#never realised how bad my writing was /j

[ursa-tan]

Metamorphosis

No ship, just fluff!

Requested: No

When Howdy closes the Bugdega unexpectedly, all of his neighbours are extremely worried. The reader is a puppet in this, ever so slightly shorter than Frank and Eddie, who are both ~4 feet tall.

I'm getting fics out so fast because I broke my phone and have nothing else to do until I can get it fixed - then I can go back to doom-scrolling TikTok

Word count: 3,455 Reading time: ~12 mins

TW: None

Somehow, Julie had managed to drag you into helping her out with a party she was planning. Really, she had dragged everyone into it. Drag was the wrong word actually, you (much like everyone else) had volunteered yourself and then got assigned a job. The job in question? You were to bake a cake - or cupcakes, or anything you wanted really, but you had decided to bake a cake. Normally it's something Poppy would've done, but Julie had asked her to help with something else, so you were stuck on baking duty.

You had made the decision to get Wally to help you. He was an artist after all, how hard could baking be? And at the very least, you could get him to decorate the cake and keep you company while you baked it.

"Wally!" You shout, standing outside of Home. He had promised to be out at 11:30 am sharp and it's currently 11:45. You could all see the clock tower from your respective homes, so he had no excuse to be late.

A loud creak and banging of a door sounds from inside Home, closely followed by the sound of Wally's voice. It's too muffled for you to make out anything, but you can hear that it sounds relatively impatient. The sounds are then quickly followed up by what sounds like Wally running and nearly falling down the stairs. It’s a sound that makes you wince slightly.

The door whips open, although it’s obvious Wally wasn’t the one to open it. He’s still standing a little way away, signature cardigan half on as he tries to do his shoes up.

“What happened to ‘11:30 sharp’ huh?” You ask, hands on your hips as you stare down at him.

“Sorry neighbour, something came up,” He mumbled, fully pulling his shoes on and finally exiting Home.

"Ok, well, I take that its all sorted now?" You ask, looking down at him as you begin the short walk towards Howdy's Place. You make sure to take smaller steps so he can stay by your side. Its not like you're that much taller than Wally, just enough so that you have to slow down ever so slightly.

"Yes, all sorted," He smiles, not looking up at you. He keeps pace with a little effort, having to walk slightly faster than usual.

The both of you chat pleasantly as you walk. It's the same thing that happens every time on the short walk. A pleasant little chat where you and Wally catch up on each others life. What is usual, however, is everyone crowded outside of the bugdega, chattering in hushed voices.

"Is everyone ok?" You ask, concerned as you come to a stop between Eddie and Barnaby. Wally slips in next to you.

"Howdy hasn't been seen since yesterday," Eddie mumbles, toying with Frank's fingers as he does, "He hasn't even called anyone, were all a bit worried."

Frank nods, humming in agreement with their husband. "Poppy tried calling him this morning, but he wouldn't pick up."

You look down at the ground for a moment, catching Wally's eyes as he tilts his head to look up at you. There's a look of curiosity in those deep black pits, one of concern too. It drives you forwards, taking the largest steps you can without seeing strange until you reach the door. 

Realistically you know its impolite and completely improper, but you have to try it - so you place your hand gently on the handle and give the door a small push. It doesn't budge at all. You push again, hoping the door is just stuck in its frame for whatever reason, but again it doesn't budge.

"It's locked," You mumble, not turning around. No one answers, you're not sure if its because they had already tried or if they're ashamed for not having tried it. There isn't time to wait for an answer - not in your mind at least. Howdy never shuts the bugdega, ever, especially not without saying something to someone.

You press your face against the window, cupping your hands round your eyes. It gives you a slightly better view into the darkened space behind them. You look for the faint white glow of the fridge, but you can't find it. The fridge has been turned off - or maybe not turned back on after it turned itself off? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Howdy is responsible, he wouldn't let his stock go bad, even if he was sick! Something in your gut is sitting horribly wrong.

"Did anyone notice the fridge isn't on?" You turn yourself back to the group, all of whom look up at you when you speak.

"It isn't?" Barnaby asks back, walking up to join you by the window, also pressing his face against it for a moment before pulling away. "You're right, it isn't..." He trails off, looking down at you in concern.

"Does anyone know what we should do?" It's Eddie's turn to speak up again, still messing with Frank's hand - this time smoothing his thumb over the wedding ring.

"Maybe we can take turns sitting outside and waiting for Howdy to come out?" Julie, who had been seemingly deep in thought up until this point, looks up at her best friend and their husband.

"We have to do something more than that," You say, once again turning back to look into the darkened Bugdega. Something is telling you that Howdy needs to be checked on.

"You can't get in, the door's locked, darling." This time, it's Sally's turn to speak up, as she approaches the door. She easily ushers you and Barnaby out of the way, head held high as she speaks in a quiet yet clear voice, shooing you both away.

No one speaks as she leans forwards, resting her cupped hands against the glass door to help her look inside. You're sure she quickly comes to the same conclusion as you, as she leans away and looks back towards the crowd. Surprisingly, she doesn't speak, only solemnly shaking her head and walking away to stand by Poppy.

Quiet chatter breaks out amongst the group once again, everyone seeming to break off into their own conversations as you collectively try and figure out how to get into the Bugdega.

You feel a soft tug on the back of your jumper just as you're about to say something to Barnaby. It's Wally, except he's not looking at you - another unusual thing to add to the list of the many things that have happened today. He's looking up at one of the windows on the second floor of the Bugdega, which is cracked open ever so slightly.

"Right," You mumble, patting Wally's shoulder. You know exactly what he's suggesting, even if he hasn't said it

Ideally, you'd want Howdy for this job. Even if he isn't the tallest neighbour, he does have very lanky arms and you know that you could easily reach the window if you stood on his hands. But he isn't here, so your next best bet is Barnaby.

"hey, Barn?" You ask, tilting your head away from the window and towards the massive blue dog beside you.

"Yeah, kid?" He breaks his eyes away from the Bugdega's door, looking at you. You can tell he's trying his best to hide his concern for the missing caterpillar.

"You think you could lift me up high enough to get into that window up there?" You once again look towards the window, pointing up at it.

"If you think you can squeeze in there," His words strike you, making you re-think your plan. The gap is pretty small, and even if you're one of the smallest neighbours, you doubt if you can squeeze in through a gap that small. "Maybe Wally could fit?"

The smaller puppets look up at the mention of his name, eyes moving slowly between you and the larger puppet. He doesn't seem to have heard Barnaby's proposition.

"You think you can fit through there Wally?" You ask, looking down at the little puppet.

He seems to hesitate for a second, looking up at the open window and thinking before looking back to you and Barnaby. He seems to be a little concerned.

"I'll follow you in," You say, smiling, placing a hand on his shoulder and keeping him close, "I just need you to get in there and open the window. Then we can look for Howdy together, promise."

"Ok neighbour, I'll do it." Wally nods, now waiting for Barnaby to pick him up.

"Right, up we go then." As Barnaby picks him up, the rest of your neighbours turn to face them. Wally is standing on Barnaby's hands, just about managing to reach the windowsill when Barnaby stands up on his tiptoes. You can see that it takes a lot of effort for them both to get Wally up there - the Bugdega is a massively tall building, and Wally has to hook his fingertips into the window to pull himself up.

"Ok kiddo, your turn," Barnaby mumbles, turning towards you and scooping you up next. It takes you a moment to get steady on his hands, but by the time you're as far up as he can get you, Wally has fully pushed the window open and is leaning out to grab your hands. 

As soon as he can, Wally is gripping your wrists and pulling you up. He might not be very strong, but with the combination of being anchored at the windowsill by the waist and Barnaby giving you a final push from underneath, you manage to tumble into the window.

"Are we sure that's a good idea?" You can faintly hear Eddie ask from down below, probably feeling like breaking into Howdy's place isn't a great idea.

"It'll be ok Eddie." You hear Frank's vice next, comforting his husband. It's nice to know they always stick together.

"Ok Wally... Time to find Howdy," You mumble, standing up from where you were on the floor. Wally just nods, standing up and taking your hand. He seems a bit uneasy, and if you're honest, so are you. 

All of the curtains inside are drawn, including the one in front of the window you just crawled through. Everything is also eerily quiet. You can't hear a single sound from anywhere inside the building, bar the soft tapping of the curtain as it flutters in the wind still coming from the open window.

You reach out and take Wally's hand, pulling him until his body is pressed into yours. The same something that told you Howdy needed to be checked on is also now telling you that you shouldn't check alone. 

"Maybe we should check his bedroom?" Wally asks, looking up at you. His voice is still monotone but has lost that sleepy quality it usually has to it.

"Yeah... Seems like the right choice..." You mumble in response, beginning the slow search of Howdy's flat.

Much to your surprise, you don't find anything at all. There are no traces of Howdy anywhere you look. His bed is made, the kitchen is clean, and his bathroom sink is dry. As far as you can tell, it looks like Howdy kinda just... stopped existing.

"I think we should check the actual Bugdega... There's gotta be some evidence of him down there..." It's the first time either of you has said anything since you agreed with Wally on checking the bedroom. It feels wrong to break the near silence of the flat.

"Ok... I'm following," Wally murmurs, obviously not wanting to go first.

You have to move carefully down the stairs as you only have one of your hands to help support you. Wally is gripping tightly onto your hand as you both descend straight into the stock room. The smaller puppet is partially hiding behind you when you both step onto the cold concrete floor. You can hear the sound of your feet meeting the hard surface echo out.

"Howdy's in here..." Wally's voice is muffled as he hides his face in your back.

You hate to admit it, but you know he's right. Howdy is somewhere in the stock room - even if you can't hear him breathing or moving about, you know he's somewhere in here.

"Howdy?..." You call out, hesitant to make any noise in the near-silent room.

Wally continues to hide behind you as both of you explore the Bugdega's storage room. He seems to be trying to keep his face pressed into your back as you both explore. You can't blame him - if you had someone braver than you here, you'd probably hide your face in them... Probably Frank. Frank would think about this logically.

"Hey, Wally... Maybe we should find the keys and open the door to let everyo- AHHHH!" You interrupt yourself with a scream, loud enough to pierce the absolute silence of the storeroom.

Wally peaks out from behind you and promptly gasps in horror, probably already prepared for the sight due to your scream. You can hear someone pounding on the door faintly and the sound of someone else shouting in panic. You think you can vaguely make out the sound of Frank telling Barnaby to pick him up and help him through the window that you left open. But none of that matters.

In front of you is a massive cocoon. It's bigger than any of your friends and looks horrifically sticky in whatever light is keeping the storeroom from being pitch black. You hate to think about it, but you're pretty sure something inside it is moving. You reach forwards to touch it, despite it looking to be covered in some sort of goo, only to be tugged back by Wally.

"That looks like a cocoon," He mumbles, continuing to tug you backwards and away from it, "We should talk to Frank, they know a lot about bugs..."

"Ok, let's get Frank..." You're relieved that Wally brought it up, you don't want to be along in here any longer.

You both rush to find the keys and open the front door. Everyone seems to fret over how panicked the both of you look, especially Poppy. But you don't have time for that, not as you rush Frank in and towards where you found the cocoon. Wally doesn't know what to say, but you're convinced that whatever is in there ate your friend and shopkeeper.

Frank gets as close to it as he can without touching it, circling around it and inspecting it. They seem to reach a conclusion after a few minutes. They stand up and walk back towards you, wally and the neighbours who are now crowded behind you and murmuring quietly. Apart from Eddie, who is waiting outside because he hates bugs.

"I think you're right (Y/n), Howdy is in the chrysalis," They speak with clarity, standing up straight and puffing his chest out slightly, "I think Howdy is pupating."

"And... What does that mean for the big guy?" It's Barnaby's turn to speak now. It doesn't seem like anyone else can find the words, to be fair.

"He's becoming a butterfly!" Frank practically shouts, excitement evident. "O-Or a moth, of course! He could always be a moth."

"How long will it take? This whole," Barnaby pauses a moment to gesture to the chrysalis, "thing."

"Well, it can vary. Some species only take a few days to pupate and emerge, some take weeks or even months! And some even take years! I- We know nothing about what kind of butterfly- or moth! - Howdy is rather large, he could-"

"Frank. How long."

"O-Oh, uh, hmm. My best guess would be around a month, but i could be entirely wrong."

"Let's work with that then," Barnaby huffs, putting one hand on his lower back and one on his head. He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again, "Someone needs to run the Bugdega while howdy is out of commission, we can't go a month without it."

"I can do that," You pipe up, smiling kind of nervously.

"Ok then kiddo. You sure you can manage that?" He's looking down at you like he doesn't think you can do it. You're determined to prove him wrong.

"Yes, I'm sure." You're not actually sure. Howdy is a lot bigger than you, has 4 arms, 4 legs and significantly more energy than you. But you have to try now, you said you'd do it.

And try you do. For the first week, it seems pretty easy. Very few things need restocking, and everything that does need to be restocked is light and easy to carry. You have to use a ladder to reach some of the shelves on account of them being built for someone who easily doubles your height and them some. But you manage. You run the bugdega.

However, as time goes on and the days roll by, the work gets progressively harder and harder. There's always something to do to keep the place in tip-top shape. You find that you barely have time to stop and eat, only ever managing quick snacks and things that you don't really need to cook. You also find that you're taking unwanted naps while tucked under the counter between customers due to staying up late to keep everything running smoothly.

On the upside, the apron makes you look cute. Even if Poppy had to make a custom one for you so you weren't tripping over the extra fabric.

"You look rough, kiddo," Barnaby chuckles to himself as he walks in, ringing the bell above the door and startling you from your half-snooze.

You jump up from where you were slouched on the counter, causing you to topple off the stool you had been sitting on and onto the floor. Barnaby pads towards you, leaning over the counter and chuckling when he looks down at the mess you've become.

"Have a nice trip? Don't forget to send me a postcard!"

"How does Howdy always have the energy to laugh at your jokes?... I'm utterly exhausted..." You pull an arm over your face, placing it so that the crook of your elbow rests over your nose.

"I'm just hilarious, that's all," The dog reaches over the counter and offers you a hand. You take it, albeit reluctantly, and allow him to pull you back to your feet, "funniest pooch around!"

"Normally I'd agree... But I'm not sure when the last time I got a full night's sleep was."

"Looks like never, if I'm honest," Barnaby doesn't stop when you're on your feet, keeping a hold of your hand and easily lifting you until you're sat on the counter, "If I'm being nice? Maybe about a week ago."

He chuckles as you lean forwards, your face buried in his chest fluff. His breathing nearly lulls you back to sleep immediately. It would've if it weren't for the familiar voice from behind you.

"Uniform looks good on you (Y/n), maybe I should hire you full-time."

It's Howdy, he's back and now significantly different. For one, he's not wearing a shirt, for another, he has a massive pair of butterfly wings coming from his back. Although those aren't the only things. He looks fluffier. Taller too. His limbs - from what you can see at least - fade into a darker, more forest green as they reach his hands. His antennae are also longer and curl around more, practically creating a small spiral. He also seems to be taller, on account of him ducking under the stockroom's door to get into the actual bugdega.

"You're back!" You call, scrambling off the counter with what energy you have and rush towards him. You stand on your tiptoes and hug him, burying your face into his fluffy belly.

"(Y/n)? You ok?"

"I tried running the bugdega while you were out. I couldn't do it." Your voice is muffled against Howdy's stomach as you hug him. You don't want to let go. Not only is your friend back, but now you get to go home and sleep properly for the first time in about a month and a half.

"I think you did a splendid job, the bugdega looks great." Howdy places a hand on your back, allowing you to rest against him for a moment.

Slowly, everything returns to normal. Sure, Frank won't leave Howdy alone unless Eddie physically drags them away. And yeah, Howdy has to have all of his clothes altered to fit his new stature. But over all, everything returns to normal, now with a slightly taller and prettier shopkeeper.

[29121996]

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[toomiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[babyleostuff]

Absolutely love your OT13 reactions!! Do you mind writing one about how seventeen would react at an award show if their so (also an idol) forgot about the whole “no one is meant to know we are dating” thing and did smth like sit on their lap or run up to them and hugged them on instinct when they won an award so it’s j all cute and fluffy?? Hope you’re having a wonderful day btw **showers you in happiness and baked goods**

so happy to hear you enjoy my work love! I'm not sure if it's as fluffy as I'd like it to be, but I had no other idea for this request, so sorry for that. Still, I hope you enjoy this one as well <3

s/o comes up to them at an award show and forgets about “no one is meant to know we are dating” | ot13

☾₊ ⊹ currently playing: hot by seventeen

𓆩♡𓆪 SEUNGCHEOL

In the heat of the moment he’d also forget about all of the cameras surrounding you. Only after Jeonghan forcefully shoves his shoulder he kind of realises where he is and what has just happened. It's too late to deny anything, so he just goes back to hugging you. 

𓆩♡𓆪 JEONGHAN 

He kind of stares at you weirdly and you begin to worry that something bad has happened. You have kissed his cheek a hundred times before, but never has he reacted like that. Only when you notice his big eyes and the silence that surrounds you, you realise what has happened. 

𓆩♡𓆪  JOSHUA

When you run up to him to tackle him in a hug he panics, because he knows that you are surrounded by multiple cameras. So instead of catching you - he steps away. And you fall. Let’s say that he had a lot of apologising to do later that night. 

𓆩♡𓆪 JUN

Filled with joy about your first win, you run behind Jun and hug him from behind. He gets startled when he feels someone suddenly hugging him and gets even more startled when he sees that it's you. He quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed and thank god everyone was busy looking at the stage. 

𓆩♡𓆪 HOSHI 

He runs away. He literally runs aways. You don’t even get to touch him, before he takes all his stuff and hurries away with a scream. At first you don’t really know what has gotten into him, but then you look at the boys as they give you a disapproving look. 

𓆩♡𓆪 WONWOO

You’re both up on the stage as the MCs. As a reflex you put your hand on his arm, stroking it softly, as you usually do. At first he kind of malfunctionates, before giving you a side eye. He tries to laugh it off and turn it into a joke, to not cause any rumours. 

𓆩♡𓆪 WOOZI 

He just smiles awkwardly and tries to shake your hand from his arm. At first you want to scold him, but then you quickly realise what you had done. Petrified by the whole situation, he looks around him, before laughing and giving thumbs up to the camera. 

𓆩♡𓆪 DK 

As you approach him, he kind of realises what is about to happen, but he doesn’t react. He lets you hug him and place a sweet kiss on his cheek. That is when you realise what has happened. You just stand and stare at each other, wishing that you could disappear. 

𓆩♡𓆪 MINGYU 

He’s probably the one that actually came up to you first. He picks you up and spins you around, before placing a kiss on your forehead. That’s when he sees people giving you weird stares. Not knowing what to do, he picks up a person next to you and spins them around as well, before leaving with an awkward smile and tears in his eyes. 

𓆩♡𓆪 MINGHAO 

One second Minghao was sitting calmly in his seat and the next you appeared out of nowhere on his lap. He quickly gave you a knowing look, before letting out a soft squeak and knocking you off his lap. 

𓆩♡𓆪 SEUNGKWAN 

You were all on stage receiving flowers for your win. Unfortunately, the person who was supposed to give you your flowers was Seungkwan. As he was passing them to you, he gave you a quick peck on your cheek. You both froze, looking at each other. Then, Seungkwan fainted. 

𓆩♡𓆪 VERNON

He freezes. You ran up to him to give him a quick hug and he simply froze. All eyes were on you. All cameras were on you. His mind went blank and he just stood there with his arms awkwardly dangling by his side. 

𓆩♡𓆪 DINO 

The moment you enter his personal space, he lets out his famous HAHAHA laugh. You just look at him weirdly, because that was so out of his character. But then you realise what he was trying to tell you through his super awkward laugh. There’s literally a camera next to him and if you’d made even one more step toward him, you’d be in big trouble.

[spacebaby1]

Hola, espero que tengas un buen día. No hablo inglés y estoy usando traductor, así que lo siento si no se entiende algo. 😭😭😭

I love how you write rindou! can I request a one-shot where rindou yells at you angrily after work and leaves the house and then comes to his senses. I love drama with angst and happy ending 😭🙏🏻

hola amor! ¡Está absolutamente bien, me gusta mucho esta idea! Enjoy!!🫂♥️

It's impossible to ever get Rindou to fear anything until it's his loved ones getting hurt in front of him; you and Ran, the only important people in his life.

The mission was so intense that Ran got hurt badly, and Rindou had to drag him out just in time before everything went bad. The even mare Rindou a bit shaken up than his usual calm demeanour. He completely spaced out in the meeting afterwards, cloth drenched in his brothers blood; luckily they both survived. So when he walked inside the house you gasped at his sight.

Immediately rushing towards him with concern all over your face as you spoke, "R-Rin? Are you hurt? What happened? Why is there blood all over your clothes?" You cupped his face, checking him for injuries before letting go and holding his hand, shaking him you spoke, "Rin, please talk to me. Rin are you-"

He shut his eyes, pulling his hand away. You flinched away when he yelled at you, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP FOR A SECOND? STOP TALKING, J-JUST STOP IT. I CAN'T THINK RIGHT NOW, I'M FUCKING FINE, FUCK! YOU ARE SO INSUFFERABLE. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT." He turned his back and left immediately, you were terrified of the way he acted. Rindou never yelled at you, ever. You wanted to follow him but you just couldn't get yourself to move from where you stood, tears falling down your cheek as you blinked them away, you didn't know what did you do to make him snap.

Rindou walked until he couldn't anymore, so he just leaned on the nearest wall. His breathing calmed down as he played the event of the day in his mind. He remembered feeling terrified because Ran was hurt, but he was also thinking of you the moment they got out, and he couldn't stop thinking, what if you got hurt? His eyes widened at the realisation of what he just did. In a moment of anger, he did exactly what he feared; he hurt you.

Almost tripping on his feet as he sprinted home and to the front door, breathing heavily, his head pounding in guilt. He called out for you, but there was no answer. He sighed before trying to walk towards the bedroom only for his leg giving in. He yelped as he fell on the ground. He forgot that he had hurt his leg, he called out for you but it came in a low whispere.

At first, you avoided him calling your name until you heard a thud and a yelp. Immediately whipping your tears, you rushed downstairs to find Rindou on the ground, on his knees barely hold up. "Baby!" You rushed towards him and sat next to him trying to help him sit properly gently rubbing his shaking hand, "w-what's wrong?" You cried, he gathered all his strength to turn to you and wrap his arms around you tightly as if you will disappear if he let go, you gasped at the sudden embrace but held him close. He passed out in your arms.

Rindou woke up a few hours later in bed, changed it his pyjamas, and his wounds wrapped. He looked to find kakucho standing near the window, "I'm I hallucinating or it's you, kaku?" His question made kakucho let out a sigh of relief. "You gave Y/n a scare, you know that? Are you feeling better, man?"

Rindou nodded. "Where's my girl? Is she okay?"

Kakucho sighed, "she said that you don't want her in your sight. Why would you say that?" Rindou sat up immediately, eyes wide, "WHAT! NO, NO, T-THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! where is she? Did she lea-ouch!" Rindou moaned in pain when he tried to get up only to feel the agonising pain in his leg. Kakucho held him back, "she's here. She's downstairs. Calm down, I'll call her in, just relax. You are hurt." Before Kakucho could even reach the stairs, he heard Rindou calling out your name. You immediately rushed towards the stairs, "is he okay? I-i heard his voice." Kakucho placed a comforting hand on your head and smiled, "he's better now, just needs to see you. Can you hear him? He's gonna drop himself off that bed if he doesn't see you right now." You nodded and rushed past Kakucho towards your room but slowed down as you reached the door, slowly peeking from the doorframe, but Rindou saw you and gasped forwarding his both hands for you. "Baby! I'm so sorry, please come here, I wanna hold you." You slowly made your way towards him with tears in your eyes, "Oh no, no, come here, let me wipe those tears away." You fell in his arms, hugging him carefully and trying not to hurt him further than he already was. "I'm so so so sorry for snapping at you, I'm an idiot. I was just scared and confused, I'm sorry I will never ever ever yell at you ever again. You were probably scared of me, I hurt you. I'm sorry, angel, my sweet, sweet baby. Please forgive me." He rubbed your back and you sniffled in his chest, "I'm glad you're okay, I was so scared and worried. I'm sor-"

"No, no! Don't apologise, baby, it's all my fault, just "You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel safer. I'm sorry for scaring you." He pulled away, and you smiled at his as he whipped your tears, "I could never be scared of you, Rinny. I love you." He intertwined your fingers with his, and he smiled, kissing your forehead, "my sweet, sweet girl."

[paracosmic-gt]

Am I Borrower Folcintera?

The title is rhetorical :)

Author: J/June of Wanderstars

Word count: 786

📎🧵🌱🧵📎

Folcintera is something that describes a folklore connection right? If so, I think Borrower folcintera is the way I should go. I look at the way borrower and brownie are interchanged and I wonder if all this goes deeper...

(read on below the cut)

I tried archetropy, but I think this label is the way it's heading. So I'm gonna talk about it.

First I talk about myself. I have my own understanding of who I am that mimics the story of Borrowers everywhere. Beyond my current stature, my life seems to follow a Borrower's existence.

I found myself coming to front in the middle of a breakdown, as we hid in a closet, and I felt safe. Behind walls, peeking in at a house we never felt fully safe in. I've always been on the outskirts and underfoot, even going so far as to imagine what would happen if I suddenly was the size I hoped. I'd run and hide. I often felt that I would be safer with a stranger, with a chosen giant, than my own family.

"Be good to them and they won't squish you."

I am a vulnerable creature, sensitive and shy, suffice it to say I adopted this role wholeheartedly. Fawning and caring for everyone so I wasn't hurt. Hiding in the shadows and the corners, borrowing the smallest favours so I wasn't noticed for taking too much. Constantly stifled in a place I was supposed to grow, until now I take up such little space.

I look human, but I'm not on the inside.

As a child we loved fairies, used to write notes to them wishing for wings to fly away. Now I return to the depiction of a typical fairy and I wonder about how I look to them. I've been grounded, living inside a house for so long, crazed and wild as a feral mouse. How they welcome me into lush forests and calm grasses. Tell me that it's okay, that I'm safe now. That I've survived, and I'm still alive.

And then, well, I met my giant. And he reminds me I'm not all typical borrower. He reminds me that, just like Arietty, I haven't developed a distrust for all giants. I don't have the "sense". Like Sho, we met in greenery and I learnt to trust him. Because he is the one who manages to make me feel safe, comfortable, and loved.

I am a tiny, my size is incredibly important to me. It is affirming and lovely and spreads like vines to make me a bug, a borrower, and maybe even a fairy too. It's born from suffering, but now it is my choice to return to a giant's house. Running underfoot becomes a game, a happy and delightful game, as I re-enact my trauma and reconnect to my own heritage. Because as much as the borrower lifestyle is pain, it is who I am. I can no longer pretend I am human, and I embrace the good, and the bad.

Now it comes to folklore, how others see me. Borrowers as a species seem to share a strong resemblance and connection to brownies or broonies, which are household spirits from Scottish folklore. However, there seems a split between the two kinds in general view. Brownies are associated with Fae, goblins, gnomes, etc. while Borrowers are typically viewed as "tiny people" without any specified powers. Joining the ranks of Lilliputians and tinies everywhere. The depictions of both range vastly online and in literature, from insectoid to rodentish, and magical to mundane.

For me, the line between what I am and what I see depicted of my kind is blurred.

To what extent am I mystical? I don't have magic, but when I get really excited I feel wings buzzing behind me as if I was Fae. Scientifically, I can't exist at my size, so there must be something else inside me. I also don't find it alarming that I am a Borrower who is therian identifying, a lot of my nonhuman-ness feels very in line with being a tiny creature forced to survive on the outskirts of society.

To what extent am I human? I have written stories myself, of a giant meeting a borrower and coming to realise they are the same levels of intelligence and sophistication. I sometimes look it, but inside I don't feel it. I've lived inside a human dwelling and adopted their customs but I'm not a human. And I think my fellow literary Borrowers would agree.

So I am left with a bit of a puzzle to fill, but pieces are coming into place slowly. All I know is that I'm a Borrower, whatever that even means, and folcintera as a term seems to acknowledge all the points I mentioned above.

Another thread untangled, in a complex yet simple appearing web. All starting with giantess comics on DeviantArt and a kid who wanted to fly.

[neverpathia]

WIP Ask: I wanna know about Nerves and Nightmares [of course I do, Paranoid my beloved]. Tell us as much as you can / want without spoiling too much :]

also I love the HC of Paranoid being the resident overworked mom of the Long Quiet, it's the same for my Paranoid

okay.

let me preface this by saying that I probably know as much about this WIP as the average audience member. and why is that? because I actually didn't think about properly plotting it out.

if anything, I was just like "okay I wanna write stp fanfiction for my AU". and then I went ahead and was like "I wanna write it in first person." and then at first I wanted to make cheated the main POV character (so we could've had like 'Rages and Razors' or something I don't even know man) but then I decided. nah. paranoid's better for plot and he's my wife now.

so here we are. what an awkward start to a relationship.

i've blabbed a little about it in the main post so I shall blab a little more about it here. it's cosy fantasy. daily going-ons. a little slice of life. taking care of work. living and learning and changing. dealing with the other voices' bullshit. they all live together in a cosy little village, and he's the resident healer apothecary guy, and there's thankfully no shortage of bullshit to deal with.

this is a story of adaptation and new beginnings. this is a story of tying up loose ends. this is a story of development; of discovery and rediscovery. this is a story of learning to relax, of accepting your flaws, of facing your fears.

above all, this is a story of healing and recovery.

so obviously I had to focus on paranoid because COME ON he's the perfect pick. he's inevitably going to have to interact with everyone because of his job. so we get to see at least one moment with every single voice. he's also kind of unstable by himself, but he's gonna get at least a little better.

there's a truckload of character development. does that count as a spoiler? he learns that the world isn't out to get him, not anymore. that he doesn't have to be so on-guard and mistrustful all the time. and to fucking stop overthinking that much oh my lordy lord.

hero features pretty prominently in this. oh golly gee, I wonder why. totally not like they become boyfriends or anything of the sort. they totally don't learn to acknowledge their flaws through each other. that they might be more similar than they realise. that they don't have to be alone in navigating the overwhelming reality and endless expectations- okay, yeah, that totally never happens. /j

cheated does also feature quite a bit in here though, because he's the star patient. not because he's so cooperative, but because he's paid way too many visits to the infirmary and paranoid is very done. they have a kinda hilarious friendship. like "fuck. you're here again." just ranting back and forth about "god everyone else is so dumb, thank god I'm the only normal person here." (neither of them are normal.)

so if you like either of the above then yeah. nice.

also just because this is cosy fantasy and no one dies or anything, doesn't mean this is all sunshine and rainbows and 100 percent cruelty-free. far from it. for starters, I have made broken and smitten best friends and if you know how that one platonic smitbroken ficlet went then you will have an idea of how bad it can get. that won't be the only toxic relationship, or even friendship, up in here.

of course not. nightmare's roaming around somewhere in a fic where the mc is we-all-know-who.

and then there's the individual issues of everyone, left alone to fester. it's not just about paranoid. there's hero's guilt and remorse. cheated's bitterness and resignation. but there's still paranoid's overwhelming workload and ever-increasing stress. the fact that he has to deal with the traumas of both himself and his patients.

it's not going to be nice.

and there is at least one attempted suicide. spoiler: I haven't mentioned the perpetrator in this post just yet. wonder who he could be...guess lol. consider that my first warning.

like, I love psychological angst. no death or murder or downright destruction. just people left in the throes of their own worst qualities. that's my fucking speciality.

but we cannot have recovery if there is nothing to be saved from.

and another thing to take heed of: there obviously isn't going to be a lot of smut, but I'm a male writer. there will be women. there will be feminine characters.

so most of the time I'll probably end up fixating on Paranoid's large eyes and billowing hair and delicate features and slender frame and stuff. why? because wife. but sometimes the narration will veer into...uh, say, describing how buxom the Thorn is. consider that my second warning.

[laurenairay]

I loved and I loved and I lost you - J. Hughes

Summary: Sometimes, relationships just end.

Warnings: Pure angst

Words: 1.7k

A/N: I don’t know even know what this is or where it came from, but here it is. Needed to get some angst off my chest in the healthiest way I could think of, and I feel so much better for it. Hopefully I’ll write something for Jack that’s not so angsty another time!

Title from Hurts Like Hell, by Fleurie

*

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

You didn’t know when the end had started. There wasn’t anything in particular that had triggered this downfall, this spiral that you’d been floating on for as long as you could remember. Parties had lost their shimmer, all the laughter and conversations feeling stilted and fake. Nights out clubbing had lost all their energy, the loud music and bright lights grating like they never had before. Date nights were rare, as were the random romantic surprises he’d dotted around in the first year or so. Watching him play hockey felt like you were just going through the motions, barely able to feel anything when you would once scream with pride. Even nights in together were lacklustre, as infrequent as they were, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa like the two of you were flatmates rather than lovers.

Somewhere along the line, your relationship with Jack Hughes had drifted into nothingness, and you didn’t know how to salvage it. You longed for his laughter, his love, his touch, but you weren’t sure you knew how to ask anymore. Gone were the days where you felt cherished and adored, all replaced with brief kisses in passing and half-hearted words that felt rehearsed. Everything inside you that used to bubble over with excitement and joy and wonder felt like an aching chasm, empty and depleted, nothing left to recover. Like you were trying to grab at frayed strings to hold onto, but it all just flickered out into smoke between your fingers. You wondered if it was the same for Jack too, although he’d never said a word about the obvious diminishing of the passion between you two. It felt like you were a ghost, drifting along at his side, just simply existing in a world that used to make you feel like you were on fire.

It was almost a relief when Luke signed to the team, moving in with the two of you.

And it helped you see that it wasn’t all just in your head – Jack had changed. The apathy he’d been showing you for longer than you cared to admit was nowhere to be seen when he interacted with his brother. That laughter you fell in love with years ago filled your apartment where it had been so quiet before. The rapid conversation, filled with energy and jokes, once again lit up Jack’s body like a livewire, the two brothers making the apartment feel like a home once more. Even the smile that had made you weak at the knees when you first met him had made its way back – and you couldn’t remember when he had stopped smiling like that at you to begin with. You had no doubt that you held blame in this crumbling relationship too. In a way, the fact you hadn’t noticed how bad everything had gotten was damning in itself. Your own blindsided realisations had to have come from somewhere, and you knew in your heart that Jack wasn’t the only one at fault for letting things get to how they are. It felt like you were just moving along in a fog, the public kissing and hand-holding some kind of act, and you knew you shouldn’t feel so empty, not like this. But you couldn’t stop any of it, couldn’t vocalise any of it, thoughts feeling like they were in slow motion while the rest of the world raced by. How had things gone from so good to so bad so quietly?

There was no anger, no burning need to confront him, no reason to hate him to any degree. He’d never cheated, couldn’t even fathom the thought, and neither had you. There were no lingering arguments, no irritations, no hurtful reasons for you to leave, not really. There was just…nothing. Nothing left inside that held any meaning, not like it used to. You felt nothing when you once felt on top of the world, consumed with joy and love and laughter, and knowing the difference? Knowing how much you felt before compared to how little you felt now? That cut you deep most of all.

It was all of this that made your decision easier than you thought.

When you thought about a future with him, all you could picture was an endless tunnel, taking steps forward each day with an interminable road in front of you. No journey, no destination, just emptiness. A void, if you will, and if nothing else that scared you. What was there to stay for, if there was no future you could envision with him?

Why stay?

It was only once that thought passed your mind that you felt a clarity for the first time in a long time. A beacon of hope out of the darkness that had taken over you so completely. Leaving Jack was your answer.

Leaving Jack.

Leaving Jack?

A different kind of ache filled your chest as your decision settled into your bones, the deep unnerving sadness of a life together that could’ve been wonderful if it hadn’t fallen apart. A swirling pool of missed opportunities, a life you could’ve had, all washing away down the drain like it meant nothing at all when it had once meant everything to you. Because it had been your everything, once upon a time. You’d loved Jack with your whole heart, body, and soul…but those feelings were gone, that love was nowhere to be found. It had all left you – and now you had to leave too.

While Jack was away with the team, you packed your bags. Years together had accumulated a lot of shared belongings, and in what felt like a haze you picked up only the things that you knew Jack wouldn’t claim as his own. Years together melted down into a few bags, a couple of suitcases, and half a dozen boxes. Everything that had once symbolised your life together, reduced to essentially nothing. Nothing. Staring at the pile by the front door only made you feel even more hollow, like you were cracked open without anything holding back the aching in your chest, and it was all you could do to retreat back to the bedroom you’d once shared, tearing a page out of a notepad Jack always left on his nightstand.

It didn’t feel enough, writing him a goodbye letter. It didn’t feel enough and yet there was nothing more you could do in this moment. You couldn’t call him – you knew he would be too busy to answer. And if he did answer, what good would that do with him down in California with the team? He couldn’t come back and you couldn’t bear the thought of him asking you to stay. Or not asking you to stay at all. Texting him felt too bland, even if it would be as impassionate as you felt right now. A sentence typed out on a phone felt too impersonal for all the memories you had together, the ones that you’d been clinging to longer than you could remember. Not saying anything at all would just be cruel, and as much as your relationship had reduced to wisps of air, he deserved more than that.

That didn’t mean it hurt any less to write down your thoughts on the page. As you struggled to write out the words that’ll end everything, all the missing emotions slammed into your chest, both stabbing and twisting in sharp agony, and overwhelming you like a tidal wave, leaving you stranded in shock as you struggled to breathe. A high keening noise filled your ears, and it wasn’t until you gasped for a jagged breath that you realised the noise was clawing out from your own throat. Tears trailed down your cheeks, obscuring your vision as your writing continued on, shaky in this final act to sever what remained between the two of you. Tears. These tears were the first you’d shed, and they felt like a river cascading down your face, dripping off your chin, stinging your eyes. An unending river draining your emotions from your body for what felt like hours, until you were left gasping for breath with a red puffy face, washed out and dried out like a husk.

But it was done. With your final words to him, you let your heart start to let him go, head swimming with the dull throb of losing the boy that had been your rock for so long, your safe space. Where were you supposed to go from here? What were you supposed to do without him? It was overwhelming, finally knowing what it was like to be alone, having nothing to hold onto. But you’d been alone for a while, in truth, and it took the last of your willpower to leave the note on your pillow for him to find, for whenever he returned home. With one last look at the bed the two of you shared, the ache in your heart almost too much to bear, you left, walking away from the life you once shared with Jack into a future that you had no idea what to do with.

But it was for the best. It had to be.

~

Dear Jack,

If you’re reading this, I’m already gone. I’ve loved you, and I’ve lost you. I don’t know when but it hurts like hell. What we had has been over for a while and I don’t think either of us knew how to change that. So I’m changing that for us. Someone has to, before we wind up hating each other and I can’t bear the thought of poisoning the happy memories we shared. I know you must hate me right now, but in time you’ll thank me for walking away when both of us should’ve left a long time ago I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as we once were.

Take care of yourself x

~

Tagging a few who might like this: @wyattjohnston @starshine-hockey-girl @senditcolton​ @fallinallincurls​ @thebookofmags​ @sorryjustafangirl @jostyriggslover96​ 

[444-athena]

To Him.

warnings: pedophilia (if i missed any please tell me!)

I was gonna write this on paper, keep it on theme with all my other notes. but they were crushes that normally ended up with nothing happening. You're different, and it makes me feel sick.

You make me feel sick. How you could do all of that with me and then walk away like nothing happened. How you continued not only showing up at other sessions but MY SESSION and acting like nothing was wrong, like we didn't do anything in the front seats of your car.

That fucking car man. And how I cant see a black and red car, or a ford fiesta, without feeling cold all over, like I'm back there in that car where all of that happened. Where you did things that no twenty two year old should have done with a sixteen year old.

At least it only happened in the car once right? But it didn't did it? You weren't happy with once, or one place. No it happened four fucking times and once was at my fucking WORK. We stood in the back and after E--- walked in, i had to pretend like nothing had happened. As if a few minutes before you didnt ask me to get on my fucking knees as if no one could catch us. K----- was there that night. She's fucking 11. She could've walked in. But hey, makes it more fun right?

Fun. That's all it ever was to you. For me I actually thought you liked me back. How fucking pathetic that was to think. And how you made me believe it too. With all your fucking reassuring words and all of your texts, what seemed like your full attention. But you got bored of me. Fair enough, since theres probably girls your own age who would be better for you. I always noticed how your snap score would magically go up over 40 in a night even though not one of those were to me.

It fucking hurt. Knowing that all you ever wanted me for was a quick shag. And when i made it clear i didnt want that, you stopped the attention. And some fucked up part of me debated on giving you what you wanted, just for more of your attention. It fucking hurt so much i cried over it. I cried over you, and you probably never even gave me a second thought.

Do you though? When you see me, do you remember those times as much as i do? Do they fill you with a sense of dread and unease like they do for me? Probably not.

It seems like you dont give a shit if you hurt me or not, only if you got caught.

you tried getting me to lie to my fucking best friend for you. I couldn't do that though, of course E--- knew from the start. You're so stupid to think she didn't. You only told me not to because you like having the control and you cant have that if other people know. you dont have control of what they say and who they could tell.

You make me sick. Because when i look at you all I can think about is the words you told me in the car, your face so close the mine, the words you typed to me late at night, when I still thought you cared about what i had to say.

But I dont just think about that. because I know what you did to other girls. J---, I----, D----, H----. and theyre just the ones I know about. Who's to say theres not more? Fuck, they're the only underage ones i know about. and the 17 year old from when you were 21.

J---, 17 and you shagged her, then threatened her best friend to not tell anyone, saying she'd be fired from her only job.

I----, 16 and you found her facebook and followed her to her ice skating. Twice youve done that now. She's even sent a picture of you there to the group before.

D-----, 15 and you touched her in the tits "accidentally" 8 times since fucking JULY. 7 months.

H-----, 14 and you did the same a few times to her.

17, 16, 16, 15, 14. It goes up to an 8 year difference here. How fucking young are you willing to go? How sad is your fucking life that you resort to this?

How do you sleep at night, knowing what you've done is beyond me. When I got told the stories over text i thought i was about to throw up. I felt so bad for the girls. But I also feel bad for me now. because now I realise how bad that situation was.

So I just want to ask, when you see me, do you feel any guilt at all? Do you feel sorry for what you did? You know it was wrong, you told me you could go to prison for "those jokes" even though we both know they weren't jokes and you meant what you said to me. You said the same to D----, saying "sorry D--- i could go to prison for that" making jokes like that after touching up a 15 year old at 22. Just sickening.

Do you feel any guilt at all? Or are you just afraid that someday you might go too far, do this shit with a girl who will tell someone and that you'll finally get caught for the piece of shit you are?

I hope you do get caught one day. And I hope I'm there to see your life crumble. You think your so untouchable but really all it takes is for 5 teenage girls to tell someone who will believe them to completely fuck your life over.

Fuck you and your fucking ford fiesta. One day I hope I can see one without feeling sick.

Go and fuck yourself E------.

[landofourwins]

Really appreciate the essay, thank you so much for giving me your time.

I may have time admit that since I am Italian I initially felt like a “need”(?) to cheer for Charles, and at the start it almost also worked fine. I was like, yuppie Ferrari yeah, and then I just let myself be a little mire unbiased and realised that I just- his racing didn’t really do anything to me.

I looked at Carlos, I felt like the literal rainbow could shine out of his car when he was driving because oh God! The simplest explanation as to why I love Carlos is that he is such an intelligent and strategical driver that for a silly girl like me who has some difficulties with getting a hang on the technical part of F1 he is the best driver to understand what it actually means to race.

I can’t tell you if that front wing design is good or bad for the life of me, but I can tell you with certainty that Carlos flipping through a pantone magazine to decide how much pressure he should put on his brakes and tyres in Silverstone 2024 is one of the hottest things I have ever seen.

Charles doesn’t give me that, I can objectively see that he is a tremendously talented driver but I think he relies too much on that without realising that F1 isn’t just Ferrari’s pitwall making decisions for him. When he said “I’m going to start thinking for myself” my first thought was that, don’t worry Charles, Ferrari is already thinking about you and just you, the real problem is that you should think “by yourself” which is different.

This year Lando started giving me the same feeling as Carlos, which is the reason why I started liking him so much. And to be fair, I feel much more comfortable in blogs dedicated to Carlos/Lando than blogs dedicated to Charles.

The latter always look like there must be a divine intervention of some sorts, while I prefer the critical thinking, I prefer taking about the strategies and reading the data and thinking about what could’ve been done in millions hypothetical scenarios.

I literally saw someone say that Charles got angry at Carlos after the race because he wanted a possibility to stay closer on the track to Max(?).

Like, what the hell?

Babe this is a sport, it’s not yandere simulator.

So, again, your blog makes me feel comfortable and happy and so thank you for your answer.

Even if I am writing in anon I want to specify that J am not completely against Charles, I am against the santification of Charles and lestappen, I am against the hate other drivers get because of Charles, I am against Charles when his actions and words become disrespectful to other drivers or even his own team mechanics, something that Lando never did and yet he is being accused of.

You could say anything about Lando, that perhaps some of his answers were immature or that he should’ve thought twice before speaking, alright. But he always held Max with high respect (he said it a billion times, and Max is still so proud of him and talks good about him so I don’t see why we shouldn’t believe it) and he always thanked his team and brought the fault to himself even when it wasn’t his own (e.g. Hungary).

Charles… well, this last weekend speaks for itself.

Thank you ❤️ (sorry for the essay 😭)

no thank YOU for letting me write an essay and yap my heart out!!

i didn't have anything like that, the last time a driver from my country raced was before i was even born, so like yeah. here it's a huge toss up of fans, like of course mainly ferrari, merc, mclaren and red bull.

the men mostly red bull. the young people mclaren. the old white duded ferrari. and merc some other older but not young people. but yeah, most people i've met (the three f1 fans at my school, my cousins and such) are mclaren fans strangely enough.

shit i'm yapping again sorry!! but i do understand feeling the need to cheer for him giving you're italian!!

i'm not saying charles is a bad driver, but like there are better people for sure (ahem carlos). but like when i got into the sport i also like tried to make myself like charles (and lestappen), but like as time went on i just couldn't.

yes!! carlos appreciation!! i stand by the opinion that no matter who ferrari dropped, they would have been in the shit. but carlos, he's just got something special that few others have.

carlos is definitely an amazing driver and just like overall: smart, if that makes sense.

i have really seen only one lando/carlos blog that's isn't really amazing. but other than that, i'd say lando/carlos blogs are the more welcoming ones. i've talked about this with a friend multiple times, but we only pick fights when you say something about our driver, i'd say we mostly keep to ourselves (till i'm pissed and start instigating)

but i do agree, this little circle of tumblr lando specifically blogs have my heart, it's to me a community like no other. yapping again sorry!!

that reminds me of people trying to constantly bring lestappen shit onto track. "oh look how they fought they're so in love" no babes, no.

I LOVE THAT "this is a sport, not a yandere simulator" people absolutely need to start realizing that omfg, i love rpf as much as the next person. but let's look at a key word here fiction. it's not real. two drivers aren't fucking.

awww thank you for that, it makes me happy to know at least one person is comfortable on my blog 💕💕

i get that, but i am completely against sharl. i said this in a post once i think. but i liked sharl when i first got into the sport, then in spain (i think) he threw me off a bit. tried to ignore it. and i'll be honest here, i was happy when he won monza cause i was so pissed at oscar and i was like well if lando can't win it i don't fucking want oscar to, so yeah, i'll take a sharl win above that.

and then, good lordy, vegas. i feel i've said enough about that, but i just decided to fully put on my anti sharl cloak and go with it.

again, double standards!!

none of the drivers think twice before speaking. i know for a fact everyone on that grid has said worse shit than lando and NEVER were crucified for it.

this last weekend definitely does. and i'm happy his true colours finally showed.

no again, thank YOU!!! i love essays and please continue leaving them!! 💞💞

[issie-https]

Can you write smut hcs with Kurt

A-Z Headcanons

Kurt Cobain X Reader

A/n: hi everyone! Sorry I've been inactive for a few days, I'm working on all your requests❤️ Also, I found out the person that I like(romantically) likes me back!

Word count: 1034

Warnings: smut!!

Masterlist

༺✩༻

A - Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He's an absolute angel when it comes to aftercare. Never wants you to feel bad and also never wants to feel bad himself. He wouldn't go ott but back rubs and words of affirmation are always in store for you both.

B - Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and their partner's)

He loves his hair, who doesn't?! It took a bit of convincing from you but after a while he finally realised you were right.

He loves everything about you. This man is a worshipping machine!

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

If you're not familiar with the rumour, Kurt used to "varnish" his paintings with his cum so... I don't think he has a problem with it🤷‍♀️

D - Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

This man thinks about you 24/7 and he 1000% gets a boner from it. Not really a dirty secret but he is low-key obsessed w you.

E - Experience (how experienced are they)

I feel like he's experienced but because he respects women, if that makes sense. He's done his research let's say.

F - Favorite Position (self explanatory)

Literally any. He just wants you both to feel good and if it's missionary, fine. If it's standing up, fine.

G - Goofy (are they more silly or serious in the moment)

Depends again. If he wants to be goofy and crack jokes, he 100% will. But if he wants to be serious & romantic, he will be.

H - Hair (how well groomed are they)

Cannot decide. He might shave but also might just leave it, depends if he feels like it in the shower.

I - Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Our romance king❤️ he loves to be romantic. If you want to be rough, he will rough it up a little bit he prefers to be romantic. Defo holds hands during sex😩🫶

J - Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)

Turns him on if he catches you masturbating. If he wants to, he will but he prefers to do it with you. Like, it's not his first resort but it it comes to it then he will rub one out.

K - Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dirty talk, public sex, maybe a slight breeding kink?, face sitting, mirror sex. I was thinking about kinks that Kurt might have but with him being a feminist and just a gut feeling, I didn't add them to the immediate list. I was thinking stuff like spanking, bondage, S&M or stuff like that but I honestly don't think he'd be all that into it.

L - Location (favorite place to do the do)

Bed. He isn't vanilla but he likes the closeness of being together in bed. It makes him feel safe with you. Also maybe the kitchen on the worktop or table🤷‍♀️ also wouldn’t say no to a little shower sex here and there🤫

M - Motivation (what gets them going)

Anything you do. That man worships you like you're a fucking goddess! You could be wearing the baggiest of baggy clothes(Adam Sandler) and have super greasy hair and have fucked up makeup and he's got a boner because of you.

N - NO (something they won't do, turn offs)

Anything that would hurt you. He was the most sweetest soul on this fucking planet so you can't change my mind that he wouldn't want to hurt you. Might make an exception if you ask him to spank you🤫

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skills)

Prefers to go down on you and make you feel good because it makes him feel worth it. Wouldn't say no if you sucked him off once in a while🤷‍♀️

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual)

Fast and sensual. Cannot change my mind.

Q - Quickie (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex)

Prefers to have long, drawn out sex. Wouldn't say no to a quickie backstage though.

R - Risk (are they game to experiment)

Depends on what youse are experimenting with. If you're doing a new position, he's down asf. If it's something riskay, slightly hesitant but he wouldn't say no.

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go for)

If it's a time where he's slept well, can go for hours until you tap out. If he didn't get the best sleep, prefers one good round then will cuddle with you.

T - Toy (do they own toys? Do they use them?)

Probably has some vibrators for you. Likes when you use them on yourself if he's on tour nor away from you.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Doesn't love it. He might tease you by pretending to fuck you when you bend down to grab something or something like that.

V - Volume (how loud are they)

Have you heard Kurt? He's either grunting or moaning until the birds die. He will never be silent because he likes you to know you're making him feel good.

W - Wild Card (get a random headcanon)

Probably brags to Dave and Krist about him having sex with you. In relation to that, during interviews or stuff like that, he mentions you constantly(probs not sex stuff). Always saying stuff to Dave and Krist like, "we had sex last night, it was amazing". And in interviews he's like, "so my wife/fiancée/girlfriend, Y/n" or "y/n, my wife/gf/fiancée". Always brags about you no matter what.

X - X-Ray (let's see what's going on in those pants)

Not giant but not tiny. It's enough to satisfy you and make you see stars but not too much to the point where you need a new liver, yk.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive)

Always horny. He doesn't always have a boner but he is 24/7 horny. If you tell him that you're horny, he then gets a boner.

Z - ZZZ (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards)

Once again, if he slept well the night before, he stays awake and lets you sleep on his chest while he smokes a cigarette but if he got a shits night sleep, he's out like a fucking light.

[heyyallitssatan]

So I saw a headcanons about Janus being colour blind, and when he lies he can see colour for a minute, but no one else knows about it

So here’s my headcanons for how the dark boyfriends sides found out below the cut

Remus and Virgil were watching Disney conspiracy theories on YouTube when Janus came down to see what all the ruckus was about.

As it turned out they had since moved on from Disney conspiracy theories and were currently watching “Ultimate Trump Fail Compilation”. They were dying of laughter when they noticed Janus standing there staring at them.

They pulled him onto the couch and rewinded to the last clip, and watched Janus as he watched.

He fought back a smirk as he said in his usual deadpan tone, “Well that wasn’t the highlight of my day.”

They died, right then and there, all over again, Janus brand of deadpan sarcasm had always managed to get them going, especially when they were already giggly.

And with that one little lie, Janus saw something he had never seen before; Virgil’s eyeshadow had turned purple.

With every lie that Janus told, he got to experience colour vision for a moment, something he lacked the rest of the time, and given that, along with how little Virgil relaxed enough to make a colour change, this was the first time he had ever seen it.

“Virgil, your eyeshadow, it’s… purple.”

He had scrunched his face up in a look of confusion, something that Virgil’s over analysing brain took to mean he didn’t like it, as such, the eyeshadow started to lose its newfound colour, which Janus didn’t notice, thinking it was just his vision fading.

Remus popped up right in time to almost save it, “Of course it is J-anus”

And in a small, vulnerable voice, Janus asked, “Has it always been purple?” As he looked away from Virgil.

“Of course not Janny, only when he’s happy, and the storm cloud over there doesn’t do that often,” Remus responded, indicating to Virgil, who was still confused and staring silently.

The smallest ‘oh’ escaped his lips, as he stared down at the ground.”

“How could you not know that, it might be rare but he’s done it around us plenty enough for you to notice, I mean, even I did.”

While was faltering for words to write this off, some suave lie that would get him out of this and show him if there were any other colours he had missed Virgil seemed to at least somewhat piece together part of the puzzle.

“…You’ve never seen it change, have you?”

“No.”

“How have you never looked at me long enough to see it?”

“What? No, it’s not that, it’s not that at all, the truth is…”

“Come on Jan, tell us.”

“…I’m not colour blind.”

“Oh Jan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” came from Virgil at the same time as Remus’, “Why the hell didn’t you tell us?”

“I…don’t know. I just…”

Virgil sighed, “It’s okay Jan, we can talk about it later, for now, let’s just watch the video.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what we should do.”

“Ok then, you want to explain?”

“…Yes.”

“C’mon work with us here, we gotta pick something.”

“Yea J-anus, explain, we’re just dying to know,” Remus responded as he mimicked some strange death scene, maybe Romeo?

“Fine…I’m not colour blind, and when I lie I can’t see colour.”

“Oh Jan…”

“Don’t, don’t pity me.”

“It’s not pity J-anus, he’s beating himself up for never realising, something he should stop doing before I turn in a brain eating amoeba a feat all the bad thoughts.”

“You are the bad thoughts?”

“Oh…I’ll eat myself then, starting now!”

“Yes of course Remus, you absolutely should,” Janus drawled out while he pulled Remus’ hand out of his mouth.

The night continued similarly, important conversations being had in between bouts of goofing off, mostly from Remus. He did it whenever one of them started thinking too much, they’d always had a bad habit of that, but it seemed to work, so he kept doing it.

Eventually all of the necessary explanations and talking had happened, and now they had to decide what to do. So naturally they chose for Janus to tell blatant lies over and over, so that he could see different colours they were showing him. It became a game of them describing the colours to him, then showing him, which seemed to make him laugh quite a bit. They also discover that when one of them lied Janus could see their colours, like their hair and clothes.

But of all the talking they had done that night, they had never really brought up Virgil’s eyeshadow again, but it stayed purple the rest of the night, and they realised that the white strike in Remus’ hair could glow radioactive green when he got excited.

At the end of the night, which was actually the beginning of the morning, they had shown Janus all of the colours they could imagine, so they asked him which was his favourite. He responded, in a quiet tired voice while he stared up at them from whatever strange pile they had found themselves in, where limbs went numb and melded together and no one really knew where they ended and someone else began, “Not purple, or green,” in an effort to see them one last time before his eyes finally slipped shut.

Virgil and Remus fell asleep just the same, but not before quietly admitting they they quite like yellow too.

[meili-sheep]

Why do people write diluc to be this stupid character that has no common sense? They write him as this person that doesn't know what he's doing...

I Read this one fic where the fic goes like this, 'diluc realised his vigilante ruse was wrong, and that he should've trusted the knights. He decides to use his money to fortify mondstadt's walls.'

Why would diluc do that?! Canon diluc would never. Fortifying the walls isn't going to make the city safer.

It's going to make it more claustrophobic. I don't think Mondstadt's citizens would like it. I mean, remember Decarabian?

Let's be real, Jean is the 'stupid' character. Well, more like hasty? She's the one that suggests we summon Dvalin at DAWN WINERY!

Sorry for rambling. I hope you have a nice day. Also, I read some of your work and I like how you write diluc, childe and other characters. It's very digestible?? Like, when I read, I instantly understand what's going on.

So I think honestly if Vigilantism would ever work, it would be in Mondstadt. And I gotta be real, that's some J Jonah Jameson sounding shit. Like most things, there is nothing inherently wrong with Vigilantism, and particularly with Diluc's version of it. It's really an issue of law/chaotic good. And like I think vigilantism would work in Mondstadt because there are gonna be times when the knights fail. But there are gonna be times when Diluc fails. And I think together they could pick up slack for each others.

And also Mondstadt's walls are not an issue like… Mondstadt is a pretty well fortified city because you only really have very few methods of access, So it's not like the walls could be attack on all sides. Mondstadt is pretty sturdy defense wise.

Like the Dawn Winery is in a little more trouble but Diluc's there so ya.

As for Jean I don't think she's necessarily Stupid. Hasty, yeah I'd agree. But she's too eager to please and doesn't seem to know the word 'delegate.' Which when you are a leader you have to delegate work, and you can't micromanage stuff. Which is seems like Jean might do. I don't think any of this makes her a bad character by the way I think it makes her flawed and more interesting and gives her room to grow but Genshin isn't really set up where we can see that story.

But thank you! I'm glad you enjoy yourself here! I keep doing my best!

[lia-land]

House of Earth and Blood

4.5/5 stars

*Spoilers for House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas.

This book is 4.5 stars overall because I enjoyed the pacing, but the last 10% or so was more like 3 stars.

First, I have no idea what the world building is about, but I still really liked the story (I read this amazing Reddit post for a summary of the world building after finishing the book). I don’t think the world building needed to be this complicated. I would have been just as immersed even with 40% less detail. I don’t know why I had no idea who the Asteri were until the Summit. I just assumed Micah was like Supreme President or something. I didn’t realise there were only 7 Asteri until I read that Reddit post. Or is there 6 now? I gave up on even trying to understand how the situation with the human war overseas fit into everything. No idea what that is about but I’m assuming it will become relevant later. I think a big part of the confusion is from how we’re given so much information all at once, rather than being given it when it’s necessary. For example, when Bryce summoned Aidas like halfway or so through the book and we get told about the hierarchy of Hel and where Aidas fits into it. It was relevant then, instead of being given to us as random information at the beginning of the book. It’s the same level of confusing as the Throne of Glass family trees. I started this book 4 days before my law dissertation was due and the dissertation used less of my brain power than understanding this world building did.

Danika and Connor’s deaths were so well written! The whole part before the two year time skip was brilliant. Same vibe as when a movie has a very long intro and you just don’t know it. I really did not see the deaths coming, especially so early on in the book. SJM did such a good job of setting the characters up. I was so invested in Danika’s life and was even a bit annoyed at how predictable it seemed that Connor and Bryce would be endgame. I was so happy to be wrong.

I was slightly put off when I found out it’s another detective trope, but it was executed well, and then it became another cliche detective/murder mystery that is linked to an illegal drug. Again, I enjoyed it, but it’s been done so many times and I expected more from SJM.

The only part that I was bored was towards the very end during all the fighting scenes with the demons in the city after the portals opened. It also felt a little bit awkward picturing everyone at the Summit watching Bryce fight. I couldn’t stop imagining a Hunger Games situation. Particularly from the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie. The helicopter pages were especially boring and just too action packed for my liking.

I think I would have enjoyed the whole thing about Bryce secretly having starlight a lot more if I hadn’t read Throne of Glass before this series. I’m so bored of SJM making a plot point out of the main character knowing something big that the reader doesn’t. I just don’t think she has ever executed it well (except maybe at the beginning of A Court of War and Ruin if we count that); it always seems too convenient and lazy. I can never get too immersed in SJM’s books because I know that as readers, we never have all the information, so even the near death scenes will never actually end up bad. Personally, it would make my reading experience so much better if she stopped pulling this lazy tactic because she doesn’t want anything truly bad to happen to her characters. Or at least give us all the information and then write a less lazy plot. I think she just didn’t tell us about the light because it would have been too obvious to us at the start that Danika linked Bryce to the Horn somehow and half the murder plot twist would have been diminished. I don’t understand how Bryce didn’t link that together herself since she knew that Danika knew about her light and the Horn needed it. I was so ready to give this book 5 stars until that. If it makes your story too predictable to give readers necessary information at the start, then change your plot because the light and the grinding of the horn to tattoo into Bryce’s skin was far too convenient.

I got the ick so bad when the ancient prime was talking about love being the most powerful thing in the world. If I hear that ‘through love, all is possible’ quote one more time… (update: it does indeed continue to come up in the next two books).

I think this is a rogue opinion but I want more of Prince Aidas. I’m actually really hoping we’ll get another ACOTAR situation and Bryce will end up with Aidas (Update: upon research, it seems like this isn’t actually that unpopular of an opinion). Hunt just reminds me too much of Chaol from ToG and I don’t really care for him. “Sweetheart” is so hard to read and out of character for him. I read a review on Goodreads where someone said they enjoyed Bryce and Hunt when they were interacting with any characters other than each other and that’s exactly how I feel. I am 99.9% sure the Aidas/Bryce pairing isn’t happening but I’ll keep reading for the hope of it. Even until Micah’s death, I was waiting for her to take him up on that dinner offer. I do like Bryce and Hunt together but they’re a boring pairing compared to the other possibilities. Even Bryce and Tharion would be more interesting.

[mycryptidisqueererthanyours]

WIP progress update

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I thought I would be done by now. I though, 'oh, this'll be cute. A little fucked up because I live for messed up character dynamics but short and sweet.' I underestimated the task I chose to subject myself to.

I have working on this for approximately 2 months. My Google document is now 29 pages long. I want to die /j

And I feel bad for the like five people who saw and liked my other post about my upcoming fic as this taking forever (I feel worse for my followers on Reddit; I've had a few ideas for things but nothing I've started properly writing out, poor sods). So, I'll be including another couple of snippets, the fanfic's title and a possible AU idea.

The fanfic itself is called A Star Is Just A Black Hole Waiting To Happen ([Redacted] x Recovering!Yandere) and it is a yan x yan pairing.

Here are a few more snippets to tide anyone over that actually wants to read this lol

---------

I hacked Teo’s Tesla and drove it into Lake Bluemoss.

Bullshit.

‘I did. Hold on…’ He fished his phone out his pocket and, after a few moments of inaudible muttering and tapping away, he turned it so they could see. Sure enough, displayed proudly on the screen was a picture of a half-submerged car in a lake, taken from relatively far away, with what looked suspiciously like a surprisingly panicked Teo in the background. ‘Told you,’ he crowed, triumphantly. 

----------

They reached up and carefully carded calloused fingers through his hair, revealing dark roots peeking through. Your poor hair. It must be fried to Hell and back. Please tell me you use coconut oil or-. Aster’s heart thundered in their throat, as [Redacted] leaned into the sensation, eyes fluttering shut. He gently gripped their wrist, holding them there. A silent plea for them to stay. A plea they couldn’t bring themself to refuse. Instead, all they could do was huff in amusement. Something. You really are like an overgrown cat, you know that? He said nothing, only nuzzling into them further.

And then suddenly, he pitched forward. Only for you. He burrowed themself against their shoulder, breath ghosting against their neck. Only ever f’you.

They leaned their head against his, fingers idly toying with the baby hairs on the nape of his neck. I know. I know.

---------

How did you want to crush her? He goaded. He was greedy. He needed to hear this.

Their lips curled in displeasure and, in the low gloom, their grimace looked like it was filled with blood-rimmed teeth.

‘I wanted to throttle her. Maybe slam her head into the fucking concrete.’ There was something bright and brilliant and vicious in their eyes, blazing like a supernova, as their nails dug into his cardigan. Spittle and acid pooled in their mouth. Before their eyes widened with realisation and they composed themself again. They bowed their head to hide their face, as they felt it heat up and crumple in embarrassment. Horror and shame curled in their stomach at their sudden outburst. ‘Sorry.’ (fix)

Don’t apologise, he soothed. His tone was agonisingly warm and promised patience as dauntless and unending as the void. It made Aster’s head hurt. Y’have nothing to apologise f’r. You know I would do the same for you.

(They stared at his jumper, the cable knit pattern suddenly deeply fascinating. Knitting had never made sense to them. Nor had he.

-----------

And an AU idea: I'm thinking of writing a Magnus Archives!AU, with [Redacted] being an avatar of the Spiral. I was originally thinking the Web, given his manipulative tendencies and canonical liking of spiders, but I think the Spiral would be more in line with canon abilities. These include distorting his appearance, the world around him and the overall narrative. He doesn't merely manipulate, he deceives. So, it seems like a better fit but feel free to disagree. Instead, maybe he can be deeply marked by the Web (and possibly the Eye, given his whole thing for surveillance cameras and keeping constant tabs on Angel) as a little treat :)

I am really sorry this is taking way longer than I expected. I hope this doesn't disappoint anyone when it comes out, even if it is just because of wait time alone lol Or shitty writing. More likely shitty writing.

[transfemlogan]

plz teach me how to start writing smth /silly

i want to write a fic but idk how to start lol

-rauberrauber

I WILL TELL U MY WRITING PROCESS (BADLY EXPLAINED) @rauberrauber

STEP ONE: THE IDEA PHASE !!!

Come up w/ an idea & then write it down like. Halfassedly. Like my current fic was written down as "Logan transforms in2 a wolf on a full moon & virgil stays w/ him & makes a potion or whatever 2 keep the pain away & then he just turns in2 a dogy" (exact quote) & then was added onto 2 make my outline

This is my current outline (censored just so you guys dont. Get spoiled 4 everything that happens in the fic HEHDKDN) its just a lot of like rambling, trying 2 get everything in ordsr

REVYS TIP: MAKE SURE YOU ARE DAY DREAMING ABOUT YOUR IDEA NONSTOP. /silly whenever I try to write something when I haven't thought about how it'll go while I'm doing a chore or listening to music or falling asleep, the idea will never ever come out bcuz I have no idea what I'm even trying to do.

STEP TWO: THE PLANNING PHASE !!

Start planning ! I use Notion 2 organise everything, but i used 2 use my notes app 4 the longest time (& sometimes still do if I am too lazy to open my computer).

I write down a basic summary of my plot, how many chapters there are if its a chaptered fic, the characters & relationships, a timeline if its needed, a to-do list (ex. Research [insert thing], give the characters last names, create the timeline, etc), a list of what I need 2 research (& then keeping track of everything I research), title ideas, world building, etc etc

My planning phase is like... A Lot of work bcuz i really like to plan! It is my favourite part of any creative work i do, bcuz there is something wrong w/ me /j /silly.

This is sort of what my notion page looks like for "To The Tune Of Your Death". I also have a page for character info, like pronouns & ages & genders & races & relationships w/ each other, & two separate timelines with exact years and days (bcuz it is very much needed 4 this entire au). One for the main fic timeline (like when Janus dies and when Logan and Virgil start dating) AND one for background information (like their parents divorces, bcuz it unforrunately relates to the fic)

REVYS TIP: DO NOT GET SCARED BY HOW MUCH PLANNING I DO. it is entirely a me thing. I have yet to meet anyone who plans as much as I do & enjoys it like I do.

STEP THREE: THE WRITING PHASE !!

Note: the writing & planning phase overlay each other A Lot. You are going to start writing & then pause 2 keep planning or u will be planning & realise you need to start writing to Continue to plan. This is very normal, esp if ur researching for a disability or a race— you will not do research One Time & know everything immediately.

START WRITING!!! I always have like 7-10 drafts & I'm usually rewriting as I write. I use CalmyWriter to write on my computer and then I transfer it to discord so I can have it on my phone. I also use my notes apps a lot of the time! Bcuz its easy to just write on my phone anywhere than wait 2 use my laptop. I avoid google docs, simply bcuz i absolutely hate google docs (& it usually lags real bad 4 me)

(I do however transfer everything to google docs once I am done, bcuz i like 2 share my fics w/ ppl who want 2 beta!)

When I start my first draft (which u will always have a first draft) I am not at all focused on grammar, spelling, or "good writing", I'm focused on getting the idea down & the basic flow of events & following my outline (unless it needs to be revised). Literally my first drafts are so awful & thats the point.

Its usually very like (example): Virgil walked to the store and he bought this. [Insert what he bought as it relates to what he will be doing later] logan said hi to him he is blushing & gay. They arw talking. [Skip kissing scene] janus dies yayyy yippee

Thats what my 1st drafts r like. & then either once I am done, or while I am writing, I'll start revising. I will go back and rewrite scenes or add scenes in or move stuff around. Sometimes I have my 1st draft side by side with my revision & sometimes I go off memory

& once I am done w/ my revision... I do it all over again. & then again. & then I keep doing that until its finished.

I always keep my sketchbook & a pen/pencil by me while I am writing, incase I need to make a quick note of something for later or if I need to sketch out a layout of somehing (for example, I stopped to layout Virgil's witchcraft/office room while writing tge analogical fic)

STEP FOUR: UM. THE REST... OF IT ALL PHASE !!

I title my fic (if it hasnt been titled already), I create a summary for AO3, I send it out for my friends who want to beta, I reread it like 50 times & go "wow I am so good at writing", I create drafts on tumblr & ao3 and make sure its tagged correctly & the correct ppl r @ ed if i had a taglist of some sort etc etc

Any of my fics (or art) that you see get posted, were 100% in my drafts for like 3 hrs b4 they were posted bcuz i kept going through it and making sure everything is good (esp bcuz i cross post on tumblr & ao3)

& that is... pretty much my entire writing process broken down.

I think one of the scariest parts of starting to write for me personally was the first draft part. I always felt like it needed to be good IMMEDIATELY or else i wasnt being a "good writer". But most, if not all, writers dont start off "writing good", they start off with a shitty rough draft. & then keep revising & rewriting.

The best advice i have ever seen was "just start it", bcuz if ur so caught up on writing well, nothing will ever get done. Just GO START IT RIGHT NOW GO QUICKLY RUN!!!!!! RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!! WRITE !!!!!!!!