#neil’s is making me sob why would i write that

[rubylaurus]

just found these in an old tiktok i never published (going thru them cause i’m american rip) and i’m literally crying

[soap-ify]

soap x fem! reader

soap acts mean with you after he caught you humping your teddy while he was out

wc 1.6k

cw degradation, spanking, p in v, pussy slaps, implied dacryphilia ??, orgasm denial, basically johnny being a meanie who loves mocking your voice (neil reference!!)

notes guys i only uses like little scottish vocab because i'm SCARED to try and write a scottish accent, buy i will surely do it in the future !! just don't wanna butcher it right now.

18+ under cut, mdni.

"johnny! please, i'm so close!"

johnny's voice rang in the bedroom, laced with mockery while he purposely tried to make it high-pitched enough to mimic your voice. a wolfish grin adorned his lips as he watched you struggle on top of your teddy pink, your hips twitching and grinding clumsily, you being bare except that shirt you were wearing — which you had seemingly borrowed from him.

"f-fuck you..." you would sob out, your voice nothing but sweet despite the frustration lingering on it.

it all had started off when johnny had caught you humping on your teddy like the needy little thing you are, loud moans leaving your lips. he had just came back home from buying some groceries, and you just couldn't control your needs for a few hours, could you?

you were an embarrassed mess once you had spotted him from the corner of your eyes as he stood at the door of your shared bedroom, his royal blue eyes watching you in amusement. you were quick to hop off your teddy and cover your botton half with a blanket, cheeks all pink whilst excuses and babbles left your lips. "sorry, johnny... didn't mean to! got so needy i just..." you whined in embarrassment, all frustrated and needy from not reaching your climax, yet somewhat ashamed at the same time for being caught.

"tch, such a naughty lil' lass you are." he clicked his tongue and folded his arms, feigning betrayal as a frustrated pout adorned his lips. "havin' fun all without me?" he grumbled under his breath, taking heavy long steps towards the bed, his eyes darkening up a bit.

"go on. why did ya stop, bonnie? don't want me watchin' you?"

that's how you found yourself back on your cute big teddy, arms slung around the big head as you tried to steady yourself, tired legs trembling whilst your wet, aching cunt rubbed against the teddy's torso, your lips letting out soft whimpers.

"oh, come on. my baby wasn't moaning so quietly earlier." johnny chuckled and playfully delivered a gentle smack on your plush ass, his fingers kneading onto the soft flesh before letting it go, callused hands grabbing your waist and lifting you up your teddy with ease.

he was quick to flip you on your stomach and pin your down on the bed, straddling you from above. "fuckin' naughty lass, can't even fuck the poor teddy properly." he clicked his tongue, feigning frustration as his hands moved from your waist and back to your ass, right hand raising up to deliver a harsh slap that was enough to make you sob and bury your face in the soft plush of the pillows.

"what happened to oh please, johnny! or wanna cum so bad!, eh?" he sneered, using that high pitched voice of his once again. he had this sick habit of always mocking your moans and pleas, loving the way you would hide your face in embarrassment while your eyes would tear. you didn't mind it tho, did you? it was all fun, and in the end, he loved you too much to actually hurt your feelings.

"sorry... just want you so bad, can't think anymore..." you would babble in between your sniffles, head turning back a bit to look at him with those teary eyes of yours that were enough to make him melt internally.

"poor baby." he cooed, leaning down to press soft kisses on the back of your neck, your brain going all mushy at the sudden affection. "can't do it on your own, mmh? only need your johnny's cock, right?" he whispered lovingly, that familiar condescending tone lacing his words, making your hips twitch in his grasp.

you were such a mess right now, your ass stinging from the slaps whilst your cunt was a big wet mess, thighs quivering in need while tears streaked your cheeks, your hands grasping onto your teddy and pulling it next to you so you could cuddle it. "please, johnny..." you sobbed quietly, squirming impatiently beneath his weight.

johnny rolled his eyes, pretending to be exhausted of your pleas as he gripped your waist and flipped you on your back, eliciting a surprised squeek from your lips. "actin' like a bitch in heat." he clicked his tongue, his hand quick to snake down to palm your slippery cunt, his thumb pressing down on your clit. his cock was throbbing in his jeans, aching to be free though he resisted the urge, for now.

his fingers would gently dip into your folds to collect the slick precum, slowly spreading it all over your cunty. he was just filthy like that, loved painting everything in your slick. just as you thought he was going to be gentle and take care of you, his raised his hand to gently slap your needy cunt, causing you to squirm in surprise, thick tears rolling down your cheeks.

"this is what you get for not being good and touching yourself without me, m'eudail." he growled in your ear, royal blue eyes flicking up and down your splayed out body — taking in the sight of your tear-streaked face and messy hair, the shirt - his shirt that you were wearing now all hiked up to reveal your tummy, your spread out legs and your flushed cunt. such a messy thing, all for him.

"s'okay, bonnie. gonna make you feel so good that you will forget 'bout anythin' else that could give you pleasure." he grinned cheekily, hands impatiently undoing his jeans, tugging him down alongside his boxers to reveal his cock — a nice length of 7.5 inches, curved and uncut, and oh fuck was it girthy.

his hands would guide your knees to press up against your chest, your hands immedietly supporting your thighs, cheeks flushed in embarrassment while your whole cunt was in full display. "fuckin' gorgeous." he hissed, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your pouty lips before he pulled back and pressed the raging swollen tip of his cock against the entrance of your heat, causing you to gasp and tense up.

"ssh, relax. s'gonna feel so good." he whispered gently, a stark contrast from his earlier mean behavior. he would press kisses on your temple to calm you down, a shy smile forming on your lips as your sniffled, a shaky sigh leaving your lips.

"i love you..." you mumbled out softly, your hands holding onto the back of your thighs tight whilst your teddy was still snugged by your side. johnny would slowly slide his cock into your cunt, feeling your walls instantly tightening around his girth. despite his earlier actions of degrading you, he was very gentle when he was pushing himself in, not wanting to cause any wounds. all sweet, just for you.

"i love you too, lass." he grunted out, hands moving from your knees before he pressed both elbows of his above your shoulders, caging you. "fuck... just like that. so perfect f'me..." he groaned into your ear, face nuzzling into your neck while you felt his stubble tickling your sweaty skin. once his cock was all snug cozy inside your warm, comfy cunt, he began to slowly thrust in and out, hips move in an experienced manner. you both were quite the noisy onea, him grunting and groaning in your ears while you were whimpering and moaning in his ears, your eyes fluterring ship whilst your legs were wide spread. this position made his public hair grind against your clit, causing you to twitch in pleasure.

your ass was all red from his earlier smacks, all marked up by him. no damn teddy could make you cum, only him. was he really being fussy over a teddy? yes. but he couldn't help it! you were only his. his eyes would send glares to the teddy besides you before they focused back on your face, watching your brows knit in pure pleasure as his cock hit the spongy spots inside you, slamming against your cervix whilst stretching your cute cunt out — creating a nice mix of pain and pleasure that you just loved.

his pelvis continued to grind against your throbbing clit whilst his cock fastened up its pace, ramming into your cunt. your legs trembled with each deep thrust while he practically fucked your brain out, your leaking cunt tightening around him. "need to cum, please...!" you sobbed out, feeling the familiar knots tightening up in your stomach.

as soon as you were about to reach your orgasm, johnny stilled inside your cunt, slowly pulling out. you whined in surprise, teary eyes widening in disbelief as you saw a familiar mean grin forming on his lips once again, panting softing. "heh, not so fast, bonnie." he breathed out heavily, his hand giving his throbbing cock a few more strokes before thick strings of cum oozed out of his cock, spraying over your tummy and thighs.

you could only stay still and cry softly while your mean boyfriend denied you your orgasm while cumming all over you, a hoarse chuckle leaving his lips.

"bad lasses don't get to cum. now why don't you beg in that cute whiny voice of yours, eh? then i might reconsider."

[ninyard]

nin reads the bonus chapters pt. 2 (TRK Edition)

Betsy's chapter (oh god this is basically going to be me quoting the whole thing)

Andrew pointed at him and turned a scandalized look on Betsy. "Working theory: Coach is allergic to sugar!" "How ghastly," Betsy said.

them! him looking at her like that. the banter between them. i love him i love her their dynamic is just my favourite thing ever pls

She half-expected him to sit as far from her as he could, but he took the chair at her side and spun his mug in lazy circles on the table.

sobbing. this is so soft

Andrew laughed and gave an exaggerated shrug, only to wince and reach for his bandaged temple. "Ouch," he complained cheerily, a second before digging his fingers hard into the gauze and tape. Betsy tapped the table in front of him in warning. He sighed like her request for restraint was unbearable but held onto the chair between his knees instead.

1) ouch. i feel ill 2) CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE TAPPING TO STOP HIM HURTING HIMSELF!!!!! CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW WE NEVER REALLY SEE ANDREW AS SOMEONE WHO HURTS HIMSELF BUT IN THIS CHAPTER WE DO?? IS IT BECAUSE HE CAN LET HIS GUARD DOWN IN FRONT OF HER?? IS IT SOMETHING SHE HAS TO STOP OFTEN??? PUKING 3) him holding onto the chair is so cute

Betsy kept her tone gentle like it would somehow make her next question less terrible: "Did you let them run a kit, Andrew?" "No choice, Bee." Andrew said, with a put-upon sigh.

PUKE

Betsy was less interested in his aggrieved front than she was in what his hands were doing: Andrew was dragging a thumb up and down his left forearm is short, agitated jerks. The force behind it would have torn skin if his sleeves weren't there to take the brunt of it. Betsy tapped the table again, and Andrew obediently reached for his mug with both hands.

PUKE_2

"You might not have noticed, but he and I look a lot alike! They'll look at him and see me, and we both know how little they think of me. Have to stack the deck in his favor somehow."

this hurts so badly. him doing the kit for aaron. him feeling like aaron's odds at getting out of this are fucked up because of him. him feeling like he has to do everything he can to fix this for aaron. PUKE_3

"I know how invasive a procedure it can be, especially on the heels of such violence." And there it was at last: A subtle chink in the armor his withdrawal was tearing away from him. In a year and a half of treating Andrew, she'd never seen him so still. [...] If she was kinder, she would leave it at that, but Andrew would react worse to being coddled than he would to what she needed to say.

PUKE_4 also,,, am i allowed to say how im obsessed with how accurate i've managed to get my fic about andrew and bee. like that last line hellooooo

"I don't imagine you allowed it last time." [...] How Andrew reacted - how much he would admit to, how much he would trust her in the wake of such trauma - was too important. "Oh, Bee," Andrew said, with a laugh she didn't at all believe. "You assume they were stupid enough to get caught."

why did she write this. was it specifically to hurt me because she won. it worked. also the fact that andrew feels comfortable enough around david to have this conversation with him in the room makes me feel insane

"Are you and Neil not getting along?" Betsy asked. David sent her a look of pained incredulity

he's like girl please don't tell me you ALSO haven't noticed. he literally can't believe he's the only one that's picked up on it. he's like youre his THERAPIST what do u mean are they not getting along

okay this next part i literally have so many thoughts i meant it when i said i was basically going to put this whole chapter here

"We have spent too much time together if you are so reckless," Andrew said, figeting with the bandages on his face again. "Lot of eyes, Bee, so many eyes. I do not think they will care about insomnia when they finally have the chance to nail us to the wall. Better safe than sorry, yes? They cannot keep him. I will not let them."

god once again the way he want to do everything he can to get aaron out of this whole situation. and just... him knowing how many people are going to be looking at him and reading him and everything just. hguhsudfusdfkgsd

Betsy put a finger to the tape at his cheekbone in silent questioning but waited until Andrew dropped his hand before trying to peel the gauze up. She sucked in a slow breath through gritted teeth at the stitches and bruises along his temple.

so gentle. so much trust and care and i feel SICK

"I didn't even get to keep it," Andrew complained. "How stingy. I've never tried brandy."

not him saying this about the bottle Drake hit him with. ANDREW

"You have done astoundigly well despite life's every attempt to crush you. I'm sorry," She said, trying and failing to catch his eye. "and I'm so, so proud of you."

sobbing

finally the words crawled out of him: "Everyone knows now, Bee." And that, she thought, was the harsh truth he would medicate to avoid processing. Not his uncle's betrayal or Drake's violence, but having his violation broadcast against his will to a family he wouldn't let go of and wouldn't let in. [...] Betsy would have gone to him if she wasn't so sure he would retreat.

SOBBING

"Who fears the monster that knows the taste of a whip?" Andrew asked.

literally puking. how beautiful and heartbreaking and such a horrible heartbreaking look into the way andrew views himself. this HUUURTS

"You could be their friend, their cousin, their brother. Don't you think you deserve that?" "Oh, Bee," Andrew said, a little too tired to be pitying. "With him on our heels?"

okay y'all gotta help me. is this about. drake? or like... who's him referring to

"Maybe letting her choose isn't the best idea." David said. Betsy put a hand over her heart. "David, you wound me." "Bee likes musicals," Andrew announced brightly, though David had found that out the hard way.

BETSY DAVID FRIENDSHIP I NEED ITTTTT

David waited until his back was turned before nodding an okay to Betsy. Trusting he would keep a discreet eye on her most precious charge, Betsy collected her keys and purse and left the house.

HER MOST PRECIOUS CHARGE

anyways! this chapter destroyed me and put me back together again! and i feel ILL after reading it! :D

[lillieslibrary]

"Well, What do you love?"

anderperry one-shot !!

summary: todd kisses neil, flees the scene, and sits on the dock in a ball of his own anxiety. neil finds him and ends his worries.

warnings: internalized homophobia, self-depracating thoughts

Todd is sitting quietly on his bed, trying to convince his pencil to write the poem for Keating's class, on its own. He can't think of anything to write as his mind is pre-occupied with his other unwanted thoughts. Neil walks in and Todd decides to call it a day, he will write more later.

The bed dips as Neil sits down beside him. "Whatcha doing?" he says, in a sing-songy voice. Todd shrugs. "I'm trying to write a poem for English, nothings working," he sighs and throws his journal onto the bed next to him. Neil looks at him with a hint of sympathy.

"Well I'm sure you'll think of something, you're a great writer!"

Neil leans over him to pick up the journal and Todd almost screams. His face is warm and he has to take a subtle deep breath. Neil flips through the pages, skimming over the work Todd has done so far. Todd lets him, he has gotten more comfortable with people reading his stuff, so he just takes this time to settle his nerves.

"Everything in here is great! Why don't you just use one of the poems you haven't shown yet?" Neil asks, still looking down at the pages. "Mr Keating said it has to be about love, and I don't usually write about that so I have to make a new one," Todd looks down at his lap, talking about love is not something he particularly enjoys, especially when the person he's talking about it with is Neil Perry.

Neil finally looks up from the journal, and shuffles to face him on the bed. Todd turns as well, looking up into his friends eyes.

"Well, what do you love?"

Todd looks down at his lap. He has only just realised how close in proximity they are to each other. He can feel his palms becoming sweaty. He looks back up at Neil, who is smiling right at him.

Before Todd can think it through he leans in and kisses him. The kiss lasts a couple seconds before Todd pulls away. His eyes are wide with the realisation of what he has just done. Before Neil can get a word out, Todd jumps up from the bed, and runs out the door.

He runs through the dorms. He runs down the stairs. He runs away as tears well up in his eyes. He had ruined it. He had ruined everything. Neil was probably up there telling everyone. Telling everyone what he was, what he had done. He couldn't bare to imagine the outcome. He would be kicked out of Welton for sure. Todd keeps running until eventually he reaches the doc where he and Neil had gone to run his lines for the play. Oh god, he had made a huge mistake. Why can't he control himself? Why can't he be normal and like girls just like everyone else. He was a disappointment. To himself, to his friends. To everyone.

Tears were streaming down his face now as he sat, feet dangling off the edge. He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

He can't hear the footsteps getting closer to him on the doc. A hand rests on his shoulder.

"..Todd?"

It was Neil.

Todd can't face looking up at him. "I- I'm sorry, I'm so s-so sorry!" Todd's voice cracks, as he is trying to hold back the sob bubbling in his throat. Neil pulls him into his chest and wraps his arms around him. "Its okay Todd, its okay," Neil's voice is enough to break him. Todd buries his head into Neil's chest and lets out a sob.

After a few minutes the sobbing dies down, and Todd finally picks up the courage and looks up at Neil through teary eyes.

"I'm r-really sorry, I shouldn't have done something like that, especially to you. It's okay if you're gonna report me I'll completely understand and I-"

Before Todd can say anything else Neil leans in and kisses him. Todd's eyes grow wide, but eventually he relaxes into it.

Neil eventually pulls away and looks at Todd with a smile, wiping a leftover tear from his eye. He swings his legs over the side of the doc as well and pulls Todd into his side.

"I think I know something you can write about."

[bootsandsugarr]

Song of the day(s) 𖥸

oops! I missed 3(?) days maybe just 2, I'm also posting this at 12 so technically I'm missing another day. I have valid excuse though, my bdayyyy, october 14th. I think I have a tendency to only remember things that go wrong on my birthdays. I've built this narritave that I dont like my birthday, but I dont know how true that is. Either way, I hope I remember this birthday for what it was. I think I feel confident saying this was the best birthday to date, or at least the best birthday I can remember. I have never cried from happiness on my birthday. It's always been crying because I felt like no one sees me or no one really made an effort to make me feel special like I try to make them feel. This year was anything but that, any expectations were exceeded like cray cray.

This year was especially hard for me so I was really not looking forward to this bday. I was going into this weekend, expecting to feel like I do every year, I was ready for disappointment. Instead, i felt closer to those around me than ever . For the first time I felt like everything was so personalized, I felt so seen and understood today. I've never cried opening a gift but when I opened my final gift from one of my sisters I just started uncontrollably sobbing. She got me my dream perfume, which sounds so silly, but it means much more than a perfume. I told her I wanted this in passing conversation, she remembered. This perfume was way out of my budget, I never thought i would ever get it. I guess maybe I felt like no one really cared about me enough to invest in a gift like that for me. It's not about the investment either way. I don't know it's hard to articulate how I felt opening everything, and just in general today. Moral of the story is I felt so special and cared for this weekend, it was perfect.

I could go on about the details but everyone made me feel so seen, which I think I really needed. I am so ready for 19 to be something of my past. This year was really hard, in many ways it was an amazing year but in a lot of other ways it was the lowest of my life. I felt like today was a good omen for the year to come though. I think 20 will treat me a lot better than 19.

As for the song choice, me and my family were listening to this on repeat today. This is definitely one of my favorite songs of all time. This song sounds like how I felt today, it's so happy and lovey. I felt loved today, it was a much needed reminder of how many people really care about me. My family looked at me with such pride and warmth. This song is that warm look, it softens the gaze. I have a lot of fond memories with this song, and now I have one more!

I could write pages and pages on why I love this song so much, just like how I could write pages and pages on why this was the best birthday evverrrr.

[itsallpanicnodisco]

I feel obligated to share with y'all how devastated my mother was after watching season 2 and her commentary of E6 (photographic evidence included, shared with her permission).

OBVIOUSLY, SPOILERS AHEAD. ONLY CONTINUE IF YOU DON'T MIND THEM.

Now, first of all, let's set the scene:

Even though I warned her AND she received like 15 minutes worth of voice notes of me crying violently after the first time I watched it, she told me: 'I think it's not going to be THAT bad, you're probably just too sensitive because you love them so much. In the voice notes you scream like you're being murdered tho'.

SHE WAS WRONG.

(except for the murder-victim-like screams)

She had a lot to say while watching and loved it for the most part, a whole lot more than the first season (in fact, she only sat through S1 because the ineffable husbands' chemistry and maybe just enough insistence to drive anyone mad from my part). At the end of E5 she screamed 'WHERE'S THE KISS?' (showed her the EVERY leak when I got spoiled).

I couldn't retain my tears anymore when the ineffable bureaucracy part started. She looked at me weird and asked why a happy part made me sad.

Then it all started to go down and I could see the joy slowly draining out of her face. She started crying when Crowley wasn't happy about Heaven's offer.

The kiss gave her hope, Azi doubting and Crowley waiting until last minute too. And like every one of us, had a little bit of hope in her eyes until both Crowley and Azi faded on the credits, sobbing by that point.

The very first thing that came out of her mouth was: 'FUCK, I WISH I COULD SPEAK ENGLISH TO SAY A THING OR TWO TO THAT AUTHOR' (she can't pronounce Neil's name). Then: 'WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT!?' was repeated like a hundred times.

After I calmed down, I gave her a brief explanation and general review of the husbands' actions during both seasons with some of the new context S2 gave us. Then, she said almost the very same thing I told her when first watching: 'I can't even complain about bad writing because it makes sense. It hurts more because it makes sense'. A very rare but appreciated moment of agreement between us indeed... after that she cursed me a lot for making her suffer with me LMFAO.

Anyway, all that to say @neil-gaiman made my mother sob.

I hope you enjoyed me knowingly traumatizing my mother with GO2. My best friend is next in line.

(sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language).

[bandicoot88]

Good Omens 2 ending was perfect, actually, and I'm gonna talk why, cos I got a lot to say.

Naturally, massive spoilers ahead!

The finale ended in a way that makes total sense to me. I hear y'all being like "this isn't canon, no, let them be happy, I hate this!" *proceeds to write a fix-it fanfic that's all fluff and kittens*, but just... listen to me for a moment.

Don't get me wrong, keep writing alternative endings for that temporary fix, but in terms of canon, I believe what Neil wrote is better than anything else that's gonna get create, more or less. Remember, it's important characters stay in-character.

Sure, I sobbed at 5am with a broken mind, heart, and hated everything in the moment, but letting it digest... it actually works very well. People want their "happiliy ever after", and I do too, eventually. But that time isn't now.

Also, side note, to anyone who sent Neil hate mail because of said ending, fuck you. Don't be a sensitive little shit and just accept that stories don't always have to be happy to still be good.

Here we have a 6000+ year relationship/friendship of two non-humans that don't know how to act around each other. THEY DON'T TALK, as Nina said. For them to suddenly get the talking bit down correctly was never going to happen. Which makes the ending so much worse. A quick kick up the backside from 2 people isn't the sudden fix-it to everything. They continued to STILL not talk, not taking even a single day to communicate, think of a plan, anything! I.e "Good luck", "Then there's nothing more to say." The Metatron told Aziraphale to take all the time he needed, and yet Az was gone within 15 mins. Crowley could've said something more, but instead chose to kiss Aziraphale.

Which while it was long overdue, I think it was still too fast. Aziraphale realized his love for Crowley in 1941, according to Michael, which is VERY late to the game, and in the 60s, he said Crowley moved too fast for him. I assume this is still the case, as the 60s wasn't that long ago in angel/demon years. The kiss probably frightened him, because we know what Aziraphale is like, has always BEEN like. He's cautious and jittery and incredibly soft. He's the emodiment of a kitten, and you need to treat him as such.

Had Crowely taken his time with Aziraphale instead, things might've been different. The outcome also might've remained the same, but there would at least be some communication, and probably much less heartbreak. In that moment, Crowley could've really poured his heart out into words, but he didn't. Even during the confession, he ended rather nonchalantly with a "you and me, what do you say?" This is after hearing Aziraphale's news. It's hardly romantic, and gives the same vibe as "let's shack up".

He should be using every ounce of his power to get Aziraphale to stay, but he doesn't. He says his piece, begins to walk off, rubs the non-relationship in Aziraphale's face, kisses him, and then leaves. All this sets up pefectly for a s3 to sort their shit out. I like that it wasn't just a fluffy arc where everything's suddenly perfect, because where would s3 go then? It would be less fun.

I like the angst. I want to enjoy a good show with conflict and difficulty and confusion and anger and whatever else. I want to watch this angel and demon evolve and go through it and realize and learn and love.

What happened at the end of s2; it was ineffable.

[hhawque]

Ahhh boy! I’m usually not a text post girlie but this Doctor Who special has grabbed me and forcibly yanked me out of seclusion lmao

I have some thoughts about bi-generation. I’ve enjoyed reading other people’s takes, so here’s mine. Fair warning: it’s a bit critical, so if you enjoy the plot point and don’t want to read criticism, keep scrolling! I’m genuinely glad you’re happy :)

Thoughts below the cut:

So, first things first: I totally understand why they did this. Since the Disney deal, it’s no secret that the executives want to revamp the show and bring it to a wider audience. They’re even calling what would be season 14 “season one,” marking a reboot similar to 2005. But “character with millennia of trauma and extreme repression” isn’t exactly a Disney-friendly mascot for this new era.

Basically, I think the writers backed themselves into a corner. Starting off with the Time War, the Doctor’s traumas and repression have increasingly become a key part of their character in the NuWho era. But that doesn’t fit with the new vision. They had to fix this somehow.

Hence, bi-generation: one Doctor processes the trauma, while the next one goes off to continue the adventure.

From a new branding perspective, this makes perfect sense. But from a writing perspective, it feels unearned.

And here’s the thing – I know Doctor Who isn’t supposed to be some deep show, or some masterclass in emotional writing. It’s supposed to be about whimsical adventures in time and space, and I love that! It’s goofy and offbeat in its bones, and I do enjoy that we seem to be returning to those roots.

But what I didn’t really enjoy is that the new Doctor’s progress feels shallow. It’s just like, bam! Trauma healed! Everything’s good now!

I dislike this for the reason I dislike the “insta-love” trope – you get all of the results without any of the work. You don’t get to feel the impact of it, since it all happens offscreen.

The truth is that there was probably no satisfying way to resolve this issue. Healing takes time, and time, ironically, is what this show does not have. The reboot/rebranding is happening now, not in a season or two. So in that sense, I do appreciate that the Doctor, in some way or another, got time to heal at all. I could easily see them pulling some kind of “he healed through mindful regeneration!” thing, which would’ve pissed me off to no end.

Some other more minor things: I wish there was a concrete reason the bi-generation happened. Spontaneous plot points like that bother me for the same reason “insta-love” does – all the results with none of the buildup. It also feels kind of stale because we’ve seen something like this before with Tentoo.

However! There were also a lot of things I liked about the episode: Here are some:

1) The Doctor and Donna’s relationship. I’m so, so thrilled that a platonic relationship was finally represented as a deep, powerful and healing force. In popular media, those kinds of relationships are usually romantic or construed to be romantic, but the canon leaves no room for that, which I deeply appreciate.

2) Neil Patrick Harris was great as the Toymaker. I especially loved the Spice Girls song and dance routine. It felt so whimsical, yet so menacing.

3) I kind of said this already, but I am glad the Doctor got to actually heal in some form. That last scene of him with Donna’s family, now his family, made me sob lmao

I am excited for the future of the show! Ncuti looks fucking awesome, and I think he’s going to bring a fresh vibe we haven’t seen before. Doctor Who is a comfort show for me, and overall I am happy with the direction it seems to be going in.

TLDR: I don’t like bi-generation because it doesn’t feel emotionally earned, but the next Doctor looks amazing and I’m excited for this new era :)

[ad-hawkeye]

hello, star anon here! life was kind and gave me a bit of a break so i finally finished my wip. i'm not apparently allowed to embed any links in the ask box, but it's up on ao3 with the title, "How Long Will I Love You? As Long as Stars are Above You (Longer if I Can)". i tried very hard to capture the game's style and artem's manner of speaking, but i deviated a bit from the former. still, i hope all the artem stans enjoy 😅 -🌟

HI. HI. HI. HELLO, HI! AAAAA THIS LITERALLY MADE MY FRIDAY NIGHT I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. OOOOH MY GOD OKAY, i am so sorry for being a day or so late, i purposely set this fic aside as a selfish reward for when i was off work and could get a nice drink to read it with and holy SHIT am i getting this whole thing tattooed to my forehead HAHAH

i am not exaggerating in the slightest when i say this fic literally made me feel Lighter. i also had to comment on all of it (that is all below i have so many thoughts and love and only good things to say) and i will be dropping a comment on ao3 itself very soon hehe

for anyone interested, the fic is here! it's a rewrite of artem's second anniversary card + eventual proposal! full recommendation to any artem stan out there. READ THIS! NOW!

without further ado... my screaming.

the bouquet toss is hilariously adorable i LOVE it!!! celestine fucking BOOKING that thing at him HAHAH

im insanely impressed at how well this fic manages to take what was in the second anniversary card (celestine talking to mc about marriage, the toss, the ride home in the taxi, etc) and just. wow. improve it. i feel like this is such a breath of fresh air

mc saying she wants to wait until she at least passes her exam and avoid claims of nepotism, yes ma’am!!!!!!!!!!! this would be such a dream scenario if it happened in tot omg. the reason why artem’s second bday card was a liiittle disappointing to me was because they brought up the issue of possible rumors and scandals with their relationship. and then just. never resolve it. then have them get ENGAGED a card later!! i wish hoyo wasn’t afraid to address this, your fic is the perf solution imo and another reason why i wished we got a later artemrosa proposal

THE MENTION OF MC NOT BEING READY TO HAVE DINNER WITH ARTEM’S PARENTS AHAHA OMG I LOVE IT!! deliciously petty in calling out the contradictory writing in artem's cards bless you for that

MENTION OF NEIL. oh my GOD i feel like 90% of artem’s cards just forget about this man’s existence and it’s a shame! you did him justice!!! i want him to talk to mc again and see all that’s happened ;_;

THE BAD GUY DUH JOKE REFERENCE SHUT UP HAHAHA personal story 3 was literally artem at his most iconic and i MEAN this

about time…. im gonna sob, like literally. dude this fic is literally healing me as i read it, it’s like a love letter to all of artem’s cards, stories, and events. and . AA

THEM JOKING ABOUT THE AMUSEMENT PARK MAKE OUT SESSION PLEASE THAT’S SO FUNNY

the whole conversation with celestine and artem about proposing is my favorite thing ever. in the second anni card, i thought artem was so oddly cold to her (which goes against previous cards and reads like someone seeing artem’s ‘stop teasing me now’ act back in the early timeline as genuinely mean disinterest????) so this is like. healing. crops watered. “thank you for being my friend” is going to make me sob holy shit.

random but i adore the idea of artem w a therapist. he seems like a guy who’d benefit from that. i say this with love.

HELP HIM TALKING TO HIS FISH. FAV

god the scene with his mother :(((( AAAA the apology and and and and ;_;

keeping the one good thing from the second anniversary card: artem avoiding mc's gaze for weeks before proposing. excellent. thank you

gasp. THE ORCHARD. YOU GENIUS. HOW DID I NOT EVEN THINK OF THAT. THEY NEVER DID RETURN TO THE ORCHARD IN CANON DID THEY.

god this proposal got me sniffling.. the about time reference… the mention of being partners….. dude i’m gonna sob ;_; literally this is the timeline i wish we got, im just gonna be on hardcore copium and accept this as my canon proposal. okay? okay.

PRACTICE FOR SIGNING THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE MC YES

mc yanking artem too hard and him yelping is making me shit that’s the funniest thing i’ve read all week LMAO

HELP THE LIFTING BEING LEARNED FROM AN ONLINE ARTICLE. YOU GET IT!!! YOU UNDERSTAND HIM!!

oh my gosh this whole end section is so wehhh ;_;;;; sweet and in character and with just the right amount of steam and ambiguity! ;p

CELESTINE GIVING THEM BOTH OFF HAHAHA THE PERFECT END

oh my god ok. if this didn't let you know how much i thoroughly enjoyed myself, let me state it here now. thank you SO much for linking this to me!!! oh my god i feel so free?????? EVERYONE READ THIS NOW

[maximyles]

Dear Billy 2.0

Please give me ideas on things to write

Max had decided on going back to Billy’s grave again. They decided to read the letter to him again, wanting to do it without Vecna getting into their mind, and almost ending up next to Billy.

Taking a deep breath, they sat in-front of the stone. Taking the letter out their pocket a small sigh left them, feeling their eyes welling up already. Unfolding the letter, they took yet another deep breath, looking down at the writing for a second before they looked at the stone, “Let’s try this again, huh?” They said purely to make themselves laugh a little, lighten the mood, but they knew there was no lightening this mood.

Their gaze went down, looking at the writing. “Dear Billy. I don’t know if you can even hear this. A few years ago I would have said ‘that’s ridiculous, impossible,’ but that was before I found out about alternate dimensions and monsters. So I’m just going to stop assuming that I know…anything.” They read a little more, feeling their eyes welling with tears, their voice cracking. “Basically, ever since you left, everything’s been a total disaster. And the worst part is, I can’t tell them why you’re gone. I can’t..I can’t tell them you saved El’s life.” They paused, taking another shaky breath, wiping their tears away from their cheeks. “That you saved my life. I play that moment back in my head all the time. And sometimes I imagine myself running to you, pulling you away. I imagine that if I had, that you would still be here. And everything…everything would be right again.”

Keeping a hold of the letter, they pressed it against their legs, looking up at the sky for a moment, thinking by some miracle it would calm them down a little, as they found themselves choking on their words. It didn’t. Shutting their eyes tight for a moment, they lowered their head before they opened them again, looking at the letter, “I imagine that we could’ve become friends. Good friends, like a real brother and sister. And I know that’s stupid. You hated me. I hated you. But I thought that maybe we could try again. But that’s not what happened. I just stood there and I watched. For a while I tried to be happy. Normal. But…But I think that maybe a part of me died that day too. And I haven’t told anyone this. I just can’t. But I had to tell you, before it’s too late, if you can even hear this. I really hope that you can. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Billy. Love, your shitty little sister, Max.”

The ginger looked at the stone in front of them, the tears they’d been fighting must have started falling, pouring down their cheeks. Max didn’t dare take the headphones from their ears, not this time. Not again. Uncrossing their legs, they brought them to their chest, their head dropping into their knees as they just sobbed. God, they hated this, and as per usual, it was all their fault, and now? Now they had to deal with consequences. Honestly? They’d rather deal with Billy breaking things, but who wouldn’t? Dealing with that was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with this. Anything was easier than this. Sometimes they wished, prayed, that the roles were reversed, even prayed that something terrible would happen to them, well, they definitely got what they asked for, I mean, they are cursed by Vecna, and everyone knows how that ends.

Finally lifting their head they rubbed their eyes, not that it helped much, everything was still a blur. They sniffled a little, tucking some hair behind their ear, “You know, I spray your cologne sometimes. Very rarely, I know it was expensive, and I don’t want to waste it.” They wiped their eyes again before reaching down their shirt, pulling his necklace out from underneath. “I’m sorry you weren’t buried with this. Neil was going to bin it. And I just…I couldn’t let that happen. Your Camaro is doing fine. Well, fineish. I've uh…I’ve been working on it. Trying to fix it. You made it look so easy in Cali. Learning that it’s a huge pain in the ass.” They made a small laugh. “I’ll keep you updated on that if I make it out of this alive. But for now, I’ll leave you in peace.” They said as they stood, dusting themselves down, their eyes roaming around the place before they looked back at the stone. “Never been good at this, so uh…Bye?” Mostly because they’d never really dealt with this before. “I hope you’re resting easy. Christ, you deserve to be.” They scoffed a little before they nodded awkwardly, stuffing their hands in their pockets. “Right, leaving. Letting you be in peace.” They finally took a few steps back before they turned around, starting to walk away.

[1d1195]

OK I JUST SAW YOUR POST AND I LOVE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE GIRL OMGGGG DONT EVEN RIGHT NOW. I USUALLY WAIT UNTIL YOUVE POSTED THE WHOLE STORY THO BECAUSE IM LITERALLY THE MOST IMPATIENT PERSON EVER AND I CANNOT WAIT I NEED TO BINGE READ EVERYTHING LMAOOO (also not to expose myself but im literally the anon who said they sobbed while reading ‘screens’ BUT YOURE JUST SOOOO GOOD IT MADE ME EMOTIONAL OKAY???)

OKAYYYY SOOOOO I LISTENED TO THE ONES YOU SENT AND OH MY GOODNESS !!!! THEYRE SO GOOD I ACTUALLY ADDED THEM ALL TO MY PLAYLIST AND I THOUGHT ID SHARE SOME OF MY FAVES WITH YOU <333

Ker Yegu (Solo Piano) - Yann Tiersen (this one is so good it actually distracted me from the book i was reading when i first heard it)

I’ve Been Thinking of You Every Single Day Ever Since - Laurence Ipsum

Simplicity - Aree

Nantes - Neil Cowley

and another song that’s NOT instrumental but it’s sooo good and i thought of you, i think you’d like it if you haven’t heard it already

cold/mess - Prateek Kuhad

sorry for the dump this was a lot!! but i just wanted to say thank you for entertaining this reallllyyy fun conversation with me i literally get so giddy when i see you replied to my ask i love hearing about all your opinions (no matter how unprofessional they may be, they’re really good as far as im concerned) and really, im open to listening to anything you recommend lmao BUT YEAH THIS IS LONG ENOUGH SO I HOPE YOURE DOING REALLY WELL AND IM SENDING LOVE ~🎶

Don't worry about dumping this! I'm so excited!

I did one listen through of each and here's what I thought:

Ker Yegu -- so pretty. Very peaceful, I actually wrote while listening to it! I’ve Been Thinking of You Every Single Day Ever Since - This is the kind of music I imagined would be playing when I was little and imagined falling in love. It reminds me of like sweet gentle smiles. Simplicity - this was so cute and gentle! I liked it so much! Nantes - i really liked the special effects (?) on this one. The ones that made it feel like it was spinning around my head. It was kind of centering if that makes sense! cold/mess - This is the cutest song in the world 😭 thank you for sharing it, I really really loved it! i could see myself writing a story about it 👀 It's very Zipper-Harry hahahaha

ALSO WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT EXPOSING YOURSELF. I'm SCREAMING! YOU'RE MY 🎀-anon!!!!! I've been so worried about you because I hadn't heard from you since I posted screens! Omg I'm so happy! 😭

Also, I totally get what you mean about waiting for the whole thing to be finished. I just found out that Bridgerton is doing the split season and I'm PISSED. It's so annoying. give me the whole show or don't. I honestly don't even know why I pay for netflix anymore.

Anyway! I'm so happy you shared these songs and that you're my 🎀 anon as well! I'm so happy! 💕

xoxo

[sleepywriter00]

Thanks for the tag @kaylinalexanderbooks

My words: ground, copy, thought, bottom

Your words: slick, pout, pollute, crimson

Ground

From my WIP To Protect Them: Kier Syndicate Trilogy Book 1 (Artemis' POV)

"you rang, love?~" Bow called as he rested his arm on my shoulder, throwing his shirt to the ground– Ex doing the same on the other side. "you boys are gonna learn what happens when one breaks the rules in this ring– grab him! " I nodded in the direction of Mean Streak who was smirking cockily, like he wasn't just pinned down a few seconds ago. "you got it, boss! " Ex growled, being the first to grab ahold of the bastard. "Awe, does the little bitch need backup? Let go of me dammit!" for half a second I just stared at him blankly, then erupted into fits of unabashed laughter as I saw him squirm in the boy's hold. "oh, Shit-Cakes, I don't need help to kick your sorry ass. " I walked up to him as he was held in place and pat him on the cheek with a twisted grin on my face. I quite enjoy when people break the rules in this place, I don't have to hold back when they do. "But this isn't a fight anymore… now?" I chuckled darkly, "Now you're an example of what happens when the rules are broken. "

Copy

From my WIP Cry-Baby (Guinevere's POV)

“Don't worry about it. I might not look like it, but my pain tolerance is actually pretty high!” I chuckled, taking a step back as I raised my arms to flex my imaginary muscles. “I'm a bad B you can't kill me!” This got a response I didn't expect. The big and bad, Miles “Cry-Baby” Thatcher laughed. Like a deep from the chest laugh. It was a nice sound,even though it lasted only a few short seconds. The sound alone was enough to make my heart sputter and heat rise throughout my body. “You really are a strange one aren't you?” he asked again,taking a step away from the wall and toward me,crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned over me slightly. Copying his stance with my arms over my chest, I leaned toward him with a smirk. I took notice how his eyes widened just a fraction as an amused smirk tugged at his lips. “You have no idea.”

Thought

From my WIP Hope

he's gone… Isn't he…? " She wanted to be wrong. So wrong. But when she saw out of the corner of her eye how her grandfather lowered his head as a small sob escaped his old wrinkled and chapped lips she knew she wasn't. And that killed her even more. "I'm so sorry.." was all George could think to say. He was grieving and with the mirror image of his son sitting right next to him, it was getting hard to keep up the facade that everything was fine. That his son's body wasn't 6 ft underground and his soul wasn't up in heaven with his mother's. George refused to look Hope in her golden brown eyes, the eyes that were a mirror image of his son. He was scared that she would hate him for keeping it from her for so long and thought that Hope would curse him. scream at him. something. but she never did. She instead reached out and hugged her grandfather, pulling him right against her small chest, and cried with him.

Bottom

From my WIP The Duke of Thornburrow (Astra's POV)

"use the journal… " I mumbled, turning my attention to the leather-bound journal that was sitting on my nightstand. After that 'dream', I've been reluctant to even open the old book. I don't think I've even touched it since then. "Find me Amica Mea~" Amica Mea… it's Latin that I know for sure… but why can't I remember what it means?... I guess I'll have to look it up later. "Astra! Come down here for a minute, will you?" I heard Mom call for me from the bottom of the stairs. "Our new neighbors have come to say hello! " Ugh…just great… people…

Tagging @apolline-lucy @brotrustmeicanwrite @caxycreations @foyle-writes-things @goldxdarkness @ijustwritehonestly @jolovesfandoms @kaylark @little-peril-stories @neil-gaiman @pinkevilwriter @somebookdevourer @thenthdiemension @verba-writing @writeark @xenascribbles

Find the word

Thanks to @writingsfromspace for the tag!

My words: find, water, star, fly

Your words: ground, copy, thought, bottom

Tagging @awritingcaitlin @writernopal @winterandwords @sarandipitywrites @mjjune @dyrewrites @sarahlizziewrites @i-can-even-burn-salad @sleepywriter00 @sunset-a-story @stesierra @imsoveryveryconfusedatlife @finickyfelix

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

Keep reading for:

Ash nearly faints

Take a shot of water every time I say water in this excerpt

Argument between Rose and Maddie

Gwen meets Akash

Find - from The Secret Portal Part One (Ash POV)

I felt like collapsing in a cluster of red ferns by the time I reached the trees. Soon, I was using the trunks to hold myself up. A sudden ringing in my ears made my head feel like it split open. I let out a cry as I pressed my fingers to my forehead. I heard a little girl screaming. I tried to find the origin of the sound, but I found no one. The screaming didn’t stop. I kept going forward, covering my ears, trying to make it go away. I collapsed on the ground in a patch of violet-colored flowers, curling into a ball. My head spun as I stared at the petals. They weren’t like any other flower I’d seen. Their purple color was so vibrant, I debated its existence. There were three layers of tear-shaped petals swirling around the center, creating a dizzying spiral. I closed my eyes; the petals were making me sicker. Slowly, the screaming stopped. My vision cleared. I shook my head and pulled myself up and rested my body on the nearest tree trunk. I closed and opened my eyes slowly as the world slowly came back into focus. What just happened? Who was that?

Water - from The Secret Portal Part One (Ash POV)

I entered the kitchen, pushing off the wall so I could rummage through the cabinet. I pulled out a glass and filled it with water from the fridge. I guzzled the water but almost spit it out. As soon as the water graced my lips, a sudden blue light flashed in front of me. Shaking it off as an effect of the devices, I refilled the glass to the brim. The blue lights happened again. During the third refill, my eyes rested on the time, a small light on the fridge. It was six am. There was no way I used the devices before even two. And there was no way that vision took more than five minutes. “Shit!” I hissed as my shock caused the water to spill over the glass. I guzzled the water again before grabbing a towel to clean up my mess. Once I did, I stood back up, tossed the towel on the counter, and looked at the clock again. I sighed. I wasn't sure what I was going to do in the remaining time that I had before everyone else awoke.

Did you take the shots of water? Do you have to pee yet?

Star - from The Secret Portal Part One (Maddie POV)

“What’s happening?” Rose murmured. “You lead us through a death portal,” I muttered, joking slightly. Rose swiveled her head toward me. “Excuse me? You were the one who had a mental breakdown when Lexi didn’t answer her damn phone!” “Well, Lexi and Ash ended up here, so I had the right idea,” I said, not sure why she was mad. “Fine. You were right. Gold star.” Rose glared down at me. “And don’t blame me for what happened to Noelle.” “It’s partially my fault,” I said, lightly pushing her away from my face. “I suggested Lexi's disappearance, but you led us here, so a bit of yours, too.” Rose stepped toward me again. “This. Is not. My fault.” “I said it’s partially my fault,” I insisted, pushing her away again. She pushed me back this time, which irritated me. I only pushed her because she was in my face. “Why don’t you admit you’re partially responsible for Noelle’s injury?” I pushed in retaliation this time. “We’re gonna get her to a hospital, and then we’re gonna look for my sister, who you seem to have forgotten about because you’re too wrapped in yourself to care if Lexi’s okay.” I bit my tongue. That wasn't a good thing to say. I wasn't sure where it came from. Rose’s jaw clenched. She lifted her fist—I thought she would push me again, but she just jabbed me with her finger on every word— “Don’t. Ever. Say. I don’t care about Lexi. She means more to me than you could imagine.” “I’m her sister,” I pointed out. “How could you—” I poked her back— “imagine how much she means to me?” Rose took a step back. She looked down at her feet for a second. I did the same. Gwen pointed out I was arguing earlier when I didn’t mean to, which sometimes happened to me. Arguing wasn’t gonna get Lexi—or Ash—back, and it wasn't gonna get Noelle to a hospital either. I wondered if Rose would hate me forever after this.

Fly - from The Secret Portal Part One (Gwen POV)

My left foot slammed into a vent cover, knocking me off balance and causing my butt to slam against the cover, knocking it off. I fell through the hole and somehow managed to grab the edges of the vent. I heard the cover crash onto the floor below me as I dangled from the ceiling. “Hey, who’re you?” a voice said. I looked around, trying to find the owner of the voice when my eyes finally rested on a boy. He was probably a year or so older than me with dark brown skin. He had short and spiky hair and his ears stuck out a little. He wore a yellow polo t-shit over a long-sleeved white shirt and dark-blue jeans. It took a moment to realize the boy was at eye level while I hung from the ceiling. I looked down and saw the boy’s feet were a good ten feet from the ground. He was floating. “Who are you?” the boy repeated. I looked back up. I realized he was kinda cute. Even with the messy bedhead. “Um, Gwen.” “Akash,” he said. Actually, especially with the messy bedhead. I realized I was staring when Akash smiled. “You’re new around here, aren’t you?” When I didn’t answer, he added, “You want me to help you down?” I nodded, and Akash wrapped his arm around me. I flinched slightly—a cute boy was touching me!—but allowed him to do so. I let go of the vent and let him fly me to the floor. I suddenly realized I had wrapped my arms around him. I quickly pushed away from him. “Thanks,” I muttered. I glanced off to the side and panic ran through me when I noticed a bed. I could feel my cheeks turning red. I just fell into a cute boy’s room! As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough.

[serenity-lattes]

It’s All Coming Back to Me

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Billy Hargrove

Summary: The sauna scene from 3x04 and the scene with El in 3x08 got mixed together with a little ✨spice✨. Billy is flayed and Steve’s on a mission with Robin, Dustin, and Erica to bring him back. And maybe this time it isn’t as difficult as they thought it would be.

Warnings: Mind Flayer’s icky veins, breaking a window and door, attempt to hurt others with a sharp object, choking someone.  

Word Count: 1371

A/N: I was gonna wait for Halloween to post this, but I’m too excited to wait. It’s just a little snapshot fic for my C2 square “Let me out! I’ll fucking gut you!” on my @harringroveson-bingo​ card. As always, thanks to @writer-in-theory for being my beta.

Also, check out this fan art by @valsyngur because it fits perfectly. Jay sent it to me while I was writing it and asdfghjkl I fell in love with it.

Three days. Billy had been fighting for control of his body for three entire days and Steve felt like an idiot because he didn’t realize it until after El told him what she saw in the void. He should have known better, known to call.

Billy didn’t show up to their date. For any other couple, this would normally be a reason to worry, but Steve didn’t. Billy’s home life wasn’t easy, which forced them to tip toe around Neil, making sure to not get caught. Because of that, there were many canceled dates, especially if Neil was home and in a bad mood, ready to take it out on Billy.

Which is why it was killing Steve to lock Billy up in the sauna. Listening to Billy sob was the worst thing he could imagine right now, next to the thought of losing him to this thing. Thankfully Robin was next to him, trying to remind him that by doing this, they’ll coax Billy back into control and force The Mind Flayer out. 

“It's not my fault, okay? Steve, please. Please, believe me, Stevie, it's not my fault. I tried to stop him, okay? I did,” Billy cried, rubbing his hands together like he always does when he’s nervous.

Steve sniffled, watching Billy rock back and forth, trying to calm himself down. God, he wanted to open the door and pull him into his arms, but he knew he couldn’t. Not right at this moment, anyway.

“Billy,” he whimpered, “It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

“Steve, be careful, step back,” Robin called out, anxiety growing with Steve’s proximity to the window. Steve turned back, about to argue just before there was a loud crack and pieces of glass clattering to the ground. 

Everyone yelped in surprise and jumped back, getting into fighting stances, ready to attack if need be. 

“Let me out! Let me out, I’ll fucking gut you!” Billy shouted, swinging a shard of porcelain tile around the window in an attempt to hurt anyone nearby. Steve held up the pool net, hoping he didn’t have to use it as a weapon against Billy. Even if that thing was taking control, it was still Billy, his Billy. He was still inside there somewhere.

It was a good plan in theory, up until Dustin chucked a chlorine floater right at Billy’s face.

Well, shit. 

“Steve, we gotta go!” Robin shouted, tugging at the sleeve of his uniform, scared and ready to get to safety. Steve didn’t budge, watching the window for Billy, his Billy, to stand up and ask what had happened. Except… that’s not what happened. The lights were flickering and he could hear Billy thrashing around and screaming gutterly, making his heart wrench. He was struggling, in agony, fighting for control of his body. Billy was suffering and Steve wasn’t brave enough to make his way over to the window to see what exactly was going on, given what just happened last time he approached. Dustin and Erica joined in, begging him to leave but he couldn’t. Not when Billy was in there and needed their help. 

Then Billy stood up, veins blackened and raised, and began ramming his body against the door in an attempt to open it. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Robin gasped and tried pushing Steve away, but he shook his head.

“Go.”

“Are you shitting me?” Dustin screamed, “You’re coming with us, Harrington.”

Steve turned to look at Dustin, eyes glistening with tears, “Go help the others, I’m going to save him.” He wasn’t sure he would walk away from this, but he would be damned if he didn’t try. 

Robin knew there was no talking Steve out of this, but she wasn’t so sure he was going to succeed in his plan, either. After meeting his eyes, they shared a minute nod, a silent goodbye. She grabbed hold of Dustin and pulled him away, and just in time, too, as the sauna door flew off its frame, the chain links clattering everywhere.

“Shit, come on, Henderson” Erica finally yelled, pulling him away by his vest, refusing to let Billy hurt him too.

Billy rushed toward Steve, forcing him to swing that pool net in an attempt to get him away, but Billy and this thing were far too strong. Next thing Steve knew, he was pushed against the brick wall, Billy’s hands around his neck, squeezing. Steve grasped at Billy’s hands, struggling for air as Billy began to lift him off the floor.

“Oh, god,” Robin gasped, her and Erica pulling Dustin around to the other side of the fence. They should run far, far away from here, but they couldn’t leave Steve, not yet anyway. Steve had to pull this off. He just had to.

“Billy- this- isn’t- you-“ Steve struggled as Billy tightened his grip around his neck. The man before him right now wasn’t the man he fell for in gym class. He clawed at Billy’s hand, desperate to be out of the chokehold. Billy’s eyes looked into his, hardened and hollow. Steve couldn’t see Billy in those eyes he had fallen in love with. He had to bring him back. 

“You-You’re Billy Hargrove, you’re eighteen, and were born in C-California. You graduated from Hawkins High School and got your first job here as a lifeguard. You listen to Metallica after every fight with your dad and lift weights as an outlet. You only smoke Marlboro reds because you say the golds are for moms and the menthols are for old people,” he squirmed under Billy’s grip, terrified that if he couldn’t bring Billy back, not only would everyone here at the pool die, but all of Hawkins with them. 

Steve’s eyes burned with tears as he reached up to touch Billy’s cheek, as he had done thousands of times. Billy’s gaze softened, and he slowly lowered Steve back to the ground, hands still around his neck.

“You love to surf and you miss the ocean because,” he swallowed, trying to catch his breath, “be-because it reminds you of your mom. You miss her every day and that’s why you never take off her necklace, so a part of her is always close. We were in your Camaro with the seats down while we ate McDonald’s and you told me all about her,” his thumb brushed over Billy’s cheekbone, careful to avoid the healing wound, “You dropped me off at my house later that night, an-and you kissed me for the first time. When we played basketball the next day, I fell and scraped my knee even after you told me to plant my feet, but you patched it up anyway, then you asked me to be yours.”

Steve smiled at the memory, relaxing as he saw Billy’s eyes well with tears also. He was coming back to him slowly, remembering. 

“You are Billy Hargrove, a flawed human being. You are Billy Hargrove, an amazing person who is always trying to be better despite what life has thrown your way,” Billy’s knees buckled and they both fell, Steve catching Billy the best he could given their current position. Billy held himself up by his palms, vaguely aware he shouldn’t crush Steve. Steve cradled Billy’s face in his hands, tears sliding down his face, into his hair, “You are Billy Hargrove and you are the love of my life.”

He leaned forward and kissed Billy with all the love he could muster, not stopping until he felt Billy release his neck and slide his arms around his waist. Steve pulled back to look into Billy’s eyes, the baby blues that he had fallen in love with. 

“Billy?”

Billy nodded his head tentatively, still attempting to ground himself. 

Steve let out a sob and threw his arms around Billy in a bone crushing hug, thankful he hadn’t lost him forever. He didn’t even care that Robin and the kids were around to see this. Billy was back and they were both alive. 

“I’m sorry,” Billy whispered, face buried in Steve’s neck, “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to- he made me. You know me, I-I would never.”

Steve pressed a kiss to Billy’s shoulder, “I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

MAIN MASTERLIST

HARRINGROVE BINGO MASTERLIST

[clovermunson]

hi!! your party is almost over :(( but i’ve come around to bug you until it ends!! i’d like to request 📝 with billy if you don’t mind. as for a scenario, i’m up for anything you’d like to write. maybe some comfort? i trust you. hope you’re having a good day!!

thank you!! <333

hiii!! i knooowww :( but you can send in as many emojis as you want or you can take up the remainder of the blurb spots and i’d be more than happy!!

after being so mean to billy in my current wips, i need to write something cute and nice for him, so thank you for giving me the perfect opportunity!

and the fact that you trust me to write comfort for billy? i—🥹💕 that really just made my day so much better!!

📝notes from the upside down— send this + a character (and scenario if you want!) and i’ll write a little blurb for it (limited to ten nine eight spots)

join the celebration!

warnings: mentions of billy’s home life (poor baby needs a hug), non-descriptive mentions of minor injuries, extra fluffiness and cuteness bc billy needs it. a tiny bit suggestive at the end. (might make a fic based off of this but idk yet bc this is very off the top of my head)

pairings: billy hargrove x fem!reader

**gif is from pinterest so credit to the original creator!!

Billy’s home life was rough, you knew that much. And with knowing that, it wasn’t uncommon for him to sneak in through your window in the middle of the night. Tonight was no exception.

The only difference this time was that he’d shown up with a split lip and tear-filled eyes. He’d nearly fallen through the window into your room, just barely catching his balance to avoid face-planting into the carpet.

“You know, you could’ve just come through the front door.” You smiled at him as he straightened up, “my parents aren’t home.”

Billy shook his head, “sorry I…I didn’t think about that.” He’d forgotten that you’d told him your parents would be gone and he could just use the front door for the next few days.

In his fight with Neil, he’d seemingly forgotten quite a few things— one of those being to just keep his damn mouth shut, and that’s why he got a busted lip.

“Billy…” you murmured, gently lifting his chin, “what happened to you?” You scanned over his features, his bottom lip blood-stained and his eyes red from what you’d assumed to be tears. It wasn’t unusual for him to cry during the car ride to your house, but you tried to never mention it unless he wanted to talk about it, for his sake.

“Neil.” He snorted, rather incredulously. “I decided to be a smartass and this is what it got me.” He gestured to his lip, a half-hearted smirk on his face.

“Come on.” You took his hand, leading him to your bathroom so you could clean him up a bit.

You switched on the light to have a better look at his wounds as you ran some warm water over a washcloth. You hopped onto the counter, motioning for Billy to come to you, and he did— though it was rather shyly.

“I…I couldn’t let him say those things.” Billy admitted as you turned back to him, “he said you were just another girl I was sleeping with to pass the time and I…I snapped.” He felt as if he was about to break down in tears again, his misty eyes and near sobs had told you as much.

“Shh,” you quietly tried to soothe him as you wiped away the blood on his lip, “we both know that everything that comes out of Neil’s mouth is a lie.”

Billy gently took your free hand into his, kissing your knuckles, then the back of your hand. “But he said those things about you.” He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles, “I couldn’t let him get by with that.”

“My hero.” You gave him a bright smile, and a small giggle, lifting his spirits a bit. You’d noticed his knuckles, a bit busted up, but nothing that would really cause an issue. You wiped them with the washcloth, the dried blood coming off rather easily.

“Did you…” you were almost afraid to ask, but you swallowed your fear and asked anyway, “did you hit him?”

Billy nodded meekly, “just once though…then that’s when he did this to me.”

You nodded, a hand on his bicep as you placed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“C’mere.” You pulled him into a hug, your arms wrapping around his neck as his wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him.

Billy had always made a point to hug you as tight as he could, but tonight, he was hugging you a little tighter than usual. Around you, he was a much softer, even gentler version of himself. You were the one person who could make him calm down even when he’d been at his worst.

“You wanna stay here tonight?” You asked, a bold move since it was a rare occasion that he stayed the night.

Billy nodded, his head buried in the crook of your neck. “Mhm…” you could hear him quietly mumble.

“We’ll share the bed.” You stated matter-of-factly, leaving no room for an argument from him, not that he would argue anyway.

“It’s not like we haven’t done worse.” Billy smirked, kissing up your neck, stopping just below your earlobe.

“Billy…” you whined, playfully shoving him back, “you’re injured.” You said it with a chiding tone, though it carried no seriousness.

“I’m never too injured to show you how grateful I am to have you, princess.”

[hermioneismyrealname]

Oh religious trauma? The gaslighting. Yeah but I don't hate him for it. I think season 3 is where azirapheal can finally cut all the strings. That's why it's here in season 2. Becuase he is a writer and that's the story.

I see that Neil is doing it intentionally for azirapheal's arc. There is so much of heaven that Crowley has already seen that azira won't believe. Not every character is perfect and not every story is happy. That's why development through the suffering will be satisfying once redemption begins. If azira did run away with Crowley now, there would always be that string, which would begin their demise. Having Azira be put through trial in cutting that string, it would be the end of their demise.

Season 1 feels like a filler ep rather than a prologue

Season 2 feels like the beginning which is why the end, is only the middle part

Season 3, hopefully will begin the end that is happy.

Sorry, I'm not the best with words to articulate my argument. I'm better at flourishing words in creative writing. Which is why I thought season 2 was perfect and anticipate season 3 to be gratifying. The pain and suffering would be necessary. I know I'm here where I am for everything I've been through, and I'm proud of where I am. Sure, it'd be nice if I wasn't traumatized, but heck, I know im just proof people can look up to that it's possible to make it. I'm just another story. So is this series. Aren't we all? This hurts, but that's because it's a story. If we felt nothing, it's just another useless paragraph of pointless words.

And heck, think about all the people who don't realize what they're going through until they see it happening to somebody else. I am one of those people who praise GO2 because despite me sobbing for 3 hours straight at being triggered and upset and broken all over again, it's a story worth telling. Seriously, I can't wait for the angst.

Breaking my tumblr hiatus to RANT

So in episode 2 we all come to the conclusion that it is very cruel of God and the ‘Heavenly Plan’ to take everything from Job only to test his faith and the promise of something better. Job doesn’t want 7 new children, he wants his original three that he knows and loves. Aziraphale agrees that taking away all the man has is too cruel to let slide, even with the promise of something better afterwards. He cooperates in the scheme to let Job have his children back. He agrees that everything Job went through was uncalled for and cruel.  

THEN WHY THE FUCK DOES NEIL DO EXACTLY THIS TO CROWLEY (and lets be fair, to us as well) KNOWING DAMN WELL WHAT MESSAGE HE PUT IN EPISODE 2??? Season 2 gets hyped up. The first 5 and a half episodes were fantastic and hopeful and yes we are being FED and now Neil takes it away. For ‘suffering’ and ‘character development’ 

“Yes but we’re getting something better and greater and more in season 3!”

RELIGIOUS GASLIGHTING IS EXACTLY THAT. SUFFERING FOR THE SAKE OF SO CALLED ‘’BUILDING CHARACTER’’ AND “THE PROMISE OF REDEMPTION.” NO. FUCK THAT. 

THIS IS THE SAME BULLSHIT THEY TOLD JOB!!!!  

Neil is a smart man. He writes things intentionally. Of course he is aware of the singificance of episode 2 in the greater scheme of things. He wrote it. 

But why for the love of the Husbands does he have to play Gaslight God to the entire fandom as a test to stay faithful to him until season 3??? Why does he let Aziraphale play Gaslight God to Crowley by crushing his hopes and dreams to run off together????   I’m not kidding my religious trauma is triggered as fuck and I want so bad to be among the people who praise everyone who made GO2 happen for an amazing season and be hyped for season 3 but shit this realization hit me right where it hurts.  Please tell me I’m not alone in this. 

[thatfuckingweirdo]

Up, Up and Away...

Bucky Barnes x Insecure!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky turns soft in the middle of sex, and you're left wondering if you were the cause.

Warnings: Angst, insecurities, erectile dysfunction, tears, self doubt, semi smut, implied smut, and uh, I think that's all?

Authors Notes: This was a fun one to write! It definitely got out of hand and I'm glad I ended it before it got any longer, no pun intended!

This is written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club thank you so much for the prompt! 💙

Word count: 1,298

Hours Earlier

"Oh Bucky… yes… right there…" you moaned, your nails scratching down his back as he fucked you hard, the mattress squeaking under you that only made the sex feel so much better and intimate.

Bucky was panting quietly, a permanent frown in between his eyes. He was so tired from the mission and the stress from the upcoming mission didn't help his mood, there were things on his mind but he wanted to please you before the two of you went to sleep.

The longer he was thrusting, the more tired he was feeling and fuck… he turned soft inside of you. Ashamed, he pulled out and sighed, rolling away from you and bouncing back on his side of the bed. "Sorry doll, good night." He mumbled under his breath, reaching over to turn off the lamp. He was already snoring before you had the chance to say goodnight.

Present time...

The coffee cup in front of you held your interest as you stared into the cup. Was it you? Was Bucky not sexually attracted to you anymore? Did he finally open his eyes and realize just what he could have with someone else? This has never happened before, not in the three years of your relationship. His stamina and sexual appetite has always been really good that sometimes you would need to turn him down because of how sore he made you.

You couldn't make sense of it. The more you thought about it, the more likely it felt like it was your fault. It was also the first time you slept away from each other, it was like two strangers in a bed where in normal circumstances, you would usually be cuddling up to each other in the night. It was strange and you didn't feel good about it.

Bucky soon joined you in the kitchen, pouring his own coffee and sitting down silently opposite you, flipping through the pages of the newspaper. He hasn't said good morning, you realize and it stings. What you weren't aware of was the embarrassment he was feeling from last night. He shouldn't have let the stress and tiredness get to him which caused his boner to deflate mid use. He didn't know how to apologize for such a thing.

The mission coming up was the worst one yet because it was an infiltration of a hydra base, the former bunker in which he was kept and that's why this mission weighed down heavy on his shoulders.

Bucky realized he forgot to say good morning and looked up from his newspaper to find you already starting at him with a sad look in your eyes. He smiled as kindly as he could before clearing his throat and scratching his head. "Mornin' doll."

A little bit of hope sends flutters to your stomach and you shift in your seat before clearing your own throat. "Morning, did you sleep okay?" The atmosphere feels awkward and you hate it. It's never been like this before.

"Yeah- yeah I slept good. Just waiting for this mission to be over and done with." He sighs, gulping down his coffee in one go and standing up to put the dirty cup in the sink.

The morning after the awkward encounter in the kitchen, Bucky left for his week-long mission with a quick kiss to your cheek. You spent most of that time alone and it was probably the most dangerous thing you could have done. All of your insecurities crept back one by one, making you feel like you were the most grossest person on earth. The nights were spent crying and sobbing into his pillow, you would wake up the next morning with headaches and sore eyes.

On the fourth night, there were no more tears left to cry. You did wake up in a bitter mood though, it only improved slightly because an agent had come running in to inform everyone the team was on their way back earlier than expected. Apparently, the mission had been a success. You're glad that nobody was hurt, but you couldn't help the anxious feeling of what would happen with you and Bucky. What would happen to your relationship?

You would soon learn things would remain the same, you still haven't talked about that night and your insecurities were still eating away in your mind. Bucky hasn't initiated sex since, and to be honest it only made you feel worse. You started to wear full pajamas to bed instead of just your sleep shirt and panties because you thought it would make him feel a bit more comfortable around you.

It hurt a lot more when you would notice his bulge in his sweatpants from watching a steamy sex scene in a movie, but not around you. Deciding you couldn't take this anymore, you figured the best thing to do would be to move out of his room and back into your old one. You had to negotiate a hug with Tony for your key back, but it was worth it.

Bucky walked in after his run with Steve to find you throwing your clothes into a duffel bag and tears streaming down your face. Panicked, he closed and locked the door behind him to stop you from walking out before he's had a chance to speak to you.

"Doll? What's going on?" His brows furrow even deeper when you ignore him, and he grabs the duffel bag and throws it over the other side of the room. Thank goodness the window wasn't open.

"I could ask you the same question. It's fine if you're not sexually attracted to me anymore but it's an insult if there's something more going on-"

"Something more? What are you talking about? And who said I wasn't sexually attracted to you? Did that Neil guy say something?" Bucky was feeling angrier by the second. Not at you of course, but he hated people on the outside of your relationship sticking their opinions in your business.

"I'm talking about that night, Bucky. You haven't initiated sex with me since and I know it's something to do with me because I've seen you adjusting yourself from watching a movie!"

"Doll, it's a misunderstanding please let me explain?" He pleads, taking your hands and kissing the back of them before capturing your tears with his thumbs. You nod, taking a seat on the bed and waiting for him to continue. He kneels down in front of you and rests his arms on your thighs. "That night had nothing to do with you baby, you felt as amazing as ever. It was my fault; I got myself worked up over the missions that it interfered with… things. And, I haven't initiated anything because I thought you were ashamed of me and I was embarrassed."

You let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. "So, you still want me?" You sniffled, wiping your wet cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater.

Bucky looks almost offended that you could ask such a question. "Of course I want you doll, I always want you. Can I show you how much?" His eyes drop to your lips and you subconsciously lick them out of the bad habit you have.

"How- do you wanna do that?" Bucky smirks at your question and reaches for your hand before dipping it under the elastic of his running shorts and boxers. You gasp audibly when you're met with something very hard, hot and pulsing against your fingertips with need.

"You see? It's not you, it was me. If it was you, I wouldn't be constantly horny for you." He winks, shoving his pants and boxers down his legs to let his erection spring free. "Now, let me show you how much I want and need you."