#nightmare fuel for Dazai

[saltedbiscuiit]

Dazai’s worst nightmare ♡

[anticidic]

Imagine how useless of a vampire Dazai would be if he could get turned into one.

He has no ability to help him catch others so he just has to run after people trying to bite them. Chuuya could theoretically sit on a really high ceiling and Dazai could never reach him, he's just jumping and flailing around trying to bite Chuuya.

And Chuuya's just: What the hell, man.

[chiara-hotel]

𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟒𝐭𝐡: 𝐒𝐡𝐲 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 (𝐏𝐨𝐞, 𝐊𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐚, 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 & 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚)

Characters: Poe, Kunikida, Atsushi & Chuuya

BSD Characters with an s/o who gets very energetic & bubbly when talking about halloween (etc.). And enjoys baking, dressing up, making treats, eating treats, looking at halloween decor & watch halloween movies.

Poe:

- Poe LOVES seeing you so excited about the holiday

- Despite not being a huge fan of it like you are, Poe will gladly do anything halloween related with you!

- He spends a lot of money on decor for you because he knows you’ll love it

- Hes also a bit not used to seeing you so energetic

- Baking marathon!! Poe will but everything you need for all of your spooky treats (also Karl is the taste tester)

- Matching costumes!! I’ll let that go to your imagination

- Let Karl i’m on the matching costumes though

- Poe wouldn’t bea fan of the huge gruesome movies but he will watch some movies like Coraline, Corpse Bride or even The Nightmare Before Christmas (Poe is very confused why you guys were watching a Christmas movie at first)

- Ends up a little scared of your halloween obsession, but he also still loves you to death so

Kunikida:

- Now Kunikida with his journal, obviously he’s planning a bunch of events/dates every day until halloween to fuel your obsession

- Sone ideas: Halloween movie binge night, Baking halloween treats, going to a haunted house and many more

- Hes scared for the haunted house but tries to act calm (it fails)

- Dresses up as something simple with you, (he only dressed up because you forced him)

- Dazai chuckling beside you to add he sees kunikida all dressed up

- (He is not letting Dazai ruin his and your schedule)

Atsushi:

-When he was younger he probably didn’t get to celebrate halloween that much so he’s happier that you are so excited about it

- He gets really happy hearing you so energetic about something you like

- He LOVES baking with you! Atsushi will even recommend new treats to try out

- Atsushi also bakes a few for his colleagues at the agency (specifically Ranpo, but every one else gets some too)

- Hes going as a tiger, like his ability but he also willing to try on costumes at the store with you

- When you guys look at some of the decor hes a bit scared of the “more scary stuff” so he avoids those aisles and hides behind you as you walk down them :)

- Also buys some with you (a bit scary, but not too scary)

- Some decor he’d like to buy is probably pumpkins, kid-friendly blow ups for your lawn, and some things like that

- Similar thing with halloween movies, he likes the non-scary movies (yeah don’t watch really scary halloween movies with him, he will cry)

Chuuya:

- Shocked

- How you went from normally quiet, Shy & introverted s/o an extrovert very knowledgeable about halloween

- Chuuya also LOVES seeing you like this

- While you guys go shopping, he accidentally sets off a prop and gets scared (now he’s in denial that he got scared)

- Buys EVERYTHING related to halloween in that store, if you mention about how much it most cost Chuuya will just say “anything for you, doll”

- Its like an early christmas present except it’s all about halloween

- No space in the house? He can hire someone to expand the property, theres also the mafia headquarters for more storage (ya’ll probably have a huge house though so it’ll fit in a store room somewhere)

- Also buys A LOT of baking materials so you guys can make pumpkin pie, pumpkin cupcakes, pumpkin loaf, pumpkin pretzels and many more

- Cuddles while movie binging (he might get scared at some of the movies but deny it (it’s really obvious when he dies because he grabs onto you tighter))

[starlightshadowsworld]

Agency informant Izaya

Spoilers for Stormbringer

The day Dazai truly realised how much Izaya meant to him and how much he trusted him, was the day he lost Odasaku.

However, the day Chuuya realised it came a whole lot sooner than that. Don't get him wrong, Chuuya liked Izaya. He had expected the worst when Dazai had introduced his friend.

Chuuya was surprised to see someone so human. Izaya was wicked intelligent, he was probably one of the few people who could follow Dazai's line of thoughts.

But he was kind and didn't hide it. Doing things like researching wines just to keep up with Chuuya in a conversation about something he was passionate about.

The way he acted was eerily similar to the Flags. Izaya didn't falter even if Chuuya was in a bad mood, he was patient and always bright.

Chuuya wondered sometimes if it would be a good or bad idea to introduce them. But it turns out he didn't need to make that choice.

The scene in Old World was horrifying but immediately Adam began talking. However, it wasn't his voice that was speaking. "Izaya?" A relieved sigh filled the air.

"The one and only, I do apologise for the nightmare fuel but the bodies your seeing aren't real."

Chuuya frowned, walking to Lippman and inspecting the body. While it looked horrifically lifelike, it was fake.

"How did you..."

"Dazai let it slip you were being hunted down at our weekly chess game." Even without him being there, Chuuya could picture the anger on Izaya's face hearing the news.

"I did some digging, figured who his targets were and had your friends moved to a secure location." Izaya's voice became a lot more gentle "they're all here, say hi guys."

The collective "hi" from everyone shouldn't have made tears well up in Chuuya's eyes but it did.

They were safe, they were all safe and alive.

"But how you get the bodies and set this up so fast?" Asked Chuuya, curious. Izaya and Dazai would've had their game about 4 hours ago.

"Your friend, who I sincerely apologise for hijacking by the way, isn't the only one of his kind. While not as sophisticated, robots like him do exist. And I have more than a few people who owe me a favour."

Even so this was a lot of blood, and unlike the bodies it was real. As if reading his mind, Izaya carried on.

"The blood was the hard part but I contacted Mori and told him the situation. We made a deal, should the time ever arise I owe him a favour one I can't refuse. And he supplied me with what I needed now from the Port Mafia's blood bank."

Chuuya's eyes widened in shock.

"You... You made a deal, with the Port Mafia just to help me?"

"Of course." Said Izaya like it was nothing big. And it hit Chuuya just how much he cared about him. Izaya had put himself in danger, just to help him.

Despite befriending himself and Dazai, Izaya firmly stayed away from the Port Mafia's buisness. And especially from Mori who has his eyes on him for a long time.

The Flags had risked their necks by being close to him. For giving him proof he was human behind the Boss's back.

All because they cared about him.

They shouldn't, he was more trouble than he was worth but Chuuya couldn't feel anything but relief.

"Got any ideas for what comes next?"

Izaya chuckled "of course, but for that we should meet in a more secure location. The phone lines are bugged and as fun as this is, I should give your friend back his voice soon."

Adam came back, grumbling but he seemed relieved. Chuuya write down the address and started to move out with Adam in tow.

For the first time since thus shit begun, Chuuya felt like everything was going to be okay.

"Wait, what about you? He'll be after you." Chuuya ignored that he'd basically just realised and admitted Izaya was important to him.

Izaya's voice returned momentarily. "Oh don't worry about me. I'm a lot more difficult to kill that people realise. Besides, I've got a plan.

[tilskkarishma]

I wrote lyrics.

These I wrote for myself, but now I want to press them onto a male bsd character (and make an amv maybe). xD

I think they would fit to Aku. But don't know. Let me know who character comes into your mind when reading this:

I yearn to hug you, love you true, but I'm chained, it's something I can't do. This longing makes me sink and brood, lost in thought, misunderstood. Overthinking, a constant sting, my very being, questioning. What do I hope for, where's the gleam? Is this a nightmare, a twisted dream? "Walk away", the voice does ring, but thoughts of you, they always cling. Ref.: To hold you close, my heart's desire, consumed by love, a burning fire. To want to hug you, love you true, but I'm chained, it's something I can't do. Am I a serial killer? The thought takes hold, fueled by the secret I've never told. Repressed anger, everyone sees, but a deeper hatred sets me ill at ease. Towards myself, the venom flows, for a life unlived, which everyone shows. Ref.: To hold you close, my heart's desire, consumed by love, a burning fire. To want to hug you, love you true, but I'm chained, it's something I can't do. They say others suffer more, it's true, yet they're thriving, while I feel blue. Selfish, the label, cuts like a knife, trapped in this lonely, desolate life. Ref.: To hold you close, my heart's desire, consumed by love, a burning fire. To want to hug you, love you true, but I'm chained, it's something I can't do.

Also tell me which ship. ^^

[chuuyas-nakahara]

we all talk about how dazai and ranpo would be a terrifying villain duo but can we add yosano to the group as well. 2 criminal masterminds with genius IQs and a former military surgeon who uses her anatomical knowledge for torture and will not hesitate to cut you to pieces with a chainsaw while dazai and ranpo stand watch. actual nightmare fuel

[231s-prompts]

so dazai gives mori (and fyodor?? unconfirmed but like- he would be the guy to) nightmares. q scares dazai to some degree. ranpo might as well give fukichi nightmares. mushitaro scared ranpo to some degree. kenji scares both the local gangs and my guy tecchou, but no one expects it from him.

THEREFORE queue a nightmare-fuel crack fic of kenji, q, and mushitaro inadvertently going around and scaring the shit out of everybody.

it would be easy to knock out a lot of people in the pm, ada, and guild because TRAUMA FROM Q DURING GUILD ARC, but what about police being scared of mushitaro because q just sneaks stuff in his pockets and no one can figure out where anything is?

tecchou telling the hd how fucking scary kenji is, no one believing him because it's KENJI we're talking about, and then one (1) bad day and four buildings are destroyed.

kenji not knowing who mushitaro is and just going along with the other two because like hell he's going to suspect them of wrong doing.

I'm sure the trio of mushitaro, q, and kenji could get up to more trouble but I have a headache

[sskk-ao3feed]

Nightmare Fuel || Shin Soukoku Angst

by sevyn_syn770

Shin Soukoku Angst - Atsushi has an episode about his past, causing him to do something that will effect his relationship with Akutagawa forever.

Words: 1490, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: M/M

Characters: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Gin

Relationships: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke & Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Additional Tags: Angst, shin soukoku, Soukoku, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, In Character

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/48620149

[spacexseven]

WOO I LOVE THE IDEA OF DEMON DAZAI AND CHUUYA FIGHTING OVER THE SAME DARLING please continue on that😭

hmmm i dont have anything to add as of now but please take A Short List Of Weird Things Demon Dazai Does instead :>

cw: yandere character, underwear theft, manipulation, biting, mentions of blood,

as mentioned before he has a thing for just studying you really intensely. he finds the differences between your physical appearance and his very fascinating since he's of a different species altogether

likes to bite your hands...he just finds yours so cute, lacking the natural claws and size that he has. he likes to feel the callouses, and if you wear long nails, he loves them

licks your hand as you're sleeping...just to freak you out. you always wake up to see him on the floor, smiling up at you—nightmare fuel!!

likes to wear your used clothing. he saw it on tv once, and has been obsessed with the concept ever since. now, if only he could get you to wear some of his stuff too...

uses his powers to manipulate you into doing his bidding. this can range from simply cleaning up after him to forcing you to lay compliant as he attacks you with wet kisses and attempts to bite into you

also uses his powers every time he has a fantasy of you. likes to play the scene out in your mind and see you lose yourself over it

steals your underwear!!! like he's such a degenerate!! and you know exactly why he's trying to get his grubby little claws on them for, don't you?

he's got a thing for blood—your blood, in particular. likes seeing you bleed and the taste of it. he's not a vampire, and he doesn't need it to sustain himself, but it gets him off.

uses the same toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc as you. he likes to pretend like it's your scent that's rubbed off him and not him dowsing himself in your products

if you're a smoker, you need to get used to dazai just plucking your cigarette out of your mouth and try it out himself

and every time you eat a lollipop and leave the stick behind, guess whose mouth it's going into?

[sky-drgn]

Dreaming of You - Dazai x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1,014

Warnings: None??

Hope you enjoy! ^-^

Osamu Dazai was not one to believe in the supernatural. If it couldn't be proven one way or another Dazai was sure it wasn't real. That includes soulmates. There was no scientific reason behind it, no proof that they really exist. It's said that everyone has their own way of finding their other half. Be it matching tattoo like birthmarks, red strings, first words on each other's bodies, only seeing color when meeting the other's eye, or even having timers on their wrist. Other ways have been said, those, however, are the most common.

Now, Dazai has seen the birthmarks on people showing they are soulmates. However, they looked too much like tattoos to truly believe they were soulmate marks. Everyone he’s seen with them has been older and could easily get a tattoo. Not to mention being in the Port Mafia and only associating with others in the Port Mafia means that no matter their age, they have access to illegal means of getting a tattoo. So really he had no reason to believe they are what it's calmed to be.

Another reason Dazai didn't believe in the idea of soulmates? He didn't have anything to indicate he had a soulmate. It wasn't unheard of for people not to have a soulmate, it was just rare. Though, if he really thought about it, it was fitting that he didn't have a soulmate. Who would want the Port Mafia's Demon Prodigy as their life partner? He would never admit he wanted a soulmate, someone to help take away his loneliness.

"Oi, Markral stop spacing out."

"Oh Chuuya, you're back. And here I was just beginning to think you were killed overseas. How unfortunate for you to come back alive."

"Shut up. The boss wants to see us."

---

It wasn't often Dazai slept. Nightmares fuels his insomnia like nothing else can. However, when he does sleep, he'll occasionally have good dreams. And when he falls into one of those dreams he actually sleeps well.

The dreams? They are of another person, through their eyes. The first time he recalls having one of these so-called good dreams was before the nightmares started. The person whose eyes he was looking through was running towards the playground of a school having just been let out for recess. The language beginning spoken wasn't one he recognized at the time.

The second time he recalled having such a dream was years later. Dazai was about fourteen years old. It was nothing special. Just the day in the life of a middle schooler. He was able to recognize the language, it was English. He didn't start learning it until he was fifteen though. The person had been taking a test and was struggling. He wondered if he would have been able to solve the test if he knew what the words on the page said.

"You're here early Dazai. Something happen? You look down."

"OdaSaku! How kind of you to join me!" Dazai said enthusiastically upon hearing his friend's voice. "Just another day of work. The boss made me work with Chuuya again."

"I see."

It was quiet for a while as the two sat and drank their usual. Eventually, Ango joined the two men. Dazai was happy at the moment - as happy as Dazai can get that is.

"Huh? Is something bothering you Dazai?" asked Ango, noticing the younger male's mood flatten.

"I had asked him the same thing when I got here. Tried to brush it off as working with his partner." OdaSaku said before taking a sip of his drink.

"I really can't get anything past you two can I?"

"No, you can't. Now what's bothering you?" said OdaSaku as he put his drink down. The ice made a small noise as it clinked against the glass.

"Have either of you ever had dreams where it looked like you were living life through the eyes of someone else?"

"I haven't, no. That's because I have a red string," said Ango. "That's just another way of showing you have a soulmate."

"Ango's right. I don't have a soulmate, but I have heard those stories. People fall asleep and then as they dream they see the life of their soulmate through their eyes. Only if the other person is awake though. I think there are a few other conditions as well. I don't entirely remember."

"You two really believe that soulmate stuff?"

"How can I not? I can see the string attached to my hand."

"I didn't at first. Since I don't have one. But when I looked at the people around me, I knew it had to be true."

So maybe Dazai did have a soulmate? Really he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had gone through life believing such a thing isn't real. And now maybe he has one? Dazai was really unsure how to feel about it all.

---

Some years had passed since Dazai had one of his so-called good dreams. The dreams showed him his soulmate's life through her eyes. The last one he had was when he was nineteen. His soulmate had been on a plane with a workbook in front of her. She was translating sentences into English and others into Japanese. He would be lying if he said he wasn't proud of her for working so hard on learning the language. Especially knowing how she struggled with the one she was forced to learn in high school. He wondered if he would meet her soon now that she was in Japan

He never did meet her. The dreams stopped as well. He remembered OdaSaku saying once that the other person had to be awake among other things. He wished he could ask the older male what some of the other conditions were. But he knew all he would get back was silence from the cold gravestone. Maybe it was better when she lived abroad. He would know for a fact that she was alive. Different time zones create higher chances of one of them being asleep while the other is awake.

[scriveyner]

chase forever down 5/31

chase forever down | 5/31 | bungou stray dogs | 👿🐯 / sskk | #smarch 🔞| ~1700 words

Atsushi sat on the wall, kicking his heels off the stone as he watched Dazai and Kunikida talk to the government officials. Akutagawa leaned against the wall beside him, arms folded and completely disinterested in the proceedings. Even from here, Atsushi could see several of the agents giving Akutagawa looks, and it raised his hackles.

Continue on AO3 or:

“Getting defensive will only make you look guilty by proxy,” Akutagawa said without opening his eyes, and Atsushi’s mouth twisted into a scowl. He did that, now; like Akutagawa was reading his mind, and it made him deeply uncomfortable. “I can’t read minds.”

Atsushi stared at him, and the corner of Akutagawa’s mouth ticked up in amusement. “Come now, weretiger. As if you weren’t an open book enough already.”

“You’re creepy as hell when you’re like this,” Atsushi muttered, and Akutagawa’s amused aura did not fade. “What were you doing out here, anyway? It’s not like you to take an interest in a missing persons case like this.”

Which, it had been an utter surprise to run into Akutagawa here, in the dismal grey afternoon that kept threatening rain. He’d been third-wheeling with Dazai and Kunikida—which was far less fun than it sounded—when an ability user clearly interested in their case made their presence known. Atsushi shuddered involuntarily at the memory. He’d never seen so many spiders all at once.

That was going to be nightmare fuel for the next month, easy.

Akutagawa seemed to be weighing his silence. He watched Dazai gesticulate, and said, softly, “remember those vampire hunters?”

Atsushi blushed before he could even think of stopping it. Of course, he remembered. He remembered it very, very, very well, mostly because he’d never had so many orgasms in a row. “You think this is connected to that?”

“It could be.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Before what, weretiger? Do you think I will glibly announce my curse in front of every member of your precious detective agency?” He tilted his head and glared haughtily at Atsushi, and then after a moment of making his point, glanced away. “I’m not certain. It is simply a hunch.”

“A regular hunch, or a hunch-hunch?”

Akutagawa stared at him.

Atsushi gave him the most innocent look he could muster, and Akutagawa rolled his eyes in an exaggerated manner before pushing off the wall to leave. “Wait, wait,” Atsushi said, sliding off his perch. Akutagawa didn’t stop, and Atsushi worriedly threw a glance over his shoulder. Kunikida was too involved to take notice, but Dazai waved, though.

He fell into step with Akutagawa as they wound their way out of the warehouse district. If Akutagawa had truly wanted to leave him behind, there were plenty of ways to do so; but instead, he walked sedately, and Atsushi walked quietly beside him.

It was nice, walking with him like this. Atsushi wasn’t entirely sure what he felt about Akutagawa, but he was at least comfortable beside him. It felt right. Akutagawa sighed aloud and glanced at Atsushi. “What is this?” he questioned, and Atsushi blinked owlishly at him.

“…this…?” Atsushi glanced at the warehouse district that they were turning away from, heading back into the city proper.

“Don’t be dense, weretiger. I meant between us.”

Atsushi stopped walking. “I don’t know.” Akutagawa had kissed him, and he still didn’t know how to take it. Was it just a thing he felt he needed to do, like the way he sucked Atsushi’s dick? Did it actually mean anything at all? Or was this just part and parcel of being the sole food source for a vampire? “I guess…a partnership?”

Akutagawa snorted. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought about you last night when I came. I think we’re a little outside of partnership territory.”

Atsushi stared at Akutagawa blankly.

Akutagawa seemed not to notice his reaction. “I don’t understand why things are so difficult when you are added into the mix. It is frustrating beyond all measure.”

“Wait,” Atsushi said faintly, holding up his hand and still stuck on the previous statement. “You thought about me when?”

“Last night.” Akutagawa folded his arms, and half-turned in toward Atsushi. “When I was touching myself. I could not dismiss your face from my mind. It was…” here he trailed off, and Atsushi actually saw his cheeks turn pink.

“Oh my god.” They were not having this conversation right now, in public. Atsushi looked around wildly, but they were, for the most part, alone. The pedestrians were few and far between, the chilly air and grey skies doing their part to keep people indoors. “Wait. What do you mean “don’t take this the wrong way?” How am I supposed to take it?”

Akutagawa covered his mouth with his hand, looking impassive. “We both know that neither of us cares for the other, weretiger.”

Atsushi continued to stare at him for a long moment, and then turned away, pushing a hand through his hair. “I don’t fucking believe this.” He wasn’t really going to do this right now, was he? Oh god, he was.

Akutagawa was not prepared for Atsushi grabbing him by the lapel of his coat and yanking him after. “Weretiger, release me!”

Rashomon shot out from his coat defensively, but Atsushi winged Akutagawa around him, which thudded him back against a brick wall just inside a wide alley that cut between two warehouses. Rashomon cushioned his impact, and before Akutagawa could start a counterattack Atsushi slammed his hand against the wall beside Akutagawa’s head.

Then he grabbed Akutagawa by the ascot and yanked him into a kiss.

For a split second, he could taste the confusion coming off Akutagawa; then Rashomon collapsed back into his coat and his arms went around Atsushi, holding him in place against Akutagawa as they leaned into the wall. “And you call me the idiot,” Atsushi said, breathless, when they finally drew apart.

Akutagawa was staring at him. He lifted his hand to gently touch Atsushi’s face. With his lips parted Atsushi could see the hint of his fangs protruding. “Didn’t you just eat?” Atsushi asked.

“I just need a taste, weretiger—please…”

He had never, in his life, heard Akutagawa say please. Atsushi pulled at the bandage still covering his left wrist, and Akutagawa bit him very gently, lapping away the blood that welled from beneath his skin and never breaking eye contact with Atsushi as he fed. Warmth wicked down his arm, and Atsushi sighed, little pinpricks of pleasure starting at the base of his spine.

Akutagawa’s breath caught when Atsushi pressed up against him again, pinning him against the wall. Atsushi’s heart was going so fast; true to his word Akutagawa had only taken a taste, he was barely even lightheaded. And now he wanted a taste as well, eyes locked on Akutagawa’s, shimmering in the shadow of the building.

Atsushi shifted his weight, slid his hand between them, and pressed his palm over the bulge he’d felt in Akutagawa’s trousers. Akutagawa’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly, still pinned on his; and Atsushi refused to look away, chin tilted defiantly. “You got your taste,” Atsushi breathed, pushing the ruffled hem of Akutagawa’s shirt up, finding that point where his trousers touched skin blindly. “Now I want mine.”

On his knees, now, Atsushi worked the zipper down, loosing Akutagawa’s trousers on his hips. He truly hadn’t anticipated getting this far, but he was dogged, driven now by a primal need to experience, to taste; and steadily, carefully, he freed Akutagawa’s erection from his underwear.

Akutagawa let out a soft sigh when Atsushi’s fingers wrapped around it, marveling at it. This was the first time Atsushi had touched his, he stroked the length slowly, wetting his lips. When he glanced up, Akutagawa had one hand in the front of his shirt, keeping the ruffled hem up and out of the way, but the other was flat against the brick behind him, braced there; and his eyes—still grey, with an iridescent tinge—were locked on Atsushi.

“You’re going to have to tell me,” Atsushi said, stroking him, eyes returning to the curve of his cock, “if I do something you don’t like.” That said, he nuzzled in close, getting a good whiff of Akutagawa’s scent before very tentatively flicking the tip of his tongue over the head of Akutagawa’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” Akutagawa whimpered and covered his mouth with his hand.

Atsushi’s eyes shot back up to his face, and while Akutagawa had covered his mouth, the tips of his ears were very red. “What was I doing?” he asked, stroking Akutagawa slowly, getting a feel for him, “when you were thinking of me?”

Akutagawa didn’t actually answer, but that was okay. Atsushi was a bit preoccupied anyway, flattening his tongue and trying to remember what Akutagawa did with him and reimagining it. He couldn’t get much of Akutagawa’s cock into his mouth, as the thought of it hitting the back of his throat pre-emptively made him gag, and he drew back—and to his surprise, Akutagawa’s entire body tensed. “Oh, did you like—?”

Atsushi didn’t get a chance to finish the question before Akutagawa released on his face.

He had no time to react, Akutagawa’s cock pulsing in his hand, and all he could do was close his eyes and turn his face. He felt the thick, sticky fluid coat his nose and over his cheek, up into his hair—and after a few moments, he cracked an eye open, when he thought the worst of it had passed. Atsushi glanced up at Akutagawa, whose eyes were as wide as saucers, and his face was flushed red up to his hairline.

“Holy shit, a little warning, next time?” Atsushi said, wiping the cuff of his sleeve over his nose and succeeding only in smearing the fluid across his skin. “Oh god, is it in my hair?”

Akutagawa slid down the wall and sat, legs sprawled wide on either side of Atsushi, staring at him as he attempted to clean himself. “Weretiger…” Akutagawa croaked, and Atsushi looked at him, eye to eye.

“Good?” he asked, wiping his face again, and Akutagawa grabbed him by the collar and yanked him in close—and then he licked fluid from Atsushi’s temple. Atsushi shuddered at the contact and bit back a moan.

“That was…” Akutagawa’s hand tensed in his collar, and his other hand pressed against Atsushi’s trousers, watching Atsushi shudder again, eyes going half-lidded. He exhaled something Atsushi didn’t quite catch and then nipped his neck. “Don’t expect it always to be so quick, weretiger,” he breathed, face pressed to Atsushi’s skin.

Atsushi laughed and pulled his hands tight in the back of Akutagawa’s coat.

<< Chapter 4 ||| Start ||| Chapter 6 >>

[hellonoblesky]

hi dovie im writing that fanfic where albatross sneaks into soukokus bed. i need to know what his terrors would be about (im giving you a "PLEASE GIVE ME A CHARACTER ANALYSIS IM BEGGING YOU" look rn btw)

LOVe. LOVELOVE LVOE PEACE AND LOVE MWAH MWAH

SO. So. In the Trainwreck Trio au Albatross is the sole survivor of Verlaine's killing of the Flags, yeah? So he has nightmares n stuff from That alongside survivor's guilt, and a feeling of inadequacy because he couldn't save Doc who was the one person he really did think he saved there, and also bc they teased him for not being very smart all the time so he's like "AUGH why do I get to survive but all the smarter people died?? I'm not worth this, god DAMMIT" <- Which feeds into his nightmares and terrors, really sending him into a silly doom spiral of The Horrors

BUT ALSO the only reason Albatross even SURVIVES Verlaine's onslaught is that in this au Wollstonecraft was on standby for repairs for Adam, so Adam calls her and is like "HEY I THINK VERLAINE JSUT FUCKING MAIMED ALL OF CHUUYAS FRIENDS GO?? CHECK ON THEM PLEASE AND THANK YOU" so she goes in there with a team and they re-stabilize Albatross literally by having to move the majority of his organs and internal functioning system into a metal vessel and then working circutry and robotics through him so he's functional enough to pass as a normal person (given that no one pays attention to or makes contact to any part of him lower than his chest because it is Metal you knock on that man's stomach you hear Clanging)

^ This is important because alongside the Terrors and Horrors of watching pretty much his entire found family get torn apart right in front of him, Albatross begins a spiral into a state of questioning his personal humanity, the thought of "I should be dead I should be dead I'm not dead because of these machines in me I'm part of a machine now am I a Person anymore??"

Which feeds into a self-isolation that was originally fueled by his survivor's guilt and probably PTSD, because now he's like "Oh. oh those are normal people I don't think i. i deserve that. ok. hm. ok i'm leaving now."

AND TO HIM. TO HIM?? CHUUYA AND DAZAI BOTH FALL UNDER THE CATEGORY OF HUMAN. HE LOOKS AT THEM AND HE'S LIKE "Yeah... there they are,,, just normal guys..... not exactly the normallest of guys but they're more people than I am i think,,"

So, you remember that one post about dead albatross symbolysm? The kin awakening one? Yeah so the frantic sobbing-so-hard-he-can't-breath breakdown I mentioned he probably had at the end of that? That's like, within the AU timeline, so it's like

>SB Events >The Horrors (Self-Isolation Version) >Breakdown/Tipping Point (Catalyst for him being able to Begin to return to regularly interacting with people, starting w Chuuya) >The Horrors Pt2 (Adjusting to everything) <- This is the stage where the drawing I did takes place in! He's too unstable to just be able to Ask to stay over but he figures if he can Sneak in then it's fine >Dark Era (He's a lot better at this point but also he has an episode about Dazai leaving because Losing People Doesn't Go Over Well With Him) >Current day (Epic Gamer moment)

ANYWAY so the Terrors and Horrors you want to go for for ur fic are probably feelings of like. Feeling lost and struggling to find closeness but also being so close and Needing that closeness to someone, an unhealthy dose of anxiety but specifically the anxiety you feel when it's mixed with depression so it's anxiety but somehow?? Slower. Like it's definitely Anxiety but mixing it with Depression made it's constancy thicker so it's less a "fidget nervous gotta run gotta go fear fear fear" feeling and more of a "the swamp is swallowing me and the branch is just out of reach but if i can just move a little to the side here jsut a little", if that ??? Makes sense??

TL:DR: Survivor's guilt and a feeling of displacement. Horrors and terrors of the Depression stage of grief mixed with Anxiety

AND if you have other questions I can answer them :)!!!!!!!<333

[transsexualhamlet]

okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -

1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀

2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not

3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD

p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)

AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel

I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.

So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.

But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff

So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it

But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.

Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.

Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.

But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there

I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense

A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:

-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.

but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.

The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol

-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.

-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun

-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently

And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy

[chocolate-parfait]

IM SORRY IN ADVANCE!!! It makes me feel horrible but like... 💀 for Mozart and Isaac... lowkey want Dazai but I think I’d rather die than to see his despair lmao. I hope hope youre well and take your vitamins~~

I'm (kinda) back for now!! Here ya go and sorry for the wait~

(TW; death and mentions of suicide)

☠️ How do they react when they find out their s/o is dead?

Mozart

Natural death:

The void caused by your departure is always there, lingering in his troath like the bitter aftertaste of a terrible medicine. Sometimes this tight and oppressing feeling squeezes his heart as if a sharp string constricting his whole being

The more you love someone, the more you find it difficult to move on one once they're gone. The same way, at least one part of Mozart's mind is always focused on the memory of you, your smile, your scent, the feeling of your touch. When his thoughts start overwhelming him as he's playing the piano, he suddenly changes tempo and transforms whatever he's playing into something more akin to a violent storm. Then, when he's finally relaxed a bit, the tune becomes what one would describe as a soft, light rain with a tinge of sadness underneath

Whenever he's not cooped up in the music room playing, he can be found wandering the empty halls of the mansion like a lost soul in purgatory. He's tired and his limbs feel heavy, and during the first months of his mourning he doesn't even have the force to throw his usual hard stares and harsh words at the other residents. After some time, despite his constant longing to see you, his mood improves ever so slightly, but he knows he probably won't be getting back to his tiptop shape anytime soon, not that he actually wants to. To feel happy without you by his side is almost a blasphemy to him, and this time he's not going to change his mind

Sudden death:

He will never be able to forgive himself for not protecting you. From the outside he's as pale and dull as the ashes left after a fire dies out, but underneath it all, there's a flame hotter than any star in the endless space, a raging storm of anger fueled by sorrow and utter desperation. Though he may not be as expressive, his music speaks volumes. His piano is now the only thing he focuses on, and anyone who passes by the music room can understand how well it must mirror the state of his soul. It becomes painfully clear how deeply affected he is even to Mozart himself when he nearly destroys some piano keys from hitting them with too much force. He doesn't really care, he just wants you to come back, but knowing how unlikely that is, he can do nothing but deal with his emotions in the only way he knows, through music

Once his overwhelming rage subsides, he's left with nothing but a dull ache that spreads from his heart and tightens in the coldest of embraces, the exact opposite of your warm and loving one

Ever since when you're no longer with him, no one has ever heard a happy tune coming from his piano ever again

Isaac

Natural death:

You're the first person who truly loved him, embraced him and supported him unconditionally, and after you decided to spend your entire lifetime with him, saying he feels grateful is an understatement. Of course there won't be a moment in which he won't be thinking of you nor missing you, but after the gloom and a talk with the other residents, he feels confident enough to try and face life again

This does not mean that the process is an easy one, and it takes him quite some time to get used to a life without you. He's so used to holding your hand and talking to you that sometimes he wakes up with the illusion that you'll be there to greet him. When he realizes that you're no longer there, his heart almost stops beating as tears start forming in his eyes

Sudden death:

He cannot forgive himself. Your death causes him to revert to his original hermetic state. His confidence is crushed, his heart hollow and his mind numb. He had always known he wasn't man enough to protect you, and now for his stupid mistake you had lost your life. If you hadn't met him you'd probably be somewhere happily smiling as you enjoy your life to the fullest. Though he feels guilty for doubting your love, his brain acknowledges that it's the very reason why you had to suffer so much

After uselessly pleading Comte to find a way to bring you back to life, he finally surrenders to the utter desperation that angrily whirled between the the walls of his heart. He starts neglecting his research, his job at the university, his own needs and hunger. More often than not he cries himself to a sleep haunted with nightmares and feverish visions of you. With you, a big part of him died, too, and there's no angel nor devil that can make him feel alive him anymore

Dazai

Natural death:

He had always known this day would've come, and surprisingly enough he's way calmer than what he thought he'd be. Maybe his brain hadn't yet fully realized what happened, but mostly it's because you had spent your whole life loving and protecting him from his dark and unhappy thoughts and tendencies, so now he couldn't bring himself to let your efforts be in vain.

Your positive energy has rubbed off on him, but though tries his best to smile it off, there's still a hint of desolation in his golden orbs. He's going to feel extremely lonely without you there, but he wants to try and keep up a front by focusing on the immense gratitude and love left in his heart for you. If he spent the rest of his days slumped over his tear stained pillow you'd probably feel really sad too, right? That's what he wants to believe and it pushes him to at least try pretending he's fine

Sudden death:

How could he be so blind and foolish to crave something so atrociously horrible during his life? Was this the salvation he had so much believed in? Dazai's heart fills with contempt towards life and destiny. All those times you told him life wasn't something that exists for the sake of atonement, he had believed you like a child would with their mother, but the truth was another

You, who didn't have any faults nor commit any sin, why was it you who had to pay the price for something you were not culpable of? But in his heart he knows the answer. The only mistake your pure soul could be accused of was loving him. He, who could not protect you. He, who had wasted an entire life running to reach the end as fast as possible, believing that all his wrongdoings would have been forgiven if he did so

But now what use does he have of all those worthless conjectures? Now that you are no longer there, now that he's left alone in his suffering, now he could perhaps embrace the cold end without the egotistical wish to be forgiven, but to meet you again instead

[normiewrites]

To celebrate the last Friday the 13th of the decade, I decided to write a small fanfic in honour of the nightmare before christmas, one of my favourite films. 

This is also my first time writing for Dazai, so I hope y’all like it!

I suggest hearing the song before reading

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouAt_5UO83s

P.S - this will be my last post till my winter break

Let’s find out (The Nightmare Before Christmas AU) - Dazai x (g/n)Reader 

The wind nipped at your skin, but it didn’t feel cold or warm, in short it didn’t feel like anything. You could never feel anything, being something constructed in a lab. You wished to know how the petals of the dragon lilies felt under your hands as you traced your hand across the stem, making sure not to get bitten by it, and how the glistening soil felt against your knees as you knelt in the garden. In the distance, you could hear the Halloween parade fading out, the annual celebration which was all that anyone in the town ever lived for. No matter how much you loved the gore and fanatics, you longed for something more, something that was different. Or rather, someone who was different.

You sighed softly, knowing that in a matter of minutes Doctor Finklestein would call you back to the lab to lock you up and labour for him, and despite feeling nothing you shivered at imagining how much he would scold you for ruining your knee stitches with the soil. Alas, you did eventually stop caring over the years, but he made you, so there was always the threat that he could break you. You longingly stared at the forest on your left, the dark trees so close yet so far together, as if hiding something from you. You knew to never go there, it was always mentioned when the Doctor let you out, yet that only fueled your curiosity.

“Y/n!!!!!!”, you heard the crackly and stretched voice from afar, the echoes telling you that it came from the tower, your supposed home.

Just as you were getting up, you heard a faint familiar voice, making you dash behind a nearby bush, the thorns of the toad snippers barely bothering you.

“There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best

For my talents are renowned far and wide

When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night

I excel without ever even trying

With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms

I have seen grown men give out a shriek

With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan

I have swept the very bravest off their feet”

You gasped softly, watching as the man in the bandages and beige coat walked through the garden, plucking a dragon lily and sighing softly as it nipped at his chin. He brown hair danced in the wind as he threw the flower onto the ground, walking towards the hill on the right of the garden. He slowly crept up the hill, hands in his pocket as his head faced down.

“Yet year after year, it's the same routine

And I grow so weary of the sound of screams

And I, Dazai, the Pumpkin King

Have grown so tired of the same old thing”

Your eyes widened in revelation. You had always admired Dazai from afar, scared of weirding him out with your revelations of the town, but you never knew how he truly felt. In some ways, it’s as if you both were the same. You never knew how the King of Halloween could feel so bored with it, but you couldn’t deny you felt the same.

“Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bandages

An emptiness began to grow

There's something out there, far from my home

A longing that I've never known”

Now with the yellow moon behind him as he stood on top of the hill, you could no longer see the way his brown dead eyes glistened in horror. His deep honey voice filled the emptiness of the garden as the wind made the ends of his bandages and coat trail behind him in the wind. He picked up his head, hands out of the pockets as he waved them around, a dramatic in play.

“I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light

And I'll scare you right out of your pants

To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister Unlucky

And I'm known throughout England and France”

You restrained yourself from screaming out as he started to walk forward, scared that he would fall, yet the tip of the hill grew and grew, following his every step as he walked down back to the garden, a soft blue essence floating behind him, leaving a ghost like trail. Of course, how could you forget, he was the King of Halloween.

“And since I am dead, I can take off my head

To recite Shakespearean quotations

No animal nor man can scream like I can

With the fury of my recitations”

You watched in awe, like every other citizen of the town would, as Dazai took off his head, holding it in his hand as it stared back at his neck. There was no blood, no pain, just pure magic and the true horrors of the Pumpkin King. He was now at the edge of the forest and you could see the darkness of it sucking him in. He couldn’t resist it either, and it felt odd that something so strange and unfamiliar felt so comforting and attractive. Putting his head back on, he went in, walking through the forest with his head down, his lament ongoing. You didn’t think twice before following him, hiding behind trees and trying your best to avoid the twigs and dry leaves on the ground.

“But who here would ever understand

That the Pumpkin King with the demon grin

Would tire of his crown, if they only understood

He'd give it all up if he only could”

He, who had everything, would give it all up if he could? The man so praised for what he does, would give his crown away? Nobody ever really knew him then, and you never knew that he would be the someone who was different. You would expect it to be one of the mice buskers who lived in the alleyways, not the Pumpkin King.

You both weaved through the forests, the threes getting thicker and lighter as you continued your journey through the barren foreign land. The first signs of the new day painted everything, the orange of the pumpkin sun appearing through the trees.

“Oh, there's an empty place in my heart

That calls out for something unknown

The fame and praise come year after year

Does nothing for these empty tears”

You could feel his longing seeping into your brain, the sadness of his voice snapping you out of the reality of the party town. Dazai stopped at a small opening just as his head whipped up, looking at the trees that circled him. It didn’t look natural, but then again what was natural in this world? What was more odd was the different markings on the doors, and doorknobs? There seemed to be doors on the doors, all leading to somewhere different.

“Oh, what’s all this?” he wondered out loud, looking at each of the five trees.

He first looked at the one before him, the tree marked with a big red heart, then the next, a tree with a green four leaved plant on it. What were these things? There were no pumpkins and skeletons, and such vibrant colours were absent in the town of Halloween. Then he turned around, looking at the other trees, marked with a colourful egg and a type of bird, but the one that caught his attention the most was the tree marked with another green tree, shiny balls and presents decorating it.

“So pretty, it’s the complete opposite of everything here” he whispered, loud enough for you to hear, as he walked towards the tree.

Your grip on the tree that you hid behind tighten, a few splinters entering your cloth like skin as you tried your best not to warn him. You watched with a held breath as he wrapped his hand around the doorknob. He was about to open the door, but he stopped and sighed softly.

“Wanna come along, y/n?”

You stiffened up, hearing your name whispered from his lips. Did he know you were watching him all along? Was he angry? What was he going to do to you now? You kept cussing out in your head, hands clenched into fists as you stepped out into the open, looking down, too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

“Don’t worry, I enjoy having a cute stalker, but I’m tired of the distanced stares. Why not look at me up close and personal instead, darling?” he charmed, smirking softly at you as you looked up into his eyes, cheeks flushed.

You don’t say anything as you walk towards his outstretched hand, biting your lip in anticipation. You felt awful for what you had done, yet your curiosity and longing for something different overpowered those emotions as you curiously looked at the tree shaped door, feeling his arm wrapped around your shoulders. For the first time in forever, you felt a warmth shoot down your body, the feeling unique as you softly leaned into his touch. You could feel his stare on your wondering face and you couldn’t help but stutter.

“W-What is this, D-Dazai?” you asked, mentally slapping yourself for stuttering in front of him.

You could finally see the deadliness of his soft brown eyes, a whole paradox that you wished to explore.

“Let’s find out, y/n” he whispered, opening the door in front of you, a gust of wind and white particles flowing out, accompanied by the darkness of the mysteries that lied beyond.

[akutagawaprize]

Would you?? actually?? write an essay on how Akutagawa is a good character despite not being a good person?? bc that kind of analysis is my shit my pal

Yeah, sure. There are people who can express themselves better than I can… and I’m not really sure sometimes if what I say makes sense but if you’re willing to plow through I’ll keep it as short as I can.

First of all, what is Akutagawa’s role in the story? In earlier chapters he is established as the main antagonist, and later on he serves as a foil to Atsushi. In the mafia he is a cog in the wheel; a powerful pawn, but one that is not indispensable. Akutagawa gives the impression of being irrational and cannot be reasoned with, blind to everything but his own emotions at the moment. He seeks power not because he has any ambitions for himself, but to prove that his existence has meaning.

What is it that drives Akutagawa so? He’s had a rough childhood, sure, but so do most of the people in the series (screams of “they are all ORPHANS” surround the room aaaaaghhhh). In my mind, there’s always something unhinged about him, something I also feel the same with when it comes to Dazai. Both of them were shaped by their circumstances but Dazai was tougher mentally, and had begun to get bored of the world. He also had the opportunity to be taken in by Mori, and although I’m sure this is where people would disagree with me, I consider this a luxury compared to Akutagawa who fought his way to survive in this dog eat dog world. But in any case, their two paths do cross, and the timing in which Dazai appears in Akutagawa’s life cannot be any more perfect: he was ready to die to avenge his friends, but anything that will give him a reason to live he will cling to, no matter how hellish the path will be. (Cue rl Akutagawa’s ‘Life is more hellish than hell itself.’ quote)

And again, this is where I point out how disturbing Akutagawa’s way of thinking already is. He has a sister, but prior to his first encounter with Dazai he went after those responsible for his friends’ death without any regards for her safety and survival. There is probably familial bond… but love? He has never known it, has never tasted it, and even when someone shows it he’d probably subconsciously reject it. He has no attachments to anyone which is why it is all the more painful when he decides to devote himself in gaining Dazai’s approval. What’s even sadder is that Dazai knows it. I’m thoroughly convinced that Dazai saw through him at once, that there was no point in coddling him or treating him like fragile china. Akutagawa would detest that. This is in contrast to Atsushi who gains strength in positive reinforcement and support. I guess in a modern setting, it’s the classic “work harder since boss says I’m doing great” vs “work harder bec screw you Ryan I’m getting my promotion” kind of mindset.

This, to me, is an intriguing aspect of Akutagawa. Because he scoffs at Atsushi for being stuck in the past, but he himself cannot help but return back to Dazai, desiring to obtain acknowledgement of his powers. To the point that he was willing to go on fighting Hawthorne despite not being in optimal condition. And, if you’ve read LN4, he even decided to walk in hellfire even as his [spoiler alert] eyeballs were melting. That’s frightening singlemindedness and willpower right there. But it’s sad. Very sad. He suffers from tunnel vision, and doesn’t see that he’s stuck in the same place he started, except now there is Dazai, peering at him from above and dangling a spider web, tempting him to climb up.

And believe me, not a day passes by that he doesn’t try.

So when he sees Atsushi, it makes no sense that everything is handed to this dude in a silver platter. He is loved, he is protected…and even with his horrifying childhood in the orphanage, surely it’s not as if Akutagawa himself didn’t suffer, living every day as if it was his last. What nightmare is that environment, that at such an early age he has been made numb to the act of killing and to the idea of being killed? He was never given the chance to be a child. Dazai, who had beaten him and told him he would be thrown away like a worthless dog if he acts up, took in this kid who does nothing but complain and whine how incapable he is. This kid, who is favored by fortune and has managed to escape through life and death situations not only because of his OP powers (Atsushi’s basically wolverine, ok?) but also because he had comrades who cared for him. This kid, who has an indescribable power he cannot control, while Akutagawa had to work his ass for years just to keep Rashomon manageable. (To further hammer it in, watch the first ED again, where Akutagawa drowns and a bloody[?] tear escapes from his eye. He doesn’t have any clothing on. What’s his ability again? Yeah, without that he is garbage and to be discarded, is what seems to be the implication. Let’s not even get started with that scene in LN2.) Isn’t it mad? It’s as if the world gave him the biggest middle finger and there was nothing he could do but suck it up. Of course, Akutagawa has Higuchi and the Black Lizard, but the mafia being the mafia, their camaraderie isn’t as obvious as it in ADA. Add to his lone wolf personality, we can say for certain that Akutagawa thinks he is ALWAYS, always fighting alone.

As a character Akutagawa is seemingly stagnant, and as I pointed out, has no end goals of his own. Currently, he only follows the orders given to him by the top brass. It is something I wish Asagiri would work on, but given the current state of events in the Cannibalism arc, I suppose it cannot be helped that he won’t be spotlighted. As for being a good character, I think he is one, because he’s neither the run of the mill chaotic evil villain nor the sympathetic antagonist. He’s just…. Akutagawa. I didn’t write passages of his past to make people think he deserves a hug; rather, I want people to understand that Akutagawa, in his own twisted way, was saving himself from desolation. Isn’t it contradictory, you ask? Sure, but as I pointed out, he has his moments of being a hypocrite, scoffing at Atsushi but ignoring the fact that he is blind when it comes to how Dazai has changed, all the while chasing after the illusion of that godlike being he first met.

But if Atsushi is the story of shedding away your past and facing the future head on, Akutagawa’s can be interpreted in two ways: 1.) Swallowing the same past and using it as fuel to do something about the situation even when the forces are against you (spite makes people do things they think they thought they would never be able to do!); and 2.) As a cautionary tale to all those who choose to isolate themselves and forget that there may be people who are behind them and want to help during bad times.

As for Akutagawa himself, I’m looking forward to any development his character would undergo.