observe with your nose wrinkled, and he feels impossibly small under your surveying eye. “here, i’ll get you some sweats. i think soobin left some the last time he was here.” 

“who’s soobin?” he asks a little too quickly. so quickly, in fact, he doesn’t even have time to process why he even asked.

“my friend. stay here, i’ll grab them for you.” 

when you return, you have a long pair of sweatpants in hand and a big t-shirt. 

“you can change in the bathroom. it’s down the hallway and to the left, okay?” he nods in response.

he strips his clothes off as best as he can, and it feels like he’s shedding a second skin. when he’s finished undressing, he pulls on the clothes you gave him and stares in the mirror. it’s in his programming to always be mindful of how he looks, but he feels especially self-conscious now that he’s wearing a normal outfit. he fixes up his hair and clears his throat before exiting your (messy) bathroom and making his way back into your living room. he finds you fiddling with your phone before you look up at him.

“took you long enough,” you tease, and he blushes, which stuns you. just how human is this guy?

“s-sorry, i —” 

“hey, i’m just kidding. you’re fine. you look pretty good in those clothes — soobin would be jealous,” you chuckle. his ears perk up at the mention of soobin again. is he your boyfriend? he must be. why else would he have clothes at your house? is that why you don't want to sleep with beomgyu? because you have someone already? if that's the case, why rent him at all? but he is not brave enough to ask these questions, so he settles for a soft “thank you” and returns to his spot on the couch.

you toss him the remote and he catches it with ease before unsurely flipping through your streaming services. he finds something that piques his interest and turns to you with an uncertain look before you nod encouragingly. he selects it and lets it play. he doesn’t mean to, but he finds himself sinking further and further into the cushions as it progresses. 

it’s a sweet movie — a romantic comedy about an amnesic woman whose memory is wiped clean every morning, but a man falls in love with her, anyway. she never remembers him, so he has to make her fall in love with him in a new way every day. he finds himself smiling throughout it, but a particularly funny scene has him actually laughing for the first time. it’s a squeaky sort of thing, and he has never laughed before, so he’s somewhat surprised as it leaves his throat. he looks to you in trepidation, but you just smile warmly and respond with a soft chuckle of your own. he finds that he looks to you every time a new development occurs, and you always answer encouragingly. 

the end of the film surprises him. it’s bittersweet in that she never does get her memory back, but the man makes a video recounting their entire love story for her to watch every time she wakes up. it ends with them living happily together in spite of everything, and it’s enough to make him sob. he turns to you and sees that you’re teary-eyed as well, but you seem to be enjoying his reaction so much that there’s still a grin on your face. after the film ends, you can tell that he has something on his mind.

“what’s wrong? didn’t you like it?” you gently ask.

“i did. i just don’t understand,” he replies timidly.

“don’t understand what?” 

“why he would do all of that for her, i guess,” he says. 

“because he loves her. when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you always find a way,” you tell him, and the sentiment seems to strike a chord within him.

“even if they’re that different?”

“of course.”

-

beomgyu spends the following nights with this same routine. he’s switched on, sees you standing in front of him with a smile, gets comfortable, and watches as much media as he possibly can while you two chatter away about every scene. he learns much more from it than he ever did from experience with his previous renters, and he finds himself becoming more and more emotional by the day. you never try to question him or press him to explain any of his feelings, and it just makes him feel even more comfortable with you. 

one day, he even feels comfortable enough to ask you a question. the question. 

“can i ask you something?” 

“of course! what is it?” you reply in earnest. beomgyu has never directly inquired about you.

“why do you rent me? i mean, i know we watch stuff together now, but why rent me in the first place?” and even when he feels exponentially more at ease with you than he ever has in any other context, he’s still nervous when he asks it. 

“oh, my friend did it as a joke, i guess,” you shrug. “he thought i needed to get laid or something, but i’m not into stuff like that, so i just thought i’d ask you to help me clean. obviously, that’s what i actually need,” you giggle. what he feels at your words can only be described as disappointment. “stuff like that”? so you’re not into sleeping with sexbots? is it because you find them disgusting? is it because you find him disgusting? he’s not sure what he expected, but this wasn’t it.

“oh. so why don’t you buy a cleaning bot?” he asks softly, and while you are usually pretty perceptive of his emotions, you don’t register the fact that he’s at a loss right now.

“i dunno. my parents were always against that sort of thing. they thought it was wrong, i guess, so i didn’t grow up with them like everyone else did. i didn’t really have an opinion on them until i met you,” you tell him while grinning and lightly nudging him with your elbow. he tries his best to smile because, in theory, your words are really sweet. you see him as more than just another android, so why does he feel like that’s not enough? 

the fragile connection you two have made seems even more fragile now. at least, it does to him. you only met each other because of a joke your friend just so happened to make, not because of fate or the divine intervention that he always sees in the movies. maybe in another world, your friend rented a different sexbot. maybe you’d even treat them the same way you treat him. the thought alone makes something ugly burn in his chest. 

still, you are oblivious to the internal war raging within beomgyu. 

“hey, i’ve got an idea,” you tell him, and he perks up a bit. “have you ever listened to music?” 

“not really,” he replies solemnly. people have played it in the background of their sexual escapades, but he hasn’t really gotten the chance to listen the same way humans do. you finally register his crestfallen appearance, but you chalk it up to him feeling like he’s missing out. 

“why don’t we listen to some? i can play a bunch of different genres so you can find what you like,” you suggest, and he agrees to it. truthfully, he doesn’t fully understand how music can be better than movies and shows, but he is curious to find out what makes it so special. 

and special, it is. he doesn’t like every song you play, he realizes, but that’s only natural given how different they are from each other. he finds himself being drawn to the more emotional and moody ones, but he can’t help but enjoy the way you quietly sing and nod along to the more upbeat tunes. 

as you continue to sit together, you begin to fiddle with your hair. you’re scoffing and loosening it for the umpteenth time before you’re about to give up, but beomgyu stops you.

“let me do it,” he says.

“do you know how?” 

“i think i can. i’ve been watching you,” he says simply.

“... okay.” 

you turn your back to him to give him access to your hair and he scoots closer to you. closer than you’ve ever been. his touch on your head is careful as he gently gathers your hair and begins to braid it. you’re not sure how much time passes because he’s actually quite slow, but it’s relaxing all the same. you find yourself softly humming to the tune of the song playing. the lyrics are a little dark, but you follow along in earnest, and beomgyu thinks he finally understands why people like music so much. for moments like this. he tries to soak up every detail he can, from the way the light hits your frame to the melody you hum, and he wishes this moment could last forever.

but you only have so much hair, so the moment does have to end, eventually. he ties up your hair and you pull out your phone camera to admire his handiwork. admittedly, it’s a lot better than anything you could’ve done. it seems that he’s a fast learner.

“this looks perfect! thanks, beoms,” you say warmly. he’s stunned for a second at the nickname.

“beoms?” 

“yeah, like beomgyu. beoms,” you say with a casual shrug, and something in his chest blossoms. “i give all of my friends nicknames.” and something in his chest explodes at the title of “friend”. 

“you do?” he asks excitedly.

“yeah. like, i call soobin ‘soobinie’ or ‘soobie’, sometimes,” you giggle, and the bloom of hope in his chest dies with it. 

“are you two close?” he asks, even though he knows the answer will probably hurt him.

“very. he’s my best friend,” you answer fondly. oh. you’re beomgyu’s best friend — you’re beomgyu’s only friend, and tentatively at that. the idea that the deep connection he feels with you is even deeper with someone else, at least in your eyes, makes him feel sick. do you let soobin play with your hair? do you hum along to songs you’ve shown him while he does it? do you smile at him after he’s finished and compliment him on his skills? probably, probably, probably. the ugly feeling that was previously completely foreign to him now takes its usual place in his chest, and it makes his stomach hurt so much that if he could vomit, his metaphorical dinner would be all over the floor.

“oh,” is all he can say. 

-

days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, but every time beomgyu awakens, he finds you smiling up at him. this can’t be good for your bank account — he’s quite expensive to rent, after all — but he’s far too afraid to actually bring it up. what if you realize just how much money you’re sinking into him and want to stop renting him? what will he do if you don’t want him anymore? he feels an incomparable sense of dread at the thought. 

he prepares to sit on the couch and watch something, listen to music, or even play a video game with you. you two have gotten into them recently, and he’s discovered that he very much enjoys playing with you, even when you’re yelling at him and demanding that he stop letting you win. he can’t help but grin when he thinks about it. you start playing a song, and you do, indeed, invite him to sit on the couch, but you don’t sit down next to him and start babbling away about your day like you usually would. 

“do you think you could do me a favor?” you ask. 

“what, do you want me to wash your dishes?” he jokes, and you share a laugh before you say your next words, but all laughter and joy is profusely sucked out of him when you say them.

“no, smartass, but can you braid my hair for me? i’m going over to soobin’s tonight, and i want it out of my way.” 

“soobin’s?”

“yeah, it’s been a while since i’ve stayed the night, and he said we’re way past due for it,” you tell him, and the world as beomgyu knows it comes crashing down around him. 

“you’re staying the night with him?” 

“mhm. he’s right, it’s been too long; but don’t worry, i bought a pass so you can play video games online. there’s even a headset so you can talk to people, if you want. maybe you’ll even make some friends,” you say while playfully waggling your eyebrows. beomgyu’s silence is pensive, to say the very least, and you worry that he’s apprehensive of making a friend that isn't you. 

“seriously, you might like it. it’ll be good for you to meet more people, honestly. i’m sure it’s driving you crazy to only have me to talk to,” you jokingly add, but to beomgyu, it’s the worst joke he’s ever heard. no, it does not drive him crazy to only talk to you every day. in fact, even though he’s not conscious during the time you spend away from each other, he thinks, deep down, that he still somehow misses you when you’re apart. and no, he does not think he needs to have anyone but you. you are more than enough for him, so how could you ever think he needs more? again, he is taunted by that same strange and implacable feeling he’s been having ever since he met you, yet he can’t quite put his finger on it, even when he nods and tells you that he’ll try making new friends. 

but as he brushes out your hair and you sing along to the words:

"i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you

but now i don’t care

i could go anywhere with you

and i’d probably be happy"

he finally understands what that feeling is. that warm, all-consuming feeling. that feeling of comfort, safety, and unconditional understanding. that feeling of infinite curiosity about the other person. that feeling of wanting to known and be known in a way so profound it physically aches. 

yes, as he gathers your hair and ever-so-gently twists it in his hands in preparation for you staying the night with a man you clearly prefer over him, the feeling becomes clear as day. love. what he feels for you is love — an emotion he should never be able to even fathom, yet he does. 

and it makes him loathe himself to a degree he never thought he was capable of.

he’s so put off by this sentiment, he almost can’t finish the braid because his hands are shaking so much, but somehow, he finishes, anyway. 

“are you done?” you ask as you fiddle with your hair and look back at him.

“mhm,” he replies. 

“yay! thank you!” you say giddily. 

“you’re welcome,” he mumbles. you’re not stupid, so you notice that something is off about him, but you just assume it’s because he’s nervous about being left alone to make new friends. you feel guilty in a certain sense, but it’ll be good for him to branch out and meet new people, so you tuck the feeling away as best as you can before packing your nightly essentials and getting ready to leave.

“i’ll be back tomorrow morning,” you tell him, and he only nods with his lips pursed, which makes your heart feel sour.

“try not to miss me too much,” you tease, but it doesn’t seem to cheer him up in the slightest. 

“have fun,” he replies weakly, and your previously sour heart now kind of aches, but you have to do this for him. you can't always be beside him for everything, right? besides, it's only for the night.

you open the door to leave, but before you go, you turn back to him and he senses hesitation in you. before he can question it, you’re opening your arms, and his eyes widen when he realizes you’re inviting him in for a hug. you almost regret doing it as soon as you open them for fear of making him uncomfortable, but he embraces you before you have time to process such feelings. on beomgyu’s end, he has always been wary of touch for obvious reasons, but he gravitates towards your open arms like he was meant to be in them.

he rests his chin on the top of your head for a moment and you spend an unknown length of time just standing with your arms wrapped around each other. 

“i’ll miss you,” you admit, and before you can smack yourself for being so dramatic and sentimental over what will ultimately only be one night, you can swear you feel his grip tightening even more around you.

eventually, you break away and look up at him with a smile. you ruffle his hair and promise to see him later, and he answers you with a nod. then, you're leaving and locking the door behind you.

immediately, beomgyu feels a sense of loss he’s never felt before. after all, to experience loss, you must have something worth losing in the first place, and he has never had anything like that. at least, not until you. so he stands at the door for who knows how long, just like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home. 

-

soobin can sense you’re out of it before you even finish crossing through his doorway, and it puts a halt to your typically overdramatic greeting. 

“what’s the matter? are you feeling okay?” he questions concernedly as he pulls you in for a hug. you nod before you break apart from him and walk through the threshold. 

“y-yeah. it’s just, i don’t know, i guess i just feel bad about leaving beomgyu all by himself,” you tell him as you plop down on his couch. 

“the android you’ve been renting?” he asks incredulously. “i’ve been meaning to ask you about that, actually. why’re you renting it so much? i barely even see you anymore. is the sex that good?” 

“you know i don’t use androids like that,” you snap in annoyance, partially because he’s calling beomgyu “it”.

“i know, which is why i’m so confused. why rent it in the first place if you’re not getting anything out of it?” 

you struggle to answer his question. you promised beomgyu you’d keep his secret, but you trust soobin, and you know he won’t judge him, or worse, report him. besides, it’ll be good to have an unbiased third party weigh in on the situation. with this in mind, you tell him about beomgyu, skipping over some of the more personal details. he’s in disbelief at first and actually thinks you’re just fucking with him, but as you tell him more and more about the time you’ve spent together, his smile falls and his face turns serious. 

“so that’s why i feel so guilty about leaving him alone,” you finish with a deep sigh. he’s silent for a few moments before collecting his thoughts.

“god, i can’t believe this is actually happening,” he whispers.

“i know. it’s insane, but it’s true. he’s just so… human. you should've seen the way he looked at me when i told him i was leaving. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone look so sad before.” 

“well, you’re right about him needing to make friends,” he says with a nod, and it validates all of your misgivings about leaving him alone. “but don’t you think you should, i don’t know, think about what all of this means?” 

“what do you mean?” you ask, and in that moment, he knows you have no idea about the way beomgyu probably feels about you. he’s not 100% confident in his deductions, but the way you describe how beomgyu acts around you pretty much tells him everything he needs to know. 

“i mean, you basically have a completely sentient creature who relies on you for everything. if he’s as human as you say he is, then he can probably feel everything that we do. right now, i’d guess that he feels like you’re all he knows.” and the sneaking sense of guilt that was previously threatening to creep up on you is now completely overwhelming. you’re all he knows. and you left him all alone to fend for himself and make his own friends. yes, he needs to learn how to make connections, but how could you expect him to know how to do that? it took weeks for him to finally seem comfortable around you, so how could he possibly know how to make them on his own? moreover, even though it's nothing to you, you're his entire world. he must feel like you abandoned him.

“i’ve gotta go,” you mumble.

“what?” he asks. 

“i–i’ve gotta go home,” you repeat as you hurriedly stand up and hug him goodbye. 

“wait! i think you should —” 

“love you, bye!” you shout as you book it out of the doorway. 

-

when you return home, you open the door to see beomgyu listlessly staring at the television screen. when he hears you, he turns to look at you with watery eyes. he looks so lost in this moment, and all of your suspicions are confirmed.

“beoms, i am so sorry,” you tell him as you rush over and throw your arms around him. 

“for what?” he asks with a gulp as he stays in your embrace, shakily wrapping his arms around your waist.

“i’m sorry for leaving you all by yourself. i thought it was just for one night, so it’d be alright, but you don’t have anyone but me right now; and i realize that it’s unfair for me to expect you to meet other people all on your own when you’ve never had to do it before. if you want friends, i’ll help you, okay? i’ll be there with you as you do it,” you tell him, and you feel his body trembling. 

“i-i’m sorry. i know it’s not a big deal, but when you’re not with me, i feel so scared. i… i don’t know how to do anything by myself. i’m s-sorry i need you so much,” he whispers, and your heart breaks. 

“don’t be sorry,” you say gently. “how about this: i’ll join you online and we can talk to people together. then, when you’re ready, you can start hanging out with my friends in person, too, okay? we can keep going until you don’t need me anymore.” beomgyu outwardly agrees, which seems to put you at ease, but there’s just one issue: he’ll always need you.

-

gaming online is actually really fun, but making friends is hard for someone like beomgyu. he’s quiet and a little awkward at first, but after a few nights and with your help, he finally warms up to the people he games with. he gets so comfortable, in fact, that he’s even able to shit talk with them a little. 

“fuckkk, that’s so unfair!” his new friend, kai, wails over the headset. 

“it’s not unfair, you just suck,” beomgyu chuckles, and kai whines again. you laugh at their interaction before kai continues.

“how are you so fucking good at this game? you’ve only been playing for a few nights, and you’re already better than me!” he pouts. 

“i’m just gifted,” beomgyu boasts.

“very true,” you add, and he beams, but kai’s next words throw him off-kilter.

“whatever. stop asking your girlfriend to argue with me — you two make me sick,” he jokes with his signature maniacal laugh, but the two of you are too stunned to laugh along. you look at each other in sheer embarrassment, and you can see beomgyu’s ears turning bright pink beneath his blond hair. you’re not sure why you feel so mortified, but you do. this is beomgyu, for god’s sake. there’s no earthly way you could ever see him in anything other than a purely platonic way, so why does your heart feel uneasy at the notion? while you’re still too stunned to speak, beomgyu tries to pipe up and respond.

“sh-she’s — we’re not, uh —” 

“damn it!” kai yells as his character dies yet again, and any momentum beomgyu previously had to clear up the misunderstanding is killed stone dead in its tracks. 

he turns to look at you unsurely, but the awkward moment seems to have passed for you as you laugh at kai’s character’s death. if only he could be as unfazed.

after kai goes offline, you two decide to quit gaming for the night. you turn to beomgyu nervously, and he immediately knows that you’re going to say something serious. he hopes beyond hope that it’s not about what kai said.

“can i ask you something?” and his heart sinks. oh god, you probably caught onto his feelings. he’s not sure he has the confidence to tell the truth, but how could he lie to you?

“y-yes,” he replies, voice a bit unsteady.

“okay, you can say no if you want, but soobin invited us to a get together he’s having pretty soon. it’s not anything too crazy, so there’ll only be a few of us. i think it’ll be a good start for you. maybe you’ll even make some new friends, you know?” he’s silent at your words just out of sheer shock. he’d definitely missed the mark when guessing your intentions. 

“it’s okay to say no,” you hurriedly add, “but my friends are really nice, and i’d be with you the entire time. even if you don’t talk to anybody, you can talk to me.”

“okay,” he agrees before he can even really think about it. he guesses he’s just relieved that you still don’t know about his feelings, but part of him aches even still. 

“really?” you ask incredulously. “oh my god! i have to tell soobin — he’ll be so excited!” you babble, and his lips curl upwards at how happy you are. he wishes he could always make you happy like this, and it seems that he’d agree to absolutely anything if you were the one asking.

-

work has been especially taxing today, which is nothing new, but you have this insatiable suspicion that something feels… off as you finish up for the day. as you’re about to head out for the night, you wonder what beomgyu will want to do once you get home. maybe he’ll want to play games with kai, or maybe he’ll want to watch a movie with you. maybe he’ll let you cuddle up to him for warmth, which he’s been very willing to do, lately. the unspoken rule that you two will never touch has become blurry for some reason, but you’re pretty touchy with all of your friends, so it only feels like a matter of course to you. 

you’re thinking about all of the potential ways tonight could play out when it hits you: you didn’t reserve beomgyu. you spit out a curse and hurriedly take out your phone to book him, but it’s too late. he’s already assigned to someone for the night. fuck.

when you get home, you’re anxious beyond belief. you haven’t spent a night without beomgyu in months, but more importantly, he hasn’t spent a night without you. you try not to think about how scared he will be when he’s powered on in a stranger’s home. you hope he’s able to just switch back to his initial programming, but somehow, you just know it won’t be that easy. you feel sick with worry when you think about how someone so human will have to involuntarily turn his feelings off and pretend to enjoy something he’s being forced to do — with no compensation, no less. he must think you abandoned him. he must think you don’t care about him. how could you forget to reserve him when he needs you so much? fuck how busy you were with work, his wellbeing should have been your first priority.

so you sit and watch the hours tick by. you try to relax. you try to tell yourself it’s only for one night, and he’s been doing it for years, but something just feels wrong, wrong, wrong. you’re about to try to force yourself to go to sleep so the night ends more quickly when you hear a rapid knocking on your door. it’s strange for someone to call on you so late, indeed, but when you look through your peephole, you see none other than the very boy you’ve been worrying about. 

“beomgyu?” you say incredulously when you swing open the door. immediately, he embraces you, and you feel hot tears streaming down your neck as he nuzzles his face into it. you hold him as best as you can as you rub circles into his back and try to shush his cries.

“it’s okay, i’m here,” you tell him, and he whines. you try to break away to get a good look at him, but he just pulls you in even closer, as if you’re his only lifeline in this world, and in a way, you are.

after his breathing slows and his sobs die out, he reluctantly parts from you, so you hold his hand and lead him to your couch. his eyes are swollen and bloodshot while his nose is a bright pink, but he never once takes his eyes off of you for fear of letting you out of his sight. in his mind, you can’t leave as long as he can see you.

“are you alright?” you tentatively ask, hand still holding his and soothingly caressing it in an attempt to calm him down. he goes to nod before stopping himself and shaking his head in the negative. your eyes soften even more at the action.

“do you want to talk about what happened?” you try, and he nods before clearing his throat.

“i, um, i woke up and i was at this woman’s house. she… she wanted me to get undressed, but i didn’t want to, so she started doing it for me.” you wince at his words, but he’s not finished yet. 

“she kept touching me, and it was so disgusting i just — i just couldn't stand it, so i ran away and came here. i don’t mean to make your life harder, and i won’t ask for you to stay the night with me anymore, but if you could just let me stay here, i promise i’ll learn how to clean or do anything you want. please, just don’t make me —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,” you say softly, but firmly. “you are not making my life harder. you can stay here as much as you want and do whatever you want while you’re here. i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean for this to happen. i was just so busy with work, and by the time i realized it, somebody had already booked you. i promise you that it’ll never happen again, okay? so you don't have to be afraid. i’m not leaving you, and i won’t let anyone hurt you, either.” 

you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone look so relieved before. it looks as though you just saved his life, and to beomgyu, you essentially did. he holds your hand even tighter, as if you’re the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of this planet. 

“wait here, i’ll get you some clothes,” you say gently, but as you go to leave, he holds you even tighter. your eyebrow quirks in a silent question at his actions, and he looks sheepish for a moment before saying his next words.

“c-can we just stay like this for a bit? just for a little while? i’m still scared,” he mumbles, and your heart melts.

“of course. come here,” you beckon, and he falls into your arms and rests his head on your shoulder, breathing your scent in as he tries to imprint this moment into his hardware. you stay like that for a while before you finally convince him to change out of his uncomfortable clothes. he reluctantly lets you go, and his eyes follow you everywhere you walk. 

that night, you stay up later than usual to spend more time with him. he stays glued to your side and ensures that he’s always touching you in some way, which is endearing in a way you can’t seem to put into words. when you’re about to head to bed for the night, you swear you hear him whimper, but he lets you go, anyway. as you lay your head down and get comfortable under the covers, you hear a timid knocking on your door. you call him in, and his gaze shyly flickers between you and the floor. 

“c-can i stay with you tonight? i won’t bother you, i swear. it’s just — i just still feel weird. y-you can say no! i just thought that —”

“come here,” you softly interrupt, and he doesn’t hesitate to listen. he closes the door behind him and shuffles towards you, stopping uncertainly at the edge of the bed in a silent plea for permission to enter it. you feel a weird, warm feeling in your chest when he does it. you scoot over and pat the open space next to you before he gathers enough courage to slide in. you cover him with your blanket, and he stiffly accepts it. you giggle at his awkwardness and cuddle up to him, placing your arms around his waist before thinking better of it. how could you just invade his personal space when he’s clearly traumatized? you go to remove your arms and scoot away before he firmly locks you in place.

“it’s okay,” he whispers, settling himself into your embrace and mindlessly toying with the ends of your hair.

“are you sure?” you ask.

“i’m sure.”

it isn't long before beomgyu hears your breathing slow down, and eventually he hears you begin to snore. he smiles at the sound. he can't really sleep, but he's perfectly content with watching you rest. he continues to play with your hair, and you nuzzle into his touch every so often. he doesn’t want to repeat the events leading up to tonight, but he would do it all over again — any number of times — with a smile on his face if it meant he got to be with you like this again. 

-

the next morning, beomgyu waits for the usual delivery guy from the company to pick him up, but it’s currently way past the usual pickup time. he’s most certainly not complaining, but you don’t seem even remotely fazed by the matter. however, while you’re casually flipping through your streaming catalog literal hours after he’d already be gone, he can’t stop himself from asking:

“um, d-do you know when i’m being picked up?” you pause, and he worries that he may have said the wrong thing before you turn to him.

“do you want to be picked up?” you ask solemnly.

“n-no! of course not. it’s just, you know, i’d usually be gone by now, so i —” 

“do you want to stay here? with me, i mean,” you interrupt.

“i… i do,” he replies with a gulp. usually, that’d be all you get from him, but it feels like the perfect opportunity to be honest about his feelings. “i always want to stay with you, but i know i’m expensive, and i don’t want to be a bother.” he looks ashamed as he admits it, but if he had the courage to look in your eyes, he’d note the fondness that lies within them.

“i told you that you’re not a bother to me. i also told you that you could stay here for as long as you want, remember?” and he does, so he nods. 

“alright. i meant it when i said it last night, and i mean it now. if you want to be here, you can stay for as long as you’d like. you don't have to worry about your owners anymore, i promise.” and he thinks he’s never seen you as serious as you are now. he wonders what you mean before it dawns on him.

“you… did you buy me?” he asks in disbelief.

“y-yeah. i’m sorry, it sounds so gross when i hear it out loud, but that doesn’t mean that i own you or anything. what i really wanted to buy was your freedom, so you can stay as long as you want, but that also means that you can leave whenever you want, too.”

“i’m so sorry,” he says in a hushed, hurried tone. “i know i'm expensive. i’m really sorry.”

“money is not an object to me,” you dismiss in faux arrogance with a wave of your hand in hopes that it’ll lighten the mood, but beomgyu can’t stop the tears from falling over his waterlines, and you’re afraid your attempt to help him only made him feel more indebted to you. all worry is promptly washed away when you feel him pull you into his arms. 

“thank you,” he just barely breathes out. “i don’t know how i’ll ever pay you back, but i’ll try, i swear.”

“you don’t have to do anything for me, beoms. i should’ve done it a lot sooner, but i’m just a little slow, i guess,” you muse, and he chuckles softly into your neck.

-

sleeping with beomgyu should’ve only happened once, but every night when you say you’re heading to bed, he looks at you with puppy eyes and you find yourself inviting him to come along. each time, he looks so excited that if he had a tail, it would most certainly be wagging. he obediently follows you to your room and settles into the empty space next to you before holding you in his arms as you drift off. he’s even taken to humming the tunes of songs he likes when you struggle to settle down, and his baritone voice lulls you to sleep like a charm every time. he spends his time by just looking at you and trying to reconcile with his new reality. this is real. he gets to spend however many nights he wants next to you, as per your own words. even if you didn’t mean them, he plans to take them seriously. he is perfectly content with spending the rest of his life just sleeping with you, looking at you, being with you. 

-

soobin’s get together is tonight, and you look different than usual. your typical look is very casual, which makes sense because you’re only ever at home when you’re with him, but you are now primped and ready to be seen, and it makes him anxious because you look even more lovable. he knows these people are your friends, so they must’ve seen you dressed up before, but that only makes him all the more uneasy; they know a side of you he is only now seeing, and it makes that same old ugly feeling he's grown so accustomed to sprout in his chest. 

when you arrive at soobin’s place, the first thing you do when soobin swings open the door is jump in his arms like you didn’t just see him a week ago. he spins you around with a dimpled grin that’s so sincere, beomgyu feels emotionally decimated by it. you both giggle as you break apart, and the jealousy beomgyu feels brewing within feels unpacifiable. 

“is this beomgyu?” soobin asks, grin still very much apparent.

“yes! you’re gonna love him,” you answer giddily. 

“it’s nice to meet you,” soobin says warmly while stretching out his hand, which beomgyu awkwardly shakes while he tries to force his lips to curl upwards in what he prays is a believable smile.

“nice to meet you,” he mumbles.

“everyone’s already here, but you’re late as always,” soobin playfully chastises, and you pout in response.

everyone greets you when you walk in, mostly by hugging you and lightheartedly scolding you for not coming out anymore. they’re very clearly bantering with you, but each reproach feels like a knife to beomgyu’s heart. he’s the reason you haven’t seen them in so long. 

clueless to it all, you introduce him as your friend to everyone, which only makes him feel worse, somehow. he is just one friend out of many, meanwhile you’re his entire world. you’re far too caught up in the joy of seeing some of your favorite people after so long to notice his dismay, however.

you lead him to soobin’s couch to have a seat with you and one of your friends, taehyun maybe, offers him a drink, to which he awkwardly declines. you quickly follow up with something to the effect of “he isn’t much of a drinker,” and beomgyu nods in affirmation. you try your best to include beomgyu in conversation, but they’re all talking about people and places he doesn't know. all he knows is you, and the world you two built together seems smaller and smaller with every new topic of conversation. 

he notices that soobin seems to be eyeing him somewhat strangely, though he tries his best to play it off. he could just attribute it to surface level curiosity, but his intuition tells him it’s much deeper than that. is soobin sizing up his competition? maybe so, but there’s not much to see. beomgyu is handsome, and he knows it, but soobin knows a side of you beomgyu has only ever heard stories about. you’ve told him about your friends and the goings on between you and your coworkers, but it pales in comparison to actually meeting them. he makes an internal note to ask even more questions than he usually does the next time you’re telling him about your day. until then, he sits as close to you as humanly possible and clings onto your arm, which is so second nature to you, you don't even notice that he’s doing it. 

soobin, who is usually not the inquisitive type, can’t help but question the dynamic between you and beomgyu. at first, the lingering glances and intimate gestures were innocuous enough to be written off as mere friendliness, but when you whisper something in beomgyu’s ear and he flushes a bright pink, soobin knows he can’t ignore it any longer. he especially can’t ignore it when you turn away from beomgyu and he raises a hand to the ear you just whispered into as if he’s reliving the moment. well, time to test his theory. 

soobin slides into the open cushion next to you and begins excitedly chattering about how pretty you look tonight, and he even takes your braided hair into his hands and twirls it between his fingers.

“your hair looks pretty,” he muses.

“beomgyu did it, actually,” you grin, and soobin glances over to said boy, who is currently glaring daggers at him. the look in beomgyu’s eyes is so intense, he almost wants to back off, but he has to get to the bottom of this. 

“did he? you know, it’s been a while since you stayed over. wanna have a sleepover tonight? you have some clothes here from last time, and we can cuddle, i know you like that,” he says as innocently as he possibly can. 

before you can even reply, beomgyu is slamming his hands on the coffee table. you turn to face him in surprise, and the look on his face is the angriest you’ve ever seen him. his eyes are dark and his nostrils are flared as he heavily breathes. he’s never been angry at all in front of you, actually, so to say you’re taken aback is the understatement of the century. 

“beoms? what’s wrong?” you ask concernedly, completely turning away from soobin. your voice is enough to somewhat placate him, but before he can fully calm down, soobin is saying his next words.

“i’m sure he’s fine. beomgyu, you can find your way home tonight on your own, can’t you?” beomgyu is positively seething at this. before you can question him again, he’s gripping your hand so tightly it’s like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning, so you excuse the both of you and drag him to the bathroom for some privacy.

“are you alright?” you ask, frantically scanning his figure for some sort of sign of pain or discomfort. 

“i-i’m fine, i just, uh, i don’t feel good,” he says flatly. 

“what’s wrong? is it too much? do we need to go home?” he’s so flustered, he barely registers that you’re calling your house “home”, but he still notices it in spite of everything, and it’s like a balm on his aching heart. 

“y-yeah, can we go home? please?” he pleads, and you hurriedly nod. 

“of course, just let me say bye to everyone before we leave, okay?” and he wants to say no, but he’s as weak as ever in front of you, so he relents.

that doesn’t stop him from gripping your hand, though, as you say goodbye to everyone. you go to give soobin your usual hug, but beomgyu pulls you back to him even more tightly. you write it off as him not feeling well and just wanting to leave as soon as possible, to which you oblige, and before you know it, you two are scurrying out of soobin’s place like there’s something chasing you.

as you’re driving home, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket, but it isn’t until you’re walking through your doorway that you check it. 

soobie: we need to talk. call me as soon as you get home

you’re worried beyond belief at his serious tone, so you tell beomgyu that you’ve got to make a call before ducking into your bedroom. you don’t shut the door behind you, because why would you? 

you quickly call soobin and the line connects after just one ring.

“what’s wrong?” you ask anxiously, and soobin just sighs, which makes you all the more anxious.

“we have to talk about beomgyu.” 

“beomgyu? what about him? is something wrong?” you question.

“yeah, i mean, maybe. this might sound crazy, but i think — i know — he likes you.” you’re stunned silly for just a moment before bursting into laughter.

“likes me? what the hell are you talking about?” you dismiss, and you sense his agitation even through the phone.

“i’m serious. i had a feeling before, but tonight just confirmed it. he likes you.” you’re silent for a moment, just trying to process his words, but once your mind somewhat clears, you can’t help but deny, deny, deny.

“you’re wrong. it’s not like that at all. i’m just the first person who’s ever treated him nicely, and i —” 

“you’re not listening,” he cuts in irritatedly. “he looked like he wanted to skin me alive tonight. how else do you explain that?” 

“soobie,” you sigh. “you’ve got it all wrong. maybe you’re right and maybe he was feeling insecure, but that’s probably because i’m the only person he knows. he most likely just felt like you were stealing my attention away.” 

“you’re always so dense about these things, you know?” he groans. “okay, look, i’m not sure how they came about, but i do know that he has feelings for you. maybe it started out as dependence, i’m not sure, but it’s definitely much more than that now.” 

“that’s impossible,” you snort, actually feeling a bit impatient now. how could he possibly think that your relationship with beomgyu was anything other than platonic? 

“why? because he’s a robot?” oh, that shuts you up. “just think about it. if he were a human, would you still be saying the same thing? like i said before, if he’s as human as you say he is, he can feel the same way we do, and he’s definitely capable of feeling love, too.” you are, again, stunned into silence. suddenly, as if there was a fog that covered your brain before, things that you never really considered become clear to you. the soft touches, the gentleness. sleeping in the same bed and waiting for you to get home. wanting you — needing you — around all the time. the way he plays with your hair. the way he’s so interested in everything you have to say. the clinginess, the dependence. it all makes so much more sense to you. 

“i —” you begin, but you just so happen to glance up and see beomgyu right outside of your doorway… looking absolutely devastated. 

“i’ve gotta go,” you tell soobin as you hang up, not even bothering to say your usual goodbye. 

“beoms, did you hear us?” you ask tentatively, and he flinches a little bit before looking down at the floor and nodding.

you’re unsure of how to navigate this situation from here, but while you’re still trying to figure it out, beomgyu speaks.

“i-i’m so sorry,” he says hurriedly. “i understand if you don’t want me anymore.” 

“w-what? no, i —” 

“i’m just really sorry,” he says, looking as ashamed as a person ever could. “i know it’s wrong, i know it’s disgusting, but i —” 

“beomgyu.” 

“but i can’t help it. i wish i could, but i just can’t; and i understand if you want to return me or whatever, but if you could just —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,”  you interrupt firmly, no room for argument. he stares at you with defeated eyes, and you feel your heart break in two. “i am not disgusted, and i don’t want to return you.” his eyebrows furrow as if he doesn't quite understand, so you continue. 

“your feelings are not disgusting to me, don’t ever say that again, okay? please? it makes me sad,” you plead, and he hesitantly nods. “i think it’s normal, actually. you don’t really know anybody else other than me, so of course you’re confused.” 

“confused?” he asks incredulously, eyes snapping up to meet yours.

“confused,” you nod. “it'll change once you meet more people, i swear.” you try to smile reassuringly, but suddenly, you see tears welling up in beomgyu’s eyes. 

“beoms?” you carefully try.

“i don't need to meet more people. i just need you,” he chokes out. “don't tell me i'm confused because i'm not. i-i'd rather you just say you don't want to be with me than tell me that.” your heart clenches at his words, but he continues. 

“i just want to be with you, no one else,” he tells you desperately. “i can understand if you don't feel the same way, but i can't stand to hear you say i don’t love you, because i do. i really, really do.” and as if you're dissociating, your mind is bombarded by times where he's shown you this exact sentiment. again, you go back to every intimate moment you two have ever shared. it was easy to just chalk it up to his lack of experience, but when he's telling you that's not the case so earnestly, is it truly possible to still believe it’s nothing? after a while, you decide that it most certainly is not. 

the question is: do you feel the same way? you try to put a name to the feelings you have when you’re with him. the trust you have, the understanding. the desire to share everything you know and like with him, no matter how mundane it may seem to others; and consequently, the endearment towards him when you see how eager he is to listen. more than that, the intimacy between you two. how you like waking up to him smiling down at you, and how when something happens, he’s the first one you want to tell, good or bad. how when you listen to new music, you feel excited at the prospect of sharing it with him. 

you realize you want to know more about him, the happy things and even the sad things. why he is the way that he is, why he thinks the way he thinks. the peace you feel when he’s running his fingers through your hair and holding you close when you watch the same film for the dozenth time. you try to picture a world where somebody else rented him. a world in which somebody else got to see him as soon as they wake up or as soon as they get home from a particularly grueling day at work, and you finally understand that you wouldn’t like that at all. but why? you’ve only ever thought of him as a friend, right? so why does it matter to you? 

your eyes focus on beomgyu again, and you notice how utterly defeated he looks. his heart is on full display for you — and you alone — as tears stream freely down his pretty, doll-like face. are these tears just for you? you think so. is it safe to trust that these feelings he has for you are real? you’re not sure, but you want to. still, there’s something stopping you.

“i think… i think i feel the same way,” you admit, and his previously downtrodden appearance immediately lights up with hope. “but we shouldn’t.” and the words are like lead in your mouth. 

“why not?” he asks, clearly distressed. you just gave him an inch, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take a mile. he never in a million years would have thought that you’d ever reciprocate his feelings, so he can’t just let them go so easily.

“i just… it’s just not something that i can —” 

“is it because i’m an android?” he questions, voice teeming with self-loathing. 

“n-no! i mean, we’re just so different,” you tell him, trying to skirt around the topic as best as you possibly can, but he won’t have it.

“whatever it is, i’ll change it. please? i can do anything,” he pleads. 

“it’s not like that. i want to, but we can't. i-i'll get older. i won't look the same — i won't be the same,” and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit it out loud, but you mean it. beomgyu’s urgent gaze softens, and he inches closer to you before he’s standing before you. he reaches out to gently cup your face and tenderly pushes your hair behind your ears.

“and what about me?” 

“what about you?” you scoff, but you don't pull away from his touch, though your eyes do dart away. “you’ll still be you, and i’ll be old and —” 

“what about when my parts start creaking? what about when i don’t remember things like i’m supposed to? you’ll still love me then, right?” he asks, but he already knows, and your eyes snap back to his.

“th-that’s different. you can get repairs. i can’t —” 

“then i won’t. you’ll get old and gray and i’ll get rundown and out-of-date. i don’t care what happens, as long as i’m with you.” you’re silent in the wake of his heavy words, so he quickly continues.

“you told me that when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you said you always find a way, and i want to find a way to be with you.” your heart simultaneously warms and aches at this sentiment. 

you consider what it would be like to be with him. things would be difficult, yes, but not impossible. maybe you’ll come to regret it someday, but you don’t want to think about that right now. you feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you think of the fact that somebody so beautiful, inside and out, wants to be with you. you don't think you’ve done anything particularly special for him, but he still wants and accepts you for everything that you are and ever will be.

“okay,” you say shakily, and you finally recognize that his hands are still very much cupping your face, fingers lovingly rubbing against your cheeks. he smiles in pure relief at your answer, but he makes no move to break away his hold on you. 

you notice how his gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips, and you decide you'll have mercy on him as you lean up to him and press a chaste kiss on his pouty lips before parting. he’s visibly red at the action, and you grin at how flustered he looks. on beomgyu’s end, he feels another bloom of excitement and swell of hope threatening to overcome him. when he looks at the playfulness in your eyes, he smiles even wider. 

“i love you,” he whispers affectionately.

you pause before you tell him:

“i love you, too, beoms.”

-

that night, beomgyu is even clingier than usual. he sticks like gum to your side. when you head to sleep, he eagerly nestles in your bed and holds his arms wide open. you follow his lead and settle into his warm embrace. he sings you one of his favorite songs you’ve ever shown him. the last words you hear before you sink into sleep are:

“to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die

to die by your side, well

the pleasure, the privilege is mine”

notes pt. 2: sfw work ends here!

you and beomgyu have been “together” for a few weeks now, so the relationship is still very new. surprisingly or not, things seem more or less the same. you guess you never realized just how intimate you two have always been until you put a label on things. the only tangible differences are that instead of just a mere hug when he greets you, he plants kisses all over your face before finding his ways to your lips. and when you’re watching movies or even just talking, he’ll steal a kiss or two. and when you head to bed, you know you can expect him to catch your lips like a man starved before you sleep. things get heated, sometimes, but they never lead to anything besides labored breaths and promises to calm himself down. you take his hesitancy as him wanting to take it slow and treasure your first time together, and you realize he still may be traumatized from the years he spent as a sexbot. 

you have apologized to him for telling soobin his secret. you let him know your reasoning for telling him, and he accepted your apology quite graciously. honestly? he was never mad, and he tells you that very clearly, but you still feel somewhat guilty even when he says he understands. your guilt is only absolved when he says he’s thankful you told soobin because things may have never changed without his wise input. he says that he’s grateful to soobin for being a voice of reason in the face of your emotional density. you blushed when he told you this, and apologized for being so slow on the uptake, but he just assured you that he wouldn’t have you any other way, which made you love him even more, somehow. 

you’re now about to go to soobin’s again for another get together with your friends. second time’s the charm, you cheekily told him when you brought it up, and he blushed in response. when you two walk through the doorway, everyone cheers. you greet everyone as usual, and beomgyu tries his best to keep his searing jealousy at bay, but his anxiety starts clawing at him as soobin seats himself next to you and asks you how you are. 

you giggle and tell him you’re doing well, and he responds by updating you on his tumultuous work life. beomgyu immediately wonders why you haven’t told soobin about your new relationship. are you embarrassed to be seen with him? it’s not like he doesn’t understand, what with him technically being made out of wires and machinery. of course a human like you wouldn’t want to be seen with a metal man like him. you could have the entire world in your hands if you wanted, so what’s the point of playing pretend with a fake like him? maybe, if he were you, he’d be embarrassed, too. he likes to think that maybe you aren’t like that, but at the end of the day, how could you not be? he’s nothing more than a robot masquerading as the real thing. 

his anxiety worsens the more in depth your conversation with soobin gets. you try to include him by briefly giving him context about the stories soobin tells, but he can’t stop himself from worrying. again, he feels like soobin is stealing you away from him, and his mood sours. 

your other friends try to talk to him, too, but he’s very obviously in a bad mood as he watches you two continue to laugh together. when you finally do turn to beomgyu, you immediately notice how awful he looks. 

“beoms? are you alright?” you ask gingerly, but beomgyu’s discomfort is not at all placated even at the term of endearment. 

“‘m fine,” he mumbles, and you’re genuinely in shock at his change of attitude. soobin looks very concerned, but he excuses himself to get a drink so you two can work it out, though he has an inkling of an idea of what’s triggering beomgyu. 

“what’s wrong with you?” you ask concernedly, but he shakes his head sulkily.

“do you wanna go home?” you offer, and he immediately nods. you look torn for a second, but when you see how sad he looks, you know you can’t deny him.

you say your goodbyes to your friends and apologize for leaving early, but everyone says they understand. soobin makes you promise to host the next get together, though, to which you happily agree. 

the ride home is mostly silent, but you look over to beomgyu in concern every so often. you grab his hand and squeeze it in a way you hope is comforting, but he doesn’t look any better at all.

when you enter your house, you immediately head to your bedroom, and he follows you in silence. you sit on the bed and pat the space next to you. 

“beoms, what’s the matter?” you ask pleadingly as you grab his hands, and his heart, which was previously aching, is (a little) soothed by your concern. 

“i-it’s nothing,” he answers, but you can tell that he’s lying because of the way he refuses to make eye contact with you. 

“baby, i can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” you say. you’re right, and he knows you’re right, but you’re already doing him the favor of a lifetime just by deigning to be with him. how could he dare to ask for more? he’s ashamed at the thought, but you look so sincere, and he knows in his metaphorical heart that he needs to be able to communicate with you if you two are going to have any shot at a lasting relationship.

“i-i’m just j-jealous,” he sputters. 

“oh, baby, why?” you ask. 

“because i’m not like you,” he admits after a pause. “i already feel like i’m not good enough for you, so seeing you with someone who actually is makes me feel awful.”

“who? soobin?” and you’re absolutely petrified when he sheepishly nods. 

“honey, it’s not like that at all,” you tell him. “we’re just friends, i promise.” 

“but it would be so much easier to be with him. you wouldn’t have to be ashamed about telling everyone you’re with an android,” he argues. 

“beomgyu, i am not ashamed of you. i just wasn’t sure if you felt comfortable with me telling everyone. if you want me to tell them, i’ll happily do it. you’re so good, how could i ever be embarrassed of you?” his eyes soften.

“do you mean it?” he asks, and you nod. 

“do i not show it enough? how much i love you, i mean.” he furiously shakes his head no, but you know it’s a lie. beomgyu himself will admit that he needs more validation than most people, and it’s going to take him a while to ever get over it because of his own issues. that doesn’t mean you can’t try to help him, though, so you brush his cheek with your hands before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. 

“does this make you feel better?” you ask after you pull away, but he still looks somewhat depressed, so you pull him in again before pressing your lips against his. this time, you swipe your tongue on his pout, which makes him gasp. you tease your tongue against his and electricity thrums between you two when you do it. he reciprocates your enthusiasm immediately, and before long, you’re both sucking and teasing each other until you’re out of breath.

you pull away again and rest your forehead against his. 

“better?” you question.

“a little,” he says. “m-maybe a little more?” you grin at his coquettishness, and you go in for another kiss. your tongues tangle, but you don’t stop there. your mouth travels, peppering kisses down his jaw to his sensitive neck. he shivers at the contact when you swipe your tongue over his unmarred skin before lightly sucking. he lets out a broken moan when you do it, and it reverberates throughout your entire body and straight to your core. 

“better?” you ask again.

“m-more,” he pants. 

“anything you want, baby,” you tease before your lips hungrily capture his. one of your hands snakes its way up his shirt, and he gasps when you roll his hardened nipple between your fingers. beomgyu is more sensitive than most people, as is the nature of his model, so every little touch drives him crazy. 

you seem to have noticed this, so when your other hand palms his hardened length through his sweatpants and he almost screams, you have to bite back a giggle. 

“d-don’t tease,” he begs, and you’d do anything for beomgyu, really, but not this time.

you palm him even more harshly and his breath catches in his throat. 

“more?” you ask, and he fervently nods. you oblige, sliding your hand under his waistband and teasing the sensitive skin around his length. your fingers brush against it every so often, and he involuntarily bucks every time you do. 

“c-can i touch you?” he practically implores.

“of course, my love,” you tell him as you remove your devious hands and pull your top off before unclipping your bra. 

his mouth waters when he sees you, and you can see him gulp almost comically as his big hands meet your breasts. he copies your movement from earlier, rolling your sensitive buds between his very clearly experienced fingers. you let out a contented sigh at the action, but you won’t let this be all about you, so your hand sneaks it way back down his pants. this time, you grab his girthy cock and give it a harsh tug. his actions stutter, and you smirk devilishly at how fucked out he is when the fun part hasn’t even begun. 

you pull at his waistband, and he eagerly tugs his pants and boxers off as soon you do it. he even goes as far as to tear his t-shirt off over his head before he pulls your half-naked body flush against his, falling onto the bed as he desperately kisses you for everything that you’re worth. eventually, he situates himself on top of you, rutting his thick, long cock onto your still clothed thigh. you didn’t really get a chance to get a good look at him before, but you’re able to look down at him now, and you realize his dick is gorgeous. just like every other part of him. it stands tall, blushing profusely at the tip and practically weeping precum. it’s a bit hooked, too, no doubt to elicit the most pleasure out of his clients. your pussy is drenched just thinking about how it’ll feel when it’s inside of you.

he almost rips your bottoms off of you and his mouth waters even more at the sight of your pussy, all slick and glistening in anticipation for what’s to come. 

“so gorgeous,” he whispers as he prepares to lay himself between your legs, but you hook them around his waist before he can do so. tonight will be all about him, you’ve decided, so you tug him closer and put one of his pretty nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue on it and occasionally nipping at the sensitive skin. your other hand continues to tweak the other one before you alternate between the two, causing him to let out a low, guttural groan. 

eventually, he goes in for another kiss, all tongue and teeth and saliva, and you take one of your hands and harshly clench around the base of his throbbing cock. 

“is this what you needed, beoms?” you tease, and he nods pathetically as you tug again, harder this time, and let your hands stroke all the way up to his reddened tip. your thumb glides over his slit, and he’s seeing stars. 

“i don’t know why you’re so jealous of someone else, my love. you’re so perfect,” you praise, and his ears get even redder, somehow, in spite of the situation you’re both in.

“i — nghh — i don’t like when you’re with him,” he pants, in spite of everything you're doing to him. “only want you with me.”

“oh, baby, you have me,” you coo. “always.” and with that, you begin to feverishly jerk him off with one hand while the other returns to his nipple. his hips buck with every movement, and his eyes are screwed shut. you can tell he’s about to come before you completely take your hands off of him. 

“n-no! w-why?” he asks with a crack in his voice, watery eyes shooting open at the sudden action.

“don’t you wanna come in my pussy, instead? it’s warmer and wetter than my hand,” you ask with faux innocence with a tilt of your head, and his previously aggrieved demeanor morphs back into pure lust. 

“that’s what i thought,” you giggle as you grab his length and rub it against your slickness. he groans at the feeling, but you don’t immediately take him in, opting to instead roll your hips up, just barely letting his flared head catch against your entrance. 

“baby, please,” he whines, and with a smirk, you finally wrap your legs around his waist and line him up with your entrance. you just barely take the tip in, easing it into your pussy, before you force him out again. he gasps raggedly at how tight you are, and he’s wound up so much, he feels like he’s on the brink of exploding. he’s about to take matters into his own hands before you guide him back inside of you, and he feels your walls struggling to accommodate him. 

“s-so tight! h-how are you so tight?” he hisses, eyes reddened and face strained, but you’re far too busy with the euphoric feeling of him finally inside of you to reply. he eases in inch after throbbing inch, and it is a snug fit, indeed. he almost wonders if he’ll even fit, but though the stretch burns you, the pleasure is too great to ignore. finally, your walls slightly relax, and he’s able to completely sheath himself in you. you both moan as his tip pulsates against your cervix, and he considerately gives you time to adjust, walls contracting wildly around him, before he attempts to pull out and really begin. 

“stop,” you command before he can do so, and his eyes fill with worry at your words. 

“w-what’s wrong?” he stutters. 

“oh, nothing,” you say between pants. “i just want to see how long you can last.” 

“w-what do you —”

and you interrupt him with a kiss. he ravenously reciprocates it, and he can’t help but unconsciously thrust his hips, tapping deliciously on the deepest parts of you, but you prevent him from ever fully pulling out. you tangle one of your hands through his hair and grip it — not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him groan into your mouth. 

“c-can i move?” he pleads, but you shake your head no. 

“why?” he whimpers, but you just smirk as you kiss him again and bite his bottom lip. 

he doesn’t know how long you two stay like that, but it’s far too long for his liking. he feels his dick swell, and you still refuse to let him move, but you teasingly scrape your fingers against his balls and it’s all he can do not to come. 

“p-please let me move, it hurts,” he cries, tears now flowing from his eyes. for once, sex is all about beomgyu and what feels good to him. he could cry just from the sentiment alone, but his current tears are the direct result of how you’re teasing him.

“and where does it hurt, baby? use your words, i know you can.” 

“h-hurts, my c-cock hurts,” he sputters out. 

“and would pounding my pussy make you feel better?” you goad, and he whines even louder at the imagery. 

“y-yes,” he sobs, and you smile as you say your next words.

“such a good boy. you can move.” and that’s all it takes, really, before he’s pulling out despite your cunt’s attempts to suck him back in, and ramming himself back inside of you again and again.

the curve of his cock hits places previously untouched, and your walls spasm around him at the sensation.

“does it feel good, beoms?” 

“s-so good,” he mumbles as drool pools off of his tongue and out of his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head. “so warm and t-tight.” you clench against your will at his filthy words, and it makes a strangled cry leave his throat. 

“pussy so good, baby. your pussy is the b-best,” he babbles, and your lips meet his again before your mouth travels down, sucking a blooming hickey onto his neck. he trembles at the pain that comes with the pleasure, but somehow, he still has the presence of mind to roll his skilled fingers against your clit. just a few touches, and you already feel your orgasm approaching. he can feel every spasm of yours, and it makes his dick twitch inside of you as he wildly fucks you open. 

he’s drilling into you so hard, you have to dig your fingernails into the skin of his back to keep yourself grounded. with each thrust, you feel more and more like you’re about to burst. 

“gonna come!” you whine. 

“do it, baby. c-come all over my cock,” he pleads.

“come inside? want it so bad,” you mewl.

“of course, my angel. a-anything for you,” he tells you as he tenderly brushes your hair out of your sweaty face, and he hammers himself into you at an inhuman pace as you feel the pressure in you crescendo into a searing hot orgasm. you clench even tighter around him while you come, gripping him so forcefully he can barely pull out, so his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated before he rams himself into you one last time and paints your inner walls with his cum.

you two stay like that for a while, just panting and basking in the feeling of closeness you feel. he presses a kiss on your forehead as he relaxes his arms and lays on top of you. you giggle at the intimacy and he finds himself sharing your laughter, your joy. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he says between breaths, nuzzling his face into your neck and sighing. “i love you.”

“i love you, too, beoms,” you tell him, and you do love him. unconditionally.

notes pt. 3: :,) :,) :,)))))) i'm very sorry if this was disappointing but i hope it was worth it! i would love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions you may have about this fic/universe. feedback is needed to a disgusting degree bc i need validation to survive #sorry

[taglist]

permanent (sfw/[n]sfw): @my313 @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @midwinterblizzard @everythingvirgoes @sooberryworld @20-cms @inkigayocamman @hyueika @boba-beom @vicurious28 @blossommi @lickingan0rchid @katsukis1wife @binniebakery @notevenheretbh1 @shymexican @that1sadgrl @archoive @paegesoobin @buttercreamerie @ifwtxt @softesyoongi @serenityism00 @fairfootedflekk @kyanmeai @definitelynotherr @hyunj00 @taehyunluvrs @m00gyu @denleave1088 @hwanghyunjinismybae @bmo-bri

an iron man: @beomieboi @eunwoo-headquarters @theresstardustinmyblood @prince-jjae @kodzukengaming @va1ry @explosiveyogurt @run4gyu @luv-joonie

if you want to join any of my taglists, please join here!

[p-oisn]

spread some love  💗

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

IM JS gonna do ppl who i interact w the most okay </3

@obrigados - real question here is why do you not likw them 😖😖 fav of favs LIKE cá blog is ARTT if user obrigados has a million fans im one of them if user obrigados has a thousand fans im one of them if user obrigados has 1 fan THAT IS ME if the world is agaisnt cá I AM AGAINST THE WORLD obrigados fan till the day i die 🔛🔝 no one can compare !

@yeritos - oh june just gets me !!!!!!!! my nctzen twin ilysm ... 😞 I always yap to june (thats my bad !) n she always listens ☹️💖💖 js such a silly person their comments make me giggle very much also thee most breathtaking blog ever like how can you not love june they always make my day #junefanclub4life

@minslune - literally the sweetest person ever how could you not love my angel 😞 js so supportive n amazing n she always asks ab my day like #?! how cute could she get ☹️☹️ also such an ethereal blog I adore it very much ! ALWAYS MAKING ME SMILE EAR TO EAR LIKE sotp pls ilysm 😞😞💞💞💞

@wiotas - idk i just love < leo 3 SO MUCH they have my entire heart how can you not love them 💖💖😞 they always make my day n they also have such a beautiful blog like !!!! leo is simply the definition of perfect idk what to tell you ☹️

@koosuvi - literally gave me sm motivation thru my exam szn like I love mar so much :( literally the most supportive person ever n js so fun to talk to n sweet n amazing n everything 😖

@jeonzio - tee is literally the silliest person i know !!!! can truly embrace my inner silliness around her n i js love talking to her ITS SO FUN ☹️ (i miss yoy already come back plz i can feel my chest collapsing ...💔)

@fairytopea - ILU literally the best mb creator EVER im literally so obsessed w vini's mbs i could talk abt them ALL DAAAAY ! js soo creative n amazing everyone needs to take notes from user fairytopea NOWW

@y2qi - literally always makes my day like ... her comments make me smile SMM they're so silly istg getting a comment from nini is like a blessing 😖 also such a beautiful blog EVERYONE FOLLOW NINI RN

@jaes1lvr - I LOVE MELY 💞💞 no bc her blog is so underrated like her creativity when it comes to mbs is OUT OF THIS WORLD istg they're the prettiest thing ive laid my eyes on . i love them wholeheartedly n she deserves all the love in the world what can i say ! ALSOOO a purin AND jaehyun enthusiast ?? go follow her rn .

@f-loqweres - KARAPAN PUCCHI 🥹 we've had ... interesting .... conversations ! but i literally love them sm n they have such a special place in my heart <3 n jen js makes such GORGEOUS mbs likeeeee i could look at them forever ..... ilu jen

@gigittamic - GIGII 😖 literally the sweetest person ever , always drops by n sends smth cute in my inbox omg !!! also such a cute person her moodboards and dividers are thee cutest ever 💞 js such a creative person , i love her mwah

other ppl who are my favs ♡ @iwonbin , @thsv , @haenxn , @vivrhan , @y2jiz BUT we haven't rly interacted a lot so idk how to whip up a paragraph sorry 😞 (your sign to interact more yes yes idk how to start conversations) BUT I love all my mutuals smm , they're all very special to me !

[jenfaery]

spread some love  💗

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

oh well this is gonna be long...😅

@tookio : she is literally one of the most kind-hearted person I've met here and just the best and the most supportive 💗

@p-oisn : chi??!! can we like talk about her creativity she gives on making her moodboards? she deserves all the love she gets 💗

@gigittamic : gigi... we started interacting recently but wow like she's just such an awesome and amazing person and also very supportive 💗

@iluvrei : literally my BFF LORA, first she makes such banger moodboards and second she is just so so talented 💗

@yeritos : WE CAN NEVER FORGET THE YERITOS !! June is literally one of the best over here so of course i love her blog like how can we not?? 💗

@gaecoo : LITERALLY MY FAV PERSON EVER, i cannot describe the amount of elegant vibes I get from it's just like wow 💗

@fairytopea : vini is just super creative in just simple words, her acc is just sooo pretty that she keeps me in awe and i love her sm 💗

@y2qi : nini?? she's just so adorable like wawooo and I love her moodboards so much 💗

ps. i don't wanna make it too long so don't get discouraged if ur not here, just so ur as special 💞

[mimymomo]

Recently I rewatched High School Musical 3 and I’ve come to a realization: Gina’s ending in HSMTMTS s4 is literally a new interpretation of Gabriella’s ending in the the find HSM movie!

I always understand the importance and significance of Gina ending up staying in SLC and securing the movie deal — her finding that balance between her ambition/strive from career success and her desire for stability and need for community and proving she’s a better match for Ricky since her decision (and the entire finale/season itself) is a parallel to Nini and Ricky’s relationship in s2 (Nini would choose her career/growth over her relationship (which is completely understandable!) Gina wouldn’t. She’d fight for both).

I knew others saw the ending as kind of a stretch and unrealistic and while I accepted that rationale, I never personally agreed because the finale’s resolution never bothered me (mostly because Gina is tied with Ricky as my favorite character and I think she deserves nothing less than everything and all the happiness in the world).

I initially took Gina’s ending as the show updating the ending of HSM3 (which is where the season major inspiration is from) so Gina didn’t have to make a choice like Gabriella did. But on my recent rewatch I’ve realized I was completely wrong!

GABRIELLA — JUST LIKE GINA —CHOOSE BOTH!

Gabriella’s arc in the last movie was about her having to choose between attending Stanford at the cost of leaving high school school early and missing out on her prom, school musical and graduation or staying in Albuquerque and missing out on an once in a lifetime opportunity that would absolutely help in the future. Initially, at the behest of everyone around her including her mom, best friend and her own boyfriend, she chooses Stanford. She nearly misses out on all these events she’d been involved in and looking forward to attending and resolved herself to that fate until Troy shows up on prom night and reassures her that he wants to be with her and then she decides to go back to EHS and go to participate in her musical and graduation.

Now who does that sound like?? Just switch Gabriella’s name with Gina in s4!

Gabriella (Gina) had to choose between attending Stanford (New Zealand for a movie role) at the cost of leaving high school school early and missing out on her prom, school musical and graduation (leaving Ricky and all her friends behind for 6 months until after they all graduated and left EHS) or staying in Albuquerque (SLC) and missing out on an once in a lifetime opportunity that would absolutely help in the future. Initially, at the behest of everyone around her including her mom (Terri), best friend (Ms. Jenn in this case) and her own boyfriend (Ricky under the guise of it being the right thing to do), she chooses Stanford (New Zealand). She nearly misses out on everything and resolved herself to that fate until Troy (Ricky and her friends in the theater club) shows up and reassures her that he wants to be with her (the club giving their support at the signing, Ricky singing Love You Forever openly declaring his love for her) and then she decides to go back to EHS and go to participate in her musical and graduation (Gina changes the contract so she’s able to stay in SLC and negotiates with Quinn to make sure she has time in her schedule for her upcoming spring musical because doing that with Ricky/her friends is just as important to her as being Juliet in a major Hollywood blockbuster).

Gina, just like Gabriella before her, gets her cake and eats it too! She truly is hsmtmts’ Gabriella through and through!

[sparklyseblos]

i miss hsmtmts season 2 :(((

season 3 was good but like the vibes season 2 gave were just it!!

it was wholesome and even tho there was drama it was mostly external and wasn’t within the group. my silly little wildcats were happy (for the most part) and as seb said the one thing they had that north high didn’t was friendship!! which i felt like was lacked in s3 especially with the portwell-rina love triangle and the fact that seb, nini & big red weren’t there.

i’m not gonna deny the fact that there was some not-so-bright moments but i think for most of those moments there was always someone to help with that.

there’s also the fact that seblos, redlyn & portwell are my favourite ships and they were winning in s2 which is plus for me but i think one of the things i appreciated most about s2 was the friendship that came from it and the togetherness and support everyone had for one another (i’d say a good example of that was when everyone came together to give carlos the quinceañero he always wanted and deserved!)

also i feel like this was the one season where gini & rj were actually friends?? (minus the mini thing in 2x10 between gina and nini but was resolved by that absolutely iconic finale scene)

beauty and the beast was also SO GOOD (but tbh all of the productions that they’ve done in this show were incredible) and i love the friendships that came out of it like ash & ricky (which is adorable as well bc ash is big red’s gf and ricky is big red’s best friend) KOURT & SEB!! i loved their mother & son bond, carlos & gina were iconic, best choreographer duo everrr and ash & gina’s lovely sisterly bond was so sweet.

sorry ik i went on bit of a ramble here and i think you can tell from this post and my account that i just really love friendship but idk it was just really cute and i miss it. it also was the season when i started watching the show to so s2 has a very special place in my heart 🫶🏽

[kmjcngins1]

@tcemint

Hi, my love~ You weren't expecting this, were you? Well...surprise! I just wanted to give you a little something special because you deserve it, baby. I love getting chances to shower you in gifts, especially when you least expect it because your reactions are priceless but I also just love getting to spoil you at all times. I know you'll tell me I didn't need to get you anything but..I did anyways and you can't stop me! I'm gonna keep doing it because it's one of my favorite things to do for you. Besides, you've been working your ass off lately and I couldn't be prouder of you and everything you've done and achieved. I'll never stop telling you that every single day of our lives together so you better buckle up and prepare yourself! But aside from being the most hardworking man ever, you've been the best father to our baby girl. I love seeing you singing to her after I come back from a shower or something and you're having these little moments I know she's going to cherish forever (because I do too). Seeing you in this fatherly role has been the best thing that's ever happened to me, aside from finally getting together with you. Hyein and I genuinely couldn't be luckier to have you, Taeminnie. We love you to the moon and back. Yours forever, Nini. x First, a nice peony bouquet~

Some bits from Alexander McQueen -- the outfit will make sense later, trust me!

Bits from Amiri.

The Theragun Sense from Therabody.

Your guide for everyday well-being, Theragun Sense features relaxing massage therapy scientifically proven to relieve aches and pains, ease soreness, reduce stress, and help you sleep better. Take the guesswork out of your treatments with an LCD screen that acts as your personal guide, displaying easy-to-follow step-by-step massage and breathwork routines directly on the device. Choose from 5 preloaded routines, or personalize them to fit your needs by swapping and saving your favorite routines from the Therabody app. Plus, build daily stress-relieving habits with an immersive breathwork experience in the Therabody app featuring 3 visually-guided breathwork routines, relaxing TheraMind sound therapy, and haptic vibration cues directly on the device. Whisper-quiet, lightweight, and equipped with our patented triangle grip so you can easily reach anywhere on your body, Theragun Sense makes it easy to create an effective, personalized wellness routine. Theragun Sense is an FDA-registered medical device designed with strict quality and safety standards.

La Boite Concept x Supakitch LX Turntable for all our records.

So..I couldn't decide which one to get you which obviously meant I had to get both!

Bond No.9 New York Luxe Fragrance Trio & the TOM FORD Private Blend Woods Collection set.

And finally, this is why I said that Alexander McQueen outfit would make sense later. We're going to have a special date night at L'Effervescence in Tokyo while we're here. Don't worry, your manager agreed to watch Hyein for the night while we enjoy just a little more time to ourselves in one of our special places. Chef Shinobu Namae refers to the foodstuff producers who support L’Effervescence as “artisans” out of respect for their finely honed skills. The ingredients list, passed out by hand, is a chronicle of the producing regions Namae visits in his travels. Artisanal Vegetables, a dish that changes its appearance with each passing season, is one speciality. The love for nature that wells up from his pairings of umami from land and sea is the tale told through the cuisine here.

"Flavors we adore from this island where we were born and raised, and savors that have travelled from all over the world to see us. Both are somehow destined to meet on the plate. We come together to create a harmonious whole.

Our restaurant is a hermitage in the city, we hope you can escape from busy bustling life. Feel like you are deep in the forest or in the big ocean as you appreciate the blessings of nature.

Never forgetting the diligence and patience of the farmer, picture the magic of the invisible microorganisms in a glass or on a plate that effervesce your body and mind."

[deshimango]

maya (i hope you don’t mind the lil nickname) belovedest!!!!! happiest of birthdays to you <3 i hope you have/had the loveliest day filled with laughter and light and peace and i hope you spent it just like you wanted to! may this next year be nothing but kind to you. be as brilliant as you. and give you all the happiness you deserve. i am rooting for you always and wish you nothing but the best. may you be happy and healthy always angel. sending you all my love - nini. (also i promise you’re still getting a lil gift life has just been kicking my ass and i haven’t found the time to make it)

hi nini!!! thank you so much!!!! you have a such a way with words, i really appreciate all your support!!! it means so much to me 🥹 i’m sending all my love back!!!!!

[kuroosdarling]

tag all of your mutuals and put beside it the kind of person they are im really curious :)

oh boy !!! buckle up bc i am ready to pour out my love <33 i love all of my talented moots so i’m just going to say a few things about them and hopefully it answers your question !! hehe they’re all wonderful people and im super glad to know each and every one :’)

i have a lot more newer moots that i’d like to gush about too but i am v shy when it comes to interacting !!! so if we are moots and you’re not here it’s just bc i’m shy about tagging you !! :(<3

@myheroesaretired nesi !! she puts up with all my shit i stg lol she gets so many of my unfiltered thoughts … sry nesi </3 i feel like i’ve known her forever even tho it’s been a couple months pls!! she’s so easy to talk to and i’m v thankful for her support :’) literally think we were twins in a past life tbh !!

@sookisaurus risu !!! one of my first moots hehe risu is so incredibly welcoming and she looks after everyone <3 i love chatting with her any chance i can bc she’s so funny n always has something good to say <3 also whenever we start talkin bout kuroo it’s game over 😵‍💫🤍 we feed into each others brainrots and im always here for it !!

@mattsunkawa echo !! my bubs hehe omg she’s so funny n chill and i love talking to her sm <3 i bug her all the time PLS !! anytime we watch a new anime it’s tradition to yell to each other about it at this point. from aot -> op -> csm + bluelock lol !! i love when we share bits of our writing with each other just to rile the other one up lmfao !!

@oooohno nana <3 literally the sweetest person ever !! anytime we chat or interact i get so so happy!! she’s so kind and literally always tags me in the best stuff 🤧 so incredibly thoughtful to everyone on here <33 she’s sm fun to talk to :) especially when we dive in about our fave characters !

@ohtokki WAH laura !! <3 such a friendly and warm person fr her energy just makes everyone feel at home !!! the type of person i’d love to sit and have some tea with and talk about anything !! (esp video games lol)

@1812p4n K🥺 one of the kindest people on this site!! always spreading love and happiness to everyone on the dash <3 what did we do to deserve her fr 🤍✨

@crescentkaze KAZE !! such a sweetie but also her MIND !! pls anytime i wanna rant about railing fictional characters i run to her immediately !!! we always end up building off each other and idk those convos always make my day :’)

@discordkittenjoestar - kendall pls !! she’s so so funny and i love all of her shitposts sm <3 also super sweet n supportive hehe and im excited to talk to her more O:

@akisbrew SOBS !!! aims !! she is seriously so funny and so down to earth!! such a chill person and incredibly supportive !! she’s someone i would love to sit down and vibe with, chatting bout life and our her mans (jean<3)

@taintedsorrcw milo bby <33 queen of events methinks !!! she always creates beautiful themes, events n masterlists !!! she’s also so so sweet and sm fun to talk to !! :)

@soshiina ina !! SOBS !! so incredibly funny and has such a vibrant energy !! chaotic in the best way possible that makes you wanna just talk to her for hours on end fr !!! <3

@writingbymoonlight luna :)) i always love whenever i get to interact with luna because she is just so sweet !! i feel like she has the best book recs tbh bc anytime i see her post about a new book she got it makes me want to go read it too O:

@satisfactooru bay !! pls !! literally could gush about her all day 🥺 she’s so nice and welcoming !! i feel like she’s good at making others feel heard and appreciated <33 such a kind soul fr hehe

@oomiya anyone that knows haley knows she super sweet 🥺 anytime we interact i feel so warm n fuzzy !! she has a way with words and making everyone feel safe tbh <3

@wakatshi - anytime i think of the word lovely i think of daria hehe she’s so nice and her aesthetic is gorgeous !! (just like her pls!!)

@daiception nini !!! she’s so so gorgeous and i luv her style !! we are newer moots but anytime we interact it brings a big smile to my face <3

@kurootosis lem 🥺 lovely lem !! i always luv seeing her on the dash hehe but i still get shy reaching out to interact sometimes lol !! she has such a cool vibe and she’s someone i would love to sit and talk to at a cozy lil cafe !!

@kurooandkenmasslut nat !! i think we became moots like yesterday lol BUT i love her energy !! she seems like sm fun and im glad we are interacting bc i always need more people to gush over kuroo n kenma <33

[inspotlight]

❝     oh,     love.     it     doesn't     sound     stupid     at     all.     she's     your     mom.     of     course     it's     nice     to     hear     that     she     loves     you     and     speaks     highly     of     you.     i     know     your     relationship     isn't     the     easiest,     but     she's     still     your     mom,     and     she     still     loves     you.     and     you     love     her.     you     deserve     to     have     a     good     relationship     with     her.     ❞     she     was     hopeful     that     they     could     start     to     mend     their     relationship,     but     she'd     always     support     ricky     doing     whatever     he     felt     was     best     when     it     came     to     his     relationship     to     his     mom.          ❝     i     came     here     to     be     safe     and     i     met     the     man     who     makes     me     feel     safe.     it's     not     the     same     kind     of     safety,     obviously,     but...     when     i'm     with     you,     i     know     nothing     bad     could     ever     happen     to     me.     ❞     she     says,     expression     softening     as     she     says     it.     he     doesn't     keep     her     safe     in     the     way     her     bodyguard     keeps     her     safe,     but     her     heart     has     never     been     so     protected,     and     she     knows     he     would     do     anything     to     keep     harm     from     befalling     her.     ❝     i     have     loved     getting     to     experience     so     many     new     things     here     with     you.     most     of     all     falling     in     love.     ❞     she     tells     him,     grinning     up     at     him     with     the     cheesiest     smile     on     her     face.     

❝     i     trust     them.     i     would     keep     this     between     you     and     i     if     i     didn't,     but     i     do.     especially     having     spent     more     time     with     your     dad.     it's     nice     to     be     cared     for.     y'know,     by     my     future     in-laws.     ❞     she     teases,     leaning     forward     to     press     a     kiss     to     the     tip     of     his     nose.     she's     not     gotten     to     spend     nearly     as     much     time     with     his     mom,     but     she     can     already     tell     the     woman     would     never     do     anything     to     hurt     her     or     jeopardize     her     safety.     at     the     end     of     the     day,     she     does     love     her     son,     and     nini     can     see     that.     ❝     um...     no.     ❞     she     says,     shaking     her     head.     she     lifts     up     the     bottom     of     the     hoodie     she's     wearing,     revealing     a     pair     of     his     boxers     also     on     her     body.     ❝     i     have     a     nice     red     dress     for     dinner.     i     figured     we'd     be     taking     photos,     i     want     to     look     nice.     and     as     much     as     i     love     wearing     your     clothes     and     feeling     comfy     in     them...     i'm     going     to     dress     up     for     christmas     eve     dinner.     ❞     it     won't     be     long     until     they     have     to     go     back     out     to     the     kitchen,     and     she's     taking     her     time     in     soaking     up     their     alone     time.     once     they     go     out     there,     she     knows     the     nerves     will     return,     but     after     being     wrapped     up     in     him     like     this,     it     won't     be     nearly     as     bad     as     it     could     be.     ❝     i'll     be     cozy     in     the     morning     when     we     wear     our     matching     pajamas,     but...     i'd     really     like     a     nice     photo     of     us     by     the     tree     for     next     year's     christmas     cards.     ❞

    ❝    thank you for telling me neens- it- it makes me happy to hear. even though that probably sounds stupid… i appreciate it.    ❞    the way she looks at him now though, he realizes pretty quickly she wouldn’t at all think his feelings are stupid. she never makes him feel stupid, even if he’s pretty clear on the fact she is smarter.    ❝    that makes sense. and we are going to make big changes, but… i’m really happy i get to be with you. you know? you came here to be safe, but… while you have been careful, you’re living a life of your own too. i love watching you explore and get excited about things.    ❞    his life is not the only one that’s been changed by their meeting and he loves that he got to be the one by her side to see her find this kind of freedom. she’s been under the radar publicly without truly hiding herself away.

    ❝    they definitely won’t be trying to sell a story or anything, i promise. i love you and they know that, they’re not going to jeopardize you and your safety. you’re a sweet girl, it would be hard for anyone to want to do anything that would hurt you.    ❞    and while ricky has a complicated relationship with his parents, specifically his mom… he’s confident she would never hurt nini. and not just because ricky would stop speaking to her. he frowns when she gets up, before she does go ahead and sit on his lap properly, ricky adjusting his own position too so they can get comfortable. it doesn't really register for him that she'd want to wear something different for dinner than she's had on for the day, but he should remember by now. he just- thinks she's perfect all the time.    ❝    i think you look perfect- you still have your dress on from earlier don’t you? just- under the sweatshirt? which- you look so good in my hoodie like this… even though i know you've gotta take it off for dinner    ❞    he grins, twinkle in his eye as she leans back into him and he her, her eyes bright as she wraps her arms around him and he enjoys the closeness. he’d pulled her away to check on her, but… she’s good, happy, and he’s enjoying the alone time. they’ll have to join his parents for dinner soon, but… first he’ll kiss his girlfriend. maybe make her worries slip away.

[stilldancewithyou]

Everyone is so focused on EJ being jealous of Ricky because of everything with Nini in S1 and Gina in S2 and it makes me sad that his character has been reduced to that. yes, Ricky "stealing" the girls from EJ (or however you look at it) is an important part of EJ's character build up and it plays into his insecurities but I don't think that's the biggest/only reason for the tension between them, there's a big chunk of the show's storyline for EJ that I feel like everyone is overlooking: It was EJ's senior year, the last high school musical productions he'd ever get to be in, and Ricky got the leading male parts in all three shows (also EJ didn't really get to audition for Frozen bc he has to direct it).

In season 1, he was soooo excited for HSM and he had spent a lot of time preparing to audition for Troy, his heart was set on that part and he even talked about how he thought he was the perfect Troy, and he was so confident about it. And then Ricky swoops in, not knowing anything about musicals, having never even seen the movie and having no understanding of the character, only auditioning to impress Nini, and he gets the part EJ wanted so badly. EJ has to be content with being the understudy and then he ended up reading Miss Jenn's casting paper to see why she didn't think he was good enough to play Troy and it was kinda mean tbh (and remember, after he read it he started really trying to be better) and I feel like everyone kind of put him down that season. He was so happy when he got the chance to go out as Troy on opening night but then he ended up supporting Ricky, building him up and telling him he was "the better Troy" and that he deserved the part. In season 2, it's the spring musical and the last musical of EJ's high school career! and we know from season 1 he really wants the lead part, and we find out about his dad's expectations so I think it's fair to say he also wanted to impress his dad and show him how talented he is, but at the same time, I feel like he just wants his moment in the spotlight that the others have gotten, he wants that validation that he is capable of playing the leading man and get it right and just that validation and confidence....but again, Ricky gets the lead, and EJ has to play the villain (don't get me wrong he was the perfect Gaston and I am not mad about that). In season 3, he's so excited to have all his Wildcats at camp with him, and have a great last summer; he and Gina talk about how they hope to be the leads together and it's EJ's last chance to have that spotlight leading role moment bc this is the last theater production for him to be in unless he gets onto Broadway or goes to a performing arts college. And EJ can't even properly audition for it bc he's been forced into directing it, and Ricky got the lead again, as Gina's love interest no less- and Ricky doesn't know the show well again and he casually jokes about it to EJ. And throughout all the seasons, EJ just puts on a happy face and supports everyone else and lifts them all up and helps them out; he's happy for Ashlyn when she got the lead, he's happy for Gina when she got it, he's even happy for Ricky. Even though the girls get to be upset when they don't get the parts they wanted, EJ is expected to just accept that he's not a leading man.

I mean...just think about it. EJ puts in all of this effort into being his best, he spends so much time understanding the character and rehearsing and preparing to be the best he can possibly be and Ricky, who puts in very little effort, doesn't know the character or even story/what the damn show is about, and doesn't really know that much about theater or acting just waltzes in and gets the lead three times in a row. (this also applies to the love triangles as sort of a metaphor in a way) Nini, Ashlyn and now Gina and Kourtney all get their time to shine in the lead roles they always dreamed of but didn't think they'd ever be good enough for but EJ has to suck it up and be happy for them and cope with the fact that this is his last show and he never got that big moment he wanted (despite the fact that he's basically a cookie cutter of the perfect leading man).

edited to add: yes, I do realize season 2 EJ chose not to pursue being the Beast bc he felt he was too busy with preparing for college and pls excuse my mistakes in this post/incorrect facts, it's been sooo long since I've watched the first two seasons so I went off what I thought I remembered when I was writing this post (so yeah, I'm a clown & I'll be the first to admit it but everyone who follows my blog already knows that lol). My mistake aside, my point is still the same. EJ has put in a lot of effort throughout all three seasons- with Nini, with Gina, with auditions, with all the shows, and he also went out of his way to atone for his past selfish actions (even tho he stepped back in s2 and worked on himself) and Ricky swooped in having no idea what he's doing and has effortlessly (if you're looking at it from EJ's POV- not trying to villainize Ricky cause I actually adore him) gotten everything EJ has been working hard for handed to him. In the present season it's not just that EJ is noticing the clear romantic tension between Rina, it's that Ricky is having the summer that EJ wanted to have- having fun, spending quality time with Gina and the other Wildcats, playing the leading male part alongside Gina in the show, enjoying EJ's camp friends (and becoming friends with all of them), participating fully in all the fun traditional camp activities and doing all of this with a carefree, Hakuna Matata attitude while EJ is literally about to combust from stress. It's as if Ricky has replaced him. (again, looking at this from EJ's POV). this is just a thought I had that I wanted to share bc I have seen so many posts about the love triangle and nothing about the other stuff so I apologize if I haven't articulated it in a way that makes sense but hopefully this clears some things up. I still think he should get his time to shine though bc he hasn't really gotten that in the show yet.

Also even though EJ was initially presented as being overly confident and kind of cocky, I always personally thought they've made it obvious he, like the other characters, has a lot of insecurities about himself and the cocky attitude is kind of a façade to hide that from everyone else. And considering how hard his dad is on him with all of his high expectations, I think EJ has probably spent his whole life putting in maximum effort to be the best at everything and acting confident and cocky bc it's how his dad wants him to be.

[zaine-m]

Okay so I saw someone talking about how they were gonna rewatching the series to get ready for season 3 and I realized that there are 22 days until season 3 and 22 episodes. So I've decided to watch 1 episode a day and air my thoughts out on here because I can't contain all my hatred of Nini is my little body or else I would explode.

So if you hate Nini too, please come with me on this journey.

Next part

Season 1 ep 1 thoughts:

I never realized that it's Ricky and big Red who skate past Miss Jenn in the beginning

✨️✨️✨️Gina walking past the camera✨️✨️✨️

Why is Kourtney all like "you know who"? what does she have against Ricky?

Okay so Nini understood it was a pause, then why did she not actually break up with him before she started dating EJ. I swear this girls acts like she can do no wrong

Then she gets mad at him for wanting clarification on that she GOT ANOTHER BOYFRIEND when they were on a break

And then she's like well of course I got another boyfriend, you didn't tell me you loved me back and it's not like you have issues about telling people you love them that I as one of the main people you confided in should know about and it's not like I at all put you in an uncomfortable position by posting a video on Instagram where everyone can see instead of telling you in person especially since it's the first time

I'm starting to remember why I hate Nini so much. They're meant to be childhood bestfriends but she so clearly doesn't care about him at all

Nini you have to break up with your ex before you get another boyfriend

How about Kourtney you start with dismantling the sassy black friend trope

Gina watching everything unfold in the background❤️❤️❤️

Nini why don't you just keep everyone on the same page as shit goes down

Ashlyn and Seb are sitting next to each other in the gym

Why are they not having the back to school announcements in the auditorium?

I love how you can see all the recurring characters in the background before they get introduced

"Triggered as a millennial" 😮‍💨 I'm also remembering why I hate Miss Jenn

Also does Ricky not know what a millennial is, he says that Okay boomer joke later

Other than yeah the lead is fun, why does Nini want to be Gabriella so much

Mr.Mazzara is the best

Again Nini is supposed to be this super insecure, "I could never be the lead girl" but she has a friend who's only purpose is to cheer her on and a popular jock boyfriend who constantly reminds her how great she is

And then we never see the water polo boys again

She was crushed but then she also immediately got a boyfriend, and maybe the reason he wanted a break was because she never cared about his feelings. I'm sorry I just can't feel bad for you

Also Nini not seeing how lucky she is to have a friend who really only supports her and doesn't seem to want anything back

You know one day Ricky, you could be the one dating EJ Caswell

NINI IS THE MAIN PERSON HE GOES TO FOR ADVICE BUT SHE DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT HOW TELLING HIM SHE LOVED HIM OVER SOCIAL MEDIA MIGHT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE OF HIS HOME ISSUES. Why are we supposed to root for her

This is the thing, the only part of Nini's life that is not the best a teenager could possibly get is that she doesn't get lead roles. And we never get any reason for it. Maybe it was a her growing into her voice kinda thing

This show doesn't understand "show don't tell" we're told that she feels like she doesn't deserve to be heard but then we constantly see people supporting her and posting nice comments on her Instagram and saying how amazing she is. Just give us anything that this insecurity could come from

Also that's reading into the dream way too much, she just worried to screw up what she wants the most

The cut from Nini's happy, supportive family to Ricky’s dad just trying to do his best 🥲

Noooo someone give Ricky a hug

Wait did Nini seriously post a photo basically saying she's gonna get the lead. You can't say she's insecure then make her do that. I would get EJ doing that but if you look it's Nini's Insta

Sure Big Red, that's why you know so much about HSM. It's definitely not because you started hyperfixating on it but you refused to actually watch it because you didn't want to give into the hyperfixation and you were worried people would laugh at you for talking about it because it wasn't the stuff you normally watched so instead you slowly google the plot of it on incognito tabs until you finally give in and obsess over it for the next year

I love how Ricky impulsively decided to do the musical and now he can't be stopped

How does this school have so many computers

Also Mr. Mazzara calling all the students by their last names

Kourtney is literally doing Nini's makeup with EJ tells her how amazing she is. This girl literally has everything, why do they try to present her as the underdog

✨️✨️✨️Gina's dancing✨️✨️✨️

Also Gina's outfit, her hair, the way she looks at Carlos like "Yeah you want me as the lead"

I miss this Gina

Why are we supposed to hate her for being like "I've never been an understudy" when Nini went and posted that her and EJ are going to be the leads on Insta. Like at least Gina was stating a solid fact instead of just being overly cocky

The way that she holder her head uo and her winged eyeliner

Why does Ricky have a CD. Also I love the Ricky and Mr. Mazzara dynamic but we may never see them together again 😢

"I'm dying. I'm deceased. Yes" what the fuck did they think they were doing with this.

Also what was Ashlyns outfit. She had such a glow up between the first and 3rd season

Gina putting the WORK in

Why is she even telling them what part she wants them to play. I guess some students would want to know what they have the best shot at but it just seems like it's going to make students feel like they can't do the part they actually want to do. Is that a thing that they actually do in high school musicals? Why can't they just say the part they want to audition for

What is on the walls of this school? "Free hair cut", a sign pointing the opposite way Ricky is going saying that's where the auditorium is

Someone give Gina a hug and tell her that she's amazing no matter what

Then Nini's British accent thing was never brought up again

How did she not understand that "temporary pause" meant they aren't broken up

Aww, Ricky’s mom being away again

And she can't even fucking stick to instructions

Why the fuck is Ricky spilling his Family issues out to everyone who's auditioning to be in a musical

Big Red giving Ricky his guitar

Carlos looking at Ricky like wtf is he doing is season 1 to Carlos helping Ricky figure out he's be in season 3

Nini, you don't get to be mad at Ricky for not telling you he loved you back when you knowingly pit him in an awkward situation or for him wanting to take a pause because it would be hard to try to keep your relationship up when your away when he's probably really fucking tired of trying to keep his relationship with him mom up from away which you should know if you ever cared about him

Also "confusing things" he was sharing his side of the story. Which you would have already known if you ever payed attention when he talked to you about his issues which we know he did

I don't like her

NINI ISN'T A FUCKING UNDERDOG MISS JENN. IF ANYTHING GINA'S THE UNDERDOG, SHE'S AT A NEW SCHOOL, DOESN'T KNOW ANYONE, AND HAS A PRETTY SHITTY HOME LIFE COMPARED TO "HAS IT ALL" NINI

God I fucking hate all Time Fedrle

Gina I'm sorry baby, you deserved it. Maybe you're really made more for a dancing role but I guess HSM doesn't have many dancers

But she still congratulates Nini like a boss. I could never and that's why I look up to her like a god

"Chad, she thinks I'm a chad"

Wait was Chad not a different role you had to audition for. What was the point of her separating them if she's just going to give Chad to a Troy. (wait is there an actual reason for her doing this?)

I love how Big Red just stands there shocked like what happened?

Seb being happy about Sharpey in the background

The "shit" didn't used to be beeped did it?

Sometimes I wonder why this is my special interest if I hate the main character so much, but my brain works in mysterious ways.

[melodyplucked]

    ❝    i guess all i can do is my best. and i promise i'll always do that. for her and for you.    ❞    a pause as he smiles at her affectionately.    ❝    for our family.    ❞    they're young, but they can do this. especially together. together how they're meant to be... that's the thing he's got to rely on even as the overwhelmingness of this new reality will undoubtedly sink in over the next few days. he has a baby relying on him now. him and nini both- and she's just as young as he is, even if she has the last six months of experience ahead of him. but they can raise this baby together, make this family for her that she deserves- that the three of them deserve...    ❝    is it okay if i don't know yet?    ❞    he asks her softly.    ❝    i'm all in- i promise. but... i just- i don't know right now what i need or want from you with all this. it's a lot, of course, but- this is our family... i take that seriously. i'm ready to give myself to this family, even if i don't know what it all means yet completely. we'll figure it out.    ❞    the last part is completely resolute. he's content with this idea of just- being all in. of being a family, his first love and their tiny baby girl...    ❝    and hey, if she doesn't want any guacamole later- that's just more for us.    ❞    he teases with a laugh and a bright grin.

nini snuggling into him so happily makes him smile all the more. it feels good to be so close again. they were just... meant for each other. bodies like magnets, pulling together no matter the time or distance.    ❝    okay.    ❞    he nods, soft smile on his face. though he is admittedly a little nervous, he's very excited too. their baby... his sweet little baby girl... as nini places her into his arms, his eyes are just so wide, staring down at the innocent little thing, curled in his arms. he makes sure he's supporting her, and as she stirs and he looks into those beautiful brown eyes, he can't help but see nini in her too. they really did this together.    ❝    hi jude... wow... you really are your mama's girl, aren't you baby?    ❞    just the softest voice from his lips as he admires her sweet little face as her eyes shut again and she gets comfortable.    ❝    yeah- i'm your daddy... it's so nice to meet you jude...    ❞    he's smiling, but his whole face is soft, and as he hears nini's voice again, turning to see where she's filming, tears in those eyes, he smiles even more, feeling himself almost start to tear up.    ❝    she's so perfect... i love her... thank you, nini... thank you.    ❞    and if he weren't holding their baby in his arms, he'd wipe those tears from her cheeks, and even as he gets emotional, tears coming up as he's looking between nini and jude... this is absolutely a perfect little moment. the kind he'll remember forever.

she    knows    finding    their    footing    is    going    to    take    some    time.    this    is    new    for    ricky.    it's    still    new    to    nini,    but    she's    been    doing    this    for    six    months.    even    longer    before    that    just    in    taking    care    of    herself    while    pregnant.    ❝    you'll    find    a    rhythm.    just    lean    into    your    instincts,    you're    not    going    to    do    anything    wrong.    ❞    this    has    been    their    fantasy    for    so    long.    they'd    wanted    to    have    a    family    together    and    now    they    did.    things    had    certainly    worked    out    differently    than    she'd    planned,    but    they    were    together    again.    she    loves    that    he    wants    to    take    care    of    them.    it    doesn't    surprise    her    a    bit    that    being    jude's    dad    would    come    so    easily    to    him.    so    naturally.    this    is    much    sooner    than    they    ever    thought    they'd    be    doing    this,    but    he    was    already    all    in.    it    had    been    mere    hours.    she    loved    it.    loved    him.    ❝    i    know,    poor    little    thing.    hopefully    it    doesn't    mean    she'll    hate    guacamole    when    she's    older.    i    appreciate    you    being    ready    to    jump    headfirst    into    all    of    this,    but    if    you    need    to    take    a    break    and    breathe,    let    me    know.    ❞    she    says    with    a    soft    laugh.    she    hated    seeing    her    sweet    girl    not    feel    good    after    eating    something,    but    that    was    the    point    of    baby-led    weaning.    

she    snuggles    into    ricky    on    instinct    when    he    sits    next    to    her,    bowl    of    soup    forgotten    for    a    moment    as    she    takes    in    how    nice    this    is.    to    be    cuddling    with    him    on    the    couch,    their    daughter    in    her    arms,    about    to    be    held    by    her    dad    for    the    very    first    time.    ❝    you    won't    freak    her    out.    you're    her    dad.    there's    no    way    she's    anything    but    comfortable    in    your    arms.    ❞    she    says,    and    she    has    so    much    belief    in    her    words.    before    she    hands    jude    over    to    ricky,    she    gets    her    phone    out    and    opens    the    camera,    turning    it    to    video    before    she    carefully    places    their    sleepy    girl    into    her    dad's    arms    for    the    first    time.    she    wants    this    moment    on    video    for    them    to    remember    when    it's    not    so    late    at    night    and    they    aren't    tired    and    emotional.    it's    beautiful    to    watch    as    jude    stirs    and    then    settles    into    ricky's    arms,    and    nini    can't    help    but    let    a    few    tears    fall    before    she    reaches    up    to    wipe    at    her    eyes.    ❝    i    love    seeing    you    with    her.    ❞

[strawberryshortcakegirl]

Rewatching Episode 1.01 of HSMTMTS

Me and @organic-guacamole are gonna be rewatching HSMTMTS. I'm a big fan of this series so it's gonna be fun rewatching this series knowing what happens in the future.

me recognizing that big red did NOT grow that mustache he was anticipating for :(

"nothing about bad news or needing to have a big talk" oh don't worry ricky you'll have that big talk when yall break up in season 2 :D

ricky being able to deal with a "hey" text is unbelievable. whenever i get a "hey" text i start questioning my worth and what i did wrong to not deserve a "hi!" or something like that-

Nini's hair is so different. it's a lot shorter, it's a light brown color too

"And that's why we work" proceeds to break up with her 3 minutes later... this is why we ship ricky x therapy forever instead of rini

Nini's room is literally my dream room. it's so pretty- the room lights, the pink curtains, the hanging chair.... i'm jealous

olivia's riff on "guess i'm saying i don't not looooove you" is seriously beautiful

principal guiterriez or however you spell it, why would you tell the whole school that miss jenn's announcement wouldn't cost too much money...?

Oh back when Nini's biggest dream was getting the lead... oh how times change

mr. mazzara being able to pay for ad-free spotify but not me makes me question my life

i love how mr. mazzara says "we don't call colleagues sweetie" but i'm sure s2 mr. mazzara would LOVE that 😏

EJ actually isn't being completely stupid about going to auditions in costume. It actually does make a difference. It can represent confidence and help the director picture you playing that character. For those who are about to do an audition: maybe don't go FULLY in costume but wear something similar to what the character would wear.

"is he (ej) the best, or is he the best?" every hsmtmts fan

NINI'S GRANDMA IS QUEEN

"and you don't have the hair for it!" big red predicting type casting

POP OFF SOFIA WYLIE

i'm just saying they should give gina a character that dances, not gabriella who barely does (like even taylor dancing during stick to the status quo was lowkey out of character)

EJ'S "YES!!" REACTION WHEN MISS JENN GIVES HIM THE TROY SCRIPT WHY ISN'T THIS A GIF

also hate on ej and nini all you want, but we have to talk about how ej gave her courage to say "no, i want to audition for gabriella"

i am kinda mad that miss jenn gets info about the students through carlos. already shows bias.

ej should've gotten troy and i will forever stand by that.

nini using a british accent when she's nervous was never brought up ever again in the series. i wish they did, it was cute

"troy would've arrived on time" i've converted many friends to hsmtmts fans and every time they watch that scene they recognize that carlos is 100% wrong

ej seeing ricky do the phone flashlight thing and doing the same is much more cringey than i remembered

awww big red being a supportive best friend to see ricky's audition (even though he advised against it)

ricky attempting to act is the most relatable thing about this show

in ricky's defense, the greatest showman can be pretty unrealistic

OKAY theatre directors learn from miss jenn and post the cast list immediately (looking at my theatre director who waits three weeks)

I will forever laugh at HSMTMTS cursing once the whole series 🤡

[forbiddenship]

he was the one all along: part 1

one of the things i love most about portwell is that when you go back and watch the show knowing what happens, you have this realization, like “oh. ej was right there all along.” it’s so beautiful.

in all of 2A, when gina was hurting, and ej too, the writers do such a good job of developing their individual arcs to where they’d be ready to meet in the middle come 2B. their overarching character arcs are done so well and i love how much they compliment each other. how they were exactly what the other person needed. it was done in a way that you can’t help but think it was the most unexpected thing that could happen, but also the only thing that made sense, right from the beginning.

but even the little things always get me. there’s quite a few scenes where gina is pining for ricky and/or just dealing with a lingering crush on someone she knows is in love with someone else. and in so many of them, ej is present or referenced in some way. sometimes it’s obvious, other times it’s just little background moments. and in some of them, ricky’s own lines and actions serve as a really poetic foreshadowing for what’s to come.

in one of the very first scenes after the semester ends, ricky shows up with nini at the new year’s party. it’s the first time we see gina acknowledge ricky in any way and the first thing that makes us question what must’ve happened between them. but while she’s looking over at him, who’s in the same shot sitting right next to her? ej.

one of the next scenes where we see gina looking over at nini and ricky together is when they’re singing you are the music in me. who’s standing next to her singing in that moment? ej. and i wish they had kept in that shot of rini singing and portwell talking in the center because it’s so telling. she seems so happy and not at all bothered or jealous in that shot. and literally all their friends are looking at them and not the couple literally serenading each other which i find hilarious.

in episode 2, the scene that stood out to me the most was at the auditions when ricky came in late and they made a point of showing gina’s reaction to him. in this entire scene, ej and gina were standing right next to each other and put in the same frame every time they showed up onscreen. so when she looks over at ricky yet again, who’s standing beside her AGAIN? ej.

moving on to episode 3, this is the scene most of us have already analyzed in detail bc, looking back, it’s just so glaringly obvious what they were doing. gina telling ricky that every girl likes a sweet gesture, and when he says that she’ll get one too, she responds by saying SHE DOESNT NEED ONE?! bc she knows that the person she likes won’t be giving one to her anytime soon so she’s accepted that she can live without that and it’s no big deal?! PAIN.

i think what’s so interesting about this scene is, and this may not be the best way to word this but, at the time it’s just an example of how wrong rina is. gina mentions a sweet gesture to a clearly uncomfortable ricky who is stressing out about what to do for his girlfriend - so much so that he doesn’t realize what his friend is going through enough to offer any show of support or friendship, in fact just shushes her when he gets a call from his girlfriend, and acts awkward the entire time. which is why when she mentions sweet gestures he immediately goes “i think you’ll get yours too” - he knows it’s not gonna be him and he’s saying, “don’t worry, there’s someone out there for you. even if it’s not me.” but ofc gina doesn’t believe that. she doesn’t think that’s possible. so she says “i’ll live.” at the time, it really just showed us how ricky wasn’t right for her, how these two really weren’t right for each other.

it wasn’t until 2x05 that it really hit me that there was someone else out there who really could be that sweet guy that gina wanted and deserved. and it didn’t even have to be a big gesture. something as simple and small as asking how she was feeling was enough to show her that he cared. and i realized that this valentine’s day scene wasn’t just about how ricky couldn’t give that to her, but about how ej could.

and then that elusive word “sweet” came up again in 2x07, and again in 2x10, until i was sure this show was basically turning portwell into a couple from a rom-com. not that i’d ever complain. the freaking airport scene??? something i never would’ve dared dream of. the little sweet gesture of the granola bar that was wrapped up in the big sweet gesture of driving to the airport in the middle of the night to pick her up? and then saying he’d do it again tomorrow? all of it without her ever having to say a word? it’s just too much.

oh yeah, not to mention the literal plane ticket he bought to bring her back for opening night. and then told her not to pay him back for.

whereas ricky never give gina enough, even when she asked, ej gave her the things that she never dared asked for. the things that she was too scared to ask for and convinced herself she didn’t need.

they will never not make me cry.

[forjongseong]

MY PRECIOUS GIRL NANA HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

I just wanna thank you for a lot of reasons. Thank you for writing a review about my smut fic because of that we became close. Thank you for talking to me first. Thank you for sending me pictures, I really find them adorable and pretty. Thank you for taking my opinions, listening to them, you give me validation. Thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for laughing at my (stolen) memes. Now all the meme reaction reminds me of you, often wonder would u laugh at them when I saved one. Thank you for explaining certain things to me. Thank you for making me feel worthy most of the time. Thank you for making me feel included. Thank you because you open your self to me even just a little. Thank you for the compliments even though sometimes I do not derserve them. Thank you for stanning Enhypen, by this we were connected. And most of all, Thank you Nana for existing. Even if we were so fucking apart, I feel your sincerity and love.

I love you, so fucking much. You mean the world to me. Happiest Birthday to the best girl, Jay girl. You deserve all the beautiful things in life.

Again, Happy Birthday Nana. 🥳

Love, nini.

MY BODY ACHES FROM THE DAY OUT MUST YOU MAKE MY HEART ACHE TOO WITH THIS LETTER

You're welcome to all of that and thank you too for always supporting me and my horny hours for Jay 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I'M GLAD we're on TikTok now so we can see eo more often YAAAY BUT if you got Telegram too let me know your @ I would love to talk to you there

Screenshotting this message for my smile file!