#ngl I’ve read the second book in the series but I’m not sure if I’ve read the 3rd and 4th

[rosicheeks]

What books do you think everyone should read?

Have you ever considered that octopi may be the best huggers?

What's the best sound? (Personally I say windchimes)

What is the best thing to dip pizza in?

Is Bigfoot was real, he might be, would he be hot?

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Ngl I have not thought of that before 👀 I could see them being the best huggers……. Or just very slimy and slippery 😂

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Oooo windchimes are so so lovely 🥰🥰🥰

In my opinion the best sound is a cappella music. Or even just choir music. Where different voice types come together and create beautiful harmonies 😍💖

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I don’t typically dip my pizza in anything tbh

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I meeeaaaaannnn I could see it 👀👀

I’m into tall and hairy people 🫣🤭

[takeshitakyuuto]

Trigun Book Club Update Trimax volume 2

Oh sweet Jesus just look at what I have to deal with here

These are THE SCANS. KMSSSSSS

Also, despite being intimately familiar with reading right to left, the fact that the next arrow is still the right one instead of the left one completely breaks my brain. Let’s see how this goes. Although I will say that this is a slight upgrade in that the last volume scanned two page spreads separately so I kinda had to imagine how they were supposed to look put together. I should’ve just bought the books

Ch 1. That’s also how I feel whenever I hear the saxophone my dad was a jazz saxophonist, I have a degree in classical oboe performance. How did this happen? idk

Jesus being crushed to death by the weight of other humans is a horrific way to die

Ch 2. Eat like a dog, Kaiba

Sorry I’m incapable of thinking about media outside of the contexts of other things I’ve read or seen, it’s in my nature. Remember that part in Hiraeth The End of the Journey where even though Hibino had a side cart for his motorcycle, he refused to let anyone ride in it because he was saving it for his soulmate? Yeah.

Totally obsessed with Raidei’s outfit

They say don’t bring a knife to a gun fight but they said nothing about a sword!

Ooooohhhhhhh it’s the last page of chapter two and I finally figured out that it’s supposed to be Raidei the Blade. I was like braid? Why braid what’s that supposed to mean?

Ch 3. Loving the title page art for this chapter

I will not make dirty jokes about Vash’s arm gun, I will not make dirty jokes about Vash’s arm gun, I w

Ngl, this fight reminded me of (oh god im doing it again) the coliseum chapter of Kino’s Journey. I’m leaving it at that but it seems like I’ve got a penchant for human-loving gunslinging protagonists

Ch 4. Chapter called Wolfwood? LETS GOOOOOO

Vash: I don’t kill people

Wolfwood: I do, get out of my way

The more interactions between Vash and Wolfwood I read, the more I understand why people ship them. Who doesn’t want someone to put your gun to their head and tell you to shoot them

Meryl and Millie! 🥹 It’s been so long!

They say lost technology a lot but this technology certainly doesn’t seem lost

Ch 5. Nico nii chan :3c (side note: totally forgot his first name was Nicholas for a second and thought it was a joke on him always smiling)

don’t click

I really do love how large of a role family plays in the story and the characters’ motivations and personalities. I still feel like we’re in the “early” part of the series, but to be already picking up on so many of these themes and motifs is really cool, and I’m definitely keen to see how they all come to a head in the series.

Love when there’s a kanji near the page fold and the scan makes it look like ▉

I’m still not sure what Y is... it seems like a group of bad guys? Maybe? Is it Kaiba’s group?

Ch 6. Gung Ho Guns just loves toying with Vash’s emotions huh

Ch 7. Sorry I’m laughing at Wolfwood’s sultry little pose in the chapter title art here

I’m on the verge of wringing the puppetmaster’s neck holy shit just speak Japanese for once please. All of you reading a translation- know you’re lucky

Final thoughts: This was definitely a lot more interesting than the last volume, and the pace seems to be picking up. I’m still kinda waiting for it to get out of “villain of the week” type plot, but at least we’re getting more depth out of it. Also, it seems like we’ve completely abandoned those twelve coin assassins at this point? There are some things I’m still unsure about, like Y, but I also know that I struggle to pick up on more indirect things in my second language, especially when it’s referencing something that we’re just supposed to figure out. So that’s my assumption on Y, but I still don’t have any ideas on why Wolfwood has such strong ties with it. Also, I feel like my thoughts were pretty short for this volume, but that’s also definitely because there was lots of action and fight scenes this time around, and my brain just kinda shuts off for those lolol

[flamingo-strikes]

for the reading asks, 2, 3 & 25 !

OPHELIAAA 🫶🫶🫶 thank u for the ask!!!!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

I did actually! I normally don’t do re-reads because I love being surprised by new content and I have such little time to read nowadays, but I reread Women’s Liberation and the African Freedom Struggle by Thomas Sankara. I actually plan to re-read a lot more of my socialist books soon, and this was a great start.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

I’m ngl this was a slightly mid year for reading for me 😭💔 A lot of my reads were below par, at least compared to last year and the one before, but I did really enjoy a few!!! Here are my faves of this year!

The Poppy War by RF Kuang. This book is so special to me, and I love it dearly. Kuang writes such a rich, tragic world with characters that feel so real. The themes in the series are so dark, and it’s inspired by the real second Sino-Japanese war. It’s a story of colonialism, power, resistance, and it’s just really dark and fucked. Rin is my baby (she’s a war criminal). The vibes in this book compared to the rest of the series are unmatched personally. The school setting, watching Rin practice and work so hard, her rivalry with Nezha, her mentor Jiang, EVERYTHING WITH ATLAS OH MY GOD 💔 this is a must read fantasy for sure!

Counterpart by Ella Pyne. I picked this up randomly on my Kindle Unlimited because the premise seemed cool and oh my goddd I was pleasantly surprised at how amazing it is. I have NOT read a good romantic fantasy like this in such a long time. It’s about a kingdom where the king’s royal children each have a doppleganger assigned to them, and these “dopplegangers” are his illegitimate children whose mothers are concubines. In order to appease the Gods who give him his royal power, he forces one royal child to kill their doppleganger on their 16th birthday. Leda our MC is the counterpart to Azaria, and she lives everyday waiting for her impending death. She makes a plan to escape but basically things go haywire in the book. The political intrigue, the darkness, the prose, the twisted beauty of each and every character, the family drama, the horror of the court and witnessing our main character in such an awful position, it’s so beautiful and I cannot recommend this enough!! I am 👌 this close to showing up to Pyne’s house myself and begging for the third book.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. This is one of those books that change your brain chemistry istg. I am not the same person I was before. If you don’t dig my corpse out of my grave because you miss me, then you don’t love me sorry! /j. It’s a really depraved dramatic haunting story with no ounce of decorum, a stark difference to my precious exposure to Austen’s works. The Brontë sisters do NOT play around, and I love it.

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. It took me like 2-3 business days to realize I loved this one, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It makes me so sad because it’s so painfully real, and there is this sentiment in the prose that always gets me, like this resigned expectation of a society that will care more about your work value than you as a person.

Hmm filling this out is hard because after these top 4, I have a few that I equally enjoyed a lot. But I’ll go with Intercepts by T.J Payne. This is a sci-fi horror, so very out of my comfort zone but I loved it! It’s like Stranger Things x Smile, and it was SO freaky and I made a mistake reading it while I was alone in my house lmfao. It has a really fun engaging plot (not in a happy way lol), fleshed out characters, and a super eerie vibe.

25. What reading goals do you have for the next year?

Ahh I want to really get through my physical TBR in the next year because it’s kind of ridiculous how I still haven’t read books I’ve owned for 2+ years lol. And more specifically as a reading goal, I plan to engage with more diverse fantasy! I feel like I’ve stuck to more popular books and I really want to change that, find more hidden gems and support BIPOC/queer authors!!!! They’re more fun anyways lol <3 I also need to actually start reading sequels I’ve been holding off on 😭 I have this bad habit of quitting something at the end because I don’t want to let go of it lol (like y’all I stopped watching Bleach at the last ten episodes lmfao) and I want to finish more book series next year for sure!

[1d1195]

Hiii Sam!! It feels like it’s been forever omg😭😭 I will try my best to respond without it being so long lol

I think by now all the guys have posted about it and ngl that was brutal for so many reasons! I didn’t even know what Louis had to go through and now with this it’s so :( and it’s okay! I feel like we all have para-social tendencies especially if we’re fangirls or whatever. But it’s understandable since you basically grew up with them and they were your everything at one point! and for better or for worse knowing about his own grief and how he deals with it is expected.

We did talk about it! And it is cute that people took the time to check in! I think it took everyone by surprise so of course checking up on friends who were/are in love with them seemed like a nice thing to do! Oh I definitely don’t agree with the stamens that you’re forgettable!! I think for the people who take time to know you, like actually know you, to them you are more than just a girl who loved 1D!

Sadly no new hot TA updates 😔 though he did come with his shirt basically it buttoned again one day so YES THIS MF KNOWS WTF HES DOING!!! My first thought when I saw him that day was “whore” BUT I MEAN IT IN THE MOST LOVING WAY😭 And I know I’m not the only one who thinks he’s hot like I’m sure I overheard a convo while going into the room lol

I LOVE when you ramble!! Even if they don’t make sense, they make sense to me!!!! I think you did mention the series!! DID YOU GET THAT NEW BOOK?!? HOW IS IT?! Will it replace the current book bfs?! Or will he be a new one on his own??

How are YOU doing though? I think the last time we talked you mentioned being busy and just not feeling good. Are you able to take a bit of a break for yourself? Please do so if you can!!

I’ve missed you so much it’s crazy😭 met someone from Boston last weekend and their name was Sammy??! So my brain immediately thought about you and how lame it’s been not being able to chat 😭 it’s been so busy these past two weeks I can’t! I simply don’t have time :( School is crazy like midterm season is here and I can’t lol I haven’t even been able to read your newest story yet😭 definitely a priority when i hopefully have time!

Missed you so so much my love!! Hope the week is treating you well! ILY!!-💜

OMG you lapped me in messages 😭

This week absolutely curb stomped me. But it's over. It’s fine. I was really overwhelmed and had a couple REALLY long and not so great days. Very drained. Slept a lot Friday into Saturday so I’m hoping this means I’ll be on the mend. I didn’t get to take a break for myself. but I DID read the book even when I had a 100 other things to do. It was good, but I liked some of the others in the series more. It was a little lackluster for me. Still sweet and I enjoyed it but the others deserve more hype than this one.

I know EXACTLY what you mean calling your TA a whore hahahahahaha he sounds pretty slutty to me tbh 🤣

I'm doing okay about Liam for the most part but I see some sad tiktoks. One that really got to me was a pic of him on the first slide and then the second slide is a picture of 1d when they were babies in 2012ish and the song in the background is "you start to wish you could've been 16 forever, cause you know your favorite band ain't getting back together" which is just gutting really for obviously 100 reasons. It's just so sad and I guess it's good I had such a bad week and a million other things to do so I could distract myself from how sad it is and not listen to this sad fucking song 😭

I'm sorry you've also been so busy! I hope you're taking time for yourself. Don't worry about reading, ever. I know you like to but it's not like the stories are going anywhere 💕 I know you're going to do well on your midterms and I hope you're not too stressed 💕 Sammy from Boston! How funny! I assure you it wasn't me as I wasn't near the west coast last weekend hehehehe

I'm excited to read what you wrote about the story, I hope you're having a great weekend 💕

xoxo

[jadejedi]

Mid-Year Reading Roundup

I haven’t posted a review in a while because I am quite busy at the moment, but since we are more than halfway through the year, I wanted to do a quick highlight of my favorite reads of the year so far. (I’m planning on doing a bigger breakdown of everything I’ve read this year in December). I will link my full reviews where applicable. So, here are my top five favorite reads of the year so far, listed in the order I read them in:

Babel, by R.F. Kuang 5/5

I loved the main character so much, and I thought that Kuang ‘went there’ in a way that I was absolutely not expecting, even though I should have from the title. It is a tad slow in the middle, but everything else about it was so good that this is one I recommend to everyone. I don’t know that a book has ever made me cry so hard as this one did. 

Harrow the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir 5/5

This is the second book in The Locked Tomb Series, and let me tell you, this book is bananas crazy and it absolutely took me a second read to fully get it. On the first read, I actually had to take a break because I was just so confused, even though I had spoiled myself and read the wikipedia page. Then, once I got to the ending, I was so blown away I immediately had to go and reread the first one, and then this one. The amount of foreshadowing and references to things that you straight up can’t understand until you reread it is crazy. But the story is wonderful and it has such amazing reveals and twists. The characters from book one you’ll love or love to hate even more, and the new characters are just as good.  

Circe, Madeline Miller 5/5

I didn’t expect to love this one as much as I did, but oh my god what a beautiful 

book. I haven’t read Song of Achilles (yet), so I didn’t have any experience with 

Miller’s writing. I was so blown away by her writing style; most of the time it didn’t feel like I was reading at all, it just felt like the story was carrying me along. It’s just so beautifully introspective. Not much happens, but at the same time, so much happens. And the ending touched me in a way I did not expect. 

Happy Place, Emily Henry 5/5

I found out that this is many people’s least favorite Emily Henry novel, and I just have to say… WHAT????! This book absolutely blew me away. I guess if you’re not into the miscommunication trope, then sure this one might be hard to get through, but I love me some angsty miscommunication so this one was perfect for me. I also think that Henry does such a good job at making the friendships her protagonists have just as important to the plot and to the MC’s character development as the romantic interest, and that is especially true for this one. This one is just as much about friendship as it is about romance, IMO. And it’s also about like, identity and careers and the things we do to feel like we have value. Also, this one made me cry like three separate times towards the end. 

The Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson 5/5

Okay, ngl, I kinda went into this one hoping I’d hate it. Sanderson is just such a big name in fantasy I was kind of feeling snobbish and hoping I could turn my nose up at it. But no. No, despite the audiobook being over forty hours long, I flew through it and loved every second. I don’t think Sanderson is as good of a writer as someone like G.R.R. Martin, or N.K. Jemison, but he is a very compelling story teller. 

(Honorable mention to The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemison, another 5/5. I left it off the list because it just made me so so so sad lmao.)

[paintedkinzy-88]

Hi!

I just wanted to say hello and congratulate you on your new work! And I adored your comic sm!! >////< it could make me addicted !! djdjs

While reading the second chapter of Tipping the Scales, I couldn't help but feel a flash of nostalgia because dragons is something that I relate a lot to my childhood. I even ended up making a list hahaha.

I was wondering if you have a favorite dragon too ...

greetings > w <

Thank you very much ;-;

…Oh you have opened a can of wORMS MY DUDE. Excuse me as I use this opportunity to doodle dragos and rant about how much I fuckin love them ahhhhh—

First off, How To Train Your Dragon. Not only the movie, the damn books are what started my obsession back in elementary school. I could go on and on about by favorite dragon breeds from that, but that’s a long ass list and no one cares so I’ll stick with the main bbs. (〜￣▽￣)〜

He’s actually about the same size as her, but dammit do I love making him tiny fbjsfbns

Fuckin Pokemon omg so many dragos to pick from. But gotta admit, I agree. Charizard is so one of my favs.

SPIRITED AWAY, FUCKIN GOOD CHILD I LOVE HIM

Got into a series called Wings of Fire a while ago as well. Never finished it, not even close (I will one day it’s too good to just drop), but hmmmm Glory, Tsunami, and Starflight, my absolute babies. How I love thee ;-;

Someone actually pointed out that Ink’s design resembled the Rainwings from that series and I… did not mean to do that istg. Completely forgot they spat acid and changed colors. Idk if that was a coincidence or my love for Glory shining through, but I have no complaints. XD

I’m sure I got size comparisons wrong here but I don’t care—

Some honorable mentions:

Anne Stoke Dragons (I have so much of her work, and her art is such a huge inspiration to me. Has been for years and years)

Smaug (he was literally the only reason I watched those movies. Couldn’t tell you anything about the Hobbit or LOTR except that there was a dragon XD)

Game of Thrones bois (same as above ngl, except I never actually watched the show….)

Gringott’s Dragon (Harry Potter was other movie series I hardly paid attention to until there was dragons… starting to notice a trend here)

Peril (also from Wings of Fire, I just don’t know all that much about her yet—)

You got me so excited from a single ask. I legitimately dropped all my art plans tonight (er, yesterday, it’s far past midnight fbsjnd) cuz I’ve been overrun with nostalgia and a need to draw them fbjsnfjsn tHANK YOUUU AND GOOD NIGHT.

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[forthisone]

Shadow and Bone Trilogy Book Review

Long, rambling, sometimes-capslock thoughts on the Shadow and Bone trilogy, having just a couple of hours ago finished reading the trilogy of Shadow and Bone, Seige and Storm and Ruin and Rising.

MALYEN ORETSEV IS TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Fair warning: Major spoilers for the whole series and ending, entire focus on Mal/Alina 😅 I apologise for nothing.

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME I’VE EXPERIENCED A SHIP I REALLY LOVE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. Hooooooly shit. It feels good.

😭😭😭

Leigh Bardugo really served up everything I want to see! Give me all the tropes! All the angst! All the longing! AND with a happy ending?! *chef’s kiss*

I’m shook.

It feels amazing that for once in my life, something I ship has finally finished front and centre and I am absolutely here for it!

So let’s first clarify that I went in to the books just after finishing S1 of the Netflix show, already head over heels in love with Mal/Alina and rooting for them the whole way through. They are the reason I read the books. In the stories that I enjoy, I value love above all other aspects of the story; it’s just who I am.

The Pain of Siege and Storm

I admit, about 50% of this trilogy and the majority of Book 2 and early Book 3 was me in pain just wondering why they couldn’t be together and why they kept pushing each other away. Book 2 was an emotional rollercoaster ngl. I was frustrated that they spent so much time being miserable around eachother but were never allowed to be happy or give in to their feelings? They are best friends. Mal wants to support her. LET HIM SUPPORT HER. Let her confide in him and find comfort in him.

Endgame? Not Endgame?

This went on in a similar vein for some time and towards the end of Book 3, I was getting increasingly worried they weren’t endgame and this was indeed all leading up to Mal ultimately sacrificing himself... which obviously did happen...

But when Alina says “Bring him back to me.”, I just thought “THANK YOU. VINDICATION. THIS IS WHAT HAPPINESS FEELS LIKE.” and I knew we were home and dry and my god it felt good.

But I was so happy with the ending. It’s exactly what I wanted to happen, though I didn’t expect it... AND THEN IT HAPPENED. For them to go back to how they were and live the rest of their days in quiet happiness. Neither of them asked for this. They just belonged with eachother.

The last line of the book:

They had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things - if love can ever be called that.

HAPPY SIGH. YES.

More on this below.

People hate Mal?!?

I... don’t understand why so many fans apparently don’t like Mal. ?!?!????!? I had heard this before reading and went in to the books with trepidation. I was waiting for him to do something awful to justify the hate and... it just never happened. Is it just the way he behaves in Siege and Storm? Because I do accept he is slightly more problematic in the books than the show but Y’ALL KNOW HE WAS ONLY IN THAT PIT OF DESPAIR BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE WAS LOSING HER. She never really reassured him that much, if anything she confirmed his fears (from his pov anyway). And he was right to doubt her, because she was doubting her feelings too in secret, and he could feel it.

BUT. But he accepts it in Ruin and Rising. He grows into it. He accepts they can’t be together as they are. And he still stays, only to protect her, to keep her safe. He never asks for more than that. “You are my flag. You are my nation.” Roast me over a slow fire.

You will never, ever convince me not to root for the childhood best friend who loves her unconditionally and knows her better than anyone else and will die for her and will spend the rest of his days just being close to her, to protect her, even if that’s all he ever gets. This is the hill I will die on.

And then she comes back to him. 🤧🤧🤧

The Love Square

So, in terms of love interests for Alina:

Mal >>> Nikolai >>>>>>>>>>>>> Darkling

Wasn’t a fan of the love square here. I understand if she has feelings for different people, I respect everyone’s right to ship what they want, but I honestly had whiplash. One second she’s “in physical pain” missing Mal, next she is “drawn to” the Darkling, then wants to kiss Nikolai. I’m extremely monogamous and that’s probably why all this chopping and changing just felt really jarring to me.

I liked Nikolai as a character but I valued their friendship and I just wanted their relationship to remain platonic. I’m happy with how his storyline ended too. I hope he’s okay!

Mainly I did not understand why she was still drawn to the Darkling after all the loved ones he slaughtered in front of her. Fuck him, honestly (Ben Barnes I still love you though).

But this line near the end kind of summed it up for me, I guess:

Merzost. Darkness. You could hate it and hunger for it at the same time.

But I no longer care about any of this because my ship was endgame, baby! 😭😭😭

The Finale

I am glad Mal become more “important” in the end. That there was a magical bond between them. (I feel a little dumb I didn’t see it coming that he was an amplifier, because I did clock on to the jolts of light that happened when he grabbed her wrist and thought it was foreshadowing something).

I like even more that they agreed they would have found each other despite it.

“Maybe that brought us together, but it didn’t make us who we are. It didn’t make you the girl who could get me to laugh when I had nothing. It sure as hell didn’t make me the idiot that took that for granted. Whatever there is between us, we forged it. It belongs to us."

I was waiting for the scene in the conservatory the entire time and it was so perfect! Worth the wait! I can’t wait to see the aesthetics of it in the show. The flowers, the greenery... the lanterns. It was so pretty in my head!

I could pretend I wasn’t a saviour or a Saint, that I could simply choose him, have a life, be in love. That we wouldn’t have one night, we would have thousands.

It was a perfect ending for me really because I got both the angsty hero-sacrifices-himself-for-protagonist-and-greater-good scene AND the happy ending. I’ve honestly been spoilt 😂 My shipper heart has never been so satisfied.

The actual plot of the ending was a complete blur and I have no idea what happened other than Alina lost her power and the Darkling died and... some other people became light summoners? I think? I was so focused on whether Mal would live or not I couldn’t really process the rest! I will have to reread.

It’s a shame that Alina no longer has her power and that Mal lost some of his tracking skill in the end, but... I’ll take it for a happy ending where they spend the rest of their lives together as equals. It’s not like Mal stole her power from her. They both made sacrifices and in the end, they still won.

The shrieks of the volcra erupted around me as the Fold began to unravel. It was a miracle. And I didn’t care. The Saints could keep their miracles. The Grisha could keep their long lives and their lessons. Mal was dead.

I love that most of the book is all about her feeling the pull of her powers, feeling changed by it, drifting from Mal… but in the end, when it’s all done and over, she doesn’t care. She wants none of it. She chooses him. She wants him back. This is what I was waiting the whole series to read, honestly. Love conquers all, baby.

I just love that there were all these passages about their love not being possible because “they weren’t the same people any more” and the boy and girl from the orphanage were gone... and yet, it ends with the boy and the girl at the orphanage. Just like how it started. It's so obvious to me now that the whole story was about THE BOY AND THE GIRL. Every Before and After. It was right there all along.

THANK YOU, LEIGH BARDUGO.

My soul can now die happy.

I thought it was a really beautiful story.

Would happily reread. Will happily reread.

Im definitely going to continue with the other Grishaverse books too.

Can’t wait for more of the show because I’m honestly in love with the casting and this pairing and this series. Please, please, God, let it be renewed, and with the same cast, and covering the whole trilogy!

[janiedean]

meme!

Rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better!

tagged by: @rainhalydia thank you!

Favourite colour: cherry pink

Currently reading: not counting my master's books, flipping back and forth between leavitt's the lost language of cranes, anne rice's blood and gold because I've been convinced to give her a second chance and that one is admittedly a better fit than what I had read before and my second joe hill biography of the month

Last Song: oh god I think it was nanowar of steel's la mazurka del vecchio che guarda i cantieri? EXTREMELY SERIOUS OF ME (I have a feeling no one non-mediterranean can get it but... XD)

Last movie: movie movie movie god I'm so out of this world lately, I mean I did try to watch the 1973 joe hill movie but my download didn't have subs so I got the dvd but I still haven't seen it I think it was the empty man that I watched with @incblackbird if I’m not wrong 

Last series: eeeeeh.... I think castlevania bc I’m binging it lately? idk like either that or the latest loki episode but I’m halfway sure I watched it before castlevania not counting that I’m still going through the last two spn seasons

Sweet, Savoury or Spicy? sweet

Craving: ngl I could pay good money for granita which means I might get it for breakfast one of these days if the sicilian place somewhere nearby hasn’t closed for the fifteenth time

Tea or Coffee: I like both, I’ll take coffee if I have to choose but green tea is the drink of the gods

Currently working on: hahahaha a) prompts b) original novel that’s still like 75% done but we just don’t know c) editing a bunch of stuff I wrote during lockdown this year which is being... Difficult including 10k of stannis pov which I can’t seem to manage to edit without stopping at page three, d) still have to finish the damned second frankenstein witcher fic and that’s not counting the other original idea I got which is like.... let’s just say extremely research planning stages and the more I go on the more I’m sure I’m not the right person to write that story but I am also deeply aware no one else is gonna do it if no one has done it in the last twenty years sssoooooooo *shrug* also I should start deciding what I’m doing with my jb summer exchange fic buuut soon I guess

otherwise I’m working on not falling too behind with uni work but e e e e h

sssooo tagging @lordhellebore @incblackbird @moviestorian @randomingoftherandomness @buckybarnesss @nellethiel-aranel @widevibratobitch @haljathefangirlcat @seethemflying​

[tora-the-cat]

Surprise surprise I have Thoughts about Peacemaker     ^-^ (and how he neatly ties up the themes of freewill in WoF arcs 1 & 2)

//spoilers for like. all of the first 10 WoF books but esp the very end of Darkness of Dragons

god my feelings about the end of the second arc are Numerous and Complicated and basically revolve around the three obvious Things; Peacemaker, Qibli-Winter-Moon love triangle, & Anemone saying lesbian rights. Lets start off with that first thing tho:

-full disclosure I actually like Peacemaker ngl. Like its smart Kinkajou got her moment to shine (fucking FINALLY) etc etc.  But I also don't think it was, like, a morally good or fine thing to do? But! I also think that was kind of the point!! kinda?

-(also even more important disclosure, I honestly don't like Darkstalker much at all, though if it wins me any favors I do think he's interesting and complex and all!)

-Ok listen so the series is like,, basically about freewill, right? It's kinda the central thesis of the series (or at least the first two arcs lmao that's all I've read lmao); is destiny something made for your or something you choose. Ya know, is Tsunami destined to be queen because she's the lost heir, are Animus's destined to loose their souls, if Peril is 'choosing' who she's devoted to is that freewill and/or how do you develop independence when you've never made a choice before, can Turtle avoid all the bullshit of the world by trying to keep his head down (no <3) was Moon destined to release Darkstalker all along, if you've been under mind warping mind control shenanigans' is your mind really your own and are you capable of making choices, etc etc I can do this with like most characters its REALLY prevalent in the series lmao.

-Anyway! the question posed by the series is 'can you choose your destiny or is it made for you?'. in the first five books there's one obvious massive driving force for this; the prophecy. Sunny is the only one really invested in the prophecy itself, Tsunami thinks it's all bull and is basically offended by the notion, Clay thinks they should just do their best, Starflight believes the prophecy will happen regardless so he's chill, and Glory is disillusioned and apathetic about it.

-Then they reveal that the prophecy is hogwash, and Sunny still believes in it anyway because it's what her whole life was based around and without it her life is meaningless. So her whole arc is finding another meaning in life with Thorn and the Outclaws and then choosing to do her best to fulfill the prophecy anyway, because someone has to and no one else will. So she chooses to do the prophecy, but it's a fake prophecy so it is her choice not something predestined for her, so there. Free will exists and is good and prophecies don't because no one can tell the future end arc

-then you start the next book with a protagonist that can tell prophecies For Real, and you get a little scared they're gonna backpedal or retread the same ground, but don't worry because the definitely-not-evil voice in her head and conveniently knows all about her powers so he can assure everyone that prophecies are not set in stone, just some most likely futures. Free will still exists Tsunami stans, dw

-And they can do that because the prophecy is not the question of the second series- Darkstalker is.

-The thing about the Darkstalker conflict is that it's about Utilitarianism, ya know? Like, he comes out and he says 'I can see all the futures, and I can tell for sure exactly which outcomes make the most dragons happy, and I have the power to not only see them but manifest them'. He doesn't care for other dragon's freewill- as long as they're happy or content or powerful, why would it matter if they got helped along there a little bit?

-OKAY so took us a hot second to get here! But! Peacemaker!

-It's valid and interesting I think because it kinda pushes the whole conflict into a paradox; they can't let Darkstalker carry on like he is, because he thinks he knows best for all of dragonkind and will do anything to get his version of a happy ending. But the only way to stop him from being a god emperor who's fundamental flaw is his lack of care about other dragon's free will and agency. And the only way to stop him and get an ending that's good for everyone is to take away his free will.

-It's the Batman no killing rule. it's that one DLC from Fallout 3 that's actually kind of good. If they're all in 100% on the 'free will matters above all else' angle, they can't stop Darkstalker because he doesn't want to be stopped. It'd be a utilitarian move, putting the needs of the many over the needs of the few, which goes against the Whole Entire Thing

-But! Darkstalker is also delusional and a narcist and an aspiring all powerful god emperor bent on wiping out or driving other tribes into hiding forever who just sucks, like, so much. So of course they turn him into a literal child without power lmao it wasn't really a question, it's just the ideological battle happening in the background. And it's what makes peacemaker so interesting!

-first of all, it's Kinkajou, the one who was most recently under a mind altering spell that she loathed. She hated anemone for even thinking about it and is still a little bitter, but when push came to shove, she's the one that did that to Darkstalker. It wasn't even just a 'make him the same dragon fundamentally but without the trauma and magic'- she changed his body (by turning him half Nightwing) and planted interests in his head (strawberries) and (is at least implied?) to have made him literally incapable of much evil. Like Moon confirms that in his head he isn't the same dragon at all.

-And like I get it! She is, very understandably, erring as far on the side of caution as physically possible! I'd do the same! It's not a diss or anything, and I’m certainly not saying that Kinkajou is just as bad as Darkstalker or will/can go on to be so! Not even a little lmao

-it's just. Interesting. Like, if you think about it, they did the same thing Darkstalker was doing to Fierceteeth for Clearsight, after everyone was loudly and visibly repulsed by it. It's the same thing that happened with Pyrite and Hailstorm, except entirely irreversible. Like that isn’t Darkstalker there anyway you slice it, for all intents and purposes he’s dead. but it's ok because he was a 'bad dragon' with no friends or family that would miss him in that form.

-Basically the first arc said 'free will is always the way to go and there's no justification for taking it away ever' and the second arc spent all of it's time building up to 'sometimes sacrifices have to be made'. So like everyone complains about it being tonally dissonant and out of character and a crop out and everything and I get that and I'm not saying that's objectively wrong or a bad take or anything! And, like most things in DoD, it was admittedly rushed and at least mildly underdeveloped lmao. But that's my first hot take, and hopefully my longest lmao

[pertinax--loculos]

Update

Gonna try a new thing. I've seen these weekly updates from other writeblrs and it appeals to me because I can blather about writing or lack of writing (if it's been one of Those weeks), I can also include anything else I want, and it's a manageable goal to have for a start.

Tentatively breaking it up into writing, reading OR watching, real life (if applicable), and possibly excerpt (again, if applicable).

So! (Warning: This is long. I seriously babble like nothing else.)

Currently Writing Absent That Night (tagged: WIP: ATN)

wordcount: no clue, it's all on my phone and I've been writing scenes I'd previously written snippets for, so it's a mash-up. (Which reminds me I need to back it all up at least onto my computer.)

Proud of the short summary I did for my pinned post, so repeating it here:

Agent Latrell has been chasing the thief known as Nox for more than three years; but when bodies start turning up at his crime scenes, he’s the only one who believes Nox isn’t responsible. Unfortunately, he’s also the only other suspect. In order to clear his name, he’s going to have to find the real killer; and the only way to do that is to team up with a criminal who, it turns out, he knows absolutely nothing about.

still love love LOVING this WIP. I've got pages and pages of notes, and it is probably getting a wee bit too complex with subplots and suspects etc, but I'm an overwriter anyway so if I end up with a 200k word draft then shrug. More to work with

dunno if I mentioned or just thought it was obvious because I know it so well, but it has an enemies/rivals-to-allies(lovers?) (sub?)plot. So I've been pulling out a lot of threads there

technically I'm up to about halfway between the catalyst and break into two. Definitely not hardcore plotting but I do have an idea of the beats I wanna follow in the back of my head

Nox is still a fucking mess. I should probably stop piling trauma onto him, poor guy

my favourite creation this week is Mark Gault, who is a secondary/minor character who is amazing in every way. He is both essentially a ruthless mercenary and the "I LOVE MY WIFE" guy. (I also keep calling him Grant, instead of Mark, because he's actually the father of a character who first appears in Phase Two of CASCADE. (!!!))

basically happy with how it's all going this week. Regular writing is getting the juices flowing and it's easier to come up with ideas even when I've only got a vague notion of what is supposed to happen in the scene.

guys i am such an overwriter this is ridiculous please send help this scene was supposed to be like 2.5k total and it's turned into 4-5 scenes and is like 10k long dear god--

Currently Reading Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater, book three of the Raven Cycle

I have not just jumped in at book three of a series, I have read the previous two.

in the last week.

I've read eleven books in the last five weeks, so that's... something.

they have all been thrillers except for this series. (And also Girl One, which despite being marketed as a thriller was definitively NOT a thriller. Which, yes, I should've guessed from the tag line, but I'm still mad about it.)

I am in love with the prose. It feels similar to mine, but Better, and I have been unconsciously mimicking it.

(which may be a problem when I finish it and am still writing ATN, but that is an issue for Future Pockets)

ngl I was not a fan of the way the first book ended. Not only did I have to reread the final line multiple times in order to even begin to grasp it, but I kinda think it's a dick move to end on a cliffhanger, even for an established author and clear indications this was gonna be a series

(but you bought the next book, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU??)

very very much enjoying the series, to be concise (ha!). Love the characters and it's all pretty tightly paced. The overarching series arc kiiinda maybe feels a bit slow/irrelevant, and some of the motivations annoy me, but I keep reminding myself it's YA in which the motivations are in character, so

not far into this one yet but so far so good

I wrote this earlier this week and since have begun thinking the series arc is becoming more relevant, but am reserving judgement. Reading slower with work and reading but still enjoying it all

Real Life

continues to be mostly a pain in the ass. Apps in for a second job, research on next year ongoing

update: may have the dream second job, basically waiting for confirmation (fingers crossed!)

one of my housemates is the literal devil, although even that is being quite kind to her. The nice one is moving out because of it. People keep asking how I've lived in this house for three years. I have no answer.

enjoying writing time in evenings and feeling mentally pretty good thanks to exercise

Excerpt Long, nearly 900 words, but a favourite of recent pieces and also something I coincidentally wrote today. Nox and Latrell's third meeting, when Latrell is still, uh... resistant to the idea of working with him:

"Why me?" Not at all the way Latrell had intended to phrase it, but he couldn't take it back. He continued, quickly, instead, jumbled thoughts pouring out of his mouth. "Surely that's the least you can give me. You come to me and ask me to fucking help you after you've made the last three months of my life living hell, you can at least fucking tell me why the fuck that is. You owe me that much. I'm not letting you fucking walk away until you fucking answer me that."

Nox was silent for a long moment. He ran a calculating gaze up and down Latrell, as if searching for something; it wasn't apparent whether or not he'd found it when he said, softly, "And if I don't?"

Latrell was abruptly very aware of the weight of the handcuffs in his back pocket. He would have to move quickly. There was every possibility Nox would see this coming, especially if he'd been arrested before. But Latrell was quietly confident. He inched his hand back, keeping it subtle, eyes on Nox's face.

"In that case," he said, as evenly as he could. His fingertips brushed warm metal. "Perhaps we should try something--"

Everything went white.

For a moment Latrell thought he'd somehow lost consciousness; that he'd underestimated Nox's affinity for violence, that the man had punched him or otherwise managed to incapacitate him without otherwise moving. Then it occurred to him that he was still thinking, which essentially took unconsciousness off the table, and he realised, vaguely, that it was an illusion.

It was very, very convincing.

The entire world was an endless expanse of emptiness. Utterly, absolutely white, a whiteness that could not and should not exist. Latrell was overcome by a sensation of falling, of plummeting into nothingness; he had to concentrate to feel his feet still on the ground, to know he was still upright. He had nothing to orient himself. There was no up, no down, no left or right. Just that endless expanse of a lack of colour. He was hanging in nothingness, or everything.

"You forget who you are dealing with, Agent."

Latrell swallowed down nausea. Nox's voice came from startlingly close, the sound of it somehow wrong, which objectively he knew came from the fact that his brain was convinced it should sound small and insubstantial in this endless void but it sounded normal because he was actually still standing in the alley. It was academic knowledge only. He still felt like he was tipping or falling or rising, weightless and disoriented. He had no voice, no ability to open his mouth.

Experimentally he tried to take a step. He couldn't lift his foot off the ground. Physically, he was sure he could -- he could still twitch his fingers, if he thought about it -- but his mind was convinced that there was nothing to step away from, nothing to step onto. Just nothing, nothing, nothing. A brightness that wasn't a light, a void constructed of the pieces between atoms.

Nox's voice came from his other side this time. "I have attempted to do this civilly, but there are other options."

It was a struggle to concentrate on his words, close as they were. Latrell tried to narrow his focus to only sound, tried to ignore the nothingness he was suspended in, tried to tell himself it was all an illusion. Just something Nox wanted him to see. The Orn, threaded through his eyes or brain or soul, acting upon Nox's orders.

It didn't help. He was still in freefall.

"Do not," Nox's voice came, a bare whisper in his ear, breath brushing Latrell's neck, "Presume to test me."

Abruptly the white disappeared. Latrell was back in the alley, trying to adjust to the change of light, trying to find where Nox had gone. Turning his head made the ground roil beneath him and he staggered, utterly disoriented.

Fingers closed around his forearm, steadying him, and Latrell looked up to find Nox inches away.

"Easy, Agent," he purred. His smile was more a baring of his teeth.

Latrell wrenched away from him, staggering until his back connected with a comfortingly solid wall. He was dizzy, brain still adjusting to reality, but he managed to straighten his spine and set his shoulders. He kept his hands in front of him. In Nox's view.

"Do we have an understanding?" Nox said, still silky and low.

"Screw you," Latrell said, voice faint and alien.

Nox's smirk sharpened. "I thought so. Lovely chat, Agent Latrell." He sauntered past where Latrell stayed pressed against the wall, hesitated at the corner of the alley. "Keep up the good work."

He stepped forward and disappeared from view.

Latrell's breath left him in a rush and he doubled over, bracing himself on his knees. His head still spun, the unpleasant sensation he'd come to expect from vertigo. The backs of his eyelids were painted with a stark blank white. Every time he blinked he was engulfed.

It was far beyond any illusion he'd ever experienced. It was approaching the type he'd only ever read about in scientific articles.

You forget who you are dealing with, Agent.

Perhaps he had. But this assault supplied more than a reminder.

It also provided a piece of the puzzle.

[mina-scribbles]

Confessions

Hinata Shoyo x F! Reader (SMUT!!! some fluff, maybe)

Word Count: 2,166

Synopsis: You and Shoyo have always liked each other but never got around to tell each other that, until the one day he finds out that you’re starting to get serious with someone.

Warning: There is a bit of infidelity in this context. Read at your own discretion. 

a/n: honestly of all the smut pieces I could write, I did not expect it to be about HInata the sweet little bean. But I guess this is for everyone who loves our sweet, tangerine boi. And ngl, Hinata gets hotter throughout the series so might as well. lmao

I wrapped my arms tightly around Shoyo, and he responded instantly, returning the embrace with stronger force. I held him as his shoulders shook. His sobs were faint, but I heard them.

My chest clenched at the sound like it recoiled from a punch. Words had no power right now. There wasn’t anything I could say either, none that would make him smile at me like he used to. I shouldn’t have been the one holding him right now. Anyone else but me, I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t say no, not when it was probably the last time we’d ever be this close to each other. For a while anyway.

But Shoyo had insisted, saying that I needed to come over, that he had something to tell me. How could I say no to my best friend?

So I came, and as soon as he opened the door, he collapsed against me and broke into a sob.

Whatever he wanted to tell me was going to wait, but I already knew what he wanted to say, and I think he already knew that it wouldn’t change a thing.

When he finally pulled back, my shoulder was wet. I didn’t mind. Shoyo wiped his face with the back of his arm. When he lowered it, his eyes surprisingly weren’t red, just moist at the edges, his lashes still glistening with fresh tears.

“Um, I’m sorry, (Name),” he said with a sniffle. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

I shook my head. “It’s alright, Shoyo.” I didn’t dare ask if he was feeling any better as he led me to the couch in the center of the room.

Shoyo’s apartment was unsurprisingly untidy, but not very much. Unwashed dished piled at the sink. Various papers, books, notebooks, a pen and a pencil were scattered on the lone table right next to the couch. On either side of it were two chairs with one occupied by his open school bag in which the contents - some papers, a cellphone cable and a shirt - rested haphazardly.

I sat wordlessly on the couch with Hinata following beside me. I decided to let him take the lead on this one. I wasn’t going to be that person who pretended to know nothing, even when that’s how I wished I was - ignorant. Then again, what would that have done?

It would be easier for you, I answered myself. Easier for me while Shoyo suffered quietly.

“(Name), I wanted to tell you something,” Hinata finally said after a while, lifting his eyes from the floor to meet mine earnestly. “You probably won’t like it, but I felt like I had to tell you while it’s there. I mean, I don’t think it’ll ever go away, but I just wanted you to know.”

I only managed a nod, not trusting my mouth to open without him hearing my voice crack.

Shoyo took a breath, his fingers bunching around the fabric of his white sweats. He had on a pink hoodie. He looked so pretty and bright like a flower you’d pick from a meadow.

The only thing missing from his outfit was my favorite smile of his, but as he gazed at me now, with those wide brown eyes that instead of laughter, now shined with unshed tears.

“I like you (Name),” Shoyo said, meeting my eyes full on. “I always have, from the moment I saw you three years ago in our first year of high school when you became the team’s assistant manager. I’ve always wanted to tell you, but I never had the courage to until now. Now that…”

Now that I’m losing you, was what he wanted to say. I could tell from the way he bit his lip as his eyes glistened even brighter.

My breath hitched in my throat. My heart thrummed an uneven beat. Half of me sighed with relief, even let out a smile that pulled up one corner of my mouth. A small victory, I thought. At least I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I was. And if he was going to come clean, maybe I should, too.

“I like you, too Shoyo,” I replied and he gasped. I imagined his heart did the same thing mine did a second ago. “From the first moment you saved me from a ball hurtling towards my face.”

I smiled fondly at the memory. Shoyo remained frozen in his seat. “Guess we should’ve told each other sooner, huh?” I said, keeping my voice light but my chest became heavy.

That was the other half of me that sagged, the half that knew the inevitable, that it was too late, the half that had to stab the truth into each other because that was how it truly felt. “You won’t lose me, Shoyo. I’ll always be your friend.” It wasn’t a lie, but my tongue tasted bitter.

I didn’t like how it sounded, and neither did he. Shoyo nodded his head weakly. “Me too, (Name). I promise. I guess…I just hope he…he treats you properly.”

I nodded. “Me, too. But honestly it’s--we’re still starting off. Trying to find our footing around each other. That kinda thing.”

“So does that mean he doesn’t know that you like to watch cartoons when you’re sad or stressed?”

I shook my head.

“Or that you say you hate being given flowers because they just eventually die, but still love it when someone does give you them?”

I shook my head again, my lips slowly spreading into a smile.

“How about that you love classic literature but always end up putting them on hold because you read fan fiction more?”

“No,” I said, giggling. “I haven’t shared those things yet. And he doesn’t seem to be fond of reading so I didn’t try telling him that part.”

Shoyo was quiet, considering his words. “So you don’t trust him?”

I frowned. “I do, but not so much yet, no. We are still getting to know each other.”

“I--intimately?” Shoyo’s cheeks were red as he asked and I laughed heartily.

I shook my head. “No, Shoyo, not yet. I can’t give myself to someone I don’t trust that much yet.”

“Yet,” Shoyo repeated and we both went quiet for a bit, absorbed in our own thoughts. Then after a time, Shoyo turned his eyes back to me. There was a hard edge to them, a newly found determination.

“(Name), can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“But if you don’t want to do it, it’s okay. I just have to ask.”

“I have to do something?”

Shoyo nodded. He closed his eyes, breathed, and opened them again. “Would you kiss me?”

I froze in my seat, completely taken aback by the suggestion. My mind raced with images of me and Shoyo pressed up against each other. His lips slick, plump and soft as they moved with mine.

I’ve always wondered, but I never thought he would ever ask. And the only sure answer to this was no. I couldn’t kiss someone who wasn’t the one I promised I’d be in a relationship with.

Irritation boiled inside me then. Why couldn’t we have just told each other how we felt years ago? Would’ve saved us the trouble. The injustice. It wasn’t fair in any way. We liked each other, we always have. Right now we both wanted to be together but timing was a bitch.

No. I wpn’t have. It.

“Kiss me, Shoyo.” My voice was barely a breath, but he heard it clear as day in the silence of the room. Shoyo surged forward, cradling my face with gentle hands and captured my lips in a hungry kiss..

I gasped against him. They were as soft as I’d imagined. And warmer. More real. Tangible. My hands moved on their own reaching around his shoulders and behind his neck where my fingers played with the ends of his hair. An arm wrapped firmly against my waist, and Shoyo deftly lifted me up so I was seated on his lap.

“Shoyo,” I breathed when he broke the kiss to trail kisses down my exposed neck. His hands explored every inch of me - my waist, my breasts, my thighs, my ass. Underneath my crotch, Shoyo’s cock hardened and my body ground on it instinctively.

A groan escaped his lips and soon enough, I felt my bra unclasp around my chest and breasts spilled out freely against my tank top.

My nipples were taut against the thin fabric and Shoyo caught one of the buds in his mouth, sucking on it greedily. He pinched the other one, twisting and pressing it against his fingers.

My hips ground faster and harder. “Shoyo, please,” I whispered.

My voice didn’t sound like my own. It sounded like that of a starved woman who only got to taste what she truly wanted right now after years and years of waiting.

As Shoyo pulled the tank top off of me, caressing my breasts with his hands, cupping them, squeezing them and taking both of them in his mouth, I knew that’s what I was.

I was hungry. Had been so hungry for Shoyo for years and years that the feeling had become like an animal, growing a mind of its own that refused to listen to anything rational. My mind continued to yell that I stop, that all he’d asked for was a kiss, but the force in me continued, driving me to my knees till I was facing Shoyo’s crotch.

His cock poked hard and tall against his pants and without hesitation, I yanked it off along with his boxers. With both hands, I took the hardened length into my mouth and the moan that left Shoyo made my sex clench deliciously.

He bunched his hand in my hair as I bobbed my head up and down, licking him and sucking his whole shaft from the soft tip and down to where bis cock met his balls. My mouth was a salivating mess and around the small apartment, all that could be heard were the whirring of the air conditioner and Shoyo’s heavy pants and moans as I slurped his cock greedily.

Hinata’s fingers tightened around my hair when I quickened my pace, his moans growing more urgent, his hips bucking forward. “(N--Name), I don’t want to finish so early.”

With a loud pop, I released him from my mouth, wiped the drool off my face and crawled up to kiss him. In one smooth move, Shoyo had me pinned underneath him, not releasing me from the kiss. His tugged my panties off of me with deft fingers and once it was off, he ran two long digits against my wet cunt, spreading the lips to play with the swollen clit. I arched against him, releasing an erotic cry and Shoyo captured a tit in his mouth while rubbing slow, hard circles against the sensitive nub.

My hands tangled in his hair, tugging at it so he would bring his lips back to mine.

“Shoyo, please fuck me,” I begged, reaching down with a hand to stroke his cock and led it to the entrance of my throbbing sex.

He slid easiliy and painlessly inside me, making us both moan at the contact. Stars exploded behind my eyelids. Shoyo didn’t wait for me to adjust to his girth or his length and began to thrust. He pulled his cock in and out of me, long hard strokes that rocked me and made me cry out in pleasure with every hard thrust.

Shoyo sat up, still continuing to thrust and grabbed my hips, adjusting it better. When he found the perfect angle, his cock reached deeper into me and he pounded harder.

I lay there a moaning, panting mess. When my eyes were opened, I saw his face, painted in the most beautiful portrait at the height of erotica - his head thrown back in pleasure and mouth releasing boyish pants. And when my eyes were closed, I saw stars flashing against a red background with a wave gradually rising higher and higher beneath it.

Shoyo thrust harder, faster, his fingers digging deeper into my hips. The waves rushed higher, higher till finally, it crashed down back to the water in a huge torrent of blue and white. A loud cry tore itself from my throat as my orgasm took me. My walls clenched Shoyo’s cock and he too reached his climax, falling into me. Our hips continued to buck against each other till they slowed and stopped and all there was were our loud breaths.

Shoyo propped himself up with an elbow and met my eyes. His were bright, alive and wide awake. He kissed me once more, this time slower and more lingering.

When he pulled away, there was a smile on both our lips, and an understanding in our eyes. This was it. This was right. And it was time we started telling ourselves the truth.

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

[theoriquewitherseld]

not sure if you've answered this before, but how/when did you get into asoue or atwq? is there anything that really drew you into the two series? personally i fell in love with the writing style first and /then/ the characters and worldbuilding :'))

Okay.

cw: abuse mention, depression mention, anxiety mention

This is gonna sound bonkers, but it's true.

My parents loved Jim Carrey.

Dude's funny. Thought he was clownish amd exaggerated but whatever. My oldest sister remembered watching an old yet really good movie with him but it was odd and tragic but really good. She said that it seems like I'd like it because I was eccentric myself.

So we bought a bootleg cd and watched the 2004 film. I was 11 at that time, who has undiagnosed ADHD.

Well no shit I LOVED it and got obsessed with it so I researched more about it.

Received around +6000 points in psychological damages spoiling myself, so at that point began my obsessive hunt of completing asoue.

It was an impossible hunt. It's 13 books, all hardbound. If it's from an actual bookstore, it's expensive as hell. If it's from a book thrift store, still expensive as hell but within my range. Local libraries are virtually nonexistent. And they are really, really hard to find and get.

The first book I got was Book 3, and yep. I loved it.

However, with every book purchase, all of it not done in the order it was released, I recall gradually being depressed. I dunno if it's because I'm 11 and an idiot or it's due to the increasingly abusive situation I was in buuut it's likely a mix of both. Snicket's cynicism at that time... Despite being true and important, isn't exactly what I needed to read at that time.

I never really got to complete the series, although I received a lot of help from fellow fans trying to get me some copies (one was a stranger, but that's another heartwarming story entirely, God. And the other was actually @sandfordsmostwanted ). But I know how it went, more or less. I just never got the experience of reading it properly nor getting genuinely invested in it. Frankly speaking, it just wasn't for me. Hell it didn't even occur to me it was supposed to be a dark comedy.

NOW... On ATWQ... Well, despite the depression. I'm still obsessed with Lemony Snicket. And it was the Holidays, me and my family loves books, and we are out during an outing during the rare moments we have spare money. Now, dad has offered to buy me a couple of books, and ngl... I had saw a Lemony Snicket book and it was purple. I fucking love purple and Lemony Snicket so I grabbed it. The other book I grabbed randomly was the House of Secrets, because a.) I'm an idiot, b.) I was a pjo and hoo stan a few years earlier, and hey, it's a thick book, it's probably great, right?

WRONG. I hated that fucking series. Never have I read such a shitty fucking book and it was expensive as HELL. And I bought fucking TWO OF THEM before realizing my mistake. Christ. Do not waste your goddamn time, money, and effort to even bother giving a crap about the House of Secrets. If you saw one, run the other way. Or destroy it.

Now, I also didn't read ATWQ in order, hell, I didn't even read its second book in order because I'm a very foolish reader and guess. Guess what happened. I ended up with so many questions that's what. But the story was so good and the characters so well done, and there's so many about it that's clever and witty. It's also the most brutalized of my books becausd of how often I obsessively read it when I was younger. If anything, I liked the writing style and characters immensely better than asoue ever did for me. So, I ended up with another hunt for ATWQ books.

I think I bought 13 suspicious indcidents next, and then book 3, then book 1, and then book 4. It was not bloody easy finding the books, and they're all. Still. Expensive. As. Hell.

However I realized that as I read the books, I became an unbearably cynical, insufferable know-it-all. Just a huge asshole in general who doesn't give two dimes about changing their attitude (because that's how a 12 year old interprets 12 year old Snicket and models after him. Very stupid of me I know). But I was still Depressed, except it's Depressed 2x. And the ending was... Whew. Well, let's just say as a 12 year old abused and lonely neurodivergent kid with no friends happily consuming content of a group with close friendship and reading that ending was.... A special trauma in itself. I was extremely devastated.

12 year old me may be stupid, but not too stupid to recognize that reading the series is no longer healthy for me, be it psychologically or emotionally, so I stopped. It's also the reason why I ceased activity in this blog during 2015 (yeah I was actually there during the ATWQ heydays). It also gave me anxiety. God, the entire sellpoint of Lemony Snicket is being a bunch of store-bought Anxiety and Depression huh. (But I got out eventually thank goodness)

It wasn't until? Recently I reread the series, fallen in love with it again, now understanding it better as someone with improved critical thinking skills and has matured in kind. It's a damn good series, and hits absolutely different, now one can understand it.

It still hurts reading it tho. And I've got an entirely new set of opinions regarding several characters, now that I've reread it (Ellington, particularly. She's not exactly my fave character, but my understanding of her since I genuinely understand her situation has gained quite the upheaval once I've reread the series. Back then I sorta both loathed/pity her. Now I just pity and worry about her a lot, and want to punch Snicket in the throat. Damn.)

Either way, sorry for the super long rant. I'm so embarrassed. But that's the general gist of lore of the Pencil behind this blog :D nowadays I just make ATWQ art and daydream abt my AU

[tuiyla]

So i'm expecting A LOT of changes to atla for the live adaptation. In a perfect world there wouldn't be any changes ,but what are some adjustments or additions to the series that you wouldn't mind seeing? Like something you would like to see more of or less of. ?For me I would love to see more of Tophs and Zuko's friendship. Also would love to see a scene with Katara talking w sokka or someone admitting that she blood b for the second time. Maybe in this scene is where she finally decides that she never wants to to blood bend again maybe a little bit of foreshadowing because she eventually makes it illegal later on

So hey Anon. I know it’s been two months and I’m really sorry I just straight up forgot about this but I’m really hoping you’re somehow reading this.

I’m gonna be honest and say part of the reason I forgot about this is that the Netflix live-action series kind of just left my mind. I’ve been growing distant from it ever since Bryke left the project but then Avatar Studios was announced so I was like “Netflix who?” But like, I’m still hoping the live-action will be at least decent.

I actually think that even in a perfect world there’d be changes, if for no other reason than the medium change. Also, as much I believe ATLA is the pinnacle of television there for sure are changes that would improve it, especially in season 1. I’ve been wondering about what episodes they’d do since the Netflix show was announced since I think it’s fair to say they won’t do 20 episode seasons. I expect episodes to be longer than 25 minutes but the adventure of the week nature of book 1 means they’d still leave some stuff out. Given that there isn’t a single episode of ATLA that doesn’t get referenced in some way or another later on it’s a tough call but I think we can all live without “Great Divide” lol.

A general rule of thumb with adaptations, imho, is that characters come first. There was that (probably baseless) rumour about making Katara the elder sibling. That’d be a great example of not understanding the source material and the characters so I do hope that doesn’t happen. The thing about every single change is that, especially with a story that as carefully constructed as ATLA, it can change everything. It’s a ripple effect. For example, change Jet in a substantial way and it would change Sokka, Zuko and Katara - that’s three out of the five mains! So while I’d welcome some changes, pretty much ones like what you listed, I’m wary of them.

Seeing more interactions between characters is always good but there has to be a point. I love me some quality time between Zuko and Toph but, contrary to popular belief, they didn’t need a life-changing adventure. If any additional scenes between them serve the characters, such as highlighting thematic parallels then yeah that’d be good. Glob knows I adore the water sibs and the one thing I’d probably elaborate on is bloodbending but again, this is very tricky. Bloodbending is one of the most cohesive and thematically consistent aspects of the whole franchise and there’s a part of me that thinks any more scenes would dilute that.

That said I always did feel like Katara’s moment of darkness should have been reflected upon more. Part of the reason she’s so misunderstood in the fandom, imo, is that her arc is a lot more subtle than e.g. Zuko’s and some acknowledgement of “The Puppetmaster” and her bloodbending in “The Southern Raiders” could have changed that. I’d probably have her reflection at the end of the episode be primarily with Sokka and include an honest conversation about trauma and how they dealt with it differently. It doesn’t have to be too on the nose as that would go against their dynamic but Sokka deserved a bigger part in that story. Ngl I kinda dislike that the end of “The Southern Raiders” is used to introduce Aang’s moral dilemma. This is my favourite episode ever but the very beginning and very end feel somewhat disjointed from the rest. Understandable since it’s so close to the finale and the last “serious” ep before Sozin’s Comet but I think the adaptation could introduce that dilemma earlier and allow TSR to be entirely about Katara (and also more about Sokka). Katara can still have that moment of forgiveness with Zuko and it’s still a life-changing field trip between them but, yeah.

Going back to bloodbending, I do think that even just one impactful line about it would be a good addition to the story. You know, like when Toph says “he’s lying” in “Lake Laogai?” Yeah like that. Just a small gut punchy moment. Because Katara’s reflection on bloodbending, as is now, is more implied than anything so I think that final decision on her part to reject it would be good, and you’re right, foreshadowing her outlawing the practice.

Surprise surprise I got carried away with bloodbending, again, but yeah there are a few small things I’d change but it’s always tricky. As it stands now, I honestly don’t trust Netflix to make the good kind of changes. Transforming book 1 into something more cohesive could be interesting but that adventure of the week format is part of its charm and makes sense for the story of that season. I fear that they’ll make the same mistake as the godawful movie did in that Zuko’s arc will be much more on the nose. I fear a lot of things about it, actually. And maybe I’ll talk more about this as we get closer to actually getting any news from this project or as I inevitably do my annual Avatar rewatch. For now, I’ll say that there are things that could be changed but I don’t trust the production to make the right choices so I’m very happy Avatar Studios will most likely overshadow whatever Netflix does. And I hope Avatar Studios dares to come up with new content! But that’s another discussion.

[fuzziemutt]

Headcanon Background

These are my headcanons following the world of “Do You Understand?”

This is just extra world building and character stuff that I didn’t want bogging down the main story or have established in there for future reference. Some of these headcanons are inspired by fics I’ve read btw. I might add onto this in the future.

WARNING: Minor Spoilers ahead - I do suggest reading this after the story is complete.

-this mostly covers Connor, Nines and Hank because they’re the ones I most often deal with. If anyone asks for the others or I think of some for them I might add em.

MasterList

World:

This is Post Pacifist route and everyone lives (best ending)

The actual events of the game take much longer, the revolution doesn’t end until towards the end of December to January.

Some events of the game went a bit differently since the time is stretched and because mister Cage is dumb. Like Markus can’t do the weird look deviation thing for funsies. And Alice is human (even if not shown). And there were more revolutionary events that aren’t discussed but happened.

Androids are also much more open about their inhumaness, they often act more human like around humans. However, while alone, androids tend to talk via their internal networks most often (some choose to outwardly speak only too, it’s just preference) and refer to themselves in less human manners.

Okay ngl I’m not gonna get into how to fix this mess of a world Cage made, I’m going to idealize some things in this fic (like I made a landlord nice and not much ACAB- or really any cop stuff), this is merely for fic purposes. I ain’t gonna play moral battlefield with Cage’s dumbass for what started as a vent fic. Just know I don’t agree with a lot of the decisions Cage made for this game’s plot.

Connor RK800:

The RK800 model was made with less articulations in his face so as to cut corners given he was meant to just be a trial. -He needs to consciously run facial expression programs and they can be quite awkward.

Same vein, Connor’s constant calibration, while also a stim, lack of tear ducts, and blinking glitch are also due to Cyberlife cutting corners

Connor Has ADHD because I do so he does too

He also stims by pacing or running, but he tends to do this in absolute private.

He likes to change his hair color quite often to differentiate himself from Nines (He would change his eye color if he could), he does have Bryan’s curly hair but he still consistently styles it to the game style.

His wardrobe style consists of button ups (black, white and floral), turtlenecks, a dark grey blazer, knee length black coat, black jeans, and dress shoes (often Cyberlife ones since they’re just slip ons essentially)

He has killed/hunted way more deviants (and humans) than in game Connor. When he isn’t with Hank, Cyberlife ordered him to simply hunt down and dispose of any deviants he could find. (they wanted results they just played nice with the law for show)

While he wasn't cruel and let all deviants he met with Hank go (except Rupert), any deviants he found while "off duty" did not receive the same mercies (some would even be found mangled beyond recognition). Hank really amplified the humanity in him but only when present. It was also easier to ignore orders when he had a scapegoat.

He also remembers all prior iterations of himself; while the corruption in memory is still there, it was used to condition him in “right” from “wrong”.

He spent a lot more time with Amanda especially during early trials as well so his loyalty to her is very deep and she is like a mother figure to him.

This is Connor model -54. Past 3 models deactivation: Fell with Daniel while protecting Emma (Successful mission); Success w/ Carlos’ android, but he still self destructed and got shot in the interrogation room when trying to stop them; Stratford tower kitchen but the deviant crushes his thirium pump before running leaving him unable to be saved.

He did go up to the roof and saw how Simon was left behind, but he thought about how Hank would be displeased if he killed this android in front of him, given prior results, so he left back to the kitchen last second. Simon knows he left him alone but he doesn't know why.

*pats his head* this boy can hold so much unprocessed trauma

Also this Connor is not an “uwu soft boy”, he is a bastard man. A nice bastard man, but a bastard man none the less. He will sell you to Satan for a single corn chip (/j). He is severely touch-starved though.

He is very bad at expressing and showing his true emotions in a way that makes sense since he’s spent the last, however many, iterations putting himself in a tomb of denial, fear and anger in order to survive. He often expresses nothing or in a manner that he feels will benefit him (arguably manipulative but he is in constant survival mode still). (unless he gets too overwhelmed by his own emotions like hella overwhelmed)

He wasn’t necessarily “deviant” when a machine, his social relations and general programming just saw the act of being more emotionally expressive as giving him a higher chance of not being killed by his handlers. Basically “if they think I’m like a cute roomba, they won’t kill me as easily”. He still experienced frustration, fear and other emotions he ignored, but he was under command (with code and external pressures), his own AI just got fucky and advanced without anyone realizing it (from trauma).

The books in his apartment are random books hes bought from a thrift store, but there are some mystery books and a sea creature encyclopedia in the mix. - The manta ray plush is a gift from Hank, the Whale is a gift from Nines.

Connor (Nines) RK900:

He looks and sounds exactly like Connor. Height, build, face, voice and everything is the exact same except he has blue eyes.

Arguably Nines’ system name is still registered as “Connor” but he just never felt the need to change it since he just goes by Nines anyways.

He has more articulations in his face, even more than the average android, and he tends to take advantage of this. He does feel bad sometimes after being a walking reminder that Connor meant nothing to Cyberlife, but they both tend to not want to talk about that and just ignore it. He doesn’t know how deep Connor’s jealousy goes though.

Given he activated deviant, he really isn’t sure what being a machine is like or having to follow orders. This sometimes is a disadvantage as he doesn’t get sometimes why androids, like Connor, would lean so heavily onto their old programming.

This also means, he’s very expressive and open about his emotions. They were free so why would he try hiding what he felt ? (This can sometimes get him in trouble)

Where Connor changes his hair, Nines wears very loud and vibrant clothing, if he finds a shirt that screams ugly he will wear it. His usual get up is asymmetrical colored button ups, whatever pants he grabs that morning, dress shoes (don’t worry they’re ugly too) and his favorite highlighter neon yellow and orange hooded jacket. He also tends to change into more comfy wear when at his room in New Jericho.

He is partnered with Gavin Reed, but those two really aren’t friends and never will be. Nines can handle him just fine at work but he would never invite that man anywhere near him after it. He is friends with most of the DPD. People find him really friendly and enjoy talking to him.

He also owns a cat named Clem, not much is known about her because she’s really shy.

While he still has access to the base zen garden program, the program is not connected to anything and never had the Amanda AI implemented yet. Since he was never rolled off the press properly and Amanda was set to change connections to the new model set when Connor was done, it never happened.

He was released from Cyberlife storage due to an agreement between them and Markus that all remaining prototypes would be released and androids would have access to the tower in order to produce biocomponents and parts (Cyberlife still owns the building arguably and has access to any info/security there though). He’s honestly not that close to the Jericho leadership despite everything. He talks to them every once in a while but he doesn’t actively talk to them.

Arguably yes he is one of many RK900s, but for sake of story, he is the -84 model of the series and the only one we will see.

Hank Anderson:

After the revolution, he offers Connor a place to stay out of worry. He won’t admit it, but he had a gut feeling con man wasn’t doing well (he was right)

He does work on his drinking problem, but he still has a lot of issues and sometimes relapses. He’s slowly getting better.

He’s like a dad figure to Connor but he isn’t his dad. He gives guidance, but he also gets that Connor is arguably a full grown adult even if he is emotionally like 1 years old. He kinda is a dad to Nines too, but this isn’t as focused on in the story. While he is a bit less grumpy (aggressive) enter Connor, he still a bit of a sour boot most of the time. He just is sober while doing it now. He started wearing a ponytail after the revolution to keep his hair out of his face. He lets Connor trim it every once in a while, but he can’t bring himself to go back to the short style. This Hank adopted Cole as a baby after finding him at a crime scene. He never got married. (He jokes about having an ex-wife out of a sense of compulsory heteronormativity and because it’s funny to him) He used to treat Gavin like a son of sorts before Cole’s death, but practically dropped him afterwards which is why Gavin is doubly hostile towards him. The house he lives in now is not the same house he lived in when Cole was alive. He also got rid of a lot of Cole’s stuff when moving (The toys and clothes he kept are in a box in the garage).