#nh2 speculation

[actualhumansunshine]

No pressure but I am waiting for you to do track by track 😅

heartbreak weather - an absolute TUNE. super catchy, super funky, super 80s, and he sounds SO GOOD. great ‘listen in the car with the windows down’ song. would have been completely at home in the 1975, carly rae jepsen, walk the moon, etc 80s throwback wave a few years back. it’s a GREAT opener, setting up the main sonic themes of the album- the layering, the funky guitars, the added vocal adlibs and harmonies, and the general LUSHNESS of the production in comparison to flicker.

black and white - it’s SO CUTE. big Castle On The Hill vibes, in that it’s a little more acoustic based and has a very strong driving instrumental. the picture the lyric paints is gorgeous, but super, super interesting in the context of the rest of the story? if the album were a film, it seems like a good majority of the song would be a dream sequence, between the chorus imagining their wedding and second verse’s ‘i always knew’ at 65.

dear patience - probably lower in the rankings on the album for me, but still REALLY REALLY good. i love the different synths and how they elevate the song beyond just acoustic ballad that could have been on flicker to a ~bigger song that matches the vibe of the rest of the album. it kind of reminds me of 1D’s infinity a little bit with the lowkey synth drop into the chorus? and the ending where it pulls back to the violin is a nice parallel / echo to the way still ends with an instrumental part as well, and i ALWAYS love a good parallel

bend the rules - my first thought was literally “i understand the streets of philadelphia comparison now.” the production and the vocal delivery feel SO springsteen, but it works well when paired with the lyrics. the deeper tone, the slightly sluggish delivery, you just FEEL the exhaustion and hurt and confusion that the anxiety from his partner’s potentially shady behavior is causing him. i feel like i tend to rank this song lower, but then i listen to it and realize that i just forgot how GOOD it really is and that it should be higher so....it’s still growing on me and will probably be higher the more i listen.

small talk - THAT 👏 FUCKING 👏 BITCH 👏 i’m just???? how the FUCK is this a real song???? HOW?????? as soon as the beat hits at the first chorus, it’s fucking ONNNN. his voice sounds fucking PHENOMENAL throughout, moving from gritty to smooth, higher to lower with such ease. and the fucking ADLIBS IN THE LAST CHORUS??? the big belted “YEAHHHHH” leading out of the bridge???? the strength and conviction to the “you know i want it too”???? the deep tone on “straight up to your room” that reverberated in my pussy???? again i ask, how the FUCK is this song real??????

arms of a stranger - full on 80s powerballad. the lyrics are absolutely brutal, and it’s wild to imagine the same person that wrote flicker writing something like this rip. the guitar sounds on this song (and the album in general) are reallyyyyy nice. and i love a bit of clever songwriting, so the last “you left me with nothing” and immediate fadeout is REAL GOOD.

everywhere - the juxtaposition between the lyric and production is probably some of the best on the album. it’s got a similar quick, driving tempo to B&W, but it somehow feels even MORE frantic, which matches the desperate attempt to escape them and their memory. again, if the album was a film, i imagine this song being some sort of played-for-laughs montage where he’s seeing the other person everywhere he looks, their face is on every even-slightly-similar-looking-stranger’s face, and he feels like he’s going crazy because he literally cannot escape them no matter how hard he tries.

cross your mind - ANOTHER FAVE!! the distorted vocals in the intro and throughout the song, the bassline, the melody. it’s SO catchy and fun and makes me want to scream the words along, despite some painful (or potentially extremely sarcastic?) lyrics. it’s definitely got some fleetwood vibes, and by extension kind of grown-up-(production-wise)-SWA vibes?? or circles / circles cover vibes??? “at least you came tonight” has me SCREAMING every single time i hear it, i love that line. i just love, love, love this song

new angel - SHE SLAPS!!! it gives me Adore You vibes tbh?? i think in the bass maybe?? nothing wrong with that tho because that song ALSO slaps. he fucking KILLED it on vocals, especially the “cause you move when you’re moving me,” and all the layers and adlibs emphasize again just how fucking GOOD the production is on the album as a whole

san francisco - first half of the end. there’s a lowkey current country ballad vibe to it, but i’m not mad at that?? i think with the themes it’s covering, that vibe works really well for it. i like the idea of “take me back” having a bit of a double meaning- a) wanting to go back to the beginning of the relationship, as reflected in “i wanna kiss you like the first time / hold you like it’s not goodbye’, and b) a desperate plea for another chance at the relationship, as reflected in “i might show up on your doorstep soakin wet / say i’m done running from the one that i want so bad.” also it’s so interesting that he’s fully acknowledging that what they had couldn’t last and that there’s too much damage between them to undo, yet he’s willing to surrender and stop fighting against it if he were to get another shot.

still - second half of the end. it feels like this song isn’t complete without SF before it and vice versa. they compliment each other and fit together so well in the way they begin the path to healing and moving on, and it’s so different to anything on flicker? with flicker, it really felt like he was just saying the things that he should have but didn’t at the time and it was all bit more selfish, you know? there was a lot of wondering why his love wasn’t enough to make it work - cause clearly he loved that person A LOT, but for whatever reason it still fell apart - but with this album and these two songs, it feels like there’s a huge amount of maturity and growth shown in that it feels like he’s coming to terms with the fact that love alone isn’t always going to be enough to make a relationship work. he’s not always going to be right or make every decision perfectly, he’s going to fail and let down his partner sometimes, but he needs to make the extra effort in the times when his love alone doesn’t seem to be enough. and that realization that he needs to change going forward - whether that’s with and for the other person or if it’s on his own just for himself - is so important that’s the only way he’ll come to a place where he’ll be able to be a partner and have a love like he dreams. and the song itself is so perfect as a closer in how soft and vulnerable it feels, and i literally haven’t listened to it once without getting chills during the bridge as it builds with the “we’ll be alright / it’ll be alright”

dress - as i said before- 100%, no question, an absolutely incredible epilogue for the album. he’s continuing down the journey of healing that started in SF/Still and knows it’s time to move on, even tho a piece of him still isn’t quite ready to do that and might NEVER be ready. it’s just so fucking beautiful in it’s expression of a heart that knows it’s time to let go, you know? he still loves them, he still wants them, he still wants to apologize and make it right or make it better or do SOMETHING, but he’s done all that he can do and bridges are burnt, so he has to turn the page.

nothing - SO GOOD!!!! SO, SO GOOD!!! there’s an undeniable swagger and mysteriousness to it that’s unlike anything i’ve heard from niall before, but still feels very ~niall. it’s interesting because the lyrics are generally a lot more metaphorical and fantastical than he tends to go for (they feel quite classic rock in that sense tbh), but they’re simple enough that they allow the melody and production and FEELING of the song take center stage, which feels right for something so heavy hitting music-wise

[aactualhumansunshine]

Hailee stares down the camera in a way that might be uncomfortable for some *coughs niall*, and I’m hoping Christian could send Niall some notes for that, but I’m not sure if he will take kindly to notes for Christian ??? Haha

what are you trying to say here, anon??? niall’s not assertive enough to stare down the camera like he wants to have sex with it?? ghalsdkjfghalskdfj

honestly, i think he IS capable of it, but actually being faced with NEEDING to do it makes him uncomfortable, maybe because it’s not something he’s ever really had to do all that much?? like “sexy glamour shots” was definitely not 1D’s vibe, and hasn’t been his vibe so far either. but i think even if the AESTHETIC of the shoot was really, really solid, that would do a lot in raising niall’s fairly chill vibe into a sexier place, you know??

[niallynwa]

amy allen (who is a really popular writer right now but in the period where i don't think her songs have come out yet) followed niall a while ago but i just looked at her following list and she very recently followed marco *EYE EMOJIS FOR DAYS* if a song listening has gone as far to niall bringing in his manager. could've also been that she sent the request when he was in LA during february and marco just accepted it. EITHER way... let's go girls!!!!

👀👀

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 17 Jan

The promo for Walls (the single) may be getting folded into the promo for Walls (the album) but that doesn't mean there's not lots going on. For example today alone brings a big interview in the weekend Telegraph magazine and the London listening party! In the Telegraph Louis talks about, well really a lot of stuff, including being more comfortable offering care to others than accepting it, his sisters, and music, including his long term plans (a five album trajectory.) He says he's still at the point in that where he's balancing what he wants to do with what the fans want as he eases forward, which fits with the quote from the listening party today where he said that Always You wasn't his favorite musically but he left it on the album because the fans wanted it (I don't think that's the only reason especially after what we were told today but him saying that just confirms for me that there's reason to.) The usual amount of Eleanor and Freddie material is covered, with a pointed, "he looks just like me!" from Louis about Freddie, LOL, but also an unusual amount of Oli material, happy days! Oli is referred to as "a walking comfort goat blanket" and we hear about he and Louis and Eleanor's blissful poly shared living situation at the London home, plus even talk about his future goals ("a bit of work with Louis’s tour manager this year.") My least favorite meta writer, Simon Jones, brings us the official Walls lyrics story: the song is about Louis' girlfriend, oBviOUsly (Eleanor implied here), but also about the band, but at a very specific time, during which Louis would in fact have been waking up alone with Danielle... listen this story worked fine before you started overexplaining. Doesn't Simon know excessive detail is the downfall of selling a lie? ANYWAY, how about that listening party! They heard the whole album and saw the Walls video which both fan reports and Louis tell us is "the best one yet!" We're told it has Louis in a suit and strong Lights Up parallels (laralells) thematically, and got one still from the video today that's Louis standing in front of a burning wall. More reports: in Always You Louis sings about looking for his gender neutral loved one in Amsterdam LA and Tokyo, UMM OMG, Perfect Now (speculated to be written to his young sisters) sounds like it has an updated WMYB thing happening lyrically which I really did not see coming, and Louis says his favorite lyric on the whole LP is "took some time cause I ran out of energy playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be," WOW.

Louis has a Snapchat now which I guess isn't surprising, they've had promo things for all the singles but also it is because who the hell has Snapchat (besides, oddly enough, me.) The Walls lyric video is up using a cute Oasis inspired (appropriately) animation. The Brits charity show is sold out, obviously, and the Brits tweeted about Walls showing one reason why that was a great booking for him. Louis will be on The One Show next week. He tweeted to thank fans who were at Wembley today but also "ALL of you" for our support. One sad thing though, it seems the Walls mural needs some of Harry's clothes vault protecting team (maybe just one dragon?)- it got tagged today. Fans were present and able to play the role of dragon to protect Louis' face but really, wouldn't 24/7 magical creatures be more practical in the long run?

A French tabloid quotes Camille on the subject of Fine Line. The first question, of course, is whether we believe tabloids when they tell us someone said something sensational- generally no, so I'm not sure why we'd start now. But since it seems that's what we're doing, okay. Let's say she did in fact say that the voice note being on the album felt invasive to her. To refresh your memory of consent politics: saying yes to one thing doesn't imply consent for a whole range of things, and even if it did it's okay to have negative feelings after the fact about things you thought would be okay. It's okay and natural for a woman to find international discussion and criticism of her invasive, and the other thing she says, that it makes her want to tell her side of the story, is such an obvious response that I truly don't even see why people would criticize it but anyway. To refresh your memory of this here blog, I don't think being the female half of a publicity relationship is inherently immoral or despicable any more than I would participate in anti sex worker dialog.

So since we're embracing tabloids for our news today, do we believe the random paper who said Zayn and Gigi are getting married? Cause they sure did say that, but it sure is unlikely to have been based on anything other than a desire to fill space.

Anyway, Harry followed some guy named Louis, presumably for his documentary filmmaking and not his name, but a cheap thrill nonetheless (or a sneaky nod, if you prefer.)

Meanwhile, Niall said he shed a tear listening to NH2.

[wellthatwasaletdown]

I think NH2 will do well. It may not hit #1 again but it will do well as will his tour, because success tends to breed success. I won’t speculate on H because I don’t care one way or other about him.

.

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[flavorednarry]

Mirrors and fire away aren't from the other person's povs though? HE is talking about them. I think he meant in nh2, he'll have songs where he'll step into the shoes of the other person and talk TO niall if that makes sense?

Mirrors and Fire Away are songs written about the other person's perspective but through his own observations on their behavior.

I get what you mean, but that sounds kinda preposterous to me.. viz. why i was thinking it'll be him speculating the other person's PoV based on his observations again..

[thatsastretch]

I think with Niall's ocd of wanting everything just so,NH2 might be out in October with a single in early September?

I have absolutely no speculation about NH2. Niall is so eclectic about what little tidbits he lets slip about his new music and how he drops it. Little to no notice. Thursday releases. Playing his whole album for almost two months before he dropped it. All that crap he talked about Seeing Blind and having a song that was perfect for a duet...but we’ll see...and later we found out he’d already recorded with Maren. 

I guess it will probably depend on who else is releasing around that time, if he’s trying to get at least a single in before Grammy deadline and how far along the album actually is. 

[actualhumansunshine]

Did he give her back the dress or throw it out?

oooh interesting question? tbh it feels a bit like an inkblot test, where each person’s perception says a lot about them, their personality, and their emotional functions ghlaskdjf

since i’ve put that song at the end of the story as the epilogue, coming after the confrontation of the fact that they would never have worked despite the feelings he still has in San Francisco and the acceptance and peace that comes with Still, Dress is him kind of starting to let all the old feelings and memories go? there’s a certain type of heartbreak that comes with realizing that you and the person you love / want to be with are just fundamentally different people and your relationship wouldn’t have worked out no matter how hard you tried, you know? cause with something like that, it’s not like you can just Be Better or Try Harder and make some minor compromises and that’ll fix it; you’d have to compromise huuuuuge swaths of who you are as a person, which is so obviously not sustainable in the long run. but knowing that doesn’t make you just stop loving them immediately?? so i think that’s what the whole end of the album are kind of dealing with- still having that love inside of you while also knowing that the chasm between you is too wide to ever cross again.

Dress specifically feels like he’s at the point where he’s found peace with the fact that they won’t get another chance, but he’s still working through fully letting go of her and all those memories. there are bits and pieces of her all over his house that he can’t help but hold onto the same way that he’s holding onto that dress, because they hold memories of the good times and the bad times and everything in between, and as long as they’re still with him he can kind of.....be transported back to those simpler times or maybe even pretend all the bad blood between them didn’t happen. but at the same time he KNOWS that he has to move on and he has to let her go, no matter how much he wishes he could at least make things right between them first.

as for what happens to the dress.....i think he keeps it, at least for a while?? maybe packs it and all the rest of her stuff into a box that he shoves in the back of a closet or somewhere out of sight, but i don’t think he CAN let go of it or get rid of it immediately? he has to keep it somewhere safe, just for the comfort of knowing it’s there for a while - maybe weeks, maybe months - and then someday, probably once he’s forgotten it’s even there anymore, he’ll come across it and be able to look back on that time fondly, but also feel ready to finally let it go and send it back or get rid of it

[niallynwa]

Niall is happy, excited, and PROUD of the album he has made. He has continuously said that he wanted to grow, to better himself as an artist, to reach new heights with NH2. Of course not every song will be everyone’s favorite, and of course every person will have their own wishes on what he could’ve done differently. But at the present time, with only a chorus for Put A Little Love On Me and a single line from Nice To Meet Ya with us, it’s unfair to judge and use tabloid speculative agenda (from the S*n especially) to dismiss the album as a whole, to dismiss the song as a whole, and to dismiss the work he has done by diminishing it all to a “Flicker 2.0, he didn’t change” bullshit, especially when everyone who heard these songs said they are very very good, different from Flicker, and that NTMY is a banger. Just WAIT and listen to the songs.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 4 Oct

Nice To Meet Ya is out (as foretold, a banger!), the video is out (featuring one model and one hoe; both are Niall, and it's filmed at a place called the Tramp club mhmm I see you Niall) and like that wasn't enough the video has got puzzles and clues! There are a couple of phone numbers in the video- if you call the first one you get through to Niall talking to you about another song on the album, Small Talk (apparently ALSO about being a hoe- NH2 theme??) and a snippet! At the second number he tells us that the video contains four song titles from the album- they are Small Talk, Still, Heartbreak Weather, and No Judgement. More speculative, are there clues showing that the album will be out March 6 2020? The 2020 part is pretty clear and the date fits with what he's saying ("Feb or March") but as for the exact date I guess we'll see. Also- is Heartbreak Weather the Khalid collab? This speculation is based on the title and the rain emojis they used to talk about the collab back when they teased it. The phone numbers used also serve as a data mining thing, so if you call(ed) rather than listening to the recordings online, look for text spam from Niall's label in the future....

NTMY trended, along with the special cute little floating Niall head twitter emoji. Niall headed out with a gang of pals last night and when the song came out they all posted about it and he reposted them, all very cozy. From promo things that have aired so far: he tattooed 'nice to melt meet ya' on Roman Kemp (it's not that bad tbh), said the one line is in French because that way it rhymes and also "is sexier", he's played Liam's clip about him being on the fence all the time in 1D days, is offended and like 'that's not true! It was really like....' and then proceeds to say exactly what someone who refused to take a side in things would say. He says the band didn't argue, really, just bickering and that he's still very close to all the boys and always will be and he sees them a lot. He also says he's geographically close to Harry, that he lives "around the corner" from him, which people who remembered the time a couple years ago when he said he lived right up the street from Louis found... interesting. I mean wtf city is he even talking about but sure. We have yet to rise back to 'lovers' status but he does say he "loves us all so much" and call us "you sexy lot" so I mean that's kind of the same right?

Rumors ft Zayn is also out, and there's a lyric video for it (very cool vintage aesthetic.) Zayn posted the cover (a sexy pic of Sabrina Claudio) with a stick figure drawn on it and an arrow saying "me," then liked a comment saying "u look so good in this!" Lol bless him.

Another Louis date announced! He's playing the Live. Life. Love. concert in Nashville Tennessee Nov 30 (tickets on sale Oct 11 /presale the 10th). It's a benefit for a suicide prevention non profit, and will be one of two shows he'll play that week with Lizzo.

Harry followed a set designer who worked on the exhibit he went to yesterday and Sony posted a watermarked manip of him with a puppy. Credit your repost Sony! He headed out this evening looking extremely pretty and stylish in a slim cut suit (previously seen at the Dunkirk premier), red boots (that say 'Sucker' on the back, yeah, those boots) and unreasonably perfect hair. He went to an art show and was photographed (#notamanip) with the curator, Jefferson Hack. Hack is also the CEO of Dazed media which puts out Another Man magazine among other things.

And another day, another hilarious Liam interview! In today's game, Where's the Payne (Liam: oh god is the game going to be an awkward pun on my last name? Radio hosts: .....welllll....ah...I mean, here's the thing....) he is able to correctly identify only one body part- the Dimples of Venus. I know this one! he says, it's the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine we've got it in a song! Listening to him trying not to say what he's thinking the others might be is just as priceless though...

[actualhumansunshine]

NIALL ADMITTED THAT THE COLLAB WAS A SHE... BUT IT WAS LABELS THAT SHOT IT DOWN... MUST NOT BE HALSEY?

ANON, SWEETIE, I’M SO SORRY I DOUBTED YOU I’M- 

he DID say literally exactly that in the rte2 interview with eoghan and doireann yesterday morning that apparently went COMPLETELY under everyone’s radar

edit: rte2 soundcloud link 

[actualhumansunshine]

Have Niall's lyrics ever snuck on you? And you notice something in them that you didn't before? I wasn't the biggest New Angel fan but then I noticed he's singing "I'll give you what's left of me" and it hit hard. It's like the companion song to Arms of a Stranger except in the sexy initial moment. Yet with the same doomed sadness and AOAS is a story he's telling after the sensual escape is over. Empty escapes never work for him but he keeps going back before his SF/Still realizations. Clever!

RIGHT? i love that little parallel, especially because with the placement they feel ~different, even tho they’re clearly very similar? AOAS is focused on the main muse, still reeling from the heartbreak, hurt, broken, self-deprecating, trying to move on but failing miserably at every turn. NA is focused on the new person, recklessly determined to get the fuck over it but there’s also a sense of just, like, emotional exhaustion to it? he knows how bruised and broken and haunted he is at that point, he knows that all the things he’s BEEN doing to distract himself haven’t been working, and this ‘new angel’ is his last ditch effort to FINALLY get a little peace. but like you said, at the end of the day, it’s still an endless cycle of distraction before he actually has his realizations and confronts the thoughts and feelings he’s running from!

[actualhumansunshine]

I see new lyrics and I come straight to you. So far this album the lyrics seem way heavy feel this time. What’s your take?

i’m FASCINATED by it, honestly??? it’s so interesting how flicker was basically a constant stream of reassurances and “i love you, i miss you, please come back” directed at the muse, while so much of this seems to be harsher and more biting, really Going Thru It without holding back as much on the more negative thoughts and feelings after a breakup. even the bits and pieces where he’s saying he misses them, it feels more like a “i miss you because i miss feeling loved” rather than “i miss you because i love you”, you know? he’s heartbroken and hurt, hating how much he hurt them as well, but it doesn’t feel like he’s begging them to stay or come back or fix it the way he was with flicker. 

[actualhumansunshine]

Dear patience is young bruce and whole album is just 80's 90's era disco classic rock vibes

you sent this yesterday and literally got it SPOT ON, since he said in his livestream last night that the entire intention of dear patience was to channel bruce! i think that one in particular is one of the biggest signs of his growth as a songwriter this time around, especially in comparison to some of the more concept-driven songs from Flicker? where something like Paper Houses ending up feeling a bit unfinished and in need of fine tuning to fully grasp the house of cards metaphor, Dear Patience feels SO solid because of the way he’s turned the anxiety and worry at the beginning of a relationship into a personal conversation, which is one of his strengths as a writer since he’s SO GOOD at writing about intimate feelings in a grounded way that feels relatable, your know?

[actualhumansunshine]

1-4) How do you think HW storyline goes? In a SUPER simplified way I'd say: "I wasn't in a good place until you came into my life" (HW) -> "I'm really, really in love with you, I think you might be the one" (B&W) -> "omg what did I thought about getting married?? I love them, but I need to slow down" (DP) -> "oh.... i really shouldn't have rushed into this. I think they might be cheating" (BtR) -> "i'll go out and sleep with the first pretty girl I find" (ST) -> "this is fine, I'm fine, I'm

2-4) having fun and I’m meeting new people. It’s all good" (NTMY) -> “i’m having a bad day, I’m lonely, I miss you, I miss being loved. You feel like this too?” (PALLOM) -> “I hate this, i’m sleeping with other people and it’s not even fun anymore, give me my heart back, I wanna get over you” (AOAS) -> “get out of my mind!!! I can’t look at anything without thinking about you but you are not here with me and it’s driving me crazy” (E) -> “maybe we should get back together. I’m hurting anyway, so

3-4) let’s finish the job, let me love you again even if I think you’ll hurt me once more. It’ll be worth it” (CYM) -> “i can’t stop thinking about my ex, maybe what I need is someone new in my life. I will give them what’s left of me if they can make this go away” (NA) -> Idk how NJ works here, but I’ll go with your anon, because it’s a good theory and it makes sense -> “Maybe I could have handled better the situation, we didn’t have to say goodbye. I wish I could go back and relive everything

4-4) not because Idc about being hurt, but because I want to talk to you and because I’m tired of running away and pretending you’re not the one I want. There’s still time to fix this? (SF) -> "You making mistakes doesn’t mean I didn’t make some too. I’m sorry I took so long to understand that, I’m sorry if I hurt you too. Can we try to forget all this mess and go back to basics? It starts: I’m in love with you” (S). What do you think? Hahaha

i would agree for the most part? a few things i would disagree with / change:

a) HBW - i don’t think it’s necessarily as much “i wasn’t in a good place until you came into my life” as “my life was monotonous and boring and a bit lonely before, all i’ve ever known heartbreak and failed relationships, but now with you, everything feels different and better”

b) BTR - i don’t feel like it’s talking about full on accusations of “cheating”??? to me, i kind of read it as being part of a similar timeframe to DP, where it’s the very, very beginning of the relationship, it hasn’t been completely defined yet as far as What This Is, expectations haven’t been set, so it’s kind of talking about that confusing and weird time where you know how you feel, but you’re not really sure where they’re at. you’re kind of left wondering if they’re on the same page, if you’re the only one they’re still talking to, what’s going on in their head, etc.

c) ST - i agree with you, but i feel it’s such an interesting song lyrically because there’s this underlying sense of…..almost, like, guilt to it on his part? between the “won’t someone come save me” / “let ourselves get burned by the fire” / “tell me what you want because you know i want it too,” it’s like he’s almost refusing to make the first move? clearly he DOES want to fuck this person and he WILL if they say the word, but there’s this overall sense that he’s holding back on his own desires and feelings, basically relying on someone else to put a stop to it cause he knows that he won’t. so it ends up almost feeling like this is something he shouldn’t be doing or is hesitant about, maybe because he’s nervous and conflicted about having to own up to it eventually or maybe because it’s the first time he’s hooking up with someone after (in the midst?) of a messy and drawn out breakup or WHO KNOWS WHY

d) E + CYM - i feel like the most interesting way of reading these two songs (and maybe also AOAS, but these two especially), is that those emotions happening simultaneously?? the muse is everywhere, they’re totally inescapable. everywhere he looks, everywhere he goes, he’s always reminded of them, usually despite himself. but at the same time, he’s also hopelessly devoted to them and if they came back right that moment to say they still loved him, literally nothing else they could do would turn him off them. those conflicting feelings and thoughts all swirling around in his mind at the same time fits with the confusion that can come with a breakup, you know? the “i want you, but also i don’t, but also….do i? maybe i don’t, i don’t know” back and forth that it seems like he’s referred to a few times in other places (eg pallom’s “is it wrong that i still don’t know my heart”)

e) SF - “not because i don’t care about being hurt, but because i’m tired of running away” YES!!! and that’s such an interesting reversal on CYM?? CYM was all “i don’t give a shit, hurt me if that’s what it takes, i just want YOU” while SF is much more gentle to both himself and his muse? he’s more understanding about the fact that he WAS cruel or didn’t handle things correctly sometimes, and that there are reasons they aren’t going to drop everything and come back just because he wants them to, you know? he wants to make things right, but - and maybe this is just hindsight and knowing how things progress rip - it feels like there’s also this underlying understanding that his best NOW isn’t enough to erase what’s already happened THEN, no matter how much he wants it to be. 

(also, a bit of a sidenote, but i find that “i might show up on your doorstep, soaking wet / say i’m done running from the one that i want so bad” SO FASCINATING? it’s like this ultra romanticized moment in his head- dropping everything just to win his muse back like some kind of scene from a movie, but the things is……..does he actually do it? cause i’m not convinced he does tbh. it feels to me like he’s got all these grand schemes and ideas, but at the end of the day, he’s not really going to go through with any of it, as much as he’ll just hold onto these thoughts and feelings and start to processes through them on the path to healing and finally getting over it.)