#next is i am become christmas
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ALBUM REVIEW: VIEW-MONSTER (2008)
let it be known that this is my favorite album of all time
i'll be reviewing transition tracks as part of the song they come directly after.
Kaleidoskull: i love this song so much. it's cold, in a good way. like rain. [view-monster] gives me that same feeling but tenfold. probably the best lemon demon opener to date.
Amnesia Was Her Name: straight bop. long term memory sauce. [hippocampus] isn't of much note.
The Man in Stripes and Glasses: they killed waldo from where's waldo. [spooky sounds vol 6] is a very funny way of transitioning out of it, too.
Marketland: how can you hate marketland. it's about a guy who hates going to the market but goes there anyway. [x-ray glasses] is similar to [hippocampus].
Gadzooks: i've heard it said before that Gadzooks is like Marketland but you're in on the joke. yeah pretty much. love this song. [prelude to a knife fight] isn't notable.
Knife Fight: homoeroticism. S tier. [autofocus] is probably one of the best transition tracks.
The Only House That's Not on Fire (Yet): really good. great lyrics, great music, great everything really. second favorite on the album. [combs] is not notable.
The Ocean: a fun song about an idiot sailor. show no fear, for on this strange frontier, monsters can smell the fear in you, that's how they know just who to pursue. [wet hair] is ocean ocean ocean ocean ocean ocean ocean ocean ocean.
The Afternoon: banger. love the lyrics, too. [afterafternoon] might as well just be part of the song.
Spring Heeled Jack: light on its feet. pretty good. [alternate history] isn't of much note.
Being a Rock Star: my best friend is obsessed with this song, so i always think of her when i listen to it. banger. [like a balloon] is basically just part of the next song.
Ask for Nothing: song about agnosticism. goes hard. [disconnect] isn't of note.
Satirist's Love Song: can be interpreted as a break-up song in which the singer is denying there was ever love to begin with, or a song about a relationship where only the other party was actually serious about it. pretty good song. [therapy] sets up the next song pretty well.
The Machine: ough. probably my favorite lemon demon song ever honestly. it's so fuckign goodd im gonna scream. [between the frames] is a pretty good transition.
Bill Watterson: 👍👍👍👍👍 banger. really fun second-to-last. love this song. [sleeping] isn't notable.
Something Glowing: great fucking closer. vaguely lovecraftian. fantastic lyrics. [finale] is basically just a continuation of it.
#/it speaks/#the lemon demon marathon#lemon demon#album review#and thus#the end of middle lemon demon#next is i am become christmas#which i consider the first modern lemon demon
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screebbles
#idk what this is i am just thinking about them#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#kurapika#senritsu#help i want to make christmas/wintery art but i haven't started anything#will i scribble something at lightspeed in the next 24 hours before i part from my tablet for the holidays#or become lazy and give up lol
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chapter 7: it’s a long way to ba sing se (part 2) is up now!
#merry christmas!!!#i said it in the author's notes but im saying it here again SORRY FOR SUCH A DEPRESSING CHAPTER ON XMAS 😭#but we're now in the BSS arc which i am SO excited for. can you guess who makes an appearance next#i'll give you a hint: one of the relationship tags is about to become relevant ;)#tams#twice as many stars
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i live
#im off work for four days and become active again HAHA#but also. hi y’all i know it has been a minute 😭#this has been a crazy year (and it’s still not over…) but im feeling much more confident/comfortable at my job these days. so—#—much less stress in that department than before#uhhh got a bf. flew across the country for bf. broke up with bf. normal activities for tumblr user noramoons#all that being said 😭 i think im in a good spot to start being somewhat active again :)#and !! i’ve been writing !!!!! it’s a christmas miracle !!#one fic dropping either tonight or tmrrw…the next will be a while later since it’s a series but y’all. i am SO excited to keep working on i#AGGHH forgot how fun writing can be. anyway. life update over i hope everyone is doing well and staying safe n warm this holiday season !!!#and if not - my asks and dms are always open if anyone needs to chat or infodump or vent <3 I MISSED YALL#beck.txt
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Today, I made an AMV of Miss Murder by AFI with clips from The Grinch.
#get on my level#peak cringe#cringe#true cringe#fight me#the grinch#Christmas#Christmas movies#emo#emo music#afi#miss murder#amv#i am taking suggestions of what to do next. but only Christmas movies and emo music.#thinking animal i have become by 3dg and like yukon Cornelius or something#or blink 182 with like frosty the snowman#help
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9:20 AM.
Jungkook (your boyfriend) knew exactly how to make you feel good, only he knew how to please your body.
pairing: bf!Jungkook x gf!reader genre/tags: smut, fluff, teasing, dom!jungkook x sub!reader, marking, jungkook has a tongue piercing, fingering, oral (f. receiving), mentions of crying (from pleasure), female orgasm words: 1.2k
**old repost from my deleted blog
You were excited for your boyfriend to come back home from his morning jog. You woke up after he did and he left the cutest little handwritten note on the refrigerator. It said on the note that he went out for his morning jog and is heading to the market after to pick a few things up for tonight’s dinner. You smile at his note and thought it was so sweet how he could’ve just sent a simple text but wanted to go the extra mile by handwriting a note for you. Deciding to do your own thing while he’s gone, you pick a romantic comedy movie to watch on Netflix to pass the time. Patiently waiting for Jungkook to arrive back home, you heard the door suddenly unlock and hurry to get up to go leave out of your room.
“JUNGKOOK!” You shout eagerly, almost pouncing on him once he gets through the door.
“Y/n, my baby girl,” He greets you back with a doting smile, wrapping his arms around your waist, encasing himself into you.
You wasted no time to start kissing him, immediately going in to grab his pretty face with both of your hands, crashing your lips into his. He must’ve been thinking about doing this all day because once you two start making out, he carries you straight into both of your guy’s bedroom and places you gently onto the bed.
Jungkook knew exactly how to make you feel good, only he knew how to please your body. He’d begin by peppering your jaw and neck with a plethora of kisses, leaving a faint trail of hickies behind. He’d also be rubbing your inner thigh with his large hands that always turn you on every time you look at them. The prominent veins on his hands and arms when he flexes just a teensy bit is enough to make you cum in your panties.
“I love you so much,” Jungkook murmurs against your skin, still kissing and sucking on your neck as if he’s a vampire.
“Love you too koo— fuck…” Your response was interrupted by what he was doing to you next. Jungkook’s tattooed hand makes its way down to the tight shorts you were wearing. The shorts were pink and had a cute hello kitty design on them, Jungkook was the one who bought them for you actually. He’s always loved seeing you in the clothes he bought for you over the years, acting like a little kid on Christmas.
Jungkook is rubbing you over your shorts and the friction is driving you absolutely insane. You can just feel how wet you’re becoming, the juices from your heat start to overflow; seeping through your panties and he feels you throbbing on his fingers. He’s got a sinister look on his face and you already know that means you’re in for something amazing to make your morning.
“Sheesh baby, look how wet your pussy’s getting…” Jungkook looks in awe, hissing at the sight of a giant wet spot forming in your panties after he took off your tight skimpy shorts.
Jungkook begins caressing, kissing, and licking your lower body, touching every curve and crevice of you, not missing a single spot. His touch is so gentle, so warm, so inviting. His tongue rolls along the inside of your thigh, the steel metal of his tongue piercing feels cold but the sensation tingles down your spine. Flinching from the action he performed, he notices straight away, eyebrows raised in a sudden stir of confusion.
“You okay baby?” He asks softly before continuing, wanting to make sure nothing he did hurt you.
“Y-yes, just feeling a little sensitive that’s all…” You say quietly.
You feel him smile against your soft flesh, planting more wet kisses against yours thighs and laid his head there for a while to feel your warmth.
“I could be like this all day y’know?” He basks in your presence, speaking in a mumbled tone, half his face still buried in your thighs.
“I know koo.”
Jungkook raises his head a tiny bit just to face your clothed pussy again. He couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot, bringing his face—specifically his nose, closer to you to get a whiff of your sweet aroma. He practically buries his nose into your panties and drags it down your slit.
“You smell so good..” He was intoxicated by your scent, loving the natural, but fragrant essence.
He licks a stripe to your clothed core, making you moan out loud and bring your hand to latch onto his fluffy hair. You love to play with it and make it a mess of his hair after he’s done giving you the best head of your life.
“You taste really good too babe,” Jungkook couldn’t get enough of you, he was literally drunk off your pussy.
You were so desperate for him to take your panties off as you were starting to make more of a sticky mess in them but he seemed to be enjoying it more that way. He wanted to prolong the action of coming into contact with your bare pussy. He wanted to tease you so much until you were begging for him to touch your clit. You wanted nothing but his tongue against your wet folds right now.
“J-jungkook…” You mutter so lowly, he almost couldn’t hear you.
“Hmm, what’s my name baby?” He asks while still teasing your entrance, now sliding one of his fingers inside your floral panties.
“Jungkook!” You moan louder this time, feeling somewhat better that you’re almost getting to where you want to be.
“Want you to scream my name for hours, can you do that for me babydoll?” He asks in a serious tone, pushing his finger in and out of your soaked cunt.
You nod submissively, “o-okay daddy..” arching your back against the bed from the amazing feeling, Jungkook knows exactly how to use his fingers on you.
He kept fingering you harder and deeper until you look him in the eyes and visibly start to tear up from all the pleasure he’s giving you. It’s so good but so unbearable at the same time. He made you feel like you were in heaven, crying out his name, just saying “Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook” on repeat whilst he’s finger fucking you. He’s scissoring your tight hole from the inside out and your juices were now running so far down your legs. You were super close to your orgasm and he could tell by the contorted face you were making.
“Jungkook… Jungkook.. fuck I’m gonna cum!” You scream for him, eyes rolling to the back of your head and your vision was going insanely blurry.
“Yeah baby that’s it, just relax…cum for daddy,” Jungkook coaxes you through it, encouraging you to reach your high but still adding slight pressure to your clit. You couldn’t take it anymore, just letting go and being in eternal bliss as you reached your climax. You moaned his name a couple more times and he called you his good girl for cumming when he told you to. You went back to making out and he was now massaging your boobs.
“You’re really horny today, huh?” You ask Jungkook, stifling a giggle at his overly naughty behavior.
“The real question should be when am I not horny whenever I’m with you y/n..” Jungkook shamelessly admits, grabbing your face once again to kiss you harder.
At least you can say you don’t have issues with satisfying your man in the bedroom !
#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#bts smut#jungkook drabbles#jeon jungkook smut#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagine#jungkook drabble#jungkook x female reader#jungkook imagines#jungkook x f reader#jungkook fic#bts x reader#bts x fem!reader
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School Bus Graveyard incorrect quotes because I'm bored
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Taylor: Look how creepy it is looking down this hallway.
Ashlyn: I'm gonna get vertigo.
Aiden: I'm a Virgo!
Tyler, deadpan: No, you're a virgin.
...
Aiden: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Tyler: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Aiden: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ASHLYN WITH ME
Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.
...
Taylor: Why is Tyler so upset?
Logan: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes
Taylor: And...?
Logan: He got Aiden.
...
Ashlyn: What did you do with the phantom's body?
Aiden: What didn’t I do with the body?
Everyone:
Aiden: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the phantom respectfully.
...
Aiden: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Logan: Aiden, no.
Ben, with text to speech: Mistlefoe.
Logan: Please stop encouraging him.
...
Taylor: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Tyler: You’re a hazard to society
Aiden: And a coward. DO TWENTY.
...
Emma, trying to be nice to Ashlyn's new friends: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Mike, excited for his daughter: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?
...
Logan: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Ben: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Aiden: Smad.
...
Ashlyn: Why are you on the floor?
Aiden: I'm depressed.
Aiden: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ben, please.
...
Taylor: Aiden and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Ashlyn, sighing: What did he do?
Taylor: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Aiden: Who wants a steering wheel?
...
Aiden: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Logan: How am I supposed to know?
Tyler: You say that as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Logan: ...You wouldn't be trapped.
...
Ashlyn: Tyler, keep an eye on Aiden today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Tyler: Sure, I’d love to see him get punched.
Ashlyn: Try again.
Tyler, sighing: I will stop Aiden from getting punched.
...
Aiden, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him
Tyler: You did WHAT–
Ben: William Snakespeare
...
Ashlyn: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Taylor: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Ashlyn: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Aiden: edible
...
Taylor, whispering to Aiden, who’s on the phone with Ashlyn: Ask her something!
Aiden: How are you feeling?
Ashlyn: Fine.
Taylor: Something personal!
Aiden: At what age did you start hearing voices?
...
Aiden: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited
Logan: If?
Tyler: Great, the only party I’d actually go to and he might not even die.
...
Logan: We need a distraction.
Ashlyn: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Aiden, whispering: My time has come
...
Tyler: Where are you going?
Taylor: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
Tyler: I'll come with
...
Mike, buying a whole bag of knives, guns and other weapons like he's going to war on a random Tuesday: I can explain
Jacob (shop owner): Can you?
Mike: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
...
Taylor: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food colouring, it will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food colouring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food colouring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.
Tyler, sighing: What did you do?
Taylor, wailing: A MISTAKE
...
Mr. Thomas: What are your goals?
Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs.
Mr. Thomas: No, I meant your goals for this trip.
Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs in Savannah.
...
Logan: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Ashlyn: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?
...
Taylor: Aiden isn’t answering their phone
Ashlyn: I’ll call
Taylor: Ben and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Aiden: Hello?
...
Aiden: I was arrested for being too cool.
Tyler: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
...
Aiden: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much
Taylor: You’ve been to jail?
Aiden: Once. In Monopoly.
...
Mike: You love me, right?
Emma: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
...
Aiden: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Ashlyn: Okay
Aiden: And make out during the scary parts.
Ashlyn: The-
Ashlyn: The scary parts?
Ashlyn: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
...
Ashlyn: How petty can you get?
Tyler: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
Taylor: I KNEW IT-
...
Aiden: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Logan: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
...
Mike: So what’s for dinner?
Emma, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
That's all for today!
#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#ashlyn banner#aiden clark#ben clark#taylor hernandez#tyler hernandez#logan fields#mike banner#emma banner#i love those two so much#incorrect quotes#sbg incorrect quotes#incorrect sbg quotes#aidlyn#ashden
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their reaction to you wearing a flavoured lipstick
task force 141 x reader headcanons
synopsis: headcanons of how would they react when the reader wears a flavoured lipstick/lip gloss/lip balm
notes: can you tell who is my favourite?
comments and reblogs are always appreciated🙈
warnings: mentions of smoking, occasional swearing, tooth-rotting fluff
find it on a03 masterlist
Captain 'John' Price - chocolate and red velvet
He may be slightly old-fashioned and love it when you wear red lipstick as he considers it a classy, but bold choice of colour
He is aware that you own more than one red lipstick, yet he secretly cannot differentiate one shade from another. Not that he'll ever let you know
That is until one day you visit him at work. He won't let it show, but he becomes jealous the second you walk in the base, your lips painted in a rich, velvety crimson. He cannot take his eyes off you, hypnotized by the captivating movement of your lips as you speak to him, telling him about your day and what you thought you should have for dinner.
John does not miss the hungry looks that are thrown across your way. He is quick to snake his hand around your waist and usher you to his office, where he could be the only one relishing in the allure the red lipstick cast over you-
"John, you're not really listening, are you?" your playful tone snaps him out of his reverie, a sheepish look plastered on his face.
"Love, did I ever tell you how much red lipstick suits you?"
"Only twice per day and more than ten times per night…" you roll your eyes at his antics, cupping his cheeks in your hands and planting a kiss at the corner of his lips, letting out a small giggle as his stubble tickled your lips.
"Well, I am headed home to get started on that dinner you didn't pay attention to!" you keep teasing him, amused by his dazzled expression. Little did you know, you had him wrapped around your finger.
"A…Alright, drive safe! I'll be there as soon as I finish this paperwork!"
Only he spends the next hour daydreaming about your red lips and the tender way they made contact with his skin, the phantom touch still lingering on the corner of his lips. Unconsciously, he traces his tongue over the place, freezing when he feels a mild flavour of chocolate.
He checks it once again, partially ashamed of the childish gesture. If any of his teammates caught him at that moment, they wouldn't let him live it down. But the subtle taste is there, sweet yet distant, almost as if it was teasing him.
The paperwork's long forgotten before he realizes it must be your lipstick. You might have told him that you found a new flavoured collection, but he had been too busy staring at your giddy figure to pay attention.
So he becomes a man with a plan and does not delay heading home anymore. The drive there seems endless, but it's all worth it the moment he opens the door and sees you standing by the kitchen counter, wearing the apron he gave you for Christmas
One second he's by the door, the next he's smashing his lips against yours, a small sigh of pleasure leaving him as he relishes in the now-intense aroma of chocolate.
"Warn an old man next time, will ya?"
From that day on, he starts calling you "chocolate". The pet name raises a few eyebrows here and there, but none of you are bothered by it. Not when you could tease him about his newly-found sweet tooth and he could lose himself in your delicate kisses.
Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley - strawberries and cigarettes
There are times when he becomes a heavy smoker, sitting on the balcony of your shared apartment and burning through a pack in one day while his mind is mulling over the previous or the next mission
In times like those, he has nothing against your presence, secretly enjoying when you lay his head atop his shoulder and hug him from behind, but he always refuses to kiss you afterwards, arguing that the acrid taste of cigarettes would gross you out
It definitely doesn't- it is an integral part of him that you'd come to accept and love- and now you couldn't live without it
Until one evening, you opt to sit across him, leaning your hands on the balcony railing, while your eyes wander over the city lights. Over the course of your relationship with Simon, you had grown used to his long bouts of silence, becoming accustomed to all of his telltale signs: his left eyebrow would twitch when he doesn't like something, his right foot would continuously tap against the ground when he is distressed.
Three cigarettes in, and his foot is reenacting Radetzky's March. He is utterly unaware of the amused glances you steal at him
"Something the matter, love?" you ask him in a sweet tone, trying to pull off your most innocent face.
"'s nothing", he begins hesitantly, his voice rough from not using it. "…just a little cold, I guess"
You have to turn your head away from him and back to the city, a satisfied smirk spreading on your face. Simon might have been the deadliest operator the Special Forces have had in a long time, but deep down he was also a touch-starved man who found solace and peace in your arms
When the foot tapping does not stop, you struggle to school your face into a neutral expression and turn towards him, your eyes melting at the sight of his dishevelled blonde hair and furrowed brow. He sheepishly looks up in your direction, a silent plea dancing in his chocolate eyes.
You stand and approach him slowly, stopping only when your faces are inches apart. His half-burnt cigarette is forgotten in the ashtray, the remnants of smoke in his breath fanning over your face.
His eyes hold a hundred unanswered questions: did he do something to upset you, did you grow sick of him, can he do anything to get you back; but they are all silenced when you lean in further, placing a gentle and intimate kiss on his lips
The unexpected gesture sends shivers of pleasure down his spine and he has to take a moment before cupping your cheeks in his hands and kissing you back, the way you deserve to be kissed
You chuckle in his mouth before pecking both his eyes and forehead and returning to your original position, your head resting in the crook of his neck as your arms engulf him in a warm hug
He opens his mouth to scold you for kissing him when he is smoking. In his mind, it is almost like he is tainting your presence with the stale smell of smoked cigarettes. But as the words form on his lips, he hesitates, his mind struggling to acknowledge the foreign taste on his tongue
He turns to look at you with a confused look on his face. It was October so there could be no strawberries at the market and the freezer was empty as you had eaten all ice cream when you were on your period-
So why did he taste strawberries on your kiss?
"I may have found a lip gloss from high school", you eventually break the silence, blowing a huff of strawberry-scented air in his direction. "One I bought and swore to keep untouched until I found someone worth using it for!"
His thunderous laugh has you opening your mouth in shock. You could count on your fingers the number of times he'd laugh openly and without reserves
"Bloody hell, darling. You'll get me killed before smoking does! That thing must have been expired for years now!"
You shake your head in disbelief, faintly blushing at his words. You know he is teasing you, but that does not stop you from taking revenge as you start to plant messy pecks and kisses on his neck and cheeks. You eventually stop when your lips are once again inches apart from his, your breaths slowly mingling into a shared one
"Then I guess we are going down together"
Sergeant John "Soap" MacTavish - cherries and chapped lips
It all begins one cold morning when he leans in to kiss you goodbye before leaving for work
"Hold on! Johnny, you've got to do something about your chapped lips! You know what, let me get you a lip balm!"
He is quick to place a hand on your shoulder to stop you. His eyebrows are raised in disbelief and he has to do a double-take before words tumble out of his mouth
"Ain't no way I'm using such a thing, bonnie! Lip balms and such are made for wee lasses like you, not for demolition experts like me!"
You roll your eyes at his badly constructed argument and give him an unimpressed look when an idea pops into your mind.
"You stay right here, I'll be back in a jiffy!"
"What even is a jiffy?"
But you don't bother to answer as you head towards the bedroom, looking for the cherry-flavoured lip balm you bought specifically for the cold season. With precise movements, you apply a thick layer on your lips, smacking your lips to check if the cherry flavour is strong enough to linger. It fortunately is.
So you hurry into the hallway where Soap's waiting for you, hands on his hips as he angles his head in your direction. If he notices that your lips have just got shinier, he doesn't mention it
Instead, he leans in to properly kiss you goodbye this time, eyes comically widening when you deepen the kiss and make it last longer than usually
A small chuckle leaves his lips as you cup his cheeks in your hand and place a small kiss on the top of his nose
"How about we continue this when I come home?", he smiles at the ticklish sensation of your lips against his skin, the constant stinging of his own being forgotten for the moment
"Is that a promise, Sergeant?"
He has a hard time leaving home that day, the drive to the base being plagued by thoughts of you and how much you care for him. His lips have been chapped ever since spending the last two weeks on a mission that required him to be on constant watches in freezing temperatures. He eventually got used to it, the cracks and fissures becoming familiar from the countless times he dragged his tongue over lips, in a hopeless attempt to soothe the pain radiating from them
He does not realise that he is currently doing the same thing, his brain temporarily freezing as it detects a new, yet familiar aroma
Why do his lips taste like cherries?
He remains in the car, long after he's parked, his mind deep in thought as he runs his tongue over his lips once more, partially scared that he'll make the mysterious taste go away if he's too insistent. He does not see Ghost approaching his car from the back and actually flinches when he hears someone pounding on the window.
"D'you lock yourself in here, Johnny? The briefing's about to start in five and you haven't even geared up yet!"
"Bloody hell, you should really do something about your lips- they look like cracked desert earth or something…"
"Did not take you for a poet, L.T."
"Never said I was."
He is in the middle of the briefing when he figures out the source of the mystery taste. It all starts to make sense - the quick detour you had to take, the passionate kiss. He has to give it to you - you could do anything you put your mind to.
Because, besides the compelling taste, the chapstick you must have used started to have a soothing effect on his lips, the stinging becoming more bearable with every passing moment
He spends the rest of the day struggling to make the cherry flavour last longer, but it eventually fades out after he's forced to drink water. A small pout etches itself into his face and he starts to regret not listening to you.
The moment he comes home, he's in the bedroom, unscrewing the cap of every lip balm and smelling it before trying to place it back exactly as it was
You silently linger in the doorway, an amused smile creeping across your face as your fingers shift with the cherry-flavoured lip balm. Soap is so distracted by his covert operations task that he does not hear you trying to contain your chuckles.
"I believe you are looking for this?"
He is quick to snatch the small tube from your hands before bringing it closer to his nose and drawing a deep breath in. You shake your head in exasperation, a loud laugh escaping your lips as he clumsily tries to rub the chapstick across his lips.
"Love, you're doing it wrong! You might break it if you apply that much pressure!"
"Here, let me help you!"
Ends up insisting you order a batch just for him.
In just days, his lips go from cracked and fissured to soft and plump, perfect for the customary morning kiss
Sergeant Kyle "Gaz" Garrick - vanilla and stained teeth
Combat training is fun and games until you are paired up with someone like Ghost, Soap, or Gaz and get your ass handed to you
Lucky you, today Gaz is the person who slams your back on the hard mattress and pins your hands above your head, interlocking your feet with his
Your mind replays the steamy events of last night and you can't help but give him a suggestive smirk which is quickly followed by a toothy grin upon seeing the blush that spreads on his face
He shakes his head in disbelief, not letting go of your arms or feet. Instead, he leans forward, cocks his head and openly stares at you
"Darling, you've got lipstick on your teeth!"
You comically widen your eyes and try to bring your hands to your mouth, struggling to escape his firm grip, but to no avail.
"'m n't s'ppos'd to we'r lipstick 't w'rk", you try to mumble with your mouth closed while your tongue is running over your teeth, looking for any traces of lipstick.
"Ok, has it gone now?", you open your mouth and practically bar your teeth at him, frowning at his unreadable expression. "Gaz- you're scaring m-"
Before you finish your sentence, he smashes his lips against yours and it takes all you have not to whimper when you feel his tongue repeatedly swiping over your teeth
Once he breaks up the kiss, he makes a show of checking you up, his thumb slowly tracing the outline of your lips
"Yeah, I think I got it all…"
You roll your eyes at the shit-eating grin he's sporting as he runs his tongue over his lips and freezes, his jaw going slack
"Why am I tasting vanilla? Are you tasting vanilla?"
You try to give him an answer, but before being able to say a word, his lips are back on yours and he is kissing you hard and long, his hold remaining as firm as before
"Alright, lovebirds - go get a room before I cite you for public indecency!"
Upon hearing Captain Price, your combat instincts kick back in and you manage to push Gaz off of you, switching position, so that you are atop him, pinning him to the ground
"Sorry, Captain! We'll go back to training!", you call out to him, offering him an apologetic smile which he accepts with a subtle nod.
"Next time you wear that lipstick, let a man know!"
"It screams you need someone to kiss it better"
#call of duty headcanons#call of duty mwii#call of duty imagine#cod ghost#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#ghost mw2#ghost x you#simon ghost x reader#task force 141#task force 141 x reader#task force 141 x y/n#task force 141 headcanons#john price x reader#captain john price#ghost fluff#soap x reader#soap mw2#john soap mactavish#price x reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#gaz mw2
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the side that's not talked bout much: anxious about their dream life being in the physical world
as many of y'all know, i speak from experience. and many of y'all (including myself a few days ago) probably have wondered, "how are there i am state bloggers who preach about pure consciousness being so 'easy' to induce when they haven't even manifested their dream lives?"
my personal reasons were becuz: 1. i was procrastinatin HEAVY TIME and 2. cuz i was anxious about actually having my dream life in the physical world.
this isn't just to pity this end of the spectrum, but to tell anyone who can relate is that i get it. i know how you feel. you read a lot of success stories and you wonder when will you ever send yours. ik it may seem overwhelming to get that dream life within this very hour, but if you ain't gonna do it now, i'm sure you'd wish you did when things get harder.
you don't deserve to feel insecure about yourself. you don't deserve to live in this house that can be blown down by the wisp of someone's breath. you don't deserve to continue hearing, "we don't have the money," or, "where we're getting the money from?" you don't deserve to have more bed rotting vacations knowing that the sky is the limit for opportunities. you don't deserve to feel sad about your parent/s not being able to buy lil luxuries cuz they got bills, groceries, and gas to worry about. you don't have to be sad about not going to the Maldives, Bora Bora, Jamaica or South Korea for your upcoming birthday. you don't deserve to have another boring Christmas. you don't deserve to look at others for their things and be sad that you don't physically have them, when you can within this very hour. you don't deserve to continue daydreaming about your dream life and becoming disappointed when something unfavourable pops up in this physical world. you don't deserve any of this ❤
but, pleaseee, i am telling you. GET THAT DREAM LIFE!!! YOU'VE PROCRASTINATED LONG ENOUGH!YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND DO IT NOWW!! NO MORE LATERS!!
forget the "what if i fail? 😭😣"......okk?? and you're going to take notes and not repeat the same mistakes next time even if you "failed". real failing is completely giving up, and that's NOT what this community is on‼️💪🏽
and honestly, this is also to appreciate @salemlunaa 💞‼️
i felt the need to write this, cuz ik there are persons who can relate to these feelings, and prolly needed a little sign or sumthing. reading @/salemlunaa's posts definitely helped me realise that i don't have to keep pitying myself any longer and i don't need to 🤦🏽♀️. my family deserve to live a restful life and so do i. no more procrastinatin 🙅🏽♀️
#b4ddprincess#i am state#pure consciousness#manifesting dream life#desired life#void state#the void state#3d reality#3d#4d reality#4d#state of consciousness#anxious about dream life#manifest#manifesation#anxiety
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boyfriend!dazai who…
a/n : for my love @perfectlyjollyland who requested this ages ago but i didn’t see until recently because i only pay attention to my inbox! im so sorry ill be checking comments too next time, hope you’re well! <3
a/n : also i hope you’re okay with the pre-boyfriend/before boyfriend part, i just thought that’d be cute i love lovesick!dazai sooo much.. more boyfriend dazai under the cut!!
chuuyas version | atsushis version
dividers used belong to @/benkeibear
masterlist | taglist | main page
pre-boyfriend!dazai who at the start asks you for a double suicide (as per usual), but when you give him the cutest smile and giggle and say no, he knows he’s too deep in now.
pre-boyfriend!dazai who becomes head over heels when he first meets you and now has a new mission, making you reciprocate those feelings.
pre-boyfriend!dazai who loves the cliches, the random ‘anonymous’ love notes on your desk when you’re at work or the random flowers delivered to your workplace/home - he loves it all.
pre-boyfriend!dazai who respects your boundaries if you were to tell him to lay off or if he was making you uncomfortable.
pre-boyfriend!dazai who finally gives up..gives up throwing hints and just decides to take his shot.
“So..say, if a handsome stranger who’s kind of not a stranger since you know him as an acquaintance asks you out because he’s given up with all of the deadpanned hints he’s been giving you for the past few months but he’s kind of scared of being rejected..what would you say?”
You stare him with a few blinks as he looks at you with a great smile on his face, although you can see subtle drops of sweat dripping down the side of his temple.
"..Is this said handsome stranger you, perchance?”
Dazai let’s out a single laugh, placing his hands on his hips.
“Ha! How bold of you, though..I am charmed your first thought of this handsome stranger would be me, bella~” He coyly smirks, closing his eyes in what you can’t tell is either pride or suspense.
You furrow your eyebrows with a little smile, fixing up your paperwork as you place them on the desk. “No, I just figured since it was you who’s been leaving such persistent and eager notes on my desk as of late.”
You watch his expression slightly change as he lets out a cough of embarrassment, locking eyes with you now.
“Well..” He starts, then gives up halfway through.
“..Is it a yes?”
pre-boyfriend!dazai who not only is taken by surprise by your response, but his heart does a few jumps in joy as his efforts became a success, making him now your boyfriend.
boyfriend!dazai who has his hand down your back pocket whenever you two are walking together.
boyfriend!dazai who’s love language is both physical touch and acts of service, always having his hands on you in the littlest way and also providing the most he can to his s/o.
boyfriend!dazai who has the reputation of being quite the flirtatious one, gives it up to his precious s/o.
boyfriend!dazai who googles cheesy and dirty pickup lines to try and rizz you with, always ending them in a winky face.
boyfriend!dazai who sends you little messages every day now that he has your number, little words of affirmations and talks to get you ready for your days.
boyfriend!dazai who if he had a tiktok account he’d make slideshows of you two and repost videos of couples relating to you two.
boyfriend!dazai who you spend all of your holidays with, especially christmas and new years.
boyfriend!dazai who practically lives at your house now, but nobody’s complaining.
boyfriend!dazai who has a box of every little thing you’ve given him, so when he’s feeling down he can look at it and smile.
boyfriend!dazai who tries to keep you away from his past, to protect you from the ugly truth.
boyfriend!dazai who opens up about oda, not all of it but most of it since he believes oda would’ve liked you.
boyfriend!dazai who takes you to the places he has the fondest memories in. the lupin bar, the art gallery, the agency.
boyfriend!dazai who appreciates the little things, as he’s not someone who can afford much he tries to give you the best he can.
boyfriend!dazai who always argues that he loves you more trying to get the last word and when you think you have it, you hear a little mumble of “I love you more” as you walk away.
boyfriend!dazai who loves your hands, tracing the lines of your palm and fingers and creating little shapes on them makes him feel at peace.
boyfriend!dazai who can be possessive but in a good way, he has good reasons to be possessive.
boyfriend!dazai who when he sees someone give you a half lidded smirk or bedroom eyes, he gives them a deadly stare that could imprint on their skull as he wraps an arm around your waist.
boyfriend!dazai who constantly babbles on about you at work with the agency, always telling Atsushi about the cutest things that you did the night before or what you did the day before that.
“Ahh..and the way they just clench their fists at their sides when they are angry with me! Ah~ I could melt..”
“That’s..really nice, Dazai-san..”
“Oh! And the way they grab my hand so tightly when we’re in public ahhh~ I could melt!”
“D-dazai-san..-“
“Ahhh, and the way the-“
boyfriend!dazai who ends up with about 14 wounds all over his body because of kunikidas beatings..kunikida says he’s lucky it wasn’t 15.
boyfriend!dazai who you take care of at his lowest.
boyfriend!dazai who sometimes can’t understand why you put up with him, but you reassure him with words and kisses all over his face.
boyfriend!dazai who peppers your face with kisses back and gives you a small smile despite how sad he can feel.
boyfriend!dazai who watches the fireworks with you and doesn’t think of going out just as beautifully because why would he let such a precious thing slip out of his hands like that?
boyfriend!dazai who doesn’t care about himself or his mental health, but cares the most about yours.
boyfriend!dazai who once felt like he was drowning, but then found his light to the surface who has a smile of diamonds and a heart of gold.
TAGLIST : @hauntedsol @hopefulpain @forgotten-blues @ruru-kiss @texas-bitch-yee @lvstyangel @thetizzler @is-therelife-onmars @atlasnessie @101strawberries101 @reesesnieces @suzurans-world @mackereland-slug @heartsfourdazai @iratherowan @onlinewhisper14 @nomnomventi
white = unable to be tagged :(
@/riiwrites - reblogs are highly appreciated ❤︎︎
#𝐫𝐢𝐢𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 ༄#dazai headcanons#dazai osamu x reader#bungo stray dogs dazai#osamu dazai x reader#bsd dazai osamu#dazai#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai bsd#bungou stray dogs dazai#dazai osamu#dazai x reader fluff#dazai x fem reader#dazai x you#dazai x y/n#dazai x male reader#dazai x gn!reader#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader
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I hope the person on tiktok who said tht it's okay halloween sucked this year bc it's a christmas year knows tht they have absolutely fucking REVOLUTIONIZED my life. halloween is my main reason for living and I am coping w how badly I blundered it by making christmas my everything rn. genuinely I think this mindset will cure all of my ills.
#JUST for clarification the tiktok said that christmas and halloween take turns#this year is a christmas year next year is a halloween year and the cycle repeats like this forever#anyways ive become my own worst enemy and have decided to listen to christmas music in november bc i hate thanksgiving anyways#this will fix me i just know it#i am speaking
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I rarely post, but this is soemthing personal for me. I've spent a good portion of this year working on my first "product" as a maker. This is an amiibo shelf I've designed and made entirely myself!
https://lychansubscribe.etsy.com
I used mosou black for the black hole effect
Used acrylic rods to act as a light pump for the floaty bits orbiting the black hole
And a LOOOOT of LEDs
Please consider buying one as they become available! They'd make an amazing gift for anyone who likes smash brothers or amiibo in general
UPDATE 11/24/2023: Finally back in stock! Also, forgot to mention the blue parts are actually color shift as well.
Update 12/25/2023 spent all of Christmas resupplying the store. Ive been covering all My costs, but not by enough to have a surplus of materials. It also takes several hours to assemble each one. With all that in mind I will be raising the price on these going into next year. However the 5 I put together now will go for the current price. So if you've been thinking about it this is your last chance before the price increases a bit. I know a lot of people have favorited it so I wanted to make one last batch before I raised the price so no one feels like they missed out.
Hopefully I'll be able to have some new designs in the shop early next year as well!
Update 02/18/2024
Wow! It's been a minute, Ive been resdesigning the internal components to make everything easier and faster to assemble, unfortunately the current batch succeeded in the exact opposite of that! I've also replaced the little screw-on connector as seen in the video with a more polished looking barrel Plug receiver and found a new printer for my backgrounds to make them scratch resistant. I have 4 fully assembled and available for sale as of today and I have a few left to assemble in this batch.
Update 6/6/2024
Went to Romania to meet my extended family. But I am back and have more shelves in stock!
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Eras of Us- Era 3: Ugh Oh, I'm Falling in Love (Taylor Swift X Morgan!Reader)
Eras of Us master list
This is the Era where they're falling in love, learning more about each other, and how to navigate their relationships with their friends and families.
warning- Sexual content in this chapter.
Author's note: Hey everyone, i'm so sorry this took so long. theres just a lot of stuff in this chapter that i really wanted to get right. I hope you enjoy it! let me know what you think. comments are literally my favorite thing.
February 2017 'Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of
As it turned out, being Taylor’s girlfriend was far easier than you imagined it would be. It wasn’t all that much different than when the two of you were just friends, actually.
You two still texted continuously, now each message was dotted with a heart or a little kiss. You two still talked on the phone all of the time, though you had developed a bad habit of falling asleep on late-night calls with her.
The only thing that had really changed was that now the photos you sent her were slightly more… suggestive on purpose.
And now you actually got to kiss her, which was fun, except you had barely seen her since you two started dating.
Between the holidays and dealing with your shitty agent about yet another fucked up trade, you hadn’t had time to fly to her, and she had been tied up with her family and recording her new album to fly to you. But the two of you made due (ie falling asleep on the phone with her nearly every night).
It still sucked you wouldn’t get to see her until after January camp. At least you only had 1 more game to play in.
“Hurry up you two,” Rose called over her shoulder, idly swinging Emily’s hand next to her.
You groaned, adjusting your grip on Mal’s legs as her arms squeezed more tightly around your neck. “It’s not my fault this koala demanded a piggyback ride,”
Mal had been insanely clingy since the start of camp, draping herself all over you at every opportunity. It wasn’t something you noticed at first, but it had become so constant, that it was beginning to grate on your patience.
Especially after she interrupted you every time you tried to talk to Taylor. The only moment you had gotten alone was at 3 am, and you had been too drowsy to do more than stare at her.
“I’m not that heavy ducky,” Mal hugged, pinching your ear.
“No, but it’s been like 2 miles,” You huffed, tilting your head away from her, and picking up your pace so you were even with Rose and Emily.
Emily rolled her eyes at you. “And whose fault is that?”
You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back. “Cheney said they have the best mochas,”
“And it’ll make it very hard for Alex to beat you this week,” Rose snorted, gesturing towards the shiny watch on your wrist. “If you’re gonna make us take a hike to a coffee shop, you should at least be honest with why we’re taking it,”
“She should be more active in her rest time,” You said, earning another eye roll as the four of you finally made it to the cafe Cheney had mentioned when you talked to her over the holidays.
It was just a bonus that Alex would need to find 4 extra exercise miles to match you in her stupid little app. It’s what she had done to you with Kelley’s family’s stupid 10 mile Christmas morning hike after all. You had to go on a beach run to make up for it.
“Or maybe you should be less competitive,” Emily grumbled, holding the door open for you and Mal to walk through. Her gaze stayed glued out the door even after you stepped through.
You rolled your eyes. “And what fun would that be?”
You dropped Mal’s legs as you got in line next to Rose, and she landed on her feet, but she didn’t let go of your neck like you had hoped she would.
“We would be behind in the practice scrimmages against the vets too,” You added as you turned your attention to the menu above the cashier.
There weren’t any… normal drinks. They all had fancy names, so you had to read the description to figure out what the fuck it was. You sighed internally, deciding that you absolutely shouldn’t have listened to Cheney, because long complicated descriptions like delectable dark roast, mixed with Dutch hand-made chocolate ganache, and essence of citrus aurantium topped with creamy dreamy whipped cream and powdered orange blossoms: written out in small, tight together cursive was going to take you forever to decipher.
Especially with the way all the L’s and E’s kept flipping places, and how Mal kept shifting your entire body each time she moved.
You were going to have a headache by the time you actually made it through the menu.
“Ok, those guys are totally following us,”
You blinked in the direction of Emily’s voice, and away from the migraine-inducing menu. You followed her hand to where she was pointing at two men wearing aviators sitting at a stable near the back of the café.
The one facing you was older, with dark salt and pepper hair, wearing a leather jacket, while the other was younger and blonde with his back to you.
It made you roll your eyes again.
Tony and Zach had been your shadows since you and Taylor started dating. You saw them outside your apartment building in Chicago, and ran into them everywhere you went, even when you attended a Bears game against the Chiefs.
You could tell that they were trying to be discrete since you had brought up the issue with Taylor the first week you noticed them, but it was still annoying that she wouldn’t budge on her stance.
“I’ll take care of it,” You grumbled, carefully untangling yourself from Mal’s grasp, ignoring the high-pitched whine she let out at being displaced. “Just order me the closest thing to a mocha please,”
At least now you didn’t have to read the menu.
You ignored the feeling of their eyes on your back as you walked up to the table your two bodyguards were sitting at, knocking on the wood when you were close enough. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t need a babysitter,”
“I prefer the term watchman,” Tony hummed, barely even looking at you.
Zach nodded. “Watchmen is a much better term,”
You glared at the blonde man, before turning back to Tony. “I prefer that you don’t follow me around and creep out my friends,”
Tony paused, lifting a finger to shift his aviators down to the end of his nose so he could peer at you over the rim of them. “We’ll try to be more discreet,”
You shook your head. “No. You will stop following me,”
“Can’t. Bosses orders,” Tony shrugged, readjusting his aviators back over his eyes. “And frankly, the team doesn’t have enough security,”
Your glare deepened. “Because no one knows who the fuck we are,”
“Still, I shouldn’t have been able to get your room number from the front desk receptionist,” He countered. “or have Zach get into the changing room at the practice field,”
“Normal people don’t do that shit,” You grit back.
His point proved nothing.
No fan was trying to sneak into your locker room to leave notes in your cubby and no other people had interest in your room number.
Sure, the note and the peanut butter cookies Taylor had delivered to your room were cool, but two men staking out every place you went certainly was not. Not when Emily wouldn’t shut up about your mysterious friend being in the mob because now you had people following you.
She couldn’t give up on the angle, going so far that even Mal was annoyed with her.
You had been annoyed 5 weeks ago when she brought the idea up for the first time during New Year's when she spotted them after you came out of a fried chicken place in Atlanta.
Tony sighed, fixing his leather jacket.“If you're really insistent about this, you know who you need to take it up with. Otherwise, I think Ms. Sonnett, Ms. Pugh, and Ms. Lavelle have finished ordering,”
It irritated you that he always referred to your friends so formally, even if he had never met them.
“I will,” You grit out, already pulling your phone out of your pocket. “Because you two are ridiculous,”
Tony made a face, dipping his aviators to peer at you again. “And Taylor is ridiculous for caring about your safety?”
You opened and closed your mouth several times. That wasn’t fair.
Tony slid his glasses back into place as a waitress brought them 2 coffees.
Your jaw clenched and you didn’t your best not to glare at the smug way he sipped the steaming glass. You hadn’t even seen them order.
“Your friends have chosen a table,” He hummed, tilting his head to where Emily, Mal, and Rose were all staring at you with wide eyes.
“This isn’t the end of this conversation,” You muttered, grabbing one of the 3 chocolate chip cookies that had been delivered with their coffee.
“We will try to be more discreet,” Zach said, passing you a napkin.
You took a bite of your cookie. “You better,”
“We’ll do our best,” Tony chuckled, gesturing towards your friends with his chin again. “Go enjoy your overly fancy coffee,”
You made a low noise, turning on your heel and heading back over to your friends, who were overtly staring at the men now.
“You’re in the mob right?” Emily asked before you were even fully seated in the chair next to Mal.
You didn’t reply, instead breaking the cookie into 3 and passing the larger part to Rose for her and Emily to share and the other to Mal, who was already wrapping herself around you again.
“Emily stop,” The forward whined loudly in your ear as she took the cookie.
“Oh come on, just answer the question,” Emily said, her lips pulling into a teasing grin. “it’s totally obvious,”
“I’m not in the mob,” You grumbled, taking a sip of your coffee and frowning.
You liked mochas, they were your go-to order, but this one had caramel in it, and was far too sweet. You would drink it anyway though, because one of your friends had paid for it.
Rose leaned forward in her chair, resting crossed arms on the table in front of her conspiratorially. “Then why was our coffee already paid for?”
You frowned, your cup hitting the table with a low thud. “What?”
“I gave them my name and she said someone had already paid for us,” Rose said, her voice low.
Your eyebrows pulled more tightly together. “Who?”
“Someone named Athena,” Rose wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes.
It had been Taylor. Of course, it was her, she had even sent the goons she had following you coffees and an extra cookie.
Of course that was the name Taylor used.
She had been making fun of her nickname since she found out that it was her contact name in her phone, and you blushed through your explanation that she was a goddess and the smartest person you knew.
“See, totally a mob boss name,” Emily said accusingly, gesturing wildly with her hands. “who else would call themselves Athena,”
You were afraid that if you rolled your eyes again they would fall out of your head, so you refrained.
No matter how good it would have felt.
You pulled away from Mal and wrestled your phone out of your pocket. You flipped to your messages, ignoring the one aptly named Athena for now, opening the thread you shared with Alex to get it to stop buzzing.
Alexandria🐬: Did you have to walk to a coffee shop across the city? Haven’t you ever heard of an Uber?
MiniMorgs: Wanted to get some fresh air, and Cheney recommended it
Alexandria🐬: More like you wanted to win this week’s challenge. Was it worth the walk?
MiniMorgs: I didn’t have to read the overly complicated menu, so yes. #dyslexic problems
Alexandria🐬: LoL. Maybe we should get you yellow-tinted glasses to help with that
MiniMorgs: Whatever. Good luck catching up on miles
Alexandria🐬:🖕🏻
Another coffee cup landed in front of you with a clink, and you blinked up from your phone at the waitress.
You frowned up at her. “Ugh, thanks?”
You hadn’t ordered another coffee.
“The person who paid for your order also asked us to make an extra mocha, no caramel, no whipped cream, and no sweetening syrup,” The young girl explained quickly, her hands fidgeting in front of her. “it also comes with a heart and a little winky face,”
“Oh, thanks,” You sent her a genuine smile, the dimple on your left cheek poking out just a bit.
She blushed.
“No problem,” she said, turning away from you and your friends very quickly before practically running back to the counter.
You didn’t watch her as she left, instead sipping your new coffee and sighing in content.
It was exactly what you wanted. The perfect cup of coffee if you did say so yourself.
You glanced back down at your phone, flipping through your messages to the one labeled Athena👸🏼
Thanks for the coffee. It’s much better than the sugary shit Emily ordered.
“Do you have to flirt with every woman you see?” Mal scoffed, placing more of her weight on you as she draped her arms over your shoulders.
You grunted, slipping your phone in your pocket and adjusting in your seat so she didn’t knock you over. “I wasn’t flirting, I was just being nice,”
You practically felt her roll her eyes as Emily snorted across from you.
“What? I was!” You bit out, your voice dripping in incredulity.
“You used the smile you use when you’re trying to get into someone’s pants,” Mal hummed, her lips caressing the shell of your ear as her hand dipped its way under the hem of your Alexia Putellas Barça jersey. “I would know,”
You jerked away from her, nearly spilling your coffee. Your chair squeaked as you pushed away, creating space between the two of you.
You didn’t want her touching you.
Not like you had in the past.
There was a time when you craved her touch. Where you twisted yourself into knots to be worthy of her affection.
You allowed yourself to get closer to her than you had to anyone else, and in the end she had decided that you still weren’t good enough.
She decided that you would never be good enough for her. Not like Dansby was. But even after that you had pined after every little scrap of care she sent you, and you allowed yourself to believe that it was all you deserved.
That it was real.
Even in your short time with Taylor, you knew that real was something very different. She didn’t make you feel like you were always making up for something. Like you had to earn her care.
She made you feel worthy and had butterflies flapping in your chest. She made you feel seen, even before you were together, and you wouldn’t do anything to put that in jeopardy.
“Whoa, easy there,” Emily chuckled. “Didn't think you were so sensitive to the mention of your history,”
You shifted uncomfortably, fixing the edge of your jersey.
“Just tickled me,” You muttered, taking another sip of your coffee as Mal didn’t even hesitate to wrapped herself around you again.
You ignored the knowing look Rose sent you, and cleared your throat. “We should probably head back though. Think you can walk on your own this time?”
You gently elbowed Mal, sending Emily a cheeky grin when she wiggled her eyebrows.
Mal sighed heavily, her lips returning to near your ear. “I don’t think so. I think I still need a piggyback,”
You huffed at her pouted words, shoving your extra coffee cup into her hands as you stood. “You have to carry the cups though,”
“Deal!” She cheered, already trying to climb on your back.
You didn’t have the heart (or the stomach) to tell her that you didn’t want to carry her back. You couldn’t when it made her light up so much.
“You’re such a pushover,” Rose muttered as she held the café door open for you.
You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back.
You were a people pleaser to your core, and you couldn’t help that. Mal was your friend and you liked to make her happy.
Taylor would understand.
*****
You were sweating your ass off by the time you made it back to the team hotel, and your legs felt like you had just played 90 minutes.
You supposed walking 4 miles with a fully grown forward on your back would do that to you, and the detours Emily kept taking because of the “Mob Guys” following you made the journey more like 6. Dawn was not going to be pleased, and you felt like you needed a recovery day to recover from your recovery day.
You dropped Mal’s legs as you stepped into the welcome AC of the lobby, ignoring her yelp at the move.
“I’m done being your pack Mule,” You muttered, breathing hard. “Use your own damn legs,”
“Not a mule. A graceful stallion,” Mal hummed, leaning in and placing a kiss on your cheek before she skipped off. “Thanks for the ride,”
She missed your eye roll. But Kelley didn’t. “Coming on a bit strong, isn't she?”
You blinked at Kelley, pulling your sunglasses up to rest in your wavy curls, taking in the way she was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Don’t they always?”
“You didn't have a friends-with-benefits relationship with most of the people who hit on you,” Kelley shrugged.
You made a sound low in your throat, scratching the back of your neck. “I’m not interested in continuing that,”
You didn’t know she knew about that.
“I know,” Kelley nodded, her hand landing warm and grounding on your shoulder. “You’re interested in burrito girl,”
You hummed.
You were more than just interested in Taylor, and Kelley knew that. She had been getting regular updates after she talked you off the ledge the morning after, and it was kinda nice to get to share with someone.
Kelley shifted again, and you scratched harder at the back of your neck as a very uncomfortable silence settled over you.
“I didn’t bring you coffee,” You said, finally looking at her.
Your eyebrows pulled tightly together. She was spinning the ring on her forefinger more rapidly than you had ever seen, and shifting like she was… nervous.
“I know,” She said, her eyes flicking up to meet your blue before rapidly looking away. “Can we chat though?”
You frowned. “What’s up?”
Kelley bit her lip and led you over to an isolated meeting room, closing the door behind you.
She took a steadying breath like she was stealing herself as she turned to look at you. “I’m going to ask your sister to marry me,”
You stared at her, your mouth dropping open at her words.
She was going to ask your sister to marry her.
Her and Alex were going to get married.
But weren’t they practically married already? They had been together since you were 10. They lived together, had 2 dogs and were actively looking for a team to transfer to together.
You shouldn’t have been surprised, but you were. So you did what you always did when you were caught off guard.
You painted a playful smirk on your face, wiggling your eyebrows. “Alex right? Because I don’t think Jen or Jerry will react well,”
Kelley sighed. “I’m being serious. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I love her,”
You raised an eyebrow at her, your smirk melting a little. “Ok, and?”
She spun her ring a little faster. “I’m not asking your permission, but-“
“You want my blessing or some shit?” You cut her off, your eyebrows furrowing impossibly deeper. “Jesus Kell, her and I haven’t had a proper conversation since I was like 12. My opinion doesn’t matter,”
You actively avoided conversations with your sister. She barely knew anything about the adult version of yourself.
There was no way she could care what you thought about her marrying Kelley.
Kelley shook her head, closing the distance between you and catching your hand. “I think your opinion is one of the only ones she cares about,”
Her voice went very soft, and you swallowed hard. You weren’t at a place to consider what she meant. You couldn't deal with all of the baggage that came with the implications.
Yes, you were fairly content to interact with her through the stupid app the two of you competed on, but that was nothing deeper than just that. A competition.
It didn’t mean anything. Not like Kelley was assuming it meant.
You shook your head, swallowing down your feelings and locking them into a little box in the center of your chest.
“She might be my sister, but I’ll kick her ass if she hurts you. Or says no, even though she’s not going to say no. She loves you. I guess I’ll kick your ass too if you hurt her so don’t,” You said softly, drawing up the courage to meet Kelley’s eyes again.
A brilliant smile broke across her face, and her eyes lit up like the two of you had just won the World Cup. “I promise I won’t kid,”
“Good,” You ran a hand through your hair, sucking in a long breath through your nose. “Is there anything else?”
“Don’t you want to know how I’m going to do it?” Kelley asked, her eyebrows furrowing.
Your shoulders lifted and fell.
Maybe a part of you cared about whatever romantic thing Kelley had planned for her, but the larger part just… wasn’t interested. It wasn’t like you were involved in Alex’s life. You didn’t get to see the ins and outs of her relationship with Kelley, and that was your own choice. If you got too close, you knew you would get hurt.
You had before anyway.
“As long as it’s not during or directly after sex, I think it’ll be fine,” You huffed out, covering your wavering curiosity.
Kelley rolled her eyes. “I’m going to do it when we go to New York. I have a reservation for the top of the Empire State Building,”
“That’ll be pretty,” You hummed, your voice going soft.
You knew how much your older sister loved city lights. It was nearly as much as she loved to look at the stars.
When the two of you were young, you would sit on the roof outside of her window for hours staring at the sky, naming the constellations. It was what got you so into Greek mythology after all. You wondered if she still remembered all of the stories.
“She loves the lights,” Kelley agreed, watching you carefully. “We’re going to have dinner after. Jen and Jerrie will be there,”
You nodded. “I’ll be there too,”
“Excellent,” Kelley’s smile just got wider.
“Yeah,” You said, trailing off and looking towards the door. “I told Alyssa I’d watch film with her before the game tomorrow, so are we done?”
Kelley chuckled, not at all surprised that you wanted to escape this conversation. “Wouldn’t want to keep the head of the Department of Defense waiting,”
You always pulled away when your family was mentioned, and that habit was only magnified when emotions were also involved.
“Nope,” You muttered, practically running towards the door.
She wished things were different.
Alex was making the steps to bridge the gap in your relationship, and for the first time in a long time, you seemed willing to meet her halfway. Neither of them were sure exactly what had caused the rift, or why you had always been so… reluctant to let her fix it. Or to talk about it in general.
She hoped that the little steps would actually lead to something this time. She hoped that you would let your walls down. She hoped that you would actually let yourself be happy.
*****
Rain pounded down around you as you tracked the ball across midfield.
Games like this were your favorite.
The USWNT was up by 4 and there was only 30 seconds of stoppage time left. You had a goal and 2 assists and you had played incredibly well. It was 75 degrees so the rain was like the mist from a shower, warm and comfortable.
It let you take your mind off of the stupid phone call that had come just before you loaded up the bus to head to the stadium. It drowned out Roary Dame’s voice explaining that you were a great play, just not what they needed.
Explaining that he had put your name in the trading block for the highest draft pick they could get. So they could finally have their star striker because you were the wrong Morgan for that.
This game made you feel… good. It made you feel powerful.
You smiled at Sam as she came to a stop beside you.
Alex and Mal were getting ready to take a time-wasting corner to end the game, and you and Sam were just there in case Jamaica got a counter opportunity.
“Emily says you’re in the mob now,” She said conversationally. “And that you have two huge dudes following you around,”
You rolled your eyes. “I’m not in the mob,”
“But you do have 2 dudes following you,” She asked, tilting her head to the mouth of the tunnel where Zach and Tony were huddled under an umbrella.
They were right, it was kinda scary how far they could get without any real security clearance. They shouldn’t have been able to get into the stadium, much less on the field, but here they were.
“I have a very overprotective friend,” You muttered as the ref blew the signature three whistles to signal the end of the game. You paused before you ran off.
Taylor wasn’t your friend, she was something much much more. You didn’t feel right calling her a friend.
You turned back to Sam, scratching the wet hairs off the back of your neck. “Well, a very protective more than a friend,”
A smile broke across her features, and you couldn’t help but match it. “Don’t mention that to anyone though,” You added, suddenly nervous that she would tell the team, and then the rumor mill would start.
You weren’t ready to answer questions about Taylor yet. Or to listen to your teammates tease you. You also didn’t want to share her yet.
Sam winked at you. “Your secret is safe with me,”
“Thanks,” You said, heading towards the tunnel, pausing at a young girl waving a soaked-through Morgan sign a few feet away from the tunnel.
You could see a big 13 painted on the sign, so you knew it wasn’t meant for you, but still it was your name too.
“Hey, I like your sign,” You hummed, flashing the girl a million-dollar smile, ignoring the phones pointed in your direction. “Even if it has the wrong number on it,”
The girl blushed deeply. “I like you too. I just wasn’t sure what number you would be wearing,”
It was a good excuse, you thought. Or it would have been over a year ago before you made the switch to number 12.
You hated when they pretended to give a shit about you just because you were the one standing in front of them. You knew the only Morgan they really cared about was your sister, and you wished they would just own it.
“Well thank ya,” You winked, ignoring her little lie. “I know it’s just because she’s a striker. Everyone loves a good goal scorer,”
The red in the girl's cheeks got even more pronounced, and your grin turned slightly wolfish. She didn’t hear the bitter note in your voice.
Everyone wanted the star striker, something you would never be.
“Do you have something you want me to sign?”
The girl shook her head, looking at her friend who also shook her head. The girl looked back at you, biting her lip.
“Can I get your jersey?” She asked hesitantly, and your smirk only got wider.
“I think I can do one better,” You said, turning back towards the field. Your eyes roved over the players until you found the one you were looking for.
“Hey Al,” You called out, cupping your hands over your face to amplify the sound.
Her head snapped in your direction, and you waved her over. You tried not to let it bother you that the girl's squeals got so much louder as she jogged over, a questioning smile on her face.
“What’s up?” She asked as soon as she was close enough, and you could hear the slight surprise in her voice. It was one of the first times you had actually spoken to her since last camp.
You tilted your head towards the fans beside you. “You’ve got a fan and you owe me because I beat you 5 weeks in a row,”
“And?” She raised an eyebrow at you.
“I’m cashing in,” You said, again tilting your head towards the fans. “She would like your jersey,”
Alex never took her eyes off of you as she stripped off her soaked-through jersey, and passed it to the girl. It was like she was trying to figure out what you were thinking. But she had lost the ability to read your mind years ago.
“Thanks,” You said, flashing her a grin and turning back towards the girl. “Now you’ve got the jersey you actually want,”
Alex’s lips pulled downward at the sarcasm in your tone, hidden by false cheeriness. It was the same tone you used when something was annoying you, but you didn’t know how (or have the courage) to vocalize it.
“Oh my god, thank you!” The girl cheered, looking at Alex instead of at you.
“Both of you,” She added quickly when Alex raised an eyebrow at her.
You waved her off, throwing a “No worries,” over your shoulder as you headed towards the tunnel to get out of the rain.
Alex waved at the girls too, sending them a smile before jogging off after you. There was something so… off about that interaction, and she wasn’t willing to let it go anymore.
Her and Kelley had discussed it, and while she understood the defender's advice to not push you. To let you come to her, she was tired of waiting.
The texting was nice, but it didn’t carry over to your real-life interactions and that was… frustrating. It wasn’t getting her anywhere.
She caught your arm as you rounded the corner to the locker room, spinning you on the spot and stepping into your space so you were pinned against the cold concrete wall of the tunnel, unable to run away this time.
“What the fuck was that all about?” She asked, keeping her voice level, even though the two of you were nose to nose.
Your eyes flashed up to meet hers, identical blue boring into yours. It made you feel like she could see into your soul. Like you were naked in front of her. You so badly wanted to look away but you couldn’t.
“She had a Morgan sign with a huge 13 on it, so I went to say hello,” You shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant, but Alex saw through it. “And they asked for a jersey, but I knew it wasn’t mine they wanted,”
There was something in your voice, in your posture that she couldn’t place.
“But they asked you for it?” She pressed, and your eyes flicked away from her as you gave her a barely perceptible nod.
“It would have been a consolation prize. They wanted yours,” You said, twisting your arm free and finally squeezing out from where you were trapped. “Everyone always wants yours,”
You muttered the last part under your breath as you tried to make your way down the hallway, but Alex heard you anyway.
She again caught your arm before you could walk away, again spinning you around to face her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing Alex,” You grumbled, shaking your head and again breaking her hold on you. “Just drop it,”
“No. I will not drop it,” She bit back, not letting you walk away from her. “I’ve been dropping it since you were 10 and look where it’s gotten us. I can’t fix something if I don’t understand what’s wrong,”
It was as if she let you leave. If she let you go before she understood you would be gone for good. You would lose the progress you had made.
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Fix it?”
What did Alex mean that she wanted to fix it? She didn’t have a Time Machine.
“Yes. Fix it,” She said, fighting to keep her volume low and her tone even. You didn’t respond well to exasperation. “We were so close and now it’s like we can’t even stand each other. I don’t want us to be this tense for the rest of our lives,”
You stared at her like she had 3 heads. There was nothing that she could do. No magic wand she could wave to change it.
The world preferred her over you, and they probably always would. You had learned from the time you were small that you weren’t worth as much as Alex was. You were invisible when she was there. You accepted it. The only person who didn’t make you feel that way was Taylor.
You shook your head. “There is nothing to fix Alex. You can’t do anything. Now let me go,”
Her face fell, and something broke in her eyes. It made your heart hurt, but it was the truth.
You twisted your arm out of her grasp and turned on your heel heading into the locker room. Alex stared after you, something you said gnawing in her brain.
Everyone always wants yours
It was nearly as bad as the “Now that everyone is watching you care. Now when it’s convenient” you gave her on the practice field in November.
She wasn’t sure what had happened between the two of you, or why you were so… frustratingly stubborn about allowing her to build a bridge over the mile-wide gap between you.
Your attitude shifting was also giving her whiplash. You seemed so… open over text. So willing to interact. She didn’t know how to navigate it all, and it seemed that you weren’t at all willing to help her.
“You good?”
Alex jumped at Kelley’s voice in her ear and gentle hands on her shoulders.
“No,” she shook her head, relaxing back into the defender's grasp.
Kelley hummed, and placed a kiss just below her ear, soothing her. “What happened?”
“Y/n called me over to give a girl my jersey, and then told her that she had the one she actually wanted,” Alex explained, frustration evident in her voice. “and when I asked, she told me that everyone always wants mine,”
“Al, we talked about this,” Kelley sighed, as your sister pulled away from her.
“I know,” Alex grumbled running a frustrated hand through her soaked hair.
They had many conversations about it. They both agreed that the best move was to take it slow. To let you dictate the pace, but neither of them expected you to be so… passive-aggressive.
Not when you let people push you too far because you didn’t know how to set limits, or you just pretended like they didn’t exist.
She didn’t know how to act when you went out of your way to interact with her and then tried to run away.
“But we never accounted for this,” She gestured wildly towards the locker room door. “She called me over,”
“And then you chased after her,” Kelley countered. “Because she told you a snippet of what’s bothering her that is supposed to make sense, but it doesn’t because you don’t have context. And you need to understand. I know,”
“She said I can’t fix it, Kell,” Alex’s voice finally broke, and Kelley was quick to pull the striker into her chest as her shoulders shook. “What am I supposed to do?”
Kelley closed her eyes, resting her cheek on the top of Alex’s head, holding her tightly.
She could see it from your side.
Alex had spent years unsure of how to bridge the ever-widening gap between you. You had spent years being compared to her, being crucified by the media for not being her, so it made sense for you to be wary. For you to try and protect yourself. What didn’t make sense was the hot and cold way you were going about it.
“I’ll talk to her,” Kelley said, holding your sister together as she crumbled. “But we need to take this at her pace. And that means one step at a time,”
*****
Slipping out of the locker room undetected was far easier than you expected it to be, but then again you had retreated to the showers long before most of the team was even off of the field. You hadn’t been planning to escape, but when the text came through on your phone, it was a no-brainer.
You smiled widely as you made the final turn down the tunnel, revealing Taylor leaning up against the large Visitors sign texting. “Fancy meeting you here, I thought you had album stuff,”
“Heard you didn’t like my henchmen,” She smirked, pushing herself off the wall and meeting you halfway. “So I thought I’d come to check on you myself,”
You nearly fell with the force of the hug, burying your face in her neck and squeezing her tightly to you. “I don’t like the henchmen. I don’t need babysitters,”
She hummed, leaning back just enough to look you in the eyes and brushing your wet curls out of your eyes. “You don’t need babysitters, but you do need protection. Let me be a little overprotective of you,”
You could feel her breath on your lips, and you couldn’t help but lean in and connect your mouths. Your hands slipped into the back pocket of her jeans and you squeezed lightly.
It was slightly scary how addicted to her you were. How you craved her touch.
She made a low sound in the back of her throat. One of her hands hooked into the hem of your sweats, and the other wove into the short curls at the back of your neck, pulling you tighter to her.
You stumbled forward molding yourself to her, as the kiss changed. Her tongue slipped into your mouth, running against yours, and you could feel her desire.
It didn’t surprise you. You knew what she wanted. What she expected. It was the same thing that every girl expected from you, so you just let it happen.
You let her pull you into the closet (unsure of how it appeared out of thin air, or where her shirt had suddenly disappeared to), pushing her against the only wall not covered in athletic equipment, and pinning her there with your hips.
Your lips dragged across her neck, and you longed to pull the velvety skin into your mouth. To place a mark, a claim out in the open where everyone could see. But you didn’t.
You trailed down to her collarbone, skimming your teeth along it as your hand slid into her pants, past her underwear, and through her warm wetness.
You couldn’t help the smirk that graced your features. “Is this all for me?”
“You’re hot when you play,” She keened as you teased at her entrance, gathering her slick on your middle finger. “And even hotter when you’re drenched and you kept pulling your shirt off to wipe the rain out of your eyes,”
You hummed, tracing her lower lips and brushing your middle finger across her clit. Her hips jolted, knocking into your thigh and it reminded you of how players always fought you for ball possession.
How they would press back into you while you tried to tap it through their legs. How they always bucked back to keep you from picking their pocket.
Taylor’s head hit the wall, and you worked your lips back up her neck, lingering on the underside of her jaw. “Please y/n,”
You hummed, dragging your teeth along her chin, and slipping your finger inside. She was warm and tight, squeezing your fingers as you dragged them against her walls.
Her hand tightened in the short curls at the base of your neck, while the other clawed at the bare skin of your shoulders.
She tasted like sweat and rain, and something just so Taylor.
It was like the sun on your face during the perfect practice, using your arm to wipe the sweat off your upper lip after you sank a ball past one of the keepers. It was like your teammates pulling you into tight hugs, running their fingers through your hair after you scored on a scorching summer day, their hands slipping through yours as they headed back to their starting positions.
She shuddered against you as you curled your fingers, finding the spongy patch inside of her, and you carefully ran your teeth across the special spot right below her ear.
It made you feel… powerful to have her so on edge already. Nearly as powerful as when you were 5 goals up on a team, or when a player couldn’t make it past you in midfield.
“Y/n,”
It was like playing with Mal, and how you knew where she was going to be before she moved, so you could pull the opposing players and set her up for a goal.
Except it was better. It was what you imagined scoring in the World Cup would feel like. Or assisting in a goal.
“Y/n,” Taylor panted, using the hand in your hair to tug you away from her neck.
“What baby?” you asked, glassy eyes blinking blearily up at her as you again curled your fingers.
Her head fell back and hit the wall with a thump. “Oh my god,” She moaned low in her throat, fighting to get out whatever she was saying. She swallowed hard, her hands keeping you from continuing your ministrations. “The door,”
As if on cue, three loud rasps sounded from the door just to your left. “I know you’re in there Y/n. We need to talk. Now,”
Your head fell forward and landed heavily on Taylor’s shoulder as you let out a groan at Kelley’s voice. “One second,”
Why did she always have to pick the wrong moment?
You pulled back, meeting Taylor’s eyes. “Just stay here,”
She nodded, sucking in a deep breath as you removed yourself from her, and ran your hand through your hair, trying to straighten your ever-messy curls. Your other hand fixed your rumpled shirt, and she frowned. She could have sworn you took yours off when you devested her of hers.
You opened the door just a crack, pushing your head out and glaring at Kelley. “What? I’m busy,”
Her eyebrows were pulled tightly together, a frown firmly set in her features. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
You felt Taylor’s hand on the top of your back, warm and heavy, comforting in a way you weren’t sure you would ever really deserve.
“A lot of things,” You grumbled, shifting so Kelley couldn’t get a good look inside the closet. “I’ll need more information to give you a more defined answer,”
Her eyes narrowed. “You told Alex that she couldn’t fix it between you,”
“She can’t,” You shrugged. “Are we done?”
“No,” Kelley bit back, her hand finding the door to prevent you from slamming it closed. “Not until you talk to your sister and fix this shit,”
You were already shaking your head. “Talking is not something that Alex and I do,”
Kelley snorted. “But you’ll text,”
You shrank a little at her tone.
The texting was different. It was safer, more controlled. She wasn’t close enough to hurt you. You needed that distance.
You felt a hand on your back, rubbing gentle circles at the point that always grew so tense when you were stressed.
You let out a breath. “That’s different. We only text when one of us is winning,”
“Is it?” Kelley pressed, unwilling to let it go. “Because from the outside, it looks like you share more than just your exercise routine,”
The hand grew more insistent, and you closed your eyes. “I don’t want to argue with you,”
You could understand why Kelley was upset. She was protective over the people she loved, and while you knew she cared for you, it was nothing compared to how much she loved your sister. She would always choose Alex over you.
And that was ok. It would be weird if it wasn’t that way.
“No, you just want to get back to your quick fuck,”
Kelley's mouth twisted around the words, and it felt like a knife slipping into your chest.
You flushed red, and a hand caught the back of your collar as you jerked forward. “Don’t call her that,”
You knew what your reputation was, but you never expected Kelley to try and use it against you. Taylor was far more than a quick fuck. You cared about her more than you cared about nearly anyone.
his was why you hadn’t told Kelley yet.
Kelley took a step back, sucking in a calming breath through her nose. “Look, all I’m saying is that you need to cut Alex some slack. It’s not fair for her with your hot and cold routine. You at least have to meet her halfway,”
“I’m trying,” You sighed, running a hand through your wild curls. “What else do you want from me when my own team is fucking trading me because I’ll never be the striker that she is,”
Kelley frowned. “What?”
“Those kids said they didn’t know my number because it was new. I changed it over a year ago. They didn’t have anything for me to sign, because they didn’t want my signature. They wanted Alex. Everyone always wants Alex, and that’s not something she can fix,” You explained, your voice going soft and… honest. “I wasn’t being cruel. I was being honest,”
“Oh,” Kelley’s frown deepened, as your comment to Alex suddenly made sense.
The fans had lied to you when you were already hurt from the trade. They made you feel more unwanted.
“Yeah oh,” You said, running another hand through your hair. “We text when one of us is winning. That’s our relationship, so just leave it. Is there anything else?”
Kelley shook her head and cleared her throat. “Bus leaves in 30,”
You painted a smirk across your features.
“Cool, I’ll see you in 29 then,” You said, as you slammed the door, and turned to lean against it. You slid down until you were seated, drawing your knees to your chest and letting your head fall against it with a low thump. “Fuck me,”
Why did Kelley always have to make things difficult?
Sure she was kinda right, but why did she have to remind you of that and get you to admit why you were upset? It was so infuriating that she wouldn’t let you keep her at arm's length.
“I would but I don’t think that’ll help,” Taylor chuckled, settling down beside you, resting a hand on your knee.
You groaned, blinking at her. You had nearly forgotten she was there. And that she was shirtless…“You’d be surprised. There’s something very… freeing about losing yourself in someone else,”
There was something freeing in having all of a woman’s attention. Of you just being enough for them even if it was only for a moment. Of having something Alex never had, and of being in the only situation where you couldn’t be compared to her (though a few girls had mused about it afterward, it’s why you started skipping the after-cuddling).
Taylor made a low noise, shaking her head. “I think talking will help you more in the long run,”
You shrugged. You didn’t want to argue with her.
“I’m sorry Kelley interrupted before you could…you know…” You blushed deeply, rubbing harder at the back of your neck. You couldn’t say the word orgasm.
Taylor frowned, her thumb pausing on the inside of your knee. “Y/n,”
You didn’t stop though. You didn’t let her ask you the hard question.
“I’m surprised the goon squad didn’t stop them, especially since your goons are here too,” You said, scratching your neck, and tugging off your sweatshirt by the hood. “Here,”
You passed her the item, watching with rapt attention as she pulled it on, and her abs flexed.
“Jason is getting the car, and Tony is at the end of the hall,” She hummed, doing the button on her pants once your hoodie was on. “I don’t really like having an audience,”
You wiggled your eyebrows, painting a charming smile back on your face, even though it took too much effort. “And you assumed I’d jump you?”
It was slightly alarming how easily you locked your emotions away. How you could pretend like there wasn’t something bothering you when it had been so obvious just seconds before?
It set off red flags in her brain because a talent like that wasn’t inherent. It was learned.
“No,” She shook her head, deciding not to comment on how easily you flipped that switch. “I just knew how much I missed you,”
Your mask fell slightly. “I missed you too,”
You meant it. Being away from Taylor was harder than your pride would let you admit.
You had never been so… taken with someone. So addicted to them. But she made you feel seen and safe. It made you want to spend every second with her, wrapped around her.
“Can I take you to dinner?” She asked, squeezing your knee.
You shrugged. “I have to go back to the team hotel first to do cool down and check-in,”
“I can pick you up afterward,” Taylor suggested.
“That sounds agreeable,” You nodded, your lips twisting into a devilish smirk. “But what are we going to do in the,” You looked at the time on your phone. “25 minutes we have before the bus leaves?”
Taylor matched your smirk, catching the front of your shirt and pulling you closer. “I can think of a few things,”
OoOoOoO
March 2017
I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?
You didn’t particularly enjoy fancy restaurants. You didn’t particularly like most restaurants to begin with, but ones with a dress code always made you uncomfortable. Their menus always had a small font, and the white tablecloths never stayed white.
The stuffy atmosphere usually lent itself to stuffy conversations, and it reminded you too much of business lunches or dinners with your parents to ever really enjoy yourself.
You had learned over the years that your opinion didn’t really matter. That everything wasn’t about you. So you were fairly adept at painting a charming smile on and acting normal.
It has worked for most of the night with your sisters and Kelley anyway.
It was easy when Jen and Jerri were gushing over the new diamond ring on Alex’s finger. When they kept asking for every little detail of how Kelley proposed on top of the Empire State Building.
And you played along, never speaking directly to Alex, but not being weird enough that anyone would notice. You wouldn’t ruin this for her, or for Kelley.
“You alright over there space cadet?” Jerri asked, nudging your shoulder and pulling your brain from where you were trying to decipher the tiny writing on the menu.
You blinked up at the four women, realizing that they (and the waiter) were staring expectantly at you. “What?”
“Kell asked if you were ready to order,” Jen supplied patiently.
You were just grateful that no one giggled, but you blushed anyway.
You tried to cover it by snapping your menu closed. “Oh, yeah,”
Kelley blinked at you, gesturing towards the waitress. “What are you going to order?”
You felt the heat in your cheeks travel up to your ears, but still, you tried to play it off. “Oh, you guys can go first,”
Jerri shook her head, placing her hand gently on your arm. “We already have sweetheart,”
You frowned, squinting down at your closed menu. You had missed them ordering, and now you didn’t have time to try and decipher the hieroglyphic font the restaurant had chosen. Not that you would have been able to.
The letters tended to go more haywire when you were stressed, and you would be damned before you asked someone to help you. Your jaw worked as you thought of what to say. What could you say?
“You love chicken parm, and I heard it’s good here,” Alex said casually like it was normal to suggest food items after everyone else had already ordered. “or they have a very good salmon in pink sauce if you’re feeling something lighter,”
Your eyes darted to her for the first time since you had sat down at the stable, and your jaw hung open.
Alex intervening so seamlessly when you were struggling wasn’t something that had happened since she moved to Berkeley (you couldn’t help how you sneered the word in your head).
Jerri nudged you again, and you cleared your throat, your eyes still glued to Alex.
“The salmon sounds good actually,” You mumbled, finally getting your voice to work.
The waitress hummed, and you heard her little ticket book close. “I’ll go put that in,”
You were sure that Kelley or Jen responded to the girl, but you didn’t look away from Alex.
It was just so…not Alex of her. For her to have options ready and waiting meant that she had to have thought that you might have trouble. She had to have consciously decided to look for options that you would like too, and to have more than one so you actually got to choose.
It meant that she cared.
You swallowed very hard. That thought was too overwhelming.
Now, at the dinner, after she just got engaged was not the time to contemplate if Alex even had the capability to care about you. It would again make the evening about you when it most certainly was not.
You could feel the eyes of Kelley and your sisters, despite the way they restarted their conversation. It was like they were watching a car crash or a roller coaster derail.
You felt like a spectacle. Like you were drawing attention when you absolutely should not be. It had alarm bells ringing in your ears.
What would your parents say when they heard you had ruined your sister’s engagement dinner?
It was like the walls were closing in, as the conversation at the table blended with the noise from the restaurant around you. It was suffocating.
You didn’t think before you pushed yourself to your feet, nearly knocking over the chair behind you.
“I’m gonna take a bathroom break,” You said, turning on your heel without waiting for a response, not that you would have registered it through the pounding in your ears.
You needed to get away.
To leave.
To put space between you and this version of Alex that somehow gave a fuck about you.
You bypassed the hallway that led to the restroom, knowing that someone would eventually find you there. You turned right, brushing past the hostess and out the glass doors into the city.
The chilly air hit you like a gasping breath after being underwater for too long. Like water after a practice in Houston in July.
You paused just outside the crystal doors, filling your lungs like you had been drowning.
You knew you couldn’t stand there forever, blocking the entrance to Osteria Carlina, so you headed left, in the direction of your favorite hole-in-the-wall pizza place between Canal and Broadway.
You didn't plan to eat there, but you thought that maybe the walk would help you clear your head, and you could be back in time to eat your overpriced salmon. Something about the smell of fresh sauce and baked cheese always made your thoughts clearer.
It reminded you of when you were tiny and Alex would take you for pizza after your u6 games. It reminded you of riding on her shoulders on top of the world, even if none of the goals actually mattered.
Even if you lost.
You just needed a minute to not think, so you could go back and pretend like everything was fine. Like you didn’t feel entirely out of place with your sisters and Kelley. And you knew that the sounds of the city and the familiar comfort would do that.
You could already feel your airway opening, but you reached up and undid the top two buttons of your shirt anyway as though it would help. It was all in your head anyway.
It was always all in your head.
You ran a hand through your hair, your nose scrunching involuntarily at the sticky gel you had used to keep your curls in place. You had forgotten your normal wax in Chicago, and the CVS near your hotel wanted 15$ for it.
You wanted to look nice for Alex and Kelley, but 15$ wax was not in your budget. Still, you couldn’t not do anything with your hair. Wild curls would draw attention to you, and you couldn’t do that.
You couldn’t make this night about you and ruin it for them.
God, you probably already had.
“If you’re going to ditch us can you please slow down? It’s the least you could do,”
Your heart stopped at Alex’s voice, and your feet paused before you consciously decided to listen. You had to swallow down a groan.
Of course, she had come after you.
It was such an Alex thing to do.
You ran another hand through your hair and turned to face her. “What are you doing?”
Her eyebrows pulled together as she finally caught up with you. “I’m making sure you’re okay,”
She said it like it was obvious. Like it was normal. Like she wasn’t sure why you would ask.
“I’m fine,” You mumbled, your hand dragging through your curls to the back of your neck. “Go back to dinner and I’ll rejoin you in a bit,”
Her eyebrow arched. “I think running out of the restaurant constitutes just about anything other than fine,”
You couldn’t help how your nose scrunched.
This was the part of your relationship that you had forgotten about. The one that had been masked by annoying persistence since she moved out for college.
The one where she actually cared enough to force you to admit when something was wrong.
She was pushing you, but it didn’t feel like it was for her benefit. It was for you.
Your hand fell. “I just needed some air,” Your voice came out horse, strained.
Alex hummed, stepping closer to you. “You got overwhelmed.”
It was a statement, not a question, and it struck you how well she knew you, even though the two of you hadn’t had a real conversation in nearly a decade.
You stared at her, trying to understand her game. Trying to figure out why she was pretending to care. Trying to dissect how this would benefit her and her perfect image.
“What do you want from me?” You were thrown off by how small you sounded. How young and… terrified the words that left your lips were.
Alex caught your arm pulling you into her, closing the little space left between you. “I want you to talk to me,”
“No,” You instantly pulled away from her, tangling your fingers in your messy curls yet again. “I will not be a distraction,”
“What?” Her eyebrows pulled more tightly together.
Your fingers caught in a curl at the back of your head, the one that always seemed to tangle no matter what you did. You harshly tugged at it, the little pinpricks of pain helping you stay grounded.
Except this time it didn't help.
It didn’t give you enough to focus on to crack some smart-ass remark or shove your feelings into a tiny box.
It was too much.
“It’s all I’ve ever been,” The words spilled from your lips before you could stop them, like blood gushing from an open wound that you had tried and failed to stitch together too many times before.
Alex softened, and she took a step towards you, gently catching your arm and pulling it towards her, effectively stopping your from ripping your hair out.
“Monkey,” She said softly.
You jerked away, like a wounded animal. You would not let her pretend that she didn’t think that. That she didn’t hate how you followed after her when you were young, that she didn’t despise how you distracted from her.
“No! I heard you. I’m just the spare Morgan chasing after you, taking people’s attention off of you, and joining in uninvited on your opportunities. This will not be like that. I won’t fuck this up for you. You need to go back, and I’ll be there in a few minutes,”
The words forced themselves out of your lips like they had been waiting to leave for forever. They broke you apart as you choked trying to hold in your emotions. As you fought to close the lid back on Pandora’s box.
Alex caught you again, pulling you into her, and you quaked against her chest, sucking in strangled breaths. Her arms wrapped around you, squeezing you tightly, just like she did when you were little after a busy trip to the mall when the crowds had made your tummy flutter.
You didn’t fight her, instead burying your face in her neck, curling into her like you hadn’t since she left for college.
She held you like the two of you had all the time in the world. Like you weren't on a random sidewalk with random people walking around you.
She didn’t pull back until your trembling had slowed and your breathing had evened out, and she very gently ran her thumb under your eyes.
You hadn’t even realized you were crying.
“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked when your eyes met her identical blue.
“You said it,” You mumbled, sniffing lightly.
Alex’s eyes scrunched and a crinkle appeared between them. “When?”
“I was trying to surprise you at Berkley. Mom thought I had practice, and I took the bus. I heard you,” You said, your eyes closing as that day played back through your head.
It had taken some serious convincing from Jen that Alex missed you, and that she was desperate to see you since you had gone radio silent on her. You had been so excited as you waited near the Berkeley bleachers for their practice to finish.
She had been walking with one of her teammates, and they were talking about someone Coach McGuire was going to invite to practice.
“It just makes no sense, why would he extend that kind of an offer to a kid?” The girl you didn’t recognize said, nudging your sister as they stepped off the field. “Like fuck, it has to suck to always have your younger sister getting opportunities off of your hard work,”
Alex hummed, shifting her bag over her shoulder, and you moved to be more hidden under the bleachers.
The little sound was like a knife in your chest, deflating the balloon of excitement that had been there since you snuck out this morning.
Alex didn’t want to see you. She thought you were getting things off of her hard work.
“Don’t they understand that you want something that’s yours?” The girl continued, and you bit down hard on your lip to stop the tears from leaking down your cheeks. “You should have to deal with her being a distraction from your greatness,”
You would never cry for Alex again.
You shook your head and refocused on Alex in front of you, shoving away the cracking feeling in your stomach.
“Go back to your dinner. I’ll be there in a bit,” You said, forcing your voice steady. Emotionless. In control. “I promise Alex. I just needed some air,”
“No,” Alex said sternly, her arm tightening around you so you couldn’t pull away. “Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me. I'm not going anywhere,”
You blinked at her, fighting to swallow the warmth that spread through you. It couldn’t be real. She couldn’t be honest about this.
You had already resolved that she didn’t actually care about you. That she loathed the responsibility of you from when you were younger. You couldn’t wrap your head around anything else.
And before you could stop it the strangled “Why?” Fell from your lips.
She chuckled, running her thumb under your eyes again and wiping away the tears that would not stop. “Because I fucking love you, and I can’t read your fucking mind, no matter how many times I told you I could when you were little,”
You knew the comment was meant to draw a chuckle or a smile, but it didn’t.
Alex ducked her head when you tried to look away, not letting you break eye contact. Not letting you bury your emotions and draw back into yourself. Making sure you heard her. “I want to fix our relationship. I’ve wanted to fix it since you stopped talking to me when I moved out. I don’t understand what happened, even though I probably should, and I can’t if you don’t tell me,”
You sniffled, unable to stop yourself from leaning into her touch as her thumb ran circles under your eyes, clearing away the tears as they continued to fall. It warmed your cheeks, and traveled down to your tummy. It made you feel… safe. Something you hadn’t really felt that way (aside from when you were with Taylor) since you were 12.
The two of you stood like that for a long minute, stuck in your own bubble, uncaring of the crowds rushing around you.
It took you another moment to realize Alex’s eyebrow was raised, and that she was looking at you like she always had when she expected a response.
You swallowed hard. “Ok,”
The word was simple but held a weight not lost on either of you. What you were agreeing to wasn’t lost, and neither was the vulnerability it took to let it out.
Alex’s head tilted, a smile tugging at her lips. “Ok.”
You nodded, finally pulling yourself out of her grasp and wiping your face with your arm. “I’ll try. Old habits die hard,”
“I know,” Alex hummed, and you knew she was saying more.
She was saying that she knew how hard it was for you to voice your feelings sometimes. How difficult it was for you to be open.
She was saying that she knew you.
And it had a warm feeling filtering deep in your tummy.
You looked away, clearing your throat. “We should go back. It’s your night and you should get to enjoy it,”
Alex sighed.“ This doesn’t change my ability to enjoy my night. If you need more time, we have plenty,”
Your shoulders rolled, and your back straightened. Your fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the back of your neck.
It was something Alex had seen a million times. The way you pieced yourself back together, even when you didn’t necessarily have to. Even when you weren’t ready to.
It was unsettling, how little this part of you had changed.
“The only bad thing about the city lights is that you can’t see the stars,” She said, watching how the abrupt change in subject took an immediate effect.
You blinked at her, your eyes instinctively glancing upward towards the sky, and your shoulders relaxing.
Bingo she thought.
You might not have had a conversation with her in years, but she still knew you. And your obsession with astronomy… well more like your obsession with Greek mythology and stars… hadn’t changed.
You hadn’t changed all that much. Well, most of you, no matter how much you wanted to pretend otherwise.
“Canis Minor is there,” You mumbled, pointing up at the sky barely visible surrounded by the neon lights of the city. “And Vela and Volans are there. It’s hard, but you can make them out,”
She hummed, not at all surprised that you could pick out the constellations even when you could only see a small part of them. But that wasn’t the point.
The point was how you relaxed.
You looked back towards her, your hand dropping as you let out a shaky breath.
“Let’s go back,” You said. “I don’t want your food to get cold,”
Alex nodded. “As long as you’re ready,”
You made a low sound in the back of your throat and turned back towards the restaurant. “Let’s go,”
She signed, reminding herself that everything wouldn’t be fixed in a day. You wouldn’t be fixed in a day. It would take baby steps, and you had given her more today than you had in years.
“Ok,” She agreed, letting you lead her back towards the restaurant, and your family.
*****
“You sure you don’t want a ride kid?” Kelley asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.
You nodded, forcing a smile across your lips. “Oh yeah, I’m good,”
The end of dinner had actually been nice.
No one had said a thing when you and Alex returned to the table, just before your food arrived. The conversation had been light, focused on the proposal, and no one had tried to force you to join in.
They hadn’t even batted an eyelash when you pulled out your phone to text your girlfriend about where you would be sleeping, and made eye contact with the two men who had taken up a table in the back corner of the restaurant.
Desert had been… almost pain-free, which set you on edge.
Nothing in your family came without a cost, and you wondered what it would be. Especially since Alex had come after you.
But everyone said their goodbyes and headed to their cars with very little fanfare.
All except for Kelley who was worried when you lingered near the entrance of the restaurant.
“You don’t have to stand here with me,” you said, glancing down the street, looking for the familiar black Escalade you assumed Taylor would be sending to retrieve you. You figured Tony was driving, since he had disappeared, leaving Zach to linger a few feet away from you. “I'm just waiting for my Uber,”
Kelley made a low noise. “And while I’m sure your new mob friends could take care of you, Alex would kill me if I left you here without knowing your plan,”
You blew out a breath, a strange warmth in your stomach at the thought that Alex would care. “My ride should be just around the corner. You can go, and I’ll be fine,”
It didn’t even bug you that Emily had apparently convinced her you were in the mob too.
“Burrito girl?” She asked, her features softening.
You nodded, glancing sideways toward where Alex was standing. “Satisfied now?”
You weren’t ready for your older sister to know yet. You weren’t ready to hear about how you weren’t mature enough. Or how your reputation would impact your relationship.
You didn’t want to be lectured about how much older Taylor was.
Kelley wiggled her eyebrows as a black Escalade pulled around the corner. “Very,”
“You’re far too smug about this,” You huffed, again glancing towards your sister, who still seemed oblivious to your conversation.
Kelley followed your eyes, and her smirk softened. “You know she wouldn’t be upset that you’re seeing someone right? She just wants you to be happy,”
“I know,” You mumbled, feeling the kid you had forced over your emotions rattle in your chest. You had already been too vulnerable tonight. “I just… I’m still figuring it all out, and I don’t want the pressure yet,”
Kelley made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat. Like she wanted to argue with you, but knew you weren’t in a place to listen.
You wondered how much she knew about your earlier moment with Alex. How she knew so well not to push.
The black Escalade came to a smooth stop in front of you, and Zach stepped up from behind you to stand near the rear passenger door.
You appreciated that he didn’t say anything.
“Tell your burrito mob boss hello,” Kelley said, patting your back. “And I’ll take care of your sister,”
You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly at her before Zach opened the door for you and you slid into the backseat of the car.
Zach closed the door behind you and was in the passenger seat before you could think too hard about what Kelley had said.
“To Taylor’s apartment?” Tony asked you, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. “Or did you want to make a pitstop first?”
You blinked at him, not expecting to have a choice in where he was taking you. You figured Taylor had given him instructions already. That he would do whatever she told him to because she was the one paying his (probably incomprehensibly expensive) salary.
You cleared your throat, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Taylor’s apartment is fine, thanks,”
“No problem kid,” He winked, his eyes returning to the street ahead of him.
Zach reached forward and flicked the radio, letting quiet pop fill the car, and you relaxed back into the leather seats.
It was weird. This was weird. You felt so… off balance after your moment with Alex. It made you feel so vulnerable.
You needed to get rid of the raw feeling in your chest. You needed control.
You swallowed hard and looked out the window as the lights of the city passed.
*****
One thing you absolutely loved about Taylor’s apartment was that it was always stocked with sweets. And since you had started dating, your favorites seemed to appear alongside the treats that she enjoyed.
“How was dinner?” She asked you, passing you the container of chocolate frosting as you sat on her kitchen counter.
She was dressed in short shorts and an old Philadelphia Eagles shirt, her feet bare. She was relaxed and comfortable. Which felt like a stark contrast to needles prickling in your stomach. The pins tingling the back of your neck.
She had been waiting for you near the elevator when the SUV pulled into her private garage, and she welcomed you with a hug that was so… warm that it almost made you forget how raw you felt.
She held you as you ascended to her apartment, and all the way into her kitchen, asking if you were up for a bit of dessert.
You were surprised she hadn’t immediately tried to get you to talk about dinner with your sisters and Kelley. That she didn’t pry into it the second she had the chance like Mal would have.
Now you found that you didn’t mind the question.
“Fine,” You shrugged, sticking a spoon in the frosting and twisting it around, lifting it to examine the scoop you had made. “They mostly gushed over the ring Kelley picked, and how romantic it was to propose on the Empire State Building,”
You licked your spoon, pulling it into your mouth, and your eyes closed at the taste.
It was silky and smooth, much better than the cheap frosting you always brought.
“You don’t think it’s gush-worthy?” Taylor asked when your eyes fluttered back open.
You paused, thinking about it for a long second as you got another scoop of frosting.
You actually thought Kelley’s proposal was sweet. It combined some of your sister’s favorite things and one of her favorite places. It made sense.
But it was so cliché.
“For Alex it is,” You shrugged, sticking the spoon in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the ridges to get all of the delicious chocolate.
Taylor hummed, stepping up between your legs, her hands running gently over the dark denim of our jeans. “But it’s not what you would want?”
You shook your head, scooping a bit more frosting on your spoon.
“I think I’d want something more creative,” You said, your lips quirked up, as you held the spoon out for her. “You know, like under the Eiffel Tower,”
“So original,” She rolled her eyes, letting you slip the spoon past her lips.
Sharing food with her was a habit you had picked up. Something that settled the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that she was too skinny. That there was something… wrong with her relationship to food.
Her fingers tightened around your thighs and you tilted the spoon up and her chin tilted to follow, exposing the long lines of her neck. You traced them with your eyes, swallowing hard.
It had want bubbling in your stomach alongside the needles. It had you leaning into where you knew this evening was heading. Into the coping mechanism that hadn’t failed you yet, even though you so desperately wanted things with Taylor to be different.
But maybe tonight they didn’t have to be.
You hummed, pulling the spoon away.
She let her tongue trail along it, her eyes fluttering open to make eye contact with you. “That’s good,”
“You bought it, so I would hope you like it,”
You dipped the spoon back into the container, pulling up a glob of frosting and bringing it to your lips.
She watched you intently, waiting for the spoon to leave your mouth with a little pop before very slowly leaning in. It gave you enough time to pull away if you wanted to, but you didn’t want to.
You needed this. To feel in control.
You leaned forward, connecting your lips in a languid kiss. Her tongue gently pressed against your lips, and you opened your mouth to grant her access.
It carefully explored around your mouth, dancing with your tongue in a slow waltz, licking the residual frosting from every surface it touched.
She let out a low noise in the back of her throat as she pulled away. “That one tasted better,”
You wiggled your eyebrows, dropping the spoon back into the container. “Did it now?”
“It did,” She nodded, her thumbs running up and down your thighs.
You leaned forward, connecting your lips again and slowly sliding off the counter. Your hands landed heavily on her hips and her arms draped across your shoulders, pulling you closer, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the back of your neck.
It was easy for you to snatch control of the kiss, Taylor gave it to you willingly.
It should have smoothed over the frayed edges of your nerves. It should have quieted your thoughts and made you more present.
Instead, you slipped farther into your head.
You replayed the feelings of Alex’s hand in your hair, the weight of her arm around you. How you had made a promise you weren’t sure you really wanted to keep.
Your lips never left her as she took a step back towards the hallway that led to her room, and you slipped your fingers under the hem of her shirt, skating along the waistband of her shorts.
You loved the smooth skin there, and the goosebumps that trailed after your light touch. They distracted you so much that you didn’t notice her turning down the hallway until you were stumbling over your feet to keep up.
Her lips tilted into a smirk as she used her newfound leverage to switch your position.
Your back hit the wall with a low thump. Her lips reattached to yours, one hand tangling in the hair at the base of your skull, and the other cupped your chin as she pressed you into the wall, her thigh landing heavily between your legs.
It was more demanding, more needy, more in control.
It jarred you out of your head. Out of the rabbit hole of how being honest with Alex would help you link the back line to the front line better. Of how it would allow more line breaking balls through towards the edge where your sister always danced to stay onside.
“You didn’t think I was a pillow princess did you?” She asked, winking at your surprised eyes.
You let out a sigh at the pressure against your core, doing everything in your power to prevent your hips from pulling back when she rocked against you.
This you weren’t used to. This you had never done with anyone besides Mal.
You sucked in a breath through your nose, deciding to focus on the things that you enjoyed. You leaned into the kiss.
You liked the way her tongue explored your mouth. You liked how her fingers twitched against your jaw before they made their way to your collar.
Your head tilted to give her more room as she began trailing warm, wet kisses down your neck.
A shiver ran down your spine when she hit the spot just below your right ear, and you let out another low sigh. She echoed the sound, her fingers deft as they undid the first button of your shirt.
She let the blunt nail of her pointer finger graze your collarbone, trailing after her as she moved to the next button, leaving flames in its wake.
Goosebumps erupted on the newly exposed skin, and you felt her smirk against your neck.
Her long fingers splayed across your abs, tapping out a rhythm you couldn’t define.
“Do you know how amazing these are?” She asked, her warm breath hitting the damp skin of your neck and sending a shiver down your spine as her fingers tapped you a bit harder. “I think about them all the time. It’s not fair that I’ve only gotten glimpses of them, especially with how much you show them off,”
“You were a bit distracted,” You smirked, projecting confidence that you didn’t feel, your fingers closing around her hips, trying to maintain a sliver of control.
She flexed her thigh again to prevent you from flipping your positions though.
“Hmm,” She hummed, a devilish smile cracking across her lips as she dropped to her knees. Your breath caught in your throat, and you splayed your hands on the wall behind you, trying to hide how much they were shaking.
You didn’t know how to handle this. How to do this.
“Well I’m not distracted now, and I’m going to give them the attention they deserve,” She said, her hands moving the edges of your shirt out of the way.
You raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you now?”
Your voice barely wobbled as you spoke, and you took it as a win.
“I am,” she nodded, determination glinting in her eyes. She leaned forward, placing an open mouth kiss on the abb right above your left hip. Her tongue followed the ridge of the muscle to the other side.
you bit your bottom lip and allowed your head to fall back against the wall with a low thump.
You liked this touch. More than any touch you had ever had before. You had never let anyone get this far before, not even Mal really.
Things had been quick with her, like touching you was an unpleasant chore. One neither of you had ever been fond of.
This. This was different.
Taylor took her time, lavishing each individual muscle as her warm mouth traveled around your stomach. A chill trailed after her lips, the air landing on your wet skin sending goosebumps across your flesh, stoking a foreign fire in your belly that was almost enough to quiet the growing dread.
Almost.
She made her way up your stomach, placing a line of kisses up your chest and collarbone before she again landed on the special spot on your neck.
“Let’s get you out of these pants,”
You sucked in a harsh breath through your nose, forcing yourself to remain relaxed. You tried to enjoy the feeling of her hands tracing the residue left on your stomach. Tried to focus on the softness of her lips on your neck and the scent of her perfume.
Tried to let it drive away ghosts of calloused fingers and gruff voices.
It almost worked.
Then her thumb flicked open the button of your jeans, and you couldn’t temper your reaction. You couldn’t quell the growing anxiety in your chest. You froze, every muscle in your body going rigid for a split second before you could force them to relax again.
You hoped that Taylor wouldn’t notice, but she did.
“Y/n?” She said softly as she pulled back, her hands retreating from their position at your waist to cup your cheek, and her leg falling from between yours.
Your eyes slowly fluttered open and met very worried blue. You could see the questions forming. The concern dripped from her form.
But you knew you couldn’t answer. You weren’t ready to unlock Pandora's box yet. Not when you knew you would never be able to shut it again. You only knew one way to stop her from asking. One way to regain control.
You surged forward, your hands on her hips giving you the leverage to push her back against the wall opposite of you. Your mouth landed hot against her neck, lavishing the soft skin with open-mouthed kisses, and your thigh slotted between her legs pressing into her core with the perfect amount of pressure to distract her.
“I’m ok,” You muttered hotly into her ear, pressing more firmly into her center. “Let me make you feel good,”
She sucked in a breath, her hips stuttering like they wanted to grind against you, but she wouldn’t let them.
You dragged your tongue down her neck, letting your teeth just barely graze her sensitive skin, and rocked your hips. Your thumbs scared along the sliver of skin just above her shorts trying to convince her to just go with it.
To let her let you distract her.
You thought for a second that it had worked, as a low groan left her lips. You thought that maybe you had… derailed her enough to forget about your momentary lapse in the hold you had on your emotions. But just as you went to slip your hand into her pants she stopped you.
Her palm pressed firmly into your chest, insistent until you pulled away enough to make eye contact with her.
“I want us to both feel good,” she said sternly.
You swallowed at the comment, fighting to keep your face neutral.
“Making you feel good will make me feel good,” You said, trying to lean back in, but the hand on your chest stopped you.
“Y/n you tensed,” She said, her blue eyes burning into yours, looking for answers, the charge between you melting away.
You sighed as you pulled away from her until your back hit the wall opposite of her. You ran a hand through your messy curls and glared up at her ceiling, unable to look at her.
You were afraid that if you did, she would be able to read your mind. She would see the… brokenness you fought so hard to hide. But you had never been able to hide from Taylor.
Even before you were dating, you had let her closer to you than anyone had ever gotten before. She was scarily perceptive and had been able to read you from the beginning of your friendship even better than Mal could (and that was saying something). Her abilities only seemed to get more acute as you got closer.
This was the only area she hadn’t seemed to pick up on.
You let yourself slide down the wall, your eyes closing as you sucked in another breath. You still felt so raw from your talk with Alex. Too… vulnerable. Like opening up again would finally crack your chest in half.
“I’m,” You started and stopped, unsure of what you were actually going to say. “I’m not good at receiving,”
You settled on the phrase, drawing up the courage to finally open your eyes, pulling your knees close to your chest and resting your chin on them.
You were surprised that Taylor had slid down her own wall so she was sitting across from you and mirroring your posture.
She made a low sound in the back of her throat, and her eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not good at it?”
There was no judgment in her voice. None of the disgust you expected.
“I can’t ever get out of my head enough to… enjoy it I guess,” You cleared your throat and looked away from her, ignoring the heat in your cheeks. “No one’s ever noticed before”
It was a semi-truth. In your slew of hookups, no one had ever cared. No one had pushed back when you stopped them. No one had ever not let you distract them.
But then again, Taylor was nothing like your hookups.
You actually had feelings for her that stretched beyond self-loathing and the need to be in control of something. To be good enough. There was nothing quite like the rush that came from making a beautiful woman fall apart under you. It was irrefutable evidence that you were capable.
Taylor’s eyes tightened. It physically hurt her that none of your past partners (if she could call them that) had cared enough beyond their own needs to see the obvious. And that you were willing to bypass your own comfort so someone else could feel good.
She wanted to kick herself for not noticing that something was wrong sooner.
“You’ve never talked through limits or likes and dislikes with any of the people you’ve slept with?”
You ran another hand through your hair (making it impossibly more messy) and let out a very long breath.
You shrugged. “We were never doing anything beyond vanilla and it never progressed past a few one-sided orgasms,”
You had never let any of them touch you. Hell, you hadn’t even gotten undressed for most of them. The thought of doing anything… kinky sent a shiver down your spine so you hadn’t. It was just easier to keep distance from the people you slept with. It was safer that way.
Taylor shifted, very slowly scooting towards you, reaching out to place a gentle hand on your foot like she thought you would freak out if she moved too fast.
“Well, I think there’s a need now,” Taylor said, watching your every movement.
Your eyes were scarily hollow, accented by the red that rimmed them from the time you had made it to her apartment. She had wanted to ask about it. Pushed just a little to find out if you had been crying, and why. But you didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
You had pivoted to sex almost as soon as she tried to bring it up. It sent red flags up in her mind. Red flags that only got brighter.
She couldn’t help but replay every interaction the two of you had had in her mind. There would be time to agonize over every little detail later, but even now, your… reluctance to undress, or allow her to touch you was glaringly obvious. How the moment she flipped your typical script, you couldn’t hide it anymore.
She was slightly ashamed she hadn’t noticed it before. That she had ignored the signs of your discomfort, even if they were well masked.
Have you ever wanted to have sex? Had she put you in a position where you didn’t feel like you could refuse?
She never wanted you to feel forced, whether that was about talking about how you were feeling or having sex. She wanted you to feel comfortable enough to tell her when you weren’t ok with something.
Your nose dipped behind your thighs, your forehead pressed into your knees, and you squeezed your arms more tightly around them like you were literally trying to hold yourself together.
Her heart broke a little more at the barely audible “ok” that left your lips.
She scooted closer to you, her hand carefully drawing up your shin and weaving in your curls. Her nails scratched gently on your scalp, and you practically melted.
Your shoulders relaxed and you let out a long breath before you shifted to look up at her, your chin balanced on your knees.
She brushed a curl from in front of your eyes. “When did you start to feel uncomfortable?”
You scrunched your nose. It was a hard question.
You weren’t sure how you were supposed to explain that your mind went to soccer as soon as anything remotely intimate started. How were you supposed to explain that you were just defective?
But maybe you didn’t have to.
She didn’t ask you that. All she asked was when you started to feel uncomfortable, and that answer was easy.
It was the moment your back hit the wall. The moment you were jarred out of the safe space in your head.
The moment she forced you to be present, unlike every other girl you had ever been with.
But you weren’t entirely uncomfortable. Maybe at the start, but you had enjoyed parts of being with her. You wanted to enjoy being with her. But you were just… incapable. Defectives
You settled for a shrug, curling tighter into yourself. You didn’t want her to see how… fucked up you were. It would only push her away.
That’s what pushed Mal away. And Alex. And your parents.
You would never be good enough, and you had just wanted to pretend as long as you could. You weren’t ready to lose Taylor yet.
“Ok. It’s ok,” Taylor’s voice was gentle, and her hand trailed to tangle in the baby curls at the back of your neck. “Let’s try something else. Can you tell me what you liked?”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “This time?”
“Any of the times,” She said soothingly, her fingers never stopping their gentle scratches at the back of your neck.
You closed your eyes, leaning back into her hand. “I like it when you do this,”
She hummed, and you could hear a smile in it. “Anything else?”
“I like kissing you,” You mumbled, feeling the red flair in your cheeks.
Her lips always tasted like coffee, and something so… Taylor. They were addictive in the best way.
“And I like holding you,” You added. There was something comforting about having her in your arms. Something that made you feel safe. “And I like it when you hold me,”
“But the rest?” She asked you gently.
Your shoulders lifted and fell. You did what was expected of you. What you knew worked.
You went with the flow just like Emily told you too, and then had been too caught in your head to savor the moment. To take in all of the little details that you wanted to remember. No matter how hard you fought, you just… couldn’t.
You quite liked touching her too, but you knew there was something wrong with your inability to remain in the moment when you did. You knew that she deserved for you to be present.
“I’m just not good at receiving,” You repeated, misery leaking into your tone.
It was the only response you could come up with. The only explanation that remotely made sense. This was when she would realize you were… defective. This was when she would leave. But she didn’t.
She gently squeezed the back of your neck. A silent request for you to look at her and a comforting touch that told you that it was ok. It took you a second to gain the courage to look up, but when you did, you didn’t see the disgust you expected.
Her eyes were soft, sad, and they held another emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on. “I like holding and kissing you too,”
She shifted a little closer to you, so her knee was touching yours. “And I’ll hold and kiss you for as long as you’ll let me, at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable,”
You made a low noise.
It was strange. Conceptually, you could understand what she was saying, but you had never been with someone who didn’t judge you based on your ability to give them an orgasm. You wondered how long her patience would last. How long would she stay when she realized how deeply you were fucked up.
“How about we go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?” She asked, squeezing the back of your neck gently.
Your nose scrunched as she pulled away, pushing herself to her feet and holding her hand out to you. “You know I don’t like movies,”
You didn’t have the attention span for them, and you would inevitably get bored halfway through.
She hummed, wiggling her fingers so you would take her hand. “How about survivor then?”
Your tension melted at the mention of your favorite show, and your easy smile returned to your features.
“Yes! We have to watch Heroes vs Villains so you can see Russel at his finest,” You said, allowing her to pull you into her side.
“Whatever you want sunshine,” She kissed your forehead and guided you back towards her living room.
It felt like going to her bedroom was too much, too fast. She didn’t want you to think she had some… expectations despite the clear signs that you were not ready to progress past cuddling. Not while you would so easily compromise your limits.
Not while your limits still felt so unclear.
She knew that it would take time to work through that, and she was willing to wait and help you for as long as it took.
*****
Soft morning light filtered into your consciousness, waking you gently. You breathed in deeply, shifting on a bed that you knew wasn’t yours.
It smelled like lilacs and Taylor’s perfume, sweet and inviting and safe. You could hear soft music from somewhere else in the apartment and felt cool sheets next to you.
You frowned, pushing yourself to a sitting position with a yawn. It was rare you woke up after Taylor. That you slept in in general.
But it shouldn’t have surprised you with what had happened last night. Sure, the two of you had fallen asleep together just after Pavarti and Russel had schemed to take down the Hero’s tribe during the merge. Taylor held you just like she promised, but you should have known it wouldn’t last.
A good nights sleep had opened her eyes. She had reflected and decided you were too… broken to be worth it.
“Fuck,” You mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes with the palms of your hands.
You should have stopped her before she got to your pants. You should have been more subtle and slipped your position instead of tensing.
You should have been prepared to lose hold on the iron box that held your emotions. You should have had more control.
But you didn’t, and now you were most likely going to lose your girlfriend.
She would break up with you in the sweetest way possible. She would say that it was her. That she was the problem, and you would accept that.
You would nod along, and make it easy for her. Just like you had with Mal when she told you that Dansby was her soulmate. That he was so good and perfect.
You dragged your hands up your face, and into your hair, ruffling your messy curls as you pushed yourself out of bed. There was no point in drawing this out longer than it needed to be.
You stretched, pulling your shirt down over your boxers as you padded out of Taylor’s room towards the sound of the music. You could also make out soft voices as you got closer. Your eyebrows furrowed. Who was Taylor talking to?
You peeked your head around the corner, your frown deepening when you saw a redhead sitting at the island across from Taylor, a large stack of papers sitting to the right of her, drinking a cup of coffee and humming to a song you had never heard before.
Why was she here?
Taylor turned from the stove, catching sight of you before you could hide back behind the wall. “Hey babe, good morning,” She said brightly, smiling widely at you.
“Morning,” You said slowly, stepping out from behind the hallway wall.
She gestured to the woman across from her. “This is Tree,”
“Hello,” You waved awkwardly at the redhead.
“She just swang by to hear a bit of the new album,” Taylor explained easily, turning back towards the cabinets. “Do you want some coffee?”
Tree smiled brilliantly at you, showing off perfectly white teeth in a way that surprisingly didn’t feel forced.
But you could sense the lie in Taylor’s explanation of why her publicist was there. Of why the woman who handled all of Taylor’s outward appearances appeared with a massive contract right after you had shown her how defective you were?
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” She said, pushing out the stool next to her, a clear invitation to sit.
You shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and dragged a hand through your hair.
Neither of them seemed… angry. Or like they were plotting the fastest way to get you out of the apartment. But you didn’t trust it. All of your instincts told you not to.
“Nice to meet you too,” You said slowly, stepping towards the stool and gesturing to the stack of papers. “Listen, I’ll sign whatever you want me to sign. Can I just take a shower before you kick me out?”
“What?” Taylor and Tree said in unison, Taylor nearly dropping the mug she was holding and Tree’s eyes tightening.
“I just hate to put on clean clothes without showering,” You scratched more insistently at the back of your neck, your fingers tangling in the tight curls at the base of your skull. “And Alex and Kelley would think it’s weird if I show up to their house in what I wore last night, and I won’t be able to accurately answer their questions,”
Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together and she set the mug down, stepping closer to the island. “Y/n, slow down,”
You ignored her. You knew you were rambling at this point but you couldn’t stop yourself. “I promise I’ll be in and out in like 5 minutes. I won’t even do my hair,”
“Y/n stop,” Taylor moved around the island, catching your hand as it began to tug at the roots of your curls.
“What are you talking about?” She asked you softly, ducking to catch your eye.
“You’re going to break up with me because of what happened,” You rushed out, catching her frown and immediately backtracking. “Which is totally fine. I understand that you want someone… with less baggage. I just want to take a shower before you make me leave,”
“I’m not breaking up with you,”
You blinked at her. What was that supposed to mean?
Was she going to make you do it so she could be the good guy? Was her publicist there to witness it so they could write a story about it?
“Do you want me to break up with you then?” You asked, softly. You hated the fragility in your voice.
Taylor’s head cocked to the side and she raised an eyebrow at you. “No,”
It was your turn to frown. “I don’t understand what’s happening,”
“I’m not breaking up with you. You’re not breaking up with me,” She said like it was simple, tugging you towards the stools. “You’re going to sit down and drink your coffee while I make breakfast. You can talk to Tree if you like, or just listen to some of the tracks from my new album. But no one is getting kicked out or leaving,”
“Oh,” You breathed out, your shoulders dropping. “I don’t like eggs,”
“I know,” Taylor rolled her eyes, an amused smirk on her lips as she turned back towards the counter. “I’m making pancakes,”
“With chocolate chips?” You asked, watching her warily as you took the seat next to Tree slowly.
You felt like you were in a stupid rom-com that Alex would like. Like you were the idiot boyfriend who was lost.
“Of course,” Taylor hummed, sliding you a mug. “Drink your coffee,”
“So I heard you’re going to be playing for Washington this season,” Tree said, and you really looked at her for the first time.
Her eyes were kind, and she actually seemed… interested.
“If they ever get me a place to live,” You shrugged, clearing your throat. “Their manager keeps giving me the runaround and preseason starts in like 2 weeks,”
Her eyebrows pulled tightly together and she tapped her perfectly manicured nail on the edge of her mug, just beside the tea bag string. “They haven’t figured that out yet?”
“No. The only option they sent me doesn’t allow pets, which is a serious problem for my 3 huskies,” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
To be honest, your move to DC was nearly as painful as the one from North Carolina to Chicago. You just hoped that this time there wouldn’t be a dismembered toe in whatever apartment they put you up in. And hopefully, you had working AC…
The redhead's frown deepened. “Don’t you have a manager that takes care of that?”
Your nose scrunched. “He’s not helpful,”
Your manager, Travis, had never been… involved. You were one of his 70 clients, and he preferred to do nothing besides collect his paycheck while teams fucked you this way and that. He rarely ever answered your calls, and when he did, he acted like a total slimeball. One more than one occasion he had insisted that he could turn you straight.
Taylor turned away from the stove, meeting Tree’s frown. You could tell there was a question on the tip of her tongue, one you probably didn’t want to answer just as much as you didn’t want to talk about what had happened last night.
Tree shook her head slightly, a movement just barely perceptible, making a low sound in the back of her throat and pulling out her phone. “I’ll take care of it,”
You blanched as Taylor turned back to the stove, flipping a pancake.
You reached for Tree’s arm before she could fully stand from her stool. “No, that's ok. I can figure it out,”
You didn’t need anyone else to get involved. You didn’t need to make a big deal out of this. You were sure it would only make it worse for you when you arrived.
You’d heard that the Washington coach Richie was no better than Paul or Rory, and you knew the only way to deal with it was by not making waves. By gritting your teeth and keeping your head down.
Tree smiled, squeezing your arm and grabbing her phone as she stepped towards the back balcony. “I’ll be right back,”
You sighed when she disappeared through the glass doors, sinking into the stool, looping your hand through the mug handle, and taking a long drag of your coffee.
It was perfect. Sweet and light exactly how you liked it, and the soft music playing in the background only made it better. You had never heard this song before. It was just a guitar track, with Taylor’s voice and you found yourself entranced by it.
I know that it’s delicate, delicate.
You pressed your fingers into the side of your mug as you took another long sip, your eyes following Taylor as she hummed along to the song while flipping the pancakes onto a plate.
She turned back towards you, sliding the plate across the marble island, and leaning against it. She waited for you to take a bite of your favorite breakfast, smiling when your eyes practically rolled back into your head at the taste.
Her new music wasn’t the only reason Tree had visited. But she knew she had to explain that very… carefully. She didn't want to set you off, especially when you still seemed so frazzled from the night before. When you thought she would kick you out for tensing.
She had her suspicions about why your reaction had been so strong, suspicions she had briefly discussed with Tree, but she knew she had to tread carefully. She had the feeling that if you felt too vulnerable, you would shut down entirely.
But considering the pictures the news media had tried to splash across the headlines, she wasn’t surprised that you had tried to use sex as a distraction (or something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on). It seemed like it was your go-to method, and explained why you had been so content to leave a trail of bodies in the wake of your reputation.
She also wasn’t surprised that it had ended… the way it did. You had already been emotionally vulnerable. Too vulnerable to have the kind of sex that was deeper than just movements and orgasms.
She sighed. She would have to tell you why Tree was there, preferably before Tree herself told you.
“Paparazzi got pictures of you and Alex last night,” She said, trying to stay casual. Trying to make it seem like no big deal.
You paused, fork full of pancake freezing midair in its trajectory to your mouth for a brief second before you dropped it with a clatter back onto the plate.
“Fuck me,” You groaned, dragging your palms over your face and through your hair. “Fuck me hard,”
It was another problem. Another thing for you to deal with. When honestly, you just wanted to pretend like last night had never happened.
All you needed was for the fans to get ahold of a photo of you crying.
She suppressed a chuckle. “It’s ok, Tree already took care of it,”
You paused, your fingers scrunching in your hair before you dragged them back down your face and picked up your fork.
Your eyes stayed closed for a long second before they opened slowly and you resumed eating like nothing had ever happened.
It was like watching an actor pull on a mask, how you folded all of your emotions up neatly and pushed them inside. It was… incredible and sent alarm bells blazing in Taylor’s mind.
“Oh. Um. Thanks,”
You could feel her eyes appraising you.
“It’s no problem,” She said with a little shrug, bringing her own mug to her lips.
You went back to your pancakes, the only sound between you the scraping of your fork on her plate and the song playing again in the background. Your mind wandered through the chorus, enjoying the way the beat drop tickled the little spot in the back of your head. Your eyes swept across the kitchen landing on the giant stack of papers in front of Tree’s empty stool.
“What are the papers?” You asked after a moment, pointing to it with your fork when the music died down and the song restarted.
Taylor reached for it, placing it between you and spinning it so you could read it. You didn’t. The print was small and close together, and you didn’t want to give yourself a headache.
“You said that no one has ever discussed limits and boundaries with you, so I thought it might be nice to do that,” Taylor explained carefully.
You raised an eyebrow at her. “So you printed a packet?”
“Well, no,” She shook her head. “I know you said that you had never done anything beyond vanilla, but I have, and I think it’s important to thoroughly know my partners limits,”
You let a teasing smirk play across your lips, sinking into the teasing to cover how… off kilter you felt.
You had never discussed limits. With anyone. And it scared you what she could discover. What if something you said turned her off? What if she didn’t want you after you filled out her packet?
“I didn’t know you were kinky Miss Swift,” You said, wiggling your eyebrows. “Or is there some other title you prefer?”
A bright red blush spread across her cheeks, traveling down her neck, and she looked away from you.
Before you could follow up, to make the gorgeous red color travel further, the sound of the glass door opening echoed through the kitchen, and Tree stepped back inside.
“Ok. I’ve got your housing settled, and I ordered a moving crew to help you,” Tree said as she sat back down beside you, seemingly oblivious to the tension between you and Taylor.
Or maybe she was just better at ignoring Taylor’s reactions.,
You blinked owlishly at her. “I’m sorry, what?”
“All you have to do is text this number with the date you want to move and they’ll help you get all of your belongings down to DC,” She said, handing you a sticky note with a number on it.
You had no idea where she had gotten it, but you were thankful for it.
“Oh, uh, thanks,”
She nodded. “If you have any more issues, call me and I’ll take care of it until we can get you a good manager,”
You swallowed your surprise. You weren’t even sure how to go about finding a new manager, and you doubted you could afford one. You weren’t entirely sure how the whole thing worked actually. But Tree seemed to know exactly what to do.
You turned back to your plate, taking another bite of your pancakes. They were like heaven, second only to the Pancakes Kelley made. But something nagged at the back of your mind. Taylor didn’t have a plate in front of her, and there wasn’t one in the sink. You supposed she could have placed it in the dishwasher.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” You asked, your fork pausing midair.
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry,”
A frown pulled at your lips. Now that you thought about it, Taylor was not hungry a lot. She rarely ate snacks when you did, and you were pretty sure she had never finished a meal with you.
“Then I'm not hungry,” You responded, already pushing the half-finished plate away from you, despite the way your mouth watered for more. “Unless you want to share these?”
She sighed heavily, but took your fork nonetheless, stabbing a tiny piece of pancake not drowned in syrup and bringing it to her lips.
“Happy?” She asked you, and your smirk turned real.
“I’m always happy when I’m with you,”
*****
“I don’t understand what that means,” You muttered, reading number 372 of Taylor’s limit questionnaire.
Touching while under sense deprivation
Most of the list had been easy. Things you knew you liked (like kissing), and things you knew you would never want (impact play with a cane). The rating system had also been easy to understand: things you liked and had done, things you wanted to try, things you would only try with lengthy discussion, and things you never wanted to try.
Taylor highlighted her preference in green Sharpie and you did yours in orange as the two of you worked through her packet cuddled on her couch. She had been insistent that the two of you fill out the packet after lunch, and Tree left to give the two of you some privacy.
“It means the use of a blindfold or headphones that cut off one of your senses,” She explained, already highlighting a would like to try in her green highlighter. “It can be fun. When one sense is taken away, others tend to heighten,”
You swallowed hard, biting your lip as the red in your cheeks got impossibly darker.
“I,” you swallowed hard and looked away from her. “I don’t want to do anything where I can’t see you,”
You had enough problems remaining in the moment with her. The idea that you wouldn’t be able to see her terrified you.
It scared you to think about where your brain might take you.
“Ok,” She agreed easily, placing a perfect orange swipe over never try, already moving on to the next one.
It made your head spin how… comfortable with this she was.
It was like she had done this before. She said she liked to know her partner's limits, so maybe she had. You had never asked about past relationships before.
“This isn’t your first time going through this list, is it?” you asked, but the question was more of a statement than an actual question.
She paused, halfway through reading hands restrained while partner touches- giving and looked at you.
“No, it’s not,” She admitted gently. “I… I would rather be over prepared than cross a line that I didn’t know was there,”
Your head tilted, and you raised an eyebrow at her. “And you were doing kinky shit like touching your partner while their hands were restrained?”
“Sometimes,” She shrugged, her eyes narrowing. “But I feel like that wasn’t the question you actually wanted to ask me,”
It was slightly scary how well she could read you sometimes.
You bit your lip. Your questions weren’t polite, but then again you were discussing allowing her to restrain you while you had sex. It was more… intimate than anything you had done with any of your partners, but Taylor seemed… comfortable.
She had done this before, and you wondered… how many others had been in your position.
“You’ve had relationships before?” You asked slowly, picking your cuticle and looking away from her.
“Yes?” She asked back, using a finger under your chin to gently get you to meet her eyes again, as she raised her eyebrow.
“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about them,”
“I’ve had a few, some vanilla, some not so vanilla. A few with men, but the serious ones have only been with women,” She said, her voice soft, like she knew you were insecure about asking. “Is there anything specific you would like to know?”
Your fingers picked more instantly at your thumb. “Were you-… did they-…”
Her thumb ran over your elbow. “Relax and take a deep breath,”
You did, except it didn’t help you. You felt like a fish gaping out of water. You forced your mouth to close, dragging in a deep breath through your nose.
“You said you weren’t a pillow princess,” You mumbled, and a rye smile crossed her lips.
“You want to know if I was tying people up or if they were tying me up?”
You gulped but nodded. That had indeed been your question.
“Well. The dynamic I had with my partners changed with each partner,” She explained thoughtfully. “I found early on that I preferred to give rather than receive, but sometimes it’s nice to just let go and let someone else take care of you,”
You made a low sound as you took in the information. Really, it should have been obvious with the way she already took care of you. She waited for you to ask a follow-up, as the silence stretched between you. When it became clear that you weren’t going to ask, she asked a question of her own.
“Can I ask you a question?” Her head tilted, and she waited for you to nod. “The situationship?”
Your nose involuntarily scrunched. “What about it?”
“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about it,” she mimicked your phrasing gently.
You pulled your chin from her hand and looked away from her again. It was… hard for you to talk about what happened with Mal. It still stung in a way you didn’t expect, even though you didn’t… want her anymore. Not like you had.
“It was a teammate. We were under a lot of pressure, and it just kinda… happened,” You mumbled. “I got hooked and she didn’t, so she chose someone else,”
Taylor made a low noise of understanding in the back of her throat. “But not before stringing you along,”
Your lips pressed into a thin line and you shook your head. “No,”
You didn’t want to give her more details, to let yourself remember the agony of how it all devolved. How it felt like she was running you over broken glass every time you interacted. Giving you hope just to swipe it away at the last second.
“For how long?” Taylor asked softly, drawing your eyes back to her.
“Almost 4 years,” You sighed, running your hand through your hair and massaging the back of your neck. “The last time we hooked up was like 3 months after you and I became friends,”
Her eyes tightened as she did the math in her head. That would make you 13 or 14 when it started. A shiver went down her spine. “So young,”
You shrugged, your fingers digging more deeply into the skin on your neck. “Weird things happen at youth camp,”
“Apparently,” She muttered.
Your reaction to her trying to touch you was starting to make sense. If you had started young, and had a… bad experience…
You cleared your throat. “How long was your last relationship?”
She blinked at you, pulling out of her thoughts. “5 years and some change,”
“Do you talk to any of your exes?” You asked. “Like the serious ones?”
“No, those bridges went down in flames, but I keep up with a few of the less serious ones,” She shook her head. “I’m assuming you still talk to your ex situationship?”
“She’s one of my best friends,” Your shoulders lifted and fell, and your lips formed a very thin line at calling Mal a friend. You disliked how she UNC all over you, and things were… weird when you interacted, but you couldn’t exactly do anything about it. She was an integral part of your friend group and of the team. “Does it bother you?”
“No,” She said thoughtfully, reaching over to catch your hand as it again ran through your hair. “Because I trust you,”
“I trust you too,” You said back, and you meant it with everything in you. You trusted Taylor more than you trusted nearly anyone.
She smiled gently at you. “Do you want to continue this list?”
You nodded slowly. “Let’s do this,”
You glanced back down at the stack of papers between you. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but you trusted Taylor.
OoOoOoO May 2017 You come around and the armor falls Pierce the room like a cannonball Now all we know is don't let go
“You are too fast for your own good,” Ali Krieger sighed, settling down on the bench beside you as you squirted more water into your mouth.
You shrugged. “You and Dydasco keep leaving a gap for me to split, and Mal is good at finding space,”
The Washington Spirit captain hummed, sipping her own bottle.
The defender had taken you under her wing as soon as you stepped foot in DC. She had shown up at your apartment ready to help you unpack, only to find it immaculately set up. She had taken you to lunch instead and introduced you to the rest of the team.
They were wary at first given your reputation, but they were slowly finding out that you weren’t what everyone claimed you were.
“Dude, that little through ball is sick!” Mal said before Ali could respond, throwing her arm around you and sitting on the bench practically in your lap. “We can totally use that against Sky Blue,”
You shuffled away from her as far as you could without being obvious, taking another long sip of your drink. “Kelley will be looking for it. She’s seen us do it too much,”
Ali had noticed that there was something… odd about the way you interacted with Mal.
The two of you were inseparable, and your chemistry on the field was entirely unmatched. But there was just something she couldn’t quite put her finger on that bothered her about how Mal was with you.
How you tried to squirm away from her without drawing attention to it, and how Mal would only move closer. How there was a depth to your relationship with the forward, a history, that Ali hadn’t been aware of before.
Mal grabbed your water and squirted some into her own mouth while squeezing your shoulder. “Maybe we can discuss a new game plan over drinks?”
Ali raised her eyebrow. “You’re both underage,”
“Hasn’t stopped Y/n before,” Mal shrugged, nudging you with a giggle. “She can take down a case of beer all on her own,”
You scrunched your nose, and brought your free hand to the back of your neck, pressing deeply into the skin.
“Um, no thanks,” You said. “I have plans,”
Mal froze, dropping the water bottle into your lap, and inadvertently getting your pants wet.
“Plans?” Mal’s eyes narrowed at you, and the edge in her voice made you shiver. “Which one of our teammates are you fucking tonight?”
A grimace crossed your features, but you smothered it under a mask of indifference, as you brought your shoulders up to touch your ears. “None of them,”
Mal relaxed, ever so slightly. “Ah, so you finally got the app Lindsey suggested?”
“No. I don’t use straight dating apps,” You huffed, righting the water bottle. “I don’t need the internet to pick up interested parties, but I’m not seeing some rando either. Not that it’s any of your business,”
“Who was in your pants used to be entirely my business,” Mal mumbled, pressing a finger into the spot right below your ear, dragging it down the curve of your chin, and using it to tilt your head to make eye contact with her. “You liked it being my business,”
You stared her down, something passing between you that Ali didn’t understand.
“And you made sure that it wasn’t anymore,” You said, your voice cold as ice as you pushed her hand away, and squirted more water into your mouth.
“Ok,” Ali said, breaking the tension between you and the forward. “So Kelley will be wise to the through ball, what do you suggest?”
She had never seen you be so… direct.
You put more space between you and Mal, your lip caught between your teeth for a long moment before you shrugged. “I’m sure Richie has a plan. He’s the master strategist isn’t he?”
“You’ve had enough film sessions with him, so you tell me,” Ali countered.
A dark look crossed your features, there for a split second before it was gone. Replaced by an easy smirk that Ali was learning wasn’t so easy. It was the face you made every time something made you uncomfortable and you didn’t want to talk about it.
You took another sip from your water before you squirted it at Mal. “I’m sure he’s got a plan for his superstar,”
You pushed yourself off the bench and ran off towards the midfield coach before either of them could stop you, and Mal went tearing off after you.
Ali shook her head. If only she had as much energy as you two. But still, there was something… nagging in the back of her mind. Red flags she couldn’t quite place.
*****
You hummed quietly to yourself as you lit the final candle on your dining room table.
The table was set. The dinner was in the oven set to the exact temperature Kelley recommended (after she walked you through how to turn it on), removed from its take-out containers and placed in glass dishes, and the trash had been removed taking with it any evidence that your meal hadn’t been created in your kitchen well before Taylor arrived at your apartment (and you had sworn Tony and Zach to secrecy).
You had cleared off the counter in your kitchen, save for a thick off-white envelope, and a bottle of the red wine you knew Taylor preferred. It would be the perfect date night.
Taylor had flown in from Nashville to spend the midweek break with you, and you were fucking stoked. The two of you had seen each other in passing, but getting really quality time together during the season was rough. Nothing would stop you this weekend.
“This is gorgeous,” Taylor hummed as she stepped into the kitchen area. “And it smells amazing,”
You smiled widely at her, pulling out a chair. “Thanks. I was just about to pull it out of the oven if you wanna sit?”
“Such a gentlewoman,” She said, as she sat, and you felt a bit of red color your cheeks.
You had been called many things, but a gentleman (woman- whatever) was never one of them. People tended to believe your reputation and take you at face value.
You were pretty sure Taylor was the only person to ever look past it.
You turned away from her, moving towards the oven. “Only for you,”
She hummed, and you felt her eyes as you got the food out of the oven, and turned off the device before you brought it over to her.
“It looks amazing,” She said as you placed the cookware on the table, and more red bloomed across your cheeks.
“Thanks,” You mumbled, joining her at the table. “It’s coconut curry with chicken, broccoli and rice. It’s got a lot of good fats and protein,”
It was a habit you had started in March, listing out the good parts of your meal. You noticed that she never saw food as fuel or something to be enjoyed. It always seemed like a chore she dreaded or a part of her day she just omitted entirely. You worried and you hoped that your little talks might change her view. So far you had been (mildly) successful.
Taylor hummed and spooned herself a good portion. “I like coconut curry. I have it a lot after shows,”
“Good,” You smiled as the red bled up your cheeks towards your ears. “It’s one of my favorites during the season because it meets all of my macros and is filling,”
Taylor hummed again. “What’s the envelope on your counter?”
You rolled your eyes at the thought of the off-white envelope, with your address written in perfect cursive. “A wedding invitation,”
Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together. “I thought they got engaged in March? They’re already setting a date?”
“We have to plan around tournaments, so they picked the only time everyone will be available,” You mumbled, chewing your too-large mouthful. “Spring of 2018”
“Still seems like a fast turnaround,” Taylor said thoughtfully.
You shrugged. “They’ve been together for like 10 years. Alex has probably been planning this for years. She can read minds, and she’s a control freak so she probably knew Kelley was going to propose as soon as Kelley started looking at rings,”
“Ah, I see,”
You fidgeted in your chair, your fork aimlessly scraping your plate. “Do you want to be my date?”
It nigged in the back of your mind that the two of you might not even be together in a year and a half, and that you were probably asking her to be your date way too far in advance.
“Unless you hate me by then,” You added, forcing a playful smirk across your lips.
She rolled her eyes at you, swallowing her bite. “I won’t hate you by then, and I would love to be your date,”
You nodded. “I’ll talk to Alex and Kelley about getting a plus one,”
Taylor hummed and took another bite, chewing slowly. “I also wanted to talk to you about maybe trying something new,”
You raised your eyebrow at her. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well,” She started. “When we filled out the limits sheet you mentioned that you didn’t like all touches, so I thought we could maybe walk through those boundaries, and I’ve never seen you naked, which is kinda criminal,”
“So? You want to what?” You asked, watching her carefully.
“Shower together,” She said, meeting your eyes. “This way it’s something we’ve done, just-“
“I’ll actually take my clothes off this time?” You asked, meeting her eyes.
“And you can show me where you’re comfortable being touched and where you’re not,” Taylor continued gently. “I think it might be a good exercise in intimacy without expectations,”
You nodded, taking a shaky breath. “Ok,”
“Ok,”
*****
Water cascaded down your body in ripples, rolling over the goosebumps that littered your skin. Your fingers tapped against your hips, as you tried to force yourself to relax.
“We don’t have to do this Y/n,” Taylor said from behind the shower curtain.
You thought that this would be… easier if you get into the water first. That it would ease the bubbling anxiety in your chest.
It didn’t. But you weren’t ready to give up yet. You wanted to trust her.
“No,” You said, your voice more shaky than you would have liked it to be. “It’s ok. You can get in,”
You turned towards the water, letting the spray hit your face, as you heard the distinct crinkle of the shower curtain.
You felt her warm presence behind you, though she didn’t reach out to touch you.
You took a deep breath, steeling yourself before you turned back to face her.
“I want to do this,” You mumbled, meeting her eyes, trying not to scan down her body. You appreciated that her blue orbs remained steadfastly locked with yours.
“As long as you’re sure,” Taylor said softly. “You can tell me to stop at any point, and we will. Red, yellow and green still apply,”
Your lip disappeared between your teeth and you nodded.
You understood the stoplight system that the two of you had discussed. Red for stop, yellow for slow down or discuss first and green for good. You swore you would try for her, so you would.
“Remember that I need a verbal?” Taylor asked you.
“Yes. I’m ok. Green,” You said, your voice shaking more than you wanted it to. “Just…”
You looked away from her, finding a spot on the wall above her head. “Just go slow,”
“Of course,” Taylor promised you. “We’ll go at your pace. Even if today we just stand there, that’s ok,”
You nodded again.
You didn’t like how… vulnerable you felt without your top on.
It was too close. Too intimate and that’s part of the reason you had never done this with anyone before.
But Taylor wasn’t just anyone.
You wanted to give Taylor this.
You closed your eyes and let out a long breath. It shook as it left your lungs, disappearing into the steam building between you.
You reached out slowly, catching her hands. “Let me show you where my boundaries are,”
You went to tug her hands forward, but she resisted.
“Can you look at me while we do this?” She asked, her voice gentle. “I want you to be present, here with me,”
It took you a very long second for you to open your eyes, and another for them to drag down her forehead and meet her blue.
She smiled softly at you. “Thank you,”
Your head bobbed briefly, and you squeezed her hands. It shouldn’t be this hard for you to let someone touch you.
The two of you stood there for several minutes before you gained the courage to pull her forward again. She went with you this time, letting you bring her hands to the hard lines of your stomach just below your belly button.
“Here is ok,” You said, trailing her fingers up the center of your abs to your diaphragm before you moved them out to your sides and back down to the original level.
“My whole back is ok too,” You murmured, feeling her nails dragging across your lower back, meeting at your spine.
Your eyes slipped closed at the feeling. At how you could feel the body heat rolling off of her because of how close she was to you.
“Color?” She asked, and you could feel the words on your lips.
Your eyes blinked open, meeting the fire burning in hers. “Green,”
“Good,” She said. “Stay with me, ok?”
“Ok,” You breathed back, as her fingers moved up your spine like she was counting each of them.
You did your best to remind yourself that it was her hands on you as they finally reached your shoulders. They outlined your collarbone, and her thumbs brushed against your neck.
It felt like a warm flame traveling from the point of her touch up to your cheeks, and down in your chest.
“Will you let me wash your hair?” She asked, and her thumb swiped around your cheek.
“Yeah,” You breathed out, making no move to grab your shampoo. You were afraid that if you’d turned, you would forget it was her.
Her head tilted to the side. “Color?”
“Green, right now,” You murmured, more red flooding into your cheeks. “I just… I need to be able to see you when your hands are on me. When we’re… like this,”
“Ok,” Taylor agreed easily like it wasn’t a big ask at all. “I’ll stay where you can see me,”
You nodded, swallowing hard again. “Maybe we just do this today,”
“That’s ok too,” Taylor hummed, her thumb running over your cheek to the sensitive skin behind your ear. “We’re doing this all at your pace,”
You swallowed hard again. “Thank you,”
Her lips tilted upwards. “Anything for you. I want you to enjoy our time together too. We’ll work up to the rest. My main concern is your comfort, and maintaining your boundaries. We’ll take it one step at a time,”
You could do that. You could do this. One step at a time.
#woso x reader#woso imagines#uswnt x reader#taylor swift imagine#taylor swift x reader#alex morgan x reader#alex morgan imagine#13 eras of us
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is it new years yet? | jack hughes
synopsis: y/n's new years kiss is the last person she expected, her former fuck buddy pairing: jack hughes x fem!reader word count: 2.7k warnings: slightly steamy, heavy making out, mentions of sex, a bit angsty, not properly proofread is it new years yet? - sabrina carpenter
What's the best way to forget about your fuck buddy who broke things off with you a week before Christmas? Who you definitely don't have feelings for and who definitely didn't find out about said feelings by accident?
From a responsible person's point of view, it was the correct decision. I fell for someone who just wanted no strings attached sex. He doesn't want a relationship, and it is supposed to save me from being hurt even worse in the future. But I am not a responsible person. A responsible person wouldn't have been talking about their feelings with friends when they knew that the person they had feelings for was also in the same bar.
Which is how I ended up in my current situation. A glass of champagne in one hand while the other holds onto a random guy's shoulder as we sway and grind to the upbeat tempo blasting through the club's speakers. The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one, right? At least, that's what my friends were telling me as they convinced me to go out with them for New Year's Eve.
"Start the new year off with someone new."
And start the new year off with someone new I will. The guy in front of me is decent looking, he's no Jack but he'd do. His hands were at least doing all the right things, one gripping my hip to pull me closer as the other was pushing my hair out of the way of my neck so that he could leave sloppy open mouthed kisses to my skin. Hands roamed down my body as I brought the champagne flute closer to my lips, this night would require copious amounts of alcohol if I am to make it to midnight. He pawed his hands down from my hips to my ass, gripping and squeezing in ways that should be making me want to push my body harder against his. His mouth trailing from my neck down to cleavage, nipping and sucking at the exposed flesh.
He was doing everything right to my body, but it just didn't feel right. I wanted it to be Jack who was brave enough to handle me this way in the middle of a crowded club, not ashamed to be seen with me, but it wasn't. He made it very clear that he only wanted me in private, with no one knowing that I was his on those nights and that he was mine, even if it was only for a short time. It was like he knew my body better than I did, knew what buttons to press to make me cry out his name. How he made me come undone again and again. The kisses that gave me full body shivers and touches that left my skin feeling like it was set alight.
I was not getting those feelings with the man attached to my body. He seemed like he'd be a great lover for a night, but not in the way I needed. Perhaps if I met him before everything, I could be happy with him but it felt like I had been ruined.
A party popper would end up becoming my hero of the night when one went off right next to my ear causing the glass in my hand to tumble down, splashing champagne on the man as it made its way down to shatter on the floor.
"Oh God! I am so sorry!" I profusely apologize as the man whose name I can't quite remember jumps away from me.
"It's alright, suppose I was gonna end up sticky tonight anyway. I'll be back." He shoots me a wink as he makes off in the direction of the bathrooms. I take the brief moment to escape to the bar, being careful to not slip on the alcohol or broken glass scattering the floor.
I push past the glitter and sweat coated bodies, pushing myself into a corner where I don't think my former dance partner will find me. One of the bartenders comes over to take my drink order not long after I get into my seat.
"What can I get for you?" The man asks quickly, obviously on the verge of losing it due to the new year's rush tonight.
"She'll have a vodka cranberry and I'll have a beer." A voice says from behind me, a voice I know extremely well. I didn't know he was going to be here tonight. Not a single person thought to mention that to me? The bartender makes a move to speak but the man behind me continues, "Brand doesn't matter, just whatever you have." The bartender just nods then scurries off to get our drinks.
I slowly turn on my stool to face him.
"Jack." I say, acknowledging him.
"y/n." He says back, sending shivers down my spine with just how he says my name. He moves closer, keeping me between the counter and his body. Leaning over his body almost touches mine, he keeps his eyes on me, his face getting closer, and for just a second I think he's about to kiss me, but his fingers wrap around the beer bottle that was placed on the counter and suddenly he's back where he was originally standing. "You seem to be having fun tonight."
"You've been watching me?" I blurt out before I could think. Instead, grabbing my drink, putting it to my mouth before I could say anything else.
"Hard not to when you're basically letting whoever that was fuck you in front of everyone." He bitterly spits out. He's jealous? He's not allowed to be jealous. He doesn't want me, I got that loud and clear.
"So? Why do you care?" His eyes snap to me. "I'm not yours, I never was." I break my eyes away from his, suddenly thinking about how interesting my drink looks. He smirks at my sudden movement, his fingers grip my chin and force me to look at him. His face is so close to mine again, I can feel his breath on my face, can smell the alcohol off his lips. He's intoxicating. I clench my thighs together at the small act. Even like this he still has so much power over me. I am undoubtedly his.
His eyes flick from my eyes down to my clenched thighs to my eyes again to the countdown clock behind me and finally back to my eyes. "Thirty minutes till midnight. Meet me on the balcony upstairs in fifteen?" He's asking but it comes out as more of a command.
"Why would I do that?" I push back. I can at least hold onto a little bit of my dignity during this. Can't I? Might be debatable.
"Because I made a mistake two weeks ago." He whispers against my lips. My eyes flutter shut, he's gone when I open them.
◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
Fifteen minutes went by quicker than I would've liked for them to. I still haven't made up mind on if I should talk to him or not, but my body decided that I'd still go. I slowly made my way up, giving myself more time to collect my thoughts. I hadn't talked to him properly since that night.
It was a night out after a big win, Jack had invited me and some friends to go out with him and the team. Teasing remarks were thrown at me about how I look at Jack like I was in love. I never did hide my staring well. He had noticed too, how when he looked over at me, my eyes were already on him. Adoration was obvious in my eyes when they were on him. When I got quiet and didn't make any attempt to shoot down the accusations they all got loud. "You love Jack!" They shouted over and over. My cheeks flushed, embarrassment flooded up veins, I had to get away from it.
He heard. I turned to leave the group and he was behind me, eyes wide and jaw slack in shock. He was frozen, a deer in headlights. Me whispering his name snapped him out of his daze causing him to walk off in the opposite direction. I made the mistake of going after him.
"We said no strings attached." He said after the door slammed behind me, his back still facing me.
"I know." My words came out whispered, I was terrified of this. This was never meant to happen. Feelings were never supposed to happen. He was never supposed to find out that one of our few rules were broken.
"We can't continue like this." He finally turned and faced me. He showed no emotion, he was so goddamn hard to read. His blank facial expressions would be the bane of my existence.
"I know." I whispered again, the only words I could get out. I fucked up, by catching feelings, by continuing this when I knew I caught feelings. I tried to push them down and pretend that they didn't exist, but it just wasn't enough.
"I don't love you." I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears start to well up and not daring to let them have the chance of escaping. I knew how he felt, but hearing it was a completely different feeling.
"I know." I sobbed out. He was gone by the time I opened my eyes.
Here I was, yet again, going after him. I somehow made it to the top of the stairs and through the crowd of dancing bodies. There he was, standing on the balcony, leaning over the railing and looking out at the Hudson. I stood there for a good minute, just staring at him, debating on if it was even worth listening to him. Did he really make a mistake or was he just feeling guilty that he didn't reciprocate my feelings?
"What was the mistake?" I finally ask.
His head whips around so fast that I almost think that he's about to give himself whiplash. A small laugh like huff comes out as I walk further out onto the balcony.
"I almost thought you weren't gonna come." His voice is softer, careful, like he was actually scared of the thought that I wouldn't meet him. I look back at the countdown clock on the wall, ten minutes to midnight.
"I like to be fashionably late." He lets a small laugh escape at my comment. God, I love that sound.
"You always have." He turns away again, hands gripping the railing, knuckles turning white from the tension.
"You still haven't answered my question." I say, waiting for him to finally tell me what the mistake was. Was he regretting ending us or how he spoke to me?
"That night." He starts to say before cutting himself off, lips pursed into a thin line.
"Yes?" I nudge his leg with the tip of my heel. He looks at me, eyes scanning my face like he's trying to read my thoughts. Trying to get any idea of what I'm thinking.
"I lied to you." No. "I said I didn't love you." No. "I lied." No.
I should be wanting to hear this, but I don't. I never thought I'd be the type of person to run back to a man just because he gives me a pretty apology and I will not start now, especially when I know it's not true.
"You don't love me, you just miss the sex. Don't worry, you'll find someone else to suck your dick." I move to walk away before I feel this hand come up to grip my arm. He was not going to make this easy for me. All I want to do is go home and crawl under my blankets, forget that all of this even happened in the first place.
"Please, just hear me out." I turn my head to look at him and goddamn those eyes that make me want to melt. He's looking at me so sweetly, I've never seen him look at anyone like this.
"Make it quick." I brush off his hand and lean back towards the railing.
"Oh come on, you know I don't do quickies." He attempts to make a joke, a playful smile pulling on his lips. It quickly fades though as he get serious again. "I broke our rule before we even made it." My head snaps up at his words. What?
"I loved you before we slept together that first time." He can't be telling me the truth. No, our first night together was a drunken mess that was just meant to be a one night stand. The relationship that came after was just mutually beneficial, he didn't have to worry about someone running to the tabloids and I got someone who touched me in a way I didn't think was possible.
"Stop lying to me." I choke out. I don't need a pity confession from him, especially when I just want to leave him behind next year which is in, I quickly check the clock, three minutes.
"I'm not!" He counters back just as the words leave my mouth.
"If you loved me you wouldn't have reacted like that." My eyes are brimming with tears, this is not how I wanted my night to go. I just wanted to find a new guy to kiss at midnight to make me forget about Jack.
"I never thought you'd feel the same." How he could think that is astounding. I don't think he realizes just how magnetic he is, and not just because he's Jack Hughes, hockey star. No, he was much more than that. A good friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone that listens when you really need it, a respectful person who makes you feel like you're floating when his attention is on you. "I'm not good at expressing my emotions."
"Yeah, no shit!" I nearly scream at him. "What do you expect me to do with this?"
"I want to start fresh next year." He admits, his eyes lock back onto mine. "If you gave me another chance, I promise, I won't fuck it up again." He's not lying, he's being genuine. I can see it written all over his face, the softening of his eyes, the breaking down of his walls. He's having a hard time even attempting to be vulnerable about this.
The shouting from the party starts to get louder. "Ten!" Maybe I should give him another chance. "Nine!" If I get hurt again then it's on me. "Eight!" He is who I want to be with. "Seven!" Why not? Is this not what I wanted just hours ago? "Six!"
"Kiss me." I tell him.
"Five!"
"What?" He sputters out.
"Four!"
"You heard me." I say, giving him a soft smile so that he knows I truly mean it.
"Three!" He shifts his body to be parallel mine. "Two!" His hands cup my cheeks. "One!" His lips meet mine as literal fireworks go off. "Happy New Year!" People shout around us. But my mind is just on him. As he's pulling me as close as humanly possible but it's still not enough.
My hands snake up with his abdomen, fingers gripping at anything they can. His hands move to my hair, to my neck, down my chest, caressing softly down to my hips, pulling and pleading to get as close as possible. My body was being set alight, the familiar feeling I've been yearning for. He's pulling sounds out from me that I've never made before. It's from the feeling that he's fully mine now, no hesitancy in his movements, he's confident and proud in what he's doing.
My fingers move up to curl around strands of his hair, pulling his face fully flush to mine, lips melding and moving against each other at a fiery pace. We break away unfortunately to catch our breath, our smiling faces still touching, neither one of us making an attempt to move farther away. In fact, he's nuzzling his face even closer into mine, if that was even possible.
"What are you going to do with me now?" I ask against his lips, looking up into those beautiful, mind melting, ocean like eyes.
"Start the year off right, by apologizing in so many ways." He says then capturing my lips again before dragging me through the crowd of bodies, down the stairs, and out of the door.
#alina writes#jack hughes#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes fic#jack hughes x y/n#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes blurb#nj devils#new jersey devils#nhl imagine
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𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓, in which lando and his fiancée joke about having kids (cats), but they randomly just drop an actual pregnancy announcement! ౨ৎ lando x mexican!fiancée!reader
Liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 109,122 others
yourusername que feo
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Liked by the creator
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landonorris SOOO HERMOSA 🤩
landonorris i don’t regret the last slide.
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lilymhe 😍😍 become a runaway bride for me
→ yourusername ofc baby
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yourusername when he hangs out with the opposition… he’s cute though, I guess?
tagged landonorris
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user the opps 😒😒😷😷
user WHERES RHE CAT CAFE LOCATED QUEEN
→ yourusername tiki’s cat cafe in mexico city x
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landonorris DIOSA 😍😍😍
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→ landnorris erm actually 🤓 don’t talk to my fiancée like that
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landonorris we found a cat in our chair after we finished swimming, welcome to the family zanahoria 🥕 (this is her only Christmas present)
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user OMG 😊😊 THEY HAVE A KID!!
user she’s so pretty
user LANDO U ARE THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE.
→ landonorris i know 😌
user UGHHHH IM SOBBING
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lilymhe she looks absolutely beautiful! uhm- and you’re there..
yourusername MY ONLY PRESENT?? YOU KIDNAPPED THE CAT
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→ yourusername …….🌝
Liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, mclaren, lilymhe, and 228,929 others
yourusername life update: back in my hometown, lando brought the helmet he quite literally dnfed in (🌝🌝), and my mom won’t stop showing him my baby pics. p.s. flo, can you please send me lando’s baby pics so he can stfu xx
December 21st, 2023
tagged landonorris
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user tbf the helmet is rlly nice
→ user his rep era 😢 gone too soon
user WAAAHHHH
user best couple ever idc
user she was such a cute baby 🥹
→ user imagine their kids 😭😭
landonorris flo please don’t send her my baby pics
→ yourusername too late baby xx
landonorris wow u are so cool!!!! i am your biggest fan 🤩🤩
→ yourusername I’M (getting) MARRIED!!!!!!😡😡😡
→ landonorris he doesn’t have to know…😉😉
alex_albon u look disappointed in the first pic
→ yourusername i am
Liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, mclaren, lnfour, and 1,239,290 others
landonorris she isn’t dead!!
january 4th, 2024
tagged yourusername
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user YN 😭😭😭 its been a year daddy
user i missed them so bad
user dont talk to me im sobbing
user SHES ALIVE!! AND HEALTHY!!!
yourusername 😇😇❤️❤️
alex_albon is your cat studious
→ landonorris duh, just like his dad 😉
→ alex_albon didn’t u like… not go to high school?
→ landonorris i can still be studious, mate!!!!
Liked by landonorris, mclaren, carlossainz55, yourmom, and 1,091,100 others
yourusername and it’s all just too much for little lando norris… surprise!! i am pregnant ❓(have been for like 3 months now)
tagged landonorris
march 1st, 2024
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user OH MY GOD. THEYRE HAVING A KID????
user i am hyperventilating shut up
user LMFAOO THE 2ND PIC
user what about us….. your og children ☹️☹️
→ yourusername don’t worry 💕 you guys are the og!!!
user whats it finna play.. WOAAAHHH
user im throwing up i. Jsut fell on the floor
landonorris te amo mucho mi vida ☀️🤍🫶🏼
→ yourusername i love you more 🫶🏼🧡
lilymhe CONGRATS BABY 🎉🎉
→ yourusername thank you 💙💙💙
carlossainz55 i guess he isn’t so little after all? 😂
→ yourusername LMFAO CARLOS 😭😭
oscarpiastri is he crying over your cravings? cause they’re horrendous
→ landonorris yeah i am, but anything for my girl
→ yourusername STOP 🥹🥹
→ oscarpiastri ew don’t get all corny on me
yourmom por fin!!!
Liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, lnfour, and 1,678,919 others
landonorris daddy norris 🔜
tagged yourusername
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user THE CAPTION? 💀
user i am so unbelievably happy for them
user mama y papa 💞💞💞
user who CHEERED
user omg she can’t have sushi until after the baby 😭😭
→ landonorris good.
user so i guess they were trying for an actual baby 😃
maxfewtrell mate get out with that caption
→ landonorris make me
→ maxfewtrell woah, you’re a soon-to-be-married man
→ landonorris 😐😐
yourusername 🔜
mclaren congratulations you two 🧡
→ landonorris thank you 🧡 (give me a life time contract??)
→ yourusername 🤍🤍
danielricciardo let me be the godfather (congrats mate 😁)
→ landonorris yourusername opinions?
→ yourusername uhmmmmmm
→ carlossainz55 let ME be the godfather
→ yourusername no güey
→ oscarpiastri pick me, choose me
→ yourusername 🐨🐨🐨
lnfour the soon to be better norris-l/n 💚
→ yourusername agreed
౨ৎ hi guyyysss 🤍🤍 sorry for not posting, i just didn’t have any motivation :,) but hopefully my motivation will come back though xx also i will prolly start writing part two of ‘say don’t go’ 🫶🏼
#𓇼 landitolover#꩜ my writings#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#formula one#f1#f1 fanfic#female reader#smau#latina reader#mexican reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#carlos sainz#oscar piastri
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↳ the four times he sees the moon and stars in your eyes
character: ace trappola
synopsis: dancing is a language that is felt instead of heard, and he can feel it with every time he sees you move like silk
a/n: HAPPY LATE BDAY NATSUME @kunikame HERE'S MY BDAY PRESENT TO YOU </3 got inspired over there and. we all know how it went so it is EXTREMELY late i am so so so sorry
when he knows that you're not having a good day
He's memorized your favorite song, by beat, by melody, by note. A single note from any other song reminds him of you and all he can see is the corner of your lips flitting upwards, knowing this was the one song you adored more than anything.
One he makes you do because you're having a sad day and he just blasts your favorite song that he knows won't stop you from at least moving your head to the beat. Or swaying it from side to side. Those little moments are the ones that he holds close to his heart, even if he refuses to ever say it out loud. Unlike his symbolic counterpart, he does not wear his heart on his sleeve. He refuses to, for he will never chase someone that could not possibly fall for him back.
Ace can usually tell when you're in a bad mood and it doesn't take him long to figure out the reason why, even if you haven't told him. He says he's just smart like that, no. He knows that he cares about you so deeply that it is impossible for him not to know why you are in a bad mood.
He'll show up, play your favorite song, and ask, "Maybe a nap?"
"Ace, I can't nap with music playing."
"Pathetic."
But he knows this too. He looks at you like you've hung all the stars and the moon. There are times he believes you have. He hides it, believing that you are the sun to his moon: only bits of each other seen, never fully embracing the other.
2. when you are surrounded by your friends
"Epel, I am losing to you, I don't care that you're from the country!"
"You say that now, but I'm goin' to make you eat your words!"
"How about you--oh, it's starting!"
Ace sat next to Deuce as he watched you dance to a new game that Crowley had given you for Christmas. However, you didn't have a console. So the first years all scrounged around and got enough money to buy you one, co-owned by the others. And tonight was the night for Ramshackle to host a sleepover.
As he watched you nudge Epel aside casually to try and make him concede, his eyes softened. Forgive him for wanting to get too close to the sun, but he wanted to be around you more than he wanted oxygen. You were his oxygen. Even the darkest and gloomiest day could instantly be lit up by you.
No, what was he saying. He couldn't chase after someone who didn't like him. He was not Icarus, he wouldn't fall.
But oh, as he watched your expression, beaming at the small numbers on the screen, he knew he would plunge into the depths of the ocean if only for the promise that you would be on the sea floor, waiting for him.
Before he knew it, it was his turn. He got up quickly and grabbed Epel's controller. You pointed at Ace with your controller. "Be warned, Ace, I have not lost a single game to this dance and I don't plan on starting now."
"Big talk, you only wave your hands around to win! You don't fully dance!"
Your banter made his chest warm with affection for you. He loved it when this happened. With each word you tossed at each other, he knew that he would leave every single thing behind for you, if only for a glance from you.
3. when you are too close to him, willingly
The end of the final year was always bittersweet. Ace had grown through the years, becoming much more mature but still upholding his title as a complete lovable dumbass. Somehow, he became the housewarden, Deuce at his side. They would bicker a lot and it showed that even after all this time, they never changed. Occasionally, some of the new first years would ask if Deuce was actually the housewarden, to which Ace would be outraged.
"Can you believe that?! They thought Juice was the housewarden! Is this crown just an accessory to them!?"
You picked up another rock, checking for its smoothness. "Uh huh."
"You're not even listening!"
"No, I meant 'uh huh' as in I agree, they think it's an accessory."
Ace poked you, his lips downturned. "You think I'm stupid, don't you?"
You raised an eyebrow as you extended your hand out for him. In your hold was a smooth rock. "Your brain is as wrinkly as this rock."
"Love you too."
Ace goes back to his dorm, where Deuce is waiting for him. Deuce glances at him quizzically and then squints. As much bravado as Ace has, he knows that Ace is deep down a coward around you. "You didn't ask them to the dance, did you?"
"They insulted me--"
"No, they didn't. Answer the question."
The ginger shook his head, letting out a long and weary sigh. He had had a crush on you for the past three years and yet somehow, he had never once been able to hang out with you alone. No, either Deuce or Grim had to join you. And now he only had one shot to ask you to a dance. Perhaps he could go big. No, that wouldn't help. He would look stupid. This was so hard and for no reason. But he knew what Riddle would say if he was there. "Stop being foolish. You must do what you are meant to do." Granted, he was talking about following the rules, but he knew it applied in this case.
~
Sure enough, it had worked out in his favor. He claimed that he had never been nervous, but of course Deuce had to debunk that. He had been shaking like a chihuahua at the prospect of even asking you to the final dance of the school year.
The night was young and lively, with bubbling excitement from the third years. It would be their turn to leave next and once they did, the possibilities would be endless.
Endless, Ace thought. It was a synonym for forever, eternity even. If he didn't act soon, he could lose you for that time.
So he shoved aside his so called "pride" and went to you. "Dance with me."
"Wow, no asking anymore?"
He couldn't hold back a snort. "Okay, fine. Will you dance with me?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
Oh, how lovely was it to have you in his arms, just the two of you in your own little world. The party had slowed during this part of the night and its stillness, its calm was what made Ace realize he would rather burn than lose you. Maybe he would burn from staring at you for too long. Every star had its final dazzling moment before collapsing, after all. It seemed impossible for that to happen to you. The universe's vastness could not compare to the overwhelming emotions that belonged to him. He couldn't take it anymore.
The moon needed its sun desperately.
4. when the world stops to hold only the two of you in its hands
Domesticity was a word that he never believed in. He had a lot of energy to spare, ready for any spontaneous adventures, shenanigans and schemes.
All of that stopped when your union to him came along. He had asked the biggest question of his life a year ago and now, here you were, right in front of him as you made yourself a warm drink at 2 in the morning. You weren't tired, or more so, Ace knew that you struggled to sleep these days. So he would stay up with you.
He walked over as you stared at the bubbling pot, seemingly lost in your own little headspace. With a soft spoken voice, he gently called for your name. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Just thinking." You fiddled with your ring, the one that matched his.
Ace knew this mood of yours very well. He looked out the window, the sky dark and sprinkled with hundreds of stars. The earth seemed to be asleep, making them the only people in the universe in his mind.
With a small tug of your hands in his, he took you into his arms as he slowly began to sway with you. Side to side, a small two step. Ace was not much of a singer besides that one VDC competition back at NRC. Yet his favorite song was the one he danced with you on the day you were wed. Even now he hummed it softly as he hugged you close, afraid that if he let go, you would be far from his grasp.
But you would merely look up at him, eyes to his red ones, and it would calm him down. No, he wasn't afraid of losing you anymore. How could he? He planted a soft kiss to your head. "I love you."
"I love you too. Go to bed."
"No, you."
"Fine. Both of us."
Ace agreed, it only seemed like a fair trade. He turned off the stove and followed you to bed, curled up on you like he had grown accustomed to.
Your beginning was that of a galaxy, far out of reach and, while never getting into eternity's territory, it became that of a binary star system: gravitationally bound to each other.
#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x mc#twisted wonderland x mc#ace x mc#ace trappola x mc#ace x reader#ace trappola x reader#ace trappola x y/n#ace x y/n#ace trappola x yuu#ace x yuu#ace trappola x you#ace x you#guys i forgot how to write
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