#never change cill

[hello-god-its-me-sara]

He just *does* this

My mom: it’s cuz he’s so short

[clus444]

Love and Deepspace p2

Sylus x Black!reader (Ofc anyone can read)

I stand by this ending lmao. But i really didn't know how to end it. Anywaysss, enjoy!Slightly edited! ---------------------------------------------------

*NIP NIP NIP*

I groan as I shift my head to my window. I blink a few times to get the blurry spots out of my eyes.

*NIP NIP NIP*

"What the...," I sit up and huff," What," I zombie walk my way to open the window. I feel a light breeze pass through, close my eyes, and breathe in the air. (So dreamyy)

*Cawk Cawk* Mephisto hops up and down to get my attention. It's impatiently waving a paper between his little but sharp beak.

"It's too early for this amount of attitude," I grasp the paper from his beak, a little harsher than intended. The paper is an off-creme color, folded and wax-sealed, red with a crow-shaped pendant in the middle. Mephisto taps his beak on the window cill and turns his face to the side to focus his eye.

I hide the smile threatening to come out at Mephisto's actions. Despite his butt face of an owner, Mephisto can be good company. I stand up with my left knee cracking a little(It's a real problem.)I go to my kitchen, go straight to my drawers, and grab a quarter I had. I return to my bedroom and put the coin on the window sill," Now get off my property."

*CawkCawk*

  I sit on my bed and open the letter.

   -You've had time to calm down. Now, unblock me.

             -Sylus

   P.S. Forgiveness does not change the past, my love, but allow it to enlarge our future.

Rendition of Paul Boese

I scoff at whatever I just read. Space? I have no proof, but over this past week, I have felt someone's eyes on me when I'm walking home from work, or when I'm on a mission with Xavier, don't even remind me of when I had to meet up with the twins to get my stuff.

  I'll drop dead before I admit this to them but I will miss them. They always made me laugh, included me in things so I wouldn't feel left out, and picked up the pieces from some of Sylus and my earlier fights.

  I go through my morning routine, trying to give myself time to feel hungry to eat some breakfast. I'm going to get over Sylus. Whether It's to get under someone else or egg Sylus's house to get some petty revenge for my heart. I finish up in the bathroom and head downstairs for a light breakfast of fruit loops. I decide to be extra, adding strawberries and a little honey on the side.

  When I finish I almost cross the hallway to the living room but stop when a knock sounds. I head for the door and look through the peephole. Annoyance crawled up dug its way into my ass and burrowed in my head. " What do you want," I question Sylus's smug face at my door. He stops leaning on my door and walks me back into my house, closing the door with his foot as a locking sound catches my attention.

   He backs me to a wall," You took too long to unblock me. I wanted to apologize the right way, but you just...," he trails off looking me up and down. I shiver under his gaze but fix him with a glare. He smirks as he leans down and brushes our lips together. I turn my face away from him.

   "Do I look like a pawn shop? You can't just flash me a pretty smile and think I'll give you my jewels," I push on his shoulders to get some distance. He backs up with a puzzled look on his face," Wouldn't I be the pawn dealer since I give you all of my money, or are you the pawn dealer because I want..." He trails off but quickly follows up by moving his hand to cup my heat.

   Now...I never claimed to be the world's strongest soldier. I also value the saying actions speak louder than words. So! Just as anyone else, who could deny being princess carried to my bed, laid on my back, and shorts hastily off. He pushes my legs apart and up. He kisses my thighs before backing up and smacking my cheek. I yelp as I glare at him, a warning on the tip of my tongue.

   He leans down to my pussy and presses a kiss to my folds, where my clit lays. His tongue slides out of his mouth and softly licks my clit. I roll my eyes as I threaten him in my head, to not tease for long. He smirks at my shiver and looks up to connect eyes. He slowly licks up from my hole up to my clit. My hip buck as my breath gets caught in my throat." I'll give you three reasons to forgive me," is all he says as he blows on my clit and starts lightly sucking it. I push my hips down towards his mouth as he hungrily eats me out.

     My legs clench around his head and I hear an annoyed huff before he wraps an arm around my hips to pin me to the bed. He stations his other hand on my thigh and pushes down so, my folds part and show my flowing juices. "Be good for me, kitten." He dives back into my flowing abyss. My back arches as I whimper," Jus'...like tha'," I moan. He feasts with a hunger I hadn't seen in him before. He pulls back and takes his hand on my thigh and uses it to draw quick circles on my clit.

  " I neglected my poor kitten and instead of licking her wounds clean, I poured salt in them," I'm wet enough that he's able to slide two long, thick fingers into me. He pumps slowly before picking up speed and curling his fingers towards my spot. "ahh...ha," my mouth hangs open as I feel my peak coming strong. A pressure building in my lower abdomen. He takes his fingers out before sucking the liquid on his fingers. His eyes close in pleasure and takes them out.

   He starts drinking from my hole like a man that was left in the middle of nowhere. "P-pleasee... D-on't stop," I cry out as he attacks my clit. My body tenses as my peak hits me. My body spasms against him but Sylus just grips tighter and continues to swirl his tongue on my clit. I whine and whimper, "S... stylus." I begin squirming and my hole clenches around nothing. He pauses his minstriations," Color? If you want to stop I will, I can make it up to you in other ways." I suck in deep breaths.

   I blink at him and think about it. While yes, I would like to get head and possibly fucked into the sheets. The problem is still there and the haze of sex is covering it. "Green... But as much as I want to continue. I want us to talk it out," I feel a sense of vulnerability in the air. I shift uncomfortably from it but don't shed away from his eye contact. My heart picks up speed as he lets my legs down. He rubs my thighs and sits beside me on the bed," Let's talk kitten."

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 43)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap,

Over the next few weeks, Cillian seemed to be in a better mood, and, if anything, he was even more affectionate than he had ever been before. He showered you with compliments and affection, making you feel loved and cherished. And yet, you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that something was off. He was acting weird lately and you were not entirely sure why. 

"I am just over this Award stuff already, you know. I am sorry," Cillian muttered after you had asked him once again one night he was visiting you and, since you knew how much he hated all this publicity and travelling around, you didn't push the topic any further. 

"I know you do, but you only have five or so more ceremonies to go," you teased him, trying to put a smile on his face.

"Yeah, and I can't wait until they are over," he replied with a huff. "Fuck, I am getting too old for this shit."

You laughed, but you could sense the weariness in his voice. You knew that acting was his passion, but sometimes, it seemed as if the constant travelling and promotions were taking a toll on him. You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist as you looked up at him.

"You aren't that old though, Cills," you reminded him with a soft smile, your finger tracing the lines that formed between his eyebrows.  "Now tell me, how did the suit fitting go today?" you asked, changing the topic as you looked up at him, waiting for another huff of annoyance to escape his mouth. But instead, he smiled, a proper wide smile that was so bright and genuine that you couldn't help but follow suit.

"It went well, actually," Cillian said, his tone light as he leaned down to press a soft kiss on your forehead. "It's black," he then told you. "I mean they are all black, which is another thing I do not understand," he chuckled. "Why do I need a different suit for every fucking event?" Cillian groused, shaking his head slightly.

"Because you are nominated for an award at each of those events and I suppose it's important for your image?" you asked, raising an eyebrow as if challenging him. Cillian chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"I suppose, but it's so fucking wasteful," Cillian told you before pulling you even closer, knowing that, for the next few weeks, he would be away even more often than he already had been since Christmas which, due to Mara having been sick, you had spent together on your own.  "I know, but hey, you are a successful actor and everyone expects you to dress the part," you reminded him gently, even though you secretly agreed with him. You didn't like the way that the entertainment industry placed so much emphasis on appearances.

Cillian sighed but nodded, understanding that you were right. "I guess," he murmured, his arms tightening around you before he changed the topic. "I wish you and Mara could come with me to LA tomorrow," he told you softly, as he ran a hand up and down your spine.

You sighed, wishing more than anything that could be possible, but knowing it wasn't. "I know and, if Mara wasn't so little still, I probably would. It's just too hard to travel back and forth with a baby," you told Cillian before reminding him that you would be joining him for the Academy Awards next month, for which Cillian had arranged his mother to travel with you so that she could look after Mara while you attended the awards ceremony with Cillian.

He smiled at you in relief and you couldn't help but notice how much that small gesture made your heart flutter. 

The Oscars were an event that you had agreed to attend with him after him begging you to and you were extremely nervous about it. You  had never been to such a big event before, and you were worried about not fitting in. 

Being a famous actor's much younger girlfriend, you were acutely aware of the scrutiny that would be cast upon you at this glamorous event. And as you looked at yourself in the mirror every day, you couldn't help but feel self-conscious.  You looked nothing like the glamorous actresses that would be attending the awards ceremony with their equally glamorous partners. You were a young, shy, innocent woman who had just become a mother, and you couldn't help but feel out of place.

But Cillian had been nothing but supportive and encouraging, reminding you every day how beautiful and amazing you were. He had even arranged for his own stylist to dress you  for the awards ceremony, insisting that you would look stunning in whatever she picked out for you.

You smiled at the memory, your heart fluttering as you looked up at Cillian. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” you whispered, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw.

Cillian sighed, his eyes meeting yours before he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “I wish I didn’t have to go either,” he murmured, his arms tightening around you. "I much rather be here with you and Mara," he added in between kisses that stole your breath away.

"I know and I love you for that," you murmured, your fingers tracing sharp lines of tension along his sculpted jawline. "I love you so much."

He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of your breath against his lips, the weight of your body against his, and the sound of your voice saying those three words that meant the world to him. He pulled back slightly, holding your gaze for just a moment longer before his lips sought yours again, deepening the kiss.

His hands roamed over your body like a moth to a flame, finding the soft curves of your hips, the firm reason that brought sharp gasps to your lips.

You ran your fingers through his hair, the strands soft and smooth between them.

"I want you, Cillian," you whispered, breaking the kiss to let your lips glide along his cheek, tasting the salt of his skin. His chest rumbled beneath your touch and your nipples hardened with the pounding rhythm of his heart beneath your fingertips.

"Let's go upstairs," you whispered, your breath hot against his ear as you trailed your fingers down his torso.

"How could I possibly say no to you?" he asked, his breath hot against your ear as he spoke before, finally, following you upstairs.

"You can't," you giggled, sensing his arousal.  The intensity in Cillian's eyes was undeniable and, before you knew it, you found yourself in bed with him, naked  and sweaty from the anticipation.

"Fuck, you are so beautiful," Cillian said, his voice low and husky as he ran his hands up and down your body.

You could feel the heat radiating from Cillian's touch and, as his fingers roamed over your breasts, you couldn't help but moan with pleasure. You loved the way Cillian touched you, like you were the only woman in the world.

"And I love you so fucking much," Cillian groaned, leaning forward to kiss you.

His tongue delved into your mouth, tasting you as if you were the sweetest nectar.

You moaned into his mouth, your hands roaming over his back, feeling every inch of him, committing him to memory.

Cillian's arousal was evident as his cock twitched against your thigh, and you couldn't help but reach down to wrap your fingers around it. He gasped as you began to stroke him slowly, feeling the velvety softness of his cock in your hand.

"Fuck, Y/N," he groaned, breaking the kiss as he looked down at you with a desire-filled gaze.

Without releasing his cock, you rolled onto your back, pulling Cillian with you.

He moved over you, his eyes burning with need as he positioned himself at your entrance.

You could feel the tip of his cock probing at your wetness, and you moaned with anticipation, the thought alone causing a slickness that trickled down your thigh.

Cillian groaned, his hands gripping your hips, rendering you helpless as he slowly pushed inside you.

"Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good," he breathed, his hips rocking gently as he adjusted to your tight heat.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him deeper, wanting to feel all of him.

Cillian's grip tightened on your hips, and he began to move in earnest. You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close and letting go of all your inhibitions.

Cillian's fingers wound through your hair, pulling your head back and exposing your throat to his eager lips. He kissed and bit at your neck, leaving wet, red marks that made you moan with pleasure. 

"Oh god,"  you cried, writhing under him, your body begging for more as he thrust harder and faster.

Cillian's breath was hot and heavy against your skin as he panted with the exertion of pleasure, the sound of their bodies slapping together filling the room, a rhythmic, primal symphony of desire.

"Fuck, you're so tight," Cillian growled, his movements quickening as he neared his release.

"I am so close, Cillian. Don't stop,"  you begged, your words coming out in pants.

"Never," he growled, his hips snapping forward as he drove himself even deeper inside of you.

Your bodies moved in sync, a dance as old as time itself. The bed creaked beneath you, a symphony of pleasure playing out before you.

Cillian's hands gripped your hips tighter as he felt the familiar sensation of his orgasm building deep within him.

"Cillian, I'm going to come," you cried out, your fingernails digging into his shoulders.

"Come for me, baby," he growled, his thrusts becoming erratic as he felt his own climax building.

You cried out his name as your orgasm tore through your body like a tidal wave. Your muscles contracted around Cillian's cock, pulling him even deeper inside of you as he groaned in ecstasy.

Cillian's hips stuttered, and he pressed deeper into you, his orgasm slamming into him as he filled you with his seed.

You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close as you both panted and trembled in the aftermath of your intense lovemaking.

Cillian rolled onto his back, pulling you with him so that you lay sprawled across his chest, your breathing slowly returning to normal as you listened to the pounding of his heartbeat against your ear.

You could feel the sweat drying on your skin, and the ache between your legs was a constant reminder of the pleasure they had just shared.

Cillian's tongue found yours, and the two of you kissed passionately, tangling your limbs together as you savored the afterglow.

Eventually, Cillian pulled away, looking down at you with a soft, lingering stare. "I love you so much, Y/N," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you too, Cillian," you responded, your voice just as tender as his, not knowing the secret he was holding from you. 

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[kikimurphys]

Behind Closes Doors (Part 8)

Pairing: Cillian x Y/N

Warnings: Smut

Much to your luck, you hadn't crossed paths with him on set, and you busied yourself steaming the dresses and suits the actors needed for their scenes and sewing beads back onto a skirt that had ripped. By lunchtime, you were exhausted.

When you got out of work, you headed to your apartment after picking up some take-out tacos. You had been craving something spicy all day. Once inside your apartment, you took off your heels and flopped onto the couch, legs up. They were swollen from having to stand in heels all day. "Ugh, why do I insist on dressing up? I always forget how pregnant I am," you muttered to yourself. And they weren’t even that high, to be honest.

After you finished eating, you placed the dishes in the sink and got yourself a glass of juice. God, you were so in the mood for a drink right now after the day you had. You had managed to not think about Cillian all afternoon, at least not as much as you used to.

Just as you stepped into your bedroom to change into your pajamas, the doorbell rang. You froze. Who could it be at this hour? You glanced at the clock—8:45 PM. With a sigh, you put your glass down and walked to the door, hoping it wasn’t anyone who would demand too much of your time. You were really tired and began to feel hot in your long-sleeved dress, all you wanted was to go to bed. You peeked through the peephole, standing on your tiptoes, and your breath caught in your throat.

Cillian stood there, looking as disheveled and tense as you felt. God, you had totally forgotten to text him back. Your first instinct was to ignore it, pretend you weren’t home, but you knew he wouldn’t leave that easily. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

“Cillian,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “What are you doing here?”

He looked at you, his eyes filled with a mix of worry and determination. “We need to talk,” he said simply.

You stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. You led him to the living room, where you both sat down, the tension between you palpable.

“I’ve been trying to reach you,” he began, his voice soft but insistent. “You didn't respond to my text.”

“I’ve been busy,” you replied, avoiding his gaze.

Cillian nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Look. I’m sorry. I was an asshole this morning. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pressure you are under, and I feel terrible that you felt like you had to hide the fact you are pregnant from me, or to even think that I wouldn’t be a part of her life, or… yours.”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the flood of emotions his words stirred up. “I thought it would be easier if I just handled everything on my own. You have your own life, and I didn’t want to complicate things for you. You didn’t have to leave her.”

He reached to hold your hands in his. “The thing is, I wasn’t happy with her. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his confession. “Why did you do it then?” you asked quietly, confusion and sadness in your voice.

“I don’t know,” he looked away. “I thought I was doing the right thing... and I ended up hurting the one person I didn't want to hurt, and I'm terribly sorry about it.”

“You did hurt me, Cill,” you stopped and sniffed as you began to feel tears well up in your eyes. “I was so confused when you dumped me, and then when you got back with Siobhan… I felt like I meant nothing to you. It was like you just erased everything we had.”

Cillian’s grip on your hands tightened, his eyes pleading. “I never wanted to erase us. I was scared and I made a mistake, a terrible mistake. I was genuinely happy when I was with you. Please believe me, I want to be with you. I want to be with our daughter. You are the one I want.”

“Do you mean that?” You were shocked by his confession. Did he really feel the same as you? You had convinced yourself that you didn’t mean anything to him more than sex and a good time.

“Yeah,” he responded quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out to cup your cheek with his hand and gently wiped away a tear. “I love you, Y/N. And now that we have this baby on the way,” he stopped and placed a hand on your bump. You felt your baby move at his touch. “I don’t ever want to let you go again.”

Love? Did he say love?

“But what about your family? Your life? I mean—” You were still unsure and couldn’t believe his words.

“None of it means anything without you,” he said, his eyes never leaving yours. “I’m ready to tell everyone about us, about our daughter. I want to give you the place you deserve in my life. No more hiding, no more secrets.”

His words washed over you, soothing the doubts and fears that had been swirling in your mind. You searched his eyes for any sign of insincerity but found only earnestness and love.

He leaned closer and gently pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was tender, his hands holding your face in place, while your arms reached up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. You could feel the warmth of his skin, the steady beat of his heart against your chest.

As the kiss deepened, you suddenly pulled away, a mix of emotions swirling inside you. "Promise me," you said softly, locking eyes with him.

"What?" he asked quietly, his gaze searching yours.

"Promise me that you won't break my heart again," you pleaded, your voice tinged with vulnerability.

Cillian's expression softened, his fingers brushing gently against your cheek. "I promise you, Y/N," he replied solemnly, his voice filled with sincerity. "I won't ever leave you again. I love you."

He leaned in to kiss you again, this time with more passion and eagerness. Your lips moved in sync, tongues intertwining as the intensity of your desire for each other grew. Feeling his hands grip your hips, he swiftly pulled you into his lap. Straddling him, you felt the immediate rush of heat between your legs. “I love you too,” you murmured between kisses, your hands finding their way into his hair, pulling him closer to you. His hands began to caress your legs, running up and down as your dress bunched up at your hips. Every touch sent a shiver down your spine, heightening your arousal. Through your dampened panties, you could feel his growing erection press against you.

“I've missed you,” he said as his hands moved to your breasts, massaging them through the fabric of your dress, and he began to trail kisses down your neck to your cleavage. You let out a moan and began to grind against him, your need for him growing more intense with each passing second.

“I missed your moans,” he murmured, his hands moving to the hem of your dress, lifting it up. You raised your arms, allowing him to pull it over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. He took a moment to admire your body in the dim lighting of the room, his eyes filled with desire and adoration.

"I missed you too." You leaned in to give him another passionate kiss, your hands roaming over his back. He reached to unclasp your bra, and you shivered at the sensation of his fingers against your skin. The bra fell away, and his hands immediately found your breasts, kneading them gently.

You arched your back, pressing closer to him, feeling the heat of his body through the fabric of his clothes. Your hands moved to his shirt, fumbling with the buttons in your eagerness to feel his skin against yours. Finally, you managed to undo his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. Your hands explored his freckled chest, tracing the contours of his muscles. He groaned softly at your touch, his hands moving down your torso and resting on your bump. The sight of your growing stomach turned him on even more. His hands reached your panties, and his fingers slipped under the fabric, beginning to massage your wet pussy.

"You're so wet," he said between kisses.

“Just for you,” you breathed out, craving his touch. He entered a finger, and a gasp escaped your lips as he began to trail kisses down your cleavage to your breasts, teasing and nibbling your nipples.

Your eyes closed, your mouth open from the ecstasy. “Ah, I missed how you make me feel.” The sensation was everything you had been wanting. You had been so horny the last few weeks and were more sensitive than usual due to your pregnancy.

“And how do I make you feel?” he asked playfully, his breath hot on your skin. Adding another finger, he pumped in and out of you slowly as his mouth continued to work its magic on your breasts. The combination of his skilled fingers and the warmth of his mouth sent waves of pleasure coursing through you. You held onto his shoulders, rocking your hips against his hand, seeking more friction, more of him.

“Oooh, so good,” you whined, throwing your head back, your face contorted with pleasure.

He reached up to kiss you, his free hand cupping your breast and his thumb playing with your nipple as he devoured your mouth, swallowing your moans.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasped. Your movements became more erratic as you rode his hand. He curled his fingers inside you, hitting that perfect spot. "Come for me, baby," he whispered, his voice low and commanding.

The intensity of his words and the rhythm of his fingers pushed you over the edge. You clutched onto him, your body trembling as waves of ecstasy washed over you. “Oh my god!” Your cries of pleasure filled the room, your nails digging into his shoulders as you came hard around his fingers. He held you through it, his fingers never stopping until you were completely spent.

Breathless and trembling, you collapsed against him, your forehead resting on his shoulder. He gently withdrew his fingers, his other hand softly stroking your hair. “You’re incredible,” he whispered.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” you laughed, looking up and meeting his eyes. You leaned in to kiss him, your lips lingering on his, full of desire and affection.

With one hand still tangled in his hair, you reached down with the other to cup his erection through his pants. He was rock hard, and a low groan escaped his lips at your touch. His hand roamed down your back, grabbing your ass and giving it a little squeeze before he took your arms and placed them on his shoulders. With a swift motion, he grabbed your thighs and lifted you effortlessly and walked to your bedroom.

tags:

@mamawiggers1980 @xsweetcatastrophe @thistheivyseason @galactict3a

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Season 3, episode 1

———————————————————————

*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

———————————————————————

And without further ado… my reflections!

🎵 Set 1 (24 Track Loop - Halleluhwah)

This seems to be all electronic music focused. He’s done entire episodes around electronic music before, so I’m enjoying the sampling. Great way to start!

I also remember him saying somewhere that he takes time creating sets of music. I appreciate that and it helps the flow and continuity so much.

Side note - it’s taken me a looooong time to appreciate electronic music, but thanks to Cillian, I now can say I like it

24 Track Loop: reminds me of the first composers to play with recorded sampling compositions in the ‘50s (Varèse comes to mind), but the “track loop” is reminiscent of early minimalist recordings in the late ‘60s, especially with how repetitive some of the sounds become.

Diskhat: yeah, I’m definitely getting ‘50s experimentalist vibes! Reminds me of John Cage’s prepared piano pieces (and honestly it may be quoting some but I’m not sure so this is a guess), but mixed with some funky grooves! As weird as this is, it’s growing on me and I kinda really like it!

Halleluhwah: nice vamp at the beginning 😎 this is definitely something that could get stuck in my head and I wouldn’t mind it!

🎤 Talking break:

I missed hearing him talk about music!!! 😊

“It’s been a minute now”

How many times can he say “back” in a 5 second time span??? 😂😅

“… very amenable to light housework.” Great! Do you think if I ask nicely he’ll come clean my house while I’m at work??? 😂

When he’s talking about the above 3 songs, the “insistency” is so true. They all have elements of a continuous underlying pulse, which is pretty common in electronic and minimalist music.

I do find fault with his term “atonality” - atonal music has no pitch center, but the pieces just played DO have a pitch center.

“Turtles have short legs - which they do!”

🎵 Set 2 (fix-Guns of Brixton)

Fix: not my favorite song, but peaceful. I neither like nor dislike

Guns of Brixton: ok but this has been stuck in my head since I heard it 😂 I really like it!

🎤Talking break:

Yes Cill, covers are so appreciated!

🎵Set 3 (Look Down From the Bridge - Pale Blue Eyes)

Look down: nice, chill. Again, not my favorite, but I don’t dislike it. Interesting instrument choices. ��

Pale Blue Eyes: I like everything about this except for his voice. I wish I liked it, but I don’t. 🤷‍♀️ if I had to describe it, his voice sounds thin, and the voice teacher within me wants more.

These songs seem like great examples of storytelling within music, so I definitely see why Cillian likes them.

🎤Talking break:

He sounds so pleased knowing his factoids 😂😂😂 never change, Cillian!

Drella is my favorite thing now! 😂

🎵Set 4 (No No - Three Drums)

No No: why isn’t this mentioned in the track list??? THIS IS AMAZING AND I AM LOVING THE POLYRHYTHMS! I’m having so much fun rhythmically that I can’t even focus on the lyrics I have no idea what they’re saying 😂😂. ✨ This is prob my fave song of this episode. ✨

The way these songs blend into the next is so satisfying 😌

Three Drums: I like how this is a “cool down” from the craziness of No No, but also pairs really well. Nice and chill. It’s a feel good song and such a vibe. 😎

🎤Talking Break

THE TERRIBLE IDENT RETURNS!!! 😆

Sugar is a great song!

The exclusive - omg 😳😂

*whisper* exclusive

🎵Set 5 (All Your Fails)

All Your Fails: If bop is still a term, this is a bop! *dancing along* 💃 but seriously, the vocal line has so many upward leaps that it reminds me of a lot of boppy pop music. I’m digging this!

To be fair, I tend to like Broken Social Scene, so it makes sense I’m into All Your Fails.

🎤Talking Break

The way he says “woo” without any enthusiasm 😂

🎵Set 6 (It’s Love - Minor Meditations)

It’s Love: ok, I’m in love! 😍😍😍 acoustic guitar is beautiful, and I’m enjoying these harmonies.

Minor Meditations: nice segue with the acoustic guitar selections. 👍 the title is cute and punny, too! AND THE PICARDY THIRD AT THE END!!! 😎

🎤Talking Break

“… excellent! … wahoo wahoo wahoo”

🎵Set 7 (Wahoo - Where Did Our Love Go)

Wahoo: for a song with such a happy title, this was quite bluesy in terms of lyrics! And the funk and jazz bits - What a twist!!! 🙀

Girl group power!!!!!!! I love listening to artists recall how hits came to be.

Where Did Our Love Go: YES I LOVE THE SUPREMES!!!! 😍😍😍

🎤Talking Break

As much as he talks about W. Kerry, I feel like I need to go! It sounds gorgeous!

🎵Set 8 (To War - Jah Nuh Dead)

To War: this guy is playing the fire out of the concertina! 🔥

Side note - I am sooooo into traditional music! It’s one of the things I study, and many composers find inspiration from traditional music of various regions. I have such respect for the genre that I could go on, but I won’t to save y’all’s sanity 😅

Again, the transitions between songs are soooo well done!

Master Crowley’s: the drone and pedal points are so effective! The inclusion and intentional omission actually do a lot in building momentum. It’s also so cool how eventually everything fades into the background and you’re left with just sonorities, and then you go back and get a mix of everything! 💯

Jah Nuh Dead: Sinéad!!! I hadn’t heard this song before, and it’s absolutely beautiful and haunting. It takes a special person to keep you captivated and carry their own against such bare/sparse accompaniment. She has such a unique voice. She’ll truly be missed.

I’m guessing this is the Irish set 🍀

🎤Talking Break

Ya gotta love it when he fangirls over bands!

SINÉAD!!!!!!

🎵Set 9 (Fairlies)

Fairlies: so this is what happens when Irish musicians go to HOT climates? Jk jk 😂 no, I really like this. Some interesting lyrics!

🎤Talking Break

I kinda miss flip phones.

🎵Set 10 (I Am A River)

I Am A River: this is a bright song, and I mean that in terms of timbre. All the instruments and even the vocals are very ☀️☀️☀️ it definitely paints an image in your head/imagination

🎤Talking Break

No!! Don’t shut up! I love your rambles!

“Aylesbury Boy, in a kinda animated buffalo character” - what on earth does they mean??? Bullwinkle???

🎵Set 11 (Aylesbury Boy)

Aylesbury Boy: I’ll be honest, I don’t like this. It’s got a lot of funny words in it, a decent background rhythm, but it’s not my jam.

🎤Talking Break

Ok, an album of covers is a great idea.

“Stop talking. Listen to it” 😂

🎵Set 12 (Three Hours)

Three Hours: I’m really digging the backing track. It’s got some fun sound effects, but what I really like is the driving rhythm against this free-flowing vocal line. Nice contrast!

🎤Talking Break

I like how he talks more as the show goes on 😂

New content! 🙀

“Outrageously reasonable questions”

I’ll be honest, the non-advent music calendar confuses me 😅

“Cardboard aperture”

THE IDENT. OMG.

🎵Set 13 (O Barquinho - Till the Morning Comes)

O Barquinho: yep! This is bossa nova!

Till the Morning Comes: the piano and other background music reminds of Penny Lane 😂😂😂 I genuinely can’t even listen to the song properly because I keep expecting Paul McCartney to burst in with some vocals 😂😂😂😂

🎵Talking Break

Oh dear. We’ve gotten to the experimental poetry part of the show! This could be good or bad 😅

“I like jazz for the principle of what jazz is” - Nordine

Well Nordine, if that’s your stance, then I appreciate your performance of Coral for the principle of what it is, as a non-musical reinterpretation of jazz.

“A flight of musical fantasy within structure.” Ya know, not a bad definition of jazz. You do improvise over a pre-arranged chord progression, so that makes sense!

🎵Set 14 (Coral - nightclub)

Coral: not gonna lie, this is my least favorite selection of the show. HOWEVER, I will give credit where it’s due! I do appreciate that he’s got word plays, puns, and other poetic devices all over the place. That stuff mimics some of the techniques you’ll find throughout jazz. Now what’s really cool is the background music - you can hear bits and pieces influenced from different eras of jazz, such as New Orleans, swing, some bebop, and more modern stuff as well! Even though I hate it, I appreciate what it does.

Also, I first thought this song was a cheesy ad 😂😅 I definitely can tell he’s a voice actor

Nightclub: I like this a lot! Crazy how it goes from insanity to something really sweet, funny, and enjoyable. The background music is so ethereal and although a bit random, it’s great! The contradiction is like “salty and sweet” snacks. It shouldn’t work, but it does. Although I guess it mirrors some of the temporary images in the poem, like the smoke disappearing.

🎤Talking Break

Whoa. Cillian put the backing track in?! Good choice, dude!

🎵Set 15 (Remember Begum Rokheya)

Remember: ok I love this!!!! Polyrhythms galore, and the instrument pairings are so much fun! 😍

🎤Talking Break

“Approachable mellow” - does this mean there’s mellow stuff that isn’t approachable? I’d love to hear an example

🎵Set 16 (I Smile for E)

I Smile for E: I like the contrast between verse and chorus. Going from a minor key to major gives an auditory version of “smiling” nice touch! But I’ll be honest - idk why this is more “approachable” than other mellow songs 😅😂

🎤Talking Break

I’m not sure he’s saying “Hinoki” correctly. It looks Japanese to me? But idk. I’m not an expert and he’s definitely more informed than I am

“Useful music” - isn’t all music useful in some way? 🤔

🎵Set 17 (Hinoki Wood - Woman In Late)

Hinoki Wood: an interesting choice of instrument. You can tell it’s an old upright that needs a bit of maintenance, but it does have some charm.

Woman In Late: ok, so we are back to the tape loop concepts seen at the beginning of the show! Kinda cool how he’s circling back. Anyway, the “tape loop,” or looping of small lengths of recorded tape, was a thing done at the beginning of the minimalist trend in the ‘60s (think Reich or Riley) to create this fuzzy sound effect seen here. I love how you hear that influence in so many corners of the music world!

🎤Talking Break

“Delicious”

What???! The last song??? 😭😭😭

Yay! New music!

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 18 (Unknown Summer)

Unknown Summer: I’m digging it 😎 This has some amazing dissonant vocals and it is soooooo satisfying. I don’t like the crackle effect in the background, but it does help build this “distortion” they’re building in the song. It’s kinda fun to put that distortion against the “clear” blue skies. I see what ya did there… 😂

———————————————————————

Ah! That’s the end!!!

Thank you so much for reading all this. I honestly can’t believe anyone is interested in my rambles. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I’ll write again next week for episode 2!

Tag list:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

[hannahwatcheshorror]

28 DAYS LATER (2002)

💁‍♀️💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead(s)

While over 20 years old now, the effects hold up very well as does the story. I would like to find flaws and say that people wouldn’t be so stupid as to spread the virus in the first place, or that people would never be so cruel to one another in hard times, but after having gone through a pandemic… This movie does an excellent job showing what happens during a public health crisis. I’ve only just seen the film but I know it's worth watching again for details I missed the first time.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

The filmmakers had no idea about COVID-19 when they made this movie in 2002 but I can’t help but compare the two events and shudder. The Rage sickness did NOT have to be spread. The science man told them pretty explicitly that if they set the chimps loose, everyone will start dying immediately, and what happened? Exactly. It only took 28 days for Rage to ravage London and for poor lil' Cillian Murphy to wake up all alone in the buff (though I appreciate some male nudity with these mostly female nudity heavy movies, thanks Cill). He finds his world very empty save for some very wild folk who really want a bite out of him (but I mean, who doesn’t). He teams up with a guy and a girl but lights a candle so he can be alone with the girl. Then he and Selena (the girl) find a Daddy-Daughter duo and the daughter’s name is Hannah so she has some big shoes to fill (but I digress). 

They pick up an emergency broadcast telling them to go to a promised land and Hannah is the deciding vote (get it, girl). They go through a tunnel and Papa Frank guns it which is scary and fun but it pops a tire. Hannah to the rescue! Everyone lifts the car while reminding Hannah to hurry (she knows) as she puts on a spare. This was very stressful because I really want Hannah to survive this movie (figures). Next, Hakuna Matata because they go apocalypse grocery shopping (and Daddy Frank is pleased to see the Granny Smiths are going strong because of radiation). Picnicking and having a campout somewhere green and with wild horses, you almost forget about the terrifying, red-eyed, infected. Almost.

They make it to the promised land but there is no one there so Father Frank kicks something out of frustration and gets a drop of virus blood in his eye and THEN the army fuckers pop up out of nowhere to kill him. I am ANGRY and sad for Hannah (and Cillian who mistook Frank for his father earlier). All those left are trucked back to the army headquarters. Things start to feel a little off, and then the head honcho tells dear Mr. Murphy that he promised his hard working soldiers women. Yeah, it’s only been a month but they were all ready to off themselves over the idea of not getting laid again, but being able to take advantage of a woman? Now that sounds like a fine idea to these freaks! Obviously, Cillian, Selena, and Hannah are NOT on board for this but they are outnumbered and so the non-dominant male is exiled.

Cillian doesn’t take well to this so becomes a super stealthy boy suddenly even though in his life before all this he was a delivery driver. He lures Best Boy out into the woods and then doubles back to the clubhouse to rescue Selena and Hannah, taking out one of the baddies on the way. At this point the girls are very scared which is fair because they’ve been made to change into different clothing in front of the men (bright red dresses specifically). Selena gives Hannah some drugs so she won’t have to endure the full effects of the evening but this sort of backfires when the young lady isn’t taking the zombie in their midst very seriously! By the time Cillian comes in and takes care of the guy grabbing up on his woman, Selena thinks he might have The Rage (TM), but he still has his big, old, baby blues. Blonde bitch boy tries to ruin things but Hannah tells him no and feeds him to his pet zombie. Finally, they are in a little house and like a little family, and they sew and make a big “HELLO” for planes overhead to see (but they are pretty sure all of Europe is in lockdown so they are gonna be stuck there a while).

The “what if” alternative ending is just the most realistic ending if Murph-dawg really got shot point blank in the torso during the apocalypse. Homeboy dies. Sorry. The “Radical Alternative Ending” was just as it said, radical. They had an idea that perhaps the cure could be a full body blood transfusion but realized that this couldn’t work in the world they created where a single drop of blood in the eye could infect you in 20 seconds. Cillian ends up dead but Frank lives in the radical scenario. It was fascinating to see them storyboarding.

[livums]

Livvvvvvv you know I’m coming in here with 16 and 21 for the wip asks ily <3

hi korblez <3 ty for the ask!! and for making me write lmfao.

(Ask game here!)

16. Write the next 5 sentences and share

Eve would never truly recall the last time she saw Bright Aurora. She hadn’t known to take special care to remember their final encounter—how could she have known? Singer Eosa said that she had been wed. Her new husband lived far to the west, in Cill Emmond, so that was where she had gone. In the winter, Orin began training alongside her.

21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic.

putting this under the cut ehe

Honorary Astronaut - Gold

She perfected the art of dividing her love from her lover / But in the end I would find she retired her heart from a man

Deciding to distance herself from the menacing man that I am / And she was praying we won't be forced to stay until our hearts stop beating / Too afraid to admit defeat again

Kehlani - Good Thing

I like my own company / Company, I don't need it / I'm not always cold / I'm just good on my own, so good on my own / I've always been told, one day, I'll find / Somebody who changes my mind / If they come along, I won't think twice / 'Cause I already got a good thing with me / I already got everything I need

Don McLean - Crying

I thought I was over you / But it's true, so true / I love you even more than I did before / But darling, what can I do? / While you don't love me / I'll always be / Crying over you

ty again for the ask!

[denimbex1986]

"I've been interested in Oppenheimer for some time. We put it in Tenet as a, you know, an analogy, but this idea of the moment where Oppenheimer and his team couldn't entirely rule out the idea that when they let off that first device, they'd start a chain reaction that would destroy the world; that just seemed like the most incredible moment in time to take the audience to - be in that room with them."

"You know, when I'm writing I try to be disciplined and not write with actors in mind, because then you're writing something you've already seen them do, and it's limited. But when you finish the script, then for me, I was adapting the book 'American Prometheus' and the book's sitting there with the real Robert Oppenheimer staring out with this incredible sort of blue-eyed stare from the cover of that book and I thought: 'Well, I know who could do that.' And I've been lucky enough to work with Cillian for - twenty years now?"

"Yeah."

"And - but never in a leading role. And this time I got to, to make that call and say: "Yeah, this is the one. You're going to take centre stage and you get to really carry the audience with you on this journey.""

"You see how I just got out of his light?"

"I mean, that was one of the great days; you have a few of those in your career and that was; that's been the best so far. I mean, in typical Chris fashion there's no like, text or preamble - 'I might be writing something' - it just came straight out of the blue, so it was a shocker, yeah. But like, the best type of shocker, you know?"

"No texting."

"Yeah, I love a good protagonist. Just to double-up on Cillian's - mine was: I read the script, I was mind-blown and then Chris said: "Will you do it?" So, forget texts and all that, he cuts right to the chase, but he's literally, for a director, he's very direct and it's why everything like you said, Matt, by the time I got to set you said: "Downey, everything happens in front of the camera; you're going to love this." You said to me, Emily, you said: "I'm telling you, this is going to be a life-changing experience." Of course he already knew, but then he was in front of it, and that was the real joy; was to show up for someone we all admire and watch him carry the ball..."

"He looks great in a hat."

"It was Chris' script. It was an extraordinary part. She's a fireball and complicated and not the archetypal sort of conformist of 50s housewife, you know? He's her fourth husband at 29, but I, I think they were like, like comets coming together and she was clearly a monumental presence in his life, but not an easy woman. I read this line in 'American Prometheus' that Chris encouraged us to read and it said 'she didn't do small talk, she only did big talk' - and it was so emblematic of the character really. But, I mean I just had the best dialogue and the best scenes and I think my scenes with Cillian were very emotional and wrought and, and exciting. It's where you see the, the intimacy of this man; you see the private life and the trauma of a brain like that, and it was just so exciting to get to work with Cill again and we - I'd loved working with him on A Quiet Place II, and I think having that trust and secret language we already had established was huge. You know - jumping into this world of tempestuous couple; I remember Chris saying when we did the camera test, we were in our prosthetics and Chris went: "God, I'd never want to have them over for a dinner party." Who'd want the Oppenheimer's coming over, you know?"

"You'd have to and you know it would like, get messy."

"Yeah, yeah. I mean, to echo what Downey was saying, Chris is very direct; like when he offered me 'Interstellar' years ago, he said: "You know, they say there are no small parts, there are only small actors", and I'm like "Yeah", and he goes: "This is a small part." So, so when he came with this one, we talked and, and he said: "You know, the book is 'American Prometheus', it's this great Pulitzer prize winning book." He goes: "I'm not calling the movie that, I'm calling it 'Oppenheimer' because it has to be entirely - it is going to be through his eyes." And when I read the script, I'd never seen this before - it was written in the first person. Never seen that before and it gave you as a reader the, that visceral, that subjective Oppenheimer experience, so instead of going: 'Oppenheimer across to the window', it says: 'I, I walk towards the window' and you're, you know, it just had this kind of immediate see - kind of visceral, punch. And so you could see what he was trying to communicate to us and to his crew like: 'This is what the movie is gonna be', and he said: "What I need are actors in support of that. This entire thing is going on Cillian's back, and I need you guys to support that, right?" And so that was really; that's a great kind of marching order - very, you know, actionable for us and, and easy to understand and every day I was like: 'All right, how can I help that?'"

"How can I get more lines?"

"'How can I get more lines?' But, but watching the two of them, because it really is a partnership at that level, when you see a movie of this scale, that is fearless enough to live in quiet moments, in, you know, in IMAX on his face, and with everything that's going on, I mean the most impossible moral quandaries you know, and, and live there, it's about these two guys being so locked in together and, and watching them build that together, and then watching Chris build a movie around that performance was, was the rush. So in my case it was yeah, you know, I'm one of the spokes of the wheel, and the tension between us is that, is that you know the military is obviously obsessed with secrecy and compartmentalization and, as you say the liberal scientists are like you know: 'Open the kimono, let's share all of our, our knowledge so that we can get to the answer.' And so there was this kind of natural tension, but despite that, these two guys actually really liked and respected each other, even though nobody else liked Groves. So that was the fun thing to play; I never had a character who was so brusque and blunt and just didn't give a shit, you know? Because to be liked, it was so far down on his list of objectives like, if you asked him: "Do people like you?", he would probably look at you like: 'I don't even understand the question.' You know what I mean? Because what they were doing was so consequential, I mean Chris has said, he's been on record saying Oppenheimer's the most important person to live in the last hundred years if not ever, and this movie is about the most important things human beings did perhaps in the, in you know, the history of the species. And so to be part of a movie that's telling that story, with a director who's at the absolute height of his abilities, you know with, with, with a chance to support that performance which to me is one of the great performances I've ever seen on screen, was thrilling so -"

"And this is the man who colonised Mars."

"And I had no supporting cast."

"I think Mr. Nolan, maestro, is a, a singular storyteller in that all of his movies, even at, you know, the most obvious one being the spinning top at the end of 'Inception', it's always inviting conversation. He's always presuming the audience wants to be elevated to a place where there's a dialogue that continues on. And then this is kind of the natural progression, you know, and I think about like: 'What was Kubrick doing before he decided to make - you know, pick one of his films and you just; you're just glad that there is this progression. But yeah, for sure, I mean we're excited by it and it's, it's a rollercoaster of just an experience cinematically, but it also is that thing that I think - that's why you're responding the way you are. You know, we want - we want to be challenged by cinema at its best."

"I would've taken it."

"We were all in New Mexico like, eating quesadillas and he was like in his room eating an almond."

"By the way, he declined every dinner invitation for the entire film. We invited him to dinner every night; he never came once."

"The only thing Chris would do by text was his daily calorie count."

"Well the approach I always take is do as much research as you possibly can, and there's so much out there about Oppenheimer and the Manhattan Project. There's, there's so much archival footage out there you can, you can access, and you know, obviously I read the book, but for me the most important resource was the script. You know, that's what I really worked on, and I had six months from when Chris called me unexpectedly and - to when we started shooting - to work on it. Having said that, I think when you get on the floor with actors like these guys, and with Chris, you kind of just put that aside and it all becomes kind of about the moment and the truth, and the emotion between the, the actors and that was just, every day it was - it was a gift. You know, I can't give you one specific point, but there was many scenes in the film, like with Robert and with Emily and with Matt like, they were just kind of electric; you could kind of feel it fizzing, and at that point, yeah, it isn't intellectual, it's kind of instinctual and, and emotional."

"Well I've used IMAX for years and, IMAX film is, is the highest quality imaging format ever devised. And what that gives you is access to the audience's perceptions; it takes the screen away. I refer to it as sort of 3D without the glasses. You know, you're just looking at a crystal clear, sharp image and we've used it in the past for a lot of action; we've used it for the grand vistas, and my director of photography, Hoyte van Hoytema and myself, you know, we knew we would get New Mexico that way. We would get the storms, we would get the desolation of where they, they built Los Alamos. But what we both got really excited about is: 'How can it, how can this format help give us access to Oppenheimer's thought process? How can it help us really peer into his soul?' You know - what happens when you apply that grand format to intimacy, to what these guys are doing, you know, to really seeing the world through his eyes and trying to pick up the different layers of, of what everybody is thinking and feeling and all of the conflicts and paradoxical situations and, and ethical dilemmas that are going on. And we found that the format is a powerful tool for all aspects of, of cinema really; and cinema is just about storytelling and it's more than anything about the human element."

"It's like how, how did they do that? But the, the like, I love like, like Downey's character, he's obsessed with this conversation that these two great scientists have. It's like, it's about the, the bigness and greatness of men in this - and women - in this smallness of us, you know what I mean? Like, human beings are just so - you know yes, to your point, it is, it, it, it, it, it - it's; there's a reason he wrote about it in Tenet, there's a reason it's in our movie. It's because it's, it's kind of a central conundrum like how, how they press the button anyway. How would you do that if there was any possibility, at all, that you could wipe the species off the planet? Like -"

"And they were taking bets on it."

"Yeah."

"That's the crazy thing."

"Well, I just also want to say the, the, the, the, the incredible brilliance of Opper - Oppenheimer, but yet his naivety, right, to go to, to, think that this, this is gonna end, perhaps end all wars. There's a moment in the movie that I love which is when the genie's out of the bottle and Oppenheimer realises that he has no control over, of it when he comes and says to me: "Should I come to Washington?" and I look at him and I go: "Why?" And you just realise: 'Oh my God, they're done with him.'"

"Yeah."

"You know now, now this thing is a reality and it exists in the world and he, and he, he has no control over it. And yet in his own kind of innocent and beautiful way, you know, he was the only person who could've helped create it, but kind of of thought it might be a force for good and like, what a ridiculous thought in retrospect - but what a; you know it's - it's so tragic and so kind of beautifully human at the same time."

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, totally. Well I mean, we were kind of trying to play the kind of interior I suppose; you know it was - it was to internalize the performance a lot. I think that's what we were certainly trying to do and, you know, certainly with all those amazing close-ups that Chris uses with, on the IMAX camera. Yeah, but that's that - they're the brilliant characters, you know, the ones that have that huge complexity and ambiguity and contradictions and I don't know - we just kind of had to plot our way through it, particularly when you're shooting out of order as well. You know; trying to figure it all out, where he stood emotionally and morally at each point in the story, is very, very complex; certainly the most complex character I've ever approached."

"Yeah, you told us a few weeks ago that there was something he said, which I loved, about that he's a chess player and not a boxer."

"That was, that was, that was in a scene we had, remember that? That was early on, and I think I came in a bit heavy in that scene and you said to me: "Yeah Cill, he's not a - he's not a boxer, he's a chess player." That's just an example of one of the unbelievably brilliant, precise - "

"Which gives you total permission as an actor by the way -"

"Yeah."

" - to just let the entire thing come to you."

"But it just can turn a performance like, completely on it's axis."

"One sentence can just - yeah."

"Pretty good at that."

"Well that's very kind of you to say. But the thing about that; not shooting in order, and you having to figure out that puzzle for yourself -"

"Yeah."

" - and you know, I'm there on set, trying to gauge that for the audience, I'm just sort of some of the audiences' - "

"Yeah."

" - eyes on set, but it's really not until we get in the edit suite and sit there with Jen Lane who's cutting the film, and then we see what all of you've done and it starts to fit together, and you see the work that's gone in. Because I get to take that for granted when I work with people this good; they turn up to set, they do their thing - it seems simple, it often seems effortless, and then you get in the edit suite and you see how it relates to something an hour away in the film - and there's where you start to see the work that, that these guys have put in."

"Well Benny, I mean I, I called Paul Thomas Anderson - he, Benny had just done Licorice Pizza - and I'm a big fan of Benny as a director, and you know, I called Paul and was like, before I'd seen the film, you know: "What do you think?" And he's like: "He's the best; you'll - you'll love him." He was absolutely right and Benny, you know when I met Benny, it became clear that he had almost become a physicist. He literally had a moment in his life where he's like: 'It's physics or it's, you know, filmmaking.' And so this was sort of - "

"That worked out the best for all of us."

"No he's - he was fabulous but the, the thing I had done at the script stage is I had decided, it's a risk and, you know, I'm hoping the audience enjoys this - I didn't make composite characters so we have a lot of people; got a lot of young, new faces, we've got a lot of stuff going on, and you're trying to cast people with a particular energy that's memorable, and fits the character. And I've worked with my casting director John Papsidera since 'Memento', and so he's brilliant at just finding all kinds of choices. And I get in the room with actors, I try to cast in person not, you know, not doing it all remotely and everything, and you try to sort of feel the energy of those people. And you get, you know, somebody like Alden Ehrenreich who comes and, and - "

"Just brings so much to the film."

"Yeah, I think particularly kind of, at the you know, later on in the movie and during the hearings, I think his passive approach must've just infuriated her, and you see it infuriate her because there's a directness and a forcefulness to the character; and conviction. She's got real conviction about everything from drinking to, you know, being hard on him, and so I think that's where you see the storm of the relationship start to kind of build; but you see loyalty and the fight that she has for him and - I think she worshipped him. I think she thought he was incredible and yeah, I think those scenes have impact in the film because she's maybe one of the only people who will just say what everyone else wishes they could, you know?"

"That's; that's a hard thing to answer without giving away, giving away the tricks. The visual effects supervisor was the first person after Emma, my producer, that I showed the script to, because I said to him: "You know, I want you to take computer graphics off the table and think long and hard, you know, over a series of months, do some experiments and figure out ways in which we can show Oppenheimer's interior state; his visualizing of atomic behaviour, of quantum physics, and then carry that thread right the way through to its ultimate expression in the extreme beauty and terror of the Trinity test - the first time that human beings saw nuclear energy released in, in that form. And so we worked long and hard on some things that were very, very small and some things that were very, very big - and we got out there in that desert with these guys and you know, we, we went through our own sort of mini version of that Trinity test, where you're all out there in the desert in the middle of the night, in your bunkers very, very focused on what's going to happen and making sure that it's being done safely and carefully, but done on a, on a suitably grand scale."

"I call it N.A.R. - No Acting Required. You just show up, you put on your, your wardrobe and you go on out and yeah - enjoy the show."

"Yeah, I kind of agree with Matt. I think you just have to - I don't remember us talking very much on that, that evening or those few nights that we were out because you're aware of what this means and what actually went down, and how like, the world changed completely from what happened there. So again, it goes back to what I was saying earlier; it wasn't a kind of an intellectual approach, it was more of just like an emotional approach - because we all knew; I think everybody, when we were out there on those nights in the desert, kind of knew what we were portraying so -"

"You're also putting yourself in that head, that headspace - "

"Yeah."

" - that, that, the anxiety like of what must have been, I, I, I - the most profound anxiety, fear, you know, hope; ever, everything that they had riding on this. You know, it was years of their lives, it was billions of dollars like just - that's what Groves' thinking right? He's probably thinking about how much it cost, but you know, they're also thinking: 'Wait a minute - we might end civilization'."

"Yeah."

"I don't like to be too specific about these things - I'm not making a documentary or a didactic statement or sending a specific message. To me the most interesting cinematic stories, they involve you in the characters' dilemmas, they take you on that journey and then if those stories have something to them - and this is one of the great dramatic stories of, of all time I think - it leaves you with resonances; interesting questions, ways in which it interacts with our own lives and the way, you know, we live our lives and what we worry about and what we care about. But no, I don't want to be too specific about it, I wanna - it's more, as Cillian was saying earlier, it's more of an emotional approach than an intellectual approach. You have the research, you have the history of the facts of the story, but you want the audience to feel it and you want it to leave them with a set of sensations and feelings."

[birthdaysentiment]

love the new look on your side blog ❤️❤️ (hope it is okay that I write this to you on tour main blog). have a nice day cille ❤️❤️

aww thank you anon! that’s so sweet of you to say. i needed a change and then i found that picture with the leaves, so i went with that and sobbe’s hands too, because you know i'm never not thinking about them lol. and of course it’s okay, you’re always welcome to write to me on my main blog. i'm wishing you the most wonderful day anon! ✨

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 18)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity

Over the next week, and whilst you stayed with Cillian at his house, he found you a three-bedroom terrace right down the street from his property. 

The place was perfect - spacious rooms, high ceilings, and a modern interior design and, whilst you felt uncomfortable knowing that Cillian had spent an absorbent amount of money on this property for you to live in, you knew that it was the best decision for your unborn child.

The thought of having a home of your own was comforting and the fact that the house was already vacant put your mind at ease, meaning that you could move in right away. 

Thus, within less than a week, you moved all of your very few belongings to your very own home and Cillian worked tirelessly to assist you with your move, ensuring that your transition to the new house was seamless.

"You're making this way too easy for me," you commented lightly, watching him maneuver a particularly heavy box with ease while your best friend Emma followed suit, rolling your suitcases into the master bedroom.

"Holy shit, that's nice," she said appreciatively when she stumbled into your new bedroom, running her fingers along the plush leather headboard of the king-sized bed. "I would be more than happy to become your live-in nanny," she joked playfully, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

"That's tempting," you admitted sheepishly, biting your lower lip. "But I don't want to impose on any of you for much longer, I promise," you insisted earnestly, casting your gaze downward shyly.

"Don't be silly," Emma scolded affectionately, patting your shoulder reassuringly. "You are my best friend and always will be," she smiled warmly, her eyes glistening with love while Cillian brought in yet another box, overhearing the conversation between you, and Emma who could not help but to bring up the most recent confrontation you had with your mother when you attempted to collect some of your clothes from Frank's house.

"Think about it though Y/N, since your mother has officially disowned you now, you could use all the help you can get when Mr Hot Shot here is going on press tour next year. You want to start university in a few weeks. You will have exams and work-prac coming up and an au-pair or something similar might really be an option for you," Emma told you, seeing that you were due to give birth just before next years' award season. 

"Her mother might still come around," Cillian interjected optimistically, placing the last box gently on the floor. "And even if she does not, I will be here as much as I can be to support Y/N and our daughter," Cillian told Emma comfortably and whilst Emma appreciated all the effort he was putting into this arrangement, she remained somewhat skeptical. 

"I doubt that she will be coming around" you mumbled under your breath, unable to meet either Cillian's or Emma's eyes. You too were skeptical and knew that your mother hated you for what you did to the family. "Despite, she pretty much made it clear to me that she will never consider this baby to be her grandchild, so I really do not want her around my daughter even if she was to offer," you confessed despondently, feeling the sting of rejection surge through you once more.

"She's just angry and hurt Y/N," Cillian consoled you, reaching out to squeeze your arm reassuringly. "Give her some time, maybe she'll see reason," he encouraged tentatively, hoping to restore your faith in your mother's ability to change her mind.

"Whatever Cills," you sighed heavily, a single tear trickling down your cheek. "It won't happen," you told him dejectedly, your voice breaking slightly.

"Well, if it doesn't, then it would be her loss," Cillian reassured you firmly, reaching out to brush a damp strand of hair from your forehead tenderly. "You will be just fine without her," he added, his eyes brimming with love and empathy. 

"I know will be..." you trailed off, biting your lower lip nervously. "But still, I wish she could see past her anger towards me long enough to realize that she is going miss out on the opportunity to welcome her own grandchild into the world," you confessed softly, your voice quivering slightly.

"Y/N, I suppose the fact that you are having a child with her husband's brother is a difficult notion for her to grasp though, don't you think?" Emma surmised, her eyes gleaming mischievously. "I mean, how could she possibly come to terms with the reality of your relationship?" she pondered aloud, her tone laced with caution.

"Point taken Em, but I always figured that a mother's love is unconditional," Cillian told your friend reluctantly, his gaze fixed on you intently. "But anyway, let's just focus on getting Y/N settled in here, shall we?" he suggested diplomatically before taring open some boxes, which is when you reminded him of his appointment with his lawyer and sister Siobhan.

"Mediation is at 3 o'clock, Cillian," you reminded him kindly, biting your lower lip apprehensively. "I suppose you should leave soon," you added, a hint of concern clouding your expression.

"Yeah, I know," Cillian sighed, his gaze fixated on the piles of boxes strewn across the floor. "I'll be sure to let you know how it goes afterwards and then I will be back to help you unpack," he promised, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," you reassured him softly, reaching out to squeeze his hand affectionately, knowing that, following your testimony three days ago, Max was removed from Danielle's care, simply due to the physical aggression she had shown towards you.

Max was now staying with his grandmother in Cork until an agreement was made between Danielle and Cillian and, with Cillian being diplomatic, he had proposed a shared custody agreement which Danielle was yet to sign. 

"She will sign the shared parenting agreement. She will have no choice," you reassured Cillian gently, your voice laced with confidence.

"I hope so, because none of this is fair on Max. He is only a child and does not understand what is going on," Cillian replied, his brow furrowed deeply as he reached for his jacket.

"I promise to call you later," he informed you, kissing your forehead tenderly as he walked out the door, leaving you and Emma alone.

As Cillian drove to the law firm where he had scheduled his mediation session, anxiety pulsed through his veins as he wondered whether his ex-wife would agree to his proposal.

Danielle had been unwilling to negotiate thus far, instead insisting that he should have full custody of Max, but he hoped that his patience and diplomacy would eventually pay off.

He pulled up to the parking lot outside the building where the mediation session was held and parked his car.

As he exited his vehicle, he paused briefly, his thoughts racing with uncertainty. Would today be the day that he finally regained custody of his son? Or would Danielle continue to obstruct his efforts, forcing him to resort to legal procedures? He inhaled deeply, steadying himself before he stepped toward the entrance of the building.

Inside, the lobby was bustling with people, all busy chatting and gesturing animatedly. He spotted Siobhan sitting quietly in a corner, nursing a cup of coffee.

She raised her eyebrows curiously and gave him a small smile. "Ready?" she asked him in a low voice, setting her half-empty mug aside carefully.

"As ready as I can be," Cillian muttered under his breath, offering her a weak smile. He could sense the tension radiating from her body as she rose from her seat gracefully, smoothing out her skirt with a practiced gesture. Siobhan held out her hand to lead him upstairs, where the mediation room awaited them.

Cillian reluctantly followed her, his stomach churning uneasily. His thoughts raced frantically, filled with images of Max and memories of the times they used to spend together, laughing and playing games. The idea of losing his beloved son weighed heavily upon his shoulders, and he clung desperately to the hope that today would mark a turning point in his life.

Once inside the mediation room, they sat across from Danielle, who scrutinized them coolly. Her gaze flicked between Cillian and Siobhan, her expression unreadable. The mediator readied herself, explaining the process in a measured voice.

"Today, we gather to resolve the dispute concerning the custody of Max," she began, her gaze sweeping over the trio. "Since you've both agreed to mediation, I trust that you're willing to reach a peaceful resolution. Let's begin with a brief overview of the situation," she continued, her voice ringing with authority.

Siobhan cleared her throat, her gaze flickering nervously between her brother and Danielle.

"I believe Cillian is asking for joint custody, correct?" she asked, her voice quivering slightly.

"Correct," Siobhan confirmed, her gaze sweeping over to her brother.

"Danielle, is that acceptable to you?" the mediator then posed her question, addressing Danielle directly.

Danielle hesitated, her gaze piercing like daggers as she studied Cillian. "I suppose so," she relented, her words dripping with resentment. "But I don't want this whore of a woman he cheated with on me anywhere near my son," she spat, glaring at Cillian who had cheated on her with you.

"Please ma'am, watch your language," the mediator cautioned sternly, observing the hostility simmering in the air. "Let's focus on finding a solution here without insulting one another," she added, her tone firm and unwavering before seeking some clarification on the circumstances surrounding Danielle's comment and reading the court transcript from three days ago, which ultimately led the judge to refer this matter to mediation. 

"Preventing Y.N to be around Max will be impossible," Siobhan then reasoned calmly after the mediator got a grasp of the facts and surrounding circumstances. 

"And may I ask why?" Danielle ought to question Siobhan angrily before the mediator reiterated the question. 

"Miss Murphy, please explain to us why preventing Y/N from being around your client's son would be impossible. By what I understand, Y/N does not live with your client nor is he currently romantically involved with her," the mediator stated, her gaze resting on Siobhan expectantly.

"That is correct. However, Y/N is currently pregnant with my client's child," Siobhan answered cautiously, her gaze flickering between her brother and Danielle. "So, it would be quite difficult to completely shield Max from Y/N, who, I believe, will also co-parent her daughter with my client once she is born," she added, her voice trailing off uncertainly.

Danielle shot to her feet, her face contorting into a mask of outrage.

"Oh my god," she gasped, her voice cracking with disbelief. "This is just disgusting," she seethed, pointing an accusing finger at Cillian. "I can't believe you would stoop so low as to knock her up," she raged, her words slicing through the air like knives.

Cillian's gaze met hers, his expression grim and resolute. "Well, clearly, it wasn't intentional," he murmured hoarsely, his voice barely audible. 

"God, I would hope so. How old is she again?" Danielle sneered spitefully, directing her question at Siobhan. She didn't bother looking at Cillian; her gaze remained cold and distant.

Siobhan hesitated, but Cillian did not. "She is old enough to act more mature than you do," he retorted sharply, his gaze unwavering as he handed Danielle the pen.

"Now, would you please sign the agreement so that we can finally move on from this. Max does not deserve to suffer from this unnecessary drama anymore," Cillian spoke firmly, passing the paper over to Danielle.

Their eyes locked for a moment, filled with silent accusation and pain.

"Fine," Danielle gritted through gritted teeth, signing the document hastily before thrusting it back at Cillian. "Just remember," she warned darkly, her gaze narrowing dangerously. "I will ensure that you regret ever crossing paths with this little slut," she snarled, her voice dripping with venom. "Max will know what you did, breaking his family apart like this," she finally said and Cillian gripped the table tightly, his knuckles whitening as he struggled to contain his rage.

"Please," he pleaded, his voice shaking with suppressed anger. "Can we just put our differences aside for the sake of Max?" he implored, glancing pleadingly at the mediator, who watched the unfolding drama warily.

"He is a child, for fuck sake. He does not need to be dragged into this," Cillian argued vehemently, his grip tightening on the table.

"I think you are just afraid that he will reject you once he learns exactly what kind of man you truly are," Danielle went on to say, her gaze fixing on Cillian accusingly.

Cillian's hands balled into fists, his knuckles white with rage. He opened his mouth to respond, but his words caught in his throat as he struggled to suppress his mounting anger.

"Enough," he finally managed, his voice strained and tight. "I won't allow you to drag our son into this mess," he growled, his gaze boring into her. "We both know that he deserves better," he added, his voice thick with emotion.

Danielle stared at him, her anger and resentment simmering beneath the surface. But despite her desire to retaliate, she knew that she had pushed things far enough. With a huff, she crossed her arms defiantly.

"I think we are done here," Siobhan interjected, her gaze darting between her brother and Danielle warily. "You two need to sort out your bitter feelings towards one another. This isn't healthy for Max," she reasoned reasonably, rising from her chair deliberately.

"Cillian will pick Max up from Cork tomorrow. He will stay with him for the first four days before spending the next three days with Danielle pursuant to the parenting agreement," Siobhan explained, her gaze darting between her brother and Danielle.

"Thanks, sis," Cillian murmured gratefully, squeezing her hand reassuringly, his eyes reflecting relief that the custody battle was finally over. "At least there is some peace," he added, a hint of bitterness lingering in his voice.

"Yes," Siobhan echoed, her gaze flickering between Cillian and Danielle warily. "Now that we have finally reached an agreement, let's try to make the best of this situation and focus on Max's wellbeing," she implored, her voice trembling slightly.

Cillian nodded, his gaze locking onto Danielle's icy stare before she stood up and walked out of the room without saying a word.

He released a shaky breath, his grip loosening on the table as he felt the weight of the tension lifting from his shoulders. Siobhan squeezed his hand sympathetically, her understanding gaze speaking volumes of the turmoil he had endured during the custody battle.

"Come on," she murmured kindly, leading him outside the building. "We can celebrate the end of this hellish nightmare with a drink," she added, her voice trembling slightly.

Cillian's heart swelled with gratitude. "Thank you, Siobhan," he whispered, grasping her hand tightly.

"I honestly don't know what I would have done without you," he admitted, his voice cracking slightly.

Siobhan shook her head, her gaze filled with compassion. "No big deal, brother dear," she replied gently, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. "After all, I am your sister," she added, smiling softly. "But seriously, Cillian," she began, her voice taking on a serious tone. "What happened between you and Y/N is really fucked up," she asserted, her gaze meeting his squarely. "How could you sleep with Frank's stepdaughter?" she questioned him pointedly, her words cutting through the silence like a knife.

"I honestly don't know Siobhan. I was in a bad place at the time. My marriage was at breaking point and the thrill of the taboo and forbidden excited me," Cillian explained before trying to further justify his actions. "I know I shouldn't have done it and I don't know what lead me to pursuing her. Curiosity? Lust? Boredom? All of those, probably. I wanted to feel alive again – and she certainly helped me achieve that. The problem now? The consequences. She's carrying my child and my marriage ended, so yes. I fucked up," Cillian confessed painfully, his voice shaking slightly. "But I cannot deny that, regardless of the circumstances, I do care for Y/N," he admitted, his gaze locking onto Siobhan's sympathetic eyes. "It might not be love, but there is definitely something there," he admitted, his voice wavering slightly.

Siobhan's gaze softened, her eyes reflecting understanding. "Look, Cillian," she sighed, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on his elbow.

"I understand that you're feeling overwhelmed right now, but you need to think about what you're doing. This girl is half your age, and she shouldn't be having that child," Siobhan urged, her voice filled with concern. "The entire family is falling apart because of this," she lamented, her eyes reflecting sadness. 

"Siobhan, I honestly don't know what to tell you," Cillian responded, his grip tightening on the table. "All I know is that I want her to have this child. I want to raise my daughter with her," Cillian declared passionately, his voice echoing with determination. "And whatever obstacles stand in our way, I am sure we will overcome them," he vowed vehemently, his gaze fixated on Siobhan.

Siobhan shook her head, her eyes filled with worry. "Cillian, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you're making a huge mistake," she sighed, her voice trembling slightly. "This girl is young, naive, and vulnerable. What happens when she realizes she's made a terrible mistake?" Siobhan pressed, her voice laced with concern. "You can't deny that this whole situation is complicated beyond belief," she insisted, her gaze holding steady on Cillian.

"Look, Siobhan," Cillian murmured evenly, his voice betraying a hint of impatience. "I fully appreciate your concerns, but we slept together and we made this decision together, it's our choice," he asserted firmly, his gaze holding steady on Siobhan. 

"Okay, well, being your sister, I will support your decision, even if I think it is wrong. 

But know that you are walking on thin ice and I can warn you that things will get worse before they get better," Siobhan cautioned, her gaze darting between Cillian and the exit. "For now, let's go and grab a drink, shall we?" she suggested, her voice taking on a lighter tone.

Cillian nodded, his gaze shifting to the horizon thoughtfully. "Yeah, I could use a drink," he murmured, his voice filled with resignation and, with that, they made their way to a bar nearby. 

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter

[missymurphy1985]

The Mistake - Part 6 (Cillian Murphy X fem!reader)

Warning - angsty

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho @gypsy-girl-08

It was on one of these lunch dates, that the subject they had avoided for so long came back up again.

Months had gone by. You'd been close to sending him a text a few times, but a news article popped up not long after he returned to London - a photo of him with his arm around a woman's shoulders, both looking happy and smiling... You took that as your sign that it wasn't meant to be, and to move on.

No one had any idea what had gone on between you both - and that's how it would stay.

Focussing instead on Leah and Paddy's new baby, due in a few months. You'd loved watching Leah becoming a mum, going baby shopping with her, getting misty eyed over prams, cots and sleepsuits, and regular lunch dates now Leah was on maternity leave.

"You know Cillian is moving back to Ireland?"

"Is he really?" You asked, as blank faced as possible.

You gulped. He was going to be at the baby shower... That you'd organised.. and would obviously be attending.

"Yeah. He misses being home, and with his nephew so close to arriving, I think it's made him homesick. He's coming to the baby shower next week and then he's househunting."

"Y/n, you okay?"

"Yes, sorry, coffee went down the wrong way!" You laughed it off, hoping she believed you.

"Right come on - Mothercare and home. My back is killing me!" She gathered up her handbag and you grabbed the shopping bags before heading back out to Cork high street.

************************************************************

God were you nervous.

Putting the final touches to the decor in the function room of your local pub, you were ready for the guests to arrive.

Most of them anyway.

You couldn't escape this - you were baby Murphy's aunt and godmother, and you'd organised the shower. Crying off would have been a mistake. This whole damn situation was a mistake.

A beautiful, dark haired, blue eyed mistake...

That just walked through the fucking door.

"Long time no see, y/n," he smiled, walking over to you, hands in his pockets.

"Hey... You're early?"

"If there's a bar, I'm always early. This looks amazing," he cast his eyes over the room - blue banners and balloons, a baby shaped cake, buffet, you'd gone all out on everything.

"It's good to see you, Cillian." You said, truthfully. Very good.

"You too."

A pause. Your eyes met. Both of you smiling, then a chuckle between you.

"So I hear you're moving back? Found somewhere yet?"

"Not yet. I'm staying at my mother's until I've got something sorted. Sleeping in my old bedroom - it's beyond weird."

"I can imagine. Single bed?"

"Yep. They haven't changed that room since I left at 18!"

You wanted to invite him to stay at yours. But you stayed silent instead. An uncomfortable silence before he broke it.

"You never called after.."

"We had an arrangement, and it came to an end Cill."

"You could have called though?"

"And so could you."

A silence fell between you. Slightly uncomfortable.

He was about to speak before other guests started piling in, distracting both of you as you greeted friends and family.

You avoided him the rest of the afternoon. Why should you have been the one to make the first move? He was the one who made it clear he was just 'scratching an itch' - and it somehow fell on your shoulders to contact him?

Fuck that.

Come on y/n, you've done so well up to now, do not get dragged into this again just to have your heart broken so quickly after it had healed.

It had healed.

It had.

Come on, it definitely had.

Fuck, it was so much easier to heal when he wasn't around..

[monokyokyo]

Life Saver | SeongSang

Seonghwa x Yeosang Vampire!Seonghwa Work Count: 5k

Dark, mysterious and enticing. Three words that Yeosang would use to describe the forbidden woods resting just outside his village. Ever since he was warned of its horrors he had been drawn closer and closer to its edges and the potential thrill that lay just ahead of it. Yet his lust for adventure was restricted by the laws of his own town.

1.One must not enter the forbidden woods 2.Those found conversing with evil shall be fined with treason 3.Report anyone who fails to abide by these rules

Yeosang was often reminded of these rules even as he stared into the vast forest from the window of his home. The sparse glimpses were just enough to lure him to it. Only to be snapped back to reality mere seconds later. "You're staring again," Stated Wooyoung, the young blonde's roommate. He was often the one to take him out of his traces, which was obviously never appreciated.

"And what about it?" Was his grumpy reply. The older male lounged by the window, his frowning face resting on its cill. "Is it so wrong that I long for a bit of adventure in this godforsaken town? What is there to do here anyway?" He heard Wooyoung hum. The older's moment of indolence was interrupted when a basket of bread was shoved into his arms.

"You can make yourself useful and send this to Mr Kim. I am sure he would appreciate seeing your face. It's not like anyone really does nowadays..." Yeosang scoffed at the way he simply walked off, leaving him with the chores. One Wooyoung himself was meant to do yesterday, in fact. Working at a local bakery to earn their living, they spend plenty of their time delivering bread and baked goods to the villagers of their town.

However, recently, Yeosang couldn't bring himself to so much as leave the house. Why? It simply wasn't worth it. Nothing in this tiny town of tedious troubles was worth leaving the comfort of his home for. Apparently, Wooyoung seemed to think otherwise, and shouted for his roommate to get going.

Begrudgingly, the young male trudged out of his home, hissing at the bright rays of the blinding sun above him. Mr Kim's house was on the other side of town. A walk that, when strode with purpose, wouldn't take more than fifteen minutes. However, for Yeosang, there was no ambition in the way he ambled through the village streets. Annoyance was the only feeling present and it made it difficult for him to care about his final destination.

Yeosang stared at the sky as he walked down the road, potentially looking like some sort of mad man due to his uneven stride. It was because of this wonky walk that he began to inch towards the outskirts of the town. He smacked his head, cursing himself for being so clumsy yet didn't change course. Instead, his eyes travelled towards the groves.

They were so uncanny yet so alluring. Why were the forbidden woods forbidden? It was something Yeosang had always wondered. Whether he knew it or not, his legs began to shift towards the forest. Each step he took gave him a greater sense of enthusiasm as his thoughts became clouded by what may lay ahead of him. It wasn't long before he was in.

His world was encased in instant darkness, surrounded by black plants and ominous glowing eyes. Vines more akin to snakes, bugs the size of monsters and what was once a blinding sun was now a desolate moon resting comfortably in the night sky. The atmosphere was nothing but eerie and to any normal person, uncomfortable. Yet Yeosang found a strange sense of solace in this peculiar setting, urging him to continue his trek forward. He brought out one of the loaves of bread in the basket meant for Mr Kim and munched on it with a grin.

He wondered if Mr Kim would be looking for his delivery and out of curiosity, glanced back to see how far he had walked. To his surprise, there was not a hint of sunlight in sight, when he could've sworn he hadn't been walking for that long. Frantically, his eyes travelled for some hint of familiarity. Yet there was nothing.

The wind blew through the forest, intruding on the thin sleeves of Yeosang's shirt. He shivered, feeling a sudden urge to be back at home by his fireplace. To achieve this, however, he would need to find a way out of here. He would need to think of a plan before one of those eyes watching him decided to strike.

A low growl filled the blonde's ears and it was just enough to send him sprinting. Yeosang dropped the basket of bread, using all of his strength to dash through the deeper parts of the forest. Constantly glancing behind him, he could still hear whatever the creature was chasing after him. It all came to a halt when Yeosang's foot collided with a tree root, sending tumbling to the ground. He screamed, rolling and falling from what felt like an endless cliff until he finally pummeled to the dirt floor. Yeosang groaned in agony and clutched his bruised stomach.

After collecting his fleeting breaths, the male trembled to his feet, eyes going wide at what he had landed in front of. It was a mansion. Yeosang didn't give himself much time to admire its dark exterior before he scrambled to the front door.

Isolated and seemingly left to the harsh elements outside, the house was lifeless. Cobwebs rested in the rooms corners, sheets covered the living room furniture and when Yeosang removed them he was met with a whirlwind of dust. The holes in the floorboards made him cautious of every step he took. Each one followed by the pained croak of the wood beneath him - all on the first floor. He hadn't even gotten to the staircase yet.

From the brief glance he had gotten from outside, the mansion was huge. Far too big for its inhabitants, regardless of how many may have resided there.

The waxy smell of candles filled Yeosang's senses. Torches? Here? In such a desolate place? A shiver ran down the hairs of his neck as the familiar breeze from outside blew through the room, fizzling out the candles and removing any sources of light. Ignoring his natural instinct to run, Yeosang followed the vague smell of smoke emitting from the once lit sticks, now faced with a wide and winding staircase. His eyes went to the interesting paintings on the wall, each of a dignified noble.

The one that intrigued him the most, was of a young man. Though his sight was limited, Yeosang could clearly see his distinct features and sharp red eyes. He was, dare you say, ethereal.

"Well now, what an interesting surprise," Yeosang whipped around. His heartbeat quickened at the massive shadow casting over his small frame. The same glowing eyes as in the painting stared down at him, only now, they were going right through his soul. "A human? How peculiar..."

Yeosang wasn't sure what to do, and from the looks of it, neither did the stranger. They both just stared at one another, examining the other's features. His hair shady blonde, several large strands sticking out, and dark eyebrows creased with unpredictable intent. It was difficult to see, with the only reliable light source coming from the stranger's bright red pupils but it was enough to keep Yeosang captivated.

After one minute of silent gawking, the blonde cleared his throat. "Are you not going to say anything?" This question snapped the older man out of his odd trance, as he leaned closer to Yeosang as if to be sure he had heard him correctly.

"Pardon me?"

"Why are you so silent? I would expect you to at least have some sort of reaction other than confusion. Maybe anger? Irritation? I have broken into your home after all. As...grim as it is, a home nonetheless." The stranger did nothing but blink at such a statement. His evident confusion made Yeosang scoff. "Of course, you're a homeless man that lives in the woods. That must be the reason it is forbidden. It is for the unemployed."

Expecting to just be able to walk off, Yeosang moved away from the man, only to be yanked right back. The stranger glared down at him, his eyes now baring a furious crimson, opposed to their neutral colour before. Yeosang gulped, the man's hand looming over his throat, the other raised. Yet instead of a strike, he snapped his finger. The candles were suddenly relit, giving Yeosang back his full vision.

The man's pale skin accentuated his eyes and his lips were a light shade of pink. His teeth...Oh...now Yeosang understood. Deadly sharp canines pointing out as he dragged his tongue over his upper lip, relishing in the new found fear on the human's face. "Y-You're...a vampire..."

"Well now, don't you catch on quickly? Not quick enough, however," The vampire got ready to bare his fangs, only to be sharply interrupted by the pure look glee on Yeosang's face.

"Amazing!" He cheered, to the pure bewilderment of the vampire in front of him. He was so shocked, that he stood a step back from the smiling male.

"Are you alright?" He asked with genuine concern. "That's not usually the first response someone has when meeting a vampire..."

"Why is that? What could be better than this? You're a vampire for god sake! And by far the most interesting thing to walk into my life!" The vampire didn't like the sound of that, and as far as he was concerned the only thing he planned to do was suck his blood and throw his body outside for the wolves. Yeosang, on the other hand, seemed to have much different plans in mind. "I'm Yeosang, and you are?"

Understandably, the vampire was hesitant to answer anything to this strange man. Yet he told himself that the sooner he got this over with, the quicker he could help himself to a meal. "Seonghwa..." Though the way he phrased it, he sounded unsure. Not the Yeosang minded, or even noticed.

"You're a rather strange human..." He murmured. "Why...?"

"Did you just ask me when I'm strange?" Yeosang gawked at the oddity of this sort of question. Yet it seemed Seonghwa was genuinely expecting an answer. As absurd as it sounded, the blonde shrugged at him. "Boredom will do that, I suppose."

"Bored? Why are you bored?"

"You ask quite a lot of questions, you know that Seonghwa?" The vampire lowered his head, apologising under his breath. His sincerity made Yeosang giggle. It was clear that he didn't interact with many people. Not that there would be many people to talk to in the forbidden forest anyway. "I'm bored because my village is miserable to live in. Nothing ever happens and I would much rather be anywhere in the word but that dull dump."

"I suppose that would explain a bit..." Seonghwa finally saw the way Yeosang, clutched his stomach from his fall earlier and furrowed his brow. "You're hurt..."

"I fell..." The younger murmured in repose. He heard Seonghwa sigh and before he knew it, he was hoisted into the vampire's arms. "H-Hold on! What are you-"

"You're wounded and I refuse to let you walk around injured." Faster than Yeosang could have imagined, the vampire sped to the top of the stairs and into a bedroom. In the blink of an eye, they arrived at a new location and Yeosang was amazed by Seonghwa's speed. He was gently placed on the soft fabrics of the bed and left to get comfortable while the vampire fetched a few bandages. In contrast to the rooms on the first floor, the second level of the mansion, this room, in particular, was practically spotless. Purple wallpaper, black carpet and a pretty, candlelit chandelier to brighten it up - this room was much more to Yeosang's liking.

"Remove your shirt," Seonghwa instructed. Yeosang did as he was told and slipped his long-sleeved shirt off. The vampire sat down next to him and began to clean his wounds. There was silence between them, as Seonghwa focussed on Yeosang's torso rather than the human himself. Yet Yeosang's eyes kept travelling to the vampire's face. His features were absolutely exquisite and the longer he stared the more drawn to him he became.

Questions began to circulate in the young male's mind, and he was dying for some answers. "What are you doing alone here? The forbidden woods are quite dangerous you know..."

Seonghwa chuckled. "I could ask you the exact same. What's a human of all creatures doing so deep in here?" Blush rose to Yeosang's cheeks at the memory of the embarrassing fall he had and the way he had gotten lost so easily.

"I asked first, didn't I?" Seonghwa could hear how defensive his tone had gotten, but laughed regardless.

"I've always been here," He replied. "It's my home after all." Yeosang hummed. It was a simple response but he supposed it made sense. He winced when Seonghwa pressed down just a little too hard on his stomach, causing the vampire to apologise immediately.

"It's alright...But...When are you alone?"

The older paused. His gaze went dark for a moment, evidently trying not to look towards Yeosang and frighten him. "You may want to ask the people in your little village that." He hissed. The moment his torso was wrapped up, Seonghaw stood to his feet, allowing Yeosang to put his shirt back on. His eyes travelled towards the window, something interesting catching his attention. Just outside the house was, what could only be described as a graveyard of plants. A part of Yeosang wondered how nice it would be to fix it up.

Yet before he could dwell on the thought, the vampire said that caught his attention. "You're all done. I'll escort you back to your town so you don't get lost on the way back."

"No!" Yeosang shouted to Seonghwa's surprise. "I can't go back! There's nothing for me there. Please...Allow me to stay with you."

"You can't..."

"Why not? I'm not scared to live with a vampire!" Seonghwa growled. Before he knew it, the human was shoved to the bed, his back hitting the soft cushion below him. Yeosang moved to pull himself up but was pushed right back down. The same hand that had held him to the mattress slowly began to caress the soft skin on his cheek.

"You're not scared because I'm not allowing you to be. If I wanted you to be scared, it would've been when I sucked you dry of the delicious blood in your system," Shivers were the only thing Yeosang felt, as Seonghwa's cold fingers traced his face. "You can't survive in this forest. You may not feel anything now, but trust me, you will."

"S-Seonghwa..."

"And that's why I'm taking you back." Once again, he was hoisted into the vampire's arms, this time, protesting by shouting and smacking at his chest. All his efforts were in vain, however, as Seonghwa was able to speed through the forest with ease, hardly phased by Yeosang's difficult reaction.

It was pitch dark once they arrived at the village. Not a soul in sight. Just the way Seonghwa wanted it. With that, he tossed Yeosang onto the ground. He watched, his hand on his hip and a blank, yet still amused, expression as he watched him roll to his feet. Yet again, they stared at each other. Yeosang noticed the way the vampire bit the inside of his cheek like he was holding himself back.

"Am I ever going to see you again?" The human asked. Seonghwa hated the way his eyes fell. His hands went to Yeosang's face, surprised when the younger blonde didn't even flinch. His soft lips pecked his forehead and Seonghwa smiled at him.

"Not without reason," He told him. "It is forbidden for you to converse with evil. I don't wish to cause you any trouble." The soft hold on Yeosang's face began to slip and away, and he instantly attempted to grab it back, trying to feel what little warmth the vampire's cold body had to offer. It made Seonghwa's face soften. "Though our first encounter may have been short-lived, had the circumstances been different, I would have loved to see you again, Yeosang."

Then he left. Leaving nothing but a breeze and Yeosang, frozen in grief. His one taste of life. Gone before his eyes. Slowly, he drew his hand back, solemnly realising that it was left where Seonghwa's hand once was.

The blonde trudged back to his home, a new wave of exhaustion washing over him. He lit a candle and made his way through the empty house. There was usually a light or two no matter how late it was. Wooyoung must have been out. Yeosang shrugged it off though, too tired to so much as think of where his loud roommate may be.

Seconds within touching the bed, Yeosang was out like a light. There was only one thought on his mind when he went to sleep that night.

Seonghwa.

That same name was on his mind even as he was shaken awake that very night. A plank of wood harshly slammed onto the back of the young male, causing him to cry in pain as he slowly inched up. Yet, to his surprise, it wasn't only Wooyoung standing over him, but guards and the local priest as well. "What's going on? What are you doing in my room?"

"Kang Yeosang, you have been fined with high treason." The guard stated bluntly.

"And for what?" He shouted back, sliding off of his bed. "What crime have I committed?"

The priest stepped forward, a book and bottle of mysterious liquid in his hand. "I can sense it all over you," He ominously spat. "The scent of evil. You reek of dark magic!" Yeosang scoffed at such an accusation. His eyes travelled to Wooyoung, expecting the younger to say something. Yet he did nothing.

"It's true. I saw him leave the forest with a vampire..."

"What? Wooyoung..." His roommate did nothing but watch with a cold face as the guards grabbed Yeosang's arms and began pulling him out. His kicks and screams were useless and they managed to tear him from his house with no strain.

Yeosang wasn't sure how long he had been knocked out, or when he was even knocked out for that matter, but when he awoke his eyes went wide. Surrounded by his fellow town's folk, each scowling with disgust, his arms tied behind his back and to a wooden pole a few feet off the ground. It took a moment too long for him to adjust to his surroundings because the moment he came to, the torches were already moving towards him.

"On this day, we rid ourselves of the evil that has invaded our town," When the priest said those words, the crowd shouted in approval, leaving Yeosang to tremble at the stake. "Darkness has filled this boy's mind and he has allowed it to poison him! And for that, he must be made an example."

Fear was all Yeosang felt, his arms desperately trying to free themselves from the thick rope surrounding him. Then he saw it. The bright flames of torches shining in his direction. And with two words, he could see his life flash before his very eyes: "Burn him."

Panic rose through Yeosang's body and then, terror. A terrified scream left the petrified boy's mouth. His legs kicked and wiggled as the fire raced towards him. He could feel its flames begin to pierce his soft flesh.

This is it.

He wept, eyes filling with tears. Yet before Yeosang could feel the true burn of the fire, a violent breeze swept through the village. People were pushed back, their arms thrown up to block the winds while the fire at Yeosang's feet flickered. Screams echoed from the crowd when the priest suddenly fell to the ground. His face pale and his neck impaled by fangs.

Before Yeosang could so much as react, his bondage was cut, leaving him to fall to the ground. Instead of hitting the floor though, he fell right into a pair of strong arms. "S-Seonghwa?" The blonde marvelled.

"You idiot..." Sure enough, the vampire stood over him, blood staining his lips and a bit of his chin. His dark figure, while frightening, was still radiant under the bright rays of the moon.

"D-Did you kill the-"

"There's no time," By now, the townsfolk had recovered from their shock and the sight of the bloody demon laying ahead of them as well as their dead priest quickly turned them to an aggressive mob. The dark grimaces of abhorrence were enough to signal anyone with a functioning brain to run.

So without wasting another second, Seonghwa fixed Yeosang in his grip, allowing his eyes to wander towards him, saying: "You'll be alright," before rushing as fast as vampirically possible out of the town. Yeosang held onto Seonghwa the whole way. His eyes were pressed shut, not daring to be reopened even if he knew they were far from the village.

Whether he liked it or not, it was still his home. Boring and uneventful as it was. Now, he could never return.

Yeosang felt his body become weak the moment his feet touched the floor of Seonghwa's house. He was supported only by the arms of the vampire holding him. The adrenaline was wearing off. "Are you alright?"

The human's throat felt parched all of a sudden, too dry to elicit a single word. Seonghwa took note of his lack of response and perceived it as exhaustion. "It's okay. I'll take you upstairs." Opposed to last time, where Seonghwa carried him, the vampire opted to walk next to Yeosang while they made their way up the stairs, slowly but surely.

The last thing Seonghwa wanted to do was overwhelm the younger. Especially in the state he was in. So when Yeosang finished hobbling up the stairs, Seonghwa thought it would be best to leave him be once he was under the covers of the blanket. Yet a slight tug on his sleeve kept him in place. "Stay...?" The human pleaded, his voice soft and frail, nearly on the edge of breaking.

"Yeosang, you should rest. I shouldn't-"

"Please..." It was so strained. Hardly a whisper escaping those chard lips of his. This human, so frail and weak, with an attitude like fire - Seonghwa found him hard to resist. As idiotic as he thought he was for actively seeking danger. Nevertheless, the vampire slipped off his coat and circled to the other side of the bed. The two never broke eye contact, not even as Seonghwa rested himself under the soft fabrics of the bed.

Yeosang shifted closer, Seonghwa did the same. Though his body may be cold, his eyes felt warm, filling the blonde with a strange sense of hope and safety.

That was how Yeosang ended spending years with the vampire. Two years, to be exact. He kept Seonghwa company, entertaining him with plentiful banter and silent nights of comfort. Yeosang lived off the foods in the forest and despite not having to eat, Seonghwa had proved to be an excellent chef. Every night, he would provide the human something better than the last. The two had even taken to fixing the unruly first floor of the house. It was a good way to spend time with one another.

They would curl up with one another on the couch, staring at the blazing fire, try, and fail, to bake, and never hesitated to be in the comfort of the other. Seonghwa treated Yeosang as if he were the most precious being on Earth. Rubbing away his sores and attending to his every need. He'd even massage his shoulders as they sat together in the bath.

Yeosang spent much of his time in the back of the manor, tending to the garden of black roses that rested outside its dark walls. He smiled contently at how he had managed to turn this dishevelled swarm of weeds into something lush and wonderfully atmospheric.

"They're gorgeous," Marvelled Seonghwa. The vampire strutted over to the smaller, amazed at the beautiful array of midnight flowers. "Never did I think I would see this garden return to its former glory. Yet you've done it. A true miracle worker you are."

Yeosang giggled at such a compliment. Seonghwa didn't fail to notice the way he tucked his hair behind his ear, a sly grin starting to form on the vampire's face. Carefully, he plucked one of the roses, cautious of their thorns. Its scent was heavenly and when he handed it to Yeosang, the human caught a whiff of its amazing blackberry-like smell.

"For the most radiant person the world has gifted me, not even a rose from the most stunning depths of heaven could compare to you, Yeosang." The blonde, taken aback by such a proclamation, allowed his face to grow warm at Seonghwa's words of sentiment.

"When did you become such a poet?" He chuckled, head facing downwards to hide the blush. Yet he let Seonghwa slowly lift it back up, a gentle smile on his ethereal face.

"The day I became so in love with you, of course."

However, not all was well. Over time, Yeosang began to feel his body start to give out on him. Basic things such as moving felt near impossible for his feeble form. Seonghwa had warned him of the risks of living in the forbidden forest. It was a realm for those of dark descent. A land that would practically shatter the soul of any human if they so foolishly chose to stay.

By the first month in the woods, he was sleeping for longer. By the sixth month, he was hardly awaking at all. One year later, he had lost his appetite, and by two years...

Seonghwa kept the human in his arms, holding him close to his chest as he stroked his soft locks. "Stupid human, I told you..." His face had grown pale, his eyes gone dull and his hair a sickly shade of grey. "You'll be alright, Yeosang. Just hang on a little longer, will you?"

"Seonghwa..." His voice, once firm and commanding, was relegated to nothing but a vague whisper. "T-Take care of the r-roses..."

"No, no stop that! You're not going anywhere!" The weak chuckle he received nearly broke Seonghwa's heart.

"I know y-you don't know the f-first thing about p-plants...but do it...for me?" Tears welled in Yeosang's lifeless eyes that Seonghwa gently brushed away. He could do nothing but hold him tighter, promising that he would do whatever was asked of him.

"Just stay with me," Was all he pleaded in return, even if he knew it was hopeless. Gently, a hand as cold as Seonghwa's cupped his cheek. A sweet smile was the most Yeosang could offer him, but it was just enough. His desolate eyes, although hollow still told him that everything would be okay. The last thing Yeosang wanted to see was him cry.

So he gathered the remainder of his fleeing breaths and told him: "You've made every part of my life worth living. And for that, I will always be grateful. I don't have much, but I hope my love is just enough to repay your kindness." Before resting his eyes.

Never to be opened again in this lifetime.

There he was, left with the body of the first and last man he would ever love. Why god? Why? He didn't deserve this...Seonghwa kept his eyes up, for he knew the moment he looked down at the corpse in his arms, he would be sent to an unending world of grief.

With much anguish, he tucked Yeosang under the blankets of his velvet, purple bed. Seonghwa placed one final kiss on his forehead, before exiting the room. The clicking of the key in its hole was the last activity he would ever hear from that door, as he tossed the object to reopen it through an open window just ahead.

His hands clawed at his hair, desperately attempting to not let his thoughts get the better of him. Yet there was one thought lingering in his mind. And it came from that damn village.

As Wooyoung cleaned off his hands, he whistled a light tune to himself. A soothing sound to scathe off that irritating tinge of guilt had still been feeling. It had been two years, yet even now he thought back to his lost friend. "He was asking for it," He told himself for what could have been the hundredth time. "He shouldn't have wanted to go into that forest so badly, now that damn vampire's killed him..."

"You sound like a man with no regrets. Now that doesn't sound very right to me," Wooyoung froze. A strange breeze blew through the windows of his home, a large shadow casting over his shaking frame. Seonghwa hissed when he didn't turn to face him, yanking by the shoulders and harshly shoving him against the wall.

Wooyoung stared in horror at the obscene amount of blood staining the man's attire. Lips red with metallic liquid of a human's inside spilt gleefully on his pale face. His eyes showed no mercy and no semblance of goodwill. "He wouldn't want you to do this! T-This won't bring him back!"

The dark chuckle rumbling in Seonghwa's throat only told Wooyoung that this wasn't someone willing to be reasoned with. "I know, but sure will make me feel a hell of a lot better."

[ravenbrenna09]

This year has brought about so much change in all of us and, mostly, to us—some of it is good and some of it is bad. But, I’ve gained so much in the past year and a vast majority of it is because of some Belgium television show that dragged me into a multiverse of love and adoration and acceptance. So I wanted to thank you all, truly, for all the love and help that you’ve given me over the past twelve months because fuck this world—and this year and fandom—would not be the same to all of you. 

also: i love all of you.

@peaceoutofthepieces: nat, you’ve been one of my greatest friends. our conversations about our fics is something that i’ve cherished. watching you write Sink or Swim—then turn around and write all your Christmas fics—has been absolutely amazing and I’m so proud of all that you’ve accomplished. thank you so much for being my friend. 

@everyone-has-their-story: thank you so much for being my friend. our friendship started over some obscure question i had for how i wanted to end Jij Verliest and it morphed into some so near and dear to me. i love our conversations about what’s going on in our lives and i hope it never stops. 

@tsjernobyl: thank you for listening to me in my random spurts of drabble and one-shot ideas that i might not ever write that i spontaneously ask you about late at night to get your opinion and listening to me talk about harry potter aus (though, i still think you should write all shackles and bows). you are such an amazing and wonderful friend and i hope you know that i’m sending you lots of virtual hugs. 

@sonderthroughthestreets: thank you so much for all of your love and support on everything. our conversations of robbe in skinny jeans and our own writing slumps at 3am are near and dear to my heart. i love our “my place or yours/please say yours” rights. 

@cindylouwhos: you’ve helped me so much and there’s no way i will ever be able to repay you. you helped me get into giffing, listening to all my dumb questions about it, and helped me so much when i was writing jij verliest. thank you so much for all your help and thank you so much for bringing me into the alt er love server.

@womenstan: thank you so much for all of the support you’ve given me in the server—both in study-group and overall. you’re such an amazing and beautiful person who is so unapologetically yourself that it’s inspiring. you’re an amazing friend and i love all of our conversations. 

@norangensft: jenna, thank you so much for all of our talks about wtfock and robbe! your paint me in trust story gave me the distraction i needed during a tough time and i will be forever grateful to you. we might not talk as much anymore but i hope that you are doing well. 

to the alt er love server: i’m sorry i can’t tag everyone. i don’t have everyone on tumblr and i don’t remember all of your urls—i’m looking at you maxences—but thank you so much for all of you. you guys are so welcoming and supportive of anyone and everyone who walks in. i love you all and love seeing all your weird and crazy chats that you talk about. i missed emo hours earlier but please know that i will love and cherish all of you for the rest of my life. like jess said, it’s like walking into a living room with all of your friends. this crackpot of a year would be NOTHING without this server. 

@robbesdriesen: bianca, thank you so much for all of your support. being able to talk with you about a sobbe enemies-to-lovers has been so enlightening as we both struggle to figure out a possibility that makes sense for them. all of our random talks are so fun and i can’t wait to see what we both come with next.  

@luludemauryyy: thank you so much for all of our conversations that we’ve had over the past year. all of our chats mean the world to me from our talks about our stories to those about wtfock and skams to those that are more personal. being able to talk with you about it is so amazing and i love being able to talk with you. 

@driesenrobbe: becca, I know you’re not on tumblr right now (and that’s perfectly okay), but I couldn’t make this list without talking about you. thank you so much for all of our long conversations about random things. they mean so much to me, being able to just sit down and type responses out to all of your messages. i love looking on my phone and seeing a notification from you makes my day. 

@sander-klaas: fahmeen, i love you so much. you’ve supported me so much over the past year through my stories that i don’t think i will ever be able to repay you. i hope you’re being given as much love as you give because you absolutely deserve all the love in the entire world. i can’t wait to see what you create. 

@birthdaysentiment: cille, i love seeing all your tags on things. seriously. as soon as you like something, i can’t wait to see what you’ve written. all of your support and love means so much to me and i’m forever grateful for it. 

even more amazing people who deserve ALL the love and i’m eternally grateful for:

@to-enter-polaris, @luxandobscurus, @mijnlief, @driesendotkom, @carolineskam, @pduwd, @fatoudixon, @earthling-isa, @theflowerisblue, @itubainaretro, @dagcutie, @sunflowerlallemant, @welcometo-saturn, @kieutu, @hopetofantasy, @fatouuuu, @joanabianchi, @mailinrichter, @sanabakkoushd, @isakyaqi, @alcxmcrcer, @kritiquer, @noramachwtz, @mirroroferisedx, @alinok,  @zoesrobbe, @thebestoftimes, @pepethehobbit, @dreamy-slytherin, @lolasluquette, @gele-gordijnen, and @fangfaceandrea. 

if i forgot a name or didn’t tag you, you deserve all of the love in this world and i hope your day (or evening) is beautiful and amazing and bright. i love you all so much. thank you for making this year so so special to me. 

[if-music-be-the-food-of-love]

hiii ally! how are you my dear? hope you're enjoying this sunday! idk if you're still taking the asks for "fanfic end of the year asks" and idk if you've already done these, but i'll ask for 3 + 15 + 23. sending lots of hugs and kusjes to you! <333

Heyyyy Cille!! 💕💕 You're so sweet. I'm doing well this fine, partly sunny Sunday! 😌 I have a cup of coffee and a cat in my lap. I'm good, lol. I hope you're doing well!! 🥰 I'm jealous of your snow. Ours melted by evening the other day. If only we could have snow and not be cold at the same time...

Unfortunately, I already answered all of those questions. 3, 15, 23

BUT, since I did dialogue for number 3 (favorite line/scene), I'll add my favorite non-dialogue moment from ch 1 of iwia.

"The lights in the flat were off, and just as he put his things down and moved to turn on the light, he spied a figure on the couch. He moved to check on them, and what he saw changed his world forever. His vision blurred momentarily and then narrowed, zeroing in on Sander. It was like he’d been seeing the world through a wide lens, and now he had a microscope.

Sander lay on his back asleep, shirtless, one arm arced over his head and the other resting solidly on Amelia’s back. She lay directly on his sternum, wearing nothing but a diaper, butt bumped up in the air and fingers curled in his light chest hair.

Robbe’s heart stopped. His everything stopped. He stared and realized he couldn’t stop staring. Shit. Shitshitshit. Oh shit. Robbe had never seen anything so sexy and wholesome in his whole life. They were perfect. He wanted them so much his heart ached. He wanted them to be his. His family. They were his perfect family."

Bonus: I'll answer 18 (current number of wips)

3 (?) - a buddie fic i started in a fit of writing distraction, more bonus chapters of iwia, and a sobbe oneshot. I'm actually working on turning that koala Robbe drabble (by request) into a short oneshot, so hopefully that will be out in the next week. 😌

Thank you for asking!! Have a lovely day! 💕💕 💕💕

End of the Year Fanfic Ask Game

[indimlights]

✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯  and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 43: MORE TAPE(S)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Extreme Smut

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE!

Two days had passed and you were back home in Dublin, confronted with a sex-tape between Cillian and his assistant Kit that, by now, had spread like wildfire, making you uncomfortable and emotional every time a notification popped up on your social media accounts, alerting you to the video. All of your friends and acquaintances had, by now, sent this to you and you were sick of it.

Reaching for his phone, Cillian shut off the recording, unable to bear witnessing further humiliation in front of you. The walls of his luxury apartment closed in on him, suffocating in an oppressive shroud of shame.

"My own daughter has seen this and so has my son! Fuck!" Cillian groaned aloud, pacing agitatedly in the room. He turned to you with a look of desperation, his eyes pleading for understanding. Despite your resignation to the fact, your heart went out to him, feeling sympathy and guilt for placing him in this predicament.

"You know you can sue her for this, right?" you suggested hesitantly, clasping his hands softly, trying to offer whatever solace you could provide. Though your intentions were pure, you couldn't help but notice Cillian's reluctance.

"No, this would make things worse, I think," Cillian responded solemnly, running his fingers through his tousled hair in distraction.

A heavy silence settled upon the two of you as reality seeped in – there was no escaping the consequences of this event. No amount of legal action could undo the damage already done.

"Will you at least confront her about it?" you asked, seeing that she had filmed this without his knowledge and then leaked it to the press in spite.

"Yes, I am meeting with her tomorrow. My lawyer has sent her a letter to address the issue privately at first. But legal action? It would just create more publicity which I don't want for Nina's sake," Cillian revealed, looking downward, defeated. 

"I understand, Cills and I think that you should tell her exactly how devastating this is for everyone involved, especially your children. Surely, she can see this. You need to be firm," you advised earnestly, trying to impart strength to his weakening spirit. He nodded gratefully, appreciating your support during this challenging period.

"I will be firm Y/N. I promise," Cillian responded resolutely, pulling away from your touch with newfound determination. He needed to maintain composure now more than ever; letting emotions overwhelm him wouldn't serve anyone's best interest. Instead, it required coolness, levelheadedness, and strategizing. The battle was about to begin, and it wasn't one easily won.

Kit, his once trustworthy employee, had betrayed him in the worst possible way.

The very thought made him nauseous. How could she film them doing something so personal and share it with the entire world? The anger boiling inside of him threatened to consume him entirely.

Walking around aimlessly throughout the day, you noticed his turmoil increasing tenfold. Every step he took echoed with uncertainty and doubt; you could sense that something truly dramatic was about to unfold. After hours of deliberation, Cillian finally decided to take matters into his own hands, requesting a change of scenery.

"We should do something nice after I deal with this tomorrow. Just you and me," he suggested, and you smiled faintly, grateful for any respite from this hellish storm. Glancing at his tired features, a wave of protectiveness swept over you. It was essential to stay strong for him, offering moral support where necessary.

"That sounds perfect. We need a break from all this madness," you agreed, smiling warmly at him. As you looked into his weary eyes, you felt a mix of love, admiration, and concern, knowing just how difficult this whole debacle had become for him.

"How about a trip to somewhere like the Maldives? I have never been there, and Dermont reckons it's quite nice. Just you and me on the beach," Cillian proposed with a sparkle in his eye, as though daring you to imagine the possibility.

Your stomach fluttered, excitement building within you at the prospect of exploring such an idyllic destination while, at the same time, you knew that you could not leave Ireland now without risking being denied re-entry upon your return.

Your visa was about to run out and you needed to address this issue before embarking on a vacation.

"Cillian, I would love to go on a holiday with you, but I can't leave the country right now. My student visa expires soon, and I don't know what to do about it just yet. I am working on it though. But, if I leave Ireland now, I can't return without a new visa in place," you explained sheepishly, avoiding his gaze.

His expression shifted instantly, a mixture of disappointment and frustration flashing across his features.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Cillian murmured softly, his eyes filled with understanding and worry.

Flinching momentarily, you admitted to him the difficulties you faced due to your impending immigration issues.

"Well, you've got your birthday coming up. You also have more important things to worry about at the moment and the premieres next month...I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I was just going to sort it out, but it proved to be much more difficult than I had anticipated, " you said and your words trailed off as your shoulders slumped, indicating your defeat.

Cillian wrapped an arm around your waist tenderly, displaying solidarity amidst adversity.

"Listen Y/N, you are my priority! I will ask my lawyer about this tomorrow after dealing with Kit. There must be an option if you want to stay. You may be able to change your visa to another visa or something," he said, and his tone exhibited care and understanding, allowing you to lean on him for support. "You do want to stay here, don't you?" Cillian questioned, wanting affirmation that his plan for staying together wasn't merely wishful thinking.

"Yes, Cillian. Of course I want to stay here. With you. I love you. Despite, Emma is staying in Ireland too. She is moving to Cork soon, and I want to be close to her as well," you expressed sincerely, locking eyes with him to convey your commitment.

His relief was palpable, and he held you closer still, promising to find a solution.

"Good. I am glad. Because there is no fucking way, I will ever let you go again," Cillian proclaimed confidently, taking charge of both situations which were now overshadowing your happiness.

"Dublin is my home now Cillian, so don't worry!" you replied cheerily but, just as you did, a bound of nausea hit you again, forcing you to make a mad dash to the bathroom.

Cillian, worried, followed behind and gently placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, whispering sweet words of encouragement, easing your anxiety somewhat.

He led you towards the bedroom afterwards, sitting beside you carefully, ensuring you felt comfortable enough to discuss the matter openly, thinking that the nausea was the result of your stress levels lately.

Feeling better physically, Cillian reached for your hand, intertwining your fingers lovingly. His eyes searched yours intently, seeking confirmation of your feelings regarding the situation.

"I hate seeing you like this, because of what Kit has done..." Cillian told you, but you interrupted him.

"No, it's not because of this. I am just hormonal. My cycle is all over the place ever since the surgery and I think that this is why I feel sick sometimes, "you tried to explain your condition, hoping that he understood the physical strain it put on you.

Cillian nodded sympathetically, wrapping you tightly in his arms, providing much-needed comfort.

"You should probably see someone about this again," he offered kindly, genuine concern evident in his voice. Your brow furrowed slightly in response, sensing the underlying undertone of concern rather than dismissal.

"I will, once you have dealt with Kit," you conceded, pondering the idea seriously for the first time. Your health had always taken a backseat, considering the recent surgeries and recoveries, coupled with the chaos surrounding the scandal. And perhaps this constant stress wasn't helping either.

"No, let's make sure we prioritise your health," Cillian remarked solemnly, adding weight to the conversation.

"Okay, I will get an appointment scheduled," you promised reluctantly, aware that the stress might eventually cause serious complications. Nevertheless, you couldn't help feeling irritated that these small concerns seemed to dominate most of your life currently.

With an aching heart, you glanced at your lover, acknowledging the gravity of the situation involving Kit and what you suggested next caught Cillian by suprise.

"You know, maybe, we should do something a little bit adventurous. Maybe this will take our minds off this video your crazy ass assistant shared on the internet," you teased playfully, your lips curling into a wicked smile.

"What do you have in mind?" Cillian asked, intrigued, as his eyebrows raised salaciously, a gleam of mischief lighting up his eyes.

"Something kinkier than anything we've done before," you told him before sliding down onto his lap.

"Okay. You have my attention. Tell me what you want to do," Cillian asked eagerly, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

A delicious thrill coursed through your veins as you contemplated the possibilities. The seductive power dynamics between you two made the air thick with sexual energy.

"I want us to explore some boundaries," you began slowly, savoring the taste of the forbidden fruit.

As you breathed heavily, trying to steady yourself against his chest, you continued, "And do things that we haven't even talked about."

Cillian swallowed hard, his breath catching. "Like what?" he ventured hesitantly, a hint of trepidation crossing his face.

You grinned wickedly, running your tongue along your bottom lip.

"Well, you are an actor, aren't you? So, how about some role play?"  You suggested coquettishly, letting your imagination run wild with various ideas dancing inside your head.

"I am all ears," Cillian said, his curiosity piqued.

"Well, we could pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time at a hotel. Then we could indulge in our fantasies, testing boundaries in our roles – teacher and student, doctor and patient, maybe even a dominant and submissive scenario," you mentioned, excited by the thought of turning the tables and experiencing each other differently.

"And we will film it, but just for us," you added, causing a wave of nervousness to ripple through him. Cillian hesitated briefly, his mind processing everything rapidly. Finally, he took a deep breath and accepted the challenge.

"I need to buy a camera first," he started, finally breaking the silence that hung heavy in the room. 

"Of course," you agreed, smiling warmly. The intensity of the discussion had increased exponentially, and your body burned with desire. It was almost painful to contain yourself, longing to experience the scenarios you discussed. As you kissed passionately, tangled limbs entwined in an erotic dance of pleasure, but your excitement was short lived as, suddenly, the doorbell rang startling you both.

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