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snowdice · 3 months ago

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Folds in Paper: Book 2 (Chapter 1: Reprieve) [Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sander Sides

Relationships: Janus/Patton, Remus & Roman, Logan/Virgil, Roman & Patton & Logan

Characters: Janus, Patton, Emile, Remus, Roman, Logan, Virgil, Remy

Summary: Janus is trying. After spending months trapped in time with his enemy turned... something else, Janus is trying to find meaning in a world where he or anyone else could rewrite history with one simple mistake.

During his leave from the Time Preservation Initiative, the time distortions that have been causing disastrous ripples in time have not gone anywhere. His partner's past is more mysterious than ever and old and new alliances are shifting. Can Janus figure out what is going wrong with time before that time is up?

The problem with time travel… you never how long you have before the clock strikes 12.

Chapter Summary:

Things are harder, better, but harder.

Notes: Time travel AU, mystery, enemies to lovers, alcohol, sexual innuendo, character with depression, character with ptsd

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

I also have a playlist on youtube (because Spotify didn’t have one of the songs I wanted).

This is Book 2, Check out Book 1 and the other part of this series here.

“What’s this?” Janus asked when a giant bowl was set on the coffee table in front of him.

“We’re eating on the couch tonight,” Emile said cheerfully.

Janus raised an eyebrow and switched off the tablet he’d been using. “Why?” he asked, setting the device aside.

Emile shrugged and set a second huge bowl down next to Janus’s. “For fun,” Emile said. He turned back towards the kitchen and Janus leaned forward to look in the bowl. It was spaghetti with some sort of creamy sauce and a few different vegetables mixed in along with some shrimp.

“I made green tea too,” Emile said, coming back into the room with two mugs.

“Thanks,” Janus said, taking one of the mugs with a small smile.

“What were you doing?” Emile asked as he took a seat beside Janus. He nodded at the deactivated screen now sitting on the end table.

“Just playing some puzzle games,” Janus said.

“That sounds fun,” Emile said with a smile.

“Head doctor said they might be a good thing to do to pass the time when I told him to fuck off after suggesting reading.”

Emile sighed. “Dr. Figueroa is my colleague. You could try to be polite.”

“I thought I was supposed to be my authentic self in therapy,” Janus replied.

Emile just huffed and rolled his eyes. Janus couldn’t help but smile as he picked up his mug of green tea.

The last few months had been…different. In a lot of ways, Janus’s life had become harder than it had been before. It had been easy to do nothing but eat pre-prepared meals, go to work, and pass out in his empty house every day. It wasn’t good for him. He’d known it even then, but it had been easy. This was not.

Emile had offered, insisted really, that Janus move into his house for a bit just to get back on his feet. He’d taken time off of the TPI which would have been given to him anyway since he’d spent so long trapped in the past. He’d had to give a report of what had happened, and he’d mentioned Patton, but he hadn’t mentioned everything. They’d offered him a shrink when he’d asked.

Janus had told Emile he needed to tell him something about why he’d been distant, so he wouldn’t end up chickening out, but he’d asked for a bit of time to figure out what to say. He’d finally worked up the courage to talk about it with Dr. Figueroa two weeks ago. Much like with Patton, it was easier to talk to someone who hadn’t been involved in Janus’s mistake, but it still wasn’t easy.

He was running up on the deadline he’d given Emile for having that talk. It had to happen soon, and they both knew it, but Emile was just patiently waiting for him to suck it up. It felt… wrong to use his kindness without him knowing the truth, but it was also nice to get to spend time with his brother. He didn’t even dare to hope that he’d still have the chance once he told him.

He was moving back into his own house in less than a week. He’d tell him then so if Emile ended up kicking him out of his life, he wouldn’t have to kick him out of his home too.

For now though, everything was fine. Harder, more complicated, and in threat of imploding at any moment, but fine. Fine wasn’t something he’d really felt in a long time. Or at least, fine while in his own time wasn’t something he’d felt in a long time. There’d been a few moments with Patton sitting next to the fire outside the hole in the ground they’d slept in for those few months where the man would turn to look at him and he’d felt fine. Yet, Patton had been right. Those moments were unsustainable with how Janus was actually feeling deep down.

“This is good,” Janus said, after taking a couple of bites of the pasta in front of him.

“Well, I always was the only one in the house that could cook,” Emile said, and that was true. “It was either learn to fend for myself or eat a cheeseburger for every meal.”

“Hey, I had a good burger seasoning.”

“Not for every meal, Janus.”

“Meat, dairy, bread. What more could you want?”

“Vegetables, Janus.”

“You could have put pickles on them!”

“I don’t like pickles.”

“That sounds like your problem, not mine,” Janus argued.

Emile shook his head, turning his eyes to the ceiling. “How have you been surviving on your own?”

“Well, I mean,” Janus said. “Badly.”

“Right…” Emile said. He leaned over to bump their shoulders together. Janus flashed him a smile.

“Speaking of,” said Janus. “Could you physically force me to pack tonight? I meant to do it today and instead I ended up playing puzzles games.”

Emile chucked. “Sure, I’ll help you after dinner.”

“You don’t have to help me,” said Janus. “Just make me do it.”

“Maybe I want to help,” said Emile.

“Oh, yes, packing. The most entertaining of Thursday night activities.”

Emile hummed and then glanced at him. “Remember when you helped me pack for college?” he asked.

“Mmm, I do,” Janus replied.

“I was so stressed about going somewhere new,” Emile said, “that I avoided packing for weeks. Every time Mom would ask me how packing was going, I’d tell her it was going fine but in reality, I hadn’t even started. You came home two days before I had to leave because you were going to help me move into my dorm. It’s like you could sense no packing had been done the moment you stepped through the front door.”

“You were doing your ‘hiding the broken horse statue from mom’ shuffle,” Janus said with a smirk.

“Well, you walked me straight to my room and we packed everything up in those two days,” Emile said. “You made it so much easier.”

“Yeah, because I hovered over you until you did it and did half of it for you,” Janus snorted.

“It wasn’t just that,” Emile said. “You also found the music streaming station run by the university and put that on and talked about what your freshman year was like. You also had tips on what things I should and shouldn’t pack when moving into the dorm.”

“You still took all of the cartoon character stuffed animals despite my advice.”

“I thought there’d be more space on the bed,” Emile frowned.

Janus snorted.

“But anyway, just having someone else around made me happier. It wasn’t just about the workload being halved either. You being there made me feel less lonely and reminded me I’d always have someone to come back to.”

Janus internally winced. He was sure Emile hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty in any way. In fact, he probably was trying to do the opposite, but him saying that just reminded Janus that it hadn’t been true. Janus had abandoned him for literal years and hadn’t been someone he could always come back to.

The last few months, Emile had proven himself to be at least close to who he was before Janus had messed with time. There were a couple of differences here and there, and Janus could not be sure if they were from him changing time or from him avoiding his brother for the past three years and him naturally changing. Most memories they shared that Janus cautiously brought up or Emile mentioned on his own were consistent with what Janus remembered, but he hadn’t pushed too hard or dug too deep. It just made him feel more guilty about avoiding the man for so long.

It made him want to ignore the man more, because it seemed every choice Janus ever made only hurt him.

…

Well, perhaps not the college radio station when helping an anxious 18-year-old pack up his childhood bedroom.

He should probably tell Emile that his words made him feel guilty because that was obviously not the intention and he’d want to know. He should probably apologize properly for leaving him alone for three years without an explanation. He should probably provide an explanation for those three years.

He should probably go see the head doctor again soon.

(He should probably stop calling Emile’s colleague who was in the same field as him a head doctor derogatorily in his head.)

For now, he just glanced at Emile. “You’re trying to bully me into letting you help pack with logic, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Emile confirmed without remorse.

“Fine,” Janus sighed, “but only if you let me do the dishes for you.”

Emile took a long moment to consider the offer. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said, “but okay.”

“And no doing anything sneaky like getting bags ready for me on your own while I’m doing it or the deal is off,” Janus said.

“You always think of all possible loopholes, Janus,” Emile sighed.

There was a long silence.

“Agree, you prick,” said Janus.

“No promises,” Emile replied cheekily with laughter in his eyes, and things were good for a moment more.

#sanders sides #janus sanders #emile piccani #patton sanders #mociet #time travel #character with depression #character with ptsd #character with anxiety #folds in time universe #folds in paper #adriana writes

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fictionadventurer · 1 year ago

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Victober Wrap-Up

The Romance of a Shop by Amy Levy: I read this one on October 1st. Very easy, very fun, if very underwritten, read about four sisters who open a photography shop. Gives a fascinating perspective on a different side of Victorian daily life.

The Europeans by Henry James: I forgot this one almost immediately after reading it, but I did enjoy it. The best way I can describe what I like about Henry James is that he writes like a woman. There's a concern for the inner lives of characters and the little moments of daily life that you usually don't see from male authors, and it works really well for the types of stories he tells.

Miss Meredith by Amy Levy: Short novella about a young woman who takes a job as a governess in Italy, and who gets a much nicer romance out of it than most of those types of characters. It's nothing ground-breaking, but it's fun to see her perspective on the setting, and the romance reminded me so much of some scenes from an old, beloved, abandoned WIP that I couldn't help liking it more than it probably deserved.

The Law and the Lady by Wilkie Collins: I loved the heroine of this book. I was so invested in her story. She was going to solve the mystery of her husband's past, no matter who stood in her way. Her (hilariously) pathetic wet napkin of a husband doesn't deserve her, but he needs her, and she loves him a lot, so I can root for them. It's astounding to me that a Victorian man can write such good female characters. They get to be people--strong-willed, intelligent, flawed, the center of their own stories rather than just a prop in someone else's. My love for Valeria papered over a lot of other flaws in this story (some not-great use of disabled characters, for one), and I'm seriously considering picking up another of his books next month. (They have perfect November vibes).

The Leavenworth Case by Anna Katharine Green: Not technically Victorian (it's American), but still the right time period. Apparently, this is where a lot of the detective genre started. I love the detective--he's got a quirk of not making eye contact with people, and I love that he's explicitly so working-class than he can't pass himself off as a gentleman for investigating this high-society crime--but I don't care about any of the characters, and the writing's not great. (Though it's kind of hilarious how often the narrator gets information because people come up to him and go, "You're a lawyer, right? Let me ask for advice about an intricate situation that just happens to tie into the case you're investigating.") I'm about 2/3 done with the audiobook, but it's going to be a bit of a slog to finish.

A Child's Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson: I'd probably find this a bit too cutesy most of the time, but I read this on a Sunday when I was feeling under-the-weather, and it was exactly what I needed. Very sweet, easy read.

Wuthering Heights by Emile Brontë: I made it a chapter and a half. It's a Hard No.

Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith: I heard it was short and funny, so I tried a couple of pages. Maybe there's a cultural divide, but I just wasn't feeling it.

The Odd Women by George Gissing: I tried a couple of chapter of the audiobook, because a story about women working as typists in late-Victorian England sounds right up my alley. I'm only two chapters in, but I'm debating whether to go further, because he already writes about women like a man--way too detailed descriptions of their physical appearance that suggest they're already decrepit in their early 30s, a suggestion that "we leave it to the men to decide if she'd be attractive"--and that doesn't bode well for a book with a female cast. It is just about to introduce the "progressive" woman who's about to drag the main characters into this newfangled job, so maybe it'd get better, but I'm not sure I'm invested enough to try.

#books #victober

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katrinegrey · 1 year ago

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Notes from Blue Box Press' IG Live w/Jennifer L Armentrout (ASOAAB- 7/20/2023)

These are a culmination of the big notes I made while watching the IG live (which should be on Blue Box Press' IG if you want to watch yourself). This is for my reference going forward, but I thought y'all might enjoy it too.

-Always had planned to do a Casteel POV of From Blood and Ash

-Realized a Cas POV would've been a lot of standing around, guard duty, and bickering w/Vikter so she switched things up.

-Wanted ASOAAB to move the plot forward a bit more than your standard retelling would.

-JLA Always knew that Poppy would go into stasis at some point. We'll learn more about stasis in A Fire in the Flesh in October.

-Tried to put as much new material in ASOAAB as possible. Was difficult to fit more new material in when working within the tight timeline already present in FBAA.

-From the mouth of JLA: If you haven't read TWOTQ, somethings in ASOAAB won't make sense. If you haven't read ASOAAB, some things in the next installment won't make sense.

-The labeling/naming of the chapters was very intentional. "If Cas had to summarize that part of his life..."

-Some of JLA's favorite parts of ASOAAB: The Duke scene, the scene after they arrived at New Haven, and the opening line to the chapter 'Necessary Supplies'.

-Hardest scenes to write were formulating the justifications for Cas' actions onto paper even though she already knew them.

-As for knowing when a book ends "You just know." The story tells you. You might go in with one ending, but the story has a different plan.

-Next book is last with Poppy and Cas as narrators (mentioned briefly that they might not be the ONLY narrators in the next book). There is one more book planned after Poppy and Cas' next book that sounds like a continuation of the plot. It just won't have Poppy and Cas at the helm.

-Male POV's are easier for her to write than female.

-Sera acts first and dwells on her actions and such later whereas Poppy thinks over every little thing first before acting.

-Ash has unhinged moments but is more stable/smooth than Cas. Not a lot of knee jerk reactions from Ash.

-ASOAAB took 3 months to write.

-Readers favorite scenes tend to be the more filler scenes. "Emil's life gets threatened a lot in those scenes." These are used to flesh out secondary characters and provide humor.

-Why honeydew? It was a personal joke she inserted because a lot of older historical romance novels will describe "down there" as 'smelling like peaches'. She thought that was funny and tossed honeydew in and it stuck.

-Delano as a marshmallow started in JLAnders like Casserole and Daddy Nyktos.

-"Why do you like torturing us?" "Because it's fun?"

-Doesn't ever set out to make people cry. Wants people when they get to the last book of a series to feel like they're 'in a good place'. She will always end with a HEA. It's just that the journey to get there will hurt.

-She considers her bonus scenes she writes outside of the books 'partly out of canon'. This applies to Cupcakes & Kisses bonus scene.

-When writing about trauma and mental health, she tries to keep the characters' responses as realistic as possible. Doesn't like characters who always respond perfectly to everything because 'that's just not real!'

-Information for the Visions compendium: A lot of information comparable to an editor's bible. Told in Miss Willa's style. Visions will have diary entries from Miss Willa, information about bloodlines, gods, dieties, wolven, etc., original artwork (characters, crowns, craven, draken, thrones, etc.), bonus scenes (one with Poppy & Tawny among others), JLA interviewing Kieran ("He was a fucking asshole!" "was just not having it!".

-"Who do you plan on killing next?" "Everyone."

-Will there be a B&A/F&F crossover? "Yeah?!" (Sera is awake and when she woke, she also woke all of the other gods and "other things". Upon waking, Sera was immediately "someone's gonna get their ass whooped" and Ash gets her to back off.

-AFITF originally had a different name.

-Went right from writing ASOAAB into writing AFITF.

-"You would've thought Cas descended from Sera." [with how they act sometimes] "Vastly different characters that are sometimes similar in the things they do."

-Cas is many, many, many generations down from Attes. "Not like he's his grandad."

-JLA has a heavy hand in the covers, what she wants to see in them. She made a point of wanting poppies to be featured on ASOAAB's cover because they haven't been featured yet. Originally wanted the Atlantian crest, but that wouldn't have worked with the story. Instead the bloodstone sword and sun were chosen.

-"Pay very close attention to the maps in coming books."

-Kieran doesn't have a middle name. Most don't. It's certain elemental Atlantian's at this point who do.

I'm sorry if I forgot anything major! Let me know if you guys have any theories sparking from anything that was said today!

#jennifer l armentrout #asoaab spoilers #asoaab #instagram live #blue box press #from blood and ash #casteel da’neer #kieran contou #flesh and fire series

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roxyteal · 4 months ago

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So, concerning WTTW. It's been almost three months now, and I'm deeply sorry for it taking so long to put out the epilogue. Even worse since it's only supposed to be as long as the prologue was.

But instead of making everyone go "wait that's it?" after the long wait, I'm going to do another double update. When the epilogue drops, so will the chapter 2 expansion. Yeah, I'm working on that; I want to flesh it out properly so that it fits in with the rest of the chapters' lengths. Like, as of this writing, ch 2 is the last remnant of the time where I wasn't planning a whole story. So I'm gonna fix that.

All in all, this way there'll be a little more to have looked forward to. I hope it's enough. I don't know when they'll be out, but as always I'll share them when they do.

And yeah, looking back I also feel guilty that instead of just making the epilogue, I instead wrote a few things on the side that're only tangentially related at best, and was mostly just for fun. None of which is on AO3 because I don't know where I could put them in terms of fic listings. If I figure anything out with that, I'll port them there, if desired.

Anyway, one preview for each thing I'm working on, and then more information, will be in the Keep Reading. If you wish to stop reading this post here, I just want to say: Thank you to everyone for enjoying WTTW while it lasted thus far. I know I say this to literally anyone who so much as says they liked it, but I genuinely mean it from the bottom of my heart. This story, like all others I do, has been a labor of love.

You have my gratitude.

Ch 2:

Epilogue:

Okay, now for more information.

For my next work, I really want to get to that final Baldi STG story, and it would conclude that series for the foreseeable future. Here's what you can expect from it:

Working title is "One Final SUM"

Return of C Baldi, his friends, players, and Plus

Introduction to Susan Summerton, her in-house physician Jared (surname WIP), Andrew, Doug, and BADSUM (!!!)

Existential crisis over creator expectations vs organic developments (particularly with M)

WTTW is mentioned but doesn't affect the overarching narrative, so readers don't need to read it to understand what this one's going for, and vice versa

The Ending of All Time

Then? Well, I have considered a WTTW sequel. What could I possibly do with that? Thing is, I have a bunch of ideas for it, but I would have to find a way to string them together cohesively. But here's what I do know, and am willing to share:

It would be set in the future, probably the 2030's

Takes place in a myriad of locations on the Internet, from Neocities sites to Google Earth. The Webspace as we knew it is gone, and remains only as an archived domain

Some major characters have changed in some way and/or have been separated as a result. Some characters never written about previously will have time to shine

Variations of pre-established character types may appear (wow more clones can ya believe it)

Introduction to a new character entirely. Everyone please say hi to Emil. He's from a fangame prototype called "Detective Emil: Private Eye". It was never finished, but was instead thrown Online. But to be clear, it doesn't exist

This story's more like a "reunite everybody" kind of feel

It's Alex's fault

I think that's all for now. Thanks for reading up to this point!

#baldis basics #BBSTGau #BBAU #WTTW #fanfic update #spoilers

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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 1 year ago

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To Make a Heaven of Hell (6/?)

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After messing up cooking canned soup, Virgil decides maybe he'll try his luck going to a restaurant with some of the others instead.

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| <- Previous | First | Next -> |

Chapter warnings: None as far as I'm aware.

Notes:

It feels like it's been ages - I'm not sure if it actually has or not, or if I'm just imagining time passing again, but hey.

Chapter 6! We're getting new characters next chapter baybee

Just for copywrite sake btw, unless I specify otherwise I did not come up with any place names in this fic lmao. All credit to that goes to Jaysea.

“So,” Emile said sitting Virgil down on a nearby bench, “How’re you finding the Hellp Desk?”

“Oh- uhm- it’s pretty good?” Virgil said, frowning, they hadn’t quite been expecting an interrogation when they got down here, then again, maybe Emile was just curious? “I mean - they’re all really nice? And I’m glad I’m allowed to stay with them - gives me something to do.”

“That’s great! Keeping busy is such fun, and I’ve heard the desk is great for some catharsis too,” Emile winked, Virgil was pretty sure that was referring to beating up pedophiles with spiked bats, but he couldn’t be certain.

“Yeah,” Virgil nodded, “Judy makes great snacks too.”

“Oh her pies are just the best aren’t they?” Emile laughed, “She shares them with us sometimes - oh! So whats your paradise like? Assuming you have one, of course?”

“Oh-” Virgil said, trying to keep himself from visibly recoiling at the question, but already he felt that sick feeling pool back into his stomach, what would Emile think? When he found out that Virgil was still to much of a coward to even approach his door? “I…”

Emile watched him for a moment, face falling, “Oh… are you like Ruggy? A hell-bound soul working for the desk?”

“No- no, I have a paradise I just…” Virgil quickly corrected, before mumbling, “Can’t accept it…”

The demon’s frown turned into something a lot more sympathetic as he patted Virgil on the shoulder - giving him a second to move away before doing so. Virgil accepted the touch just a little stiffly.

“I see, well - we have a lot of souls come through here, ones sent and ones who have paradise,” Emile said, “You’re more thna welcome to come down here to chat whenever you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Sure as sugar’s sweet!” Emile grinned, standing back up, “I gotta get back to work, but I'll see you round?”

“Sure,” Virgil shrugged, Emile winked at him before walking away, tail swaying behind him.

Well. That was something that just happened.

Virgil didn’t move from that bench for a long moment - long enough for another one of the demons to stop and ask if he was alright - but eventually he stsod up, ran himself through one of the breathing exercises an old friend had taught him back in the mortal world and walked out of level one as confidently as he could possibly manage.

—-

Another night, a few days later, Virgil had been left alone in Lily’s house once again. She had left a couple things out in the kitchen that he could make up for dinner - and she’d also given him the names of a few decent restaurants and pubs he could go to instead the second night he had stayed with her.

It was odd, Virgil thought as he attempted to cook up a can of soup using the stove, how quickly he’d adapted to this lifestyle. He wasn’t even so scared of going near the oven now.

But it was strange, too, because Virgil hadn’t had a parental figure in his life for… a few years, and even when his parents were around they weren’t… good.

They wondered if the relationship they seemed to be gaining with Lily was something like what a parent was supposed to be. At least to a teenager.

There was no reference point - nothing in his previous life was at all similar to this, especially not his own parents. So this was uncharted territory. Virgil felt a little bit like he was wading through the ocean wearing a blindfold, he had no clue which step would end up with a rock through his foot.

And he knew he was being overly cautious. Lily wouldn’t hurt him, he knew that now. The old fear was just still there nagging at the back of his mind.

The soup was… disappointing. Virgil didn’t think you should be able to fuck up canned soup - especially not in paradise, literally all he needed to do was heat it up, but somehow he’d messed it up anyway. They sighed and got rid of the disgusting soup before looking - for the first proper time - at the list of restaurants Lily had stuck to the fridge.

None of the names were familiar to him - maybe one or two he had heard in passing, but he hadn’t yet been anywhere other than Common Grounds. Going out somewhere would mean good food, but it would also mean eating alone around strangers and potentially getting lost. So, for obvious reasons, Virgil didn’t really want to do that.

Maybe he didn’t have to go alone, though.

Pulling out their phone, Virgil opened up the groupchat Lily had added him to and contemplated sending a message.

The groupchat consisted of everyone they knew at the Hellp Desk - as well as a number of users he didn’t know the identities of. He was fairly certain that one of them was Remus’ twin brother, specifically the one with a Disney profile picture with the nickname ‘Your Prince Charming’ who constantly talked about theatre and insulted Remus. Two of the chat members had matching profile pictures (of the angel and demon characters from that one show he’d seen all over tumblr a few months before they died but had never gotten round to watching) and Virgil was fairly certain they were Emile and his husband now that he’d met the demon.

There were a few users who he couldn’t guess the identities of, though, he assumed they were just more of Lily’s friends and family and tried his best not to throw his phone whenever one of them talked to him. He was used to interacting with people online, it wasn’t that different if he had the very real chance of meeting these people he kept sending dumb memes to in person at some point.

Currently there were no conversations going on - but it was rare for the groupchat to be quiet for long. Virgil wouldn’t be interrupting anyone if they sent a message, so why were they so nervous about it? Maybe because he’d never been the first to start a conversation here before? Maybe it’s because he was making a request this time, and not just sending a reactive meme or responding to a conversation.

Virgil took a deep breath and let it out with a shake of their head, this was a non-issue, barely even a problem, not something to be stressed about, just send the damn message.

<xx4llpanic-nod!scoxx> Hey guys - is anyone around? I wanna get something to eat but don’t wanna go alone ._.

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> Just wondering if anyone wanted to come with maybe - haven’t decided where yet or anything

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> I don’t want to get lost

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> or stared at, yknow. But it’s fine if not no pressure.

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> Sorry I’m spamming - i’ll shut up.

Virgil paused in their word vomit, trying to take deep breaths, they’d sent something now and that was great. Now he just had to wait for a response - oh, and he should probably apologise about the smell in Lily’s kitchen.

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> Oh, wanted to say sorry abt the smell in ur kitchen @Nearamir I fucked up canned soup.

<TacoTime> How do you fuck up canned soup??

<Your Prince Charming> I’ve done it.

<TacoTime> Yeah but you’re you, I’m asking how baby V fucked up canned soup.

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> Literally no idea man idk what to tell u.

<Nickel> Greg and I are spending tonight in my paradise - sorry V! I hope someone will go with you <3 (also, are you okay?)

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> Other than the crushing weight of eternal existence? I’m fien, soups not tho.

Virgil sighed, unsure if he’d even get a response at this point. They all seemed distracted by the soup disaster, but hey-! Only one person had actually said they couldn’t go so far. Of course, he knew that meant Greg couldn’t either, Lily and Bel were all out doing something too, so they wouldn’t be able to either, which left…. Not many people. Now that he thought about it.

<TheMonsterUnderUrBed> HEy emo u wanna come w/ me and the front deathk nerd we were gonna register for trivia at luckyleaf if u wanna come n get smth 2 eat??

Virgil sighed in relief, okay, maybe it was Remus - who he wasn’t sure he was comfortable eating around - but Logan would be there too. Seeing him again would be pretty cool, he still needed to say thank you properly for the help when Virgil first arrived. Besides, Logan seemed nice, he wouldn’t mind seeing if they could be friends… Lily had said eternity was better the more friends you made. Virgil thought it would be worth a shot.

<xx4llpanic-nod!sc0xx> K cool! I’ll tag along - where should I meet u?”

<TheMonsterUnderUrBed> yk tir na nog? meet us in 15?

Virgil sent back a hasty thumbs up before rushing back to his bedroom to find something to wear more appropriate for generally being outside than what he was currently wearing (a cat t-shirt and sweatpants, to be exact). He was fairly certain the gate to Tír na nÓg was just along a hallway he passed on the way to Hell. He just hoped he was remembering right.

Once he’d changed into something far more appropriate for leaving Lily’s house and fixed his hair, he rushed back out - nearly disturbing Max - and grabbed a bag too, just in case.

After checking themself over in the mirror, Virgil headed out into the paradise realm.

Fifteen minutes after seeing Remus’ message, nearly on the dot, Virgil found himself stood waiting outside of the gate to Tír na nÓg, he could actually see the pub Remus had mentioned a little further down the hall, but he’d been told to wait here, so wait here he would. As Virgil waited for Remus to arrive with Logan, he began to wonder if he had actually missed them, or read the message wrong - or gone to the wrong place, maybe. But almost ten minutes later, Remus arrived, bouncing along the corridor with a disgruntled and ruffled looking Logan in tow.

“Hi!” Remus grinned once they’d stopped in front of him, “Logan, emo, emo, Logan.”

“We’ve met,” Logan said, straightening the tie he wore under a blue diamond patterned sweater vest. Virgil wilted a little at Logan’s harsh tone, did he not want to be here? - or did he not want Virgil here?

“Hi,” Virgil said weakly.

“Hello, Virgil, I’m glad to see you made it out on the right side,” Logan said, tone immediately becoming less harsh, though it still had that same professional air about it - Virgil wondered if Logan was just like that.

“Yup, I’m glad I’m here too,” Virgil chuckled, “Um…”

“I heard you had taken up a position with Hell’s help desk,” Logan prompted as they began to walk, Remus seemed happy to walk alongside them, humming along to some tune and swinging Logan’s hand - which Logan either hadn’t noticed that bay’d grabbed or didn’t care about.

“Oh yeah - I uh- Judy introduced me to them and Lily sorta… adopted me, I think,” Virgil chuckled, “Oh wait- Remus?”

“Yesss?” Remus said, letting go of Logan’s hand and turning to walk backwards so xa could look at Virgil, “What’s up?”

“You mentioned signing up for trivia-” Virgil started, before being cut off.

“Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Me and Lo are signing up a team for the trivia!” Remus giggled.

“Yes,” Logan nodded, before noting Virgil’s confusion, “Every month Luckyleaf hosts a large trivia night, in which varied teams will compete, Remus has convinced me to enter a team with him and a few others this month.”

“Oh cool, sounds fun,” Virgil said, smiling, “Who’s on your team?”

“Me, the nerd, obviously, the shark, the intern,” Remus listed off on fizz fingers, “Oh, pinkie-pie and the coffee angel, though we’re one person short.”

Virgil stared in confusion as Remus raised an eyebrow, Logan sighed.

“Remus and I, Sharkie, Dantillian, Emile and his husband Remy, our team is called ‘Logan and the nincompoops.’ which I personally find distasteful but Remus is certain it’s humorous.”

Virgil snorted, “You said you were one person short?”

“Yeahh - we can’t find anyone else who’s chill with just doing this for fun, they’re all too competitive, and I heard Jan was on the Roman deity’s team again so we’re gonna get crushed anyway.”

“I am only doing this because Remus believes it will be funny.” Logan said, “Especially if we somehow do decently.”

“Remus is right, that is funny,” Virgil laughed, “Is anyone allowed to participate?”

“Yeah! Anyone!,” Remus nodded, “Why, d’you wanna?”

Virgil couldn’t help how he blushed and went quiet. He did want to join, a trivia tournament where he wasn’t actually expected to be super smart sounded like a lot of fun, they’d know everyone there - except Emile’s husband, they wondered what he was like - but if Remus didn’t want them…

“You’re welcome to be part of our team, if you would like to join,” Logan followed up on Remus’ comment, “We’d be glad to have you.”

“I’m no good at trivia,” Virgil said, before frowning, “Well - I suppose unless ‘Tumblr trends and holidays’ comes up as a topic.”

Remus snorted, “I mean, maybe, we’ve had some weird shit in there before, but yea, it’s chill - we’re called ‘Logan and the Nincompoops’ for a reason, y’know.”

“Right,” Virgil said, looking around at both of them, Remus looked to be vibrating out of eir skin with excitement, while Logan was more subdued, Virgil could see the hopeful glint in his eyes, “Yeah, sure, I’d love to join.”

----

General tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

Hell's Belles AU tags: @awitchbravestheverge @twoalpacas @goldnskyart @anxious-mess19 @doteddestroyer :)

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#sanders sides #virgil sanders #ts virgil #my fic #fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides virgil #remus sanders #ts remus #logan sanders #ts logan

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elluia · 11 months ago

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My 2023 fanfic recs & recap [5/5]

This is a multi-part series, with a countdown to the New Year!

Navigation

The best of Ike x Soren fanfics

The best of Fire Emblem fanfics (Genealogy, Three Houses, Engage, Heroes)

The best of misc. series (Omori, Long Live The Queen, Stardew Valley)

The Spicy™ best-of (bonk)

My 2023 works recap (Fódlan and Tellius) YOU ARE HERE

All of my fanfics are part of the Fire Emblem series, and posted on AO3. This post is my own recap and self rec.

Moonlit Oath (FE3H) – ONGOING 📖 (posted 4 chapters; 43,256 words)

A long… very long, slow-burn story of Ferdinand promoted to protagonist and going through hell for it, I guess? Contains a lot of romance, intrigue, epic battles, and month-long waits between 10K+ updates 💀

His Sweat and Blood (FE3H) – COMPLETED 📘 (posted 2 chapters: 13,018 words)

Cyril’s backstory. From war orphan to prisoner of war, he’s just trying to survive.

He’s a favourite of mine, and I’ll give him the love he deserves. Also a big emphasis on the lovely family he found at the Monastery.

Final Farewell (FE3H) – COMPLETED 📘 (posted 3 chapters; 16,451 words)

Mercedes’s backstory. To gain her freedom from House Bartels, she sacrificed Emile’s.

Heavy period drama vibes, with her mom being my MVP among the parents of Fódlan. The story also shows a less idealised Mercie in her youth.

The Strong Survive (PoR) – COMPLETED 📘 (one-shot; 6,061 words)

Ashnard challenges Soren to a duel on the final battle for Crimea’s liberation. Writing Ashnard’s PoV was very fun.

A Cutting Truth (PoR) – COMPLETED 📘 (one-shot; 5,233 words)

Knife Sage Soren, taken seriously. Heavy angst as expected, with a hopeful ending.

(❁´◡`❁) As writers, we need to celebrate our victories over every blank page, bad vibe, schedule slip… I feel drained, but I will celebrate my writing victories of 2023.

I started a lot of projects for Whumptober 2022, and I managed to finish them (with very elaborate backstories) before they hit their one-year anniversary 🥳

I had fun making some memes for Moonlit Oath, because I’ve been writing this fic since 2020 and I love these characters too much by now.

I finally wrote my first Tellius fanfics because Soren got to shine in Heroes and Engage 🏆 My favourite character… I’ve finally done it 🥺

84,019 words posted in total 🤯 Much more in WIPs. I managed to write all of that despite being sick for a grand total of 3 months, I think. This year fucking sucked for so many reasons 💀 I might burn-out if I try that again next year though…

Thank you for reading these fic recs and this recap! See you next year?

#elluia writes #fe3h #feh #moonlit oath #soren #ferdinand von aegir #tellius #fe9 #cyril fe3h #mercedes von martritz #fic rec #fanfic rec #self rec

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nicegaai · 11 months ago

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sorry i want to ramble about fan fiction and i dont want to bothr people in dms

ok chapter 8 is getting its third googledoc draft because part of me does want to do as much of this as possible before the end of the year, especially while i still have so much free time.

thank you to past me for writing up the scene by scene breakdown. that DOES make this much easier to continue on. HOWEVER. why did i leave so much open ended. thats making this much harder. like

everything was left like this. and then when i add dialogue it changes the course of the scene pretty dramatically. ive spent like an hour today trying to iron out one scene i thought i had THE MOST polished up already. like. Carsex Scene was supposed to be my ease-in easy bit. HOW DO WRITERS DO THIS? im NOT cut out for this kind of work.

well this past year has given me a lot of respect for people who can write. ahhhhh

oh yeah also i cant find the whole first scene for this chapter. i wrote it a while ago and i have NO idea what happened to it. fml i guess

i think if i started rambling on about the plot it might get me into Real Writing Mode but im struggling to do this. thats what im trying to accomplish here with this textpost but it isnt workign yet HELP

ok no i can do this.

first scene i have dennor being cute togehter. unfortunately i havent figured out the whole second half of the scene. my notes are like "they talk about their relationship" and like ok i know this is necessary and ive been putting off them doing this for like 4 chapters but i dont know what to do with that. they should have a talk about the state of their relationship but i have discarded drafts of like mads confessing his love to sig which is no longer canon. i had a version where there was a subplot about them breaking up. now i just want them to have the polyamory talk, bcz someone has to and im not making sufin do it. but tbh i could leave it implied. and just put that off until the fic is over bc i dont care I JUST DONT CARE i dont feel like it

next was more sufin moments i think given some time i could make this bit really good. i love sufin. i love them being together this part is fine actually i just need to start it and the inspiration will come

next umm lets see. OH ACTUALLY this one is funny. im really into this scene even though i can sense it getting really really long. whenever i get into fleshing this scene out im goign to enjoy it. its denice and dennor having awkward boyfriend-sharing interactions. and nor is like sooo how are those wet dreams going lol and ice is like . well youre definitely not in them lol uhhhhhhh. jk he doesnt say this but he thinks it. his life is so hard u guize

the next bit .................. im trying to shoehorn in some norfin. im trying to set up that they should be besties and hang out more. because its true and right. unfortunately this "scene" is 2 lines long bc i wasnt sure what to do with it. could i drop it? yes. but for plot reasons I DONT WANT TOOOO. but what is the scene about? nothing, but i gotta fit in 2 important plot points and so i shall. maybe they will even do a sex. WHO KNOWS! NOT ME

next bit is another one that could get real long if i let it. i love the densu nation and i need their crumbs. i need them to hang out. IS IT PLOT IMPORTANT? maybe not. but TO ME i think it is CHARACTER IMPORTANT. theres some foreshadowing. actually maybe 2 layers of foreshadowing that begin here. and also they are playing videos game and being children about it and i love them

next bittttttttt emil feels like a fifth wheel and gets in his emotions about it :( this scene im feeling ok about even though its vague so far. its a good starting point. i can do something with this

next bit UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH AUUUUUUUUGHHHHH i dotn want to write this one. hm. actually i didnt realize i felt that strongly about this scene. i dont know if its because it sucks narratively, or its just not fun enough... writing emil at school with his friends is just not fun for me in general. i love hk and liech but this is just not my thinggg. it doesnt help that i ended the scene with saying "ughh something happens and plans fall through and i dont know how lol" like what am i supposed to do with that. but i think this scene will end up being important. a whole sideplot rides on this. if i deleted it, it might get confusing at the end. maybe i can just simplify it? eventually. maybe ill cut it out in the end anyway.

oh and then the last scene is the carsex scene. epicballs, i skipped ahead and im working on this first.

ew actually now that ive typed this all up, it sounds like a hell of a lot of work. what am i doingggg. im such a slow writer T_T what AM i doing

step 1 i need to stop editing as i go and just slam down some vibes in the goog doc. i got good at this for a while but ive lost that mojo. i need to revive her *looks at time* maybe tomorrow or something. or for a couple hours >_> if im very good at time management tonight

if anyone is reading this hi

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philliamwrites · 2 years ago

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SWYAATL 12: Raised by Wolves and Voices

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x fem! Reader

Summary: “Wouldn’t that be something.” Jean sniffs, his breath coming out in white plums. “Erasing events from the past, making stuff never have happened. You’d have to be, like, God or something to do that.” “I don’t know. I get you’d want the unpleasant stuff gone, but it’s what makes you the person you are today, right? Even all the bad stuff, I don’t think I’d want that just taken away from me.” Especially without you knowing.

Notes: [01] || 11 | 13

Words: 8.1k

A/N: guys, thank you so so much for all the interest in the story and the love and the messages you send me. there are no words how much i love you guys, you all deserve an eren to kiss you ❤️❤️

Chapter 12: Raised by Wolves and Voices

“Psst, dude.” Connie’s pointy elbow does a pretty good job drilling a hole into your side. “Take a look.”

“I’m kinda busy here myself,” you say, knocking your elbow against his arm, the tips of your fingers stained ink blue. It quickly turns into a fight of who can keep their arm on the table that nobody seems to win. Turns out, Connie is a formidable opponent.

“Just a quick look,” he whispers. “I don’t get what’s wrong with my notes.” He slides a piece of paper over to you, and you need some time to decipher the words.

Supplie Requasition Bread: A bunch Potatos: Around 5 boxes? Milk: Not spoiled Blades: Enough to attack Titans Gas: A good amount

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t get it either.”

At that moment, Shadis passes your table and takes a look at Connie’s requisition paper. “Now, would you all look at Cadet Springer,” he calls, turning to the room. He plucks the paper from the table by one corner with his thumb and index finger as if it was something particularly filthy he spotted under his kitchen sink. “That is what I call unique!”

Connie beams. “Thanks, sir!”

“Uniquely shit!!”

“Oh.”

“Do it again!”

Shadis marches on, sharp eyes searching for his next prey like a hawk. Connie sags against the backrest of his chair, groaning. “Why do I gotta do this stupid stuff? Put me out in the field, that’s where I belong.”

“Even out in the field, you should have a good feeling for the supplies you have on you.” You finish up your concluding statement on Bordieun Field Theory as an Instrument for Military Operations. You’d hoped to have Armin give it a read, but he’s already left for lunch. When you submit the paper to Shadis, he simply acknowledges it with a curt nod and shoos you away like an annoying fly.

“Oh, come on, don’t leave me here,” Connie whines when you pack up your stuff to head over to the canteen where the rest of your corps is already enjoying their break. “I’ll never finish at this rate.”

“You can do it.” You pat his shaved head. “Try to think about it in actual numbers and be specific as you put them down. It’s fine if you do it in your own words.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll try.”

You leave him slumped over his work and set out snuggled into your warm military coat, upturning your collar to help against the biting cold. The canteen is on the opposite side of the lesson building, but the frosty cobblestone plaza makes the jog take much longer. One false step will guarantee you bruises nastier than any handed to you during hand-to-hand combat practice.

It’s a busy day on the Main Compound. Many cadets and full-fledged soldiers linger, and you pass a group of third years near the main entrance, their hands all stuffed deep inside the warmth of their coat pockets. They jostle and bump against one another, laughing, stamping their feet against the cold snap, the first gasp of winter having arrived weeks earlier than anticipated. You recognise Sylvia, who salutes in your direction. You tap two fingers against your temple as a reply. It is her last winter as a cadet before she graduates in spring next year. The 104th has only one more year to go, and then you will be full-fledged soldiers as well.

Just one more year until the people you have grown close to all walk the paths to their distinctive futures like the last leaves clinging desperately to their familiar branches, but unable to hold on as the sharp, cold winter wind scatters them to new horizons. Time waits for no one, yet still you wish you could have a little more with the friends you have made.

You duck under the stone archway and join the constant stream of soldiers entering the canteen. It is a wide, high-ceilinged building running all the way to the far back of the compound and housing dozens upon dozens of long, narrow tables and benches. On one side, behind multiple counters spread with different meals, garnishes and a diverse assortment of drinks and juices, kitchen hands and scullions scurry from workplace to workplace, tending to the soldiers standing in line to pile as much food as they can carry on their rectangular tin plates. The vast assortment is exactly why you prefer eating here: hearty cabbage potato stew, freshly baked bread unlike the hardened leftovers you get at your mess hall. The smell of garlicky, grilled leek wafts from one end of the long counter. They might have made a pact with the devil for all the additional seasoning on their hands, seeing as one of the cooks drops a pinch of what looks like dried dill into a huge pot of boiled potatoes in a thick herb cream.

After a quick survey of the room you find your desired table and quickly get into line to fetch your meal. Tray filled to the brim with little plates carrying various dishes, you make your way through the crowd, accidentally bumping into people and dodging flying elbows with swift steps Shadis would be proud of.

They’ve settled at tables at the very far end of the room, the only set where only two benches stand by the tables so whenever cadets seize them, they usually push them together so more people can sit, facing each other. When you are within reach, you give everyone a single, respectful nod, except Eren and Jean. The first gets a small bowl full of pickled radishes, the latter a plate piled to the edges with thickly sliced carrots.

“Comrades,” you say, all haughty, your chin raised when you sit down next to Jean. The look on his face is one of unabashed, utter disgust. Eren’s face is full of contemplation as if he is debating if it’s worth it to reach over the table and slap you.

They both, without a word or another acknowledgement of your benevolence, pass the plates on to Sasha who gives a happy chirp and dives right in. You shake your head, stirring gravy into your mashed potatoes. “Where’s Armin?” you ask.

“The library,” comes from Mikasa. You have learnt she is a person of few words but a whole catalogue of looks. The one she sends Eren now is worth an hour of chiding in itself. “Said he was looking for something for the upcoming Snow Trekking Exam.”

“Aren’t they throwing way too many exams around lately?” says Samuel. He keeps throwing urgent gazes towards the main entrance as if waiting for someone. Everyone seems a little on edge, waiting for the news from the Post Master that letters and packages from friends and relatives have finally arrived. You are eager as well. Maybe this time, Ida and Felix have sent an answer.

“We are getting close to starting our third year,” Reiner says. He is stirring lazily in a big cup of steaming tea, his plate lying forgotten beside him even though he has only finished half of it. “It’s only normal that tasks get harder, that we get more exams. They want to make sure the next batch of soldiers is strong and capable.” His eyes linger on Mikasa for a moment, almost a little thoughtful. It is no secret that she remains the undisputed number one cadet and in whatever military branch she will end up, she will rise in rank quickly.

He then turns his keen eyes on you, and grins. “Have you given it a second thought? It’s the third time you’re in the top ten now. You could hold rank eight with a little more, consistent effort.”

You are spared answering when Armin, his face half-hidden behind thick layers of his wool scarf, emerges from the sea of soldiers and joins you, three thick books slipping from his arms onto the table. You pick one by its corners, pulling it close so you can read the title. Operations in Snow and Extreme Cold.

Eren leans in close to you, oblivious to the fabric of his black sweatshirt hanging dangerously close to his plate. The expression he is wearing is distinctly one of Not in front of my salad. “What’s this?” he asks, frowning.

“It’s a book,” you say, flipping open the first pages to skim through it. “You should pick up one and read it.”

“Or I could just smack you with it.”

“So eloquent.”

The corners of his mouth tug upward, as if he is trying to fight the grin that is trying to break free but he is also aware of how bad his performance is in this battle. For the first time, he looks as if he doesn’t mind losing this particular fight.

Armin takes the book from your reach before Eren can put his words into action and start mauling people with it. Eren leans back, sulking. “I was just looking for some easy reads on snow operations,” Armin says. “It’s the first time we’re really out there and I want to be prepared.”

“Shadis gave us a really long lecture this time,” says Samuel. “I dunno, kinda makes me want to skip it, pretend I got the flu or something.”

“It’ll be dangerous, for sure.” Reiner pushes his remaining meal over to Bertholdt who accepts it without a word and starts munching on a lettuce leaf. It makes him look like a baby goat. “He said we’ll spend every lesson until the exam date going over survival guides, gear check, map reading. Everything to prepare us to survive the worst.”

Jean rolls his eyes. “I don’t get the big deal, it’s like he’s thinking the moment we step out into the cold, we’ll all get lost.”

“Well, the books state that when operations fail it is mostly due to human error,” Armin pipes up, struggling to get out of his sleeve until Mikasa grabs onto one tail and tugs his arm free. “Soldiers underestimating the cold, not taking enough gear with them or unable to start a fire out in the open at fifty degrees below zero.” A sort of excitement settles over him as he recites the books’ contents. “They all state that in operations outside the Walls during winter, more soldiers die from hypothermia than attacks from wild animals or Titans.”

“But we are instructed to stay together, right?” Samuel sits up a little straighter now, more alert. “This isn’t like the previous exams where we have to split up and every group gets their own task?”

“That’s probably next year.” Jean grins. “You know, if you make it through this one.”

He cackles at Samuel’s horrid expression, earning a gentle nudge with his elbow from Marco who is stuffing his cheeks full with potatoes. He looks like a squirrel.

Samuel opens his mouth to answer, but then something from the entrance catches his sight and he half-stands from the bench, staring eagerly. Multiple heads turn around, watching Connie hurry down the aisle towards the table swinging around a handful of letters.

“The mail carriers have finally arrived!” he announces, throwing himself in the free seat and right into Sasha. She half-chokes on a mouthful of radishes.

Immediately, Samuel is on his feet, tray in his head. “Godspeed, comrades,” he dismisses you all, and vanishes towards the kitchen ladies near the kitchen sinks to drop off his empty plates.

Jean and you share a glance, and shoving the plates to the edge of the table, Jean elbows you out of the way. When he stands, he stretches like a cat and spreads his arms wide. “You think Mom sent us some chocolate? It should be that time the vendor from Yalkell visits Trost.”

You finish your meal quickly, wolfing it down like a starved woman. “I hope whatever it is isn’t as bad as your Dad’s try at those vegetable cookies.”

Jean shudders. “Yeah, I don’t think Mom should have left him unsupervised.”

“I don’t even remember the last time I had chocolate,” Marco thinks out loud. “After, you know—,” he begins, throwing a quick, unsure glance at Eren, Mikasa and Armin opposite him, then at you, “—after we lost Wall Maria, chocolate got really, really expensive.”

“I don’t get it,” Eren says. “What’s so special about it?”

You throw him a curious glance over the rim of your cup. “You don’t like it?”

He shrugs. “I’ve never had chocolate before.”

You gasp theatrically, and lean forward to place a hand on his shoulder. You feel him slightly tense under your touch, his muscles turning hard, his skin warm under the fabric. “That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.”

“Do you want me to hit you?”

A small, private smile catches you off-guard and you glance down, hoping he won’t see it.

Rapid foot tapping against the wooden floor, the tell-tale sign of Jean’s impatience, finally drives you out of your seat, surrendering it to Armin who, in his hunger for information, forgot to get food and rushes over to get some.

You follow Jean outside where another wave of cold air closes like a fist around your lungs. The Military Post Office is the last one in a neat row of small, copper brick buildings designated to everything related to civil relations and administration.

The Post Master behind the counter is a wiry and thin man with a thick moustache and a weathered kerchief tied around his neck. He’s missing two teeth at the bottom, and after you finally make it to the front, he greets you with a wet cough, before asking in a gritty voice, “Name, District.”

“Kirschstein and [Last Name],” Jean says. Hands tucked into his coat pockets, he is bobbing up and down on his heels as if he’s hoping he might lift off. “Trost District.”

The Post Master wobbles for a moment, and you share a worried look with Jean. But he manages to stay on his feet, runs a gnarly finger over a long list until he finds your names, then turns around and goes to the back room to fetch your mailings. He returns with two big packages he can barely carry by himself, and drops them unceremoniously onto the counter. A big, wet snuffle is the only goodbye you get as you reach for your respective packages before other cadets behind you push you to the side for their turn.

Your fingers itch to rip the package open, dig through the presents, even though Wîhe Naht is weeks away, and read Ida’s reply. Three more hours to go before you can trek back to your barracks and snuggle up in your bed, share the sweets and toys from Felix with Mina and then hide under your warm blanket for whatever their response holds in store for you as the other girls prepare for bed.

Jean, feeling your agitation, glances at you sideways. “It’s gonna be fine,” he remarks. “Whatever Mom and Dad are saying in their letter, it’s in the past now anyway.”

“I’m aware letting it go would be easier,” you say, balancing the box from carrying it on one side to the other as if you were holding dynamite. “But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. I just want closure, that’s all.”

“Wouldn’t that be something.” Jean sniffs, his breath coming out in white plums. “Erasing events from the past, making stuff never have happened. You’d have to be, like, God or something to do that.”

“I don’t know. I get you’d want the unpleasant stuff gone, but it’s what makes you the person you are today, right? Even all the bad stuff, I don’t think I’d want that just taken away from me.” Especially without you knowing.

When there’s no answer, you look up at Jean. He’s trying to stifle a yawn—not very discreetly. At the glare you send him, Jean just shrugs. “What. It’s too cold and I’m too tired to engage in a philosophical debate with you. Go ask Armin.”

Back in the classroom, you are only half a step over the threshold when your corpsmates’ heads turn toward you like hungry wolves smelling their prey. You don’t know when it has become tradition to share sweets and candies—at least by those who regularly receive gift packages from their families. Did it start with Mina’s Klippfisch or Hannah’s glacéed walnuts?

You watch as Jean, who has quickly turned it into a lucrative business, bargains with Connie and Franz what duties they would take over for him next week, when an impulse strikes you, sparking you into action like flint igniting a fire.

With your target nowhere in sight, you know one person who can answer the question about his whereabouts. Mikasa is sitting by the window, watching snowflakes whirl past in an angry flurry. She has a thoughtful gaze about her, as if even though the landscape before her is blindingly white, only she can discern the pictures hidden within. Memories, maybe. Her slender fingers play with loose threads of her red scarf. Armin, sitting beside her, is curled over an open book and doesn’t notice you approaching.

“Have you guys seen Eren?” you ask, already knowing that one definitely knows where he is. Mikasa breaks her gaze away from the window, blinking up at you dazedly as if she is waking up from a long dream. Not for the first time, she is considering you with a blank expression. You just don’t know what test you’re currently under and what might happen should you not pass.

“He’s just left the room,” she says, grey eyes darting to the exit. “Do you need something?”

“Nothing important.” You’re already half turned towards your new destination, swiping your hand over their desk and leaving two pieces of chocolate. Mikasa eyes it with a little suspicion, as if she doesn’t understand what it is until she picks it up. A half smile tugs at her lips. You don’t know if you’ve ever really seen her smile at anyone else except Armin and Eren.

You leave her nibbling on the chocolate, quietly trying to rouse Armin from his reading spree to make him eat his piece. The hallway outside is slowly emptying out as the remaining cadets slip into their classrooms. When you find Eren rounding a corner, you break out into a run until there is so much momentum that it is easier to grab him by his arms and swing you both around like a merry-go-round until you finally halt. Disoriented and surprised by the sudden attack, Eren needs a moment to understand what is happening.

“Wha—”

“Close your eyes,” you say.

Eren takes a step back, doubt cutting deep creases into his forehead as if you are trying to sell him Titan body parts. “Why?”

“Just do as you’re told. Trust me.”

His expression says it all. He doesn’t. But he closes his eyes anyway, brows furrowed.

“Open your mouth.”

He opens his eyes.

“Close your eyes and open your mouth.”

Eren does so, but he adds, “If this is another one of your pranks, I’m going to make you eat snow.”

You ignore him and reach for your pocket from where you produce another small piece of chocolate. You place it on Eren’s lips. He flinches, his eyes snapping open and you use his confusion to shove the whole piece inside his mouth, the pads of your fingers brushing his warm lips. The tip of his tongue darts forward, prods against your fingertips, hot and wet, and you hesitate for the break of a second before pulling your hand back as the feeling sends electric shocks from your hand up your arm and down to your belly.

The transformation on his face is instant when he closes his mouth, his jaw working as the chocolate melts on his tongue. It’s an expression you did not expect, and because of it, you throw your head back and laugh out loud.

“Why do you look so confused?” you ask, giving him a light shove.

Red creeps up his face, paints the tips of his ears. He throws an arm over his mouth, trying to hide it. “It’s so … sweet?”

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be like that.” You almost reach out to tug his arm down by his sleeve, wishing to see more, but Eren has already dropped it, now looking at you as if you are a puzzle he has spent too much time trying to solve and now he is considering throwing it against the wall.

“Why?” he asks.

“Well, there is a lot of sugar in it.”

“No, why are you giving it to me?”

The question catches you off guard, changes the gravity centre a little and uproots your safe foundation. You haven’t really thought about a deeper meaning, just that you wanted to share something you enjoy with him, something you know most people enjoyed, that would bring them happiness. Just like Mikasa and Armin. You wanted, you realise, to share a little happiness with Eren as well.

Which is something you definitely can’t and won’t admit to him out loud.

“You know, gaining favours, having you owe me something.” You shrug, trying to make it look extra nonchalant.

“So, now I owe you something after you almost shoved your fingers inside my mouth.” He crosses his arms in front of his broad chest, and gives you one of those insufferable grins that remind you of every picaresque trickster you have read about in stories—dashing and adventurous, but also daring and dangerous. You realise the part inside you that didn’t want to understand what exactly it is Eren dares you to do grows quieter and quieter, instead replaced by a growing voice that’s a little too eager to accept the challenge head-on.

You mimic his posture, aware of how your crossed arms push out your chest. There isn’t anything subtle about Eren, or the way his eyes drop down like a magnet to its pole. “You say that as if you didn’t like it, Jaeger.”

Eren’s eyes grow dark. He looks at you, his gaze sliding over you in a way that you know is like fingertips stroking over your skin. “I—”

“Hey, if you two squirts have time to stand out here and fuck around, you better be able to recount the whole operation without any mistakes!” Shadis’ voice roars up from the end of the corridor, his sharp, pinprick dots of eyes traverse the whole floor to hit you with a marksman’s precision.

You and Eren duck your heads as if that could spare you from Shadis’ wrath, immediately setting off together, a hasty walk that quickly turns into a race down the hall to see who is faster. Eren only wins because he cheats, his hand reaching down to pull at the harness on your leg only to let it snap back against the back of your thigh.

His laughter disappears as he dives into the classroom first, which is great because that means he doesn’t see your face going up in flames at the quick brush of his fingers against the back of your thigh.

True to his word, Shadis does make you two recount the operation and everything important for its success, which somehow you manage to recite without any problems.

Sadly, that did not prevent the events from nearly taking your life.

The cold punishes arrogance.

That was Shadis’ first lesson, one none of you took too seriously simply because you all, stemming from the southern parts within the Walls where winters are uncomfortable but that is pretty much it, lack the imagination to fully understand what it means to be cold.

“Keep in mind, safety first!” Shadis’ voice howls inside your head, louder than the wind tearing at the naked branches reaching for you like cold, broken fingers as you keep your head down, fighting against the wind trying to sweep you off your feet, eyes glued to Ymir’s boots in front of you. Looking up would hurt too much. The whirling snowflakes striking your skin hurt like pellets. “I’d rather have you maggots fail the objective than be stupid enough to die to hypothermia! Get frostbite and your pathetic little lives are over! Cold winter climate like this is the most difficult climate to manoeuvre! Even when not in combat, you’re still in a fight against the cold. Now out in those woods, the cold won’t be your only enemy. There are wolves, bears. The animals might kill you. But the cold will.”

You’ve checked your gear multiple times, made sure everything is safe inside your trekking back and nothing is missing. The winter coats, long enough to fall past your knees, shield you from the cold, keep you warm as long as you keep moving. You cannot allow one sliver of skin to be exposed to these extreme temperatures or you’ll grow numb immediately, completely freeze in maybe a few minutes. Dead in maybe an hour.

It helps to keep your mind completely fixed on the task. One foot in front of the other, step by step, in the same rhythm that Ymir and the rest march. You’ve completely lost any feeling for the time, and surrounded by this never-ending grey landscape, it could either still be early morning or afternoon already. Which would mean night is approaching and you do not want to be outside when the sun completely vanishes and leaves you in the dark. You can’t imagine how much colder it will be then.

As suddenly as the snowstorm has hit your formation, it dissolves for now. Risking a glance up, you can finally make out the dark, barren stems of trees, still bending in the harsh wind and creaking like old men lamenting their aching backs. Mountains stand tall in the distance, growing taller and taller as you march towards them. Behind them warm huts, burning fireplaces, and warm stews await your arrival. Two more hours, maybe three, and you can finally take off the padded coat and winter boots, the heavy backpack sinking you deeper into the snow with every step.

The cliffs rise higher as you progress, pocked with spots of darkness, like slashes of black paint. As you look more closely, you realise they are caves in the rock. Some look very deep, twisting away into darkness. You imagine bats and creepy-crawling things hiding in the blackness, and shiver.

At last a narrow path cutting through the cliffs leads you to a wide road, nearly completely frozen over. Anytime now, you think, having memorised the map around these areas until you could draw it with your eyes closed. The group begins to slow down, shuffling even closer now that movement ceases and in need of a different source of warmth. You feel Mina pressing up against your side, her gloved hands clutching tightly onto the straps of her backpack. She peeks over at you from under her furred hood, barely managing an exhausted smile. You reach under her hood and give her Rudolph-red nose a squeeze.

At the front, quiet murmur rises, the order passed from the first to the last man. You’d imagine Shadis would have a field trip shouting in a place like this where his voice would echo and grow tenfold, the only downside is that the avalanche following would kill you all swiftly.

Everyone shuffles into one line. You can feel the unrest and anxiety running through the rest like a wave carrying on from person to person. The need to stomp their feet against the creeping needle-fingered cold, the white death slowly advancing and sucking heat from any warm thing. But the narrow mountain pass snaking alongside the cliff’s wall doesn’t allow for two people walking side by side. You imagine freezing to death might be a bit more pleasant than a drop all the way down to the bottom of the mountain and breaking bones. Then again, you’d prefer not to die at all.

With the progress slowed down, you have no choice but to wait for your turn to squeeze alongside the steep cliff to the other side. Were it any other time, you’d enjoy the fantastic outlook over the valley. There’s nothing but mountains and trees as far as the eye can see, a winter wonderland reminding you of all the Wîhe Naht stories your mother used to read to you at night when you were both snuggling into warm comforters and blankets. You try to recount those stories now, of brave Lucia venturing out on a cold, dark, lightless night to find the sun and bring it back to the world, or the stories of Vaeterchen Frost and his granddaughter Schneefloeckchen travelling the lands to deliver presents, to pass time as Mina carefully shimmies along the edge to the other side. Singing songs in your head helps as well—just about anything that occupies you from thinking too much about the cold. What better way to pass time with winter songs.

Schneefloeckchen, Weissroeckchen / wann kommst du geschneit? / Du wohnst in den Wolken / dein Weg ist so weit.

A muffled sneeze interrupts your solo performance. There’s only a handful of cadets left bringing up the rear, comrades you’re able to recognise by their built now rather than seeing their faces after spending almost two years together. Franz glued to Hannah’s side, taking care that she doesn’t slip and fall. Annie, her height giving her away, kicking some frozen ice clumps off the cliff, watching them tumble down, sometimes growing as snow sticks to it. The last one is Eren, all gloomy and sulking like a little child and whenever he raises his head, watchful eyes scanning his surroundings, you don’t miss the feverish look on his face, his cheeks and nose a scarlet red you know has nothing to do with the cold.

No one had missed the argument between him and Mikasa this morning, one Eren ended by storming outside the Mess Hall, ignoring her calls. He wouldn’t be stopped from gathering experience during this mission, not even by the cold turning his voice raw and raspy, his nose runny. You can’t explain how he’s still standing, other than that sheer will power is driving him onward and whoever doubts it gets on Eren’s shit list. Three streaks and you’re out, Eren is not shy handing out punches—physically or verbally. Mikasa was the first to get the brunt of it, banished to the front of the line and as far away from Eren as physically possible just because he couldn’t stand her watching over him like a mother hen.

You felt bad then, watching Mikasa letting Eren stomp off, looking at him with frustration but also fondness—unable to decide if she should respect his wish and let him be alone or follow him to keep him safe. In the end, it was Armin, as usual, who negotiated and kept the peace between them, pulling Mikasa with him and making her his trek buddy.

Now, as you watch Mina reach the pass’ first half and Eren getting ready behind you, you can’t help and plead in Mikasa’s favour.

“You should have listened to Mikasa and stayed back,” you mumble, voice low enough for only him to hear.

Eren’s bad condition is only further proven by the lack of immediate retaliation, the time he needs to take in your words, process them and come up with a strong argument. It is a little like pushing a toddler off his feet and watching him trying to understand what just happened.

Finally, the response you get is the most unconvincing performance you’ve seen, one were it a stage play, you’d demand your money back.

“’M fine,” he slurs, bracing himself against the cliff’s side. He’s taking deep, rattling breaths, his mouth a pale gash in his feverish face. “We’re almost at our destination ‘nyway.”

You take the first careful step, hugging the wall. They always say ‘Don’t look down’ when standing too close to an edge with nothing but space between you and the ground, but that doesn’t work when you have to use ODM gear. Still, something about being in free fall is different than standing close to an edge with nothing but half a foot separating you plunging into your death. There is nothing quite describing this feeling except call of the void.

“You ever think that this isn’t just about you?” you ask him, feeling safer with your back pressed against the wall even though the outlook gives a splendid, stomach churning overview of the valley that has your toes curling. You miss the weight of your ODM gear, the knowledge that no matter if you fall right here, safety is but a click of your hooks and wires away. “Don’t expect any of us to carry you the rest of the way.” Certainly not Annie, his trek buddy. Not because she’s lacking the strength, rather you don’t think she has it in her heart to care about what happens to Eren. Or any of you.

At this point, Eren can barely make any distinguishable words. It sounds something like “Don’ worry ‘bout it,” which is the only signal you get to look to your right and see him sway precariously.

You don’t think. Instinct kicks in, and as he falls forward, you lunge for him, grabbing his backpack. Only that is exactly half the step you shouldn’t have taken.

The last thing you can make out is someone is trying to scream after you, quickly shushed by a firm hand on their mouth—you can only imagine it is Annie’s quick wit and reflex that prevents Hannah’s voice from causing an avalanche going off above their heads.

The fall slams your stomach up to your throat as the world turns into a blurry merry-go-round of white and ice, and the only stable thing is the additional weight of Eren as you hold onto his backpack’s strap for dear life. The first hit is the worst. You land awkwardly on your side, the blanket of snow buffering most of the impact as you tumble and roll further down, kicking up snow and dirt.

Gloved hands clawing into the ice, searching for roots to stop your fall, you try to scramble back up the hill but the snow gives under your feet—and then suddenly there is no ground beneath your feet and you fall again, flailing to find purchase and it is the longest two seconds of your life until your backpack hits the ground and your teeth clack together hard enough you feel it in all your bones.

A moment later, a second thud lands inside a pile of snow beside you.

All you can do is lie on your back like a turtle upturned, kicking and swinging and swaying as you try to scramble to your knees, blinking away fine snow dust from your lashes. Your heart still beats too fast, too hard—too scared from dodging Death’s cold, greedy talons by nothing more than a hairsbreadth. You can still feel him yearning for you in the cold, biting wind that picks up, in the coppery taste filling your mouth after having bitten the inside of your mouth during the fall.

You turn your back to the cliff. A snow-tipped forest stretches before you, illuminated in a haze of dusty gold beneath the late-afternoon sun. And in the distance, more ice-capped mountains rise and fall as far as the eye can see.

But you feel only the cold in your bones and see only the shadows that stretch long and dark beneath the pine trees. This is the south of the Walls, where winter days are not as bad as in the North, yet if you don’t find shelter before the sun sets, you will die.

You scramble to your feet, snow stuck to your coat and backpack weighing you down so much your knees buckle with the additional weight. The heaps of snow surrounding you remain motionless, still. The panic seizing you, freezing you in place for a moment, is colder than the snow before you lunge into the pile, clawing through the icy chunks that immediately freeze and harden as you dig your way through to Eren.

You find his arm first. He’s lost one of his gloves during the fall and you don’t try to push your luck finding it. Unearthing him takes a good amount of strength and time, but at least he is free from his icy coffin. Snow dusts his face, clings to the fur of his hood and his closed lashes like fine diamonds. You tug your glove off with your teeth and put your hand to his cheeks, feeling for his pulse. Despite the cold, his cheeks are still warm, still full of life, and the relief that sparks within you warms you like a small candle’s light.

You free him completely, pull him out and drag him away until he is laid out on the snowy floor, his breaths coming out in soft white plumes. No matter how often you say his name, pat his cheek and beg him to wake up, nothing disturbs Eren’s sleeping beauty slumber.

“You can’t die, all right?” you say to him. To yourself. To no one. “Please don’t. You’re a prick sometimes, but you can’t die, okay?”

There’s no response. You have never known silence this terrifying.

But fear and panic are not the solution. For two years Shadis has beat discipline and order into you with words and you would not allow this to crumble under the face of adversity.

More importantly, you will not leave Eren to be taken by the Grim Reaper.

Shelter. You need shelter, you need a fire. You have to survive this.

Checking your gear, you make sure you didn’t lose anything during your descent. Pulling Eren out of that pile of snow was already hard work. You doubt you’ll make it far if you’d try carrying him and his backpack, so you spend the next five minutes going through everything he has on him.

The contents of his bag are identical to yours: a raincover, additional rope and another survival knife, another pair of waterproof gloves that you quickly switch out with the one Eren’s wearing. You take his water bottle with you and stuff yourself with a sweet oat bar. The rest of his rations—dry crackers, another oat bar, thinly sliced rye bread and hard biscuits—you stuff into your own back for later if he wakes up.

When he wakes up, you correct yourself, chewing on the bar without really tasting anything. You doubt something like a fever and a fall from this height that barely left you with a scratch could kill a public menace like Eren. The world wouldn’t miss out to see how far he’ll go.

Now looking up, it actually does surprise you how unscathed you’ve emerged from the fall. A canopy of barren trees obscures your sight of the top. Protocol says that any loss to the formation is to be diminished. Unfortunately, that means everyone is out for themselves, and those who manage to lose the group have to find their own way back. But not with the sun descending behind the horizon, and Eren still unconscious.

When you’ve steeled yourself for the arduous task, you slide the bag off Eren’s back and throw him over your shoulders, huffing at the additional weight. If you keep following the trail back along the cliff side, you should return to where you’ve earlier seen the caves and find shelter there for the night.

Soon you are in the heart of the woods, surrounded by tall, crowding pines and frost-larches that cast their shadows over you. A hush has settled in the air. It feels as though the forest is alive and watching, the cold creeping steadily past your clothes, under your skin, into your bones. Every step further turns into an excruciating fight to keep Eren upright, his weight pushing you down into the thick blanket of snow.

Darkness has steadily crept in around you, and you have to blink to make out which are the trees and which are the shadows. Time seems to go in circles, and you begin to wonder whether you are going in circles. The unbearable cold is addling your brain; you keep looking to the left and right, imagining the occasional crackle of a branch or crunch of snow. You remember your mother’s stories about never-ending winters where ice spirits dwell to spirit away the last remaining humans locked up inside their tiny huts in hopes for spring to come. Wolves that spring from thin air and hunt in packs. That is exactly why Shadis had told your class to never travel without a light source on you that burns steadily through the night to ward off the creatures lurking in the woods. Now the darkness seems to press against you.

Then, you hear it. The snap-snap-snap of twigs and the rustle of the underbrush, several dozen paces behind you.

Someone—or something—is following you.

Fear pricks at you. You duck behind the nearest tree, and after rebalancing Eren on your back, you still and strain to listen over the hammering of your heart.

There. Rustling and crackling approaches, as though something large is moving through the trees. Holding your breath, you dare a look from behind the tree and feel your legs turn to cotton.

Multiple swift, dark shapes slither by, so close that their musty wet-animal scent wafts past you. They circle you, sniffing the air and letting out deep-throated growls. As they turn their heads to rivet their black, evil eyes on you, your heart sinks. Wolves. A pack of hungry, desperate wolves.

Your mind kicks into action as you press Eren’s body closer to yours. One wrong movement and your life will be over; Eren’s life will be over. Now that they have picked up your scent, they will hunt you until their razor-sharp fangs tear the meat from your bones, squeeze their tongue in to suck out your marrow.

Slowly, painfully aware that you cannot do any rash moves, you lower Eren to the ground first, then your backpack. There is no way you can outrun them. Your hand inches to the survival knife strapped to the belt around your coat, fingers numb and shaking. The wolves crouch, low and snarling. One of them, their leader you assume, stands between you and the rest, a mountain of growling, brindled fur, shoulders hunched forward, lips curled back over snarling teeth.

It snarls again, crouching closer to the ground. Its growl is more than just Look, here is a human in our territory and we can do whatever we please. No, this growl means We have not eaten in days, and now it is time to feast.

The wolf’s lips draw back to show its teeth, and you see its lolling tongue. And then it launches itself forward, jaws gaping, ready to tear. You have barely time to draw your knife as it strikes you square in the chest, and you two go over in a writhing tangle.

Your screams go under the lethal snap of his jaw, its target the soft flesh of your throat where he can easily rip you to shreds. The smell of dirt and wet dog and something far more unpleasant threatens to choke you. The weight of this beast robs you of any chance to fight back. You’d just have to move your arm and bring upon it the sharp edge of your knife to show him your own talons are as sharp—everything inside you screams against this. You hate to see animals suffer, to inflict pain upon the most innocent creatures.

If only the wolf would think so of you as well.

But the wolf is starving, and its mates are starving. It sees you as nothing more than a walking slab of meat. And that is why it has no problem to throw its head back and pierce those razor-sharp fangs right through the fabric of your coat into your arm and tear at your flesh.

❀❀❀

My darling [Name],

I have always known the day would come when you would remember and yet nothing prepares the heart for adversity as great as finding yourself facing the struggle you’ve tried to brace yourself for.

What Jeanie told you is the truth. I still remember reading your mother’s letter, feeling her distraught with every word. I swear I feared my heart would stop beating reading your mother’s recount of the events.

You must have been ten—the age when everything is a mystery and a great adventure. I remember whenever you and Jeanie went outside to play, you wouldn’t come back for hours and when you finally returned you were both covered in dust and grime from head to toe. I assume that is why, on that day, your parents weren’t worried why you were staying out for so long.

But then, your mother wrote, your friend had come over, asking for your whereabouts. That made her wonder, at last. Were you not supposed to be with him? I know he was very dear to you, I remember you talking about him so much, and strangely, I cannot remember his name or face, even though I know I must have met him at some point when visiting you.

Your mother and father immediately set out to ask around the neighbourhood if someone saw you. The result shocked your little community quite. The old veteran living on the outskirts close to the wall, who everyone believed to be blind turned out to have impeccable eyesight. We believe he lured you away, asked you to help him and you have never been someone to turn away from those who need help.

It was your father who found you. The veteran attacked him, scared what would happen to him if everyone knew about his secret. I don’t know how much you saw of it, of what your father had to do to protect you both. We were all grateful he saved you, and yet there is a part of me wondering if taking that old man’s life really was necessary. If it wasn’t possible to resolve things differently. Then again, any parent would make a deal with the Devil, I am sure, to keep their child safe.

The fact that your early life is built upon violence and loss pains me to this day. It must have been such a great shock that you had completely repressed any memory of the events, and had no recollection of ever having been kidnapped and taken away by that monster.

I do wonder though, why you have remembered now of all times—and such strange details as well! Not all is clear to me, there was no need to make your parents go through the pain of remembering all that by asking them too much. But a green wallpaper with golden lilies on it? That doesn’t sound like something you would find in Shiganshina. I did hear that it is a popular interior design choice within the inner Walls though.

But how did you know?

I think that is enough talk of that. Your graduation approaches. It is strange to believe that only two years ago, we last saw each other, and the next time we hopefully will, you and Jeanie will be full-fledged soldiers. You know I have never fully approved of you two going and giving up your young lives to a cause with no end. But I have been young once as well, and I know that nobody wants to be saved from their own ambition.

I am just glad you two have decided to stay within the Walls, and that makes it a little easier to sleep at night.

Until we see each other next time, please enjoy our little presents.

In love, always Ida

A/N: After finishing this I realised there is no way they would have chocolate on the island because they wouldn’t be able to plant cacao. Might go back and edit this, but for now let’s just ignore this.

feel free to head over to my pinned post to find my ko-fi link if you enjoy the story wanna fuel me with some coffee! ♥

Sources of research for this chapter: • London, Jack: To Build a Fire (1902) • Geller, Jacob: Fear of Cold (2022) • Campbell, John W.: Who Goes There? (1938)

taglist: @arisu003, @brooki, @prttyangelbaby, @honeylmnade

#didn't mean to split the chapter but it all would have been too long #next chapter will be so much fun because EMIL #aot x reader #aot x you #aot x y/n #eren x reader #eren x you #eren x y/n #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #swyaatl

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sy-on-boy · 2 years ago

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Okay, so Ch69 was a BOMBSHELL (and I'm going insane)

SSS appearing at the beginning makes me think Yuri might take on the case, meaning he might meet Anya (Anya's not supposed to know about Yuri's job) and Damian

It would also make sense since the Red Circus was taken on by Yor (Ch17.5) and it would be funny to see the two siblings deal with the same enemy while preventing the other sibling from knowing about it

Damian is sitting with George. You would've expected him to sit with Ewen/Emile, but he let them sit together. This is very curious to me because George literally tried to get Damian expelled, and only failed because Anya stood up for him (the teacher wouldn't believe E&E). Damian, sweetie, this is a boy who tried to frame you as a smoker and sent a spy to change your grades. Good for you that you don't hold it against him, I guess

I do think Ewen and Emile are very devoted to Damian (see the boys' field trip) but maybe Damian doesn't want them to fight over who gets to sit next to him?

Anya and Damian also sit in the same row on the two sides of the bus. Knowing how Anya wants to approach Damian (and how Damian notices Anya), it's probably intentional.

Bill makes a reappearance, which is a welcome surprise. Damian sounds like a classist (literally) with his comment that the school should've at least given each class their own bus. Huh, didn't know Damian liked his class that much (or hated the other classes so much)

"Shut up. Who told you Wald hall kids you're allowed to talk to me?" ??? Is Damian still salty about losing the dodgeball match?? Does he think Cecil hall is superior? Is there a hierarchy at school? Or does he just not like Bill?

"All you other classes are our rivals" Damian bestie your classes could change next year. According to what Becky said, they're going to be divided by grades. Damian sure has a lot of Cecil hall loyalty / pride for some reason

I love Anya's impression of Damian. He's a silly, snot-faced crybaby. Like, it's really evident from the artstyle that Anya thinks of herself as "totally adorable" (with Becky nodding in agreement, aww) while Damian is just a goofy scion.

NOTE: in Anya's imagination, the teacher says Damian is "an uggo on the inside". And Anya also says, "Sy-on boy isn't ugly, he's just a piece of crap"

So Anya doesn't judge from appearances, unlike Damian who repeatedly calls her an uggo and a runt, and it's possible Anya thinks of herself as "superior" to Damian because she doesn't think he's ugly, she just thinks he sucks in general LMFAO

So Anya doesn't think Damian is ugly. Maybe. She probably thinks he looks stupid though

By the way, Anya makes herself look prettier in her own filter. Damian also makes her look prettier in his filter

Anya throws a crumbled up piece of paper to get Damian's attention. This is exactly what Damian did when they first met and he wanted her attention

Damianya violence arc omg. Damian seems to be blushing less as the chapters go on, and they have a fun sort of semi-rivalry.

DAMIAN GOT THE CAKE FOR ANYA!! "I should just hand her the stupid cake and be done with it" Awww he genuinely got her cake! And it's the crunchy sort which she likes!

And Damian let E&E eat it (it doesn't look like he ate any himself) while being all flustered and annoyed. He's a good kid, deep down

A reference to the macaron arc! Lots of references to so-called Damianya (aka school) chapters, with 1) Bill + dodgeball, 2) George and the macarons, 3) Handkerchief + cake (+ Bond's kibble which was a gag in the handkerchief chapter)

Anya offers dog food to Damian. This is hilarious because she sounds so innocent and genuine, but Damian is furious.

"Cecil hall kids sure are noisy" Whoops, even Wald hall knows about Cecil's reputation. Damian and Anya probably argue every day at school. They're going to be Those Two

It's interesting to see that Anya isn't reading minds this chapter. She didn't realize Damian got cake for her and she didn't seem to have realised the driver was a terrorist? Missing Damian's thoughts is normal because it was a fleeting thought, but the terrorist was probably concentrating on the hijacking for like, the entire bus ride. Anya, you good?

And then the bus is hijacked. Woo! Action! Drama! Wow!

I'm super excited for this arc because of how much potential it as. It's giving me the vibes of Cruise Arc but with the Eden kids. It also feels like a fanfic to me, particularly my fic when Anya saves Damian from an assassination lol. Here's a dump of my thoughts:

Damian might be a main target. We know about his dad and his influence in the political sphere. Bill says "chairman's son Damian", which might be a nod to the fact. The terrorist guy also mentions "as the nation's elite, you've probably figured out what's happening", and Damian is an elite among the elite

This will focus on the subplot of Damian and Anya's friendship. As I said earlier, this chapter has multiple references to past Damianya chapters. There's also the theme of friendship going on currently, with Loid telling Anya to treasure her friends. Anya is also desperate to go on with Plan B because she feels threatened by her mom befriending Melinda. And Damian indeed buys Anya cake even if he never agreed to it in the first place lol, showing a bit of development. Anya also fantasizes about purposefully getting Damian into trouble and saving him, and now the entire bus is in trouble (and Anya can save him maybe?). So maybe we'll have scenes of Anya saving Damian (furthering his debt to her, which is mentioned in the chapter) or Damian saving Anya (paying her back since he never got to give her cake)

The adults might come in too. The possibilities:

Yuri, as I mentioned earlier, might be one because the SSS knows about this. I know this is a stretch but we might get Demetrius debut with Yuri (or after this arc). In a previous post I noted that the Forgers and Desmonds meet in pairs of fathers, mothers, and children. Demetrius is Damian's brother and Yuri is Yor's brother, so maybe the brothers might be a pair?

Yor was previously involved with the Red Circus, and I can see her coming back to tie up loose ends. And possibly going batshit because Anya is in danger. This might end up with Yor meeting Damian, which I think certainly makes sense after the Yorlinda chapters and Yor acting shocked that Melinda doesn't seem to care much about Damian.

Twilight would be interesting because of his dynamic with Damian. I analyzed the panels during the Twilight-Donovan face-off and you can just see Damian is standing with Twilight instead of his actual father. They get along fine and I think Damian likes Loid well enough.

Obviously, all three will have to conceal their identity from Anya (and the other Eden kids), so we might get one-sided interactions (such as Twilight saving Damian but Damian thinking he's just been saved by a random man)

And even funnier would be to have multiple adults on the scene (for Anya) and they have to hide from each other. Iconic Thorn Princess x Twilight teamup maybe?!

Anya (and the rest) might get Stellars. This time, if she saves them, she'll have an entire bus full of witnesses, unlike the Ken drowning incident. This could drastically affect Anya's reputation at school and her relationship with Damian. We might also get the Cecil 5 (+ Bill and George since they're sitting close to them) working together, which will be fun.

I do think Damian might give up the "our classes are rivals" thing if the two halls end up bonding / working together

And since I have the brain of a fanfic author, imagine if Damian is in trouble and Anya has to save him and vice versa... this is going to be the first real danger the kids have been in

I know this is a bit chaotic and messy but this chapter is scratching the itch lol. I'm going to be insane for the duration of this arc.

I'm so excited. I cannot wait for the next few chapters <3 Endo really went all out on this one with drama, action, humor, and there's so many ways this one could go!! <3

#spy x family #spy x family spoilers #sxf ch69 #anya forger #damian desmond #damianya #bill watkins #becky blackbell #ewen egeburg #emile elman #george glooman #sxf analysis #i guess #long post

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shiro-s2e2-erukinzu · 2 years ago

Text

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Short Mission 10... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

Today's Short Mission holds the record for being the shortest chapter ever released for Spy X Family, clocking in at only 2 pages...! 😲 We also got another lovely Special Illustration, and all on my birthday no less...!! 😄 So even though there's not much to talk about, let's talk about Short Mission 10!! 😁

The chapter begins with talks about a Space Race between the East and the West and Ewen being super excited about it...!!

While Damian and Emile show no interest in the matter...

...Anya on the other hand is loving all this space stuff as much as Ewen!! 😄

And as they the two of them play together, Damian gets a little jealous and tries to show off to them (Anya)...

But, Anya and Ewen paid no attention to Damian's political promises as Becky lays down the facts...!!! 😆

And that was Short Mission 10, a short but sweet little chapter that I thought was really cute...!! 😊 I wonder if any this Space Race stuff between the East and the West will pop up again in a regular chapter...? 🤔 Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see!! 😁

As for the special illustration...:

I AM LOVING IT!!! 😆

Not only is it a very cute and fun illustration, it makes me laugh because I was literally making a joke to myself yesterday about how Anya is actually an alien from space, AND THEN I SEE THIS!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Endo, if you some how had a psychic link to my mind for my birthday, I would love to know...!! 🤭

Anyway, that's all I gotta say about this chapter and special illustration because I'm gonna go celebrate my birthday!! 🎉🎊

So until the next Mission, take care and be safe out there everyone...!! 👋😄

#spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #spy x family manga #sxf manga #spyxfamily manga #Short Mission 10 #damian desmond #ewen egeburg #emile elman #anya forger #becky blackbell #Probably the shortest 'Short Mission' that has ever been short! 😄#Also it's my birthday!! 😁#ANYA IS FROM SPACE COMFIRMED!? 😲😖😂#Special Illustration

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guessimwritingficsagain · 4 years ago

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Delightful, chapter five

Previously : Chapter one, Chapter two, Chapter three, Chapter four

------

In the wake of your break-up, your friend Martha decided it was time for you to go out and let loose, just so you could forget both about James and about Javier. Though you weren’t sold on the idea, you let her drag you out. It’d been months, after all. Time to move on, especially because somehow, after James broke up with you, Javier disappeared from your life again. The bastard.

That’s how you found yourself getting a refill at the counter of a small place you both liked to hang out at. As you turned your head, scanning the crowd while the bartender was making your drinks, you spotted the man. Javier was sitting at a table a bit in the dark, in very good company. He was whispering something in the ear of a very very pretty woman, the kind who looked like she could be on the cover of some magasine. So much for forgetting about Javier Peña tonight.

The wave of bitterness wasn’t unexpected but still unwelcome : you didn’t see him anymore but here he was, very much alive and very much not working. So you turned your head around, paid the bartender, took the drinks and went back to your table, determined not to let the man ruin your night. Your brain obviously disagreed, though, because as soon as you sat down, your mouth, almost on its own volition, spat :

‘He’s here.’

‘James ?’

You shook your head.

‘Oh.’

After a beat, she asked :

‘Where is he sitting ?’

‘Other side of the room.’ You mumbled.

She took a look, trying to spot him even though she’d never seen him.

‘Let me guess : moustache guy.’

You grumbled in answer.

‘Nice. I see the appeal. But listen, he’s all the way over there, you got your back to him, there’s no reason to bump into him at all. Just … take the long way round to go to the bathroom, you know.’

Martha was right. The was no reason for you to get all worked up. You were friends, he’d probably been busy and he had every right to relax with some pretty lady after your ex broke up with you because of him. That wasn’t on him, that was on you. He didn’t even know about that.

So you had fun, and pointedly turned your back to Javier every time it was your turn to get drinks. You sensed someone sit down right next to you at some point but didn’t think much of it.

‘Nice dress. Trying to get lucky ?’

Fuck.

‘Hey, Javier.’

You didn’t bother pretending to be surprised, sensing he’d see right through it.

‘Why didn’t you come say hi ?’

You shrugged, and made up an excuse :

‘You have company and we’re having a girls’ night.’

He leaned to take a look at our table and waived at Martha, whom you turned to see with her eyebrows raised, clearly ready to get you out of here.

‘We never got a chance to talk about what happened.’ He suddenly said, and added as he saw how confused you were : ‘With James.’

‘Nothing to talk about.’

‘Something must have happened.’

You glanced at his table, seeing the woman he was with patiently waiting. He caught you, and filled in :

‘She knows I’m catching up with a friend. Maybe your pal and her could keep each other company.’

He said the word ‘friend’ with what seemed like mockery, as a hand went casually to your shoulder, like he was trying to keep you here. The asshole.

‘So, James ?’

You understood, then, he wouldn’t let go. You chose your next words carefully, choosing the safest option : not quite a lie, not quite the truth.

‘He was thinking of proposing.’

The hand on your shoulder squeezed and you relished in the fact that Javier was a bit thrown off by that.

‘And you didn’t want him to ? Why ?’

You shrugged and thanked the bartender as he handed you your drinks. The pressure on your shoulder grew insistant.

‘You’re lying to me.’ You heard Javier say. ‘Tell me the truth. That man was head over heels for you. Gave me a fucking speech once when you went to the bathroom, telling my how he didn’t really understand our relationship but respected the bond we shared. He would have accepted it if you didn’t want to propose. What happened ?’

There was so much to unpack there you were stunned for a minute. The way Javier said the word bond, the same way he’d said the word friends before, the fact James had talked to Javier at some point …

You turned sharply towards him, and snapped :

‘What did you tell him, Javier ? What did you tell him that day ?’

He leaned in.

‘Nothing. Should I have said something ?’

‘No.’

You hated how good he was looking, right now, you hated the tension in the air, the way the bartender was obviously listening, out of curiosity, or maybe, trying to assess if he should intervene.

‘What do you want, Javier ?’

‘I want to know why you broke up with him. The real reason.’

‘I didn’t. He broke up with me.’

You didn’t even feel bad for the glee that filled you at the pure astonishment that showed on his face at that.

‘Bullshit.’

‘It’s true. And I gave him a good reason for that.’

Javier had been an asshole in the past, had made some sharp comments about your sex life, but you would never have thought to hear from him the words he said next :

‘What ? Got you bored in bed so you went to have a little fun elsewhere ?’

The comment stunned you so much you didn’t stop to think about Javier would never push that far. He wasn’t mean like that. You quickly got up, and the hand on your shoulder dropped to your belly, the gesture out of place. You smacked his hand away.

‘Don’t touch me. How dare you ? Just because you have to fuck a different woman every night, and … Just because you can’t settle or be faithful to someone … Fuck you. Don’t ever show your face at my house again. Find another couch to sleep on. I’m done with you.’

———

Two weeks later, Javier showed up at the bar, took a seat, and stayed until closing time. You spent the night on edge, spilling drinks all over and messing up orders. Javier made no move to get out when you announced it was time to go home. By the time it was only him, Emil and you inside, you could wut the tension with a knife. Emil hurriedly left and you didn’t blame him.

‘I’m gonna lock you in, Peña.’

He just looked at you for a few seconds, his gaze unwavering, and explained :

‘I wanted you to be angry at me.’

You closed your eyes, just to compose yourself. You should throw him out, you knew that. But you still walked over to him, and sat on a barstool next to him. You didn’t answer, though. You weren’t ’t going to talk first. What left his mouth then took you by surprise.

‘I left a woman at the altar, once.’

Fuck, you were going to need alcohol for that. You got up, grabbed a bottle of whisky for him, and poured yourself a glass of vodka before coming back to sit down.

‘I did something bad. Told you that before.’ He started, lighting a cigarette, fire casting a yellow shadow on his face, as most of the lights were off in the bar. ‘That’s what got me sent home.’

A moment of silence, and then :

‘I worked with Los Pepes, to get Escobar.’

You remembered Los Pepes, you remembered what they had done. You didn’t say anything, though. When he understood you weren’t going to talk, he went on :

‘When I was working with them, I thought it was best to not come see you. You never know what can happen, and things were escalating pretty quickly.’

You remembered that too. Vividly. You also remembered the phone calls from your parents, frantically asking you please come home.

‘That woman, the one I left I mean … I saw her again, back home. She basically told me she was glad we never got married. You’d think I’d be relieved. I wasn’t. Kept thinking about how much of an asshole I was. And the worst part was everyone thought I was a hero. So when I came back here, I just …’

He paused, took a drag.

‘Listen, I was surprised. You had this nice guy with you. That wasn’t the issue. The problem was that, before, you were the one to give me shit when I was an asshole, okay ? And ever since I’ve been back into your life, you haven’t even asked. You waited ‘till I talked. You were being too fucking nice, giving me space and shit, never questioning why I never called you, never blaming me for anything. That wasn’t what I expected, or what I needed. Add James to the mix and I thought I’d lost you, for good. I thought I’d fucked up so bad you didn’t even care enough to get angry at me, and that somehow you let me sleep on your couch and hang out out of pity. So I just … I wanted you to be angry at me. I wanted to know you cared.’

‘That’s fucked up, Javier.’

‘I know. The look on your face the other day, I never want to see that again.’

‘You hurt me.’

‘I’m sorry, babe.’

One of his hand shot on your knee, just resting there. With his other hand, he poured himself another drink, the cigarette now in the ashtray. You took a moment to define what you were feeling, to put the right words in the right order. Carefully, you eventually explained :

‘I’ve been really angry at you. You had no right to say what you said, to assume …’

‘I didn’t mean it.’ He cut you off. ‘I didn’t mean any of that shit. You were in this bar, and you were ignoring me and I couldn’t stand it. I’m sorry.’

The silence lingered, as his thumb started tracing random patterns on the side of your knee. After a while, looking at your glass, you repeated :

‘You hurt me.’

That stilled his hand.

‘You think … You think you can forgive me ?’

You pretended to ponder the question carefully, even though you knew the answer already. At the end of the day, you cared too much about Javier Peña to lose him because of some dumb remark made in the heat of the moment. You settled with :

‘You’re not off the hook yet.’

You were smiling at him, though. Something tiny and timid, but that spurred him on. He jumped off the barstool and set himself right between your legs, both hands on your knees, now, and whispered :

‘That’s my girl.’

And then, quieter, and shy, he added :

‘I missed you.’

Having him that close was overwhelming, the heat from his body a pleasant invitation to lean in. Except you shouldn’t. He wasn’t off the hook yet. You whispered back, though :

‘I missed you too.’

Both of his thumbs were drawing circles on the inside of your knees and you closed your eyes for a bit, still feeling his on your face. You let your head drop on his shoulder, despite your best intentions. He stepped even closer to you, as his hands started moving a little bit up and down your thighs.

‘I’m here, now, babe. And I’m never pulling that kind of shit again.’

‘Promise.’

He didn’t hesitate :

‘I promise. Can’t afford to lose my best girl again, especially not to some teacher who’s gonna woo you with books.’

You stopped breathing at his hidden admission.

‘Javier …’

You voice was wavering, the weight of the situation crashing down on you, pining you here.

‘If you’re gonna tell me to fuck off, I will. But I’m pretty confident in my odds, here. We could be so good together, you know that.’

Your hands went to his hair. He hummed in satisfaction.

‘James knew.’ You admitted quietly. ‘That’s why he let me go.’

Javier’s hands jerked on your thighs, and he urgently asked :

‘Wait, did he think you cheated on him with me ?’

You raised your head and reassured him.

‘No, no, nothing like that. But he knew he was my second choice.’

Javier smiled at that.

‘Yeah ?’ He asked, as his hands slowly traveled to the inside of your thighs. You put your forehead to his temple, sinking into him. You hadn’t realized how wet you were.

Javier’s hands stopped, and squeezed.

‘Please tell me you want this as much as I do.’ He almost begged.

You wanted it, so much.

You whispered a breathy yes and his hands went back to work. You pressed against him and whispered :

‘Javier, we’re in a bar.’

‘It’s closed. Lights are mostly off. There’s no one in the streets. ’ He quipped back, a finger tugging at your underwear.

He slightly grazed your clit, then, making you gasp. He asked :

‘You want this ?’

One of your hands left his hair and grasped his neck as you breathed :

‘Yes’

He put a finger into you. One, and then two, a thumb on your clit. You felt so good you didn’t know what to do with yourself. And then Javier started mumbling nonsense into you ear, about how much he’d missed you, about how wet you were, about how much he’d wanted that to happen.

You came when his mouth finally found yours.

———————————————-

Tag list (don’t hesitate to ask to be added)

@pedritobalmando @amidjarin @ajeff855 @justpedropascal @sara-alonso @sarahjkl82-blog @amidjarin @sara-alonso @justpedropascal

#Pedro Pascal #javier pena x reader #narcos #javier pena

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imlovethomassanders · 4 years ago

Text

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul(mates) - Chapter 4

You can also read on ao3

Thank you to @strongindependentcheesecake for beta reading

This work is complete, and new chapters will be added everyday until completion:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5 (FINAL)

Summary: The lucky few who have a soulmate are born with heterochromia, with their left eye being the color of their soulmate’s eyes and their right eye being their own color. Not only was Virgil one of the lucky few to have a soulmate, but he was given four. His left eye changed colors every time he blinked, rotating between his four soulmates’ eye colors. His rotating eye colors caused him to be a bit of an outcast growing up, but when he finally leaves for college, things start to fall into place. This is the journey of five strangers finding each other.

Pairings: DLAMP with background Remile

Warnings: None I believe

Words: 3924

Taglist: @touchstarvedvirgil @lamp-calm-sanders @ninjago2020 @confinesofpersonalknowledge @secret-novelisthost18 @phander-sides @sherlock-lives-on-bakerstreet @bookbingingproblem @viana-dascolli @sharktryingtofly @crofters-n-falsehoods @turnedthefreakingfrogsgay @little-kat07 @romano-hottopic

Logan had been too worried about Roman and his eyes to talk to Patton and Virgil. It had been two weeks since they last video called, and Patton and Virgil were getting worried. For the first few days, Logan said he was sick. Then he had a lot of homework, then he had a migraine, then he had to study, then he had to help Emile with studying, or whatever excuse he could think of. He knew Patton and Virgil didn't buy it, but he was grateful they didn't push him.

Patton: How are you feeling today sweetie? Virgil: think you can talk to us today? Logan: I'm in the apartment elevator. As soon as I get home I will turn on my laptop and call you. Patton: !!!! :D <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Emile wasn't home yet, so Logan assumed he was still out with Remy. He went to his bedroom and opened his laptop, and a video call request popped up as soon as Logan came online.

"Hello-"

"LOGAN YOUR EYES!!" Patton exclaimed, Virgil wincing next to him. "Who?? When?? Where??"

Um, a couple weeks ago," Logan admitted. "We... had a bit of a rough start."

"You okay, Logan?" Virgil asked.

"Yes, things are getting better. We actually have a date tomorrow."

Patton squealed. "Oh, when can we meet them?? I can't wait to meet them!!"

Logan texted Roman that they were excited to meet him. Even though Virgil waited to meet Logan in person, that wait was only a couple days. Since Patton and Virgil probably wouldn't be able to meet Roman in person until the end of the semester, they decided to video call tomorrow.

Logan got to Roman's apartment a little before noon, and Remy was already gone. Roman said he wasn't too upset about being kicked out, since he got to use this as an excuse to go see Emile. Logan remembered Emile being particularly giddy as he left.

Logan was surprised when Roman pulled him into a hug as soon as the door opened.

"Hello," he said, muffled against Roman's chest. He prayed his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

"It's wonderful to see you," Roman said as he let go of Logan. "I made tea. Do you like tea?"

He started talking again before Logan got a chance to respond.

"Oh, I'm so excited. You're going to love these. Which ones do you want to watch first?" Roman asked as he shoved a mug into Logan's hands.

"Show me your favorites."

Roman beamed.

A relaxing afternoon passed into evening. Roman and Logan had spent much of the time poking fun at inconsistencies in the movies, or Logan holding back laughter as Roman dramatically sang along to the songs.

Logan's phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Patton and Virgil are almost back to their dorm. They will be ready to call us when they arrive."

"Oh, wonderful!" Roman said.

Their moods had been so playful, it was easy to notice Roman's mood shift as his leg started shaking.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked.

"I'm fine," Roman said, but winced when his voice cracked.

"There is no need to worry," Logan said as he pulled his laptop out of his bag and Roman paused the movie. "I know they are very excited to meet you."

Roman gave him a grateful smile as Logan clicked the "Accept Call" button.

The few moments it took for the video to load dragged on for what felt like forever before the image of two men appeared on screen, one with pale skin and dark hair and the other covered in freckles with golden curls.

Roman's breath hitched at how absolutely gorgeous they were.

"Ohmygosh! Hello!!" the curly one exclaimed with a giant grin. "I'm Patton! It's so so wonderful to finally meet you!"

"Hey," the other one said, not nearly as energetic. "I'm Virgil."

"I'm Roman Kingsley. I'm so glad to finally meet my soulmates," Roman said as he flashed a grin. "And may I just say, that you two are two of the most beautiful beings I have ever been blessed enough to see."

Patton squealed in delight as he grabbed Virgil's hand while Virgil's cheeks grew a dark shade of red.

Conversation followed easily for them, and all of Roman's worries melted away. Roman glanced over to see Logan looking at him with eyes softer than he'd ever seen before. Roman smiled back and took Logan's hand and the two turned their attention back towards Patton and Virgil.

They were all so incredible. Roman swore he was in love.

"Logan?" Roman asked. He was laying on the couch with his head resting on Logan's lap. It was late Saturday night, and the two were exhausted after spending most of the day unpacking boxes. Roman and Emile were switching places so they could each live with their soulmates (Emile made sure he and Logan kept in touch - plus, double dates with them were now a common occurrence).

"Hm?" Logan hummed as he ran his fingers through Roman's hair.

"How long until winter break?"

"Thirty more days, dear."

It had been almost two months since Roman and Logan first met. And since Roman had met Patton and Virgil, too, he had been counting the days until he would finally get to see them in person.

"That's too long."

"I know."

Roman reached for Logan's hand that wasn't in his hair, but he didn't take it. Instead he just held his hand out for Logan to grab. Roman had been prepared to move at a fairly fast pace once he met his soulmates, but Logan clearly wanted to take it slow. So Roman was patient and let Logan set the pace. It took a couple weeks for Logan to hold his hand in public, a couple weeks more for Logan to cuddle with him. Some days, Logan didn't feel like being touched at all, so they'd sit in the same room on different chairs, just enjoying each other's company.

"Not that I'm not content with you," Roman quickly added. Logan opened his mouth to speak but Roman didn't notice. "I'm so unbelievably happy when I'm with you. Though I'm excited to meet Pat and Virge, you make me so much happier than I ever imagined I could be-"

"I know, Roman. I'm excited to see them, too."

Roman smiled up at him as he squeezed Logan's hand.

"...You're gorgeous," Roman said softly as he gazed up at Logan. Logan's face tinted pink as he glanced away.

"I-... you-... Thank you," Logan managed to stammer as he looked back at Roman, letting go of his hand just to run his hand down the side of Roman's face. "...May I kiss you?"

Roman's eyes widened as he sat up. "Are you sure? Because if so, then yes. Absolutely yes. But I don't want you to feel rushed or-"

"I want to, Roman," Logan assured, a tad embarrassed. Roman gave him a gentle smile as he placed a hand on Logan's cheek. He leaned in slightly but let Logan close the gap. Roman sighed happily as his eyes fluttered closed. He went to raise his other hand to Logan's cheek but Logan' separated, eyes wide and cheeks red.

"Are you okay?"

Logan nodded. "That was... really nice."

Roman smiled.

"Can I... Can I kiss you again?"

Roman nodded as he placed his hands back on Logan's cheeks. This time Logan placed his hand on the back of Roman's neck to pull him just a bit closer, not that Roman minded. Logan was the one to pull back first again, but only for a couple seconds before he pulled Roman back to him.

Roman kept the kiss slow and soft as Logan's hands held tightly on him, firm grip trying to pull them as close together as he could. Roman moved his arms around Logan's waist, aiding in pushing together. Soft gasps were escaping them both as their chests were pressed together.

The next time Logan pulled away, he just wrapped his arms around Roman and buried his head into the crook of Roman's neck. Roman smiled as he placed a kiss onto the side of Logan's head while rubbing soothing circles on his back.\

"Roman, I... I think that I... I0" Logan huffed out a frustrated sigh as he struggled to finish his sentence, his grasp around Roman tightening.

"I know, Logan," Roman assured him with a smile. "I know. Me, too."

Roman groaned and shut his laptop. He had done enough school work for tonight. Probably.

He ran his hands over his face. His eyes stung slightly from staring at a bright screen for so long in the dark room. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see it was already nine o'clock. Logan had gone out to attend some seminar for extra credit, not that he needed it. With Roman no longer tapping away at the keyboard, he noticed the light pattering of rain.

He pushed his chair away from his desk and fell onto his bed, reaching for his phone. He didn't know when Logan would be back, but he hoped it would be soon. The apartment got lonely when he wasn't around.

Roman was about to text the group chat to see how Patton and Virgil were doing when he got a phone call from the emo nightmare himself.

Surprised, but in no way complaining, he happily tapped the answer button.

"Hello, my darling. How are-"

"Roman," Virgil gasped out, and Roman was immediately worried. He sat up in the bed, mind racing with what could be wrong. Was he hurt? "I'm sorry. This is so stupid, but Patton's not at the dorm and- Oh, it's getting late I shouldn't have called I'm sorry-"

"Virgil," Roman interrupted. Virgil was already breathing heavy - Roman didn't want him to work himself up even more. "What's wrong, dove?"

"It's stupid," Virgil muttered.

"Virgil."

"...It's storming. And thunderstorms make my anxiety spike."

As if on cue, Roman heard a loud clap of thunder in the background followed by a sharp intake of breath from Virgil.

"That's not stupid," Roman said, affection dripping in his voice. "Just focus on my voice, dove. Follow my breathing."

Roman took a few deep breaths, listening as Virgil followed, and his breathing eventually grew steadier.

"Perfect. You're doing wonderful."

Roman led Virgil through breathing a bit longer until Virgil's breathing was back to normal.

"Thanks, Roman," Virgil said quietly.

"Of course, darling. I'll always be here for you, to protect or comfort. Whatever ails you, I'll work to destroy it."

"Sap."

Roman couldn't help but smile. The sound of rustling blankets came through the phone.

"...Hey, Ro?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you, um, sing for me?" Virgil asked quietly. A large grin grew on Roman's face, his heart burning with so much love for the man on the other end of the phone that it almost hurt.

"Of course I can."

Roman started to sing softly all the love songs he knew, anything he thought could even begin to portray how much he was already in love with him.

"I wish you were here," Virgil said, his soft voice making it evident he was getting sleepy. "So your voice wasn't muddled by the phone."

"I wish I was there, too. To hold you and let you know that as long as I'm around, nothing is going to harm you. Not even thunder."

Virgil chuckled softly.

"I wish you could hold me."

"And I will, love," Roman said earnestly. "As soon as I can."

Virgil yawned.

"Sing me to sleep?"

"Anything you need, Virgil."

Fluffball <3: Everyone get on video call!!

Roman shook Logan's shoulder, who was sitting by him, to get his attention. He showed Logan the text and Logan grabbed his laptop.

"Hey sweeties!" Patton said the same time Virgil said "'Sup."

"Hello, dearests," Roman said the same time Logan said "Salutations."

"So we all agreed to get together the first couple weeks before Christmas so we could still go see our families on the holidays, right?" Patton started, smile wide in excitement.

"Yes, Patton." Logan said.

"Well, I found a place in my home town we could rent for those weeks. So we can spend the time by ourselves instead of making our schedule around my parents," Patton said sheepishly. "If we all pitch in, I know we could afford it."

"That sounds incredible, Pat," Roman answered with a large smile. Patton's grin grew wider.

"I'll email y'all the details."

Roman was shaking his leg as Logan drove. He was finally, finally, after far too many months, on his way to see Patton and Virgil.

"There's nothing to worry about," Logan assured him. "They are both very fond of you. Just... be prepared for a really big Patton hug when you walk through the door."

Roman was looking forward to it.

Roman knew Patton and Virgil almost as well as he knew Logan due to the constant texts and video calls, though that could never compare to finally being able to see his darling soulmates in person.

Logan held Roman's hand as they walked up the path to the front door. He didn't have time to knock before the door flew open and Logan was pulled inside, yanking Roman in with him.

"Roman!!" Roman heard someone shout before they threw themself into his arms. "Oh my gosh it's so wonderful to finally meet you in person!"

Roman pulled back to see Patton looking up at him, absolutely beaming. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Virgil and Logan hugging while exchanging "I missed you"s, but right now all he wanted was to focus on the little puffball in his arms.

"Hello, dear," Roman said with a large smile as he pulled Patton back to him. Patton let out a loud squeal of laughter as Roman picked him up and spun him around.

"I can not express how ecstatic I am to finally hold you," Roman said as he put Patton down, taking the opportunity to cover his face in kisses. "My dear, my darling, my love, I've been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember, and oh, how gorgeous you are in person."

Patton's face was very red as Roman finished talking, Logan and Virgil watching in amusement. Roman panicked for a moment, thinking he had gone too far, but Patton just threw his arms back around Roman and pressed kisses to his cheek.

"You're so sweet! I'm so happy you're here," Patton said as he pulled back.

Virgil gently placed a hand on Patton's arm, and he let out a little "oh" before stepping aside, turning his attention to Logan.

"Logan! I've missed you!" Patton exclaimed as he threw his arms around Logan, but quickly pulled away once he remembered Logan's occasional aversion to being touched. But Logan wrapped his arms around Patton, and Patton smiled before hugging him again.

"I've missed you, too."

"Uh, hey, Roman," Virgil said a bit sheepishly as Patton turned to Logan.

"Hello, Virgil," Roman said with a grin as he stepped closer. There were a couple of moments of silence, then Virgil threw his arms around Roman and Roman quickly reciprocated, placing a hand on Virgil's back and pressing him against his chest.

"It's lovely to finally see you, darling," Roman whispered as Virgil took a shaky breath and hid his face in the crook of Roman's neck. "I'm here now. It's okay."

"We're all together!" Patton squealed happily as he wrapped his arms around the two of them, and Roman felt Virgil smile against his skin.

Roman gave Logan an expectant smile, holding out his hand for Logan to take. And when he did, Roman pulled him into the group hug.

"It's really nice to finally be with all of you," Virgil muttered against Roman, voice cracking just slightly. Roman tightened his arm around him.

"It is," Patton beamed. "I'm so happy."

Roman groaned as he stood up off the couch and stretched his arms up, hearing his bones pop in the process. The four of them had gone out to eat that night, and it had been pure magic. It wasn't a particularly grand place, just a small diner around the corner, but the four of them being in the same place for the first time was just wonderful. Roman could put his arm around Patton, or reach over to take Logan or Virgil's hands. The way the four of them clicked together so naturally made Roman feel like he was walking on air.

Oh, how lucky he was to be blessed with soulmates.

When they got home, they had put a movie on the TV. But after a long day of travelling, Logan and Roman didn't last half the movie. When Roman woke up, Virgil had also fallen asleep and Patton was gone, but Roman could hear humming in the kitchen.

"Oh, hello, sweetie," Patton said as Roman walked in. "I'm making tea, would you like some?"

Roman nodded as he reached out towards Patton but hesitated. Patton then gently grabbed his arm and pulled Roman towards him.

"You don't have to worry about me. I always want cuddles," Patton sighed happily as he rested his head on Roman's chest. "You don't have to ask."

"But what if one day you don't-"

"Then I'll make sure to tell you. Though there's never been a day in my life I didn't want hugs."

Roman rested his cheek on Patton's fluffy hair and sighed. "I... I'm honestly sort of relieved. Obviously I'm not upset about Logan's boundaries, but..."

"You can tell me, honey," Patton urged as he tightened his grip around Roman. "It's alright."

"It's just... I've been fighting my insecurities for as long as I can remember. And physical affection just makes me feel better, I guess. It makes me feel secure and wanted," Roman said, voice getting softer from embarrassment. "And when I feel like I need it but Logan doesn't want to be touched, I just keep my mouth shut on how I'm feeling to not make him feel guilty."

"I get it," Patton said as he stepped back to cup Roman's face. "Virgil's the same way. Less often than Logan, but the same.

But I don't think you should hide how you're feeling from Logan. He'd feel bad you felt the need to hide from him. I just know he would want to know so he could find a way to help you. He loves you, Roman."

Roman huffed a bit as he pulled away from Patton to sit on the counter.

"But I don't want him to think I'm trying to pressure him."

"I know, I know. Roman... I get sad often. For no real reason in particular, sometimes. And physical affection helps me feel better, too. And just like Logan with you, Virgil is usually more than happy to help me. But for a while I, too, felt like I needed to keep it to myself because I didn't want to bother him."

"And?"

"He figured out, and he told me to tell him whenever I'm feeling sad. And we've found other ways. I'll sit next to him and we'll watch cat videos, or he'll show me his favorite music. Sometimes he'll say he can handle a little bit of touching and he lets me hold his hand or rest my head on his shoulder. But nothing is going to get better if you keep it to yourself."

Roman ducked his head as Patton gingerly pushed hair away from his face.

"Yeah, you're right," Roman said quietly. Patton pressed a kiss to his cheek. A smile grew on Roman's face. "And one day, we'll all live together, and we'll all balance each other out and love each other in our different ways. We'll never be more than a name call away from all the affection we need. Plus, while I'm here with you, I'll always be more than happy to give you lots and lots of attention."

Patton returned his soft smile as he cupped Roman's cheek. The two gazed at each other for a moment before connecting their lips, pulling the other towards them as close as they could.

The kiss was so incredibly soft. The two had to break apart for a moment just because their smiles grew so big, but they immediately reconnected their lips. It was gentle, just like Patton. Roman couldn't help but melt against him, promising himself that he was going to get as many Patton kisses as he could in his lifetime.

"I don't think I'll be able to handle another semester away from you," Patton said with a melancholy smile as they parted. Roman kissed him.

"Only a couple more years, darling. Then I'll be all yours."

Over the following days, Roman had the three of his loves in arms reach at all times. He could finally cuddle Patton against him or wrap Virgil tightly in his arms (and he'd never get tired of holding Logan). But the bliss couldn't last forever, and the day for them to leave for the holidays arrived.

Logan and Patton didn't have a far drive at all considering they were already in their hometown. Virgil had a good few hours, but Roman had to drive to the airport to get home, meaning he had to get up early in the morning and leave significantly sooner than the others.

"I'll see you soon, Specs," Roman said with a sad smile.

Logan met Roman halfway for a kiss. "See you soon."

Patton had been holding back tears all morning. But when Roman pulled him into a tight hug, he couldn't help that a few tears fell down his cheeks.

"Hey now, it's okay, darling. We'll see each other again soon. I lo- I'll miss you."

Patton's eyes widened and Roman tried not to wince at his slip up. But Patton gently placed a hand on Roman's cheek and pulled him down into a kiss.

"I love you," Patton whispered. Roman kissed him again.

"I love you, too."

They shared one more brief kiss before Patton let him go.

"I'll bring your bag out for you," Virgil said and walked out the door before Roman could say anything.

Roman gave one last goodbye to Patton and Logan and followed his other love.

"Call me when you land," Virgil said. "Want to make sure your plane didn't crash."

Virgil put Roman's suitcase in his trunk and slammed it shut. He wasn't looking at Roman.

"And drive safe. I know you like to play your music loud but be careful."

"I will."

"Well, um. I guess this is goodbye," Virgil said, staring at the ground.

"...Please look at me, darling."

Virgil huffed but slowly lifted his head, showing his red cheeks and puffy eyes.

"Oh, my dear," Roman said as Virgil let him pull him into a hug. "It'll be okay. We'll see each other again soon."

"I know," Virgil muttered into Roman's shirt. Virgil pulled away slowly, then placed his hands on Roman's cheeks to pull Roman down into a kiss. Roman pulled Virgil as tightly against him as he could, wishing this didn't have to end.

"I love you," Virgil whispered, surprising Roman. But he smiled.

"I love you, too. So much."

"Call me," Virgil said as he let Roman go.

"I will."

Virgil pressed one more quick kiss to Roman's lips before walking inside. And Roman smiled.

This is going to work out perfectly, he thought.

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shortprince-cos · 4 years ago

Text

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: He can have one brain cell. As a treat. Also, y'all knew I couldn't resist angst for this long.

Warnings: A little bit of anxiety, off-screen kissing, not much money(?). Tell me if I need to add anything else!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Chapter 6: Let's All Run From Our Problems, Shall We?

"Patton!" Roman called. "Why don't we go get ice cream for everyone while Virgil checks out?"

Patton debated it in his head for a second before responding. "Ok! What does everyone want?"

"I'll take a dark chocolate." Virgil requested while handing a five dollar bill to Patton to pay for his order.

"A vanilla, please." Logan handed Roman a ten.

"Alright! Let's begin our journey, Patton!" Roman linked arms with Patton and ventured out of the Hot Topic store.

Virgil immediately looked to Logan. "So what's that about?"

Logan flushed. "Wh- ahem- what do you mean?" He cleared his throat nervously.

"That was pretty out of the blue and strange, and you are definitely acting sus."

" 'Sus' is not a word-"

"What's your plan? To ditch me? Cause if that's your plan you can just tell me to leave-"

Logan put a hand on Virgil's shoulder, and for a moment Virgil thought he was about to die.

"Virgil, you invited us. If we didn't want to hang out with you, we wouldn't have come, ok?"

Virgil let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Ok." He sighed. "Then what is the plan?"

Logan turned red again. "Oh- um- well- I just wanted to um- surprise Patton with the plush he wanted, so- uh- Roman took him away to distract him." Logan explained nervously.

Virgil smirked. "Oh? Do you...like Patton?"

Logan turned towards the shelf where the Pusheen plush was. "Lets just get the plush and check out." Virgil chuckled as he followed.

---

"Here's your change." The cashier said as he handed Roman some pennies.

"Thank you, sir!" Roman graciously took the three pennies and joined Patton at the bench he was sitting at next to the ice cream stand.

"Your ice cream, my good sir." Roman dramatically handed Patton a superman ice cream cone with sprinkles on it.

"But- I didn't order any!" Patton protested.

"C'mon Patton, I saw the way you looked while ordering everyone else's!"

"Well- I-I can't pay you back-"

"I'm not asking you to." Roman continued to hand the ice cream to Patton, which Patton took reluctantly.

"Thanks." He said with a small smile.

"No problem, Padre. I mean, I can't count how many times you helped me with practicing my lines, or baking snacks for the musical cast, or even just coming to all our musicals, despite not having any friends in them! This is really the least I could do!"

Patton nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah gee, it wasn't that big of a deal! ...But thank you."

Roman took a sip of his milkshake. "Speaking of," he said with his mouth full. "why did you come to all the musicals? It's not like you knew anyone that well in the cast. We basically only talked when I needed something, and I'm pretty sure the rest of the cast did the same."

Patton's face went a little pinker. "Oh- well, uh- I just...like supporting you guys!"

Roman smirked. "Patton Hart, do I sense a lie?"

Patton panicked. "What?! No, of course not! Why would I lie about that?!"

Roman only smirked more and leaned closer. "Because someone there is really important to you?"

Patton's entire face went red. "I- well, I don't know if that's the only reason-"

"Aha!" Roman laughed. "He admits it! Who was it? No, who is it?"

"N-No one!"

"C'mon Patton, this is a safe space! I won't tell! But if you want I could totally help you!" He offered excitedly.

Patton thought about it for a second before sighing. "Islogan." He mumbled.

"Sorry, Pat, I didn't quite catch that." He said in a teasing tone.

"ITS LOGAN! I LIKE LOGAN!" Patton exclaimed.

"You do?" Suddenly Logan was a couple of feet from the bench they were sitting at, definitely hearing what Patton had said.

"Uh-" Patton practically shoved his ice cream into Roman's hands, quickly sat up and r a n.

"Oh sh-" Logan took off after him, leaving Roman and Virgil with extra ice cream and concerned faces.

"Um, I think we should let them sort that out." Roman said.

"Are you sure? What if Logan doesn't find Patton?"

"Logan took track in middle school and he still sticks to diets and work-outs. I think he'll be fine." Roman explained. "Besides, he'd probably run ten miles just for Patton to smile, so."

"Right, right." Virgil nervously sat down next to Roman, hoping that this wouldn't be awkward.

"So, what'd you get, Hot Topic?" Roman askee, pointing to Virgil's big bag.

"Aww, you think I'm hot." Virgil teased before he could stop himself. He said that with Princey one time, and it's become an inside joke for them.

Roman chuckled. "Indeed I do. Is that a problem?"

Virgil flushed a bit. "Only if you make it one." He flirted back. Wait, flirted?

"Oh?" Roman leaned in a little closer, and by little, Virgil means that wow his lips looked super soft. "Would you like me to make it a problem?" He asked, dropping his voice lower unfairly.

Virgil's face went redder. "I-" Virgil's phone started ringing. Thank god, Virgil didn't know if he liked where that was going or not, and he didn't want to find out either.

"S-Sorry I have to take this." Virgil quickly stood and walked a few steps away before answering. "H-Hello?"

"Hey, Virge! Just wondering if you're doing ok, I haven't heard from you for awhile." Emile said.

Virgil sighed in relief apon hearing his father. "Hey, Dad. Yeah, I'm doing good. Just eating ice cream right now."

"Oh good! How are your friends?" Ah. He was worried about him. "Everything going fine?"

"Uh-" Virgil glanced towards the direction Patton and Logan ran in, still not seeing them. "Yeah. Everyone's fine. We're having fun."

Emile sighed a little on the other side of the phone. "Good. Did you spend all your money yet?"

Virgil chuckled. "Ha ha. Very funny. But no, I still have some."

Emile chuckled as well. "That's really good. I'm happy for you, Virge."

"C'mon Dad, don't get all emotional on me now."

Emile laughed a little. "Alright, alright. I'll leave you be then. Call if you need anything!"

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too, Virgil." And with that, they hung up, and Virgil was left alone with Roman again.

Virgil sat next to Roman again, when this time Roman's phone dinged.

Roman gasped as he looked at the message. "It's Logan."

"What?" Virgil leaned over Roman to look at Logan's text. "What does it say?"

" 'Don't worry too much, we'll be back shortly. -Logan.' " Roman read off his screen.

"Does that mean everythings good?" Virgil asked cautiously.

"Sounds like it. Though, Logan isn't that great at communicating emotions over text." He chuckled.

"What do you think happened with them?"

"Hopefully they made out."

Virgil laughed hard, making Roman smile sadly.

"I hope they did too." Virgil said, still laughing. "I swore Patton was gonna swoon when I saw them talking for the first time. Or at least die of blush."

"Oh I know. They're so oblivious, its almost not funny anymore!" Roman smiled. "Almost."

From there, Roman and Virgil laughed over their friends' pining, eventually talking about all kinds of random things while the waited for Patton and Logan to return, all ice cream long gone.

"When Trevor missed his cue? God, I thought the show was over." Virgil reminisced.

Roman laughed that loud, boisterous, adorable laugh of his. "I still can't believe he did that! I mean, how do you forget when you do a quick change right before it?"

Virgil laughed along with Roman when two familiar faces showed up.

"So you ate all our ice cream?" Logan asked, calling attention to himself smiling softly and holding Patton's hand.

Roman and Virgil immediately brightened. "Logan! Patton! You two finally got together!" Roman exclaimed.

Both of them blushed and Patton even hid behind the Pusheen plush in embarrassment.

"Soooo~?" Roman teased. "Tell us everything."

"I-" Patton giggled. "I think we should maybe keep that to ourselves." He said as he blushed again.

"Oh my god, you two actually did make out." Virgil accused. Logan and Patton only went paler.

"OH MY GOD!" Virgil freaked. "YOU ABSOLUTELY DID!"

They all laughed over it after awhile, leaving Roman staring at his phone.

Now he really didn't have a chance.

~~~~~

{Next}

Ooooooo what does that mean????? Guess we'll find out soon~

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #kawaiikat54 fic #twoae fic #the woes of an emo fic #prinxiety #prinxiety fic #logicality #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #sanders sides high school au

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fangirlwriting-stories · 3 years ago

Text

Reflecting Light

Chapter One

Chapter Ten:

The rebellion base was huge. Remus had not expected anything so massive to be the main force fighting against his former home. He was a little surprised they weren’t more of a talked about threat. Maybe The Light just wanted them all to think there weren’t a lot of people against them, when that was clearly the opposite of the case.

Janus was bringing them in to dock, and Virgil was standing up next to him as the rest of the crew was working down on the deck to help with that process. Remus got another pass this time due to the child sitting on his shoulders to get a better view of what they were approaching. Virgil and Janus both seemed amused at Remus and Thomas’ awe.

“Your home is amazing!” Thomas called, turning quickly to Virgil and Janus.

“Woah, careful kid, I don’t want to drop you,” Remus called, reaching up to steady him.

“Sorry!” Thomas called down. “But isn’t it cool?”

“It’s very cool,” Remus agreed with a smile. “I like the garden.”

There was in fact a huge garden out in front of the base, complete with fruit trees, long lines of crops, and some flowers that seemed to be planted either for tea or for beauty’s sake. Remus had never seen anything like that in his home growing up.

“Yeah, it can sustain the whole base,” Virgil said. “This isn’t all, by the way, there’s more garden’s around back. Just the part up here would hardly sustain everyone in the rebellion and all the towns. Though Janus and I used the garden more for the climbing trees when we were kids.”

Thomas gasped in excitement. “Can I climb the trees?”

“As long as someone is there with you,” Janus said with a smile.

“Okay, I pick Remus!”

“Someone who will make sure you’re safe instead of deciding to climb the trees with you,” Janus amended.

“Rude,” Remus said, shooting not at all serious glare at Janus. “I will have you know this child’s safety is my second highest priority.”

“Which is right after?”

“Having fun.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Thomas giggled and leaned over so he could see Remus’ face. “I like having fun too. That’s why you’re my favorite.”

“Hey, I’m wounded,” Janus exclaimed, as Virgil pressed a hand to his chest with a similar spirit involved.

Thomas laughed again. “Too bad, Remus is my favorite!” he called, sticking his tongue out towards Janus and Virgil.

Virgil turned to Remus, shaking his head. “We bring you aboard our ship, we house you, feed you, care for you, and you betray us.”

“You should have seen it coming,” Remus said, reaching up to high five Thomas, who gladly did so. “I have not known any children since I was one myself, but I can say for a fact that they all love me.”

Virgil sighed and shook his head. “They probably will. It’s your crazy uncle energy.”

“Crazy uncle Remus!” Thomas called, wrapping his arms around Remus’ head, and coincidentally over his eyes, blocking Remus’ view.

“I’ve gone blind,” Remus said.

“You will never see again!” Thomas proclaimed loudly.

“Well, that’s a real shame,” Janus said casually. “I guess he can’t supervise your tree climbing then.”

“Okay, wait, he can see again!” Thomas called, and the hands were suddenly gone from Remus’ eyes. It was good timing too, as the ship was landing at that moment.

They’d landed alongside many other ships, and over to the side, a large set of double doors had opened and out of it walked an older man wearing a sweater vest and a pair of nice pants, along with glasses that were revealed to be a little crooked on his face as he approached.

“Welcome home, everyone!” he called as he boarded the ship. Everyone down below smiled and waved along with friendly chatter, and Remus immediately got the impression that the man, who could only be Janus and Virgil’s father, was well liked.

He came up towards the top of the deck last, and smiled immediately at Remus and Thomas.

“Janus, Virgil, did you pick up a couple of extra people on this trip?” he asked. Remus would have greatly disliked that question, and he figured Thomas would have too, if not for the large smile and the easygoing tone it was asked with.

“Uh, kinda, yeah,” Virgil said, rubbing the back of his neck. “This is Remus, he snuck on as a stowaway and we just kinda… kept him. And Thomas came from the orphanage last stop, we’re actually gonna have to talk about him.”

Now Thomas seemed uncomfortable, and ducked down behind Remus’ head.

“Hey, it’s okay, kid,” Remus said, reaching up to give Thomas a hand to squeeze.

“Oh yeah, nothing bad, I promise,” Virgil reassured.

“How could I ever think anything bad about someone as adorable as yourself, anyway? I’m Emile,” Emile said, walking forward and holding out a hand, which Thomas tentatively shook. “It’s lovely to meet you. And you as well, Remus.”

“Hey,” Remus said, giving a mini-salute. “Sorry I snuck onto your son’s ship, but I can’t promise I won’t do it again.”

Emile laughed. “Honest, I like that,” he said, and Remus winced inwardly. If he was going to describe himself, he had far too many secrets to count ‘honest’ as one of the words he’d use. “We’re always happy to welcome new people, whether they’re looking to help, or just need a place to stay.”

“Dad,” Janus said, rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to give them the slogan.”

“It’s a true slogan,” Emile said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Janus. “I can’t ask everyone who comes here to be comfortable with fighting The Light, some just got away from situations that would leave them very uncomfortable with doing so.”

Remus blinked, taking a minute to try and absorb that idea. Back at The Light, if he ever admitted to being uncomfortable with anything, he was told to suck it up, smacked, or smacked and told to suck it up. But he doubted that with what Emile just said that would be his main course of action. That meant he might not have to fight Roman. Something in Remus’ chest that had been tense since he’d run from The Light finally started to loosen.

“Yeah, yeah,” Virgil said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the railway over the main deck. “But anyway, we’re not staying long. I mean, Thomas and Remus can stay if they want to,” he said, although Remus could already tell he didn’t seem happy about the idea. “But we only came because we ran out of food. We have a few more stops to make.”

“Alright,” Emile said, although he didn’t look very happy about that either. “But you’re staying the night, you hear?”

“Alright,” Virgil said, in the tone of voice he used when he was pretending to be very annoyed. He turned to Remus and Thomas a second later. “Do you guys want a tour?”

“Oh! Oh, yes please!” Thomas called happily. “I wanna see where you and Janus grew up!”

“Well, unfortunately,” Emile said. “The two of them have to get the food situation handled for the rest of your trip. But I can do that while they’re busy.”

“What? Dad!” Virgil exclaimed.

“You can join when you’re done,” Emile said with an amused smile.

Neither Janus or Virgil looked happy about this development, but they didn’t complain as Remus and Thomas followed Emile down to the deck and off the ship. Thomas waved to everyone as they went, who all smiled as they waved back. Thomas had pretty quickly become everyone’s favorite person on board. The kid lit up the space around him.

“So you saw the garden as you came in,” Emile said as they walked past the garden to the doors. He pulled them open, and revealed a long hallway with numerous doors and a few people milling about.

“Hey Remus, let me down!” Thomas called. Remus reached up and picked Thomas up off his shoulders, then set him down on the ground, holding on to his hand so he could be sure Thomas wouldn’t run off to talk to someone and get lost in this giant base they’d never been in before.

Thomas waved at quite a few people as they passed, and everyone once again waved back with a smile. Emile stepped up to Remus’ other side as they walked. “Well he seems to make friends easily, doesn’t he?” he asked.

Remus smiled a little himself and nodded. “It’s very offensive to people like me, who cannot make friends to save their life.”

Emile laughed. “Oh, I don’t know,” he said with a smile. “You seem to have won over both of my sons.”

“That was different, I impressed them by sneaking onto their ship. I intimidated them into friendship.”

“Ah, yes, you’re very intimidating,” Emile said, with an amused look that meant he definitely didn’t believe that in the slightest. Remus was going to have to change that, but that could happen after they finished their trip.

They made their way down the long hallway as Emile introduced them to a couple of people, and turned right at the end, heading down a second hallway with significantly more people there. They headed down that way a little as Emile showed them the cafeteria, which was much smaller than the cafeteria from The Light, but there were apparently multiple throughout the base, so that made more sense. The cafeteria was pretty full at the moment, as it apparently usually was, and quite a few people recognized Emile as they walked through it, waving to him and then introducing themselves to Thomas and Remus.

They headed out the other side of the cafeteria into what Emile said were sleeping quarters. Most rooms were pretty small due to the sheer number of people that were there, but unlike Remus and Roman’s room as a kid, most were decorated, and quite a few themes spilled out into the hallway, making the whole stretch a mish-mash of colors and decorations of all different kinds, many of which shouldn’t have worked together but somehow did, like the room decorated with flowers and bees right next to the one covered in bats and pumpkins.

They headed down to a couple of empty rooms at the end of the hallway, where Emile said they could have free reign to pick one out, as even if they were going to be following Janus and Virgil on trips they would likely spend a fair amount of time here. Thomas pulled away from Remus’ hand and ran off to look in several rooms as Remus hung back a bit with Emile.

He turned to look back down the hallway again, taking in this place that he never thought he would see. His life had changed more than slightly since he’d met Janus and Virgil. He couldn’t be sure if he’d like it here more than back home. The idea that no one would hurt him on purpose was… nice, though Remus still wasn’t sure how much he could trust it yet. And he wasn’t sure how easily he could stomach the idea of fighting against Logan, Patton, and Roman, or even just staying with people who did.

He hadn’t been sure what to think about them in everything that had happened lately. If what Virgil had said about such treatment being undeserved was true, Remus didn’t want to think about the possibility that without him there, they’d move on to someone else. What if Roman got hurt because he’d left? Remus wasn’t sure how he’d live with himself.

“Are you alright?” Emile asked suddenly.

Remus started and turned back to face him. “Huh?”

“You looked bothered for a second there. Are you alright?”

Remus swallowed. “Fine. I’m just… thinking.” He turned back to face Thomas, who was still running between rooms, and tried to make a massive decision in a couple seconds. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t get very far.

“Are you worried about Thomas?” Emile asked. “I got the impression from Virgil introducing him that he was in trouble. That’s the tone he always uses when he’s worried about someone.”

Remus winced. “You should probably ask him and Janus about that. I’m not so sure I’m… qualified to tell you.”

“Oh?” Emile asked, sounding curious. “Why do you think that?”

Remus hesitated again and sighed. “Thomas came from the orphanage at the last stop we made. Virgil and I found out that the person who runs the place was hurting him, which Virgil said was super not okay.”

“Well I would hope that’s what he’d say,” Emile said, crossing his arms as his look turned more curious. “But why exactly would you not be qualified to tell me that?”

Ah, he was running up against that giant decision again. “…How do you feel about Light soldiers?” he blurted out suddenly.

Emile gave a small knowing nod, and Remus was definitely fucked, and not even in the good way. “I don’t think I could tell you,” he said. “I haven’t to my knowledge ever met a Light soldier, so I’m not sure what their life and experiences have been like. If I happened to meet one, I can promise you I would hear them out before I made a decision.”

Remus didn’t say anything to that. He waited long enough that Thomas stuck his head out of the room he was currently in. “I like this one!” he called. “Remus, you can take the one next to it, okay?”

“You got it, kid!” Remus called with a mini-salute. Thomas nodded like that was acceptable and then disappeared back into the room. Remus was quiet for another moment. Finally, he turned to face Emile.

“I don’t know how I can trust you,” he said finally.

“I don’t know why I would ask you to,” Emile replied. “Although I do have to tell you that if I get any kind of sense that you might hurt my sons, I’m not going to trust you.”

Remus didn’t say anything again. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he also very much did not like the silence.

“Hypothetically,” he started. “Let’s say that there was a soldier from The Light who might have gone through something kinda similar to Thomas.”

Emile nodded. “Alright.”

“And he ran away and ended up on a random ship that completely accidentally was led by the sons of the head of the resistance. And it really was accidental. This soldier did not at all intend to make that ship the one he picked. He just… wanted out.”

“Duly noted.”

“But he didn’t really think there was anything wrong with the way he was treated,” Remus muttered, looking away. “Not until he came across Thomas and realized that wasn’t okay either. And then he started questioning everything a little bit. He was never really sure if The Light as a whole was something he agreed with or not, and by that point he was already very close with two leading members of the resistance anyway, and he’s pretty sure he’s not going to betray any of them. He’s definitely not going to go back to The Light. Would this soldier have to worry about getting killed or made a prisoner if he was found out?”

Emile smiled reassuringly. “No, he wouldn’t,” he said. “And I sincerely hope this hypothetical soldier can one day come to realize that the way he was treated was not okay.”

Remus wasn’t entirely sure what to say to that, just crossed his arms and looked back towards the room Thomas was still in.

He was about to head towards it when Emile spoke up again. “Have you thought about telling Janus and Virgil about this?”

Alarm bells immediately went off in Remus’ head. “What?” he asked, turning back to Emile. “But— but Virgil was already pissed when he found out what happened with Thomas, if I tell them about my past they’ll hate me! And I don’t want them to do that!”

To Remus’ surprise, Emile just laughed. “What makes you so sure they’ll hate you?”

“What— because they—”

Remus,” Emile interrupted, shaking his head. “I raised them better than that.”

Remus blinked, and looked down slightly as he processed the statement. “Oh.” He looked down. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Remus thought about that another second. “Okay,” he said finally. “I’ll think about it.”

“Hey!”

Both Remus and Emile glanced over to see Thomas in the doorway of the room he’d picked again. “Are you two gonna come look at my new room or what?”

“Sorry about that, Thomas,” Emile said, as they both started over. “We were just talking. So you like this room, huh?”

…

Remus didn’t end up telling Janus or Virgil that night. They ate dinner and went to some of Virgil and Janus’ favorite places around the base instead. Janus spent most of his time in the planning room when he was needed there, and in the library when he wasn’t. Virgil spent his time similarly, although his free time was spent playing or writing music. Thomas enjoyed that part very much, although Remus was pretty sure Virgil would be playing different songs if Thomas wasn’t around.

Remus hadn’t given a ton of thought to what he liked to do before, as back home he’d spent most of his time either doing something the others liked doing, or breaking the rules for fun when he thought he could get away with it. He didn’t mind the idea of writing songs with Virgil. He might try that sometime, as long as Thomas wasn’t around, because he would definitely be scolded if Thomas heard the kind of songs he’d enjoy writing.

They went to bed fairly early since they had to get up the next morning. Remus stayed in the room next to Thomas like he’d planned, and slept alright considering everything that was on his mind.

Remus got up when Thomas did the next morning, which was far too early for Remus’ liking, but it’s not like he could do much about it when Thomas ran into the room and threw himself on top of his chest.

“I want breakfast!” Thomas called happily. “Janus said they’re making pancakes!”

“What the hell is a pancake?” Remus wheezed out, moving Thomas off of his chest and onto the bed next to him.

Apparently he had said something truly horrible, because Thomas gasped like Remus had killed a puppy in front of him. “How do you not know what a pancake is?! Did Shane never let you have pancakes?”

“Uh, I don’t think that was unique to me,” Remus said, scratching at the hair on the back of his head.

“Shane didn’t let anyone have pancakes?”

Remus laughed a little. “That wasn’t up to Shane, kid. The people in charge picked the food we got to eat.”

“Oh my gosh, they’re horrible too!” Thomas exclaimed. “You have to come eat all of the pancakes now, come on!” He grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled them both out of the room and back towards the cafeteria before either of them had even changed out of their pajamas.

Luckily they didn’t seem to be alone in that, as most people in the cafeteria were clearly not dressed yet. Remus found Jackson and Steven near the door of the room, and headed over to them with Thomas waving as they did so.

“Good morning!” Thomas called happily.

“Morning,” Steven said with a smile.

“You guys, you guys,” Thomas said, tugging on Jackson’s hand. “Remus said he’s never had pancakes!”

Jackson gave him a look. “What horrible place did you grow up in?”

“Ask your mom,” Remus replied on instinct.

Jackson stuck his tongue out at him. “Joke’s on you, I have two dads.”

“Dammit. How am I supposed to defend against the gays? I can’t fight my own people, Jackson.”

Jackson laughed. “Exactly. You’ve trapped yourself.”

“You’ve trapped me. It’s your own fault for having two dads.”

“Well now I have a whole ship full of parents, I win!” Thomas called, which made the other three adults there burst out laughing.

“You aren’t wrong, kid,” Remus said, ruffling Thomas’ hair.

They reached the front of the line at that point, and they were each handed a plate of three flat fluffy cake-like things.

Thomas thanked the men serving the pancakes and walked over to a nearby table, which happened to be the one that Virgil and Janus were sitting at with Emile. Remus, Steven, and Jackson joined a second later.

“G’morning,” Remus said.

“Remus has never eaten pancakes!” Thomas announced to the table. “Everyone watch him as he takes a bite.”

“Oh great, that’ll be fun,” Remus muttered under his breath. He shoved a bite in his mouth before anyone could reply to or fully process Thomas’ sentence.

“Yep, it’s good, I don’t know how I’ve gone my whole life without eating this, you all truly live a luxurious life,” Remus said through a mouthful of food.

Virgil snorted. “Dude, don’t talk with your mouth full, you’re disgusting,”

“Thank you,” Remus said, with his mouth still full.

They were supposed to be leaving after breakfast, but Remus thought that maybe they should call it off when he noticed Janus. He’d known he wasn’t a morning person, but he didn’t normally have a library of books to stay up in all night.

“Uh, you sure you’re not gonna collapse, Jan?” he asked.

Janus moved his exhausted look over to Remus. Remus was fairly sure he was trying to glare at him, but he was too tired for it to come across properly, and it really just resulted in Remus starting to laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’m flying the ship today,” Virgil said with a smirk. “He’s gonna nap for another couple hours when we start flying.”

“Hey, that’s just not fair,” Steven said. “None of the rest of us get to nap.”

“Talk to me after you can organize the cargo properly, Steven,” Virgil said.

Steven stuck his tongue out and Virgil laughed.

They gathered the food and other cargo they’d need for the rest of their trip onto the ship after breakfast, and everyone started preparing to launch as a couple people came out to wish them goodbye.

Thomas had announced very loudly that he wanted to go with Virgil and Janus again, and there was no way Remus was going to stay here without his new family, so they both planned on saying goodbye to Emile before heading back on board.

Virgil and Janus were talking to him as they walked up.

“And make sure you’re back on time this time around,” Emile said. “I never see you two enough.”

“We’ll be back on time, don’t worry,” Janus said, giving Emile a quick hug before turning back to the ship. “Now I’m going back to bed.”

“Enjoy you’re beauty sleep, Princess!” Virgil called.

“I will, thanks so much!”

Virgil shook his head after Janus and laughed a little as he headed for the ship too, calling a goodbye with a comment that he should get ready to fly. Thomas ran off after him before Emile turned to Remus.

“Remus, remember what we talked about, okay?” Emile said, raising an eyebrow. “Give it some thought?”

Remus sighed. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

Remus waved too as he headed off to the ship and followed Thomas and Virgil up to the wheel. They took off not long after, with Remus standing next to Thomas who wanted to lean over the side and wave to Emile as they took off. It was only when the rebellion base was finally out of sight that they both headed over next to Virgil again.

“Alright,” Virgil said. “We’ll be in the next town by lunch, probably. We’ve only got a couple more places to stop at and then we’re going straight back home. We’ve got some strategizing to do. I think we’re actually going to make a strike somewhere soon. You should know the area, Remus, it’s close to where we picked you up.”

Remus stilled. Okay. Well that made his decision for him. “Virgil, I have to tell you guys something. Can I talk to you and Janus after we make the drop off today?”

Virgil looked curiously at him. “Sure. Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine. Just… stuff.”

Virgil’s look turned much more concerned. “You’re sure it can wait? You’re not in trouble, right?”

Remus shook his head.

Thomas tugged slightly on his arm, and Remus looked down. “Promise?” he whispered, looking like he had much more of an idea what was going on.

Remus nodded. “Promise,” he said, both to Thomas and to Virgil.

Virgil nodded a little when he looked back up. “Okay,” he said. “Yeah, of course we can talk.”

Remus nodded a little and looked out at the horizon. The sun was behind a cloud at the moment and they were flying past a flock of birds that Remus let his gaze settle on.

He wasn’t going to fight the people he’d grown up with. If they were striking the area he came from, that meant he could run into Roman. And he wasn’t going to fight his brother, no matter what he ended up deciding about The Light.

It would be fine. Emile said that Virgil and Janus wouldn’t hate him. And they wouldn’t make him fight the people he grew up with. He had evidence of that at this point. It was going to be okay.

…

They arrived in the town they were heading for right around the time Virgil said they would. Thomas was told to stay on the ship that time, as they were behind schedule now and couldn’t risk the delight of a child when met with a market to shop in.

They only had to deliver supplies to a couple shops before heading home, so Virgil, Remus, and Janus each took a couple of boxes and headed for one of the shops before they’d meet back at the ship.

Remus delivered to a nice woman who gave him a free meal, which Remus appreciated but which also reminded him of the conversation he was going to have with Janus and Virgil after lunchtime. Now he had no excuse to put it off. Dammit lady, don’t you know it’s rude to give people a free lunch?

…That sounded better in his head.

However, fortunately— unfortunately? Why did this have to happen today— Remus stumbled across an excuse to put off the conversation the second that he stepped out of the shop.

“Remus!”

Remus froze the second he heard the voice, and then it was followed by a rough hand on his arm and Remus couldn’t breathe. He was spun around to face someone he hadn’t thought he’d ever see again.

“Remus, what the actual hell?” Roman said, pulling Remus closer by the arm, and Remus didn’t like that at all, thanks. He looked around the street to find it empty. Of course it was. Everyone must have left the moment they saw The Light soldier.

“Let go of me,” he growled, shoving Roman backwards.

“Like hell,” Roman snapped, pulling Remus closer, and before Remus could consider whether this was really a good idea he reached out and shoved Roman off of him, then turned to run.

But Roman must have been either quicker or more determined than he realized, because he’d barely made it a couple steps before Roman grabbed his arm again, and yanked him backwards.

“Hey, you’re not leaving until you answer some fucking questions!”

“Let go of me,” Remus said, not liking the way his voice suddenly sounded weaker, and taking a step backwards towards the wall. He was trying to find it in him to listen to the voice in his head telling him this was Roman, not Shane, and Roman had never once hurt him.

Roman must have picked up on something, though, because he finally let go of Remus’ arm, though he didn’t move far enough away for Remus’ liking.

“Seriously, Remus, what the hell? Why did you just vanish suddenly? Are you seriously traveling with the heads of the rebellion? Don’t tell me you’ve actually turned traitor.”

“Get away from me,” Remus said, moving along the wall. “You can’t make me go back. I can’t do it again.”

Roman’s gaze turned confused. “Can’t do what again?”

“Look I know you don’t think it’s a big deal,” Remus said, squeezing his eyes shut. “None of us thought it was a big deal, but it’s not— Virgil said it’s not okay.”

“You are traveling with Virgil?” Roman asked, taking a step closer. “Remus, seriously, what—”

“Get away from me,” Remus snapped, still backing away, but he didn’t make it more than a couple steps before a different, also familiar arm grabbed him, and this one spun him around and slammed him into a nearby wall.

“You little piece of shit,” Shane hissed in his ear. “You actually did run away like a cowardly traitor.”

“Shane!” Roman called in the background, sounding shocked. Remus couldn’t imagine why. What had he thought would happen?

“And here I thought you couldn’t possibly turn out to be any more worthless than I already thought you were,” Shane growled. “You had to go and prove me wrong.”

Remus pushed weakly against the wall in front of him, but couldn’t really get anywhere with the way his arms were shaking.

“Oh, you’re not getting away again,” Shane snapped, pulling Remus back just enough to have force when he slammed his head into the wall again. Remus blinked, suddenly dizzy.

“Go on then, you little pest. Say it. Tell me what you are.”

Remus braced himself against the wall again, trying to think past the way his chest was constricting. “No,” he got out.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Shane growled. “I’m sure I didn’t hear you properly. Say it.”

Remus winced and dropped his arms, trying to muster the will to raise them again. “I— I— I’m—”

The presence at his back was suddenly gone, and by the time Remus spun around Shane was on the ground, a shadow being cast over him by Janus, who lifted up and slammed his foot down on Shane’s head, knocking him out.

“That,” he said. “Is quite enough.”

Remus turned and leaned against the wall, trying to push himself up. “Janus—”

Janus turned to face Remus, and his breath caught when he saw the anger on Janus’ face. He cast half a glance down the street to Roman, then looked back at him, and Remus’ heart fell to his shoes.

“We’re leaving in ten minutes,” Janus said, moving to stand over the guard again. “Be back on the ship by then. Virgil, come help me carry this piece of shit.”

Remus looked back towards the end of the street, where Virgil was standing and staring at him, with a face more shocked than angry. Remus tried to come up with something to say, but after a minute Virgil’s face hardened and he moved forward to help Janus pick up Shane. They both carried him around the corner and out of sight, and Remus finally managed to push himself off of the wall.

“…Remus?”

Remus turned around, finding Roman looking shocked and a little stricken. “Remus, what—” he started.

“You—” Remus cut him off. He breathed in for four seconds and held it, looking back towards the direction Virgil and Janus had taken Shane. Something in his chest snapped in half. “You brought him here?”

“What?”

Remus turned back to Roman. “You were going to bring me back? With him?”

“Back? Hang on, Remus—”

Remus spun back around and buried his hands in his hair. “Holy fuck, Roman,” he choked out. “Look, I know what things are like back home, but you didn’t even consider what you were doing for a second?”

“Woah, hang on. You think I—”

“Shut up!” Remus screamed. People must have heard him, because they started poking their heads back out of houses and around corners. “Shut up, you—” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down the thoughts racing through his head. “They might just kill you if you go home empty handed,” he muttered.

“Remus—”

“Fine, come back to the ship if you want,” Remus said, starting for the edge of the street himself. “But stay the fuck away from me, do you understand?”

He walked around the corner without looking back.

Chapter Eleven

#sanders sides #remus sanders #roman sanders #pirates #rebellion #angst #abuse #tw abuse #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #my fic

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