#neil: see aaron? when people love you they kill your abuser

[palmettoshenanigans]

Katelyn, learns the story of how Andrew killed Tilda: Oh. Good.

The Foxes: *scared and confused*

Katelyn, smiling at Andrew with all her teeth showing: Good work!

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

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“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

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do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

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oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

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wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

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It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

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Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

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“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

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Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

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betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

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“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

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“It’s not about size, anyway.” ​“Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. ​Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

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“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

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“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

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“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” ​“Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

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CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

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They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

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“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

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ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

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‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

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dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we��re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

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Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” ​Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” ​Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

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Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

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SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

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“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

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everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

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kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” ​“I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

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“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. ​“Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

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She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

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Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

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“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

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i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” ​Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

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“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. ​“Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

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JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

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jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

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So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

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Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

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SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

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You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

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no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

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um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

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Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” ​“I do not want you to look.” ​It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

-

only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

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nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

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i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

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jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

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“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

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Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

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Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

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YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

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Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

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The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

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“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

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“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” ​“Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

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He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

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Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

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“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

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ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

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“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

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“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

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i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

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jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

[perfecteggpartyland]

come ON! you said if someone calls kevin a coward you'd go ballistic. that was NOT going ballistic! :{

Kevin day is not a coward at all just because he's rightfully terrified of riko and fucking Yakuza that could like we saw do actual damage. He grew up in the rest where Neil almost breaks after staying there for two weeks. He's traumatized like other foxes ; like Neil and no one gives a crap. Neil is terrified of his father too all the time yet he calls Kevin a coward when for Kevin that's riko. Also bravery is not only shit talking and losing temper which Neil/Andrew does a lot of times. Not to mention Kevin knows the consequences and was conditioned to shut up. Neil while I love him to death is a mass hypocrite and his so called bravery had bad consequences for people involved. Kevin knowing not to provoke riko is not a bad thing.he grew up in fucking mafia for hells sake; by your logic is jean a coward too? If Kevin day really was a coward he wouldn't continue playing with his other hand out of spite; he wouldn't offer to talk to Neil about riko when he's traumatized to the point of seeing him gave him a panic attack; he wouldn't tell Neil to run away after knowing his identify and risking the game he lives for. Non of the foxes are cowards including Kevin day. Not to mention In the end he does stand up to riko and frees himself mentally at least a little. So coward shouldn't be fucking part of his description as large as it is. Neils shitty behaviour gets exscused a lot but Kevin just gets labeled as coward and I'm tired of it. That's a complete misinterpretation of his character. Being hot headed is not the same as being brave and if not for Neil's bravery as people like to call it Seth maybe would be alive ; riko killed him but Neil also provoked him knowing rikos family is fucking mafia . Kevin day at the end of the series at least is not a coward if y'all still want to stick with that word in the beginning which doesn't fit him at all . He was conditioned in the nest and he's also not a coward for holding a bit affection of riko. His brother. Neil still loves his mother despite her being abusive as well. And Aaron too. In the end he does stand up to them but him not talon shit is not enough to call him a coward.

[capcavan]

I actually want to congratulate you on your work because what I don't think a lot of people in this fandom understand is that Riko is a character that is FUCKING HARD to get right. Not just to understand, but to WRITE. You can't make him too unhinged or he's just a cartoon villain and you can't make his actions too light (If you're writing within canon) or he looks like a pathetic clown instead of the actual threat he is on canon and if you aim for the middle he can end up just bland (AND I WILL SAY the greatest offenders in this are Riko haters and not his stans). And even in your most redemptionest AUs you manage to write him in a way that is consistent with the existing characterisation. I have yet to come across from a post by you that didn't make me think "yeah, if things went different, he could have turned out like this"

I feel pretty honoured I feel like I just won fandom and riko is shipped to me in the post . I would like to thank my parents for making me fucked up enough to get him.

There is few things that contribute to it all pretty much. And I will use this as excuse to talk about them all its 7 am and I slept 4 hours let's goooo

I actually see riko as very pathetic and non threat myself and I'm pretty sure Neil and most foxes do as well because even on my first reading of the books something stuck out to me pręty severly

Characters who actually killed people in those books

Andrew Aaron Renee Neil ? The foxes are pretty hands on with murder

Riko? Riki never actually got his hands dirty it does separate him already in cannon as all bark no bite whose only way to be intimidating is to use family name and people who follow him menawhile Riko himself is scary only to Kevin.

Riko's buildup in narrative as threat is very good but I really wouldn't confuse it as fear of him himself.

Riko's roast perfectly sums it up

Riko is pathetic used and delusional

I'm sorry if this is spitting onto what you said I am happy you like my things but I truly believe that riko is pathetic and I say this fully loving his character and issues his character puts light on.

He is scary only if you give him power as abuser (wchih is what this fandom does a lot in their need to have black and white villian ) but as a person he is pathetic.

But seeing riko as pathetic is seen by people as " he is poor and sad and I don't want to feel this way about him BC he is bad person "

He is not pathetic little kitty

He is pathetic eaten by anger and frustrations and unable to cry from all the pain he is in I can see how killing him could be seen as mercy actually.

Another thing I think people don't get right

Is that riko is not 100% delusional about his value

He has skills and he knows he is worth something he is fighting to have his father acknowledge it not because he does not feel worthy but because he knows he has a lot to offer and wants a chance to show it

He does not feel worthles he is just frustrated that others see him as such

Also growing pains are important thing to show

I think saddest and my favourite thing about riko is that the better person you let him be the more unhappy he will be.being good person won't erase things he did in the past and hurt he caused and the further you go the heavier it will be on his conscience and this is balance in act and I have way too many versions of the story where I let him snap

So yeah riko is pathetic clown and he is scary only when you don't understand this I'm sorry to blow his cover like that !

Maybe my reading of character is different in the end we all base things we create on things we know and while I never did such horrible things I know how it feels to grow into being a better person than I used to be and I know how it feels to still not believe you did got better even when I have friends to prove. There is a lot of comfort in seeing someone so horrible get nice things not because I did those horrible things but because I know how it feels to not deserve anything nice and hate myself enough to self sabotage.

I could go on also to talk about difference between gloryfying physical abuse in fandom and ignoring psychological abuse but maybe that's a talk for another time.

[jeanmoreaux]

okay so not to alarm you but prince's gambit has rewired my brain

like objectively i admit this series is dark and gross and yada yada yada all the caveats, i get it....but also i'm gonna be so honest i was expecting worse? like more specifically between damen and laurent. like the world itself is crude and terrible but everybody made it seem like it was this insane relationship that leaned into the sex slavery part and i'm just so compelled by the fact that as characters, both damen and laurent are overall....pretty decent people. like sure they have slaves, they kill people sure, but they don't abuse each other to the same extent like i see in a lot of toxic ships and that's soooo fascinating. (especially because i'm still waiting on laurent's reasoning for his celibacy! what is he hiding!!!) the reason the ship works so well is that starts as enemies to allies first and they do shockingly treat each other with as much consent as they're able most of the time. and in book two especially there's just so much less horror than in book one.

i think it was uncomfortable to adjust to the world itself because of obvious reasons but i think the political intrigue of book two is SO interesting and compelling and yeah i'll say it, i fucking love stories where the enemies end up becoming the only people they can trust - and the REASON IS they are BOTH TRYING TO DO GOOD! which is again so andreil coded, although it's for sure in a different way. my other favorite character archetype is the bad guy who is actually doing good underneath he just never corrects anyone because it's easier and better strategically to be bad!!! (me reading this: oh okay so it's a rhysand thing isn't it) like sure laurent is a bitch but he's literally giving aaron warner

i'll admit i am slightly terrified of what will happen when laurent finds out who damen actually is but i am LIVING for these bonding moments where they keep saving each other's life like DAMN i'm into that shit

anyway. i've fallen into the deep end and i fear i'll be stuck here for a while but hey, it's fun. i feel like i should be more ashamed of enjoying it BUT it's fun.

i know you already finished kings rising by now and i know i already screamed sufficiently in the dms (<3) BUT i just need to post this because your reactions in any shape and form are priceless to me. like YEAH it isn’t as bad as some people make it out to be. like you mentioned in some other tags on your blog, for a series that people claim is about focused on sex slavery (which it is not lol) there is a lot of consent happening. also like. the gross and disturbing stuff mostly happens in book one (after that it’s getting much tamer (still heavy and disturbing things happening but to a different extent) and it’s mostly just established things playing out and the main dynamic shifts so so much from where it started and in book three you understand why things unraveled and happened the way they did in book one. and by then everything has changed and the person they used to hate is their focal point and the only person they can actually trust. and the loyalty and devotion are well-earned and bone deep on both sides. it’s just soooo *head in hands* 🧎‍♀️and just to have it said, with an ounce of critical thinking you can see that there are points being made—shocking and “problematic” things in this story do have a point to exist in the story. it’s actually a story that at its core much more about love and forgiveness and overcoming your past than anything else. people either get it or they don’t.

and i know you understand now when i said they are andreil coded in a distinct way in the sense that their dynamics resembles them but they both resemble them as individuals as well but also they are completely different from neil and andrew and ahhhhh it makes me feel insane but You Know.

[altruistic-meme]

AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :) 

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil, 

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Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

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the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty  )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

-

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!! 

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence, 

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The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic. 

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries, 

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Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary​ )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, 

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

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Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point, 

-- 

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

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The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

-

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring, 

-- 

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

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When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh 

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

 A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

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12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic. 

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

--

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites ​ )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

~

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

~

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher, 

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

[skeetusmcyeetus]

I’ve making headcanons about all of my hyper fixations for a while now and just dumping them on my friends so I’m gonna also dump them here.

If you’re into All For the Game , My Hero Academia, ATLA, The Raven Cycle stay fuckn tuned my doods bc I have a loooot of stuff rattling around my empty skull.

Not all of these are 100% mine some of them are already pretty popular and I’m expanding on them or I heard something similar and edited it to my own tastes

I’ll separate them by series,,,

Theres like one canon that’s mildly nsfw

TW: drug abuse

Mha/Bnha

pro hero kirishima’s Red Riot™️ merch is insanely size inclusive bc he wants fatgum to be able to wear the hoodie that kiri’s pr team sent him but that’s not all,,

If he wasn’t super gay and in love with Bakugou he’d be very Into BBWs so again his merch is super size inclusive bc he wants everyone to be able to wear it

The company that makes the merch also takes requests for special made merch for people who’s quirks interfere with a “normal” size or dimension

ALSO ,,,,this man(kiri) is built like a fuckn MACK TRUCK OKAY he is 6’7” and cannot fit through doorways without ducking and turning a little to the side ,,, he is broad And still wears no shirt™️ ,,, this being said ,, bakugou is still around 5’8” and pretty slim don’t get me wrong he’s extremely strong and toned but he’s not huge,, it makes flying easier if he stays a little lighter ,,,,,,, the point is,, sometimes kiri will pick up bakugou with one arm and bakugou can’t even pretend to hate it anymore

Also,,,, fatgum has to use special pens and keyboards because of how big his hands are,,, he’s literally 8’2” I won’t take criticism on this

Fatgum actually loves wearing red riot and sun eater merch

Allmight and Inko start dating and one day when they’re out someone comments on how much all might “looks like a skeleton” and she absolutley lets loose on them for being so vapid and shallow and how “he’s risked his life to save people like you more times than you have ever even thought about being helpful in your life and it would serve you well to treat someone who’d die for you without even knowing you with more respect”

All might had to gently pull her away bc the guy was crying and she wasn’t anywhere near finished with him

Midnight is Asexual and aggressively pretends to be horny on main™️ because for one, it works with her quirk and two, nothing sells better than sex especially when you’re a woman.

Bakugou and kirishima use sign language to talk shit at Public events

Dabi is addicted to painkillers because he’s been on them his entire life,, he wakes up with the shakes and sometimes toga has to help him take his meds in the morning because he’s already in withdrawal

Tensei was the first one to realize that iida was autistic and immediately did copious amounts of research on ASD and how to be a good brother to him

ATLA

sokka grows his hair as long as Zuko’s (except the sides obvi) and sometimes he’ll wear his hair in the fire nation top knot and zuko loses it every time

Azula gets help and now sometimes when she wakes up with the sun after a night of fitful sleep she goes to the courtyard to have tea with iroh. They never talk, but then again they never need to.

Sometimes after a hard day sokka falls asleep in the bathtub and wakes up to zuko warming the water back up and washing his hair for him

Suki lounges in zukos throne while zuko gets worked up about stuff and paces all around the room

Mai is on the ace spectrum

When sokka and zuko visit the southern water tribe zuko will firebend for the all of the kids in the village,,, they love him so much and sometimes sokka gets a little teary eyed watching him

Sokka braids zukos hair water tribe style and it’s the hottest thing maybe ever

Zuko takes sokka on shopping sprees pretty frequently and sokka fuckn loves it

One time someone has the nerve to call sokka “the fire lords sugar baby” and sokka just flips his ponytail over his shoulder Ariana style and says “and what about it?”

The Raven cycle

Ronan has 100% killed Robert Parrish in his dreams and when he wakes up to see Adam next to him he almost immediately wants to go back to sleep and do it again for all the pain he’s caused Adam

Gansey is oblivious to the fact that he is indeed shredded,, when he gets really worked up he moves his arms a l o t like rolls up his sleeves, crosses and uncrosses his arms and The gang’s favorite is when he puts his hands on his head and subconsciously flexes,,,, literally entire gangsey will group swoon at him and he genuinely thinks they are marvelling at his passion for whatever he’s worked up about

Ronan watched broke back mountain once when he was like 16 and now all he can think about is being a gay cowboy ,,,

Adam will read people’s tarot wrong if theyre douchebags

Don’t you think it’s funny that the ganseys don’t have any straight children?

Blue has a T-shirt from each member of the gangsey (except Noah,, rip Noah) and shes created a terrible Franken-T-shirt by ripping them up and sewing them all back together in an extremely ugly patch work thing

Adam talks in Latin in his sleep and it really freaks his roommate out,, like a lot,, not to mention the fact that Adam already creeps him out to begin with bc he’s got that other vibe that comes from being tied to cabeswater and lindenmere ,, 6 out of 7 days his roommate is convinced that he’s a witch or a fairy or something

Ronan teaches opal how to bake and opal burns everything on purpose

aftg

Neil has definitely killed multiple people to survive

Neil’s mom definitely made him kill someone at least twice to make sure he could kill to survive on his own if they got separated

he probably definitely still has nightmares about each one

Matt and Dan both had a crush on Neil for like 30 seconds and absolutely talked to each other about him

Ppl always talk about how hot it is to crush a watermelon with your thighs,,,, Andrew could do it with his arms

Aarons ass is so flat and Andrew has an absolute dumptruck

Kevin started out as one of those annoying “obsessed with WWII” history guys and now he’s actually very into queer history and will rant about the lavender scare for an hour if you let him

The foxes lounge room(?) has a dart board with riko’s face on it to this day,, they literally have a drawer full of copies the same image of riko and every time one gets worn out they put a new one up. It’s more of an inside joke now but wymack still hates that little puke even though he’s dead so it stays up

Post-canon Neil gets drunk and teaches the team how to steal a car by hot wiring Matt’s truck

Matt does drag for halloween one year and Dan liked it a little too much *cough cough* she pegged him while he was still in drag

Someone once asked Renee if she was “saving herself for marriage like a good Christian girl should” and Allison knocked them out cold and stepped over the body

Neil calls Aaron ugly to his face literally any chance he gets (I feel like this one might be canon but I actually don’t know What’s real anymore)

Andrew Unironically wears a pink apron that says “kiss the cook” that Nicky got him for Christmas when he bakes

Okay I think that’s it ? For now?? Let me know if y’all want more,,,,, I’ll separate them next time I just really had to dump these and I didn’t want to make multiple posts.

I made this at 5:30 in the morning sorry if it’s riddled with typos and errors.

[aftgficrec]

Hiiii lovelies! 💜 I'm looking for fics similar to Heavy Dirty Soul by alexjosten. Can you rec anything like that?

Something similar to ‘Heavy Dirty Soul’... you don’t make things easy, do you? (lol)

In the end, I scrounged around to see what Kevin/Neil fics I could find, and ended up with a mix of old and new. There seems to be an increase in interest in this pairing, so maybe there’ll be a little more new content in the future. Hope there’s something for you in the selection below! - S

Also see...

Kevin/Neil here (find the first 2 fics mentioned below in this ask)

More Kevin/Neil here

Even more Kevin/Neil here

tumblr Kevin/Neil here (with tips for tumblr searches)

‘Don’t Bury Me (With A Coin Under My Tongue)’ here

‘Hummingbird Heartbeats’ here

‘Fin Du Jeu’, ‘morbid stuff’ series and ‘Heavy’ here

‘Just Kevin’ here

‘Oops (Didn’t Mean It)’ here

‘Now that I have got you’, ‘5 things’ (now complete) and ‘not very good at this’ here

‘The Vixen’ and ‘Running in the Rain’ here

Heavy Dirty Soul by alexjosten [Rated E, 38356 words, incomplete, last updated Dec 2018]

Andrew doesn't believe Neil when he explains he has a binder full of Kevin's photos because he's in love with him. To catch him in his lie, he convinces Kevin to fake interest in Neil to get him to give up the act. Problem is, neither of them know how far Neil is willing to go to ensure his survival.

tw: panic attacks

What we become in the absence by zen_fox [Rated M, 46369 words, complete, 2018]

Kevin Day, Exy’s former superstar, is now relegated by injury to the lowly position of Assistant Coach for the Palmetto State Foxes. Neil Josten, PSU's newest recruit, has a promising future ahead of him— and a dark past behind him.

In the absence of anyone to protect them, what will they become?

(An AFTG AU where Andrew never signed for the Foxes, so Kevin never had the backup to return to the court, and Neil never had anyone to dig up his secrets. Will Neil's truth ever out, and will Kevin ever play again?)

tw: alcohol, tw: canonical character death, tw: referenced gun violence, tw: implied/referenced torture

Apartment 314 By Nikotheamazingspoonklepto [Rated M, 18715 words, complete, Aftg Reverse Big Bang 2019]

(Kevin/Neil leading to Kandreil)

Day & Josten run their Private Investigation business out of their apartment and manage to make ends meet without touching Neil's family money. Some months are better than others, but the two of them have been content in their inner city apartment, running around and spying on people for money. Over the last seven years, they've built a life together and it's been good.

Then Andrew Minyard, a lawyer from out of town knocks on their door and presents them with a case that they can't refuse - not with the amount of money offered - or the familiar look in his eye.

tw: attempted sexual assault, tw: torture, tw: murder, tw: implied alcoholism, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

NB: art for this fic by @mr-im-fine can be found embedded in the fic

Surface & Symbol by OfficialStarsandGutters [Rated T, 50227 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2021]

Fake dating KevNeil AU with art student Neil.

“Short version: I have to go to a homophobic event so I wanna bring a date to make a statement, but as Aaron has just made abundantly clear, the concept of anyone willingly dating me is obviously a huge joke. So Kevin has very kindly agreed to pretend he can stand me for one evening.”

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Pull the trigger (Till the end) by eloquent_apollo [Rated G, 32036 words, incomplete, Aftg Big Bang, last updated Aug 2021]

Prodigy Kevin Day is always one step ahead of Nathaniel. He is always just a little faster, just a little better. They are rivals, who will never get along. That is, until they are transferred to the same team. Now they must learn to cooperate, as the clock is ticking for Nathaniel to prove himself to the Moriyamas.

tw: implied/referenced abuse

one of us has to make it by thewintersolstice [Rated M, 8324 words, complete, 2021]

When Kevin wins and Riko destroys his hand, Nathaniel's the one who gets him away. Nathaniel's also the one who gets left behind.

Raven!Neil AU.

“I — I can’t leave.” Nathaniel can see the panic building in Kevin's eyes, the realization, the fear. “Nathaniel I can’t, you know I can’t, he will kill me—“

“Hasn’t he done it already?” Nathaniel’s voice is ragged, broken, all of the anger but none of it for Kevin, all of it is because it’s fucked. It’s fucked beyond repair and it is perfect.

Kevin is going to get out.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced torture

celestial bodies by skullcaid [Rated T, 5604 words, complete, 2021]

Tangling fingers in hair and accidentally napping together. Sharing clothes and watching and playing Exy. It's an epiphany, a realisation, and confessions and exploring. Kevin and Neil. Day and night. Sun and moon. They match, because of course they do.

Kevneil in a perfect court AU by @kevindayisafrog [tumblr, 2021]

Here’s a painful one shot of Kevneil in a perfect court AU based on artwork by @knandersonart on Instagram

tw: blood, tw: anxiety, tw: panic attacks, tw: abuse

daysten baking au by @girloikawa [tumblr, 2020]

so, the premise is that for a competition you’re supposed to team up with another bakery in your area to compete for a $15,000 cash check that you have to spilt.

Art

Kevin has to leave Neil in the Nest by @koihoi [tumblr, 2021]

Early morning run with Kevin and Neil by @rainbowd00dles [tumblr, 2021]

Sleepy Kevin/Neil by @gthechangeling [tumblr, 2021]

Kevin/Neil by @bambazzle [tumblr, 2021]

Feral boyfriends by @cowboymoonking [tumblr, 2020]

Found this Kevneil piece in my wips… by @leloqier [tumblr, 2020]

Neil hit every cone in practice by @mr-im-fine [tumblr, 2018]

[ninyard]

I’d like to read your thoughts on Andrew’s trigger re: Proust, also do you think others notice or know about what happened besides Neil? I feel like Bee and Renee and Aaron definitely do not know during the books but might find out what happened later. Kevin might know or suspect but not directly ask because he knows he won’t get a straight answer or he just doesn’t want to know for sure.

Oh I LOVE THIS QUESTION!!!! Anon you spark my imagination in such ways that HURT BIG TIME

CW; Drake mention, Proust, Andrew’s past, knife mention

Here’s my opinion on who knows/who doesn’t know and honestly, I think anyone outside of the people you mentioned are just…not options. It would break Nicky to find out. Coach doesn’t need to know. Abby sees some new scars but she doesn’t ask. But Bee, Aaron, Kevin and Renee?

Firstly, I have a different opinion on Andrew/Bee’s relationship than what Nora said in the extra content, and honestly I refuse to believe Andrew just…doesn’t really talk to Bee about things? I think for a good year of their relationship things were hot and cold, and a lot of the time he would stop her when their conversations started getting too personal, or when he felt he was opening up just a little too much. But when Neil said “I knew who Drake was.” And Betsy said “How? Did Andrew tell you about him?” I kind of read that as a tell on Betsy’s part that she kind of might find it hard to believe Neil knows, because she didn’t find out for a LONG time. Andrew laughed when he first told her, and oh did he love how the pity filled her face. He left the session early when she started asking more, and she probably cried when he was gone because it hurt her so much, the love she felt for Andrew and the way he talked about the crimes like they were silly anecdotes. So honestly, I think if anyone knows about Proust other than Neil during the books, it’s Bee.

She knows the way Andrew reacted when she asked about Drake, or any of the other foster fathers. She saw that violent, unmedicated reaction when she asked about Proust, how well-decorated he was in the mental health field. Obviously I don’t think she knows about EVERYTHING, because her confidentiality as a therapist would have to be broken if she knew how badly Andrew was treated, but slowly but surely she finds out little details. The day he dies, he calls Betsy to organise an emergency session. In Andrew fashion his reaction isn’t normal, isn’t grief, but in a throwaway Andrew comment (“Just another one dead to add to the list.”) she asks him again, he’s dead now, what did he do to you? It’s probably one of the closer times Andrew has got to crying in a session, and when Betsy had a free hour, she let him stay, curled up in the chair, vulnerable, but safe. Andrew was mad when Betsy showed up in Columbia after Drake because he knew how much this would hurt, for him and for her, and she already knew. He didn’t get to tell her this time. How long had she been letting herself think and her mind wander about what had happened on her drive to get him?

I don’t think Aaron ever finds out. Andrew has kept so much of his trauma sheltered from Aaron that I think he probably keeps this to himself, too. Maybe it slips out at one of their joint sessions, but Andrew doesn’t talk about his time at east haven specifically because he knows Proust will come up. I think finding out that, when Andrew was supposed to be getting better, he was being abused, oh man, that would kill him. Him and Andrew get closer post-TKM, but not that close. Aaron killed his Brothers rapist, and for a while when Andrew was committed he almost called Pig Higgins to find out if anyone else hurt Andrew so he could kill them, too. I think if Andrew told Aaron it would change something in their relationship that they might not be able to fix at the stage their relationship was at post-TKM and for a while into the future.

Oh KEVIN, little knowing Kevin, skeptical Kevin, the Kevin who couldn’t keep that dark part of his mind quiet, the part that told him Riko was behind Drake. Kevin knew what he was capable of to an extent I don’t think anybody else, even anyone on the Ravens, knew. He told Andrew at his “audition” for the Ravens he could take him off his meds, that he could do anything he needed. Kevin knew Riko had friends in powerful and important places far more than Neil knew. To Neil, before Proust, it was cops, judges, doctors, people with importance and power. Kevin knew it was the receptionists who would sign the right paperwork at the right time, to make sure everything would fall into the right hands. He knew it was the janitors, who would turn a blind eye to whatever mess they found, or the security who would kindly delete whatever security footage you asked, no questions or qualms. Kevin knew it wasn’t just the doctors; it was the people prescribing medication, it was the student assistants, it was the people who shut the doors behind them. So when Betsy said Easthaven, and Neil said Riko bought the prosecution on Drake’s trial, and then Neil said do you know what he’ll do to Andrew if I don’t go? Kevin knew without being told. That sentiment was enough. Riko’s sick, sadomasochistic nature, and the lengths he’d seen him go to before? If Riko said go, Proust would do whatever he wanted. Kevin knew from the second Neil punched Riko in the face at the Christmas Banquet what was going to happen to Andrew. It took a month after Andrew’s return, a month of sheepish looks and barely being able to look him in the eye, before Andrew snapped and asked him what the hell was wrong with him, surely he’d been around as many victims in the nest that this wasn’t new to him? Kevin only had to say “Riko.” And then a stuttered, “Your Doctor in Easthaven-” before Andrew reached beneath his bands and threatened him with a knife and then Kevin had his answer. He never found out details, and he never asked again.

Also, Andrew spilled a secret or two about a corrupt doctor to Renee at their sparring sessions, but she never asked, and he never told. Renee had never seen Andrew properly sober before, but she could still read him well enough to know something terrible had happened. She told him she was there for him but all that got her was a trip to the ground and a smile-without-a-smile from Andrew, a finger over his lips to tell her to be quiet, but a nod in understanding. Renee knew enough about Andrew’s past to know something bad went on in Easthaven, but to her, that was all she needed to know.

[eponinemylove]

Headcanons about the Andrew( and the foxes) figuring out some of the fucked up things Neil’s mom did. Like I’ve always had a head canon that she is the reason he says he’s fine all the time

for sure! I have a lot of feelings about Mary Hartford. I want to say that if the conversation does ever manage to come up, Neil would immediately jump to his mother’s defense. We see everything she did through his memories of her, and while we can recognize it as abuse, Neil still thinks of her fondly. She was the only family he really had, and in his eyes, everything she did was out of necessity, if not love (CW: abuse)

(side note, I’ve briefly talked about aaron’s reaction before as part of a different post, and I stand by that. I’ve also brushed upon the subject of Mary and Neil being “fine” when I did a sort of sickfic hc!)

let me just start by saying how awful this news would be for the foxes. Like, it’s awful in general because what she did was fucked up, but their poor hearts… They managed the Nest. They managed Baltimore. They managed Drake (although that was Andrew’s past not Neil’s, they were still there for the murder and everything that followed). They have been through heartbreak after heartbreak for this kid who not only went through these things but thought, on some level, that he deserved them. So they really can’t take finding out that his mother—who Neil openly condones—is also one of his ghosts. They can’t take finding out that she’s partly the reason why he doesn’t swing, why he can’t trust, why he runs and hides and lies, why he doesn’t think he can have this. And if that wasn’t hard enough, to find out that Neil thinks this is okay, that this is fine—it’s too much to handle.

Andrew’s first reaction, predictably, is murder. This doesn’t quite work out for him, as Mary’s already dead, but the urge he feels to drain the life from her himself is frankly concerning. The second the words are leaving Neil’s mouth, the second all his suspicions are confirmed (because let’s be real, Andrew knew someone had hurt Neil, and his father had been too many steps behind him to cause that much damage), he sees red. Full on, knives out, burning rage. He’s shaking with it. You can tell he’s feeling an emotion, because he’s not grumbling about anything. He’s gone into quiet rage, the dangerous kind, in which he silently plots all the ways he can gruesomely arrange your departure from existence.

for a split second, the upperclassmen think that his anger is directed at Neil, and they subtly move in to block him from Andrew’s war path. This works out well for no one, because Andrew needs Neil in his line of sight right now to know he’s safe and here, and anyone who even thinks of touching this boy after what he’s just confessed to happening to him is getting stabbed. Repeatedly. It’s not their fault for assuming, though. They saw what happened with him and Aaron after this sort of thing, and they just want to shield Neil from that fallout. He’s been through enough

The only thing that manages to calm him down even somewhat is Neil himself. He holds Andrew’s gaze, doesn’t hide under it. He looks him straight in the eye. He is fine, now. He isn’t hurt. He’s with Andrew, and Andrew is going to keep him safe, and Mary is dead, and there’s nothing for them to fight anymore.

except there is, there is, because Neil is stupid. Neil is an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word fine, who has never been fine a day in his life. this was never okay. he’s worse than Aaron, because at least Aaron came to his senses eventually. but Neil, even after everything, is still standing there, defending her. it makes his blood boil. 140%. 170. 200.

Later, Andrew has to physically restrain himself from pulling him into a bruising kiss. He makes a tangible effort to be as gentle with Neil as he can, because he refuses to show him that love should be rough. It shouldn’t. He holds Neil’s hand and kisses his knuckles, runs his hands softly through his hair. He shows him all the way touches should feel when coming from someone you trust. Neil thinks it isn’t necessary but he accepts it with a stuttering heart anyway. His hands shake.

Aaron is seething, but for an entirely different reason. He’s furious, because how does Neil not realize that they’re the exact same? Neil gave him so much shit when he was upset over his mother, but now he has the audacity to stand here and spout this crap? The only thing holding him back from beating the shit out of Josten himself is Andrew’s presence, radiating wrath from beside him. If he took a step in the wrong direction, his brother might genuinely kill him this time. It doesn’t matter. Neil went on and on and on about how Andrew was protecting him, how his mother was not someone who loved him but someone who hurt him, and how he should be glad she’s gone. And… and then this? No. No. Neil doesn’t get to love his mother after that. Mary hit him. She beat him to a pulp herself, nevermind what she said she was protecting him from. He wasn’t allowed to have friends, to talk to people, to go outside. He wasn’t allowed to speak. He’d had to keep his head down. Yeah, it sounds familiar. It sounds like Aaron’s quiet footsteps around the house, hoping to god he wouldn’t wake up Tilda. It sounds like him trying not to make himself seen when she came home after a night of using, like ducking his head and not meeting the eyes of her or anyone she brought home. It sounds like her fists on him when she was in one of her moods. It sounds really fucking familiar, and if Neil thinks he’s going to drop this, he is dead wrong.

Neil did not leave well enough alone when it was Aaron. He would not stop rubbing salt on the wound. And it hurt, a lot, but now Aaron is going to do the same. Not just for petty vengeance. Not just because Neil is a dick and this is payback. But because it helped. Aaron and Andrew are not on the same page about the way they feel, but they are about what to do next. Priority one is make sure Neil moves on, make sure he recognizes why Mary was wrong, and why it will never happen again, as long as any of the foxes have a say in it. 

Matt and Nicky have the exact same reaction, which to immediately have their heart shattered. They’re in tears. Matt cares about Neil so, so much, and I know the fandom recognizes this, but I don’t know if people realize how deeply Nicky cares, too. It’s more than just cracking jokes; Neil is one of Nicky’s best friends. They’re going to make damn sure that Neil knows they will love him unconditionally, and that their love does not come heavy-handed. They will support him through this, even if they hate Mary for everything she had conditioned into him. Already they’re planning what they can do to get his mind off of this and get him smiling again as soon as possible. Nicky will probably push Neil harder than Matt, and it will probably be the wrong thing to do, but he’s trying so hard. He’s done this before, with Andrew and Aaron, and as heartbreaking as it was, he continues to do it because he loves them. And he loves Neil, too. Both Matt and Nicky already have adoption papers at the ready, and at this point they’re going to forge the signatures, consequences be damned, if it means Neil gets a happy life. 

Kevin doesn’t have much to say about it when he finds out. I imagine he handles it with all of his usual finesse and sensitivity, which is none. He probably, not too gently, points out that Mary had a job to keep him safe from harm, all harm, and failed spectacularly at it. It’s not exactly helpful, but he does have a point. And when he get Neil alone, he offers to talk to him about it. He may not have been through the same thing, but he’s been through something similar enough. He had no family at the Nest, but at the same time they were the only ones he had, and they weren’t exactly gentle with him at the best of times. Riko and the Master weren’t Mary, but... they weren’t all that different, either. Like everything else, Kevin is there if he needs him. 

Dan and Allison stare him down. They sympathize, they do, because this is awful, but they are not going to give him an inch. They don’t have time to coddle his feelings about his mother, and god help him if they hear an “I’m fine” fall from his lips. They’ll hold him, if he lets them, and they’ll be as soft and gentle as he needs, but they won’t give in to this. They aren’t going to pretend that he’s right–he’s not. HIs mother wasn’t what he remembers. She’s a complicated character. They’re not calling her evil; maybe she did what she had to, and maybe it was for the best. But it wasn’t right. They are steadfast in that. It wasn’t right. Neil can accept that when he’s ready, and when he does they will be there for him, taking care of him in their unassuming way so that he doesn’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells. He’s so grateful to have them. Grateful that they don’t push, but don’t give in either. Some of the strongest people he’s known…

Renee is the one who actually talks him through it. All the others are ready with their pitchforks, about to burn Mary at the stake, but she understands. She walks with him through everything, the good and the bad, and lets him come to his own conclusion. She listens to him when he feels like talking about what is was like, and talks about her own mother when he doesn’t. She shows him, subtly, what a parental figure is supposed to look like through her own stories. Lets him realize that sometimes the people who care don’t get it right, but that there are still others who love you, and that love doesn’t have to come with pain. 

Bonus:

(Ik you didn’t ask, and this is probably too long already, but) Wymack and Abby find out about this indirectly, likely through either Andrew or Matt. Wymack had known from the beginning this would have been the case, but he’d had no idea it had come from his mother. It hurts him, that no one had ever been careful with Neil the way he needed. He doesn’t realize that he had been, though. Wymack hadn’t raised his voice, hadn’t made himself big in front of Neil. He had been careful to keep his anger far, far away and had always been there when Neil needed him. Wymack is his true father. Or mother. Or whatever. 

Abby does what she does with Aaron: she gives him space. She knows that he’s probably never seen a woman in a comforting light before, and she waits to make sure that he’s okay with her presence before she gets anywhere near close to him. She lets him come to her, and, like Wymack, makes sure Neil knows that if she ever gets frustrated, that she would never take it out on him. They start the very slow process of showing Neil what it is like to be loved and cared for by someone who wants only to see you happy. Neil loves his family so, so much. He would choose them a thousand times over. 

[abraxos-is-toothless]

healing and feeling

My @aftgexchange gift for @bayta-darell !!! I’m so sorry that this is late, I went to post at the beginning of the posting week but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I’ve spent the week doing a rewrite. There was more of it (Kevin and Neil having a discussion) but I just wanted you to get something rather than nothing. I really hope you like it. A general foxes type fic where they do some healing.  Canon warnings apply- mentioned not detailed.

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Twenty minutes. Twenty whole minutes it took of the foxes remaining silent for Betsy Dobson to realise she’d have to make the first move if she wanted to make any progress at all here today.

“David first suggested this for you all once before and you refused, which I respected. I will not force anyone to talk until they are ready. But you’re all here today and I feel I should ask the nine of you, why now?”

Aaron watched as everyone not-so-subtly shifted their eyes to look at Josten who opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them from where he sat on the floor by Andrew’s chair. There was a space next to Boyd on the plush yellow couch but well...

“This is the second time this week Neil has almost stabbed one of us.” Ah, Reynolds. Always making sure she got straight to the point. Matt glared at her, muscled arms crossed over his chest.

“I said it was fine, I startled him-”

“It damn well isn’t fine, Matt! Were you not a boxer with some good reflexes, he could have done some serious damage.”

Aaron watched them argue back and forth until Betsy politely cleared her throat, her calm, soothing smile never once leaving her face.  He admired the woman, he truly did; he couldn’t imagine dealing with people’s shit all day and managing to still look sane and collected. His own mind was enough of an asshole as it was. “I’m glad that we’ve gotten to why you’re all here, but I’d like for us to remain civil in these sessions. Talking about such things can be straining and I want you to remember you’re a team, that you’re friends.” Matt nodded and threw Neil a small smile and Allison simply flicked her hand, bright red nails catching in the sunlight streaming through the window. Aaron caught Neil bringing a hand up to rub at the scarring on his face but then Andrew’s hand came down to hold the back of his neck, thumb rubbing back and forth carefully and the tension Neil was holding in his shoulders eased up. His twin met his stare without faltering and simply raised a pale brow at him, as if daring him to comment. Aaron kept his mouth shut and turned back to Betsy. “Now Neil, would you be able to tell us what might have brought on these outbursts of violence?”

“I’ve always been this way, thanks to my mother.” Aaron saw Andrew’s jaw clench at the mention of Mary Wesninski; he knew well enough how his brother felt about abusive mothers. “But this is different. We lost our most recent game. We’re falling behind a little and if we don’t win the next game, we don’t get to progress any further.” Aaron couldn’t stop his mouth from moving, even if he had tried to.

“You’re telling me that Boyd almost got stabbed because we lost a game? Are you serious right now? It’s not the end of the fucking world!”

“It is for me!” He stopped and said nothing more, turning his face away from them all, ignoring their looks of confusion. He knew Josten loved Exy as much as Kevin, but he didn’t think such a thing was enough to stab someone over. Kevin sighed, eyes closing before he put his head in his hands. Neil’s jaw clenched and he stood abruptly, walking towards the door, Andrew following just a few seconds after. Betsy, bless her heart, she tried to reason with two of the most stubborn beings on the planet.

“Neil, maybe you’re not quite ready to talk, but we’ve only just-”

“I apologise, Dr. Dobson, but I can’t talk with you in the room. Anything regarding that part of my life cannot be discussed outside of the people who already know. I do not wish to implicate you.” The woman wrote a few things down; the scratch of the pen was loud to Aaron’s ears.

“Very well, then. Let David know when you’re all ready to come back, and we’ll schedule something between classes and practice.” Neil and Andrew disappeared out of the door and Aaron and the rest were quick to follow, but not before Renee, ever the peacekeeper, gave the woman a gentle smile and told her they’d see her next week. As if she alone could wrangle them all into another session. He made his way over to the mas with Nicky and Kevin, where Neil and Andrew waited, sharing a cigarette between them, and the upperclassmen left ahead of them in Matt’s truck. No one spoke until they were all in the car and on the move, and of course, it was Kevin.

“This isn’t a good idea.” Nicky leaned across the seats and over Aaron to bat at Kevin with one hand, all the while texting Erik on his phone in the other.

“Shut up. You don’t think that anything is ever a good idea unless it’s one of your ideas.”

“Neil I really don’t-”

“Enough, Kevin. I’m telling them and that’s final. I should have told them all anyway.” Kevin sat back with a huff and Aaron rolled his eyes at the idiot’s dramatics, staring out the window for the rest of the unusually quiet drive back to fox tower, except for the clicking of Nicky’s phone and the quiet giggles he would let out at whatever he and his fiancé were talking about. When they got there, Andrew found the closest parking spot to the building that he could, because his brother preferred not to do any more exercise than being an Exy player forced him to. The others hadn’t waited for them, not that Aaron thought they would have, but he thought at least Allison would have been standing at the doors so Neil couldn’t slip away and get out of telling them anything. 

They hadn’t, however, stopped themselves from taking over Aaron’s old dorm room he shared with the rest of the ‘monsters’ before he moved to Matt’s. Dan and Matt were sitting together on the couch, the former tucked into the latter’s side, Allison was lounging in a beanbag while she inspected her nails and Renee was sitting on the floor in front of the small and worn table, sorting Nicky’s nail polishes into some sort of order. “Now that you’re here,” Allison said without even bothering to glance in their direction, “let’s get to this secret you’ve been keeping from us, shall we?” Aaron watched Andrew move over to the window to sit on the sill, lighting up another cigarette. He knew there was no need to worry about the smoke alarm because Andrew had taken it out from the first day they moved into the room. It was clear he wasn’t bothered by any of this, at least Aaron didn’t think he was, which means either he knew what Neil was going to tell them all, or he had guessed early on and hadn’t pushed for a definite answer just yet. 

Kevin sat down in the other bean bag, although with how tall he was, he seemed to dwarf the bag. The sight was odd, considering that caused him to slouch more than a chair or the couch would have, something he would moan at the rest of them for when they did it. Nicky sat himself next to Renee, gushing over how she’d organised all of his colours, nodding so enthusiastically that his messy brown curls bobbed with the movement. Aaron went to lean against the wall closest to Andrew, who didn’t acknowledge him other than glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. They were better than they were before, Aaron actually managed to have whole conversations with his brother now and he was no longer hostile towards Katelyn, letting her come along sometimes when they went to Sweeties and Eden’s. He knew it would take time to have some sort of a stable relationship with Andrew but they were trying, and that was okay for now. 

Neil stood in front of them all, hands in the PSU foxes hoodie he wore, barely any emotion on his face, as he always was. No wonder he and Andrew worked so well together, Aaron thought, internally rolling his eyes. He got straight to it. “After Nathan was killed, all his debts with the Moriyamas fell onto me. The money my mother took when she decided that we should run belonged to them. In Ichirou’s eyes, they still own Kevin and Jean too.”

“What does this have to do with you turning into a murderous little rage machine?” Matt rolled his eyes at Allison. 

“I made a deal with Ichirou.” Dan dropped her head into her hands while Nicky made a choked off sound. Aaron was tired of Josten making dumb decisions and not telling them. This is what happened when the fucking idiot ended up at Baltimore. “I wanted something and to get him to give in to that, I said he could have the majority of our earnings when we went pro.”

“Wait.” Neil turned his head towards Kevin, who was outwardly confused now. “You said he wanted a take of what we earned, that I knew. But you didn’t say it was in exchange for something, what did he give you?”

“I wanted Riko dealt with and he was.” Aaron’s eyes widened at that, as did the others in the room. Kevin went deathly pale and he stood slowly, looking at Neil as if he didn’t even know him. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he gave up and disappeared to his room without a word. Aaron had a feeling there was a bottle of vodka waiting for him to drown his sorrows in. Allison looked mildly impressed. 

“We all knew the suicide story was suspicious, but I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I wanted him to pay for what he did. I walked out of that room and I laughed. But that’s why the nightmares have kicked in and I’ve picked up old habits, like sleeping with a weapon under my pillow. If Ichirou notices any slack, he will kill me.” Aaron looked to Andrew again, and his brother was staring back at Neil, as if waiting for him to fall apart. Dan stood, determination on her face and a fire in her eyes. 

“Then we help you stay on top of the game. We’ll fit in an extra practice a week and on the free period you share with Matt, he can discuss drills with you.” Aaron saw Matt smile and nod, receiving a dip of Neil’s head in return. “We’ll tell Coach that we’ll have an evening a week at the court, watching old games and seeing what we can take from them. No one gets to ruin this for you, they don’t get to take anything else.”

Nicky whooped and got up to hug Neil quickly, after he got the consent for one. Aaron wasn’t too happy about all this extra work for a sport he wasn’t even that bothered by, but he supposed he owed Neil this. After all, he was the one, no matter how stupidly he went about it, that finally managed their rag tag group work as a team and to become friends. He brought them together, and so Aaron would do this

So that they could stay together. 

~~~~~

They did get better over the weeks, and they won their next game, letting them progress further into this season. 

The session with Betsy continued, though progress on that front was slow going to begin with. Neil’s confession had broken the ice, and each of them would discuss assignments they were struggling with or the odd everyday problems life gave you. Betsy never pushed them, allowing them to get used to talking first before she tried diving for issues hidden deeper down. 

After a few weeks, Allison discussed her parents when she had gotten a phone call from her mother out of the blue. Apparently, they had started to notice how the foxes were on the up and up, and how much more media attention they were getting. Allison’s mother wanted to use her daughter for her own gain, to get their businesses promoted through the foxes and for Allison to start building their incomes through Exy. Aaron didn’t understand a lot of it, other than that his teammate’s parents were some of the most self centred assholes on the planet. After all this time, they hadn’t gotten in contact with Allison to see how she was or to ask about working on their own family issues, but just to see how they could make life better for them. The blonde had said in the one session that she finally told them where they could stick it, and if they wanted to cut her off from the money they could. If they didn’t want to love her as parents should, then she wanted nothing to do with them. 

When Allison ended her rant with the words ‘fuck them’, the foxes repeated them- even Andrew, to everyone’s surprise -loud and clear. Betsy tried to be reprimanding, but Aaron could see she was proud and trying valiantly to not smile with them. 

~~~~~

Some months or so after that, Aaron was attending one of his sessions where it was just him and Andrew. It was coming up to a year now since they’d first started these double sessions with Betsy, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he liked coming to them. Yes, sometimes it was bad and they’d end then arguing heatedly, or sometimes, it would leave them exhausted but content that they were managing to get on to the same page with each other. And other times, well, those times managed to bring their walls crashing down. 

Today was one of those times. 

“Aaron, you don't look as if you’re well. Is everything alright? If you’re unable to sit through this one, you may go back and rest if you like.” He knew he must look like shit, after the night he’d had with his mind torturing him, but he felt as if this is why he’d been so plagued by nightmares the last few nights. Like Andrew had to know about them. 

“Nightmares.” His throat felt raw and scratchy, but he supposed that was normal when you wake yourself up by screaming yourself hoarse. 

“Are you able to tell us what they were or about?” He nodded, turning on the couch so he was angled to the left, making it easier for him to look directly at Andrew. His brother seemed unfazed as he usually did, but Aaron thought there was something different about him today, though he didn’t quite know exactly what was different. Maybe he felt like today was going to be better for them, too. 

“I thought I was already awake, because I was walking around the house in Columbia. It was too quiet, and the house was dark, and it was almost as if I could feel the shadows closing in around my shoulders.” He breathing became ragged and clenched a fist where his hand rested on his thigh. “I thought I heard glass smash and the sound of a thud, like something had hit the hardwood floor. It was muffled, coming from upstairs so I followed the sounds.” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard; it was like he was back in the nightmare and he couldn’t get out. 

“Aaron? Aaron, you can stop if you want to.” He shook his head, feeling part of his hair fall onto his forehead. 

“The noise was louder up there, coming from your room.” He opened his eyes again, catching his brother’s gaze, hazel eyes that matched his own. And they knew, they knew where Aaron’s nightmare was leading them, yet he didn’t flinch away. “I opened the door and it was back to that day, and Drake…” Andrew did not outwardly show any reaction to the name of his abuser, though Aaron saw his fingers stray to the edge of his armband. As if it soothed him to know he had a way to keep himself safe. “When I tried to get in there, it was like there was an invisible barrier in front of me. No matter how hard I kept hitting it, it never went away. I kept screaming at you, to look at me, so you’d know I was right there but there was nothing.” His cheeks felt wet and brought a hand up to find that those were tears running down his cheeks. 

Andrew’s eyes had widened, and the hand that was holding his armband started to drift towards Aaron, but stopped just shy of making contact. He took a few deep breaths before he felt like he could go on. “I closed my eyes after a while but I didn’t stop trying to get to you. Then all of a sudden I could hear laughing, and when I opened my eyes, I was back in that shitty apartment, before you came and Tilda had locked me in the closet. She had her Junkie friends over doing all sorts of shit, music on as high as possible.” He felt like he could breathe, as though someone kept on piling invisible weights on his chest, one after the other. “I had one toy, a couple of granola bars and a bottle of Gatorade, of all things. No matter how loud I shouted for her, she never came to let me out. I woke up screaming after that, scared Katelyn half to death.”  He’d kept his gaze on the floor when talking about his mother, knowing she was a touchy subject between them. 

There was a quick tap to his knee and, a bit reluctantly, he lifted his head to look at Andrew again. His brother was breathing a little heavier, and Aaron could see the way his chest moved. There was more emotion on his face than he’d ever seen. When he was on the meds it was different, it was just a constant sort of forced excitement. This was real and this was Andrew. His twin. “I’m going to hug you, yes or no?” Aaron almost choked on air at the words. Words he’d never expected to leave Andrew’s mouth. He saw Betsy falter just a little out of the corner of his eye, her own stalling from where she was writing things down. 

“Yes.” Then slowly, carefully, Andrew shifted forward so he could pull Aaron into him. His arms went around Aaron’s back, and he hesitated just a little before doing the same. Their cheeks rested against each other and when Andrew spoke next, Aaron could feel the words against his ear. 

“We’re okay, you hear me? Both of us. We’re a little bit broken, but we’re doing okay.” Aaron nodded, taking a stuttered breath. And if the two of them, the same yet not the same, held onto each other for just a little longer then that was just fine. 

They were just okay.

---------

Again, I’m sorry about the lateness! Hope you liked it:)) I’m also sorry it’s not as long as it was, but trying to remember everything to rewrite was so difficult.

[wesninski-hatford]

Andrew Minyard, on his good days has confidence that blows even Allison Reynolds’ confidence. He’s five feet even and wears some edgy, black shit (Doc Martins, black ripped jeans, a t-shirt he fucking knows makes his arms drool-worthy, a cigarette perpetually between his fingers, a silver necklace with nothing on it, and his armbands). He has an aura that rivals the gods and a stone-faced approach to everything. He’s unruffled, if not completely bored with you. He doesn’t exactly love himself, but he knows that his worth. He doesn’t give a shit about you and your mediocrity and therefore, inferiority, let him go back to staring across the room at a wall while smoking and crossing his arms while leaning against a wall. He knows he’s hot shit. He knows that yes, he’s Court-worthy, possibly the best goalie in the nation at twenty-years-old, but why would he waste his time and energy on stickball, Kevin? He knows that he’s attractive, Neil won’t fucking shut up with that look he gets when he’s staring at him, those blue eyes blown open, open as his expression that screams of affection and attraction. He’s been beaten down over and over, he’s been through the horrors that night brings and he won’t go through it again. He didn’t deserve to in the first place. He knows he’s strong. He protected Kevin Day from the fucking yakuza, defended Nicky from homophobes, defended Aaron from his own demons, kept Neil “Murder Magnet” Josten alive. He knows that he’s better than you.

Neil Josten on the other hand, is, well... in short, a mess. This man in one way or another, believed he deserved every single trauma he endured. He says to Andrew that he “wasn’t still enough”, that phrasing implies that it was his fault that his father hurt him. Everything his father did to him was his fault because he did something and not because his father was an abusive shit. Same with his mother, he thought he deserved all of it because he was going to get them killed instead of Mary being abusive. He thought he didn’t deserve good things, see the “deer in headlights look” he gets whenever the Foxes do something for him. He lets Andrew decide if she should stay because he wants something but doesn’t think he should have it and doesn’t know that he’s loved and deserves to be loved. His self-esteem is in the gutter, he gets very easily disappointed in himself and is in constant fear of disappointing others. This man is a mess. He hated how he looks because all he can see in the mirror is his father and hates his scars because they make him recognisable and are constant reminders of what he’s been through.

Andrew knows all this. The Foxes, to an extent know some of it. And because of them, and Bee (please get help, Josten, you literally have a therapist right there), he becomes confident, he starts to learn to respect himself. He learns that Mary was a bad person. He learns that he didn’t deserve the abuse because he was his father’s “greatest disappointment”. He learns that people love him. He learns that he deserves things. He stops saying “thank you” like that bit of kindness was the only good thing he had ever experienced. Let Neil Josten heal, please.

[kanraandchrome]

Raphaël’s route (rambling)

Raphaël’s route was bad in meta, because his answers are not as easy to find as the others, but now we’re at a special moment when even with no illu, we still get the neutral ending. Perfect e__e. I personally didn’t enjoy it until chapter 5 ish and then on 6 and 7 because finally he cuts Eloise some slacks, but it’s personal, he is not terrible objectively, and I can understand why people would love him because he has his cute moments and cute quirks that I enjoyed (he has the face of an angel when he smiles ;w; ♥)

tl;dr :  Just like Ivan’s and Aaron’s endings, Raphaël’s were a disappointment. Let’s hope rewriting Ethan gave him a satisfying end to end Moonlight Lovers.

Now here goes the subjective part, if you like Raphaël don’t read below.

After the crappy Ivan’s route we had too many hopes in the new writer maybe, but as a friend summarised it “Hey remember C. who was always hurting us and our feelings but since he was sensible TM we couldn’t say anything to him otherwise we’d be punished even though we were the victims ?” and well yes, that’s exactly how it felt.

What’s terrible though, is that with all of them we were used to be strong, develop cool powers, have a few dates with the guys, the guys actually reached for us, searched for us, we had a strong friendship with almost all of the other LIs when they were secondary characters. Here ? Here on this route we’re secluded. We can’t see the others because Raphaël drives them away (hi Ethan scenes) until he fucks us and leaves. Suddenly, when we’re not under his influence, the others become bearable and nice, help her go out, train, have a normal life. 

Even when we were with him there were really disrturbing sentences. The “like a puppet without her string” was bad enough during chapter 4 when she wants to dance alone, the line when she hates her body looking like Mag is creepy af, one of the sequence is called “Inferior” while she berates herself, but the lines when she’s in the Moondance with Alessio are the worst. She’s suddenly becoming what she used to be ? And we’re supposed to root for the LI that makes her feel like an abused wife learning to be herself again ? And once he arrives to pick her up following her like a creepy stalker she instantly swoons back and forgets everything he did to her ? And then to get his good end you have to not adress the matter ? Great communication skills. 

I’m glad we got a sensible man who allows himself to freely love and cry, I liked the cheeky side of him sometimes, and I liked how his past was touched upon in chapter 2 or 3 when he says her shadow is coming to see him on a special day, it was well done and I could understand why he needed some space. It was cute, it was nice, every art interaction was sweet and upbeat and felt real especially when we describe the painting. 

But you know what was even worse than having to deal with a delusioned depressed widowed drama king ? Having to run after him EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME. Going to see him in his room, in the library, searching for him in the parlor or the living room, having to wait for him, searching for him EVERYWHERE, not having the liberty to not go to see him (there were far less other guys sequences than the other routes, always follow Raphaël’s orders and always think of him, you Calice he never called by your name but only “my lovely slave”.)

Even in the good ending. 

EVEN IN THE GOOD ENDING WE’RE THE ONES SEARCHING FOR HIM ?! And if you do good and go to the garden first try, you interrupt Alessio and him before they said anything and you magically resolve everything. If you take your time or don’t manipulate Ethan (NO IT’S NOT CUTE.) you find them yelling at each other and ready to fight, but noooo magical interruption. And Ethan is nowhere to be found and the front door is opened, and he doesn’t hear neither the fight nor the conversation. You know why ? 

No not because good end everything is solved they’ll live happily ever after. 

Because they probably cut Neil from the ending. 

And therefore, since we know he still exists and lurks, nothing is fine even in the good one. Alessio leaves without killing neither of us ? Great. But what about Aaron who disappeared ? What about Béliath, Vladimir and Ivan outside ? What about Ethan going MIA while he was so adamant to protect her, going as far as to search for his gun to defend the manor ? Neil is still out there, and the happy Deus Ex Machina ending happening in 20 minutes flat won’t save us from what we know will come. And I’m kinda hoping for him to kill everyone at this point.

[perfecteggpartyland]

I just got here, read through all this. I have seen multiple responses saying exactly my thoughts perfectly. They’ve answered your questions, and you are talking around them and bringing up subjects they’ve already addressed. I’m sure a lot of the people that are not explaining themselves have read them and agree with them. Why would they see the need to reexplain what’s already been said? So your argument about there only being two people explaining doesn’t make much sense to me.

I do agree with you that some fics can take Kevin’s fear and responses to trauma too far. It doesn’t bother me much, I don’t mind traits being exaggerated, I think it can be fun in the right context. I completely understand if Kevin’s exaggerated “cowardice” can make you uncomfortable. You’re valid to feel that way. It doesn’t mean everyone else does tho, it’s objective.

Kevin is called a coward because compared to the other main characters, he decidedly is. It would be a normal reaction for normal people, sure, but this book is not normal.

Neil has been running for 8 years of his life, and decides even though he’s terrified, to stop. Even though he knows it’s a death sentence. He knows he’s going to die, and so he starts defending and protecting people. It’s not that he doesn’t realize how much danger he’s in, it’s that he doesn’t think it will effect anyone but him at first. And when he does, he actively puts himself in harms way to make sure no one else gets hurt (more).

Andrew has gone head first into every supposed threat to “his people”.

Aaron reacted to seeing his brother getting hurt almost instantly, faster than even Neil, and killed a man. He faces off with everyone with a lack of self-preservation rivalled only by Andrew, Neil, and Nicky(tho his is a little more out of naïveté in a way).

Jean is a “coward” in that he stopped trying to save/help himself. But he always did what he could to help Neil, even when it could get him in trouble.

Nicky came back to America to raise two violent(Andrew), angry, and drug addicted(Aaron) teenagers. One he barely knew and the other he didn’t at all. Leaving the safety of his fiance and the distance between him and his parents. Now this one I acknowledge seems smaller than the others, but he still put himself in emotional distress for years to make sure these boys weren’t going to his parents.

Kevin was in a position that he still had some power. I know it wasn’t a lot. I know he was mentally abused by the people that were supposed to love him. But out of everyone, he was the closest to Riko. I don’t think he could have, or should have been responsible, for completely stopping Riko. But he could have done more to help Jean in the ways Jean helped Neil. I’m not saying stop the abuse, I realize he doesn’t have that much power, but be there more to support him.

The difference between Kevin and the others I listed, is that they all went through abuse of there own. But when someone else came into the picture they could help in anyway, they did their best to help them. Kevin did a little, but he was scared so he didn’t do all that he could with his “privilege”. And when he got horribly hurt for the first time, he ran and left Jean.

I am NOT saying people in abusive situations are cowards. I am not saying I think Kevin is a coward for putting himself first. You do what you have to do. Kevin’s reaction to his trauma is NORMAL. (Your reaction to trauma is normal too, anyone who’s reading this <3)

In the context of the f***ed up story that is AFTG, and the other characters I mentioned: Comparatively, Kevin is a Coward.

To touch on the one point I see you keep bringing up. Neil “broke” after being in the nest for 2 weeks because he was being constantly tortured and then physically pushed to his limit for 2 weeks straight, to the point that he doesn’t remember some of the things done to him (tattoo, hair dying.) Kevin was abused and forced to watch torture, yes, which is completely horrible, but he was steeped in it from a young age. He was groomed into it. Comparing their scenarios makes NO sense.

Most “Kevin is a coward” people, do not hate Kevin. (Not speaking for the entire fandom obviously). Kevin is objectively more cowardly than the others in OUR OPINION. This is objective. People are going to see this differently. I’m sure some might agree with the basic point but disagree on some of the finer details. Which is fine, because it’s an opinion.

You’re not going to change our minds by calling us morally wrong, and vice versa.

I know this will probably be cherry picked. But this is a nuanced situation. Neither of us a right or wrong. (⚫️⚪️ ? 🚫 -> ☑️)

If you read this entire thing than thank you.

And I know it can get rough on the internet so please remember I’m just a stranger on the internet with opinions. I’m not attacking you, i don’t think you’re wrong, I just think this is getting a little ridiculous.

(I didn’t read over this so I’m sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes)

Thanks <3

- LHM

Got it; I was curious and never forced someone to change their minds; people responded with their points ; some points I agreed and said so; I said my own points as in why I think the way I do; politely ;I didn't intend to change anyones minds and I don't call people morally wrong who think about Kevin's character and think he's a coward; I think if Kevin being called a coward simply because he was abused is wrong;like that's the sole reason some of them responded that I didnt answer and calling someone a coward simply for being abused doesn't sit right with me; especially since a lot of people including me can relate to the foxes; Neil;Kevin; etc. I appreciate you being polite and didn't really mean to come off as some sort of morally crusader cause I hate that; I made a post about Kevin as a an abused being called a coward for specific people who just wanted to piss of someone. I'm okay with people disagreeing; like I said I enjoyed a discussion with people who responded and both of us said our perspectives and points; cherry picking but no one wanted to talk even before I stated my points; but it's fine; I simply was curious as in why; and if people don't want to discuss it and are tired is completely fine as in they can ignore me if they want too. Never wanted to shove some stuff in people's minds so things got heated I guess; most people who I talked with over the years do HATE Kevin and I was just wondering why; it's fine if he's not everyones fav character at all; thanks for talking about this tho; appreciated a lot. Didn't really intended to come off that way

[yourcasualfangirl]

Aaron and Kaytlyn Minyard-

This is gonna be a long one strap in.

Tw// self harm, suicide, drug abuse, war

Rosie Minyard:

- Rosie Minyard was born in Hawaii to a different name and a different family.

- When she was 5 her parents were murdered. It’s as simple as that. And she was taken.

- there’s a lot of speculation about what actually happened and god if she knows

- but where she goes after that is what’s mattered.

- she’s sold to the biggest human trafficking ring in North America.

- for years she gets bought and sold and it’s all she ever knows.

- it gets busted when she’s 12 and she gets out.

- she’s rushed to a hospital in New York but she refuses to be treated, nobody can get close enough before she starts screaming and fighting

- she’s so traumatized she can’t speak, even if she could she doesn’t speak much English.

- she’s malnourished and beaten and has so many scars you couldn’t even begin to count, the most noticeable one from her right eyebrow to somewhere below her collar

- enter Aaron Minyard

- he recognizes that look in her eye, he saw it when he first met Jean and a car alarm went off, when he first saw kevin after leaving the nest, when Andrew had a bad day, when he saw Neil for the first time after Baltimore

- so he asks if he can look after her, eventually the doctors give in, there’s nothing they can do anyway

- so he sits with her, he doesn’t speak and neither does she. For days, neither of them talk, he comes in when his shift starts and leaves when it’s over

- then he does start talking, he talks to her about anything and everything, he takes to calling her ‘Rosie’ after some of the flowers that were dropped off

- one day he comes in and she’s sitting where he normally does, he asks if he can sit with her and she nods, he asks if he can give her a quick check up, make sure she’s okay, and she nods

- she doesn’t let anyone else touch her, doesn’t let anyone else near her

- and then they find out her name, the first time someone says it to her she starts screaming again, she try’s to run

- Aaron’s the only one who can calm her down, he calls her Rosie until she falls asleep

- that night she tries to kill herself

- Aaron’s the one who stops her, coming in to bring her food, kaytlyns with him

- right then and there’s kaytlyn knows nobody else is going to take her home. She knows it’s gotta be them, so she asks Aaron that night, if they can foster her

- Aaron just looks at her for a moment before he starts crying. He says yes of course and she’s theirs within the month

- the next year is hard, it’s so goddamn hard but they never give up on her

- they help her through her nightmares and therapy, they hold her when she doesn’t remember where she is and thought someone hurt them

- she starts talking about six months in, slowly but surely. She doesn’t speak a lot, it’s just something that’s really hard for her so they learn sign.

- but Rosie does get better, nightmares become less frequent, and god do the foxes love her

- her and Andrew get along easily and quickly, with long silences and hesitant signing (Andrew learned when Aaron did)

- sometimes Andrew and Jean feel like the only ones who could ever understand

- the first time she calls Aaron ‘da’ is when she’s hysterically crying. She woke up not knowing where she was, kaytlyn was working the night and Aaron was asleep. She ran to the living room, though she knew where she was it wasn’t registering. Aaron went downstairs to see what all the fuss was and she was in the backyard.

- she collapsed and cried and begged him to never leave her, when she called him ‘da’ he cried too

- it hurt to see her in so much pain

- when she was 16 she attempted suicide again, the memories being too much

- she had to get institutionalised for a little while and Aaron and Kaytlyn were there every step of the way

- she got better. Really better. It took a while and it was hard but she did. The foxes helped and though she was never able to fully talk about what happened to her, she was never able to have sex without the panic coming back, she was okay again.

Aristotle Minyard:

- the second Aaron saw him he knew what had happened to this boy

- kaytlyn had been the one to propose another kid, Rosie was 13 now and when they asked her about it she had been so excited

- so they went to their local orphanage (idk how it works don’t come at me)

- Aristotle Minyard was born to a different name and different family

- he grew up in a trailer park in southern New Mexico, he barely spoke English

- he had track marks all down his arms and was too skinny for it to be genetics

- he couldn’t look people in the eye and couldn’t stand still

- when Aaron had tried to talk to him he almost started crying.

- they asked what had happened to him and it went like this:

- born and raised in New Mexico, abusive druggie parents who used whatever they had as a substitute for the ADHD meds that Ari needed. Nobody knew the full extent of what had happened

- Kate knew then and there that that boy was going to be theirs.

- the thing was, he came as a packaged deal

- when they asked him if he’d be okay staying for a while he refused, he refused to go anywhere without ‘Lil’

- nobody knew who that was

- eventually he lead them to the detention room where the kids who start fight go, he pointed to the only girl in the room

- a small middle eastern girl who looked as if she wanted to rip the heads off everyone there

- apparently she had been protecting him since the second he got there

- so Aaron and Kate made the decision and took them both home

- it took a while for Ari to come out of his cage but they soon realized everytime they called him by his birth name it got worse, he was back to being the helpless little boy who let him mum poke needles in his arms

- so they asked him what he wanted to be called, and he remembered a man his grandmother used to talk about ‘Aristotle’ now he didn’t really know who that was but the name was cool so he stuck with it

- and he was Aristotle Minyard, he stopped repressing his ADHD because he soon learned in this house it doesn’t mean pain, it doesn’t mean no food

- it took a while and some therapy but eventually he was himself again, the himself he never got to be before Aaron and Kaytlyn

- he never called his parents mum and dad, he never really called them anything so moving those titles to Aaron and Kaytlyn felt like reclaiming who he was and who he wanted to be

- because those names menat love and for the first time ever he felt it

- of course Ari had his bad days, days when the cravings were so bad he felt like he was dying but Aaron was always there

- he helped him through all of it

- the first time Ari touched Aaron’s own track marks and then his Aaron didn’t know what to do, but when Ari quietly whispered ‘we match’ and Aaron hugged him until they both felt okay again. Aaron cried to Kate all night

- he relapsed when he was 17. It was bad. It was really really bad. Ever seen beautiful boy?? Yeah it went like that. His birth parents were trying for custody. He had to go to court and everything and it was so damn hard even Aaron felt the urge

- but after that, when he got out of rehab and saw his parents and fox family again he knew he had a reason to keep fighting, though the drugs didn’t want him to see it

- Jack day and Aristotle Minyard were the best of best friends that ever were. Everyone was convinced they were dating (despite ari being straight), they went everywhere together, they loved each other so damn much and jack helped Ari out of the darkest of times

- he and Nicky speak Spanish together and gossip and talk shit constantly, he and Nicky are like best friends and everyone’s so confused

Lilith Minyard:

- Lilith Minyard was born in a war. She was born in fighting and battle but never thought she would see the middle of it

- and then she did.

- her village was bombed when she was six, the children were rounded up and taken

- she was forced to be a soldier

- she watched children die, she watched families die, she even killed

- it was that or death. She watched her brother refuse, she then watched them cut off his legs and leave him to die. She had to survive.

- when she was 13 she immigrated to America (that thing where you come to the country because if you go back to yours you’ll die)

- she was put into foster care where she met Ari, a small boy on the other end of people’s cruel ness, she watched him allow people to keep bullying him so she stuck with him, she stuck with him and protected him

- she didn’t really have morals anymore, she didn’t know right from wrong, she didn’t know if she cared to learn anymore

- she was much like Andrew in that sense. She couldn’t care less what happened to her, she had no regard for her own life but once she found someone worth protecting it was all that mattered

- when Ari got adopted she went with him

- she didn’t trust Aaron or Kate, any amount of kindness could be a set up, could be a trick

- she might be young but she had seen things they could only imagine

- they made her start therapy, she didn’t talk. She could deal with the nightmares. She could deal with the PTSD. She could do it all herself and didn’t need anyone.

- she slowly started protecting Rosie too.

- she would be lying if she said she wasn’t growing fond of some of the foxes (neil and Renee)

- she had a smart mouth of her own too, her and Neil would get going at it and it would be quite the show

- she never let her guard down though

- Aaron and Kate did what they could but she just wouldnt let them in

- until one night, Ari and Rosie were at Jacks, she had stayed home

- the nightmares were bad, really really bad

- she woke up in a cold sweat and didn’t know where she was

- she walked down stairs so quietly you wouldn’t even know she was awake

- Aaron and Kate were in the kitchen

- she was still at war, she felt it in her bones

- she grabbed katelyn from behind and held her in a headlock, seconds away from snapping her neck

- it took a while to talk her down, to show her she was safe, that her mind was playing tricks on her

- she was yelling in Arabic which nobody knew, and then she was crying too

- they didn’t sleep that night, and the next day Lilith actually talked in therapy

- and the next time someone asked ‘which Minyard? The psycho or the murderer’ she punched them in the face because that was her family

- she was the only one who could take Andrew and Renee in a fight and beat them both

- she was so angry, violence a first nature for her, it took her a while to make it come second, it took her even longer to be able to come to terms the fact that she did need help

- she came out when she was 16, she did so by responding to kaytlyns ‘any cute boys at school?’ question over dinner with ‘ew no but plenty of girls’

- she ended up dating dan and Matt’s daughter

- she chose her name when she first came to America after she heard the story of Adam and Eve, she decided she wanted to be like Lilith

- she’s form Iran btw

All of them:

- they all play exy: Rosie is goalkeeper, Ari dealer and Lilith striker

- they asked Aaron and Kate to properly adopt them when they were 15, they threw a little party

- they help each other, a lot

- so much trauma in one house oml

- also so many languages, German and English with aaron, Arabic and English with Lilith, hawaiian and English for Rosie and Spanish and English with Ari

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Raven King Incoherent Whatever

Yes it's me again I decided to go for a 1 list/1 book solution. Also this is the one that HURT. Again looooooooots of spoilers v.v

I'll state, here at the beginning, that Coach knew, just by looking at where Neil was sitting at the beginning of this one, HE KNEW.

Neil I-have-an-attitude-problem-no-i-won't-talk-to-a-therapist Josten

His relationship with his mother killed me, because yes she ran to save them, but she abused him for years, he had to bury her etc, now alcohol and cigarette smoke are all he has left, complicated doesn't even start to describe all that is wrong here

The look Neil has everytime someone does something nice for him at this point of the story

"Why did you pay for stall, Coach?" "Maybe I knew you'd need them one day."

Yeah Coach I didn't need my heart

Andrew going on the court sober

The whole Neil's sexuality thing? Like he said he doesn't swing, stop aking and betting (as if they would)

Andrew buying him clothes (and a phone)

Flash news: Neil doesn't deal well with phones

"I'm remembering why I don't like you." "I'm surprised you forgot in the first place."

The dinners with the other teams were always a delight

"What the hell is this?""His antagonism is a personality flaw we're learning to live with."

It just did things to me that Neil scared-life-on-the-run Josten refused EVERY TIME to let others call him property or treat him like a purchase

"Do as I say, not as I do, rookie" #QUEEN

Nathaniel, it has been so long

F*** you, Riko, sincerely everyone

"When I first said you would be Court, why were you upset with me?" "Because I knew it'd never happen, but I wanted it anyway."

"That's Andrew for you: making sense since never."

Guess what guys??

Thing#37483762 that I love about Neil: he doesn't really judge, and that's why most of the times he knows what's going on and he understands

"You can love Exy all you want, but it's never gonna love you back."

"Why don't you like girls?" Nicky looked startled by the interruption, but he rallied quickly and made a face. "They're so soft." Neil thought about Renee's bruised knuckles, Dan's fierce spirit, and Allison holding her ground on the court a week after Seth's death. He thought about his mother standing unflinching in the face of his father's violent anger and her ruthlessly leaving bodies in their wake. He felt compelled to say, "Some of the strongest people I've known are women." "What? Oh, no," Nicky hurried to say. "I mean literally soft. Too many curves, see?"

They are so precious

Also Neil various "I asked"

"Then why can I know?""Perhaps he knows you won't use it against him"

"I wouldn't crush your birthday party if it wasn't important"

"He said it was a misunderstanding."

See here I died, because like Neil I was putting everything together, and it was killing me because everyone treated Andrew like the strong one, the protector, so who protects/protected Andrew? T.T

"Why are you so special?" again Matt always asked the right questions

But since Neil doesn't know that love exists, he had the right to be dumb about this

Let's not talk about Thanksgiving

Better, I'll just say: f*** you Riko, he was laughing, Neil put the pieces together and went straight to murder and Aaron committed

Also Nicky's parents DON'T deserve him, just nope

"It wouldn't bother you that it was used as a murder weapon?""It didn't kill anyone important."

Neil being soft AND brutal, making it believable, HOW

Neil rethinking about his words about suicide, and also thinking he was being so expensive and driving Andrew's car

"Do it."

"You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I'll trust you with his life?"

Ah I was wondering when someone other than Abby would get to "see" the scars

That was intense

"Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil. You're a real friend.""Are we?" I don't know how I survived this boy, seriously

"I'm not a dog, I'm a Fox."

To get an idea of how Neil is with people he cares about: Riko threatened hell for Andrew, bc he had one of the doctors on his payroll, but he said that he might reconsider, might, if Neil let himself be tortured for two whole weeks that were actually three

And he just went

The flight back where Neil was so broken he just had the strength to call Coach and how he basically held him together, and Neil wasn't okay until he remembered he hadn't given in, hadn't signed the contract, he was still a Fox

The Ravens are a freackish cult

And now we have a Neil with his old looks back, a broken body, more targets on his back, and explanation to give

"What does Andrew have to do with this?""Everything that matters"

It warmed my heart how Neil went from flinching at Coach and being ready to run, to letting himself be turtured so Riko would not go after his teammates (yeah he still thinks he's going to die before summer and made peace with it, but hey baby steps)

"Too many questions. Too much lost time. It was safer to drink away the pain."

"He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream.[...]Facing the Foxes on the court this spring would be the last mistake Riko ever made"

In which Neil can predict the future but shhhh

I was going crazy at the end of this one, it was so intense and I finally loved all the team, including Coach and Abby (and yes also Bee, even if Neil doesn't). So yeah this turned out long, I fear the next list. Stay tuned.

The Foxhole Court Incoherent Whatever