#nezumis emotions shions conflicts and thoughts

[weirdcat1213]

im not really at the end yet (about to finish vol 7 omg someone take my pain away) but i find really interesting that for someone who writes in a "visual heavy" way, the adaptation turned out like that.

the anime isnt bad by all means. it gives you a taste for the story and it makes you care for the characters (i could never hate you inukashi) but because it is 12 episodes its really boiled down to the "essentials" to the point where it feels incomplete. there was just so much dialogue and actions in key moments that wasnt adapted for time and kind of to get "to the point"

and i say this is funny cuz asano relies *heavily* in internal dialogue and this fun thing i like to call "vivid fantasies" aka the character imagining what they could/would do/say while something different is happening

yes im talking about lily's dad that actually hit harder than expected

but the point is that asano wrote the novel as if it was a script, i think. like the writing could be translated into a visual medium with no problem, but when no 6 got the chance it was only given 12 episodes. maybe 30-40 would be a good number. things happen here, trust me

honestly no one's fault except bone's for not giving asano more episodes to flesh out everything

[novelrat]

Random page from my journal so I have an excuse to ramble about some character thoughts. You’ve been warned

The dynamic of being intertwined and tied to someone who brings both emotional pleasure and fear is something I’ve been thinking about a lot, which always leads me back to these two.

In the novels, especially, those conflicting and intense feelings are very well portrayed through Nezumi. I think it’s an aspect of their relationship that I haven’t seen appreciated enough.

To love someone so wholly, yet entirely against your own judgement - is an extremely precarious position to be in. Very often in the novels we are given context on why it’s so out of character for Nezumi to devote himself in the way he does to Shion. Values, his own moral code, and instinct, keep him distant. Constantly haunted by deep distrust. Yet, he is uncontrollably, undeniably, tied to him.

Time after time, risking his safety, shouldering his fear - just to grow closer every day. Despite convincing himself he shouldn’t. Despite telling Shion himself not to get attached. Allowing himself to be wounded, allowing himself to drown in the emotions he thinks weaken him. All for one simple fact - it’s pleasurable.

A selfish desire, for companionship, to just feel the warmth of another person.

After so many years alone, it’s not a surprise he can’t consciously shut off the mental survival mode that’s kept alive to that point. But, one person can do it for him. It’s such a soothing thing that he hardly realizes when it’s happened.

The moment Shion places his hand on Nezumi’s neck always stood out to me for this reason. He had dropped his guard unknowingly, soaking in the quiet company he had grown used to. Then, suddenly, such a sensitive vital part of him was in the hands of another. Frozen in fear, it sent Nezumi into a mental spiral - while for Shion, it was simply a soft touch of affection. A terrifyingly tender gesture.

Moments like these between them happen frequently, each one revealing a different layer under the two of them. When someone you love unknowingly causes you pain in these small ways, it can become a “death by a thousand cuts” scenario. You’re suffering, lashing out in your pain - but the only one who can treat it is the person who’s inflicted it. Both Nezumi and Shion have hurt each other many, many times - and every time, they couldn’t help but find comfort together once more. Intertwined by fate and desire, to their own ruin.

Nezumi said Shion became the shackles that bound him. It’s an apt summary of the dynamic. But - I do think it’s both ways. And more importantly, I think it’s a lot more tender, yet somehow scarier, than that. Maybe I’ll dive into that sometime, too. For now though I’ll wrap up my sleepy thoughts. If anyone reads this far, marry me

[no6secretsanta]

Those Soft Nights

To: @glorifiedscapegoat

From: @paintedpainting ~ Life in the West Block was cold and harsh, full of deprivation. Since escaping here, Shion had learned that each day was a harsh battle for survival, whether it was against the elements, the persistent hunger, or other people. But recently, there was one new problem to his roster that he did not expect: sleeplessness.

Shion tossed and turned in the bed that he shared with Nezumi. He knew that he ought to fall asleep with ease, especially after a day spent washing Inukashi’s dogs, an unexpectedly exhausting job. His muscles were tired, and his eyes were heavy. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t fall asleep. He wished he could just turn off his brain.

A couple of things were preventing him from falling asleep. First, he had gotten into an exciting series of novels from Nezumi’s collection. Reading them before bed was a surefire recipe for insomnia, and yet he was so engrossed in those novels that he couldn’t help but read them anyways. Nezumi had actually dragged him into bed tonight, threatening more painful measures if he kept the light on for a second longer. Second, Shion had discovered that Nezumi himself was actually quite a restless sleeper. Usually, Shion was the one to fall asleep first, only to be woken up by Nezumi’s relentless tossing and turning. Could another person’s insomnia be contagious?

Shion opened his eyes and saw through the darkness Nezumi’s long, soft black hair. He wished Nezumi didn’t sleep with his face turned away. Nezumi had such a pretty face, and he would give anything to be able to get just one more look at his elegant features.

Slowly, Shion inched in closer to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in the scent of his hair. It was such a good smell, the kind of scent that made his whole body feel warm and fuzzy. He felt that if he could bury his face into Nezumi’s hair, he would be able to sleep restfully the whole night. Would Nezumi let him do something like that?

Well, why not try it out?

Shion moved until he was close enough that their heads were almost touching. The heat of Nezumi’s body washed over him, providing him an intimate comfort that was pleasant beyond words. As he closed his eyes, he realized he longed for more touch, more warmth. All of a sudden, he felt the urge to wrap his arms around Nezumi’s sleeping figure. Of course, he knew that if he actually did that, he would probably receive a fist to the face. But when their bodies were already so close, he found it hard to resist the temptation.

Damn, he ought to be trying to sleep! Tomorrow was a big day. Winter was near, so he was planning on going to shop for some warm clothes in the city market.

The figure in front of him spun around and opened a pair of cold, steely eyes.

“What.” The eyes seemed to utter, and it took a moment for Shion to be broken out of his trance to realize that the owner of those eyes was, in fact, speaking to him.

“I…I was cold,” Shion said. “I wanted some of your heat.”

“I’m not your personal furnace. Give me some space, or I’m going to kick you out. You want to spend the rest of the night sleeping on the floor?”

“N-No. Sorry. The floor would be even colder.”

“That’s the point. Now, move it.”

Shion hesitantly drew back, his heart penetrated by the coldness of those eyes. Yet, he did not feel direct enmity from their glare. There was another feeling behind those eyes, a feeling that he found hard to put into words, because like the comfort that he felt from being close to Nezumi, from being by Nezumi’s side, it was something that grew out of conflict, out of contradictions, an emotion that flickered to life as bright as a candle and swiftly faded into darkness.

When he escaped from No. 6 to live with Nezumi in the West Block, he had wanted to learn about Nezumi’s world, his way of looking at things and people and all the sensations that made life colourful. He wanted to understand that deep conflict beneath those eyes.

In the quiet darkness that they shared in this bed at night, he wished for a deeper connection, a thread to link their hearts so that a bridge could be formed over the chasm that separated their existences.

“Are you going to go to sleep or what?” Nezumi spoke. “You’re still staring at me.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t feel sleepy at all right now.”

“Well, you better get to sleep, because you won’t have any energy for tomorrow if you’re going to be up all night.”

“But I can’t sleep.”

A flicker of annoyance. “What do you want me to do, then? I need to sleep. I’m going to kick you out of bed soon if you keep this up.”

“Nezumi, I’m…I’m sorry.” Shion turned his eyes away. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

Shion expected Nezumi to turn away from him, to face him with his back once more. It was just Nezumi’s characteristic coldness. But when seconds, then a minute, passed, and Nezumi was still looking at him, the gaze in his eyes softer than before, he was frankly at a loss for words. Those eyes were too pretty to ignore, so he gazed back at them. A warmth began kindling deep down in his belly.

“You reminded me of how I was when I was younger,” Nezumi said in a gentle voice. “Back then, I couldn’t sleep well either.”

Shion had not expected Nezumi to talk about his past at all. Nezumi had been so secretive about his own life in the months that they’d spent living together. He held his breath, hoping to hear more, even if it was a vain hope.

“It was before I moved to the West Block.”

Nezumi turned to lie on his back and placed his hands behind his head. Shion wanted to keep looking at his eyes, so he inched in closer, hoping that Nezumi wouldn’t notice.

Those deep grey eyes were filled with reminiscence, a quiet glow.

“I remember lying down in a bed of leaves,” Nezumi whispered. “Hunger and cold made my body so weary that I felt I would die if I fell asleep. I’d sink into the ground, disintegrate into the soil, become nutrients for the grass and the worms. But that’s the easy way out. I had to keep fighting. I had to survive.

“Those nights, I remember how my body ached from resting on the cold, uneven ground. Sleep didn’t come easy. Though my body was tired, my mind kept racing. My mind was always alert for danger. I knew that anyone could come and kill me while I was asleep. I had to be vigilant at all times.

"When sleep finally came, it was a dark, dreamless rest, full of nameless anxiety. I don’t think I’ll ever forget those nights. They happened right after…”

Nezumi cut himself off so suddenly that Shion knew he must be delving into some hidden memory filled with unspeakable cruelty. Even though he was naive, even though he didn’t know anything about the world, he knew that Nezumi’s past contained some things that would break his spirit if they were unburied. Memories could sometimes be the most painful things.

“But they weren’t all that bad.” Nezumi’s lips spread into a half smile. “Sleeping outside in the dead of winter has its pleasantries. If the skies were clear, you’d be able to see all the stars. Winter nights have the brightest skies. The stars would gleam like snowflakes about to fall. When I couldn’t sleep, I’d count them.”

Nezumi raised a finger and pointed at the ceiling. “One, two, three, four, five, six.” He circled the air, tracing shapes that Shion knew had to be meaningful, even if he couldn’t visualize what they were. “The stars kept me company. Stars have a voice. They can laugh, they can sing, they can dance. During the coldest nights in winter, when the world was silent, when I was all alone by myself, I’d hear their gentle song.

"It felt like an elegy to me, to humanity, our absurd struggles.” Nezumi pointed at the ceiling again. “A star for each of humanity’s six cities. One, two, three, four, five…six.” His voice became so soft that even up close, Shion could barely hear him.

“The sixth star shone with arrogant brightness.”

Suddenly, Nezumi laughed. A small and quiet laugh, tinged with bittersweet feelings. “Maybe those nights weren’t so bad, those nights where I could see the stars. They’d never felt quite so lonely.”

Shion tensed. “Nezumi, do you feel lonely now?”

The expression on Nezumi’s face grew into tepid annoyance. “What? Why would I feel lonely? I’ve got an airhead taking up space in my bed, keeping me up at night for so long that I’m barely going to get any sleep!”

“No, I mean…before I moved in here with you.”

“I…”

Nezumi did not say anymore. He remained quiet, staring apathetically at the ceiling.

Shion wondered how it must have felt to sleep outside on a winter night. In No. 6, that would have been unthinkable. Nobody would ever sacrifice the warmth and comfort of their own bed for a night out on the cold, hard ground in freezing temperatures. Also, because of the city’s light pollution, there would barely be any stars visible out at night anyways.

Since moving to the outskirts of the West Block, Shion had noticed that the clear skies at night were filled with stars. He couldn’t even count them all. Sometimes, he wished he could sit out on the lonely, lifeless plains and hear their quiet, twinkling songs.

No, he didn’t want to do that by himself. He wanted to stargaze with Nezumi by his side, Nezumi there to guide him to hear the voices of the stars.

“I think the nights here are beautiful,” Shion whispered.

Nezumi gazed at him, that conflicted expression in his eyes again. “Do you mean the night skies outside?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why don’t you go outside and gaze at the stars, then? I’d like to get some sleep, thanks.”

“No, it’s okay. I think my nights here with you are beautiful, too.”

Nezumi’s expression grew completely deadpan. “Shion, are you serious?”

“What?”

“Your…linguistic expression still needs vast improvement. I thought you’d be better by now, after reading all those books!”

“I don’t get it.”

A frustrated sigh. “Go to sleep. I’m not talking with you anymore.”

“I…I can’t sleep, though. It’s so cold.”

“Fine. If you really want to, you can move closer to me. Don’t expect hugs or snuggles or anything. But if it’ll help you go to sleep, I’ll offer you some warmth…I guess.”

With a smile, Shion moved in close to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in his comforting scent. He really couldn’t get enough of it.

To his surprise, Nezumi placed an arm around his shoulder, pressing him in. They were close enough now that their faces were almost touching. Shion gazed into Nezumi’s eyes, drinking in their delicate light. Their tender glow suffused his heart with intimate warmth. He felt something blossoming from deep within himself, small silhouettes of things, like threads of starlight. Threads that just slightly bridged the voiceless abyss between their two worlds.

The darkness of the world made the light of those eyes all the brighter.

He gazed into those quiet grey eyes until they closed, until the stars of the winter night - one, two, three, four, five, six - six stars, fell, finishing their song, and the world settled into a quiet, gentle darkness. ~ Merry Christmas glorifiedscapegoat!

[pekorosu]

no.6 novels thinky thoughts

--------

so… i ended up finishing all 9 vols in about a week haha.

my overall impression? it was… alright, i guess.

not that i didn’t enjoy it, in fact, the first half was great! by the time i reached the end though, i had mixed feelings. sat on it for a week or so but a lot of it remains a vague hhhmmmmmblah blob that i’m not done figuring out. 

i still wanna make a post as a form of closure for myself though, so i’m just gonna dump whatever comes to mind here. don���t mind me.

so... the ending. i guess it was supposed to be open-ended in a hopeful way, but it just came across as unsettling to me. the ~chosen one~ thing rubbed me the wrong way, because shion was entrusted with an enormous responsibility that no 16 year old should even be shouldering in the first place. (i mean yea okay he did willingly accept it, but still. why only him? why aren’t they all collectively responsible?) 

meanwhile the actual perpetrators get to escape all the consequences by just… dying. just like that. and the rest of them, especially the adults… they’re pretty much useless? even the ones that wanted to do something by staging a revolt ended up being unreliable either bc 1. they were drunk on revenge or 2. all that power was getting to their head. ironically, rou was like “it’s all on us, the adults” but in the end even he decided to just spend the rest of his life chilling out underground -_-

on top of that, shion had to let go of nezumi. idk about y’all but that ending, that “promise to meet again” kiss was like… i couldn’t help but wonder if nezumi only did that because shion was all “a world without you is meaningless” and he had to give him something to cling onto. followed by shion’s devoted “i’ll keep waiting” which… idk, something about it felt utterly depressing. to be fair, nezumi always keeps his promises and the epilogue was vaguely hopeful i guess, but it still didn’t give me the sense of closure that i needed. 

to clarify, i’m not saying it’s a bad ending. it’s realistic and the implication that there’s still a lot of work to be done is very much in line with the story’s themes. just that something about it didn’t work for me personally, plus the lead up to it felt rushed, so it left me feeling :/ when i was done.

the plot… well, it started out exciting but turned out to be rather anticlimactic? the shift from science to supernatural had a proper build up, but still felt like a letdown for some reason… 

i think... maybe it’s bc dystopian stories tend to culminate in a huge battle and stuff like that, while this one just… didn’t. there was no final showdown with the Big Bad. there was chaos, but it hadn’t descended into total devastation yet, with the ultimate message that maintaining peace is always more preferable in order to prevent any more senseless deaths. and i guess that threw me off a little? not in a bad way, it was just unexpected bc i’m so used to the whole “final boss” format.

speaking of which, the antagonists were very one-dimensional, and for dictators they were surprisingly… weak. i mean, i get that hubris was precisely the reason for their carelessness and subsequent destruction, but it felt too convenient, too simple.

and i was sorta expecting something more gruesome when they got to the top floor of the correctional facility. idk, i guess brains floating in tubes just couldn’t compare with that scene of them climbing a mountain of corpses+half-alive people, which i had the misfortune of reading right before dinner. that was straight up horror.

and for all its depiction of the horrors of a police state, of poverty, famine, genocide… i felt like it stopped short of something. this isn’t meant to be a proper critique ofc, just that i remember feeling like the writing came across as wishy-washy or superficial at times, even though i knew the author’s intention wasn’t to hand out answers, but to get the readers to think. something about the way it was handled left me feeling unsatisfied i guess. 

that said, there were stuff that i did like! eg. i liked how the story dealt with the “we’re all human beings” statement from shion. it started out as a simple, idealistic “all lives matter” kind of thing, only to be turned on its head when he comes face-to-face with the kind of atrocities no.6 has committed. then it becomes less about that and more “our shared humanity means that we too have the capability to become cruel and apathetic.” or at least, that was my takeaway. 

hmm… in hindsight, i think it does what it set out to do well enough. that is, to convey a certain message to a certain group of people (teenagers i guess. this is YA after all). to inspire them to think for themselves, to realise that apathy is dangerous and to take responsibility for their own learning, but also to know that doing the “right” thing is not just about good intentions; it is constant hard work but still important work... among others. all of which are solid themes and messages. god knows when i was younger and learning about all this for the first time, even the simplest things would leave me mindblown for days. if i’d read this back then i imagine it would’ve left a bigger impression too.

the main highlight for me though, was probably the character scenes. i was surprised to find out how introspective the story was, with the majority of it dedicated to the characters’ internal thoughts and conflicts. 

sadly though, the side charas’ POVs (like inukashi’s and karan’s) ended up becoming tediously repetitive and draggy despite starting out strong. and safu… poor safu, she pretty much got the shortest end of the shit stick being the Plot Device Damsel In Distress Who Is Eventually Fridged. i had higher hopes for her ):

as for the rest… i don’t really care about rikiga… and who else… oh right! small nezumi team! hamlet, cravat and tsukiyo. 10/10 love them, would never get tired of their cute little squeaks.

and the protags… shion started out kinda bland but ended up being the easiest to relate to haha. eg. his constant struggle to reconcile his personal ideals with practical reality. and it was interesting to see how he confronted and came to terms with some harsh truths. he always tries so hard. sometimes it hurt to read, but it made me want to root for him and in a way, it gave me strength too. 

also his apparent “lack of interest” in sex/women/etc... i know it’s generally played for laughs or to highlight his ~naivete~ or ~immaturity~, but whatever lol it’s something i can relate to it v strongly.

nezumi took a while for me to warm up to even when i understood why he is the way he is. the callousness, hostility, volatility… they’re all defense mechanisms rooted in his trauma, but still, knowing that didn’t make him any less irritating lol. he could be deeply hypocritical at times and his tendency to randomly explode at shion was grating. on the plus side, it’s always very satisfying whenever we do get a glimpse of his more vulnerable side.

them as a pair though… i’m not a huge fan of the “fate brought us together” trope so i was skeptical at first. nezumi being so prickly and moody at first didn’t help either, but shion. oh shion, he tried so hard to worm himself into nezumi’s heart, to prove himself worthy, that i couldn’t help but be charmed. to me, they started out more like “snarky senpai and curious kouhai” as opposed to “friends” or even “potential enemies” as nezumi liked to insist they were, which made for an amusing dynamic. 

and while they did grow on me over time, they don’t make me feel that INTENSE CHEST STABBING feeling that i get with other ships. idk why, i mean, their sarcastic exchanges were amusing, their brutally honest arguments were compelling, and the pining (which is my #1 weakness) was through the fucking roof with shion. but still, something was missing.

sidenote on something the author mentioned in the guidebook interview (my own rough t/l):

I like writing about relationships between people of the same sex, not just boys. When it comes to the opposite sex, the end result of being attracted to each other is always romantic love, or getting married…… To a certain extent, the “template” for that is already fixed, isn’t it? But when it comes to the same sex, there can exist a connection that can’t be expressed in the usual cliched words like friendship, camaraderie, love, hatred… I think there’s meaning in writing about relationships that can’t be clearly defined. What’s between Shion and Nezumi is a “one-of-a-kind connection” that’s born out of a certain situation, out of certain experiences that only they have gone through. I wanted to find out what exactly that connection is, which was why I wanted to try writing it. Of course, that “one-of-a-kind connection” would probably exist between people of the opposite sex as well. After all, the feelings that emerge from a chance meeting of two human beings can never be something that’s mass-produced. But still, I think the one thing that I really enjoy writing about has got to be the unique emotions that develop between people of the same sex.

i know she doesn’t mean anything negative here, but idk… it kinda reminds me of the way yoshida akimi discussed ash and eiji’s relationship in banana fish, and the way she discussed what she found so special about same-sex relationships that is lacking in m/f relationships. and something about it bugs me so much. i don’t even know why or how to explain it… 

it sounds like to them, there’s something fundamentally “different” about same-sex relationships. "different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad” and in fact, it even sounds positive in this context because the implication is that that “difference” allows for more freedom and variety in relationship dynamics. but i guess, the closest thing that i can come up with is that it sounds… othering? i don’t know….......

speaking of which, i suppose shion/safu is a subversion of that typical m/f relationship. shion can never love her the way she wants him to, which is heartbreaking, but also refreshing in a way.

and you know what… it just occurred to me that maybe, maybe… it’s the same with shion and nezumi. and maybe that’s why something about them feels off to me. i mean, obviously the strength of their feelings for each other is indisputable, but idk if the essence of it is the same. 

shrugs. anyway, yeah.

the honest truth is that, while i enjoyed their interactions immensely, they just don’t ignite the same fire in me as all my other otps. that said, i still do have a lot of thoughts on them! maybe that’s a post for another day.

some other stray thoughts:

- was it ever explained how nezumi built his robo rats? or where tf he managed to gather so many gold coins? was this something the story just handwaved or did i just forget?

- nezumi wanting to leave on a journey at the end baffled me. even though him eventually leaving was foreshadowed a couple times, he never really struck me as a wanderer to begin with. but now that i think about it… i wonder if he’s leaving bc he wants to, or rather, needs to look out for any other remaining forests and natural environments. that’s what his people did, didn’t they? protect the forests. i wonder if he’s going to go look for others like himself. after all, he’s the only surviving indigenous person left in the area surrounding no.6, isn’t he? hmmm.

language-wise... this is my first proper japanese (light) novel so i’m feeling kinda accomplished rn! lol. it was surprisingly not as tough as i had expected. i think the most difficult part was actually reading the quotes at the beginning of each chapter bc it’s in a font that’s so hard to make out.

oh, and again, some parts felt really redundant. i kept wondering if it was a language thing or an author thing. either way, i felt like there were quite a few unnecessary rehashes that could’ve been omitted to improve the pacing. 

sequels, other adaptations...

i’ve not read “beyond” yet, which apparently has sequel-ish bits? i’ve ordered it, it’s on its way, but i have a feeling my impression won’t change that much even after i’ve read it. heck, it might get worse judging by all these lukewarm reviews. i’m definitely gonna see this through to the end, but i’m feeling kinda scared now lol.

i might check out the anime? based on the summaries on wiki, it sounds like quite a lot has been altered, but i’m still curious about the visuals. dunno if i’d wanna check out the manga. if it’s exactly the same as the novels or the anime then maybe not…

oh yeah, their anime/manga versions look quite different to how i imagined them! mine’s closer to the novel covers i guess. especially nezumi. i imagined him with short hair. maybe not all super saiyan like the one below, but yea.

lastly, i just had a good look at all the vol covers and i actually think they look pretty cool! i’m really glad i chose to get this version instead of the bunkobon. i mean, i don’t know if i will ever reread this again, but at least the covers are nice to look at haha.

[somepinkthing]

Nezumi and shion absolutely Were Not in love since the beginning. They both felt a sort of attraction and kinship with each other and they definitely cared, but it was complicated.

Shion, for all that he may claim otherwise, was initially just facinated by nezumi. He cared for nezumi, sure, but he approached nezumi more as a mystery to be solved than as a real, breathing person. That's why the fact that nezumi had moods and the juxtaposition of him confused shion. That's why it disgusted shion so much whenever nezumi did something morally questionable but he seemed to understand the neccesity whenever others did it. Nezumi represented freedom and rebellion that shion's always wanted. He put nezumi on a pillar. He was exciting, he excited shion. But it wasn't love, at least not at first. Shion had to learn to see and accept nezumi as he was. He had to accept that nezumi's past wasn't his to uncover. That nezumi wasn't there to be his constant nor was he a puzzle to solve. Shion had to understand that nezumi as a person and not as a representation of everything his life in the city had lacked. What shion did have going for him was that he was more in touch with his emotions than any other character; he was able to recognize when it was actually love once he started feeling it and he didn't shy away

For nezumi, shion represented every No.6 citizen. That nezumi happened to owe him a life debt didn't mean he wasn't evil. Nezumi was still capable of seeing who shion was as a person due to his feelings over what shion had done for him and his honed perceptive ability, but what he saw in shion conflicted with what he wanted to believe about shion and about No.6. Nezumi wanted to push every image he had of No.6 residents onto shion. He wanted to believe that shion just stood by as people were slaughtered. He wanted shion to show the same malicious apathy he believed present in all of No.6. But that wasn't shion. And while shion is guilty of living on the backs of others, he was also a child and didn't know. Ignorance was his biggest sin. But whenever nezumi started to accept that, shion went and did things like try to talk nezumi into saving No.6 with him--clearly proof that shion was willfully ignoring what the city has done to people and the hate they've accrued. Trying to decide which one was the truth confused and frustrated nezumi. Accepting that shion was a decent person also meant accepting that karen, lili, and others in the city were potentially decent too. Caring about shion meant caring about a part of No.6 and, understandably, nezumi didn't want to believe anything good about No.6. Accepting shion also meant opening up (which he already had trouble doing) and he did not trust shion enough to do that. Because if shion wasn't complicit, if he really was just ignorant, then the genocide of his people AND an annual culling of hundreds had made such a small impact that someone like shion could simply have no idea. That's hard to swallow. It was easier for nezumi to think that shion had been brainwashed into allowing it, even if he could see that wasn't true. It took him a while to stop seeing shion as the No.6 guy he owes/is dangerously attached to

Shion confused nezumi and nezumi confused shion. In truth, none of their actions were super complex but. Nezumi was trying to put everything shion did in the context of what he thought of no.6. Shion was trying to put everything nezumi did in the context of this shining paragon of freedom he had built nezumi up to be. They took a while to actually see each other for who they really were as people. And then when they did, they began to swing to the other extreme. Shion began to see that nezumi was a real person with weaknesses who might not be as okay as he initially thought. He responded by upping his protectiveness to an extreme level. Nezumi began to accept that shion was a genuine person and started to worry that he was tainting shion. It was a whole mess!

[snowstories]

I’ve been rereading the No. 6 manga for the first time since I was 16 or so to see whether I still like it, and thusfar I’m actually pleasantly surprised at how well it holds up? Usually when I reread/re-watch something I end up spotting a lot of flaws I missed the first time around, but I just finished volume 4, and so far I actually agree with my younger self about almost everything. 

Some Thoughts under the cut.

Some bad things I did notice:

The biggest disagreement I have with my younger self is about Shion’s outbursts of violence. Young!me thought that was very cool and also pretty decent foreshadowing for his character development, but now!me honestly finds them thoroughly unnecessary and very hamfisted, as well as nonsensical. While they’re pretty cool to watch (fuck Rikiga up Shion!!), they make no sense on any level and they should’ve probably been cut in the editing process (and maybe replaced with regular anger issues), since I honestly don’t feel like they add much to the story.

I’m also kind of sad that No. 6 (the city) didn’t get more development. It’s not that often that we see a dystopia that’s still only barely starting to take form (Shion is probably the first generation that grew up in dystopia!No. 6) and I just feel like they could’ve done more with that than they did. But hey, I haven’t really gotten to the meat of the worldbuilding yet, so maybe I’ll feel different later on. 

Also I’d have liked the world in general to get a little more development. While we have a vague idea of what’s going on, I’d have liked to see more about the other cities and their reaction to No. 6. Are they similar dystopian assholes? If so, what do they think of the fall of No. 6? If not, what do they think of No. 6′s bullshit stunts?

What I’m getting at is @ Atsuko Asano please give us a sequel.

Safu got fucking shafted and it’s even more obvious now that I’m older. Literally her entire character is basically boiled down to ‘I love Shion’ and it’s such a damn shame because she had so much potential! Safu could’ve been the primary world building POV for No. 6 and the world outside No. 6, and I think it would’ve been fucking awesome to see how she would’ve tried to undermine No. 6′s power from inside the city, and she could’ve taken Karan’s place in her involvement in the rebellion and actually had that plotline, you know. go somewhere (don’t get me wrong I love Karan but I understand why both the manga and the anime cut her POV time down significantly). Safu is a cool an interesting character who was given nothing to work with story wise and inevitably became a damsel in distress and then got killed off and it’s!! a goddamn shame!!

Safu was one of the very few things the anime did better than the manga/light novels.

But again I haven’t really read the meat of her arc yet so my feelings might change.

Rikiga is more of a bitch than I remember, which is definitely because 16 year old me couldn’t properly contextualize the sheer amount of sleazy assholishness required for a grown adult to offer a position as a sex workerto a 16 year old (even though I’m pretty sure it was more a very off color joke than a serious offer). Seriously dude. Fuck you.

On that note Fuck! Him! Up! Shion!

Also the portrayal of sex workers in general is not great as far as I can tell, but I’m still not really an expert on this so I’m hesitant to make any real claims. 

Nezumi is an even bigger asshole than I remembered. He’s got so many fucking issues but at the very least he needs to learn not to take them out on Shion.

On that note Shion slapping him in the face was satisfying as hell.

Still not sure whether I like the artstyle or not.

The villains are even more forgettable than I remembered. Which is fitting actually.

Some good things I noticed:

So far, Dogkeeper/Inukashi hasn’t been referred to with pronouns even once (I think, and I was paying attention), which is really cool actually.

Everyone loves Shion and it’s so wholesome? Everyone in the West Block crew basically goes ‘Life is horrible and humans are horrible too and you should be selfish’ and then Shion kicks down their emotional defenses by going ‘Okay but consider: humans should be nice to each other’ and it’s amazing to see. 

Dogkeeper: haha Nezumi likes Shion! What a weakling!

Dogkeeper, after being around Shion for a few hours: fuck.

Shion in general is just. such a treat. love him.

Can’t wait to see him get emotionally destroyed.

Now that I’m older, it’s way easier to see the unhealthy dynamics in Shion and Nezumi’s relationship (although I was already aware of them when I was younger), but I actually really dig it? I think it’s realistic, and considering the ending, I think that Atsuko Asano was aware of the unhealthy part of their relationship and intentionally put them in. I don’t think it’s handled perfectly (although again, I haven’t reread the entire thing yet), but it’s handled okay enough that it doesn’t really bother me.

Even though Rikiga is a morally depraved douchecanoe, I do have to say that I find the parallels between him and No. 6 (started out well-meaning idealists, but quickly spiraled into depravity to fuel their own need for luxury) to be pretty interesting in a way I didn’t when I was younger. I’ll see where the rest of the story takes them.

I do really like Nezumi and his inner conflict regarding Shion. He’s a fucking asshole about it, but it’s still interesting to read.

Dogkeeper is. So good. They’re even better now that I know I’m nonbinary myself. Just wanted to make that clear.

I found the scene of the No. 6 official’s interrogation to be a lot more interesting now that I’m older. I was a) a LOT more mad at Nezumi for being a prick to Inukashi (seriously dude, the fuck), and b) I found the official’s total ignorance to No. 6′s depravity to be very fascinating. His interactions with Shion were very interesting, in that it was a very fundamental clash of ideologies, and although the official was a massive, massive asshat on every possible level, I do like how these little moments of complete bafflement at Shion serve to humanize him a lot. It goes very well with the overarching story themes of grey morality and humanity even in the shittiest of humans. 

[youremymiracleelliot]

Graffiti of the Moment vol.1 || my thoughts

Actually I started reading this series because I’m a big fan of Hinoki Kino’s previous series “No.6”, seeing her style again brought back many Nezumi & Shion feelings, some sadness…and MAN I’M STILL WAITING FOR REUNION TO COME!

This new story surprisingly caught my interest very fast! At first I was so very amazed by that unknown boy child Kou had encounter the day when his family died. It was such a magical moment but then everything shattered into pieces and immediately I felt an urgent need to comfort Kou. Some scenes really broke my heart, for example when Kou returns from school and greets his family and talks to them about his day as if they still were alive. Remembering it I could cry again;;

Kou’s development during the series, especially his fear of fire, everything might be kind of predictable…, though maybe it’ll come in different ways than expected. But it’s the characters’ relationships and grows that make me eager to read more.

Aside of Kou, there’s the other teen, Ginga, who is absolutely adorable. A mysterious person who kind of hides his emotions and thoughts. In the last chapter of volume 1 more about his past and “inner conflict” is revealed and I can’t help but like him even more than Kou. However, that aside, together these two teens build an interesting couple (there are also quite a lot hints to ship them, if one’s into BL… oh, my “No.6” feelings return once more!!) and I can’t help but wish for them to reach their aims, together and I want them to be close friends!

All in one, this volume was one of the best first volumes I’ve read for quite some while and I can’t await to read volume 2!