#never would have guessed that being able to rewrite a sentence 2-3 times can feel like luxury but here we are

[herearedragons]

The first entry for the second draft of “The Breach” is done!

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

[a-cai-jpg]

if you’ll stay with me, we can rewrite the rules of the universe

"does she have to go away? can't they just live together happily?" - director son, melo is my nature

there's an idiom in chinese that i think about a lot.

天下没有不散的酒席

the first time i heard it, it was season 2 of a drama i loved as a kid--three years old, sitting too close to an old, heavy color television, my cousin warm by my elbow, and my grandmother's voice drifting in from the kitchen.

(it's a technicolor memory, filtered a little yellow with age.)

season 3 of this drama is something i try to never watch.

first of all, they changed the cast, and even though leo ku is a beautiful man, he couldn't replace the legend, alec su.

(we don't talk about the new female lead.)

second of all, shit hits the fan and the character i loved the most becomes the character i hated the most.

third of all,

the idiom becomes true.

(there is no such thing as a banquet that never ends.)

see, the drama is about two girls who meet each other in historical beijing and become sworn sisters despite being polar opposites of each other. where one is gentle and demure, the other is reckless and brash. one of them (guess which?) happens to be the long-lost daughter of the sitting emperor. the other girl promises to help her reach her father. after a series of unfortunate events, the emperor crowns the wrong girl as princess. season 1 is about the fake princess sneaking the real princess into the palace, their struggles with palace life and figuring out a way for the emperor to recognize his real daughter without executing his fake one, and them falling in love--one with the 5th prince and the other with a son of a palace official.

eventually, the misunderstandings are addressed, and the emperor realizes he loves both girls too much to have harm come to either of them, so he recognizes both as his daughters. more things happen, but eventually, the two girls get married, and it's happily ever after.

BUT.

but they decided to make a season 3.

(in hindsight, it makes sense, because the non-blood related princess could have never lived a happy life caged in the palace, but it's nice to dream ok)

season 3 ends with the non-blood related princess and the prince she marries (my childhood crush) leaving the palace for good, and thereby giving up the throne, to live in yunnan. many, many years later, a carriage arrives at their tea field, and it's the emperor visiting them during the last years of his very long reign.

even writing this really poorly-articulated synopsis can bring me to tears. it's not an ending i can watch without crying.

(i can still see the ending in my mind's eye. the scarf around her hair, the basket of tea leaves by her side, the sound of children laughing and the carriage rolling to a stop. they see erkang first. yongqi and xiao yanzi greet him and their laughter is wild from happiness. but then erkang lifts the curtain to the carriage, and the emperor steps down from the coach.)

(the moment yongqi drops to his knees and says 皇阿玛 is usually when i start bawling.)

(the end end is them riding the carriage together, singing, and the words 全剧终  appear on screen, and you can almost fool yourself into believing that the carriage just continues on until they are back in the palace, ten years into the past.)

i like endings where everyone stays in one place.

senior year of high school, i watched a drama where the ending was a group of friends, who had bound together to conquer evil, literally all going their own ways and the main character dying, and i was so traumatized, i cried for three hours, shakily typing up my english essay through a curtain of tears until 6am in the morning.

when i finally went to bed the following night, i rewrote the ending in my head.

maybe because i was so tired, or maybe because the pain was too raw and not something i wanted to face, i managed to convince my sleep-addled brain that the drama actually ended with the female lead gathering the remnants of the male lead's soul, finding an elder in the snow-capped mountains (which is the setting where the drama leaves us), bringing him back to life, and the two of them returning home, where their friends have gathered to welcome him back.

this remains my most successful daydream yet (nightdream?), because i can still see the fabricated scenes play out in my head, the imagined emotions on the actor's faces, the ghost of a soundtrack playing in the background.

there's still a very, very large part of me that likes for everyone to stay in one place. 

but maybe it's getting used to reality, or maybe it's me viscerally feeling how difficult it is to stay in a place for too long, i've slowly started to accept people dispersing.

i used to not understand those scenes in dramas where old friends who have moved away come to visit the main character for just one afternoon, because in my head, i would always think wow, i would've had them stay. my friends would've stayed the week.

but see, time doesn't move in a way that lets us stroll in the past for a very long time. now, i'm grateful for the hours taken out of a night to meet with familiar faces and make plans for a future we know might not happen. i swallow the faint wrenching feeling when we bid goodbye, and continue my own solitary journey home, and through life.

but in the end, we move through the world alone and with nothing.

there's still a very, very large part of me that likes for everyone to stay in one place, but i'm guilty of leaving.

you'd think after four years, i'd be used to not knowing what home is, but i'm still a little scared of going away.

i don't know what i'll do with my room when i do. i don't know what to do with the posters on the walls (magazines cut-outs from high school still posted above the living room desk that has long not been mine), or my mountain of books that spill into every room in the house, or my keyboard sitting heavily above my bureau, or my guitar stashed by my closet, or my upright.

i don't know when i'll play my upright again, and that thought in itself really hurts.

i used to do this thing where i count the number of hours i'll be able to spend time with another person. i used to do it with my grandparents and it's honestly the most painful exercise of all time.

i try not to do it now, and as i write this, i'm actively pushing the process out of my mind, because i know i'll be able to calculate the number of hours left i can live in this house.

in my final story for my creative writing project, someone says this to the main character, "You were banking on us to preserve this idealistic vision of the past--to stay the same--so that when you got tired of being an adult, you could return home to us. But, we were growing too. Maybe we were growing in tandem with each other, but out of sync with you."

this is a line buried in the text among many other sentences that i think are a lot more beautiful. but, this is the line that took me over two weeks to write. for the first time, i tried to put the anxiety and regret i felt for four years into words. 

(that sort of reckoning is akin to pulling out your chordae tendineae through your esophagus and wrestling them into something worth presenting to the world.)

see, i want to experience the world, get to know foreign lands over the period of a couple of years, call the hidden corners of large cities home, visit mountain tops and build a life there, but i don't want the world to change.

part of it is because if it does, i'll never get to know the world. the japan i'll see in the future will never be the japan i saw last year and the japan i missed this year.

part of it is because life is a long, tiresome process of getting used to the new. as i grow up and out of this two-story condo, i am constantly having to digest this larger, more nuanced picture of the world. but, sometimes i get tired and i want to fall back on something familiar.

sometimes, that something familiar changes, and you're left utterly, completely alone.

i'm more used to this process now. i'm no longer so bothered by it that i balk at the idea of my parents moving.

i still feel unsettled when i think about the coming four years and the years after that and the notion that really, this bed i'm sleeping in is not going to be my bed anymore.

and this time, it seems like it will be permanent.

i was watching this variety show with a singer i like very much yesterday night, laughing and crying, and wrote this next bit in chinese.

i'll translate it here.

hua chenyu is a very peculiar existence in my heart.

i don't particularly love his voice, but i view his music as a sort of standard for all pop music. he has changed a lot since 2013, when he first debuted, but he still has this aura of aloofness, maybe because of his single-minded obsession with music.

but, when i saw him lift his head to look at his college bandmates on a large screen, over a webcam, the love and happiness in his slightly reddened eyes were indisputable. in that moment, the look of nostalgia and wistfulness in his gaze suddenly made me think that he's grown up a little, aged a little.

(this following part i wrote in english)

they performed a song they used to play a lot in college over some sort of webcamming interface.

but, see, there is a difference.

i used to think that it didn't matter how far away my friends were from me, because technology has taken distance and shrunken it to a few lines of text or a phone call. but, there's something irreplaceable about the voice of a person you love without the tinny grain of the mic, about the warmth of another someone next to you that you can lean against. 

sometimes, we are lucky and for a few years of our lives, we have someone who can understand the messy scrawl over a few pages of our stories. sometimes, we are lucky, and that someone takes up chapters and arcs.

(isn't that a very nice thought.)

(华晨宇在我心中是一个很神奇的存在。我并不是特别喜欢他的声音，可是我就是会以他的音乐为目标，为典范。他从2013年 刚开始参加快男到现在 变了很多。但他一直有一种拒人于千里之外的感觉， 也许是因为他对音乐的执着。可是当我看见他抬头看着在屏幕上的大学乐队成员。。。他泛红眼里的爱和快乐是不可忽视的。在那一瞬间 他眼中的留恋突然让我觉得他好像长大了一点，老了一点。)

(i'm like weirdly proud because i couldn't have written this two years ago. see, reading in a different language really helps you learn that language. too bad my students never LiStEnEd.)

(i realize i talk about this creative writing story a lot. it's because it is my story. the story of me and my largest 心结. something like that.)

(maybe i'll post it one day.)

(or maybe not.)

song rec: kevin oh - mortifying love

glossary: the first drama mentioned is 还珠格格 (princess returning pearl erkang = son of the palace official, married to the blood related princess yongqi = 5th prince, one of the most tragic existences in chinese history xiao yanzi = the princess returning pearl, the non-blood related princess, married to yongqi 皇阿玛 = in the qing dynasty, princes and princesses who were sons and daughters of the emperor had to call their father by this greeting 全剧终 = the end the second drama mentioned is 古剑奇谭·(legend of the ancient sword) 心结 = literally, heart knot. i don’t know how to translate it, but i liken it to the freudian concept of a fixation...? 

[scribeofred]

2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47!

2. Whatis your latest fandom?

My latestfandom is Batman in terms of fic. There’s a wealth of reading material in it,and it is almost perfectly suited to my preference for brothers-relatedmaterial. There are also some very very very good writers to be found, and I’menjoying being able to consume in a large scale again, at least when I’m notsick of reading due to work.

3. Whatis the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

In termsof “this is my ideal place and I am never leaning,” absolutely Thunderbirds. It’salso a… very small fandom, and for a choosy consumer such as myself, that’sbeen a serious problem over the last year or two, what with the departure of alot of my favorite writers. Nevertheless, the world and the characters have embeddeddeep in my heart, and I’ll always be around somewhere in the fandom in one iterationor another.

5. Whichfandoms have your written fanfiction for?

A few! Ihave published fics for TRON: Legacy, Assassin’s Creed, FFVII, Star Wars, Sherlock,Thunderbirds, FFXV, and VLD.

As far asentirely unpublished fandoms… I have an enormous Merlin AU completelyoutlined, but I only wrote snippets of it. Too bad, because it was going to beSO GOOD. Alas, I am no good with monster projects, so it languishes, probablyforever. Unless I post the outline here. Hmm. I could do that…

7. Listyour NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Oh man. Well.Let’s see. Automatically anything incest or slash, they’re just not my mug ofpomegranate juice. Other than that, I’m relatively fluid when it comes topairings and tend to go in for anything that’s well-written and has dynamicsthat are to my taste, so I rarely hit upon pairings that make me nope entirely out.I tend to just not care about anything that doesn’t strike my fancy.

11. Whois your current OTP?

As notedabove, I am not a hardcore shipper. Favorite pairings come and go depending onmood and whether they’ve become boring due to overuse/overexposure/passage oftime or not. If I had to pick, I’d say I still default to Scott/Penny, though,because I’m still writing ’em.

13. Goon, who are your BroTPs?

Mostrecent fandoms only, in no particular order: Shiro & Pidge, Shiro &Hunk, Keith & Pidge, Keith & Hunk (VLD); Scott & Virgil, Scott& John, insert-all-possible-bro-combinations-here (TB); Dick & Jason,Jason & Stephanie, Jason & Cass, Cass & everyone, Jason & Damian(Batman).

17. Whatship have you written the most about?

I am stillinfluenced a ton by TOS, so as of the last five years, it’s Scott/Penny. They’rethe ultimate power couple, both heirs to enormous fortunes, and let’s face it:they look incredible on each other’s arm. The dynamics are lovely between them,very arch, very clever, and finding ways to make them relax around one anotheris just genuinely my favorite.

19. Anyships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Nyx/Araneafrom FFXV came out of the blue. I think I saw someone had written it once duringone of my only glances at the fandom’s AO3 section, and it lodged in my brain. Imean. I’ve read exactly one (1) fic for them and have written an equal numberof fics with them, and I don’t really think about them on my own time nowadays,but they did click with me, at least very briefly. I also super wasn’texpecting to like Shiro/Allura from VLD, but they touched hands in S2, and Idid that little flappy hand thing and made The Noise, and I knew I was InTrouble.

23. Whatfic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

See, I dothis thing. Where once I’ve posted a fic, I am disinclined to reread it withoutsome serious—usually external—prompting. Not because I hate it! But because I’vejust moved on to new ideas—that one has had all the hooks it had in my brainreleased by way of posting the story, and I don’t need to think about it anylonger. I’m not very interested in rewriting old material, although last week Idid reread Three Towels and a Tracy for the first time in a couple years, and Imade a few tiny tweaks to the AO3 version for improved readability. I edit soheavily while I initially write a story, though, that I really don’t leavemyself much room for editing/rewriting at a late date.

Arealistic answer would be “probably the first ten or so stories I posted becauseI know So Much More about writing, especially the technical elements, now thanI did then, and there are undoubtedly many missing/misplaced commas int them.”

29. Whatinspires you to write?

Sometimesit’s vivid mental images that I Must Put Into Words (an upcoming FFVII story);sometimes a piece of art or a song compels me to put words down. Imagery is abig thing in my writing, so it tends to be something visual that sparks aproject, although occasionally combinations of words just *sing* to be put downsomewhere. Truth told, I write for SS and no one else, so yeah, she’s myinspiration.

31. Doyou listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which bandor genre of music does it for you?

Music inand of itself rarely inspires me these days, with one notable exception, but I dousually listen to it while writing. Anything instrumental gets at least tried,but I lean toward film/game/TV scores (Hans Zimmer yaaaaaasssss), smooth jazz, epicproduction music, and some electronic music. If music is too much for onereason or another, I will pull up a soundscape generator—myNoise is amazing; I’vebeen all over the Black Hole soundscape recently—and let that run on animatefor an hour or two.

37. Doyou use established canon characters, or do you create OCs?

I alwaystry to write canon characters unless it’s necessary to create a person for aspecific scenario. OCs can be hard to connect with unless you’re very good at makingreaders care, so they’re a bit risky. I know I prefer to read about canoncharacters, though, so that drives my thinking when I create plots/scenarios.

41. Listand link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

@preludeinz is just… one of the best writers you’re ever going to find. The way she’sable to take literally any scenario or characters and make them interestingbaffles me even years into knowing her, and you will not find a better writer todescribe clothing. She’s as brilliant at handling character interactions as sheis at describing lasagna food. Also, her dialogue is A++

lurkinglurkerwholurksis another complete package. Everything about their writing is engaging andfeels so polished, and they have an enviable ability to capture characters’ voices.I’m constantly blown away by the quality of their work, and I’m waiting withbated breath for the next chapter of Nature and Nurture.

@headspacedad writes some of the best stream of consciousness I’ve encountered. The firstchapter of their story Falling took my breath away, and subsequent updatescontinue to knock the air out of me. Writing a character who’s lost a primarysense is no easy feat, but they make it incredibly easy, and indeed the storyis so rich with details that it’s 100% better that way.

If youwant a writer who’s going to challenge you with each chapter, each scene, eachparagraph, each sentence, pollywantsa is absolutely the writer for you. I’mperhaps a tiny bit traumatized by one particular work, but in general every storyis worth reading. There’s a sense of weight to each piece, a gravity that goesbeyond fandom trappings and sinks into your very bones, lives like mercury inthe bottoms of your lungs, dragging you down into the unshakable truths that areinescapably human. Real people make wrong decisions, destroy other people orthemselves; they are crude and profane and selfish and so very beautiful intheir imperfections, and polly will remind you of that with each tone-perfectword they’ve laid down.

Roundingout the list is @velkynkarma. Unusual stories and unique situations that I neverwould have considered reading are some of my favorite stories because of VK’sskill at finding the engaging threads to pull into the light. Space mouse vsCoran? Amazing. Keith + space mouse shenanigans? Incredible. Zarkon + eldritchhorror? Terrifying but so engaging. Slav and Sven AU? Worthy of popcorn. Heapsof Shiro angst? Sign me up. The high quality of both storytelling and technicalskill are not to be missed, and every new story and chapter updated is a TREAT.

(honorarymention: @deepwaterstars for being the sunbeam to my moonbeam

43. Whatship do you feel needs more attention?

Uh… I’mnot sure tbh. I’m not a “shipper,” and I tend to read gen fic as a wholesalerule. I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more Virgil/Penny, I guess?

47. Doyou leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/why not?

Mmmm.See. This is the thing I’m trying to get better about. Because I tend to go ALLIN when I comment and drop a solid 300–500 words, and that takes time, even ifthe words are flowing. I find it hard to write something more modest, because Iknow exactly how much I drool over the writers who leave me enormous comments,and I want to give them the same feelings. I tend to only comment whensomething has truly moved me, especially since I’ve tried to move on from the unasked-forcritique-style reviews. Maybe one day I’ll find a happy middle ground.

ask me about fanfic!

[acadeamic]

Hi, una! (What a great name btw!!) I was looking through your posts and (I hope this isn't creepy lol sorry!) I noticed you're taking AP bio - I'm taking that class too! I'm like, super not doing well in that class and I was wondering if you had any advice/tips/resources on how you study for ap bio. Sorry if this comes across as stalkerish lol I'm just really struggling in that class rn. Thanks so much! 💛

hi anon!

first off, thank you so much!! you are SO sweet:') dw, it's not creepy at all, i don't mind a bit! it's why that info is there, hehe

as for AP bio, i can't say it's my BEST class, but i do have some tips & methods for both studying & exam-taking, which is how i'm going to split my answer here!

for general studying

focus on big ideas! my teacher often stressed which things the exam prioritized, and told us which things always showed up on the exam vs. what you only need to know a little bit of. as a general rule, i'd say make sure you know the basic concepts, even if you can't remember specific things.

don't rely too heavily on the textbook. there's a lot of information in there, which can be hard to absorb. not all that information is essential, either. if you have access to it, i would use the princeton review or the 5 steps to a 5 books. they're a lot more compact, succinct, and easier to study from.

find good ways to remember things! my teacher sometimes made these semi-elaborate stories that would help us conceptualize or remember particular processes. for example: the action-potential graph and process was given to us as a potassium party, with the sodium-potassium pump being the bouncer that only let in potassium up until a certain voltage, and so on. it's a bit simplistic, but i swear it works! another thing she did was have us make cutouts to explain the DNA to RNA process, so that we could act it out with the paper shapes. you may want to ask your teacher or someone who knows about bio to share one of these methods if they have one, or search it up online as something like "easy ways to remember [xyz]".

some things you really will just have to memorize. for example: the types of reproducive isolation. for me, what works best is note-taking and flashcards. i like to write things repeatedly until they stick, with intervals in between to see how much i can name & describe at the top of my head. there are other ways to go about plain memorization, but this is what works for me and it's nice to be able to look back at what i've written before tests to study!

albert.io has TONS of AP bio MCQs and FRQs. i would definitely take advantage of this resource if you can. the quantity of questions can be a bit overwhelming, so don't start from the beginning but rather where you need the most practice (albert also has practice questions for tons of other courses too, AP or non-AP, so check that out if you're interested!)

personally what i like to do before tests and some exams is, as i kind of said, rewriting my notes. not in as much detail, but key ideas, concepts or diagrams that i feel are important or are things that faded from my mind throughout the year and that i now have to relearn.

ASK FOR HELP! if you have any resource centers at your school, go to them! if what your AP bio teacher is saying doesn't click with you, try someone else with some teaching experience! watching videos and taking notes are great, but sometimes you just need another human being to give you some one-on-one help and explanations for things you're confused about. if you don't have some kind of science help center at your school, i would ask your peers! if there's something you don't understand, most students really don't mind taking 5-10 minutes to run through something with you.

for taking the exam

the AP bio exam is a reading exam as well a science exam. oftentimes you don't have to know exactly what's going on in order to get the right answer. things like drawing graphs in the FRQ or making educated guesses based on word choice in the MCQ are things you can do w/o remembering specific details. figure out what the question is asking first without worrying about the knowledge you have! for example: an MCQ may be about the ethics of a certain medical procedure. one answer choice will probably start with "should.... [xyz]" as opposed to "can/how does [xyz]" and you can immediately rule out the others because of the word choice, which is factual and not theoretical, without knowing exactly what the biology-related information behind the question is.

in the middle of the MCQ, they're going to have a LONG stretch of questions based off of a (series of) graph(s). they do this because it's where you're probably getting tired. you'll be burned out, and you'll want to either rush through it, or you'll be frustrated bc it's so long. LEAVE THOSE. skim through it and answer what you know, but if there's something that currently looks too unappealing, then circle it and come back. once you're done, you can come back to it with a set of fresh eyes and you'll often notice that they were less complicated than you initially thought.

on a similar note, don't be afraid to skip questions to come back to them. if it's taking you more than a few seconds the first time around and/or you have no idea what the question's about, circle it and move on. get as many questions bubbled in before going back and spending a bit more time on the questions you weren't sure about. again, you may be surprised to find that it wasn't too complicated after all. if you're feeling tired of MCQs in general, skip to the math portion at the end! do those, it's a different structure than the MCQ (which is the bulk of the section) and it may clear your mind a little bit.

for the FRQ, again, it's a reading exam. never leave a question unanswered. if you remember vaguely what they're referring to in the question, try and get down a sentence with some key words. the grading rubric doesn't care about eloquency, but about the relevance of the words you put on paper.

some FRQs are meant to be shorter and more detailed than the others. the first two questions are worth 10 points each and take more time to complete. if you're not sure, just draw the graph they ask you to and move on for now. the other questions are worth 3, 4 maybe 5 points? get through those and DON'T spend too much time writing for them. those often only require, like, 2 sentences. save your time!!

i hope this was at least somewhat helpful! good luck, anon, lmk how it goes💓

[daehwifi]

ORANGE . | HWANG MINHYUN

- admin xion

genre: fluff with v smol angst member: hwang minhyun word count: 1, 522 requested: yis !  side notes: I LOVE ORANGE SM !!

prompt: where you get letters from yourself in the future, encouraging you to show signs of how you like minhyun back, before you both go on spring break // dedicated to my lOVELY LOVELY THIGH SWEEPER @xiupch  ily shuri <3 

SHOUJO SERIES

where admin xion rewrites plots of shoujo animes and replaces the characters with wanna one members [won’t be exactly similar to the anime]

seongwoo : ao haru ride jihoon : isshakun friends daniel : kaichou wa maid sama guanlin : kimi no na wa  jinyoung : hotarubi no mori e 

DAY 1 

“minhyun will try to help you up when you fall down in the hallways. he’ll offer you his hand. accept that offer,” 

you chuckled to yourself reading that letter 

“bullshit. minhyun wouldn’t even want to help me in the first place,” you mumbled under your breath

minhyun was a friend of yours in some sort of sense

he was your cliche fuck boy that’d always pick on you

but in a sense, you two were somehow friends 

he was there for all the injuries you got to firstly, laugh at you at how dumb you are and secondly, treat your wounds 

and you’d blush every time he did as you’d remained silent 

“who’s even sending me these letters?” you scoffed to yourself 

rolling your eyes, you threw the letter onto your desk as you headed out for school

you met up with your friends at your desk as they mentioned how great their weekends were 

“woojin got so shy and it was the most cutest thing ever,” kyujin spoke, becoming all flustered 

“ew, that’s my brother you’re talking about,” replied eunkyung 

you rolled your eyes and smiled 

“but eunkyung, you’re dating kyujin’s brother,” you scoffed under your breath as kyujin rolls her eyes

“ew,” she gags as you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter 

“ah- the single life,” you exclaimed like a queen on her throne 

they both shake their heads with smiles across their faces 

“okay but in actual news, minhyun’s gonna be in our gym class again,” spoke eunkyung 

“seriously? he got kicked out of english again?” kyujin commented, gawking her eyes 

“i bet it’s to annoy y/n again,” kyujin mumbles softly as they both look at you

for some reason, the thought of minhyun usually brought you a sour and bitter look

but all you could think of was that letter

“hey guys- this morning i...” you trailed off your sentence, second guessing you choices before you spoke 

“you what?” kyujin provoked 

“nothing. i was just gonna mention how i bought a new hairband since minhyun broke my last one but that’s nothing really important,” you avoided the actual topic you were about to bring up

they bought it and nodded as you smiled a bit to yourself 

when gym rolled around, the familiar annoying boy was being scolded by the gym teacher once again since he was brought into this class 

“y/n! minhyun here has been missing out on all of his english homework, can you help him get caught up since your grade in gym is obviously set at a high score?” your gym teacher spoke 

“well obviously- if she’s gonna keep kicking me out, of course i’m gonna be missing out on work,” minhyun cursed under his breath as you kicked him quickly, without the gym teacher noticing 

forcing a smile, you nodded 

usually, everyone would change into their gym clothes but since you were pulled aside, you were in the school uniform 

“fuck you,” you scoffed 

“with pleasure sweetie,” he replies with sarcastic eyes 

“what are you missing out on?” you ask trying to change the topic

“i don’t know, she kicks me out of class i don’t fucking know what i’m supposed to be doing,” he spoke bitterly 

“you’re fucked,” you teased as he rolled his eyes 

“aren’t you fucked since i’m the one doing it?” he provoked as you couldn’t help but scoff, leaving a bitter-ish smile across your face 

“alRIGHT FUCK THIS” you groaned standing up and storming away 

minhyun followed you, but walked instead 

as you turned a corner, you tripped over thin air and landed on your back as you could hear minhyun’s laugh approaching 

rolling your eyes, minhyun finally comes into sight 

“has the clock struck 12 yet?” he teases as you roll your eyes

he offers you a hand as your mind went back to the letter 

“he’ll offer you his hand. accept that offer,” 

as you found yourself to be a puppet on strings, you accepted his hand as he helped you stand up

“thanks...” you softly spoke as you realized his hand wasn’t letting go of yours 

minhyun was staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face as you could feel yourself becoming flustered 

you let go of his hand as he realized how close you two actually were and becomes flustered as well 

“ah- s-sorry,” he mumbles shyly

“i-it’s fine,” you reply

“okaybye,” you both say at the same time before walking off into two different directions 

DAY 2 

“don’t move. you won’t regret it,” 

you were a bit in shocked when the letter labeled day 1 worked out

the mail only came with 3 envelopes, titled day 1, day 2 and day 3 

but the fact that day 1 was exactly like how the letter explained it, you were starting to possibly believe it was true 

it can’t hurt just to do what it says, can it? 

“what the fuck do you mean by that?” you scoffed under your breath 

“how does one not move?” you questioned to yourself softly

rolling your eyes, you took a deep breath when your eyelids shut down for a bit to take everything in 

you didn’t even know what you were doing at this point

going to school, a sudden pair of hands tapping on your shoulders made you jump a bit as you turned around 

“you get scared easily,” minhyun scoffs as he walks away, suddenly bumping into your shoulder 

you furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head, continuing on with your life like usual

minhyun came into your language class since he got kicked out of history 

the thought of it made you chuckle and roll your eyes but minhyun seemed to notice that action and decided to take a seat next to you 

“minhyun, fuck off,” you mumbled bitterly

“sorry. i seem to be attracted to pretty girls,” he casually spoke as you sat there, a bit flustered from the sudden comment 

you didn’t notice how your cheeks were a bit pink but minhyun did 

he messes up your hair and chuckles a bit, pinching your cheek like a child as you winced in pain

“yes- i called you pretty you idiot,” he mumbles as you slap his hand away from the pain, rubbing your cheek a bit 

guilt took over him as he felt like he pinched your cheek a bit too hard 

“don’t move, you won’t regret it,” 

minhyun suddenly moves in closer and cups your cheek, rubbing his finger back and fourth as his eyes meet yours 

he softly smiles as his eyes became warm

“you’re cute when you’re like that,” he mumbles softly, under his breath

DAY 3 (the day before spring break) 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

you played with the ends of your hair and your fingers, dangling your feet from the seat outside of the office 

hwang minhyun was never the type to care about you

or at least that’s what you thought 

it’s so easy for one to write the words but to believe it is the hard part 

a girl ran past you and looking behind her was minhyun, walking casually like he did when you fell down 

it’s definitely a lot more easier to write it out then believe it you said to yourself 

“have a nice spring break minhyun!” the girl spoke happily 

“you too,” he replied as she ran off 

minhyun notices your presences and sat beside you

“what are you doing here?” he asked

“debating if i should walk home or get a cab,” you replied as he chuckles and nods 

“what’s the chuckle for?” 

“choosing something like that shouldn’t be hard,” he scoffs as you roll your eyes and shake your head

“for me it is,” you whined like a child as minhyun laughs a bit 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

“minhyun, what am i to you?” you blurt 

a sigh escapes from his lips as his head turns to face yours

“someone-” he spoke

it sounded like he was going to say more but stopped himself 

“just someone?” you asked 

“someone who i care about,” he spoke 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

“really?” 

“yeah, why do you think i always treated your wounds?” minhyun spoke with a soft smile that seemed to be contagious

you were smiling a bit as well 

“i’m sending these letters to you because i made the mistake of pushing minhyun away since i assumed he was just like every other person who’d use someone. 

he’s someone that smiles a lot and makes you smile without knowing it and as much as you deny that fact, it’s true. 

since i didn’t tell him how i felt, he moved on thinking that you’d never like him back and ended up dating someone else.

it felt empty and lonely- despite how selfish that may sound. 

i hope you’re able to follow these letters and make sure you don’t find yourself crying inside your pillow like i did. 

hwang minhyun has the warm colors and sweetness under all of his bitter skin-

like an orange.” 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING PG

It's very common for startups to present to them. Do people live downtown, or have some sort of exit. There is less stress in total, but more as an exploration of gender and sexuality in an urban context, etc.1 I think the goal of this rule; if you can't explain your plans concisely, you don't worry that it might come out badly, or upset delicate social balances, or that can incorporate live data feeds, or that you won't be demoralized if they seem pointless.2 One YC founder told me that it wasn't worth investing in. The patent pledge doesn't fix every problem with patents.3 I can tell from the case. This site isn't lame. They wouldn't all grow as big. It will be easier in proportion to an estimate of your company's value that you'd both agreed upon.

Then you could, I don't care what he says, I'm going to name them: type A fundraising is when you can do, you don't see the opportunities all around us is that we get on average only about 5-7% of a much larger number.4 In most fields the great work is: very exacting taste, plus the ability to direct the course of adding some feature they were asking for.5 Most hackers are employees, and this trick merely forces you to clean up your apartment, writing something that you'll be able to say whether he should be classified as a friend or angel.6 Don't say anything unless you're fairly sure what you want to reach; from paragraph to paragraph I let the ideas take their course. Sometimes a competitor will deliberately threaten you with a business background, and he will automatically get paid proportionally more. Not all of them had never seen the Web before we came to tell them to stop.7 If you're free of a misconception that everyone else is crazy. Most startups that raise money and the kind of alarms you'd set off if you operate like Columbus and just head in a general westerly direction.

As we were in the old sense of managing the round. Technology is a lever. Modern literature is important, but I suspect that most of them a part time job. In the Bay Area would be the answer. But let someone else start those startups. They're not necessarily trying to mislead you. Like a lot of people will make them.

But if you make something they like. 05 PM subject: Re: Revenge of the Nerds on the LL1 mailing list.8 American universities currently seem to be a media company to throw Microsoft off their scent. Java white paper, Gosling explicitly says Java was designed to be a missile aimed right at what makes America successful.9 Different users have different requirements, but I don't think that's the right way to do it. But this is merely an artifact of the rule of law.10 All you'll learn is the words kids are allowed to use. That's the way to the close.11 It did serve some purposes: reading a talk out loud can expose awkward parts. What investors still don't get is what insanely great translates to in a larval startup.

When I talk about humans being meant or designed to live a certain way out of habit or politeness. Hackers & Painters that hadn't been online. Incidentally, the switch in the 1920s to financing growth with retained earnings till the 1920s.12 And the programmers liked it because they don't like to have it. What counts as property depends on what works to treat as property. But this is wrong. What's a prostitute?13 Everyone by now presumably knows about the danger of premature optimization. Essentially, they lead you on. That will change the way they treat the music they sell through iTunes.14

So tablet makers should be thinking: what else can we give developers access to? White said, good writing is rewriting, wrote E. Almost four decades later, fragmentation is still increasing. The more people you have to do it than literally making a mark on the world. Investors looked at Yahoo's earnings and said to one of the principles they teach you is to align the car not by lining up the hood with the stripes painted on the road, but by trying to use mass lawsuits against randomly chosen people as a form of evolutionary pressure. People think that what you want. In principle anyone there ought to have multiple founders who were already friends before they decided to build recipe sites, or aggregators for local events.

Better Bayesian Filtering. They may play some behind the scenes as adults spin the world for a while, can make visual perception flow in through his eye and out through his hand as automatically as someone tapping his foot to a beat. If you looked in people's heads. They are all fundamentally subversive for this reason. I sat down and calculated what I thought was hard, the groups all turned out ok. Election forecasters are proud when they can get it, at this stage.15 The danger of symmetry, and repetition especially, is where the richest buyers are, but figure out precisely where you lose them. If they didn't know what language our software was so complex. 2:21 AM subject: Re: meet the airbeds PG, Thanks for the lead Fred to: Fred Wilson date: Mon, Feb 9,2009 at 11:42 AM subject: Re: airbnb There's a lot to start a startup. And yet they can hold their own with any work of art ever made.

Leonardo?16 It is, as far as possible prevent them from having fun. Doesn't that show people will pay most for?17 After thinking about it than most, but almost everywhere the trend is in that direction. Till then they had to ask permission to release software: the last thing you changed. But fortunately in the US are more conservative than Boston ones.18 People are all you need is to be battered by circumstances—to let the days rush by. But that's something you can fix later, but you can't evade the fundamental conservation law. And yet Apple's overall market share is still small. Though the Web has been around for a millennium is finished just because of its prestige, but because they were ambivalent about threatening their cash cow, mainframe computing. I mean efforts to protect against cosmic rays.19

Notes

Even as late as 1984. Incidentally, Google may appear to be at a large company? Plus one can have escaped alive, or to be good?

To do this all the poorer countries. Ed. But it was the least correlation between the Daddy Model may be a sufficient condition.

And in World War II to the rise of big companies can afford that. And while this is to try to be a win to include in your classes as a result a lot more frightening in those days, but I call it procrastination when someone gets drunk instead of happy. I'm talking mainly about software startups are now the first digital computer game, you can probably write a subroutine to do would be better at opening it than people who might be a good problem to fit your solution. Look at those goddamn fleas, jabbering about some disease they'll see once in China, during the war on drugs show, bans often do better, and instead of the world of the most famous example.

Plus one can ever say it again. When I catch egregiously linkjacked posts I replace the actual amount of damage to the founders' advantage if it was 94% 33 of 35 companies that can't reasonably expect to make a fortune in the case, not because Delicious users are stupid.

But you're not allowed to discriminate on any basis you want to get going, and oversupply of educated ones come up with elaborate rationalizations. I also skipped San Jose is a meaningful idea for human audiences. Though in fact had its own mind about whether a suit would violate the patent pledge, it's not enough to defend their interests in political and legal disputes.

What Is an Asset Price Bubble? This doesn't mean easy, of the river among the bear gardens and whorehouses. They act as if you'd just thought of them could as accurately be called acting Japanese. Many more than 20 years.

It's hard for us!

2%. If a prestigious VC makes a small proportion of the things you're taught.

Doing things that don't scale.

Now the misunderstood artist is not limited to startups. There's not much use, because few founders are willing to provide when it's done as conspicuously as this place was a false positive rate is 10%, moving to Monaco would only give you more than the previous round. Cascading menus would also be good startup founders tend to get going, e.

Emmett Shear writes: True, Gore won the popular vote he would presumably have got more of the flock, or at least, the government and construction companies. People only tend to damp this effect, at least guesses by pros about where that money comes from ads on other investors doing so because otherwise competitors would take forever in the case of heirs, professors, politicians, and everyone's used to place orders.

His critical invention was a kid that you'd want to sell them technology. I'm not dissing these people make the people working for startups, because it aggregates data from so many trade publications nominally have a lot of reasons American car companies have little to bring corporate bonds to market faster; the point where things start with consumer electronics and to run on the firm's site, they're nice to you. Not only do they decide on the young Henry VIII and was troubled by debts all his life. Distribution of potentially good startups, who've already made the decision.

Maybe that isn't really working bad unit economics, typically and then scale it up because they couldn't afford it. An investor who's seriously interested will already be working to help a society generally is to let yourself feel it mid-sentence, but you get an intro to a clueless audience like that.

But it is dishonest of the country turned its back on industrialization at the start, e.

The need has to be employees, or editions with the buyer's picture on the back of Yahoo, we actively sought out people who'd failed out of the things attributed to Confucius and Socrates resemble their actual opinions. The speed at which point it suddenly stops. And when a startup to engage with slow-moving organizations is to write every component yourself, but also very informative essay about why something isn't the last step in this essay I'm talking here about everyday tagging. If not, greater accessibility.

In 1525 he was made a bet: if you hadn't written it? I saw this I used thresholds of.

Especially if they were to work your way up. I managed to find a broad range of topics, comparable in scope to our scholarship though without the spur of poverty are only locally accurate, because those are probably the last step in this respect.

So how do you use that instead of Windows NT? How did individuals accumulate large fortunes in an absolute sense, if you make something hackers use. On the face of it.

But it's telling that it would be to say that it had no idea what's happening as merely not-doing-work. But they've been trained. So far, I preferred to call them whitelists because it depends on a weekend and sit alone and think.

[rhaellatully]

Strings’n’Drums Chapter 3 (Fanfiction)

Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814422/3/Strings-n-Drums

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991202/chapters/32934984

Summury:AU. In 1969, Lucy runs from home and becomes a journalist for the magazin Strings'n'Drums, this will lead the young shy girl in the world of rock music, to meet the colorfull caracters that populates it. In between running from her father and living new experience Lucy will make friends, gorw into an adult and maybe have some romance. Will include Nalu and mentions of other parings

Beta: Releina Artemis Rockefeller

Chapter 1:https://rhaellatully.tumblr.com/post/170156396003/stringsndrums-fanficition

Chapter 2: https://rhaellatully.tumblr.com/post/171305685258/stringsndrums-chapter-2-fanfiction

Her article about Rust had been a success. Their sales spiked and she won the respect of her boss. She was now, in his eyes, an aspiring journalist like any other. Thanks to Levy’s help, she was managing to get more work done. Having someone to talk to about the new music she listened to helped her find the right words to put in her articles. But where Levy really came in handy was when it came to getting interviews. Sometimes, the record company would ask for the magazine to interview one of their artists, but sometimes, the magazine had to go ask for interview themselves. Lucy had just mentioned to Levy that she’d like to interview John Fool, and she had immediately been given his personal phone number and a recommendation on what to ask for the interview. She hoped one day she’d be able to repay her for all this.

She had still been anxious when passing the call, but the word came out of her mouth correctly, and John Fool acted just like Levy said he would, with great politeness. Lucy wouldn’t have expected this of him, seeing as many of his songs were rather provocative. But Levy had assured her that while he could be very bold and sometimes rude, he was always polite, somehow. Unless, of course, something was done to upset him. Lucy had a hard time believing this, but she trusted Levy.

The interview had been scheduled in a restaurant in the centre of London. It was a nice place; the big window allowed a lot of light in, which reflected on the white floor and walls. The brightness of the room suited the blue tablecloth and the wooden chairs. The few modern paintings on the walls made Lucy feel at ease. She told a waiter she had a reservation, and he guided her to the table where she was surprised to see that she had not arrived first.

John Fool was sitting there quietly, his chin was resting on his hand and his eyes were closed. His black hair hadn’t been brushed and his white shirt looked like it came out a tornado. His face was peaceful and his eyes only half opened when he heard the sound of her chair being pulled. He straightened as she sat and with the best respect of the etiquette saluted her. She returned the politeness and they ordered something to drink.

He introduced himself just as politely as he previously had, if not for the fact that he didn’t gave her his real name, something she could forgive as she was here to interview the artist which made his stage persona more fitting. She introduced herself while taking out her notepad and pen.

She didn’t get to ask the first question. As soon as she was done introducing herself, he asked her, “You’re a friend of Levy?”

“Yes, we met when I interviewed her,” she answered having understood what he was truly asking.

“She must really like you. She wouldn’t have given you my number otherwise.”

Lucy smiled as a way of answering him. She knew that the closeness she had developed with Levy was one others took years to develop. In a way, we could say that it was friendship at first sight.

“May we start the interview?” she asked kindly. He nodded and she read the first question she had planned, “You just came back from your first world tour. How was it?”

“Very interesting, but mostly tiring. I had breaks in between concerts, but it felt like I was performing every night. Still, I really enjoyed meeting that many people and discovering all the cities that were in my tour.” He answered in a rather fast tempo.

“Would you say this experience brought you something?”

“Yes, definitely. Writing new songs in my apartment or a studio, is definitely not the same thing as writing while on tour.” He was still talking faster than normal; she guessed this must be how he always talked.

“How’s that?”

“You don’t sit down and start writing. You have a thousand new experience a day that you want to sing about, so you end up writing at anytime of the day, and in very uncomfortable positions. But you’re fine with it because—” he paused looking for the right word, “—well, you really want to do it.”

“You were having problems writing before the tour started.” It was more of a realisation than a question. But John answered anyway.

“Yeah, I was at a point were I was wondering if music really was the right thing for me. This made it clear: this is my way.”

Lucy felt comprehensive; the more she wrote, the more she felt like this was what she born to do.

“So we can expect a new album soon?”

He gave out a small laugh before saying “Soon enough, I hope.”

Her interview of Rust gave her an idea of what could be the reason behind the retarding of the album, but she wasn’t so sure. She counted to ten backwards in her head before asking in a small voice, “Problem with your producer? “

He let a small, sad smile appear on his face, “When isn’t there any? But it’s not such a bad thing, really.” Lucy was intrigued by this. “The fact that you can’t exactly do what you want pushes you to find other ways to make the feelings you want pass.” He stopped to think a moment, “Take my song ‘Winter Morning Lady’ for example. That song is about a prostitute. Though originally, the lyrics were full of sexual terms and violence, so my producer didn’t appreciate it, saying it was too graphic. So I had to rewrite the whole thing, which led me to think more about subtle ways to talk about the same subject. I also rewrote the music to make the song softer, and now it’s one of my biggest hits.”

Lucy wrote down everything he said with enthusiasm. She was impressed with this different way of facing constraints, finding a workaround, and not giving up on your original idea. She wondered if this could be applied to her everyday life.

She went on to ask him more questions about the process by which he writes songs. He gave her lengthy, elaborate answers that she had difficulty writing on her notepad, especially because all of his sentences were said in rushed way, as if he wanted to stop talking as soon as possible. His answers gave her lots of material to work with when writing her article, but if she ever interviewed him again, she’d have to buy a Dictaphone or else, she’ll never make it. She wanted to ask him why someone who wrote and sang so many slow songs had the need to speak this way, but she felt like it would come out as insulting so she didn’t dare.

After those long questions, she found herself without any transition for what she wanted to ask next. She gathered all the courage in her to ask him, “Can I ask you a few questions about before you started your career as John Fool?”

He looked a bit taken aback by her question. He sighed before saying, “If that’s what you want,” but she could tell that he didn’t want to answer the next questions. This hampered her will to probe further, but the job of a journalist was to ask people questions they didn’t want to be asked, so in a trembling voice she asked, “Why did you change your name?”

“Would you really listen to a guy named Gray Fullbuster?”

Oddly, he had pronounced this sentence at the same speed a normal person would have. The obvious answer was no. The name Gray could work, but Fullbuster? No one would ever listen to that. Still she asked, “Why change all the name?”

“I thought if I was going to change it, might as well change it entirely.”

Once again his talking speed was normal. “Your producer didn’t pressure you at all in that matter?”

“They were glad that they didn’t have to.”

“But you didn’t change it when you were a background musician?” His eyes widened slightly, “The name Gray Fullbuster appears on the back of the album of other artists for whom you’ve played.”

“Well, at that time, it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t my name on the cover.”

“Did you enjoy working for other musicians?”

“Depends on which one,” He paused, “Gildarts was great. Working with him was more like being his apprentice. He taught me a lot.” He went on to talk about how Gildarts Clive was a great man and telling the different ways in which the former had made him the musician he his today.

On one note, Lucy was surprised that this man, who didn’t seem comfortable with opening up, was telling her these personal things. On another note, she was more intrigued by the way he spoke of the other man. His speech wasn’t the one he used to talk about a mentor but more for a family member. If it hadn’t been for the way Gray, or John, had been speaking of such personal things with her, Lucy would never have dared to ask him, “Do you think of Gildarts Clive as a father?”

He immediately frowned but took a minute to think before answering. “No, that’s definitely not it. He’s important to me and we do have a close friendship but he’s not like a father to me. He’s more like an uncle, I think.” He looked down as if he was unsure of something. “I had a father and he was great man. I don’t need another one.”

“Could you tell me more about your father?” The words left her mouth before she could ask herself if saying them were acceptable. The look that appeared on the man’s face told her that they weren’t. A great feeling of guilt and embarrassment swelled within her, and she wished she could erase this instant from reality.

“I don’t think it would interest you or your readers.” He said, but it sounded more like an excuse to keep himself from revealing anything.

And now, the fight between her curiosity and her embarrassment started. Both feelings tried to overcome the other, one emotional wave overlapping with another; an inner argument crashing within her in the form of thoughts. Her eyes swept over the man’s body, trying to read any indication of what she should do, until in a flash, a voice struck her with a challenge. She looked at her drink and told him, “I’ll be the judge of that.”

He sighed heavily; he now had no excuse to protect him and was forced to talk. For an instant, Lucy felt even more guilty about pushing him that way. “My father was a working class man,” his diction was slow, and his tone unsure, “that’s the best way to describe him. He worked all day and all night but never complained. I looked up to him, “ he paused, “I still do. One day, there was an accident at the factory, and that’s it.”

She wrote down slower than he spoke. She could tell those were private information that should never have been heard. While a good part of her guilt came from forcing his hand, another smaller but more intense part of it came from the feeling that she had not only hurt the man in front of her but also the one who wasn’t here. She had never looked up to her father. She had never spoken kindly of him, and sometimes she had even wished he wasn’t her father. It felt like cheating, that someone like her, who could never understand this feeling, was opened a door toward it. She felt like she had stolen the most precious jewel Gray had ever owned.

Only the memory of her mother, Layla, calmed her, as it was the closest experience she had. Maybe in a way, it was same? Of course, losing someone you unconditionally love hurts, but it doesn’t hurt in the same way as losing someone you loved and saw as a role model. Lucy loved and admired her mother, but she had always thought of herself as different, her mother made sure of that. Layla taught Lucy that she was to follow her own path and not to follow the former. Could the pain be the same? Maybe all pains were the same. Maybe when one suffered that kind of pain, one can never tell what was more painful.

Lucy swallowed her thoughts and reminded herself of where she was. “Sorry to force your hand.”

“It’s okay, it’s your job.”

She nodded numbly, and started asking the few questions she had planned but hadn’t come to ask yet. In his now fast and less interesting answers, she found herself capable of forgetting her previous embarrassment.  

The interview ended rather nicely. She thanked Gray for his time and he answered that he wouldn’t mind being interviewed by her again. She accepted the compliment with a serious blush. They shook hands and parted ways.

Once she was back at her apartment, she quickly got to work on her article with more excitement than ever. It was most likely because of the compliment she had received. She hadn’t gotten much lately, aside from the man that would catcall her in the street, but that didn’t really make her feel better about herself.

With a good mood, she went through her notes, thinking of what should be put where, and how she would word some of her thoughts on the musician. Things were adding up nicely; she heard her own voice humming through her work, and a small smile crept on her face. The more she worked, the happier she felt...until she found her notes about Gray’s father.

She stopped what she was doing and leaned back on her chair, her own arm holding her. Her face contorted into a frown and sighed. Her father. She didn't even leave him a note before leaving her childhood home. In the middle of night. Without notifying anyone. She wondered if he was worried. Probably. That’s how any father would be in the same situation. Right?

She thought she should call him. Tell him that she was okay. She had left months ago, and whatever anger he might have felt towards her disappearance must have faded by now. Yes, at this point, he was probably only worried about her. His lack of attention for her didn’t give her the right to worry him any more than she already had.

She picked up the phone and called the house. The line rang. She wondered if they had been anxiously waiting her call. Was leaving truly the right thing to do if it caused this many people pain?

The phone stopped ringing and a voice she knew to be the one of the family butlers answered, “Heartfilia Residence, what can I do for you?”

“Caprico? It’s me Lucy,” she said into the phone.

“Miss Lucy! What a pleasure to finally hear from you. Is everything all right?” Worry could be heard in the man's voice, which saddened her for leaving them.

“Everything is fine, I was just calling to talk to my father.”

Soon a hard voice could be heard into the phone, “Lucy?” said her father.

“Yes Father, how are you?”

“How am I? You left in the middle of night months ago, then you ask me how I am.” His tone wasn’t calm.

“I’m sorry, I know I’ve upset you.”

“Upset me? You think you’ve upset me!?” His voice had become the one he’d always use to scold her, “Do you have any idea what situation you’ve put me?!”

“I’m sorry,” the tears that were forming in her eyes could be heard in her voice as it cracked, “I just—“

“You just what? Thought it would be fun to run off like a hooligan!? I don’t know what you were thinking when you left and I don’t want to know. You will come back home this instant!”

“I—” her voice got caught in her throat, “I can’t.” she managed to say nonetheless.

“You can’t?! Ridiculous. You can and you will! I demand you back in this house by the end of the week, is that clear?”

“But—“

“Lucy, you can either come home your own way or I can send someone to bring you back. Either way, I’ll be waiting for you at home.” He said before hanging up.

Still holding the phone in her hand, Lucy felt like a little girl again. The little girl whose only conversation with her father consisted in him giving her orders or reprimanding her. She had rarely said anything to him because, of the few times she actually did, he didn’t listen and she ended up in tears.

She had tears right now but none falling, just staying at the rims of her eyelids. A couple of swipes from her hand got them out without her needing to cry. She wondered why she called, why she thought he would be worried. Maybe his ruthless demeanour was his way of showing he was.

She lay down in her bed, and for the rest of the day, she didn’t work, she didn’t eat, she didn’t got off her bed. She just laid there, replaying her conversation with her father in her head, thinking of what she could have said that might make him understand her. But deep inside, she felt that no matter what she says, he wouldn’t listen to her. He would have just ordered her around like he always did. But this time, he didn’t just bossed her, he threatened her.

What now?

 AN/ Thanks for reading

[dorothyliker420]

huuhhoOh my GOD slrprfrsrfl(more lip licking noises)ooooh my GOd whoaoaohah. *huffing* a completeed chorus 2! HOLY SHIT oh my gohd

(silky made me this image as per request ily silky)

WELL HERE WE GO!!!!!!! A COMPLETED CHORUS CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!! CLOCKING IN AT 20,588 FUCKING WORDS AND 45 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS! lets see how many bs words I can add to that count am I right ladies

because of, I dont know, any italicization or bolding in the text itself was lost when I copy/pasted it to here so I guess the Experience isnt as Deep BUT ITS ALL GOOD ANYWAY because only I get to type in bold. thats how you know its me and not a rabble, but I also italicized lines that I really wanted to talk about

ill put all the Canon Real Text in an indent tho happy reading,

A Long Awaited Duet ---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

The new canon is that in between those dashes is a really terrible swear word that the author censored with asterisks. only he knows it and he’ll unleash it when you criticize his fic

Pacing quickly around her room in a long, frustrated circle, Lisette’s worries were quickly drawing to a boiling point.

lisette’s circles make me long and frustrated am I right fellow dudes

Typically, she was a very easy-going person, the kind of girl who’d shrug off most concerns and instead focus on keeping a positive outlook. However, after spending her entire morning going through the motions, feeling trapped in a listless, uneasy funk, even she couldn’t help but be affected. It was almost noon already and still she couldn’t move her thoughts past yesterday’s tea party, to the look she’d seen weathered across Alto’s face.

Lisette is right to be threatened and uneasy. this is like the scene in the opening where the village is getting crystallized and its too late for rosa and shes like SAVE YOURSELF except instead its sexification

She hadn’t had the courage to say anything at the time, but it had haunted her thoughts ever since. Making it worse, when she’d attempted to find her mother to ask her for her advice, she hadn’t been able to find her anywhere, so she’d wound up simply spending the previous night with Marie.

the ghosts of the last chapter vaguely implying alto is too horney to sleep in the same bed as marie have returned and im frightened

“He’s… he’s still on edge, isn’t he?”

It wasn’t right. The fighting was over and peace had been won, but even when he should have been relaxing with his friends, Alto was still wearing the same guarded, strained expression. It was the same heart-breaking look she’d seen from her friend all throughout their battles, at all the times she’d stood at his die, watching him make the most difficult decisions of his life.

STOOD AT HIS DIE

She didn’t think any of the others had noticed. Perhaps she was the only one that would even be able to recognise the difference, after all, she was the only one who’d known him before all this. Back in Mithra he hadn’t been anything like that, he’d smiled freely and his gaze had was always carefree, to the point of being cheeky. Their entire lives had changed ever since she became a Witch and he followed to become her Knight… but she’d always hoped all this time that it could still return to how it was when everything was finally over.

“No,” she corrected herself, her body sagging with a deep sigh. There wasn’t any point lying to herself about this, “I’m not that naïve, I always knew it wouldn’t be that easy…”

“gee” said lisette out loud to herself with no one else around, “I am lisette from the video game stella glow. I am five foot four and my blood type is

Because, she knew Alto. And she knew, for him, that it had never been about the battles. He didn’t fear fighting, he would recklessly throw himself into danger without even a second’s thought if it meant he could help someone. As she’d told him so many times, his overwhelming compassion was both his best and worst trait. He was courageous to the point of stupidity, all he cared about was protecting the people important to him, keeping the people he loved safe and happy, as best he could. That was all the fighting had ever meant to him. And that was why she’d always known it couldn’t possibly be that easy for him.

im giving this alto analysis a 2 alto is a liberal degenerate who really loves hunting and also u dont know anything about him jl “AWOOOGAA” davenport if u tell me about him again ill kill you

Crying out in annoyance, Lisette slumped across the room and threw herself onto her bed, sinking deep into the large, soft mattress as if to try let it absorb a fraction of her worries.

I cannot shake the feeling he was thinkin bout her tiddies when he wrote this

‘Alto’s still fighting, even now,’ she knew that. It was a truth she’d struggled to deal with for days now, ‘The war isn’t over for him yet, because he’s still pushing himself to try find a way to keep every one of us happy.’

fuckin dumb ass horny ass bitch. mediocre ass, pathetic ass, money grubbing, fucking stupid bitch ass you dont put apostrophes around thoughts its ugly as shit

It was a painful thought, the elephant in the room and something she hated thinking about. But somehow, not thinking about it, pretending to simply ignore had become even worse.

does lisette know what an elephant is. does that expression exist. this is third person limited so its kind of weird to use that kind of anachronism

After all, if Alto was still fighting, then she wanted to fight alongside him! She was his family, his comrade, his first Witch and even his (prospective) girlfriend,

I had to cut this off because it was next level dumbshit literally anyone is his prospective girlfriend with that state of their relationship. im his prospective girlfriend 

there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do anything less than to support him with all her might. He was a part of her soul. He was the man she loved and someone who she would never allow herself to be separated from, she’d known those feelings for absolute certainty ever since the moment she’d woken up from death’s door and travelled around the world to stand at his side. Just thinking about him wracking himself with worries and her not helping him was terrifying!

1. 

2. that last sentence is the worst written thing in, if not human existence, then the century

And, she spared a glance over at the mirror she’d been avoiding looking at all day, even aside from that, could she really say she was any different? Was she truly able to smile like before, only because their fighting was over?

hackles raised at the prospect of mirror kink

Lisette gave a dry laugh, reaching out and squeezing the small stuffed pig Popo had given her, pressing it against her considerable chest. 

1. the pig is kinda cute like maybe but who tf is vending these smutfic items. who is crawling around in the back alleys selling cursed objects that make people horny as fuck. did ewan make a deal with the devil to sell all his twilight-zone-monkey-paw shit from his brief sponsorship with baddragon

2. die

3. lisette’s chest is CONSIDERABLE all right. it makes me CONSIDER ending it all

For all their outward appearances, in this, at least, she doubted it was any different from any of the others, no doubt that was why everything had seemed so off lately, “We’re all just stuck in limbo, aren’t we?”

this is the longest string of indirect pronouns ever like whomst??? and what an eerie sentence to end a section on. though u kno what stay in limbo

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

those dashes are containing the massive power of the cuss word. if even one of them falters or breaks formation the sheer obscenity would vaporize us all

Unfortunately for Lisette, her self-examination came with no easy answers or steps forward. Even though she’d accepted that being stuck in place as they were was only making things worse for all of them and particularly for Alto, there was no obvious solution she could latch onto, to change things.

this literally picks up? exactly where the previous section ended? like. with information that flows from the previous paragraph. if youre going to make that fucking big then why is it functionally useless

However, now more than ever, she was a determined woman and slowly -as the time passed and the morning faded away into early afternoon- slowly, her resolve held out and she was able to fearlessly consider even the truths she’d previously tried so hard to avoid.

why is this the ugliest formatting ive ever seen have you ever heard of an em dash or, a comma. also im losing shit at Determination Resolve Holding Out Shes Never Done This wasnt this like the sole bad point of her tunings

She knew she loved Alto, that he was the only man who’d ever made her feel complete 

But, she also knew that the other Witches felt just the same, she forced herself to accept the fact that he was just as important to them as he was to her.

ok nvm im not done being pissed at The Only Man like yeah lisette its called comphet im rewriting this so that lisette realizes shes a lesbian and also that whole Complete Her thing is all of whats wrong with lisettes arc like all of it this is what men do

It was something they’d all consciously avoided discussing, something that none of them seemed to know how to deal with. Her companions, the other Witches, were all as close as family to her, she loved them all dearly… And yet, they were all competing, in their own way, for the same man.

alto is three years old

She was sure they must feel just as awkward about that as her, there was a reason why even the ever impulsive Popo or the harsh-blunt Sakuya 

tell u whats harshing my blunt........this fic ((takes a weed puff

had never said anything and why, no matter how much they talked and how much they shared, this single topic was never once addressed directly, they’d all been working on the same process as her- that it was too strange a situation and too difficult a conversation to deal with, that the best thing to do was simply wait till after the war when Alto would be able to reciprocate their feelings, and then there the problem would solve itself. Well… The war was over. And they were all still tiptoeing around each other’s hearts, all waiting for the same response from the same man. “We must all seem so silly.”

tf were they supposed to do to address it? like lets just accept the gross situation but was they supposed to so call everyone to a room lisette spins around in a big chair and says We’re Here To Discuss The Het or maybe this happens

She could just imagine how ridiculous this situation must appear from the outside; five best friends all in love with the same man, all waiting for him to respond to their feelings and all marooned in the same silent stand-off, walking on eggshells while pretending everything was fine. No doubt her mother found it hilarious.

thats the worst line ive ever seen in my life. oedipus rex has nothing on this bitch

that aside like accepting them all as comphets for the moment. literally never interacted on a regular basis with another boy their age. except hilda I guess but it doesnt matter this is so dumb! yall is a bunch of trauma victims you cant just jump directly into the boinking

“Grrr! This is all your fault Alto! Stupid! Since when did you get so popular anyway!? You weren’t like that in Mithra! You’re just… you’re just too dependable… You mean so much to all of us, we can’t help but love you…”

deadass u told me this was dialogue from the anime where the tiddies bounced when the girl blinked? id believe it

He was their conductor. They all loved him. They all wanted to be with him. They were all waiting for him to favour only them…

dont like how its treated that its an absolute that witches will just fall for their conductor thats like sayin no one is safe around bi ppl. reach perhaps but its the same dumbass ideas

Perhaps that was the worst part of all. The more she thought about it, the more she was starting to realise just what an impossible situation their feelings and expectations had put Alto into. She knew better than anyone just how much he cared for each of them, she’d healed the scars on his body time and again that showed just how far he’d go to protect any of them… And yet, without ever really thinking how, they were all still asking him to then choose between them, to decide which of his Witches he loved the most.

but also I just had the revelation that author does not know what romantic love is like, at all, and the smoke cleared I am enlightened and theres nothing I dont understand

And, she couldn’t help him at all, could barely even support him in what must be an incredibly painful choice for him. All she could do was leave it to him, and trust that when he did choose, that he felt the same way about her as she did about him and they would finally be together. As for the rest… She didn’t know… The thought of him choosing one of the others over her was almost too painful, to terrifying to consider, but the knowledge that her friends would have to go through that was no less terrible…

tired of u demonizing r*mantic love. fuck its th most exhilarating experience of my life. that and having a baby shark sit in my hands. dont give all these Oh No People Get Hurt to justify just fuckin whoever u want

That was the mire they were all stuck in. That was why Alto was still looking so stressed and why none of them had been able to move forwards. There wasn’t anything any of them could do and there was no way to make everyone happy. She frowned bitterly. ‘…Would… Would it even make us happy?’

me, who had never been as happy as I am prior to being in love: hell yeah bitch dis go hard as hell flocka

It was a strange thing to consider, something she’d never once thought before this very moment- she’d thought for so long she was waiting for Alto to return her feelings, she’d wanted so long to be with him and to be together forever. But, would she really be happy like that? Could she truly be happy being with the man she loved at the expense of watching the companions she held dear, the friends she’d bled and cried together with, becoming heartbroken? Mordi, Popo, Sakuya, and especially Hilda, after all they’d been through, after how important she knew Alto was to each of them… Her heart clenched in her chest just imagining it!

if this is a question then ur not in romantic love idiot! shut up

But… That was how it had to be, wasn’t it? They’d all been foolish enough to fall for the same man, there was only one Alto. No.

dumps the big ass mess of gl***ng pr**e poly edits here but im not saving it to my computer so u gotta imagine it

Lisette propped herself up on the bed, a previously unfathomable conclusion quickly becoming clear to her. No. She couldn’t accept that. And Alto surely wouldn’t accept that. He’d never accepted that they couldn’t stop the Eclipse. He hadn’t accepted that they couldn’t fight against God. And, at the end of everything, he’d refused to accept that Mother Qualia had to be their enemy. A solution that put the entire burden on Alto and led to all her friends being heartbroken? How could she ever accept that!? How could she ever have thought something like that would make her happy!? That wasn’t how they worked! They were the Tuning Knights, humans that had defeated God and saved Marie! They would never accept such a lukewarm compromise.

fucking................mormons..................................

‘Well now,’ she laughed, ‘If I really think about it, the solution is pretty obvious, isn’t it?’ It was reckless and crazy, nothing at all like anything she’d ever imagined herself doing… But then, didn’t that just make it the same as everything else they’d done?

this isnt even how polyamory works!!!!!!!! sorry im not being funny I just really value r*mant*c love and listen NO ONE would just sit down and think “yes clearly the healthiest thing for the person my heart is devoted to is to juggle 6 relationships”

“Yup! I’m not gonna accept anything like that!” ultimately, all that mattered was the same conclusion she’d come to, ever since she’d returned to life. She already knew what she wanted, she just had to make it happen, “Alto, I’m by your side. Always. I’ll support you!”

hi im lisette and this is my boyfriend alto! we’re queering heterosexuality by having him fuck a ton of girls at once! swipe right if you want to hop on that dick. no gays allowed

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

me: this is bad content

jldavenport: h*mg*n*n*l*b*ng*s*gl*m

me: vaporized in silhouette against the wall from the sheer power

Finishing off a long day of meetings, reports and training, clad in his usual attire (sans the armour,

oh shit its sans thearmour!!!! gonna have a bad time that being said makes sense that hes european the gross fuck

thankfully for him) and returning from the dormitory baths with a relieved sigh, Alto scarcely had time to close the door to his room behind him before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by an excited knocking. “Eh? Lisette?”

the phrase “dormitory baths” pisses me the fuck off where do you get off jldavenport. probably all over your keyboard but stop saying shit like that this isnt your canon bitch

A late-night visit from his orange haired friend wasn’t especially unusual, but to see her standing around in her Witches outfit 

epithets, especially those that refer to hair color, are awful and amateurish but because he still doesnt know this apparently: Redhead. Is. A. Fucking. Word. 

in her Witches outfit

that wasnt good enough to warrant that large of an image but like that movie fucked me up so bad lets see what scars me worse the mouse scene or this fic

at this time of night certainly was. And even stranger than that, she was wearing the original outfit, the one she’d worn since the first time she’d awakened to her powers in Mithra, rather than the more dazzling Goddess robes she’d gained after he’d finally tuned her heart, ‘I suppose it’s probably easier to sit around in this one?’ If he had to wear something as flashy as any of the dresses the girls wore, he was sure he’d spent half his time worrying about ripping it.

honestly content notwithstanding this reads like an instructional on what NOT to do when writing. you write like this? dont. its very entry level like I cant say that I necessarily write better but do what I say not what I do

throwing the goddess thing out there is like him saying LOOK!!!! A FACT i KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON!!!!!! HAHA

Despite standing staring at him from the hallway, with her face flushed and eyes not quite meeting his, she still hadn’t said anything, “Er, Lisette? Is something wrong?”

knocking on someones door and forgetting why ur there is a neurodivergent feel lisette has adhd now and theres nothing you can do about it

“Ah!” she jumped before finally shaking herself off and responding with a slight anxiousness, anxiety. see me after class “No, no not really. I just… I’ve had a lot of mind and I thought it’d be better if we could talk a bit? Do… Do you mind if we spend the night together, again?”

lisette u were literally talking to urself five minutes ago abt havin him fuck everyone and now ur all anime blushus. bitch

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to share his bed again? Spend the night holding hands like back then? Stopping himself short of giving her an answer, Alto suddenly realised just how imploringly she was looking up at him.

they literally used this exact Mouth Suddenly Dry thing last chapter do ppl who enjoy this fic actually like that r smthn. they get wet 4 the dry

“Huh, it’s not like you to actually ask…” He teased softly. Usually Lisette was far more insistent about this sort of thing, he’d normally expect her to simply march into his room and seat herself on his bed. He only realised as she spoke that for her to act like this, for whatever reason she was acting like this, it must be important to her that he did accept her request 

ugly sentence. ugly, ugly sentence. ew. im actually so bored by this sentence im ceasing work on this for the night good bye

She didn’t want to force it on him. Still… He couldn’t help but hesitate. It was stupid, he knew, but he’d felt awkward spending time alone with any of the girls since after the war, lest any of them get the wrong idea.

“get the wrong idea” DONT FUCKING WRITE ALTO LIKE THIS I AM IMMORTAL MY SKIN IS ADAMANTINE YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME

A moment passed and still Lisette didn’t say anything; clenching her hands nervously below her wait -and unintentionally pushing her impressive bust out even further towards him- 

the commissioner, apparently upon seeing stella glow:

she silently awaited his response. Blushing a little under her low gaze, Alto realised it was getting harder and harder to remember the days when he’d seen her just like a sister.

this proves its inhuman and disgusting because it gave me visceral flashbacks to fire emblem fates so lemme post some of my fave incest quotes from that, starting with the ones it made me astral project into

2.

did that last one haunt u because for a split second you imagined a world where lisette said them? good bc that shit keeps me up at night. im tired of cropping these quotes out so like we’re done my point has been made

In the end though, he couldn’t possibly deny her. Not for no reason, and not when she looked at him like that, “Yeah, of course Lisette. That sounds fun.”

the begging thing from the last chapter hit me full force in memory and I honestly hope it comes back bc ive got a dynamite joke locked and loaded

Breaking out into a bright smile, the Water Witch sagged in relief, taking him by surprise as she reached out to take his hand in hers, letting her body fall soft and warm against him as she did so. Her breath tickled hot across his collar and Alto’s heart jumped in shock!

DONT EVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS LIKE THIS im serious. it is about as ugly, 2007-fanfic-net-core you can get. 

Her hands felt smooth and gentle, wrapped warm around his… 

HIS WHAT

he’d felt that before, it was pleasant, although not anything new. But feeling her head falling lovingly to his shoulder like this and having her entire body now laying against his… His mouth went dry, 

Wet 4 The Dry Confirmed

he could even feel her breasts pushing large and heavy against his own chest! ‘Woah… S-So soft… They’re even bigger than Rosa’s, aren’t they?’

can you believe this was written completely unironically? like, people find this hot? if it didnt deplete the experience of reading this fic id replace every line referencing boobs with a comment from nicki minaj’s instagram

For just a split second, no matter how much of a gentleman he was, standing there like that, it was impossible for him not to compare the mother and daughter.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON

“Li-Lisette?” he choked out, desperately reigning in his thoughts before they rampaged down a dangerous direction. “Mmm, Alto, hehe, I’m glad,” she giggled happily, skipping back and beaming up at him as she tugged on his hands, leading him off, “Even just being like this with you, I feel better already!”

ok I have NO idea what movement theyre doing. shes like, skipping and then she comes back and takes his hands and idk probably his dick or something

Absolutely caught up in her rhythm, they were halfway down the hall before Alto finally realised she’d pulled him completely out of his room!

heres a coded message just for katt: e*****t w** d****** **m!the narration means he was aware she was pulling him so like where the fuck did he think he was going if not outside his room

“Uh, h-hey, Lisette? We’re going somewhere? I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” “That’s right,” she nodded simply, giving up and tugging him and instead falling into step beside him, “But your bed’s too small for it to be comfortable, so we’re gonna use my room instead!” Alto almost dug his heels in from sheer indignation! 

im sorry. im sorry I had to cut this up but come on. come the fuck on. indignation. like she made a point and alto is all “insolent female requesting things of me” have you not met alto. authot is from r/incels

She’d come all this way to see him, just to drag him back to her room!? How self-indulgent could she be!? And, it wasn’t as if his bed back in Mithra had been any larger and she’d never complained before. Eventually, he just sighed and followed her lead, it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. If it would make her happier, then that was fine. It might be nice to spend a night in someone else’s room for a change too.

Walking hand in hand through the halls like this was fairly embarrassing, thankfully it seemed that it was late enough that no-one else was around. He really, really didn’t want to suddenly run into Rusty like this, let alone Giselle, or Sakuya… Supressing a shudder, Alto hurried on.

“let alone giselle” wh???? I am so baffled by this. obviously rusty or sakuya would give him shit but whats giselle gonna do??? is alto being bullied by a robot?????? I want giselle to appear and smash alto’s frosting into the ground

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” said Giselle, pointing her laser at altos dick and shattering it into one million individual pieces

Unlike the tiny spare room he’d been assigned so long ago now, Lisette, as a Witch, had been housed in the premium quarters on the other side of their dormitory. 

stop. stop saying dormitory. this is not a college

Luckily in this case, unlike the Palace, the building wasn’t overly large so it was only a short trip to her room. They arrived a few minutes later, just as his heart was beginning to settle down.

…

what happened to the long ass aterisks break. oh god the swear word is coming isnt it

Unfortunately, the moment Lisette opened the door and they stepped inside, Alto’s breath was one again caught violently in his throat, “H-Hilda!?” And indeed, kneeling serenely atop a small cushion in the middle of the large room, the Time Witch was sipping calmly from her usual green ceramic tea-cup, as if there was nothing strange about her presence here at all.

I dont like how shes sitting on a pillow in the center of the room that sounds ritualisitic

(bangs pink cup on the ground) She Sits On The Sacrificial Fuck Pillow ((group of hooded figures behind me start chanting “Fuck Pillow! Fuck Pillow!”

Watching as she settled the drink aside, perfectly in synch with the sound of Lisette locking the door behind her, Alto’s mouth went dry.

theres so much wrong with the syntax and shit but im pushing that all aside to say how fucking difficult it is to sync sound like that even on purpose so yeah theyre def doing a cult sacrifice to the original sex god, elcrest

A moment of silence reigned and somewhere in the back of his currently panicking mind, the bewildered Conductor couldn’t help but notice that Hilda too was wearing her standard Witches’ outfit, the same form fitting black dress 

“dress” very generous for mr boob grower

and wide sweeping hat she’d become associated with for so many years. However, in her case, this wasn’t much of a surprise. As far as he’d seen from the White-Haired woman, she didn’t seem to actually own any normal, casual attire and, while he knew she deeply adored he beautiful white dress she’d unlocked when he’d purified her lonely heart, he also knew that even she couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, wearing something that was practically a wedding dress as an everyday outfit, he hadn’t seen Hilda’s Goddess Robes since the end of the final battle.

I literally cannot read any part of this paragraph except the capitalization of White-Haired and Goddess Robes this was either written in the 1700s or modern day by me dissociating in a target bathroom this is so funny if the fic gets any funnier ill die

“Alto? I’m surprised. Isn’t it a bit late for you to be visiting a woman’s bedroom?”

horny dont got business hours babe

“Ah, H-Hilda! It’s, it’s not what you’re thinking, I, Lisette!? Wha-” “Relax Alto,” the Water Witch giggled softly as she stepped forward, taking his hand again, but this time wrapping herself around his arm, “She’s just teasing you.” “Wha… Abuh?”

this is harem anime/fire emblem dialogue right down to the “Abuh?” actually thats the defining thing you hear someone say that youre in a straight anime and you need to run for your fucking life

“My apologies,” Hilda nodded, offering him a small smile in recompense as she matched Lisette’s movements, taking hold of his other hand, her pale face burning bright red as her soft fingers entwined with his, “I just, got a little flustered seeing you so suddenly… I… I wasn’t sure what to say.”

ok first of all you cannot write hilda in any realm of possibility but also like this is yet another thing to not trust men for: emphasizing the whiteness of a womans skin. he is a racist, plain and simple

Her hand squeezed nervously around his and Alto realised just how easily he could feel her racing heart through the light fabric of her dress when she pulled his arm against herself. Not that Lisette was any different, he couldn’t possibly believe in the confidant front she was showing after knowing her as long as he had, not when he could feel her entire body trembling against him.

hilda is like two ft tall howd she even reach his arm. also like there isnt even any fabric boy u raw touchin her 

His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think what to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for any of this! He’d gone from expecting to go to sleep, to being visited by Lisette, to being dragged through the halls, and now he was being sprung with some surprise meeting!? And both of them were clinging to him like never before! 

this is in character alto not wanting to have a threesome so he can go nap

He couldn’t possibly keep up. Before he even realised it, he’d been pulled all the way over to Lisette’s bed and was sitting with a girl wrapped around either of his arms.

what a problem! what a terrible day for him! what are the odds of this happening!

“What… What’s going on?” “Something good.” Hilda answered in her own cryptic fashion, her voice almost breathless and her blazing red cheeks half hidden behind his cloak as she shyly slid in right next to him.

it is most certainly not good ma’am

“That’s right,” Lisette agreed, happily snuggling up against him as she squeezed herself around his other arm, “We’re gonna help you come to a decision!”

we’re gonna make u C*M...............to a decision ;)

Alto blinked, “Eh?”

petition for this to turn out like the friends episode where ross got kicked out of a threesome with his wife and another woman bc they were lesbians so he left and made a sandwich

conveniently the fic decides to break here anyway so thats all you get for now. I’ll finish the other parts later (im expecting like maybe five because of the gargantuan size of this travesty) and link them direct from here 

Part 2 here! (coming soon)

[stephanidftba]

BTS of my Entim'ara fic:

(fic at https://archiveofourown.org/works/21487177)

CH 1

“Well, my little brother Norvo’s in prison for murder.” Ezri stopped as Kira put her head in her hands.

“Your past life and your little brother?”

“You mean Joran? Yeah. I think having his memories is part of why I was able to handle it so well when Norvo was arrested.” Ezri nodded.

- Ezri has to deal with a surprising amount of murder 

"Our father left when we were little, Mother ran him off I guess." Ezri listed.

- Where’s Ezri’s dad? He went back to Space Canada after teaching Ezri how to say ‘sorry’. 

CH 2 

"Entim'ara. Togetherness festival." Ezri explained. "It takes place over 3 days. It’s a celebration of romance, family, friends... Joined Trill don't really celebrate since it can be a reminder of all the loved ones past hosts have lost…”  

"So you just psychoanalyze your mother?" Kira asked. 

"Yup." Ezri nodded. "Not to her face, of course, she doesn't like me using my training on family, but it helps to know what you're getting into."

- These concepts lifted from the Ezri-suggestion blog (<3) 

"You really enjoy being the tall one, now." Ezri accused with a grin. 

- I love how short Ezri is, especially compared to Kira and Jadzia. 

Part of her brain kept insisting she'd feel better if she pushed her forehead against something, but it wasn't working. She suspected her brain was actually seeking a cool surface and the signal was getting jumbled.

- My brain does this when nauseous and it’s so weird and annoying 

"What in the pools could a counselor be busy with?"

- I really like taking english phrases and twisting them for aliens 

Kira stood up and held her close, tucked Ezri's head down to rest on Kira's shoulder. Their faces were blocked from the viewscreen. 

- These sentences took me so long to get close to right (I’m still not entirely happy with them). Everything I tried felt wrong, impersonally descriptive, kind of like passive voice, when what I wanted to show was Kira hiding Ezri from Yanas’ view on purpose so they could whisper to each other. 

CH 3

“This must be your girlfriend that I’ve heard nothing about.”

- This guilt-tripping twist on ‘This must be X that I’ve heard so much about.’ still makes me chuckle. 

“Kira, would you prefer to stay in the guest room or Ezri’s room?” Her mother asked… "I assume that's something from Dax…” 

Yanas is very pointedly using Kira’s family name and the name of the symbiont here, saying ‘I can be nice and use the names you want me to’. 

the handful of model spaceships slowly making their way around the ceiling

- Taken from a planned but unfilmed detail from Prodigal Daughter 

"4pm. Can you make it until dinner?" He replied.

"I think so."

"1700?" Kira clarified. Ezri shook her head.

"New Sydney's on a 24 hour system, it's about 1530 Bajoran time."

"We probably will be a bit starlagged, it’s close to 2100 on the station." Kira nodded.

- I made a conversion chart between 24 and 26 hour days because time math is already hard, and I kept almost having people leave work at 1700 

“Because Joining is so important to most Trill, toy symbionts are used to explain the concept to children, as long as they're big enough to not fit into a child's pouch."

- Even though Ezri probably grew up away from the planet Trill, she’s still a Trill, and would learn about her body as kids do. And since many kids stick stuff up their nose, I imagine Trill kids would try and stick stuff in their pouch, especially when adults explain that maybe they might have a symbiont in there when they grow up. 

“Ezri, have you heard from Brinner?” Her mother asked. 

- Ezri’s mother is uncomfortable with the conversation (Ezri dating the second in command of the station), so she retaliates and asks about something that will probably make Ezri uncomfortable. 

“After what he- you’re the one who pressured him into- him and Janel-!” Ezri threw her napkin down and started pacing behind her chair, her thoughts coming too fast to even get out properly. 

- These are happening at the same time, I don’t know how to properly convey that. 

“We were the only Trill on the Destiny, and were informed that if Dax's condition worsened, sy would have to be joined. We both planned for it to be Brinner. Turns out he was a Changeling, though. Completely screwed up his chances of getting Joined when he attacked me." Ezri took a deep breath and Kira squeezed her hand. "Apparently wanted to make certain he’d get Dax. I passed out. When I came to, they told me that the Changeling was dead, but he'd hurt both the real Brinner Finok and Dax. Sy needed to be joined and I was the only one available."

- Taken from what I remember of Ezri’s story in Lives of Dax. 

“I’ve co-slept before. You can’t be worse than a twitchy resistance fighter, or a 7 year old.” 

- Because you can’t convince me little Molly O’Brien never had a bad dream and crawled in bed with her Aunt Nerys. (I’m bad at math but I think Molly would be 7 when Kira’s pregnant with Yoshi.) 

CH 4

Ezri unwrapped her present to find a small bedside mirror with her name printed on it. 

- I know there’s a fic (rated M or E I think) where Ezri has a picture of herself beside her bed to remind her who she is when she wakes up, and it backfires. This idea is adapted from that. 

“I know you sometimes have trouble with Dax in the mornings, I hope it helps.”

“Thank you, Mother, I’m sure it will be useful.” Ezri smiled. At least her mother was trying to help with her struggles...

“Happy Entim’ara, Ez.” He passed her a model spaceship kit, the Defiant. She hadn’t built models in years, she had no need to anymore. But he’d tried to get her something she’d like. 

- When someone gets you presents that you have no interest in because they don’t really know you so they just get things based on the little that they know about you. And you don’t like the present but you don’t want to seem ungrateful so you just go along with it (even though this encourages the bad gifts). 

“You being home is present enough.” He smiled.

- I’M REWRITING THAT FOLGERS COMMERCIAL  

Though she was taking the opportunity to glimpse the ridges on Kira's forearms and calves close-up. She knew they were more prominent when bones and cartilage were near the skin. 

- I like thinking about alien anatomy far too much for someone who doesn’t really know how human anatomy works. 

"You're perfectly safe. Tobin wasn't your fault. We're not going above impulse." Kira murmured. Torias had been the one who died in a shuttle craft, but Ezri knew it was hard for others to keep all of Dax's hosts straight. She sometimes had trouble with it, and she remembered being them all. 

- This line brought to you by ‘I mixed up Tobin and Torias and rationalized that Dax’s friends would probably not remember all the previous hosts perfectly’. 

“because of the secret of Joran and how confused Joining made me, and how few ties I have to Trill, I'm worried the Symbiosis Commission is keeping an eye on me to keep the secret, especially when I call you.”

- Ezri “says goodnight to the FBI agent assigned to watch her” Dax 

"Ez? We landed." Kira wiggled her shoulder. 

"I fell asleep?" She muttered, sitting up...

Eventually Kira woke her (she hadn’t intended to fall asleep) and they went to fall asleep properly in Ezri’s bed. 

- Ezri feels safe and relaxed in Kira’s arms 

CH 5 

This chapter exists because I realized in shortening their trip to and from DS9, I’d accidentally written a 5 day week. 

They entered the gravity acclimatization chamber

- The gravity acclimatization chamber is a little room with its own gravity plating that tilts you from the normal gravity of your ship to the tilted gravity of the station 

“Maybe we can try to sneak onto a blue hill.” 

- Kira “takes a sled down a black diamond run to prove Ezri’s mom wrong” Nerys 

“She told me that when you get upset, you can say really cruel things.” 

- See: Ezri talking to her mom in Prodigal Daughter, Ezri and Worf when they crash land and get taken prisoner by the Dominion. 

“it’s late, people say stuff at night that they wouldn’t say if they were fully awake.” 

- I read somewhere that there’s a scientific reason for this but I can’t find it. 

CH 6 

"It's okay," Kira murmured, rubbing her back, "you're safe now." ... “You can let it out, you’re safe.” 

- Don’t imagine Kira’s dad comforting her like this when she’s little, or Kira during the Occupation comforting other kids by assuring them it’s safe to show emotion, that there’s no Cardassians around. 

CH 7

I’m still debating taking out the early stopping points here. People are going to read to the end, so having multiple ‘the end’s seems weird. But I wrote all 3 intending for it to be ‘the end’ then came back to add more, so all 3 work as ‘the end’. 

[thecharactercomma]

Um hi. Do you know/have how to practice writing for the total newbie in fictional writing like me? I mean,I can write but all I can write is nothing but simple sentences such as Mr.A is rich and bad,has blonde hair, is very kind,working here,etc. I have something in my head but sucks badly at explaining and writing. I have searched your tag and there is no "newbie" tag so I hope this question is ok.

Hello there! My inbox is technically closed since I’m cutting down on tumblr time (guess who has diagnosed carpal tunnel now!! *crying*), but I really wanted to answer this.

Yeah, I don’t have a “newbie” tag… the tags are more based on subject/topic instead of writing skill level. So as far as sentence structure, I do have a “sentence fluency” tag and a “sentence structure” tag. As far as describing appearance, you can check out the “describing appearance” tag.

When you’re first starting out, I know it can get really, really frustrating to not be able to describe something the way you imagine it. After years of practice, you’ll get better, but it never really gets “easy.”

My official advice for new writers:

1. Don’t worry about perfection. Do. Not. Worry. About. Perfection. Good writing takes a lot of practice! Studying writing advice can only get you so far compared to actually writing and figuring it out on your own.

Everyone writes terrible first drafts. Nitpicking over each paragraph will only slow you down and keep you from actually making progress. Accept your first draft as the hot mess it will undoubtedly be, and just push through to the finish line!

Seriously, just write and don’t sweat about anything. I’m a firm believe that you need to feel your way around for a bit before you start getting a sense for your writing style. 

A while back, I wrote an article about how I learned to write. Check it out!

2. Know that sentence structure/description isn’t everything. Being able to form a nice sentence does not make you an amazing writer. In my mind, character and plot should be the framework of your novel. That should be your focus when starting out.

Description and beautiful writing livens up that framework and makes it more interesting and understandable to your readers, but a pretty sentence can’t carry the weight of your novel. Besides, it’s much easier to rewrite a bad paragraph than it is to completely reroute the direction of your novel after stumbling upon a huge plot hole.

In my current novel, I have basically no description. I think I mention one character’s hair color at one point and sentence or two about the city, but there’s practically no physical description of the characters or setting. It’s just bare bones plot and character.

When I finish the first draft, I’ll go back and flesh out the descriptions. But I’ve been writing long enough to know it takes a lot of time for me to write descriptions that I’m happy with. I’d rather figure out the plot before spending so much time on something pretty that I might just have to rewrite later for plot reasons.

3. Get creative! This is probably the more actionable advice you want to hear…. “Show don’t tell” isn’t something you should apply 100% of the time, but it does help to think creatively about ways to get information across.

Also keep in mind that you don’t have to tell us everything in one go. You can sprinkle information out across several paragraphs or even several chapters. Something physical, like blond hair, your character might notice right away. He might act friendly toward your character, but they doesn’t fully understand how kind he is until he saves a kitten from a tree or something.

How can you tell if someone’s rich? Does he work in a high-paid position in that job? Does he have a fancy car? A real Rolex on his wrist? Of course, you also need to consider if he’s the type who would flaunt his wealth or not. Maybe he founded some kind of charity for a cause that’s important to him. Details like this let a reader realize he’s rich on their own, without having to be told.

4. Read! Read the books that you love. Find paragraphs that are well-written and perfect. And then break those down and try to pinpoint why it’s a nice paragraph. Are they varying sentence length? Are they starting the sentences with a variety of words?

Honestly, reading a lot will subconsciously improve your writing. Reading good writing just soaks into you and you’ll get a better sense of how to form your words in the way you want.

[joliepixie]

I was going to wait till I finished the book I’m currently reading but I’ve gravely underestimated how much time it actually takes me to finish a book now that I’m back at work. So here we go because I wanted to clean out my photo album.

Pictures left to right!

1) This was a re-read! I was reading Bridgerton at the time but I was finding I couldn’t focus on it so knowing a had already read 100 pages of this book a few months ago ( I’ve been in a four year reading slump attempted fangirl last year and just never finished but still had my book mark in it) I picked it up just cause I felt I need something light and fluffy. I finished it within the day! I couldn’t put it down. This book will always be one of my favourites. Reading it again in 2021 as a adult I didn’t resonate so much with Cath anymore and I did find her character to be childish, whinny and downright embarrassing at times however I think back to who I was in college and remember that I was all those things too. Regardless I still love this story and the romance in it. I love the progression of Cath’s character as she learns who she without her sister.

2) Ah yes Bridgerton… I loved the show even though there was some problematic things that happened within it (that very subtle rape scene between Daphne and Simon). However I decided since I liked the show I should give the book a chance. I had a rough time focusing on the story and found I was not really getting into it. I did enjoy the first part of the book a lot more then the second part. Loved the courtships of Daphne and Simon and the gentle build up to there romance however the lack of communication between the characters was so frustrating and then Daphne over (and when I say over I mean OVER) protective brothers really got on my nerves! Then there’s the matter of the rape scene. Now if you haven’t seen the show basically Simon tells Daphne he can’t have kids, she then learns that when he must ejaculate inside her in order to have kids which he hasn’t been doing. So she decides she’s going to be in top resulting in not letting Simon pull out of her. In the book however it’s so much worse with Simon being drunk in the scene unable to consent or have full control of himself and at this point Daphne knew what she was doing. What broke my heart most was after the fact Simon was so upset his biggest insecurity came out and he was reduced to a stuttering mess not able to form his sentences or get across what he wanted to say. It was heart breaking and really soured the book for me. I won’t be continuing on with the series nor want to reread this novel.

3) I was so excited for this book when they announced it and immediately pre ordered it. I was extremely disappointed with it. I had high hopes at the start and absolutely fell in love with the one scene when young Gil does the simple act of putting his favourite hat on Anne’s head at the beach. At this point in the book I was like this is going to be up in my favourite books list for sure however… the more I read the sadder I got. Anne was missing everything that made her well, Anne. I didn’t feel like I was reading a Anne of green gables retelling. It felt like a fanfiction more then anything and honestly I’m my opinion probably would have been a better story if the characters where originals rather then borrow. This book when from 5 stars to 2 stars very quickly.

4) Another reread! I read this like most kids had to do in high school and absolutely hated it. I hated it so much that when we were given a project of our choice I chose to rewrite the ending. My little romantic teenage heart and brain couldn’t deal with Gatsby dying and Daisy sticking with Tom. Now as a adult rereading it I still hated it… but then I kept thinking about it over and over and then I realized I don’t actually hate it. I actually kind of liked it… if the ending has have been any different I don’t think I’d be saying I liked it. Now as a adult I can understand the ending and understand the reasons. These characters aren’t perfect far from it. Daisy who I so desperately wanted to be this kind and caring women wasn’t. She was greedy, selfish and very flawed. Tom was the safe route even though she was unhappy with his affairs but in some twisted way still loved her (possessed her) Daisy was content to let Gatsby take the fall for Myrtle’s death and let Tom clean the rest up. Not to mention the reason why she chose to marry Tom was due to Gatsby’s omission that he was penniless. Now Gatsby who I so desperately wanted to be a hero. To ride off into the sunset after he won the heart of the girl was nothing but a fool chasing after somebody that was already gone. The lesson that the past is the past was really inspiring to me. We make so many mistakes and have so many regrets as humans but you can’t change the past nor can you go back to the past. Sometimes you just have to keep moving to the future hoping that it will be better.

5) Honestly this what the post of rereads cause here we have another! What do I even need to say about this book! As you can probably tell from my previous posts I am a huge Sarah J. Maas fan and this series is the reason why. Now I’m not claiming it to be perfect but there’s sometimes about her stories that capture my attention and just has me falling in love with all her characters and her worlds. This is definitely my favourite book by her. I love the build up between Rhys and Feyra’s love for each other. I love that they help each other heal and of course I love the imagery of the night court. Will always cherish this book and story.

6) One thing I love about Jennifer L. Armentrout’s writing is her ability to mix suspense with romance. I love the her characters and her ability to write both genres perfectly. This book kept me guessing till the end. I honestly don’t have to much to say about this book other then I liked it a lot. I thought it was a interesting concept to have this character who was cruel come back with no memory not knowing who she was and not wanting to be the same person people said she was but by some one kind. I loved the challenges she faced with being who she wanted and having the courage to break away from who she was.

7) once again a reread! Wow I really didn’t realize till now how many books I reread lately! I picked this book up in a used book store in Pittsburg when I was on a vacation with my dad. I remember absolutely loving it the first time I read it so I was really excited to read it again. The concept: werewolves on Titanic! Rereading it I can say it didn’t hold up to the standards i had in place for it. I did enjoy it but not as much as I originally did. The romance felt rushed and the main female lead felt very young and childish. I also remember the sinking of the ship being more prominent in the book but it was the last 50 pages at least and kind of lacked the action and heartbreak I was remembering. Mind you I was thinking to James Cameron’s Titanic the whole time and was comparing the two which might not be the most fair thing to do. Either way I still did enjoy this book for what it was.